PEG WOFFINGTON,
CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE,
AND OTHER STORIES.
BY
CHARLES  READE.
HO USEIHOLD EDITION.
BOSTON: 
FIELDS, OSGOOD, & CO.,
SUCCESSORS TO TICKNOR AND FIELDS.
I869.




AUTHOR'S EDITION.
UNIVERSITY PRESS: WELCH, BIGELOW, & Co.,
CAMBRIDGE.




Page
PEG WOFFINGTON.......                           5
CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE....                 97
CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE......                           185
kART: A DRAMATIC TALE.              231
PROPRIA QUE MARIBUS.......   267
THE Box TUNNEL........295
JACK OF ALL TRADES..... 303








PEG WOFFINGTON.
A NOVEL.








TO
T. TAYLOR, ESQ.,
MIY FRIEND, AND COADJUTOR IN THE COMEDY OF
"MASKS AND FACES,"
TO WHOM THE READER OWES MUCH OF THE BEST MATTER IN THIS TALE:
AND
TO THE MEMORY OF MARGARET WOFFINGTON,
FALSELY sunmmned ip UNTIL TO-DAY,
THIS
D"tramatic Otor"
IS INSCRIBED BY
CHARLES READE.
LONDON, December 15, 1852.








PEG WOFFINGTON.
CHAPTER I.               contemplated it with respect and affection, placed it in a frying-pan on the
BOUT the middle of the last fire, and entered her bedroom, meancentury, at eight o'clock in the ing to don a loose wrapper, and deevening, in a large but poor apartment, throne herself into comfort.
a man was slumbering on a rough   But the poor woman was shot walkcouch. His rusty and worn suit of ing by Morpheus, and subsided altoblack was of a piece with his uncarpet- gether; for dramatic performances,
ed room, the deal table of home manu- amusing and exciting to youth seated
facture, and its slim unsnuffed candle. in the pit, convey a certain weariness
The man was Triplet, scene paint- to those bright beings who sparkle
er, actor, and writer of sanguinary on the stage for bread and cheese.
plays, in which what ought to be, viz.   Royalty, disposed of, still left its
truth, plot, situation, and dialogue, trail of events. The sausage began
were not; and what ought not to be, to "spit."  The sound was hardly
were: scilicet, small talk, big talk, fops, out of its body, when poor Triplet
ruffians, and ghosts.              writhed like a worm  on a hook.
His three mediocrities fell so short " Spitter, spittest," went the sausage.
of one talent, that he was sometimes Triplet groaned, and at last his inilmnpransus.                       articulate murmurs became words:
He slumbered, but uneasily; the "That's right, pit, now that is so
dramatic author was uppermost, and reasonable to condemn a poor fellow's
his "Demon of the Hayloft" hung play before you have heard it out."
upon the thread of popular favor.  Then, with a change of tone, " Tom,"
On his uneasy slumber entered from  muttered he, "they are losing their
the theatre Mrs. Triplet.          respect for spectres; if they do, hunShe was a lady who in one respect ger will make a ghost of me." Next,
fell behind her husband; she lacked he fancied the clown or somebody had
his variety in ill-doing, but she re- got into his ghost's costume.
covered herself by doing her one thing    " Dear," said the poor dreamer,
a shade worse than he did any of his " the clown makes a very pretty specthree. She was what is called in grim  tre, with his ghastly white face, and
sport an actress; she had just cast her his blood-boltered cheeks and nose.
mite of discredit on royalty by playing I never saw the fun of a clown before,
the Queen, and had trundled home no! no! no! it is not the clown, it is
the moment the breath was out of her worse, much worse; O dear, ugh!"
royal hedy. She came in rotatory and Triplet rolled off the couch like
with fatigue, and fell, gristle, into a Richard the Third. He sat a moment
chair; she wrenched from her brow  on the floor, with a finger in each eye;
a diadem and eyed it with contempt, and then, finding he was neither daubtook from her pocket a sausage, and ing, ranting, nor deluging earth with
1*




10                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
"acts," he accused himself of indo- (when done, find a publisher — if you
lence, and sat down to write a small can). " This," said Triplet, "insures
tale of blood and bombast; he took his common sense to your ideas, which
seat atthe dealtablewith some alacrity, does pretty well for a basis," said
for he had recently made a discovery. Triplet, apologetically, "and elegance
How to write well, rien que cela.    to the dress they wear."  Triplet,
"First, think in as homely a way then casting his eyes round in search
as you can; next, shove your pen un- of such actual circumstances as could
der the thought, and lift it by poly- be incorporated on this plan with ficsyllables to the true level of fiction "; tion, began to work thus: -
TRIPLET S FACTS.                  TRIPLET S FICTION.
A farthing dip is on the table.    A solitary candle cast its pale gleams
around.
It wants snuffing.                 Its elongated wick betrayed an owner steeped in oblivion.
He jumped up, and snuffed it with   He rose languidly, and trimmed it
his fingers. Burned his fingers, and with an instrument that he had by his
swore a little.                    side for that purpose, and muttered a
silent ejaculation.
Before, however, the mole Triplet still occupied the letters he sent now
could undermine literature and level and then to his native county; but it
it with the dust, various interruptions had ceased to occupy the writer. He
and divisions broke in upon his de- was a man of learning and taste, as
sign, and sic nos servavit Apollo. As times went; and his love of the Arts
he wrote the last sentence, a loud rap had taken him some time before our
came to his door. A servant in livery tale to the theatres, then the resort of
brought him a note from Mr. Vane, all who pretended to taste; and it
dated Covent Garden. Triplet's eyes was thus he had become fascinated
sparkled, he bustled, wormed himself by Mrs. Woffington, a lady of great
into a less rusty coat, and started off beauty, and a comedian high in favor
to the Theatre Royal, Covent Gar- with the town.
den.                                  The first night he saw her was an
In those days, the artists of the pen epoch in the history of this gentleand the brush ferreted patrons, instead man's mind. He had learning and
of aiming to be indispensable to the refinement, and he had not great
public, the only patron worth a single practical experience, and such men
gesture of the quill.              are most open to impression from the
Mr. Vane had conversed with Trip- stage. He saw a being, all grace and
let, that is, let Triplet talk to him in bright nature, move like a goddess
a coffee-house, and Triplet, the most among the stiff puppets of the scene;
sanguine of unfortunate men, had al- her glee and her pathos were equally
ready built a series of expectations catching, she held a golden key at
upon that interview, when this note which all the doors of the heart flew
arrived. Leaving him  on his road open. Her face, too, was as full of
from Lambeth to Covent Garden, we goodness as intelligence,- it was like
must introduce more important per- no other face; the heart bounded to
sonages.                           meet it.
Mr. Vane was a wealthy gentleman   He rented a box at her theatre.
from Shropshire, whom business had He was there every night before the
called to London four months ago, curtain drew up; and, I am sorry to
and now pleasure detained. Business say, he at last took half a dislike to




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           11
Sunday, —Sunday "which knits up glossy honors.  "Fool!"  thought
the -ravelled sleave of care," Sunday he, " to think she would hang frivoli" tired nature's sweet restorer," be- ties upon that glorious head for me."
cause on Sunday there was no Peg Yet his disappointment told him he
W5offington.  At first he regarded had really hoped it; he would not
her as a being of another sphere, an have sat out the play but for a leadincamation of poetry and art; but by en incapacity of motion that seized
degrees his secret aspirations became him.
bolder.  She was a woman; there   The curtain drew up for the fifth
were men who knew her; some of act, and — could he believe his eyes?
them inferior to him in position, and, - Mrs. Woffington stood upon the
he flattered himself, in mind. He had stage with his wreath upon her graceeven heard a tale against her charac- fulhead. -She took away his breath.
ter. To him her face was its confuta- She spoke the epilogue, and, as the
tion, and he knew how loose-tongued curtain fell, she lifted her eyes, he
is calumny; but still-!           thought, to his box, and made him
At last, one day he sent her a let- a distinct, queen-like courtesy; his
ter, unsigned. This letter expressed heart fluttered to his mouth, and he
his admiration of her talent in warm  walked home on wings and tiptoe.
but respectful terms; the writer told In short -
her it had become necessary to his   Mrs. Woffington, as an actress, jusheart to return her in some way his tifled a portion of this enthusiasm;
thanks for the land of enchantment to she was one of the truest artists of
which she had introduced hintm. Soon her day; a fine lady in her hands was
after this, choice flowers found their a lady, with the genteel affectation of
way to her dressing-room every night, a gentlewoman, not a harlot's affectaand now and then verses and precious tion, which is simply and without exstones mingled with her roses and aggeration what the stage commonly
eglantine. And 0, how he watched gives us for a fine lady; an old wothe great actress's eye all the night; man in her hands was a thorough
how he tried to discover whether she woman, thoroughly old, not a cacklooked oftener towards his box than ling young person of epicene gender.
the corresponding box on the other She played Sir Harry Wildair like at
side of the house.                 man, which is how he ought to be
Did she notice him, or did she not? played (or, which is better still, not
What a point gained, if she was con- at all), so that Garrick acknowledged
scions of his nightly attendance: she her as a male rival, and abandoned
would feel he was a friend, not a mere the part he no longer monopolized.
auditor. He was jealous of the pit,   No+* it very, very rarely happens
on whom Mrs. Woffington lavished that a woman of her age is high
her smiles without measure.        enough in art and knowledge to do
At last, one day he sent her a wreath these things. In players, vanity cripof flowers, and implored her, if any ples art at every step. The young
word he had said to her had pleased actress who is not a Woffington aims
or interested her, to wear this wreath to display herself by means of her
that night. After he had done this part, which is vanity; not to raise
he trembled; he had courted a decis- her part by sinking herself in it, which
ion, when, perhaps, his safety lay in is art. It has been my misfortune to
patience- and time. She made her see -, and, and-, and-,
etre'e; he turned cold as she glided et ceteras, play the man; Nature, forinto sight from the prompter's side; give them, if you can, for art never
he raised his eyes slowly and fearfully will; they never reached any idea
from her feet to her head; her head was more manly than a steady resolve to
bare, wreathed only by its own rich exhibit the points of a woman with




12                      PEG WOFFIXGTON.
greater ferocity than they could in a she was careful in the epilogue to
gown. But consider, ladies, a man is speak like Messalina. Did a king's
not the meanest of the brute creation, mistress come to hunger and repentso how can hle be an unwomanly fe- ance, she disinfected all the petites
male? This sort of actress aims not miaitresses in the house of the moral,
to give her author's creation to the by assfiring them that sin is a jole,
public, but to trot out the person in- repentance a greater, and that she
stead of the creation, and shows sots individually was ready for either if
what a calf it has - and is.       they would but cry, laugh, and pay.
Vanity, vanity! all is vanity! Then the audience used to laugh,
Mesdames les Charlatanes.          and-if they did not, lo! the manager,
Margaret Woffington was of anoth- actor, and author of heroic tragedy
er mould; she played the ladies of were exceeding sorrowful.
high comedy with grace, distinction,   Whilst sitting attendance on the,
and delicacy.  But in  Sir Harry epilogue, Mr. Vane had nothing to
Wildair she parted with a woman's distract him  from  the congregation
mincing foot and tongue, and played but a sanguinary sermon in five heads,
the man in a style large, spirited, so his eyes roved over the pews, and
and elancde.  As Mrs. Day (com- presently he became aware of a familmittee) she painted wrinkles on her iar face watching him closely. The
lovely face so honestly that she was gentleman to whom it belonged findtaken for threescore, and she carried ing himself recognized left his seat,
out the design with voice and person, and a minute later Sir Charles Poand did a vulgar old woman to the mander entered Mr. Vane's box.
life. She disfigured her own beauties   This Sir Charles Pomanlder was a
to show the beauty of her art; in a gentleman of vice: pleasure he called
word, she was an artist! It does not it. Mr. Vane had made his acquaintfollow she was the greatest artist that ance two years ago in Shropshire.
ever breathed; far from  it.  Mr. Sir Charles, who husbanded everyVane was carried to this notion by thing excepthis soul, had turned himpassion and ignorance.             self out to grass fobr a month. His
On the evening of our tale he was object was, by roast mutton, bread
at his post patiently sitting out one with some little flour in it, air, water,
of those sanguinary discourses our temperance, chastity, and peace, to be
rude forefathers thought were tragic enabled to take a deeper plunge into
plays. Sedet ceternuwque Seclebit In- impurities of food and morals.
felix Theseus, because Mrs. Woffing-   A few nights ago, unseen by Mr.
ton is to speak the epilogue.      Vane, he had observed him  in the
These epilogues were curjosities theatre; an ordinary  man would
of the human mind; they whom, have gone at once and shaken hands
just to ourselves and thenm, we call with him, but this was not an ordiourforbears, had an idea their blood nary man, this was a diplomatist.
and bombast were not ridiculous First of all, he said to himself:
enough in themselves, so when the "What is this man doing here? "
curtain had fallen on the dtbris of the Then he soon discovered this man
dramatis personce, and of common must be in love with some actress;
sense, they sent on an actress to turn  then it became his business to know
all the sentiment so laboriously ac- who she was; this too soon betrayed
quired into a jest.                itself. Then it became more than
To insist that nothing good or ever Sir Charles's business to know
beautiful shall be carried safe from a whether Mrs. Woffington  returned
play out into the street was the big- the sentiment; and here his penetraotry of English horse-play. Was a tion was at fault, for the moment;
Lucretia the heroine of the tragedy, he determined, however, to discover.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           13
Mr. Vane then received his friend, tist, a gentleman who is entitled to a
all unsuspicious how that friend had word or two.
been skinning him with his eyes for   This Cibber was the only actor
some time past.  After the usual since Shakespeare's time who had
compliments had passed between two both acted and written well. Pope's
gentlemen who had been hand and personal  resentment misleads  the
glove for a month and forgotten each reader of English poetry as to Cibother's existence for two years, Sir ber's real place among the wits of the
Charles, still keeping in view his de- day.
sign, said: -                       The man's talent was dramatic, not
"Let us go upon the stage."  The didactic, or epic, or pastoral. Pope
fourth act had just concluded.     was not so deep in the drama as in oth"Go upon the stage!" said Mr. er matters, and Cibber was one of its
Vane; " what, where she - I mean luminaries; he wrote some of the
among the actors b" best comedies of his day. He also
"Yes: come into the green-room. succeeded where Dryden, for lack of
There are one or two people of repu- true dramatic taste, failed. He tamtation there; I will introduce you to pered successfully with Shakespeare.
them, if you please."              Colley Cibber's version of " Richard
" Go upon the stage! " why, if it the Third " is impudent and slightly
had been proposed to him  to go to larcenic, but it is marvellously effectheaven he would not have been more ive. It has stood a century, and
astonished. He was too astonished probably will stand forever; and the
at first to realize the full beauty of most admired passages in what literthe arrangement, by means of which ary humbugs who pretend they know
he might be within a yard of Mrs. Shakespeare by the closet, not the
Woffington, might feel her dress rus- stage, accept as Shakespeare's " Richtie past him, might speak to her, ard," are Cibber's.
might drink her voice fresh from her   Mr. Cibber was now in private life,
lips almost before it mingled with a mild edition of his own Lord Fopmeaner air. Silence gives consent, pington; he had none of the snob-fop
and Mr. Vane, though he thought a as represented on our conventional
great deal, said nothing; so Poman- stage; nobody ever had, and lived.
de rose, and they left the boxes to- He was in tolerably good taste; but
gether. He led the way to the stage he went ever gold-laced; highly powdoor, which was opened obsequiously dered, scented, and diamonded, disto himn; they then passed through a pensing graceful bows, praises of whodismal passage, and suddenly emerged ever had the good luck to be dead, and
upon that scene of enchantment,  satire of all who were here to enjoy
the stage,- a dirty platform  en- it.
cumbered on all sides with piles of   Mr. Vane, to whom the drama had
scenery in flats. They threaded their now become the golden branch of letway through rusty velvet actors and ters, looked with some awe on this
fustian carpenters, and entered the veteran, for he had seen many Wofgreen-room.  At the door of this fingtons. He fell soon upon the submagic chamber Vane trembled and ject nearest his heart. He asked Mr.
half wished he could retire. They Cibber what he thought of Mrs. Wofentered; his apprehension gave way fington. The old gentleman thought
to disappointment, she was not there. well of the young lady's talent, espeCollecting himself, he was presently cially her comedy; in tragedy, said he,
introduced to a smart, jaunty, and, to she imitates Mademoiselle Dumesnil,
do him  justice, distingue old beau. of the Theaitre Fran)ais, and conThis was Colley Cibber, Esq., poet founds the stage-rhetorician with the
laureate, and retired actor and drama- actress. The next question was not




14                      -PEG WOFFINGTON.
so fortunate. "DI)id you ever see so titudes like the rest, but she melts from
great and true an actress upon the one beautiful statue into another; and,
whole? "                          if sculptors could gather from her imMr. Cibber opened his eyes, a mortal graces, painters too might take
slight flush came into his wash-leath- from her face the-beauties that belong
er face, and he replied: "I have not of right to passion and thought, and
only seen many equal, many superior orators might revive their withered
to her, but I have seen some half- art, and learn from those golden lips
dozen who would have eaten her up the music of old Athens, that quelled
and spit her out again, and not known tempestuous mobs, and princes drunk
they had done anything out of the with victory.
way."                                Much as this was, he was going to
I-lHere Pomander soothed the veter- say more, ever so much more, but he
an's dudgeon by explaining in dulcet became conscious of a singular sort of
tones that his friend was not long grin upon every face; this grin made
from Shropshire, and-  The critic him turn rapidly round to look for its
interrupted him, and bade him not cause. It explained itself at once; at
dilute the excuse.                 his very elbow was a lady, whom his
Now Mr. Vane had as much to say heart recognized, though her back was
as either of them, but he had not the turned to him. She was dressed in-a
habit, which dramatic folks have, of rich silk gown, pearl white, with flowcarrying his whole bank in his cheek- ers and sprigs embroidered; her beaupocket, so they quenched him  for two tiful white neck and arms were bare.
minutes. But lovers are not silenced, She was sweeping up the room with
he soon returned to the attack; he the epilogue in her hand, learning it
dwelt on the grace, the ease, the fresh- off by heart; at the other end of the
ness, the intelligence, the universal room she turned, and now she shone
beauty of Mrs. Woffington. Poman- full upon him.
der sneered, to draw him out. Cibber   It certainly was a dazzling creature:
smiled, with good-natured superiority. she had a head of beautiful form,
This nettled the young gentleman, he perched like a bird upon a throat masfired up, his handsome countenance sive yet shapely and smooth as a colglowed, he turned Demosthenes for umn of alabaster, a symmetrical brow,
her he loved. One advantage he had black eyes full of fire and tenderness,
over both Cibber and Pomander, a a delicious mouth, with a hundred
fair stock of classical learning; on varying expressions, and that marthis he now drew.                  vellous faculty of giving beauty alike
"Other actors and actresses," said to love or scorn, a sneer or a smile.
he, "are monotonous in voice, monot- But she had one feature more remarkonous in action, but Mrs. Woffington's able than all, her eyebrows, — the
delivery has the compass and variety actor's feature; they were jet black,.
of nature, and her movements are free strongly marked, and in repose were
from  the stale uniformity that dis- arched like a rainbow; but it was
tinguishes artifice from  art.  The their extraordinary flexibility which
others seem to me to have but two made other faces upon the stage look
dreams of grace, a sort of crawling on sleepy beside Margaret Woffington's.
stilts is their motion, and an angular In person she was considerably above
stiffness their repose."  He then cited the middle height, and so finely formed
the most'famous statues of antiquity, that one could not determine the
and quoted situations in plays where, exact character of her figure.  At
by her fine dramatic instinct, Mrs. one time it seemed all stateliness,
Woffington, he said, threw her person at another time elegance personiinto postures similar to these, and of fled, and flowing voluptuousness at
equal beauty; not that she strikes at- another. She was Juno, Psyche, Hebe,




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           15
by turns, and for aught we know at walked feebly and jauntily up the
will.                              room, whistling " Fair Hebe"; fixing
It must be confessed that a sort of his eye upon the past, and somewhat
halo of personal grandeur surrounds ostentatiously overlooking the exista great actress. A scene is set; half tence of the present company.
a dozen nobodies are there lost in it,   There is no great harm in an old
because they are and seem lumps of gentleman whistling, but there are
nothing. The great artist steps upon two ways of doing it; and as this old
that scene, and how she fills it in a beau did it, it seemed not unlike a
moment!  Mind and majesty wait small cock-a-doodle-doo of general
upon her in the air; her person is lost defiance; and the denizens of the
in the greatness of her personal pres- green-room, swelled now to a considence; she dilates with thought, and a erable number by the addition of all
stupid giantess looks a dwarf beside the ladies and gentlemen who had
her.                               been killed in the fourth act, or whomn
No wonder then that Mr. Vane felt the buttery-fingered author could not
overpowered by this torch in a closet. keep in hand until the fall of the curTo vary the metaphor, it seemed to tain, felt it as such; and so they were
him, as she swept up and down, as if not sorry when Mrs. Woffington,
the green-room was a shell, and this looking up from her epilogue, cast
glorious creature must burst it and be a glance upon the old beau, waitfree.  Meantime, the others saw a ed for him, and walked parallel with
pretty actress studying her business; him on the other side the room, givand Cibber saw a dramatic school-girl ing an absurdly exact imitation of
learning what he presumed to be a his carriage and deportment.  To
very silly set of words.  Sir C. Po- make this more striking, she pulled
mander's eye had been on her the out of her pocket, after a mock search,
moment she entered, and he watched ia huge paste ring, gazed on it with a
keenly the effect of Vane's eloquent ludicrous affectation of simple woneulogy; but apparently the actress der, stuck it, like Cibber's diamond, on
was too deep in her epilogue for any- her little finger, and, pursing up her
thing else.  She came in, saying, mouth, proceeded to whistle a quick
"Mum, mum, mum," over her task, movement,
and she went on doin- so. The exand she went on doing so. The ex-    Which, by some devilish cantrip sleight,"
perienced Mr. Cibber, who had divined
Vane in an instant, drew him into a played round the old beau's slow
corner, and complimented him on his movement, without being at variwell-timed eulogy.                 ance with it. As for the character
" You acted that mighty well, sir," of this ladylike performance, it was
said he. "Stop my vitals! if I did clear, brilliant, and loud as blacknot think you were in earnest, till I smith.
saw the jade had slipped in among us.   The  folk laughed;  Vane was
It told, sir, - it told."          shocked. " She profanes herself by
Up fired Vane. "What do you whistling," thought he.  Mr. Cibber
mean,-sir " said he. "Do you sup- was confounded.  He appeared to
pose my admiration of that lady is have no idea whence came this sparfeigned i"                         kling adagio. He looked round,placed
"No need to speak so loud, sir," his hands to his ears, and left off
replied the old gentleman; " she hears whistling. So did his musical accomyou.  These hussies have ears like plice.
hawks."                              " Gentlemen," said Cibber, with
lIe then dispensed a private wink pathetic gravity, " the wind howls
and a public bow; with which he most dismally this evening! I took it
strolled away from  Mr. Vane, and for a drunken shoemaker!"




16                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
At this there was a roar of laughter, replied Cibber, calmly; "I know your
except from  Mr. Vane.  Peg Wof- dramnatis personce, but where the devil
fington laughed as merrily as the are your actors I"
others, and showed a set of teeth that   Here was a blow.
were really dazzling; but all in one   " The public," said Quin, in somnat
moment, without the preliminaries an agitation, " would snore, if we actcd
ordinary countenance requires, this as they did in your time."
laughing Venus pulled a face gloomy    " How do you know that, sir? "
beyond conception.  Down came her was the supercilious rejoinder; "you
black brows straight as a line, and never tried!"
she cast a look of bitter reproach   Mr. Quin was silenced. PegWofon all present; resuming her study, fington looked off her epilogue.
as who should say, "Are ye not   "Bad as we are," said she, coolly,
ashamed to divert a poor girl from her " we might be worse."
epilogue?"  And then she went on,   Mr. Cibber turned round, slightly
"Mum! mum! mum!" casting off raised his eyebrows.
ever and anon resentful glances; and    "Indeed!" said he. "Madam!"
this made the fools laugh again.   added he, with a courteous smile;
The Laureate was now respectfully " will you be kind enough to explain
addressed by one of his admirers, to me how you could be worse! "
James Quin, the Falstaff of the day,   "If, like a crab, we could go backand the rival at this time of Garrick wirds! "
in tragic characters, though the gen-   At this the auditors tittered; and
eral opinion was, that he could not Mr. Cibber had recourse to his spylong maintain a standing against the glass.
younger genius and his rising school   This gentleman was satirical or inof art.                            solent, as the case might demand, in
Off the stage, James Quin was a three degrees, of which the snuff-box
character; his eccentricities were three, was the comparative, and the spy-glass
- a humorist, a glutton, and an hon- the superlative. He had learned this
est man; traits that often caused as- on the stage; in annihilating Quin
tonishment and ridicule, especially he had just used the snuff weapon, and
the last.                          now he drew his spy-glass upon poor
"May we not hope for something Peggy.
from Mr. Cibber's pen after so long a   " Whom have we here?" said he:
silence? "                        then he looked with his spy-glass to
"No," was the considerate reply. see; "oh! the little Irish orange"Who have ye got to play it? "     girl!"
"Plenty," said Quin; " there's your   "Whose basket outweighed Colley
humble servant, there's -"        Cibber's salary for the first twenty
" Humility at the head of the list," years of his dramatic career," was the
cried she of the epilogue. "Mum! delicate reply to the above delicate
mum! mum!"                       remark. It staggered him for a moVane thought this so sharp.      ment; however, he affected a most
"Garrick, Barry, Macklin, Kitty puzzled air, then gradually allowed a
Clive here at my side, Mrs. Cibber, the light to steal into his features.
best tragic actress I ever saw; and    "Eh! ah! oh! how stupid I am;
Woffington, who is as good a come- I understand; you sold something
dian as you ever saw, sir"; and Quin besides oranges! "
turned as red as fire.               "Oh!" said Mr. Vane, and col"Keep your temper, Jemmy," said ored up to the temples, and cast a
Mrs. Woffington, with a severe accent. look on Cibber, as much as to say,
"Mum! mum! mum!"                 " If you were not seventy-three! "
"You misunderstand my question,"   His ejaculation was something so




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           17
different from any tone any other per- continued she, "because Sir Harry,
son there present could have uttered, though a rake, was a gentleman; but
that the actress's eye dwelt on him  here are the buckles"; and she fished
for a single moment, and in that mo- them out of her pocket, capacious of
ment he felt himself looked through such things. The buckles were graveand through.                       ly inspected, they made more than one
"I sold the young fops a bargain, eye water, they were undeniable.
you mean," was her calm reply; " and    " Well, let us see what we can do for
now I am come down to the old ones. her," said the Laureate. He tapped
A truce, Mr. Cibber, what do you un- his box and without a moment's hesiderstand by an actor? Tell me; for tation produced the most execrable
I am foolish enough to respect your distich in the language:opinion on, these matters! "
" An actor, young lady," said he, " Now who is like Peggy, with talent at will,
gravely, " is an artist who has gone   A maid loved her Harry, for want of a
deep enough in  his art to make
dunces, critics, and greenhorns take   "Well, child," continued he, after
it for nature; moreover, he really the applause which follows extempopersonates; which your mere man of rary verses had subsided, " take me in.
the stage never does. He has learned Play something to make me lose sight
the true art of self-multiplication. of saucy Peg Woffington, and I'11 give
He drops Betterton, Booth, Wilkes, the world five acts more before the
or, ahem -"                        curtain falls on Colley Cibber."
"Cibber," inserted  Sir  Charles   "If'you could be deceived," put in
Pomander. Cibber bowed.            Mr. Vane, somewhat timidly; "I
"In his dressing-room, and comes think there is no disguise through
out young or old, a fop, a valet, a lov- which grace and beauty such as Mrs.
er, or a hero, with voice, mien, and Woffington's would not shine, to my
every gesture to match. A grain less eyes."
than this may be good speaking, fine   " That is to praise my person at
preaching, deep grunting, high rant- the expense of my wit, sir, is it not  "
ing, eloquent reciting; but I'11 be was her reply.
hanged it it is acting'!"            This was the first word she had
"Then Colley Cibbernever acted," ever addressed to him.  The tones
whispered Quin to Mrs. Clive. -    appeared so sweet to him, that he
"Then Margargaet Woffington is an could not find anything to reply for
actress," said M. W.; "the fine ladies listening to them; and Gibber retake my Lady Betty for their sister. sumed:In Mrs. Day, I pass for a woman of   " Meantime, I will show you a real
seventy; and in Sir Harry Wildair I actress; she is coming here to-night
have been taken for a man. I would to meet me. Did ever you children
have told you that before, but I hear of Ann Bracegirdle? "
did n't know it was to my credit," said   " Bracegirdle! " said Mrs. Clive;
she, slyly, " till Mr. Cibber laid down " why, she has been dead this thirty
the law."                          years; at least I thought so."
"Proof!" said Cibber.             "Dead to the stage.  There is
"A warm letter from one lady, dia- more heat in her ashes than in your
mond buckles from another, and an fire, Kate Clive! Ah! here comes
offer of her hand and fortune from a her messenger," continued he, as an
third; rien que cela."             ancient man appeared with a letter in
Mr. Cibber conveyed behind her his hand. This letter Mrs. Woffingback a look of absolute incredulity; ton snatched and read, and at the
she divined it.                    same instant in bounced the call-boy.
"I will not show you the letters," " Epilogue called," said this urchin,
B




18                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
in the tone of command which these   "Do you hate a haunch of venison,
small fry of Parnassus adopt; and, Quin?" said the lady.
obedient to his high behest, Mrs. Wof-   "No, you little unnatural monster,"
fington moved to the door, with the replied Quin.
Bracegirdle missive in her hand, but   "For all that, you never miss a cut
not before she had delivered its general at one, so hold your tongue! "
contents: "The great actress will be   "Le beau raisonnement!" said Mr.
here in a few minutes," said she, and Cibber.  "James Quin, don't intershe glided swiftly out of the room.    fere with nature's laws; let our ladies
hate one another, it eases their minds;
~o-~ —-           try to make them Christians, and you
will not convert their tempers, but
CHAPTER  II.             spoil your own. Peggy there hates
George Anne Bellamy, because she
PEOPLE whose mind or manners has gaudy silk dresses from Paris, by
possess any feature, and are not as de- paying for them, as she could, if not too
void of all eccentricity as half-pounds stingy. Kitty here hates Peggy beof butter bought of metropolitan gro- cause Rich has breeched her, whereas
cers, are recommended not to leave a Kitty, who now sets up for a prude,
roomful of their acquaintances until wanted to put delicacy off and smallthe last but one. Yes, they should clothes on in Peg's stead, that is
always be penultimate. Perhaps Mrs. where the Kate and Peg shoe pinches,
Woffington knew this; but epilogues near the femoral artery, James.
are stubborn things, and call-boys un-   " Shrimps  have  the  souls  of
deniable.                         shrimps," resumed this censor castiga"Did  you ever hear a woman torque mninorum. "Listen to me, and
whistle before  "                  learn that really great actors are great
"Never; but I saw one sit astride in soul, and do not blubber like a
on an ass in Germany! "            great school-girl because Anne Bel"The saddle was not on her hus- lamy has two yellow  silk dresses
band, I hope, madam  "             from Paris, as I saw Woffington blub"No, sir; the husband walked by her in this room, and would not be
his kinsfolk's side, and made the best comforted; nor fume like Kitty Clive,
of a bad bargain, as Peggy's husband because Woffington has a pair of
will have to."                     breeches and a little boy's rapier to go
"Wait till some one ventures on a playing at acting with. When I was
the gay Lotharia, —illi ces triplex; young, two giantesses fought for emthat means he must have triple brass, pire upon this very stage, where now
Kitty."                            dwarfs crack and bounce like parched
" I deny that, sir; since his wife will peas. They played Roxana and Staalways have enough for both."      tira in the "Rival Queens."  Rival
"I have not observed the lady's queens of art themselves, they put out
brass," said Vane, trembling with pas- all their strength. In the middle of
sion; " but I observed her talent, and the last act the town gave judgment
I noticed that whoever attacks her to in favor of Statira.  What (lid Roxher face comes badly off.'".      ana? Did she spill grease on Statira's
"Well said, sir," answered Quin; robe, as Peg Woffington would? or
"and I wish Kitty here would tell us stab her, as I believe Kitty here capawhy she hates Mrs. Woffington, the ble of doing? No! Statira was never
best-natured woman in the theatre? " so tenderly killed as that night: she
" I don't hate her, I don't trouble owned this to me. Roxana bade the
my head about her."               theatre farewell that night, and wrote
"Yes, you hate her; for you never to Statira thus: I give you word for
miss a cut at her, never!"       word: "Madam, the best judge we




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           19
have has decided in your favor.  I   "It is the depth of their hearts she
shall never play second on a stage has sounded," said Vane.
where I have been first so long, but   In those days, if a metaphor started
I shall often be a spectator, and me- up, the poor thing was coursed up
thinks none will appreciate your tal- hill and down dale, and torn limb
ent more than I, who have felt its from jacket; even in Parliament, a
weight. My wardrobe, one of the best trope was sometimes hunted from one
in Europe, is of no use to me; if you session into another.
will honor me by selecting a few of   " You were asking me about Mrs.
my dresses, you will gratify me, and I Oldfield, sir," resumed Cibber, rather
shall fancy I see myself upon the stage peevishly. "I will own to you, I
to greater advantage than before.' "   lack words to convey a just idea of her
" And what did Statira answer, double and complete supremacy. But
sir  " said Mr. Vane, eagerly.     the comedians of this dayv are weak"She answered thus:'Madam, the strained farceurs compared with her,
town has often been wrong, and may and her tragic tone was thunder set to
have been so last night, in supposing music.
that I vied successfully with your mer-   "I saw a brigadier-general cry like
it; but thus much is certain, -- and a child at her Indiana; I have seen her
here, madam, I am the best judge, -  crying with pain herself at the wing
that off the stage you have just con- (for she was always a great sufferer),
quered me. I shall wear with pride I have seen her then spring upon the
any dress you have honored, and shall stage as Lady Townley, and in a mofeel inspired to great exertions by ment sorrow brightened into joy; the
your presence among our spectators, air seemed to fill with singing-birds,
unless, indeed, the sense of your mag- that chirped the pleasures of fashion,
nanimity and the recollection of your love, and youth, in notes sparkling
talent should damp me by the dread of like diamonds and stars and prisms.
losing any portion of your good opin- She was above criticism, out of its
ion."                              scope, as is the blue sky; men went
" What a couple of stiff old things," not to judge her, they drank her, and
said Mrs. Clive.                   gazed at her, and were warmed at
" Nay, madam, say not so," cried her, and refieshed by her. The fops
Vane, warmly; "surely, this was the were awed into silence, and with
lofty courtesy of two great minds not their humbler betters thanked Heavto be overbalanced by strife, defeat, or en for her, if they thanked it for anyvictory."                          thing.
" What were their names, sir? "   "In all the crowded theatre, care
" Statira was the great Mrs. Old- and pain and poverty were banished
field. Roxana you will see here to- from  the memory, whilst Oldfield's
night."                            face spoke, and her tongue flashed
This caused a sensation.         melodies; the lawyer forgot his quilColley's reminiscences were inter- lets; the polemic, the mote in his
rupted by loud applause from the the- brother's  eye; the old maid, her
atre; the present seldom  gives the grudge against the two sexes; the old
past a long hearing.               man, his gray hairs and his lost hours.
The old war-horse cocked his ears. And can it be, that all this which
" It is Woffington speaking the epi- should have been immortal, is quite
logue," said Quin.                 — quite lost, is as though it had
" 0, she has got the length of their never been? " he sighed. " Can it be
foot, somehow," said a small actress.  that its fame is now sustained by me;
"And the breadth of their hands, who twang with my poor lute, cracked
too," said Pomander, waking from a and old, these feeble praises of a bronap.                               ken lyre: -.




20                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.'Whose wires were golden, and.its heavenly   She was brilliant; but her man-.
air                           ners, if not masculine, were very darMore tunable than lark to shepherd's ear,  ing; and yet, when she  oke to hi
When wheat is green, when hawthorn buds ing; and yet, when she spoke to him,
appear'?"                    a stranger, how sweet and gentle her
voice was! Then it was clear nothHe paused, and his eye looked back ing but his ignorance could have
over many years: then, with a very placed her at the summit of her
different tone, he added: -          art.
"And that Jack Falstaff there must   Still he clung to his enthusiasm
have seen her, now I think on't."    for her.  He drew Pomander aside.
" Only once, sir," said Quin, "and  "What  a  simplicity  there is in
I was but ten years old."            Mrs. Woffington!" said he; "the
"He saw her once, and he was ten rest, male and female, are all so afyears old; yet he calls Woffington a fected; she is so fresh and natural.
great comedian, and my son The's They are all hot-house plants; she
wife, with her hatchet face, the great- is a' cowslip with the May dew on
est tragedian he ever saw! Jemmy, it."
what an ass you must be! "             ".  What you take for simplicity is
"Mrs. Cibber always makes me crv, her refined art," replied Sir Charles.
and t'other always makes me laugh,"    "No!" said Vane, " I never saw a
said Quin, stoutly, " that's why."  more innocent creature!"
Ce beau raisonnement met no answer,   Pomander laughed in his face; this
but a look of sovereign contempt.    laugh disconcerted him  more than
A very trifling incident saved the words; he spoke no more, -he sat
ladies of the British stage from fur- pensive. He was sorry he had come
ther criticism. There were two can- to this place, where everybody knew
dles in this room, one on each side; his goddess; yet nobody admired,
the call-boy had entered, and, poking nobody loved, and, alas! nobody reabout for something, knocked down spected her.
and broke one of these.                He was roused from his revery by
"Awkward imp!" cried a velvet a noise; the noise was caused by
page.                                Cibber falling  on  Garrick, whom
" I'11 go to the Treasury for anoth- Pomander had maliciously  quoted
er, ma'am," said the boy, pertly, and against all the tragedians of Colley
vanished with the fractured wax.     Cibber's day.
I take advantage of the interruption    "I tell you," cried the veteran,
to open Mr. Vane's mind to the read- "that this Garrick has banished diger. First, he had been astonished at nity from the stage, and given us in
the freedom of sarcasm these people exchange what you and he take for
indulged in without quarrelling; next fire; but it is smoke and vapor. His
at the non-respect of sex.          manner is little, like his person, it is
" So sex is not recognized in this all fuss and bustle. This is his idea
community," thought he. Then the of a tragic scene: A  little fellow
glibness and merit of some of their comes bustling in, goes bustling about,
answers surprised and amused him. and runs bustling out."  Here Mr.
He, like me, had seldom met an im- Cibber left the room, to give greater
aginative repartee, except in a play or effect to his description, but presently
a book. " Society's" repartees were returned in a mighty pother, saying:
then, as they are now, the good old "'Give me another horse!'  Well,
tree in various dresses and veils: Tzi where's the horse? don't you see I'm
quoque, tit mnentisis, vos.dLmnemnini; but waiting for him?'Bind  up my
he was sick and dispirited on the wounds!'   Look sharp now  with
whole; such very bright illusions had these wounds.'Have mercy, Heavbeen dimmed in these few minutes.    en!' but be quick about it, for the pit




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           21
can't wait for Heaven. Bustle! bus-   "Nothing is as it used to be," retle! bustle! "                   marked Mr. Cibber.
The old dog was so irresistibly    " All the better for everything,"
funny, that the whole company were said Mrs. Clive.
obliged to laugh; but in the midst of   "'We were laughing at this mighty
their merriment Mrs. Woffington's little David, first actor of this mighty
voice was heard at the door.       little age."
" This way, madam."                Now if Mr. Cibber thought to find
A clear and somewhat shrill voice in the new-comer an ally of the past
replied: "I know  the way better in its indiscriminate attack upon the
than you, child"; and a stately old present, he was much mistaken; for
lady appeared on the threshold.    the old actress made onslaught on this
"Bracegirdle," said Mr. Cibber.   nonsense at once.
It may well be supposed that every   "Ay, ay," said she, "and not the
eye was turned on this new-comner, -  first time by many hundreds.'T is a
that Roxana for whom Mr. Cibber's disease you have.   Cure yourself,
story had prepared a peculiar interest. Colley.   Davy Garrick pleases the
She was dressed in a rich green vel- public; and in trifles like acting, that
vet gown with gold fringe. Cibber take nobody to heaven, to please all
remembered it; she had played the the world, is to be great. Some pre" Eastern Queen," in it. Heaven for- tend to higher aims, but none have
give all concerned! It was fearful-'em. You may hide this from young
ly pinched in at the waist and ribs, so fools, mayhap, but not from  an old
as to give the idea of wood inside, not'oman like me. He! he! he! No,
woman.                             no, no, -not from an old'oman like
Her hair and eyebrows were iron- me."
gray, and she had lost a front tooth, or   She then turned round in her chair,
she would still have been eminently and with that sudden, unaccountable
handsome. She was tall and straight snappishness of tone to which the
as a dart, and her noble port betrayed brisk old are subject, she snarled:
none of the weakness of age, only it " Gie me a pinch of snuff, some of ye,
was to be seen that her hands were a do! 
little weak, and the gold-headed crutch    Tobacco dust was instantly at her
struck the ground rather sharply, as disposal.  She took it with the points
if it did a little limbs'-duty.    of her fingers, delicately, and divestSuch was the lady who marched ed the crime of half its uncleanness
into the middle of the room, with a and vulgarity, —more an angel could
"How  do, Colley? " and, looking n't.
over the company's heads as if she did   " Monstrous   sensible   woman,
not see them, regarded the four walls though! " whispered Quin to Clive.
with some interest. Like a cat, she   "Hey, sir! what do you say, sir?
seemed to think more of places than for I'm a little deaf:"  (Not very to
of folk. The page obsequiously of- praise, it seems.)
fered her a chair.                   "That your judgment, madam, is
"Not so clean as it used to be," said equal to the reputation of your talMrs. Bracegirdle.                  ent."
Unfortunately, in making this re-   The words were hardly spoken, bemark, the old lady graciously patted fore the old lady rose upright as a
the page's head for offering her the tower. She then made an oblique
chair; and this action gave, with preliminary sweep, and came down
some of the ill-constituted minds that with such a courtesy as the young had
are ever on the titter, a ridiculous di- never seen.
rection to a remark intended, I believe,   James Quin, not to disgrace his
for the paint and wainscots, &c.   generation, attempted a correspond



22                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
ing bow, for which his figure and of my gallants. Have ye as many
apoplectic tendency rendered him un- of them as we used? "
fit; and whilst he was transacting it,   "In that respect," said the page,
the graceful Cibber stepped gravely "we are not behind our great-grandulp, and looked down and up the pro- mothers."
cess with his glass, like a naturalist   "I call that pert," said Mrs. Braceinspecting some strange capriccio of girdle, with the air of one drawing
an orang-outang.  The gymnastics scientific distinctions. "Now, is that
of courtesy ended without back-falls, a boy or a lady that spoke to me
- Cibber lowered his tone.         last? "
" You are right, Bracy. It is non-   " By its dress, I should say a boy,"
sense denying the young fellow's tal- said Cibber, with his glass; "by its
ent; but his Othello, now, Bracy! assurance, a lady!"
be just, — his Othello!"             " There's  one  clever  woman
" 0  dear! 0 dear!" cried she; amongst ye; Peg something, plays
"I thought it was Desdemona's little Lothario, Lady Betty Modish, and
black boy come in without the tea- what not "
kettle."                              "What! admire Woffington "
Quin laughed uproariously.       screamed Mrs. Clive; "why, she is
"It made me laugh a deal more the greatest gabbler on the stage."
than Mr. Quin's Falstaff. 0 dear!   "I don't care," was the reply,
O dear!"                           "there's nature  about the jade.
"Falstaff, indeed!  Snuff! "  In Don't contradict me," added she, with
the tone of a trumpet.             sudden fury; " a parcel of children."
Quin secretly revoked his good    "No, madam," said Clive, humbly.
opinion' of this woman's sense.    " Mr. Cibber, will you -try and pre" Madam," said the page, timidly, vail on Mrs. Bracegirdle to favor us
"if you would but favor us with a with a recitation?"
specimen of the old style! "         Cibber handed his cane with pomp
"Well, child, why not?  Only to a small actor. Bracegirdle did the
what makes you mumble like that? same; and, striking the attitudes that
but they all do it now, I see. Bless had passed for heroic in their day,
my soul! our words used to come out they declaimed out of the "Rival
like brandy-cherries; but now a sen- Queens" two or three tirades, which
tence is like raspberry-jam, on the I graciously spare the reader of this
statge and off."                   tale. Their elocution was neat and
Cibber chuckled.                 silvery; but not one bit like the way
"And why don't you men carry people speak in streets, palaces, fields,
yourself like Cibber here?"        roads, and rooms.  They had not
"Don't press that question," said made the grand discovery, which Mr.
Colley, dryly.                     A. Wigan on the stage, and every
"A monstrous poor actor, though," man of sense off it, has made in our
said the merciless old woman, in a day and nation; namely, that the
mock aside to the others; " only stage is a representation, not of stage,
twenty shillings a week for half but of life; and that an actor ought
his life "; and her shoulders went to speak and act in imitation of huup to her ears, - then she fell into man beings, not of speaking machines
a half-revery. " Yes, we were dis- that have run and creaked in a stage
tillct," said sire; " but I must own, groove, with their eyes shut upon the
children, we were slow. Once, in world at large, upon nature, upon
the midst of a beautiful tirade, my truth, upon man, upon woman, and
lover went to sleep, and fell against upon child.
me.  A   mighty  pretty  epigram,   "This is slow," cried Cibber; "let
twenty lines, was writ on't by one us show  these young people how




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           23
ladies and gentlemen moved fifty   "No, my children," said the old
years ago, dansons."               lady, "'twas vanity. I wanted to
A fiddler was caught, a beautiful show you what an old'oman could
slow minuet played, and a bit of do; and I have humiliated myself,
" solemn dancing " done. Certainly, trying' to outshine younger folk. I
it was not gay, but it must be owned amjustly humiliated, as you see"; and
it was beautiful; it was the dance of she began to cry a little.
kings, the poetry of the courtly sa-   "This is very painful," said Cibber.
loon.                                Mrs. Bracegirdle now raised her
The retired actress, however, had eyes (they had set her in a chair), and
frisker notions left in her. " This is looking sweetly, tenderly, and earnestslow," cried she, and bade the fiddler ly on her old companion, she said to
play, "The wind that shakes the bar- him, slowly, gently, but impressiveley," an ancient jig tune; this she ly: "Colley, at threescore years and
danced to in a style that utterly as- ten, this was ill done of us! You
tounded the spectators.            and I are here now —for what  to
She showed them what fun was; cheer the young up the hill we mounther feet and her stick were all echoes ed years ago. And, old friend, if we
to the mad. strain; out went her heel detract from them we discourage them.
behind, and, returning, drove her four A great sin in the old!"
yards forward. She made unaccoun-   " Every dog his day."
table slants, and cut them all over   "We have had ours."  Here she
in turn if they did not jump for it. smiled, then, laying her hand tenderly
Roars of inextinguishable laughter in the old man's, she added, with calm
arose, it would have made an oyster solemnity: "And now we must go
merry. Suddenly she stopped, and quietly towards our rest, and strut
put her hands to her sides, and soon and fret no more the few last minutes
after she gave a vehement cry of of life's fleeting hour."
pain.                                How  tame my cacotype of these
The laughter ceased.             words compared with what they were.
She gave another cry of such agony, I am ashamed of them  and myself,
that they were all round her in a and the human craft of writing, which,
moment.                            though commoner far, is so miserably
"0, O   help me, ladies," screamed behind the godlike art of speech: Si
the poor woman, in tones as feminine ipsaas audivisses!
as they were heart-rending and pite-   These ink scratches, which in the
ous. "0 my back! my loins! I suf- imperfection of language we have
fer, gentlemen," said the poor thing, called words, till the unthinlking actfaintly.                           ually dream they are words, but which
What was to be done? Mr. Vane are the shadows of the corpses of
offered his penknife to cut her laces.  words; these word-shadows then were
"You shall cut my head off soon- living powers on her lips, and suber," cried she, with sudden energy. dued, as eloquence always does, every
"Don't pity me," said she, sadly, "I heart within reach of the imperial
don't deserve it"; then, lifting her tongue.
eyes, she exclaimed, with a sad air of   The young loved her, and the old
self-reproach: "0 vanity! do you nev- man, softened and vanquished, and
er leave a woman  "                mindful of his failing life, was silent,
"Nay, madam   " whimpered the and pressed his handkerchief to his
page, who was a good-hearted girl; eyes a moment; then he said: -
"'t was your great complaisance for   "No, Bracy, no. Be composed,
us, not vanity. Oh! oh! oh!" and I pray you. She is right. Young
she began to blubber, to make mat- people, forgive me that I love the dead
ters better.                       too well, and the days when I was




24                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
what yotu are now. Drat the woman," his own judgment mingled pleasantly
continued he, half ashamed of his with his admiration.
emotion; "she makes us laugh, and   In  this cheerful exhibition, one
makes us cry, just as she used."   joined not, -Mr. Cibber. His the"What does he say, young wo- ories had received a shock (and we all
man? " said the old lady, dryly, to love our theories). He himself had
Mrs. Clive.                        received a rap, and we don't hate our" He says you make us laugh, and selves.
make us cry, madam; and so you do   Great is the syllogism! But there
me, I'm sure."                    is a class of arguments less vulnera"And that's Peg Woffington's no- ble.
tion of an actress! Better it, Cibber   If A says to B, " You can't hit me,
and Bracegirdle, if you can," said the as I prove by this syllogism" (here
other, rising up   lke lightning  followeth the syllogism), "and B,
She then threw  Colley Cibber a pour toute reponse, knocks A  down
note, and walked coolly and rapidly such a whack that he rebounds into a
out of the room, without looking once sitting posture; and to him the man,
behind her.                        the tree, the lamp-post, and the fireThe rest stood transfixed, looking escape become not clearly distinguishat one another, and at the empty able; this barbarous logic prevails
chair. Then Cibber opened and read against the logic in Barbara, and the
the note aloud. It was from  Mrs. syllogism is in the predicament of
Bracegirdle: "Playing at tric-trac; Humpty Dumpty.
so can't play the fool in your green-   In this predicament was the Poet
room to-night. - B."               Laureate.  " The miscreant Proteus
On this, a musical ringing laugh  (could not) escape these chains! " So
was heard from outside the door, where the miscreant Proteus - no bad name
the pseudo Bracegirdle was washing for an old actor —took his little
the gray from  her hair, and  the cocked hat and marched, a smaller, if
wrinkles fiom her face, - ah! I wish I not a wiser man. Some disjointed
could do it as easily! —and the little words fell from  him: "Mimicry is
bit of sticking-plaster from her fiont not acting," &c.; and with one bitter,
tooth.                             mowing glance at the applauders, cir" Why, it is the Irish jade! " roared ctnIferens acriter oculos, he vanished in
Cibber.                            the largest pinch of snuff on record.
" Divil a less! " rang back a rich The rest dispersed more slowly.
brogue; "and it's not the furst time   Mr. Vane  waited  eagerly, and
we put the comether upon ye, Eng- watched the door for Mrs. Woffingland, my jewal! "                 ton; but she did not come. He then
One more mutual glance, and then  made acquaintance with good-natured
the mortal cleverness of all this began Mr. Quin, who took him  upon the
to dawn on their minds; and they stage and showed him by what vulgar
broke forth into clapping of hands, appliances that majestic rise of the
and gave this accomplished mlime curtain he so admired was effected.
three rounds of applause; Mr. Vane Returning to the green-room for his
and Sir Charles Pomander leading friend, he found him  in animated
with, "Brava, Woffington!"        conversation with Mrs. Woffington.
Its effect on Mr. Vane may be This made Vane uneasy.
imagined. Who but she could have   Sir Charles, up to the present modone this? This was as if a painter ment of the evening, had been unshould so paint a man as to deceive wontedly silent, and now he was talkhis species. This was acting, but not ing nineteen to the dozen, and Mrs.
like the acting of the stage. He was Woffington was listening with an
in transports, and self-satisfaction at appearance of interest that sent a




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           25
pang to poor Vane's heart; he begged army of little brats their letters; so
r. Quin to introduce him.          this word'wife,' and that word
Mr. Quin introduced him.'chimney-corner,' took possession of
The lady received his advances my mind, and a vision of darning
with polite composure. Mr. Vane stockings for a large party, all my
stammered  his admiration of her own, filled my heart, and really I felt:Bracegirdle; but all he could find quite grateful to the little brute that
words to say was mere general praise, was to give me all this, and he would
and somewhat coldly received. Sir have had such a wife as men never do
Charles, on the contrary, spoke more have, still less deserve. But one fine
like a critic. " Had you given us the day that the theatre left me time to
stage cackle, or any of those tradition- examine his manner towards me, I
ary symptoms of old age, we should instantly discovered lie was deceiving
have instantly detected you," said he; me. So I had him watched, and the
" but this was art copying nature, and little brute was going to marry anothit may be years before such a triumph er woman, and break it to me by deof illusion is again effected under so grees afterwards, &c. You know, Sir
many adverse circumstances."       Charles? Ah! I see you do.
"You are very good, Sir Charles,"   "I found her out; got an introducwas the reply. "You flatter me. It tion to her father; went down to
was one, of those things which look his house three days before the margreater than they are; nobody here riage, with a little coal-black musknew Bracegirdle but Mr. Cibber; tache, regimentals, and what not,
Mr. Cibber cannot see well without made up, in short, with the art of my
his glasses, and I got rid of one of the sex, gentlemen, - and the impudence
candles; I sent one of the imps of the of yours.
theatre to knock it down. I know    "The first day I flirted and danced
Mrs. Bracegirdle by heart. I drink with the bride. The second I made
tea with her every Sunday. I had love to her, and at night I let her
her dress on, and I gave the old boy know that her intended was a villain.
her words and her way of thinking; I showed her letters of his; protestait was mere mimicry; it was nothing tions, oaths of eternal fidelity to one
compared with what I once did; but, Peg  WVoffington,'who  will die,'
a-hem!"                           drawled I,'if he betrays her.'
"Pray tell us! "                  " And here, gentlemen, nmark the
"I am afraid I shall shock your justice of Heaven. I received a backfriend. I see he is not a wicked man handed slap:'Peg Woffington! an
like you, and perhaps does not know  actress! 0, the villain!' cried she;
what good-for-nothing creatures ac-'let him marry the little vagabond.
tresses are."                      How dare he insult me with his hand
"He is not so ignorant as he that had been offered in such a quarlooks," replied Sir Charles.       ter?'
"That is not quite the answer I   " So, in a fit of virtuous indignaexpected, Sir Charles," replied this tion, the little hypocrite dismissed the
lively lady; "but it serves me right little brute; in other words, she had
for fishing on dry land. Well, then, fallen in love with me.
you must know a young gentleman    "I have not had many happy
courted me. I forget whether I liked hours, but I remember it was delicious
him or not; but you will fancy I to look out of my window, and at the
hated him, for I promised to marry same moment smell the honeysuckles
him. You must understand, gentle- and see my pe:fide dismissed under a
men, that I was sent into the world, heap of scorn and a pile of luggage
not to act, which I abominate, but to he had brought down for his wedding
chronicle small beer and teach an tour.
2




26                       PEG WOFFINGTON.
" I scampered up to London, laugh- little shocked with her indelicacy in
ing all the way; and when. I got telling us that story, and still more in
home, if I remember right, I cried ior havinsg it to tell."
two hours.; -low do you account for   "Indelicaev? No!" said Vane;.
that?" the little brute deserved it. Good
"I hope, madam,"  said  Vane, Heavens! to think that' a little brute'
gravely, " it was remorse for having might have married that angel, and
trifled with that poor young lady's actually broke fPith to lose her; it is
heart; she had never injured you."  incredible, the crime is diluted by the
"RBut, sir, the husband I robbed absurdity."
her of was a brute and a villain in his   " Have you heard him  tell the
little way, and wicked and good-for- story     No    Then take my word
nothing, &c. Ile would have deceived for it, you have not heard the facts of
that poor little hypocrite, as he had the case."
this one," pointing to herself:        "Ah! you are prejudiced against
"That is lnot what I mean; you her?"
inspired her with an attachment, nev-   " On the contrary, I like her. But
er to be forgotten. Poor lady, how  I know  that with all women  the
many sleepless nights has she passed present lover is an angel and the past
since. then, how many times has she a demon, and so on in turn. And I
strained her eyes to see her angel know that if Satan were to enter the
lover returning to her! She will not women of the stage, with the wild idea
forget in two years the love it cost of impairing their veracity, he would
you but two days to inspire.  The come out of their minds a greater liar
powerful should be merciful. Ah! I than he went in, and the innocent
fear you have no heart."             darlings would never know their spirThese words had no sooner burst itual father had been at them."
from  Mr. Vane, than he was con-   Doubtful whether this sentiment
scious of the strange liberty he had and period could be improved, Sir
taken, and, indeed, the bad taste he Charles parted with'his friend, leaving
had been guilty of; and this feeling his sting in him  like a friend; the
was not lessened when he saw Mrs. other's reflections as he sauntered
Woffington color up to the temples. home were not strictly those of a wise,
Her eyes, too, glittered like basilisks: well-balanced mind; they ran in this
but she said. nothing', which was re- style:markable in her, whose tongue was   "When she said,' Is not that to
the sword of a maiztr-e d'armles.   praise my person at the expense of
Sir Charles eyed his friend in a sly, my wit?'  I ought to have said,
satirical manner; he then said, laugh-' Nay, madam; could your wit disingly: "In two months she nzarried a guise your person, it would betray
third! don't waste your sympathy," itself, so you would'still shine conand turned the talk into another chan- fessed'; and instead of that I said
nel; and soon after, Mrs. Woffing- nothing!"
ton's maid appearing at the door, she   He then ran over in his mind all
courtesied to both gentlemen and left the opportunities he had had for putthe theatre.  Sir Charles Pomander ting in something smart, and bitteraccompanied Mr. Vane a little way.  ly regretted those lost opportunities;
" What becomes of her innocence? " and made the smart things, and beat
was his first word.                 the air with them.  Then his cheeks
"One loses sight of it in her im- tingled when he remembered that he
mense talent," said the lover.      had almost scolded her; and he con"She certainly is clever in all that cocted a very different speech, and
bears upon her business," was the straightway repeated it in imaginareply; "but I noticed you were a tion.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                            27
This is lovers' pastime; I own it cause it is a fine generic one, suitable
fmnny; but it is open to one objec- to different kinds of love-making.
tion, this single practice of sittingr   Mr. Vane's sentiments were an inupon cggs no longer chickenlable,  explicable compound; but respect,
carried to a babit, is capable of turn- enthusiasm, and deep admiration were
inr- a solid intellect into a liquid one, the uppermost.
and i uining a nlind's career.        The good Sir Charles was no enigWice leave Mr. Vane, tblerefore, with ma: he had a vacancy in his estaba hope that he will not do it every lishment, -a very high situation, too,
nioht; and we follow his friend to for those who like that sort of thin,the close of our chapter.           - the head of his table, his left hand
Hey for a definition!            when he drove in the Park, &c. To
WVhat is diplomacy? Is it folly in this heproposed to promote Miss Wofa coat that looks like sagacity? Had fington. She was halndsome and witty,
Sir Charles Pornander, instead  of and he liked her. But that was not
watchinog Mr. Vane and Mrs. Wof- what caused him to pursue her; slow,
fington, asked the former whether sagacious, inevitable, as a beagle.
he admired the latter, and whether   She was celebrated, and would conthe latter responded, straightforward fer great eclat on him.  The scandal
Vane would have told him the whole of possessing her was a burning temptruth in a minute. Diplomacy there- tation.  Women admire celebrity in
fore was, as it often is, a waste of time. a man; but men adore it in a woman.
But diplomnlcy dlid more in this
case, it snpoielter dscendebdlat intfossa;   "The world," says Philip, " is a famous manll
ase, it sapienter descendat inssa;   What will not women love so taught?'
it fell on its nose with gymnastic
dexterity, as it generally does, upon    I will try to answer this question.
my word.                              The women will more readily forTo watch Mrs. Woffingt;on's face give disgusting physical deformity for
vis-s-vis Mr. Vane, Pomander intro- Fame's sake than we. Thev would
duced Vane to the green-room of the embrace with more rapture a famous
Theatre Royal, Covent Garden. By orang-outang, than we an illustrious
this Pomander learned nothing, be- chimpanzee;- but when it comes to
cause Mrs. Woffington had, with a nmoral deformity the tables are turned.
wonderful appearance of openness,   Had the Queen pardoned Mr. Greenthe closest face in Europe when she acre and Mrs. Manning, would the
chose.                              great rush have been on the hero, or
On the other hand, by introducing the heroine?  Why, on Mrs. Macthis country gentleman to this green- beth! To her would the blackguards
room, he gave a mighty impulse and have brought honorable  proposals,
opportunity to Valne's love; an op- and the gentry liberal ones.
portunity which lhe forgot the timid,   Greenacre would have found more
inexperienced Damon might other- female admirers than I ever shall;
wise never Have found.              but the grand stream of sexual admiHere diplomacy was not policy, for, ration would have set Mariawards.
as my sagaciot s reader has perhaps This fact is as dark as night; but it
divined, Sir Charles Pomanlder was is as sure as the sun.
cfter her himnself                    The next day "the friends " (mnost
laughable of lhuman substantives!)
met in the theatre, and again visited
the green-room; and this time Vane
CHAPTER  III.              determined to do himself more justice.  He was again disappointed;
Ys::s, Sir Charles was afler Miss the actress's nmanner was ceremoniW~ofingrton.  I use that phrase be- ously polite.  She was almost con



28                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
stantly on the stage, and in a hurry   That night he avoided the greenwhen off it; and, when there was a room, though he could not forego the
word to be got with her, the ready, play; but the next night he deterglib Sir Charles was sure to get it. mined to stay at home altogether.
Vane could not help thinking it hard Accordingly, at five o'clock, the asthat a man who professed no respect tounded box-keeper wore a visage of
for her should thus keep the light dismay, - there was no shilling for
from him; and he could hardly con- him! and Mr. Vane's nightly shilling
ceal his satisfaction when Pomander, had assumed the sanctity of salary in
at night, bade him farewell for a fort- his mind.
night.  Pressing business took Sir   Mr. Vane strolled disconsolate; he
Charles into the country.          strolled by the Thames, he strolled
The good Sir Charles, however, up and down the Strand; and, finalcould not go without leaving his ly, having often admired the wisdom
sting behind as a companion to his of moths in their gradual approach to
friend. lHe called on Mr. Vane, and what is not good for them, he strolled
after a short preface, containing the into the green-room, Covent Garden,
words "our friendship," "old kind- and sat down. When there he did
ness," "my greater experience," he not feel happy. Besides, she had algravely warned him  against Mrs. ways been cold to him, and had given
Woffington.                        no sign of desiring his acquaintance,
" Not that I would say this if you still less of recognition.
could take her for what she is, and   Mr. Vane had often seen a weatheramuse yourself with her as she will cock at work, and he had heard a
with you, if she thinks it worth her -woman compared to it; but he hliad
while. But I see you have a heart, never realized the simplicity, beauty,
and she will make a football of it, and justice of the simile. He was
and torment you beyond all you have therefore surprised, as well as thrilled,
ever conceived of human anguish."   when Mrs. Woffington, so cool, cereMr. Vane colored high, and was monious, and distant hitherto, walked
about to interrupt the speaker; but up to him in the green-room with a face
he continued: -                    quite wreathed in smiles, and, with"There, I am  in a hurry. But out preliminary, thanked him for all
ask Quin, or anybody who knows her the beautiful flowers he had sent her.
history, you will find she has had    " What, Mrs. Woffington, - what,
scores of lovers, and no one remains you recognize me  "
her friend after they part."         " Of course, and have been foolish
" Men are such villains!"       enough to feel quite supported by the
" Very likely," was the  reply; thought I had at least one friend in
"but twenty men don't ill-use one the house. But," said she, looking
good woman: those are not the pro- down, "now you must not be angry;
portions. Adieu!"                  here are some stones that have fallen
This last hit frightened Mr; Vane, somehow among the flowers, I am
he began to look into himself; he going to give you them back, because
could not but feel that he was a mere I value flowers, so I cannot have
child in this woman's hands; and, them mixed with anything else; but
more than that, his conscience told don't ask me for a flower back," addhim that, if his heart should be made ed she, seeing the color  mount on
a football of, it would only be a just his face, "fbr I would not give one
and probable punishment. For there of them to you, or anybody."
were particular reasons why he, of all  Imagine the effect of this on a romen, had no business to look twice at mantic disposition like Mr. Vane's.
any woman whose name was Wof-   He told her how glad he was that
fington.                           she could distinguish, his features




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           29
amidst the crowd of her admirers; he   "No, it was in six weeks; that man
confssecd he had been mortified when never tells the truth; and since then
he found himself, as he thought, en- she has married a fourth."
tirely a stranger to her.            " I am glad of it!"
She interrupted him.               " So am I, since you awakened my
"Do you know  your friend Sir conscience."
Charles Pomander i  No! I am al-   Delicious flattery! and of all flatmost sure you do; well, he is a man tery the sweetest, when a sweet creaI do not like. He is deceitful, besides ture does flattery, not merely utters
he is a wicked man. There, to be it.
plain with you, he was watching me   After this, Vane made no more
all that night, the first time you came struggles; he surrendered himself to
here, and, because I saw  he was the charming seduction, and as his
watching me, I would not know who advances were respectful, but ardent
you were, nor anything about you."  and incessant, he found himself at the
"But you looked as if you had end of a fortnight Mrs. Woffington's
never seen me before."             professed lover.
"Of course I did, when I had    They wrote letters to each other
made up my mind to," said the ac- every.day. On Sunday they went to
tress, naively.                    church together in the morning, and
" Sir Charles has left London for a spent the afternoon in the suburbs
fortnight, so, if he is the only obsta- wherever grass was and dust was not.
cle, I hope you will know me every   In the next fortnight, poor Vane
night."                            thought he had pretty well fathomed
"Why, you sent me no flowers this extraordinary woman's character.
yesterday or to-day."              Plumb the Atlantic with an eighty"But I will to-morrow."          fathom line, sir!
"Then I am sure I shall know    "She is religious," said he, "she
your face again: good by. Won't loves a church much better than a
you see me in the last act, and tell playhouse, and she never laughs nor
me how ill I do it i"              goes to sleep in church as I do. And
" 0 yes!" and he hurried to his she is breaking me of swearing,- by
box, and so the actress secured one degrees. She says that no fashion
pair of hands for her last act.    can justify what is profane, and that
He returned to the green-room, but it must be vulgar as well as wicked.
she did not revisit that verdant bow- And she is frankness and simplicity
er. The next night, after the usual itself."
compliments, she said to him, looking   Another thing that charmed him
down with a sweet, engaging air: —   was her disinterestedness.  She or"I sent a messenger into the coun- dered him to buy her a present every
try to know about that lady."      day, but it was never to cost above a
"What lady 2 " said Vane, scarce- shilling. If an article could be found
ly believing his senses.           that cost exactly tenpence (a favorite
" That you were so unkind to me sum of hers), she was particularly
about."                      I    pleased, and these shilling presents
" I, unkind to you? what a brute were received with a flush of pleasure
I must be! "                      and brightening eyes: but when one
"My meaning is, you justly re- day he appeared with a diamond
buked me, only you should not tell necklace, it was taken very coldly, he
an actress she has no heart, - that is was not even thanked for it, and he
always understood. Well, Sir Charles was made to feel, once for all, that
Pomander said she married a third in the tenpenny ones were the best intwo months!"                      vestments towards her favor.
"And did she?"                    Then he found out that she was




30                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
very prudent and rather stingy; of great passage therein, as do the epic
Spartan simplicity in her diet, and a and dramatic writers; but since there
scorner of dress off the stage. To re- was often great point in any sentences
deenm this she was charitable, and her spoken on important occasions by this
charity and her economy sometimes lady, I will just quote her defence of
had a sore fighllt, during which she herself:  The reader may be sure she
was peevish, poor little soul.     did not play her weakest card; let
One day she made him a request.  us give her the benefit.
" I can't bear you should think me   One day she and Kitty Clive were
worse than I am, and I don't want at it ding-dong; the green-room was
you to think me better than I am."  full of actors, male and female, but
Vane trembled.                   there were no strangers, and the ladies
"But don't speak to others about were saying things which the men of
me; promise, and I will promise to this generation only think; at last
tell you my whole story, whenever Mrs. Woffington finding herself roughyou are entitled to such a confidence." ly, and, as she thought, unjustly han"When shall I be entitled to it?"  died, turned upon the assembly and
"When I am sure you love me."  said: " What man did ever I ruin in
" Do you doubt that now? "      all my life?  Speak who can!"
"Yes! I think you love me, but   And there was a dead silence.
I am not sure."                      " What woman is there here at as
"Margaret, remember I have known much as three pounds per week even,
you muchlonger than you have known that has n't ruined two at the very
me."                               least  "
"'No!"                             Report says there was a dead si"Yes! Two months before we lence again, until Mrs. Clive perked
ever spoke I lived upon your face and up, and said she had only ruined one,
voice."                            and that was his own fault!
" That is to say you looked from    Mrs. Woffington declined to attach
your box at me upon the stage, and weight to this  example.  "Kitty
did not I look from  the stage at Clive is the hook without the bait,"
you? "                            said she; and the laugh turned, as it
"Never! you always looked at the alvays did, against Peggy's antagopit, and my heart used to sink."   nist.
"On the 17th of May you first   Thus much was speedily shown to
came into that box. I noticed you a Mr. Vane, that, whatever were Mrs.
little, the next day I noticed you a Woffington's intentions towards him,
little more; I saw you fancied you interest had at present nothing to do
liked me, after a while Icould not with them; indeed it was made clear
have played without you."          that, even were she to surrender her
Here was delicious flattery again, liberty to him, it would only be as a
and poor Vane believed every word princess, forging golden chains for
of it.                             herself with her own royal hand.
As for her request and her promise,   Another fortnight passed to the mushe' showed her wisdom in both these. tual satisfaction of the lovers.  To
As Sir Charles observed, it is a won- Vane it was a dream of rapture to be
derful point gained if you allow a near this great creature, whom thouwornan to tell her story her own way. sands admired at such a distance; to
How the few facts that are allowed watch over her, to take her to the
to remain get moulded and twisted theatre in awarm shawl, to stand at
out of ugly forms into pretty shapes the wing and receive her as she came
by those supple, dexterous fingers!  radiant from  her dressing-room, to
This present story cannot give the watch her from her rear as she stood
life.of Mrs. Woffington, but only one like some power about to descend on




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                           31
the stage, to see her falcon-like stoop weakness in you, and it makes me unupon the said stage, and hear the comfortable."
burst of applause that followed, as   "Be comforted! Is it not a weakthe report does the flash; to compare ness to like you? "
this with the spiritless crawl with    " You are free from that weakness,
which common artists went on, tame or you would gratify my curiosity."
from their first note to their last;' to    " Be pleased to state, in plain, intake her hand when she came off, feel telligible English, what you require of
how her nerves were strung like a me."
greyhound's after a race, and her   " I want to know, in one word, did
whole frame in a high even glow, with you cry or not? "
the great Pythoness excitement of   "Promise  to  tease me no more
art.                                then, and I'11 tell you."
And to have the same great crea-   "I promise."
ture leaning her head on his shoulder,   " You won't despise me  "
and listeningl  with a charming com-   "Despise you! of course not."
placency, whilst he purred to her of   "Well, then, —I don't remember!"
love and calm delights, alternate with    On another occasion, they  were
still greater triunmphs; for he was to seated in the dusk, by the side of the
turn drama, tic writer, for her sake was canal in the Park, when a little anito write plays, a woman the hero, and  inal began to potter about on an adlove was to inspire him, and passion jacent bank.
supply the want of pencraft.  (You    Mrs. Woffington contemplated it
make me laugh, Mr. Vane I)          with curiosity and delight.
All this was heavenly.               "0  you pretty  creature!" said
And then with all her dash, and  she. "Nowyouarearabbit: at least,
fire, and bravado, she was a thorough I think so."
woman.                                 "No," said Vane, innocently; " that
"I Margaret!"                    is a rat."
"Ernest l"                          "Ah! ah! ah!" screamed Mrs.
"I want to ask you a question. Woffington, and  pinched  his arm.
Did you really cry because that Miss This frightened the rat, who disapBellamy had dresses from Paris? "    peared.  She burst out la-ughing:
" It does not seem very likely."  " There's a fool! The thing did not' No, but tell me; did you 3"     frighten me, and the name did. De" Who said I (lid? "             pend upon it, it's true what they say,
" Mr. Cibber."                    - that, off the stage, I am the great"Old fool! "                     est fool there is. I'11 never be so ab-' Yes, but did you 3."            surd agtain. Ah! ah! ah! here it is
"Did I what?"                    again" (scream and pinch, as before).
".Cry!"                          ".Do take me from this horrid place,
" Ernest, the minx's dresses were where monsters come from  the great
beautiful."                         deep."
"No doubt. But did you cry?"        And she flounced  away, looking
"And mine were dirty; I don't daggers askant at the place the rat
care about gilt rags, but dirty dress- had vacated in equal terror.
es, uoh 1"                            All this was silly, but- it pleases us
"Tell me, then."                  men, and contrast is so charming!
"Tell you what? "                This same fool was brimful of talent,
"Did you cry or not?"           — and cunning, too, for that matter.
"Ah  l he wants to find out whether   She played late that niglht, and
I anm a fool, and despise me."      Mr. Vane saw  the samine creature,
" No, I think I should love you who dared not stay where she was libetter: for hitherto I have seen no able to a distant rat, spring upon the




82                      PEG  WOFFINGTON.
stage as a gay rake, and flash out her catch a word or two, and,' It told,
rapier, and act valor's king to the sir, - it told.'"
lifb, and seem ready to eat up every-   "You alarm me! At this rate, I
body, King Fear included; and then, shall never know what you see, hear,
after her brilliant sally upon the pub- or think, by your face."
lie, Sir Harry Wildair came and    "When you want to know anystood beside Mr. Vane.             thing, ask me, and I will tell you;
Her bright skin, contrasted with but nobody else shall learn anything,
her powdered periwig, became daz- nor even you, any other way."
zling. She used little rouge, but that   "Did vou hear the feeble tribute of
little made her eves two balls of black praise I was paying you, when you
lightning. From her high instep to her came in?" inquired Vane.
polished forehead, all was symmetry.   "No.  You did not say that my
Her leg would have been a sculptor's voice had the compass and variety of
glory; and the curve from her waist nature, and my movements were free
to her knee was Hogarth's line itself: and beautiful, whilst the others when
She stood like Mercury new light- in motion were stilts, and coffee-pots
ed on a heaven-kissing hill. She when in repose, did you?"
placed her foot upon the ground, as   " Something of the sort, I believe,"
she might put a hand-upon her lover's cried Vane, laughing.
shoulder. We indent it with our   "I melted from one fine statue into
eleven undisguised stone.          another, I restored the Antinous to
Such was Sir Harry Wildair, who his true  sex.- Goose! — Painters
stood by Mr. Vane, glittering with might learn their art from me (in my
diamond buckles, gorgeous with rich dressing-room, no doubt), and orators
satin breeches, velvet coat, ruffles, revive at my lips the music of Athpictce vestis et auri; and as she bent ens, that quelled mad mobs and prinher long eye-fringes down on him  ces drunk with victory.-Silly fel(hle was seated), all her fiery charms low!- Praise was never so sweet to
gradually softened and quivered down me," murmured she, inclining like a
to womanhood.                      goddess of love towards him; and he
" The first time I was here," said fastened on two velvet lips, that did
Vane, " my admiration of you broke not shun the sweet attack, but gently
out to Mr. Cibber; and what do you parted with a heavenly sigh; while
think he said? "                   her heaving bosom   and  yielding
"That you praised me, for me to frame and swimming eyes confessed
hear you. Did you         "        her conqueror.
" Acquit me of such meanness."     That morning Mr. Vane had been
"Forgive me. It is just what I dispirited, and apparently self-disconshould have done, had I been court- tented; but at night he went home
ing an actress."                   in a state of mental intoxication.
" I think you have not met many His poetic enthusiasm, his love, his
ingenuous spirits, dear friend."  vanity, were all gratified at once.
" Not one, my child."            And all these, singly, have conquered
This was a phrase she often ap- Prudence and Virtue a million times.
plied to him now.                    She had confessed to him that she
" The old fellow pretended to hear was disposed to risk her happiness on
what I said, too; and I am sure you him; she had begged him to submit
did not, - did you?"               to a short probation; and she had
"Guess."                         promised, if her confidence and es" I guess not."                  teem remained unimpaired at the close
" I am afraid I must plead guilty. of that period, -which was not to be
An actress's ears are so quick to hear an unhappy one, - to take advantage
praise, to tell you the truth, I did of the summer holidays, and cross the




PEG WOFFINGTONT.                           33
water with him, and forget everything consoled by observing that this sort
in the world with him, but love.    of thing did his mistress good. What
HI-ow was it that the very next lihe felt was, that his mistress, who did
morning clouds chased one another everything well, whipped him  with
across his face I Was it that men are energy and skill; it did not take ten
happy but while the chase is doubt- seconds, but still, in that brief period,
ful 2 Was it the letter.from Poman- Pompey found himself dusted and
der announcing his return, and sneer- polished off.
ingly inquiring whether he was still   The sacred principle of justice was
tile dupe of Peg Woffington? or was as strong in Mrs. Wofdington as in
it that same mysterious disquiet which the rest of her sex; she had not one
attacked him  periodically, and then grain of it. When she was not in her
gave way for a while to pleasure and tantrums, the mischievous imp was as
her golden dreams?                 sacred from check or remonstrance as
The next day was to be a day of a monkey, or a lap-dog; and several
delight. Hle was to entertain her at female servants left the house on his
his own house; and, to do her honor, account.
he had asked Mr. Cibber, Mr. Quin,   But Nemesis overtook him in the.
and other actors, critics, &c.      way we have hinted, and it put his
Our friend, Sir Charles Pomander, little black pipe out.
had been guilty of two ingenuities:   The lady had taken him  out of
first, he had written three or four let- great humanity; he was fed like a
ters, full of respectful admiration, to game-cock, and dressed like a BarMrs. Woffington, of whom he spoke baric prince; and once when he was
slightingly to Vane; second, he had ill his mistress watched him, and
made a disengenuous purchase.       nursed him, and tended him with the
This purchase was Pompey, Mrs. same white hand that plied the obWoffington's little black slave. It is noxious whip; and when he died,
a horrid fact, but Pompey did not she alone withheld her consent from
love his mistress: he was a little en- his burial, and this gave him a chance
amored of her, as small boys are apt black boys never get, and he came to
to be, but, on the whole, a sentiment again; but still these tarnation lickof hatred slightly predominated in his ings "stuck in him  gizzard."  So
little black bosom.                 when Sir Charles's agent proposed to
It was not without excuse.        him certain silver coins, cheap at a litThis lady was subject to two un- tle treachery, the ebony ape grinned
pleasant companions, - sorrow and  till he turned half-ivory, and became
bitterness. About twice a week she a spy in the house of his mistress.
would cry for two hours; and after   The reader will have gathered that
this class of fit she generally went the good Sir Charles had been quietly
abroad, and made a round of certain  in London some hours before he anpoor or sick protQ/e's she had, and re- nounced himself as paulo post fttturum.
turned smiling and cheerful.          Diamond cut diamond; a diploBut other' twice a week she might nmatic stole this march upon an acbe seen to sit upon her chair, con- tress, and took her black pawn. One
tracted into half her size, and look- for Pomander! (Gun.)
ing daggers at the universe in general, the world in particular; and on  -
these occasions, it must be owned,
she stayed at home, and sometimes             CHAPTER IV.
whipped Pompey.
Pompe y had not the sense to reflect   TRIPLET, the Cerberus of art, who
that he ought to have been whipped had the first bark in this legend, and
every day, or the esprit de corps to be has since been out of hearing, ran
2A                                   C




341                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
from Lambeth to Covent Garden, on I Now Mr. Vane, we know, was in
receipt of Mr. Vane's note. But ran the green-room, and went home by
he never so quick, he had built a full- the stage-door. The last thing he
sized castle in the air before he reached thought of was poor Triplet; the rich
Bow Street.                        do not dream how they disappoint the
The letter hinted at an order upon poor. Triplet's castle fell as many a
his muse for amatory verse; delight- predecessor had. When the lights
ful task, cheering prospect.       were put out, he left the theatre with
Bid a man whose usual lot it is to a bitter sigh.
break stones for the parish at ten-   "If this gentleman knew how many
pence the cubic yard, - bid such an sweet children I have, and what a
one play at marbles with some stone good, patient, suffering wife, sure he
taws for half an hour per day, and  would not have chosen me to make a
pocket one pound one, - bid a poor fool of! " said the poor fellow to himhorse who has drawn those stones self.
about, and browsed short grass by the   In Bow  Street, he turned, and
wayside, — bid him canter a few times looked back upon the theatre. How
round a grassy ring, and then go to gloomy and grand it loomed!
his corn, — in short, bid Rosinante   " Ah! " thought he, " if I could but
change with Pegasus, and you do no conquer you; and why not? All
more than Mr. Vane's letter held out history shows that nothing is unconto Triplet.                         querable except perseverance. HanThe amatory verse of that day was nibal conquered the Alps, and I'11
not up-hill work. There was a beat- conquer you," cried Triplet, firmly.
en track on a dead level, and you fol- "Yes, this visit is not lost; here I
lowed it. You told the tender ciea- register a vow: I will force my way
ture, with a world of circumlocution,  into that mountain of masonry, or
that, "without joking now," she was perish in the attempt."
a leper, ditto a tigress, item marble.   Triplet's  most  unpremeditated
You next feigned a lucid interval, and thoughts and actions often savored
to be on the point of detesting your ridiculously of the sublime. Then
monster, but in twenty more verses and there, gazing with folded arms
love became, as usual, stronger than  on this fortress of Thespis, the
reason, and you wound up your rot- polytechnic man organized his first
ten yarn thus: —                   assault. The next evening he made
You hugged a golden chain. You  it.
drew  deeper into  your wound  a   Five months previously he had sent
barbed shaft, like - (any wild animal the manager three great, large tragewill do, no one of them is such an  dies. He knew the aversion a theatass, so you had an equal title to all): rical manager has to read a manuscript
and on looking back you saw with play, not recommended by influential
horrible complacency that you had  folk; an aversion which always has
inflicted one hundred locusts, five feet been carried to superstition.  So he
long, upon oppressed humanity.     hit on the following scheme:Wont to travel over acres of canvas   He wrote Mr. Rich a letter; in
for a few shillings, and roods of paper this he told Mr. Rich that he (Tripon bare speculation, Triplet knew he let) was aware what a quantity of
could make a thousand a year at the trash is offered every week to a manaabove work without thinking.       ger, how disheartening it must be to
He came therefore to the box-keeper read it at all, and how natural, after
with his eyes glittering.          a while, to read none. Therefore,
"Mr. Vane?"                      he (Triplet) had provided that Mr.
" Just gone out with a gentleman." Rich might economize his time, and
"I'll wait then,"                yet not remain in ignorance of the




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                           35
dramatic treasure that lay ready to painted for him a large scene, illumlhis hand.                           nated by two great poetical incidents:
"The soul of a play," continued a red sun, of dimensions never seen
Triplet, "is the plot or fable. A  out of doors in this or any country;
gentleman of your experience can de- and an ocean of sand, yellower than
cide at once whether a plot or story is up to'that time had been attained in
one to take the public! "          art or nature; and that once, when
So then he drew out, in full, the the audience, late in the evening, had
three plots.  He wrote these plots in  suddenly demanded a popular song
verse!  I-eaven forgive us all, he from Mr. Nokes, he (Triplet) seeing
really  did.  There were also two the orchestra thinned by desertion,
margins left; on one, which was nar- and nugatory by intoxication, had
row, he jotted down the locale per st-irted from the pit, resuscitated with
page of the most brilliant passages; the whole contents of his snuff-box
on the other margin, which was as the bass fiddle, snatched the leader's
wide as the column of the plot, he violin, and carried Mr. Nokes trimade careful drawings of the person- umphantly through; that thunders
ages in the principal dramatic situa- of applause had followed, and Mr.
tions; scrolls issued ftom their mouths, Nokes had kindly returned thanks
on which were written the words of for both; but that he (Triplet) had hasfire that were flowing from each in  tily retired to evade the manager's
these eruptions of the dramatic action. acknowledgments, preferring to wait
All was referred to pages in the man- an opportunity like the present, when
uscripts.                           both  interests could  be  conciliat"By this means, sir," resumed the ed, &c.
latter, "you will gut my fish in a   This letter he posted at its destinajiffy; permit me to recall that expres- tion, to save time, and returned triumsion, with apologies for my freedom. phant home. He had now forgiven
I would say, you will, in a few min- and almost forgotten Vane; and had
utes of your valuable existence, skim  reflected that, after all, the drama was
the cream of Triplet."              his proper walk.
This author's respect for the mana-   "My dear," said he to Mrs. Tripger's time carried him  into further let, "this family is on the eve of a
and unusual details.                great triumph! "   Then, inverting
" Breakfast," said he, " is a quiet that order of the grandiloquent and
meal. Let me respectfully suggest, the homely which he invented in our
that by placing one of my plots on first chapter, he proceeded to say: "I
the table, with, say, the sugar-basin have reared in a single day a new aveupon it (this, again, is a mere sugges- nueby which histrionic greatness, hithtion), and the play it appertains to on erto obstructed, may become accessiyour other side; you can readily j udge ble. Wife, I think I have done the
my work without disturbing the ave- trick atlast. Lysimachus!" added he,
cations of the day, and master a play  "let a libation be poured out on so smilin the twinkling of a teacup; forgive ing an occasion, and a burnt-offelring
my facetiousness.  This day month, rise to propitiate the celestial powers.
at ten of the clock, I shall expect," Run to the' Sun,' you dog. Three
said Triplet, with sudden severity, pennyworth of ale, and a hap'orth o'
"sir, your decision! "              tobacco."
Then, gliding back to the courtier,   Ere the month was out, I am sorry
he formally disowned all special title to say, the Triplets were reduced to a
to the consideration he expected from  state of beggary. Mrs. Triplet's health
Mr. Rich's well-known courtesy; still had long been failing; and, although
lie begged permission to remind that her duties at her little theatre were
gentleman, that he had six years ago light and occasional, the manager was




36                        PEG WOFFINGTON.
obliged to discharge her, since she eve should not come with e full relish
could not be.ldepended upon.          to meat three times a week, which,
The family had not enough to eat! unless I am an ass (and I don't see
Think ofthat! They-were not warm  myself in that light)," said Triplet,
at night, and they felt gnawing and  dryly, "will, I apprehend, be, after
faintness often by day.  Think of this day, the primary condition of our
that!                                 future existence."
Fortune was unjust here. The man    " James, take the picture with you,"
was laughable, and a goose; and had  said Mrs. Triplet, in one of those
no genius either for writing, painting, calm, little, desponding voices that fall
or acting; but in that he resembled  upon the soul so agreeably when one
most writers, painters, and actors of is a cock-a-hoop, and desires, with perhis own day and ours.  He was not mission, so to remain.
beneath the average of what men call   " What on earth am I to take Mrs.
art, and it is art's antipodes, - tread- Woffington's portrait for? "
mill artifice.                          " We have nothing in the house,"
Other fluent ninnies shared gain, said the wife, blushing.
and even fime, and were called'pen-   Triplet's eye glittered like a rattlemen,' in Triplet's day.  Other rant- snake's.
ers were quietly getting rich by noise.   "The intimation is eccentric," said
Other liars and humbugs were paint- he.  "Are you mad, Jane?  Pray,"
ing out o' doors in-doors, and eating  continued he, veiling his wrath in
mutton instead of thistles for drenched  scornful words, " is it requisite, herostinging - nettles, yclept trees; for ic, or judicious on the eve, or more
block-tin clouds; for butlers' pantry  correctly the mornu, of affluence to deseas, and garret-conceived lakes; for posit an unfinished work of art with a
molten sugar-candy rivers; for airless mercenary relation l   Hang it, Jane!
atmosphere and sunless air; for carpet would you really have me pawn Mrs.
nature, and cold, dead fragments of an  Woffington to-day? "
earth all soul and living glory to every    " James," said Jane, steadily, " the
cultivated eye but a routine painter's. manager may disappoint you, we have
Yet the man of many such mediocri- often been disappointed; so take the
ties could not keep the pot boiling. picture with you.  They will give you
We suspect that, to those who would  ten shillings on it."
rise in life, even strong versatility is a    Triplet was of those who see things
very doubtful good, and weak versa- roseate, Mrs. Triplet lurid.
tility ruination.                       "Madam," said the poet, " for the
At last, the bitter, weary month  first time in our conjugal career, your
was gone, and Triplet's eye bright- commands deviate so entirely fi-om
ened gloriously.  He donned his best reason, that I respectfully withdraw
suit; and, whilst tying his cravat, lee- that implicit obedience which  has
tured his family.  First, he compli- hitherto constituted my principal repmented them  upon their deportment utation.  I'm  hanged  if I do  it,
in adversity; hinted that moralists, Jane! "
not experience, had informed  him       "Dear James, to oblige me!"
prosperity was far more trying to the    " That alters the case; you confess
character. Put them all solemnly on it is unreasonable?"
their guard down to Lucy, cetat five,   "0 yes! it is only to oblige me."
that they were maorittori and ce, and    " Enough!"  said Triplet, whose
must be pleased to abstain from " inso- tongue was often a flail that fell on
lent gladness" upon his return.       friend, foe, and self indiscriminately.
" Sweet are the uses of adversity! " ".Allow it to be unreasonable, and I
continued this cheerful monitor. " If do it as a matter of course, - to please
we had not been hard up this while, you, Jane."




PEG WOFFINGTON.                            37
Accordingly the good soul wrapped head; he called to him the keenest of
it in green baize; but to relieve his his servants, Hunsdon, and ordered
mind he was obliged to get behind his him to ride back past the carriage,
wife, and shrug his shoulders to Ly- then follow and put up at the same
simachus and the eldest girl, as who inn, to learn who the lady was, and
should say voilhz bieen une feJmme votre whither going; and, this knowledge?mre a ous!                         gained, to ride into town full speed
At last he was off, in high spirits. ancl tell his master all about it. Sir
He reached Covent Garden at half- Charles then resumed his complacenpast ten, and there the poor fellow  cy, and cantered into London that
was sucked into our narrative whirl- same evening.
pool.                                 Arrived there, he set himself in earWe must, however, leave him for a nest to cut out his friend with Mrs.
few minutes.                        Woffington. He had already caused
his correspondence with that lady to
grow warm  and more tender by deCHAPTER  V.                grees.  Keeping a copy of his last, he
always knew where he was. Cupid's
SIR CHARLIES POMTANDER was de- barometer rose by rule; and so he artained in the country much longer rived by just gradations at an artful
than he expected.                   climlax, and made her in terms of
He was rewarded by a little adven- chivalrous affection, an offer of a
tare. As he cantered up to London  house, &c., three hundred a year, &c.,
with two servants and a post-boy, all not forgetting his heart, &c.  He
riding on horses ordered in relays be- knew that the ladies of the stage have
forehand, he came up with an ante- an ear for flattery and an eye to the
diluvian coach, stuck fast by the road- main chance.
side. Looking into the window, with    The good Sir Charles felt sure that,
the humane design of quizzing the however she might flirt with Vane or
elders who should be there, he saw a others, she would not forego a posiyoung lady  of surpassing beauty. tion  for any disinterested penchant.
This altered the case; Sir Charles in- Still, as he was a close player, he destantly drew  bridle and offered his ternlined to throw a little cold water
services.                           on that flame. His plan, like everyThe lady thanked him, and being thing truly scientific, was simple.
an innocent country lady, she opened    "I'11 run her down to hin, and ridithose sluices, her eyes, and two tears cule him to her," resolved this faithful
gently trickled down, while she told friend and lover dear.
him how eager she was to reach Lon-   He began with Vane. He found
don, and how  mortified  at this die- him just leaving his own house. Aflay.                                 ter the usual compliments, some such
The good Sir Charles was touched. dialogue as this took place between
He leaped his horse over a hedge, gal- Telemachus and pseudo Mentor:loped to a farm-house in sight, and re-   "I trust you are not really in the
turned with ropes and rustics. These power of this actress? "
and Sir Charles's horses soon drew    " You are the slave of a word," rethe coach out of some stiffish clay.    plied Vane. " Would you confound
The lady thanked him, and thanked  black and white because both are colhim, and thanked him, with height- ors?  She is like that sisterhood in
ening color and beaming eyes, and he nothing but a name. Even on the
rode away like a hero.              stage they have nothing in common.
Before he had gone five miles he They are puppets, - all attitude and
became thoughtful and self-dissatis- trick: she is all ease, grace, and
fled, finally his remorse came to a nature."




38                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
"Nature!" cried Pomander. "Iais- " Excuse me, I desire to be alone for
sez-moi tranquille. They have artifice, half an hour."
- nature's libel. She has art, — na-   Machiavel bowed; and, instead of
ture's counterfeit."                 taking offence, said, in a tone full of
"Her voice is truth told by mu- feeling: "Ah! I give you pain!
sic," cried the poetical lover; "theirs But you are right; think it calmly
are jingling instruments  of false- over awhile, and you will see I adhood."                               vise you well."
" They are all instruments," said    He then made for the theatre, and
the satirist; "slhe is rather the best the weakish personage he had been
tuned and played."                   playing  upon walked down to the
" Her face speaks in every linea- river, almost ran, in fact. He wantment; theirs are rouged and wrinkled  ed to be out of sight.
masks."                                He got behind some houses, and
"Her mask is  the best made, then his face- seemed literally to break
mounted, and moved; that is all."   loose fiom confinement; so anxious,
"She is a fountain of true feel- sad, fearful, and bitter were the exing."                                pressions that coursed each other over
"No; a pipe that conveys it with- that handsome countenance.
out spilling or holding a drop."       What is the meaning of these hot
"She is an angel of talent, sir."    and cold fits? It is not Sir Charles
"She's a devil of deception."     who has the power to shake Mr.
"She is a divinity to worship."   Vane so without some help from
"She's a woman to fight shy of. within. There is something wrong about
There is not a woman in London bet- this man!
ter known," continued Sir Charles.                -
" She is a fair actress on the boards,
and a great actress off them; but I           CHAPTER VI.
can tell you how to add a new charm
to her."                               MACHIAVEL  entered  the green"Heaven can only do that," said room, intending  to wait for Mrs.
Vane, hastily.                       Woffington, and carry out the second
" Yes, you can. Make her blush. part of his plan.
Ask her for the list of your predeces-   He knew that weak minds cannot
sors."                               make head against ridicule, and withl
Vane winced visibly. He quick- this pickaxe he proposed to clear the
ened his step, as if to get rid of this way, before he came to grave, sensigadfly.                              ble, business love with  the lady.
"I spoke to Mr. Quin," said he, Machiavel was a man of talent. If
at last; " and he, who has no preju- he has been a silent personage hitherdice, paid her character the highest to, it is merely because it was not his
compliment."                        cue to talk, but listen; otherwise, he
" You have paid it the highest it was rather a master of the art of
admits," was the reply. "You have speech. He could be insinuating, ellet it deceive you."  Sir Charles con- oquent, sensible, or satirical; at will.
tinned in a more solemn tone: " Pray  This personage sat in the green-room.
be warned.  Why is it every man of In one hand was his diamond snuffintellect loves an actress once in his box, in the other a richly laced handlife, and no man of sense ever did it kerchief; his clouded cane reposed
twice  "                            by his side.
This last hit, coming after the   There was an air of success about
carte and tierce we have described, this personage.  The gentle reader,
brought an expression of pain to Mr. however conceited a dog, could not
Vane's face.   He said abruptly: see how he was to defeat Sir Charles,




PEG WOFFINGTON.                          3S9
who was tall, stout, handsome, rich,   "Mr. Triplet," said Triplet.
witty, self-sufficient, cool, majestic,   " Triplet?  There is something
courageous, and in whom were unit- for you in the hall," said the urchin,
ed the advantages of a hard head, a and went off to fetch it.
tough stomach, and no heart at all.  "I knew it," said Triplet to himThis great creature sat expecting self; "they are accepted. There's
Mrs. Woffington, like Olympian Jove a note in the hall to fix the reading."
awaiting Juno. But he was mortal He then derided his own absurdity in
after all; for suddenly the serenity having ever for a moment desponded.
of that adamantine countenance was "Master of three arts, by each of
disturbed; his eye dilated; his grace which men grow  fat, how  was it
and dignity were shaken. He hud- possible he should starve- all his
died his handkerchief into one pocket, days!"
his snuff-box into another, and for-   He enjoyed a natural vanity for a
got his cane. He ran to the door in few moments, and then came more
unaffected terror.                 generous feelings. What sparkling
Where are all his fine airs before a eyes there would be in Lambeth toreal danger    Love, intrigue, diplo- day! The butcher, at sight of Mr.
macy, were all driven fiom his mind; Rich's handwriting, would give him
for he beheld that approaching, which credit.  Jane should have a new
is the greatest peril and disaster gown.
known to social man. He saw a bore   But when his tragedies were played,
coming into the room!             and he paid! El Dorado! His chilIn a wild thirst for novelty, Po- dren should be the neatest in the
mander had once penetrated to Good- street.  Lysimachus and Roxalana
man's Fields Theatre; there he had should learn the English language,
unguardedly put a question to a car- cost what it might; sausages should
penter behind the scene; a seedy- be diurnal; and he himself would
black poet instantly pushed the car- not be puffed up, fat, lazy. No! he
penter away  (down a trap it is would work all the harder, be affable
thought), and answered it in seven as ever, and, above all, never swamp
pages, and in continuation was so the father, husband, and honest man
vaguely communicative, that he drove in. the poet and the blackguard of
Sir Charles back into the far west.   sentiment.
Sir Charles knew him again in a   Next his reflections took a business
moment, and at sight of him bolted. turn.
They met at the door. "Ah! Mr.   " These tragedies - the scenery?
Triplet!" said the fugutive, " en- 0, I shall have to paint it myself.
chanted —to wish you good morn- The heroes?  Well, they have noing! " and he plunged into the hid- body who will play them as I should.
ing-places of the theatre.         (This was true!)  It will be hard
"That is a verypolite gentleman!" work, all this; but then I shall be
thought Triplet. He was followed paid for it. I cannot go on this way:
by-the call-boy, to whom he was ex- I must and will be paid separately for
plaining that his avocations, though my branches."
numerous, would not prevent his   Just as he came to this resolution,
paying Mr. Richthe compliment of the boy returned with a brown-paper
waiting all day in his green-room, parcel, addressed to Mr. James Tripsooner than go without an answer to let. Triplet weighed it in his hand;
three important propositions, in which it was heavy. " How is this? " cried
the town and the arts were con- he.  "0, I see," said he, "these
cerned.                            are the tragedies. He sends them to
" What is your name?" said the me for some trifling alterations: manbc- of business to the man of words. agers always do.'  Triplet then de



40                       PEG WOFFINGTON.
termined to adopt these alterations, ment on the seat before he could find
if judicious; for, argued he, sensibly strength to go home and destroy all
enough: " Managers are practical the hopes he had raised.
men: and we, in the heat of composi-   Whilst Triplet sat collapsed on the
tion, sometimes (sic?) say more than bench, fate sent into the room all in
is necessary, and become tedious."   one moment, as if to insult his sorWith that he opened the parcel, row, a creature that seemed the godand looked for Mr. Rich's communi- dess of gayety, impervious to a care.
cation; it was not in sight. He had  She swept in with a bold, fiee step,
to look between the leaves of the man- for she was rehearsing a man's part,
uscripts for it; it was not there. He and thundered without rant, but with
shook them; it did not fall out. He a spirit and fire, and pace, beyond
shook them as a dog shakes a rabbit; the conception of our poor tame acnothing!                           tresses of 1852, these lines:-'rThe tragedies were returned without a word.  It took him some time                       " Now, by the joys
out a word. It took him some time Which my soul still has uncontrolled pursued,
to realize the full weight of the blow; I would not turn aside from my least pleasure,
but at last he saw that the manager Though all thy force were armed to bar my
of the Theatre Royal, Covent Gar-         way;
den, declined to take a tragedy by But, like the birds, great Nature's happy
Triplet into consideration or bare ex- Rifle the swoeets, 
amination.
iHe turned  dizzy for a moment.   "I beg —your par-don, sir!"
Something between a sigh and a cry holding the book on a level with her
escaped him, and he sank upon a cov- eye, she had nearly run over "two
ered bench that ran along the wall. poets instead of one."
His poor tragedies fell here and there    "Nay, madam," said Triplet, adupon the ground, and his head went miring, though sad, wretched, but podown upon his hands, which rested lite, "pray continue.  Happy  the
on Mrs. Woffington's picture. His hearer, and still happier the author
anguish was so sharp, it choked his of verses so spoken. Ah! "
breath; when he recovered it, his eye   "Yes," replied the lady, "if you
bent down upon the picture. "Ah, could persuade authors what we do
Jane," he groaned, "you know this for them, when we coax good muvillanous world better than I! "  He sic to grow on *barren words.  Are
placed the picture gently on the seat you an author, sir?" added she, sly(that picture must now  be turned ly.
into bread), and slowly stooped for   "In a small way, madam. I have
his tragedies; they had fallen hither here three trifles, - tragedies."
and thither; he had to crawl about   Mrs. Woffington looked askant at
for them; he was an emblem of all them, like a shy mare.
the humiliations letters endure.      " Ah, madam! " said Triplet, in
As he went after them on all-fours, one of his insane fits, "if I might but
more than one tear pattered on the submit them to such a judgment as
dusty floor.  Poor fellow! he was yours?"
Triplet, and  could not have died    He laid hIis hand on them. It was
without tingeing the death-rattle with as when a strange dog sees us go to
some absurdity; but, after all, he was take up a stone.
a father driven to despair; a castle-   The actress recoiled.
builder, with his work rudely scat-   "I am no judge of such things,"
tered;'an artist, brutally crushed and cried she, hastily.
insulted by a greater dunce than him-   Triplet bit his lip. He could have
self.                               killed her. It was provoking, people
Faint, sick, and dark, he sat a mo- would rather be hung than read a




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           41
manuscript. Yet what hopeless trash    " We have met before. There, don't
they will read in crowds, which was speak, I'll tell you who you are.
manuscript a day ago. Les ilbheciles! Yours is a face that has been good to
" No more is the manager of this me, and I never forget them."
theatre a judge of such things," cried   " Me, madam! " said Triplet, tathe outraged quill-driver, bitterly.  ken aback. "I trust I know what
"What! has he accepted them  " is due to you better than to be good
said needle-tongue.                to you, madam," said he, in his con" No, madam, he has had them six fused way.
months, and see, madam, he has re-   "To be sure!" cried she, "it is
turned them me without a word."    Mr. Triplet, good Mr. Triplet!"
Triplet's lip trembled.          And this vivacious dame, putting her
" Patience, my good sir," was the book down, seized both Triplet's hands
merry reply. " Tragic authors should and shook them.
possess that, for they teach it to their   He shook hers warmly in return
audiences. Managers, sir, are like out of excess of timidity, and dropped
Eastern monarchs, inaccessible but to tragedies, and kicked at them convulslaves and sultanas. Do you know I sively when they were down, for fear
called upon Mr. Rich fifteen times they should be in her way, and his
before I could see him? "         mouth opened, and his eyes glared.
"You, madam? Impossible!"        " Mr. Triplet,"'said the lady, "do
"0, it was years ago, and he has you remember an Irish orange-girl
paid a hundred pounds for each of you used to give sixpence to at Goodthose little visits. Well, now, let me man's Fields, and pat her on the head
see, fifteen times; you must write and give her good advice, like a good
twelve more tragedies, and then he old soul as you were? She took the
will read one; and when he has read sixpence."
it, he will favor you with his judg-   "Madam," said Trip, recovering
ment upon it; and when you have a grain of pomp, " singular as it may
got that, you will have what all the appear, I remember the young perworld knows is not worth a farthing. son; she was very engaging. I trust
He! he! he!                      no harm  hath befallen her, for methought I discovered, in spite of her'And like the birds, gay Nature's happy  tho ught I d iscovered, in spite of her
brogue, a beautiful nature in her."
commoners,                      9Zn )
Rifle the sweets'- mum- mum - mum."   "Go along wid your blarney," answered a rich brogue; "an' is it the
Her high spirits made Triplet sad- comanther ye'd be putting on poor
der. To think that one word from  little Peggy I?"
this laughing lady would secure his   "Oh! oh gracious!" gasped Tripwork a hearing, and that he dared let.
not ask her.  She was up in the   "Yes," was the reply; but into
world, he was down. She was great, that "yes" she threw a whole senhe was nobody. He felt a sort of chill tence of meaning. "Fine cha-ney
at this woman, -all brains and no oranges!" chanted she, to put the
heart. He took his picture and his matter beyond dispute.
plays under his arms and crept sor-   "Am I really so honored as to have
rowfully away.                     patted you on that queen-like head!"
The actress's eye fell on him as he and he glared at it.
went off like a fifth act. His Don   "On the same head which now I
Quixote face struck her.. She had wear," replied she, pompously. "I
seen it before.                    kept it for the convaynience hintirely,
"Sir," said she.                 only there's more in it. Well, Mr.
"Madam," said Triplet, at the Triplet, you see what time has done
door.                              for me; now tell me whether he has




42                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
been as kind to you: are you going to great Mrs. Woffington has deigned to
speak to me, Mr. Triplet  "        remember me, and call me friend."
As a decayed hunter stands lean    Such was Triplet's summary.
and disconsolate, head poked forward   Mrs. Woffington drew  out her
like a goose's, but if hounds sweep by memorandunm-book, and took down
his paddock in full cry, followed by her summary of the crafty Triplet's
horses who are what he was not, he facts. So easy is it for us Triplets to
does by reason of the good blood draw the wool over the eyes of women
that is and will be in his heart, dclm  and Woffingtons.
spiritus boss regit artus, cock his ears,   " Triplet, discharged from  sceneerect his tail, and trot fiery to his painting; wife, no engagement; four
extremest hedge, and look over it, children supported  by his pen, -
nostril distended, mane flowing, and that is to  say, starving; lose no
neigh the hunt onward like a trum- time!"
pet; so Triplet, who had manhood at   She closed her book; and smiled,
bottom, instead of whining out his and said:troubles in the ear of encouraging    "I wish these things were comedies
beauty, as a sneaking spirit would, instead of trash-edies, as the French
perked up, and resolved to put the call them; we would cut one in half;
best face upon it anl before so charm- and slice away the finest passages,
ing a creature of the other sex.   and then I would act in it: and you
"Yes, madam," cried he, with the would see how the sta(e-door would
air of one who could have smacked fly open at sight of the author."
his lips, "Providence has blessed me   "0 Heaven!" said poor Trip, exwith  an  excellent wife  and four cited by this picture. "I'll go home,
charming children.  My wife was and write a comedy this moment."
Miss  Chatterton:  you  remember   "Stay! " said she; "you had betherl2 "                            ter leave the tragedies with me."
"Yes!  Where is she playing    "My  dear madam!  You will
now? "                           I read them? "
"Why, madam, her health is too   "Ahem! I will make poor Rich
weak for it."                      read them."
"Oh! —You were scene-painter.   "But, madam, he  has rejected
Do you still paint scenes? "      them."
" With the pen, madam, not the   " That is *the first step. Reading
brush: as the wags said, I transferred themn comes after, when it comes at
the distemper from my canvas to my all.  What have you got in that
imagination."  And Tiiplet laughed green baize?"
uproariously.                        "In this green baize?
When he had done, Mrs. Woffing-   " Well, in this green baize, then."
ton, who had joined the laugh, in-   "0  madam! nothing- nothing!
quired quietly whether his pieces had To tell the truth, it is an adventurous
met with success.                  attempt from  memory. I saw you
"Eminent —in  the closet; the play  Silvia, madam; I was  so
stage is to come!" and he smiled charmed, that I came every night.
absurdly again.                    I took your face home with me, -
The lady smiled back.            forgive my presumption, madam, -
"In short," said Triplet, recapitu- and I produced this faint adumbralating, "being blessed with health, tion, which I expose with diffidence."
and more tastes in the arts than most,   So thenlhe took the green baize off.
and a cheerful spirit, I should be   The color rushed into her face;
wrong, madam, to repine; and this she was evidently gratified.  Poor,
day, in particular, is a happy one," silly Mrs. Triplet was doomed to be
added the rose colorist, "since the right about this portrait.




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                          43
"I will give you a sitting," said quoth  the  Woffington, improvisshe. "You will find painting dull ing.
faces a better trade than writing dull   The diplomate laughed, the actress
tragedies. Work for other people's laughed, and said, laughingly: " Tell
vanity, not your own; that is the art mne what he says word for word? "
of art. And now I want Mr. Trip-   " It will only make you laugh."
let's address."                      "Well, and am I never to laugh,
"On the fly-leaf of each work, mad- who provide so many laughs for you
am,"  replied  that florid  author, all?"
" and also at the foot of every pae   "C'est juste. You shall share the
which contains a particularly brilliant general merriment. Imagine a ropassage, I have been careful to insert maltic soul, who adores you for your
the address of James Triplet, painter, simplicity! "
actor, and dramatist, and Mrs. Wof-   "My simplicity! Am  I so very
fington's humble, devoted servant." simple?
He  bowed  ridiculously  low, and    "No," said Sir Charles, monstrous
moved towards the door; but some- dryly.  "He says you are out of
thing gushed across his heart, and he place on the stage, and wants to take
returned with long strides to her. the star from its firmament, and put
"Madam! " cried he, with a jaunty it in a cottage."
manner, "you have inspired a son   "I am  not a star," replied the
of Thespis with dreams of eloquence, Woffington, "I am  only a meteor.
you have tuned in a higher key a And what does the man think I am
poet's lyre, you have tinged a paint- to do without this (here she imitated
er's existence with brighter colors, applause) from  my dear public's
and - and -" His mouth worked thousand hands? "
still, but no more artificial words would   "You are to have this " (he mimcome. He sobbed out, "and God in icked a kiss) " from a single mouth,
heaven bless you, Mrs. Woffington!" instead."
and ran out of the room.             " lie is mad! Tell me what more
Mrs. Woffington looked after him  he says. 0, don't stop to invent; I
with interest, for this confirmed her should detect you; and you would
suspicions; but suddenly her expres- only spoil this man."
sion changed, she wore a look we   He laughed conceitedly. "I should
have not yet seen upon her, - it was spoil him! Well, then, he proposes
a half-cunning, half-spiteful look; it to be your friend rather than your
was suppressed in a moment, she gave lover, and keep you from being talked
herself to her book, and presently Sir of, he! he! instead of adding to your
Charles Pomander sauntered into the S:lcat."
room.                                "And if he is your friend, why
" Ah! what, Mrs. W~offington here? " don't you tell him my real character,
said the diplomate.                and send him into the country? "
"Sir Charles Pomander, I declare! "   She said this rapidly and with an
said the actress.                  appearance of earnest.  The diplo" I have just parted with an ad- matist fell into the trap.
mirer of yours."                     " I do," said he; " hbut he snaps his
"I wish I could part with them  fingers at me and common sense and
all," was the reply.               the world. I really think there is
"A pastoral youth, who means to only one way to get rid of him, and
win La Woffington by agricultural with him of every annoyance."
courtship, - As shepherds  woo in   "Ah! that would be nice."
sylvan shades."                      " Delicious!  I had the honor,
madam, of laying certain proposals
"' With oaten pipe the rustic maids,"    at your feet."




