-/~~~~~ lift~~~i~: ~it I / - / THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. BY CHARLES DICKENS. WITH ORIGINAL ILLUSTRATIONS BY S. EYTINGE, JR. BOSTON: TICKNOR AND FIELDS. I867. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1867, by TICKNOR AND FIELDS, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. UNIVERSITY PRESS: WELCH, BIGELOW, & Co., CAMBRIDGE. PREFACE. I DO not find it easy to get sufficiently far away from this book, in the first sensations of having finished it, to refer to it with the composure which this formal heading would seem to require. My interest in it is so recent and strong, and my mind is so divided between pleasure and regret, -pleasure in the achievement of a long design, regret in the separation from many companions,- that I am in danger of wearying the reader whom I love with personal confidences and private emotions. Besides which, all that I could say of the story, to any purpose, I have endeavored to say in it. It would concern the reader little, perhaps, to know how sorrowfully the pen is laid down at the close of a two years' imaginative task; or how an author feels as if he were dismissing some portion of himself into the shadowy world, when a crowd of the creatures of his brain are going from him forever. Yet I have nothing else to tell; unless, indeed, I were to confess (which might be of less moment still), that no one can ever believe this narrative in the reading more than I have believed it in the writing. Instead of looking back, therefore, I will look forward. I cannot close this volume more agreeably to myself, than with a hopeful iv PREFA CE. glance towards the time when I shall again put forth my two green leaves once a month, and with a faithful remembrance of the genial sun and showers that have fallen on these leaves of David Copperfield, and made me happy. The foregoing remarks are what I originally wrote, under the head of PREFACE TO THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. I have nothing to add to them at this time. CONTENTS. CHAPTER PAGE I. I amborn......... II. I observe........... 7 III. I have a Change.......... 6 IV. I fall into Disgrace........ 24 V. I am sent away from Home.... 35 VI. I enlarge my Circle of Acquaintance... 46 VII. My " First Half" at Salem House..... 50 VIII. My Holidays. Especially one Happy Afternoon.. 60 IX.I have a Memorable Birthday... 69 X. I become neglected, and am provided for. 75 XI. I begin Life on my own Account, and don't like it. 87 XII. Liking Life on my own Account no better, I form a great Resolution 96 XIII. The Sequel of my Resolution..... o1 XIV. My Aunt makes up her Mind about me....3 XV. I make another Beginning........22 XVI. I am a New Boy in more Senses than One... 27 XVII. Somebody turns up.... 140 XVIII. A Retrospect.. I49 XIX. I look about me, and make a Discovery... 54 XX. Steerforth's Home..... 63 XXI. Little Em'ly.... 68 XXII. Some old Scenes, and some new People... 79 XXIII. I corroborate Mr. Dick, and choose a Profession.. 92 XXIV. My first Dissipation..... 200 XXV. Good and Bad Angels......25 XXVI. I fall into Captivity. 216 XXVII. Tommy Traddles........ 225 XXVIII. Mr. Micawber's Gauntlet.... 231 XXIX. I visit Steerforth at his Home, again...242 XXX. A Loss. 246 XXXI. A greater Loss....251 XXXII. The Beginning of a long Journey... 256 XXXIII. Blissful.... 267 XXXIV. My Aunt astonishes me.... 276 XXXV. Depression...........28i XXXVI. Enthusiasm..... 293 XXXVII. A little cold Water..... 302 XXXVIII. A Dissolution of Partnership.... 307 XXXIX. Wickfield and Heep.........317 XL. The Wanderer.. 328 XLI. Dora's Aunts.......333 XLII. Mischief.... 342 XLIII. Another Retrospect.....353 vi CONTENTS. CHAPTER PAGE XLIV. Our Housekeeping... 358 XLV. Mr. Dick fulfils my Aunt's Predictions...366 XLVI. Intelligence..... 375 XLVII. Martha..... 383 XLVIII. Domestic...389 XLIX. I am involved in Mystery........ 395 L. Mr. Peggotty's Dream comes true.. 402 LI. The Beginning of a longer Journey...408 LII. I assist at an Explosion...... 418 LIII. Another Retrospect.....431 LIV. Mr. Micawber's Transactions.. 434 LV. Tempest.....443 LVI. The New Wound, and the Old... 443 LVII. The Emigrants...... 453 LVI I I. Absence.... 459 LIX. Return............ 462 LX. Agnes...471 LXI. I am shown two Interesting Penitents..476 LXII. A Light shines on my Way...483 LXIII. A Visitor...... 488 LXIV. A last Retrospect..... 492 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. [Engraved under the superintendence of A. V. S. ANTHONY.] I. LITTLE EM'LY....... Frontispiece II. MR. AND MISS MURDSTONE AND MRS. COPPERFIELD Page 28 III. MR. PEGGOTTY, HAM, AND MRS. GUMMIDGE. 79 IV. PEGGOTTY AND BARKIS......83 V. MR. MICAWBER AND HIS FAMILY. 97 VI. DAVID'S BARGAIN.. 105 VII. MISS TROTWOOD AND MR. DICK.... 15 VIII. DR. AND MRS. STRONG AND THE OLD SOLDIER. 159 IX. STEERFORTH....... 179 X. MISS MOWCHER...... 85 XI: MRS. STEERFORTH AND ROSE DARTLE... 243 XII. MR. WICKFIELD AND AGNES..... 292 XIII. DORA AND MISS MILLS...... 306 XIV. MARTHA.......384 XV. URIAH HEEP AND HIS MOTHER. 425 XVI. TRADDLES AND THE GIRLS. 467 THE PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE OF DAVID COPPERFIELD THE YOUNGER. CHAPTER I. I was born with a caul, which was advertised for sale, in the newspapers, I AM BORN. at the low price of fifteen guineas. Whether sea-going people were short WHETHER I shall turn out to be the of money about that time, or were short hero of my own life, or whether that of faith and preferred cork-jackets, I station will be held by anybody else, don't know; all I know is, that there these pages must show. To begin my was but one solitary bidding, and that life with the beginning of my life, I was from an attorney connected with record that I was born (as I have been the bill-broking business, who offered informed and believe) on a Friday, at two pounds in cash, and the balance in twelve o'clock at night. It was re- sherry, but declined to be guaranteed marked that the clock began to strike, from drowning on any higher bargain. and I began to cry, simultaneously. Consequently the advertisement was In consideration of the day and hour withdrawn at a dead loss,- for as to of my birth, it was declared by the sherry, my poor dear mother's own nurse, and by some sage women in the sherry was in the market then, -and neighborhood who had taken a lively ten years afterwards the caul was put up interest in me several months before in a raffle down in our part of the counthere was any possibility of our becom- try, to fifty members at half a crown a ing personally acquainted, first, that I head, the winner to spend five shillings. was destined to be unlucky in life; and I was present myself, and I remember secondly, that I was privileged to see to have felt quite uncomfortable and ghosts and spirits; both these gifts in- confused, at a part of myself being disevitably attaching, as they believed, to posed of in that way. The caul was all unlucky infants, of either gender, won, I recollect, by an old lady with a born towards the small hours on a Fri- hand-basket, who, very reluctantly, proday night. duced from it the stipulated five shilI need say nothing here on the first lings, all in halfpence, and twopence head, because nothing can show better halfpenny short, - as it took an immense than my history whether that prediction time and a great waste of arithmetic to was verified or falsified by the result. endeavor without any effect to prove to On the second branch of the question I her. It is a fact which will be long rewill only remark, that, unless I ran membered as remarkable down there, through that part of my inheritance that she was never drowned, but died while I was still a baby, I have not triumphantly in bed, at ninety-two. I come into it yet. But I do not at all have understood that it was, to the last, complain of having been kept out of her proudest boast, that she never had this property; and if anybody else been on the water in her life, except upshould be in the present enjoyment of on a bridge; and that over her tea (to it, he is heartily welcome to keep it. which she was extremely partial) she, to I 2 PERSO.NAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE the last, expressed her indignation at family, he was once seen riding on an the impiety of mariners and others, who elephant, in company with a Baboon; had the presumption to go "meander- but I think it must have been a Baboo ing" about the world. It was in vain - or a Begum. Anyhow, from India to represent to her that some conven- tidings of his death reached home withiences, tea perhaps included, resulted in ten years. How they affected my from this objectionable practice. She aunt nobody knew; for immediately always returned, with greater emphasis upon the separation she took her and with an instinctive knowledge of maiden name again, bought a cottage the strength of her objection, "Let us in a hamlet on the sea-coast a long have no meandering." way off, established herself there as a Not to meander myself, at present, I single woman with one servant, and was will go back to my birth. understood to live secluded, ever afterI was born at Blunderstone, in Suf- wards, in an inflexible retirement. folk, or "thereby," as they say in Scot- My father had once been a favorite land. I was a posthumous child. My of hers, I believe; but she was mortally father's eyes had closed upon the light affronted by his marriage, on the ground of this world six months when mine that my mother was "a wax doll." opened on it. There is something She had never seen my mother, but strange to me, even now, in the reflec- she knew her to be not yet twenty. tion that he never saw me; and some- My father and Miss Betsey never met thing stranger yet in the shadowy re- again. He was double my mother's membrance that I have of my first child- age when he married, and of but a ish associations with his white grave- delicate constitution. He died a year stone in the churchyard, and of the in- afterwards, and, as I have said, six definable compassion I used to feel for months before I came into the world. it lying out alone there in the dark This was the state of matters on the night, when our little parlor was warm afternoon of, what I may be excused and bright with fire and candle, and for calling, that eventful and important the doors of our house were -almost Friday. I can make no claim therecruelly, it seemed to me sometimes- fore to have known, at that time, how bolted and locked against it. matters stood; or to have any rememAn aunt of my father's, and conse- brance, founded on the evidence of my quently a great-aunt of mine, of whom own senses, of what follows. I shall have more to relate by and by, My mother was sitting by the fire, was the principal magnate of our family. but poorly in health, and very low in Miss Trotwood, or Miss Betsey, as my spirits, looking at it through her tears, poor mother always called her, when and desponding heavily about herself she sufficiently overcame her dread of and the fatherless little stranger, who this formidable personage to mention was already welcomed by some grosses her at all (which was seldom), had of prophetic pins, in a drawer up stairs, been married to a husband younger to a world not at all excited on the than herself, who was very handsome, subject of his arrival; my mother, I except in the sense of the homely adage, say, was sitting by the fire, that bright, "handsome is that handsome does,"- windy March afternoon, very timid and for he was strongly suspected of having sad, and very doubtful of ever coming beaten Miss Betsey, and even of having alive out of the trial that was before once, on a disputed question of supplies, her, when, lifting her eyes as she dried made some hasty but determined ar- them to the window opposite, she saw rangements to throw her out of a two a strange lady coming up the garden. pair of stairs' window. These evidences My mother had a sure foreboding, at of an incompatibility of temper induced the second glance, that it was Miss Miss Betsey to pay him off, and effect Betsey. The setting sun was glowing a separation by mutual consent. He on the strange lady, over the garden went to India with his capital, and fence, and she came walking up to the there, according to a wild legend in our door with a fell rigidity of figure and OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 3 composure of countenance that could My mother couldn't help it notwithhave belonged to nobody else. standing, so she cried until she had When she reached the house, she had her cry out. gave another proof of her identity. My " Take off your cap, child," said Miss father had often hinted that she seldom Betsey, " and let me see you." conducted herself like any ordinary My mother was too much afraid of Christian; and now, instead of ringing her to refuse compliance with this odd the bell, she came and looked in at request, if she had any disposition to that identical window, pressing the end do so. Therefore she did as she was of her nose against the glass to that told, and did it with such nervous extent that my poor dear mother used hands that her hair (which was luxuto say it became perfectly flat and white riant and beautiful) fell all about her in a moment. face. She gave my mother such a turn, "Why, bless my heart!" exclaimed that I have always been convinced I Miss Betsey. "You are a very am indebted to Miss Betsey for having baby " been born on a Friday. My mother was, no doubt, unusually My mother had left her chair in her youthful in appearance even for her agitation, and gone behind it in the years. She hung her head, as if itwere corner. Miss Betsey, looking round her fault, poor thing! and said, sobthe room, slowly and inquiringly, began bing, that indeed she was afraid she was on the other side, and carried her eyes but a childish widow, and would be but on, like a Saracen's Head in a Dutch a childish mother if she lived. In a clock, until they reached my mother. short pause which ensued, she had a Then she made a frown and a gesture fancy that she felt Miss Betsey touch to my mother, like one who was accus- her hair, and that with no ungentle tomed to be obeyed, to come and open hand; but looking at her, in her timid the door. My mother went. hope, she found that lady sitting with "Mrs. David Copperfield, I think," the skirt of her dress tucked up, her said Miss Betsey, - the emphasis refer- hands folded on one knee, and her feet ring, perhaps, to my mother's mourn- upon the fender, frowning at the fire. ing weeds, and her condition. "In the name of heaven," said Miss "Yes," said my mother, faintly. Betsey, suddenly, "why Rookery?" "Miss Trotwood," said the visit- "Do you mean the house, ma'am?" or. " You have heard of her, I dare asked my mother. say?" "Why Rookery?" said Miss Betsey. My mother answered she had had "Cookery would have been more to that pleasure. And she had a dis- the purpose, if you had had any practiagreeable consciousnsss of not appear- cal ideas of life, either of you." ing to imply that it had been an over- "The name was Mr. Copperfield's powering pleasure. choice," returned my mother.." When "Now you see her," said Miss he bought the house, he liked to think Betsey. My mother bent her head, that there were rooks about it." and begged her to walk in. The evening wind made such a disThey went into the parlor my mother turbance just now, among some tall old had come from, the fire in the best elm-trees at the bottom of the garden, room on the other side of the passage that neither my mother nor Miss Betnot being lighted,-not having been sey could forbear glancing that way. lighted, indeed, since my father's fu- As the elms bent to one another, like neral; and when they were both seat- giants who were whispering secrets, ed, and Miss Betsey said nothing, my and after a few seconds of such repose mother, after vainly trying to restrain fell into a violent flurry, tossing their herself, began to cry. wild arms about, as if their late confi" 0, tut, tut, tut! " said Miss Betsey, dences were really too wicked for their in a hurry. "Don't do that! Come, peace of mind, some weather-beaten come! raggedold rooks'-nests- burdening their 4 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE higher branches, swung like wrecks "I don't know that it will be,a girl, upon a stormy sea. yet, ma'am," said my mother, inn: "Where are the birds?" asked Miss cently. Betsey." Bless the baby I" exclaimed Miss "The-?" My mother had been Betsey, unconsciously quoting the secthinking of something else. ond sentiment of the pincushion in "The rooks, —what has become of the drawer up stairs, but applying it them?" asked Miss Betsey. to my mother instead of me, "I don't "There have not been any since we mean that. I mean your servanthave lived here," said my mother. "We girl." thought-Mr. Copperfield thought- "Peggotty," said my mother. it was quite a large rookery; but the "Peggotty!" repeated Miss Betsey, nests were very old ones, and the birds with some indignation. "Do you mean have deserted them a long while." to say, child, that any human being has "David Copperfield all over!" cried gone into a Christian church, and got Miss Betsey. "David Copperfield herself named Pegotty?" from head to foot! Calls a house a "It's her surname," said my mother, rookery when there's not a rook near faintly. "Mr. Copperfield called her it, and takes the birds on trust, be- by it, because her Christian name was cause he sees the nests!" the same as mine." "Mr. Copperfield," returned my "Here, Peggotty!" cried Miss Betmother, "is dead, and if you dare to sey, opening the parlor door. "Tea. speak unkindly of him to me-" Your mistress is a ittle unwell. Don't My poor dear mother, I suppose, had dawdle." some momentary intention o commit- Having issued this mandate with as ting an assault and battery upon my much potentiality as if she had been a aunt, who could easily have settled her recognized authority in the house ever with one hand, even if my mother had since it had been a house, and having been in far better training for such an looked out to confront the amazed encounter than she was that evening. Peggotty coming along the passage But it passed with the action of rising with a candle at the sound of a strange from her chair; and she sat down again voice; Miss Betsey shut the door again, very meekly,' and fainted. and sat down as before, with her feet When she came to herself, or when on the fender, the skirt of her dress Miss Betsey had restored her, which- tucked up, and her hands folded on one ever it was, she found the latter stand- knee. ing at the window. The twilight was "You were speaking about its being by this time shading down into dark- a girl," said Miss Betsey. " I have no ness; and dimly as they saw each doubt it will be a girl. I have a preother, they could not have done that sentiment that it must be a girl. Now, without the aid of the fire. child, from the moment of the birth of "Well?" said Miss Betsey, coming this girl-" back to her chair, as if she had only "Perhaps boy," my mother took the been taking a casual look at the pros- liberty of putting in. pect; "and when do you expect-" "I tell you I have a presentiment " I am all in a tremble," faltered my that it must be a girl," returned Miss mother. "I don't know what's the Betsey. "Don't contradict. From the matter. I shall die, I am sure!" moment of this girl's birth, child, I in"No, no, no," said Miss Betsey. tend to be her friend. I intend to be "Have some tea." her godmother, and I beg you'11 call her "O dear me! dear me, do you think Betsey Trotwood Copperfield. There it will do me any good?" cried my must be no mistakes in life with this mother, in a helpless manner. Betsey Trotwood. There must be no "Of course it will," said Miss Bet- trifling with her affections, poor dear. sey. "It's nothing but fancy. What She must be well brought up, and well do you call your girl?" guarded from reposing any folish con OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. fidences where they are not deserved. "-And I hope I should have imI must make that my care." proved, being very anxious to learn, There was a twitch of Miss Betsey's and he very patient to teach, if the head, after each of these sentences, as great misfortune of his death —" my if her own old wrongs were working mother broke down again here, and within her, and she repressed any plain- could get no further. er reference to them by strong con- "Well, well!" said Miss Betsey. straint. So my mother suspected, at " —I kept my housekeeping-book least, as she observed her by the low regularly, and balanced it with Mr. Copglimmer of the fire, -too much scared perfield every night," cried my mother by Miss Betsey, too uneasy in herself, in another burst, of distress, and breakand too subdued and bewildered alto- ing down again. gether, to observe anything very clearly, "Well, well!" said Miss Betsey. or to know what to say. " Don't cry any more." " And was David good to you, child?" "- And I am sure we never had a asked Miss Betsey when she had been word of difference respecting it, except silent for a little while, and these mo- when Mr. Copperfield objected to my tions of her head had gradually ceased. threes and fives being too much like "Were you comfortable together?" each other, or to my putting curly tails "We were very happy," said my to my sevens and nines," resumed my mother. "Mr. Copperfield was only mother in another burst and breaking too good to me." down again. "What! he spoilt you, I suppose?" "You'll make yourself ill," said Miss returned Miss Betsey. Betsey, "and you know that will not "For being quite alone and depend- be good either for you or for my godent on myself in this rough world again, daughter. Come I You must n't do yes, I fear he did indeed," sobbed my it! mother. This argument had some share in "Well! Don't cry!" said Miss Bet- quieting my mother, though her increassey. "You were not equally matched, ing indisposition perhaps had a larger child, - if any two people can be equally one. There was an interval of silence, matched, -and so I asked the question. only broken by Miss Betsey's occaYou were an orphan, were n't you?" sionally ejaculating " Ha!" as she sat "Yes." with her feet upon the fender. "And a governess?" "David had bought an annuity for "I was nursery-governess in a fam- himself with his money, I know," said ily where Mr. Copperfield came to visit. she, by and by. " What did he do for Mr. Copperfield was very kind to me, you? " and took a great deal of notice of me, "Mr. Copperfield," said my mother, and paid me a good 4dat of attention, answering with some difficulty, "was and at last proposed to me. And I ac- so considerate and good as to secure cepted him. And so we were married," the reversion of a part of it to me." said my mother, simply. "How much?" asked Miss Bet. "Ha! Poor baby!" mused Miss sey. Betsey, with her frown still bent upon "A hundred and five pounds a year," the fire. "Do you know anything?" said my mother. "I beg your pardon, ma'am," fal- "He might have done worse," said tered my mother. my aunt. "About keeping house, for instance," The word was appropriate to the said Miss Betsey. moment. My mother was'so much "Not much, I fear," returned my worse that Peggotty, coming in with mother. "Not so much as I could the teaboard and candles, and seeing at wish.'But Mr. Copperfield was teach- a glance how ill she was,-as Miss ing me-" Betsey might have done sooner if there (" Much he knew about it himself I ")'tidbeen light enough, — conveyed her said Miss2Betseyin a parernhesis. up stairs to her own room with all 6 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE speed, and immediately despatched did n't lose his presence of mind. But Ham Peggotty, her nephew, who had he repeated, sweetly, - been for some days past secreted in the "Some local irritation, ma'am?" house, unknown to my mother, as a " Nonsense! " replied my aunt, and special messenger, in case of emergency, corked herself again, at one blow. to fetch the nurse and doctor. Mr. Chillip could do nothing after Those allied powers were considera- this, but sit and look at her feebly, as bly astonished, when they arrived with- she sat and looked at the fire, until he in a few minutes of each other, to find was called up stairs again. After some an unknown lady of portentous appear- quarter of an hour's absence, he reance sitting before the fire, with her turned. bonnet tiedover her left arm, stopping "Well?" said my aunt, taking the her ears with jewellers' cotton. Peg- cotton out of the ear nearest to him. gotty knowing nothing about her, and "Well, ma'am," returned Mr. Chilmy mother saying nothing about her, lip, "we are - we are progressing slowshe was quite a mystery in the parlor; ly, ma'am." and the fact of her having a magazine "Ya-a-ah " said my aunt, with of jewellers' cotton in her pocket, and a perfect shake on the contemptuous sticking the article in her ears in that interjection. And corked herself as way, did not detract from the solemni- before. ty of her presence. Really-really -as Mr. Chillip told The doctor having been up stairs and my mother, he was almost shocked; come down again, and having satisfied speaking in a professional point of view himself, I suppose, that there was a alone, he was almost shocked. But he probability of this unknown lady and sat and looked at her, notwithstanding, himself having to sit there, face to face, for nearly two hours, as she sat looking for some hours, laid himself out to be at the fire, until he was again called polite and social. He was the meekest out. After another absence, he. again of his sex, the mildest of little men. returned. He sidled in and out of a room, to take " Well? " said my aunt, taking out up the less space. He walked as soft- the cotton on that side again. ly as the Ghost in Hamlet, and more "Well, ma'am," returned Mr. Chilslowly. He carried his head on one lip, "we are - we are progressing slowside, partly in modest depreciation of ly, ma'am." himself, partly in modest propitiation of "Ya-a-ah!" said my aunt. With everybody else. It is nothing to say, such a snarl at him that Mr. Chillip that he had n't a word to throw at a dog. absolutely could not bear it. It was He could n't have thrown a word at a really calculated to break his spirit, he mad dog. He might have offered him said afterwards. He preferred to go one gently, or half a one, or a fragment and sit upon the stairs, in the dark and of one;:or he spoke as slowly as he a strong draught, until he was again walked; but he wouldn't have been sent for. rude to him, and he could n't have been Ham Peggotty, who went to the quick with him, for any earthly consid- national school, and was a very dragon eration. at his catechism, and who may thereMr. Chillip, looking mildly at my aunt, fore be regarded as a credible witness, with his head on one side, and making reported next day, that, happening to her a little bow, said, in allusion to the peep in at the parlor door an hour after jewellers' cotton, as he softly touched this, he was instantly descried by Miss his left ear, - Betsey, then walking to and fro in a " Some local irritation, ma'am?" state of agitation, and pounced upon "What!" replied my aunt, pulling before he could make his escape. That the cotton out of one ear like a cork. there were now occasional sounds of Mr. Chillip was so alarmed by her feet and voices overhead which he inabruptness-as he told my mother ferred the cotton did not exclude, from afterwards-that it was a mercy he the circumstance of his evidently being OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 7 clutched by the lady as a victim on stances..There-cannotbe any objection whom to expend her superabundant to your seeing her presently, ma'am. agitation-when the sounds were loudest. It may do her good." That, marching him constantly up and "And she. How is she?" said my down by the collar (as if he had been aunt, sharply. taking too much laudanum), she, at Mr. Chillip laid his head a little more those times, shook him, rumpled his on one side, and looked at my aunt like hair, made light of his linen, stopped an amiable bird. his ears as if she confounded them with "The baby," said my aunt. " How her own, and otherwise touzled and is she?" maltreated him. This was in part con- " Ma'am," returned Mr. Chillip, "I finned by his aunt, who saw him at half apprehended you had known. It's a past twelve o'clock, soon after his re- boy." lease, and affirmed that he was then as My aunt said never a word, but took red as I was. her bonnet by the strings, in the manThe mild Mr. Chillip could not pos- ner of a sling, aimed a blow at Mr. Chilsibly bear malice at such a time, if at lip's head with it, put it on bent, walked any time. He sidled into the parlor as out, and never came back. She vansoon as he was at liberty, and said to ished like a discontented fairy, or like my aunt, in 1is meekest manner, - one of those supernatural beings whom " Well, ma'am, I am happy to con- it was popularly supposed I was entitled gratulate you." to see, and never came back any more. "What upon? " said my aunt, sharp- No. I lay in my basket, and my ly. mother lay in her bed; but Betsey Mr. Chillip was fluttered again by Trotwood Copperfield was forever in the extreme severity of my aunt's man- the land of dreams and shadows, the ner;.soie mnade her.a little bow, and tremendous region whence I had so gave he a- little smile, to mollify her. lately travelled; and the light upon the " M'erey on the man, what's he window of our room shone out upon the doing I" cried my aunt, impatiently. earthly bourne of all such travellers, "Can't he speak?" and the mound above the ashes and the "Be calm, my dear ma'am," said dust that once was he without whom I Mr. Chillip, in his softest accents. had never been. "There is no longer any occasion for uneasiness, ma'am. Be calm." It has since been considered almost a miracle that my aunt did n't shake him, CHAPTER II. and shake what he had to say out of him. She only shook her own head at I OBSERVE. him, but in a way that made him quail. " Well, ma'am," resumed Mr. Chil- THE first objects that assume a dislip, as soon as he had courage, " I am tinct presence before me, as I look far happy to congratulate you. All is now back into the blank of my infancy, are over, ma'am, and well over." my mother with her pretty hair and During the five minutes or so that youthful shape, and Peggotty with no Mr. Chillip devoted to the delivery of shape at all, and eyes so dark that they this oration, my aunt eyed him narrow- seemed to darken their whole neighborly. hood in her face, and cheeks and arms " How is she?" said my aunt, fold- so hard and red that I wondered the ing her arms with her bonnet still tied birds did n't peck her in preference to on one of them. apples. "Well, ma'am, she will soon be quite I believe I can remember these two at comfortable, I hope," returned Mr. a little distance apart, dwarfed to my Chillip. " Quite as comfortable as we sight by stooping down or kneeling on can expect a young mother to be, under the floor, and I going unsteadily from these melancholy domestic circum- the one to the other. I have an im 8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE pression on my mind which I cannot with. their long necks stretched out distinguish from actual remembrance, of when I go that way I dream at night, the touch of Peggotty's forefinger as she as a man environed by wild beasts used to hold it out to me, and of its be- might dream of lions. ing roughened by needlework, like a Here is a long passage-what an pocket nutmeg-grater. enormous perspective I make of it i - This may be fancy, though I think the leading from Peggotty's kitchen to the memory of most of us can go further back front door. A dark store-room opens into such times than many of us sup- out of it, and that is a place to be run pose; just as I believe the power of ob- past at night; for I don't know what servation in numbers of very young chil- may be among those tubs and jars and dren to be quite wonderful for its close- old tea-chests, when there is nobody in ness and accuracy. Indeed, I think that there with a dimly-burning light, letting most grown men who are remarkable in a mouldy air come out of the door, in this respect may with greater propriety which there is the smell of soap, piekbe said not to have lost the faculty than les, pepper, candles, and coffee, all at to have acquired it; the rather, as I one whiff Then there are the two pargenerally observe such men to retain a lors, -the parlor in which we sit of an certain freshness, and gentleness, and evening, my mother and I and Peggotcapacity of being pleased, which are ty, - for Peggotty is quite.our companalso an inheritance they have preserved ion, when her work is done and we are from their childhood. alone, - and the best parlor where we sit I might have a misgiving that I am on a Sunday, grandly, but not so com" meandering," in stopping to say this, fortably. There is something of a dolebut that it brings me to remark that I ful air about that room to me, for Pegbuild these conclusions in part upon my gotty has told me - I don't know when, own experience of myself; and if it but apparently ages ago- about my fashould appear from anything I may ther's funeral, and the company having set down in this narrative that I was their black cloaks put on. One Sunday a child of close observation, or that as night my mother reads to Peggotty and a man I have a strong memory of my me in there, how Lazarus was raised up childhood, I undoubtedly lay claim to from the dead. And I am so frightened both of these characteristics. that they are afterwards obliged to take Looking back, as I was saying, into me out of bed, and show me the quiet the blank of my infancy, the first objects churchyard out of the bedroom winI can remember as standing out by dow, with the dead all lying in their themselves from a confusion of things graves at rest, below the solemn moon. are my mother and Peggotty. What There is nothing half so green that I. else do I remember? Let me see. know anywhere as the grass of that There comes out of the cloud, our churchyard; nothing half so shady as house, -not new to me, but quite fa- its trees; nothing half so quiet as its miliar, in its earliest remembrance. On tombstones. The sheep are feeding the ground-floor is Peggotty's kitchen, there, when I kneel up, early in the opening into a back yard, with a pigeon- morning, in my little bed in a closet house on a pole in the centre, without within my mother's room, to look out any pigeons in it; a great dog-kennel at it; and I see the red light shining in a corner, without any dog; and a on the sun-dial, and think within myquantity of fowls that look terribly tall self, " Is the sun-dial glad, I wonder, to me, walking about, in a menacing and that it can tell the time again?" ferocious manner. There is one cock Here is our pew in the church, -what who gets' upon a post to crow, and a high-backed pew!-with a window seems to take particular notice of me near it, out of which our house can be: as I look at him through the kitchen seen, and is seen many times during window, who makes me shiver, he is the morning's service, by Peggotty, so fierce. Of the geese outside the who likes to make herself as sur, as side-gate who come waddling after me she can that it's not being robbed, or OF' DA VID COPPERFIELD. 9 is not in fames. But though Peggot- where the fruit-clusters on the trees, ty's eye wanders, she is much offended riper and richer than fruit has ever if mine does, and frowns to me, as I been since, in any other garden, and stand upon the seat, that I am to look where my mother gathers some. in a at the clergyman. But I can't always basket, while I stand by, bolting furtive look at him, - I know him without that gooseberries, and trying to look unwhite thing on, and I am afraid of his moved. A great wind rises, and the wondering why I stare so, and perhaps summer is gone in a moment. We are stopping the service to inquire, - and playing in the winter twilight, dancing what am I to do? It's a dreadful thing about the parlor. When my mother is to gape, but I must do something. I out of breath and rests herself in an look at my mother, but she pretends not elbow-chair, I watch her winding her to see me. I look at a boy in the aisle, bright curls round her fingers and and he makes faces at me. I look at straightening her waist, and nobody the sunlight coming in at the open door knows better than I do that she likes to through the porch, and there I see a look so well, and is proud of being so stray sheep -I don't mean a sinner, pretty. but mutton - half making up his mind That is among my very earliest to come into the church. I feel that, impressions. That and a sense that if I looked at him any longer, I'might we were both a little afraid of Pegbe tempted to say something out loud.; gotty and submitted ourselves in most and what would become of me then I things to her direction, were among I look up at the monumental tablets on the first opinions —if they may be so the wall, and try to think of Mr. Bod- called - that I ever derived from what gers late of this parish, and what the I saw. feelings of Mrs. Bodgers must have Peggotty and I were sitting one night been, when affliction sore, long time by the parlor fire, alone., I had been Mr. Bodgers bore, and physicians were reading to Peggotty about crocodiles. I in vain. I wonder whether they called must have read very perspicuously, or in Mr. Chillip, and he was in vain; and the poor soul must have been deeply if so, how he likes to be reminded of it interested, for I remember she had a once a week. I look from Mr. Chillip, cloudy impression, after I had done, in his Sunday neckcloth, to the pulpit; that they were a sort of vegetable. I and think what a good place it would was tired of reading and dead sleepy; be to play in, and what a castle it would but having leave, as a high treat, to sit make, with another boy coming up the up until my mother came home from stairs to attack it, and having'the vel- spending the evening at a neighbor's, I vet cushion with the tassels thrown would rather have died upon my post (of down on his head. In time my eyes course) than have gone to bed. I had gradually shut up; and, from seem- reached that stage of sleepiness when ing to hear the clergyman singing a Peggotty seemed to swell and grow drowsy song in the heat, I hear nothing, immensely large. I propped my eyeuntil 1 fall off the seat with a crash; and lids open with my two forefingers, and am taken out, more dead than alive, by looked perseveringly at her as she sat Peggotty. at work; at the little bit of wax-candle And now I see the outside of our she kept for her thread, - how old. it house, with the latticed bedroom win- looked, being so wrinkled in all direcdows standing open to let in the sweet- tions!- at the little house with a smelling air, and the ragged old rooks' thatched roof, where the yard-measure nests still dangling in the elm-trees at lived; at her work-box with a sliding the bottan of the front garden. Now I lid, with a view of St. Paul's Cathedral am in the garden at the back, beyond (with a pink dome) painted on the top; the yard where the empty pigeon-house at the brass thimble on her finger; at and dog-kennel are, -a very preserve herself, whom I thought lovely. I felt of butterflies, as I remember it, with a so sleepy that I knew if I lost sight of high fence, and a gate and padlock; anything for a moment, I was gone. io PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Peggotty," says I, suddenly, "were mistaken; for she laid aside her work you ever married?" (which was a stocking of her own), and, "Lord, Master Davy!" replied Peg- opening her arms wide, took my curly gotty. "What's put marriage in your head within them, and gave it a good head?" squeeze. I know it was a good squeeze, She answered with such a start that because, being very plump, whenever it quite awoke me. And then she she made any little exertion after she was stopped in her work, and looked at me, dressed, some of the buttons on the with her needle drawn out to its thread's back of her gown flew off. And I recollength. lect two bursting to the opposite side " But were you ever married, Peg- of the parlor, while she was hugging gotty?" says I. "You are a very me. handsome woman, ain't you?" "Now let me hear some more about I thought her in a different style the Crorkindills," said Peggotty, who from my mother, certainly; but of was not quite right in the name yet, another school of beauty, I considered "for I ain't heard half enough." her a perfect example. There was a I could n't quite understand why Pegred-velvet footstool in the best parlor, gotty looked so queer, or why she was on which my mother had painted a so ready to go back to the crocodiles. nosegay. The groundwork of that However, we returned to those monstool and Peggotty's complexion ap- sters, with fresh wakefulness on my peared to me to be one and the same part; and we left their eggs in the sand thing. The stool was smooth; and Peg- for the sun to hatch; and we ran away goty was rough, but that made no dif- from them, and baffled them, by conference. stantly turning which they were unable "Me handsome, Davy!" said Peg- to do quickly, on account of their ungotty. "Lawk, no, my'dear! But wieldy make; and we went into the what put marriage in your head?" water after them, as natives, and put " I don't know! - You must n't marry sharp pieces of timber down their more than one person at a time, may throats; and, in short, we ran the whole you, Peggotty?" crocodile gauntlet. I did at least; but "Certainly not," says Peggotty, with I had my doubts of Peggotty, who was the promptest decision. thoughtfully sticking her needle into "But if you marry a person, and the various parts of her face and arms, all person dies, why then you may marry the time. another person, may n't you, Peggot- We had exhausted the crocodiles, and ty? " begun with the alligators, when the gar" You MAY," says Peggotty, "if you den bell rang. We went out to the door; choose, my dear. That's a matter of and there was my mother, looking opinion." unusually pretty, I thought, and with "But what is your opinion, Peg- her a gentleman with beautiful black gotty?" said I. hair and whiskers, who had walked I asked her and looked curiously at home with us from church last Sunday. her, because she looked so curiously As my mother stooped down on the at me. threshold to take me in her arms and "My opinion is,"said Peggotty, taking kiss me, the gentleman said I was a her eyes from me, after a little indeci- more highly privileged little fellow than sion, and going on with her work, " that a monarch, -or something like that; I never was married myself, Master for my later understanding comes, I Davy, and that I don't expect to be. am sensible, to my aid here. That's all I know about the subject." "What does that mean?" I asked " You ain't cross, I suppose, Peggotty, him, over her shoulder. are you?" said I, after sitting quiet for He patted me on the head; but a minute. somehow I did n't like him or his deep I really thought she was, she had voice, and I was jealous that his hand been so short with me; but I was quite should touch my mother's in touching OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. II me-which it did. I put it away as Peggotty continuing to stand motionwell as I could. less in the middle of the room, and my " Davy!" remonstrated my mother. mother resuming her singing, I fell "Dear boy!" said the gentleman. asleep, though I was not so sound "I cannot wonder at his devotion!" asleep but that I could hear voices, I never saw such a beautiful color on without hearing what they said. When my mother's face before. She gently I half awoke from this uncomfortable chid me for being rude; and, keeping doze, I found Peggotty and my mother me close to her shawl, turned to thank both in tears, and both talking. the gentleman for taking so much trou- "Not such a one as this, Mr. Copble as to bring her home. She put out perfield wouldn't have liked," said her hand to him as she spoke, and, as he Peggotty. "That I say, and that I met it with his own, she glanced, I swear!" thought, at me. " Good heavens!" cried my mother, "Let us say'Good night,' my fine "you'll drive me mad! Was ever any boy," said the gentleman, when he had poor girl so ill-used by her servants as bent his head-I saw him!-over my I am! Why do I do myself the insnother's little glove. justice of calling myself a girl? Have-I "Good night!" said I. never been married, Peggotty?" "Come! Let us be the best friends "God knows you have, ma'am," rein the world!" said the gentleman, turned Peggotty. laughing. "Shake hands! "Then how can you dare," said my My right hand was in my mother's mother, - "you know I don't mean left, so I gave him the other. how can you dare, Peggotty, but how "Why, that's the wrong hand, Da- can you have the heart, -to make me vy!" laughed the gentleman. so uncomfortable and say such bitter My mother drew my right hand for- things to me, when you are well aware ward, but I was resolved, for my former that I have n't, out of this place, a sinreason, not to give it him, and I did not. gle friend to turn to! " I gave him the other, and he shook it "The more's the reason," returned heartily, and said I was a brave fellow, Peggotty, "for saying that it won't do. and went away. No! That it won't do. No! No At this minute I see him turn round price could make it do. No! "- I in the garden, and give us a last look thought Peggotty would have thrown with his ill-omened black eyes, before the candlestick away, she was so emthe door was shut. phatic with it. Peggotty, who had not said a word or " How can you be so aggravating," moved a finger, secured the fastenings said my mother, shedding more tears instantly, and we all went into the par- than before, "as to talk in such an unlor. My mother, contrary to her usual just manner! How can you go on as habit, instead of coming to the elbow- if it was all settled and arranged, Pegchair by the fire, remained at the other gotty, when I tell you over and over end of the room, and sat singing to again, you cruel thing, that beyond the herself. commonest civilities nothing has passed! "-Hope you have had a pleasant You talk of admiration. What am I to evening, ma'am," said Peggotty, stand- do? If people are so silly as to indulge ing as stiff as a barrel in the centre of the sentiment, is it my fault? What the room, with a candlestick in her am I to do, I ask you? Would you hand. wish me to shave my head and black "Much obliged to you, Peggotty," my face, or disfigure myselfwith a burn, returned my mother in a cheerful voice, or a scald, or something of that sort? "I have had a very pleasant evening." I dare say you would, Peggotty. I "A stranger or so makes an agreea- dare say you'd quite enjoy it." ble change," suggested Peggotty. Peggotty seemed to take this asper"A very agreeable change indeed," sion very much to heart, I thought. returned my mother. "And my dear boy 1" cried my moth 2l PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCA er, coming to the elbow-chair in which geranium we had, in the parlor window. I was, andcaressing me. "My own lit- It did not appear to me that he took tie Davy! Is it.to be hinted to me that much notice of it, but before he went I am wanting in affection for my pre- he asked my mother to give him a bit cious treasure, the dearest little fellow of the blossom. She begged him to that ever was! " choose it for himself; but he refused to " Nobody never went and hinted no do that, - I could not understand why, such a thing," said Peggotty. -so she plucked it for him, and gave "You did, Peggotty " returned my it into his hand. He said he would mother. "You know you did. What never, never part with it any more; else was it possible to infer from what and I thought he must be quite a fool you said, you unkind creature, when not to know that it would fall to pieces you know as well as I do, that on his in a day or two. account only last quarter I wouldn't Peggotty began to be less with us, of buy myself a new parasol, though that an evening, than she had always been. old green one is frayed the whole way My mother deferred to her very much, up, and the fringe is perfectly mangy. -more than usual, it occurred to me, You know it is, Peggotty. You can't -and we were all three excellent deny it." Then, turning affectionately friends; still, we were different from what ton-me, with her cheek against mine, we used to be, and were not so comfort"Am I a naughty mamma to you, Davy? able among ourselves. Sometimes I Am I a nasty, cruel, selfish, bad mamma? fancied that Peggotty perhaps objected Say I am, my child; say'Yes,' dear to my mother's wearing all the pretty boy, and Peggotty will love you, and dresses she had in her drawers, or to Peggotty's love is a great deal better her going so often to visit at that neighthan mine, Davy. I don't love you at bor's; but I could n't, to my satisfacat all, do I?" tion, make out how it was. At this, we all fell a crying together. Gradually, I became used to seeing I think I was the loudest of the party, the gentleman with the black whiskers. but I am sure we were all sincere I liked him no better than at first, and about it. I was quite heart-broken had the same uneasy jealousy of him; myself, and am afraid that in the first but if I had any reason for it beyond a transports of wounded tenderness I child's instinctive dislike, and a general called Peggotty a "Beast." That hon- idea that Peggotty and I could make est creature was in deep affliction, I re- much of my mother without any help, member, and must have become quite it certainly was not tte reason that I buttonless on the occasion; for a little might have found if I had been older. volley of those explosives went off, No such thing came into my mind, or when, after having made it up with my near it. I could observe, in little pieces, mother, she kneeled down by the elbow- as it were; but as to making a net of a chair, and made it up with me. number of these pieces, and catching We went to bed greatly dejected. anybody in it, that was, as yet, beyond My sobs kept waking me, for a long me. time; and when one very strong sob One autumn morning I was with my quite hoisted me up in bed, I found my mother in the front garden, when Mr. mother sitting on the coverlet, and Murdstone - I knew him by that name leaning over me. I fell asleep in her now - came by, on horseback. He arms, after that, and slept soundly. reined up his horse to salute my mother, Whether it was the following Sunday and said he was going to Lowestoft to when I saw the gentleman again, or see some friends who were there with a whether there was any greater lapse of yacht, and merrily proposed to take me time before he reappeared, I cannot re- on the saddle before him, if I would call. I don't profess to be clear about like the ride. dates. But there he was, in church, The air was so clear and pleasant, and he walked home with us afterwards. and the horse seemed to lile the idea He came, in, too, to -look at a famous of the ride so much himself, as he stood OF DA VID COPPERRFILD. 13 snorting and pawing at the garden ate, of them was lying on at least four that I had a great desire to go. o I chairs, and had a large rough jacket on. was sent up stairs to Peggotty to be In a corer was a heap of coats and made spruce; and in the mean time Mr. boat-cloaks, and a flag, all bundled up Murdstone dismounted, and, with his together. horse's bridle drawn over his arm, They both rolled on to their feet in an walked slowly up and down on the outer untidy sort of manner when we came in, side of the sweetbrier fence, while my and said, "Halloa, Murdstone! We mother walked slowly up and down on thought you were dead! " the inner to keep him company. I rec- "Not yet," said Mr. Murdstone. ollect Peggotty and I peeping out at "And who's this shaver?" said one them from my little window; I recollect of the gentlemen, taking hold of me. how closely they appeared to be exam- "That's Davy," returned Mr. Murdining the sweetbrier between them, as stone. they strolled along; and how, from be- "Davy who?" said the gentleman. ing in a perfectly angelic temper, Peg- "Jones? " gotty turned cross in a moment, and "Copperfield," said Mr. Murdstone. brushed my hair the wrong way, exces- " What! Bewitching Mrs. Coppersively hard. field's encumbrance?" cried the gentleMr. Murdstone and I were soon off, man. "The pretty little widow?" and trotting along on the green turf by "Quinion," said Mr. Murdstone, the side of the road. He held me quite "take care, if you please. Somebody's easily with one arm, and I don't think sharp." I was restless usually; but I could not "Who is?" asked the gentleman, make up my mind to sit in front of him laughing. without turning my head sometimes, I looked up, quickly, being curious and looking up in his face. He had to know. that kind of shallow black eye - I want "Only Brooks of Sheffield," said Mr. a:better word to express an eye that has Murdstone. no depth in it to be looked into- I was quite relieved to find it was which, when it is abstracted, seems from only Brooks of Sheffield; for at first I some peculiarity of light to be dis- really thought it was I. figured, for a moment at a time, by a There seemed to be something very cast. Several times when I glanced at comical in the reputation of Mr. Brooks him, I observed that appearance with a of Sheffield, for both the gentlemen sort of awe, and wondered what he was laughed heartily when he was menthinking about so closely. His hair tioned, and Mr. Murdstone was a good and whiskers were blacker and thicker, deal amused also. After some laughing, looked at so near, than even I had given the gentleman whom he had called them credit for being. A squareness Quinion said, - about the lower part of his face, and "And what is the opinion of Brooks the dotted indication of the strong of Sheffield, in reference to the projectblack beard he shaved close every day, ed business? " reminded me of the wax-work that had "Why, I don't know that Brooks travelled into our neighborhood some understands much about it at present," half a'year before. This, his regular replied Mr. Murdstone; " but he is not eyebrows, and the rich white, and black, generally favorable, I believe." and brown, of his complexion - con- There was more laughter at this, and found his complexion, and his mem- Mr. Quinion said he would ring the ory!- made me think him, in spite of bell for some sherry in which to drink my misgivings, a very handsome man. to Brooks. This he did; and when I have no doubt that my poor dear the wine came, he made me have a mother thought him so too. little, with a biscuit, and, before I drank We went to an hotel by the sea, it, stand up and say, "Confusion to where two gentlemen were smoking ci- Brooks of Sheffield I" The toast was gars in a room by themselves. Each received with great applause, an4 such 14 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE hearty laughter that it made me laugh sweetbrier, while I was sent in to get too; at which they laughed the more. my tea. When he was gone, my mother In short, we quite enjoyed ourselves. asked me all about the day I had had, We walked about on the cliff after and what they had said and done. I that, and sat on the grass, and looked mentioned what they had said about at things through a telescope, - I could her, and she laughed, and told me they make out nothing myself when it was were impudent fellows who talked nonput to my eye, but I pretended I could, sense, - but I knew it pleased her. I -and then we came back to the hotel knew it quite as well as I know it now. to an early dinner. All the time we I took the opportunity of asking if she were out, the two gentlemen smoked was at all acquainted with Mr. Brooks incessantly, -which, I thought, if I of Sheffield, but she answered No, only might judge from the smell of their she supposed lie must be a manufacturer rough coats, they must have been doing in the knife and fork way. ever since the coats had first come home Can I say of her face- altered as I from the tailor's. I must not forget that have reason to remember it, perished as we went on board the yacht, where they I know it is - that it is gone, when here all three descended into the cabin, and it comes before me at this instant, as were busy with some papers. I saw distinct as any face that I may choose them quite hard at work, when I looked to look on in a crowded street? Can I down through the open skylight. say of her innocent and girlish beauty, They left me, during this time, with a that it faded, and was no more, when very nice man with a very large head of its breath falls on my cheek now, as it red hair and a very small shiny hat up- fell that night? Can I say she ever on it, who had got a cross-barred shirt changed, when my remembrance brings or waistcoat on, with " Skylark " in cap- her back to life, thus only; and, truer ital letters across the chest. I thought to its loving youth than I have been, or it was his name, and that, as'he lived man ever is, still holds fast what it on board ship and hadn't a street door cherished then? to put his name. on, he put it there in- I write of her just as she was when stead; but when I called him Mr. Sky- I had gone to bed after this talk, and lark, he said it meant the vessel. she came to bid me good night. She I observed all day that Mr. Murdstone kneeled down playfully by the side of was graver and steadier than the two the bed, and laying her chin upon her gentlemen. They were very gay and hands, and laughing, said, - careless. They joked freely with one " What was it they said, Davy? Tell another, but seldom with him. It ap- me again. I can't believe it." peared to me that he was more clever "' Bewitching-' " I began. and cold than they were, and that My mother put her hands upon my they regarded him with something of lips to stop me. my own feeling. I remarked that once " It was never bewitching," she said, ortwice, when Mr. Quinion was talking, laughing. "It never could have been he looked at Mr. Murdstone sideways, bewitching, Davy. Now I know it as if to make sure of his not being dis- was n't! " pleased, and that once, when Mr. Pass- "Yes it was.'Bewitching Mrs. Copnidge (the other gentleman) was in high perfield,'" I repeated, stoutly. "And spirits, he trod upon his foot, and gave'pretty.'" him a secret caution with his eyes, to " No, no, it was never pretty. Not observe Mr. Murdstone, who was sitting pretty," interposed my mother, laying stern and silent. Nor do I recollect her fingers on my lips again. that Mr. Murdstone laughed at all that "Yes it was.'Pretty little widow.'" day, except at the Sheffield joke, - and " What foolish, impudent creatures " that, by the by, was his own. cried my mother, laughing and coverWe went home early in the evening. ing her face. "What ridiculous men I It was a very fine evening, and my Ain't they? Davy, dear-" mother and he had another strollby the "Well, ma." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 15 "Don't tell Peggotty; she might be ing, it must have been a very little one angry with them. I am dreadfully an- indeed, and not worth darning. gry with them myself; but I would "I say! Peggotty! She can't live rather Peggotty did n't know." by herself, you know." I promised, of course; and we kissed " 0, bless you! " said Peggotty, lookone another over and over again, and ing at me again at last. "Don't you I soon fell fast asleep. know? She's going to stay for a fortIt seems to me, at this distance of night with Mrs. Grayper. Mrs. Graytime, as if it were the next day when per's going to have a lot of company." Peggotty broached the striking and ad- Oh! If that was it, I was quite ready venturous proposition I am about to to go. I waited, in the utmost impamention; but it was probably about tience, until my mother came home from two months afterwards. Mrs. Grayper's (for it was that identical We were sitting as before, one even- neighbor), to ascertain if we could get ing (when my motherwas out as before), leave to carry out this great idea. Within company with the stocking and the out being nearly so much surprised as I yard measure, and the bit of wax, and had expected, my mother entered into the box with Saint Paul's on the lid, and it readily; and it was all arranged that the crocodile book, when Peggotty, after night, and my board and lodging durlooking at me several times, and open- ing the visit were to be paid for. ing her mouth as if she were going to The day soon came for our going. It speak, without doing it, -which I was such an early day that it came soon, thought was merely gaping, or I should even to me, who was in a fever of exhave been rather alarmed, - said, coax- pectation, and half afraid that an earthingly, - quake or a fiery mountain, or some " Master Davy, how should you like other great convulsion of nature, might to go along with me and spend a fort- interpose to stop the expedition. We night at my brother's at Yarmouth? were to go in a carrier's cart, which deWould n't that be a treat?" parted in the morning after breakfast. " Is your brother an agreeable man, I would have given any money to have Peggotty?" I inquired, provisionally. been allowed to wrap myself up over "0, what an agreeable man he night, and sleep in my hat and boots. is!" cried Peggotty, holding up her It touches me nearly now, although I hands. "Then there's the sea; and tell it lightly, to recollect h6w eager the boats and ships; and the fisher- I was to leave my happy home; to men; and the beach; and Am to play think how little I suspected what I did with." " leave forever. Peggotty meant her nephew Ham, I am glad to recollect that when the mentioned in my first chapter; but she carrier's cart was at the gate, and my spoke of him as a morsel of English mother stood there kissing me, a grategrammar. ful fondness for her, and for the old I was flushed by her summary of de- place I had never turned my back upon lights, and replied that it would indeed before, made me cry. I am glad to be a treat, but what would my mother know that my mother cried too, and say? that I felt her heart beat against "Why, then I'11 as good as bet a mine. guinea,' said Peggotty, intent upon my I am glad to recollect that, when the face, " that she'11 let us go. I'11 ask carrier began to move, my mother ran her, if you like, as soon as ever she out at the gate, and called to him to comes home. There now!" stop, that she might kiss me once " But what's she to do while we're more. I am glad to dwell upon the away?" said I, putting my small elbows earnestness and love with which she on the table to argue the point. " She lifted up her face to mine, and did so. can't live by herself."' As we left her standing in the road, If Peggotty were looking for a hole, Mr. Murdstone came up to where she all of a sudden, in the heel of that stock- was, and: seemed to expostulate with 16 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE her for being so moved. I was looking Yarmouth. It looked rather spongy back round the awning of the cart, and and'soppy, I thought, as I carried my wondered what business it was of his. eye over the great dull waste that lay Peggotty, who was also looking back across the river; and I could not help on the other side, seemed anything but wondering if the world were really as satisfied; as the face she brought back round as my geography-book said, how into the cart denoted. any part of it came to be so flat. But I I sat looking at Peggotty for some reflected that Yarmouth might be situtime, in a revery on this supposititious ated at one of the poles; which would case,-whether, if she were employed to account for. it. lose me like the boy in the fairy-tale, I As we drew a little nearer, and saw should be able to track my way home the whole adjacent prospect lying a again by the buttons she would shed. straight low line under the sky, I hinted to Peggotty that a mound or so might have improved it; and also, that, if the land had been a little more separated CHAPTER III. from the sea, and the town and the tide had not been quite so much mixed up I HAVE A CHANGE. like toast and water, it would have been nicer. But Peggotty said, with THE carrier's horse was the laziest greater emphasis than usual, that we horse in the world, I should hope, and must take things as we found them, shuffled along, with his head down, as if and that, for her part, she was proud to lie liked to keep the people waiting to call herself a Yarmouth Bloater. whom the packages were directed. I When we got into the street (which fancied, indeed, that he sometimes was strange enough to me), and smelt chuckled audibly over this reflection; the fish, and pitch, and oakum, andtar, but the carrier said he was only trou- and saw the sailors walking about, and bled with a cough. the carts jingling up and down over The carrier had a way of keeping his the stones, I felt that I had done so head down, like his horse, and of busy a place an injustice, and said as drooping sleepily forward as he drove, much to Peggotty, who heard my exwith one of his arms on each of his pressions of delight with great complaknees. I say "drove"; but it struck cency, and told me it was well known me that the cart would have gone to (I suppose to those who had the good Yarmouth quite as well without him; fortune to be born Bloaters) that Yarfor the horse did all that; and as to mouth was, upon the whole, the finest conversation, he had no idea of it but place in the universe. whistling. "Here's my Am!" screamed PegPeggotty had a basket of refresh- gotty, "growed out of knowledge!" ments on her knee, which would have He was waiting for us, in fact, at the lasted us out handsomely, if we had been public-house, and asked me how I going to London by the same convey- found myself, like an old acquaintance. ance. We ate a good deal, and slept I did not feel, at first, that I knew him a good deal. Peggotty always went to as well as he knew me, because he had sleep with her chin upon the handle of never come to our house since the night the basket, her hold of which never re- I was born, and naturally he had the laxed; and I could not have believed, advantage of me. But our intimacy unless I had heard her do it, that one de- was much advanced by his taking me fenceless woman could have snored so on his back to carry me home. He much. was now a huge, strong fellow of six We made so many deviations up and feet high, broad in proportion, and down lanes, and were such a long time round-shouldered; but with a simperdelivering a bedstead at a public-house, ing boy's face and curly light hair that and calling at other places, that I was gave him quite a sheepish look. He quite tired and very glad, when we saw was dressed in a canvas jacket and a OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 17 pair of such very stiff trousers that they drawers;. and on the chest of drawers would have stood quite as well alone, there was a tea-tray, with a painting on without any legs in them. And you it of a lady with a parasol, taking.a walk could n't so properly have said he wore with a military-looking child who was a hat as that he was covered in atop, trundling a hoop. The tray was kept like an old building, with something from tumbling down by a Bible; and pitchy. the tray, if it had tumbled down, would Ham carrying me on his back and a have smashed a quantity of cups and small box of ours under his arm, and saucers and a teapot, that were grouped Peggotty carrying another small box of around the book. On the walls there ours, we turned down lanes bestrewn were some common colored pictures, with bits of chips and little hillocks of framed and glazed, of Scripture subsand, and went past gas-works, rope- jects; such as I have never seen since in walks, boat-builders' yards, shipwrights' the hands of pedlers, without seeing the yards, ship-breakers' yards, caulkers' whole interior of Peggotty's brother's yards, riggers' lofts, smiths' forges, and house again, at one view. Abraham in a great litter of such places, until we red going to sacrifice Isaac in blue, and parne out upon the dull waste I had Daniel in yellow cast into a den of already seen at a distance; when Ham green lions, were the most prominent said, - of these. Over the little mantel-shelf " Yon's our house, Mas'r Davy!" was a picture of the Sarah Jane lugger, I looked ih all directions, as far as I built at Sunderland, with a real little could stare over the wilderness, and wooden stern stuck on to it; a work of away at the sea, and away at the river, art, combining composition with carbut no house could I make out. There pentry, which I considered to be one was a black barge, or some other kind of the most enviable possessions that of superannuated boat, not far off, high the world could afford. There were and dry on the ground, with an iron some hooks in the beams of the ceiling, funnel sticking out of it for a chimney the use of which I did not divine then; and smoking very cosily; but nothing and some lockers and boxes and conelse in the way of a habitation that was veniences of that sort, which served for visible to me. seats and eked out the chairs. "That's not it?" said I. "That All this I saw in the first glance after ship-looking thing?" I crossed the threshold, -childlike, ac"That's it, Mas'r Davy," returned cording to my theory, - and then PegHam. gotty opened a little door and showed If it had been Aladdin's palace, roc's me my bedroom. It was the completegg and all, I suppose I could not have est and most desirable bedroom ever been more charmed with the romantic seen -in the ster of the vessel; with idea of living in it. There was a de- a little window, where the rudder used lightful door cut in the side, and it was to go through; a little looking-glass, roofed in, and there were little windows just the right height for me, nailed in it; but the wonderful charm of it against the wall, and framed with was, that it was a real boat which had oyster-shells; a little bed, which there no doubt been upon the water hundreds was just room enough to get into; and of times, and which had never been a nosegay of sea-weed in a blue mug on intended to be lived in, on dry land. the table. The walls were whitewashed That was the captivation of it to me. as white as milk, and the patchwork If it had ever been meant to be lived counterpane made my eyes quite ache in, I might have thought it small, or with its brightness. One thing I parinconvenient, or lonely; but never hav- ticularly noticed in this delightful ing been designed for any such use, it house was the smell of fish, which became a perfect abode. was so searching that, when I took out It was beautifully clean inside, and as my pocket-handkerchief to wipe my tidy as possible. There was a table, nose, I found it smelt exactly as if it and a Dutch clock, and a chest of had wrapped -up -a- lobster. On my 2 X8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE imparting this discovery in confidence soon returned, greatly improved in apto Peggotty, she informed me that her pearance, but so rubicund that I brother dealt in lobsters, crabs, and could n't help thinking his face had this crawfish; and I afterwards found that, in common with the lobsters, crabs, a heap of these creatures, in a state and crawfish,-that it went into the of wonderful conglomeration with one hot water very black, and came out another, and never leaving off pinching very red. whatever they laid hold of, were usual- After tea, when the door was shut ly to be found in a little wooden out- and all was made snug (the nights being house where the pots and kettles were cold and misty now), it seemed to me kept. the most delicious retreat that the ilmWe were welcomed by a very civil agination of man could conceive. To woman in a white apron, whom I had hear the wind getting up out at sea, to seen courtesying at the door when I was know that the fog was creeping over the on Ham's back, about a quarter of a desolate flat outside, and to look at the mile off. Likewise by a most beautiful fire, and think that there was no house little girl (or I thought her so) with a near but this one, and this one a boat, necklace of blue beads on, who would n't was like enchantment.- Little Em'ly let me kiss her when I offered to, but had overcome her shyness, and was ran away and hid herself. By and by, sitting by my side upon the lowest and when we had dined in a sumptuous least of the lockers, which was just manner off boiled dabs, melted butter, large enough for us two, and just fitted and potatoes, with a chop for me, a into the chimney-corner. Mrs. Peggothairy man with a very good-natured ty, with the white apron, was knitting face came home. As he called Peggot- on the opposite side of the fire. Pegty "Lass," and gave her a hearty gotty at her needlework was as much smack on the cheek, I had no doubt, at home, with Saint Paul's and the bit from the general propriety of her con- of wax-candle, as if they had never duct, that he was her brother; and so known any other roof. Ham, who had he turned out, -being presently intro- been giving me my first lesson in allduced to me as Mr. Peggotty, the fours, was trying to recollect a scheme master of the house. of telling fortunes with the dirty cards, "Glad to see you, sir," said Mr. and was printing off fishy impressions Peggotty. "You'll find us rough, sir, of his thumb on all the cards he turned. but you'11 find us ready." Mr. Peggotty was smoking his pipe. I thanked him, and replied that I was I felt it was a time for conversation and sure I should be happy in such a de- confidence. lightful place. "Mr. Peggotty!" says I. "How's your ma, sir?" said Mr. "Sir," says he. Peggotty. "Did you leave her pretty " Did you give your son the name of jolly?" Ham, because you lived in a sort of I gave Mr. Peggotty to understand ark?" that she was as jolly as I could wish, Mr. Peggotty seemed to think it a and that she desired her compliments, deep idea, but answered, - -which was a polite fiction on my part.'No, sir. I never giv' himnoname." "I'm much obleeged to her, I'm "Who gave him that name, then?" sure," said Mr. Peggotty. "Well, sir, said I, putting question number two of if you can make out here, for a fortnut, the catechism to Mr. Peggotty.'long wi' her," nodding at his sister, "Why, sir, his father giv' it him," "and Ham, and little Em'ly, we, shall said Mr. Peggotty. be proud of your company." " I thought you were his father I " Having done the honors of his house "My brother Joe was his father," in this hospitable manner, Mr. Peggot- said Mr. Peggotty. ty went out to wash himself in a kettle- "Dead, Mr. Peggotty?" I hinted, ful of hot water, remarking that "cold after a respectful pause. would never get his muck off." He "Drowndead,' said Mr. Pegg6tty. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 9r I was very much surprised that Mr. " Gormed " if he did n't cut and run Peggotty was not Ham's father, and for good, if it was ever mentioned began to wonder whether I was mis- again. It appeared, in answer to my taken about his relationship to anybody inquiries, that nobody had the least else there. I was so curious to know, idea of the etymology of this terrible that I made up my mind to have it out verb passive to be gormed; but that with Mr. Peggotty. they all regarded it as constituting a most " Little Em'ly," I said, glancing at solemn imprecation. her. " She is your daughter, is n't she, I was very sensible of my entertainMr. Peggotty?" er's goodness, and listened to the "No, sir. My brother-in-law, Tom, women's going to bed in another little was her father." crib like mine at the opposite end of I could n't help it. "- Dead, Mr. the boat, and to him and Ham hanging Peggotty?" I hinted, after another re- up two hammocks for themselves on spectful silence. the hooks I had noticed in the roof, in " Drowndead," said Mr. Peggotty. a very luxurious state of mind, enI felt the difficulty of resuming the hanced by my being sleepy. As slumsubject, but had not got to the bottom ber gradually stole upon me, I heard of it yet, and must get to the bottom the wind howling out at sea- and coming somehow. So I said, - on across the flat so fiercely that I had "Have n't you any children, Mr. a lazy apprehension of the great deep Peggotty?" rising in the night. But I bethought " No, master," he answered, with a myself that I was in a boat, after all; short laugh. "I'm a bacheldore." and that a man like Mr. Peggotty was "A bachelor! " I said, astonished. not a bad person to have on board if "Why, who's that, Mr. Peggotty?" anyhing did happen. pointing to the person in the apron, who Nothing happened, however, worse was knitting. than morning. Almost as soon asa it "That's Missis Gummidge," said shone upon the oyster-shell frame of Mr. Peggotty. my mirror I was out of bed, and out " Gummidge, Mr. Peggotty?" with little Em'ly, picking up stones But at this point Peggotty - I mean upon the beach. my own peculiar Peggotty - made such " You're quite a sailor, I suppose? " impressive motions to me not to ask I said to Em'ly. I don't know that I any more questions, that I could only supposed anything of the kind, but I sit and look at all the silent company, felt it an act of gallantry to say someuntil it was time to go to bed. Then, thing; and a shining sail close to us in the privacy of my own little cabin, made such a pretty little image of itself, she informed me that Ham and Em'ly at the moment, in her bright eye, that were an orphan nephew and niece, it came into my head to say this. whom my host had at different times "No," replied Em'ly, shaking her adopted in their childhood, when they head; " I'm afraid of the sea." were left destitute; and that Mrs. Gum- " Afraid I " I said, with a becoming midge was the widow of his partner in air of boldness, and looking very big a boat, who had died very poor. He at the mighty ocean. " I ain't I " was but a poor man himself, said Peg- "Ah! but it's cruel," said Em'ly. gotty, but as good as gold and as true "I have seen it very cruel to some of as steel, - those were her similes. The our men. I have seen it tear a boat as only subject, she informed me, on big as our house all to pieces." which he ever showed a violent temper "I hope it was n't the boat that -" or swore an oath, was this generosity of "That father was drownded in? " his; and if it were ever referred to, by said Em'ly. " No. Not that one; I any one of them, he struck the table a never see that boat." heavy blow with his right hand (had " Nor him?" I asked her. split it on one such occasion), and swore Little Em'ly shook her head. " Not a dreadful oath that he, would be to remember.' so PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Here was a coincidence I I immedi- would all be gentlefolks together, then. ately went into an explanation how I Me, and uncle, and Ham, and Mrs. had never seen my own father; and Gummidge. We wouldn't mind, then, how my mother and I had always lived when there come stormy weather. -Not by ourselves in the happiest state im- for our own sakes, I mean. We would aginable, and lived so then, and always for the poor fishermen's, to be sure, meant to live so; and. how my father's and we'd help'em with money when grave was in the churchyard near our they come to any hurt." house, and shaded by a tree, beneath This seemed to me to be a very satisthe boughs of which Clhad walked and factory and therefore not at all improbaheard the birds sing -many a pleasant ble picture. I expressed my pleasure morning. But there w.ie some differ- in the contemplation of it, and little ences between Em'ly's orphanhood and Em'ly was emboldened to say, shyly, - mine, it appeared. She had lost her "Don't you think you are afraid of mother before her father; and where the sea, now? " her father's grave was no one knew, It was quiet enough to reassure me; except that it was somewhere in the but I have no doubt if I had seen a depths of the sea. moderately large wave come tumbling "Besides," said Em'ly, as she looked in, I should have taken to my heels, about for shells and pebbles, "your with an awful recollection of her drowned fatherwas a gentleman, and your mother relations. However, I said, " N6," and is a lady; and my father was a fisher- I added, "You don't seem to be, eiman, and my mother was a fisherman's ther, though you say you are "; for she daughter, and my uncle Dan is a fisher- was walking much too near the brink of man." a sort of old jetty or wooden causeway "Dan is Mr. Peggotty, is he?" we had strolled upon, and I was afraid said I. of her falling over. "Uncle Dan-yonder," answered "I'm not afraid in this way," said Em'ly, nodding at the boat-house. little Em'ly. "But I wake when -it "Yes. I mean him. He must be blows, and tremble to think of Uncle very good, I should think?" Dan and Ham, and believe I hear'em Good?" said Em'ly. "If I was crying out for help. That's why I ever to be a lady, I'd give him a sky- should like so much to be a lady. But blue coat with diamond buttons, nan- I'm not afraid in this way. Not a bit. keen trousers, a red-velvet waistcoat, a Look here!" cocked hat, a large gold watch, a silver She started from my side, and ran pipe, and a box of money." along a jagged timber which protruded I said I had no doubt that Mr. Peg- from the place we stood upon, and overgotty well deserved these treasures. I hung the deep water at some height; must acknowledge that I felt it difficult without the least defence. The incito picture him quite at his ease in the dent is so impressed on my rememraiment proposed for him by his grateful brance, that if I were a draughtsman I little niece, and that I was particularly could draw its form here, I dare say, doubtful of the policy of the cocked accurately as it was that day, and little hat; but I kept these sentiments to my- Em'ly springing fornard to her destrucself. tion (as it appeared to me), with a look Little Em'ly had stopped and looked that I have never forgotten, directed far up at the sky in her enumeration of out to sea. these articles, as if they were a lori- The light, bold, fluttering little figure ous vision. We went on again, picking turned and came back safe to me, and I up shells and pebbles. soon laughed at my fears, and at the cry' You would like to be a lady?" I I had uttered; fruitlessly in any case, said. for there was no one near. But there Em'ly looked at me, and laughed and have been times since, in my manhood, nodded "Yes." many times there have been, when I "I should like it very much. We have thought, Is it possible, among the OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 21 possibilities of hidden things, that, in garded it as much more than I had had the sudden rashness of the child, and reason to expect. her wild look so far off, there was any We used to walk about that dim old merciful attraction of her into danger, flat at Yarmouth in a loving manner, any tempting her towards him per- hours and hours. The days sported by mitted on the part of her dead father, us, as if Time had not grown up himthat her life might have a chance of self yet, but were a child too, and ending that day. There has been a always at play. I told Em'ly I adored time since, when I have wondered her, and that, unless she confessed she whether, if the life before her could adored me, I should be reduced to the have been revealed to me at a glance, necessity of killing myself with a sword. and so revealed as that a child could She said she did, and I have no doubt fully comprehend it, and if her preser- she did. vation could have depended on a motion As to any sense of inequality, or of my hand, I ought to have held it up youthfulness, or other difficulty in our to save her. There has been a time way, little Em'ly and I had no such since, - I do not say it lasted long, but trouble, because we had no future. We it has been, - when I have asked myself made no more provision for growing the question, Would it have been better older than we did for growing younger. for little Em'ly to have had the waters We were the admiration of Mrs. Gumclose above her head that morning in midge and Peggotty, who used to whismy sight; and when I have answered, per of an evening when we sat, lovingly, Yes. on our little locker side by side, " Lor This may be premature. I have set was n't it beautiful l" Mr. Peggotty it down too soon, perhaps. But let it smiled at us from behind his pipe, and stand. Ham grinned all the evening and did We strolled a long way, and loaded nothing else. They had something of ourselves with things that we thought the sort of pleasure in us, I suppose, curious, and put some stranded star- that they might have had in a pretty fish carefully back into the water, -I toy, or a pocket model of the Coloshardly know enough of the race at this seum. moment: to be quite certain whether I soon found out that Mrs. Gummidge they had reason to feel obliged to us did not always make herself so agreefor doing so, or the reverse, - and then able as she might have been expected made our way home to Mr. Peggotty's to do, under the circumstances of her dwelling. We stopped under the lee residence with Mr. Peggotty. Mrs. of the lobster-outhouse to exchange an Gummidge's was rather a fretful disinnocent kiss, and went in to breakfast, position, and she whimpered more someglowing with health and pleasure. times than was comfortable for other "Like two young mavishes," Mr. parties in so small an establishment. Peggotty said.' I knew this meant, in I was very sorry for her; but there ourlocal dialect, like two young thrushes, were moments when it would have been and received it as a compliment. more agreeable, I thought, if Mrs. Of course I was in love with little Gummidge had had a convenient apartEm'ly. I am sure I loved that baby ment of her own to retire to, and had quite as truly, quite as tenderly, with stopped there until her spirits revived. greater purity and more disinterested- Mr. Peggotty went occasionally to a ness, than can enter into the best love public-house called The Willing Mind. of a later time of life, high and enno- I discovered this, by his being out on bling as it is. I am sure my fancy raised the second or third evening of our visit, up something round that blue-eyed mite and by Mrs. Gummidge's looking up of a child, which etherealized, and made at the Dutch clock, between eight and a very angel of her. If, any sunny nine, and saying he was there, and that, forenoon, she had spread a little pair what was more, she had known in the of wings and flown away before my morning he would go there. eyes, I don't think I should have re- Mrs. Gummidge had been in a low a2 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE state all day, and had burst into tears Mrs.. Gummidges who only shook::i r in the forenoon, when the fire smoked. head over her knitting. " I am a lone lorn creetur'," were Mrs. "What's amiss? " said Mr. Peggotty, Gummidge's words, when that unpleas- with a clap of his hands. " Cheer up, ant occurrence took place, "and every- old Mawther i" (Mr. Peggotty meant think goes contrairy with me." old girl.) "0, it'll soon leave off," said Peg- Mrs. Gummidge did not appear to gotty, - I again mean our Peggotty, - be able to cheer up. She took out an "and besides, you know, it's not more old black silk handkerchief and wiped disagreeable to you than to us." her eyes, but, instead of putting it in "I feel it more," said Mrs. Gum- her pocket, kept it out, and wiped them midge. again, and still kept it out ready for use. It was a very cold day, with cutting "What's amiss, dame?" said Mr. blasts of wind. Mrs. Gummidge's Peggotty. peculiar corner of the fireside seemed "Nothing," returned Mrs. Gumto me to be the warmest and snuggest midge.'You've come from The Willin the place, as her chair was certainly ing Mind, Dan'l?" the easiest, but it didn't suit her that "Why, yes; I've took a short spell at day at all. She was constantly com- The Willing Mind to-night," said Mr. plaining of the cold, and of its occasion- Peggotty. ing a visitation in her back which she I'm sorry I should drive you called "the creeps." At last she shed there," said Mrs. Gummidge. tears on that subject, and said again "Drive! I don't want no driving," that she was " alone lorn creetur', and returned Mr. Peggotty with an honest everythink went contrairy with her." laugh. "I only go too ready." " It is certainly very cold," said Peg- "Very ready," said Mrs. Gummidge, gotty. "Everybody must feel it so." shaking her head, and-wiping her eyes. "I feel it more than other people," "Yes, yes, very ready. I am sorry it said Mrs. Gummidge. should be along of me that you're so So at dinner, when Mrs. Gummidge ready." was always helped immediately after "Along o' you? It ain't along o6 me, to whom the preference was given you!" said Mr. Peggotty.: "Don't as a visitor of distinction. The fish ye believe a bit on it." were small and bony, and the potatoes "Yes, yes, it is," cried Mrs. Gumwere a little burnt. We all acknowl- midge. "I know what I am. I know edged that we felt this something of a that I am a lope lorn creetur',' and not disappointment; but Mrs. Gummidge only that everythink goes contrairy with said she felt it more than we did, and me, but that I go contrairy with everyshed tears again, and made that former body. Yes, yes. I feel more than declaration with great bitterness. other people do, and I show it more. Accordingly, when Mr. Peggotty It's my msfortun'." came home about nine o'clock, this I really couldn't help thinking, as I unfortunate Mrs. Gummidge was knit- sat taking in all this, that the misforting in her corner in a very wretched tune extended to some other members and miserable condition. Peggotty had of that family besides Mrs. Gummidge. been working cheerfully. Ham had But Mr. Peggotty made no such retort, been patching up a great pair of water- only answering with another entreaty to boots; and I, with little Em'ly by my Mrs. Gummidge to cheer up. side, had been reading to them. Mrs. "I ain't what I could wish myself to Gummidge had never made any other be," said Mrs. Gummidge. "I am remark than a forlorn sigh, and had far from it. I know what I am. My never raised her eyes since tea. troubles has made me contrairy. I feel "Well, mates," said Mr. Peggotty, my troubles, and they make me contaking his seat, "and how are you?" trairy. I wish I didn't feel'em, but I do: We all said something, or looked I wish I could be hardened to'em, ibut something, to welcome him, except Iain't. I make the house uncomfortabe OF DA VID COPPERFIELD.:3 I don't wonder at it. I've made your another, though I believe this obtains sister so all day, and Master Davy. with most people, in reference especially Here I was suddenly melted, and to the associations of their childhood. roared out, "No, you haven't, Mrs. I never hear the name, or read the Gummidge," in great mental distress. name, of Yarmouth, but I am reminded "It's far from right that I should do of a certain Sunday morning on the it," said Mrs. Gummidge. "It ain't beach, the bells ringing for church, a fit return. I had better go into the little Em'ly leaning on my shoulder, house and die. I am a lone lorn cree- Ham lazily dropping stones into the tur', and had much better not make water, and the sun, away at sea, just myselfcontrairy here. If thinks must go breaking through the heavy mist, and contrairy with me, and I must go con- showing us the ships,-like their own trairy myself, let me go contrairy in my shadows. parish. Dan'l, I'd better go into the At last the day came for going home. house, and die and be a riddance! " I bore up against the separation from Mrs. Gummidge retired with these Mr. Peggotty and Mrs. Gummidge, but words, and betook herself to bed. my agony of mind at leaving little Em'ly When she was gone, Mr. Peggotty, who was piercing. We went arm-in-arm to had not exhibited a trace of any feeling the public-house where the carrier put but' the profoundest sympathy, looked up, and I promised, on the road, to write round upon us, and, nodding his head to her. (I redeemed that promise afterwith a lively expression of that senti- wards, in characters larger than those ment still animating his face, said in a in which apartments are usually anwhisper, - nounced in manuscript, as being to " he's been thinking of the old let.) We were greatly overcome at'un I" parting; and if ever in my life I have I did not quite understand what old had a void made in my heart, I had one Mrs. Gummidge was supposed to one made that day. have fixed her mind upon, until Peg- Now, all the time I had been on my gotty, on seeing me to bed, explained visit, I had been ungrateful to myliome that it was the late -Mr. Gummidge; again, and had thought little or nothing and that-her brother always took that about it. But I was no sooner turned for a received truth on such occasions, towards it than my reproachful young and that it always had a moving effect conscience seemed to point that way with upon him. Some time after he was in a steady finger; and I felt, all the more his hammock that night, I heard him for the sinking of my spirits, that it was myself repeat to Ham, " Poor thing I my nest, and that my mother was my She's been thinking of the old'un!" comforter and friend. And whenever Mrs. Gummidge was This gained upon me as we went overcome in a similar manner during along; so that the nearer we drew, and the remainder of our stay (which hap- the more familiar the objects became pened some few times), he always said that we passed, the more excited I was the same thing in extenuation of the to get there, and to run into: her arms. circumstance, and always with the ten- But Peggotty, instead of sharing in derest commiseration. these transports, tried to check them So the fortnight slipped away, varied (though very kindly), and looked conby nothing but the variation of the tide, fused and out of sorts. which altered Mr. Peggotty's times of Blunderstone Rookery would come, going out and coming in, and altered however, in spite of her, when the carriHam's engagements also. When the er's horse pleased- and did. How well latter was unemployed, he sometimes I recollect it, on a cold gray afternoon, walked with us to show us the boats with a dull sky, threatening rain! and ships, and once or twice he took us The door opened, and I looked, half for a row. I don't know why one slight laughing and half crying in my pleasant set of impressions should be more par- agitation, for my mother. It was not ticularly associated with a place than she, but a strange servant. 24 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Why, Peggotty!" I said, ruefully, thing - I don't know what, or ho"is n't she come home?" connected with the grave in the church" Yes, yes, Master Davy," said Peg- yard, and the raising of the dead, seemed gotty. "She's come home. Wait a to strike me like an unwholesome wind. bit, Master Davy, and I'11-I'11 tell "Anew one," said Peggotty. you something." "A new one?" I repeated. Between her agitation, and her natural Peggotty gave a gasp, as if she were awkwardness in getting out of the cart, swallowingsomethingthat.wasveryhard, Peggotty was making a most extraordi- and, putting out her hand, said, - nary festoon of herself, but I felt too " Come and see him." blank and strange to tell her so. When " I don't want to see him." she had got down, she took me by the "And your mamma," said Peggotty. hand, led me, wondering, into the kitch- I ceased to draw back, and we went en, and shut the door.. straight to the best parlor, where she " Peggotty! " said I, quite frightened, left me. On one side of the fire sat my "what's the matter?" mother; on the other, Mr. Murdstone. "Nothing's the matter, bless you, My mother dropped her work, and arose Master Davy, dear! " she answered, as- hurriedly, but timidly, I thought. suming an air of sprightliness. "Now, Clara my dear,' said Mt. "Something's the matter, I'm sure. Murdstone. "Recollect! control yourWhere's mamma?" self, always control yourself Davy, "Where's mamma, Master Davy?" boy, how do you do?" repeated Peggotty. I gave him my hand. After a mto"Yes. Why has n't she come out to ment of suspense, I went and kissed:my the gate, and what have we come in here mother. She kissed me, pattedme genfor? 0 Peggotty!" My eyes were tly on the shoulder, and sat down again full, and I felt as if I were going to to her work. I could not look at her, tumble down. I could not look at him; I knew quite "Bless the precious boy! " cried Peg- well that he was looking at -u:e both, gotty, taking hold of me. "What is it? and I turned to the window and-looked Speak, my pet! " out there at some shrubs' tthat were "Not dead, too! 0, she's not dead, drooping their heads in the cold. Peggotty?" As soon as I could creep away, I Pegotty cried out No! with an as- crept up stairs. My old dear bedroom tonishing volume of voice, and then sat was changed, and I was to lie a long down, and began to pant, and said I had way off. I rambled down stairs: t find given her a turn. anything that was like itself, -sb altere I gave her a hug to take away the it all seemed, -and roamed itio the turn, or to give her another turn in the yard. I very soon started basltI from right direction, and then stood before there; for the empty dog-kennel was her, looking at her in anxious inquiry. filled up with a great dog-'-de:p"You see, dear, I should have told mouthed and black-haired like Him — ou before now," said Peggotty, " but and he was very angry at the sight of Ihadn't an opportunity. I ought to me, and sprung out to get at me. have made it, perhaps, but I couldn't azackly"- that was always the substitute for exactly, in Peggotty's militia of words- " bring my mind to it." CHAPTER IV. "Go on, Peggotty," said I, more frightened than before. I FALL INTO DISGRACE. "Master Davy," said Peggotty, untying her bonnet with a shaking hand, and IF the room to which my bed was speaking in a breathless sort of way, removed were a sentient thing that' "what do you think? You have got could give evidence, I might appeal to a pa " it at this day-who sleeps there now, I trembled, and turned white. Some- I wonder!- to bear witnesO-for me what OF DA VID COPPER.FIELD. 25 a heavy heart I carried to it. I went me? What do youmean by:it, Peggotup there, hearing the dog in the yard ty?" bark after me all the way, while I Poor Peggotty lifted up her hands climbed the stairs, and, looking as and eyes, and only answered, in a sort blank and strange upon the room as of paraphrase of the grace I usually rethe room looked upon me, sat down peated after dinner, " Lord forgive you, with my small hands crossed, and Mrs. Copperfield, and for what you have thought. said this minute may you never be I thought of the oddest things. Of truly sorry!" the shape of the room, of the cracks in "It's enough to distract me," cried the ceiling, of the paper on the wall, my mother. "In my honeymoon, too, of the flaws in the window-glass making when my most inveterate enemy might ripples and dimples on the prospect, of relent, one would think, and not envy the washing-stand being ricketty on its me a little peace of mind and happlthree legs, and having a discontented ness. Davy, you naughty boy! Pegsomething about it, which reminded me gotty, you savage creature! 0 dear of Mrs. Gummidge under the influence me!" cried my mother, turning from of the old one. I was crying all the one of us to the other, in her, pettish, time, but, except that I was conscious wilful manner, "what a troublesome of being cold and dejected, I am sure I world this is, when one has the most never thought why I cried. At last in right to expect it to be as agreeable as my desolation I began to consider that possible!" I- was dreadfully in love with little I felt the touch of a hand that I knew Em'ly, and had been torn away from was neither hers nor Peggotty's, and her to come here, where no one seemed slipped to my feet at the bedside. It to want me, or to care about me, half so was Mr. Murdstone's hand, and he kept much as she did. This made such a it on my arm as he said, - very miserable piece of business of it, "What's this? Clara, my love, have that I rolled myself up in a corner of the you forgotten? - Firmness, my dear!" counterpane, and cried myself to sleep. "I am very sorry, Edward," said my I was awoke by somebody saying mother. " I meant to be very good, "Here he is! " and uncovering my hot but I am so uncomfortable." head. My mother and Peggotty had "Indeed!" he answered. "That's come to look for me, and it was one of a bad hearing, so soon, Clara." them who had done it. "I say it's very hard I should be "Davy," said my mother, "what's made so now," returned my mother, the matter?" pouting; " and it is - very hard - is n't I thought it very strange that she it?" thould ask me, and answered, " Noth- He drew her to him, whispered in mig." I turned over on my face, I her ear, and kissed her. I knew as well, recollect, to hide my trembling lip, when I saw my mother's head lean which answered her with greater truth. down upon his shoulder, and her arm "Davy," said my mother. "Davy, touch his neck, - I knew as well that he my child!" could mould her pliant nature into any I dare say no words she could have form he chose, as I know, now, that he uttered would have affected me so did it. much, then, as her calling me her child. "Go you below, my love," said Mr. I hid my tears in the bedclothes, and Murdstone. "David and I will come pressed her from me with my hand, down together. My friend," turning a when she would have raised me up. darkening face on Peggotty, when he "This is your doing, Peggotty, you had watched my mother out, and discruel thing!" said my mother. "I missed her with a nod anda smile, "do have no doubt at all about it. How can you know your mistress's name? " you reconcile it to your conscience, I "She has been my mistress a long wonder, toprejudice my own boy against time, sir," answered Peggotty. "I me, or against anybody who is dear to ought to it." 26 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPEiIENCE "That's true," he answered. "But I comfortable any more, I hope. We thought I heard you, as I came up shall soon improve our youthful hustairs, address her by a name that is not mors." hers. She has taken mine, you know. God help me, I might have been imWill you remember that?" proved for my whole life, I might have Peggotty, with some uneasy glances been made another creature perhaps for at me, courtesied herself out of the room life, by a kind word at that season. A without replying; seeing, I suppose, word of encouragement and explanathat she was expected to go, and had tion, of pity for my childish ignorance, no excuse for remaining. When we of welcome home, of reassurance to mb two were left alone, he shut the door, that it was home, might have made me and sitting on a chair, and holding me dutiful to him in my heart henceforth, standing before him, looked steadily in- instead of in my hypocritical outside, to my eyes. I felt my own attracted, and might have made me respect instead no less steadily, to his. As I recall our of hate him. I thought my mother was being opposed thus, face to face, I seem sorry to see me standing in the room so again to hear my heart beat fast and scared and strange, and that, presently, high. when I stole to a chair, she followed "David," he said, making his lips me with her eyes more sorrowfully still, thin, by pressing them together, "if I -missing, perhaps, some freedom in have an obstinate horse or dog to deal my childish tread, -but the -word was: with, what do you think I do?" not spoken, and the time for it was "I don't know." gone. "I beat him." We dined alone, we three together. I had answered in a kind of breath- He seemed to be very fond of my othless whisper, but I felt, in my silence, er, - I am afraid I liked him none the that my breath was shorter now. better for that, - and she was very fond "I make him wince and smart. I say of him. I gathered from what theyi to myself,' I'11 conquer that fellow'; said, that an elder sister of his was comnand if it were to cost him all the blood ing to stay with them, and that she was he had, I should do it. What is that expected that evening. I am not'cerupon your face?" tamn whether I found out then or after"Dirt," I said. wards, that, without being actively-cOna* He knew it was the mark of tears, as cerned in any business, he had some well as I. But if he had asked the share in, or some annual charge upon question twenty times, each time with the profits of, a wine-merchant's house twenty blows, I believe my baby heart in London, with which his family had would have burst before I would have been connected from: hisi great-grandtold him so. father's time, and in: which:his sister " You have a good deal of intelligence had a similar interest; but I may menfor a little fellow," he said, with a grave tion it in this place, whether or no. smile that belonged to him, "and you After dinner, when we were sitting by understood me very well, I see. Wash the fire, and I was meditating an escape that face, sir, and come down with me." to Peggotty, without having the hardiHe pointed to the washing-stand, hood to slip away, lest it should offend which I had made out to be like Mrs. the master of the house, a coach drove Gummidge, and motioned me with his up to the garden gate, and he went out head to obey him directly. I had little to receive the visitor..My mother foldoubt then, and I have less doubt now, lowed him. I was timidly following that he would have knocked me down her, when she turned round at the parwithout the least compunction, if I had lor door, in the dusk, and taking me in hesitated. her embrace as she had been used to "Clara, my dear," he said, when I do, whispered me to love my new father had done his bidding, and he walked and be obedient to him. She did this me into the parlor, with his hand still hurriedly and secretly, as if it were on my arm, "you will not be made un- wrong, but tenderly.; and, putting out OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 27 her hand behind her, held mine in it, my mother, next morning, and was in until we came near to where he was and out of the store-closet all day, putstanding in the garden, where she let ting things to rights, and making havoc mine go, and drew hers through his in the old arrangements. Almost the arm. first remarkable thing I observed in It was Miss Murdstone who was Miss Murdstone was her being conarrived, and a gloomy-looking lady she stantly haunted by a suspicion that the was; dark, like her brother, whom she servants had a man secreted somewhere greatly resembled in face and voice; on the premises. Under the influence and with very heavy eyebrows, nearly of this delusion, she dived into the meeting over her large nose, as if, being coalcellar at the most untimely hours, disabled by the wrongs of her sex from and scarcely ever opened the door of a wearing whiskers, she had carried them dark cupboard, without clapping it to to that account. She brought with her again, in the belief that she had got two uncompromising hard black boxes, him. with her initials on the lids in hard Though there was nothing very airy brass nails. When she paid the coach- about Miss Murdstone, she was a perman, she took her money out of a hard fect lark in point of getting up. She steel purse, and she kept the purse in a was up (and as I believe to this hour, very jail of a bag, which hung upon her looking for that man) before anybody in arm by a heavy chain, and shut up like the house was stirring. Peggotty gave a bite. I had never, at that time, seen it as her opinion that she even slept such a metallic lady altogether as Miss with one eve open; but I could not Murdstone was. concur in this idea; for I tried it myself She was brought into the parlor with after hearing the suggestion thrown out, many tokens of welcome, and there for- and found it could n't be done. mally recognized my mother as a new On the very first morning after her and near relation. Then she looked at arrival, she was up and ringing her bell me, and said, - at cock-crow. When my mother came "Is that your boy, sister-in-law?" down to breakfast and was going to My mother acknowledged me. make the tea, Miss Murdstone gave Generally speaking," said Miss her a kind of peck on the cheek, which Murdstone," I don't like boys. How was her nearest approach to a kiss, and d' ye do, boy?" said,Under these encouraging circumstan- " Now, Clara, my dear, I am come ces, I replied that I was very well, and here, you know, to relieve you of all the that I hoped she was the same, - with trouble I can. You're much too pretty such an indifferentgrace that Miss Murd- and thoughtless "- my mother blushed stone disposed of me in two words, - but laughed, and seemed not to dislike " Wants manner!" this character-"to have any duties Having uttered which with great dis- imposed upon you that can be undertinctness, she begged the favor of being taken by me. If you'11 be so good as shown to her room, which became to me, give me your keys, my dear, I'11 attend from that time forth, a place of awe and to all this sort of thing in future." dread, wherein the two black boxes From that time Miss Murdstone kept were never seen open or known to be the keys in her own little jail all day, left unlocked, and where (for I peeped and under her pillow all night, and my in once or twice when she was out) mother had no more to do with them numerous little steel fetters and rivets, than I had. with which Miss Murdstone embel- My mother did not suffer her authorlished herself when she was dressed, ity to pass from her without a dsiad of generally hung upon the looking-glass protest. One night when Miss Muidin formidable array. stone had been developing certain As well as I could make out, she had household plans to her brother, of which.come for good, and had no intention of he signified his approbation, my mother ever going again. She began to "help" suddenly began to cry, and said she 28 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE thought she might have been con- with many tears, "I don't want anysuited. body to go. I should be very misera"Clara! " said Mr. Murdstone, ble and unhappy if anybody was to go. sternly. "Clara! I wonder at you." I don't ask much. I am not unreason"O, it's very well to say you wonder, able. I only want to be consulted Edward! " cried my mother, " and it's sometimes. I am very much obliged to very well for you to talk about firmness, anybody who assists me, and I only but you would n't like it yourself." want to be consulted as a mere form, Firmness, I may observe, was the sometimes. I thought you were pleased, grand quality on which both Mr. and once, with my being a little inexperiMiss Murdstone took their stand. enced and girlish, Edward, - I am sure However I might have expressed my you said so, - but you seem to hate me comprehension of it at that time, if I for it now, you are so severe." had been called upon, I nevertheless "Edward," said Miss Murdstone, did clearly comprehend, in my own way, again, " let there be an end of this. I that it was another name for tyranny; go to-morrow." and for a certain gloomy, arrogant, dev- "Jane Murdstone," thundered Mr. il's humor, that was in them both. Murdstone. "Will you be silent? The creed, as I should state it now, was How dare you?" this. Mr. Murdstone was firm; no- Miss Murdstone made a jail-delivery body in his world was to be so firm as of her pocket-handkerchief, and held it Mr. Murdstone, nobody else in his before her eyes. world was to be firm at all, for every- "Clara," he continued, looking at body was to be bent to his firmness. my mother, "you surprise me! You Miss Murdstone was an exception. astound me! Yes; I had a satisfaction She might be firm, but only by relation- in the thought of marrying an inexpeship, and in an inferior and tributary rienced and artless person, and forming degree. My mother was another excep- her character, and infusing into it some tion. She might be firm, and must be; amount of that firmness and decision but only in bearing their firmness, and of which it stood in need. But when firmly believing there was no other firm- Jane Murdstone is kind enough to ness upon earth. come to my assistance in this endeavor, " It's very hard," said my mother, and to assume, for my sake, a condition " that in my own house-" something like a housekeeper's, and " My own house? " repeated Mr. when she meets with a base return -" Murdstone. "Clara!" "0, pray, pray, Edward," cried my "Our own house, I mean," faltered mother, "don't accuse me of being unmy mother, evidently frightened,- "I grateful. I am sure I am not ungratehope you must know what I mean, Ed- ful. No one ever said I was before. ward, - it's very hard that in your own I have many faults, but not that. house I may not have a word to say 0, don't, my dear!" about domestic matters. I am sure I "When Jane Murdstone meets, I managed very well'before we were mar- say," he went on, after waiting until ried. There's evidence," said my my mother was silent, "with a base mother, sobbing: "ask Peggotty if I return, that feeling of mine is chilled didn't do very well when I wasn't in- and altered." terfered with!" "Don't, mylove, say that! " implored "'Edward," said Miss Murdstone, my mother verypiteously. "0, don't, "let there be an end of this. I go to- Edward! I can't bear to hear it. morrow." Whatever I am, I am affectionate. I "Jane Murdstone," said her brother, know I am affectionate. 1 wouldn't "be silent! How dare you to insinuate say it, if I wasn't certain that I am. that you don't know my character better Ask Peggotty. I am sure she'11 tell than your words imply? " you I'm affectionate." "I am sure," my poor mother went "There is no extent of mere weakon, at a grievous disadvantage, and ness, Clara," said Mr. Murdstone in III lj MR. AN MISSMURDSONE AD MRS COPPRFIL D I II~~~ ~ -1~I:ji ~ ii i I~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' I iA' i':~~~ ~~ 7 /~ iIiiii MR. AND MISS MIJRDSTONE AND MRS. COPPERFIELD. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 29 reply, "that can have the least weight Murdstone blood darkened the Murdwith me. You lose breath." stone religion, which was austere and "Pray let us be friends," said my wrathful. I have thought since, that mother. "I couldn't live under cold- its assuming that character was a necesness or unkindness. I am so sorry. sary consequence of Mr. Murdstone's I have a great many defects, I know, firmness, which wouldn't allow him to and it's very good of you, Edward, let anybody off from the utmost weight with your strength of mind, to endeavor of the severest penalties he could find to correct them for me. Jane, I don't any excuse for. Be this as it may, I object to anything. I should be quite well remember the tremendous visages broken-hearted if you thought of leav- with which we used to go to church, ing-" My mother was too much and the changed air of the place. overcome to go on. Again the dreaded Sunday comes "Jane Murdstone," said Mr. Murd- round, and I file into the old pew first, stone to his sister, "any harsh words like a guarded captive brought to a conbetween us are, I hope, uncommon. demned service. Again Miss MurdIt is not my fault that so unusual an stone, in a black velvet gown, that looks occurrence has taken place to-night. as if it had been made out of a pall, folI was betrayed into it by another. Nor lows close upon me; then my mother; is it your fault. You were betrayed then her husband. There is no Peggotinto it by another. Let us both try to ty now, as in the old time. Again I forget it. And as this," he added, after listen to Miss Murdstone mumbling the these magnanimous words, " is not a fit responses, and emphasizing all the dread scene for the boy -David go to bed! " words with a cruel relish. Again I see I could hardly find the door, through her dark eyes roll round the church the tears that stood in my eyes. I was when she says "miserable sinners," as so sorry for my mother's distress; but I if she were calling all the congregation groped my way out, and groped my way names. Again I catch rare glimpses of up to my room in the dark, without my mother, moving her lips timidly even having the heart to say good night between the two, with one of them mutto Peggotty, or to get a candle from tering at each ear like low thunder. her. When her coming up to look for Again I wonder, with a sudden fear, me, an hour or so afterwards, awoke me, whether it is likely that our good old she said that my mother had gone to clergyman can be wrong, and Mr. and bed poorly, and that Mr. and Miss Miss Murdstone right, and that all the Murdstone were sitting alone. angels in heaven can be destroying anGoing down next morning rather gels. Again, if I move a finger or relax earlier than usual, I paused outside the a muscle of my face, Miss Murdstone parlor door, on hearing my mother's pokes me with her prayer-book, and voice. She was very earnestly and makes my side ache. humbly entreating Miss Murdstone's Yes, and again, as we walk home, I pardon, which that lady granted; and a note some neighbors looking at my perfect reconciliation took place. I mother, and at me, and whispering. never knew my mother afterwards to Again, as the three go on, arm-ingive an opinion on any matter, without arm, and I linger behind alone, I follow first appealing to Miss Murdstone, or some of those looks, and wonder if my without having first ascertained, by some mother's step be really not so light as I sure means, what Miss Murdstone's have seen it, and if the gayety of her opinion was; and I never saw Miss beauty be really almost worried away. Murdstone, when out of temper (she was Again I wonder whether any of the infirm that way), move her hand towards neighbors call to mind, as I do, how her bag as if she were going to take out we used to walk home together, she the keys and offer to resign them to my and I; and I wonder stupidly about mother, without seeing that my mother that, all the dreary dismal day. was in a terrible fright. There had been some talk on occaThe gloomy taint that was in the sions of my going to boarding-school. 30 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Mr. and Miss Murdstone had originat- I hand the first book to my mother. ed it, and my mother had of course Perhaps it is a grammar, perhaps a agreed with them. Nothing, however, history, or geography. I take a last was concluded on the subject yet. In the drowning look at the page as I give it mean time I learnt lessons at home. into her hand, and start off aloud at a Shall I ever forget those lessons I racing pace, while I have got it fresh. They were presided over nominally by I trip over a word. Mr. Murdstone my mother, but really by Mr. Murd- looks up. I trip over another word. stone and his sister, who were always Miss Murdstone looks up. I redden, present, and found them a favorable tumble over halfa dozen words, and stop. occasion for giving my mother lessons I think my mother would show me the in that miscalled firmness which was book if she dared, but she does not the bane of both our lives. I believe I dare, and she says, softly, - was kept at home for that purpose. I "O Davy, Davy " had been apt enough to learn, and will- " Now, Clara," says Mr. Murdstone, ing enough, when my mother and I "be firm with the boy. Don't say had lived alone together. I can faint-'0 Davy, Davy!' That's childish. ly remember learning the alphabet at He knows his lesson, or he does not her knee. To this day, when I look know it." upon the fat black letters in the primer, " He does not know it," Miss Murdthe puzzling novelty of their shapes, stone interposes awfully. and the easy good-nature of O and Q " I am really afraid he does not," and S, seem to present themselves says my mother. again before me as they used to do. "Then you see, Clara," returns Miss But they recall no feeling of disgust or Murdstone, "you should just give him reluctance. On the contrary, I seem to the book back, and make him know it." have walked along a path of flowers as "Yes, certainly," says my mother. far as the crocodile-book, and to have "That is what I intend to do, my dear been cheered by the gentleness of my Jane. Now, Davy, try once more, and mother's voice and manner all the way. don't be stupid." But these solemn lessons which succeed- I obey the first clause of the injunced those, I remember as the death- tion by trying once more, but am not blow at my peace, and a grievous daily so successful with the second, for I am drudgery and misery. They were very very stupid. I tumble down before I long, very numerous, very hard, - per- get to the old place, at a point where I fectly unintelligible, some of them, to was all right before, and stop to think. me, - and I was generally as much be- But I can't think about the lesson. I wildered by them as I believe my poor think of the number of yards of net in mother was herself. Miss Murdstone's cap, or of the price Let me remember how it used to be, of Mr. Murdstone's dressing-gown, or and bring one morning back again. any such ridiculous problem that I have I come into the second-best parlor no business with, and don't want to have after breakfast, with my books, and an anything at all to do with. Mr. Murdexercise-book, and a slate. My mother stone makes a movement of impatience, is ready for me at her writing-desk, but which I have been expecting for a long not half so ready as Mr. Murdstone in time. Miss Murdstone does the same. his easy-chair by the window (though My mother glances submissively it he pretends to be reading a book), or them, shuts the book, and lays it by, as as Miss Murdstone, sitting near my an arrear to be worked out when my mother stringing steel beads. The other tasks are done. very sight of these two has such an There is a pile of these arrears very influence over me that I begin to feel soon, and it swells like a rolling snowthe words I have been at infinite pains ball. The bigger it gets, the more stupid to get'into my head all sliding away, I get. The case is so hopeless, and -I and going I don't know where. I feel that I am wallowing in such a bog wonder where they do go, by the by. of nonsense, that I give up all idea of OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 31 getting out, and abandon myself to my of the Murdstones made all children fate. The despairing way in which my out to be a swarm of little vipers (though mother and I look at each other, as I there was a child once set in the blunder on, is truly melancholy. But midst of the Disciples), and held that the greatest effect in these miserable they contaminated one another. lessons is when my mother (thinking The natural result of this treatment, nobody is observing her) tries to give continued, I suppose, for some six me the cue by the motion of her lips. months or more, was to make me sulAt that instant, Miss Murdstone, who len, dull, and dogged. I was not made has been lying in wait for nothing else all the less so, by my sense of being daily along, says, in a deep warning voice, - more and more shut out and alienated "Clara I" from my mother. I believe I should My mother starts, colors, and smiles have been almost stupefied but for one faintly. Mr. Murdstone comes out of circumstance. his chair, takes the book, throws it at It was this. My father had left a me, or boxes my ears with it, and turns small collection of books in a little me out of the room by the shoulders. room up stairs, to which I had access -Even when the lessons are done, the (for it adjoined my own), and which noworst is yet to happen, in the shape of body else in our house ever troubled. an appalling sum. This is invented for From that blessed little room, Roderick me, and delivered to me orally by Mr. Random, Peregrine Pickle, Humphrey Murdstone, and begins, "If I go into a Clinker, Tom Jones, The Vicar of cheesemonger's shop, and buy five Wakefield, Don Quixote, Gil Blas, and thousand double-Gloucester cheeses at Robinson Crusoe came out, a glorious fourpence-halfpenny each, present pay- host, to keep me company. They ment-" at which I see Miss Murd- kept alive my fancy and my hlpe stone secretly overjoyed. I pore over of something beyond that place and these cheeses without any result or en- time, -they, and the Arabian Nights, lightenment until dinner-time; when, and the Tales of the Genii, - and did having made a Mulatto of myself, by get- me no harm; for whatever harm was in ting the dirt of the slate into the pores some of them was not there for me: I of my skin, I have a slice of bread to knew nothing of it. It is astonishing help me out with the cheeses, and am to me now, how I found time, in the considered in disgrace for the rest of midst of my porings and blunderings the evening. over heavier themes, to read those It seems to me, at this distance of books as I did. It is curious to me, time, as if my unfortunate studies gen- how I could ever have consoled myself erally took this course. I could have under my small troubles (which were done very well if I had been without great troubles to me),. by impersonating the Murdstones; but the influence of my favorite characters in them, - as I the Murdstones upon me was like the did, - and by putting Mr. and Miss fascination of two snakes on a wretched Murdstone into all the bad ones, - young bird. Even when I did get which I did too. I have been Tom through the morning with tolerable Jones (a child's Tom Jones, a harmless credit, there was not much gained but creature) for a week together. I have dinner; for Miss Murdstone never could sustained my own idea of Roderick endure to see me untasked, and if I Random for a month at a stretch, I rashly made any show of being unem- verily believe. I had a greedy relish ployed, called her brother's attention to for a few volumes of Voyages and me by saying, "Clara, my dear, there's Travels - I forgot what, now - that nothing like work: give your boy an were on those shelves; and for days and exercise," which caused me to be days I can remember to have gone about clapped down to some new labor there my region of our house, armed with the and then. As to any recreation with centre-piece out of an old set of bootqther children of my age, I had very trees,- the perfect realization of Caplittle of that; for the gloomy theology tain Somebody, of the Royal British 32 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Navy, in danger of being beset by sonally interested in this dialogue, and savages, and resolved to sell his life at sought Mr. Murdstone's eye as it lighta great price. The Captain never lost ed on mine. dignity, from having his ears boxed "Now, David," he said, -and I saw with the Latin Grammar. I did; but that cast again, as he said it,-"you the Captain was a captain and a hero, must be far more careful to-day than in despite of all the grammars of all usual." He gave the cane another the languages in the world, dead or poise, and another switch, and, having alive. finished his preparation of it, laid it This was my only and my constant down beside him, with an expressive comfort. When I think of it, the pic- look, and took up his book. ture always rises in my mind of a sum- This was a good freshener to my mer evening, the boys at play in the presence of mind,'as a beginning. churchyard, and I sitting on my bed, felt the words of my lessons slipping reading as if for life. Every barn in off, not one by one, or line by line, but. the neighborhood, every stone in the by the entire page. I tried to lay hold church, and every foot of the church- of them; but they seemed, if I may so yard, had some association of its own, express it, to have put skates on, and in my mind, connected with these to skim away from me with a smoothbooks, and stood for some locality ness there was no checking. made famous in them. I have seen We began badly, and went on worse. Tom Pipes go climbing up the church- I had come in, with an idea of distinsteeple; I have watched Strap, with the guishing myself rather, conceiving that knapsack on his back, stopping to rest I was very well prepared; but it turned himself upon the wicket-gate; and I out to be quite a mistake. Book after know that Commodore Trunnion held book was added to the heap of failures, that club with Mr. Pickle, in the par- Miss Murdstone being firmly watchful lor of our little village alehouse. of us all the time. And when we came The reader now understands, as well at last to the five thousand cheeses as I do, what I was when I came to (canes he made it that day, I rememthat point of my youthful history to ber), my mother burst out crying. which I am now coming again. "Clara!" said Miss Murdstone, -in One morning when I went into the her warning voice. parlor with my books, I found my "I am not quite well, my dear Jane, mother looking anxious, Miss Murd- I think," said my mother. stone looking firm, and Mr. Murdstone I saw him wink, solemnly, at his sisbinding something round the bottom ter, as he rose and said, taking up the of a cane, -a lithe and limber cane, cane, - which he left off binding when I came "Why, Jane, we can hardly expect in, and poised and switched in the air. Clara to bear, with perfect firmness, "I tell you, Clara," said Mr. Murd- the worry and torment that David has stone, " I have been often flogged my- occasioned her to-day. That would be self." stoical. Clara is greatly strengthened "To be sure; of course," said Miss and improved, but we can hardly expect Murdstone. so much from her. David, you and I "Certainly, my dear Jane," faltered will go up stairs, boy." my mother, meekly. "But -but do As he took me out at the door, my you think it did Edward good?" mother ran towards us. Miss Murd"Do you think it did Edward harm, stone said, "Clara! are you a perfect Clara?" asked Mr. Murdstone, grave- fool?" and interfered. I saw my mothly. er stop her ears then, and I heard her " That's the point " said his sister. crying. To this my mother returned, " Cer- He walked me up to my room slowly tainly, my dear Jane," and said no and gravely, -I am certain he had a more. delight in that formal parade of executI felt apprehensive that I was per- ing justice, -and, when we got there, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 33 suddenly twisted my head under his Long after it was dark I sat there, arm wondering whether anybody else would "Mr. Murdstone! Sir!" I cried to come. When this appeared improbable him. "Don't! Pray don't beat me! for that night, I undressed, and went to I have tried to, learn, sir, but I can't bed; and there I began to wonder learn while you and Miss Murdstone fearfully what would be done to me. are by. I can't, indeed! " Whether it was a criminal act that I had "Can't you, indeed, David?" he committed. Whether I should be tasaid. "We'll try that." ken into custody, and sent to prison. He had my head as in a vice, but Whether I was at all in danger of being I twined round him, somehow, and hanged. stopped him for a moment, entreating I never shall forget the waking, next him not to beat me. It was only for a morning, -the being cheerful and fresh moment that I stopped him, for he cut for the first moment, and then the beme heavily an instant afterwards, and ing weighed down by the stale and disin the same instant I caught the hand mal oppression of remembrance. Miss with which he held me, in my mouth, Murdstone reappeared before I was between my teeth, and bit it through out of bed'; told me, in so many words, It sets my teeth on edge to think of that I was free to walk in the garden it. for half an hour and no longer; and He beat me then, as if he would have retired, leaving the door open, that I beaten me to death. Above all the might avail myself of that permission. noise we made, I heard them running I did so, and did so every morning up the stairs, and crying out. I heard of my imprisonment, which lasted five my mother crying out, and Peggotty. days. If I could have seen my mother Then he was gone; and the door was alone, I should have gone down on my locked outside; and I was lying, fe- knees to her and besought her forgivevered and hot, and torn, and sore, and ness; but I saw no one, Miss Murdstone raging in my puny way, upon the floor. excepted, during the whole time, - exHow well I recollect, when I be- cept at evening prayers in the parlor; to came quiet, what an unnatural stillness which I was escorted by Miss Murdseemed to reign through the whole stone after everybody else was placedhouse! How well I remember, when where I was stationed, a young outlaw, my smart and passion began to cool, all alone by myself near the door; and how wicked I began to feel! whence I was solemnly conducted by I sat listening for a long while, but my jailer, before any one arose from the there was not a sound. I crawled up devotional posture. I only observed that from the floor, and saw my face in the my mother was as far off from me as glass, so swollen, red, and ugly that it she could be, and kept her face another almost frightened me. My stripes were way, so that I never saw it; and that sore and stiff, and made me cry afresh, Mr. Murdstone's hand was bound up when I moved; but they were nothing in a large linen wrapper. to the guilt I felt. It lay heavier on The length of those five days I can my breast than if I had been a most convey no idea of to any one. They atrocious criminal, I dare say. occupy the place of years in my remernIt had begun to grow dark, and I had brance. The way in which I listened to shut the window (I had been lying, for all the incidents of the house that made the most part, with my head upon the themselves audible to me, - the ringing sill, by turns crying, dozing, and look- of bells, the opening and shutting of ing listlessly out), when the key was doors, the murmuring of voices, the turned, and Miss Murdstone came in footsteps on the stairs, - to any laughwith some bread and meat, and milk. ing, whistling, or singing, outside, which These she put down upon the table seemed more dismal than anything else without a word, glaring at me the while to me in my solitude and disgrace, - the with exemplary firmness, and then re- uncertain pace of the hours, especially tired, locking the door after her. at night, when I would wake thinking 3 34 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE it was morning, and find that the family gotty's answer. I was obliged to get were not yet gone to bed, and that all her to repeat it; for she spoke it the the length of night had yet to come,- first time quite down my throat, in conthe depressed dreams and nightmares sequence of my having forgotten to take I had, - the return of day, noon, after- my mouth away from the keyhole and noon, evening, when the boys played in put my ear there; and, though her the churchyard, and I watched them words tickled me a good deal, I did nt from a distance within the room, being hear them. ashamed to show myself at the window " When, Peggotty?" lest they should know I was a prisoner, "To-morrow." - the strange sensation of never hear- " Is that the reason why Miss Murding myself speak,- the fleeting intervals stone took the clothes out of my of something like cheerfulness, which drawers? " which she had done, though came with eating and drinking, and I have forgotten to mention it. went away with it, -the setting in of "Yes," said Peggotty. "Box." rain one evening, with a fresh smell, and " Sha'n't I see mamma? " its coming down faster and faster be- "Yes," said Peggotty. "Morning." tween me and the church, until it and Then Peggotty fitted her mouth close gathering night seemed to quench me to the keyhole, and delivered these words in gloom and fear and remorse, -all through it with as much feeling and earthis appears to have gone round and nestness as a keyhole has ever been the round for years instead of days, it is so medium of communicating, I will venvividly and strongly stamped on my ture to assert, - shooting in each broremembrance. ken little sentence in a convulsive little On the last night of my restraint, I burst of its own. was awakened by hearing my own name "Davy, dear. If I ain't ben azackly spoken in a whisper. I started up in as intimate with you. Lately, as I used bed, and, putting out my arms in the to be. It ain't because I don't love you. dark, said, - Just as well and more, my pretty poppet. "Is that you, Peggotty?" It's because I thought it better for you. There was no immediate answer, but And for some one else besides. Davy, presently I heard my name again, in a my darling, are you listening? Can you tone so very mysterious and awful that hear?" I think I should have gone into a fit, if "Ye-ye-ye-yes, Peggotty!" I it had not occurred to me that it must sobbed. have come through the keyhole. " My own!" said Peggotty, with infiI groped my way to the door, and, nite compassion. "What I want to say putting my own lips to the keyhole, is. That you must never forget me. whispered,- For I'11 never forget you. And I'11 "Is that you, Peggotty, dear?" take as much care of your mamma, Da"Yes, my own precious Davy," she vy. As ever I took of you. And I replied. "Be as soft as a mouse, or won't leave her. The day may come the Cat'll hear us." when she'll be glad to lay her poor I understood this to mean Miss head. On her stupid, cross old PegMurdstone, and was sensible of the gotty's arm again. And I'll write to urgency of the case, -her room be- you, my dear. Though I ain't no ing close by. scholar. And I'11-I'11-" Peggotty "How's mamma, dear Peggotty? Is fell to kissing the keyhole, as she she very angry with me? "could n't kiss me. I could hear Peggotty crying softly " Thank you, dear Peggotty! " said 1. on her side of the keyhole, as I was "0, thank you! Thank you! Will doing on mine, before she answered: you promise me one thing, Peggotty? " No. Not very.'" Will you write and: tell Mr. Peggotty "What is going to be done with me, and little Em'ly and Mrs. Gummidge Peggotty, dear? Do you know?" and Ham, that I am not so bad as the "School. Near London," was Peg- might suppose, and that I Aent'emel1 OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 35 my love, -especially to little Em'ly?' Ready, my dear Jane," returned my Will you, if you please, Peggotty?" mother. "Good by, Davy. You are The kind soul promised, and we both going for your own good. Good by, my of us kissed the keyhole with the great- child. You will come home in the est affection - I patted it with my hand, holidays, and be a better boy." I recollect, as if it had been her honest "Clara! " Miss Murdstone repeatface -and parted. From that night ed. there grew up in my breast a feeling for "Certainly, my dear Jane," replied Peggotty which I cannot very well de- my mother, who was holding me. " I fine. She did not replace my mother, — forgive you, my dear boy. God bless noone could do that, -but she came in- you!" to a vacancy in my heart, which closed "Clara I" Miss Murdstone repeatupon her, and I felt towards her some- ed. thing I have never felt for any other hu- Miss Murdstone was good enough to man being. It was a sort of comical af- take me out to the cart, and to say on fection, too; and yet if she had died, I the way that she hoped I would repent, cannot think what I should have done, before I came to a bad end; and then I or how I should have acted out the got into the cart, and the lazy horse tragedy it would have been to me. walked off with it. In the morning, Miss Murdstone appeared as usual, and told me I was going to school; which was not altogether such news to me as she supposed. She CHAPTER V. also informed me, that, when I was dressed, I was to come down stairs in- I AM SENT AWAY FROM HOME. to the parlor, and have my breakfast. There I found my mother, very pale, WE might have gone about half a and with red eyes: into whose arms I mile, and my pocket-handkerchief was ran, and begged her pardon from my quite wet through, when the carrier suffering soul. stopped short. " 0 Davy I" she said. "That you Looking out to ascertain for what, I could hurt any one I love! Try to be saw, to my amazement, Peggotty burst better; pray to be better! I forgive you; from a hedge and climb into the cart. but I am so grieved, Davy, that you She took me in both her arms, and should have such bad passions in your squeezed me to her stays until the heart." pressure on my nose was extremely They had persuaded her that I was a painful, though I never thought of that'wicked fellow, and she was more sorry till afterwards when I found it very for that than for my going away. I felt tender. Not a single word did Peggotit sorely. I tried to eat my parting break- ty speak. Releasing one of her arms, fast; but my tears dropped upon my she put it down in her pocket to the elbread-and-butter, and trickled into my bow, and brought out some paper bags tea. I saw my mother look at me of cakes which she crammed into my sometimes, and then glance at the pockets, and a purse which she put into watchful Miss Murdstone, and then my hand, but not one word did she say. look down, or look away. After another and a final squeeze with "Master Copperfield's box there?" both arms, she got down from the cart, said Miss Murdstone, when wheels were and ran away; and my belief is, and heard at the gate. has always been, without a solitary butI looked-I:Peggotty, but it was not ton on her gown. I picked up one, of she. Neithet she nor Mr. Murdstone several that were rolling about, and appeared.'ay former acquaintance, the treasured it as a keepsake for a long carrier, was the door. The box was time. taken out t' his cart, and lifted in. The carrier looked at me, as if to in" Clara!" said Miss Murdstone, in quire if she were coming back. I shook her warning note. my head, and said- I thought not. 36 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Then come up," said the carrier to rier (whose name was Mr. Barkis) to the lazy horse, who came up accord- say, - he being, as I observed in a foringly. mer chapter, of a phlegmatic temperaHaving by this time cried as much as ment, and not at all conversational, - I I possibly could, I began to think it was offered him a cake as a mark of attenof no use crying any more, especially as tion, which he ate at one gulp, exactly neither Roderick Random, nor that like an elephant, and which made no Captain in the Royal British Navy had more impression on his big face than ever cried, that I could remember, in it would have done on an elephant's. trying situations. The carrier, seeing "Did she make'em, now?" said Mr. me in this resolution, proposed that my Barkis, always leaning forward, in his pocket-handkerchief should be spread slouching way, on the footboard of the upon the horse's back to dry. rthanked cart with an arm on each knee. him and assented; and particularly "Peggotty, do you mean, sir?" small it looked, under those circum- "Ah!" said Mr. Barkis. "Her." stances. "Yes. She makes all our pastry and I had now leisure to examine the does all our cooking." purse. It was a stiff leather purse, "Do she, though?" said Mr. Barwith a snap, and had three bright shil- kis. lings in it, which Peggotty had evident- He made up his mouth as if to whistle, ly polished up with whitening, for my but he didn't whistle. He sat looking greater delight. But its most precious at the horse's ears, as if he saw somecontents were two half-crowns folded thing new there, and sat so for a contogether in a bit of paper, on which was siderable time. By and by, he said, - written, in my mother's hand, "For "No sweethearts, I b'lieve?" Davy. With my love." I was so over- "Sweetmeats, did you say, Mr. Barcome by this that I asked the carrier kis?" For I thought he wanted someto be so good as reach me my pocket- thing else to eat, and had pointedly handkerchief again, but he said he alluded to that description of refreshthought I had better do without it; ment. and I thought I really had; so I wiped "Hearts," said Mr. Barkis, "sweetmy eyes on my sleeve and stopped my- hearts. No person walks with her?" self. "With Peggotty?" For good, too; though, in conse- "Ah!" he said. "Her." quence of my previous emotions, I was "0, no. She never had a sweetstill occasionally seized with a stormy heart." sob. After we had jogged on for some "Didn't she, though!" said Mr. little time, I asked the carrier if he was Barkis. going all the way. Again he made up his mouth to whis"All the way where?" inquired the tie, and again he didn't whistle, but carrier. sat looking at the horse's ears. "There," I said. "So she makes," said Mr. Barkis, "Where's there?" inquired the car- after a long interval of reflection, "all rier. the apple-parsties, and doos all the cook"Near London," I said. ing, do she?" "Why, that horse," said the carrier, I replied that such was the fact. jerking the rein to point him out, "Well. I'll tell you what," said "would be deader than pork, afore he Mr. Barkis. "P'r'aps you might be got over half the ground." writin' to her?" "Are you only going to Yarmouth, "I shall certainly write to her," I then?" I asked. rejoined. "That's about it," said the carrier. "Ah!" he said, slowly turning his "And there I shall take you to the eyes towards me. "Well! If you was stage-cutch, and the stage-cutch, that'll writin' to her, p'r'aps you'd recollect take you to-wherever it is." to say that Barkis was willin'; would As this was a great deal for' the car- you?" OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 31 "That Barkis is willing," I repeated, " What name?" inquired the lady. innocently. "Is that all the message?" "Copperfield, ma'am," I said. "Ye-es," he said, considering. "That won't do," returned the lady. "Ye-es. Barkis is willin'." "Nobody's dinner is paid for here, in "But you will be at Blunderstone that name." again to-morrow, Mr. Barkis," I said, " Is it Murdstone, ma'am?" I said. faltering a little at the idea of my being "If you're Master Murdstone," said far away from it then, "and could give the lady, "why do you go and give anyour own message so much better." other name, first?" As he repudiated this suggestion, I explained to the lady how it was, however, with a jerk of his head, and who then rang a bell, and called out, once more confirmed his previous re- "William! show the coffee-room!" quest by saying, with profound gravity, upon which a waiter came running out. "Barkis is willin'. That's the mes- of a kitchen on the opposite side of the sage," I readily undertook its trans- yard to show it, and seemed a good mission. While I was waiting for the deal surprised when he found he was coach in the hotel at Yarmouth that only to show'it to me. very afternoon, I procured a sheet of It was a large long room with some paper and an inkstand, and wrote a large maps in it. I doubt if I could note to Peggotty which ran thus: " My have felt much stranger if the maps had dear Peggotty. I have come here safe. been real foreign countries, and I cast Barkis is willing. My love to mamma. away in the middle of them. I felt it Yours affectionately. P. S. He says he was taking a liberty to sit down, with my particularly wants you to know —Bar- cap in my hand, on the corner of the his is willing." chair nearest the door; and when the When I had taken this commission waiter laid a cloth on purpose for me, on myself prospectively, Mr. Barkis and put a set of castors on it, I think I relapsed into perfect silence; and I, must have turned red all over with' feeling quite worn out by all that had modesty. happened lately, lay down on a sack in He brought me some chops, and vege. the cart and fell asleep. I slept sound- tables, and took the covers off in such ly until we got to Yarmouth; which was a bouncing manner that I was afraid I so entirely new and strange to me in must have given him some offence. the inn-yard to which we drove, that I But he greatly relieved my mind by at once abandoned a latent hope I had putting a chair for me at the table, and had of meeting with some of Mr. Peg- saying very affably, "Now, six-foot ~ gotty's family there, -perhaps even come on!" with little Em'ly herself. I thanked him, and took my seat atthe The coach was in the yard, shining board, but found it extremely difficult very much all over, but without any to handle my knife and fork with anyhorses to it as yet; and it looked in thing like dexterity, or to avoid splashthat state as if nothing was more un- ing myself with the gravy, while he likely than its ever going to London. was standing opposite, staring so I was thinking this, and wondering hard, and making me blush in the what would ultimately become of my most dreadful manner every time I box, which Mr. Barkis had put down caught his eye. After watching me on the yard-pavement by the pole into the second chop he said,(he having driven up the yard to "There's half a pint of ale for you. turn his cart), and also what would Will you have it now?" ultimately become of me, when a lady I thanked him and said, "Yes." looked out of a bow-window where Upon which he poured it out of a jug some fowls and joints of meat were into a large tumbler, and held it up hanging up, and said, - against the light, and made it look "Is that the little gentleman from beautiful. Blunderstone?" "My eye!" he said. "It seems a "Yes, ma'am," I said. good deal, don't it?" 38 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "It does seem a good deal," I an- claimed, "I didn't know they were swered with a smile. For it was quite chops. Why, a chop's the very thing delightful to me to find him so pleasant. to take off the bad effects of that beer I le was a twinkling-eyed, pimple- Ain't it lucky?" faced man, with his hair standing up- So he took a chop by the bone in one right all over his head; and as he stood hand, and a potato in the other, and with one arm akimbo, holding up the ate away with a very good appetite, to glass to the light with the other hand, my extreme satisfaction. He afterhe looked quite friendly. wards took another chop, and another "There was a gentleman here yester- potato; and after that another chop and day," he said,-"a stout gentleman, another potato. When we had done, by the name of Topsawyer, -perhaps he brought me a pudding, and, having you know him?" set it before me, seemed to ruminate, "No," I said, "I don't think-" and to become absent in his mind for "In breeches and gaiters, broad- some moments. brimmed hat, gray coat, speckled "How's the pie?" he said, rousing choker," said the waiter. himself. " No," I said, bashfully; " I have n't " It's a pudding," I made answer. the pleasure -" "Pudding!" he exclaimed. "Why, " He came in here," said the waiter, bless me, so it is! What! " looking looking at the light through the tum- at it nearer. "You don't mean to say bler, "ordered a glass of this ale- it's a batter-pudding!" would order it - I told him not - drank "Yes, it is indeed." it, and fell dead. It was too old for "Why, a batter-pudding," he said, him. It oughtn't to be drawn, that's taking up a tablespoon, "is my favorthe fact." ite pudding! Ain't that lucky? Come I was very much shocked to hear of on, little'un, and let's see who'11 get this melancholy accident, and said I most." thought I had better have some The waiter certainly got most. He water. entreated me more than once to come "Why, you see," said the waiter, in and win; but, what with his tablestill looking at the light through the spoon to my teaspoon, his despatch to tumbler, with one of his eyes shut up, my despatch, and his appetite to my "our people don't like things being appetite, I was left far behind at the ordered and left. It offends'em. But first mouthful, and had no chance with I'll drink it, if you like. I'm used to him. I never saw any one enjoy a it, and use is everything. I don't pudding so much, I think; and he think it'11 hurt me, if I throw my laughed, when it was all gone, as if his head back, and take it off quick. enjoyment of it lasted still. Shall I?" Finding him so very friendly and I replied that he would much oblige companionable, it was then that I asked me by drinking it, if he thought he for the pen and ink and paper, to write could do it safely, but by no means to Peggotty. He not only brought it otherwise. When he did throw his immediately, but was good enough to head back, and take it off quick, I had look over me while I wrote the letter. a horrible fear, I confess, of seeing him When I had finished it, he asked me meet the fate of the lamented Mr. where I was going to school. Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the car- I said, " Near London," which was pet. But it didn't hurt him. On the all I knew. contrary, I thought he seemed the "0, my eye I " he said, looking very fresher for it. low-spirited, " I am sorry for that." "What have we got here?" he said, " Why?" I asked him. putting a fork into my dish. "Not "0 Lord!" le said, shaking his chops?" head, "that's the school where they "Chops," I said. broke the boy's ribs-two ribs-a "Lord bless my soull" he ex- little boy he was. I should say he was OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 39 -.let me see- how old are you, It was a little disconcerting to me to about?" find, when I was being helped up beI told him between eight and nine. hind the coach, that I was supposed to "That's just his age," he said. "He have eaten all the dinner without any was eight years and six months old assistance. I disovered this, from when they broke his first rib; eight overhearing the lady in the bow-winyears and eight months old when they dow say to the guard, " Take care of roke his second, and did for him." that child, George, or he'll burst!" I could not disguise from myself, or and from observing that the womenfrom the waiter, that this was an un- servants who were about the place came comfortable coincidence, and inquired out to look and giggle at me as a young how it was done. His answer was not phenomenon. My unfortunate friend cheering to my spirits; for it consisted of the waiter, who had quite recovered his two dismal words, -" With whopping." spirits, did not appear to be disturbed The blowing of the coach-horn in the by this, but joined in the general admiyard was a seasonable diversion, which ration without being at all confused. If made me get up and hesitatingly in- I had any doubt of him, I suppose this quire, in the mingled pride and diffi- half-awakened it; but I am inclined to dence of having a purse (which I took believe that, with the simple confidence out of my pocket), if there were any- of a child, and the natural reliance of thing to pay. a child upon superior years (qualities " There's a sheet of letter-paper," he I am very sorry any children should returned. " Did you ever buy a sheet prematurely change for worldly wisdom), of letter-paper?" I had no serious mistrust of him on I could not remember that I ever the whole, even then. had. I felt it rather hard, I must own, to "It's dear," he said, "on account of be made, without deserving it, the subthe duty. Threepence. That's the ject of jokes between the coachman and way we are taxed in this country. guard as to the coach drawing heavy There's nothing else, except the waiter. behind, on account of my sitting there, Never mind the ink. I lose by that." and as to the greater expediency of my "What should you —what should I travelling by wagon. The story of my - how much ought I to- what would supposed appetite getting wind among it be right to pay the waiter, if you the outside passengers, they were merry please?" I stammered, blushing. upon it likewise, and asked me whether " If I had n't a family, and that fam- I was going to be paid for, at school, as ily hadn't the cow-pock," said the two brothers or three, and whether I was waiter, "I wouldn't take a sixpence. contracted for, or went upon the regular If I did n't support a aged pairint, and terms; with other pleasant questions. a lovely sister,"- here the waiter was But the worst of it was, that I knew I greatly agitated, -" I would n't take a should be ashamed to eat anything, farthing. If I had a good place, and when an opportunity offered, and that, was treated well here, I should beg after a rather light dinner, I should reacceptance of a trifle instead of taking main hungry all night; for I had left of it. But I live on broken wittles- my cakes behind, at the hotel, in my and I sleep on the coals,"-here the hurry. My apprehensions were realized. waiter burst into tears. When we stopped for supper, I could n't I was very much concerned for his muster courage to take any, though I misfortunes, and felt that any recogni- should have liked it very much, but sat tion short of ninepence would be mere by the fire and said I did n't want anybrutality and hardness of heart. There- thing. This did not save me from more fore I gave him one of my three bright jokes, either; for a husky-voiced gentleshillings, which he received with much man with a rough face, who had been humility and veneration, and spun up eating out of a sandwich-box nearly all with his thumb, directly afterwards, to the way, except when he had been drinktry the goodness of. ing out of a bottle, said I was like a 40 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE boa-constrictor who took enough at one At last the sun tose,,and then my meal to last him a long time; after which companions seemed to sleep easier, he actually brought a rash out upon him- The difficulties under which they had self with boiled beef. labored all night, and which had found We had started from Yarmouth at utterance in the most terrific gasps and three o'clock in the afternoon, and we snorts, are not to be conceived. As were due in London about eight next the sun got higher, their sleep became morning. It was midsummer weather, lighter, and so they gradually one by and the evening was very pleasant. When one awoke. I recollect being very much we passed through a village, I pictured surprised by the feint everybody made, to myself what the insides of the houses then, of not having been to sleep at all, were like, and what the inhabitants were and by the uncommon indignation with about; and when boys came running which every one repelled the charge. I after us, and got up behind and swung labor under the same kind of astonishthere for a little way, I wondered wheth- ment to this day, having invariably ober their fathers were alive, and whether served, that, of all human weaknesses, they were happy at home. I had plen- the one to which our common nature is ty to think of, therefore, besides my the least disposed to confess (I cannot mind running continually on the kind imagine why) is the weakness of having of place I was going to, — which was gone to sleep in a coach. an awful speculation. Sometimes, I re- What an amazing place London was member, I resigned myself to thoughts to me when I saw it in the distance, and of home and Peggotty; and to endeav- how I believed all the adventures of all oring, in a confused, blind way, to recall my favorite heroes to be constantly.enhow I had felt, and what sort of boy I acting and re-enacting there, and how used to be, before I bit Mr. Murdstone; I vaguely made it out in my own mind which I couldn't satisfy myself about to be fuller of wonders and wickedby any means, I seemed to have bitten ness than all the cities of the earth, I him in such a remote antiquity. need not stop here to relate. We apThe night was not so pleasant as the proached it by degrees, and got, in due evening, for it got chilly; and being put time, to the inn in the Whitechapel between two gentlemen (the rough- district, for which we were bound. I faced one and another) to prevent my forget whether it was the Blue Bull or tumbling off the coach, I was nearly the Blue Boar; but I know it was the smothered by their falling asleep, and Blue Something, and that its likeness completely blocking me up. They was painted upon the back of the squeezed me so hard, sometimes, that coach. I could not help crying out, " 0, if you The guard's eye lighted on me as he please! "- which they did n't like at was getting down, and he said at the all, because it woke them. Opposite booking-office door, - me was an elderly lady in a great fur "Is there anybody here for a yoongcloak, who looked in the dark more like ster booked in the name of Murdstone, a haystack than a lady, she was wrapped from Bloonderstone, Sooffolk, to be left up to such a degree. This lady had a till called for? " basket with her, and she hadn't known Nobody answered. what to do with it for a long time, until " Try Copperfield, if you please, sir," she found that, on account of my legs said I, looking helplessly down. being short, it could go underneath me. "Is there anybody here for a yoongIt cramped and hurt me so that it made ster, booked in the name of Murdstone, me perfectly miserable; but if I moved in from Bloonderstone, Sooffolk, but ownthe least, and made a glass that was in ing to the name of Copperfield, to be the basket rattle against something else lef till called for?" said the guard. (as it was sure to do), she gave me the "Come! Is there anybody?" cruellest poke with her foot, and said, No. There was nobody. I looked " Come, don't you fidget. Your bones anxiously around; but the inquiry made are young enough, I'm sure 1 " no impression on any of the bystanders, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 4I if I except a man in gaiters, with one and offered myself to go for a soldier, eye, who suggested that they had better or a sailor, I was such a little fellow put a brass collar round my neck, and that it was' most likely they wouldn't tie me up in the stable. take me in. These thoughts, and a A ladder was brought, and I got hundred other such thoughts, turned down after the lady who was like a me burning hot, and made me giddy haystack; not daring to stir, until her with apprehension and dismay. I was basket was removed. The coach was in the height of my fever when a man clear of passengers by that time, the entered and whispered to the clerk, who luggage was very soon cleared out, the presently slanted me off the scale, and horses had been taken out before the pushed me over to him, as if I were luggage, and now the coach itself was weighed, bought, delivered, and paid wheeled and backed off by some hos- for. tlers, out of the way. Still, nobody ap- As I went out of the office, hand in peared, to claim the dusty youngster hand with this new acquaintance, I from Blunderstone, Suffolk. stole a look at him. He was a gaunt, More solitary than Robinson Crusoe, sallow young man, with hollow cheeks, who had nobody to look at him, and and a chin almost as black as Mr. see that he was solitary, I went into the Murdstone's; but there the likeness booking-office, and, by invitation of the ended, for his whiskers were shaved off, clerk on duty, passed behind the coun- and his hair, instead of being glossy, ter, and sat down on the scale at which was rusty and dry. He was dressed in they weighed the luggage. Here, as I a suit of black clothes, which were rather sat looking at the parcels, packages, and rusty and dry too, and rather short in books, and inhaling the smell of stables the sleeves and legs; and he had a (ever since associated with that mom- white neckerchief on, that was not ing), a procession of most tremendous over-clean. I did not, and do not, supconsiderations began to march through pose that this neckerchief was all the my mind. Supposing nobody should linen he wore, but it was all he showed ever fetch me, how long would they or gave any hint of. consent to keep me there? Would they " You're the new boy? " he said. keep me long enough to spend seven "Yes, sir," I said. shillings? Should I sleep at night in I supposed I was. I did n't know. one of those wooden bins, with the " I'm one of the masters at Salem other luggage, and wash myself at the House," he said. pump in the yard in the morning; or I made him a bow and felt very much should I be turned out every night, and overawed. I was so ashamed to allude expected to come again to be left till to a commonplace thing like my box called for, when the office opened next to a scholar and a master at Salem day? Supposing there was no mistake House, that we had gone some little in the case, and Mr. Murdstone had distance from the yard, before I had the devised this plan to get rid of me, what hardihood to mention it. We turned should I do? If they allowed me to back on my humbly insinuating that it remain there until my seven shillings might be useful to me hereafter; and he were spent, I could n't hope to remain told the clerk that the carrier had in-. there when I began to starve. That structions to call for it at noon. would obviously be inconvenient and "If you please, sir," I said, when we unpleasant to the customers, besides had accomplished about the same disentailing on the Blue Whatever-it-was tance as before, "is it far?" the risk of funeral expenses. If I start- " It's down by Blackheath," he said. ed off at once, and tried to walk back "Is that far, sir?" I diffidently home, how could I ever find my way, asked. how could I ever hope to walk so far, "It's a good step," he said. "We how could I make sure of any one but shall go by the stage-coach. It's about Peggotty, even if I got back? If I six miles." found out the nearest proper authorities, I was so faint and tired that the idea 42 PERSONAL HIS TOR Y AND EXPERIENCE of holding out for six miles more was man's breakfast for him, if you please?" too much for me. I took heart to tell said the master at Salem House. him that I had had nothing all night, "Can I?" said the old woman. and that, if he would allow me to buy "Yes, can I, sure " something to eat, I should be very "How's Mrs. Fibbitson to-day>?" much obliged to him. He appeared said the master, looking at another old surprised at this, - I see him stop and woman in a large chair by the fire, who look at me now, - and, after considering was such a bundle of clothes that I feel for a few moments, said he wanted to grateful to this hour for not having sat call on an old person who lived not far upon her by mistake. off, and that the best way would be for "Ah, she's poorly," said the first old me to buy some bread, or whatever I woman. " It's one of her bad days. liked best that was wholesome, and If the fire was to go out, through make my breakfast at her house, where any accident, I verily believe she'd we could get some milk. go out too, and never come to life Accordingly we looked in at abaker's again." window, and after I had made a series As they looked at her, I looked at her of proposals to buy everything that was also. Although it was a warm day, she bilious in the shop, and he had rejected seemed to think of nothing but the fire. them one by one, we decided in favor I fancied she was jealous even of the of a nice little loaf of brown bread, saucepan on it; and I have reason to which cost me threepence. Then, at a know that she took its impressment into grocer's shop, we bought an egg and a the service of boiling my egg and broilslice of streaky bacon; which still left ing my bacon in dudgeon; for I saw what I thought a good deal of change, her, with my own discomfited eyes, out of the second of the bright shillings, shake her fist at me once, when those and made me consider London a very culinary operations were going on, and cheap place. These provisions laid in, no one else was looking. The si we went on through a great noise and streamed in at the little window, bitt uproar that confused my weary head she sat with her own back and the back beyond description, and over a bridge, of the large chair towards it, screening which, no doubt, was London Bridge the fire as if she were sedulously keep(indeed I think he told me so, but I ing it warm, instead of it keeping her was half asleep), until we came to the warm, and watching it in a most dispoor person's house, which was a part trustful manner. The completion of of some almshouses, as I knew by the preparations for my breakfast, by their look, and by an inscription on a relieving the fire, gave her such extreme stone over the gate, which said they joy that she laughed aloud; and a were established for twenty-five poor very unmelodious laugh she had, I women, must say. The master at Salem House lifted the I sat down to my brown loaf, my egg, latch of one of a number of little black and my rasher of bacon, with a basin of doors that were all alike, and had each milk besides, and made a most delicious a little diamond-paned window on one meal. Whilel was yet in the full enside, and another little diamond-paned joyment of it, the old woman of the window above; and we went into the lit- house said to the master, - tie house of one of these poor old women, "Have you got your flute with who was blowing a fire to make a little you? " saucepan boil. On seeing the master "Yes," he returned. enter, the old woman stopped with the " Have a blow at it," said the old bellows on her knee, and said some- woman, coaxingly. " Do!" thing that I thought sounded like " My The master, upon this, put his hand Charley!" but on seeing me come in underneath the skirts of his coat, and too, she got up, and, rubbing her hands, brought out his flute in three pieces, made a confused sort of half-courtesy. which he screwed together, and began "Can you cook this young gentle- immediately to play. My impresszm OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 43 is, after many years of consideration, which, I am persuaded, she gave the that there never can have been anybody credit of the whole performance. in the world who played worse. He When I seemed to have been dozing made the most dismal sounds I have a long while, the master at Salem ever heard produced by any means, House unscrewed his flute into the three natural or artificial. I don't know what pieces, put them up as before, and took the tunes were, - if there were such me away. We found the coach very things in the performance at all, which near at hand, and got upon the roof; I doubt, -but the influence of the strain but I was so dead sleepy that, when we upon me was, first, to make me think of stopped on the road to take up someallmy sorrows until I could hardly keep body else, they put me inside where;my tears back; then to take away my there were no passengers, and where I appetite; and lastly to make me so slept profoundly, until I found the coach sleepy that I couldn't keep my eyes going at a footpace up a steep hill open. They begin to close again, and among green leaves. Presently, it I begin to nod, as the recollection rises stopped, and had come to its destinafresh upon me. Once more the little tion. room with its open corner-cupboard, and A short walk brought us-I mean its square-backed chairs, and its angular the master and me -to Salem House, little staircase leading to the room above, which was enclosed with a high brick and its three peacock's feathers displayed wall, and looked very dull. Over a over the mantel-piece, - I remember door in this wall was a board with SAwondering, when I first went in, what LEM HOUSE upon it; and through a that peacock would have thought if he grating in this door we were surveyed, had known what his finery was doomed when we rang the bell, by a surly face, to come to, - fades from before me, and which I found, on the door being I nod, and sleep. The flute becomes opened, belonged to a stout man with a inaudible, the wheels of the coach are bull-neck, a wooden leg, overhanging heard instead, and I am on my journey. temples, and his hair cut close all round The coach jolts, I wake with a start, his head. and the flute has come back again, and "The new boy," said the master. he master at Salem House is sitting The man with the wooden leg eyed:;ivth his legs crossed, playing it dole- me all over, - it did n't take long, for filly, while the old woman of the house there was not much of me, - and locked looks on delighted. She fades in her the gate behind us, and took out the turn, and he fades, and all fades, and key. We were going up to the house, there is no flute, no master, no Salem among some dark heavy trees, when he House, no David Copperfield, no any- called after my conductor. thing but heavy sleep. " Hallo! " I dreamed, I thought, that once, while We looked back, and he was standhe was blowing into this dismal flute, ing at the door of a little lodge, where the old woman of the house, who had he lived, with a pair of boots in his gone nearer and nearer to him in her hand. ecstatic admiration, leaned over the "Here! The cobbler's been," he back of his chair and gave him an affec- said, "since you've been out, Mr. tionate squeeze round the neck, which Mell, and he says he can't mend'em stopped his playing for a moment. I any more. He says there ain't a bit of was in the middle state between sleep- the original boot left, and he wonders ing and waking, either then or immedi- you expect it." ately afterwards; for, as he resumed, - With these words he threw the boots it was a real fact that he had stopped towards Mr. Mell, who went back a few playing, - I saw and heard the same old paces to pick them up, and looked'at woman ask Mrs. Fibbitson if it was n't them (very disconsolately, I was afraid) delicious (meaning the flute), to which as we went on together. I observed Mrs. Fibbitson replied, "Ay, ay I then, for the first time, that the boots Yes l" and nodded at the fire, to he had on were a good deal the worse 44 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE for wear, and that his stocking was just with anxious eyes, I could see nothing: breaking out in one place, like a bud. of him. I was still engaged in peering Salem House was a square brick about, when Mr. Mell came back, and. building with wings; of a bare and un- asked me what I did up there. furnished appearance. All about it was " I beg your pardon, sir," says I; "if so very quiet that I said to Mr. Mell I you please, I'm looking for the dog." supposed the boys were out; but he "Dog?" says he, "What dog?" seemed surprised at my not knowing "Is n't it a dog, sir?" that it was holiday-time; that all the " Is n't what a dog? " boys were at their several homes; that " That's to be taken care of, sir; that Mr. Creakle, the proprietor, was down bites." by the seaside with Mrs. and Miss " No, Copperfield," says he, gravely; Creakle; and that I was sent in holi- "that's not a dog. That's a boy. My day-time as a punishment for my mis- instructions are, Copperfield, to put this doing, -all of which he explained to placard on your back. I am sorry to me as we went along. make such a beginning with you, but I gazed upon the school-room into I must do it." which he took me, as the most forlorn With that he took me down, and tied and desolate place I had ever seen. I the placard, which was neatlyconstructed see it now. A long room, with three for the purpose, on my shoulders like a long rows of desks, and six of forms, knapsack; and wherever I went, afterand bristling all round with pegs for wards, I had the consolation of carrying hats and slates. Scraps of old copy- it. books and exercises litter the dirty floor. What I suffered from that placard, noSome silkworms' houses, made of the body can imagine. Whether it was possame materials, are scattered over the sible for people to see me or not, I desks. Two miserable little white mice, always fancied that somebody was readleft behind by their owner, are running ing it. It was no relief to turn round up and down in a fusty castle made of and find nobody; for wherever my back pasteboard and wire, looking in all the was, there I imagined somebody always corners with their red eyes for any- to be. That cruel man with the wooden thing to eat. A bird, in a cage very leg aggravated my sufferings. He was little bigger than himself, makes a in authority; and if he ever saw me leanmournful rattle now and then in hop- ing against a tree, or a wall, or the ping on his perch, two inches high, or house, he roared out from his lodgedropping from it, but neither sings nor door, in a stupendous voice, " Hallo, chirps. There is a strange unwholesome you, sir! You Copperfield I Show that smell upon the room, like mildewed cor- badge conspicuous, or I'11 report you! " duroys, sweet apples wanting air, and The playground was a bare gravelled rotten books. There could not well be yard, open to all the back of the house more ink splashed about it, if it had been and the offices, - and I knew that the roofless from its first construction, and servants read it, and the butcher read the skies had rained, snowed, hailed, it, and the baker read it; jthat everyand blown ink through the varying body, in a word, who came backwards seasons of the year. - and forwards to the house, of a mornMr. Mell, having left me while he took ing when I was ordered to walk there, his irreparable boots up stairs, I went read that I was to be taken care of, softly to the upper end of the room, ob- for I bit. I recollect that I positively serving all this as I crept along. Sud- began to have a dread of myself as a denly I came upon a pasteboard pla- kind of wild boy who did-bite. card, beautifully written, which was ly- There was an old door in this playing on the desk, and bore these words, ground, on which the boys had a custom -" Take care of him. He bites." of carving their names. It was comI got upon the desk immediately, ap- pletely covered with such inscriptions. prehensive of at least a great dog under- In my dread of the end of the vacaneath. But, though I looked all round tion and their coming back, I could OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 45 not read a boy's name, without inquir- deal tables,, and smelling of fat. Then, ing in what tone and with what em- we had more tasks until tea, which Mr. phasis he would read, "Take care of Mell drank out of a blue teacup, and I him. He bites." There was one boy, out of a tin pot. All day long, and -a certain J. Steerforth, - who cut his until seven or eight in the evening, Mr. name very deep and very often, who, I Mell, at his own detached desk m the conceived, would read it in a rather school-room, worked hard with pen, ink,strong voice, and afterwards pull my ruler, books, and writing-paper, making hair. There was another boy, one out the bills (as I found) for last halfTommy Traddles, who I dreaded would year. When he had put up his things make game of it, and pretend to be for the night, he took out his flute, and dreadfully frightened of me. There blew at it, until I almost thought he was a third, George Demple, who I would gradually blow his whole being fancied would sing it. I have looked, into the large hole at the top, and ooze a little shrinking creature, at that door, away at the keys. until the owners of all the names - there I picture my small self in the dimlywere five-and-forty of them in the school lighted rooms, sitting with my head then, Mr. Mell said-seemed to send upon my hand, listening to the doleful me to Coventry by general acclamation, performance of Mr. Mell, and conning and to cry out, each in his own way, to-morrow's lessons. I picture myself "'Take care of him. He bites!" with my books shut up, still listening to It was the same with the places at the doleful performance of Mr. Mell, the desks and forms. It was the same and listening through it to what used to with the groves of deserted bedsteads be at home, and to the blowing of the I peeped at, on my way to, and when wind on Yarmouth flats, and feeling. I was in, my own bed. I remember very sad and solitary. I picture myself dreaming, night after night, of being going up to bed, among the unused with my mother as she used to be, or rooms, and sitting on my bedside cryof going to a party at Mr. Peggotty's, ing for a comfortable word from Pegor of travelling outside the stage-coach, gotty. I picture myself coming down or of dining again with my unfortunate stairs in the morning, and looking friend, the waiter, and in all these cir- through a long ghastly gash of a staircumstances making people scream and case window, at the school-bell hanging stare, by the unhappy disclosure that on the top of an out-house, with a I had nothing on but my little night- weathercock above it; and dreading. shirt and that placard. the time when it shall ring J. SteerIn the monotony of my life, and in forth and the rest to work, —which is my constant apprehension of the re- only second, in my foreboding appreopening of the school, it was such an hensions, to the time when the man insupportable affliction! I had long with the wooden leg shall unlock thetasks every day to do with Mr. Mell; rusty gate, to give admission to the but I did them, there being no Mr. and awful Mr. Creakle. I cannot think I Miss Murdstone here, and got through was a very dangerous character in any them without disgrace. Before and of these aspects, but in all of them I after them, I walked about - super- carried the same warning on my back. vised, as I have mentioned, by the man Mr. Mell never said much to me, but with the wooden leg. How vividly I he was never harsh to me. I suppose call to mind the damp about the house, we were company to each other, withthe green cracked flag-stones in the out talking. I forgot to mention that court, an old leaky water-butt, and the he would talk to himself sometimes, discolored trunks of some of the grim and grin, and clench his fist, and grind trees, which seemed to have dripped his teeth, and pull his hair in an unacmore in the rain than other trees, and countable manner. But he had these to have'blown less in the sun! At one peculiarities; and at first they frightwe dined, Mr. Mell and I, at the upper ened me, though I soon got used to end of a long, bare dining-room, full of them. +6 PERSONAL HISTORY AN D EXPERIENCE CHAPTER VI. face. was fiery, and his eyes were smalls and deep in his head. He had thick I ENLARGE MY CIRCLE OF ACQUAINT- veins in his forehead, a little nose, and ANCE. a large chin. He was bald on the top of his head, and had some thin wetI HAD led this life about a month, looking hair that was just turning grey; when the man with the wooden leg brushed across each temple, so that the began to stump about with a mop and two sides interlaced on his forehead, a bucket of water, from which I inferred But the circumstance about him which that preparations were making to receive impressed me most was, that he had Mr. Creakle and the boys. I was not no voice, but spoke in a whisper. The mistaken; for the mop came into the exertion this cost him, or the consciousschool-room before long, and turned out ness of talking in that feeble way, made Mr. Mell and me, who lived where we hs angry face so much more angry, could, and got on how we could, for and his thick veins so much thicker; some days, during which we were al- when he spoke, that I am not surprised, ways in the way of two or three young on looking back, at this peculiarity women, who had rarely shown them- striking me as his chief one. selves before, and were so continually "Now," said Mr. Creakle. "What' in the midst of dust that I sneezed the report of this boy?" almost as much as if Salem House had "There's nothing against him yet," -been a great snuff-box. returned the man with the wooden leg. One day I was informed by Mr. Mell, "There has been no opportunity." that Mr. Creakle would be home that I thought Mr. Creakle was disapevening. In the evening, after tea, I pointed. I thought Mrs. and Miss heard that he was come. Before bed- Creakle (at whom I now glanced for time, I was fetched by the man with the first time, and-who were both thin the wooden leg to appear before him. and quiet) were not disappointed. Mr. Creakle's part of the house was " Come here, sir!" said Mr. Creakle, a good deal more comfortable than ours, beckoning to me. and he had a snug bit of garden that "Come here " said the man with looked pleasant after the dusty play- the wooden leg, repeating the gesground, which was such a desert in ture. miniature that I thought no one but a "I have the happiness of knowing camel, or a dromedary, could have felt your father-in-law," whispered Mr. at home in it. It seemed to me a bold Creakle, taking me by the ear; " and a thing even to take notice that the pas- worthy man he is, and a man of a strong sage looked comfortable, as I went on character. He knows me, and I know my way trembling to Mr. Creakle's him. Doyoz knowme? Hey?" said presence; which so abashed me, when Mr. Creakle, pinching my ear with I was ushered into it, that I hardly saw ferocious playfulness. Mrs. Creakle or Miss Creakle (who " Not yet, sir," I said, flinching with were both there in the parlor), or any- the pain. thing but Mr. Creakle, a stout gentle- "Not yet? Hey?" repeated Mr. man with a bunch of watch-chain and Creakle. "But you will soon. Hey?" seals, in an arm-chair, with a tumbler "You will soon. Hey?" repeated and bottle beside him. the man with the wooden leg. I after"So!" said Mr. Creakle. "This is wards found that he generally acted, the young gentleman whose teeth are to with his strong voice, as Mr. Creakle's be filed! Turn him round." interpreter to the boys. The wooden-legged man turned me I was very much frightened, and said, about so as to exhibit the placard, and, I hoped so, if he pleased. I felt, all having afforded time for a full survey this while, as if my ear were blazing, he of it, turned me about again, with my pinched it so hard. face to Mr. Creakle, and posted himself "I'1 tell you what I am," whispered at Mr. Creakle's side. Mr. Creakle's Mr. Creakle, letting it go at lat, with OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 47 a screw at patting that brought the pursued, I went to bed, as it was time, water into my eyes. "I'm a Tartar." and lay quaking for a couple of hours. "A Tartar,"' said the man EWith the Next morning Mr. Sharp came back. wooden leg. Mr. Sharp was the first master, and "When I say I'11 do a thing, I do it," superior to Mr. Mell. Mr. Mell took said Mr. Creakle; " and when I say I his meals with the boys, but Mr. Sharp will have a thing done, I will have it dined and supped at Mr. Creakle's done." table. He was a limp, delicate-looking " Will have a thing done, I will have gentleman, I thought, with a good deal it done," repeated the man with the of nose, and a way of carrying his head wooden leg. on one side, as if it were a little too " I am a determined character," said heavy for him. His hair was very Mr. Creakle. "That's what I am. I smooth and wavy; but I was informed do my duty. That's what I do. My by the very first boy who came back flesh and blood,"-he looked at Mrs. that it was a wig (a second-hand one he Creakle as he said this, - " when it rises said), and that Mr. Sharp went out every against me, is not my flesh and blood. Saturday afternoon to get it curled. I discard it. Has that fellow," to the It was no other than Tommy Tradman with the wooden leg, "been here dies who gave me this piece of intelliagain?" gence. He was the first boy who "No," was the answer. returned. He introduced himself by "No," said Mr. Creakle. "He informing me that I should find his knows better. He knows me. Let him name on the right-hand corner of the keep away. I say let him keep away," gate, over the top bolt; upon that I said Mr. Creakle, striking his hand said, "Traddles?" to which he replied, upon the table, and looking at Mrs. "The same," and then he asked me for;Creakle, "for he knows me. Now you a full account of myself and family. have begun to know me too, my young It was a happy circumstance -for me friend, and you may go. Take him that Traddles came back first. He enaway." joyed my placard so much that he I was very glad to be ordered away; saved me from the embarrassment of for Mrs. and Miss Creakle were both either disclosure or concealment, by wiping their eyes, and I felt as uncom- presenting me to every other boy who fortable for them as I did for myself. came back, great or small, immediately B3ut I had a petition on my mind which on his arrival, in this form of introducconcerned me so nearly that I could n't tion,- " Look here! Here's a game! " help saying, though I wondered at my Happily, too, the greater part of the own courage, - boys came back low-spirited, and were " If you please, sir-" not so boisterous at my expense as I Mr. Creakle whispered, "Hah? What had expected. Some of them certainly's this?" and bent his eyes upon me, did dance about me like wild Indians; as if he would have burnt me up with and the greater part could not resist them. the temptation of pretending that I was "If you please, sir," I faltered, "if I a dog, and patting. and smoothing me, might be allowed (I am very sorry lest I should bite, and saying, "Lie indeed, sir, for what I did) to take down, sir!" and calling me Towzer. this writing off, before the boys come This was naturally confusing, among so back-" many strangers, and cost me some tears, Whether Mr. Creakle was in earnest, but on the whole it was much better or whether he only did it to frighten me, than I had anticipated. I don't know, but he made a burst out I was not considered as being forof his chair, before which I precipitately mally received into the school, however, retreated, without waiting for the escort until J. Steerforth arrived. Before this of the man with the wooden leg, and boy, who was reputed to be a great never once stopped until I reached my scholar, and was verygood-looking, and own bedroomi, where, finding I was not at least half a dozen years my senior, I 48 PPERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE was carried as before a magistrate. He two half-crowns, though I had pret inquired, under ashed in the playground, served the piece of paper they were into the particulars of my punishment, wrapped in, which was a precious savand was pleased to express his opinion ing. When we went up stairs to bed, that it was " a jolly shame "; for which he produced the whole seven shillings' I became bound to him ever afterwards. worth, and laid it out on my bed in the "What money have you got, Copper- moonlight, saying, - field?" he said, walking aside with me "There you are, young Copperfield, when he had disposed of my affair in and a royal spread you've got!" these terms. I could n't think of doing the honors I told him seven shillings. of the feast, at my time of life, while he "You had better give it to me to take was by. My hand shook at the very care of," he said. "At least, you can thought of it. I begged him to do me if you like. You need n't if you don't the favor of presiding; and my request like." being seconded by the other boys who I hastened to comply with his friend- were in that room, he acceded to it, and ly suggestion, and, opening Peggotty's sat upon my pillow, handing round the purse, turned it upside down into his viands -with perfect fairness, I must hand. say —and dispensing the currant wine "Do you want to spend anything in a little glass without a foot, which now?" he asked me. was his own property. As to me, I sat "No, thank you," I replied. on his left hand; and the rest were "You can, if you like, you know," grouped about us, on the nearest beds said Steerforth. "Say the word." and on the floor. " No, thank you, sir," I repeated. How well I recollect our sitting there, " Perhaps you'd like to spend a cou- talking in whispers; or their talking, ple of shillings, or so, in a bottle of cur- and my respectfully listening, I ought rant wine by and by, up in the bed- rather to say; the moonlight falling a room?" said Steerforth. "You belong little way into the room, through the to my bedroom, I find." window, painting a pale window on the It certainly had not occurred to me floor, and the greater part of us in before, but I said, Yes, I should like shadow, except whenr Steerforth dipped that. a match into a phosphorus-box, when "Very good," said Steerforth. "You he wanted to look for anything on the'11 be glad to spend another shilling or board, and shed a blue glare over us so in almond cakes, I dare say?" that was gone directly! A certain mysI said, Yes, I should like that, too. terious feeling, consequent on the dark"And another shilling or so in bis- ness, the secrecy of the revel, and the cuits, and another in fruit, eh?" said whisper in which everything was said, Steerforth. " I say, young Copperfield, steals over me again, and I listen to all you're going it!" they tell me, with a vague feeling of I smiled, because he smiled; but I solemnity and awe, which makes me was a little troubled in my mind, too. glad that they are all so near, and fright" Well!" said Steerforth. " We must ens me (though I feign to laugh) when make it stretch as far as we can; that's Traddles pretends to see a ghost in the all. I'11 do the best in my power for corer. you. I can go out when I like, and I heard all kinds of things about the I'1 smuggle the prog in." With these school and all belonging to it. I heard words he put the money in his pocket, that Mr. Creakle had not preferred his and kindly told me not to make myself claim to being a Tartar without reason; uneasy: he would take care it should that he was the sternest and most sebe all right. vere of masters; that he laid about He was as good as his word, if that him,. right and left, every day of his life, were all right which I had a secret mis- charging in among the boys like a giving was nearly all wrong,-for I trooper, and slashing away, unmercifeared it was a waste of my mother's fully. That he knew nothing hinself, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 49 but the art of slashing, being more ig- I heard that Mr. Sharp and Mr. Mell norant (J. Steerforth said) than the were both supposed to be wretchedly lowest boy in the school; that he had paid; and that when there was hot and been, a good many years ago, a small cold meat for dinner at Mr. Creakle's tahop-dealer in the Borough, and had ble, Mr. Sharp was always expected to taken to the schooling business after say he preferred cold; which was again being bankrupt in hops, and making corroborated by J. Steerforth, the only away with Mrs. Creakle's money; parlor-boarder. I heard that Mr. Sharp's with a good deal more of that sort, wig did n't fit him; and that he need n't which I wondered how they knew. be so " bounceable " -somebody else I heard that the man with the wood- said " bumptious " - about it, because en leg, whose name was Tungay, was his own red hair was very plainly to be an obstinate barbarian who had formerly seen behind. assisted in the hop business, but had I heard that one boy, who was a coalcome into the scholastic line with Mr. merchant's son, came as a set-offagainst Creakle, in consequence, as was sup- the coal-bill, and was called on that posed among the boys, of his having account "Exchange or Barter," - a broken his leg in Mr. Creakle's ser- name selected from the arithmetic-book vice, and having done a deal of dishon- as expressing this arrangement. I heard est work for him, and knowing his se- that the table-beer was a robbery of crets. I heard that, with the single parents, and the pudding an imposition. exception of Mr. Creakle, Tungay con- I heard that Miss Creakle was regarded sidered the whole establishment, mas- by the school in general as being in love ters and boys, as his natural enemies, with Steerforth; and I am sure, as I sat and that the only delight of his life in the dark, thinking of his nice voice, was to be sour and malicious. I heard and his fine face, and his easy manner, that Mr. Creakle had a son, who had and his curling hair, I thought it very not been Tungay's friend, and who, as- likely. I heard that Mr. Mell was not sisting in the school, had once held a bad sort of fellow, but had n't a sixsome remonstrance with his father on pence to bless himself with; and that an occasion when its discipline was very there was no doubt that old Mrs. Mell, cruelly exercised, and was supposed, his mother, was as poor as Job. I besides, to have protested against his thought of my breakfast then, and what father's usage of his mother. I heard had sounded like " My Charley!" but that Mr. Creakle had turned him out of I was, I am glad to remember, as mute doors, in consequence; and that Mrs. as a mouse about it. and Miss Creakle had been in a sad The hearing of all this, and a good way, ever since. deal more, outlasted the banquet some But the greatest wonder that I heard time. The greater part of the guests of Mr. Creakle was, there being one had gone to bed as soon as the eating boy in the school on whom he never ven- and drinking were over; and we, who tured to lay a hand, and that boy being had remained whispering and listening J. Steerforth. Steerforth himself con- half undressed, at last betook ourselves firmed this when it was stated, and said to bed too. that he should like to begin to see him "Good night, young Copperfield," do it. On being asked by a mild boy said Steerforth; "I'1I take care of (not me) how he would proceed if he you." did begin to see him do it, he dipped a "You're very kind," I gratefully rematch into his phosphorus-box on pur- turned. " I am very much obliged to pose to shed a glare over his reply, and you." said he would commence with knocking "You have n't got a sister, have him down with a blow on the forehead you?" said Steerforth, yawning. from the seven-and-six-penny ink-bottle "No," I answered. that was always on the mantel-piece. "That's a pity," said Steerforth. We sat in the dark for some time, "If you had had one, I should think breathless. she would have been a pretty, timid, 4 50 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE little, bright-eyed sort of girl. I should Was it a double tooth, hey? Had it have liked to know her. Good night, a deep prong, hey? Did it bite, hey? young Copperfield." Did it bite? At every question he gave "Good night, sir," I replied. me a fleshy cut with it that made me I thought of him very much after I writhe; so I was very soon made free went to bed, and raised myself, I recol- of Salem House (as Steerforth said), lect, to look at him where he lay in and very soon in tears also. the moonlight, with his handsome face Not that I mean to say these were turned up, and his head reclining easily special marks-of distinction, which only on his arm. He was a person of great I received. On the contrary, a large power in my eyes: that was of course majority of the boys (especially the the reason of my mind running on him. smaller ones) were visited with similar No veiled future dimly glanced upon instances of notice, as Mr. Creakle him in the moonbeams. There was no made the round of the school-room. shadowy picture of his footsteps in the Half the establishment was writhing garden that I dreamed of walking in all and crying, before the day's work benight. gan; and how much of it had writhed and cried before the day's work was over I am really afraid to recollect, CHAPTER VII. lest I should seem to exaggerate. I should think there never can have MY " FIRST HALF " AT SALEM HOUSE. been a man who enjoyed his profession more than Mr. Creakle did. He had a SCHOOL began in earnest next day. delight in cutting at the boys, which A profound impression was made upon was like the satisfaction of a craving me, I remember, by the roar of voces appetite. I am confident that he in the school-room suddenly becoming could n't resist a chubby boy, especialhushed as death when Mr. Creakle ly, - that there was a fascination in such entered after breakfast, and stood in a subject, which made him restless in the doorway looking round upon us, like his mind, until he had scored and a giant in a story-book surveying his marked him for the day. I was chubby captives. myself, and ought to know. I am sure Tungay stood at Mr. Creakle's elbow. when I think of the fellow now, my He had no occasion, I thought, to cry blood rises against him with the disinout "Silence!" so ferociously, for the terested indignation I should feel if I boys were all struck speechless and could have known all about him withoutmotionless. having ever been in his power; but it Mr. Creakle was seen to speak, and rises hotly, because I know him to have Tungay was heard, to this effect. been an incapable brute, who had no "Now, boys, this is a new half more right to be possessed of the great Take care what you're about, in this trust he held than to be Lord High new half. Come fresh up to the les- Admiral, or Commander-in-chief: in sons, I advise you, for I come fresh up either of which capacities it is probable to the punishment. I won't flinch. It that he would have done infinitely less will be of no use your rubbing your- mischief. selves; you won't rub the marks out Miserable little propitiators of a rethat I shall give you. Now get to morseless idol, how abject we were to work, every boy!" him! What a launch in life I think it When this dreadful exordium was now, on looking back, to be so mean over, and Tungay had stumped out and servile to a man of such parts and again, Mr. Creakle came to where I pretensions! sat, and told me that if I were famous Here I sit at the desk again, watchfor biting, he was famous for biting, too. ing his eye, - humbly watching his eye, He then showed me the cane, and as he rules a ciphering-book for another asked me what I thought of that, for a victim whose hands have just been tooth? Was it a sharp tooth, hey? flattened by that identical ruler, and OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 51 who is trying to wipe the, sting out ball. I shudder at this moment with with a pocket-handkerchief. I have the tremendous sensation of seeing it plenty to do. I don't watch his eye in done, and feeling that the ball has idleness, but because I am morbidly bounded on, to Mr. Creakle's sacred attracted to it, in a dread desire to head. know what he will do next, and whether Poor Traddles! In a tight sky-blue it will be my turn to suffer, or some- suit that made his arms and legs like body else's. A lane of small boys German sausages, or roly-poly pudbeyond me, with the same interest in dings, he was the merriest and most his eye, watch it too. I think he knows miserable of all the boys. He was a4it, though he pretends he don't. He ways being caned, -I think he was makes dreadful mouths as he rules the caned every day that half-year, except ciphering-book; and now he throws his one holiday Monday when he was only eye sideways down our lane, and we all ruler'd on both hands, - and was always droop over our books and tremble. going to write to his uncle about it, and A moment afterwards we are again never did. After laying his head on eying him. An unhappy culprit, found the desk for a little while, he woild guilty of imperfect exercise, approaches cheer up somehow, begin to laugh at his command. The culprit falters again, and draw skeletons all over his excuses, and professes a determination slate, before his eyes were dry. I used to do better to-morrow. Mr. Creakle at first to wonder what comfort Tradcuts a joke before he beats him, and we dies found in drawing skeletons, and laugh at it, - miserable little dogs, we for some time looked upon him as a laugh, with our visages as white as sort of hermit, who reminded himsel ashes, and our hearts sinking into our by those symbols of mortality, that canboots. ing couldn't last forever. But I beHere I sit at the desk again, on a lieve he only did it because they were drowsy summer afternoon. A buzz and easy, and did n't want any features. hum go up around me, as if the boys He was very honorable, Traddles were so many bluebottles. A cloggy was, and held it as a solemn duty in sensation of the lukewarm fat of meat is the boys to stand by one another.'He upon me (we dined an hour or two ago), suffered for this on several occasions, and my head is as heavy as so much and particularly once, when Steerforth lead. I would give the world to go to laughed in church, and the beadle sleep. I sit with my eye on Mr. Crea- thought it was Traddles, and took him kle, blinking at him like a young owl; out. I see him now, going away in when sleep overpowers me for a min- custody, despised by the congregation. ute, he still looms through my slumber, He never said who was the real offendruling those ciphering-books; until he er, though he smarted for it next day, softly comes behind me and wakes me and was imprisoned so many hours that to plainer perception of him, with a red he came forth with a whole churchyardridge across my back. ful of skeletons swarming all over his Here I am in the playground, with Latin Dictionary. But he had his remy eye still fascinated by him, though ward. Steerforth said there was nothI can't see him. The window, at a ing of the sneak in Traddles, and we little distance from which I know he is all felt that to be the highest praise. having his dinner, stands for him, and For my part, I could have gone through I eye that instead. If he shows his a good deal (though I was much less face near it, mine assumes an imploring brave than Traddles, and nothing like and submissive expression. If he looks so old) to have won such a recompense. out through the glass, the boldest boy To see Steerforth walk to church be(Steerforth excepted) stops in the mid- fore us, arm-in-arm with Miss Creakle, dle of a shout or yell, and becomes con- was one of the great sights of my life. templative. One day, Traddles (the I didn't think Miss Creakle equal to most unfortunate boy in the world) little Em'ly in point of beauty, and I breaks that window accidentally with a did n't love her (I did n't dare); but I S5 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE thought her a young lady of extraordi- tell.'em to me. I can't get to sleep vety nary attractions, and in point of gentil- early at night, and I generally wake ity not to be surpassed. When Steer- rather early in the morning. We'll go forth, in white trousers, carried her over'em one after another. We'll parasol for her, I felt proud to know make some regular Arabian Nights of him, and believed that she could not it." choose but adore him with all her I felt extremely flattered by this arheart. Mr. Sharp and Mr. Mell were rangement, and we commenced carryboth notable personages in my eyes; ing it into execution that very evening. but Steerforth was to them what the What ravages I committed on my sun was to two stars. favorite authors in the course of my inSteerforth continued his protection terpretation of them, I am not in a conof me, and proved a very useful friend; dition to say, and should be very unsince nobody dared to annoy one whom willing to know; but I had a profound he honored with his countenance. He faith in them, and I had, to the best of could n't -or at all events he didn't- my belief, a simple, earnest manner of defend me from Mr. Creakle, who was narrating what I did narrate; atd these very severe with me; but whenever I qualities went a long way. had been treated worse than usual, he The drawback was, that I was often always told me that I wanted a little of sleepy at night, or out of spirits and inhis pluck, and that he would n't have disposed to resume the story; and then stood it himself; which I felt he in- it was rather hard work, and it must be tended for encouragement, and consid- done; for to disappoint or displease ered to be very kind of him. There Steerforth was of course out of the was one advantage, and only one that I question. In the morning too, when I know of, in Mr. Creakle's severity. felt weary, and should have enjoyed anHe found my placard in his way when other hour's repose very much, it was he came up or down behind the form on a tiresome thing to be roused, like the which I sat, and wanted to make a cut Sultana Scheherazade, and forced into at me in passing. For this reason it was a long story before the getting-up bell soon taken off, and I saw it no more. rang; but Steerforth was resolute; and An accidental circumstance cemented as he explained to me, in return, my the intimacy between Steerforth and sums and exercises, and anything in my me, in a manner that inspired me with tasks that was too hard for me, I was no great pride and satisfaction, though it loser by the transaction. Let me do sometimes led to inconvenience. It myself justice, however. I was moved happened on one occasion, when he by no interested or selfish motive, nor was doing me the honor of talking to was I moved by fear of him. I adme in the playground, that I hazarded mired and loved him, and his approval the observation that something or some- was return enough. It was so precious body- I forget what now-was like to me, that I look back on these trifles, something or somebody in Peregrine now, with an aching heart. Pickle. He said nothing at the time, Steerforth was considerate too; and but when I was going to bed at night, showed his consideration, in one parasked me if I had got that book. ticular instance, in an unflinching manI told him no, and explained how it ner that was a little tantalizing, I suswas that I had read it, and all those pect, to poor Traddles and the rest, other books of which I have made men- Peggotty's promised letter - what a tion..comfortable letter it was!- arrived be"And do you recollect them? " Steer- fore " the half" was many weeks old; forth said. and with it a cake in a perfect nest of 0 yes, I replied; I had a good mem- oranges, and two bottles of cowslip ory, and I believed I recollected them wine. This treasure, as in duty bound, very well. I laid at the feet of Steerforth, and "Then I tell you what, young Cop- begged him to dispense. perfield," said Steerforth, "you shall "Now, I'11 tell you what, young OF DA VID COPPERFIELD.. M Copperfield," said he: "the wine shall and in that respect the pursuit may not be kept to wet your whistle when you have been very profitable to me. But are story-telling." the being cherished as a kind of playI blushed at the idea, and begged thing in my room, and the consciousness himn, in my modesty, not to think of it. that this accomplishment of mine was But he said he had observed I was bruited about among the boys, and sometimes hoarse,- a little roopy was attracted a good deal of notice to me his exact expression, - and it should be, though I was the youngest there, every drop, devoted to the purpose he stimulated me to exertion. In a school had mentioned. Accordingly, it was carried on by sheer cruelty, whether it locked up in his box, and drawn off by is presided over by a dunce or not, himself in a phial, and administered to there is not likely to be much learnt. me through a piece of quill in the cork, I believe our boys were, generally, as when I was supposed to be in want of ignorant a set as any school-boys in exa restorative. Sometimes, to make it a istence. They were too much troubled more sovereign specific, he was so kind and knocked about to learn; they as to squeeze orange-juice into it, or to could no more do that to advantage stir it up with ginger, or dissolve a pep- than any one can do anything to advanpermint drop in it; and although I can- tage in a life of constant misfortune, not assert that the flavor was improved torment, and worry. But my little vanby these experiments, or that it was ity, and Steerforth's help, urged me on exactly the compound one would have somehow, and, without saving me from chosen for a stomachic, the last thing at much, if anything, in the way of punishnight and the first thing in the morning, ment, made me, for the time I was I drank it gratefully, and was very sen- there, an exception to the general body, sible of his attention. insomuch that I did steadily pick up We seem to me to have been months some crumbs of knowledge. over Peregrine, and months more over In this I was much assisted by Mr. the other stories. The institution never Mell, who had a liking for me that I flagged for want of a story, I am cer- am grateful to remember. It always tain; and the wine lasted out almost as gave me pain to observe that Steerwell as the matter. Poor Traddles —I forth treated him with systematic disnever think of that boy but with a paragement, and seldom lost an occastrange disposition to laugh, and with sion of wounding his feelings, or intears in my eyes - was a sort of chorus, ducing others to do so. This troubled in general, and affected to be convulsed me the more for a long time, because I with mirth at the comic parts, and to had soon told Steerforth, from whom -I be overcome with fear when there was could no more keep such a secret than any passage of an alarming character I could keep a cake or any other tangiin the narrative. This rather put me ble possession, about the two old women out, very often. It was a great jest of Mr. Mell had taken me to see; and I his, I recollect, to pretend that he was always afraid that Steerforth would could n't keep his teeth from chattering, let it out, and twit him with it. whenever mention was made of an We little thought, any one of us, I Alguazil in connection with the adven- dare say, when I ate my breakfast that tures of Gil Blas; and I remember first morning, and went to sleep under when Gil Blas met the captain of the the shadow of the peacock's feathers to robbers in Madrid, this unlucky joker the sound of the flute, what consequencounterfeited such an ague of terror ces would come of the introduction into that he was overheard by Mr. Creakle, those almshouses of my insignificant who was prowling about the passage, person. But the visit had its unforeseen and handsomely flogged for disorderly consequences, and of a serious sort, too, conduct in the bedroom. in their way. Whatever I had within me that was One day when Mr. Creakle kept the romantic and dreamy was encouraged house from in&isposiion, whnih nataby so much story-telling in the dark; rally diffused a lively joy through the 54 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE school, there was a good deal of noise It was my book that he struck his in the course of the morning's work. desk with; and as I stood beside him, The great relief and satisfaction experi- following his eye as it glanced round the enced by the boys made them difficult room, I saw the boys all stop, some sudto manage; and though the dreaded denly surprised, some half afraid, anid Tungay brought his wooden leg in some sorry perhaps. twice or thrice, and took notes of the Steerforth's place was at the bottom principal offenders' names, no great of the school, at the opposite end of the impression was made'by it, as they long room. He was lounging with his were pretty sure of getting into trouble' back against the wall, and his hands in to-morrow, do what they would, and his pockets, and looked at Mr. Mell thought it wise, no doubt, to enjoy with his mouth shut up as if he were themselves to-day. whistling, when Mr. Mell looked at It was properly a half-holiday; be- him. ing Saturday. But as the noise in the " Silence, Mr. Steerforth! " said Mr. playground would have disturbed Mr. Mell. Creakle, and the weather was not "Silence, yourself," said Steerforth, favorable for going out walking, we turning red. "Whom are you talking were ordered into school in the after- to?" noon, and set some lighter tasks than "Sit down," said Mr. Mell. usual, which were made for the occa- "Sit down, yourself," said Steerforth, sion. It was the day of the week on "and mind your business." which Mr. Sharp went out to get his There was a titter, and some apwig curled; so Mr. Mell, who always plause; but Mr. Mell was so white did the drudgery, whatever it was, kept that silence immediately succeeded; school by himself. and one boy, who had darted out beIf I could associate the idea of a bull hind him to imitate his mother again, or a bear with any one so mild as Mr. changed his mind, and pretended to Mell, I should think of him, in connec- want a pen mended. tion with that afternoon when the uproar "If you think, Steerforth," said Mr. was at its height, as of one of those ani- Mell, " that I am not acquainted with mals, baited by a thousand dogs. I re- the power you can establish over any call him bending his aching head, sup- mind here,"-he laid his hand, withported on his bony hand, over the book out considering what he did (as I supon his desk, and wretchedly endeavor- osed), upon my head,-" or that I ing to get on with his tiresome work, have not observed you, within a few amidst an uproar that might have made minutes, urging your juniors on to the Speaker of the House of Commons every sort of outrage against me, you giddy. Boys started in and out of their are mistaken." places, playing at puss-in-the-corner "I don't give myself the trouble of with other boys; there were laughing thinking at all about you," said Steerboys, singing boys, talking boys, dan- forth, coolly; "so I am not mistaken, cing boys, howling boys; boys shuffled as it happens." with their feet, boys whirled about him, "And when you make use of your pogrinning, making faces, mimicking him sition of favoritism here, sir," pursued behind his back and before his eyes, Mr. Mell, with his lip trembling very -mimicking his poverty, his boots, his much, " to insult a gentleman - coat, his mother, everything belonging "A what?-where is he?" said to him that they should have had con- Steerforth: sideration for. Here somebody cried out, " Shame, "Silence! " cried Mr. Mell, sudden- J. Steerforth! Too bad!" It was ly rising up, and striking his desk with Traddles, whom Mr. Mell instantly the book. "What does this mean! discomfited by bidding him hold his It's impossible to bear it. It's mad- tongue. dening. How can you do it to me, "-To insult one who is not fortunate boys?" in life, sir, and who never gave you the OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 55 least offence, and the many reasons for "Now, sir, as he don't condescend to not insulting whom you are old enough tell me, what is this? " and wise enough to understand," said Steerforth evaded the question for a Mr. Mell, with his lip trembling more little while, looking in scorn and anger and more, "you commit a mean and on his opponent, and remaining silent. base action. You can sit down or stand I could not help thinking even in that up as you please, sir. Copperfield, go interval, I remember, what a noble felon." low he was in appearance, and how "Young Copperfield, "said Steerforth, homely and plain Mr. Mell looked opcoming forward up the room, " stop a bit. posed to him. I tell you what, Mr. Mell, once for all. "What did he mean by talking about When you take the liberty of calling me favorites, then!" said Steerforth at mean or base, or anything of that sort, length. you are an impudent beggar. You are " Favorites?" repeated Mr. Creakle, always a beggar, you know; but when with the veins in his forehead swelling you do that, you are an impudent beg- quickly. " Who talked about favorgar." ites?" I am not clearwhether he was going to " He did," said Steerforth. strike Mr. Mell, or Mr. Mell was going "And pray, what did you mean by to strike him, or there was any such in- that, sir?" demanded Mr. Creakle, turntention on either side. I saw a rigidity ing angrily on his assistant. come upon the whole school as if they "I meant, Mr. Creakle," he returned had been turned into stone, and found in a low voice, " as I said, - that no puMr. Creakle in the midst of us, with pil had a right to avail himself of his poTungay at his side, and Mrs. and Miss sition of favoritism to degrade me." Creakle looking in at the door as if they "To degrade you?" said Mr. Creakle. were frightened. Mr. Mell, with his el- "My stars! But give me leave to ask bows on his desk and his face in his you, Mr. What's-your-name," and here hands, sat for some moments, quite Mr. Creakle folded his arms, cane and still. all, upon his chest, and made such "Mr. Mell," said Mr. Creakle, shak- a knot of his brows that his little ing him by the arm, - and his whisper eyes were hardly visible below them, was so audible now, that Tungay felt it "whether, when you talk about favorunnecessary to repeat his words, - "you ites, you showed proper respect to me? have not forgotten yourself, I hope?" To me, sir," said Mr. Creakle, darting. "No, sir, no," returned the master, his head at him suddenly, and drawing showing his face, and shaking his head, it back again, "the principal of this esand rubbing his hands in great agita- tablishment, and your employer." tion. "It was not judicious, sir, I am will" No, sir. No. I have remembered ing to admit," said Mr. Mell. "I myself, I - no, Mr. Creakle, I have not should not have done so, if I had been forgotten myself, I - I have remem- cool." bered myself, sir. I - I- could wish Here Sfeerforth struck in. you had remembered me a little sooner, " Then he said I was mean, and then Mr. Creakle. It- it-would have been he said I was base, and then I called him more kind, sir, more just, sir. It would a beggar. If I had been cool, perhaps have saved me something, sir." I shouldn't have called him a beggar. Mr. Creakle, looking hard at Mr. But I did, and I am ready to take the Mell, put his hand on Tungay's shoul- consequences of it." der, and got his feet upon the form Without considering, perhaps, whethclose by, and sat upon the desk. After er there were any consequences to be still looking hard at Mr. Mell from this taken, I felt quite in a glow at this galthrone, as he shook his head, and rubbed lant speech. It made an impression on his hands, and remained in the same the boys, too, for there was a low stir state of agitation, Mr. Creakle turned among them, though no one spoke a. to Steerforth, and said,- word. 56 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " I am surprised, Steerforth, although "Why, you know not," said Mr. your candor does you honor," said Creakle. "Don't you, man?" Mr. Creakle,-" does you honor, cer- "I apprehend you never supposed tainly,- I am surprised, Steerforth, I my worldly circumstances to be very must say, that you should attach such an good," replied the assistant. "You epithet to any person employed and know what my position is, and always paid in Salem House, sir." has been, here." Steerforth gave a short laugh. " I apprehend, if you come to that," "That's not an answer, sir," said said Mr. Creakle, with his veins swellMr. Creakle, "to my remark. I ex- ing again bigger than ever, "that pect more than that from you, Steer- you've been in a wrong position altoforth." gether, and mistook this for a charity If Mr. Mell looked homely, in my school. Mr. Mell, we'll part if you eyes, before the handsome boy, it would please. The sooner the better." be quite impossible to say how homely "There is no time," answered Mr. Mr. Creakle looked. Mell, rising, "like the present." " Let him deny it," said Steerforth. "Sir, to you! " said Mr. Creakle. "Deny that he is a beggar, Steer- "I take my leave of you, Mr. Creakle, forth?" cried Mr. Creakle. "Why, and of all of you," said Mr. Mell, glanwhere does he go a begging? " cing round the room, and again patting "If he is not a beggar himself, his me gently on the shoulder. "James near relation's one," said Steerforth. Steerforth, the best wish I can leave " It's all the same." you is, that you may come to be He glanced at me, and Mr. Mell's ashamed of what you have done tohand gently patted me upon the shoul- day. At present I would prefer to see der. I looked up with a flush upon my you anything rather than a friend to face and remorse in my heart, but Mr. me, or to any one in whom I feel an Mell's eyes were fixed on Steerforth. interest." He continued to pat me kindly on the Once more he laid his hand upon my shoulder, but he looked at him. shoulder; and then, taking his flute and "Since you expect me, Mr. Creakle, a few books from his desk, and leaving to justify myself," said Steerforth, "and the key in it for his successor, he went to say what I mean, - what I have to out of the school, with his property unsay is, that his mother lives on charity der his arm. Mr. Creakle then made a in an almshouse." speech, through Tungay, in which he Mr. Mell still looked at him, and thanked Steerforth for asserting (though still patted me kindly on the shoulder, perhaps too warmly) the independence and said to himself, in a whisper, if I and respectability of Salem House; and heard right, " Yes, I thought so." which he wound up by skaking hands Mr. Creakle turned to his assistant, with Steerforth, while we gave three. with a severe frown and labored polite- cheers, - I did not quite know what fbr, ness:- but I supposed for Steerforth, and so "Now you hear what this gentle- joined in them ardently, though I felt man says, Mr. Mell. Have the good- miserable. Mr. Creakle then caned ness, if you please, to set him right be- Tommy Traddles for being discovered fore the assembled school." in tears, instead of cheers, on account " He is right, sir, without correction," of Mr. Mell's departure, and went back returned Mr. Mell, in the midst of a to his sofa or his bed, or wherever he dead silence. "What he has said is had come from. true." We were left to ourselves now, and " Be so good then as declare publicly, looked very blank, I recollect, on one willyou," said Mr. Creakle, putting his another. For myself, I felt so much head on one side, and rolling his eyes self-reproach and contrition for my part round the school, "whether it ever came in what had happened that nothing to my knowledge until this moment." would have enabled me to keep back " I believe not directly," he returned. my tears but the fear that Steerforth, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 57 who often looked at me, I saw, might master was found. The new master think it unfriendly, - or, I should rather came from a grammar-school, and, besay, considering our relative ages, and fore he entered on his duties, dined in the feeling with which I regarded him, the parlor one day to be introduced to undutiful, - if I showed the emotion Steerforth. Steerforth approved of him which- distressed me. He was very highly, and told us he was a Brick. angry with Traddles, and said he was Without exactly understanding what glad he had caught it. learned'distinction was meant by this, Poor Traddles, who had passed the I respected him greatly for it, and had stage of lying with his head upon the no doubt whatever of his superior knowldesk, and was relieving himself as usual edge; though he never took the pains with a burst of skeletons, said he didn't with me —not that I was anybody — care. Mr. Mell was ill used. that Mr. Mell had taken. "Who has ill used him, you girl?" There was only one other event in said Steerforth. this half-year, out of the daily school"Why, you have," returned Trad- life, that made an impression on me dies. which still survives. It survives for'What have I done?" said Steer- many reasons. forth. One afternoon, when we were all "What have you done?" retorted harassed into a state of dire confusion, Traddles. "Hurt his feelings and lost and Mr. Creakle was laying about him him his situation." dreadfully, Tungay came in, and called " His feelings! " repeated Steerforth, out in his usual strong way: " Visitors disdainfully. "His feelings will soon for Copperfield!" get the better of it, I'll be bound. His A few words were interchanged befeelings are not like yours, Miss Trad- tween him and Mr. Creakle, as, who dles. As to his situation, - which was the visitors were, and what room they a precious one, wasn't it?-do you were to be shown into; and then I, suppose I am not going to write home, who had, according to custom, stood and take care that he gets some money, up on the announcement being made, Polly?" and felt quite faint with astonishment, We thought this intention very noble was told to go by the back stairs and in Steerforth, whose mother was a get a clean frill on, before I repaired widow, and rich, and would do almost to the dining-room. These orders I anything, it was said, that he asked her. obeyed, in such a flutter and hurry of We were all extremely glad to see my young spirits as I had never known Traddles so put down, and exalted before; and when I got to the parlorSteerforth to the skies; especially when door, and the thought came into my he told us, as he condescended to do, head that it might be my mother, -I that what he had done had been done had only thought of Mr. or Miss Murdexpressly for us, and for our cause; stone until then, - I drew back my and that he had conferred a great boon hand from the lock, and stopped to have upon us by unselfishly doing it. a sob before I went in. But I must say, that, when I was At first I saw nobody; but feeling a going on with a story in the dark that -pressure against the door, I looked night, Mr. Mell's old flute seemed more round it, and there, to my amazement, than once to sound mournfully in my were Mr. Peggotty and Ham, ducking ears; and that, when at last Steerforth at me with their hats, and squeezing was tired, and I lay down in my bed, I one another against the wall. I could fancied it playing so sorrowfully, some- not help laughing; but it was much where, that I was quite wretched. more in the pleasure of seeing them I soon forgot him in the contemplation than at the appearance they made. We of Steerforth, who, ih an easy amateur shook hands in a very cordial way; and way, and without any book (he seemed I laughed and laughed, until I pulled to.me to know everything by heart), out my pocket-handkerchief and wiped took some of his classes until a new my eyes. $8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Mr. Peggotty (who never shut his come over and inquire for Mas'r Davy, mouth once, I remember, during the and give her dooty, humbly wishing visit) showed great concern when he him well, and reporting of the fam'ly as saw me do this, and nudged Ham to they was oncommon toe-be-sure. Litsay something. tie Em'ly, you see, she'll write to my "Cheer up, Mas'r Davy bor'! ". said sister when I go back, as I see you, and Ham, in his simpering way. "Why, as you was similarly oncommon, and how you have growed!" so we make it quite a merry-go-round"Am I grown?" I said, drying my er." eyes. I was not crying at anything I was obliged to consider a little, beparticular that I know of; but some- fore I understood what Mr. Peggotty how it made me cry to see old friends. meant by this figure, expressive of a " Growed, Mas'r Davy bor'? Ain't complete circle of intelligence. I then he growed!" said Ham. thanked him heartily, and said, with a "Ain't he growed!" said Mr. Peg- consciousness of reddening, that I supgotty. posed little Em'ly was altered too, since They made me laugh again by laugh- we used to pick up shells and pebbles ing at each other, and then we all three on the.beach. laughed until I was in danger of crying " She's getting to be a woman, that's again. wot she's getting to be," said Mr. Peg" Do you know how mamma is, Mr. gotty. " Ask him." Peggotty?" I said. " And how my He meant Ham, who beamed with dear, dear old Peggotty is?" delight and assent over the bag of "Oncommon," said Mr. Peggotty. shrimps. "And little Em'ly and Mrs. Gum- "Her pretty face!" said Mr. Pegmidge?" gotty, with his own shining like a "On-common," said Mr. Peggot- light. ty. "Her learning! " said Ham. There was a silence. Mr. Peggotty, "Her writing!" said Mr. Peggotty. to relieve it, took two prodigious lob- "Why it's as black as jet! And so sters, and an enormous crab, and a large it is, you might see it anylarge canvas bag of shrimps, out of his wheres." pockets, and piled them up in Ham's It was perfectly delightful to behold arms. with what enthusiasm Mr. Peggotty-be"You see," said Mr. Peggotty, came inspired when he thought of his "knowing as you was partial to a little little favorite. He stands before me relish with your wittles when you was again, his bluff hairy face irradiating along with us, we took the liberty. The with a joyful love and pride, for which Old Mawther biled'em, she did. Mrs. I can find no description. His honest Gummidge biled'em. Yes," said Mr. eyes fire up and sparkle, as if their Peggotty, slowly, who I thought ap- depths were stirred by something bright. peared to stick to the subject on account His broad chest heaves with pleasure. of having no other subject ready, His strong loose hands clench theim"Mrs. Gummidge, I do assure you, she selves, in his earnestness; and he embiled'em." phasizes what he says with a right arm I expressed my thanks; and Mr. that shows, in my pygmy view, like a Peggotty, after looking at Ham, who sledge-hammer. stood smiling sheepishly over the shell- Ham was quite as earnest as he. I fish, without making any attempt to help dare say they would have said much him, said,- more about her,-if they had not been " We come, you see, the wind and abashed by the unexpected coming in tide making in our favor, in one of our of Steerforth, who, seeing me in a corYarmouth lugs to Gravesen'. - My sister, ner speaking with two strangers, stopped she wrote to me the name of this here in a song he was singing, and said: " I place, and wrote to me as, if ever I didn't know you were here, young Copchanced to come to Gravesen', I was to perfield! " (for it was not the usual vis OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 59 iting room), and crossed by us on his grinning. "You're right, young genway out.'l'm'n. Mas'r Davy, bor', gen'l'm'n' am not sure whether it was in the right. A thorough-built boatman! Hor, pride of having such a friend as Steer- hor! That's what he is, too!" forth, or in the desire to explain to him Mr. Peggotty was no less pleased how I came to have such a friend as than his nephew, though his modesty Mr. Peggotty, that I called to him as forbade him to claim a personal comhe was going away. But I said, mod- pliment so vociferously. estly, - Good Heaven, how it all comes "Well, sir," he said, bowing and back to me this long time afterwards - chuckling, and tucking in the ends of " Don't go, Steerforth, if you please. his neckerchief at his breast, "I These are two Yarmouth boatmen,- thankee, sir, I thankee! I do my envery kind, good people, - who are rela- deavors in my line of life, sir." tions of my nurse, and have come from " The best of men can do no more, Gravesend to see me." Mr. Peggotty," said Steerforth. He "Ay, ay?" said Steerforth, return- had got his name already. ing. "I am glad to see them. How "I'11 pound it, it's wot you do yourart you both?" self, sir," said Mr. Peggotty, shaking There was an ease in his manner, - his head, "and wot you do well - a gay and light manner it was, but not right well! I thankee, sir. I'm swaggering, -which I still believe to obleeged to you, sir, for your welhave borne a kind of enchantment with coming manner of me. I'm rough, it. I still believe him, in virtue of this sir, but I'm ready-least ways, I hope carriage, his animal spirits, his delight- I'm ready, you understand. My house ful voice, his handsome face and figure, ain't much for to see, sir, but it's and, for aught I know, of some inborn hearty at your service, if ever you power of attraction besides (which I should come along with Mas'r Davy to think a few people possess), to have see it. I'm a reg'lar Dodman, I am," carried a spell with him to which it was said Mr. Peggotty, by which he meant a natural weakness to yield, and which snail, and this was in allusion to his not many persons could withstand. I being slow to go, for he had attempted could not but see how pleased they were to go after every sentence, and had with him, and how they seemed to open somehow or other come back again; their hearts to him in a moment. "but I wish you both well, and I wish "You must let them know at home, you happy!" if you please, Mr. Peggotty," I said, Ham echoed this sentiment, and we "when that letter is sent, that Mr. parted with them in the heartiest manSteerforth is very kind to me, and that ner. I was almost tempted that evenI don't know what I should ever do ing to tell Steerforth about pretty little here without him." Em'ly, but I was too timid of mention"Nonsense!" said Steerforth, laugh- ing her name, and too much afraid of ing. "You must n't tell them anything his laughing. at me. I remember that of the sort." I thought a good deal, and in an uneasy "And if Mr. Steerforth ever comes sort of way, about Mr. Peggotty having into Norfolk, or Suffolk, Mr. Peggotty," said that she was getting on to be a I said, "while I am there, you may woman; but I decided that was nondepend upon it I shall bring him to sense. Yarmouth, if he will let me, to see your We transported the shell-fish, or the house. You never saw such a good "relish " as Mr. Peggotty had modesthouse, Steerforth. It's made out of ly called it, up into our room unoba boat!" served, and made a great supper that "Made out of a boat, is it?" said evening. But Traddles couldn't get Steerforth. "It's the right sort of happily out of it. He was too unforhouse for such a thorough-built boat- tunate even to come through a supper man." like anybody else. He was taken illin "So'tis, sir, so'tis, sir," said Ham, the night —quite prostrate he was 60 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE in consequence of Crab; and after CHAPTER VIII. being drugged with black draughts and blue pills, to an extent which Demple MY HOLIDAYS. ESPECIALLY ONE HAP(whose father was a doctor) said was PY AFTERNOON. enough to undermine a horse's constitution, received a caning and six chap- WHEN we arrived before day at the ters of Greek Testament for refusing to inn where the mail stopped, which was confess. not the inn where my friend the waiter The rest of the half-year is a jumble lived, I was shown up to a nice little in my recollection of the daily strife and bedroom, with DOLPHIN painted on the struggle of our lives; of the waning door. Very cold I was I know, notsummer and the changing season; of withstanding the hot tea they had given the frosty mornings when we were rung me before a large fire down stairs; and out of bed, and. the cold, cold smell of very glad I was to turn into the Dolphin's the dark nights when we were rung bed, pull the Dolphin's blankets round into bed again; of the evening school- my head, and go to sleep. room dimly lighted and indifferently Mr. Barkis, the carrier, was to call for warmed, and the morning school-room me in the morning at nine o'clock. I which was nothing but a great shivering got up at eight, a little giddy from the machine; of the alternation of boiled shortness of my night's rest, and was beef with roast beef, and boiled mut- ready for him before the appointed time. ton with roast mutton; of clods of He received me exactly as if not five bread and butter, dog's-eared lesson- minutes had elapsed since we were last books, cracked slates, tear-blotted copy- together, and I had only been into the books, canings, rulerings, hair-cuttings, hotel to get change for sixpence, or rainy Sundays, suet-puddings, and a something of that sort. dirty atmosphere of ink surrounding As soon as I and my box were in the all. cart, and the carrier seated, the lazy I well remember though how the dis- horse walked away with us all, at his tant idea of the holidays, after seeming accustomed pace. for an immense time to be a stationary "You look very well, Mr. Barkis," I speck, began to come towards us, and said, thinking he would like to know to grow and grow. How, from counting it. months, we came to weeks, and then to Mr. Barkis rubbed his cheek with his days; and how I then began to be cuff, and then looked at his cuff as if afraid that I should not be sent for, and, he expected to find some of the bloom when I learned from Steerforth that I upon it; but made no other acknowlkadbeen sent for and was certainly to edgment of the compliment. go home, had dim forebodings that I "I gave your message, Mr. Barkis," might break my leg first. How the I said: " I wrote to Peggotty." breaking-up day changed its place fast, "Ah!" said Mr. Barkis. at last, from the week after next to next Mr. Barkis seemed gruff, and anweek, this week, the day after to-mor- swered dryly. row, to-morrow, to-day, to-night, - "Wasn't it right, Mr. Barkis?" I when I was inside the Yarmouth mail, asked after a little hesitation. and going home. "Why, no," said Mr. Barkis. I had many a broken sleep inside the " Not the message?" Yarmouth mail, and many an incohe- "The message was right enough, rent dream of all these things. But perhaps," said Mr. Barkis; "but it when'I awoke at intervals, the ground come to an end there." outside the window was not the play- Not understanding what he meant, I ground of Salem House, and the sound repeated, inquisitively, " Came to an in my ears was not the sound of Mr. end, Mr. Barkis?" Creakle giving it to Traddles, but the " Nothing come of it," he explained, sound of the coachman touching up the looking at me sideways. "No anhorses. swer." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 6z "There was an answer expected, was "Clara Peggotty," - apparently as a there, Mr. Barkis?" said I, opening private memorandum. my eyes; for this was a new light to Ah, what a strange feeling it was to me. be going home when it was not home, "When a man says he's willin'," said and to find that every object I looked Mr. Barkis, turning his glance slowly at reminded me of the happy old home on me again, "it's as much as to say, which was like a dream I could never that man's a waitin' for a answer." dream again! The days when my "Well, Mr. Barkis? " mother and I and Peggotty were all in "Well," said Mr. Barkis, carrying all to one another, and there was no his eyes back to his horse's ears, " that one to come between us, rose up before man's been a waitin' for a answer ever me so sorrowfully, on the road,.that I since." am not sure I,was glad to be there,"Have you told her so, Mr. Bar- not sure but that I would rather have kis?" remained away, and forgotten it in "N-no," growled Mr. Barkis, re- Steerforth's company. But there I flecting about it. "I ain't got no call was; and soon I was at our house, to go and tell her so. I never said six where the bare old elm-trees wrung words to her myself. I ain't a goin' to their many hands in the bleak wintry tell her so." air, and shreds of the old rooks'-nests " Would you like me to do it, Mr. drifted away upon the wind. Barkis? " said I, doubtfully. The carrer put my box down at the " You might tell her, if you would," garden gate, and left me. I walked said Mr. Barkis, with another slow look along the path towards the house, at me, " that Barkis was a waitin' for a glancing at the windows, and fearing at answer. Says you —what name is every step to see Mr. Murdstone or it?" Miss Murdstone lowering out of one of " Her name?" them. No face appeared, however; " Ah!" said Mr. Barkis, with a nod and, being come to the house, and knowof his head. ing how to open the door, before dark, "Peggotty." without knocking, I went in with a'-'Chrisen name? Or nat'ral name?" quiet timid step. said Mr. Barkis. God knows how infantine the mem" 0, it's not her Christian name. ory may have been that was awakened Her Christian name is Clara." within me by the sound of my mother's " Is it, though I " said Mr. Barkis. voice in the old parlor, when I set foot He seemed to find an immense fund in the hall. She was singing in a low of reflection in this circumstance, and tone. I think I must have lain in her sat pondering and inwardly whistling arms, and heard her singing so to me for some time. when I was but a baby. The strain " Well! " he resumed at length. was new to me, and yet it was so old'.Says you,' Peggotty! Barkis is a that it filled my heart brimful, -like waitin' for a answer.' Says she, per- a friend come back from a long abhaps,'Answer to what?' Says you, sence.'To what I told you.''What is that?' I believed; from the solitary and says she.'Barkis is willin',' says thoughtful way in which my mother you." murmured her song, that she was alone. This extremely artful suggestion Mr. And I went softly into the room. She Barkis accompanied with a nudge of was sitting by the fire, suckling an inhis elbow that gave me quite a stitch in fant, whose tiny hand she held against my side. After that, he slouched over her neck. Her eyes were looking down his horse in his usual manner, and upon its face, and she sat singing to it. made no other reference to the subject, I was so far right, that she had no other except, half an hour afterwards, taking companion. a.piece of chalk from his pocket, and I spoke to her, and she started, and wnting up, inside the tilt of the cart, cried out. But seeing me, she called 62 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE me her dear Davy, her own boy! and "What are you doing, you stupid coming half across the room to meet creature?" said my mother, laughing. me, kneeled down upon the ground and " 0, drat the man! " cried Peggotty. kissed me, and laid my head down on "He wants to marry me." her bosom near the little creature that "It would be a very good match for was nestling there, and put its hand up you; would n't it?" said my mother. to my lips. "0, I don't know," said Peggotty. I wish I had died. I wish I had died "Don't ask me. I would n't have then, with that feeling in my heart! I him if he was made of gold. Nor I should have been more fit for heaven wouldn't have anybody." than I ever have been since. "Then, why don't you tell him so, " He is your brother," said my moth- you ridiculous thing? " said my mother, er, fondling me. "Davy, my pretty "Tell him so," retorted Peggotty, boy I My poor child!" Then she looking out of her apron. "He has kissed me more and more, and clasped never said a word to me about it. He me round the neck. This she was knows better. If he was to make so doing when Peggotty came running in, bold as say a word to me, I should slap and bounced down on the ground be- his face." side us, and went mad about us both, Her own was as red as ever I saw it, for a quarter of an hour. or any other face I think; but she only It seemed that I had not been ex- covered it again, for a few moments at pected so soon, the carrier being much a time, when she was taken with a before his usual time. It seemed, too, violent fit of laughter, and, after two or that Mr. and Miss Murdstone had gone three of those attacks, went on with-her out upon a visit in the neighborhood, dinner. and would not return before night. I I remarked that my mother, though had never hoped for this. I had never she smiled when Peggotty looked at thought it possible that we three could her, became more serious and thoughtbe together undisturbed, once more; ful. I had seen at first that she was and I felt, for the time, as if the old changed. Her face was very pretty days were come back. still; but it looked careworn, and too We dined together by the fireside. delicate; and her hand was so thin and Peggotty was in attendance to wait white that it seemed to me to be almost upon us, but my mother would n't let transparent. But the change to which her do it, and made her dine with us. I now refer was superadded to this; it I had my own old plate, with a brown was in her manner, which became anxview of a man-of-war in full sail upon ious and fluttered. At last she said, it, which Peggotty had hoarded some- putting out her hand, and laying it where all the time I had been away, affectionately on the hand of her old and would not have had broken, she servant, - said, for a hundred pounds. I had my "Peggotty dear, you are not going own old mug with David on it, and to be married?" my own old little knife and fork that "Me, ma'am?" returned Peggotty, would n't cut. staring. "Lord bless you, no!" While we were at table, I thought it "Not just yet?" said my mother, a favorable occasion to tell Peggotty tenderly. about Mr. Barkis, who, before I had "Never!" cried Peggotty. finished what I had to tell her, began My mother took her hand, and to laugh, and throw her apron over her said, - face. "Don't leave me, Peggotty. Stay "Peggotty," said my mother, with me. It will not be for long, per, "what's the matter?" haps. What should I ever do without Peggotty only laughed the more, and you!" held her apron tight over her face when " Me leave you, my precious! " cried my mother tried to pull it away, and Peggotty. " Not for all the world and sat as if her head were in a bag. his wife. Why, what's put that in OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 63 your silly little head? "-for Peggotty While I sat thus, looking at the fire, had been used of old to talk to my and seeing pictures in the red-hot coals, mother sometimes like a child. I almost believed that I had never been But my mother made no answer, ex- away; that Mr. and Miss Murdstone cept to thank her; and Peggotty went were such pictures, and would vanish running on in her own fashion. when the fire got low; and that there "Me leave you? I think I see my- was nothing real in all that I reself Peggotty go away from you? I membered, save my mother, Peggotty, should like to catch her at it! No, no, and I. no," said Peggotty, shaking her head, Peggotty darned away at a stocking and folding her arms; "not she, my as long as she could see, and then sat dear. It isn't that there ain't some with it drawn on her left hand like a Cats that would be well enough pleased glove, and her needle in her right, ready if she did, but they sha'n't be pleased. to take another stitch whenever there They shall be aggravated. I'11 stay was a blaze. I cannot conceive whose with you till I am a cross, cranky old stockings they can have been that Pegwoman. And when I'm too deaf, and gotty was always darning, or where such too lame, and too blind, and too mum- an unfailing supply of stockings in want bly for want of teeth, to be of any use of darning can have come from. From, at all, even to be found fault with, then my earliest infancy she seems to have I shall go to my Davy, and ask him to been always employed in that class of take me in." needlework, and never by any chance "And Peggotty," says I, "I shall in any other. be glad to see you, and I'11 make you " I wonder," said Peggotty, who was as welcome as a queen." sometimes seized with a fit of wonder" Bless your dear heart I" cried Peg- ing on some most unexpected topic, tty. " I know you will!" And she "what's become of Davy's greatkissed me beforehand, in grateful ac- aunt." knowledgment of my hospitality. After "Lor, Peggotty!" observed my that, she covered her head up with her mother, rousing herself from a revery, apron again, and had another laugh "what nonsense you talk!" about Mr. Barkis. After that, she took "Well, but I really do wonder, the baby out of its little cradle, and ma'am," said Peggotty. nursed it. After that, she cleared the "What can have put such a person dinner-table; after that, came in with in your head?" inquired my mother. another cap on, and her work-box, and " Is there nobody else in the world to the yard-measure, and the bit of wax- come there? " candle, all just the same as ever. We "I don't know how it is," said Peg. sat round the fire, and talked delight- gotty, "unless it's on account of being fully. I told them what a hard master stupid; but my head never can pick and Mr. Creakle was, and they pitied me choose its people. They come and they very much. I told them what a fine fel- go, and they don't come and they don't low Steerforth was, and what a patron go, just as they like. I wonder what's of mine, and Peggotty said she would become of her." walk a score of miles to see him. I " How absurd you are, Peggotty," took the little baby in my arms when returned my mother. "One would it was awake, and nursed it lovingly. suppose you wanted a second visit from When it was asleep again, I crept close her." to my mother's side, according to my " Lord forbid!" cried Peggotty. old custom, broken now a long time, "Well, then, don't talk about such and sat with my arms embracing her uncomfortable things, there's a good waist, and my little red cheek on her soul," said my mother. " Miss Betsey shoulder, and once more felt her beauti- is shut up in her cottage by the sea, no ful hair drooping over me, -like an an- doubt, and will remain there. At all gel's wing as I used to think, I recol- events1 she is not likely ever to trouble lect, -and was very happy indeed. us agai." 64 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "No!" mused Peggotty. "No, laughing, "and if she is so silly as-to that ain't likely at all- I wonder, if say so, can I be blamed for it?" she was to die, whether she'd leave "No one says you can," said PegDavy anything? " gotty. "Good gracious me, Peggotty," re- "No, I should hope not, indeed!" turned my mother, "what a nonsensi- returned my mother. "Haven't you cal woman you are! when you know heard her say, over and over again, that that she took offence at the poor dear on this account she wishes to spare me boy's ever being born at all! " a great deal of trouble, which she thinks " I suppose she would n't be inclined I am not suited for, and which I really to forgive him now," hinted Peggot- don't know myself that I am suited for; ty. and isn't she up early and late, and " Why should she be inclined to for- going to and fro continually; and does give him now?" said my mother, rath- n't she do all sorts of things, and grope er sharply. into all sorts of places, coal-holes and "Now that he's got a brother, I pantries and I don't know where, that mean," said Peggotty. can't be very agreeable; and do you My mother immediately began to mean to insinuate that there is not a cry, and wondered how Peggotty dared sort of devotion in that? " to say such a thing. " I don't insinuate at all," said Peg"As if this poor little innocent in its gotty. cradle had ever done any harm to you "You do, Peggotty," returned my or anybody else, you jealous thing " mother. "You never do anything else, said she. "You had much better go except your work. You are always inand marry Mr. Barkis, the carrier. sinuating. You revel in it. And when Why don't you?" you talk of Mr. Murdstone's good in" I should make Miss Murdstone tentions-" happy, if I was to," said Peggotty. " I never talked of'em," said Peg" What a bad disposition you have, gotty. Peggotty! " returned my mother. "No, Peggotty," returned my moth"You are as jealous of Miss Murd- er, "but you insinuated. That's what stone as it is possible for a ridiculous I told you just now. That's the worst creature to be. You want to keep the of you. You will insinuate.' I said, at keys yourself, and give out all the things, the moment, that I understood you, and I suppose? I shouldn't be surprised you see I did. When you talk of Mr. if you did. When you know that she Murdstone's good intentions, and preonly does it out of kindness and the tend to slight them (for I don't believe best intentions! You know she does, you really do, in your heart, Peggotty), Peggotty, -you know it well." you must be as well convinced as I am Peggotty muttered something to the how good they are, and how they actueffect of " Bother the best intentions!" ate him in everything. If he seems to and something else to the effect that have been at all stem with a certain perthere was a little too much of the best son, Peggotty, -you understand, and intentions going on. so I am sure does Davy, that I am not " I know what you mean, you cross alluding to anybody present, - it is solething," said my mother; " I understand ly because he is satisfied that it is for a you, Peggotty, perfectly. You know I certain person's benefit. He naturally do, and I wonder you don't color up loves a certain person on my account, like fire. But one point at a time. Miss and acts solely for a certain person's Murdstone is the point now, Peggotty, good. He is better able to judge of it and you sha'n't escape from it. Have than I am; for I very well know that I n't you heard her say, over and over am a weak, light, girlish creature, and again, that she thinks I am too thought- that he is a firm, grave, serious man. less and too - a - a-" And he takes," said my mother, with "Pretty," suggested Peggotty. the tears which were engendered in her "Well," returned my mother, half affectionate nature stealing down her OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 65 face, - "he takes great pains with me; early hours for young people, perhaps and I ought to be very thankful to him, I had better go to bed. I kissed her, and very submissive to him even in my and went up stairs with my candle thoughts; and when I am not, Peggot- directly, before they came in. It apty, I worry and condemn myself, and peared to my childish fancy, as I asfeel doubtful of my own heart, and don't cended to the bedroom where I had know what to do." been imprisoned, that they brought a Peggotty sat with her chin on the foot cold blast of air into the house, which of the stocking, looking silently at the blew away the old familiar feeling like a fire. feather. " There, Peggotty," said my mother, I felt uncomfortable about going changing her tone, " don't let us fall out down to breakfast in the morning, as I with one another, for I couldn't bear it. had never set eyes on Mr. Murdstone You are my true friend, I know, if I have since the day when I committed my any in the world. When I call you a memorable offence. However, as it ridiculous creature, or a vexatious thing, must be done, I went down, after two or anything of that sort, Peggotty, I or three false starts half-way, and as only mean that you are my true friend, many runs back on tiptoe to my own and always have been, ever since the room, and presented myself in the parnight when Mr. Copperfield first brought lor. me home here, and you came out to the He was standing before the fire with gate to meet me." his back to it, while Miss Murdstone Peggotty was not slow to respond, made the tea. He looked at me steadily and ratify the treaty of friendship by as I entered, but made no sign of giving me one of her best hugs. I recognition whatever. think I had some glimpses of the real I went up to him, after a moment of character of this conversation at the confusion, and said: "I beg your partime; but I am sure, now, that the good don, sir. I am very sorry'for what I creature originated it; and took her did, and I hope you will forgive me." part in it merely that my mother might "I am glad to hear you are sorry, comfort herselfwith the little contradic- David," he replied. tory summary in which she had in- The hand he gave me was the hand dulged. The design was efficacious; I had bitten. I could not restrain my for I remember that my mother seemed eye from resting for an instant on a red more at ease during the rest of the spot upon it; but it was not so red as I evening, and that Peggotty observed turned, when I met that sinister exher less. pression in his face. When we had had our tea, and the " How do you do, ma'am?" I said to ashes were thrown up, and the candles Miss Murdstone. snuffed, I read Peggotty a chapter out "Ah, dear me!" sighed Miss Murdof the crocodile book, in remembrance stone, giving me the tea-caddy scoop of old times, -she took it out of her instead of her fingers. "How long are pocket: I don't know whether she had the holidays?" kept it there ever since, -and then "A month, ma'am." we talked about Salem House, which " Counting from when?" brought me round again to Steerforth, "From to-day, ma'am." who was my great subject. We were O," said Miss Murdstone. "Then very happy; and that evening, as the here's one day off." last of its race, and destined evermore She kept a calendar of the holidays to close that volume of my life, will in this way, and every morning checked never pass out of my memory. a day off in exactly the same manner. It was almost ten o'clock before we She did it gloomily until she came to heard the sound of wheels. We all ten, but when she got into two figures got up then; and my mother said she became more hopeful, and, as the hurriedly, that, as it was so late, and time advanced, even jocular. Mr. and Miss Murdstone approved of It was on this very first day that I 5 66 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE had the misfortune to throw her, though "A positive fool," said Miss Murdshe was not subject to such weakness stone. "Who else could compare my in general, into a state of violent con- brother's baby with your boy? They sternation. I came into the room are not at all alike. They are exactly where she and my mother were sitting; unlike. They are utterly dissimilar in and the baby (who was only a few all respects. 1 hope they will ever weeks old) being on my mother's lap, remain so. I will not sit here and hear I took it very carefully in my arms. such comparisons made." With that Suddenly Miss Murdstone gave such a she stalked out, and made the door bang scream that I all but dropped it. after her. "My dear Jane! " cried my mother. In short, I was not a favorite with "Good heavens, Clara, do you see?" Miss Murdstone. In short, I was not exclaimed Miss Murdstone. a favorite there with anybody, not even " See what, my dear Jane? " said my with myself; for those who did like me mother; "where?" could not show it, and those who did "He's got it!" cried Miss Murd- not showed it so plainly that I had a stone. "The boy has got the baby!" sensitive consciousness of always apShe was limp with horror, but stiff- pearing constrained, boorish, and dull. ened herself to make a dart at me, and I felt that-I made them as uncomforttake it out of my arms. Then, she able as they made me. If I came into turned faint; and was so very ill, that the room where they were, and they they were obliged to give her cherry- were talking together, and my mother brandy. I was solemnly interdicted by seemed cheerful, an anxious cloud her, on her recovery, from touching my would steal over her face from the mobrother any more on any pretence what- ment of my entrance. If Mr. Murdever; and my poor mother, who, I stone were in his best humor, I checked could see, wished otherwise, meekly him. If Miss Murdstone were in her confirmed the interdict by saying, " No worst, I intensified it. I had percepdoubt you are right, my dear Jane." tion enough to know that my mother On another occasion, when we three was the victim always; that she was were together, this same dear baby -it afraid to speak to me, or be kind to me, was truly dear to me, for our mother's lest she should give them some offence sake - was the innocent occasion of by her manner of doing so, and receive Miss Murdstone's going into a passion. a lecture afterwards; that she was not My mother, who had been looking at only ceaselessly afraid of her own ofits eyes as it lay upon her lap, said, - fending, but of my offending, and un" Davy! come here!" and looked easily watched their looks if I only at mine. moved. Therefore I resolved to keep I saw Miss Murdstone lay her beads myself as much out of their way as I down. could; and many a wintry hour did I " I declare," said my mother, gently, hear the church-clock strike, when I "they are exactly alike. I suppose was sitting in my cheerless bedroom, they are mine. 1 think they are the wrapped in my little great-coat, poring color of mine. But they are wonder- over a book. fully alike." In the evening, sometimes, I went "What are you talking about, Clara?" and sat with Peggotty in the kitchen. said Miss Murdstone. There I was comfortable, and not afraid " My dear Jane," faltered my mother, of being myself. But neither of these a little abashed by the harsh tone of resources was approved of in the parthis inquiry, "I find that the baby's lor. The tormenting humor which was eyes and Davy's are exactly alike." dominant there stopped them both. I " Clara I" said Miss Murdstone, was still held to be necessary to my rising angrily, "you are a positive fool poor mother's training, and, as one of sometimes." her trials, could not be suffered to ab" My dear Jane," remonstrated my sent myself. mother. "David," said Mr. Murdstone, one OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 67 day after dinner when I was going to idly, "you are a far better judge of all leave the room as usual, "I am sorry questions than I pretend to be. Both to observe that you are of a sullen dis- you and Jane are. I only said-" position." "You only said something weak and "As sulky as a bear! " said Miss inconsiderate," he replied. "Try not Murdstone. to do it again, my dear Clara, and keep I stood still, and hung my head. a watch upon yourself." "Now, David," said Mr. Murdstone, My mother's lips moved, as if she "a sullen, obdurate disposition is, of all answered, "Yes, my dear Edward," tempers, the worst." but she said nothing aloud. " And the boy's is, of all such dispo- "I was sorry, David, I remarked," sitions that ever I have seen," remarked said Mr. Murdstone, turning his head his sister, "the most confirmed and and his eyes stiffly towards me, "to stubborn. I think, my dear Clara, even observe that you are of a sullen disposiyou must observe it? " tion. This is not a character that I " I beg your pardon, my dear Jane," can suffer to develop itself beneath my said my mother, "but are you quite eyes without an effort at improvement. sure - I am certain you'11 excuse me, You must endeavor, sir, to change it. my dear Jane-that you understand We must endeavor to change it for Davy?" you." " I should be somewhat ashamed of " I beg your pardon, sir," I faltered. myself, Clara," returned Miss Murd- "I have never meant to be sullen since stone, "if I could not understand the I came back." boy, or any boy. I don't profess to be " Don't take refuge in a lie, sir!" he profound; but I do lay claim to com- returned so fiercely that I saw my mon sense." mother involuntarily put out her trem" No doubt, my dear Jane," returned bling hand as if to interpose between us. my mother, "your understanding is " You have withdrawn yourself in your very vigorous-" sullenness to your own room. You have " O dear, no! Pray don't say that, kept your own room when you ought to Clara," interposed Miss Murdstone, have been here. You know now, once angrily. for all, that I require you to be here, " But I am sure it is," resumed my and not there. Further, that I require mother; " and everybody knows it is. you to bring obedience here. You I profit so much by it myself, in many know me, David: I will have it done." ways, - at least I ought to, - that no Miss Murdstone gave a hoarse one can be more convinced of it than chuckle. myself; and therefore I speak with great "I will have a respectful, prompt, and diffidence, my dear Jane, I assure ready bearing towards myself," he conyou." tinued, "and towards Jane Murdstone, "We'll say I don't understand the and towards your mother. I will not boy, Clara," returned Miss Murdstone, have this room shunned as if it were inarranging the little fetters on her wrists. fected, at the pleasure of a child. Sit "We'll agree if you please, that I down." don't understand him at all. He is He ordered me like a dog, and I much too deep for me. But perhaps obeyed like a dog. my brother's penetration may enable "One thing more," he said. "I obhim to have some insight into his char- serve that you have an attachment to acter. And I believe niy brother was low and common company. You are speaking on the subject when we - not not to associate with servants. The very decently -interrupted him." kitchen will not improve you, in the "I think, Clara," said Mr. Murd- many respects in which you need imstone, in a low, grave voice, "that there provement. Of the woman who abets may be better and more dispassionate you, I say nothing, -since you, Clara," judges of such a question than you." addressing my mother in a lower voice, "Edward," replied my mother, tim- "from old associations and long-estab 68 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE lished fancies, have a weakness respect- myself, but, not daring to read an ening her which is not yet overcome." tertaining book, pored over some hard"A most unaccountable delusion it headed, harder-hearted treatise on arithis I" cried Miss Murdstone. netic, when the tables of weights and "I only say," he resumed, addressing measures set themselves to tunes, as me, "that I disapprove of your prefer- Rule Britannia, or Away with Melanring such company as Mistress Peggot- choly; and wouldn't stand still to be ty, and that it is to be abandoned. Now, learnt, but would go threading my David, you understand me, and you grandmother's needle through my unknow what will be the consequence if fortunate head, in at one ear and out you fail to obey me to the letter." at the other! I knew well, - better perhaps than he What yawns and dozes I lapsed into, thought, as far as my poor mother was in spite of all my care; what starts I concerned, -and I obeyed him to the came out of concealed sleeps with; letter. I retreated to my own room no what answers I never got to little obmore; I took refuge with Peggotty no servations that I rarely made; what a more; but sat wearily in the parlor day blank space I seemed, which everybody after day, looking forward to night, and overlooked, and yet I was in everybody's bedtime. way; what a heavy relief it was to hear What irksome constraint I underwent, Miss Murdstone hail the first stroke of sitting in the same attitude, hours upon nine at night, and order me to bed! hours, afraid to move an arm or a leg, lest Thus the holidays lagged away, until Miss Murdstone should complain (as she the morning came when Miss Murddid on the least pretence) of my rest- stone said, " Here's the last day off! " lessness, and afraid to move an eye, and gave me the closing cup of tea of lest it should light on some look of the vacation. dislike-or scrutiny that would find new I was not sorry to go. I had lapsed cause for complaint in mine! What into a stupid state; but I was recovering intolerable dulness to sit listening to a little and looking forward to Steerthe ticking of the clock; and watching forth, albeit Mr. Creakle loomed beMiss Murdstone's little shiny steel hind him. Again Mr. Barkis appeared beads as she strung them; and won- at the gate, and again Miss Murdstone, dering whether she would ever be mat- in her warning voice, said, " Clara I " ried, and if so, to what sort of unhappy when my mother bent over me, to bid man; and counting the divisions in the.me farewell. moulding on the chimney-piece; and I kissed her, and my baby brother, and wandering away, with my eyes, to the was very sorry then; but not sorry to go ceiling, among the curls and corkscrews away, for the gulf between us was there, in the paper on the wall! and the parting was there, every day. What walks I took alone, down mud- And it is not so much the embrace dy lanes, in the bad winter weather, car- she gave me that lives in my mind, rying that parlor, and Mr. and Miss though it was as fervent as could be, Murdstone in it, everywhere, -a mon- as what followed the embrace. strous load that I was obliged to bear, I was in the carrier's cart when I a daymare that there was no possibility heard her calling to me. I looked out, of breaking in, a weight that brooded on and she stood at the garden gate alone, my wits and blunted them! holding her baby up in her arms for me to What meals I had in silence and em- see. It was cold, still weather; and not barrassment, always feeling that there a hair of her head, or a fold of her dress, were a knife and fork too many, and that was stirred, as she looked intently at me, mine; an appetite too many, and that holding up her child.. mine; a plate and chair too many, and So I lost her. So I saw her afterthose mine; a somebody too many, and wards, in my sleep at school, - a silent that I I presence near my bed, looking at me What evenings, when the candles with the same intent face, holding up came, an'd I was expected to employ her baby in her arms. OP DtA VID COPPERFIELD. 9 CHAPTER IX. feeling tone in which he spoke, if I had given it a thought; but I gave it none I HAVE A MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY. until afterwards. I hurried away to the a parlor; and there I found Mr. Creakle I PASS over all that happened at sitting at his breakfast with the cane school, until the anniversary of my and a newspaper before him, and Mrs. birthday came round in March. Except Creakle with an opened letter in her that Steerforth was more to be admired hand. But no hamper. than ever, I remember nothing. He "David Copperfield," said Mrs. was going away at the end of the half- Creakle, leading me to a sofa, and year, if not sooner, and was more spirit- sitting down beside me. "I want to ed and independent than before in my speak to you very particularly. I have eyes, and therefore more engaging than something to tell you, my child." before; but beyond this I remember Mr. Creakle, at whom of course I nothing. The great remembrance by looked, shook his head without looking which that time is marked in my mind at me, and stopped up a sigh with a seems to have swallowed up all lesser very large piece of buttered toast. recollections, and to exist alone. "You are too young to know how It is even difficult for me to believe the world changes every day," said that there was a gap of full two months Mrs. Creakle, "and how the people between my return to Salem House in it pass away. But we all have to and the arrival of that birthday. I can learn it, David: some of us when we only understand that the fact was so, are young; some of us when we are because I know it must have been so. old; some of us at all times of our Otherwise I should feel convinced that lives." there was no interval, and that the I looked at her earnestly. one occasion trod upcn the other's "When you came away from home heels. at the end of the vacation," said Mrs. How well I recollect the kind of day Creakle, after a pause, "were they all it was! I smell the fog that hung about well? " After another pause, "Was the place; I see the hoar-frost, ghostly, your mamma well?" through it; I feel my rimy hair fall I trembled without distinctly knowclammy on my cheek; I look along ing why, and still looked at her earthe dim perspective of the school-room, nestly, making no attempt to answer. with a sputtering candle here and there "Because," said she, "I grieve to to light up the foggy morning, and the tell you that I hear this morning your breath of the boys wreathing and smok- mamma is very ill." ing in the raw cold as they blow upon A mist arose between Mrs. Creakle their fingers, and tap their feet upon and me, and her figure seemed to move the floor. in it for an instant. Then I felt the It was after breakfast, and we had burning tears run down my face, and been summoned in from the play- it was steady again. ground, when Mr. Sharp entered and " She is very dangerously ill," she said, - added. "David Copperfield is to go into the I knew all now. parlor." "She is dead." I expected a hamper from Peggotty, There was no need to tell me so. and brightened at the order. Some of I had already broken out into a desothe boys about me put in their claim late cry, arid felt an orphan in the wide not to be forgotten in the distribution of world. the good things, as I got out of my seat She was very kind to me. She kept with great alacrity. me there all day, and left me alone "Don't hurry, David," said Mr. sometimes; and I cried, and wore Sharp. "There's time enough, my myself to sleep, and awoke and cried boy; don't hurry." again. When I could cry no more, I I might have been surprised by the began to think; and then the oppres 70 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE sion on my breast was heaviest, and my of my sorrows, and a contribution to grief a dull pain, that there was no ease my peace of mind. for. I left Salem House upon the morrow And yet my thoughts were idle; not afternoon. I little thought then that intent on the calamity that weighed I left it never to return. We travelled upon my heart, but idly loitering near very slowly all night, and did not get it. I thought of our house shut up and into Yarmouth before nine or ten hushed. I thought of the little baby, o'clock in the morning. I looked out who, Mrs. Creakle said, had been for Mr. Barkis; but he was not there; pining away for some time, and who, and instead of him a fat, short-winded, they believed, would die too. I thought merry-looking, little old man in black, of my father's grave in the churchyard, with rusty little bunches of ribbons at by our house, and of my mother lying the knees of his breeches, black stockthere beneath the tree I knew so well. ings, and a broad-brimmed hat, canme I stood upon a chair when I was left puffing up to the coach-window, and alone, and looked into the glass to see said, - how red my eyes were, and how sor- "Master Copperfield?" rowful my face was. I considered, after "Yes, sir." some hours were gone, if my tears were " Will you come with me, young sir, really hard to flow now, as they seemed if you please," he said, opening the to be, what, in connection with my loss, door, " and I shall have the pleasure of it would affect me most to think of taking you home." when I drew near home, -for I was I put my hand in his, wondering who going home to the funeral. I am sen- he was; and we walked away to a shop sible of having felt that a dignity at- in a narrow street, on which was writtached to me among the rest of the ten OMER, DRAPER, TAILOR, HABERboys, and that I was important in my DASHER, FUNERAL FURNISHER, &c. affliction. It was a close and stifling little shop, If ever child were stricken with sin- full of all sorts of clothing, made and cere grief, I was. But I remember unmade, including one window full of that this importance was a kind of beaver-hats and bonnets. We went insatisfaction to me, when I walked in to a little back parlor behind the shop, the playground that afternoon, while where we found three young women at the boys were in schoo. When I saw work on a quantity of black materials, them glancing at me out of the win- which were heaped upon the table, and dows, as they went up to their classes, little bits and cuttings of which were I felt distinguished, and looked more littered all over the floor. There was a melancholy, and walked slower. When good fire in the room, and a breathless school was over, and they came out and smell of warm black crape. - I did not spoke to me, I felt it rather good in know what the smell was then, but I myself not to be proud to any of them, know now. and to take exactly the same notice of The three young women, who apthem all as before. peared to be very industrious and comI was to go home next night; not by fortable, raised their heads to look at the mail, but by the heavy night-coach, me, and then went on with their work. which was called the Farmer, and was Stitch, stitch, stitch. At the same time principally used by country-people trav- there came from a workshop across a elling short intermediate distances upon little yard outside the window, a reguthe road. We had no story-telling that lar sound of hammering that kept a evening, and Traddles insisted on lend- kind of tune: RAT-tat-tat, RATing me his pillow. I don't know what tat-tat, RAT - tat-tat, without any vangood he thought it would do me, for ation. had one of my own; but it was all he " Well," said my conductor to one of had to lend, poor fellow, except a sheet the three young women, "how do you of letter-paper full of skeletons, and get on, Minnie?" that he gave me at parting, as a soother " We shall be ready by the trying-on OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. I7 time," she replied gayly, without look- which I sat looking about me and thinking up. "Don't you be afraid, father." ing, and listening to the stitching in the Mr. Omer took off his broad-brimmed room and the tune that was being hamhat, and sat down and panted. He was mered across the yard, appeared on a so fat that he was obliged to pant some tray, and turned out to be for me. time before he could say, - "I have been acquainted with you," "That's right." said Mr. Omer, after watching me for " Father! " said Minnie, playfully. some minutes, during which I had not "What a porpoise you do grow! " made much impression on the breakfast, "Well, I don't know how it is, my for the black things destroyed my apdear," he replied, considering about it. petite, -" I have been acquainted with "I am rather so." you a long time, my young friend." "You are such a comfortable man, "Have you, sir?" you see," said Minnie. "You take "All your life," said Mr. Omer. "I things so easy." may say before it.- I knew your father " No use taking'em otherwise, my before you. He was five foot, nine and dear," said Mr. Omer. a half, and he lays in five and twen-ty " No, indeed," returned his daughter. foot of grounld." We are all pretty gay here, thank "RAT-tat-tat, RAT - tat-tat, RAT Heaven! Ain't we father?" -tat-tat," across the yard. "I hope so, my dear," said Mr. " He lays in five and twen-ty foot of Omer. " As I have got my breath now, ground, if he lays in a fraction," said I think I'11 measure this young scholar. Mr. Omer, pleasantly. " It was either Would you walk into the shop, Master his request or her direction, I forget Copperfield?" which." I preceded Mr. Omer, in compliance " Do you know how my little brother with his request; and, after showing me is, sir?" I inquired. a roll of cloth which he said was extra Mr. Omer shook his head. super, and too good mourning for any- " RAT- tat-tat, RAT - tat-tat, RAT thing short of parents, he took my va- -tat-tat." rious dimensions, and put them down in " He is in his mother's arms," said a book. While he was recording them, he. he called my attention to his stock in "O, poor little fellow! Is he dead?" trade, and to certain fashions which he " Don't mind it more than you can said had "just come up," and to cer- help," said Mr. Omer. "Yes. The tain other fashions which he said had baby's dead." "just gone out." My wounds broke out afresh at this And by that sort of thing we very intelligence. I left the scarcely tasted often lose a little mint of money," said breakfast, and went and rested my head Mr. Omer. " But fashions are like hu- on another table in a corner of the little man beings. They come in, nobody room, which Minnie hastily cleared, lest knows when, why, or how; and they go I should spot the mourning that was out, nobody knows when, why, or how. lying there with my tears. She was a Everything is like life, in my opin- pretty, good-natured girl, and put my ion, if you look at it in that point of hair away from my eyes with a soft, kind view." touch; but she was very cheerful at I was too sorrowful to discuss the having nearly finished her work and question, which would possibly have being in good time, and was so different been beyond me under any circumstan- from me! ces; and Mr. Omer took me back into Presently the tune left off, and a the parlor, breathing with some diffi- good-looking young fellow came across culty on the way. the yard into the room. He had a He then called down a little break- hammer in his hand, and his mouth neck range of steps behind a door, was full of little nails, which he was " Bring up that tea and bread and but- obliged to take out before he could ter!" which, after some time, during speak. a2 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " Well, Joram! " said Mr. Omer. with.black thread neatly in the bosom " How do you get on? " of her gown, and put on her outer "All right," said Joram. "Done, clothing smartly, at a little glass behind sir." the door, in which I saw the reflection Minnie colored a little, and the other of her pleased face. two girls smiled at one another. All this I observed, sitting at the "What I you were at it by candle- table in the corer, with my head leanlight last night, when I was at the club, ing on my hand, and my thoughts runthen? Were you?" said Mr. Omer, ning on very different things. The shutting up one eye. chaise soon came round to the front of "Yes," said Joram. "As you said the shop, and the baskets being put in we could make a little trip of it, and go first, I was put in next, and those three over together, if it was done, Minnie followed. I remember it as a kind of and me - and you." half chaise-cart, half piano-forte van, "O, I thought you were going to painted of a sombre color, and drawn leave me out altogether," said Mr. by a black horse with a long tail. Omer, laughing till he coughed. There was plenty of room for us all. "-As you was so good as to say I do not think I have ever experithat," resumed the young man, "why, enced so strange a feeling in my life I turned to with a will, you see. Will (I am wiser now, perhaps) as that of you give me your opinion of it?" being with them, remembering how "I will," said Mr. Omer, rising. they had been employed, and seeing "My dear," and he stopped and them enjoy the ride. I was not angry turned to me, "would you like to see with them: I was more afraid of them, your-" as if I were cast away among creatures "No, father," Minnie interposed. with whom I had no community of "I thought it might be agreeable, nature. Theywerevery cheerful. The my dear," said Mr. Omer. "But per- old man sat in front to drive; and the haps you're right." two young people sat behind him, and, I can't say how I knew it was my whenever he spoke to them, leaned fordear, dear mother's coffin that they ward, the one on one side of his chubby went to look at. I had never heard face and the other on the other, and one making; I had never seen one that made a great deal of him. They would I know of; but it came into my mind have talked to me too, but I held back, what the noise was, while it was going and moped in my corner, scared by on; and when the young man entered, their love-making and hilarity, though I am sure I knew what he had been it was far from boisterous, and almost doing. wondering that no judgment came The work being now finished, the upon them for their hardness of heart. two girls, whose names I had not heard, So, when they stopped to bait the brushed the shreds and threads from horse, and ate and drank and enjoyed their dresses, and went into the shop themselves, I could touch nothing that to put that to rights, and wait for cus- they touched, but kept my fast untomers. Minnie stayed behind to fold broken. So, when we reached home, up what they had made, and pack it in I dropped out of the chaise behind, as two baskets. This she did upon her quickly as possible, that I might not be knees, humming a lively little tune the in their company before those solemn while. Joram, who I had no doubt windows, looking blindly on me like was her lover, came in and stole a kiss closed eyes once bright. And 0, how from her, while she was busy (he did n't little need I had had to think what appear to mind me, at all), and said her would move me to tears when I came father was gone for the chaise, and he back, -seeing the window of my mothmust make haste and get himself ready. er's room, and next it that which, in the Then he went out again; and then she better time, was mine I put her thimble and scissors in her I was in Peggotty's arms before I got pocket, and stuck a needle threaded to the door, and she took me into tl1 OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 73 house. Her grief burst out when she cept the clocks, in the whole motionless first saw me; but she controlled it soon, house. and spoke- in whispers, and walked In these days before the funeral, I softly, as if the dead could be disturbed. - saw but little of Peggotty, except that, She had not been in bed, I found, for a in passing up or down stairs, I always long time. She sat up at night still, found her close to the room where my and watched. As long as her poor dear mother and her baby lay, and except pretty was above the ground, she said, that she came to me every night, and she would never desert her. sat by my bed's head while I went to Mr. Murdstone took no heed of me sleep. A day or two before the burial, when I went into the parlor where he -I think it was a day or two before, was, but sat by the fireside, weeping but I am conscious of confusion in my silently, and pondering in his elbow- mind about that heavy time, with nothchair. Miss Murdstone, who was busy ing to mark its progress, -she took me at her writing-desk, which was covered into the room. I only recollect that, with letters and papers, gave me her underneath some white covering on the cold finger-nails, and asked me, in an bed, with a beautiful cleanliness and iron whisper, if I had been measured freshness all around it, there seemed to for my mourning me to lie embodied the solemn stillness I said, "Yes." that was in the house; and that, when " And your shirts," said Miss Murd- she would have turned the cover gently stone; "have you brought'em home?" back, I cried, "0 no! 0 no! " and " Yes, ma'am. I have brought home held her hand. all my clothes." If the funeral had been yesterday, I This was all the consolation that her could not recollect it better. The very firmness administered to me. I do not air of the best parlor, when I went in doubt that she had a choice pleasure in at the door, the bright condition of the exhibiting what she called her self- fire, the shining of the wine in the decommand, and her firmness, and her canters, the patterns of the glasses and strength of mind, and her common plates, the faint sweet smell of cake, the sense, and the whole diabolical cata- odor of Miss Murdstone's dress, and our logue of her unamiable qualities, on black clothes. Mr. Chillip is in the such an occasion. She was particularly room, and comes to speak to me. proud of her turn for business; and "And how is Master David? "he she showed it now in reducing every- says, kindly. thing to pen and ink, and being moved I cannot tell him very well. I give by nothing. All the rest of that day, and him my hand, which he holds in his. from morning to night afterwards, she "Dear me " says Mr, Chillip, meeksat at that desk; scratching composed- ly smiling, with something shining in ly with a hard pen; speaking in the his eye. "Our little friends grow up same imperturbable whisper to every- around us. They grow out of our body; never relaxing a muscle of her knowledge, ma'am?" face, or softening the tone of her voice, This is to Miss Murdstone, who or appearing with an atom of her dress makes no reply. astray. "There is a great improvement here, Her brother took a book sometimes, ma'am?" says Mr. Chillip. but never read it that I saw. He would Miss Murdstone merely answers with open it and look at it as if he were a frown and a formal bend. Mr. Chilreading, but would remain for a whole lip, discomfited, goes into a corner, hour without turning the leaf, and then keeping me with him, and opens his put it down and walk to and fro in the mouth no more. room. I used to sit with folded hands I remark this, because I remark watching him, and counting his foot- everything that happens, not because I steps, hour after hour. He very seldom care about myself, or have done since I spoke to her, and never to me. He came home. And now the bell begins seemed to be the only restless thing ex- to sound, and Mr. Omer and another 74 PERSON2AL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE come to make us ready. As Peggotty Events of later date have floated from was wont to tell me, long ago, the fol- me to the shore where all forgotten lowers of my father to the same grave things will reappear; but this stands were made ready in the same room. like a. high rock in the ocean. There are Mr. Murdstone, our neigh- I knew that Peggotty would come to bor Mr. Grayper, Mr. Chillip, and I. me in my room. The Sabbath stillness When we go out to the door, the bear- of the time (the day was so like Suners and their load are in the garden; day! I have forgotten that) was suited and they move before us down the to us both. She sat down by my side path, and past the elms, and through upon my little bed, and, holding m3 the gate, and into the churchyard, hand, and sometimes putting it to her where I have so often heard the birds lips, and sometimes smoothing it with sing on a summer morning. hers, as she might have comforted my We stand around the grave. The little brother, told me, in her way, all day seems different to me from every that she had to tell concerning what other day, and the light not of the same had happened. color, —of a sadder color. Now there is a solemn hush, which we have " She was never well," said Peggotty, brought from home with what is resting "for a long time. She was uncertain in the mould; and, while we stand bare- in her mind, and not happy. When headed, I hear the voice of the clergy- her baby was born, I thought at first man, sounding remote in the open air, she would get better, but she was more and yet distinct and plain, saying, delicate, and sunk a little every.day. " I am the Resurrection and the Life, She used to like to sit alone before her saith the Lord " Then I hear sobs; baby came, and then she cried; but and, standing apart among the lookers- afterwards she used to sing to it, -so on, I see that good and faithful servant, soft, that I once thought, when I heard whom of all the people upon earth I her, it was like a voice up in the air, love the best, and unto whom my child- that was rising away. ish heart is certain that the Lord will "I think she got to be more timid, one day say, "Well done." and more frightened-like, of late; and There are many faces that I know, that a hard word was like a blow to among the little crowd,-faces that I her. But she was always the same to knew in church, when mine was always me. She never changed to her foolish wondering there,-faces that first saw Peggotty, didn't my sweet girl." my mother, when she came to the vil- Here Peggotty stopped, and softly lage in her youthful bloom. I do not beat upon my hand a little while. mind them,- I mind nothing but my "The last time that I saw her like grief,- and yet I see and know them her own old self was the night when all, and even in the background, far you came home, my dear. The day away, see Minnie looking on, and her you went away she said to me,'I eye glancing on her sweetheart, who is never shall see my pretty darling again. near me. Something tells me so, that tells the It is over, and the earth is filled in, truth, I know.' and we turn to come away. Before us " She tried to hold up after that; and stands our house, so pretty and un- many a time, when they told her she changed, so linked in my mind with the was thoughtless and light - hearted, young idea of what is gone, that all my made believe to be so; but it was all a sorrow has been nothing to the sorrow bygone then. She never told her husit calls forth. But they take me on; band what she had told me, -she was and Mr. Chillip talks to me; and when afraid of saying it to anybody else, - till we get home, put some water to my one night, a little more than a week belips; and when I ask his leave to go up fore it happened, when she said to him, to my room, dismisses me with the' My dear, I think I am dying.' gentleness of a woman. "'It's off my mind now, Peggotty,' All this, I say, is yesterday's event. she told me, when I laid her in her OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 73 bed that night.'He will believe it Thus ended Peggotty's narration. more and more, poor fellow, every day From the moment of my knowing of for a few days to come; and then it the death of my mother, the. idea of will be past. -I am very tired. If this her as she had been of late had vanis sleep, sit by me while I sleep: don't ished from me. I remembered her, leave me. God bless both my chil- from that instant, only as the young dren I God protect and keep my fa- mother of my earliest impressions, who therless boy I' had been used to wind her bright curls "I never left her afterwards," said round and round her finger, and to dance Peggotty. "She often talked to them with me at twilight in the parlor. What two down stairs, - for she loved them; Peggotty had told me now was so far she could n't bear not to love any one fiom bringing me back to the later who was about her,-but when they period, that it rooted the earlier image went away from her bedside, she al- in my mind. It may be curious, but ways turned to me, as if there was rest it is true. In her death she winged where Peggotty was, and never fell her way back to her calm untroubled asleep in any other way. youth, and cancelled all the rest. "On the last night, in the evening, The mother who lay in the grave was she kissed me, and said:'If my baby the mother of my infancy; the little should die too, Peggotty, please let creature in her arms was myself, as I them lay him in my arms, and bury us had once been, hushed forever on her together.' (It was done; for-the poor bosom. lamb lived but a day beyond her.)'Let my dearest boy go with us to our resting-place,' she said,'and tell him CHAPTER X. that his mother, when she lay here, blessed him, not once, but a thousand I BECOME NEGLECTED, AND AM PROtimes.'" VIDED FOR. Another silence followed this, and another gentle beating on my hand. THE first act of business Miss Murd" It was pretty far in the night," said stone performed when the day of the soPeggotty, " when she asked me for some lemnity was over, and light was freely drink, and, when she had taken it, gave admitted into the house, was to give me such a patient smile, the dear 1 - so Peggotty a month's- warning. Much as beautiful!- Peggotty would have disliked such a "Daybreak had come, and the sun service, I believe she would have rewas rising, when she said to me, how tained it, for my sake, in preference kind and considerate Mr. Copperfield to the best upon earth. She told me had always been to her, and how he we must part, and told me why; and had borne with her, and had told her, we condoled with one another in all when she doubted herself, that a lov- sincerity. ing heart was better and stronger than As to me or my future, not a word wisdom, and that he was a happy man was said or a step taken. Happy they in hers.' Peggotty, my dear,' she said would have been, I dare say, if they then,'put me nearer to you,' for she could have dismissed me at a month's was very weak.'Lay your good arm warning too. I mustered courage once underneath my neck,' she said,'and to ask Miss Murdstone whetr I was goturn me to you, for your face is going ing back to school; and she answered, far off, and I want it to be near.' I dryly, she believed I was not going put it as she asked, and, 0 Davy! the back at all. I was told nothing more. time had come when my first parting I was very anxious to know what was words to you were true, -when she going to be done with me, and so was was glad to lay her poor head on her Peggotty; but neither she nor I could stupid cross old Peggotty's arm, -and pick up any information on the subject. she died like a child that had gone to There was one change in my condition, sleepl " which, while it relieved me of a great 76 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE deal of present uneasiness, might have moment, sitting by the fireside with made me, if I had been capable of con- Miss Murdstone; but if I was to go in, sidering it closely, yet more uncomfort- Peggotty, he would be something beable about the future. It was this. The sides." constraint that had been put upon me "What would he be?" said Pegwas quite abandoned. I was so far gotty. from being required to keep my dull "Angry," I answered, with an inpost in the parlor, that, on several oc- voluntary imitation of his dark frown. casions, when I took my seat there, "If he was only sorry, he would n't Miss Murdstone frowned to me to go look at me as he does. I am.only sorry, away. I was so far from being warned and it makes me feel kinder." off from Peggotty's society, that, pro- Peggotty said nothing for a little vided I was not in Mr. Murdstone's, while; and I warmed my hands a$ I was never sought out or inquired for. silent as she. At first I was in daily dread of his tak- " Davy," she said at length. ing my education in hand again, or of " Yes, Peggotty? " Miss Murdstone's devoting herself to "I have tried, my dear, all ways I it; but I soon began to think that such could think of, -all the ways there fears were groundless, and that all I had are, and all the ways there ain't, in to anticipate was neglect. short, -to get a suitable service here, I do not conceive that this discovery in Blunderstone; but there's no such gave me much pain then. I was still a thing, my love." giddy with the shock of my mother's " And what do you mean to do, Pegdeath, and in a kind of stunned state as gotty?" said I, wistfully. "Do you to all tributary things. I can recollect, mean to go and seek your fortune? " indeed, to have speculated, at odd times, " I expect I shall be forced to go to on the possibility of my not being taught Yarmouth," replied Peggotty, "and any more, or cared for any more, and live there." growing up to be a shabby, moody man, "You might have gone farther off," I lounging an idle life away, about the said, brightening a little, "and been as village; as well as on the feasibility of bad as lost. I shall see you sometimes, my getting rid of this picture by going my dear old Peggotty, there. You away somewhere, like the hero in a story, won't be quite at the other end of the to seek my fortune; but these were world, will you?" transient visions, day-dreams I sat look- "Contrairy-ways, please God!" cried ing at sometimes, as if they were faintly Peggotty, with great animation. "As painted or written on the wall of my long as you are here, my pet, I shall room, and which, as they melted away, come over every week of my life to see left the wall blank again. you. One day every week of my "Peggotty," I said in a thoughtful life!" whisper, one evening, when I was I felt a great weight taken off my warming my hands at the kitchen fire, mind by this promise; but even this "Mr. Murdstone likes me less than he was not all, for Peggotty went on to used to. He never liked me much, say, - Peggotty; but he would rather not even " I'm a going, Davy, you see, to my see me now, if he can help it." brother's first, for another fortnight's "Perhaps it's his sorrow,", said visit, -just till I have had time to look Peggotty, stroking my hair. about me, and get to be something like "I am sure, Peggotty, I am sorr myself again. Now, I have been thinktoo. If I believed it was his sorrow, I ing, that perhaps, as they don't want should not think of it at all. But it's you here at present, you might be let not that; 0 no, it's not that." to go along with me." "How do you know it's not that?" If anything short of being in a differsaid Peggotty, after a silence. ent relation to every one about me, "0, his sorrow is another and quite Peggotty excepted, could have given a different thing. He is sorry at this me a sense of pleasure at that timte, it OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 77 would have been this project of all Peggotty was naturally in low spirits others. The idea of being again sur- at leaving what had been her home so rounded by those honest faces, shining many years, and where the two strong welcome on me, - of renewing the peace- attachments of her life - for my mother fulness of the sweet Sunday morning, and myself —had been formed. She when the bells were ringing, the stones had been walking in the churchyard, dropping in the water, and the shadowy too, very early; and she got into the ships breaking through the mist, -of cart, and sat in it with her handkerchief roaming up and down with little Em'ly, at her eyes. telling her my troubles, and finding So long as she remained in this concharms against them in the shells and dition, Mr. Barkis gave no sign of life pebbles on the beach,- made a calm in whatever. He sat in his usual place my heart. It was ruffled next moment, and attitude, like a great stuffed figure. to be sure, by a doubt of Miss Murd- But when she began to look about her, stone's giving her consent; but even and to speak to me, he nodded his head that was set at rest soon; for she came and grinned several-times. I have not out to take an evening grope in the the least notion at whom, or what he store-closet, while we were yet in con- meant by it. versation, and Peggotty, with a bold- " It's a beautiful day, Mr. Barkis 1" ness that amazed me, broached the topic I said, as an act of politeness. on the spot. "It ain't bad," said Mr. Barkis, who "The boy will be idle there," said generally qualified his speech, and rareMiss Murdstone, looking into a pickle- y committed himself. jar; " and idleness is the root of all evil. "Peggotty is quite comfortable now, But, to be sure, he would be idle here, Mr. Barkis," I remarked, for his satis- or anywhere, in my opinion." faction. Peggotty had an angry answer ready, "Is she, though!" said Mr. Barkis. I could see; but she swallowed it for After reflecting about it, with a sagamy sake, and remained silent. cious air, Mr. Barkis eyed her, and "Humph!" said Miss Murdstone, said, - still keeping her eye on the pickles; "A re you pretty comfortable?" "it is of more importance than any- Peggotty laughed, and answered in thing else- it is of paramount impor- the affirmative. tance —that my brother should not be "But really and truly, you know. disturbed or made uncomfortable. I Are you?" growled Mr. Barkis, sliding suppose I had better say yes." nearer to her on the seat, and nudging I thanked her, without making any her with his elbow. "Are you? Realdemonstration of joy, lest it should in- ly and truly pretty comfortable? Are duce her to withdraw her assent. Nor you? Eh?" At each of these inquicould I help thinking this a prudent ries Mr. Barkis shuffled nearer to her, course, when she looked at me out of the and gave her another nudge; so that at pickle-jar with as great an access of sour- last we were all crowded together in the ness as if her black eyes had absorbed left-hand corner of the cart, and I was its contents. However, the permission so squeezed that I could hardly bear it. was given, and was never retracted; Peggotty calling his attention to my for when the month was out, Peggotty sufferings, Mr. Barkis gave me a little and I were ready to depart. more room at once, and got away by Mr. Barkis came into the house for degrees. But I could not help observPeggotty's boxes. I had never known ing that he seemed to think he had hit him to pass the garden gate before, but upon a wonderful expedient for expresson this occasion he came into the house. ing himself in a neat, agreeable, and And he gave me a look as he shouldered pointed manner, without the inconventhe largest box and went out, which I lence of inventing conversation. He thought had meaning in it, if meaning manifestly chuckled over it for some could ever be said to find its way into time. By and by he turned to PeggotMr. Barkis's visage. ty again, aid repeating, "Are you 78 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE pretty comfortable, though?" bore in his face for an hour, and most asdown upon us as before, until the breath suredly should have got as much inforwas nearly wedged out of my body. mation out of it as out of the face of a By and by he made another descent clock that had stopped, but for Peggotupon us with the same inquiry, and the ty's calling me away. As we were gosame result. At length, I gotup when- ing along, she asked me what he had ever I saw him coming, and, standing said; and I told her he had said it was on the foot-board, pretended to look at all right. the prospect; after which I did very "Like his impudence," said Pegwell. gotty; "but I don't mind that! Davy He was so polite as to stop at a pub- dear, what should you think if I was to lic-house, expressly on our account, and think of being married! " entertain us with broiled mutton and "Why- I suppose you would like beer. Even when Peggotty was in the me as much then, Peggotty, as you do act of drinking, he was seized with one now?" I returned, after a little considof those approaches, and almost choked eration. her. But as we drew nearer to the end Greatly to the astonishment of the of our journey, he had more to do and passengers in the street, as well as of less time for gallantry; and when we her relations going on before, the good got on Yarmouth pavement, we were soul was obliged to stop and embrace all too much shaken and jolted, I ap- me on the spot, with many protestations prehend, to have any leisure for any- of her unalterable love. thing else. "Tell me what should you say, darMr. Peggotty and Ham waited for us ling? " she asked again, when this was at the. old place. They received me over, and we were walking on. and Peggotty in an affectionate man- " If you were thinking of being marner, and shook hands with Mr. Barkis, ried - to Mr. Barkis, Peggotty?" who, with his hat on the very back of "Yes," said Peggotty. his head, and a shamefaced leer upon " I should think it would be a very his countenance, and pervading his good thing. For then, you know, Pegvery legs, presented but a vacant ap- gotty, you would always have the horse pearance, I thought. They each took and cart to bring you over to see me, one of Peggotty's trunks, and we were and could come for nothing, and be sure oing away, when Mr. Barkis solemn- of coming." ly made a sign to me with his forefin- "The sense of the dear! " cried Pegger to come under an archway. gotty. "What I have been thinking of " I say," growled Mr. Barkis, "it this month back! Yes, my precious; was all right." and I think I should be more indepenI looked up into his face, and an- dent altogether, you see; let alone my swered, with an attempt to be very pro- working with a better heart in my own found, "Oh!" house, than I could in anybody else's "It didn't come to a end there," now. I don't know what I might be fit said Mr. Barkis, nodding confidential- for, now, as a servant to a stranger. ly. "It was all right." And I shall be always near my pretty's Again I answered "Oh!" resting-place," said Peggotty, musing, "You know who was willin'," said "and be able to see it when I like; my friend. " It was Barkis, and Bar- and when I lie down to rest, I may be kis only." laid not far off from my darling girl! " I nodded assent. We neither of us said anything for a "It's all right," saia Mr. Barkis, little while. shaking hands. "I'm a friend of "But I would n't so much as give it yourn. You made it all right, first. another thought," said Peggotty, cheerIt's all right." ily,' if my Davy was anyways against In his attempts to be particularly lu- it, -not if I had been asked in church cid, Mr. Barkis was so extremely mys- thirty times three times over, and was terious that I might have stood looking wearing out the ring in my pocket." ;a~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i MR. PEGGOTTYI H MR. PEGGOTTY, HAM, AND MRS. GUMMID MR. PEGGOTTY, HAM, AND MRS. GUMMIDGrE. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 79 "Look at me, Peggotty," I replied; blowing the fire. Mr. Peggotty, look"and see if I am not really glad, and ing round upon us while she was so endon't truly wish it! " As indeed I did, gaged, said in a low voice, which he with all my heart. shaded with his hand, "The old'un!" " Well, my life," said Peggotty, giv- From this I rightly conjectured that no ing me a squeeze, "I have thought of improvement had taken place since my it night and day, every way I can, and last visit in the state of Mrs. GumI hope the right way; but I'11 think of midge's spirits. it again, and speak to my brother about Now, the whole place was, or it it, and in the mean time we'11 keep it should have been, quite as delightful to ourselves, Davy, you and me. Bar- a place as ever; and yet it did not kis is a good plain creetur'," said Peg- impress me in the same way. I felt gotty, "and if I tried to do my duty by rather disappointed with it. Perhaps him, I think it would be my fault if I it was because little Em'ly was not at was n't -if I wasn't pretty comforta- home. I knew the way by which she ble," said Peggotty, laughing heartily. would come, and presently found myThis quotation from Mr. Barkis was self strolling along the path to meet so appropriate, and tickled'us both so her. much, that we laughed again and again, A figure appeared in the distance and were quite in a pleasant humor before long, and I soon knew it to be when we came in view of Mr. Peg- Em'ly, who was a little creature still in gotty's cottage. stature, though she was grown. But It looked just the same, except that when she drew nearer, and I saw her it may, perhaps, have shrunk a little in blue eyes looking bluer, and her dimmy eyes; and Mrs. Gummidge was pled face looking brighter, and her own waiting at the door as if she had stood self prettier and gayer, a curious feeling there ever since. All within was the came over me that made me pretend not same, down to the sea-weed in the blue to know her, and pass by as if I were mug in my bedroom. I went into the looking at something a long way off. I out-house to look about me; and the have done such a thing since in later very same lobsters, crabs, and crawfish, life, or I am mistaken. possessed by the same desire to pinch Little Em'ly did n't care a bit. She the world in general, appeared to be in saw me well enough; but, instead of the same state of conglomeration in the turning round and calling after me, ran same old corner. away laughing. This obliged me to run But there was no little Em'ly to be after her, and she ran so fast that we seen, so I asked Mr. Peggotty where were very near the cottage before I she was. caught her. "She's at school, sir," said Mr. "0, it's you, is it?" said little Peggotty, wiping the heat consequent Em'ly. on the porterage of Peggotty's box from " Why, you knew who it was, Em'his forehead. "She'll be home," ly," said I. looking at the Dutch clock, "in from "And did n'tyou know who it was?" twenty minutes to half an hour's time. said Em'ly. I was going to kiss her, We all on us feel the loss of her, bless but she covered her cherry lips with her ye! " hands, and. said she was n't a baby now, Mrs. Gummidge moaned. and ran away, laughing more than ever, "Cheer up, mawther I" cried Mr. into the house. Peggotty. She seemed to delight in teasing me, " I feel it more than anybody else," which was a change in her I wondered said Mrs. Gummidge. " I'm a lone at very much. The tea-table was ready, lorn creetur', and she used to be a'most and our little locker was put out in its the only think that did n't go contrairy old place; but, instead of coming to sit with me." by me, she went and bestowed her Mrs. Gummidge, whimpering and company upon that grumbling Mrs. shaking her head, applied herself to Gummidge; and on Mr. Peggotty's 8o PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE inquiring why, rumpled her hair all "And ye steer wvith a rudder, don't ye? over her face to hide it, and would do It ain't fur off. How is he, sir.?" nothing but laugh.'He was very well indeed when I " A little puss it is! " said Mr. Peg- came away, Mr. Peggotty." gotty, patting her with his great hand. "There's a friend! " said Mr. Peg"So sh' is! so sh' is!" cried Ham. gotty, stretching out his pipe. "There s "Mas'r Davy bor', so sh' is! " and lie a friend, if you talk of friends! Why, sat and chuckled at her for some time, in Lord love my heart alive, if it ain't a a state of mingled admiration and de- treat to look at him!" light, that made his face a burning red. " He is very handsome, is he not?" Little Em'ly was spoiled by them all, said I, my heart warming with this in fact, and by no one more than Mr. praise. Peggotty himself, whom she could have " Handsome I" cried Mr. Peggotty. coaxed into anything, by only going and "He stands up to you like - like a - laying her cheek against his rough whis- why I don't know what he don't stand ker. That was my opinion, at least, up to you like. He's so bold I " when I saw her do it; and I held Mr. "Yes! That's just his character," Peggotty to be thoroughly in the right. said I. "He's as brave as a lion, and But she was so affectionate and sweet- you can't think how frank he is, Mr. natured, and had such a pleasant man- Peggotty." ner of being both sly and shy at once, "And I do suppose, now," said Mr. that she captivated me more than ever. Peggotty, looking at me through the She was tender-hearted, too; for smoke of his pipe, "that in the way of when, as we sat round the fire after tea, book-learning he'd take the wind out an allusion was made by Mr. Peggotty of a'most anything." over his pipe to the loss I had sustained, " Yes," said I, delighted; "he knows the tears stood in her eyes, and she everything. He is astonishingly clevlooked at me so kindly across the table er." that I felt quite thankful to her. "There's a friend! " murmured Mr. "Ah!" said Mr. Peggotty, taking up Peggotty, with a grave toss of his head. her curls, and running them over his "Nothing seems to cost him any trouhand like water, "here's another or- ble," said I. " He knows a task if he phan, you see, sir. And here," said only looks at it. He is.the best cricketer Mr. Peggotty, giving Ham a back- you ever saw. He will give you almost handed knock in the chest, "is another as many men as vou like at draughts, of'em, though he don't look much like and beat you easily." it." Mr. Peggotty gave his head another " If I had you for my guardian, Mr. toss, as much as to say, -" Of course Peggotty," said I, shaking my head, he will." " I don't think I shouldfeel much like "He is such a speaker," I pursued, it." "that he can win anybody over; and I " Well said, Mas'r Davy, bor'! " cried don't know what you'd say if you were Ham in an ecstasy. " Hoorah! Well to hear him sing, Mr. Peggotty." said! Nor more you wouldn't! Hor!- Mr. Peggotty gave his head another Hor!" Here he returned Mr. Peg- toss, as much as to say, "I have no gotty's back-hander, and little Em'ly doubt of it." got up and kissed Mr. Peggotty. "Then, he's such a generous, fine, "And how's your friend, sir?" said noble fellow," said I, quite carried Mr. Peggotty to me. away by my favorite theme, " that it's "Steerforth? " said I. hardly possible to give him as much "That's the name! " cried Mr. Peg' praise as he deserves. I am sure I can gotty, turning to Ham. " I knowed it never feel thankful enough for the genwas something in our way." erosity with which he has protected me, "You said it was Rudderford," ob- so much younger and lower in the school served Ham, laughing. than himself." "Well!" retorted Mr. Peggotty. I was running on, very fast indeed, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 8r'when my eyes rested on little Em'ly's The best times were when she sat quietface, which was bent forward over the ly at work in the doorway, and I sat on table, listening with the deepest atten- the wooden step at her feet; reading to tion, her breath held, her blue eyes her. It seems to me at this hour, that sparkling like jewels, and the color 1 have never seen such sunlight as on mantling in her cheeks. She looked those bright April afternoons; that I so extraordinarily earnest and pretty, have never seen such a sunny little that I stopped in a sort of wonder; figure as I used to see sitting in the and they all observed her at the same doorway of the old boat; that I have time; for, as I stopped, they laughed never beheld such sky, such water, such and looked at her. glorified ships sailing away into golden "Em'ly is like me," said Peggotty, air. "and would like to see him:" On the very first evening after our arEm'ly was confused by our all observ- rival, Mr. Barkis appeared in an exceeding her, and hung down her head, and ingly vacant and awkward condition, and her face was covered with blushes. with a bundle of oranges tied up in a Glancing up presently through her stray handkerchief. As he made no allusion curls, and seeing that we were all look- of any kind to this property, he was suping at her still (I am sure I, for one, posed to have left it behind him by accould have looked at her for hours), cident when he went away; until Ham, she ran away, and kept away till it was running after him to restore it, came back nearly bedtime. with the information that it was intended I lay down in the old little bed in the for Peggotty. After that occasion he stern of the boat, and the wind came appeared every evening at exactly the moaning on across the flat as it had same hour, and always with a little done before. But I could not help fan- bundle, to which he never alluded, and eying, now, that it moaned of those who which he regularly put behind the door, were gone; and, instead of thinking that and left there. These offerings of affecthe sea might rise in the night and float tion were of a most various and eccentric the boat away, I thought of the sea description. Among them I remember that had risen, since I last heard those a double set of pigs' trotters, a huge pinsounds, and drowned my happy home. cushion, half a bushel or so of apples, a I recollect, as the wind and water began pair of jet earrings, some Spanish onto sound fainter in my ears, putting a ions, a box of dominoes, a canary bird short clause into my prayers, petition- and cage, and a leg of pickled pork. ing that I might grow up to marry Mr. Barkis's wooing, as I remember little Em'ly, and so dropping lovingly it, was altogether of a peculiar kind. asleep. He very seldom said anything, but The days passed pretty much as they would sit by the fire in much the same had passed before, except -it was a attitude as he sat in his cart, and stare great exception-that little Em'ly and heavily at Peggotty, who was opposite. I seldom wandered on the beach now. One night, being, as I suppose, inShe had tasks to learn, and needlework spired by love, he made a dart at the to do, and was absent during a great bit of wax-candle she kept for her part of each day. But I felt that we thread, and put it in his waistcoat-pockshould not have had these old wander- et - and carried it off. After that, his ings, even if it had been otherwise. Wild great delight was to produce it when it and full of childish whims as Em'ly was, was wanted, sticking to the' lining of she was more of a little woman than I his pocket, in a partially melted state, had supposed. She seemed to have got and pocket it again when it was done a great distance away from me, in little with. He seemed to enjoy himself more than a year. She liked me; but she very much, and not to feel at all called laughed at me, and tormented me, and, upon to talk. Even when he took when I went to meet her, stole home Peggotty out for a walk on the flats, he another way, and was laughing at the had no uneasiness on that head, I bedoor, when I came back, disappointed. lieve; contenting himself with now and 6 82 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE then asking her if she was pretty corn- don't go contrairy with you, nor you fortable; and I remember that some- with them; you had better do it yourtimes, after he was gone, Peggotty self." would throw her apron over her face, But here Peggotty, who had been and laugh for half an hour. Indeed, going about from one to another in a we were all more or less amused, except hurried way, kissing everybody, called that miserable Mrs. Gummidge, whose out from the cart, in which we all were courtship would appear to have been of by this time (Em'ly and I on two little an exactly parallel nature, she was so chairs, side by side), that Mrs. Gumcontinually reminded by these transac- midge must do it. So Mrs. Gummidge tions of the old one. did it; and, I am sorry to relate, cast At length, when the term of my visit a damp upon the festive character of was nearly expired, it was given out our departure, by immediately bursting that Peggotty and Mr. Barkis were into tears, and sinking subdued into going to make a day's holiday together, the arms of Ham, with the declaration and that little Em'ly and I were to ac- that she knowed she was a burden, and company them. I had but a broken had better be carried to the House at sleep the night before, in anticipation once. Which I really thought was a of the pleasure of a whole day with sensible idea, that Ham might have Em'ly. We were all astir betimes in acted on. the morning; and while we were yet at Away we went, however, on our breakfast, Mr. Barkis appeared in the holiday excursion; and the first thing distance, driving a chaise-cart towards we did was to stop at a church, where the object of his affections. Mr. Barkis tied the horse to some Peggotty was dressed as usual, in her rails, and went in with Peggotty, leavneat and quiet mourning; but Mr. ing little Em'ly and me alone in the Barkis bloomed in a new blue coat, of chaise. I took that occasion to put my which the tailor had given him such arm round Em'ly's waist, and propose good measure that the cuffs would that as I was going away so very soon have rendered gloves unnecessary in now, we should determine to be very the coldest weather, while the collar affectionate to one another, and very was so high that it pushed his hair up happy all day. Little Em'ly consenton end on the top of his head. His ing, and allowing me to kiss her, I bebright buttons, too, were of the largest came desperate; informing her, I recolsize. Rendered complete by drab pan- lect, that I never could love another, taloons and a buff waistcoat, I thought and that I was prepared to shed the Mr. Barkis a phenomenon of respecta- blood of anybody who should aspire bility. to her affections. When we were all in a bustle outside How merry little Em'ly made herself the door, I found that Mr. Peggotty about it! With what a demure aswas prepared with an old shoe, which sumption of being immensely older and was to be thrown after us for luck, and wiser than I, the fairy little woman said which he offered to Mrs. Gummidge I was "a silly boy," and then laughed for that purpose. so charmingly that I forgot the pain of "No. It had better be done by being called by that disparaging name, somebody else, Dan'l," said Mrs. in the pleasure of looking at her. Gummidge. "I'm a lone lorn cree- Mr. Barkis and Peggotty were a tur' myse, and everythink that reminds good while in the church, but came out me of creetur's that ain't lone and lorn, at last, and then we drove away into goes contrairy with me." the country. As we were going along, "Come, old gal! " cried Mr. Peg- Mr. Barkis turned to me, and said, gotty. "Take and heave it!" with a wink, -by the by, I should "No, Dan'l," returned Mrs. Gum- hardly have thought, before, that he midge, whimpering and shaking her could wink,head. " If I felt less, I could do more. "What name was it as I wrote up in You don't feel like me, Dan'l; thinks the cart?" ,~.ih;:;~~~~,~1 ~ ~ 0;; Iii I:I;~~~~~~ R~~~~// / I i~~~~~~~~f I"(/rfI ~ OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 83 "Clara Peggotty," I answered. I was "a young Roeshus,"-by which "What name would it be as I should I think he meant, prodigy. write up now, if there was a tilt here? " When we had exhausted the subject "Clara Peggotty, again," I suggest- of the stars, or rather when I had exed. hausted the mental faculties of Mr. "Clara Peggotty BARKIS!" he re- Barkis, little Em'ly and I made a cloak turned, and burst into a roar of laugh- of an old wrapper, and sat under it for ter that shook the chaise. the rest of the journey. Ah, how I In a word, they were married, and loved her! What happiness (I thought) had gone into the church for no other if we were married, and were going purpose. Peggotty was resolved that it away anywhere to live among the trees should be quietly done; and the clerk and in the fields, never growing older, had given her away; and there had been never growing wiser, children ever, no witnesses of the ceremony. She was rambling hand in hand through suna little confused when Mr. Barkis made shine and among flowery meadows, laythis abrupt announcement of their ing down our heads on moss at night, union, and could not hug me enough in in a sweet sleep of purity and peace, token of her unimpaired affection; but and buried by the birds when we were she soon became herself again, and dead! Some such picture, with no said she was very glad it was over. real world in it, bright with the light of We drove to a little inn in a by-road, our innocence, and vague as the stars where we were expected, and where afar off, was in my mind all the way. we had a very comfortable dinner, and I am glad to think there were two such passed the day with great satisfaction. guileless hearts at Peggotty's marriage If Peggotty had been married every day as little Em'ly's and mine. I am glad for the last ten years, she could hardly to think the Loves and Graces took have been more at her ease about it. such airy forms in its homely procesIt made no sort of difference in her: sion. she was just the same as ever, and Well, we came to the old boat again went out for a stroll with little Em'ly in good time at night; and there Mr. and me before tea, while Mr. Barkis and Mrs. Barkis bade us good by, and philosophically smoked his pipe, and drove away snugly to their own home. enjoyed himself, I suppose, with the I felt then, for the first time, that I had contemplation of his happiness. If so, lost Peggotty. I should have gone to it sharpened his appetite; for I dis- bed with a sore heart indeed under any tinctly call to mind, that, although he other roof but that which sheltered little had eaten a good deal of pork and Em'ly's head. greens at dinner, and had finished off Mr. Peggotty and Ham knew what with a fowl or two, he was obliged to was in my thoughts as well as I did, have cold boiled bacon for tea, and dis- and were ready with some supper and posed of a large quantity without any their hospitable faces to drive it away. emotion. Little Em'ly came and sat beside me I have often thought, since, what an on the locker for the only time in all odd, innocent, out-of-the-way kind of that visit; and it was altogether a wonwedding it must have been! We got derful close to a wonderful day. into the chaise again soon after dark, It was a night tide; and soon after and drove cosily back, looking up at the we went to bed, Mr. Peggotty and stars, and talking about them. I was Ham went out to fish. I felt very their chief exponent, and opened Mr. brave at being left alone in the solitary Barkis's mind to an amazing extent. house, the protector of Em'ly and Mrs. I told him all I knew; but he would Gummidge, and only wished that a lion have believed anything I might have or a serpent, or any ill-disposed montaken it into my head to impart to him; ster, would make an attack upon us, for he had a profound veneration for that I might destroy him, and cover mymy abilities, and informed his wife in self with glory. But as nothing of the Mfy hearing, on that very occasion, that sort happened to be walking about on 84 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Yarmouth flats that night, I provided the morning, and I went home in the the best substitute I could, by dreaming morning, with herself and Mr. Barkis of dragons until morning. in the cart. They left me at the gate, With morning came Peggctty, who not easily or lightly; and it was a called to me, as usual, under my win- strange sight to me to see the cart go dow, as if Mr. Barkis the carrier had on, taking Peggotty away, and leaving been from first to last a dream too. me under the old elm-trees looking at After breakfast she took me to her own the house in which there was no face to home, and a beautiful little home it look on mine with love or liking any was. Of all the movables in it, I must more. have been most impressed by a certain And now I fell into a state of neglect old bureau of some dark wood in the which I cannot look back upon without parlor (the tile-floored kitchen was the compassion. I fell at once into a soligeneral sitting-room), with a retreating tary condition, - apart from all friendly top, which opened, let down, and be- notice, apart from the society of all camre a desk, within which was a large other boys of my own age, apart from quarto edition of Fox's Book of Mar- all companionship but my own spirittyrs. This precious volume, of which I less thoughts, -which seems to cast its do not recollect one word, I immediate- gloom upon this paper as I write. ly discovered and immediately applied What would I have given, to have myself to; and I never visited the been sent to the hardest school that house afterwards, but I kneeled on a ever was kept! -to have been taught chair, opened the casket where this something, anyhow, anywhere! No gem was enshrined, spread my arms such hope dawned upon me. They disover the desk, and fell to devouring the liked me; and they sullenly, sternly, book afresh. I was chiefly edified, I steadily overlooked me. I think Mr. am afraid, by the pictures, which were Murdstone's means were straitened at numerous, and represented all kinds of about this time; but it is little to the dismal horrors; but the Martyrs and purpose. He could not bear me; and Peggotty's house have been insepara- in putting me from him he tried, as I ble in my mind ever since, and are believe, to put away the notion that I now. had any claim upon him, - and sucI took leave of Mr. Peggotty and ceeded. Ham and Mrs. Gummidge and little I was not actively ill used. I was not Em'ly that day, and passed the night beaten, or starved; but the wrong that at Peggotty's, in a little room in the was done to me had no intervals of reroof (with the crocodile-book on a shelf lenting, and was done in a systematic, by the bed's head), which was to be passionless manner. Day after day, always mine, Peggotty said, and should week after week, month after month, I always be kept for me in exactly the was coldly neglected. I wonder somesame state. times, when I think of it, what they "Young or old, Davy dear, as long would have done if I had been taken as I am alive and have this house over with an illness, -whether I should have my head," said Peggotty, "you shall lain down in my lonely room, and lanfind it as if I expected you here directly guished through it in my usual solitary minute. I shall keep it every day, as I way, or whether anybody would have used to keep your old little room, my helped me out. darling; and if you was to go to China, When Mr. and Miss Murdstone were you might think of it as being kept just at home, I took my meals with them; the same all the time you were away." in their absence, I ate and drank by I felt the truth and constancy of my myself At all times I lounged about dear old nurse, with all my heart, and the house and neighborhood quite disthanked her as well as I could. That regarded, except that they were jealous was not very well; for she spoke to me of my making any friends, thinking thus, with her arms round my neck, in perhaps, that, if I did, I might complain the morning, and I was going home in to some one. For this reason, though OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 85 Mr. Chillip often asked me to go and our house, I came upon Mr. Murdstone see him (he was a widower, having, walking with a gentleman. I was consome years before that, lost a little fused, and was going by them, when the small light-haired wife, whom I can gentleman cried, - just remember connecting in my own "What I Brooks!" thoughts with a pale tortoise-shell cat), "No, sir, David Copperfield," I it was but seldom that I enjoyed the said. happiness of passing an afternoon in "Don't tell me. You are Brooks," his closet of a surgery; reading some said the gentleman. " You are Brooks book that was new to me, with the of Sheffield. That's your name." smell of the whole pharmacopoeia com- At these words, I observed the gening up my nose, or pounding something tleman more attentively. His laugh in a mortar under his mild directions. coming to my remembrance too, I For the same reason, added no doubt knew him to be Mr. Quinion, whom I to the old dislike of her, I was seldom had gone over to Lowestoft with Mr. allowed to visit Peggotty. Faithful to Murdstone to see, before - it is no maather promise, she either came to see me, ter - I need not recall when. or met me somewhere near, once every " And how do you get on, and where week, and never empty-handed; but are you being educated, Brooks?" said many and bitter were the disappoint- Mr. Quinion. ments I had, in being refused permis- He had put his hand upon my shoulsion to pay a visit to her at her house. der, and turned me about, to walk with Some few times, however, at long in- them. I did not know what to reply, tervals, I was allowed to go there; and and glanced dubiously at Mr. Murdthen I found out that Mr. Barkis was stone. something of a miser, or, as Peggotty " He is at home at present," said the dutifully expressed it, was "a little latter. "He is not being educated anynear," and kept a heap of money in a where. I don't know what to do with box under his bed, which he pretended him. He is a difficult subject." was only full of coats and trdusers. In That old double look was on me for this coffer, his riches hid themselves a moment; and then his eye darkened with such a tenacious modesty that the with a frown, as it turned, in its aversmallest instalments could only be sion, elsewhere. tempted out by artifice; so that Peg- "Humph!" said Mr. Quinion, gotty had to prepare a long and elab- looking at us both, I thought. " Fine orate scheme, a very Gunpowder Plot, weather." for every Saturday's expenses. Silence ensued, and I was considerAll this time I was so conscious of ing how I could best disengage my the waste of any promise I had given, shoulder from his hand, and go away, and of my being utterly neglected, that when he said, - I should have been perfectly miserable, "I suppose you are a pretty sharp I have no doubt, but for the old books. fellow still? Eh, Brooks?" They were my only comfort; and I was " Ay! he is sharp enough," said Mr. as true to them as they were to me, and Murdstone, impatiently. "You had read them over and over I don't know better let him go. He will not thank how many times more. you for troubling him." I now approach a period of my life On this hint, Mr. Quinion released which I can never lose the remem- me, and I made the best of my way brance of, while I remember anything; home. Looking back as I turned into and the recollection of which has often, the front garden, I saw Mr. Murdstone without my invocation, come before me leaning against the wicket of the churchlike a ghost, and haunted happier times. yard, and Mr. Quinion talking to him. I had been out, one day, loitering They were both looking after me and I somewhere, in the listless, meditative felt that they were speaking of me. manner that my way of life engendered, Mr. Quinion lay at our house that'when, turning the corner of a lane near night. After breakfast, the next morn 86 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ing, I had put my chair away, and was mentioned, sir," I said, remembering going out of the room, when Mr. Murd- what I vaguely knew of his and his stone called me back. He then gravely sister's resources. " But I don't know repaired to another table, where his when." sister sat herself at her desk. Mr. "It does not matter when," he Quinion, with his hands in his pockets, returned. "Mr. Quinion manages that stood looking out of window; and I business." stood looking at them all. I glanced at the latter deferentially, "David," said Mr.- Murdstone, "to as he stood looking out of window. the young this is a world for action, - " Mr. Quinion suggests that it gives not for moping and droning in." employment to some other boys, and " As you do," added his sister. that he sees no reason why it should n't, " Jane Murdstone, leave it to me, if on the same terms, give employment to you please. I say, David, to the young you." this is a world for action, and not for " He having," Mr. Quinion observed moping and droning in. It is especial- in a low voice, and half turning round, ly so for a young boy of your disposi- " no other prospect, Murdstone." tion, which requires a great deal of cor- Mr. Murdstone, with an impatient, recting, and to which no greater ser- even an angry gesture, resumed, withvice can be done than to force it to con- out noticing what he had said:form to the ways of the working world, " Those terms are, that you will earn and to bend it and break it." enough for yourself to provide for your " For stubbornness won't do here," eating and drinking, and pocket-money. said his sister. "What it wants is, to Your lodging (which I have arranged be crushed. And crushed it must be. for) will be paid by me. So will your Shall be, too! " washing - " He gave her a look, half in remon- " - Which will be kept down to my strance, half in approval, and went estimate," said his sister. on:- "Your clothes will be looked after " I suppose you know, David, that I for you, too," said Mr. Murdstone; am not rich. At any rate, you know it "as you will not be able, yet awhile, to now. You have received some consid- get them for yourself. So you are now erable education already. Education is going to London, David, with Mr. costly; and even if it were not, and I Quinion, to begin the world on your could afford it, I am of opinion that it own account." would not be at all advantageous to you "In short, you are provided for," to be kept at a school. What is before observed his sister, "and will please you is a fight with the world; and the to do your duty." sooner you begin it the better." Though I quite understood that the I think it occurred to me that I had purpose of this announcement was to already begun it, in my poor way; but get rid of me, I have no distinct rememit occurs to me now, whether or no. brance whether it pleased or frightened "You have heard'the counting- me. My impression is, that I was in house' mentioned sometimes," said a state of confusion about it, and, Mr. Murdstone. oscillating between the two points, "The counting-house, sir?" I re- touched neither. Nor had I much time peated. for the clearing of my thoughts, as Mr. "Of Murdstone and Grinby, in the Quinion was to go upon the morrow. wine trade," he replied. Behold me, on the morrow, in a muchI suppose I looked uncertain, for he worn little white hat, with a black crape went -on hastily, - round it for my mother, a black jacket, "You have heard the'counting- and a pair of hard, stiff corduroy trousers, house' mentioned, or the business, or -which Miss Murdstone considered the cellars, or the wharf, or something the best armor for the legs in that about it." fight with the world which was now to "I think I have heard the business come off, - behold me so attired, and OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 87 with my little worldly all before me in first time, with my trembling hand in a small trunk, sitting, a lone lorn child Mr. Quiniofi's. (as Mrs. Gummidge might have said), Murdstone and Grinby's trade was in the post-chaise that was carrying among a good many kinds of people, Mr. Qulnion to the London coach at but an important branch of it was the Yarmouth! See how our house and supply of wines and spirits to certain church are lessening in the distance; packet ships. I forget now where they how the grave beneath the tree is chiefly went, but I think there were blotted out by intervening objects; how some among them that made voyages the spire points upward from my old both to the East and West Indies. I playground no more, and the sky is know that a great many empty bottles empty I were one of the consequences of this traffic, and that certain men and boys were employed to examine them against CHAPTER XI. the light, and reject those that were flawed, and to rinse and wash them. I BEGIN LIFE ON MY OWN ACCOUNT, When the empty bottles ran short, there AND DON'T LIKE IT. were labels to be pasted on full ones, or corks to be fitted to them, or seals to be I KNOW enough of the world now, to put upon the corks, or finished bottles have almost lost the capacity of being to be packed in casks. All this work much surprised by anything; but it is was nm work; and of the boys employed matter of some surprise to me, even upon it I was one. now, that I can have been so easily There were three or four of us, countthrown away at such an age. A child ing me. My working place was estabof excellent abilities, and with strong lished in a corner of the warehouse, powers of observation, quick, eager, where Mr. Quinion could see me, when delicate, and soon hurt bodily or men- he chose to stand up on the bottom rail tally, it seems wonderful to me that of his stool in the counting-house, and nobody should have made any sign in look at me through a window above my behalf. But none was made; and the desk. Hither, on the first morning I became, at ten years old, a little la- of my so auspiciously beginning life on boring hind in the service of Murdstone my own account, the oldest of the reguand Grinby. lar boys was summoned to show me my Murdstone and Grinby's warehouse business. Hisnamewas MickWalker, was at the water-side. It was down and he wore a ragged apron and a paper in Blackfriars. Modern improvements cap. He informed me that his father have altered the place; but it was the was a bargeman, and walked, in a black last house at the bottom of a narrow velvet head-dress, in the Lord Mayor's street, curving down hill to the river, Show. He also informed me that our with some stairs at the end, where peo- principal associate would be another ple took boat. It was a crazy old house boy whom he introduced by the - to me with a wharf of its own, abutting on the - extraordinary name of Mealy Potawater when the tide was in, and on the toes. I discovered, however, that this mud when the tide was out, and liter- youth had not been christened by that ally overrun with rats. Its panelled name, but that it had been bestowed rooms, discolored with the dirt and upon him in the warehouse, on account smoke of a hundred years, I dare say, of his complexion, which was pale or its decaying fliors and staircase, the mealy. Mealy's father was a watersqueaking and scuffling of the old gray man, who had the additional distinction rats down in the cellars, and the dirt of being a fireman, and was engaged as and rottenness of the place, are things, such at one of the large theatres, where not of many years ago, in my mind, but some young relation of Mealy's —I of the present instant. They are all think his little sister - did Imps in the before me, just as they were in the evil Pantomimes. hour when I went among them for the No words can express the secret ago 88 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ny of my soul as I sunk into this corn- my life; so I said I was very well, and panionship, compared these henceforth hoped he was. every-day associates with those of my "I am," said the stranger, "thank happier childhood, -not to say with Heaven, quite well. I have received a Steerforth, Traddles, and the rest of letter from Mr. Murdstone, in which he those boys, - and felt my hopes of grow- mentions that he would desire me to reing up to be a learned and distinguished ceive into an apartment in the rear of man crushed in my bosom. The deep re- my house, which is at present unoccumembrance of the sense I had of being ut- pied - and is, in short, to be let as a - terly without hope now, - of the shame I in short," said the stranger, with a smile felt in my position, - of the misery it was and in a burst of confidence, " as a bedto my young heart to believe that day room-the young beginner whom I by day what I had learned, and thought, have now the pleasure to-" and the and delighted in, and raised my fancy stranger.waved his hand, and settled and my emulation up by, would pass his chin in his shirt-collar. away from me, little by little, never to "This is Mr. Micawber," said Mr. be brought back any more, - cannot Quinion to me. be written. As often as Mick Walker "Ahem! " said the stranger, "that went away in the course of that fore- is my name." noon, I mingled my tears with the "Mr. Micawber," said Mr. Quinion, water in which I was washing the bot- "is known to Mr. Murdstone. He ties, and sobbed as if there were a flaw takes orders for us on commission, when in my own breast, and it were in danger he can get any. He has been written of bursting. to by Mr. Murdstone, on the subject of The counting-house clock was at half your lodgings, and he will receive you past twelve, and there was general prep- as a lodger." aration for going to dinner, when Mr. "My address," said Mr. Micawber, Quinion tapped at the counting-house "is Windsor Terrace, City Road. Iwindow, and beckoned to me to go in. in short," said Mr. Mica-wber, with the I went in, and found there a stoutish, same genteel air, and in another burst middle-aged person, in a brown surtout of confidence- " I live there." and black tights and shoes, with no I made him a bow. more hair upon his head (which was a "Under the impression," said Mr. large one, and very shining) than there Micawber, " that your peregrinations in is upon an egg, and with a very exten- this metropolis have not as yet been exsive face, which he turned full upon me. tensive, and that you might have some His clothes were shabby, but he had an difficulty in penetrating the arcana of imposing shirt-collar on. He carried a the Modem Babylon in the direction of jaunty sort of a stick, with a large pair the City Road,-in short," said Mr. of rusty tassels to it; and a quizzing- Micawber, in another burst of configlass hung outside his coat, -for orna- dence, "that you might lose yourself, - ment, I afterwards found, as he very I shall be happy to call this evening, seldom looked through it, and couldn't and install you in the knowledge of the see anything when he did. nearest way." "This," said Mr. Quinion, in allu- I thanked him with all my heart, for. sion to myself, "is he." it was friendly in him to offer to take "This," said the stranger, with a cer- that trouble. tain condescending roll in his voice, and "At what hour," said Mr. Micawber, a certain indescribable air of doing "shall I-" something genteel, which impressed me "At about eight," said Mr. Quinvery much, " is Master Copperfield. I ion. hope I see you well, sir? " "At about eight," said Mr. MicawI said I was very well, and hoped he ber. " I beg to wish you good day, Mr. was. I was sufficiently ill at ease, Quinion. I will intrude no longer." Heaven knows; but it was not in my So he put on his hat, and went out nature to complain much at that time of with his cane under his arm, -very up OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 89 right, and humming a tune when he ment. My room was at the top of the was clear of the counting-house. house, at the back, -a close chamber, Mr. Quinion then formally engaged stencilled all over with an ornament me to be as useful as I could in the which my young imagination representwarehouse of Murdstone and Grinby, ed as a blue muffin, and very scantily at a salary, I think, of six shillings a furnished. week. I am not clear whether it was " I never thought," said Mrs. Micawsix or seven. I am inclined to believe, ber when she came up, twin and all, to from my uncertainty on this head, that show me the apartment, and sat down it was six at first and seven afterwards. to take breath, "before I was married, He paid me a week down (from his own when I lived with papa and mamma, that pocket, I believe), and I gave Mealy I should ever find it necessary to take a sixpence out of it to get my trunk car- lodger. But Mr. Micawber being in ried to Windsor Terrace at night, -it difficulties, all considerations of private being too heavy for my strength, small feeling must give way." as it was. I paid sixpence more for I said, "Yes, ma'am." my dinner, which was a meat-pie and a " Mr. Micawber's difficulties are alturn at a neighboring pump; and passed most overwhelming just at present," the' hour which was allowed for that said Mrs. Micawber; " and whether it meal in walking about the streets. is possible to bring him through them, At the appointed time in the evening, I don't know. When I lived at home Mr. Micawber reappeared. I washed with papa and mamma, I really should my hands and face, to do the greater have hardly understood what the word honor to his gentility; and we walked meant, in the sense in which I now to our house, as I suppose I must now employ it, but experientia does it, - as call it, together; Mr. Micawber im- papa used to say." pressing the names of streets, and the I cannot satisfy myself whether she shapes of corner-houses upon me, as we told me that Mr. Micawber had been went along, that I might find my way an officer in the Marines, or whether I back easily in the morning. have imagined it. I only know that I Arrived at his house in Windsor Ter- believe to this hour that he was in the race (which I noticed was shabby like Marines once upon a time, without himself, but also, like himself, made all knowing why. He was a sort of town the show it could), he presented me to traveller for a number of miscellaneMrs. Micawber, a thin and faded lady, ous houses, now; but made little or not at all young, who was sitting in the nothing of it, I am afraid. parlor (the first floor was altogether " If Mr. Micawber's creditors will unfurnished, and the blinds were kept not give him time," said Mrs. Micawdown to delude the neighbors), with a ber, " they must take the consequences; baby at her breast. This baby was one and the sooner they bring it to an issue of twins; and I may remark here that the better. Blood cannot be obtained I hardly ever, in all my experience of from a stone, neither can anything on the family, saw both the twins detached account be obtained at present (not to from Mrs. Micawber at the same time. mention law expenses) from Mr. MicawOne of them was always taking refresh- ber." ment. I never can quite understand whethThere were two other children,- er my precocious self-dependence conMaster Micawber, aged about four, fused Mrs. Micawber in reference to and Miss Micawber, aged about three. my age, or whether she was so full of These, and a dark-complexioned young the subject that she would have talked woman, with a habit of snorting, who about it to the very twins if there had was servant to the family, and informed been nobody else to communicate with, me, before half an hour had expired, but this was the strain in which she that she was "a Orfling," and came began, and she went on accordingly all from St. Luke's workhouse, in the the time I knew her. neighborhood, completed the establish- Poor Mrs. Micawber! She said she 90 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE had tried to exert herself; and so, I cutlet before the kitchen fire, telling me have no doubt, she had. The centre of stories about her papa and mamma, and the street door was perfectly covered the company they used to keep. with a great brass-plate, on which was In this house, and with this family, I engraved, "Mrs. Micawber's Boarding passed my leisure time. My own excluEstablishment for Young Ladies" but sive breakfast of a penny-loaf and a I never found that any young lady had pennyworth of milk, I provided myself; ever been to school there; or that any I kept another small loaf, and a modiyoung lady ever came, or proposed to cum of cheese, on a particular shelf of come; or that the least preparation was a particular cupboard, to make my supever made to receive any young lady. per on when I came back at night The only visitors I ever saw or heard This made a hole in the six or seven of, were creditors. They used to come shillings, I know well; and I was out at all hours, and some of them were at the warehouse all day, and had to quite ferocious. One dirty-faced man, support myself on that money all the I think he was a boot-maker, used to week. From Monday morning until edge himself into the passage as early Saturday night, I had no advice, no as seven o'clock in the morning, and counsel, no encouragement, no consolacall up the stairs to Mr. Micawber: tion, no assistance, no support, of any "Come! You ain't out yet, you know. kind, from any one, that I can call to Pay us, will you? Don't hide, you mind, as I hope to go to Heaven! know; that's mean. I would n't be I was so young and childish, and so mean if I was you. Pay us, will you? little qualified - how could I be otherYou just pay us, d' ye hear? Come! " wise? - to undertake the whole charge Receiving no answer to these taunts, of my own existence, that often, in going he would mount in his wrath to the to Murdstone and Grinby's of a mornwords "swindlers" and "robbers," ing, I could not resist the stale pastry and, these being ineffectual too, would put out for sale at half-price at the sometimes go to the extremity of cross- pastrycooks' doors, and spent in that ing the street, and roaring up at the the money I should have kept for my windows of the second floor, where he dinner. Then I went without my dinknew Mr. Micawber was. At these ner, or bought a roll or a slice of pud, times, Mr. Micawber would be trans- ding. I remember two pudding-shops ported with grief and mortification, between which I was divided, according even to the length (as I was once made to my finances. One was in a court aware by a scream from his wife) of close to St. Martin's Church,- at the making motions at himself with a back of the church, - which is now razor; but within half an hour after- removed altogether. The pudding at wards, he would polish up his shoes that shop was made of currants, and with extraordinary pains, and go out, was rather a special pudding, but was humming a tune with a greater air of dear, twopennyworth not being larger gentility than ever. Mrs. Micawber than a pennyworth of more ordinary was quite as elastic. I have known her pudding. A good shop for the latter to be thrown into fainting-fits by the was in the Strand, - somewhere in that king's taxes at three o'clock, and to eat part which has been rebuilt since. It lamb-chops, breaded, and drink warm was a stout pale pudding, heavy and ale (paid for with two teaspoons that flabby, and with great flat raisins in it, had gone to the pawnbroker's) at four. stuck in whole at wide distances apart. On one occasion, when an execution It came up hot at about my time every had just been put in, coming home day, and many a day did I dine off it. through some chance as early as six When I dined regularly and handsomeo'clock, I saw her lying (of course with ly, I had a saveloy and a penny-loaf, a twin) under the grate, in a swoon, with or a fourpenny plate of red beef from a her hair all torn about her face; but I cook's shop; or a plate of bread and never knew her more cheerful than she cheese and a glass of beer, from a was, that very same night, over a veal- miserable old public-house opposite OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 91 our place of business, called the Lion, strange smile on his face; and, instead or the Lion and something else that of drawing the beer, looked round the I have forgotten. Once, I remember screen and said something to his wife. carrying my own bread (which I had She came out from behind it, with her brought from home in the morning) work in her hand, and joined him in under my arm, wrapped in a piece of surveying me. Here we stand, all three, paper, like a book, and going to a before me now. The landlord in his famous alamode beef-house near Drury shirt-sleeves, leaning against the bar Lane, and ordering a "small plate " of window-frame; his wife looking over that delicacy to eat with it. What the the little half-door; and I, in some conwaiter thought of such a strange little fusion, looking up at them from outside apparition coming in all alone, I don't the partition. They asked me a good know; but I can see him now, staring many questions; as, what my name at me as I ate my dinner, and bringing was, how old I was, where I lived, how up the other waiter to look. I gave him I was employed, and how I came there. a halfpenny for himself, and I wish he To all of which, that I might commit had n't taken it. nobody, I invented, I am afraid, approWe had half an hour, I think, for priate answers. They served me with tea. When I had money enough, I the ale, though I suspect it was not used to get half a pint of ready-made the Genuine Stunning; and the landcoffee and a slice of bread and butter. lord's wife, opening the little half-door When I had none, I used- to look at a of the bar, and bending down, gave me venison-shop in Fleet Street; or I have my money back, and gave me a kiss that strolled, at such a time, as far as Covent was half admiring, and half compassionGarden Market, and stared at the pine- ate, but all womanly and good, I am apples. I was fond of wandering about sure. the Adelphi, because it was a myste- I know I do not exaggerate, unconrious place, with those dark arches. I sciously and unintentionally, the scantisee myself emerging one evening from ness of my resources or the difficulties some of these arches, on a little pub- ofmylife. I know that, if a shillingwere lic-house close to the river, with an given me by Mr. Quinion at any time, open space before it, where some coal- I spent it in a dinner or a tea. I know heavers were dancing; to look at whom that I worked from morning until night, I sat down upon a bench. I wonder with common men and boys, a shabby what they thought of me! child. I know that I lounged about the I was such a child, and so little, that streets, insufficiently and unsatisfactorily frequently when I went into the bar of fed. I know that, but for the mercy of a strange public-house for a glass of God, I might easily have been, for any ale or porter, to moisten what I had had care that was taken of me, a little robfor dinner, they were afraid to give it ber or a little vagabond. me. I remember one hot evening I Yet I held some station at Murdstone went into the bar of a public-house; and and Grinby's too. Besides that Mr. said to the landlord, - Quinion did what a careless man so "What is your best - your very best occupied, and dealing with a thing so -ale a glass?" For it was a special anomalous, could, to treat me as one occasion. I don't know what. It may upon a different footing from the rest, have been my birthday. I never said, to man or boy, how it was "Twopence-halfpenny," says the that I came to be there, or gave the landlord, " is the price of the Genuine least indication of being sorry that I Stunning ale." was there. That I suffered in secret, "Then," says I, producing the money, and that I suffered exquisitely, no "just draw me a glass of the Genuine one ever knew but I. How much I Stunning, if you please, with a good suffered, it is, as I have said already, head to it." utterly beyond my power to tell. But The landlord looked at me in return I kept my own counsel, and I did my over the bar, from head to foot, with a work. I knew from the first, that, if 92 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I could not do my work as well as sob violently at the beginning of one of any of the rest, I could not hold myself these Saturday night conversations, and above slight and contempt. I soon be- sing about Jack's delight being his lovecame at least as expeditious and as skil- ly Nan, towards the end of it. I have ful as either of the other boys. Though known him come home to supper with perfectly familiar with them, my con- a flood of tears, and a declaration that duct and manner were different enough nothing was now left but a jail, and go from theirs to place a space between us. to bed making a calculation of the exThey and the men generally spoke of pense of putting bow-windows to the me as "the little gent," or "the young house, "in case anything turned up," Suffolker." A certain man named Greg- which was his favorite expression. And ory, who was foreman of the packers, Mrs. Micawber was just the same. and another named Tipp, who was the A curious equality of friendship, origicarman, and wore a red jacket, used to nating, I suppose, m our respective ciraddress me sometimes as "David": cumstances, sprung up between me and but I think it was mostly when we these people, notwithstanding the ludiwere very confidential, and when I had crous disparity in our years. But I nevmade some efforts to entertain them, er allowed myself to be prevailed upon over our work, with some results of to accept any invitation to eat and drink the old readings, - which were fast per- with them out of their stock (knowing ishing out of my remembrance. Mealy that they got on badly with the butchPotatoes uprose once, and rebelled er and baker, and had often not too against my being so distinguished; much for themselves), until Mrs. Mibut Mick Walker settled him in no cawber took me into her entire confitime. dence. This she did one evening as My rescue from this kind of existence follows: - I considered quite hopeless, and aban- "Master Copperfield," said Mrs. doned, as such, altogether. I am sol- Micawber, "I make no stranger of emnly convinced that I never for one you, and therefore do not hesitate to hour was reconciled to it, or was other- say that Mr. Micawber's difficulties are wise than miserably unhappy; but I coming'to a crisis." bore it; and even to Peggotty, partly It made me very miserable to hear it, for the love of her, and partly for shame, and I looked at Mrs. Micawber's red never in any letter (though many passed eyes with the utmost sympathy. between us) revealed the truth. "With the exception of the heel of Mr. Micawber's difficulties were an a Dutch cheese, which is not adapted addition to the distressed state of my to the wants of a young family," said mind. In my forlorn state I became Mrs. Micawber, "there is really not a quite attached to the family, and used scrap of anything in the larder. I was to walk about, busy with Mrs. Micaw- accustomed to speak of the larder when ber's calculations of ways and means, and I lived with papa and mamma, and I used heavy with the weight of Mr. Micaw- the word almost unconsciously. What ber's debts. On a Saturday night, which I mean to express is, that there is nothwas my grand treat, -partly because ing to eat in the house." it was a great thing to walk home with "Dear me!" I said, in great concern. six or seven shillings in my pocket, I had two or three shillings of my looking into the shops and thinking week's money in my pocket,- from what such t sum would buy, and part- which I presume that it must have been ly because I went home early, -Mrs. on a Wednesday night when we held Micawber would make the most heart- this conversation, - and I hastily prorending confidences to me; also on duced them, and, with heartfelt emotion, a Sunday morning, when I mixed the begged Mrs. Micawber to accept of portion of tea or coffee I had bought them as a loan. But that lady, kissing overnight, in a little shaving-pot, and me, and making me put them back in sat late at my breakfast. It was noth- my pocket, replied that she could n't ing at all unusual for Mr. Micawber to think of it. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 93 " No, my dear Master Copperfield," never left off.rating him. Sometimes said she, "far be it from my thoughts! he had lost his money; and then he But you have a discretion beyond your would ask me to call again; but his wife years, and can render me another kind had always got some, - had taken his, of service, if you will, and a service I I dare say, while he was drunk, -and will thankfully accept of." secretly completed the bargain on the I begged Mrs. Micawber to name stairs, as we went down together. it. At the pawnbroker's shop, too, I be"I have parted with the plate my- gan to be very well known. The prinself," said Mrs. Micawber. "Six tea, cipal gentleman who officiated behind two salt, and a pair of sugars, I have at the counter took a good deal of notice different times borrowed money on, in of me; and often got me, I recollect, secret, with my own hands. But the to decline a Latin noun or adjective, or twins are a great tie; and to me, with to conjugate a Latin verb, in his ear, my recollections of papa and mamma, while he transacted my business. After these transactions are very painful. all these occasions Mrs. Micawber made There are still a few trifles that we a little treat, which was generally a supcould part with. Mr. Micawber's feel- per; and there was a peculiar relish in ings would never allow him to dispose these meals which I well remember. of them; and Clickett,"-this was the At last Mr. Micawber's difficulties girl from the workhouse, -" being of a came to a crisis, and he was arrested vulgar mind, would take painful liber- early one morning, and carried over to ties if so much confidence was reposed the King's Bench Prison in the Borin her. Master Copperfield, if I might ough. He told me, as he went out of ask you-" the house, that the god of day had now I understood Mrs. Micawber now, gone down upon him; and I-really and begged her to make use of me to thought his heart was broken and mine any extent. I began to dispose of the too. But I heard, afterwards, that he more portable articles of property that was seen to play a lively game of skitvery evening, and went out on a sini- ties, before noon. lar expedition almost every morning, On the first Sunday after he was taken before I went to Murdstone and Grin- there, I was to go and see him, and by's. have dinner with him. I was to ask my Mr. Micawber had a few books on a way to such a place, and just short of little chiffonier, which he called the li- that place I should see such another brary; and those went first. I carried place, and just short of that I should them, one after another, to a bookstall see a yard, which I was to cross, and in the City Road, - one part of which, keep straight on until I saw a turnkey. near our house, was almost all book- All this I did; and when at last I did stalls and bird-shops then, -and sold see a turnkey, (poor little fellow that I them for whatever they would bring. was!) and thought how, when RoderThe keeper of this bookstall, who lived ick Random was in a debtors' prison, in a little house behind it, used to get there was a man there with nothing on tipsy every night, and to be violently him but an old rug, the turnkey swam scolded by his wife every morning. before my dimmed eyes and my beating More than once, when I went there heart. early, I had audience of him in a turn- Mr. Micawber was waiting for me up bedstead, with a cut in his forehead, within the gate, and we went up to his or a black'eye, bearing witness to his room (top story but one), and cried very excesses overnight (I am afraid he was much. He solemnly conjured me, I quarrelsome in his drink), and he, with remember, to take warning by his fate; a shaking hand, endeavoring to firnd the and to observe, that, if a man had twenty needful shillings in one or other of the pounds a year for his income, and spent pockets of his clothes, which lay upon nineteen pounds nineteen shillings and the floor, while his wife, with a baby in sixpence, he would be happy, but that her arms and her shoes down at heel, if he spent twenty pounds one, he would 94 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE be miserable. Afterwhich he borrowed these possessions we encamped, as it a shilling of me for porter, gave me a were, in the two parlors of the emptied written order on Mrs. Micawber for the house in Windsor Terrace, - Mrs. Miamount, and put away his pocket-hand- cawber, the children, the Orfling, and kerchief and cheered up. myself, - and lived in those rooms night We sat before a little fire, with two and day. I have no idea for how long, bricks put within the rusted grate, one though it seems to me for a long time. on each side, to prevent its burning too At last Mrs. Micawber resolved to many coals; until another debtor, who move into the prison, where Mr. Mishared the room with Mr. Micawber, cawber had now secured a room to himcame in from the bakehouse with the self. So I took the key of the house to loin of mutton which was our joint-stock the landlord, who was very glad to get repast. Then I was sent up to "Cap- it; and the beds were sent over to the tain Hopkins " in the room overhead, King's Bench, except mine, for which a with Mr. Micawber's compliments, and little room was hired outside the walls I was his young friend, and would Cap- in the neighborhood of that Institution, tain Hopkins lend me a knife and fork. very much to my satisfaction, since the Captain Hopkins lent me the knife Micawbers and I had become too used and fork, with his compliments to Mr. to one another, in our troubles, to part. Micawber. There was a very dirty The Orfling was likewise accommodatlady in his little room, and two wan ed with an inexpensive lodging in the girls, his daughters, with shock heads same neighborhood. Mine was a quiet of hair. I thought it was better to bor- back garret with a sloping roof, comrow Captain Hopkins's knife and fork, manding a pleasant prospect of a timthan Captain Hopkins's comb. The ber-yard; and when I took possession captain himself was in the last extrem- of it, with the reflection that Mr. Miity of shabbiness, with large whiskers, cawber's troubles had come to a crisis and an old, old brown great-coat with at last, I thought it quite a paradise. no other coat below it. I saw his bed All this time I was working at Murdrolled up in a corner; and what plates stone and Grinby's, in the same common and dishes and pots he had, on a shelf; way, and with the same common comand I divined (God knows how) that panions, and with the same sense of though the two girls with the shock unmerited degradation, as at first. But heads of hair were Captain Hopkins's I never, happily for me no doubt, made children, the dirty lady was not married a single acquaintance, or spoke to any to Captain Hopkins. My timid station of the many boys whom I saw daily in on his threshold was not occupied more going to the warehouse, in coming from than a couple of minutes at most; but it, and in prowling about the streets at I came down again with all this in my meal-times. I led the same secretly knowledge, as surely as the knife and unhappy life; but I led it in the same fork were in my hand. lonely, self-reliant manner. The only There was something gypsy-like and changes I am conscious of are, first, agreeable in the dinner, after all. I that I had grown more shabby, and sectook back Captain Hopkins's knife and ondly, that I was now relieved of much fork early in the afternoon, and went of the weight of Mr. and Mrs. Micawhome to comfort Mrs. Micawber with ber's cares; for some relatives or an account of my visit. She fainted friends had engaged to help them at when she saw me return, and made a their present pass, and they lived more little jug of egg-hot afterwards to con- comfortably in the prison than they had sole us while we talked it over. lived for a long while out of it. I used I don't know how the household fur- to breakfast with them now, in virtue of niture came to be sold for the family some arrangement, of which I have forbenefit, or who sold it, except that Idid gotten the details. I forget, too, at not. Sold it was, however, and carried what hour the gates were opened in the away in a van, except the beds, a few morning, admitting of my going in; but chairs, and the kitchen table. With I know that I was often up at six OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 95 o'clock, and that my favorite lounging-, manner in which I fitted my old books place in the interval was old London to my altered life, and made stories for Bridge, where I was wont to sit in one of myself, out of the streets, and out of the stone recesses, watching the people men and women; and how some main going by, or to look over the balustrades points in the character I shall unconat the sun shining in the water, and sciously develop, I suppose, in writing lighting up the golden flame on the top my life, were gradually forming all this of the Monument. The Orfling met me while. here sometimes, to be told some aston- There was a club in the prison, in ishing fictions respecting the wharves which Mr. Micawber, as a gentleman, and the Tower; of which I can say no was a great authority. Mr. Micawber more than that I hope I believed them had stated his idea of this petition to myself In the evening I used to go the club, and the club had strongly apback to the prison and walk up and proved of the same. Wherefore Mr. down the parade with Mr. Micawber; Micawber (who was a thoroughly goodor play casino with Mrs. Micawber, and natured man, and as active a creature hear reminiscences of her papa and about everything but his own affairs as mamma. Whether Mr. Murdstoneknew ever existed,. and never so happy as where I was, I am unable to say. I when he was busy about something that never told them at Murdstone and could never be of any profit to him) set Grinby's. to work at the petition, invented it, enMr. Micawber's affairs, although past grossed it on an immense sheet of patheir crisis, were very much involved per, spread it out on a table, and apby reason of a certain "Deed," of pointed a time for all the club, and all which I used to hear a great deal, and within the walls if they chose, to come which I suppose now to have been some up to his room and sign it. former composition with his creditors, When I heard of this approaching though I was so far from being clear ceremony, I was so anxious to see them about it then, that I am conscious of all come in, one after another, though I having confounded it with those demo- knew the greater part of them already, niacal parchments which are held to and they me, that I got an hour's leave have, once upon a time, obtained to a of absence from Murdstone and Gringreat extent in Germany. At last this by's, and established myself in a corner document appeared to be got out of the for that purpose. As many of the prinway, somehow; at all events, it ceased cipal members of the club as could be to be the rock ahead it had been; and got into the small room without filling Mrs. Micawber informed me that "her it, supported Mr. Micawber in front of family " had decided that Mr. Micawber the petition, while my old friend Capshould apply for his release under the tain Hopkins (who had washed himself, Insolvent Debtors' Act, which would to do honor to so solemn an occasion) set him free, she expected, in about six stationed himself close to it, to read it weeks. to all who were unacquainted with its "And then," said Mr. Micawber, contents. The door was then thrown who was present, " I have no doubt I open, and the general population began shall, please Heaven, begin to be be- to come in, in a long file, - several waitforehand with the'world, and to live ing outside, while one entered, affixed in a perfectly new manner, if- in short, his signature, and went.out. To everyif anything turns up." body in succession, Captain Hopkins By way of going in for anything that said: "Have you read it?" "No." might be on the cards, I call to mind "Would you like to hear it read?" If that Mr. Micawber, about this time, he weakly showed the least disposition composed a petition to the House of to hear it, Captain Hopkins, in a loud Commons, praying for an alteration in sonorous voice, gave him every word of the law of imprisonment for debt. I it. The captain would have read it twenset down this remembrance here, be- ty thousand times, if twenty thousand cause it is an instance to myself of the people would have heard him, one by 96 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE one. I remember a certain luscious,malities observed, before he could be roll he gave to such phrases as "The actually released. The club received people's representatives in parliament him with transport, and held an harassembled," "Your petitioners there- monic meeting that evening in his fore humbly approach your honorable honor; while Mrs. Micawber and I house," "His gracious Majesty's un- had a lamb's fry in private, surrounded fortunate subjects," as if the words by the sleeping family. were something real in his mouth, and "On such an occasion I will give delicious to taste; Mr. Micawber, mean- you, Master Copperfield," said Mrs. while, listening with a little of an Micawber, "in a little more flip," for author's vanity, and contemplating we had been having some already, (not severely) the spikes on the opposite "the memory of my papa and mamwall. ma." As I walked to and fro daily between "Are they dead, ma'am?" I inSouthwark and Blackfriars, and lounged quired, after drinking the toast' in a about at meal-times in obscure streets, wine-glass. the stones of which may, for anything I "My mamma departed this life," know, be worn at this moment by my said Mrs. Micawber, "before Mr. Michildish feet, I wonder how many of cawber's difficulties commenced, or at these people were wanting in the crowd least before they became pressing. My that used to come filing before me in papa lived to bail Mr. Micawber sevreview again, to the echo of Captain eral times, and then expired, regretted Hopkins's voice! When my thoughts by a numerous circle." go back, now, to that slow agony of my Mrs. Micawber shook her head, and youth, I wonder how much of the his- dropped a pious tear upon the twin who tories I invented for such people hangs happened to be in hand. like a mist of fancy over well-remem- As I could hardly hope for a more bered facts! When I tread the old faiorable opportunity of putting a quesground, I do not wonder that I seem to tion in which I had a near interest, see and pity, going on before me, an in- I said to Mrs. Micawber, - nocent romantic boy, making his im- "May I ask, ma'am, what you and aginative world out of such strange ex- Mr. Micawber intend to do, now that periences and sordid things. Mr. Micawber is out of difficulties, and at liberty? Have you settled yet?" "My family," said Mrs. Micawber, who always said those two words with CHAPTER XII. an air, though I never could discover who came under the denomination, - LIKING LIFE ON MY OWN ACCOUNT NO "my family are of opinion that Mr. BETTER, I FORM A GREAT RESOLU- Micawber should quit London, and TION. exert his talents in the country. Mr. Micawber is a man of great talent, IN due time Mr. Micawber's petition Master Copperfield." was ripe for hearing; and that gentle- I said I was sure of that. man was ordered to be discharged "Of great talent," repeated Mrs. Miunder the Act, to my great joy. His cawber. "My family are of opinion, creditors were. not'implacable; and that, with a little interest, something Mrs. Micawber informed me that even might be done for a man of his ability the revengeful boot-maker had declared in the Custom House. The influence in open court that he bore him no of my family being local, it is their malice, but that when money was ow- wish that Mr. Micawber should go ing to him he liked to be paid. He down to Plymouth. They think it insaid he thought it was human nature. dispensable that he should be upon the Mr. Micawber returned to the King's spot." Bench when his case was over, as some "That he may be ready?" I sugfees were to be settled, and some for- gested. /}/ (\ I~\i i1 I;iiIII MR. MTAW3E AN 1TT' FAML OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 97 "Exactly," returned Mrs. Micawber. ing her in his arms, "I am perfectly "That he may be ready —in case of aware of it." anything turning up." "He is the parent of my children! " And do you go too, ma'am?" He is the father of my twins! He is The events of the day, in combina- the husband of my affections!" cried tion with the twins, if not with the flip, Mrs. Micawber, struggling; "and I had made Mrs. Micawber hysterical, ne-ver -will desert Mr. Micawber!" and she shed tears as she replied: - Mr. Micawber was so deeply affected " I never will desert Mr. Micawber. by this proof of her devotion (as to me, Mr. Micawber may have concealed his I was dissolved in tears), that he hung difficulties from me in the first instance, over her in a passionate manner, imbut his sanguine temper may have led ploring her to look up, and to be calm. him to expect that he would overcome But the more he asked Mrs. Micawber them. The pearl necklace and brace- to look up, the more she fixed her eyes lets which I inherited from mamma on nothing; and the more he asked her have been disposed of for less than half to compose herself, the more she would their value; and the set of coral which n't. Consequently Mr. Micawber was was, the wedding-gift of my papa has soon so overcome that he mingled his been actually thrown away for nothing. tears with hers and mine, until he But I never will desert Mr. Micawber. begged me to do him the favor of taking No!" cried Mrs. Micawber, more a chair on the staircase, while he got her affected than before; "I never will do into bed. I would have taken my leave it i It's of no use asking me!" for the night, but he would not hear of I felt quite uncomfortable - as if my doing that until the strangers' bell Mrs. Micawber supposed I had asked should ring. So I sat at the staircase her to do anything of the sort I —and window, until he came out with another sat looking at her in alarm. chair and joined me. " Mr. Micawber has his faults. I do " How is Mrs. Micawber now, sir? " not deny that he is improvident. I do I said. not deny that he has kept me in the "Very low," said Mr. Micawber, dark as to his resources and his liabili- shaking his head; "reaction. Ah, this ties, both," she went on, looking at the has been a dreadful day! We stand wall; "but I never will desert Mr. alone now; everything is gone from Micawber!" us!" Mrs. Micawber having now raised Mr. Micawber pressed my hand, and her voice into a perfect scream, I was groaned, and afterwards shed tears. I so frightened that I ran off to the club- was greatly touched, and disappointed room, and disturbed Mr. Micawber in too, for I had expected that we should the act of presiding at a long table, and be quite gay on this happy and longleading the chorus of looked-for occasion. But Mr. and Mrs. "Gee up, Dobbin, Micawber were so used to their old Gee ho, Dobbin, difficulties, I think, that they felt quite Gee up, Dobbin, shipwrecked when they came to conGee up, and gee ho-o-o!" sider that they were released from them. with the tidings that Mrs. Micawber All their elasticity was departed, and I was in an alarming state, upon which he never saw them half so wretched as on immediately burst into tears, and came this night; insomuch that when the bell away with me with his waistcoat full of rang, and Mr. Micawber walked with the heads and tails of shrimps, of which me to the lodge, and parted from me he had been partaking. there with a blessing, I felt quite afraid "Emma, my angel! " cried Mr. to leave him by himself, he was so proMicawber, running into the room, foundly miserable. "what is the matter? " But through all the confusion and " I never will desert you, Micawber!" lowness of spirits in which we had been, she exclaimed. so unexpectedly to me, involved, I "'My life 1" said Mr. Micawber, tak- plainly discerned that Mr. and Mrs. 7 98 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Micawber and their family were going married man, and had a room to let, away from London, and that a parting quartered me prospectively on him,between us was near at hand. It was by our mutual consent, as he had every in my walk home that night, and in the reason to think; for I said nothing, sleepless hours which followed when I though my resolution was now taken; lay in bed, that the thought first oc- I passed my evenings with Mr. and curred to me-though I don't know Mrs. Micawber, during the remaining how it came into my head-which terns of our residence under the same afterwards shaped itself into a settled roof; and I think we became fonder of resolution. one another as the time went on. On I had grown to be so accustomed to the last Sunday, they invited me to the Micawbers, and had been so inti- dinner; and we had a loin of pork, and mate with them in their distresses, and apple-sauce, and a pudding. I had was so utterly friendless without them, bought a spotted wooden horse overthat the prospect of being thrown upon night as a parting gift to little Wilkins some new shift for a lodging, and going Micawber, -that was the boy, -and a once more among unknown people, was doll for little Emma. I had also belike being that moment. turned adrift stowed a shilling on the Orfling, who into my present life, with such a knowl- was about to be disbanded. edge of it ready made as experience We had a very pleasant day, though had given me. All the sensitive feel- we were all in a tender state about our ings it wounded so cruelly, all the shame approaching separation. and misery it kept alive within my breast, "I shall never, Master Copperfield," became more poignant as I thought of said Mrs. Micawber, "revert to the this; and I determined that the life period when Mr. Micawber was in difwas unendurable. ficulties, without thinking of you. Your That there was no hope of escape conduct has always been of the most from it, unless the escape was my own delicate and obliging description. You act, I knew quite well. I rarely heard have never been a lodger. You have from Miss Murdstone, and never from been a friend." Mr. Murdstone; but two or three par- "My dear," said Mr. Micawber; eels of made or mended clothes had "Copperfield," for so he had been accome up for me, consigned to Mr. Quin- customed to call me of late, "has a ion, and in each there was a scrap of heart to feel for the distresses of his paper to the effect that J. M. trusted fellow-creatures when they are behind b. C. was applying himself to busi- a cloud, and a head to plan, and a hand ness, and devoting himself wholly to to-in short, a general ability to dishis duties, -not the least hint of my pose of such available property as could ever being anything else than the com- be made away with." mon drudge into which I was fast set- I expressed my sense of this comtling down. mendation, and said I was very sorry The very next day showed me, while we were going to lose one another. my mind was in the first agitation of "My dear young friend," said Mr. what it had conceived, that Mrs. Mi- Micawber, "I am older than you; a cawber had not spoken of their going man of some experience in life, andaway without warrant. They took a and of some experience, in short, in lodging in the house where I lived, for difficulties, generally speaking. At a week; at the expiration of which time present, and until something turns up they were to start for Plymouth. Mr. (which I am, I may say, hourly expectMicawber himself came down to the ing), I have nothing to bestow but adcounting-house, in the afternoon, to tell vice. Still, my advice is so far worth Mr. Quinion that he must relinquish taking that-in short, that I have me on the day of his departure, and to never taken it myself, and am the-" give me a high character, which I am here Mr. Micawber, who had been sure I deserved. And Mr. Quinion, beaming and smiling, all over his head calling in Tipp, the carman, who was a and face, up. to the present moment, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 99 checked himself and frowned, - "the "Master Copperfield," said Mrs. Mimiserable wretch you behold." cawber, "God bless you! I never can "My dear Micawber!" urged his forget all that, you know, and I never wife. would if I could." "I say," -returned Mr. Micawber, "Copperfield," said Mr. Micawber, quite forgetting himself, and smiling "farewell! Every happiness and prosagain, " the miserable wretch you be- perity! If, in the progress of revolving' hold. My advice is, never do to-mor- years, I could persuade myself that my row what you can do to-day. Procrasti- blighted destiny had been a warning to nation is the thief of time. Collar him." you, I should feel that I had not occu"My poor papa's maxim," Mrs. Mi- pied another man's place in existence cawber observed. altogether in vain. In case of anything "My dear," said Mr. Micawber, turning up (of which I am rather confi"your papa was very well in his way, dent), I shall be extremely happy if it and heaven forbid that I should dis- should be in my power to improve your parage him. Take him for all in all, prospects." we ne'er shall —in short, make the ac- I think, as Mrs. Micawber sat at the quaintance, probably, of anybody else back of the coach, with the children, possessing, at his time of life, the same and I stood in the road looking wistlegs for gaiters, and able to read the fully at them, a mist cleared from her same description of print, without spec- eyes, and she saw what a little creature tacles. But he applied that maxim to I really was. I think so, because she our marriage, my dear; and that was beckoned to me to climb up, with quite so far prematurely entered into, in con- a new and motherly expression in her sequence, that I never recovered the face, and put her arm round my neck, expense." and gave me just such a kiss as she Mr. Micawber looked aside at Mrs. might have given to her own boy. I Micawber, and added: "Not that I had barely time to get down again, beam sorry for it. Quite the contrary, fore the coach started; and I could my love." After which he was grave hardly see the family for the handkerfor a minute or so. chiefs they waved. It was gone in a " My other piece of advice, Copper- minute. The Orfling and I stood lookfield," said Mr. Micawber, "you know. ing vacantly at each other in the middle Annual income twenty pounds, annual of the road, and then shook hands and expenditure nineteen nineteen six, re- said good by, - she going back, I supsuit happiness. Annual income twen- pose, to St. Luke's workhouse, as I ty pounds, annual expenditure twenty went to begin my weary day at Murdpounds ought and six, result misery. stone and Grinby's. The blossom is blighted, the leaf is But with no intention of passing withered, the god of day goes down many more weary days there. No. I upon the dreary scene, and-and in had resolved to run away, - to go, by short you are forever floored. As I some means or other, down into the am!" country, to the only relation I had in To make his example the more im- the world, and tell my story to my aunt, pressive, Mr. Micawber drank a glass Miss Betsey. of punch with an air of great enjoyment I have already observed that I don't and satisfaction, and whistled the Col- know how this desperate idea came into lege Hornpipe. my brain. But, once there, it remained I did not fail to assure him that I there; and hardened into a purpose would store these precepts in my mind, than which I have never entertained a though indeed I had no need to do so, more determined purpose in my life. I for, at the time, they affected me visi- am far from sure that I believed there bly. Next morning I met the whole was anything hopeful in it: but my mind family at the coach-office, and saw was thoroughly made up that it must be them, with a desolate heart, take their carried into execution. places outside, at the back. Again, and again, and a hundred IOQ PERSONAL HISTORY AN]D EXPERIENCE times again, since the night when the was going to leave behind me at Murdthought had first occurred to me and stone and Grinby's, I considered myself banished sleep, I had gone over that old bound to remain until Saturday night; story of my poor mother's about my and, as I had been paid a week's wages birth, which it had been one of my great in advance when I first came there, not delights in the old time to hear her tell, to present myself in the counting-house and which I knew by heart. My aunt at the usual hour to receive my stipend. walked into that story, and walked out For this express reason I had borrowed of it, a dread and awful personage; but the half-guinea, that I might not be there was one little trait in her be- without a fund for my travelling-expenhavior which I liked to dwell on, and ses. Accordingly, when the Saturday which gave me some faint shadow of en- night came, and we were all waiting in couragement. I could not forget how the warehouse to be paid, and Tipp, my mother had thought that she felt the carman, who always took preceher touch her pretty hair with no un- dence, went in first to draw his money, gentle hand; and though it might have I shook Mick Walker by the hand; been altogether my mother's fancy, and asked him, when it came to his turn to might have had no foundation whatever be paid, to say to Mr. Quinion that I in fact, I made a little picture, out of it, had gone to move my box to Tipp's; of my terrible aunt relenting towards and, bidding a last good night to Mealy the girlish beauty that I recollected so Potatoes, ran away. well, and loved so much, which softened My box was at my old lodging over the whole narrative. It is very possi- the water, and I had written a direction ble that it had been in my mind a long for it on the back of one of our address time, and had gradually engendered my cards that we nailed on the casks: determination. " Master David, to be left till called for As I did not even know where Miss at the coach-office, Dover." This I had Betsey lived, I wrote a long letter to in my pocket ready to put on the box, Peggotty, and asked her, incidentally, after I should have got it out of the if she remembered; pretending that I house; and as I went towards my lodghad heard of such a lady living at a cer- ing I looked about me for some one who tain place I named at random, and had would help me to carry it to the booka curiosity to know if it were the same. ing-office. In the course of that letter I told Peg- There was a long-legged young man gotty that I had a particular occasion with a very little empty donkey-cart, for half a guinea; and that, if she could standing near the Obelisk, in the lend me that sum until I could repay it, Blackfriars Road, whose eye I caught, I should be very much obliged to her, as I was going by, and who, addressing and would tell her afterwards what I me as "Sixpenn'orth of bad ha'had wanted it for. pence," hoped "I should know him Peggotty's answer soon arrived, and agin to swear to " - in allusion, I have was, as usual, full of affectionate devo- no doubt, to my staring at him. I tion. Sheenclosed the half-guinea (I stopped to assure him that I had not was afraid she must have had a world done so in bad manners, but uncertain of trouble to get it out of Mr. Barkis's whether he might or might not like a box), and told me that Miss Betsey job. lived near Dover, but whether at Dover "Wot job?" said the long-legged itself, at Hythe, Sandgate, or Folkstone, young man. she could not say. One of our men, "To move a box," I answered. however, informing me, on my asking "Wot box?" said the long-legged him about these places, that they were young man. all close together, I deemed this enough I told him mine, which was down for my object, and' resolved to set out that street there, and which I wanted at the end of that week. him to take to the Dover coach-office Being a very honest little creature, for sixpence. and unwilling to disgrace the memory I " Done with you for a tanner I" said OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. o10 the long-legged young man, and direct- as if there wert any affinity between that ly got upon his cart, which was noth- animal and a magistrate, when he ing but a large wooden tray on wheels, changed his mind, jumped into the and rattled away at such a rate that it cart, sat upon my box, and, exclaiming was as much as I could do to keep pace that he would drive to -the pollis with the donkey. straight, rattled away harder than ever. There was a defiant manner about I ran after him as fast as I could, but this young man, and particularly about I had no breath to call out with, and the way in which he chewed straw as should not have dared to call out, now, he spoke to me, that I did not much if I had. I narrowly' escaped being like; as the bargain was made, how- run over, twenty times at least, in half ever, I took him up stairs to the room a mile. Now I lost him, now I saw I was leaving, and we brought the box him, now I lost him, now I was cut at down and put it on his cart. Now, I with a whip, now shouted at, now down was unwilling to put the direction card in the mud, now up again, now running on there lest any of my landlord's fam- into somebody's arms, now running ily should fathom what I was doing, headlong at a post. At length, confused and detain me; so I said to the young by fright and heat, and doubting whethman that I would be glad if he would er half London might not by this time stop for a minute, when he came to the be turning out for my apprehension, I dead-wall of the King's Bench prison. left the young man to go where he The words were no sooner out of my would with my box and money; and, mouth, than he rattled away, as if he, panting and crying, but never stopping, my box, the cart, and the donkey, were faced about for Greenwich, which I had all equally mad; and I was quite out of understood was on the Dover Road: breath with running and calling after taking very little more out of the world, him, when I caught him at the place towards the retreat of my aunt, Miss appointed. Betsey, than I had brought into it, on Being much flushed and excited I the night when my arrival gave her so tumbled my half-guinea out of my much umbrage. pocket in pulling the card out. I put it in my mouth for safety, and though my hands trembled a good deal, had just tied the card on very much to my CHAPTER XIII. satisfaction, when I felt myself violently chucked under the chin by the long- THE SEQUEL OF MY RESOLUTION. legged young man, and saw my halfguinea fly out of my mouth into his FoR anything I know, I may have had hand. some wild idea of running all the way to "Wot!" said the young man, seiz- Dover, when I gave up the pursuit of ing me by my jacket-collar, with a fright- the young man with the donkey-cart, and ful grin. "This is a pollis case, is it? started for Greenwich. My scattered You're a going to bolt, are you? Come senses were soon collected as to that to the pollis, you young warmin, come to point, if I had; for I came to a stop the pollis!" in the Kent Road, at a terrace with a "You give me my money back, if piece of water before it, and'a great you please," said I, very much fright- foolish image in the middle, blowing a ened; "and leave me alone." dry shell. Here I sat down on a door" Come to the pollis!" said the young step, quite spent and exhausted with the man. "You shall prove it yourn to efforts I had already made, and with the pollis." hardly breath enough to cry for the "Give me my box and money, will loss of my box and half-guinea. you? " I cried, bursting into tears. It was by this time dark. I heard the The young man still replied, "Come clocks strike ten, as I sat resting. But to the pollis!" and was dragging me it was a summer night fortunately, and against the donkey in a violent manner, fine weather. When I had recovered 10a PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE my breath, and had got rid of a stifling Mr. Dolloby. "Put a price on this sensation in my throat, I rose up and here little weskit." went on. In the midst of my distress, I " Would eighteenpence be -" I hinthad no notion of going back. I doubt ed, after some hesitation. if I should have had any, though there Mr. Dolloby rolled it up again, and had been a Swiss snow-drift in the Kent gave it me back. "I should rob my Road. family," he said, "if I was to offer But my standing, possessed of only ninepence for it." three halfpence in the world, (and I am This was a disagreeable way of putting sure I wonder how they came to be left the business; because it imposed upon in my pocket on a Saturday night! ) trou- me, a perfect stranger, the unpleasantbled me none the less because I went ness of asking Mr. Dolloby to rob his on. I began to picture to myself, as a family on myaccount. My circumstanscrap of newspaper intelligence, my be- ces being so very pressing, however, I ing found dead in a day or two, under said I would take ninepence for it, if some hedge; and I trudged on miser- he pleased. Mr. Dolloby, not without ably, though as fast as I could, until some grumbling, gave ninepence. I I happened to pass a little shop, where wished him good night, and walked it was written up that ladies' and gen- oit of the shop, the richer by that sum, tlemen's wardrobes were bought, and and the poorer by a waistcoat. But that the best price was given for rags, when I buttoned my jacket, that was bones, and kitchen-stuff. The master not much. of this shop was sitting at the door Indeed, I foresaw pretty clearly that in his shirt-sleeves, smoking; and, as my jacket would go next, and that I there were a great many coats and should have to make the best of my pairs of trousers dangling from the low way to Dover in a shirt and a pair of ceiling, and only two feeble candles trousers, and might deem myself lucky burning inside to show what they were, if I got there even in that trim. But I fancied that he looked like a man of my mind did not run so much on this a revengeful disposition, who had hung as might be supposed. Beyond a genall his enemies, and was enjoying him- eral impression of the distance before self. me, and of the young man with the My late experiences with Mr. and donkey-cart having used me cruelly, I Mrs. Micawber suggested to me that think I had no very urgent sense of here might be a means of keeping off my difficulties when I once again set the wolf for a little while. I went up off with my ninepence in my pocket. the next by-street, took off my waist- A plan had occurred to me for passing coat, rolled it neatly under my arm, and the night, which I was going to carry incame back to the shop door. " If you to execution. This was, to lie behind please, sir," I said, "I am to sell this the wall at the back of my old school, for a fair price." in a corner where there used to be a Mr. Dolloby - Dolloby was the name haystack. I imagined it would be a over the shop door, at least - took the kind of company to have the boys, and waistcoat, stood his pipe on its head the bedroom where I used to tell the against the door-post, went into the stories, so near me; although the boys shop followed by me, snuffed the two would know nothing of my being there, candles with his fingers, spread the and the bedroom would yield me no waistcoat on the counter, and looked shelter. at it there, held it up against the light, I had had a hard day's work, and and looked at it there, and ultimately was pretty well jaded when I came said, - climbing out, at last, upon the level of " What do you call a price, now, for Blackheath. It cost me some trouble this here little weskit? " to find out Salem House; but I found " 0, you know best, sir," I returned, it, and I found a haystack in the corner, modestly. and I lay down by it, having first "I can't be buyer and seller too," said walked round the wall, and looked up OF DA VID COPPERFIELD..103 at the windows, and seen that all was rest of the old Sunday morning were dark and silent within. Never shall I on everything, except me. That was forget the lonely sensation of first lying the difference. I felt quite wicked in down, without a roof above my head I my dirt and dust, and with my tangled Sleep came upon me as it came on hair. But for the quiet picture I had many other outcasts, against whom conjured up of my mother in her youth house-doors were locked, and house- and beauty, weeping by the fire, and dogs barked, that night; and I dreamed my aunt relenting to her, I hardly think of lying on my old school-bed, talking I should have had courage to go on to the boys in my room; and found until next day. But it always went bemyself sitting upright, with Steerforth's fore me, and I followed. name upon my lips, looking wildly I got, that Sunday, through threeat the stars that were glistening and and-twenty miles on the straight road, glimmering above me. When I re- though not very easily, for I was new to membered where I was at that untime- that kind of toil. I see myself, as evenly hour, a feeling stole upon me that ing closes in, coming over the bridge at made me get up, afraid of I don't know Rochester, footsore and tired, and eatwhat, and walk about. But the fainter ing bread that I had bought for supper. glimmering of the stars, and the pale One or two little houses, with the nolight in the sky where the day was com- tice " Lodgings for Travellers" hanging, reassured me; and, my eyes being ing out, had tempted me; but I was very heavy, I lay down again, and afraid of spending the few pence I had, slept -though with a knowledge in my and was even more afraid of the vicious sleep that it was cold - until the warm looks of the trampers I had met or beams of the sun, and the ringing of overtaken. I sought no shelter, therethe getting-up bell at Salem House, fore, but the sky; and, toiling into Chatawoke me. If I could have hoped that ham, - which, in that night's aspect, Steerforth was there, I would have is a mere dream of chalk, and drawlurked about until he came out alone; bridges, and mastless ships in a muddy but I knew he must have left long since. river, roofed like Noah's arks, - crept, Traddles still remained, perhaps, but it at last, upon a sort of grass-grown batwas very doubtful; and I had not suffi- tery overhanging a lane, where a sentry cient confidence in his discretion or was walking to and fro. Here I lay good luck, however strong my reliance down, near a cannon, and, happy in the was on his good-nature, to wish to trust society of the sentry's footsteps, though him with my situation. So I crept he knew no more of my being above away from the wall as Mr. Creakle's him than the boys at Salem House had boys were getting up, and struck into known of my lying by the wall, slept the long dusty track which I had first soundly until morning. known to be the Dover Road when I Very stiff and sore of foot I was in was one of them, and when I little ex- the morning, and quite dazed by the pected that any eyes would ever see me beating of drums and marching of the wayfarer I was now, upon it. troops, which seemed to hem me in on What a different Sunday morning every side when I went down towards from the old Sunday morning at Yar- the long narrow street. Feeling that I mouth! In due time I heard the could go but a very little way that day, church-bells ringing, as I plodded on; if I were to reserve any strength for and I met people who were going to getting to my journey's end, I resolved church; and I passed a church or two to make the sale of my jacket its princiwhere the congregation were inside, pal business. Accordingly, I took the and the sound of singing came out into jacket off, that I might learn to do withthe sunshine, while the beadle sat and out it, and, carrying it under my arm, cooled himself in the shade of the began a tour of inspection of the variporch, or stood beneath the yew-tree, ous slop-shops. with his hand to his forehead, glower- It was a likely place to sell a jacket ing at me going by. But the peace and in; for the dealers in second-hand 104 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE clothes were numerous, and were, gen- "0, what do you want? 0, my eyes erally speaking, on the look-out for and limbs, what do you want? 0, my customers at their shop doors. But, as lungs and liver, what do you want? 0, most of them had, hanging up among goroo!" which he screwed out of himtheir stock, an officer's coat or two, self, with an energy that made his eyes epaulettes and all, I was rendered timid start in his head. by the costly nature of their dealings, " I wanted to know," I said, tremand walked about for a long time with- bling, "if you would buy a jacket." out offering my merchandise to any one. "0, let's see the jacket!" cried the This modesty of mine directed my old man. " 0, my heart on fire, show attention to the marine-store shops, and the jacket to us! O, my eyes and such shops as Mr. Dolloby's, in pref- limbs, bring the jacket out I" erence to the regular dealers. At last With that he took his trembling I found one that I thought looked hands, which were like the claws of a promising, at theecorner of a dirty lane, great bird, out of my hair, and put on ending in an enclosure full of stinging a pair of spectacles, not at all ornanettles, against the palings of which mental to his inflamed eyes. some second-hand sailors' clothes, that "0, how much for the jacket? " cried seemed to have overflowed the shop, the old man, after examining it. "O were fluttering among some cots and - goroo! - how much for the jacket?" rusty guns and oilskin hats and certain " Half a crown," I answered, recovertrays full of so many old rusty keys of ing myself. so many sizes that they seemed various "0, my lungs and liver," cried the enough to open all the doors in the old man. "No! O, my eyes, no I world. O0 my limbs, no! Eighteenpence. Into this shop, which was low and Goroo! " small, and which was darkened rather Every time he uttered this ejaculathan lighted by a little window, over- tion, his eyes seemed to be in danger hung with clothes, and was descended of starting out; and every sentence he into by some steps, I went with a pal- spoke he delivered in a sort of tune, pitating heart; which was not relieved always exactly the same, and more like when an ugly old man, with the lower a gust of wind, which begins low, part of his face all covered with a stub- mounts up high, and falls again, than bly gray beard, rushed out of a dirty any other comparison I can find for den behind it, and seized me by the it. hair of my head. He was a dreadful "Well," said I, glad to have closed old man to look at, in a filthy flannel the bargain, "I'11 take eighteenpence." waistcoat, and smelling terribly of rum. "0, my liver I " cried the old man, His bedstead, covered with a tumbled throwing the jacket on a shelf. "Get and ragged piece of patchwork, was in out of the shop! 0, my lungs, get out the den he had come from, where an- of the shop I 0, my eyes and limbs other little window showed a prospect - goroo! - don't ask for money - of more stinging nettles, and a lame make it an exchange." donkey. I never was so frightened in my life, "O, what do you want? " grinned before or since; but I told him humbly this old man, in a fierce, monotonous that I wanted money, and that nothing whine. " 0, my eyes and limbs, what else was of any use to me, but that I do you want? 0, my lungs and liver, would wait for it, as he desired, outside, what do you want? 0, goroo, goroo!" and had no wish to hurry him. So I I was so much dismayed by these went outside, and sat down in the shade words, and particularly by the repetition in a corner. And I sat there so many of the last unknown one, which was a hours, that the shade became sunlight, kind of rattle in his throat, that I could and the sunlight became shade again, make no answer. Hereupon the old and still I sat there waiting for the man, still holding me by the hair, re- money. peated, - There never was such another drunk 1':~~~~~~~~~ I':~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I DAVID'S BARGAIN. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. o05 en madman in that line of business, I "I would go for nothing if I could," hope. That he was well known in the I said; "but I want the money badneighborhood, and enjoyed the reputa- ly." tion of having sold himself to the Devil, "0, go-roo!" (it is really impossiI soon understood from the visits he ble to express how he twisted this ejacreceived from the boys, who continually ulation out of himself, as he peeped came skirmishing about the shop, shout- round the doorpost at me, showing ing that legend, and calling to him to nothing but his crafty old head); "will bring out his gold. "You ain't poor, you go for fourpence " you know, Charley, as you pretend. I was so faint and weary that I closed Bring out your gold. Bring out some with this offer, and, taking the money of the gold you sold yourself to the out of his claw, not without trembling, Devil for. Come! It's in the lining went away more hungry and thirsty than of the mattress, Charley. Rip it open I had ever been, a little before sunset. and let's have some!" This, and But at an expense of threepence I soon many offers to lend him a knife for the refreshed myself completely; and, being purpose, exasperated him to such a in better spirits then, limped seven degree, that the whole day was a suc- miles upon my road. cession of rushes on his part, and flights My bed at night was under another on the part of the boys. Sometimes in haystack, where I rested comfortably, his rage he would take me for one of after having washed my blistered feet them, and come at me, mouthing, as if in a stream, and dressed them as well he were going to tear me in pieces; as I was able, with some cool leaves. then, remembering me, just in time, When I took the road again next mornwould dive into the shop, and lie upon ing, I found that it lay through a succeshis bed, as I thought from the sound sion of hop-grounds and orchards. It of his voice, yelling in a frantic way, was sufficiently late, in the year for the to his own windy tune, the Death of orchards to be ruddy with ripe apples; Nelson; with an O before every line, and in a few places the hop-pickers were and innumerable Goroos interspersed. already atwork. I thought it all exAs if this were not bad enough for me, tremely beautiful, and made up my the boys, connecting me with the estab- mind to sleep among the hops that lishment, on account of the patience night, - imagining some cheerful comand perseverance with which I sat out- panionship in the long perspectives of side, half-dressed, pelted me, and used poles, -with the graceful leaves twining me very ill all day. round them. He made many attempts to induce The trampers were worse than ever me to consent to an exchange, - at one that day, and inspired me with a dread time coming out with a fishing-rod, at that is yet quite fresh in my mind. another with a fiddle, at another with a Some of them were most ferocious-lookcocked hat, at another with a flute. ing ruffians, who stared at me as I went But I resisted all these overtures, and by, and stopped, perhaps, and called sat there in desperation, - each time after me to come back and speak to asking him, with tears in my eyes, for my them, and, when I took to my heels, money or my jacket. At last he began stoned me. I recollect one young fellow, to pay me in halfpence at a time; and a tinker, I suppose, from his wallet he was full two hours getting by easy and brazier, - who had a woman with stages to a shilling. him, and who faced about and stared at " 0, my eyes and limbs!" he then me thus; and then roared to me in such cried, peeping hideously out of the shop, a tremendous voice to come back, that I after a long pause, "will you go for halted and looked round. twopence more?" "Come here when you're called," "I can't," I said; "I shall be said the tinker, "or I'11 rip your young starved." body open." "0, my lungs and liver, will you go I thought it best to go back. As I for threepence?" drew nearer to them, trying to propitiate zo6 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE the tinker by my looks, I observed that which was a bank by the roadside, the woman had a black eye. wiping the blood from her face with a "Where are you going?" said the corner of her shawl, while he went on tinker, gripping the bosom of my shirt ahead. with his blackened hand. This adventure frightened me so, that "I am going to Dover," I said. afterwards, when I saw any of these "Where do you come from?" asked people coming, I turned back until I the tinker, giving his hand another turn could find a hiding-place, where I rein my shirt to hold me more securely. mained until they had gone out of sight; " I come from London," I said. which happened so often that I was " What lay are you upon?" asked the very seriously delayed. But under this tinker. "Are you a prig?" difficulty, as under all the other diffi"N-no," I said. culties of my journey, I seemed to be "Ain't you, by G-? If you make a sustained and led on by my fanciful brag of your honesty to me," said the picture of my mother in her youth, tinker, "I'11 knock your brains out." before I came into the world. It always With his disengaged hand he made a kept me company. It was there among menace of striking me, and then looked the hops, when I lay down to sleep; it at me from head to foot. was with me on my waking in the " Have you got the price of a pint of morning; it went before me all day. beer about you?" said the tinker. "If I have associated it, ever since, with you have, out with it, afore I take it the sunny street of Canterbury, dozing away! " as it were in the hot light, and with I should certainly have produced It, the sight of its old houses and gatebut that I met the woman's look, and ways, and the stately, gray Cathedral, saw her very slightly shake her head, with the rooks sailing round the towers. and form " No!" with her lips. When I came, at last, upon the bare, "I am very poor," I said; attempting wide downs near Dover, it relieved the to smile, " and have got no money." solitary aspect of the scene with hope; "Why, what do you mean?" said and not until I reached that first great the tinker, looking so sternly at me aim of my journey, and actually set foot that I almost feared he saw the money in the town itself, on the sixth day of in my pocket. my flight, did it desert me. But then, " Sir!" I stammered. strange to say, when I stood with my "What do you mean," said the tink- ragged shoes, and my dusty, sunburnt, er, " by wearing my brother's silk hand- half-clothed figure, in the place so long kercher? Give it over here!" And desired, it seemed to vanish like a he had mine off my neck in a moment, dream, and to leave me helpless and and tossed it to the woman. dispirited. The woman burst into a fit of laugh- I inquired about my aunt among the ter, as if she thought this a joke, and boatmen first, and received various tossed it back to me, nodded once, as answers. One said she lived in the slightly as before, and made the word South Foreland Light, and had singed "Go! " with her lips. Before I could her whiskers by doing so; another, that obey, however, the tinker seized the she was made fast to the great buoy handkerchief out of my hand, with a outside the harbor, and could only be roughness that threw me away like a visited at half-tide; a third, that she feather, and, putting it loosely round his was locked up in Maidstone Jail for own neck, turned upon the woman with child-stealing; a fourth, that she was an oath and knocked her down. I seen to mount a broom, in the last high never shall forget seeing her fall back- wind, and make direct for Calais. The ward on the hard road, and lie there fly-drivers, among whom I inquired with her bonnet tumbled off, and her next, were equally jocose and equalhair all whitened in the dust; nor, ly disrespectful; and the shopkeepwhen I looked back from a distance, ers, not liking my appearance, genseeing her sitting on the pathway, erally replied, without hearing what; I OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 107 had to say, that they had got nothing dressed myself to a man behind the for me. I felt more miserable and des- counter, who was weighing some rice titute than I had done at any period of for a young woman; but the latter, my running away. My money was all taking the inquiry to herself, turned gone; I had nothing left to dispose of; round quickly. I was hungry, thirsty, and worn out, "My mistress?" she said. "What and seemed as distant from my end as do you want with her, boy? " if I had remained in London. "I want," I replied, "to speak to The morning had worn away in these her, if you please." inquiries, and I was sitting on the step "To beg of her, you mean," retorted of an empty shop at a street corner, the damsel. near the market-place, deliberating "No," I said, "indeed." But sudupon wandering towards those other denly remembering that in truth I came places which had been mentioned, for no other purpose, I held my peace when a fly-driver, coming by with his in confusion, and felt my face burn. carriage, dropped a horsecloth. Some- My aunt's handmaid, as I supposed thing good-natured in the man's face, she was from what she had said, put as'I handed it up, encouraged me to her rice in a little basket and walked ask him if he could tell me where Miss out of the shop, telling me that I could Trotwood lived; though I had asked follow her, if I wanted to know where the question so often that it almost Miss Trotwood lived. I needed no died upon my lips. second permission; though I was by "Trotwood," said he. "Let me see. this time in such a state of consternaI know the name, too. Old lady?" tion and agitation that my legs shook "Yes," I said, "rather." under me. I followed the young wo" Pretty stiff in the back? " said he, man; and we soon came to a very neat making himself upright. little cottage with cheerful bow-win"Yes," I said; "I should think it dows, —in front of it, a small square very likely." gravelled court or garden full of flowers, "Carries a bag?" said he,-"bag carefully tended, and smelling deliwith a good deal of room in it —is ciously. gruffish, and comes down upon you, " This is Miss Trotwood's," said sharp?" the young woman. "Now you know; My heart sank within me as I ac- and that's all I have got to say." With knowledged the undoubted accuracy of which words she hurried into the house, this description. as if to shake off the responsibility of "Why then, I tell you what," said my appearance, and left me standing he. "If you go up there," pointing at the garden gate, looking disconsowith his whip towards the heights, lately over the top of it towards the "and keep right on till you come to parlor window, where a muslin curtain some houses facing the sea, I think partly undrawn in the middle, a large you'11 hear of her. My opinion is, she round green screen or fan fastened on won't stand anything, so here's a penny to the window-sill, a small table, and a for you." great chair suggested to me that my I accepted the gift thankfully, and aunt might be at that moment seated bought a loaf with it. Despatching this in awful state. refreshment by the way, I went in the My shoes were by this time in a wodirection my friend had indicated, and ful condition. The soles had shed walked on a good distance without themselves bit by bit, and the uppercoming to the houses he had mentioned. leathers had broken and burst, until the At length I saw some before me, and, very shape and form of shoes had deapproaching them, went into a little parted from them. My hat (which had shop (it was what we used to call a served me for a night-cap, too) was so general shop, at home), and inquired if crushed and bent that no old battered they could have the goodness to tell handleless saucepan on a dunghill need me where Miss Trotwood lived. I ad- have been ashamed to vie with it. My so8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE shirt and trousers, stained with heat, tone of amazement I have never heard dew, grass, and the Kentish soil on approached. which I had slept, —and torn besides, "If you please, aunt, I am your -might have frightened the birds from nephew." my aunt's garden, as I stood at the "O Lord!" said my aunt. And gate. My hair had known no comb or sat flat down in the garden path. brush since I left London. My face, " I am David Copperfield, of Blunneck, and hands, from unaccustomed derstone, in Suffolk-where you came, exposure to the air and sun, were burnt on the night when I was born, and saw to a berry-brown. From head to foot, I my dear mamma. I have been very was powdered almost as white with unhappy since she died. I have been chalk and dust as if I had come out of slighted, and taught nothing, and a lime-kiln. In this plight, and with a thrown upon myself, and put to work strong consciousness of it, I waited to not fit for me. It made me run away introduce myself to, and make my first to you. I was robbed at first setting impression on, my formidable aunt. out, and have walked all the way, and The unbroken stillness of the parlor have never slept in a bed since I began window leading me to infer, after a the journey." Here my self-support while, that she was not there, I lifted gave way all at once; and with a up my eyes to the window above it, movement of my hands, intended to where I saw a florid, pleasant-looking show her my ragged state, and call it to gentleman, with a gray head, who shut witness that I had suffered something, up one eye in a grotesque manner, I broke into a passion of crying, which nodded his head at me several times, I suppose had been pent up within me shook it at me as often, laughed, and all the week. went away. My aunt, with every sort of expresI had been discomposed enough be- sion but wonder discharged from her fore; but I was so much the more dis- countenance, sat on the gravel, staring composed by this unexpected behavior, at me, until I began to cry; when she that I was on the point of slinking off, got up in a great hurry, collared me to think how I had best proceed, when and took me into the parlor. Her first there came out of the house a lady with proceeding there was to unlock a tall her handkerchief tied over her cap, and press, bring out several bottles, and a pair of gardening gloves on her hands, pour some of the contents of each into wearing a gardening pocket like a toll- my mouth. I think they must have man's apron, and carrying a great knife. been taken out at random, for I am I knew her immediately to be Miss sure I tasted anise-seed water anchovy Betsey; for she came stalking out of the sauce, and salad dressing. When she house exactly as my poor mother had had administered these restoratives, as so often described her stalking up our I was still quite hysterical, and unable garden at Blunderstone Rookery. to control my sobs, she put me on the "Go away!" said Miss Betsey, sofa, with a shawl under my hea, and shaking her head, and making a dis- the handkerchief from her oiwjt head tant chop in the air with her knife. under my feet, lest I should sully the "Go along! No boys here! " cover; and then, sitting herself down I watched her, with my heart at my behind the green fan or screen I have lips, as she marched to a corner of her already mentioned, so that I could not garden, and stooped to dig up some lit- see her face, ejaculated at intervals, tle root there. Then, without a scrap "Mercy on us!" letting those exclamaof courage, but with a great deal of tions off like minute-guns.' desperation, I went softly in and stood After a time she rang the bell, beside her, touching her with my finger. "Janet," said my aunt, when her ser" If you please, ma'am," I began. vant came in. "Go up stairs, give my She started, and looked up. compliments to Mr. Dick, and say I "If you please, aunt." wish to speak to him." "EH? " exclaimed Miss Betsey, in a Janet ooked a little surprised to se OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 109 me lying stiffly on the sofa (I was Now, here you see young David Copafraid to move lest it should be dis- perfield; and the question I put to you pleasing to my aunt), but went on her is, what shall I do with him?" errand. My aunt, with her hands be- "What shall you do with him?" hind her, walked up and down the room, said Mr. Dick, feebly, scratching his until the gentleman who had squinted at head. " 0, do with him?" me from the upper window came in "Yes," said my aunt, with a grave laughing. look, and her forefinger held up. "Mr. Dick," said my aunt, "don't "Come! I want some very sound be a fool, because nobody can be more advice." discreet than you can, when you choose. " Why, if I was you," said Mr. Dick, We all know that. So don't be a fool, considering, and looking vacantly at whatever you are." me, "I should-" The contemplation The gentleman was serious immedi- of me seemed to inspire him with a sudately, and looked at me, I thought, as if den idea, and he added, briskly, "I he would entreat me to say nothing should wash him I" about the window. " Janet," said my aunt, turning round "Mr. Dick," said my aunt, "you with a quiet triumph, which I did not have heard me mention David Copper- then understand, " Mr. Dick sets us all field? Now don't pretend not to have right. Heat the bath!" a memory, because you and I know Although I was deeply interested in better." this dialogue, I could not help observing "David.Copperfield?" said Mr. my aunt, Mr. Dick, and Janet, while it Dick, who did not appear to me to was in progress, and completing a remember much about it. "David survey I had already been engaged in Copperfield? O yes, to be sure, making of the room. David, certainly." My aunt was a tall, hard-featured "Well," said my aunt, "this is his lady, but by no means ill-looking. boy, -his son. He would be as like There was an inflexibility in her face, his father as it's possible to be, if he in her voice, in her gait and carriage, was not so like his mother, too." amply sufficient to account for the effect "His son?" said Mr. Dick. "Da- she had made upon a gentle creature vid's son? Indeed!" like my mother; but her features were "Yes," pursued my aunt, "and he rather handsome than otherwise, though has done a pretty piece of business. unbending and austere. I particularly He has run away. Ah! His sister, noticed that she had a very quick, bright Betsey Trotwood, never would have eye. Her hair, which was gray, was run away." My aunt shook her head arranged in two plain divisions, under firmly, confident in the character and what I believe would be called a mobbehavior of the girl who never was cap: I mean a cap, much more comborn. mon then than now, with-side-pieces "0, you think she wouldn't have fastening under the chin. Her dress run away? " said Mr. Dick. was of a lavender color, and perfectly "Bless and save the man," exclaimed neat, but scantily made, as if she my aunt, sharply, "how he talks I Don't desired to be as little encumbered as I know she wouldn't? She would possible. I remember that I thought have lived with her godmother, and it, in form, more like a riding-habit with we should have been devoted to one the superfluous skirt cut off, than anyanother. Where, in the name of won- thing else. She wore at her side a der, should his sister, Betsey Trotwood, gentleman's gold watch, if I might judge have run from or to? " from its size and make, with an appro" Nowhere," said Mr. Dick. priate chain and seals. She had some "Well then," returned my aunt, soft- linen at her throat not unlike a shirtened by the reply, "how can you pre- collar, and things at her wrists like little tend to be wool-gathering, Dick, when shirt-wristbands. you are as sharp as a surgeon's lancet? Mr. Dick, as I have already said, was I I PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE gray-headed and florid. I should have darted out on a little piece of green in said all about him, in saying so, had front, and warned off two saddle-donnot his head been curiously bowed, - keys, lady-ridden, that had presumed not by age; it reminded me of one of to set hoof upon it; while my aunt, Mr. Creakle's boys' heads after a beat- rushing out of the house, seized the ing, - and his gray eyes prominent and bridle of a third animal laden with a large, with a strange kind of watery bestriding child, turned him, led him brightness in them, that made me, in forth fiom those sacred precincts, and combination with his vacant manner, boxed the ears of the unlucky urchin in his.submission to my aunt, and his attendance who had dared to profane childish delight when she praised him, that hallowed ground. suspect him of being a little mad, To this hour I don't know whether though, if he were mad, how he came my aunt had any lawful right of way to be there, puzzled me extremely. He over that patch of green; but she had was dressed like any other ordinary settled it in her own mind that she had, gentleman, in a loose gray morning and it was all the same to her. The coat and waistcoat, and white trousers; one great outrage of her life, demandand had his watch in his fob, and his ing to be constantly avenged, was the money in his pockets; which he rattled passage of a donkey over that immacuas if he were very proud of it. late spot. In whatever occupation she Janet was a pretty, blooming girl, of was engaged, however interesting to about nineteen or twenty, and a perfect her the conversation in which she was picture of neatness. Though I made taking part, a donkey turned the curno further observation of her at the rent of her ideas in a moment, and she moment, I may mention here what I did was upon him straight. Jugs of water, not discover until aftenrards, namely, and watering-pots, were kept in secret that she was one of a series of pro- places ready to be discharged on the tigies whom my aunt had taken into offending boys; sticks were laid in her service expressly to educate in a ambush behind the door; sallies were renouncement of mankind, and who made at all hours; and incessant war had generally completed their abjuration prevailed. Perhaps this was. an agreeby marrying the baker. able excitement to the donkey-boys; or The room was as neat as Janet or perhaps the more sagacious of the donmy aunt. As I laid down my pen, a keys, understanding how the case stood, moment since, to think of it, the air delighted with constitutional obstinacy from the sea came blowing in again, in coming that way. I only know that mixed with the perfume of the flowers; there were three alarms before the bath and I saw the old-fashioned furniture was ready; and that, on the occasion of brightly rubbed and polished, my aunt's the last and most desperate of all, I saw inviolable chair and table by the round my aunt engage, single-handed, with a green fan in the bow-window, the drug- sandy-headed lad of fifteen, and bump get-covered carpet, the cat, the kettle- his sandy head against her own gate, holder, the two canaries, the old china, before he seemed to comprehend what the punch-bowl full of dried rose-leaves, was the matter. These interruptions the tall press guarding all sorts of bot- were the more ridiculous to me, because ties and pots, and, wonderfully out of she was giving me broth out of a tablekeeping with the rest, my dusty self spoon at the time (having firmly perupon the sofa, taking note of every- suaded herself that I was actually starvthing. ing, and must receive nourishment at Janet had gone away to get the bath first in very small quantities), and, ready, when my aunt, to my great while my mouth was yet open to receive alarm, became in one moment rigid with the spoon, she would put it back into indignation, and had hardly voice to cry the basin, cry, " Janet! Donkeys! and out, "Janet! Donkeys! " go out to the assault. Upon which, Janet came running up The bath was a great comfort. Fw the stairs as if the house were in flames, I began to be sensible of-acuat paini 1 OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. Ix my limbs, from lying out in the fields, " Whatever possessed that poor unand was now so tired and low that I fortunate baby, that she must go and could hardly keep myself awake for five be married again," said my aunt, when minutes together. When I had bathed, I had finished, "I can't conceive." they (I mean my aunt and Janet) en- "Perhaps she fell in love with her robed me in a shirt and a pair of trou- second husband," Mr. Dick suggested. sers belonging to Mr. Dick, and tied me " Fell in love! " repeated my aunt. up in two or three great shawls. What "What do you mean? What business sort of bundle I looked like, I don't had she to do it? " know, but I felt a very hot one. Feel- "Perhaps," Mr. Dick simpered, afing also very faint and drowsy, I soon ter thinking a little, "she did it for lay down on the sofa again and fell pleasure." asleep. "Pleasure, indeed!" replied my It might have been a dream, originat- aunt. "A mighty pleasure for the ing in the fancy which had occupied my poor baby to fix her simple faith upon mind so long, but I awoke with the any dog of a fellow, certain to ill-use her impression that my aunt had come and in some way or other. What did she beni over me, and had put my hair propose to herself, I should like to away from my face, and laid my head know! She had had one husband. more comfortably, and had then stood She had seen David Copperfield out of looking at me. The words, "Pretty the world, who was always running affellow," or "Poor fellow," seemed to ter wax-dolls from his cradle. She had be in my ears, too; but certainly there got a baby, -0, there were a pair of was nothing else, when I awoke, to babies when she gave birth to this lead me to believe that they had been child sitting here, that Friday night! uttered by my aunt, who sat in the bow- and what more did she want?" window gazing at the sea from behind Mr. Dick secretly shook his head at the green fan, which was mounted on a me, as if he thought there was no getkind of swivel, and turned any way. ting over this. We dined soon after I awoke, off a " She could n't even have a baby like roast fowl and a pudding; I sitting at anybody else," said my aunt. "Where table, not unlike a trussed bird myself, was this child's sister, Betsey Trotand moving my arms with considerable wood! Not forthcoming. Don't tell difficulty. But as my aunt had swathed me!" me up, I made no complaint of being Mr. Dick seemed quite frightened. inconvenienced. All this time, I was "That little man of a doctor, with deeply anxious to know what she was his head on one side." said my aunt, going to do with me; but she took her "Jellips, or whatever his name was, - dinner in profound silence, except what was he about? All he could do, when' she occasionally fixed her eyes on was to say to me, like a robin redbreast, me sitting opposite, and said, "Mercy -as he is,-' It's a boy.' A boy I upon us! " which did not by any Yah, the imbecility of the whole set of means relieve my anxiety.'em! " The cloth being drawn, and some The heartiness of the ejaculation sherry put upon the table (of which I startled Mr. Dick exceedingly, and me, had a glass), my aunt sent up for Mr. too, if I am to tell the truth. Dick again, who joined us, and looked " And then, as if thiswas not enough, as wise as he could when she requested and she had not stood sufficiently in the him to attend to my story, which she light of this child's sister, Betsey Trotelieited from me, gradually, by a course wood," said my aunt, "she marries a of questions. During my recital, she second time, - goes and marries a Murkept her eyes on Mr. Dick, who I derer, or a man with a name like it, - thought would have gone to sleep but and stands in this child's light! And for that, and who, whensoever he the natural consequence is, as anybody lapsed into a smile, was checked by a but a baby might have foreseen, that he &oow nfromamy aunt. prowls and wanders. He'saslike Cain Ila PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE before he was grown up, as he can After tea, we sat at the window- on be." the look-out, as I imagined, from my Mr. Dick looked hard at me, as if to aunt's sharp expression of face, for more identify me in this character. invaders- until dusk, when Janet set " And then there's that woman with candles and a backgammon-board, on the Pagan name," said my aunt, — " that the table, and pulled down the blinds. Peggotty, -she goes and gets married "Now, Mr. Dick," said my aunt, with next. Because she has not seen enough her grave look, and her forefinger up as of the evil attending such things, she before, " I am going to ask you another goes and gets married next, as the child question. Look at this child." relates. I only hope," said my aunt, "David's son?" said Mr. Dick, with shaking her head, " that her husband is an attentive, puzzled face. one of those Poker husbands who "Exactly so," returned my aunt. abound in the newspapers, and will beat "What would you do with him, now?" her well with one." "Do with David's son?" said Mr. I could not bear to hear my old nurse Dick. so described, and made the subject of "Ay," replied my aunt, "with Dasuch a wish. I told my aunt that in- vid's son?" deed she was mistaken. That Peggotty "Oh!" said Mr. Dick. "Yes. Do was the best, the truest, the most faith- with -I should put him to bed." ful, most devoted, and most self-deny- "Janet! " cried my aunt, with the ing friend and servant in the world; same complacent triumph that I had who had ever loved me dearly; who had remarked before. " Mr. Dick sets us all ever loved my mother dearly; who had right. If the bed is ready, we'11 take held my mother's dying head upon her him up to it." arm; on whose face my mother had im- Janet reporting it to be quite ready, I printed her last grateful kiss. And, my was taken up to it, -kindly, but in some remembrance of them both choking sort like a prisoner; my aunt going in me, I broke down as I was trying to front, and Janet bringing up the rear. say that her home was my home, and The only circumstance which gave me that all she had was mine, and that I any new hope was my aunt's stopping would have gone to her for shelter, but on the stairs to inquire about a smell of for her humble station, which made me fire that was prevalent there, and Janet fear that I might bring some trouble on replying that she had been making tinher, -I broke down, I say, as I was der, down in the kitchen, of my old shirt. trying to say so, and laid my face in my But there were no other clothes in my hands upon the table. room than the odd heap of things I wore; "Well, well I" said my aunt, " the and when I was left there, with a little child is right to stand by those who have taper which my aunt forewarned me stood by him - Janet! Donkeys! " would burn exactly five minutes, I heard I thoroughly believe, that, but for them lock my door on the outside. those unfortunate donkeys, we should Turning these things over in my mind, have come to a good understanding: for I deemed it possible that my aunt, who my aunt had laid her hand on my shoul- could know nothing of me, might susder, and the impulse was upon me, thus pect that I had a habit of running away, emboldened, to embrace her and beseech and took precautions, on that account, her protection. But the interruption, to have me in safe keeping. and the disorder she was thrown into by The room was a pleasant one, at the the struggle outside, put an end to all top of the house, overlooking the sea, softer ideas for the present, and kept on which the moon was shining brilliantmy aunt indignantly declaiming to Mr. ly. After I had said my prayers, and Dick about her determination to appeal the candle had burnt out, I remember for redress to the laws of her country, how I still sat looking at the moonlight and to bring actions for trespass against on the water, as if I could hope to read the whole donkey proprietorship of my fortune in it, as in a bright book; Dover, until tea-time. or to- see my mother wit'r ca hid, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 113 coming from Heaven, along that shin- my confusion by proceeding with it; ing path, to look upon me as she had but my knife tumbled over my fork, my looked when I last saw her sweet face. fork tripped up'my knife, I chipped bits I remember how the solemn feeling with of bacon a surprising height into the which at length I turned my eyes away air instead of cutting them for my own yielded to the sensation of gratitude and eating, and choked myself with my tea, rest which the sight of the white-cur- which persisted in going the wrong way tained bed - and how much more the instead of the right one, until I gave in lying softly down upon it, nestling in altogether, and sat blushing under my the snow-white sheets!-inspired. I aunt's close scrutiny. remember how I thought of all the sol- " Hallo! " said my aunt, after a long itary places under the night sky where time. I had slept, and how I prayed that I looked up, and met her sharp bright I never might be houseless any more, glance respectfully. and never might forget the houseless. I "I have written to him," said my remember how I seemed to float, then, aunt. down the melancholy glory of that track "To-?" upon the sea, away into the world of "To your father-in-law," said my dreams. aunt. "I have sent him a letter that I'11 trouble him to attend to, or he and I will fall out, I can tell him! " CHAPTER XIV. "Does he know where I am, aunt?" I inquired, alarmed. MY AUNT MAKES UP HER MIND ABOUT "I have told him," said my aunt, ME. with a nod. "Shall I-be-given up to him?" ON going down in the morning, I I faltered. found my aunt musing so profoundly "I don't know," said my aunt. "We over the breakfast-table, with her elbow shall see." on the tray, that the contents of the urn "Oh! I can't think what I shall do," had overflowed the teapot and were lay- I exclaimed; " if I have to go back to ing the whole tablecloth under water, Mr. Murdstone!" when my entrance put her meditations "I don't know anything about it," to flight. I felt sure that I had been the said my aunt, shaking her head. "I subject of her reflections, and was more can't say, I am sure. We shall see." than ever anxious to know her inten- My spirits sank under these words, tions towards me. Yet I dared not ex- and I became very downcast and heavy press my anxiety, lest it should give her of heart. My aunt, without appearing offence. to take much heed of me, put on a My eyes, however, not being so much coarse apron with a bib, which she took under control as my tongue, were at- out of the press, washed up the teacups tracted towards my aunt very often dur- with her own hands, and, when everying breakfast. I never could look at her thing was washed and set in the tray for a few moments together but I found again, and the cloth folded and put on her looking at me, - in an odd thought- the top of the whole, rang for Janet to ful manner, as if I were an immense remove it. She next swept up the way off, instead of being on the other crumbs with a little broom (putting on side of the small round table. When a pair of gloves first), until there did she had finished her breakfast, my aunt not appear to be one microscopic speck very deliberately leaned back in her left on the carpet; next dusted and archair, knitted her brows, folded her ranged the room, which was dusted and arms, and contemplated me at her ]ei- arranged to a hair's breadth already. sure, with such a fixedness of attention When all these tasks were performed to that I was quite overpowered by embar- her satisfaction, she took off the gloves raisment. Not having as yet finished and apron, folded them up, put them in my own breakfast, I attempted to hide the particular corer of the press from 8 II4 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE which they had been taken, brought en), before he observed my being presout her work-box to her own table in ent. the open window, and sat down, with' Ha! Phcebus!" said Mr. Dick, the green fan between her and the light, laying down his pen. " How does the to work. world go? I'11 tell you what," he add" I wish you'd go up stairs," said my ed, in a lower tone, "I should n't wish aunt, as she threaded her needle, "and it to be mentioned, but it's a -" here give my compliments to Mr. Dick, and he beckoned to me, and put his lips I'11 be glad to know how he gets on close to my ear -"it's a mad world. with his Memorial." Mad as Bedlam, boy I" said Mr. Dick, I rose with all alacrity, to acquit my- taking snuff from a round box on the self of this commission. table, and laughing heartily. " I suppose," said my aunt, eying Without presuming to give my opinme as narrowly as she had eyed the nee- ion on this question, I delivered my die in threading it, "you think Mr. message. Dick a short name, eh?" "Well," said Mr. Dick, in answer, "I thought it was rather a short "my compliments to her, and I - I bename yesterday," I confessed. lieve I have made a start. I think I "You are not to suppose that he have made a start," said Mr. Dick, has n't got a longer name, if he chose passing his hand among his gray hair, to use it," said my aunt, with a loftier and casting anything but a confident air. "Babley,-Mr. Richard Babley, look at his manuscript. "You have -that's the gentleman's true name." been to school? " I was going to suggest, with a modest " Yes, sir," I answered, "for a short sense of my youth and the familiarity I time." had already been guilty of, that I had "Do you recollect the date," said Mr. better give him the full benefit of that Dick, looking earnestly at me, and takname, when my aunt went on to say:- ing up his pen, to note it down, " when "But don't you call him by it, what- King Charles the First had his head ever you do. He can't bear his name. cut off?" That's a peculiarity of his. Though I I said I believed it happened in the don't know that it's much of a peculiar- year sixteen hundred and forty-nine. ity, either; for he has been ill-used "Well," returned Mr. Dick, scratchenough, by some that bear it, to have a ing his ear with his pen, and looking mortal antipathy for it, Heaven knows. dubiously at me. " So the books say; Mr. Dick is his name here, and every- but I don't see how that can be. Bewhere else, now,- if he ever went any- cause, if it was so long ago, how could where else, which he don't. So take the people about him have made that care, child, you don't call him anything mistake of putting some of the trouble but Mr. Dick." out of his head, after it was taken off, I promised to obey, and went up stairs into mine? " with my message; thinking, as I went, I was very much surprised by the that if Mr. Dick had been working at inquiry, but could give no information his Memorial long, at the same rate as on this point. I had seen him working at it, through "It's very strange," said Mr. Dick, the open door, when I came down, he with a despondent look upon his pawas probably getting on very well in- pers, and with his hand among his hair deed. I found him still driving at it again, " that I never can get that quite with a long pen, and his head almost right. I never can make that perfectly laid upon the paper. He was so intent clear. But no matter, no matter " he upon it that I had ample leisure to ob- said cheerfully, and rousing himself, serve the large paper kite in a comer, "there's time enough! My complithe confusion of bundles of manuscript, ments to Miss Trotwood, I am getting the number of pens, and, above all, the on very well indeed." quantity of ink (which he seemed to I was going away, when he directed have in, in half-gallon jars by the doz- my attention to the kite. Ki~~~i' i/I; ii i~~~~~~~~~~~iii;~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~l,',~,ix MISS TROTWOOD AND MR. DICK. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 115 "What do you think of that for a "If there is anything in the world," kite?" he said. said my aunt, with great decision and I answered that it was a beautiful force of manner, "that Mr. Dick is not, one. I should think it must have been it's that." as much as seven feet high. I had nothing better to offer, than "I made it. We'll go and fly it, another timid "0 indeed!" you and I," said Mr. Dick. "Do you "He has been called mad," said my see this?" aunt. "I have a selfish pleasure in He showed me that it was covered saying he has been called mad, or I with manuscript, very closely and la- should not have had the benefit of his boriously written, but so plainly that society and advice for these last ten as I looked along the lines I thought years and upwards,-in fact, ever since I saw some allusion to King Charles your sister, Betsey Trotwood, disapthe First's head again in one or two pointed me." places. "So long as that?" I said. "There's plenty of string," said Mr. "And nice people they were, who had Dick; "and when it flies high it takes the audacity to call him mad," pursued thefacts a long way. That's my man- my aunt. "Mr. Dick is a sort of disner of diffusing'em. I don't know tant connection of mine,-it doesn't where they may come down. It's matter how. I needn't enter into that. according to circumstances, and the If it had n't been for me,.his own brothwind, and so forth; but I take my er would have shut him up for life. chance of that." That's all." His face was so very mild and pleas- I am afraid it was hypocritical in me; ant, and had something so reverend in but, seeing that my aunt felt strongly it, though it was hale and hearty, that on the subject, I tried to look as if I I was not sure but that he was having felt strongly too. a good-humored jest with me. So I "A proud fool! " said my aunt. laughed, and he laughed, and we part- "Because his brother was a little ed the best friends possible. eccentric,- though he is not half so "Well, child," said my aunt, when I eccentric as a good many people, —he went down stairs. "And what of Mr. didn't like to have him visible about Dick, this morning?" his house, and sent him away to some I informed her that he sent his com- rivate asylum-place; though he had pliments, and was getting on very well been left to his particular care by their indeed. deceased father, who thought him al"What do you think of him?" said most a natural. And a wise man he my aunt. must have been to think so! Mad I had some shadowy idea of endeav- himself, no doubt." oring to evade the question by reply- Again, as my aunt looked quite coning that I thought him a very nice vinced, I endeavored to look quite gentleman; but my aunt was not to be convinced also. so put off, for she laid her work down "So I stepped in," said my aunt, in her lap, and said, folding her hands "and made him an offer; I said, your upon it, - brother's sane, -a great deal more "Come! Your sister Betsey Trot- sane than you are, or ever will be, it is wood would have told me what she to be hoped. Let him have his little thought of any one directly. Be as income, and come and live with me. I like your sister as you can, and speak am not afraid of him, I am not proud, I out!" am ready to take care of him, and shall "Is he-is Mr. Dick-I ask be- not ill-treat him as some people (besides cause I don't know, aunt —is he at all the asylum folks) have done. After a out of his mind then?" I stammered; good deal of squabbling," said my aunt, for I felt I was on dangerous ground. " I got him; and he has been here ever "Not a morsel," said my aunt. since. He is the most friendly and " 0, indeed " I observed, faintly. amenable creature in existence; and I 6 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE as for advice!-But nobody knows had'been constantly getting into it, and what that man's mind is, except my- was there now. self."