44                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
"Oh! yes,  your  letter, Sir   "Insults, madam! They are the
Charles. I have only just had time highest compliments you have left it
to run my eye down it.. Let us ex- in our power to pay you."
amine it together."                  The other took the button off her
She took out the letter with a won- foil.
derful appearance of interest, and the   "Indeed!" cried she, with welldiplomatc allowed himself to fall into feigned surprise.  "Oh! I underthe absurd position to which she in- stand.  To be your mistress could
vited him. They put their two heads be but a temporary disgrace; to be
together over the letter.          your wife would be a lasting dis"' A  coach, a country-house, pin- credit," she continued. "And now,
money,' - and I'm so tired of houses sir, having played your rival's game,
and coaches and pins.  Oh! yes, and showed me your whole hand" (a
here's something; what is this you light broke in upon our diplomate),
offer me, up in this corner?"     "do something to recover the repuSir Charles inspected the place tation of a man of the world. A
carefully, and announced that it was gentleman is somewhere about in
"his heart."                       whom  you have interested me by
"And he can't even write it! " your lame satire; pray tell him
said she. " That word is'earth.' I am  in the green-room, with no
Ah! well, you know best. There is better companion  than  this  bad
your letter, Sir Charles."         poet."
She courtesied, returned him the   Sir Charles clenched his teeth.
letter, and resumed her study of Lo-   "I accept the delicate commisthario.                            sion," replied he, "that you may
"Favor me with  your answer, see how easilv the man of the world
madam," said her suitor.           drops what tlhe rustic is eager to pick
"C You have it," was the reply.  up."'
" Madam, I don't understand your   "That is better," said the actress,
answer," said Sir Charles, stiffly.    with a provoking appearance of good" I can't find you answers and un- humor.  "You  have  a woman's
derstandings too," was the lady-like tongue, if not her wit; but, my good
reply. " You must beat my answer soul," added she, with cool hanteur,
into your understanding whilst I beat "remember you have something to
this man's verse into mine.        do of more importance than anything'And like the birds, &c.' 1  you can say."
"I accept your courteous dismisPomnander recovered himself a lit- sal, madam," said Pomander, grindtle; he laughed with quiet insolence. ing his teeth. "I will send a car"Tell me," said he, "do you really penter for your swain: and I leave
refuse?"                           you."
" My good soul," said Mrs. Wof-   He bowed to the ground.
fington, "why this surprise!  Are   "Thanks for the double favor,
you so ignorant of the stage and the good Sir Charles."
world as not to know that I refuse   She courtesied to the floor.
such offers as yours every week of my   Feminine  vengeance!  He  had
life? "                           come between her and her love. All
" I know better," was the cool re- very clever, Mrs. Actress; but was it
ply. She left it unnoticed.        wise?
"I have so many of these," con-   "I am  revenged," thought Mrs.
tinued she, "that I have begun to Woffington, with a little feminine
forget they are insults."          smirk.
At this word the button broke off   " I will be revenged," vowed PoSir Charles's foil.                mander, clenching his teeth.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           45
CHAPTER VII.                Whilst he lived, he would.
In turn, he begged her to be generCOMPARE a November day with a ous, and tell him the way for him,
Mlay day. They are not more unlike Ernest Vane, inferior in wit and adthan a beautiful woman in company dress to many of her admirers, to win
with a. man she is indifferent to or her heart from them all.
averse, and the same woman with the   This singular woman's answer is,
man of her heart by her side.      I think, worth attention.
At sight of Mr. Vane, all her cold-   "Never act in my presence; never
ness and nolchalance gave way to a try to be eloquent, or clever; never
gentle complacency; and when she force a sentiment, or turn a phrase.
spoke to him, her voice, so clear and Remember, I am the goddess of tricks.
cutting in the late assaut d'armes, sank Do not descend to competition with
of its own accord into the most tender, me and the Pomanders of the world.
delicious tone imaginable.         At all littlenesses, you will ever be
Mr. Vane and she made love. He awkward in my eyes. And I am a
pleased her, and she desired to please woman. I must have a superior to
him. My reader knows her wit, her love, —lie open to my eye. Light
finesse, her fluency; but he cannot itself is not more beautiful than the
conceive how godlike was her way upright man, whose bosom is open to
of making love. I can put a few of the day. 0 yes! fear not you will
the corpses of her words upon paper, be my superior, dear; for in me honbut where are the heavenly tones,-  esty has to struggle against the habits
now calm and convincing, now soft of my art and life. Be simple and
and melancholy, now thrilling with sincere, and I shall love you, and
tenderness, now  glowing with the bless the hour you shone upon my
fiery eloquence of passion? She told cold, artificial life.  Ah, Ernest!"
him  that she knew the map of his said she, fixing on his eyes her own,
face; that for some days past hle had the fire of which melted into tenderbeen subject to an influence adverse ness as she spoke, "be my friend.
to her. She begged him, calmly, for Come between me and the temptations
his own sake, to distrust false fiiends, of an unprotected life, - the recklessand judge her by his own heart, eyes, ness of a vacant heart."
and judgment. He promised her he   He threw himself at her feet. He
would.                             called her an angel. He told her
" And I do trust you, in spite of he was unworthy of her, but that he
them all," said he; " for your face is would try and deserve her. Then he
the shrine of sincerity and candor. I hesitated, and trembling he said: -
alone know you."                     "I will be frank and loyal. Had I
Then she prayed him  to observe not better tell you everything?  You
the heartlessness of his sex, and to will not hate me for a confession I
say whether she had done ill to hide make myself  "
the riches of her heart from the cold   " I shall like you better, -oh! so
and shallow, and to keep them all for much better!"
one honest man, "who will be my   " Then I will own to you -
friend, I hope," said she, "as well as   " O, do not tell me you have ever
my lover."                         loved before me! I could not bear to
" Ah! " said Vane, "that is my hear it!" cried this inconsistent perambition."                         sonage.
"We actresses," said she, "make   The other weak creature needed no
good the old proverb,'Many lovers, more.
but few friends.' And O,'t is we   "I see plainly I never loved but
who need a friend.  Will you be you," said he.
mine."                               "Let me hear that only!" cried




46                       PEG WOFFIINGTON.
she; "I am jealous even of the past.   To his surprise, Mr. Vane turned
Say you never loved but me: never instantly round upon him, and, lookmind whether it is true. My child, ing him haughtily in the face, said:
you do not even yet know love. Er- " Sir Charles Pomander, the settled
nest, shall I make you love, - as malignity with which you pursue that
none of your sex ever loved, - with lady is unmanly and offensive to me,
heart, and brain, and breath, and life, who love hsr. Let our acquaintance
and soul? "                        cease here, if you please, or let her be
With these rapturous words, she sacred from your venomous tongue."
poured the soul of love into his eyes;   Sir Charles bowed stiffly, and rehe forgot everything in the world but plied, that it was only due to himself
her; he dissolved in present happiness to withdraw a protection so little apand vowed himself hers forever: and plreciated.
she, for her part, bade him but retain    The two friends were in the very
her esteem and no woman ever went act of separating forever, when who
further in love than she would.  She should run in but Pompey, the renewas a true epicure: she had learned gade. He darted up to Sir Charles,
that passion, vulgar in itself, is god- and said: "Massa Pomannah she in
like when based upon esteem.         a coach, going to 10, Hercules BuildThis tender scene was interrupted ings. I'm in a hurry, Massa Pomanby the call-boy, who brought Mrs. nah."
Woffington a note from the manager,   " Where? " cried Pomander. " Say
informing her there would be no re- that again.
hearsal. This left her at liberty, and    "10, Hercules Buildings, Lambeth.
she proceeded to take a somewhat Me in a hurry, Massa Pomannah."
abrupt leave of Mr. Vane. He was   " Faithful child, there's a guinea
endeavoring to persuade her to let for thee. Fly! "
him be her companion until dinner-   The slave flew, and, taking a short
time (she was to be his guest), when cut, caught and fastened on to the
Pomander entered the room.          slow vehicle in the Strand.
Mrs. Woffington, however, was not   "It is a house of rendezvous," said
to be persuaded; she excused herself Sir Charles, half to himself, half to
on the score of a duty which she said Mr. Vane. He repeated in triumph:
she had to perform, and whispering "It is a house of renezvous."  He
as she passed Pomander, "IKeep your then, recovering his sa ngfroid, and
own counsel," she went out rather treating it all as a matter of course,
precipitately.                      explained that at 10, Hercules BuildVane looked slightly disappointed.  ings, was a fashionable shop, with enSir, Charles, who had returned to trances from two streets; that the best
see whether (as he fully expected) Indian scarfs and shawls were sold
she had told Vane everything, - and there, arndl that ladies kept their carwho, at that moment, perhaps, would riages waiting an immense time in
not have been sorry had Mrs. Woffing- the principal street, whilst they were
ton's lover called him to serious ac- supposed to be in the shop, or the
count, — finding it was not her in- show-room.  He then went on to
tention to make mischief, and not say that he had only this morning
choosing to publish his own defeat, heard that the intimacy between Mrs.
dropped quietly into his old line, and Woffington and a Colonel Murthdetermined to keep the lovers in sight, waite, although publicly broken off for
and play for revenge. He smiled and prudential reasons, was still clandessaid: "My good sir, nobody can hope tinely carried on. She had, doubtless,
to monopolize Mrs. Woffington: she slipped away to meet the Colonel.
has others to do justice to besides   Mr. Vane turned pale.
you."                                  "No! I will not suspect. I will




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           47
not dog her like a bloodhound," cried " My ang- my sorrow that such an
he.                                 angel should be a monster of deceit."
"I will! " said Pomander.        He could say no more.
"You! By what right 2"             They walked to the shop.
"The right of curiosity.  I will   "How  she peeped, this way and
know whether it is you who are im- that," said Pomander, "sly  little
posed on; or whether you are right, Woffy!
and all the world is deceived in this   "No! on second thoughts," said
woman."                            he, "it is the other street we must
He ran out; but, for all his speed, reconnoitre; and, if we don't see her
when he got into the street there was there, we will enter the shop, and by
the jealous lover at his elbow. They dint of this purse we shall soon untie
darted with all speed into the Strand; the knot of the Woffington riddle."
got a coach. Sir Charles, on the box,   Vane leaned heavily on his torgave Jehu a guinea, and took the mentor.
reins, - and by a Niaogara of whip-   "I am faint," saidhe.
cord they attained Lambeth; and at   "Lean on me, my dear friend,"
length, to his delight, Pomander saw  said Sir Charles. "Your weakness
another coach before him with a gold- will leave you in the next street."
laced black slave behind it.   The   In the next street they discovered
coach stopped; and the slave came to — nothing. In the shop, they found
the door. The shop in question was -no Mrs. Woffington.  They rea few hundred yards distant. The turned to the principal street. Vane
adroit Sir Charles not only stopped began to hope there was no positive
but turned his coach, and let the evidence. Suddenly three stories up
horses crawl back towards London   a fiddle was heard. Pomander took
he also flgged the side panels to no notice, but Vane tulrned red; this
draw  the attention of Mr. Vane. put Sir Charles upon the scent.
That gentleman looked through the   "Stay!" said he. "Is not that
little circular window at the back of an Irish tune?"
the vehicle, and saw a lady paying the   Vane groaned.   He covered his
coachman. There was no mistaking face with  his hands, and  hissed
her figure. This lady, then, followed out: -
at a distance by her slave, walked on   " It is her favorite tune."
towards Hercules Buildings; and it   "Aha!" said Pomander.  "Folwas his miserable fate to see her look low me!"
uneasily round, and at last glide in at   They crept up the stairs, Pomander
a side door, close to the silk-mercer's in advance; they heard the signs of
shop.                              an Irish orgie, - a rattling jig played
The carriage stopped. Sir Charles and danced with the inspiriting in-.
came himself to the door.          terjections of that frolicsome nation.
" Now, Vane," said he; "before I These sounds ceased after a while, and
consent to go any further in this busi- Pomander laid his hand on his fiiend's
ness, you must promise me to be cool shoulder.
and reasonable. I abhor absurdity;   "I prepare you," said he, "for
and there must be no swords drawn what you are sure to see. This wofor this little hypocrite."        man was an Irish bricklayer's daugh"I submit to no dictation," said ter, and'what is bred in the bone
Vane, white as a sheet.            never comes out of the flesh'; you
"' You have benefited so far by my will find her sitting on some Irishknowledge," said the other, politely; man's knee, whose limbs are ever so
"let me, who am self-possessed, claim  much stouter than yours.  You are
some influence with you."          the man of her head, and this is the
"Forgive me!" ~said poor Vane. man of her heart.   These things




48                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
would be monstrous, if they were not wings. Arrived there, he anticipated
common; incredible, if we did not curiosity by informing all hands he
see them every day. But this poor should answer no questions. Only
fellow, whom probably she deceives in the intervals of a work, which was
as well as you, is not to be sacrificed to take the faimily out of all its troulike a dog to your unjust wrath; he bles, he should gradually unfbld a
is as superior to her as you are to tale, verging on the marvellous,- a
him."                              tale whose only fault was, that fiction,
" I will commit no violence," said by which alone the family could hope
Vane.  "I still hope she is inno- to be great, paled beside it. He then
cent."                             seized some sheets of paper, fished out
Pomander smiled, and  said he some old dramatic sketches, and a
hoped so too.                      list of dramntis personae, prepared years
" And if she is what you think, I- ago, and plunged into a comedy. As
will but show her she is known, and, he wrote, true to his promise, he
blaming myself as much as her, - O  painted, Triplet-wise, that story which
yes! more than her! — I will go we have coldly related, and made it
down this night to Shropshire, and appear, to all but Mrs. Triplet, that
never speak word to her again in this he was under the tutela, or express
world or the next."                protection of Mrs.- Woffington, who
" Good," said Sir Charles.       would push his fortunes until the
"'Le bruit est pour le fat, la plainte est pour only difficulty would be to keep arrole sot,                       gance out of the family heart.
L'honnte homme tromp6 s'6loigne et ne   Mrs. Triplet groaned aloud. "You
dit mot.'                     have brought the picture home, I
Are you ready?"                   see," said she.
"Yes."                             "Of course I have. She is going
" Then follow me."              to give me a sitting."
Turning  the handle gently, he   "At what hour, of what day?"
opened the door like lightning, and said Mrs. Triplet, with a world of
was in the room. Vane's head peered meaning.
over his shoulder. She was actually    " She did not say," replied Triplet,
there!                              avoiding his wife's eye.
For once in her life, the cautious,   "I know  she did not," was the
artful woman was taken by surprise. answer.  "I would rather you had
She gave a little scream, and turned brought me the ten shillings than
as red as fire. But Sir Charles sur- this fine story," said she.
prised somebody else even more than    "Wife! " said Triplet, " don't put
he did poor Mrs. Woffington.       me into a frame of mind in which
It would be impertinent to tanta- successful comedies are not written."
lize my reader, but I flatter myself He scribbled away; but his wife's dethis history is not written with power spondency told upon the man of disenough to do that, and I may venture appointments. Then he stuck fast;
to leave him  to guess whom  Sir then he became fidgety.
Charles Pomander surprised more   "Do keep those children quiet!"
than he did the actress, while I go said the father.
back for the lagging sheep.          " Hush, my dears," said the mother; "let your father write. Comedy. —$ —-           seems to give you more trouble than
tragedy, James," added she, soothCHAPTER  VIII.             ingly.
"Yes," was his answer. " Sorrow
JAMES TRIPLET, water in his eye, comes somehow more natural to me;
but fire in his heart, went home on but for all  that I have got a bright




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           49
thought, Mrs. Triplet. Listen, all of a moment; then in a very different
you. You see, Jane, they are all at voice, all sadness and tenderness, he
a sumptuous banquet, all the drama- said: " Where's the youngest, —
tis perso0nce, except the poet."   where's Lucy? As if I did n't know
Triplet went on writing, and read- you are hungry."
ing his work out: "Music, sparkling   Lucy came to him  directly. Hie
wine, massive plate, rose-water in the took her on his knee, pressed  her
hand-glasses, soup, fish, - shall I gently to his side, and wrote silently.
have three sorts of fish? I will; they The others were still.
are cheap in this market. Ah i! For-   "Father," said Lucy, aged five, the
tune, you wretch, here at least I am  germ of a woman, "I am  not tho
your master, and I'll make you know  very hungry."
it, - venison," wrote Triplet, with a."And I am not hungry at all,"
malicious grin, "game, pickles, and said bluff Lysimachus, taking his sisprovocatives in the centre of the ta- ter's cue; then going upon his own
ble; then up jumps one of the guests, tact he added, " I had a great piece of
and says he - "                    bread and butter yesterday! "
" 0 dear, I am so hungry."         " Wife, they will drive me mad!"
This was not from the comedy, but and he dashed at the paper.
from one of the boys.                The second boy explained to his
"And so am I," cried a girl.     mother, sotto voce: "Mother, he made
"That is an absurd remark, Ly- us hungry out of his book."
simachus," said Triplet, with a suspi-   "It is a beautiful book," said Lucy.
cious calmness.                    "Is it a cookery book?"
" How can a boy be hungry three   Triplet roared: "Do  you hear
hours after breakfast? "          that? " inquired he, all trace of ill"But, father, there was no break- humor gone. " Wife," he resumed,
fast for breakfast."               after a gallant scribble, "I took that
"'Now I ask you, Mrs. Triplet.," ap- sermon I wrote."
pealed the author, "how I am to write   "And  beautiful it was, James.
comic scenes if you let Lysimachus I'm sure it quite cheered me up with
and Roxalana here put the heavy thinking that we shall all be dead bebusiness in every five minutes? "  fore so very long."
"Forgive them; the poor things   "Well, the reverend gentleman
are hunlgry."                      would not have it. He said it was too
" Then let them be hungry in an- hard upon sin.'You run   at the
other room," said the irritated scribe. Devil like a mad bull,' said he.'Sell' They sha' n't cling round my pen, it in Lambeth, sir; here calmness and
and paralyze it, just when it is going decency are before everything,' says
to make all our fortunes; bhut you he.'My congregation expect to go
women," snapped Triplet the Just, to heaven down hill. Perhaps the
"hllave no consideration for people's chaplain of Newgate might give you
feelings.  Send them  all to bed; a crown for it,' said he," and Triplet
every man Jack of them!"          dashed viciously at the paper. "Ah! "
Finding  the conversation taking sighed he, "if my friend Mrs. Woffingthis turn, the brats raised an unani- ton would but drop these stupid comemous howl.                         dies and take to tragedy, this house
Triplet darted a fierce glance at would soon be all smiles."
them. "Hungry, hungry,". cried he;   " 0 James! " replied Mrs. Triplet,
"is that a proper expression to use almost peevishly," how can you expect
before a father who is sitting down anything but fine words from  that
here, all gayety" (scratching wildly woman? You won't believe what all
with his pen)" and hilarity" (scratch) the world says. You will trust to
"to write a corn —com-'- he choked your own good heart."
3                                    D




50                       PEG WOFFINGTON.
"I hlaven't a good heart," said the   "Have we given  honesty a fair
poor, honest fellow. "I spoke like a trial, -yes or no? "
brute to you just now."              " No! " said the woman, without a
" Never mind, James," said the wo- moment's hesitation; "not till we die,
man: "I wonder how you put up as we have lived. Heaven is higher
with me at all, — a sick, useless crea- than the sky; children," said she,
ture. I often wish to die, for your lest perchance her husband's words
sake. I know you would do better. should have harmed theiryoung souls,
I am  such a weight round your "the  sky is above the earth, and
neck."                             heaven is higher than the sky; and
The man made no answer, but he Heaven is just."
put Lucy gently down, and went to   " I suppose it is so," said the man,
the woman, and took her forehead to a little cowed by her. "Everybody
his bosom, and held it there; and af- says so. I think so, at bottom, myter a while returned with silent ener- self; but I can't see it. I want to see
gy to his comedy..                 it, but I can't! " cried he, fiercely.
"Play us a tune on the fiddle, fa- "Have my children offended Heaven?
ther."                             They will starve, - they will die! If
" Ay, do, husband.  That helps I was Heaven, I'd be. just, and send
you often in your writing."        an angel to take these children's
Lysimachus brought him the fiddle, part. They cried to me for bread,
and Triplet essayed a merry tune; I had no bread; so I gave them
but it came out so doleful, that he hard words. The moment I had clone
shook his head, and laid the instru- that, I knew it was all over. God
ment down. Music must be in the knows it took a long while to break
heart, or it will come out of the fin- my heart; but it is broken at last;
gers - notes, not music.           quite, quite broken! broken! bro"No," said he; "let us be serious ken! "
and finish this comedy slap off. Per-   And the poor thing laid his head
haps it hitches because I forgot to upon the table, and sobbed, beyond
invoke the comic muse. She must all power of restraint. The children
be a black-hearted jade, if she does n't cried round him, scarce knowing
come with merry notions to a poor why; and Mrs. Triplet could only
devil, starving in the midst of his say, "My  poor husband!"  and
hungry little ones."               prayed and wept upon the couch
"We are past help from heathen where she lay.
goddesses," said the woman. "We M    It was at this juncture that a lady,
must pray to Heaven to look down who had knocked gently and  unupon us and our children."         heard, opened the door, and with a
The man looked up with a very light step  entered the apartment;
bad expression on his countenance.   but no sooner hiad she caught sight of
"You forget," said he, sullenly, Triplet's anguish, than saying has" our street is very narrow, and the tily, " Stay, I forgot somethling-," she
opposite houses are very high."    made as hasty an exit.
"James! "                         This gave Triplet a moment to re" How can Heaven be expected to cover himself; aind Mrs. Woffington,
see what honest folk endure in so whose lynx eye had comprehended
dark a hole as this? " cried the man, all at a glanmce, and who had defiercely.                          termined at once what line to takle,
"James," said the woman, with came flying in again, saying:fear and sorrow, "what words are   " Was n't somebody imiquiring for
these X"                           an angel   Here I am. See, Mr.
The man rose, and flung his pen Triplet"; and she showed him a note,
upon the floor.                    which said: "Madam, you are an




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           51
angel. From a perfect stranger,' ex-   "Do  you think I'11 trust their
plained she; " so it must be true."   lives with you? No! Give me a
"Mrs. Woffington," said Mr. Trip- pen; this is the way we run people
let to his wife.                   through the body."  Then she wrote
Mrs. Woffington planted herself in (" business."   Araminta looks out
the middle of the floor, and with a of the garret window. Combatants
comical glance, setting  her arms drop their swords, put their hands to
akimbo, uttered a shrill whistle.  their hearts, and stagger off 0. P. and
"Now you will see another angel, P. S.)  "Now, children, who helps
- there are two sorts of them."    me to lay the cloth  "
Pompey came in with a. basket;   "I!"
she took it fiom him.                "And I!"  (The children run to
"Lucifer, avaunt! " cried she, in a the cupboard.)
terrible tone, that drove him to the   Mrs. Triplet (half rising). " Madwall; " and wait outside the door," am, I -  can't think  of allowing
added she, conversationally.       you."
"I heard you were ill, ma'am, and   Mrs. Woffington replied: "Sit
I have brought you some physic, -  down, madam, or I must use brute
black draughts from  Burgundy",; force. If you are ill, be ill - till I
and she smiled. And, recovered from  make you well. Twelve plates, quick!
their first surprise, young and old Twenty-four knives, quicker! Fortybegan to thaw beneath that witching, eight forks quickest! "  She met the
irresistible smile. "Mrs. Triplet, I children with the cloth and laid it;
have come to give your husband a then she met them  again and laid
sitting; will you allow me to eat my knives and forks, all at full gallop,
little luncheon with you? I am so which mightily excited the bairns.
hungry."   Then she clapped her Pompey came in with the pie, Mrs.
hands, and in ran Pompey. She sent Woffington took it and set it before
him  for a pie she professed to have Triplet.
fallen in love with at the corner of the   3brs. Wl;offgton. "Your coat, Mr.
street.                            Triplet, if you please."
" Mother," said Alcibiades, " will  Olr. Triplet. "My coat, madam!"
the lady give me a bit of her pie? "  Ml3rs. WVoffnqtoui. I" Yes, off with it,
" Hush! you rude boy! " cried the - there's a hole in it, - and carve."
mother.                            Then she whipped to the other end
" She is not much of a ladv if she of the table and stitched like wilddoes not," cried Mrs. Woftington. fire. "Be pleased to cast your eyes
"Now, children, first let us look at on that, Mrs. Triplet. Pass it to the
-ahem- a comedy. Nineteen dra- lady, young gentleman. Fire away,
zcatis persozce!  What do you say, Mr. Triplet, never mind us women.
children, shall we cut out seven, or Woffington's housewife, ma'am, fearnine  that is the question.   You ful to the eye, only it holds everything
can't bring your armies into our in the world, and there is a small
drawing - rooms, Mr. Dagger - and- space for everything else, - to be rebowl. Are you the Marlboroiugh of turned by the bearer. Thank you,
comedy? Can you marshal battal- sir."  (Stitches away like lightning
ions on a turkey carpet, and make at the coat.)  "Eat away, children!
gentlefolks witty in platoons? What now is your time; when once I beis this in the first act? A duel, and gin, the pie will soon end; I do everyboth wounded! You butcher!"      thing so quick."
"They are not to die, ma'am!"   Roxalana. " The lady sews quicker
cried Triplet, deprecatingly; "upon than you, mother."
my honor," said he, solemnly, spread-   1Voffliqto2. " Bless the child, don't
ing his hands on his bosom.        come so near my sword-arm; the




52                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
needle will go into your eye, and out   TTofofington (ironically). -" O, of
at the back of your head."        course not."
This nonsense made the children  Lzlcy (confidentially). —" Comedy
giggle.                           is crying. Father cried all the time
"The needle will be lost, - the he was writing his one."
child no more, - enter undertaker, -    Triplet turned red as fire.
house turned topsy-turvy,- father   "Holcld your tongue," said he: "I
shows Woffington to the door,- off was bursting with merriment. Wife,
she goes with a face as long and dis- our children talk too much; they put
mal as some people's comedies,- no their noses into everything, and critinames, - crying fine cha-ney oran- cise their own father."
ges."                                "Unnatural offspring! " laughed
The children, all but Lucy, screeched the visitor.
with laughter.                       "And when they take up a notion,
Lucy said gravely:-              Socrates could n't convince them to
"Mother, the lady is very fun- the contrary. IFor instance, madam,
ny."                               all this morning they thought fit to
"You will be as funny when you assume that they wvere starving.
are as well paid for it."            " So. we were," said Lysimachus,
This just hit poor Trip's notion of "until the angel caume; and the devil
humor, and he began to choke, with went for the pie."
his mouth full of pie.               "There - there - there  Now,
" James, take care," said Mrs. you mark my words; we shall never
Triplet, sad and solemn.          get that idea out of their heads  "
James looked up.                   "Until," said Mrs. Woffington,
" My wife is a good woman, lumping a huge cut of pie into Roxamadam," said he; "but deficient in lana's plate, " we put a very different
an important particular."         idea into their stomachs."  This and
"0 James! "                    the look she cast on Mrs. Triplet
"Yes, my dear. I regret to say fairly caught that good, though somyou have no sense of humor; num- bre personage.  She giggled; put her
more than a cat, Jane."            hand to her face, and said: "I'm
"What! because the poor thing sure I ask your pardon, ma'am"
can't laugh at your comedy  "        It was no use; the comedian had
"No, ma'am; but she laughs at determined they should all laugh,
nothing."                          and they were made to laugh. Then
" Try her with one of your trage- she rose, and showed them how to
dies, my lad."                     drink healths i Ila Francaise; and keen
"I am sure, James," said the poor, were her little admirers to touch her
good, lackadaisical woman, "if I glass with theirs. And  the pure
don't laugh, it is not for want of the wine she had brought did Mrs. Tripwill. I used to be a very hearty let much good, too; though not so
laugher," whined she; " hut I have n't much as the music and sunshine of
laughed this two years."           her face and voice. Then, when
" 0, indeedi " said the Woffington. their stomachs were full of good food,
"Then the next two years you shall and the soul of the grape tingled in
do nothing else."                 their veins, and their souls glowed
"Ah, madam!"  said  Triplet. under her great magnetic power, she
"That passes the art, even of the suddenly seized the fiddle, and showed
great comedian."                  them another of her enchantments.
"Does it l" said the actress, coolly. She put it on her knee, and played a
Lucy. —" She is not a comedy tune that would have made gout,
lady. You don't ever cry, pretty cholic, and phthisic dance upon their
lady'                           last legs. She played to the eye as




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                           53
well as to the ear, with such a smart ten minutes ago, were weeping togesture of the bow, and such a radi- gether?  Yes! ten minutes ago they
ance of face as she looked at them, were rayless, joyless, hopeless. Now
that whether the music came out of the sun was in their hearts, and sorher wooden shell, or her horse-hair row and sighing were fled, as fogs
wand, or her bright self, seemed doubt- disperse before the god of day.  It
ful. They pranced on their chairs; was magical; could a mortal play
they could not keep still.   She upon the soul of man, woman, and
jumped up; so did they. She gave a child like this?  Happy Woffington!
wild Irish horroo.  She put the fiddle and suppose this was more than half
in Triplet's hand.                  acting, but such acting as Triplet
" The wind that shakes the barley, never dreamed of; and to tell the
ye divil! " cried she.             honest, simple truth, I myself should
Triplet went lhors de lui; he played not have suspected it; but children
like Paganini, or an intoxicated de- are sharper than one would think,
mon. Woffington covered the buckle and Alcibiades Triplet told, in after
in gallant style; she danced, the chil- years, that, when they were all dandren danced.  Triplet fiddled  and cing except the lady, he caught sight
danced, and flung his limbs in wild of her face, - and it was quite, quite
dislocation; the wineglasses danced; grave, and even sad; but, as often as
and last, Mrs. Triplet was observed  she saw him look at her, she smiled
to be bobbing about on her sofa, in a at him so gayly, - he could n't bemonstrous absurd way, droning out lieve it was the same face.
the tune, and playing her hands with   If it was art, glory be to such art
mild enjoyment, all to herself.  Wof- so worthily applied! and honor to
fington pointed out this pantomim- such creatures as this, that come like
ic soliloquy to the two boys, with a sunshine into poor men's houses, and
glance frill of fiery meaning.  This tune drooping hearts to daylight and
was enough: with a fiendish yell, they hope!
fell upon her, and tore her, shriek-   The wonder of these worthy people
ing, off the sofa. And lo! when she soon  changed  to gratitude.  Mrs.
was once launched, she danced up to Woffington stopped their mouths at
her husband, and set to him with a once.
meek deliberation that was as fun-   "No, no!" cried she; "if you realny as any part of the scene. So then ly love me, no scenes: I hate them.
th6 mover of all this slipped on one Tell these brats to kiss me, and let
side, and let the stone of merriment me go. I must sit for my picture
roll, —and roll it did; there was after dinner; it is a long way to
no swimming, sprawling, or irrel- Bloomsbury Square."
evant frisking; their feet struck the    The children needed no bidding;
ground for every note of the fiddle, they clustered round her, and poured
pat as its echo, their faces shone, out their innocent hearts as children
their hearts leaped, and their poor only do.
frozen natures came out, and warmed    "I shall pray for you after father
themselves at the glowing melody; a and mother," said one.
great sunbeam  had come into their   "I shall pray for you after daily
abode, and these human motes danced bread," said Lucy, " because we were
in it. The elder ones recovered their tho hungry till you came!"
gravity first, they sat down breath-   "My poor children!" cried Wofless, and put their hands to their fington, and hard to grown-up actors,
hearts; they looked at one another, as she called us, but sensitive to chiland then at the goddess who had re- dren, she fairly melted as she emvived them.  Their first feeling was braced them.
wonder; were they the same, who,   It was at this precise juncture that




54                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
the door was unceremoniously opened,   "Let me have a copy of verses
and the two gentlemen burst upon from your pen.  I shall have five
the scene!                       p- ounds at your disposal for them."
My reader now guesses whom Sir   " The world has found me out!"
Charles Pomander surprised more thought Triplet, blinded by his vanithan he did Mrs. Woflington.  He ty. " The subject, sir?"
could not for the life of him compre- "No matter," said Vane,i-" no
hend what she was doing, and what matter."
was her ulterior object. The nil admi-   " O, of course, it does not matter
rari of the fine gentleman deserted to me," said  Triplet, with  some
him, and he gazed open-mouthed, like heAntea', and assuming poetic omnipothe veriest chaw-bacon.           tence. " Only, when one knows the
The actress, unable to extricate subject, one call sometimes make the
herself in a moment from the children, verses apply better."
stood there like Charity, in New Col-   " Write then, since you are so conlege Chapel, whilst the mother kissed fident, upon Mrs. Woffington."
her hand, and the father quietly   "Ah! that is a subject! They
dropped tears, like some leaden water shall be ready in an hour!" cried
god in the middle of a fountain.   Trip, in whose imagination Parnassus
Vane turned hot and cold by turns, was a raised counter. He had in a
with joy and shame.  Pomander's teacup some lines on Venus and Mars,
genius came to the aid of their embar- which he could not but feel would fit
rassment.                          Thalia and Crcesus, or Genius and
"Follow my lead," whispered he. Envy, equally well. "In one hour,
"What! Mrs. Woffington here!" sir," said Triplet, " the article shall
cried he; then he advanced business-  be executed, and delivered at your
like to Triplet. "We are aware, sir, house."
of your various talents, and are come   Mrs. Woffington called Vane to
to make a demand on them. I, sir, her, with an engaging smile.  A
am the unfortunate possessor of fres- month ago he would have hoped she
cos; time has impaired their indcli- would not have penetrated him and
cacy, no man can restore it as you Sir Charles; but he knew her better
can."                              now. He came trembling.
"Augh! sir! sir!" said the grati-   " Look me in the face, Mr. Vane,"
fled goose.                        said she, gently, but firmly.
"My Cupid's bows are walking-   "I cannot!" said  he.  "How
sticks, and my Venus's noses are can I ever look you in the face
snubbed. You must set all that again?"
straight, on your own terms, Mr.   "Ah! you disarm  me!  But I
Triplet."                         must strike you, or this will never
"In a single morning all shall end.  Did  I not promise  that,
bloom again, sir! Whom would you when you had earned my esteem, I
wish them to resemble in feature? I would tell you, - what no mortal
have lately been praised for my skill knows, - Ernest, my whole story?
in portraiture." (Glancing at Mrs. I delay the confession: it will cost
Woffington.)                       me so many blushes, so many tears!
"Oh!" said Pomander, carelessly, And yet I hope, if you knew all, you
"you need not go far for Venuses would pity and forgive me. Meanand Cupids, I suppose? "           time, did I ever tell you a false"I see, sir: my wife and children. hood  "
Thank you, sir; thank you."         " 0 no!"
Pomander stared; Mrs. Woffing-   " Why doubt me then, when I tell
ton laughed.                      you that I hold all your sex cheap
Now it was Vane's turn.         but you? Why suspect me of IIeav



PEG WOFFINGTON.                          55
en knows what, at the dictation of a   "His name?  Whither goes she
heartless, brainless fop, - on  the in town  "
word of a known  liar, like the   "Her name is Mrs. Vane, Sir
world?"                           Charles. She is going to her husBlack lightning flashed from her band."
glorious eyes, as she administered this   " Curious!" cried Sir Charles. "I
royal rebuke. Vane felt what a poor wish she had no husband.  No! I
creature he was, and his face showed wish she came from Shropshire," and
such burning shame and contrition, he chuckled-at the notion.
that he obtained his pardon without   "If you please, Sir Charles," said
speaking.                          the man, "is not Willoughby in
" There," said she, kindly, " do not Cheshire  "
let us torment one another. I forgive   "No," cried his master; "it is in
you. Let me make you happy, Er- Shropshire.  What! eh! Five guinnest. Is that a great favor to ask? eas for you if that lady comes from
I can make you happier than your Willoughby in Shropshire."
brightest dream of happiness, if you   " That is where she comes from
will let yourself be happy."      then, Sir Charles, and she is going
They  rejoined  the others; but to Bloomsbury Square."
Vane turned his back on Pomander,   "How long have they been marand would not look at him.        ried  "
" Sir Charles," said Mrs. Woffing-   "Not more than twelve months,
ton, gayly; for she scorned to admit Sir Charles."
the fine gentleman to the rank of a   Pomander gave the man ten guinpermanent enemy, " you will be of eas instead of 4ive on the spot.
our party, I trust, at dinner? "  Reader, it was too true! Mr. Vane'Why, no, madam; I fear I can- - the good, the decent, the churchnot give myself that pleasure to-day." goer - Mr. Vane, whom Mrs. WofSir Charles did not choose to swell fington had selected to improve her
the triumph.  "Mr. Vane, good morals -Mr Vane was a married
day! " said he, rather dryly. " Mr. man!
Triplet - madam - your most obe-,
dient!" and, self-possessed at top, but
at bottom crestfallen, he bowed him-        CHAPTER IX.
self away.
Sir Charles, however, on descending   As soon as Pomander had drawn
the stair and gaining the street, caught his breath and realized this discovery,
sight of a horseman, riding nncertain- he- darted up stairs, and, with all the
ly about, and making his horse cur- demure calmness he could assume,
vet, to attract attention.         told Mr. Vane, whom he met descendHe soon recognized one of his own ing, that he was happy to find his enhorses, and upon it the servant he gagements permitted him to join the
had left behind to dog that poor in- party in Bloomsbury Square. He then
nocent country lady. The servant flung himselfiupon his servant's horse.
sprang off his horse and touched his   Like Iago, he saw  the indistinct
hat.  He informed his master that outline of a glorious and a most mahie had kept with the carriage until licious plot; it lay crude in his head
ten o'clock this morning, when he and heart at present; thus much he
had ridden away from it at Barnet, saw clearly, that, if he could time Mrs.
having duly pumped the servants as Vane's arrival so that she should
opportunity offered.              pounce upon the Woffington at her
"Who is she? " cried Sir Charles. husband's table, he might be present
"Wife of a Cheshire squire, Sir at and enjoy the public discomfiture
Charles," was the reply.          of a man and woman who had wound



56                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
ed'his vanity. Bidding  his servant          CHAPTER X.
make the best of his way to Bloomsbury Square, Sir Charles galloped in    MABEL CHESTER Vwas the beanuty
that direction himself; intending first and toast of South Shropshirc.  She
to inquire whether Mrs. Vane was had refused the hand of half the
arrived, and, if not, to ride towards country squires in a circle of some dozIslington and meet her. His plan en miles, till at last Mr. Vane became
was frustrated by an accident; gal- her suitor. Besides a handsome face
loping round a corner, his horse did and person, Mr. Vane had accomnot change his leg cleverly, and, the plishments his rivals did not possess.
pavement being also loose, slipped He read poetry to her on mossy
and fell on his side, throwing his rider banks an hour before sunset, and
upon the trottoir. The horse got up awakened sensibilities which her othand trembled violently, but was un- er suitors shocked, and they them.
hurt..The rider lay motionless, ex-   The lovely Mabel had a taste for
cept that his legs quivered on the beautiful things, without any excess
pavement. They took him up and of that severe quality called judgconveyed him into a druggist's shop, ment.
the master of which practised chirur-   I will explain. If you or I, reader,
gery. He had to be sent for; and, had read to her in the afternoon,
before he could be found, Sir Charles amidst the smell of roses and eglanrecovered his reason, so much so, tine, the chirp of the mavis, the hum
that when the chirurgeon approached of bees, the twinkling of butterflies,
with his fleam to bleed him, according and the tinkle of distant sheep, someto the practice of the day, the patient thing that combined all these sights,
drew his sword, and assured the other and sounds, and smells, - say Milhe would let out every drop of blood ton's musical picture of Eden, P. L.,
in his body if he touched him.     lib. 3, and after that " Triplet on
He of the shorter but more lethal Kew," she would have instantly proweapon hastily retreated. Sir Charles nounced in favor of "Eden"; but if
flung a guinea on the counter, and wee had read her "Milton," and Mr.
mounting his horse rode him off rath- Vane had read her "Triplet," she
er faster than before this accident.    would  have as unhesitatingly preThere was a dead silence!       ferred " Kew " to " Paradise."
"  believe that gentleman to be the    She was a true daughter of Eve;
Devil!" said a thoughtfiil by-stander. the lady, who, when an angel was
The crowd (it was a century ago) as- telling her and her husband the truths
sented aem. con.                   of heaven in heaven's own music,
Sir Charles, arrived in Bloomsbury  slipped away into the kitchen, because
Square, found that the whole party she preferred hearing the story at seeiwas assembled. He therefore ordered  ond-hand, encumbered with digreshis servant to parade before the door, sions, and in mortal but marital
and, if he saw Mrs. Vane's carriage accents.
enter the Square,, to let him know, if   When her mother, who guarded
possible, before she should reach the Mabel like a dragon, told her Mr.
house. On entering he learned that Vane was not rich enough, and she
Mr. Vane and his guests were in the really must not give him so many opgarden (a very fine one), and joined portunities, Mabel cried and embraced
them there.                        the dragon, and said, " 0 mother!"
Mrms. Vane demands another chap- The dragon, finding her ferocity dister, in which I will tell the reader solving, tried to shake her off, but the
who she was, and what excuse her goose would cry and embrace the
husband had for his liaison with Mar- dragon till it melted.
garet Woffington.                    By and by Mr. Vane's uncle died




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                          57
suddenly and left him the great Sto- the proper means of defeating this atken Church estate, and a trunk full tack, Mrs. Vane would gladly have
of Jacobuses and Queen Anne's guin- compounded by giving the man two
eas, - his own hoard and his father's, or three thousand acres, or the whole
- then the dragon spake comfortably estate, if he would n't take less, not to
and said:-                         rob her of her husband for a month;
"My child, he is now the richest but she was docile, as she was amomana  in Shropshire.  He will not Ious; so she cried (out of sight) a
think of you now; so steel your week; and let her darling go, with
heart."                            every misgiving a loving heart could
Then Mabel, contrary to all expec- have; but one! and that one her own
tations, did not cry; but, with flush- heart told her was impossible.
ing cheek, pledged her life upon Er-   The month rolled away, - no symp.
nest's love and honor. And Ernest, tom of a return. For this, Mr. Vane
as soon as the funeral, &c., left him  was not, in fact, to blame; but, tofiee, galloped to Mabel, to talk of our wards the end of the next month,
good fortune. The dragon had done business became a convenient excuse.
him injustice; that was not his weak When three months had passed, Mrs.
point. So they were married! and'Vane became unhappy. She thought
they were very, very happy. But, one he too must feel the separation. She
month after, the dragon died, and that offered to come to him. He answered
was their first grief; but they bore it uncandidly. He urged the length, the
together.                          fatigue of the journey. She was siAnd Vane was not like the other lenced; but some time later she beShropshire squires. His idea of pleas- gan to take a new view of his objecure- was something his wife could tions. "He is so self-denying," said
share. He still rode, walked, and sat she. "Dear Ernest, he longs for me:
with her, and read to her, and com- but he thinks it selfish to let me travyposed songs for her, and about her, el so far alone to see him."
which she played and sang prettily   Full of this idea, she yielded to her
enough, in her quiet, lady-like way, love. She made her preparations, and
and in a voice of honey dropping from  wrote to him, that, if he did not forbid
the comb. Then she kept a keen eye her peremptorily, he must expect to
upon him; and, when she discovered see her at his breakfast-table in a very
what dishes he liked, she superintend- few days.
ed those herself; and, observing that   Mr. Vane concluded this was a jest,
he never failed to eat of a certain lem- and did not answer this letter at all.
on-pudding the dragon had originated,   Mrs. Vane started. She travelled
she always made this pudding herself, with all speed; but, coming to a halt
and she never told her husband she at -, she wrote to her husband
made it.                           that she counted on being with him at
The first seven months of their four of the'clock on Thursday.
marriage was more like blue sky than: This letter preceded her arrival by
brown earth; and if any one had told a few hours. It was put into his
Mabel that her husband was amortal, hand at the same time with a note
and not an  angel, sent to  her, from  Mrs. Woffington, telling hini
that her days and nights might be she should be at a rehearsal at Covent
unmixed, uninterrupted heaven, she Garden. Thinking his wife's letter
could hardly have realized the infor- would keep, he threw it on one side
mation.                            into a sort of a tray; and, after a hurWhen a vexatious litigant began to ried breakfast, went out of his house
contest the will by which Mr. Vane to the theatre. He returned, as we
was Lord of Stoken Church, and Mr. are aware, with Mrs. Woffington; and
Vane went up to London to concert also, at her request, with Mr. Cibber,




'58                     PEG WOFFINGTON.
for whom they called on their way.   "Ay, but we don't read'em!"
He had forgotten his wife's letter, said James, with an uneasy glance at
and was entirely occupied with his the tray.
guests.                              " Invariably, at our leisure; meanSir Charles Pomander joined them, time  we  make  ourselves  happy
and found Mr. Colandcler, the head amongst tlhe wits and the sirens."
domestic of the London establish-   "And she do make others happy
ment, cutting with a pair of scissors among the poor and the ailing."
every flower Mrs. Woffington fan-   "Which shows," said  Colander,
cied, that lady having a passion for superciliously, "the  difference of
flowers.                           tastes."
Colander, during his temporary ab-   Burdock, whose eye had never been
sence from the interior, had appointed off his mistress's handwriting, at last
James Burdock to keep the house, and took it up and said: "Master Colanreceive the two remaining guests, der, do if ye please, sir, take this into
should they arrive.                master's dressing-room, do now?"
This James Burdock was a faithful   Colander looked down on the misold country servant, who had come up sive with dilating eye. " Not a bill,
with Mr. Vane, but left his heart at James Burdock," said he, reproachWilloughby.  James Burdock had fully.
for some time been ruminating, and bA   ill! bless ye, no. A  letter
his conclusion was, that his mistress, from missus."
Miss Mabel (as by force of habit he   No, the dog would not take it in to
called her), was not treated as she de- his master; and poor James, with a
served.                            sigh, replaced it in the tray.
Burdock had been imported into   This James Burdock, then, was
Mr. Vane's family by Mabel; he had left in charge of the hall by Colancarried her in his arms when she was der, and it so happened  that the
a child; he had held her uponl a don- change was hardly effected, before a
key when she was a little girl; and hurried knocking came to the street
when she became a woman, it was he door.
who taught her to stand close to her   "Av, ay! "grumbled Burdock, "I
horse, and give him  her foot and thought it would-not be long. Lonspring while he lifted her steadily but don for knocking and ringing all day
strongly into her saddle, and, when and ringing and knocking all night."
there, it was he who had instructed He opened the door reluctantly and
her that a horse was not a machine, suspiciously, and in darted a lady,
that galloping tires it in time, and whose features were concealed by a
that galloping it on the hard road hood. She glided across the hall, as if
hammers it to pieces. "I taught the she was making for some point, and
girl," thought James within himself.  old James shuffled after her, crying:
This honest silver-haired old fellow  "Stop, stop! young woman. What
seemed so ridiculous to Colander, the is your name, young woman? "
smooth, supercilious Londoner, that   " Why, James Burdock," cried the
he deigned sometimes to converse lady, removing her hood, " have you
with James, in order to quiz him. forgotten your mistress? 
This very morning they had had a   "Mistress! Why, Miss Mabel, I
conversation.                      ask your pardon, madam,- here,
"Poor Miss Mabel! dear heart. A  John, Margery! "
twelvemonth married, and nigh six   " Hush!" cried Mrs. Vane.
months of it a widow, or next door."    " But where  are  your trunks,
" We write to her, James, and en- miss? And where's the coach, and
tertain her replies, which are at con- Darby and Joan? To think of their
siderable length."                drawing you all the way here! I'11




PEG WOFFINGTO N.                         59
have'em  into your room  directly, tress's room, old man? But stay;
ma'am. Miss, you've come just in is he there 3"
time."                               "No ma'am; he is in the garden,
" What a dear, good, stupid, old with a power of fine folks."
thing you are, James.  Where is   " They shall not see me till I have
Ernest, - Mr. Vane? James, is he made myself a little more decent,"
well and happy? I want to surprise said the young beauty, who knew at
him."                              bottom how little comparatively the
"Yes, ma'am," said James, look- color of her dress could affect her aping down.                         pearance, and she opened Mr. Vane's
"I left the old stupid coach at door and glided in.
Islington, James. The something -    Burdock's first determination was,
pin was loose, or I don't know what. in spite of her injunction, to tell CoCould I wait two hours there? So I lander; but on reflection he argued:
came on by myself; you wicked old " And then what will they do? They
man, you let me talk, and don't tell will put their heads together, and deme how he is."                     ceive us some other way.  No!"
"Master is main well, ma'am, and thought James, with a touch of spite,
thank you," said old Burdock, con- " we shall see how they will all look."
fused and uneasy.                  He argued also, that, at sight of his
" But is he happy? Of course he beautiful wife, his master must come
is. Are we not to meet to-day after to his senses, and the Colander facsix months q Ah! but never mind, tion be defeated; and perhaps, by the
they are gone by."                mercy of Providence, Colander him"Lord  bless her! " thought the self turned off.
faithful old fellow. "If sitting down   Whilst thus ruminating, a thunderand crying could help her, I would n't ing knock at the door almost knocked
be long."                         him  off his legs.  "There  ye go
By this time they were in the ban- again," said he, and went angrily to
queting-room, and at the preparations the door. This time it was Hunsdon,
there Mabel gave a start; she then who was in a desperate hurry to see
colored.  "0, he has invited his his master.
friends to make acquaintance. I had   "Where is Sir Charles Pomander,
rather we had been alone all this day my honest fellow  " said he.
and to-morrow.  But he must not  " In the garden, my Jack-a-dandy!"
know that. No; his friends are nzy said Burdock, furiously.
friends, and shall be too," thought   (".Honest fellow," among servants,
the country wife. She then glanced implies some moral inferiority.)
with some misgiving at her travelling   In the garden went Hunsdon. His
attire, and wished she had brought master - all whose senses were playone trunk with her.                ing sentinel - saw him, and left the
"James," said she, "where is my company to meet him.
room? And, mind, I forbid you to   " She is in the house, sir."
tell a soul I am come."              "Good! Go, - vanish!"
" Your room, Miss Mabel  "        Sir Charles looked into the ban"Well, any room where there is quet-roomn; the haunch was being
looking-glass and water."         placed on the table.  He returned
She then went to a door which with the information. He burned to
opened in fact on a short passage bring husband and wife together; he
leading to a room occupied by Mr. counted each second lost that postVane himself.                     poned this (to him) thrilling joy. 0,
- "No, no! " cried James. "That how happy he was! — happier than
is master's room."                the serpent, when he saw Eve's white
" Well, is not master's room mis- teeth really strike into the apple!




60                      PEG'WOFFINGCTON.
" Shall we pay respect to this happy; Soaper and Snarl eating the
haunch, Mr. Quin l"  said Vane, same, and drinking Toquay, were
gayly.                             mellowed and mitigated into human
"If you please, sir," said Quin, flesh. Mr. Vane and Mrs. Woffinggravely.                           ton were happy; he, because his conColander ran down a by-path with science was asleep; and she, because
an immense bouquet, which he ar- she felt nothing now could shake her
ranged for Mrs. Woffington in a vase hold of him. Sir Charles was in a
at Mr. Vane's left hand. He then sort of mental chuckle.  His head
threw open the windows, which were burned, his hones ached; but he was
on the French plan, and shut within in a sort of nervous delight.
a foot of the lawn.                  "'Where is she? " thought he.
The musicians in the arbor struck "What will she do? Will she send
up, and the company, led by Mr. her maid with a note? How blue he
Vane and Mrs. Woffington, entered  vill look! Or will she come herself?
the room. And a charming room it She is a country wife; there must be
was! - light, lofty, and large, -  a scene.  0, why doesn't she come
adorned in the French way with white into this room? She must know we
and gold. The table was an exact are here! is she watching  someoval, and at it everybody colcld hear where  "  His brain became puzzled,
what any one said; an excellent ar- and his senses were sharpened to a
rangement where ideaed guests only point; he was all eye, ear, and expecare admitted,- which is another ex- tation; and this was why he was the
cellent arrangement, though  I see only one to hear a very slight sound
people don't think so.             behind the door we have mentioned,
The repast was luxurious and ele- and next to perceive a lady's glove
gant.  There was no profusion of lying close to that door. Mabel had
unmeaning dishes; each was a bonne- dropped it in her retreat. Putting
bouchle, -  an  undeniable  delicacy.  this and that together, he was led to
The glass was beautiful, the plates hope and believe she was there, malksilver: the flowers rose like walls ing her toilet, perhaps, and her arfrom the table; the plate massive and rival at present unknown.
glorious; rose-water in the hand-   "Do you expect no one else?"
glasses; music crept in from the gar- said he, with feigned carelessness, to
den, deliciously subdued into what Mr. Vane.
seemed a natural sound. A  broad    "No," said Mr. Vane, with real
stream  of southern sun gushed in carelessness.
fiery gold through the open window,   "It must be so! What fortune!"
and, like a red-hot rainbow, danced thought Pomander.
through the stained glass above it.   Soaper. "Mr. Cibber looks no older
Existence was a thing to bask in, -  than he did five years ago."
in such a place, and so happy an   Snarl. " There was no room on his
hour!                             face for a fresh wrinkle."
The guests were Quin, Mrs. Clive,   Soaper. "He! he! Nay, Mr. Snarl:
Mr. Cibber, Sir Charles Pomander, Mr. Cibber is like old port; the more
Mrs. NVoffington, and Messrs. Soaper ancient he grows, the more delicious
and Snarl, critics of the day. This his perfume."
pair, with wonderful sagacity, had ar-   Snarl. "And the crustier he gets."
rived from the street as the haunch    Clive. "Mr. Vane, you should alcame from the kitchen. Good-humor ways separate those two. Snarl, by
reigned; some cuts passed, but, as the himself, isjust supportable; but, when
parties professed wit, they gave and Soaper paves the way with his hypotook.                              critical praise, the pair are too much;
Quin carved the haunch, and was they are a two-edged sword."




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           61
Wofflgqton. "Wanting nothing but   "You refuse, sir " said Quin,
polish and point."                 sternly.
V'ce. " Gentlemen, we abandon    "No, sir!" said Cibber, with digyour neighbor, Mr. Quin, to you."   nity: "I accept."
Quin. "They know better. If they   Pomander's eye was ever on the
don't keep a civil tongue in their door.
heads, no fat goes from here to them."   "The old are so unjust to the
Cibber. " Ah, Mr. Vane; this room  young," said he. " You pretend that
is delightful; but it makes me sad. the Deluge washed away iniquity,
I knew this house in Lord Longue- and that a rake is a fossil. What,"
ville's time; an unrivalled gallant, said he, leaning as it were on every
Peggy.  You may just remember word, "if I bet you a cool hundred,
him, Sir Charles?"                that Vane has a petticoat in that
Pomzander (with his eye on a cer- room, and that Mrs. Woffington shall
tain door). " Yes,. yes; a gouty old unearth her?"
fellow."                             The malicious dog thought this was
Cibber fired up. " I wish you may the surest way to effect a dramatic exever be like him.  0 the beauty, the posure: because, if Peggy found Mawit, the petits-soupers that used to be bel to all appearances concealed, Peghere! Lonclgeville was a great crea- gy would scold her, and betray herture, Mr. Vane. I have known him  self.
entertain a fine lady in this room,   " Pomander! "  cried  Vane, in
while her rival was fretting and great heat; then, checking himself, he
fuming on the other side of that said coolly: "but you all know Podoor."                             mander."
" Ah, indeed!" said Sir Charles.    " None of you," replied that gentle"More shame for him," said Mr. man. "Bring a chair, sir," said he,
Vane.                              authoritatively, to a servant; who, of
Here was luck! Pomander seized course, obeyed.
this opportunity of turning the con-   Mrs. Clive looked at him, and
versation to his object. With a mali- thought: " There is something in
cious twinkle in his eye, he inquired  this 
of Mr. Cibber what made him fancy    " It is for the lady," said he, coolly.
the house had lost its virtue in Mr. Then, leaningr over the table, he said
Vane's hands.                      to Mrs. Woffington, with an impu"Because," said Cibber, peevishly, dent affectation of friendly understand"you all want the true savoir faire ing: " I ran her to earth in this house
nowadays, because there is no juste not ten minutes ago. Of course I
milieu, young gentlemen. The young don't know who she is! But," smackdogs of the day are all either un- ing his lips, " a rustic Amaryllis,
principled heathen, like yourself, or breathing all May-buds and MeadowAmadisses, like our worthy host." sweet.'"
The old gentleman's face and man-  "ICHave her out, Peggy!" shouted
ners were like those of a patriarch, GCibber. "I know the run, - there's
regretting the general decay of virtue, the covert! Hark, forward! Ha, ha,
not the imaginary diminution of a ha!"
single vice. He concluded with a   Mr. Vane rose, and, with a sternsigh, that, " The true preux des dames ness that brought the old bean up with
went out with the full periwig; stap a run, he said: " Mr. Cibber, age and
my vitals! "                      infirmity are privileged; but for you,
" A bit of fat, Mr. Cibber? " said Sir Charles -"
Quin, whose jokes were not polished.    " Don't be angry," interposed Mrs.
"Jemmy, thou art a brute," was Woffington, whose terror was lest he
the reply.                         should quarrel with so practised a




62                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
swordsman. "Don't you see it is a a conscious state. " It is my wife!"
jest! and, as might be expected from  he repeated, mechanically.
poor Sir Charles, a very sorry one."  The words were no sooner out of
"A jest!" said Vane, white with Mabel's mouth than two servants,
rage. "Let it go no further, or it who had never heard of Mrs. Vane
will be earnest!"                  before, hastened to place on Mr.
Mrs. Woffington placed her hand Vane's right hand the chair Pomanon his shoulder, and at that touch he der had provided, a plate and napkin
instantly yielded, and sat down.   were there in a twinkling, and the
It was at this moment, when Sir wife modestly, but as a matter of
Charles found himself for the present course, courtesied low, with an air of
baffled, -for he could no longer press welcome to all her guests, and then
his point, and search that room; glided into the seat her servants obsewhen the attention of all was drawn quiously placed for her.
to a dispute, which, for a moment, had   The whole thing did not take half
looked like a quarrel; whilst Mrs. a minute!
Woffington's hand still lingered, as
only a woman's hand can linger in leaving the shoulder of the man she loves;
it was at this moment the door opened        CHAPTER XI.
of it-s own accord, and a most beautiful woman stood, with a light step,   MR. VANE, besides being a rich,
upon the threshold!                was a magnificent man; when his
Nobody's back was to her, except features were in repose their beauMr. Vane's. Every eye, but his, was ty had a wise and stately character.
spell-bound upon her.              Soaper and Snarl had admired and
Mrs. Woffington  withdrew  her bitterly envied him. At the present
hand, as if a scorpion had touched moment no one of his guests envied
her.                               him, - they began to realize his posiA  stupor of astonishment fell on tion. And he, a huge wheel of shame
them all.                          and remorse, began to turn and whir
Mr. Vane, seeing the direction of before his eyes. He sat between two
all their eyes, slewed himself round in European beauties, and, pale and
his chair into a most awkward posi- red by turns, shunned the eyes of
tion, and when he saw the lady, he both, and looked down at his plate in
was utterly dumfounded! But she, a cold sweat of humiliation, mortificaas soon as he turned his face her way, tion, and shame.
glided up to him, with a little half-   The iron  passed through  Mrs.
sigh, half-cry of joy, and, taking him  Woffington's soul. So! this was a
round the neck, kissed him delicious- villain too, the greatest villain of all,
ly, while every eye at the table met — a hypocrite!  She turned very
every other eye in turn. One or two faint, but she was under an enemy's
of the men rose; for the lady's beauty eye, and under a rival's; the thought
was as worthy of homage as her ap- drove the blood back from her heart,
pearing was marvellous.            and with a mighty effort she was
Mrs. Woffington, too astonished for Woffington again. Hitherto her liaiemotion to take any definite shape, son with Mr. Vane had called up the
said, in what seemed an ordinary better part of her nature, and perhaps
tone: " Who is this lady?"        our reader has been taking her for a
"I am  his wife, madam," said good woman; but now all her dregs
Mabel, in the voice of a skylark, and were stirred to the surface. The morsmiling friendly on the questioner.   tified actress gulled by a novice, the
" It is my wife! " said Vane, like a wronged and insulted woman, had but
speaking-machine; he was scarcely in two thoughts; to defeat her rival, —




PEG WOFFINGTON.                          63
to be revenged on her false lover. I not? But I beg your pardon, ladies
More than one sharp spasm passed and gentlemen, I hope you will forover her features before she could give me. It is six months since I
master them, and then she became saw  him - so you understand - I
smiles above, wormwood and red-hot warrant me you did not look for me
steel below, - all in less than half a so soon, ladies? "
minute.                              " Some of us did not look for you
As for the others, looks of keen in- at all, madam," said Mrs. Woffingtelligehce passed between them, and ton.
they watched with burning interest   " What, Ernest did not tell you he
for the denouement. That interest was expected me? "
stronger than their sense of the comi-   "No! He told us this banquet was
calit-y of all this (for the humorous in honor of a lady's first visit to his
view of what passes before our eyes house, but none of us imagined that
comes upon cool reflection, not often lady to be his wife."
at the time).                        Vane began to writhe under that
Sir Charles, indeed, who had fore- terrible tongue, whose point hitherto
seen some of this, wore a demure had ever been turned away from him.
look, belied by his glittering eye.   "He intended to steal a march on
He offered Cibber snuff, and the two us," said Pomander, dryly; "and,
satirical animals grinned over the with your help, we steal one on
snuff-box, like a malicious old ape him"; and he smiled maliciously on
and a mischievous young monkey.    Mrs. Woffington.
The new-comer was charming; she   "But, madam," said Mr. Quin,
was above the middle height, of a full, " the moment you did arrive, I kept
though graceful figure, her abundant, sacred for you a bit of the fat; for
glossy, bright brown hair glittered which, I am sure, you must be ready.
here and there like gold in the light; Pass her plate! "
she had a snowy brow, eyes of the   "Not at present, Mr. Quin," said
profoundest blue, a  cheek like a Mr. Vane, hastily. " She is about
peach, and a face beaming candor and to retire and change her travellinggoodness; the character of her coun- dress."
tenance resembled "the Queen of the   "Yes, dear; but, you forget, I am
May," in Mr. Leslie's famous picture, a stranger to your friends. Will you
more than any face of our day I can not introduce me to them first  "
call to mind.                        "No, no! " cried Vane, in trepida"You are not angry with me for tion. "It is not usual to introduce
this silly trick i " said she, with some in the beau mwonde."
misgiving. "After all I am only two   "We always introduce ourselves,"
hours before my time; you know, rejoined Mrs. Woffington; and she
dearest, I said four in my letter, - did rose slowly, with her eye on Vane.
I not? "                          He cast a look of abject entreaty on
Vane stammered. What could he her; but there was no pity in that
say i                             curling lip and awful eye. He Glosed
" And you have had three days to his own eyes, and waited for the blow.
prepare you, for I wrote, like a Sir Charles threw himself back in his
good wife, to ask leave before start- chair, and, chuckling, prepared for the
ing; but he never -so much as an- explosion. Mrs. Woffington saw him,
swered my letter, madam."  (This and cast on him a look of ineffable
she addressed to Mrs. Woffington, scorn; and then she held the whole
who smiled by main force.)        company fluttering a long while. At
" Why," stammered Vane, " could length: " The Honorable Mrs. Quickyou doubt? I -I -"               ly, madam," said she, indicating Mrs.
"No! Silence was consent, was it Clive.




64                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
This turn took them all by surprise.   "And now, Ernest," cried Mabel,
Pomander bit his lip.              "for the news fiom Willoughby."
" Sir John Brute - "               Vane stopped her in dismay. He
"Falstaff," cried Quin; "hang it." felt how many satirical eyes and ears
" Sir John Brute Falstaff," resumed were upon him and his wife. "Pray
Mrs. Woffington.  "We call him, go and thange your dress first, Mafor brevity, Brute."               be!," cried he, fully determined that
Vane drew a long breath. "Your on her return she should not find the
neighbor is Lord Foppington; a but- present party there.
terfly of some standing, and a little   Mrs. Vane cast an imploring look
gouty.                             on Mrs. Woffington. "My things
" Sir Charles Pomander."         are not come," said she.  "And,
"0," cried Mrs. Vane. "It is the Lady Betty, I had so much to tell
good gentleman who helped us out him, and to be sent away"; and the
of the slough, near Huntingdon. Er- deep blue eyes began to fill.
nest, if it had not been for this gen-   Now  Mrs. Woffington  was detileman, I should not have had the termined that this lady, who she saw
pleasure of being here now."  And was simple, should disgust her husshe beamed on the good Pomander.   band, by talking twaddle before a
Mr. Vane did not rise and embrace band of satirists.  So she said warmSir Charles.                      ly: "It is not fair on us.  Pray,
"All the company thanks the madam, your budget of country
good Sir Charles," said Cibber, bow- news.  Clouted cream  so seldom
ing.                               comes to London quite fresh."
"I see it in all their faces," said   "There, you see, Ernest," said
the good Sir Charles, dryly.       the unsuspicious soul. "First, you
Mrs. Woffington continued: "Mr. must know  that Gray Gillian is
Soaper, Mr. Snarl; gentlemen who turned out for a brood mare, so old
would butter and slice up their own Geroge won't let me ride her; old
fathers!"                         servants are such tyrants, my lady.
"Bless me!" cried Mrs. Vane, And my Barbary hen has laid two
faintly.                           eggs; Heaven knows the trouble we
" Critics!"  And she dropped, as had to bring her to it. And Dame
it were, the word dryly, with a sweet Best, that is my husband's old nurse,
smile, into Mabel's plate.         Mrs. Quickly, has had soup and pudMrs. Vane was relieved; she had ding fiom  the Hall every day; and
apprehended cannibals. London they once she went- so far as to say it was
hald told her was full of curiosi- n't altogether a bad pudding. She
ties.                             is not a very grateful woman, in a
"But yourself, madam  "         general way, poor thing! I made it
" I am the Lady Betty Modish; at with these hands."
vour service."                       Vane writhed.
A four-inch grin went round the   "Happy pudding!" observed Mr.
table.  The dramatical old rascal, Cibber.
Cibber, began now to look at it as a   "Is this mockery sir. " cried Vane,
bit of genteel comedy; and slipped with a sudden bur:st of irritation.
out his note-book under the table.   "No, sir; it is gallantly," replied
Pomander cursed  her ready  wit, Cibber, with perfect coolness.
which had disappointed him of his   "Will you hear a little music in
catastrophe. Vane wrote on a slip of the garden?" said Vane to Mrs.
paper: "Pity and respect the inno- Woffington, pooh-poohing his wife's
cent!" and passed it to Mrs. Wof- news.
fington. He could not have done a   " Not till I hear the end of Dame
more superfluous or injudicious thing. Bess."




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                          Go
"Best, my lady."                 he entered the garden with Mrs. Wof"Dame Best interests me, Mr. fington.
Vane."                               Now the other gentlemen admired
"Ay, and Ernest is very fond of Mrs. Vane the most.  She was new.
her, too, when he is at home. She is She was as lovely, in her way, as Pegin her nice new cottage, dear; but gy; and it was the young May-morn
she misses the draughts that were in beauty of the country. They forgave
her old one, —they were like old her simplicity, and even her goodness,
friends.'The only ones I have, I'm- on account of her beauty; men are
thinking,' said the dear cross old not severe judges of beautiful women.
thing; and there stood I, on her They all solicited her to come with
floor, with a flannel petticoat in both them, and be the queen of the garden.
hands, that I had made for her, and But the good wife was  obedient.
ruined my finger.  Look else, my Her lord had told her she was faLord Foppington 2 "  She extended tigued; so she said she was tired.
a hand the color of cream.           "Mr. Vane's garden will lack its
" Permit me, madam? " taking sweetest and fairest flower, madam,"
out his glasses, with which he in- cried  Cibber, "if we leave you
spected her finger; and gravely an- here."
nounced to the company: "The    "Nay, my lord, there are fairer
laceration is, in fact, discernible. May than I."
I be permitted, madam," added he,   "Poor Quin! " cried Kitty Clive;
" to kiss this fair hand, which I " to have to leave the alderman's walk
should never have suspected of hav- for the garden-walk."
ing ever made itself half so use-   "All I regret," said the honest
ful? "                            glutton, stoutly, "is that I go with" Ay, my lord! " said she, coloring out carving for Mrs. Vane."
slightly, "you shall, because you are   "You are very good, Sir John; I
so old; but I don't say for a young will be more troublesome to you at
gentleman, unless it was the one supper-time.":that belongs to me; and he does not   When they were  all gone, she
ask me."                           could n't help sighing.  It almost
"My dear Mabel; pray remember seemed as if everybody was kinder to
we are not at Willoughby."         her than he whose kindness alone she
"I see we are not, Ernest."  And valued. "And he must take Lady
the dovelike eyes filled brimful; and Betty's hand instead of mine," thought
all her innocent prattle was put an she. "But that is good breeding, I
end to.                            suppose. I wish there was no such
"What brutes men are," thought thing; we are very happy without it
-Mrs.  Woffington.  "They are not in Shropshire."  Then this poor litworthy even of a fool like this."  tle soul was ashamed of herself, and
Mr. Vane once more pressed her took herself to task. "Poor Ernest,"
to hear a little music in the garden; said she, pitying the wrong-doer, like
and this time she consented.  Mr. a woman, "he was not pleased to be
Vane was far from being unmoved so taken by surprise. No wonder;
by his wife's arrival, and her true af- they are so ceremonious in London.
fection.  But she worried him; he How good of him not to be angry!"
was anxious, above all things, to es- Then she sighed; her heart had recape from his present position, and  ceived a damp. His voice seemed
separate the rival queens; and this changed, and he did not meet her eyes
was the only way he could see to do with the look he wore at Willoughby.
it.  He whispered Mabel, and bade She looked timidly into the garden.
her somewhat peremptorily rest her- She saw the gay colors of beaux, as
self for an hour after her journey, and well as of belles, - for in these days
*                }a~~~~~~~~_




66                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
broadcloth had not displaced silk and   Triplet bowed, and sat on the edge
velvet, — glancing and shining among of a chair, and smirked and dropped
the trees; and she sighed, but, pres- his portfolio, and instantly begged
entrly brightening up a little, she said: Mrs. Vane's pardon; in taking it up,
"I will go and see that the coffee is he let fall his manuscript, and was
llhot and clear, and the chocolate well again confused; but in the middle of
mixed for them."  The poor child some superfluous and absurd excuse
wanted to do something to please her his eye fell on the haunch; it straighthusband. Before she could carry out way dilated to an enormous size, and
this act of domestic virtue, her atten- he became suddenly silent and abtion was drawn to a strife of tongues sorbed in contemplation.
in the hall. She opened the folding-   " You look sadly tired, sir."
doors, and there was a fine gentleman    "Why, yes, madam. It is a long
obstructing the entrance of a sombre, way from Lambeth Walk, and it is.
rusty figure, with a portfolio and a passing hot, madam."  He took his
manuscript under each arm.         handkerchief out, and was about to
The filne gentleman was Colander. wipe his brow, but returned it hastily
The seedy personage was the eternal to his pocket. " I beg your pardon,
Triplet, come to make hay with his madam," said Triplet, whose ideas of
five-foot rule while the sun shone. breeding, though speculative, were
Colander had opened the door to him, severe, " I forgot myself."
and he had shot into the hall. The   Mabel looked at hinm, and colored,
major-domo obstructed the farther and slightly hesitated.  At last she
entrance of such a coat.           said: "I'11 be bound you came in
"I tell you my master is not such a hurry you forgot —you must
at home," remonstrated the major- n't be angry with me - to have your
domo.                              dinner first! "
" How can you say so," cried Mrs.   For Triplet looked like an absurd
Vane, in surprise, "when you know  wolf, -all benevolence and starvahe is in the garden  "             tion!
"Simpleton!" thought Colander.    " What  divine  intelligence!"
" Show the gentleman in."        thought Trip. " How strange, mad" Gentlellan!" muttered  Colan- am," cried he, "you have hit, it!
der.                               This accounts, at once, for a craving
Triplet thanked her for her conde- I feel. Now you remind me, I recolscension; he would  wait for Mr. lect carving for others, I did forget to
Vane in the hall. "I came by ap- remember myself.  Not that I need
pointment, madam; this is the only have forgot it to-day, madam; but,
excuse for the importunity you have being used to forget it, I did not rejust witnessed."                   member not to forget it to-day, madHearing this, Mrs. Vane dismissed am, that was all."  And the author
Colander to inform his master.  Co- of this intelligent account smiled very,
lander bowed loftily, and walked into very, very absurdly.
the servants' hall without deigning to   She poured him out a glass of wine.
take the last proposition into consid- He rose and bowed; but peremptorily
eration.                           refused it, with his tongue, - his eye
"Come in here, sir," said Mabel; drank it.
"Mr. Vane will come as soon as he   " But you must," persisted this
can leave his company."  Triplet en- hospitable lady.
teled in a series of obsequious jerks.   "But, madam, consider I am not
" Sit down and rest you, sir."  And entitled to -   Nectar, as I am  a
Mrs. Vane seated herself at the table, man! "
and motioned with her white hand to   The white hand was filling his plate
Triplet to sit beside her.         with partridge pie: "But, madam,




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                          67
you don't consider how you overwhelm  side! lie, a Don Quixote, with cordme with your —   Ambrosia, as I am  age instead of lines in his mahogany
a poet!"                          face, and clothes hanging upon him;
"I am  sorry Mr. Vane should she, smooth, duck-like, delicious, and
keep you waiting."                 bright as an opening rose fresh with
" By no means, madam; it is fortu- dew!
nate,- I mean it procures me the   She watched him  kindly, archly,
pleasure of" (here articulation became and demurely; and still plied him,
obstructed) " your society, madam  country-wise, with every mortal thing
Besides, the servants of the Muse are on the table.
used to waiting.  What we are not   But the poet was not a boa-conused to is " (here the white hand filled strictor, and even a boa-constrictor
his glass) " being waited upon by has an end. Hunger satisfied, his
Hcbe and the Twelve Graces, whose next strongest feeling, simple vanity,
health I have the honor "-(Degluti- remained to be contented. As the
tion.)                             last morsel went in out came:"A  poet!" cried Mabel; "oh! I    "'Bright being, thou whose ra-'"
am so glad! Little did I think ever to
see a living poet! Dear heart!  I   "No! no!" said she, who fancied
should not have known, if you had herself (and not without reason) the
not told me. Sir, I love poetry!"    bright being. "Mr. Vane intended
" It is in your face, madam." Trip- them for a surprise."
let instantly whipped out his mann-   "As you please, madam"; and the
script, put a plate on one corner of it, disappointed bore sighed.  " But you
and a decanter on the other, and would have liked them, for the theme
begged her opinion of this trifle, com- inspired me. The kindest, the most
posed, said he, "in honor of a lady generous of women!  Don't you
Mr. Vane entertains to-day."       agree with me, madam l "
"Oh!" said Mrs. Vane, and col-   Mabel Vane  opened  her eyes.
ored with pleasure. I-ow ungrateful "Hardly, sir," laughed she.
she had been! Here was an atten-   "If you knew her as I do."
tion! - For, of course, she never   "I ought to know her better, sir."
doubted that the verses were in honor   "Ay, indeed! Well, madam, now
of her arrival.                    her kindness to me, for instance, - a
poor devil like me. The expression,
I trust, is not disagreeable to you,
sang out Triplet.                  madam? If so, forgive me, and con"Nay, sir," said Mabel; "I think sider it withdrawn."
I know the lady, and it would be   "_La, sir! civility is so cheap, if you
hardly proper of me-"              go to that."
" 0 madam! " said Triplet, sol-   " Civility, ma'am? Why, she has
emnly; "strictly correct, madam!" saved me from despair, - from starvaAnd he spread his hand out over his tion, perhaps."
bosom. "Strictly! -'Blunderbuss'   "Poor thing!  Well, indeed, sir,
(my poetical name, madam) never you looked - you looked —what a
stooped to the taste of the town.  shame! and you a poet."'Bright being, thou-"'        "From an epitaph to an epic, madam."
"But you must have another glass   At this moment a figure looked in
of wine first, and a slice of the upon them  from  the garden, but
haunch."                           retreated  unobserved. It was Sir
" With alacrity, madam."  lie laid Charles Pomanrder, who had slipped
in a fresh stock of provisions.    away, with the heartless and malicious
Strange it was to see them side by intention of exposing the husband to




68                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
the wife, and profiting by her indig-   "Well, madam, but at least you
nation and despair.  Seeing Triplet, have seen her act?"
he made an extemporaneous calcula-   "Act! you don't mean all this is
tion  that so infernal a chatterbox for an actress? "
could not be ten minutes in her com-   "An actress?  The actress! And
pany without telling her everything, you have never seen her act? Wrhat
and this would serve his turn very a pleasure you have to come! To
well. He therefore postponed his pur- see her act is a privileoge; but to act
pose, and strolled away to a short dis- with her, as I once did! But she
tance.                              does not remember that, nor shall I
Triplet justified the Baronet's opin- remind her, madam," said Triplet,
ion.  Without any sort of sequency sternly. "On that occasion I was
he now informed Mrs. Vane that the hissed, owing to circumstances which,
benevolent lady was to sit to him for for the credit of our common nature,
her portrait.                       I suppress."
Here was a new attention of Er-   "What! are you an actor too?
nest's. How good lie was, and how  You are everything."
wicked and ungrateful she!             "And it was in a farce of my own,
" What! are you a painter too?" madam, which, by the strangest comshe inquired.                        bination of accidents, was damned!"
"From a house front to an histor-   "A  play-writer?  0, what clever
ical composition, madam."           men there are in the world - in Lon" 0, what a clever man! And so don, at least! He is a play-writer,
Ernest commissioned you to paint a too. I wonder my husband comes
portrait?"                         not.  Does Mr. Vane - does Mr.
"No, madam; for that I am  in- Vane admire this actress? " said she,
debted to the lady herself."        suddenly.
"The lady herself? "                "Mr. Vane, madam, is a gentlec
" Yes, madram; and I expected to man of taste," said he, pompously.
find her here. Will you add to your   " Well, sir," said the lady, languidkindness by informing me whether ly, "she is not here."  Triplet took
she has arrived? Or she is gone -" the hint and rose. " Good by," said
"Who, sir?  (O  dear! not my she, sweetly; "and thank you kindportrait! 0 Ernest!)"              ly for your company, Mr. - Mr. —'
"Who, madam!" cried Triplet;   " Triplet, madam, -James Triplet,
"why, Mrs. Woffington!"            of 10, Hercules Buildings, Lambeth.
" She is not here," said Mrs. Vane, Occasional verses, odes, epithalamia,
who remembered all the names per- elegies, dedications, squibs, imprompfectly well. " There is one charm- tus, and hymns executed with spirit,
ing lady among our guests, her face punctuality, and secrecy. Portraits
took me in a moment; but she is a painted, and instruction in declamatitled lady: there is no Mrs. Woffing- tion, sacred, profane, and dramatic.
ton amongst them."                  The card, madam " (and he drew it
"Strange!" replied Triplet; "she as doth a theatrical fop his rapier)
was to be here; and in fact that is "of him who, to all these qualificawhy I expedited these lines in her tions, adds a prouder still —that of
honor."                             being,
"In her honor, sir?                         " "Madam,
"Yes, madam. Allow me:-          "Your humble, devoted, and grateful' Bright being, thou whose radiant brow-  servlant,
6A JAMES TRIPLET."
"No! no! I don't care to hear
them  now, for I don't know  the   He bowed in a line from  his
lady."                              right shoulder to his left toe, and




PEG WOFFINGTON.                            69
moved off. But Triplet could not go    Pomornder. " And  our excellent
all at one time out of such company; Ernest is such a favorite!"
he was given to return in real life, he   M11tabel. " No wvonder, sir."
had played this trick so often on the   Pomandler. " Few can so pass from
stage. - He came back, exuberant the larva state of country squire to
with gratitude.                     the butterfly nature of beau."
"The fact is, madam," said he,  Ilabel. " Yes " (sadly), " I find him
"strange as it may appear to you, a changed."
kind hand has not so often been held   Pomander.  " Changed!    Transout to me, that I should forget it, formed. He is now the prop of the
especially when that hand is so fair' Cocoa-Tree,' the star of Ranelagh,
and gracious. May I be permitted, the Lauzun of the green-room."
madam - you will impute it to grati-   Msalei. "The green-room! Where
tude  rather than  audacity --  I-  is that?  You mean kindly, sir; but
I-" (whimper), "madamn" (with you make me unhappy."
sudden severity), "I am gone!"        Pomeancler. " The green-room, my
These last words he pronounced dear madam, is the bower where
with the right arm at an angle of houris put off their wings, and godforty-five degrees, and the fingers'desses become dowdies; where Lady
pointing horizontally. The stage had  Macbeth weeps over her lap-dog, dead
taught him this grace also.  In his from repletion; and Belvidera soothes
day, an actor who had three words her broken heart with a dozen of oysto say, such as, " My lord's carriage ters: in a word, it is the place where
is waiting," came on the stage with  actors and actresses become men and
the right arm thus elevated, delivered women, and act their own parts with
his message in the tones of a falling skill, instead of a poet's clmsily."
dynasty, wheeled like a soldier, and    Malbel. "Actors! actresses! Does
retired with the left arm pointing to Mr. Vane frequent such - "
the sky, and the right hand extended   Pomancler.  " He has earned in six
behind him like a setter's tail.    months a reputation many a fine genLeft to herself, Mabel was uneasy. tleman would give his ears for. Not
"Ernest is so warm-hearted."  This a scandalous journal his initials have
was the way she put it even to her- not figured in; not an actress of repself.  He admired her acting, and utation gossip has not given him for
wished to pay her a compliment. a conquest."
"What if I carried him the verses?"    " How dare you say this to me  "
She thought she should surely please cried Mrs. Vane, with a sudden flash
him by showing she was not the least of indignation, and then the tears
jealous or doubtful of him.  The streamed over her lovely cheeks; and,
poor child wanted so to win a kind even a Pomander might have forlook from her husband; but, ere she borne to torture her so; but Sir
could reach the window, Sir Charles Charles had no mercy.
Pomander had entered it.               " You would be sure to learn it,"
Now  Sir Charles was naturally  said he; "and with malicious addiwelcome to Mrs. Vane; for all she tions. It is better to hear the truth
knew of him was, that he had helped from a friend."
her on the road to her husband.       "A friend? He is no friend to a
Pomancder. " What, madam! all house who calumniates the husband
alone here as in Shropshire? "     to the wife. Is it the part of a friend
3Iabel. "For the moment, sir."    to distort dear Ernest's  kindliness
Pon7ander. "Force of habit.  A  and gayety into ill morals; to pervert
husband with a wife in Shropshire is his love of poetry and plays into an
so like a bachelor."                unworthy attachment to actors and -
Mnabel. "'Sir!"..            oh! " and the tears would come. But




70                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
she dried them, for now she hated gone. My God, have pity on me! my
this man; with'all the little power of husband does not love me."
hatred  slhe had, she detested him.   Tile cold villain was startled at the
Do you suppose I did not know  mighty storm  his mean hand had
Mlrs. Woffinoton was to come to us raised. This creature had not only
to-daty  " cried she, struggling pas- more feeling, but more passion, than
sionateIy ag'ainst her own fears and a hundred libertines.  He muttered
Sir Charles's innuendoes.           some villain's commonplaces; while
What " cried he; "you recog- this unhappy young lady raised her
nized her? You detected the actress hands to heaven, and sobbed in a way
of all work under the airs of Lady very terrible to any manly heart.
Betty Modish? "                       " He is unworthy you," muttered
"Lady Betty Modish!" cried Ma- Pomander.  " He has forfeited your
bel  "that good, beautiful face!"    love: hlie has left you nothing but
"Ah!" cried Sir Charles, "I see revenge.  Be comforted.  Let me,
you did not.  Well, Lady Betty was who have learned already to adore
Mrs. Woffington!"                  you -"
Whom my husband, I know, had    "So," cried she,' turning on him in
invitedhere to present her with these a moment (for, on some points, woverses, which I shall take him for man's instinct is the lightning of wisher "; and her poor little lip trem- dom), "this, sir, was your object?
bled. "Had the visit been in any I may no longer hold a place in my
other character, as you are so base, husband's heart; but I am mistress
so cruel as to insinuate, (what have I of his house. Leave it, sir! and never
done to you that you kill me so, you return to it whilst I live."
wicked gentleman?) would.he have    Sir  Charles, again  discomfited,
chosen the day of my arrival?"     bowed reverentially.  "Your wish
"Not if he knew you were coming," shall ever be respected by me, madwas the cool reply.                 am! But here they come. Use the
"And he did know, - I wrote to right of a wife.  Conceal yourself in
him."                               that high chair.  See, I turn it; so
"Indeed " said Pomander, fairly  that they cannot see you. At least
puzzled.                            you will find I have but told you the
Mrs. Vane caught sight of her truth."
handwriting on the tray, and darted    "No!" cried Mabel, violently. "I
to it, and seized her letter, and said, will not spy upon my husband at the
triumphantly: -                     dictation of his treacherous fiiend."
"My last letter, written upon the    Sir Charles vanished.  He was
road, - see! "                     no sooner gone than Mrs. Vane
Sir Charles took it with surprise, crouched, trembling', and writhing
but, turning it in his hand, a cool, sa- with jealousy, in  the large, hightirical smile came to his face. He backed chair. She heard her husband
handed it back, and said, coldly: -   and the soi-disant Lady Betty Modish
"Read me the passage, madam, on enter. During their absence, Mrs.
which you argue."                   Woffington had doubtless been playPoor Mrs. Vane turned the letter ing her cards with art; for it apin her hand, and her eye became in- peared that a reconciliation was now
stantly glazed; the seal was unbro- taking place.  The lady, however,
ken! She gave a sharp cry of agony, was still cool and distant. It was
like a wounded deer.  She saw Po- poor Mabel's fate to  hear these
mander no longer; she was alone words: "You must permit me to go
with her great anguish.  "I had but alone, Mr. Vane. I insist upon leavmy husband and my God in the ing this house alone."
world," cried she. "My mother is   On this, he whispered to her.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           71
She answered: "You are not jus- fatigue, you villain! It is you who
tified."                           have killed her, with your jczebels
"I can explain all," was his reply. and harlots, you scoundrel! "
"I am ready to renounce credit, char-   "Send the women here, James, for
acter, all the world for you."     God's sake!" cried Mr. Vane, not
They passed out of the room before even noticing the insult he had rethe unhappy listener -could recover ceived from a servant. He stamped
the numbing influence of these deadly furiously, and cried for help. The
words.                             whole household was round her in a
But the next moment she started moment. They carried her to bed.
wildly up, and cried as ofie drowning    The remorse-stricken man, his own
cries vaguely for help: "Ernest! oh, knees trembling under him, flew, in
no — no! you cannot use me so! an agony of fear and self-reproach,
Ernest - husband! 0 mother! moth- for a doctor!
er!"                                A doctor?
She rose, and would have made for
the door, but nature had been too
cruelly tried. At the first step she
could no longer see anything; and           CHAPTER XIII.
the next moment, swooning dead
away, she fell back insensible, with    DURING  the garden  scene, Mr.
her head and shoulders resting on the Vane had begged Mrs. Woffington to
chair.                             let him accompany her. She peremptorily refused, and said in the same
breath she was going to Triplet, in
CHAPTER XII.              Hercules Buildings, to have her portrait finished.
MnR.VANE was putting Mrs. Wof-   Had Mr. Vane understood the sex,
fington into her chair, when  he he would not have interpreted herrethought he heard his name cried. He fusal to the letter; when there was a
bade that lady a mournful farewell, postscript, the meaning of which was
and stepped back into his own hall. so little enigmatical.
He had no sooner done so, than he   Some three hours after the scene
heard a voice, the accent of which we have described, Mrs. Woffington
alarmed him, though he distinguished sat in Triplet's apartment; and Tripno word. He hastily crossed the hall, let, palette in hand, painted away upand flew  into the  banquet-room. on her portrait.
Coming rapidly in at the folding-   Mrs. Woffington was in that landoors he almost fell over his wife, ly- guid state which comes to women
ing insensible, half upon the floor,,after their hearts have received a
and half upon the chair. When he blow. She felt as if life was ended,
saw her pale and motionless, a terri- and but the dregs of existence rcble misgiving seized him; he fell on mained; but at times a flood of bithis knees.                         terness rolled over her, and she re"Mabel, Mabel! " cried he, "my signed all hope of perfect happiness
love! my innocent wife! 0  God! in this world, - all hope of loving and
what have I done? Perhaps it is the respecting the same creature; and at
fatigue, - perhaps she has thinted."  these moments she had but one idea,
"No, it is not the  fatigue!" — to use her own power, and'bind
screamed a voice near him. It was her lover to her by chains never to be
old James Burdock, who, with his broken; and to close her eyes, and
white hair streaming, and his eye glide down the precipice of the fugleaming with fire, shook his fist in ture.
his master's face, -" no, it is not the   "I think you are master of this




72                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
art," said she, very languidly, to Trip- treacle I call it! But there, I deserve
let, " you paint so rapidly."      it all! For look on this picture, and
"Yes, madam," said Triplet, gloom- on this!"
ily; and painted on. "Confound this   "Meaning, I am painted as well as
shadow!" added he; and painted on. my picture! "
His soul, too, was clouded. Mrs.   " 0 no, no, no! But to turn from
Woffington, yawning in his face, had your face, madam,- on which the
told  him  she had invited all Mr. lightning of expression plays continVane's company to come and praise ually, -to this stony, detestable, dead
his work; and ever since that he had daub!-I could-  And I will, too!
been norne et silencieux.          Imposture! dead caricature of life and
"You are fortunate," continued beauty, take that!" and he dashed
Mrs. Woffington, not caring what his palette-knife through the canvas.
she said; "it is so difficult to make " Libellous lie against nature and
execution keep pace with concep- Mrs. Woffington, take that!" and he
tion."                             stabbed the canvas again; then, with
"Yes, ma'am"; and he painted sudden humility: "I beg your paron.                                don, ma'am," said he, "for this ap"You are satisfied with it?"    parent outrage, which I trust you will
"Anything but, ma'am"; and he set down to the excitement attendarnt
painted on.                        upon failure. The fact is, I am an
" Cheerful soul! - then I presume incapable ass, and no painter! Othit is like?"                      ers have often hinted as much; but
Not a bit, ma'am "; and he paint- I  never  observed  it myself till
ed on.                             now!"
Mrs. Woffington stretched.         "Right through my pet dimple!"
"You can't yawn, ma'am, -you said Mrs. Woffington, with perfect
can't yawn."                      rnonchalance. "V Well, now I suppose
"0  yes, I can.  You are such I may yawn, or do what I like l
good company"; and she stretched    "You may, madam," said Triplet,
again.                             gravely.  "I have forfeited what lit"'I was just about to catch the turn tie control I had over you, madam."
of the lip," remonstrated Triplet.   So they sat opposite each other, in
"Well, catch it, —it won't run mournful silence. At length the acaway."                             tress suddenly rose.  She struggled
" I'11 try,/ma'am. A pleasant hal' fiercely against her depression, and
hour it will be for me, when they all vowed that melancholy should not become here like cits at a shilling ordi- numb her spirits and her power.
nary, - each for his cut."           "He ought to have been here by
"At a sensitive goose!"         this  time,"  said  she  to  herselft
"That is as may be, madam. Those "Well, I will not mope for him: I
critics flay us alive!"           must do something.  Triplet," said
"You should not hold so many she.
doors open to censure."              " Madam."
"INo, ma'am. Head a little more   "Nothing."
that way. I suppose you can't sit   "No, madam."
quiet, ma'am? - then never mind!"    She sat gently down again, and
(This resignation was intended as leaned her head on her hand, and
a stinging reproach.)  "Mr. Cibber, thought. She was beautiful as she
with dhis sneering snuff-box! Mr. thought!-her body seemed bristling
Quin, with his humorous bludgeon! with mind! At last, her thoughtful
Mrs. Clive, with her tongue! Mr. gravity was illumined by a-smile: she
Snarl, withl his abuse! And Mr. had thought outt something excoitavceSoaper, with his praise!-arsenic in rat.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           73
"Triplet, the picture is quite ru- vas. She then made him take his
ined! "                           brush and paint all round her face,
"Yes, madam. And a coach-load so that the transition might not be
of criticism coming! "            too abrupt. Several yards of green
" Triplet, we actors and actresses baize were also produced.  This was
have often bright ideas."          to be disposed behind the easel, so as
"Yes, ma'am."                    to conceal her.
"When we take other people's!"    Triplet painted here, and touched
"He, he!!" went Triplet. "Those and retouched there.  Whilst thus
are our best, madam!"             occupied, he said, in his calm, resigned
"Well, sir, I have got a bright way:  "It won't do, madam. I supidea."                             pose you know that  "
"You don't say so, ma'am!"        "I know nothing," was the reply.
" Don't be a brute, dear! " said the "Life is a guess. I don't think we
lady, gravely.                     could deceive Roxalana and Lucy
Triplet stared!                 this way, because their eyes are with"When I was in France, taking out colored spectacles; but, when peolessons of Dumesnil, one of the actors pie have once begun to see by prejuof the Theatre Francais had his por- dices and judge by jargon, what can't
trait painted by a rising artist. The be done with them?  Who knows?
others were to come and see it. do you? I don't; so let us try."
They determined, beforehand, to mor-   "I beg your pardon, madam; my
tify the painter and the sitter, by brush touched your face."
abusing the work in good set terms.   "No offence, sir; I am used to
nBut somehow this got wind, and the that. And I beg, if you can't tone
patients resolved to be the physicians. the rest of the picture up to me, that
They put their heads together, and you will instantly tone me down to
contrived that the living face should the rest. Let us be in tune, whatever
be in the canvas, surrounded by the it costs, sir."
accessories: these, of course, were   "I will avail myself of the privipainted.  Enter  the  actors, who lege, madam, but sparingly. Failure,
played their little prearranged farce; which is certain, madam, will cover
and, when they had each given the us with disgrace."
picture a slap, the picture rose and   "Nothing is certain in this life, sir,
laughed in their faces, and discom- except that you are a goose.  It sucfited them!  By the by, the painter ceeded in France; and England can
did not stop there: he was not con- match all Europe for fools. Besides,
tent with a short laugh, he laughed at it will be well done. They say Davy
them five hundred years! "        Garrick can turn his eyes into bottled
" Good gracious, Mrs. Woffing- gooseberries. ~ Well, Peg Woffington
ton!"                             will turn hers into black currants.
"He painted a picture of the whole Have n't you done? I wonder they
thing; and as his work is immortal, have not come. Make haste! "
ours an April snow-flake, he has got   " They will know by its beauty I
tremendously the better of those rash never did it."
little satirists. Well, Trip, what is   " That is a sensible remark, Trip.
sauce for the gander is sauce for the But I think they will rather argue
goose; so give me the sharpest knife backwards; that, as you did it, it canin the house."                     not be beautiful, and so cannot be me.
Triplet gave her a  knife, and Your reputation will be our shield.
looked confused, while she cut away   "Well, madam, now you mention
the face of the picture, and by dint of it, they are like enough to take that
scraping, cutting, and measuring, got ground.  They despise all I do; if
her face two parts through the can- they did not —"
4




74                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
" You would despise them."        and at first sight IMr. Cibber had
At this moment the pair were star- done its business. And on such men
tied by the sound of a coach.   Trip- he and his portrait were to attempt a
let turned as pale as ashes. Mrs. preposterous delusion. Then there
Woffington had her misgivings; but, was Snarl, who wrote critiques on
not choosing to increase the difficulty, painting, and  guided the national
she would not let Triplet, whose self- taste.  The unlucky exhibitor was in
possession she doubted, see any sign  a cold sweat. He led the way like a
of emotion in her.                  thief going to the gallows.
" Lock the door," said she, firmly,   " The  picture  being  unfinished,
"and don't be silly.  Now hold up gentlemen," said he, "must, if you
my green baize petticoat, and let me would do me justice, be seen from a
be in a half-light.  Now put that - a focus: must be judged from here,
table and those chairs before me, so I mean."
that they can't come right up to me;   "Where, sir?" said Mr. Cibber.
and, Triplet, don't let them  come   "About here, sir, if you please,"
within six yards, if you can help it. said poor Triplet, faintly.
Say it is unfinished, and so must be   " It looks like a finished picture
seen from a focus."                 fiom here," said Mrs. Clive.
"A focus! I don't know what you    "Yes, madam," groaned Triplet.
mean."                                 They all took up a position, and
" No more do I; no more will they, Triplet timidly raised his eyes along
perhaps; and, if they don't, they will with the rest: he was a little surswallow  it directly.   Unlock the prised.  The actress had flattened her
door: are they coming "             face! She had done all that could
" They are only at the first stair." be done, and more than he had con" Mr. Triplet, your face is a book, ceived possible, in the way of extractwhere one may read strange matters. ing life and the atmosphere of expresFor Heaven's sake, compose your- sion from her countenance.  She was
self: let all the risk lie in one counte- "dead still! "
nance.  Look  at me, sir.  Make   There was a pause.
your face like the Book of Daniel in    Triplet fluttered.  At last some of
a Jew's hack parlor.  Volto Sciolto them spoke as follows:is your cue."                          Sortper. "Ah!"
" Madam, madam, how your tongue    Quin. "Ho!"
goes! I hear them  on the stairs:   Clive. "Eih!
pray don't speak!"                    Cibber. " HLmph!"
"Do you know what we are going    These interjections are small on
to do? " continued the tormenting  paper, but as the good creatures
Peggy.  "We are going to weigh uttered them  they were eloquent;
goose's feathers! to criticise criticism, there was a cheerful variety of disTrip- "                             praise skilfully thrown into each of
" Hush! hush!"                  them.
A graimpus was heard outside the    "Well," continued Soaper, with his
door, and Triplet opened it. There everlasting smile.
was Quin leading the band.             Then the fun began.
" Have a care, sir," cried Triplet;   " May I be permitted to ask -whose
"there is a hiatus the third step from  portrait this is  " said Mr. Cibber,
the door."                          slyly.
"A grad2s ad Parnassum a want-   " I distinctly told you, it was to be
ing," said Mr. Cibber.               Peg Woffington's," said Mrs. Clive.
Triplet's heart sank. The hole had "I think you might take my word."
been there six months, and he had    "Do you act as truly as you paint?"
found nothing witty to say about it,. said Quin.




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                           75
"Your fame runs no risk from me, cessors carry the public with them
sir!" replied Triplet.             now.
"It is not like Peggy's beauty!   "Your brush is by no means destiPh? " rejoined Quin.               tute of talent, Mr. Triplet," said
" I can't agree with you," cried Mr. Snarl.  "But you are somewhat
Kitty Clive. " I think  it a very deficient, at present, in the great
pretty face; and not at all like Peg principles' of your art; the first of
Woffington's."                      which is a loyal adherence to truth.
"Compare paint with paint," said Beauty itself is but one of the forms
Quin.  " Are you sure you ever saw  of truth, and nature is our finite exdown to Peggy's real face? "        ponent of infinite truth."
Triplet had seen with alarm that   His auditors gave him  a marked
Mr. Snarl spoke not; many satirical attention.  They could not but acexpressions crossed his face, but he knowledge, that men who go to the
said nothing.  Triplet gathered from  bottom  of things like this should be
tthis that he had at once detected the the best instructors.
trick. "Ah! " thought Triplet, "he   "Now, in nature, a woman's face
means to quiz them, as well as expose at this distance — ay, even at this
me. He is hanging back; and, in  short distance - melts into the air.
point of fact, a inighty satirist like There is none of that sharpness; but,
Snarl would naturally choose to quiz on the contrary, a softness of outline."
six people rather than two."        He -made a lorgnette of his two hands;
" Now I call it beautiful! " said the others did so too, and found they
the traitor Soaper. " So calm  and saw much better - oh, ever so much
reposeful; no particular expression."  better! "Whereas yours," resumed
"None whatever," said Snarl.      Snarl, "is hard; and, forgive me,
"Gentlemen," said Triplet, "does rather tea-board  like.  Then  your
it never occur to you that the fine clhiaro scuro, my good sir, is very defecarts are tender violets, and cannot tive; for instance, in nature, the nose,
blow when the north winds —'        intercepting the light on one side the
"Blow!" inserted Quin.           face, throws, of necessity, a shadow:
"Are so cursed cutting? "continued under the eye. Caravaggio, VeneTriplet.                            tians generally, and the Bolognese
" My good sir, I am never cutting!"  masters, do particular justice to this.
smirked Soaper.  "My dear Snarl," No such shade appears in this porwhined he, "give us the benefit of trait."
your practised judgment.  Do jus-   "'T is so, stop my vitals!"  ohtice to this ad-mirable work of art," served Colley Cibber. And they all
drawled the traitor.                looked, and, having looked, wagged
"I will!" said' Mr. Snarl;, and their heads in assent, -as the fat,
placed himself before the picture.  white lords at Christie's waggle fifty
"What on earth will he say?" pounds more out for a copy of Remthought Triplet.  " I can see by his brandt, a brown levitical Dutchman,
face, he has found us out."         visible in the pitch-dark by some
Mr. Snarl delivered a short critique. sleight of sun Newton had not wit to
Mr. Snarl's intelligence was not con- discover.
fined to his phrases; all critics use in-   Soaper dissented from the mass.
telligent phrases and philosophical   " But, my dear Snarl, if there are
truths. But this gentleman's manner no shades, there are lights, loads of
was very intelligent; it was pleasant, lights."
quiet, assured, and very convincing.   " There are," replied Snarl; " only
I-lad the reader or I been there, he they are impossible, that is all. You
would have carried us with him, as have, however," concluded he, with a
he did his hearers; and as his sue- manner slightly supercilious, "sue



76                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
ceeded in the mechanical parts; the swered a foe. Mrs. Woffington gave
hair and the dress are well, Mr. Trip- him an eloquent glance of encouragelet; but your Woffington is not a wo- ment.  He nodded his head in inman, nor nature."                  fantine exultation at what he had
They all nodded and waggled as- done.
sent; but this sagacious motion was   " Come, Soaper," said Mr. Snarl.
arrested as by an earthquake.        Mr. Soaper lingered one moment
The picture rang out, in the voice to say: " You shall always have my
of a clarion, an answer that outlived good word, Mr. Triplet."
the speaker: "She's a woman! for   "I will try-and  not deserve it,
she has taken four men in! She's Mr. Soaper," was the prompt reply.
nature! for a fluent dunce does n't   "Serve'em right," said Mr. Cibknow her when lie sees her!"      ber, as soon as the door had closed
Imagine the tableau!   It was upon them; "for a couple of serpents,
charming!  Such opening of eyes or rather oneboa-constrictor. Soaper
and mouths! Cibber fell by second slavers, for Snarl to crush. But we
nature into an attitude of the old were all a little too hard on Triplet'
comedy. And all were rooted where here; and, if he will accept my apolthey stood, with surprise and incip- ogy --
ient mortification, except- Quin, who    "Why, sir," said Triplet, half
slapped his knee, and took-the trick trembling, but driven on by looks
at its value.                      from  Mrs. Woffington, "' Cibber's
Peg Woffington slipped out of the Apology' is found to be a trifle wearigreen baize, and, coming round from  some."
the back of the late picture, stood in    " Confound  his  impertinence!"
person before them; while they looked cried the astounded laureate. " Come
alternately at her and at the hole in along, Jemmy."
the canvas. She then came at each   " 0 sir," said Quin, good-humoredof them in turn, more dracmatico.  ly, "we must give a joke and take a
" A pretty face, and not like Wof- joke. And when he paints.my porfington.  I owe you  two, Kate trait, - which he shall do -"
Clive."                              "The bear from Hockley Hole shall
" Who ever saw Peggy's real face? sit for the head! "
Look at it now if you can without   "Curse his impudence!" roared
blushing, Mr. Quin."               Quin. " I'm  at your service, Mr.
Quin, a good-humored fellow, took  Cibber," added he, in huge dudgeon.
the wisest view of his predicament, and   Away went the two old boys.
burst into a hearty laugh.           "lighty well! "said waspish Mrs.
"For all this," said Mr Snarl, Clive. "I did intend you should have
peevishly, "I maintain, upon the un- painted Mrs. Clive. But after this
alterable principles of art -"   At impertinence -"
this they all burst into a roar, not   "You will continue to do it yoursorry to shift the ridicule. " Goths! " self, ma'am! "
cried Snarl, fiercely. " Good morn-   This was Triplet's hour of triumph.
ing, ladies and gentlemen," cried Mr. His exultation was undignified, and
Snarl, avec intention, "I have a criti- such as is said to precede a fall. I-I
cism to write of last night's perform- inquired gravely of Mrs. WVoffington,
ance."  The laugh died away to a whether he had or had not shown a
quaver. " I shall sit on your pictures spirit. Whether he had or had not
one day, Mr. Brush."               fired into each a parting shot, as they
" Don't sit on them with your head sheered off. To repair which, it might
downwards, or you'l11 addle them," be advisable for them  to put into
said Mr. Brush, fiercely. This was friendly ports.
the first time Triplet had ever an-   "Tremendous!" was the reply.




PEG WOFFINGTON.                          77
"And when Snarl and Soaper sit   " Go on," said Mrs. Woffington, enon your next play, they won't for- couraging him with a deceitful smile.
get the lesson you have given them." " Tell me all you told her."
"I'11 be sworn they won't!"   " That you were sitting to me for
chuckled Triplet. But, reconsidering your portrait, the destination of which
her words, he looked blank, and was not doubtful. That I lived at 10,
muttered: " Then perhaps it would Hercules Buildings."
have been more prudent to let them    " You told that lady all this  "
alone I"                             "I give my honor.  She was so
" Incalculably more prudent! " was kind, I opened my heart to her. But
the reply.                        tell me now, madam," said Triplet,
" Then why did you set me on, joyously dancing round the Woffingmadam?" said Triplet, reproachful- ton volcano, " do you know this
ly.                               charming lady?"
"Because  I wanted amusement,   "Yes."
and my head ached," was the cool an-   "I congratulate you, madam. An
swer, somewhat languidly given.   acquaintance worthy even of you; and
"I defy the coxcombs!"  cried there are not many such. Who is she,
Triplet, with reviving spirit. "But madam?" continued Triplet, lively
real criticism I respect, honor, and with curiosity.
bow to. Such as yours, madam; or   "Mrs. Vane," was the quiet, grim
such as that sweet lady's at MAr. Vane's answer.
would have been; or, in fact, any-   "Mrs. Vane? His mother? Nobody's who appreciates me. O mad- am  I mad? His sister! 0, I see,
am, I wanted to ask you, was it not his -"
strange your not being at Mr.Vane's,   "His wife!"
after all, to-day? "                 " His wife! Why, then Mr. Vane's
" I was at Mr. Vane's, Triplet."   married? "
" You were? Why, I came with my   "Yes."
verses, and she said you were not   "0, look there! — 0, look here now!
there! I will go fetch the verses."    Well, but, good Heavens! she was n't
"No, no! Who said I was not to know you were there, perhaps?"
there? "                            " Ngo.)
" Did I not tell you? The charm-   "But then I let the cat out of the
ing young lady who helped me with bag? "
her own hand to everything on the   "Yes."
table.  What wine that gentleman    "But, good gracious! there will be
possesses! "                      some serious mischief! "
" Was it a young lady, Triplet?"    "No doubt of it."
" Not more than two-and-twenty,   "And it is all my fault  "
I should say."                       " Yes."
"In a travelling-dress  "          " I've played the deuce with their
"I could not see her dress, madam, married happiness?"
for her beauty, -brown hair, blue   "Probably."
eyes, charming in conversation -"    "And ten to one if you are not
"Ah.! What did she tell you'? "   incensed against me too? "
" She told me, madam - Ahem! "   Mrs. Woffington replied by looking
"Well, what did you tell her? And him in the face, and turning her back
what did she answer?"            upon him. She walked hastily to the
" I told her that I came with verses window, threw it open, and looked out
for you, ordered  by  Mr. Vane. of it, leaving poor Triplet to very
That he admired you. I descanted, unpleasant reflections.  She was so
madam, on your virtues, which had angry with him she dared not trust
made him your slave."             herself to speak.




78                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
"Just my luck," thought hle.  "I These men applaud us, cajole us,
had a patron and a benefcetress; I swear to us, flatter us; and yet, forhave betraved them both."  Sudden- sooth, we would have them respect us
ly an idea struck him.  " Madam,"  too."
said he, timorously, " see what these    " My dear benefactress," said Tripfine gentlemen are! What business let, "they are not worthy of you."
had he, with a wife at home, to come   "I thonght this man was not all
and fall in love with you? I do it for- dross; from the first I never felt his
ever in my plays -I am  obliged —  passion an insult.  0  Triplet!  I
they would be so dull else; but in real could have loved this man, - really
life to do it is abominable."       loved him! and I longed so to be
"You forget, sir," replied  Mrs. good.  0 God! 0 God!"
Woffington, without moving, " that I   "Thank  Heaven, you don't love
am an actress, - a plaything for the him!" cried Triplet, hastily. " Thank
impertinence  of puppies  and  the Heaven for that!"
treachery of hypocrites.  Fool! to    "Love him?  Love a man who
think there was an honest man in the comes to me with a silly second-hand
world, and that he had shone on me! " affection from his insipid baby-face,
With these words she turned, and  and offers me half, or tivo thirds, or a
Triplet was shocked to see the change third  of his worthless  heart?   I
in her face.  She was pale, and her hate him!  and her! - and all the
black, lowering brows were gloomy world!"
and terrible.  She walked like a ti-   " That is what I call a very proper
gress to and fro, and Triplet dared feeling," said poor Triplet, with a
not speak to her: indeed she seemed weak attempt to soothe her.  " Then
but half conscious of his presence. He break with him at once, and all will
went for nobody with her. How lit- be well."
tle we know the people we eat and    "Break with him? Are you mad 3
go to church and flirt with! Triplet No! Since be plays with the tools of
had imagined this creature an incar- my trade I shall fool him worse than
nation of gayety, a sportive being, the he has me. I will feed his passion
daughter of smiles, the bride of mirth; full, tempt him, torture him, play
needed but a look at her now to see with him, as the angler plays a fish
that her heart was a volcano, her upon his hook. And, when his very
bosom a boiling gulf of fiery lava. life depends on me, then by degrees
She walked like some wild creature; he shall see me cool, and cool, and
she flung her hands up to heaven with freeze into bitter aversion.  Then he
a passionate despair, before which the shall.rue the hour he fought with the
feeble spirit of her companion shrank  Devil against my soul, and played
and cowered; and, with quivering lips false with  a brain and heart like
and blazing eyes, she burst into a tor- mine  "
rent of passionate bitterness.        "But his poor wife?  You will
"But whois Margaret Woffington," have pity on her? "
she cried, "that she should pretend    "His wife! Are wives' hearts the
to honest love, or feel insulted by the only hearts that throb, and burn, and
proffer of a stolen regard? And what break?  His wife must defend herhave we to do with homes,or hearts,or self. It is not from me that mercy
firesides? Have we not the playhouse, can come to her, nor from her to me.
its paste diamonds, its paste feelings, I loathe her, and I shall not Iorget
and the loud applause of fops and that you took her part.  Only, if you
sots - hearts? - beneath loads  of are her friend, take my advice, don't
tinsel and paint? Nonsense! The you assist her. I shall defeat her
love that can go with souls to heav- without that. Let her fight her battle,
en, - such love for us? Nonsense! and I mine."




PEG WOFFINGTON.                           79
C'Ah, madam! she cannot fight; "All the better for me," added she,
she is a dove."                     with a world of female malignity.
"You are a fool! WVhat do you    Triplet could  not make  head
know about women?  You were with agcainst this blow; he gasped, and
her five mlinutes,; and she turned you pointed piteously to the inner door.
inside out. My life on it, whilst I "No; I will know two things: the
have been fooling my time here, she course she means to take, and the
is in the field, with all the arts of terms you two are upon."
our sex, simplicity at the head of   By this time Mrs. Vane's light
them."                             foot was heard on the stair, and TripTriplet was making a futile endeav- let sank into a chair. " They will
or to convert her to his view of her tear one another to pieces," said
rival, when a knock saddenly came he.
to his door. A slovenly girl, one of   A tap came to the door.
his own neighbors, brought him a bit   He looked fearfully round for the
of paper, with a line written in pen- woman whom jealousy had so speedicil.                               ly turned from an angel to a fiend;
"'T is from a lady, who waits be- and saw with dismay that she had
low," said the girl.               actually had the hardihood to slip
Mrs. Woffington went again to the round and enter the picture again.
window, and there she saw. getting  She had not quite arranged herself
out of a coach, and attended by James when her rival knocked.
Burdock, Mabel Vane, who had sent   Triplet dragged himself to the door.
tip her name on the bac1& of an old Before he opened it, he looked fearletter.                            fully over his shoulder, and received
"What shall I do?" said Triplet, a glance of cool, bitter, deadly hostilas soon as he recovered the first ity, that boded ill both for him  and
stunning effects of this contretemps. lhis visitor. Triplet's apprehensions
To his astonishment, Mrs. Woffing- were not unreasonable. His benefacton bade the girl show the lady up tress and this sweet lady were rivals!
stairs. The girl went down on this   Jealousy is a dreadful passion, it
errand.                            makes us tigers. The jealous always
"But you are here," remonstrated thirst for blood.  At any moment
Triplet. " 0, to be sure, you can go when reason is a little weaker than
into the other room. There is plenty usual, they are ready to kill the thing
of time to avoid her," sid Triplet, they hate, or the the ing they love.
in a very natural tremor. "'This   Any open collision between these
way, madam! "                     lldies would scatter ill consequences
Mrs. Woffington stood in the mid- all round. Under such circumstandie of the room like a statue.     ces, we are pretty sure to say or do
"What does she come here for? " sometllino wicked, silly, or unreasonsaid she, sternly. "You have not able.  But what tortured  Triplet
told me all."                      more than anything was his own
"I don't know," cried poor Triplet, particular notion that fate' doomed
in dismay; "and I think the Devil him  to witness a formal encounter
brings her here to confound mle. For between these two women, and of
l eaven's sake, retire! Whati will be- course an encounter of such a nature
come of us all? There will be mur- as we in our day illustrate by " Kilder, I know there will! "         kienny cats."
To his horror, Mrs. Woffington   To be sure Mrs. Vane had appeared
would not move. " You are on her a dove, but doves can peck on certain
side," said she, slowvly, with a concel- occasions, and no doubt she had a
tration of spite and suspicion. She spirit at bottom. Her coming to him
looked  frightful at this moment. proved it. And had not the other




80                       PEG  WOFFINGTON.
been a dove all the morning and after- so she had come to him, for she had
noon? Yet jealousy had turned her no other friend to aid her in her sore
to a fiend before his eyes. Then if distress."  She might have added,
(which was not probable) no collision that with the tact of her sex she had
took place, what a situation was his! read. Triplet to the bottom, and came
Mrs. Woffington, (his buckler from  to him, as she would to a benevolent,
starvation) suspected him, and would muscular old woman.
distort every word that came from    Triplet's natural impulse was to
Mrs. Vane's lips.                  repeat most warmly his offers of serTriplet's situation was, in fact, that vice. He did so; and then, conscious
of IAneas in the storm.            of the picture, had a misgiving.
isse  ab"Dear Mr. Triplet," began Mrs.
" Oim et hc meminisse juvahit  "    Vane," you know this person, Mrs.
" But, while present, such things don't
please any one a bit."        Woffilgton  "
"Yes, madam," replied Triplet,
It was the sort of situation we can lowering his eyes, "I am honored by
laugh at, and see the fun of it six her acquaintance."
months after, if not shipwrecked on it   " You will take me to the theatre
at the time.                       where she acts?"
With a ghastly smile the poor quak-   "Yes, madam: to the boxes, I preing hypocrite welcomed Mrs. Vane, sume? "
and professed a world of innocent de-   "No! 0 no! How could I bear
light that she had so honored his that? To the place where the actors
humble roof.                       and actresses are."
She interrupted his compliments,   Triplet demurred. This would be
and begged him to see whether she courting that very collision, the dread
was followed by a gentleman in a of which even now oppressed him.
cloak.                               At the first faint sign of resistance
Triplet looked out of the window.  she began to supplicate him, as if he
" Sir Charles Pomander! " gasped was some great, stern tyrant.
he.                                  " 0, you must not, you cannot reSir Charles was at the very door. fuse me. You do not know what I
If, however, he had intended to mount risk to obtain this. I have risen from
the stairs he changed his mind, for he my bed to come to you. I have a fire
suddenly went off round the corner here!"  She pressed her hand to her
with a business-like air, real or ficti- brow. " O, take me to her! "
tious.                                "Madam, I will do anything for
"He is gone, madam," said Trip-. you. But be advised; trust to my
let.                               knowledge of human nature. What
Mrs. Vane, the better to escape de- you require is madness.  Gracious
tection or observation, wore a thick Heavens! you two are rivals, and
mantle and a hood, that concealed when rivals meet there's murder or
her features. Of these Triplet debar- deadly mischief."
rassed her.                          " Ah! if you knew my sorrow, you
"Sit down, madam "; and he hastily would not thwart me. 0 Mr. Tripdrew a chair so that her back was to let! little did I think you were as
the picture.                       cruel as the rest."  So then this cruel
She was pale, and trembled a little. monster whimpered out that he should
She hid her face in her hands a mo- do any folly  she  insisted  upon.
ment, then, recovering her courage, " Good, kind Mr. Triplet!" said Mrs.
"she begged Mr. Triplet to pardon  Vane. ";Let me look in your face?
her for coming to him. He had in- Yes, I see you are honest and true.
spired her with confidence," she said; I will tell you all."  Then she poured
"he had offered her his services, and in his ear her simple tale, unadorned




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                           81
and touching as Judah's speech to writer. Did youeverreadthe'Rival
Joseph.  She told him how she loved  Queens' "
her husband; how lie had loved her;   "No."
how happy they were for the first six    "I thought not. Well, madam,
months; how her heart sank when one stabs the other, and the one that
he left her; how he had promised she is stabbed says things to the other
should join him, and on that hope that are more biting than steel. The
she lived. "But for two months he prudent course for you is to keep
had ceased to speak of this, and I apart, and be always cheerful, and
grew heart-sick waiting for the sum- welcome him with a smile - and -
mons that never came. At last I felt have you read' The Way to keep
I should die if I did not see him; so I him'  "
plucked up courage and wrote that I   "No, Mr. Triplet," said  Mabel,
must come to him. He did not forbid  firlmly, "I cannot feign. Were I to
me, so I left our country home.  O  attempt talent and deceit, I should
sir! I cannot make you know how  be weaker than I am now. Honesty
my heart burned to be by his side. I and right are all my strength. I will
counted the hours of the journey; I cry to her for justice and mercy. Anti
counted the miles. At last I reached if I cry in vain, I shall die, Mr. Triphis house; I found a gay company let, that is all."
there. I was a little sorry, but I said:   " Don't cry, dear lady," said Trip-'His friends shall be welcome, right let, in a broken voice.
welcome. He has asked them to wel-   "It is impossible! " cried she, sudcome his wife.'"                    denly.  "I am not learned, but I can
"Poor thing! " muttered Triplet.  read faces. I always could, and so
"0  Mr. Triplet! they were there could my Aunt Deborah before me.
to do honor to -, and the wife I read you right, Mr. Triplet, and I
was neither expected nor desired. have read her too. Did not my heart
There lay my letters with their seals warm  to her amongst them  all?
unbroken. I know all his letters by  There is a heart at the bottom of all
heart, Mr. Triplet. The seals un- her acting, and that heart is good and
broken —unbroken! Mr. Triplet."  noble."
"It is abominable!" cried Triplet,   " She is, madam! she is! and
fiercely.                           charitable too. I know a family she
"And she -who sat in my seat - in  saved from  starvation and despair.
his house, and in his heart - was this 0 yes! she has a heart - to feel for
lady, the actress you so praised to the poor at all events."
me 2 "                                " And am I not the poorest of the
"That lady, ma'am," said Trip- poor?" cried Mrs. Vane. "I have
let, "has been deceived as well as no father nor mother, Mr. Triplet;
you."                               my husband is all I have in the world,
"I am convinced of it," said Ma- - all I had, I mean."
bel.                                  Triplet, deeply  affected  himself,
"-And it is my painful duty to tell stole a look  at Mrs. Woffington.
you, madam, that, with all her talents She was pale; but her face was comand sweetness, she has a fiery temper; posed into a sort of dogged obstinacy.
yes, a very fiery temper," continued He was disgusted with her.  "MadTIriplet, stoutly, though with an un- am," said he, sternly, " there is a wild
easy glance in a certain direction; beast more cruel and savage than
" and I have reason to believe she is wolves and bears; it is called'a
angry, and thinks more of her own iival,' and don't you get in its way."
ill-usage than yours. Don't you go    At this moment, in spite of Tripnear her. Trust to my knowledge let's precaution, Mrs. Vane, casting
of the sex, madam; I amn a dramatic her eye accidentally round, caught
4 




82                      PEG WOFFINGTON.,sight of the picture, and instantly kiss your feet, and Heaven above will
started up, crying, " She is there! " bless you; and I will bless you and
Triplet was thunder-struck. " What pray for you to my dying clay. Ah I
a likeness!" cried she, and moved it is alive! I am frightened! I am
towards the supposed picture.      frightened! "  She ran to Triplet and
"Don't go to it! " cried Triplet, seized his arm. "No!" cried she,
aghast; " the color is wet."       quivering close to him; "I'm not
She stopped; but her eye and her frightened, for it was for me she —
very soul dwelt upon the supposed O Mrs. Woffington! "and, hiding her
picture; and Triplet stood quaking. face on Mr. Triplet's shoulder, she
"How  like! It seems to breathe. blushed, and wept, and trembled.
You are a great painter, sir. A glass   What was it had betrayed Mrs.
is not truer."                     Woffington? A tear!
Triplet, hardly knowing what he   During the whole of this interview
said, muttered something about " crit- (which had taken a turn so unlooked
ics and lights and shades."        for by the listener)she might have
" Then they are blind!" cried Ma- said with Beatrice, " What fire is in
bel, never for a moment removing her mine ears?" and what self-reproach
eye from the object. "Tell me not and chill misgiving in her heart too.
of lights and shades. The pictures She had passed through a hundred
I see have a look of paint; but yours emotions, as the young innocent wife
looks like life.  O  that she were told her sad and simple story. But,
here, as this wonderfil image of hers anxious now above all things to esis. I would speak to her. I am not cape without being recognized, - for
wise or learned; but orators never she had long repented havinglistened
pleaded as I would plead to her for at all, or placed herself in her present
my Ernest's heart."  Still her eye position,- she fiercely mastered her
glanced upon the picture; and I sup- countenance; but, though she ruled
pose her heart realized an actual her features, she could not rule her
presence, though her judgment did heart. And when the young wife,
not; for by some irresistible impulse instead of inveighing against her,
she sank slowly down and stretched came to her as a supplicant, with
her clasped hands towards it, while faith in her goodness, and sobbed to
sobs and words seemed to break direct her for pity, a big tear rolled down
from her bursting heart.  "0 yes! her cheek, and proved her something
you are beautiful, you are gifted, and more than a picture or an actress.
the eyes of thousands wait upon your   Mrs. Vane, as we have related,
very word and look. What wonder screamed and ran to Triplet.
that he, ardent, refined, and genial,   Mrs. Woffington came instantly
should lay his heart at your feet? from  her frame, and stood before
And I have nothing but my love to them in a despairing attitude, with
make him love me. I cannot take one hand upon her brow. For a sinhim  from  you. 0, be generous to gle moment her impulse was to fly
the weak! O, give him back to me! from the apartment, so ashamed was
What is one heart more to you? she of having listened, and of meeting
You are so rich, and I am so poor, her rival in this way; but she conthat without his love I have nothing, quered this feeling, and, as soon as
and can do nothing but sit me down she saw Mrs. Vane too had recovered
and cry till my heart breaks. Give some composure, she said to Triplet,
him  back to me, beautiful, terrible in a low but firm voice: -
woman! for, with all your gifts, you   "Leave us, sir. No living creature
cannot love him  as his poor Mabel must hear what I say to this lady! "
dclos; and I will love you longer   Triplet remonstrated, but Mrs.
perhaps than men can love. I will Vane said, faintly:



PEG WOFFINGTON.                          83
"0 yes, good Mr. Triplet, I would heart, but won my respect, were to
rather you left me."               say to me,'Do so,' I should do it."
Triplet, full of misgivings, was Again she paused, and spoke with
obliged to retire.                 difficulty; for the bitter struggle took
"Be composed, ladies," said he, away her breath. "Mr. Vane thinks
piteously.  " Neither of you could better of me than I deserve. I have
help it"; and so he entered his inner - only - to make him believe me -
room, where he sat and listened ner- — worthless -  worse than I am —
vously, for he could not shake off all and he will drop me like an adder -
apprehension of a personal encounter. and love you better, far better- for
In the room he had left there was having known - admired -and dea long, uneasy silence. Both ladies spised Margaret Woffington."
were greatly embarrassed.  It was   "Oh!" cried Mabel, "I shall bless
the actress who spoke first.  All you every hour of my life."  Her
trace of emotion, except a certain pal- countenance brightened into rapture
lor, was driven from her face. She at the picture, and Mrs. Woffington's
spoke with very marked courtesy, but darkened with  bitterness  as she
in tones that seemed to freeze as they watched her.
dropped one by one from her mouth.   But Mabel reflected. "Rob you of
"I trust, madam, you will do me your good name?"  said this pure
the justice to believe I did not know  creature.  "Ah, Mabel Vane! you
Mr. Vane was married? "           think but of yourself."
"I am sure of it!" said Mabel,   "I thank you, madam," said Mrs.
warmly. "I feel you are as good as Woffington, a little touched by this
you are gifted."                   unexpected  trait; "but some one
"Mrs. Vane, I am not! " said the must suffer here, and -"
other, almost sternly. " You are de-   Mabel  Vane  interrupted  her.
ceived! "                        " This would be cruel and base," said
"Then Heaven have mercy on me! she, firmly. " No woman's forehead
No! I am not deceived, you pitied shall be soiled by me. O  madam!
me. You speak coldly now; but I beauty is admired, talent is adored;
know your face and your heart, - you but virtue is a woman's crown. With
pity me! "                       it, the poor are rich; without it, the
"I do respect, admire, and pity rich are poor.  It walks through lifb
you," said Mrs. Woflington, sadly; upright, and never hides its head for
"and I could consent nevermore to high or low."
communicate with your- with Mr.   Her face was as the face of an anVane."                            gel now; and the actress, conquered
" Ah! "cried Mabel; "Heaven will by her beauty and her goodness, actbless you! But will you give me nally bowed her head and gently
back his heart? "                kissed the hand of the country wife
" How can I do that? " said Mrs. whom she had quizzed a few hours
Woffington, uneasily; she had not ago.
bargained for this.                 Frailty paid this homage to virtue!
"The magnet can repel as well as   Mabel Vane hardly noticed it; her
attract.  Can you not break your eye was lifted to heaven, and her
own spell? What will his presence heart was gone there for help in a sore
be to me, if his heart remain be- struggle.
hind? "                             " This would be to assassinate you 
"You ask much of me."           no less.  And so, madam," she
"Alas! I do."                  sighed, " with God's help, I do refuse
"But I could do even this."  She your offer; choosing rather, if needs
paused for breath. " And perhaps if be, to live desolate, but innocent, -
you, who have not only touched my many a better than I hath lived so, -




84                      PEG  WOFFINGTON.
ay! if God wills it, to die, with my fore Mrs. Vane's arms were wreathed
hlopes and my heart crushed, but my round her neck, and that innocent
hands unstained; for so my humble cheek laid sweetly to hers.
life has passed."                    Mrs. Woffington strained her to
How  beautiful, great, and  pure her bosom, and two great hearts,
goodness is! It paints heaven on whose grandeur the world, worshipthe fice that has it; it wakens the per of charlatans, never discovered,
sleeping souls that meet it.       had found each other out and beat
At the bottom of Margaret Wof- against each other. A great heart is
fington's heart lay a soul, unknown  as quick to find another out as the
to the world, scarce known to herself, world is slow.
— a heavenly harp, on which ill airs   Mrs. Woffington burst into a pasof passion had been played, - but sion of tears and clasped Mabel tightstill it was there, in tune with all that er and tighter, in a half-despairing
is true, pure, really great and good. way. Mabel mistook the cause, but
And now the flush that a great heart she kissed her tears away.
sends to the brow, to herald great ac-   "Dl)ear sister," said she, "be comtions, came to her cheek and brow.   forted.  I  love  you.  My  heart
"Humble! " she cried. "Such as warmed to you the first moment I
you are the diamonds of our race. saw you. A woman's love and gratiYou angel of truth and goodness, you tude are something. Ah! you will
have conquered!"                  never find me change. This is for
"0 yes! yes! Thank God, yes!" life, look you.'.'
"What a fiend I must be could I   " God grant it!" cried the other
injure you! The poor heart we have poor woman. "O, it is not that, it is
both overrated shall be yours again, not that; it is because I am so little
and yours forever. In my hands it worthy of this. It is a sin to deceive
is painted glass; in the lustre of a love you. I am not good like you. You
like yours it may become a priceless do not know me  "
jewel."  She turned her head away  "ITYou do not know yourself if you
and pondered a moment, then sud- say so!" cried Mabel; and to her
denly offered to Mrs. Vane her hand hearer the words seemed to come from
with nobleness and majesty; "Can heaven. "I read faces," said Mabel.
you trust me?"   The actress too "I read yours at sight, and you are
was divinely beautiful now, for her what I set you down; and nobody
good angel shone through her.      must breathe a word against you, not
"I could trust you with my life! " even yourself. Do you think I am
was the reply.                     blind? You are beautiful, you are
"Ah! if I might call you friend, good, you are my sister, and I love
dear lady, what would I not do -  you!"
suffer —resign —to be worthy that   "Heaven forgive me! " thought
title! "                           the other. "How can I resign this
" No, not friend! " cried the warm, angel's good opinion? Surely Heavinnocent Mabel; "sister! I will call en sends this llessed dew to my
you sister. I have no sister."     parched heart!" And now sheburned
"Sister!" said Mrs. Woffington. to make good her promise, and earn
"0, do not mock me! Alas! you do this virtuous wife's love. She folded
not know what you say. That sa- her once more in her arms, and then,
cred- name to me, from lips so pure taking her by the hantd,lecl her tenderly
as yours; Mrs. Vane," said  she, into'Iriplet's inner room. She made
timidly, "would you think me pre- her lie down on the bed, and placed
sumptuous if I begged you to- to pillows high for her like a mother,
let me kiss you?"                 and leaned over her as she lay, and
The words were scarce spoken be- pressed her lips gently to her fore



PEG WOFFINGTON.                           85
head. Ier fertile brain had already she knew, must have been fictitious.
digested a plan, but she had resolved " You will find him round the corner,"
that this pure and candid soul should said she, "or in some shop that looks
take no lessons of deceit.  "Lie this way."  Whilst uttering these
there," said she, "till I open the door, words she had put on Mrs. Vane's
and then join us.  Do you know  hood and mantle.
what I am goifig to do? I am not   No answer was returned, and no.
going to restore you your husband's Triplet went out of the door.
heart, but to show you it never really   She turned, and there he was
left you. You read faces; well, I kneeling on both knees close under
read circumstances. Matters are not her.
as you thought," said she, with all a   " Bid me jump out of that window,
woman's tact.  "I cannot explain, madam; bid me kill those two genbut you will see."  She then gave tlemen, and I will not rebel. You are
Mrs. Triplet peremptory orders not a great lady, a talented lady; you
to let her charge rise from the bed have been insulted, and no doubt
until the preconcerted signal.     blood will flow.  It ought,-it is
Mrs. Vane was, in fact, so exhaust- your due; but that innocent lady, do
ed by all she had gone through, that not compromise her  "
she was in no condition to resist.   "0 Mr. Triplet, you need not kneel
She cast a look of childlike confi- to me. I do not wish to force you to
dence upon her rival, and then closed render me a service. I have no right
her eyes, and tried not to tremble all to dictate to you."
over and listen like a frightened hare.   " 0 dear! " cried Triplet, " don't
talk in that way. I owe you my life,
but I think of your own peace of
It is one great characteristic of mind, for you are not one to be hapgenius to do great things with little py if' you injure the innocent! "  He
things.  Paxton could see that so rose suddenly, and cried: "Madam,
small a matter as a green-house could promise me not to stir till I come
be dilated into a crystal palace, and back! "
with two common materials — glass   " Where are you going?"
and iron - he raised the palace of the   " To bring the husband to his wife's
genii; the brightest idea and the feet, and so save one angel from denoblest ornament added to Europe in spair, and another angel from a great
this century, - the koh-i-noor of the crime."
west. Livy's definition of Archimedes   " Well, I suppose you are wiser
goes on the same ground.          than I," said she. " But, if you are
in earnest, you had better be quick,
for somehow I am rather changeable
Peg Woffington was a genius in about these people."
her way. On entering Triplet's stu-   "You can't help that, madam, it is
dio her eye fell upon three trifles, -  your sex; you are an angel. May I
Mrs. Vane's hood and mantle, the be permitted to kiss your hand? you
back of an old letter, and Mr. Triplet. are all goodness and gentleness at
(It will be seen how she worked these bottom. I fly to Mr. Vane, and we
slight materials.)  On the letter was will be back before you have time to
written, in pencil, simply these two repent, and give the Devil the upper
words, "Mabel Vane." Mrs. Woffing- hand again, my dear, good, sweet
ton wrote above these words two more, lady!"
"Alone and unprotected."  She put   Away flew Triplet, all unconscious
this into Mr. Triplet's hand, and bade that he was not Mrs. Woffington's
him take it down stairs and give it opponent, but puppet. He ran, he
Sir Charles Pomander, whose retreat, tore, animated by a good action, and




86                      PEG  WOFFINGTON.
spurred by the notion that he was in band is the only man in London who
direct competition with the fiend for does not see through her. How dif~the possession of his benefactress.    ferent are you! Even I, who have
He had no sooner turned the cor- no taste for actresses, found myself
ner, than Mrs. Woffington, lookingy revived,  refreshed, ameliorated, by
out of the window, observed Sir that engaging picture of innocence
Charles Pomander on the watch, as and virtue you drew this morning;
she had expected. She remained at yourself the bright and central figure.
the window with Mrs. Vane's hood Ah, dear angel!  I remember all
on, until Sir Charles's eye in its wan- your favorites, and envy them  their
derings lighted on her, and then, place in your recollections.  Your
dropping Mrs. Vane's letter from the Barbary mare -
window, she hastily withdrew.        " Hen, sir! "
Sir Charles eagerly picked it up.   " Of course I meant hen; and Gray
His eye brightened when he read the Gillian, his old nurse-"
short contents. With a self-satisfied   " No, no, no! she is the mare, sir.
smile he mounted the stair.  He He! he! he!"
found in Triplet's house a lady who   "So she is. And Dame-Dame-"
seemed startled at her late hardihood.   "Best! "
She sat with her back to the door,   "Ah! I knew it. You see how I
her hood drawn tightly down, and remember them all. And all carry
wore an air of trembling conscious- me back to those innocent days which
ness. Sir Charles smiled again. He fleet too soon,- days when an angel
knew the sex, at least he said so. (It like you might have weaned me from
is an assertion often ventured upon.) the wicked pleasures of the town, to
Accordingly Sir Charles determined the placid delights of a rural existto come down from his height, and ence!"
court nature and innocence in their   "Alas, sir!"
own tones. This he rightly judged   "You sigh. It is not yet too late.
must be the proper course to take I am a convert to you; I swear it on
with Mrs. Vane. lie fell down with this white hand.  Ah! how can I
mock ardor upon one knee.          relinquish it, pretty fluttering prisonThe supposed Mrs. Vane gave a er? "
little squeak.                       " 0 sir, please -"
" Dear Mrs. Vane," cried he, " be   "Stay awhile."
not alarmed; loveliness neglected, and   "No! please, sir — "
simplicity deceived, insure respect as   " While I fetter thee with a worthy
well as adoration. Ah!" (A sigh.)  manacle."   Sir Charles slipped a
"0, get up, sir; do, please. Ah!" diamond ring of great value upon
(A sigh.)                          his pretty prisoner.
"You sigh, sweetest of human    "La, sir, how pretty!" cried increatures. Ah! why did not a na- nocence.
ture like yours fall into hands that   Sir Charles then undertook to prove
would have cherished it as it de- that the lustre of the ring was faint,
serves?  Had Heaven bestowed on compared with that of the present
me this hand, which I take -"      wearer's eyes. This did not suit in"0, please, sir -"               nocence; she hung her head and
"With  the profoundest respect, fluttered, and showed a bashful rewould I have abandoned such a treas- pugnance to look her admirer in the
nre for an actress? —a Woffington! face.  Sir Charles playfully insist*as artificial and hollow a jade as ever ed, and Mrs. Woffington was beginwinked at a side box!"            ning to be a little at a loss, when sud"Is she, sir? "                 denly voices were heard upon the
"Notorious, madam.  Your hus- stairs.




PEG WOFFIKGTON.                          87
"lMiy husband!" cried the false   "Gentlemen, gentlemen! how can
Mrs. Vane, and in a moment she I do both?" remonstrated Triplet.
rose, and darted into Triplet's inner   "Enough, sir! " cried Pomander.
apartment.                         "It is a lady's secret.  I am  the
Mr. Vane and Mr. Triplet were guardian of that lady's honor."
talking earnestly as they came up the   "She has chosen a strange guarstair. It seems the wise Triplet had dian of her honor! " said Vane, bitprepared a little dramatic scene for terly.
his own refreshment, as well as for the   " Gentlemen! " cried poor Tripultimate benefit of all parties. He let, who did not at all like the turn
had persuaded Mr. Vane to accom- things were taking, " I give you my
pany him by warm, mysterious prom- word, she does not even know of Sir
ises of a happy denouement; and Charles's presence here! "
now, having conducted that gentle-   "Who?" cried Vane, furiously.
man as far as his door, he was heard "Man alive! who are you speaking
to say:-                          of?"
"And now, sir, you shall see one   " Mrs. Vane!"
who waits to forget grief, suspicion,   "My wife! "cried Vane, trembling
- all, in your arms. Behold! " and with anger and jealousy. " She here!
here he flung the door open.      and with this man 2 "
" The devil!"                    "No!" cried Triplet.   " With
" You flatter me! " said Pomander, me, with me!  Not with him, of
who had had time to recover his course."
aplomb, somewhat shaken, at first, by   "Boaster!" cried Vane, contemptMr. Vane's inopportune arrival.   uously. " But that is a part of your
Now it is to be observed that Mr. profession! "
Vane had not long ago seen his wife   Pomander,  irritated,  scornfully
lying on her bed, to all appearance drew from his pocket the ladies' joint
incapable of motion.              production, which had fallen at his
Mr. Vane, before Triplet could re- feet from  Mrs. Woffington's hand.
cover his surprise, inquired of Po- He presented this to Mr Vane, who
mander why he had sent for him. took it very uneasily; a mist swam
" And what," added he, "is the grief, before his eyes as he read the words:
suspicion, I am, according to Mr. "Alone and  unprotected, - Mabel
Triplet, to forget in your arms?"  Vane."   He had no sooner read
Mr. Vane added this last sentence these words, than he found he loved
in rather a testy manner.         his wife; when he tampered with his
"Why, the fact is -" began Sir treasure, he did not calculate on
Charles, without the remotest idea of another seeking it.
what the fact was going to be.       This was Pomander's  hour of
" That Sir Charles Pomander-" triumph! He proceeded coolly to exinterrupted Triplet.               plain to Mr. Vane, that, Mrs. Wof"But Mr. Triplet is going to ex- fington having deserted him for Mr.
plain," said Sir Charles, keenly.  Vane, and Mr. Vane his wife for
" Nay, sir; be yours the pleasing Mrs. Woffington, the bereaved parduty. But, now I think of it," re- ties had, according to custom, agreed
sumed Triplet, "why not tell the to console each other.
simple truth? it is not a play! She   This soothing little speech was inI brought you here to see was not Sir terrupted by Mr. Vane's sword flashCharles Pomander; but-"           ing suddenly out of its sheath; while
"I forbid you to complete the that gentleman, white with rage and
name! " cried Pomander.          jealousy, bade him instantly take to
"I command you to complete the his guard, or be run through the body
name!" cried Vane.               like some noxious animal.