."I say again," said my aunt, "noMy aunt smoothed her dress and body knows what that man's mind is shook her head, as if she smoothed de- except myself; and he's the most amenfiance of the whole world out of the able and friendly creature in existence. one, and shook it out of the other. If he likes to fly a kite sometimes, what "He had a favorite, sister," said my of that! Franklin used to fly a kite. aunt, - "a good creature, and very kind He was a Quaker, or something of that to him. But she did what they all do, sort, if I am not mistaken. And a -took a husband. And he did what Quaker flying a kite is a much more they all do,-made her wretched. It ridiculous object than anybody else." had such an effect upon the mind of Mr. If I could have supposed that my Dick (that's not madness I hope!) aunt had recounted these particulars for that, combined with his fear of his my especial behoof, and as a piece of brother, and his sense of his unkind- confidence in me, I should have felt ness, it threw him into a fever. That very much distinguished, and should was before he came to me; but the have augured favorably from such a recollection of it is oppressive to him mark of her good opinion. But I could even now. Did he say anything to hardly help observing that she had you about King Charles the First, launched into them, chiefly because the child? " question was raised in her own mind, "Yes, aunt." and with very little reference to me, "Ah i" said mfy aunt, rubbing her though she had addressed herself to me nose as if she were a little vexed. in the absence of anybody else. " That's his allegorical way of express- At the same time, I must say that the ing it. He connects his illness with generosity of her championship of poor great disturbance and agitation, natu- harmless Mr. Dick not only inspired rally, and that's the figure, or the sim- my young breast with some selfish hope ile, or whatever it's called, which he for myself, but warmed it unselfishly chooses to use. And why shouldn't towards her. I believe that I began to he, if he thinks proper!" know that there was something about I said, " Certainly, aunt." my aunt, notwithstanding her many ec"It's not a business-like way of centricities and odd humors, to be honspeaking," said my aunt, "nor a worldly ored and trusted in. Though she was way. I am aware of that; and that's just as sharp that day as on the day the reason why 1 insist upon it, that before, and was in and out about the there sha'n't be a word about it in his donkeys just as often, and was thrown Memorial." into a tremendous state of indignation, "Is it a Memorial about his own his- when a young man, going by, ogled tory that he is writing, aunt?" Janet at a window (which was one of "Yes, child," said my aunt, rubbing the gravest misdemeanors that could be her nose again. " He is memorializing committed against my aunt's dignity), the Lord Chancellor, or the Lord Some- she seemed to me to command more of body or other, - one of those people, at my respect, if not less of my fear. all events, who are paid to be memorial-'The anxiety I underwent, in the inized, -about his affairs. I suppose it terval which necessarily elapsed before will go in, one of these days. He a reply could be received to her letter has n't been able to draw it up yet, to Mr. Murdstone, was extreme; but I without introducing that mode of ex- made an endeavor to suppress it, and pressing himself; but it don't signify; to be as agreeable as I could in a quiet it keeps him employed." way, both to my aunt and Mr. Dick. In fact, I found out afterwards, that The latter and I would have gone out Mr. Dick had been for upwards of ten to fly the great kite, but that I had years endeavoring to keep King Charles still no other clothes than the anything the First out of the Memorial; but he but ornamental garments with which I OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 117 had been decorated on the first day, Janet, turn himround. Leadhim off!" and which confined me to the house, and I saw, from behind my aunt, a sort except for an hour after dark, when my of hurried battle-piece, in which the aunt, for my health's sake, paraded me donkey stood resisting everybody, with up and down on the cliff outside, before all his four legs planted different ways, going to bed. At length the reply from while Janet tried to pull him round by Mr. Murdstone came, and my aunt in- the bridle, Mr. Murdstone tried to formed me, to my infinite terror, that lead him on, Miss Murdstone struck at he was coming to speak to her himself Janet with a parasol, and several boys, on the next day. On the next day, still who had come to see the engagement, bundled up il my curious habiliments, shouted vigorously. But my aunt, sudI sat counting the time, flushed and denly descrying among them the young heated by the conflict of sinking hopes malefactor who was the donkey's guarand rising fears within me, and wait- dian, and who was one of the most ining to be startled by the sight of the veterate offenders against her, though gloomy face, whose non-arrival startled hardly in his teens, rushed out to the me every minute. scene of action, pounced upon him, capMy aunt was a little more imperious tured him, dragged him, with his jacket and stern than usual; but I observed over his head, and his heels grinding no other token of her preparing herself the ground, into the garden, and, callto receive the visitor so much dreaded ing upon Janet to fetch the constables by me. She sat at work in the window, and justices, that he might be taken, and I sat by, with my thoughts running tried, and executed on the spot, held astray on all possible and impossible him at bay there. This part of the results of Mr. Murdstone's visit, until business, however, did not last long; pretty late in the afternoon. Our dinner for the young rascal, being expert at a had been indefinitely postponed; but it variety of feints and dodges, of which was growing so late that my aunt had my aunt had no conception, soon went ordered it to be got ready, when she whooping away, leaving some deep gave a sudden alarm of donkeys, and, impressions of his nailed boots in the to my consternation and amazement, I flower-beds, and taking his donkey in beheld Miss Murdstone, on a side-sad- triumph with him. die, ride deliberately over the sacred Miss Murdstone, during the latter piece of green, and stop in front of the portion of the contest, had dismounted, house, looking about her. and was now waiting with her brother " Go along with you!" cried my aunt, at the bottom of the steps, until my shaking her head and her fist at the aunt should be at leisure to receive window. " You have no business there. them. My aunt, a little ruffled by the How dare you trespass? Go along! combat, marched past them into the 0, you bold-faced thing " house, with great dignity, and tookdlno My aunt was so exasperated by the notice of their presence, until they were coolness with which Miss Murdstone announced by Janet. looked about her, that I really believe "Shall I go away, aunt?" I asked, she was motionless, and unable for the trembling. moment to dart out according to custom. " No, sir,' said my aunt. "CertainI seized the opportunity to inform her ly not I" With which she pushed me who it was, and that the gentleman into a corner near her, and fenced, me now coming near the offender (for the in with a chair, as if it were a prison or a way up was very steep, and he had bar of justice. This position I contindropped behind) was Mr. Murdstone ued to occupy during the whole interhimself. view, and from it I now saw Mr. and " I don't care who it is " cried my Miss Murdstone enter the room. aunt, still shaking her head, and gestic- "0," said my aunt, "I was not ulating anything but welcome from the aware at first to whom I had the pleasure bow-window. "I won't be trespassed of objecting. But I don't allow anybody upon. I won't allow it. Go awayl to ride over that turf. I make no ex 1I8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ceptions. I don't allow anybody to do the group, with a grave and attentive it." expression of face. My aunt inclined " Your regulation is rather awkward to her head to Mr. Murdstone, who went strangers," said Miss Murdstone. on,"Is it?" said my aunt. "Miss Trotwood, on the receipt of Mr. Murdstone seemed afraid of a your letter, I considered it an act of renewal of hostilities, and, interposing, greater justice to myself, and perhaps of began, - more respect to you-" "Miss Trotwood " " Thank you," said my aunt, still ey"I beg your pardon," observed my ing him keenly. "You needn't mind aunt, with a keen look. "You are the me." Mr. Murdstone who married the widow "-To answer it in person, however of my late nephew, David Copperfield, inconvenient the journey," pursued Mr. of Blunderstone Rookery?-Though Murdstone, "rather than by letter. why Rookery, I don't know!" This unhappy boy who has run away " I am," said Mr. Murdstone. from his friends and his occupation-" "You'll excuse my saying, sir," re- "And whose appearance," interposed turned my aunt, " that I think it would his sister, directing general attention to have been a much better and happier me in my indefinable costume, "is perthing if you had left that poor child fectly scandalous and disgraceful." alone." "Jane Murdstone," said her broth" I so far agree with what Miss Trot- er, " have the goodness not to interrupt wood has remarked," observed Miss me. This unhappy boy, Miss TrotMurdstone, bridling, " that I consider wood, has been the occasion of much our lamented Clara to have been, in all domestic trouble and uneasiness, both essential respects, a mere child." during the lifetime of my late dear wife, "It is a comfort to you and me, and since. He has a sullen, rebellious ma'am," said my aunt, "who are spirit, a violent temper, and an untogetting on in life, and are not likely to ward, intractable disposition. Both my be made unhappy by our personal sister and myself have endeavored to attractions, that nobody can say the correct his vices, but ineffectually. And same of us." I have felt —we both have felt, I may " No doubt I" returned Miss Murd- say; my sister being fully in my confistone, though, I thought, not with a dence -that it is right you should very ready or gracious assent. "And receive this grave and dispassionate it certainly might have been, as you say, assurance from our lips." a better and happier thing for my broth- " It can hardly be necessary for me to er, if he had never entered into such a confirm anything stated by my brother," marriage. I have always been of that said Miss Murdstone; "but I beg to opinion." observe, that, of all the boys in the " I have no doubt you have," said my world, I believe this is the worst boy." aunt. "Janet," ringing the bell, "my " Strong! " said my aunt, shortly. compliments to Mr. Dick, and beg him "But not at all too strong for the to come down." facts," returned Miss Murdstone..Until he came, my aunt sat perfectly "Ha!" said my aunt. " Well, sir?" upright and stiff, frowning at the wall. " I have my own opinions," resumed When he came, my aunt performed the Mr. Murdstone, whose face darkened ceremony of introduction. more and more, the more he and my' "Mr. Dick. An old and intimate aunt observed each other, which they friend. On whose judgment," said my did very narrowly, " as to the best mode aunt, with emphasis, as an admonition of bringing him up. They are founded, to Mr. Dick, who was,,-bting his fore- in part, on my knowledge of him, and finger, and lookinvgather foolish, "I in part, on my knowledge of my own rely." means and resources. I am responsible Mr. Dick took his finger out of his for them to myself, I act upon them, and mouth, on this hint, and stood among I say no more about them. It is enough OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. r9 that I place this boy under the eye of a it was left to her unconditionally. But friend of my own, in a respectable busi- when she married again, -when she ness; that it does not please him; that took that most disastrous step of marryhe runs away from it, makes himself a ing you, in short," said my aunt, "to common vagabond about the country; be plain, - did no one put in a word for and comes here, in rags, to appeal to the boy at that time?" you, Miss Trotwood. I wish to set "My late wife loved her second husbefore you, honorably, the exact conse- band, madam," said Mr. Murdstone, quences -so far as they are within my "and trusted implicitly in him." knowledge-of your abetting him in "Your late wife, sir, was a most this appeal." unworldly, most unhappy, most unfor"But about the respectable business tunate baby," returned my aunt, shakfirst," said my aunt. "If he had been ing her head at him. "That's what your own boy, you would have put him she was. And, now what have you to it, just the same I suppose? " got to say next?" "If he had been my brother's own "Merely this, Miss Trotwood," he boy," returned Miss Murdstone, strik- returned. "I am here to take David ing in, "his character, I trust, would back, - to take him back unconditionhave been altogether different." ally, to dispose of him as I think proper, "Or if the poor child, his mother, and to deal with him as I think right. had been alive, he would still have gone I am not here to make any promise, or into the respectable business, would give any pledge to anybody. You may he?" said my aunt. possibly have some idea, Miss Trot" I believe," said Mr. Murdstone, wood, of abetting him in his running with an inclination of his head, "that away, and in his complaints to you. Clara would have disputed nothing Your manner, which I must say does which myself anddmy sister, Jane Murd- not seem intended to propitiate, induces stone, were agreed was for the best." me to think it possible. Now I must Miss Murdstone confirmed this with caution you, that, if you abet him once, an audible murmur. you abet him for good and all; if you " Humph! " said my aunt. " Un- step in between him and me, now, you fortunate baby! " must step in, Miss Trotwood, forever. I Mr. Dick, who had been rattling his cannot trifle, or be trifled with. I am money all this time, was rattling it so here, for the first and last time, to take loudly now that my aunt felt it neces- him away. Is he readyto go? If he is sary to check him with a look, before not, - and you tell me he is not; on any saying, - pretence; it is indifferent to me what, - " The poor child's annuity died with my doors are shut against him henceher?" forth, and yours, I take it for granted, " Died with her," replied Mr. Murd- are open to him." stone. To this address my aunt had listened " And there was no settlement of the with the closest attention, sitting perlittle property —the house and garden fectly upright, with her hands folded on -the what's-its-name Rookery with- one knee, and looking grimly on the out any rooks in it- upon her boy?" speaker. When he had finished, she " It had been left to her, uncondition- turned her eyes so as to command Miss ally, by her first husband," Mr. Murd- Murdstone, without otherwise disturbstone began, when my aunt caught him ing her attitude, and said, - up with the greatest irascibility and im- "Well, ma'am, have you got anypatience. thing to remark? " "" Good Lord, man! there's no occa- " Indeed, Miss Trotwood," said Miss sion to say that. Left to her uncondi- Murdstone, "all that I could say has tionally! I think I see David Copper- been so well said by my brother, and all field looking forward to any condition that I know to be the fact has been so of any sort or kind, though it stared plainly stated by him, that I have nothhim point-blank in the face! Of course ing to add except my thanks for your 120 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE politeness. For your very great polite- came in her way, -smirking and making ness, I am sure," said Miss Murdstone; great eyes at her, I'11 be bound, as if with an irony which no more affected you could n't say boh! to a goose! " my aunt than it discomposed the cannon "I never heard anything so eleI had slept by at Chatham. gant! " said Miss Murdstone. "And what does the boy say? " said "Do you think I can't understand my aunt. "Are you ready to go, Da- you as well as if I had seen you," purvid?" sued my aunt, "now that I do see and I answered, No, and entreated her not hear you, - which, I tell you candidly, to let me go. I said that neither Mr. is anything but a pleasure to me? nor Miss Murdstone had ever liked me, yes, bless us! who so smooth and silky or had ever been kind to me: that they as Mr. Murdstone at first! The poor, had made my mamma, who always benighted innocent had never seen such loved me dearly, unhappy about me, a man. He was made of sweetness. and that I knew it well, and that Peg- He worshipped her. He doted on her ~gotty knew it. I said that I had been boy, -tenderly doted on him! He more miserable than I thought anybody was to be another father to him, and could believe who only knew how young they were all to live together in a garden I was. And I begged and prayed my of roses, were n't they? Ugh! Get aunt - I forget in what terms now, but along with you, do!" said my aunt. I remember that they affected me very "I never heard anything like this much then —to befriend and protect person in my life!" exclaimed Miss me, for my father's sake. Murdstone. "Mr. Dick," said my aunt, "what "And when you had made sure of shall I do with this child?" the poor little fool," said my aunt,Mr. Dick considered, hesitated, "God forgive me that I should call her brightened, and rejoined, " Have him so, and she gone where you won't go in measured for a suit of clothes directly." a hurry, - because you had not done "Mr. Dick," said my aunt, trium- wrong enough to her and hers, you phantly, " give me your hand, for your must begin to train her, must you? becommon sense is invaluable." Having gin to break her, like a poor caged shaken it with great cordiality, she bird, and wear her deluded life away, pulled me towards her, and said to Mr. in teaching her to sing your notes? " Murdstone, - " This is either insanity or intoxica" You can go when you like; I'11 take tion," said Miss Murdstone, in a permy chance with the boy. If he's all fect agony, at not being able to turn the you say he is, at least I can do as much current of my aunt's address towards for him then, as you have done. But I herself; " and my suspicion is, that it's don't believe a word of it." intoxication." "Miss Trotwood," rejoined Mr. Miss Betsey, without taking the least Murdstone, shrugging his shoulders, as notice of the interruption, continued to he rose, "if you were a gentleman-" address herself to Mr. Murdstone, as " Bah! stuff and nonsense!" said my if there had been no such thing. aunt. "Don't talk to me!" "Mr. Murdstone," she said, shaking "How exquisitely polite!" exclaimed her finger at him, "you were a tyrant Miss Murdstone, nsing. "Overpower- to the simple baby, and you broke her ing, really!" heart. She was a loving baby, -I " Do you think I don't know," said know that; I knew it years before you my aunt, turning a deaf ear to the sister, ever saw her, -and through the best and continuing to address the brother, part of her weakness, you gave her the and to shake her head at him with in- wounds she died of. There is the truth finite expression, "what kind of life for your comfort, however you like it. you must have led that poor, unhappy, And you and your instruments may misdirected baby? Do you think I make the most of it." don't know what a woful day it was "Allow me to inquire, Miss Trotfor the soft little creature whenyou first wood," interposed Miss Murdstone, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. I21 "whom you are pleased to call, in a however, her. face gradually relaxed, choice of words in which I am not ex- and became so pleasant that I was emperienced, my brother's instruments?" boldened to kiss and thank her; which Still stone deaf to the voice, and ut- I did with great heartiness, and with terly unmoved by it, Miss Betsey pur- both my arms clasped round her neck. sued her discourse. I then shook hands with Mr. Dick, who " It was clear enough, as I have told shook hands with me a great many you, years before you ever saw her, - times, and hailed this happy close of and why, in the mysterious dispensations the proceedings with repeated bursts of of Providence, you ever did see her, is laughter. more than humanity can comprehend, "You'll consider yourself guardian, - it was clear enough that the poor soft jointly with me, of this child, Mr. little thing would marry somebody, at Dick," said my aunt. some time or other; but I did hope it "I shall be delighted," said Mr. wouldn't have been as bad as it has Dick, "to be the guardian of David's turned out. That was the time, Mr. son." Murdstone, when she gave birth to her "Very good," returned my aunt; boy here," said my aunt; "to the poor "that's settled. I have been thinkchild you sometimes tormented her ing, do you know, Mr. Dick, that I through afterwards, which is a disa- might call him Trotwood?" greeable remembrance, and makes the " Certainly, certainly. Call him Trotsight of him odious now. Ay, ay wood, certainly," said Mr. Dick. "Dayou needn't wince!" said my aunt, vid's son's Trotwood." "I know it's true without that." " Trotwood Copperfield, you mean," He had stood by the door, all this returned my aunt. while, observant of her, with a smile "Yes, to be sure. Yes. Trotwood upon his face, though his black eyebrows Copperfield," said Mr. Dick,- a littlewere heavily contracted. I remarked abashed. now, that, though the smile was on his My aunt took so kindly to the noface still, his color had gone in a mo- tion, that some ready-made clothes, ment, and he seemed to breathe as if he which were purchased for me that afhad been running. ternoon, were marked " Trotwood Cop" Good day, sir," said my aunt, " and perfield," in her own handwriting, and good by! Good day to you, too, in indelible marking-ink, before I put ma'am," said my aunt, turning sudden- them on; and it was settled that all the ly upon his sister. " Let me see you other clothes which were ordered to be ride a donkey over my green again, and, made for me (a complete outfit was beas sure as you have a head upon your spoke that afternoon) should be marked shoulders, I'11 knock your bonnet off, in the same way. and tread upon it! " Thus I began my new life, in a new It would require a painter, and no name, and with everything new about common painter too, to depict my aunt's me. Now that the state of doubt was face as she delivered herself of this very over, I felt, for many days, like one in a unexpected sentiment, and Miss Murd- dream. I never thought that I had a stone's face as she heard it. But the curious couple of guardians, in my aunt manner of the speech, no less than the and Mr. Dick. I never thought of anymatter, was so fiery that Miss Murd- thing about myself, distinctly. The two stone, without a word in answer, dis- things clearest in my mind were, that a creetly put her arm through her broth- remoteness had come upon the old Bluner's, and walked haughtily out of the derstone life, -which seemed to lie in cottage; my aunt remaining in the the haze of an immeasurable distance; window, looking after them, prepared, and that a curtain had forever fallen on I have no doubt, in case of the don- my life at Murdstone and Grinby's. key's reappearance, to carry her threat No one has ever raised that curtain into instant execution. since. I have lifted it for a moment, No attempt at defiance being made, even in this narrative, with a reluctant 322 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE hand, and dropped it gladly. The re- out looking up at the kite in the sky, membrance of that life is fraught with and'feeling it pull and tug at his hand. so much pain to me, with so much He never looked so serene as he did mental suffering and want of hope, then. I used to fancy, as I sat by him that I have never had the courage of an evening, on a green slope, and saw even'to examine how long I was him watch the kite high in the quiet air, doomed to lead it. Whether it lasted that it lifted his mind out of its confufor a year, or more, or less, I do not sion, and bore it (such was my boyish know. I only know that it was, and thought) into the skies. As he wound ceased to be; and that I have written, the string in, and it come lower and and there I leave it. lower down out of the beautiful light, until it fluttered to the ground, and lay there like a dead thing, he seemed to wake gradually out of a dream; and CHAPTER XV. I remember to have seen him take it up, and look about him in a lost way, I MAKE ANOTHER BEGINNING. as if they had both come down together, so that I pitied him with all my MR. DICK and I soon became the heart. best of friends, and very often, when his While I advanced in friendship and day's work was done, went out together intimacy with Mr. Dick, I did not go to fly the great kite. Every day of his backward in the favor of his stanch life he had a long sitting at the Me- friend, my aunt. She took so kindly to morial, which never made the least me that, in the course of a few weeks, progress, however hard he labored; for she shortened my adopted name of King Charles the First always strayed Trotwood into Trot; and even encourinto it, sooner or later, and then it was aged me to hope that, if I went on as thrown aside, and another one begun. I had begun, I might take equal rank The patience and hope with which he in her affections with my sister Betsey bore these perpetual disappointments, Trotwood. the mild perception he had that there "Trot," said my aunt one evening, was something wrong about King when the backgammon-board was placed Charles the First, the feeble efforts he as usual for herself and Mr. Dick, "we made to keep him out, and the certainty must not forget your education." with which he came in, and tumbled This was my only subject of anxiety, the Memorial out of all shape, made and I felt quite delighted by her refera deep impression on me. What Mr. ring to it. Dick supposed would come of the Me- " Should you like to go to school at morial, if it were completed; where he Canterbury?" said my aunt. thought it was to go, or what he thought I replied that I should like it very it was to do; he knew no more than any- much, as it was so near her. body else, I believe. Nor was it at all "Good," said my aunt. -" Should necessary that he should trouble himself you like to go to-morrow?" with such questions, for if anything were Being already no stranger to the gencertain under the sun, it was certain eral rapidity of my aunt's evolutions, I that the Memorial never would be fin- was not surprised by the suddenness of ished. the proposal, and said, "Yes." It was quite an affecting sight, I used " Good," said my aunt again. " Jato think, to see him with the kite when net, hire the gray pony and chaise toit was up a great height in the air. morrow morning at ten o'clock, and What he had told me, in his room, pack up Master Trotwood's clothes toabout his belief in its disseminating night." the statements pasted on it, which were I was greatly elated by these orders; nothing but old leaves of abortive Me- but my heart smote me for my selfishmorials, might have been a fancy with ness, when I witnessed their effect on him sometimes; but not when he was Mr. Dick, who was so low-spirited at OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. x~3 the prospect of our separation, and tunity of insinuating he gray pony played so ill in consequence, that my among carts, baskets, vegetables, and aunt, after giving him several admoni- hucksters' goods. The hair-breadth tory raps on the knuckles with her turns and twists we made drew down lice-box, shut up the board, and de- upon us a variety of speeches from the:lined to play with him any more. But, people standing about, which were not 3n hearing from my aunt that I should always complimentary; but my aunt sometimes come over on a Saturday, drove on with perfect indifference, and ind that he could sometimes come and I dare say would have taken her own see me on a Wednesday, he revived, way with as much coolness through an ind vowed to make another kite for enemy's country.:hose occasions, of proportions greatly At length we stopped before a very surpassing the present one. In the old house bulging out over the road, - a norning he was down-hearted again, house with long low lattice-windows md would have sustained himself by bulging out still further, and beams giving me all the money he had in his with carved heads on the ends bulging possession, gold and silver too, if my out too, so that I fancied the whole iunt,had not interposed, and limited house was leaning forward, trying to;he gift to five shillings, which, at his see who was passing on the narrow Earnest petition, were afterwards in- pavement below. It was quite spotless:reased to ten. We parted at the gar- in its cleanliness. The old-fashioned _en gate in a most affectionate manner, brass knocker on the low arched door, and Mr. Dick did not go into the house ornamented with carved garlands of fruit until my aunt had driven me out of and flowers, twinkled like a star; the sight of it. two stone steps descending to the door My aunt, who was perfectly indiffer- were as white as if they had been covent to public opinion, drove the gray ered with fair linen; and all the angles pony through Dover in a masterly man- and corners, and carvings and mouldner, - sitting high and stiff like a stage- ings, and quaint little panes of glass, coachman, keeping a steady eye upon and quainter little windows, though as him wherever he went, and making a old as the hills, were as pure as any point of not letting him have his own snow that ever fell upon the hills.,way in any respect. When we came When the pony-chaise stopped at the into the country road, she permitted door, and my eyes were intent upon the him to relax a little, however, and house, I saw a cadaverous face appear looking at me down in a valley of cush- at a small window on the ground floor ion by her side, asked me whether I (in a little round tower that formed one was happy. side of the house), and quickly disap"Very happy indeed, thank you, pear. The low arched door then opened, aunt," I said. and the face came out. It was quite as She was much gratified, and, both cadaverous as it had looked in the winher hands being occupied, patted me dow, though in the grain of it there was on the head with her whip. that tinge of red which is sometimes to "Is it a large school, aunt?" I be observed in the skins of red-haired asked. people. It belonged to a red-haired "Why, I don't know," said my aunt. person —a youth of fifteen, as I take it "We are going to Mr. Wickfield's now, but looking much older-whose first." hair was cropped as close as the closest " Does he keep a school? " I asked. stubble; who had hardly any eyebrows, "No, Trot," said my aunt. "He and no eyelashes, and eyes of a redkeeps an office." brown; so unsheltered and unshaded, I asked for no more information about that I remember wondering how he Mr. Wickfield, as she offered none; and went to sleep. He was high-shoulwe conversed on other subjects until we dered and bony; dressed in decent came to Canterbury, where, as it was black, with a white wisp of a neckcloth; market-day, my aunt had a great oppor- buttoned up to the throat; and had a I24 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE long, lank, skeleton hand, which par- county; "what wind blows you here? ticularly attracted my attention, as he Not an ill wind, I hope?" stood at the pony's head, rubbing his " No," replied my aunt; "I have not chin with it, and looking up at us in the come for any law." chaise. "That's right, ma'am," said Mr. "Is Mr. Wickfield at home, Uriah Wickfield. " You had better come for Heep?" said my aunt. anything else." " Mr. Wickfield's at home, ma'am," His hair was quite white now, though said Uriah Heep, "if you'11 please to his eyebrows were still black. He had walk in there," - pointing with his long a very agreeable face, and, I thought, hand to the room he meant. was handsome. There was a certain We got out, and, leaving him to hold richness in his complexion, which I had the pony, went into a long low parlor been long accustomed, under Peggotty's looking towards the street, from the tuition, to connect with port wine; and window of which I caught a glimpse, as I fancied it was in his voice too, and I went in, of Uriah Heep breathing into referred his growing corpulency to the the pony's nostrils, and immediately same cause. He was very cleanly covering them with his hand, as if he dressed, in a blue coat, striped waistwere putting some spell upon him. coat, and nankeen trousers; and his Opposite to the tall old chimney-piece, fine frilled shirt and cambric neckcloth were two portraits, - one of a gentleman looked unusually soft and white, rewith gray hair (though not by any means minding my strolling fancy (I call to an old man) and black eyebrows, who mind) of the plumage on the breast of a was looking over some papers tied to- swan. gether with red tape; the other of a "This is my nephew," said my aunt. lady, with a very placid and sweet ex- "Wasn't aware you had one, Miss pression of face, who was looking at me. Trotwood," said Mr. Wickfield. I believe I was turning about in "My grand-nephew, that is to say," search of Uriah's picture, when a door observed my aunt. at the farther end of the room opening, "Wasn't aware you had a granda gentleman entered, at sight of whom nephew, I give you my word," said Mr. I turned to the first-mentioned portrait Wickfield. again, to make quite sure that it had " I have adopted him," said my aunt, not come out of its frame. But it was with a wave of her hand, importing that stationary; and, as the gentleman ad- his knowledge and his ignorance were vanced into the light, I saw that he was all one to her, " and I have brought him some years older than when he had had here, to put him to a school where he his picture painted. may be thoroughly well taught, and well "Miss Betsey Trotwood," said the treated. Now tell me where that school gentleman, "pray walk in. I was en- is, and what it is, and all about it." gaged for the moment, but you'11 ex- \ "Before I can advise you properly," cuse my being busy. You know my said Mr. Wickfield,- "the old quesmotive. I have but one in life." tion you know. What's your motive Miss Betsey thanked him, and we in this?" went into his room, which was furnished "Deuce take the man! " exclaimed as an office, with books, papers, tin my aunt. "Always fishing for motives, boxes, and so forth. It looked into a when they're on the surface! Why, to garden, and had an iron safe let into make the child happy and useful." the wall, - so immediately over the "It must be a mixed motive, I mantel-shelf, that I wondered, as I sat think," said Mr. Wickfield, shaking down, how the sweeps got round it when his head and smiling incredulously. they swept the chimney. "A mixed fiddlestick!" returned my "Well, Miss Trotwood," said Mr. aunt. "You claim to have one plain Wickfield; for I soon found that it was motive in all you do yourself. You he, and that he was a lawyer, and steward don't suppose; I hope, that you are the of the estates of a rich gentleman of the only plain dealer in the world? " OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 125 "Ay, but I have only one motive in tempts to get out of their way, -such life, Miss Trotwood," he rejoined, smil- as standing on a chair to look at a map ing. " Other people have dozens, scores, on the other side of the room, and porhundreds. I have only one. There's ing over the columns of a Kentish newsthe difference. However, that's beside paper, -but they always attracted me the question. The best school? What- back again and whenever I looked ever the motive, you want the best? " towards those two red suns, I was sure My aunt nodded assent. to find them, either just rising or just "At the best we have," said Mr. setting. Wickfield, considering, "your nephew At length, much to my relief, my couldn't board just now." aunt and Mr. Wickfield came back, " But he could board somewhere else, after a pretty long absence. They were I suppose? " suggested my aunt. not so successful as I could have Mr. Wickfield thought I could. Af- wished; for, though the advantages of ter a little discussion, he proposed to the school were undeniable, my aunt take my aunt to the school, that she had not approved of any of the boardmight see it, and judge for herself; ing-houses proposed for me. also,,to take her, with the same object, " It's very unfortunate," said my to two or three houses where he thought aunt. " I don't know what to do, I could be boarded. My aunt embra- Trot." cing the proposal, we were all three "It does happen unfortunately," said going out together, when he stopped Mr. Wickfield. " But I'11 tell you and said, - what you can do, Miss Trotwood." "Our little friend here might have "What's that?" inquired my aunt. some motive, perhaps, for objecting to "Leave your nephew here, for the the arrangements. I think we had bet- present. He's a quiet fellow. He ter leave him behind? " won't disturb me at all. It's a capital My aunt seemed disposed to contest house for study, -as quiet as a monasthe point; but, to facilitate matters, I tery, and almost as roomy. Leave him said I would gladly remain behind, if here." they pleased; and returned into Mr. My aunt evidently liked the offer, Wickfield's office, where I sat down though she was delicate of accepting it.,again, in the chair I had first occupied, So did I. to await their return. "Come, Miss Trotwood," said Mr. It so happened that this chair was Wickfield. "This is the way out of opposite a narrow passage, which ended the difficulty. It's only a temporary in the little circular room where I had arrangement, you know. If it don't seen Uriah Heep's pale face looking act well, or don't quite accord with our out of window. Uriah, having taken mutual convenience, he can easily go to the pony to a neighboring stable, was the right-about. There will be time to at work at a desk in this room, which find some better place for him in the had a brass frame on the top, to hang mean while. You had better determine papers upon, and on which the writing to leave him here for the present! " he was making a copy of was then "I am very much obliged to you," hanging. Though his face was towards said my aunt; "and so is he, I see; me, I thought, for some time, the writ- but-" ing being between us, that he could not "Come! I know what you mean," see me; but, looking that way more cried Mr. Wickfield. "You shall not attentively, it made me uncomfortable be oppressed by the receipt of favors, to observe that, every now and then, Miss Trotwood. You may pay for him his sleepless eyes would come below if you like. We won't be hard about the writing, like two red suns, and terms, but you shall pay if you will." stealthily stare at me, for I dare say a "On that understanding," said my whole minute at a time, during which aunt, "though it doesn't lessen the his pen went, or pretended to go, as real obligation, I shall be very glad to cleverly as ever. I made several at- leave him." 126 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Then come and see my little house- it was, with more oak beams, and dia keeper," said Mr. Wickfield. mond panes, and the broad balustrade We accordingly went up a wonderful going all the way up to it. old staircase, - with a balustrade so I cannot call to mind where or when broad that we might have gone up that, in my'childhood, I had seen a stainer almost as easily, - and into a shady old glass window in a church. Nor do I drawing-room, lighted by some three or recollect its subject. But I know tha four of the quaint windows I had looked when I saw her turn round, in the up at from the street; which had old grave light of the old staircase, anc oak seats in them, that seemed to have wait for us, above, I thought of tha come of the same trees as the shining window; and that I associated some. oak floor, and the great beams in the thing of its tranquil brightness witl ceiling. It was a prettily furnished Agnes Wickfield ever afterwards. room, with a piano and some lively My aunt was as happy as I was, ir furniture in red and green, and some the arrangement made for me; and wc flowers. It seemed to be all old nooks went down to the drawing-room again, and corners; and in every nook and well pleased and gratified. As she corer there was some queer little table, would not hear of staying to dinner, or cupboard, or bookcase, or seat, or lest she should by any chance fail tc something or other, that made me think arrive at home with the gray pony bethere was not such another good corner fore dark, -and as I apprehend Mr. in the room; until I looked at the next Wickfield knew her too well to argue one, and found it equal to it, if not bet- any point with her, -some lunch was ter. On everything there was the same provided for her there, and Agnes went air of retirement and cleanliness that back to her governess, and Mr. Wickmarked the house outside. field to his office. So we were left to Mr. Wickfield tapped at a door in a take leave of one another without any corner of the panelled wall, and a girl restraint. of about my own age came quickly out She told me that everything would and kissed him. On her face I saw be arranged for me by Mr. Wickfield, immediately the placid and sweet ex- and that I should want for nothing, and pression of the lady whose picture had gave me the kindest words and the best looked at me down stairs. It seemed advice. to my imagination as if the portrait had " Trot," said my aunt in conclusion, grown womanly, and the original re- " be a credit to yourself, to me, and Mr. mained a child. Although her face was Dick, and Heaven be with you! " quite bright and happy, there was a I was greatly overcome, and could tranquillity about it, and about her, - only thank her, again and again, and a quiet, good, calm spirit, -that I send my love to Mr. Dick. never have forgotten, that I never shall " Never," said my aunt, "be mean forget. in anything; never be false; never be This was his little housekeeper, his cruel. Avoid those three vices, Trot, daughter Agnes, Mr. Wickfield said. and I can always be hopeful of you." When I heard how he said it, and saw I promised, as well as I could, that I how he held her hand, I guessed what would not abuse her kindness, or forget the one motive of his life was. her admonition. She had a little basket-trifle hanging "The pony's at the door," said my at her side, with keys in it; and she aunt, "and I am off! Stay here." looked as staid and as discreet a house- With these words she embraced me keeper as the old house could have. hastily, and went out of the room, shutShe listened to her father as he told her ting the door after her. At first I was about me, with a pleasant face, and, startled by so abrupt a departure, and when he had concluded, proposed to almost feared I had displeased her; my aunt that we should go up stairs and but when I looked into the street, and see my room. We all went together; saw how dejectedly she got into the she before us. And a glorious old room chaise, and drove away without lwok OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 1at ing up, I understood her better, and It was such an uncomfortable hand did not do her that injustice. that, when I went to my room, it was By five o'clock, which was Mr. Wick- still cold and wet upon my memory. field's dinner-hour, I had mustered up Leaning out of window, and seeing one my spirits again, and was ready for my of the faces on the beam-ends looking knife and fork. The cloth was only at me sideways, I fancied it was Uriah laid for us two; but Agnes was waiting Heep got up there somehow, and shut in the drawing-room before dinner, him out in a hurry. went down with her father, and sat opposite to him at table. I doubted whether he could have dined without her. We did not stay there, after dinner, CHAPTER XVI. but came up stairs into the drawingroom again; in one snug corner of I AM A NEW BOY IN MORE SENSES which, Agnes set glasses for her father, THAN ONE. and a decanter of port wine. I thought he would have missed its usual flavor, NEXT morning, after breakfast, I if it had been put there for him by any entered on school-life again. I went, other hands. accompanied by Mr. Wickfield, to the There he sat, taking his wine, and scene of my future studies,-a grave taking a good deal of it, for two hours; building in a court-yard, with a learned while Agnes played on the piano, air about it that seemed very well worked, and talked to him and me. suited to the stray rooks and jackdaws He was, for the most part, gay and who came down from the Cathedral cheerful with us; but sometimes his towers to walk with a clerkly bearing eyes rested on her, and he fell into a on the grass-plot, - and was introduced brooding state, and was silent. She to my new master, Dr. Strong. always observed this quickly, as I Dr. Strong looked almost as rusty, thought, and always roused him with a to my thinking, as the tall iron rails question or caress. Then he came and gates outside the house; and alout of his meditation, and drank more most as stiff and heavy as the great vwine. stone urns that flanked them, and were Agnes made the tea, and presided set up, on the top of the red-brick wall, over it; and the time passed away after at regular distances all round the court, it, as after dinner, until she went to like sublimated skittles, for Time to bed; when her father took her in his play at. He was in his library (I mean arms and kissed her, and, she being Dr. Strong was), with his clothes not gone, ordered candles in his office. particularly well brushed, and his hair Then I went to bed too. not particularly well combed; his kngeBut in the course of the evening I smalls unbraced; his long black gaihad rambled down to the door, and a ters unbuttoned; and his shoes yawnlittle way along the street, that I might ing like two caverns on the hearthhave another peep at the old houses, rug. Turning upon me a lustreless and the gray Cathedral; and might eye, that reminded me of a long-forgotthink of my coming through that old ten blind old horse who once used to city on my journey, and of my passing crop the grass and tumble over the graves the very house I lived in, without in Blunderstone churchyard, he said he knowing it. As I came back, I saw was glad to see me; and then he gave Uriah Heep shutting up the office, me his hand, which I did n't know and, feeling friendly towards everybody, what to do with, as it did nothing for went in and spoke to him, and, at part- itself. ing, gave him my hand. But 0, what But, sitting at work, not far off from a clammy hand his was! as ghostly to Dr. Strong, was a very pretty young the touch as to the sight! I rubbed lady, -whom he called Annie, and who mine afterwards, to warm it, and to rub was his daughter, I supposed, -who his off. got me out of my difficulty by kneeling 128 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE down to put Dr. Strong's shoes on,'Yes, I know," said Mr. Wickfield; and button his gaiters, which she did "at home or abroad." with great cheerfulness and quickness. "Ay!" replied the Doctor apparWhen she had finished, and we were ently wondering why he emphasized going out to the school-room, I was those words so much. "At home o0 much surprised to hear Mr. Wickfield, abroad." in bidding her good morning, address "Your own expression, you know,' her as "Mrs. Strong"; and I was said Mr. Wickfield. "Or abroad." wondering could she be Dr. Strong's "Surely," the Doctor answered. son's wife, or could she be Mrs. Dr. "Surely. One or other." Strong, when Dr. Strong himself un- "One or other? Have you no consciously enlightened me. choice?" asked Mr. Wickfield. "By the by, Wickfield," he said, "No," returned the Doctor. stopping in a passage with his hand on " No?" with astonishment. my shoulder, " you have not found any " Not the least." suitable provision for my wife's cousin "No motive," said Mr. Wickfield, yet?" "for meaning abroad, and not at "No," said Mr. Wickfield. "No. home?" Not yet." " No," returned the Doctor. " I could wish it done as soon as it "I am bound to believe you, and of can be done, Wickfield," said Doctor course I do believe you," said Mr. Strong; " for Jack Maldon is needy and Wickfield. "It might have simplified idle, and of those two bad thigs, worse my office very much, if I had known it things sometimes come. What does before. But I confess I entertained Doctor Watts say?" he added, looking another impression." at me, and moving his head to the Doctor Strong regarded him with a time of his quotation, -"'Satan finds puzzled and doubting look, which some mischief still for idle hands to almost immediately subsided into a do."' smile that gave me great encourage" Egad, Doctor," returned Mr. Wick- ment; for it was full of amiability and field, " if Doctor Watts knew mankind, sweetness, and there was a simplicity he might have written, with as much in it, and indeed in his whole manner, truth,' Satan finds some mischief still when the studious, pondering frost upon for busy hands to do.' The busypeople it was got through, very attractive and achieve their full share of mischief in hopeful to a young scholar like me. the world, you may rely upon it. What Repeating "no," and "not the least," have the people been about who have and other short assurances to the same been the busiest in getting money, and purport, Doctor Strong jogged on before, in getting power, this century or two? us, at a queer, uneven pace; and we No mischief?" followed: Mr. Wickfield looking grave, "Jack Maldon will never be very I observed, and shaking his head to busy in getting either, I expect," said himself, without knowing that I saw Doctor Strong, rubbing his chin him. thoughtfully. The school-room was a pretty large " Perhaps not," said Mr. Wickfield; hall, on the quietest side of the house, "and you bring me back to the ques- confronted by the stately stare of some tion, with an apology for digressing. half-dozen of the great urns, and comNo; I have not been able to dispose of manding a peep of an old secluded garMr. Jack Maldon yet. I believe," he den belonging to the Doctor, where the said this with some hesitation, " I pen- peaches were ripening on the sunny etrate your motive, and it makes the south wall. There were two great aloes, thing more difficult." in tubs, on the turf outside the windows; "My motive," returned Doctor the broad hard leaves of which plant Strong, " is to make some suitable pro- (looking as if they were made of painted vision for a cousin, and an old playfellow, tin) have ever since, by association, been of Annie's." symbolical to me of silence and retire OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 129 ment. About five-and-twenty boys the boys had seen me coming through were studiously engaged at their books Canterbury, wayworn and ragged, and when we went in, but they rose to give should find me out? What would they the Doctor good morning, and remained say, who made so light of money, if they standing when they saw Mr. Wickfield could know how I scraped my halfpence and me. together, for the purchase of my daily " A new boy, young gentlemen," said saveloy and beer, or my slices of pudthe Doctor: "Trotwood Copperfield." ding? How would it affect them, who One Adams, who was the head-boy, were so innocent of London life and then stepped out of his place and wel- London.streets, to discover how knowcomed me. He looked like a young ing I was (and was ashamed to be) in clergyman, in his white cravat, but he some of the meanest phases of both? was very affable and good-humored; All this ran in my head so much, on and he showed me my place, and that first day at Dr. Strong's, that I felt presented me to the masters in a gen- distrustful of my slightest look and gestiemanly way that would have put me ture, shrunk within myself whensoever at my ease if anything could. I was approached by one of my new It seemed to me so long, however, schoolfellows, and hurried off the minsince I had been among such boys, or ute school was over, afraid of commitamong any companions of my own age, ting myself in my response to any except Mick Walker and Mealy Pota- friendly notice or advance. toes, that I felt as strange as ever I have But there was such an influence in done in all my life. I was so conscious Mr. Wiekfield's old house, that when of having passed through scenes of I knocked at it,. with my new schoolwhich they could have no knowledge, books under, my arm, I began to feel and of having acquired experiences my uneasiness softening away. As I foreign to my age, appearance, and con- went up to my airy old room, the grave dition as one of them, that I half be- shadow of the staircase seemed to fall lieved it was an imposture to come there upon my doubts and fears, and to make as an ordinary little school-boy. I had the past more indistinct. I sat there, become, in the Murdstone and Grinby sturdily conning my books, until dintime, however short or long it may have ner-time (we were out of school for been, so unused to the sports and games good at three), and went down, hopeof boys, that I knew I was awkward ful of becoming a passable sort of boy and inexperienced in the commonest yet. things belonging to them. Whatever I Agnes was in the drawing-room, waithad learnt, had so slipped away from ing for her father, who was detained by me in the sordid cares of my life from some one in his office. She met me day to night, that now, when I was ex- with her pleasant smile, and asked me amined about what I knew, I knew how I liked the school. I told her I nothing, and was put into the lowest should like it very much, I hoped; but form of the school. But, troubled as I I was a little strange to it at first. was, by my want of boyish skill, and of "You have never been to school," I book-learning too, I was made infinitely said, " have you?" more uncomfortable by the considera- "Oyes! Every day." tion, that, in what I did know, I was " Ah, but you mean here, at your own much farther removed from my com- home?" panions than in what I did not. My " Papa could n't spare me to go anymind ran upon what they would think, if where else," she answered, smiling and they knew of my familiar acquaintance shaking her head. "His housekeeper with the King's Bench Prison? Was must be in his house, you know." there anything about me which would " He is very fond of you, I am sure," reveal my proceedings in connection I said. with the Micawber family-all those She nodded "Yes," and went to the pawnings, and sellings, and suppers- door to listen for his coming up, that an spite of myself? Suppose some of she might meet him on the stairs. But, 9 130 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE as he was not there, she came back that,. as it seems I have no choice in the again. matter, the sooner I go abroad the bet" Mamma has been dead ever since I ter. My cousin Annie did say, when was born," she said, in her quiet way. we talked of it, that she liked to have -" I only know her picture, down stairs. her friends within reach rather than to I saw you looking at it yesterday. Did have them banished, and the old Docyou think whose it was?" I told her tor-" yes, because it was so like herself "Doctor Strong, was that?" Mr. "Papa says so, too," said Agnes, Wickfield interposed, gravely. pleased. "Hark! That's papa now!" " Doctor Strong, of course," returned Her bright calm face lighted' up with the other; "I call him the old Doctor, pleasure as she went to meet him, and -it's all the same you know." as they came in, hand in hand. He "I bn't know," returned Mr. Wickgreeted me cordially, and told me I field. should certainly be happy under Doc- "Well, Doctor Strong," said the tor Strong, who was one of the gentlest other, -"Doctor Strong was of the of men. same mind, I believed. But as it ap" There may be some, perhaps, - I pears from the course you take with me don'tknowthatthereare,-whoabusehis that he has changed his mind, why, kindness," said Mr. Wickfield. " Never there's no more to be said, except that be one of those, Trotwood, in anything. the sooner I am off the better. ThereHe is the least suspicious of mankind; fore, I thought I'd come back and say, and whether that's a merit, or whether that the sooner I am off the better. it's a blemish, it deserves consideration When a plunge is to be made into the in all dealings with the Doctor, great or water, it's of no use lingering on the small." bank." He spoke, I thought, as if he were "There shall be as little lingering as weary, or dissatisfied with something; possible, in your case, Mr. Maldon, but I did not pursue the question in you may depend upon it," said Mr. my mind, for dinner was just then an- Wickfield. nounced, and we went down and took "Thank'ee," said the other. "Much the same seats as before. obliged. I don't want to look a giftWe had scarcely done so, when Uriah horse in the mouth, which is not a graHeep put in his red head and his lank cious thing to do; otherwise, I dare hand at the door, and said, - say, my cousin Annie could easily ar" Here's Mr., Maldon begs the favor range it in her own way. I suppose of a word, sir." Annie would only have to say to the old "I am but this moment quit of Mr. Doctor-" Maldon," said his master. "Meaning that Mrs. Strong would "Yes, sir, "returned Uriah; "but only have to say to her husband -do I Mr. Maldon has come back, and he follow you?" said Mr. Wickfield. begs the favor of a word." " Quite so," returned the other, - As he held the door open with his "would only have to say, that she wanted hand, Uriah looked at me, and looked such and such a thing to be so and so-; at Agnes, and looked at the dishes, and and it would be so and so, as a matter looked at the plates, and looked at every of course." object in the room, I thought,-yet " And why as a matter of course, Mr. seemed to look at nothing; he made Maldon?" asked Mr. Wickfield, sedatesuch an appearance all the while of ly eating his dinner. keeping his red eyes dutifully on his " Why, because Annie's a charming master. young girl, and the old Doctor - Doc"I beg your pardon. It's only to tor Strong, I mean —is not quite a say, on reflection," observed a voice be- charming young boy," said Mr. Jack hind Uriah, as Uriah's head was pushed Maldon, laughing. "No offence to away, and the speaker's substituted, - anybody, Mr. Wickfield. I only mean "pray excuse me for this intrusion, - that I suppose some compensation is OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 131 fair and reasonable in that sort of mar- scend upon my breast. I love little riage." Em'ly, and I don't love Agnes, - no, "Compensation to the lady, sir?" not at all in that way, -but I feel that asked Mr. Wickfield, gravely. there are goodness, peace, and truth "To the lady, sir," Mr. Jack Maldon wherever Agnes is, and that the soft answered, laughing. But appearing to light of the colored window in the remark that Mr. Wickfield went on church, seen long ago, falls on her alwith his dinner in the same sedate, im- ways, and on me when I am near her, movable manner, and that there was and on everything around. no hope of making him relax a muscle The time having come for her withof his face, he added, - drawal for the night, and she having "However, I have said what I came left us, I gave Mr. Wickfield my hand, back to say, and, with another-apology preparatory to going away myself. But for this intrusion, I may take myself off. he checked me and said: " Should you Of course I shall observe your direc- like to stay with us, Trotwood, or to tions, in considering the matter as one go elsewhere?" to be arranged between you and me " To stay," I answered, quickly. solely, and not to be referred to, up at "You are sure?" the Doctor's." " If you please. If I may!" "Have you dined?" asked Mr. "Why, it's but a dull life that we Wickfield, with a motion of his hand lead here, boy, I am afraid," he said. towards the table. "Not more dull for me than Agnes, "Thank'ee. I am going to dine," sir. Not dull at all!" said Mr. Maldon, "with my cousin An- "Than Agnes," he repeated, walking nie. Good by!" slowly to the great chimney-piece, and Mr. Wickfield, without rising, looked leaning against it. " Than Agnes!" after him thoughtfully as he went out. He had drank wine that evening (or RHe was rather a shallow sort of young I fancied it), until his eyes were bloodgentleman, I thought, with a handsome shot. Not that I could see them now, face, a rapid utterance, and a confident, for they were cast down, and shaded by bold air. And this was the first I ever his hand; but I had noticed them a saw of Mr. Jack Maldon; whom I had little while before. not expected to see so soon, when I "Now I wonder," he muttered, heard the Doctor speak of him that "whether my Agnes tires of me. morning. When should I ever tire of her! But When we had dined, we went up that's different, -that's quite different." stairs again, where everything went on He was musing - not speaking to exactly as on the previous day. Agnes me; so I remained quiet. set the glasses and decanters in the same "A dull old house," he said, "and a corner, and Mr. Wickfield sat down to monotonous life; but I must have her drink, and drank a good deal. Agnes near me. I must keep her near me. played the piano to him, sat by him, If the thought that I may die and leave and worked and talked, and played my darling, or that my darling may die some games at dominos with me. In and leave me, comes, like a spectre to good time she made tea, and after- distress my happiest hours and is only to wards, when I brought down my books, be drowned in- " looked into them, and showed me what He did not supply the word, but she knew of them (which was no slight pacing slowly to the place where he had matter, though she said it was), and sat, and mechanically going through what was the best way to learn and the action of pouring wine from the understand them. I see her, with her empty decanter, set it down afd paced modest, orderly, placid manner, and I back again. hear her beautiful calm voice, as I write " If it is miserable to bear when she these words. The influence for all is here," he'said, "what would it be good which she came to exercise over and she away? No, no, no. I cannot me at a later time begins already to de- try that." 232 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE He leaned against the chimney-piece, " I'am not doing office-work, Ma$ter brooding so long that I could not Copperfield," said Uriah. decide whether to run the risk of "What work, then?" I asked. disturbing him by going, or to remain "I am improving my legal knowlquietly where I was, until he should edge, Master Copperfield," said Uriah. come out of his revery. At length he "I am going through Tidd's Practice. roused himself, and looked about the 0, what a writer Mr. Tidd is, Master room until his eyes encountered mine. Copperfield " "Stay with us, Trotwood, eh? " he My stool was such a tower of observasaid in his usual manner, and as if he tion, that as I watched him reading on were answering something I had just again, after this rapturous exclamation, said. "I am glad of it. You are con- and following up the lines with his pany to us both. It is wholesome to forefinger, I observed that his nostrils, have you here. Wholesome for me, which were thin and pointed, with wholesome for Agnes, wholesome per- sharp dints in them, had a singular haps for all of us."' and most uncomfortable way of expand"I am sure it is for me, sir," I said. ing and contracting themselves, —that " I am so glad to be here." they seemed to twinkle instead of his "That's a fine fellow!" said Mr. eyes, which hardly ever twinkled at all. Wickfield. "As long as you are glad "I suppose you are quite a great to be here, you shall stay here." He lawyer? I said, after looking at him shook hands with me upon it, and for some time. clapped me on the back; and told me "Me, Master Copperfield?" said that when I had anything to do at night Uriah. "O no! I'm a very umble after Agnes had left us, or when I person." wished to read for my own pleasure, I It was no fancy of mine about his was free to come down to his room, hands, I observed; for he frequently if he were there, and if I desired it for ground the palms against each other as company's sake, and to sit with him. if to squeeze them dry and warm, beI thanked him for his consideration, sides often wiping them, in a stealthy and, as he went down soon afterwards, way, on his pocket-handkerchief and I was not tired, went down too, "I am well aware that I am the with a book in my hand, to avail my- umblest person going," said Uriah self, for half an hour, of his permis- Heep, modestly; "let the other be sion. where he may. My mother is likewise But, seeing a light in the little round a very umble person. We live in a office, and immediately feeling myself numble abode, Master Copperfield, but attracted towards Uriah Heep, who had have much to be thankful for. My a sort of fascination for me, I went in father's former calling was umble. He there instead. I found Uriah, reading was a sexton." a great fat book, with such demonstra- " What is he now? " I asked. tive attention, that his lank forefinger "He is a partaker of glory at presfollowed up every line as he read, and ent, Master Copperfield," said Uriah made clammy tracks along the page (or Heep. "But we have much to be so I fully believed), like a snail. thankful for. How much have I to be "You are working late to-night, thankful for in living with Mr. WickUriah," says I. field!" "Yes, Master Copperfield," says I asked Uriah if he had been with Uriah. Mr. Wickfield long. As I was getting on the stool oppo- "I have been with him going on site, to talk to him more conveniently, four year, Master Copperfield," said I observed he had not such a thing as Uriah, shutting up his book, after carea smile about him, and that he could fully marking the place where he had only widen his mouth andc make two left off. " Snce a year after my Tabard creases down his cheeks, one on ther's death. How much have I to be each side, to stand for one. thankful for, in that I How much have OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 33 I to be thankful for, in Mr. Wickfield's mark I It is so true! Umble as I kind intention to give me my articles, am, I know it is so true I 0, thank you, which would otherwise not lay with- Master Copperfield! " in the umble means of mother and He writhed himself quite off his stool self!" in the excitement of his feelings, and, "Then when your articled time is being off, began to make arrangements over, you'11 be a regular lawyer, I sup- for going home. pose?" said I. "Mother will be expecting me," he "With the blessing of Providence, said, referring to a pale, inexpressiveMaster Copperfield," returned Uriah. faced watch in his pocket, "and getting " Perhaps you'11 be a partner in Mr. uneasy; for, though we are very umble, Wickfield's business one of these Master Copperfield, we are much atdays," I said, to make myself agreea- tached to one another. If you would ble; "and it will be Wickfield and come and see us, any afternoon, and Heep, or Heep late Wickfield." take a cup of tea at our lowly dwelling, "O no, Master Copperfield," re- mother would be as proud of your comturned Uriah, shaking his head, "I am pany as I should be." much too umble for that!" I said I should be glad to come. He certainly did look uncommonly "Thank you, Master Copperfield," like the carved face on the beam out- returned Uriah, putting his book away side my window, as he sat, in his hu- upon a shelf. "I suppose you stop mility, eying me sideways, with his here, some time, Master Copperfield? mouth widened, and the creases in his I said I was going to be brought up cheeks. there, I believed, as long as I remained " Mr. Wickfield is a most excellent at school. man, Master Copperfield," said Uriah. "O, indeed! "exclaimed Uriah. "I "If you have known him long, you should think you would come into the know it,I am sure, much better than I business at last, Master Copperfield! " can inform you." I protested that I had no views of I replied that I was certain he was; that sort, and that no such scheme was but that I had not known him long entertained in my behalf by anybody; myself, though he was a friend of my but Uriah insisted on blandly replying aunt's. to all my assurances, " O yes, Master "0, indeed, Master Copperfield," Copperfield, I should think you would, said Uriah. "Your aunt is a sweet indeed!" and, "O indeed, Master lady, Master Copperfield!" Copperfield, I should think you would, He had a way of writhing, when he certainly!" over andover again. Being, wanted to express enthusiasm, which at last, ready to leave the office for the was very ugly; and which diverted my night, he asked me if it would suit my attention from the compliment he had convenience to have the light put out, paid my relation to the snaky twist- and, on my answering "Yes," instantly ings of his throat and body. extinguished it. After shaking hands "A sweet lady, Master Copper- with me - his hand felt like a fish, in field!" said Uriah Heep. "She has the dark -he opened the door into the a great admiration for Miss Agnes, street a very little, and crept out, and Master Copperfield, I believe?" shut it, leaving me to grope my way I said "Yes," boldly; not that I back into the house: which cost me knew anything about it, Heaven for- some trouble and a fall over his stool. give me! This was the proximate cause, I suppose, " I hope you have, too, Master Cop- of my dreaming about him, for what apperfield," said Uriah. "But I am peared to me to be half the night, and sure you must have." dreaming among other things, that he "Everybody must have," I re- had launched Mr. Peggotty's house on turned. a piratical expedition, with a black flag " 0, thank you, Master Copper- at the mast-head, bearing the inscription fied," said Uriah Heep, "for that re- "Tidd's' Practice," under which dia 134 PERSONAL HISTORY- AND EXPERIENCE bolical ensign he was carrying me and Doctor out of house and home. Also, little Em'ly to the Spanish Main, to how the Doctor's cogitating manner be drowned. was attributable to his being always enI got a little the better of my uneasi- gaged in looking out for Greek roots; ness when I went to school next day, which, in my innocence and ignorance, I and a good deal the better next day, supposed to be a botanical furor on the and so shook it off by degrees that in Doctor's part, especially as he always less than a fortnight I was quite at home, looked at the ground when he walked and happy, among my new companions. about, until I understood that they were I was awkward enough in their games, roots of words, with a view to a new and backward enough in their studies; Dictionary which he had in contemplabut custom would improve me in the tion. Adams, our head boy, who had a frst respect, I hoped, and hard work turn for-mathematics, had made a calin the second. Accordingly, I went to culation, I was informed, of the time work very hard, both in play and in this Dictionary would take in completearnest, and gained great commenda- ing, on the Doctor's plan, and at the tion. And in a very little while the Doctor's rate of going. He considered Murdstone and Grinby life became so that it might be done in one thousand strange to me that I hardly believed in six hundred and forty-nine years, countit, while my present life grew so familiar ing from the Doctor's last, or sixtythat I seemed to have been leading it a second birthday. long time. But the Doctor himself was the idol Doctor Strong's was an excellent of the whole school: and it must have school; as different from Mr. Creakle's been a badly composed school if he had as good is from evil. It was very gravely been anything else; for he was the and decorously ordered, and on a sound kindest of men, with a simple faith in system; with an appeal, in everything, him that might have touched the stone to the honor and good faith of the boys, hearts of the very urns upon the wall. and an avowed intention to rely on As he walked up and down that part their possession of those qualities, unless of the court-yard which was at the side they proved themselves unworthy of it, of the house, with the stray rooks and which worked wonders. We all felt jackdaws looking after him with their that we had a part in the management heads cocked slyly, as if they knew of the place, and in sustaining its char- how much more knowing they were in acter and dignity. Hence, we soon be- worldly affairs than he, if any sort of came warmly attached to it - I am sure I vagabond could only get near enough to did for one, and I never knew, in all my his creaking shoes to attract his attentime, of any other boy being otherwise tion to one sentence of a tale of distress, -and learned with a good will, desiring that vagabond was made for the next to do it credit. We had noble games two days. It was so notorious in the out of hours, and plenty of liberty; but house, that the masters and head boys even then, as I remember, we were took pains to cut these marauders off well spoken of in the town, and rarely at angles, and to get out of windows, did any disgrace, by our appearance or and turn them out of the court-yard, manner, to the reputation of Doctor before they could make the Doctor Strong and Doctor Strong's boys. aware of their presence; which was Some of the higher scholars boarded sometimes happily effected within a in the Doctor's house, and through few yards of him, without his knowing them I learned, at second-hand, some anything of the matter, as he jogged to particulars of the Doctor's history, - as and fro. Outside his own domain, and how he had not yet been married twelve unprotected, he was a very sheep for months to the beautiful young lady I the shearers. He would have taken his had seen in the study, whom he had gaiters off his legs, to give away. In married for love, as she had not a six- fact, there was a story current among us pence, and had a world of poor relations (I have no idea, and never had, on what (so our fellows said) ready to swarm the authority, but I have believed it for so OF DA VID COPPE-RFIELD. 135 many years that I feel quite certain it is Mr. Jack Maldon, who was always surtrue), that on a frosty day, one winter- prised to see us. time, he actually did bestow his gaiters Mrs. Strong's mamma was a lady I on a beggar-woman, who occasioned took great delight in. Her name was some scandal in the neighborhood by Mrs. Markleham; but our boys used to exhibiting a fine infant from door to call her the Old Soldier, on account of door, wrapped in those garments, which her generalship, and the skill with were universally recognized, being as which she marshalled great forces of well known in the vicinity as the Ca- relations against the Doctor. She was thedral. The legend added that the a little, sharp-eyed woman, who used -only person who'did not identify them to wear, when she was dressed, one unwas the Doctor himself, who, when they changeable cap,. ornamented with some were shortly afterwards displayed at the artificial flowers, and two artificial butdoor of a little second-hand shop of no terfies supposed to be hovering above very good repute, where such things were the flowers. There was a superstition taken in exchange for gin, was more among us that this cap had come from than once observed to handle them France, and could only originate in the approvingly, as if admiring some cu- workmanship of that ingenious nation; rious novelty in the pattern, and con- but all I certainly know about it is, that sidering them an improvement on his it always made its appearance of an own. evening, wheresoever Mrs. Markleham It was very pleasant to see the Doc- made her appearance; that it was cartor with his pretty young wife. He had ried about to friendly meetings in a a fatherly, benignant way of showing Hindoo basket; that the butterflies his fondness for her, which seemed in had the gift of trembling constantly; itself to express a good man. I often and that they improved the shining saw them walking in the garden where hours at Dr. Strong's expense, like busy the peaches were, and I sometimes had bees. anearer observation of them in the study I observed the Old Soldier - not to or the parlor. She appeared to me to adopt the name disrespectfully - to take great care of the Doctor, and to pretty good advantage, on a night like him very much, though I never which is made memorable to me by thought her vitally interested in the something else I shall relate. It was Dictionary; some cumbrous fragments the night of a little party at the Docof which work the Doctor always car- tor's, which was given on the occasion ried in his pockets, and in the lining of Mr. Jack Maldon's departure for of his hat, and generally seemed to India, whither he was going as a cadet, be expounding to her as they walked or something of that kind, Mr. Wickabout. field having at length arranged the busiI saw a good deal of Mrs. Strong, ness. It happened to be the Doctor's both because she had taken a liking for birthday, too.' We had had a holiday, me on the morning of my introduction had made presents to him in the mornto the Doctor, and was always afterwards ing, had made a speech to him through kind to me, and interested in me; and the head boy, and had cheered him because she was very fond of Agnes, until we were hoarse, and until he had and was often backwards and forwards shed tears. And now, in the evening, at our house. There was a curious con- Mr. Wickfield, Agnes, and I went to straint between her and Mr. Wickfield, have tea with him in his private caI thought (of whom she seemed to be pacity. afraid), that never wore off. When she Mr. Jack Maldon was there, before came there of an evening, she always us. Mrs. Strong, dressed in white, shrunk from accepting his escort home, with cherry-colored ribbons, was playand ran away with me instead. And ing the piano, when we went in; and he sometimes, as we were running gayly was leaning over her to turn the leaves. across the Cathedral yard together, ex- The clear red and white of her compe'cting to meet nobody, we would meet plexion was not so blooming and flower 136 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE like as ustal, I thought, when she turned "No, really, my dear Doctor, you' round; but she looked very pretty, won- must excuse me if I appear to dwell on derfully pretty. this rather, because I feel so very "I have forgotten, Doctor," said strongly. I call it quite my monomaMrs. Strong's mamma, when we were nia, it is such a subject of mine. You seated, "to pay you the compliments of are a blessing to us. You really are a the day, —though they are, as you boon, you know." may suppose, very far from being mere "Nonsense, nonsense," said the compliments in my case. Allow me to Doctor. wish you many happy returns." "No, no, I beg your pardon," retort"I thank you, ma'am," replied the ed the Old Soldier. " With nobody Doctor. present, but our dear and confidential "Many, many, many happy returns," friend Mr. Wickfield, I cannot consent said the Old Soldier. "Not only for to be put down. I shall begin to assert your own sake, but for Annie's, and the privileges of a mother-in-law, if you John Maldon's, and many other peo- go on like that, and scold you. I am ple's. It seems but yesterday to me, perfectly honest and outspoken. What John, when you were a little creature, I am saying is what I said when you a head shorter than Master Copper- first overpowered me with surprisefield, making baby love to Annie behind you remember how surprised I was?the gooseberry-bushes in the back gar- by proposing for Annie. Not that den." there was anything so very much out of "My dear mamma," said Mrs. the way, in the mere fact of the propoStrong, "never mind that now." sal, -it would be ridiculous to say "Annie, don't be absurd," returned that!-but because, you having known her mother. "If you are to blush to her poor father and having known her hear of such things, now you are an old from a baby six months old, I had n't married woman, when are you not to thought of you in such a light at all, or blush to hear of them?" indeed as a marrying man in any way, "Old?" exclaimed Mr. Jack Mal- -simply that, you know." don. "Annie? Come?" "Ay, ay," returned the Doctor, good"Yes, John," returned the Soldier. humoredly. "Never mind." "Virtually, an old married woman. "But I do mind," said the Old SolAlthough not old by years, -for when dier, laying her fan upon his lips. "I did you ever hear me say, or who has mind very much. I recall these things ever heard me say, that a girl of twenty that I may be contradicted if I am was old by years!- your cousin is the wrong. Well! Then I spoke to Anwife of the Doctor, and, as such, what I nie, and I told her what had happened. have described her. It is well for you, I said,' My dear, here's Doctor Strong John, that your cousin is the wife of the has positively been and made you the Doctor. You have found in him an in- subject of a handsome declaration and fluential and kind friend, who will be an offer.' Did I press it in the least? kinder yet, I venture to predict, if you No. I said,'Now, Annie, tell me the deserve it. I have no false pride. I truth this moment; is your heart free?'" never hesitate to admit, frankly, that'Mamma,' she said, crying,'I am exthere are some members of our family tremely young' -which was perfectly who want a friend. You were one true -'and I hardly know if I have a yourself, before your cousin's influence heart at all.''Then, my dear,' I said, raised up one for you."'you may rely upon it, it's free. At all The Doctor, in the goodness of his events, my love,' said I,'Doctor Strong -heart, waved his hand as if to make is in an agitated state of mind, and must light of it, and save Mr. Jack Maldon be answered. He cannot be kept in from any further reminder. But Mrs. his present state of suspense.''MamMarkleham changed her chair for one ma,' said Annie, still crying,'would he next the Doctor's, and, putting her fan be unhappy without me? If he would, on his coat-sleeve, said, -I honor and respect him so much that OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 137 I think I will have him.' So it was "Certainly." settled. And then, and not till then, I "Well, then, I will," said the Old said to Annie,'Annie, Doctor Strong Soldier. "That's a bargain." And will not only be your husband, but he having, I suppose, carried her point, will represent your late father; he will she tapped the Doctor's hand several represent the head of our family; he times with her fan (which she kissed will represent the wisdom and station, first), and returned triumphantly to her and I may say the means, of our fam- former station. ily; and will be, in short, a Boon to it.' Some more company coming in, I used the word at the time, and I have among whom were the two masters used it again, to-day. If I have any and Adams, the talk became general; merit, it is consistency." and it naturally turned on Mr. Jack The daughter had sat quite silent and Maldon, and his voyage, and the counstill during this speech, with her eyes try he was going to, and his various fixed on the ground; her cousin stand- plans and prospects. He was to leave ing near her, and looking on the ground that night, after supper, in a post-chaise, too. She now said very softly, in a for Gravesend; where the ship, in which trembling voice, - he was to make the voyage, lay; and "Mamma, I hope you have fin- was to be gone - unless he came home ished?" on leave, or for his health-I don't "No, my dear Annie," returned the know how many years. I recollect it Soldier, "' I have not quite finished. was settled by general consent that InSince you ask me, my love, I reply that dia was quite a misrepresented counI have not. I complain that you really try, and had nothing objectionable in it, are a little unnatural towards your own but a tiger or two, and a little heat in family; and, as it is of no use complain- the warm part of the day. For my own ing to you, I mean to complain to your part, I looked on Mr. Jack Maldon as a husband. Now, my dear Doctor, do modern Sinbad, and pictured him the look at that silly wife of yours." bosom friend of all the Rajahs in the As the Doctor turned his kind face, East, sitting under canopies, smoking with its smile of simplicity and gentle- curly golden pipes-a mile long, if ness, towards her, she drooped her head they could be straightened out. ~more. I noticed that Mr. Wickfield Mrs. Strong was a very pretty singer, looked-at her steadily. as I knew, who often heard her singing "When I happened to say to that by herself. But, whether she was afraid naughty thing, the other day," pursued of singing before people, or was out of her mother, shaking her head and her voice that evening, it was certain that fan at her playfully, "that there was a she could n't sing at all. She tried a family circumstance she might mention duet, once, with her cousin Maldon, to you, - indeed, I think, was bound to but could not so much as begin; and mention, -she' said, that to mention it afterwards, when she tried to sing by was to ask a favor; and that, as you herself, although she began sweetly, were too generous, and as for her to ask her voice died away on a sudden, and was always to have, she would n't." left her quite distressed, with her head "Annie, my dear," said the Doctor, hanging down over the keys. The "that was wrong. It robbed me of a good Doctor said she was nervous, pleasure." and, to relieve her, proposed a round "Almost the very words I said to game at cards; of which he knew as her!" exclaimed her mother. "Now much as of the art of playing the tromreally, another time, when I know what bone. But I remarked that the Old she would tell you but for this reason, Soldier took him into custody directly and won't, I have a great mind, my dear for her partner; and instructed him, Doctor, to tell you myself." as the first preliminary of initiation, "I shall be glad if you will," returned to give her all the silver he had in his the Doctor. pocket. " Shall I " We had a merry game, not made the 138 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE less merry by the Doctor's mistakes, of man really well deserves constant supwhich he committed an innumerable port and patronage," -looking at the quantity, in spite of the watchfulness Doctor,'"who makes such sacrifices."' of the butterflies, and to their great ag- "Time will go fast with you, Mr. gravation. Mrs. Strong had declined to Jack Maldon," pursued the Doctor, play, on the ground of not feeling very "and fast with all of us. Some of us well; and her cousin Maldon had ex- can hardly expect, perhaps, in the natucused himselfbecause he had some pack- ral course of things, to greet you on ing to do. When he had done it, how- your return. The next best thing is to, ever, he returned, and they sat together, hope to do it, and that's my case. I: talking on the sofa. From time to time shall not weary you with good advice. she came and looked over the Doctor's You have long had a good model before hand, and told him what to play. She you, in your cousin Annie. Imitate her was very pale, as she bent over him, and virtues as nearly as you can." I thought her finger trembled as she Mrs. Markleham fanned herself, and pointed out the cards; but the Doc- shook her head. tor was quite happy in her attention, "Farewell, Mr. Jack," said the Docand took no notice of this, if it were tor, standing up; on which we all stood so. up. "A prosperous voyage out, a At supper, we were hardly so gay. thriving career abroad, and'a happy reEvery one appeared to feel that a parting turn home! " of that sort was an awkward thing, and We all drank the toast, and all shook that the nearer it approached, the more hands with Mr. Jack Maldon; after awkward it was. Mr. Jack Maldon tried which he hastily took leave of the ladies to be very talkative, but was -not at his who were there, and hurried to the door, ease, and made matters worse. And where he was received, as he got into they were not improved, as it appeared the chaise, with a tremendous broadside to me, by the Old Soldier, who continu- of cheers discharged by our boys, who ally recalled passages of Mr. Jack Mal- had assembled on the lawn for the don's youth. purpose. Running in among them to The Doctor, however, who felt, I am swell the ranks, I was very near the sure, that he was making everybody hap- chaise when it rolled away; and I had py, was well pleased, and had no suspi- a lively impression made upon me, in cion but that we were all at the utmost the midst of the noise and dust, of havheight of enjoyment. ing seen Mr. Jack Maldon rattle past "Annie, my dear," said he, looking with an agitated face, and something at his watch, and filling his glass, " it is cherry-colored in his hand. past your cousin Jack's time; and we After another broadside for the Docmust not detain him, since time and tor, and another for the Doctor's wife, tide-both concerned in this case- the boys dispersed, and I went back inwait for no man. Mr. Jack Maldon, to the house, where I found the guests you have a long voyage, and a strange all standing in a group about the Doccountry, before you; but many men have tor, discussing how Mr. Jack Maldon had both, and many men will have had gone away, and how he had borne. both, to the end of time. The winds it, and how he had felt it, and all the you are going to tempt have wafted rest of it. In the midst of these rethousands upon thousands to fortune, marks, Mrs. Markleham cried, "Where and brought thousands upon thousands's Annie! " happily back." No Annie was there; and when they " It's an affecting thing," said Mrs. called to her, no Annie replied. But Markleham - "however it's viewed, all pressing out of the room, in a crowd it's affecting-to see a fine young man to see what was the matter, we found one has known from an infant, going her lying on the hall floor. There was away to the other end of the world, great alarm at first, until it was found leaving all he knows behind, and not that she was in a swoon, and that the. knowing what's before him. A young swoon was yielding to the usual means OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 139 ifrecovery; when the Doctor, who had I went into the supper-room where it lifted her head upon his knee, put her had been left, which was deserted and uris aside with his hand, and said, dark. But a door of communication Looking around, - between that and the Doctor's study, " Poor Annie! She's so faithful where there was a light, being open, I and tender-hearted! It's the parting passed on there, to say what I wanted, From her old playfellow and friend,- and to get a candle. her favorite cousin, -that has done The Doctor was sitting in his easythis. Ah! It's a pity! I am very chair by the fireside, and his young sorry!" wife was on a stool at his feet. The When she opened her eyes, and saw Doctor; with a complacent smile, was where she was, and that we were all reading aloud some manuscript explastanding about her, she arose with assist- nation or statement of a theory out of ance, turning her head, as she did so, that interminable Dictionary, and she to lay it on the Doctor's shoulder, - or was looking up at him. But with such to hide it, I don't know which. We a face as I never saw. It was so beauwent into the drawing-room, to leave tiful in its form, it was so ashy pale, it her with the Doctor and her mother; was so fixed in its abstraction, it was so but she said, it seemed, that she was full of a wild, sleep-walking, dreamy better than she had been since morning, horror of I don't know what. The eyes and that she would rather be brought were wide open, and her brown hair fell among us; so they brought her in, in two rich clusters on her shoulders, looking very white and weak, I thought, and on her white dress, disordered by and sat her on a sofa. the want of the lost ribbon. Distinctly " Annie, my dear," said her mother, as I recollect her look, I cannot say of doing something to her dress. "See what it was expressive. I cannot even here! You have lost a bow. Will any- say of what it is expressive to me now, body be. so good as find a ribbon; a rising again before my older judgment. cherry-colored ribbon?" Penitence, humiliation, shame, pride, It was the one she had worn at her love, and trustfulness, - I see them all; bosom. We all looked for it, - I myself and in them all I see that horror of I Looked everywhere, I am certain, -but don't know what. nobody could find it. My entrance, and my saying what I " Do you recollect where you had it wanted, roused her. It disturbed the last, Annie?" said her mother. Doctor too; for when I went back to I wondered how I could have thought replace the candle I had taken from the she looked white, or anything but burn- table, he was patting her head, in his ing red, when she answered that she fatherly way, and saying he was a merhad had it safe, a little while ago, she ciless drone to let her tempt him into thought, but it was not worth looking reading on; and he would have her go for. to bed. Nevertheless, it was looked for again, But she asked him, in a rapid, urgent and still not found. She entreated that manner, to let her stay, - to let her feel there might be no more searching; but assured (I heard her murmur some broit was still sought for in a desultory ken words to this effect) that she was in way, until she was quite well, and the his confidence that night. And, as she company took their departure. turned again towards him, after glanWe walked very slowly home, Mr. cing at me as I left the room and went Wickfield, Agnes, and I, - Agnes and out at the door, I saw her cross her I admiring the moonlight, and Mr. hands upon his knee, and look up at Wickfield scarcely raising his eyes from him with the same face, something the ground. When we at last reached quieted, as he resumed his reading. our own door, Agnes discovered that It made a great impression on me, she had left her little reticule behind. and I remembered it a long time afterDelighted to be of any service to her, I wards, as I shall have occasion to narran back to fetch it. rate when the time comes. 140 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE CHAPTER XVII. She gavee one piee of intelligqe1 which affected me very much, namely3 SOMEBODY TURNS UP. that there had been a sale of the furniture at our old home, and that Mr. and Mss IT has not occurred to me to men- Murdstone were gone away, and the tion Peggotty since I ran away; but, house was shut up, to be let or sold, of course, I wrote her a letter almost as God knows I had had no part in it soon as I was housed at Dover, and while they remained there, but it paind4 another and a longer letter, containing me to think of the dear old place as all particulars fully related, when my altogether abandoned; of the weeds aunt took-me formally under her protec- growing tall in the garden, and the tion. On my being settled at Doctor fallen leaves lying thick and wet upon Strong's I wrote to her again, detailing the paths. I imagined how the winds my happy condition and prospects. I of winter would howl round it, how:the never could have derived anything like cold rain would beat upon the windowthe pleasure from spending the money glass, how the moon would make ghosts Mr. Dick had given me, that I felt in on the walls of the empty rooms, watch sending a gold half-guinea to Peggotty, ing their solitude all night. I thought per post, enclosed in this last letter, to afresh of the grave in the churchyard, discharge the sum I had borrowed of underneath the tree; and it seemed as her; in which epistle, not before, I if the house were dead too, now, and all mentioned about the young man with connected with my father and mother the donkey-cart. were faded away. To these communications Peggotty re- There was no other news in Pegplied as promptly, if not as concisely, gotty's letters. Mr. Barkis was an as a merchant's clerk. Her. utmost excellent husband, she said, though powers of expression (which were cer- still a little near; but we all had oum tainly not great in ink) were exhausted faults, and she had plenty (though I in the attempt to write what she felt on am sure I don't know what they were); the subject of my journey. Four sides and he sent his duty, and my little of incoherent and interjectional begin- bedroom was always ready for me. Mt. nings of sentences, that had no end, ex- Peggotty was well, and Ham was wejl, cept blots, were inadequate to afford her and Mrs. Gummidge was but poorly, any relief But the blots were more and little Em'ly wouldn't send her love, expressive to me than the best composi- but said that Peggotty might send it, ij tion; for they showed me that Peggotty she liked. had been crying all over the paper, and All this intelligence I dutifully imwhat could I have desired more? parted to my aunt, only reserving to I made out, without much difficulty, myself the mention of little Em'ly, to that she could not take quite kindly to whom I instinctively felt that she would my aunt yet. The notice was too short not very tenderly incline. While I was after so long a prepossession the other yet new at Dr. Strong's, she made way. We never knew a person, she several excursions over to Canterbury wrote; but to think that Miss Betsey to see me, and always at unseasonable should seem to be so different from what hours, -with the view, I suppose, of talshe had been thought to be, was a ing me by surprise. But, finding me well Moral!.-that was her word. She employed and bearing a good characwas evidently still afraid of Miss Bet- ter, and hearing on all hands that I rose sey; for she sent her grateful duty to her fast in the school, she soon discontinued but timidly; and she was evidently these visits. I saw her on a Saturday, afraid of me, too, and entertained the every third or-fourth week, when I went probability of my running away again over to Dover for a treat; and I saw soon; if I might judge from the repeat- Mr. Dick every alternate Wednesday, ed hints she threw out, that the coach- when he arrived by stage-coach at noon, fare to Yarmouth was always to be had to stay until next morning. Of her for the asking. On these occasions, Mr. Dick nfer OiF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 141 travelled without a leathern writing- "Was it in' that year that the man desk, containing a supply of stationery appeared, sir?" I asked. asdstthe Memorial; in relation to which "Why, really," said Mr. Dick, "I dotnument he had a notion that time don't see how it can have been in that was beginning to press now, and that year, Trotwood. Did you get that date it really must be got out of hand. out of history?" Mr. Dick was very partial to ginger- "Yes, sir." bread. To render his visits the more "I suppose history never lies, does agreeable, my aunt had instructed me it?" said Mr. Dick, with a gleam of t6 open a credit for him at a cake-shop, hope. which was hampered with the stipula- "0 dear, no, sir!" I replied, most tion that he should not be served with decisively. I was ingenuous and young, more than one shilling's worth in the and I thought so. course of any one day. This, and the "I can't make it out," said Mr. reference of all his little bills, at the Dick, shaking his head. "There's county inn where he slept, to my aunt, something wrong, somewhere. Howbefore they were paid, induced me to ever, it was very soon after the mistake suspect that he was only allowed to was made of putting some of the trourattle his money, and not to spend it. ble out of King Charles's head into my I found on further investigation that head, that the man first came. I was this was so, or at least there was an walking out with Miss Trotwood after Agreement between him and my aunt tea, just at dark, and there he was, close that he should account to her for all to our house." his disbursements. As he had no idea "Walking about?" I inquired. sf deceiving her, and always desired to " Walking about?" repeated Mr. please her, he was thus made chary of Dick. "Let me see. I must recollect launching into expense. On this point, a bit. N-no, no; he was not walkis well as on all other possible points, ing about." Mr. Dick was convinced that my aunt I asked, as the shortest way to get at Was the wisest and most wonderful of it, what he was doing. Irmen as he repeatedly told me with "Well, he wasn't there at all," said nfinite secrecy, and always in a whisper. Mr. Dick, "until he came up behind' " Trotwood," said Mr. Dick, with an her, and whispered. Then she turned dir of mystery, after imparting this con- round and fainted, and I stood still and idence to me, one Wednesday, "who's looked at him, and he walked away; he man that hides near our house and but that he should have been hiding iightens her?" ever since (in the ground or somewhere)'Frightens my aunt, sir?" is the most extraordinary thing!" Mr. Dick nodded. "I thought noth- " Has he been hiding ever since?" Sg would have frightened her," he I asked. aid, "for she's — " here he whispered "To be sure he has," retorted Mr.;oftly, "don't mention it-the wisest Dick, nodding his head gravely. tnd most wonderful of women." Hav- " Never came out, till last night We ng said which, he drew back, to were walking last night, and he came bserve the effect which this descrip- up behind her again, and I knew him ionof her made upon me. again. "'The first time he came," said Mr. "And did he frighten my aunt )ick, "was-let me see-sixteen again?" rndred and forty-nine was the date of "All of a shiver," said Mr. Dick, (ing Charles's execution. I think you counterfeiting that affection and making aid sixteen hundred and forty-nine?" his teeth chatter. "Held by the pal"Yes, sir." ings. Cried. But, Trotwood, come " I don't know how it can be," said here," getting me close to him, that he ir. Dick, sorely puzzled and shaking might whisper very softly; "why did tis head. " I don't think I am as old she give him money, boy, in the moon-:thiat." light?" 142 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "He was a beggar, perhaps." seen him mounted on a little knoil, Mr. Dick shook his head, as utterly cheering the whole field on to action, renouncing the suggestion, and having and waving his hat above his gray head, replied a great many times, and with oblivious of King Charles the Martyr's great confidence, " No beggar, no beg- head, and all belonging to it! How gar,. no beggar, sir!" went on to say, many summer hours have I known to that from his window he had afterwards, be but blissful minutes to him in the and late at night, seen my aunt give this cricket-field! How many winter days person money outside the garden rails have I seen him, standing blue-nosed, in the moonlight, who then slunk away in the snow and east wind, looking at -into the ground again, as he thought the boys going down the long slide, and probable -and was seen no more; clapping his worsted gjoves in rapwhile my aunt came hurriedly and se- ture! cretly back into the house, and had, He was a universal favorite; and his even that morning, been quite different ingenuity in little things was transcendfrom her usual self; which preyed on ent. He could cut oranges into such Mr. Dick's mind. devices as none of us had an idea of I had not the least belief, in the out- He could make a boat out of anything, set of this story, that the unknown was from a skewer upwards. He could turn anything but a delusion of Mr. Dick's, crampbones into chessmen; fashior and one of the line of that ill-fated Roman chariots from old court cards; Prince who occasioned him so much make spoked wheels out of cotton reels, difficulty; but after some reflection I and birdcages of old wire. But he was began to entertain the question whether greatest of all, perhaps, in the articles an attempt, or threat of an attempt, of string and straw; with which we might have been twice made to take were all persuaded he could do anything poor Mr. Dick himself from under my that could be done by hands. aunt's protection, and whether my aunt, Mr. Dick's renown was not long conthe strength of whose kind feeling fined to us. After a few Wednesdays, towards him I knew from herself, might Doctor Strong himself made some inhave been induced to pay a price for quiries of me about him, and I told him his peace and quiet. As I was already all my aunt had told me; which intermuch attached to Mr. Dick, and very ested the Doctor so much that he resolicitous for his welfare, my fears fa- quested, on the occasion of his next vored this supposition; and for a long visit, to be presented to him. This time his Wednesday hardly ever came ceremony I performed; and the Docround, without my entertaining a mis- tor begging Mr. Dick, whensoever he giving that he would not be on the should not find me at the coach-office, coach-box as usual. There he always to come on there, and rest himself until appeared, however, gray-headed, laugh- our morning's work was over, it soon ing, and happy; and he never had any- passed into a custom for Mr. Dick tc thing more to tell of the man who could come on as a matter of course, and, ii frighten my aunt. we were a little late, as often happened These Wednesdays were the happiest on a Wednesday, to walk about the days of Mr. Dick's life. They were far court-yard, waiting for me. Here he from being the least happy of mine. made the acquaintance of the Doctor's He soon became known to every boy in beautiful young wife (paler than formerthe school, and, though he never took ly, all this time; more rarely seen by an active part in any game but kite- me or any one I think; and not so gay, flying, was as deeply interested in all but not less beautiful), and so became our sports as any one among us. How more and more familiar by degrees, often have I seen him intent upon a until, at last, he would come into the match at marbles or peg-top, looking on school and wait. He always sat in' a with a face of unutterable interest, and particular corner, on a particular stool, hardly breathing at the critical times! which was called "Dick," after him; How often, at hare and hounds, have I here he would sit, with his gray head OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. I43 ent forward, attentively listening to sagacity, but considering that I inheritwhatever might be going on, with a ed a good deal from my aunt. irofound veneration for the learning he One Thursday morning, when I was Lad never been able to acquire. about to walk with Mr. Dick from the This veneration Mr. Dick extended hotel to the coach-office before going o the Doctor, whom he thought the back to school (for we had an hour's aost subtile and accomplished philoso- school before breakfast), I- met Uriah &her of any age. It was long before in the street, who reminded me of the dr. Dick ever spoke to him otherwise promise I had made to take tea with han bare-headed; and even when he himself and his mother; adding, with a ind the Doctor had struck up quite a writhe, "But I didn't expect you to riendship, and would walk together by keep it, Master Copperfield, we're so he hour, on that side of the court-yard very umble." vhich was known among us as The I really had not yet been able to )octor's Walk, Mr. Dick would pull make up my mind whether I liked )ffhis hat at intervals to show his re- Uriah or detested him; and I was very ipect for wisdom and knowledge. How doubtful about it still, as I stood lookt ever came about, that the Doctor be- ing him in the face in the street. But ran to read out scraps of the famous I felt it quite an affront to be supposed Dictionary, in these walks, I never proud, and said I only wanted to be mew. Perhaps he felt it all the same, asked. it first, as reading to himself. How- "0, if that's all, Master Coppertver, it passed into a custom too; and field," said Uriah, "and it really isn't dr. Dick, listening with a face shining our umbleness that prevents you, will vith pride and pleasure, in his heart you come this evening? But if it is )f hearts believed the Dictionary to our umbleness, I hope you won't mind De the most delightful book in the owning to it, Master Copperfield; for world. we are well aware of our condition." As I think of them going up and I said I would mention it to Mr. down before those school-room win- Wickfield, and if he approved, as I had iows, - the Doctor reading, with his no doubt he would, I would come with complacent smile, an occasional flour- pleasure. So, at six o'clock that eveniNh of the manuscript, or grave motion ing, which was one of the early office of his head; and Mr. Dick listening, evenings, I announced myself as ready, enchained by interest, with his poor wits to Uriah. calmly wandering God knows where, "Mother will be proud indeed," he upon the wings of hard words, - I think said, as we walked away together. "Or of it as one of the pleasantest things, in she would be proud, if it was n't sinful, a quiet way, that I have ever seen. I Master Copperfield." feel as if they might go walking to and "Yet you didn't mind supposing I fro forever, and the world might some- was proud this morning," I returned. how be the better for it, -as if a thou- " dear, no, Master Copperfield!" sand things it makes a noise about were returned Uriah. " 0, believe me, no! not one half so good for it, or me. Such a thought never came into my Agnes was one of Mr. Dick's friends, head! I shouldn't have deemed it at very soon; and, in often coming to the all proud if you had thought us too house, he made acquaintance with umble for you. Because we are so very Uriah. The friendship between him- umble." self and me increased continually, and "Have you been studying much law it was maintained on this odd footing: lately?" I asked, to change the subthat, while Mr. Dick came professedly ject. to look after me as my guardian, he al- "O Master Copperfield," he said, ways consulted me in any little matter with an air of self-denial, " my reading of doubt that arose, and invariably is hardly to be called study. I have guided himself by my advice; not only passed an hour or two in the evening, having a high respect for my native sometimes with Mr. Tidd." i44 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Rather hard, I suppose?" said I. most humility, and apologized to me " He is hard to me sometimes," re- for giving her son a kiss, observing that, turned Uriah. "But I don't know lowly as they were, they had their natwhat he might be to a gifted per- ural affections, which they hoped would son." give no offence to any one. It was a After beating a little tune on his chin perfectly decent room, half-parlor and as we walked on, with the two fore- half-kitchen, but not at all a snug room. fingers of his skeleton right hand, he The tea-things were set upon the table, added, - and the kettle was boiling on the hob. "There are expressions, you see, There was a chest of drawers with an Master Copperfield, - Latin words and escritoire top, for Uriah to read or terms, - in Mr. Tidd, that are trying to write at of an evening; there was a reader of my umble attainments." Uriah's blue bag lying down and vom" Would you like to be taught Latin?" iting papers; there was a company I said, briskly. "I will teach it you of Uriah's books commanded by Mr. with pleasure, as I learn it." Tidd; there was a corner-cupboard; " 0, thank you, Master Copperfield," and there were the usual articles of he answered, shaking his head. "I am furniture. I don't remember that any sure it's very kind of you to make the individual object had a bare, pinched, offer, but I am much too umble to ac- spare look; but I do remember that the cept it." whole place had.'What nonsense, Uriah!" It was perhaps a part of Mrs. Heep's "0, indeed, you must excuse me, humility, that she still wore weeds. Master Copperfield! I am greatly Notwithstanding the lapse of time that obliged, and I should like it of all had occurred since Mr. Heep's decease, things, I assure you; but I am far too she still wore weeds. I think there umble. There are people enough to was some compromise in the cap; but tread upon me in my lowly state, with- otherwise she was as weedy as in the out my doing outrage to their feelings early days of her mourning. by possessing learning. Learning ain't "This is a day to be remembered, for me. A person like myself had bet- my Uriah, I am sere," said Mrs. ter not aspire. If he is to get on in life, Heep, making the tea, "when Mass he must get on umbly, Master Copper- ter Copperfield pays us a visit." field." "I said you'd think so, mother," I never saw his mouth so wide, or said Uriah. the creases in his cheeks so deep, as " If I could have wished father to when he delivered himself of these sen- remain among us for any reason," said timents; shaking his head all the time, Mrs. Heep, " it would have been, that and writhing modestly. he might have known his company this "I think you are wrong, Uriah," I afternoon." said. "I dare say there are several I felt embarrassed by these complithings that I could teach you, if you ments; but I was sensible, too, of would like to learn them." being entertained as an honored guest, " 0, I don't doubt that, Master Cop- and I thought Mrs. Heep an agreeable perfield," he answered; "not in the woman. least. But not being umble yourself, " My Uriah," said Mrs. Heep, " has you don't judge well, perhaps, for them looked forward to this, sir, a long while. that are. I won't provoke my betters He had his fears that our umbleness with knowledge, thank you. I'm much stood in the way, and I joined in them too umble. Here is my umble dwell- myself. Umble we are, umble we have ing, Master Copperfield!" been, umble we shall ever be," said We entered a low, old-fashioned Mrs. Heep. room, walked straight into from the "I am sure you have no occasion to street, and found there Mrs. Heep, be so, ma'am," I said, "unless you who was the dead image of Uriah, only like." short. She received me with the ut- "Thank you, sir," retorted Mrs. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 145 Heep," We know our station and are dinner; now the wine that Mr. Wicktiankful in it." field took, the -reason why he took it, I:found that Mrs. Heep gradually got and the pity that it was he took so nearer to me, and that Uriah gradually much; now one thing, now another, got opposite to me, and that they re- then everything at once; and all the spectfully plied me with the choicest of time, without appearing to speak very the eatables on the table. There was often or to do anything but sometimes nothing particularly choice there, to be encourage them a little, for fear they sure; but I took the will for the deed, should be overcome by their humility and felt that they were very attentive. and the honor of my company, I found Presently they began to talk about myself perpetually letting out something iants, and then I. told them about or other that I had no business to let mine; and about fathers and mothers, out, and seeing the effect of it in the and then I told them about mine; and twinkling of Uriah's dinted nostrils. then Mrs. Heep began to talk about I had begun to be a little uncomfortafathers-in-law, and then I began to tell ble, and to wish myself well out of the her about mine, -but stopped, because visit, when a figure coming down the my aunt had advised me to observe a street passed the door, - it stood open silence on that subject. A tender young to air the room, which was warm, the cork, however, would have had no more weather being close for the time of chance against a pair of corkscrews, or year, -came back again, looked in, and atender young tooth against a pair of walked in, exclaiming loudly, " Copdentists, or a little shuttlecock against perfield! Is it possible two battledores, than I had against It was Mr. Micawber! It was Mr, Uriah and Mrs. Heep. They did just Micawber, with his eye-glass, and his what they liked with me, and wormed walking-stick, and his shirt-collar, and things out of me that I had no desire to his genteel air, and the condescending tell, with a certainty I blush to'think of; roll in his voice, all complete! the more especially as, in my juvenile "My dear Copperfield," said Mr. frankness, I took some credit to myself Micawber, putting out his hand, "this for being so confidential, and felt that I is indeed a meeting which is -calculated was quite the patron of my two respect- to impress the mind with a sense of the ful entertainers. instability and uncertainty of all human They were very fond of one another: - in short, it is a most extraordinary that was certain. I take it that had its meeting. Walking along the street, effect upon me, as a touch of nature; reflecting upon the probability of somebut the skill with which the one followed thing turning up (of which I am at presup whatever the other said was a touch ent rather sanguine), I find a young but of art which I was still less proof against. valued friend turn up, who is connected When there was nothing more tobe got with the most eventful period of my out of me about myself (for on the life; I may say, with the turning-point Murdstone and Grinby life, and on my of my existence. Copperfield, my dear journey, I was dumb), they began about fellow, how do you do? " Mr. Wickfield and Agnes. Uriah threw I cannot say - I really cannot saythe ball to Mrs. Heep; Mrs. Heep that I was glad to see Mr. Micawber caught it and threw it back to Uriah; there; but I was glad to see him too, Uriah kept it up a little while, then sent and shook hands with him heartily, it back to Mrs. Heep, and so they went inquiring how Mrs. Micawber was. on tossing it about until I had no idea "Thank you," said Mr. Micawber, who had gotit, and was quite bewildered. waving his hand as of old, and settling The ball itself was always changing too. his chin in his shirt-collar. "She is -Now it was Mr. Wickfield, now Agnes; tolerably convalescent. The twins no now the excellence of Mr. Wickfield, longer derive their sustenance from now my admiration of Agnes; now the Nature's founts, -in short," said Mr. extent of Mr. Wickfield's business and Micawber, in one of his bursts of confiresources; now our domestic life after dence, "they are weaned-and Mrs. 10 146 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Micawber is, at present, my travelling- burst of confidence, "it is an intellect companion. She will be rejoiced, Cop- capable of getting up the classics to any perfield, to renew her acquaintance extent." with one who has proved himself in all -Uriah, with his long hands slowly respects a worthy minister at the sacred twining over one another, made a altar of friendship." ghastly writhe from the waist upwards, I said I should be delighted to see her. to express his concurrence in this esti" You are very good," said Mr. Mi- mation of me. cawber. "Shall we go and see Mrs. MicawMr. Micawber then smiled, settled ber, sir?" I said, to get Mr. Micawber his chin again, and looked about him. away. " I have discovered my friend Copper- " If you will do her that favor, Copfield," said Mr. Micawber genteelly, perfield," replied Mr. Micawber, rising. and without addressing himself particu- "I have no scruple in saying, in the larly to any one, "not in solitude, but presence of our friends here, that I am partaking of a social meal in company a man who has, for some years, conwith a widow lady, and one who is ap- tended against the pressure of pecuniparently her offspring, -in short," said ary difficulties." I knew he was cerMr. Micawber, in another of his bursts tain to say something of this kind; he of confidence, "her son. I shall esteem always would be so boastful about his it an honor to be presented." difficulties. " Sometimes I have risen I could do no less, under these cir- superior to my difficulties. Sometimes cumstances, than make Mr. Micawber my difficulties have - in short, have known to Uriah Heep and his moth- floored me. There have been times er; which I accordingly did. As they when I have administered a succession abased themselves before him, Mr. Mi- of facers to them; there have been cawber took a seat, and waved his hand times when they have been too many in his most courtly manner. for me, and I have given in, and said to "Any friend of my friend Copper- Mrs. Micawber, in the words of Cato, field's," said Mr. Micawber, "has a'Plato, thou reasonest well.' It's all personal claim upon myself." up now. I can show fight no more. "We are too umble, sir," said Mrs. But at no time of my life," said Mr. Heep, "my son and me, to be the Micawber, "have I enjoyed a higher friends of Master Copperfield. He has degree of satisfaction than in pouring been so good as to take his tea with us, my griefs (if I may describe difficulties, and we are thankful to him for his com- chiefy arising out of warrants of attorpany; also to you, sir, for your notice." ney and promissory notes at two and " Ma'am," returned Mr. Micawber, four months, by that word) into the with a bow, "you are very obliging: bosom of my friend Copperfield." and what are you doing, Copperfield? Mr. Micawber closed this handsome, Still in the wine trade?' tribute by saying, "Mr. Heep! Good I was excessively anxious to get Mr. evening. Mrs. Heep! Your servant," Micawber away, and replied, with my and then walking out with me in his hat in my hand, and a very red face, I most fashionable manner, making a have no doubt, that I was a pupil at good deal of noise on the pavement Doctor Strong's. with his shoes, and humming a tune as "A pupil?" said Mr. Micawber, we went. raising his eyebrows. " I am extremely It was a little inn where Mr. Micawhappy tohear it. Although a mind like ber put up, and he occupied a little my friend Copperfield's" - to Uriah room in it, partitioned off from the and Mrs. Heep-" does not require commercial room, and strongly flathat cultivation which, without his vored with tobacco smoke. I think it knowledge of men and things, it would was over the kitchen, because a warm require, still it is a rich soil teeming greasy smell appeared to come up with latent vegetation, -in short," said through the chinks in the floor, and Mr. Micawber, smiling, in another there was a flabby perspiration on the OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 147 walls. I know it was near the bar, on Mrs. Micawber, lowering her voice,account of the smell of spirits and jin- "this is between ourselves, —our regling of glasses. Here, recumbent on a ception was cool." small sofa, underneath a picture of a " Dear me! " I said. race-horse, with her head close to the "Yes," said Mrs. Micawber. "It is fire, and her feet pushing the mustard truly painful to contemplate mankind off the dumb-waiter at the other end of in such an aspect, Master Copperfield, the room, was Mrs. Micawber, to whom but our reception was, decidedly, cool. Mr. Micawber entered first, saying, There is no doubt about it. In fact, "My dear, allow me to introduce to that branch of my family which is setyou a pupil of Doctor Strong's." tied in Plymouth became quite personal I noticed, by the by, that, although to Mr. Micawber, before we had been Mr. Micawber was just as much con- there a week." fused as ever about my age and stand- I said, afid thought, that they ought ing, he always remembered, as a gen- to be ashamed of themselves. teel thing, that I was a pupil of Doctor "Still, so it was," continued Mrs. Strong's. Micawber. "Under such circumstanMrs. Micawber was amazed, but very ces, what could a man of Mr. Micawgladto see me. I was very glad to see ber's spirit do? But one obvious course her too, and, after an affectionate greet- was left. To borrow of that branch of ing on both sides, sat down on the small my family the money to return to Lonsofa near her. don, and to return at any sacrifice." "My dear," said Mr. Micawber, "Then you all came back again, "if you will mention to Copperfield ma'am?" I said. what our present position is, which I "We all came back again," replied have no doubt he will like to know, I Mrs. Micawber. "Since then, I have will go and look at the paper the while, consulted other branches of my family and see whether anything turns up on the course which it is most expediamong the advertisements." ent for Mr. Micawber, to take,- for I "I thought you were at Plymouth, maintain that he must take some course, ma'am," I said to Mrs. Micawber, as Master Copperfield," said Mrs. Micawhe went out. ber, argumentatively. " It is clear that " My dear Master Copperfield," she a family of six, not including a domesreplied, "we went to Plymouth." tic cannot live upon air." "To be on the spot," I hinted. "Certainly, ma'am," said I. "Just so," said Mrs. Micawber. "The opinion of those other branch"To be on the spot. But the truth is, es of my family," pursued Mrs. Micawtalent is not wanted in the Custom ber, " is, that Mr. Micawber should imHouse. The local influence of my fam- mediately turn his attention to coals." ily was quite unavailing to obtain any "To what, ma'am?" employment in that department, for "To coals," said Mrs. Micawber. a man of Mr. Micawber's abilities. "To the coal trade. Mr. Micawber. They would rather not have a man of was induced to think, on inquiry, that Mr. Micawber's abilities. He would there might be an opening for a man of only show the deficiency of the others. his talent in the Medway Coal Trade. Apart from which," said Mrs. Micaw- Then, as Mr. Micawber very properly ber, "I will not disguise from you, my said, the first step to be taken clearly dear Master Copperfield, that when was, to come and see the Medway. that branch of my family which is set- Which we came and saw. I say'we,' tied in Plymouth became aware that Master Copperfield; for I never will," Mr. Micawber was accompanied by said Mrs. Micawber with emotion,- " I myself, and by little Wilkins and his never will desert Mr. Micawber." sister, and by the twins, they did not I murmured my admiration and receive him with that ardor which he approbation. might have expected, being so newly "We came," repeated Mrs. Micawreleased from captivity. In fact," said ber, "and saw the Medway. My opin 148 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ion of the coal trade on that river is, sentiment that the remittance would that it may require talent, but that it arrive by that post), and propose the day certainly requires capital. Talent Mr. after if it would suit me better. AcMicawber has, capital Mr. Micawber cordingly I was called out of school has not. We saw I think the greater part next forenoon, and found Mr. Micawof the Medway; and that is my individ- ber in the parlor; who had called to ual conclusion. Being so near here, say that the dinner would take place as Mr. Micawber was of opinion that it proposed. When I asked him if the would be rash not to come on, and see remittance had come, he pressed my the Cathedral. Firstly, on account of hand and departed. its being so well worth seeing, and our As I was looking out of window that never having seen it; and secondly, on same evening, it surprised me, and account of the great probability of some- made me rather uneasy, to see Mr. thing turning up in a cathedral town. Micawber and Uriah Heep walk past, We have been here," said Mrs. Micaw- arm in arm, - Uriah humbly sensible of ber, "three days. Nothing has, as yet, the honor that was done him, and Mr. turned up; and it may not surprise you, Micawber taking a bland delight in exmy dear Master Copperfield, so much tending his patronage to Uriah. But I as it would a stranger, to know that we was still more surprised, when I went are at present waiting for a remittance to the little hotel next day at the apfrom London, to discharge our pecu- pointed dinner-hour, which was four niary obligations at this hotel. Until o'clock, to find, from what Mr. Micawthe arrival of that remittance," said ber said, that he had gone home with Mrs. Micawber, with much feeling, "I Uriah, and had drunk brandy-and-water am cut off from my home (I allude to at Mrs. Heep's. lodgings in Pentonville), from my boy "And I'1 tell you what, my dear and girl, and from my twins." Copperfield," said Mr. Micawber; I felt the utmost sympathy for Mr. "your friend Heep is a young fellow and Mrs. Micawber in this anxious who might be attorney-general. If I had extremity, and said as much to Mr. known that young man, at the period Micawber, who now returned; adding when my difficulties came to a crisis, all that I only wished I had money enough, I can say is, that I believe my creditors to lend them the amount they needed. would have been a great deal better Mr. Micawber's answer expressed the managed than they were." disturbance of his mind. He said, I hardly understood how this could shaking hands with me, "Copperfield, have been, seeing that Mr. Micawber you are a true friend; but when the had paid them nothing at all as it was; worst comes to the worst, no man is but I did not like to ask. Neither did without a friend who is possessed of I like to say, that I hoped he had not shaving materials." At this dreadful been too communicative to Uriah; or hint Mrs. Micawber threw her arms to inquire if they had talked much about round Mr.. Micawber's neck and en- me. I was afraid of hurting Mr. Mitreated him to be calm. He wept; but cawber's feelings, or, at all events, Mrs. so far recovered, almost immediately, Micawber's, she being very sensitive; as to ring the bell for the waiter, and be- but I was uncomfortable about it, too, speak a hot kidney pudding and a plate and often thought about it afterwards. of shrimps for breakfast in the morning. We had a beautiful little dinner. When I took my leave of them, they Quite an elegant dish of fish; the kidboth pressed me so much to come and ney-end of a loin of veal, roasted; fried dine before they went away, that I sausage-meat; a partridge, and a pudcould not refuse. But as I knew I ding. There was wine, and there was could.not come next day, when I should strong ale; and after dinner Mrs. Mihave a good deal to prepare in the even- cawber made us a bowl of hot punch ing, Mr. Micawber arranged that he with her own hands. would call at Doctor Strong's in the Mr. Micawber was uncommonly concourse of the morning (having a pre- vivial. I never saw him such good OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 149 company. He made his face shine with humiliating to relate, I have discharged the punch, so that it looked as if it had the pecuniary liability contracted at this been varnished all over. He got cheer- establishment, by giving a note of hand, fully sentimental about the town, and made payable fourteen days after date, proposed success to it, observing that at my residence, Pentonville, London. Mrs. Micawber and himself had been When it becomes due, it will notbe made extremely snug and comfortable taken up. The result is destruction. there, and that he never should forget The bolt is impending, and the tree the agreeable hours they had passed in must fall. Canterbury. He proposed me after- " Let the wretched man who now adwards; and he and Mrs. Micawber dresses you, my dear Copperfield, be a and I took a review of our past acquaint- beacon to you through life. He writes ance, in the course of which we sold with that intention, and in that hope. the property all over again. Then I If he could think himself of so much proposed Mrs. Micawber; or, at least, use, one gleam of day might, by possaid, modestly, "If you'11 allow me, sibility, penetrate into the cheerless Mrs.,Micawber, I shall now have the dungeon of his remaining existence, pleasure of drinking your health, though his longevity is, at present (to ma'am." On which Mr. Micawber de- say the least of it) extremely problemlivered an eulogium on Mrs. Micawber's atlcal. character, and said she had ever been "This is the last communication, my his guide, philosopher, and friend, and dear Copperfield, you will ever receive that he would recommend me, when I "From came to a marrying time of life, to "The marry such another woman, if such "Beggared Outcast, another woman could be found. "WILKINS MICAWBER." As the punch disappeared, Mr. Micawber became still more friendly and I was so shocked by the contents of convivial. Mrs. Micawber's spirits be- this heart-rending letter, that I ran off coming elevated, too, we sang "Auld directly towards the little hotel, with the Lang Syne." When we came to intention of taking it on my way to Dr.' Here's a hand, my trusty frere," we Strong's, and trying to soothe Mr. Miall joined hands round the table; and cawber with a word of comfort. But, when we declared we would "take a half-way there, I met the London coach, right gude Willie Waught," and hadn't with Mr. and Mrs. Micawber up bethe least idea what it meant, we were hind, — Mr. Micawber, the very picture really affected. of tranquil enjoyment, smiling at Mrs. In a word, I never saw anybody so Micawber's conversation, eating walthoroughly jovial as Mr. Micawber was, nuts out of a paper bag, with a bottle down to the very last moment of the sticking out of his breast-pocket. As evening, when I took a hearty farewell they did not see me, I thought it best, of himself and his amiable wife. Con- all things considered, not to see them. sequently, I was not prepared, at seven So, with a great weight taken off my o'clock next morning, to receive the fol- mind, I turned into a by-street that was lowing communication, dated half past the nearest way to school, and felt, upon nine in the evening, - a quarter of an the whole, relieved that they were gone; hour after I had left him:- though I still liked them very much, nevertheless. " MY DEAR YOUNG FRIEND:"The die is cast: all is over. Hiding the ravages of care with a sickly CHAPTER XVIII. mask of mirth, I have not informed you, this evening, that there is no hope A RETROSPECT. of the remittance! Under these circumstances, alike humiliating to en- MY school-days! The silent gliding dure, humiliating to contemplate, and on of my existence,- the unseen, un I5o PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE felt progress of my life —from child- my partner. I touch Miss Shepherd's hood up to youth! Let me think, as I glove, and feel a thrill go up the right look back upon that flowing water, now arm of my jacket, and come out at my:: a dry channel overgrown with leaves, hair. I say nothing tender to Miss whether there are any marks along its Shepherd, but we understand each othcourse, by which I can remember how er. Miss Shepherd and myself live butI it ran. to be united. A moment, and I occupy my place Why do I secretly give Miss Shepin the Cathedral, where we all went herd twelve Brazil nuts for a present, I together, every Sunday morning, assem- wonder? They are not expressive of bling first at school for that purpose. affection; they are difficult to pack into The earthy smell, the sunless air, the a parcel of any regular shape; they are sensation of the world being shut out, hard to crack, even in room doors; and the resounding of the organ through the they are oily when cracked; yet I feel black and white arched galleries and that they are appropriate to Miss Shepaisles, are wings that take me back, and herd. Soft, seedy biscuits, also, I behold me hovering above those days, in stow upon Miss Shepherd; and oranges a half-sleeping and half-waking dream. innumerable. Once, I kiss Miss ShepI am not the last boy in the school. herd in the cloak-room. Ecstasy! What I have risen, in a few months, over sev- are my agony and indignation next day, eral heads. But the first boy seems to when I hear a flying rumor that the me a mighty creature, dwelling afar off, Misses Nettingall have stood Miss whose giddy height is unattainable. Shepherd in the stocks for turning in Agnes says, "No," but I say, "Yes," her toes! and tell her that she little thinks what Miss Shepherd being the one pervadstores of knowledge have been mastered ing theme and vision of my life, how do by the wonderful Being, at whose place I ever come to break with her? I can't she thinks I, even I, weak aspirant, conceive. And yet a coolness grows may arrive in time. He is not my pri- between Miss Shepherd and myself. vate friend and public patron, as Steer- Whispers reach me of Miss Shepherd forth was, but I hold him in a reveren- having said she wished I would n't stare tial respect. I chiefly wonder what he'11 so, and having avowed a preference for be, when he leaves Doctor Strong's, Master Jones, -for Jones! a boy of no and what mankind will do to maintain merit whatever! The gulf between me any place against him. and Miss Shepherd widens. At last, But who is this that breaks upon me? one day I meet the Misses Nettingall's This is Miss Shepherd, whom I love. establishment out walking. Miss ShepMiss Shepherd is a boarder at the herd makes a face as she goes by, and Misses Nettingali's establishment. I laughs to her companion. All is over. adore Miss Shepherd. She is a little The devotion of a life - it seems a life, girl, in a spencer, with a round face and it is all the same- is at an end; Miss curly flaxen hair. The Misses Nettin- Shepherd comes out of the morning ser, gall's young ladies come to the Cathe- vice, and the Royal Family know her nd dral too. I cannot look upon my book, more. for I must look upon Miss Shepherd. I am higher in the school, and no one When the choristers chant, I hear breaks my peace. I am not at all poMiss Shepherd. In the service I men- lite, now, to the Misses Nettingall's tally insert Miss Shepherd's name: young ladies, and shouldn't dote on I put her in among the Royal Family. any of them, if they were twice as many At home, in my own room, I am some- and twenty times as beautiful. I think times moved to cry out, " 0 Miss Shep- the dancing-school a tiresome affair, and herd!" in a transport of love. wonder why the girls can't dance by For some time, I am doubtful of Miss themselves, and leave us alone. I am Shepherd's feelings, but, at length, Fate growing great in Latin verses, and negbeing propitious, we meet at the dan- lect the laces of my boots. Doctor cing-school. I have Miss Shepherd for Strong refers to me-in public as a.prom OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. I51 ising young scholar. Mr. Dick is wild I have beefsteaks put to my eyes, and with joy, and my aunt remits me a guin- am rubbed with vinegar and brandy, ea by the next post. and find a great white puffy place burstThe shade of a young butcher rises, ing out on my upper lip, which swells like the apparition of an armed head in immoderately. For three or four days Macbeth. Who is this young butcher? I remain at home, a very ill-looking He is the terror of the youth of Canter- subject, with a green shade over my bury. There is a vague belief abroad, eyes; and I should be very dull, but that the beef suet with which he anoints that Agnes is a sister to me, and conhis hair gives him unnatural strength, and doles with me, and reads to me, and that he is a match for a man. He is a makes the time light and happy. Agbroad-faced, bull-necked young butcher, nes has my confidence completely, alwith rough red cheeks, an ill-conditioned ways. I tell her all about the butcher, mind, and an injurious tongue. His and the wrongs he has heaped upon main use of this tongue is, to disparage me; and she thinks I couldn't have Doctor Strong's young gentlemen. He done otherwise than fight the butcher, says publicly, that if they want anything while she shrinks and trembles at my he'11 give it'em. He names individuals having fought him. among them (myself included), whom Time has stolen on unobserved, for he could undertake to settle with one Adams is not the head boy in the days hand, and the other tied behind him. that are come now, nor has he been this He waylays the smaller boys to punch many and many a day. Adams has left their unprotected heads, and calls chal- the school so long that when he comes lenges after me in the open streets. For back, on a-visit to Doctor Strong, there these sufficient reasons I resolve to fight are not many there, besides myself, who the butcher. know him. Adams is going to be It is a summer evening, down in a called to the bar amost directly, and green hollow, at the corner of a wall. I is to be an advocate, and to wear a meet the butcher by appointment. I am wig. I am surprised to find him a attended by a select body of our boys: meeker man than I had thought, and the butcher, by two other butchers, a less imposing in appearance. He has young publican and a sweep. The pre- not staggered the world yet, either; liminaries are adjusted, and the butcher for it goes on (as well as I can make and myself stand face to face. In a out) pretty much the same as if he had moment the butcher lights ten thousand never joined it. candles out of my left eyebrow. In A blank, through which the warriors another moment, I don't know where of poetry and history march on in stately the wall is, or where I am, or where hosts that seem to have no end, - and anybody is. I hardly know which is what comes next! I am the head boy, myself and which the butcher, we are now; and look down on the line of boys always in such a tangle and tussle, below me, with a condescending interest knocking about upon the trodden grass. in such of them as bring to my mind the'Sometimes I see the butcher, bloody boy I was myself, when I first came but confident; sometimes I see nothing, there. That little fellow seems to be and sit gasping on my second's knee; no part of me; I remember him as sometimes I go in at the butcher madly, something left behind upon the road and cut my knuckles open against his of life,-as something I have passed face, without appearing to discompose rather than have actually been,-and him at all. At last I awake, very queer almost think of him as of some one about the head, as from a giddy sleep, else. and see the butcher walking off, con- And the little girl I saw on that first gratulated by the two other butchers day at Mr. Wickfield's, - where is she? and the sweep and publican, and putting Gone also. In her stead, the perfect on his coat as he goes; from which I likeness of the picture, a child likeness augur, justly, that the victory is his. no more, moves about the house; and I am taken home in a sad plight, and Agnes-my sweet sister, as I call her x52 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE in my thoughts, my counsellor and movable in his head) is fraught with friend, the better angel of the lives of interest to me. When I can't meet all who come within her calm, good, his daughter, I go where I am likely self-denying influence-is quite a wo- to meet him. To say, "How do you man. do, Mr. Larkins? Are the young laWhat other changes have come upon dies and all the family quite well?" me, besides the changes in my growth seems so pointed, that I blush. and looks, and in the knowledge I have I think continually about my age. Say garnered all this while? I wear a gold I am seventeen, and say that seventeen watch and chain, a ring upon my little is young for the eldest Miss Larkins, finger, and a long-tailed coat; and I use what of that? Besides, I shall be onea great deal of bear's grease, - which, and-twenty in no time almost. I regutaken in conjunction with the ring, larly take walks outside Mr. Larkins's looks bad. Am I in love again? I house in the evening, though it cuts am. I worship the eldest Miss Lar- me to the heart to see the officers go kins. in, or to hear them up in the drawingThe eldest Miss Larkins is not a little room, where the eldest Miss Larkins girl. She is a tall, dark, black-eyed, fine plays the harp. I even walk, on two figure of a woman. The eldest Miss or three occasions, in a sickly, spoony Larkins is not a chicken; for the young- manner, round and round the house afest Miss Larkins is not that, and the ter the family are gone to bed, wondereldest must be three or four years older. ing which is the eldest Miss Larkins's Perhaps the eldest Miss Larkins may chamber (and pitching, I dare say now, be about thirty. My passion for her is on Mr. Larkins's instead), wishing that beyond all bounds. a fire would burst out; that the assemThe eldest Miss Larkins knows offi- bled crowd would stand appalled; that cers. It is an awful thing to bear. I I, dashing through them with a ladder, see them speaking to her in the street. might rear it against her window, save I see them cross the way to meet her, her in my arms, go back for something when her bonnet (she has a bright taste she had left behind, and perish in the in bonnets) is seen coming down the flames. For I am generally disinterested pavement, accompanied by her sister's in my love, and think I could be conbonnet. She laughs and talks, and tent to make a figure before Miss Larseems to like it. I spend a good deal kins, and expire. - Generally, but not of my own spare time in walking up and always. Sometimes brighter visions down to meet her. If I can bow to rise before me. When I dress (the ocher once in the day (I know her to cupation of two hours) for a great ball bow to, knowing Mr. Larkins), I am given at the Larkins's (the anticipation happier. I deserve a bow now and of three weeks), I indulge my fancy with then. The raging agonies I suffer on pleasing images. I picture myself takthe night of the Race Ball, where I lng courage to make a declaration to know the eldest Miss Larkins will be Miss Larkins. I picture Miss Larkins dancing with the military, ought to sinking her head upon my shoulder, and have some compensation, if there be saying, "O Mr. Copperfield, can I beeven-handed justice in the world. lieve my ears! " I picture Mr. Larkins My passion takes away my appetite, waiting on me next morning, and sayand makes me wear my newest silk neck- ing, " My dear Copperfield, my daugherchiefcontinually. I have no relief but ter has told me all. Youth is no objecin putting on my best clothes, and hav- tion. Here are twenty thousand pounds. ing my boots cleaned over and over Be happy!" I picture my aunt relentagain. I seem, then, to be worthier of ing, and blessing us; and Mr. Dick and the eldest Miss Larkins. Everything Doctor Strong being present at the marthat belongs to her, or is connectd riage ceremony.. I am a sensible felwith her, is precious to me. Mr. Lar- low, I believe, - I believe, on looking kins (a gruff old gentleman with a back, I mean, - and modest I am sure; double chin, and one of his eyes im- but all this goes on notwithstanding. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 153 I repair to the enchanted house, "A flower of yours, that I may treaswhere there are lights, chattering, music, ure it as a miser does gold." flowers, officers (I am sorry to see), "You're a bold boy," says Miss Larand the eldest Miss Larkins, a blaze of kins. "There." beauty. She is dressed in blue, with She gives it me, not displeased; and blue flowers in her hair, -forget-me- I put it to my lips, and then into my nots, - as if she had, any need to wear breast. Miss Larkins, laughing, draws forget-me-hots! It is the first really her hand through my arm, and says, grown-up party that I have ever been "Now take me back to Captain Bailey." invited to, and I am a little uncomfort- I am lost in the recollection of this able; for I appear not to belong to delicious interview, and the waltz, when anybody, and nobody appears to have she comes to me again, with a plain anything to say to me, except Mr. Lar- elderly gentleman, who has been playkins, who asks me how my schoolfel- ing whist all night, upon her arm, and lows are, which he need n't do, as I says, - have not come there to be insulted. "0, here is my bold friend! Mr. But after I have stood in the door- Chestle wants to know you, Mr. Copway for some time, and feasted my eyes perfield." upon the goddess of my heart, she I feel at once that he is a friend of approaches me —she, the eldest Miss the family, and am much gratified. Larkins!- and asks me, pleasantly, if "I admire your taste, sir," says Mr. I dance. Chestle. "It does you credit. I supI stammer, with a bow, "With you, pose you don't take much interest in Miss Larkins." hops; but I am a pretty large grower "With no one else?" inquires Miss myself; and if you ever like to come Larkins. over to our neighborhood, - neighbor"I should have no pleasure in dan- hood of Ashford,-and take a run cing with any one else." about our place, we shall be glad for Miss Larkins laughs and blushes you to stop as long as you like." (or I think she blushes), and says, I thank Mr. Chestle warmly, and " Next time but one, I shall be very shake hands. I think I am in a happy glad." dream. I waltz with the eldest Miss The time arrives. "It is a waltz, I Larkins once again, -she says I waltz think," Miss Larkins doubtfully ob- so well! I go home in-a state of unserves, when I present myself. "Do speakable bliss, and waltz in imaginayou waltz? If not, Captain Bailey-" tion, all night long, with my arm round But I do waltz (pretty well, too, as it the blue waist of my dear divinity. For happens), and I take Miss Larkins out. some days afterwards, I am lost in I take her sternly from the side of rapturous reflections; but I neither see Captain Bailey. He is wretched, I her in the street, nor when I call. I have no doubt; but he is nothing to me. am imperfectly consoled for this disapI have been wretched, too. I waltz pointment by the sacred pledge, the with the eldest Miss Larkins! I don't perished flower. know where, among whom, or how "Trotwood," says Agnes, one day long. I only know that I swim about after dinner. "Who do you think is in space, with a blue angel, in a state going to be married to-morrow? Some of blissful delirium, until I find myself one you admire." alone with her in a little room, resting " Not you, I suppose, Agnes? " on a sofa. She admires a flower (pink " Not me! " raising her cheerful face camellia japonica, price half a crown) from the music she is copying. "Do in my button-hole. I give it her, and you hear him, papa? - The eldest Miss say,- Larkins." "I ask an inestimable price for it, "To-to Captain Bailey?" I have Miss Larkins." just enough power to ask. "Indeed! What is that?" returns "No; to no captain. To Mr. ChesMiss Larkins. tie, a hop-grower." 154 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I am terribly dejected for about a deliberations on the calling to which I week or two. I take off my ring, I should be devoted. For a year or more wear my worst clothes, I use no bear's I had endeavored to find a satisfactory grease, and I frequently lament over answer to her often-repeated question, the late Miss Larkins's faded flower. "What I would like to be?" But I Being, by that time, rather tired of this had no particular liking, that I could kind of life, and having received new discover, for anything. If I could have provocation from the butcher, I throw been inspired with a knowledge of the the flower away, go out with the butch- science of navigation, taken the comer, and gloriously defeat him. mand of a fast-sailing expedition, and This, and the resumption of my ring, gone round the world on a triumphantr as well as of the bear's grease in mod- voyage of discovery, I think I mighteration, are the last marks I can dis- have considered myself completely suitt cern, now, in my progress to seventeen. ed. But in the absence of anysuch miraculous provision, my desire was to apply myself to some pursuit that would not lie too heavily upon her purse; and CHAPTER XIX. to do my duty in it, whatever it might be. I LOOK ABOUT ME, AND MAKE A DIS- Mr. Dick had regularly assisted at COVERY. our councils, with a meditative and sage demeanor. He never made a sugI AM doubtful whether I was at heart gestion but once; and on that occasion glad or sorry, when my school-days (I don't know what put it in his head), drew to an end, and the time came for he suddenly proposed that I should be my leaving Doctor Strong's. I had "a Brazier."'My aunt received this been very happy there, I had a great proposal so very ungraciously that he attachment for the Doctor, and I was never ventured on a second; but ever eminent and distinguished in that little afterwards confined himself to looking world. For these reasons I was sorry watchfully at her for her suggestions, to go; but for other reasons, unsub- and rattling his money. stantial enough, I was glad. Misty "Trot, I tell you what, my dear," ideas of being a young man at my own said my aunt, one morning in the disposal, of the importance attaching to Christmas season when I left school; a young man at his own disposal, of the "as this knotty point is still unsettled, wonderful things to, be seen and done and as we must not make a mistake in by that magnificent animal, and the our decision if we can help it, I think wonderful effects he could not fail to we had better take a little breathingmake upon society, lured me away. So time. In the mean while, you must try powerful were these visionary consider- to look at it from a new point of view, ations in my boyish mind, that I seem, and not as a school-boy." according to my present way of think- " I will, aunt." ing, to have left school without natural "It has occurred to me," pursued regret. The separation has not made my aunt, "that a little change, and a the impression on me that other sepa- glimpse of life out of doors, may be userations have. I try in vain to recall ful, in helping you to know your own how I felt about it, and what its circum- mind, and form a cooler judgment. stances were; but it is not momentous Suppose you were to take a little jourin my recollection. I suppose the open- ney now. Suppose you were to go down ing prospect confused me. I know that into the old part of the country again, my juvenile experiences went for little for instance, and see that —that outor nothing then; and that life was more of-the-way woman with the savagest like a great fairy story, which I was of names," said my aunt, rubbing just about to begin to read, than any- her nose, for she could never thorthing else. oughly forgive Peggotty for being so My aunt and I had held many grave called. OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 155 " Of all things in the world, aunt, I "That you may begin, in a small way, should like it best." to have a reliance upon yourself, and to " Well," said my aunt, " that's lucky, act for yourself," said my aunt, " I shall for I should like it too. But it's natural send you upon your trip alone. I did and rational that you should like it. think, once, of Mr. Dick's going with And I am very well persuaded that you; but, on second thoughts, I shall whatever you do, Trot, will always be keep him to take care of me." natural and rational." Mr. Dick for a moment looked a lit"I hope so, aunt." tle disappointed; until the honor and "Your sister, Betsey Trotwood," said dignity of having to take care of the my aunt, " would have been as natural most wonderful woman in the world and rational a girl as ever breathed. restored the sunshine to his face. You'll be worthy of her, won't you?" "Besides," said my aunt, "there's "I hope I shall be worthy of you, the Memorial-" aunt. That will be enough for me." "0, certainly," said Mr. Dick in a " It's a mercy that poor dear baby of hurry. " I intend, Trotwood, to get that a mother of yours didn't live," said my done immediately, -it really must be aunt, looking at me approvingly, "or done immediately! And then it will go she'd have been so vain of her boy, by in, you know, -and then-" said Mr. this time, that her soft little head would Dick, after checking himself, and paushave been completely turned, if there ing a long time, "there'll be a pretty was anything of it left to turn." (My kettle of fish! " aunt always excused any weakness of In pursuance of my aunt's kind her own in my behalf, by transferring scheme, I was shortly afterwards fitted it in this way to my poor mother.) out with a handsome purse of money " Bless me, Trotwood, how you do re- and a portmanteau, and tenderly dismind me of her " missed upon my expedition. At part"Pleasantly, I hope, aunt? " said I. ing, my aunt gave me some good advice, " He's as like her, Dick," said my and a good many kisses; and said, that, aunt, emphatically, - "he's as like her, as her object was that I should look as she was that afternoon, before she about me, and should think a little, she began to fret, -bless my heart, he's as would. recommend me to stay a few like her as he can look at me out of his days in London, if I liked it, either on two eyes " my way down into Suffolk, or in coming "Is he indeed?" said Mr. Dick. back. In a word, I was at liberty to "And he's like David, too," said do what I would, for three weeks or a my aunt, decisively. month; and no other conditions were " He is very like David!" said Mr. imposed upon my freedom than the beDick. fore-mentioned thinking and looking " But what I want you to be, Trot," about me, and a pledge to write three resumed my aunt, — "I don't mean times a week and faithfully report physically, but morally; you are very myself. well physically, -is, a firm fellow, a fine I went to Canterbury first, that I firm fellow, with a will of your own might take leave of Agnes and Mr. With resolution," said my aunt, shaking Wickfield (my old room in whose house her cap at me, and clenching her hand. I had not yet relinquished), and also of "With determination. With character, the good Doctor. Agnes was very glad Trot, -with strength of character that to see me, and told me that the house is not to be influenced, except on good had not been like itself since I had left reason, by anybody, or by anything. it. That's what I want you to be. That's "I am sure I am not like myself what your father and mother might both when I am away," said I. "I seem to have been, Heaven knows, and been want my right hand, when I miss you. the better for it." Though that's not saying much; for I intimated that I hoped I should be there's no head in my right hand, and what she described, no heart. Every one who knows you 156 PERSONAL HIeSTORY AND EXPERIENCE consults with you and is guided by have another opportunity of asking for you, Agnes." a long time, perhaps, -something I "Every one who knows me spoils would ask, I think, of no one else. me, r believe," she answered, smiling. Have you observed any gradual altera" No. It's because you are like no tion in papa?" one else. You are so good and so I had observed it, and had often wonsweet-tempered. You have such-a gen- dered whether she had too. I must tle nature, and you are always right." have shown as much, now, in my face; "You talk," said Agnes, breaking for her eyes were in a moment cast into a pleasant laugh, as she sat at down, and I saw tears in them. work, "as if I were the late Miss Lar- "Tell me what it is," she said, in a kins." low voice. "Come! It's not fair to abuse my "'I think —shall I be quite plain, confidence," I answered, reddening at Agnes, liking him so much? " the recollection of my blue enslaver. " Yes," she said. "But I shall confide in you, just the " I think he does himself no good by same, Agnes. I can never grow out of the habit that has increased upon him that. Whenever I fall into trouble or since I first came here. He is often fall in love, I shall always tell you, if very nervous -or I fancy so." you'11 let me, - even when I come to " It is not fancy," said Agnes, shakfall in love in earnest." ing her head. "Why, you have always been in "His hand trembles, his speech is earnest i " said Agnes, laughing again. not plain, and his eyes look wild. I " 0, that was as a child, or a have remarked that at those times, and school-boy," said I, laughing in my when he is least like himself, he is most turn, not without being a little shame- certain to be wanted on some busifaced. "Times are altering now, and ness." I suppose I shall be in a terrible state "By Uriah," said Agnes. of earnestness one day or other. My "Yes. And the sense of being unfit wonder is, that you are not in earnest for it, or of not having understood it, yourself, by this time, Agnes." or having shown his condition in spite Agnes laughed again, and shook her of himself, seems to make him so unhead. easy that next day he is worse, and " 0, I know you are not I" said I, next day worse, and so he becomes "because if you had been, you would jaded and haggard. Do not be alarmed have told me. Or at least," for I saw by what I say, Agnes, but in this state a faint blush in her face, "you would I saw him, only the other evening, lay have let me find it out for myself. But down his head upon his desk, and shed there is no one that I know of who de- tears like a child." serves to love you, Agnes. Some one Her hand passed softly before my lips of a nobler character, and more worthy while I was yet speaking, and in a moaltogether than any one I have ever ment she had met her father at the door seen here, must rise up, before I give of the room, and was hanging on his msy consent. In the time to come, I shoulder. The expression of her face, shall have a wary eye on all admirers; as they both looked towards me, I felt and shall exact a great deal from the to be very touching. There was such successful one, I assure you." deep fondness for him, and gratitude to We had gone on so far, in a mixture him for all his love and care, in her of confidential jest and earnest, that beautiful loolk; and there was such a had long grown naturally out of our fervent appeal to me to deal tenderly familiar relations, begun as mere chil- by him even in my inmost thoughts, dren. But Agnes, now suddenly lifting and to let no harsh construction find up her eyes to mine, and speaking in a any place against him; she was, at different manner, said, - once, so proud of him and devoted to "Trotwood, there is something that him, yet so compassionate and sorry, I want to ask you, and that I may not and so reliant upon me to be so, too; OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 157 that nothing she could have said would on a sand-heap, underneath a burninghave expressed more to me, or moved glass! He looked strong, but he me more. wasn't. My dear Doctor, it was his We were to drink tea at the Doc- spirit, not his constitution, that he ventor's. We went there at the usual tured on so boldly. Annie, my dear, hour, and round the study fireside I am sure you must perfectly recollect found the Doctor, and his young wife, that your cousin never was strong, - and her mother. The Doctor, who not what can be called robust, you made as much of my going away as if I know," said Mrs. Markleham, with were going to China, received me as an emphasis and looking round upon us honored guest, and called for a log of generally, "from the time when my wood to be thrown on the fire, that he daughter and himself were children tomight see the face of his old pupil red- gether, and walking about arm-in-arm, dening in the blaze. the livelong day." "I shall not see many more new faces Annie, thus addressed, made no rein Trotwood's stead, Wickfield," said ply. the Doctor, warming his hands; "I am "Do I gather from what you say, getting lazy, and want ease. I shall ma'am, that Mr. Maldon is ill? " asked relinquish all my young people in an- Mr. Wickfield. other six months, and lead a quieter "Ill!" replied the Old Soldier. ~ "My life." dear sir, he's all sorts of things." "You have said so, any time these "Except well?" said Mr. Wickten years, Doctor," Mr. Wickfield an- field. swered. "Except well, indeed!" said the "But now I mean to do it," returned Old Soldier. "He has had dreadful the Doctor. "My first master will strokes of the sun, no doubt, and jungle succeed me, -I am in earnest at fevers and agues, and every kind of last,- so you'll soon have to arrange thingyou can mention. Astohisliver," our contracts, and to bind us firmly to said the Old Soldier, resignedly, "that of them, like a couple of knaves." course he gave up altogether, when he " And to take care," said Mr. Wick- first went out! " field, "that you're not imposed on, "Does he say all this?" asked Mr. eeh?