88                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
Sir Charles drew his sword, and, and that an actress had seen in it a
in spite of Triplet's weak interfer- fit companion for her own, and had feence, half a dozen passes were rapidly loniously appropriated it. She came
exchanged, when suddenly the door to me to inquire after it."
of the inner room  opened, and a la-   "But this letter, signed by you?  "
dy in a hood pronounced, in a voice said Vane, still addressing Mabel.
which was an excellent imitation of   "-Was written by me on a paper
Mrs. Vane's, the word, "False! "    which  accidentally  contained Mrs.
The  combatants  lowered  their Vane's name. The fact is, Mr. Vane,
points.                            - I can hardly look you in the face,
" You hear, sir!" cried Triplet.   — I had a little wager with Sir
" You see, sir! " said Pomander.   Charles here; his diamond ring -
"Mabel! - wife! "cried Mr. Vane, which you may see has become my
in agony. " O, say this is not-true! diamond ring "- a horrible wry face
0, say that letter is a forgery! Say, from Sir Charles -" against my left
at least, it was by some treachery glove, that I could bewitch a country
you were lured to this den of iniquity! gentleman's imagination, and make
0, speak!"                        him think me an angel. UnfortunateThe lady silently beckoned to some ly the owner of his heart appeared,
person inside. -                   and, like poor Mr. Vane, took our
" You know I loved you! -you play for earnest. It became necessaknow how bitterly I repent the infat- ry to disabuse her and to open your
nation that brought me to the feet of eyes. Have I done so? "
another! "                          " You have, madam," said Vane,'The lady replied not, though Vane's wincing at each word she said. But
soul appeared to hang upon her an- at last, by a mighty effort, he masswer. But she threw the door open tered himself, and, coming to Mrs.
and there appeared another lady, the Woffington with a quivering lip, he
real Mrs. Vane!  Mrs. Woffington held out his hand suddenly in a very
then threw off her hood, and, to Sir manly way. " I have been the dupe
Charles Pomander's con sternation, re- of my own vanity," said he, " and I
vealed the features of that ingenious thank you for this lesson."  Poor
person, who seemed born to outwit Mrs. Woffington's fortitude had wellhim.                               nigh left her at this.
" You heard that fervent declara-   "Mabel," he cried, "is this humilition, madam? " said she to Mrs. ation any punishment for my folly?
Vane. "I present to you, madam, any guaranty for my repentance?
a gentleman who regrets that he mis- Can you forgive me?"
took the real direction of his feelings.   "It is all forgiven, Ernest. But
And to you, sir," continued she, with 0, you are mistaken."  She glided to
great dignity, " I present a lady who Mrs. Woffington.  " What do we not
will never mistake either her feelings owe you, sister?" whispered she.
or her duty."                        "Nothing! that word pays all,"
" Ernest! dear Ernest! " cried Mrs. was the reply. She then slipped her
Vane, blushing as if she was the cul- address into Mrs. Vane's hand, and,
prit. And she came forward all love courtesying to all the company, she
and tenderness.                    hastily left the room.
I-Ier truant husband kneeled at her   Sir Charles Pomander followed;
feet of course. No! he said, rather but he was not quick enough: she
sternly, "How came you here, Ma- got a start, and purposely avoided
bel? "                             him, and for three days neither the
"Mrs. Vane," said the actress, public nor private friends saw  this
"fancied you had mislaid that weath- poor woman's face.
ercock, your heart, in Covent Garden,   Mr. and Mrs. Vane prepared to go




PEG WOFFINGTON.                          89
also; but Mrs. Vane would thank those who change their minds. "It
good Mr. Triplet and Mrs. Triplet is for life, dear sister; it is for life,"
for their kindness to her.         cried she.
Triplet the benevolent blushed, was   " Swear this to me," said the other,
confused and delighted; but sudden- almost sternly. "But no. I have
ly, turning somewhat sorrowful, he more confidence in that candid face
said: "Mr. Vane, madam, made use and pure nature than in a human beof anll expression which caused a mo- ing's oath. If-you are happy, rememmentary pang. He called this a den ber you owe me something. If you
of iniquity. Now this is my studio! are unhappy, come to me, and I will
But never mind."                  love you as men cannot love."
Mr. Vane asked his pardon for so   Then vows passed between them,
absurd an error, and the pair left for a singular tie bound these two
Triplet in all the enjoyment which women; and then the actress showed
does come now and then to an honest a part at least of her sore heart to her
man, whether this dirty little world new sister; and that sister was surwill or not.                       prised and grieved, and pitied her truA coach was called and they went ly and deeply, and they wept on each
home to Bloomsbury.  ]Few words other's neck; and at last they were
were said; but the repentant husband fain to part. They parted; and true
often silently pressed this angel to it was, they never met again in this
his bosom, and the tears which found world. They parted in sorrow; but
their way to her beautiful eyelashes when they meet again, it shall be with
were tears of joy.                 joy.
This weakish, and consequently    Women are generally such faithless,
villanous, though not ill-disposed per- unscrupulous, and pitiless humbugs
son would have gone down to Wil- in their dealings with their own sex,
loughby that night; but his wife had - which, whatever they may say,
great good sense.  She would not they despise at heart, —that I am
take her husband off, like a school- happy to be able to say, Mrs. Vane
boy caught out of bounds.   She proved true as steel.  She was a
begged him to stay while she made noble - minded, simple - minded creacertain purchases; but, for all that, ture; she was also a constant creaher heart burned to be at home. So ture. Constancy is a rare, a beautiful,
in less than a week after the events we a godlike virtue.
have related they left London.       Four times every year she wrote a
Meantime, every day Mrs. Vane long letter to Mrs. Woffington; and
paid a quiet visit to Mrs. Woffington twice a year, in the cold weather, she
(for some days the actress admitted sent her a hamper of country delicano other visitor), and was with her cies, that would have victualled a
but two hours before she left London. small garrison. And when her sister
On that occasion she found her very left this earthly scene,- a humble,
sad.,                             pious, long - repentant Christian," I shall never see you again in this Mrs. Vane wore mourning for her, and
world," said she; " but I beg of you to sorrowed over her; but not as those
write to me, that my mind may be in who cannot hope to meet again.
contact with yours."
She then asked Mabel, in her halfsorrowful, half-bitter way, how many   My story as a work of art -good,
months it would be ere she was for- bad, or indifferent - ends with that
gotten.                           last sentence. If a reader accompaMabel answered by quietly crying. nies me further, I shall feel flattered,
So then they embraced; and Mabel and he does so at his own risk.
assured her friend she was not one of   My reader knows that all this befell




90                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
long ago. That Woffington is gay, calamity the rest of us grumbling esand Triplet sad, no more. That Ma- cape.
bel's, and all the bright eyes of that   But it did so happen that the audiday, have long been dim, and all its ence were of the actress's mind, and
cunning voices hushed. Judge then found the words too exuberant, and
whether I am  one of those happy the business of the play too scanty in
story-tellers who can end with a wed- proportion.  At last their patience
ding. No! this story must wind up, was so sorely tried that they supplied
as yours and mine must - to-morrow  one striking incident to a piece defior to - morrow - or to - morrow! cient in facts. They gave the manager
when our little sand is run.       the usual broad hint, and in the midSir Charles Pomander lived a man dle of Triplet's third act a huge veil
of pleasure until sixty. He then be- of green baize descended upon " The
ca!ne a man of pain; he dragged the Jealous Spaniard."
chain about eight years, and died   Failing here, Mrs. Woffington conmiserably.                         trived often to befriend him  in his
Mr. Cibber not so much died as other arts, and moreover she often
"slipped his wind," - a nautical ex- sent Mr. Triplet what she called a
pression, that conveys the idea of an snuginvestment, a loan of ten pounds,
easy exit. He went off quiet and to be repaid at Doomsday, with ingenteel.  He was past eighty, and terest and compound interest, accordhad lived fast. His servant called ing to the Scriptures; and, although
him at seven in the morning.  "I she laughed, she secretly believed she
will shave at eight," said Mr. Cibber. was to get her ten pounds  back,
John brought the hot water at eight; double and treble. And I believe so
but his master had taken advantage too.
of this interval in his toilet to die!   Some years later Mrs. Triplet be- to avoid shaving?               came eventful. She fell ill, and lay a
Snarl and Soaper conducted the dying; but one fine morning, after all
criticism of their day with credit and hope had been given up, she suddenly
respectability until a good old age, rose and dressed herself. She was
and died placidly a natural death, like quite well in body now, but insane.
twaddle, sweet or sour.              She continued in this state a month,
The Triplets, while their patroness and then by God's mercy she recovered
lived, did pretty well. She got a her reason; but now the disease fell
tragedy of his accepted at her theatre. another step, and lighted upon her
She made him send her a copy, and temper, - a more athletic vixen was
with her scissors cut out about half; not to be found. She had spoiled
sometimes thinning, sometimes cut- Triplet for this by being too taume,
ting bodily away. But; lo! the in- so when the dispensation came they
herent vanity of Mr. Triplet came out sparred daily. They were now thorstroug. Submissively, but obstinately, oughly unhappy. They were poor
he fought for the discarded beauties. as ever, and their benefactress was
Unluckily, he did this one day that dead, and they had learned to snap.
his patroness was in one of her bitter A  speculative tour had taken this
humors. So she instantly gave him  pair to Bristol, then the second city
back his manuscript, with a sweet in England. They sojourned in the
smile owned herself inferior in judg- suburbs.
ment to him, and left him unmolested.   One morning the postman brought
Triplet breathed freely; a weight a letter for Triplet, who was showing
was taken off him. The savage steel his landlord's boy how to plant on(he applied this title to the actress's ions. (N. B. Triplet had never plantscissors) had spared hlis purpurei panni. ed an onion, but he was one of your
He was played, pure and intact, a a priori gentlemen, and could show




PEG  WOFFINGTON.                          91
anybody how to do anything.)  Trip- Cat and Brown F'rogs,' after dinner',
let held out his hand for the letter, when you shall receive your half
but the postman held out his hand crown, and drink another upon the
for half a crown first.  Trip's profes- occasion of my sudden accession to
sion had transpired, and his clothes unbounded affluence."
inspired diffidence.  Triplet appealed   The postman was staggered by tlle
to his good feeling.               sentence, and overawed by the note,
He replied with exultation, " That and chose the " Cat and }Frogs," andi
he had none left."  (A middle-aged liquid half-crown.
postman, no doubt.)                  Triplet took his wife down the road
Triplet then suddenly started from  and showed her the letter and encloentreaty to King Cambyses' vein. sure. The letter ran thus:In vain!                             SIR:
Mrs. Triplet came down, and es-   "We heg respectfully to inform
sayed the blandishments of the softer you that our late friend and client,
sex. In vaina! And, as tloereawehe    James Triplet, Merchant, of the Mi~~dowyen the road.stmac mal-ehed onories, died last August, without a
will, and that you are his heir.
Mrs. Triplet glided after him like wi, and that operty  are his heito  ou
ion Triplet,'"His property amounts to about
an assassin, beckoning        twenty  thousand  pounds, besides
who followed, doubtful of her designs. tos                   po
11   some reversions.  Having possessed
Suddenly (truth compels me to relate the confidence of your late uncle, we
this) she seized the obdurate official should feel honored and gratified if
from behind, pinned both his arms to you should think us worthy to act
his side, and with hdr nose furiously professionally for yourself.
telegralphed her husband.            "We enclose twenty pounds, and
He, animated by  her example,  beg you will draw upon us as far as
plunged upon the man and tore the five thousand pounds, should you
letter from his hand, and opened it have immediate occasion.
before his eyes.                              " We are, sir,
It happened to be a very windy            "Your humble servants
morning, and when he opened the          "JAMES AND JOHN ALLITT.
letter an enclosure, printed on much
finer paper, was caught into the air.   It was some time  before these
and went down the wind. Triplet children of misfortune could realize
followed in kangaroo leaps, like a this enormous stroke of compensadancer making a flying exit.       tion; but at last it worked its way
The postman cried on all good cit- into their spirits, and they began to
izens for help.  Some collected and sing, to triumph, and dance upon the
laughed at him;  Mrs. Triplet ex- king's highway.
plaining that they were poor, and.  Mrs. Triplet was the first to pause,
could not pay half a crown for the and take better views. " 0 James!"
freight of half an ounce of paper. she cried, "we have suffered much!
She held himl convulsively until Trip- we have been poor, but honest, and
let reappeared.                    the Almighty has looked upon us at
That gentleman on his return was last!"
ostentatiously calm  and dignified.   Then they began to reproach them"You are, or were, in perturbation selves.
about half a  crown,"  said  he.   " 0 James! I have been a peevish
"There, sir, is a twenty-pound note, woman, - an ill wife to you, this
oblige me with nineteen pounds seven- many years!"
teen shillings and sixpence. Should   "No, no! " cried Triplet, with tears
your resources be unequal to such a in his eyes. " It is I who have been
demand, meet me at the' Green rough and brutal. Poverty tried us




92                      PEG WOFFINGTON.
too hard; but we were not like the rest Woffington, said the old man. And
of them, - we were always faithful to Abington's voice is thin, Wotfington's
the altar. And the Almighty has was sweet and mellow. When Jorseen us, though we often doubted it." dan rose, with her voice of honey,
"I never doubted that, James."    her dewy freshness, and her heavenly
So then the poor things fell on laugh, that melted in along with her
their knees upon the public road, and words, like the gold in the quartz,
thanked God. If any man had seen Triplet was obliged to own her the
them, he would have said they were goddess of beautiful gayety; but still
mad.  Yet madder things are done he had the last word: " Woffingtot
every day by gentlemen with faces as was all she is, except her figure.
grave as the parish bull's. And then Woffington was a Hebe; your Nell
they rose, and formed their little plans. Jordan is little better than a dowdy."
Triplet was for devoting four fifths   Triplet almost reached the present
to charity, and living like a prince on century.  He passed through great
the remainder.  But Mrs. Triplet events, but they did not excite him;
thought the poor were entitled to no his eye was upon the arts. When
more than two thirds, and they them- Napoleon drew his conquering sword
selves ought to bask in a third, to on England, Triplet's remark was:
make up for what they had gone " Now we shall be driven upon native
through; and then  suddenly she talent, thank Heaven! " The storms
sighed, and burst into tears.  "Lucy! of Europe shook not Triplet. The
Lucy! " sobbed she.               fact is, nothing that happened on the
Yes, reader, God had taken little great stage of the world seemed real
Lucy! And her mother cried to to him. He believed in nothing, where
think all this wealth and comfort had there was no curtain visible. But
come too late for her darling child.   even the grotesque are not good in
"Do not cry. Lucy is richer, a vain. Many an eye was wet round
thousand times, than you are, with his dying bed, and many a tear fell
your twenty thousand pounds."      upon his grave. He made his final
Their good resolutions were car- exit in the year of grace 1799. And
ried out, for a wonder.  Triplet I, who laugh at him, would leave this
lived for years, the benefactor of all world to-day to be with him; for I
the loose fish that swim in and round am tossing at sea, -he is in port.
theatres; and, indeed, the unfortunate seldom appealed to him in vain.
He now predominated over the arts,   A  straightforward character like
instead of climbing them.  In his Mabel's becomes a firm character with
latter day, he became an oracle, as years. Long ere she was forty, her
far as the science of acting was con- hand gently bitt steadily ruled Wilcernedl; and, what is far more rare, loughby House, and all in it. She
he really got to know sometlhing about and Mr. Vane lived very happily; lihe
it. This was owing to two circum- gave her no fresh cause for uneasistances: first, he ceased to run blind- ness. Six months after their return,
fold in a groove behind the scenes; she told him  what burned in that
second, he became a frequenter of the honest heart of hers, the truth about
first row of the pit, and that is where Mrs. Woffington. The water rushed to
the whole critic, and two thirds of his eyes, but his heart was now wholthe true actor, is made.           ly his wife's; and gratitude to Mrs.
On one point, to his dying day, Woffington for her noble conduct
his feelings guided his judgment. was the only sentiment awakened.
He-never could see an actress equal   "You must repay her, dearest,"
to his WVoffington. Mrs. Abington said he. " I know you love her, and
was grace personified, but so was until to-day it gave me pain; now it




PEG WOFFINGTON                            93
gives me pleasure.  We owe her   This was the saddest part of her
much."                             history. But it is darkest just before
The happy, innocent life of Mabel sunrise.  She returned to London.
Vane is soon summed up. Frank as Not long after, it so happened that
the day, constant as the sun, pure as she went to a small church in the
the dew, she passed the golden years city one Sunday afternoon.  The
preparing herself and others for a preacher was such as we have often
still brighter eternity. At home, it heard; but not so this poor woman,
was she who warmed and cheered the in her day of sapless theology, ere
house, and the hearth, more than all John  Wesley waked  the snoring
the Christmas fires. Abroad, she church. Instead of sending a dry'
shone upon the poor like the sun. clatter of morality about their ears,
She led her beloved husband by the or evaporating the Bible in the thin
hand to Heaven.  She led her chil- generalities of the pulpit, this man
dren the same road; and she was drove God's truths home to the hearts
leading her grandchildren when the of men and women. In his hands
angel of death came for her; and she the divine virtues were thunderbolts,
slept in peace.                    not swans' down. With good sense,
Many remember her.  For she plain speaking, and a heart yearning
alone, of all our tale, lived in this for the souls of his brethren and his
present century; but they speak of sisters, he stormed the bosoms of
her as "old Madam  Vane," -her many; and this afternoon, as he reawhom we knew so young and fresh.   soned like Paul of righteousness,
She lies in Willoughby Church, -  temperance, and judgment to come,
her mortal part; her spirit is with sinners trembled, -  and Margaret
the spirits of our mothers and sisters, Woffington was of those who tremreader, that are gone before us; with bled.
the tender mothers, the chaste wives,   After this day, she came ever to
the loyal friends, and the just women the narrow  street where shone this
of all ages.                       house of God; and still new light
RESURGET.              burst upon her heart and conscience.
Here she learned why she was unI come to her last, who went first; happy; here she learned how alone
but I could not have stayed by the she could be happy; here she learned
others, when once I had laid my to know herself; and, the moment she
darling asleep. It seemed for a while knew herself, she abhorred herself, and
as if the events of our tale did her repented in dust and ashes.
harm; but it was not so in the end.  This strong and straightforward
Not many years afterwards, she character made no attempt to reconwas engaged by Mr. Sheridan, at a cile two things that an average Chrisvery heavy salary, and went to Dub- tian would have continued to reconlin.  Here the little girl, who had cile. Her interest fell in a moment
often carried a pitcher on her head before her new sense of right. She
down to the Liffey, and had played flung her profession from her like a
Polly Peachum in a booth, became a poisonous weed.
lion; dramatic, political, and literary,   Long before this, Mrs. Vane had
and the centre of the wit of that wit- begged her to leave the stage. She
tiest of cities.                   had replied, that it was to her what
But the Dublin ladies and she did wine is to weak stomachs. " But,"
not coalesce. They said she was a added she, "do not fear that I will
naughty woman, and not fit for them  ever crawl down hill, and unravel my
morally. She said they had but two own reputation; nor will I ever do
topics, "silks and scandal," and were as I have seen others, - stand groanunfit for her intellectually.      ing at the wing, to go on giggling,




941                      PEG  WOFFINGTON.
and come off gasping. No! the first   "But, my good soul," replied the
night the boards do not spring be- representative of Sir Harry Wildair,
neath my feet, and the pulse of the " you can't buy them. Nobody in
plublic beat under my hand, I am  this wretched town can knit worsted
gone! Next day, at rehearsal, instead hOse except Woffington."
of Woffington, a note will come, to    Conversions like this are open to
tell the manager that henceforth Wof- just suspicion, and some did not fail
fington is herself, - at Twickenham, to confound her with certain great
or Richmond, or Harrow-0n-the-Hill, sinners, who have turned austere selffar from his dust, his din, and his deceivers when sin smiled no more.
glare, —quiet, till God takes her: But this was mere conjecture.  The
amidst grass, and flowels, and chari- facts were clear, and speaking to the
table deeds."                       contrary.  This woman left folly at
This day had not come: it was in its brightest, and did not become austhe zenith of her charms and her fame tere: on the contrary, though she
that she went home one night after a laughed less, she was observed to
play, and never entered a theatre, by smile far oftener than before.  She
f'ront door or back door, again.  She was a humble and penitent, but cheerdeclined all leave-taking and cere- ful, hopeful Christian.
mony.                                 Another class of detractors took a
W' When a publican shuts up shop somewhat opposite ground: they acand ceases to diffuse liquid poison, cused her of bigotry for advising a
he does not invite the world to put young female friend against the stage
up the shutters; neither will I. Act- as a business. But let us hear herself.
ors overrate themselves ridiculously," This is what she said to the girl: —
added she; " I am not of that impor-   "At the bottom of my heart, I altance to the world, nor the world to ways loved and honored virtue. Yet
me. I fling away a dirty old glove the tendencies of the stage so cominstead of soiling my fingers filling it pletely overcame my good sentiments,
with more guineas, and the world that I was for years a worthless woloses in me, what? another old glove, man. It is a situation of uncommon
full of words; half of them idle, the and incessant temptation. Askyourrest wicked, untrue, silly, or impure. self, my child, whether there is nothRoulqissons, taisoms-nolts, et partolns."    ing else you can do, but this.  It is, I
She now  changed her residence, think, our duty and our wisdom to fly
and withdrew politely from her old temptation whenever we can, as it is
associates, courting two classes only, to resist it when we carnot escape it."
the good and the poor.  She had    Was this the tone of bigotry?
always supported her mother and sis-   Easy  in  fortune, penitent, but
ter; but now charity became her sys- cheerful, Mrs. Woffington had now
tem.  The following is characteris- but one care,- to efface the memory
tic: -                              of her former self, and to give as many
A gentleman who had greatly ad- years to purity and piety as had gone
mired this dashing actress met one to folly and frailty.  This was not to
day, in. the suburbs, a lady in an old be!'The Almighty did not permit,
black silk gown and a gray shawl, or perhaps I should say, did not rewith a large basket on her arm.  She quire this.
showed him  its contents, - worsted    Some unpleasant symptoms had
stockings of prodigious thickness,-  long attracted her notice, but in the
which she was carrying to some of bustle of her profession had received
her proteges.                       little attention.  She was now per" But surely that is a waste of your suaded by her own medical attendant
valuable time," remonstrated her ad- to consult Dr. Bowdler, who had a
mirer. "Much better buy them."    great reputation, and had been years




PEG WOFFINGTON.
ago an acquaintance and an admirer.   But she soon ceased to repine.  She
He visited her, he examined her by bowed to the will of Heaven, and set
means little used in that day, and he her house in order, and awaited her
saw at once that her days were num- summons.  The tranquillity of her
bered.                             life and her courageous spirit were
Dr. Bowdler's profession and ex- unfavorable to the progress of disperience had not steeled his heart as ease, and I am glad to say she was
they generally do and must do. He permitted to live nearly three years
could not tell her this sad news, so he after this, and these three years were
asked her for pen and paper, and said, the happiest period of her whole life.
I will write a prescription to Mr. Works of piety and love made the
-.  He then wrote, not a prescrip- days eventful.  She was at home
tion, but a few lines, begging Mr. now, - she had never been at home
- to convey the cruel intelligence in folly and loose living. All her bitby degrees, and with care and tender- terness was gone now, with its cause.
ness. " It is all we can do for her,"   Reader, it was with her as it is with
said he.                           many an autumn day: clouds darken
He looked so grave while writing the sun, rain and wind sweep over
the supposed prescription, that it un- all, - till day declines.  But then
luckily occurred to Mrs. Woffington comes one heavenly hour, when all ill
to look over him.  She stole archly things seem spent. There is no more
behind him, and, with a smile on her wind, no more rain. The great sun
face, - read her death-warrant.    comes forth, - not fiery bright indeed,
It was a cruel stroke! A gasping but full of tranquil glory, and warms
sigh broke from her.  At this Dr. the sky with ruby waves, and the
Bowdler looked up, and to-his horror hearts of men with hope, as, parting
saw the sweet face he had doomed to with us for a little space, he glides
the tomb looking earnestly and anx- slowly and peacefully to rest.
iously at him, and very pale and grave.   So fared it with this hnnumble, peniHe was shocked, and, strange to say, tent, and now happy Christian.
she, whose death-warrant he had   A part of her desire was given her.
signed, ran and brought him a glass She lived long enough to read a firm
of wine, for he was quite overcome. recantation of her former self, to show
Then she gave him her hand in her the world a great repentance, and to
own sweet way, and bade him  not leave upon indelible record one more
grieve for her, for she was not afraid proof, what alone is true wisdom, and
to die, and had long learned that " life where alone true joys are to be found.
is a walking shadow, a poor, poor play-   She endured some physical pain, as
er, who frets and struts his hour upon all must who die in their prime. But
the stage, and then is heard no more." this never wrung a sigh from her great
But no sooner was the doctor gone, heart; and within she had the peace of
than she wept bitterly.  Poor soul! God, which passes all understanding.
she had set her heart upon living as   I am not strong enough to follow
many years to God as she had to the her to her last hour; nor is it needed.
world, and she had hoped to wipe out Enough that her own words came
her former self.                   true. When the great summons came,
" Alas! " she said to her sister, "I it found her full of hope, and peace,
have done more harm than I can ever and joy; sojourning, not dwelling,
hope to do good now; and my long upon earth; far fiom dust and din
life of folly and wickedness will be re- and vice; the Bible in her hand, the
membered, - will be what they call Cross in her heart; quiet; amidst
famous; my short life of repentance grass, and flowers, and  charitable
who will know, or heed, or take to deeds.
profit?"                             "NON OMNEM MORITURAM."








CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
A NOVEL.








I DEDICATE
ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORK
TO
MY MOTHER
IC.R








CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE,
CHAPTER  I.               "Take a prima donna over," said
another.
VISCOUNT IPSDEN, aged twenty-   Well, the man took a prima donna
five, income eighteen thousand pounds over, which scolded its maid from the
per year, constitution equine, was un- Alps to Dover in the lingua Toscana
happy! This might surprise some without the bocca Romana, and sang
people; but there are certain blessings, in London without applause; because
the non-possession of which makes what goes down at La Scala does
more people discontented than their not generally go down at Il Teatro
possession renders happy.         della Regina, Haymarket.
Foremost among these are " Wealth   So then my Lord strolled into
and Rank": were I to add "Beauty " Russia; there he drove a pair of
to the list, such men and women as horses, one of whom  put his head
go by fact, not by conjecture, would down and did the work; the other
hardly contradict me.             pranced and capricoled alongside, all
The fortunate man is he who, born unconscious of the trace. He seemed
poor, or nobody, works gradually up happier than his working brother;
to wealth and consideration, and, hav- but the biped whose career correing got them, dies before he finds they sponded with this playful animal's
were not worth so much trouble.   was not happy!
Lord Ipsden started with nothing   At length an event occurred that
to win; and naturally lived for amuse- promised to play an adagio upon
ment. Now nothing is so sure to Lord Ipsden's mind. He fell in love
cease to please  as pleasure, -to with Lady Barbara Sinclair; and he
amuse, as amusement: unfortunately had no sooner done this than he felt,
for himself he could not at this period as we are all apt to do on similar
of his life warm to politics; so, hayv- occasions, how wise a thing he had
ing exhausted his London clique, he done!
rolled through the cities of Europe   Besides a lovely person, Lady Barin his carriage, and cruised its shores bara Sinclair had a character that he
in his yacht. But he was not hap- saw would make him; and, in fact,
py!                              ILady Barbara Sinclair was, to an inHe was a man of taste, and sipped experienced eye, the exact opposite
the arts and other knowledge, as he of Lord Ipsden.
sauntered Europe round.             Her mental pulse was as plethoric
But he was not happy.           as his was languid.
"What shall I do?"  said l'en-   She was as enthusiastic as he was
nuyd.                             cool.
" Distinguish yourself," said one.  She took a warm interest in every" How?"                        thing.
No immediate answer.              She believed that government is a




102                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
science, and one that goes with copia whose manner is quite free from the
verborum.                          affectation that soils nearly all French
She believed that, in England, actresses, - Mademoiselle Madeleine
government is administered, not by Brohan! When you see this young
a set of men whose salaries range lady play Mademoiselle La Seglibre,
from eighty to five hundred pounds a you see high-bred sensibility personyear, and whose names are never ified, and you see something like Laheard, but by the First Lord of the dy Barbara Sinclair.
Treasury, and other great men.       She was a connection of Lord IpsHence she inferred, that it matters den's, but they had not met fobr two
very much to all of us in whose hand years, when they encountered each
is the rudder of that state vessel which other in Paris just before the comgoes down the wind of public opin- mencement of this " Dramatic Story,"
ion, without veering, a point, let who "Novel" by courtesy.
will be at the helm.                 The month he spent in Paris, near
She also cared very much who was her, was a bright month to Lord Ipsthe new Bishop. Religion - if not den. A  by-stander would not hare
religion, theologyv-would be affected gathered, from his manner, that he
thereby.                           was warmly in love with this lady,
She was enthusiastic about poets; but, for all that, his Lordship was
imagined their verse to be some sort gradually uncoiling himself,and graceof clew to their characters, and so on. fully, quietly, basking in the rays of
She had other theories, which will Barbara Sinclair.
be indicated by and by; at present it   He was also just beginning to take
is enough to say that her mind was an interest in subjects of the day, -
young, healthy, somewhat original, ministries, flat paintings, controversial
full of fire and faith, and empty of novels, Cromwell's spotless integrity,
experience.                        &c., - why  not? They interested
Lord Ipsden loved her! it was easy her.
to love her.                         Suddenly the lady and her family
First, there was not, in the whole returned to England. Lord Ipsden,
range of her mind and body, one grain who was going to Rome, came to
of affectation of any sort.        England instead.
She was always, in point of fact,   She had not been five days in Lonunder the influence of some male don, before she made her preparations
mind or other, generally some writer. to spend six months in Perthshire.
What young woman is not, more or   This brought.matters to a climax.
less, a mirror? But she never imi-   Lord Ipsden proposed in form.
tated or affected; she was always   Lady Barbara was surprised; she
herself, by whomsoever colored.    had not viewed his graceful attentions
Then she was beautiful and elo- in that light at all. However, she
quent; much too high-bred to put a answered by letter his proposal which
restraint upon her natural manner, had been made by letter.
she was often more naive, and even   After a few of those courteous words
brusque, than your would-be aristo- a lady always bestows on a gentleman
crats dare to be; but what a charm- who has offered her the highest coming abruptness hers was!          pliment any man has it in his power
I do not excel in descriptions, and to offer any woman, she came to the
yet I want to give you some carnal point in the following characteristic
idea of a certain peculiarity and charm  manner:this lady possessed; permit me to call
a sister art to my aid.              " The man I marry must have two
There has lately stepped upon the things, virtues and vices, - you have
French stage a charming personage, neither: you do nothing, and never




CHRISTIE JOHINSTONE.                       103
will do anything but sketch and hum    " Now, if I was a young lord with
tunes, and dance and dangle: forget ~20,000 a year, and all the world at my
this folly the day after to-morrow, my feet, whatwouldmake me in this way  "
dear Ipsden, and, if I may ask a favor   "Why, the liver! Nothing else."
of one to whom I refuse that which    "And that is what is wrong with
would not be a kindness, be still good him, you may depend."
friends with her who will always be  This conclusion arrived at, Mr.
"Your affectionate Cousin,    Saunders coolly wrote his convictions
" BARBARA SINCLAIR."   to Dr. Aberford, and desired that gentleman's immediate attention to the
Soon after this effusion she vanished case. An hour or two later, he glided
into Perthshire, leaving her cousin into his lord's room, not without some
stunned by a blow which she thought secret trepidation, no trace of which
would be only a scratch to one of his appeared on his face. He pulled a
character.                         long histrionic countenance.  "My
Lord Ipsden relapsed into greater Lord," said he, in soft, melancholy
listlessness than before he had cher- tones, "your Lordship's melancholy
ished  these  crushed  hopes.  The state of health gives me great anxiety;
world now became really dark and and, with many apologies to your
blank to him. He was too languid to Lordship, the Doctor is sent for, my
go anywhere or do anything; a re- Lord."
publican might have compared the   "Why, Saunders, you are mad;
settled expression of his handsome, there is nothing the matter with me."
hopeless face with that of most day-   "I beg your Lordship's pardon,
laborers of the same age, and mod- your Lordship is very ill, and Dr.
erated his envy of the rich and titled. Aberford sent for."
At last he became so pale as well   "You may go, Saunders."
as languid, that Mr. Saunders inter-   "Yes, my Lord. I could n't help
fered.                             it; I've outstepped my duty, my
Saunders was a model valet and Lord, but I could not stand quiet and
factotum; who had been with his see your Lordship dying by inches."
master ever since he left Eton, and Here Mr. S. put a cambric handkerhad made himself necessary to him in chief artistically to his eyes, and glided
their journeys.                    out, having disarmed censure.
The said Saunders was really an   Lord Ipsden fell into a revery.
invaluable servant, and, with a world    "Is my mind or my body disorof obsequiousness, contrived to have dered?  Dr. Aberfoid! - absurd!his own way on most occasions. He Saunders is getting too pragmatical.
had, I believe, only one great weak- The Doctor shall prescribe for him inness, that of imagining a beau-ideal stead of me; by Jove, that would
of aristocracy and then outdoing it in serve him  right."  And my Lord
the person of John Saunders.       faintly chuckled. "No! this is what
Now this Saunders was human, and I am ill of," - and he read the fatal
could not be eight years with this note again. "I do nothing! - cruel,
young gentleman and not take some unjust," sighed he.  "I could have
little interest in him. He was flunky, done, would have done, anything to
and took a great interest in him, as please her. Do nothing i nobody does
stepping-stone to his own greatness. anything now, - things don't come
So when he saw him turning pale and in your way to be done as they used
thin, and reading one letter fifty centuries ago, or we should do them
times, he speculated and inquired just the same; it is their fault, not
what was the matter. He brought ours," argued his Lordship, somewhat
the intellect of Mr. Saunders to bear on confusedly; then, leaning his brow
the question at the following angle: -  upon the sofa, he wished to die: for,




104                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
at that dark moment, life seemed to    "By first inhaling, and then exhalthis fortunate man an aching void; a ing in the direction required, or how
weary, stale, flat, unprofitable tale; a can I make acquaintance with your
faded flower; a ball-room after day- bowels? "
light has crept in, and music, motion,   " My bowels?"
and beauty are fled away.            "The abdomen, and the greater
"Dr. Aberford, my Lord."         and lesser intestines.  Well, never
This announcement, made by Mr. mind, I can get at them another way;
Saunders, checked his Lordship's rev- give your heart a slap, so. - That's
ery.                               your liver. -And that's your dia"Insults everybody, does he not, phragm."
Saunders  "                          His Lordship having found the re"Yes, my Lord," said Saunders, quired spot (some people that I know
monotonously.                      could not) and slapped it, the Aber"Perhaps he will me; that might ford made a circular spring and lisamuse me," said the other.         tened eagerly at his shoulder-blade;
A moment later the Doctor bowled the result of this scientific pantomime
into the apartment, tugging at his seemed to be satisfactory, for he exgloves; as he ran.                 claimed, not to say bawled:The contrast between him and our   "Hallo! here is a Viscount as
poor rich friend is almost beyond sound as a roach! Now, young genhuman language.                    tleman," added he; "your organs
Here lay on a sofa Ipsden, one of are superb, yet you are really out of
the most distinguished young gentle- sorts; it follows you have the malamen in Europe: a creatureincapable, dies of idle minds, love, perhaps,
by nature, of a rugged tone or a coarse among. the rest; you blush, a diaggesture: a being without the slight- nostic of that disorder; make your
est apparent pretension, but refined mind easy, cutaneous disorders, such
beyond the wildest dream of dandies. as love, &c., shall never kill a patient
To him, enter Aberford, perspiring of mine with a stomach like yours:
and shouting. He was one of those so, now to cure you!"  And away
globules of human quicksilver one went the spherical Doctor, with his
sees now and then for two seconds; hands behind him, not up and down
they are, in fact, two globules; their the room, but slanting and tacking,
head is one, invariably bald, round, like a knight on a chess-board. He
and glittering: the body is another had not made many steps before,
in activity and shape, totus teres atpque turning  his upper globule, without
rotundus; and in fifty years they live affecting his lower, he hurled back,
five centuries.  Horum  Rex Aber- in a cold business-like tone, the folford, - of these our Doctor was the lowing interrogatory:chief. He had hardly torn off one   " What are your vices  "
glove, and rolled as far as the third   "Saunders," inquired the patient,
flower fiom  the door on his Lord- "which are my vices? "
ship's carpet, before he shouted:-   " M' Lord, Lordship  has n't any
"This is my patient, lolloping in vices," replied Saunders, with dull,
pursuit of health. - Your hand," matter-of-fact solemnity.
added he. For he was at the sofa   "Lady Barbara makes the same
long before his Lordship could glide complaint," thought Lord Ipsden.
off it.                              "It seems I have not any vices,
" Tongue. - Pulse  is good. -  Dr. Aberford," said he, demurely.
Breathe in my face."                  "That is bad; nothing to get hold
"Breathe in your face, sir! how  of. What interests you, then?
can I do that  " (with an air of mild   "I don't remember."
doubt.)                              "What amuses you "'




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       105
"I forget."                      ways, their minds, and, above all,
"What! no winning horse to gal- their troubles."
lop away your rents 2 "              "Won't all this bore me?" sug" No, sir! "                    gested the writer.
"No Opera Girl to run her fbot   "You will see. Relieve one fellowand ankle through your purse i"    creature every day, and let Mr. Saun" No, sir! and I think their ankles ders book the circumstances."
are not what they were."             "I shall like this part," said the pa" Stuff! just the same, from their tient, laying down his pen. "How
ankles up to their ears, and down clever of you to think of such things;
again to their morals; it is your eyes may not I do two sometimes  "
that are sunk deeper into your head.   "Certainly not; one pill per day. -
Hum! no horses, no vices, no dancers, Write, Fish the herring! (that beats
no yacht; you confound one's notions deer-stalking.)  Run your nose into
of nobility, and I ought to  know  adventures at sea; live on tetlpence,
them, for I have to patch them all up and earn it. Is it down? "
a bit just before they go to the deuce." |   "Yes, it is down, but Saunders
"But I have, Doctor Aberford."   would have written it better."
"What! "                           "If he had n't he ought to be
"A  yacht! and a clipper she is hanged," said the Aberford, inspecttoo."                              ing the work. " I'm off, where's my
" Ah! - (Now I've got him.)"    hat? oh, there, where's my money?
"In the Bay of Biscay she lay half oh, here. Now look here, follow my
a point nearer the wind than Lord prescription, and
Heavyjib."                           You will soon have Mens sana in corpore
"Oh! bother Lord IHeavyjib, and       sanoe
his Bay of Biscay.".       And not care whether the girls say yes or
"' With all my heart, they have of-   say no 
ten bothered me."                  neglect it, and -my gloves; oh, in
"Send her round to Granton Pier, my pocket —you will be blase and
in the Firth of Forth."            ennuzye; and (an English participle,
"I will, sir."                   that means something as bad); God
"And write down this prescription." bless you!"
And away he walked again, thinking ~  And out he scuttled, glided after by
the prescription.                  Saunders, for whom  he opened and
"Saunders," appealed his master.  shut the street door.
"Saunders be hanged."              Never was a greater effect produced
"Sir! " said Saunders, with dignity, by a doctor's visit; patient and physi"I thank you."                     cian were made for each other. l)r.
"Don't thank me, thank your own Aberford was the specific for Lord
deserts,'" replied the modern Chester- Ipsden. He came to him like a shower
field. " Oblige me by writing it your- to a fainting strawberry.
self, my Lord, it is all the bodily   Saunders, on his return, found his
exercise you will have had to-day, no Lord pacing the apartment.
doubt."                              "Saunders,"  said  he, smartly,
The young Viscount bowed, seated "send down to Gravesend, and orhimself at a desk, and wrote from dic- der the yacht to this place, - what is
tation: -                          it."
"Granton Pier. Yes, my Lord."
" DE. ABERFORD'S PRESCRIPTION.    "And, Saunders, take clothes, and
i        books, and violins, and telescopes, and
"Make acquaintance with all the things - and me - to Euston Square,
people of low estate who have time to in an hour."
be bothered with you; learn their   "Impossible, my Lord, cried Saun



106                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
ders, in dismay.  "And there is no once removed, but despised him for
train for hours."                   being  agreeable, handsome, clever,
His master replied with a hundred- and nobody.
pound note, and a quiet, but wiclkedish    She was also a little bitten with
look; and the prince of gentlemen's what she and others called the Middle
gentleman had all the required items Ages, in fact with that picture of them
with him, in a special train, within the which Grub Street, imposing on the
specified time, and away they flashed, simplicity of youth, had got up for
northwards.                          sale by arraying painted glass, gilt
-— 4 —-. Irags, and fancy, against fact.
With these vague and sketchy noCHAPTER II.               tices we are compelled to part, for the
present, with Lady Barbara: but it
IT is said that opposite characters serves her right; she has gone to esmake a union happiest; and perhaps tablish her court in Perthshire, and left
Lord Ipsden, diffident of himself, felt her rejected lover on our hands.
the value to him of a creature so dif-, Journeys of a few hundred miles are
ferent as Lady Barbara Sinclair; but no longer described.
the lady, for her part, was not so dif-   You exchange a dead chair for a livfident of herself, nor was she in search  ing chair, Saunders puts in your hand
of her opposite; on the contrary, she a new tale like this; you mourn the
was waiting patiently to find just such superstition of booksellers, which still
a man as she was, or fancied herself, a inflicts uncut leaves upon humanity,
woman.                               though tailors do not send home coats
Accustomed to measure men by with the sleeves stitched up, nor chamtheir characters alone, and to treat bermaids put travellers into apple-pie
with sublime contempt the accidents beds as well as damp sheets. You
of birth and fortune, she had been a rend and read, and are at Edinburgh,
little staggered by the assurance of this fatigued more or less, but not by the
butterfly that had proposed to settle journey.
upon her hand- for life.               Lord Ipsden was, therefore, soon
In a word, the beautiful writer of installed by the Firth side, full of the
the fatal. note was honestly romantic, Aberford.
according to the romance of 1848,   The young nobleman not only venand of good society; of course she erated the Doctor's sagacity, but half
was not affected by hair tumbling  admired his brusquerie and bustle;
back or plastered down forwards, and  things of which he was himself never
a rolling eye went no further with her guilty.
than a squinting one.                 As for the prescription, that was a
Her romance was stern, not sicklyv. Delphic Oracle. Worlds could not
She was on the lookout for iron vir- have tempted him to deviate from a
tues; she had sworn to be wooed letter in it.
with great deeds, or never won; on    He waited with impatience for the
this subject she had thought much, yacht; and, meantime, it struck him
though not,enough to ask herself  that the first part of the prescription
whether great deeds are always to be could be attacked at once.
got at, however disposed a lover may   It was the afternoon of the day sucbe. -                               ceeding his arrival.  The Fifeshire
No matter; she kept herself in re- hills, seen across the Firth from his
serve for some earnest man, who was windows, were beginning to take their
not to come flattering and fooling to charming violet tinge, a light breeze
her, but look another way and do ex- ruffled the blue water into a sparkling
ploits.                             smile, the shore was tranquil, and the
She liked Lord Ipsden, her cousin sea full of noiseless life, with the craft




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         107
of all sizes gliding and dancing and women than he had ever opened a
conrtesying on their trackless roads.  door to in the whole course of his perThe air was tepid, pure, and sweet fumed existence,
as heaven; this bright afternoon, Na-   On their heads they wore caps of
ture had grudged nothing that could Dutch  or Flemish origin, with a
give fresh life and hope to such dwell- broad lace border, stiffened and arched
ers in dust and smoke and vice as over the forehead, about three inches
were there to look awhile on her high, leaving the brow and cheeks
clean face and drink her honeyed  unencumbered.
breath.                               They had cotton jackets, bright red
This young gentleman was not in- and yellow, mixed in patterns, consensible to the beauty of the scene. fined at the waist by the apron-strings,
He was a little lazy by nature, and  but bobtailed below the waist; short
made lazier by the misfortune of woollen petticoats, with broad vertical
wealth, but he had sensibilities; he stripes, red and white, most vivid in
was an artist of great natural talent; color; white worsted stockings, and
had he only been without a penny, neat, though  high-quartered shoes.
how he would have handled the brush! Under their jackets they wore a thick
And then he was a mighty sailor; spotted cotton  handkerchief, about
if he had sailed for biscuit a few  one inch of which was visible round
years, how he would have handled a the lower part of the throat.
ship!                                Of their petticoats, the outer one
As he was, he had the eye of a was kilted, or gathered up tovards
hawk for Nature's beauties, and the the front, and the second, of the same
sea always came back to him like a color, hung in the usual way.
friend after an absence.              Of these young women, one had an
This scene, then, curled round his olive complexion, with the red blood
heart a little, and he felt the good mantling under it, and black hair,
physician was wiser than the tribe and glorious black eyebrows.
that go by that name, and strive to    The other was fair, with a massive
build health on the sandy foundation  but shapely throat, as white as milk;
of drugs..    glossy brown hair, the loose threads
"Saunders! do you know  what of which glittered like gold, and a
Dr. Aberford means by the lower blue eye, which, being contrasted with
classes? "                          dark eyebrows and lashes, took the
"Perfectly, my Lord."             luminous effect peculiar to that rare
"Are there any about here? "     beauty.
"I am sorry to say they are every-   Their short petticoats revealed a
where, my Lord."                    neat ankle, and a leg with a noble
"Get me some "-(cigarette).       swell; for Nature, when she is in
Out went Saunders, with his usual earnest, builds beauty on the ideas of
graceful empressement, but an internal ancient sculptors and poets, not of
shrug of his shoulders.             modern poetasters, who, with their
He was absent an hour and a half; airy-like sylphs and their smoke-like
he then returned with a double expres- verses, fight for want of flesh in wosion on his face, - pride at his success man and want of fact in poetry as
in diving to the very bottom  of soci- parallel beauties.
ety, and contempt of what he had    They are, my lads. - Continuez!
fished up thence.                     These women had a grand corpoHe approached his Lord mysterious- real trait; they had never known a
ly, and said, sotto voce, but impres- corset! so  they  were straight as
sively, " This is low  enough, my javelins; they could lift their hands
Lord." Then glided back, and ushered above their heads! - actually! Their
in, with polite disdain, two lovelier supple persons moved as Nature in



108                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
tended; every gesture was ease, grace, muckle to laern. Are ye for herrin'
and freedom.                        the day, Vile Count? "
VWhat with their own radiance, and    "No! are you for this sort of
the snowy cleanliness and brightness thing? "
of their costume, they came like me-   At this, Saunders, with a world of
teors into the apartment.           empresseinent, offered the Carnie some
Lord Ipsden, rising gently from his cake that was on the table.
seat, with the same quiet politeness   She took a piece, instantly spat it
with which he would have received out into her hand, and with more entwo  princes  of the  blood, said, ergy than delicacy flung it into the
"How  do you do?" and smiled a fire.
welcome.                              " Augh!" cried she, "just a sugar
"Fine! hoow's yoursel? " answered and saut butter the-ither; buy nae
the dark lass, whose name was Jean  mair at yon shoep, Vile Count."
Carnie, and whose voice was not so    "Try this, out of Nature's shop,"
sweet as her face.                  laughed their entertainer;  and he
" What'n lord are ye i?" continued offered them, himself, some peaches
she; "are you a juke? I wad like and things.
fine to hae a crack wi' a juke."       " Hech! a medi-cine!" said ChrisSaunders, who knew himself the tie.
cause of this question, replied, sotto   "Nature, my lad," said Miss Carvoce, " His Lordship is a viscount."   nie, making her ivory teeth meet in
"I didna ken't," was Jean's re- their first nectarine, "I didna ken
mark. " But it has a bonny soond." whaur ye stoep, but ye beat the other
" What mair would ye hae? " said confectioners, that div ye."
the fair beauty, whose  name was   The fair lass, who had watched
Christie Johnstone. Then, appealing the Viscount all this time as demureto his Lordship as the likeliest to ly as a cat cream, now approached
know, she added, "Nobeelity is just him.
a soond itsel, I'm tauld."            This young woman was the thinkThe Viscount, finding himself ex- er; her voice was also rich, full, and
pected to say something on a topic he melodious, and her manner very enhad not attended much to, answered gaging; it was half advancing, half
dryly: "We must ask the republi- retiring, not easy to resist or to decans, they are the people that give scribe.
their minds to such subjects."        "Noo," said she, with a very slight
"And yon man," asked Jean Car- blush stealing across her face, " ye
nie, " is he a lord, too 2 "        maun let me catecheeze ye, wull ye? "
" I am his Lordship's servant," re-   The last two words were said in a
plied Saunders, graiely, not without way that would have induced a bear
a secret misgiving whether fate had to reveal his winter residence.
been just.                            He smiled assent.  Saunders re"Na! " replied she, not to be im- tired to the door, and, excluding every
posed upon, " ye are statelier and shade of curiosity from his face, took
prooder than this ane."             an attitude, half majesty, half obsequi"I will explain," said his master. ousness.
"Saunders knows his value; a ser-   Christie stood byLord Ipsden, with
vant like Saunders is rarer than an one hand on her hip (the knuckles
idle viscount."                     downwards), but graceful as Anti"My Lord, my Lord! " remonstrat- nous, and began.
ed Saunders, with a shocked and most   " Hoo muckle is the Queen greater
disclamatory tone. " Rather!" was than y' are?"
his inward reflection.                His Lordship was obliged to reflect.
"Jean," said  Christie, "ye  hae   "Let me see, - as is the moon to




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       109
a wax taper, so is her Majesty the   "Eh! that's no fair," said ChrisQueen to you and me, and the rest."  tie, "as sure as deeth."
"An' whaur does the Juke * come   "My ancestor dashed forward, and,
in g "                             as the king's sword passed through
"On this particular occasion, the one of them, he clove another to the
Duket makes one of us, my pretty waist with a blow."
maid."                               "Weel done! weel done!"
"I see! Are na ye awfu' prood   Lord Ipsden looked at the speaker,
o' being a Lorrd?"                her eyes were  glittering, and  her
" What an idea!"                cheek flushing.
" His Lordship did not go to bed a   "Good Heavens!"  thought he;
spinning-jenny, and rise up a lord, "she believes it!"  So he began to
like some of them," put in Saunders. take more pains with his legend.
"Saunders," said the peer, doubt-   " But for the spearsman," confully, "eloquence rather bores peo- tinued he, "he had nothing but his
pie."                              body; he gave it, it was his duty, and
"Then I mustn't speak again, my received the death levelled  at his
Lord," said Saunders, respectfully.   sovereign."
"Noo," said the fair inquisitor,   "Hech! puir mon."  And the
"ye shall tell me how ye came to be glowing eyes began to glisten.
Lorrds, your faemily  "              "The battle flowed another way,
"Saunders! "                    and God gave victory to the right;
"Na! ye mauna flee to Sandy for but the king came back to look for
a thing, ye are no a bairn, are ye  "  him, for it was no common service."
Here was a dilemma, the Saunders   "Deed no a"
prop knocked  rudely  away, and   Here Lord Ipsden began to turn
obliged to think for ourselves.    his eye inwards, and call up the
But Saunders would come to his scene. He oIwered his voice.
distressed master's assistance.  He   " They found  him  lying on his
furtively conveyed to him  a plump back, looking death in the face.
book, - this was Saunders's manual   "The nobles, by the King's side,
of faith; the author was Mr. Burke, uncovered as soon as he was found,
not Edmund.                        for they were brave men, too. There
Lord Ipsden ran hastily over the was a moment's silence; eyes met
page, closed  the book, and said, eyes, and said, this is a stout soldier's
" Here is the story.               last battle.
"Five hundred years ago-"          "The King  could not bid him
Listen, Jean," said   Christie; live."
"we're gatun to get a boeny story.   "Na! lad, King Deeth has ower'Five hundre' years ago,'"  added strong a grrip."
she, with interest and awe.          "' But he did what Kings can do,
"Was a great battle," resumed the he gave him two blows with his royal
narrator, in cheerful tones, as one sword."
larking with  history, "between a   "0, the robber, and him a deeing
Kinc of England and his rebels. He mon."
was in the thick of the fight -"     " Two words from his royal mouth,
" That's the King, Jean, he was in and he and we were Barons of Ipsden
the thick o't."                    and Hawthorn Glen from that day to
"My ancestor killed a fellow who this."
was sneaking behind him, but the   "But the puir dying creature? "
next monment a man-at-arms prepared    "What poor dying creature  "
a thrust at his majesty, who had his   "Your Forbear, lad."
hands full with three assailants."   " I don't know why you call him
* Buccleuch.     t Wellington.    poor, madam; all the men of that




110                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
day are dust; they are the gold dust - " Ay, will I, - ay, will I; I'm  aye
who died with honor.               seeking knoewledge."
"He looked round, uneasily, for   " Well, it is soon told. One of us
his son, - for he had but one, - and sat twenty years on one seat, in the
when that son knelt, unwounded, by same house, so one day he got up a
him, he said,'Good night, Baron — Viscount."
Ipsden'; and so he died, fire in his   "Ower muckle pay for ower little
eye, a smile on his lip, and honor on wark."
his name forever. I meant to tell   " Now don't say that; I would n't
you a lie, and I've told you the do it to be Emperor of Russia."
truth."                              "Aweel, I hae gotten a heap out o'
" Laddie," said Christie, half ad- ye; sae noow I'11 gang, since ye are
miringly, half reproachfully, " ye gar no for herrin'; come away, Jean."
the tear come in my een. Hech! look   At this their host remonstrated,
at yon lassie! how could you think and inquired why bores are at one's
t' eat plums through siccan a bonny service night and day, and bright peostory? "                          ple are always in a hurry; he was in" Hets," answered Jean, who had, formed in reply, " Labor is the lot o'
in fact, cleared the plate, " I aye lis- man. Div ye no ken that muckle?
ten best when my ain mooth's stap- And abune a' o' women."*
pit."                                " Why, what can two such pretty
" But see, now," pondered Chris- creatures have to do except to be adtie, " twa words fra a King, - thir mired?"
titles are just breeth."             This question coming within the
" Of course," was the answer. "All dark beauty's scope, she hastened to
titles are. What is popularity? ask reply.
Aristides and Lamartine: the breath    "To sell our- herrin', - we hae
of a mob, - smells of its source, -  three hundre' left in the creel."
and is gone before the sun can set on    " What is the price  "
it. Now the royal breath does smell   At this question the poetry died
of the Rose and Crown, and stays by out of Christie Johnstone's face, she:us from age to age."              gave her companion a rapid look,
The story had warmed our marble indiscernible by male eye, and anacquaintance.  Saunders opened his swered'eyes, and thought, " We shall wake   " Three a penny, sirr; they are no
up the House of Lords some evening, plenty the day," added she, in smooth
- we shall."                       tones that carried conviction.
His Lordship  then  added, less   (Little liar; they were selling six a
warmly, looking at the girls: -    penny everywhere.)
" I think I should like to be a fish-   " Saunders, buy them  all, and. be
erman." So saying, my Lord yawned ever so long about it; count them, or
slightly.                          some nonsense."
To this aspiration the young fish-   "Hee's daft! he's daft!  0, ye
wives deigned no attention, doubting, ken, Jean, an Ennglishman and, a
perhaps, its sincerity; and Christie, lorrd, twa daft things thegither, he
with a shade of severity, inquired could na' miss the road.  Coont
of him  how he came to be a Vile them, lassie."
Count.                               "Come away, Sandy, till I count
"A baron's no' a Vile Count, I'm  them till ye," said Jean.
sure," said she; "sae tell me how ye   Saunders and Jean disappeared.
came to be a Vile Count."            Business being out of sight, curi"Ah!" said he, "that is by no osity revived.
means a pretty story like the other;   "An' what brings ye here from.
you will not like it, I am sule."        A local idea, I suspect. - C. R.




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       111
London, if ye please?" recommenced   The settlement was effected, and
the fair inquisitor.               away went the two friends, saying:" You have a good countenance;   " Good boye, Vile Count."
there is something in your face. I   Their host fell into thought.
could find it in my heart to tell you,   " When have I talked. so much? "
but I should bore, you."           asked he of himself.
" De'el a fear! Bore me, bore me!   " Dr. Aberford, you are a wonderwhaat's thaat, I wonder?"          ful man; I like your lower classes
"What is your name, madam? amazingly."
Mine is Ipsden."                     " Mefiez vous, Monsieur Ipsden!"
"They ca' me Christie Johnstone." should some mentor have said.
"Well, Christie Johnstone, I am    As the Devil puts into a beginner's
under the doctor's hands."         hands ace, queen, five trumps, to
"Puir lad. What's the trouble?" give him a taste for whist, so these
(solemnly and tenderly.)          lower classes have perhaps put for"Ennui! " (rather piteously.)    ward one of their best cards to lead
" Yawn-we?  I never heerd tell you into a false estimate of the strength
o't."                ~            I of their hand.
"   you lucky girl," burst out he;   Instead, however, of this, who
"but the doctor has undertaken to should return, to disturb the equilib-cure me; in one thing you could as- riumof truth, but this Christina Johnsist me, if I am not presuming too stone?  She came thoughtfully in,
far on our short acquaintance. I am  and said:to relieve one poor distressed person    "I've been taking a thoucht, and
every day, but I must n't do two: is this is no what yon gude physeecian
not that a bore?"                 meaned; ye are no to fling  your
"Gie's your hand, gie's your hand. chaerity like a bane till a doeg; ye'll
I'm vexed for ca'ing vou daft. Hech! gang yoursel to Jess Rutherford;
what a saft hand ye hae. Jean, I'm iFlucker Johnstone, that's my brother,
saying, come here, feel this."     will convoy ye."
Jean, who had run in, took the   "But how is your brother to know
Viscount's hand from Christie.     me? "
"It never wroucht any," explained    "How? Because I'll gie him a
Jean.                              sair sair hiding, if he lets ye gang
"And he has bonny hair," said by."
Christie, just touching his locks on   Then she returned the one-pound
the other side.                    note, a fresh settlement was effected,
" He's a bonny lad," said Jean, in- and she left him.
specting him scientifically, and point-   At the door she said: " And I am
blank.                             muckle obleeged to ye for your story
"Ay, is he," said  the  other. and your goodness."
"Aweel, there's Jess Rutherford, a   Whilst uttering these words, she
widdy, wi' four bairns, ye meicht do half kissed her hand to him, with a
waur than ware your siller on her."  lofty and disengaged gesture, such as
"Five pounds to begin?" inquired one might expect. from a queen, if
his Lordship.                      queens did not wear stays; and was
"Five pund! Are ye made o' sil- gone.
ler? Ten schell'n! "'When his Lordship, a few minutes
Saunders was rung for, and pro- after, sauntered out for a stroll, the
duced a one-pound note.           first object he beheld was an exact
" The herrin' is five and saxpence; human square, a handsome boy, with
it's four and saxpence I'm awin ye," a body swelled out apparently to the
said the young fishwife, "and Jess size of a man's, with blue flannel, and
will be a glad woman the neicht."    blue cloth above it, leaning against a




112                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
wall, with his hands in his pockets, -  might be permitted to assist them,
a statuette of insouciance.         and that she must blame a neighbor
This marine puff-ball was Flucker of hers if he had broken in upon her
Johnstone, aged fourteen.           too abruptly with this object.  He
Stain his sister's face with diluted  then, with a blush, hinted at ten shilwalnut-juice, as they make the stage lings, which he begged she would congypsy and Red Indian (two animals sider as merely an instalment, until
imagined by actors to be one), and he could learn the precise nature of
you have Flucker's face.            her embarrassments, and the best way
A slight moral distinction remains, of placing means at her disposal.
not to be so easily got over.          The widow heard all this with a
She was the best girl in the place, lack-lustre niind.
and he a baddish boy.                 IFor many years her life had been
He was, however, as sharp in his unsuccessful labor; if anything had
way as she was intelligent in hers.    ever come to her, it had always been
This youthful mariner allowed his a misfortune; her incidents had been
Lordship to pass him, and take twenty  thorns, — her events, daggers.
steps, but watched him all the time,   She could not realize a human anand compared him with a description  gel coming to her relief, and she did
furnished him by his sister.        not realize it, and she worked away at
He then followed, and brought him  her net.
to, as he called it.                  At this, Flucker, to whom his Lord"I daur say it's you I'm  to con- ship's speech appeared monstrously
voy to yon auld faggitt! " said this weak and pointless, drew nigh, and
baddish boy.                        gave the widow, in her ear, his verOn they went, Flucker rolling and  sion, namely, his sister's embellished.
pitching and yawing to keep up with  It was briefly this: That the gentlethe lordly galley, for a fisherman's man was a daft lord from England,
natural waddle is two miles an hour.  who had come with the bank in his
At the very entrance of Newhaven, breeks, to remove poverty from Scotthe new  pilot suddenly sung out, land, beginning  with  her. "Sae
"Starboard! "                       speak loud aneuch, and ye'11 no want
Starboard it was, and they ascend- siller," was his polite corollary.
ed a filthy "close," or alley; they    His Lordship rose, laid a card on a
mounted a staircase which was out of chair, begged her to make use of him,
doors, and, without knocking, Fluck- et cetera; he then, recalling the oracer introduced himself into Jess Ruth- ular prescription, said, "Do me the
erford's house.                     favor to apply to me for any little
" Here a gentleman to speak till ye, sum you have a use for, and, in return,
wife."                               I will beg of you (if it does not bore
you too much) to make me acquainted
with any little troubles you may have
encountered in the course of your
CHAPTER  III.              life."
His Lordship, receiving no answer,
THE  widow  was weather-beaten was about to go, after bowing to her,
and rough. She sat mending an old and smiling gracefully upon her.
net.                                  His hand was on the latch, when
"The gentleman's welcome," said Jess Rutherford burst into a passion
she; but there was no gratification in of tears.
her tone, and but little surprise.    He turned with surprise.
His Lordship then explained that,   "M ly troubles, laddie," cried  she,
understanding there were worthy peo- trembling all over.  " The sun wad
ple in distress, he was in hopes he set, and rise, and set again, ere I could




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        113
tell ye a' the trouble I hae come November, his boat came in to Nevwthrough.                            haven Pier without him, and when he
" O, ye need na vex yourself for an was inquired for, his crew said, "' He
auld wife's tears; tears are a blessin', had stayed at home, like a lazy loon,
lad, I shall assure ye. Mony's the and not sailed with them the night betime I hae prayed for them, and could fore."  How  she was anxious, and
na hae them.  Sit ye doon! sit ye had all the public-houses searched,
doon! I'll no let ye gang fra my "For he took a drop now and then,
door till I hae thankit ye, —but gie nae wonder, and  him  aye in the
me time, gie me time. I canna greet weather."  Poor thing! when he was
a' the days of the week."          alive she used to call him a drunken
PFlucker, ctat. 14, opened his eyes, scoundrel to his face. IHow, when the
unable to connect ten shillings and tide went down, a mad wife, whose
tears.                             husband had been drowned twenty
Lord Ipsden sat down, and felt very years ago, pointed out something unsorry for her. -                   der the pier, that the rest took for
And she cried at her ease.       sea-weed floating, -how it was the
If one touch of nature make the hair of her man's head, washed about
whole world kin, methinks that sweet by the water, and he was there,
and wonderful thing, sympathy, is not drowned without a cry or a struggle,
less powerful. What frozen barriers, by his enormous boots, that kept him
what ice of centuries, it can melt in a in an upright position, though he was
moment!                            dead; there he stood, -  dead, -
His bare mention of her troubles had drowned by slipping from the slippery?
surprised the widowed woman's heart, pier, close to his comrades' hands, in
and now she looked up, and exam- a dark and gusty night; how her
ined his countenance; it was soon  daughter married, and was well to do,
done.                              and assisted her; how she fell into a
A woman, young or old, high or rapid decline, and died, a picture of
low, can discern and appreciate sensi- health to inexperienced eyes. How
bility in a man's face, at a single she, the mother, saw and knew, and
glance.                            watched the treacherous advance of
What she saw there was enough. disease and death; how others said
She was sure of sympathy.  She gayly, " Her daughter was better,"
recalled her resolve, and the tale of and she was obliged to say, "Yes."
her sorrows burst from  her, like a How she had worked, eighteen hours
flood.                             a day, at making nets; how, when
Then the old fishwife told the young she let out her nets to the other men at
aristocrat how she had borne twelve the herring fishing, they always cheatchildren, and buried six as bairns; ed her, because her man was gone.
how her man was always unlucky; How  she had many times had to
how a mast fell on him, and disabled choose between begging her meal and
him a whole season; how they could going to bed without it, but, thank
but just keep the pot boiling by the Heaven! she had always chosen the
deep-sea fishing, and he was not al- latter.
lowed to dredge foroysters, because his   She told him of hunger, cold, and
fatherwas notaNewhavenman. How, anguish. As she spoke they became
when the herring fishing came, to real things to him; up to that momake all right, he never had another ment they had been things in a storyman's luck;, how  his boat's crew  book. And as she spoke she rocked
would draw empty nets, and a boat herself from side to side.
alongside him would be gunwale down   Indeed, she was a woman "acin the water with the fish. How, at quaiuted with grief."  She might
last, one morning, the 20th day of have said, "Here I and sorrow sit 
11I




114                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
This is my throne, bid kings come   And she did bless him; and what a
and bow to it "                    blessing it was; not a melodious genHer hearer felt this, and therefore erality, like a stage parent's, or papa's
this woman, poor, old, and ugly, be- in a damsel's novel. It was like the
came sacred in his eye; it was with a son of Barak on Zophim.
strange sort of respect that he tried to   She blessed him, as one who had
console her.                       the power and the right to bless or
He spoke to her in tones gentle and curse.
sweet as the south wind on a summer   She stood on the high ground of her
evening.                           low estate, and her afflictions, —and'" Madam," said he, " let me be so demanded of their Creator to bless the
happy as to bring you some comfort. fellow-creature that had come to her
The sorrows of the heart I cannot aid and consolation.
heal; they are for a mightier hand;   This woman had suffered to the
but a part of your distress appears to limits of endurance; yesterday she
have been positive need; that we can had said, " Surely the Almighty does
at least dispose of, and I entreat you na see me a' these years! "
to believe that fiom this hour want   So now she blessed him, and her
shalL never enter that door again. heart's blood seemed to gush into
Never! upon my honor! "           words.
The Scotch are icebergs, with vol-   She blessed him by land and water.
canoes underneath; thaw the Scotch    She knew most mortal griefs; for
ice, which is very cold, and you shall she had felt them.
get to the Scotch fire, warmer than    She warned then away from him
any sun of Italy or Spain.         one by one.
His Lordship had risen to go. The    She knew the joys of life; for she
old wife had seemed absorbed in her had felt their want.
own grief; she now dried her tears.  She summoned them one by one to
"Bide ye, sirr," said she, "till I his side.
thank ye."7                          "And a fair wind to your ship,"
So she began to thank him, rather cried she: "an' the storms aye ten
coldly and stiffly.                miles to leeward o' her."
"He says ye are a lord," said she;   Many happy days, "an' weel spent,"
"I dinna ken, an' I dinna care; but she wished him.
ye're a gentleman, I daur say, and a   "His love should love him dearly,
kind heart ye hae."                or a better take her place."
Then she began to warm.            " Health to his side by day; sleep
"And ye'll never be a grain the to his pillow by night."
poorer for the siller ye hae gien me;   A thousand good wishes came, like
for he that giveth to the poor lendeth a torrent of fire, from her lips, with a
to the Lord."                      power that eclipsed his dreams of huThen she began to glow.          man eloquence; and then, changing
"But it's no your siller; dinna in a moment from the thunder of a
think it, - na, lad, na!  0, fine!  I Pythoness to the tender music of some
ken there's mony a supper for the poetess mother, she ended:bairns and me in yon bits metal;   "An' 0 my boenny, boenny lad,
but I canna feel your siller as I feel may ye be wi' the rich upon the airth
your winsome smile, - the drop in a' your days, - AND WI' TIE PUIR
your young  een, -an' the sweet IN THE WA]RLD TO COME! "
words ye gied me, in the sweet music   His Lordship's tongue refused him
o' your Soothern tongrue, Gude bless the thin phrases of society.
ye!"  (Where was her ice by this   "Farewell for the present," said he,
time?) " Gude bless ye! and I bless and he went quietly away.
ye!"                                 He paced thoughtfully home.




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       115
lie had drunk a fact with every sen-   Leaving Richard, Lord Ipsdcn, to
tence; and an idea with every fact.   work out the Aberford problem, - to
For the knowledge we have never relieve poor people, one or two of
realized is not knowledge to us, - only whom, like the Rutherford, were grateknowledge's shadow.                ful, the rest acted it to the life, -to
With the banished Duke, he now  receive now and then a visit from
began to feel, " we are not alone un- Christina Johnstone, who borrowed
happy": this universal world con- every mortal book in his house, who
tains other guess sorrows than yours, sold him fish, invariably cheated him
Viscount, - scilicet than unvarying by the indelible force of habit, and
health, unbroken leisure, and incalcu- then remorsefully undid the bargain,
lable income.                      with a peevish entreaty that " he would
Then  this woman's eloquence! not be so green, for there was no dobless me! he had seen folk murmur ing business with him," - to be faspolitely in  the Upper House, and tened upon by Flucker, who, with
drone or hammer away at the Speak- admirable smoothness and cunning,
er down below, with more heat than wormed himself into a cabin-boy on
warmth.                            board the yacht, and man-at-armns
He had seen nine hundred wild ashore.
beasts fed with peppered tongue, in a   To cruise in search of adventures,
menagerie called L'Assembljee Nation- and meet nothing but disappointale.                               ments; to acquire a browner tint, a
His ears had rung often enough, for lighter step, and a jacket, our story
that matter.                       moves for a while towards humbler
This time his heart beat.        personages.
He had been in the principal Courts
of Europe: knew what a handful of
gentlefolks call "the World": had           CHAPTER IV.
experienced the honeyed words of
courtiers; the misty nothings of di-   JEss  RUTHERFORD, widow  of
plomatists; and the innocent'prattle Alexander Johnstone, for Newhaven
of mighty kings.                   wives, like great artists, change their
But hitherto he seemed to have conditions without changing  their
undergone gibberish and jargon:-    names, was known in the town only
Gibberish and jargon -Political!  as a dour wife, a sour old carline.
Gibberish and jargon - Social!    Whose fault?
Gibberish and jargon - Theologi-   Do wooden faces and iron tongues
cal!                               tempt sorrow to put out its snails'
Gibberish and jargon - Positive!  horns?
People had been prating - Jess had    She hardly spoke to any one, or
spoken.                            any one to her, 4but four days after the
But, it is to be observed, he was visit we have described people began
under the double effect of eloquence to bend looks of sympathy on her, to
and novelty; and, so situated, we step out of their way to give her a
overrate things, you know.         kindly good-morrow; after a bit, fish
That night he made a provision for and meal used to be placed on her
this poor woman, in case he should table by one neighbor or another,
die before next week.              when she was out: and so on. She
"Who knows?" said he, "she is was at first behind-hand in respondsuch an unlucky woman."            ing to all this, but by degrees she
Then he went to bed, and whether thawed to those who were thawing to
from the widow's blessing, or the air her. Next, Saunders called on her,
of the place, he slept like a plough- and showed her a settlement, made
boy.                               for her benefit, on certain lands in




116                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Lanarkshire.  She was at ease for o' troubles yon woman has come
life.                               through."
The Almighty had seen her all these    This stroke of art was not lost.
years.                              Christie looked up from  her book;
But how  came her neighbors to pretended he had spoken to her, gave
melt?                              a fictitious yawn, and renewed the neBecause a nobleman had visited gotiation with the air of one disposed
her.                                to kill time.
Not exactly, dear novel-reader.     She was dying for the story.
This was it.                        Commerce was twice broken off and
That same night, by a bright fire renewed by each power in turn.
lighting up snowy walls, burnished    At last the bargain was struck at
copper, gleaming candlesticks, and a fourteen-pence.
dinner-table floor, sat the mistress of   Then Flucker came out, the honest
the house, Christie Johnstone, and merchant.
her brother, Flucker.                 He had listened intently, with merShe with a book, he with his reflec- cantile views.
tions opposite her.                   He had the widow's sorrows all off
" Lassie, hae ye ony siller past ye? " pat.
"Ay, lad; an' I mean to keep it!"    He was not a bit affected himself,
The baddish boy had registered a but by pure memory he remembered
vow to the contrary, and proceeded  where she had been most agitated or
to bleed his flint (for to do Christie overcome.
justice the process was not very dis-   He gave it Christie, word for word,
similar).  Flucker had a versatile and even threw in what dramatists
genius for making money; he had call "the business," thus:made it in forty different ways, by    "Here ye suld greet - "
land and sea, tenpence at a time.     "Here ye'11 play your hand like a
"I hae gotten the life o' Jess Rutl- geraffe."
crford, till ye," said he.            " Geraffe?  That's a beast, I'm
"Giest then."                     thinking."
"I'm seeking half a crown for't,"    "Na; it's the thing on the hill that
said he.                            makes signals."
Now, he knew he should never get   "Telegraph, ye fulish goloshen!"
half a crown, but he also knew that   " Oo ay, telegraph! Geraffe's sunif he asked a shilling, he should be est said for a'."
beaten down to fourpence.             Thus Jess Rutherford's life came
So half a crown was his first bode.  into Christie Johnstone's hands.
The enemy, with anger at her   She told it to a knot of natives next
heart, called up a humorous smile, day; it lost nothing, for she was a
and saying, "An ye'llget saxpence," woman of feeling, and by intuition an
went about some household matter; artist of the tongue.  She was the
in reality, to let her proposal rankle best raconteur in a place where there
in IFlucker.                        are a hundred, male and female, who
PFlucker lighted his pipe slowly, as attempt that art.
one who would not do a sister the    The next day she told it again, and
injustice to notice so trivial a propo- then inferior narrators got hold of it,
sition.                             and it soon circulated through the
Hie waited fresh overtures.       town.
They did not come.                  And this was the cause of the sudChristie resumed her book.        den sympathy with Jess Rutherford.
Then the baddish boy fixed his eye   As our prigs would say:on the fire, and said softly and thought-   "Art had adopted her cause anu
fully to the fire, " Hech, what a heap adorned her tale."




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       117
CHAPTER V.                the chest in a sort of musical ejaculations; and the like, we know, was
THE fishing village of Newhaven is done by the ancient gymnasts; and
an unique place; it is a colony that is done by the French bakers, in liftretains distinct features; the people ing their enormous dough, and by our
seldom intermarry with their Scotch paviors.
neighbors.                           The song, in itself, does not contain
Some say the colony is Dutch, above seventy stock verses, but these
some Danish, some Flemish. The perennial lines are a nucleus, round
character and cleanliness of their fe- which the men improvise the topics of
male costume points rather to the the day, giving, I know not for what
latter.                            reason, the preference to such as verge
Fish, like horse-flesh, corrupts the upon indelicacy.
mind and manners.                    The men and women are musical
After a certain age, the Newhaven and narrative; three out of four can
fishwife is always a blackguard, and sing a song or tell a story, and they
ugly; but among the younger speci- omit few opportunities.
mens, who have not traded too much,   Males and females suck whiskey
or come into much contact with larger like milk, and are quarrelsome in protowns, a charming modesty, or else portion: the men fight (round-handslyness (such as no man can distin- ed), the women fleicht or scold, in the
guish from it, so it answers every pur- form of a teapot, - the handle fixed
pose), is to be found, combined with and the spout sawing the air.
rare grace and beauty.               A singular custom prevails here.
It is a race of women that the north-   The maidens have only one sweetern sun peachifies instead of rosewood- heart apiece!!
izing.                               So the whole town is in pairs.
On Sundays the majority sacrifice   The courting is all done on Saturappearance to fashion; these turn  day night, by the lady's fire. It is
out rainbows of silk, satin, and lace. hard to keep out of a groove in which
In the week they were all grace, and all the town is running; and the
no stays; now they seem all stays and Johnstone had possessed, as mere
no grace. They never look so ill as property, — a lad!
when they change their "costume"    She was so wealthy that few of
for "dress."                       them could pretend to aspire to her,
The men are smart fishermen, dis- so she selected for her chattel a young
tinguished from  the other fishermen man called Willy Liston; a youth of
of the Firth chiefly by their" dredging  an unhappy turn, - he contributed
song."                             nothing to hilarity, his face was a killThis old song is money to them; joy, — nobody liked him; for this fethus: -                            male reason Christie  distinguished
Dredging is practically very stiff him.
rowing for ten hourls.               He found a divine supper every
Now both the Newhaven men and Satulday night in her house; he ate,
their rivals are agreed that this song and sighed! Christie fed him, and
lifts them through more work than laughed at him.
untuned fishermen can manage.        Flucker ditto.
I have heard the song, and seen the   As she neither fed nor laughed at
work done to it; and incline to think any other man, some twenty were
it helps the oar, not only by keeping bitterly jealous of Willy Liston, and
the time true, and the spirit alive, but this gave the blighted youth a cheeralso by its favorable action on the ful moment or two.
lungs. It is sung in a peculiar way:   But the bright alliance received a
the sound is, as it were, expelled from  check some months before our tale.




118                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Christie was hieluo lihrorum! and brush into the pot: having thus econ.
like others who have that taste, and omized his material, he hurled the pot
can only gratify it in the interval of which contained his economy at " tie
manual exercise, she read very ill- Johnstone," he then adjourned to the
tensely in her hours of study. A  " Peacock," and " away at once with
book absorbed her. She was like a love and reason."
leech on these occasions, non missura   Thenceforth, when men asked who
cutems: even Jean Carnie, her coadju- was Christie Johnstone's lad, the antor or " neebor," as they call it, found swer used to be, " She's seeking ane."
it best to keep out of her way till the Quelle osrreur! i
book was sucked.                     Newhaven does n't know  everyOne Saturday night Willy Liston's thing, but my intelligent reader susevil star ordained that a gentleman pects, and, if confirming his suspicions
of French origin and Spanish dress, can reconcile him to our facts, it will
called Gil Blas, should be the John- soon be done.
stone's companion.                   But he must come with us to EdinWilly Liston arrived.            burgh; it's only three miles.
Christie, who had bolted the door,
told him  from  the window, civilly
enough, but decidedly, "She would
excuse his company that night."             CHAPTER VI.
"Vara weel," said Willy, and departed.                              A  LITTLE band of painters came
Next Saturday, -no Willy came. into Edinburgh from  a professional
Ditto the next. Willy was wait- walk.  Three were of Edinburgh:
ing the amende.                    Groove, aged fifty; Jones and HyaChristie forgot to make it.      cinth, young; the latter long-haired.
One day she was passing the boats,   With them was a young EnglishWilly beckoned her mysteriously; man, the leader of the expedition, —
he led her to his boat, which was Charles Gatty.
called "The Christie Johnstone ";   His step was elastic, and his manby the boat's side was a paint pot and ner wonderfully animated, without
brush.                             loudness.
They had not supped together for   "A bright day," said he. "The
five Saturdays.                    sun forgot where he was, and shone;
Ergo, Mr. Liston had painted out everything was in favor of art."
the four first letters of "Christie," he   " 0 dear, no," replied old Groove,
now proceeded to paint out the fifth, "not where I was."
giving her to understand, that, if she   "Why, what was the matter?"
allowed the whole name to go, a letter   "The flies kept buzzing and biting,
every blank Saturday, her image would and sticking in the work: that's the
be gradually, but effectually, obliter- worst of out o' doors! "
ated from the heart Listonian.       " The flies! is that all? Swear the
My reader has done what Liston spiders in special constables next
did not, anticipate her answer. She time," cried Gatty. " We shall win
recommended him, whilst his hand the day"; and light shone into his
was in, to paint out the entire name, hazel eye.
and, with white paint and a smaller   " The world will not always put up
brush, to substitute some other female with the humbugs of the brush, who,
appellation. So saying, she tripped to imitate Nature, turn their back on
off.                               her. Paint an out o' door scene in
Mr. Liston on this was guilty of doors! I swear by the sun it's a lie!
the  following  inconsistency; he the one stupid, impudent lie, that
pressed the paint carefully out of the glitters amongst the lies of vulgar art,




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        119
like Satan amongst Belial, Mammon., daubster a meTrry defiance, and then
and all those beggars.             separated from the party, for his lodg"Now look here; the barren out- ings were down the street.
lines of a scene must be looked at, to   He had not left them long, before a
be done; hence the sketching system  most musical voice was heard, cryslop-sellers of the Academy! but the ing: —
million delicacies of light, shade, and   "A caallerr owoo!"
color, can be trusted to memory, can   And two young fishwives hove in
they.                             sight.
" It's a lie big enough to shake the   The boys recognized one of them as
earth out of her course; if any part of Gatty's sweetheart.
the work could be trusted to memory   " Is he in love with her I " inquired
or imagination, it happens to be the Jones.
bare outlines, and they can't. The   Hyacinth the long-haired undertook
million subtleties of light and color; to reply.
learn them by heart, and say them off   " He loves her better than anything
on canvas! the highest angel in the in the world, except Art. Love and
sky must have his eye upon them, and Art are two beautiful things," whined
look devilish sharp, too, or he sha' n't Hyacinth.
paint them: I give him Charles Gat-."She, too, is beautiful.  I have
ty's word for that."               done her," added he, with a simper.
" That's very eloquent, I call it,"   "In oil  " asked Groove.
said Jones.                          "In oil? no, in verse, here"; and
"Yes," said poor old Groove, " the he took out a paper.
lad will never make a painter."      "Then had n't we better cut? you
"Yes, I shall, Groove; at least I might propose reading them," said
hope so, but it must be a long time poor old Groove.
first."'                            "Have you any oysters? " inquired
" I never knew a painter who could Jones of the Carnie and the Johntalk and paint both," explained Mr. stone, who were now alongside.
Groove.                              "Plenty," answered Jean. "Hae
"Very well," said Gatty. "' Then ye ony siller?"
I'1I say but one word more, and it is   The artists looked at one another,
this. The artifice of painting is old and did n't all speak at once.
enough to die; it is time the art was   "I, madam," said old Groove, inborn. Whenever it does come into sinuatingly, to Christie, "am a firiend
the world, you will see no more dead of Mr. Gatty's; perhaps, on that accorpses of trees, grass, and water, count, you would lend me an oyster or
robbed of their life, the sunlight, and two.."
flung upon canvas in a studio, by the   "Na," said Jean, sternly.
light of a cigar, and a lie - and- "  "Hyacinth," said Jones, sareastical" How much do you expect for your ly, " give them your verses, perhaps
picture? " interrupted Jones.     that will soften them."
"What has that to do with it     Hyacinth gave his verses, descripWith these little swords " (waving his tive of herself, to Christie.
brush), "we'11 fight for nature-light,   This youngster was one of those
truth-light, and sunlight, against a who mind other people's business.
world in arms, - no, worse, in swad-   Alienis studiis delectatus contempsit
dling clothes."                    suuumn.
" With these little swerrds," replied   His destiny was to be a bad painter,
poor old Groove, "we shall cut our so he wanted to be an execrable
own throats if we go against people's poet.
prejudices."                         All this morning he had been dogThe young artist laughed the old grelling, when he ought to have been




120                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
daubing; and now he will have to to plough away upon canvas blindsup off a colored print, if he sups at fold, as our grandfathers - no, grandall.                               mothers- used, than to kill ourselves
Christie read, blushed, and put the toiling after such coy ladies as Nature
verses in her bosom.               and Truth."
" Come awa, Custy," said Jean.     "Aweel, I dinna ken, sirr," replied
"Hets," said Christie, "gie the Groove, in smooth tones. "I didna
puir lads twarree oysters, what the like to express my warm approbation
waur will we be  "                 of you before the lads, for fear of makSo they opened oysters for them; ing them jealous."
and Hyacinth the long-haired looked    "They be -   No!"
down on the others with sarcastico-   "I ken what ye wad say, sirr, an it
benignant superiority. He had con- wad hae been a vara just an' sprightly
ducted a sister art to the aid of his observaation. Aweel, between oursels,
brother brushes.                   I look upon ye as a young gentleman
of amazing talent and moedesty. Man,
" The poet's empire, all our hearts allow;   y dinna do yoursel justice; ye should
But doggrel's power was never known till   be in th' Academy, at the hede o''t."
" Mr. Groove, I am a poor fainting
pilgrim on the road, where stronger
spirits have marched erect before me."
CHAPTER  VII.                "A faintin' pelgrim! Deil a frights
o' ye, ye're a brisk and bonny lad.
AT the commencement of the last Ah, sirr, in my juvenile days, we
chapter, Charles Gatty, artist, was didna fash wi nature, and truth, an
going to usher in a new state of things, the like."
true art, etc. Wales was to be paint-   "The like! What is like nature
ed in Wales, not Poland Street.    and truth, except themselves  "
He and five or six more youngsters   " Vara true, sirr; vara true, and
were to be in the foremost files of sae I doot I will never attain the
truth, and take the world by storm.   height o' profeeciency ye hae reached.
This was at two o'clock; it is now  An' at this vara moment, sir," continfive; whereupon the posture of affairs, ued Groove, with delicious solemnity
the prospects of art, the face of the and mystery, "ye see Before ye, sir,
world, the nature of things, are quite a man wha is in maist dismal want -
the reverse.                       o' ten shellen!"  (A pause.)  "If
In the artist's room, on the floor, your superior talent has put ye in poswas a small child, whose movements, session of that sum, ye would obleege
and they were many, were viewed me infinitely by a temporary accomwith huge dissatisfaction by Charles modaation, Mr. Gaattie."
Gatty, Esq. This personage, pencil   "Why did you not come to the
in hand, sat slouching and morose, point at once?" cried Gatty, brusquelooking gloomily at his intractable ly,. " instead of humbling me with unmodel.                             deserved praise.  There."  Groove
Things were going on very badly; held out his hand, but made a wry
he had been waiting two hours for an face when, instead of money, Gatty
infantine pose as common as dirt, and put a sketch into his hand.
the little viper would die first.    " There," said Gatty, "that is a
Out of doors everything was noth- lie! "
ing, for the sun was obscured, and to   "I-low can it be a lee?" said the
all appearance extinguished forever.  other, with sour inadvertence. "How
"Ah! Mr. Groove," cried he, to can it be a lee, when I hae na spothat worthy, who peeped in at that ken?"
moment; "you are right, it is better   " You don't understand me. That




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         121
sketch is a libel on a poor cow and an one man's brush is truer than mine,
unfortunate oak-tree.  I did them at another's is bolder, - my hand and
the Academy.  They had never done eye are not in tune. Ah! no! I shall
me any wrong, poor things; they suf- never, never, never be a painter."
fered unjustly.  You take them to a    These last words broke audibly from
shop, swear they are a tree and a cow, him as his head went down almost to
and some fool, that never really looked his knees.
into a cow or a tree, will give you ten    A hand was placed on his shoulder
shillings for them."                as a flake of snow falls on the water.
"Are ye sure, lad?"              It was Christie Johnstone, radiant,
"I am  sure.  Mr. Groove, sir, if who had glided in unobserved.
you cannot sell a lie for ten shillings,   " What.'s wrang wi' ye, my lad  "
you are riot fit to live in this world;   "The sun is gone to the Devil, for
where is the lie that will not sell for one thing."
ten shillings? "                      "Hech! hech! ye'll no be long
" I shall think the better o' lees all ahint him; div ye no think shame."
my days; sir, your words are in-   "And I want that little brute just
speeriting."  And away went Groove to do-so, and lie'd die first."
with the sketch.                       " O, ye villain, to ca' a bairn a
Gatty reflected, and stopped him,.  brute; there's but ae brute here, an'
"On second thoughts, Groove, you it's no you, Jamie, nor me, —is it,
must not ask ten shillings; you must my lamb? "
ask twenty pounds for that rubbish."    She then stepped to the window.
"' Twenty pund! What for will I   "It's clear to windward; in ten
seek twenty pund i"                 minutes ye'11 hae plenty sun. Tak
" Simply because people that would your tools noo."  And at the word
not give you ten shillings for it will she knelt on the floor, whipped out a
offer you eleven pounds for it if you paper of sugar-plums, and said to
ask twenty pounds."                 him  she had christened " Jamie":
" The  fules,"  roared  Groove. " Heh!  Here's sweeties till ye."'Twenty pund! hem!"  He looked  Out went Jamie's arms, as if he had
closer into it.  "For a'," said he, " I been a machine and she had pulled
begin to obsairve it is a work of great the right string.
merit. I'11 seek twenty pund  an'   "Ah, thatwvill do," said Gatty, and
I'11 no tak less than fifteen scllelln, at sketched away.
present."                              Unfortunately Jamie was quickly
The visit of this routine painter did arrested on the way to immortality by
not cheer our artist.               his mother, who came in, saying:The small child got a coal, and    " I maun hae my bairn, - he canna
pounded the floor with it, like a ma- be aye wasting his time here."
chine incapable of fatigue.  So the    This sally awakened the satire that
wislled-for pose seemed more remote ever lies ready in piscatory bosoms.
than ever.                             " Wasting his time! ye're no blate.
The day waxed darker, instead of O, ye'11 be for taking him  to the
lighter; Mr. Gatty's reflections took college to laern pheesick, - and teach
also a still more sombre hue.       maenners."
"Even Nature spites us," thought   " Ye need na begin on me," said the
he, "because we love her.           woman, "I'mn  no match for New"Then cant, tradition, numbers, haven."
slang, and money are against us; the    So saying she cut short the dispute
least of these is singly a match for by carrying off the gristle of contentruth; we shall die of despair or paint tion.
cobwebs in Bedlam; and I am faint,   "Another enemy to art," said Gatweary of a hopeless struggle; and ty, hurling away his pencil.
6




122                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
The young fishwife inquired if there   "Aha! lad," answered she;" thLey've
were any more griefs: what she had been the death o' mony a herrin'!"
heard had not accounted, to her rea-   " Now, what does that mean in
son, fbr her companion's depression.  English, Christie?"
" Are ye sick, laddy? " said she.  " My grinders - (a full stop.)
"No, Christie, not sick, but quite,   "Which you approve- (a full stop.)
quite down in the mouth."              "Have been fatal -  (a full stop.)
She scanned him thirty seconds.     " To many fishes!"
"What had ye till your dinner?"    Christie prided herself on her Eng" I forget."                      lish, which she had culled firom books.
"A cheoep, likely?"                Then he made her drink fiom the
"I think it was."                 cup, and was ostentatious in putting
"Or maybe it was a steak  "       his lips to the same part of the brim.
"I dare say it was a steak."        Then she left the table, and in"Taste mny girdle cake, that I've spected all things.
brought for ye."                       She camne to his drawers, opened
She gave him a piece; he ate it one, and was horror-struck.
rapidly, and looked gratefully at her.    There were coats and trousers, with
" Noo, div ye no think shame to their  limbs  interchangeably interlook me in the face    Ye hae na twined, waistcoats, shirts, and cigars,
dined ava."  And she wore an in- hurled into chaos.
jured look.                           She instantly took the drawer bod"Sit ye there; it's ower late for ily out, brought it, leaned'it against
dinner, but ye'11l get a cup tea: doon the tea-table, pointed silently into it,
i' the mooth, nae wonder, when nae- with an air.of majestic reproach, and
thing gangs doon your -"            awaited the result.
In a minute she placed a tea-tray,   "I can find whatever I want," said
and ran into the kitchen with a tea- the  unblushing  bachelor, "except
pot.                                money."
The next moment a yell was heard,   "Siller does na bide wi' slovens!
and she returned laughing, with an- hae ye often siccan a gale o' wind in
other teapot.                       your drawer?"
" The wife had maskit her tea till   "Every day! Speak English!"
hersel'," said this lawless forager.   "Aweel! How do you do? that's
Tea and cake on the table, - beau- Ennglish! I daur say."
ty seated by his side, - all in less than    " Jolly!" cried he, with his mouth
a minute.                           full.
He offered her a piece of cake.     Christie was now folding up and
"Na! I am no for any."           neatly arranging his clothes.
"Nor I then," said he.              " Will you ever, ever be a painter?'
"Hets! eat, I tell ye."            "I am a painter! I could paint
He replied by putting a bit to her the Devil pea-green!"
heavenly mouth.                       " Dinna speak o' yon lad, Chairles,
" Ye're awfu' opinionated," said it's no canny."
she, with a countenance that said noth-   "No! I am going to paint an aning should induce her, and eating it gel; the prettiest, cleverest girl in
almost contemporaneously.           Scotland,' The  Snowdrop  of the'Put plenty suoar,"  added she, North."'
referring to  the Chinese infusion;   And he dashed into his bedroom to
"mind, I hae a sweet tooth."        find a canvas.
"You have a sweet set," said he,   "Hech! "reflected Christie. "Thir
approaching another morsel.         Ennglish  lae flattering tongues, as
They showed themselves by way of sure as Dethe;'The Snawdrap o'
smile, and confirmed the accusation.  the North!"'




CITRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        123
CHAPTER  VIII.              ly visitor at the door, whose departure
had been more or less fictitious.
GATTY'S back was hardly turned    Christie, by an impulse, not justiwhen a visitor arrived, and inquired, fiable, but natural, drew her oyster"Is Mr Gatty at home  "             knife out, and this time the man
"What's your will wi' him  " was really went away.
the Scottish reply.                   " Hairtless  mon! "  cried  she,
"Will you give him this? "       "could le no do his ain dirrty work,
"What est? "                      and no gar me gie the puir lad th'
"Are you fond of asking  ques- action, and he likeit me sac weel! "
tions 2 " inquired the man.         and she began to whimper.
"Av!  and  fules canna answer   "And love you more now," said
them," retorted Christie.           he; "don't you cry, dear, to add to
The little document which the man, my vexation."
in retiring, left with Christie John-   "Na! I'll no add to your vexastone purported to come from  one tion," and she gulped down her tears.
Victoria, who seemed, at first sight,   "Besides, I have pictures painted
disposed to show Charles Gatty civili- worth two hundred pounds; this is
ties. " Victoria — to Charles Gatty, only for eighty.  To be sure you
greeting! (salutem)."   Christie was can't sell them for two hundred pence
much struck with this instance of when you want.  So I shall go to
royal affability; she read no further, jail, but they won't keep me long."
but began to think, " Victoree! that's   Then he took a turn, and began to
the Queen hersel. A letter fira the fall into the artistic, or true view of
Queen to a painter lad! Picters will matters, which, indeed, was  never
rise i' the mairket, - it will be an long absent from him.
order to paint the bailrns.  I hae   "Look  here, Christie," said lie,
brought him luck; I am real pleased."." I am sick of conventional assassins,
And on Gatty's return, canvas in humbugging  models,  with  dirty
hand, she whipped the document be- beards, that knit their brows, and
hind her, and said archly, "I hae try to look murder; they never mursomething for ye, a tecket fra a leddy, dered so much as a tom-cat: I alye'll no want siller fra this day."  ways go in for the real thing, and
"Indeed! "                       here I shall find it."
"Av! indeed, fra a great leddy;   "Dinna gang in there, lad, for ony
it's vara gude o' me to gie ye it; heh! favor."
tak it."                              " Then I shall find the accessories
He did take it, looked stupefied, of a picture I have in my head, -
looked again, sunk into a chair, and chains with genuine rust, and ancient
glared at it.                       mouldering stones, with the stains of
"Laddy!" said Christie.          time."  His eye brightened at the
"This is a new step on the down- prospect.
ward path," said the poor painter.     " You among fiefs, and chains, and
"Is it no an orrder to paint the stanes! Ye'll break my hairt, laddy,
young prence?" said Christie, faint- ye'll no be easy till you break my
ly.                                 hairt ": and this time the tears would
" No!" almost shrieked the victim. not be denied.
"It's a writ!  I owe  a  lot of   " I love you for'crying;  don't
money."                             cry"; and he fished from the chaotic
"0 Chairles!"                     drawer a cambhric handkerchief, with
" See!  I borowed sixty pounds which he dried her tears as they fell.
six months ago of a friend, so now I   It is my firm belief she cried nearly
owe eighty! "                       twice as much as she really wanted
"All right!" giggled the unfriend- to; she contrived to make the grief




124                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
hers, the sympathy his. Suddenly  sketch of her, which he gave her;
she stopped, and said:-            and by and by he used to run down
"I'm daft; ye'll accept a lane o' to Newhaven, and stroll up and down
the siller fra me, will ye no  "    a certain green lane near the town.
"No!" said  he.  "And  where    Next, on Sunday evenings, a long
could you find eighty pound?"      walk together, and then it came to
"Auchty pund," cried she, " it's visits at his place now and then.
no auchty pund that will ding Chris-   And here Raphael and Fornarina
tie Johnstone, laddy. I hae boats were inverted, our artist used to work,
and nets worth twa auchtys; and I and Christie tell him  stories the
hae forty pund laid by; and I hae while.
seven hundred pund at London, but   And, as her voice curled round his
that I canna meddle. My feyther lent heart, he used to smile and look, and
it the King or the Queen, I dinna lay inspired touches on his subject.
justly mind; she pays me the interest   And she, an artist of the tongue
twice the year.  Sae ye ken I could  (without knowing herself one), used
na be sace dirty as seek my siller, to make him grave, or gay, or sad, at
when she pays me th' interest: to the will, and watch the effect of her art
very day, ye ken.  She's just the upon his countenance; and a very
only one o' a' my debtors that's pretty art it is, —the viva voce storyhoenest, but never heed, ye'll no gang  teller's, - and a rare one amongst the
to jail."                           nations of Europe.
" I'11 hold my tongue, and sacri-   Christie had not learned it in a day;
fie my pictures," thought Charles.   when she began, she used to tell them
"Cheer up!" said Christie, mis- like the other Newhaven people, with
taking the nature of his thoughts, a noble impartiality of detail, weari"for it did na come fra Victoree her- some to the hearer.
sel'. It wad smell o' the musk, ye   But latterly she had learned to seize
ken. lNa, it's just a wheen black- the salient parts of a narrative; her
guards at London that makes use o' voice had compass, and, like all fine
her name to torment puir folk. Wad speakers, she travelled over a great
she pairsecute a puir lad? No like- many notes in speaking; her low
ly."                                tones were gorgeously rich, her upper
She then asked questions, some of tones full and sweet; all this, and her
which were embarrassing. One thing  beauty, made the hours she gave him
he could never succeed in making her very sweet to our poor artist.
understand, how, since it was sixty    He was wont to bask in her music,
pounds he borrowed, it could be eighty  and tell her in return how he loved
pounds he owed.                     her, and how happy they were both
Then once more she promised him  to be as soon as he had acquired a
her protection, bade him be of good  name, for a name was wealth, he told
cheer, and left him.                her. And although Christie Johnstone
At the door she turned, and said: did not let him  see how much she
"Chairles, here's an auld wife seek- took all this to heart and believed it,
ing ye," and vanished.              it was as sweet music to her as hdr
These two young people had fallen own honeysuckle breath to him.
acquainted at a Newhaven wedding.   She improved him.
Christie, belonging to no one, had   I-He dropped cigars, and medical
danced with him all the night, they students, and similar abominations.
had walked under the stars to cool   Christie's cool, fresh breath, as she
themselves, for dancing reels, with hung over him while painting, sugheart and soul, is not quadrilling.  gested to him  that smoking might,
Then he had seen  his beautiful peradventure, be a sin against nature
partner in Edinburgh, and made a as well as against cleanliness.




CHI-RISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       125
And he imiproved her; she learned  pounds, or finish and hand over a
from art to look into nature (the usual certain half-finished picture.
process of mind).                      He did neither; his new  subject
She had noticed too little the flick- thrust aside his old one, and he had
ering gold of the leaves at evening, no money, ergo his friend, a picturethe purple hills, and the shifting sto- dealer, who had found artists slippery
ries and glories of the sky; but now, in money-matters, followed him  up
whatever she saw him try to imitate, sharp, as we see.
she learned to examine.  She was a    "There is nothing the matter, I
woman, and admired sunset, etc., for hope, mother.  What is it? "
this boy's sake, and her whole heart   "I'm tired, Charles." He brought
expanded with a new sensation that her a seat: she sat down.
softened her manner to all the world,   "I did not come from Newcastle at
and brightened her personal rays.    my age, for nothing; you have formed
This charming picture of mutual an improper acquaintance."
affection had hitherto been admired    "I, who? Is it Jack Adams? "
only by those who figured in it.       "Worse than any Jack Adams!"
But a visitor had now arrived on    "Who can  that be?  Jcnkyns,
purpose to inspect it, etc., attracted  mother, because he does the same
by report.                           things as Jack, and pretends to be
A friend had considerately informed religious."
Mrs. Gatty, the artist's mother, and    "It is a female, —a fishwife. O
she had instantly started from  New- my son! "
castle.                                " Christie Johnstone an improper
This was the old lady Christie dis- acquaintance," said he; "why! I
covered on the stairs.               was good for nothing till I knew her;
Her sudden appearance took her she has made me so good, mothson's breath away.                  er; so steady, so industrious; you
No human event was less likely than  will never have to find fault with me
that she should be there, yet there she again."
was.                                   "Nonsense: —a woman that sells
After the first surprise and affection- fish in the streets! "
ate greetings, a misgiving crossed him,   " But you have not seen her. She
" she must know about the writ," -  is beautiful, her mind is not in fish;
it was impossible; but our minds are her mind grasps the beautiful and the
so constituted, - when we are guilty, good,- she is a companion for prinwe fear that others know  what we ces! What am I that she wastes a
know.                                thought or a ray of music on me 
Now Gatty was particularly anx- Heaven bless her.  She reads our
ions she should not know about this best authors, and never forgets a
writ, for he had incurred the debt by sword; and she tells me beautiful stoacting against her advice.           ries, - sometimes they make me cry,
Last year he commenced a picture for her voice is a music that goes
in which was Durham Cathedral; his straight to my heart."
mother bade him stay quietly at-home,   "A woman that does not even weaf
and paint the cathedral and its banks the clothes of a lady."
from a print, "as any other painter   "It is the only genuine costume in
would," observed she.               these islands not beneath a painter's
But this was not the lad's system; notice."
he spent five months on the spot, and    " Look at me, Charles; at your
painted his picture, but he had to boher- mother."
row sixty pounds to do this; the con-   " Yes, mother," said he, nervously.
dition of this loan was, that in six    "You must part with her, or kill
months he should either pay eighty me."




126                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
I-He started from hi.s scat and began I  "Who has kept you dun her small
to flutter up ad;c  down the room; means ever since you were ten years
poor excitable creature.  " Part with and seven months old?"
her!" cried he; "I shall never be a    "You should know, mother, dear
painter if I do; what is to keep my mother."
heart warm when the sun is hid, when    " Answer me, Charles."
the birds are silent, when difficulty    " My mother."
looks a mountain, and success a mole-   " W ho has pinched herself, in every
hill? Wllt is an artist without love? earthly thing, to make you an immorHow is he to bear up against his dis- tal painter, and, above all, a gentleappointments from within, his morti- man? "
fication from without? the great ideas   " My mother."
he has and cannot grasp, and all the    "Who forgatve you the little faults
forms of ignorance that sting him, of youth, before you could ask parfrom stupid insensibility down to clev- don? "
er, shallow criticism? "               "My mother!  0 mother, I ask
"Come back to common sense," pardon now for all the trouble I ever
said the old lady, coldly and grimly.  gave the best, the dearest, the tenderHe looked uneasy: common sense est of mothers."
had often been quoted against him,   "Who will go home to Newcastle,
and common sense had always proved a broken-hearted woman, with the one
right.                              hope gone that has kept her up in
"Come back to common  sense. poverty and. sorrow so many weary
She shall not be your mistress, and years, if this goes on?"
she cannot bear your name; you    "Nobody, I hope."
must part some day, because you can-   "Yes, Charles; your mother."
not come together, and now is the    "0 mother; you have been always
best time."                         my best friend."
"Not be together? all our lives, all' And am this day."
our lives, ay," cried he, rising into    " I)o not be my worst enemy now:
enthusiasm, "hundreds of years to it is for me to obey you; but it is for
come will we two be together before you to think well before you drive me
men's eyes, - I will be an immortal to despair."
painter, that the world and time may    Arnd the poor womanish heart leaned
cherish the features I have loved. I his head on the table, and began to
love her, mother," added he, with a sorrow over his hard fiate.
tearful tenderness that ought to have   Mrs. Gatty soothed him. "It need
reached a woman's heart; then flush- not be done all in a moment: it
ing, trembling, and inspired, he burst must be done kindly, but firmly. I
out, "And I wish I was a sculptor will giveyou as muchtime as you like."
and a poet too, that Christie might   This bait took: the weak love to
live in stone and verse, as well as col- temporize.
ors, and all who love an art might   It is doubtful whether he honestly
say,'This woman cannot die, Charles intended to part with Christie JohnGatty loved her.'"                  stone; but to pacify his mother he
He looked in her face; he could promised to begin and gradually unnot believe any creature could be in- tie the knot.
sensible to his love, and persist to rob    " Mv - mother will go," whispered
him of it.                          his deceitful heart, " and, when she is
The old woman paused, to let his away, perhaps I shall find out that in
eloquence evaporate.                 spite of every effort I cannot resign
The pause chilled him; then gently my treasure."
and slowly, but emphatically, she   He gave a sort of half-promise fbr
spoke to him thus: -                the sake of peace.




CHIRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        127
His mother instantly sent to the inn horse than Gatty will go by you, ridfor her boxes.                       den as you are by a leaden heart.
"There is a room in this same
There is a room  in this sane   Tunihil invita facies pingesve Minerva.
house," said she, "I will take it; I
will not hurry you, but until it is   It would not lower a mechanical
done, I stay here, if it is a twelve- dog's efforts, but it must yours.
month about."                          He was unhappy. He heard only
He turned pale.                   one side for days; that side was rec"And now hear the good news I ommended by his duty, filial affection,
have brought you from Newcastle."   and diffidence of his own good sense.
Oh! these little iron wills, how is a   He was brought to see his proceedgreat artist to fight three hundred  ings were eccentric, and that it is
and sixty-five days against such an  destruction to be eccentric.
antagonist                             He was made a little ashamed of
Every day saw a repetition of these what he had been proud of.
dialogues, in which genius made gal-   He was confused and perplexed;
lant bursts into the air, and strong, he hardly knew what to think or do;
hard sense caught him on his descent, he collapsed, and all his spirit was
and dabbed glue on his gauzy wings.  fast leaving him, and then he felt inOld age and youth see life so differ- clined to lean on the first thing he
ently.                               could find, and nothing came to hand
To youth, it is a story-book, in but his mother.
which we are to command the inci-   Meantime, Christie Johlustone was
dents, and be the bright exceptions to also thinking of him, but her single
one rule after another.             anxiety was to find this eighty pounds
To age it is an almanac, in which for him.
everything will happen just as it has   It is a Newhaven idea that the fehappened so many times.             male is the natural protector of the
To youth, it is a path. through a male, and this idea was strengthened
sunny meadow.                       in her case.
To age, a hard turnpike:           She did not fully comprehend his
Whose travellers must be all sweat character and temperament, but she
and dust, when they are not in mud saw, by instinct, that she was to be
and drenched:                       the protector.
Which  wants mending in many    Besides, as she was twenty-one, and
places, and is mended with sharp he only twenty-two, she felt the difstones.                             ference between herself, a woman,
Catty would not yield to go down and him, a boy, and to leave him to
to Newhaven, and take a step against struggle unaided out of his difficulties
his love, but he yielded so fir as to seemed to her heartless.
remain passive, and see whether this    Twice she opened her lips to engage
creature was necessary to his exist- the charitable "Vile Count" in his
ence or not.                        cause, but shame closed them again;
Mrs. G. scouted the idea.         this would be asking a personal fhvor,
" He was to work, and he would  and one on so large a scale.
soon forget her."                     Several days passed thus; she had
Poor boy! he wanted to work; his determined not to visit him without
debt weighed on him; a week's reso- good news.
lute labor might finish his first picture   She then began to be surprised, she
and satisfy his creditor.  The subject heard nothing from him.
was an interior. He set to work, he   And now  she felt something that
stuck to work, he glued to work, his prevented her calling on him.
body, - but his heart?               But Jean Carnie was to be married,
Al, my poor fellow, a much slower and the next day the wedding party




128                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
were to spend in festivity upon the and asked if he could assist her; she
island of Inch Coombe.              answered through, the medium of a
She bade Jean call on him, and, sooty animal at her helm, that she
without mentioning her, invite him to was (like our universities) "satisfied
this party, from which, he must know, with her own progress "; she added,
she would not be absent.            being under intoxication, " that, if any
Jean Carnie entered his apartment, danger existed, her scheme was to
and at her entrance his mother, who  drown it in the bo-o-owl"; and two
took for granted this was his sweet- days afterwards he saw her puffing
heart, whispered in his ear that he and panting, and fiercely dragging a
should now  take the first step, and  gigantic three-clecker out into deep
left him.                           water, like an industrious flea pulling
What passed between Jean Carnie his phaeton.
and Charles Gatty is for another chap-   And now it is my office to relate
ter.                               how Mr. Flucker Johnstone comported himself on one occasion.
As the yacht worked alongside
CHAPTER IX.               Granton Pier, before running out, the
said Flucker calmly and scientifically
A YOUNG Viscount with income drew his Lordship's attention to three
and person  cannot lie perda three points:miles from Edinburgh.                 The direction of the wind,-the
First one discovers him, then an- force of the wind, - and his opinion,
other, then twenty, then all the world, as a person experienced in the Firth,
as the whole clique is modestly called. that it was going to be worse instead
Before, however, Lord Ipsden was of better; in reply, he received an orcaught, he had acquired a browner der to.step forward to his place in the
tint, a more elastic step, and a stouter cutter, -the immediate vicinity of the
heart.                             jib-boom. On this, Mr. Plucker inThe Aberford prescription had done stantly burst into tears."
wonders for him.                     His Lordship, or, as Plucker called
He caught himself passing one him ever since the yacht came down,
whole day without thinking of Lady  " the Skipper," deeming that the highBarbara Sinclair.                  er appellation, inquired, with some surBut even Aberford had  misled prise, what was the matter with the
him; there were no adventures to be boy.
found in the Firth of Forth; most of   One of the crew, who, by the by,
the days there was no wind to speak squinted, suggested, "It was a slight
of; twice it blew great guns, and the illustration of the passion of fear."
men were surprised at his Lordship go-   Flucker confirmed the theory by
ing out, but nobody was in any dan- gulping out: " We'11 never see Newger except himself; the fishermenhad haven again."
all slipped into port before matters   On this the skipper smiled, and orwere serious.                      dered him ashore, somewhat perempHe found the merchantmen that torily.
could sail creeping on with three reefs   Straightway he began to howl, and,
in their mainsail; and the Dutchmen saying, " It was better to be drowned
lying to and breasting it, like ducks than be the laughing-stock of the
in a pond, and with no more chance place," went forward to his place;
of harm.                           on his safe return to port, this young
On one of these occasions he did gentleman was very severe on open
observe  a  little steam-tu-g, going boats, which, he said " bred womanabout a knot an hour, and' rolling like ish notions in hearts naturally daunta washing-tub. He ran down to her, less. Give me a lid to the pot," add



CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         129
ed he, " and I'11 sail with Old Nick, eyes all glistening, - how they made
let the wind blow high or low."      me talk, -how  she dropped a tear,
The Aberford was wrong when he he! he! he! at the death of the first
called love a cutaneous disorder.    baron,- how shocked she was at the
There are cutaneous disorders that king striking him when he was dying,
take that name, but they are no more to make a knight-banneret of the poor
love than verse is poetry;           old fellow  "
Than patriotism is love of country;   "Your Lordship will find all the
Than theology is religion;        particulars  exactly  related," said
Than science is philosophy;       Saunders, with dry pomp.
Than paintings are pictures;        "How she found out that titles are
Than reciting on the boards is act- but breath, - how I answered - some
ing;                                 nonsense?"
Than physic is medicine;             " Your Lordship will find all the
Than bread is bread, or gold gold, topics included."
-in shops.                             "-low she took me for a madman?
Love is a state of being; the be- And you for a prig? "
loved object is our centre; and our    " The latter circumstance eluded
thoughts, affections,  schemes, and  mymemory, my Lord."
selves move but round it.              "But when I told her I must reWe may diverge hither or thither, lieve only one poor person by day,
but the golden thread still holds us.   she took my hand."
Is fair or dark beauty the fairest?    "Your Lordship will find all the
The world cannot decide; but love  items realized in this book, my Lord."
shall decide in a moment.              "What a beautiful book! "
A halo surrounds her we love, and    " Alba are considerably amelioratmakes beautiful to us her movements, ed, my Lord."
her looks, her virtues, her faults, her   "Alba? "
nonsense, her affectation, and herself;   "Plural of album, my Lord," exand that's love, doctor!           plained the refined factotum, " more
Lord Ipsden was capable of loving  delicate, I conceive, than the vulgar
like this; but, to do Lady Barbara reading."
justice, she had done much to freeze    Viscount Ipsden read from
the germ of noble passion; she had
not killed, but she had benumbed         "Mn. SAUNDIERS'S  ALBUIM.
it.
"Saunders," said Lord Ipsden, one    "To illustrate the inelegance of the
morning after breakfast, "have you  inferior classes, two juvenile vendors
entered everything in your diary?"   of the piscatory tribe were this day
" Yes, my Lord."                  ushered in, and instantaneously, with"All these good people's misfor- out the  accustomed  preliminaries,
tunes? "                            plunged into a familiar conversation
" Yes, my Lord."                  with Lord Viscount Ipsden.
" Do you think you have spelt their   " Their vulgarity, shocking and renames right?"                      pulsive to myself, appeared to afford
" Where it was  impossible, my his Lordship a satisfaction greater than
Lord, I substituted an English appel- he derives from  the graceful amenilation, hidentical in mleaning."    ties of fashionable association-"
"Have you entered and described
my first interview with Christie John-   " Saunders, I suspect you of somestone, and somebody something? "    thing."
"Most minutely, my Lord."           " Me, my Lord!"
"How  I turned Mr. Burke into    "Yes.  Writing  in an Annual."
poetry, - how she listened with her   " I do, my Lord," said he, with beG'                                         I




130'        CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
nignant hauteur.  "It appears every Lord Ipsclen gave him  ten pounds
month, -' The Polytechnic.' "       more!
"I thought so! you are polysyl-   Nesxt week, Saunders, entering Harlabic, Saunders; en route!"        vey's house, found him in bed at noon,
" In this hallucination I find it dif- because he had no clothes to wear.
ficult to participate; associated from    Saunders suggested that it would be
infancy with the aristocracy, I shrink, better to give his wife the next money,
like the sensitive plant, fi'om contact with strict orders to apply it usefully.
with anything vulgar."                 This was done!
The next day, Harvey, finding his
"I see! I begin to understand you, clothes upon a chair, his tools reSaunders.  Order the dog-cart, and  deemed from pawn, and a beefsteak
XWordsworth's mare for leader; we'll ready for his dinner, accused his wife
give her a trial. You are an ass, of havingmoney, and meanly refusing
Saunders."                          him the benefit of it.  She acknowl" Yes, my Lord; I will order Rob- edged she had a little, and appealed
ert to tell James to come for your to the improved state of things as a
Lordship'scommands about yourLord- proof that she knew better than he the
ship's vehicles. (What could he intend use of money. He demanded the
by a recent observation of a discour- said money. She refused, - he leathteeous character? ) "               ered her,- she put him in prison.
His Lordship soliloquized.           This was the best place for him.
"I never observed it before, but The man was a drunkard, and all the
Saunders is an ass! La Johnstone is riches of Egypt would never have
one of Nature's duchesses, and she has made him better off.
made me know some poor people that   And here, gentlemen of the lower
will be richer than the rich one day; classes, a word with you. How can
and she has taught me that honey is to you, with your small incomes, hope
be got from bank-notes, -by merely to be well off, if you are more extravagiving them away."                  gant than those who have large ones?
Amongst the objects of charity Lord    "Us extravagant i" you reply.
Ipsden discovered was one Thomas   Yes! your income is ten shillings
Harvey, a maker and player of the a week; out of that you spend three
violin. This man was a person of shillings in drink; ay! you, the sober
great intellect; he mastered every ones. You can't afford it, my boys.
subject he attacked. By a careful ex- Find me a man whose income is a
amination of all the points that vari- thousand a year; well, if he imitates
ous fine-toned instruments had in com- you, and spends three hundred upon
mon, he had arrived at a theory of sensuality, I bet you the odd seven
sound; he made violins to correspond, hundred he does not make both ends
and was remarkably successful in in- meet; the proportion is too great.
suring that which had been too hastily  And t   two thirds of the distress of the
ascribed to accident, - a fine tone.   lower orders is owing to this, - that they
This man, who was in needy cir- are more madly prodigal than the rich;
cumstances, demonstrated to his Lord- in the worst, lowest, and?nost clangerous
ship that ten pounds would make his item of all human prodigality!
fortune; because with ten pounds he   Lord Ipsden went to see Mrs. Harcould set up a shop, instead of work- vey; it'cost him  much to go; she
inc out of the world's sight in a room. lived in the Old Town, and he hated
Lord Ipsden gave him ten pounds! disagreeable smells; he also knew from
A week after, he met Harvey, more Saunders that she had two black eyes,
ragged and dirty than before.        and he hated women with black eyes
Harvey had been robbed by a friend of that sort. But this good creature
whom he had assisted. Poor Harvey! did go; did relieve Mrs. Hlarvey;




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       131
and bare-headed suffered himself to be   " You do," answered she, very drybedewed ten minutes by her tearful ly; and so the dialogue went on, and
twaddle.                           Lord Ipsden found the pleasure of
For once Virtue was rewarded: being with his cousin compensate him
returning over the North Bridge, he fully for the difference of their opinmet somebody whom, but for his ions; in fact, he found it simply
charity, he would not have met;    amusing that so keen a wit as his
He came in one bright moment cousin's could be entrapped into the
plump upon — Lady Barbara  Sin- humor of decrying the time one hapclair. She flushed, he trembled, and pens to live in, and admiring any
in two minutes he had forgotten ev- epoch  one knows next to nothing
ery human event that had passed  about, and entrappedby the notion of
since he was by her side.          its originality, above all things; the
She seemed pleased to see him, idea being the stale commonplace of
too; she ignored entirely his obnox- asses in every age, and the manner of
ions proposal; he wisely took her conveying the idea being a mere imicue, and so, on this secret understand- tation of the German writers, not the
ing, they were friends. He made his good ones, bien entendu, but the quillarrangements, and dined with her fam- drivers, the snobs of the Teutonic
ily. It was a family party. In the pen.
evening Lady Barbara allowed it to   But he was to learn that follies are
transpire that she had made inquiries not always laughable, that eadela senabout him.                         tire is a bond, and that, when a clever
(He was highly flattered.) And she and pretty woman chooses to be a
had discovered he was lying hid some- fool, her lover if he is wise will be a
where in the neighborhood.         greater, - if he can.
" Studying the guitar?" inquired    The next time they met, Lord Ipsshe.                               den found Lady Barbara occupied
"No," said he, "studying a new  with a gentleman whose first senclass of the community.  Do you tence proclaimed him a pupil of Mr.
know  any of what they call the Thomas Carlyle, and lie had themor-'lower classes'  "                 tififcation to find that she had neither
" Yes."                          an ear nor an eye for him.
"Monstrous agreeable people, are   Human opinion has so many shades,
they not?"                         that it is rare to find two people
"No, very stupid! I only know  agree.
two old women, - except the servants,   But two people may agree wonderwho have no characters.  They imi- fully, if they will but let a third think
tate us, I suspect, which does not say for them both.
much for their taste."               Thus it was that these two ran so
" But some of my friends are young smoothly in couples.
women; that makes all the difference."   Antiquity, they agreed, was the
"It does! and you ought to be time when the world was old, its hair
ashamed. If you want a low order of gray, its head wise. Every one that
mind, why desert our own circle?"   said, "Lord, Lord!" two hundred
"My friends are only low in sta- years ago was a Christian.  There
tion; they have rather lofty minds, were no earnest men now: Williams,
some of them."                     the missionary, who lived and died
" Well, amuse yourself with these for the Gospel, was not earnest in relofty minds. Amusement is the end ligion; but Cromwell, who packed a
of being, you know, and the aim of jury, and so murdered his prisoner, -
all the men of this day."          Cromwell, in whose mouth was heav"We imitate the ladies," said he, en, and in his heart temporal soverslyly.                             eignty, —was the pattern of earnest




132                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
religion, or, at all events, second in' The earnest men of former ages
sincerity to Mahomet alone, in the are not extinct in this," added he.
absence of details respecting Satan, of " Whenever a scaffold is erected outwhom we know only that his mouth side a prison-door, if you are earnest
is a Scripture concordance, and his in pursuit of truth, and can put up
hands the hands of Mr. Carlyle's with disgusting objects, you shall see
saints.                             a relic of ancient mlanners hung.
Then they went back a century or   "There still exist, in parts of
two, and were eloquent about the America, rivers on whose banks are
great antique heart, and the beauty of earnest men who  shall take your
an age whose samples were Abbot scalp, the wife's of your bosom, and
Sampson and Joan of Arc.            the innocent child's of her bosom.
Lord Ipsden hated argument; but   " In England we are as earnest as
jealousy is a brass spur, it made even ever in pursuit of heaven, and of inthis man fluent for once.           nocent worldly advantages. If, when
lie suggoested "that five hundred  the consideration of life and death
years added to a world's life made it interposes, we appear less earnest in
just five hundred years older, not pursuit of comparative trifles such as
younger, — and  if older, grayer,-  kingdoms or dogmas, it is because
and if grayer, wiser.               cooler in action we are more earnest
i" Of Abbot Sampson," said  he, in thought, - because reason, expe"whom I confess both a great and a rience, and conscience are things that
good man, his author, who with all check the unscrupulousness or beasthis talent belongs to the class muddle- ly earnestness of man.
head, tells us that when he had been    " Moreover, he who has the sense to
two years in authority his red hair see that questions have three sides is
had turned gray, fighlhting against the no longer so intellectually as well as
spirit of his age; how the deuce, then, morally degraded as to be able to cut
could he be a sample of the spirit of every throat that utters an opinion
his age?                           contrarv to his own.
"Joan of Arc was burnt by accla-   "If the phrase'earnest man' means
mation of her age, and is admired by man imitating the beasts that are deaf
our age. Which fact identifies an  to reason, it is to be hoped that civiliage most with a heroine, to give her zation and Christianity will really exyour heart, or to give her a blazing tinguish the whole race for the benefit
fagot and death?                   of the earth."
"Abbot Sampson and Joan  of   Lord Ipsden succeeded in annoying
Arc," concluded he, " prove no more the fair theorist, but not in convincing
in favor of their age, and no less her.
against it, than Lot does for or against   The medieval enthusiasts looked
Sodom. Lot was in Sodom, but not on him  as some rough animal that
of it; and so were Sampson and Joan  had burst into sacred grounds unconin, but not of, the villanous times sciously, and gradually edged away
they lived in.                      from him.
"The very best text-book of true
religion is the New Testament, and I
gather from it, that the man who for-         CHAPTER  X.
gives his enemies whilst their axe descends on his head, however poor   LORD IPSDEN had soon the mortifia creature he may be in other respects, cation of discovering that this Mr. * * X
is a better Christian than the man was a constant visitor at the house;
who has the God of Mercy forever on and, although his cousin gave him
his lips, and whose hands are swift to her ear in this man's absence, on the
shed blood.                         arrival of her fellow-enthusiast he had




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         133
ever the mortification of finding him-   Lady Barbara. " Guess'first yourself de trop.                       self; you can't be suspected of beingl
Once or twice he demolished this in the secret."
personage in arbgunment, and was re-   Hither. What I mean is, that peowarded by finding himself more de pie sing a sono, or run races, or preach
trop.                                a sermon, or do something funnv at
But one day Lady Barbara, being a picnic, - aw — somebody gets up
in a cousinly humor, expressed a wish and does something."
to sail in his Lordship's yacht, and    Lady Bar. "Then perhaps Miss
this hint soon led to a party being or- Vere, whose singing is famous, will
ganized, and a sort of picnic on the have the complaisance  to  sing to
island of Inch Coombe; his Lordship's us."
cutter being the mode of conveyance   Miss Vere. "I should be happy,
to and from that spot.              Lady Barbara, but I have not brought
Now it happened on that very day my music."
Jean  Carnie's marriage was cele-   Lady Bar. " O, we are not critical;
brated on that very island by her re- the simplest air, or even a fragment
lations and fiiends.                of melody; the sea and the sky will
So that we shall introduce our read- be a  better accompaniment than
ers to                              Broadwood ever made."
THI-E  RIVAL; PICNICS.            11Miss'V. " I can't sing a note without book."
We begin with Les gels coslnle ilfaut.   Sir H. Talbot. "Your music is in
PICNIC NO. 1.             your soul, -not at your fingers'
ends."
The  servants were employed in   Lord Ipsden, to Lady Bar. " It is in
putting away dishes into hampers.    her book, and not in her soul."
There was a calm silence.           Lady Bar., to Lord Ips. " Then it
" Hem!" observed Sir Henry Tal- has chosen the better situation of the
bhot.                               two."
" Eh? " replied the Honorable Tom    Ips. " Miss Vere is to the fine art of
Hitherington.                       music what the engrossers are to the
" Mamma," said Miss Vere, "have black art of law; it all filters through
you brought any work l?"            them without leaving any sediment;
"No, my dear."                    and so the music of the day passes
" At a picnic," said Mr. Hither- through Miss Vele's mind, but none
ington, "isn't it the thing for some- remains -to stain its virgin snow."
body - aw - to do something? "     He bows, she smiles.
"Ipsden,"  said  Lady  Barbara,   Lady1 Bar., to herself  "Insolent:
"there is an understanding between and the little dunce thinks he is comyou and Mr. Hitherington.  I con- plimenting her."
demn you to turn him into English."   Ips. "Perhaps Talbot will come to.
" Yes, Lady Barbara; I'll tell you, our rescue, - he is a fiddler."
he means,- do you mean anything,   Tal. " An amateur of the violin."
Tom?"                                Ips. "It is all the same thing."
Hitherington. "Can't anybody guess   Lady Bar. "I wish it may prove
what I mean?"                      so."
Tal..Bis.         ~            Bis.
(Grave.):                 




34'                CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
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CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       135
Mriss.K "[ Beautifull."         like  me; they prelude, not play
JMrs. Irere. "Charming."         tunes."'t1ither. " Superb! "             Ips. " Then Heaven be thanked for
/Ips. "You are aware that good our blind fiddlers. You like syllables
music is a thing to be wedded to im- of sound in unmeaning rotation, and
mortal verse, shall I recite a bit of you despise its words, its purposes, its
poetry to match Talbot's strain? "  narrative, feats; carry out your prinlliiss V. " 0 yes! how nice."   ciple, it will show you where you are.
Ips. (rhetorically.)  " A. B. C. D. Buy a dirty palette for a picture, and
E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L. M. N. 0. P. dream the alphabet is a poem."
Q. R. S. T. U. V. W. X. Y. Z. Y. X.   Lady Bar., to herself:  "Is this my
W. V. U. T. S. O. N. M. L. K. J. I. cousin Richard?"'H. G. F. A. M. little p. little t."  ITither. "Mind, Ipsden, you are a
Lady Bar. " Beautiful! Superb! man of property, and there are such
Ipsden has been taking lessons on the things as commissions de luczatico."
thinking instrument."                Lady Bar. " His defence will be that
Hither.  " He has  been perdu his friends pronounce him insane."
amongst vulgar people."              ips. " No; I shall subpoena Talbot's
Tcid. "And expects a pupil of Herz fiddle, cross-examination will get nothto play him tunes!"               ing out of that but, do, re, mi, fa."
Lady Bar. "What are tunes, Sir   Lady Bar. "Yes, it will; fa, mi,
Henry "                            re, do."
Tal. "Something I don't play,   Tal. "Violin, if you please."
Lady Barbara."                       Lady Bar. "Ask Fiddle's pardon,
Lady Bar. "I understand you; directly."
something we ought to like."
something we ought to lie.Sound of yddles is heard in thle distance.
Ips. "I have a Stradivarius violin
at home: it is yours, Talbot, if you    Tal. " How lucky for you, there are
can define a tune."                fiddles and tunes, and the natives you
Tal. "A  tune  is -  everybody are said to favor, why not join them?"
knows what."                         Ips. (shaking his head soletnli?.) "I
Lady Bar. "A tune is a tune, that dread to encounter another prelude."
is what you meant to say."           Hither. " Come, I know you would
Tal. "Of course it is."          like; it is a wedding-party, - two
Lady Bar. "Be reasonable, Ips- sea monsters have been united. The
den; no man can do two things at sailors and fishermen are all blue cloth
once; how can the pupil of Herz con- and wash-leather gloves."
demn a thing and know what it means   Miss V. "He! he!"
contemporaneously? "                 Tal. " The fishwives unite the colors
Ips. " Is the drinking-song in' Der of the rainbow - "
Freischutz' a tune?"                Lady Bar. " (And we all know how
Lady Bar. "It is."               hideous they are) - to vulgar, bloomIps. " And the melodies of Handel, ing cheeks, staring white teeth, and
are they tunes? "                 sky-blue eyes.
Lady Bar. (pathetically.)  "They   Mrs. V  "How  satirical you are,
are! They are!"                   especially you, Lady Barbara."
Ips. "And the Russian Anthem,'   Here Lord Ipsden, after a word to
and the'Marseillaise,' and' Ah, Per- Lady Barbara, the answer to which
dona'? "                           did not appear to be favorable, rose,
Tal. " And Yankee Doodle?"       gave a little yawn, looked steadily at
Lady Bar. "So that Sir Henry, his companions without seeing them,
who prided himself on his ignorance, and departed without seeming aware
has a wide field for its dominion."    that he was leaving anybody behind
Tal. "All good violin-players do him.




130                     CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Hither.  "Let us go somewhere be, then I shall gie him  a hidin' an'
where we can quiz-the natives with- carry off the lass.  You-hoo 1 "
out being too near them."               Jean Carnie. " That's you, EluckLady Bar.  "I am tired of this un- er."
broken solitude, I must go and think    Christie Johnstone.  "And div ye
to the sea," added she, in a mock  really think we are gawn to let you
soliloquy; and out she glided with the  see a' the world chuse 2  Na, lad, ye
same unconscious air as his Lordship  are putten oot o' the room, like withad worn.                             nesses."
The others moved off slowly to-   Fluclcer. "Then I'd toss a penny;
gether.                              for gien ye trust to luck, she whiles
"Mamma," said  Miss Vere, "I favors ye, but gien ye commence to
can't understand half Barbara Sinclair reason and argefy- ye're done! "
says."                                  Christie. " The suitors had na your
" It is not necessary, my love," wit, my manny, or maybe they had
replied mamma; "she is rather eccen- na a penny to toss, saee ane chused
tric, and I fear she is spoiling Lord  the gowd, ane the siller; but they got
Ipsden."                              an awfu' affront.  The gold kist had
"Poor Lord  Ipsden," murmured just a skull intil't, and the siller a
the lovely Vere, "he used to be so  deed cuddy's head!"
nice, and do  like  everybody else.    Chories of Females. "He!! he! he!"
Mamma, I shall bring some work the    Ditto of Males. "Haw! haw! haw!
next timre."                          haw! Ho!"
"Do, my love."                        Christie. "An' Porsha puttit the
pair of gowks to the door. Then
PIcNic No. 2.              came Bassanio, the lad fra Veeneece,
that Porsha loed in secret. Veeneece,
In a house, two hundred  yards lasses, is a wonderful city; the streets
from this scene, a merry dance, suc- o''t are water, and the carriages are
ceeding a merry song, h-ad ended, and boats, -that's in Chambers'."
they were in the midst of an interest-   Flucker. " Wha are ye making a
ing story; Christie Johnstone was fool o'?"
the narrator.  She had found the tale    Christie. " What's wrang  "
in one of the Viscount's books, -it   Flhcker. "Yon's just as big a lee
had made a great impression on her.  as ever I heerd."
The rest were listening intently: in    The words were scarcely out of his
a room  which had  lately been all mouth ere he had reason to regret
noise, not a sound was now  to be them; a severe box on the ear was
heard but the narrator's voice.       administered by his indignant sister.
"Aweel, lasses, here are the three Nobody pitied him.
wee kists set, the lads are to chuse, -  Christie. "1'11 laern ye t' affront
the ane that chuses reicht is to get me before a' the company."
Porsha, an' the lave to get the bag,   Jean Carnie. " Suppose it's a lee,
and dee baitchelars; F- lucker John- there's nae silver to pay for it, Pluckstone, you that's sae clever,- are ye er."
for gowd, or siller, or leed? "        C(hristie. "Jean, I never telt a lee
1 st Fishwife. " Gowd for me!  in a' my days."
2d ditto. "The white siller's my    Jean. "There's ane to begin wi'
taste."                              then.  Go ahead, Custy."
Flucker. "Na! there's aye some    Christie. " She bade the music play
deevelish trick in thir lassie's stories. for him, for music brightens thoucht;
I shall lie to, till the ither lads hae ony way, he chose  the  leed kist.
chused; the mair part will put them- Open'st and was n't there Porsha's
sels oot, ane will hit it off reicht may- pictur, and a posy, that said,




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                           137' If you he well pleased with this,  tonio, ye mind o' him, lasses. Hech I
And hold your fortune for your bliss  the ill luck o' yen man, no a ship
Turn you where your leddy iss,ome hame;                foundered at se
And greet her wi' a loving -' "(Pause.) come hame; ane foundered at sea,
coming fra Tri-po-lis; the pirates
"Kess," roared the company.         scuttled another, an' ane ran ashore
Chorus, ledby iuclcer. "Hurraih!"  on the Goodwills, near Bright-helmClhristie (pathetically).  " Flucker, stane, that's in England itsel', I daur
behave!"                             say: sae he could na pay the three
Sanzdy Liston (drsunk). "I-Hu-raih! "  thoosand ducats, an' Shylock  had
He then solemnly reflected.   " Na! grippit him, an' sought the pund o'
but it's na hurraih, decency requires flesh aff the breest o' him, puir body."
amen first an' hurraih  afterwards;    Sancly Listoz. " He would na be
here's kissin plenty, but I hear nae the waur o' a wee bit hiding, you
word o' the minister. Ye'll obsairve, thundering urang-utang; let the man
young woman, that kissin's the pro- alane, ye cursed old cannibal."
logue to sin, and I'm  a decent meon,    Christie. " Poorsha keepit her man
an' a gray-headed mon, an' your licht but ae hoor till they were united, an'
stories are no for me; sae if the min- then sent him wi' a puckle o' her ain
ister's no expeckit I shall retire, —  siller to Veeneece, and Antonio, -
an' tak my quiet gill my lane."       think o' that, lassies, — pairted on
Jean Carnzie. "And div ye really  their wedding-day."
think a decent cummer like Custy   izziY Johnstone, a Fishwife, aged 12.
wad let the lad and lass misbehave  "Heclh! hech! it's lamdntable.
thirsels? Na! lad, the minister's at   Jean Carnie. "I'm  saying, mairthe door, but" (sinling her voice to  riage is quick wark, in some pairts,
a confidential whisper) " I daurna let - here there's an awfu' trouble to get
him in, for fbar he'd see ye hae putten  a man."
the enemy in your mooth sac aerly.   A young Fishswfe. "Ay, is there."
(That's Custy's word.")                  Omnes. " Hlaw! haw! haw!" (The
"Jemnmy Drysel," replied Sandy, fishwife hides.)
addressing vacancy, for Jemmy was    Christie. " Fill your taupsels, lads
mysteriously at work in the kitchen, and lasses, and awa to Veneece."
"ye hae gotten a thoughtfu' wife."    Sandy Listen (sturdily).  "I'll no
(Then, with a strong revulsion of gang to sea this day."
feeling.)  " Dinna let the blakgudrd 5*    C2hristie. "Noo, we are in the hall
in here," cried he, " to spoil the young  o' judgment.  Here are set the judges,
folk's sporrt."                       awfu' to behold; there, on his throne,
Christie. "Aweel, lassies, comes a presides the Juke."
letter to Bassanio; he reads it, and    Flucker. " She's awa to her Enngturns as pale as deeth."              lish."
A Fishzvwfe. " Gude help us."         Lizzy Johnstone.  " Did we come to
Clzristie. "Poorsha behooved to ken  Veeneece to speak Scoetch, ye useless
his grief, wha had a better reicht? fule?"'Here's a letter, leddy,' says he,    Christie. "Here, pale and hopeless,' the paper's the boedy of my freend, but resigned, stands the broken mairlike, and every word in it a gaping  chant, Antonio; there, wi' scales and
wound.'"                              knives, and revenge in his murderin'
A Fisherman. " Maircy on us."    eye, stands the crewel Jew Shylock."
Clristie. " Lad, it was fra puir An-    " Aweel," muttered Sandy, considerately, "I'll no mak a disturbance
* At present this is a spondee in England, on a wedding-day."
- a trochee in Scotland. The pronunciation    Christie. "They wait for Bell- I
of this important word ought to be fixed, rep- dinna mind his mind - a lacrned lawresenting, as it does, so large a portion of the
community in both countries.          yer, ony way; he's sick, but sends




138                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
ane mair laerned still, and, when this out; the rest appealed against the inane comes, he looks not older nor terruption.
wiser than mysel."                     Ch/ristie. " Hech! he's killed; Sandy
Flucker. " No possible! "        Liston's brake his neck."
Christie. " Ye needna be sae sarcy,   " What aboot it, lassy?" said a
Flucker, for when he comes to his young fisherman; "it's Antonio I'm
wark he soon lets'em ken, - runs his feared for; save him, lassy, if poeseen like lightening ower the boend. sible; but I doot ye'll no get him
" This bond's forfeit. Is Antonio not clear o' yon deevelich heathen.
able to  dischairge  the  money?'   "Aulcl  Sandy's cheap sairved,"' Ay! " cries Bassanio,' here's the added he, with all the indifference a
sum  thrice told.'  Says the young human tone could convey.
judge, in a bit whisper to Shylock,   " 0 Cursty," said Lizzy Johnstone,' Shylock, there's thrice thy money with a peevish accent, "dinna break
offered thee.  Be mairceful,' says he, the bonny yarn for naething."
out loud.'Wha'11 mak me?' says   Flucker  (returning).   "He's  a'
the Jew body.'Mak ye!' says he; reicht."'maircy is no a thing  ye strain    Christie. "Is he no dead?"
through a sieve, mon; it droppeth like  Fl/nlcrcer. "Him deed? he's sober,
the gentle dew fra' heaven upon the - that's a' the change I see."
place beneath; it blesses him  that   Christie.  "Can he speak?  I'm
gives and him that taks; it becomes asking ye."
the king better than his throne, and    Flulcer. "Yes, he can speak."
airthly power is maist like God's pow-   Christie. "What does he say, puir
er when maircy seasons justice.'"   body? "
Robert Haw, Fishermzan. " Dinna   Flhcker. "He sat lip, an' sought a
speak like that to me, onybody, or I gill fra' the wife - puir body!"
shall gie ye my boat, and fling my    Christie. " Hech, hech! he was my
nets intil it, as ye sail awa wi' her."   pupil in the airt o' sobriety! - aweel,
Jean Carnie. "Sae he let the puir the young judge rises to deliver the
deevil go. Oh! ye ken wha could  sentence of the coort.  Silence!"
stand up against siccan a shower o' thundered Christie.  A  lad and a
Ennglish as thaat."                 lass that were slightly flirting were
Christie. "He just said,' My deeds discountenanced.
upon my heed. I claim the law,' says    Christie.  "A  pund o' that same
he;'there is no power in the tongue mairchant's flesh is thine! the coort
o' man to alter me. I stay here on awards it, and the law does give it."
my boend.' "                           A younq Fishwife. "There, I thouncht
iSandy Liston. " I hae sat quiet! -  sae; he's gaun to cut him, he's ga.n
quiet I hae sat against my will, no to to cut him; I'1l no can bide." (Exdisturb Jamie Drysel's weddin'; but ibat.)
ye carry the game ower far, Shylock,   Christie. "There's a fulish golomy lad. I'll just give yon bluidy- shen.'Have by a doctor to stop the
minded  firang-fitaing a hidin', and blood.' —' I see nae doctor in the
blring Tony off, the gude, puir-spir- boend,' says the Jew body."
ited creature: and him, an' me, an'   Flucker. "Bait your hook wi' a
Bassanee, an' Porshee, we'll all hae boend, and ye shall catch yon carle's
a gill thegither."                  saul, Satin, my lad."
He rose, and was instantly seized    Christie (with disimal pathos). "0
by two of the company, from whom  Flucker, dinna speak evil o' deegnehe burst furiously, after a struggle, ties - that's maybe fishing for yourand the next moment was heard to sel' the noo! —'An' ye shall cut the
fall clean from the top to the bottom  flesh frae off his breest.'-' IA  senof the stairs. Flucker and Jean ran tence,' says Shylock,'come, prepare.'"




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         139
Christie made a dash en Shylock, and did n't she steal his very diamond
and the company trembled.           ring that his ain lass gied him when
C/hristie.  "' Bide a wee,' says the he was young, an' maybe no sac hardjudge,' this boend gies ye na a drap hairted? "
o' bluid; the words expressly are, a   Jean Carnie. "0 the jaud! suppund o' flesh! "'                  pose he was a Jew, it was na her business to clean him oot."
(A Dramatic Pause.)           A.young Fishwzuife. "Aweel, it was
only a Jew body, that's my comfort."
Jean  C.arnie (drawing her breath).   Christie. "Ye speak as a Jew was
"That's into your mutton, Shylock." na a man; has not a Jew eyes, if ye
Czhristie (with dismal pathos).  "0  please?"
Jean! yon's an awfu' voolgar expras-   Lizzy Johnstone. "Ay, has lie! —
sion to come fira' a woman's mooth."  and the awfuest lang neb atween em."
"Could ye no hae said,'intil his    Christie. "Has not a Jew affections,
bacon.'? " said Lizzy Johnstone, con- paassions, organs  "
firming the remonstrance.             Jean.  "Na! Christie; thir lads
Chrlistie. "Then tak your boend, comes fr' Italy!"
an' your pund o' flesh, but in cutting    C'hristie. " If you prick him, does
o''t, if thou dost shed one drop of he not bleed? if you tickle him, does
Christian bluid, thou diest!"      na he lauch? "
Jean Carnie. "Hech!"                A youl.q Fishwife (pertly). "I never
Christie.  " Thy goods are by the kittlet a Jew, for my pairt, - sae I'11
laws of Veneece con-fis-cate, confis- no can tell ye."
cate! "                               Chlristie. "If you poison him, does
Then, like an artful narrator, she lie not die? and if you wrang him,"
began to wind up the story more rap- (withlfurq,) " shall he not revenge?"
idly.                                  Lizy JIohnstone. " Oh! but ye're a
"Sae Shylock got to be no sac fearsome lass."
saucy:'Pay the boend thrice,' says    Clhristie. "Wha'll give me a sang
he,'and let the puir deevil go.' -   for my bonny yarn?"'Here it's,' says Bassanio. - Na! the   Lord Ipsden, who had been an unyoung judge wadna let him. -' He observed auditor of the latter part of
has refused it in open coort; no a the tale, here inquired whethershe had
bawbee for Shylock but just the for- brought her book.
feiture; an' he daur na tak it.' -' I'm  " What'n bulik? "
awa',' says he.'The deivil tak ye   "Your music-book!"
a'.'- Na! lie wasna to win clear sace;   "Here's my music-book," said Jean,
ance they'd gotten the Jew on the roughly tapping her head.
hepl, they worried  him, like good    "And here's mines," said Christie,
Christians, that's a fact. The judge bird-ly, touching her bosom.
fand a law that fitted him, for conspir-   " Richard," said she, thoughtfully,
ing against the life of a citizen; an' I wish ye may no lhae been getting in
he behooved to give up hoose an' lands, voolgar company: div ye think we
and be a Christian; you was a soor hae minds like rinning water?"
drap, - he talned no weel, puir auld   Fclzcer (amec nmalice). "And tongues
villain, an' scairtit; an' the lawyers like the Inill-clack abune it   Be-,
sent ane o' their weary parchments cause if ve think sae, captain, -ye're
till his hoose, and the puir auld hea- no far wrang!"
then signed awa' his siller, an' Abra-   Christie. " Na! we hae na muckle
ham, an' Isaac, an'Jacob, on the heed gowd maybe; but our minds are
o''t. I pity hinm, an auld, auld man; gowden vessels."
and his dochter had rin off wi' a   Jean. "Aha! lad."
Christian lad, -they ca' her Jessica,   C'hristie. " They are not saxpenny




140                     CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
sieves, to let music an' metre through, more pleasure as articulate singing is
and leave us none the wiser or better. superior to tunes played on the voice
Dinna gang in low voolgar company, by a young lady:
or you a lost laddy."                   Or the clean playing of my mother
Ipsden. " Vulgar, again!  every- to the piano-forte splashing of my
body has a different sense for that daughter; though the latter does atword, I think.  What is vulgar?"    tack the instrument as a washerwoman
Christie. " Voolgar folk sit on an  her soapsuds, and the former works
chair, ane, twa, whiles three hours, like a lady.
eatin' an' abune a' drinkin', as still as    Or skating to sliding 
hoegs, or gruntin' puir every-day    Or English verse to dactyls in Engclashes, goessip, rubbich; when ye are lish:
aside them, ye might as weel be aside    Or painting to daubing:
a cuddy; they canna gie ye a sang,   Or preserved strawberries to strawthey canna gie ye a story, they canna berry jam.
think ye a thoucht, to save their use-   What says Goldsmith of the two
less lives; that's voolgar folk."   styles?.Se sings. "A caaller herrin'!"      "They swam, sprawled, frisked,
Jean. "A caaller herrin'!"         and  languished; but Olivia's foot
Omines.                            was as pat to the music as its echo."
"' Come buy my bonny caaller herrin',    -  Vicar of Fak-eield.
Six a penny caaller from the sea," &c.  Newhaven  dancing  aims also at
fun; laughter mingles with agility;
The music chimed in, and the mo- grotesque, yet graceful gestures are
ment the song was done, without flung in, and  little inspiring cries
pause, or anything to separate or chill flung out.
the succession of the arts, the fiddles    His Lordship soon entered into the
diverged with a gallant plunge into  spirit of it. Deep in the mystery of
"The Dusty Miller."  The dancers the hornpipe, he danced one or two
found their feet by an instinct as rap- steps Jean and Christie had never
id, and a rattling reel shook the floor seen, but their eyes were instantly on
like thunder. Jean Carnie assumed  his feet, and they caught in a minute
the privilege of a bride, and seized his and executed these same steps.
Lordship; Christie, who had a mind    To see Christie Johnstone do the
to dance with him  too, took Flucker double-shuffle with her arms so saucaptive, and these four were one reel! cily akimbo, and her quick elastic
There were seven others.             foot at an angle of forty-five, was a
The principle of reel dancing is ar- treat.
ticulation; the foot strikes the ground    The dance became inspiriting, infor every accented note (and, by the spiring, intoxicating; and, when the
by, it is their weakness of accent fiddles at last left off, the feet went on
which makes all English reel and  another seven bars by the enthusiashornpipe players such failures).     tic impulse.
And in the best steps of all, which    And so, alternately spinning yarns,
it has in common with the hornpipe, singing songs, dancing, and making
such as the quick "heel and toe," fun, and mingling something of heart
"the sailor's flint," and the " double  and brain in all, these benighted creashuffle," the foot strikes the ground tures made themselves happy instead
for every single note of the instrument.  of peevish, and with a day of stout,
All good dancing is beautiful.     vigorous, healthy pleasure, refreshed,
B3ut this articulate dancing, com- indemnified, and warmed themselves
pared with the loose, lawless diffluence for many a day of toil.
of motion that goes by that name,   Such were the two picnics of Inch
gives me (I must confess it) as much  Coombe, and  these rival cliques,




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         141
agreeing in nothing else, would have have done, he made a series of tacks,
agreed in this: each, if allowed (but and all were ill.
we won't allow either) to judge the    The earnest man first; and Fluckother, would have pronounced  the er announced the skipper's insanity to
same verdict:-                     the whole town of Newhaven, for, of
Is ne saent pas viure ces gens-lh"'course, these tacks were all marine
solecisms.
The other discontented Picnician
was Christie Johnstone. Gatty never
came; and this, coupled with five or
CHAPTER XI.                six days' previous neglect, could no
longer pass unnoticed.
Two of our personages left Inch    Her gayety failed her before the
Coombe less happy than when they afternoon was ended; and the last
came to it.                         two hours were spent by her alone,
Lord  Ipsden  encountered  Lady  watching the water on all sides for
ZBarbara with Mr. * -**, who had him.
joined her upon the island.           At last, long after the departure of
He found them discoursing, as usu- his Lordship's yacht, the Newhaven
al, about the shams of the present boat sailed from Inch Coombe with
day, and the sincerity of Cromwell the wedding party.  There was now
and Mahomet, and he found himself a strong breeze, and the water every
de trop.                            now and then came on board: so the
They made him, for the first time, men set the foresail with two reefs,
regret the loss of those earnest times and drew the nmainsail over the wowhen, "to avoid the inconvenience of men; and there, as they huddled toboth addressing the same lady," you gether in the dark, Jean Carnie discould cut a rival's throat at once, and covered  that our gay story-teller's
be smiled on by the fair and society.  eyes were wet with tears.
That a book-maker should blas-   Jean said nothing: she embraced
pheme high civilization, by which  her; and made them flow faster.
alone he exists, and one of whose   But, when they came alongside the
diseases and flying pains he is, neither pier, Jean, who was the first to get
surprised nor moved him; but that her head from under the sail, whipped
any human being's actions should be it back again, and said to Christie:affected by such tempestuous twaddle    "Here he is, Christie; dinna speak
was ridiculous.                     till him."
And that the witty Lady Barbara    And sure enough there was, in the
should be caught by this chaff was in- twilight, with a pale face and an untolerable; he began to feel bitter.  easy look, - Mr. Charles Gatty!
He had the blessings of the poor,   He peered timidly into the boat,
the good opinion of the world; every  and, when he saw Christie, an " Ah! "
living creature was prepossessed in  that seemed to mean twenty different
his favor but one, and that one de- things at once, burst from his bosom.
spised him; it was a diabolical preju- He held out his arm to assist her.
dice; it was the spiteful caprice of his   She cast on him one glance of mute
fate.                               reproach, and, placing her foot on the
His heart, for a moment, was in boat's gunwale, sprang like an antedanger of deteriorating.  He was mis- lope upon the pier, without accepting
erable; the Devil suggested to him, his assistance.
"-make others miserable too"; and   Before going further, we must go
he listened to the advice.          back for this boy, and conduct him
There was a fine breeze, but in- from  where we left him  up to the
stead of sailing on a wind, as he might present point.




142                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
The momenthe found himselfalone join her party at Inch Coombe, or
with Jean Carnie, in his own house, never look her in the face again, scales
he began to tell her what trouble he seemed to fallfom n his eyes; andl, with
was in; how his mnother had convinced a heart that turned in a moment from
him. of his imprudence in falling in lead to a feather, he vowedl he would
love with Christie Johnstone;  and be at Inch Coombe.
how she insisted on a connection be-   He then begged Jean on no account
ing broken off, which had given him  to tell Christie the struggle he had
his first glimpse of heaven upon earth, been subjected to, since his scruples
and was contrary to common sense.   were now entirely conquered.
Jean heard him out, and then, with   Jean acquiesced at once, and said:
the air of a lunatic-asylum keeper to " Indeed, she would be very sorry to
a rhodomontading  patient, told him  give the lass that muckle pain."
"he was one fool, and his mother   She hinted, moreover, that her necewas another."  First she took him up bor's spirit was so high, she was quite
on the score of prudence.          capable of breaking with him at once
"You," said she, "are a beggarly upon such an intimation; and she,
painter, without a rap; Christie has Jean, was " nae mischief-maker."
houses, boats, niets, and money; you   In the energy of his gratitude, he
are in debt; she lays by money every kissed this dark-browed beauty, proweek. It is not prudent on her part fessing to see in her a sister.
to take up with you, — the better   And she made no resistance to this
your bargain, my lad."             way of showing gratitude, but mut-'
Under the head of common sense, tcred between her teeth, "He's just a
which she maintained was all on the bairn! "
same side of the question, she calmly   And so she went about her business.
inquired: -                          On her retreat, his mother returned
" How could an old woman of six- to him, and, with a sad air, hoped
ty be competent to judge how far nothing that that rude girl had said
human happiness depends on love, had weakened his filial duty.
when she has no experience of that   "No, mother," said he.
passion, and the reminiscences of her   She then, without explaining how
youth have become dim  and dark? she came acquainted with Jean's arYou might as well set a judge in guments, proceeded to demolish them
courlt, that has forgotten the law, -  one by one.
common sense," said she, "the old   "If your mother is old and experiwife is sixty, and you are twenty, -  enced," said she, " benefit by her age
what can she da for you the forty years and experience.  She has not forgotyou may reckon to outlive her? Who ten love, nor the ills-it leads to, when
is to keep you through those weary not fortified by plrudence. Scripture
years but the wife of your own choice, says a man shall cleave to his wife
not your mother's?  You English when he has left his parents; but in
does na read the Bible, or ye'd ken making that, the most important step
that a lad is to' leave his father and of life, where do you read that he is to
mother, and cleave until his wife,'" break the fifth commandment? But I
added she; then with great contempt do you wrong, Charles, you never
she repeated, " common sense, in- could have listened to that vulgar girl
deed-! ye're fou wi' your common when she told you your mother was
sense; ye hae the name o''t pat eneuch, not your best friend."
-- but there's na muckle o' that mair-   " N-no, mother, of course not."
chandise in your harns."             "Then you will not go to that place
Gattv was astonished: what! was to break my Ileart, and undo all you
there really common sense on the side have done this week."
of bliss? and when Jean told him to   "I should like to go, mother."




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       143
"You will break my heart if you Flucker, had seen her perched on
do."                               a rock, like a mermaid, watching their
"Christie will feel herself slighted, progress, which had been slow, beand she has not deserved this treat- cause the skipper, infatuated with so
ment from me."                     sudden a passion, had made a series
"The other will explain to her, and of ungrammatical tacks."
if she is as good a girl as you say-"    For his part he was glad, said the
" She is an angel!"             gracious Flucker; the lass was a pride"How can a fishwife be an angel? ful hussy, that had given some twenty
Well, then, she will not set a son to lads a sore heart and him many a sore
disobey his mother."               back; and he hoped lhis skipper, with
" I don't think she would! but is whom he naturally identified himself
all the goodness to be on her side? "  rather than with  his sister, would
"No, Charles, you do your part; avenge the male sex upon her."
deny yourself, be an obedient child,   In short, he went upon this tack till
and your mother's blessing and the he drove poor Gatty nearly mad.
blessing of Heaven will rest upon   Here was a new feeling superadded;
you."                              at first he felt injured, but on reflection
In short, he was not to go to Inch what cause of complaint had he?
Coombe.                              He had neglected her; he might
He stayed at home, his mother set have been her partner, - he had left
him to work; he made a poor hand her to find one where she could.
of it, he was so wretched. She at last   Fool, to suppose that so beautiful a
took compassion on him, and in the creature would ever be neglected —
evening, when it was now too late for except by him!
a sail to Inch Coombe, she herself  It was more than he could bear.
recommended a walk to him.           He determined to see her, to ask her
The poor boy's feet took him to- forgiveness, to tell her everything, to
wards Newhaven, not that he meant beg her to decide, and, for his part, he
to go to his love, but he could not for- would abide by her decision.
bear fiom looking at the place which    Christie Johnstone, as we have alheld her.                          ready related, declined his arm, sprang
He was about to return, when a like a deer upon the pier, and walked
spacious  blue  jacket hailed him. towards her home, a quarter of a mile
Somewhere inside this jacket was distant.
Master Flucker, who had returned in   Gatty followed  elr, disconsolately,
the yacht, leaving his sister on the isl- hardly knowing what to do.
and.                                 At last, observing that she drew
Gatty instantly poured out a flood near enough to the wall to allow room
of questions.                      for another on the causeway, he had
The baddish boy reciprocated flu- just nous enough to creep alongside,
ency: he informed him "that his sis- and pull her sleeve somewhat timter had been the star of a goodly com- idly.
pany, and that, her own lad having    " Christie, I want to speak to you."
stayed away, she had condescended to   " What can ye hae to say till me? "
make a conquest of the skipper him-   " Christie, I am very unhappy; and
self..                I want to tell you why, but I have
"He had come in quite at the tag-  hardly the strength or the courage."
end of one of her stories, but it had   "Ye shall come ben my hoose if ye
been sufficient to do his business, -  are unhappy, and we'll hear your stohe had danced with her, had even ry; come away."
whistled whilst she sung. (Hech, it   He had never been admitted into her
was bonny! )                      house before.
"And when the cutter sailed, he,   They found it clean as a snowdrift.




144                    CHRISTIE JOHINSTONE.
They found a bright filre, and Fluck-   Bat our hero's appetite had returned
er frying innumerable steaks.       with his chanoe of purpose, and he inThe baddish boy had obtained them  staatly volunteered to give the rein his sister's name and at her ex- quired proof of affection.
pense, at the flesher's, and claimed    Accordingly two pound of steaks fell
credit for his affection.            before him.
-Potatoes he had boiled in their jack-   Poor boy, he had haldly eaten a
ets, and so skilfully, that those jackets genuine meal for a week past.
hung by a thread.                      Christie sat opposite him, and every
Christie laid an unbleached table- time he looked off his plate he saw
cloth, that somehow  looked sweeter her rich blue eyes dwelling on him.
than a white one, as brown bread is   Everything contributed to warm his
sweeter than white.                 heart, he yielded to the spell, he beBut lo, Gatty could not eat; so then came contented, happy, gay.
Christie would not, because he refused    Flucker ginger-cordialled him, his
her cheer.                           sister bewitched him.
The baddish boy chuckled, and ad-   She related the day's events in a
dressed himself to the nice brown merry mood.
steaks with their rich gravy.           ir. Gatty burst forth into singing.
On such occasions a solo on the   He sung two light and sombre triknife and fork seemed better than a fles, such as in the present day are
trio to the gracious Flucker.        deemed generally encouraging to spirChristie moved about the room, do- its, and particularly in accordance
ing little household matters; Gatty's with the sentiment of supper, - they
eye followed her.                   were about Death and Ivy Green.
Her beauty lost nothing in this small   The dog's voice was not very powapartment; she was here, like a bril- erful, but sweet and round as honey
liant in some quaint, rough setting, dropping from the comb.
which all earth's jewellers should de-   His two hearers were entranced, for
spise, and all its poets admire, and it the creature sang with an inspiration
should show off the stone and not good singers dare not indulge.
itself.                                He concluded by informing Christie
Her beauty filled the room, and al- that the ivy was symbolical of her, and
most made the spectators ill.       the oak prefigured Charles Gatty, Esq.
Gatty asked  himself whether he   He might have inverted the simile
could really have been such a fool as with more truth.
to think of giving up so peerless a   In short, he never said a word to
creature.                            Christie about parting with her, but
Suddenly an idea occurred to him, several about being buried in the same
a bright one, and not inconsistent with grave with her, sixty years hence, for
a true artist's character, - he would which the spot he selected was Westdecline to act in so doubtful a case: minster Abbey.
he would float passively down the tide    And away he went, leaving golden
of events, - he would neither desert opinions behind him.
her, nor disobey his mother; he would    The next day Christie was so affecttake everything as it came, and to be- ed with his conduct, coming as it
gin, as he was there, he would for the did after an apparent coolness, that
present say nothing but what he felt, she conquered her bashfulness and
and what he felt was that he loved her. called on the " Vile Count," and with
He told her so accordingly.       some blushes and hesitation inquired,
She replied, concealing her satisfac- " Whether a painter lad was a fit subtion, " that, if he liked her, he would ject of charity."
not have refused to eat when she asked    " Why not?" said his Lordship.
him."                                  She then told him Gatty's case, and




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         145
he instantly promised to see that art-  him and his picture; and she was so
ist's pictures, particularly ane " awfuI' full of the good fortune likely to enbonny ane"; the hero of which she sue, that she was neglectful of minor
described as an English  minister considerations.
blessing the bairns with one hand,   It so happened, however, that cerand giving orders to kill the puir tain interruptions prevented her from
Scoetch with the other.             ever delivering herself of the news in
"C'est egal,"  said  Christie in question.
Scotch, " it's awfu' bonny."          First, Gatty himself came to her,
Gattyreached homelate; his moth- and, casting uneasy glances at the
er had retired to rest.             door by which his mother had just
But the next morning she drew  gone out, said:from  him what had happened, and    "Christie!"
then ensued another of those dialogues    "My lad!"
which I am ashamed again to give the    "I want to paint your likeness."
reader.                                This was for a souvenir, poor fellow!
Suffice it to say, that she once more    " Hech! I wad like fine to be paintprevailed, though with far greater dif- ed."
ficulty; time was to be given him to    " It must be exactly the same size
unsew a connection which he could as yourself, and so like you, that,
not cut asunder, and he, with tearful should we be parted, I may seem not
eyes and a heavy heart, agreed to to be quite alone in the world."
take some step the very first opportu-   Here he.was obliged to turn his
nity.                               head away.
This concession was hardly out of    " But we'll no pairt," replied Chrishis mouth, ere his mother made him  tie, cheerfully. " Suppose ye're puir,
kneel down and bestowed her blessing I'm  rich, and it's a' one; dinna be
upon him.                           so cast down for auchty pund."
He received it coldly and dlully, and    At this. a slipshod servant entered,
expressed a languid hope it might and said -
prove a charm to save him from de-   "There's a fisher lad, inquiring for
spair; and sad, bitter, and dejected, Christie Johnstone."
forced himself to sit down and work    "It will be FlueJeer," said Christie;
on the picture that was to meet his "show him ben. What's wrang the
unrelenting creditor's demand.      noo, I wonder! "
He was working on his picture, and    The baddish boy entered, took up
his mother, with her needle at the ta- a position, and remained apparently
ble, when a knock was heard, and gay passive, hands in pockets.
as a lark, and fresh as the dew on the    Christie. " Aweel, what est  "
shamrock, Christie Johnstone stood in    Flucker. "Custy."
person in the apartment.               Ch/istie. "What's your will, my
She was evidently the bearer of manny?"
good tidings; but, before she could   Fltlcker.  "Custy, I was at Inch
express them, Mrs. Gatty beckoned Keith the day."
her son aside, and announcing, "she    Christie. " And hae ye really come
should be within hearing," bade him  to Edinbro' to tell me thaat? "
take the occasion that so happily pre-   Fluclcer (dryly). "Oh! ye ken the
sented itself, and make the first step.  lasses are a hantle wiser than we are,
At another time, Christie, who had - will ye hear me? South Inch Keith,
learned fiom Jean the arrival of Mrs. I played. a bowl i' the water, just for
Gatty, would have been struck with divairsion, - and I catched twarree
the old lady's silence; but she came fish!"
to tell the depressed painter that the    Christie. "Floonders, I bet."
charitable Viscount was about to visit   Flucker.  "Does floonders swim
7                                 J




1;46                   CHRISTIE JOINSTONE.
high?  I'11 let you see his gills, and    And so that happened to Christie
if ye are a reicht fishwife ye'll smell Johnstone which has befallen many
bluid."                             a woman, - the greatness of her love
Here he opened his jacket, and made that love appear small to her
showed a bright little fish.        lover.
In a moment all Christie's noncha-   "Ah! mother," cried he, "I must
lance gave way to a fiery animation. live for you and my art; I am not so
She darted to Flucker's side.       dear to her as I thought."
" Ye hae na been sae daft as tell?"   And so, with a sad heart, he turned
asked she.                          away from  her; whilst she, with a
Flucker shook his head contemptu- light heart, darted away to think and
ously.                              act for him.
"Ony birds at the island, Flucker?" "
"Sea-maws, plenty, and a bird I
dinna ken; he moonted sae high, then          CHAPTER XII.
doon like thunder intil the sea, and
gart the water flee as high as Haman,   IT was some two hours after this
and porpoises as big as my boat."    that a gentleman, plainly dressed, but
" Porr-poises, fulish laddy, —ye hae whose clothes seemed a part of himseen the herrin whale at his wark, and self (whereas mine I have observed
the solant guse ye hae seen her at hang upon me; and the Rev. Josiah
wark; and beneath the sea, Flucker, Splitall's stick to him), - glided into
every coedfish and doegfish, and fish the painter's room, with an inquiry
that has teeth, is after them; and half whether he had not a picture or two
Scotland wad be at Inch Keith Island  disposable.
if they kenned what ye hae tell't me,   " I have one finished picture, sir,"
- dinna speak to me."               said the poor boy; "but the price is
During this, Gatty, who did not high!"
comprehend this sudden excitement,   He brought it, in a faint-hearted
or thought it childish, had tried in way; for he had shown it to five
vain to win her attention.          picture-dealers, and all five agreed it
At last he said, a little peevishly, was hard.
"Will you not attend to me, and tell   He had painted a lime-tree, distant
me at least when you will sit to me? "  fifty yards, and so painted it that it
" Set! " cried she. " When there's looked something like a lime-tree fifty
nae wark to be done stanning."      yards off.
And with this she was gone. - At   "That was  mesqtin.,"  said his
the foot of the stairs, she said to her judges; "the poetry of painting rebrother:-                          quired abstract trees, at metaphysi" Puir lad! I'11 sune draw auchty cal distance, not the various trees of
punds fra' the sea for him, with my nature, as they appear under positive
feyther's nets."                    accidents."
As she disappeared, Mrs. Gatty ap-   On this Mr. Gatty had deluged
peared.                             them with words.
"And this is the woman whose   "When it is art, truth, or sense
mind was not in her dirty business," to fuse a cow, a horse, and a critic
cried she.                          into one Indistinguishable quadruped,
"Does not that open your eyes, with six legs, then it will be art to
Charles? "                         melt an ash, an elm, and a lime,
" Ah! Charles," added she, ten- things that differ more than quadruderly, "there's no friend like a moth- peds, into what you call abstract trees,
er."                                that any man who has seen a tree, as
And off she carried the prize, —  well as looked  at one, would call
his vanity had been mortified.      drunken stinging-nettles. You, who




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       147
never look at nature, how can you   "Eighty pounds."
judge the arts, which are all but cop-   " I take it," said his visitor, quietly.
ies of nature? At two hundred yards'   What, no  more  difficulty  than
distance, full-grown trees are more that? He felt almost disappointed
distinguishable than the animal tribe. at gaining his object so easily.
Paint me an abstract human being,   "I am obliged to you, sir; much
neither man nor a woman," said he, obliged to you," he added, for he re"and then I will agree to paint a flected what eighty pounds were to
tree that shall be no tree; and, if no him just then.
man will buy it, perhaps the father of   "It is my descendants who are
lies will take it off my hands, and obliged to you," replied the gentlehang it in the only place it would not man; "the picture is immortal!"
disgrace."                           These words were an epoch in the
In short, he never left off till he had painter's life.
crushed the non-buyers with eloquence   The grave, silent inspection that
and satire; but he could not crush had preceded them, the cool, deliberthem into buyers, - they beat him at ate, masterly tone in which they were
the passive retort.                said, made them oracular to him.
Poor Gatty, when the momentary    Words of such import took him by
excitement of argument had subsided, surprise.
drank the bitter cup all must drink   He had thirsted for average praise
awhile, whose bark is alive and strong in vain.
enough to stem the current down   A hand had taken him, and placed
which the dead, weak things of the him at the top of the tree.
world are drifting, many of them into   He retired abruptly, or he would
safe harbors.                      have burst into tears.
And now he brought out his pic-   He ran to his mother.
ture with a heavy heart.             " Mother," said he, "I am a paint"Now," said he to himself, "this er; I always thought so at bottom,
gentleman will talk me dead, and but I suppose it is the height of my
leave me no richer in coin, and poorer ideas makes me discontented with my
in time and patience."             work."
The picture was placed in a light,   " What has happened?"
the visitor sat down before it.      " There is a critic in my room. I
A long pause ensued.             had no idea there was a critic in the
" Has he fainted?" thought Gatty, creation, and there is one in my room."
ironically; " he does n't gabble.    " "Has he bought your picture, my
"If you do not mind painting be- poor boy?" said Mrs. Gatty, distrustfore me," said the visitor, " I should fully.
be glad if you would continue whilst   To her surprise he replied:I look into this picture."           "Yes! he has got it; only eighty
Gatty painted.                   pounds for an immortal picture."
The visitor held his tongue.       Mrs. Gatty was overjoyed, Gatty
At first the silence made the artist was a little sad; but, reviving, he
uneasy, but by degrees it began to professed himself glad; the picture
give him pleasure; whoever this was, was going to a judge.
it was not one of the flies that had   "It is not much money," said he,
hitherto stung him, nor the jackdaws "but the man has spoken words that
that had chattered him dead.       are ten thousand pounds to me."
Glorious silence! he began to paint   He returned to the room; his visunder its influence like one inspired.  itor, hat in hand, was about to go; a
Half an hour passed thus.        few words were spoken about the art
"What is the price of this work of of painting, this led to a conversation,
art?"                             and then to a short discussion.




148                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
The new-comer soon showed Mr. i could not help being struck by the
Charles Gatty his ignorance of facts.  coincidence.
This man had sat quietly before a   He had made a sacrifice to his
multitude of great pictures, new and mother, and in a few hours one of his
old, in England.                    troubles had melted away.
He cooled down  Charles Gatty,   In the midst of these reflections arEsq., monopolist of nature and truth. rived Mr. Saunders with a note.
He quoted to him thirty painters in    The note contained a check for one
Germany, who paint every stroke of a hundred and fifty pounds, with these
landscape in the open air, and forty lines, in which the writer excused
in various nations who had done it in himself for the amendment: " I am a
times past.                         painter myself," said he, "and it is
"You, sir," he went on, " appear impossible that eighty pounds can
to hang on the skirts of a certain remunerate the time expended on this
clique, who handle the brush well, picture, to say nothing of the skill."
but draw  ill, and look at nature    We have treated this poor boy's picthrough the spectacles of certain igno- ture hitherto with just contempt, but
rant painters who spoiled canvas four now that it is gone into a famous collechundred years ago.                  tion, mind, we always admired it; we
"Go no further in that direction.   always said so, we take our oath we
"Those boys, like all quacks, have did; if we have hitherto deferred framone great truth which they disfigure ing it, that was merely because it was
with more than one falsehood.       not sold.
"Hold fast their truth, which is a
truth the world has always possessed, MR. GATTY'S PICTURE, AT PRESENT
though its practice has been confined   IN THE COLLECTION OF LORD IPsto the honest and laborious few.      DEN!
"Eschew  their want of mind and
taste.                                There was, hundreds of years ago,
" Shrink with horror from that pro- a certain Bishop of D)urham, who used
fane culte de laideur, that' love of the to fight in person against the Scotch,
lop-sided,' they have recovered from  and defeat them. When he was not
the foul receptacles of decayed art.'"  with his flock, the northern wolves
He reminded  him  further, that sometimes scattered it; but when the
"Art is not imitation, but illusion; holy father was there, with his prayers
that a plumber and glazier of' our day and his battle-axe, England won the
and a medieval painter are more day!
alike than any two representatives of   This nettled the Scottish king, so he
general styles that can be found; and penetrated one day, with a large band,
for the same reason, namely, that with as far as Durham  itself, and for a
each of these art is in its infancy; short time blocked the prelate up in
these two sets of bunglers have not his stronghold. This was the period
learned how to produce the illusions of Mr. Gatty's picture.
of art."                              Whose title was:To all this he added a few words of   "Iaof Church of God, half Zower
compliment on the mind, as well as against the Scot."
mechanical dexterity, of the purchased   In the background was the cathepicture, bade him good morning, and dral, on the towers of which paced to
glided away like a passing sunbeam.  and fro men in armor, with the west"A  mother's blessing is a great ern sun glittering thereon. In the
thing to have, and to deserve," said centre, a horse and cart, led by a boy,
Mrs. Gatty, who had rejoined her were carrying a sheaf of arrows, tied
son.                                with a straw band.  In part of the
" It is, indeed," said Charles. He foreground was the prelate, in a half



CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         149
suit of armor, but bareheaded; he   The youngster was discomfited.
was turning away fromn the boy to   In fact the expedition bore no signs
whom his sinking hand had indicated of fishing.
his way into the holy castle, and his   The six boats sailed at sundown,
benignant glance rested on a child, led by Flucker: he brought to on the
whom its mother was holding up for south side of Inch Keith, and nothing
his benediction. In the foreground happened for about an hour.
the afternoon beams sprinkled gold on    Then such boys as were awake saw
a long grassy slope, corresponding to two great eyes of light coming up
the elevation on which the cathedral from  Granton; rattle went the chain
stood, separated by the river Wear cable, and Lord Ipsden's cutter swung
fiom the group; and these calm beau- at anchor in four fathom water.
ties of Nature, with the mother and    A thousand questions to Flucker.
child, were the peaceful side of this    A single puff of tobacco-smoke was
twofold story.                      his answer.
Such are the dry details. But the    And now crept up a single eye of
soul of its charm no pen can fling on light from  Leith; she came among
paper. For the stately cathedral stood the boats; the boys recognized a craand lived; the little leaves slumbered zy old cutter from Leith harbor, with
yet lived; and the story floated and  Christie Johnstone on board.
lived, in the potable gold of summer   " What is that brown heap on her
afternoon.                           deck? "
To look at this painted poem was   " A mountain of nets, - fifty stout
to feel a thrill of pleasure in bare ex- herring-nets."
istence; it went through the eyes,   Tunc noan festa fides.
where paintings stop, and warmed the   A yell burst from all the boys.
depths and recesses of the heart with    " He's gaun to tak us to Dunbar."
its sunshine and its glorious air.     "Half a croown! ye're no blate."
Christie ordered the boats alongside
her cutter, and five nets were dropped
into each boat, six into Flucker's.
The depth of water was given them;
CHAPTER  XIII.L             and they were instructed to shoot their
nets so as to keep a fathom and a half
"WHAT is in the wind this dark above the rocky bottom.
night?  Six Newhaven boats and    A  herring net is simply a wall of
twenty boys and hobbledehoys, hired meshes twelve feet deep, fifty feet
by the Johnstones at half a crown long; it sinks to a vertical position
each for a night's job."            by the weight of net twine, and is
" Secret service! "              kept from  sinking to the bottom of
"What is it for?"                the sea by bladders or corks. These
"I think it is a smuggling lay," nets are tied to one another, and paid
suggested  Flucker, "but we shall out at the stern of the boat. Boat and
know all in good time."             nets drift with the tide; if, therefore,
" Smuggling! "   Their counte- the nets touched the rocks they would
nances fell; they had hoped for some- be torn to pieces, and the fisherman
thing more nearly approaching the it- ruined.
legal."                               And this saves the herring, - that
" Maybe she has fand the herrin'," fish lies hours and hours at the very
said a ten-year-old. -              bottom of the sea like a stone, and the
"I-IHaw! haw  hw! haw!" went the oth- poor fisherman shall drive with his
ers.  " She find the herrin', when nets a yard or two over a square mile
there's five hundred fishermen after of fish, and not catch a herring tail;
them baith sides the'Firrth."      on the other hand, if they rise to play




150                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
for five minutes, in that five minutes   No long time was required.
they shall fill seven hundred boats.  In five minutes he began to haul in
At niie o'clock all the boats had the net; first, the boys hauled in the
shot their nets, and  Christie went rope, and then the net began to apalongside his Lordship's cutter; he proach the surface. Flucker looked
asked her many questions about her- anxiously down, the other lads inring fishery, to which she gave clear credulously; suddenly they all gave
answers, derived from her father, who a yell of triumph, - an appearance of
had always been what the fishermen silver and lightning mixed had glanced
call a lucky fisherman; that is, he had up from the bottom; in came the first
opened his eyes and judged for himself. two yards of the net, - there were
Lord Ipsden,then gave her blue three herrings in it.  These three
lights to distribute among the boats, proved Flucker's point as well as
that the first which caught herring  three million.
might signal all hands.                They hauled in the net.  Before
This was done, and all was expec- they had a quarter of it in, the net
tation.                             came up to the surface, and the sea
Eleven o'clock came, — no signal was alive with molten silver. The
from any boat.                      upper half of the net was empty, but
Christie became anxious: at last the lower half was one solid mass of
she went round to the boats; found fish.
the boys all asleep except the baddish    The boys could not find a mesh,
boy; waked them up, and made them  they had nothing to handle but fish.
all haul in their first net. The nets   At this moment the easternmost
came in as black as ink, no sign of a boat showed a blue light.
herring.                               "The fish are rising," said Flucker,
There was but one opinion; there " we'll na risk nae mair nets."
was no herring at Inch Keith; they    Soon after this a sort of song was
had not been there this seven years.   heard from the boat that had showed
At last, Flucker, to whom she came a light. Flucker, who had got his net
in turn, told her he was going into in, ran down to her, and found, as he
two fathom water, where he would let suspected, that the boys had not powout the bladders and drop the nets on er to draw the weight of fish over the
their cursed backs.                 gunwale.
A strong remonstrance was made    They were singing, as sailors do,
by Christie, but the baddish boy in- that they might all pull together; he
sisted that he had an equal right in gave them two of his crew, and ran
all her nets, and, setting his sail, he down to his own skipper.
ran into shoal water.                  The said skipper gave him four men.
Christie began to be sorrowful; in-   Anothei blue light!
stead of making money, she was going    Christie and her crew came a little
to throw it away, and the neer-do-weel nearer the boats, and shot twelve nets.
Flucker would tear six nets from the   The yachtsmen entered the sport
ropes.                              with zeal. so did his Lordship.
Flucker hauled down his sail, and    The boats were all full in a few minunstopped his mast in two fathom  utes, and nets still out.
water; but he was not such a fool as   Then Flucker began to fear some
to risk his six nets; he devoted one of these nets would sink with the
to his experiment, and did it well; weight of fish; for the herring die
he let out his bladder line a fathom, after a while in'a net, and a dead herso that one half his net would liter- ring sinks.
ally be higgledy-piggledy with the   What was to be done?
rocks, unless the fish were there en   They got two boats alongside the
masse.                              c-itter, and unloaded them into her as




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        151
well as they could; but before they   The yacht had returned to Grancould half do this the other boats ton, and the yawls, very low in the
hailed them.                       water, were creeping along like snails,
They camne to one of them; the with both sails set.
boys were struggling with a thing   The news was in Edinburgh long
which  no  stranger would  have before they landed.
dreamed was a net.                    They had  been discerned under
Imagine a white sheet, fifty feet Inch Keith at the dawn.
long, varnished with red-hot silver:   And the manner of their creeping
there were twenty barrels in this sin- along, when there was such a breeze,
gle net. By dint of fresh hands they told the tale at once to the keen, exgot half of her in, and then the mesh- perienced eyes that are sure to be
es began to break; the men leaned scanning the sea.
over the gunwale, and put their arms   Donkey-carts came rattling down
round blocks and masses of fish, and from the capital.
so flung them on board; and the cod-   Merchants came pelting down to
fish and dog-fish snapped them almost Newhaven pier.
out of the men's hands like tigers.  The whole story began to be put
At last, they came to a net, which together by bits, and comprehended.
was a double wall of herring; it had    Old Johnstone's cleverness was rebeen some time in the water, and called to mind.
many of the fish were dead; they    The few fishermen left at Newhaven
tried their best, but it was impracti- were ready to kill themselves.
cable; they laid hold of the solid her-   Their wives were ready to do the
ring, and when they lifted up a hun- same good office for LaJohnstone.
dred-weight clear of the water, away   Four Irish merchants agreed to
it all tore, and sank back again.  work together, and to make a show
They were obliged to cut away this of competition, the better to keep the
net, with twenty pounds sterling in price down within bounds.
her. They cut away the twine from    It was hardly fair, four men against
the head-ropes, and net and fish went one innocent unguarded female.
to the bottom.                       But this is a wicked world.
All hands were now about the cut-   Christie landed, and proceeded to
ter; Christie's nets were all strong her own house; on the way she was
and new; they had been some time met by Jean Carnie, who debarrassed
in the water; in hauling them up her her of certain wrappers, and a handside, quantities of fish fell out of the kerchief she had tied round her head,
net into the water, but there were and informed her she was the pride
enough left.                       of Newhaven.
She averaged twelve barrels a net.    She next met these four little merSuch of the yawls as were not quite chants, one after another.
full crept between the cutter and the   And since we ought to dwell as litnets, and caught all they wanted.  tie as possible upon scenes in which
The projector of this fortunate spec- unguarded innocence is exposed to
ulation suddenly announced that she artful conspiracies, we will put a page
was very sleepy.                   or two into the brute form of dramatic
Flucker rolled her up in a sail, and dialogue, and- so sail through it quickshe slept the sleep of infancy on board er.
her cutter.                          1st Mferchant. "Where are ye goWhen  she awoke it was seven ing, Meggie?"
o'clock in the morning, and her cut-   Christie Johnstone. "If onybody
ter was creeping with a smart breeze, asks ye, say ye dinna ken."
about two miles an hour, a mile from    1st 21er. " Will ye sell your fish  "
Newhaven pier.                       Christie. "Suner than gie them."




152                     CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
1st lifer.'" You will be asking fif- herrin with my fish caller fra' the sea?
teen shillin' the cran."              and Dunbar, - O fine! ye ken there's
Ch(ristie. "And ten to that."      nae herrin at Dunbar the morn; this
1st lifer. " Good morning."        is the Dunbar schule that slipped
2d ifer. "Would he not go over westward: I'm  the mairket, ye'11
fifteen shillings?  0, the thief o' the  hae to buy o' me or gang to your
world! —I'11 give sixteen."          bed" (here she siqnalled to Flucker).
3d 3lier. " But I'11 give eighteen."  "I'11 no be oot o' mine lang."
2d lier. "More fool you!  Take    Eanter Flucker hastily, crying: " Cirshim up, my girl."                    ty, the Irishman will gie ye twentyChristie. "Twenty-five is my price two schellin."
the day."                               "I'11 no tak it," said Christie.
3d Mer. "You will keep them till   " They are keen to hae them," said
Sunday week and sell their bones."    Flucker; and hastily retired, as if to
[Exeuant the three Merchants. treat further with  the small merEnter 4th M3erchant.         chants.
On this, Mr. Miller, pretending to
4th iler.  "Are your fish sold? make  for Leith, said,  carelessly,
I'11 give sixteen shillings."        "Twenty-three shillings, or they are
Christie.  "I'm  seeking  twenty- not for me."
five, an' I'm offered eighteen."       "Tak the cutter's freight at a hun4th Mer. "Take it."         [Exit. dre' cran, an' I'm  no caring," said
Christie. " They hae putten their Christie.
heads thegither."                         They are mine! " said Mr. Miller,
Here Flucker came up to her, and  very sharply.  " I-ow  much shall I
told her there was a Leith merchant give you the day  "
looking for her.  "And, Custy," said    "Auchty pund, sir, if you please; -
he, there's plenty wind getting up, the lave when you like; I ken ye,
your fish will be sair hashed; put Mr. Miller."
them off your hands, I rede ye."        Whilst counting her the notes, the
C1hristie. "Ay, lad! F lucker, hide, purchaser said slyly to her: -
an' when I play my hand sae, ye'l   "There's more than a hundred
run in an' cry,' Cirsty, the Irishman  cran in the cutter, my woman."
will gie ye twenty-two schellin the    " A little, sir," replied the vendor;
cran.'"h but, ere I could count them  till ye
FRluclker. " Ye ken inair than's in  by baskets, they would lose seven or
the catecheesm, for as releegious as ye eight cran in book,* your gain, my
are."                                loss."
The Leith merchant was Mr. Mil-   " You are a vara intelligent young
ler, and this is the way he worked.    person," said Mr. Miller, gravely.
Mille-r (in a?nellifluous voice). " Are    " Ye had measured them  wi' your
ye no fatigued, my deear?"           walking-stick, sir; there's just ae
Christie (Tffectinfa~tigue). " Indeed, scale ye didna wipe off, though ye are
sir, and I am."                       a carefu' mon, Mr. Miller; sae I laid
Miller.  " Shall I have the pleasure  the bait for ye an' fine ye took it."
to deal wi' ye? "                      Miller took out his snuff-box, and
Christie.  "If it's your pleasure, tapping it said: -    -
sir. I'm  seekin' twenty-five schel-   " Will ye go into partnership with
lin."                                 me, my dear  "
Miller (pretending not to hear-).  "As    "Ay, sir! " was the reply. " When
you aire a beginner, I must offer fair; I'm aulder an' ye're younger."
twenty schellin you shall have, and    At this moment the four merchants,
that's three shillings above Dunbar." believing it useless to disguise their
Christie.  "Wad ye even carted                    * 3ulk.




CiIRISTIE JOHINSTONE.                       153
co-operation, returned to see what mooths? —is yon a woman's pairt,
could be done.                      I'm asking ye  "
" We shall give you a guinea a    On this, Christie, looking carefully
barrel."                             at all the others except Beeny, in"Why, ye offered her twenty-two quired with an air of simple curiosishillings before."                  ty:"That we never did, Mr. Miller."    " Can onybody tell me wha Liston
"Haw! haw!" went Plucker.       Carnie's drunken wife is speakin' till?
Christie looked down and blushed.  no to ony decent lass, though. Na!
Eyes met eyes, and without a word ve ken she wad na hae th' impuspoken all was comprehended and si- dence! "
lently approved. There was no non-   " O, ye ken fine I'm  speakin' till
sense uttered about morality in con- yoursel'."
nection with dealing.                 Here the horns. clashed together.
Mr. Miller took an enormous pinch    " To me, woman? " (with admirably
of snuff, and drew for the benefit of acted surprise.)  "Oo, ay! it will be
all present the following inference: -  for the twa years' rent you're awin
MR. MILLER'S  APOTHEG.          me. Giest!"
Beeny Liston. " Ye're just the im"Friends and neighbors! when a pudentest girrl i' the toon, an' ye hae
man's heed is gray with age and  proved it the day" (her arms akimbo).
thoucht (pause), he's just fit to go    Christie (arms akimbo). "Me, imto schule to a young lass o' twenty."  pudent? how daur ye speak against
There was a certain middle-aged my charackter, that's kenned for defishwife, called Beeny Liston, a tenant cency o' baith sides the Firrth."
of Christie Johnstone's; she had not   Beeny (contemptttously). "0, ye're
paid her rent for some time, and she sly enough to beguile the men, but we
had not been pressed fbr it; whether ken ye."
this, or the whiskey she was in the habit   Christie. " I'm no sly, and" (drawof taking, rankled in her mind, certain  in f near and hissing the words) "I'm no
it is she had always an ill word for her like the woman Jean an' I saw in Rose
landlady.                           Street, dead drunk on the causeway,
She now met her, envied her suc- while her mon was working for her at
cess, and  called  out in a coarse sea. If ye're no ben your hoose in
tone:-                             ae minute, I'll say that will gar Lis" 0, ye're a gallant quean; ye'11 ton Cairnie fling ye ower the pier-head,
be waur than ever the noo."         ye fool-moothed  drunken  leear —
"What's wrang, if ye please I"  Scairt! " 
said the Johnstone, sharply.          If my reader has seen and heard
Reader, did you ever see two fallow  Mademoiselle Rachel utter her famous
bucks commence a duel?             Sortez, in "Virginie," he knows exThey strut round, eight yards apart, actly with what a gesture and tone
tails up, look carefully another way to the Johnstone uttered this word.
make the other think it all means   Beeny (in a voice qf whining surnothing, and, being both equally sly, prise). " Hech! what a spite Plucker
their horns come together as if by Johnstone's dochter has taen against
concert.                            us."
Even so commenced this duel of   Christie. "Scairt!"
tongues between these two heroines.   Beeny (in a coaxing voice, and movBeeny Liston, looking at everybody ing a step). "Aweel! what's a' your
but Christie, addressed the natives paession, my boenny woman.
who were congregating thus: -          Christie. " Scairt!"
"Did ever ve hear o' a decent lass   * A local word; a corruption from the
taking the herrin' oot o' the men's French Sortez.
7 *




154                    ClHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Beeny retired before the thunder quite recover himself, his little servant
and lightning of indignant virtue.    forced a pipe into his hand, and he
Then all the fishboys struck up a smoked contented and peaceable.
dismal chant of victory.              Before tobacco the evil passions fall,
" Yoo-hoo - Custy's won the day they tell me.
- Beeny's scairtit," going up on the    The cause of this quarrel soon exlast syllable.                      plained itself; up came Sandy Liston,
Christie moved slowly awaytowards cursing and swearing.
her own house, but.before she could    "What! ye hae gotten till your
reach the door she began to whimper, wife's; that's the place for ye; - to
- little fool.                      say there's a brig in distress, and ye'11
Thereat chorus of young Athenians  let her go on the rocks under your
chanted: -                           noses: but what are ye afraid o' 2
"Yu-hoo! come back, Beeny, ye'11 there's na danger? "
maybe win yet.  Custy's away gree-      Nae danger! " said one of the retin " (goig up on tie last syllable).  proached, " are ye fou i "
"I'm no greetin, ye rude bairns,"    "Ye are fou wi' fear yoursel'; of
said Christie, bursting into tears, and  a' the beasts that crawl the airth, a
retiring as soon as she had effected  cooward is the ugliest, I think."
that proof of her philosophy.          "The wifes will no let us," said
It was about four hours later; one, sulkily.
Christie had snatched some repose.   "It's the woman in your hairts
The wind, as Flucker prognosticated, that keeps ye," roared Sandy, hoarsehad grown into a very heavy gale, ly; "curse ye, ye are sure to dee ane
and the Firth was brown and boil- day, and ye are sure to be -! " (a
ing.                                 past participle) " soon or late, what
Suddenly a clamor was heard on  signifies when?  Oh! curse the hour
the shore, and soon after a fishwife  ever I was born amang sic a cooardmade her appearance, with rather a ly crew."  (Gzin at sea.)
singular burden.                       "There!"
Her husband, ladies; rien que cela.    " She speaks till ye, hersel'; she
She had him by the scruff of the cries for maircy; to think that, of a'
neck; he was dos-a-dos, with his boot- that hear ye cry, Alexander Liston is
ed legs kicking in the air, and his fists the only mon mon enough to answer."
making warlike but idle demonstra- (Gun.)
tions, and his mouth uttering ineffect-    " You are mistaken, Mr. Alexander
ual bad language.                   Liston," said a clear, smart voice,
This worthy had been called a cow- whose owner had mingled unobserved
ard by Sandy Liston, and being about with the throng-; "there are always
to fight with him, and get thrashed, men to answer such occasions; now,
his wife had whipped him  up, and my lads, your boats have plenty of
carried him  away; she now  flung beam, and, well handled, should live
him down, at some risk of his equilib- in any sea; who volunteers with Alrium.                               exander Liston and me? "
" Ye are not fit to feicht wi' Sandy    The speaker was Lord Ipsden.
Liston," said she; " ifye are for feicht-   The fishwives of Newbhaven, more
in, here's for ye."                accustomed to measure men than poor
As a comment to this proposal, she little Lady Barbara Sinclair, saw in
tucked up the sleeves of her short this man what in point of fact he
gown. He tried to run by her; she was,- a cool, daring devil, than whom
caught him by the bosom, and gave none more likely to lead men into
him a violent push, that sent him sev- mortal danger, or pull them through
eral paces backwards; he looked half it, for that matter.
fierce, half astounded; ere he could    They recognized their natural cne



CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       155
my, and collected together against him,   "My Lord, I beg your Lordship's
like hens at the sight of a hawk.   pardon, but it blows tempestuous."
"And would you really entice our   "That is why the brig wants us,"
men till their death?"            was the reply.
"My life's worth as much as theirs,   "My Lord, I beg your Lordship's
I suppose."                        pardon," whimpered Saunders.
"Nae! your life! it's na worth a   "But, O my Lord, don't go; it's
button; when you dee, your next kin all very well for fishermen to be
will dance, and wha'11 greet? but our drowned; it is their business, but not
men hae wife and bairns to look till." yours, my Lord."
(Gun at sea.)                        "Saunders, help me on with this
"Ah! I did n't look at it in that coat."
light," said Lord Ipsden. He then    Christie had brought it.
demanded paper and ink; Christie   "Yes,'my Lord," said Saunders,
Johnstone, who had come out of her briskly, his second nature reviving.
house, supplied it from her treasures,   His Lordship, whilst putting on the
and this cool hand actually began to coat and hat, undertook to cool Mr.
convey a hundred and fifty thousand  Saunders's aristocratic prejudices.
pounds away, upon a sheet of paper   " Should Alexander Liston and I be
blowing in the wind; when he had drowned," said he, coolly, " when our
named his residuary legatee, and dis- bones come ashore, you will not know
posed of certain large bequests, he which are the fisherman's, and which
came to the point, -               the Viscount's."  So saying, he joined
" Christie Johnstone, what can these the enterprise.
people live on 3 two hundred a year?   "I shall pray for ye, lad," said
living is cheap here, - confound the Christie Johnstone, and she retired for
wind! "                           that purpose.
" Twa  hundred?  Fifty!  Vile   Saunders, with a heavy heart, to the
Count."                            nearest tavern, to prepare an account
"Don't call me Vile Count. I am  of what lie called "Heroism in High
Ipsden, and my name's Richard. Life," large letters, and the usual signs
Now, then, be smart with yournames." of great astonishment!!!!!! for the
Three men stepped forward, gave "Polytechnic Magazine."
their names, had their widows provided   The commander of the distressed
for, and went for their sou'westers, vessel had been penny-wise. He had
&c.                                declined a pilot off the Isle of May,
" Stay," said Lord Ipsden, writing. trusting to fall in with one close to the
"To Christina Johnstone, out of re- port of Leith; but a heavy gale and
spect for her character, one thousand fog had come on; he knew himself in
pounds."                           the vicinity of dangerous rocks; and,
"Richard! ~dinna  gang,"  cried to make matters worse, his ship, old
Christie, ", dinna gang, dinna gang, and sore battered by a long and
dinna gang; it's no your business."  stormy voyage, was leaky; and, unless
"Will you lend me your papa's a pilot came alongside, his fate would
Flushing jacket and sou'wester, my be, either to founder, or run upon the
dear? If I was sure to be drowned, rocks, where he must expect to go to
I'd go!"                         pieces in a quarter of an hour.
Christie ran in for them.          The Newhaven boat lay in comIn the mean time, discomposed by paratively smooth water, on the lee
the wind, and by feelings whose exist- side of the pier.
ence neither he, nor I, nor any one   Our adventurers  got into  her,
suspected, Saunders, after a sore strug- stepped the mast, set a small sail, and
gle between the frail man and the per- ran out! Sandy Liston held the sheet,
feet domestic, blurted out:-       passed once round the belaying-pin,




15 6                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
and whenever a larger wave than    With this in his hand, the Buckha.
usual came at them, he slacked the ven fisherman stood in an irresolute
sheet, and the boat, losing her way, posture; he looked down, and seemed
rose gently, like a cork, upon seas that to ask himself what course he should
had seemed about to swallow her.    take.
But seen from  the shore it was   "What's wrang  " said Jean Carenough to make the most experi- nie, who, with her neighbors, had obenced wince; so completely was this served the men; "I wish yon man
wooden shell lost to sight, as she de- may na hae ill news."
scended from a wave, that each time   " What ill news wad he hae  " reher reappearance seemed a return plied another.
from the dead.                        " Are ony freends of Liston Carnie
The weather was misty, - the boat here?" said the fisherman.
was soon lost sight of; the story re-   "The wife's  awa' to  Granton,
mains ashore.                      Beeny Liston they ca' her, - there's
-— o -.           I his house," added Jean, pointing up
the row.
CHAPTER  XIV.                " Ay," said the fisherman, "I ken
he lived there."
IT was an hour later; the natives of   "Lived  there!"  cried  Christie
the New Town had left the pier, and Johnstone: "0, what's this? "
were about their own doors, when    "Freends," said the Inan, gravely,
three  Buckhaven  fishermen  came "his boat is driving keel uppermost
slowly up from the pier; these men in IKircauldy Bay;- we passed her
had arrived in one of their large fish- near enough to read the name upon
ing-boats, which defy all weather.    her."
The men came slowly up; their   "But the men will have won to
petticoat trousers were drenched, and shore, please God?"
their neck - handkerchiefs and hair   The fisherman shook his head.
were wet with spray.                 "She'1ll hae coupit a mile wast
At the foot of the:N\ew Town. they Inch Keith, an' the tide rinning aff the
stood still and whispered to each island an' a heavy sea gaun. This is
other.                             a' Newhaven we'11 see of them " (holdThere was something about these ing up the coat) " till they rise to the
men that drew the eye of Newhaven top in three weeks' time."
upon them.                           The man then took the coat, which
In the first place a Buckhaven man  was now  seen to be drenched with
rarely communicates with natives of water, and hung it up on a line not
Newhaven, except at the pier, where very far from its unfortunate owner's
he brings in his cod and ling from the house: then, in the same grave and
deep sea, flings them out like stones, subdued tone in which he had spoken
and sells them to the fishwives; then all along, he said, "We are sorry to
up sail and away for Fifeshire.    bring siccan a tale into your toon,"
But these  men evidently  came and slowly moved off to rejoin his
ashore to speak to some one in the comrades, who had waited for him at
town.                              no great distance.  They then passed
They whispered together; some- through the Old Town, and in five
thing appeared to be proposed and minutes the calamity was known to
demurred to; but at last two went the whole place.
slowly back towards the pier, and the   After the first stupor, the people in
eldest remained, with a fisherman's the New Town collected into knots,
long mackintosh coat in his hand and lamented their hazardous calling,
which the others had given him as and feared for the lives of those that
they left him.                     had just put to sea in this fatal gale




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         157
for the rescue of strangers, and the coarse voice. "The men will hae ta
older ones failed not to match this leave the place now y' are turned fishpresent sorrow  with  others within erman, I daur say."
their recollection.                    "0, dinna fleicht on me! dinna
In the middle of this, Flucker fleicht on me! " cried Christie, tremJohnstone came hastily in from the bling.
Old Town, and told them  he had    "Maircy on us," said the other,
seen the wife, Beeny Liston, coming  "auld  Flucker Johnstone's dochter
through froml Granton.              turned humble.  What next?"
The sympathy of all was instantly    "I'm vexed for speaking back till
turned in this direction.           ye the morn," faltered Christie.
"She would hear the news."          "Hett," said the woman, carelessly,
"It would fall on her like a thun- "let yon flea stick i' the wa'. I fancy
der-clap."                          I began on ye. Aweel, Cirsty," said
" What would become of her  "     she, falling into a friendlier tone;
Every eye was strained towards " it's the place we live in spoils us, -
the Old Town, and soon the poor wo- Newhaven's an impudent toon, as
man was seen about to emerge from  sure as deeth.
it; but she was walking in her usual   " I passed through the Auld Toon
way, and they felt she could not carry  the noo, - a place I never speak in;
her person so if she knew.          an' if they did na glower at me as I
At the last house she was seen to had been a strange beast.
stop and speak to a fisherman and his   " They cam' to their very doors to
wife that stood at their own door.  glower at me; if ye'11 believe me, I
"They are telling her," was then thoucht shame.
the cry.                               "At the hinder end my paassion got
Beeny Liston then proceeded on up, and. I faced a wife East-by, and I
her way.                            said,'What gars ye glower at me
Every eye was strained.           that way, ve ignorant woman.' ye
No! they had not told her.        would na think it, she answered like
She came gayly on, the unconscious honey itsel':' I'm askin' your paarrobject of every eye and every heart.   don,' says she; and her mon by her
The hands of this people were hard, side said,'Gang hame to your ain
and their tongues rude, but they hoose, my woman, and Gude help ye,
shrunk from telling this poor woman and help us a' at our need,' the decent
of her bereavement, — they thought mon.' It's just there I'm for,' said
it kinder she should know it -under I,' to get my mon his breakfast.'"
her own roof, from  her friends or   All who heard her drew  their
neighbors, than  from  comparative breath with difficulty.
strangers.                            The woman then made for her own
She drew near her own door.       house, but in going up the street she
And now a knot collected round passed the wet coat hanging on the
Christie Johnstone, and urged her to line.
undertake the sad task.               She stopped directly.
" You that speak sa learned, Chris-   They all trembled, - they had fortie, ye should tell her; we daur na."  gotten the coat, - it was all over; the
"How can I tell her 2 " said Chris- coat would tell the tale.
tie, turning pale.  "How will I tell   "Aweel," said she, " I could sweer
her? I'se try."                   that's Liston Carnie's coat, a droukit
She took one trembling step to wi' the rain "; then she looked again
meet the woman.                     at it, and added, slowly, "if I did na
Beeny's eye fell upon her.        ken he has his away wi' him at the
"Ay! here's the Queen o' New- piloting."  And in another moment
haven," cried she, in a loud and rather she was in her own house, leaving




138                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTOINE.
them  all standing there half stupe- ble; in your own house I must tell it
fied.                               you - (and may God show me how
Christie had indeed endeavored to to break it to her)."
speak, but her tongue had cloven to    He entered her house.
her mouth.                             "Aweel," said the woman to the
Whilst they stood looking at one others, "it maun be some far-awa cousanother, and at Beeny Liston's door, in, or the like, for Liston an' me hae
a voice that seemed incredibly rough, nae near freends. Meg, ye idle hizzy,"
loud, and harsh jarred upon them;- screamed she to her servant, who was
it was Sandy Liston, who came in one of the spectators, " your pat is no
front Leith, shouting: —             on yet; div ye think the men will no
"Fifty pounds for salvage, lasses! be hungry when they come in fra' the
is na thaat better than staying cooard- sea 2"
like aside the women?"                " They will never hunger nor thirst
" Whisht! whisht! "cried Christie. ony mair," said Jean, solemnly, as
"We are in heavy sorrow; puir Lis- the bereaved woman entered her own
ton Cairnie and his son Willy lie deed door.
at the bottom o' the Firrth."          There ensued a listless and fearful
"Gude help us! " said Sandy, and silence.
his voice sank.                        Every moment some sign of bitter
"An', 0 Sandy, the wife does na sorrow  was expected to break forth
ken, and it's lhairt-breaking to see from the house, but none came; and
her, and hear her; we canna get her amidst the expectation and silence the
tell't; ye're the auldest mon here; waves dashed louder and louder, as it
ye'll tell her, will ye no, Sandy?"    seemed, against the dike, conscious
" No, me, that I will not! "     of what they had done.
" 0 yes; ye are kenned for your   At last, in a moment, a cry of agostoot heart, an' coorage; ye come ny arose, so terrible that all who
fra' facing the sea an' wind in a bit heard it trembled, and more than one
yawl."                              woman shrieked in return, and fled' The sea and the wind," cried he, from  the door; at which, the next
contemptuously; "they be -,  I'm  moment, the clergyman stood alone,
used wi' them; but to look a woman collected, but pale, and beckoned.
i' the face, an' tell her her mon and  Several women advanced.
her son are drowned since yestreen, I   "One woman," said he.
hae na coorage for that."             Jean Carnie was admitted; and
All further debate was cut short by after a while returned.
the entrance of one who came ex-   " She is come to hersel'," whispressly to discharge the sad duty all pered she; "I am no weel mysel'."
had found so difficult. It was the And she passed into her own house.
Presbyterian clergyman of the place;   Then'Flucker crept to the door to
he waved them  back.  "I know, I see.
know," said he, solemnly.             "0, dinna spy on her,"  cried
" Where is the wife? "           Christie.
She came out of her house at this   "0  yes, Flucker,"  said many
moment, as it happened, to purchase voices.
something at Drysale's shop, which    "He is kneelin'," said Flucker.
was opposite.                       "He has her hand, to gar her kneel
"Beeny," said the clergyman, "I tae, - she winna, - she does na see
have sorrowful tidings."            him, nor hear him; he will hae her.
"Tell me them, sir," said she, un- He has won her to kneel, - he is
moved. "Is it a deeth?" added she, prayin, an' greetin aside her. I canquietly.                            na see noo, my een's blinded."
" It is! — death, sudden and terri-   "He's a gude mon," said Christie,




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE,.                      159
" O, what wad we do without the   They glared on one another,- he
ministers? "                      fiercely and unsteadily; she firmly and
Sandy Liston had been leaning sor- proudly.
rowfully against the wall of the next   Jean Carnie said afterwards, " Her
house; he now broke out: —;-       eyes were like coals of fire."
"An auld shipmate at the whale-   "Ye are doing what nae mon i'
fishing!!! an' noow we'll never lift the toon daur; ye are a bauld, unthe dredging sang thegither again, in wise lassy."
yon dirty detch that's droowned him;   "It's you mak me bauld," was the
I maun hae whiskey, an' forget it a'." instant reply. "I saw ye face the
He made for the spirit-shop like a mad sea, to save a ship fra' the rocks,
madman; but ere he could reach the an' will I fear a mon's hand, when
door a hand was laid on him like a I can save" (rising  to -double her
vice. Christie Johnstone had literally heiqg/t) " my feyther's auld freend
sprung on him. She hated this hor- fra' the puir mon's enemy, the enemy
rible vice, -had often checked him; o' mankind, the cursed, cursed drink?
and now it seemed so awful a moment O Sandy Liston, hoow could ye think
for such a sin, that she forgot the wild to put an enemy in your mooth to
and savage nature of the man, who steal awa your brains!"
had struck his own sister, and serious-   "This's no Newhaven chat; wha
ly hurt her, but a month before, -  lairns ye sic words o' power  "
she saw nothing but the vice and its   " A deed mon!"
victim, and she seized him  by the   "I would na wonder, y' are no
collar, with a grasp from which he canny; she's ta'en a' the poower oot
in vain attempted to shake himself o' my body, I think."  Then suddenloose.                             ly descending to a tone of abject sub"No! ye'IL no gang there at siccan mission,' What's  your pleesure,
a time."                           Flucker Johnstone's dochter  "
" Hands off, ye daft jaud," roared    She instantly withdrew the offenhe, "or there'11 be another deeth i' sive grasp, and, leaning affectionately
the toon."                         on his shoulder, she melted into her
At the noise Jean Carnie ran in.   rich Ionic tones.
" Let the ruffian go," cried she, in    "It's no a time for sin; ye'11 sit
dismay. "0 Christie, dinna put your by my fire, an' get your dinner; a
hand on a lion's mane."            bonny haggis hae I for you an' Fluck"Yes, I'll put my hand on -his er, an' we'll improve this sorrowfu'
mane, ere I'll let him mak a beast judgment; an' ye'll tell me o' auld
o' himsel'."                       times, - o' my feyther dear, that likeit
"Sandy, if ye hurt her, I'll find ye weel, Sandy,- o' the storrms ye
twenty lads that will lay ye deed at hae weathered, side by side, - o' the
her feet,"                         muckle whales ye killed Greenland
" Haud your whisht," said Christie, way,- an', abune a', o' the lives ye
very sharply, " he's no to be threet- hae saved at sea, by your daurin an'
ened."        -                    your skell; an', 0  Sandy, will na
Sandy Liston, black and white with that be better as sit an' poor leequid
rage, ground his teeth together, and damnation doown your throat, an' gie
said, lifting his hand, " Wull ye let awa the sense an' feeling o' a mon for
me go, or must I tak my hand till a sair heed and an ill name i "
ye?"                                "I'se gang, my lamb," said the
"No!" said Christie, "I'11 no let rough man, quite subdued; " I daur
ye go, sue look mee i' the face; Flclceker's say whiskey will no pass my teeth the
dochter, your auld cornrade, that saved day."
your life at Holy Isle, thinko' hisface, -    And so he went quietly away, and
an' look in mines,' —an' strike me!! I " sat by Christie's fireside.




160                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Jean and Christie went towards the push, sent the poor little biped off roarboats.                              ing, with the string over her shoulder,
Jean, after taking it philosophically recklessly dragging the terrific quadrufor half a minute, began to whimper.  ped, which made fruitless grabs at the
"What's wrang?" said Christie.  shingle. -Moral.  Don't terrify big"Div ye think my hairt's no in my ger folk than yourself.;
mooth wi' you gripping yon fierce    Christie had intended to go up to
robber "                             Edinburgh with her eighty pounds,
Here a young fishwife, with a box  but there was more trouble in store
in her hand, who had followed them, this eventful day.
pulled Jean by the coats.              Flucker went out after dinner, and
"Hets," said -Jean, pulling herself left her with Sandy Liston, who was
free.                                in the middle of a yarn, when some
The child then, with a pertinacity  one came running in and told her
these little animals have, pulled Chris- Flucker was at the pier crying for her.
tie's coats.                         She inquired what was the matter.
Hets," said Christie, freeing her- "Come, an' ye'll see," was all the
self more gently.                    answer.  She ran down to the pier.
" Ye suld mairry Van Amburgh,"  There was poor Flucker lying on his
continued Jean; " ye are just such a back; he had slipped from  the pier
lass as he is a lad."               into a boat that lay alongside; the fall
Christie smiled proudly, was silent, was considerable; for a minute he had
but did not disown the comparison.   been insensible, then  he had  been
The little fishwife, unable to attract dreadfully sick, and now he was beattention by pulling, opened her box, ginning to feel his hurt; he was in
and saying, "Lasses, I'11 let ye see great anguish; nobody knew the exmy presoner: hech! he's boenny!" tent of his injuries; he would let nopulled out a mouse by a string fastened  body touch him; all his cry was for
to his tail, and set him in the midst for his sister. At last she came; they all
friendly admiration.                 made way for her; he was crying for
" I dinna like it, - I dinna like it! " her as she came up.
screamed  Christie; " Jean, put it   " My bairn! my bairn! " cried
away, -it fears me, Jean!"  This she, and the poor little fellow smiled,
she uttered (her eyes.almost starting  and tried to raise himself towards
from her head with unaffected terror) her.
at the distance of about eight yards,   She lifted him gently in her arms,
whither she had arrived in two bounds - she was powerful, and  affection
that would have done no discredit to  made her stronger; she carried him in
an antelope.                         her arms all the way home, and laid
" Het," said Jean, uneasily, " hae  him on her own bed. Willy Liston,
ye coowed yon savage, to be scared at her discarded suitor, ran for the surthe wee beastie i "                 geon. There were no bones broken,
Christie, looking askant at the ani- but his ankle was severely sprained,
mal, explained: "A  moose is an and he had a terrible bruise on the
awesome beast, — it's no like a mon! " loins; his  dark, ruddy face  was
and still her eye was fixed by fascina- streaked and pale; but he never comtion upon the four-footed danger.   plained after he found himself at
Jean, who had not been herself in home.
genuine tranquillity, now turned sav-   Christie hovered round him, a minagely on the little Wombwelless: " An' istering angel, applying to him with a
div ye really think ye are to come here light and loving hand whatever could
wi' a' the beasts i' the Airk?  Come, ease his pain; and he watched her
awa ye go, the pair o' ye."         with an expression she had never noThese severe words, and a smart ticed in his eye before.




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         161
At last, after two hours' silence, he   "A nobleman has bought my picmade her sit in full view, and then he ture," said Gatty, proudly.
spoke to her; and what think you    " For  one  hundred  and  fifty
was the subject of his discourse?   pounds," said the old lady, meaning
He turned to and told her; one after to mark the contrast between that sum
another, without preface, all the lov- and what Christie had in her hand.
ing things she had done to him ever   Christie remained  like a statue,
since he was five years old. Poor boy, with her arms extended, and  the
he had never shown much gratitude, bank-notes in her hand;  her features
but he had forgotten nothing, literally  worked, - she had much ado not to
nothing.                            cry; and any one that had known the
Christie was quite overcome with whole story,' and seen this unmerited
this unexpected trait; she drew him  repulse, would have felt for her; but
gently to her bosom, and wept over her love came to her aid, she put the
him; and it was sweet to see a broth- notesin her bosom,sighed, and said:er and sister treat each other almost   "I would hae likeit to hae been the
like lovers, as these two began to do, first, ye ken, but I'm real pleased."
- they watched each other's eye so    " But, mother," said Gatty, " it was
tenderly.                           very kind of. Christie all the same.
This new care kept the sisterl in her O Christie i " said he, in a tone of
own house all the next day; but to- despair.
wards the evening, Jean,.who knew    At this kind word Christie's fortiher other anxiety, slipped in and of- tude was sore tried; she turned away
fered to take her place for an hour by her head; - she was far too delicate
Flucker's side; at the same time she to let them know who had sent Lord
looked one of those signals which are Ipsden to buy the picture.
too subtle for any but woman to un-   Whilst she turned away, Mrs Gatderstand.                           ty said in her son's ear:Christie drew her aside, and learned   "' Now, I have your solemn promthat Gatty and his mother were just ise to do it here, and at once; you
coming through from Leith; Christie will find me on the beach behind these
ran for her eighty pounds, placed them  boats, - do it."
in her bosom, cast a hasty glance at   The reader will understand that
a looking-glass, little larger than an during the last few days Mrs. Gatty
oyster-shell, and ran out.          had improved her advantage, and that
"Hech!  What pleased the'auld Charles had positively consented to
wife will be to see, he has a lass that obey her; the poor boy was worn out.
can mak auchty pund in a morning." with the struggle, - he felt he must
This was Christie's notion.       have peace or die; he was thin and
At sight of them she took out the pale, and sudden twitches came over
bank-notes, and with eyes glistening him; his temperament was not fit for
and cheeks flushing she cried: -    such a battle; and, it is to be observed,
" 0 Chairles, ye'll no gang to jail, nearly all the talk was on one side.
— I hae the siller!" and she offered He had made one expiring struggle,
him the money with both hands, and - he described to his mother an arta look of tenderness and modesty ist's nature, his strength, his weakthat embellished human nature.      ness, —he besought her not to be a
Ere he could speak, his mother put slave to general rules, but to inquire
out her hand, and not rudely, but very what sort of a companion the indicoldly, repelling Christie's arm, said vidual Gatty needed; he lashed with
in a fireezing manner: -            true but brilliant satire the sort of wife
"We are much obliged to you, but his mother was ready to see him sadmy son's own talents have rescued him  died with, - a stupid, unsympathizing
from his little embarrassment."     creature, whose ten children would,
I:




162                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
by nature's law, be also stupid, and tears, she added, "I shall dee! I
so be a weight on him till his dying shall dee! "
day. He painted Christie Johnstone,   "No! you must not say so; at
mind and body, in words as true and least I will never love any one but
bright as his colors; he showed his you."
own weak points, her strong ones, and   " An' I'll live as I am a' my days
how the latter would fortify the for- for your sake. O England! I hae
mer.                               likeit ye sae weel, ye suld na rob me
-He displayed, in short, in one min- o' my lad, - he's a' the joy I hae! "
ute more intellect than his mother   "I love you," said Gatty. "Do you
had exhibited in sixty years; and love me? "
that done, with all his understanding,   All the answer was, her head upon
wit, and eloquence, he succumbed his shoulder.
like a child, to her stronger will, - he   "I can't do it," thought Gatty,
promised to break with Christie John- "and I won't! Christie," said he,
stone.                             "stay here, don't move from  here."
WVhen Christie had recovered her And he dashed among the boats in
composure and turned round to her great agitation.
companions, she found herself alone   He found his mother rather near
with Charles.                      the scene of the late conference.
" Chairles," said she, gravely.    "Mother," said he, fiercely, like a
"Christie," said he, uneasily.   coward as he was, " ask me no more,
"Your mother does na like me. my mind is made up forever; I will
O, ye need na deny it; and we are na not do this scoundrelly, heartless,
together as we used to be, my lad."   beastly, ungrateful action you have
"She is prejudiced, but she has been pushing me to so long."
been the best of mothers to me, Chris-   " Take care, Charles, take care,"
tie."                              said the old woman, trembling with
"Aweel."                         passion, for this was a new tone for
"Circumstances compel me to re- her son to take with her. "You had
turn to England."                  my blessing the other day, and you
(Ah, coward! anything but the real saw what followed it; do not tempt
truth! )                           me to curse an undutiful, disobedient,
" Aweel, Chairles, it will no be for ungrateful son."
lang."                               "I must take my chance," said he,
"I don't know; you will not be so desperately: "for I am  under a
unhappy as I shall, - at least I hope curse any way! I placed my ring on
not."                              her finger, and held up my hand to
"Hoow do ye ken that?"          God and swore she should be my
"Christie, do you remember the wife; she has my ring and my oath,
first night we danced together  "  and I will not perjure myself even for
"Ay."                            my mother."
"And we walked in the cool by the   "Your rind! Not the ruby ring I
seaside, and I told you the names of gave you from your dead father's finthe stars, and you said those were not ger, - not that! not that! "
their real names, but nicknames we   " Yes! yes! I tell you yes! and
give them here on earth. I loved you if he was alive, and saw her, and knew
that first night."                 her goodness, he would have pity on
" And I fancied you the first time I me, but I have no friend; you see
set eyes on you."                  how ill you have made me, but you
" How can I leave you, Christie? have no pity; I could not have beWhat shall I do i"                 lieved it; but, since you have no mer" I ken what I shall do," answered cy on me, I will have the more mercy
Christie, coolly; then, bursting into on myself; I marry her to-morrow,




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       163
and put an end to all this shuffling the stern old woman stooped, picked
and mancuvring against an angel! up the ring, and, in spite of a certain
I am not worthy of her, but I'll mart chill that the young woman's majestic
ry her to-morrow. Good by."        sorrow had given her, said, placing it
" Stay! " said the old woman, in a on her own finger, " This is for your
terrible voice; "before you destroy wife!! "
me and all I have lived for, and suf-   "It will be for my coffin, then,"
fered, and pinched for, hear me; if said her son, so coldly, so bitterly,
that ring is not off the hussy's finger and so solemnly, that the mother's
in half an hour, and you my son heart began to quake.
again, I fall on this sand and -"    "Mother," said he, calmly, " for" Then God have mercy upon me, give me, and accept your son's arm."
for I'11 see the whole creation lost' I will, my son! "
eternally, ere I'll wrong the only    "We are alone in the world now,
creature that is an ornament to the mother."
world."                              Mrs. Gatty had triumphed, but she
He was desperate; and the weak, felt the price of her triumph more than
driven to desperation, are more furious her victory. It had been done in one
than the strong.                   moment, that for which she had so
It was by Heaven's mercy that labored, and it seemed that had she
neither mother nor son had time to spoken long ago to Christie, instead
speak again.                       of Charles, it could have been done at
As they faced each other, with any moment.
flaming eyes and faces, all self-com-   Strange to say, for some minutes
mand gone, about to utter hasty  the mother felt more uneasy than her
words, and lay up regret, perhaps for son; she was a woman, after all, and
all their lives to come, in a moment, could measure a woman's heart, and
as if she had started from the earth, she saw how deep the wound she had
Christie  Johnstone stood  between given one she was now compelled to
them!                              respect.
Gatty's words, and, still more, his   Charles, on the other hand, had
hesitation, had made her quick intel- been so harassed backwards and forligence suspect: she had resolved to wards, that to him certainty was reknow the truth; the boats offered ev- lief; it was a great matter to be no
ery facility for listening, -- she had longer called upon to decide. His
heard every word.                  mother had said, "Part," and now
She stood between the mother and  Christie had said, "Part"; at least
son.                               the affair was taken out of his hands,
They were confused, abashed, and and his first feeling was a heavenly
the hot blood began to leave their calm.
faces.                               In this state he continued for about
She stood erect like a statue, her a mile, and he spoke to his mother
cheek pale as ashes, her eyes glitter- about his art, sole object now; but
ing like basilisks, she looked at neither after the first mile he became silent,
of them.                           distrait; Christie's pale face, her morShe slowly raised her left, hand, she tified air, when her generous offer was
withdrew  a ruby ring from it, and coldly repulsed, filled him  with redropped the ring on the sand between morse: finally, unable to bear it, yet
the two.                           not daring to speak, he broke suddenShe turned on her heel, and was ly from his mother without a word,
gone as she had come, without a word and ran wildly back to Newhaven;
spoken.                            he looked back only once, and there
They looked at one another, stupe- stood his mother, pale, with her hands
fled at first; after a considerable pause piteously lifted towards heaven.




164                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
By the time he got to Newhaven poor girl's head ached as well as her
he was as sorry for her as for Chris- heart, they forced her to go and sit in
tie. He ran to the house of the lat- the air.  She took her creepie and sat,
ter;'lucker and Jean told him she and looked on the sea; but, whether
was on the beach. He ran to the she looked seaward or landward, all
beach! he did not see her at first, but, seemed unreal; not things, but hard
presently looking back, he saw her, pictures of things, some moving, some
at the edge of the boats, in company still. Life seemed ended, — she had
with a gentleman in a boating-dress. lost her love.
He looked-could he believe his eyes?   An hour she sat in this miserable
he saw Christie Johnstone kiss this trance; she-was divertedinto abetter,
man's hand, who then, taking her head because a somewhat less dangerous
gently in his two hands, placed a kiss form of grief, by one of those trifling
upon her brow, whilst she seemed to  circumstances that often penetrate to
yield lovingly to the caress.       the human heart, when inaccessible to
Gatty turned faint, sick; for a mo- greater things.
ment everything swam before his eyes-;   Willy the fiddler and his brother
he recovered himself, they were gone. came through the town, playing as they
He darted round to intercept them; went, according  to custom; their
Christie had slipped awaysomewhere; music floated past Christie's ears like
he encountered the man alone!      some drowsy chime, until, all of a studden, they struck up the old English
air, " Speed the Plough."
Now it was to this tune Charles
CHAPTER  XV.               Gatty had danced with her their first
dance the night they made acquaintCHRISTIEr'S situation requires to be ance.
explained.                             Christie listened, lifted up her hands,
On leaving Gatty and his mother, and crying, -
she went to her own house. Flucker   " 0, what will I do? what will I
- who after looking upon her for years do? " burst into a passion of grief.
as an inconvenient appendage, except   She put her apron over her head,
at dinner-time, had fallen in love with  and rocked herself, and sobbed bitterher in a manner that was half pathetic, ly.
half laughable, all things considered    She was in this situation when Lord
- saw by her face she had received a Ipsden, who was prowling about, exblow, and, raising himself in the bed, amining the proportions of the boats,
inquired  anxiously, " What ailed  discovered her.
l'er?"                                "Some one in distress,- that was
At these kind words, Christie John- all in his way."
stone laid her cheek upon the pillow    "Madam!" said he.
beside Flucker's, and said: -          She lifted up her head.
" 0  my laamb, be kind to your   "It is Christie Johnstone. I'm so
puir sister fra' this hoor, for she has glad; that is, I'm sorry you are crynaething i' the warld noo but your- ing, but I'in glad I shall have the
sel'."                               pleasure of relieving you"; and his
Flucler began to sob at this.     Lordship began to feel for a checkChristie could not cry; her heart was book.
like a lump of lead in her bosom; but   " And div ye really think siller's a
she put her arm  round his neck, and cure for every grief!" said Christie,
at the sight of his sympathy she pant- bitterly.
ed heavily, but could not shed a tear,   " I don't know," said his Lordship;
- she was sore stricken.             " it has cured them all as yet."
Presently Jean came in, and, as the    "It will na cure me, then!" and:




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         165
she covered her head with her apron    Ipsclen (ironically).  "You surprise
again.                              me with your moderation, sir."
"I am very sorry," said he; " tell   Catty. " Then you will waive your
me" (whispering), "what is it? poor rank, - you are a Lord, I believe, -
little Christie!"                   and give me satisfaction."
"Dinna speak  to  me; I  think   Ipsden. "My rank, sir, such as it
shame; ask.Jean.  O Richard, I'll no is, engages me to give a proper anbe lang in this warld!!)"          swer to proposals of this sort; I am
" Ah! " said he, " I know too well at your orders."
what it is now; I know, by sad expe-    Gatry. " A man of your character
rience. But, Christie, money will cure must often have been called to an acit in your case, and it shall, too; only, count by your victims, so - so - "
instead of five pounds, we must put a (hesitating) "perhaps you will tell
thousand pounds or two to your bank- me the proper course."
er's account, and then they will all see   Ipsden. " Ishall send a note to the
your beauty, and run after you."    castle, and the Colonel will send me
"How daur ye even to me that I'm  down somebody with a mustache; I
seekin a lad? " cried she, rising from  shall pretend to remember mustache,
her stool; "I would na care suppose mustache will pretend he remembers
there was na, a lad in Britain."  And me; he will then communicate with
off she flounced.                   your friend, and they will arrange it
" Offended her by my gross want of all for us."
tact," thought the Viscount.           Gatty.  "And, perhaps, through
She crept back, and two velvet lips your licentiousness, one or both of us
touched his hand. That was because will be killed."
she had spoken harshly to a friend.    Ipsden. " Yes! but we need not
"0 Richard," said she, despairingly, trouble our heads about that, — the
"I'11 no be lang in this warld."   seconds undertake everything."
He was touched; and it was then   GCatty. "I have no pistols."
he took her head and kissed her brow,   Ipsden. "If you will do me the
and said: " This will never do: my honor to use one of mine, it shall be
child, go home and have a nice cry, at your service."
and I will speak to Jean; and, rely    Gatty. "Thank you."
upon me, I will not leave the neigh-   lpsden. " To-morrow morning2 "
borhood till I have arranged it all to    Catty. " No. I have four days'
your satisfaction."                 painting to do on my picture, I can't
And so she went, -a little, a very, &lie till it is finished; Friday mornveryv little, comforted by his tone and ing."
words.                                 lpsden. " (He is mad.)  I wish to
Now this was all veiy pretty; but ask you a question, you will excuse
then seen at a distance of fifty yards my curiosity. Have you any idea what
it looked very ugly; and Gatty, who we are agreeing to differ about?"
had never before known jealousy, the    Gatty. "The question does you
strongest and worst of human pas- little credit, my Lord; that is to add
sions, was ripe for anything.       insult to wrong."
He met Lord Ipsden, and said at   He went off hurriedly, leaving Lord
once, in his wise, temperate way: —   Ipsden mystified.
" Sir, you are a villain!"         He thought Christie Johnstone was
Ipsdemle. " Plait-il?"           somehow connected with it; but, conGCatty. " You are a villain! "    scions of no wrong, he felt little dislpsden. " How do you make that posed to put up with any insult, esout?"                              pecially from this boy, to whom he
Gatty. "But, of course, you are had been kind, he thought.
not a coward, too."                   His Lordship was, besides, one of




166                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
those good, simple-minded creatures, I tleman, who having swallowed the
educated abroad, who, when invited mess-room poker, and found it insufto fight, simply bow, and load two ficient, had added the ramrods of his
pistols, and get themselves called at company.
six; instead of taking down tomes of   The more his Lordship reflected on
casuistry and  puzzling  their poor Gatty, the less inclined he had felt to
brains to find out whether they are invite a satirical young dog from
game-cocks or capons, and why.     barracks to criticise such a rencoztre;
As for Gatty, he hurried home in a he had therefore ordered Saunders to
fever of passion, begged his mother's get up as a Field - Marshal, or some
pardon, and reproached himself for such trifle, and what Saunders would
ever having disobeyed her on account have called incomparable verticality
of such a perfidious creature as Chris- was the result.
tie Johnstone.                       The Painter was also in sight.
He then told her what he had seen,   Whilst he was coming up, Lord
as distance and imagination had pre- Ipsden was lecturing Marshal Saunsented it to him; to his surprise the ders on a point on which that worthy
old lady cut him short.            had always thought himself very su" Charles," said she, " there is no perior to his master, — " Gentlemanly
need to take the girl's character away; deportment."
she has but one fault, - she is not in    "Now, Saunders, mind and behave
the same class of life as you, and such like a gentleman, or we shall be found
marriages always lead to misery; but out."
in other respects she is a worthy    "I trust, my Lord, my conduct -"
young woman, — don't speak against   "What I mean is, you must not be
her character, or you will make my so overpoweringly gentleman-like as
flesh creep; you don't know what her you are apt.to be; no gentleman is so
character is to a woman, high or gentleman-like as all that; it could
low."                              not be borne, c'est suffoquant; and a
By this moderation, perhaps she white handkerchief is unsoldier-like,
held him still faster.             and nobody ties a white handkerchief
Friday morning  arrived.  Gatty so well as that; of all the vices,
had, by hard work, finished his pic- perfection is the most intolerable."
ture, collected his sketches from na- His Lordship then touched with his
ture, which were numerous, left by cane the Generalissimo's tie, whose
memorandum everything to his moth- countenance  straightway  fell,  as
er, and was, or rather felt, as ready to though he had lost three successive
die as live.                       battles.
He had hardly spoken a word, or   Gatty came up.
eaten a meal, these four days; his   They saluted.
mother was in anxiety about him.   "Where is your second, sir  " said
He rose early, and went down to the Marechal.
Leith; an hour later, his mother, find-   " My second? "said Gatty. "Ah!
ing him gone out, rose, and went to I forgot to wake him, - does it matseek him at Newhaven.              ter?"
Meantime Flucker had entirely re-   " It is merely a custom," said Lord
covered, but his sister's color had left Ipsden, with a very slightly satirical
her cheeks; and the boy swore ven- manner.  "Savanadero,"  said he,
geance against the cause of her dis- "do us the honor to measure the
tress.                             ground, and be everybody's second."
On Friday morning, then, there   Savanadero measured the ground,
paced on Leith Sands two figures.    and handed a pistol to each combaOne was Lord Ipsden.             taut, and struck an imposing attitude
The other seemed a military gen- apart.




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       167
"Are you ready, gentlemen 3" said threw his pistol to Saunders, saying,
this Jack-o'-both-sides.           " Catch that, Saunders."
"Yes!" said both.                  Saunders, on the contrary, by a
Just as the signal was about to be single motion changed his person from
given, an interruption occurred. "I a vertical straight line to a horizonbeg you pardon, sir,"  said Lord tal line, exactly parallel with the
Ipsden to his antagonist; " I am go- earth's surface, and the weapon sang
ing to take a liberty, -a great liberty innoxious over him.
with you, but I think you will find   His Lordship then, with a noble
your pistol is only at half cock."  defiance of etiquette, walked up to his
"Thank you, my Lord; what am  antagonist and gave him  his hand,
I to do with the thing  "          with a motion no one could resist;
"Draw back the cock so, and be for he felt for the poor fellow.
ready to fire?"                     "It is all a mistake," said he.
" So "  Banq!                     T "There is no sentiment between La
He had touched the trigger as well Johnstone and me but mutual esteem.
as the cock, so off went the barker; I will explain the whole thing: I adand after a considerable pause the mire her for her virtue, her wit, her
Field-Marshal sprang yelling into the innocence, her goodness, and all that
air.                               sort of thing; and she, what she
"Hallo! " cried Mr. Gatty.    sees in me, I am sure I don't know,"
"Ah! oh! I'min  a dead man," added he, slightly shrugging his ariswhined the General.                tocratic shoulders.  " Do me the hon"Nonsense!" said Ipsden, after a or to breakfast with me at Newhamoment of anxiety. "Give yourself ven."
no concern, sir," said he, soothingly,   "I have ordered twelve sorts of fish
to his antagonist, - "a mere acci- at the' Peacock,' my Lord," said
dent. -— Mardechal, reload Mr. Gatty's Saunders.
pistol."                             "Divine! (I hate fish) I told Saun"Excuse me, my Lord -"           ders all would be hungry and none
"Load his pistol directly," said his shot; by the by, you are winged, I
Lordship, sternly: "and behave like think you said, Saunders  "
a gentleman."                        "No, my Lord! but look at my
"My Lord! my Lord! but where trousers."
shall I stand to be safe  "          The bullet had cut his pantaloons.
" Behind me! "                    " I see, - only barked; so go and
The Commander of Division ad- see about our breakfast."
vanced reluctantly for Gatty's pistol.    " Yes, my Lord " (faintly).
" No, my Lord! " said( Gatty, " it   "And draw on me for fifty pounds
is plain I am not a fit antagonist; I worth of - new trousers."
shall but expose myself, - and my   " Yes, my Lord" (sonorously).
mother has separated us; I have lost   The duellists separated, Gatty takher, -if you do not win her, some ing the short cut to Newbaven; he
worse man may; but oh! if you are proposed to take his favorite swim
a man, use her tenderly."          there, to refresh himself before break" Whom 2 "                       fast; and he went from his Lordship
" Christie Johnstone! 0  sir, do a little cheered by remarks which fell
not make her regret me too much! from him, and which, though vague,
She was my treasure, my consolation, sounded friendly; - poor fellow, ex- she was to be my wife, she would cept when he had brush in hand he
have cheered the road of life, - it is a was a dreamer.
desert now. I loved her - I - I-"    This Viscount, who did not seem
Here the poor fellow choked.    to trouble his head about class digLord Ipsden turned round, and nity, was to convert his mother from




1G8                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
her aristocratic tendencies or some-   "Ipsden, take care, you will make
thing.                             me hate you, if you detract from a
Q.ue saisje? what will not a dream- deed vou cannot emulate. This gener hope?                           tleman risked his own life to save
Lord Ipsden strolled along the others, - he is a hero! I should
sands, and judge his siurprise, when, know him by his face the moment I
attended by two footmen, he met at saw him. 0 that I were such a man,
that time in the morning Lady Bar- or knew where to find such a creabara Sinclair.                     ture!"
Lord Ipsden had been so disheart-   The water came into Lord Ipsden's
ened and piqued by this lady's con- eyes; he did not know what to say
duct, that for a whole week he had or do; he turned away his head.
not been near her: this line of beha-   Lady Barbara was surprised; her
vior sometimes answers.            conscience smote her.
She met him with a grand display   " 0 dear," said she, " there now, I
of cordiality.                     have given you pain-forgive me;
She inquired, "Whether he had we can't all be heroes; dear Ipsden,
heard of a most gallant action, that, don't think I despise you now as I
coupled with another circumstance" used. 0 no! I have heard of your
(here she smiled) " had in part recon- goodness to the poor, and I have more
ciled her to the age we live in  "  experience now. There is nobody I
He asked for further particulars.    esteem  more than you, Richard, so
She then informed him  "that a you need not look so."
ship had been ashore on the rocks,   "Thank you, dearest Barbara."
that no fisherman dared venture out,   " Yes, and if you were to be such a
that g young gentleman had given goose as to write me another letter
them his whole fortune, and so bribed proposing absurdities to me-"
them to accompany him; that he had   "Would the answer be different i"
saved the ship and the men's lives,   "Very different."
paid away his fortune, and lighted an    " 0 Barbara, would you accept  "
odious cigar, and gone home, never   "Why, of course not; but I would
minding, amidst the blessings and ac- refuse civilly!"
clamations of a maritime population."   " Ah!"
A beautiful story she told him; so   " There, don't sigh; I hate a sighbeautiful, in fact, that until she had ing man. I'll tell you something
discoursed ten minutes he hardly rec- that I know will make you laugh."
oonized his own feat; but when he She then smiled saucily in his face,
did he blushed inside as well as out and  said,  "Do  you  remember
with pleasure. Oh! music of music, Mr. * * SqE "
- praise from eloquent lips, and those   L'eff'onte! this was the earnest
lips the lips we love.             man.
The next moment he felt ashamed;   But Ipsden was a match for her
ashamed that Lady Barbara should this time.
praise him beyond his merits, as he   "I think I do," said he; "a genconceived.                         tleman who wants to make John Bull
He made a faint hypocritical en- little again into John Calf; but it
deavor to moderate her eulogium; won't do."
this gave matters an unexpected turn,   Her ladyship laughed. " Why did
Lady Barbara's eyes flashed defiance. you not tell us that on Inch Coombe  "
" I say it was a noble action, that   "Because I had not read' The
one nursed in effeminacy (as you all Catspaw' then."
are), should teach the hardy seamen   "' The Catspaw?' Ah! I thought
to mock at peril, - noble fellow!"   it could not be you. Whose is it i"
"He did a man's duty, Barbara."    " Mr. Jerrold's."




CHRISTIE JOHQNSTONE.                        169
"Then Mr. Jerrold is cleverer than  and" (holding out her hand like an
you."                               angel) "I must trouble you to for" It is possible."                give me."
"It is certain! Well, Mr. Jerrold    He kissed her lovely hand.
and Lord Ipsden, you will both be   "I esteem  you more and more,"
glad to hear that it was, in point of said he.
fact, a bull that confuted the advo-   "You ought, for it has been a hard
cate of the Middle Ages; we were stiruggle to me not to adore you,
walking; he was telling me manhood because you  are so improved, mon
was extinct except in a few earnest cousin."
men who lived upon the past, its   "Is it possible? In what respect  "
associations, its truth; when a horrid    " You are browner and charitabler;
bull gave - 0 - such a bellow! and and I should have been very kind to
came tiotting up. I screamed and you, -mawkishly kind, I fear, my
ran -I remember nothing but arriv- sweet cousin, if this wretched money
ing at the stile, and lo, on the other had not gone down in the' Tisbe.'"
side, offering me his arm with emL-   " Hallo! " cried the Viscount.
pressement across the wooden barrier   "Ah!" squeaked Lady Barbara,
was -"                              unused to such interjections.
"Well l."                           "Gone down in what?" said Ips"Well! don't you see?"          den, in a loud voice.
"No - 0 - yes, I see! - fancy -     "Don't bellow in people's ears.
ah! Shall I tell you how he came to The' Tisbe,' stupid,"  cried she,
get first over? He ran more earnest- screaming at the top of her voice.
ly than you."                          "Ri turnm, ti turn, ti tumi, tum, tum,
"It is not Mr. Jerrold this time, I tiddy, iddy," went Lord Ipsden, -
presume," said her satirical Ladyship. he whistled a polka.
"No! you  cannot always have   Lactl Barbara (inspectin~g him gravehim. I venture to predict your Lady- ly). "I have heard it at a distance,
ship on your return home gave this but I never saw how it was done bemedi.Tval personage  his conge."    fore. It is very, vy pretty!!!!"
" No!"                             Ipsden. " Polkez-vous, maclame?"
" No?"                             Lady Barb.  "Si, je polke, Ifon"I gave it him at the stile! Let sieur le   Vicomte."
us be serious, if you please; I have   They polked for a second or two.
a confidence to make you, Ipsden.   "Well, I dare say I am wv.rong,"
Frankly, I owe you some apology for cried Lady Barbara, " but I like yon
my conduct of late; I meant to be better now you are a downrightreserved,-I have been rude, - but ahem!- than when you were only
you shall judge me. A year ago you an insipid non-intellectual-you are
made me some proposals; I rejected greatly improved."
them because, though I like you -"   Ips. "In what respects? "
" You like me? "                   Lady Barb. "Did I not tell you?
"I detest your character. Since browner and more impudent; but
then, my West India estate has been tell me," said she, resuming her sly,
turned into specie; that specie, the satirical tone, "how is it that you,
bulk of my fortune, placed on board who used to be the pink of courtesy,
a vessel; that vessel lost, at least we dance and sing over the wreck of my
think so, - she has not been heard fortunes?":)f.U.      "Because they are not wrecked."
" My dear cousin."                  "I thought I told you my specie is
" Do you comprehend that now I gone down in the' Tisbe.'"
Lm  cooler than ever to all young   Ipsden. "But the'Tisbe' has not,entlemen who have large incomes, gone down."




1 70(}                CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Lady Barb. " I tell you it is."  pleasure, sir. OGim et ficec meminsisse
Ipsden. " I assure you it is not."   — I beg your pardon, sir."
Lacd/ Barb. " It is not "          Ancient c1rariner (takbig 0off his hat
Ipsclen. "Barbara! I am too Ihap- with feeling). "God bless ye, sir, and
py, I begin to nourish such sweet send ye many happy days, and well
hopes once more. 0, I could fall on spent, with the pretty lady I see
my knees and bless you for something alongside; asking your pardon, miss,
you said just now."                for parting pleasanter company, - so
Lady Barbara blushed to the term- I'11 sheer off."
ples.                                And away went the skipper of the
"Then why don't you? " said she. "Tisbe," rolling fearfully.  In the
"All you want is a little enthusiasm." heat of this reminiscence, the skipper
Then recovering herself, she said: -   of the yacht( they are all alike, blue wa"You kneel on wet sand, with ter once fairly tasted) had lost sight
black trousers on; that will never of Lady Barbara;  he now  looked
be!!!"                           round. Imagine his surprise!
These two were so occupied that   Her Ladyship was in tears.
they did not observe the approach of   "Dear Barbara," said Lord Ipsden,
a stranger until he broke in upon "do not distress yourself on my actheir dialogue.                    count."
An Ancient Mariner had been for' It is not your fe-feelings I care
some minutes standing off and on, about; at least, I h-h-hope not; but
reconnoitring Lord Ipsden; he now  I have been so unjust, and I prided
bore down, and with great rough, myself so on my j-ju-justice."
roaring cordiality, that made Lady   "Never mind!"
Barbara start, cried out:-          " Oh! if you don't, I don't. I hate
" Give me your hand, sir, - give myself, so it is no wonder you h-hate
me your hand, if you were twice a me."
Lord.                                " I love you more than ever."
" I could n't speak to you till the   " Then you are a good soul! Of
brig was safe in port, and you slipped course you know I always l-esteemed
away, but I've brought you up at you, Richard."
last; and - give me your hand again,   "No! I had an idea you:despised
sir. I say, is n't it a pity you are a me! "
Lord instead of a sailor  "          ".How silly you are! Can't you
Ipsden. "But I am a sailor."     see? When I thoughtg you were not
Ancient Mariner. "That ye are, perfection, which you are now, it
and as smart a one as ever tied a true- vexed me to death; you never saw
lover's knot in the top; but tell the me affront any one but you? "
truth, - you were never nearer losing    "No, I never did!  What does
the number of your mess than that that prove? "
day in the old' Tisbe.'              " That depends upon the wit of him
Lady Barb. " The old' Tisbe'! that, reasons thereon."  (Coming to
Oh!"                              herself.)
Ipsden. "Do you remember that   "I love you, Barbara! Will you
nice little lurch she gave to leeward honor me with your hand  "
as we brought her ronncl             "No! I am not so base, so selfish:
Lady Barb. " 0 Richard! "        you are worth a hundred of me, and
Ancient Mla1riner. " And that reel here have I been treating you de hautt
the old wench gave under our feet, en bas. Dear Richard, poor Richard. 
north  the pier-head.  I wouldn't Oh! oh! oh!"  (A perfect flood of
have given a washing-tub for her at tears.)
that moment."                        "Barbara! I regret nothing; this
Ipsden.  " Past  danger becomes moment pays for all."




CIHRISTIE  JOHNSTONE.                     171
"Well, then, I will! since you keep   " What is your will wi' me  " said
pressing me. There, let me go; I she, coldly.
must be alone; I must tell the sea   " I- I-   How pale you are!"
how unjust I was, and how happy I   " I am no very weel."
am, and when you see me again you   "She  has  been  watching  over
shall see the better side of your cousin muckle wi' Flucker," said Jean.
Barbara."                            Christie thanked her with a look.
She was peremptory. " She had   " I hope it is not - not -"
her folly and his merits to think over,"   " Nae fears, lad," said she, briskshe said; but she promised to pass ly; "I dinna think that muckle o'
through Newhaven, and he should ye."
put her into her pony-phaeton, which   " And I think of nothing but you,"
would meet her there.              said he.
Lady Barbara was only a fool by   A deep flush crimsoned the young
the excess of her wit over her experi- woman's brow, but she restrained
ence; and Lord Ipsden's love was not herself, and said icily: "Thaat's very
misplaced, for she had a great heart gude o' ye, I'sn sure."
which she hid from little people. I   Gatty felt all the contempt her
forgive her!                       manners and words expressedc. lle
The resolutions she formed in com- bit his lips: the tear started to his
pany with the sea, having dismissed eye.  " You will forget me," said
Ipsden, and ordered her flunky into  he: "I do not deserve to be rememthe horizon, will probably give our bered, but I shall never forget you.
Viscountjust half a century of conju- I leave for England: I leave Newgal bliss.                         haven forever, where I have been so
As he was going, she stopped him  happy. I am going at three o'clock
and said: " Your friend had browner by the steamboat: won't you bid me
hands than I have hitherto conceived good by  " he approached her timidpossible.  To tell the truth, I took themn ly.
for the claws of a mahogany table   "Ay! that wull do," cried she;
when he grappled you, — is that the " Gude be wi' ye, lad; I wish ye nae
term     C'est eyal - I like him - "    ill."  She gave a commanding gesShe stopped him  again.  " Ips- ture of dismissal; he turned away,
den, in the midst of all this that and went sadly from her.
poor man's ship is broken. I feel   She watched every motion when his
it is! You will buy him  another, back was turned.
if you really love me, -for I like   "That is you, Christie," said Jean;
him."                              "use the lads like dirt, an' they think
And so these lovers parted for a a' the mair o' ye."
time; and Lord Ipsden with a bound-   " O0 Jean, my hairt's broken. I'm
ing heart retiu'ned to Newhaven. He just deeing for him."
went to entertain his late vis-a-vis at   " Let me speak till him then," said
the "Peacock."                     Jean; "I'11 sune bring him till his
Meantimea shorter and less pleasant marrow-banes "; and she took a hasty
rencontre had taken place between step to follow him.
Leith and that village.              Christie held her fast. "I'd dee
Gatty felt he should meet his lost ere I'd give in till them. 0 Jean!
sweetheart; and sure enough, at a I'm a lassie clean flung awa; he has
turn of the road, Christie and Jean neither hairt nor spunk ava, yon
came suddenly upon him.            lad!"
Jean nodded, but Christie took no   Jean began to make excuses fo,
notice of himn; they passed him; he him: Christie inveighed against him'
turned and followed them, and said, Jean spoke up for him with more
" Christie!"                       earnestness.




172                   CHRISTIE JOIHNSTOXE.
Now observe, Jean despised the minutes before any of the other perpoor boy.                          sons who, it is to be observed, were
Christie adored him.             approaching it from different points;
So Jean spoke for him, because wo- they came slowly in, Christie in parmen of every degree are often one sol- ticular, with a listlessness she had
id mass of tact; and Christie abused never known till this last week; for
him, because she wanted to hear him  some days her strength had failed her,
defended.'   -it was Jean that carried the creel
now, - before, Christie, in the pride of
her strength, would always do more
than her share of theirjoint labor: then
CHAPTER XVI.               she could hliardly'be forced to eat, and
what she did eat Mras quite tasteless
RICHARD, Lord Viscount Ipsden, to her, and sleep left her, and in its
having dotted the sea-shore with sen- stead came uneasy slumbers, from
tinels, to tell him of Lady Barbara's which she awoke quivering from head
approach, awaited his guest in the to foot.
" Peacock "; but, as Gatty was a little   Oh! perilous venture of those who
behind time, he placed Saunders sen- love one object with the whole heart.
tinel over the "Peacock," and strolled   This great but tender heart was
eastward; as he came out of the " Pea- breaking day by day.
cock;" Mrs. Gatty came down the lit-   Well, Christie and Jean, strolling
tle hill in front, and also proceeded slowly into the New Town of Neweastward; meantime Lady Barbara haven, found an assemblage of the
and her escort were not far from the natives all looking seaward; the fishNew Town of Newhaven, on their way ermen, except Sandy Liston, were
from Leith.                        away at the herring fishery, but all
Mrs. Gatty came down, merely the boys and women of the New
with a vague fear. She had no rea- Town were collected; the girls felt a
son to suppose her son's alliance with momentary curiosity; it proved, howChristie either would or could be re- ever, to be only an individual swimnewed, but she was a careful player ming in towards shore from a greater
and would not give a chance away; distance than usual.
she found he was gone out unusually   A little matter- excites curiosity in
early, so she came straight to the such places.
only place she dreaded; it was her   The man's head looked like a spot
son's last day in Scotland. She had of ink.
packed his clothes, and he had in-   Sandy Liston was minding his own
spired her with confidence by arrang- business, lazily mending a skait-net,
ing pictures, &c., himself; she had no which he had attached to a crazy old
idea he was packing for his departure herring-boat hauled up to rot.
from this life, not Edinburgh only.   Christie sat down, pale and lanShe came then to Newhaven with guid, by him, on a creepie that a lass
no serious misgivings, for, even if her who had been baiting a line with
son had again vacillated, she saw that, mussels had just vacated; suddenly
with  Christie's pride and her own she seized Jean's arm withl a convulfirmness, the game must be hers in sive motion; Jean looked up, —it
the end; but, as I said before, she was was the London steamboat running
one who played her cards closely, and out from Leith to Granton Pier to
such seldom lose.                  take up her passengers for London.
But my story is with thetwo young Charles Gatty was going by that
fishwives, who, on their return from  boat; the look of mute despair the
Leith, found themselves at the foot poor girl gave went to Jean's heart;
of the New Town, Newhaven, some she ran hastily from the group, and




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                        173
cried out of sight for poor Chris- Christie, as she dashed after them
tie.                               like the wind.
A fishwife, looking through a tel-    Haw! haw! haw!" laughed Sanescope at the swimmer, remarked: dy.
"He's coming in fast; he's a gallant   " What's her business picking up
swimmer yon -"                     a mon against his will  " said a wo"Can he dee't?" inquired Chris- man.
tie of Sandy Liston.                 " She's an awfu' lassie," whined
"Fine thaat," was the reply;' he another.
does it aye o' Sundays when ye are   The examination of the swimmer
at the kirk."                      was then continued, and the crowd
" It's no oot o' the kirk-window  increased; some would have it he
ye'll hae seen him, Sandy, my mon," was rapidly approaching, others that
said a young fishwife.             he made little or no way.
" Rin for my glass ony way, Fluck-   " Wha est?'" said another.
er," said Clristie, forcing herself to    " It's a lummy," said a girl.
take some little interest.           "Na! it's no a  luemmy," said
Plucker brought it to her, she put another.
her hand on his shoulder, got slowly    Christie's boat was now seen standup, and stood on the creepie, and ad- ing out from the pier. Sandy Lisjusted the focus of her glass; after a ton, casting a contemptuous look on
short view, she said to Flucker: —    all the rest, lifted himself lazily in" Rin and see the nock." She then to the herring-boat and looked sealevelled her glass again at the swim- ward. His manner changed in a momer.                               ment.
Flucker informed her the nock said   " The Deevil!" cried he; "the
"half eleven," - Scotch for "half tide's turned! You wi' your glass,
past ten."                         could you no see yon man's drifting
Christie  whipped  out a  well- oot to sea? "
thumbed almanac.                     " Hech!" cried the women, " he'll
" Yon nock's aye ahint," said be drooned, - he'll be drooned! "
she. She swept the sea once more   " Yes; he'll be drooned! " cried
with her glass, then brought it to- Sandy, "if yon lassie does na come
gether with a click, and jumped off the alongside him deevelich quick, - he's
stool: her quick intelligence viewed sair spent, I doot."
the matter differently from  all the   Two spectators were now added to
others.                            the scene, Mrs. Gatty and Lord Ips"Noow," cried she, smartly, "wha den. Mrls. Gatty inquired what was'11 lend me his yawl X "           the matter.
"Hets! dinna be sace interferin,   "It's a mon drooning," was the
lassie," said a fishwife.          reply.
"Hae nane o' ye ony spunk?"    The poor fellow, whom Sandy, by
said Christie,' taking no notice of the aid of his glass, now discovered to be
woman. "Speak, laddies!"          in a worn-out condition, was about
"M' uncle's yawl is at the pier- half a mile east of Newhaven pierhead; ye'll get her, my woman," head, and unfortunately the wind was
said a boy.                        nearly due east. Christie was stand"A  schell'n for wha's first on ing north-northeast, her boat-hook
board," said Christie, holding up the jammed against the sail, which stood
coin.                              as flat as a knife.
"Come awa', Flucker, we'11 hae    The natives of the Old Town were
her schell'n"; and these two worthies now seen pouring down to the pier
instantly effected a false start.  and the beach, and strangers were
"It's no under your jackets," said collecting like bees.




174                    ( CHRISTIE JOHINSTONE.
" After wit is everybody's wit!!!"    " She's an awfu' lassie," whined
Old Proverb.                     another.
The affair was in the Johnstone's   " He's awa," groaned Liston, "he's
hands.                              doon! "
"That boat is not going to the    "INo! he's up again," cried Lord
poor man," said Mrs. Gatty, "it is Ipsden; " but I fear he can't live till
turning its back upon him."         the boat comes to him."
"She canna lie in the iwind's eye,   The fisherman and the Viscount
for as clever as she is," answered a held on by each other.
fishwife.                              "lHe does na see her, or maybe he'd
"I  ken  wha  it is,"  suddenly tak hairt."
squeaked  a little  fishwife; " it's   "I'd give ten thousand pounds if
Christie Johnstone's lad; it's yon only he could see her. My God, the
daft painter fr' England.  Hech!" man will be drowned under our eyes.
cried she, suddenly, observing Mrs. If he but saw her!!!"
Gatty, "it's your son, woman."       The words had hardly left Lord
The unfortunate woman gave a Ipsden's lips, when the sound of a
fearful scream, and, flying like a tiger woman's voice came like an 2Eolian
on Liston, commanded him " to go note across the water.
straight out to sea and save her   "IHurraih! "   roared Liston, and
son."                               every creature joined the cheer.
Jean Carnie seized her arm. " Div    " She'11 no let him  dee.  Ah!
ye see yon boat? "cried she; "and div she's in the bows, hailing him an'
ye mind Christie, the lass wha's hairt waving the lad's bonnet ower her
ye hae broken? aweel, woman, - it's head to gie him coorage.  Gude bless
just a race between ceetl and Cirsty ye, lass; Gude bless ye! "
Johnstonefor your son."                Christie knew it was no use hailThe poor old woman  swooned ing him against the wind, but the modead away; they carried her into ment she got the wind she darted into
Christie Johnstone's house, and laid the bows, and pitched in its highest
her down, then hurried back, —the key her full and brilliant voice;
greater terror absorbed the less.   after a moment of suspense she reLady Barbara Sinclair was there ceived proof that she must be heard
from Leith; and, seeing Lord Ipsden by him, for on the pier now hung
standing in the boat with a fisherman, men and women, clustered like bees,
she asked him  to tell her what it breathless with anxiety, and the mowas; neither he nor any one answered ment after she hailed the drowning
her.                                man, she saw and heard a wild yell
"Why doesn't she come about, of applause burst from the pier, and
Liston? " cried Lord Ipsden, stamp- the'pier was more distant than the
ing with anxiety and impatience.    man.  She snatched Flucker's cap,
"She'll no be lang," said Sandy; planted her foot on the gunwale, held
"but they'll mak a mess o''t wi' on by a rope, hailed the poor fellow
ne'er a man i' the boat."           again, and waved the cap round and
" Ye're sure o' thaat? " put in a round her head, to give him courage;
woman.                               and in a moment, at the sight of this;
"Ay, about she comes," said Lis- thousands of voices thundered back
ton, as the sail came down on the their cheers to her across the water.
first tack. He was mistaken; they Blow, wind, —spring, boat,- and
dipped the lug as cleverly as any man you, Christie, still ring life towards
in the town could.                  those despairing ears, and wave hope
" Hech! look at her hauling on the to those sinking eyes; cheer the boat
rope like a mon," cried a woman. on, you thousands that look upon
The sail flew up on the other tack.   this action; hurrah! from  the pier;




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       175
hurrah! firom the-town; hurrah! from    Christie darted away forward to
the shore; hurrah! now, from the the mast, passed a rope round it,
very ships in the roads, whose crews threw it the boys, in a moment it was
are swarming on the yards to look; under his shoulders.  Christie hauled
five minutes ago they laughed at you; on it from the fore thwart, the boys
three thousand eyes and hearts hang lifted him, and they tumbled him,
upon you now; ay, these are the mo- gasping and gurgling like a dying
ments we live for!                salmon, into -the bottom of the boat,
And now dead silence. The boat and flung net and jackets and sail
is within fifty yards, they are all three over him, to keep the life in him.
consulting together round the mast;   Ah! draw your breath all hands at
an erlor now is death; his forehead sea and ashore, and don't try it again,
only seems above water.            young gentleman, for there was noth" If they miss him on that tack  " ing to spare; when you were missed
said Lord Ipsden, significantly, to at the bow two stout hearts quivered
Liston.                            for you; Lord Ipsden hid his face in
" He'11 never see London Brigg his two hands, Sandy Liston gave a
again," was the whispered reply.   groan, and, when you were grabbed
They carried on till all on shore astern, jumped out of his boat, and
thought they would run over him, or cried:past him; but no, at ten yards dis-   "A gill o' whiskey for ony favor,
tant they were all at the sail, and had for it's turned me as seeck -as a -doeg."
it down like lightning; and then He added: " He may bless yon lassie's
Flucker sprang to the bows, the other fowr banes, for she's taen him oot o'
boy to the helm.                   Death's maw, as sure as Gude's in
Unfortunately, there were but two heaven! "
Johnstones in the boat; and this boy,   Lady Barbara, who had all her life
in his hurry, actually put the helm to been longing to see perilous advenport, instead of to starboard. Chris- tures, prayed, and trembled, and cried
tie, who stood amidships, saw the er- most piteously; and Lord Ipsden's
ror; she sprang aft, flung the boy back was to her, and he paid no attenfrom the helm, and jammed it hard- tion to her voice; but when the battle
a-starboard with her foot. The boat was won, and Lord Ipsden turned and
answered the helm, but too late for saw her, she clung to his arm and
Flucker; the man was four yards dried her tears; and then the Old
from him as the boat drifted by.    Town cheered the boat, and the New
" He's a deed mon!" cried Liston, Town cheered the boat, and the towns
on shore.                          cheered each other; and the JohnThe boat's length gaye one more stones, lad and lass, set their sail,
little chance; the after-part must and swept back in triumph to the
drift nearer him, - thanks to Christie. pier; so then Lady Barbara's blood
Flucker flew aft; flung himself on mounted and tingled in her veins like
his back, and seized his sister's pet- fire. " O, how noble! " cried she.
ticoats.                              "Yes, dearest," said Ipsden. " You
"Fling yourself ower the gun- have seen something great dclone at
wale," screamed he. "Ye'll no hurt; last; and by a woman, too!"
I'se haud ye."                      " Yes," said Barbara, " how beautiShe flung herself boldly over the ful! oh! how beautiful it all is; only
gunwale; the man was sinking, her the next one I see I should like the
nails touched his hair, her fingers danger to be over first, that is all."
entangled themselves in it, she gave   The boys and Christie, the moment
him a powerful wrench and brought they had saved Gatty, up sail again
him alongside; the boys pinned him  for Newhaven; they landed in about
like wild-cats.                    three minutes at the pier.