-as you certainly would be, in any Wickfield. contract you should make for yourself. "Say? My dear sir," returned Well! I am ready. There are worse Mrs. Markleham, shaking her head tasks than that in my calling." and her fan, "you little know my poor "I shall have nothing to think of, Jack Maldon when you ask that questhen," said the Doctor, with a smile, tion. Say? Not he. You might drag "but my Dictionary, and this other him at the heels of four wild horses contract-bargain, - Annie." first." As Mr. Wickfield glanced towards "Mamma!" said Mrs. Strong. her, sitting at the tea-table by Agnes, "Annie, my dear," returned her she seemed to me to avoid his look with mother, "once for all, I must really such unwonted hesitation and timidity beg that you will not interfere with me, that his attention became fixed upon unless it is to confirm what I say. You her, as if something were suggested to know as well as I do, that your cousin his thoughts. Maldon would be dragged at the heels "There-is a post come in from India, of any number of wild horses,-why I observe," he said after a short si- should I confine myself to four? I lence. won't confine myself to four-eight, "By the by! and letters from Mr. sixteen, two-and-thirty-rather than say Jack Maldon I" said the Doctor. anything calculated to overturn the " Indeed? " Doctor's plans." "Poor dear Jack!" said Mrs. Mar- "Wickfield's plans," said the Dockleham, shaking her head. "That try- tor, stroking his face,. and looking ing.climate -like living, they tell-me, penitently at his adviser. " That is to 158 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE say, our joint plans for him. I said ence to himself, and to whom he had myself, abroad or at home." written it. "And I said," added Mr. Wickfield "Why, here," said Mrs. Markleham, gravely, "abroad. I was the means of taking a letter from the chimney-piece sending him abroad. It's my respon- above the Doctor's head, "the dear sibility." fellow says to the Doctor himself" Oh! Responsibility! " said the Old where is it?, -' I am sorry to inform Soldier. " Everything was done for the you that my health is suffering severely, best, my dear Mr. Wickfield; every- and that I fear I may be reduced to the thing was done for the kindest and best, necessity of returning home for a time, as we know. But if the dear fellow can't the only hope of restoration.' That's live there, he can't live there. And if pretty plain, poor fellow! His only he can't live there, he'11 die there, soon- hope of restoration! But Annie's leter than he'11 overturn the Doctor's ter is plainer still. Annie, show me that plans. I know him," said the Old Sol- letter again." dier, fanning herself, in a sort of calm, " Not now, mamma," she pleaded in prophetic agony, "and I know he'11 a low tone. die there, sooner than he'll overturn " My dear, you absolutely are, on the Doctor's plans." some subjects, one of the most ridicu" Well, well, ma'am," said the Doc- lous persons in the world," returned her tor, cheerfully, " I am hot bigoted to my mother, "and perhaps the most unnatplans, and I can overturn them myself ural to the claims of your own family. I can substitute some other plans. If We never should have heard of the letMr. Jack Malden comes home on ac- ter at all, I believe, unless I had asked count of ill health, he must not be al- for it myself. Do you call that confilowed to go back; and we must endeav- dence, my love, towards Doctor Strong? or to make some more suitable and for- I am surprised. You ought to know tunate provision for him in this coun- better." try." The letter was reluctantly produced; Mrs. Markleham was so overcome by and, as I handed it to the old lady, I this generous speech, -which, I need saw how the unwilling hand from which not say, she had not at all expected or I took it trembled. bed up to -that she could only tell the " Now let us see," said Mrs. MarkleDoctor it was like himself, and go sev- ham, putting her glass to her eye, eral times through that operation of "where the passage is.'The rememkissing the sticks of her fan, and then brance of old times, my dearest Annie,' tapping his hand with it. After which, -and so forth, - it's not there.'The she gently chid her daughter Annie for amiable old Proctor,' - who's he? not being more demonstrative when Dear me, Annie, how illegibly your such kindnesses were showered, for her cousin Maldon writes, and how stupid sake, on her old playfellow, and enter- I am!'Doctor,' of course. Ah! amitained us with some particulars concern- able indeed! " Here she left off, to ing other deserving members of her kiss her fan again, and shake it at the family, whom it was desirable to set on Doctor, who was looking at us in a state their deserving legs. of placid satisfaction. " Now I have All this time her daughter Annie found it.'You may not be surprised never once spoke, or lifted up her eyes. to hear, Annie,' - no, to be sure, knowAll this time Mr. Wickfield had his ing that he never was really strong; glance upon her as she sat by his own what did I say just now?-'that I have daughter's side. It appeared to me undergone so much in this distant place that he never thought of being observed as to have decided to leave it at all hazby any one, but was so intent upon ards, - on sick leave, if I can; on total her, and upon his own thoughts in con- resignation, if that is not to be obtained. nection with her, as to be quite ab- What I have endured, and do endure, sorbed. He now asked what Mr. Jack here, is insupportable.' And but for the Maldon had actually written in refer- promptitude of that best of creatures," - #11~~~~ -~~~~~~~~k 7 -~_ _ _ _ __-~ — -~, ~ i -\- _ _~ ~ ~ ~ ~~~~~~~ _ _ /7 / ~-i~a~~a~~~au~~~ s~a 0 ___~ ~~~~~ ( ~ ~ R L~~'I ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~'-SP~~I~b H ___ 0 ____ z~~~~~~~~ 0 ___ z~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~L --— ~~~~~ —-~~~~ — ~~ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _'Ir OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 159 said Mrs. Markleham, telegraphing the I cannot say what an impression this Doctor as before, and refolding the let- made upon me, or how impossible I ter, " it would be insupportable to me found it, when I thought of her afterto think of." wards, to separate her from this look, Mr. Wickfield said not one word, and remember her face in its innocent though the old lady looked to him as if loveliness again. It haunted me when for his commentary on this intelligence; I got home. I seemed to have left the but sat severely silent, with his eyes Doctor's roof with a dark cloud lowerfixed on the ground. Long after the ing on it. The reverence that I had for subject was dismissed, and other topics his gray head was mingled with comoccupied us, he remained so, - seldom miseration for his faith in those who raising his eyes, unless to rest them, for were treacherous to him, and with rea moment, with a thoughtful frown, sentment against those who injured upon the Doctor, or his wife, or both. him. The impending shadow of a The Doctor was very fond of music, great affliction, and a great disgrace Agnes sang with great sweetness and that had no distinct form in it yet, fell expression, and so did Mrs. Strong. like a stain upon the quiet place where They sang together, and played duets I had worked and played as a boy, and together, and we had quite a little con- did it a cruel wrong. I had no pleasure cert. But I remarked two things: first, in thinking, any more, of the grave old that though Annie soon recovered her broad-leaved aloe-trees which remained composure, and was quite herself, there shut up in themselves a hundred years was a blank between her and Mr. together, and of the trim smooth grassWickfield which separated them wholly plot, and the stone urns, and the Docfrom each other; secondly, that Mr. tor's walk, and the congenial sound of Wickfield seemed to dislike the inti- the Cathedral bell hovering above macy between her and Agnes, and to them all. It was as if the tranquil watch it with uneasiness. And now, I sanctuary of my boyhood had been must confess, the recollection of what I sacked before my face, and its peace had seen on that night when Mr. Mal- and honor given to the winds. don went away first began to return But morning brought with it my partupon me with a meaning it had never ing from the old house which Agnes had, and to trouble me. The innocent had filled with her influence; and that beauty of her face was not as innocent occupied my mind sufficiently. I should to me as it had been; I mistrusted the be there again soon, no doubt; I might natural grace and charm of her manner; sleep again -perhaps often - in my and when I looked at Agnes by her old room; but the days of my inhabitside, and thought how good and true ing there were gone, and the old time Agnes was, suspicions arose within me was past. I was heavier at heart when that it was an ill-assorted friendship. I packed up such of my books and She was so happy in it herself, how- clothes as still remained there, to be ever, and the other was so happy too, sent to Dover, than I cared to show to that they made the evening fly away as Uriah Heep; who was so officious to if it were but an hour. It closed in an help me, that I uncharitably thought incident which I well remember. They him mighty glad that I was going. were taking leave of each other, and I got away from Agnes and her faAgnes was going to embrace her and ther, somehow, with an indifferent kiss her, when Mr. Wickfield stepped show of being very manly, and took my between them, as if by accident, and seat upon the box of the London coach. drew Agnes quickly away. Then I I was so softened and forgiving, going saw, as though all the intervening time through the town, that I had half a had been cancelled, and I were still mind to nod to my old enemy the butchstanding in the doorway on the night of er, and throw him five shillings to drink. the departure, the expression of that But he looked such a very obdurate night in the face of Mrs. Strong, as it butcher as he stood scraping the great confronted his. block in the shop, and moreover, his i60 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE appearance was so little improved by seemed to button all the way up outside the loss of a front tooth which I had his legs from his boots to his hips. His knocked out, that I thought it best to chin was cocked over the coachman's make no advances. shoulder, so near to me, that his breath The main object on my mind, I re- quite tickled the back of my head; and member, when we got fairly on the as I looked round at him, he leered at road, was to appear as old as possible the leaders with the eye with which he to the coachman, and to speak extreme- did n't squint, in a very knowing manly gruff. The latter point I achieved ner. at great personal inconvenience; but " Ain't you? " asked William. I stuck to it, because I felt it was a "Ain't I what?" said the gentleman grown-up sort of thing. behind.' You are going through, sir?" said "Bred them Suffolk Punches by the coachman. wholesale?" "Yes, William," I said, condescend- " I should think so," said the gentleingly (I knew him); "I am going to man. "There ain't no sort of orse that London. I shall go down into Suffolk I ain't bred, and no sort ofdorg. Orses afterwards." and dorgs is some men's fancy. They "Shooting, sir?" said the coach-'re wittles and drink to me, -lodging, man. wife, and children, -reading, writing, He knew as well as I did that it was and'rithmetic, -snuff, tobacker, and just as likely, at that time of year, I sleep." was going down there whaling; but I "That ain't a sort of man to see sitfelt complimented, too. ting behind a coach-box, is it, though? " " I don't know," I said, pretending said William in my ear, as he handled to be undecided, " whether I shall take the reins. a shot or not." I construed this remark into an indi" Birds is got wery shy, I'm told," cation of a wish that he should have my said William. place; so I blushingly offered to resign " So I understand," said I. it. "Is Suffolk your county, sir? " asked "Well, if you don't mind, sir," said William. William, "I think it would be more "Yes," I said, with some impor- correct." tance, " Suffolk's my county." I have always considered this as the "' I'm told the dumplings is uncom- first fall I had in life. When I booked mon fine down there," said William. my place at the coach-office, I had had I was not aware of it myself, but I "Box Seat " written against the entry, felt it necessary to uphold the institu- and had given the book-keeper half a tions of my county, and to evince a crown. I was got up in a special greatfamiliarity with them; so I shook my coat and shawl, expressly to do honor head, as much as to say, "I believe to that distinguished eminence; had you 1" glorified myself upon it a good deal; "And the Punches," said William. and had felt that I was a credit to the "There's cattle! A Suffolk Punch, coach. And here, in the very first when he's a good un, is worth his stage, I was supplanted by a shabby weight in gold. Did you ever breed man with a squint, who had no other any Suffolk Punches yourself, sir?" merit than smelling like a livery-stable, "N-no," I said, "not exactly." and being able to walk across me, more "Here's a gen'l'm'n behind me, I'11 like a fly than a human being, while pound it," said William, "as has bred the horses were at a canter!'em by wholesale." A distrust of myself, which has often The gentleman spoken of was a gen- beset me in life on small occasions, when tleman with a very unpromising squint, it would have been better away, was asand a prominent chin, who had a tall suredly not stopped in its growth by white hat on, with a narrow flat brim, this little incident outside the Canterand whose close-fitting drab trousers bury coach. It was in vain to take OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 161 refuge in gruffness of speech. I spoke I assented to this proposal, in default from the pit of my stomach for the rest of being able to suggest anything else. of the journey, but I felt completely ex- "Do you care for taters?" said the tinguished, and dreadfully young. waiter, with an insinuating smile, and It was curious and interesting, never- his head on one side. "Young gentletheless, to be sitting up there, behind four men generally has been overdosed with horses, -well educated, well dressed, taters." and with plenty of money in my pocket, I commanded him, in my deepest -and to look out for the places where I voice, to order a veal cutlet and potahad slept on my weary journey. I had toes, and all things fitting; and to inabundant occupation for my thoughts, quire at the bar if there were any letters in every conspicuous landmark on the for Trotwood Copperfield, Esquire,road. When I looked down at the which I knew there were not, and trampers whom we passed, and saw that could n't be, but thought it manly to well-remembered style of face turned appear to expect. up, I felt as if the tinker's blackened He soon came back to say that there hand were in the bosom of my shirt were none (at which I was much suragaip. When we clattered through the prised), and began to lay the cloth for narrow street of Chatham, and I caught my dinner in a box by the fire. While a glimpse, in passing, of the lane where he was so engaged, he asked me what the old monster lived who had bought I would take with it, and, on my replymy jacket, I stretched my neck eagerly ing, "Half a pint of sherry," thought it to look for the place where I had sat, in a favorable opportunity, I am afraid, to the sun and in the shade, waiting for my extract that measure of wine from the money. When we came, at last, within stale leavings at the bottoms of several a stage of London, and passed the veri- small decanters. I am of this opinion, table Salem House where Mr. Creakle because, while I was reading the newshad laid about him with a heavy hand, paper, I observed him behind a low I would have given all I had, for lawful wooden partition, which was his private permission to get down and thrash him, apartment, very busy pouring out of a and let all the boys out like so many number of those vessels into one, like caged sparrows. a chemist and druggist making up a * We went to the Golden Cross at prescription. Whenthe wine came, Charing Cross, then a mouldy sort of too, I thought it flat; and it certainly establishment in a close neighborhood. had more English crumbs in it than A waiter showed me into the coffee- were to be expected in a foreign wine room; and a chambermaid introduced in anything like a pure state'; but I was me to my small bedchamber, which bashful enough to drink it, and say smelt like a hackney-coach, and was nothing. shut up like a family vault. I was still Being then in a pleasant frame of painfully conscious of my youth, for no- mind (from which I infer that poisonbody stood in any awe of me at all: the ing is not always disagreeable in some chambermaid being utterly indifferent stages of the process), I resolved to go to my opinions on any subject, and the to the play.' It was Covent Garden waiter being familiar with me, and of- Theatre that I chose: and there, from fering advice to my inexperience. the back of a centre box, I saw Julius "Well now," said the waiter, in a Caesar and the new Pantomime. To tone of confidence, " what would you have all those noble Romans alive belike for dinner? Young gentlemen likes fore me, and walking in and out for poultry in general; have a fowl?" my entertainment, instead of being the I told him, as majestically as I could, stern task-masters they had been at that I was n't in'the humor for a fowl. school, was a most novel and delight"Ain't you?" said the waiter. ful effect. But the mingled reality and "Young gentlemen is generally tired mystery of the whole show, the influof beet and mutton; have a weal cut- ence upon me of the poetry, the lights, let?' the music, the company, the smooth II x62 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE stupendous changes of glittering and freshly and spontaneously, that I west brilliant scenery,'were so dazzling, and up to him at once, with a fast-beating opened up such illimitable regions of heart, and said, - delight, that when I came out into the "Steerforth Won't you speak to rainy street, at twelve o'clock at night, me?" I felt as if I had come from the clouds, He looked at me, -just as he. used where I had been leading a romantic to look, sometimes, -but I saw no life for ages, to a bawling, splashing, recognition in his face. link-lighted, umbrella-struggling, hack- "You don't remember me, I am ney- coach -jostling, patten - clinking, afraid," said I. muddy, miserable world. " My God! " he suddenly exclaimed. I had emerged by another door, and "It's little Copperfield! " stood in the street for a little while, as I grasped him by both hands, and if I really were a stranger upon earth: could not let them go. But for very but the unceremonious pushing and shame, and the fear that it might dishustling that I received soon recalled please him, I could have held him round me to myself, and put me in the road the neck and cried. back to the hotel; whither I went, "I never, never, never was so glad.l revolving the glorious vision all the My dear Steerforth, I am so overjoyed way; and where, after some porter and to see you!" oysters, I sat revolving it still, at past "And I am rejoiced to see you, one o'clock, with my eyes on the coffee- too!" he said, shaking my hands heart-. room fire. ily. " Why, Copperfield, old boy, don't I was so filled with the play, and be overpowered! " And yet he was with the past, -for it was, in a manner, glad, too, I thought, to see how the delike a shining transparency, through light I had in meeting him affected which I saw my earlier life moving me. along, -that I don't know when the I brushed away the tears that my utfigure of a handsome well-formed young most resolution had not been able to man, dressed with a tasteful easy negli- keep back, and I made a clumsy laugh gence which I have reason to remember of it, and we sat down together, side by very well, became a real presence to side. me. But I recollect being conscious "Why, how do you come to be of his company without having noticed here? " said Steerforth, clapping me on his coming in, -and my still sitting, the shoulder. musing, over the coffee-room fire. "I came here by the Canterbury At last I rose to go to bed, much to coach, to-day. I have been adopted by the relief of the sleepy waiter, who had an aunt down in that part of the coungot the fidgets in his legs, and was try, and have just finished my educatwisting them, and hitting them, and tion there. How do you come to be putting them through all kinds of con- here, Steerforth?" tortions in his small pantry. In going " Well, I am what they call an Oxtowards the door, I passed the person ford man," he returned; "that is to who had come in, and saw him plainly. say, I get bored to death down there, I turned directly, came back, and looked periodically, -and I am on my way again. He did not know me, but I now to my mother's. You're a devilknew him in a moment. ish amiable-looking fellow, Copperfield. At another time I might have wanted Just what you used to be, now I look the confidence or the decision to speak at you I Not altered in the least I" to him, and might have put it off until "I knew you immediately," I said; next day, and might have lost him. "but you are more- easily renemBut, in the then condition of my mind, bered.' where the play was still running high, He laughed as he ran his hand through his former protection of me appeared so the clustering curls of his hair, andsaid, deserviig of my gratitude, and my old gayly, love for him overflowed my breast so'es, I am on an expedition of duty. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. I63 My mother lives a little way out of door, and where I found my new room town; and the roads being in a beastly a great improvement on my old one, it condition, and our house tedious enough, not being at all musty, and having an I remained here to-night instead of go- immense four-post bedstead in it, which ing on. I have not been in town half was quite a little landed estate. Here, a dozen hours, and those I have been among pillows enough for six, I soon dozing and grumbling away at the fell asleep in a blissful condition, and play." dreamed of ancient Rome, Steerforth, "I have been at the play, too," said and friendship, until the early morning I. "At Covent Garden. What a de- coaches, rumbling out of the archway lightful and magnificent entertainment, underneath, made me dream of thunder Steerforth! " and the gods. Steerforth laughed heartily. "My dear young Davy," he said, clapping me on the shoulder again, CHAPTER XX. "you are a very Daisy. The daisy of the field at sunrise is not fresher than STEERFORTH'S HOME. you- are! I have been at Covent Garden, too, and there never was a more WHEN the chambermaid tapped at miserable business. - Holloa, you sir?" my door at eight o'clock, and informed This was addressed to the waiter, me that my shaving-water was outside, who had been very attentive to our I felt severely the having no occasion recognition, at a distance, and now came for it, and blushed in my bed. The forward deferentially. suspicion that she laughed too, when "Where have you put my friend, Mr. she said it, preyed upon my mind all Copperfield?" said Steerforth. the time I was dressing, and gave me, "Beg your pardon, sir?" I was conscious, a sneaking and guilty' Where does he sleep? What's his air when I passed her on the staircase, lumber? You know what I mean," as I was going down to breakfast. I;aid Steerforth. was so sensitively aware, indeed, of be-'" Well, sir," said the waiter, with an ing younger than I could have wished, ipologetic air. " Mr. Copperfield is at that for some time I could not make up resent in forty-four, sir." my mind to pass her at all, under the'" And what the devil do you mean," ignoble circumstances of the case; but, ~etorted Steerforth, " by putting Mr. hearing her there with a broom, stood Copperfield into a little loft over a sta- peeping out of window at King Charles ile?" on horseback, surrounded by a maze of "Why, you see we wasn't aware, hackney-coaches and looking anything ir," returned the waiter, still apologet- but regal in a drizzling rain and a darkrally, "as Mr. Copperfield was any- brown fog, until I was admonished by vays particular. We can give Mr. the waiter that the gentleman was waitaopperfield seventy-two, sir, if it would ing for me. ie preferred. Next you, sir." It was not in the coffee-room that I "'Of course it would be preferred," found Steerforth expecting me, but in a aid Steerforth. "And do it at once." snug private apartment, red-curtained The waiter immediately withdrew to and Turkey-carpeted, where the fire lake the exchange. Steerforth, very burnt bright, and a fine hot breakfast iich amused at my having been put was set forth on a table covered with a ito forty-four, laughed again, and clean cloth, and a cheerful miniature of lapped me on the shoulder again, and the room, the fire, the breakfast, Steerivited me to breakfast with him next forth, and all, was shining in the little lorning at ten o'clock, -an invitation round mirror over the sideboard. I was only too proud and happy to ac- was rather bashful at first, Steerforth ept. It being now pretty late, we took'being so self-possessed, and elegant, ur candles and went up stairs, where and superior to me in all respects (age,e:parted with friendly heartiness athis included); but his easy patronage soon 164 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE put that to rights, and made me quite how little account he seemed to make at home. I could not enough admire his knowledge. the change he had wrought in the Gold- "You'11 take a high degree at colen Cross, or compare the dull forlorn lege, Steerforth," said I, "if you have state I had held yesterday with this not done so already; and they will morning's comfort and this morning's have good reason to be proud of you." entertainment. As to the waiter's fa- "I take a degree!" cried Steerforth. miliarity, it was quenched as if it had "Not I! My dear Daisy-will you never been. He attended on us, as I mind my calling you Daisy?" may say, in sackcloth and ashes. "Not at all!" said I. "Now, Copperfield," said Steerforth, "That's a good fellow! My dear when we were alone, " I should like to Daisy," said Steerforth, laughing, " I hear what you are doing, and where have not the least desire or intention to you are going, and all about you. I distinguish myself in that way. I have feel as if you were my property." done quite sufficient for my purpose. Glowing with pleasure to find that he I find that I am heavy company enough had still this interest in me, I told him for myself as I am." how my aunt had proposed the little "But the fame-" I was beginning. expedition that I had before me, and "You romantic Daisy! " said Steerwhither it tended. forth, laughing still more heartily; "As you are in no hurry, then," said "why should I trouble myself, that a Steerforth, " come home with me to parcel of heavy-headed fellows may Highgate, and stay a day or two. You gape and hold up their hands? Lel will be pleased with my mother, - she them do it at some other man. There's is a little vain and prosy about me, but fame for him, and he's welcome to it." that you can forgive her, -and she will I was abashed at having made sc be pleased with you." great a mistake, and was glad to change " I should like to be as sure of that, the subject. Fortunately it was noi as you are kind enough to say you are," difficult to do, for Steerforth could alI answered, smiling. ways pass from one subject to anothei " 0," said Steerforth, "every one who with a carelessness and lightness tha' likes me has a claim on her that is sure were his own. to be acknowledged." Lunch succeeded to our sight-seeing "Then I think I shall be a favorite," and the short winter day wore away s said I. fast that it was dusk when the stage "Good!" said Steerforth. "Come coach stopped with us at an old bricl and prove it. We will go and see the house at Highgate on the summit of the lions for an hour or two, -it's some- hill. An elderly lady, though not vern thing to have a fresh fellow like you to far advanced in years, with a proui show them to, Copperfield, - and then carriage and a handsome face, was ii we'11 journey out to Highgate by the the doorway as we alighted, and, greet coach." ing Steerforth as " My dearest James,' I could hardly believe but that I was folded him in her arms. To this ladin a dream, and that' I should wake he presented me as his mother, ana presently in number forty-four, to the she gave me a stately welcome. solitary box in the coffee-room, and It was a genteel old-fashioned house the familiar waiter again. After I had very quiet and orderly. From the win written to my aunt and told her of my dows of my room I saw all London lyir. fortunate meeting with my admired old in the distance like a great vapor, witf schoolfellow, and my acceptance of his here and there some lights twinklin invitation, we went out in a hackney- through it. I had only time, in dress chariot, and saw a Panorama and some ing, to glance at the solid furniture, th other sights, and took a walk through framed pieces of work (done, I suppose/ the Museum, where I could not help by Steerforth's mother when she was observing how much Steerforth knew girl), and some pictures in crayons c on an infinite variety of subjects, and of ladies with powdered hair and bodices OF DA VJD COPPERFIELD. 165 coming and going on the walls, as the "Really what?" said Mrs. Steernewly kindled fire crackled and sput- forth. tered, when I was called to dinner. "0, you mean it's not!" returned There was a second lady in the din- Miss Dartle. "Well, I'm very glad to ing-room, of a slight, short figure, dark, hear it! Now, I know what to do! and not agreeable to look at, but with That's the advantage of asking. I some appearance of good looks too, who shall never allow people to talk before attracted my attention; perhaps because me about wastefulness and profligacy, I had not expected to see her; perhaps and so forth, in connection with that because I found myself sitting opposite life, any more." to her; perhaps because of something "And you will be right," said Mrs. really remarkable in her. She had black Steerforth. " My son's tutor is a conhair and eager black eyes, and was thin scientious gentleman; and if I had not and had a scar upon her lip. It was an implicit reliance on my son, I should old scar — I should rather call it seam, have reliance on him." for it was not discolored, and had healed "Should you?" said Miss Dartle. years ago - which had once cut through "Dear me! Conscientious, is he? her mouth, downward towards the chin, Really conscientious, now?" but'was now barely visible across the "Yes, I am convinced of it," said table, except above and on her upper lip, Mrs. Steerforth. the shape of which it had altered. I " How very nice " exclaimed Miss concluded in my own mind that she was Dartle. "What a comfort! Really about thirty years of age, and that she conscientious? Then he's not —but,wished to be married. She was a little of course he can't be, if he's really condilapidated --- like a house —with hav- scientious. Well, I shall be quite haping been so long to let; vet had, as I py in my opinion of him, from this time. have said, an appearance of good looks. You can't think how it elevates him in Her thinness seemed to be the effect my opinion, to know for certain that of some wasting fire within her, which he's really conscientious! " found a vent in her gaunt eyes. Her own views of every iquestion, She was introduced as Miss Dartle, and her correction of everything that and both Steerforth and his mother was said to which she was opposed, Miss called her Rosa. I found that she lived Dartle insinuated in the same way; there, and had been for a long time Mrs. sometimes, I could not conceal from Steerforth's companion. Itappeared to myself, with great power, though in me that she never said anything she contradiction even of Steerforth. An wanted to say, outright; but hinted it, instance happened before dinner was and made a great deal more of it by done. Mrs. Steerforth speaking to me this practice. For example, when Mrs. about my intention of going down into Steerforth observed, more in jest than Suffolk, I said at hazard how glad I earnest, that she feared her son led but should be if Steerforth would only go a wild life at college, Miss Dartle put in there with me; and, explaining to him thus, - that I was going to see my old nurse, "O, really? You know how ignorant and Mr. Peggotty's family, I reminded I am, and that I only ask for informa- him of the boatman whom he had seen tion, but is n't it always so? I thought at school. that'kind of life was on all hands under- " 0, that bluff fellow!" said Steerstood to be - eh? "'forth. " He had a son with him, had n't " It is education for a very grave pro- he? " fession, if you mean that, Rosa," Mrs. "No; that was his nephew," I reSteerforth answered, with some cold- plied; "whom he adopted, though, as ness. a son. He has a very pretty little "0 yes! That's very true," re- niece too, whom he adopted as a turned Miss. Dartle. "But isn't it, daughter. In short, his house (or though? - I want to be put right if I rather his boat, for he lives in one, on am wrong -isn't it really?" dry land) is full of people who ase Ob 166 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE jects of his generosity and kindness. he merely asked me what I thought:of You would be delighted to see that her. household." "She is very clever, is she not? "'I "Should I?" said Steerforth. "Well asked. I think I should. I must see what can "Clever I She brings everything to be done. It would be worth a journey, a grindstone," said Steerforth, "and — not to mention the pleasure of a sharpens it, as she has sharpened her journey with you, Daisy, -to see that own face and figure these years past. sort of people together, and to make She has worn herself away by constant one of'em." sharpening. She is all edge." My heart leaped with a new hope of " What a remarkable scar that is uppleasure. But it was in reference to on her lip!" I said. Steerforth's face the tone in which he had spoken of fell, and he paused a moment. "that sort of people," that Miss Dar- "Why, the fact is," he returned, tle, whose sparkling eyes had been "Idid that." watchful of us, now broke in again. "By an unfortunate accident?" "0, but really? Do tell me. Are "No. I was a young boy, and she they, though?" she said. exasperated me, and I threw a hammer "Are they what? And are who at her. A promising young angel I what?" said Steerforth. must have been!" "That sort of people.-Are they I was deeply sorry to have touched really animals and clods, and beings on such a painful theme, but that was of another order? I want to know so useless now. much." " She has borne the mark ever since, "Why, there's a pretty wide separa- as you see," said Steerforth; "and tion between them and us," said Steer- she'11 bear it to her grave, if she ever forth, with indifference. "They are rests in one, - though I can hardly benot to be expected to be as sensitive lieve she will ever rest anywhere. She as we are. Their delicacy is not to be was the motherless child of a sort of shocked, or hurt very easily. They are cousin of my father's. He died one wonderfully virtuous, I dare say, - some day. My mother, who was then a widpeople contend for that, at least, and I ow, brought her here to be company am sure I don't want to contradict them, to her. She has a couple of thousand -but they have not very fine natures, pounds of her own, and saves the and they may be thankful that, like interest of it every year, to add to their coarse rough skins, they are not the principal. There's the history of easily wounded." Miss Rosa Dartle for you." "Really!" said Miss Dartle. " And I have no doubt she loves you "Well, I don't know, now, when I like a brother?" said I. have been better pleased than to hear " Humph!" retorted Steerforth, lookthat. It's so consoling! It's such a ing at the fire. "Some brothers are delight to know that when they suffer not loved over much; and some love they don't feel! Sometimes I have -but help yourself, Copperfield. We'll been quite uneasy for that sort of peo- drink the daisies of the field, in comple; but now I shall just dismiss the pliment to you; and the lilies of the idea of them altogether. Live and valley, that toil not neither do they learn. I had my doubts, I confess, but spin, in compliment to me, -the more now they're cleared up. I didn't shame for me!" A moody smile that know, and now I do know, and that -had overspread his features cleared off shows the advantage of asking, - don't as he said this merrily, and he was his it?" own frank, winning self again. I believed that Steerforth had said I could. not help glancing at the scar what he had, in jest, or to draw Miss with a painful interest when we went in Dartle out; and I expected him to say to tea. It was not long before I obas much when she was gone, and we served that it was the most susceptitwo eWere sitting before the fire. But ble part of her face, and that, w!n OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. i57 she turned pale, that mark altered first, who, felt its superiority, and would be and became a dull lead-colored streak, content to bow himself before it; and lengthening out to its full extent, like a we found such a man there." mark in invisible ink brought to the fire. I knew that, knowing the fellow. -There was a little altercation between And yet I did not despise him the her and Steerforth about a cast of the more for it, but thought it a redeeming dice at backgammon, - when I thought quality in him, - if he could be alher for one moment, in a storm of rage; lowed any grace for not resisting one and then I saw it start forth like the old so irresistible as Steerforth. writing on the wall. " My son's great capacity was temptIt was no matter of wonder to me to ed on, there, by a feeling of voluntary find Mrs. Steerforth devoted to her son. emulation and conscious pride," the She seemed to be able to speak or fond lady went on to say. "He would think about nothing else. She showed have risen against all constraint; but me his picture as an infant, in a locket, he found himself the monarch of the with some of his baby-hair in it; she place, and he haughtily determined to showed me his picture as he had been be worthy of his station. It was like when I first knew him; and she wore at himself."'her breast his picture as he was now. I echoed, with all my heart and soul, All the letters he had ever written to that it was like himself her she kept in a cabinet near her own "So my son took, of his own will, chair, by the fire; and she would have and on no compulsion, to the course in read me some of them, and I should which he can always, when it is his have been very glad to hear them too, pleasure, outstrip every competitor," if he had not interposed, and coaxed she pursued. " My son informs me, her out of the design. Mr. Copperfield, that you were quite "It was at Mr. Creakle's, my son devoted to him, and that when you met tells me, that you first became acquaint- yesterday you made yourself known to ed," said Mrs. Steerforth, as she and I him with tears of joy. I should be an were talking at one table, while they affected woman if I made any pretence played backgammon at another. " In- of being surprised by my son's inspirdeed, I recollect his speaking, at that ing such emotions; but I cannot be intime, of a pupil younger than himself different to any one who is so sensible who had taken his fancy there; but of his merit, and I am very glad to see your name, as you may suppose, has you here, and can assure you that he not lived in my memory." feels an unusual friendship for you, and " He was very generous and noble to that you may rely on his protection." me in those days, I assure you, ma'am," Miss Dartle played backgammon as said I, " and I stood in need of such a eagerly as she did everything else. If friend. I should have been quite- I had seen her, first, at the board, I crushed without him." should have fancied that her figure had " He is always generous and noble," got thin, and her eyes had got large said Mrs. Steerforth, proudly. over that pursuit and no other. But I I subscribed to this with all my heart, am very much mistaken if she missed a God knows. She knew I did; for the word of this, or lost a look of mine as I stateliness of her manner already abat- received it with the utmost pleasure, ed towards me, except when she spoke and, honored by Mrs. Steerforth's conin praise of him, and then her air was fidence, felt older than I had done since always lofty. I left Canterbury. " It was not a fit school generally for When the evening was pretty far my son," said she; "far from it; but spent, and a tray of glasses and decanthere were particular circumstances to ters came in, Steerforth promised, over be considered at the time, of more im- the fire, that he would seriously think portance even than that selection. My of going down into the country with son's high spirit made it desirable that me. There was no hurry, he said; a.he'should be placed with some man week hence would do; and his mother i68 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE hospitably said the same. While we her, I undressed quickly, extinguished were talking, he more than once called my light, and went to bed. But, as I me Daisy; which brought Miss Dartle fell asleep, I could not forget that she out again. was still there looking, " Is it really, "But really, Mr. Copperfield," she though? I want to know"; andwhen asked, "is it a nickname? And why I awoke in the night, I found that I was does he give it you? Is it - eh? —be- uneasily asking all sorts of people in my cause he thinks you young and inno- dreams whether it really was or notcent? I am so stupid in these things." without knowing what I meant. I colored in replying that I believed it was. "Oh! " said Miss Dartle. "Now I am glad to know that! I ask for infor- CHAPTER XXI. mation, and I am glad to know it. He thinks you young and innocent; and so LITTLE EM'LY. you are his friend. Well, that's quite delightful! " THERE was a servant in that house, a She went to bed soon after this, and man who, I understood, was usually Mrs. Steerforth retired too. Steerforth with Steerforth, and had come into his and I, after lingering for half an hour service at the University, who was in over the fire, talking about Traddles and appearance a pattern of respectability. all the rest of them at old Salem House, I believe there never existed in his stawent up stairs together. Steerforth's tion a more respectable-looking man. room was next to mine, and I went in He was taciturn, soft-footed, very quiet to look at it. It was a picture of corn- in his manner, deferential, observant, alfort, full of easy-chairs, cushions, and ways at hand when wanted, and never footstools, worked by his mother's near when not wanted; but his great hand, and with no sort of thing omit- claim to consideration was his respectated that could help to render it com- bility. He had not a pliant face, he had plete. Finally, her handsome features rather a stiff neck, rather a tight smooth looked down on her darling from a head with short hair clinging to it at portrait on the wall, as if it were even the sides, a soft way of speaking, with something to her that her likeness a peculiar habit of whispering the letshould watch him while he slept. ter S so distinctly, that he seemed to I found the fire burning clear enough use it oftener than any other man; but in my room by this time, and the curtains every peculiarity that he had he made redrawn before the windows and round the spectable. If his nose had been upsidebed, giving it a very snug appearance. down, he would have made that respectI sat down in a great chair upon the able. He surrounded himself with an hearth to meditate on my happiness, atmosphere of respectability, and walked and had enjoyed the contemplation of secure in it. It would have been next it for some time, when I found a like- to impossible to suspect him of anything ness of Miss Dartle looking eagerly at wrong, he was so throughly respectable, me from above the chimney-piece. Nobody could have thought of putting It was a startling likeness, and neces- him in a livery, he was so highly resarily had a startling look. The painter spectable. To have imposed any de-: hadn't made the scar, but I made it; rogatory work upon him, would have and there it was, coming and going, - been to inflict a wanton insult on the now confined to the upper lip as I had feelings of a most respectable man. seen it at dinner, and now showing the And of this, I noticed the women-serwhole extent of the wound inflicted by vants in the household were so intuitivethe hammer, as I had seen it when she ly conscious that they always did such was passionate. work themselves, and generally while I wondered peevishly why they he read the paper by the pantry fire. couldn't put her anywhere else instead Such. a self-contained man I never of quartering her on me. To get rid of saw. But in that quality, as in- every OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 169 other he possessed, he only seemed to me, he went out, shutting the door as be the more respectable. Even the delicately as if I had just fallen into a fact that no one knew his Christian sweet sleep on which my life depended. name seemed to form a part of his re- Every morning we held exactly this spectability. Nothing could be objected conversation; never any more, and against his surname Littimer, by which never any less; and yet, invariably, he was known. Peter might have been however far I might have been lifted hanged, or Tom transported; but Litti- out of myself over-night, and advanced mer was perfectly respectable. towards maturer years, by Steerforth's It was occasioned, I suppose, by the companionship, or Mrs. Steerforth's reverend nature of respectability in the confidence, or Miss Dartle's conversaabstract, but I felt particularly young in tion, in the presence of this most rethis man's presence. How old he was spectable man I became, as our smallhimself I could not guess; and that er poets sing, "a boy again." again went to his credit on the same He got horses for us; and Steerforth, score; for in the calmness of respecta- who knew everything, gave me lessons bility he might have numbered fifty in riding. He provided foils for us, and years as well as thirty. Steerforth gave me lessons in fencing, Littimer was in my room in the morn- -gloves, and I began, of the same ing before I was up, to bring me that master, to improve in boxing. It gave reproachful shaving-water, and to put me no manner of concern, that Steerout my clothes. When I undrew the forth should find me a novice in these curtains and looked out of bed, I saw sciences, but I never could bear to show him, in an equable temperature of re- my want of skill before the respectable spectability, unaffected by the east wind Littimer. I had no reason to believe of January, and not even breathing that Littimer understood such arts himfrostily, standing my boots right and left self; he never led me to suppose anyin the first dancing position, and blow- thing of the kind, by so much as the ing specks of dust off my coat as he vibration of one of his respectable eyelaid it down like a baby. lashes; yet whenever he was by, while I gave him good morning, and asked we were practising, I felt myself the him what o'clock it was. He took out greenest and most inexperienced of of his pocket the most respectable hunt- mortals. ing-watch I ever saw, and preventing I am particular about this man, bethe spring with his thumb from opening cause he made a particular effect on me far, looked in at the face as if he were at that time, and because of what took consulting an oracular oyster, shut it place thereafter. up again, and said, if I pleased, it was The week passed away in a most dehalf past eight. lightful manner. It passed rapidly, as " Mr. Steerforth will be glad to hear may be supposed, to one entranced as I how you have rested, sir." was; and yet it gave me so many occa" Thank you," said I, " very well in- sions for knowing Steerforth better, and deed. Is Mr. Steerforth quite well? " admiring him more in a thousand re"Thank you, sir, Mr. Steerforth is spects, that at its close I seemed to have tolerably well." Another of his char- been with him for a much longer time. acteristics, -no use of superlatives. A dashing way he had of treating me A cool calm medium always. like a plaything was more agreeable to "Is there anything more I can have me than any behavior he could have the honor of doing for you, sir? The adopted. It reminded me of our old warning-bell will ring at nine; the fam-.acquaintance; it seemed the natural seily take breakfast at half past nine." quel of it; it showed me that he was " Nothing, I thank you." unchanged; it relieved me of any unea" I thank you, sir, if you please " siness I might have felt, in comparing and with that, and with a little inclina- my merits with his, and measuring my tion of his head when he passed the claims upon his friendship by any equal bedside, as an apology for correcting standard; above all, it was a familiar, t70 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE unrestrained, affectionate demeanor that me there, Daisy? " he said. " I amftat he used towards no. one else. As he your disposal. Make your own arhad treated me at school differently rangements." from all the rest, I joyfully believed that "Why, I was thinking that this evenhe treated me in life unlike any other ing would be a good time, Steerforth, friend he had. I believed that I was when they are all sitting round the fire. nearer to his heart than any other friend, I should like you to see it when it's and my own heart warmed with attach- snug, it's such a curious place." ment to him. "So be it!" returned Steerforth. He made up his mind to go with me "This evening." into the country, and the day arrived "I shall not give them any notice for our departure. He had been doubt- that we are here, you know," said -, ful at first whether to take Littimer or delighted. "We must take them by not, but decided to leave him at home. surprise." The respectable creature, satisfied with "O, of course! It's no fun," said his lot whatever it was, arranged our Steerforth, "unless we take them by portmanteaus on the little carriage that surprise. Let us see the natives -in was to take us into London, as if they their aboriginal condition." were intended to defy the shocks of "Though they are that sort of people ages, and received my modestly prof- that you mentioned," I returned. -fered donation with perfect tranquil- "Aha! What! you recollect my lity. skirmishes with Rosa, do you?" he We bade adieu to Mrs. Steerforth exclaimed with a quick look. "Conand Miss Dartle, with many thanks on found the girl, I am half afraid of her. my part, and much kindness on the de- She's like a goblin to me. But never voted mother's. The last thing I saw mind her. Now what are you going to was Littimer's unruffled eye, - fraught, do? You are going to see your nurse, as I fancied, with the silent conviction, I suppose?" that I was very young indeed. "Why, yes," I said; "I must see What I felt, in returning so auspi- Peggotty first of all." ciously to the old familiar places, I "Well," replied Steerforth, looking shall not endeavor to describe. We at his watch. " Suppose I deliver you went down by the mail. I was so con- up to be cried over for a couple ol cerned, I recollect, even for the honor hours. Is that long enough?" of Yarmouth, that when Steerforth said, I answered, laughing, that I thought as we drove through its dark streets to we might get through it in that time. the inn, that, as well as he could make but that he must come also; for he out, it was a good, queer, out-of-the- would find that his renown had pre way kind of hole, Iwas highly pleased. ceded him, and that he was almost a, We went to bed on our arrival (I ob- great a personage as I was. served a pair of dirty shoes and gaiters " I'1 come anywhere you like," sas in connection with my old friend the Steerforth, "or do anything you like, Dolphin as we passed that door), and Tell me where to come to; and ir breakfasted late in the morning. Steer- two hours I'11 produce myself in an3 forth, who was in great spirits, had been state you please, sentimental or corn strolling about the beach before I was ical." up, and had made acquaintance, he I gave him minute directions fo: said, with half the boatmen in the finding the residence of Mr. Barkis place. Moreover, he had seen, in the carrier to Blunderstone and elsewhere distance, what he was sure must be the and, on this understanding, went nt identical house of Mr. Peggotty, with alone. There was a sharp bracing air smoke coming out of the chimney; and the ground was dry; the sea was crisI had had a great mind, he told me, to and clear; the sun was diffusing aburi walk in and swear he was myself grown dance of light, if not much wariifh out of knowledge. and everything was fresh and Jively "When do you' propose to introduce I was so fresh and lively myself in the OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 17t pleasure of being there, that I could ( I think my memory has got as short ave stopped the people in the streets as my breath," said Mr. Omer, looking and shaken hands with them. at me and shaking his head; "for I The streets looked small, of course. don't remember you." The streets that we have only seen as "Don't you remember your coming children always do, I believe, when we to the coach to meet me, and my having go back to them. But I had forgotten breakfast here, and our riding out to nothing in them, and found nothing Blunderstone together, -you, and I, and changed, until I came to Mr. Omer's Mrs. Joram, and Mr. Joram, too, -who shop. OMER AND JORAM was now was n't her husband then?" written up, where OMER used to be; "Why, Lord bless my soul!" exbut the inscription, DRAPER, TAILOR, claimed Mr. Omer, after being thrown HABERDASHER, FUNERAL FURNISHER, by his surprise into a fit of coughing; &c., remained as it was. "you don't say so! Minnie, my dear, My footsteps seemed to tend so natu- you recollect? Dearme, yes-the party rally to the shop door, after I had read was a lady, I think?" these words from over the way, that I "My mother," I rejoined. went across the road and looked in. "To-be-sure," said Mr. Omer, There was a pretty woman at the back touching my waistcoat with his foreof the shop, dancing a little child in her finger, " and there was a little child too! arms, while another little fellow clung There was two parties. The little party to her apron. I had no difficulty in was laid along with the other party. recognizing either Minnie or Minnie's Over at Blunderstone it was, of course. children. The glass door of the parlor Dear me! And how have you been was not open; but in the workshop since?" across the yard I could faintly hear the Very well, I thanked him, as I hoped old tune playing as if it had never left he had been too. off. "0, nothing to grumble at, you "Is Mr. Omer at home?" said I, know," said Mr. Omer. "I find my entering. "I should like to see him, breath gets short, but it seldom gets for a moment, if he is." longer as a man gets older. I take it "0 yes, sir, he is at home," said as it comes, and make the most of it. Minnie; "this weather don't suit his That's the best way, ain't it?" asthma out of doors. Joe, call your Mr. Omer coughed again, in consegrandfather!" quence of laughing, and was assisted The little fellow, who was holding out of his fit by his daughter, who now her apron, gave such a lusty shout that stood close beside us, dancing her smallthe sound of it made him bashful, and est child on the counter. he buried his face in her skirts, to her "Dear me! " said Mr. Omer. "Yes, great admiration. I heard a heavy puf- to be sure. Two parties Why, in fing and blowing coming towards us, that very ride, if you'11 believe me, the and soon Mr. Omer, shorter-winded day was named for my Minnie to marry than of yore, but not much older look- Joram.' Do name it, sir,' says Joram. ing, stood before me.'Yes, do father,' says Minnie. And "Servant, sir," said Mr. Omer. now he's come into the business. And "What can I do for you, sir?" look here I The youngest! " "You can shake hands with me, Mr. Minnie laughed, and stroked her Omer, if you please," said I, putting banded hair upon her temples, as her out my own. "You were very good- father put one of his fat fingers into the natured to me once, when I am afraid I hand of the child she was dancing on did n't show that I thought so." the counter. "Was I, though? " returned the old "Two parties, of course!" said Mr. man. "I'm glad to hear it, but I don't Omer, nodding his head retrospectively. remember when. Are you sure it was "Ex-actly so! And Joram's at work, me?" at this minute, on a gray one with sil- Quite." ver nails, not this measurement "-the X72 PERSONAL- HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE measurement of the dancing child upon exhausted that he was obliged to sit en the counter-" by a good two inches. the stool of the shop-desk. -Will you take something? "" You see," he said, wiping his head, I thanked him, but declined. and breathing with difficulty, "she "Let me see," said Mr. Omer. has n't taken much to any companions "Barkis's the carrier's wife, - Peggot- here; she has n't taken kindly to any ty's the boatman's sister, -she had particular acquaintances and friends, something to do with your family? She not to mention sweethearts. In ccnsewas in service there, sure?" quence, an ill-natured story got about, My answering in the affirmative gave that Em'ly wanted to be a lady. Now, him great satisfaction. my opinion is, that it came into circula"I believe my breath will get long tion principally on account of her somenext, my memory's getting so much so," times saying at the school, that, if she said Mr. Omer. " Well, sir, we've got was a lady, she would like to do so and a young relation of hers here, under so for her uncle - don't you see?articles to us, that has as elegant a taste and buy him such and such fine things." in the dress-making business - I assure "I assure you, Mr. Omer, she has you I don't believe there's a Duchess said so to me," I returned, eagerly, in England can touch her." "when we were both children." "Not little Em'ly?" said I, involun- Mr. Omer nodded his head and tarily. rubbed his chin. "Just so. Then out " Em'ly's her name," said*Mr. Omer, of a very little, she could dress herself, "and she's little too. But if you'11 you see, better than most others could believe me, she has such a face of her out of a deal; and that made things own that half the women in this town -unpleasant. Moreover, she was rather are mad against her." what might be called wayward, - I'II "Nonsense, father! " cried Minnie. go so far as to say, what I should call "My dear," said Mr. Omer, " I don't wayward myself," said Mr. Omer,say it's the case with you," winking at "did n't know her own mind quiteme, " but I say that half the women in a little spoiled- and could n't, at first, Yarmouth - ah! and in five mile round exactly bind herself down. No more -are mad against that girl." than that was ever said against her, "Then she should have kept to her Minnie? " own station in life, father," said Minnie, "No, father," said Mrs. Joram. " and not have given them any hold to "That's the worst, I believe." talk about her, and then they couldn't " So, when she got a situation," said have done it." Mr. Omer, "to keep a fractious old lady "Could n't have done it, my dear!" company, they did n't very well agree, retorted Mr. Omer. "Couldn't have and she didn't stop. At last she done it! Is that your knowledge of came here, apprenticed for three years. life? What is there that any woman Nearly two of'em are over, and she couldn't do, that she shouldn't do,- has been as good a girl as ever was. especially on the subject of another Worth any six! Minnie, is she worth woman's good looks?" any six, now?" I really thought it was all over with "Yes, father," replied Minnie. Mr. Omer, after he had uttered this li- "Never say I detracted from her!-" bellous pleasantry. He coughed to that "Very good," said Mr. Omer. extent, and his breath eluded all his " That's right. And so, young gentleattempts to recover it with that obstinacy man," he added, after a few moments' that I fully expected to see his head go further rubbing of his chin, "that you down behind the counter, and his little may not consider me long-winded as well black breeches, with the rusty little as short-breathed, I believe that's all bunches of ribbons at the knees, come about it." quivering up in a last ineffectual strug- As they had spoken in a subdued gle. At length, however, he got better, tone, while speaking of Em'ly, I had though he still panted hard, and was so no doubt that she was near. On my OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 173 asking now if that were not so, Mr. and I noticed a quick movement of her Omer nodded yes, and nodded towards hands towards each other. the door of the parlor. My hurried in- "Because I want to ask a question quiry if I might peep in was answered about a house there, that they call the with a free permission; and, looking - what is it?- the Rookery," said I. through the glass, I saw her sitting at She took a step backward, and put her work. I saw her, a most beautiful out her hands in an undecided frightlittle creature, with the cloudless blue ened way, as if to keep me off. eyes that had looked into my childish " Peggotty! " I cried to her. heart turned laughingly upon another She cried, "My darling bov!" and child of Minnie's who was playing near we both burst into tears, and were her; with enough of wilfulness in her locked in one another's arms. bright face to justify what I had heard; What extravagances she committed; with much of the old capricious coyness what laughing and crying over me; lurking in it; but with nothing in her what pride she showed, what joy, what pretty looks, I am sure, but what was sorrow that she whose pride and joy I meant for goodness and for happiness, might have been, could never hold me and what was on a good and happy in a fond embrace; I have not the course. heart to tell. I was troubled with no The tune across the yard that seemed misgiving that it was young in me to as if it never had left off- alas! it was respond to her emotions. I had never the tune that never does leave off! — laughed and cried in all my life, I dare was beating, softly, all the while. say, -not even to her, -more freely "Would n't you like to step in," said than I did that morning. Mr. Omer, " and speak to her? Walk "Barkis will be so glad," said Pegin and speak to her, sir I Make your- gotty, wiping her eyes with her apron, self at home I " that it'11 do him more good than pints I was too bashful to do so then, - I of liniment. May I go and tell him you was afraid of confusing her, and I was are here? Will you come up and see no less afraid of confusing myself; but him, my dear? " I informed myself of the hour at which Of course I would. But Peggotty she left of an evening, in order that could not get out of the room as easily our visit might be timed accordingly; as she meant to; for as often as she got and, taking leave of Mr. Omer and his to the door and looked round at me, pretty daughter and her little children, she came back again to have another went away to my dear old Peggotty's. laugh and another cry upon my shoulHere she was, in the tiled kitch- der. At last, to make the matter easier, en, cooking dinner! The moment I I went up stairs with her, and, having knocked at the door she opened it, and waited outside for a minute, while she asked me-what I pleased to want. I said a word of preparation to Mr. Barlooked at her with a smile; but she gave kis, presented myself before that invame no smile in return. I had never lid. ceased to write to her; but it must have He received me with absolute enthubeen seven years since we had met. siasm. He was too rheumatic to be " Is Mr. Barkis at home, ma'am? " I shaken hands with, but he begged me to said, feigning to speak roughly to her. shake the tassel on the top of his night"He's at home, sir," returned Peg- cap, which I did most cordially. When gotty, "but he's bad abed with the I sat down by the side of the bed, he rheumatics." said that it did him a world of good to " Don't he go over to Blunderstone feel as if he was driving me on the now? " I asked. Blunderstone road again. As he lay in "When he's well, he do," she an- bed, face upward, and so covered, with swered. that exception, that he seemed to be " Do you ever go there, Mrs. Bar- nothing but a face, -like a conventional kis?" cherubim, —he looked the queerest She looked at me more attentively, object I ever beheld. 174 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "What name was it as I wrote up in she deserves, and more! My deiar, the cart, sir?" said Mr. Barkis, with a you'11 get a dinner to-day for comslow rheumatic smile. pany; something good to eat and "Ah! Mr. Barkis, we had some grave drink, will you?" talks about that matter, had n't we?" I should have protested against this " I was willin' a long time, sir?" said unnecessary demonstration in my honor, Mr. Barkis. but that I saw Peggotty, on the oppo"A long time," said I. site side of the bed, extremely anxious "And I don't regret it," said Mr. I should not. So I held my peace. Barkis. "Do you remember what you "I have got a trifle of money sometold me once, about her making all the where about me, my dear," said Mr. apple parsties and doing all the cook- Barkis, "but I'm a little tired. If you ing?" and Mr. David will leave me for a short "Yes, very well," I returned. nap, I'11 try and find it when I wake." "It was as true," said Mr. Barkis, We left the room in compliance with "as turnips is. It was as true," said this request. When we got outside the Mr. Barkis, nodding his nightcap, which door, Peggotty informed me that Mr. was his only means of emphasis, "as Barkis, being now "a little nearer" taxes is. -And nothing's truer than than he used to be, always resorted to them." this same device before producing a sinMr. Barkis turned his eyes upon me, gle coin from his store; and that he as if for my assent to this result of his endured unheard-of agonies in crawling reflections in bed; and I gave it. out of bed alone, and taking it from that "Nothing's truer than them," re- unlucky box. In effect, we presently peated Mr. Barkis. "A man as poor as heard him uttering suppressed groans I am finds that out in his mind when of the most dismal nature, as this maghe's laid up. I'm a very poor man, pie proceeding racked him in every sir." joint; but while Peggotty's eyes were " I am sorry to hear it, Mr. Barkis." full of compassion for him, she said his "A very poor man, indeed I am," generous impulse would do him good,: said Mr. Barkis. and it was better not to check it. -So Here his right hand came slowly and he groaned on until he had got into bed feebly from under the bedclothes, and again, suffering, I have no doubt, a marwith a purposeless uncertain grasp took tyrdom, and then called us in, pretendhold of a stick which was loosely tied to ing to have just woke up from a refreshthe side of the bed. After some poking ing sleep, and to produce a guinea from about with this instrument, in the course under his pillow. His satisfaction in of which his face assumed a variety which happy imposition on us, and in of distracted expressions, Mr. Barkis having preserved the impenetrable sepoked it against a box, an end of which cret of the box, appeared to be a suffihad been visible to me all the time. cient compensation to him for all his Then his face became composed. tortures. "Old clothes," said Mr. Barkis. I prepared Peggotty for Steerforth's "O0" said I. arrival, and it was not long before he "I wish it was Money, sir," said Mr. came. I am persuaded she knew no Barkis. difference between his having been a " I wish it was, indeed," said I. personal benefactor of hers and a kind "But it AIN'T," said Mr. Barkis, friend to me, and that she would have opening both his eyes as wide as he received him with the utmost gratitude possibly could. and devotion in any case. But his easy, I expressed myself quite sure of that, spirited good-humor, his genial nmanner;and Mr. Barkis, turning his eyes more his handsome looks, his natural gift of gently to his wife, said, - adapting himself to whomsoever he "She's the usefullest and best of pleased, and making direct, when hewomen, C. P. Barkis. All the praise cared to do it, to the main point of 5in6that any one can give to C. P. Barkis, terest in anybody's heart, boic - heis'lt OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 175 him wholly in five minutes. His man- citement of the moment, for the employner to me, alone, would have won her. ment of high spirits, in the thoughtless But, through all these causes combined, love of superiority, in a mere wasteful, I sincerely believe she had a kind of careless course of winning what was adoration for him before he left the worthless to him, and next minute house that night. thrown away, —I say, if any one had He stayed there with me to dinner- told me such a lie that night, I wonder if, t were to say willingly, I should not in what manner of receiving it my inhalf express how readily and gayly. He dignation would have found a vent! went into Mr. Barkis's room like light Probably only in an increase, had and air, brightening and refreshing it that been possible, of the romantic feelas if he were healthy weather. There ings of fidelity and friendship with which was no noise, no effort, no conscious- I walked beside him, over the dark ness, in anything he did; but in every- wintry sands, towards the old boat; the thing an indescribable lightness, a seem- wind sighing around us even more ing impossibility of doing anything else, mournfully than it had sighed and or doing anything better, which was moaned upon the night when I first so graceful, so natural, and agreeable, darkened Mr. Peggotty's door. that it overcomes me, even now, in the "This is a wild kind of place, Steerremembrance. forth, is it not?"'We made merry in the little parlor, "Dismal enough in the dark," he where the Book of Martyrs, unthumbed said; " and the sea roars as if it were since my time, was laid out upon the hungry for us. Is that the boat, where desk as of old, and where I now turned I see a light yonder?" over its terrific pictures, remembering " That's the boat," said I. the old sensations they had awakened, "And it's the same I saw this mornbut not feeling them. When Peggottv ing," he returned. "I came straight to spoke of what she called my room, and it, by instinct, I suppose." of its being ready for me at night, and We said no more as we approached of her hoping I would occupy it, before the light, but made softly for the door. I could so much as look at Steerforth, I laid my hand upon the latch, and; hesitating, he was possessed of the whispering Steerforth to keep close to whole case. me, went in. "Of course," he said. "You'11 A murmur of voices had been audible sleep here, while we stay, and I shall on the outside, and, at the moment of sleep at the hotel." our entrance, a clapping of hands; "But to bring you so far," I returned, which latter noise, I was surprised to "and to separate, seems bad compan- see, proceeded from the generally disionship, Steerforth." consolate Mrs. Gummidge. But Mrs. "Why, in the name of Heaven, where Gummidge was not the only person do you naturally belong!" he said. there who was unusually excited. Mr. "What is'seems' compared to that!" Peggotty, his face lighted up with unIt.was settled at once. common satisfaction, and laughing with iHe maintained all his delightful qual- all his might, held his rough arms wide ities to the last, until we started forth, open, as if for little Em'ly.to run into at eight o'clock, for Mr. Peggotty's them; Ham, with a mixed expression boat. Indeed, they were more and in his face of admiration, exultation, more brightly exhibited as the hours and a lumbering sort of bashfulness went on; for I thought even then, and that sat upon him very well, held little I have no doubt now, that the con- Em'ly by the hand, as if he were presciousness of success in his determina- senting her to' Mr. Peggotty; little tion to please inspired him with a new Em'ly herself, blushing and shy, but delicacy of perception, and made it, delighted with Mr. Peggotty's delight, subtle as it was, more easy to him. If as her joyous eyes expressed, was any one had told me, then, that all this stopped by our entrance (for she saw us was a brilliant game, played for the ex- first), in Ithe very act of springing from 176 PERSONA-L HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Ham to nestle in Mr. Peggotty's em- "If you two gentl'men-gentl'men brace. In the first glimpse we had of growed now, and such gentl'men — " them all, and at the moment of our said Mr. Peggotty. passing from the dark'cold night into " So th' are, soth'are!" cried Ham. the warm light room, this was the way "Well said! So th' are. Mas'r Davy in which they were all employed, - Mrs. bor - gentl'men growed - so th' are " Gummidge in the background, clap- "If you two gentl'men, gentl'men ping her hands like a madwoman. growed," said Mr. Peggotty, "don't The little picture was so instantane- ex-cuse me for being in a state of mind, ously dissolved by our going in, that when you understand matters, I'11 arks one might have doubted whether it had your pardon. Em'ly, my dear!- She ever been. I was in the midst of the knows I'm a going to tell," here his deastonished family, face to face with Mr. light broke out again, "and has made Peggotty, and holding out my hand to off. Would you be so good as look after him, when Ham shouted,- her, mawther, for a minute?" "Mas'r Davy! It's Mas'r Davy!" Mrs. Gummidge nodded and disapIn a moment we were all shaking peared. hands with one another, and asking one " If this ain't," said Mr. Peggotty, another how we did, and telling one sitting down among us bythe fire, "the another how glad we were to meet, and brightest night o' my life, I'm a shellall talking at once. Mr. Peggotty was fish, - biled too, - and more I can't say. so proud and overjoyed to see us that This here little Em'ly, sir," in a low he did not know what to say or do, but voice to Steerforth, - " her as you see kept over and over again shaking hands a blushing here just now-" with me, and then with Steerforth, and Steerforth only nodded; but with then with me, and then ruffling his such a pleased expression of interest, shaggy hair all over his head, and laugh- and of participation in Mr. Peggotty's ing with such glee and triumph that it feelings, that the latter answered him was a treat to see him. as if he had spoken. "Why, that you two gentl'men- "To be sure," said Mr. Peggotty. gentl'men growed- should come to "That's her, and so she is. Thankee, this here roof to-night, of all nights in sir." my life," said Mr. Peggotty, "is such Ham nodded to me several times, as a thing as never happened afore, I do if he would have said so too. rightly believe! Em'ly, my darling, "This here little Em'ly of ours,' come here! Come here, my little said Mr. Peggotty, "has been, in our witch! Theer's Mas'r Davy's friend, house, what I suppose (I'm a ignorant my dear! Theer's the gentl'man as man, but that's my belief) no one but you've heerd on, En'ly. He comes to a little bright-eyed creetur can be in a see you, along with Mas'r Davy, on the house. She ain't my child; I never brightest night of your uncle's life as had one; but I couldn't love her ever was or will be, Gorm the t'other more. You understand! I couldn't one, and horroar for it! " do it! " After delivering this speech all in a "I quite understand," said Steerbreath, and with extraordinary anima- forth. tion and pleasure, Mr. Peggotty put one "I know you do, sir," returned Mr. of his large hands rapturously on each Peggotty, "and thankee again. Mas'r side of his niece's face, and, kissing it a Davy, he can remember what she was; dozen times, laid it with a gentle pride you may judge for your own self what and love upon his broad chest, and pat- she is; but neither of you can't fully ted it as if his hand had been a lady's. know what she has been, is, and will Then he let her go, and, as she ran in- be, to my loving art. I am rough, sir," to the little chamber where I used to said Mr. Peggotty, "I am as rough as sleep, looked round upon us, quite hot a sea Porkypine; but no one, unless, and out of breath with his uncommon mayhap, it is a woman, can know, I satisfaction. think, what our little Em'ly is to me. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. a17 And betwixt ourselves," sinking his Em'ly. He's big enough, but he's voice lower yet, "that woman's name bashfuller than a little un, and he, ain't Missis Gummidge neither, though don't like. So I speak.'What! she has a world of merits." Him!' says Em'ly.'Him that I've. Mr. Peggotty ruffled his hair again know'd so intimate so many years, and rith both hands, as a further prepara- like so much! 0 uncle! I never can:ion for what he was going to say, and have him. He's such a good fellow!' vtent on, with a hand upon each of his I gives her a kiss, and I says no more cmees. to her than'My dear, you're right to "There was a certain person as had speak out, you're to choose for yourself, cnow'd our Em'ly, from the time when you're as free as a little bird.' Then I ler father was drownded; as had seen aways to him, and I says,'I wish it ler constant; when a babby, when a could have been so, but it can't. But roung gal, when a woman. Not much you can both be as you was, and wot >f a person to look at, he warn't," said I say to you is, Be as you was with Ir. Peggotty, - " something o' my own her, like a man.' He says to me a shak)uild - rough - a good deal o' the ing of my hand,'I will!' he says.;ou'wester m him-wery salt-but, And he was -honorable and manful)n the whole, a honest sort of a chap, for two year going on, and we was just vith. his art in the right place." the same at home here as afore." I thought I had never seen Ham grin Mr. Peggotty's face, which had varied o anything like the extent to which he in its expression with the various stages.;at grinning at us now. of his narrative, now resumed all its for" What does this here blessed tarpau- mer triumphant delight, as he laid a in go and do," said Mr. Peggotty, with hand upon my knee and a hand upon iis face one high noon of enjoyment, Steerforth's (previously wetting them:'but he loses that there art of his to both, for the greater emphasis of tkb ur little Em'ly. He follers her about, action), and divided the followinga ie makes hisself a sort o' seryant to her, speech between us: - le loses in a great measure his relish for "All of a sudden, one evening, - as it lis wittles, and in the long run he makes might be to-night, - comes little Em'ly t clear to me wot's amiss. Now I from herwork, and him with her I There:ould wish myself, you see, that our ain't so much in that, you'11 say. No, ittle Em'ly was in a fair way of being because he takes care on her, like a narried. I could wish to see her, at brother, arter dark, and indeed afore, ill ewents, under articles to a honest dark, and at all times. But this tarnan as had a right to defend her. I paulin chap, he takes hold of her hand, lon't know how long I may live, or and he cries out to me, joyful,'Look low soon I may die; but I know that here I This is to be my little wife!' f I was capsized, any night, in a gale And she says, half bold and half shy, >f wind in Yarmouth Roads here, and and half a laughing and half a crying Nas to see the town-lights shining for'Yes, uncle! If you please.'-If I;he last time over the rollers as I please!" cried Mr. Peggotty, rolling.:ouldn't make no head against, I his head in an ecstasy at the idea;:ould go down quieter for thinking, "Lord, as if I should do anythink There's a man ashore there, iron-true else! -' If you please, I am steadier o my -little Em'ly, God bless her, and now, and I have thought better of it,.o wrong can touch my Em'ly while so and I'11 be as good a little wife as I -e as that man lives!' can to him, for he's a dear, good Mr. Peggotty, in simple earnestness, fellow!' Then Missis Gummidge, she waved his right arm, as if he were wav- claps her hands like a play, and you ing it at the town-lights for the last time, come in. There! the murder's out I" ind then, exchanging a nod with Ham, said Mr. Peggotty. "You come in I whose eye he caught, proceeded as be- It took place this here present hour; Fore. and here's the man that'11 marry her, "t Well I counsels him to speak to the minute she's out of her time." 12 178 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Ham staggered, as well he might, un- induce your gentle niece to come back der the blow Mr. Peggotty dealt him in (for whom I vacate this seat in the his unbounded joy, as a mark of confi- corner), I shall go. Any gap at your dence and friendship; but feeling called fireside on such a night -such a gap upon to say something to us, he said, least of all —I would n't make, for the with much faltering and great difficul- wealth of the Indies! " ty:- So Mr. Peggotty went into my old " She warn't no higher than you was, room to fetch little Em'ly. At first Mas'r Davy-when you first come- little Em'ly didn't like to come; and when I thought what she'd grow up then Ham went. Presently they brought to be. I see her grow up- gentl'men her to the fireside, very much confused. -like a flower. I'd lay down my life and very shy,-but she soon became for her-Mas'r Davy-0, most con- more assured when she found ho-A tent and cheerful! She's more to me gently and respectfully Steerforth spoke -gentl'men- than - she's all to me to her; how skilfully he avoided anythat ever I can want, and more than thing that would embarrass her; hom ever I -than ever I could say. I - he talked to Mr. Peggotty of boats, and I love her true. There ain't a gentl'- ships, and tides, and fish; how he man in all the land -nor yet sailing referred to me about the time when he upon all the sea —that can love his had seen Mr. Peggotty at Salem House. lady more than I love her, though how delighted he was with the boa, there's many a common man-would and all belonging to it; how lightly anc say better-what he meant." easily he carried on, until he brought I thought it affecting to see such a us, by degrees, into a charmed circle. sturdy fellow as Ham was now trem- and we were all talking away withoui bling in the strength of what he felt for any reserve. the pretty little creature who had won Em'ly, indeed, said little all the his heart. I thought the simple con- evening; but she looked, and listened. fidence reposed in us by Mr. Peggotty and her face got animated, and she was and by himself was, in itself, affecting. charming. Steerforth told a story of a I was affected by the story altogether. dismal shipwreck (which arose out o: How far my emotions were influenced his talk with Mr. Peggotty), as if he by the recollections of my childhood, saw it all before him; and little Em'ly's I don't know. Whether I had come eyes were fastened on him all the time, there with any lingering fancy that I as if she saw it too. He told us a was still to love little Em'ly, I don't merry adventure of his own, as a reliej know. I know thatI was filled with to that, with as much gayety as if the pleasure by all this; but at first, with narrative were as fresh to him as it was an indescribably sensitive pleasure, to us; and little Em'ly laughed until that a very little would have changed the boat rang with the musical sounds,' to pain. and we all laughed (Steerforth too), in Therefore, if it had depended upon irresistible sympathy with what was me to touch the prevailing chord among so pleasant and light-hearted. He got them with any skill, I should have Mr. Peggotty to smg, or rather to roar, made a poor hand of it. But it depend- "When the stormy winds do blow, do ed upon Steerforth; and he did it blow, do blow"; and he sang a sailor's with such address that in a few min- song himself, so pathetically and beauutes we were all as easy and as happy tiflly, that I could have almost fancied as it was possible to be. that the real wind creeping sorrowfully "Mr. Peggotty," he said, "you are round the house, and murmuring low a thoroughly good fellow, and deserve through our unbroken silence, was there to be as happy as you are to-night. to listen. My hand upon it! Ham, I give you As to Mrs. Gummidge, he roused joy, my boy. My hand upon that, too that victim of despondency with a sucDaisy, stir the fire, and make it a brisk cess never attained by any one else (so one l and Mr. Peggotty, unless you can Mr. Peggotty informed me), since the ; Ii i ~ \ ao~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~X a~E~~U~f~b,'P ~ ylSJ~V~ ~IA i I~III~III~llli ~lllllh, Vt~d~YP ~IZ\1 il~~~rlii;~ ~ OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. Z79 decease of the old one. He left her so He had been so hearty with him, little leisure for being miserable that and with them all, that 1 felt a shock in she said next day she thought she must this unexpected and cold reply. But have been bewitched. turning quickly upon him, and seeing a But he set up no monopoly of the laugh in his eyes, I answered, much general attention, or the conversation. relieved:When little Em'ly grew more cour- "Ah, Steerforth! It's well for you ageous, and talked (but still bashfully) to joke about -the poor! You may across the fire to me of our old wan- skirmish with Miss Dartle, or try to derings upon the beach, to pick up hide your sympathies in jest from me, shells and pebbles; and when I asked but I know better. When I see how her if she recollected how I used to be perfectly you understand them, how exdevoted to her; and when we both quisitely you can enter into happiness laughed and reddened, casting these like this plain fisherman's, or humor a looks back on the pleasant old times, love like my old nurse's, I know that so unreal to look at now; he was silent there is not a joy or sorrow, not an and attentive, and observed us thought- emotion, of such people, that can be fully: She sat, at this time, and all the ildifferent to you. And I admire and evening, on the old locker in her old love you for it, Steerforth, twenty times little corner by the fire, - Ham beside the more!" her, where I used to sit. I could not He stopped, and, looking in my face, satisfy myself whether it was in her said, " Daisy, I believe you are in earown little tormenting way, or in a nest and are good. I wish we all maidenly reserve before us, that she were!" Next moment he was gayly kept quite close to the wall, and away singing Mr. Peggotty's song, as we from him; but I observed that she did walked at a round pace back to Yarso, all the evening. mouth. As I remember, it was almost midnight when we took our leave. We had had some biscuit and dried fish for CHAPTER XXII. supper, and Steerforth had produced from his pocket a full flask of Hol- SOME OLD SCENES, AND SOME NEW lands, which we men (I may say we PEOPLE. men, now, without a blush) had emptied. We parted merrily; and as they STEERFORTH and I stayed for more all stood crowded round the door to than a fortnight in that part of the light us as far as they could upon our country. We were very much togethroad, I saw the sweet blue eyes of little er, I need not say; but occasionally we Em'ly peeping after us, from behind were asunder for some hours at a time. Ham, and heard her soft voice calling He was a good sailor, and I was but to us to be careful how we went. an indifferent one; and when he went "A most engaging little Beauty!" out boating with Mr. Peggotty, which said Steerforth, taking my arm. was a favorite amusement of his, I gen" Well! It's a quaint place, and they erally remained ashore. My occupaare quaint company; and it's quite ai tion of Peggotty's spare room put a new sensation to mix with them." constraint upon me, from which he was "How fortunate we are, too," I re- free; for, knowing how assiduously she turned, "to have arrived to witness attended on Mr. Barkis all day, I did their happiness in that intended mnar- not like to remain out late at night; riage! I never saw people so happy. whereas Steerforth, lying at the inn, How delightful to see it, and to be had nothing to consult but his own made the sharers in their honest joy, as humor. Thus it came about, that I we have been!" heard of his making little treats for the "That's rather a chuckled-headed fishermen at Mr. Peggotty's house of fellow for the girl, is n't he?" said call, " The Willing Mind," after I was Steerforth. in bed, and of his being afloat, wrapped ,1s PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE in fisherman's clothes, whole moonlight come home to build Ty castles in thie nights, and coming back when the air at a living mother's side. morning tide was at flood. By this There were great changes in my old time, however, I knew that his restless home. The ragged nests, so long nature and bold spirits delighted to find deserted by the rooks, were gone; and a vent in rough toil and hard weather, the frees were lopped and topped out as in any other means of excitement of their remembered shapes. The garthat presented itself freshly to him; so den had run wild, and half the windows none of his proceedings surprised me. of the house were shut up. It was ocAnother cause of our being some- cupied, but only by a poor lunatic gentimes apart was, that I had naturally tleman and the people who took care an interest in going over to Blunder- of him. He was always sitting at my stone, and revisiting the old familiar little window, looking out into the scenes of my childhood; while Steer- churchyard; and I wondered whether forth, after being there once, had natu- his rambling thoughts ever went upon rally no great interest in going there any of the fancies that used to occupy again. Hence, on three or four days mine, on the rosy mornings when I that I can at once recall, we went our peeped out of that same little window several ways after an early breakfast, in my night-clothes, and saw the sheep and met again at a late dinner. I had quietly feeding in the light of the rising no idea how he employed his time in sun. the interval, beyond a general knowl- Our old neighbors, Mr. and Mrs. edge that he was very popular in the Grayper, were gone to South America, place and had twenty means of active- and the rain had made its way through y diverting himself where another man the roof of their empty house, and might not have found one. stained the outer walls. Mr. Chillip For my own part, my occupation in was married again to a tall, raw-boned, my solitary pilgrimages was to recall high-nosed wife; and they had a weaevery yard of the old road as I went zen little baby, with a heavy head that along it, and to haunt the old spots, of it could n't hold up, and two weak starwhich I nevertired. I hauntedthem,as ing eyes, with which it seemed to be my memory had often done, and lingered always wondering why it had ever been among them as my younger thoughts born. had lingered when I was far away. The It was with a singular jumble of sadgrave beneath the tree, where both my ness and pleasure that I used to -linger parents lay, -on which I had looked about my native place, until the redout, when it was my father's only, with, dening winter sun admonished me that such curious feelings of compassion, and. it was time to start on my returning by which I had stood, so desolate, when walk. But when the place was left it was opened to receive my pretty moth- behind, and especially when Steerforth er and her baby, -the grave which and I were happily seated over ourdinPeggotty's own faithful care had ever ner by a blazing fire; it was delicious to since kept neat, and made a garden of, think of having been there. So it was, I walked near, by the hour. It lay though in a softened degree, when I a little off the churchyard path, in a went to my neat room at night, and, quiet corner, not so far removed but I turning over the leaves of the crcodilecould read the names upon the stone as book (which was always there, upon a I walked to and fro, startled by the little table), remembered with a.'atesound of the church-bell when it struck ful heart how blessed I was in having the hour; for it was like a departed such a friend as Steerforth, such a voice to me. My reflections at these friehd as Peggotty, and such a substitimes were always associated with the tute for what I had lost as my excellent figure I was to make in life, and the and generous aunt. distinguished things I was to do. My My nearest way to Yarmouth, in echoing footsteps went to no other tune, coning back from these long walks, but were as constant to that as if I had was by a ferry. It landed me on the OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. z8 flat between the town and the sea, Steerforth, glancing round the room, which I could make straight across, " thinking that all the people we found and so save myself a considerable cir- so glad on the night of our coming down cuit by the high road. Mr. Peggot- might- to judge from the present ty's house being on that waste-place, wasted air of the place - be dispersed, and not a hundred yards out of my or dead, or come to I don't know what track, I always looked in as I went by. harm. David, I wish to God I had Steerforth was pretty sure to be there had a judicious father these last twenty expecting me, and we went on together years " through the frosty air and gathering "My dear Steerforth, what is the fog towards the twinkling lights of the matter? " town. "I wish with' all my soul I had been One dark evening, when I was later better guided!" he exclaimed. "I than usual, - for I had that day been wish with all my soul I could guide my-making my parting visit to Blunder- self better! " stone, as we were now about to return There was a passionate dejection in home, - I found him alone in Mr. Peg- his manner that quite amazed me. He gotty's house, sitting thoughtfully be- was more unlike himself than I could fore the fire. He was so intent upon have supposed possible. his own reflections that he was quite "It would be better to be this poor unconscious of my approach. This, Peggotty, or his lout of a nephew," he -indeed, he might easily have been if he said, getting up and leaning moodily had been less absorbed, for footsteps against the chimney-piece, with his face fell noiselessly on the sandy ground towards the fire, "than to be myself, outside; but even my entrance failed to twenty times richer and twenty times rouse him. I was standing close to wiser, and be the torment to myself that him, looking at him; and still, with a I have been, in this Devil's bark of a heavy brow, he was lost in his medita- boat, within the last half-hour! " tions. I was so confounded by the alteration. He gave such a start, when I put my in him, that at first I could only observe hand upon his shoulder, that he made him in silence, as he stood leaning his me start too. head upon his hand, and looking gloom" You come upon me," he said, ily down at the fire. At length I begged almost angrily, "like a reproachful him, with all the earnestness I felt, to ghost I" tell me what had occurred to cross him " I was obliged to announce myself so unusually, and to let me sympathize somehow," I replied. " Have I called with him, if I could not hope to advise you down from the stars?" him. Before I had well concluded, he "No," he answered. "No." began to laugh -fretfully at first, but " Up from anywhere, then?" said I, soon with returning gayety. taking my seat near him. "Tut, it's nothing, Daisy! noth"I was looking at the pictures in the ing! " he replied. " I told you at the fire," he returned. inn in London, I am heavy company; " But you are spoiling them for me," for myself sometimes. I have been a said I, as he stirred it quickly with a nightmare to myself, just now, - must piece of burning wood, striking out of have had one, I think. At odd dull it a train of red-hot sparks that went times, nursery-tales come up into the careering up the little chimney, and memory, unrecognized for what they roaring out into the air. are. I believe I have been confounding "You would not have seen them," myself with the bad boy who'didn't he returned. "I detest this mongrel care,' and became food for lions, -a time, neither day nor night. How late grander kind of going to the dogs, I you are I Where have you been?" suppose. What old women call the "I have been taking leave of my'horrors' have been creeping over me usual walk," said I. from head to foot. I have been afraid " And I have been sitting here," said of myself." i8a PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "You are afraid of nothing else, I "Ay! there's no help for it, I gupi think," said I. pose," said Steerforth. "I have al"Perhaps not, and yet may have most forgotten that there is anything-o enough to be afraid of too," he answered. do in the world but to go out tossing on "Well! So it goes by! I am not the sea here. I wish there was not. - about to be hipped, again, David; but "As long as the novelty should last," I tell you, my good fellow, once more, said I, laughing. that it would have been well for me "Likeenough, "hereturned; "though (and for more than me) if I had had a there's a sarcastic meaning in that obsteadfast and judicious father! " servation for an amiable piece of innoHis face was always full of expression, cence like my young friend. Well V I but I never saw it express such a dark dare say I am a capricious fellow, Dakind of earnestness as when he said vid. I know I am; but while the iron these words, with his glance bent on is hot, I can strike it vigorously too.: I the fire. could pass a reasonably good examina"So much for that! " he said, mak- tion already, as a pilot in these waters, ing as if he tossed something light into I think." the air, with his hand. "Mr. Peggotty says you area a won" Why, being gone, I am a man again,' der" I returned. "A nautical phenomenon, eh? like Macbeth. And now for dinner! laughed Steerforth. If I have not (Macbeth-like).broken up " Indeed he does, and you know how the feast with most admired disorder, truly; knowing how ardent you are in Daisy." any pursuit you follow, and how easily "But where are they all, I wonder!" you can master it. And that amaies said I. me most in you, Steerforth, -that-you "God knows," said Steerforth. "Af- should be contented with such fitfIl ter strolling to the ferry looking for you, uses of your powers." I strolled in here and found the place "Contented?" he answered, merdeserted. That set me thinking, and rily. "I am never contented, except you found me thinking." with your freshness, my gentle Daisy. The advent of Mrs. Gummidge with As to fitfulness, I have never learnt the -a basket explained how the house had art of binding myself to any of; the happened to be empty. She had hur- wheels on which the Ixions of these ried out to buy something that was days are turning round and round; -I needed against Mr. Peggotty's return missed it somehow in a bad apprenticewith the tide; and had left the door ship, and now don't care about itopen in the mean while, lest Ham and You know I have bought a boat down little Em'ly, with whom it was an early here?" night, should come home while she was "What an extraordinary fellow you gone. Steerforth, after very much im- are, Steerforth!" I exclaimed, stopproving Mrs. Gummidge's spirits by a ping, for this was the first I had heard cheerful salutation and a jocose em- of it. "When you may never care to brace, took my arm and hurried me come near the place again!" away. "I don't know that," he returned. He had improved his own spirits, no "I have taken a fancy to the place. less than Mrs. Gummidge's; for they At all events," walking me briskly on, were again at their usual flow, and he "I have bought a boat that was-for was full of vivacious conversation as we sale,-a clipper, Mr. Peggotty say;; went along. and so she is, - and Mr. Peggotty will " And so," he said, gayly, "we aban- be master of her in my absence.' don this buccaneer life to-morrow, do "Now I understandyou, Steerforth:" we?" said I, exultingly. "You pretend you "So we agreed," I returned; "and have bought it for yourself, but yoi our places by the coach are taken, you have really done so to confer a beefiet know." on him. I might:have known as-~ifeht OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 1L3 at first, knowing you. My dear, kind ly comes! And that fellow with her, S.teerforth, how can I tell you what I eh? Upon my soul, he's a true knight. think of your generosity?" He never leaves her!". "Tush!" he answered, turning red. Ham was a boat-builder in these "The less said, the better." days, having improved a natural inge" Did n't I know?" cried I, -" did nuity in that handicraft, until he had n't I say that there was not a joy, or become a skilled workman. He was in sorrow, or any emotion, of such honest his working-dress, and looked rugged hearts, that was indifferent to you?" enough, but manly withal, and a very - "Ay, ay," he answered, "you told fit protector for the blooming little creame all that. There let it rest; we have ture at his side. Indeed, there was a said enough!" frankness in his face, an honesty, and Afraid of offending him by pursuing an undisguised show of his pride in her, the subject when he made so light of it, and his love for her, which were, to me,. only pursued it in my thoughts as we the best of good looks. I thought, as went on at even a quicker pace than they came towards us, that they were before. well matched, even in that particular. -.'She must be newly rigged," said She withdrew her hand timidly from Steerforth, " and I shall leave Littimer his arm as we stopped to speak to then, behind to see it done, that I may know and blushed as she gave it to Steerforth she is quite complete. Did I tell you and to me. When they passed on, afLittimer had come down?" ter we had exchanged a few words, she "No." did not like to replace that hand, but, " yes I came down this morning, still appearing timid and constrained, with a letter from my mother." walked by herself. I thought all this - As our looks met, I observed that he very pretty and engaging, and Steerforth was pale even to his lips, though he seemed to think so too, as we looked looked very steadily at me. I feared after them fading away in the light of a that some difference between him and young moon. his- mother might have led to his being Suddenly there passed us - evidently in the frame of mind in which I had following them - a young woman whose found him at the solitary fireside. I approach we had not observed, but hinted so. whose face I saw as she went by, and - "0 no " he said, shaking his head, thought I had a faint remembrance of. and giving a slight laugh. "Nothing She was lightly dressed, looked bold of the sort! Yes. He is come down, and haggard and flaunting and poor; that man of mine." but seemed, for the time, to have given "The same as ever? " said I. all that to the wind which was blowing, "The same as ever," said Steerforth. and to have nothing in her mind but "Distant and quiet as the North Pole. going after them. As the dark distant He shall see to the boat being fresh level, absorbing their figures into itself, named. She's the Stormy Petrel now. left but itself visible between us and the What does Mr. Peggotty care for sea and clouds, her figure disappeared Stormy Petrels I I'11 have her chris- in like manner, still no nearer to them tened again." than before. " By what name?" I asked. "That is a black shadow to be fol" The Little Em'ly." lowing the girl," said Steerforth, stand- As he had continued to look steadily ing still; "what does it mean? " at me, I took it as a reminder that he He spoke in a low voice that sounded objected to being extolled for his con- almost strange to me. sideration. I could not help showing "She must have it in her mind to beg in my face how much it pleased me; but of them, I think," said I. I said little, and'he resumed his usual "A beggar would be no novelty," smile, and seemed relieved. said Steerforth; "but it is a strange "But see here," he said, looking be- thing that the beggar should take that fote us, "where the original little Em'- shape to-night." i84 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Why?" I asked him. Mowcher and I were wholly unac" For no better reason, truly, than quainted. because I was thinking," he said, after "Then you shall know her," said a pause, " of something like it, when it Steerforth, " for she is one of the seven came by. Where the devil did it come wonders of the world. When Miss from, I wonder! " Mowcher comes, show her in." "From the shadow of this wall, I I felt some curiosity and excitement think," said I, as we emerged upon a about this lady, especially as Steerforth road on which a wall abutted. burst into a fit of laughing when I re" It's gone! " he returned, looking ferred to her, and positively refused to overhis shoulder. "And all illgowith answer any question of which I made it. Now for our dinner!" her the subject. I remained, therefore, But he looked again over his shoul- in a state of considerable expectation der towards the sea-line glimmering until the cloth had been removed some afar off, and yet again. And he won- half an hour, and we were sitting over dered about it, in some broken expres- our decanter of wine before the fire, sions, several times, in the short remain- when the door opened, and Littimer, der of our walk, and only seemed to with his habitual serenity quite undisforget it when the light of fire and can- turbed, announced, dle shone upon us, seated warm and "Miss Mowcher!" merry, at table. I looked at the doorway and saw nothLittimer was there, and had his usual ing. I was still looking at the doorway, effect upon me. When I said to him, thinking that Miss Mowcher wasa long that I hoped Mrs. Steerforth and Miss while making her appearance, when, to Dartle were well, he answered respect- my infinite astonishment, there came fully (and of course respectably), that waddling round a sofa, which stood bethey were tolerably well, he thanked tween me and it, a pursy dwarf, of about me, and had sent their compliments. forty or forty-five, with a very large head This was all; and yet he seemed to me and face, a pair of roguish gray eyes, to say as plainly as a man could say: and such extremely little arms, that, to "You are very young, sir; you are ex- enable herself to lay a finger archly ceedingly young." against her snub nose as she ogled We had almost finished dinner, when, Steerforth, she was obliged to meet the taking a step or two towards the table, finger half-way, and lay her nose against from the corner where he kept watch it. Her chin, which was what is called upon us, or rather upon me, as I felt, a double chin, was so fat that it entirely he said to his master, - swallowed up the strings of her bonnet, " I beg your pardon, sir. Miss Mow- bow and all. Throat she had none; cher is down here." waist she had none; legs she had none, "Who? " cried Steerforth, much as- worth mentioning; for though she was tonished. more than full-sized down to where her "Miss Mowcher, sir." waist would have been, if she had had "Why, what on earth does she do any, and though she terminated, as huhere?" said Steerforth. man beings generally do, in a pair of " It appears to be her native part of feet, she was so short that she stood at a the country, sir. She informs me that common-sized chair as at a table, resting she makes one of her professional visits a bag she carried on the seat. This here, every year, sir. I met her in the lady, dressed in an off-hand, easy street this afternoon, and she wished to style, bringing her nose and her foreknow if she might have the honor of finger together, with the difficulty I waiting on you after dinner, sir." have described, standing with her head "Do you know the giantess in ques- necessarily on one side, and with one tion, Daisy?" inquired Steerforth. of her sharp eyes shut up, making I was obliged to confess —I felt an uncommonly knowing face, after ashamed, even of being at this disad- ogling Steerforth for a few moments, vantage before Littimer-that Miss broke into a torrent of words. =,i'C`L-C =;i L- — —-=;l ---— -i "z — s-—: — ;~~ \ - --- -;.r.;2_;- -rEm /,_/?'~/-R\"P'I ;L'fBZXW\\\\\\\,\\\;~ s 1Bli Ch_ 7Ij s " i ii~''Ii II.\i 5- r R:i 3~k-,.~ J`iV r sc-;-L ~( 9:j~rr ~\3L' ~I c= '-l —-;r-;;-"= —-- —; —:r. —-r_ MISS MOCHER. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 1x5 "What t My flower!" she pleasant- "What were you doing for Lady ly began, shaking her large head at Mithers?" asked Steerforth. him. "You're there, are you! O "That's tellings, my blessed infant," you naughty boy: fie for shame! what she retorted, tapping her nose again, do you do so far away from home? Up screwing up her face, and twinkling her to mischief, I'11 be bound. 0, you're eyes like an imp of supernatural intela downy fellow, Steerforth, so you are, ligence. "Never you mind! You'd and I'm another, ain't I? Ha, ha, ha! like to know whether I stop her hair You'd have betted a hundred pound from falling off, or dye it, or touch up to five, now, that you wouldn't have her complexion, or improve her eyeseen me here, wouldn't you? Bless brows, wouldn't you? And so you you, man alive, I'm everywhere. I'm shall, my darling, -when I tell you! here and there and where not, like the Do you know what my great-grandfaconjurer's half-crown in the lady's han- ther's name was? " kercher. Talking of hankerchers,- "No," said Steerforth. and talking of ladies, - what a comfort "It was Walker, my sweet pet," reyou are to your blessed mother, ain't plied Miss Mowcher, "and he came of you% my dear boy, over one of my shoul- a long line of Walkers, that I inherit ders, and I don't say which! " all the Hookey estates from." Miss Mowcher untied her bonnet at I never beheld anything approaching this passage of her discourse, threw to Miss Mowcher's wink, except Miss back the strings, and sat down, pant- Mowcher's self-possession. She had a ing, on a footstool, in front of the fire, - wonderful way, too, when listening to making a kind of arbor of the dining- what was said to her, or when waiting table, which spread its mahogany shel- for an answer to what she had said herter above her head. self, of pausing with her head cunningly " 0 my stars and what's-their- on one side, and one eye turned up names! " she went on, clapping a hand like a magpie's. Altogether I was lost on each of her little knees, and glancing in amazement, and sat staring at her, shrewdly at me. "I'm of too full a quite oblivious, I am afraid, of the laws habit, that's the fact, Steerforth. After of politeness. a flight of stairs, it gives me as much She had by this time drawn the chair trouble to draw every breath I want, as to her side, and was busily engaged if it was a bucket of water. If you saw in producing from the bag (plungng me looking out of an upper window, in her short arm to the shoulder, at you'd think I was a fine woman, would every dive) a number of small bottles, n't you?" sponges, combs, brushes, bits of flan" I should think that, wherever I saw nel, little pairs of curling-irons, and you," replied Steerforth. other instruments, which she tumbled " Go along, you dog, do!" cried the in a heap upon the chair. From this little creature, making a whisk at him employment she suddenly desisted, and with the handkerchief with which she said to Steerforth, much to my conwas wiping her face, "and don't be fusion,impudent! But I give you my word "Who's your friend?" and honor I was at Lady Mithers's last "Mr. Copperfield," said Steerforth; week — there's a woman. How she "he wants to know you." wears! - and Mithers himself came in- " Well, then, he shall! I thought he to the room where I was waiting for looked as if he did!" returned Miss her-there's a man! How he wears! Mowcher, waddling up to me, bag in and his wig too, for he's had it these hand, and laughing on me as she came. ten years - and he went on at that rate " Face like a peach!" standing on tipin the complimentary line, that I be- toe to pinch my cheek as I sat. " Quite gan to think I should be obliged to tempting! I'm very fond of peaches. ring the bell. Ha! ha! ha! He's Happy to make your acquaintance, Mr. a pleasant wretch, but he wants prin- Copperfield, I'm sure." cile." I said that I congratulated myself on x86 PERSONAL HISTORY ANLD EXPERIENCE having the honor to make hers, and that genteel sort, than all my talents put the happiness was mutual. together. I always carry'em about. "0 my goodness, how polite we They're the best introduction. If is' are!" exclaimed Miss Mowcher, mak- Mowcher cuts the Prince's nails, she ing a preposterous attempt to cover her must be all right. I give'em away to large face with her morsel of a hand. the young ladies. They put'em in al" What a world of gammon and spin- bums, I believe. Ha! ha! ha! Upon nage it is, though, ain't it! " my life,'the whole social system' (as This was addressed confidentially to the men call it when they make speeches both of us, as the morsel of a hand came in Parliament) is a system of Prince's away from the face, and buried itself, nails! " said this least of women, trying arm and all, in the bag again. to fold her short arms, and nodding her "What do you mean, Miss Mow- large head. cher?" said Steerforth. Steerforth laughed heartily, and I " Ha! ha! ha! What a refreshing set laughed too. Miss Mowcher continuof humbugs we are, to be sure, ain't we, ing all the time to shake her head my sweet child?" replied that morsel (which was very much on one side), and of a woman, feeling in the bag with her to look into the air with one eye, and head on one side and her eye in the air. to wink with the other. " Look here!" taking something out. "Well, well! " she said, smiting her "Scraps of the Russian Prince's nails! small knees, and rising, "this -is not Prince Alphabet turned topsy-turvy, I business. Come, Steerforth, let's excall him, for his name's got all the letters plore the polar regions, andhave it over." in it, higgledy-piggledy." She then selected two or three of the "The Russian Prince is a client of little instruments and a little bottle, yours, is he?" said Steerforth. and asked (to my surprise) if the table " I believe you, my pet, "replied Miss would bear. On Steerforth's replying Mowcher. "I keep his nails in order in the affirmative, she pushed a chair for him. Twice a week! Fingers and against it, and, begging the assistance toes!" of my hand, mounted up, pretty nimblyi "He pays well, I hope?" said Steer- to the top, as if it were a stage. forth. "If either of you saw my ankles," she "Pays as he speaks, my dear child — said, when she was safely elevated, through the nose," replied Miss Mow- "say so, and I'11 go home and destroy cher. "None of your close shavers the myself." Prince ain't. You'd say so, if you saw "I did not," said Steerforth. his moustachios. Red by nature, black "I did not," said I. by art." "Well, then," cried Miss Mowcher, "By your art, of course," said Steer- "I'11 consent to live. Now, ducky, forth. ducky, ducky, come to Mrs. Bond and Miss Mowcher winked assent. be killed." "Forced to send for me. Could n't help This was an invocation to Steerforth it. The climate affected his dye; it did to place himself under her hands; who, very well in Russia, but it was no go accordingly, sat himself down, with his here. You never saw such a rusty back to the table, and his laughing face Prince in all your born days as he was. towards me, and submitted his head to Like old Iron!" her inspection, evidently for no other "Is that why you called him a hum- purpose than our entertainment. To see bug just now?" inquired Steerforth. Miss Mowcher standing over him, look"0, you're a broth of a boy, ain't ing at his rich profusion of brown hair you? " returned Miss Mowcher, shaking through a large round magnifying-glassi her head violently. " I said what-a set which she took out of her pocket, -was a of humbugs we were in general, and I most amazing spectacle. showed you the scraps of the Prince's "You're a pretty fellow!" said Miss nails to prove it. The Prince's nails do Mowcher, after a brief inspectiong more for me in private families of the "You'd be as bald as a friar;oe-'lt OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 187 top of your head in twelve months, but - sharp's -the word, my dear boyfor me. Just half a minute, my young never mind! " fiikd, and we'11 give you a polishing "In what way do you mean? In that shall keep your curls on for the the rouge way? " said Steerforth. next ten years! " "Put this and that together, my With this, she tilted some of the con- tender pupil," returned the wary Mowtents of the little bottle on to one of the cher, touching her nose, "work it by little bits of flannel, and, again impart- the rule of Secrets in all trades, and ing some of the virtues of that prepara- the product will give you the desired tion to one of the little brushes, began result. I say I do a little in that way rubbing and scraping away with both myself. One Dowager, she calls it lipon the crown of Steerforth's head, in the salve. Another, she calls it gloves. busiest manner I ever witnessed, talking Another, she calls it tucker-edging. all the time. Another, she calls it a fan. I call it " There's Charley Pyegrave, the whatever they call it. I supply it for duke's son," she said. "You know'em, but we keep up the trick so, to Charley?" peeping round into his face. one another, and make believe with "A little," said Steerforth. such a face, that they'd as soon think "What a man he is! There's a of laying it on, before a whole drawingwhisker! As to Charley's legs, if they room, as before me. And when I wait were only a pair (which they ain't), upon'em, they'11 say to me sometimes they'd defy competition. Would you - with it on - thick, and no mistake - believe he tried to do without me, -in'How am I looking, Mowcher? Am the Life-Guards, too?" I pale?' Ha! ha! ha! ha! Isn't i Mad!" said Steerforth. that refreshing, my young friend!" " It looks like it. However, mad or I never did in my days behold anysane, he tried," returned Miss Mow- thing like Mowcher as she stood upon cher. " What does he do, but, lo and the dining-table, intensely enjoying this behold you, he goes into a perfumer's refreshment, rubbing busily at Steershop; and wants to buy a bottle of the forth's head, and winking at me over Madagascar Liquid." it. " Charley does?" said Steerforth. "Ah! " she said. " Such things are "Charley does. But they have n't not nluch in demand hereabouts. That got-any of the Madagascar Liquid." sets me off again! I haven't seen a "What is it? Something to drink?" pretty woman since I've been here, asked Steerforth. Jemmy." "To drink?" returned Miss Mow- " No?" said Steerforth. cher, stopping to slap his cheek. " To " Not the ghost of one," replied Miss doctor his own moustachios with, you Mowcher. know. There was a woman in the "We could show her the substance shop-elderly female-quite a Grif- of one, I think?" said Steerforth, fin- who had never even heard of it by addressing his eyes to mine. "Ehb name.'Begging pardon, sir,' said the Daisy?" Griffin to Charley,'it's not -not-not "Yes, indeed," said I. sOUGcE, is it?''Rouge,' said Charley "Aha?" cried the little creature, to the Griffin.'What the unmention- glancing sharply at my face, and then able to ears polite do you think I want peepingroundatSteerforth's. "Umph?" with rouge?''No offence, sir,' said The first exclamation sounded like a the Griffin;'we have it asked for by question put to both of us, and the so many names, I thought it might be.' second like a question put to Steerforth Now that, my child," continued Miss only. She seemed to have found no Mowcher, rubbing all the time as busily answer to either, but continued to rub, as ever, "is another instance of the with her head on one side and her eye PfBeshing humbug I was speaking of. turned up, as if she were looking for an I 4- something in that way myself- answer i} the air, and were confident perhaps a good deal - perhaps a little of its appearing presently. i88 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "A sister of yours, Mr. Copper- would not like, I would add, that to ne field?" she cried, after a pause, and she seems to be throwing herselfaway; still keeping the same look-out. "Ay, that I am sure she might do better,; ay!" and that I swear she was born to be a " No," said Steerforth, before I could lady." reply. "Nothing of the sort. On the Miss Mowcher listened to these contrary, Mr. Copperfield used-or I words, which were very slowly and disam much mistaken —to have a great tinctly spoken, with her head on one admiration for her." side, and her eye in the air, as if she "Why hasn't he now?" returned were still looking for that answer. Miss Mowcher. "Is he fickle? 0 for When he ceased she became brisk again shame! Did he sip every flower, and in an instant, and rattled away with sui — change every hour, until Polly his pas- prising volubility. sion requited?-Is her name Polly?" "Oh! And that's all about it, is The elfin suddenness with which she it?" she exclaimed, trimming his pounced upon me with this question, whiskers with a little restless pair o and a searching look, quite disconcerted scissors, that went glancing round hi, me for a moment. head in all directions. "Very well "No, Miss Mowcher," I replied. very well! Quite a long story. Ough "Her name is Emily." to end,'And they lived happy ever after " Aha? " she cried exactly as before. wards'; ought n't it? Ah! What's tha "Umph? What a rattle I am? Mr. game at forfeits? I love my love witl Copperfield, ain't I volatile?" an E, because she's enticing; I hatt Her tone and look implied something her with an E, because she's engaged that was not agreeable to me in connec- I took her to the sign of the exquisite tion with the subject. So I said, in a and treated her with an elopement, he: graver manner than any of us had yet name's Emily, and she lives in thi assumed, -east? Ha! ha! ha! Mr. Copperfield "She is as virtuous as she is pretty. ain't I volatile?" She is engaged to be married to a most Merely looking at me with extrava worthy and deserving man in her own gant slyness, and not waiting for an; station of life. I esteem her for her reply, she continued, without drawing good sense, as much as I admire her for breath, - her good looks." "There! If ever any scapegract "Well said!" cried Steerforth. was trimmed and touched up to perfec " Hear, hear, hear! Now I'11 quench tion, you are, Steerforth. If I under the curiosity of this little Fatima, my stand any noddle in the world, I under dear Daisy, by leaving her nothing to stand yours. Do you hear me when i guess at. She is at present apprenticed, tell you that, my darling? I understani Miss Mowcher, or articled, or whatever yours," peeping down into his face it may be, to Omer and Joram, Haber- "Now you may mizzle, Jemmy (as we dashers, Milliners, and so forth, in this say at court), and if Mr. Copperfiel( town. Do you observe? Omer and will take the chair I'11 operate o Joram. The promise of which my him." friend has spoken is made and entered "What do you say, Daisy?" in into with her cousin; Christian name, quired Steerforth, laughing, andresign Ham; surname, Peggotty; occupation, ing his seat. " Will yoube improved?' boat-builder; also of this town. She "Thank you, Miss Mowcher, no lives with a relative; Christian name, this evening." unknown; surname, Peggotty; occupa- "Doti't say no," returned the littli tion, seafaring; also of this town. She woman, looking at me with the aspec is the prettiest and most engaging little of a connoisseur; "a little bit mrn fairy in the world. I admire her- as eyebrow? my friend does-exceedingly. Ifitwere "Thaik you," I returned, "som, not that I might appear to disparage other time." her Intended, which I know my friend " Have it carried half a quarter of at OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. x1 inch towards the temple," said Miss With the bag slung over her arm, Mowcher. "We can do it in a fort- and rattling as she waddled away, she night." waddled to the door; where she stopped "No, I thank you. Not at pres- to inquire if she should leave us a lock ent."' of her hair. "Ain't I volatile?" she "Go in for a tip," she urged. "No? added, as a commentary on this offer, Let's get the scaffolding up then for a and, with her finger on her nose, depair of whiskers. Come!" parted. I could not help blushing as I de- Steerforth laughed to that degree, elined, for I felt we were on my weak that it was impossible for me to help point now. But Miss Mowcher, finding laughing too; though I am not sure I that I was not at present disposed for should have done so, but for this inany decoration within the range of her ducement. When we had had our art, and that I was, for the time being, laugh quite out, which was after some proof against the blandishments of the time, he told me that Miss Mowcher small bottle which she held up before had quite an extensive connection, and one eye to enforce her persuasions, said made herself useful to a variety of peowe would make a beginning on an early ple in a variety of ways. Some people day, and requested the aid of my hand trifled with her as a mere oddity, he todescend from her elevated station. said; but she was as shrewdly and Thus assisted, she skipped down with sharply observant as any one he knew, much agility, and began to tie her and as long-headed as she was shortdouble chin into her bonnet. armed. He told me that what she " The fee," said Steerforth, "is-" had said of being here, and there, and " Five bob," replied Miss Mowcher, everywhere was true enough; for she "and dirt cheap, my chicken. Ain't I made little darts into the provinces, and volatile, Mr. Copperfield?" seemed to pick up customers every-I replied politely, "Not at all." where, and to know everybody. I But I thought she was rather so, when asked him what her disposition was;' she tossed up his two half-crowns like a whether it was at all mischievous, and goblin pieman, caught them, dropped if her sympathies were generally on the them in her pocket, and gave it a loud right side of things; but, not succeed-'slap. ing in attracting his attention to these. —" That's the Till!" observed Miss questions after two or three attempts, I Mowcher, standing at the chair again, forbore or forgot to repeat them. He and replacing in the bag a miscellane- told me instead, with much rapidity,,qus collection of little objects she had a good deal about her skill, and her emptied out of it. "Have I got all profits; and about her being a scientific nmy traps? It seems so. It won't do to cupper, if I should ever have occasion be like long Ned Beadwood, when they for her services in that capacity. took him to church'to marry him to She was the principal theme of our somebody,' as he says, and left the conversation during the evening: and bride behind. Ha! ha! ha! A wick- when we parted for the night Steerforth ed rascal, Ned, but droll! Now, I called after me over the banisters, know I'mgoing to break your hearts, "Bob swore! " as I went down stairs. but I am forced to leave you. You I was surprised, when I came to Mr. must-call up all your fortitude, and try Barkis's house, to find Ham walking up to bear it. Good by, Mr. Copperfield! and down in front of it, and still more Take care of yourself, Jockey of Nor- surprised to learn from him that little folk l How I have been rattling on! Em'ly was inside. I naturally inquired It's all the fault of you two wretches. why he was not there too, instead of I. forgive you!'Bob swore!' as the pacing the streets by himself? Englishman said for' Good night,' when "Why, you see, Mas'r Davy," he he first learnt French, and thought it rejoined, in a hesitating manner, " Em'so like English.' Bob swore,' my ly, she's talking to some'un in here." ducks I" "I should have thought," said I, 190 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE smiling, "that that was a reason for earnestness, "he courldn't, kind-natur'd, your being in here too, Ham." tender-hearted as he is, see them two "Well, Mas'r Davy, in a general together, side by side, for all the treasway, so't would be," he returned; ures that's wrecked in the sea." "but look'ee here, Mas'r Davy," low- I felt how true this was. I knew it, ering his voice, and speaking very on the instant, quite as well as Ham. gravely. "It's a young woman, sir, - " So Em'ly writes in pencil on a bit a young woman that Em'ly know'd of paper," he pursued, "and gives itto once, and doen't ought to know no her out o' window to bring here.'Show more." that,' she says,'to my aunt Mrs. BarWhen I heard these words, a light kis, and she'11 set you down by her fire, began to fall upon the figure I had seen for the love of me, till uncle is gone out, following them, some hours ago. and I can come.' By and by she tells," It's a poor wurem, Mas'r Davy," me what I tell you, Mas'r Davy, and said Ham, "as is trod under foot by all asks me to bring her. What can I do? the town. Up street and down street. She doen't ought to know any such, The mowld o' the churchyard don't but I can't deny her, when the tears hold any that the folk shrink away is on her face." from, more." He put his hand into the breast of his "'Did I see her to-night, Ham, on shaggy jacket, and took out with great the sands, after we met you?" care a pretty little purse. " Keeping us in sight?" said Ham. "And if I could deny her when the "It's like you did, Mas'r Davy. Not tears was on her face, Mas'r Davy," said that I know'd then, she was theer, sir, Ham, tenderly adjusting it on the rough but along of her creeping soon arter- palm of his hand, "how could I deny wards under Em'ly's little winder, her when she give me this to carry for when she see the light come, and her - knowing what she brought it for? whisp'ring,' Em'ly, Em'ly, for Christ's Such a toy as it is I" said Ham, sake, have a woman's heart towards thoughtfully looking on it. " With me. I was once like you!' Those such a little money in it, Em'ly- my was solemn words, Mas'r Davy, fur to dear!" hear!" I shook him warmly by the hand when "They were indeed, Ham. What he had put it away again, - for that wat did Em'ly do? " more satisfactory to me than saying arty"Says Em'ly,'Martha, is it you? thing,-and we walked up and down, O Martha, can it be you!'-for they for a minute or two, in silence. The had sat at work together, many a day, door opened then, and Peggotty ap. at Mr. Omer's." peared, beckoning to Ham to come in. "I recollect her now!" cried I, re- I wduld have kept away, but she caam calling one of the two girls I had seen after me, entreating me to come in when I first went there. "I recollect too. Even then, I would have avoided her quite well!" the room where they all were, but for its "Martha Endell," said Ham. "Two being the neat-tiled kitchen I have menor three year older than Em'ly, but was tioned more than once. The door open' at the school with her." ing immediately into it, I found mysetf "I never heard her name," said I. among them, before I considered whith2 "I'didn't mean to interrupt you." er I was going. "For the matter o' that, Mas'r Da- The girl - the same I had seen upon vy," replied Ham, " all's told a'most in the sands -was near the fire. She was them words,' Em'ly, Em'ly, for Christ's sitting on the ground, with her head and sake, have a woman's heart towards me. one arm lying on a chair. I fancied, I was once like you!' She wanted to from the disposition of her figure, thati speak to Em'ly. Em'ly could n't speak Em'ly had but newly risen from the to her theer, for her loving uncle was chair, and that the forlorn head might come home, and he wouldn't-no, perhaps have been lying on her lap. t Mas'r Davy," said Ham, with great saw but little of the girl's face, over OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. g19 which her hair fell loose and scattered, him say. " I have n't noa in all the as if she had been disordering it with wureld that ain't your, mty dear. It her own hands; but I saw that she ain't of no delight to me, except for was young, and of a fair complexion. you! " Peggotty had been crying. So had lit- The tears rose freshly in her eyes, but tle Em'ly. Not a word was spoken she turned away and went to Martha. when we first went in; and the Dutch What she gave her, I don't know. I clock by the dresser seemed, in the si- saw her stooping over her, and putting lence, to tick twice as loud as usual. money in her bosom. She whispered Em'ly spoke first. something, and asked was that enough? "Martha wants," she said to Ham, "More than enough," the other said, "to go to London." and took her hand and kissed it. "Why to London?" returned Ham. Then Martha arose, and gathering He stood between them, looking on her shawl about her, covering her face the prostrate girl with a mixture of com- with it, and weeping aloud, went slowly passion for her, and of jealousy of her to the door. She stopped a moment hlding any companionship with her before going out, as if she would have whom he loved so well, which I have uttered something or turned back; but always remembered distinctly. They no word passed her lips. Making the both spoke as if she were ill; in a soft, same low, dreary, wretched moaning in suppressed tone that was plainly heard, her shawl, she went away. although it hardly rose above a whis- As the door closed, little Em'ly looked per. at us three in a harried manner, and "Better there than here," said a third then hid her face in her hands, and fell voice aloud, - Martha's, though she did to sobbing. not move. " No one knows me there. "Doen't, Em'ly!" said Ham, tapping Everybody knows me here." her gently on the shoulder. "Doen't, " What will she do there?" inquired my dear! You doen't ought to cry so, Ham. pretty!" She lifted up her head, and looked "O Ham!" she exclaimed, still darkly round at him for a moment; weeping pitifully, " I am not as good a then laid it down again, and curved girl as I ought to be! I know I have her right arm about her neck, as a not the thankful heart sometimes I woman in a fever, or in an agony of ought to have!" patn from a shot, might twist herself. " Yes, yes, you have, I'msure," said' She will try to do well," said little Ham. Em'ly. "You don't know what she has "No! no! no!" cried little Em'ly, said to us. Does he-do they- sobbing and shaking her head. "I am aunt?" not as good a girl as I ought to be. Not Peggotty shook her head compassion- near! not near! " ately. And still she cried as if her heart "'11 try," said Martha, "if you'11 would break. help me away. I never can do worse "I try your love too much. I know than I have done here. I may do I do!" she sobbed. "I am often cross better. Oh I" with a dreadful shiver, to you, and changeable with you, when "take me out of these streets, where I ought to be far different. You are the whole town knows me from a never so to me. Why am I ever so to hild-!" you, when I should think of nothing, Asi Ewm'ly held out her hand to Ham, but how to be grateful, and to makeyou I saw him put in it a little canvas bag. happy!" She took it, as if she thought it were her "You always make me so," said purse, and made a step or two forward: Ham, "my dear! I am happy in the but finding her mistake, came back to sight of you. I am happy, all day long, where he had retired near me, and in the thoughts of you." showed it to him. " Ah I that's not enough! "she cried.' It's all yourn, Em'ly," I could hear " That is because you are good; not [9A PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE because I am I 0 my dear, it might When they went away together, in ths have been a better fortune for you, if waning moonlight, and I looked after you had been fond of some one else, - them, comparing their departure in my of some one steadier and much worthier mind with Martha's, I saw that she held than me, who was all bound up in his arm with both her hands, and still you, and never vain and changeable kept close to him. like me I" " Poor little tender-heart," said Ham, in a low voice. " Martha has overset her, altogether." CHAPTER XXIII. "Please, aunt," sobbed Em'ly, "come here, and let me lay my head upon you. I CORROBORATE MR. DICK, AND CHOOSE, 0, I am very miserable to-night, aunt! A PROFESSION. 0, I am not as good a girl as I ought to be. I am not, I know!" WHEN I awoke in the morning I Peggotty had hastened to the chair thought very much of little Em'ly, and before the fire. Em'ly with her arms her emotion last night, after Martha around her neck, kneeled by her, look- had left. I felt as if I had come into. ing up most earnestly into her face. the knowledge of those domestic weak" 0, pray, aunt, try to help me! nesses and tendernesses in a sacred conHam, dear, try to help me! Mr. Da- fidence, and that to disclose them, even vid, for the sake of old times, do, please, to Steerforth, would be wrong. I had try to help me! I want to be a better no gentler' feeling towards any one girl than I am. I want to feel a hun- than towards the pretty creature who dred times more thankful than I do. I had been my playmate, and whom I want to feel more, what a blessed thing have always been persuaded, and shall it is to be the wife of a good man, and always be persuaded, to my dying day, to lead a peaceful life. 0 me, 0 me! I then devotedly loved. The repeti0 my heart, hearteart! " tion to any ears — even to Steerforth's She dropped her face on my old -of what she had been unable to renurse's breast, and, ceasing this suppli- press when her heart lay open to me cation, which in its agony and grief was by an accident, I felt would be a rough half a woman's, half a child's, as all deed, unworthy of myself, unworthy of her manner was (being, in that, more the light of our pure childhood, which natural, and better suited to her beauty, I always saw encircling her head. I as I thought, than any other manner made a resolution, therefore, to keep it could have been), wept silently, while in my own breast; and there it gave my old nurse hushed her like an in- her image a new grace. fant. While we were at breakfast a letter She got calmer by degrees, and then was delivered to me from my aunt. As we soothed her; now talking encour- it contained matter on which I thought agingly, and now jesting a little with Steerforth could advise me as well as her, until she began to raise her head any one, and on which I knew I should and speak to us. So we got on, un- be delighted to consult him, I resolved til she was able to smile, and then to to make it a subject of discussion on laugh, and then to sit up half ashamed; our journey home. For the present we while Peggotty recalled her stray ring- had enough to do, in taking leave of all lets, dried her eyes, and made her neat our friends. Mr. Barkis was far from again, lest her uncle should wonder, being the last among them, in his regret when she got home, why his darling had at our departure; and I believe would been crying. even have opened the box again, and I saw her do, that night, what I had sacrificed another guinea, if it would never seen her do before. I saw her have kept us eight-and-forty hours in innocently kiss her chosen husband on Yarmouth. Peggotty and all her famthe cheek, and creep close to his bluff ily were full of gnef'at our going. The form as if it were her best support. whole house of Omer and jpram turned OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 193 6ut:to bid us good by; and there were you'll see a flat country, with a good so many seafaring volunteers in attend- deal of marsh in it; look to the left, ance on Steerforth, when our portman- and you'11 see the same. Look to the teans went to the coach, that if we had front, and you'll find no difference; had the baggage of a regiment with us, look to the rear, and there it is still." we should hardly have wanted porters I laughed, and replied that 1 saw no to carry it. In a word, we departed to suitable profession in the whole pros-:he regret and admiration of all con- pect; which was perhaps to be attrib-:erned, and left a great many people uted to its flatness. very sorry behind us. "What savs our aunt on the sub"Do you stay long here, Littimer?" ject?" inquired Steerforth, glancing at;aid I, as he stood waiting to see the the letter in my hand. "Does she sug-:oach start. gest anything?" "No, sir," he replied; "probably "Why, yes," said I. "She asks me, lot very long, sir." here, if I think I should like to be a "He can hardly say just now," ob- proctor? What do you think ofit?" erved Steerforth, carelessly. "He "Well, I don't know," replied Steer-;nows what he has to do, and he'11 do forth, coolly. "You may as well do t." that as anything else, I suppose?" "That I am sure he will," said I. I could not help laughing again, at Littimer touched his hat in acknowl- his balancing all callings and profesdgment of my good opinion, and I felt sions so equally; and I told him so. bout eight years old. He touched it "What is a proctor, Steerforth?" nee more, wishing us a good journey; said I. nd we left him standing on the pave- "Why, he is a sort of monkish atietit, as respectable a mystery as any torney," replied Steerforth.- "He is,,yramid in Egypt. to some faded courts held in Doctors' For some little time we held no con- Commons, -a lazy old nook near St. ersation, Steerforth being unusually Paul's Churchyard, -what solicitors are ilent, and I being sufficiently engaged to the courts of law and equity. HIe is wondering, within myself, when I a functionary whose existence, in the hould see the old places again, and natural course of things, would have,hat new changes might happen to me terminated about two hundred years r them in the mean while. At length ago. I can tell you best what he is, by.teerforth, becoming gay and talkative telling you what Doctors' Commons is. a moment, as he could become any- It's a little out-of-the-way place, where ling he liked at any moment, pulled they administer what is called ecclesile by the arm, - astical law, and play all kinds of tricks " Find a voice, David. What about with obsolete old monsters of acts of ie letter you were speaking of at break- Parliament, which three fourths of the ast?" world know nothing about, and the "O," said I, taking it out of my other fourth supposes to have been dug ocket. " It's from my aunt." up, in a fossil state, in the days of the "And what does she say requiring Edwards. It's a place that has an anvnsideration?" cient monopoly in suits about people's "Why, she reminds me, Steerforth," wills and people's marriages, and dislid I,' that I came out on this expedi- putes among ships and boats." on to look about me, and to think a "Nonsense, Steerforth!" I exttle." claimed. "You don't mean to say that " Which of course you have done?" there is any affinity between nautical "Indeed I can't say I have particu- matters and ecclesiastical matters?" trly. To tell you the truth, I am " I don't, indeed, my dear boy," he fraid I had forgotten it." returned; "but I mean to say that they " Well! look about you now, and are managed and decided by the same lake up for your negligence," said set of people, down in that same Docteerforth. "Look to the right, and tors Commons. You shall go there i3 t94 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE one day, and find them blundering Daisy, my advice is that you take.kldn through half the nautical terms in ly to Doctors' Commons." Young's Dictionary, apropos of the I quite made up my mind to do so. Nancy' having run down the'Sarah I then told Steerforth that my aunt was Jane,' or Mr. Peggotty and the Yar- in town awaiting me (as I found from mouth boatmen having put off in a gale her letter), and that she had taken of wind with an anchor and cable to lodgings for a week at a kind of private the'Nelson' Indiaman in distress; hotel in Lincoln's Inn Fields, where and you shall go there another day, there was a stone staircase, and a conand find them deep in the evidence, venient door in the roof; my aunt being pro and con., respecting a clergyman firmly persuaded that every house ir who has misbehaved himself; and you London was going to be burnt dowr shall find the judge in the nautical case every night. the advocate in the clergyman's case, We achieved the rest of our journe3 or contrariwise. They are like actors: pleasantly, sometimes recurring to Doc. now a man's a judge, and now he is tors' Commons, and anticipating' th( not a judge; now he's one thing, now distant days when I should be a proc he's another; now he's something tor there, which Steerforth pictured ii else, change and change about; but a variety of humorous and whimsica it's always a very pleasant profitable lights, that made us both merry. Whet little affair of private theatricals, pre- we came to our journey's end, he wen sented to an uncommonly select audi- home, engaging to call upon me nex ence." day but one; and I drove to Lincoln': "But advocates and proctors are not Inn Fields, where I found my aunt up one and the same?" said I, a little and waiting supper. puzzled. "Are they?" If I had been round the world sino "No," returned Steerforth, "the ad- we parted, we could hardly have beet vocates are civilians, - men who have better pleased to meet again. My aun taken a doctor's degree' at college, - cried outright as she embraced me, am which is the first reason of my knowing said, pretending to laugh, that if -i' anything about it. The proctors em- poor mother had been alive, that sil.; ploy the advocates. Both get very little creature would have shed tear comfortable fees, and altogether they she had no doubt. make a mighty snug little party. On "So you have left Mr. Dick behind the whole I would recommend you to aunt?" said I. "I am sorry for. that take to Doctors' Commons kindly, Da- Ah, Janet, how do you do? " vid. They plume themselves on their AsJanetcourtesied, hoping IwasweBl gentility there, I can tell you, if that's I observed my aunt's visage lengthey any satisfaction." very much. I made allowance for Steerforth's "I am sorry for it, too," said m light way of treating the subject, and aunt, rubbing her nose. "I have ha, considering it with reference to the no peace of mind, Trot, since I hay staid' air of gravity and antiquity. which been here." I associated with that "lazy old nook Before I could ask why, she told me near St. Paul's Churchyard," did not "I am convinced," said my-asni feel indisposed towards my aunt's sug- laying her hand with melancholy firm gestion; which she left to my free deci- ness on the table, " that Dick's charac sion, making no scruple of telling me ter is not a character to keep the-do that it had occurred to her, on her late- keys off. I am confident he want ly visiting her own proctor in Doctors' strength of purpose. I ought to hav Commons for the purpose of settling left Janet at home, instea, atnd tie her will in my favor. my mind might perhaps havt been'l a "That's a laudable proceeding on ease. If ever there was a donkey ties the part of.our aunt, at all events," said passing oh my green," said n:at i Steerforth, when I mentioned. it; "and with emphasis, there was one nte esarving of all enourtaggemeit. Gsaun at fou o'clock A c. ii: i:. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 95 came over me from head to foot, and I gown back over her knees, these being know it was a donkey I" her usual preparations for warming herI tried to comfort her on this point, self before going to bed. I then made but she rejected consolation. her, according to certain established "It was a donkey," said my aunt; regulations, from which no deviation, " and it was the one with the stumpy however slight, could ever be permitted, tail which that Murdering sister of a a glass of hot white wine and water, woman rode, when she came to my and a slice of toast cut into long thin house." This had been, ever since, the strips. With these accompaniments only name my aunt knew for Miss we were left alone to finish the evening,'Murdstone. " If there is any Donkey my aunt sitting opposite to me drinking in Dover, whose audacity it is harder her wine and water; soaking her strips to me to bear than another's, that," of toast in it, one by one, before eating said my aunt, striking the table, " is the them; and looking benignantly on me, animal!" from among the borders of her nightJanet ventured to suggest that my cap. aunt might be disturbing herself unne- "Well, Trot," she began, "what do cessarily, and that she believed the don- you think of the proctor plan? Or key in question was then engaged in the have you not begun to think about it sand and gravel line of business, and yet?" was not available for purposes oftres- "I have thought a good deal bout.it, pass. But my aunt would n't hear of my dear aunt, and I have talked a good it. deal about it with Steerforth. I likeit Supper was comfortably served and very much indeed. I like it exceedhot, though my aunt's rooms were very ingly." high up, - whether that she might have "Come I" said my aunt. "That's more stone stairs for her money, or cheering 1" might be nearer to the door in the roof " I have only one difficulty, aunt." I don't know, - and consisted of a roast "Say what it is, Trot," she refowl, a steak, and some vegetables, to turned. all of which I did ample justice, and "Why, I want to ask, aunt, as this which were all excellent. But my aunt seems, from what I understand, to be a had her own ideas concerning London limited profession, whether my entrance provision, and ate but little. into it would not be very expensive? " "I suppose this unfortunate fowl was "It will cost," returned my aunt, born and brought up in a cellar," said "to article you, just a thousand my aunt, "and never took the air ex- pounds." cept on a hackney coach-stand. I hope Now, my dear aunt," said I, drawthe steak may be beef, but I don't be- ing my chair nearer, "I am uneasy in hleve it. Nothing's genuine in the my mind about that. It's a large sum place, in my opinion, but the dirt." of money. You have expended a great'" Don't you think the fowl may have deal on my education, and have always come out of the country, aunt?" I been as liberal to me in all things as it hinted.' was possible to be. You have been the "Certainly not," returned my aunt. soul of generosity. Surely there are " Itwould be no pleasure to a London some ways in which I might begin life tradesman to sell anything which was with hardly any outlay, and yet begin what he pretended it was." with a good hope of getting on by resoI did not venture to controvert this lution and exertion. Are you sure that opinion, but I made a good supper,' it would not be better to try that course? which it greatly satisfied her to see me Are you certain that you can afford to do.'When the table was cleared, Janet part with so much money, and that it is assisted her to arraige her hair, to put right that it should -be so expended? ont her nightcap, which was of a smart- I only ask you, my second mother, to er com.strucion than usual (" in case of consider. Are you certain?" fire," "my atuat said), d -to fold her Myaunt finisaled tiag ttelaiece f 6 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE toast on which she was then- engaged, often as she was agitated by a distant looking me full in the face all the while; sound of hackney-coaches or marketand then setting her glass on the chim- carts, and inquiring " if I heard the ney-piece, and folding her hands upon engines?" But towards morning she her folded skirts, replied as follows:- slept better, and suffered me to do so "Trot, my child, if I have any ob- too. ject in life, it is to provide for your At about midday, we set out for-the being a good, a sensible, and a happy office of Messrs. Spenlow and Jorkins man. I am bent upon it, - so is Dick. in Doctors' Commons. My aunt, who I should like some people that I know had this other general opinion in referto hear Dick's conversation on the sub- ence to London, that every man she ject. Its sagacity is wonderful. But saw was a pickpocket, gave me her no one knows the resources of that purse to carry for her, which had ten man's intellect except myself! " guineas in it and some silver. She stopped for a moment to take my We made a pause at the toy-shop in hand between hers, and went on:- Fleet Street, to see the giants of Saint " It's in vain, Trot, to recall the past, Dunstan's strike upon the bells - we unless it works some influence upon the had timed our going, so as to catch them present. Perhaps I might have been at it, at twelve o'clock - and then went better friends with your poor father. on towards Ludgate Hill and St. Paul's Perhaps I might have been better Churchyard. We were crossing to the friends with that poor child your moth- former place, when I found that my er, even after your sister Betsey Trot- aunt greatly accelerated her speed, and wood disappointed me. When you looked frightened. I observed, at the came to me, a little runaway boy, all same time, that a lowering ill-dressed dusty and wayworn, perhaps I thought man who had stopped and stared at us so. From that time until now, Trot, in passing, a little before, was coming you have ever been a credit to me and a so close after us, as to brush against pride and a pleasure. I have no other her. claim upon my means; at least " - "Trot!. My dear Trot! " cried my here to my surprise she hesitated, and aunt, in a terrified whisper, and presswas'confused -" no, I have no other ing my arm. " I don't know what I claim upon my means —and you are am to do." my adopted child. Only be a loving "Don't be alarmed," said I. "There's child to me in my age, and bear with nothing to be afraid of. Step into a my whims and fancies; and you will do shop, and I'11 soon get rid of this felmore for an old woman whose prime of low." life was not so happy or conciliating as "No, no, child!" she returned. it might have been, than ever that old "Don't speak to him for the world. I woman did for you." entreat, I order you! " It was the first time I had heard my "Good Heaven, aunt!" said I. aunt refer to her past history. There was "He is nothing but a sturdy beggar." a magnanimity in her quiet way of doing "You don't know what he is!" eso, and of dismissing it, which would plied my aunt. "You don't know who have exalted her in my respect and af- he is! You don't know what you fection, if anything could. say! " "All is agreed and understood be- We had stopped in an empty doortween us now, Trot," said my aunt, way, while this was passing, and he had "and we need talk of this no more. stopped too. Give me a kiss, and we'11 go to the " Don't look at him!" said my aunt, Commons after breakfast to-morrow." as I turned my head indignantly, "but We had a long chat by the fire before get me a coach, my dear, and wait foi we went to bed. I slept in a room on me in St. Paul's Churchyard." the same floor with my aunt's, and was " Wait for you? " I repeated. a little disturbed in the course of the "Yes," rejoined my aunt, "I must night by her knocking at my door as go alone. I must go with him." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. i97 "'With him, aunt? This man? " pilgrims without the ceremony of knock" I am in my senses," she replied, ung, three or four clerks were at work as "and I tell you I must. Get me a copyists. One of these, a little dry man, coach!" sitting by himself, who wore a stiff brown. However much astonished I might wig that looked as if it were made of be, I was sensible that I had no right gingerbread, rose to receive my aunt, to refuse compliance with such a per- and show us into Mr. Spenlow's room. emptory command. I hurried away a "Mr. Spenlow's in Court, ma'am," few paces, and called a hackney chariot said the dry man; " it's an Arches day; which was passing empty. Almost be- but it's close by, and I'11 send for him fore I could let down the steps, my directly." aunt sprang in, I don't know how, and As we were left to look about us while the man followed. She waved her Mr. Spenlow was fetched, I availed myhand to me to go away, so earnestly, self of the opportunity. The furniture that, all confounded as I was, I turned of the room was old fashioned and from them at once. In doing so, I dusty; and the green baize on the top of heard her say to the coachman, "Drive the writing-table had lost all its color anywhere! Drive straight on! " and and was as withered and pale as an o presently the chariot passed me, going pauper. There were a great many up the hill. bundles of papers on it, some indorsed What Mr. Dick had told me, and as Allegations, and some (to my surwhat I had supposed to be a delusion prise) as Libels, and some as being in of his, now came into my mind. I could the Consistory Court, and some in; the not doubt that this person was the per- Arches Court, and some in the Prerogson of whom he had made such myste- ative Court, and some in the Admiralty rious mention, though what the nature Court, and some in the Delegates' of his hold upon my aunt could possi- Court; giving me occasion to wonder bly be I was quite unable to imagine. much how many Courts there might be After half an hour's cooling in the in the gross, and how long it would take churchyard, I saw the chariot coming to understand them all. Besides these, back. The driver stopped beside me, there were sundry immense manuscript and my aunt was sitting in it alone. Books of Evidence taken on affidavit, She had not yet sufficiently recovered strongly bound, and tied together in from her agitation to be quite prepared massive sets, a set to each cause, as if for the visit we had to make. She de- every cause were a history in ten or tired me to get into the chariot, and to twenty volumes. All this looked tolertell the coachman to drive slowly up ably expensive, I thought, and gave me ind down a little while. She said no an agreeable notion of a proctor's busimore, except, " My dear child, never ness. I was casting my eyes with inisk me what it was, and don't refer to creasing complacency over these and it," until she had perfectly regained her many smilar objects, when hasty footmomposure, when she told me she was steps \,. e heard in the room outside, luite herself now, and we might get out. and Mr. Spenlow, in a black gown 9n her giving me her purse, to pay the trimmed with white fur, came hurrying iriver, I found that all the guineas were in, taking off his hat as he came. tone, and only the loose silver re- He was a little light-haired gentlenained.,man, with undeniable boots, and the Doctors' Commons was approached stiffest of white cravats and shirt-collars. )y a little low archway. Before we had He was buttoned up mighty trim and:aken many paces down the street be- tight, and must have taken a great deal rond it, the noise of the city seemed to of pains with his whiskers, which were nelt as if by magic, into a softened dis- accurately curled. His gold watch-:ance. A few dull courts, and narrow chain was so massive, that a fancy came vays, brought us to the sky-lighted across me, that he ought to have a )ffices of Spenlow and Jorkins; in the sinewy golden arm, to draw it out with, restibule of which temple, accessible to like those which are put up over the 198 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE gold-beaters' shops. He was got up with to spare my aunt, "that it is tfW t:s such care, and was so stiff, that he could custom here, if an articled clerk -were hardly bend himself; being obliged, particularly useful, and made himself a when he glanced at some papers on his perfect master of his profession-" I desk, after sitting down in his chair, to could not help blushing, this looked so move his whole body, from the bottom like praising myself-" I suppose it li of his spine, like Punch. not the custom, in the later years of his I had previously been presented by time, to allow him any-" my aunt, and had been courteously re Mr. Spenlow, by a great effortjiJust ceived. He now said:- lifted his- head far enough out of his "And so, Mr. Copperfield, you think cravat, to shake it, and answered, anticiof entering into our profession? I cas- pating the word "salary." ually mentioned to Miss Trotwood, when "No. I will not say what considertI had the pleasure of an interview with tion I might give to that point myself, her the other day," -with another in- Mr. Copperfield, if I were unfettered. clination of his body - Punch again,- Mr. Jorkins is immovable." " that there was a vacancy here. Miss I was quite dismayed by the idea of Trotwood was good enough to mention this terrible Jorkins. But I found out that she had a nephew who was her afterwards that he was a mild man of a peculiar care, and for whom she was heavy temperament, whose place in the seeking to provide genteelly in life. business was to keep himself in the That nephew, I believe, I have now the background, and be constantly exhibpleasure of" - Punch again. ited by name as the most obdurate and I bowed my acknowledgments, and ruthless of men. If a clerk wanted his said, my aunt had mentioned to me salary raised, Mr. Jorkins would n't listhat there was that opening, and that I ten to such a proposition. If a client believed I should like it very much. were slow to settle his bill of costs, Mr. That I was strongly inclined to like it, Jorkins was resolved to have it paid: and had taken immediately to the pro- and however painful these things might posal. That I could not absolutely pledge be (and always were) to the feelings ol myself to like it, until I knew something Mr. Spenlow, Mr. Jorkins would have more about it. That although it was little his bond. The heart and hand of the else than a matter of form, I presumed good angel Spenlow would have been I should have an opportunity of trying always open, but for the restraining how I liked it, before I bound myself to demon Jorkins. As I have grown older, it irrevocably. I think I have had experience of some "O surely! surely I" said Mr. Spen- other houses doing business on the low. "We always, in this house, pro- principle of Spenlow and Jorkins! pose a month, - an initiatory month. It was settled that I should begin my I should be happy, myself to propose month's probation as soon as I pleaset, two months - three - an indeAnite pe- and that my aunt need neither rei n riod, in fact - but I have a.artner. in town nor return at its expiration as Mr. Jorkins." the articles of agreement of which Twas "And the premium, sir," I returned, to be the subject could easily be sefteto "is a thousand pounds." her at home for her signature.c When "And the premium, Stamp included, we had got so far, Mr. Spenlow offered is a thousand pounds," said Mr. Spen- to take me into Court then and there low.''As I have mentioned to Miss and show me what sort of place it Trotwood, I am actuated by no merce- was. As I was willing enough to know, nary considerations; few men are less we went out with this object, leaving so, I believe; but Mr. Jorkins has his my aunt behind; who would trust heropinions on these subjects, and I am self, she said, in no such place, and bound to respect Mr. Jorkins's opinions. who, I think, regarded all Courts oi Mr. Jorkins thinks a thousand pounds Law as a sort of powder-mills that might too little, in short." blow up at any time. " I suppose, sir," said I, still desiring Mt. Spenlow conducted me taeogh OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. -a paved courtyard formed of grave brick time, and we rejoined my aunt; in comhouses, which I inferred, from the Doc- pany with whom I presently departed tors' names upon the doors, to be the from the Commons, feeling very young Kofficial abiding-places of the learned when I went out of Spenlow and Jor-advocates of whom Steerforth had told kins's, on account of the clerks poking ne; and into a large dull room, not un- one another with their pens to point like-a chapel to my thinking, on the me out. left hand. The upper part of this room We arrived at Lincoln's Inn Fields was fenced off from the rest; and there, without any new adventures, except enon the two sides of a raised platform of countering an unlucky donkey in a costhe horseshoe form, sitting on easy old- termonger's cart, who suggested painful fashioned dining-room chairs, were sun- associations to my aunt. We had anothdry gentlemen m red gowns and gray er long talk about my plans, when we wigs, whom I found to be the Doctors were safely housed; and as I knew aforesaid. Blinking over a little desk she was anxious to get home, and, belike a pulpit-desk, in the curve of the tween fire, food, and pickpockets, could horseshoe, was an old- gentleman, never be considered at her ease for half whom, if I had seen him in an aviary, an hour in London, I urged her not to I should certainly have taken for an be uncomfortable on my account, but to owl, but who, I learned, was the presid- leave me to take care of myself. ing judge. In the space within the "I have not been here a week to-morhorseshoe, lower than these, that is to row, without considering that too, my say on about the level of the floor, were dear," she returned. "There is a fursundry other gentlemen of Mr. Spen- nished little set of chambers to be let low's rank, and dressed like him in in the Adelphi, Trot, which ought to black gowns with white fur upon them, suit you to a marvel." sitting at a long green table. Their With this brief introduction, she procravats were in general stiff, I thought, duced from her pocket an advertisement, and their looks haughty; but in this carefully cut out of a newspaper, setting last respect, I presently conceived I had forth that in Buckingham Street in the done them an injustice, for when two or Adelphi there was to be let furnished, three of them had to rise and answer with a view of the river, a singularly a question of the presiding dignitary, desirable and compact set of chambers, I never saw anything more sheepish. forming a genteel residence for a young The public, represented by a boy wth a gentleman, a member of one of the comforter, and a shabby-genteel man Inns of Court, or otherwise, with im, secretly eating crumbs out of his coat mediate possession. Terms moderate, pockets, was warming itself at a stove and could be taken for a month only if in the centre of the Court. The lan- required. guid stillness of the place was only "Why, this is the very thing, aunt " broken by the chirping of this fire and said I, flushed with the possible dignity by the voice of one of the Doctors, who of living in chambers. was wandering slowly through a perfect "Then come," replied my aunt, imlibrary of evidence, and stopping to put mediately resuming the bonnet she had up, from time to time, at little roadside a minute before laid aside. "We'11 go inns of argument on the journey. Alto- and look at'em." gether, I have never, on any occasion, Away we went. The advertisement made one at such a cosey, dozy, old-fash- directed us to apply to Mrs. Crupp on ioned, time-forgotten, sleepy-headed lit- the premises, and we rung the area bell, tie family-party in all my life; and I which we supposed to communicate with felt it would be quite a soothing opiate Mrs. Crupp. It was not until we had to belong to it in any character- except rung three or four times that we could perhaps as a suitor. prevail on Mrs. Crupp to communicate Very well satisfied with the dreamy with us, but at last she appeared, being nature of this retreat, I informed Mr. a stout lady with a flounce of flannel petSpenlow that I had seen enough for that ticoat below a nankeen gown. 200 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Let us see these chambers of yours, them for a month, with leave to rei if you please, ma'am," said my aunt. main for twelve months when that "For this gentleman?" said Mrs. time was out. Mrs. Crupp was to find Crupp, feeling in her pocket for her linen, and to cook; every other neceskeys. sary was already provided; and Mrs. Yes, for my nephew," said my aunt. Crupp expressly intimated that she "And a sweet set they is for sich I" should always yearn towards me as a said Mrs. Crupp. son. I was to take possession the day So we went up stairs. after to-morrow, and Mrs. Crupp said They were on the top of the house, - thank Heaven she had now found a great point with my aunt, being near summun she could care for! the fire-escape - and consisted of a lit- On our way back, my aunt informed tie half-blind entry where you could me how she confidently trusted that the see hardly anything, a little stone-blind life I was now to lead would make me pantry where you could see nothing at firm and self-reliant, which was all I all, a sitting-room, and a bedroom. wanted. She repeated this several The furniture was rather faded, but times next day, in the intervals of our quite good enough for me; and, sure arranging for the transmission of my enough, the river was outside the win- clothes and books from Mr. Wickdows. field's; relative to which, and to all As I was delighted with the place, my my late holiday, I wrote a long letter aunt and Mrs. Crupp withdrew into the to Agnes, of Thich my aunt took charge, pantry to discuss the terms, while I re- as she was to leave on the succeeding mained on the sitting-room sofa, hardly day. Not to lengthen these particudaring to think it possible that I could lars, I need only add, that she made ai be destined to live in such a noble resi- handsome provision for all my possible dence. After a single combat of some wants during my month of trial; that duration, they returned, and I saw to my Steerforth, to my great disappointment, joy, both in Mrs. Crupp's countenance and hers too, did not make his appearand in my aunt's, that the deed was ance before she went away! that I saw done. her safely seated in the Dover coach, " Is it the last occupant's furniture?" exulting in the coming discomfiture of inquired my aunt. the vagrant donkeys, with Janet at her "Yes, it is, ma'am," said Mrs. Crupp. side; and that when the coach was " What's become of him?" asked my gone, I turned my face to the Adelphi, aunt. pondering on the old days when I used Mrs. Crupp was taken with a trouble- to roam about its subterranean arches, some cough, in the midst of which she and on the happy changes which had articulated with much difficulty. "He brought me to the surface. was took ill here, ma'am, and - ugh! ugh! ugh I dear me! — and he died." " Hey I What did he die of?" asked my aunt. CHAPTER XXIV. "Well, ma'am, he died of drink," said Mrs. Crupp in confidence. "And MY FIRST DISSIPATION. smoke." "Smoke? You don't mean chim- IT was a wonderfully fine thing to neys?" said my aunt. have that lofty castle to myself, and to "No, ma'am," returned Mrs. Crupp. feel, when I shut my outer door, like " Cigars and pipes." Robinson Crusoe, when he had got into " That's not catching, Trot, at any his fortification, and pulled his ladder rate," remarked my aunt, turning to up after him. It was a wonderfully me. fine thing to walk about town with the " No, indeed," said I. key of my house in my pocket, and to In short, my aunt, seeing how enrap- know that I could ask any fellow to tured I was with the promises, took come home, and make quite sure of its OF JDAVID COPPERFIdLD. a20 being inconvenient to nobody, if it were what I have described it, when I first not so to me. It was a wonderfully saw her; but the society of the two fine thing to let myself in and out, and ladies was so agreeable, and came so to come and go without a word to any natural to me, that I felt myself falling one, and to ring Mrs. Crupp up, gasp- a little in love with her. I could not ing, from the depths of the earth, when help thinking, several times in the I wanted her,-and when she was course of the evening, and particularly disposed to come. All this, I say, was when I walked home at night, what dewonderfully fine; but I must say, too, lightful company she would be in Buckthat there were times when it was very ingham Street. dreary. I was taking my coffee and roll in the It was fine in the morning, particu- morning, before going to the Commons larly in the fine mornings. It looked a -and I may observe in this place that very fresh, free life, by daylight: still it is surprising how'much coffee Mrs. fresher, and more free, by sunlight. Crupp used, and how weak it was, conBut as the day declined, the life seemed sidering - when Steerforth himself to go down too. I don't know how it walked in, to my unbounded joy. was; it seldom looked well by candle- "My dear Steerforth," cried I, "I light. I wanted somebody to talk to, began to think I should never see you then. I missed Agnes. I found a again!" tremendous blank, in the place of that " I was carried off, by force of arms," smiling repository of my confidence. said Steerforth, "the very next morning Mrs. Crupp appeared to be a long way after I got home. Why, Daisy, what a off. I thought about my predecessor, rare old bachelor you are here! " who had died of drink and smoke: and I showed him over the establishment, I could have wished he had been so not omitting the pantry, with no little good as to live, and not bother me with pride, and he commended it highly. his decease. "I tell you what, old boy," he added, After two days and nights, I felt as "I shall make quite a town-house of if I had lived there for a year, and yet this place, unless you give me notice to I was not an hour older, but was quite quit." as much tormented by my own youth- This was a delightful hearing. I fulness as ever. told him if he waited for that, he would Steerforth not yet appearing, which have to wait till doomsday. induced me to apprehend that he must "But you shall' have some breakbe ill, I left the Commons early on the fast!" said I, with my hand on the third day, and walked out to Highgate. bell-rope, "and Mrs. Cmpp shall make Mrs. Steerforth was very glad to see you some fresh coffee, and I'11 toast me, and said that he had gone away you some bacon in a bachelor's Dutchwith one of his Oxford friends to see oven that I have got here." another who lived near St. Alban's, "No, no!" said Steerforth. "Don't but that she expected him to return to- ring I can't! I am going to breakfast morrow. I was so fond of him, that I with one of these fellows who is at the felt quite jealous of his Oxford friends. Piazza Hotel, in Covent Garden." As she pressed me to stay to dinner, " But you'11 come back to dinner? " I remained, and I believe we talked said I. about nothing but him all day. I told "I can't, upon my life. There's her how much the people liked him at nothing I should like better, but I must Yarmouth, and what a delightful com- remain with these two fellows. We are panion he had been. Miss Dartle was all three off together to-morrow mornfull of hints and mysterious questions, ing." but took a great interest in all our pro- "Then bring them here to dinner," ceedings there, and said, "was it really I returned. "Do you think they would though?" and so forth, so often, that come?" she got everything out of me she wanted "0, they would come fast enough," to know. Her appearance was exactly said Steerforth; "but we should incon 202 PERSONAL HISTORY AND. EXPERIENCE venience you. You had better come a raised pie and ra dSish of kilaeysand dine with us somewhere." from the pastry-cook's; a tart, and (if J I would not by any means consent to liked) a shape of jelly-from the pastrythis, for it occurred to me that I really cook's. This, Mrs. Crupp said, would ought to have a little housewarming, leave her at full liberty to teocentrate and that there never could be a better her mind on the potatoes, and to serve opportunity. I had a new pride in my up the cheese and celery as she- could rooms after his approval of them, and wish to see it done. burned with a desire to develop their I acted on Mrs. Crupp's opinion, and utmost resources. I therefore made gave the order at the pastry-cook's myhim promise positively in the names of self. Walking along the Strand, fterhis two friends, and we appointed six wards, and observing a hard mnttled o'clock as the dinner-hour. substance in the window of a hamn and When he was gone, I rang for Mrs. beef shop, which resembled marble, Crupp, and acquainted her with my but was labelled "Mock Turtie"..I desperate design. Mrs. Crupp said, in went in and bought a slab of it, which I the first place, of course it was well have since seen reason to believe would known she couldn't be expected to have sufficed for fifteen people. This wait, but she knew a handy young man, preparation, Mrs. Crupp, after some who she thought could be prevailed difficulty, consented to warm up; and upon to do it, and whose terms would it shrunk so much in a liquid state, be five shillings, and what I pleased. that we found it what Steerforth called I said, certainly we would have him. "rather a tight fit " for four. Next, Mrs!Crupp said it was clear she These preparations happily comcould n'tbe in two places at once (which pleted, I bought a little dessert in CoI felt to be reasonable), and that "a vent Garden Market, and gave a rather young gal " stationed in the pantry with extensive order at a retail wine-mera bedroom candle, there never to desist chant's in that vicinity. When I came from washing plates, would be indis- home in the afternoon, and saw the pensable. I said, what would be the bottles drawn up in a square on the expense of this young female, and Mrs. pantry-floor, they looked so numerous Crupp said she supposed eighteen pence (though there were two missing, which would neither make me nor break me. made Mrs. Crupp very uncomfortable), I said I supposed not; and that was that I was absolutely frightened at settled. Then Mrs. Crupp said, Now them. about the dinner. One of Steerforth's friends was named It was a remarkable instance of want Grainger, and the other Markham. of forethought on the part of the iron- They were both very gay and lively monger who had make Mrs. Crupp's fellows; Grainger, something older than kitchen fireplace, that it was capable of Steerforth; Markham, youthful lookcooking nothing but chops and mashed ing, and I should say not more than potatoes. As to a fish-kittle, Mrs. Crupp twenty. I observed that the latter said, well! would I only come and look always spoke of himself indefinitely, as at the range. She could n't say fairer "a man," and seldom or never in the than that. Would I come and look at first person singular. it? As I should not have been much "A man might get on very well here, the wiser if I had looked at it, I de- Mr. Copperfield," said Markham,dined, and said, "Never mind fish." meaning himself. But Mrs. Crupp said, Don't say that; "It's not a bad situation," said I, oysters was in, and why not them? So and the rooms are really commodious." that was settled. Mrs. Crupp then said "I hope you have both brought what she would recommend would be appetites with you?" said Steerforth. this. A pair of hot roast fowls-from "Upon my honor," returned Markthe pastry-cook's; a dish of stewed ham, "town seems-to sharpen a maa's beef, with vegetables-from the pas- appetite. A man is hungry all day ry-cook's; two little corner things, as long. A man is pepetually eatin. ~~ 9 ~~ 9 - 41' ~ OF DA VIDW COPPERFIELD. __ Being a little embarrassed at first, and have a private fit of sneezing ten miteeg much too young to preside, I utes long. iade Steerforth take the head of the I went on by passing the wine faster table when dinner was announced, and and faster yet, and continually starting seated myself opposite to him. Every- up with a corkscrew to open more wine,'thing was very good; we did not spare long before any was needed. I prothe wine; and he exerted himself so posed Steerforth's health. I said he brilliantly to make the thing pass off was my dearest friend, the protector of well, that there was no pause in our fes- my boyhood, and the companion of my tivity. I was not quite such good com- prme. I said I was delighted to propany during dinner as I could have pose his health. I said I owed him wished to be, for my chair was opposite more obligations than I could ever rethe door, and my attention was dis- pay, and held him in a higher admira-.traced by observing that the handy tion than I could ever express. I finyoung man went out of the room very ished by saying, "I'11 give you Steeroften, and that his shadow always pre- forth! God bless him! Hurrah I" sented itself, immediately afterwards, We gave him three times three, and on the wall of the entry, with a bottle another, and a good one to finish with. at his mouth. The "young gal" like- I broke my glass in going round the wise occasioned me some uneasiness: table to shake hands with him, and I not so much by neglecting to wash the said (in two words) " Steerforth you'replates, as by breaking them. For being theguidingstarofmyexistence." of an inquisitive disposition, and unable I went on, by finding suddenly that to confine herself (as her positive instruc- somebody was m the middle of a song. tions were) to the pantry, she was con- Markham was the singer, and he sang, stantly peering in at us, and constantly "When the heart of a man is deimagining herself detected; in which pressed with care." He said, when he belief, she several times retired upon had sung it, he would give us "Wothe plates (with which she had carefully man! " I took objection to that, and paved the floor), and did a great deal of I could n't allow it. I said it was not a destruction. respectful way of proposing the toast, These, however, were small draw- and I would never permit that toast to backs, and easily forgotten when the be drunk in my house otherwise than as cloth was cleared, and the dessert put "The Ladies I" I was very high with on the table; at which period of the him, mainly I think because I saw entertainment the handy young man Steerforth and Grainger laughing at was discovered to be speechless. Giv- me - or at him - or at both of us. ing him private directions to seek the He said a man was not to be dictated society of Mrs. Crupp, and to remove to. I said a man was. He said a man the "young gal" to the basement was not to be insulted, then. I said he also, I abandoned myself to enjoy- was right there, - never under my roof, ment. where the Lares were sacred, and the I began by being singularly cheerful laws of hospitality paramount. He said and light-hearted; all sorts of half-for- it was no derogation from a man's diggotten things to talk about came rush- nity to confess that I was a devilish ing into my mind, and made me hold good fellow. I instantly proposed his forth in a most unwonted manner. health. I laughed heartily at my own jokes, and Somebody was smoking. We were everybody else's; called Steerforth to all smoking. I was smoking, and tryorder for not passing the wine; made ing to suppress a rising tendency to several engagements to go to Oxford; shudder. Steerforth had made a speech announced that I meant to have a din- about me, in the course of which I had enr-party exactly like that, once a week been affected almost to tears. I reuntil further notice; and madly took so turned thanks, and hoped the present much snuff out of Grainger's box, that company would dine with me to-morI -was obliged to go into the pantry, and row, and the day after, - each day at PERSONAL HISTORY ANrD EXPERIENCE five o'clock, that we might enjoy the A man, sitting in a pigeon-hole-pface pleasures of conversation and society looked out of the fog, and took money" through a long evening. I felt called from somebody, inquiring if I was one upon to propose an individual. I would of the gentlemen paid for, and appeargive them my aunt. Miss Betsey Trot- ing rather doubtful (as I remember in wood, the best of her sex! the glimpse I had of him) whether to Somebody was leaning out of my bed- take the money for me or not. Shortly room window, refreshing his forehead afterwards, we were very high up in a against the cool stone of the parapet, very hot theatre, looking down into a and feeling the air upon his face. It large pit, that seemed to me to smoke - was myself I was addressing myself the people with whom it was crammed as " Copperfield," and saying, "Why were so indistinct. There was a great did you try to smoke? You might stage, too, looking very clean and have known you couldn't do it." smooth after the streets; and there Now, somebody was unsteadily con- were people upon it, talking about templating his features in the looking- something or other, but not at all inglass. That was I too. I was very telligibly. There was an abundance of pale in the looking-glass; my eyes had bright lights, and there was music, and a vacant appearance; and my hair- there were ladies down in the boxes, only my hair, nothing else —looked and I don't know what more. The drunk. whole building looked to me as if it Somebody said to me, "Let us go to were learning to swim; it conducted the theatre, Copperfield!" There was itself in such an unaccountable manno bedroom before me, but again the ner, when I tried to steady it. jingling table covered with glasses; the On somebody's motion, we resolved lamp; Grainger on my right hand, to go down stairs to the dress-boxes; Markham on my left, and Steerforth where the ladies were. A gentleman opposite,- all sitting in a mist, and a lounging, full dressed, on a sofa, with long way off. The theatre? To be an opera-glass in his hand, passed besure. The very thing. Come along! fore my view, and also my own figure But they must excuse me if I saw at full length in a glass. Then I was everybody out first, and turned the being ushered into one of these boxes, lamp off-in case of fire. and found myself saying something as Owing to some confusion in the dark, I sat down, and people about me crythe door was gone. I was feeling for it ing, " Silence! " to somebody, and lain the window-curtains, when Steerforth, dies casting indignant glances at me, laughing, took me by the arm and led and - what! yes! - Agnes, sitting on me out. We went down stairs, one be- the seat before me, in the same box, hind another. Near the bottom, some- with a lady and gentleman beside her body fell, and rolled down. Somebody whom I did n't know. I see her face else said it was Copperfield. I was an- now, better than I did then I dare say, gry at that false report, until, finding with its indelible look of regret and myself on my back in the passage, I wonder turned upon me. began to think there might be some "Agnes! "I said, thickly, "Lorblessfoundation for it. mer! Agnes!" A very foggy night, with great rings "Hush! Pray!" she answered, I round the lamps in the streets! There could not conceive why. " You disturb was an indistinct talk of its being wet. the company. Look at the stage " I considered it frosty. Steerforth dust- I tried, on her injunction, to fix it, ed me under a lamp-post, and put my and to hear something of what was hat into shape, which somebody pro- going on there, but quite in vain. I duced from somewhere in a most ex- looked at her again by and by, and saw traordinary manner, for I had n't had it her shrink into her corner, and put her on before. Steerforth then said, " You gloved hand to her forehead. are all right, Copperfield, are you not?" "Agnes 1" I said. "I'mafraidyou'reandl told him, "Neverberrer." norwell." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. ^."Yes, yes. Do not mind me, Trot- impossibility of going out, or even getting wood," she returned. "Listen! Are up! O, what a day it was! you going away soon?" 0, what an evening, when I sat "Amigoarawaysoo? " I repeated. down by my fire to a basin of mutton"Yes." broth, dimpled all over with fat, and I had a stupid intention of replying thought I was going the way of my predthat I was going to wait, to hand her ecessor, and should succeed to his disdown stairs. I suppose I expressed it mal story as well as to his chambers, somehow; for after she had looked at and had half a mind to rush express-to me attentively for a little while, she Dover and reveal all? What an evenappeared to understand, and replied in ing, when Mrs. Crupp, coming in to a low tone, -take away the broth-basin, produced " I know you will do as I ask you, if one kidney on a cheese-plate as the I tell you I am very earnest in it. Go entire remains of yesterday's feast, and away now, Trotwood, for my sake, and I was really inclined to fall upon her ask your friends to take you home." nankeen breast, and say, in heartfelt She had so far improved me, for the penitence, "0 Mrs. Crupp, Mrs. time, that though I was angry with Crupp, never mind the broken meats I her, I felt ashamed, and with a short I am very miserable!"-only that I " Goori " (which I intended for " Good doubted, even at that pass, if Mrs. night! ") got up and went away. They Crupp were quite the sort of woman to followed, and I stepped at once out of confide in! the box-door into my bedroom, where only Steerforth was with me, helping me to undress, and where I was by CHAPTER XXV. turns telling him that Agnes was my sister, and adjuring him to bring the GOOD AND BAD ANGELS. corkscrew, that I might open another bottle of wine. I WAS going out at my door on the How somebody, lying in my bed, lay morning after that deplorable day of saying and doing all this over again, at headache, sickness, and repentance, cross-purposes, in a feverish dream all with an odd confusion in my mind relanight, - the bed a rocking sea, that was tive to the date of my dinner-party, as never still! How, as that somebody if a body of Titans had taken an enorslowly settled down into myself, did I mous lever and pushed the day before begin to parch, and feel as if my outer yesterday some months back, when I covering of skin were a hard board; my saw a ticket-porter coming up stairs, tongue the bottom of an empty kettle, with a letter in his hand. He was takfurred with long service, and burning ing his time about his errand, then; but up over a slow fire; the palms of my when he saw me on the top of the stairhands, hot plates of metal which no ice case, looking at him over the banisters, could cool he swung into a trot, and came up pantBut the agony of mind, the remorse, ing as if he had run himself into a state and shame I felt, when I became con- of exhaustion. scious next day! My horror of having "T. Copperfield, Esquire," said the committed a thousand offences I had ticket-porter, touching his hat with his forgotten, and which nothing could ever little cane. expiate -my recollection of that indeli- I could scarcely lay claim to the ble look which Agnes had given me- name: I was so disturbed by the conthe torturing impossibility of communi- viction that the letter came from Agnes. cating with her, not knowing, beast that However, I told him I. was T. CopperI. was, how she came to be in London, field, Esquire, and he believed it, and or where she stayed - my disgust of the gave me the letter, which he said revery sight of the room where the revel quired an answer. I shut him out on had been held -my racking head- the the landing to wait for the answer, and smell of smoke, the sight of glasses, the went into my chambers again, in such a ao6 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE nervous state that I -was fain to lay the to pull the private- bell-handlet ie to letter down on my breakfast-table, and the left-haiid door-post of Mr. Waterfamiliarize myself with the outside of it brook's house. a little, before I could resolve to break The professional business of Mr. the seal. Waterbrook's establishment was done I found, when I did open it, that it on the ground floor, and the genteel was a very kind note, containing no ref. business (of which there was a good erence to my condition at the theatre. deal) in the upper part of the building. All it said was, " My. dear Trotwood: I was shown into a pretty but rather I am staying at the house of papa's close drawing-room, and there sat Agagent, Mr. Waterbrook, in Ely-place, nes, netting a purse. Holborn. Will you come and see me She looked so quiet and good, and to-day, at any time yott like to appoint? reminded me so strongly of my airy Ever yours affectionately, AGNES." fresh school days at Canterbury, and the It took me such a long time to write sodden, smoky, stupid wretch I had an answer at all to my satisfaction, that been the other night, that, nobody beI don't know what the ticket-porter can ing by, I yielded to my self-reproach have thought, unless he thought I was and shame, and - in short, made a foiol learning to write. I must have written of myself. I cannot deny that I shed half a dozen answers at least. I began tears. To this hour I am undecided one, " How can I ever hope, my dear whether it was upon the whole the wisAgnes, to efface from your remembrance est thing I could have done, or the the disgusting impression"-there I most ridiculous. did n't like it, and then I tore it up. I "If it had been any one but you Agbegan another, "Shakespeare has ob- nes," said I, turning away my head, served, my dear Agnes, how strange it "I should not have minded it half so is that a man should put au enemy into much. But that it should have been his mouth "-that reminded me of vou who saw me I almost wish I had Markham, and it got no further. I even been dead, first." tried poetry. I began one note, in a six She put her hand -its touchlwas like syllable line, "0, do not remember" no other hand-upon my arm fur a -but that associated itself with the fifth moment; and I felt so befriended and of November, and became an absurdity. comforted, that I could not help movAfter many attempts, I wrote, " My ing it to my lips, and gratefully kissing dear Agnes: Your letter is like you, it. and what could I say of it that would "Sit down," said Agnes, cheerfully. be higher praise than that? I will "Don't be unhappy, Trotwood. If you come at four o'clock. Affectionately cannot confidently trust me, whom will and sorrowfully, T. C." With this mis- you trust? " sive (which I was in twenty minds at " Ah, Agnes! " I returned. " Yu once about recalling, as soon as it was are my good Angel! out of my hands) the ticket-porter at She smiled rather sadly, I thought, last departed. and shook her head. If the day were half as tremendous "Yes, Agnes, my good Angel I Alto any other professional gentleman in ways my good Angel " Doctors' Commons as it was to me, I " If I were, indeed, Trotwood,U she sincerely believe he made some expia- returned, "there is one thing that I tion for his share in that rotten old ec- should set my heart on very mnich.' - clesiastical cheese. Although I left the I looked at her inquiringly but aloffice at half past three, and was prowl- ready with a forekaowiedge of her aing alout the place of appointment meaning. within a few minutes afterwards, the " On warning you," said Agnes, with appisinted time was exceeded by a fill a steady glance, "against your bad quarter of an hour, according to the Anel.",dock of St. Andrew's, -Lolborn, before My dear Agnes,",I i s-p'E if 1,uild muster up sufficient desperations an Ste;io.rt b- " OF DA VID COPPERFIELD.' I.do, Trotwood," she returned. only ask you, Trotwood, if you ever "Then, Agnes, you wrong him very think of me, -I mean," with a quiet much. He my bad Angel, or any one's! smile, for I was going to interrupt her, He, anything but a guide, a support, and she knew why, "as often as you and a friend to me! My dear Agnes! think of me, — to think of what I Now, is it not unjust, and unlike you, have said. Do you forgive me for all to judge him from what you saw of me this? " the other night?" I will forgive you, Agnes," I re-"I do not judge him from what I plied, "when you come to do Steerfoxth saw of you the other night," she quietly justice, and to like him as well as I replied. do." "From what, then?" Not until then?" said, Agnes. "Frommany things, -trifles in them- I saw a passing shadow on her face selves, but they do not seem to me to when I made this mention of him, but be so, when they are put together. I she returned my smile, and we were judge him partly from your account of again as unreserved in our mutual conhim, Trotwood, and your character, and fidence as of old. the influence he has over you." "And when, Agnes," said I, "will There was always something in her you forgive me the other night?" modest voice that seemed to touch a "When I recall it," said Agnes. chord within me, answering to that She would have dismissed the subsound alone. It was always earnest; ject so, but I was too full of it to allow but when it was very earnest, as it was that, and insisted on her telling how it now, there was a thrill in it that quite happened that I had disgraced myself, subdued me, I sat looking at her as and what chain of accidental cireumshe cast her eves down on her work; I stances had had the theatre for its final:aat seeming still to listen to her; and link. It was a great relief to me to do.Steerforth, in spite of all my attachment this, and to enlarge on the obligation to him, darkened in that tone. that I owed to Steerforth for his care " It is very bold in me," said Agnes, of me when I was unable to take eara.looking up again, "who have lived in of myself such seclusion, and can know so little "You must not forget," said Agnes, of the world, to give you my advice so calmly changing the conversation as confidently, or even to have this strong soon as I had concluded, "that you- are opinion. But I know in what it is en- always to tell me, not only when-you gendered, Trotwood,- in how true a fall into trouble, but whef you fall in remembrance of our having grown up love. Who has succeeded to Miss together, and in how true an interest Larkins, Trotwood?" in all relating to you. It is that which "No one, Agnes." miaktes me bold. I am certain that what "Some one, Trotwood," said Agnes, I say is right. I am quite sure it is. I laughing and holding up her finger.:feel as if it were some one else speaking' No, Agnes, upon my word! There to you, and not I, when I caution you that is a lady, certainly, at Mrs. Steerforth's you have-made a dangerous friend." house, who is very clever, and whom I Again I looked at her, again I lis- like to talk to,-Miss Dartle, —butI tened to her after she was silent, and don't adore her." agait his image, though it was still fixed Agnes laughed again at her own pein my heart, darkened. etration, and told me that if I wet o ":Iam not so unreasonable as to ex- faithful to her in my confidence shd pect," said Agnes, resuming her usual thought she should keep a little registone, after a little while, "that you will, ter of my violent attachments, with the or that you can, at once, change any date, duration, and termination of each, sentiment that has become a conviction like the table of the reigns of the kings to you; least of all a sentiment that is and queens, in the History of England..oled.in your trusting disposition. Then she asked me -if I had s: You ought not hastily l do thait.-I - triL. 208 PERSONAL HISTORYAND EXPERIENCE "Uriah Heep?" said I. "No. Is could not but feel, on the least renffehe in London?" tion, that it had been going on to this " He comes to the office down stairs, for a long time. I remained silent. every day," returned Agnes. " He was "His ascendency over papa," said in London a week before me. I am Agnes, "is very great. He professes afraid on disagreeable business, Trot- humility and gratitude-with truth, wood." perhaps; I hope so-but his position "On some business that makes you is really one of power, and I fear he uneasy, Agnes, I see," said I. "What makes a hard use of his power."'can that be? " I said he was a hound, which, at the Agnes laid aside her work, and re- moment, was a great satisfaction to plied, folding her hands upon one an- me. other, and looking pensively at me out "At the time I speak of, as the time of those beautiful soft eyes of hers,- when papa spoke to me," pursued Ag"I believe he is going to enter into nes, " he had told papa that he was gopartnership with papa." ing away; that he was very sorry and "What? Uriah? That mean, fawn- unwilling to leave, but that he had beting fellow, worm himself into such ter prospects. Papa was very much promotion?" I cried, indignantly. depressed then, and more bowed down "Have you made no remonstrance by care than ever you or I have seen about it, Agnes? Consider what a con- him; but he seemed relieved by this'nection it is likely to be. You must expedient of the partnership, though at speak out. You must not allow your the same time he seemed hurt by it and father to take such a mad step. You ashamed of it." must prevent it, Agnes, while there's "And how did you receive it, Agtime." nes?" Still looking at me, Agnes shook her "I did, Trotwood," she replied, head while I was speaking, with a faint "what I hope was right. Feeling sure smile at my warmth; and then re- that it was necessary for papa's peace plied, - that the sacrifice should be made, I en" You remember our last conversa- treated him to make it. I said it would tion about papa? It was not long after lighten the load of his life- I hope it that - not more than two or three days- wil I -and that it would give me inwhen he gave me the first intimation of creased opportunities of being his comwhat I tell you. It was sad to see him panion. O Trotwood! " cried Agnes, struggling between his desire to repre- putting her hands before her face, as sent it to me as a matter of choice on his her tears started on it, " I almost feel part, and his inability to conceal that it as if I had been papa's enemy instead was forced upon him. I felt very sorry." of his loving child. For I know how "Forced upon him, Agnes? Who he has altered, in his devotion to me. forces it upon him? " I know how he has narrowed the circle "-Uriah," she replied, after a mo- of his sympathies and duties, in the ment's hesitation, "has made himself concentration of his whole mind upon indispensable to papa. He is subtle me. I know what a multitude of things and watchful. He has mastered papa's he has shut out for my sake, and how weaknesses, fostered them, and taken his anxious thoughts of me have shadadvantage of them, until, -to say all owed his life, and weakened his that I mean in a word, Trotwood, until strength and energy, by turning them papa is afraid of him." always upon one idea. If I'could ever There was more that she might have set this right! If I could ever work said; more that she knew, or that she out his restoration, as I have so innosuspected; I clearly saw. I could not centlv been the cause of his decline!" give her pain by asking what it was, for I had never before seen Agnes cry. I knew that she withheld it from me to I had seen tears in her eyes when I had spare her father. It had long been go- brought new honors home from school, ing on to this, I was sensible; yes, I and I had seen them there wheu we OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 0 last spoke about her father, and I had on the street door being opened, plunged seen her turn her gentle head aside into a vapor-bath of haunch of mutton, when we took leave of one another; I divined that I was not the only guest; but I had never seen her grieve like for I immediately identified the ticketthis. It made me so sorry that I could porter in disguise, assisting the family only say, in a foolish, helpless manner, servant, and waiting at the foot of the " Pray, Agnes, don't! Don't, my dear stairs to carry up my name. He looked, sister!" to the best of his ability, when he asked But Agnes was too superior to me in me for it confidentially, as if he had character and purpose, as I know well never seen me before; but well did I now, whatever I might know or not know him, and well did he know me. know then, to be long in need of Conscience made cowards of us both. my entreaties. The beautiful, calm I found Mr. Waterbrook to be a midmanner which makes her so different in dle-aged gentleman, with a short throat, my remembrance from everybody else, and a good deal of shirt collar, who only came back again, as if a cloud had wanted a black nose to be the portrait passed from a serene sky. of a pug-dog. He told me he was hap"We are not likely to remain alone py to have the honor of making my acmuch longer," said Agnes, " and while quaintance; and when I had paid my I have an opportunity, let me earnestly homage to Mrs. Waterbrook, presented entreat you, Trotwood, to be friendly to me, with much ceremony, to a very Uriah. Don't repel him. Don't re- awful lady in a black velvet dress, and sent (as I think you have a general dis- a great black velvet hat, whom I reposition to do) what may be unconge- member as looking like a near relation nial to you in him. He may not deserve of Hamlet's, - say his aunt. it, for we know no certain ill of him. Mrs. Henry Spiker was this lady's In any case, think first of papa and name; and her husband was there too: me " so cold a man, that his head, instead of Agnes had no time to say more, for being gray, seemed to be sprinkled with the room door opened, and Mrs. Wa- hoar-frost. Immense deference was terbrook, who was a large lady, -or shown to the Henry Spikers, male and who wore a large dress: I don't exactly female; which Agnes told me was on know which, for I don't know which account of Mr. Henry Spiker being was dress and which was lady,- came solicitor to something or to somebody, sailing in. I had a dim recollection of I forget what or which, remotely conhaving seen her at the theatre, as if I nected with the Treasury. had seen her in a pale magic-lantern; I found Uriah Heep among the cornbut she appeared to remember me per- pany, in a suit of black, and in deep fectly, and still to suspect me of being humility. He told me, when I shook in a state of intoxication. hands with him, that he was proud to Finding by degrees, however, that I be noticed by me, and that he really was sober, and (I hope) that I was a felt obliged to me for my condescension. modest young gentleman, Mrs. Water- I could have wished he had been less brook softened towards me considera- obliged to me, for he hovered about bly, and inquired, firstly, if I went much me in his gratitude all the rest of the into the parks, and secondly, if I went evening; and whenever I said a word much into society. On my replying to to Agnes, was sure, with his shadowless both these questions in the negative, eyes and cadaverous face, to be looking it occurred to me that I fell again in her gauntly down upon us from behind. good opinion; but she concealed the There were other guests, -all iced fact gracefully, and invited me to din- for the occasion, as it struck me, like ner next day. I accepted the invitation, the wine. But there was one who atand took my leave; making a call on tracted my attention before he came in, Uriah in the office as I went out, and on account of my hearing him anleaving a card for him in his absence. nounced as Mr. Traddles! My mind When I went to dinner next day, and, flew back to Salem House; and could I4 SIO PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE it be Tommy, I thought, who used to "Well," returned Mr. Waterbrook, draw the skeletons! pursing up his mouth, and playing with I looked for Mr. Traddles with unu- his watch-chain, in a comfortable, prossual interest. He was a sober, steady- perous sort of way. " I should say he looking young man of retiring manners, was one of those men who stand in with a comic head of hair, and eyes their own light. Yes, I should say he that were rather wide open; and he got would never, for example, be worth.five into an obscure corner so soon, that I hundred pound. Traddles was recomhad some difficulty in making him out. mended to me by a professional friend. At length I had a good view of him, 0 yes. Yes. He has a kind of talent; and either my vision deceived me, or it for drawing briefs, and stating a case in was the old unfortunate Tommy. writing, plainly. I am able to throw I made my way to Mr. Waterbrook, something in Traddles's way, in the and said, that I believed I had the course of the year; something —for pleasure of seeing an old schoolfellow him -considerable. 0 yes. Yes." there. I was much impressed by the extreme"Indeed?" said Mr. Waterbrook, ly comfortable and satisfied manner in surprised. "You are too young to which Mr. Waterbrook delivered himhave been at school with Mr. Henry self of this little word "Yes," every Spiker?" now and then. There was wonderful " 0, I don't mean him!" I returned. expression in it. It completely con" I mean the gentleman named Trad- veyed the idea of a man who had been dies." born, not to say with a silver spoon, but " Oh! Ay, ay! Indeed! " said my with a scaling-ladder, and had gone on host, with much diminished interest. mounting all the heights of life one af"Possibly." ter another, until now he looked, from " If it's really the same person," said the top of the fortifications, with the eye I, glancing towards him, "it was at a of a philosopher and a patron, on the place called Salem House where we people down in the trenches. were together, and he was an excellent My reflections on this theme were fellow." still in progress when dinner was an" 0 yes. Traddles is a good fellow," nounced. Mr. Waterbrook went down returned my host, nodding his head with Hamlet'saunt. Mr. Henry Spiker with an air of toleration. "Traddles took Mrs. Waterbrook. Agnes, whom is quite a good fellow." I should have liked to take myself, was "It's a curious coincidence," said I. given to a simpering fellow with weak "It is really," returned my host, legs. Uriah, Traddles, and I, as the "quite a coincidence, that Traddles junior part of the company, went down should be here at all: as Traddles was last, how we could. I was not so vexed only invited this morning, when the at losing Agnes as I might have beer, place at table, intended to be occupied since it gave me an opportunity ol by Mrs. Henry Spiker's brother, became making myself known to Traddles on vacant, in consequence of his indisposi- the stairs, who greeted me with great tion. A very gentlemanly man, Mrs. fervor: while Uriah writhed with such Henry Spiker's brother, Mr. Copper- obtrusive satisfaction and self-abasefield." ment, that I could gladly have pitched I murmured an assent, which was full him over the banisters. of feeling, considering that I knew noth- Traddles and I were separated at taing at all about him; and I inquired ble, being billeted in two remote corwhat Mr. Traddles was by profession. ners: he in the glare of a red velvet "Traddles," returned Mr. Water- lady: I, in the gloom of Hamlet's aunt. brook, " is a young man reading for the: The dinner was very long, and the conbar. Yes. He is quite a good fellow, versation was about the Aristocracynobody's enemy but his own." and Blood. Mrs. Waterbrook repeat"Is he his own enemy?" said I, edly told us, that if she had a weakness, sorry to hear this. it was Blood. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 31.'It occurred to me several times that and behavior, and may go a little wrong, ve should have got on better, if we had you know, and get themselves and other iot been quite so genteel. We were people into a variety of fixes - and all Do exceedingly genteel, that our scope that- but deuce take it, it's delightful,vas very limited. A Mr. and Mrs. to reflect that they've got Blood in'em! 3ulpidge were of the party, who had Myself, I'd rather at any time be omething to do at second-hand (at least, knocked down by a man who had got Iir. Gulpidge had) with the law busi- Blood in him, than I'd be picked up less of the Bank; and what with the by a man who had n't " Bank, and what with the Treasury, we This sentiment, as compressing the vere as exclusive as the Court Circular. general question into a nutshell, gave Fo mend the matter, Hamlet's aunt the utmost satisfaction, and brought the lad the family failing of indulging in gentleman into great notice until the oliloquy, and held forth in a desul- ladies retired. After that, I observed ory manner, by herself, on every topic that Mr. Gulpidge and Mr. Henry Spihat was introduced. These were few ker, who had hitherto been very distant, inough, to be sure; but as we always entered into a defensive alliance against ell back upon Blood, she had as wide us, the common enemy, and exchanged L field for abstract speculation as her a mysterious dialogue across the table iephew himself. for our defeat and overthrow. We might have been a party of Ogres, " That affair of the first bond for four he conversation assumed such a san- thousand five hundred pounds has not;uine complexion. taken the course that was expected, "I confess I am of Mrs. Water- Spiker," said Mr. Gulpidge. srook's opinion," said Mr. Waterbrook, "Doyou mean the D. of A.'s?" said vith his wine-glass at his eye. " Other Mr. Spiker. hings are all very well in their way, "The C. of B.'s? " said Mr. Gulp mt give me Blood!" idge. "0, there is nothing, " observed Ham- Mr. Spiker raised his eyebrows, and et's aunt, "so satisfactory to one! looked much concerned. [here is nothing that is so much one's " When the question was referred to ieau ideal of- of all that sort of thing, Lord- I need n't name him," said Mr.'peaking generally. There are some Gulpidge, checking himselfow minds (not many, I am happy to "I understand," said Mr. Spiker, )elieve, but there are some) that would "N." )refer to do what I should call bow Mr. Gulpidge darkly nodded - "was town before idols. Positively Idols I referred to him, his answer was,'Mon3efore services, intellect, and so on. ey, or no release.' " 3ut these are intangible points. Blood "Lord bless my soul!" cried Mr, s not so. We see Blood in a nose, and Spiker. ve know it. We meet with it in a chin, "' Money, or no release,'" repeated tnd we say,'There it is! That's Mr. Gulpidge, firmly. "The next in 3lood!' It is an actual matter of fact. reversion, - you understand me? " AVe point it out. It admits of no " K.," said Mr. Spiker, with an omiloubt." nous look. The simpering fellow with the weak "- K. then positively refused to egs, who had taken Agnes down, stated sign. He was attended at Newmarket he question more decisively yet I for that purpose, and he point-blank hought. refused to do it." " 0, you know, deuce take it," said Mr. Spiker was so interested, that he his gentleman, looking round the board became quite stony. vith an imbecile smile, "we can't fore- "So the matter rests at this hour," ro Blood, you know. We must have said Mr. Gulpidge, throwing himself Blood, you know. Some young fellows, back in his chair. "Our friend Water* opu know, may be a little behind their brook will excuse me if I forbear to station, perhaps, in point of education explain myself generally, on account 2ri iPERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE of the magnitude of the interests in- have remained there half the night; volved." but, having no excuse for staying any Mr. Waterbrook was only too happy, longer, when the lights of Mr. Wateras it appeared to me, to have such in- brook's society were all snuffed out, terests, and such names, even hinted at, I took my leave, very much against my across his table. He assumed an ex- inclination. I felt then, more than pression of gloomy intelligence (though ever, that she was my better Angel; I am persuaded he knew no more and if I thought of her sweet face, and about the discussion than I did), and placid smile, as though they had shone highly approved of the discretion that on me from some removed being, like had been observed. Mr. Spiker, after an Angel, I hope I thought no harm; the receipt of such a confidence, natu- I have said that the company were rally desired to favor his friend with a all gone; but I ought to have excepted confidence of his own; therefore the Uriah, whom I don't include in that foregoing dialogue was succeeded by denomination, and who had nevei another, in which it was Mr. Gulpidge's ceased to hover near us. He was close turn to be surprised, and that by anoth- behind me when I went down stairs. er in which the surprise came round to He was close beside me when I walked Mr. Spiker's turn again, and so on, away from the house, slowly fitting his turn and turn about. All this time we, long skeleton fingers into the still longthe outsiders, remained oppressed by er fingers of a great Guy Fawkes pan the tremendous interests involved in of Lloves. the conversation; and our host regarded It was in no disposition for Uriah's us with pride, as the victims of a salu- company, but in remembrance of -th tary awe and astonishment. entreaty Agnes had made to me, that 1 I was very glad indeed to get up asked him if he would come home tc stairs to Agnesi and to talk with her in my rooms, and have some coffee. a corner, and to introduce Traddles to " 0, really, Master Copperfield," he her, who was shy, but agreeable, and rejoined, -" I beg your pardon, Mis. the same good-natured creature still. ter Copperfield, but the other comes sc As he was obliged to leave early, on natural. - I don't like that you shoulc account of going away next morning for put a constraint upon yourself to ask a a month, I had not nearly so much con- numble person like me to your ouse. versation with him as I could have "There is no constraint in the case,' wished; but we exchanged addresses, said I. "Will you come?" and promised ourselves the pleasure of "I,should like to, very much," reanother meeting when he should come plied Uriah, with a writhe. back to town. He was greatly interested "Well, then, come along " said - to hear that I knew Steerforth, and spoke I could not help being rather short of him with such warmth that I made with him, but he appeared not to mine him tell Agnes what he thought of him. it. We went the nearest way, withou But Agnes only looked at me the while, conversing much upon the road; arK and very slightly shook her head when he was so humble in respect of thos only I observed her. scarecrow gloves, that he was still put As she was not among people with ting them on, and seemed to have macid whom I believed she could be very no advance in that labor, when we go much at home, I was almost glad to to my place. hear that she was going away within a I led him up the dark stairs, to pre few days, though I was sorry at the vent his knocking his head against any prospect of parting from her again so thing, and really his damp cold hani soon. This caused me to remain until felt so like a frog in mine, that I was all the company were gone. Convers- tempted to drop it and run away. Ag ing with her, and heanng her sing, was nes and hospitality prevailed, however such a delightful reminder to me of and I conducted him to my fireside my happy life in the grave old house When I lighted my candles, he -fil imt she had made so beautiful, that I could meek transports with the room that iwa OF D1A VID COPPERFIELD. S13 revealed to him; andwhen I heated the " What a prophet you have shown coffee in an unassuming block-tin vessel yourself, Mister Copperfield! " pursued in which Mrs. Crupp delighted to pre- Uriah. "Dear me, what a prophet pare it (chiefly, I believe, because it you have proved yourself to be I Don't was not intended for the purpose, being you remember saying to me once, that a shaving-pot, and because there was a perhaps I should be a partner in Mr. patent invention of great price moulder- Wickfield's business, and perhaps it ing away in the pantry), he professed so might be Wickfield and Heep I You much emotion, that I could joyfully may not recollect it; but when a person have scalded him. is umble, Master Copperfield, a person "'0, really Master Copperfield, - I treasures such things up! " mean Mister Copperfield," said Uriah, " I recollect talking about it," said I,'"to see you waiting upon me is what I "though I certainly did not think it never could have expected! But, one very likely then." way and another, so many things hap- "0, who would have thought it pen- to me which I never could have ex- likely, Mister Copperfield!" returned pected, I am sure, in my umble station, Uriah, enthusiastically. " I am sure I that. it seems to rain blessings on my did n't myself. I recollect saying with ed. You have heard something, I des- my own lips that I was much too umsay, of a change in my expectations, ble. So I considered myself really and Master Copperfield, I should say, Mis- truly." ter Copperfield? " He sat, with that carved grin on his As he sat on my sofa, with his long face, looking at the fire, as I looked at knees drawn up under his coffee-cup, him. his hat and gloves upon the ground "But the umblest persons, Master close to him, his spoon going softly Copperfield," he presently resumed, round and round, his shadowless red "may be the instruments of good. I eyes, which looked as if they had am glad to think I have been the scorched their lashes off, turned to- instrument of good to Mr. Wickfield, wards me without looking at me, the and that I may be more so. 0 what a disagreeable dints I have formerly de- worthy man he is, Mister Copperfield, scribed in his nostrils coming and going but how imprudent he has been! " with his breath, and a snaky undulation "I am sorry to hear it," said I. I pervading his frame from his chin to his could not help adding, rather pointedly, boots, I decided in. my own mind that " on all accounts." I disliked him intensely. It made me "Decidedly so, Mister Copperfield," very uncomfortable to have him for a replied Uriah. "On all accounts. guest, for I was young then, and un- Miss Agnes's above all. You don't used to disguise what I so strongly remember your own eloquent expresfelt. sions, Master Copperfield; but I remem" You have heard something, I des- ber how you said one day that everyr say, of a change in my expectations, body must admire her, and how I Master Copperfield —I should say, thanked you for it? You have forgot Mister Copperfield?" observed Uriah. that, I have no doubt, Master Copper"Yes,' said I, "something." field?" "Ah! I thought Miss Agnes would "No," said I, dryly. know of it!" he quietly returned. "O how glad I am, you have not! " "I'm glad to find Miss Agnes knows exclaimed Uriah. "To think that you of it. 0, thank you, Master- Mister should be the first to kindle the sparks Copperfield!" of ambition in my umble breast, and I could have thrown my bootjack at that you've not forgot it I 0!-Would him (it lay ready on the rug), for hav- you excuse me asking for a cup more ing entrapped me into the disclosure of coffee?" anything concerning Agnes, however Something in the emphasis he laid immaterial. But I only drank my cof- upon the kindling of those sparks, and fee. isomething in the.glance he directed at .I4 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE me as he said it, had made me start as pressed his own thumb down upoii it, if I had seen him illuminated by a blaze until it shook, and shook the room; of light. Recalled by his request, pre- If I had been obliged to look at him ferred in quite another tone of voice, with his splay foot on Mr. Wickfield's I did the honors of the shaving-pot; head, I think I could scarcely have but I did them with an unsteadiness of hated him more. hand, a sudden sense of being no match "0 dear, yes, Master Copperfield," for him, and a perplexed suspicious anx- he proceeded in a soft voice, most iety as to what he might be going to remarkably contrasting with the action say next, which I felt could not escape of his thumb, which did not diminish his observation. its hard pressure in the least degree, He said nothing at all. He stirred "there's no doubt of it. There would his coffee round and round, he sipped have been loss, disgrace, I don't know it, he felt his chin softly with his grisly what all. Mr. Wickfield knows it. 1 hand, he looked at the fire, he looked am the umble instrument of umbly servabout the room, he gasped rather than ing him, and he puts me on an eminence smiled at me, he writhed and undu- I hardly could have hoped to reach. lated about, in his deferential servility, How thankful should I be!" Witk he stirred and sipped again, but he his face turned towards me, as he finleft the renewal of the conversation to ished, but without looking at me, he me. took his crooked thumb off the spot "So, Mr. Wickfield," said I, at last, where he had planted it, and slowl) "who is worth five hundred of you- and thoughtfully scraped his lank jaw or me"; for my life, I think, I could with it, as if he were shaving himself.: not have helped dividing that part of I recollect well how indignantly m) the sentence with an awkward jerk; heart beat, as I saw his crafty face. "has been imprudent, has he, Mr. with the appropriately red light of the Heep?" fire upon it, preparing for something "0 very imprudent indeed, Master else. Copperfield," returned Uriah, sighing "Master Copperfield," he beganmodestly. "O, very much so I But I "but am I keeping you up?" wish you'd call me Uriah, if you please. "You are not keeping me up. I It's like old times." generally go to bed late." "Well! Uriah," said I, bolting it "Thank you, Master Copperfield out with some difficulty. I have risen from my umble statior "Thank you!" he returned, with since first you used to address me, it it fervor. "Thank you, Master Copper- true; but I am umble still. I hope I field! It's like the blowing of old never shall be otherwise than umble, breezes or the ringing of old bellses to You will not think the worse of m). hear you say Uriah. I beg your par- umbleness, if I make a little confidence don. Was I making any observation?" to you, Master Copperfield? Wil: "About Mr. Wickfield," I suggest- you?" ed. " 0 no," said I with an effort. "Oh! Yes, truly," said Uriah. "AhI "Thank you " He took out his Great imprudence, Master Copperfield. pocket-handkerchief, and began wiping It's a topic that I would n't touch upon, the palms of his hands. " Miss Agnes: to any soul but you. Even to you I Master Copperfield-" can only touch upon it, and no more. "Well, Uriah?" If any one else had been in my place " 0, how pleasant to be called Urial during the last few years, by this time spontaneously!" he cried; and gave he would have had Mr. Wickfield (0, himself a jerk, like a convulsive fish what a worthy man he is, Master Cop- " You thought her looking very beauti perfield, too!) under his thumb. Un - ful, to-night, Master Copperfield?" der-his thumb," said Uriah, very "I thought her looking -s she always slowly, as he stretched out his cruel- does: superior in all respeets to ever: looking hand above my table, and one around her," I returned. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 2X1 "0, thank you! It's so true " Master Copperfield), and how I smooth he cried. "0, thank you very much the way for him, and keep him straight. for that!" She's so much attached to her father, "Not atall," I said, loftily. "There Master Copperfield, (0, what a lovely is no reason why you should thank me." thing it is in a daughter!) that I think "Why that, Master Copperfield," she may come, on his account, to be said Uriah, "is in fact the confidence kind to me." that I am going to take the liberty of I fathomed the depth of the rascal's reposing. Umble as I am," he wiped whole scheme, and understood why he ihis hands harder, and looked at them laid it bare. and at the fire by turns, " umble as my "If you'11 have the goodness to keep mother is, and lowly as our poor but my secret, Master Copperfield," he purhonest roof has ever been, the image sued, " and not, in general, to go against of Miss Agnes (I don't mind trusting me, I shall take it as a particular favor. you with my secret, Master Copperfield, You would n't wish to make unpleasantfor I have always overflowed towards ness. I know what a friendly heart you since the first moment I had the you've got; but having only known me pleasure of beholding you in a pony- on my umble footing (on my umblest, shay) has been in my breast for years. I should say, for I am very umble still), 0 Master Copperfield, with what a pure you might, unbeknown, go against me affection do I love the ground my Agnes rather, with my Agnes. I call her walks on!" mine, you see, Master Copperfield. I believe I had a delirious idea of There's a song that says,'I'd crowns seizing the red-hot poker out of the fire, resign, to call her mine I' I hope to and running him through with it. It do it, one of these days." went from me with a shock, like a ball Dear Agnes! So much too loving fired from a rifle: but the image of Ag- and too good for any one that I could nes, outraged by so much as a thought think of, was it possible that she was of this red-headed animal's, remained reserved to be the wife of such a wretch in my mind when I looked at him, - as this! sitting all awry as if his mean soul "There's no hurry at present, you griped his body, - and made me giddy. know, Master Copperfield," Uriah proHe seemed to swell and grow before ceeded in his slimy way, as I sat gazmy eyes; the room seemed full of the ing at him, with this thought in my echoes of his voice; and the strange mind. " My Agnes is very young still; feeling (to which, perhaps, no one is and mother and me will have to work quite a stranger) that all this had oc- our way upards, and make a good many curred before, at some indefinite time, new arrangements, before' it would be and that I knew what he was going to quite convenient. So I shall have time say next, took possession of me. gradually to make her familiar with my A timely observation of the sense of hopes, as opportunities offer. 0, I'm power that there was in his face did so much obliged to you for this confimore to bring back to my remembrance dence! 0, it's such a relief you can't the entreaty of Agnes, in its full force, think, to know that you understand than any effort I could have made. I our situation, and are certain (as you asked him, with a better appearance of would n't wish to make unpleasantness composure than I could have thought in the family) not to go against me!" possible a minute before, whether he He took the hand which I dared not had made his feelings known to Agnes. withhold, and having given it a damp "0 no, Master Copperfield!" he re- squeeze, referred to his pale-faced turned; "0 dear, no!. Not to any watch. one but you. You see I am only just " Dear me!" he said, "it's past one. emerging from my lowly station. I rest The moments slip away so, in the confia good deal of hope on her observing dence of old times, Master Copperfield, bhow useful. I am to her father (for I that it's almost half past one!" trust to.be very useful to him, indeed, I answered that I had thought it was PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE t Ner. Not that I really thought so, but course for her peace was to do nothing, ]gcause my conversational powers were and to keep to myself what I had heard. f ctually scattered. If I went to sleep for a few moments,' Dear me!" he said, considering. the image of Agnes with her tender I The ouse that I am stopping at —a eyes, and of her father looking fondly tt of a private hotel and boarding- on her, as I had so often seen' him use, Master Copperfield, near the look, arose before me with appealing lw River ed-will have gone to bed faces, and filled me with vague terrors. ph.se two hours." When I awoke, the recollection that'Iam sorry," I returned, "thatthere's Uriah was lying in the next room sat Only one bed here, and that I-" heavy on me like a waking nightO, don't think of mentioning beds, mare; and oppressed me with a leadea Master Copperfield!" he rejoined, ec- dread, as if I had had some meaner statically, drawing up one leg. "But quality of devil for a lodger. weald you have any objections to my The poker got into my dozing aying down before the fire?" thoughts besides, and wouldn't come' If it comes to that," I said, "pray out. I thought, between sleeping and tke my bed, and I'11 lie down before waking, that it was still red hot, and t, fire." I had snatched it out of the fire, and I His repudiation of this offer was al- run him through the body. I was- so gst8t shrill enough, in the excess of its haunted at last by the idea, though I iayprise and humility, to have penetrat- knew there was nothing in it, that I e4 to the ears of Mrs. Crupp, then sleep- stole into the next room to look at ig, I suppose, in a distant chamber, him. There I saw him, lying on his pituated at about the level of low-water back, with his legs extending to I'sark, soothed in her slumbers by the don't know where, gurglings taking ticking of an incorrigible clock, to which place in his throat, stoppages in his'hie always referred me when we had nose, and his mouth open like a postpny little difference on the score of office. He was so much worse in renunctuality, and which was never less ality than in my distempered fancy, ihin three quarters of an hour too that afterwards I was attracted to him slow, and had always been put right in very repulsion, and could not help in the morning by the best authorities. wandering in and out every half-hour As no arguments I could urge, in my or so, and taking another look at him. bewildered condition, had the least ef- Still, the long, long night seemed heavy feet upon his modesty in inducing him and hopeless as ever, and no promise of to accept my bedroom, I was obliged day was in the murky sky. to make the best arrangements I could, When I saw him going down stairs for his repose before the fire. The early in the morning (for, thank Heavmattress of the sofa (which was a great en! he would not stay to breakfast), it deal too short for his lank figure), the appeared to me as if the night was gosofa pillows, a blanket, the table-cover, ing away in his person. When I went a clean breakfast-cloth, and a great- out to the Commons, I charged Mrs. coat, made him a bed and covering, Crupp with particular directions to for which he was more than thankful. leave the windows open, that my sitHaving lent him a nightcap, which he ting-room might be aired, and purged put on at once, and in which he made of his presence. such an awful figure that I have never worn one since, I left him to his rest. I never shall forget that night. I never shall forget how I turned and CHAPTER XXVL tumbled; how I wearied myself with thinking about Agnes and this creature; I FALL INTO CAPTIVITY.'how I considered what could I do, and what ought I to do; how I could come I SAW no more of Uriah Heep, until to no other conclusion than that the best the day when Agnes left town. I wa OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 217 at the coach-office to take leave of her farewell from the coach-window; her and see her go; and there was he, re- evil genius writhing on the roof, as if he turning to Canterbury by the same con- had her in his clutches and triumphed. veyance. It was some small satisfaction I could not get over this farewell to me to observe his spare, short-waist- glimpse of them for along time. When ed, high-shouldered, mulberry-colored Agnes wrote to tell me of her safe argreat-coat perched up, in company with rival, I was as miserable as when I saw an umbrella like a small tent, on the her going away. Whenever I fell into edge of the back seat on the roof, while a thoughtful state, this subject was sure Agnes was, of course, inside; but what to present itself, and all my uneasiness I underwent in my efforts to be friendly was sure to be redoubled. Hardly a with him, while Agnes looked on, per- night passed without my dreaming of it. haps deserved that little recompense. It became a part of my life, and as inAt the coach-window, as at the dinner- separable from my life as my own head. party, he hovered about us without a I had ample leisure to refine upon my moment's intermission, like a great vul- uneasiness: for Steerforth was at Oxture: gorging himself on every syllable ford, as he wrote to me, and when I was that I said to Agnes, or Agnes said to not at the Commons, I was very much me. alone. I believe I had at this time In the state of trouble into which his some lurking distrust of Steerforth. I disclosure by my fire had thrown me, I wrote to him most affectionately in rehad thought very much of the words ply to his, but I think I was glad, upon Agnes had used in reference to the part- the whole, that he could not come to nership. "I did what I hope was right. London just then. I suspect the truth Feeling sure that it was necessary for to be, that the influence of Agnes was papa's peace that the sacrifice should upon me, undisturbed by the sight of be made, I entreated him to make it." him; and that it was the more powerA miserable foreboding that she would ful with me, because she had so large a yield to, and sustain herself by the same share in my thoughts and interest. feeling in reference to any sacrifice for In the mean time, days and weeks his sake, had oppressed me ever since. slipped away. I was articled to SpenI knew how she loved him. I knew low and Jorkins. I had ninety pounds what the devotion of her nature was. a year (exclusive of my house-rent and I knew from her own lips that she regard- sundry collateral matters) from my aunt. ed herself as the innocent cause of his My rooms were engaged for twelve errors, and as owing him a great debt months certain: and though I still found she ardently desired to pay. I had no them dreary of an evening, and the consolation in seeing how different she evenings long, I could settle down into was from this detestable Rufus with the a state of equable low spirits, and mulberry-colored great-coat, for I felt resign myself to coffee; which I seem, that in the very difference between them, on looking back, to have taken by the in the self-denial of her pure soul and gallon at about this period of my existthe sordid baseness of his, the greatest ence. At about this time, too, I made danger lay. All this, doubtless, he knew three discoveries: first, that Mrs. Crupp thoroughly, and had, in his cunning, was a martyr to a curious disorder considered well. called "the spazzums," which was genYet I was so certain that the pros- erally accompanied with inflammation pect of such a sacrifice afar off must of the nose, and required to be constantdestroy the happiness of Agnes; and ly treated with peppermint; secondly, I was so sure, from her manner, of its that something peculiar in the temperabeing unseen by her then, and having ture of my pantry made the brandy cast no shadow on her yet; that I could bottles burst; thirdly, that I was alone as soon have injured her, as given her in the world, and much given to record any warning of what impended. Thus that circumstance in fragments of Engit was that we parted without explana- lish versification. tioh: she waving her hand and smiling On the day when I was articled, no ?t8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE festivity took place, beyond my having to a calculation I made, it was rather sandwiches and sherry into the office late in the day before we finished. for the clerks, and going alone to the However, we got him excommunicated theatre at night. I went to see " The for six weeks, and sentenced in no end Stranger" as a Doctors' Commons sort of costs; and then the baker's proctor, of play, and was so dreadfully cut up, and the judge, and the advocates on that I hardly knew myself in my own both sides (who were all nearly related) glass when I got home. Mr. Spenlow went out of town together, and Mr. remarked, on this occasion, when we Spenlow and I drove away in the concluded our business, that he should phaeton. have been happy to have seen me at The phaeton was a very handsome his house at Norwood to celebrate our affair; the horses arched their necks becoming connected, but for his domes- and lifted up their legs as if they knew tic arrangements being in some dis- they belonged to Doctors' Commons. order, on account of the expected re- There was a good deal of competition turn of his daughter from finishing her in the Commons on all points of diseducation at Paris. But he intimated play, and it turned out some very choice that, when she came home, he should equipages then; though I always have hope to have the pleasure of entertain- considered, and always shall consider, ing me. I knew that he was a widower that in my time the great article of comwith one daughter, and expressed my petition there -was starch; which I acknowledgments. think was worn among the proctors to Mr. Spenlow was as good as his word. as great an extent as it is the nature of In a week or two he referred to this man to bear. engagement, and said that if I would We were very pleasant going down, do him the favor to come down next and Mr. Spenlow gave me some hints Saturday, and stay till Monday, he in reference to my profession. He would be extremely happy. Of course said it was the genteelest profession I said I would do him the favor; and in the world, and must on no account he was to drive me down in his phae- be confounded with the profession of ton, and to bring me back. a solicitor: being quite another sort When the day arrived, my very car- of thing, infinitely more exclusive, less pet-bag was an object of veneration to mechanical, and more profitable. We the stipendiary clerks, to whom the took things much more easily in the house at Norwood was a sacred mys- Commons than they could be taken tery. One of them informed me that anywhere else, he observed, and that he had heard that Mr. Spenlow ate en- set us, as a privileged class, apart. He tirely off plate and china; and another said it was impossible to conceal the hinted at champagne being constantly disagreeable fact, that we were chiefly on draught, after the usual custom of employed by solicitors; but he gave table beer. The old clerk with the wig, me to understand that they were an whose name was Mr. Tiffy, had been inferior race of men, universally looked down on business several times in the down upon by all proctors of any precourse of his career, and had on each tensions. occasion penetrated to the breakfast- I asked Mr. Spenlow what he considparlor. He described it as an apart- ered the best sort of professional busiment of the most sumptuous nature, ness? He replied, that a good case of and said that he had drunk brown a disputed will, where there was a neat East India sherry there, of a quality so little estate of thirty or forty thousand precious as to make a man wink. pounds, was, perhaps, the best of all. We had an adjourned cause in the In such a case, he said, not only were Consistory that day — about excommu- there very pretty pickings in the way of nicating a baker who had been object- arguments at every stage of the proing in a vestry to a paving-rate -and ceedings, and mountains upon mounas the evidence was just twice the tains of evidence on interrogatory and length of Robinson Crusoe, according counter-interrogatory (tp say nothingof OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 219 in appeal lying, first to the Delegates, Mr. Spenlow made out, I respectfully and then to the Lords), but the costs deferred to his opinion. That about the being pretty sure to come out of the price of wheat per bushel I modestly estate at last, both sides went at it in felt was too much for my strength, and a lively and spirited manner, and ex- quite settled the question. I have nevpense was no consideration. Then he er, to this hour, got the better of that launched into a general eulogium on bushel of wheat. It has reappeared to the Commons. What was to be par- annihilate me, all through my life, in ticularly admired (he said) in the Com- connection with all kind of subjects. I mons was its compactness. It was the don't know now exactly what it has to most conveniently organized place in the do with me, or what right it has to world. It was the complete idea of crush me, on an infinite variety of ocsnugness. It lay in a nutshell. For casions; but whenever I see my old example: You brought a divorce case, friend the bushel brought in by the or a restitution case, in to the Consis- head and shoulders (as he always is, I tory. Very good. You tried it in the observe), I give up a subject for lost. Consistory. You made a quiet little This is a digression. I was not the round game of it among a family group, man to touch the Commons, and bring and you played it out at leisure. Sup- down the country. I submissively expose you were not satisfied with the pressed, by my silence, my acquiescence Consistory, what did you do then? in all I had heard from my superior Why, you went into the Arches. What in years and knowledge; and we talked was the Arches? The same court, in about " The Stranger " and the Drama, the same room, with the same bar, and and the pair of horses, until we came to the same practitioners, but another Mr. Spenlow's gate. judge, for there the Consistory judge There was a lovely garden to Mr. could plead any court-day as an advo- Spenlow's house; and though that was cate. Well, you played your round not the best time of the year for seeing game out again. Still you were not a garden, it was so beautifully kept, satisfied. Very good. What did you that I was quite enchanted. There was do then? Why, you went to the Dele- a charming lawn, there were clusters of gates. Who were the Delegates? Why, trees, and there were perspective walks the Ecclesiastical Delegates were the that I could just distinguish in the dark, advocates without any business, who arched over with trellis-work, on which had looked on at the round game when shrubs and flowers grew in the growing it was playing in both courts, and had season. "Here Miss Spenlow walks seen the cards shuffled, and cut, and by herself," I thought. "Dear me! " played, and had talked to. all the play- We went into the house, which was ers about it, and now came fresh, as cheerfully lighted up, and into a hall judges, to settle the matter to the sat- where there were all sorts of hats, caps, isfaction of everybody! Discontented great-coats, plaids, gloves, whips, and people might talk of corruption in the walking-sticks. "Where is Miss DoCommons, closeness in the Commons, ra?" said Mr. Spenlow to the servant. and the necessity of reforming the "Dora!" I thought. "What a beauCommons, said Mr. Spenlow, solemnly, tiful name!" in conclusion; but when the price of We turned into a room near at hand wheat per bushel had been highest, the (I think it was the identical breakfastCommons had been busiest; and a room, made memorable by the brown man might lay his hand upon his heart, East India sherry), and I heard a voice and say this to the whole world,- say, "Mr. Copperfield, my daughter "Touch the Commons, and down Dora, and my daughter Dora's conficomes the country " dential friend! " It was, no doubt, Mr. I listened to all this with attention; Spenlow's voice, but I didn't know it, and though, I must say, I had my and I didn't care whose it was. All doubts whether the country was quite was over in a moment. I had fulfilled as'much obliged to the Commons as my destiny. I was a captive and a 0e20 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXP-RIENCE slave. I loved Dora Spenlow to dis- protection as of assault. But as I had traction! none but passing thoughts for any sub; She was more than human to me. ject save Dora, I glanced at her, directShe was a Fairy, a Sylph, I don't know ly afterwards, and was thinking that I what she was, —anything that no one saw, in her prettily pettish manner, that ever saw, and everything that every- she was not very much inclined to be body ever wanted. I was swallowed up particularly confidential to her companin an abyss of love in an instant. There ion and protector, when a bell rang, was no pausing on the brink; no look- which Mr. Spenlowsaid was the first dining down, or looking back; I was ner-bell, and so carried me off to dress. gone, headlong, before I had sense to The idea of dressing one's self, or say a word to her. doing anything in the way of action, in "I," observed a well-remembered that state of love, was a little too ridicvoice, when I had bowed and mur- ulous. I could only sit down before my mured something, " have seen Mr. Cop- fire, biting the key of my carpet-bag, perfield before." and think of the captivating, girlish, The speaker was not Dora. No; the bright-eyed, lovely Dora. What a form confidential friend, Miss Murdstone! she had, what a face she had, what a I don't think I was much astonished. graceful, variable, enchanting manner! To the best of my judgment, no capaci- The bell rang again so soon that I ty of astonishment was left in me. made a mere scramble of my dressing, There was nothing worth mentioning in instead of the careful operation I could the material world, but Dora Spenlow, have wished under the circumstances, to be astonished about. I said, " How and went down stairs. There was some do you do, Miss Murdstone? I hope company. Dora was talking to an old you are well." She answered, "Very gentleman with a gray head. Gray as well." I said, "How is Mr. Murd- he was,- and a great-grandfather into stone? " She replied, "My brother is the bargain, for he said so, - I was robust, I am obliged to you." madly jealous of him. Mr. Spenlow, who, I suppose, had What a state of mind I was in t I been surprised to see us recognize each was jealous of everybody. I couldn't other, then put in his word. bear the idea of anybody knowing Mr. "I am glad to find," he said, "Cop- Spenlow better than I did. It was torperfield, that you and Miss Murdstone turing to me to hear them talk of ocare already acquainted." currences in which I had had no share. "Mr. Copperfield and myself," said When a most amiable person, with a Miss Murdstone, with severe compo- highly polished bald head, asked me, sure, "are connections. We were once across the dinner-table, if that were the slightly acquainted. It was in his child- first occasion of my seeing the grounds, ish days. Circumstances have sepa- I could have done anything to him that rated us since. I should not have was savage and revengeful. known him." I don't remember who was there, I replied that I should have known except Dora. I have not the least idea her anywhere. Which was true enough. what we had for dinner, besides Dora. " Miss Murdstone has had the good- My impression is, that I dined off Dora ness," said Mr. Spenlow to me, "to entirely, and sent away half a dozen accept the office - if I may so describe plates untouched. I sat nextto her. I it -of my daughter Dora's confidential talked to her. She had the most defriend. My daughter Dora having, un- lightful little voice, the gayest little happily, no mother, Miss Murdstone is laugh, the pleasantest and most fatciobliging enough to become her com- natmg little ways, that ever led a lopt panion and protector." youth into hopeless slavery. She was A passing thought occurred to me rather diminutive altogether. So much that Miss Murdstone, like the pocket the more precious, I thought. instrument called a life-preserver, was When she went out of the room with not so much designed for purposes of Miss Murdstone (no other ladiehs-mi OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 2B of the party), I fell into a revery, only opinion of you. You may have -your disturbed by the cruel apprehension opinion of me." that Miss Murdstone would disparage I inclined my head, in my turn, me to her. The amiable creature with "But it is not necessary," said Miss the polished head told me a long story, Murdstone, "that these opinions should which I think was about gardening. I come into collision here. Under existthink I heard him say, " My gardener," ing circumstances, it is as well on all several times. I seemed to pay the accounts that they should not. As the deepest attention to him, but I was chances of life have brought us together wandering in a garden of Eden all the again, and may bring us together on while with Dora. other occasions, I would say, let us meet -My apprehensions of being dispar- here as distant acquaintances. Family agd to the object of my engrossing circumstances are a sufficient reason for affection were revived when we went our only meeting on that footing, and it into the drawing-room, by the grim and is quite unnecessary that either of us distant aspect of Miss Murdstone. But should make the other the subject of X was relieved of them in an unexpected remark. Do you approve of this?" manner. "Miss Murdstone," I returned, "I "David Copperfield," said Miss think you and Mr. Murdstone used me Murdstone, beckoning me aside into a' very cruelly, and treated my mother window. "A word." with great unkindness. I shall always I confronted Miss Murdstone alone. think so, as long as I live. But I quite "David Copperfield," said Miss agree in what you propose." Murdstone, " I need not enlarge upon Miss Murdstone shut her eyes again, family circumstances. They are not a and bent her head. Then, just touchtempting subject." ing the back of my hand with the tips Far from it, ma'am," I returned. of her cold stiff fingers, she walked "Far from it," assented Miss Murd- away, arranging the little fetters on stone. "I do not wish to revive the her wrists and round her neck: which memory of past differences, or of past seemed to be the same set, in exactly outrages. I have received outrages the same state, as when I had seen her from a person - a female I am sorry to last. These reminded me, in reference say, for the credit of my sex —who is to Miss Murdstone's nature, of the fetnot to be mentioned without scorn and ters over a jail-door; suggesting on the disgust; and therefore I would rather outside, to all beholders, what was to not mention her." be expected within. I felt very fiery on my aunt's account; All I know of the rest of the evening but I said it would certainly be better, if is, that I heard the empress of my heart Miss Murdstone pleased, not to men- sing enchanted ballads in the French tion her. I could not hear her disre- language, generally to the effect that, spectfully mentioned, I added, without whatever was the matter, we ought alexpressing my opinion in a decided ways to dance, Ta ra la, Ta ra la I actone. companying herself on a glorified inMiss Murdstone shut her eyes, and strument, resembling a guitar. That I disdainfully inclined her head; then, was lost in blissful delirium. That I slowly opening her eyes, resumed:- refused refreshment. That my soul "David Copperfield, I shall not at- recoiled from punch particularly. That tempt to disguise the fact that I formed when Miss Murdstone took her into an unfavorable opinion of you in your custody and led her away, she smiled childhood. It may have been a mis- and gave me her delicious hand. That taken one, or you may have ceased to I caught a view of myself in a mirror, justify it. That is not in question be- looking perfectly imbecile and idiotic. tween us now. I belong to a family, That I retired to bed in a most maudlin remarkable, I believe, for some firm- state of mind, and got up in a crisis of ness; and I am not the creature of cir- feeble infatuation. cumstance or change. I may have my It was a fine morning an early, and 22i PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I thought I would go and take a stroll Dora, " or that the weather has really down one of those wire-arched walks, changed?" and indulge my passion by dwelling on I stammered worse than before, in her image. On my way through the replying that I meant no compliment, hall, I encountered her little dog, who but the plain truth; though I was not was called Jip-short for Gypsy. I aware of any change having taken approached him tenderly, for I loved place in the weather. It was in the even him; but he showed his whole set state of my own feelings I added, bashof teeth, got under a chair expressly to fully, to clench the explanation. snarl, and wouldn't hear of the least I never saw such curls - how could familiarity. I, for there never were such curls! - The garden was cool and solitary. I as those' she shook out to hide her walked about, wondering what my feel- blushes. As to the straw hat and blue ings of happiness would be, if I could ribbons which was on the top of the.ever become engaged to this dear won- curls, if I could only have hung it up der. As to marriage, and fortune, and in my room in Buckingham Street, all that, I believe I was almost as inno- what a priceless possession it would cently undesigning then as when I have been I loved little Em'ly. To be allowed to "You have just come home from call her "Dora," to write to her, to Paris," said I. dote upon and worship her, to have "Yes," said she. "Have you ever reason to think that when she was with been there?" other people she was yet mindful of me, " No." seemed to me the summit of human "O, I hope you'll go soon! You ambition: I am sure it was the summit would like it so much!" of mine. There is no doubt whatever Traces of deep-seated anguish apthat I was a lackadaisical young spoon- peared in my countenance. That she ey: but there was a purity of heart in should hope I would go, that she should all this still, that prevents my having think it possible I could go, was insupquite a contemptuous recollection of it, portable. I depreciated Paris; I delet me laugh as I may. preciated France. I said I would n't I had not been walking long, when I leave England, under existing circumturned a comer, and met her. I tingle stances, for any earthly consideration. again from head to foot as my recollec- Nothing should induce me. In short, tion turns that corer, and my pen she was shaking the curls again, when shakes in my hand. the little dog came running along the "You-are-out early, Miss Spen- walk to our relief. low," said I. He was mortally jealous of me, and "It's so stupid at home," she re- persisted in barking at me. She took plied, " and Miss Murdstone is so ab- him up in her arms- 0 my goodness I surd! She talks such nonsense about — and caressed him, but he insisted its being necessary for the day to be upon barking still. He wouldn't let aired, before I come out. Aired!" me touch him, when I tried; and then (She laughed here, in the most melodi- she beat him. It increased my sufferous manner.) "On a Sunday morning, ings greatly to see the pats she gave him when I don't practise, I must do some- for punishment on the bridge of his thing. So I told papa last night I blunt nose, while he winked his eyes, must come out. Besides, it's the and licked her hand, and still growled brightest time of the whole day. Don't within himself like a little double-bass, you think so? " At length he was quiet, - well he might I hazarded a bold flight, and said be with her dimpled chin upon his (not without stammering) that it was head!-and we walked away to look very bright to me then, though it had at a greenhouse. been very dark to me a minute be- "You are not very intimate with fore. Miss Murdstone, are you?" said DozLh; "Do you mean a compliment?" said - " My pet." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. *23. (The two last words were to the dog. I see a straw hat and blue ribbons, and 0, if they had only been to me!) a quantity of curls, and a little black "No," I replied. "Not at all so." dog being held up, in two slender arms, "She is a tiresome creature," said against a bank of blossoms and bright Dora, pouting. "I can't think what leaves. papa can have been about, when he Miss Murdstone had been looking for chose such a vexatious thing to be my us. She found us here; and presented companion. Who wants a protector? her uncongenial cheek, the little wrinI am sure I don't want a protector. kles in it filled with hair-powder, to Jip can protect me a great deal better Dora to be kissed. Then she took Dothan Miss Murdstone, - can't you, Jip, ra's arm in hers, and marched us in to dear?" breakfast as if it were a soldier's funeral. He only winked lazily, when she How many cups of tea I drank, bekissed his ball of a head. cause Dora made it, I don't know. "Papa calls her my confidential friend, But I perfectly remember that I sat but I am sure she is no such thing - swilling tea until my whole nervous sysis she, Jip? We are not going to con- tem, if I had had any in those days, fide' in such cross people, Jip and I. must have gone by the board. By and We mean to bestow our confidence by we went to church. Miss Murdwhere we like, and to find out our own stone was between Dora and me in the friends, instead of having them found pew; but I heard her sing, and the conout for us -don't we, Jip?" gregation vanished. A sermon was deJip made a comfortable noise, in an- livered, - about Dora, of course, - and swer, a little like a tea-kettle when it I am afraid that is all I know of the sings. As for me, every word was a service. new heap of fetters, riveted above the We had a quiet day. No company, a last. walk, a family dinner of four, and an "It is very hard, because we have not evening of looking over books and pica kind mamma, that we are to have, in- tures; Miss Murdstone, with a homily stead, a sulky, gloomy old thing like before her, and her eye upon us, keepMiss Murdstone, always following us ing guard vigilantly. Ah! little did about- isn't it, Jip? Never mind, Jip. Mr. Spenlow imagine, when he sat opWe won't be confidential, and we'11 posite to me after dinner that day, with make ourselves as happy as we can in his pocket-handkerchief over his head, spite of her, and we'11 tease her, and how fervently I was embracing him, in not please her- won't we, Jip?" my fancy, as his son-in-law! Little did If it had lasted any longer, I think I he think, when I took leave of him at must have gone down on my knees on night, that he had just given his full the gravel, with the probability before consent to my being engaged to Dora, me of grazing them, and of being pres- and that I was invoking blessings on ently ejected from the premises besides. his head I But, by good fortune, the greenhouse We departed early in the morning, was not far off, and these words brought for we had a Salvage case coming on in us to it. the Admiralty Court, requiring a rather It contained quite a show of beautiful accurate knowledge of the whole science geraniums. We loitered along in front of navigation, in which (as we couldn't of them, and Dora often stopped to ad- be expected to know much about those mire this one or that one, and I stopped matters in the Commons) the judge had to admire the same one, and Dora, entreated two old Trinity Masters, for laughing, held the dog up childishly, charity's sake, to come and help him to smell the flowers; and if we were not out. Dora was at the breakfast-table all three in Fairy-land, certainly I was. to make the tea again, however; and I The scent of a geranium leaf, at this had the melancholy pleasure of taking day, strikes me with a half-comical, half- off my hat to her in the phaeton, as she serious wonder as to what change has stood on the door-step with Jip in her come over me in a moment; and then arms. 224 PERSONAL HISTORY AND: EXPERIENCE What the Admiralty was to me that was quite knocked up. Sometimes, at day; what nonsense I made of our case long intervals and on rare occasions, I in my mind, as I listened to it; how I saw her. Perhaps I saw her glove saw "DORA " engraved upon the blade waved in a carriage window; perhaps I of the silver oar which they lay upon the met her, walked with her and Miss table, as the emblem of that high juris- Murdstone a little way, and spoke to diction; and how I felt when Mr. Spen- her. In the latter case I was always low went home without me (I had had very miserable afterwards, to think that. an insane hope that he might take me I had said nothing to the purpose; or back again), as if I were a mariner my- that she had no idea of the extent of self, and the ship to which I belonged my devotion, or that she cared nothing had sailed away and left me on a desert about me. I was always looking out, as island; I shall make no fruitless effort may be supposed, for another invitation to describe. If that sleepy old court to Mr. Spenlow's house. I was always could rouse itself, and present in any being disappointed, for I got none. visible form the day-dreams I have had Mrs. Crupp must have been a woman in it about Dora, it would reveal my of penetration; for when this attachtruth. ment was but a few weeks old, and I I don't mean the dreams that I had not had the courage to write more dreamed on that day alone, but day explicitly even to Agnes than that I had after day, from week to week, and term been to Mr. Spenlow's house, " whose to term. I went there, not to attend to family," I added, "consists of one what was going on, but to think about daughter," -I say Mrs. Crupp must Dora. If ever I bestowed a thought have been a woman of penetration, for, upon the cases,. as they dragged their even in that early stage, she found it slow length before me, it was only to out. She came up to me one evening, wonder, m the matrimonial cases (re- when I was very low, to ask (she bemembering Dora) how it was that mar- ing then afflicted with the disorder I ried people could ever be otherwise than have mentioned) if I could oblige her happy; and, in the Prerogative cases, with a little tincture of cardamums to consider, if the money in question mixed with rhubarb, and flavored with had been left to me, what were the fore- seven drops of the essence of cloves, most steps I should immediately have which was the best remedy for her comtaken in regard to Dora. Within the plaint; or, if I had not such a thing first week of my passion, I bought four by me, with a little brandy, which was sumptuous waistcoats, - not for myself; the next best. It was not, she remarked, I had no pride in them; for Dora, - so palatable to her, but it was the next and took to wearing straw-colored kid best. As I had never even heard of gloves in the streets, and laid the foun- the first remedy, and always had the dations of all the corns I have ever had. second in the closet, I gave Mrs. Crupp If the boots I wore at that period could a glass of the second, which (that I only be produced and compared with might have no suspicion of its being the natural size of my feet, they would devoted to any improper use) she began show what the state of my heart was, in to take in my presence. a most affecting manner. " Cheer up, sir," said Mrs. Crupp, And yet, wretched cripple as I made "I can't abear to see you so, sir, I'm myself by this act of homage to Dora, I a mother myself." walked miles upon miles daily in the I did not quite perceive the applicahope of seeing her. Not only was I tion of this fact to myself, but I smiled soon as well known on the Norwood on Mrs. Crupp as benignly as was in Road as the postman on that beat, but my power. I pervaded London likewise. I walked " Come, sir," said Mrs. Crupp. " Exabout the streets where the best shops cuse me. I know what it is, sir. There's for ladies were, I haunted the Bazaar a lady in the case." like an unquiet spirit, I fagged through "Mrs. Crupp " I returned, redethe Park agair and again, long after I n ing, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 225."O bless you! Keep a good heart, "Mrs. Crupp," said I, "I must beg. sir l" said Mrs. Crupp, nodding en- you not to connect the young lady in couragement. "Never say die, sir! If my case with a bar-maid, or anything she don't smile upon you, there's a of that sort, if you please." many as will. You're a young gentle- "Mr. Copperfull," returned Mrs. man to be smiled on, Mr. Copperfull, Crupp, "I'm a mother myself, and not and you must learn your walue, sir." likely. I ask your pardon, sir, if I inM rs. Crupp always called me Mr. trude. I should never wish to intrude Copperfull: firstly, no doubt, because where I were not welcome. But you it was not my name; and secondly, I are a young gentleman, Mr. Copperfull, am inclined to think, in some indistinct and my adwice to you is, to cheer up, association with a washing-day. sir, to keep a good heart, and to know " What makes you suppose there is your own walue. If you was to take to say young lady in the case, Mrs. something, sir," said Mrs. Crupp, "if Crupp?" said I. you was to take to skittles, now, which "Mr. Copperfull," said Mrs. Crupp, is healthy, you might find it divert your sith a great deal of feeling, "I'm a mind, and do you good." notter myself." With these words, Mrs. Crupp, afFor some time Mrs. Crupp could fecting to be very careful of the brandy >nly lay her hand upon her nankeen - which was all gone- thanked me )osom, and fortify herself against re- with a majestic courtesy, and retired. urning pain with sips of her medicine. As her figure disappeared into the It length she spoke again. gloom of the entry, this counsel certain" When the present set were took for ly presented itself to my mind in the'on by your dear aunt, Mr. Copper- light of a slight liberty on Mrs. Crupp's all," said Mrs. Crupp, "my remark part; but, at the same time, I was con-. vere, I had now found summun I could tent to receive it, in another point of are for.'Thank Ev'in!' were the view, as a word to the wise, and a warnxpression,'I have now found summun ing in future to keep my secret better. can care for I'- You don't eat nough, sir, nor yet drink." "Is that what you found your suposition on, Mrs. Crupp? " said I. CHAPTER XXVII. "Sir," said Mrs. Crupp, in a tone pproaching to severity, "I've laun- TOMMY TRADDLES. ressed other young gentlemen besides Durself. A young gentleman may be IT may have been in consequence of ver-careful of himself, or he may be Yrs. Crupp's advice, and perhaps for nder-careful of himself. He may no better reason than because there rush his hair too regular, or too un- was a certain similarity in the sound of gular. He may wear his boots much the words skittles and Traddles, that it,o large for him, or much too small. came into my head, next day, to go and hat is according as the young gentle- look after Traddles. The time he had an has his original character formed. mentioned was more than out, and he ut- let him go to which extreme he lived in a little street near the Veteriay, sir, there's a young lady in both nary College at Camden Town, which'em." was principally tenanted, as one of our Mrs. Crupp shook her head in such a clerks who lived in that direction in-.termined manner, that I had not an formed me, by gentlemen students, who ch of'vantage-ground left. bought live donkeys, and made experi"It was but the gentleman which ments on those quadrupeds in their pried here before yourself," said Mrs. vate apartments. Having obtained from rupp, "'that fell m love -with a bar- this clerk a direction to the academic aid —and had his waistcoats took in grove in question, I set out, the same rectly, though much swelled by drink- afternoon, to visit my old schoolfellow. ~g/, >I found that the street was not as deIs 226 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE sirable a one as I could have wished it The voice of the youthful servant beto be, for the sake of Traddles. The came faint, but she seemed to me, from inhabitants appeared to have a propen- the action of her lips, again to mursity to throw any little trifles they were mur that it would be attended to imnot in want of into the road: which mediate. not only made it rank and sloppy, but "I tell you what," said the milkman, untidy too, on account of the cabbage- looking hard at her for the first time, leaves. The refuse was not wholly vege- and taking her by the chin, "are you table either; for I myself saw a shoe, fond of milk?" a doubled-up saucepan, a black bonnet, "Yes, I likes it," she replied. and an umbrella, in various stages of "Good," said the milkman. "Then decomposition, as I was looking out for you won't have none to-morrow. D' ye the number I wanted. hear? Not a fragment of milk you The general air of the place reminded won't have to-morrow." me forcibly of the days when I lived I thought she seemed, upon the whole, with Mr. and Mrs. Micawber. An in- relieved by the prospect of having any describable character of faded gentility to-day. The milkman, after shaking that attached to the house I sought, his head at her, darkly, released her and made it unlike all the other houses chin, and with anything rather than in the street, —though they were all good-will opened his can, and deposited built on one monotonous pattern, and the usual quantity in the family jug. looked like the early copies of a blun- This done, he went away, muttering, dering boy who was learning to make and uttered the cry of his trade next houses, and had not yet got out of his door, in a vindictive shriek. cramped brick and mortar pothooks, - "Does Mr. Traddles live here?" I reminded me still more of Mr. and then inquired. Mrs. Micawber. Happening to arrive A mysterious voice from the end of the at the dogr as it was opened to the af- passage replied, "Yes." Upon whici ternoon milkman, I was reminded of the youthful servant replied, "Yes." Mr. and Mrs. Micawber more forcibly " Is he at home?" said I. yet. Again the mysterious voice replied ir "Now," said the milkman to a very the affirmative, and again the servan youthful servant-girl, "has that there echoed it. Upon this, I walked in, ant little bill of mine been heard on?" in pursuance of the servant's directioni " 0, master says he'11 attend to it im- walked up stairs; conscious, as I passe( mediate," was the reply. the back-parlor door, that I was sur "Because," said the milkman, going veyed by a mysterious eye, probabl on as if he had received no answer, and belonging to the mysterious voice. speaking, as I judged from his tone, When I got to the top of the stairs rather for the edification of somebody -the house was only a story higl within the house than of the youthful above the ground floor, -Traddles wa servant,- an impression which was on the landing to meet me. He wa strengthened by his manner of glaring delighted to see me, and gave me wel down the passage, -" because that come, with great heartiness, to his littl there little bill has been running so room. It was in the front of the house long, that I begin to believe it's run and extremely neat, though sparel away altogether, and never won't be furnished. It was his only room, heerd of. Now, I'm not a going to saw; for there was a sofa-bedstead i stand it, you know! " said the milk- it, and his blacking-brushes and black man, still throwing his voice into the ing were among his books, - on the to house, and glaring down the passage. shelf, behind a dictionary. His tabl As to his dealing in the mild article was covered with papers, and he wa of milk, by the by, there ne'er was hard at work in an old coat. I looke a greater anomaly. His deportment at nothing, that I know of, but I sa' would have been fierce in a butcher or everything, even to the prospect of a brandy merchant. church upon his china inkstand as OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 227 sat down, - and this, too, was a faculty have just begun to keep my terms, after confirmed in me in the old Micawber rather a long delay. It's some time times. Various ingenious arrangements since I was articled, but the payment of he had made for the disguise of his that hundred pounds was a great pull. chest of drawers and the accommoda- A great pull! " said Traddles, with a tion of his boots, his shaving-glass, and wince, as if he had had a tooth out. so forth, particularly impressed them- "Do you know what I can't help selves upon me, as evidences of the thinking of, Traddles, as I sit here looksame Traddles, who used to make mod- ing at you?" I asked him. els of elephant's dens in writing-paper No," said he. to put flies in; and to comfort himself "That sky-blue suit you used to under ill-usage with the memorable wear." works of art I have so often mentioned. " Lord, to be sure!" cried Traddles, In a corner of the room was some- laughing. "Tight in the arms and thing neatly covered up with a large legs, you know? Dear me! Well! white cloth. I could not make out Those were happy times, weren't what that was. they?" "Traddles," said I, shaking hands "I think our schoolmaster might have with him again, after I had sat down, made them happier, without doing any "I am delighted to see you." harm to any of us, I acknowledge," I " I am delighted to see you, Copper- returned. jeld," he returned. " I am very glad "Perhaps he might," said Traddles. indeed to see you. It was because I "But dear me, there was a good deal of,vas thoroughly glad to see you when we fun going on. Do you remember the net in Ely-place, and was sure you were nights in the bedroom? When we;horoughly glad to see me, that I gave used to have the suppers? And when rou this address instead of my address you used to. tell the stories?. Ha, ha, tt chambers." ha And do you remember when I got "Oh! You have chambers?" said I. caned for crying about Mr. Mell? Old " Why, I have the fourth of a room Creakle! I should like to see him md a passage, and the fourth of a again, too!":lerk," returned Traddles. " Three "He was a brute to you, Traddles," )thers and myself unite to have a set of said I, indignantly; for his good-humor:hambers - to look business-like - and made me feel as if I had seen him beatve quarter the clerk too. Half a crown en but yesterday. L week he costs me." " Do you think so?" returned TradHis old simple character and good dies. "Really? Perhaps he was, emper, and something of his old un- rather. But it's all over, a long while. icky fortune also, I thought, smiled at Old Creakle! " ne in the smile with which he made " You were brought up by an uncle, his explanation. then?" said I. "It's not because I have the least " Of course I was! " said Traddles.,ride, Copperfield, you understand," "The one I was always going to write aid Traddles, "that I don't usually to. And always did n't, eh I Ha, ha, ive my address here. It's only on ac- ha! Yes, I had an uncle then. He ount of those who come to me, who died soon after I left school." light not like to come here. For my- "Indeed?" elf, I am fighting my way on in the "Yes. He was a retired-what do rorld against difficulties, and it would you call it!-draper-cloth-merchant e ridiculous if I made a pretence of -and had made me his heir. But he oing anything else." didn't like me when I grew up." "You are reading for the bar, Mr. "Do you really mean that? " said I. Vaterbrook informed me?" said I. He was so composed, that I fancied he " Why yes," said Traddles, rubbing must have some other meaning. is hands slowly over one another, " I "O dear, yes, Copperfield! I mean m reading for the bar. The fact is, I it," replied Traddles. "It was an 228 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE unfortunate thing, but he didn't like course, I nodded; and he went on- with me at all. He said I wasn't at all the same sprightly patience-I can what he expected, and'so he married find no better expression -as before.his housekeeper." "So, by little and little, and not "And what did you do?" I asked. living high, I managed to scrape up " I did n't do anything in particular," the hundred pounds at last," said Tradsaid Traddles. "I lived with them, dies; "and thank Heaven that's paid waiting to be put out in the world, un — though it was-though it certainly til his gout unfortunately flew to his was," said Traddles, wincing again as stomach; and so he died, and so she if he had had another tooth out, P'a married a young man, and so I wasn't pull. I am living by the sort of work provided for." I have mentioned, still, and I hope, "Did you get nothing, Traddles, one of these days, to get connected after all?" with some newspaper, which would "0 dear, yes!" said Traddles. "I almost be the making of my fortune. got fifty pounds. I had never been Now, Copperfield, you are so exactly brought up to any profession, and at what you used to be, with that agreefirst I was at a loss what to do for my- able face, and it's so pleasant to see self. However, I began, with the you, that I sha'n't conceal anything. assistance of the son of a professional Therefore you must know that I am man, who had been to Salem House, - engaged." Yawler, with his nose on one side. Engaged! 0 Dora! Do you recollect him?" "She is a curate's daughter," said No. He had not been there with Traddles; " one of ten, down in Devonme; all the noses were straight in my shire. Yes!" For he saw me glance, day. involuntarily, at the prospect on the "It don't matter," said Traddles. inkstand. "That's the church! You " I began, by means of his assistance, come round here, to the left, out of this to copy law writings. That didn't gate," tracing his finger along the inkanswer very well; and then I began to stand, "and exactly where I hold this state cases for them, and make abstracts, pen, there stands the house, facing, and do that sort of work. For I am a you understand, towards the church." plodding kind of fellow, Copperfield, The delight with which he enterer and had learnt the way of doing such into these particulars did not fiull things pithily. Well! That put it in present itself to me until afterwards my head to enter myself as a law stu- for my selfish thoughts were making - dent; and that ran away with all that ground-plan of Mr. Spenlow's hous( was left of the fifty pounds. Yawler and garden at the same moment. recommended me to one or two other " She is such a dear girl I" said Trad offices, however, - Mr. Wateibrook's dies; "a little older than me, but th( for one, -and I got a good many jobs. dearest girl! I told you I was gein$ I was fortunate enough, too, to become out of town? I have been down there acquainted with a person in the pub- I walked there, and I walked back lishing way, who was getting up an and I had the most delightful time Encvclopadia, and he set me to work; I dare say ours is likely to be a rathe and, indeed" (glancing at his table), long engagement, but our motto i "I am at work for him at this minute.'Wait and hope' We always sa: I am not a bad compiler, Copperfield," that.'Wait and hope,' we always say said Traddles, preserving the same air And she would wait, Copperfield, til of cheerful confidence in all he said, she was sixty-any age you ca.imen "but I have no invention at all; not a tion - for me I"' particle. I suppose there never was a Traddles rose from his chair, and young man withl less originality than I with a triumphant smile, put his han, have." *upon the white cloth I had observed. As Traddles seamed to expect that I, "However," he said, "it's not:tha should assent t~ this as a matter of we haven't made a begininog tward OF DA VID COPPERFIELD, 29 housekeeping. No, no; we have be- nobody but Mr. Micawber could ever gun. We must get on by degrees, but have knocked at that door, resolved any we -have begun. Here," drawing the doubt in my mind as to their being my tloth off with great pride and care, old friends. I begged Traddles to ask "are two pieces of furniture to com- his landlord to walk up. Traddles acmence with. This flower-pot and stand cordingly did so, over the banister; she bought herself. You put that in a and Mr. Micawber, not a bit changed - parlor-window," said Traddles, falling his tights, his stick, his shirt-collar, and a little back from it to survey it with his eye-glass, all the same as everthe greater admiration, "with a plant camg into the room with a genteel and in it, and —and there you are! This youthful air. little round table with the marble top " I beg your pardon, Mr. Traddles," (it's two feet ten in circumference) I said Mr. Micawber, with the old roll in bought. You want to lay a book down, his voice, as he checked himself in humyou know, or somebody comes to see ming a soft tune. " I was not aware you or your wife, and wants a place to that there was any individual, alien to stand a cup of tea upon, and —and this tenement, in your sanctum." there you are again!" said Traddles. Mr. Micawber slightly bowed to me,' It's an admirable piece of workman- and pulled up his shirt-collar. ship, —firm as a rock! " " How do you do, Mr. Micawber?" I praised them both highly, and said I. Traddles replaced the covering as care- "Sir," said Mr. Micawber, "you are fully as he had removed it. exceedingly obliging. I am in statu "It's not a great deal towards the quo." furnishing," said Traddles, "but it's "And Mrs. Micawber?" I pursued. something. The table-cloths, and pil- "Sir," said Mr. Micawber, "she is low-cases, and articles of that kind, are also, thank God, in statu quo." what discourage me most, Copperfield. " And the children, Mr. Micawber? " So does the ironmongery, - candle- "Sir," said Mr. Micawber, "I reboxes, and gridirons, and that sort of joice to reply that they are, likewise, in necessaries, - because those things tell, the enjoyment of salubrity." and mount up. However,'Wait and All this time, Mr. Micawber had not hope!' And I assure you she is the known me in the least, though he had dearest girl!" stood face to face with me. But now, " I am quite certain of it," said I. seeing me smile, he examined my fea"In the mean time," said Traddles, tures with more attention, fell back, coming back to his chair; "and this is cried, "Is it possible! Have I the the end of my prosing about myself, I pleasure of again beholding Copperget on as well as I can. I don't make field!" and shook me by both hands much, but I don't spend much. In with the utmost fervor. general, I board with the people down "Good Heaven, Mr. Traddles!" stairs, who are very agreeable people said Mr. Micawber, "to think that I indeed. Both Mr. and Mrs. Micawber should find you acquainted with the have seen a good deal of life, and are friend of my youth, the companion of excellent company." earlier days! My dear I " calling over "My dear Traddles!" I quickly the banisters to Mrs. Micawber, while exclaimed. "What are you talking Traddles looked (with reason) not a litabout?" tle amazed at this description of me. Traddles looked at me, as if he won- " Here is a gentleman in Mr. Traddles's dered what I was talking about. apartment, whom he wishes to have "Mr. and Mrs. Micawber " I re- the pleasure of presenting to you, my peated. "Why, I am intimately ac- love!" quainted with them " Mr. Micawber immediately reapAn opportune double knock at the peared, and shook hands with me door, which I knew well from old expe- again. iencie in Windsor-terrace, and which "And how is our good friend the IDc a30 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE tor, Copperfield?" said Mr. Micawber, It would have' bn better, as it "and all the circle at Canterbury?" turned out, to have led gently up to his "I have none but good accounts of announcement, for Mrs. Micawber, bethem," said I. ing in a delicate state of health, was "I am most delighted to hear it," overcome by.it, and was taken so unsaid Mr. Micawber. "It was at Can- well, that Mr. Micawber was obliged, terbury where we last met. Within the in great trepidation, to run down to the shadow, I may figuratively say, of that water-butt in the back yard, and draw religious edifice immortalized by Chau- a basinful to lave her brow with. She cer, which was anciently the resort of presently revived, however, and was Pilgrims from the remotest comers of- really pleased to see me. We had in short," said Mir. Micawber, "in the half an hour's talk, altogether; and I immediate neighborhood of the Cathe- asked her about the twins, who, she dral." said, were "grown great creatures"; I replied that it was. Mr. Micawber and after Master and Miss Micawber, continued talking as volubly as he whom she described as "absolute could; but not, I thought, without giants," but they were not produced on showing, by some marks of concern in that occasion. his countenance, that he was sensible of Mr. Micawber was very anxious that sounds in the next room, as of Mrs. Mi- I should stay to dinner. I should not cawber washing her hands, and hurried- have been averse to do so, but that I ly opening and shutting drawers that imagined I detected trouble, and calwere uneasy in their action. culation relative to the extent of the " You find us, Copperfield," said Mr. cold meat, in Mrs. Micawber's eye. I Micawber, with one eye on Traddles, therefore pleaded another engagement; "at present established on what may and observing that Mrs. Micawber's be designated as a small and unassum- spirits were immediately lightened, I ing scale; but, you are aware that I resisted all persuasion to forego it. have, in the course of my career, sur- But I told Traddles, and Mr. and mounted difficulties and conquered ob- Mrs. Micawber, that before I could stacles. You are no stranger to the think of leaving, they must appoint a fact, that there have been periods of day when they would come and dine my life when it has been requisite that with me. The occupations to which I should pause, until certain expected Traddles stood pledged rendered it events should turn up, when it has been necessary to fix a somewhat distant necessary that I should fall back, before one; but an appointment was made for making what I trust I shall not be ac- the purpose, that suited us all, and then cused of presumption in terming - a I took my leave. spring. The present is oiie of those Mr. Micawber, under pretence of momentous stages in the life of man. showing me a nearer way than that by You find me, fallen back, for a spring; which I had come, accompanied me to and I have every reason to believe that the corner of the street; being anxious a vigorous leap will shortly be the (he explained to me) to say a few words result." to an old friend, in confidence. I was expressing my satisfaction, "My dear Copperfield," said Mr. when Mrs. Micawber came in; a little Micawber, " I need hardly tell Mou that more slatternly than she used to be, to have beneath our roof, under existor so she seemed now, to my unaccus- ing circumstances, a' mind like that tomed eyes, but still with some prepa- which gleams —if I may be allowed ration of herself for company, and with the expression-which gleams -in a pair of brown gloves on. your fnend Traddles, is an unspeaka"My dear," said Mr. Micawber, ble comfort. With a washwoman, who leading her towards me. " Here is a exposes hard-bake for sale in her pargentleman of the name of Copperfield, lor-window, dwelling next door, and a who wishes to renew his acquaintance Bow-Street officer residing over the with you." way, you may imagine that his soiety OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 231 is a source of consolation to myself and the extremities require to be at peace to Mrs. Micawber. I am at present, before the stomach will conduct itself my dear Copperfield, engaged in the with vigor. sale of corn upon commission. It is On the occasion of this domestic little not an avocation of a remunerative party, I did not repeat my former extendescription -in other words, it does sive preparations. I merely provided a 4iot pay -and some temporary embar- pair of soles, a small leg of mutton, and rassments of a pecuniary nature have a pigeon-pie. Mrs. Crupp broke out inbeen the consequence. I am, however, to rebellion on my first bashful hint in delighted to add that I have now an reference to the cooking of the fish and immediate prospect of something turn- joint, and said, with a dignified sense ing up (I am not at liberty to say in of injury, "No! no, sir! You will what direction), which I trust will ena- not ask me sich a thing, for you are ble me to provide, permanently, both better acquainted with me than to supfor myself and for your friend Traddles, pose me capable of doing what I canin whom I have an unaffected interest. not do with ampial satisfaction to my You may, perhaps, be prepared to hear own feelings! " But, in the end, a Mrs. Micawber is in a state of health compromise was effected; and Mrs. which renders it not wholly improba- Crupp consented to achieve this feat, ble that an addition may be ultimately on condition that I dined from home made to those pledges of affection which for a fortnight afterwards. -in short, to the infantine group. Mrs. And here I may remark, that what I Micawber's family have been so good underwent from Mrs. Crupp, in conseas to express their dissatisfaction at this quence of the tyranny she established state of things. I have merely to ob- over me, was dreadful. I never was serve that I am not aware it is any so much afraid of any one. We made business of theirs, and that I repel that a compromise of everything. If I hesiexhibition of feeling with scorn and tated, she was taken with that wonderful with defiance!" disorder which was always lying in amMr. Micawber then shook hands with bush in her system, ready at the shortest me again, and left me. notice, to prey upon her vitals. If I rang the bell impatiently, after half a dozen unavailing modest pulls, and she appeared at last, - which was not by any CHAPTER XXVIII. means to be relied upon,-she would appear with a reproachful aspect, sink MR. MICAWBER'S GAUNTLET. breathless on a chair near the door, lay her hand upon her nankeen boUNTIL the day arrived on which I was som, and become so ill, that I was to entertain my newly found old friends, glad, at any sacrifice of brandy or anyI lived principally on Dora and coffee. thing else, to get rid of her. If I obIn my lovelorn condition, my appetite jected to having my bed made at five languished; and I was glad of it, for I o'clock in the afternoon,- which I do felt as though it would have been an act still think an uncomfortable arrangeof perfidy towards Dora to have a natu- ment, - one motion of her hand towards ral relish for my dinner. The quantity the same nankeen region of wounded of walking exercise I took was not in sensibility was enough to make me falter this respect attended with its usual an apology. In short, I would have consequence, as the disappointment done anything in an honorable way counteracted the fresh air. I have my rather than give Mrs. Crupp offence; doubts, too, founded on the acute ex- and she was the terror of my life. perience acquired at this period of my I bought a second-hand dumb-waiter life, whether a sound enjoyment of for this dinner-party, in preference to reanimal food can develop itself freely engaging the handy young man; against in any human subject who is always whom I had conceived a prejudice, in in torment from tight boots. I think consequence of meeting him in the 232 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Strand, one Sunday morning, in a waist- pecuniary involvements, of a:complicoat remarkably like one of mine, which cated nature. I understand your allushad been missing since the former oc- sion, my love. I regret it, but I can casion. The "young gal" was re-en- bear it." gaged; but on the stipulation that she "Micawber!" exclaimed Mrs. Mishould only bring in the dishes, and cawber, in tears. "Have I deserved then withdraw to the landing-place, this? I, who never have deserted you; beyond the outer door; where a habit who never will desert you, Micawof sniffing she had contracted would ber!" be lost upon the guests, and where her "My love," said Mr. Micawber5 retiring on the plates would be a phys- much affected, "you will forgive, and ical impossibility. our old and tried friend Copperfield Having laid in the materials for a bowl will, I am sure, forgive, the momentary of punch, to be compounded by Mr. Mi- laceration of a wounded spirit, made cawber; having provided a bottle of sensitive by a recent collision with the lavender-water, two wax-candles, a pa- Minion of Power,- in other words, per of mixed pins, and a pincushion, with a ribald Turncock attached to the to assist Mrs. Micawber in her toilet, water-works, -and will pity, not conat my dressing-table; having also demn, its excesses." caused the fire in my bedroom to be Mr. Micawber then embraced Mrs. lighted for Mrs. Micawber's conve- Micawber, and pressed my hand; leavnience; and having laid the cloth with ing me to infer from this broken allumy own hands, I awaited the result sion that his domestic supply of water with composure. had been cut off that afternoon, in conAt the appointed time, my three visit- sequence of default in the payment of ors arrived together. Mr. Micawber the company's rates. with more shirt-collar than usual, and a To divert his thoughts from this melnew ribbon to his eye-glass; Mrs. Mi- ancholy subject, I informed Mr. M-i. cawber with her cap in her whity-brown cawber that I relied upon him for a paper parcel; Traddles carrying the par- bowl of punch, and led him to the cel, and supporting Mrs. Micawber on lemons. His recent despondency, not his arm. They were all delighted with to say despair, was gone in a moment. my residence. When I conducted Mrs. I never saw a man so thoroughly enjoy Micawber to my dressing-table, and she himself amid the fragrance of lemonsaw the scale on which it was prepared peel and sugar, the odor of burning for her, she was in such raptures, that rum, and the steam of boiling water, as she called Mr. Micawber to come in and Mr. Micawber did that afternoon. It look. was wonderful to see his face shining at " My dear Copperfield," said Mr. Mi- us out of a thin cloud of these delicate cawber, "this is luxurious. This is a fumes, as he stirred, and mixed, and way of life which reminds me of the tasted, and looked as if he were makperiod when I was myself in a state ing, instead of punch, a fortune for his of celibacy, and Mrs. Micawber had family down to the latest posterity. As not yet been solicited to plight her to Mrs. Micawber, I don't know whethfaith at the Hymeneal altar." er it was the effect of the cap, or the " He means, solicited by him, Mr. lavender-water, or the pins, or the fire, Copperfield," said Mrs. Micawber, arch- or the wax-candles, but she came out of ly. " He cannot answer for others." my room, comparatively speaking, love"My dear," returned Mr. Micawber ly. And the lark was never gayer than with sudden seriousness, " I have no that excellent woman. desire to answer for others. I am too I suppose - I never ventured to inwell aware that when, in the inscrutable quire, but I suppose - that Mrs. Crupp, decrees of Fate, you were reserved for after frying the soles, was taken ill. me, it is possible you may have been re- Because we broke down at that point. served for one destined, after a protract- The leg of mutton came up very red ed struggle, at length to fall a victim to within, and very pale without:; beside OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 23 having a foreign substance of a' gritty some mushroom catchup in a little nature sprinkled over it, as if it had had saucepan. When we had slices enough a. fall into the ashes of that remarkable done to begin upon, we fell to, with our kitchen fireplace. But we were not in sleeves still tucked up at the wrists, a condition to judge of this fact from more slices sputtering and blazing on the appearance of the gravy, forasmuch the fire, and our attention divided beas the "young gal" had dropped it all tween the mutton on our plates and upon- the stairs, - where it remained, the mutton then preparing. by the by, in a long train, until it was What with the novelty of this cookery, worn out. The pigeon-pie was not bad, the excellence of it, the bustle of it, the but it was a delusive pie; the crust frequent starting up to look after it, the being like a disappointing head, phreno- frequent sitting down to dispose of it as logically speaking,- full of lumps and the crisp slices came off the gridiron hot bumps, with nothing particular under- and hot, the being so busy, so flushed neath. In short, the banquet was such with the fire, so amused, and in the a failure that I should have been quite midst of such a tempting noise and saunhappy-about the failure, I mean, vor, we reduced the leg of mutton to for I was always unhappy about Dora the bone. My own appetite came back — if I had not been relieved by the miraculously. I am ashamed to record great good-humor of my company, and it, but I really believe I forgot Dora for by a bright suggestion from Mr. Mi- a little while. I am satisfied that Mr. cawber. and Mrs. Micawber could not have en" My dear friend Copperfield," said joyed the feast more if they had sold a Mr. Micawber, "accidents will occur bed to provide it. Traddles laughed in:the best-regulated families; and in as heartily, almost the whole time, as families not regulated by that pervading he ate and worked. Indeed we all did, influence which sanctifies while it en- all at once; and I dare say there never hances the -- a - I would say, in short, was a greater success. by the influence of Woman, in the lofty We were at the height of our encharacter of Wife, they may be expect- joyment, and were all busily engaged, ed with confidence, and must be borne in ourseveral departments, endeavoring with philosophy. If you will allow me to bring the last batch of slices to a'to take the liberty of remarking that state of perfection that should crown the there are few comestibles better, in their feast, when I was aware of a strange way, than a Devil, and that I believe, presence in the room, and my eyes enwith a little division of labor, we could countered those of the staid Littimer, accomplish a good one if the young standing hat in hand before me. person in attendance could produce a "What's the matter?" I involuntagridiron, I would put it to you, that rily asked. this little misfortune may be easily re- I beg your pardon, sir, I was dipaired." rected to come in. Is my master not There was a gridiron in the pantry, here, sir?" on which my morning rasher of bacon "No." was cooked. We had it in in a twink- "Have you not seen him, sir?" ling, and immediately applied ourselves " No; don't you come from him " to carrying Mr. Micawber's idea into " Not immediately so, sir." effect. The division of labor to which " Did he tell you you would find him he had referred was this: Traddles here?" cut the mutton into slices; Mr. Micaw- " Not exactly so, sir. But I should ber (who could do anything of this sort think he might be here to-morrow, as to-perfection) covered them with pep- he has not been here to-day." per, mustard, salt, and cayenne; I put " Is he coming up from Oxford?" them on the gridiron, turned them with "I beg, sir," he returned respecta fork, and took them off, under Mr. fully, "that you will be seated, and Micawber's directions; and Mrs. Mi- allow me to do this." With which he cawber heated, and continually stirred, took the fork from my unresisting hand, 334 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE and bent over the gridiron, as if his "If you should see him first-" whole attention were concentrated on said I. it. "If you'11 excuse me, sir, I don't We should not have been much dis- think I shall see him first." composed, I dare say, by the appear- "In case you do," said I, "pray say ance of Steerforth himself, but we be- that I am sorry he was not here to-day, came in a moment the meekest of the as an old schoolfellow of his was here." meek before his respectable serving- "Indeed, sir I" and he divided a man. Mr. Micawber, humming a tune bow between me and Traddles, with a to show that he was quite at ease, sub- glance at the latter. sided into his chair, with the handle of He was moving softly to the door, a hastily concealed fork sticking out of when, in a forlorn hope of saying somethe bosom of his coat, as if he had thing naturally -which I never could, stabbed himself. Mrs. Micawber put to this man - I said, - on her brown gloves, and assumed a gen- " Oh! Littimer!" teel languor. Traddles ran his greasy "Sir! hands through his hair, and stood it "Did you remain long at Yarmouth, bolt upright, and stared in confusion on that time? " the tablecloth. As for me, I was a " Not particularly so, sir." mere infant at the head of my own ta- " You saw the boat completed?" ble; and hardly ventured to glance at "Yes, sir. I remained behind on the respectable phenomenon, who had purpose to see the boat completed." come from heaven knows where, to "I know! " He raised his eyes to put my establishment to rights, mine respectfully. " Mr. Steerforth Meanwhile he took the mutton off has not seen it yet, I suppose?" the gridiron, and gravely handed it "I really can't say, sir. I thinkround. We all took some, but our but I really can't say, sir. I wish you appreciation of it was gone, and we good night, sir." merely made a show of eating it. As He comprehended everybody present, we severally pushed away our plates, he in the respectful bow with which he noiselessly removed them, and set on followed these words, and disappeared. the cheese. He took that off, too, when My visitors seemed to breathe more it was done with; cleared the table; freely when he was gone: but my own piled everything on the dumb-waiter; relief was very great, for besides the gave us our wine-glasses; and, of his constraint, arising from that extraordiown accord, wheeled the dumb-waiter nary sense of being at a disadvantage into the pantry. All this was done in which I always had in this man's a perfect manner, and he never raised presence, my conscience had embarhis eyes from what he was about. Yet rassed me with whispers that I had mishis very elbows, when he had his back trusted his master, and I could not retowards me, seemed to teem with the press a vague, uneasy dread that he expression of his fixed opinion that I might find it out. How was it, having was extremely young. so little in reality to conceal, that I "Can I do anything more, sir?" always did feel as if this man were I thanked him and said No; but finding me out? would he take no dinner himself? Mr. Micawber roused me from this " None, I am obliged to you, sir." reflection, which was blended with a " Is Mr. Steerforth coming from Ox- certain remorseful apprehension of seeford?" ing Steerforth himself, by bestowing "I beg your pardon, sir?" many encomiums on the absent Litti"Is Mr. Steerforth coming from Ox- mer as a most respectable fellow, and ford?" a thoroughly admirable servant. Mr. " I should imagine that he might be Micawber, I may remark, had taken here to-morrow, sir. I rather thought his full share of the general bow, and he might have been here to-day, sir. had received it with infinite condescenThe mistake is mine, no doubt, sir." sion. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 235 "But punch, my dear Copperfield," "Then," said Mrs. Micawber, who said Mr. Micawber, tasting it, "like prided herself on taking a clear view time and tide, waits for no man. Ah! of things, and keeping Mr. Micawber it is at the present moment in high fla- straight by her woman's wisdom, when vor. My love, will you give me your he might otherwise go a little crooked, opinion?" -" then I ask myself this question. If Mrs. Micawber pronounced it excel- corn is not to be relied upon, what is? lent. Are coals to be relied upon? Not at " Then I will drink," said Mr. Mi- all. We have turned our attention to cawber, " if my friend Copperfield will that experiment, on the suggestion of permit me to take that social liberty, to my family, and we find it fallacious." the days when my friend Copperfield Mr. Micawber, leaning back in his and myself were younger, and fought chair with his hands in his pockets, our way in the world side by side. I eyed us aside, and nodded his head, as may say, of myself and Copperfield, in much as to say that the case was very words we have sung together before clearly put. now, that " The articles of corn and coals," said We twa' hae run about the braes Mrs. Micawber, still more argumentaAnd pu'd the gowans fine tively, "being equally out of the question, Mr. Copperfield, I naturally look — in a figurative point of view -on round the world, and say,'What is several occasions. I am not exactly there in which a person of Mr. Micawaware," said Mr. Micawber, with the ber's talent is likely to succeed?' And old roll in his voice, and the old in- I exclude the doing anything on commisdescribable air of saying something sion, because commission is not a cergenteel, " What gowans may be, but tainty. What is best suited to a person I have no doubt that Copperfield and of Mr. Micawber's peculiar temperamyself would frequently have taken a ment is, I am convinced, a certainty." pull at them, if it had been feasible." Traddles and I both expressed, by Mr. Micawber, at the then present a feeling murmur, that this great dismoment, took a pull at his punch. So covery was no doubt true of Mr. Miwe all did: Traddles evidently lost in cawber, and that it did him much wondering at what distant time Mr. credit. Micawber and I could have been com- "I will not conceal from you, my dear rades in the battle of the world. Mr. Copperfield," said Mrs. Micawber, "Ahem!" said Mr. Micawber, clear- "that I have long felt the Brewing ing his throat, and warming with the business to be particularly adapted to punch and with the fire. "'My dear, Mr. Micawber. Look at Barclay and another glass?" Perkins! Look at Truman, Hanbury, Mrs. Micawber said it must be very and Buxton! It is on that extensive little, but we could n't allow that, so it footing that Mr. Micawber, I know from was a glassful. my own knowledge of him, is calculated "As we are quite confidential here, to shine; and the profits, I am told, are Mr. Copperfield," said Mrs. Micawber, e-NoR-mous But if Mr. Micawber sipping her punch, "Mr. Traddles be- cannot get into those firms, -which deing a part of our domesticity, I should dine to answer his letters, when he ofmuch like to have your opinion on Mr. fers his services even in an inferior caMicawber's prospects. For corn," said pacity, -what is the use of dwelling Mrs. Micawber argumentatively, " as I upon that idea? None. I may have a have repeatedly said to Mr. Micawber, conviction that Mr. Micawber's manmay be gentlemanly, but it is not remu- ners - nerative. Commission to the extent of " Hem! Really, my dear," intertwo and ninepence in a fortnight cannot, posed Mr. Micawber. however limited our ideas, be considered "My love, be silent," said Mrs. Miremunerative." cawber, laying her brown glove on his We were all agreed upon that. hand. "I may have a convictioni Mr. .236 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Copperfield, that Mr. Micawber's man- is Mr. Micawber with a variety:oftqianers peculiarly qualify him for the ifications, with great talent- " banking business. I may argue within "Really, my love," said Mr. Micawmyself, that if I had a deposit at a ber. banking-house, the manners of Mr. Mi- "Pray, my'dear, allow me to coticawber, as representing that banking- lude. Here is Mr. Micawber, with ab house, would inspire confidence, and variety of qualifications, with great talmust extend the connection. But if the ent, I should say, with genius, but various banking-houses refuse to avail that may be the partiality of a wife-" themselves of Mr. Micawber's abilities, Traddles and I both murmured or receive the offer of them with con- "No." tumely, what is the use of dwelling upon " And here is Mr. Micawber without that idea? None. As to originating any suitable position or employment. a banking business, I may know that Where does that responsibility rest? there are members of my family who, Clearly on society. Then I would make if they chose to place their money in a fact so disgraceful known, and boldly Mr. Micawber's hands, might found an challenge society to set it right. It apestablishment of that description. But pears to me, my dear Mr. Copperfield," if they do not choose to place their said Mrs. Micawber, forcibly, "that money in Mr. Micawber's hands,- what Mr. Micawber has to do, is to which they don't, - what is the use of throw down the gauntlet to society, and that? Again I contend that we are no say, in effect,'Show me who will take farther advanced than we were be- that up. Let the party immediately fore." step forward.'" I shook my head, and said, "Not a I ventured to ask Mrs. Micawber bit." Traddles also shook his head, how this was to be done. and said, " Not a bit." " By advertising," said Mrs. Micaw"What do I deduce from this?" ber, "in all the papers. It appears Mrs. Micawber went on to say, still to me, that what Mr. Micawber has to with'the same air of putting a case lu- do, in justice to himself, in justice to his cidly. " What is the conclusion, my family, and I will even go so far as to dear Mr. Copperfield, to which I am say in justice to society, by which he irresistibly brought? Am I wrong in has been hitherto overlooked, is to adsaying, it is clear that we must live?" vertise in all the papers; to describe I answered, "Not at all! " and himself plainly as so and so, with such Traddles answered, " Not at all!" and and such qualifications, and to put it I found myself afterwards sagely add- thus:'Now employ me, on remuneraing, alone, that a person must either tive terms, and address, post-paid, to live or die.W. M., Post Office, Camden Town."' " Just so," returned Mrs. Micawber. " This idea of Mrs. Micawber's, my "It is precisely that. And the fact is, dear Copperfield, " said Mr. Micawber, my dear Mr. Copperfield, that we can making his shirt-collar meet in front of not live without something widely dif- his chin, and glancing at me sideways, ferent from existing circumstances " is, in fact, the Leap to which I alludshortly turning up. Now I am con- ed, when I last had the pleasure of seevinced, myself, and this I have pointed ing you." out to Mr. Micawber several times of "Advertising is rather expensive," I late, that things cannot be expected to remarked, dubiously. turn up of themselves. We must, in a "Exactly so! " said Mrs. Micawber, measure, assist to turn them up. I may preserving the same logical air. "Quite be wrong, but I have formed that opin- true, my dear Mr. Copperfield 1 I have ion." made the identical observation to Mr. Both Traddles and I applauded it Micawber. It is for that reason espehighly. cially, that I think Mr. Micawbetr eght "Very well," said Mrs. Micawber. (as I have already said, in.fuse to "' Then whatdo I recommend? Here himself, -injtustie to tis.fam ilyX asi in OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 3;7 justice to society) to raise a certain sum tions; still I must not forget that, when of money - on a bill." I lived at home with my papa and.Mr. Micawber, leaning back in his mamma, my papa was in the habit of chair, trifled with his eye-glass, and saying,'Emma's form is fragile, but cast his eyes up at the ceiling; but I her grasp of a subject is inferior to thought him observant of Traddles, none.' That my papa was too partial, too, who was looking at the fire. I well know; but that he was an ob" If no member of my faniily," said server of character in some degree, my Mrs. Micawber, "is possessed of suffi- duty and my reason equally forbid me cient natural feeling to negotiate that to doubt." bill, - I believe there is a better busi- With these words, and resisting our ness term to express what I mean-" entreaties that she would grace the reMr. Micawber, with his eyes still maining circulation of the punch with cast up at the ceiling, suggested " Dis- her presence, Mrs. Micawber retired to count." my bedroom. And really I felt that "To discount that bill," said Mrs. she was a noble woman,-the sort of Micawber, "then my opinion is, that woman who might have been a Roman Mr. Micawber should go into the City, matron, and done all manner of heroic should take that bill into the Money things, in times of public trouble. Market, and should dispose of it for In the fervor of this impression, I what he can get. If the individuals in congratulated Mr. Micawber on the the Money Market oblige Mr. Micaw- treasure he possessed. So did Tradber to sustain a great sacrifice, that is dies. Mr. Micawber extended his hand between themselves and their con- to each of us in succession, and then sciences. I view it, steadily, as an in- covered his face with his pocket-handvestment. I recommend Mr. Micaw- kerchief, which I think had more snuff ber, my dear Mr. Copperfield, to do upon it than he was aware of. He then -'e same; to regard it as an invest- returned to the punch, in the highest went which is sure of return, and to state of exhilaration. make up his mind to any sacrifice." He was full of eloquence. He gave I felt, but I am sure I don't know us to understand that in our children why, that this was self-denying and de- we lived again, and that, under the voted in Mrs. Micawber, and I uttered pressure of pecuniary difficulties, any a murmur to that effect. Traddles, who accession to their number was doubly took his tone from me, did likewise, welcome. He said that Mrs. Micawber still looking at the fire. had latterly had her doubts on this "I will not," said Mrs. Micawber, point, but that he had dispelled them, finishing her punch, and gathering her and reassured her. As to her family, scarf about her shoulders, preparatory they were totally unworthy of her, and to her withdrawal to my bedroom, - " I their sentiments were utterly indifferent will not protract these remarks on the to him, and they might —I quote his subject of Mr. Micawber's pecuniary own expression —go to the Devil. affairs. At your fireside, my dear Mr. Mr. Micawber then delivered a warm Copperfield, and in the presence of Mr. eulogy on Traddles. He said TradTraddles, who, though not so old a dies's was a character, to the steady friend, is quite one of ourselves, I could virtues of which he (Mr. Micawber) not refrain from making you acquainted could lay no claim, but which, he with the course I advise Mr. Micawber thanked Heaven, he could admire. He to-take. I feel that the time is arrived feelingly alluded to the young lady, unwhen Mr. Micawber should exert him- known, whom Traddles had honored self and -I will add —assert himself, with his affection, and who had recipand it appears to me that these are the rocated that affection by honoring and means. I am aware that I am merely blessing Traddles with her affection. a female, and that a masculine judg- Mr. Micawber pledged her. So did I. ment is usually considered more com- Traddles thanked us both, by saying, peteat to the discussion of such ques- with a simplicity and honesty I.ad 238 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE sense enough to be quite charmed with, acknowledged his kindness; and he "I am very much obliged to you in- begged us to forgive his having launched deed. And I do assure you, she's the into these practical and business-like dearest girl! " details, and to excuse it as natural in Mr. Micawber took an early opportu- one who was making entirely new nity, after that, of hinting, with the ut- arrangements in life. most delicacy and ceremony, at the Mrs. Micawber tapping at the wall state of my affections. Nothing but again, to know if tea were ready, broke the serious assurance of his friend Cop- up this particular phase of our friendly perfield to the contrary, he observed, conversation. She made tea for us in could deprive him of the impression a most agreeable manner; and, whenthat his friend Copperfield loved and ever I went near her, in handing about was beloved. After feeling very hot the tea-cups and bread and butter, and uncomfortable for some time, and asked me, in a whisper whether D. was after a good deal of blushing, stammer- fair, or dark, or whether she was short, ing, and denying, I said, having my or tall: or something of that kind; glass in my hand, " Well! I would give which I think I liked. After tea, we them D.! " which so excited and grati- discussed a variety of topics before the fied Mr. Micawber, that he ran with a fire; and Mrs. Micawber was good glass of punch'into my bedroom, in enough to sing us (in a small, thin, order that Mrs. Micawber might drink flat voice, which I remembered to have D., who drank it with enthusiasm, cry- considered, when I first knew her, the ing from within, in a shrill voice, very table-beer of acoustics) the favorite "Hear, hear! My dear Mr. Copper- ballads of "The Dashing White Serfield, I am delighted. Hear!" and jeant," and "Little Tafflin." For both tapping at the wall, by way of ap- of these songs Mrs. Micawber had been plause. famous when she lived at home with Our conversation, afterwards, took a her papa and mamma. Mr. Micawber more worldly turn; Mr. Micawber tell- told us, that when he heard her sing ing us that he found Camden Town the first one, on the first occasion of his inconvenient, and that the first thing seeing her beneath the parental roof, he contemplated doing, when the adver- she had attracted his attention in an tisement should have been the cause extraordinary degree; but that when of something satisfactory turning up, it came to Little Tafflin, he had rewas to move. He mentioned a terrace solved to win that woman or perish in at the western end of Oxford Street, the attempt. fronting Hyde Park, on which he had It was between ten and eleven o'clock always had his eye, but which he did when Mrs. Micawber rose to replace not expect to attain immediately, as it her cap in the whity-brown paper parwould require a large establishment. cel, and to put on her bonnet. Mr. There would probably be an interval, Micawber took the opportunity of Tradhe explained, in which he should con- dies putting on his great-coat, to slip a tent himself with the upper part of a letter into my hand, with a whispered house, over some respectable place of request that I would read it at my business, - say in Piccadilly, - which leisure. I also took the opportunity would be a cheerful situation for Mrs. of my holding a candle over the banMicawber; and where, by throwing out isters to light them down, when Mr. a bow-window, or carrying up the roof Micawber was going first, leading Mrs. another story, or making some little Micawber, and Traddles was following alteration of that sort, they might live, with the cap, to detain Traddles for a comfortably and reputably, for a few moment on the top of the stairs. years. Whatever was reserved for him, "Traddles," said I, "Mr. Micawber he expressly said, or wherever his abode don't mean any harm, poor fellow: but, might be, we might rely on this, - there if I were you, I would n't lend him anywould always be a room for Traddles, thing." and a knife and- fork for me. We "My dear Copperfield," returned OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 239 Traddles, smiling, "I have n't got any- loved her none the less; I thought of thing to lend." her as the same benignant, gentle angel "You have got a name, you know," in my life; I reproached myself, not her, said I. with having done him an injury; and I "Oh! You call that something to would have made him any atonement if lend?" returned Traddles with a I had known what to make, and how to thoughtful look. make it. "Certainly." "Why, Daisy, old boy, dumfoun" Oh! " said Traddles. " Yes, to be dered!" laughed Steerforth, shaking my sure! I am very much obliged to you, hand heartily, and throwing it gayly Copperfield; but -I am afraid I have away. " Have I detected you in anothlent him that already." er feast, you Sybarite! These Doctors' " For the bill that is to be a certain Commons fellows are the gayest men in investment? " I inquired. town, I believe, and beat us sober Ox"No," said Traddles. "Not for ford people all to nothing!" His bright that one. This is the first I have heard glance went merrily round the room, as of that one. I have been thinking that he took the seat on the sofa opposite to he, will most likely propose that one, me, which Mrs. Micawber had recently on the way home. Mine's another." vacated, and stirred the fire into a " I hope there will be nothing wrong blaze. about it," said I. " I was so surprised at first," said I, " I hope not," said Traddles. "I giving him welcome with all the cordishould think not, though, because he ality I felt, "that I had hardly breath told me only the other day, that it was to greet you with, Steerforth." provided for. That was Mr. Micaw- " Well the sight of me is good for ber's expression,' Provided for.' sore eyes, as the Scotch say," replied Mr. Micawber looking up at this Steerforth, "and so is the sight of you, juncture to where we were standing, I Daisy, in full bloom. How are you, my had only time to repeat my caution. Bacchanal?" Traddles thanked me, and descended. "I am very well," said I; "and not But I was much afraid, when I observed at all Bacchanalian to-night, though I the good-natured manner in which he confess to another party of three." went down with the cap in his hand, "All of whom I met in the street, and gave Mrs. Micawber his arm, that talking loud in your praise," returned he would be carried into the Money Steerforth. "Who's our friend in the Market neck and heels. tights?" I returned to my fireside, and was I gave him the best idea I could, in musing, half gravely and half laughing, a few words, of Mr. Micawber. He on the character of Mr. Micawber and laughed heartily at my feeble portrait the old relations between us, when I of that gentleman, and said he was heard a quick step ascending the stairs. a man to know, and he must know At first I thought it was Traddles com- him. ing back for something Mrs. Micawber "But who do you suppose our other had left behind; but as the step ap- friend is?" said I, in my turn. proached, I knew it, and felt my heart "Heaven knows," said Steerforth. beat high, and the blood rush to my "Not a bore, I hope? I thought he face, for it was Steerforth's. looked a little like one." I was never unmindful of Agnes, "Traddles!" I replied, triumphantand she never left that sanctuary in my ly. thoughts - if I may call it so - where I "Who's he?" asked Steerforth, in had placed her from the first. But his careless way. when he entered, and stood before me "Don't you remember Traddles? with his hand out, the darkness that Traddles in our room at Salem House?" had fallen on him changed to light, and "0, that fellow I" said Steerforth, I felt confounded and ashamed of hav- beating a lump of coal on the top of iig doubted one I loved so heartily. I _the fire, with the poker. "Is he as 240 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE soft as ever? And where the deuce did "Why, from your old nurse," he you pick him up?" returned, taking some papers out of his I extolled Traddles in reply, as highly breast pocket. "'J. Steerforth, Esas I could; for I felt that Steerforth quire, debtor, to the Willing Mind'; rather slighted him. Steerforth, dis- that's not it. Patience, and we'11 find missing the subject with a light nod, it presently. Old what's-his-name's in and a smile, and the remark that he a bad way, and it's about that, I bewould be glad to see the old fellow too, lieve." for he had always been an odd fish, in- "Barkis, do you mean?" quired if I could give him anything to "Yes! " still feeling in his pockets, eat? During most of this short dia- and looking over their contents: "it's logue, when he had not been speaking all over with poor Barkis, I am afraid. in a wild vivacious manner, he had sat I saw a little apothecary there - suridly beating on the lump of coal with geon, or whatever he is - who brought the poker. I observed that he did the your worship into the world. He was same thing while I was getting out the mighty learned about the case, to me; remains of the pigeon-pie, and so forth. but the upshot of his opinion was, that "Why, Daisy, here's supper for a the carrier was makinghis last journey king! " he exclaimed, starting out of his rather fast.-Put your hand into the silence with a burst, and taking his seat breast pocket of my great-coat on the at the table. " I shall do it justice, for chair yonder, and I think you'11 find I have come from Yarmouth.' the letter. Is it there?" " I thought you came from Oxford? " "Here it is! " said I. I returned. "That's right! " "Not I," said Steerforth. "I have It was from Peggotty; something been seafaring -better employed." less legible than usual, and brief. It " Littimer was here to-day, to inquire informed me of her husband's hopeless for you," I remarked, "and I under- state, and hinted at his being "a little stood him that you were at Oxford; nearer" than heretofore, and consethough now I think of it, he certainly quently more difficult to manage for his did not say so." own comfort. It said nothing of her "Littimer is a greater fool than I weariness and watching, and praised thought him, to have been inquiring him highly. It was written with a plain, for me at all," said Steerforth, jovially unaffected, homely piety that I knew to pouring out a glass of wine, and drink- be genuine, and ended with "my duty ing to me. "As to understanding him, to my ever darling,"-meaning myyou are a cleverer fellow than most of self. us, Daisy, if you can do that." While I deciphered it, Steerforth "That's true, indeed," said I, mov- continued to eat and drink. ing my chair to the table. " So you "It's a bad job," he said, when I have been at Yarmouth, Steerforth?" had done; "but the sun sets every day, interested to know all about it. "Have and people die every minute, and we you been there long?" must n't be scared by the common lot. "No," he returned. "An escapade If we failed to hold our own, because of a week or so." that equal foot at all men's doors was "And how are they all? Of course, heard knocking somewhere, every oblittle Emily is not married yet?" ject in this world would slip from us. "Not yet. Going to be, I believe, No Ride on! Rough-shod if need - in so many weeks, or months, or be, smooth-shod if that will do, but ride something or other. I have not seen on! Ride on over all obstacles, and win much of'em. By the by,"-he laid the race!" down his knife and fork, which he had "And win what race?" said I. been using with great diligence, and " The race that one has started in," began feeling in his pockets, - "I have said he. "Ride on!" a letter for you." I noticed, I remember, as he paused, "From whom? " looking at me with hil bhaadeqme ea OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. $41 A- little thrown back, and his glass days with us. Here I am, on purpose raised in his hand, that, though the to bid you, and you fly off to Yarfreshness of the sea-wind was on his mouth f face, and it was ruddy, there were "You are a nice fellow to talk of flytraces in it, made since I last saw it, as ing off, Steerforth, who are always runif he had applied himself to some ha- ning wild on some unknown expedition bitual strain of the fervent energy or other! " which, when roused, was so passionate- He looked at me for a moment withly roused within him. I had it in my out speaking, and then rejoined, still thoughts to remonstrate with him upon holding me as before, and giving me a his desperate way of pursuing any fancy shake, - that he took, - such as this buffeting of "Come! Say the next day, and pass tough seas, and braving of hard weath- as much of to-morrow as you can with er, for example, -when my mind us! Who knows when we may meet glanced off to the immediate subject of again, else? Come! Say the next our conversation again, and pursued day! I want you to stand between that instead. Rosa Dartle and me, and keep us asun" I tell you what, Steerforth," said I, der." "if your high spirits will listen to "Would you love each other too me-" - much, without me?" " They are potent spirits, and will do " Yes; or hate," laughed Steerforth; whatever you like," he answered, mov- "no matter which. Come! Say the ing from the table to the fireside next day! " again. I said the next day; and he put on -:' Then I tell you what, Steerforth, I his great-coat and lighted his cigar, and think I will go down and see my old set off to walk home. Finding him in nurse. It is not that I can do her any this intention, I put on my own greatgood, or'render her any real service; coat (but did not light my own cigar, but she is so attached to me that my having had enough of that for one visit will have as much effect on her while) and walked with him as far as as if I could do both. She will take it the open road; a dull road, then, at so kindly, that it will be a comfort and night. He was in great spirits all the support to her. It is no great effort to way; and when we parted, and I looked make, I am sure, for such a friend as after him going so gallantly and airily she has been to me. Would n't you go homeward, I thought of his saying, a day's journey, if you were in my "Ride on over all obstacles, and, win place?" the race!" and wished, for the first His face was thoughtful, and he sat time, that he had some worthy race to considering a little before he answered, run. in a low voice, " Well I Go. You can I was undressing in my own room, do no harm." when Mr. Micawber's letter tumbled " You have just come back," said I, on the floor. Thus reminded of it, I' and it would be in vain to ask you to broke the seal and read as follows. It go with me? " was dated an hour and a half before "' Quite," he returned. "I am for dinner. I am not sure whether I have Highgate to-night. I have not seen mentioned that, when Mr. Micawber my mother this long time, and it lies was at any particularly desperate crisis, upon my conscience, for it's something he used a sort of legal phraseology, to be loved as she loves her prodigal which he seemed to think equivalent to son. - Bah!- Nonsense! - You mean winding up his affairs. to go to-morrow, I suppose?" he said, holding me out at arm's length, with a SIR'-forI dare not say my dear hand on each of.my shoulders.Copperfield,"Yes, I think so." "It is expedient that I should inform. "Well, then, don't go till next day. you that the undersigned is Crushed. I wanted you to coime and stay a few Some flickering efforts to spare you the 16 242 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE premature knowledge of his calami- praise!) until she was sixty, or any age tous position, you may observe in him that could be mentioned. this day; but hope has sunk beneath the horizon, and the undersigned is Crushed. " The present communication is CHAPTER XXIX. penned within the personal range (I cannot call it the society) of an individ- I VISIT STEERFORTH AT HIS HOME, ual, in a state closely bordering on intox- AGAIN. ication, employed by a broker. That individual is in legal possession of the I MENTIONED to Mr. Spenlow in the premises, under a distress for rent. His morning, that I wanted leave of absence inventory includes, not only the chattels for a short time; and as I was not in the and effects of every description belong- receipt of any salary, and consequently ing to the undersigned, as yearly tenant was not obnoxious to the implacable of this habitation, but also those apper- Jorkins, there was no difficulty about taining to Mr. Thomas Traddles, lodg- it. I took that opportunity, with my er, a member of the Honorable Society voice sticking in my throat, and my of the Inner Temple. sight failing as I uttered the words, to "If any drop of gloom were wanting express my hope that Miss Spenlow in the overflowing cup, which is now was quite well; to which Mr. Spenlow'commended' (in the language of an replied, with no more emotion than if immortal Writer) to the lips of the un- he had been speaking of an ordinary dersigned, it would be found in the fact, human being, that he was much obliged that a friendly acceptance granted to to me, and she was very well. the undersigned, by the before-men- We articled clerks, as germs of the tioned Mr. Thomas Traddles, for the patrician order of proctors, were treated sum of ~23 4s. g9d. is over due, and is with so much consideration, that I was NOT provided for. Also, in the fact, almost my own master at all times. As I that the living responsibilities clinging to did not care, however, to get to Highgate the undersigned, will, in the course of before one or two o'clock in the day, and nature, be increased by the sum of one as we had another little excommunicamore helpless victim, whose miserable tion case in court that morning, which appearance may be looked for- in was called The office of the Judge, proround numbers - at the expiration of a moted by Tipkins against Bullock for period not exceeding six lunar months his'soul's correction, I passed an hour from the present date. or two in attendance on it with Mr. " After premising thus much, it would Spenlow very agreeably. It arose out be a work of supererogation to add, of a scuffle between two church-warthat dust and ashes are forever scat- dens, one of whom was alleged to have tered pushed the other against a pump; the "On handle of which pump projecting into a "The school-house, which school-house was "Head under a gable of the church-roof, made "Of the push an ecclesiastical offence. It " WILKINS MICAWBER." was an amusing case; and sent me up to Highgate, on the box of the stagePoor Traddles! I knew enough of coach, thinking about the Commons, Mr. Micawber by this time, to foresee and what Mr. Spenlow had said about that he might be expected to recover touching the Commons and bringing the blow; but my night's rest was sore- down the country. ly distressed by thoughts of Traddles, Mrs. Steerforth was pleased to see me, and of the curate's daughter, who was and so was Rosa Dartle. I was agreeone of ten, down in Devonshire, and ably surprised to find that Littimer was who was such a dear girl, and who not there, and that we were attended by would wait for Traddles (ominous a modest little parlor-maid, with blue ____________ H ~. ii; F; %// ~.~~~~~ p~~~~~~fe ~ ~ ~ ~ ~'~~~~~P i/~~~~~~.L~~ "~~rrC7 I_-I~-~I,:-~. —~L/:~ C~7r;L~;7 C7~ _~~~L~~- ----- --— ~~~~~~~~~ ------ --— ~ /1 /7~ OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 243 ribbons in her cap, whose eye it was Well, I replied; perhaps it was a litmuch more pleasant, and much less dis- tle dry. concerting, to catch by accident, than "0, and that's a reason why you the eve of that respectable man. But want relief and change, excitement, what I particularly observed, before I and all that?" said she. "Ah! very had been half an hour in the house, was true! But is n't it a little — eh? - for the close and attentive watch Miss Dar- him; I don't mean you?" tie kept upon me; and the lurking man- A quick glance of her eye towards the ner in which she seemed to compare my spot where Steerforth was walking, with face with Steerforth's, and Steerforth's his mother leaning on his arm, showed with mine, and to lie in wait for some- me whom she meant; but beyond that, thing to come out between the two. So I was quite lost. And I looked so, I surely as I looked towards her, did I see have no doubt. that eager visage, with its gaunt black "Don't it, - I don't say that it does, eyes and searching brow, intent on mind I want to know, - don't it rather mine; or passing suddenly from mine engross him? Don't it make him, perto Steerforth's; or comprehending both haps, a little more remiss than usual in of us at once. In this lynx-like scrutiny his visits to his blindly doting - eh?" she was so far from faltering when she With another quick glance at them, and saw I observed it, that at such a time such a glance at me as seemed to look she only fixed her piercing look upon into my innermost thoughts. me with a more intent expression still. "Miss Dartle," I returned, "pray do Blameless as I was, and I knew that I not think-" was, in reference to any wrong she could " I don't! " she said. " 0 dear me, possibly suspect me of, I shrunk before don't suppose that I think anything I her strange eyes, quite unable to endure I am not suspicious. I only ask a questheir hungry lustre. tion. I don't state any opinion. I All day, she seemed to pervade the want to found an opinion on what you whole house. If I talked to Steerforth tell me. Then, it's not so? Well I I in his room, I heard her dress rustle in am very glad to know it." the little gallery outside. When he and " It certainly is not the fact," said I, I engaged in some of our old exercises perplexed, "that I am accountable for on the lawn behind the house, I saw her Steerforth's having been away from face pass from window to window, like home longer than usual, if he has a wandering light, until it fixed itself in been: which I really don't know at this one, and watched us. When we all four moment, unless I understand it from went out walking in the afternoon, she you. I have not seen him this long closed her thin hand on my arm like a while, until last night." spring to keep me back, while Steerforth " No?" and his mother went on out of hearing: " Indeed, Miss Dartle, no!" and then spoke to me. As she looked full at me, I saw her "You have been a long time," she face grow sharper and paler, and the said, "without coming here. Is your marks of the old wound lengthen out profession really so engaging and in- until it cut through the disfigured lip, teresting as to absorb your whole at- and deep into the nether lip, and slanted tention? I ask because I always want down the face. There was something to be informed, when I am ignorant. Is positively awful to me in this, and in it really, though?" the brightness of her eyes, as she said, I replied that I liked it well enough, looking fixedly at me, - but that I certainly could not claim so " What is he doing?" much for it. I repeated the words, more to myself " 0, I am glad to know that, be- than her, being so amazed. cause I always like to be put right "What is he doing?" she said, with when I am wrong," said Rosa Dartle. an eagerness that seemed enough to ".You mean it is a little dry, per- consume her like a fire. "In what is haps?" that man assisting him, who never looks 44 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE at me without an inscrutable falsehood returned Mrs. Steerforth. " Pray, pray, in his eyes? If you are honorable and Rosa, do not be mysterious.". faithful, I don't ask you to betray your "Mysterious I" she cried. "O0Il friend. I ask you only to tell me, is it really? Do you consider me so?"'' anger, is it hatred, is it pride, is it rest- "Do I constantly entreat you," said lessness, is it some wild fancy, is it love, Mrs. Steerforth, " to speak plainly, in what is it, that is'leading him?" your own natural manner?" - "Miss Dartle," I returned, "how " (Gthen this is not my natural manshall I tell you, so that you will believe ner?" she rejoined. "Now you must me, that I know of nothing in Steer- really bear with me, because I ask for forth different from what there was information. We never know ourwhen I first came here.. I can think of selves." nothing. I firmly believe there is noth- "It has become a second nature," ing. I hardly understand even what said Mrs. Steerforth, without any disyou mean." pleasure; "but I remember, - and so As she still stood looking fixedly at must you, I think, -when your manme, a twitching or throbbing, from which ner was different, Rosa; when it was I could not dissociate the idea of pain, not so guarded, and was more trustcame into that cruel mark, and lifted ful." up the corner of her lip as if with scorn, "I am sure you are right," she reor with a pity that despised its object. turned; "and so it is that bad habits She put her hand upon it hurriedly,- grow upon one! Really? Less guarda hand so thin and delicate, that when ed and more trustful? How can I, imI had seen her hold it up before the perceptibly, have changed, I wonder fire to shade her face, I had compared Well, that's very odd! I must study it in my thoughts to fine porcelain, - to regain my former self." and saying, in a quick, fierce, passionate "I wish you would," said Mrs. Steerway, "I swear you to secrecy about forth, with a smile. this!" said not a word more. "0, I really will, you know!" she anMrs. Steerforth was particularly hap- swered. " I will learn frankness frompy in her son's society, and Steerforth let me see - from James." was, on this occasion, particularly atten- "You cannot learn frankness, Rosa,'' tive and respectful to her. It was very said Mrs. Steerforth, quickly - for there interesting to me to see them together, was always some effect of sarcasm in not only on account of their mutual af- what Rosa Dartle said, though it was fection, but because of the strong per- said, as this was, in the most unconsonal resemblance between them, and scious manner in the world- " ina betthe manner in which what was haughty ter school." or impetuous in him was softened by age "That I am sure of," she answered, and sex, in her, to a gracious dignity. with uncommon fervor. "If I'am sure I thought, more than once, that it was of anything, of course, you know, I am well no serious cause of division had sure of that." ever come between them; or two such Mrs. Steerforth appeared to me to natures - I ought rather to express it, regret having been a little nettled; for two such shades of the same nature - she presently said, in a kind tone,might have been harder to reconcile "Well, my dear Rosa, we have not than the two extremest opposites in heard what it is that you want to ie creation. The idea did not originate in satisfied about?" my own discernment, I am bound to " That I want to be satisfied about?" confess, but in a speech of Rosa Dar- she replied, with provoking coldness. tle's." 0, it was only whether people,,hio She said at dinner, - are like each other in their moral con"O, but do tell me, though, some- stitution - is that the phrase?" body, because I have been thinking " It's as good a phrase as anotei about it all day, and I want to know." said Steerforth. "YoU want to know what, Rosa?"' Thank you: -whether peo6te,-it& OF DA VID COPPERFIELD.:244 are like each other in their moral con- ing and laughing together, with as little eotttion,'are in greater danger than reserve as if we had been children. people not so circumstanced, supposing Whether it was because we had sat Gany serious cause of variance to arise there so long, or because Steerforth between them, of being divided angrily was resolved not to lose the advantage and deeply? " he had gained, I do not know; but we'" I should say yes," said Steer- did not remain in the dining-room more forth. than five minutes after her departure. "Should you? " she retorted. "Dear "She is playing her harp," said Steerrie! Supposing then, for instance - forth, softly, at the drawing-room door, any unlikely thing will do for a suppo- "and nobody but my mother has heard sition - that you and your mother were her do that, I believe, these three to have a serious quarrel." years." He said it with a curious "My dear Rosa," interposed Mrs. smile, which was gone directly; and we Steerforth, laughing good-naturedly, went into the room and found her a suggest some other supposition! alone. James and I know our duty to each "Don't get up," said Steerforth othker better, I pray Heaven!" (which she had already done); "my "O," said Miss Dartle, nodding dear Rosa, don't! Be kind for once, her head thoughtfully, "to be sure. and sing us an Irish song." That would prevent it? Why, of "What do you care for an Irish course it would. Ex-actly. Now, I song?" she returned. am glad I have been so foolish as to "Much! "said Steerforth. "Much put the case, for it is so very good to more than for any other. Here is know that your duty to each other Daisy, too, loves music from his souL would prevent it! Thank you very Sing us an Irish song, Rosa! and let much." me sif and listen as I used to do." One other little circumstance con- He did not touch her, or the chair nected with Miss Dartle I must not from which she had risen, but sat himomit; for I had reason to remember it self near the harp. She stood beside it thereafter, when all the irremediable for some little while, in a curious way, past was rendered plain. During the going through the motion of playing it whole of this day, but especially from with her right hand, but not sounding this period of it, Steerforth exerted him- it. At length she sat down, and drew self with his utmost skill, and that was it to her with one sudden action, and with his utmost ease, to charm this sin- played and sang. gular creature into a pleasant and I don't know what it was, in her touch pleased companion. That he should or voice, that made that song the most succeed, was no matter of surprise to unearthly I have ever heard in my life, me. That she should struggle against or can imagine. There was something the fascinating influence of his delight- fearful in the reality of it. It was as if ful art- delightful nature I thought it had never been written, or set to it then —did not surprise me either; music, but sprung out of the passion for I knew that she was sometimes within her; which found imperfect utjaundiced and perverse. I saw her terance in the low sounds of her voice, features and her manner slowly change; and crouched again when all was still. I saw her look at him with grow- I was dumb when she leaned beside the ing admiration; I saw her try, more harp again, playing it, but not sounding and more faintly, but always angrily, it, with her right hand. as if she -condemned a weakness in A minute more, and this had roused herself, to resist the captivating power me from my trance. Steerforth had that he possessed; and finally I saw left his seat, and gone to her, and had her sharp glance soften, and her smile put his arm laughingly about her, and become quite gentle, and I ceased to be had said, "Come, Rosa, for the future afraid, of her as I had really been all we will love each other very much " day, and we all sat about the fire, talk- And she had struck him, and had ^46 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE thrown him off with the fury of a ever wronged him, even by a shapeless wild-cat, and had burst out of the thought, did I feel within me, that the room. confession of having done so was rising "What is the matter with Rosa?" to my lips. But for the reluctance I said Mrs. Steerforth, coming in. had to betray the confidence of Agnes, "She has been an angel, mother," but for my uncertainty how to approach returned Steerforth, "for a little while; the subject with no risk of doing so, it and has run into the opposite extreme, would have reached them before he since, by way of compensation." said, "God bless you, Daisy, and good " You should be careful not to irritate night! " In my doubt, it did not reach her, James. Her temper has been them; and we shook hands, and we soured, remember, and ought not to be parted. tried." I was up with the dull dawn, and, Rosa did not come back; and no having dressed as quietly as I could, other mention was made of her, until I looked into his room. He was fast went with Steerforth into his room to asleep; lying, easily, with his head upsay good night. Then he laughed about on his arm, as I had often seen him lie her, and asked me if I had ever seen at school. such a fierce little piece of incompre- The time came in its season, and that hensibility. was very soon, when I almost wondered I expressed as much of my astonish- that nothing troubled his repose, as I ment as was then capable-of expression, looked at him. But he slept —let me and asked if he could guess what it was think of him so again - as I had often that she had taken so much amiss, so seen him sleep at school; and thus, in suddenly. this silent hour, I left him. " 0, Heaven knows," said Steerforth. -Never more, O God forgive you, "Anything you like, -or nothing! I Steerforth! to touch that passive hand told you she took everything, herself in love and friendship. Never, never included, to a grindstone, and sharp- more ened it. She is an edge-tool, and requires great care in dealing with. She is always dangerous. Good night! " CHAPTER XXX. "Good night! " said I, "my dear Steerforth! I shall be gone before you A LOSS. wake in the morning. Good night!" He was unwilling to let me go; and I GOT down to Yarmouth in the stood, holding me out, with a hand on evening, and went to the inn. I knew each of my shoulders, as he had done in that Peggotty's spare room - my room my own room. - was likely to have occupation enough "Daisy," he said, with a smile,- in a little while, if that great Visitor, "for though that's not the name your before whose presence all the living godfathers and godmothers gave you, must give place, were not already in it's the name I like best to call you by, the house; so I betook myself to the - and I wish, I wish, I wish you could inn, and dined there, and engaged my give it to me!" bed. "Why so I can, if I choose," said I. It was ten o'clock when I went out. "Daisy, if anything should ever sep- Many of the shops were shut, and the arate us, you must think of me at my town was dull. When I came to Omer best, old boy. Come! let us make that and Joram's, I found the shutters up, bargain. Think of me at my best if but the shop door standing open. As I circumstances should ever part us!" could obtain a perspective view of Mr. "You have no best to me, Steer- Omer inside, smoking his pipe by the forth," said I, "and no worst. You parlor-door, I entered, and asked him are always equally loved, and cherished how he was. in my heart." " Why, bless my life and soul! " said So much compunction for having Mr. Omer, "howdo you find yourself? OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 247 Take a seat. - Smoke not disagreea- likely that to my own knowledge, I'd ble, I hope?" be self-interested under such circum"By no means," said I. " I like it stances. I say it ain't likely, in a man -in somebody else's pipe." who knows his wind will go, when it " What, not in your own, eh?" Mr. does go, as if a pair of bellows was cut Omer returned, laughing. "All the bet- open; and that man a grandfather," ter, sir. Bad habit for a young man. said Mr. Omer. Take a seat. I smoke, myself, for the I said, "Not at all." asthma." "It ain't that I complain of my line Mr. Omer had made room for me, of business," said Mr. Omer. " It and placed a chair. He now sat down ain't that. Some good and some bad again very much out of breath, gasping goes, no doubt, to all callings. What I at his pipe as if it contained a supply of wish is, that parties were brought up that necessary, without which he must stronger minded." perish. Mr. Omer, with a very complacent " I am sorry to have heard bad news and amiable face, took several puffs in of Mr. Barkis," said I. silence; and then said, resuming his Mr. Omer looked at me with a steady first point, - countenance, and shook hisjhead. "Accordingly we're obleeged,. in "Do you know how he is to-night?" ascertaining how Barkis goes on, to I asked. limit ourselves to Em'ly. She knows " The very question I should have what our real objects are, and she don't put to you, sir," returned Mr. Omer, have any more alarms or suspicions "but on account of delicacy. It's one about us, than if we was so many of the drawbacks in our line of busi- lambs. Minnie and Joram have just ness. When a party's ill, we can't ask stepped down to the house, in fact how the party is." (she's there, after hours, helping, her The difficulty had not occurred to me; aunt a bit), to ask her how he is tothough I had had my apprehensions night; and if you was to please to wait too, when I went in, of hearing the old till they come back, they'd give you full tune. On its being mentioned, I rec- partic'lers. Will you take something? ognized it, however, and said as much. A glass of srub and water, now? I " Yes, yes, you understand," said Mr. smoke on srub and water, myself," said Omer, nodding his head. "We durs Mr. Omer, taking up his glass, "ben't do it. Bless you, it would be a cause it's considered softening to the shock that the generality of parties passages, by which this troublesome might n't recover, to say'Omer and breath of mine gets into action. But, Joram's compliments, and how do you Lord bless you," said Mr. Omer, husfind yourself this morning?'-or this kily, "it ain't the passages that's out afternoon- as it may be." of order!'Give me breath enough,' Mr. Omer and I nodded at each oth- says I to my daughter Minnie,'and er, and Mr. Omer recruited his wind by I'11 find passages, my dear."' the aid of his pipe. He really had no breath to spare, and "It's one of the things that cut the it was alarming to see him laugh. trade off from attentions they could often When he was again in a condition to be wish to show," said Mr. Omer. "Take talked to, I thanked him for the profmyself. If I have known Barkis a year, fered refreshment, which I declined, as to move to as he went by, I have known I had just had dinner; and, observing him forty year. But I can't go and that I would wait, since he was so good say,' How is he?'" as to invite me, until his daughter and I felt it was rather hard on Mr. Omer, his son-in-law came back, I inquired and I told him so. how little Emily was? "I'm not more self-interested, I "Well, sir," said Mr. Omer, removhope, than another man," said Mr. ing his pipe, that he might rub his chin; Omer. "Look at me! My wind may " I tell you truly, I shall be glad when fail me at any moment, and it ain't her marriage has taken place." 245. PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Why so? " I inquired. time, at all. Make it your own tinie. "Well, she's unsettled at present," Her services have been more valuable said Mr. Omer. "It ain't that she's than was supposed; her learning has not as pretty as ever, for she's prettier, been quicker than was supposed; OmerI do assure you, she is prettier. It and Joram can run their pen through ain't that she don't work as well as what remains; and she's free when you ever, for she does. She was worth any wish. If she likes to make any little six, and she is worth any six. But arrangement, afterwards, in the way of somehow she wants heart. If you un- doing any little thing for us at home, derstand," said Mr. Omer, after rubbing very well. If she don't, very well still. his chin again, and smoking a little, We're no losers, anyhow.' For, "what I mean in a general way by the don't you see," said Mr. Omer, touchexpression,'A long pull, and a strong ing me with his pipe, "it ain't likely pull, and a pull altogether, my hearties that a man so short of breath as myself, hurrah!' I should say to you, that that and a grandfather too, would go and was-in a general way —what I miss strain points with a little bit of a bluein Em'ly." eyed blossom like her?" Mr. Omer's face and manner went for " Not at all, I am certain," said I. so much, that I could conscientiously "Not at All! You're right! " said nod my head, as divining his meaning. Mr. Omer. "Well, sir, her cousin — My quickness of apprehension seemed you know it's a cousin she's going to to please him, and he went on:- be married to? " "Now, I consider this is principally "0 yes," I replied. "I know him on account of her being in an unsettled well." state, you see. We have talked it over "Of course you do," said Mr. Omern a good deal, her uncle and myself, and "Well, sir! Her cousin being, as it her sweetheart and myself, after busi- appears, in good work, and well to do, ness; and I consider it is principally thanked me in a very manly sort of on account of her being unsettled. You manner for this (conducting himself almust always recollect of Em'ly," said together, I must say, in a way that Mr. Omer, shaking his head gently, gives me a high opinion of him, and "that she's a most extraordinary affec- went and took as comfortable a little tionate little thing. The proverb says, house as you or I could wish to clap'You can't make a silk purse out of a eyes on. That little house is now fursow's ear.' Well, I don't know about nished right through, as neat and cornthat. I rather think you may, if you plete as a doll's parlor; and but for begin early in life. She has made a Barkis's illness having taken this bad home out of that old boat, sir, that turn, poor fellow, they would have been stone and marble couldn't beat." man and wife, I dare say, by this "I am sure she has!" said I. time. As it is, there's a postpone"To see the clinging of that pretty ment." little thing to her uncle," said Mr. "And Emily, Mr. Omer?" I inquired. Omer; "to see the way she holds on to "Has she become more settled?" him, tighter and tighter, and closer and " Why that you know," he returned, closer, every day, is to see a sight. rubbing his double chin again, "can't Now, you know, there's a struggle go- naturally be expected. The prospect ing on when that's the case. Why of the change and separation, and all should it be made a longer one than is that is, as one may say, close to he: needful?" and far away from her, both at oag I listened attentively to the good old Barkis's death need n't put it off mtiti fellow, and acquiesced, with all my but his lingering might. Anyway, i*it' heart, in what he said. an uncertain state of matters, you e;ee'l "Therefore, I mentioned to them," "I see," said I. said Mr. Omer in a comfortable, easy- " Consequently," pursued Mr. Omer, going tone, "this. I said,' Now, don't "Em'ly's still a little down and a little consider Ej'ly nailed downjn point of fluttered; perhaps, upon- the:thl, OF DA MVID COPPERFIELD. 24 she's more so than she was. Every I shook hands with Mr. Peggotty, day she seems to get fonder and fonder and passed into the kitchen, while he of her uncle, and more loath to part softly closed the door. Little Emily from all of us. A kind word from me was sitting by the fire, with her hands brings the tears into her eyes; and if before her face. Ham was standing you was to see her with my daughter near her. Minnie's little girl, you'd never forget We spoke in whispers; listening it. Bless my heart alive! " said Mr. between whiles, for any sound in the Omer, pondering, "how she loves that room above. I had not thought of it child I" on the occasion of my last visit, but Having so favorable an opportunity, how strange it was to me now, to miss it occurred to me to ask Mr. Omer, be- Mr. Barkis out of the kitchen I fore our conversation should be inter- "This is very kind of you, Mas'r rupted by the return of his daughter Davy," said Mr. Peggotty. and her husband, whether he knew any- " It is oncommon kind," said Ham. thing of Martha. "Em'ly, my dear," cried Mr. Peg" Ah! " he rejoined, shaking-his head, gotty. "See here! Here's Mas'r and looking very much dejected. "No Davy come! What, cheer up, pretty I good. A sad story, sir, however you Not a wured to Mas'r Davy?" come to know it. I never thought there There was a trembling upon her, was harm in the girl. I wouldn't wish that I can see now. The coldness of to mention it before my daughter Min- her hand when I touched it, I can feel nie, -for she'd take me up directly, - yet. Its only sign of animation was to but I never did. None of us ever did." shrink from mine; and then she glided Mr. Omer, hearing his daughter's from the chair, and, creeping to the footstep, before I heard it, touched me other side of her uncle, bowed herself, with his pipe, and shut up one eye, as silently and trembling still, upon his a caution. She and her husband came breast. in immediately afterwards. "It's such a loving art," said Mr. Their report was, that Mr. Barkis Peggotty, smoothing her rich hair with was "as bad as bad could be"; that his great hard hand, "that it can't he was quite unconscious; and that abear the sorrer of this. It's nat'ral in Mr. Chillip had mournfully said in the young folk, Mas'r Davy, when they're kitchen, on going away just now, that new to these here trials, and timid, like the College of Physicians, the College my little bird, -it's nat'ral." of Surgeons, and Apothecaries' Hall, She clung the closer to him, but if they were all called in together, neither lifted up her face, nor spoke a couldn't help him. He was past both word. Colleges, Mr. Chillip said, and the "It's getting late, my dear," said Mr. Hall could only poison him. Peggotty, "and here's Ham come fur Hearing this, and learning that Mr. to take you home. Theer! Go along Peggotty was there, I determined to go with t' other loving art! What, Em'ly? to the house at once. I bade good Eh, my pretty?" night to Mr. Omer, and to Mr. and The sound of her voice had not Mrs. Joram; and directed my steps reached me, but he bent his head as if thither, with a solemn feeling, which he listened to her, and then said:made Mr. Barkis quite a new and differ- "Let you stay with your uncle? ent creature. Why, you doen't mean to ask me that I My low tap at the door was answered Stay with your uncle, Moppet? When by Mr. Peggotty. He was not so much your husband that'11 be so soon is here surprised to see me as I had expected. fur to take you home? Now a person I remarked this in Peggotty, too, when would n't think it, fur to see this little she came down; and I have seen it thing alongside a rough-weather chap since; and I think, in the expectation like me," said Mr. Peggotty, looking of that dread surprise, all other changes round at both of us, with nfiite pride; ard surprises dwindle into nothing. "but the sea ain't more salt in it than 250 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE she has fondness in her for her uncle, - the cause of her being so unlike hera foolish little Em'ly!" self, -and I had leisure, before Peg" Em'ly's in the right in that, Mas'r gotty came down, even to think more Davy!" said Ham. "Lookee here! leniently of the weakness of it: as I sat As'Em'ly wishes of it, and as she's counting the ticking of the clock, and hurried and frightened, like, besides, deepening my sense of the solemn hush I'11 leave her till morning. Let me around me. Peggotty took me in her stay too!" arms, and blessed and thanked me over " No, no," said Mr. Peggotty. "You and over again for being such a comfort doen't ought —a married man like you to her (that was what she said) in her - or what's as good - to take and hull distress. She then entreated me to away a day's work. And you doen't come up stairs, sobbing that Mr. Barought to watch and work both. That kis had. always liked me and admired won't do. You go home and turn in. me; that he had often talked of me, You ain't afeerd of Em'ly not being before he fell into a stupor; and that took good care on, I know." she believed, in case of his coming to Ham yielded to this persuasion, and himself again, he would brighten up at took his hat to go. Even when he sight of me, if he could brighten up at kissed her,- and I never saw him ap- any earthly thing. proach her, but I felt that Nature had The probability of his ever doing so given him the soul of a gentleman, - appeared to me, when I saw him, to be she seemed to cling closer to her uncle, very small. He was lying with his even to the avoidance of her chosen head and shoulders out of bed, in an husband. I shut the door after him, uncomfortable attitude, half resting on that it might cause no disturbance of the box which had cost him so much the quiet that prevailed; and when I pain and trouble. I learned, that, when turned back, I found Mr. Peggotty still he was past creeping out of bed to open talking to her. it, and past assuring himself of its safety " Now, -I'm a going up stairs to tell by means of the divining-rod I had seen your aunt as Mas'r Davy's here, and him use, he had required to have it that'll cheer her up a bit," he said. placed on the chair at the bedside, " Sit ye down by the fire, the while, my where he had ever since embraced it, dear, and warm these mortal cold hands. night and day. His arm lay on it now; You doen't need to be so fearsome, and Time and the world were slipping from take on so much. What? You'll go beneath him, but the box was there; along with me? -Well! come along and the last words he had uttered were with me-come! If her uncle was (in an explanatory tone) "Old clothes!" turned out of house and home, and "Barkis, my dear!" said Peggotty, forced to lay down in a dike, Mas'r almost cheerfully: bending over him, Davy," said Mr. Peggotty, with no less while her brother and I stood at the pride than before, "it's my belief she'd bed's foot. "Here's my dear boy, — go along with him, now! But there'11 my dear boy, Master Davy, who be some one else, soon,-some one brought us together, Barkis! That else, soon, Em'ly!" you sent messages by, you know! Afterwards, when I went up stairs, as Won't you speak to Master Davy?" I passed the door of my little chamber, He was as mute and senseless as the which was dark, I had an indistinct im- box, from which his form derived the pression of her being within it, cast only expression it had. down upon the floor. But whether it "He's a going out with the tide," was really she, or whether it was a con- said Mr. Peggotty to me, behind his fusion of the shadows in the room, I hand. don't know now. My eyes were dim, and so were Mr. I had leisure to think, -before the Peggotty's; but I repeated in a whiskitchen fire, of pretty little Em'ly's per, "With the tide?" dread of death, - which, added to what "People can't die along the coast,"' Mr. Omer hadc told me, I took to be said Mr. Peggotty, "except when the. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 25k tide's pretty nigh out. They can't be charge of Mr. Barkis's will, and exborn, unless it's pretty nigh in, -not pounding its contents. properly born, till flood. He's a going I may claim the merit of having out with the tide. It's ebb at half arter originated the suggestion that the will three, slack water half an hour. If he should be looked for in the box. After lives till it turns, he'll hold his own some search, it was found in the box, till past the flood, and go out with the at the bottom of a horse's nose-bag; next tide." wherein (besides hay) there was disWe remained there, watching him, a covered an old gold watch, with chain long time,- hours. What mysterious and seals, which Mr. Barkis had worn influence my presence had upon him in on his wedding-day, and which had that state of his senses I shall not pre- never been seen before or since; a silver tend to say; but when he at last began tobacco-stopper, in the form of a leg; to wander feebly, it is certain he was an imitation lemon, full of minute cups muttering about driving me to school. and saucers, which I have some idea " He's coming to himself," said Peg- Mr. Barkis must have purchased to pregotty. sent to me when I was a child, and Mr. Peggotty touched me, and whis- afterwards found himself unable to part pered with much awe and reverence, with; eighty-seven guineas and a halft "They are both a going out fast." in guineas and half-guineas; two hun"Barkis, my dear!" said Peggotty. dred and ten pounds, in perfectly clean "C. P. Barkis," he cried, faintly. bank-notes; certain receipts for Bank "No better woman anywhere! " of England stock; an old horseshoe, a "Look! Here's Master Davy!" bad shilling, a piece of camphor, and an said Peggotty. For he now opened his oyster-shell. From the circumstance of eyes. the latter article having been much I was on the point of asking him if polished, and displaying prismatic colhe knew me, when he tried to stretch ors on the inside, I conclude that Mr. out his arm, and said to me, distinctly, Barkis had some general ideas about with a pleasant smile, - pearls, which never resolved themselves " Barkis is willin'! " into anything definite. And, it being low water, he went out For years and years Mr. Barkis had *with the tide. carried this box, on all his journeys, every day. That it might the better escape notice; he had invented a fiction CHAPTER XXXI. that it belonged to "Mr. Blackboy," and was "to be left with Barkis till A GREATER LOSS. called for "; a fable he had elaborately written on the lid, in characters now IT was not difficult for me, on Peg- scarcely legible. gotty's solicitation, to resolve to stay He had hoarded, all these years, I where I was, until after the remains of found, to-good purpose. His property the poor carrier should have made their in money amounted to nearly three last journey to Blunderstone. She had thousand pounds. Of this he belong ago bought, out of her own sav- queathed -the interest of one thousand ings, a little piece of ground in our old to Mr. Peggotty for his life; on his churchyard near the grave "of her decease, the principal to be equally sweet girl," as she always called my divided between Peggotty, little Emily, mother; and there they were to rest. and me, or the survivor or survivors of In keeping Peggotty company, and us, share and share alike. All the rest doing all I could for her (little enough he died possessed of he bequeathed to at the utmost), I was as grateful, I re- Peggotty, whom he left residuary legajoice to think, as even now I could wish tee and sole executrix of that his last myself to have been. But I am afraid will and testament. I had a supreme satisfaction, of a per- I felt myself quite a proctor when I tsal and professional nature, in taking read this document alotd with all pos 252 PERSONAL.HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE sible ceremony, and set forth its provi- Ham would bring Emily at the-:usal sions, any number of times, to those hour. I would walk back at my leisure. whom they concerned. I began to The brother and sister would return as think there was more in the Commons they had come, and be expectingusi than I had supposed. I examined the when the day closed in, at the firewill with the deepest attention, pro- side. nounced it perfectly formal in all re- I parted from them at the wicket-gate, spects, made a pencil-mark or so in the where visionary Straps had rested with margin, and thought it rather extraor- Roderick Random's knapsack in the dinary that I knew so much. days of yore; and, instead of going In this abstruse pursuit; in making straight back, walked a little distance an account for Peggotty of all the prop- on the road to Lowestoft. Then I erty into which she had come; in ar- turned, and walked back towards Yarranging all the affairs in an orderly man- mouth. I stayed to dine at a decent ner; and in being her referee and alehouse, some mile or two from the adviser on every point, to our joint Ferry I have mentioned before; and delight; I passed the week before the thus the day wore away, and it was funeral. I did not see little Emily in evening when I reached it. Rain was that interval, but they told me she was falling heavily by that time, and it was to be quietly married in a fortnight. a wild night; but there was a moon I did not attend the funeral m char- behind the clouds and it was not acter, if I may venture to say so. I dark. mean I was not dressed up in a black I was soon within sight of Mr. Pegcloak and a streamer, to frighten the gotty's house, and of the light within it birds; but I walked over to Blunder- shining through the window. A little stone early in the morning, and was in floundering across the sand, which was the churchyard when it came, attended heavy, brought me to the door, and I only by Peggotty and her brother. The went in. mad gentleman looked on, out of my It looked very comfortable, indeed. little window; Mr. Chillip's baby Mr. Peggotty had smoked his evening wagged its heavy head, and rolled its pipe, and there were preparations for goggle eyes, at the clergyman, over its some supper by and by. The fire was nurse's shoulder; Mr. Omer breathed bright, the ashes were thrown up, the short in the background; no one else locker was ready for little Emily in her was there; and it was very quiet. We old place. In her own old place sat walked about the churchyard for an Peggotty, once more, looking (but for hour, after all was over, and pulled her dress) as if she had never left it. some young leaves from the tree above She had fallen back, already, on the my mother's grave.. society of the work-box with Saint A dread falls on me here. A cloud is Paul's upon the lid, the yard-measure lowering on the distant town, towards in the cottage, and the bit of wax-canwhich I retraced my solitary steps. I die: and there they all were, just as if fear to approach it. I cannot bear to they had never been disturbed. Mrs. think of what did come, upon that Gummidge appeared to be fretting a lit. memorable night; of what must come tie, in her old corner; and consequently. again, if I go on. looked quite natural, too. It is no worse, because I write of it. "You're first of the lot, Mas'r DaIt would be no better, if I stopped vy! " said Mr. Peggotty, with a happy my most unwilling hand. It is done. face. "Doen't keep in that coat, sir, Nothing can undo it; nothing can if it's wet." make it otherwise than as it was. "Thank you, Mr. Peggotty," said I, My old nurse was to go to London giving him my outer coat to hang up. with me next day, on the business "It's quite dry." of the will. Little Emily was passing "So'tis," said Mr. Peggotty, feeling that day at Mr. Omer's. We were all my shoulders. "As a chip! Sit ye to meet in the obl boat-house that night.. downsir,. It ain't,o no us iae Ayd OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 25 telcome to you, but you're welcome, sore distress of mind, he glanced at the kind and hearty." Dutch clock, rose, snuffed the candle, "Thank you, Mr. Peggotty, I am' and put it in the window. sure of that. Well, Peggotty i" said "Theer!" said Mr. Peggotty, cheerI, giving her a kiss. "And how are ily. "Theer we are, Misses Gumyou, old woman?" midge!" Mrs. Gummidge slightly "Ha, ha t" laughed Mr. Peggotty, groaned. "Lighted up, accordin' to sitting down beside us, and rubbing his custom! You're a wonderin' what hands in his sense of relief from recent that's fur, sir I Well, it's fur our little trouble, and in the genuine heartiness Em'ly. You see, the path ain't over of his nature; "there's not a woman light or cheerful arter dark; and when in the wureld, sir- as I tell her - that I'm here at the hour as she's a comin' need to feel more easy in her mind than home, I puts the light in the winder. her! She done her dooty by the de- That, you see," said Mr. Peggotty, parted, and the departed know'd it; bending over me with great glee, and the departed done what was right "meets two objects. She says, says by her, as she done what was right by Em'ly,'Theer's home!' she says. the departed; -and - and - and it's And likewise, says Em'ly,'My uncle's allright I" theer!' Fur if I ain't theer, I never Mrs. Gummidge groaned. have no light showed." " Cheer up, my pretty mawther " "You're a baby! " said Peggotty; said Mr. Peggotty. (But he shook his very fond of him for it, if she thought head aside at us, evidently sensible of so. the tendency of the late occurrences to "Well," returned Mr. Peggotty, recall the memory of the old one.) standing with his legs pretty wide "'Doen't be down! Cheer up, for your apart, and rubbing his hands up and cawn self, on'y a little bit, and see if a down them in his comfortable satisfacgood deal more doen't come nat'ral! " tion, as he looked alternately at us and " Not to me, Dan'l," returned Mrs. at the fire, "I doen't know but I am. Gummidge. "Nothink's nat'ral to me Not you see, to look at." but to be lone and lorn." " ot azackly," observed Peggotty. " No, no," said Mr. Peggotty, sooth- "No," laughed Mr. Peggotty, "not ing her sorrows. to look at, but to -to consider on, you "Yes, yes, Dan'l " said Mrs. Gum- know. I doen't care, bless you I Now midge. " I ain't a person to live with I tell you. When I go a looking and them as has had money left. Thinks looking about that theer pritty house of go too contrairy with me. I had better our Em'ly's, I'm- I'm Gormed," said be a riddance." Mr. Peggotty, with sudden emphasis"Why, how should I ever spend it "theer! I can't say more - if I doen't without you?" said Mr. Peggotty, with feel as if the littlest things was her, an air of serious remonstrance. "What a'most. I takes'em up and I puts'em are you a talking on? Doen't I want down, and I touches of'em as delicate you more now than ever I did? " as if they was our Em'ly. So't is with "I know'd I was never wanted be- her little bonnets and that. I couldn't fore!" cried Mrs. Gummidge, with a see one on'em rough used a purpose - pitiable whimper, "and now I'm told not fur the whole wureld. There's a so! How could I expect to be wanted, babby for you, in the form of a great being so lone and lorn, and so contra- Sea Porkypine!" said Mr. Peggotty, iry:i" ~. relieving his earnestness with a roar of Mr. Peggotty seemed very much laughter. shocked at himself for having made a Peggotty and I both laughed, but speech capable of this unfeeling con- not so loud. struction, but was prevented from re- " It's my opinion, you see," said Mr. plying, by Peggotty's pulling his sleeve, Peggotty, with a delighted face, after anq shaking her head. After looking at some further rubbing of his legs, "as 4rs. Gummidge for some moments, in thi-is along of my havijn' played with 254 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE her so much, and made believe as we what I dreaded. I could only look at was Turks, and French, and sharks, and him. every wariety of forinners — bless you, " Ham! Poor good fellow! For yes; and lions and whales, and I don't Heaven's sake tell me what's the matknow what all! - when she warn't no ter!" higher than my knee. I've got into "My love, Mas'r Davy, -the pride the way on it, you know. Why, this and hope of my art, —her that I'd here candle, now," said Mr. Peggotty, have died for, and would die for now, gleefully holding out his hand towards - she's gone! " it, "I know wery well that arter she's "Gone?" married and gone, I shall put that can- "Em'ly's run away! 0 Mas'r Davy, die theer, just that same as now. I know think how she's run away, when I pray wery well that when I'm here o' nights my good and gracious God to kill her (and where else should I live, bless (her that is so dear above all things) your arts, whatever fortun' I come in- sooner than let her come to ruin and to!) and she ain't here, or I ain't theer, disgrace I " I shall put the candle in ithe winder, The face he turned up to the troubled and sit afore the fire, pretending I'm sky, the quivering of his clasped hands, expecting of her, like I m a.d.oing now. the agony of his figure, remain assoThere's a babby for you," said Mr. ciated with that lonely waste, in my rePeggotty, with another roar, " in the membrance, to this hour. It is always form of a Sea Porkypine! Why, at night there, and he is the only object the present minute, when I see the can- in the scene. die sparkle up, I says to myself, "You're a scholar," he said, hur-'She's a looking at it! Em'ly's a riedly, "and know what's right and coming!' There's a babby for you, in best. What am I to say, in doors? the form of a Sea Porkypine! Right How am I ever to break it to him, for all that," said Mr. Peggotty, stop- Mas'r Davy?" ping in his roar, and smiting his hands I saw the door move, and instinctogether; " fur here she is! " tively tried to hold the latch on the outIt was only Ham. The night should side, to gain a moment's time. It was have turned more wet since I came in, too late. Mr. Peggotty thrust forth his for he had a large sou'wester hat on, face; and never could I forget the slouched over his face. change that came upon it when he "Where's Em'ly?" said Mr. Peg- saw us, if I were to live five hundred gotty. years. Ham made a motion with his head, I remember a great wail and cry, and as if she were outside. Mr. Peggotty the women hanging about him, and we took the light from the window, trimmed all standing in the room; I with a pait, put it on the table, and was busily per in my hand, which Ham had given stirring the fire, when Ham, who had me; Mr. Peggotty, with his vest torn not moved, said, - open, his hair wild, his face and lips "Mas'r Davy, will you come out a quite white, and blood trickling down minute, and see what Em'ly and me his bosom (it had sprung from his has got to show you?" mouth, I think), looking fixedly at me. We went out. As I passed him at "Read it, sir," he said, in a low, the door, I saw, to my astonishment shivering voice. "Slow, please, I and fright, that he was deadly pale. doen't know as I can understand." He pushed me hastily into the open In the midst of the silence of death, air, and closed the door upon us. Only I read thus, from a blotted letter. upon us two. matter" "' When you, who love me so much "HMas'r Davyts!-" 0 for his broken better than I ever have deserved, even heart, how dreadfully he wept! when my mind was innocent, see this, I was paralyzed by the sight of such I shall be far away.' grief. I don't know what I thought, or "I shall be fur away," he repeated OF DA VID COPPERFIELD, 25 slowly. "Stop! Em'ly fur away. "Who's the man? I want to know Well!" his name." "'When I leave my dear home - Ham glanced at me, and suddenly I my dear home- 0, my dear home I- felt a shock that struck me back. in the morning__ me "There's a man suspected," said Mr. Peggotty. "Who is it?"'The letter bore date on the previous "Mas'r Davy!" implored Ham. night.) "Go out a bit, and let me tell him what'-it will be never to come back, I must. You doen't ought to hear it, unless he brings me back a lady. This sr. will be found at night, many hours after, I felt the shock again. I sank down instead of me. 0, if you knew howmy in a chair, and tried to utter some reheart is torn. If even you, that I have ply; but my tongue was fettered, and wronged so much, that never can for- mysight was weak. give me, could only know what I suf- I want to know hs name I heard Ferl I am too wicked to write about said, once more. myself. 0, take comfort in thinking For some time past," Ham faltered, myself, take comfort in thinking "there's been a servant about here, at that I am so bad. 0, for mercy's sake t ehere's been a servant about here, at tell uncle that I never loved him half so o times. There' been a gen'm'n dear as now. 0, don't remember how too. Both of em belonged to one affectionate and kind you have all been anotr." to me,-don't remember we were Mr. Peggotty stood fixed as before, ever to be married, -but try to think but now looking at him. as if I died when I was little, and was "he servant," pursued Ham, "was buried somewhere. Pray Heaven that seen along with - our poor girl - last I am going away from, have compas- niht. He's been in hiding about here, sion on my uncle Tell him that this week or over. He was thought to never loved him half so dear. Be his have gone, but he was hiding. Doen't comfort. Love some good girl, that stay, Mas'r Davy, doen't will be what I was once to uncle, and I felt Peggotty's arm round my neck, but I could not have moved if the house be true to you, and worthy of you, and had been about tfall o me know no shamebut me. God bless all! ee ot t I'11 pray for all, often, on my knees. strange cha and horses was out If he don't bring me back a lady, and I side town, this orning, on the Nordon't pray for my own. self, I'1 pray wich road, a'most afore the day broke," for all. My parting love to uncle. My Ham went on. " The servant went to last tears, and my last thanks, for un- it, and come from it, and went to it cle i' again. When he went to it again, Em'ly was nigh him. The t' other was inThat was all. side. He's the man." He stood, long after I had ceased to "For the Lord's love," said Mr. read, still looking at me. At length Peggotty, falling back, and putting out I ventured to take his hand, and to his hand, as if to keep off what he entreat him, as well as I could, to en- dreaded. " Doen't tell me his name's deavor to get some command of him- Steerforth " self. He replied, "I thankee, sir, I "Mas'r Davy," exclaimed Ham, in thankee! " without moving. a broken voice, "it ain't no fault of Ham spoke to him. Mr. Peggotty yourn, - and I am far from laying of it was so far sensible of his affliction, that to you,- but his name is Steerforth, he wrung his hand; but, otherwise, he and he's a damned villain! " remained in the same state, and no one Mr. Peggotty uttered no cry, and dared to disturb him. shed no tear, and moved no more, until Slowly, at last, he moved his eyes he seemed to wake again, all at once, from my face, as if he were waking from and pulled down his rough coat from its a vision, and cast them round the room. peg in a corner. Thln he said, in a low voice, - "Bear a hand with this I I'm struck 256 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE of a heap, and can't do it," he said, CHAPTER XXXII. impatiently. "Bear a hand and help me. Well! " when somebody had done THE BEGINNING OF A LONG JOURNEY. so. "Now give me that theer hat! " Ham asked him whither he was go- WHAT is natural in me, is natural in ing. many other men, I infer, and so I am "I'm a going to seek my niece. not afraid to write that I never had I'm a going to seek my Em'ly. I'm a loved Steerforth better than when the going, first, to stave in that theer boat, ties that bound me to him were broken. and sink itwhere I would have drownded In the keen distress of the discovery of him, as I'm a livin' soul, if I had had his unworthiness, I thought more of one thought of what was in him I As all that was brilliant in him, I softened he sat afore me," he said, wildly, hold- more towards all that was good in him, ing out his clenched right hand, — "as I did more justice to the qualities that he sat afore me, face to face, strike me might have made him a man of a noble down dead, but I'd have drownded him, nature and a great name, than ever I and thought it right I'm a going to had done in the height of my devotion seek my niece." to him. Deeply as I felt my own un"Where?" cried Ham, interposing conscious part in his pollution of an himself before the door. honest home, I believed that if I had "Anywhere! I'm a going to seek been brought face to face with him, I my niece through the wureld. I'm a could not have uttered one reproach. going to find my poor niece in her I should have loved him so well still, - shame, and bring her back. No one though he fascinated me no longer, - I stop me! I tell you I'm a going to should have held in so much tenderseek my niece!" ness the memory of my affection for "No, no!" cried Mrs. Gummidge, him, that I think I should have been coming between them, in a fit of crying. as weak as a spirit-wounded child, in " No, no, Dan'l, not as you are now. all but the entertainment of a thought Seek her in a little while, my lone lorn that we could ever be reunited. That Dan'l, and that'll be but right! but not thought I never had. I felt, as he had as you are now. Sit ye down, and give felt, that all was at an end between us. me your forgiveness for having ever been What his remembrances of me were I a worrit to you, Dan'l, - what have my have never known, - they were light contrairies ever been to this! - and let enough, perhaps, and easily dismissed us speak a word about them times when - but mine of him were as the rememshe was first an orphan, and when Ham brances of a cherished friend, who was was too, and when I was a poor widder dead. woman, and you took me in. It'11 Yes, Steerforth, long removed from soften your poor heart, Dan'l," laying the scenes of this poor history! My her head upon his shoulder, "and you sorrow may bear involuntary witness'11 bear your sorrow better; for you against you at the Judgment Throne know the promise, Dan'l,' As you have but my angry thoughts or my reproaches done it unto one of the least of these, never will, I know I you have done it unto me'; and that The news of what had happened can never fail under this roof, that's soon spread through the town; insobeen our shelter for so many, many much that as I passed along the streets year!" next morning, I overheard the people He was quite passive now; and when speaking of it at their doors. Many I heard him crying, the impulse that were hard upon her, some few were had been upon me to go down upon my hard upon him, but towards her second knees, and ask their pardon for the father and her lover there was but one desolation I had caused, and curse sentiment. Among all kinds of people Steerforth, yielded to a better feeling. a respect for them in their distress My overcharged heart found the same prevailed, which was full of gentleness relief, and I cried too. and delicacy. The seafaring men lert OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 257 apart, when those two were seen early, "My station, Mas'r Davy," he walking with slow steps on the beach; returned, "ain't there no longer; and and stood in knots, talking compassion- if ever a boat foundered, since there ately among themselves. was darkness on the face of the deep, It was on the beach, close down by that one's gone down. But no, sir, the sea, that I found them. It would no; I doen't mean as it should be have been easy to perceive that they deserted. Fur from that." had not slept all last night, even if Peg- We walked again for a while, as begotty had failed to tell me of their still fore, until he explained:sitting just as I left them, when it was "My wishes is, sir, as it shall look, broad day. They looked worn; and I day and night, winter and summer, as thought Mr. Peggotty's head was bowed it has always looked, since she first in one night more than in all the years know'd it. If ever she should come I had known him. But they were both a wandering back, I would n't have the as grave and steadyas sthe sea itself: old place seem to cast her off, you then lying beneath a dark sky, wave- understand, but seem to tempt her to less, - yet with a heavy roll upon it, as draw nigher to't, and to peep in, maybe, if it breathed in its rest, - and touched, like a ghost, out of the wind and rain, on the horizon, with a strip of silvery through the old winder, at the old seat light from the unseen sun. by the fire. Then, maybe, Mas'r Davy, "We have had a mort of talk, sir," seein' none but Missis Gummidge there, said Mr. Peggotty to me, when we had she might take heart to creep in, tremall three walked a little while in silence, bling; and might come to be laid down "of what we ought and doen't ought in her old bed, and rest her weary head to do. But we see our course now." where it was once so gay." I happened to glance at Ham, then I could not speak to him in reply, looking out to sea upon the distant light, though I tried. and a frightful thought came into my "Every night," said Mr. Peggotty, mind, -not that his face was angry, "as reg'lar as the night comes, the for it was not; I recall nothing but an candle must be stood in its old pane of expression of stem determination in it, glass, that if ever she should see it, it -that if ever he encountered Steer- may seem to say,' Come back, my child, forth, he would kill him. come back' If ever there's a knock, " M dooty here, sir," said Mr. Peg- Ham (partic'ler a soft knock), arter dark, gotty, "is done. I'm a going to seek at your aunt's door, doen't you go nigh my -" he stopped, and went on in a it. Let it be her - not you - that sees firmer voice: "I'm a going to seek my fallen child! " her. That's my dooty evermore." He walked a little in front of us, and He shook his head when I asked him kept before us for some minutes. Durwhere he would seek her, and inquired ing this interval, I glanced at Ham if I were going to London to-morrow? again, and observing the same expresI told him I had not gone to-day, fear- sion on his face, and his eyes still ing to lose the chance of being of any directed to the distant light, I touched service to him; but that I was ready his arm. to go when he would. Twice I called him by his name, in "I'11 go along with you, sir," he the tone in which I might have tried to rejoined, "ifyou're agreeable, to-mor- rouse a sleeper, before he heeded me. row." When I at last inquired on what his We walked again, for'a while, in thoughts were so bent, he replied, - silence. "On what's afore me, Mas'r Davy; "Ham,"' he presently resumed, and over yon." "he'll hold to his present work, and go "On the life before you, do you ind live along with my sister. The old mean?" He had pointed confusedly:oat vonder -" out to sea. "Will you desert the old boat, Mr. "Ay, Mas'r Davy. I doen't rightly Peggotty " I gently interposed. know how't is, but from over yon there I7 258- PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE seemed to me to come - the end of it tell me how you fare to feel upon your like "; looking at me as if he were lone lorn journeys." waking, but with the same determined "You'11 be a solitary woman here, face. I'm afeerd! " said Mr. Peggotty. "What end?" I asked, possessed by "No, no, Dan'l," she returned, "I my former fear. sha'n't be that. Doen't you mind me. "I doen't know," he said, thought- I shall have enough to do to keep a fully; " I was calling to mind that the Beein for you " (Mrs. Gummidge meant beginning of it all did take place here, a home) "again you come back, - to - and then the end come. But it's keep a Beein here for any that may hap gone! Mas'r Davy," he added; an- to come back, Dan'l. In the fine time, swering, as I think, my look; "you I shall set outside the door as I used han't no call to be afeerd of me; but to do. If any should come nigh, they I'm kiender muddled; I don't fare to shall see the old widder woman true to feel no matters,"-which was as much'em, a long way off." as to say that he was not himself, and What a change in Mrs. Gummidge quite confounded. in a little time! She was another woMr. Peggotty stopping for us to join man. She was so devoted, she had him, we did so, and said no more. such a quick perception of what it The remembrance of this, in connec- would be well to say, and what it would tion with my former thought, however, be well to leave unsaid, she was so forhaunted me at intervals, even until the getful of herself, and so regardful of inexorable end came at its appointed the sorrow about her, that I held her time. in a sort of veneration. The work she We insensibly approached the old did that day! There were many things boat, and entered. Mrs. Gummidge, to be brought up from the beach and no longer moping in her especial cor- stored in the outhouse, - as oars, nets, ner, was busy preparing breakfast. sails, cordage, spars, lobster-pots, bags She took Mr. Peggotty's hat, and of ballast, and the like; and though placed his seat for him, and spoke so there was abundance of assistance rencomfortably and softly, that I hardly dered, there being not a pair of workknew her. ing hands on all that shore but would "Dan'l, my good man," said she, have labored hard for Mr. Peggotty, "you must eat and drink, and keep up and been well paid in being asked to your strength, for without it you'11 do do it, yet she persisted, all day long, in nowt. Try, that's a dear soul! And toiling under weights that she was quite if I disturb you with my clicketen," unequal to, and fagging to and fro on she meant her chattering, " tell me so, all sorts of unnecessary errands. As to Dan'l, and I won't." deploring her misfortune, she appeared When she had served us all, she with- to have entirely lost the recollection of drew to the window, where she sedu- ever having had any. She preserved an lously employed herself in repairing equable cheerfulness in the midst of some shirts and other clothes belong- her sympathy, which was not the least ing to Mr. Peggotty, and neatly folding astonishing part of the change that and packing them in an old oilskin bag, had come over her. Querulousness was such as sailors carry. Meanwhile, she out of the question. I did not even continued talking, in the same quiet observe her voice to falter, or a tear to manner: — escape from,her eyes, the whole day " All times and seasons, you know, through, until twilight; when she and I Dan'l," said Mrs. Gummidge, " I shall and Mr. Peggotty being alone together, be allus here, and every think will look and he having fallen asleep in perfect accordin' to your wishes. I'm a poor exhaustion, she broke into a half-supscholar, but I shall write to you, odd pressed fit of sobbing and crying, and times, when you're away, and send my taking me to the door, said, " Ever bless letters to Mas'r Davy. Maybe you'11 you, Mas'r Davy, be a friend to him, write to me too, Dan'l, odd times, and poor dear I" Then she imaiediately OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 259 ran out of the house to wash her face, Em'ly is very bad, but they were fond in order that she might sit quietly be- of one another. And the child knows side him, and be found at work there, nothing!" when he should awake. In short, I left Mrs. Joram was so unhappy, that her her, when I went away at night, the husband came out to take care of her. prop and staff of Mr. Peggotty's afflic- Leaving them together, I went home to tion: and I could not meditate enough Peggotty's; more melancholy myself, upon the lesson that I read in Mrs. if possible, than I had been yet. Gummidge, and the new experience she That good creature- I mean Pegunfolded to me. gotty- all untired by her late anxieties It was between nine and ten o'clock and sleepless nights, was at her brothwhen, strolling in a melancholy manner er's, where she meant to stay till mornthrough the town, I stopped at Mr. ing. An old woman, who had been Omer's door. Mr. Omer had taken it employed about the house for some so much to heart, his daughter told me, weeks past, while Peggotty had been that he had been very low and poorly unable to attend to it, was the house's all day, and had gone to bed without only other occupant besides myself. his pipe. As I had no occasion for her services, "A deceitful, bad hearted girl," said I sent her to bed, by no means against Mrs. Joram. "There was no good in her will; and sat down before the her, ever! " kitchen fire a little while, to think about "Don't say so," I returned. "You all this. don't think so." I was blending it with the death-bed "Yes, I do I" cried Mrs. Joram, of the late Mr. Barkis, and was driving angrily. out with the tide towards the distance "No,-no," said I. at which Ham had looked so singularly Mrs. Joram tossed her head, endeav- in the morning, when I was recalled Dring to be very stern and cross; but from my wanderings by a knock at the she could not command her softer self, door. There was a knocker upon the and began to cry. I was young, to be door, but it was not that which made sure; but I thought much the better of the sound. The tap was from a hand, ier for this sympathy, and fancied it and low down upon the door, as if it.ecame her, as a virtuous. wife and were given by a child. nother, very well indeed. It made me start as much as if it had " What will she ever do I " sobbed been the knock of a footman to a perWinnie. "Where will she go! What son of distinction. I opened the door; vill become of her! 0, how could she and at first looked down, to my amaze)e so cruel, to herself and him " ment, on nothing but a great umbrella I remembered the time when Minnie that appeared to be walking about of vas a young and pretty girl; and I itself. But presently I discovered, unvas glad that she remembered it'too, derneath it, Miss Mowcher.:o feelingly. I might not have been prepared to "My little Minnie," said Mrs. give the little creature a very kind reoram, " has only just now been got to ception, if, on her removing the umbrelleep. Even in her sleep she is sob- la, which her utmost efforts were unable ting for Em'ly. All day long, little to shut up, she had shown me the "volJinnie has cried for her, and asked atile" expression of face which had ie, over and over again, whether made so great an impression on me at wm'ly was wicked? What can I say our first and last meeting. But her a her, when Em'ly tied a ribbon off face, as she turned it up to mine, was ter own neck round little Minnie's the so earnest, and when I relieved her of ist night she was here, and laid her the umbrella (which would have been sead down on the pillow beside her till an inconvenient one for the Irish Gihe was fast asleep! The ribbon's round ant), she wrung her little hands in such ly little Minnie's neck now. It ought an afflicted manner, that.I rather inot to be, perhaps, but what can I do? dined towards her. 260 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Miss Mowcher!" said I, after " What can I do? " returned the little glancing up and down the empty street, woman, standing up, and holding out without distinctly knowing what I ex- her arms to show herself. " See! What pected to see besides; "how do you I am, my father was; and my sister is; come here? What is the matter?" and my brother is. I have worked for She motioned to me, with her short sister and brother these many years - right arm, to shut the umbrella for her; hard, Mr. Copperfield- all day. I and passing me hurriedly, went into the must live. I do no harm. If there are kitchen. When I had closed the door, people so unreflecting or so cruel as to and followed, with the umbrella in my make a jest of me, what is left for me to hand, I found her sitting on the corner do but to make a jest of myself, them, of the fender -it was a low iron one, and everything? If I do so, for the with two flat bars at top to stand plates time, whose fault is that? Mine?" upon -in the shadow of the boiler, No. Not Miss Mowcher's, I perswaying herself backwards and for- ceived. wards, and chafing her hands upon her "If I had shown myself a sensitive knees like a person in pain. dwarf to your false friend," pursued the Quite alarmed at being the only re- little woman, shaking her head at me, cipient of this untimely visit, and the;with reproachful earnestness, "bow only spectator of this portentous be-'nuch of his help or good-will do you havior, I exclaimed again, " Pray tell think I should ever have had? If little me, Miss Mowcher, what is the matter! Mowcher (who had no hand, young are you ill?" gentleman, in the making of herself) " My dear young soul," returned addressed herself to him, or the like of Miss Mowcher, squeezing her hands him, because of her misfortunes, when upon her heart one over the other. " I do you suppose her small voice would am ill here, I am very ill. To think have been heard? Little Mowcher that it should come to this, when I would have as much need to live, if might have known it and perhaps pre- she was the bitterest and dullest of vented it, if I had n't been a thoughtless pygmies; but she could n't do it. No. fool!" She might whistle for her bread and Again her large bonnet (very dispro- butter till she died of Air." portionate to her figure) went back- Miss Mowcher sat down on the fenwards and forwards, in her swaying of der again, and took out her handkerher little body to and fro; while a most chief, and wiped her eyes. gigantic bonnet rocked, in unison with "Be thankful for me, if you have a it, upon the wall. kind heart, as I think you have," she "I am surprised," I began, "to see said, "that while I know well what I you so distressed and serious," -when am, I can be cheerful and endure it all. she interrupted me. I am thankful for myself, at any rate, "Yes, it's always so!" she said. that I caifind my tiny way through the "They are all surprised, these incon- world, without being beholden to any siderate young people, fairly and full one; and that in return for all that is grown, to see any natural feeling in a thrown at me, in folly or vanity, as I go little thing like me! They make a play- along' I can throw bubbles back. If I thing of me, use me for their amuse- donit brood over all I want, it is the ment, throw me away when they are better for me, and not the worse for any tired, and wonder that I feel more than one. If I am a plaything foryou giants, a toy horse or a wooden soldier! Yes, be gentle with me." yes, that's the way. The old way! " Miss Mowcher replaced her handker" It may be, with others," I returned, chief in her pocket, looking at me with "but I do assure you it is not with me. very intent expression all the while, and Perhaps I ought not to be at all sur- pursued, - prised to see you as you are now: I "I saw you in the street just now. know so little, of you. I said, without You may suppose I am not able to walk consideration, what I thought." as fast as you, with my short legs and OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 26. short breath, and I could n't overtake praise of her! You were the first to you; but I guessed where you came, mention her name. You owned to an and came after you. I have been here old admiration of her. You were hot before, to-day, but the good woman was and cold, and red and white, all at once n't at home." when I spoke to you of her. What " Do you know her?" I demanded. could I think - what did I think -but "I know of her, and about her," she that you were a young libertine in replied, "from Omer and Joram. I was everything but experience, and had there at seven o'clock this morning. fallen into hands that had experiDo you remember what Steerforth said ence enough, and could manage you to me about this unfortunate girl, that (having the fancy) for your own good? time when I saw you both at the inn?" Oh oh! oh I They were afraid of my The great bonnet on Miss Mowcher's finding out the truth," exclaimed Miss head, and the greater bonnet on the Mowcher, getting off the fender, and wall, began to go backwards and for- trotting up and down the kitchen with wards again when she asked this ques- her two short arms distressfully lifted tion. up, "because I am a sharp little thing,.I remembered very well what she - I need be, to get through the world referred to, having had it in my thoughts at all!-and they deceived me altomany times that day. I told her so. gether, and I gave the poor unfortunate "May the Father of all Evil confound girl a letter, which I fully believe was him," said the little woman, holding up the beginning of her ever speaking to her forefinger between me and her Littimer, who was left behind on pursparkling eyes; "and ten times more pose I" confound that wicked servant; but I I stood amazed at the revelation of believed it was you who had a boyish all this perfidy, looking at Miss Mowpassion for her! " cher as she walked up and down the "I?" I repeated. kitchen until she was out of breath: "Child, child! In the name of blind when she sat upon the fender again, ill-fortune,"cried Miss Mowcher, wring- and, drying her face with her handkering her hands impatiently, as she went chief, shook her head for a long time, to and fro again upon the fender, "why without otherwise moving, and without did you praise her so, and blush, and breaking silence. look disturbed?" "My country rounds," she added at I could not conceal from myself that length, "brought me to Norwich, Mr. I had done this, though for a reason Copperfield, the night before last. very different from her supposition. What I happened to find out there, "What did I know?" said Miss about their secret way of coming and Mowcher, taking out her handkerchief going, without you -which was strange again, and giving one little stamp on -led to my suspecting something the ground whenever, at short intervals, wrong. I got into the coach from Lonshe applied it to her eyes with both don last night, as it came through Norhands at once. "He was crossing you wich, and was here this morning. Oh! and wheedling you, I saw: and you oh! oh! too late!" were soft wax in his hands, I saw. Had Poor little Mowcher turned so chilly I left the room a minute, when his man after all her crying and fretting, that told me that'Young Innocence' (so he she turned round on the fender, putting called you, and you may call him'Old her poor little wet feet in among the Guilt' all the days of your life) had set ashes to warm them, and sat looking at his heart upon her, and she was giddy the fire, like a large doll. I sat in a and liked him, but his master was re- chair on the other side of the hearth, solved that no harm should come of it, lost in unhappy reflections, and looking -more for your sake than for hers, - at the fire too, and sometimes at her. and that that was their business here? "I must go," she said at last, rising How could I but believe him? I saw as she spoke. "It's late. You don't Steerforth soothe and please you by his mistrust me?" s262 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Meeting her sharp glance, which was like myself and sister like myself, when as sharp as ever when she asked me, I my day's work is done. Perhaps you could not on that short challenge an- won't, then, be very hard upon me, or swer no, quite frankly. surprised if I can be distressed and "Come!" said she, accepting the serious. Good night!" offer of my hand to help her over the I gave Miss Mowcher my hand, with fender, and looking wistfully up into my a very different opinion of her from that face, "you know you wouldn't mis- which I had hitherto entertained, and trust me, if I was a full-sized wo- opened the door to let her out. It was man!" not a trifling business to get the great I felt that there was much truth in umbrella up, and properly balanced in this; and I felt rather ashamed of my- her grasp; but at last I successfully acself complished this, and saw it go bobbing " You are a young man," she said, down the street through the rain, withnodding. "Take a word of advice, out the least appearance of having anyeven from three foot nothing. Try not body underneath it, except when a heato associate bodily defects with mental, vier fall than usual from some overmy good friend, except for a solid rea- charged water-spout sent it toppling son." over, on one side, and discovered Miss She had got over the fender now, and Mowcher struggling violently to get it I had got over my suspicion. I told right. After making one or two sallies her that I believed she had given me a to her relief, which were rendered fufaithful account of herself, and that we tile by the umbrella's hopping on again, had both been hapless instruments in like an immense bird, before I could designing hands. She thankedme, and reach it, I came in, went to bed, and said I was a good fellow. slept till morning. " Now, mind! " she exclaimed, turn- In the morning I was joined by Mr. ing back on her way to the door, and Peggotty and by my old nurse, and we looking shrewdly at me, with her fore- went at an early hour to the coach finger up again. " I have some reason office, where Mrs. Gummidge and Ham to suspect, from what I have heard - were waiting to take leave of us. my ears are always open: I can't afford "Mas'r Davy," Ham whispered, to spare what powers I have- that drawing me aside, while Mr. Peggotty they are gone abroad. But if ever they was stowing his bag among the lugreturn, if ever any one of them returns, gage, "his life is quite broke up. He while I am alive, I am more likely than doen't know wheer he's going: he another, going about as I do, to find it doen't know what's afore him; he's out soon. Whatever I know, you shall bound upon a voyage that'11 last, on know. If ever I can do anything to and off, all the rest of his days, take my serve the poor betrayed girl, I will do it wured for't, unless he finds what he's faithfully, please Heaven! And Litti- a seeking of. I am sure you'11 be a mer had better have a bloodhound at friend to him, Mas'r Davy?" his back than little Mowcher!" "Trust me, I will indeed," said I, I placed implicit faith in this last shaking hands with Ham earnestly. statement, when I marked the look with "Thankee. Thankee, very kind, sir. which it/was accompanied. One thing furder. I m in good employ, " Trust me no more, but trust me no you know, Mas'r Davy, and I han't no less, than you would trust a full-sized way now of spending what I gets. woman," said the little creature, touch- Money's of no use to me po more, exing me appealingly on the wrist. "If cept to live. If you can lay it out for ever you see me again, unlike what I him, I shall do my work with a better am now, and like what I was when you art. Though as to that sir," and he first saw me, observe what company I spoke very steadily and mildly, " you're am in. Call to mind that I am a very not to think but I shall work at all helpless and defenceless little thing. times, like a man, and act the best that Think of me at home with my brother lays in my power I " OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 263 I told him I was well convinced of it; Mr. Peggotty had made a communiand I hinted that I hoped the time cation to me on the way to London for might even come when he would cease which I was not unprepared. It was, to lead the lonely life he naturally con- that he purposed first seeing Mrs. templated now. Steerforth. As I felt bound to assist "No, sir," he said, shaking his head, him in this, and also to mediate be"all that's past and over with me, sir. tween them, with the view of sparing No one can ever fill the place that's the mother's feelings as much as possiempty. But you'11 bear in mind about ble, I wrote to her that night. I told the money, as theer's at all times some her as mildly as I could what his wrong laying by for him? " was, and what my own share in his inReminding him of the fact, that Mr. jury. I said he was a man in very comPeggotty derived a steady, though cer- mon life, but of a most gentle and uptainly a very moderate income from the right character; and that I ventured to bequest of his late brother-in-law, I express a hope that she would not repromised to do so. We then took leave fuse to see him in his heavy trouble. I of each other. I cannot leave him mentioned two o'clock in the afternoon even now, without remembering with a as the hour of our coming, and I sent pang, at once his modest fortitude and the letter myself by the first coach in his great sorrow. the morning. As to Mrs. Gummidge, if I were to At the appointed time, we stood at endeavor to describe how she ran down the door, - the door of that house where the street by the side of the coach, I had been, a few days since, so happy: seeing nothing but Mr. Peggotty on where my youthful confidence and the roof, through the tears she tried to warmth of heart had been yielded up repress, and dashing herself against the so freely: which was closed against me people who were coming in the opposite henceforth: which was now a waste, a direction, I should enter on a task of ruin. some difficulty. Therefore I had better No Littimer appeared. The pleasleave her sitting on a baker's door-step, anter face which had replaced his, on out of breath, with no shape at all re- the occasion of my last visit, answered maining in her bonnet, and one of her to our summons, and went before us to shoes off, lying on the pavement at a the drawing-room. Mrs. Steerforth was considerable distance. sitting there. Rosa Dartle glided, as When we got to our journey's end, we went in, from another part of the our first pursuit was to look about for a room, and stood behind her chair. little lodging for Peggotty, where her I saw, directly, in his mother's face, brother could have a bed. We were so that she knew from himself what he fortunate as to find one, of a very clean had done. It was very pale, and bore and cheap description, over a chandler's the traces of deeper emotion than my shop, only two streets removed from letter alone, weakened by the doubts me. When we had engaged this domi- her fondness would have raised upon cile, I bought some cold meat at an eat- it, would have been likely to create. ing-house, and took my fellow-travellers I thought her more like him than ever home to tea; a proceeding, I regret to I had thought her; and I felt, rather state, which did not meet with Mrs. than saw, that the resemblance was not Crupp's approval, but quite the contrary. lost on my companion. I ought to observe, however, in explana- She sat upright in her arm-chair, with tion of that lady's state of mind, that a stately, immovable, passionless air, she was much offended by Peggotty's that it seemed as if nothing could distucking up her widow's gown before turb. She looked very steadfastly at she had been ten minutes in the place, Mr. Peggotty when he stood before her; and setting to work to dust my bed- and he looked quite as steadfastly at her. room. This Mrs. Crupp regarded in Rosa Dartle's keen glance comprehendthe light of a liberty, and a liberty, she ed all of us. For some moments not a said, was a thing she never allowed, word was spoken. She motioned to 264 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Mr. Peggotty to be seated. He said, let her be; we'11 be content to think of in a low voice, "I shouldn't feel it her, far off, as if she was underneath nat'ral, ma'am, to sit down in this another sun and sky; we'11 be content house I'd sooner stand." And this to trust her to her husband,-to her was succeeded by another silence, which little children p'r'aps,-and bide the she broke thus, - time when all of us shall be alike in "I know, with deep regret, what has quality afore our God!" brought you here. What do you want The rugged eloquence with which he of me? What do you ask me to do?" spoke was not devoid of all effect. She He put his hat under his arm, and still preserved her proud manner, but feeling in his breast for Emily's letter, there was a touch of softness in her took it out, unfolded it, and gave it to voice, as she answered,her. "I justify nothing. I make no " Please to read that, ma'am. That's counter-accusations. But I am sorry my niece's hand! " to repeat, it is impossible. Such a She read it, in the same stately and marriage would irretrievably blight my impassive way, - untouched by its con- son's career, and ruin his prospects. tents, as far as I could see,- and re- Nothing is more certain than that it turned it to him. never can take place, and never will. "' Unless he brings me back a lady,"' If there is any other compensation - " said Mr. Peggotty, tracing out that part " I am looking at the likeness of the with his finger. "I come to know, face," interrupted Mr. Peggotty, with ma'am, whetherhewillkeephiswured?" a steady but a kindling eye, "that has "No," she returned. looked at me, in my home, at my fire" Why not? " said Mr. Peggotty. side, in my boat - wheer not? - smiling " It is impossible. He would dis- and friendly, when it was so treachgrace himself. You cannot fail to know erous, that I go half wild when I think that she is far below him." of it. If the likeness of that face don't "Raise her up!" said Mr. Peggot- turn to burning fire, at the thought of ty. offering money to me for my child's " She is uneducated and ignorant." blight and ruin, it's as bad. I doen't " Maybe she's not; maybe she is," know, being a lady's, but what it's said Mr. Peggotty. "I think not, worse." ma'am; but I'm no judge of them She changed now, in a moment. An things. Teach her better! " angry flush overspread her features; " Since you oblige me to speak more and she said, in an intolerant manner, plainly, which I am very unwilling to grasping the arm-chair tightly with her do, her humble connections would ren- hands, - der such a thing impossible if nothing What compensation can you make else did." to me for opening such a pit between " Hark to this, ma'am," he returned, me and my son? What is your love slowly and quietly. " You know what to mine? What is your separation to it is to love your child. So do I. If ours?" she was a hundred times my child, I Miss Dartle softly touched her, ta4 couldn't love her more. You doen't bent down her head to whisper, btt'bp know what it is to lose your child. I would not hear a word. do. All the heaps of riches in the "No, Rosa, not a word! Let the wureld would be nowt to me (if they man listen to what I say! My son, who was mine) to buy her back! But save has been the object of my life, to whom her from this disgrace, and she shall its every thought has been devoted, never be disgraced by us. Not one of whom I have gratified from a child in us that she's growed up among, not every wish, from whom I have had no one of us that's lived along with her, separate existence since his birth, - to and had her for their all in all, these take up in a moment with a miseramany year, will ever look upon her ble girl, and avoid me I To repay my pritty face again. We'11 be content to confidence with systematic deception, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 265 for her sake, and quit me for her I To fur me to be in my right senses and exset this wretched fancy against his pect it." mother's claims upon his duty, love, re- With this, we departed; leaving her spect, gratitude, - claims that every day standing by her elbow-chair, a picture and hour of his life should have streng- of a noble presence and a handsome thened into ties that nothing could be face. proof against! Is this no injury?" We had, on our way out, to cross a Again Rosa Dartle tried to soothe paved hall, with glass sides and roof, her; again ineffectually. over which a vine was trained. Its "I say, Rosa, not a word! If he leaves and shoots were green then, and can stake his all upon the lightest ob- the day being sunny, a pair of glass ject, I can stake my all upon a greater doors leading to the garden were purpose. Let him go where he will, thrown open. Rosa Dartle, entering with the means that my love has secured this way with a noiseless step, when we to him! Does he think to reduce me were close to them, addressed herself by long absence? He knows his moth- to me, - er very little if he does. Let him put " You do well," she said, " indeed, to away his whim now, and he is welcome bring this fellow here! " back. Let him not put her away now, Such a concentration of rage and scorn and he never shall come near me, living as darkened her face, and flashed in her or dying, while I can raise my hand to jet-black eyes, I could not have thought make a sign against it, unless, being rid compressible even into that face. The of her forever, he comes humbly to me scar made by the hammer was, as usual and begs for my forgiveness. This is in this excited state of her features, my right. This is the acknowledgment strongly marked. When the throbbing I will have. This is the separation that I had seen before came into it as I there is between us! And is this," she looked at her, she absolutely lifted up added, looking at her visitor with the her hand and struck it. proud, intolerant air with which she had "This is a fellow," she said, "to begun, "no injury?" champion and bring here, is he not? While I heard and saw the mother as You are a true man " she said these words, I seemed to hear " Miss Dartle," I returned, "you are and see the son defying them. All that surely not so unjust as to condemn I had ever seen in him of an unyielding, me!" wilful spirit, I saw in her. All the un- "Why do you bring division bederstanding that I had now of his mis- tween these two mad creatures?" she directed energy, became an understand- returned. " Don't you know that they ing of her character too, and a percep- are both mad with their own self-will tion that it was, in its strongest springs, and pride?" the same. " Is it my doing? " I returned. She now observed to me, aloud, re- "Is it your doing!" she retorted. suming her former restraint, that it was "Why do you bring this man here? " useless to hear more, or to say more, "He is a deeply injured man, Miss and that she begged to put an end to Dartle," I replied. "You may not the interview. She rose with an air of know it." dignity to leave the room, when Mr. "I know that James Steerforth," she Peggotty signified that it was needless. said, with her hand on her bosom, as if "Doen't fear me being any hindrance to prevent the storm that was raging to you, I have no more to say, ma'am," there from being loud, "has a false, he remarked as he moved towards the corrupt heart, and is a traitor. But door. " I come heer with no hope, and what need I know or care about this I take away no hope. I have done fellow, and his common niece? " what I thowt should be done, but I "Miss Dartle," I returned, "you never looked fur any good to come of deepen the injury. It is sufficient almy stan'ning where I do. This has ready. I will only say, at parting, that been too evil a house fur me and mine, you do him a great wrong." a62 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "I do him no wrong," she returned. circumstances, and we all three dined to"They are a depraved, worthless set. gether off a beef-steak pie, -which was I would have her whipped!" one of the many good things for which Mr. Peggotty passed on, without a Peggotty was famous, - and which was word, and went out at the door. curiously flavored on this occasion, I "0 shame, Miss Dartle I shame!" recollect well, by a miscellaneous taste I said, indignantly. "How can you of tea, coffee, butter, bacon, cheese, new bear to trample on his undeserved af- loaves, firewood, candles, and walnut fliction! " catchup, continually ascending from the " I would trample on them all," she shop. After dinner we sat for an hour answered. "I would have his house or so near the window, without talkpulled down. I would have herbranded ing much; and then Mr. Peggotty got on the face, drest in rags, and cast out up, and brought his oilskin bag and in the streets to starve. If I had the his stout stick, and laid them on the power to sit in judgment on her, I table. would see it done. See it done? I He accepted from his sister's stock of would do it! I detest her. If I ever ready money a small sum on account could reproach her with her infamous of his legacy; barely enough, I should condition, I would go anywhere to do have thought, to keep him for a month. so. If I could hunt her to her grave, I He promised to communicate with me, would. If there was any word of corn- when anything befell him; and he slung fort that would be a solace to her in her his bag about him, took his hat and dying hour, and only I possessed it, I stick, and bade us both "Good by!" would n't part with it for Life itself." "All good attend you, dear old woThe mere vehemence of her words can man," he said, embracing Peggotty, convey, I am sensible, but a weak im- " and you too, Mas'r Davy!" shaking pression of the passion by which she hands with me. " I'm a going to seek was possessed, and which made itself her, fur and wide. If she should come articulate in her whole figure, though home while I'm away,- but ah, that her voice, instead of being raised, was ain't like to be!-or if I should bring lower than usual. No description I her back, my meaning is, that she and could give of her would do justice to me shall live and die where no one my recollection of her, or to her en- can't reproach her. If any hurt should tire deliverance of herself to her an- come to me, remember that the last ger. I have seen passion in many words I left for her was,'My unforms, but I have never seen it in changed love is with my darling child, such a form as that. and I forgive her!'" When I joined Mr. Peggotty, he was He said this solemnly, bare-headed; walking slowly and thoughtfully down then, putting on his hat, he went down the hill. He told me, as soon as I came the stairs, and away. We followed to xtp with him, that having now discharged the door. It was a warm, dusty evenhis mind of what he had purposed doing ing, just the time when, in the great in London, he meant "to set out on his main thoroughfare out of which that travels" that night. I asked him where by-way turned, there was a temporary lie meant to go? He only answered, lull in the eternal tread of feet upon "I'm a going, sir, to seek my niece." the pavement, and a strong red sunWe went back to the little lodging shine. He turned alone, at the corner over the chandler's shop, and there I of our shady street, into a glow of found an opportunity of repeating to light, in which we lost him. Peggotty what he had said to me. She Rarely did that hour of the evening informed me, in return, that he had said come, rarely did I wake at night, rarely the same to her that morning. She did I look up at the moon, or stars, or knew no more than I did, where he watch the falling rain, or hear the wind, was going, but she thought he had but I thought of his solitary figure toil-some project shaped out in his mind. ing on, poor pilgrim, and recalled the I did not like to leave him. under such words. — OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 267 "I'm a going to seek her, fur and on the night, at intervals, to shield my wide. If any hurt should come to me, Dora, - I don't exactly know what remember that the last words I left for from, I suppose from fire. Perhaps her was,'My unchanged love is with from mice, to which she had a great my darling child, and I forgive her!'" objection. My love was so much on my mind, and it was so natural to me to confide in Peggotty, when I found her again by CHAPTER XXXIII. my side of an evening with the old set of industrial implements, busily making BLISSFUL. the tour of my wardrobe, that I imparted to her, in a sufficiently roundabout ALL this time, I had gone on loving way, my great secret. Peggotty was Dora, harder than ever. Her idea was strongly interested, but I could not get my refuge in disappointment and dis- her into my view of the case at all. tress, and made sone amends to me, She was audaciously prejudiced in my even for the loss of my friend. The favor, and quite unable to understand more I pitied myself, or pitied others, why I should have any misgivings, or the more I sought for consolation in the be low-spirited about it. "The young image of Dora. The greater the accu- lady might think herself well off," she mulation of deceit and trouble in the observed, " to have such a beau. And world, the brighter and the purer shone as to her pa," she said, "what did the star of Dora high above the world. the gentleman expect, for gracious I don't think I had any definite idea sake!" where Dora came from, or in what de- I observed, however, that Mr. Spengree she was related to a higher order low's Proctorial gown and stiff cravat of beings; but I am quite sure I should took Peggotty down a little, and inhave scouted the notion of her being spired her with a greater reverence for simply human, like any other young the man who was gradually becoming lady, With indignation and contempt. more and more etherealized in my eyes If I may so express it, I was steeped every day, and about whom a reflected in Dora. I was not merely over head radiance seemed to me to beam when and ears in love with her, but I was sat- he sat erect in court among his papers, urated through and through. Enough like a little lighthouse in a sea of sta — love might have been wrung out of me, tionery. And by the by, it used to be metaphorically speaking, to drown any- uncommonly strange to me to consider, body in; and yet there would have re- I remember, as I sat in court too, how mained enough within me, and all over those dim old judges and doctors would me, to pervade my entire existence. n't have cared for Dora if they had The first thing I did, on my own ac- known her; how they would n't have count, when I came back, was to take a gone out of their senses with-rapture, if night-walk to Norwood, and, like the marriage with Dora had been proposed subject of a venerable riddle of my to them; how Dora might have sung childhood, to go "round and round and played upon that glorified guitar, the house, without ever touching the until she led me to the verge of madhouse," thinking about Dora. I be- ness, yet not have tempted one of those lieve the theme of this incomprehensi- slow-goers an inch out of his road! ble conumdrum was the moon. No I despised them, to a man. Frozenmatter what it was, I, the moon-struck out old gardeners in the flower-beds of slave of Dora, perambulated.round and the heart, I took a personal offence round the house and garden for two against them all; The Bench was nothhours, looking through crevices in the ing to me but an insensible blunderer. palings, getting my chin by dint of vio- The Bar had nd more tenderness or lent exertion above the rusty nails on poetry in it than the Bar of a publicthe top, blowing kisses at the lights in house. the windows, and romantically calling Taking the management of Peggot 268 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ty's affairs into my own hands, with no low. "You know this gentleman, I little pride, I proved the will, and came believe?" to a settlement with the Legacy Duty- I made my gentleman a distant bow, office, and took her to the Bank, and and Peggotty barely recognized him. soon got everything into an orderly He was, at first, somewhat disconcerted train. We varied the legal character of to meet us two together; but quickly these proceedings by going to see some decided what to do, and came up to perspiring Wax-work, in Fleet Street me. (melted, I should hope, these twenty "I hope," he said, "that you are doyears); and by visiting Miss Linwood's ing well?" Exhibition, which I remember as a "It can hardly be interesting to Mausoleum of needlework, favorable to you," said I. "Yes, if you wish to self-examination and repentance; and know." by inspecting the Tower of London; We looked at each other, and he adand going to the top of St. Paul's. All dressed himself to Peggotty. these wonders afforded Peggotty as "And you," said he. "I am sorry much pleasure as she was able to enjoy, to observe that you have lost your husunder existing circumstances: except, I band." think, St. Paul's, which, from her long " It's not the first loss I have had in attachment to her work-box, became a my life, Mr. Murdstone," replied Pegrival of the picture on the lid, and was, gotty, trembling from head to foot. "I in some particulars, vanquished, she am glad to hope that there is nobody to considered, by that work of art. blame for this one, - nobody to answer Peggotty's business, which was what for it." we used to call "common-form busi- "Ha!" said he; "that's a comfortness" in the Commons (and very light able reflection. You have done your and lucrative the common-form business duty?" was), being settled, I took her down to "I have not worn anybody's life the office one morning to pay her bill. away," said Peggotty, "I am thankful Mr. Spenlow had stepped out, old Tiffey to think! No, Mr. Murdstone; I have said, to get a gentleman sworn for a not worrited and frightened any sweet marriage license; but as I knew he creetur to an early grave!" would be back directly, our place lying He eyed her gloomily —remorsefully close to the Surrogate's, and to the I thought - for an instant; and said, Vicar-General's office too, I told Peg- turning his head towards me, but lookgotty to wait. ing at my feet instead of my face, - We were a little like undertakers, in "We are not likely to encounter soon the Commons, as regarded Probate again;-a source of satisfaction to us transactions; generally making it a both, no doubt, for such meetings as rule to look more or less cut up, when this can never be agreeable. I do not we had to deal with clients in mourn- expect that you, who always rebelled ing. In a similar feeling of delicacy, against my just authority, exerted for we were always blithe and light-hearted your benefit and reformation, should with the license clients. Therefore I owe me any good-will now. There is hinted to Peggotty that she would find an antipathy between us -" Mr. Spenlovt much recovered from the "An old one, I believe? " said I, inshock of Mr. Barkis's decease; and in- terrupting him. deed he came in like a bridegroom. He smiled, and shot as evil a glance But neither Peggotty nor I had eyes at me as could come from his dark for him, when we saw, in company with eyes. him, Mr.. Murdstone. He was very lit- " It rankled in your baby breast," he tle changed. His hair looked as thick, said. " It embittered the life of your and was certainly as black, as ever; poor mother. You are right. I hope and his glance was as little to be trusted, you may do better, yet; I hope you may as of old. correct yourself." "Ah, Copperfield?" said Mr. Spen- Here he ended the dialogue, which OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 269 had been carried on in a low voice, in a I explained that I knew nothing about corner of the outer office, by passing it. into Mr. Spenlow's room, and saying "Indeed!" he said. "Speaking aloud, in his smoothest manner, - from the few words Mr. Murdstone "Gentlemen of Mr. Spenlow's pro- dropped, - as a man frequently does on fession are accustomed to family differ- these occasions, - and from what Miss ences, and know how complicated and Murdstone let fall, I should say it was difficult they always are! " With that, rather a good marriage." he paid the money for his license; and, " Do you mean that there is money, receiving it neatly folded from Mr. sir? " I asked. Spenlow, together with a shake of the "Yes," said Mr. Spenlow; "I unhand, and a polite wish for his happi- derstand there's money. Beauty too, ness and the lady's, went out of the I am told." office. "Indeed? Is his new wife young? " I might have had more difficulty in "Just of age," said Mr. Spenlow. constraining myself to be silent under "So lately, that I should think they his words, if I had had less difficulty had been waiting for that." in impressing upon Peggotty (who was "Lord deliver her! " said Peggotty. only angry on my account, good crea- So very emphatically and unexpectedly, ture!) that we were not in a place for that we were all three discomposed; recrimination, and that I besought her until Tiffey came in with the bill. to hold her peace. She was so unusu- Old Tiffey soon appeared, however, ally roused, that I was glad to corn- and handed it to Mr. Spenlow, to' look pound for an affectionate hug, elicited over. Mr. Spenlow, settling his chin in by this revival in her mind of our old his cravat and rubbing it softly, went injuries, and to make the best I could over the items with a deprecatory air, - of it, before Mr. Spenlow and the as if it were all Jorkins's doing, - and clerks. handed it back to Tiffey with a bland Mr. Spenlow did not appear to know sigh. what the connection between Mr. Murd- "Yes," he said. "That's right. stone and myself was; which I was Quite right. I should have been exglad of, for I could not bear to acknowl- tremely happy, Copperfield, to have edge him, even in my own breast, re- limited these charges to the actual exmembering what I did of the history of penditure out of pocket, but it is an my poor mother. Mr. Spenlow seemed irksome incident in my professional life, to think, if he thought anything about that I am not at liberty to consult my the matter, that my aunt was the leader own wishes. I have a partner, -Mr. of the state party in our family, and Jorkins." that there was a rebel party commanded As he said this with a gentle melanby somebody else, -so I gathered at choly, which was the next thing to makleast from what he said, while we were ing no charge at all, I expressed my acwaiting for Mr. Tiffey to make out Peg- knowledgments on Peggotty's behalf, gotty's bill of costs. and paid Tiffey in bank-notes. Peggotty " Miss Trotwood," he remarked, " is then retired to her lodging, and Mr. very firm, no doubt, and not likely to Spenlow and I went into court, where give way to opposition. I have an ad- we had a divorce suit coming on, under miration for her character, and I may an ingenious little statute (repealed now, congratulate you, Copperfield, on being I believe, but in virtue of which I have on the right side. Differences between seen several marriages annulled), of relations are much to be deplored, - but which the merits were these. The husthey are extremely general,- and the band, whose name was Thomas Benjagreat thing is, to be on the right side ": min, had taken out his marriage license meaning, I take it, on the side of the as Thomas only; suppressing the Benmoneyed interest. jamin in case he should not find himself "Rather a good marriage this, I be- as comfortable as he expected. Notfindlieve?" said Mr. Spenlow. ing himself as comfortable as he expect 270 PERSONAL HISTORY AND -EXPERIENCE ed, or being a little fatigued with his great fees from the public, and crammed wife, poor fellow, he now came forward, the public's wills away anyhow and anyby a friend, after being married a year where, having no other object than to or two, and declared that his name get rid of them cheaply. That, perwas Thomas Benjamin, and therefore haps, it was a little unreasonable that he was not married at all. Which the these registrars in the receipt of profits court confirmed, to his great satisfac- amounting to eight or nine thousand tion. pounds a year (to say nothing of the I must say that I had my doubts profits of the deputy registrars, and about the strict justice of this, and was clerks of seats), should not be obliged not even frightened out of them by the to spend a little of that money, in findbushel of wheat which reconciles all ing a reasonably safe place for the imanomalies. portant documents which all classes of But Mr. Spenlow argued the matter people were compelled to hand over to with me. He said, Look at the world, them, whether they would or no. That, there was good and evil in that; look at perhaps, it was a little unjust that all the ecclesiastical law, there was good the great offices in this great office and evil in that. It was all part of a should be magnificent sinecures, while system. Very good. There you were! the unfortunate working-clerks in the I had not the hardihood to suggest to cold dark room up stairs were the worst Dora's father that possibly we might rewarded, and the least considered men, even improve the world a little, if we doing important services, in London. got up early in the morning, and took That perhaps it was a little indeoff our coats to the work; but I con- cent that the principal registrar of all, fessed that I thought we might improve whose duty it was to find the public, the Commons. Mr. Spenlow replied constantly resorting to this place, all that he would particularly advise me to needful accommodation, should be an dismiss that idea from my mind, as not enormous sinecurist in virtue of that being worthy of my gentlemanly charac- post (and might be, besides, a clergyter; but that he would be glad to hear man, a pluralist, the holder of a stall in from me of what improvement I thought a cathedral, and what not), -while the the Commons susceptible? public was put to the inconvenience of Taking that part of the Commons which we had a specimen every afterwhich happened to be nearest to us, - noon when the office was busy, and for our man was unmarried by this time, which we knew to be quite monstrous. and we were out of court, and strolling That, perhaps, in short, this Prerogative past the Prerogative Office, - I submit- Office of the diocese of Canterbury was ted that I thought the Prerogative Office altogether such a pestilent job, and such rather a queerly managed institution. a pernicious absurdity, that but for its Mr. Spenlow inquired in what respect? being squeezed away in a corner of I replied, with all due deference to his Saint Paul's Churchyard, which few experience (but with more deference, I people knew, it must have been turned am afraid, to his being Dora's father), completely inside out, and upside down, that perhaps it was a little nonsensical long ago. that the Registry of that court, con- Mr. Spenlow smiled as I became taining the original wills of all persons modestly warm on the subject, and then leaving effects within the immense prov- argued this question with me as he had ince of Canterbury, for three whole cen- argued the other. He said, what was turies, should be an accidental building, it after all? It was a question of feelnever designed for the purpose, leased by ing. If the public felt that their wills the registrars for their own private emol- were in safe keeping, and took it for ument, unsafe, not even ascertained to granted that the office was not to be be fire-proof, choked with the important made better, who was the worse for it? documents it held, and positively, from Nobody. Who was the better for it? the roof to the basement, a mercenary All the sinecurists. Very well. Then speculation of the registrars, who took; the good predominated. It might not OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 271 be a perfect system: nothing was per- could be got for money. At six in the feet; but what he objected to was, the morning, I was in Covent Garden Marinsertion of the wedge. Under the ket, buying a bouquet for Dora. At ten Prerogative Office, the country had I was on horseback (I hired a gallant been glorious. Insert the wedge into gray for the occasion), with the bouquet the Prerogative Office, and the country in my hat, to keep it fresh, trotting would cease to be glorious. He con- down to Norwood. sidered it the principle of a gentleman I suppose that when I saw Dora in to take things as he found them; and the garden and pretended not to see he had no doubt the Prerogative Office her, and rode past the house pretendwould last our time. I deferred to his ing to be anxiously looking for it, I opinion, though I had great doubts of committed two smallfooleries which othit myself. I find he was right, howev- er young gentlemen in my circumstances er; for it has not only lasted to the might have committed, - because they present moment, but has done so in the came so very natural to me. But 0, teeth of a great parliamentary report when I did find the house, and did dismade (not too willingly) eighteen years mount at the garden gate, and drag ago,,when all these objections of mine those stony-hearted boots across the were set forth in detail, and when the lawn to Dora sitting on a garden seat existing stowage for wills was described under a lilac-tree, what a spectacle she as equal to the accumulation of only was, upon that beautiful morning, among two years and a half more. What they the butterflies, in a white chip bonnet have done with them since; whether and a dress of celestial blue! they have lost many, or whether they There was a young lady with her,sell any, now and then, to the butter comparatively stricken in years, - alshops; I don't know. I am glad mine most twenty, I should say. Her name is not there, and I hope it may not go was Miss Mills, and Dora called her there, yet awhile. Julia. She was the bosom friend of I have set, all this down, in my pres- Dora. Happy Miss Mills! ent blissful chapter, because here it Jip was there, and Jip would bark at comes into its natural place. Mr. me again. When I presented my bouSpenlow and I falling into this conver- quet, he gnashed his teeth with jeal*sation, prolonged it and our saunter to ousy. Well he might. If he had the and fro, until we diverged into general least idea how I adored his mistress, topics. And so it came about, in the well he might! end, that Mr. Spenlow told me this day "0, thank you, Mr. Copperfield! week was Dora's birthday, and he would What dear flowers! " said Dora. be glad if I would come down and join I had had an intention of saying (and a little picnic on the occasion. I went had been studying the best form of out of my senses immediately; became words for three miles) that I thought a mere driveller next day, on receipt of them beautiful before I saw them so a little lace-edged sheet of note-paper, near her. But I couldn't manage it. "Favored by papa. To remind"; She was too bewildering. To see her and passed the intervening period in a lay the flowers against her little dimpled state of dotage. chin, was to lose all presence of mind and I think I committed every possible power of language in a feeble ecstasy. absurdity, in the way of preparation for I wonder I did n't say, " Kill me, if you this blessed event. I turn hot when I have a heart, Miss Mills. Let me die remember the cravat I bought. My here I" boots might be placed in any collection Then Dora held my flowers to Jip to of instruments of torture. I provided, smell. Then Jip growled, and would and sent down by the Norwood coach n't smell them. Then Dora laughed, the night before, a delicate little ham- and held them a little closer to Jip, to per, amounting in itself, I thought, al- make him. Then Jip laid hold of a most to a declaration. There were crack- bit of geranium with his teeth, and er'in it with the tenderest mottoes that worried imagiary cats in it. Then; 272 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Dora beat him, and pouted, and said, side of her. at all, for fear he should " My poor beautiful flowers! " as corn- crush it. She often carried it in her passionately, I thought, as if Jip had hand, often refreshed herself with its laid hold of me. I wished he had! fragrance. Our eyes at those times " You'11 be so glad to hear, Mr. Cop- often met; and my great astonishment perfield," said Dora, "that that cross is that I did n't go over the head of my Miss Murdstone is not here. She has gallant gray into the carriage. gone to her brother's marriage, and will There was dust, I believe. There be away at least three weeks. Is n't was a good deal of dust, I believe. I that delightful?" have a faint impression that Mr. SpenI said I was sure it must be delightful low remonstrated with me for riding in it; to her, and all that was delightful to her but I knew of none. I was sensible of a was delightful to me. Miss Mills, with mist of love and beauty about Dora, but an air of superior wisdom and benevo- ofnothing else. He stood up sometimes, lence, smiled upon us. and asked me what I thought of the "She is the most disagreeable thing prospect. I said it was delightful, and I ever saw," said Dora. "You can't I dare say it was; but it was all Dora to believe how ill-tempered and shocking me. The sun shone Dora, and the birds she is, Julia." sang Dora. The south-wind blew Dora, "Yes, I can, my dear!" said Julia. and the wild-flowers in the hedges were'' You can, perhaps, love," returned all Doras, to a bud. My comfort is, Dora, with her hand on Julia's. "For- Miss Mills understood me. Miss Mills give my not excepting you, my dear, at alone could enter into my feelings thorfirst." oughly. I learnt, from this, that Miss Mills I don't know how long we were gohad had her trials in the course of a ing, and to this hour I know as little checkered existence; and that to these, where we went. Perhaps it was near perhaps, I might refer that wise benigni- Guildford. Perhaps some Arabianty of manner whichI had already noticed. night magician opened up the place for I found, in the course of the day, that this the day, and shut it up forever when was the case: Miss Mills having been we came away. It was a green spot, unhappy in a misplaced affection, and, on a hill, carpeted with soft turf. being understood to have retired from There were shady trees, and heather, the world on her awful stock of experi- and, as far as the eye could see, a rich ence, but still to take a calm interest landscape. in the unblighted hopes and loves of It was a trying thing to find people youth. here, waiting for us; and my jealousy, But now Mr. Spenlow came out of even of the ladies, knew no bounds. the house, and Dora went-to him, say- But all of my own sex-especially one ing, "Look, papa, what beautiful flow- impostor, three or four years my elder, ers!" And Miss Mills smiled thought- with a red whisker, on which he estabfully, as who should say, " Ye May-flies lished an amount of presumption not to enjoy your brief existence in the bright be endured —were my mortal foes. morning of life!" And we all walked We all unpacked our baskets, and from the lawn towards the carriage, employed ourselves in getting dinner which was getting ready. ready. Red Whisker pretended he I shall never have such a ride again. could make a salad (which I don't beI have never had such another. There lieve), and obtruded himself on public were only those three, their hamper, notice. Some of the young ladies my hamper, and the guitar-case, in the washed the lettuces for him, and sliced phaeton; and, of course, the phaeton them under his directions. Dora was was open; and I rode behind it, and among these. I felt that fate had pitted Dora sat with her back to the horses, me against this man, and one of us looking towards me. She kept the must fall. bouquet close to her on the cushion, Red Whisker made his salad (I wonand wouldn't allow Jip'to sit on that dered how they could eat it. Nothin OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 273 should have induced me to touch it!) stopped in mere caprice; the oasis in and voted himself into-the charge of the desert of Sahara must not be the wine-cellar, which he constructed, plucked up idly." being an ingenious beast, in the hollow I hardly knew what I did, I was trunk of a tree. By and by I saw him, burning all over to that extraordinary with the majority of a lobster on his extent: but I took Dora's little hand late, eating his dinner at the feet of and kissed it, -and she let me! I Dora! kissed Miss Mills's hand; and we all I have but an indistinct idea of what seemed, to my thinking, to go straight happened for some time after this bale- up to the seventh heaven. ful object presented itself to my view. We did not come down again. We I was very merry, I know; but it was stayed up there all the evening. At hollow merriment. I attached myself first we strayed to and fro among the to a young creature in pink, with little trees: I with Dora's shy arm drawn eyes, and flirted with her desperately. through mine: and Heaven knows, folShe received my attentions with favor; ly as it all was, it would have been a hapbut whether on my account solely, or py fate to have been struck immortal with because she had any designs on Red those foolish feelings, and have strayed Whisker, I can't say. Dora's. health among the trees forever! was drunk. When I drank it, I affected But, much too soon, we heard the to interrupt my conversation for that others laughing and talking, and callpurpose, and to resume it immediately ing, "Where's Dora?" So we went afterwards. I caught Dora's eye as I back, and they wanted Dora to sing. bowed to her, and I thought it looked Red Whisker would have got the guiappealing. But it looked at me over tar-case out of the carriage, but Dora the head of Red Whisker, and I was told him nobody knew where it was, adamant. but I. So Red'Whisker was done for The young creature in pink had a in a moment; and I got it, and I unmother in green; and I rather think locked it, and I took the guitar out, and the latter separated us from motives of I sat by her, and I held her handpolicy. Howbeit, there was a general kerchiefand gloves, and I drank in breaking up of the party, while the rem- every note of her dear voice, and she nants of the dinner were being put sang to mze who loved her, and all the away; and I strolled off by myself others might applaud as much as they among the trees, in a raging and re- liked, but they had nothing to do with morseful state. I was debating whether it! I should pretend that I was not well, I was intoxicated with joy. I was and fly- I don't know where —upon afraid it was too happy to be real, and my gallant gray, when Dora and Miss that I should wake in Buckingham Mills met me. Street presently, and hear Mrs. Crupp "Mr. Copperfield," said Miss Mills, clinking the teacups in getting break"you are dull." fast ready. But Dora sang, and others I begged her pardon. Not at all. sang, and Miss Mills sang, - about the "And Dora," said Miss Mills, "you slumbering echoes in the caverns of are dull." memory, as if she were a hundred years O dear no! Not in the least. old, - and the evening came on; and "Mr. Copperfield and Dora," said we had tea, with the kettle boiling Miss Mills, with an almost venerable gypsy fashion; and I was still as happy air. "Enough of this. Do not allow as ever. a trivial misunderstanding to wither I was happier than ever when the the blossoms of spring, which, once put party broke up, and the other people, forth and blighted, can not be renewed. defeated Red Whisker and all, went I speak," said Miss Mills, "from ex- their several ways, and we went ours perience of the past, -the remote, ir- through the still' evening and the dying revpcable past. The gushing fountains light, with sweet scents rising up around which sparkle in the sun must not be us. Mr. Spenlow being a little drowsy i8 274 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE after the champagne,-honor to the at the moon, murmuring verses and resoil that grew the grape, to the grape calling, I suppose, the ancient days that made the wine, to the sun that ri- when she and earth had anything m pened it, and to the merchant who adul- common. terated it - and being fast asleep in a Norwood was many miles too near, corner of the carriage, I rode by the and we reached it many hours too soon; side and talked to Dora. She admired but Mr. Spenlow came to himself a litmy horse and patted him, -0, what a tie short of it, and said, "You must dear little hand it looked upon a horse! come in, Copperfield, and rest! " and - and her shawl would not keep right, I consenting, we had sandwiches and and now and then I drew it round her wine and water. In the light room, with my arm; and I even fancied that Dora blushing looked so lovely, that I Jip began to see how it was, and to could not tear myself away, but sat understand that he must make up his there staring, in a dream, until the snormind to be friends with me. ing of Mr. Spenlow inspired me with That sagacious Miss Mills, too; sufficient consciousness to take my that amiable, though quite used-up, re- leave. So we parted; I riding all the cluse; that little patriarch of some- way to London with the farewell touch thing less than twenty, who had done of Dora's hand, still light on mine, rewith the world, and must n't on any ac- calling every incident and word ten count have the slumbering echoes in thousand times; lying down in my own the caverns of memory awakened; what bed at last, as enraptured a young nooa kind thing she did! de as ever was carried out of his five "Mr. Copperfield," said Miss Mills, wits by love. " come to this side of the carriage a When I awoke next morning, I was moment, if you can spare a moment. resolute to declare my passion to Dora, I want to speak to you." and know my fate. Happiness or misBehold me, on my gallant gray, bend- ery was now the question. There was ing at the side of Miss Mills, with my no other question that I knew of in the hand upon the carriage door! world, and only Dora could give the an"Dora is coming to stay with me. swer to it. I passed three days in a She is coming home with me the day luxury of wretchedness, torturing myafter to-morrow. If you would like to self by putting every conceivable variety call, I am sure papa would be happy to of discouraging construction on all that see you." ever had taken place between Dora and What could I do but invoke a silent me. At last, arrayed for the purpose at blessing on Miss Mills's head, and store a vast expense, I went to Miss Mills's, Miss Mills's address in the securest cor- fraught with a declaration. ner of my memory! What could I do How many times I went up and down but tell Miss Mills, with grateful looks the street, and round the square, -painand fervent words, how much I appre- fully aware of being a much better anciated her good offices, and what an in- swer to the old riddle than the original estimable value I set upon her friend- one, -before I could persuade myself ship! to go up the steps and knock, is no matThen Miss Mills benignantly dis- ter now. Even when, at last, I had missed me, saying, " Go toback knocked, and was waiting at the door, Dora! " and I went; and Dora leaned I had some flurried thought of asking if out of the carriage to talk to me, and that were Mr. Blackboy's (in imitation we talked all the rest of the way; and of poor Barkis), begging pardon, and I rode my gallant gray so close to the retreating. But I kept my ground. wheel that I grazed his near fore-leg Mr. Mills was not at home. I did against it, and "took the bark off," as not expect he would be. Nobody his owner told me, " to the tune of three wanted him. Miss Mills was at home. pun' sivin "- which I paid, and Miss Mills would do. thought extremely cheap for so much I was shown into a room up stairs, joy. What time Miss Mills sat looking where Miss Mills and Dora were.