17                     CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
TIME.                         She rewarded them with a valuable
From Newhaven town to pier on       precept.
foot....1 m. 30 sec.
First tack....      30   "Mind your own business!" said
Second tack, and getting him on     she.
board....4    0        "Hech! y' are a dour wife!" cried
Back to the pier, going free    3   30    Newhaven.
Total.. 14   30       The dour wife bent her eyes on the
ground.
They came in to the pier, Christie    The people were still collected at
sitting quietly on the thwart after her the foot of the street, but they were
work, the boy steering, and Flucker now in knots, when in dashed Flucker,
standing against the mast, hands in arriving by a short cut, and crying:
his  pockets; the  deportment this " She does na ken, she does na ken,
young gentleman thought fit to as- she was ower moedest to look, I daur
sume on this occasion was "complete say, and ye'11 no tell her, for he's a
apathy"; he came into port with the blackguard, an' he's just making a
air of one bringing home the ordinary  fule o' the puir lass, and if she kens
results of his day's fishing; this was, what she has done for him, she'11 be
I suppose, to impress the spectators fonder o' him  than a coow  o' her
with the notion that saving lives was cauf."
an every-day affair with La Famille    "0 Pilucker! we maun tell her,
Johnstone; as for Gatty, he came to it's her lad, her ain lad, she saved,"
himself under his heap of nets and expostulated a woman.
jackets, and  spoke once between    "Did ever my feyther do -a good
Death's jaw and the pier.           turn till ye l" cried Flucker. "Aweel,
"Beautiful!" murnmured he, and then, ye'll no tell the lassie, she's
was silent. The meaning of this ob- weel as she is; he's gaun t' Enngland
servation never transpired, and never the day.  I cannie gie ye a' a hidin,"
will in this world.  Six months after- said he, with an eye that flashed volwards, being subjected to a searching  nmes of good intention, on a hundred
interrogatory, he stated that he had and fifty people; "but I am. feytheralluded to the majesty and freedom  less and motherless, an' I can fa' on
of a certain pose Christie had adopted my knees an' curse ye a' if ye do us
whilst hailing him from the boat; but, sic an ill turn, an' then ye'll see
reader, if he had wanted you and me whether ye'll thrive."
to believe it was this, he should not   "We'11 no tell, PFlucker, ye need
have been half a year finding it out, na curse us ony way."
— zincredclli odimusi!  They landed,   His Lordship, with all the sharp
and Christie sprang on shore; whilst authority of a skipper, ordered Master
she was wending her way through Flucker to the pier, with a messace to
the  crowd, impeded by greetings the yacht; Flucker qua yachtsman
and acclamations, with  every now  was a machine, and went as a matter
and then a lass waving her kerchief of course.  " I am determined to tell
or a lad his bonnet over the hero- her," said Lord Ipsden to Lady Barine's head, poor Mrs. Gatty was re- bara.
ceiving the attention  of the New    "But," remonstrated Lady Barbara,
Town; they brought her to, they told " the poor boy says he will curse us if
her the good news,- she thanked we do,"
God.                                  " He won't curse me."
The whole story had spread like   " How do you know that  "
wildfire; they expostulated with her,   "Because  the little blackguard's
they told her, now was the time to grog would be stopped on board the
show she had a heart, and bless the yacht if he did."
young people.                         Flucker had not been gone many




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       177
minutes  before loud  cheering was saw nothing.  With another cry, the
heard, and Christie Johnstone ap- very key-note of her great and loving
peared convoyed by a large detach- heart, she flung her arms round -
ment of the Old Town; she had tried Mrs. Gatty, who was on the same erto slip away, but they would not let rand as herself.
her.  They convoyed  her in tri-  "Hearts are not steel, and steel is bent;
umph till they saw the New Town    Hearts are not flint, and flint is rent."'
people, and then they turned and left
her.                                 The old woman felt Christie touch
She came in amongst the groups, a her. She turned from her son in a
changed woman, - her pallor and her moment, and wept upon her neck.
listlessness were gone, - the old light Her lover took her hand and kissed it,
was in her eye, and the bright color in and pressed it to his bosom, and tried
her cheek, and she seemed hardly to to speak to her; but all he could do
touch the earth.                   was to sob and choke, - and kiss her
"I'm  jalst droukit, lasses," cried hand again.
she, gayly, wringing  her  sleeve.   "My daughter!" sobbed the old
Every eye was upon her; did she woman.
know, or did she not know, what she   At that word Christie clasped her
had done?                         quickly; and then Christie began to
Lord Ipsden stepped forward; the cry.
people tacitly accepted him as the ve-   " I am not a stone," cried Mrs. Gathicle of their curiosity.          ty. "I gave him life; but you have
"Who was it, Christie?"         saved him from death. 0 Charles,
"I dinna ken, for my pairt!"    never make her repent what she has
Mrs. Gatty came out of the house.  done for you."
"A handsome young fellow, I hope,   She was a woman after all; and
Christie? " resumed Lord Ipsden.    prudence and prejudice melted like
Ye mann ask Flucker,"' was the snow before her heart.
reply. "I could no tak muckle no-   There were not many dry eyes, -
tice, ye ken," putting her hand before least of all the heroic Lady Barher eye, and half smiling.         bara's.
"Well! I hear he is very good look-   The three whom  a moment had
ing;.and I hear you think so too."   made one were becoming calmer, and
She glided to him, and looked in his taking one another's hands for life,
face. He gave a meaning smile. The when a diabolical sound arose, - and
poor girl looked quite perplexed. Sud- what was it but Sandy Liston, who,
denly she gave a violent start.    after furious resistance, was blubber" Christie! where is Christie? " had ing with explosive but short-lived vicried a well-kifown voice. He had olence' Having done it, he was the
learned on the pier who had saved first to draw everybody's attention to
him, -he had slipped up among the the phenomenon; and affecting to
boats to find her, - he could not find consider it a purely physical attack,
his hat,- he could not wait for it, -  like a coup de soled, or so on, he prohis dripping hair showed where he had ceeded instantly to Drysel's for his
been, - it was her love whom she had panacea.
just saved out of Death's very jaws.    Lady Barbara enjoined Lord IpsShe gave a cry of love that went den to watch these people, and not to
through every heart, high or low, lose a word they said; and, after she
young or old, that heard it.  And had insisted upon kissing Christie,
she went to him, through the air it she went off to her carriage. And
seemed; but, quick as she was, another she too was so happy, she cried three
was as quick; the mother had seen distinct times on her way to  ldinhim first, and shewas there. Cihristie burgh.
$~'                                L




178                    CITRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
Lord  Ipsden, having  reminded  treat you like a queen. When the
Gatty of his engagement, begged him  sun comes out again, I will work for
to add his motler and Christie to the you and fame. You shall have two
party, and escorted Lady Barbara to  things painted, *every stroke loyally
her phaeton.                        in the sunlight. In spite of gloomy
So then the people dispersed by winter and gloomier London, I will
degrees.                            try if I can't hang nature and sum"' That old lady's face seems famil- mer on your walls forever.  As for
iar to me," said Lord Ipsden, as he me, you know I must go to Gerard
stood on the little natural platform  Dow and Cuyp, and Pierre de Hoogh,
by the " Peacock."  "Do you know  when my little sand is run; but my
who she is, Saunders? "            handwriting shall warm  your chil"It is Peggy, that was cookinyour dren's  children's hearts, sir, when
Lordship's uncle's time, my  Lord. this hand is dust."  His eye turned
She married a green-grocer," added inwards, he walked to and fro, and
Saunders, with an injured air.      his companions died out of his sight,
"Hech! hech!" cried  Flucker, - he was in the kingdom of art.
"Christie has ta'en up her head wi'   His Lordship and Jean entered the
a cook's son."                       "Peacock,"  followed  by  Flucker,
Mrs. Gatty was ushered into the who merely lingered at the door to
"Peacock," with mock civility, by moralize as follows:Mr. Saunders. No recognition took    " Hech! hech'! isna thaat lanmentaplace, each being ashamed of the oth- ble?  Christie's mon's as daft as a
er as an acquaintance.               drunk weaver."
The next arrival was a beautiful   But one stayed quietly behind, and
young lady, in a black silk gown, a assumed that moment the office of her
plain but duck-like plaid shawl, who life.
proved to be Christie Johnstone, in    "Ay!" he burst out again, " the
her Sunday attire.                  resources of our art are still lfatlhomed!
When they met, Mrs. Gatty gave a Pictures are yet to be painted that shall
little scream of joy, and said: "0  refresh men's inner souls, and help their
my child; if I had seen you in that hearts against the artificial world; and
dress, I should never have said a charm  the fiend away, like David's
word against you."                  harp!!  The world, after centuries of
" Pars minima est ipsa puella snui!'    lies, will give nature and truth a trial.
What a paradise art will be, when
His Lordship stepped up to her, truths, instead of lies, shall be told on patook off his hat, and said: "VVill per, on marble, on canvas, and on the
Mrs. Gatty take from  me a commis- boards!!!"
sion for two pictures, as big as her-   "Dinner's on the' boarrd," mur-'self, and as bonny?" added he, doing imured  Christie, alluding  to Lord
a little Scotch. He handed her a Ipsden's breakfast; "and I hae the
check; and, turning to Gatty, add- charge o' ye," pulling his sleeve, hard
ed, "At your convenience, sir, bien enough to destroy the equilibrium  of
entendu."                           a flea.
" Hech! it's for five hundred pund,   "Then don't let us waste our time
Chairles."                          here.  0 Christie!"
" Good gear gangs in little book," *    "What est, my laddy 3 "
said Jean.                             "I'm so preciously hungry!!!"
"Ay, does it," replied Flucker, as-   "C-way * then  "
suming the compliment.                 Off they ran, hand in hand, sparks
" My Lord!" said the artist, " you of beauty, love, and happiness flying
treat Art like a prince; and she shall all about them.
* Bulk.                           * Come away.




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         179
CHAPTER  XVII.              ly with Lady Barbara, whose hero he
straightway became, and who nobly
"uTHERE is nothing but meeting  and poetically dotes upon him. He has
and parting in this world! " and you gone into political life to please her,
may be sure the incongruous person- and will remain there - to please himages of our tale could not long be to- self. They were both very grateful to
gether.  Their separate paths had Newhaven; when they married they
met for an instant, in one focus, fur- vowed to visit it twice a year, and minnished then and there the matter of gle a fortnight's simple life with its
an eccentric story, and then diverged simple scenes; but four years have
forever.                            passed, and they have never been
Our lives have a general current, there again, and I dare say never will;
and also an episode or two; and the but when Viscount Ipsden falls in
episodes of a commonplace life are with  a brother aristocrat, who is
often rather startling; in like manner crushed by The fiend cnnui, he rememthis tale is not a specimen, but an bers Aberford, and condenses his faepisode of Lord Ipsden and Lady mous recipe into a two-edged hex13arbara, who soon after this married arteter, which will make my learned
and lived like the rest of the beau moldce. reader laugh, for it is full of wisIn so doing, they passed out of my dom:hands; such as wish to know how f"Diluculo snrgas! miseris succurrere disViscounts and Viscountesses feed, and     cas "
sleep, and do the domestic (so called),
and the social (so called), are referred'lucker Johnstone meditated dur-.
to the fashionable novel.  To Mr. ing breakfast upon the five hundred
Saunders, for instance, who has in pounds, and regretted he had not
the press one of those cerberus-levia- years ago adopted Mr. Gatty's profesthans of fiction, so common now; sion; some days afterwards he invitincredible as folio to future ages. ed his sister to a conference.  Chairs
Saunders will take you by the hand, being  set, Mr. Flucker laid down
and lead you over carpets two inches this observation, that near relations
thick, - under rosy  curtains, - to should be deuced careful not to cast
dinner-tables.  He will fete you, and discredit upon one another; that now
opera you, and dazzle your young his sister was to be a lady, it was reimagination with ei'rgnes,  and sal- pugnant to his sense of right to be a
vers, and buhl, and ormolu. No fish- fisherman  and make her ladyship
wives or painters shall intfude upon blush for him; on the contrary, he
his polished scenes; all shall be as felt it his duty to rise to such high
genteel as himself.  Saunders is a consideration that she should be proud
good authority; he is more in the so- of him.
ciety, and far more in the confidence    Christie acquiesced at once in this
of the great, than most fashionable position, but professed herself emabarnovelists. Mr. Saunders's work will rassed to know how such a " ne'er-dobe in three volumes; nine hundred weel" was to be made a source of
and ninety pages!!!!!!         pride; then she kissed'lucker, and
In other words, this single work, of said, in a tone somewhat inconsistent
this ingenious writer, will equal in with  the  above, "Tell me, my
bulk the aggregate of all the writings laamb! "
extant by Moses, David, Solomon,   Her lamb informed her that the
Isaiah, and St. Paul!!!            sea has many paths; some of them
I shall not venture into competition disgraceful, such as line or net fishwith this behemoth of the. salon; I ing, and the periodical laying down,
will evaporate in thin generalities.    on rocky shoals, and taking -up -again,
Lord Ipsden then lived very happi- of lobster-creels; others, superior to




1SO                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
anything the dry land can offer in vice, he instantly bears up for his
importance and dignity and general sister's house,-Kensington Gravelestimation, such as the command of pits, - which he makes in the followa merchant vessel trading to the East ing manner: he goes up the river,
or West Indies. Her lamb then sug- - Heaven knows where all, - this he
gested that if she would be so good calls running down the longitude;
as to launch him  in the merchant- then he lands, and bears down upon
service, with a good rig of clothes the Gravel-pits; in particular knowland money in his pocket, there was edge of the names of streets lie is
that in his head which.would enable deficient, but he knows the exact
him to work to windward of most of bearings of Christie's dwelling.  iHe
his contemporaries.  He bade her tacks and wears according as masoncalculate upon the following results: ry compels him, and he arrives at
in a year or two he would be see- the gate.  He hails the house, in a
ocnd mate, and next year first mate, voice that brings all the inhabitants
and in a few years more skipper! of the row to their windows, includThink of that, lass!  Skipper of a ing Christie; he is fallen upon and
vessel, whose rig he generously left dragged into the house.   The first
his sister free to determine; premis- thing is, he draws out from his boots,
ing that two masts were, in his the- and his back, and other hiding-places,
ory of navigation, indispensable, and  China crape and marvellous silk handthat three were a great deal more kerchiefs for Christie; and she takes
like Cocker than two. This led to a from his pocket a mass of Oriental
general consultation; Flucker's am- sugar- plums, with  which, but for
bition was discussed  and praised. this precaution, she knows by expeThat modest young gentleman, in rience he would poison young Charspite of many injunctions to the con- ley; and soon lie is to be seen sittrary, communicated his sister's plans ting with his hand in his sister's,
for him to Lord Ipsden, and affected and she looking like a mother upon
to doubt their prudence.  The bait his handsome, weather- beaten face,
took; Lord Ipsden wrote to his man  and Gatty opposite, adoring him as
of business, and an unexpected blow  a specimen of male beauty, and somefell upon the ingenious Flucker. He times making furtive sketches of him.
was sent to school; there to learn a And then the tales he always brings
little astronomy, a little navigation, a with him; the house is never very
little seamanship, a little manners, dull, but it is livelier than ever when
&c.; in the mysteries of reading and this inexhaustible sailor casts anchor
writing his sister had already per- in it.
fected him  by dint of "the taws."    The friends (chiefly artists) who
This school was a blow; but Fluck- used to leave at 9-30, stay till eleven;
er was no fool; he saw there was no for an intelligent sailor is better comway of getting from  school to sea pany than two lawyers, two bishops,
without working.   So he literally three soldiers, and four writers of
worked out to sea. His first voyage plays and tales, all rolled together.
was distinguished by the following And still he tells Christie he shall
peculiarities: attempts to put tricks command a vessel some day, and
upon this particular novice generally leads her to the most cheering inended in the laugh turning against ferences from the fact of his prudence
the experimenters  and instead of and his general width-awake; in pardrinking his grog, which he hates, ticular he bids her contrast with him
he secreted it, and sold it for various the general fate of sailors, eaten up by
advantages. He has been now four land-sharks, particularly of the female
voyages; when he comes ashore, in- gender, whom he demonstrates to be
stead of going to haunts of folly and the worst enemies poor Jack has; he




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                         181
calls these sunken rocks, fire-ships, coming monomaniacal: and he found
and other metaphors.  He concludes all these qualities, together with thle
thus: " You are all the lass I mean sun and moon of human existence,
to have, till I'm  a skipper, and then - true love and true religion, - in
I'll bear up alongside some pretty, Christie Johnstone.
decent lass, like yourself, Christie,   In similar cases, foolish men have
and we'l sail in company all our set to work to make, in six months,
lives, let the wind blow high or low." their diamond of nature, the exact
Such is the gracious Flucker become cut and gloss of other men's pastes,
in his twentieth year. Last voyage, and, nervously watching the process,
with  Christie's aid, he produced a have suffered torture; luckily Charles
sextant of his own, and " made it Gatty was not wise enough for this;
twelve o'clock " (with the sun's con- he saw nature had distinguished her
sent, I hope), and the eyes of authori- he loved beyond her fellows; here, as
ty fell upon him.  So, who knows? elsewhere, he had faith in nature,perhaps he may one day sail a ship; he believed that Christie would charm
and, if he does, he will be prouder everybody of eye, and ear, and mind,
and happier than if we made him  and heart, that approached her; he
monarch of the globe.               admired her as she was, and left her
To return to our chiefs; Mrs. Gat- to polish herself, if she chose. He
ty gave her formal consent to her son's did well; she came to London with a
marriage with Christie Johnstone.    fine mind, a broad brogue, a delicate
There were examples. Aristocracy  ear; she observed how her husband's
had ere now condescended to wealth; friends  spoke, and  in. a very few
earls had married women rich by tal- months she had toned down her
low-importing papas; and no doubt, Scotch to a rich Ionic coloring, which
had these same earls been consulted in her womanly instinct will never let
Gatty's case, they would have decided her exchange for the thin, vinegar
that Christie Johnstone, with her real accents that are too prevalent in Engand funded property, was not a vil- lish  and French  society; and  in
lanous match for a green-grocer's son, other respects she caught, by easy
without a rapp *; but Mrs. Gatty did gradation, the tone of the new society
not reason so, did not reason at all, to which her marriage introduced her,
luckily, her heart ran away with her without, however, losing her charmjudgment, and, her judgment ceasing ing self.
to act, she became a wise woman.       The wise dowager lodges hard by,
The case was peculiar.  Gatty was having resisted an invitation to be in
an artist pur saig, - and Christie, the same house; she comes to that
who would not have been the wife for house to assist the young wife with
a petit imaitre, was the wife of wives her experience, and to be welcome, -
for him.                             not to interfere every minute, and
He wanted a beautiful wife to em- tease her; she loves her daughter-inbellish his canvas, disfigured hitherto law almost as much as she does her
by an injudicious selection of models; son, and she is happy because he bids
a virtuous wife to be his crown; a fair to be an immortal painter, and,
prudent wife to save him from ruin; above all, a gentleman; and she, a
a cheerful wife to sustain his spirits, wifely wife, a motherly mother, and,
drooping at times by virtue of his above all, a lady.
artist's temperament; an intellectual   This, then, is a happy  couple.
wife to preserve his children  from  Their life is full of purpose and inbeing born dolts, and bred dunces, and dustry, yet lightened by gayety; they
to keep his own mind from sharpening go to operas, theatres, and balls, for
to one point, and so contracting and be- they are young.  They have plenty
* A diminutive German coin.   of society, real society, not the ill-as



182                    CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
sorted collection of a predetermined    Christie and Charles are lovers still,
number of bodies, that blindly assumes - for they are man and wife.
that name, but the rich communica-   Christie and Charles are one fortion of various and fertile minds; ever, - for they are man and wife.
they very, very seldom  consent to    This wife brightens the house, from
squat four mortal hours on one chair kitchen to garret, for her husband;
(like old hares stiffening in their hot this husband works like a king for
forms), and nibbling, sipping, and his wife's comfort, and for his own
twaddling, in  four mortal hours, fame, —and that fame is his wife's
what could have been eaten, drunken, glory.  When one of these expresses
and said, in thirty-five minutes. They or hints a wish, the other's first imare both artists atheart, and it shocks pulse is to find the means, not the
their natures to see folks mix so very objections.
largely the inutile with the insipidurm,   They share all troubles, and, by
and waste, at one huge but barren  sharing, halve them.
incubation, the soul, and the stomach,   They share all pleasures, and, by
and  the irrevocable hours, things sharing, double them.
with which so much is to be done.   They climb the hill together now,
But they have many desirable ac- and many a canty day they shall have
quaintances, and not a few friends; with one another; and when, by the
the  latter  are  mostly  lovers  of inevitable law, they begin to descend
truth in their several departments, towards the dark valley, they will still
and in all things: among them  are go hand in hand, smiling so tenderly,
painters, sculptors, engineers, writers, and supporting each other, with a
conversers, thinkers; these acknowl- care more lovely than when the arm
edging, even in England, other gods was strong and the foot firm.
besides the intestines, meet often chez   On these two temperate lives old
Gatty, chiefly for mental intercourse; age will descend lightly, gradually,
a cup of tea with such is found, by gently, and late, —and  late upon
experience, to be better than a stalled these evergreen hearts, because they
elk where chit-chat reigns over the are not tuned to some selfish, isolated
prostrate hours.                     key; these hearts beat and ring with
This, then, is a happy couple; the the young hearts of their dear chilvery pigeons and the crows need not dren, and years hence papa and mamblush  for the nest at Kensington  ma will begin life hopefilly, wishfully,
Gravel-pits. There the divine institu- warmly again with each loved novice
tion Marriage takes its natural colors, in turn.
and it is at once pleasant and good    And when old age does come, it
to catch such glimpses of Heaven's will be no calamity to these, as it is to
design, and sad to think how often you, poor battered beau, laughed at
this great boon, accorded by God to by the fair ninnies who erst laughed
man and woman, must have been with you; to you, poor follower of salabused and perverted, ere it could mon, fox, and pheasant, whose joints
have sunk to be the standing butt are stiffening, whose nerve is gone, -
of farce-writers, and the theme qf whose Golgotha remains; to you,
weekly punsters.                    poor faded beauty, who have staked
In this pair we see the wonders a all upon man's appetite, and not acmale and female can do for each oth- cumulated goodness or sense for your
er in the sweet bond of holy wedlock. second course; to you, poor drawingIn that blessed relation alone two in- room wit, whose sarcasm has turned
terests are really one, and two hearts to venom and is turning to drivel.
lie safe at anchor side by side.       What terrors has old age for this
Christie and Charles are friends,-  happy pair? it cannot make them
for they are man and wife.          ugly, for, though the purple light of




CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.                       183
youth recedes, a new kind of tran- comes, loved souls will have gone
quil beauty, the aloe-blossom of many from earth, and from their tender boyears of innocence, comes to, and sits som, but not from their memories; and
like a dove upon, the aged faces, where will seam to beckon them now across
goodness, sympathy, and intelligence the cold valley to the golden land.
have harbored together so long; and   It cannot make them sad, for on
where evil passions have flitted (for earth the happiest must drink a sorwe are all human), but found no rest- rowful cup more than once in a long
ing-place.                         life, and so their brightest hopes will
Old agre is no calamity to them: have come to dwell habitually on
it cannot terrify them; for ere they things beyond the grave; and the
had been married a week the woman great painter, jam Senex, will chiefly
taught the man, lover of truth, to meditate upon a richer landscape, and
search for the highest and greatest brighter figures than human hand has
truths in a book written- for men's ever painted; a scene whose glories
souls by the Author of the world, he can see from hence but by glimpses
the sea, the stars, the sun, the soul; and through a glass darkly; the great
and this book, Dei gratia, will, as the meadows on the other side of Jordan,
good bishop sings,                 which are bright with the spirits of the
"' Teach them to live that they may dread   just that walk there, and are warmed
The grave as little as their bed."  with an eternal sun, and ring with the
triumph of the humble and the true,
It cannot make them sad, for, ere it and the praises of God forever.




184                   CHRISTIE JOHNSTONE.
NOTE.
Tins story was written three years ago, and one or two topics in it are
not treated exactly as they would be if written by the same hand to-day.
But if the author had retouched those pages with his colors of 1853, he
would (he thinks) have destroyed the only merit they have, viz. that of
containing genuine contemporaneous verdicts upon a cant that was flourishing like a peony, and a truth that was struggling for bare life, in the year
of truth 1850.
He prefers to deal fairly with the public, and, with this explanation and
apology, to lay at its feet a faulty but genuine piece of work




CLOUITDS AND SUNSHINE.








CLOUDS AND SUNSHINEo
CHAPTER  I.                The truth is, the inmates, like the
house, were a little behind their age:
TT is the London Season! Come they had no relations that were not
into the country! It is hot, and contained within these four walls, and
dusty, and muddy here; and this the feeling and tie of blood was very
opening of all the drains, which is to strong between them all.
bridle all the disorders by and by,   The Hathorns had one son, RobDoisons us dead meanwhile, 0 Board ert, a character; he was silent, and
of Health! Come into the country! passed with some for sulky; but he
In Oxfordshire, about two miles was not sulky, only reserved and
from the Thames, and on the skirts of thoughtful; he was, perhaps, a little
the beech forest that lies between Wal- more devoid of all levity than belingford and Hendley, stands an ir- comes a young man. He had great
regular farm-llhouse; it looks like two force and weight of character; you
houses forced to pass for one; for one might see that in his brow, and his
part of it is all gables, and tile, and steady manner, free from flourishes.
chimneycorners, and antiquity; the With the Hathorns lived Mr. Caseother is square, slated, and of the nower, a retired London tradesman.
newest cut outside and in.  The This gentleman had been bought out
whole occupies one entire side of its of a London firm for his scientific
own farm-yard, being separated from  way of viewing things: they had lost
the straw only by a small Rubicon of such lots of money by it.
gravel and a green railing; though    He had come to the Hathorns for a
at its back, out of the general view, month, and had now been with them
is a pretty garden.                a year, with no intention, on either
In this farm-house and its neigh- side, of parting yet awhile.  This
borhood the events of my humble good accord did not prevent a perpetstory passed, a very few years ago.   ual strife of opinions between CaseMrs. Mayfield, proprietor of the nower and old Hathorn. Casenower,
farm, had built the new part of the the science-bitten, had read all the
house for herself, though she did books chemists wrote on agriculture,
little more than sleep in it. In the and permitted himself to believe evantique part lived her cousin, old ery word. Hathorn read nothing on
Farmer Hathorn, with his wife and agriculture, but the sheep, the soil,
his son Robert. Hathorn was him- the markets, and the clouds, &c., and
self proprietor of a little land two sometimes read them wrong, but not
miles off, but farmed Mrs. Mayfield's so very often.
acres upon some friendly agreement,   Rose Mayfield was a young widow,
which they contrived to understand, fresh, free, high-spirited, and jovial;
but few else could, least of all a she was fond of company, and its life
shrewd lawyer.                    and soul wherever she was. Sheloved




188                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
flirtation, and she loved work; and business of several months; but the
when she could not combine them  new tenant, a gay, dashing young
she would take them by turns; she fellow, came one day to look over his
would leave the farm every now and new farm; and, to. Hathorn's surprise,
then, go to a fiiencl at Oxford, Read- called on him, and inquired for Mrs.
ing, or Abingdon, and flirt like wild- Mayfield. At sight of the new-comer,
fire for a fortnight; then she would that lady colored up to the eyes, and
return to the farm, and men, boys, introduced him to her cousin as Mr.
horses, and work would seem to go HIickman. The name, coupled with
more lively before she had been back her manner, struck Hathorn, but he
an hour.                           said nothing to Rose. Ile asked his
Mrs. Mayfield  was a  grazier. wife who this Hickman was. "He is
Though she abandoned her arable a stranger to me," was the reply,
land to her cousin's care, she divided " ask Rose; I hear he was her beau
with him her grass acres, and bred out Abingdon way."
cattle, and churned butter, and made   Here was a new feature. The good
cheeses, and showed a working arm  farmer became very uneasy; but counbare till dinner-time (one o'clock) six try-folks have plenty of tact.  He
days in the week.                  said little, — he only warned Robert
This little farm-house then held a (who did not seem dismayed by the
healthy, happy party; but one was intelligence),'and held himself on his
not quite content. Parents are mat- guard.
rimonial schemers; they cannot help    That same evening the whole fanmit; it's no use talking. Old Hathorn ily party were seated together, towards
wanted Rose Mayfield to marry his sundown, in Hathorn's dining-room,
son Robert, and so make all sure. - the farmer smoking a clay pipe,
The farmer was too wise to be always Mrs. Hathorn sewing, Mrs. Mayfield
tormenting the pair to come together, golng in and out, making business;
but he secretly worked tonwards that but Robert was painfully reading
end whenever he could without being some old deeds he had got fi'om Mrs.
seen through by them.              Mayfield the week before. This had
Their ages were much the same; been the young man's occupation for
and finer specimens of rustic stature several evenings, and Mrs. Mayfield
and beauty in either sex were not to had shrugged her shoulders at him
be seen for miles. But their disposi- and his deeds more than once.
tions were so different, that when,   OI1 the present occasion, finding
upon a kind word or a civility passing the room silent and reposeful, a state
between them, old Hathorn used to of things she abhorred, she said to
look at Mrs. Hathorn, Mrs. Hathorn Mrs. Hathorn, in a confidential whisused to shake her head, as mnuch as to per, so bell-like, that they all heard it,
say, " Maybe, but I doubt it."     as she meant them, " Has your RobOne thing the farmer built on was ert any thoughts of turning lawyer at
this; that, thougli Mrs. Mayfield was present? "
a coquette, none of her beaux followed   The question was put so demurely,
her to the farm. " She won't have that the old people smiled and did not
them here," argued Hathorn, "and answer, but looked towards Robert to
that shows she has a respect for Rob- answer. The said Robert smiled, and
ert at bottom."                    went on studying the parchment.
The good farmer's security was   " He does n't make us much the
shaken by a little circumstance. Bix wiser, thougll; does he? " continued
Farm, that lay but a mile from our Mrs. Mayfield. " Silence!" cried the
ground, was to let, and, in course of tormentor, the next moment, "he is
time, was taken by a stranger from  going to say something. He is only
Berkshire. Coming into a farm is a waiting till the sun goes down."




CLOUDS AND  SUNSHINE.                       189
H" I-e is only waiting till he has got Robert; " so I have written it down to
something to say," replied Robert, in the best of my ability, here. I wish
his quiet way.                     you would look at this paper, and
" Ah i" was the reply; " that is a you might read it over to father and
trick you have got. I say, Jane, if I mother, if you will be so good. I am
was to wait for that, what would going my rounds"; and out strolled
become of the house?"             Mr. Robert, to see that every cow
" It would not be so gay as it is, 1 was foddered, and every pig had his
dare say, Rose."                   share of the trough.
"And that would be a pity, you   Mrs. Mayfield took Robert's paper,
know. Well, Bob, when do you look and read what he had written, - some
to have something to say'. to-morrow  score of little dry sentences, each of
night, - if the weather holds  "   them a link in a chain of fact, - and
"I think I shall have something this was the general result: Fifty
to say as soon as I have read this years ago Mrs. Mayfield's father's fathrough."  He examined the last leaf, ther had broken off all connection
- then laid it down. "I have some- with his son, and driven him out of
thing to say."                     his house and disinherited him, and
Mrs. Hathorn laid down her work. adopted in his stead the father of.
"Cousin Mayfield," said Robert, Squire Phillips. The disinherited, be"what do you think of Uxmoor ing supplied with money by his mothFarm l"                            er, had got on in the world, and conCousin Mayfield, who had been all soled himself for the loss of his father's
expectation, burst into a fit of laugh- farms by buying one or two of his
ter that rang through the room like a own. He died before his father, and
little peal of bells.  Mrs. Hathorn bequeathed all he possessed to his
looked vexed, and Robert colored for daughter Rose. At last the old fela moment; but he resumed coolly: low died at an immense age, and under
"Why, it is two hundred tcres, most- his will Squire Philips took all his litly good soil, and it marches with your tle estates: but here came in Robert's
up-hill land. Squire Phillips, that discovery.  Of those four little eshas just got it, counts it the cream of tates, one had come into the old felhis estate." -                     low's hands from  his wife's father,
"And what have I to do with and through his wife; and a strict setSquire Phillips and Uxmoor? "      tlement, drawn so long ago that all,
"Why, this, Rose. I think Ux- except the old fellow who meant to
moor belongs to you."              cheat it, had forgotten it, secured the
"Nonsense, - is the boy mad? Uxmoor estate, after his parents'
Why, Squire Phillips got it along death, to Rose Mayfield's father, who
with Hurley, and Norton, and all the by his will had unconsciously transILydalls' farms. Of course they are ferred it to Rose.
all mine by right of blood, if every   This, which looks clear, had been
one had their own; but they were all patiently disentangled from a mass
willed away froin us fifty years ago. of idle words by Robert Hathorn, and
Who does n't know that? No: Squire the family began to fall gradually into
Phillips is rooted there too fast for us his opinion. The result was, Mrs.
to take him up,"                   Mayfield went to law with Squire
" It does not belong to Squire Phil- Phillips, and the old farmer's hopes
lips," was the cool reply.         revived; for he thought, and with
" To whom, then?"               reason, that all this must be another
"To you, Rose; or, if not to you, link between Robert and Rose; and
to father yonder, - but, unless I am  so the months glided on. The fate
much mistaken, it belongs to you. I of Uxmoor was soon to be tried at
am no great discourser," continued the Assizes.  Mr. Hickman came




190                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
over now and then, preparatory to set-   " No need to speak so sharp, grafadtling on Bix. Mrs. Mayfield made father," said she, in a clear, cold, but
no secret that she found him "very winning voice; "charity is not so
good company," -  that  was her common. We thank you, dame. He
phrase, - and he courted her openly. is an old soldier, and prouder than
Another month brought the great becomes the like of us. Good even,
event of the agricultural year, "the and good luck to your harvest!"
harvest."  This part- of Oxfordshire   They turned to go.
can seldom get in its harvest without   "Stop, girl! " said Mrs. Hathorn.
the assistance of some strange hands, "Robert," cried she, "I wish you
and Robert agreed with three Irish- would come here."
men and two Hampshire lads the   Robert put on his coat, and came up.
afternoon before the wheat harvest.   " It is an old soldier, Robert; and
"With these and our own people we they seem  decent folk, the pair of
shall do well enough, father," said he. them."
Just before the sun set, Mrs. Ha-   "An old soldier!" said Robert,
thorn was seated outside her own looking with some interest at the old
door with her work, when two people man, who, though stiff in the joints,
came through the farm-yard to speak was very erect.
to her; a young woman and a very   "Ay! young man," said the other,
old man. The former stood a little boldly, "when I was your age I
in the rear; and the old man came up fought for the land; and now, you
to Mrs. Hathorn, and, taking off his see, I must not work upon it! "
hat, begged for employment in the   Robert looked at his mother.
fields.                              "Come, Robert," said she, "we
"Our number is made up, old may all live to be old if it pleases
man," was the answer.              God."
The old man's head drooped; but   "Well," said Robert, "it seems
he found courage to say: " One more hard to refuse an old soldier; but he
or one less won't matter much to you, is very old, and the young woman
and it is the bread of life to us."  looks delicate; I am  sure I don't
"Poor' old man," said Mrs. Ha- know how to bargain with them."
thorn, "you are too old for harvest   "Count our two sickles as one,
work, I doubt."                   sir," said the girl, calmly.
"No such thing, dame;" said the   "So be it," said Robert; "any way,
old man, testily.                 we will give you a trial "; and he re" WAhat is it, mother?" cried Rob- turned to his work. And Corporal
ert from the barn.                 Patrick, for that was the old soldier's
"An  old man and his daughter name, no longer refused the homely
come for harvest work. They beg supper that was offered him, since he
hard for it, Robert."             could work it out in the morning.
"Give them their supper, mother,   The next morning at six o'clock
and let them go."                 the men and women were all in the
"I will, Robert; no doubt the wheat: Robert Hathorn at the head
poor things are hungry and weary of them, for.Robert was one of the
and all "; and she put down her work best reapers in the country-side.
to go to the kitchen, but the old man   Many a sly jest passed at the exstopped her.                      pense of Patrick and his grand"We are here for work, not for daughter Rachael. The old man ofcharity," said he; "and won't take ten answered, bhut Rachael hardly
anything we don't earn."          ever. At the close of the day, they
Mrs. Hathorn looked surprised, and drew apart from  all the rest, and
a little affronted. The girl stepped seemed content when they were alone
nearer.                           together.




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       191
In the course of a day or two, the gers formed in groups about the alereapers began to observethat Rachael house, the stocks, and  the other
was very handsome; and then she points of resort, and their occasional
became the object of much coarse laughter fell discordantly upon the
admiration.  Rachacl was as little ear, so holy and tranquil seemed the
affected by this as by their satire. air and the sky.'Robert Hathorn
She evaded it with a cold contempt, strolled out at the back of the house
which left little more to be said; and to drink the Sabbath sunset after a
then her rustic admirers took part week of toil: at the back of the
with the women against her.        largest barn was a shed, and from
Rachael was pale; and perhaps this shed, as he drew near to it, there
this was one reason why her beauty issued sounds that seemed to him as
did not strike the eye all at once; but, sweetly in unison with that holy sunwhen you came to know her face, she set as the villagers' rude mirth was
was beautiful.  Her long eyelashes out of tune. He came to the back of
were heavenly; her eye was full of the shed, and it was Rachael reading
soul; her features were refined, and the Bible aloud to her grandfather.
her skin was white and transparent, The words were golden, and fell like
and a slight blush came readily to it, dew upon all the spirits within their
at which moment she was lovely. It reach,- upon Robert, who listened
must be owned she did not appear to to them unseen;. upon Patrick, whose
advantage in the field among the reap- testy nature was calmed and soothed;
ers; for there she seemed to feel at and upon Rachael herself, who seemed
war; and her natural dignity degener- at this moment more hopeful, and
ated into a certain doggedness. After less determined to shrink within hera while Mrs. Hathorn took a fancy self.  Her voice, always sweet and
to her; and when she was beside this winning, became richer and mellower
good, motherly creature, her asperity as she read; and when she closed the
seemed to soften down, and her cold- book, she said, with a modest fervor
ness turned to a not unamiable pen- one would hardly have suspected her
siveness.                          of, "Blessed be God for this book,
Mrs. Hathorn said one evening to grandfather!  I do think it is the
Robert: "Robert, look at that girl. best thing of all the good things he
Do try and find out what is the mat- has given the world, and it is very
ter with her. She is a good girl as encouraging to people of low condiever broke bread; but she breaks my tion like us."
heart to look at her; she is like a   "Ay," said the old man, "those
marble statue. It is not natural at were bold words you read just now,
her years to be so reserved."' Blessed are the poor.' "
" Oh! " answered Robert, " let her   "Let us take them  to heart, old
alone, there are talkers enough in the man, since, strange as they sound,
world. She is a modest girl, — the they must be true."
only one in the field, I should say, -    Corporal Patrick pondered awhile
and that is a great ornament to all in silence, then said he was weary:
women, if they would but see it."  " Let us bless the good people whose
" Well, Robert, at all events, have bread we have eaten this while, and
your eye on them; they are stran- I will go to sleep; Rachael, my child,
gers, and the people about here'are if it was not for you, I could wish not
vulgar - behaved to strangers, you to wake again."
know."                               Poor old man, he was aweary; he
"I'11 take care; and, as for Ra- had seen better days, and fourscore
chael, she knows how to answer. the years is a great age; and he had been
fools, — I noticed that the first day." a soldier, and fought in great battles
Sunday evening came; the villa- head erect, and now, in his feeble days,




192                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
it was hard to have to bow the back   "That is easy to be seen, and I
and bend over the sickle among boys think I know what it is."
and girls who jeered him, and whose   " Do you, John? what? "
peaceful grandsires he had defended   "Why, he sees this Hickman is in
against Ellgland's enemies.       a fair way to carry off Rose MayCorporal Patrick and his grand- field."
daughter wvent into the barn to sleep,   "It is not that."
as heretofore, on the straw. Robert   " Why, what else can it be?"
Hathorn paced thoughtfully home,   " It is a wonder to me," said Mrs.
and about half an hour after this a Hathorn, "that a man shouldn't
cow-boy came into the barn to tell Cor- know his own son better than you
poral Patrick there were two truckle- seem to know Robert. They are very
beds at his service in a certain loft, good friends; but what makes you
which he undertook to show him. So think Robert would marry ler? Have
the old soldier and Rachael bivouacked you forgotten how strict he is about
no longer in thile barn.           women?  Why did he part with
" Who sent you l" said Rachael to Lucy Blackwood, the only sweetheart
the boy.                           he ever had? "'.'Mistress."                      " Hanged if I remember."
After this Robert Hath6rn paid   "Because she got herself spoken of
considerable attention both to Patrick  flirting at Oxford races once in a way;
and Rachael, and she showed by de- and Rose does mostly nothing else.
grees that she was not quite ice to And they do say that once or twice
a man that could respect her; not since her husband died, ahem! - "
that her manner was inviting even to   " She has kicked over the traces
him, but at least it was courteous, altogether? Fiddlestick "
and once or twice she even smiled on   "Fidlestick be it! She is a fine,
him, and a beautiful smile it was when spirity woman, and such are apt to
it did come; and, whether from  its set folk talking more than they can
beauty or its rarity, made a great im- prove. Well, Robert would n't marry
pression on all who saw it.        a woman that made folk talk about
It was a fine harvest-time, upon the her."
whole, and with some interruptions   " 0, he is not such a fool as to
the work went merrily on; the two fling the farm to a stranger. When
strangers, in spite of hard labor, im- does Rose come home? "
proved in appearance. Mrs. Hathorn   "Next week, as soon as the Assizes
set this down to the plentiful and are over, and the Uxmoor cause setnourishing meals which issued twice a tled one way or other."
day from her kitchen; and, as they had   "Well, when she comes back, you
always been her favorites, she drew  will see him clear up directly, and
Robert's attention to the bloom that then I shall know what to do. They
began to spread over Rachael's cheek, must come together, and they shall
and the old  soldier's brightening come together; and, if there is no
eye, as her work in a great measure.  other way, I know  one that will
Mrs. Mayfield was away, and dur- bring them together, and I'll work
ing her absence Hickman had not that way if I'm hanged for it."
come once to visit his farm or Ha-   "With all my heart," said Mrs.
thorn's.  This looked ugly.        Hathorn, calmly. " You can but try."
" Wife," said the farmer, one day,   "I will try all I know."
"what makes our Robert so moody of   Will it be believed, that, while he
late? "                           was in this state of uneasiness about
" 0, you have noticed it, have you? his favorite project, Mr. Casenower
Then I am right; the boy has some- came and invited him to a friendly
thing on his mind."                conference; announced to him  that




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                        193
he admired Mrs. Mayfield beyond and habit, riding her bay mare up at
aneasure, and had some reason to a hand-gallop on the grass by the
thinlk she awas not averse to him, and roadside. Up she came; the two
requested the -farmer's co-operation?  men waved their hats to her, which
" Confound the jade," thought Ha- salute she returned on the spot, in the
thorn, "she has been spreading the middle of a great shy, which her mare
net for this one, too, then; she will made as a matter of course; but, bebreak my heart before I have done fore they could speak, she stopped
with her."                         their mouths. "Where is Robert?
HIe answered demurely, "that he Not a word till he is by. I have not
did not understand women; that his forgot to whom  I owe it."  She
mind was just now in the harvest; sprang from the saddle, and gave a
and he hoped Mr. C. would excuse hand to each of the men; but before
him, and try his luck himself, - along they could welcome her, or congratuwith the rest," sail the old boy, rather late her, she had the word again.
bitterly.                          "Why of course you are; you are
The harvest drew towards its close; going to tell me you have been as
the barns began to burst with the dull as ditch-water since I went, as if
golden crops, and one fair rick after I did n't know that; and as for Uxanother rose behind them, like a rear- moor, we will all go there together in
guard, until one fine burning-hot day the afternoon, and I'11 kiss your
in September there remained nothing  Robert' then and there; and then he
but a small barley-field to carry.  will faint away, and we'11 come home
In the house Mrs. Hathorn and the in the cool of the evening. Is barley
servants were busy preparing the cart done yet? "
harvest-home dinner; in the farm-   "No, you are just in time; they
yard, Casenower and old Hathorn are in the last field."
were arguing a point of husbandry;   "Well, I must run in and cuddle.the warm  haze of a September day Jane, and help them on with the dinwas over the fields; the little pigs ner a bit."
toddled about contentedly in the straw    "Ay, do, Rose; put a little life
of the farm-yard, rooting here, and into them."
grunting, there; the pigeons sat upon   In about ten minutes Mrs. Mayfield
the barn tiles in flocks, and every now  joined them again; and old Hathorn,
and then one would come shooting who had spent that period in a brown
down, and settle, with flapping wings, study, began operations upon her,
upon a bit of straw six inches higher like a cautious general as he was.
than the level; and every now and   His first step might be compared to
then was heard the thunder of the reconnoitring the ground; and here,
horses' feet as they came over the if any reader of mine imagines that
oak floor of a barn, drawing a loaded country people are simple and devoid
wagon into it.  Suddenly a halloo  of art, for Heaven's sake let him rewas heard down the road; Mr. Case- sign that notion, which is entirely
nower and Hathorn  looked  over founded on pastorals written in metthe wall, and it was Mrs. Mayfield's ropolitan garrets.
boy Tom, riding home full pelt, and   Country people look simple; but
hurrahing as he came along.        that is a part of their profound art.
"We have won the day, farmer," They are the sqcnare-nosed sharks of
shouted he; "you may dine at Ux- terra firma. Their craft is smooth,.moor if you like. La bless you, the plausible, and unfathomable.  You
judge would n't hear a word against don't believe me, perhaps.  Well,
us. Hurrah! here comes the mis- then, my sharp cockney, go, live, and
tress; hurrah! "  And, sure enough, do business in tlhe country, and tell
Mrs. Mayfield was seen in her hat me at the year's end whether you
9                                  M




194                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
have not found humble unknown    "iRose," said Hathorn, solemnly
Practitioners of Humbug, Flattery, (he had never seen it either), " it is
Overreachinog, and  Manceuvre, to as poor as death! covered with those
whom thieves in  ondcon might go to long docks, I hear, and that is a sure
school.                            sign of land with no heart in it, just
We hear much, from such as write as a thistle is a good sign. Do your
with the but-end of their grandfather's books tell you that? " said he, sudflageolet, about simple swains and denly turning to Casenower.
downy meads; but, when you get   "No," said that gentleman, with
there, you find the natives are at incredulous contempt.
least as downy as any part of the   "And it is badly fhrmed; no wonconcern.                           der, when the farmer never goes nigh
"I thought you would be home it himself, trusts all to a sort of hailift.
to-day, Rose."                     Mind your eye, Rose. Why does he
"Did you? Why?"                never go there? tell me that."
"Because Richard Hickman has   " Well, you know, of course; he
been here twice this morning."     tells me he left it out of regard for
" Richard Hickman! what was his me."
business here? "                     "Haw! haw! haw! why, he has
" Well, they do say you and he ale known you bnt six months, and he
to go to church together one of these has not lived at home this five years.
days, - the pair of you."          What do you think of it, Mr. Case"' Well, if the pair of us go to nower? Mind your eye, Rose."
church, there will be a pair of wed-   " I mean to," said Rose; and if
dings that day."                   vou had seen the world of suppressed
" How smooth a lie do come off a -fun and peeping observation in the
woman's tongue, tobesure! "thought said eye, you would have felt how
Mr. Hathorn.                       capable it was of minding itself, and
Mr. Casenower put in his word. of piercing like a gimlet even through
" I trust I shall not offend you by my a rustic Machiavel.
zeal, madam, but I hope to see you   Mr. Casenower whispered to Hamarried to a better man than Hick- thorn, "Put in a word for me."  He
man."                              then marched up to Rose, and, taking
"With all my heart, Mr. Cas-  her hand, said, with a sepulchral tenhem! You find me a better man, derness, at which RIose's eye literally
and I won't make two bites at him, dl.nced in her head: " Kno-w your
- ha! ha! ha! "                    own value, dear Mrs. Mayfield, and
" He bears an indifferent character, do not throw yourself away on an un- ask the farmer here."            worthy object."  He then gave Ha" 0," said the farmer, with an os- thorn a slight wink and disappeared,
tentation of candor, " I don't believe leaving his cause in that simple rusall I hear."                       tie's hands.
" I don't believe half, nor a quar-   "It is all very fine, but if I am to
ter," said Mrs. Mayfield; "but, for wait fbr a man without a fault, I shall
Heaven's sake, don't fancy I am  die an old - fool."
wrapped up in Richard Hickman, or   "That is not to be thought of,"
in any other man; but he is as good said Hathorn, smoothly; "but what
company as here and there one, and you want is a fine, steady young man,
he has a tidy farm nigh hand, and -like my Robert, nowv-"
good land of his own out Newbury    "So Vou have told me once or twrice
way by all accounts."              of late," said the lady, archly. " Rob-' Good land," shouted the farmer; ert is a good lad, and pleases my eye
"did you ever see it? "           well enough, for that matter; but he
" Not I."                        has a fault that would n't suit me,




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       19a
nor any woman, I should think, with-   "If I was to tell you my thought,
out she was a fool."               it would n't please you, - and, after
"Why, what is wrong about the all, I may be wrong. Hush! here
boy?"                             he is. Take no notice, for Heaven's
"The  boy looks  sharper after sake."
women than women will bear.  -le   At this moment the object of his
reads everything we do with magni- father's schemes and his mother's
fying - glasses, and I like fun, always anxiety sauntered up to them, with
did, and always shall; and then he his coat tied round his neck by the
would be  jealous, — and  then I arms, and a pitchfork over his shoulshould leave him the house to him- der. " Father," said he, "you may
self, that is all."                tap the barrel; the last wagon is com" No, no! you would break him  ing up the lane."
into common sense."                   "Ay," was the answer; "and you
" More likely lhe would make a go and offer your arm to Rose, - she
slave of me; and, if I am to be one, is come home, - and ask her to dance
let me gild the chain a bit, as the say- with you."
ing is."                             " I am not in the humor to galli"Now, Rose," said the tactician, vant," was the languid answer.  "I
" you know very well a woman can leave that to you, father."
turn a man round her finger if lie   "To me, - at my time of life! Is
loves her."                        that the way to talk at eight-and" Of course I know that; but Rob- twenty? And Rose Mayfield, - the
ert does not happen to love me."   rose-tree in full blossom I "
"Doesn't love you! Ay, but he   "Yes; but too many have been
does!"                            smelling at the blossom for me ever
" What makes you think that 2 "   to plant the tree in my garden."
" O, if you are blind, I am not.   "What does the boy mean? "
-Ie tries to hide it, because you are   " To save time and words, father;
rich, and he is poor and proud."   because you have been at me about
"0  fie! don't talk nonsense. What her once or twice of late."
signifies who has the money2 "       " What! is it because she likes
"The way I first found it out is, dancing and diversion at odd times?
N.vhsn they speak of your marrying Is that got to be a crime, Parson
that. Hickman, he trembles all over Bob  "
like. Here comes his mother; you    "No! but I won't have a wife I
ask  her,"  added  the  audacious could n't trust at those pastimes," was
schemer.'    the resolute answer.
" No, no!" cried Mrs. Mayfield;   " O, if you are one of the jealous" none of your nonsense before her, if minded ones, don't you marry any
you please"; and she ran off, with a one, my poor chap!" 
heightened color.'                "Father, there are the strange
"I shall-win the day," cried Ha- reapers to pay. Shall I settle with
thorn to his wife. " I have made her them for you? " said Robert, quietly.
believe Robert loves her, and now I'11   "No! Let them come here; I'11
tell him  she dotes on him.  Why, pay them," answered Hathorn, senior,
what is the matter with you?  You rather sullenly.
seem put out. What ails you?"       If you want to be crossed, and
"I have just seen Robert, and I thwarted, and vexed, set your heart,
don't like his looks.  He is like a not on a thing you can do yourself,
man in  a dream  this morning, -  but on something somebody else is to
worse than ever."                  do  if you want to be tormented to
"Why, what can be the matter death, let the wish of your heart dewith him?"                        pend upon two people, a man and a




196                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
woman, neither of them  yourself.   "That's fai! that is fair! If you
Now do try this recipe; you will find agreed with my son, a bargain is a
it an excellent one.               bargain; but, for all that, one good
Old Hathorn, seated outside his arm  is better than two weak ones,
own door, with a table and money- and -"
bags before him, paid the Irishmen   This tirade received an unexpected
and the Hampshire lads, and invited interruption.  Robert walked up to
each man to the harvest-home dinner,. the table, without lifting his eyes from
He was about to rise and put up the ground, and said: "I ask your
his money-bags, when Mrs Hathorn pardon, father; your bad leg has kept
cried to him from the house, "Here you at home this harvest; but I
are two more that have not been reaped at the head of the band, and I
paid"; and the next minute old Pat- assure you the young woman did a
rick and Rachael issued from  the man's share; and every now and then
house, and came in front of the table. the old man took her place; and so,
Robert, who was going in to dress, resting by turns, they kept ahead of
turned round and leaned against the the best sickle there. And therefore I
corner of the house, with his eyes say," continued Robert, raising his
upon the ground.  "Let me see," eyes timidly, "on account of their
said Hathorn, "what are you to poverty, their weary limbs, and their
have?"                            stout heart for work, you cannot pay
" Count yourself," replied Patrick; them less than one good reaper."
" you know what you give the oth-   " What is it, Robert? " said Mrs.
ers."                              Hathorn, who had come out to see
"What I give the others! but you the meaning of all this.
can't have done the work -"          "But if he would be juster still,
"Not of two; no, we don't ask the mother, like him that measures his
wages of two."                     succor to the need, he would pay them
",Of course you don't."          as one and a half. I've said it."
A spasm of pain crossed Robert's   Hathorn stared withludicrous wonface at this discussion, but he re- der. "And why not as two? Are
mained with  his eyes upon  the you mad, Robert? taking their part
ground.                            against me?
" Where's the dispute," said the   "Enough said," answered Patrick,
old soldier, angrily; "here are two with spirit.  "Thank you, Master
that ask the wages of one; is that Robert, but that would be an alms,
hard upon you? "                   and we take but our due. Pay our
"There is no dispute, old man," two sickles as one, and let us go."
said Robert, steadily. "Father, twen-   "You see, father," cried Robert,
ty-five times five shilling is six pounds "these are decent people; and, if you
five; that is what you owe them."    had seen how  they wrought, your
" Six pound five for a man of that heart would melt as mine does. 0
age? "                            mother! it makes me ill to think there
"And my daughter; is she to go are poor Christians in the world so
for nothing? "                    badly off they must bow to work be"Your daughter, your daughter; yond their age and strength to bear.
she is not strong enough to do much, Take a thought, father.  A  man
I'm sure."                        that might be your father,- a man
Rachael colored: her clear, con- of fourscore years, —and a delicate
vincing voice fell upon the disputants. woman, - to reap, the hardest of all
" We agreed with Master Robert to country work, fiom  dawnr till sunkeep a ridge between us, and we have down, under this scorching sun and
done it as well as the best reaper. wind, that has dried my throat and
Pay us as one good reaper then."   burnt my eyes,- let alone theirs. It




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       197
is hard, father; and, if you have a feel- go into the house with it. "Stay one
ing heart, you can't show it better minute, Rachael."
than here."                          " Yes, Master Robert."
"There! there!" cried the farmer,   "How  old are you, Rachael"
"say no more; it is all right. (You Robert blushed after he had put this
have made the girl cry, Bob.)  Rob- question; but he was obliged to say
ert does n't often speak, dame, so we something, and he did not well know
are bound to listen when he does. how to begin.
There is the money. I never heard   "Twenty-two," was Rachael's anthat chap say so many words be- swer.
fore."                               "'Don't go just yet. Is this your
"We thank you all," said Patrick; first year's reaping?"
"my blessing be on your grain, good   "No, the third."
folks; and that won't hurt you from    " You must be very poor, I am
a man of fourscore."               afraid."
"That it will not, Daddy Patrick,"   " Very poor indeed, Master Robsaid Mrs. Hathorn. "You will stay ert."
for harvest-home, both of you. Ra-   "Do you live far from here?"
chael, if you have a mind to help me,   "Don't you remember I told you
wash some of the dishes."          I came twenty miles from here? "
"Ay!" cried the farmer: " and it   " Why, Newbury is about that disis time you were dressed, Bob." And tance."
so the party separated.              "I think your mother will want
A few minutes later Rachael came me."
to the well, and began to draw  a   "Well, don't let me keep you
bucket. of water. This well worked against your will."
in the following manner.  A chain    Rachael entered  the  Hathorns'
and rope were passed over a cylinder, side.
and two buckets were attached to the   Robert's heart sank. She was so
several ends of the rope, so that the gentle, yet so cold and sad. There
empty bucket descending helped in was no winning her confidence, it apsomne slight degree the full bucket to peared. Presently she returned with
mount.  This cylinder was turned an empty basket, to fetch the linen
by an iron handle. The well was a from Mrs. Mayfield's side. As she
hundred feet deep. Rachael drew the passed Robert, who, in despair, had
bucket up easily enough until the determined not to try any more, but
last thirty feet; and then she found who looked up sorrowfully in her
it hard work. She had both hands face, she gave him  a smile, a very
on the iron handle, and was panting faint one, but still it did express some
a little, like a tender fawn, when a slight recognition and thanks. His
deep but gentle voice said in her ear: resolve melted at this one little ray of
" Let go, Rachael"; and the handle kindly feeling.
was taken out of her hand by Robert   "Rachael," said he, "have you any
Hathorn.                           relations your way 2"
"Never mind me, Master Robert,"   "Not now!" and Rachael was a
said Rachael, giving way reluctantly. beautiful statue again.
"Always at some hard work or   "But you have neighbors who are
other," said he; "you will not be good to you? "
easy till you kill yourself."  And   "We ask nothing of them."
with this he whirled the handle round   "Would it not be better if you
like lightningo with one hand, and the could both live near us i"
bucket came up in a few moments.   "I think not."
He then filled the pitcher for her,   " Why? my mother has a good
which she took up, and was about to heart."




198                   CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
" Indeed she has."                  It was natural that Hickman, whose
"And Mrs. Mayfield is not a bad great object just now was Rose Mayone either."                        field, should put this reading on Rob"I hear her well snoken of."      ert's coldness: but in point of fict it
" And yet you mean to live on, so was not so; the young man had no
far away fiom all of us  "          feeling towards Hickman but the
"Yes! I must go for the linen." quiet repugnance of a deep to a shallow
She waited a moment as it were for soul, of a quiet and thoughtfnil to a
permission to leave him, and, nothing rattling fellow.  Only just now gaymore being said, she entered Mrs. ety was not in his heart, and as HickMayfield's side.                    man was generally gay, and always
Robert leaned his head sorrowful- sonorous, he  escaped  to his own
ly on the rails, and fell into a revery. thoughts.  Hickman watched his re"I am nothing to her," thought treat, with an eye that said, "You
he; "her heart is fhr away.  How  are my rival, but not one I fear; I
good, and patient, and modest she is, can outwit you."  And it was with a
but 0, how cold! She turns my smile of triumphant conscious superiheart to stone. I am a fool; she has ority that Richard Hickman turned
some one in  her own country to round to go  into  Mrs. Mayfield's
whom  she is as warm, perhaps, as house, and found himself face to face
she is cold to us strangers, - is that with Rachael, who was just coming
a fault?  She is too beautiful, and out of it with the basket full of linen
too good, not to be esteemed by oth- in her hand.  Words cannot paint
ers besides me. Ah! her path is one the faces of this woman and this man,
way, mine another,- worse luck, -  when they saw  one another.  They
would to God she had never come both started, and were red and white
here!   Well, may she be happy! by turns, and their eyes glared upon
She can't hinder me fiom praying she one another; yet, though the surmay be happy, happier than she is prise was equal, the emotion was not
now. Poor Rachael!"                quite the same. The woman stood,
A  merry  but somewhat vulgar her bosom heaving slowly and high,
voice broke incredibly harsh and loud, her eye dilating, her lips apart, her
as it seemed, upon young Hathorn's elastic figure rising higher and higher.
revery.                              She stood there, wild as a startled
" Good day, Master Robert."       panther, uncertain whether to fight or
Robert looked up, and there stood to fly. The man, after the first start,
a young fhrmer in shooting-jacket seemed to cower under her eye, and
and gaiters, with a riding-whip in his half a dozen expressions that chased
hand.                                one another across his face left one
" Good morning, Mr. Hickman."  fixed there, — Fear! abject fear!
"The mistress is come home, I
hear, and it is your harvest-home today, so I'11 stop here, for I am tired,
and so is my horse, for that matter."         CHAPTER  II.
Mr. Hickman wasted the latter part
of this discourse  on  vacancy, for   THEY eyed one another in silence:
young Hathorn  went coolly away at last Hickman looked down upon
without taking any further notice of the ground and said, in faltering, illhim.                                assured tones, "H-how  d'ye do,
"I call that the cold shoulder," Rachael  I —I did n't expect to see
thought Hickman; "but it is no you here."
wonder; -that chap wants to marry    "Nor I you."
her himself, of course he does. Not   "If you are busy, don't let me stop
if I know it, Bob Hathorn."         you, you know," said Hickman, awk



CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                        199
wardly and confused, and, like one enough to do what's right; I am,
with no great resources, compelled to though, now I have got the means."
ultter sollethinlg.                   " To do what? "
Then Rlachael, white as a sheet,   "Why, to do my duty by him, - to
took up her basket again, and moved provide for him."
away in silence! The young' farmer   "For whom? " cried Rachael, wildeyed her apprehensively, and, being ly, " WHIEN ItE IS DEAD!"
clearly under the influence of some   " Dead?"
misgiving as to her intentions, said:   "Dead!"
" If ou blow me, it will do me harm    " Don't say so, Rachael; don't say
and you no good, you know, Rachael. so."
Can't we be friends?'              " He is dead! "
"Friends! - you and I  "          "Dead! I never thought I should
"Don't be in such a hurry, — let us have cared much; but that word do
talk it over. I am a little better off seem to knock against my heart. I'd
than I used to be in those days."  give a hundred pounds to any one
" What is that to me  ",, would tell me it is not true, - poor
"Plenty; if you won't be spiteful, thing! I've been to blame; I've been
and set others against me in this to blame."
part": by " others," doubtless Hick-   "You were not near us when he
man intended Mrs. TMaTyfield.      came into the world; you were not
" I shall neither speak nor think of near us when he went out of it.  He
you," wtas the cold answer.        lived in poverty, with me; he died in
Ilad Richard Hickmln been capa- poverty, for all I could do, and it is
ble of fathoming Rachael Wrioht, or against my will if I did fiot die with
even of reading her present marble him. Our life or our death gave you
look and tone aright, he would have no cares. While he lived, you reseen that he had little to app:ehend ceivecl a letter every six months from
firom her beyond contempt, a thing he me, claiming my rights as your wife."
would not in the least lihave minded;   Hickman nodded assent.
but he was cunning, and, like the cunl-   " Last year you had no letter."
ning, shallowish; so he pursued his   "No more there was."
purpose, feeling  his way with her to   "And did not that tell you? Poor
the best of his ability.           Rachael had lost her consolation and
"I have had a smart bit of money her hope, and had no more need of
left me lately, Rachael."          anything! "
"What is that to me i"             "Poor Rachael!" cried the man,
"'What is it? why, a good deal, stung with sudden remorse. " Curse
because I could assist you now, may- it all! Curse you, Dick Hickman! "
be."                               Then, suddenly recovering his true
"And what right have you to assist nature, and, like us men, never at a
me nlowv'? "                      loss for an excuse against a woman,
"Confound it, Rachael, how proud he said, angrily: " What is the use of
you are! - why, you are not the same letters? - why did n't you *'ome and
girl. O, I see! as for assisting you, tell me you were so badly off  "
I know you would rather work than    "Me come after you! The wrongbe in debt to any one; but then there doer? "
is another basides you, you know."   " 0, confound your pride! Should
" What other? " said Rachael, los- have sent the old( man to me, then."
ing her impassibility, and trembling    "My grandfather, an old soldier as
all over at this simple word.      proud as fire! Sent him to the man
" What other? " why, confound it, who robbed me of my good name by
who ever saw a girl fence like this? cheating the law! You are a fool!
I suppose you think I am not man Three times he left our house with




200                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
his musket loaded to kill you, - three moment merry voices began to sound
times I got him  home again; but on every side. The clatter was heard
how? —by prayers, and tears, and of tables being brought out of the
force, all three, or you would not be kitchen, and the harvest-home people
here in life."'                    were seen coming towards the place
"The Devil! what an old Tartar! where IRachael and Hickman were;
I say, is he here alone with you L "    so Hickman said, hastily, " Any way,
", you need not fear," said Ra- don't think to blow me, - for, if you
chael, with a faint expression of scorn, do, I'11 swear you out, my lass, I'11
" he is going directly, and I am going swear you out."
too; and when I do go from here, I   "No doubt you know how to lie,"
shall have lost all the little pleasure was the cold reply.
and hope I have in the world," said   "There, Rachael," cried Hickman,
Rachael, sorrowfully; and, as she said piteously, lowering his tone of defithis, she became unconscious of Hick- ance in a moment, " don't expose me
man's presence, and moved away with- before the folk, whatever you do.
out looking at him; but that prudent Here they all come, confound them!"
person dared not part with her so. He   Rachael made no  answer. She
was one of those men who say, "I retired into the Hathorns' house, and
know the women," and, in his sagaci- in a few minutes the tables were set,
tv, he dreaded this woman's tongue. just outside the house, and loaded
lie determined, therefore, to stop her with good cheer, and the rustics began
tongue, and not to risk Rose Mayfield to ply knife and fork as zealously as
and thousands for a few pounds.    they had sickle, and rake, and pitch"Now, R achael, listen  to  me. fork; and so, on the very spot of earth
Since the poor child is dead, there is where Rachael had told Hickman her
only you to think of. We can do child was dead, and with him  her
one another good or harm, you and heart, scarce five minutes afterwards
I; better good than harm, I say. came the rattle of knives and forks,
Suppose I offered you twenty pounds,'and peals of boisterous laughter and
now, to keep dark? "              huge feeding. And thus it happens
" You poor creature! "          to many a small locality in this world,
" Well, thirty, then i"          - tragedy, comedy, Hiand farce are act" O, hlold your tongue, - you make ed on it by turns, and all of them in
me ashamed of myself as well as you." earnest. So  harvest - home  dinner
"I see what it is, you want too proceeded with great zeal; and after
much; you want me to be your hus- the solids the best ale was served
band."                             round ad libitum, and intoxication,
"No; while my child lived, I sanctified by immemorial usage, folclaimed my right for his sake: but lowed in due course. However, as
not now, not now"; and the poor this symptom of harvest was a long
girl suddenly turned her eyes on Hick- time coming on upon the present ocman, with an indescribable shudder, casion, owing to peculiar interrupthat a woman would have interpreted tions, the reader will not have to follow
to the letter; but no man could be ex- us so far, which let us hope he will
pected to read it quite aright, so many not regret.
things it said.                      Few words worthy of being emHickman the sagacious chose to balmed in an immortal story warrantunderstand by it pique and personal ed to live a month, were uttered durhostility to him, and desire of ven- ing the discussion of the meats, for
geance; and, having failed to bribe when thefrctges consumnere adti are let
her, he now resolved to.try and out- loose upon beef, bacon, and pudding,
face her.                          among the results dialogue on a large
It so happened that at this very scale is not.




CLOUDS AND  SUNSHINE.                        201
"' Yet shall the Muse " embalm a put on herself a linen collar and linen
conversation that passed on this oc- wristbands, very small and plain, but
casion between the brothers Messen- white and starched; and at this their
ger, laborers aged about fifty, who had humble attempt to be decent and nice
been on this farm  nearly all their one or two (who happened to be dirty
lives.                               at the time) could not help sneering.
Bob Messenger was carving a loin  Another thing, Rachael and Patrick
of veal. Jem Messenger sat opposite were strangers.  Soile natives cut a
him, eating bacon and beans on a jest or two at their expense, and
very large scale.                   Patrick was about to answer by flingBob (liming at extraordinary po- ing his mug at one man's head; but
liteness). "Wool you have some veal Rachael restrained him, and said:
along with your bacon, Jem?"       "Be patient, grandfather. They were
Jeun. " That I wool not, Bob " never taught any better. When the
(with a reproachful air, as one whom  farmer's health has been drunk we
a brother had sought to entrap).    can leave them."
When the table was cleared of the   People should be able to take jests,
viands, the ale-mugs and horns were or to answer them  in kind, not to
filled, and Mrs. Mayfield and the Ha- take them to heart; but Rachael and
thorns took part in the festive cere- Patrick had seen better days (they
mony, that is, they did not sit at were not so very proud and irritable
the table, but they showed themselves then), and now  Patrick, naturally
from time to time, and made their high-spirited, was sore, and could not
humble guests heartily welcome by bear to be filliped, and Rachael was
word, and look, and smile, as their become too cold and bitter towards
forefathers had done at harvest-time, all the vulgar natures that blundered
each in their century and generation. up against her, not meaning her any
Presently Bob  Messenger arose good, nor much harm, either, poor
solemnly, with his horn of ale in his devils!
hand.  The others rose after him,   A giggle greeted their departure;
knowing well what he was going to but it must be owned it was a somedo, and chanted with himn the ancient what uneasy giggle.
harvest-home stave: —                  There was in the company a cer"'Here'sa healthunto our master, tain Timothy Brown John, who was
The founder of the feast,  naturally  a  shoemaker, but was
Not only to our master,  turned out into the stubble annually
But to our mistress.    at harvest-time.  The lad had a small
Two voices. Then drink, boys, drink,
And see as you do not spill,  rustic genius for music, which he ilFor if you do, you shall drink to lustrated by playing the clarionet in
Our health with a free good- church, to the great regret of the
will.
r  Thn drink boys drink clergyman. Now after the chorus one
Chorus.   Then drink, boys, drink," &c.  I
or two were observed to be nudging
Corporal Patrick and Rachael left this young man, and he to be making
the table. They had waited only to those mock-modest difficulties which
take part in this compliment to their are part of a singer, in town or counentertainers, and now they left. The try.
reason was, one or two had jeered    "Ay, Tim," cried Mrs. Mayfield,
them before grace.                  "you sing us a song."
The corporal had shaved and made   "He have got a new  one, mishimself very clean, and he had put on tress!" put in a carter's lad, with
his faded red jacket, which he always saucer eyes.
carried  about,  and  Rachael had    " What is it about, boy?"
washed his neck-handkerchief, and    " Well," replied the youngster, " it
tied it neatly about his neck;, and had is about love" (at which the girls




202                   CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
giggled); "and I think it is about a small cow-boy; he added with enyou, Dame Mayfield."                thusiasm, " she is a capital slider, she
"About me! then it must be nice." is!!!" and he smiled at some remiClhorus of Rustics.  "Haw! haw! niscence, perchance of a joint somerhaw!"                              sault upon the ice, last winter.
"Come, Mr. Brown John, I will   "Hannah does not happen to be
trouble you for it, directly. I can see Rebecca, young gentleman," objectthe bottom  of some of their mugs, ed Casenower; "sing away, John
Jane."                              Brown."                      0
"Well," said Mr. Brown John,   "I'm  a going, sir.  G-g-g —--
looking down, " I don't know what g-" and he impressed the key-note
to  say  about  it.  Mayhap  you once more upon their souls. Then
might n't like it quite so well before sang Brown John the following song,
so much company."                   and the rest made the laughing cho"Why not, pray?"                 rus, and, as they all laughed in differ"Well, you  see, dame, I am  ent ways, though they began laughafeard I shall give you a red face, like, ing from their heads, ended in laughwith this here song."               ing from their hearts. It was pleas" If you do, I'll give you one with ant and rather funny, and proved so
this here hand."                     successful, that after this Il MlCaestro
Chorus. "Haw, haw! Ho!"           Brown John and his song were asked
" Drat the boy, sing, and have done to all the feasts in a circle of seven
with it."                            miles. There were eight verses: we
"I'11 do my best, ma'am," replied  will confine ourselves to two, because
Tim, gravely.                       paper is not absolutelyvalueless, whatOn this, Mr. Brown John drew  ever the trivoluminous may think.
from his pocket a diminutive flute,
with one key, and sounded his G at "When Richard appeared, how my heart
great length. He then paused, to let    With a tenderly motion, with which it
his G enter his own mind and those           was seized!
around; he then composed his fea-   To hear the young fellow's gay, innocent
tures like a preacher, and was about         chat
I could listen forever, 0 dear! I'm so
to enter on his undertaking, when            pleased!
the whole operation was suddenly,          I'm so pleased! ha! ha! ha! ha!
and remorselessly, and provokingly         I'm so pleased! ha! ha! ha! ha 
interrupted by Mr. Casenower, who,           I Imgoinp to hedmarried,-0 dear!
struck as it appeared with a sudden,       I'm a going to be married,-O dear!
irresistible idea, burst upon them  all      I'm so pleased!
with this question: -                           Chorus. I'm so pleased, &c.
"Do any of you know one Rebecca
Reid, in this part of the world 1 "  " O sweet is the smell of the new-mown hay,
Theid cn omis pany of stared. worAnd sweet are the cowslips that spring in
The company stared.                        May;
Some, to whom this question had   But sweeter's my lad than the daisied
been put by him before, giggled; oth-        lawn,
ers scratched their heads; others got   Or the hay, or the flower, or the cows at the
no further than a stricken look. A                     I m so pleased," &c.
few mustered together their wits, and
assured Mr. Casenower they had   We writers can tell " the What," but
never heard tell of " the wench."   not so very often "the how," of any" How devilish odd! " cried Case- thing. I can give Tim's bare words,
nower, "it is not such a common but it is not in my power nor any
combination of sounds, one would man's to write down the manner of
think."                             I1 Mltaestro in singing. How he dwelt
"I know Hannah Reid," squeaked on the short syllables, and abridged




CLOUDS AND  SUNSHtINE.                       203
the long, — his grave face till he came better right to dance than you have
to his laugh, - and then the enor- this sunny afternoon in clear Sepmous mouth that flew suddenly open, tember. It was you that painfully
and the jovial peal that came ringingo ploughed the stiff soil; it was you
through two rows of teeth like white that trudged up the high, incommodchess pawns, - and with  all this ing furrow, and painfully cast abroad
his quaint, indescribable, dulcet, rustic the equal seed. You that are women
twang, that made his  insignificant bowed the back, and painfully drilled
mnelody ring like church bells heard holes in the soil, anti poured in the
from the middle of a wood, and taste seed; and this month past you have
like metheglin come down to us in a all bent, and, with sweating brows,
yew-tree cask from the Druids!     cut down and housed the crops that
During the song, one Robert Mun- camne from  the seed you planted.
day and his son, rural fiddlers, who Dance! for those yellow  ricks, troby instinct nosed festivities, appeared phies of your labor, say you have a
at the gate, each with a green bag. right to; those barns, bursting with
A shriek of welcome greeted them; golden fruit, swear you have a right
they were set in a corner, with beef to.  Harvest-tide comes but once a
and ale galore, and soon the great ta- year. DVnce! sons and daughters
ble was carried in, the ground cleared, of toil.
the couples made, and  the fiddles   Exult over your work, smile with
tuning.                             the smiling year, and, in this bright
The Messrs Munday made some hour, O cease, my poor soul, to envy
preliminary flourishes, like hawks hov- the rich and great!  Believe me,
ering uncertain where to pounce, and they are never, at any hour of their
then, like the same bird, they sud- lives, so cheery as you are now. How
denly  dashed  into  "The day in can they be?  With them dancing is
June."                              tame work, an every-day business, -
Their style was rough, and bore a no rarity, no  treat.   Don't envy
family likeness to ploughing, but it them, - God is just, and deals the
was true, clean, and  spirited; the sources of content with a more equal
notes of the arpegqio danced out like hand than appears on the surface of
starry sparks in fireworks.         things.  Dance, too, without fear;
Moreover, the Messrs. Munday let no Puritan make you believe it is
played to the foot, which is precisely wrong; things are wrong  out of
what your melted-butter-violinist al- season, and right in season; to dance
ways fails to do, whether he happens in harvest is as becoming as to be
to be washing out the soul of a waltz, grave in church. The Almighty has
or of a polka, or of a reel.        put it into the hearts of insects to
They also played so as to raise the dance in the afternoon sun, and of
spirits of all who heard them, young  men and women in every age and
or old, which is an artistic effect of every land to dance round the gaththe very highest order, however at- ered crop, whether it be corn, or oil,
tained, and never is and never will or wine, or any other familiar mirbe attained by the melted-butter-vio- acle that springs up sixty-fold and
linist.                             nurtures and multiplies the life of
The fiddlers being merry, the dan- man.  More fire, fiddlers! play to
cers were merry; the dancers being the foot, — play to  the heart the
merry, the fiddlers said to themselves, sprightly "Day in June."  Ay, foot
"Aha! we have not missed fire," it freely, lads and lasses; my own
and so grew merrier still. And thus heart is warmer to think you are
the electric fire of laughter and music merry once or twice in your year of
darted to and fro. Dance, sons and labor. Dance, my poor brothers and
daughters of toil! None had ever a sisters, sons and daughters of toil!




2014                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
After several dances, Mrs. May-   In a moment several persons came
field, who had been uneasy in her round them; amongst the rest, Rob-.
mind at remaining out of the fun, ert and  Mrs. Mayfield.   Robert
could bear inaction no longer; so she loosened his neckeloth, and, looking
pounced on Robesrt Hathorn  and at the old man's face and eye, he said,
drew  him  into the magic square. gravely and tenderly: " Racihael, I
Robert danced, but in a very listless have seen the like of this before - in
way; so much so, that his mother, harvest."
who stood by, took occasion to give   "0 Master Robert, what is it? "
hitn a push and say: " Is that the    " Rachael, it is a stroke of the
way to dance  " at which poor Robert sun!"  He turned to his mother:
tried to do better, but his limbs, as " God forgive us all, the old man was
well as his face, showed how far his never fit for the work we have put
heart was from his heels.           him to."
Now, in the middle of this dance,   "Come, don't stand gaping there,"
suddenly loud  and  angry  sounds cried  Mrs. Mayfieid; "mount my
were heard  approaching, and  the mare and glllop for the doctor,voice of' old Patrick was soon dis- don't spare  her, —off  with  you!
tinguished, and the next moment he Betsy, get a bed ready in my garwas seen following  Mr. Hickman, ret."
and  hanging  on his rear, loading    "Eh, dear!" said Mrs. Hathorn,
him with invective.  Rachael was by "I doubt the poor thing's troubles
his side, endeavoring, in vain, to are over "; and she put up her apron
soothe him, and to end what to her and began to cry.
was a most terrible scene. At a ges-   "   no!" cried Rachael. " Grandture fiom Mrs. Mayfield, the fiddlers father, - don't leave  me! - don't
left off, and the rustics turned, all leave me  "
curiosity, towards the interruption.   Corporal Patrick's lips moved.
" There are bad hearts in the world,"    "I can't see ye!  I can't see
shouted Patrick to all present, - "yver- any of ye! " he said, half fietfully.
min that steal into honest houses and  " Ah! " he resumed, as if a light had
file -- them, - bad hearts, that rob the broken in on him. " Yes! " said he,
poor of that which is before life; 0  very calmly, "I think I am going";
yes, fir before life!" and, as he ut- but the next moment he cried in
tered these words, Patrick was ob- tones that made the by-standers thrill,
served to stagger.                  so  wild  and  piteous  they were:
"The old man is drunk,"  said  "My daughter! my daughter! - she
Hickman. " I don't know what he will miss me!"
means."                                Robert Hathorn fell on his knees,
Rachael colored high and cried: and took the old hand with one of
"No, Master Robert, I assure you those grasps that bring soul in conhe is not drunk, but he is not him- tact with soul; the old soldier, who
self; he has. been complaining this was at this moment past seeing or
hour past; see! look  at his eye. hearing, felt this grasp, and turned to
Good people, my grandfather is ill"; it as an unconscious plant turns to
and, indeed, as she said these words, the light.  " I can't see you," said he,
Patrick, who, from  the moment he faintly; "but, whoever you are, take
had staggered, had stared wildlv and care of my child! - she is suchl a good
confusedly  around  him, sudlenly child!"  The hands spoke to one anbowed his head and dropped upon other still; then the old soldier almost
his knees; he would have fallen on smiled, and  the anxious, frightened
his face, but Rachael's arm now held look of his face began  to  calm.
him up.                             " Thank God," he faltered, "they are
~'or defile.          going to take care of my child I " And




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                         205
almost with these words he lost all           CHAPTER  III.
sense, and lay pale, andl caln, and
motionlless at their feet, and his hand    THE poor battered soldier lay some
could grasp Robert's no more. There hours between life and death. Just
was a moment of dead silence and in- before  sunrise  Rachael, who  had
quiring looks. Robert looked into  watched him  all night, and often
his face gravely and attentively.    moistened his temples with vinegatr,
When he had so inspected him a opened the window, and, as the mornlittle while, he turned to them  all, ing air came into the room, a change
and he said, in a deep and almost a for the better was observed in the
stern voice -:                      patient, - a slight color stole into his
"Hats off! "                      pale cheeks, and he seemed to draw
They all uncovered, and stood look- a fuller breath, and his heart beat
ing like stricken deer at the old sol- more perceptibly. Rachael kneeled
dier as he lay. The red jacket had and prayed for him, and then she
nothing ridiculous now.  When it prayed  to him  not to leave  her
was new and bright it had been in alone; the sun had been up about
great battles. They asked themselves an hour, and came fiery bright into
now, Had they really sneered at this the white-washed room; for it looked
faded rag of England's glory, and as towards the east, and Corporal Patthat withered hero 3                rick's lips moved, but without uttering
"D)id n't think the old man was a a sound. Rachael prayved for him
going to leave us like that," said one again most fervently.  About nine
of these rough penitents, "or I'd o'clock his lips moved, and this time
never ha wagged my tongue again he spoke:in."                                   " - Rear rank, right wheel! -"
Mrs. Mayfield gave orders to have   The  next moment, a light shot
him carried up to hler garret, and four into his eye. His looks rested upon
stout rustics, two at his head and two Rachael: he smiled feebly, but conat his feet, took him  up the stairs, tcntedly, then closed his eyes and
and laid himn there on a decent bed. slumbered again.
When Rachael saw the clean floor,   Corporal Patrick  lived.  But it
the little carpet round the foot of the was a near thing, a very near thing,
bed, the bright walls and windows, - he was saved by one of those acciand the snowy sheets, made ready for dents we call luck, — whcn  Mrs.
her grandfather, she hid her face and Mayfield's Tom rode for the* doctor,
wept, and said but two words, — the doctor was plrovidentially out.' Too late! too late!"           HIad he been in, our tale would be
As Rachael was following  her now bidding  fisrewell to Corporal
grandfather up the stairs, she met Patrick, — for this doctor was onle of
Hiekman:  that worthy had watched the pig-sticking ones. He loved to
this sorrowful business in silence; he stab amen and womlen with a tool tihat
had tears in his eyes, and, coming to has slain far more than the sword in
her, he whispered in her ear, " Ra- modern days; it is called " the lanchael, don't fret, —I will not desert you cet."  Had ihe found a man insensinow."  On the landing, a moment ble, he would have stabbed him, poor
after, Rachael met Robert Hathorn: man! he always stabbed a fellowhe said to her, " Rachael, your grand- ci'eature when he caught it insensible:
father trusted you to me."          not very generous, was it? -now,
When Hickman said that to her, had he drawn from those old veins
Rachael turned and looked at him.   one tablespoonful of that red fluid
When Robert said that to her, which is the life of a man, the aged
she lowered her eyes away from  man would have come to his senses
him,                                 only to sink the next hour, and die for




2006                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
want of that vital stream stolen from    "Yes, I did, and I doubt I did
him by rule.                       very wrong. But it is hard for a
As it was, he breathed, and.came mother to deny her son."
back to life by slow degrees.  At   "I am much obliged to you, mothfirst his right arm  was powerless; er, but I don't remember that ever I
then he could not move the right leg; asked you."
but at last he recovered the use of his   "No! no. I don't say that you
limbs, but remained feeble, and his ever spoke your mind, Robert; but
poor head was sore confused: one mo- you looked up in my face, and showed
ment he would be quite himself; an- your wish plain enough to?y# eye;
other, his memory of recent events and you see a poor foolish body like me
would be obscured, -and then he does n't know how to say no to her
would shake his head and sigh. But boy that never vexed her. I should
nature was strong in him; and he got have been a better friend to you if I
better, - but slowly.              had turned my head away, and made
As soon as he was able to walk, believe not to see what is in your
Rachael proposed to Mrs. Mayfield heart."
to return home, but Mrs. Hathlorn    Robert paused awhile, then, in a
interposed, and requested Rachael to low, anxious voice, he whispered:
take her own servant's place for an- " Don't you like her, mother'2 "
other week, in order to let the ser-   "Yes! I like her, my poor soul.
vant visit her fiiends.  On these What is there to dislike in her? But
terms, Rachael remained, and did the I don't know her."
work of the -Hathorns' house, and it   "But I know her as well as if we
was observed that during this period had been seven years acquainted."
more color came to her cheek, and   "You talk like a child! How can
her listlessness and languor sensibly you know a girl that comes from a
diminished.                        strange part  "
She was very active and zealous in    "I'd answer for her, mother."
her work, and old Hathorn was so   " I would n't answer for any young
pleased with her, that he said one day wench of them all!  I do notice she
to Mrs. Hathorn: "I don't care if is very close; ten to one if she has
Betsy never comes back at all; this not an acquaintance of' some sort, good
one is worth a baker's dozen of her, or bad."
this Rachael."                       "A  bad acquaintance, mother!
"Betsy will serve our turn as well Never! If you had seen her through
in the long run," said Mrs. Hathorn, all the harvest-month, as I did, resomewhat dryly and thoughtfully.    spect herself and make others respect
"Betsy!" replied the former, con- her, you would see that girl never
temptuously; " there is more sense in could have made a trip in her life."
this Rachael's forefinger than in that   " Now, Robert, what makes you so
wench's whole carcass."            sad, like, if you have no misgivings
It was about two days after this about her?"
that the following conversation took   "Because, mother, I don't think
place between Robert Hathorn and she likes me so well as I do her."
his mother: -                        "All the better," said Mrs. Ha"Is it true, what I hear, that Mr. thorn, dryly; "make up your mind
Patrick  talks  about going  next to that."
week? "                             " Do not say so! do not say so!"
"Have not they been here long said Robert, piteously.
enough, Robert? I wish they may   " Well, Robert, she does not hate
not have been here too long."      you, you may be sure of that. Why
~ "Why too long, when you asked is she in such a hurry to go away  "
them to stay yourself, mother?      "Because she has some one in her




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                      207
own country she likes better than piness, suppose it was my duty to say
me.".                   no; but your father is not such a fool
"Ay! that is the way you boys as I am, and I am  main doubtful
read women.  More likely she is whether he will ever consent. I wish
afraid of liking you too well, and you could think better df it."
making mischief in a family."        " I will try him, mother, no later
"0 mother, do you think it is than to-day. Why, here he comes.
that?"                            0, there is Mr. Casenower with him;
" There, I am a fool to tell you that is unlucky. You get him away,
such things."                     mother, and I'll open my mind to
"0 no, no, no!  There is no father."
friend like a mother."               Old Hathorn came past the win" There is no fool like a mother, dow, and entered the room  where
that is my belief."               Robert and Mrs. Hathorn were. The
" No, no! Give me some comfort, farmer stumped in, and sat down with
mother; tell me you see some signs some appearance of fatigue.  Mr.
of liking in her."                Casenower sat down opposite him.
"c Well, then, when she is quite   That gentleman had in his hand a
sure you are not looking her way, I cabbage.  He was proving to the
can see her eye dwell upon you as if farmer that this plant is more nutriit was at home."                  tious than the potato. The theory was
"O, how  happy you make me! German in the first instance. " There
But, mother, how  you must have are but three nourishing principles in
watched her!"                     all food," argued Mr. Casenower,
" Of course I watched her, and you " and of those, what we call'fibrine'
too; I have seen a long while how  is the most effective. Now, see, I
matters were going."               put my nail to this stalk, and it
"But you never spoke to Rose, or readily reduces itself to a bundle of
my father? "                      little fibres; see, those are pure fi"If I had, she would have been brine, and, taken into the stomach,
turned out of the house, and a good make the man muscular. Can anyjob too; but you would have fretted, thing be clearer  "
you know"; and Mrs. Hathorn sighed.   Mr. Hathorn,  who had shown
"Mother, I must kiss you. I shall symptoms of impatience, replied to
have courage to speak to father about this effect: "That he knew by perit now."                           sonal experience that cabbage turns
" Take a thought, Robert.  His to nothing but hot water in a man's
heart is set upon your marrying your belly."
cousin. It would be a bitter pill to   " There are words to come out of a
the poor old man, and his temper is man's mouth! " objected Mrs. Havery hasty. For Heaven's sake take thorn.
a thought. I don't know what to do,   "Better than cabbage going into
I am sure."                       it," grunted the farmer.
" I must do it soon or late," said   "Ah, you know nothing of chemisRobert, resolutely. " No time so good try, my good friend."
as now. Father is hasty, and he will   "Well, sir, you say there is a deal
be angry, no doubt; but after a while of heart in a cabbage?"
he will give in, I don't ask him fa-   "I do."
vors every day.  Do you consent,   "Then I tell you what I'll do with
mother?"                          you, sir. There is some fool has
" 0 Robert, what is the use asking been and planted half an acre of cabme whether I consent? I have only bages in my barley-field — "
one son, and he is a good one. I am    " It was not a fool," put in Mrs.
afraid I could not say no to your hap- Hathorn, sharply, " it was mae."




208                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
"It was not a fool, you see, sir; it   " Whyl, sir," said Robert, "it is
was a woman," responded Hathorn, like looking for one poppy in a field
mi hty drclyly. " Well, sir, you train of standing wheat."
on the Dame's cabbages for a month,   "INo, no! When you go to marand all that time I'll eat nothing ket, ask all the farmers from different
stronger than beef and bacon, and at parishes whether they know her."
the end of the month I'll fight you   "Haw, haw, haw! " "went Hathorn,
for a pot of beer, if you are so mind- senior.  "Yes, do, Robert.  Ho,
ed."                               ho!"
" This is the way we reason in the   "Have you any idea what he is
country, eh, Mr. Robert?"         laughing at?" said Mr. Casenower,
"Yes, sir, it would serve father dryly.
right if you took him up, sir, with his   "Father thinks you will make me
game leg; but I don't hold with cab- the laughing-stock of the market,
bages for all that; a turnip is watery sir," said Robert, with a faint smile;
enough, but a cabbage and a sponge " but never mind him, sir, I shall try
are pretty much one, it seems to me." and oblige you,"
"Mr. Casenower," put in Mrs. Ha-   "You are a good fellow, Robert.
thorn, "did n't you promise to show  I must go back to Mrs. Hathorn";
me a pansy in your garden, that is to and off he bustled again.
win the next prize at Wallingford? "   " Father," began Robert; but be" I did, ma'am, but you should not fore he could open his subject, voices
call it'Pansy';' Heart's-ease' is bad were heard outside, and Mrs. Mayenough, without going back to' Pan- field came in, followed by Richard
sy.'  Viola tricolor is the name of the Hickman.
flower, - the scientific name."      " Tic! tic! tic!" said poor Robert,
"No," said old Hathorn, stoutly.   peevishly, for he foresaw endless in" No!  What do you mean by terruptions.
no  "                                 Mr. Hickman had been for some
" What are names for    To re- minutes past employed in the agreemember things by; then the scientif- able occupation of bringing Mrs. Mayickest. name must be the one that it field to the point; but, for various
is easiest to remember. Now, pansy reasons, Mrs. Mayfield did not want
is a deal easier to remember than to be brought to the point that fore-'vile tricolor.'"                  noon.  One of those reasons was,
"I am at your service, Mrs. Ha- that, although she liked HIickman
thorn; come along, for Heaven's well enough to marry him, she liked
sake"; and off bustled Mr. Case- somebody else better, and she was
noewer towards the garden with Mrs. not yet sure as to this person's inHathorn.                           tentions.  She wanted, therefore, to
"Father," said Robert, after an be certain she could not have Paul,
uneasy pause, "I have something to before she committed herself to Peter.
say to you, very particular."      Now, certain ladies, when they do
" Have you, though? well, out not want to be brought to the point,
with it, my lad!"                 have ways of avoiding it that a man
" Father!-"                     would hardly hit upon.   One of
At this moment, in bustled Mr. them  is, to be constantly  moving
Casenower again. "0 Mr. Robert, about; for, they argue, " if he can't
I forgot something. Let me tell you, pin my body to any spot, he can't pin
now I thinlk of it. I want you to my soul, for my soul is contained in
find out this Rebecca Reid for me. my body" ~ and there is a certain vulShe lives somewhere near, within a gar philosophy in this. Another is,
few miles. I don't exactly know how  to be absorbed in some small matmany.'Can't you find her out i"    ter, that just then they cannot do




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       209
justice to the larger question, and so woman is one of those that have a
modestly postpone it.              wish, it is dangerous to drive her to
"Will I be yours till death us do the point.
parts  now, how can I tell you just   " Well, Mrs. Mayfield," said he,
now? such a question demands at quietly but firmly, " I am courting
least some attention; and look at you this six months, and now I
this hole in my lace collar, which I should be glad to have my answer.
am  mending; if I don't give my.' Yes,' or'no,' if you please."
whole soul to it, how can I mend it   Mrs. Mayfield sidled towards the
properly? "                       window; it commanded the farmMr. Hickman had no sooner shown yard.  Robert and his father were
Mrs. Mayfield that lie wanted to walking slowly up and down by the
bring her to the point, than he found side of the farml-yard pond.  Mrs.
himself in for some hard work; twice Mayfield watched them intently, then,
he had to cross the farm-yard with half turning towards Hickman, she
her; he had to take up a sickly chick- said slowly: "Why, as to that, Mr.
en and pronounce upon its ailment. Hickman, you have certainly come
I-Ie had to get some milk in a pail after me awhile, and I'll not deny I
and give one of her calves a drink. find you very good company; but I
iHe had to bring one cow fiom pad- have been married once and made a
dock to stall, and another from  stall great mistake, as you have heard, I
to paddock.  Heaven knew  why; dare say; so now I am obliged to be
and when all this and much more was cautious."
done, the lady caught sight of our   "What, are you afraid of my temfriends in the Hathorns' kitchen, and, per, Rose?  I am  not reckoned a
crying briskly, "Come this way," bad-tempered one, any more than
led Mr. Hickman into company where yourself."
she knew he could not press the in-   "0 no! I have no fault to find
opportune topic.                   with you, —only we have not been
" Curse her! " muttered the enam- acquainted so very long."
ored one, as he followed her into    "That is a fault will mend every
the Hathorns' kitchen.             day."
After the usual greetings, the farm-   " Of course it will; well, when you
er, observing Robert's impatience, said are settled on Bix, we shall see you
to Hickman: " If you will excuse mostly every day, and then we shall
me for a minute, farmer, Robert know one another better; for, if you
wants to speak to me; we are going have no faults, I have; and then you
towards the barn."  He then beck- will know better what sort of a baroned Mrs. Mayfield, and whispered gainl you are making: and then -
in her ear: "Don't let this one set we will see about it."
you against my Robert, that is worth   "Better tell the truth," said the
a hundred of him."                 all-observant Hickman.
Mirs. Mayfield whispered in return:   " The truth! "
" A'nd don't let your Robert shilly-   "Ay, that the old -man wants you
shally so, because this one does not to marry Bob Hathorn. 0, I am
- you understand -"                down upon him this many a day."
"All right," replied  Hathorn;    "Robert Hathorn is nothing to
"ten to one if it is not you he wants me," replied the Mayfield; "but, since
to speak to me about."             you put him in my head, I confess I
Hathorn and his son then saun- might do worse."
tered into the farm-yard, and Hick-   "How could you do worse than
man gained what he had been trying marry a lad who has nothing but his
for so long, a quiet tete-is-tgte with two arms?"
MIrs. Mayfield; for all that, if a   Mrs. Mayfield, looking slylythrough
>I




210                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
the window, observed Robert and his I knew, and I see more than you tell
father to be in earnest conversation; me. You have led that girl astray,
this somewhat colored her answer. and deserted her likely, you little
She replied quickly, " Better poor and scamp!" (Hickmanwasfive foot ten.)
honest, than half rich and three parts   "Nonsense! "  put in Hickman.
of a rogue!"                      " That Rachael shall never come be"Is that for me, if you please? " tween you and me; but I'll tell you
said Hickman, calmly but firmly.   who the girl stands between: you and
" No! I don't say it is," replied the your Robert, that the farmer wants to
lady, fearful she had gone too far; put in the traces with you against his
"but still I wonder at your choosing will."
this time for pressing me."          "You are a liar! " cried Rose
"Why not this time, as well as Mayfield, coloring to her temples.
another, pray?" and Hickman eyed   Hickman answered coolly: " Thank
her intently, though secretly.     you for the compliment, Rose. No,
" Why not!" said she, and she it is the truth. You see, when aman is
paused; for the dialogue between Ha- wrapped up in a woman, as I am in
thorn and his son was now so ani- you, he finds out everything that conmated, that the father's tones reached cerns her; and your boy, Tom, tells
even to her ear.                   me that Robert is as fond of her as a
"Ay! why not  " repeated Hick- cow of a calf."
man.                                  " He fond of that Rachael? No!"
The lady turned on him, and, with    " Why, Rachael is a well-looking
a sudden change of manner, said very lass, if you go to that."
sharply, "Ask your own conscience."   "And so she is," pondered Mrs.
" I don't know what you mean! "   Mayfield; and in a moment many lit"I'11 tell you. This old Patrick tle circumstances in Robert's conduct
was miscalling you, when he fell ill. became clear by.this new light HickThey say it was a stroke of the sun, man had given her. She struggled,
— maybe it was: but I should say and recovered her outward composure.
passion had something to do with it " Well," said she, stoutly, " what is it
too; the old man said words to you to me  "
that none of the others noticed, but I   "Why, not much, I hope. Give
did. I-e said as much as that you me your hand, Rose; I don't fancy
bad robbed some one of what is before any girl but you. And name the day,
life in this world."               if you will be so good."
"Ay, and what is before life; I won-   "No, no!" said Rose Mayfield,
der? " said the satirical I-IHickman.    nearly crying with vexation.  "I
" Why, nothing," replied the frank won't marry any of you, - a set of
Mrs. Mayfield, "if you go to that; rogues and blockheads. And, if it is
but it is a common saying that a true, I don't thank you fortellingme.'good name is before life,' and that is You are a sly, spiteful dog, and I
what the old man meant."           don't care how often you ride past my
" I wonder you should take any no- house without hooking bridle to the
tice of what that old man says, and gate, Dick Hickman."
above all his daughter."             Hickman bit his lips, but he kept
"His daughter, Mr. Hickman! his temper. " What! all this because
Why, I never mentioned his daugh- Bob Hathorn's taste is not so good as
ter, for my part. You have been and mine! Ought I to suffer for his folput your own bricks on my founda- ly? "
tion."                               " 0, it is not for that, don't think
Hickman looked confused.         it! But I don't want a lover that
"You are a fool, Richard Hick- has ruined other women; it is not
man l You have told me more than lucky, to say the least."




CLOUDS AND SUNSHIiE.                       211
"What, all this, because a girl life, or else having her spite out, and
jumped into my arms one day? Why, spilling my milk for me here."
I am not so hard upon you. I hear   It was a fixed notion in this man's
tales about you, you know, but I only mind that Rachael would do all she
laugh, - even about Frank Fairfield could to ruin his suit with Mrs. Mayand you."  (Mrs. Mayfield gave a lit- field, and when he got the " sack," or,
tie start.)  "Neither you nor I are an- as he vulgarly called it, " the bag,"
gels, you know. Why should we be he attributed it, in spite of Rose Mayhard on one another?  field's denial, to some secret revelaMrs. Mayfield, red as fire, inter- tion on Rachael's part, and a furious
rupted him. " My faults, if I have impulse to be. revenged on her took
any, have hurt nme only; but yours possession of him.
never hurt you, and ruined others;   Now this bad impulse, unlike his
and you say no more about me than good one, had no time to cool. As
you know, or you will get a slap in he went towards the stable, the Devil
the mouth, and there's my door; you would have it he should meet Robert
take it at a word, and I'11 excuse any IHathorn. At sight of him our worthy
further visits from  you, Mr. Hick- acted upon his impulse. Robert, who
man."                              was coming hastily from his father,
These words, with a finger pointing with his brow knit and his counteto the door, and a flashing eye, left nance flushed, would have passed
nothing for Hickman but to retire, IIickman with the usual greeting,
which he did, boiling with indig'nation,  but Hickman would not let him off so
mortification, and revenge. "This is easily.
all along of Rachael. She has blown    "What, so you have got my old
me," muttered he, between his teeth. lass here still, Master Robert? "
"I have got the bag; you sha' n't gain    "Your old lass! Not that I know
anything by it, Rachael l"         of."
It will be remembered that when    "Rachael Wrigrht, you know."
Patrick lay dying or dead, as he sup-   " Rachael Wright your lass!"
posed, this Hickman had a good im-   "Ay! and a very nice lass too, till
pulse, and told Raehael he would we fell out. She gave me a broad
never desert her: in this he was per- hint just now, but I am for higher
fectly sincere at the moment. People game. You could not lend me a spur,
utterly destitute of principle abound could you, Mr. Robert? Mine is
in impulses. They have good im- broken."
pulses, which generally come to noth-   "No."
ing or next to nothing; and bad   "Never mind; good  morning!
impulses, which they put in prac- good morning!"
tice.                                Hickman's looks and contemptuous
Mr. Hickman had time to think tones had eked out the few words
over his good impulse, and, according- with which he had stabbed Robert,
ly, he thought better of it, and found and, together with the libertine charthat Rose Mayfield was too great a acter of the man, had effectually
prize to resign. He therefore kept blackened Rachael in Robert's eyes.
out of the way more than a week (a   This done, away went the poisoner,
suspicious circumstance, which Mrs. and chuckled as he went.
Mayfield did not fail to couple with   Robert Hathorn stood pale as death,
old Patrick's words), and his pity for looking after him.  To this stupefacRachael evaporated in all that time. tion succeeded a feeling of sickness,
" What the worse is she for me now? and a sense of despair, and Robert sat
Hang her, I offered her money, and down upon the shaft of an empty
what not; but I suppose nothing will cart, and gazed with stony eye upon
serve her turn but hooking me for the ground at his feet. His feelings




212                   CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
were  inexpressibly  bitter.  Where me happier than I have been any
was he to hope to find a woman he time this twenty years!"
could respect, if this paragon was a   " I am glad of it," gasped Robert.
girl of loose conductl? Then came re- " I'll look to this, if you have anymorse: for this Rachael he had this thing else to do."  He wanted to be
moment all but quarrelled with his alone.
father, - their first serious misunder-   " Thank you, Bob; I want to go
standino. After a fierce struggle into the village; keep up your heart,
with himself, he forced himself to see my lad. She is the best-looking wothat she must be wrenched out of his man I know, with the best heart
heart. He rose, pale but stern, after I ever met, and I am older than you,
a silent agony that lasted a full hour, and you see the worst of her the first
though to him it seemed but a minute, day; her good part you are never at
and went and looked after his father. the bottom of; it is just the contrary
He-I found him in the barn watching with the sly ones. There, there! I'11
the threshers, but like one who did say no more. Good by." And away
not see what he was looking at. His went the old farmer, radiant.
countenance was fallen and sad; the   "Be happy," sobbed Robert; "I
great and long-cherished wish of his am glad there is one happy."  And
heart had been shaken, and by his he sat down cold as a stone in his fason; and then he had given that son ther's place. After a while he rose
bitter and angry words, and threatened and walked listlessly about, till at last
him; and that son had answered re- his feet took him through habit into
spectfully, but firmly as iron, and the his father's kitchen; on entering it,
old man's heart began to sink.     his whole frame took a sudden thrill,
He looked up, and there was Rob- for he found Rachael there tying up
ert, pale and stern, looking steadfast- her bundle for a journey.   She had
ly at him, with an expression he heard  his step, and her head was
quite misunderstood.  Old Hathorn  turned away firom  the door; but near
lifted his head, and said sharply and her was a small round old-fashioned
bitterly to his son: " Well? "   mirror, and, glancing into this, Rob"' Father," said Robert, in a lan- ert saw that tears were stealing down
guid voice, " I am come to ask your her face.
pardon."                                         -
Farmer Hathorn looked astonished.
Robert went on.                             CHAPTER  IV.
" I'll marry any woman you like,
father,- they are all one to me now."   OLD 1Hathorn paced down the vil" Why, what is the matter, Bob? lage, with his oak stick, a happy man;
that is too much the other way."   but for all that he was a little mysti"And if I said anything to vex fled. But two hours ago Robert had
you, forgive  me, father, if you told him he loved Rachael, and had
please."                           asked his leave to marry her, and in an"No! no! no!" cried old Hathorn, swer to his angry, or, to speak more
"no more about it., Bob; there was correctly, his violent refusal, had told
no one to blame but my hasty temper, him his heart was bound up in her,
— no more about it. Why, if the and he would rather die than marry
poor chap has n't taken it quite to any other woman. WVhat could have
heart, has n't a morsel of color left in worked such a sudden change in the
his cheek! "                       young man's mind? " Maybe I shall
"Never mind my looks," gasped find out," was his conclu(in- refiecRobert.                            tion; and he was ri;ht; he did find
"And don't you mind my words out, and the information came fromn
either, then. Robert, you have made a most unexpected quarter. As he




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       213
passed the village public-house he was "the sack," or, as that coarse young
hailed from the parlor window; he man called it," the bag," she was in
looked up, and at it was Farmer Hick- a towering passion; and, not being
man, mug in hand. Now, to tell the an angel, but a female with decided
truth, Hathorn was not averse to ale, virtues and abominable faults, she
especially at another man's expense, was just now in anything but a Chrisand, thought he, "F armer is getting tian temper, and woe to all who met
beery, looks pretty red in the face; her.
however, I'11 see if I can't pump some-   The first adventurer was Mr. Casething out of him and Rose."  So he neower: he saw her at a distance, for
joined Hickman; and in about half she had come out of the house, in
an hour he also was redder in the face which she found she could hardly
than at first.                     breathe, and came towards her with
If the wit is out when the wine is a face all wreathed in smiles. Mr.
in, what must it be when the beer is in? Casenower had of late made many
Old Hathorn and Hickman were tenders of his affection to her, which
much freer over their glass than they she had parried, by positively refushad ever been before, and Hathorn ing to see anything more than a jest
pumped Hickman; but inasmuch as in them; but Casenower, who was
Hickman desired to be pumped, and perfectly good-humored  and lightwas rather cunninger half drunk than hearted, had taken no offence at this,
sober, the old farmer drew out of him  nor would he consider this sort of
nothing about Rose, but he elicited thing a refusal; in short, he told her
an artful and villanous mixture of plainly that it gave him great pleasure
truth and falsehood about Rachael to afford her merriment, even at his
Wright; it was not a vague sketch  own expense; only he should not
like that with which he had destroyed leave off hoping until she took his
Robert's happiness; it was a long, proposal into serious consideration;
circumstantial history, full of discol- that done, and his fate seriously proored truths and equivokes, and embel- nounced, he told her she should find
lished with one or two good honest he was too much of a gentleman not
lies; but of these there were not many; to respect a lady's will; only, when
poor Richard could not be honest the final "No" was pronounced, he
even in dealing with the Devil, —a  should leave the farm, since he could
great error, since that personage is not remain in it and see its brightest
not to be cheated; honesty is your attraction given to another. Here he
only card in any little transaction with  caught her on the side of her goodhim.  The symposium  broke up. nature, and she replied, "~Well, I am
Hickman's horse was led round, he not anybody's yet."  She said to hermotinted, bade Hathorn good day, self; " The poor soul seems happy
and went of.  In passing the farm  here, with his garden, and his farm
his red face turned black, and he of two acres, and his nonsense, and
shook his fist at it, and said, " Fight why drive the silly goose away before
it out now amongst ye."  And the the time? " so she suspended the final
poisoner cantered away.            "No," and he continued to offer adIn leading Robert Hathorn and miration, and she to laugh at it.
others so far, we have shot ahead of   It must be owned, moreover, that
some little matters which must not she began at times to have a sort of
be left behind, since without them the humorous terror of this man.  A
general posture which things had woman knows by experience that it is
reached when Robert found Rachael the fate of a woman not to do what
tying up her bundle could hardly be she would like, and to do just what
understood.                        she would rather not, and often,
When Mrs. Mayfield gave Hickman though apparently free, to be fettered




214                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
by sundry cobwebs, and driven into ing the pink out of his hand and saysome unwelcome corner by divers ing, " That'is how I accept the pair."
whips of gossamer. One day Mes-   Mr. Casenower colored very high,
dames Hathorn and Mayfield had and the water came into his eyes; but
looked out of the parlor window into Mrs. Mayfield turned her back on him,
the garden, and there they saw Mr. and flounced into her own  house.
Casenower, running wildly among the When there, she felt she had been
beds, with his hat in his hand.    harsh, and looking out of the window
" What is up now?" said Mrs. she saw poor Casenower standing deMayfield, scornfully.              jected on the spot where she had left
" I dare say it is a butterfly," was him! she saw him stoop and pick up
the answer; "he collects them."    the pink; he eyed it sorrowfully,
"What a fool he is, Jane."       placed it in his bosom, and  then
"He is a good soul for all that."    moved droopingly away.
" Fools mostly are, Jane!" said   " What a brute I am! " was the
Mrs. Mayfield, very solemnly.      Mayfield's first reflection. "I hate
" Yes, Rose!"                   you!" was the second.
"Look at that man; look at him    So then, being discontented with
well, if you please. Of all the men herself, she accumulated bitterness,
that pester me, that is the one that is and in this mood flounced into the garthe most ridiculous in my eye.  Ha! den, for she saw Mrs. Hathorn there.
ha! the butterfly has got safe over the When she reached her, she found that
wall, I'm so glad!- Jane!"       her cousin was looking at Raehael,
" Well!"                        who was cutting spinach for dinner;
" You mark my words, - I sha' n't while the old corporal, seated at some
have the butterfly's luck."        little distance, watched his grand" What do you mean l"            daughter; and as he watched her his
"That man is to be my husband! -  dim eye lighted every now and then
that is all."                      with affection and intelligence.
"'La, Rose, how can you talk so!   Mrs. Mayfield did not look at the
you know he is the last man you picture; all she saw was Rachael;
will ever take."                   and after a few trivial words she said
" Of course he is, and so he will take to Mrs. Hathorn in an undertone, but
me; I feel he will; Ican't bear the sight loud enough to be heard by Rachael:
of him, sd he is sure to be the man. " Are these two going to live with us
You will see! you will see!" and, altogether? "
casting on her cousin a look that was   Mrs. Hathorn did not answer; she
a marvellous compound of fun and colored and cast a deprecating look at
bitterness, she left the room brusquely, her cousin: Rachael rose from her
with one savage glance flung over her knees, and said to Patrick in an unshoulder into the garden.          dertone, the exact counterpart of Mrs.
I do not say that such misgivings Mayfield's: " Grandfather, we liave
were frequent; this was once in a been here long enough, come"; and
way; still it was characteristic, and she led him into the house.
the reader is entitled to it.        There is a dignity in silent, unobMr. Casenower then came to Mrs. trusive sorrow, and some such dignity
Mayfield, and presented her a clove- seemed to belong to this village girl,
pink from his garlden; he took off his Rachael, and to wait upon all she said
hat with a flourish, and said, with an or did; and this seemed to put everyinnocent, but somewhat silly playful- body in the' wrong who did or said
ness, "Accept this, fair lady, in token anything against her. When she led
that some day you will accept the off her grandfather with those few
grower."                           firm, sad words, in the utterance of
The gracious lady replied by knock- which she betrayed no particle of




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                         2 15
anger or pique, Mrs. Hathorn cast a we will soon bring the ninny to his
glance of timid reproach at her cousin, senses."
and she herself turned paler directly  "I back you to force your son my
but she replied to Mrs. Hathorn's look way!" cried Rose, in a fury; "what
only by a disdainful toss of the head; do I care for your son or you either,
and, not choosing to talk upon the sub- you  old fool! let him  marry his
ject, she flounced in again anl shut Rachael! the donkey will find whethherself up in her own parlor; there er your mock-modest ones are betshe walked up and down like a little ter or worse than the frank. ones,
hyena. Presently she caught sight of ha! ha!"
the old farmer, standing like a statue,   "Rose," cried the farmer, illuminear the very place where Robert had nated with sudden hope; " if you know
left him  after announcing his love anything against her, you tell me,
for Rachael, and his determination to  and I'11 tell Robert."
marry no other woman. At sight of   "No! " said she, throwing up her
the farmer, an idea struck Mrs. May- nose into the air in a manner pretty
field: " That Hickman is a liar, after to behold, "I am no scandal-monger,
all; don't let me be too hasty in be- - it is your affair, not mine; let him
lieving all this about Robert and that marry his Rachael, ha! ha! oh!"
girl. I'll draw the farmer."       and off she went, laughing with mal"I'll draw the farmer!" My refined ice and choking with vexation.
reader is looking to me to explain the    There now remained to insult only
lady's phraseology.  That which in Robert and Mrs. Hathorn. But the
country parlance is called "dralwing" virago was afraid to scold Mrs. Hais also an art, O pencil! —men that thorn, who she knew  would burst
have lived thirty or forty years, and out crying at the first hard word, and
done business in this wicked world, then she would have to beg the poor
learn to practise it at odd times. ]Wo- soul's pardon: and Robert she could
men haive not to wait fQr that; it is not find just then. Poor fellow! at
born with most of them an instinct, this very moment he was writhing
not an art. It works thus; you sus- under Hickman's insinuations, and
pect something, but you don't know: tearing his own heart to pieces in his
you catch some one who does know, efforts to tear Rachael from it.
and you talk to him as if you knew all   So the Mayfield ran up stairs to
about it. Then, if he is not quite on her own bedroom and locked herself
his guard, he lets out what you want- in, for she did not want sense, and
ed to linow.                        she began to see and feel that she was
Mrs. Mayfield'walked up to Ha- hardly safe to'be about.
thorn with a great appearance of   Meantime Rachael had come to
unpremeditated wrath, and said to take leave of Mrs. Hathorn; that
him: "A  fine fool you have been good lady remonstrated, but feebly;
making of me, pretending your Rob- she felt that there would never be
ert looked my way, when he is over peace now till the poor girl was gone;
head and ears in love with that Ra- but she insisted upon one thing; the
chael!"                            old man in his weak state should not
"' 0," cried the farmer, " what, the go on foot.
fool has been and told you too! "     " You are free to go or stay for me,
"So it is true, then  " cried the Rachael," said she, "but, if you go,
Mayfield, sharply.                  I will not have any harm come to the
Machiavel No. 2 saw his mistake poor old man within ten miles of
too late, and tried  to hark  back. this door."' No! he is not over head and ears;   So, to get away, Rachael consented
it is all nonsense and folly; it will to take a horse and cart of the farm-?ass; you set your back to mine, and er's, and this is how it came about




216                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
that Robert found Rachael tying up We are very grateful, and wish we
her bundle of clothes.  Her tears could make a return; but that is not
fell upon her little bundle as she tied in our power. But grandfather is an
it.                               old man near his grave, and he shall
pray for you by name every night,
atd so will I; so then, as we are very
CHAPTER  V.              poor and have no hopes but from
Heaven, it is to be thought the A1ROBERT HATHORN had found in mighty will hear us and bless you
Hickman's insinuation a natural so- sleeping and waking'for being so good
lution of all that had puzzled him  to the unfortunate."
in Rachael. She was the deserted   Robert hid his face in his hands a
mistress of a man whom  she still moment; this was the first time she
loved, - acting on this he had apol- had ever spoken to him so warmly
ogized to his father, had placed his and so sweetly, and at what a moment
future fate with heart-sick indifference of dark suspicion did these words
in that father's hands, and had de- come to him! Robert recovered himspaired of the female sex, and re- self, and said to Rachael, "Are you
signed all hope of heart-happiness in sure that is the real cause of your
this world. But all this time Rachael leaving us so sudden  "
had been out of sight. She stood   Rachael looked perplexed.  "Innow before him  in person, and the deed, I think so, Mr. Robert. At
sight of her, beautiful, retiring, sub- least I should not have gone this very
missive, sorrowful, smote his heart day but for that."
and bewildered his mind.'Looking    "Ah! but you know very well you
at her, he could not see the possibility had made up your mind to go before
of this creature having ever been that "
Hickman's mistress. He accused him-   "Of course, I looked to go, some
self of having been too hasty; he day; we don't belong here, grandfawould have given worlds to recall the ther and I."
words that had made his father so   " That is not it, either.  Rachacl,
happy, and was even on the point of there is an ill report sprung up about
leaving the kitchen to do so; but on you."
second thoughts he determined to   " What is that, sir 2 " said Rachael,
try and learn from  Rachael herself with apparent coldness.
whether there was any truth in Hick-   " What is it?  How can. I look in
man's scandal, and, if there was, to your face and say anything to wound
think of her no more.              you? "
" What are you doing, Rachael?"   " Thank vou, Mr. Robert.  I am
"I am tying up my things to go, glad there is one that is inclined to
Master Robert."                    show me some respect."
" To go."                        " Do something for me in return,
"Yes! we have been a burden to dear Rachael; tell me your story,
your mother some time; still, as I and I'll believe your way of telling
did the work of the house, I thought it, and not another's-; but, if you will
my grandfather would not be so very tell me nothing, what can I do but
much in the way; but I got a plain believe the worst, impossible as it
hint from Mrs. Mayfield just now."   seems? Why are you so sorrowful i
"Confound her! "               Why are you so cold, like  "
"No, sir! we are not to forget   "I have nothing to tell you, MIr.
months of kindness for a moment of Robert; if any one has maligned nc,
ill-humor. So I am going, Mr. Rob- may Heaven forgive them; if you beert, and now I have only to thank lieve them, forget me. I am going
you for all your kindness and civility. away. Out of sight, out of mind."




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       217
"What! can a girl like you, that   Rachael did not answer, at least in
has won all our respects, go away words; she wept silently.
and leave scandal behind her?  No!   Robert looked at her despairingly.
stay and face it out, and let us put it At last he repeated his proposal aldown forever."                     most fiercely: "I ask you, Rachael,
" Why should I trouble myself to will you be my wife "
do that, sir? "                      As he repeated this question, who
"Because, if you do not, those who should stand in the doorway but Mrs.
love you can love you no more."    MIayfield. She was transfixed, petriRachael sighed, but she wrapped fled, at these words of Robert; but,
herself in her coldness, and replied, being a proud woman, her impulse
"But I want no one to love me."    was to withdraw instantly, and hear
" You don't choose that any one no more. Ere she was out of hearshould ever marry you, then? "    ing, however, Rachael replied.
" No, Mr. Robert, I do not."       " Forgive me, Mr. Robert! I must
" You would not answer Richard refuse you! "
Hickman so! "                       " You refuse to be my wife! "
"Richard Hickman!" said Ra-   " I do, sir! " but still she wept.
chael, turning pale.                 Mrs. Mayfield, as she retreated,
When  sh3 turned pale, Robert heard the words, but did not see the
turned sick.                       tears.  Robert saw the tears, but
"He says as much as that you could not understand them. He gave
could not say'No' to him."        a hasty, despairing gesture, to show
" Richard Hickman speaks of me Rachael that he had no more to say to
to you!" cried Rachael, opening her her, and then he flung himself into a
eyes wildly.  Then in a moment she chair, and laid his brow on the table.
was ice again.  "Well, I do not Rachael glided softly away. At the
speak of him! "                   door she looked back on Robert, with
" Rachael," cried Robert, "what is her eyes thick with tears. She had
all this?   For Heaven's sake, be hardly been gone a minute when Rose
frank with me. Don't make me tear Mayfield returned, and came in and
the words out of you so; give me sat gently down opposite Robert, and
something to believe, or something to watched him intently, with a counteforgive. I should believe anything nance in which the most opposite feelyou told me: I am afraid I should ings might be seen struggling for the
forgive anything you had done."    mastery.'I do not ask you to do either,
sir."
" She will drive me mad! " cried         CHAPTER VI.
Robert, frantically.  "Rachael, hear
me. I love you more than a woman   ROBERT lifted his head, and saw
was ever loved before! You talk of Mrs. Mayfield. He spoke to her sulbeing grateful to me. I don't know  lenly. "So you turn away our serwhy you should, but you say so. If vants?"
you are, be generous, be merciful! I   "Not I," replied Mrs. Mayfield,
leave it to you. Be my wife! and sharply.
-hen, perhaps, you will not lock your   " It is not we that send away Raleart and your story from your hus- chael, it is you."
)and. I cannot believe ill of you.   "I tell you no; do you believe that
You may have been maligned, or you girl before me 2 "
nay have been deceived, but you can-   "You affronted her. What had
lot be guilty.  There!" cried he, she done to you? "
tildly, "no word but one!  Will   "Ionly just asked her how long'ou be my wife, Rachael?"        she meant to stay here, or something
10




218                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE~
like that. Hang me if I remember   "Go they shall! " said the old corwhat I said to her! They are a bad poral, with a mystified look.
breed, all these girls; haughty and   The farmer spoke with a firmness
spiteful; you can't say a word but and severity, and even with a certain
they snap your head off:' Mrs. May- dignity; and all felt he was not in a
field said no more, for at that moment mood to be trifled with.
Rachael came into the room with her   Robert answered humbly  "Fagrandfather and Mrs. Hathorn, who ther, you are master here, — no one
appeared to be smoothing matters gainsays you; but you are a just
down.                              man. If you were to be cruel to the
"(No, Daddy Patrick," said she, in poor and honest, you would be sorry 
answer to some observation of the old for it all your days."
man's, "nobody sends you away;   Before the farmer could answer,
you leave us good friends, and you Rose Mayfield put in hastily: "There,
are going to drink a cup of ale with bid them  stay, -you see your son
us before you go."                 holds to the girl, and you will have
A tray was then brought in and a to marry them one day or other, and
jug of ale, and Patrick drank his mug  so best, - that will put an end to all
of ale slowly; but Rachael put hers to  the nonsense they talk about the boy
her lips and set it down again.    and me. I dare say Robert is fool
Then Robert went and sat on the enough to think I wanted him for
window-seat, and there he saw them  myself."
bringing round the wagon to carry    "I, Mrs. Mayfield? never. What
away Rachael and her grandfather. makes you fancy that? "
His heart turned dead-sick within    "And," cried Mrs. Mayfield, as if
him. He looked round for help, and  a sudden light broke in upon her,
looking round he saw Mrs. Mayfield "what are we all doing here? we
bending on him a look in which he can't help folks' hearts. Robert loves
seemed to read some compassion, her.  Are we to persecute Robert,
blended with a good deal of pique. an innocent lad, that never offended
In his despair he appealed to her: one of us, and has been a good son
"There, they are really going; is it to you, and a good friend and brother
fair to send away like that folk that to me ever since we could walk? I
have behaved so well, and were mind- think the Devil must have got into
ed to go of themselves only mother my heart; but I shall turn him out,
asked them to stay? See how that whether he likes or no. I say he shall
makes us look; and you that were al- have the girl, old man; and, more
ways so kind-hearted, Mrs. Mayfield. than  that, I have got a thousand
Rose, dear Rose! "                 pounds loose in Wallingford Bank;
Mrs. Mayfield did not answer Rob- they shall have it to stock a farm;
ert, whose appeal was made to her in it is little enough to give Robert,an undertone; but she said to Mrs. I owe. him  more than that for UxHathorn: "Jane, the house is yours; moor, let alone years of love and
keep them if it suits'you, I am sure good-will.  There'now, he is going
it is no business of mine."       to cry, I suppose.  Bob, don't cry,
" 0, thank you, Rose! " cried Rob- for Heaven's sake; I can't abide to
ert; but his thanks were cut short by see a man cry."
the voice of the elder Hathorn, who   "It is you make me, Rose, praishad just come in firom  the yard. ing me just when everybody seemed
"They are going,". said he, " I make to turn against me."
no complaint against them. There   "You are crying yourself, Rose,"
is no ill-will on either side; but I whimpered Mrs. Hathorn.
say they ought to go, and go they   "If I am, I don't feel it," replied
shall."                            Mrs. Mayfield.




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       219
Rachael trembled; but she said in chael, and till I know I won't believe
her low, firm voice: " We are going anything."
away of our own accord, Mistress   " Why, Bob, I thought Hickman
Mayfield, and we thank you kindly had told you all about it, —I underfor this, and for all, — but we are stood him so,- ay, and he must too,
going away."                       or why did you come to me in the
" You don't love Robert, then  "   yard and eat humble pie?"
"No, Mrs. Mayfield," said Ra-   " I don't know what you mean by
chael, with the air of one confessing telling me all about it, father: he hinttheft or sacrilege, " I don't love Mr. ed as much as that he and Rachael
Robert!" and she lowered her eyes had been too familiar once upon a
with their long lashes, and awaited time."
her sentence.                        "Well l"
"Tell that to the men," replied   "Well! how often has he told the
Rose, " you can't draw the wool over same lie of a dozen others'! that is a
a sister's eye, young lady."       common trick of Dick Hickman's, to
"The young. woman is the only pretend he has been thick with a girl,
one among you that has a grain of that perhaps does not know his face
sense," said old Hathorn, roughly. from Adam's. Father, I can't believe
" Why don't you let her alone, - she a known liar's tongue against such
would thank you for it."           a face as that."
" Can you read a woman's words,   " Face as that I It is a comely one,
you old ass i" was the contemptuous but seems to me it does not look us
answer.                           so very straight in the face just now:
" I am not an ass, young woman," and there's more than a liar's tongue
said Hathorn, gravely and sternly, on t'other side, there's chapter and
" and I am in my own house, which verse, as the saying is."
vou seem to forget,"- Rose colored   "I don't understand your hints,
up to the eyes,- " and I am  the and I don't believe that blackguard's.
master of it, so long as it is your I am not so old as you, but I have
pleasure I should be here."       learned that truth does not lie in
" John! " cried Mrs. Hathorn, with hints."
a deprecating air.                   "I'm  older than you, and a wo"And I am that young man's fa- man's face can't make me blind and
ther, and it is his duty to listen to deaf to better witnesses."
me, and mine not to let him make   "There are no better witnesses!
a fool of himself.  I don't pretend For shame, father! IHickman is no
to be so particular as Robert is, -  authority with Hathorn."
used to be, I mean, - and I was tell-   " But the Parish Register is an auing him only yesterday, that suppose thority," said the old man sternly,
you have kicked over the traces a and losing all his patience.
bit, as you have never broken your   "The Parish Register! "
knees, leastways to our knowledge,   "And if you look at the Parish
Rose, it did not much matter."     Register of Long Compton, you will
"Thank you, Daddy Hathorn; find the name of a child she is the
much obliged to you, I am sure."   mother of, and no father to show."
"But there's reason in roasting of
eggs; this one has been off the
course altogether, and therefore, I say   "Father!"
again, she shows sense by going home,   "Ask herself! — you see she does
and you show no sense by trying to n't deny it."
keep her here."                      All eyes turned and fastened upon
"''ather," said Robert, "you go too Rachael; and those who saw her at
far; we know nothing against Ra- this moment will carry her face and




220                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
her look to their graves, so fearful Register tell you the man married
was the anguish of a high spirit, her with a wife living in another part I
ground into the dust and shame; her Is it wrote down along with that
body seemed that moment to be child's name in the Parish Register,
pierced with a hundred poisoned ar- how his father fell on his knees to his
rows.  She rose white to her very mother, a girl of seventeen, and
lips, and stood in the midst of them  begged, for the dear life, she would n't
quivering like an aspen-leaf, her eyes take the law of him and banish him
preternaturally bright and large, and the country? What was she to think?
she took one uncertain step forwards, could she think that, when his sick
as if to fling herself on the weapons wife died, he'd reward her for sparof scorn that seemed to hem her in; ing him by flying the country, not to
and she opened her mouth to speak, do her right? The Parish Register!
but her open lips trembled, and trem- You welcome this scoundrel to your
bled, and no sound came. And all house, and you hunt his victim out
the hearts round, even -the old farm- like a vagabond, ye d-d hypocrites!
er's, began now to freeze and fear Come, Rachael, let us crawl away
at the sight of this wild agony; and home, and die in peace."
at last, after many efforts, the poor   "No! no! you must not go like
soul would have said something, God that," cried Mrs. Hathorn, and Robknows what, but a sudden and most ert rose, and was coming to take his
unexpected interruption came. Cor- hand; but he waved his staff furiousporal Patrick was by her side, nobody ly over his head.
saw how; and, seizing her firmly by   " Keep aloof, I bid ye all," he cried;
the arm, he forbade her to speak.  " I have fought against Bonaparte,
"Silence, girl!" cried the old sol- and I despise small blackguards."
dier, fiercely. " I dare you to say a He seized Rachael and drew her to the
word to any of them! "            door: then he came back at them
Then Rachael turned and clung again:  "'T is n't guilt you have
convulsively to his shoulder, and punished; you have insulted innotrembled and writhed there in silence. cence and hard fortune; you have inAll this while they had not observed sulted your own mothers, for you
the old man, or they would have seen have insulted me, and I fought for
that the mist had gradually cleared them before the best and oldest of you
away from  his faculties; his mind, was born, - no skulking before the enbrightened by his deep love for Ra- emy, girl," - for Rachael was droop.
chael, was keenly awake to all that ing and trembling, —"right shoulconcerned her; and so her old chain- ders forward, MARCH!" and he almost
pion stood in a moment by her side tore her out of the house. He was
with scarce a sign left of age or weak- great, and thundering, and terrible, in
ness, upright and.firm as a tower.    this moment of fury; he seemed a
" Silence, girl! I dare you to say a giant and the rest but two feet high.
word to any of them! "            His white hair streamed, and his eyes
" There," sobbed Mrs. Hathorn, blazed  defiance and scorn. He was
" you thought the poor old man was great and terrible by his passion and
past understanding, and now you his age, and his confused sense of past
make him  drink the bitter cup, as battles and present insult. They folwell as her."                      lowed him out almost on tiptoe. He
"Yes! I must drink my cup too," lifted Rachael into the wagon, placed
said old Patrick. "I thought I was her carefully on a truss of hay in the
going to die soon, andto die in peace; wagon, and the carter came to the
but I'11 live and be young again, if it horses' heads, and looked to the house
is but to tell ye ye are a pack of curs. to know whether he was to start now.
The Parish Register! does the Parish    Robert came out and went to Ra



CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       221
chael's side of the wagon, but she relations of hers who dressed finer
turned her head away.              and held their heads higher at present.
"Won't you speak to me, Ra- Unfortunately for Rachael, this aunt
chael?" said Robert.              was alive at the period when HickRachael turned her head away, and man's bigamy was discovered by old
was silent.                        Patrick.  The said aunt had never
"Very well," said Robert quietly, done anything of the kind herself,
very quietly.                      nobody had ever married her illegally,
" Go on," cried old Hathorn.    and she could not conceive how such
The next moment there was a fear- a thing could take place without the
ful scream from the women, and Rob- woman being in fault as well as the
ert was seen down among the horses' man; so she was very cross about it,
feet, and the carter was forcing them  and discontinued her good offices.
back, or the wagon would have been The Corporal wished to apply the
over him; the carter dragged him up, law  at once to Hickman; but he
- he was not hurt, but very pale; he found means to disarm Rachael, and
told his mother, who came running Rachael disarmed the old soldier.
to him, that he had felt suddenly faint Rachael, young, inexperienced, and
and had fallen, and he gave a sickly honest, was easily induced to believe
smile, and bade her not be frightened, in Hickman's penitence, and she never
he was better.                     doubted that, upon his wife's death,
Rose Mayfield was as white as a who was known to be incurably ill,
sheet.                             Richard would do her ample right.
"Go on," cried the farmer, again, So meantime she agreed to do herself
and at a word from the carter the injustice.
horses drew the wagon out of the   Mrs. Hickman died within a short
yard, and went away down the lane time of the exposure; but, unfortuwith Rachael and Patrick.          nately for Rachael, another person
They were gone.                 died a week or two before her, and
that person was Rachael's aunt.  No
will appeared, except an old one,
which was duly cancelled by the old
CHAPTER  VII.             lady herself, in the following mane
ner: First, all the words were inked
CORPORAL PATRICK was correct in out with a pen; secondly, most of
his details; the Parish Register gave them were scratched out with a knife;
a very vague outline of Rachael lastly, a formal document was affixed
Wright's history. Mr. Hickman had and witnessed, rendering the said ingone through the ceremony of marry- strument null as well as illegiing her; nay, more, at the time, he ble. This unfortunate testament behad firmly intended the ceremony queathed Bix Farm to Jack White,
should be binding, for his wiife lay dy- her graceless nephew. He had ofing a hundred miles off, and Rachael fended her after the will was made, so
had at this period great expectations she annulled the will. The graceless
firom her aunt, Mrs. Clayton. This nephew could afford to smile at these
Mrs. Clayton was the possessor of evidences of wrath; he happened to
Bix Farm.  She was a qucer-tem- be her heir-at-law, and succeeded to
pered woman, and a severe economist; ]Bix in the absence of all testament to
this did not prevent her allowing Pat- the contrary. Hickman was with his
rick and Rachael a yearly sum, which dying wife in Somersetshire. The
helped to maintain them in homely news about Bix reached him, and he
comfort. And she used to throw out secretly resolved to have nothing more
mysterious hints that, at her death, to do with Rachael. To carry out
the pair would be better off than other this with more security, the wretch




222'CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
wrote her affectionate letters from  over all the sorrow that had come on
time to time, giving plausible excuses the farm; atd as all generous natures
for remaining in Somersetshire; and do, if you give them time to think, she
so he carried on the game for three blamed herself more than any one else,
months after his wife was dead; he and wished herself dead and out of the
then quietly dropped the mask and way, if by that means the rest could
wrote no more.                     only be made happy as they used to be.
So matters went on for some years, While she was in this mood, her head
until one day the graceless nephew, buried in her hands, she heard a slight
finding work a bore, announced Bix noise, and, looking up, saw a sorrowFarm to let.  Poor Hickman had set ful face at the door: it was Mr.
his heart upon this Bix, and, as he Casenower.
could not have it for his own, he   "I am come to bid you good by,
thought he should like to rent it; so Mrs. Mayfield."
*he came up and made his offer, and   " Come to bid me good by  "
was accepted as tenant. The rest the   "Yes; all my things are packed up
reader knows, I believe; but what except this, which I hope you will do
iron passed through the hearts of Ra- me the favor to accept, since I am
chael and the old soldier all this time, going away; and shall never tease you
that let me hope he knows not.     again."
" You never teased me, that I
know," said  Mrs. Mayfield, very
gently. "What is it, sir? "
" It is my collection of birds' eggs:
CHAPTER VIII.               will you look at it? "
"Yes. Why, here are a hundred
THu  events we have recorded had different sorts, and no two kinds
no sooner taken place, than a great alike."
change seemed to come over Mrs.   "No two kinds? I should think not.
Mayfield. She went about her avo- No two eggs, you mean."
cations as usual, but not with the   "How beautiful they look when you
same alacrity; and her spirits were see them in such numbers  "
so unstrung, that every now and then    "They are beautiful.  Nature is
she burst into tears. The female ser- very skilful; we don't take half as
vants, honest country wenches that many hints from her as we might.
were not sublimely indifferent, like Do you observe these eggs all of one
London domestics, to everybody in color, - these delicate blues, these exthe house but themselves, seeing the quisite drabs? If you ever wish to
gloom of the house, and Mrs. Mayfield paint a room, take one of these eggs
continually crying who never cried for a model, and you will arrive at
before, began to whimper for sympa- such tints as no painter ever imagined
thy, and the house was a changed out of his own head, I know. I once
house. Robert had disappeared; and hoped we should make these experithey all felt it was a charity not to ments together; but it was not to be.
ask where, or to go near him for a Good by, dear Mrs. Mayfield! "
while: all but the mother, who could   " 0 Mr. Casenower! I did not think
not resist the yearnings of a mother's you came to quarrel with me."
nature; she crept silently at a dis-   " Heaven forbid!  But you love
tance, and watched her boy, lest per- somebody else."
chance evil should befall him.       "No: I don't."
Mrs. Mayfield then, after many ef-   "Yes: you know you do; and you
forts to go through her usual duties, rejected me this morning."
gave way altogether, and sat herself   "I remember I was rude to you,
down in her own parlor, and cried sir; I knocked a flower out of your




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       223
hand. Does that rankle in your heart   "Don't cry, dearest," said Caseso long?"                         nower; "you shall have your wish;
"Mrs. Mayfield, it is for your sake you shall make everybody happy!"
I am going, not out of anger; you  - "0 no, no! that is impossible
know that very well."              now."
" I know no such thing, it is out of   " No such thing, - there is no misspite, and a pretty time to show your chief that can't be cured. Look here,
spite, when my heart is -breaking. If Rose, the old farmer is very fond of
you went to please me, you would money; Rachael is poor; well, I ant
wait till I bid you go."          rich.  I will soon  find Robert a
"You don't bid me go, then  "    thousand pounds or two, and he shall
"It does n't seem like it."     have the girl he likes."
" You bid me stay "  "Ah, Mr. Casenower, if money
"Not I, sir. Don't let me keep you could do it I should have settled it
here against your will."          that way myself.  0, what a good
" But it is not against my will; only creature you are! I love you, - no,
you seemed to hate me this morning." I don't, I hate you, because I see
"What signifies what I did this how all this is to end. No, no! we
morning? "  cried Mrs. Mayfield, have insulted the poor things and
sharply; "it is afternoon now. This set their hearts against us, and we
morning they put me out; I wanted have set poor Robert against the
somebody to quarrel with; you came girl, who is worth the whole pack of
in my way, so I quarrelled with you. us twice counted.  They are gone,
Now I have made you all unhappy, so and the old man's curse hangs like
I am miserable myself, as I deserve; lead upon the house and all in it."
and now I want somebody to comfort   " Where are they gone2 "
me, and you come to me: but, instead   "Newbury way."
of comforting me, all you can think of   " How long? "
is to quarrel with me, -oh! oh! oh! "   "An hour and a half."
This speech was followed by a flood   "In  two hours I'11 have tnem
of tears,                          back here."
Casenower drew his chair close to   "Don't be a fool now, talking
hers, and took her hand, and promised nonsense."
to console her,- to die for her, if   "Will you lend me your mare? "
necessary.                           "Yes! no 1 The old farmer would
" Tell me your trouble," said he, kill us."
" and you shall see how soon I will cure    "Hang the old farmer!  Who
it, if a friend can cure it. Mrs. May- cares for him? Is this your house
field, - Rose, - what is the matter  " or his  "
" Dear Mr. Casenower, Robert is in   " Mine, to be sure."
love with that Rachael, - the farmer   " Then I shall bring them to this
has insulted her, and sent her and her house."
grandfather away, - Robert is break-   " Yes, but - but -"
ing his heart; - and. all this began   "You have a right to do what you
with a word of mine, though that like in your own house, I suppose.
blackguard Hickman is more to blame Why, how scared you look! Where
still. But I am a woman that likes to is all your spirit? You have plenty
make people happy about me; I may of it sometimes."
say I live for that; and now they are   "Dear Mr. Casenower, don't tell
all unhappy: and if I knew where to anybody, I have not a grain of real
find a dose of poison I would not be spirit. I am the most chicken-hearted
long before I would take it this day. creature in the world, only I hide it
I can't bear to make people unhappy, when I fall in with other cowards,
-oh! oh! oh!"                     and so then I can bully them, you




224.                 CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
know. I have hectored it over you his wife sat opposite each other in
more than once, and  so I would silence.
again; but it would be a shame, you   Mrs. Hathorn helped herself to a
are so good, —and besides you have morsel; but she did not care to eat
found me out."                    it, and, in fact, she only helped her"Well, I am not afraid of any- self to encourage her husband to eat.
body, if I can please you.  I will She did not succeed; Farmer Haride after them and fetch them here, thorn remained in a brown study, his
and, if you are afraid to give them  supper untasted before him.
house-room, I will hire that empty   "Eat your supper, husband."
house at the end of the lane, and this   " Thank you, wife; I am not hunvery night they shall be seated in a gry."
good house, by a good fire, before a   " Take a drop of beer, then."
good supper, within fifty yards of   "No, Jane, I am not dry."
your door."                          " You are ill, then, John; you
"Let me go with you. You don't don't look well."
know the way."                       "I'm well enough, I tell you."
"Thank you, I should be sure to   " You are in trouble, like many
lose the way by myself; go and get more in this house."
your habit on. Lose no time. I will   "Me? No; I never was happier
saddle the horses."               in my life! "
"How a man takes the command   " Indeed!  What is there to be
of us," thought Mrs. Mayfield. "I happy about?"
shall have to marry you for this, I   "Come, now, what is it? "cried the
suppose," said she, gayly, shining farmer, angrily. "Out with it, and
through her late tears.            don't sit looking at me with eyes like
"Not unless you like," said Case- an adder's."
nower, proudly.  " I don't want to   "My man, you see your conscience
entrap  you, or take any woman in your wife's eyes; thatis all the
against her will."                 venom they have."
The Mayfield colored up to her   " You had better tell me Robert is
eyes.                             in his senses to love that girl. I
"You had better knock me down," would cut my arm off at the shoulder
said she. "I know you would like sooner than consent to it."
to "; andl, casting on her companion    " Would you cut your son off soona glance of undisguised admiration, er? " said Mrs. Hathorn, with forced
she darted up stairs for her habit.    calmness.
Ten minutes later she was in the   "What do you mean  "
saddle, and, giving her mare the rein,   "You take very little notice of what
she went after our poor travellers passes, John."
like a flash of lightning.           "What do you mean  "
Casenower followed as he might.    " Did n't you see what Robert tried
for when the wagon started with
+-4 —--           them?"
"0, about his fainting! I could
CHAPTER IX.              have kicked the silly fool if I had n't
been his father."
IT was a glorious evening: the   "Don't you think it is very odd he
sun, gigantic and red, had just be- should faint like that, —just under
gun to tip the clouds with gold, and the wheel of a wagon2 "
rubies, and promises of a fine day   " 0, when a chap swoons away, he
to-morrow; the farm was quiet; the can't choose the bed he falls on."
farmer's homely supper was set on a   " A moment more, the wheel would
table outside the door, and he and have been on his head; if Thomas




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       225
hadn't been lightsome and stopped   "No, he is not asleep."
the horses all in a minute, Robert   "Give him  time; he'll come to
Hathorn would have been a corpse in when he has cried his bellyful."
this house."                         "He shed tears? 0 no! it is too
" Well!"                        deep for that; he will die by his own
" Well! "                       hand, or fret to death. He won't be
The old man lowered his voice: long here, I doubt: look for dark
"You had better tell me you think he days, old man! "
did it on purpose!"      ".Wife," said Hathorn, trembling,
Mrs. Hathorn leaned over the table " you are very hard upon me: to hear
to him.                            you, one would say I am a bad father,
" I don't think it, John; I am sure and am killing my son."
of it. Robert never fainted at all; he   -" No, - no, - John! But we were
was as white as his shirt, but he knew  too ambitious, and we have humbled
what he was about, from first to last. the poor and the afflicted; and HeavHe chose his time; and when Rachael en does not bless them that do so, and
turned her head from  him, he just never will."
said,' Very well then,' and flung him-   " I don't know what to do, Jane."
self under the wheel. What did Thom-   "No more do I, except pray to
as say, who dragged him up from the God: that is my resource in dangers
horses' feet l"                    and troubles."
" I don't know," said old Hathorn,   "Ay! ay! that can do no harm any
half sulkily, half trembling.      way."
"He said,'That is flying in the   While the old couple sat there, with
face  of Heaven, young  master.' gloomy and foreboding hearts, sudJane heard him  say it; and you denly a cheerful cry burst upon their
know Thomas is a man that speaks ears. It was Mrs. Mayfield's voice;
but little. What did Rose Mayfield she came cantering up the lane'with
say, as she passed him next minute? Mr. Casenower: she  dismounted,'Would you kill your mother, Rob- flung him the bridle, and ran into her
ert, and break all our hearts 2' You own house, where she busied herself
cried out,' Go on,- go on.' Robert in giving orders, and preparing two
said his foot had slipped; and made rooms for some expected visitors.
as though he would smile at me. Ah! A few minutes more, and, to the aswhat a smile, John! If you had been tonishment of Hathorn and delight
as near it as I was, you would n't of his wife, the wagon hove in sight
sleep this night."  And Mrs. Hathorn with Rachael and Patrick.
began to sob violently, and rocked   They descended from the wagon,
herself to and fro.                and were led by Mr. Casenower into
-" Then send for them back," cried Mrs. Mayfield's house, and there, after
the farmer, suddenly starting up. all this day's fatigues and sorrows,
" Send, before worse ill comes, - con- they found a welcome and bodily refound them! "                      pose.  But Rachael showed great
" They will never come back here. uneasiness; she had been very relucThey are poor, but honest and proud; tant to return; but Mrs. Mayfield
and we have stung them too bitterly, had begged them both so hard, with
reproaching them  with  their hard the tears in her eyes, and Patrick had
lot."                             shown so strong a wish to come back,
"Where is he  "                 that she had yielded a passive con" In the barn; with his face buried sent. When the news of their return
in the straw, like one who would n't was brought to Robert by his mother,
speak, or see, or hear the world he betrayed himself to her; he threw
again."                            his arms round her neck like a girl,
"IPerhaps he is asleep?"       - but in his downcast look, and dog10                              o




226                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
ged manner, none of the others could said Robert, with feeling. "I pity
discover whether he was glad or sorry. you."
He went about his work next morn-   "Keep your pity for one that asks
ing, as usual, and did not even make it," was the spirited reply.
an inquiry about Rachael.            " What! are we to worship you  "
It was about twelve o'clock the next   "Misfortnne that does not comday, that Mrs. Mayfield observed him  plain should meet some little respect,
return from the field and linger longer I think."
than usual in the neighborhood of the   "Yes, Rachael, but it would be
house. She invited Rachael to come more respected if you had not kept it
and look at her pet calf, and walked so close."
her'most treacherously right up to   "Master Robert," answered RaRobert.                            chael, in what we have already de"Oh! " cried she, "you must ex- scribed as her dogged manner, " poor
cuse me, here is Robert, he will do folk must work, and ought to work;
as well. Robert, you take and show  and as they won't let a girl in my
her my calf, the red and white one, situation, as you call it, do work or
that's a good soul, they want me in- be honest, I concealed my fault, - if
doors."  And in a moment she was fault it was of mine."
gone, and left Robert and Rachael   "And I call it cruel to let a man
looking alternately at each other and love you, and hide your story from
the ground.                        him."
When Rose left these two together,   " Nay, but I never encouraged any
she thought, innocently enough, that man to love me; so I owe my story
the business was half done, as far as to no man."
they were concerned. She had not   " Keep your secrets, then," said
calculated the characters of the par- Robert, savagely; "nobody  wants
ties, and their pride.  They were them, without it is Richard Hickman.
little nearer each other now than at I hearl his cursed voice in the air
twenty miles distant.              somewhere."
"Well, Rachael,"  said Robert,   "Richard Hickman! "gasped Ra" I am glad you are here again; they chael. " 0, why did I come to this
were wrong to insult you, and now  place to be tortured again? "
they are right to bring you back; but   Richard Hickman had come here
it is no business of mine."        expressly to have a friendly talk with
" No, Master Robert," said Rachael, Mr. Patrick. Mr. Patrick owed this
quietly, "and it is against my will I honor to the following circumstance.
am here."                            As the wagon returned to the farm,
With these words she was moving Thomas had stopped at a certain wayaway, when Robert intercepted her, side public-house, in which Mr. Hickand, intercepting her, said: " O, I don't man happened to be boozing. Patrick
hinder you to stay or to go.  The was breathing threats against Hickfolk say a heap of things about you man, and insisting on Rachael's takand me; but did I ever. say a word ing the law of him, and sending him
to you more than civility?"       out of the country. Rachael, to get
"No! nor would I have suffered it." rid of the subject, yielded a languid
"0, you are proud! it suits your assent; and Hickman, who was insituation," said Robert, bitterly.  tently listening, trembled in his shoes.
"A man and a Christian would To prevent this calamity, the prudent
think twice ere he reminded me of Richard determined to make a pseumy situation," cried Rachael, with do-spontaneous offer of some sort to
flashing eyes; "and, since you can't the Corporal, and hush up the whole
feel for it, why speak to me at all?"  affair.
"I did not mean to affront you,"   At the sight of Hickman, the Cor



CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                       227
poral was for laying on, as our elder   "Friends, since qorporal Patrick
dramatists have it; but Mr. Casenow- of the 47th Foot was 111 amongst you,
er, who was there, arrested his arm, and partly out of his senses, has he
and proposed to him to hear what the done any dirty action, that this felman had to say.                    low comes and offers him money in
"Well," cried Patrick, "let him  exchange for a good name?"
speak out then before them  all, -    "No, Mr. Patrick," said Robert,
they have all seen us affronted through breaking silence for the first time.
his villany. Where is Rachael?"    " You are anl honest man, and a betSo then the Corporal came round ter man than ever stood in Dick
to where Rachael stood, pale as Hickman's shoes."
death; and Robert sat pale, too, but   Hickman bit his lip, and cast a
clenching  his teeth like one who wicked glance at Robert.
would die sooner than utter a cry,   "And your daughter is as modest
though many vultures, called pas- a lass as ever broke bread, for all her
sions, were gnawing the poor lad's misfortune," cried Mrs. Hathorn.
heart at this moment; and, to make   "And none but a scoundrel would
matters worse, both Mr. and Mrs. hope to cure the mischief he has done
Hathorn, seeing  this  assemblage, with money," cried the Mayfield.
were drawn by a natural curiosity to    "Spare me, good people," said
join the group.                    Hickman, ironically.
And here Mr. IIickman's brass en-   "Ay, spare him," said Patrick,
abled him to cut a more brilliant fig- simply. " I have spared him this five
nre than his past conduct justified; years for Rachael's sake; but my pahe cast a sly, satirical look at them  tience is run out," roared the old
all, especially at poor Robert, and, man; and, lifting his staff, he made a
setting his back to the railings, he sudden rush at the brazen Hickman.
opened the ball thus: —           Casenower and Old Hathorn inter" I come to speak to Mrs. Mayfield; posed.
she says,' Speak before all the rest.'   " Let him alone," said Hickman;
With all my heart. I come to -say "you may be sure I sha'n't lift my
three words' to Mr. Patrick;'Speak hand against fourscore years. I'll
before all the rest,' says he; well, go sooner," and he began to saunter
why not? it is a matter of taste. off.
Mr. Patrick, I have done you wrong,   "What! you are a coward as well,
and I own it; but you have had your are you?" roared Patrick. "Then
revenge. You have told the story I pity you. Begone, yelump of dirt,
your way, and the very boys are for with your idleness, your pride, your
throwing stones at me here., and you meanness, your money, and the shame
have set Mrs. Mayfield against me, of having offered it to a soldier like
that used to look at me as a cat does me, that has seen danger and glory."
at cream."                           "Well done, Mr. Patrick!" cried
"As a cat does at water, you Hathorn; "that is an honor to a
mean,- you impudent, ugly dog."   poor man to be able to talk like that.".
" Keep your temper, my darling;   " Yes, Mr. Patrick, that was well
you were for having everything said said."
in public, you know. Well, now let   "It is well said, and well done."
us two make matters smooth, old   Every eye was now bent with adman. How much will you take to miration on Patrick, and fiom  him
keep your tongue between your teeth they turned with an universal moveafter this?"                      ment of disdain to Hickman. The
Patrickl's reply came in form of a man writhed for a moment under this
question addressed to the company in human lightning, difficult to resist,
general.                           and then it was he formed a sudden




228                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
resolution that took all present by   As for Robert, he did everything
surprise. Conscience pricked him a he could to make Rachael say " yes"
little, Rachael's coldness piqued him, to Hickman. He called up a dogged
jealousy of Robert stung him, gen- look of indifference, and held it on
eral disdain annoyed him, and he his face by main force. It is to be
longed to turn the tables on them all. doubted, though, whether this imUnder this strange medley of feelings posed on Rachael. She stole a sinand motives, he suddenly wheeled gle glance at him  under her long
round, and faced them all, with an lashes, and at last her voice broke
air of defiance that made him  look softly, but firmly, on them all, and it
much handsomer than they had seen sounded like a bell, so hushed were
him  yet, and he marched into the they all, and so highly strung was
middle of them.                    their attention and expectation.
"I'll show you all that I am not   " I thank you, Richard Hickman;
so bad as you make me out, -you but I decline your offer."
listen, old man.  Rachael, you say   "Are you in earnest, little girl  "
that you love me still, and that't is   "Rachael," said Patrick, "think,
for my sake you refuse Bob Hathorn, - are you sure you know your own
as I believe it is, and the Devil take mind  "
me if I won't marry you now, for all   "Grandfather, to marry a man, I
that is come and gone."   He then must swear in the face of Heaven to
walked slowly and triumphantly past love and honor him.  How could I
Robert Hathorn, on whom he looked respect Richard Hickman? If he was
down with superior scorn, and he the only man left upon the earth, I
came close up to Rachael, who was could not marry him, and I would
observed to tremble as he came near not. I would rather die!"
her. "Well, Rachael, my lass, I am    Robert drew a long breath.
Richard Hickman, and I offer you    "You have got your answer," said
the ring before these witnesses, - say Patrick, " so now, if I was you, I'd
yes, and you are mistress of Bix be off."
Farm, and Mrs. Hickman. O,'I know    "If I don't I'm  a fool. I shall
the girl I make the offer to," add- go to my uncle, he lives ninety miles
ed he, maliciously; "if you could from here, and you'11 see I shall get
not find out what she is worth, I a farm there and a wife and all, if so
could. Wrhere are you all now? -  be you don't come there a reaping,
name the day, Rachael, here is the Mr. Patrick."
man."                                "Heaven pardon you, then," said
Rachael made no answer.         the old man, gravely. " You are but
It was a strange situation, so young; remember it is not too late
strange that a dead silence followed to repair your ill conduct to us by
Hickman's words. Marriage offered good conduct to others, —so now
to a woman before a man's face who good afternoon."
had tried to kill himself for her but   " Good afternoon, Daddy Patrick,"
yesterday, and offered by a man who said Hickman, with sudden humility.
had neglected her entirely for five "Your servant, all the company,"
years, and had declined her under added he, taking off his hat. So saymore favorable circumstances. Then ing, he went off. He had no sooner
the motionless silence of the woman turned the corner than he repented
so addressed, - they all hung upon him of the manner of his going; so,
her lips, poor Mr. Casenower not ex- putting his hands in his pockets, he
cepted, who feared that, now Rachael whistled the first verse of " The
was to be Mrs. Hickman, Robert Ploughboy," until out of hearing.
might turn to Mrs. Mayfield and crush As these last sounds of Hickman
his new-raised hopes.              died away, they all looked at one




CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.                        229
another in silence. Old Hathorn was to Rachael: "My girl, I admire your
the first to speak.                pride; but have pity on my poor boy
"That was uncommon spirity to and me."
refuse Hickman," said he, bluntly;   " And on yourself," put in Mrs.
"but you have too much pride, both Mayfield.
of you! "                            " May Heaven bless you, Mr. Ha"No, not I, farmer," said the old thorn  " said Rachael. "If I say
man, sorrowfully; "I have been'No!' to Robert, I have a reason
proud, and high-spirited, too; but it that need offendno one. Folk would
is time that passed away from  me. never believe I was not in fault; they
I am old enough to see from  this would cast his wife's story in his teeth,
world into another, and from  this and sting us both to death, for he is
hour to my last (and that won't be proud, and I am proud too. And
long, I hope), I am patient; the sky what I have gone through, - O, it
is above thle earth; my child has had has made me as bitter as gall!-as
wrong, - cruel, bitter, undeserved bitter as gall! "
wrong; but we will wait for Heaven's   " Rachael Wright," cried the old
justice, since man has none for us, Corporal, sternly, "listen to me! "
and we will take it when it comes,   "Rachael Wright," yelled Casehere or hereafter."                 nower.'0 graciousHeavens!-RaThe fiery old man's drooping words chael  Wright, - it is - it must be.
brought the water into all their eyes, I knew it was an odd combination,and Robert, in whose mind so sore a I got it into my head it was' Rebecca
struggle had been raging, sprang to Reid.' Is this Rachael Wright, sir  "
his feet.                            "Of course it is," said the Corporal,
"You speak well," he cried; "you peevishly.
are a righteous man, and my ill pride   "Then I have got something for
falls before your words; it is my turn  her from my late partners. I'll find
to ask yourdaughterofyou. Rachael, it, -it is at the bottom of my seeds,";
you take me for husband and friend and away scampered Casenower.
for life. I loved you well enough to   He presently returned, and interdie for you, and now I love you well rupted a rebuke Mr. Patrick was adenough to live for you; Rachael, be ministering to Rachael, by giving her
my wife, -if you please."          a long envelope. She opened it with
"She won't say'No!' this time," some surprise, and ran her eye over
cried Rose Mayfield, archly.       it, for she was what they call in the
"Thank you, Robert," said Ra- country a capital scholar. Now, as
chael, mournfully. "I am more your she read, her face changed and
friend than to say' Yes!' "      changed like an April sky, and each
" Rachael," cried Mrs. Hathorn, change was a picture and a story.
" if it is on our account, I never saw  They looked at her in wonder as well
a lass I would like so well for a as curiosity. At last a lovely red
daughter-in-law as yourself."      mantled in her pale cheek, and a
"No, mother," said Robert; "it is smile like a rainbow, a smile those
on account of father. Father, if you present had never seen on her face,
will not be offended, I shall put a came back to her from the past. The
question to you that I never thought paper dropped from her hands as she
to put to my father. Have I been a stretched them out, like some benign
good son or a bad son to you these goddess or nymph, all love, delicacy,
eight-and-twenty years2 "          and grace.
"Robert! " cried the old man, in a   "Robert," she cried, and she need
quivering tone, that showed these have said no more, for the little word
simple words had gone through and " Robert," as she said it, was a volthrough his heart. Then he turned ume of love, -" Robert, I love, I




230                  CLOUDS AND SUNSHINE.
always loved you. I am  happy-    "Bix Farm, - the farm  Hickman
happy — happy! " and she threw her is on," cried Rose Mayfield. " Kick
arm  round Robert's neck, and cried him  out, he has no lease. If you
and sobbed, and, crying and sobbing, don't turn him out neck and crop betold him again and again how happy fore noon to-morrow, I am a dead
she was.                           woman."
"Hallo!" cried Hathorn, cheerful-    " The farm  is Robert's," said
ly, "wind has shifted in your favor, Rachael; "and so is all I have to
apparently, Bob."                  give him, if he will accept it."  And,
Mrs. Mayfield picked up the paper. though she looked at Mrs. Mayfield,
"This has done it," cried she, and she still clung to Robert.
she read it out pro bono. The paper   Robert kissed her, and looked so
contained the copy. of a will made by proudly at them all! "Have I choRachael's aunt, a year before she sen ill?" said Robert's eyes.
died. The sour old lady, being wroth
with Rachael on account of her misconduct in getting victimized, but not
quite so wroth as with her graceless        CHAPTER  X.
nephew, had taken a medium course.
She had not destroyed this will, as   WHEN everybody sees how a story
she did the other, by which graceless will end, the story is ended.
nephew was to benefit, but she hid it   Robert and Rachael live on their
in the wall, safe as ever magpie hid own farm, Bix; Corporal Patrick sits
thimble, and, dying somewhat sudden- by their fireside.
ly, she died intestate to all appear-   People laugh at Mr. Casenower's
ance. This old lady was immeasura- eccentricities; but it is found unsafe
bly fond of the old ramshackly house -to laugh at them in presence of Mrs.
she lived in. So after a while, to Casenower, late Mayfield.
show his contempt of her, graceless   I think I cannot conclude better
nephew had the house pulled down; than by quoting a few words that
the workmen picked out of the wall passed between Mrs. Hathorn and
the will in question. An old servant Corporal Patrick, as they all sat
of the lady, whom graceless nephew  round one table that happy evening.
had turned off, lived hard by, and was   "Rose," said this homely, good
sorrowfully watching the demolition creature, "I do notice that trouble
of the house, when the will was comes to all of us at one time or
picked out. Old servant read the other; and I think they are the hapwill, and found herself down for piest that have their trouble (like
~ 100. Old servant took the will to a these two children) in the morning of
firm of solicitors, no other than Case- their days."
nower's late partners. They  sent   "Ay, dame," said the Corporal,
down to Rachael's village; she and taking up the word, "and after that
Patrick were gone; a neighbor said a bright afternoon; and a quiet eventhey were reaping somewhere in Ox- ing, -as mine will be now, please
fordshire. The firm  sent a copy of God! "
the will to Casenower as a forlorn   Friendly reader (for I have friendhope, and employed a person to look ly as well as unfriendly readers), I
out for Rachael's return to her own do not wish you a day without a
place, as the -best chance of doing cloud, for you are human, and I,
business with her. By  the will, though a writer, am not all humbug.
~ 2,000  and Bix Farm  were be- But, in ending this tale, permit me
queathed to Rachael.              to wish you a bright afternoon, and
" Bix Farm!   Three hundred a tranquil evening, and, above all, a
acres! " cried Hathorn.          clear sky when the sun goes down.




ART:
A DRAMATIC TALE.








ART:
A DRAMATIC TALE.
ARLY in the last century, two   Let the stage voice and the dramatyoung women were talking to- ic voice, -the artificial and the argether in a large apartment, richly tistic,- the bastard and the legitifurnished. One of these was Susan, mate, - the false and the true, - be
cousin and dependant of Mrs. Anne kept apart upon separate stages, and
Oldfield; the other was a flower-girl, there is no security that the public
whom that lady had fascinated by her will not, as far as hands go, applaud
scenic talent. The poor girl was but the monotone, or lie, more than the
one of many persons over whom Mrs. melodious truth. But set the lie and
Oldfield had cast a spell; and yet this the truth side by side, upon fair terms,
actress had not reached the zenith of and the public becomes what the crither reputation.                    ics of this particular art have never
The town, which does not always been, -a critic; and stage bubbles,
know its own mind about actors, ap- that have bubbled for years, are liaplauded one or two of her rivals more ble to burst in a single night.
than her, and fancied it admired them    Mrs. Oldfield was wise enough,
more.                              even in her generation, to know that
Oldfield was the woman (there is the public's powers of comparison realways one) who used the tones of quire that the things to be compared
nature upon the stage, in that day; shall be placed cheek by jowl before it;
she ranted at times like her neigh- and this is why she had for some time
bors, but she never ranted out of tune manceLvred to play, foot to foot,
like them; her declamation was na- against Mrs. Bracegirdle, the chamture, alias art, -- thundering; theirs pion of the stage.
was artifice, — raving.  Her treat-   Bracegirdle, strong in position, trament of words was as follows: she dition, face, figure, and many qualmastered them in the tone of house- ities of an actor, was by no means
hold speech; she then gradually built sorry of an opportunity to quench a
up these simple tones into a gorgeous rising rival; and thus the two ladies
edifice of music and meaning; but were to act together in "The Rival
though dilated, heightened, andembel- Queens," within a few days of our
lished, they never lost their original story.
truth. Her rivals started from a lie,   Boxana    MR. BRACEGIRDLE.
so, the higher they soared, the further   Statira.. MRS. OLDFIELD.
they left truth behind them; —they
do the same thing now, pretty univer-   The town, whose heart at that
sally.                             epoch was in the theatre, awaited this
The public is a very good judge; singular struggle in a state of burning
and no judge at all of such matters: I excitement we can no longer realize.
will explain.                        Susan Oldfield, first cousin of the




234                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
tragedian, was a dramatic aspirant.   "Besides, Jane," said she, "I want
Anne's success having travelled into your Susan to churn! So there's
the  provinces, her aunt, Susan's an end!"
mother, said to Susan, who was mak-   Alas! she had underrated the rival
ing a cream-cheese, " You go an' act disputant. Susan's mother took reftoo, lass!"                       uge in an argument equally irrefra" I will," said Susan, a making of gable: she packed up the girl's things
cream-cheese.                      that night, and sent her off by coach
Anne's mother remonstrated, " She to Anne next morning.
can't do it."                        Susan arrived, told her story and
"Why not, sister?" said Susan's her hopes on Anne's neck.  Anne
mother, sharply.                   laughed, and made room for her on
Then ensued some reasoning.      the third floor. The cousins went to
"Anne,"  said  the  tragedian's the theatre that evening, the aspirant
mother, "was born clever. I can't in front.
account for it. She was always mim-   Susan passed through various emoicking. She took off the exciseman, tions, and when Belvidera "gazed,
and the farmers, and her grandmoth- turned giddy, raved, and died," she
er, and the very parson, -how she ran to the stage door, with some misused to make us laugh! Mimicking! givings whether she might not be
why, it was like a looking-glass, and wanted to lay her cousin out. In
the folks standing in front of it, and Anne's dressing-room  she found a
speaking behind it, all at one time. laughing dame, who, whilst wiping
Once I made her take mle off; she off her rouge, told her she was a fool,
was very loath, poor lass. I think and asked her rather sharply, "how
she knew she could not do it so well it went."
as the rest; it was n't like, though it   " The people clapped their hands!
made them all laugh more than the I could have kissed them," said Susan.
others; but the others were as like as   " As if I could not hear that, child,"
fagot to fagot. Now, Susan, she can't said Anne. " I want to know how
take off nothing, without't is the many cried where you were-"
scald cream from the milk, and I've   " Now, how can I tell you, cousin,
seen me beat her at that; I'm not when I could not see for crying mybragging."                         self?"
To this piece of ratiocination, Su-   "You cried, - did you?  I am
san's mother opposed the follow- very glad of that!"
ing: -                               "La, cousin! "
" Talent is in the blood," said she.   "It does not prove much, but it
(This implies that great are all the proves more than their clapping of
first cousins of the great.)       hands. You shall be my barber's
Anne's mother might have weak- block, - you don't understand me, -
ened this by examples at her own all the better,- come home to supdoor, to wit, the exciseman, who was per."
a clever fellow, and his son an ass.   At supper, the tragedian made the
But she preferred keeping within her dairymaid tell her every little village
own line of argument, and as the la- event; and, in her turn, recalled all
dies floated, by a law of their nature, the rural personages; and, reviving
away from  that to whicTi lawyers the trick of her early youth, imitated
tend, an issue, they drifted divaguely their looks, manners, and sentiments,
over the great pacific ocean of fem- to the life.
inine logic. At last a light shot into   She began with the exciseman, and
Anne's mamma: she found terra ended with the curate, —a whitefinna, i. e. an argument too strong headed old gentleman, all learning,
for refutation.                    piety, and simplicity. He had seen




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        235
in this beautiful and gifted woman out the new dress for Statira, which
only a lainb that he wats to lead up had just come in; and, in a manner
to heaven, - please God.           singularly apropos, no less than two
The nauglliiest things we do are nice little notes fell out of it as she
sure to be the cleverest, and this im- spoke.
itation made Susan laugh more than    The girls looked at them, as they
the others.                        lay on the floor, like deer looking
But in the midst of it the mimic askant at a lapdog.
suddenly paused, and her eye seemed   "Oh!" said the votary of Flora;
to turn inwards: she was quite silent "they ought to be ashamed."
for a moment.                        " So  they ought," cried  Susan.
Ah! Oldfield, in that one moment "I'd say nothing," added she, "if
I am  sure your heart has drunk some of them were for me. But I
many a past year. It is away to the shall have them when I am an acbanks of Trent, to grass and flowers, tress."
and days of innocence, to church-bells   "Are you to be that? Ah! you
and a cottage porch, and your moth- will never be like her! "
er's bosom, my poor woman, - prin-   "Why not?   She is only my
cess of the stage.                 mother's sister's daughter, bless you.
She faltered out: "But he was a Anne was only a country lass like
good man.  0 yes! yes! yes! he me, at first starting, and that is why
was a good man; he admired me my mother sent me here, because,
more then than he would now! None when talent is in a family, don't let
like him  shine on my path now." one churn all the butter, says she."
And she burst into a fit of crying.  "But can you act? " interposed the
Susan cried with her, without in other.
the least knowing what was the mat-   "Can't I?" was the answer.
ter. And these most dissimilar beings soon learned to love one another. "Ilis fame survives the world in deathless
The next day Anne took the gauge   Norry,
-, *. ~1%.Nor heaven and earth combined call match
of Susan's entire intellects; and, by   his glory."
way of comment on the text of Susan, connected her with dramatic po-   These lines, which  in  our day
etry, as Mrs. Oldfield's dresser.  would be thought a leetle hyperboliSusan then had been installed about cal, Susan  recited  with  gestures
three months, when she was hold- equally supernatural.
ing that conversation with the flower-   "Bless you," added she, complagirl, which I have too long interrupt- cently: "I could act fast enough, if
ed.                                I could but get the words off. Can
"It is an odd thing to say, but I you read?"
think you are in love with my cousin    "Yes! "
Anne."'Handwriting?  Tell the truth,
" I don't know," was the answer. now!"
"I am drawn to her by something I   "Yes! I can indeed."
cannot resist: I followed her home   "Handwriting is hard, is it not? "
for three months before I spoke to said Susan; "but a part beats all:
you. Will she not be angry at my did ever you see a part  "
presumption? "                      "No!"
"La! Of course not: it is not as   "Well, I'11 tell ye, girl! there
if you were one of these impudent comes a great scratch, and then some
men that follow her about, and slip words: but don't you go for to say
notes into every mortal thing, - her those words, because they belong to
carriage, her prayer-book."        another gentleman, and he might n't
Now Susan happened to be laying like it. Then you come in, and then




23 6                ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
another scratch.  And I declare it ing us at home, when there's nowould puzzle Old Scratch to clear the body to see."
curds from the whey -"               "It is my system, - I aim  at
Susan suddenly interrupted herself, truth. You are unsophisticated, and
for she had caught sight of a lady I experiment on you," was the cool
slowly approaching from an adjoining excuse.
room, the door of which was open.   " Cousin, when am I to be an ac"Hush!" cried Susan; "here she tress?" inquired Susan.
is! alack, she is not well! O dear!   " After fifteen years' labor, pershe is far from well! "  And, in point haps," was the encouraging response.
of fact, the lady slowly entered the   "Labor!  I thought it was all inapartment, laboring visibly under a spi-ration!"
weight of disease. The poor flower-   "Many think so, and find their ergirl, naturally thinking this no time ror. Labor and Art are the foundafor her introduction, dropped a bouquet tion, - Inspiration is the result."
on the table and retreated precipitately    " 0 Anne," cried Susan, " now do
from the den of the sick lioness.  tell me your feelings in the theatre."
Then the lady opened her lips,   " Well, Susan, first, I cast my eyes
and faltered forth the following sen- around, and try to count the house."
tence: —                              "No, no, Anne, I don't mean that."
"I go no further, let me rest here,   "Well, then, child, at times upon
fEnone!"                          the scene,- mind, I say at times, -
"Do, cousin!" said Susan, con- the present does fade fiom my soul,
solingly.                          and the great past lives and burns
"I  droop, I sink, my strength again; the boards seem buoyant air
abandons me!" said the poor invalid. beneath me, child; that sea of Eng"Here's a chair for y', Anne,"  lish heads floats like a dream before
cried  Susan.  "What is the mat- me, and I breathe old Greece and
ter?."                            Rome. I ride on the whirlwind of
On this, the other, fixing her filmy the poet's words, and wave my sceptre
eyes upon her, explained, slowly and like a queen, - ay, and a queen I am!
faintly, that, "' Her eyes were daz- - for kings govern millions of bodies,
zled with returning day; her trem- but I sway a thousand hearts! - But,
bling limbs refused their wonted stay.' to tell the truth, Susan, when all is
"Ah!" sighed she, and tottered over, I sink back to woman, — and
towards the chair.                 often my mind goes home, dear, to
" She's going to faint, - she's our native town, where Trent glides
going to faint! " cried poor Susan. so calmly through the meadows.  I
"O dear!  Here, quick! smell to pine to be by his side, far from the
this, Anne."                       dust of the scene, and the din of life,
"That will do, then," said the - to take the riches of my heart from
other, in a hard, unfeeling tone. "I flatterers, strangers, and the world,
am fortunate to have satisfied your and give them all, all, to one faithful
judgment, madam," added she.       heart, large, full, and loving as my
Susan stood petrified, in the act of own! Where's my dress for Statira,
hurrying with the smelling-bottle.    hussy?"  She snapped this last with
"That is the way I come on in that a marvellous quick change of key, and
scene," explained Mrs. Oldfield, yawn- a sudden sharpness of tone peculiar to
ing in Susan's sympathetic face.   actresses when stage-dresses are in
"Acting, by jingo! "  screamed question.
Susan, " You ought to be ashamed;   " Here it is. O, is n't it superb? "
I thought you were a dead woman.   "Yes, it is superb," said Oldfield,
I wish you would n't," cried she, dryly; "velvet, satin, and ostrichflying at her like a hen'; "torment- feathers, for an Eastern queen. The




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        237
same costume for Belvidera, Statira, and what she read to her cousin for a
Clytemnestra, and Mrs. Dobbs. O  poet's love hopped thus:prejudice! prejudice! The stage has,  Excdse - me dar —st friSnd — f I -
always been fortified against common       shoeid appear
sense! Velvet Greeks, periwigged Ro    TC6 press —lng bat - at my - years une
mans, - the audience mingling with         - has not
the scene, — past and present blun-    Mch time - t fless - and year - god
dered together!- English fops in the
Roman forum, taking snuff under a   " My good sense!" cried Mrs. OldRoman matron's nose (that's cme), field, "how can that be poetry I"
and cackling out that she does it noth-   "It is poetry, I know," remoning like (no more she does) -noth- strated Susan. " See, cousin, it's all
ing like Peggy Porteous, -whose of a length."
merit was that she died thirty years   "All of a length with your wit,ago, whose merit would have been that is the Mannering prose."
greater had she died fifty years ago,   "Drat them, if they write in lines,
and much greater still had she never how is one to know their prose from
lived at all."                     their verse?" said Susan, spitefully.
Here Susan offered her half a dozen    " I'l tell you, Susan," said the
letters, including the smuggled notes; other, soothingly; "their prose is
but the sweet-tempered soul (being something as like Mannering as can
for the moment in her tantrums) be, their verse is something in this
would not look at them. "I know  style:what they are," said she; "vanity,
in marvelloys thina dishuises; my "   You were not made to live from age to age;
my   The dairy yawns for you, -and not the
flatterers are so eloquent, that they     stage! "
will persuade me into marrying poor
old Mannering, -every morning he   "He! he!"
writes me four pages, and tells me my   She found what she sought, and,
duty; every evening he neglects his reading out herself the unknown
own, and goes to the theatre, which writer's verses, she said, with some
is unbecoming his age, I think."   feminine complacency, " Yes! this is
" He looks a very wise gentleman," a heart I have really penetrated."
observed Susan.                      "I've penetrated one, too," said
" He does," was the rejoinder, "but Susan.
his folly reconciles me in some degree   "Indeed!" was the reply; "how
to his wisdom; so, mark my words, did you contrive that, - not with the
I shall marry my silly sage. There, spit, I hope? "
burn all the rest but his- no! don't   Thus encouraged, Susan delivered
burn the letter in verse! "       herself most volubly of a secret that
"In verse?"                     had long burned in her.  She pro"Yes! I Wvon't have him burnt ceeded to relate how she had observed
either, —for he loves me, poor boy! a young gentleman always standing
Find it, Susan; he never misses a by the stage-door as they got into
day. I think I should like to know  their chariot, and when they reached
that one."                         home, somehow, he was always stand"I think this is it," said Susan.    ing there too. "It was not for you,
"Then read it out expressively, this one," -said Susan, hastily, "bewhilst I mend this collar. So then I cause you are so wrapped up he could
shall estimate your progress to the not see you."  Then she told her
temple of FEame, ma'am."           cousin how, once, when they werewalkIt is not easy to do justice on paper ing separately, this same young gentleto Susan's recitative; but, in fact, man had said to her, most tenderly,
she read it much as school-boys scan, "Madam, you are in the service of




238                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
Mrs. Oldfield."  and, on another Oldfield clinched a charming white
occasion, he had got as far as, " Mad- fist; then, lifting up her eyes, she said
am," when unfortunately her cousin tenderly, " Heaven grant no harm belooked round, and he vanished. Su- fell him afterwards, for I drove off,
san, then throwing off the remains of and left him to his fate! "
her reserve, and clasping her hands   Charming sensibility! an actress's!
together, confessed she admired him    In return for this anecdote, Susan
as much as he did her.  Susan gave was about to communicate some furthis reason for her affection: " He is, ther particulars on the subject which
for all the world, like one of the occupied all her secret thoughts, when
young tragedy princes, and you know  she was interrupted by a noise and
what ducks they are."              scuffle in the anteroom, high above
"I do, to my cost," was the caustic which were heard the loud, harsh
reply. "I wish, instead of talking tones of a stranger's voice exclaiming,
about this silly lover of yours, who " But I tell ye I will see her, ye saucy
must be a fool, or he would have made Jack."
a fool of you long ago, you would   Before this personage bursts upon
find out who is the brave young gen- Mrs. Oldfield, and the rest of us, I
tleman who risked his life for me must go back and take up the other
last month. Now I think of it, I am  end of my knot in the ancient town of
quite interested in him."           Coventry.
"Risked his life! - and you never   Nathan Oldworthy dwelt there; a
told me, Anne! "                  flourishing attorney; he had been a
"Robert told you, of course."    clerk; he came to be the master of
"No, indeed! "                   clerks; his own ambition was satis"Did he not? - then I will tell you fled, but his son Alexander, a youth of
the whole story. You have heard me parts, became the centre of a second
speak of the Duchess of Tadcaster?" ambition. Alexander was to embrace
" No, cousin, never!"           the higher branch of the legal profes" I wonder at that! Well- she and sion: was to be, first pleader, then barLady Betsy Bertie and I used to stroll rister, then King's counsel, - lastly, a
in Richmond Park with our arms judge; and contemporaneously with
round one another's waists, like the this final distinction, the old attorney
Graces, more or less, and kiss one was to sing "Nunc Dimittis," and
another, ugh! and swear a deathless " Capias " no more.
friendship, like liars and fools as we   By-standers are obliging enough
are. But her Grace of Tadcaster had to laugh at such schemes; but why.?
never anything to do, and I had my  The heart is given to them, and they.
business, so I could not always be are no laughing matter to those who
plagued with her; so for this the little form them: such schemes destroyed,
idiot now aspires to my enmity, and, the flavor is taken out of human lives.
knowing none but the most vulgar   When Nathan sent his son to Lonways of showing a sentiment, she bids don, it was a proud, though a sad
her coachman drive her empty car- day for him; hitherto he had looked
riage against mine, containing me. upon their parting merely as the first
Child, I thought the world was at an step of a glorious ladder; but when
end: the glasses were broken, the the coach took young Alexander out
wheels locked, and all my little sins of sight, the father found how much
began to appear such big ones to me; he loved him, and paced very, very
and the brute kept whipping the horses, slowly home, while Alexander glided
and they plunged so horribly, when a contentedly on towards London.
brave young gentleman sprang to their   Now, " London " means a different
heads, tore them away, and gave her thing to every one of us; to one, it is
nasty coachman such a caning." Here the Temple of Commerce; to another,




ART: A  DRAMATIC TALE.                        239
of Themis; to a third, of Thespis; tacked him on another side; and all
and to a fourth, of the PaphiAn Ve- combined with youth and novelty to
nus; and so on, because we are all raise him to a high key of intellectual
much narrower than men ought to enjoyment; and when the ample curbe. To Nathan Oldworthy it was tain rose, slowly and majestically,
the sacred spot where grin the courts upon Mr. Otway's tragedy of " Venof law. To Alexander it was the sa- ice Preserved," it was an era in this
cred spot where (being from the coun- young life.
try) he thought to find  the nine   Poetry rose from the dead before
Muses in bodily presence, -his fa- his eyes this night.  She lay no longvorite Melpomene at their head. Na- er entombed in -print.  She floated
than knew next to nothing about his around the scene, ethereal, but palown son, a not uncommon arrange- pable. She breathed and burned in
ment. Alexander, upon the whole, heroic shapes, and godlike tones, and
rather loathed law, and adored poetry. looks of fire.
In those days youths had not learned    Presently there glided among the
" to frown in a glass; and write odes other figures one that by enchantto despair," and be dubbed a duck by ment seized the poet's eye, and made
tender beauty confounding sulks with all that his predecessors had ever writ
sorrow. Alexander had to woo the in praise of grace and beauty seem
Muse clandestinely, and so wooed her tame by comparison.
sincerely. He went with a manuscript   She spoke, and his frame vibrated
tragedy in his pocket called " Bere- to this voice. All his senses drank
nice," which he had rewritten and in her great perfections, and he
reshaped three several times; with a thrilled with wonder and enthusiastic
head full of ideas, and a heart turned joy, that this our earth contained such
to truth, beauty, and goodness. Ar- a being. He seemed to see the Eve
rived there, he was installed in the of Milton, with Madonna's glory
neighborhood, and under the secret crowning her head, and immortal
surveillance, of his father's friend, music gushing from her lips.
Timothy Bateman, Solicitor of Gray's   The lady was, in point of fact, Mrs.
Inn.                                Oldfield, - the Belvidera of the play.
If you had asked Alexander Old-   Alexander thought he knew " Venworthy, upon the coach, who is the ice Preserved" before this; but he
greatest of mankind, his answer would found, as the greatest wits must subhave been instantaneous, a true poet! mit to discover, that in the closet a
But the first evening he spent in Lon- good play is but the corpse of a play;
don raised a doubt of this in his mind, the stage gives it life.  (The printed
for he discovered a being brighter, no- words of a play are about one third
bier, truer, greater, than even a poet. of a play; the tones and varying meloAt four Alexander reached Lon- dies of beautiful and artful speech are
don. At five lhe was in his first the- another third; and the business, gesatre.                               ture, and that great visible story, the
That sense of the beautiful which expression of the speaking, and the
belongs to genius made him  see dumb play of the silent actors, are
beauty in the semicircular sweep of another third.)
the glowing boxes; in gilt ornaments   Belvidera's voice, full, sweet, rich,
glorious with light; and, above all, piercing, and melodious, and still in
in human beings gayly dressed, and its vast compass true to the varying
radiant with expectation.  And all sentiment of all she uttered, seemed
these things are beautiful; only gross, to impregnate every line with double
rustic senses cannot see it, and blunt- meaning and treble beauty. Her aued town senses can see it no longer.  thor dilated into giant size and godBefore the play began, music at- like beauty at the touch of that voice.




240                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
And when she was silent she still cheered the forlornest heart.  Nor
spoke to Alexander's eye, for her face was she less charming in the last
was  more  eloquent  than  vulgar act, where Lady  Townley's good
tongcues are. Her dumb-play from the sense being at last alarmed, and her
first to the last moment of the scene good heart touched, she bowed her
was in as high a key as her elocution. saucy head, and begged her Lord's
Had she not spoken one single word, pardon, with tender, unaffected penistill she would have written in the air tence. The tears stood thick in Alexby the side of Otway's syllables a ander's eyes during that charming
great pictorial narrative, that filled all scene, where in a prose comedy the
the chinks of his sketch with most author has had the courage and the
rare and excellent colors of true flesh- beauty to spread his wings and rise in
tint, and made that sketch a picture.  a moment into verse with the rising
Here was a new art for our poet; sentiment.
and as, by that just arrangement   To this succeeded Maria in " The
which pervades the universe, "act- Conjuror," and Indiana in what the
ing " is the most triumphant of all the good souls of that day were pleased
arts, to compensate it for being the to call the comedy of " The Conscious
most evanescent, what wonder that he Lovers," in the course of which comthrilled beneath its magic, and wor- edy Indiana made Alexander weep
shipped its priestess?            more constantly, continuously, and
He went home filled with a new  copiously than in all the tragedies of
sense of being, - all seemed cold, the epoch he had as yet witnessed.
dark, and tame, until he could return    So now Alexander Oldworthy lived
and see this poetess-orator-witch and for the stage; and, as the pearl is the
her enchantments once more.        disease of the oyster, so this Siren beIn those days they varied the enter- came Alexander's disease. The entainments in London almost as they thusiast lost his hold of real life.
do in the provinces now; and Alex- Real life became to him an interlude,
ander, who went to the theatre six  and soon that followed which was to
nights a week, saw Mrs. Oldfield's be expected: the poor novice, who
beauty and talent in many shapes. had begun by adoring the artist, endHer power of distinct personation was ed by loving the woman, and he loved
very great. Her Andromache, her Is- her like a novice and a poet; he
mena, and Belvidera were all differ- looked into his own heart, confounded
ent beings. Also each of her tragic it with hers, and clothed her with
personations left upon the mind a every heroic quality.  He believed
type. One night young Oldworthy her as great in mind and as good
saw majesty, another tenderness, an- in heart, as she  was lovely  in
other fiery passion personified and em- person, and he would have given
bodied in a poetic creation.       poems to be permitted to kiss her
But a fresh surprise was in store dress, or to lay his neck for a moment
for him: the next week comedy hap- under her foot. Burning to attract
pencd to be in the ascendant; and her attention, yet too humble and timMrs. Oldfield, whose entree in charac- id to make an open attempt, he had
ter was always the key-note of her at last recourse to his own art.
personation, sprang upon the stage Every day he wrote verses upon her,
as Lady Townley, and in a moment and sent them to her house. Every
the air seemed to fill with singing night after the play he watched at the
birds that chirped the pleasures of stage door for a glimpse of her as she
youth, beauty, and fashion, in notes came out of the theatre to her carriage,
that sparkled like diamonds, stars, and, being lighter of foot than the carand prisms.  Her genuine gushing riage-horses of his century, he genergayety  warmed  the  coldest  and ally managed to catch another glimpse




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE..241
of her as she stepped from her car- his eyes blazing. " They are gone,
riage into her own house.          madam," said he, with rough timidity.
But anl this led to no results, and The actress looked at him, and smiled
Alexander's heart was often very cold on him, and said, " So I see, sir, and
and sick. Whilst he sat at the play he I am much obleeged to you."  She
was in Elysium; but when, after seeing was then about to draw back to her
this divinity vanish, he returned to his corner, lbut suddenly she reflected,
lodgings and looked at his attach- and, half beckoning Alexander, who
ment by the light of one candle, de- had drawn back, she said, "My dear,
spondency fell like a weight of ice upon learn for me whose carriage that was."
him, and he was miserable till he had Alexander turned to gain the inforwritten her some verses. The verses mation, but it was volunteered by
writ, he was miserable till play-time.  one of the by-standers.
One night he stood as usual at the   "It is the Duchess of Tadcaster's,
stage door after the performance, Mrs. Oldfield."
watching for Mrs. Oldfield, who, in a   "Ah!" cried Mrs. Oldfield, "the
general way, was accompanied by her little beast! " (this polite phrase she
cousin Susan. This night, however, uttered with a most majestic force of
she was alone; and, having seen her sovereign contempt); "thank you,
enter her chariot, Alexander was sir; bid Robert drive me home, my
about to start for her house to see her child" (this to Alexander); on which
get down from  it, when suddenly  a by-stander sang out, "You are to
another carriage came into contact drive home, Robert, - Buckingham
with Mrs. Oldfield's. The collision Gate, the corner house."
was  violent, and  Mrs.  Oldfield   At this sally Mrs. Oldfield smiled
screamed with unaffected te rror, at with perfect composure, but did not
which scream Alexander sprang'to look at the speaker. As the carriage
the horses of the other carriage, and, moved, she leaned gently forward,
seizing one of them just above the and kissed her hand like a queen to
curb, drew him violently back. To Alexander, then nestled into her corhis surprise, instead of co-operating ner and went to sleep.
with him, the adverse  coachman  - Alexander did nothing of the sort
whipped both his horses, and, whether that night. He went home on wings.
by accident or design, the lash fell He could not go in. He walked up
twice on Alexander.  Jehu never and down before his door three hours,
made a worse investment of whip- before he could go to so vulgar a thing
cord. The young man drew himself as bed. As a lover will read over
back upon the pavement, and sprang fifty times six lines of love from the
with a single bound upon the near beloved hand, so Alexander acted
horse's quarters: from thence to the over and over the little scene of this
coach-box. Contemporaneously with night, and dwelt on every tone, word,
his arrival there, he knocked the look, and gesture of the greatcreature
coachman out of his seat on to the who had at last spoken to him,
roof of his carriage, and then seizing smiled on him, thanked him. 0 how
his whip, broke it in one moment into happy he was! he could hardly reala stick, and belabored the prostrate ize his bliss. "My dear," -but had
charioteer till the blood poured from  not his ears deceived him, -had she
him in torrents. Then, springing to really called him  "my dear," and
the ground with one bound, he turned what was he to understand by so unthe horses' heads, belabored them  expected an address. was it on acwith the mutilated whip, and off they count of the service he had just done
trotted gently home.               her, or might he venture to hope she
Alexander ran to Mrs. Oldfield's had noticed his face in the theatre,
carriage window, his cheeks burning, sitting, as he always did, at one place,
11                                          P




242                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
at the side of the second row of the he answered, No! At last good, worpit? but no! ihe rejected that as im- thy, commonplace Bateman, after dinpossible. Whatever she meant by it, ner and deep thought, said one day,
his blood was at her service as well "Alexander, I've found out what it
as his heart. He blessed her with is."  Alexander started.
tears in his eyes for using such heav-   "Money melts in London, yours is
enly words to him in any sense,-  gone quicker than  you thought it
" my dear," "my child."  He framed would, — my poor lad, don't you fret.
these words in his heart.          I've  got ~ 20 to spare, here't is.
Alas! he little thought that "my  Your father will never know. I've
dear" meant literally nothing; he been young as well as you." Alexanwas not aware that calling every liv- der grasped the good old fellow's hand
ing creature " my dear" is one of the and pressed it to his heart. He never
nasty little tricks of the stage, - like looked at the note, but he looked half
their swearing without anger, and tenderly, half wildly into  the old
their shovelling snuff into the nose man's eyes.
without intermission, in the innocent   Bateman  read this look aright.
hope of making every sentence intel- "Ay, out with it, young man," he
lectual, by a dirty thing done mechan- cried, "never keep a grief locked up
ically, and not intellectually. As for in your heart, whilst you have a friend
"my child," that was better, -that that will listen to it; that is an old
was at least a trick of the lady's man's advice."
own, partly caught from her French    On this poor Alexander's story
acquaintances.                     gushed forth. lie told Bateman the
For some days Alexander was in facts I have told you, only his soul,
heaven. He fell upon his tragedy, he and all the feelings he had gone
altered it by the light the stage had through, gushed from  his heart of
given him; above all, he heightened hearts.  They sat till one in the
and improved the heroine, he touched morning, and often as the young heart
her, and retouched her with the colors laid bare its enthusiasm, its youth, its
of Oldfield, - and this done, with anguish, the dry old lawyer found out
trembling hands he wrapped it in there was a soft bit left in his own,
brown paper, addressed it, and left it that sent the woman to the door of
at her own house, and no sooner had his eyes; for Alexander told his story
Susan's hand touched it than he fled differently, and I think on the whole
like a guilty thing.               better than I do. I will just indicate
You see it was his first love, -'and one difference between us two as narshe he loved seemed more than mortal rators, - he told it like blood and fire,
to him.                            I tell it like criticism and ice, and be
And now came a reaction. Days hanged to me.
and days rolled by, and no more ad-   Perhaps, had Alexander told the
ventures came, no means of making tale as I do, Bateman, man of the
acquaintance with one so high above world, would have sneered at him, or
his reach.                         sternly advised him to quit this folly
He was still at the stage door, but and whim; but as it was, Bateman
she did not seem to recognize him, was touched, and mingled pity with
and he dared not recall himself to her good, gentle, but firm advice, and
recollection.  His organization was poor Alexander was grateful. The
delicate, -he began to fret and lose poet revered the commonplace good
his sleep, and at last his pallor and man, as a poet ought, and humbly
listlessness attracted the not very keen prayed him to save him by his wiseye of Timothy Bateman. Mr. Bate- doimn. L-e owned that he was mad;
man asked him  twenty times if any- that he was indulging a hopeless pasthing was the matter, - twenty times sion; that he knew the great trage



ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                       243
dian, courted by the noble and rich of etic), and lastly, bouncing up, he anthe land, would never condescend nounced that he was going to see the
even to an acquaintance with him. hussy, and force her to give up her
And bursting into a passion of tears, Delilah designs.
"0  good Mr. Bateman! " cried he,   At this poor Bateman was in dis"the most unfortunate hour of my may; he represented to this mad bull
life was that in which I first saw her, that Mrs. Oldfield was "on  the
for she will be my death, for she will windy side of the law," that there
never permit me to live for her, and were no proofs she had done anywithout her life is intolerable to me." thing more than every woman would
This last feature decided Timothy do if she was clever enough, viz. turn
Bateman;  the next morning  he every man's head; he next reminded
wrote to Nathan Oldworthy a full ac- him of her importance, and implored
count of all. "Come up and take him at least to be prudent.  "My
him home again, fo II Heaven's sake." dear friend," said he, "'there are at
It fell like a thunderbolt on the least a score of gentlemen in this
poor father, but he moved promptly; town, who would pass their swords
in two hours he was on- the road to through an old attorney, as they
London.                           would through a mad dog, only to
Arrived there, he straight invaded have a smile or a compliment from
Alexander.  The poet, luckily for this lady."
himself, was not at home. He then   This last argument was ill chosen.
went to Bateman: he was in a tower- The old Puritan was-game to the
ing passion.                       backbone; he flung Mrs. Oldfield's
The old Puritanical leaven was champions a grim grin of defiance,
scotched, but not killed, in Coventry. and marched out to invade that lady,
In a general way, Nathan looked and save his offspring.
on love as no worse than one of the   Now, the said Mrs. Oldfield, wishEvil One's many snares, to divert ing to be very quiet, because she was
youth from law, — but love of an ac- preparing to play for the championtress!  If you had asked Coventry ship of the stage, and was studying
whether the Play-House or the Pub- Statira, had given her footman orlie-House ruins the manners, moral- ders to admit no living soul, upon
ity, and intellect of England, Coven- any pretence.
try was capable of answering, " The   Oldworthy, who had heard in CovPlay-House."  He raged against the entry that people in London are alfool and the jade, as he succinctly, ways at home if their servants say
and not inaptly, described a dramatic they are out, pushed past the man;
poet and an actress.              the man followed him remonstrating.
His friend endeavored to stop the When they reached the antechamber,
current of his wrath, in vain; the at- he thought it was time to do more, so
tempt only diverted its larger cur- he laid his hand on the intruder's
rent from Alexander to the Siren who collar; - then ensued a short but
had fascinated him. In vain Bateman very brisk scuffle; -the ladies heard, to
assured him that affairs had proceed- their dismay, a sound as of a footed to no length between the parties; man falling from the top to the botthe other snubbed him, called him a tom of a staircase; and the next mofool, said he knew nothing of the ment, in jackboots, splashed with
world, and assured him that, if any- travel, an immense hat of a fashion
thing came of it, she should have long gone by, his dark cheek flushed
nothing from  the Oldworthys but with anger, and his eyes shooting
thirty pence per week, the parish al- sombre lightning from  under their
lowance (Nathan's ideas of love were thick  brows, Nathan  Oldworthy
as primitive as Alexander's were po- strode like wildfire into the room.




244                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
Susan screamed, and Anne turned   "The very day the poor boy came
pale, but, recovering herself, she said, here," resumed Nathan, " there was a
with a wonderful show  of spirit, tragedy play; so, because a woman
"How dare you intrude on me? -  sighed and burned for sport, the fool
Keep close to me, stupid!" was her goes home and sighs and burns in eartrembling aside to Susan.         nest, can't eat his victuals, flings away
"I'm used to enter people's houses, his prospects, and thinks of nothing
whether they will or not," was the but this Nance Oldfield."
gruff reply.                         He uttered this appellation with
"Your business, sir?" said Mrs. rough contempt; and had the actress
Oldfield, with affected calmness.  been a little one, this descent to Nance
" It is not fit for that child to hear," Oldfield would have mortified or enwas the answer.                    raged her. But its effect on the great
Anne Oldfield was wonderfully in- Oldfield was different, and somewhat
telligent, and even in this remark she singular; she opened her lovely eyes
saw the man, if a barbarian, was not on him.  "Nance Oldfield'!" cried
a ruffian at bottom. She looked to- she; "IO sir! nobody has called me
wards Susan.                       that name since I left my little native
Susan, interpreting her look, de- town."
clined to leave her alone " with,   "t Have n't they, though? " said
with -"                            the rough customer, more gently, re" A brute, I suppose," said Nathan, sponding to her heavenly tones, rathcoarsely.                          er than to the sentiment, which he in
The artist measured the man with no degree comprehended.
her eye.                             "No! " said Oldfield, with an ill" He who feels himself a brute is on used 2Eolian-harp note.
the way to be a man," said she, with   Here the attorney began to suspect
genuine dignity; so saying, she dis- she was diverting him from the point,
missed Susan with a gesture.       and with a curl of the lip, and a fine
"You are the play-acting woman, masculine contempt for all subterare n't. you? " said he.         fuges not on sheepskin, — " You had
"I am the tragedian, sir," replied better say you do not know all this,"
she, " whose time is precious."    cried he.
"I'11 lose no time, -I'm  an at-   "Not I," was the reply.  "My
torney, - the first in Coventry. I'm  good sir, your son has left you to conNathan Oldworthy. My son's educa- fide to me the secret of his attachtion has been given him  under my  ment: you have discharged the comown eye, - I taught him the customs mission, Sir Pandarus of Troy," addof the country, and the civil law. He ed she, with a world of malicious fun
is to be a sergeant-at-law, and a ser- in her jewel-like eye.
geant-at-law he shall be -"          "Nathan Oldworthy of Coventry,
"I consent, for one," said Oldfield, I tell ye!" put in the angry sire.
demurely.                            "And it is now my duty to put
" And then we can play into one some questions to you," resumed
another's hands, as should be."   the actress.  "Is your son hand"I have no opposition to offer to some?" said she, in a sly half-whisthis pretty little scheme of the Old per.
Somethings, - father and son."       "Is not he?"  answered gaunt
"Oldworthys!   no   opposition! simplicity, "and well built too, - he
when he has n't been once to West- is like me, they say."
minster, and every night to the play-   "There is a point on which I am
house."                            very particular. Has he nice teeth?
"Oh!" said the lady, "I see! the - upon your honor, now."
old story."                          "White as milk, ma'am; and a




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                         245
smile that warms your heart up; fresh "My soul hangs trembling on that magic
color;  there's not such a lad in         voice,
Here the old boy caught  Grieves with your woe, exults when you reCoventry."  Here the old boy caught      joice;
sight of a certain poetical epistle,  A golden chain I feel, but cannot see,
which, if you remember, was in Mrs.  Binds earth to Heaven, - it ties my heart
Oldfield's hands.                        to thee,
Like a sunflower, etc., etc.
"And pray, madam," said he, with
smooth craft, "does Alexander Old-   " What do you call that, eh? "
worthy never write to you? "          "Why, honey dropping from the
" Never! " was her answer.       comb," said the astounded lawyer, to
" She says never! " thundered Na- whom the art of speech was entirely
than, " and there is his letter in her unknown, until that moment, as it is
very hand,- a superb handwriting; to millions of the human race. " It
what a waste of talent to write to you is honey dropping from  the comb,"
with it, instead of engrossing; what repeated Nathan.  "I see, he has
does the fool say? " and he snatched been and bought it ready made, and
the letter rudely from her, and read it has cost him  a pretty penny, no
out poor Alexander, with the lungs doubt.  So now his money's going
of a Stentor.                       to the dogs, too."
Gracious me! if I was puzzled to    "And these sentiments, these acshow the reader how  Susan read the cents of poetry and truth, that have
Mannering prose, how on earth shall reached my heart, this daily homage,
I make him hear and see Oldworthy that would flatter a queen, do I owe
Pbere read Oldworthy Fils, his rhymes; it to your son?  O sir! "
but I will attempt a faint adumbra-   " Good gracious heavens!" roared
tion, wherein, Glorious Apollo! from  the terrified father; "don't you go
on high befriend us!               and fall in love with him; and, now
"My soul'hangs trembling," -  I think on't, that is what I have been
(full stop.)  " On that magic voice, working for ever since I came here.
grieves with your woe," - (full stop.) Cut it short. I came for my son, and
" Exults when you rejoice. A gold- I will have him  back, if you please.
en chain,"- (Here he cast a look of Where is he?"
perplexity.) " I feel but cannot see,"    "How can I know  " said the lady,
-(here he began to suspect Alcxan- pettishly.
der of insanity.)   " Binds earth to    "Why, he follows  you everyHeaven," - (of impiety, ditto.) "It where."
ties my heart to thee like a sunflow-   " Except here, where he never will
er."  And now the reader wore the follow me, unless his father teaches
ill-used look of one who had been him housebreaking under the head of
betrayed into a labyrinth of unmean- civil law."
ing syllables; but at this juncture,   At this sudden thrust, Oldworthy
thanks to his sire, Alexander Old- blushed.   "Well, ma'am!"  stamworthy began to excite Mrs. Old- mered he, "I was a little precipitate;
field's interest.                    but, my good lady, pray tell me,
"And that poetry is his?" said when did you last see him  "
the actress.                           "I never saw him  at all, which I
"Poetry?  no! How could my son regret," added she, satirically; "bewrite poetry?  I'll be hanged if't cause you say he resembles his fais n't though, for all the lines begin ther."   Nathan was a particularly
with a capital letter."             ugly dog.
Oldfield took the paper from him.   " She is very polite," thought Na"Listen," said she, and, with a heav- than.  "But," objected he, civilly,
enly  cadence and  expression, she "you must have learned from his letspoke the lines thus -              ters."




246                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
" That they are not signed! " said   "Now, why did you not begin wt-il
she, handing the poetical epistle to that? it would have saved your time
him, with great significance.      and mine. Favor me with your atMr. Nathan Oldworthy began now  tention, sir, for a moment," said the
to doubt whether he was sur le bon fine lady, with grave courtesy.
terrain in his present proceedings   "I will, madam," said the other,
and the error in which lihe had detect- respectfully.
ed himself made him suddenly sus-   " Mr. Oldworthy, first you are to
pect his judgment and general re- observe, that I have, by the constituport on another head.  " What an tions of these realms, as much right
extraordinary thing!" said he, blunt- to fall in love with your son, or even
ly. "Perhaps you are an honest wo- with yourself, as he or you have to do
man after all, ma'am!"            with me;"
" Sir!" said Oldfield, with a most   " So you have, I never thought of
tragic air.                        that; but don't ye do it, for Heaven's
"I ask your pardon, ma'am! I sake, if't is n't done already."
ask your pardon! " cried the other,   "But I should have been inclined,
terrified by the royal pronunciation  even before your arrival, to waive that
of this monosyllable. " Country man- right, out of regard for my own interners, ma'am! that is all!  We do est and reputation, especially the forspeak so straightforward downin Cov- mer: and now you have won my
entry."                            heart, and I enter into your feelings,
" Yes! but if you speak so straight- and place myself at your service - "
forward here, you will be sent to Cov-   " You are.very good, madam!
entry."                            Now, why do they go and run play"I'll take care not, madam! I'11 actors down so?"
take great care not! " said the other,   " You are aware, sir, that we playhastily. Then he paused, - a light actors have not an idea of our own in
rose gradually to his eyes. "Sent to our skulls: our art is to execute
Coventry! ha! haw! ho! But, mad- beautifully the ideas of those who
am, this love will be his ruin: it will think: now, you are a man of busirob him of his profession, which he ness; you will therefore be pleased to
detests, and of a rich heiress whom  give me your instructions, and you
he can't abide! Since I came here, I shall see those instructions executed
think better of play-actors; but, con- better than they are down in Covensider, madam, we don't like our blood try. You want me to prevent your
to come down in the world!"        son from  loving me!  I consent.
" It would be cruel to lower an attor- Tell me how to do it."
nay," replied the play-actress, looking    " Madam!" said Nathan; "you
him demurely in the face.          have put your finger on the very
"You are considerate, madam!" point!  What a lawyer you would
replied  he, gratefully. He added, have made! Madam, I thank you!
with manly compunction, " More so, Very well, then you must — but, no,
I fear, than I have deserved."     that will make him  worse, perhaps.
" Mais! il me ddsarme cet homme! " And again, you can't leave off playcried the sprightly Oldfield, ready to ing, can you? because that is your
scream with laughter.              business you know, - dear me! Ah!
"Areyou speaking tome, ma'am?" I'll tell you how to bring it about.
said Nathan, severely.             Let me see - no! —yes! -no! drat
"No, that was an' aside.' Go on, it! "
my good soul!"                      "Your instructions are not suffi"'Then forgive the trouble, the agi- ciently clear, sir! " suggested Mrs.
tation, of a father: his career, his Oldfield.
happiness, is in danger."            " Well, madam! it is not so easy




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        247
as I thought, and I don't see what   "Has n't he? the dear-idiot!"
instructions I am to give you, until said the parent.
- until - "                           "Is he waiting for you, sir? " said
" Until I tell you what to tell me, she, with affected simplicity.
- that's fair.  Well, give me a day    "No," replied he, with zeal; "it's
to think. I am  so busy now. I you he is waiting for."
must play my best to-night! "       Alexander began to walk slowly
"But he'11 be there," said Nathan, past the house, looking up to heaven
in dismay; "you'll play your best: every now and then for inspiration,
you'11 burn him to a cinder. I'11 go and then looking down and scribbling
to him."  He ran to the window, in- a bit, like a hen drinking, you know;
forming his companion that, for the and, thus occupied, he stalked to and
first time in his life, he was going to fro, passing and repassing beneath
take a coach. But he had no sooner the criticising eyes, - at sight of
arrived at the window, than he made which pageant a father's fingers bea sudden point, and beckoned the lady gan to work, and, " Madam," said he,
to him, without removing his eyes with a calmness too marked to be
from some object on which he glared genuine, " do let me fling one little
down, with a most singular expression - chair at his silly head."
of countenance. She came to his   "No, indeed."
side. He directed her eyes to the ob-   "A pillow, then?"
ject.  "Look there, ma'am! look    "0 Lud, no!-you don't know
there!"  She peeped, and, standing  these boys, sir! he would take that as
by a hosier's shop, at the corner of an overture of affection from  the
the street, she descried a young man, house. Stay: will you obey me, or
engaged as follows: His hat was in will you not  "
his hand, and on the hat was a little    "Of course I will! —how can I
piece of paper. He was alternately help? " and he grinned with horrible
writing on this, and looking upward amiability.
for inspiration.                     "Then I will cure your son."
" Is that he? " whispered Mrs. Old-   " You will, you promise me? "
field.                               " On the honor of — a play-actor  "
"Yes! that's your man, — bare- and she offered him, with a world of
headed, looking up into the sky, and grace, the loveliest hand going at
does n't see how it rains."        that era.
"But he's very handsome, Mr.   " Of an angel,' I think," said the
Oldworthy, and you said he was like subjugated barbarian.
- hem! yes, he is very handsome."   Mrs. Oldfield then gave him  a
" Is n't he, madam!"            short sketch of the idea that had ocHe was handsome, -his rich chest- curred to her. " Your son, sir," said
nut curls flowed down his neck in she, "is in love by the road of imagimasses; his face was oval; his eyes nation and taste, - he has seen upon
full of color and sentiment; and in the stage a being more like a poet's
him the purple light of youth was dream than any young woman down
brightened by the electric light of ex- in Coventry, - and he overrates her;
pression and charming sensibility.    I will contrive that in ten minutes he
The strangely assorted pair in our shall underrate her. I will also find
scene held on by one another, the means to wound his vanity, which is
better to inspect the young poet, who inordinate in all his sex, and gigantic
little thought what a pair of critics in the versifying part of it; and
were in store for him.             then,.sir, I promise you that your
" What a bright, intelligent look son's love, so fresh, so fiery, so lofty,
the silly goose has!" said the ac- so humble, will either turn to hatred
tress.                             or contempt, or else quietly evap



248                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
orate like a mist, and vanish like a caught the sound of that window
morning dream. Ah! " — (and she opening; he instantly cowered against
could not help sighing a little).  the wall, hoping this happy day to.
Susan was then called, and directed see the form he loved, himself unseen,
to show Mr. Nathan Oldworthy out when, to his immeasurable surprise,
the back way, that he might avoid a beautiful girl put her head out of
the encounter of his son. The said the window, and called softly to him.
Nathan, accordingly, marched  slap He took no notice, because it was inaway, in four great strides; but the audible. She had to repeat the call
next moment the door burst open, before he could realize his good forand he returned in four more, - he tune; the signal, however, was untook up a position opposite his fair mistakable, and soon after the door
entertainer, and, with much gravity, opened, and there was pretty Susan,
executed a solemn, but marvellously  blushing. Alexander ran to her, she
grotesque bow, intended to express opened the door wider, he entered,
gratitude and civility; this done, he believing in magic for the first time.
recovered  body, and  strode  away  Susan took him up stairs -- he said
again, slap-dash.                  nothing, — he could not, — she did
not speak, because she thought he
ought to. At last they reached a
Spirits like Alexander's are greatly richly furnished room, where Statira's
depressed and greatly elevated with- dress lay upon a chair, and a theatrical
out proportionate change in the ex- diadem  upon a table. Alexander's
ternal causes of joy and grief. It is heart leaped at sight of these; he
theirs to view the same set of facts, knew, then, where he was; he turned
rose-color one day, lurid another. hot and cold, and tremnbled violently.
Two days ago, Alexander had been The first word Susan said did not
in despondence; to-day hope was in calm his agitation. "There is a lady
the ascendant, and his destiny ap- here," said she, "who has something
peared to him all bathed in sunshine. to say to you."
He was rich in indistinct but gay   Now it must be remembered that
hopes; these hopes had whispered to Susan considered Alexander her unhim  that,'after all, an alliance he- doubted property; and when she was
tween a dramatic poet and a tragedian  told to introduce him, she could not
was a natural one,  that perhaps, on help thinking how kind it was of her
reflection, she he loved might not cousin to take her part, and bring to
think it so very imprudent. He felt the point a young gentleman who,
convinced she had read "Berenice," charming in other respects, appeared
- she would see the alterations in to her sadly deficient in audacity.
the heroine's part, and that love had " Sit down," said Susan, smiling.
dictated them. She would find there   0 no! he could not sit down here!
was one being that comprehended Susan pitied his timidity and his
her.  That, and his versess would discomposure; and, to put both him
surely plead his cause.  Then he and herself out of pain the sooner,
loved her so,- who could love her she left him and went to announce
as he did? Some day she would feel his presence to her cousin and guarthat no heart could love her so,-  dian, as she now considered her.
and then he would say to her, " I am    Alexander was left alone, to all
truth and nature, - you are beauty  appearance; in reality, he was in a
and music; united, we should con- crowd, - a crowd of " thick-coming
quer the world, and be the worlfl to fancies."  He was to breathe the
one anotherd "  Poor boy!          same air as she, to be by her side,
He was walking and dreaming thus whom the world adored at a distance;
beneath her window, when his ear he was to see her burst on him like




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        249
the sun, and to feel more strongly good nature, "you want,an order for
than ever how far Ihis verse fell short the pit?"
of the goddess who inspired it; he   "I want an order for the pit?"
half wished to retreat from his too gasped Alexander, faintly.
great happiness. Suddenly a rustle   " Well, ain't I going to give you
in the apartment awakened him from  one," answered she, as sharp as a
his rich revery; he looked up, and needle; "but mind, you must -"
there was a lady with her eyes fixed here  she imitated  vehement apon him.                            plause.
The lady had on what might, with-   " 0 madam! I need no such inout politeness, but with truth, be junction," cried Alexander; "each of
called a dressing-gown; it was os- your achievements on the stage seems
tentatiously large everywhere, espe- to be greater than the last."  Then,
cially at the waist. The lady's hair, trembling, blushing, and eloquent as
or what seemed her hair, was rough, fire, he poured out his admiration of
and ill done up, and a great cap of her, and her great art * " The others
flaunty design surmounted her head. are all puppets, played by rule around
On her feet were old slippers.     you, the queen of speech and poetry;
" Good day, sir! " said she, dryly.  your pathos is so true, your sensibility
Alexander bowed.   "Madam, I so profound; yours are real tears;
wait Mrs. Oldfield."               you lead our sorriow in person; you
"'ete-i-te'te with  your muse." fuse your soul into those great charAlexander's poetical works were in acters, and art becomes nature. You
her hand.                          are the thing you seem, and it is plain
" She is my muse, madam!" re- each lofty emotion passes through that
plied he; "she alone. Are you not princely heart on its way to those
proud of her, madam? for I see by golden lips!"
your likeness that you are some rela-   Oldfield, with all her self-command,
tion."                             could not quite resist the eloquence of
The lady burst out laughing. the heart and brain. She, too, now
"That's a compliment to my theatri- blushed a little, and her lovely bosom
cal talent; I am the party."       heaved slowly, but high, as the poet
" You Mrs. Oldfield! the great poured the music of his praise into
Mrs. Oldfield! "                   her ears; then she stole a look at him
" Why not?  What, you come from under her long lashes, and sipped
from  the country, I suppose, and his beauty and his freshness. She
think we are to be always on the could not help looking at this forbidstilts, when we are not paid for it. den fruit. As she looked, she did feel
You look as if you were afraid of how hard, how cruel it was, that she
me."                               was not to be allowed to play with this
"0 no, madam; and, as you say, young, fresh heart; to see it throb
it shows how great your talent is."   with hopes and fears, and love, jeal"You want to speak to me, my ousy, anguish, joy, and finally to break
lad."                              it, and fling the pieces to the Devil;
Alexander blushed to the temples. but she was a singular character,"Yes, madam!" faltered he, "you she was the concentrated essence of
have divined my ambition. I have female in all points, except one: she
been presumptuous, — but I saw you was a woman of her word, or, as some
on the tragic scene, - the admiration brutes would say, no woman at all
you inspired, — I fear I have impor- in matters of good faith. She stood
tuned you, - but my hope, my irre- pledged to the attorney, and therefore,
sistible desire -"                 recovering herself, she took up Alex" There, I know what you mean," ander thus:said she, with an affectation of vulgar   "No, thank you, emotions pass
11



250                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
through my — what's the name -  band, if he chose, secure of this, that,
well, you are green- you don't come whether a fortunate or unfortunate
from  the country -you are from  lover, there would be companions of
Wales.  I must enlighten you; sit his fate. Then, suddenly interrupting
down, sit down, I tell you. The tears her disclosures, she offered him a snuffmy boy, are as real as the rest, - as box, and said dryly, " D' ye snuff? "
the sky, and that's pasteboard, - as   Alexander's eye dilated with horthe sun, and lie is three candles, ror. She observed him, and explained,
smirking upon all nature, which is  "There's no doing without it, in our
canvas, -they are as real as our- business, we get so tiredl!"  Here she
selves, the tragedy queens, with our yawned as only actresses yawn, -
cries, our sighs, and our sobs, all like one going out of the world in
measured out to us by the* five-foot four pieces. " We get so tired of the
rule.   Reality, young  gentleman, whole concern; this is the real source
that begins when the curtain falls, -  of our inspiration," said she, taking
and we wipe off our profound sensibil- a pinch, " or how should we ever rise
ity along with our rouge, our whiting, to the poet's level, and launch all
and our beauty spots."             those awful execrations they love so?
"Impossible! " cried  the  poet; as, for instance, - Ackishoo i - God
"those tears, those dew-drops on the bless you!"
tree of poetry!"                    Alexander groaned aloud.
He was requested not to make her   " Poor boy! " thought his tormen"die of laughing" with his tears; tor, "how he takes it to heart!"
his common sense was appealed to.   "Why, ma'am, a fall from heaven
" Now, my good soul, if I was to vex to earth is a considerable descent."
myself night after night for Clytem-   "You look pale, my child," renestra and Co., don't you see that I sumed the tormentor.  "No breakshould not hold together long? No, fast, perhaps. I'd offer you some in
thank you! I've got' Nance Old- a minute, but the fact is, you must
field' to take care of, and what's forgive me; but I look to every penHecuba to her? For my part," con- ny; when the rainy day comes I shall
tinnued this frank lady, "I don't un- be ready "; and she brought both
derstand half the authors give us to hands down upon her knees, in a
say."                              way the imitated vulgarity of which
"' 0 yes, you do! you write upon would have made any one scream
our eyes and ears more than half ot with laughter that had  seen her
all the author gains credit for, - the game; but it was all genuine to our
noblest sentiments gain more from  poor poet, and crushed him.
your tongue than the pen, great as it   Having opened this vein of self-deis, could ever fling upon paper, —I preciation, she proceeded to work it.
am unworthy to be your companion!" She poked him with one finger, and,
"Nonsense! do you really think I looking slyly with half-shut eye at
am like those black parrots of trage- him, she announced herself the audy? - fine company I should be!-  thoress of some very curious calculahe, he! No! we are like other wo- tions, the object of which was to dismen, you can court us without get- cover, by comparing the week's salary
ting a dagger stuck into you."  She with the lines in the night's performthen informed him that the represen- ance, the. exact value of poetical
tatives of Desdemona, Belvidera, Cor- passages, generally supposed to be
delia, and Virgin Purity in general invaluable. "Listen," said she:had all as many beaux as they could       I"' Come! come, you spirits
lay their hands on, —that she had That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me
twenty at the present moment: that      here!'
he could join that small but select They are just worth tenpence!"




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        25 1
Alexander, who had been raised by   "Berenice!" cried the actress, with
the poetry, was depressed greatly by a start.
its arithmetic.                      Now this tragedy had pleased Mrs.
She recommenced: —               Oldfield more than any manuscript
she had seen these three years; but,
"That my keen knife see not the wound it, above all, the part of " Berenice " had
makes,                        charmed her; it fitted her like a glove,
Nor heaven peep through the blanket of as she poetically expressed herself; it
the dark,
To cry, Hold!h ho! —Great Glamis! wor- was written in Alexander's copperthy Cawdor!"                 plate hand, so she had not identified
it with the author of her diurnal
Making the point on " Great Gla- verses.
mis," at Macbeth's entrance, not on   "Berenice! is it possible  "
(' Hold," which is done nowadays,   "A  queen, madam, who, captured
and is too cruel silly.            by the Romans -"
"Ah! you are yourself again,"   "What, sir! you the author of
cried the poet.                    that work? " said she, with sudden
"Yes; I am myself again!" was respect.
the dry answer: "those bring me in    " Favor me with your opinion,"
2s. 8d. every time."               said the sanguine poet.
And this was the being he had    Tremble, Nathan, you had only
adored! He had invested this creature her womanly weakness to dread hithwith his own prismatic hues, and  erto; but now the jade's interest is
taken her for a rainbow.           against you.  Strange to say, her
Mrs. Oldfield told afterwards that promise carried the day; she was true
she felt herself cutting his heart away as steel to Nathan, and remorseless
from her at every sentence. " But it as steel to Alexander. She saw at
was to be done," she continued. " So once that no middle course was now
now you know  my trade, tell me tenable; so she turned on the poor
what is yours? "                  poet, not without secret regret, and,
" One I used to despise, - an advo- with a voice of ice, she said: " The
cate."                             town is tired of Romans, my good
" Ah! a little long robe; they are sir, you had better go into Tartary;
actors, too, only bad ones; but tell besides," added she, jumping at the
me," said she, with a silly coquettish commonplaces of dramatic censure,
manner, borrowed from the comedy "your fable does not march, your
of the day, " what do you want of language wants fire; let me give you
me? You have not followed me so a word of advice, or rather a line of
perseveringly for nothing!  Speak, advice,'Plead, Alexander, ple!ad, and
what have you to tell me?"        rhyme no more!    She then added
Alexander blushed; he had no hastily, in a very different tone and
longer the stimulus to tell her all he manner, " Forgive me, my poor child,
had felt and hoped; he hesitated and you will make more money, and be
stammered; at last he bethought him  more respected."
of his tragedy; so he said: "I sent   The reason of this rapid change of
you a tragedy, madam!"             manner was this: when we have
"What, do they do that in War- given dreadful pain, more pain than
wickshire?"                       we calculated on, and see it, we are
" Yes, madam! I composed it by apt to try and qualify it with a little
stealth in my father's office."    weak, empty good-nature. Now  at
Oldfield smiled.                 her verdict, and her witty line, AlexAlexander  continued:  "It  is ander had turned literally as pale as
called, from the heroine of the play, ashes! The drop of oil she poured
Bereuice!"                        on the deadly wounds she had given




252                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
was no comfort to him; he rose, he gone?" and all that sort of thing.
tried to speak to her, but his lip His speech was rich in topic and
trembled so violently he could not point, and as for emphasis, it was all
articulate; at last he gasped out: emphasis.   He concluded in  this
" Thank you for undeceiving me; wise: " Such injuries as these can
you have taught me your own v-  never be compensated by money; it
value; and m —mine, forgive me, the is ridiculous to talk of money where a
time I have made you waste upon a man has been laid desolate, and thered-dunce."  And then, in spite of all fore I hope, gentlemen of the jury, you
he could do, the tears forced them- will give my unfortunate client three
selves through the poor boy's eyes, thousand pounds damages at the very
and, casting one look of shame and least."
half-reproach upon her, he put his   At each point the orator made, Nahand to his brow, and went discon- than nudged Alexander, as if to say,
solately from the room, and out of " That is how you must do it some
the house.                         day."
Poor fellow! she had made him    As they returned homewards, Atten years older than when, ten min- torney asked Poet how he had been
utes before, he entered that room, all charmed by Mr. Eitherside's elofaith, and poetry, and hope, and love. quence.
Slowly  and  disconsolately,  he   "Eloquence," said-Alexander, wakdragged his heavy steps and heavy ing from his revery. "I heard no elheart home.  His father followed, oquence."
and entered his small apartment with-   "No eloquence! why, he worked
out ceremony.  Nathan found his the defendant like a man beating a
son sitting with his eyes fixed on the carpet."
ground; in a few abrupt words he   Nathan recapitulated Mr. Eithertold him he knew all about his amor- side's points.
ous folly, and had come up to cure   "Well, father," was the languid
it.                                reply, "this shows me that people
"It is cured," said Alexander; who would speak about the heart
"she has cured me herself."        should speak from the heart. I heard
"Then she is an honest woman," something like a terrier dog barking,
cried Nathan. " So now, since that that is all I remember."
nonsense is over, take my arm and we   "A terrier dog! one of the first
will go down to Westminstr."       counsel in the land! But there, you
"Yes, father."                   come to your dinner. I won't be in
They went to Westminster; they a passion with you, if I can help, beentered a court of law, and were so cause —you'll be better after dinfortunate as to hear an interesting ner."
trial. Counsel for the plaintiff was   Nathan's satisfaction at his son's
just opening a crim. con,. case.   sudden cure was soon damped.  AlThe advocate dwelt upon the sa- exander was not better after dinner:
cred feelings outraged by the seducer, to be sure this might. have been owon the irremediable gap that had been  ing to his having eaten none; he
made in a house and in a human could not eat, and never volunteered
heart; the pitiable, doubt that had a word, only, when spoken to three
been cast over those sacred parental times, he shook himself and answered
affections, which were all that now  with a visible effort, and then nestled
remained to the bereaved husband. into silence again.  The next and
He painted the empty chamber, the following days matters were worse.
vacant place by the hearth, and the Spite of all Nathan could do to move
father dagger-struck by little voices him, he sank into a cold, listless
lisping, "Papa, where is mamma melancholy.   About five  o'clock




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                        253
(play-time) he used to be very rest- knees, or I'll kee —kee-kick you into
less and nervous for a little while, the fi-fire! " gulped he; " that is
and then relapse into stone. And right,- that's a dear boy: now tell
now Nathan began to ask himself me what has the poor lady done?  I
what the actress had done to his son can't think she is such a very bad
during that short interview between one."
them. He began greatly to doubt   "She has robbed herself and me
the wonderful cure, or rather to fear of the tints with which I had investthat the first poison had been at- ed her, and shown herself to me in..
tacked by a stronger, in the way of her true colors."
antidote, which had left his son in    "Why, you mustn't tell me she
worse case than before.            paints her face without't is with cold
Hitherto he had thought it wisest water."
to avoid the subject, and silently ex-   "0 no! not that, but off the stage
pel the boy's folly by taking him and she is a mean, vulgar, bad woman."
shaking him, and keeping him from    "I can't think that of her, Alexanthinking of it. But now one even- der."
ing, as he looked at Alexander's pal-   " Father, I have no words to tell
lid, listless countenance, his anxiety you her vulgarity, her avarice, her
got the better of his plan, and he stupidity,- as for her beauty, it is
could not help facing,.the obnoxious all paint and artifice, father. I saw
topic.                             her this day se'night in her own
After a vain attempt or two to in- house; she is vulgar, and dirty, and
terest the poet in other matters, he almost ugly."
suddenly burst out: "What is the   "0  you deceitful young rascal,
matter, Alexander? What has she you know she is beautiful as an andone to you now?"                 gel! "
Alexander winced.                  "Is n't she, sir!- ah! you have
" Tell me, my boy," said Nathan, only seen her on the stage - "
more gently.                         "I see her on the stage! What,
Alexander eclata.                do you tell me I go to the playhouse!
"She has deceived me.  She has I never was in a playhouse in my
robbed my heart of all its wealth. life."
O, I would rather have gone on be-   " Then how do you know she is
lieving- her all that is great and good, beautiful?  Where have you seen
though inaccessible to me!  But to her, if not on the stage'2 "
find my divinity a mean, heartless   Mr. Oldworthy senior hesitated.
slattern. To find that I have poured He did not choose his son to know
all my treasures away forever upon he had visited the play-actress, and
an unworthy object. 0 father! I do enlisted her in his cause.
not grieve so much that she is worth-   Alexander saw his hesitation, and
less, but that I thought her worthy. misinterpreted it ludicrously.
To me she was the jewel of the earth.   "Ah, father," cried he, " do not be
I know her now for a vile counterfeit, ashamed of it."
and I have wasted my affections on   " I am not, - ashamed of what? "
this creature, and now I have none   " Would I were worthy of all this
left for any worthy object; scarcely affection!"
for my father. See my conduct to   " What affection?"
you all this week.  Heaven forgive   "That you have for the unfortume,- and you forgive me, sir. I nate."
feel I am no son to you.  I am lost!   "I have no affection for the unI am lost!"                       fortunate; it's always tieir own
" Alexander,  don't be a fool," fault."
roared Nathan;  "get up off your   "If you know how I honor you for




254                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
this, you would not deny or be him love her,- she made him hate
ashamed of it."                   her; ask her to make him  to do
"Of what? Are we talking rid- something between the two."
dles."                              "Why, you old fool!" was the
"Do not attempt to disguise what civil retort, " you are as mad as he is.
gives you a fresh title to my grat- No! she almost bewitched me, for as
itude,- it was curiosity to see my old as I am; and I won't go near her
destroyer drew you thither. Ah, it again."
must have been the day before yester-   But Alexander got -worse and
day. I remember you disappeared worse.  He drooped like a tender
after dinner. Well, father," contin- flower.  He had lost appetite and
ned Alexander, with a sad, sweet, sleep; and without them the body
melancholy accent, "you  saw  her soon gives way.
play'Monimia' that night, and hay-   His grief was of the imagination.
ing seen her you can forgive my in- But the distinction muddleheads draw
fatuation."                        between real and imaginary griefs is
" No! i can't forgive your infatua- imaginary. Whatever robs a human
tion, obstinate toad! that will tell me unit of rest, nourishment, and,life, is
I have been to the playhouse, -rto as real to him as anything but eterthe Devil's own shop parlor, that is." nity itself is real.
"You have seen her,- you call   The old mensaw a subtle disorder
her beautiful, therefore it is clear you creeping over the young man.  It
have seen her at the theatre, for at was incomprehensible to them; and
home she is anything but beautiful or after ridiculing it awhile, they began
an angel."                         to be more frightened at it than if
" Alexander, you will put me in a they had comprehended it.
passion; but I won't be put in a   At last, one fine morning, a new
passion."  So saying, the old gentle- phase presented itself. A great desire
man, who was in a passion, marched for solitude consumed our poor poet.
slap out of the house into the moon- All human beings were distasteful to
light and cooled himself therein.  him, and, his mind being in a diseased
On his return he found his son sit- state, Nathan and Timothy bored him
ting in a sort of collapse by the fire, like red-hot gimlets, - the truth must
and all his endeavors to draw him  be told. Well, this particular mornfrom brooding over his own misery ing they would not let him alone, —
proved unavailing. The next day he and so he wantedjust to be left in
was worse, if possible; and when peace, - and partly from nervousness,
play-time had come and gone, and partly from  irritation, partly from
Nathan was in the middle of a long misery, the poet lost all self-command,
law-case that he was relating for his and, I am sorry to say, cursed and
son's amusement, Alexander, who swore, and vowed he would kill himhad not spoken for hours, quietly self, and called his friends his torasked Nathan what he thought about mentors, and wept and raved and
suicide, and whether it was really a cursed the hour he was born. And
crime to die when hope was dead, at the end of this most unbecoming
and life withered forever. Nathan tirade he was for dashing out of the
gave a short, severe answer to this house; but his father caught him by
query; but it troubled him.       the collar, and whirled him back into
He began to be frightened: he con- his room, and locked him into it.
sulted Bateman. Bateman was equal- Alexander fell into a chair, and buried
ly puzzled; but at last the latter hit his face in his hands; presently he
upon an idea. " Go to the actress heard something that made him feel
again," said he; "it seems she can how selfish his grief had been. He
do anything with him. She made heard a deep sigh just outside the




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                       255
door, and then a heavy step went her clothes for the theatre, then to
down the stair.                    dine, then to study, then to go to the
" Father!" cried-he, " forgive me! theatre, then to dress, then to act with
O, forgive me!"                   all the intoxications of genius, light,
It was too late. All who give a multitude, and applause, then to unparent pain repent; but how often it dress, sup, etc.; and all this time she
is too late!                       was. constantly flattered and courted
The poor old man was gone, as un- by dozens of beaux and wits. Had
happy as his son, and with more solid she been capable of a deep attachreason. He went into the street, ment, it could not have monopolized
without knowing what he should do her as Alexander's did his. However,
or where he should go.             she did thus much for our poor poet;
It happened at this moment that when she found she had succeeded in
Bateman's advice came into his head. banishing him, she went into her tanHe was less disposed to scout it now. trums, and snapped at and scratched'It can do no harm," thought he, everybody else that was kind to her.
"and I am quite at a loss. She has She also often invited Susan to speak
a good heart, I think, and at all events of him, and after a while snubbed her
she seems to know how to work on and forbade the topic.
him, and I don't. I'll risk it."     To-day, then, as Mrs. Oldfield sat
So, hanging his head, with no very studying " The Rival Queens," sudgood will, he slowly wended his way denly she heard a sob, and there was
towards Mrs. Oldfield's house.    Susan, with the tears quietly and
When Alexander left Mrs. Oldfield, without effort streaming from her
that lady took off her vulgar cap and eyes, like the water running through
the old wig with which she had dis- a lockgate. Susan had just returned
guised her lovely head, and, throwing from a walk.
herself into a chair, laughed at the   "What have you done?" whined
piece of comedy she had played off on Susan. "I have just met him, and
our poor poet.                    he said to me,' Ah, madam!' he
Her laugh, however, was not sin- always calls me madam, and he has
cere; it soon died away into some- lost his beautiful color, —he is misthing more like a sigh.           erable, - and I am miserable."
The next morning there was no   "Well!" snapped Anne, "and am
letter in verse, and she missed it. She I not miserable too! Why, Susan,"
had become used to them, and was cried she, for a glimmering of light
vexed to think she had put an end to burst on her, "surely you are not
them. On returning from the theatre such a goose as to fancy yourself in
she looked from her carriage to see if love with my Alexander."
he was standing as usual by the stage   My Alexander, - good! She has
door.  No, he was not there; no declined him for herself, but she will
more letters, -no more Alexander. not let you have him any the more
She felt sorry she had lost so genuine for that, - other women!
an admirer; and the moment the   "Your Alexander! No! I am too
sense of his loss touched herself, she fond of my own! Here's your one's
began to pity him, and think what a book"; and Susan thrust a duodecimo
shame it was to deceive him so.   towards her cousin.
"I could have liked him  better   "My one's book," said Mrs. Oldthan all the rest," said she.     field, with a mystified air.
But this lady's profession is one un-   " Yes! Robert says it belongs to
favorable to the growth of regrets, or the young gentleman who saved you
of affection for any object not in sight. from  the  Duchess's carriage; he
She had to rehearse from ten till one, picked it up after the battle."
then to come home, then to lay out   Mrs. Oldfield opened the book with




25 6                ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
interest; judge her surprise when the   At this Susan's dried themselves;
first page discovered verses in Alex- the griefofthe greatermind swallowed
ander's well-known hand: in the next up her puny sorrow, as the river abpage was a spirited drawing of Mrs. sorbs the brook that joins it. Anne
Oldfield as "Sophonisbha"; under frightened her, and at last she stole
it was written, in gold letters, "Not.from the room in dismay. Her abone base word of Carthage on thy sence, however, was short; she resoul,"-a line the actress used to turned in about ten minutes, and
speak with such majesty and fire that announced a visitor.
the audience always burst into a round    "I will not see him! " said Mrs.
of applause. And so on, upon every Oldfield, almost fiercely, looking off
page, poetry or picture. The verses the part she had begun to study.
were more tender than those he had'" It is the rough gentleman," said
sent her by letter. The book was his Susan.
secret heart!                       "What! Alexander's father? AdIt was Alexander, then, who had mit him. He is come to thank me,
saved her, - his love surrounded her. and well he may. Cruel wretches
And how had all his devotion been that we both are!"
repaid? She became restless, -bit   Nathan entered, but with a face so
her lips; the book she held became a rueful, that Mrs. Oldfield saw at once
book of mist, and she said to Susan, gratitude had not brought him there.
in bitter accents: " They had better   " What have you done, madam? "
not let the poor boy come near me was his first word.
again, or they will find I am a woman,   "Kept my word to you, like a fool,"
in spite of my nasty blank verse and was the answer; "I hope you are
bombast. Oh! oh! oh!" and the come to reproach me, — it would not
tragedian whimpered a little, much as be complete without that! "  And
a housemaid whimpers; it was not at the Oldfield shed a few tears, which
all like the " real tears " that had so this time were half bitter vexation,
affected Alexander.                half fiction.
On the fly-leaf of this little book   Nathan had come with that intenwas written: "Alexander Oldwor- tion, but he was now terror-struck,
thy! Should I die,- and I think I and afraid to do anything of the kind.
shall not live, for my love consumes He proceeded, however, in mournful
me, — I pray some good Christian tones, to tell her that Alexander had
to take this book to the great Mrs. fallen into a state of despondency and
Oldfield; it will tell her what I shall desperation which had made him -
-never dare to tell her: and if departed the father - regret that more innospirits are permitted to watch those cent madness he had hitherto been so
they have loved, it is for her sake I anxious to cure.
shall revisit this earth, which, but for   " He says he will kill himself," said
her, I should leave without regret."   Nathan. "And if he does he will kill
" I am a miserable woman!" cried me. Poor boy! all his illusions are
the dealer in. fictitious grief. "This kicked head over heels; so he Says,
is love! I never was loved before, however."
and mine must be the hand to stab   "A good job, too!" said Mrs. Oldhim; they make me turn his goddess field.
to a slut, —his love to contempt;   " How can you say a good job, when
and I do it, madwoman that I am! it will be a job for Bedlam  "
For what? to rob myself of the solace   "Bedlam! "
Heaven had sent to my vacant heart,   "Yes; he is mad!"
- of the only real treasure the earth   "What makes you  think he is
contains "; and she burst into a pas- mad? "
sion of tears.                       "He says you are not beautiful!




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                       257'She has neither heart, grace, nor wit,'   A pause ensued: Oldfield broke it.
says he: in a word, he is insane. "I have it!" cried she: "he is an
I reasoned calmly with him," contin- author: they are all alike!"  (What
ued the afflicted father. "I told him  did she mean by that?) " Speak to
he was an idiot; but, I am sorry to him of'Berenice.'"
say, he answered my affectionate re-   "Whom  am  I to talk to him
monstrance with nonsense and curses, about  "
and a lot of words, without head or   "Berenice!"
tail to them: he is mad!"           "What, is he after another woman
{" You cruel old man! "cried Mrs. now? "
Oldfield: " have you done nothing to   " No, - his tragedy!"
soothe the poor child  "             " His tragedy!"
"O yes! " said the cruel old man,   " Ah! I forgot," said she, coolly:
resenting the doubt cast upon his ten- "you are not in the secret; he comderness; "I shoved him into a room, posed it by stealth in your office."
and double-locked him in: and came She then seated herself at a side-table,
straight to you for advice about him, and wrote a note with theatrical rayou are so clever."                pidity.
", So it seems! " said she; " I have   " Give him this," said she.
made everybody unhappy, - you, Al-   Receiving no answer, she looked
exander, and most of all myself." up, a little surprised, and there was
And tears began to well out of her Nathan apoplectic with indignation;
lovely eyes.                       his two cheeks, red as beet-root, were
" 0 dear! - 0 dear! - 0 dear f- puffed out; paternal tenderness was
don't you vex yourself so, my lamb." in abeyance: finally he exploded in:
But the lamb, alias crocodile, insist- "So, this was how my brief-paper
ed upon putting her head gracefully went! " and marched off impetuousupon Nathan's shoulder, and crying ly, throwing down a chair.
meekly awhile.  On this (a man's   "Where are you going?" remonheart being merely a lump of sugar strated his companion.
that melts when woman's eye lets   "He is an author," was the reply;
fall a drop of warm water upon it) "he is no son of mine. I'11 unlock
Nathan loved her: it was intended he him  and kick him  into the wide
should.                           world."
" I would give my right arm if you   "What, for consecrating your briefwould make him love you again; at paper to the Muse  "
all events a little,- a very little in-   " Yes; did you ever know a dedeed. Poor Alexander, he is a fool, cent, respectable character write poa scatter-brain, and, for aught I know, etry? "
a versifier: but he is my son. I have   " Yes."
but him. If he goes mad or dies, his   "No! that you never did! Who,
father will lie down and die too."  now i"
"Sir!" said the actress, with sud-   "David! he wrote Hebrew poetry,
den cheerfulness, and drying her eyes - the Psalms; and very beautiful
with suspicious rapidity: " bring him  poetry, too."
to me; and " (patting him slyly on the   Poor Nathan! he was like a bull,
arm) "you shall see me make him  which, in the middle of a gallant
love me more than ever, — ten times charge, receives a bullet in a vital
more, if you approve, dear sir! "  part, and so pulls up, and looks
"Here! he won't come; he rails mighty stupid for a moment ere he
at you; you are his aversion. 0, he falls.
is mad!- my son is deprived of rea-    But Nathan did  not fall; he
son: this comes of those cursed glared reproach on Mrs. Oldfield for
rhymes."                           having said a thing, which, though it
Q




2'8                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
did not exactly admit of immediate glued her eyes to her part, and was
confutation, was absurd as well as pro- Statira.
fane, thought he, and resolved to serve   Meanwhile Nathan had returned to
Alexander out for it; he told her as Alexander; and, giving him  Mrs.
much. So then ensued a little piece Oldfield's note, bade him  instantly
of private theatricals: Mrs. Oldfield, accompany him to her house.
clasping her hands together, began to   Alexander had no sooner read the
go, gracefully, down on her knees, an note, than the color rushed into his
inch at a time (nothing but great pale face, and his eye brightened;
practice enabled her to do it), and re- but on reflection he begged to be
mind Nathan that he was a father, excused  from  going  there.  But
— that his son's life was more pre- his  father, who had observed  the
cious than anything, —that to be above symptoms, which proved to
angry with the unhappy was cruel, -  him  the power of this benevolent
"Save him! save him! "            enchantress, would take no denial;
Poor Nathan took all this stage so they returned together to her
business for an unpremeditated ef- house. It was all very well the first
fusion of the heart; and, with a tear part of the road; but at sight of the
in his eye, raised the queen of the house poor Alexander was seized
crocodiles, and with a hideously ami- with a combination of feelings that
able grin, " I'll forgive him!" said made it impossible for him  to prohe: "to please you, I'd forgive Old ceed.
Nick."                                "I feel faint, father."
With this virtuous resolve and   "Lean on me."
equivocal compliment, he vanished   " Pray excuse me, - I will go back
from the presence-chamber, and hur- to Coventry with you,- to the world's
ried towards Alexander's retreat.    end, -but don't take me to that
Oldfield retired hastily to her bed- house."
room, and, having found "Berenice,"    " Come along, ye soft-hearted-"
ran hastily through it once more, and   "Well, then, you must assist me,
began to study a certain scene which for my limbs fail me at the idea."
she thought could be turned to her   "Mine shall help you," -and he
purpose. Having what is called a put an arm under his son's shoulder,
very quick study, she was soon mis- and hoisted him along in an undenitress of the twenty or thirty lines. able manner. And so, in a few minShe then put on a splendid dress, ap- utes more, the attorney was to be seen
propriate (according to the ideas of half drawing, half dragging the poet
the day) to an Eastern queen. That into the abode of the Siren, which he
done, she gave herself to Statira, the had first entered (breathing fire and
part she was to play upon this im- fury against play-actors) to drag his
portant evening; but Susan observed son out of. It was, indeed, a curious
a strange restlessness and emotion in reversal of sentiments in a brace of
her cousin.                        bosoms.
" What is-the matter, Anne?" said   "No, father! no! " sighed Alexanshe.                               der, as his father pulled him into her
" It is too bad of these men," was saloon.
the answer.  " I ought to be all   "But I tell you it is for your tragStatira  to-day; and, instead of a edy," remonstrated the parchment to
tragedy-queen, they make me feel like the paper hero.   " It's business,"
a human being! This will not do: said he, reproachfully.  "Now't is
I cannot have my fictitious feelings, writ, let us sell it -to greater fools
in which thousands are interested, en- than  ourselves, — if we  can find
dangered for such a trifle as my real them."
ones"; and, by a stern effort, she   The tone in which he uttered the




ART: A DRAMIATIC TALE.                       259
last sentence conveyed no very san- he explained, sotto voce, "'Tisn't as
guine hope, on his part, of a pur- if we were clients, ye fool."
chaser.                              "Never! " shrieked Alexander.
" Why did you bring me here, dear   Poor Nathan had commanded his
father? " sighed the desillusion.e. "It wrath till now, but this energetic
was here my idol descended from her "Never! " set him in a blaze.
pedestal.  O  reality! you are not   "Never! you young scamp," shout,
worth the pain of living, -the toil ed he; "but —but —don't put me'
of breathing."                     in a passion,- when I tell ye the ex"Poor boy!" thought Nathan; ciseman's daughter won't have you
"he is in a bad way, - the toil of on any other terms."
breathing! - well, I never! - Your   "Rnd I won't have her on any
tragedy, lad, your tragedy," insinuat- terms, - she is a woman."
ed he, biting his lips not to be in a   "Well, she is on the road to it, -
rage.                              she is a girl, and a very fine one,
"Ah!" said Alexander, perking and you are to make her a woman,
up, " it is the last tie that holds me to - and she will make a man of you,
life. She says in this note that she I hope."
took it for another, and that mine has   " No more women for me," objectmerit."                            ed the poet. He then confided to an
" No doubt! no doubt! " said the impatient parent his future plan of exother,  humoring  the  absurdity. istence. It was simple, very simple;
"How came the Muse (that is the he purposed to live in a garret in
wench's name, I believe) into my of- London, hating and hated; so this
fie e"                            brought matters to a head.
" She used ever to come in," began   " I have been too good to you! you
he, in rapt tones, " when you went are mad! and, by virtue of parental
out," he added, mighty dryly.      authority, I seize your body, young
Alexander's next casual observa- man."
tion was to this effect, - that once he   But the body had legs, and, for
had a soul, but that now his lyre was once, an attorney failed to effect a
broken.                            seizure.
" That's soon mended," said his   He slipped under his father's arm,
rough comforter; "well, since your and, getting a table between them,
liar is cracked -"                 gave vent to his despair.
" I said broken, father, - and forme   " Since you are without pity,"
the business of life is ended."    cried he, "I am lost. Farewell for" Well," said the parent, whose ever!" and he rushed to the door,
good-humor at this crisis appears to which opened at that instant.
have been inexhaustible, " since your   The father uttered a deprecatory
liar is broken, - smashed, I hope, -  cry, which died off into a semiquaver
and your business done, or near it, of admiration, — for, at this moment,
turn to amusement a bit, my poor a lady of dazzling beauty, arrayed in
lad."                              a glorious robe that swept the ground,
Alexander looked at him, surveyed crossed the poet's path, before' he
him from top to toe.               could reach the door, and, with a
" Amusement! " winnied the incon- calm, but queen-like gesture, rooted
solable one, with a ghastly chuckle, him to the spot.
" musement! Where can broken   She uttered but one word, but that
hearts find amusement?"            word, as she spoke it, seemed capable
" IN THE LAW! " roared Nathan, of stilling the waves of the sea.
with cheerful, hopeful, healthy tone   "Hold! "
and look. " I do," added he; then,   No louder than you and I speak,
seeing bitter incredulity on the poet, reader, but irresistibly. Such majesty




260                  ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
and composure came from her, upon say, a creature with the tongue of an
them, with this simple monosyllable. angel, the principles of a weasel, and
They stood spellbound. Alexander the passions of a fish!
thought no more of flight; nor Nathan    " And have those lips graced words
of pursuit.                         of mine l" gasped Alexander.  "My
At last, by one of those inspirations verses, father!"
that convey truth more surely than    "His verses! no!" said Nathan,
human calculation is apt to, the poet addressing the actress; "can he write
cried out: " This is herself, the other like the sound of a trumpet  "
was a personation!"                   " Yes! Alexander, I like your play,
"Berenice" took no notice of this particularly a scene where this poor
exclamation.  She continued, with queen sacrifices her love to the barcalm majesty: —                     barous prejudices of her captors."
" Listen to a queen, whose steadfast will  "My favorite scene! my favorite
In chains is royal, in Rome unconquered scene! Father, she likes my favorite
still;                        scene!"
O'er my bowed head though waves of sorrow    "Gentlemen, be so good as to lend
roll,                                          b
I still retain the empire of my soul."  yourselves to the situation a moment.
Here, Susan! " In came Susan, her
Her two hearers stood spellbound. eyes very red; she had been employed
And then did Alexander taste the realizing that Alexander was not to
greatest pleasure earth affords, -to be hers.
be a poet, and to love a great actress,   " You, sir!" continued Mrs. Oldand to hear the magic lips he loved field, addressing Nathan, " are the
speak his own verse. Love, taste, Consul, - the inexorable father."
and vanity were all gratified at once.   " O, am I!'
With what rich flesh and blood she    "Yes! you must stand there, - on
clothed his shadowy creation; the that flower, — like a marble pillar,
darling of his brain was little more deaf to all my entreaties. You are
than a skeleton. It was reserved for about to curse your son."
the darling of his heart to complete    "I curse my boy l   Never!"
the creation. And then his words, O    " Father, for Heaven's sake, do
what a majesty and glory they took what she bids you."
from  her heavenly tongue!  They    "Dress the scene," continued she,
were words no more, - they were -" farther off, Susan, - this is tragthunderbolts of speech, and sparks of edy, don't huddle together as they do
audible soul. He wondered at him- in farce."
self and them.                         " But I am in such trouble, Anne."
Oldfield spoke this line,           " Of course you are,- you are
Tibulla, - you are jealous. You spy
"O'er my bowed head though waves of sor- T
row roll,"                     all our looks, catch all our words.
Now, mind your business.  The stage
with a grand, though plaintive swell, is mine. I speak to my Tiberius."
like the sea itself: it was really won- She kicked her train adroitly out of
derful.                             the way, and flowed like a wave on a
Alexander had no conception he or calm day towards Tiberius, who stood
any man had ever written so grand a entranced, almost staggering under
line as " O'er my bowed head though the weight of his own words, as they
waves of sorrow roll."  He was in rolled over him: -
heaven; A moment like this is beyond the lot of earth, and compen- "Obey the mandate of unfeeling Rome 
sates the smart that is apt to- be in   Make camps your hearth, the battle-field
store, all in good time, for the poet   Fly ourvain delights, fighome 
that lovain delights, fight for a glorious name,
that loves a great actress, that is to   Forget that e'er we met, and live for Fame."




ART: A  DRAMATIC  TALE.                         261
(In this last line she began to falter, You whose dry eye looks down on all our
a little.)                                  tears,
Pity yourself, — ah! for yourself have
"Alas! I, whom lost kingdoms could not     fears.
Ammove,                            Alone upon the earth, some bitter day,
Am mistress of myself no more. I love!  You'll call your son your trembling steps to
I love you, yet we part; —my race pro-    stay.
scribe, yet we part   my race pro-  Old man! regret, remorse, will come too
scribe,
My royal hand disdain this barbarous tribe.  late;
This diadem, that all the nations prize,  In vain you'1 pity then our sad, sad fate."
Is an unholy thing in Roman eyes."
" But, my good sir, you don't bear
She did  not merely  speak, she me out by your dumb play,- you are
acted these lines. With what a world to be the unrelenting sire —"
of dignity and pathos she said, " My    "Now, how  ca-ca-ca-can I, when
royal hand disdain! " and in speak- you make me blubber?" gulped out
ing  of the "diadem" she slowly  he "whose dry eyes," etc.
raised both hands, one somewhat high-   "And me!" whined Susan.
er than the other, and pointed to her   "Aha! " cried Alexander, with a
coronet, for one instant.  The pose hilarious shout, "I've made them cry
would have been invaluable to Sculp- with my verses!"
tor or Painter.                         A  smile, an arch smile, wreathed
" We are in the wrong," began  the Tragic Queen's countenance.
Nathan, soothingly, for the Queen    Alexander caught it, and, not behad slightly indicated him  as one of ing  yet come to his full conceit,
"the  barbarous tribe."   "A  lady  pulled himself up short. "No," cried
like you. - The Romans are fools- he, "no! it was you who conquered
asses-dolts-and-beasts," cried Nathan, them with my weak weapon; you
running the four substantives into  whose face is spirit, and whose voice is
one.                                  music. Enchantress -"
" Hush! father! " cried the author,   Now  Alexander, who was gracereproachfully.                        fully'inclining towards the charmer,
received a sudden push from the excit"And you, young maid,kill not my wounded ed Nathan, and fell plump on his
heart;knees
Ah! bid me not from my Tiberius part."   knees.
"Speak again," cried he, "for you
(Tears seemed to choke her utter- are my queen. I love you.  What is
ance.)                                to be my fate? "
"0O no! cousin," drawled out Su-   "Alexander," said Anne, fluttering
san, "sooner than you should die of as she had never fluttered before,
grief — it is a blow, but I give him   " you have so many titles to my esup- "                                 teem.  0 no! that won't do. See,
"Hold your tongue, Susan! you  sir, he does it almost as well as I
put me out."                          do.
"Now  it is too melting," whined                  " Live, for I love you;
Nathan; "leave of, - there, do ye My life is his who saved that life from harm;
leave off, - it is too melting."      This pledge attests the valor of your arm."
" Is n't it?" said Alexander, rayon- Here look!"  And she returned him
nant. "Go on! go on! You whose his pocket-book.
dry eye, - you whose dry eye, Mrs.   "His pocket-book! " said Nathan,
Oldfield."                           his eyes glazed with wonder. "Why,
Mrs. Oldfield turned full onNathan, how did his tragedy come in his pockand, sinking hervoice into a deeper key, et-book? I mean, his pocket-book in
she drove the following lines, slowly his tragedy? which is the true part,
and surely, through and through his and which is the lie?  O dear! the
poor, unresisting, buttery heart: -  dog has made his father cry, and, now




2632                 ART: A  DRAMATIC TALE.
I have begun, I don't like to leave off same passion, jealousy, is full of
somehow."  Then, before his several genius.
queries could be answered, he contin-   " The Rival Queens" is a play for
ncd, " So this is play-acting, and it's the stage, not the closet. Its author
a sin! Well, then, I like it."  And he was a great reader, and the actors
dried his eyes, and cast a look of bril- who had the benefit of his reading
liant satisfaction on all the company. charmed the public in all the parts,
He was then silent, but Alexander but in process of time actors arose
saw  him  the next minute making who had  not that advantage, and
signals to him  to put more fire and "Alexander the Great" became too
determination into his amorous pro- much for them.   They could not
posals.                              carry off his smoke, or burn with his
Before he could execute these in- fire. The female characters, however,
stractions, a clock on the chimney- retained their popularity for many
piece struck three.                  years after the death of the author,
The actress started, and literally  and of Betterton, the first "Alexanbundled father and son out of the der."  They are the two most equal
house, for in those day plays began at female characters that exist in tragedy.
five o'clock.                        Slight preference is commonly given
Mrs. Oldfield, however, invited by actors to the part.of " Roxana";
them  to sup with her, conditionally; but when Mrs. Bracegirdle selected
if she was not defeated in " The Rival that part, Mrs. Oldfield took. " StaQueens."  " If I am," said she, "it tira " with perfect complacency.
will be your interest to keep out of my    The theatre was full, the audience
way; for of course I shall attribute it in an unusual state of excitement.
to the interruptions and distractions   The early part of the first act reof this morning."                   ceived but little attention. At length
She said this with an arch, and, at Statira glided on the scene. She was
the same time, rather wicked look, greeted with considerable applause;
and Alexander's face burned. in a in answer to which, she did not duck
moment.                              and grin, according  to  rule, but,
"Oh!"  cried he, "I should be sweeping a rapid, yet dignified courtemiserable for life."                sy, she barely indicated her acknowl"Should you?" said Anne.         edgments, remaining Statira.
" You know I must."; "Give me a knife, a draught of poison,
"Well then " (and a single gleam         fames!
of lightning shot from her eyes), "I   Swell, heart! break, break, thou stubborn
must not be defeated."                     thing! "
IHer predecessors had always been
violent in this scene. Mrs. Oldfield
At five o'clock, the theatre was made distress its prominent sentiment.
packed to the ceiling, and the curtain  The critics thought her too quiet, but
rose upon "' The Rival Queens," about she stole upon the hearts of the audiwhich play much nonsense has been ence, and enlisted their sympathy on
talked. It is true, there is bombast in her side before the close of the act.
it, and one or two  speeches that   Mrs. Bracegirdle, who stood at the
smack of Bedlam; but there is not wing during the scene, turned round
more bombast than in other plays of to her toady, and said, shrugging her
the epoch, and there is ten times as shoulders: " O, if that is' all the lady
much fire. The play has also some can do!"
excellent turns of language and some   In the third act Mrs. Bracegirdle
great strokes of nature; in particular made her entree with great spirit,
the representation of two different na- speaking, as she came on, the line,
tures agitated to the utmost by the  0, you have ruined me  I shall be mad! "




ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.                                263
She was received with great ap-   Roxana. No, sickly virtue, no,
plause,  on  which   she  instantly  Thou shalt not think, nor thy love's loss bemoan,
dropped  IRoxana, and became Mrs. Nor shall past pleasures through thy fancy
Bracegirdle, all wreathed in smiles;            run;
the applause being ended, she returned  That were to make thee blest as I can be 
to Roxana as'quickly as it is possible  But thy no-thought I must, I will decree;
As thus, I'11 torture thee till thou art mad.
to do after such  a deviatio.  She And then no thought to purpose can be had.
played the scene with immense spirit   Statira. How  frail, how  cowardly, is
and fire, and the applause was much             woman's mind!
greater than Statira had obtained in  We shriek at thunder, dread the rustling
wind,
the firlst act.                           And glittering swords the brightest eyes will
Applause is the actor's test of suc-          blind
cess.                                     Yet when strong jealousy inflames the soul,
The two queens now  came  into  The weak will roar, and calms to tempests
roll.
collision, and  their dialogue  is so  Rival, take heed, and tempt me not too
dramatic, that I hope I may be ex-              far;
cusecld  for  quoting~  it, with  all its WMy blood may boil, and blushes show  a
fitults: f~~~~~~war.
Roxana. When you retire to your romantic cell,
Reoana. Madam, I hope you will a queen  I'll make thy solitary mansion hell!
forgive                             Thou shalt not rest by day, nor sleep by
toxsana weeps to see Statira grieve;           night,
HIow noble is the brave resolve you make,    But still Roxana shall thy spirit fright;
To quit the world for Alexander's sake!   Wanton in dreams if thou dar'st dream  of
Vast is your mind, you dare thus greatly die,   bliss,
And yield the king to one so mean as I;   Thy roving ghost may think to steal a kiss'T is a revenge will make the victor smart,   But when.to his sought bed thy wandering
And much I fear your death will break his       air
heart.                              Shall for the happiness it wished repair,
Statira. You counterfeit, I fear, and  How will it groan to find thy rival there?
know too well                      fHow ghastly wilt thou look when thou shalt
Hlow much your eyes all beauties else excel:    see,
RIoxana, who, though not a princess born,    Through the drawn curtains, that great man
-In chains could make the mighty victor          and me,
mourn.                              Wearied with laughing joys shot to the soul,
Forgetting power when wine had made him  While thou shalt grinning stand, and gnash
warm,                                     thy teeth, and howl!
And senseless, yet even then you knew to   Statira. 0 barbarous rage! my tears I
charm:                                   cannot keep,
Preserve him by those arts that cannot fail,   But my full eyes in spite of me will weep.
While I the loss of what I love bewail.     Roxane. The king and I in various picRoxana. I hope your majesty will give         tures drawn,
me leave                             Clasping each other, shaded o'er with lawn,
To wait you to the grove, where you would  Shall be the daily presents I will send,
grieve;                            To help thy sorrow to her journey's end:
Where, like the turtle, you the loss will moan  And when we hear at last thy hour draws
Of that dear mate, and murmur all alone.        nigh,
Statira. No, proud triumpher o'er my  My Alexander, my dear love, and I,
falling state,                      Will come and hasten on thy lingering fates,
Thou shalt not stay to fill me with my fate;   And smile and kiss thy soul out through the
Go to the conquest which your wiles may boast,  grates.
And tell the world you left Statira lost.   Statira.'Tis well, I thank thee; thou
Go seize my faithless Alexander's hand,         hast waked a rage,
Both hand and heart were once at my com- Whose boiling now no temper can assuage;
mand;                               I meet thy tides of jealousy with more,
Grasp his loved neck, die on his fragrant Dare thee to duel, and dash thee o'er and
breast,                                   o'er.
Love him like me whose love can't be ex-   Roxana. What would you dare?
pressed.                              Statira. Whatever you dare do,
Hle must be happy, and you more than blest, My warring thoughts the bloodiest tracts purWhile I in darkness hide me from the day,       sue;
That with my mind I may his form survey,   I am by love a fury made, like you;
And think so long, till I think life away.  Kill or be killed, thus acted by despair.




264                  ART: A  DRAMATIC  TALE.
Roxana. Sure the disdained Statira does passage of the play she melted them
not dare Y                      to tears, - the piteous anguish of her
Statirea. Yes, towering proud oxana, but regret at being separated by death
I dare.                         regret at being separated by death
Roxana. I tower indeed o'er thee;  from her lover; -
Like a fair wood, the shade of kings I stand,
While thou, sick weed, dost but infest the "What, must I lose my life, my lord, forland.                                 ever?
Statira. No, like an ivy I will curl thee   And then her pitying tenderness
round,'or his sorrow; An                   d then h er pit ying tenderness
round,
Thy sapless trunk of all its pride confound,   for his sorrow; and then her prayer
Then, dry and withered, bend thee to the to him to live; and, last, that exquiground.                          site touch of woman's love, more anWhat Sysigambis' threats, objected fears,    geli than mn's, -
My sister's sighs, and Alexander's tears,
Could not effect, thy rival rage has done;         "Spare Roxana's life;
My soul, whose start at breach of oaths be-  "'T was love of you that caused her give me
gun,                                  death";
Shall to thy ruin violated run.
I'll see the king in spite of all I swore,  and her death, with no thought but
Though cursed, that thou mayst never see love, love, love, upon her lips;-all
this was rendered so tenderly and so
In this female duel Statira appeared divinely, that no heart was untouched,
to great advantage.  She exhibited  and few eyes were dry now in the
the more feminine character of the crowded theatre.  Statira died; the
two. The marked variety of senti- other figures  remained  upon  the
ment she threw into each speech con- stage, but to the spectators the play
trasted  favorably  with  the other's was over; and when the curtain fell
somewhat vixenish monotony; and  there was but one cry, "Oldfield!"
every now and then she gave out vol- "Oldfield!"
canic flashes of great power, all the    In  those days people conceived
more effective for the artful reserve opinions of their own in matters drashe had hitherto made of her physical matic, and expressed them  then and
resources.  The effect was electrical there. Roma locuta est, and Nance
when she, the tender woman, sudden- Oldfield walked  into her dressingly wheeled upon her opponent with  room the queen of the English stage.
the words, "Rival, take heed," etc.   Two figures in the pit had watched
And now  came the climax; now it this singular battle with thrilling inwas that Mrs. Bracegirdle paid for terest.  Alexander sympathized alher temporary success.  She had gone ternately with the actress as well as
to the end of her tether long ago, but the queen.  Nathan, to tell the truth,
her antagonist had been working on  after hanging his head most sheepthe great principle of Art, - Climax. ishly for the first five minutes, yieldShe now put forth the strength she ed wholly to the illusion of the stage,
had economized; at each speech she and was " transported out of this igrose and swelled higher, and higher, norant present" altogether; to him
and higher.  Her frame dilated, her Roxana and Statira were bona fide
voice thundered, her eyes lightened, queens, women, and  rivals.  The
and she swept the audience with her Oldworthys were seated in Critics'
in  the hurricane  of her  passion. Row; and after a while. Nathan's enThere was a moment's dead silence, thusiasm  and excitement disturbed
and then the whole theatre burst into old gentlemen who came to judge
acclamations, which  were renewed two actresses, not to drink poetry all
again and again ere the play was suf- alive O.
fered to proceed. At the close of the    His neighbors proposed  to eject
scene Statira had overwhelmed Rox- Nathan; the said Nathan on this
ana; and, as here she had electrified  gave them a catalogue of actions, any
the audience, so in the concluding one of which, he said, would re-estab



ART: A  DRAMATIC  TALE.                         265
lish  his constitutional rights, and Alexander one human  being  can
give him his remedy in the shape of hope to confer on another.  She perdamages.; he wound up with letting  suaded a Dramatic Author to turn
them know he was an attorney at law. Attorney.  He was very reluctant
On this they abandoned the idea of then; and very grateful afterwards.
meddling with him as hastily as boys These two were never to one another
drop the baked half-pence inl a scram- as though all had never been.  They
ble provided by their philanthropical were friends as long as they were on
seniors.  So now Mrs. Oldfield was earth together. This was not so very
queen of the stage, and Alexander long. Alexander lived to eighty-six;
had access-to her as her admirer, and but the great Oldfield died at fortyNathan had a long private talk with  seven.  Whilst she lived, she always
her, and then with some misgivings consulted her Alexander in all diffiwent down to Coventry.                culties.  One day she sent for him;
A story ought to end with a mar- and he came sadly to her bedside; it
riage: ought it not?  WVell, this one was to make her will. He was saddoes not, because there are reasons der than she was.  She died.  She
that compel the author to tell the  lay in state like a royal queen; and
truth.  The poet did not marry the  noblemen and gentlemen vied to hold
actress, and beget tragedies and com- her pall as they took her to the home
edies.  Love does not always end in  she had earned in Westminster Abmarriage, even behind the scenes of a bey. Alexander, faithful to the last,
theatre. But it led to a result, the carried out all her last requests; and
value of which my old readers know, he tried, poor soul, to rescue her
and my young ones will learn,- it Fame from the cruel fate that awaits
led  to a very tender and  lifelong  the great artists of the scene,- obfriendship.  And 0, how few out of livion.  He wrote her epitaph.  It is
the great aggregate of love affairs first-rate of its kind; and prime Latin
lead to so high, or so good, or so af- for once in a way:fectionate a permanency as is a ten-            Hic juxta requiescit
der friendship!                          Tot inter Poetarum laudata nomina
One afternoon Mrs. Oldfield wrote             ANNA OLDFIELD.
rather a long letter thus addressed in      Nec ipsa minore laude digna.
Nunquam ingenium idem ad partes
the fashion of the dLay: —                   diversissimas nobilius fuit.
To Mr. Nathan Oldworthy,                   Ita tanen ut ad singulas
non facta sed nata esse videretur.
Attorney at Law,                     In Trageediis
In the Town of Coventry,       Formoe splendor, oris dignitas, incessus
At his house there in the Market Street.            majestas,
T1his, with all despatch.            Tanta vocis suavitate temperabantur
This,                                 Uwith all despatch.ut nemo esset tam agrestis tam durus
Nathan read it, and said, "God                    spectator.
Quin in admirationem totus raperetur.
forgive me for thinking ill of any              In Comcedia autem
people, because of their business!"     Tanta vis, tam venusta hilaritas,
and his eyes filled.                          Tam curiosa felicitas,
The letter described to Nathan an    UIt neque sufficerent spectando oculi,
Neque plaudendo manus.
interview  the actress had with Alexander.  That interview  (several   There, brother, I have done what I
months after our tale) was a long, can for your sweetheart, and I have
and, at some moments, a distressing  reprinted  your Epitaph, after one
one, especially to poor Alexander; hundred years.
but it had been long meditated, and    But neither you nor I, nor all our
was firmly carried out; in that inter- pens, can fight against the laws that
view this generous woman conferred rule the Arts.  Each of the great
one of the greatest benefactions on Arts fails in  something, is unmapX    ~        12




266                 ART: A DRAMATIC TALE.
proachably great in others (of that fields, where he had played among
anon).  The great Artists of the the lambs and the buttercups in the
Scene are paid in cash; they cannot morning of his days. And the old
draw bills at fifty years' date.   man said calmly, " Vixi!  ThereThey are meteors that blaze in the fore now I will go down, and see
world's eye, - and vanish.         once more those pleasant fields; and
We are farthing candles that cast I will sit in the sun a little while;
a gleam all around four yards square, and then I will lie beside my father
for hours and hours.               in the old churchyard."  And he did
Alexander lived a life of business, so. It is near a hundred years ago
honest, honorable, and graceful too; now.
for the t[uue poetic feeling is ineradi-   So Anne Oldfield sleeps in Westcable; it colors a man's life, - is minster Abbey, near the poets whose
not colored by it. And when he had thoughts took treble glory from her,
reached a great old age, it befell that while she adorned the world. And
Alexander's sight grew dim, and his Alexander Oldworthy lies humbly
spirit was weary of the great city, beneath the shadow of the great old
and his memory grew weak, and he lofty spire in the town of Coventry.
forgot parchments, and dates, and re-   Requiescant in pace!
ports, and he began to remember, as   " And all Christian souls, I pray
though it was yesterday, the pleasant Heaven."




PROPRIA QUIE MAARIBUS.
A JEU D'ESPRIT.








NOTE.
THIS jeu d'esprit was written some years ago, before the Author was so fortunate as to establish friendly relations with American Publishers, and, may
he venture to say? with the American Public. He has a reason for wishing
this to be known.
C. R.
LONDON, September, 1857.








PROBPRIA QUtE   A RIBUS.
CHAPTER I.                 This gentleman was at the moment
working a loan at 5 per cent with
J IOHN COURTENAY was the son  Kentucky, and he had promised himJ of Richard Courtenay. Richard self to be in it to the tune of ~ 50,000;
was the younger son of a good Devon- but all this day he took more snuff
shire family: his elder brother inher- than was good for him, and the next
ited four thousand a year, - he fifteen day, after breakfast and a revery, he
hundred pounds' down, from the same suddenly burst out, " Pshaw! the worst
relative, his father, - vive l'Angleterre! investment, in the worst country; a
His fifteen hundred pounds would n't sinking interestin a sinking kingdom."
do in a genteel country like England:   "Papa!" said a musical voice,
so he went to America and commerce. " your paying me no attention will, I
He died richer than the owner of fear, end in your being worried."
Courtenay Court.                     This worrying meant a certain vioJohn, his son, was richer still by lent system of kissing, with which the
the same honorable means.         speaker used to fall upon John CourteHe was also a stanch republican: nay when he was very good, or very
the unparalleled rise and grandeur of bad: she used it indifferently as a rethe United States might well recom- ward or punishment.
mend their institutions to any candid   This time, to her surprise, the old
mind; and John Courtenay spent his gentleman answered her smiling threat
leisure moments in taking the gloss by opening his arms in a minute, and
off John Bull's hide: he was not so saying, "My child! "
spiteful against him as some of those   In another moment Caroline Courtegentry who owe their cleverness to nay was in his arms; he pressed his
themselves, but their existence to lips to her brow and said, " I will do
Bull, and forget it: his line was rath- it! I will do it!"
er cool contempt; the old country was   "What will you do, papa  "
worn out and decayed: progressing    "That is my business, I reckon,"
like a crab instead of going ahead, said he, recovering the statesman and
etc., etc., etc., etc.             man of business with rather a brusque
For all this, one fine day something reaction: and off he bustled to Wall
seemed to crack inside John Courte- Street, "where merchants most do
nay's bosom, when. he saw an an- congregate."  Shakespeare hem!  -
nouncement from the modest pen of   Caroline stood irresolute and had a
Robins that Courtenay Court was in mind to whimper. She thought her
the market.                       affection had been for once half reHe did not think such an adver- pulsed.
tisement would have interested him    Caroline! doubt anything- everyany more than Consols 96 and a half, thing - but a parent's love for his
— but it did.                     only child.




272                  PROPRIA QU`E MARIBUS.
CHAPTER II.                Why lookest thou ashamed, 0 yeoman, Bulwark of our Isle?
IN three weeks after this the ham-   This is why? Adam Eaves farmed
mer came to Courtenay Court; and two fiarms; and he had for three years
that hammer was wielded  (I use been playing both his landlords for
the term  he would have selected) decrease of rent, upon grounds that
by the St. George of the auction- nowise tallied with his little offer of
room.                              thirty thousand one hundred pounds
Need I say the wood and water of down on the nail for Courtenay Manthe estate had previously been painted or; and therefore looked he ashamed,
in language as flowing as the one and the simple-minded yeoman, Bulwark
as exuberant as the foliage of the of our Isle.
other?                              Joshua Tanner, linen-draper in the
In the large hall were two fire- market-town, he whose cry for ten
places, where piles of beech log blazed years had been the decay of retail
and crackled.                      trade, was so surprised at this, that,
Mr. Robins made his bow and up thrown off his guard, he bid an hunwent Courtenay Court, manor, and dred more; but, the mask once thrown
lordship, in a single lot.         off, lie blushed not, but sprinkled inThere were present, besides farmers, suiting arrogance on all around.
some forty country gentlemen, many    Both these worthies, who, unlike us
of whom looked business: they had writers, had for years announced
not examined their own horizon, as themselves beneath their true value,
John  Courtenay, merchant, had. gave way to heavier metal, and the
Land was in vogue with them.       estate began to reach its real worth;
I don't wonder at it. Certainly a it was at ~ 38,000.
landed estate is "an animal with its   There was a pause. St. George
mouth always open."  But compare looked jocose, and felt uneasy. Were
the physical perception and enjoyment they running cunning like their own
of landed wealth with that of consols hounds, these south country gentleand securities.                    men?
Can I get me rosy cheeks, health,   He now looked carefully all round
and good-humor riding up and down the room: a long, attenuated figure
my Peruvian bonds? can I go out with a broad-brimmed hat on, standshooting upon my palchment, or in ing by a distant window; met his eye,
summer sit under the shadow of my and, as if to oblige him, now for the
mortgage deed and bob for commas first time made a cool, nonchalant
and troll for semicolons in my river of bid by nodding his head; round went
ink that meanders through my mead- all the company on their heels with
ow of sheepskin?                  their backs to the auctioneer, as when,
Wherefore I really think land will in the last row of the Pit, two personalways tempt even the knowing ones, ages of this our day go to fisticuffs, I
until some vital change shall take have seen the audience turn its back
place in society; for instance, till the on the quarrel of Brutus and Cassius,
globe makes its exit in smoke, and or Melantius and Amyntor.
the blue curtain comes down on the  ]Forty two, three, four thousand were
cireation.                         reached; two country gentlemen bidThree or four gentlemen held the ders turned red and white, - the pin
bidding up till about thirty thousand bid on, rythmically, at measured inpounds; it then became flat.       tervals, like a chaff-cutting machine,
And now one Adam Eaves, a farm- unconscious df opposition, indifferent
er, pushed sheepishly forward, made to result.
an advance on the bidding, and looked    The estate was now at thirty years
ashamed.                           purcha.se; a hum that went round the




PROPRIA QUE MARIBUS.                        273
room announced this fact without a was a bitter disappointment, - we
word spoken. All the hounds had who live in towns can hardly think
tailed off but one. He went on; the how bitter. Such sales do not come
two bidders were strangely contrast- every day in the country: his estate
ed; it seemed odd they could both marched for a mile and a half with
want the same thing. In shape one the Courtenays. He had counted on
was like a pin; the other a pin-cush- no competition but that of his neighion.                               bors: he had bought it from them:
Our friend at the window was all but a man who happened to want an
one color, like wash-leather, or an act- estate had come from London, or, as
or by daylight; the other, with his it was now whispered, from New York.
head of white hair as thick as a boy's, Any other estate would have suited
and his red brown cheeks, and his him as well, but he would have this.
bright eye, reflected comfort as bright-   Poor old gentleman! He had told
ly as Hampton Court with its red Mrs. Seymour she should walk this
brick and white facings, and cheered evening under the great birch-trees
the eye like old Sun and old Frost bat- of the Courtenays, - and  they be
tling for a December day.          hers!
At last the thin and sallow person-   They had been married 40 years,
age uttered these words: " Forty-sev- and he had never broken his word to
en thousand pounds!" in a nasal her before.
twang, that seemed absurdly unjust   The auctioneer read the buyer's
to the grand ideas such words excite card.
in elegant minds conscious how many   "Sold to  Mr. Jonathan  Sims,"
refined pleasures can  be  had  for said he, responding to the open curi~ 47,000.                          osity of the company.
His antagonist's head sunk for a   "Ugh!" went one or two provinmoment.                            cials, and then dead silence.
He sighed, and, instead of bidding  "'Acting," continued the auctionhigher, or holding his tongue, the two eer, " for Mr. John Courtenay of New
business alternatives open to him, he York."
said, "Then it will never be mine! "    There was a pause,- a hurried
He said this so simply, yet with so buzz, - and then, to Mr. Sims's surmuch pain, that some of those good prise, a thundering " Hurrah! " burst
souls, who, unless they have two days out that made the rafters ring and the
to think it over with their wives or windows rattle.
sisters, are sure to take the pathetic   " It's  Master  Richard's  son,"
for the ludicrous, horse-laughed at shouted Adam Eaves; " My father's
him.                               ridden many's the time with Master
He turned away. Mr. Robins did Richard, he rode the mule, and father
not waste a second in idle flourishes; the jenny-ass after Squire Courte"When a thing is settled, end it," nay's hounds, HURRAIH!"
thought he; he knocked the lot down    Oines. " Hurraih! "
now as he would a china teapot in a   The thorough-bred old John Bull
sale of 200 lots, -and the old oaks at the door, Mr. Ralph  Seymour,
of Courtenay bowed their heads to a seemed glad of an excuse to get rid
Yankee merchant.                   of some bile foreign to his nature.
The buyer stepped up to the auc- In three strides he was alongside
tioneer.                           Jonathan, and had he been French
Mr. Ralph Seymour, the last bid- it was plain he would have said someder, made for the door: at the door thing worth repeating, but as he was
he buttoned with difficulty his coat only English he grasped Mr. Sims's
over his breast, for his heart was hand like a vice, and - asked him to
swelling and his eye glistened,- it dinner!
12*                              r




274                  PBOPRIA QULE MARIBUS.
That is the English idea, —you to his resting-place among the Courtemust ask a gentleman to dinner, and nays in Conyton Church vault.
you must give a poor man a day's   He left all his land and all his
work, - that wins him.             money by will to his daughter; to
John  Courtenay came home: I his will he attached a paper containcoolly omit the objections he took ing some requests.
cheinin faisant to things in the old   One was that she would provide for
country. They would fill a volume the aged housekeeper, and lodge-keepwith just remonstrance.            er, who knew her father and welcomed
lHe came to his own lodge gate, -  him home, - he called it home! But
the old nian who  opened it sung there was nothing about where he
out: -                             wished her to live: he did not de"Oh! Master John, how like you cide the great little question, is Amerbe to Master Richard, surely."     ica or England the right place for us
Courtenay  was  astonished; he globules to swell and burst in?
found this old boy had been thinking    In other words, when he wrote
of him all that way off for sixty years, these memoranda, John Courtenay
ever since his birth transpired.    was dying, and thought less about the
The old housekeeper welcomed him  kingdom whence came his root, or the
with tears in her eyes.            state where his flowers had bloomed,
He dined in a room enriched with than of' a country he had learned to
massive old carvings; he walked after look towards by being neither Yankee
dinner under his avenue of birches nor Briton so much as an honest, Godwith silver stems of gigantic thick- fearing man. So his thoughts were
ness and patriarchal age. The house- now upon a land, older than Little
keeper put him in a bed his father had England, broader than the Great Unitslept in when a boy.               ed States; a land where Americans
Soon the country gentlemen made and English are brothers.
acquaintance with him. The strong    And I warn them, and all men, to
idea of distributive  justice he had be brothers here, lest they never see
brought from  Commerce, and  his that land.
business habits, caused him to be con-   Caroline Courtenay remained at
sulted and valued.                 New York. There was little to tempt
It is a fact that after some months her to leave her birthplace, and visit
in Devonshire he developed a trait or the country which seemed to her to
two of Toryism; but they could not have robbed her of her father.
make him  believe that nations are   It happened, however, almost three
the property of Kings, and countries years after Mr. Courtenay's death,
their home farms. They did all they that a fresh circumstance changed her
could think of to corrupt him. They feeling in that respect.
made him  perforce a justice of the    Young Reginald Seymour, who had
peace; he remonstrated and pooh- come to see the States, had brought
poohed, but was no sooner one than letters of introduction to her, and had
he infused fresh blood into the with- prolonged his stay from a fortnight
ered veins of justice in his district.   to eight months: and he was eloquent
He became a referee in all nice in praise of Courtenay Court, and of
matters of rural equity. In short his his father's place which adjoined it;
neighbors had all overcome any little and what Reginald praised Caroline
prejudice, and had learned his value desired to see.
when - they lost him. His time was   Miss Courtenay combined two qualcome to close an honorable life by a ities which are generally seen in'oppeaceful death.                    position, — beauty and wit. On her
Short as had been his career among wit, however, she had latterly cast
them, the whole county followed him  some doubt by a trick she had fallen




PIROPRIA  QUE  MARIBUS.                      275
into. She had been detected thinking  opposition and unreasonable reasons,
for herself, - ay, more than  once. began to favor the general theory of
This came of being left an orphan, Bloomer.
poor thing; she had no one to warn    Next she converted several friends;
her day by day against this habit, still to the theory only. This got
which is said always to lead her sex  wind, and a general attack was made
into trouble, - when they venture up- on her by her well-wishers.  Their
on it: luckily they don't do it very arguments and sneers completed the
often.                              business; and she was bloomerized at'Wealth, wit, and beauty, meeting heart, when the following scene took
with young blood, were enough to place in her own kitchen.
spoil a character: all they had done   Eliza the cook was making pastry
in this case was to give her a more on the long oak table; her face was
decided one than most young ladies redder than her work accounted for.
of her age have, or could carry with-   " Well, Eliza," said Mrs. Primmer,
out spilling.                       the housekeeper, " your tongue won't
It so happened one day that a ques- stop of itself'; of course not; so I'11
tion much agitated in parts of the stop it."
United States occupied a semicircle    "Do, ma'am," suggested Eliza, with
of ladies, of whom Miss Courtenay meek incredulity.
was one. This was a new costume,   "You sha' n't wear them here," said
introduced by a highly respectable Mrs. Primmer.
lady, the editor of a paper called the   "La', ma'am," said the housemaid
"Lily," and wife of a lawyer of some Angelina, " she had better wear them
eminence at Seneca Falls.           in the house than in the street with
The company generally were very two hundred boys at her heels."
severe on this costume, and proceeded    "That is not my meaning," anupwards from  the pantalets to the swered Mrs. Primmer. "I hired you
morals of the inventor, which, though  for a female cook, and the moment
approved at Seneca by simple obser- you put on - things that don't belong
vation, were depreciated at New York to a woman, -our bargain's broke,
by intelligent inference.           and you go."
When the conversation began, Miss   "Well, it is an indelicate dress," obCourtenay looked down on the Bloom- served Angelina: then turning to John
er costume with supercilious contempt. Giles, Eliza's sweetheart, who was eatBut its vituperators shook her opin- ing pork at the dresser, "don't you
ion, by a very simple process, - they  think so, Mr. Giles  " inquired she,
gave their reasons!!!!          affectedly.
"It is awkward and absurd," said    "I does!" said Giles, with his
one, as by way of contrast she glided mouth full. Giles was a Briton in the
majestically to the piano to sing: as suite of young Seymour.
she spoke her foot went through her   "Vulgar!" suggested Angelina.
dress to the surprise of — nobody.     "And no mistake," said Giles, —
"It is highly indelicate to expose " it's as vulgar as be blowed," added
any portion of the - in short - the, he, clenching the nail with his polished
the, the- ankle," continued the lady hammer.
seating herself.                       "And who asked your opinion? "
"It is! Miss Jemima," purred a inquired Eliza, sharply.
smooth, deferential gentleman, look-   " Angelina!" replied Giles, - Giles
ing over her; his eye dwelt compla- was matter-of-fact.
cently on two snowy hemispheres.      Eliza. " I mean to wear it for as vulA little extravagance injures a good gar as't is."
cause.                                 Giles. " Then you had better look
At last Miss Courtenay, fired by out for another man."  (Applause.)




276                  PROPRIA  QU I MARIBUS.
Eliza. " 0, they are always to be had   In speaking, Eliza was worse than
without looking out: so long as there's I am in writing, she never punctuated
pickled pork in the kitchen, they'11 at all.
look in."" So you mean to wear them?" inAn.qelina. " Well, I think a woman quired Mrs. Primmer, coming back
should dress to gratify the men" (with from the argument to the point.
an ceillade at Giles)  "not to imitate   Eliza. " Yes, I do!"
them."                                Observe! at the beginning of the
Eliza. "The men! so long as we argument she had no such intention.
sweep the streets for them with our   Mrs. Primmer. "Then I give you
skirts, they are all right. You talk of a month's warning, here (and now),
delicacy: is dirt delicacy I "     Eliza Staunton! "
On this she whipped off a chair by   Eliza. " And-I won't take it from
the fire a gown that had met with a you Mrs. Primmer."
misfobrtune: it had been out walking    Mrs Prinmer. " Who will you take
on a wet day. Eliza put it viciously it firom then? "
under Angelina's nose, who recoiled.   Eliza. " The mistress or nobody."
An accurate description of it would   Angelina. "La! Lisa! You know
soil these pages.                  she never speaks to a servant."
"Is that pretty? " continued cook,   Eliza. " She speaks to Mrs. Prim" to carry a hundred-weight of muck  mer, don't she  "
wherever you go? "                   Mrs. Primmer. "Am I a servant,
" Dirt can't be helped," retorted hussy? Am I a servant I"
Primmer. "Indecency can."             Eliza. " Yes! you are; we are all
" Indecent?" cried Eliza, with a servants here: some is paid for doing
face like scarlet. "Who's going to be the work, and other some for lookindecent in this kitchen? "       ing on and interrupting it here and
"The gals," suggested Angelina, there."
"who wear - who wear-"                Mrs. Primmer (gasping).  "Leave
" Small-clothes," put in Giles.  the kitchen, young woman."
A grateful glance repaid him for ex-   Eliza.  " The kitchen's mine and
tricating the fair from a conventional the housekeeper's room is yours old
difficulty.                        woman."
"What, it's indecent because it   "Go to the mistress and tell her I
shows your instep, I suppose.  You want to come and speak to her!"
go into the drawing-room this evening, gasped the insulted housekeeper, deand the young ladies shall show you prived of motion by her fury.
more than ever a Bloomer will.' Wo-   Angelina took but one step before
men's delicacy'! " said Eliza, putting Eliza caught her, held the roller high
her hand under the paste and bringing above her head, and saying, "If you
it down on the reverse with a whack. offer to go there I'11 roll ye up into
" Gammon! Fashion is what we care my paste," pushed her down into a
for, not delicacy. If it was the fash- chair, where she roared and blubion to tie our right foot to our left ear, bered.
would n't you do it?"               "0 you rude, brutal-behaved wo"No!" said Angelina, with her lit- man,"  cried  Primmer, " I  shall
tie hesitation.                    faint."
" Then I would! " cried Eliza, sac-   Helps have an insolence all their
rificing herself to  her argument. own: they say the most cutting things
" What did they wear last year," con- with a tone of extra sweetness and
tinned this orator. "Eh  answer me courtesy, that has the effect of fire
that whisking to and fro as they quenched with sweet oil, or brandy
walked and drawing everybody's atten- softened with oil of vitriol.
tion."                -              With such sweet aid measured




PROPRIA  QUEZ, MARIBUS.                     277
tones Eliza said, half under her breath: seen bobbing wildly up and down as
"Giles! you go — into the house- he cleaned his plate.
keeper's room - and look behind the   This footman had admired Eliza,
door-and you'll find the biggest bhut, outweighed by the solid virtues
brandy bottle you ever did see: Mrs. and limbs of Giles, was furtively lookPrimmer wants it!!!!!"        ing out for a chance of disturbing the
This dry little speech was harts- balance.
horn: some spring seemed to have   Eliza and Angelina were now sobbeen pressed, so erect bounced Mrs. bing placidly.
Primmer!                             Mr. Giles stretched his legs slowly
She bustled up to Eliza, and, with  out before him, and said very slowly,
a spite that threatened annihilation, and with really an appearance of regave her an infinitesimal pat on the flection, "Now all this here —bobback of her head, and retired precipi- bery - comes from a woman - maktately with a face in which misgiving  ing up her mind - to wear - the -
already took the place of fury.    B- ughahal oh, oh! Ugh! "
Eliza put down the roller quite lei-   Eliza had lounced up in a rage and
surely, and cleaned her fingers slowly  dabbed the paste right over his mouth,
of the dough.                      nose, eyes, face, and temples. He
" It is lucky for you," said she, firm- should have spoken quicker.
ly, "that you are the same age as my    It was nearly his death. However,
mother, or down you'd go on those  with horrible noises and distortions he
bricks. Oh! oh! oh! oh! oh!" and  got clear of it.
down went she on a chair opposite    The footman roared with laughter:
Angelina, and her apron over her he thought he never had seen so truly
head: for these women who are go- funny a thing done in his life, - none
ing to tear the house down and to  of your vulgar jokes, — "legitimate
stand like Mercury on the debris (in  humor" thought John.  (Giles being
a Bloomer), withf a finger pointing to  my rival.)  Turning suddenly grave
truth and a toe to futurity, are just he said:two shades more faint-hearted at bot-   "Well, you are drawing itmild, you
tom than the others.               are, -here's the mistress coming to
So Eliza and Angelina kept up the see who's cat's dead."  So saying
bawl with great want of spirit, burst- he slammed the window, and his head
ing out in turns, after the manner of went bobbing again over his spoons.
strophe and antistrophe, -           At this announcement histrionics
commenced.  "Mrs. Primmer, mad4" Et ululare pares et despondere parat."  commenced.  "Mrs. Primmer, madam," began Eliza, demurely, with a
Meantime the manofoneideaatatime, total change of manner, "I'm sure
Giles, was obeying orders, and going  ma'am  you would n't take away a
after the bottle specified by Eliza, and  poor girl's place that's three thousand
had his hand on the door of the house- miles away from  home - all for a
keep-er's room.                    word ma'am!"
" Giles! " screamed the proprietor!   " You may pack up your box Eliza
He stood petrified.  "There is no for you won't sleep in this house,"
such thing in my room," said she, was the grim answer.
with sudden calmness.                 "0 Mrs. Primmer," remonstrated
Giles returned to the dresser.   Eliza, tearfully, " if you have no heart
The present scene had lately re- for poor servants, where do you exceived an addition that made it per- pect to go to?"
feet, - a satirical spectator.       "I shall go nowhere," replied the
The pantry window which looked dignitary, "I shall stay here, it's you
into the kitchen was opened bya foot- that shall march."  Then, hearing a
man, whose head had been previously light step approach, she astonished




278                   PROPRIA  QUYE MARIBUS.
them all by suddenly risingr into a wild, household, I came to see if I could be
sonorous recitative.                of any service to you: what is the
"I have my mistress's confidence, matter?"
and will deserve it."                  "If you please, ma'am," put in
Miss Courtsnay stood on the thresh- Eliza, hastily, "it is all along of Mrs.
old.                                Primmer being  so hard  upon the
Mrs. Primmer's game was not to Bloomers, ma'am."
see her.  She intoned a little louder.    A short explanation followed.
" No woman shall stay a day in this   Eliza was asked why she had dehouse."                             fended this costume.
"Well I never!"gasped Angelina,   Eliza, having found such a backer,
looking towards the door.           was fluent in defence of the new cos"Hold your tongue! no woman  tume.
shall stay a day in this house, who    The rest looked unutterable things,
thinks to put on that immoral, ondel- but could say nothing.
icate, ondecent —  Ah! ah! ah! "    In the middle of one of her long
Primmer screamed, put her nose out sentences, her mistress cut her short,
straight in the air, put on her specta- congratulated her demurely on her
cles and screamed again.             sense, informed her that she wished
Miss Courtenay stood at the door one of the servants to assist her in a
in a suit of "propria qua maribus."  little scheme for recommending the
dress; that she should have hesitated
-' —--             to propose it, but, having found one
already so disposed, would use her
CHAPTER III.               services.
" On my bed you will find - a cos.
" Propria qum maribus tribuuntur, masculatume: put it on immediately, and
Eton Latin Grammar.   come to me for further instructions."
So saying, she vanished with a slight
THu world up to that moment had smile.
never seen so smart a fella -* as caused    Eliza watched her departing form
Primmer's recitative to die in a qua- with a rueful face. She discovered
ver.,}e stood on the threshold erect  when too late that she had never for
yet lithe; the serpentine lines of youth- a moment intended to wear the thing,
ful female beauty veiled yet not dis- and had only defended it out of conguised in vest and pantaloons of mar- trariness; she moved towards the door
vellous cut, neat little collar; dapper like a lamb to sacrifice.
shoes, and gaiters: delicious purple    "Ahem! " said Mrs. Prfmmer,
broadcloth.                         "vou can go into the street dressed
"Giles!" groaned Mrs. Primmer, like a hobbadehoy if you like, Miss
"you may go for what Eliza said. Staunton; but, if I might ask a favor,
Anybody may do anything now! I it is that you won't tell the people
nursed her on these knees," whined what house you came out of: because,
the poor woman, wvith the piteous tone you see, I come of decent people in
that always accompanies this favorite the neighborhood that might feel hurt
statement.                          and leave the towvn, owing to such a
"Primmer!" said the Courtenay, thing being seen come out of the
coldly, " theatrical exhibitions amuse, house where I am; that's all, ma'am;
but do not deceive; be yourself."   and I am a regular attendant on pub"Yes, ma'am," answered Primmer, lie and family worship."
coldly, dropping her histrionics direct-   This was said very politely.
ly, and taking up her tact.            "Well, ma'am," answered Eliza,
"Hearing cries of distress from my beginning as politely, but heating so
Observe the female termination,  much per sentence.  "I don't know




PROPRIA  QU.E MARIBUS.                       279
as Bloomers are so like what you    "My feet will be as unembarrassed
mention, ma'am, as your own gown  as yours, dear!" replied Caroline,
would be, ma'am, if it was a bit clean- quietly.
er, ma'am: but whenever I meet   Harriet gave her the bouquet, and
a new-married couple coming from  said with much meaning: " Reginald
church, I'1ll step up to the bride, and sends you these.  Of course you did
I'11 say,' Mrs. Primmer requests not know he was returned."
you would be so good as not to put   "Of course I did," was the reply;
on your nightgown before supper "he is to be here."
next time —she's turned so devilish   Harriet. "O, Reginald loves you,
modest all of a sudcden. "          Caroline."
So saying, Eliza flounced out in a    Caroline.  " So he pretends."
rage, and, her blood being put up,   Harriet.  "He loves you with all
burned now to go through with it.   the force of an honest heart,- and I
love you for his sake and your own:
give me the privilege of a sister: let
me advise you."
CHAPTER IV;                  Caroline.  "With all my heart."
Harriet.  "Yes! but advice is apt
REGINALD SEYMOUR was a hand- to be ill received."
some, gentlemanly fellow, heir appar-    Caroline.  "That is because it is
cunt of the unsuccessful bidder for given hastily and harshly; but true
Courtenay Court.                    friends like you! and me, - 0 fie! "
He had been for six months the   Harriet.  "Promise then not to be
declared lover of the heiress; and his angry with me."
sister Harriet, warmly invited by Miss   Ccaroline.  "Certainly; only you
Courtenay, had at length taken ad- must promise not to be angry if I am
vantage of an escort offered by an too silly or self-willed to take it."
English family, and was a guest of the   Icarriet.  " I should not be angry,
fiancee.                             love, though I might be grieved on
If Reginald had a fault, it was too your own account."
strong a consciousness of the antiqui-   Caroline.  "Well, then, dear."
ty and importance of the Seymours;   Harriet.  "Well, then, dear, -do
and, as that was combined With a de- not receive society in this costume.
termination to hand down their name I will never tell Reginald; and do
as pure as they had received it, it was not you let him know you ever wore
a very excusable weakness.          it."
He was perhaps rather more formal   Caroline.  "But how can I help it,
and stately than suited his youth.  when he is going to see me in it  "
It was in the dusk of the evening.   Harriet.  "It is for your delicacy,
Harriet Seymour, full dressed, came your feminine qualities, he has loved
into a sort of antechamber with a you."
bouquet of choice flowers in her hand,   Caroline. "Has he?" (looking down.)
and there encountered Caroline, for " Well, those qualities reside in our
whom in fact she was looking. At souls, not our - habiliments."
sight of her friend, Harriet did not   Harriet.  "Not in such habiliments
at first comprehend: all she realized as those. He will be shocked."
was that Caroline was not the thing.    Caroline. "No, only surprised a lit" What! not dressed yet, Caro- tle, he! he! "
line? " said she, " it is very late."  tHarriet. "He will be grieved, Car"I am dressed, dear."             oline."
" Why, of course, I see you have    Caroline. "I shall console him."
some clothes on for fun, - he, he,-    Hilarriet (witli color heightening). " He
but it is to be a ball, dear!"     will be indignant."




280                  PROPRIA  QUfE MARIBUS.
Caroline (with color rising). "I shall you are not dressed yet, and people
laugh at him."                     will soon arrive."
Harriet. " He will be disgusted."  Caroline saw there was no real way
Caroline. " Ah, - then I shall dis- of escape, so with great external calmmiss him."                         ness she said sweetly:Harriet. "I see I speak to no pur-   "I am dressed, dear Reginald."
pose, Miss Courtenav.                "I beg your pardon," said he, as
Caroline. "To very little,  Miss not understanding her.
Seymour."                            "I forgive you," said the sly thing,
Harriet. "I shall say no more, mad- taking him  up, " there are so many
am."                               who do not see the beauty of —all
Caroline. "You have said enough, this: I have promised to wear it tomadam."                            night," continued  she (not allowHarriet. "Since you despise my ing him to get in a word), "and to
advice, please yourself."          compare it calmly and candidly with
Caroline. "I shall take your ad- other costumes;  you will be  so
vice at present."                  amused; and we shall arrive at a real
Harriet. "'But you will never be judgment instead of violent prejumy brother's wife."                dices, which you are above; at least I
Carolne. " Then I shall always be give you credit. I should not admire
mistress in my own house."         you so much as I do if I doubted
Harriet, who was at the door, re- that."
turned as if to speak, but she was too    " Caroline!" said the young genangry; gave it up, and retired half tleman, gravely.
choking.                             "Yes, Reginald!"
A sacred joy filled Caroline's bo-   " Dear Caroline, do you believe I
som, - she had had the last word!   love you? "
As she was about to pass out of the   " Better than I deserve, I dare say,"
room, who should enter hastily but said Caroline.
Reginald Seymour'? - her back was   "No! as you deserve. I will not
towards him.                       own my love inferior even to your
He called to her:" Can you tell merit. Do you believe that when we
me where I shall find Miss Courte- are one my life will be devoted to your
nay, sir? "                       happiness? "
Caroline bit her lips, but she turned    " I am sometimes goose enough to
sharply round, and said: " She is in hope so," murmured Caroline, avertthis room, madam! "               ing her head.
"Oh!" said Reginald.  He add-   " Shall you think ill of me then, if,
ed, "0  Caroline!"  and  looked before marriage, I ask a favor, perpained.                            haps a sacrifice, of you? I feel I shalt
Caroline blushed, and if heavenly not be ungrateful."
looks and little female artifice could   "There," thought Caroline, "I am
have softened censure, they were not not to wear it, - that is plain."
wanting.                             Reginald continued: " If you wear
" What beautiful flowers vou have this dress, you will give me pain besent me! " said she. " See, I threw  yond any pleasure you can derive."
away my formal bouquet for your   "Reginald," said the poor girl, "I
nosegay."                          wish to wear it, — now and then; in" You do me honor," said the deed, I had set my heart on making a
young gentleman, uneasily.         few, a very few - converts to it; see
"Honor! -no! butjustice; a sin- how pretty it is," (no answer); "but
gle violet from  you deserves to be for your sake, when I take it off topreferred to roses and camellias."  night, I will give it away; and it shall
"Dear Caroline! I withdraw, -  never, never offend any more."




PROPRIA QUE MARIBUS.                        281
Reginald kissed her hand.        inspired her proud nature with this
There was a pause.               idea.
"Caroline," said he, stammering,   " He loves his prejudices better than
"you do not quite understand me; you," said Discord; " and this is tyrit is to-day I beg you on no account to anny, - coaxing tyranny if you will,
wear it."                          but still tyranny."
" O, to-day," said she, hastily, "I   On this hint spake Caroline.
have promised to wear it."           " I find I have rivals."
"I entreat you," said he; "con-   " Rivals  "
sider; if you once show yourself to    " In your prejudices! Reginald, neipeople from every part of New York ther person nor thing shall ever be my
in this costume, what more remains rival. Show me at once which you
to be done?"                      love with the deeper affection, Mr. Sey"Reginald! be reasonable," said mour's prejudices, or Caroline CourteCaroline, more coldly. "I stand en- nay. I shall wear this dress to-night,
gaged to some sixty persons to wear -only for a few hours, -consider!
this dress to-night. I have made you you will be here and keep me in couna concession, and with pleasure, be- tenance, - or you don't love me."
cause I make it to you. It is your turn    "No! Caroline!" said Reginald,
now: you must think of me as well as sadly and firmly. "I have spoken;
of yourself, dear Reginald. I am afraid our future life now rests in your hands.
you must shut your eyes on me for a I shall not come,- I shall arrange so
few hours: that will spoil all my pleas- that if you degrade yourself (I still
ure; or you must fancy, as many a cling to the hope you will not) I shall
lover has been able to do, that I con- hear of it, and leave the country that
secrate a dress, not that a dress has minute. Were I to see it, by Heaven I
power to lower me."                should leave the world." He said this
" 0 Caroline, do you value my re- in great heat, but, recovering himself,
spect? "                           said: " Forgive me! " kissed her hand,
" Yes! and therefore I shall keep and went despondently away.
my word, and so you will feel sure I   Caroline, on his departure, wished
shall keep my word to you too, if ever he had gone away in a pet instead of
I promise something about" (blushes sorrowfisl; wished he had been her
and smiles) "Love - honor - and husband to cut the matter short by
obey."                             carrying her in his arms and securing
A battle took place in the young her in his dressing-room till the ball
man's mind.                        was over; wished she had never seen
He took several strides backwards the Bloomer costume; wished she
and forwards.'                      could hide and cry in an attic till all
At last he burst out: " There are was over.
feelings too strong to be conquered by   On her meditations entered a plump
our wishes.                        figure with all manner of expressions
" I cannot bear that my wife should chasing one another over her countedo what three fourths of her sex think nance: this was Eliza, who courtesied
indelicate. We never differed in opin- to attract attention, and, failing, preion before, we never shall again. If sumed that her deportment had not
we do, be assured I will bow to you. corresponded with her costume: so
I would yield here if I could: but I bowed instead, and ducked, and as a
cannot. I think you can; if you can, last resource gave a pull at the top of
have pity on me, and add one more her head.
claim to my life-long gratitude."     Caroline. "Well!"
The balance trembled: the tears   Eliza. "If you please ma'am,were in Caroline's eyes; her bosom  but if you please ma'am am I to say
fluttered: when the Demon of Discord ma'am or sir now ma'am? "




282                  PROPRIA  QUE MARIBUS.
Ccaroline. "Madam will do for the in your old ribs with my rolling-pin,
present."                          Mrs. Primmer."
Eliza. " If you please, ma'am, Kitty    " Until to-day," thought her misthe housemaid, that was to wear the tress, " a look from me was law, and
short-waisted gown before the compa- now every creature  high and low
ny, says she won't put it on for a thwarts and opposes me, - ever since
double dollar."                    I put these vile things on."
Caroline. "Promise her four dollars   Now some would have carried the
then."                             reasoning  out thus - ergo - take
Eliza. " Yes-m."                 these vile things off!
Caroline. "The girl's mother would   But this sweet creature  never
have been as loath to wear a long dreamed of that path of inference.
waist."                              "Of this there can be but one
Eliza. "Yes-m."                  consequence," said she, "I shall do
Caroline. "And to-morrow morning it ten times the more."
tell Primmer to discharge her."      She then burst out crying; which
Eliza. " Yes-m! Oho," thought was an unfair advantage the Bloomer
Eliza, " then now is the time to trim  took over poor Reginald; for after a
that old fagot Primmer."           shower of tears pretty flowers are in" If you please, ma'am, I have the vigorated.
greatest respect for Mrs. Primmer, because she has been here longer than I   Rat a tat! tat a tat, tat! tat! tat!
have, and is a good servant, ma'am, tat!
there's no denying it; but, if you    The guests arrived. We shall only
please,'m, there's no putting Mrs. particularize one: Mr. Fitzpatrick, an
Primmer out of her turnpike road, as Irish gentleman, who had retained the
the saying is. She says, if I don't delightful qualities of his nation, and
make the jellies and blamonge, she'11 rubbed off its ignorance and down its
make you turn me off, ma'am, now  prejudices.
how can I when I've got to learn off   Handsome, gay, and, though not
all those words you gave me if you varnished, polished, he was as charmplease, ma'am, am I to take your or- ing a companion as either a man or
ders or Mrs. Primmer's-m  "        woman could desire.
Caroline. "Now I must ask you a   Fitzpatrick's flattery was agreeable
question, - who are you? "        to the ladies; it was so very sincere,
Eliza. "La, ma'am! I am Eliza, -he really saw en beau both them
mum!  Cook, mum!  I make the and all their ways.
Guava jelly that you like so, ma'am."   At sight of Miss Courtenay in a
Caroline. "Very well! then, Eliza Bloomer, he was ravished.
Cook, for six hours you are my lieu-   "0 Miss Caroline, but that's a beautenant here, and queen in the kitchen; tiful costoome ye've invented; the
give your orders, and discharge Prim- few of us that's left standing will fall
mer, and every man and woman in to-night: ye've no conscience at all."
the house that disobeys you, and I'll   "I did not invent the  hideous
confirm all you do."               thing; it is Bloomer."
Eliza. "Yes-m "  (with flashing   "Bloomer? ye're joking. What!
eyes).                             is it this that they've been running
Caroline. " And, if you abuse your down? 0 the haythen barbarians!!!!
authority, you shall be the first vic- Ye were a rainbow at the last ball,
tim!"                              but now ye're a sunbeam,-ye'll
Eliza. "Yes-m " (crestfallen).   not be for dancing the first dance with
"There," said Eliza to herself, as an uncouth Celt 3"
she absconded with a modest rever-   "You will not be for waiting till
cnce, " I've been and given you a dig the seventh, Mr. Fitzpatrick!"




PROPRIA  QUAE MARIBUS.                      283
"Is it only six ye're engaged? dust tone of a lecturer. "Ladies and
O but I'm in luck to-night."       gentlemen: as you will have to bear
Mr. Fitzpatrick had been for some with many costumes this evening,
time puzzled which he loved most, -  permit me to begin with this:Harriet Seymour or Caroline Courte-   "I wear it, ladies and gentlemen, benay; but last week he had decided in cause it is supposed to confer a right
favor of the latter, without prejudice to be tedious, ahem!
to the former.                       " I am here to attack two principal
The dancing was kept up with some errors.
spirit for two hours; and then Caro-   " One is that such fashions as emline's associates were observed to steal barrass the limbs are of a nature to
out and to make for various apart- last upon earth.
ments in her very large house on the   " The other is that pantaloons are
doors of which their respective names essentially masculine, and sweeping
were written in chalk.             robes feminine.
Results, not processes, are for the   " Ladies and gentlemen, we women
public eye.                        can only predict the Future by examSuffice it to say at present, in excuse ining the Past, - moles and rabbits
of Caroline's obstinacy, that she had may have some other way, though I
been at no small trouble and expense think not. Eliza,
to carry out her little idea. She had
to carry out her little idea. She had   Call back past facts with lessons fraught
also read, drawn, composed, and writ-   To teach us, - if we can be taught.'"
ten. Others that saw the work had
given her credit for some talent, great Eliza opened the door.
talent of course they said; and she was   Miss Spilman the musical associate,
mortified to think her lover would not splashed a magnificent chord on the
give her this opportunity of showing piano, and in sailed Queen Elizabeth!
him her wit, on which she secretly val- I mean a lady in the exact costume in
ued herself more than on her beauty.  which that queen went into the city
A polka concluded. A tide of ser- to return thanks for the destruction
vants poured in.  A  semicircle of of the Spanish Armada.
seats sprung up. A pulpit rose like   Set a stomacher three feet long bean exhalation, and, almost before her tween two monstrous jelly bags, upon
guests could seat themselves, Caro- a bloated bell, and there you have
line was a lecturer wearing over her this queen and her successor in New
Bloomer a B. C. L. gown from Ox- York.
ford, and the four-cornered cap of that   "Ladies and gentlemen," said the
University on her head.            lecturer.
L'Effrontee! Of whom think you   "Common sense fell flatter than
she had borrowed this two days be- Spain, the day Royalty  appeared
fore?  Of Reginald!               thus!
The optimist Fitzpatrick was en-   " Could a duck make a doll, this
chanted.                           would be the result.
She was more beautiful in this than   " Yet this costume, as much admired
even in a Bloomer. And indeed it once as ours is now, is only the prinbecame her; the gravity of the dress ciple of our own carried a step furmade a keen contrast with her arch- ther: at the head of our principle is
ness. She was like a vivid flower the sack, in which rustics jump at a
springing  unexpectedly from  some fair, -next comes Queen Bess, and
time-stained wall, - dancing, vanity, then come we.
wit, pique at Reginald, and the flat-   " With us motion is embarrassed.
tery of others, made her cheek flush,   "With Queen Bess motion is imher eyes flash.                    peded.
"Ahem! " said she, in the dry-as,   "With the sack motion is obstructed.




284                     PIOPRPIA  QUE  MARIBUS.
" In rational and therefore perma- turies: compare the Bloomers with
nent costumes motion is free, - Vide  each in turn, and you will be on the
Time and the World."                   path of truth."
Armenian,  Polish, and  Sicilian
peasants were then introduced, whose
With a multiplicity of affectation  limbs were free  enough, goodness
in came a courtier the point of whose knows: they ranged themselves in a
shoes  touched  his knees, and  he line opposite their stiff competitors,
seemed proud of them.                   and a Bloomer took up the recitative.
No remark was made: this thing
spNo   remark was made: this thing   All these, unlike the Bloomer, confine the
spoke for itself. was herdanwith        limbs and make the ribs to crack.
Next a noise was heard, and with   All those, like Bloomers, free the mind, the
infinite difficulty a lady was squeezed    body, and the back.
in who wore the genuine hoop.             So hail to great Amelia, who takes a sex out
Two short-waisted ladies came in.        of a sack."
Everybody laughed at the sight of
them.
Her success taking this form, one of   " For grace is motion unconfined,
them  burst out a crying: this was          Like rippling sea or sweeping wind,
Kitty, who was instantly  attempted         Free as the waves of yellow corn
t   That bows to greet the breezy morn."
to be consoled (as the papers phrase
it) by Mr. Fitzpatrick; he told her    The applause had but just subsided,
nothing  could disguise her comeli- when a clear, rich, quaint voice arose,
ness; and really thought so at the and to the surprise of the company
moment.                                trilled forth the following stanza to
This dress set people talking; those some fossil tune, - Chevy chase, we
who  had worn it confessed to the  really believe.
younger ones'that they had thought
it beautiful, and had anticipated the   ", The ass with four legs has the wit
destruction of Nature as soon as the       None of those four to tether,
But there's a greater ass with two
demise of this phase of the unnatural.     That ties those two together."
Then followed jigot sleeves.
Two chords were struck on  the  While the others sat aghast at this
piano, and Miss Courtenay resumed  stanza, Fitzpatrick   was  gratified.
her lecture thus: -                     "Now that was like honey dropping
from the comb," observed he.
RECITATIVE.                   "Now you know, Mr. Fitzpatrick, it' All these good people when they were here was like vinegar distilling from   a
thought they must be here forever.    cruet," replied Miss Courtenay.
Or as long as men and women and Prim-    " There swas an agreeable acidularose Hill and the Mississippi River.   tion,  compared  with  yours, Miss
But they proved more like the flower than
the hill that bears its name.     Courtenay, but, in itself, delicious! 
And, instead of the great Mississippi, they  retorted the optimist.
were bubbles floating down that same."    "Ladies and gentlemen," said the
modern Portia, "the first head of my
SONG.                  lecture is before you.  I am  now to
" Such fashions are like poppies spread:  prove that pantaloons are not necesYou seize the flower, the bloom is fled:   sarily masculine, nor long skirts femiOr like a snow-flake on a river,    nine."
A moment seen then gone forever.'
On this entered two Persian women
"We have shown you the costumes in gorgeous costume and very spathat could not stand the shock of cious trousers.
time; you shall now see what sort of    They salaamed to Caroline and the
costumes have stood the brunt of cen- Bloomers, but seemed staggered  by




PIROPRIA  QUE Ai MARIBUS.                    285
the other figures.  Whilst they whis-   Fatima. "It is well spoken: it is
pered and eyed the company, Caro- also a nation which sups on opium,
line lectured.                       and drinks hot wine as a camel sucks
"Ladies, this costume is worn by water in the desert.  We will therehalf the well-dressed women in the fore sit on ottomans and laugh."
world; and we must not flatter our-   Zuleina. "Bechishm! on my eyes
selves we are more feminine than be it."
Mussulwomen. On the contrary, these   Fatima. " Seven days."
pantalooned females practise a reserve,   Zuleima. "And seven nights."
compared with which the modesty of   Fatima. "At these children."
Europe is masculine impudence."        Zuleima. "Of burnt fathers."
A  Lady. "Make them  speak. I   Fatima and  Zuleima. "We will
don't think they are women at all."  laughCaroline. " They are women, I as-         Seven days
sure you, Miss White; for one of them        And seven nights
has just borrowed a pin of me."              At these children
Ml1iss ]WV. " Then why don't they          Of burnt fathers! "
talk? "                              They then sat like little tailors on
Caroline. "I-Ie! he! the inference two ottomans opposite each other, and,
is just.  They are going to speak un- nodding like mandarins, laughed meless they have forgotten all I -"   chanically, as became people, who
Zuleimna. " They have feet and even were going to make seven nights of
legs. 0 Holy Prophet, here are wo- it.
men who muffle their feet, and reveal   Caroline. "Adsis, 0  Cato! Call
their necks to the gaze of man."    him, Eliza."
Fatima. "What dirt has this peo-   Eliza. "If you please,'um, would
ple eaten?  Can this. be the great you say them words again."
Frank nation whose ships subdue ev-   Caroline. "Adsis, 0 Cato."
ery sea, and whose wisdom and prob-   Eliza. " Assist us, old King Cole! "
ity are such that the evil spirit him-   Cato swept in with a magnificent
self cannot get the better of them in toga.
making bargains? are these sea-kings   "Adsum," said he, "quis me vosprung from lunatics, who hide their  at 3"
feet which were made for show and
motion, and reveal their faces and    Caroline. "Be pleased, sir, to tell
necks, which is unlawful?"         us which are the most masculine and
Zuleima. "Daughter of the Com- which the most feminine of these
mander of the Faithful, your slave souls."
has an idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! "  Cato folded his arms and took three
Fatima (startled). "Bismillah! In  antique strides.   "These cackling
the name of the Prophet, let me hear creatures," said he, "are Persian woit.".                             men, this " (Eliza) "is a native I beZusleima. " Three revolutions of the lieve of some barbarous country not
moon are completed since we sailed yet under the dominion of Rome."
in ships from Istanboul: in the mean    Eliza. " Nor don't mean to."
time Sheitan has doubtless obtained    Cato. "These with black plaster
permission to derange this people's stuck to them are of the genus simii,
intellects, that so they may be con- or apes. The rest with togm but no
verted to the true faith, the faith of beards are, I suppose, of the Epicene
Islam.  Thus, their brains being con- gender, - dismiss me."
founded, they muffle their feet and re-          A CHORD.
veal their necks without shame to the
gaze of man.  Your slave has spo-   Cato. "Abeo" (chord) "excedo"
ken! ".                            (chord) " evado" (chord) "erumpo."




286                  PPROPRIA QUIE MARIBUS.
Four strides, one for each verb, took selves on the paper. She gave a cry
hin out with a sharp and pleasing ef- like one wounded, and, stretching out
feet.                              her hands with a tender helplessness
This ended the lecture; and a dance that at once gave the lie to her dress,
of all ages and climes was proposed.  she sank insensible into Mr. Fitzpat"I can't hop, as you do nowa- rick's arms.
days," remonstrated the hoop. "I   The steamboat was taking Reginald
was taught to dance."              past her window to England.
"Grace was i.n all my steps," said
the courtier.                                         -
Said Caroline: "Dance in your own
way, dress in your own way, and let          CHAPTER V.
your neighbors have their way; that
is the best way! "                  SEVERAL months after this event,
A dance was then played with no a young gentleman was seated in a
very marked accent; and mighty study, book in hand, but by no efforft
pleasant it was to see couples polk- could he give his mind to the book:
ing, couples gavotting with all the he sighed; turned the leaves, and
superstition of antiquated grace, -and  gave it up in despair, - this was Regiwaltzes and jigs and tarantula: the nald Seymour, whose offended dignisanctified solemnity with which polite ty and delicacy had borne him stiffly
people frisk was for this once ex- up for five months, but could support
changed for sly gravity and little him no longer.
bursts of merriment. BOOM!          He had now had leisure to rememA gun at sea.                    her the many high qualities of her
The great steamer was starting for whose one fault he had thought unEngland.                           pardonable. He had flung away a
It was a brilliant moonlight. There jewel for a single flaw: jewels are
was a general move to the supper- rare: he began to think he had been
room, which had four windows look- a fool, and to know he was wretched.
ing seaward.                         What was to be done 2 he had
One old lady lingered a moment to been silent so long, that now he was
convey to her host her opinion of ttie ashamed to write, and when he had
lecture.                           with a great struggle determined to
"You are a very clever young lady! make the first overtures, a letter from
your lecture was very ingenious."  his sister had given him a mysterious
"I am  fortunate in your friendly hint that it would now be too late to
consideration of it, madam," said Car- attempt an accommodation.
oline.. Reginald was not one of those who
"The women in trousers were fun- babble their griefs, and cure themny! "                             selves in ten days by tormenting all
" If it gave my friends a smile, Miss their friends.
Ruth."                               He was silent, distracted, reserved.
"It will make Bloomers, I believe.   His own family, who guessed the
It was as good as a play, Miss Courte- cause of his low spirits, respected him
nay; and I shall never enter your too much to approach the subject, or
house again, madam!"  With this to let strangers into the secret.
conclusion, Miss Ruth became a ver-   They permitted him to be miseratical rod and marched off.         ble in peace..
The next moment a servant brought'He thanked them in his heart, and
Caroline a letter; she opened it.. A  availed himself to the full of their
smile with which she was listening to kind permission.
Fitzpatrick's admiration became  a   He took possession of a room whose
stone smile, as her eyes fixed them- windows looked on Courtenay Court,




PROPRIA  QUXE MARIBUS.                       287
and in that room, in the company of few million years of mammoths, who
the immortal dead, - il s'ennuyait.    preceded man by a few thousand years
One of these painful reveries was only; at least I think so, since the flesh
interrupted by a visitor, an old gen- of mammoths has been found in ice in
tleman in black gaiters and a white our own day."
head; it was the Reverend James    The old gentleman then hinted,
Tremaine, Perpetual Curate of Cony- with a twinkle of the eye, that this
ton. An old and true friend of both science has also its prose; that, by
houses, and Reginald's tutor for many breaking stones with iron in them,
years, Mr. Tremaine had not seen his men have repaired their shattered fordepression without interest. He was tunes; -that coal, silver, iron, and
acquainted with the cause.  The Sey- even gold are as common as dirt,
mours had few  secrets from  him. only not quite so superficial; and that
Certain features in fevery story vary geology, really mastered, would teach
according to the side we hear it from; its proficient the signs of their presand Mr. Tremaine secretly congratu- ence, that it would be better to circulated Reginald on his escape from a late over the face of Devonshire with
strong-minded woman; he called, not hammer and book, than to be a prey
to keep his pupil's mind fixed on the to weariness without the excuse of
subject, but to divert him from it.    work.
After  noticing with  regret the    Mr. Tremaine had not observed
young  man's depression, he asked what we have, that snobs in fustian
permission to be his physician.     jackets, without a single hard word to
" I see," said he, " what it is, you  their backs, find all the gold and all
want some fixed intellectual pursuit; the coal that is found, and science
will you allow me to recommend you finds the crustaceorii dun culwe.
one l"                                 As for botany, Mr. Tremaine rec"As many as you like, dear sir," ommended it only as a relaxation of
said Reginald, " for I am wearied of the more useful study; at the same
my life. I have nothing to do," add- time he hinted it was amusing to be
ed he, thinking he was throwing dust able to classify plants, not by their
in his mentor's eyes.                properties, but their petals, and to call
Mr. Tremaine took his cue, and  everything -by its long name that bethen and there proposed to his late longs to twenty other things as well,
pupil's attention an interesting pur- instead of knowing each by a peculiar
suit, - suited to that part of the coun- title, as the vulgar unscientific do.
try,- Geology. "It is a science,"    " 0, le plaisant projet!" exclaims
said he, "which lifts you out of this my reader, " he knows the boy is in
ignorant present, and transports you love, and prescribes geology and botinto various stages of this earth's ex- any."
istence; you learn on its threshold    Well, is not one folly best cured by
what a mushroom in this world's great another? But is this sort of thing
story is the author of the Pyramids.   folly, especially in a youth born to
" You find that the earth was red- fortune?
hot for millions of years, and spouted   Experience is our only safe guide
liquid stone like a whale, - in that in all things, - and experience proves
stone look for no signs of vegetation, that geology and botany are roads to
and still fewer of life. Then for mil- happiness.
lions of years the upper crust has been    Other things are constantly tried in
cooling, and water depositing rubbish vain, - these seldom fail.
which has coagulated into stone; and   Ambition is raging agitation foIin this stratified stone you shall find lowed by bitter disappointment.
things that lived or grew very late in    Wit, an unruly engine, recoils on
the world's history, in fact within a him that plays it.




288                  PROPRIA  QUJE MARIBUS.
Politics, love, theology, - art, are   " More importance than sunshin,"9
full of thorns; but when you see a said the old gentleman, faintly.
man perched like a crow on a rock,   "Yes! see! the smoke from those
chipping it, you see a happy dog, chimneys!  "
You who are on the  lookout for   Mr. Tremaine looked, and Courtebeauty find irregular features or lack- nay Court was. smoking from a dozen
lustre dolls, -you who love wit are chimneys at once. He was taken off
brained with puns or ill-nature, the his guard.
two forms of wit that exist out of   "She must be come home," said
books: but the hammerist can jump he,, "or coming."
out of his gig at any turn of the   Reginald seized him by the hand.
road and find that which his soul
desires; the meanest stone a boy
throws at a robin is millions of years
older than the Farnese Hercules,            CHAPTER  VI.
and has a history and a sermon to
it.                                  MR. TREnmAINE was right, CaroStones are curious things. If a line was expected at Courtenay Court.
man is paid for brealting them he is The next day she arrived, bringing
wretched: but if he can bring his Miss Seymour, who went to her famind to do it gratis he is at the sum- ther's house.
mit of content.                      They had been escorted across the
With these men life is a felicitous water by Mr. Fitzpatrick, but he redream, -they are not subject to low  mained in town.  Before they left
spirits; they smile away their human New. York this gentleman had deday; and when they are to die they clared himself Caroline's  professed
are content. Is it because they can admirer. Caroline asked him  with
take anything easy by giving it a hard some archness which he loved best,
name? is the grave to them a creta- her or Miss Seymour. The question
ceous or argillaceous or ferrugineous staggered him for a moment, - but'
bed?                               he said, "Can you ask?"  CrossNo! It is because their hobbies examined however, he was brought to
have been innocent; and other men's this, that he liked Caroline a shade
hobbies are often full of vice.    better than Harriet.
They have broken stones, while   During  the voyage  home  Mr.
egotists have been breakinog human Fitzpatrick lost a portion of his gayhearts.                            ety, and was seen at times to be
Mr. Tremaine was enlarging on grave and perplexed,- novel phesuch topics with more eloquence and nomenon.:%_ethod than I, when his patient be-   Harriet Seymour and Caroline had
came animated with a sudden expres- got over their tiff, and indeed Harriet
sion of surprise, hope, joy.       for months past had sided  rather
He looked out of the window.     with her friend than her brother.
The old gentleman  looked too. " Caroline  was wrong," said she;
"Ah"  cried  he, "I see!  Yes! "but Reginald was more wrong. He
Reginald! that is better than science ought to have forgiven a woman a
and beyond the power of art."      caprice."  Harriet therefore spent the
"Yes," said Reginald.            evening of her arrival at home, but
"That glorious breadth of golden early next morning she rode over to
sunlight that streams across that Courtenay Court to bear her friend'oliage " continued the savant.    company. She was the more eager
"Sunshine and leaves! " cried Regi- to lend her her countenance because
nald " it is something of more impor- others were so hard upon her. For
tance I am looking at."            the evening of her arrival Caroline




PROPRIA  QUX  MARIBUS.                      289
was discussed at Seymour Hall. The   Harriet implored her friend never to
old people, including Mr. Tremaine, mention that word again. "Bloomer I
spoke of her with horror. Tomboy, It is the cause why we are all unhapvixen, and even strong-minded wo-  p."
man, from  which Heaven  defend   "What, are you unhappy? What
males!  They congratulated  them- about? 0, lie will be here to-day,
selves and Reginald on his escape from. dear, - ten to one."
her. Reginald maintained a dogged    " Who?"
silence. But when Harriet stoutly    "Mr. Fitzpatrick!"
defended  his late  sweetheart, and    " Mr. Fitzpatrick is your lover, not
declared that her faults were only on mine," said Harriet, coloring all over.
the surface, he cast a look of gratitude    "So he is: I forgot! 0, look at
at her, that she caught and compre- the tail of your gown, - three straws,
hended. Nor was her defence quite two sticks, and such a long brier."
lost on others. Mr. Tremaine asked   Harriet. " Put your foot on it, dear!
her quietly: "Has Miss Courtenay  These lawyers are the plague of this
really anything good about her? " county."
" Judge for yourself" replied H1arriet,   Caroline. "Lawyers?"
with a toss of the head; "call on   Ialrriet. "I forgot, you don't know
her, - she is vour parishioner."   our country terms: wve call these long
"Humph! Idon't like strong-mind- briers lawyers, because when once
ed women; they say she can swim  they get hold of you -"
into the bargain; but I certainly will   Caroline. "I understand. All to
call on her."                      be avoided by a little Bloomer."
To return, Caroline and Harriet were   Harriet. "Now, Caroline, don't! I
walking in the grounds of Courtenay  wish the woman had never been born!
Court, at some distance fronm  the Let us go into the shade."
house: Harriet was lionizing the mis-   An observer of the sex might have
tress, showing her her beauties, the  noticed the same languor and the
famous old vew-tree, the narrow but same restlessness in both these ladies,
deep water that meandered through though one was Yankee and one Engher grounds, and each admired view  lish.
and nook. It was charming; and    At last they fell into silence. It was
both ladies did loud admiration, and  Caroline who broke this silence.
did not care a button for it all.    " Nobody comes to welcome me, or
Hiarriet. "Is Mr. Fitzpatrick com- even sends. How  hospitable these
ing to-day  "                      British are! If I had quarrelled with
Caroline. " I don't know.' What a any one in their own country, and then
curious bridge! It looks like a long they came to mine, I should be gen —
gate, - shall we cross it?"       erous: I should make that an excuse
lharriet. "Not for the world, -the  for holding out the hand, and being
water is ever so deep."            friends any way, if I could be nothing
Caroline. "I do not mean cross the more. But the people here are not
water, only the bridge."           of my mind. All the worse for them.
Harriet. " But see how crazy it is: Much I care. I shall go and see where
the wood is so old. Nobody has lived they have buried my father (I don't
here ever so long: and then it is so believe he would have died ii: lie had
hard to keep on it too."           not come here), and then I shall go
Caroline looked wistfullyatthe prim- back home across the water to my
itive bridge. " If I had my Bloomer country, where men know  how to
on I would soon be over it," said quarrel, ay, and fight too, and then
she; "but this appendage would catch drop it when it is done with."
my feet and draggle in the water at   Thus spake the Yankee girl. The
every step."                       English girl colored up: but she did
13                                     t




290                  PROPRIA QUIE MARIBUS.
not answer back, except by turning singular beauty and grace glided into
brimming eyes and a look of gentle the room. She was dressed richly, but
reproach on her.                   very plainly. Mr. Tremaine looked
On this, partly because she was un- at her with surprise. "Are you Miss
happy, partly because this mild look  Courtenay? "
pricked her great though wayward    She smiled sweetly and told him
heart, the Yankee girl began to cry she was Miss Courtenay. She added
bitterly.                          that Mr. Tremaine was no stranger
On this, the English girl flung her to her, - she had often heard of him
arms round the Yankee girl's neck, and his virtues, in happier days.
and cried with her.                After that she thanked him for being
the first to welcome her home.
"Dearest, he loves you still."'" We shall all feel flattered at your
"Still, - he never loved me, Har- calling it home, Miss Courtenay: we
riet! 0 no, he never loved me! Oh! must try and keep you here after
oh! "                             that."
"You forget, - I have been home
- I have seen him. He is pale - he   In about ten minutes the intelligent
is sad."                           young beauty had not only dissolved
" That is a c-c-comfort, — I w-w- Mr. Tremaine's prejudices against her,
wish he was at d-d-death's door!"    but had substituted a tolerably strong
" He is far more unhappy than you prejudice in her favor.
are."                                "This quiet, lady-like, dignified,
" I am so glad, I don't believe it." gentle, amiable, beautiful young wo" You may believe it. I have seen man a tomboy i " said he to himself.
it."                               "I don't believe it. It surpasses beAt this moment a servant was seen lief: it is false."
approaching: he came up, touched his   There was a pause.
hand to Caroline with a world of ob-   "Miss Courtenay," began the old
sequiousness, and informed her the gentleman, "your late father during
parson had called to see her and was the short time he was among us gained
in the drawing-room.               the respect of the whole country. I
" The parson  "                  cannot help thinking you will be his
" The Reverend Mr. Tremaine, successor in our esteem as well as in
miss."                             Courtenay Court."
" A great friend of our family," ex-   Miss Courtenay bowed with quiet
plained Harriet.                   dignity.
"Ah, tell me all about him as we   "The worst of it is, we are an
go along."                         old-fashioned people here in Devon-,-s-~             shire. We are strait-laced, perhaps too
strait-laced - ahem! in short, shall I
CHAPTER VII.              be presuming too far on our short acquaintance if (pray give me credit
Mr. Tremaine. "Will she receive for friendly motives) I ask permission
me in a Bloomer i"                 to put you a question? But no, -
Harriet. "I don't know. I hope when I look at you, - it is impossinot. She was decent a minute ago."  ble."
Tremaine. "Perhaps she has gone   "What is impossible, sir?"
to put one on."                      " That you can ever have - by the
Harriet gave a start, and had a mis- by, they say you can swim, Miss
giving, Caroline being a devil. "Heav- Courtenay "; and the old gentleman
en forbid," she cried, " I will go and colored a bit.
see."                                "A little, not worth boasting of,"
The next minute a young lady of replied Caroline, modestly. "I think




PROPRIA  QUEI MARIBUS.                     291
I could make shift to swim across this that becomes all women, at all times
room, if the sea was in it."       and occasions of life.  There are
" O,. no farther than that? well, plenty of boys of sixteen or seventeen,
there is not much harm in that. But who could be dressed as women and
they do say you have done us the eclipse all the women in a ball-room:
honor, ahem, to wear male habili- but it would be indelicate and unmanments. Is that true? "            ly; you, with your youthful symmet"Indeed, Mr. Tremaine, I have. rical figure, could eclipse most young
Let - me - see! I think it was at a meh in their own habiliments: but it
fancy ball; in my own house; at would be indelicate and unwonnmanly.
New York."  The words were said Forgive me,- I distress you."
with assumed carelessness and candor.   " No, sir, but you convince me, and
"What, on no other occasion?'"  that is new to me. I admit this argu"On no other public occasion. ment at once, and so I would have done
Why? "                            six months ago; but no one had the
"Then really I think too much has intelligence to put the matter to me
been made of it. But you are said to so," said the sly thing.
advocate the Bloomer costume."       " You seem to be a very reasonable
"I have often advocated it in words, young lady."
sir, but wearing it is a different matter,    I try to be: it is the only merit I
you know."                         have."
"Very different, very different in-   "There I must contradict you
deed," said Tremaine, hastily.     again, and stoutly. Well, then, since
" I could not help advocating it, the Bloomer difficulty is despatched,
its adversaries argued  so weakly let me have the honor and happiness
against it.  Shall I repeat their argu- of reconciling an honorable young
ments, and my own "                man to the most charming young
" If you please."                lady I have met with this many a day."
Caroline then, with the calm indif-   The charming young lady froze
ference of a judge, stated the usual directly.
arguments pro and con, and did not   " I will not affect to misunderstand
fail to dwell upon the trousers of you, sir. But the difference between
Eastern women. Mr. Tremaine took Mr. Seymour and myself lies deeper
her up: " There is a flaw in your rea- than this paltry dress, - lies too deep
soning, I think," said he. "Those for you to cure. The Bloomer was a
Eastern women distinguish themselves mere pretext. Mr. Seymouir did not
from men by a thick veil. They all love me."
wear a thick veil.                   "Excuse me. I know better."
" It appears to me that the true ar-   "When we love people, we forgive
gument against Bloomer has never their faults. We forgive their virtues
been laid before you. It is this. In even."
every civilized nation the entire sex is   Mr. Tremaine looked at her with
distinguished by some marked cos- some surprise! The Devonshireladies
tume. But Bloomer proposes that had not tongues so pointed as the fair
one third of the women should be at Yankees.
variance with the other two thirds."    "He did love you; he does love
" 0 no, sir, she is for dressing them  you! "
all in Bloomer."                     "No, Mr. Tremaine! no! Was
"No. Excuse me: how would old that a fault for any one, who really
women and fat women look in a loved me, to quarrel out and out with
Bloomer? how would young matrons a spoiled child for? "  Here two tears,
look at that period when a woman is the one real, the other crocodile, ran
most a woman?  No; the dress of down her lovely cheeks and did the
women must clearly be some dress poor old gentleman's business entirely.




292                  PROPRIA  QUA  MAIAIBtUS.
"He deserves to be hanged," cried   Harriet made no reply. She marched
he, jumping up in great heat. "Young off stiffly.  The Bloomer followed,
fool! but he does love you, tenderly, and tried to appease her by reminding
sincerely!  He has never been happy her how hard it was to give in as long'
since. He never will be happy, till as a chance of victory remained.
you are reconciled to him. He is wait- " Hard M it is impossible, - it hurts! "
ing in great anxiety for my return. No answer.
I shall tell him  to ride over here,   "It was all that dear old man's
and just go down - on - his - knlees fault, for letting out that he loves me
to you and ask your forgiveness. If still, and is unhappy: so then he is
he does, will you forgive him? "  in my power, and I can't give in now:
" I will try, sir," said Caroline, and I won't. No! let us see whether
doubtfully; " but he owes mich to his it is me or my clothes he loves. Ah!
advocate, and so you must tell him."  ah. O my dear girl, here he comes!
" I shall be vain enough to tell him  let me get behind you. O dear, I wish
so, you may depend"; and away I hadn't!"
went Mr. Tremaine, Caroline's devot-   Sure enough Reginald was coming
ed champion through thick and thin down to the other side of the stream.
from  this hour. As he rode away,   Caroline got half behind Harriet.
zeal and benevolence shining through   Reginald came along the bridge to
him, Caroline said dryly to herself: join them.
" I am your friend for life, old boy."   " I wish it would break down," said
Harriet came in and heard the news. Caroline, "and then I'd run home,
She was delighted. Reginald will be and I know what I would do."
here as fast as his horse's feet can   The words were out of her mouth
carry him. Mr. Tremaine is all-pow- and no more, when some portion of
crful in our house.                the rotten wood gave way, and splash
"So I concluded from  what you went Reginald into the water. Hartold me," said Caroline; demurely, riet screamed. Caroline laughed; but
" and I - hem - will you excuse me her laughter was soon turned to disfor half an hour  "                may. Reginald sank. He came up
"Yes, dear, you will find me on the and struggled towards the wood-work,
lawn."                             but in vain: the current had carried
Full three quarters of an hour had him a yard or two from it, and even
elapsed, and Harriet was beginning  that small space ihe could not recover.
to wonder what had become of her He was too proud to cry for help, but
friend, when a musical laugh rang be- he was drowning.
hind her. She turned round and be-   "He can't swim," cried Caroline,
held a sight that made her scream  and she dashed into the stream like a
with terror and dismay, - there stood 8water-spaniel: in two strokes she was
Caroline in propria quma maribus, as beside him  and seized him  by the
bold as brass.                     hair. One stroke took her to the remnant of the bridge; "Lay hold of
that, Reginald,"shecried; he obeyed,
and while she swam ashore he worked
CHAPTER  VIII.             along the wooden bridge to the bank.
The moment she saw him safe she beTHE face of uneasy defiance Caro- gan to laugh again, and then what
line got up, when Harriet faced her, does my lady do but sets off running
was truly delicious. " It is all over," home full pelt before he could say a
gasped Harriet, " you are incuvable."  word to her? IIe followed her, crying,
"He loves me," explained Caro- "Caroline, Caroline!"  It was no
line. "When I felt like giving in, I use, she was in her Bloomer, and ran
did n't think he loved me."        like a doe.




PROPRIA QUE MARPIBUS.                      293
"0  Reginald, go home and change   Fitzpatrick. "I will." N. B. An
your clothes," cried the tender Hiar- Irishman always consents, and never
riet.                             says " Yes."
"What, go home, before I have   Caroline (with a twinkle in her eye).
thanked my guardian angel, - my " Will you do me a favor  "
beloved?"                           Fitz. " I will."
" Your guardian angel must change    Csarol. "Do you see that lady sither clothes (they are spoiled forever ting there?"  (Harriet.)
now, that is one comfort), and you   Fitz. "I do" (coloring).
must change yours, - you wili catch    Carol. " Go and marry her."  And
your death."                       she gave him a push that seemed less
"At least tell her she shall wear than a feather, but somehow it prowhat she pleases -tell her -"      pelled Fitz all across the room  and
"I will tell her nothing; come and sent him down on his knees before
tell it her yourself in dry clothes; Harriet. There were only these three
frightening me so!"              in the room.
Reginald ran to the stables, got his
horse, galloped home; dressed him-   Mr. Tremaine married two couples
self and galloped back, and came in one day: Reginald and Caroline,
into Caroline's drawing-room, open- Fitzpatrick and Harriet. I ought to
mouthed: " Wear what you like, dear explain to those who have not seen it
Caroline; why, where is the Bloomer that during the voyage Fitz had disgone  you're in a gown! No mat- covered it was Harriet he loved a shade
ter - forgive me - 0 forgive me - I the best of the two.
have been ungrateful once - I never   At the wedding breakfast, arrayed
will again, my beloved - what, did I in white and adorned with wreaths,
not owe you enough before, that you both the Yankee and the English beaumust save my life? 0 Caroline! one ty, were intolerably lovely. No one
word! can the devotion of a life re- seemed more conscious of this double
store me the treasure I once had and fact than Fitz. Caroline observed his
trifled with l"  Then he fell to kiss- looks and said to him confidentially:
ing her hands and her gown.        "Would n't you like to have married
Then she, seeing him quite over- both ladies now? tell the truth!!!"
come, turned all woman.              "Indeed and I would," replied the
" Reginald," she murmured, and candid Celt, unconscious of any satire
sank upon his neck, all her archness in the question.
dissolving for one sacred moment in   America takes two hundred thoutears and love.                    sand English every year: we have got
this one Yankee in return, and we
"What did you say about Bloom- mean to keep her.
er, Reginald, dear  "                A year after they had been married,
"I said you should wear whatever she wanted to give her Bloomer to one
vou liked, sweet one."             of the stable boys.
" 0, then we are never to agree; for   " What, the dress you saved my life
I mean to wear whatever you like."  in? " cried Reginald. " I would not
This was "the way to take her," part with it to a prince for the price
one of that sort.                  of a king's ransom."
They are to be made slaves of just   Lads and lasses, this story is what I
as easily as the hen-hearted ones. have called it, a jeu d'esprit: written
But ye must not show them the chain. for.your amusement, and intended not
Mr. Fitzpatrick came in the after- to improve you, instruct you, or elenoon.                             vate your morals.  Receive it so!
Caroline. "Mr. Fitzpatrick, will and, when next we meet, majora cayou come here? "                   aanlus!








THE BOX TUNNEL.
A FACT.








THE BOX TUNNEL.
T HE 10.15 train glided from Pad- face, jostling mine and other people's,
dington, May 7, 1847. In the left who have none: - in a word, he was
compartment of a certain first-class what one oftener hears of than meets,
carriagewere four passengers; of these, a!yougq gentleman. He was conversing
two were worth description. The lady in an animated whisper with a comhad a smooth, white, delicate brow, panion, a fellow-officer, - they were
strongly marked eyebrows, long lash- talking about, what it is far better not
es, eyes that seemed to change color, to do, women. Our friend clearly did
and a good-sized delicious mouth, with not wish to be overheard, for lie cast,
teeth as white as milk. A man could ever and anon, a furtive glance at his
not see her nose for her eyes and fair vis-a-vis and lowered his voice. She
mouth, her own sex could and would seemed completely absorbed in her
have told us some nonsense about it. book, and that reassured him. At last
She wore an unpretending grayish the two soldiers came down to a whisdress, buttoned to the throat, with loz- per, and in that whisper (the truth
enge-shaped buttons, and a Scotch must be told) the one who got down
shawl that agreeably evaded the re- at Slough, and was lost to posterity,
sponsibility of color. She was like a bet ten pounds to three, that he who
duck, so tight her plain feathers fit- was going down with us to Bath and
ted her; and there she sat, smooth, immortality, would not kiss either of
snug, and delicious, with a book in the ladies opposite upon the road.
her hand and a soupyon of her snowy " Done! Done! "  Now I am sorry
wrist just visible as she held it. Her a man I have hitherto praised should
opposite neighbor was what I call a have lent himself, even in a whisper,
good style of man, - the more to his to such a speculation: but " nobody is
credit, since he belonged to a corpora- wise at all hours," not even when the
tion that frequently turns out the worst clock is striking five-and-twenty; and
imaginable style of young man. He you are to consider his profession, his
was a cavalry officer aged twenty-five. good looks, and the temptation, - ten
lHe had a mustache, but not a repul- to three.
sive one; not one of those sub-nasal   After Slough the party was reduced
pig-tails, on which soup is suspended  to three: at Twyford one lady dropped
like dew on a shrub; it was short, her handkerchief; Captain Dolignan
thick, and black as a coal. His teeth fell on it like a tiger and returned it
had not yet been turned by tobacco like a lamb; two or three words were
smoke to the color of tobacco juice, his interchanged on that occasion. At
clothes did not stick to nor hang on Reading the Marlborough of our tale
him, they sat on him; he had an engag- made one of the safe investments of
ing smile, and, what I liked the dog for, that day; he bought a " Times " and
his vanity, which was inordinate, was a "Punch"; the latter was full of
in its proper place his heart, not in his steel-pen thrusts and wood-cdts. Vall3-*



298                     THE BOX TUNNEL.
or and beauty deigned to laugh at Miss Haythorn the following: "A
some inflated humbug or other punc- lady and her husband sat together
tured by Punch. Now laughing to- going through the Box Tunnel, -
gether thaws our human ice; long  there was one gentleman opposite; it
before Swindon it was a talking was pitch-dark; after the Tunnel the
match, -at Swindon who so devoted lady said,' George, how absurd of you
as Captain Dolignan,- he handed to salute me going through the tunthem  out, - he souped them, - he nel!'-' I did no such thing!'-' You
tough-chickened them, - he brandied did n't?' -'No! why' -'  Why,
and cochinealed*" one, and he brani- because  somehow I  thought you
died and burnt-sugared the other; on did!'"   Here  Captain  IDolignan'.
their return to the carriage, one lady laughed, and endeavored to lead his
passed into the inner compartment to companion to laugh, but it was not to
inspect a certain gentleman's seat on be done. The train entered the tunnel.
that side the line.  -               M-iss Haythorn. "Ah! "
Reader, had it been you or I, the   Dolignan. " What is the matter?"
beauty would have been the deserter,  HMiss Haqthorn. " I am frightened."
the average one would have stayed    Dolignan  (moving to her side).
with us till all was blue, ourselves in- "Pray do not be alarmed, I am near
cluded; not more surely does our you."
slice of bread and butter, when it es-  VMiss Hcythorn. " You are near me,
capes from our hand, revolve it ever very near me indeed, Captain Doligso often, alight face downwards on the nan."
carpet. But this was a bit of a fop,   Dolignan. "You know my name!"
Adonis, dragoon, - so Venus re-   Miss Haythorn. "I heard your fiiend
mained in tdte-.-tdte with him. You mention it. I wish we were out of this
have seen a dog meet an unknown  dark place."
female of his species; how  hand-   Dolignan. "I could be content to
some, how empresse, how expressive spend hours here, reassuring you,
he becomes: such was Dolignan af- sweet lady."
ter Swindon, and, to do the dog jus-   Miss taythlorn. "Nonsense!"
tice, he got handsomer and hand-   Dolignan. "Pweep!" (Grave readsomer; and you have seen a cat con- er, do not put your lips to the cheek
scious of approaching cream, - such of the next pretty creature you meet,
was Miss Haythorn; she became de- or you will understand what this
murer and demturer: presently our means.)
Captain looked out of window and   M2iss Haythorn. "ee! Ee! Ee! "
laughed; this elicited an inquiring   Friend. "What is the matter  "
look from  Miss Haythorn.  "We   Miss Haythorn. "Open the door!
are only a mile from the Box Tun- open the door! "
nel."-" Do you always laugh a    There was a sound of hurried whismile from the Box Tunnel  " said the pers, the door was shut and the blind
lady.                              pulled down with hostile sharpness.
"Invariably."                      If any critic falls on me for putting
" What for  "                    inarticulate sounds in a dialogue as
"Why! hem! it is a gentleman's above, I answer with all the insolence
joke."                             I can command  at present, "Hit
" O, I don't mind its being silly, if boys as big as yourself," bigger perit makes me laugh."  Captain Dolig- haps, such as Sophocles, Euripides,
nan, thus. encouraged, recounted to and Aristophanes; they began it, and
I learned it of them, sore against my
*This is supposed to allude to two decoc-will
tions called port and sherry, and imagined by wl
one earthly nation to partake of a vinous na-   I iss Haythorn's scream lost a part
ture.                              of its effect because the engine whis



THE BOX TUNNEL.                          299
tied forty thousand murders at the White the ~3 that he may think you
same moment; and fictitious grief have lost the bet."
makes itself heard when real can-   " That is hard when I won it!"
not.                                 " Do it for all that, sir."
Between the tunnel and Bath our   Let the disbelievers in human peryoung friend had time to ask himself fectibility know  that this dragoon
whether his conduct had been marked capable of a blush did this virtuous
by that delicate reserve which is sup- action, albeit with violent reluctance:
posed to distinguish the perfect gen- and this was his first damper. A week
tleman.                            after these events, he was at a ball.
With a long face, real or feigned, He was in that state of factitious dishe held open  the door, -his late content which belongs to us amiable
friends attempted to escape on the English. He was looking, in vain,
other side, - impossible! they must for a lady, equal in personal attracpass him. She whomhe had insulted tions to the idea he had formed of
(Latin for kissed) deposited  some- George Dolignan as a man, when
where at his foot a lookl of gentle suddenly there glided past him a most
blushing reproach; the other, whom  delightful vision! a lady whose beauty
he had not insulted, darted red-hot and symmetry took him by the eyes,
daggers at him from her eyes, and so - another look: "It can't be! -
they parted.                       Yes, it is!"  Miss Haythorn! (not
It was, perhaps, fortunate for Do- that he knew her name'!) but what
lignan that he had the grace to be an apotheosis!
friends with Major Hoskyns of his   The duck had become a pea-hen,
regiment, a veteran laughed at by the - radiant, dazzling, she looked twice
youngsters, for the Major was too apt as beautiful and almost twice as large
to look coldly upon billiard balls and as before. He lost sight of her. He
cigals; he had seen cannon balls and found her again.  She was so lovely
linstQcks. He had also, to tell the she made him  ill,-and he, alone,
truth, swallowed a good bit of the must not dance with her, speak to
mess-room  poker, but with it some her. If he had been content to begin
sort of moral poker, which made it as her acquaintance the usual way, it
impossible for Major Hoskyns to de- might have ended in kissing, but havscend to an ungentlemanlike word or ing begun with kissing it must end in
action as to brush his own trousers nothing. As she danced, sparks of
below the knee.                    beauty fell from her on all around,
Captain Dolignan told this gentle- but him, -she did not see him; it
man his story in gleeful accents; but was clear she never would see him, -
Major Hoskyns heard him coldly, and one gentleman was particularly asas coldly answered that he had known siduous; she smiled on his assiduity;
a man lose his life for the same thing. he was ugly, but she smiled on him.
" Th/at is nothing," continued the Dolignan was surprised at his success,
Major, "but unfortunately  he de- his ill taste, his ugliness, his impertiserved to lose it."                nence. Dolignan at last found himAt this the blood mounted to the self injured. " Who was this man?
youner mafi's temples, and his se- and what right had he to go on
nior added: "I mean to say he was so?  He had never kissed her, I
thirty-five; you, I presume, are twen- suppose,"  said  Dolly.  Dolignan
ty-one! "                          could not prove it, but he felt that
"Twenty-five."                   somehow the rights of property were
"That is much the same thing; invaded. Hewent home and dreamed
will you be advised by me  "       of Miss Haythorn, and hated all the
" If you will advise me."       -ugly successful.*  He spent a fort" Speak to no one of this, and send   * When our successful rival is ugly the




800                      THE BOX  TUNNEL.
night trying to find out who this lapse of years, erase thememory of his
beauty was, -  he never could encoun- madness, - his crime!
ter her again. At last he heard of her   " She did not know!
in this way; a lawyer's clerk paid him    "She must now bid him adieu, as
a little visit and commenced a little she had some preparations to make
action against him, in the name of for a ball in the crescent, where everyMiss Haythorn, for insulting her in a body was to be." They parted, and Dorailway train.                      lignan determined to be at the ball,
The young gentleman was shocked; where everybody was to be. He was
endeavored to soften the lawyer's clerk; there, and after some time he obtained
that machine did not thoroughly corn- an introduction to Miss Haythorn, and
prehend the meaning of the term. he danced with her. Her manner was
The lady's -name, however, was at gracious.  With the wonderful tact
least revealed by this untoward inci- of her sex, she seemed to have comdent; from  her name to her address menced the acquaintance that evenwas but a short step; and the same  ing. That night, for the first time,
daly our crestfallen hero lay in wait l)olignan was in love. I will spare
at her door, and many a succeeding  the reader all a lover's arts, by which
day, without effect. But one fine af- he succeeded in  dining where she
ternoon she issued forth quite natu- dined, in dancing where she danced,
rally, as if she did it every day, and  in overtaking her by accident, when
walked briskly on the nearest Parade. she rode. His devotion followed her
Dolignan did the same, he met and even to church, where our dragoon
passed her many times on the Parade, was rewarded by learning there is a
and searched for pity in her eyes, but world where they neither polk nor
Pound neither look, nor recognition, smoke, —the two capital abominations
nor any other sentiment; for all this of this one.
she walked and walked, till all the   He made acquaintance with her
other promenaders were tired  and uncle, who liked him, and he saw at
gone,- then her culprit summoned  last, with joy, that her eye loved to
resolution, and taking off his hat, dwell upon him, when she thought he
with a voice tremulous for the first did not observe her.
time, besought permission to address   It was three months after the Box
her. She stopped, blushed, and nei- Tunnel, that Captain Dolignan called
ther acknowledged nor disowned his one day upon Captain Haythorn, R.
acquaintance. He blushed, stammered  N., whom he had met twice in his
out how ashamed he was, how he de- life, and slightly propitiated by vio-,
served to be punished, how he was lently listening to a cutting-out expepunished, how little she knew  how  dition; he called, and in the usual
unhappy he was; and concluded by  way asked permission to pay his adbegging her not to let all the world  dresses to his daughter.  The worthy
know the disgrace of a man who was Captain  straightway  began  doing
already mortified enough by the loss Quarter-Deck, when suddenly he was
of her acquaintance.  She asked an summoned from the apartment by a
explanation; he told her of the action mysterious message. On his return
that had been commenced in her name; he announced, with a total change of
she gently shrugged her shoulders, and voice, that, " It was all right, and his
said, "How stupid they are."  Em- visitor might run alongside as soon
boldened by this, he begged to know  as he chose." My reader has divined
whether or not a life of distant un- the truth; this nautical commander,
pretending devotion would, after a terrible to the foe, was in complete
and happy subjugation to his daughblow is doubly severe, crushing, - we fall b)y tto           his daugh
bludgeon: we who thought the keenest ra-ter, our heroine.
pier might perchance thrust at us in vain.  As he was taking leave, Dolignan




THE BOX TUNNEL.                          301
saw his divinity glide into the draw-   "I know that, George; I overing-room. He followed her, observed heard you," was the demure reply.
a sweet consciousness which encour-   "0, you overheard me? impossiaged him; that consciousness deep- ble."
ened into confusion, - she tried to   "' And did you not hear me whisper
laugh, she cried instead, and then she to my companion? I made a bet with
smiled again; and when he kissed her her."
han(l at the door, it was " George,"    " You made a bet, how singular!
and "Marian," instead of Captain  What was it? "
this, and Miss the other. A reasona-   "Only a pair of gloves, George."
ble time after this (for my tale is mer-   "Yes, I know, but what about
ciful and skips formalities and tortur- it?"
ing delays), these two were very    "That, if you did, you should be my
happy, - they were once more upon husband, dearest."
the railroad, going to enjoy their hon-   "Oh! - but stay - then you could
eymoon all by themselves. Marian  not have been so very angry with me,
I)olignan was dressed just as before, love; why, dearest, then who brought
— duck-like, and delicious; all brigrht, that action against me? "
except her clothes: but George sat   Mrs. Dolignan looked down.
beside her this time instead of oppo-   "I was afraid you were forgetting
site; and she drank him in gently from  me. George, you will never forgive
under her long eyelashes. "Marian," me?"
said George, " married people should    "Sweet angel, why, here is the
tell each other all. Will you ever for- Box Tunnel! "
give me if I own to you — no - "     Now, reader, - fie! - no! no such
"Yes! yes!"                    thing! You can't expect to be in"Well, then! you remember the dulged in this way, every time we
Box Tunnel" (this was the first al- come to a dark place, - besides, it is
lusion he had ventured to it), "I not the thing. Consider, two sensible
am ashamed to say I had bet ~3 to married people, -no such phenome~10 with White, I would kiss one of non, I assure you, took place. No
you two ladies "; and George, pathetic scream issued in hopeless rivalry of
externally, chuckled within.       the engine - this time!








JACK  OF  ALL  TRADES-.
A MATTER-OF-FACT ROMANCE.








JACK OF ALL TRADES.
T      HERE are nobs in the world, and hundred thousand of your countrythere are snobs.              men (which they do love a bit of a
I regret to say I belong to the lat- growl), instead of growling retail to
ter department.                   a small family that has got hardened
There are men that roll through to you!"  And there he had me;
life, like a fire-new red ball going for I am an Englishman, and proud
across Mr. Lord's cricket-ground on of it, and attached to all the national
a sunshiny day; there is another sort habits except delirium tremens. In
that have to rough it in general, and, short, what with him inflaming my
above all, to fight tooth and nail for dormant conceit, and me thinking,
the quartern-loaf, and not always win " Well, I can but say my say, and
the battle. I am one of this lot.  then relapse into befitting silence," I
One comfort, folk are beginning to did one day lay down the gauge and
take an interest in us. I see, nobs of take up the pen, in spite of my wife's
the first water looking with a fatherly sorrowful looks.
eye into our affairs, - our leaden taxes   She says nothing, but you may see
and feather incomes; our fifteen per she does not believe in the new tool,
cent on undeniable security when the and that is cheerful and inspiriting to
rich pay but three and a half; our a beginner.
privations and vexations; our dirt   However, there is a something that
and distresses; and one day a liter- gives me more confidence than all my
ary gent, that knows my horrible literary friend says about "workmen
story, assured me that my ups and being up in the literary world," and
downs would entertain the nobility, that is that I am not the hero of my
gentry, and commonalty of these own story.
realms.                             Small as I sit here behind my wife's
" Instead of grumbling to me," says crockery and my own fiddles, in this
he, " print your troubles, and I prom- thundering hole, Wardour Street, I
ise you all the world will read them, was for many years connected with
and laugh at them."               one of the most celebrated females of
"]No doubt, sir," said I, rather modern times. Her adventures run
ironical; "all the world is at leisure side by side with mine. She is the
for that."                        bit of romance that colors my humble
"Why, look at the signs of the life, and my safest excuse for intruding
times," says he; " can't you see work- on the public.
men are up? so take us while we are.
in the humor, and that is now. We
shall not always be for squeezing hon-      CHAPTER I.
ey out of weeds, shall we M"  "Not
likely, sir," says I. Says he, "How   ]FATHER and mother lived in King
nice it will be to growl wholesale to a Street, Soho: he was a fid(dle-maker,
T




306                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
and taught me the A B C of that sci- another face by that fireside, and
ence at odd times; for I had a reg- heard another voice in the house, that
ular education, and a very good one, seemed to ma a deal more melodious
at a school in West Street. This part than hers, and the house did become
of my life was as smooth as glass. hotter, and the inmates' looks colder
My troubles did not begin till I was than agreeable; so one day I asked'
thirteen: at that age my mother died, my father to settle me in some other
and then I found out what she chad house not less than a mile from King
been to me: that was the first and the Street, Soho. He and step-mother
worst grief; the next I thought bad jumped at the offer, and apprenticed
enough. Coming in from school one me to Mr. Dawes. Here I learned
day, about nine months after her more mysteries of guitar- making,
death, I found a woman sitting by the violin-making, etc., etc., and lived in
fire opposite father.              tolerable comfort nearly four years;
I came to a stand in the middle of there was a ripple on the water,
the floor, with two eyes like saucers, though. My master had a brother, a
staring at the pair; so my father in- thickset, heavy fellow, that used to
troduced me.                       bully my master, especially when he
"This is your new mother. Anne, was groggy, and less able to take his
this is John! "                   own part. My master being a good
" Come and kiss me, John," says fellow, I Uised to side with him, and
the lady.  Instead of which John  this brought me a skinful of sore
stood stock-still, and burst out roar- bones more than once, I can tell you.
ing and crying without the least leav- But one night, after some months
ing off staring, which to be sure was of peace, I heard a terrible scrima cheerful, encouraging reception for mage, and, running down into the
a lady just come into the family. I shop-parlor, I found Dawes junior
roared pretty hard for about ten sec- pegging into Dawes senior no alonds, then stopped dead short, and lowance, and him crying blue mursays I, with a sudden calm, the more der.
awful for the storm that had raged be-   I was now  an able-bodied youth
fore: "I'11 go and tell Mr. Paley! " between sixteen and seventeen years
and out I marched.                 of age, and, having a little score of
Mr. Paley was a little humpbacked nmy own with the attacking party, I
tailor, with the heart of a dove and opened quite silent and business-like
the spirit of a lion or two. I made with a one, two, and knocked him inhis acquaintance through pitching in- to a corner flat perpendicular.  He
to two boys that were queering his pro- was dumfoundered for a moment,
tuberances all down Princes Street, but the next he came out like a
Soho; a kind of low humor lie de- bull at me.  I stepped on one side,
tested; and he had taken quite a fan- and met him with a blow on the side
cy to me. We were hand and glove, of the temple, and knocked him flat
the old man and me.                horizontal; and when he offered to
I ran to Paley and told him what rise I shook my fist at him, and
had befallen uponl the house. He was threatened him  he should come to
not struck all of a heap, as I thought grief if he dared to move.
he would be; and he showed me it   At this time he went on quite a difwas legal, of which I had not an ferent lay. He lay still, and feigned
idea; and his advice was: "Put a dissolution with considerable skill, to
good face on it, or the house will frighten us; and I can't say I felt
soon b3 too hot to hold you, boy."   easy at all; but my master, who
He was right. I don't know wheth- took cheerful views of everything in
er it was my fault or hers, or both's, his cups, got the enemy's tumbler of
but we could never mix. I had seen brandy and water, and with hiccoughs




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                       307
and absurd smiles, and a teaspoon, business, and turned sleeping and
deposited the contents gradually on drinking partner.
the various parts of his body.       My master, whose v. i. was the
"Lez revive'm! " said he.      strongest of the three, since it was him
This was low life to come to pass I had leathered, took me to Bow Street,
in a respectable tradesman's back par- made his complaint, and forced me to
lor. But, when grog comes in  at cancel my indentures; the cook, with
the door, good manners walk to the tears, packed up my Sunday suit;
window, ready to take leave if re- the young lady opened her bedroom
quested. Where there is drink there door three inches, and shut it with a
is always degradation of some sort don't-come-anigh-me slam; and I
or degree; put that in your tumblers drifted out to London with eighteenand sip it!                       pence and my tools.
After this no more battles. The   On looking back on this incident
lowly apprentice's  humble  efforts of my life, I have a regret, - a poign(pugilistic) restored peace to his mas- ant one; it is, that some good Christer's family.                      tian did not give me a devilish good
Six months of calm industry now  hiding into the bargain then and there.
rolled over, and then I got into trou-   I did not feel quit strong enough in
ble by my own fault.               the spirits to go where I was sure to
Looking back upon the various be blown up, so I skirted King Street
fancies, and opinions, and crotchets and entered the Seven Dials, and went
that have passed through my head to Mr. Paley and confessed my sins.
at one time or another, I find that,   How differently the same thing is
between the years of seventeen and seen by different eyes! All the morntwenty-four, a strange notion beset ing I had been called a young' vilme; it was, this: that women are all lain, first by one, then by another,
angels.                            till at last I began to see it.  Mr.
For this chimera I now began to Paley viewed me in the light of
suffer, and continued to at intervals martyr, and I remember I fell into
till the error was rooted out, -with his views on the spot.
their assistance.                    Paley was a man that had his little
There were two women in my theory about women, and it differed
master's  house, - his sister, aged from my juvenile one.
twenty-four, and his cook, aged thirty-   He held that women are at bottom
seven. With both these I fell ardent- the seducers, men the seduced. " The
ly in love; and so, with my senti- men court the women, I grant you,
ments, I should have with six, had but so it is the fish that runs after
the house held half a dozen. Un- the bait," said he. "The women
luckily, my affections were not ac- draw back? yes, and so does the ancompanied with the discretion  so gler draw  back the bait when the
ticklish a situation called for. The fish are shy, don't he? and then the
ladies found one another out, and I silly gudgeons  misunderstand  the
fell a victim to the virtuous indigna- move, and make a rush at it, and get
tion that fired three bosoms.      hooked, - like you."
The cook, in virtuous indignation   Holding such vile sentiments, he
that an apprentice should woo his shifted all the blame off my shoulmaster's sister, told my master.   ders. He turned to and abused the
The young lady, in virtuous indig. whole gang, as he called the family
that a boy should make a fool of in Litchfield Street I had just left,
" that old woman," told my master, instead of reading me the lesson for
who, unluckily for me, was now the the day, which he ought, and I should
quondam Dawes junior; Dawes sen- have listened to from him, - perhaps.
ior having retired from  the active   "Now, then, don't hang your head




308                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
like that," shouted the spunky little  5Mr. M-etzler also venturedtogive me
fellow, "snivelling and whimpering work of this kind. For some months
at your time of life! We are going I wrought hard all day, and amused
to have a jolly good supper, you and myself with my companions all the
I, that is what we tire going to do; evening, selecting my pals from  the
and you shall sleep here. My daugh- following classes: small actors, showter is at school; you shall have her men, pedestrians, and clever disconroom. I am in good work, - thirty  tented mechanics; one lot I never
shillings a week,- that is plenty for would have at any price, and that was
three, Lucy and you and me " (him- the stupid ones, that could only booze,
self last). " Your father is n't worth and could not tell me anything I did
a bone button, and your mother is n't not know about pleasure, business,
worth the shank to it; I'm your fa- and life.
ther, and your mother into the bar-   This was a bright existence; so it
gain, for want of a better. You live came to a full stop.
with me, and snap your fingers at   At one and the same time Miss
Dawes and all his crew, -ha! ha! a Paley came home, and the fiddlefine loss, to be sure. The boy is a fool, trade took one of those - chills all
-cooks, and coquettes, and fiddle- fancy trades are subject to.
touters, rubbish not worth picking up    No  work - no  lodging  without
out of a gutter, - they be d-d."   paying for it — no wherewithal.
And so I was installed in Miss
Paley's apartment, Seven Dials; and
nothing would have made my adopted
parent happier than for me to put my         CHAPTER  II.
hands in my pockets, and live upon
goose and cabbage. But downright   JOnIN BEARD, a friend of mine,
laziness was never my character. I was a painter and grainer. His art
went round to all the fiddle-shops, was to imitate oak, maple, walnut,
and offered, as bold as brass, to make satin-wood, etc., etc., upon vulgar deal,
a violin, a tenor or a bass, and bring beech, or what not.
it home. Most of them looked shy at   This business works thus: first, a
me, for it was necessary to trust me coat of oil-color is put on with a
with the wood, and to lend me one brush, and this color imitates what
or two of the higher class of tools, may be called the background of the
such as a turning-saw and a jointing- wood that is aimed at; on this oilplane.                             background the champ, the fibre, the
At last I came to Mr. Dodd, in grain and figure, and all the incidents
Berners Street.  Here my father's of the superior wood, are imitated by
name stood me in stead. Mr. Dodd various manneuvres in water-colors
risked his wood and the needful tools, or, rather, in beer-colors, for beer is
and in eight days I brought him, with the approved medium.  A  coat of
conceit and trepidation mixed in equal varnish over all gives a unity to the
part, a violin, which I had sometimes work.
feared would frighten him, and some-   Beard was out of employ; so was
times hoped would charm him. He I: bitter against London; so was I.
took it up, gave it one twirl round, He sounded me about trying the
satisfied himself it was a fiddle, good, country,. and I agreed; and this was
bad, or indifferent, put it in the win- the first step of my many travels.
dow along with the rest, and paid for   We started the next day, - he with
it as he would for a penny roll. I his brushes, and a few colors, and one
timidly proposed to make another for or two thin panels painted by way of
him; he grunted a consent, which it advertisement, and I with hope, inexdid not seem to me a rapturous one.  perience, and threepence.  On the




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        309
read we spent this and his fivepence, the professors of.the art at so much a
and entered the town of B1rcntford panel."
toward nightfall as empty as drums   " Will they stomach that?" said I.
and as hungry as wolves.             "I think  they will, as we are'What was to be done?  After a strangers and from London. You go
long discussion, we agreed to go to and see whether there is a fiddle to be
the mayor of the town and tell him  doctored in the town, and meet me
our case, and offer to paint his street again'in the market-place at twelve
door in the morning if he would save o'clock."
our lives for the night.             I did meet him, and forlorn enough
We went to the mayor; luckily for I was. My trade had broke down in
us, he had risen from nothing, as we Maidenhead; not a job of any sort.
were going to do, and so he knew    "Come to the public-house! " was
exactly what we meant when we his first word.  That sounded well, I
looked up in his face and laid our thought.
hands on our sausage-grinders. He   We sat down to bread and cheese
gave us eighteen-pence and an order and beer, and he told his tale.
on a lodging-house, and put bounds   It seems he went into a shop, told
to our gratitude by making us prom- the master he was a painter and
ise to let his street door alone. We grainer from a great establishment in
thanked him from our hearts, supped London, and was in the habit of travand went to bed, and agreed the elling and instructing provincial artcountry (as we two cockneys called ists in the business. The man was a
Brentford) was chock-full of good fel- pompous sort of a customer, and told
lows.                               Beard he knew the business as well
The next day up early in the as lie did, 1)ctter belike.
morning, and away to Hounslow.   Beard answered: "Then you are
Here Beard sought work all through the only one here that does; for I've
the town, and just when we were in de- been all through the town, and anyspair he got one door. XWe dined thing wider from the mark than their
and slept on this door, but we could oak and maple I never saw."  Then
not sup off it; we had twopence over, he quietly took down his panels and
though, for the morning, and walked spread them out, and, looking  out
on a penny roll each to Maidenhead. sharp, he noticed a sudden change
Here, as we entered the town, we come over the man's fhce.
passed a little house with the door   " Well," says the man, " we reckon
painted oak, and a brass plate an- ourselves pretty good at it in this town.
nouncing a plumber and glazier, and However, I shouldn't mind seeing
house-painter.  Beard pulled up be- how you London chaps do it: what
fore this door in sorriowfil contempt. do you charge for a specimen? "
"Now look here, John," says he,   "My charge is two shillings a pan"here is a fellow living among the el. What wood should you like to
woods, and you would swear he never gain a notion of? " said Bcard, as dry
saw an oak plank in his life to look as a chip.
at his work."                        "Well, - satin-wood."
Before so very long we came to   Beard painted a panel of satinanother specimen: this was maple, wood before his eyes, and, of course,
and further from Nature than a law- it was done with great ease, and on a
yer from heaven, as the saying is. better system than had reached Maid"There, that will do," says Beard. enhcad up to that time.  "Now,"
"I'11 tell you what it is, we must try  says Beard, " I must go to dinner."
a different move; it is no use looking    "VWell, come back again, my lad,"
for work; folks will only employ says the man, " and we will go in for
their own tradesmen; we must teach something else."  So Beard took his




310                   JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
two shillings and met me as afore- my services. At most I was refused;
said.                               at one or two I got trifling jobs; but
After dinner he asked for a private at last I went to the right one. The
room.   "A private room," said' I; master agrieed with me for piece-work
"hadn't you better order our horse on a large scale, and the terms were
and gig out, and go and call on the such that by working quick and very
rector?"                           steady I could make about twenty-five
"None of your chaff," says he.    shillings a week.  At this I kept. two
When we got into the room  he years, and  might have longer, no
opened the business.                doubt, -but my employer's  niece,
" Your trade is no good; you must came to live with him.
take to mine."                         She was a woman; and my theory
"What! teach painters how  to being in full career at this date, mupaint, when I don't know a stroke tual ardor followed, and I asked her
myself! "                           hand of her uncle, and instead of that
"Why not? You've only got it to he gave me what the Turkish ladice
learn; they have got to unlearn all get for the same offence, - the sack.
they  know; that is the only long  Off to London again, and the money I
process about it.  I'11 teach you in had saved by my industry just landed
five minutes," says lhe: " look here." me in the Seven Dials and sixpence
IHe then imitated oak before me, and over.
made me do it. He corrected my    I went to Paley, crestfallen as usufirst attempt; the second  satisfied al. I-Ie heard my story, complimenthim: we then went on to maple, and ed me on my energy, industry, and talso through all the woods lihe could ent, regretted the existence of woman,
mimic.  He then returned to his cus- and inveighed against her character
tomer, and I hunted in another part and results.
of the town, and before nightfall I act-   We went that evening to private
nually gave three lessons to two plo- theatricals in  Berwick  Street, and
fessors: it is amazing, but true, that there I fell in with an acquaintance in
I, who had been learning ten minutes, the firework line. On hearing my
taught men who had been all their case, lie told me I had just fallen from
lives at it -in the country.        the skies in time; his employer wantOne was so pleased with his tutor ed a fresh hand.
that he gave me a pint of beer besides   The very next day behold me grind.
my fee.  I thought he was poking ing, and sifting, and ramming powder
fun when he first offered it me.    at Somcrs Town, and at it ten nionths.
Beard and I met again triumphant.   My evenings, when I was not undoWe had a rousing supper and a good ing my own work to show its brillianbed, and the next day started for Hen- cy, were often spent in private theatley, where we both did a small stroke ricals.
of business, and on to Reading for the   I hear a row made just now about a
night.                              dramatic school.
Our goal was Bristol.  Beard had    " We have no dramatic schools," is
friends there. But as we zigzagged the cry. lWell, in the day I speak of
for the sake of the towns, we were there were several; why, I belonged
three weeks walkin-g to that city; but to two. We never brought to light
we reached it at last, having dissem- an actor, but we succeeded so far as to
inated the science of graining in many ruin more than one lad who had brains
cities, and got good clothes and money enough to make a tradesman, till we
in return.                           heated those brains and they boiled all
At Bristol we parted.  He found away.
regular employment the first day, and    The way we destroyed youth was
I visited the fiddle-shops and offered this: of course nobody would pay a




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        311
shilling at the door to see us running play with Richard and Hamlet. But
wild among Shakespeare's lines like, when the money is gone, and he
pigs broken into a garden, so the ex- wants to be paid for Richard & Co.,
penses fell upon the actors, and they they laugh at him, and put him  in
paid according to the value of the part his right place, and that is a utility,
each played. Richard the Third cost and perhaps ends a " super"; when,
a puppy two pounds; Richmond, fif- if he had not been a coxcomb, he
teen shillings; and so on; so that might have sold ribbon like a man to
witlm us, as in the big world, dignity his dying day.
went by wealth, not merit. I remem-   We and our dramatic schools ruined
ber this made me sore at the time; more than one or two of this sort by
still, there  are two sides to every- means of his vanity in my young
thing: they say poverty urges men to days.
crime; mine saved me from it. If I   My poverty saved me. The conceit
could have afforded, I would have mur- was here in vast abundance, but not
dered one or two characters that have the funds to intoxicate myself with
lived with good reputation from Queen such choice liquors as Hamlet & Co.
Bess to Queen Victoria; but, as I Nothing above old Gobbo (five shilcould n't afford it, others that could lings) ever fell to my lot and by my
did it for me..                    talent.
Well, in return for his cash Rich-   When I had made and let off fireard, or Hamlet, or Othello command- works for a few months, I thought I
ed tickets in  proportion; for the could make more as a rocket-master
tickets were only gratuitous to the than a rocket-man. I had saved a
spectators.                        pound or two. Most of my friends
Consequently, at night, each im- dissuaded me from the attempt; but
portant actor played not only to a Paley said: "Let him  alone now;
most merciful audience, but a large don't keep him down; he is born to
band of devoted friendly spirits in it, rise. I'11 risk a pound on him." So,
who came, not to judge him, but ex- by dint of several small loans, I got
press to carry him  through trium- the materials and made a set of firephant,-like an election. Now when works myself, and agreed with the
a vain, ignorant chap hears a lot of keeper of some tea-gardens at Hamphands clapping, he has not the sense stead for the spot.
to say to himself " paid for! "  No, it   At the appointed time, attended by
is applause, and applause stamps his a trusty band of friends, I put them
own secret opinion of himself: He up; and, when I had taken a tolerwas off his balance before, and now  able sum at the door, I let them all
he tumbles heel over tip into the no- off.
tion that he is a genius; throws his   But they did not all profit by the
commercial prospects after the two permission. Some went, but others,
pounds that went in Richard or Bev- whose supposed destination was the
erley, and crosses Waterloo Bridge sky, soared about as high as a house,
spouting,                          then returned and forgot their wild
nature, and performed the office of
" A fico for the shop and poplins base! our household fires upon the clothes
Counter, avaunt! I on his southern bank   of hy visitors; and some faithfnl
spirits, like old domestics, would not
Noodle, thus singing, goes over the leave their master at any price,
water. But they won't have him at would not take their discharge. Then
the Surrey or the Vie., so he takes to there was a row, and I should have
the country; and, while his money been mauled, but my guards rallied
lasts, and he can pay the mismanager round me and brought me off with
of a small theatre, he gets leave to whole bones, and marched back to




312                 JACK OF ALL TRADES.
London with me, quizzing me and peared in enormous letters the followdrinking at my expense. The pub- ing:lican refused to give me my prom-   "No CONNECTION WITH THE DISised fee, and my loss by ambition GRACEFUL EXHIBITION THAT TOOK
was twenty-eight shillings and my PLACE LAST FEIDAY WEEI! T"
reputation, - if you could call that a
loss.                              Paley was in a towering passion.
Was not I quizzed up and down "Look here, John," says he; "but
the Seven Dials! Paley alone con- never you mind; it won't be here
trived to stand out in my favor. long, for I'11 tear it down in about
"Nonsense! a first attempt," said half a' moment."
he; "they mostly fail. Don't you   "No, you must not do that," said
give in for those fools! I'11 tell you I, a little nervous.
a story. There was a chap in prison   "Why not, you poor-spirited muff?"
- I forget his name. He lived in the shouts the little fellow: " let me alone
old times a few hundred years ago. — let me get at it — what are you
I can't justly say how many. He holding me for?"
had failed, - at something or other,   "No! no! no! Well, then -"
- I don't know how many times,   "Well, then, what?"
and there he was. Well, Jack, one   "WVell, then, it is mine."
day he notices a spider climbing up a   "What is yours. "
thundering great slippery stone in   "That advertisement."
the wall. She got a little way, then   "How can it be yours, when it indown she fell; up again, and tries it sults you? "
on again; down again.  Ah! says   "O, business before vanity."
the man, you will never do it. But   "Well, I am blessed! Here's a
the spider was game. She got six go. Look here, now "; and he began
falls, but, by George, the seventh trial to split his sides laughing; but all
she got up. So the gentleman says, of a sudden he turned awful grave:'A man ought to have as much heart " You will rise, my lad; this is genuas a spider: I won't give in till the ine talent; they might as well try to
seventh trial.' Bless you, long be- keep a balloon down." In short, my
fore the seventh he carried all before friend, who was as honest as the day
him, and got to be King of England in his own sayings and doings; ad-or something."                  mired this bit of rascality in me, and
" King of England! " said I; "that augured the happiest results.
was a move upward out of the stone   That district of London which is
jug."                            called the Seven Dials was now di" Well," said Paley the hopeful, vided into two great parties; one au"you can't be King of England, but gured for me a brilliant success next
you may be the fire-king —he! he! day, the other a dead failure. The
- if you are true to powder. How  latter party numbered many names
much money do you want to try unknown to fame, the former consistagain?"                          ed of Paley. I was neuter, distrustI was nettled at my failure; and, ing, not my merits, but what I called
fired by Paley and his spider, I my luck.
scraped together a few pounds once   On Monday afternoon I was busy
more, and advertised a display of fire- putting out the fireworks, nailing
works for a certain Monday night.  them  to their posts, etc.  Toward
On the Sunday afternoon Paley evening it began to rain so heavily
and I happened to walk on the that they had to be taken in, and the
Hampstead Road, and near the Adam  whole thing given up; it was postand Eve we fell in with an announce- poned to Thursday.
ment of fireworks. On the bill ap-   On Thursday night we had a good




JACK  OF -ALL TRADES.                      313
assembly; the sum taken at the doors come down, like terriers for a rat in a
exceeded my expectation. I had my trap, and I felt by the' look of them
misgivings on account of the rain that that they would kill me, or near it. I
had fallen on my kickshaws Monday crept along a bough, the end of which
evening, so I began with those articles cleared the wall and overhnng the
I had taken in first out of the rain. road.  I determined to break my
They went off splendidly, and my per- neck sooner than fall into the hands
sonal friends were astounded; but soon of an insulted public. An impatient
my poverty began to tell. Instead of orange whizzed by my ear, and an aphaving many hands to save the fire- ple knocked my hat out of the premworks from wet, I had been alone, ises. I crouched and clung; luckily,
and of course much time had been I was on an ash-bough, long, taperlost in getting them  under cover. ing, and tough; it bent with me like
We began now to get among the a rainbow.  A' stick or two now
damp lot, and science was lost in whizzed past my ear, and it began to
chance; some would and some wvQuld hail fruit.  I held on like grim death
n't, and the people began to goose me. till the road was within six feet of me,
A rocket or. two that fizzled them- and then dropped and ran off home,
selves out without rising a foot in- like a cldog with a kettle at his tail.
flamed their angry passions; so I an- Meantime a rush was made to the
nounced two fiery pigeons.         gate to cut me off; but it was too
The fiery pigeon is a pretty fire- late.  The garden meandered, and
-work enough. It is of the nature of my executioners, wlien they got' to
a rocket, but, being on a string, it the outside, saw nothing but a flittravels backward and forward be- ting spectre- me in my shirt-sleeves
tween two termini, to which the string making for the Seven Dials.
is fixed. When there are two strings   Mr. and Miss Paley were seated by
and two pigeons, the fiery wings race their fire, and, as I afterward learned,
one another across the ground, and iPaley was recommending her to me
charm  the gazing throng.  One of for a husband, and explaining to her
lmy termnini was a tree at the extrem- at some length why I was sure to rise
ity of the gardens. Up this tree I in the world, when a figure in shirtmounted in my shirt-sleeves with my sleeves, begrimed with gunpowder,
birds.  The people surrounded the and no hat, burst into the room, and
tree, and were dead silent. I could shrank without a word into thecorner
see their final verdict and my fate by the fire.
hung on these pigeons.  I placed   Miss Paley looked up, and then bethem, and with a beating hieart light- gan to look down and snigger. Her
ed their matches. To my horror, one father stared at me, and after a while
did not move. I might as well have I could see him set his teeth and nei've
tried to explode green sticks. The his obstinate old healt for the comingother started and went off with great struggle.
resolution and accompanying cheers   " Well, how did it happen?" said
toward the opposite side. But mid- he, at last. "Where is your coat?"
way it suddenly stopped, and the   I told hint the whole story.
cheers with it. It did not come to an   Miss Paley had her hand to her
end all at once, but the fire oozed mouth all the time, afraid to give vent
gradually out of it like water. A  to the feelings proper to the occasion
howl of derision was hurled up into because of her father.
the tree at me; but, worse than that,   "Now  answer me one question.
looking down, I saw in the moonlight Have you got their money?"'says
a hundred stern faces, with eyes like Paley.
red-hot emeralds, in which I read my   "Yes, I have got their money, for
fate. They were waiting for me to that matter."
14




314                  JACK OF ALL TRADES.
" Well, then, what need you care? to be "no," they are almost as much
You are all right; and if they had cnt up about it, and say no like yes,
gone off they would have been all over which has the happy result of leaving
by now, just the same. He wants his him hope and prolonging his pain.
supper, Lucy.  Give us something Miss Paley did quite different. She
hot, to make us forget our squibs and blushed a little, and smiled archly and
crackers, or we shall die of a broken said: " Now, John, you and I are
heart, all us poor fainting souls. good friends, and I like you very
Such a calamity! The rain wetted much, and I will walk with you and
them  through, -  that is all; you laugh with you as much as you like;
couldn't fight against the elements, but I have been engaged these two
could you? Lay the cloth, girl."    years to Charles Hook, and I love
" But, Mr. Paley," whined I, " they him, John."
have got my new coat, and you may   " Do you, Lucy?"
be sure they have torn it limb from    "Yes," under her breath a bit.'
jacket."                             "Oh!"
"Have they? " cried he; "well,   "So, if we are to be friends, you
that is a comfort, any way. Your must not put that question to me
new coat, eh? Lucy, it hung on the again, John. What do you say? we
boy's back like an old sack. Do you are to be friends, are we not?" and
see this bit of cloth? I shall make she put out her hand.
you a Sunday coat with this, and then   " Yes, Lucy."
you'11 sell. Fetch a quart to-night,   "And, John, you need not go for
girl, instead of a pint: the fire-king to tell my father; what is the use
is going to do us the honor. Che-er vexing him?  He has got a notion,
up!!"                            but it will pass away in time."
+ —-4-c —              I consented, of course, and Lucy
and I were friends.
CHAPTER  III.               Mr. Paley somehow suspected which
way his daughter's heart turned, and
IT was now time that Miss Paley not long after a neighbor told me he
should suffer the penalty of her sex. heard him quizzing her unmerciful
She was a comely, good-humored, and for her bad judgment. As for harsh-.sensible girl. We used often to walk ness or tyranny, that was not under
out together on Sundays, and very his skin, as the saying is. He wound
friendly we were. I used to tell her up with telling her that John was a
she was the flower of her sex, and man safe to rise.
she used to laugh at that. One Sun-   "I hope he may, father, I am
day I spoke more plainly, and laid sure," says Lucy.
my heart, my thirteen shillings, the   " Well, and can't you see he is the
fruit of my last imposture on the pub- man for you?"
lie, and my various arts, -at her feet,   "No, father, I can't see that, —
out walking.                       he! he!"
A proposal of this sort, if I may,
trust the stories I read, produces
thrilling effects.  If agreeable, the      CHAPTER  IV.
ladies either refuse in order to torment
themselves, which act of virtue justi-   I DON'T think I have been penniless
fies them, they think, in tormenting not a dozen times in my life. When
the man they love, or else they show  I get down to twopence or threetheir rapturous assent by bursting pence, which is very frequent indeed,
out crying, or by fainting away, or something is apt to turn up and raise
their lips turning cold, and other signs me to silver once more, and there I
proper to a disordered stomach; if it is stick. But about this time I lay out




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        315
of work a long time, and was reduced L came up with us. Those were perto the lowest ebb. In this condition, emptory days  they offered us our
a friend  of mine took me to the choice of the fine arts again, or prison.
" Harp," in Little Russell Street, to After a natural hesitation, we chose
meet Mr. Webb, the manager of a the arts, and were driven back to
strolling company. Mr. Webb was them like sheep. Night's profits 5d.
beating London for recruits to com- In the morning the whole company
plete his company which lay at Bish- dissolved  away like a  snowball.
ops Stortford, but which, owing to Johnstone and I had a meagre breakdesertions, was not numerous enough fast, and walked on it twenty-six
to massacre five-act plays. I instant- miles. He was a stout fellow, —
ly offered to go as carpenter and scene- shone in brigands, - he encouraged
shifter.  To this he demurred: he and helped me along; but at last I
was provided with them already; he could go no farther.
wanted actors. To this I objected,   My slighter frame was quite worn
not that I cared to what sort of work out with hunger and fatigue. " Leave
I turned my hand, but in these cor- me," I said; "perhaps some charitapanies a carpenter is paid for his day's ble hand will aid me, and if not, why,
work according to his agreement, but then I shall die; and I don't care if I
the actors are remunerated by a share do, for I have lost all hope."
in the night's profits, and the profits   " Nonsense," cried the fine fellow.
are often written in the following fiog- "I'11 carry you home on my back
ures, - ~0 Os. Od.                 sooner than leave you. Die? that is
However, Mr. Webb was firm; lie a word a man  should never say.
had no carpenter's place to offir me, Come! courage!  only four miles
so I was obliged to lower my preten- more."
sions. I agreed then to be an actor.   No.  I could not move from the
I was cast as Father Philip, in the spot. I was what I believe seldom
"Iron  Chest," next evening, my really happens to any man, dead
share of the profits to be one eighth. beat body and soul.
I borrowed a shilling, and my friend   I sank down on a heap of stones.
Johnstone and I walked all the way Johnstone sat clown beside me.
to Bishops Stortford. We played the   The sun was just setting. It was a
" Iron Chest " and divided the profits. bad lookout, - starving people to lie
Hitherto I had been in the nmechan- out on stones all night. A man can
ical arts; this was my first step into stand cold, and he can fight with
the fine ones. Father Philip's share hunger; but put those two together,
of the " Chest " was 2~d.          and life is soon exhausted.
Now this might be a just remuner-   At last a rumble was heard, and
ation for the performance; I almost presently an empty coal-wagon came
think it was; but it left the walk  up. A coal-heaver sat on the shaft,
thirty miles, not accounted for.   and  another walked by the side.
Tihe next night I was cast in Johnstone went to meet them; they
"Jerry Sneak."  I had no objection stopped; I saw him pointing to me,
to the part, only, under existing cir- and talking earnestly.
cumstances, the place  to play it   The men came up to me; they
seemed to me to be the road to Lon- took hold of me, and shot me into the
don, not the boards of Bishops Stort- cart like a hundred-weight of coal.
ford; so I sneaked off toward the Sev- " Why, he is starving with cold," said
en Dials. Johnstone, though cast for one of them, and he flung half a dozthe hero, was of Jerry's mind, and en empty sacks over me, and on.sneaked away along with him.      we went.  At the first public the
We had made but twelve miles wagon stopped, and soon one of my
when the manager and a constable new friends, with a cheerful voice,




JACK OF ALL TRADES.
brought a pewter flagon of porter to lin was not only a customer, but a
me. I sipped it.  "Don't be afraid friend. He saw how badly off I was,
of it," cried he; " cldown with it; it is and had a great desire to serve me.
meat and drink, that is." And, in- Now it so happened that Mr. Yates,
deed, so I found it. It was a heaven- the manager, was going to give an
ly solid liquid to me; it was "stout" entertainment he called  his  " At
by name and "'stout" by nature.    Homes," and this took but a small
These good fellows, whom men do orchestra, of which Mr. Chaplin was
right to call black diamonds, carried to be the leader; so he was allowed
me safe into the Strand, and thence, to engage the other instruments, and
being now quite my own man again, he actually proposed to me to be a
I reached the Seven Dials. Paley second violin.
was in bed.  He came down directly   I stared at him. " How can I do
in his nightgown, and lighted a fire, that? "
and pulled a piece of cold beef out of   " Why, I often hear you try a viothe cupboard, and cheered me as usu- lin.'
al, but in a fatherly way this time;   " Yes, and I always play the same
and of course, at my age, I was soon notes; perhaps you have observed
all right again, and going to take the that too? "
world by storm to-morrow morning.   "I notice it is always a slow moveHe left me for a while and went up ment - eh? Never mind, this is the
stairs.  Presently he came down only thing I can think of to serve
again.                           you; you must strum out something 
"Your bed is ready, John."     it will be a good thing for you, you
"' Why," said I, "you have not know."
three rooms."                      "WVell," said I, "if Mr. Yates will
"Lucy is on a.visit,"' said he; then promise to sing nothing faster than
he paused. " Stop a bit; I'll warm'Je-ru-sa-lem, my hap-py home,' I'1l'your bed."                       accompany him."
He took me up stairs to my old   No, he would not be laughed out
room and warmed the bed. I, like a of it; he was determined to put
thoughtless young fool, rolled into it money in my pocket, and would take
half gone with sleep, and never woke no denial. " Next Monday you will
till ten next morning.           have the goodness to meet me at the
I don't know what the reader will theatre at six o'clock with your fiddle.
think of me when I tell him that the Play how you like, play inaudible for
old man had turned Lucy out of her what I care; but play and draw your
room into his own, and sat all night weekly salary you must and shall."
by the fire that I might lie soft after   "Play inaudible,"-  these words
my troubles. Ah! he was a bit of sunk to the very bottom of me,steel. And have you left me, and can " play inaudible."
I share no more sorrow or joy with   I fell into a brown study: it lasted
you in this world? Eh! dear,' it three days and three nights; finally,
makes me misty to think of the old to my good patron's great content, I
man, - after all these years.    consented to come up to the scratch,
and Monday night I had the hardi.: —* —-          I hood to present myself in the musicroom of the Adelphi. My violin was
CHAPTER  V.              a ringing one. I tuned up the loudest of them all, and Mr. Chaplin's
I USED often to repair and doctor a eye rested on me with an approving
violin for a gent whom I shall call glance.
Chaplin. He played in the orchestra   Time was called. We played an
of the Adelphi Theatre.. Mr. Chap- overture, and accompanied Mr. Yates




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        317
in his recitatives and songs, and per-   At this wholesale interrogatory
formed pieces and airs between the Bates laid hold of himself tight.
acts, etc. The leader's eye often fell " No, Mr. Chaplin, sir, I can't; it
on me, and when it did, he saw the will kill me when it does come out of
most conscientious workman of the me."
crew ploughing every note with singu-   "When what comes ont?  You
lar care and diligence.             young rascals, if you don't both of
In this same little orchestra was you tell me, I'11 break my fiddle over
James Bates, another favorite of Mr. Bates, and Jack shall mend it free of
Chaplin, and an experienced fiddler.  expense gratis for nothing, that is how
This young man was a great chum  I'll serve mutineers; come, out with
of mine. He was a fine honest young it."
fellow, but of rather a satanine tem-   " Tell him, John," said Bates, deper. He was not movable to mirth murely.
at any price. He would play without   "No," said I, " tell him yourself, if
a smile to a new pantomime, - stuck you think it will gratify him."  I had
there all night, like Solomon cut in my doubts.
black marble with a white choker, as   "Well," said Bates, " it is ungratesolemn as a tomb, with  hundreds ful to keep you out of it, sir, so - he!
laughing all around.               he! - I'11 tell you, sir - this second
Once or twice while we were at violin has two bows in his violinwork I saw Mr. Chaplin look at Bates, case."
knowing we two were chums, and    "Well, stupid, what is commoner
whenever he did it seems the young than that for a fiddlerl? "
one bit his lips and turned as red   "But this is not a fiddler," squeaked
as a beet-root. After the lights were Bates; "he's only a bower. Oh!
out Mr. Chaplin congratulated me oh! oh!"
before Bates. "There, you see, it   " Only a bower?"
is not so very hard; why, hang me   "No! Oh! Oh! I shall die; it
if you did not saw away as well as will kill me."  I gave a sort of ghastthe best!!! "  At these words Bates ly grin myself.
gave a sort of yell and ran home.   " You unconscionable scoundrels!"
Mr. Chaplin looked after him  with shouted Mr. Chaplin; "there, look
surprise.  " There's  some devil's at this Bates; he is atit again; a feldelight up between you two," said low that the very clown could never
he. " I shall find it out."        raise a laugh out of, and now I see
Next night in the tuning-room my him all night smirking, and grinning,
fiddle was so resonant it attracted at- and looking down like ajackdaw that
tention, and one or two asked leave has got his claw on a thimble. If
to try it. "'Why not?" said I.    you don't speak out, I'11 knock your
During work Mr. Chaplin had one two tormenting skulls together till
eye on me and one on Bates, and they roll off down the gutter side
caught the perspiration running down by side, chuckling and giggling all
my face, and him simpering for the day and all night."  At this direful
first time in the history of the Adel- mysterious threat Bates composed
phi.                               himself.  "The power is all out
"What has come over Jem Bates?" of my body, sir, so now I can tell
said Mr. Chaplin to me; "the lad is you."
all changed. You have put some of   He then in faint tones gave this exyour late gunpowder into him; there planation, which my guilty looks conis. something up between you two." firmed. " One of his bows is resined,
After the play he got us together, sir, - that one is the tuner. I don't
and he looked Bates in the face, and know  whether you have observed,
just said to him, " Eh? "         but he tunes rather louder than any




318                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
two of us. 0  dear, it is coming in a moment after his trigger being
again."                            pulled so many years to no purpose.
"Don't be a fool, now. Yes, I Mr. Yates looked down with gratified
have noticed that."                surprise.
" The other bow, Mr. Chaplin, sir,   "Halloo! Brains got in the orthe other bow is soaped - well soaped, chestra; after that, anything! "
sir, for orchestral use. Ugh! ugh 1"   But do you think it was fun to me
" 0, the varmint! "             all this?  I declare I suffered the torBates continued.   "You take a tare of the - you know what. I never
look at him, - you see him fingering felt safe a moment. I had placed
and bowing like mad, - but as for myself next to an old fiddler who was
sound, you know what a greasy bow  deaf, but he somehow smelt at tines
is?"                              that I was shirking, and then he used
"Of course I do. I don't wonder to cry, "Pull out, pull out; you don't
at your laughing -ha! ha! ha! 0, pull out."
the thief, -when I think of his dili-   "How can you say so? " I used to
gent face, and him shaking his right reply, and then saw away like mad;
wrist like Viotti."                when, so connected are the senses of
"Mind your pockets, though; he sight and hearing apparently, the old
knows too much."                   fellow used to smile and be at peace.
It was now my turn to speak. "I He saw me pull, and so he heard me
am glad you like the idea, sir," said pull out. Then sometimes friends of
I, "for it comes from you."        the other performers would be in the
" How can you say that?"        orchestra, and peep over me, and say
" What did you tell me to do?"    civil things, and I wish them farther,
"I didn't tell you to do that. I civilities and all. But it is a fact that
don't remember what I told him, for two months Ir gesticulated in that
Bates, - not to the letter."       orchestra without a soul finding out
"Told me to play inaudible!!!"   that I was not suiting the note to the
"Well, I never," said Mr. Chaplin. action.
"Those were your words, sir; they   At last we broke up, to my great
did not fall to the ground, you see."  relief, but I did not leave the theatre.
My position in this orchestra, and Mr. Widger, Mr. Yates's dresser, got
the situations that arose out of it, me a place behind the scenes at nine
were meat and drink to my two shillings per week.
friends. With the gentry, whose lives   I used to dress Mr. Reeve, and run
are a succession of amusements, ajoke for his branclies and waters, which
soon wears out, no doubt; but we kept me on the trot, and do odd jobs.
poor fellows can't let one go cheap.   But I was now  to make the acHow do we know how long it may quaintance that colored all my life, or
be before Heaven sends us another? the cream of it. My time was come
A joke falling among us is like a rat to move in a wider circle of men and
in a kennel of terriers.           things, and really to do what so many
At intricate passages the first violin fancy they have done, -to see the
used to look at the tenor, and then at world.
me, and wink, and they both swelled   In the month of April, 1828, Mr.
with innocent enjoyment, till at last Yates, theatrical manager, found his
unknown powers of gayety budded in nightly receipts fall below his nightly
Bates. With quizzing his friend he expenses. In this situation,'a manalearned to take ajest, so much so that ger falls upon one of two things, - a
one ni0ght, Mr. Yates being funnier spectacle or a star. Mr. Yates prethan usual if possible, a single horse- ferred the latter, and went over to
laugh suddenly exploded among the Paris  and  engaged  Mademoiselle
fiddles. This was Bates gone off all Djek.




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                        319
]Fademoiselle Djek was an elephant   "You must make a hole in the
of great size and unparalleled  sa- wall," said he.
gacity. She had been for some time   Pickaxes went to work, and made
performing in a play at'ranconi's, a hole, or rather a frightful chasm, in
and  created  a great sensation  in the theatre, and when it looked about
Paris.                              two  thirds  her size, Elliot said,
Of her previous history little is " Stop!"  He then gave her a sharp
known. But she was first landed order, and the first specimen we saw
from the East in England, and was of her cleverness was her doubling
shown about merely as an elephant herself together  and  creeping  in
by her proprietor, an Italian called through that hole, bending her fore
Polito.  The Frenchmen first found knees, and  afterward  rising  and
out her talent. Her present owner dragging lier hind legs horizontally,
was a M. Huguet, and with him Mr. and she disappeared like an enorYates treated.  She joined the Adel- mous mole burrowing into the theaphi company at a salary of X~40 a tre.
week and her grub.                     Mademoiselle  Djek's bills were
There was great expectation in the posted all over the town, and everytheatre for some days. The play in thing don9 to make her take, and on
which she was to perform, " The Ele- the following Tuesday the theatre was
phant of the King of Siam," was cast pretty well filled by the public; the
and rehearsed several times; a wooden manager also took care to have a
house was built for her at the back of strong party in the pit. In short,
the stage, and one fine afternoon, she was nursed as other stars are
sure enough, she arrived with all her upon their dtbUt.
train, one or two of each nation, viz.,   Night came; all was anxiety beher owner, M. Huguet (French); her hind the lights and expectation in
principal keeper, Tom  Elliot (Eng- front.
lish); her subordinates, - Bernard,   The green curtain drew  up, and
(French), and an Italian nicknamed Mr. Yates walked on in black dressPippin.  She arrived at the stage coat and white kid gloves, like a pridoor in Maiden Lane, and soon after vate gentleman  just landed out of a
the messenger was sent to Mr. Yates's bandbox at the Queen's ball.  He
house.                              was the boy to talk to the public;
" Elephant's come, sir."         soft sawder,- dignified reproach, -
"Well, let them  put her in the fiiendly intercourse, —he had them
place built for her, and I'1ll come and all at his fingers' ends. This timne it
see her."                           was the easy tone of refined conver"They can't do that, sir."        sation upon the intelligent creature
" Why not?"                      he was privileged  to introduce to
"La! bless you, sir, she might them. I remember his discourse as
get her foot into the theatre, but how  well as if it was yesterday.
is her body to come througoh the stage    "The elephant," said Mr. Yates,
door.?  Why, she is almost as big as "is a marvel of Nature.   WVe are
the house."                         now to have the pleasure of showing
Down comes Mr. Yates, and there her to you as taking her place in art."
was the elephant standing all across Then  he praised the wisdom  and
Maiden Lane, - all traffic interrupted  beneficence of creation.  " Among
except what could pass under her the Small animals, such as cats and
belly, - and such a crowd,- my men, there is to be found such a thing
eye!                               as spite; treachery ditto, and love of
Mr. Yates put his hands in his mischief, and even  cruelty at odd
pockets and took a quiet look at the times; but here is a creature withl the
state of affairs.                   power to pull down our houses about




320                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
our ears like Samson, but a heart whom  the elephant belonged.  A
that will not let her hurt a fly. Prop- usurper opposed him, and a battle
erly to appreciate'her moral charac- took place; the rightful heir was
ter, consider what a thing power is; worsted  and taken prisoner; the
see how it tries us, -how  often in usurper condemned him to be thrown
history it has turned men to demons. into the sea. In the next act, this
The elephant," added he, "is the sentence was being executed: four
friend of man by choice, not by neces- men were discovered passing through
sity or instinct; it is born as wild as a wood carrying no end of a box.
a lion or buffalo, but, the moment an  Suddenly a terrific roar was heard;
opportunity arrives, its kindred intel- the men put down the box rather
ligence allies it to man, its only supe- more carefully than they would in
rior or equal in reasoning power. real life, and fled, and the elephant
We are about," said Mr. Yates, "to walked on to the scene alone like any
present a play in which an elephant other actress. She smelt about the
will act a part, and yet act but her- box, and presently tore it open Witli
self, for the intelligence and affec- her proboscis, and there was her mastionate disposition she will display ter, the rightful heir, but in a sad exon these boards as an actress are hausted state. When the good soul
merely her own private and domestic sees this, what does she do but walk
qualities. Not every one of us actors, to the other side, and tear down the
gentlemen, can say as much."       bough of a fruit-tree and hand it to
Then there was a laugh, in which the sufferer    He sucked it, and it
Mr. Yates joined.  In short, Mr. had the effect of stout on him: it
Yates, who could play upon the pub- made a man of him, and they marched
lie ear better' than some fiddles (I away together, the elephant trumpetname no names), made his ddbutante ing to show her satisfaction.
popular before ever she stepped upon   In the next act the rightful heir's
the scene. He then bowed with in- friends were discovered behind the
tense gratitude to the audience for bars of a prison at a height from the
the attention they had honored him  ground. The order for their execuwith, retired to the prompter's side, tion arrived, and they were down upand, as he reached it, the act drop on their luck terribly. In marched
flew up and the play began. It cornm- the elephant, tore out the iron bars,
menced on two legs; the elephant and squeezed herself against the wall,
did not come on until the second half squatting in the shape of a triscene of the act.                  angle; so then the prisoners glided
The drama was a good specimen down her to the ground slantendicuof its kind. It was a story of some lar one after another.
interest, and length, and variety, and   When the civil war had lasted long
the writer had been sharp enough enough to sicken both sides, and
not to make the elephant too common enough widows and orphans had
in it. She came on only three or been made, the Siamese began to ask
four times, and always at a nick of themselves, Bat what is it all about?
time, and to do good business, - as The  next thing was, -they  said,
theatricals say, i. e. for some impor- "What asses we have been! Was
tant purpose in the story.         there no other way of deciding beA king of Siam  had lately died, tween two men but bleeding the whole
and the elephant was seen taking her tribe? "  Then  they reflected  and
part in the funeral obsequies. She said, We are asses, that is clear; but
deposited  his sceptre, etc., in the we hear there is one animal in the
tomb of his fathers, and was seen no nation that is not an ass; why, of
more in that act. The rightful heir course, then she is the one to decide
to this throne was a young prince, to our dispute. Accordingly, a grand




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        321
assembly was held, the rival claim- with his own hand that night, crying,
ants were compelled to attend, and " 0 you duck! "
the elephant was led in. Then the   The fortunes of the Adelphi rose
high-priest, or some such article, hav- from that hour, - full houses without
ing first implored Heaven to speak intermission.
through the quadruped, bade her de-   Mr. Yates shortened his introduccidle according to justice. No soon- tory address, and used to make it a
er were the words out of his mouth brief, neat, and, I think, elegant enthan the elephant stretched out her logy of her gentleness and affectionproboscis, seized a little crown that ate disposition; her talent " the pubglittered on the usurper's head, and, lie are here to judge for themselves,"
waving it gracefully in the air, de- said Mr. Yates, and exit P. S.
posited it gently and carefully on the   A  theatre is a little world, and
brows of the rightful heir. So then Djek soon became the hero of ours.
there was a rush made on the wrong- Everybody must have a passing peep
ful heir. He was taken out guarded, at the star that was keeping the theand warned off the premises; the atre open all summer, and providing
rightful heir mounted the throne, and bread for a score or two of families
grinned and bowed all round, - the connected with it. Of course, a mind
elephant trumpeted, —Siam hurrahed, like mine was not among the least
— Djek's party in the house echoed inquisitive.  But her head-keeper,
the sound, and down came the cur- Tom Elliot, a surly fellow, repulsed
tain inthunders of applause. Though our attempts to scrape acquaintance.
the curtain was down, the applause "Mind your business, and I'll mind
continued most vehemently, and after mine," was his chant. He seemed
a while a cry arose at the back of the to be wonderfully jealous of her. He
pit, "Elephant! Elephant! "  That could not forbid Mr. Yates to visit
part of the audience that had paid at her, as he did us, but he always inthe door laughed at this, but their sisted on being one of the party even
laughter turned to curiosity when, in then. He puzzled us; but the stronganswer to the cry, the curtain was est impression he gave us was that
raised, and the stage discovered empty. he was jealous of her, - afraid that
Curiosity ins turn gave way to sur- she would get as fond of some others
prise, for the elephant walked on from  as of him, and so another man might
the third grooves alone, and came be able to work her, and his own
slap down to the float. At this, the nose lose a joint, as the saying is.
astonished public literally roared at Later on we learned to put a different
her. But how can I describe the ef- interpretation on his conduct. Pipfect, the amazement, when, in return pin the Italian, and Bernard the
for the compliment, the d6butante Frenchman, used to serve her with
slowly bent her knees and courtesied straw and water, etc., but it was quite
twice to the British public, and then a different thing from Elliot. They
retired backwards as the curtain once were like a fine lady's grooms and
more fell?  People looked at one running footmen, but Elliot was her
another, and seemed to need to read body-servant, groom of the bedchamin their neighbors' eyes whether such ber, or what not. He used always
a thing was real; and then followed to sleep in the straw close to her.
that buzz which tells the knowing Sometimes, when he was drunk, he
ones behind the curtain that the nail would roll in between her legs; and
has gone home; that the theatre will if she had not been mbre careful of
be crammed to the ceiling to-morrow  him than any other animal ever was
night, and perhaps for eighty nights (especially himself), she must have
after.                             crushed him to death three nights in
Mr. Yates fed Mademoiselle Djek the week. Next to Elliot, but a long
14*                                         u




322                  JACK OF ALL TRADES.
way below him, M. Huguet seemed    "Hush! " says another; " have n't
her favorite. He used to come into you heard  "
her box; and caress her, and feed her,   "No."
and make much of her; but she nev-   "You must n't talk of it out of
er went on the stage without Elliot doors."
in sight; and, in point of fact, all she   "No!"
did upon our stage was done at a   "Half killed by the elephant this
word of command given then and morning."
there at the side by this man and no   It seems he was feeding and coaxother,- going down to the float, ing her, as he had often done before,
courtesying, and all.             when all in a moment she laid hold of
Being mightily curious to know  him with her trunk and gave him a
how he had gained such influence squeeze. He lay in bed six weeks
with her, I made several attempts to with it, and there was nobody to' desound him, but, drunk or sober, he liver her eulogy at night. Elliot was
was equally unfathomable on this at the other end of the stage when
point.                             the accident happened.  He heard
I then endeavored to slake my enu- Mr. Yates cry out, and ran in, and
riosity at No. 2. I made bold to ask  the elephant let Mr. Yates go the moM. Huguet how he had won her af- ment she saw him.
fections.  The Frenchman was as   We questioned Elliot. We might
communicative as the native was re- as well have cross-examined the Monserved. He broke plenty of English  ument.   Then I inquired of M.
over me. It came to this, that the Huguet what this meant. That genstrongest feeling of an elephant was tleman explained to me that Djek had
gratitude, and that he had worked on miscalculated her strength; that she
this for years; was always kind to wanted to caress so kind a manager,
her, and seldom approached her with- who was always feeding and courtout giving her lumps of sugar, - car- ing her, and had embraced him too
ried a pocketful on purpose. This warmly.
tallied with what I had heard and   The play went on, and the eleread of an elephant; still the problem  phant's reputation  increased.  But
remained, Why is she fonder still of her popularity was destined to receive
this Tom Elliot, whose manner is not a shock as far as we little ones behind
ingratiating, and who never speaks the curtain were concerned.
to her but in a harsh, severe voice?  One day while Pippin was spreadShe stood my friend; any way. A  ing her straw, she knocked him down
good many new supers were engaged with her trunk, and, pressing her
to play with her, and I was set over tooth against him, bored two frightful
these, looked out their dresses, and holes in his skull before Elliot could
went on with them and her as a slave: interfere. Pippin was carried to St.
nine shillings a week for this was George's Hospital and we began to
added to my other nine which I drew  look in one another's faces.
for dressing an actor or two of the   Pippin's situation was in the marhigher class.                     ket.
The more I was about her, the   One or two declined it. It came
more I felt that we were not at the down to me. I reflected, and acceptbottom of this quadruped, nor even ed it: another. nine shillings; total,
of her bipeds. There were gestures twenty-seven shillings.
and glances and shrugs always pass-   That night tirwo supers turned tail.
ing to and fro among them.         An actress also, whose name I have
One day at the rehearsal of a farce forgotten, refused to go on with bher
there was no Mr. Yates. Somebody " I was not engaged to play with a
inquired loudly for him.           brute," said this lady, " and I won't."




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                       323
Others went on as usual, but were not tol; thence we crossed to Dublin,
so sweet onit as before. The rightful thence we returned to Plymouth.
heir lost all relish for his part, and, We walked fromn  Plymouth to Liverabove all, when his turn came to be pool, playing with good success at all
preserved from harm by her, I used these places. At Liverpool she laid
to hear him  crying out of the box hold of Bernard and would have setto Elliot, "Are you there? are you tled his hash, but Elliot came between
sure you are there? " and, when she them.
tore open his box, Garrick never act-   That same afternoon in walks a
ed better than this one used to now, young  gentleman  dressed in  the
for you see his cue was to exhibit fear height of Parisian fashion, - glossy
and exhaustion, and he did both to hat, satin tie, trousers puckered at the
the life, because for the last five min- haunches, - sprucer than any poor
utes he had been thinking, "0 dear! Englishman will be while the world'0 dear! suppose she should do the lasts, and who was it but Mons. Berfoot business on my box instead of the nard come to take leave? We endearproboscis business."               ored to dissuade him. He smiled and
These, however, were vain fears. shook his head, treated us, flattered us,
She made no mistake before the public. and showed us his preparations for
Nothing lasts forever in this world, France.
and the time came that she ceased to   All that day and the next he saunfill the house.  Then Mr. Yates re- tered about us dressed like a gentleengaged her for the provinces, and, man, with his hands in his pockets,
having agreed with the country man- and an ostentatious neglect of his late
agers, sent her down to Bath and affectionate charge. Beforehe lefthe
Bristol first. HI-e had a good opinion invited me to drink something at his
of me, and asked me to go with her and expense, and was good enough to say I
watch his interests. I should not cer- was what he most regretted leaving.
ttainly have applied for the place, but   " Then why go? " said I.
it was not easy to say no to Mr. Yates,   "I will tell you, monl pauvre garand I felt I owed him some reparation con," said Mons. Bernard. " We old
for the wrong I had done that great hands have all got our orders to say'artist in accompanying his voice with she is a duck. Ah! you have found
my gestures.                       that out of yourself.  Well, now, as I
In short, we started, Djek, Elliot, have done with her, I will tell you a
Bernard, I, and Pippin, on foot (he part of her character, for I know her
was just out of St. George's). Messrs. well. Once she injures you she can
Huguet and Yates rolled in their car- never forgive you. So long as she has
riage to meet us at the principal never hurt you there's a fair chance
towns where we played.             she never will. I have been about her
As we could not afford to make for years, and she never molested me
her common, our walking was all till yesterday. But, if she once attacks
ni(rht-work, and introduced me to a a man, that man's death-warrant is
rough life.                        signed. I can't altogether account for
The average of night weather is it, but trust my experience, it is so.
wetter and windier than day, and I would have stayed with you all my
many a vile night we tramped through life if she had not shown me my fate,
when wise men were abed; and we but not now. Merci! I have a wife
never knew for certain where we and two children in France. I have
should pass the night, for it depended saved some money out of her. I reon Djek.  She was so enormous that turn to the bosom of my family; and
half the inns could not find us a if Pippin stays with her after the hint
place big enough for her. Our first she gave him  in London, why, you
evening stroll was to Bath and Bris- will see the death of Pippin, my lad,




324                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
voila tout, that is if you don't go first.   As if this was not enough, Pippin
Qu'est quo 9a te fait h la fin I tu es would always wear a conical hat;
garCon toi - buvons!"             and, hall he but stepped upon the
The next day he left us, and left me stage in " Masaniello" or the like, all
sad forone. The quietdetermination  the other brigands would have sunk
with which he acted upon positive ex- down to a rural police by the side of
perience of her was enough to make a our man.   But now comes the abman thoughtful; and then Bernard surdity. His inside was not different
was the flower of us: he was the drop from his out; it was the exact oppoof mirth and gayety in our iron cup. site.  You might turn over twenty
He was a pure, unadulterated French- thousand bullet heads and bolus eves
man; and, to be just, where can you before you could find  one man so
find  anything  so delightful as a thoroughly harmless as this thunderFrenchman - of the right sort?    ing brigand.  He was Just a pet, a
He fluttered home singing,       universal pet of all the men and wo" Les doux yeux de ma brunet-te,   men that came near him. He had the
Tout-e mignonett-e - tout —e — gentil- disposition of a dove and the heart of
lett-e.,"                    a hare.  He was a lamb in wolf's
and left us all in black..         clothing.
God bless you, my merry fellow.   My next portrait is not so pleasing.
I hope you  found your children          A MAN TURNED BRUTE.
healthy, and your brunette true, and   Some ten years before this, a fine
your friends alive, and that the world stout young English rustic entered
is just to you, and smiles on you, as the service of Mademoiselle Djek.
you do on it, and did on us.       He was a model for bone and muscle,
From Liverpool we walked to Glas- and had two cheeks like roses. When
gow, from Glasgow to Edinburgh, and he first went to Paris he was looked
fiom Edinburgh on a cold starry mid- on as a curiosity there. People used
night we started for Newcastle.    to come to Djek's stable to see her,
In this interval of business let me and Elliot, theyoung English Samson.
paint you my companions Pippin and Just ten years after this young Elliot
Elliot. The reader is entitled to this, had got to be called "old Elliot."
for there must have been something His face was not only pale, it was colout of the common in their looks, orless; it was the face of a walking
since I was within an ace of being corpse. This came of ten years' brankilled along of the Italian's face, and dy and brute.  I have often asked
was imprisoned four days through the people to guess the man's age, and
Englishman's mug.                  they always guessed sixty, sixty-five,
The Italian whom we know by the or seventy, - oftenest the latter.
nickname of Pippin was a man of im-   He was thirty-five, -not a day
mense stature and athletic mould. more.
His face, once seen, would never be   This man's mind had come down
forgotten. His skin, almost as swar- along with his body. He understood
thy as Othello's, was set off by daz- nothing but elephant; he seldom
zling ivory teeth, and lighted by two talked, and then nothing but eleglorious large eyes, black as jet, bril- phant.   He was an elephant-man.
liant as diamonds; the orbs of black I will give you an instance which I
lightning gleamed from beneath eye- always thought curious.
brows that many a dandy would have   An elephant, you may have ohbought for mustaches at a high valu- served, cannot stand quite still. The
ation.  A nose like a reaping-hook great weight of its head causes a
completed him.  Perch him on a tol- nodding movement, which is perpeterable-sized rock, and there you had ual when the creature stands erect.
a black eagle.                     Well, this Tom Elliot when he stood




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        325
up, used always to have one foot ad- first notion; but, looking round, there
vanced, and his eyes half closed, and was Elliot behind me.
his head niddle-nodding like an ele-   "I was afraid she had tried it on
phant all the time; and, with it all, with you," I said.
such a presence of brute and absence   "Who   "
of soul in his mug, enough to give   "The elephant."
a thoughtful man some very queer   Elliot's face was not generally exideas about man and beast.         pressive, but the look of silent scorn
he gave me at the idea of the elephant
attacking  himl  was worth seeing.
The brute knew something I did not
know, and could not find out; and
CHAPTER VI.              from this one piece of knowledge lhe
looked down upon me with a sort of
MY office in this trip was merely contempt that set all the Seven Dials'
to contract for the elephant's food at blood on fire.
the various places; but I was getting   " I will bottom this," said I, " if I
older and shrewder, and more design- die for it."
ing than I used to be, and I was   My plan now was to feed Djek
quite keen enough to see in this ele- every day with my own hand, but
phant the means of bettering my for- never to go near her without Elliot
tunes, if I could but make friends with  at my very side and in front of the
her. But how to do this? She was elephant.
like a coquette' strange  admirers   This was my first step.
welcome; but when you had courted   We were now  drawing toward
her awhile she got tired of you, and Newcastle, and had to lie at Morpeth,
then nothing short of your demise sat- where we arrived late, and found Mr.
isfied her caprice. Her heart seemed Yates and M. Huguet, who had come
inaccessible except to this brute El- out from Newcastle to meet us; and
liot, and he, drunk or sober, guarded at this place I determined on a new
the secret of his fascination by some move which I had long meditated.
instinct, for reason he possessed in a   Elliot, I reflected, always  slept
very small degree.                 with  the elephant. None of the
I played the spy on quadruped and other men had ever done this. Now
biped, and I found out the fact, but might there not be some magic in
the reason beat me. I saw that she this unbroken familiarity between the
was more tenderly careful of him than two animals?
a mother of her child. I saw him    Accordingly, at Morpeth, I preroll down stupid drunk under her tended there was no bed vacant in
belly, and I saw her lift first one foot the inn, and asked Elliot to let me lie
and then the other, and draw them  beside him: he grunted an ungracious
slowly and carefully back, trembling assent.
with fear lest she might make a mis-   Not to overdo it at first, I got
take and hurt him.                 Elliot between me and Djek, so that
But why she was a mother to him  if she was offended at my intrusion
and a step-mother to the rest of us, she must pass over her darling to rethat.1 could not learn.            sent it. We had tramped a good
One day, between Plymouth  and many miles, and were soon  fast
Liverpool, having left Elliot and her asleep.
together, I happened to return, and I   About two in the morning I was
found the elephant alone and in a awoke by a shout and a crunching,
state of excitement, and looking in I and felt myself dropping into the
observed some blood uponr thle straw. straw out of the elephant's nmouth.
His turn has come at last, was my She had stretched her proboscis over




326                  JACK  OF ALL TRADES,him, - had taken me up so delicately as I was, and there we saw a sight to
that I felt nothing, and when Elliot make our blood run cold. On the
shouted I was in her mouth. At his corn-bin lay poor Baptiste crushed
voice, that rung in my ears like the into a mummy. How it happened
last trumpet, she dropped me like a there was no means of knowing; but,
hot potato. I rolled out of the straw, no doubt, while he was groping in
giving tongue a good one, and ran the straw for my wretched shoes, she
out of the shed..I had no sooner got struck him  with her trunk, perhaps
to the inn than I felt a sickening pain more than once; his breast-bones
iin my shoulder and fainted away.    were broken to chips, and every time
Her huge tooth had gone into my he breathed, which by God's mercy
shoulder like a wedge. It was my- was not many minutes, the man's
self I had heard being crunched.    whole chest-frame puffed out like a
They did what they could for me, bladder with the action of his lungs:
and I soon came to. When I re- it was too horrible to look at.
covered my senses I was seized with   Elliot had run at Baptiste's cry,
vomiting; but at last all violent but too late to save his life this time.
symptoms abated, and I began to He had drawn the man out of the:suffer great pain in the injured part, straw as she was about to pound him
and did suffer for six weeks.     to a jelly, and there the poor soul lay
And so I scraped clear. Somehow  on the corn-bin, and by his side lay
or other, Elliot was not drunk, or the things he had died for, - two old
nothing could have saved me. For a shoes. Elliot had found them in the
second wonder, he, who was a heavy straw, and put them there of all places
sleeper, woke at the very slight noise in the world.
she made eating me: a moment later,   By this time all Morpeth was out.
and nothing could have saved me. I They besieged the doors and vowed
use too many words, - suppose she death to the elephant. M. Huguet
had eaten me, - what then?       became greatly alarmed. He could
They told Mr. Yates at breakfast, spare Baptiste, but he could not spare
and he sent for me, and advised me Djek. He got Mr. Yates to pacify
to lie quiet at Morpeth till the fever the people. " Tell them something,"
of the wound should be off me; but I said he.
refused. She was to start at ten, and   " What on earth can I say for her
I told him I should start with her.    over that man's bleeding body? " said
Running from grim death like that, Mr. Yates. " Curse her! would to
I had left my shoes behind in the God I had never seen her!"
shed, and M. Huguet sent his servant   "Tell them  he used her cruel,"
Baptiste, an Italian, for them.    said M. Huguet. "I have brought
Mr. Yates then asked me for all the her off with that before now."
particulars, and, while I was telling    Well, my sickness came on again,
him and M. Huguet, we heard a com- partly, no doubt, by the sight and the
motion in the street, and saw people remorse, and I was got to bed, and
running, and presently one of the lay there some days; so I did not see
waiters ran in and cried: -       all that passed, but I heard some, and
" The elephant has killed a man, I know the rest by instinct now.
or near it."                         Half an hour after breakfast-time
Mr. Yates laughed and said -     Baptiste died. On this the elephant
" Not quite so bad as that; for here was detained by the authorities, and a
is the man."                       coroner's inquest was summoned, and
" No, no," cried the waiter, "it is sat in the shambles on the victim,
not him; it is one of the foreigners."  with the butcheress looking on' at the
Mr. Yates started up all trembling. proceedings.
He ran to the stable. I followed him    Pippin told me she took off a jurp




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        327
man's hat during the investigation, dence that the man had stabbed the
waved it triumphantly in the air, and elephant in the trunk with a pitchfork
placed it cleverly on her favorite's about two years ago while in a state
head, old Tom.                     of intoxication, and that on the TuesAt this inquest two or three persons day previous to the inquest the animal
deposed on oath that the deceased had caught hold of him  with her trunk
ill used her more than  once in and did him so much injury that he
France; in particular, that he had died in a few hours. Verdict, died
run a pitchfork into her two years from the wounds and bruises received
ago; that he had been remonstrated from the trunk of an elephant. Deowith, but in vain; unfortunately, she dand, 5s."
had recognized him  at once, and    Well, this has gone all abroad, for
killed him  out of revenge for past print travels like wind; and it is not
cruelty, or to save herself from fresh fair to the friends and the memory
outrages.                          of this Baptiste Bernard to print that
This cooled the ardor against her. he died by his own cruelty, or fault,
Some even took part with her against or folly, so take my deposition, and
the man.                           carry it to Milan, his native city.
" Run a pitchfork into an elephant!   I declare upon oath that the above
0, for shame! no wonder she killed is a lie; that the man was never an
him at last. How good of her not attendant upon the female elephant;
to kill him then and there, - what for- he was an attendant on the female
bearance, - forgave it for two years, Hugl et;   for he was  that lady's
ye see."                           footman.  His first introduction to
There is a fixed opinion among men Mademoiselle Djek was her killing
that an elephant is a good kind crea- him, and he died, not by any fault
ture. The opinion is fed by the pro- of his own, but by the will of God
prietors of elephants, who must nurse and through ignorance of the real
the notion or lose their customers, and nature of the fidl-grown elephant, the
so a set tale is always ready to clear cunningest, most  treacherous and
the guilty and criminate the sufferer; bloodthirsty beast that ever played
and this tale is greedily swallowed by the butcher among mankind.
the public. You will hear and read    What men speak dissolves in the
many such tales in the papers before air, what they print stands fast and
you die. Every such tale is a lie.  will look them in the face to all eterHow  curiously  things  happen! nity.  I print the truth about this
Last year, i. e. more than twenty man's death; so help me God.
years after this event, my little girl   Business is business. As soon as
went for a pound of butter to Newport we had got the inquest over and
Street.  She brought it wrapped up stamped the lie current, hid the truth
in a scrap of a very old newspaper; and buried the man, we marched
in unrolling it, my eye, by mere acci- south and played our little play at
dent, fell upon these words: "An in- Newcastle.
quest."  I had no sooner read the   Deodand for a human soul sent by
paragraph than I put the scrap of pa- murder to its account, five bob.
per away in my desk: it lies before   After Newcastle we walkedto York,
me now, and I am copying it.       and thence to Manchester. I crept
"An inquest was held at the Phce- along thoroughly crestfallen. Months
nix Inn, Morpeth, on the 27th ultimo, and months I had watched, and spied,
on view of the body of an Italian and tried to pluck out the heart of
named Baptiste Bernard, whowasone this Tom  Elliot's mystery; I lad
of the attendants on the female ele- failed.  Months and months I had
phant which lately performed at the tried to gain some influence over
Adelphi. It appeared from the evi- I)jek; I had failed. But for Elliot,




328                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
it was clear I shoulld not live a single all to sea together in the middle of
day within reach of her trunk; this November, a pretty month to cross
brute was my superior. I was corn- the Atlantic in.
pelled to look up to him, and I did   This was what betters call a hedge,
look tup to hli.                   and not a bad one.
As I tramped sulkily along, my   Our party was Queen Djck; Mr.
smarting shoulder reminded me that Stevenson, her financier; Mr. Gallott,
in elephant, as in everything else I her stage-manager and wrongful heir;
had tried, I was Jack, not master.    Elliot, her keeper, her lord, her king';
The proprietors had their cause Pippin, her slave, always trembling
of discontent too. We had silenced for his head; myself, her commisthe law, but we could not silence sariat; and one George I-Hinde, firom
opinion.  Somehow suspicion hung  Wombwell's, her man-of-all-work.
about her in the very air wherever   She had a stout cabin built upon
she went. She never throve in the deck for her. It cost ~ 40 to make;
English provinces after the Morpeth what she paid for the accommodation
job, and, finding  this, Mr. Yates Heaven knows, but I should think a
said: " 0, hang her, she has lost her good round sum, for it was the. curse
character here; send her to Amer- of the sailors and passengers, and
ica."  So he and M. Huguet joined  added fresh terrors to navigation.
partnership and took this new spec- The steersman could not see the
ulation on their shoulders. America ship's head until the sea took the
was even in that day a great card mariners' part and knocked it into
if you went with an English  or toothpicks.
French reputation.. Captain Sebor had such a passage
I had been thinking of leaving with us as he had never encountered
her and her'old Tom  in despair; before. He told us so, - andno wonbut, now that other dangers and in- der;. he never had such a wholesale
conveniences were to be endured be- murderess on board before, - contrary
sides her and her trunk, by some winds folever, and' stiff gales too.
strange freak of human nature, or At last it blew great guns; and one
by fate, I began to cling to her like night, as the sun went down crimson
a limpet to a rock the more you pull in the Gulf of Florida, the sea runat him.                            ning mountains high, I saw Captain
Mr. Yates dissuaded me. "Have Sebor himself was fidgety.. He had
nothing to do with her, Jack; she cause. That night a tempest came
will serve you like  all the rest. on; the "Ontario" rolled fearfully
Stay at home, and I'11 find something  and groaned like a dying man; about
for you in the theatre."           two in the morning a sea struck her,
I thought a great deal of Mr. smashed Djek's cabin to atoms, and
Yates for this, for he was speaking  left her exposed and reeling; another
against his own interest. I was a such would now have swept her ovcrfaithful servant to him, and he need- board, but her wits never left her for
ed one about her.  Manyv a five- a moment. She threw herself down
pound note I had saved him  al- flatter than any man could have conready, and well he deserved it at my ceived possible; out went all her four
hands.                             legs, and she glued her belly to the
"No, sir," I said, "I shall be of deck; the sailors passed a chain from
use, and I can't bear to be nonplushed the weather to the lee bulwarks, and
by two brutes like Elliot and her. I she seized it with her proboscis, and
have begun to study her, and I must held on like grim death. Poor thing,
go on to the word'finis'!"      her coat never got not to say dry; she
Messrs. Yates and Huguet insured was like a great water-rat all the rest
the elephant for ~ 20,000, and sent us of the voyage.




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        329
The passage was twelve weeks of but at this time they were not ripe for
foul weather. The elephant began an elephant.
to be suspected of being the cause of   We left New York, and away to
this, and the sailors often looked Philadelphia on foot and steamboat.
askant at her, and said we should   There is a place on the Delaware
never see port till she walked the where the boat draws up to a small
plank into the Atlantic. If her un- pier.  Down this we marched, and
derwriters saved their twenty thou- about ten yards from  the end the
sand pounds, it was touch and go floor gave way nunder her weight, and
more than once or twice. Moreover, Djek and her train fell into the sea.
she ate so little all the voyage that I was awoke from a revery, and found
it was a wonder to Elliot and me how  myself sitting right at~ top of her,
she came not to die of sickness and with my knees in Chesapeake Bay.
hunger. I suppose she survived it Elliot had a rough Benjamin on, and
all because she had more mischief to as he was coming thundering down
do.                               with the rest of the rubbish, alive and
As the pretty little witches sing dead, it caught in a nail, and he hung
in Mr. Locke's opera of " Macbeth," over the bay by the shoulder like an
She must, she must, she must, she Indian fakir, cursing and swearing
must, she must shed -  much -  for all the world like a dogr barking.
more — blood.                      I never saw such a posture, - and 0O
the language!
I swam out, but Djek was caught
CHAPTER  VII.            in a trap between the two sets of piles.
The water was about two feet over
OUR  preposterous long voyage de- her head, so that every now and then
ranged all the calculations that had she disappeared, and then striking the
been made for us in England, and bottom she came up again, plunging,
we reached New York just at the and rolling, and making waves like a
wrong time. We found Master Burke steamboat. Her trunk she kept verplaying at the Park Theatre, and we tical, like the hose of a diving-bell,
were forced to treat with an inferior and 0, the noises that came up froln
house, the Bowery Theatre.  We the bottom of the sea through that
played there with but small success flesh-pipe! For about four hours she
compared with what we had been went up and down the gamut of " 0
used to in Europe.  Master Burke Lord, what shall I co? " more than a
filled the house, - we did not fill ours, thousand times, I think. We brought
— so that at last she was actually ropes to her aid, and boats and men,
eclipsed by a human actor; to be sure and tried all we knew to move her,
it was a boy, not a man, and child's but in vain; and when we had explay is sometimes preferred by the hausted our sagacity she drew upon
theatre-going world even to horse- a better bank, — her own. Talk of
play.                              brutes not being able to reason,
The statesmen were cold to us; gammon.  Djek could reason like
they had not at this time learned to Solomon; for each fresh difficulty
form  an opinion of their own at she found a fresh resource. On this
sight on such matters, and we did not occasion she did what I never saw her
bring them  an overpowering Euro- do before or since: she took her enorpean verdict to which they had noth- mous skull, and used it as a batteringing to do but sign their names. ram  against the piles; two of them
There was no groove cut for the resisted —no  wonder - they were
mind to run in, and while they hes- about eight inches in diameter; the
itated  the speculation halted.  I third snapped like glass, and she
think she would succeed there now; plunged through and waddled oat




330                   JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
shore. I met her with a bucket of American  towns, I forget which,
brandy and hot water - stiff.      passing by I)jck's shed, I heard a
Ladies, who are said to sip this tremendous row. I was about to call
compound in your boudoirs while! Elliot, thinking it was the old story,
your husbands are smoking at the somebody getting butchered; but, I
clubs, but I don't believe it of you, don't know how it was, something
learn how this lady disposed of her stopped me, and I looked cautiously
wooden tumbler full. She thrust her in instead, and saw Tom Elliot walkproboscis into it. Whis-s-s-s —p! ing into her with a pitchfork, she
now it is all in her trunk.  Whis-s trembling like a school-boy with her
-s-sh! now it is all in her abdo- head in a corner, and  the blood
men: one breath drawn and exhaled streaming from  her sides. As soon
sent it from the bucket home. This as he caught sight of me he left off
done, her eye twinkled, and she trum- and muttered unintelligibly. I said
peted to the tune of " All is well that nothing. I thought the more.
ends well."
I should weary the reader were I
to relate at length all the small incidents that befell us in the United          CHAPTER  VIII.
States.
The general result was failure, loss   WV  had to go by water to a place
of money, our salaries not paid up, called City Point, and thence to Pittsand fearful embarrassments staring ville. I made a mistake as to the
us in the face. We scraped through hour the boat started, and Djek and
without pawning the elephant, but Co. went on board without me.
we were often on the verge of it. All   Well, you will say I could follow
this did not choke my ambition. by the next boat. But how  about
Warned by the past, I never ventured the tin to pay the passage?  My
near her (unless Elliot was there) for pocket was dry, and the treasurer
twelve months after our landing; but gone on. But I had a good set of
I was always watching Elliot and her biackino-brushes; so sold them, and
to find the secret of his influence.  followed on with the proceeds - got
A fearful annoyance to the leaders to City Point. Elephant gone on to
of the speculation was the drunken- Pittsville; that I expected. Twenty
ness of Old Tom and George Hinde: miles or so I had to tramp on an
these two encouraged one another and empty stomach. And now  does n't
defied us, and of course they, were the Devil send me a fellow who shows
our masters, because no one but El- me a short cut through a wood to
liot could move the elephant from  Pittsville: into the wood I go. I
place to place, or work her on the thought it was to be like an English
stage.                             wood, - out of the sun into a pleasant
One night Elliot was so drunk that shade, and, by then you are cool,
he fell down senseless at the door of into the world again. Instead of that,
her shed on his way to repose. Iwas "the deeper, the deeper you are, in
not near, but Mr. Gallott it seems it," as the song of the bottle says, the
was, and he told us she put out her farther you were fromn getting out of it.
proboscis, drew him tenderly in, laid Presently two roads instead of one, and
him  on the straw, and flung some then I knew I was done. I took one
straw over him  or partly over him. road: it twisted like a serpent. I
Mr. Gallott is alive, and a public had not been half an hour on it becharacter; you can ask him whether fore I lost all the points of the compass.
this is true: I tell this one thing on Says I, I don't know whether I. ever
hearsay.                           shall see daylight again; but if I do,
Not long after this, in one of the City Point will be the first thing I




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        331
shall see.  You mark  my words, seen her bills up, so he knew it was
said I.                             all right. " How am I to find my
So here was I lost in what they way out, sir?" said I. "Find your
call a wood out there, but we should way out?" said he. "You will never
call a forest at home.  And now, find your way out."   Good news,
being in the heart of it, I got among that.
the devilishest noises, and nothing to   He thought a bit; then he said:
be seen to account for them; little " The best thing you can do is to
feet suddenly pattering and scurrying come home with me, and to-moralong the ground, wings flapping out row I will send you on."
of trees; but what struck most awe   I could have hugged him.
into a chap from  the Seven Dials   "You had better walk behind me,"
was the rattle, -the everlasting rat- says he; "my pony bites."  So I
tie, and nothing to show. Often I tramped astern; and on we went,
have puzzled myself what this rattle patter, patter, patter through  the
could be. It was like a thousand wood. At first I felt as jolly as a
rattlesnakes, and did n't I wish I was sandboy marching behind the pony;
in the Seven Dials, though some get but when we had pattered best part
lost in them for that matter. After of an hour, I began to have my misall, I think it was only insects, but givings. In all the enchanted woods
insects by billions; you never heard ever I had read of, there was a small
anything like it in an English wood.  trifle of a wizard or ogre that took
Just as I was losing heart in this you home and settled your hash. Fee
enchanted wood, I heard an earthly faw fum, I smell the blood of an Engsound, the tramp of a horse's foot. It lishmun, etc.
was music.                           And still on we pattered, and the sun
But the leaves were so thick I began to decline, and the wood to
could not see where the horse was; darken, and still we pattered on. I
he seemed to get farther off, and then was just thinking of turning tail and
nearer. At last the sound came so slipping back among thepanthers, and
close I made a run, burst through a mosquitoes, and rattlesnakes, when, 0
lot of green leaves, and came out be joyful, we burst on a clearing, and
plump on a man riding a gray cob. there was a nice house in the middle
He up with the but-end of his whip of it, and out came the dogs jumping
to fell me, but seeing I was respecta- to welcome us, and niggers no end
ble, "Halloo! stranger,"  says  he, with white eyeballs and grinders like
" guess you  sort o' startled me." snow.
"Beg pardon, sir," says I, "but I   They pulled him off his horse, and
have lost my way."  "I see you are in we went. There was his good
a stranger," said he.              lady, and his daughter, - a beautiful
So then he asked me where I was girl, and such a dinner. We sat
bound for, and I told him Pittsville.  down, and I maintained a modest
I won't insult the reader by telling taciturnity for some minutes: " The
him what he said about the course I silent hog eats the most acorns."
had been taking through the wood. I After dinner he shows me all manner
might as well tell him his A B C, or of ways of mixing the grog, and I
which side his bread and butter falls show him one way of drinking it, -
in the dust on. Then he asked me when you can get it. Then he must
who I was. So I told him I was one hear about the elephant. So I tell
of the elephant's domestics, least- him the jade's history, but bind him
ways I did not word it so candid: to secrecy.
"I was in charge of the elephant,   Then  the young lady puts in.
and had taken a short cut."        "So you are really an Englishman l "
Now he had heard of Djek, and and she looks me all over.




332                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
"That you may take your oath of, beneficent fiends mizzled  with  a
Pmiss," says I.                    hearty grin that seemed to turn them
"Oh!" says she, and smiles. I all ivory. I could not believe my
did not take it up at first, but I see senses: I had never been tucked in
what it was now. Me standing five since my mother's time.
feet four, I did not come up to her no-   In the morning, struggled out, and
tion of the Father of all Americans. came down to breakfast. Took leave
" Does this great people spring from  of the good Samaritan, who appointsuch a little stock as we have here? " ed two of my niggers to see me out
thinks my young  lady. I should of the wood; made my bow to the
have up and told her the pluck makes ladies, and away with a grateful heart.
the man, and not the inches; but I The niggers conducted me clear of the
lost that chance. Then, being pressed wood and set me on the broad road.
with questions, I told them  all my Then came one of the pills a poor
adventures, and they hung on my fellow has to stomach. I had made
words. It was a new leaf to them, I friends with the poor darkies, and
could see that.                    now I had not even a few pence to
The young lady's eyes glittered give them, and suc-h a little would
like two purple stars at a stranger have gone so far with them! I have
with the gift of the gab that had seen often felt the bitterness of poverty,
so much life as I had, and midnight but never I do think as when I parted
came in on time. Then I was ushered with my poor niggers at the edge of
to bed.. Now up to that time I had the wood, and was forced to see them
always gone to roost without pomp go slowly home without a farthing.
or ceremony; sometimes with a mould    I wish these few words could travel
candle, but oftener a farthing dip, across the water, and my good host
which I have seen it dart its beams might read them, and see I have not
out of a bottle instead of a flat candle- forgotten him all these years. But,
stick.                             dear heart! you may be sure he is
This time a whole cavalcade of us not upon the earth now. It is years
went up the  stairs: one blackie ago, and a man that had the heart to
marched in my van with two lights, harbor a stranger and a wanderer,
two blackies brought up my rear. why, he would be one of the first to
They showed me into a beautiful go.
room, and stood in the half-light with    We steamed and tramped up and
eyes and teeth like red-hot silver, down the United States of America.
glittering and diabolical. I thought, On our return to Norfolk she broke
of course,, they would go away now. loose at midnight, slipped into the
Not they. Presently one imp of dark- town, took up the trees on the Bouness brings me a chair.            levard and strewed them  flat, went
I sit down, and wonder.  Other into the market, broke into a vegetatwo lay hold of my boots and whip ble shop, munched the entire stock,
them off. This done, they buzz about next to a coachmaker's, took off a
me like black and white fiends, fidget- carriage - wheel, opened  the  door,
ing, till I longed to punch their heads. stripped the cushions, and we found
They pull my coat off and my trou- her eating the stuffing.
sers; then they hoist me into bed:   One day at noon we found ourthis done, first one makes a run and selves fourteen miles from the town,
tucks me in, and grins over me dia- I forget its name, we had to play in
bolical; then another comes like a that very night.  Mr. Gallott had
battering-ram, and tucks me in tight- gone on to rehearse, etc., and it beer. Fiend 3 looks at the work, and hooved us to be marching after him.
puts the artful touches at the corners, At this juncture, old Tom, being
and behold me wedged, and then the rather drunk, feels a strong desire to




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        333
be quite drunk, and refuses to stir walked with me like a lamb.  I
from his brandy and water. Our ex- found myself alone with her on the
chequer was in no condition to be tri- road, and fourteen miles of it before
fled with thus: if Elliot & Co. be- us. It was a serious situation, but I
came helpless for an hour or two, we  rwas ripe for it now. All the old weoshould arrive too late for the night's men's stories and traditions about an
performance, and Djek eating her elephant's character had been driven
head off all the while. I coaxed and out of me by experience and washed
threatened our two brandy sponges, out with blood. I had fathomed Elbut in vain; they stuck and sucked. liot's art. I had got what the French
I was in despair, and, being in de- call the riddle-key of Mademoiselle
spair, came to a desperate resolution: Djek, and that key was " steel "!
I determined to try and master her   On we marched, the best of friends.
myself then and there, and to defy There were a number of little hills
these drunkards.                   on the road, and as we mounted one,
I told Pippin my project;  He a figure used to appear behind us on
started back aghast. He viewed me the crest of the last between us and
in the light of a madman. "Are the sky: this was the gallant Pippin,
you tired of your life? " said he. solicitous for his friend's fate, but deBut I was inflexible. Seven Dials sirous of not partaking it if adverse.
pluck was up. I was enraged with  And still the worthy Djek and I
my drunkards, and I was tired of marched  on the best of friends.
waiting so many years the slave of a About a mile out of the town, she
quadruped whose master was a brute. put out her trunk and tried to curl it
Elephants are driven with a rod of round me in a caressing way. I met
steel sharpened at the end; about a this overture by driving the steel into
foot from the end of this weapon is-a her till the blood squirted out of her.
large hook; by sticking this hook If I had not, the siren would have
into an elephant's ear, and pulling it, killed me in the course of the next
you make her sensible which way five minutes. Whenever she relaxed
you want her to go, and persuade her her speed I drove the steel into her.
to comply.                         When the afternoon sun smiled gloArmed with this tool, I walked up riously on us, and the poor thing felt
to Djek's shed, and, in the most nature stir in her heart, and began to
harsh and brutal voice I could com- fiisk in  her awful clumsy way,
mand, bade her come out.  She pounding the great globe, I drove
moved in the shed, but hesitated. I the steel into her; if I had not, I
repeated the command still more re- should not be here to relate this
pulsively, and out she came toward  sprightly narrative.
me very slowly.                      Meantime, at-, her stage-manWith beasts such as lions, tigers, age-r and financier were in great disand elephants, great promptitude is tress and anxiety; fouir o'clock, and
the thing.  Think for them! don't no elephant. At last they got so
give them  time to think, or their frightened, they came out to meet us,
thoughts may be evil. I had learned and presently, to their amazement
this much, so I introduced myself by and delight, Djek strode up with her
driving the steel into Djek's ribs, and new general. Their ecstasy was great
then hooking her ear, while Pippin to think that the whole business was
looked down from a first-story win- no longer at a drunkard's mercy.
dow. If Djek had known how my "But how did you manage? How
heart was beating she would have ever did ye win her heart? "  " With
killed me then and there; but, ob- this," said I, and showed them the
serving no hesitation on my part, she bloody steel.
took it all as a matter of course, and   We had not been in the town half




334                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
an hour before Tom  and George that would not do. I sprang upon
came in. They were not so drunk her like a tiger, and drove the pitchbut what they trembled for their situ- fork into her trunk.  She gave a yell
ations after my exploit, and rolled  of dismay and turned alittle from me;
and zigzagoged after us as fast as they I drove the fork into her ear.
could.                               Then came out her real character.
By these means I rose from mad-   She wheeled round, ran her head
emoiselle's slave to be her friend and into a corner, stuck out her great butcompanion.                         tocks, and trembled all over like a
leaf. I stabbed her with all my force
for half an hour till the blood poured
CHAPTER  IX.              out of every square foot of her huge
body, and, during the operation, she
Tiiis feat kept my two drunkards would have crept into a nutshell if she
in better order, and revived my own could. I filled her as full of holes as
dormant ambition. I used now to a cloved orange.
visit her by myself, steel in hand, to   The blood that trickled out of her
feed her, etc., and scrape acquaint- saved mine; and, for the first time, I
ance with her by every means, - steel walked out of her shambles her masin hand. One day I was feeding her, ter.
when suddenly I thought a house had    One year and six months after we
fallen on me. I felt myself crashing had landed at New York to conquer
against the door, and there I was ly- another hemisphere, we turned tail
ing upon it in the passage with all the and sailed for England again. We
breath driven clean out of my body. had a prosperous voyage, with the
Pippin came and lifted me up and exception of one accident.  George
carried me into the air. I thought I Hinde, from  incessant brandy, had
should have died before breath could delirium tremens, and one night, in a
get into my lungs again. She had fit of it, he had just sense enough to
done this with a push from the thick see that he was hardly to be trusted
end of her proboscis. After a while I with the care of himself.  "John,"
came to. I had no sooner recovered said he to me, " tie me to this mast
my breath than I ran into the stable, hand and foot."  I demurred; but he
and came back with a pitchfork. Pip- begged me for Heaven's sake, so I
pin saw my intention and implored me, bound him hand and foot as per order.
for Heaven's sake, not to. I would This done, some one called me down
not listen to him: he flung his arms below, and while I was there it seems
round me.  I threatened  to turn George got very uncomfortable, and
the fork on him if he did not let me began to halloo and complain. Up
go.                                comes the captain, -sees a man
" Hark!" said he; and sure enough, lashed to the mast. " What game is
there she was snorting and getting up this?" says he. " It is that little
her rage. " I know all about that," blackguard John," says Hinde; "he
said I; " my death-warrant is drawn caught me sleeping against the mast,
up, and if I don't strike it will be and toolk a mean advantage; do loose
signed. This is how she has felt her me, captain!"  The captain made
way with all of them before she has sure it was a sea-jest, and loosed him
killed them. I have but one chance with his own hands. " Thank you,
of life," said I, " and I won't throw it captain," says George, "you are a
away without a struggle."  I opeined good fellow. God bless you all!"
the door, and, with a mind full of mis- and with these words he ran aft and
givings, I walked quickly up to her. jumped into the sea.   A  Yankee
I did not hesitate to raise the question sailor made a grab at him and just
which of us two was to suffer, I knew  touched his coat, but it was too late




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                       335
to save him, and we were going before could see her beautiful white fingers
the wind ten knots an hour. Thus tremble with eagerness as they dived
George Hinde fell by brandy; his among the coin.  She soon bought
kindred  spirit, old  Tom, seemed the loaf, and, as she handed it to me,
ready to follow, without the help of I happened to look in her face, and
water, salt or fresh. This man's face her cheek was red and her eyes quite
was now a uniform color, white, with brimming.   Her  quick  woman's
a scarce perceptible bluish-yellowish heart had told her the truth, that it
tinge. He was a moving corpse.     was a well-dressed and tolerably wellDrink  forever! it makes men behaved man's last shilling, and he
thieves, murderers, asses, and pau- returning after years of travel to his
pers; but what about that i so long as native land.
it sends them to an early grave with   I am sure, until the young lady felt
"beast" for their friends to write for me, I thought nothing of it; I
over their tombstones, unless they had been at my last shilling more
have a mind to tell lies in a church- than once.  But when I saw she
yard, and that is acommon trick.    thought it hard, I began to think it
We arrived at the mouth of the was hard, and I remember the water
Thames.                            came into my own eyes.  Heaven
Some boats boarded us with fiesh bless her, and may she never want a
provisions and delicacies; among the shilling in her pocket, nor a kind
rest, one I had not tasted for many a heart near her to show her the world
dav: it is called, soft-tommy at sea, is not all made of stone.
aniC on land bread. The merchant' We had no money to pay our
stood on tiptoe and handed a loaf to- passage, and we found Mr. Yates
ward me, and I leaned over, the bul- somewhat embarrassed. We had cost
warks and stretched down to him  him a thousand or two, and lo rewith a shilling in my hand. But, as turn; so, while he wrote to Mons.
ill luck would have it, the shilling Huguet, that cameto pass in England
slipped from my fingers and fell. If which we had always just contrived
it had been some mnen's it would have to stave off abroad.
fallen into the boat, others' into the   The elephant was pawned.
sea, slap; but it was mine, and so it   And now I became of use to the
fell on the boat's very rim, and then proprietors.  I arranged with the
danced to its own music into the wa- mortgagees, and they made the spout
ter. I looked after it in silence; a a show-place. I used to exhibit her
young lady with whom I had made and her tricks, and with the proceeds
some little acquaintance during the I fed her and Elliot and myself.
voyage happened to be at my elbow,   We had been three weeks in pledge,
and she laughed most merrily as the when, one fine morning, as I was
shilling went down. I remember be- showing off seated on the elephant's
ing  astonished  that she laughed. back, I heard a French exclamnation
The man still held out the brieal, but of surprise and joy; I looked down,
I shook my head. "I must'go with- and there was M. Huguet. I came
out now," said I; the young lady down to him, and he, whose quick
was quite surprised.  "Why, it is eye saw a way through me. out of
worth a guinea," cried she. "Yes, drunken Elliot, gave a loose to his
miss," said I, sheepishly, "but we feelings, and embraced me at la Francan't alwavs have what we like, you qaise, "which made the common peosee; I ought to have held my shilling ple very much to admire," as the
tighter."                          song has it; also a polite howl of de"Your shilling," cries she. "Oh!" rision greeted our Continental affecand she dashed her hand into her tion. M. Huguet put his hand into
pocket and took out her purse, and I his pocket, and we got out of limbo,




336                  JACK OF ALL TRADES.
and were let loose upon suffering hu- nerves.  The only thing we did
Inanity once more.                wrong was, we broke through a granThey talk as if English gold did ite mountain and fell down on to the
everything; but it was French gold plains, and hurt our knee, and broke
bought us off, I know that, for I saw  one super, - only one.
it come out of his pocket.           The Lions of Mysore went a starAs soon as we were redeemed, we ring to Liverpool, and we accompatook an engagement at Astley's, and, nied them. While we were there the
during this engagement, cadaverous cholera broke out in England, and M.
Tom, finding we could master her, Huguet summoned us  hastily to
used to attend less and less to her France.  We brushed our hats, put
and more and more to brandy.      on our gloves, and walked at one
A certain baker, who brought her stretch fromn Liverpool to Dover.
loaves every morning for breakfast, There we embarked for Boulogne:
used to ask me to let him feed her Djek, cadaverous Tom, wolf-skinhimself. He admired her, and took lamb Pippin, and myself.  I was
this way of making her fond of him. now  in Huguet's service at fifty
One day I had left these two fiiends fiancs a week as coadjutor and sucand their loaves together for a min- cessor of cadaverous Tom, whose deute, when I heard a fearful cry. I mise was hourly expected even by us
knew the sound too well by this time, who were hardened by use to his apand, as I ran back, I had the sense pearance, which was that of the ghost
to halloo at her: this saved the of delirium tremens. We arrived off
man's life. At the sound. of my Boulogne Pier; but there we were
voice she dropped him from a height boarded by men in uniforms and
of about twelve feet, and he rolled mustaches, and questions put about
away like a ball of worsted. I dashed the cholera, which disease the civic
in, up with the pitchfork, and into authorities of Boulogne were deterher like lightning, and, while the mined to keep on the other side of the
blood was squirting out of her from a Channel.   The  captain's  answer
hundred little prong-holes, the poor proving satisfactory, we were allowed
baker limped away.:               to run into the port.
Any gentleman or lady who wish-   In landing anywhere Djek and her
es to know how a man feels when attendants had always to wait till
seized by an elephant, preparatory to the other passengers had got clear,
being squelched, can consult this per- and we did so on this occasion.  At
son; he is a respectable tradesman; length our turn came; but we had no
his nameis Johns; he lives near Ast- sooner crossed  the  gangway  and
ley's Theatre, or used to, and for ob- touched French ground than a movevious reasons can tell you this one ment took place on the quay, and a
anecdote out of many such better lot of bayonets bristled in our faces,
than I can; that is if he has not for- and " Halte la! "was the word. We
gotten it, and I dare say he has n't -  begged an explanation; in answer,
ask him!                           an officer glared with eyes like sauAfter Astley's, Drury Lane engaged cers, and pointed with his finger at
us to play second to the Lions of My- Elliot.  The truth flashed on us.
sore; rather a down-come; but we The  Frenchmen  were afraid  of
went.  In this theatre we behaved cholera coming over fronm England,
wonderfully.   Notwithstanding the and here was a man who  looked
number of people continually buzz- plague, cholera, or death himself in
ing about us, we kept our temper, person.  We remonstrated through
and did not smash a single one of an interpreter, but Tom's face was
these human gnats, so trying to our not to be refuted by words. Some
little female irritability and feeble were for seiding us back home to so




JACK OF ALL TRADES.
diseased a country as this article -feathers bending —mob cheering
must have come out of; but milder - trumpets crowing- and flints strikmeasures prevailed.  They set apart ing fire, we strode proudly into the
for our use a little corner of the quay, great city, the capital of pleasure.
and there they roped us in and sentinelled us. And so for four days, in.a —the polished kingdom of France, we
dwelt in a hut ruder far than any on        CHAPTER  X.
the banks of the Ohio. I)Drink forever! At last, as Tom  Coffin got   THESE were bright days to me. I
neither a worse nor a better color, was set over old Tom, - fancy that;
they listened to reason, and let us and my salary doubled his. I had
loose upon the nation at large, and fifty francs a week, and cleared as
away we tramped for Paris.         much more by showing her privately
Times were changed with us in one in her stable.
respect: we no longer marched to   Money melts in London, -it evapcertain victory; our long ill-success orates in Paris. Pippin was a great
in America had lessened our arro- favorite both with men and women
gance, and we crept along toward behind the scenes at Franconi's. He
Paris. But, luckily for us, we had introduced me to charming compannow a presiding head, and a good ions of both sexes; gayety reigned,
one. The soul of business is puffing, and tin and morals "made themand no man puffed better than our selves air, into which they vanished."
chief, M. Huguet. Half-way between  Shakespeare.
Boulogne and Paris we were met by   Toward the close of her engagea cavalier carrying our instructions ment Djek made one of her mistakes;
how  we were to enter Paris; and, she up with her rightful heir and
arrived at St. Denis, instead of going broke his ribs against the side scenes.
straight on, we skirted the town, and   We nearly had to stop her permade our formal entry by the Bois formances; we could not mend our
de Boulogne and the Arch of Tri- rightful heir by next night, and subumph. Huguet had come to terms stitutes did not pour in. "I won't
with Franconi, and, to give Djek's go on with her," "I won't play with
engagement more importance, Fran- her," was a cry that even the humblest
coni's whole troop were ordered out to  and neediest began to raise. I amn hapmeet us and escort us in.  They py to say that she was not under my
paraded up and down the Champs superintendence when this rightful
Elysdes first, to excite attention and heir came to grief.
inquiry, and when the public were-  And now the cholera came to Paris,
fairly agog our cavalcade formed and theatricals of all sorts declined,
outside the barrier, and came glitter- for there was a real tragedy playing
ing and prancing through the arch. in every street.  The deaths were
An elephant has her ups and downs very numerous, and awfully sudden;
like the rest. Djek, the despised of people were struck down in the streets
Kentucky and  Virginia, burst on as if by lightning; gloom and terror
Paris the centre of a shining throng. hung over all.
Franconi's bright amazons and ex-   When this terrible disease is better
quisite cavaliers rode to and fro our known it will be found to be of the naline, carrying sham  messages with ture of strong poison, and its cure, if
earnest faces; Djek was bedecked with any, will be strychnine, belladonna,
ribbons, and seemed to tread more or, likelier still, some quick and deadly
majestically, and our own hearts beat mineral poison that kills the healthy
higher, as amid grace, and beauty, with cramps and discoloration.
and pomp, sun shining - hats waving   In its rapid form cholera is not to
15                                   v




3n38                  d-JACK OF ALL TRADES.
be told from quick poison, and hence   Michelet was the predecessor of
sprung up among the lower order in Van Amburgh and Calter, and did
Paris a notion that wholesale poison- everything they do a dozen years being was on foot.                   fore they were ever heard of; used to
Pippin and I were standing at the go into the lions' den, pull them about,
door of a wine-shop, waiting for our and put his head down their throats,
change. His wild appearance attract- and their paws round his neck, etc.,
ed first one and then another. Little etc.
knots of people collected and eyed us;   I observed this man, and learned
then they began to talk and murmur, something from  him. Besides that
and cast suspicious glances.  " Come general quickness and decision which
away," said Pippin, rather hastily. is necessary with wild animals, I noWe walked off; they walked after us, ticed that he was always on the lookincreasing like a snowball, and they  out for mischief, and always punished
murmured louder and louder. I asked it before it came. Another point, he alPippin what the fools were gabbling   ways attacked the offending part, and
about. He told me they suspected us so met the evil in front; for instance,
of being the poisoners.  At this I if one of his darlings curled a lip and
turned round, and, being five feet showed a tooth, he hit him over the
four, and English, was for punching  mouth that moment and nowhere else;
some of their heads; but the athletic, if one elongated a claw, he hit him
pacific Italian would not hear of it, over the foot like lightning. He read
much less co-operate; and now they the whole crew as I had learned to
surrounded us just at the corner of read Djek, and conquered their malice
one of the bridges, lashing themselves by means of that marvellous cowardice
into a fury, and looking first at us, which they all show if they can see
and then at the river below.  Pip- no signs of it in you.
pin was as white as death, and I   There are no two ways with wild
thought it was all up myself, when by beasts. If there is a single white spot
good luck a troop of mounted gen- in your heart, leave them, for your
darrmes issued from the palace. Pip- life will be in danger every mopin hailed them; they came up, and, ment. If you can despise them, and
after hearing both sides, took us under keep the rod always in sight, they are
their protection, and off we marched your humble servants; nobody more
between two files of cavalry, followed so.
by the curses ofa superficial populace.   Our exhibition, successful at first,
Extremes don't do. Pippin was the began to flag; so that the fertile brain
color of ink, Elliot of paper; both of M. Hluguet had to work. I-e protheir mugs fell under suspicion, and posed to his partner to stand a tiger,
nearly brought us to grief.        and he would stand a bull, and " we
Franconi closed, and Djek, Huguet, will have a joint-stock fight like the
and Co. started on a provincial tour.  King of Oude."  Michelet had his
They associated themselves on this misgivings, but Hluguet overruled
occasion with Michelet, who had some him. That ingenious gentleman then
small wild animals, such as lions, ti- printed bills advertising for a certain
gers, and leopards.                day a fight between a real Bengal tiOur first move was to Versailles. ger and a ferocious bull that had just
Here we built a show-place and exhib- gored a man to death. This done, he
ited Djek, not as an actress, but as a sent me round the villages to find and
private elephant, in which capacity hire a bull. "Mind you get a mild
she did the usual elephant business, one, or I shall have to pay for a hole
besides a trick or two that most of in the tiger's leather."  I found one
them  have not brains enough for, which the owner consented to risk for
whereof anon.                      so much money down, and the dam



JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        339
age he should sustain from tiger to be but would not venture out. When
valued independently by two farmers this had lasted a long time, the specafter the battle.                  tators began to doubt his ferocity, and
The morning of the fight Pippin to goose the ferocious animal.  So I
and I went for our bull, and took got a red-hot iron and nagged him
him out of the yard towards Versailles; behind. He gave a yell of dismay,
but when we had gone about two and went into the arena like a shot.
hundred yards, he became uneasy, He took no notice of the bull. All
looked round, sniffed about, and final- he thought of was escape from the
ly turned round spite of all our efforts, horrors that surrounded him. Winged
and paced home again. We remon- by terror, he gave  a  tremendous
strated with the proprietor.  "0," spring, and landed his fore paws on
said he, "I forgot; he won't start the boxes, stuck fast, and glared in
without the wench."  So the wench at the spectators.  They rushed out
in question was sent for (his com- yelling. He dug his hind claws into
panion upon  amatory excursions). the wood-work, and by slow and painShe went with us, and launched us ful degrees clambered into the boxes.
toward Versailles. This done, she When he got in, the young and actreturned home, and we marched on; ive were gone home, and he ran down
but before we had gone a furlong the stairs among the old people that
Taurus showed symptoms of uneasi- could not get clear so quick as the
ness; these increased, and at last he rest. He was so frightened at the peoturned round and walked tranquilly ple that he skulked and hid himself
home. We hung upon him, thrashed in a cornfield, and the people were so
him, and bullied him, all to no pur- frightened at him that they ran home
pose. His countenance was placid, and locked their street doors. So one
but his soul resolved, and - he walked coward made many.
home, slowly, but inevitably; so then,   They thought the poor wretch had
there was nothing for it but to let him  attacked them, and the journal next
have the wench all the way to the day maintained this view of the transtiger, and she would not go to Ver- action, and the town to this day besailles till she had put on some new  lieves it. We netted our striped cowfinery, - short waist, coal-scuttle bon- ard with four shutters, and kicked
net, etc. More time lost with that; him into his cage.
and, when we did arrive in the arena,   The bull went home with "the
the spectators were tired of waiting. wench," and to this day his thick
The bull stood in the middle, con- skull has never comprehended what
fused and stupid. The tiger was in the deuce he went to Versailles for.
his cage in a corner; we gave him    This was how we competed with
time to observe his prey, and then we Oriental monarchs.
opened the door of his cage.         We marched southward, through
A shiver ran through the audience Orleans, Tours, etc., to Bordeaux, and
(they were all seated in boxes looking were pretty well received in all these
down on the area).                 places except at one small place whose
A  moment more, and the furious name I forget. Here they hissed her
animal would spring upon his victim, out of the town at sight. It turned
and his fangs and claws sink deep out she had been there before and
into its neck, etc., etc.  Vide books pulverized a brushmaker, a popular
of travels.                        man among them.
One moment succeeded to another,  -Soon after Bordeaux she had words
and nothing occurred. The ferocious with the lions. They, in their inferanimal lay quiet in his cage, and nal conceit, thought themselves more
showed no sign; so then we poked attractive than Djek. It is vice verthe ferocious animal.   He snarled, sa, and by a long chalk, said Djek




340                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
and Co. The parties growled a bit,   We were some miles from  any
then parted to meet no more in this town or village, and did not know
world.                             what to do, and how to take him to a,
From  Bordeaux we returned by resting-place. At last we were obliged
another route to Paris; for we were to tie the body across the proboscis,
only starring it in the interval of our and cover it as well as we could, and
engagement as an actress with Fran- so we made his murderess carry him
coni. We started one morning from  to the little town of La Palice, - yes,
--    with light hearts, our faces turned La Palice. Here we stopped, and a
toward the gay city, Elliot, Pippin, sort of inquest was held, and M. Huand I. Elliot and I walked by the side guet attended and told the old story:
of the elephant, Pippin walking some said the man had been cruel to her,
forty yards in the rear. He never trust- and she had put up with it as long as
ed himself nearer to her on a march.  she could.  Verdict, "Served him
We were plodding along in this right"; and.so we lied over our poor
order, when, allin a moment, without friend's murdered body, and buried
reason or warning of any sort, she him with many sighs in the little
spun round between us on one heel churchyard of La Palice, and then
like a thing turning on a pivot, and trudged on, sad and downcast, toward
strode back like lightning at Pippin. the gay capital.
He screamed and ran; but, before he
could take a dozen steps, she was
upon him, and struck him down with
her trunk and trampled upon him;            CHAPTER  XI.
she then wheeled round and trudged
back as if she had merely stopped to   I THINK a lesson is to be learned
brush off a fly or pick up a stone. from this sad story. Too much fear
After the first moment of stupefaction, is not prudence. Had poor Pippin
both Elliot and I had run after her walked with Elliot and me alongside
with all the speed we had; but so the elephant, she dared not have atrapid was her movement, and so in- tacked him.  But through fear he
stantaneous the work of death, that kept forty yards in the rear, and she
we only met her on her return from  saw a chance to get him by himself;
her victim. I will not shock the read- and, from my knowledge of her, I
er by describing the state in which we have little doubt she had meditated
found our poor comrade; but he was this attempt for months before she
crushed to death. He never spoke, carried it out. Poor Pippin!
and I believe and trust he never felt   W~e arrived in Paris to play with
anything for the few minutes that Franconi. Now it happened to be
breath lingered in his body. We inconvenient to Franconi to fulfil his
kneeled down and raised him, and engagement. He accordingly declined
spoke to him, but he could not hear us. M. Huguet was angry, - threatus. When Djek got her will of one ened legal proceedings. Franconi anof us, all our hope used to be to see the swered, " Where is Pippin  " Hugnet
man die; andso it. waswithpoordear shut up.  Then Franconi followed
Pippin; mangled, and life impossible, suit; if hard pressed, he threatened
we kneeled down and prayed to God to declare in open court that it was
for his death; and, by Heaven's mer- out of humanity alone he declined to
cy, I think in about four minutes from  fulfil his engagement.  This stopped
the time he got his death-blow  his M. Huguet's mouth altogether. He
spirit passed away, and our well-be- took a place on the Boulevard, and
loved comrade and friend was noth- we showed her and her tricks at three
ing now but a lump of clay on our prices, and did a rattling business.
hands.                             Before we had been a fortnight in




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        3 1
Paris, old Tom  Elliot died at the I deeply meditative ones that occur but
Hospital Dubois, and I became her rarely, and only bring out a word
vizier at a salary of one hundred francs every half-hour; so mademoiselle and
per week.                          I had a chat, which I found so agreeHaving now the sole responsibility, able that I rather neglected the genI watched her as you would a powder- eral public for her. I made it my
magazine lighted by gas. I let no- business to learn where she aired the
body but M. Huguet go near her in children, and, one vacant morning,
my absence. This gentleman contin- dressed in the top of the fashion, I
ued to keep her sweet on him with stood before her in the garden of the
lumps of sugar, and to act as her Tuileries.  She gave a half-start and
showman when she exhibited public- a blush, and seemed very much struck
ly.                                with astonishment at this rencounter.
One day we had a message from  She was a little less astonished next
the Tuileries, and we got the place week when the same thing happened,
extra clean; and the king's children  but still she thought these coincidenpaid her a visit, - a lot of little chaps. ces remarkable, and said so. In short,
I did not know their names, but I I paid my addresses to Mademoiselle
suppose it was Prince Joinville, Au-. She was a charming brunette
male, and cetera. All I know is that from Geneva, greatly my superior in
while these little Louis Philippes were education and station. I was perfectly
coaxing her, and feeding her, and cut- conscious of this, and instantly made
ting about her, and sliding down her, this calculation: "All the better for
and I was telling them she was a duck, me if I can win her." But the reader
the perspiration was running down knows my character by this time, and
my back one moment and cold shiv- must have observed how large a porers the next, and I thanked Heaven tion of it effrontery forms. I wrote
devoutly when the young gents went to her every day, sometimes in the
back to their papa and mamma, and no French language -- no, not in the
bones broken. The young gentlemen French language, in French words.
reported her affability and my lies to She sometimes answered in English
the king, and he engaged her to per- words. She was very pretty and very
form gratis in the Champs Elysees interesting, and I fancied her. When
during the three days' fete. Fifteen a man is in love he can hardly see difhundred francs for this.           ficulties. I pressed her to marry me,
But Huguet was penny-wise and and I believed she would consent.
pound-foolish to agree, for it took her When I came to this point the young
gloss off. Showedc her gratis to half lady's gayety declined, and when I
the city.                          was painting her pictures of our conAmong Djek's visitors came one jugal happiness, she used to sigh inday a pretty young lady, a nursery stead of brightening at the picture.
governess to some nobleman's chil- At last I pressed her so hard that she
dren, whose name I forget, but he consented to write to Geneva and ask
was English.  The children were her parents' consent to our union.
highly amused with Djek, and quite When the letter went I was in towerloath to go. The young lady, who had ing spirits. I was now in the zenith
a smattering of English as I had of of my prosperity. The risks I had
French, put several questions to me. run with Djek were rewarded by a
I answered them  more polite than heavy salary and the post of honor
usual on account of her being pretty, near her, and, now that I was a little
and I used a privilege I had and gave weary of roaming the world alone
her an order for free admission some with an elephant, fate had thrown in
other dav. She came, with only one my way a charming companion who
child, which luckily was one of those would cheer the weary road.




342                   JACK  OF ALL TBADES,
Dreams.                           gentlefolks, even a poor mechanic can
The old people at Geneva saw my feel like this when the desire of his
position with another eye. "He is a heart is balked forever.
servant liable to lose his place at any    Trudge! trudge! trudge! for ever
moment by any one of a hundred ac- and ever.
cidents, and his profession is a discred-   Tramp! tramp r tramp! for ever
itable one: why, he is a showman."  and ever.
They told her all this in language    A man gets faint and weary of it at
so plain that she would never show  last, and there comes a time when he
me the letter. I was for defying their pines for a hearth-stone, and a voice
advice and authority, but she would he can believe, a part, at least, of
not hear of it. I was forced to tem- what it says, and a Sunday of some
porize. " In a month's time," said I sort now and then; and my time was
to myself, "her scruples will melt come to long for these things, and for
away."  But in less than a fortnight a pretty and honest face about me to
the order came for us to march into  stand for the one bit of peace and the
Flanders. I communicated this cruel one bit of truth in my vagabond charorder to my sweetheart.  She turned  latan life.
pale, and made no sceret of her at-   I lost my appetite and sleep, and
tachment to me, and of the pain she was very nearly losing heart altogethfelt at parting. Every evening before er. Mlly clothes hung about me like
we left Paris I saw her, and implored  bags, I got so thin. It was my inferher to trust herself to me and leave hal occupation that cured me after
Paris as my wife. She used to smile all. Djek gave me no time even for
at my pictures of wedded happiness, despair.  The moment I became her
and cry the next minute because she sole guardian I had sworn on my
dared not give herself and me'that knees she should never kill another
happiness; but, with all this, she was man; judge whether I had to look
firln, and would not fly in her parents' sharp after her to keel) the biped from
face.                               peIjury and the quadruped from murAt last came a sad and bitter hour:. der. I slept with her - rose earlyhat in hand, as the saying is, I made fed her - walked twenty miles with
a last desperate endeavor to persuade her, or exhibited her all day, someher to be mine, and not to let this times did both, and at night rolled
parting take place at all. She was into the straw beside her, too deadly
much agitated, but firm; and, the tired to feel all my unhappiness; and
more I said, the firmer she became. so, after a while, time and toil blunted
So at lastlgrewfiantic and reproached  my sense of disappointment, and I
her. I called her a cold-hearted co- trudged, and tramped, and praised
quette, and we parted in anger and de- Djek's moral qualities in the old ronspair.                              tine. Only now and then, when I
Away into the wide world again, saw the country lads in France and
not as I used to start on these pil- Belgium going to church dressed in
grimages, with a stout heart and iron  their best with their sweethearts, and
nerves, but cold, and weary, and worn I in prison in the stable with my fourout before the journey had begun. As legged  hussy, waiting perhaps till
we left Paris behind us I had but one dark to steal out and march to some
feeling, that the best of life was at an fresh town, I used to feel as heavy as
end for me. My limbs took me along lead and as bitter as wormwood, and
like machinery, but my heart was a wish we were all dead together by way
lump of ice inside me, and I would of a change.
have thanked any man for knocking   A  man needs a stout heart to go
me on the head and ending the mo- through the world at all, but most of
notonous farce of my existence; ay, all he needs it for a roving life; don't




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                         343
you believe any other, no matter who  She hid that in the corner the motells you.                          ment she saw blood in my eye.
With this brief notice of my feel-   We got poor M. Huguet to bed,
ings I pass over two months' travel. and a doctor from  the hospital to
All through I spare the reader much, him, and a sorrowful time he had of
though I dare say he does n't see it.  it; and so, after standing good for
Sir, the very names of the places I twelve years, lump sugar fell to the
have visited would fill an old-fash- ground.  Pitchfork held good.
ioned map of Europe.                  At night more than a hundred peoTalk of Ulysses and his travels! ple came to see whether I was really
he never saw the tenth part of what so hardy as to sleep with this feroI have gone through.                cious animal.  To show  them  my
I have walked with Djek farther sense of her, I lay down between her
than round  the world  during the legs. On this she lifted her fore feet
eleven years I have trudged beside singly, and with the utmost care and
her; it is only 24,000 miles round the delicacy drew  them  back over my
world.                              body.
After a year's pilgrimage we found    As soon as M. Huguet's arm was
ourselves at Doncheray, near Sedan.  set and doing well, he followed us
Here we had an incident.  Mons. (we had got into  France  by this
Huguet was showing her to the pub- time), and came in along with the
lic with the air of a prince and in his public to admire us, and, to learn
Mardtchal of France costume, glitter- how the elephant stood affected toing with his theatrical cross of the ward him now, he cried out, in his
Legion of Honor. He was not par- most ingratiating way, — in sugared
ticular what he put on, so that it tones, -"Djek, my boy! Djek! "
shone and looked well.  He sent me At this sound l)jek raised a roar of
for something connected with the per- the most infernal rage, and Ifuguet,
formance, —a pistol, I think. I had who knew  her real character well
hardly ten steps to go, but during the enough, though he pretended not to,
time. I was out of her sight I heard a comprehended that her heart was now
man cry out and the elephant snort. set upon his extinction, lnalgir twelve
I ran back hallooing as I came. As years of lump sugar.
I ran in I found the elephant feeling    He sent for me, and with many
for something in the straw with her expressions of friendship offered me
foot, and the people rushing out of the invaluable animal for thirty thouthe doors in dismay. Tile moment sand fiancs. I declined her without
she saw me she affected innocence, thanks. "Then I shall have the pleasbut trembled from head to foot. I ure of killing her to-morrow," said
drew out from the straw a thing you  the Frenchman, "and what will bewould have taken for a scarecrow or come of your salary, mon pauvre
a bundle of rags  It was my master, garlon?"
M. Huguet, his glossy hat battered,   In short, he had me in a fix, and
his glossy coat stained and torn, and used his power. I bought her of him
his arm broken in two places; a mo- for 20,000 francs, to be paid by inment more and her foot would have stalments.  I gave  him  the first
been on him, and his soul crushed instalment, a five-franc  piece, and
out of his body.                    walked out of the wine-shop her sole
The people were surprised when proprietor.
they saw the furious snorting monster   The sense of property is pleasant,
creep into a corner to escape a little even when we have not paid for the
fellow five feet four, who got to the article.
old weapon, pitchfork, and drove it   That night I formed my plans.
into every part of her but her head. There was no time to lose, because I




34 4                  JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
had only a thousand francs in the saw such a thing in their lives, and
world, and she ate a thousand francs never will again.
a week, or nearly. I determined to   In fact, at one or two small places
try Germany, - a poor country, but we were stopped by the authorities,
one which, being quite inland, could who had heard that we carried more
not have become callous to an ele- specie out of little towns than the
phant, perhaps had never seen one. circulating medium would bear.
I shall never forget the fine, clear   In short, my first coup was successmorning I started on my own ac- ful.  After six months' Germanlly,
count. The sun was just rising, the Bavaria, Prussia, etc., I returned to
birds were tuning, and all manner of the Rhine at Strasbourg with eight
sweet smells came from the fields and thousand francs. During all this time
the hedges. Djek seemed to step out she never hurt a soul, I watched her
more majestically than when she was so fearfully close. So, being debarred
another man's; my heart beat high. from murder, she tried arson.
Eleven years ago I had started the    At a place in Bavaria her shed was
meanest of her slaves. I had worked  suddenly observed to be in flames,
slowly, painfully, but steadily up, and  and we saved her with difficulty.
now I was actually her lord and mas-   The cause never transpired until
ter, and half the world before me with  now, but I saw directly how it had
the sun shining on it.              been done.  I had unwarily left my
The first town I showed, her at as coat in her way.  The pockets were
mine was Verdun, and the next day I found emptied of all their contents,
wrote to Mademoiselle —   at Paris among which was a lucifer-box, frngto tell her of the change in my for- ments of which I found among the
tunes.  This was the only letter I straw.  She had played with this in
had sent, for we parted bad friends.  her trunk, hammering it backward
I received a kinder answer than the and forward against her knee, dropabrupt tone of my letter deserved. ping the lighted  matches into the
She congratulated mne, and thanked  straw, when they stung her, and very
me for remembering that whatever nearly roasted her own beef, the misgood fortune befell me must give her chievous, uneasy devil.
particular pleasure, and in the post-  MIy readers will not travel with an
script she told me she was just about elephant, but business of some sort
to leave Paris and return to her par- will fall to the lot of some of them
ents in Switzerland.                soon or late, and, as charlatanry is the
Djek crossed into Prussia, tramped  very soul of modern business, it may
that country, and penetrated into the not be amiss to show how the humble
heart of Germany. As I had hoped, artisan worked his elephant.
she descended on this nation with all   We never allowed ourselves to drop
the charm of novelty, and used to  casually upon any place, like a shower
clear the copper * out of a whole vil- of rain.
lage. I remember early in this trip    A man in bright livery, green and
being at a country inn.  I saw runs- gold, mounted  on a showy horse,
tics, male and female, dressed in their used to ride into the town or village,
Sunday clothes, coming over the hills and go round to all the inns, making
from  every side  to one point.  I loud inquiries about their means of
thought there must be a fair or some- accommodation for the elephant and
thing.  I asked the landlord what her train. Four hours after him, the
they were all coming for. He said, people being now a little agog, anoth" Why, you, to be sure." They never er green and gold man came in on a
* Germany is mostly made of copper. A  trained horse, and inquired for No. 1.
bucketful of farthings was a common thing As soon as he had found him, the two
for me to have in my carriage.      rode together round the town, - No.




JACK  OF ALL TRADES.                          3 45
2 blowing a trumpet and proclaiming  en affection, et qui, depuis onze ans
the elephant; the nations she had in- qu'il le possede, ne s'estjamais demenstructed in the wonders of nature; ti, se plait i edcouter son maitre et exthe kings she had amused; her gran- deute avec punctualitd tout cc qu'il
deur, her intelligence, and, above all, lui indique de faire.
her dovelike disposition.               Mlle. Djek, qui est dans toute la
This was allowed to ferment for force de sa taille, a maintenant cent
some hours, and, when expectation  vingt-cinq ans; elle a onze pieds cde
was at its height, the rest of the cav- hauteur -et pese neuf mille livres.
alcade used to heave in sight, Djek    Sa consommation dans les vingtbringing up the rear.  Arrived, I quatre heures excede deux cent livres
used to shut her in out of sight, and — quarante livres de pain pour son
send all my men and horses round, ddjefiner; h midi, du son et de l'aparading, trumpeting, and  pasting  voine; le soir, des pommes de terre
bills, so that at last the people were on du rizcuit: et la nuit du foin et de
quite ripe for her, and then we went la paille.
to work; and thus the humble arti-    C'est le meme dlephant qui a comsan and his elephant cut a greater battu la lionne de M. Martin.  Cette
dash  than  lions, and  tigers, and lionne en furie, qu'une imprudence fit
mountebanks, and quacks, and drew  sortir de sa cage, s'dlance sur M. H. B.
more money.                           Lott qui se trouvait auprbs de son ledHere is one of my programmes: phant; voyant le danger il se rdfugie
only I must remark that I picked up  derriere une des jambes de ce bon
my French where I picked up the sin- animal, qui releve sa trompe pour le
cerity it embodies, in the circuses, protdger.*   La lionne allait saisir
coulisses, and  cabarets of:French M. H. B. Lott; l'edlphant la voit, ratowns, so that I can patter French as bat sa trompe, l'enveloppe, l'dtouffe,
fast as you like; but, of course, I la jette au loin, et l'aurait dcrasee, si
know no more about it than a pig,    son maitre ne lui cut dit de ne pas
not to really know it.                continuer.
Par permission de M. le Maire,       Elle a ensuite allonge sa trompe,
Le grand                frappd  du pied, criant et  temoiELEPHIANT                  gnant la satisfaction, qu'elle dprouvait
du  oi d  Siam,  d'avoir sauv6 son ami d'une mort cerDu Cirque Olympiqne  Franconi.   taine, comme on a pu voir dans les
Mile. Djek,              journaux en fdvrier 1832.
Eldphant colossal, de onze pieds de
hauteur et du poids de neuf mille    Dans les cours des sdances, on lui
liv., est le plus grand de'lphant qui fera faire tons ses grands exercices
l'on ait vu en, Europe.             qui sont dignes d'admiration, dont le
grand nombre ne permet pas d'en
M. H. B. Lott, naturaliste, pour- donner l'analyse dans cette affiche, et
voyeur des menageries des diverses qu'il faut voir pour F'en faire une
conrs d'Europe, actionnaire du Cirquo idde juste.
Olympique et propridtaire de ce mag-   Prix d'entre'c: Premieres
nifique edlphant, qu'il a dressd au  Secondes        Les militaires et les
point de le prdsenter au public dans enfants, moitid.
une piece thdatrale qui fut crdde pour
Madlle. Djek il y a trois ans et demi,   I don't think but what my countryet qui a eu un si grand succes, sous le men will understand every word of
nom de l'Eldphant du Roi de Siam.   the above; but, as there are a great
Le propridtaire, dans son voyage   * I am a dull fellow now, as you see. But
antour du monde, eut occasion d'ache- you must allow I have been a man of imagiter cet dnorme quadrupede, qui le prit nation.
15




34r6                   JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
number of Frenchmen  in  London    This is the same elephant that fought
who will read this, I think it would with Mr. Martin's lioness.  The lionlook unkind not to translate it into  ess, whom  the carelessness of the atEnglish for their benefit.            tendants allowed to escape from  her
cage, dashed furiously at Mr. H. B.
By permission of the Worshipful the Lott; fortunately he was near his elcMayor,                 phant, and, seeing the danger, took
the great               refuge behind one of the legs of that
ELEPHANT                   valuable  animal.  She  raised  her
of the King of Siam,          trunk in her master's defence.  The
from Franconi's Olympic Circus.   lioness made to seize him; but the
Mademoiselle Djek,           elephant lowered  her trunk, seized
Colossal Elephant, eleven feet high  the lioness, choked her, flung her a
and weighs nine thousand pounds. distance, and would have crushed her
The largest elephant ever seen in  to death if Mr. Lott had not comEurope.                            manded her to desist. After that she
extended her trunk, stamped with her
Mr. H. B. Lott, naturalist, who foot, trumpeting and showing her satsupplies the menageries of the various isfaction at having saved her friend
courts of Europe, shareholder in the from  certain death, full accounts of
Olympic  Circus, and proprietor of which are to be seen in the journals
this magnificent elephant, which he of February, 1832.
has trained to such a height that he    In the course of the exhibition she
will present her to the public in a dra- will go through all her exercises,
matic piece which was written for her which are wonderful, and so numerthree years and a half ago, and had ous that it is impossible to enumerate
a great success under the title of the them in this bill: they must be seen
Elephant of the King of Siam.*       to form a just idea of them.
The proprietor, in his voyage round    Prices: First places    Second
the globe, was fortunate enough to  Soldiers and children half price.
purchase this enormous quadruped,
which became attached to him, and    Djek and I used to make our bow
has been eleven years in his posses- to our audiences in the following fashsion, during whicih time she has never ion. I came on with her, and said,
once forgotten herself, and executes "Otez mon chapeau pour saluer";
with obedient zeal whatever he bids then she used to take off my hat, wave
her.                                 it gracefully, and replace it on my
Mlle. Djek has now arrived at her head.  She then proceeded to pick up
full growth, being one hundred and  twenty five-franc pieces, one after antwenty-five years of age; she is eleven  other, and keep them piled in the exfeet high, and weighs nine thousand  tremity of her trunk.  She also fired
pounds.  Her daily consumption ex- pistols, and swept her den with a
ceeds two hundred pounds. She takes broom, in a most painstaking and luforty pounds of bread for her break- dicrous way.
fast, at noon barley and oats, in the    But perhaps her best business in a
evening potatoes or rice cooked, and  real judge's eye was drinking a bottle
at night hay and straw.               of wine. The reader will better esti* Ay literary gent and me nearly had mate this feat if he will fancy himself
words over this bit. " Why, it is all nomina- an elephant, and lay down the book
tive case," says he. "Well," says I, "you now, and ask himself how he would do
can't have too much of a good thing. Can it, and read the following afterward.
you better it? "' says I. " Better it!" says   The bottle (cork drawn) stood behe; " why, I could not have come within a
mile of it"; and he grinned. So I shut him  fore her.  She placed the finger and
up - for once.                       thumb of her proboscis on the mouth,




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        347
made a vacuum by suction, and then, nothing better than snuffing under the
suddenly inverting the bottle, she re- door.
ceived the contents in her trunk. The   At one place, being under a granadifficulty now was to hold the bottle, ry, she worked a hole in the ceiling no
which she would not have broken for bigger than a thimble, and sucked
a thousand pounds (my lady thought down sackfuls of grain before she was
less of killing ten men than breaking found out. Talk of the half-reasoning
a saucer), and yet not let the liquor elephant: she seldom met a man that
run from her flesh-pipe. She rapidly could match her in reasoning, - to a
shifted her hold to the centre of the bad end. Her weak points were her
bottle, and worked it by means of the cruelty and cowardice, and by this latwrinkles in her proboscis to the bend ter Tom Elliot and I governed her
of it. Then she griped it, and at the with a rod of iron, vulgarly called a
same time curled round her trunk to pitchfork. If a mouse pattered about
a sloping position, and let the wine the floor in her stable, Djek used to
run down her throat. This done, she tremble all over, and whine with terresumed the first position of her trunk  ror till the little monster was gone.
and worked the bottle back toward  A ton shaken by an ounce.
her finger, suddenly snapped hold of   I have seen her start back in dismay
it by the neck, and handed it grace- from a small feather floating in tlhe
fully to me.                       air. If her heart had been as stout as
With this exception, it was not her her will to do mischief was strong,
public tricks that astonished me most. mankind must have risen to put her
The principle of all these tricks is one. down.
An animal is taught to lay hold of   Almost all you have ever heard
things at command, and to shift them  about the full-grown elephant's charfrom one place to another. Youvary  acter is a pack of falsities. They are
the thing to be: laid hold of, but the your servants by fear, or they are your
act is the same. In her drama, which masters. Two years ago an elephant
was so effective on the stage, Djek did killed his keeper at Liveipool or Mannothing out of the way. She merely chester, I forget which. Out came
went through certain mechanical acts the "Times ": he had pronged himl
at a word of command from her keep- six weeks before. How well I knew
er, who was unseen or unnoticed; i. e. the old lie; it seldom varies a syllable.
he was either at the wing in his fustian That man died, not because he had
jacket, or on the stage with her in gim- pronged the animal, but because lie
crack and gold, as one of a lot of slaves had n't, or not enough.
or courtiers, or what not. Between   Spare the pitchfork, spoil the elcourselves, a single trick I have several phant.
times caught her doing on her own ac-   There is another animal people miscount proved more for her intelligence construe just as bad, - the hyena.
than all these. She used to put her   Terrible fierce animal, the hyena,
eye to a keyhole. Ay, that she would, says Buffon and Co., and the world
and so watch for hours to see what echoes the chant.
devil's trick she could do with impu-   Fierce, are they? You get a score
nity, -she would see me out of the of them together in a yard, and you
way, and then go to work. Where shall see me walk into the lot with
there was no keyhole I have seen her nothing but a switch, and them try to
pick the knot out of a deal board, and get'between the brick and the mortar
squint through the little hole she had with the funk, - that is hlow fierce they
thus made.                         are; and they are not only cowardly,
A dog comes next to an elephant, but innocent, and affectionate into the
but he is not up to looking through a bar(gain, is the fierce hyena of Buffon
keyhole or a crack. He can think of and Co.; but, indeed, wild animals




348                   JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
are sadly misunderstood; it is pitia- ly, "this is a murrain, I think. In this
ble; and those that have the best country we do invent a new murrain
character deserve it less than those about every twenty years. We are
that have the worst.               about due now."  He spoke English,
In one German town I met with this one, -quite a fine gentleman.
something I should like to tell the One of the grooms put in, "I think
sporting gents, for I don't think there the water is poisoned."  "Any way,"
is many that ever fell in with such a says another, " Dick will die if we stay
thing. But it is an old saying that here."  So then they both pressed me
what does happen has happened before to leave the town. " You know, govand may again, so I tell this to put ernor, we can't afford to lose the
them  on their guard, especially in horses."  Now I was clearing tan
Germany. Well, it was a good town pounds a day in the place, and all exfor business, and we stayed several penses paid: so I looked blank. So
days; but before we had been there did the veterinary.  "I would n't go,"
many hours my horses turned queer. says he; "wait a day or two; then
Restless  they  were, and  uneasy. the disease will declare itself,. and
Sweated of their own accord. Stamped we shall know what we are doing."
eternally. One, in particular, began You see, gents, he did not relish my
to lose flesh. We examined the hay. taking a murrain out of his town; he
It seemed particularly good, and the was a veterinary. " Whatever it is,"
oats not amiss. Called the landlord in, says he, " you brought it with you."
and asked him if he could account for " Well, now," said I, "my opinion is
it. He stands looking at them; this I found it here. Did you notice anyone, called Dick, was all in a lather. thing  at the  last place, Nick "
"Well, I think I know now," said he; "No": the grooms both bore me out.
"they are bewitched. You see there'Oh!" says the vet., " you can't go
is an old woman in the next street by that: it had not declared itself."
that bewitches cattle, and she rides on Well, if you will believe me (I often
your horses' backs all night, you may laugh when I think of it), it was not
take your oath."  Then he tells us a two minutes after he said that that it
lot of stories, whose cow died after diddeclare itself. It was Sundaymorngiving this old wench a rough word, ing, and Nick had got a clean shirt on.
and how she had been often seen to go Nick was currying the very horse
across the meadows in the shape of a called Dick, when all of a sudden the
hare. " She has a spite against me, sleeve of his white shirt looked dirty.
the old sorceress," says he. "She " What now? " cries he, and comes
has been at them: you had better send to the light. " I do believe it is verfor the pastor."  " Go for the farrier, min," says he, " and if it is they are
Jem," says I. So we had in the far- eaten up with it."  "Vermin? What
rier. He sat on the bin and smoked vermin can that be?" said I; "have we
his pipe in dead silence, looking at invented a new vermin, too?"  They
them. " They seem a little fidgety," were no bigger than pins' points,says he, after about half an hour. So looked like dust on his shirt. "What
I turned him out of the stable. And I do you say, sir, - is it vermin? "
was in two minds about punching his "Not a doubt of it," says the vet.
head, I Was. "Send for the veteri- "These are poultry-lice, unless I am
nary surgeon, No. 1."  He  came. mistaken. Have you any hens any"They have got some disorder," says where near? "  Both  the  grooms
he, " that is plain; nostrils are clear, burst out, " Hens? why, there are full
too. Let me see them eat."  They a hundred up in the hav-loft."  So
took their food pretty well. Then he that was the murrain. The hens had
asked where we came from  last. I been tumbling in the hay; the hay
told him. " Well," said he, cheerful- came down to the rack all alive with




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                         349
their vermin; and the vermin were road; the beam was in half in the
eating the horses. We stopped that road. Most times one thing stands,
supply of hay; and what with curry- another goes; here it all went bodily
ing, and washing with a solut. the vet. on all sides like paper on a windy
gave us, we cured that murrain, -  day, and the people went fastest of all.
chicken-pox, if any. We had a little There was the yell of a multitude unscene at going away from this place. der our noses, then an empty street
Landlord had agreed to charge noth- under our eyes. We marched on calm,
ing for the use of stabling, we spent so majestical, and unruffled, beneath the
much in other ways with him. In  silent night.
spite of that, he put it down at the   Doors and bolts, indeed, to a lady
foot of the list. I would not pay. that had stepped through a brick wall
" You must."  "I won't."  " Then before that day, —an English brick
you sha' n't go till you do "; and with wall.
that he and his servants closed the
great gates. The yard was entered
by two great double doors like barn          CHAPTER  XII.
doors, secured outside by a stout beam.
So there he had us fast. It got wind,   FROM Strasbourg I determined to
and there was the whole population  go into Switzerland; above all, to
hooting outside, three thousand strong. Geneva.  I could not help it.  In
Then it was," Come, don't be a fool." due course of time and travel I ar"Don't you be a fool."            rived near Geneva, and sent forward
"Stand clear," said I to the man; my green and gold avant-couriers;
"we will alter our usual line of march but, alas! they returned with  the
this time; I'll take Djck from the doleful news that elephants were not
rear to the front."  So they all formed admitted into that ancient city. The
behind me and Djek, two carriages, last elephant that had been there had
and six horses, all in order.  "Now," done mischief, and, at the request of
said I, "landlord, you have had your its proprietor, Madlle. Garnier, a
joke, open the door, and let us part young lady whose conscience smote
friends; we have been with you a her, for she had another elephant that
week, you know, and you have had killed one or two people in Venice,
one profit out of us, and another out was publicly executed in the fortress.*
of the townsfolk we brought to your   Fortunately (as I then thought), I
bar. Open the door."                 had provided myself with testimonials
"Pay me my bill, and I'11 open," fiom  the mayor and governors of
says he. "If I turned away one trav- some score of towns through which
eller from  my stable for you I've we had passed. I produced these, and
turned away twenty."                made friends in the town, particularly
"A  bargain is a bargain.  Will with a Dr. Mayo. At last we were
you open before she knocks your door admitted. Djek was proved a dove
into toothpicks?"                  by such overpowering testimony. I
" Oh! I'll risk my door if you'11 had now paid M. Huguet six thousand
risk your beast. No, I won't open francs and found myself possessed of
till I am paid."                    five thousand more. Business was
" Once, will you open?"          very good in Geneva. Djek was very
"No."                             popular. Her intelligence and amia"Twice, will you open? Thrice? " bility became a by-word. I had but
"No."                             one bitter disappointment, though.
"Djek - Go!"
She walked lazily at the door, as if   * They gave this elephant an ounce of
prussic acid and an ounce of arsenic; neither
she did not see it. The moment she of these sedatives producing any effect, they
touched it both doors were in the fired a cannon-ball through her neck.




350                   JACK  OF ALL TRADES.
Madlle. -    never came to see us, and their poverty soon brought matters to
I was too sulky and too busy to hunt a climax.  They held a sort of mufor her. Besides, I said to myself, nicipal tribunal, and tried her for ale
" All the world can find me, and if attempt at homicide.  I got counsel to
she cared a button for me she would defend her, for I distrusted my own
come to light."  I tried to turn it off  temper and French.
with the old song,                     I can't remember half the fine things
" Now get ye gone, ye scornful dame *    he said, but there was one piece of
If you are proud, I'I1 be the same.  common sense I do remember. He
I make no doubt that I shall find  said: " The animal, I believe, is unAs pretty a girl unto my mind."  conscious of her great strength, and
Behold me now at the climax of has committed a fatal error rather
prosperity, dressed like a gentleman, than a crime; still, if you think she is
driving a pair of horses, proprietor of'liable to make such errors, let her die
a whole cavalcade and of an elephant, rather than kill men. But how do
and, after clearing all expenses, mak- you reconcile to your consciences to
ing at the rate of full ~ 600 per annum. punish her proprietor, to rob him of
There was a certain clergyman of the  his subsistence? He has committed
place used to visit us about every day, no crime, hle has been guilty of no
and bring her cakes and things to eat, want of caution. If, therefore, you
till he got quite fond of her, and be- take upon yourselves to punish the
lieved that she returned his affection. brute, be honest! buy her of the man
I used to beg him not to go so close first, and then assert your sublime
to her. On this, his answer was, office,- destroy an animal that has
" Why, you say she is harmless as a offended morality. But a city should
chicken "; so then I had no more to be above wronging or robbing an insay. Well, one unlucky day I turned  dividual."   When he sat down I
my back for a moment; before I thought my homicide was safe, for I
could get back there were the old knew Geneva could not afford to buy
sounds, a snort of rage, and a cry of an elephant without it was out of a
terror, and there was the poor minis- Noah's ark.
ter in her trunk. At sight of me she   But up gets an orator on the other
dropped him, but two of his ribs were side and attacked me; accused me of
broken, and he was quite insensible, false representations, of calling a deand the people rushed out in terror. mon a duck.  "We have certain inWe raised the. clergyman and carried  formation fromn France that this elehlim home, and in half an hour a mob phant has been always wounding and
was before the door, and stones as big  killing men up and down Europe
as your fists thrown in at the win- these twenty  years.   Mons. Lott
dows: this, however, was stopped by knew  this by universal report, and
the authorities. But the next day my by being an eye-witness of more than
lady was arrested and walked off to one man's destruction."  Here there
the fortress, and there confined. I was a sensation, I can tell you. "He
remonstrated, expostulated, in vain. has, therefore, forfeited all claims to
I had now to feed her and no return  consideration."  Then he thundered
from her: ruin stared me in the face. out: " Let no man claim to be wiser
So I went to law with the authorities. than Holy Writ; there we are told
Law is slow, and Djek was eating all that a lie is a crime of the very deepthe time. Ruin looked nearer still. est dye, and here we see how for years
The law ate my green and gold ser- falsehood has been murder."  Then I
vants and horses, and still Djek re- mind he took just the opposite line to
mained in quod.  Then I refused to'my defender. Says he: " If I hesitate
feed her any longer, and her expenses for a moment, it is not for the man's
fell upon the town. Her appetite and sake, but for the brute's; but I do not




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                       8351
hesitate. I could wish so majestic a cy. I answered they might shoot me
creature might be spared for our in- if they liked, but I would not be the
struction," says he, " that so wonder- one to destroy my own livelihood.
ful a specimen of the Creator's skill   So they had to watch their oppormight still walk the earth; but rea- tunity.
son, and justice, and humanity say   It was not long of coming.' No.' There is an animal far small-   She began to walk about, and preser, yet ten times more important, for ently the poor fool marched right up
he has a soul; and this, the king of to the cannon's mouth, and squinted
all the animals, is not safe while she down it. Then she turned, and at
lives; therefore she ought to die. last she crossed right before it. The
Weaker far than her in his individ- gunner'took the opportunity, applied
ual strength, he is a thousand times his linstock, and fired. There was a
stronger by combination and science, great tongue of flame, and a cloud of
- therefore she will die."         smoke, and through the smoke someWhen this infernal chatterbox shut thing as big as a house was seen to go
up, my heart sunk into my shoes. He down; the very earth trembled at the
was a prig, but an eloquent one, and shock.
he walked into Djek and me till we   The smoke cleared in a moment,
were not worth half an hour's pur- andtherelayDjek. Shenevermoved.
chase.                             The round shot went clean through
For all that, the council did not her body, and struck the opposite wall
come to a decision on the spot, and I with great force. It was wonderful
believe that if Djek had but been con- and sad to see so huge a creature
tent to kill the laity as heretofore, we robbed of her days in a moment by a
should have scraped through with a spark. There she lay, - poor Djek.
fine; but the fool must go and tear   In one moment I forgot all her
black cloth, and dig her own grave.   faults. She was an old companion of
Two days after the trial, out came mine in many a wet day and dreary
the sentence, - Death!            night. She was reputation to me, and
With that modesty and good feel- a clear six hundred a year; and then
ing which belongs to most foreign shewas so clever! We shallneversee
governments, they directed me to exe- her like again; and there she lay. I
cute their sentence.               mourned over her, right or wrong, and
My answer came in English. " I'11 have never been the same man since
see you d-d, and double d-d first, that shot was fired.
and then I won't."                   The butchery done, I was informed
Meantime Huguet was persecuting by the municipal authorities that the
poor heart-sick me for the remainder carcass was considered, upon the
of her purchase - money, and, what whole, to be my property. The next
with the delay, the expenses, and the moment I had two hundred applicaanxiety, I was so down and so at the tions for elephant steaks from  the
end of my wits and my patience, that pinch-gut natives, who, I believe,
her sentence fell on me like a blow on knew gravy by tradition and romances
a chap that is benumbed, - produced that had come all the way from Paris.
less effect upon me at the time than it Knives and scales went to work, and,
does when I think of it now.       with the tears running  down my
Vvell, - curse them! — one fine cheeks, I sold her beef at four sous
morning they ran a cannon up to the per pound for about ~ 40 sterling.
gate, loaded it and bade me call the   This done, all my occupation was
elephant, and bring her into a favora- gone. Geneva was no place for me,
ble position for being shot. I refused and as the worthy Huguet, whose life
point-blank  in  English as before. I had saved, threatened to arrest me,
They threatened me for my contuma- I determined to go back to England




352                   JACK OF ALL TRADES.
and handicraft. Two days after Djek's young man," says he; and he looked
death I was hanging sorrowfully over down.
the bridge, when some one drew near   That was enough for such an unto me and said, in a low voice, Mons. lucky one as me. I began to cry diLott. I had no need to look up. I rectly. "Don't ye take on," says he.
knew the voice; it was my lost sweet- " Old man-died happy. Come home
heart. She spoke very kindly, blushed, with me; my wife will tell you more
and welcomed me to her native coun- about it than I can."
try. She did more; she told me she   I was loath to go; but he persuadlived five miles from Geneva, and in- ed me. His wife told me the old genvited me to visit her mother. She tleman spoke of me to the last, and
took occasion to let me know that her had my letters read out, and boasted
father was dead: " My mother re- of my success.
fuses me nothing," she added, with    " Did n't I tell you he would rise  "
another blush. This was all like a he used to say; and then, it seems, he
dream to me. The next day I visited made much of some little presents I
her and her mother, and was cordially had sent him  from Paris, and them
received; in short, it was made clear such trifles compared with what I owed
to me that my misfortune had en- him: " Does n't forget old friends,
deared me to this gem of a girl in- now he is at the top of the tree "; and
stead of repelling her. An uncle, too, then burst out praising me, by all achad died, and left her three hundred counts.
pounds, and this made her bolder   So, then, it was a little bit of cormstill; and she did not conceal her re- fort to think he had died while I was
gard for me. She told me she had prosperous, and that my disappointseen me once in Geneva driving two ment had never reached his warm and
showy horses in a carriage, and look- feeling heart.
ing like a nobleman, and so had hesi-   A workman has little time to grieve
tated to claim the acquaintance; but outwardly; he must dry his eyes
hearing the elephant's execution, and  quickly, let his heart be ever so sad,
guessing that I could no longer be on or he'11 look queer when Saturday
thehigh-road to fortune, she had obeyed night comes. You can't make a workher heart, and been the first to remind manlike joint with the tear in your
me I had once esteemed her.        eye; one half the joiners can't do it
In short, a Pearl.               with their glasses on. And I was a
I made her a very bad return for so workman once more; I had to end as
much goodness. I went and married  I began.
her. We then compounded with Hu-   I returned to the violin trade, and,
guet for three thousand francs, and by a very keen attention to its myssailed for England to begin the world teries, I made progress, and, having a
again.                             foreign connection, I imported and
The moment I got to London, I sold to English dealers, as well as
made for the Seven Dials to see my made, varnished, and doctored violins.
friend Paley.                      But soon the trade, through foreign
On the way I met a mutual ac- competition, declined to a desperate
quaintance; told him where I was go- state. I did not despair, but, to eke
ing, - red-hot.                    out, I set my wife up in a china and
He shook his head and said noth- curiosity shop in Wardour Street, and
ing.                                worked at my own craft in the back
A chill came over me. If you had parlor. I had no sooner done this
stuck a knife in me I should n't have than the writers all made it their busibled. I gasped out some sort of in- ness to sneer at Wardour Street, and
quiry.                             now nobody dares buy in that street;
" Why, you know  he was not a so, since I began this tale, we have




JACK OF ALL TRADES.                        353
closed the shop, - it only wasted their reaped fortunes and reputations: retime, - they are much better out walk- sult in my case, a cannon-shot fired in
ing, and getting fresh air, at least, for adirty little village, calling itself a city,
their trouble. I attend sales, and nev- in a country that Yorkshire could eat
er lose a chance of turning a penny; up and spit out again, after all the
at home I make, and mend, and doc- great kingdoms and repubs. had adtor fiddles; I carve wood; I clean mired her and forgiven her her one
pictures and gild frames; I cut out defect - a tongue of fire — a puff of
fruit and flowers in leather; I teach smoke- and all the perils, labor,
ladies and gentlemen to gild at so courage, and perseverance of eleven
much a lesson; and by these and a years blown away like dust to the
score more of little petty arts I just four winds of Heaven.
keep the pot boiltrig.               I am  now  playing for a smaller
I am, as I have been all my life, so- stake; but I am now, as usual, playher, watchful, enterprising, energetic, ing my very best. I am bending all
and unlucky.                       my experience of work and trade, all
In early life I played for a great my sobriety, activity, energy, and care,
stake, - affluence.                all my cunning of eye and hand, to one
I think I may say I displayed in the end, - not to die in the workhouse.
service of Djek some of those qualities   Ladies and gentlemen, the workman
by which, unless books are false, men has said his say, and I hope the comhave won campaigns and battles, and pany have been amused.
THE ED.a
Cambridge: Electrotyped and Printed by Welch, Bigelow, & Co.