- Jip OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 275 was there. Miss Mills was copying should call it a happiness at all. But music (I recollect, it was a new song, of course you don't mean what you say. called Affection's Dirge), and Dora was And I am sure no one doubts your bepainting flowers. What were my feel- ing at liberty to do whatever you like. ings, when I recognized my own flow- Jip, you naughty boy, come here! " ers; the identical Covent Garden Mar- I don't know how I did it. I did it ket purchase! I cannot say that they in a moment. I intercepted Jip. I were very like, or that they particularly had Dora in my arms. I was full of resembled any flowers that have ever eloquence. I never stopped for a word. come under my observation; but I I told her how I loved her. I told her knew from the paper round them, I should die without her. I told her which was accurately copied, what the that I idolized and worshipped her. composition was. Jip barked madly all the time. Miss Mills was very glad to see me, When Dora hung her head and cried, and very sorry her papa was not at and trembled, my eloquence increased home: though I thought we all bore so much the more. If she would like that with fortitude. Miss Mills was me to die for her, she had but to say conversational for a few minutes, and the word, and I was ready. Life withthen, laying down her pen upon Affec- out Dora's love was not a thing to have tion's Dirge, got up, and left the room. on any terms. I could n't bear it, and I began to think I would put it off till I would n't. I had loved her every to-morrow. minute, day and night, since I first saw "I hope your poor horse was not her. I loved her at that minute to distired, when he got home at night," said traction. I should always love her, Dora, lifting up her beautiful eyes. "It every minute, to distraction. Lovers was a long way for him." had loved before, and lovers would love I began to think I would do it to-day. again; but no lover had ever loved, " It was a long way for him," said I, might, could, would, or should ever "for he had nothing to uphold him on love, as I loved Dora. The more I the journey." raved, the more Jip barked. Each of " Was n't he fed, poor thing? " asked us, in his own way, got more mad every Dora. moment. I began to think I would put it off Well, well! Dora and I were sitting till to-morrow. on the sofa by and by, quiet enough, "Ye-yes," I said, "he was well and Jip was lying in her lap, winktaken care of. I mean he had not the ing peacefully at me. It was off my unutterable happiness that I had in mind. I was in a state of perfect rapbeing so near you." ture. Dora and I were engaged. Dora bent her head over her drawing, I suppose we had some notion that and said, after a little while, - I had this was to end in marriage. We must sat, in the interval, in a burning fever, have had some, because Dora stipulated and with my legs in a very rigid state, - that we were never to be married with"You didn't seem to be sensible of out her papa's consent. But in our that happiness yourself, at one time of youthful ecstasy, I don't think that we the day." really looked before us or behind us; I saw now that I was in for it, and it or had any aspiration beyond the ignomust be done on the spot. rant present. We were to keep our se"You did n't care for that happiness cret from Mr. Spenlow; but I am sure in the least," said Dora, slightly raising the idea never entered my head then, her eyebrows, and shaking her head, that there was anything dishonorable in "when you were sitting by Miss Kitt." that. Kitt, I should observe, was the name Miss Mills was more than usually of the creature in pink, with the little pensive, when Dora, going to find her, eyes. brought her back; - I apprehend, be",Though certainly I don't know why cause there was a tendency in what you should," said Dora, "or why you had passed to awaken -the slumbering k76 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE echoes in the caverns of memory. But own temple, where we arranged a pl&t she gave us her blessing, and the assur- of correspondence through Miss Mills, ance of her lasting friendship, and spoke always to comprehend at least one letto us, generally, as became a voice from ter on each side every day! the cloister. What an idle time! What an unsubWhat an idle time it was! What an stantial, happy, foolish time! Of all unsubstantial, happy, foolish time it the times of mine that Time has in was I his grip, there is none that in one When I measured Dora's finger for a retrospection I can smile at half so ring that was to be made of forget-me- much, and think of half so tenderly. nots, and when the jeweller, to whom I took the measure, found me out, and laughed over his order-book, and charged me anything he liked for the CHAPTER XXXIV. pretty little toy, with its blue stones, - so associated in my remembrance with MY AUNT ASTONISHES ME, Dora's hand, that yesterday, when 1 saw such another, by chance, on the finger I WROTE to Agnes as soon as Dora of my own daughter, there was a mo- and I were engaged. I wrote her a mentary stirring in my heart, like pain! long letter, in which I tried to make When I walked about, exalted with her comprehend how blest I was, and my secret, and full of my own interest, what a darling Dora was. I entreated and felt the dignity of loving Dora, and Agnes not to regard this as a thoughtof being beloved, so much, that if I less passion which could ever yield to had walked the air, I could not have any other, or had the least resemblance been more above the people not so to the boyish fancies that we used to situated, who were creeping on the joke about. I assured her that its proearth! fundity was quite unfathomable, and When we had those meetings in the expressed my belief that nothing like garden of the square, and sat within the it had ever been known. dingy summer-house, so happy, that I Somehow, as I wrote to Agnes on a love the London sparrows to this hour, fine evening by my open window, and for nothing else, and see the plumage the remembrance of her clear calm eyes of the tropics in their smoky feathers! and gentle face came stealing over me, When we had our first great quarrel it shed such a peaceful influence upon (within a week of our betrothal), and the hurry and agitation in which I had when Dora sent me back the ring, en- been living lately, and of which my very closed in a despairing cocked-hat note, happiness partook in some degree, that wherein she used the terrible expres- it soothed me into tears. I remember sion that "our love had begun in fol- that I sat resting my head upon my ly, and ended in madness!" which hand, when the letter was half done, dreadful words occasioned me to tear cherishing a general fancy as if Agnes my hair, and cry that all was over! were one of the elements of my natuWhen, under cover of the night, I flew ral home. As if, in the retirement of to Miss Mills, whom I saw by stealth in the house made almost sacred to me a back-kitchen where there was a man- by her presence, Dora and I must be gle, and implored Miss Mills to inter- happier than anywhere. As if, in love, pose between us and avert insanity joy, sorrow, hope, or disappointment, When Miss Mills undertook the office in all emotions, my heart turned natuand returned with Dora, exhorting us rally there, and found its refuge and from the pulpit of her own bitter youth, best friend. to mutual concession, and the avoidance Of Steerforth I said nothing. I only of the Desert of Sahara! told her there had been sad grief at When we cried, and made it up, and Yarmouth, on account of Emily's flight; were so blest again, that the back-kitch- and that on me it made a double wound, en, mangle, and all, changed to Love's by reason of the circumstances attend OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 277 ing it. I knew how quick she always himself; so let him do. All that she, was to divine the truth, and that she Mrs. Crupp, stipulated for was, that would never be the first to breathe his she should not be "brought in conname. tract" with such persons. Therefore To this letter I received an answer by she begged to be excused from any furreturn of post. As I read it I seemed ther attendance on the top set until to hear Agnes speaking to me. It was things were as they formerly was, and like her cordial voice in my ears. What as they could be wished to be; and furcan I say more I ther mentioned that her little book would While I had been away from home be found upon the breakfast-table every lately, Traddles had called twice or Saturday morning, when she requested thrice. Finding Peggotty within, and an immediate settlement of the same, being informed by Peggotty (who al- with the benevolent view of saving ways volunteered that information to trouble, "and an ill-conwenience" to whomsoever would receive it), that she all parties. was my old nurse, he had established a After this, Mrs. Crupp confined hergood-humored acquaintance with her, self to making pitfalls on the stairs, and had stayed to have a little chat principally with pitchers, and endeavorwith her about me. So Peggotty said; ing to delude Peggotty into breaking but I am afraid the chat was all on her her legs. I found it rather harassing to own side, and of immoderate length, as live in this state of siege, but was too she was very difficult indeed to stop, much afraid of Mrs. Crupp to see any God bless her! when she had me for way out of it. her theme. " My dear Copperfield," cried TradThis reminds me, not only that I ex- dies, punctually appearing at my door, pected Traddles on a certain afternoon in spite of all these obstacles, "how do of his own appointing, which was now you do?" come, but that Mrs. Crupp had re- "My dear Traddles," said I, "I am signed everything appertaining to her delighted to see you at last, and very office (the salary excepted) until Peg- sorry I have not been at home before. gotty should cease to present herself. But I have been so much engaged-" Mrs. Crupp, after holding divers con- "Yes, yes, I know," said Traddles, versations respecting Peggotty, in a "of course. Yours lives in London, I very high-pitched voice, on the stair- think." case - with some invisible Familiar it " What did you say? " would appear, for corporeally speaking "She- excuse me- Miss D., you she was quite alone at those times, - know," said Traddles, coloring in his addressed a letter to me developing her great delicacy, " lives in London, I beviews. Beginning it with that state- lieve?" ment of universal application, which "0 yes. Near London." fitted every occurrence of her life, name- - "Mine, perhaps you recollect," said ly, that she was a mother herself, she Traddles, with a serious look, "lives went on to inform me that she had once down in Devonshire, -one of ten. seen very different days, but that at all Consequently, I am not so much enperiods of her existence she had had a gaged as you, - in that sense." constitutional objection to spies, intru- "I wonder you can bear," I returned, ders, and informers. She named no "to see her so seldom." names, she said; let them the cap fitted "Hah! "said Traddles, thoughtfully. wear it: but spies, intruders, and in- "It does seem a wonder. I suppose formers, especially in widders' weeds it is, Copperfield, because there's no (this clause was underlined), she had help for it?" ever accustomed herself to look down "I suppose so," I replied with a upon. If a gentleman was the victim smile, and not without a blush. "And of spies, intruders, and informers (but because you have so much constancy still naming no names), that was his and patience, Traddles." own pleasure. He had a right to please "Dear me," said Traddles, consider 278 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ing about it, "do I strike yot in that "0 yes," said Traddles, "she is way, Copperfield? Really, I did n't know alive. She is a very superior woman, that I had. But she is such an extraor- indeed, but the damp country is not dinarily dear girl herself, that it's possi- adapted to her constitution, and - in ble she may have imparted something.fact, she has lost the use of her limbs." of those virtues to me. Now you men- "Dear me! " said I. tion it, Copperfield, I shouldn't won- "Very sad, is it not?" returned der at all. I assure you she is always Traddles. "But in a merely domestic forgetting herself, and taking care of view it is not so bad as it might be, the other nine." because Sophy takes her place. She " Is she the eldest? " I inquired. is quite as much a mother to her mother, "0 dear, no," said Traddles. "The as she is to the other nine." eldest is a Beauty." I felt the greatest admiration for the He saw, I suppose, that I could virtues of this young lady; and, honnot help smiling at the simplicity of estly with the view of doing my best to this reply; and added, with a smile prevent the good-nature of Traddles upon his own ingenuous face, - from being imposed upon, to the detri"Not, of course, but that my Sophy ment of their joint prospects in life, -pretty name, Copperfield, I always inquired how Mr. Micawber was?" think?"" He is quite well, Copperfield, thank "Very pretty!" said I. you," said Traddles. "I am not living "Not of course, but that Sophy is with him at present." beautiful too in my eyes, and would be " No? " one of the dearest girls that ever was, in "No. You see the truth is," said anybody's eyes (I should think). But Traddles, in a whisper, "he has changed when I say the eldest is a Beauty, I his name to Mortimer, in consequence mean she really is a -" he seemed to be of his temporary embarrassments; describing clouds about himself, with and he don't come out till after dark, both hands-"splendid, you know," -and then in spectacles. There was said Traddles, energetically. an execution put into our house, for " Indeed!" said I. rent. Mrs. Micawber was in such a "0, I assure you," said Traddles, dreadful state that I really couldn't "something very uncommon, indeed! resist giving my name to that second Then, you know, being formed for bill we spoke of here. You may imsociety and admiration, and not being agine how delightful it was to my feelable to enjoy much of it in consequence ings, Copperfield, to see the matter setof their limited means, she naturally tied with it, and Mrs. Micawber regets a little irritable and exacting, some- cover her spirits." times. Sophy puts her in good hu- "Hum!" said I. mor! " "Not that her happiness was of long "Is Sophy the youngest?" I haz- duration," pursued Traddles, "for, unarded. fortunately, within a week another exe" O dear, no! " said Traddles, strok- cution came in. It broke up the estabing his chin. "The two youngest are lishment. I have been living in a only nine and ten. Sophy educates furnished apartment since then, and'em." the Mortimers have been very private "The second daughter, perhaps?" indeed. I hope you won't think it I hazarded. selfish, Copperfield, if I mention that "No," said Traddles. "Sarah's the the broker carried off my little round second. Sarah has something the mat- table with the marble top, and Sophy's ter with her spine, poor girl. The mal- flower-pot and stand? " ady will wear out by and by, the doctors " What a hard thing I" I exclaimed, say, but in the mean time she has to indignantly. lie down for a twelvemonth. Sophy "It was a —it was a pull," said nurses her. Sophy's the fourth." Traddles, with his usual wince at that "Is the mother living? " I inquired. expression. "I don't mention it re OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 279 proachfully, however, but with a motive. I was unwilling to damp my good The fact is, Copperfield, I was unable friend's confidence, and therefore asto repurchase them at the time of their sented. After a little further conversaseizure; in the first place, because the tion, we went round to the chandler's broker, having an idea that I wanted shop to enlist Peggotty; Traddles dethem, ran the price up to an extravagant clning to pass the evening with me, extent; and, in the second place, be- both because he endured the liveliest cause I —hadn't any money. Now, I apprehensions that his property would have kept my eye since, upon the bro- be bought by somebody else before he ker's shop," said Traddles, with a great could repurchase it, and because it was enjoyment of his mystery, "which is up the evening he always devoted to writat the top of Tottenham Court Road, ing to the dearest girl in the world. and, at last, to-day I find them put out I never shall forget him peeping round for sale. I have only noticed them the corner of the street in Tottenham from over the way, because if the broker Court Road, while Peggottv was barsaw me, bless you, he'd ask any price gaining for the precious articles; or his for them! What has occurred to me, agitation when she came slowly towards having now the money, is, that perhaps us after vainly offering a price, and was you wouldn't object to ask that good hailed by the relenting broker, and went nurse of yours to come with me to the back again. The end of the negotiashop - I can show it her from round tion was, that she bought the property the corner of the next street -and on tolerably easy terms, and Traddles make the best bargain for them, as if was transported with pleasure. they were for herself, that she can " " I am very much obliged to you, inThe delight with which Traddles deed," said Traddles, on hearing it was propounded this plan to me, and the to be sent to where he lived, that night. sense he had of its uncommon artfulness, "If I might ask one other favor, I are among the freshest things in my hope you would not think it absurd, remembrance. Copperfield?" I told him that my old nurse would I said beforehand, certainly not. be delighted to assist him, and that we "Then if you would be good would all three take the field together, enough," said Traddles to Peggotty, but on one condition. That condition "to get the flower-pot now, I think I was, that he should make a solemn should like (it being Sophy's, Copperresolution to grant no more loans of his field) to carry it home myself! " name, or anything else, to Mr. Micaw- Peggotty was glad to get it for him, ber. and he overwhelmed her with thanks, " My dear Copperfield," said Trad- and went his way up Tottenham Court dies, " I have already done so, because Road, carrying the flower-pot affectionI begin to feel that I have not only ately in his arms, with one of the most been inconsiderate, but that I have been delighted expressions of countenance I positively unjust to Sophy. My word ever saw. being passed to myself, there is no We then turned back towards my longer any apprehension; but I pledge chambers. As the shops had charms it to you, too, with the greatest readi- for Peggotty which I never knew them ness. That first unlucky obligation I possess in the same degree for anybody have paid. I have no doubt Mr. else, I sauntered easily along, amused Micawber would have paid it if he by her staring in at the windows, and could, but he could not. One thing I waiting for her as often as she chose. ought to mention, which I like very We were thus a good while in getting much in Mr. Micawber, Copperfield. to the Adelphi. It refers to the second obligation, which On our way up stairs, I called her atis not yet due. He don't tell me that it tention to the sudden disappearance of is provided for, but he says it will be. Mrs. Crupp's pitfalls, and also to the Now, I think there is something.very prints of recent footsteps. We were fair and honest about that!" both very much surprised, coming high 286 - PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE er up, to find my outer door standing was in her usual inflexible state of figopen (which I had shut), and to hear ure; and ventured a remonstrance with voices inside, her on the subject of her sitting on a We looked at one another, without box. knowing what to make of this, and "Let me draw the sofa here, or the went into the sitting-room. What was easy-chair, aunt," said I. "Why should my amazement to find, of all people you be so uncomfortable?" upon earth, my aunt there, and Mr. " Thank you, Trot," replied my aunt. Dick! My aunt sitting on a quantity "I prefer to sit upon my property.'? of luggage, with her two birds before Here my aunt looked hard at Mrs. her, and her cat on her knee, like a Crupp, and observed, "We needn't female Robinson Crusoe, drinking tea. trouble you to wait, ma'am." Mr. Dick leaning thoughtfully on a " Shall I put a little more tea in the great kite, such as we had often been pot afore I go, ma'am?" said Mrs. out together to fly, with more luggage Crupp. piled about him! "No, I thank you, ma'am," replied "My dear aunt!" cried I. "Why, my aunt. what an unexpected pleasure! " "Would you let me fetch another pat We cordially embraced; and Mr. of butter, ma'am? " said Mrs. Crupp. Dick and I cordially shook hands; and "Or would you be persuaded to try a Mrs. Crupp, who was busy making tea, new-laid hegg? or should I brile a rashand could not be too attentive, cordial- er? Ain't there nothing I could do for ly said she had knowed well as Mr. your dear aunt, Mr. Copperfull? " Copperfull would have his heart in his " Nothing, ma'am," returned my mouth, when he see his dear relations. aunt. "I shall do very well, I than " Halloa! " said my aunt to Peggot- you." ty, who quailed before her awful pres- Mrs. Crupp, who had been incesence. " How are you?" santly smiling to express sweet temper, "You remember my aunt, Peggot- and incessantly holding her head on ty?" said I. one side, to express a general feeble" For the love of goodness, child," ness of constitution, and incessantly exclaimed my aunt, " don't call the rubbing her hands, to express a desire woman by that South Sea Island name! to be of service to all deserving objects, If she married and got rid of it, which gradually smiled herself, one-sided herwas the best thing she could do, why self, and rubbed herself out of the don't you give her the benefit of the room. change? What's your name now, — "Dick?" said my aunt. "You know P? " said my aunt, as a compromise what I told you about time-servers and for the obnoxious appellation. wealth-worshippers?" "Barkis, ma'am," said Peggotty, Mr. Dick - with rather a scared look, with a courtesy. as if he had forgotten it —returned a "Well! That's human," said my hasty answer in the affirmative. aunt. " It sounds less as if you want- "Mrs. Crupp is one of them," said ed a missionary. How d' ye do, Bar- my aunt. "Barkis, I'll trouble you to kis? I hope you're well? "look after the tea, and let me have Encouraged by these gracious words, another cup, for I don't fancy that woand by my aunt's extending her hand, man's pouring out!" Barkis came forward, and took the I knew my aunt sufficiently well to hand, and courtesied her ackniowledg- know that she had something of imporments. tance on her mind, and that there was " We are older than we were, I see," far more matter in this arrival than a said my aunt. "We have only met stranger might have -supposed. I noeach other once before, you know. A ticed how her eye lighted on me, when nice business we made of it then! she thought my attention otherwise ocTrot, my dear, another cup." cupied; and what a curious process of I handed it dutifully to my aunt, who hesitation appeared to be going on with-: OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 28t in her, while she preserved her outward she suppressed this emotion; and said stiffness and composure. I began to with an aspect more triumphant than reflect whether I had done anything to dejected, - offend her; and my conscience whis- " We must meet reverses boldly, and pered me that I had not yet told her not suffer them to frighten us, my dear. about Dora. Could it by any means be We must learn to act the play out. We that, I wondered! must live misfortune down, Trot!" As I knew she would only speak in her own good time, I sat down near her, and spoke to the birds, and played with the cat, and was as easy as I could be. CHAPTER XXXV. But I was very far from being really easy; and I should still have been so, DEPRESSION. even if Mr. Dick, leaning over the great kite behind my aunt, had not taken As soon as I could recover my presevery secret opportunity of shaking his ence of mind, which quite deserted me in head darkly at me, and pointing at the first overpowering shock of my aunt's her. intelligence, I proposed to Mr. Dick to " Trot," said my aunt at last, when come round to the chandler's shop, and she had finished her tea, and carefully take possession of the bed which Mr. smoothed down her dress, and wiped Peggottyhadlatelyvacated. Thechandher lips- " you need n't go, Barkis! - ler's shop being in Hungerford Market, Trot, have you got to be firm, and self- and Hungerford Market being a very reliant? " different place in those days, there was "I hope so, aunt." a low.wooden colonnade before the door "What do you think?" inquired (not very unlike that before the house Miss Betsey. where the little man and woman used " I think so, aunt." to live, in the old weather-glass), which " Then why, my love," said my aunt, pleased Mr. Dick mightily. The glory looking earnestly at me, "why do you of lodging over this structure would think I prefer to sit upon this property have compensated him, I dare say, for of mine to-night?" many inconveniences; but, as there I shook my head, unable to guess. were really few to bear, beyond the com"Because," said my aunt, "it's all pound of flavors I have already menI have. Because I'm ruined, my tioned, and perhaps the want of a little dear!" more elbow-room, he was perfectly If the house, and every one of us, charmed with his accommodation. had tumbled out into the river together, Mrs. Crupp had indignantly assured I could hardly have received a greater him that there was n't room to swing a shock. cat there; but, as Mr. Dick justly ob" Dick knows it," said my aunt, lay- served to me, sitting down on the foot ing her hand calmly on my shoulder. of the bed, nursing his leg, " You know, "I am ruined, my dear Trot I All I Trotwood, I don't want to swing a cat. have in the world is in this room, ex- I never do swing a cat. Therefore, cept the cottage; and that I have left what does that signify to me! " Janet to let. Barkis, I want to get a I tried to ascertain whether Mr. Dick bed for this gentleman to-night. To had any understanding of the causes of save expense, perhaps you can make up this sudden and. great change in my something here for myself. Anything aunt's affairs. As I might have exwill do. It's only for to-night. We'11 pected, he had none at all. The only talk about this, more, to-morrow." account he could give of it was, that I was roused from my amazement, my aunt had said to him, the day beand concern for her-I am sure, for fore yesterday, "Now, Dick, are you her -by her falling on my neck for a really and truly the philosopher I take moment, and crying that she only you for?" That then he had said, Yes, grieved for me. In another moment, he hoped so. That then my aunt had 282 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE said, " Dick, I am ruined." That then loaf at supper (which happened to be a he had said, "0, indeed!" That then small one), as if nothing else stood bemy aunt had praised him highly, which tween us and famine; and when my he was very glad of. And that then -aunt insisted on his making his customathey had come to me, and had had bot- ry repast, I detected him in the act of tled porter and sandwiches on the road. pocketing fragments of his bread and Mr. Dick was so very complacent, cheese; I have no doubt for the pursitting on the foot of the bed, nursing pose of reviving us with those savings, his leg, and telling me this, with his when we should have reached an adeyes wide open and a surprised smile, vanced stage of attenuation. that I am sorry to say I was provoked My aunt, on the other hand, was in a into explaining to him that ruin meant composed frame of mind, which was a distress, want, and starvation; but I lesson to all of us, - to me, I am sure. was soon bitterly reproved for this She was extremely gracious to Peggotharshness, by seeing his face turn pale, ty, except when I inadvertently called and tears course down his lengthened her by that name; and, strange as I cheeks, while he fixed upon me a look knew she felt in London, appeared quite of such unutterable woe, that it might at home. She was to have my bed, and have softened a far harder heart than I was to lie in the sitting-room, to keep mine. I took infinitely greater pains guard over her. She made a great to cheer him up again than I had taken point of being so near the river, in case to depress him; and I soon understood of a conflagration; and I suppose really (as I ought to have known at first) that did find some satisfaction in that cirhe had been so confident, merely be- cumstance. cause of his faith in the wisest and "Trot, my dear," said my aunt, when most wonderful of women, and his un- she saw me making preparations for bounded reliance on my intellectual compounding her usual night-draught, resources. The latter, I believe, he "No!" considered a match for any kind of dis- " Nothing, aunt? " aster not absolutely mortal. "Not wine, my dear. Ale." "What can we do, Trotwood?" said " But there is wine here, aunt. And Mr. Dick. "There's the Memori- you always have it made of wine." al -" "Keep that, in case of sickness," "To be sure there is," said I. "But said my aunt. "We mustn't use it all we can do just now, Mr. Dick, is tp carelessly, Trot. Ale for me. Half a keep a cheerful countenance, and not let pint." my aunt see that we are thinking about I thought Mr. Dick would have fallen, it." insensible. My aunt being resolute, I He assented to this in the most ear- went out and got the ale myself. As it nest manner; and implored me, if I was growing late, Peggotty and Mr. should see him wandering an inch out Dick took that opportunity of repairing of the right course, to recall him-by to the chandler's shop together. I some of those superior methods which parted from him, poor fellow, at the were always at my command. But I corner of the street, with his great kite regret to state that the fright I had at his back, a very monument of human given him proved too much for his best misery. attempts at concealment. All the even- My aunt was walking up and down ing his eyes wandered to my aunt's the room when I returned, crimping face, with an expression of the most the borders of her nightcap with her dismal apprehension, as if he saw her fingers. I warmed the ale and made growing thin on the spot. He was the toast on the usual infallible princiconscious of this, and put a constraint ples. When it was ready for her, she upon his head; but his keeping that was ready for it, with her nightcap on, immovable, and sitting rolling his eyes and the skirt of her gown turned back like a piece of machinery, did not mend on her knees. the matter at all. I saw him look at the "My dear," said my aunt, after tak OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 23 ing a spoonful of it; " it's a great deal the most ridiculous of mortals. But better than wine. Not half so bilious." there are good points in Barkis I" I suppose I looked doubtful, for she Affecting to laugh, she got an opporadded, - tunity of putting her hand to her eyes. "Tut, tut, child. If nothing worse Having availed herself of it, she rethan ale happens to us, we are well sumed her toast and her discourse tooff." gether. "I should think so myself, aunt, I "Ah I Mercy upon us " sighed am sure," said I. my aunt. " I know all about it, Trot! "Well, then, why don't you think Barkis and myself had quite a gossip so?" said my aunt. while you were out with Dick. I know " Because you and I are very differ- all about it. I don't know where these ent people," I returned. wretched girls expect to go to, for my " Stuff and nonsense, Trot," replied part. I wonder they don't knock out my aunt. their brains against-against mantelMy aunt went on with a quiet enjoy- pieces," said my aunt; an idea which ment, -in which there was very little was probably suggested to her by her affectation, if any; drinking the warm contemplation of mine. ale with a teaspoon, and soaking her " Poor Emily!" said I. strips of toast in it. "0, don't talk to me about poor," "Trot," said she, "I don't care for returned my aunt. "She should have strange faces in general, but I rather thought of that, before she caused so like that Barkis of yours, do you much misery! Give me a kiss, Trot. know! " I am sorry for your early experience." " It's better than a hundred pounds As 1 bent forward, she put her tumto hear you say so! " said I. bler on my knee to detain me, and " It's a most extraordinary world," said, - observed my aunt, rubbing her nose; "0 Trot, Trot! And so you fancy " how that woman ever got into it with yourself in love! Do you?" that name, is unaccountable to me. It " Fancy, aunt! " I exclaimed, as red would be much more easy to be born a as I could be. " I adore her with my Jackson, or something of that sort, one whole soul! " would think." "Dora, indeed:! " returned my aunt. "Perhaps she thinks so, too; it's "And you mean to say the little thing not her fault," said I. is very fascinating, I suppose? " " I suppose not," returned my aunt, " My dear aunt," I replied,'no one rather grudging the admission; "but can form the least idea what she is!" it's very aggravating. However, she's "Ah! And not silly?" said my Barkis now. That's some comfort. aunt. Barkis is uncommonly fond of you, "Silly, aunt " Trot." I seriously believe it had never once "There is nothing she would leave entered my head for a single moment, undone to prove it," said I. to consider whether she was or not. I "Nothing, I believe," returned my resented the idea, of course; but I was aunt. "Here, the poor fool has been in a manner struck by it, as a new one begging and praying about handing altogether. over some of her, money, -because she " Not light-headed? " said my aunt. has got too much of it! A simpleton! " "Light-headed, aunt! " I could only My aunt's tears of pleasure were pos- repeat this daring speculation with the itively trickling down into the warm same kind of feeling with which I had ale. repeated the preceding question. "She's the most ridiculous creature "Well, well!" said my aunt. "I that ever was born," said my aunt. only ask. I don't depreciate her. " I knew, from the first moment when I Poor little couple! And so you think saw her with that poor dear blessed you were formed for one another, and baby of a mother of yours, that she was are to go through a party-supper-table a84 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE kind of life, like two pretty pieces of was, when I proposed to Dora; about confectionery, do you, Trot?" the chivalrous necessity of telling Dora She asked me this so kindly, and with what my worldly condition was, and resuch a gentle air, half playful and half leasing her from her engagement if she sorrowful, that I was quite touched. thought fit; about how I should con"We are young and inexperienced, trive to live, during the long term of aunt, I know," I replied; " and I dare my articles, when I was earning nothsay we say and think a good deal that ing; about doing something to assist my is rather foolish. But we love one an- aunt, and seeing no way of doing anyother truly, I am sure. If I thought thing; about coming down to have no Dora could ever love anybody else, or money in my pocket, and to wear a cease to love me, or that I could ever shabby coat, and to be able to carry love anybody else, or cease to love her; Dora no little presents, and to ride no I don't know what I should do, -go gallant grays, and to show myself in no out of my mind, I think!" agreeable light! Sordid and selfish as " Ah, Trot! " said my aunt, shaking I knew it was, and as I tortured myself her head, and smiling gravely; "blind, by knowing that it was, to let my mind blind, blind! " run on my own distress so much, I was " Some one that I know, Trot," my so devoted to Dora that I could not aunt pursued, after a pause, "though of help it. I knew that it was base in a very pliant disposition, has an earnest- me not to think more of my aunt, and ness of affection in him that reminds less of myself; but, so far, selfishness me of poor Baby. Earnestness is what was inseparable from Dora, and I could that Somebody must look for, to sus- not put Dora on one side for any mortain him and improve him, Trot. Deep, tal creature. How exceedingly miserdownright, faithful earnestness." able I was, that night I " If you only knew the earnestness As to sleep, I had dreams of poverty of Dora, aunt! " I cried. in all sorts of shapes, but I seemed to " Trot!" she said again; "blind, dream without the previous ceremony blind! " and, without knowing why, I of going to sleep. Now I was ragged, felt a vague unhappy loss or want of wanting to sell Dora matches, six bunsomething overshadow me like a cloud. dies for a halfpenny; now I was at the " However," said my aunt, " I don't office in a nightgown and boots, remonwant to put two young creatures out strated with by Mr. Spenlow on apof conceit with themselves, or to make pearing before the clients in that airy them unhappy; so, though it is a girl attire; now I was hungrily picking up and boy attachment, and girl and boy the crumbs that fell from old Tiffey's attachments very often - mind I I don't daily biscuit, regularly eaten when say always - come to nothing, still Saint Paul's struck one; now I was we'11 be serious about it, and hope for hopelessly endeavoring to get a license a prosperous issue one of these days. to marry Dora, having nothing but one There's time enough for it to come to of Uriah Heep's gloves to offer in exanything!" change, which the whole Commons reThis was not upon the whole very jected; and still, more or less conscious comforting to a rapturous lover; but I of my own room, I was always tossing was glad to have my aunt in my con- about like a distressed ship in a sea of fidence, and I was mindful of her being bedclothes. fatigued. So I thanked her ardently My aunt was restless, too, for I frefor this mark of her affection, and for quently heard her walking to and fro. all her other kindnesses towards me; Two or three times in the course of and after a tender good night, she took the night, attired in a long flannel her nightcap into my bedroom. wrapper in which she looked seven How miserable I was, when I lay feet high, she appeared, like a disdown! How I thought and thought of turbed ghost, in my room, and came my being poor, in Mr. Spenlow's eyes; to the side of the sofa on which I lay. about my not being what I thought I On the first occasion I started up, m OF DA VID COPPERFIELD.' i5 alarm, to learn that she inferred, from key. Then I sat down in my shady a particular light in the sky, that West- corner, looking up at the sunlight on minster Abbey was on fire; and to be the opposite chimney-pots, and thinkconsulted in reference to the proba- ing about Dora; until Mr. Spenlow bility of its igniting Buckingham Street, came in, crisp and curly. in case the wind changed. Lying still, "How are you, Copperfield?" said after that, I found that she sat down he. "Fine morning!" near me, whispering to herself, "Poor "Beautiful morning, sir," said I. boy!" And then it made me twenty "Could I say a word to you before times more wretched, to know how un- you go into court?" selfishly mindful she was of me, and " By all means," said he. "Come into how selfishly mindful I was of myself. my room." It was difficult to believe that a night I followed him into his room, and he so long to me could be short to anybody began putting on his gown, and touchelse. This consideration set me think- ing himself up before a little glass he ing and thinking of an imaginary party had, hanging inside a closet door. where people were dancing the hours "I am sorry to say," said I, "that I away, until that became a dream too, have some rather disheartening intelliand I heard the music incessantly gence from my aunt." playing one tune, and saw Dora inces- "No!" said he. "Dear me I Not santly dancing one dance, without tak- paralysis, I hope?" ing the least notice of me. The man "It has no reference to her health, who had been playing the harp all sir," I replied. "She has met with night was trying in vain to cover it some large losses. In fact, she has a with an ordinary-sized nightcap, when very little left, indeed." I awoke; or I should rather say, when "You as-tound me, Copperfield I" I left off trying to go to sleep, and saw cried Mr. Spenlow. the sun shining in through the window I shook my head. "Indeed, sir," at last. said I, " her affairs are so changed, that There was an old Roman bath in I wished to ask you whether it would be those days at the bottom of one of the possible - at a sacrifice, on our part of streets out of the Strand- it may be some portion of the premium, of course," there still - in which I have had many I put in this on the spur of the moment, a cold plunge. Dressing myself as warned by the blank expression of his quietly as I could, and leaving Peg- face - "to cancel my articles?" gotty to look after my aunt, I tumbled What it cost me to make this propoheadforemost into it, and then went sal, nobody knows. It was like asking, for a walk to Hampstead. I had a as a favor, to be sentenced to transporhope that this brisk treatment might tation from Dora. freshen my wits a little; and I think "To cancel your articles, Copperfield? it did them good, for I soon came to Cancel?" the conclusion that the first step I I explained with tolerable firmness, ought to take was to try if my articles that I really did not know where my could be cancelled, and the premium means of subsistence were to come recovered. I got some breakfast on from, unless I could earn them for mythe Heath, and walked back to Doc- self. I had no fear for the future, I tors' Commons, along the watered roads said, - and I laid great emphasis on and through a pleasant smell of summer that, as if to imply that I should still flowers, growing in gardens and carried be decidedly eligible for a son-in-law into town on hucksters' heads, intent on one of these days, - but, for the presthis first effort to meet our altered cir- ent, I was thrown upon my own recumstances. sources. I arrived at the office so soon, after " I am extremely sorry to hear this, all, that I had half an hour's loitering Copperfield," said Mr. Spenlow. "Exabout the Commons, before old Tiffey, tremely sorry. It is not usual to cancel who was always first, appeared with his articles for any such reason. It is not 286 PERSONAL HISTORY ANrD EXPERIENCE a professional course of proceeding. It very much by making my appearance is not a convenient precedent at all. there. Far from it. At the same time-" "Come in, Mr. Copperfield," said "You are very good, sir," I mur- Mr. Jorkins. "Come in! " mured, anticipating a concession. I went in, and sat down; and stated " Not at all. Don't mention it," said my case to Mr. Jorkins pretty much as Mr. Spenlow. "At the same time, I I had stated it to Mr. Spenlow. Mr. was going to say, if it had been my lot Jorkins was not by any means the awful to have my hands unfettered - if I had creature one might have expected, but not a partner - Mr. Jorkins- " a large, mild, smooth-faced man of sixty, My hopes were dashed in a moment, who took so much snuff that there was but 1 made another effort. a tradition in the Commons that he " Do you think, sir," said I, "if I lived principally on that stimulant, havwere to mention it to Mr. Jorkins -" ing little room in his system for any Mr. Spenlow shook his head discour- other article of diet. agingly. "Heaven forbid, Copper- "You have mentioned this to Mr. field," he replied, "that I should do Spenlow, I suppose?" said Mr. Jorany man an injustice; still less, Mr. kins; when he had heard me, very Jorkins. But I know my partner, Cop- restlessly, to an end. perfield. Mr. Jorkins is not a man to I answered Yes, and told him that respond to a proposition of this peculiar Mr. Spenlow had introduced his name. nature. Mr. Jorkins is very difficult to "He said I should object?" asked move from the beaten track. You know Mr. Jorkins. what he is?" I was obliged to admit that Mr. SpenI am sure I knew nothing about him, low had considered it probable. except that he had originally been alone " I am sorry to say, Mr. Copperfield, in the business, and now lived by him- I can't advance your object," said Mr. self in a house near Montagu Square, Jorkins, nervously. "The fact iswhich was fearfully in want of paint- but I have an appointment at the Bank, ing; that he came very late of a day, if you'11 have the goodness to excuse and went away very early; that he me." never appeared to be consulted about With that he rose in a great hurry, anything; and that he had a dingy little and was going out of the room, when I black-hole of his own up stairs, where made bold to say that I feared, then, no business was ever done, and where there was no way of arranging the matthere was a yellow old cartridge-paper ter? pad upon his desk, unsoiled by ink, and " No!" said Mr. Jorkins, stopping reported to be twenty years of age. at the door to shake his head. "O "Would you object to my mentioning no! I object you know," which he it to him, sir?" I asked. said very rapidly, and went out. "You "By no means," said Mr. Spenlow. must be aware, Mr. Copperfield," he "But I have some experience of Mr. added, looking restlessly in at the door Jorkins, Copperfield. I wish it were again, "if Mr. Spenlow objects-" otherwise, for I should be happy to " Personally he does not object, sir," meet your views in any respect. I can- said I. not have the least objection to your "Oh! Personally! " repeated Mr. mentioning it to Mr. Jorkins, Copper- Jorkins in an impatient manner. " I field, if you think it worth while." assure you there's an objection, Mr. Availing myself of this permission, Copperfield. Hopeless! What you which was given with a warm shake of wish to be done, can't be done. I - I the hand, I sat thinking about Dora, really have got an appointment at the and looking at the sunlight stealing from Bank." With that he fairly ran away; the chimney-pots down the wall of the and to the best of my knowledge, it was opposite house, until Mr. Jorkins came. three days before he showed himself in I then went up to Mr. Jorkins's room, the Commons again. and evidently astonished Mr. Jorkins Being very anxious to leave no stone OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 87 mturned, I waited until Mr. Spenlow had a conjurer's cap, there is no one I same in, and then described what had should have wished for but you I" )assed; giving him to understand that "What? " returned Agnes. [ was not hopeless of his being able to "Well! perhaps Dora first," I ad-;often the adamantine Jorkins, if he mitted with a blush. vould undertake the task. " Certainly, Dora first, I hope," said' Copperfield," returned Mr. Spen- Agnes, laughing. ow, with a gracious smile, "you have "But you next! " said I. "Where lot known my partner, Mr. Jorkins, as are you going? " ong as I have. Nothing is farther She was going to my rooms to see'rom my thoughts than to attribute any my aunt. The day being very fine, she legree of artifice to Mr. Jorkins. But was glad to come out of the chariot, Mr. Jorkins has a way of stating his which smelt (I had my head in it all )bjections which often deceives people. this time) like a stable put under a cuNo, Copperfield!" shaking his head, cumber-frame. I dismissed the coach-' Mr. Jorkins is not to be moved, be- man, and she took my arm, and we ieve me! " walked on together. She was like I was completely bewildered between Hope embodied, to me. How different Mr. Spenlow and Mr. Jorkins, as to I felt in one short minute, having Agt which of them really was the objecting nes at my side! partner; but I saw with sufficient clear- My aunt had written her one of the aess that there was obduracy some- odd, abrupt notes —very little longer where in the firm, and that the recov- than a bank-note - to which her epistoery of my aunt's thousand pounds was lary efforts were usually limited. She:ut of the question. In a state of de- had stated therein that she had fallen inspondency, which I remember with any- to adversity, and was leaving Dover for thing but satisfaction, for I know it still good, but had quite made up her mind had too much reference to myself to it, and was so well that nobody need (though always in connection with be uncomfortable about her. Agnes Dora), I left the office, and went home- had come to London to see my aunt, ward. between whom and herself there had I was trying to familiarize my mind been a mutual liking these many years; with the worst, and to present to myself indeed, it dated from the time of my the arrangements we should have to taking up my residence in Mr. Wickmake for the future in their sternest as- field's house. She was not alone, she pect, when a hackney chariot coming said. Her papa was with her-and after me, and stopping at my very feet, Uriah Heep. occasioned me to look up. A fair hand " And now they are partners," said I. was stretched forth to me from the win- "Confound him! " dow; and the face I had never seen "Yes," said Agnes. "They have without a feeling of serenity and happi- some business here; and I took advanness, from the moment when it first tage of their coming, to come too. You turned back on the old oak staircase must not think my visit all friendly and with the great broad balustrade, and disinterested, Trotwood, for —I am when I associated its softened beauty afraid I may be cruelly prejudiced —I with the stained glass window in the do not like to let papa go away alone, church, was smiling on me. with him." "Agnes!" I joyfully exclaimed. " Does he exercise the same influence "0, my dear Agnes, of all people over Mr. Wickfield still, Agnes?" in the world, what a pleasure to see Agnes shook her head. "There is you!" such a change at home," said she, "Is it, indeed?" she said, in her "that you would scarcely know the cordial voice. dear old house. They live with us "I want to talk to you so much!" now." said I. " It's such a lightening of my "They?" said I. heart, only to look at you I If I had "Mr. Heep and his mother. IHe 288 PERSONAL HISTORY AND7 EXPERIENCE sleeps in your old room," said Agnes, been brought about. On my replying looking up into my face. no, she had not told me yet, Agnes "I wish I had the ordering of his became thoughtful, and I fancied I felt dreams," said I. "He wouldn't sleep her arm tremble in mine. there long." We found my aunt alone, in a state "I keep my own little room," said of some excitement. A differenceof Agnes, " where I used to learn my les- opinion had arisen between herself and sons. How the time goes! You re- Mrs. Crupp, on an abstract question member? The little panelled room (the propriety of chambers being inthat opens from the drawing-room?" habited by the gentler sex); and my "Remember, Agnes? When I saw aunt, utterly indifferent to spasms on you, for the first time, coming out at the part of Mrs. Crupp, had cut the the door, with your quaint little basket dispute short, by informing that lady of keys hanging at your side?" that she smelt of my brandy, and "It is just the same," said Agnes, that she would trouble her to walk smiling. "I am glad you think of it so out. Both of these expressions Mrs. pleasantly. We were very happy." Crupp considered actionable, and had "We were, indeed," said I. expressed her intention of bringing be"I keep that room to myself still; fore a "British Judy," - meaning, it but I cannot always desert Mrs. Heep, was supposed, the bulwark of our nayou know. And so," said Agnes, tional liberties. quietly, "I feel obliged to bear her My aunt, however, having had time company, when I might prefer to be to cool, while Peggotty was out showing alone. But I have no other reason to Mr. Dick the soldiers at the Horse complain of her. If she tires me, some- Guards, -and being, besides, greatly times, by her praises of her son, it is pleased to see Agnes, - rather plumed only natural in a mother. He is a very herself on the affair than otherwise, good son to her." and received us with unimpaired goodI looked at Agnes when she said humor. When Agnes laid her bonnet these words, without detecting in her on the table, and sat down beside her, any consciousness of Uriah's design. I could not but think, looking on her Her mild but earnest eyes met mine mild eyes and her radiant forehead, with their own beautiful frankness, and how natural it seemed to have her there: there was no change in her gentle how trustfully, although she was so face. young and inexperienced, my aunt con"The chief evil of their presence in fided in her; how strong she was, the house," said Agnes, "is that I can- indeed, in simple love and truth. not be as near papa as I could wish, We began to talk about my aunt's -Uriah Heep being so much between losses, and I told them what I had us, -and cannot watch over him, if tried to do that morning. that is not too bold a thing to say, as "Which was injudicious, Trot," said closely as I would. But, if any fraud my aunt, "but well meant. You are a or treachery is practising against him, generous boy, - I suppose I must say, I hope that simple love and truth will young man, now, - and I am proud of be stronger, in the end. I hope that you, my dear. So far, so good. Now, real love and truth are stronger in the Trot and Agnes, let us look the case end than any evil or misfortune in the of Betsey Trotwood in the face, and see world." how it stands." A certain bright smile, which I never I observed Agnes turn pale, as she saw on any other face, died away, even looked very attentively at my aunt. My while I thought how good it was, and aunt, patting her cat, looked very attenhow familiar it had once been to me; tively at Agnes. and she asked me, with a quick change "Betsey Trotwood," said my aunt, of expression (we were drawing very who had always kept her money matteis near my street), if I knew how the to herself; "-I don't mean iyour reverse in my aunt's circumstances had sister, Trot, my dear, but msyself-eat OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 289 a certain property. It don't matter how I thought I knew why. I thought she much; enough to live on. More; for had had some fear that her unhappy she had saved a little and added to it. father might be in some way to blame Betsey funded her property for some for what had happened. My aunt took time, and then, by the advice of her her hand in hers, and laughed. man of business, laid it out on landed "Is that all?" repeated my aunt. security. That did very well, and re- "Why, yes, that's all, except,'And turned very good interest, till Betsey she lived happy ever afterwards.' Pervas paid off. I am talking of Betsey haps I may add that of Betsey yet, one is if she was a man-of-war. Well I of these days. Now, Agnes, you have Fhen, Betsey had to look about her, a wise head. So have you, Trot, in or a new investment. She thought she some things, though I can't compliment vas wiser, now, than her man of busi- you always "; and here my aunt shook less, who was not such a good man of her own at me, with an energy peculiar usiness by this time, as he used to be, to herself. "What's to be done? -I am alluding to your father, Agnes, Here's the cottage, taking one time — and she took it into her head to lay with another, will produce, say seventy t out for herself So she took her pounds a year. I think we may safely )igs," said my aunt, "to a foreign put it down at that. Well!-That's narket; and a very bad market it all we've got," said my aunt; with urned out to be. First, she lost in the whom it was an idiosyncrasy, as it is nining way, and then she lost in the with some horses, to stop very short living way, -fishing up treasure, or when she appeared to be in a fair way ome such Tom Tidier nonsense," ex- of going on for a long while. iained my aunt, rubbing her nose; "Then," said my aunt, after a rest,'and then she lost in the mining way "there's Dick. He's good for a hungain, and last of all, to set the thing dred a year, but of course that must be ntirely to rights, she lost in the bank- expended on himself I would sooner tig way. I don't know what the Bank send him away, though I know I am hares were worth for a little while," the only person who appreciates him, aid my aunt; " cent per cent was the than have him and not spend his money,west of it, I believe; but the Bank on himself How can Trot and I do sas at the other end of the world, and best upon our means? What do you ambled into space, for what I know; say, Agnes?" nyhow, it fell to pieces, and never will " I say, aunt," I interposed, " that I nd never can pay sixpence; and must do something!"' tetsey's sixpences were all there, and "Go for a soldier, do you mean?" here's an end of them. Least said, returned my aunt, alarmed; "or go to oonest mended!" sea? I won't hear of it. You are to My aunt concluded this philosophical be a proctor. We're not going to have ammary, by fixing her eyes with a kind any knockings on the head in this famf triumph on Agnes, whose color was ily, if you please, sir." radually returning. I was about to explain that I was not " Dear Miss Trotwood, is that all the desirous of introducing that mode of istory?" said Agnes. provision into the family, when Agnes "I hope it's enough, child," said inquired if my rooms were held for any ry aunt. "If there had been more long term? loney to lose, it would n't have been "You come to the point, my dear," 11, I dare say. Betsey would have said my aunt. "They are not to be ontrived to throw that after the rest, got rid of, for six months at least, unad make another chapter, I have little less they could be underlet, and that I oubt. But, there was no more money, don't believe. The last man died here. ad there's no more story." Five people out of six would die - of Agnes had listened at first with sus- course -of that woman in nankeen en4ed breath. Her color still came with the flannel petticoat. I have a ad went, but she breathed more freely. litte ready money; arid I agree with I9 390 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXP-IRIENCE you, the best thing we can do is, to ject, and appointing to call on him nex live the term out here, and get Dick a day at ten in the forenoon. This I ad. bedroom hard by." dressed to Highgate, - for in that place I thought it my duty to hint at the so memorable to me, he lived, - anc discomfort my aunt would sustain, from went and posted, myself, without losing living in a continual state of guerilla a minute. warfare with Mrs. Crupp; but she dis- Wherever Agnes was, some agreeablt posed of that objection summarily by token of her noiseless presence seeme( declaring, that, on the first demonstra- inseparable from the place. When: tion of hostilities, she was prepared to came back, I found my aunt's bird astonish Mrs. Crupp for the whole re- hanging, just as they had hung so loni mainder of her natural life. in the parlor window of the cottage " I have been thinking, Trotwood," and my easy-chair imitating my aunt' said Agnes, diffidently, "that if you much easier chair in its position at thb had time -" open window; and even the roun, " I have a good deal of time, Agnes. green fan, which my aunt had brough I am always disengaged after four or away with her, screwed on to the wm five o'clock, and I have time early in dow-sill. I knew who had done al themorning. In one way and anoth- this, by its seeming to have quietly don er," said I, conscious of reddening a itself; and I should have known in little as I thought of the hours and moment who had arranged my neglect hours I had devoted to fagging about ed books in the old order of my schoc town, and to and fro upon the Norwood days, even if I had supposed Agnes t Road, " I have abundance of time." be miles away, instead of seeing he "I know you would not mind," said busy with them, and smiling at the dis Agnes, coming to me, and speaking in a order into which they had fallen. low voice, so full of sweet and hopeful My aunt was quite gracious on th consideration that I hear it now, "the subject of the Thames (it really did loo' duties of a secretary." very well with the sun upon it, thoug "Mind, my dear Agnes?" not like the sea before the cottage; "Because," continued Agnes, "Doc- but she could not relent towards th tor Strong has acted on his intention of London smoke, which, she said, "per retiring, and has come to live in Lon- pered everything." A complete rev don; and he asked papa, I know, if he olution, in which Peggotty bore a prom could recommend him one. Don't you inent part, was being effected in ever think he would rather have his favor- corer of my rooms, in regard of thi ite old pupil near him, than anybody pepper; and I was looking on, thinkin else?" how little even Peggotty seemedto d "Dear Agnes!" said I. "What with a good deal of bustle, and hi should I do without you! You are al- much Agnes did without any bustle z Ways my good angel. I told you so. I all, when a knock came at the door. never think of you in any other light." "I think," said Agnes, turning pale Agnes answered with her pleasant "it's papa. He promised me tat h laugh, that one good Angel (meaning would come." Dora) was enough; and went on to re- I opened the door, and admitted, nc mind me that the Doctor bad been only Mr.'Wickfield, but Uriah Heel used to occupy himself in his study, I had n6t seen Mr. Wickfield for som early in the morning, and in the even- time. I was prepared for a great chang ing, - and that probably my leisure in him, after what I had heard fror would suit his requirements very well. Agnes, but his appearance shocke I was scarcely more delighted with the me. prospect of earning my own bread, It was not that he looked man than with the hope of earning it under years older, though still dressed wit. my old master; in short, acting on the the old scrupulous cleanliness; or tha advice of Agnes, I sat down and wrote there was an unwholesome ruddiiies a levter to the Doctor, stating my ob- upon his face; or that hi eyes were fi OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. lo and bloodshot; or that there was a ner- said Uriah Heep, with a writhe, * I vous trembling in his hand, the cause of fully agree with Miss Betsey Trotwood, which I knew, and had for some years and should be only too appy if Miss seen at work. It was not that he had Agnes was a partner." lost his good looks, or his old bearing "You're a partner yourself, you of a gentleman, -for that he had not, — know," returned my aunt, "and that's but the thing that struck me most, was, about enough for you, I expect. How that, with the evidences of his native do you find yourself, sir?" superiority still upon him, he should In acknowledgment of this question, submit himself to that crawling imper- addressed to him with extraordinary sonation of meanness, Uriah Heep. curtness, Mr. Heep, uncomfortably The reversal of the two natures, in their clutching the blue bag he carried, rerelative positions, Uriah's of power and plied that he was pretty well, he thanked Mr. Wickfield's of dependence, was a my aunt, and hoped she was the same. sight more painful to me than I can "And you, Master-I should say, express. If I had seen an Ape taking Mister Copperfield," pursued Uriah. command of a Man, I should hardly I hope I see you well! I am rejoiced have thought it a more degrading spec- to see you, Mister Copperfield, even tacle. under present circumstances." I beHe appeared to be only too conscious lieved that; for he seemed to relish of it himself. When he came in, he them very much. "Present circumstood still; and with his head bowed, stances is not what your friends would as if he felt it. This was only for a wish for you, Mister Copperfield, but it moment; for Agnes softly said to him, is n't money makes the man; it's- I " Papa! Here is Miss Trotwood, - and am really unequal with my umble powTrotwood, whom you have not seen for ers to express what it is," said Uriah, a long while! " and then he approached, with a fawning jerk, "but it is n't and constrainedly gave my aunt his money!" hand, and shook hands more cordially Here he shook hands with me: not with me. In the moment's pause I in the common way, but standing at a speak of, I saw Uriah's countenance good distance from me, and lifting my form itself into a most ill-favored smile. hand up and down like a pump-handle, Agnes saw it too, I think, for she shrank that he was a little afraid of. from him. "And how do you think we are lookWhat my aunt saw, or did not see, I ing, Master Copperfield, -I should defy the science of physiognomy to have say, Mister?" fawned Uriah. "Don't made out, without her own consent. I you find Mr. Wickfield blooming, sir? believe there never was anybody with Years don't tell much in our firm, Massuch an imperturbable countenance ter Copperfield, except in raising up the when she chose. Her face might have umble, namely, mother and self, -and been a dead wall on the occasion in in developing," he added as an afterquestion, for any light it threw upon thought, "the beautiful, namely, Miss her thoughts; until she broke silence Agnes." with her usual abruptness. He jerked himself about, after this "Well, Wickfield " said my aunt; compliment, in such an intolerable manand he looked up at her for the first ner, that my aunt, who had sat looking time. " I have been telling your daugh- straight at him, lost all patience. ter how well I have been disposing of "Deuce take the man!" said my my money for myself, because I could aunt, sternly, "what's he about? n't trust it to you, as you were growing Don't be galvanic, sir! " rusty in business matters. We have "I ask your pardon, Miss Trotwood," been taking counsel together, and get- returned Uriah; "I'm aware your're ting on very well, all things considered. nervous." Agnes is worth the whole firm, in my "Go along with you, sir!" said my opinion." aunt, anything but appeased. "Don't If I may umbly make the remark," presume to say so I I am nothing of a92 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE the sort. If you're an eel, sir, conduct Agnes, anxiously. " Will you not walk yourself like one. If you're a man, back with Trotwood and me?" control your limbs, sir! Good God! " He would have looked to Uriah, I said my aunt, with great indignation, believe, before replying, if that worthy " I am not going to be serpentined and had not anticipated him. corkscrewed out of my senses I " "I am bespoke myself," said Uriah, Mr. Heep was rather abashed, as "on business; otherwise I should have most people might have been, by this been appy to have kept with my friends. explosion; which derived great addi- But I leave my partner to represent the tional force from the indignant manner firm. Miss Agnes, ever yours! I wish in which my aunt afterwards moved in you good day, Master Copperfield, and her chair, and shook her head as if she leave my umble respects for Miss Betwere making snaps or bounces at him. se' Trotwood." But he said to me aside in a meek With those words, he retired, kissing voice, - his great hand, and leering at us like a "I am well aware, Master Copper- mask. field, that Miss Trotwood, though an We sat there, talking about our pleasexcellent lady, has a quick temper ant old Canterbury days, an hour or two. (indeed, I think I had the pleasure of Mr. Wickfield, left to Agnes, soon beknowing her, when 1 was an umble came more like his former self: though clerk, before you did, Master Copper- there was a settled depression upon him, field), and it's only natural, I am sure, which he never shook off. For all that, that it should be made quicker by pres- he brightened; and had an evident ent circumstances. The wonder is, pleasure in hearing us recall the little that it is n't much worse! I only called incidents of our old life, many of which to say that if there was anything we he remembered very well. He said it could do, in present circumstances, was like those times, to be alone with mother or self, or Wickfield and Heep, Agnes and me again; and he wished to we should be really glad. I may go so Heaven they had never changed. I am far?" said Uriah, with a sickly smile sure there was an influence in the placid at his partner. face of Agnes, and in the very touch of "Uriah Heep," said Mr. Wickfield, her hand upon his arm, that did wonin a monotonous forced way, " is active ders for him. in the business, Trotwood. What he My aunt (who was busy nearly all this says, I quite concur in. You know I while with Peggotty, in the inner room) had an old interest in you. Apart from would not accompany us to the place that, what Uriah says I quite concur where they were staying, but insisted in i" on my going; and I went. We dined " 0, what a reward it is," said Uriah, together. After dinner, Agnes sat bedrawing up one leg, at the risk of bring- side him, as of old, and poured out his ing down upon himself another visita- wine. He took what she gave him, tion from my aunt, " to be so trusted in I and no more, -like a child, - and we But I hope I am able to do something all three sat together at a window as to relieve him from the fatigues of the evening gathered in. When it was business, Master'Copperfield!" almost dark, he lay down on a sofa, "Uriah Heep is a great relief to me," Agnes pillowing his head and bending said Mr. Wickfield, in the same dull over him a little while; and when she voice. "It's a load off my mind, Trot- came back to the window, it was not so wood, to have such a partner." dark but I could see tears glittering in The red fox made him say all this, I her eyes. knew, to exhibit him to me in the light I pray Heaven that I never may forhe had indicated on the night when he get the dear girl in her love and truth, poisoned my rest. I saw the same ill- at that time of my life; for if I should, favored smile upon his face again, and I must be drawing near the end, and saw how he watched me. then I would desire to remember her "You are not going, papa?" said best I She filled my heart with such I I I'1 s li:\ i i I; i j/ MR. W I AND AGNE1. MR. WICKFIELD AND AGNES. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 293 good resolutions, strengthened my ure, with which it was associated, it weakness so, by her example, so di- seemed as if a complete change had rected -I know not how, she was too come on my whole life. But that did modest and gentle to advise me in not discourage me. With the new life, many words -the wandering ardor and came new purpose, new intention. unsettled purpose within me, that all Great was the labor; priceless the rethe little good I have done, and all the ward. Dora was the reward, and Dora harm I have forborne, I solemnly be- must be won. lieve I may refer to her. I got into such a transport, that I felt And how she spoke to me of Dora, quite sorry my coat was not a little sitting at the window in the dark; lis- shabby already. I wanted to be cuttened to my praises of her; praised ting at those trees in the forest of diffiagain; and round the little fairy-figure culty, under circumstances that should shed some glimpses of her own pure prove my strength. I had a good mind light, that made it yet more precious to ask an old man, in wire spectacles, and more innocent to me! O Agnes, who was breaking stones upon the road, sister of my boyhood, if I had known to lend me his hammer for a little then; what I knew long afterwards!- while, and let me begin to beat a path There was a beggar in the street, to Dora out of granite. I stimulated when I went down; and as I turned myself into such a heat, and got so out my head towards the window, thinking of breath, that I felt as if I had been of her calm, seraphic eyes, he made me earning I don't know how much. In start by muttering, as if he were an this state, I went into a cottage that I echo of the morning: - saw was to let, and examined it nar"Blind! Blind! Blind!" rowly, -for I felt it necessary to be practical. It would do for me and Dora admirably: with a little front garden for Jip to run about in, and bark CHAPTER XXXVI. at the tradespeople through the railings, an'd a capital room up stairs for my ENTHUSIASM. aunt. I came out again, hotter and faster than ever, and dashed up to HighI BEGAN the next day with another gate, at such a rate that I was there an dive into the Roman bath, and then hour too early; and, though I had not started for Highgate. I was not dis- been, should have been obliged to stroll pirited now. I was not afraid of the about to cool myself, before I was at all shabby coat, and had no yearnings after presentable. gallant grays. My whole manner of My first care, after putting myself thinking of our late misfortune was under this necgssary course of preparachanged. What I had to do was, to tion, was to find the Doctor's house. It show my aunt that her past goodness to was not in that part of Highgate where me had not been thrown away on an Mrs. Steerforth lived, but quite on the insensible, ungrateful object. What I opposite side of the little town. When I had to do was, to turn the painful dis- had made this discovery, I went back, cipline of my younger days to account, in an attraction I could not resist, to a by going to work with a resolute and lane by Mrs. Steerforth's and looked steady heart. What I had to do was, over the corner of the garden wall. His to take my woodman's axe in my hand, room was shut up close. The conservaand clear my own way through the for- tory doors were standing open, and Roest of difficulty, by cutting down the sa Dartle was walking, bareheaded, with trees until I came to Dora. And I a quick impetuous step, up and down a went on at a mighty rate, as if it could gravel walk on one side of the lawn. She be done by walking. gave me the idea of some fierce thing, When I found myself on the familiar that was dragging the length of its chain Highgate road, pursuing such a differ- to and fro upon a beaten' track, and ent errand from that old one of pleas- wearing its heart out. 294. PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I came softly away from my place of "Of course," said the Doctor. "To observation, and avoiding that part of be sure. He's pretty well, too." the neighborhood, and wishing I had "Has he come home, sir?" I innot gone near it, strolled about until quired. it was ten o'clock. The church with the "From India?" said the Doctor. slender spire, that stands on the top of "Yes. Mr. Jack Maldon could n't the hill now, was not there then to tell bear the climate, my dear. Mrs. Markme the tiine. An old red-brick man- leham, - you have not forgotten Mrs. sion, used as a school, was in its place; Markleham?" and a fine old house it must have Forgotten the Old Soldier! And in been to go to school at, as I recollect that short time! it. "Mrs. Markleham," said the Doctor, When I approached the Doctor's cot- "was quite vexed about him, poor tage, - a pretty old place, on which he thing; so we have got him at home seemed to have expended some money, again; and we have bought him a little if I might judge from the embellish- Patent place, which agrees with him ments and repairs that had the look of much better." being just completed, - I saw him walk- I knew enough of Mr. Jack Maldon ing in the garden at the side, gaiters to suspect from this account that it was and all, as if he had never left off walk- a place where there was not much to do, ing since the days of my pupilage. He and which was pretty well paid. The had his old companions about him too; Doctor, walking up and down with his for there were plenty of high trees in hand on my shoulder, and his kind the neighborhood, and two or three face turned encouragingly to mine, went rooks were on the grass, looking after on:him, as if they had been written to " Now, my dear Copperfield, in referabout him by the Canterbury rooks, ence to this proposal of yours. It's and were observing him closely in con- very gratifying and agreeable to me, I sequence. A am sure; but don't you think you could Knowing the utter hopelessness of do better. You achieved distinction, attracting his attention from that dis- you know, when you were with us. tance, I made bold to open the gate, You are qualified for many good things. and walk after him, so as to meet him You have laid a foundation that any when he should turn round. When he edifice may be raised upon; and is it did, and came towards me, he looked at not a pity that you should devote the me thoughtfully for a few moments, evi- spring-time of your life to such a poor dently without thinking about me at all; pursuit as I can offer?" and then his benevolent face expressed I became very glowing again, and, extraordinary pleasure, and he took me expressing myself in a rhapsodical style, by both hands. I am afraid, urged my request strongly; "Why, my dear Copperfield," said reminding the Doctor that I had already the Doctor; "you are a man! How a profession. do you do? I am delighted to see you. "Well, well," returned the Doctor, My dear Copperfield, how very much "that's true. Certainly, your having a you have improved I You are quite- profession, and being actually engaged yes - dear me!" in studying it, makes a difference. But, I hoped he was well, and Mrs. Strong my good young friend, what's seventy too. pounds a year?" "0 dear, yes!" said the Doctor; "It doubles our income, Doctor "Annie's quite well, and she'11 be de- Strong," said I. lighted to see you. You were always "Dear me " replied the Doctor. her favorite. She said so, last night, "To think ofthat Not that I mean when I showed her your letter. And- to say it's rigidly limited to seventy yes to be sure - you recollect Mr. Jack pounds a year, because I have always Maldon, Copperfield?" contemplated making any young friend "Perfectly, sir." I might thus employ a present too. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 295 Undoubtedly," said the Doctor, still Afterwards, when we were fairly at our walking me up and down with his hand work, I found Mr. Jack Maldon's efforts on my shoulder. "I have always taken more troublesome to me than I had exan annual present into account." pected, as he had not confined himself "My dear tutor," said I (now, really, to making numerous mistakes, but had without any nonsense), "to whom I owe sketched so many soldiers and ladies' more obligations already than I ever heads over the Doctor's manuscript, can acknowledge — that I often became involved in laby"No, no," interposed the Doctor. rinths of obscurity. "Pardon me!" The Doctor was quite happy in the " If you will take such time as I have, prospect of our going to work together and that is my mornings and evenings, on that wonderful performance, and we and can think it worth seventy pounds settled to begin next morning at seven a year, you will do me such a service o'clock. We were to work two hours as I cannot express." every morning, and two or three hours " Dear me! " said the Doctor, inno- every night, except on Saturdays, when cently. " To think that so little should I was to rest. On Sundays, of course, I go for so much! Dear, dear! And was to rest also, and I considered these when you can do better, you.will? On very easy terms. your word, now?" said the Doctor, - Our plans being thus arranged to our which he had always made a very grave mutual satisfaction, the Doctor took me appeal to the honor of us boys. into the house to present me to Mrs. " On my word, sir!" I returned, an- Strong, whom we found in the Doctor's swering in our old school manner. new study, dusting his books, -a free" Then be it so," said the Doctor, dom which he never permitted anybody clapping me on the shoulder, and still else to take with those sacred favorites. keeping his hand there, as we still They had postponed their breakfast walked up and down. on my account, and we sat down to ta" And I shall be twenty times happi- ble together. We had not been seated er, sir," said I, with a little - I hope long, when I saw an approaching arriinnocent - flattery, "if my employment val in Mrs. Strong's face, before I heard is to be on the Dictionary." any sound of it. A gentleman on horseThe Doctorstopped, smilingly clapped back came to the gate, and leading his me on the shoulder again, andexclaimed, horse into the little court, with the briwith a triumph most delightful to be- die over his arm, as if he were quite at hold, as if I had penetrated to the pro- home, tied him to a ring in the empty foundest depths of mortal sagacity, "My coach-house wall, and came into the dear young friend, you have hit it. It breakfast-parlor, whip in hand. It was is the Dictionary!" Mr. Jack Maldon; and Mr. Jack MalHow could it be anything else! His don was not at all improved by India, I pockets were as full of it as his head. It thought. I was in a state of ferocious was sticking out of him in all directions. virtue, however, as to young men who He told me that since his retirement were not cutting down the trees in the from scholastic life, he had been ad- forest of difficulty; and my impression vancing with it wonderfully; and that must be received with due allowance. nothing could suit him better than the "Mr. Jack!" said the Doctor. proposed arrangements for morning and "Copperfield!" evening work, as it was his custom to Mr. Jack Maldon shook hands with walk about in the daytime with his con- me, but not very warmly, I believed; sidering cap on. His papers were in a and with an air of languid patronage, at little confusion, in consequence of Mr. which I secretly took great umbrage. Jack Maldon having lately proffered his But his languor altogether was quite a occasional services as anamanuensis, and wonderful sight, except when he adnot being accustomed to that occupa- dressed himself to his cousin Annie. ti9n; but we should soon put right what "Have you breakfasted this morning, was amiss, and go on swimmingly. Mr. Jack?" said the Doctor. 296 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "I hardly ever take breakfast, sir," he that I wondered how even the Doctoi, replied, with his head thrown back in an buttering his toast, could be blind to easy-chair. "I find it bores me." what was so obvious. " Is there any news to-day? "inquired But, he saw nothing. He told her, the Doctor. good-naturedly, that she was young and "Nothing at all, sir," replied Mr. ought to be amused and entertained, and Maldon. "There's an account about must not allow herself to be made dull the people being hungry and discon- by a dull old fellow. Moreover, he said, tented down in the North, but they he wanted to hear her sing all the new are always being hungry and discontent- singer's songs to him; and how could& ed somewhere." she do that well, unless she went? So: The Doctor looked grave, and said, the Doctor persisted in making the enas though he wished to change the gagement for her, and Mr. Jack Malsubject, "Then there's no news at don was to come back to dinner. This all; and no news, they say, is good concluded, he went to his Patent place, news." I suppose; but at all events went away "There's a long statement in the pa- on his horse, looking very idle. pers, sir, about a murder," observed Mr. I was curious to find out next mornMaldon. "But somebody is always be- ing whether she had been. She had ing murdered, and I didn't read it." not, but had sent into London to put A display of indifference to all the ac- her cousin off; and had gone out in tions and passions of mankind was not the afternoon to see Agnes, and had supposed to be such a distinguished prevailed upon the Doctor to go with quality at that time, I think, as I have her; and they had walked home by observed it to be considered since. I the fields, the Doctor told me, the have known it very fashionable indeed. evening being delightful. I wondered I have seen it displayed with such suc- then whether she would have gone if cess, that I have encountered some fine Agnes had not. been in town, and ladies and gentlemen who might as well whether Agnes had some good influthave been born caterpillars. Perhaps it ence over her too! impressed me the more then, because She did not look very happy, I thought, it was new to me; but it certainly did but it was a good face, or a very false not tend to exalt my opinion of, or to one. I often glanced at it, for she sat strengthen my confidence in, Mr. Jack in the window all the time we were at Maldon. work; and made our breakfast, which "I came out to inquire whether An- we took by snatches as we were emnie would like to go to the opera to- ployed. When I left, at nine o'clock, night," said Mr. Maldon, turning to she was kneeling on the ground at the her. " It's the last good night there Doctor's feet, putting on his shoes and will be, this season; and there's a sing- gaiters for him. There was a softened er there whom she really ought to hear. shade upon her face, thrown from some She is perfectly exquisite. Besides green leaves overhanging the open winwhich, she is so charmingly ugly," re- dow of the low room; and I thought, all lapsing into languor. the way to Doctors' Commons, of the The Doctor, ever pleased with what night when I had seen it looking at him was likely to please his young wife, as he read. turned to her and said, - I was pretty busy now; up at five in "You must go, Annie. You must go." the morning, and home at nine or ten at "I would rather not," she said to the night. But I had infinite satisfaction Doctor. " I prefer to remain at home. in being so closely engaged, and nevI would much rather remain at home." er walked slowly on any account, and Without looking at her cousin, she felt enthusiastically that the more I then addressed me, and asked me about tired myself, the more I was doing toAgnes, and whether she should see her, deserve Dora. I had not revealed myand whether she was not likely to come self in my altered character to Dora yet,' that day; and was so much disturbed, because she was coming to see Misr OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 297 Mills in a few days, and I deferred all I various pursuits had begun life by rehad to tell her until then; merely in- porting the debates in Parliament. forming her in my letters (all our Traddles having mentioned newspapers communications were secretly forwarded to me, as one of his hopes, I had put through Miss Mills), that I had much to the two things together, and told Tradtell her. In the mean time, I put my- dies in my letter that I wished to know self on a short allowance of bear's grease, how I could qualify myself for this purwholly abandoned scented soap and lav- suit. Traddles now informed me, as ender-water, and sold off three waist- the result of his inquiries, that the mere coats at a prodigious sacrifice, as being mechanical acquisition necessary, extoo luxurious for my stem career. cept in rare cases, for thorough excelNot satisfied with all these proceed- lence in it, that is to say, a perfect and ings, but burning with impatience to do entire command of the mystery of shortsomething more, I went to see Trad- hand writing and reading, was about dies, now lodging up behind the para- equal in difficulty to the mastery of six pet of a house in Castle Street, Hol- languages; and that it might perhaps born. Mr. Dick, who had been with be attained, by dint of perseverance, in me to Highgate twice already, and had the course of a few years. Traddles resumed his companionship with the reasonably supposed that this would Doctor. I took with me. settle the business; but I, only feeling I took Mr. Dick with me, because, that here indeed were a few tall trees to acutely sensitive to my aunt's reverses, be hewn down, immediately resolved to and sincerely believing that no galley- work my way on to Dora through this slave or convict worked as I did, he thicket, axe in hand. had begun to fret and worry himself "I am very much obliged to you, my out of spirits and appetite, as having dear Traddles!" said I. "I'11 begin nothing useful to do. In this condi- to-morrow." tion, he felt more incapable of finishing Traddles looked astonished, as he the Memorial than ever; and the hard- well might; but he had no notion as er he worked at it, the oftener that un- yet of my rapturous condition. lucky head of King Charles the First "I'11 buy a book," said I, "with a got into it. Seriously apprehending good scheme of this art in it; I'll that his malady would increase, unless work at it at the Commons, where I we put some innocent deception upon haven't half enough to do; I'11 take him and caused him to believe that he down the speeches in our court for pracwas useful, or unless we could put him tice. Traddles, my dear fellow, -I'11 in the way of being really useful (which master it!" would be better), I made up my mind to "Dear me," said Traddles, opening try if Traddles could help us. Before his eyes, "I had no idea you were we went, I wrote Traddles a full state- such a determined character, Copperment of all that had happened, and field!" Traddles wrote me back a capital an- I don't know how he should have swer, expressive of his sympathy and had, for it was new enough to me. I friendship. passed that off, and brought Mr. Dick We found him hard at work with his on the carpet. inkstand and papers, refreshed by the "You see," said Mr. Dick, wistfully, sight of the flowerpot-stand and the lit- "if I could exert myself, Mr. Traddles, tle:round table in a corner of the small - if I could beat a drum; or blow apartment. He received us cordially, anything!" and made friends with Mr. Dick in a Poor fellow! I have little doubt he moment. Mr. Dick professed an abso- would have preferred such an employlute certainty of having seen him be- ment in his heart to all others. Tradfore, and we both said, "Very likely." dles, who would not have smiled for The first subject on which I had to the world, replied composedly, - consult Traddles was this. I had "But you are a very good penman, heard that many men distinguished in sir. You told me so, Copperfield?" ag8 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Excellent " said I. And indeed took great care that he should have no he was. He wrote with extraordinary more to do than was good for him, and neatness. although he did not begin with the be"Don't you think," said Traddles, ginning of a week, he earned by the "you could copy writings, sir, if I got following Saturday night ten shillings them for you?" and nine pence; and never, while I Mr. Dick looked doubtfully at me. live, shall I forget his going about to'' Eh, Trotwood?" all the shops in the neighborhood to I shook my head. Mr. Dick shook change this treasure into sixpences, or his, and sighed. "Tell him about the his bringing them to my aunt arranged Memorial," said Mr. Dick. in the form of a heart upon a waiter, I explained to Traddles that there with tears of joy and pride in his eyes. was a difficulty in keeping King Charles He was like one under the propitious the First out of Mr. Dick's manu- influence of a charm, from the moment scripts; Mr. Dick in the mean while of his being usefully employed; and if looking very deferentially and seriously there were a happy man in the world, at Traddles, and sucking his thumb. that Saturday night, it was the grateful " But these writings, you know, that creature who thought my aunt the most I speak of, are already drawn up and wonderful woman in existence, and me finished," said Traddles after a little the most wonderful young man. consideration. "Mr. Dick has nothing "No starving now, Trotwood," said to do with them. Would n't that make Mr. Dick, shaking hands with me in a a difference, Copperfield? At all corner. "I'11 provide for her, sirI" events would n't it be well to try? " and he flourished his ten fingers in the This gave us new hope. Traddles air, as if they were ten banks. and I laying our heads together apart, I hardly know which was the better while Mr. Dick anxiously watched us pleased, Traddles or I. from his chair, we concocted a scheme "It really," said Traddles, suddenly, in virtue of which we got him to work taking a letter out of his pocket, and next day with triumphant success. giving it to me, "put Mr. M4cawber On a table by the window in Buck- quite out of my head! " ingham Street, we set out the work The letter (Mr. Micawber never Traddles procured for him, -which missed any possible opportunity of was to make, I forget how many copies writing a letter) was addressed to me, of a legal document about some right "By the kindness of T. Traddles, Esofway, - and on another table we spread quire, of the Inner Temple." It ran the last unfinished original of the great thus: - Memorial. Our instructions to Mr. Dick were that he should copy exactly "MY DEAR COPPERFIELD - what he had before him, without the "You may possibly not be unpreleast departure from the original; and pared to receive the intimation that that when he felt it necessary to make something has turned up. I may have the slightest allusion to King Charles mentioned to you on a former occasion the First, he should fly to the Memori- that I was in expectation of such an al. We exhorted him to be resolute in event. this, and left my aunt to observe him. " I am about to establish myself in My aunt reported to us, afterwards, one of the provincial towns of our fathat, at first, he was like a man playing vored island (where the society may be the kettle-drums, and constantly divid- described as a happy admixture of the ed his attentions between the two; but agricultural and the clerical), in immethat, finding this confuse and fatigue diate connection with one of the learned him, and having his copy there, plainly professions. Mrs. Micawber and our before his eyes, he soon sat at it in an offspring will accompany me. Our orderly, business-like manner, and post- ashes, at a future period, will probably poned the Memorial to a more con- be found commingled in the cemetery venient time. In a word, although we attached to a venerable pile, for which OF JDA VID COPPERFIELD. 299 the spot to which I refer has acquired dies find us on the brink of migratibn, a reputation, shall I say from China to and will excuse any little discomforts Peru? incidental to that position." "In bidding adieu to the modern Glancing round as I made a suitable Babylon, where we have undergone reply, I observed that the family effects many vicissitudes, I trust not ignobly, were already packed, and that the Mrs. Micawber and myself cannot dis- amount of luggage was by no means guise from our minds that we part, overwhelming. I congratulated Mrs. It may be for years and it may be Micawber on the approaching change. forever, with an individual linked by "My dear Mr. Copperfield," said strong associations to the altar of our Mrs. Micawber, "of your friendly indomestic life. If, on the eve of such a terest in all our affairs I am well asdeparture, you will accompany our mu- sured. My family may consider it bantual friend, Mr. Thomas Traddles, to ishment, if they please&-but I am a our present abode, and there recipro- wife and mother, and I never will decate the wishes natural to the occasion, sert Mr. Micawber." you will confer a Boon Traddles appealed to, by Mrs. Mi"On cawber's eye, feelingly acquiesced. "One "That," said Mrs. Micawber,I" Who " that, at least, is my view, my dear Mr. " Is Copperfield and Mr. Traddles, of the ob" Ever yours, ligation which I took upon myself when " WILKINS MICAWBER." I repeated the irrevocable words,'I, Emma, take thee, Wilkins.' I read the I was glad to find that Mr. Micawber service over with a flat candle on the had got rid of his dust and ashes, and previous night, and the conclusion I that something really had turned up at derived from it was, that I never could last. Learning from Traddles that the desert Mr. Micawber. And," said invitation referred to the evening then Mrs. Micawber, "though it is possible wearing away, I expressed my readiness I may be mistaken in my view of the to do honor to it; and we went off to- ceremony, I never will! " gether to the lodging which Mr. Mi- " My dear," said Mr. Micawber a litcawber occupied as Mr. Mortimer, and tle impatiently, "I am not conscious which was situated near the top of the - that you are expected to do anything of Gray's Inn Road. the sort." The resources of this lodging were so " I am aware, my dear Mr. Copperlimited, that we found the twins, now field," pursued Mrs. Micawber, "that some eight or nine years old, reposing I am now about to cast my lot among in a turn-up bedstead in the family sit- strangers; and I am also aware that ting-room, where Mr. Micawber had the various members of my family, to prepared, in a wash-hand-stand jug, whom Mr. Micawber has written in the what he called a " Brew" of the agree- most gentlemanly terms, announcing able beverage for which he was famous. that fact, have not taken the least noI had the pleasure, on this occasion, of tice of Mr. Micawber's communication. renewing the acquaintance of Master Indeed I may be superstitious," said Micawber, whom I found a promising Mrs. Micawber, "but it appears to me boy of about twelve or thirteen, very that Mr. Micawber is destined never to subject to that restlessness of limb receive any answers whatever to the which is not an unfrequent phenome- great majority of the communications non in youths of his age. I also be- he writes. I may augur from the silence Came once more known to his sister, of my family, that they object to the Miss Micawber, in whom, as Mr. Mi- resolution I have taken; but I should cawber told us, " her mother renewed not allow myself to be swerved from the her youth, like the Phcenix." path of duty, Mr. Copperfield, even by "My dear Copperfield," said Mr. my papa and mamma, were they sti MAicawWbe "yourself and Mr. Trad- living." 300 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I expressed my opinion that this was greater part of the observations made going in the right direction. that evening, were interrupted by Mrs. "It may be a sacrifice," said Mrs. Micawber's discovering that Master Micawber, "to immure one's self in a Micawberwas sitting on his boots, or Cathedral town; but surely, Mr. Cop- holding his head on with both arms as perfield, if it is a sacrifice in me, it is if he felt it loose, or accidentally kickmuch more a sacrifice in a man of Mr. ing Traddles under the table, or shufMicawber's abilities." fling his feet over one another, or pro"O, you are going to a Cathedral ducmg them at distances from himself town?" said I. apparently outrageous to nature, or lyMr. Micawber, who had been helping ing sideways with his hair among the us all, -out of the wash-hand-stand jug, wine-glasses, or developing his restlessreplied, - ness of limb in some other form incom"To Canterbury. In fact, my dear patible with the general interests of Copperfield, I have entered into ar- society; and by Master Micawber's rangements, by virtue of which I stand receiving those discoveries in a resentpledged and contracted to our friend ful spirit. I sat all the while, amazed Heep, to assist and serve him in the by Mr. Micawber's disclosure, and woncapacity of- and to be - his confiden- dering what it meant; until Mrs. Mitial clerk." cawber resumed the thread of the disI stared at Mr. Micawber, who great- course, and claimed my attention. ly enjoyed my surprise. "What I particularly -request Mr. " am bound to state to you," he Micawber to be careful of is," said said, with an official air, "that the busi- Mrs. Micawber, " that he does not, myl ness habits, and the prudent sugges- dear Mr. Copperfield, in applying himtions, of Mrs. Micawber, have in a great self to this subordinate branch of the measure conduced to this result. The law, place it out of his power to rise, gauntlet, to which Mrs. Micawber re- ultimately, to the top of the tree. I amferred upon a former occasion, being convinced that Mr. Micawber, giving thrown down in the form of an adver- his mind to a profession -so adapted to tisement, was taken up by my friend his fertile resources, and his flow of Heep, and led to a mutual recognition. language, must distinguish himself. Of my friend Heep," said Mr. Micaw- Now, for example, Mr. Traddles," said ber, "who is a man of remarkable Mrs. Micawber, assuming a profound shrewdness, I desire to speak with all air, " a Judge, or even say a Chancelpossible respect. My friend Heep has lor. Does an individual place himself not fixed the positive remuneration at beyond the pale of those preferments too high a figure, but he has made a by entering on such an office as Mr, great deal, in the way of extrication Micawber has accepted?" from the pressure of pecuniary difficul-'My dear," observed Mr. Micawties, contingent on the value of my ser- ber, but glancing inquisitively at Tradvices; and on.the value of those servi- dies, too; "we have time enough beces I pin my faith. Such address and fore us, for the consideration of those intelligence as I chance to possess," questions." said Mr. Micawber, boastfully dispar- "Micawber," she returned, "no I aging himself, with the old genteel air. Your mistake in life is, that you do not "will be devoted to my friend Heep's look forward far enough. You are service. I have already some acquaint- bound in justice to your family, if not ance with the law, - as a defendant on to yourself, to take in at a comprehencivil process, -and I shall immediately sive glance the extremest point in the apply myself to the Commentaries of horizon to which your abilities may lead one of the most eminent and remarka- you." ble of our English Jurists. I believe it Mr. Micawber coughed, and drank is unnecessary to add that I allude to his punch with an air of exceeing satMr. Justice Blackstone." isfaction, -still glancing at TrdAlies, These observations, and indeed the as if he desired to-have his'opiu6f. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 30o "Why, the plain state of the case, my intention, my dear Copperfield, to Mrs.. Micawber," said Traddles, mild- educate my son for the Church; I will ly breaking the truth to her, " I mean not deny that I should be happy, on the real prosaic fact, you know -" his account, to attain to eminence." "Just so," said Mrs. Micawber, "my "For the Church?" said I, still dear Mr. Traddles, I wish to be as pondering, between whiles, on Uriah prosaic and literal as possible on a sub- Heep. ject of so much importance." "Yes," said Mr. Micawber. "He'-Is," said Traddles, "that this has a remarkable head-voice, and will branch of the law, even if Mr. Micaw- commence as a chorister. Our resiber were a regular solicitor -" dence at Canterbury, and our local con" Exactly so," returned Mrs. Micaw- nection, will, no doubt, enable him to ber. ("Wilkins, you are squinting, take advantage of any vacancy that and will not be able to get your eyes may arise in the Cathedral corps." back.") On looking at Master Micawber again, "- as nothing," pursued Traddles, I saw that he had a certain expression " to do with that. Only a barrister is of face, as if his voice were behind his eligible for such preferments; and Mr. eyebrows; where it presently appeared Micawber could not be a barrister, to be, on his singing us (as an alterwithout being entered at an inn of court native between that and bed); "The as a student, for five years." Woodpecker tapping." After many; Do I follow you?" said Mrs. Mi- compliments on this performance, we cawber, with her most affable air of fell into some general conversation; and business. " Do I understand, my dear as I was too full of my desperate intenMr. Traddles, that, at the expiration of tions to keep my altered circumstances that period, Mr. Micawber would be to myself, I made them known to Mr. eligible as a Judge or Chancellor?" and Mrs. Micawber. I cannot express "He would be eligible," returned how extremely delighted they both Traddles, with a strong emphasis on were, by the idea of my aunt's being that word. in difficulties; and how comfortable and " Thank you," said Mrs. Micawber. friendly it made them. "That is quite sufficient. If such is When we were nearly come to the the case, and Mr. Micawber forfeits no last round of the punch, I addressed privilege by entering on these duties, myself to Traddles, and reminded him' my anxiety is set at rest. I speak," that we must not separate, without wishsaid Mrs. Micawber, "as a female, ing our friends health, happiness, and necessarily; but I have always been of success in their new career. I begged opinion that Mr. Micawber possesses Mr. Micawber to fill us bumpers, and what I have heard my papa call, when proposed the toast in due form: shaking I lived at home, the judicial mind; and hands with him across the table, and I hope Mr. Micawber is now entering kissing Mrs. Micawber, to commemo-. on a field where that mind will develop rate that eventful occasion. Traddles itself, and take a commanding station." imitated me in the first particular, but I quite believe that Mr. Micawber did not consider himself a sufficiently saw himself, in his judicial mind's eye, old friend to venture on the second. on thewoolsack. He passed his hand "My dear Copperfield," said Mr. complacently over his bald head, and Micawber, rising with one of his said with ostentatious resignation: - thumbs in each of his waistcoat pockets,' "'My dear, we will not anticipate the "the companion of my youth: if I may decrees of fortune. If I am reserved be allowed the expression-and my to wear a wig, I am at least prepared, esteemed friend Traddles: if I may externally," in allusion to his baldness, be permitted to call him so - will allow "for that distinction. I do not," said me, on the part of Mrs. Micawber, Mr. Micawber, "regret my hair, and I myself, and our offspring, to thank may have been deprived of it for a them in the warmest and most uncomspttificpurpose. I cannot say. It is promising terms for their good wishes.' 302 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE It may be expected that on the eve of a half. AIy friend Copperfield will a migration which will consign us to a perhaps Ao me the favor to check that perfectly new existence," Mr. Micawber total? " spoke as if they were going five hundred I di4so and found it correct. thousand miles, "I should offer a few "TIp leave this metropolis," said Mr. valedictory remarks to two such friends Micaqvber, " and my friend Mr. Thomas as I see before me. But all that I have Trarldles, without acquitting myself of to say in this way, I have said. What- thetfecuniary part of this obligation, ever station in society I may attain, wld weigh upon my mind to an through the medium of the learned supportable extent. I have, thereprofession of which I am about to be- re, prepared for my friend Mr. Thomas come an unworthy member, I shall Traddles, and I now hold in my hand, endeavor not to disgrace, and Mrs. a document, which accomplishes the Micawber will be safe to adorn. Under- desired object. I beg to hand to my the temporary pressure of pecuniary friend Mr. Thomas Traddles my I. O. liabilities, contracted with a view fo U. for forty-one, ten, eleven and a half; their immediate liquidation, but remftn- and I am happy to recover my moral ing unliquidated through a combintion dignity, and to know that I can once of circumstances, I have been under more walk erect before my fellow-man!" the necessity of assuming a garb from With this introduction (which greatly which my natural instincts recpil,- I affected him), Mr. Micawber placed his allude to spectacles, - and possessing I.. U. in the hands of Traddles, and myself of a cognomen, to which I can said he wished him well in every relaestablish no legitimate pretensions. tion in life. I am persuaded, not only All I have to say on that score is, that that this was quite the same to Mr. the cloud has passed from the dreary Micawber as paying the money, but scene, and the God of Day is once that Traddles himself hardly knew the more high upon the mountain-tops. difference until he had had time to think On Monday next, on the arrival of the about it. four o'clock afternoon coach at Canter- Mr. Micawber walked so erect before bury, my foot will be on my native his fellow-man, on the strength of this heath, - my name, Micawber!" virtuous action, that his chest looked Mr. Micawber resumed his seat on half as broad again when he lighted us the close of these remarks, and drank down stairs. We parted with great two glasses of punch in grave succes- heartiness on both sides; and when I sion. He then said with much solem- hatd seen Traddles to his own door, and nity - was going home alone, I thought, among "One thing more I have to do, be- thither odd and contradictory things fore this separation is complete, and itnused upon, that, slippery as Mr. that is to perform an act of justice. My'Micawber was, I was probably indebted friend Mr. Thomas Traddles has, on to some compassionate recollection he two several occasions,'put his name,' refained of me as his boy lodger, for if I may use a common expression, to never having been asked by him for bills of exchange for my accommodation. money. I certainly should not have On the first occasion Mr. Thomas Trad- had the moral courage to refuse it; and dies was left-let me say, in short, in I have'no doubt he knew that (to his the lurch. The fulfilment of the second credit be:it written) quite as well as I has not yet arrived. The amount of did. the first obligation," here Mr. Micawher carefully referred to papers, "was, I believe, twenty-three, four, nine and CHAPTER XXXVII. a half; of the second, according to my entry of that transaction, eighteen, six, A LITTLE COLD WATER. two. These sums, united, make a total, if my calculation is correct, MY new life had lasted for more than amounting to forty-one, ten, eleven and a week, and I was stronger than ever OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 303 in those tremendous practical resolu- My aunt, being uncommonly neat tions that I felt the crisis required. I and ingenious, made so many little imcontinued to walk extremely fast, and provements in our domestic arrangeto have a general idea that I was get- ments, that I seemed to be richer inting on. I made it a rule to take as stead of poorer. Among the rest, she much out of myself as I possibly could, converted the pantry into a dressingin my way of doing everything to which room for me; and purchased and emI applied my energies. I made a per- bellished a bedstead for my occupation, fect victim of myself. I even enter- which looked as like a bookcase in the tained some idea of putting myself on'a daytime as a bedstead could. I was vegetable diet, vaguely conceiving that,- the object of her constant solicitude; in becoming a graminivorous animal, I and my poor mother herself could not should sacrifice to Dora. have loved me better, or studied more As yet, little Dora was quite uncon- how to make me happy. scious of my desperate firmness, other, Peggotty had considered herself highwise than as my letters darkly shad- ly privileged in being allowed to particiowed it forth. But another Saturday pate in these labors; and, although she came, and on that Saturday evening still retained something of her old senshe was to be at Miss Mills's; and timent of awe in reference to my aunt, when Mr. Mills had gone to his whist- had received so many marks of enclub (telegraphed to me in the street, couragement and confidence, that they by a bird-cage in the drawing-room were the best friends possible. But middle window), I was to go there to the time had now come (I am speaking tea. of the Saturday when I was to take tea By this time, we were quite settled at Miss Mills's) when it-was necessary down in Buckingham Street, where for her to return home, and enter on Mr. Dick continued his copying in a the discharge of the duties she had unstate of absolute felicity. My aunt had dertaken in behalf of Ham. " So good obtained a signal victory over Mrs. by, Barkis," said my aunt, "and take Crupp, by paying her off, throwing the care of yourself! I am sure I never first pitcher she planted on the stairs thought I could be sorry to lose you!" out of window, and protecting in per- I took Peggotty to the coach-office, son, up and down the staircase, a su- and saw her off. She cried at parting, pernumerary whom she engaged from and confided her brother to my friendthe outer world. These vigorous meas- ship as Ham had done. We had heard ures struck such terror to the breast of nothing of him since he went away, Mrs. Crupp, that she subsided into her that sunny afternoon. own kitchen, under the impression that "And now, my own dear Davy," my aunt was mad. My aunt being su- said Peggotty, "if, while you're a prenpremely indifferent to Mrs. Crupp's tice, you should want any money to opinion and everybody else's, and rath- spend; or if, when you're out of your er favoring than discouraging the idea, time, my dear, you should want any to Mrs. Crupp, of late the'bold, became set you up (and you must do one or within a few days so faint-hearted, that other, or both, my darling); who has rather than encounter my aunt upon such a good right to ask leave to lend it the staircase, she would endeavor to you, as my sweet girl's own old stupid hide her portly form behind doors, — me?" leaving visible, however, a wide margin I was not so savagely independent as of flannel petticoat, -or would shrink t say anything in reply, but that if ever into dark corners. This gave my aunt I borrowed money 6f any one, I would such unspeakable satisfaction, that I borrow it of her. Next to accepting a believe she took a delight in prowling large sum on the spot, I believe this up and down, with her bonnet insanely gave Peggotty more comfort than anyperched on the top of her head, at thing I could have done. times when Mrs. Crupp was likely to "And, my dear!" whispered Pegbe in the way. gotty, "tell the pretty little angel that 304 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I should so have liked to see her, only licious way in the world to me, but it for a minute! And tell her that before was necessary to be explicit, and I solshe marries my boy, I'11 come and emnly repeated, - make your house so beautiful for you, "Dora, my own life, I am your if you'11 let me!" ruined David! " I declared that nobody else should " I declare I'11 make Jip bite you I" touch it; and this gave Peggotty such said Dora, shaking her curls, "if you delight, that she went away in good are so ridiculous." spirits. But I looked so serious, that Dora I fatigued myself as much as I possi- left off shaking her curls, and laid her bly could in the Commons all day, by a trembling little hand upon my shoulder, variety of devices, and at the appointed and first looked scared and anxious, time in the evening repaired to Mr. then began to cry. That was dreadful. Mills's street. Mr. Mills, who was a I fell upon my knees before the sofa, terrible fellow to fall asleep after dinner, caressing her and imploring her not to had not yet gone out, and there was no rend my heart; but, for some time, poor bird-cage in the middle window. little Dora did nothing but exclaim 0 He kept me waiting so long, that I dear! 0 dear! And 0, she was so fervently hoped the club would fine him frightened! And where was Julia Mills for being late. At last he came out; And 0, take her to Julia Mills, and go and then I saw my own Dora hang up away, please! until I was almost bethe bird-cage, and peep into the bal- side myself. cony to look for me, and run in again At last, after an agony of supplication when she saw I was there, while Jip and protestation, I got Dora to look at remained behind, to bark injuriously me, with a horrified expression of face, at an immense butcher's dog in the which I gradually soothed until it was street, who could have taken him like only loving, and her soft pretty cheek a pill. was lying against mine. Then I told Dora came to the drawing-room door her, with my arms clasped round her, to meet me; and Jip came scrambling how I loved her, so dearly, and so dearout, tumbling over his own growls, un- ly; how I felt it right to offer to release der the impression that I was a Bandit; her from her engagement, because now and we all three went in, as happy and I was poor; how I never could bear it, loving as could be. I soon carried des- or recover it, if I lost her; how I had olation into the bosom of our joys, - no fears of poverty, if she had none, my not that I meant to do it, but that I was arm being nerved and my heart inspired so full of the subject, -by asking Dora, by her; how I was already working with without the smallest preparation, if she a courage such as none but lovers knew; could love a beggar? how I had begun to be practical, and to My pretty, little, startled Dora! Her look into the future: how a crust well only association with the word was a earned was sweeter far than a feast inyellow face and a nightcap, or a pair of herited; and much more to the same crutches, or a wooden leg, or a dog with purpose, which I delivered in a burst of a decanter-stand in his mouth, or some- passionate eloquence quite surprising to thing of that kind; and she stared at myself, though I had been thinking me with the most delightful wonder. about it, day and night, ever since my "How can you ask me anything so aunt had astonished me. foolish?" pouted Dora. "Love a beg- "Is your heart mine still, dear Dogar!" ra?" said I, rapturously, for I knew by "Dora, my own dearest I" said I. her clinging to me that it was. "I am a beggar!" "O yes!" cried Dora. " O yes, it's " How can you be such a silly thing," all yours. 0, don't be dreadful!" replied Dora, slapping my hand, " as to I dreadful! To Dora! sit there, telling such stories? I'11 "Don't talk about being poor, and make Jip bite you!" working hard!" said Dora, nestling Her childish way was the most de- closer to me. "0 don't, don't I" OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 305 "My dearest love," said I, "the as she bade me, -rewarding myself afcrust well earned-" terwards for my obedience, -and she "O yes; but I don't want to hear charmed me out of my graver character any more about crusts!" said Dora. for I don't know how long. "And Jip must have a mutton-chop "But, Dora, my beloved!" said I, at every day at twelve, or he'11 die! " last resuming it; "I was going to menI was charmed with her childish, tion something." winning way. I fondly explained to The Judge of the Prerogative Court Dora that Jip should have his mutton- might have fallen in love with her, to chop with his accustomed regularity. see her fold her little hands and hold I drew a picture of our frugal home, them up, begging and praying me not made independent by my labor, - to be dreadful any more. sketching in the little house I had seen "Indeed I am not going to be, my at Highgate, and my aunt in her room darling!" I assured her. "But, Dora, up stairs. my love, if you will sometimes think,"I am not dreadful now, Dora?" not despondingly, you know; far from said I, tenderly. that!- but if you will sometimes think' 0 no, no i" cried Dora. "But I -just to encourage yourself- that you hope your aunt will keep in her own are engaged to a poor man-" room a good deal! And I hope she's "Don't, don't I Pray don't! " cried not a scolding old thing! " Dora. " It's so very dreadful! " If it were possible for me to love Dora " My soul, not at all! " said I, cheermore than ever, I am sure I did. But fully. " If you will sometimes think of I felt she was a little impracticable. It that, and look about now and then at damped my new-born ardor, to find that your papa's housekeeping, and endeavardor so difficult of communication to or to acquire a little habit -of acher. I made another trial. When she counts, for instance-" was quite herself again, and was curl- Poor little Dora received this suging Jip's ears, as he lay upon her lap, gestion with something that was half a I became grave, and said, - sob and half a scream. " My own! May I mention some- "- It would be so useful to us afterthing?" wards," I went on. "And if you "0, please don't be practical!" said would promise me to read a little,-a Dora, coaxingly. " Because it frightens little cookery-book that I would send me so! " you, it would be so excellent for both of " Sweet heart! " I returned; "there us. For our path in life, my Dora," is nothing to alarm you in all this. I said I, warming with the subject, "is want you to think of it quite differently. stony and rugged now, and it rests with I want to make it nerve you, and inspire us to smooth it. We must fight our you, Dora " way onward. We must be brave. "0, but that's so shocking!" cried There are obstacles to be met, and we Dora. must meet and crush them! " "My love, no. Perseverance and I was going on at a great rate, with a strength of character will enable us to clenched hand, and a most enthusiastic bear much worse things." countenance; but it was quite unneces"But I haven'tgot any strength at sary to proceed. I had said enough. all," said Dora, shaking her curls. I had done it again. 0, she was so " Have I, Jip? 0, do kiss Jip, and be frightened! 0, where was Julia Mills! agreeable! " 0, take her to Julia Mills, and go away, It was impossible to resist kissing please! So that, in short, I was quite Jip, when she held him up to me for distracted, and raved about the drawthat purpose, putting her own bright, ing-room. rosy little mouth into kissing form, as I thought I had killed her, this time. she directed the operation, which she I sprinkled water on her face. I went imsisted should be performed symmetri- down on my knees. I plucked at my cally, on the-centre of his nose. I did hair. I denounced myselfas a remorse20 306 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE less brute, and a ruthless beast. I im- I said to Miss Mills that this was plored her forgiveness. I besought her very true, and who should know it betto look up. I ravaged Miss Mills's ter than I, who loved Dora with a love work-box for a smelling-bottle, and in that never mortal had experienced yet. my agony of mind applied an. ivory But on Miss Mills observing, with deneedle-case instead, and drlped all spondency, that it were well indeed for the needles over Dora. I shook my some hearts if this were so, I explained fists at Jip, who was as frantic as my- that I begged leave to restrict the ob self. I did every wild extravagance servation to mortals of the masculine that could be done, and was a long way gender. beyond the end of my wits when Miss I then put it to Miss Mills, to sa3 Mills came into the room. whether she considered that there wa; "Who has done this! " exclaimed or was not any practical merit in the Miss Mills, succoring her friend. suggestion I had been anxious to make I replied, "I, Miss Mills! I have concerning the accounts, the house done it I Behold the destroyer 1"- keeping, and the cookery-book? or words to that effect, —and hid my Miss Mills, after some consideration face from the light, in the sofa-cush- thus replied:ion. "Mr. Copperfield, I will be plair At first Miss Mills thought it was a with you. Mental suffering and tria quarrel, and that we were verging on supply, in some natures, the place o the Desert of Sahara; but she soon years, and I will be as plain with yos found out how matters stood, for my as if I were a Lady Abbess. No. Th( dear affectionate' little Dora, embracing suggestion is not appropriate to ou; her, began exclaiming that I was "a Dora. Our dearest Dora is a favorite poor laborer"; and then cried for me, child of nature. She is a thing of light and embraced me, and asked me would and airiness, and joy. I am free t( I let her give me all her money to keep, confess that if it could be done, it migh and then fell on Miss Mills's neck, be. well, but -" And Miss Mill; sobbing as if her tender heart were shook her head. broken. I was encouraged by this closing ad Miss Mills must have been born to mission on the part of Miss Mills t be a blessing to us. She ascertained ask her, whether, for Dora's sake, i from me in a few words what it was all she had any opportunity of luring he: about, comforted Dora, and gradually attention to such preparations for at convinced her that I was not a laborer, earnest life, she would avail herself o -from my manner of stating the case it? Miss Mills replied in the affirma I believe Dora concluded that I was a tive so readily, that I further asked hei navigator, and went balancing myself if she would take charge of the cook up and down a plank all day with a cry-book: and, if she ever could in wheelbarrow, -and so brought us to- sinuate it upon Dora's acceptance, with, gether in peace. When we were quite out frightening her, undertake to do mt composed, and Dora had gone up stairs that crowning service. Miss Mills ac to put some rose-water to her eyes, cepted this trust, too; but was not san Miss Mills rang for tea. In the ensu- gune. ing interval, I told Miss Mills that she And Dora returned, looking such z was evermore my friend, and that my lovely little creature, that I reall heart must cease to vibrate ere I could doubted whether she ought to be trouforget her sympathy. bled with anything so ordinary. Anc I then expounded to Miss Mills what she loved me so much, and was sc I had endeavored, so very unsuccess- captivating (particularly when she made fully, to expound to Dora. Miss Mills Jip stand on his hind legs for toast, anc replied, on general principles, that the when she pretended to hold that nose o: cottage of content was better than the his against the hot teapot for punishfalace of cold splendor, and that where ment because he would n't), that I fell ove was, all was. like a sort of Monster who had gol / /: [' ii~~~~~~~~~~.? II, DiiL ii~ ~DR AN MISS MILS OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 307 into a Fairy's bower, when I thought culty, until I used to fancy that my of having frightened her, and made head was turning quite gray. her cry. After tea we had the guitar; and Dora sang those same dear old French songs about the impossibility of ever CHAPTER XXXVIII. Dn any account leaving off dancing, La ra la, La ra la, until I felt a much A DISSOLUTION OF PARTNERSHIP. greater Monster than before. We had only one check to our pleas- I DID not allow my resolution, with are, and that happened a little while be- respect to the Parliamentary Debates, Fore I took my leave, when, Miss Mills to cool. It was one of the irons I be-:hancing to make some allusion to to- gan to heat immediately, and one of the morrow morning, I unluckily let out irons I kept hot, and hammered at, that being obliged to exert myself now, with a perseverance I may honestly ad[ got up at five o'clock. Whether Do- mire. I bought an approved scheme of ra had any idea that I was a Private the noble art and mystery of stenogWatchman, I am unable to say; but raphy (which cost me ten and six-.t made a great impression on her, pence); and plunged into a sea of pernd she neither played nor sang any plexity that brought me, in a few weeks, nore. to the confines of distraction. The It was still on her mind when I bade changes that were rung upon dots, ier adieu; and she said to me, in her which in such a position meant such a )retty, coaxing way,-as if I were a thing, and in such another position loll, I used to think! something else, entirely different; the "Now don't get up at five o'clock, wonderful vagaries that were played by mou naughty boy. It's so nonsensi- circles; the unaccountable consequen-:al!" ces that resulted from marks like flies' " My love," said I, " I have work to legs; the tremendous effects of a curve lo." in a wrong place, - not only troubled my "But don't do it!" returned Dora. waking hours, but reappeared before'Why should you?" me in my sleep. When I had groped It was impossible to say to that sweet my way, blindly, through these diffiittle surprised face, otherwise than light- culties, and had mastered the alphabet, y and playfully, that we must work, to which was an Egyptian Temple in itive. self, there then appeared a procession "Oh! How ridiculous!" cried Dora. of new horrors, called arbitrary char" How shall we live without, Dora?" acters; the most despotic characters I;aid I. have ever known; who insisted, for in" How? Any how! " said Dora. stance, that a thing like the beginning She seemed to think she had quite of a cobweb, meant expectation, and;ettled the question, and gave me such that a pen-and-ink sky-rocket stood for t triumphant little kiss, direct from her disadvantageous. When I had fixed nnocent heart, that I would hardly have these wretches in my mind, I found Hut her out of conceit with her answer, that they had driven everything else or a fortune. out of it; then, beginning again, I forWell! I loved her, and I went on got them; while I was picking them up, oving her, most absorbingly, entirely, I dropped the other fragments of the Lnd completely. But going on, too, system; in short, it was almost heartvorking pretty hard, and busily keep- breaking. ng red hot all the irons I now had in It might have been quite heart-breakhe fire, I would sit sometimes of a ing, but for Dora. who was the stay light, opposite my aunt, thinking how and anchor of my tempest-driven bark. had frightened Dora that time, and Every scratch in the scheme was a low, I could best make my way with a gnarled oak in the forest of difficulty,;uitar-case through the forest of diffi- and I went on cutting them dpwmn, one s3q PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE after another, with such vigor, that in gentleman) to follow lustily with th. three or four months I was in a condi- same cry. But Mr. Dick got taxei tion to make an experiment on one of with such things in the course of hi our crack speakers in the Commons. parliamentary career, and was mad Shall I ever forget how the crack responsible for such awful consequen speaker walked off from me before I ces, that he became uncomfortable i began, and left my imbecile pencil his mind sometimes. I believe he at staggering about the paper as if it were tually began to be afraid he really ha in a fit! been doing something, tending to th This would not do, it was quite clear. annihilation of the British Constitutior I was flying too high, and should never and the ruin of the country. get on so. I resorted to Traddles for Often and often we pursued these d( advice; who suggested that he should bates until the clock pointed to mic dictate speeches to me, at a pace, and night, and the candles were burnin with occasional stoppages, adapted to down. The result of so much goo my weakness. Very grateful for this practice was, that by and by I bega friendly aid, I accepted the proposal; to keep pace with Traddles pretty wel and night after night, almost every and should have been quite triumphal night, for a long time, we had a sort if I had had the least idea what rr of private Parliament in Buckingham notes were about. But, as to readir Street, after I came home from the them after I had got them, I might t Doctor's. A well have copied the Chinese inscril I should like to see such a Parlia- tions on an immense collection of te; ment anywhere else! My aunt and chests, or the golden characters on a Mr. Dick represented the Government the great red and green bottles in tl or the Opposition (as the case might chemists' shops! be), and Traddles, with the assistance There was nothing for it, but to tui of Enfield's Speaker or a volume of back and begin all over again. It w; parliamentary orations, thundered as- very hard, but I turned back, thoug tonishing invectives against them. with a heavy heart, and began labor Standing by the table, with his finger in ously and methodically to plod over tl the page to keep the place, and his same tedious ground at a snail's pace right arm flourishing above his head, stopping to examine minutely eve: Traddles, as Mr. Pitt, Mr. Fox, Mr. speck in the way, on all sides, anddmal Sheridan, Mr. Burke, Lord Castlereagh, ing the most desperate efforts to kno Viscount Sidmouth, or Mr. Canning, these elusive characters by sight whe would work himself*into the most vio- ever I met them. I was always pun lent heats, and deliver the most wither- tual at the office; at the Doctor's to( ing denunciations of the profligacy and and I really did work, as the commc corruption of my aunt and Mr. Dick; expression is, like a cart-horse. while I used to sit, at a little distance, One day, when I went to the Cor with my note-book on my knee, fag- mons as usual, I found Mr. Spenlow ging after him with all my might and the doorway looking extremely grav main. The inconsistency and reckless- and talking to himself. As he was ness of Traddles were not to be ex- the habit of complaining of pains in h ceeded by any real politician. He was head, - he had naturally a short thro; for any description of policy, in the and I do seriously believe he ove compass of a week; and nailed all sorts starched himself, - Iwas at first alarm( of colors to every denomination of by the idea that he was not quite rig mast. My aunt, looking very like an in that direction; but he soon relieve immovable Chancellor of the Excheq- my uneasiness. uer, would occasionally throw in an Instead of returning my "GoQ interruption or two, as "Hear!" or morning" with his usual affability, I "No!" or "O!" when the text looked at me in a distant, ceremonio seemed to require it: which was always manner, and coldly requested me a signal to Mr. Dick (a perfect country. -accompany him to a certain coffe OF' DA VID COPPERFIELD. 309 louse, which in those days had a door such phrases at the top, as "My ever )pening into the Commons, just within dearest and own Dora," "My best:he little archway in St. Paul's church- beloved angel," "My blessed one forrard. I complied, in a very uncomforta- ever," and the like, blushed deeply, )le state, and with a warm shooting all and inclined my head. ver me, as if my apprehensions were " No, thank you! " said Mr. Spenlow, )realing out into buds. When I al- coldly, as I mechanically offered them owed him to go on a little before, on back to him. "I will not deprive you of Lccount of the narrowness of the way, I them. Miss Murdstone, be so good as )bserved that he carried his head with to proceed! ". lofty air that was particularly unprom- That gentle creature, after a moment's sing; and my mind misgave me that thoughtful survey of the carpet, delivle had found out about my darling Dora. ered herself with much dry unction as If I had not guessed this, on the way follows - o the coffee-house, I could hardly have "I must confess to having entertained ailed to know what was the matter my suspicions of Miss Spenlow, in refvhen I followed him into an up-stairs erence to David Copperfield, for some oom, and found Miss Murdstone there, time. I observed Miss Spenlow and upported by a background of side- David Copperfield when they first met;,oard, on which were several inverted and the impression made upon me then umblers sustaining lemons, and two of was not agreeable. The depravity of hose extraordinary boxes, all corners the human heart is such-" nd flutings, for sticking knives and "You will oblige me, ma'am," inter3rks in, which, happily for mankind, rupted Mr. Spenlow, "by confining re now obsolete. yourself to facts." Miss Murdstone gave me her chilly Miss Murdstone cast down her eyes, nger-nails, and sat severely rigid. Mr. shook her head as if protesting against;penlow shut the door, motioned me this unseemly interruption, and with a a chair, and stood on the hearth-rug frowning dignity resumed:i front of the fireplace. "Since I am to confine myself to "Have the goodness to show Mr. facts, I will state them as dryly as I.opperfield," said Mr. Spenlow, "what can. Perhaps that will be considered ou have in your reticule, Miss Murd- an acceptable course of proceeding. I tone." have already said, sir, that I have had I believe it was the old identical steel- my suspicions of Miss Spenlow, in reflasped reticule of my childhood, that erence to David Copperfield, for some hut up like a bite. Compressing her time. I have frequently endeavored to ps, in sympathy with the snap, Miss find decisive corroboration of those susIlurdstone opened it, - opening her picions, but without effect. I have iouth a little at the same time, - and therefore forborne to mention them to roduced my last letter to Dora, teeni- Miss Spenlow's father"; looking seig with expressions of devoted affec- verely at him; "knowing how little on. disposition there usually is in such "I believe that is your writing, Mr. cases, to acknowledge the conscientious:opperfield?" said Mr. Spenlow. discharge of duty." I was very hot, and the voice I heard Mr. Spenlow seemed quite cowed by *as very unlike mine, when I said, "It thegentlemanlysternness of Miss Murd-, sir! " stone's manner, and deprecated her se"If I am not mistaken," said Mr. verity with a conciliatory little wave of penlowv, as Miss Murdstone brought his hand. parcel of letters out of her reticule, "On my return to Norwood, after ed round with the dearest bit of blue the period of absence occasioned by bbon, " those are also from your pen, my brother's marriage,"' pursued Miss Ir. Copperfield?" Murdstone in a disdainful voice, "and I took them from her with a most on the return of Miss Spenlow from esolate sensation; and, glancing at her visit to her friend Miss Mills, I; 3Io PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE imagined that the manner of Miss looked as if she might be broken, but Spenlow gave me greater occasion for could never be bent. suspicion than before. Therefore I " You have heard Miss Murdstone," watched Miss Spenlow closely." said Mr. Spenlow, turning to me. "I Dear, tender little Dora, so uncon- beg to ask, Mr. Copperfield, if you have scious of this Dragon's eye. anything to say in reply? " "Still," resumed Miss Murdstone, The picture I had before me, of the " I found no proof until last night. It beautiful little treasure of my heart, sobappeared to me that Miss Spenlow re- bing and crying all night, - of her being ceived too many letters from her friend alone, frightened, and wretched, then, Miss Mills; but Mills being her friend - of her having so piteously begged with her father's full concurrence," and prayed that stony-hearted woman another telling blow at Mr. Spenlow, to forgive her, - of her having vainly "it was not for me to interfere. If I offered those kisses, work-boxes, and may not be permitted to allude to the trinkets, - of her being in such grievous natural depravity of the human heart, distress, and all for me, - very much at least I may - I must - be permitted, impaired the little dignity I had been so far to refer to misplaced confi- able to muster. I am afraid I was in dence." a tremulous state for a minute or so, Mr. Spenlow apologetically mur- though I did my best to disguise it. mured his assent. "There is nothing I can say, sir," I "Last evening after tea," pursued returned, "except that all the blame is Miss Murdstone, " I observed the little mine. Dora-" dog starting, rolling, and growling about " Miss Spenlow, if you please," said the drawing-room, worrying something. her father, majestically. I said to Miss Spenlow,'Dora, what is "-was induced and persuaded by that the dog has in his mouth? It's me," I went on, swallowing that coldet paper.' Miss Spenlow immediately put designation, "to consent to this conher hand to her frock, gave a sudden cealment, and I bitterly regret it." cry, and ran to the dog. I interposed, "You are very much to blame, sir," and said.' Dora, my love, you must per- said Mr. Spenlow, walking to and frc mit me.'" upon the hearth-rug, and emphasizing 0 Jip, miserable Spaniel, this wretch- what he said with his whole body inedness, then, was your work! stead of his head, on account of the "Miss Spenlow endeavored," said stiffness of his cravat and spine. "You Miss Murdstone, "to bribe me with have done a stealthy and unbecoming kisses, work-boxes, and small articles action, Mr. Copperfield. When I take of jewelry - that, of course, I pass a gentleman to my house, no mattel over. The little dog retreated under whether he is nineteen, twenty-nine, o0 the sofa on my approaching him, and ninety, I take him there in a spirit o: was with great difficulty dislodged by the confidence. If he abuses my confifire-irons. Even when dislodged, he dence, he commits a dishonorable acstill kept the letter in his mouth; and tion, Mr. Copperfield." on my endeavoring to take it from him, " I feel it, sir, I assure you," I reat the imminent risk of being bitten, turned. " But I never thought so, behe kept it between his teeth so pertina- fore. Sincerely, honestly, indeed, Mr. ciously as to suffer himself to be held Spenlow, I never thought so before. I suspended in the air by means of the love Miss Spenlow to that extent-" document. At length I obtained pos- "Pooh! nonsense! " said Mr. Spensession of it. After perusing it, I taxed low, reddening. " Pray don't tell me tc Miss Spenlow with having many such my face that you love my daughter, Mr. letters in her possession; and ultimately Copperfield! " obtained from her the packet which is " Could I defend my conduct if I dic now in David Copperfield's hand." not, sir? " I returned, with all humility Here she ceased; and snapping her "Can you defend your conduct if yot reticule again, and shutting her mouth, do, sir?" said Mr. Spenlow, stopping OIF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 311 short upon the hearth-rug. "Have you higher consideration than sense. Love considered your years, and my daugh- was above all earthly considerations, ter's years, Mr. Copperfield? Have and I loved Dora to idolatry, and Dora you considered what it is to undermine loved me. I did n't exactly say so; I1 the confidence that should subsist be- softened it down as much as I could; tween my daughter and myself? Have but I implied it, and I was resolute upon you considered my daughter's station in it. I don't think I made myself very life, the projects I may contemplate for ridiculous, but I know I was resolute. her advancement, the testamentary in- "Very well, Mr. Copperfield," said tentions I may have with reference to Mr. Spenlow, " I must try my influence her? Have you considered anything, with my daughter." Mr. Copperfield?" Miss Murdstone, by an expressive "Very little, sir, I am afraid," I an- sound, a long-drawn respiration, which swered, speaking to him as respectfully was neither a sigh nor a moan, but was and sorrowfully as I felt; "but pray like both, gave it as her opinion that he believe me, I have considered my own should have done this at first. worldly position. When I explained it "I must try," said Mr. Spenlow, conto you, we were already engaged -" firmed by this support, " my influence "I BEG," said Mr. Spenlow, more with my daughter. Do you decline to like Punch than I had ever seen him, take those letters, Mr. Copperfield?" as he energetically struck one hand upon For I had laid them on the table. the other, -I could not help noticing Yes. I told him I hoped he would that even in my despair,- "that you not think it wrong, but I could n't poswill NOT talk to me of engagenents, sibly take them from Miss Murdstone. Mr. Copperfield! "Nor from me?" said Mr. Spenlow. The otherwise immovable Miss No, I replied with the profoundest Murdstone laughed contemptuously in respect; nor from him. one short syllable. "Very well'J " said Mr. Spenlow. " When I explained my altered posi- A silence succeeding, I was undecided tion to you, sir," I began again, substi- whether to go or stay. At length I was tuting a new form of expression for what moving quietly towards the door, with was so unpalatable to him, "this con- the intention of saying that perhaps I cealment, into which I am so unhappy should consult his feelings best by withas to have led Miss Spenlow, had be- drawing: when he said, with his hands gun. Since I have been in that altered in his coat pockets, into which it was as position, I have strained every nerve, I much as he could do to get them, and have exerted every energy, to improve with what I should call, upon the whole, it. I am sure I shall improve it in time. a decidedly pious air, - Will you grant me time, - any length of " You are probably aware, Mr. Coptime? We are both so young, sir - " perfield, that I am not altogether desti"You are right," interrupted Mr. tute of worldly possessions, and that my Spenlow, nodding his head a great daughter is my nearest and dearest relmany times, and frowning very much, ative?" "you are both very young. It's all I hurriedly made him a reply to the nonsense. Let there be an end of the effect, that I hoped the error into which nonsense. Take away those letters, and I had been betrayed by the desperate throw them in the fire. Give me Miss nature of my love, did not induce him Spenlow's letters to throw in the fire; to think me mercenary too? and although our future intercourse " I don't allude to the matter in that must, you are aware, be restricted to light," said Mr. Spenlow. " It would the Commons here, we will agree to be better for yourself, and all of us, if make no further mention of the past. you were mercenary, Mr. Copperfield, Come, Mr. Copperfield, you don't want - I mean, if you were more discreet and sense; and this is the sensible course." less influenced by all this youthful nonNo. I could n't think of agreeing to sense. No. I merely say, with quite it. I was very sorry, but there was a another view, you are probably aware I 3I2 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE have some property to bequeath to my knowledge of life," said Mr. Spenlow, child?" adjusting his cravat with both hands. I certainly supposed so.'"Take a week, Mr. Copperfield." "And you can hardly think," said I submitted; and, with a countenance Mr. Spenlow, "having experience of as expressive as I was able to make it what we see, in the Commons, here, of dejected and despairing constancy, every day, of the various unaccount- came out of the room. Miss Murdable and negligent proceedings of stone's heavy eyebrows followed me to men, in respect of their testamentary the door, - I say her eyebrows rather arrangements, -of all subjects, the one than her eyes, because they were much on which perhaps the strangest revela- more important in her face, -and she tions of human inconsistency are to be looked so exactly as she used to look, met with, -but that mine are made? " at about that hour of the morning, in I inclined my head in acquiescence. our parlor at Blunderstone, that I could "I should not allow," said Mr. Spen- have fancied I had been breaking down low, with an evident increase of pious in my lessons again, and that the dead sentiment, and slowly shaking his head weight on my mind was that horrible as he poised himself upon his toes and old spelling-book with oval woodcuts, heels alternately, "my suitable provision shaped, to my youthful fancy, like the for my child to be influenced by a piece glasses out of spectacles. of youthful folly like the present. It is When I got to the office, and, shutmere folly. Mere nonsense. In a lit- ting out old Tiffey and the rest of them tie while, it will weigh lighter than any with my hands, sat at my desk, in my feather. But I might- Iight- ifthis own particular nook, thinking of this silly business were not completely relin- earthquake that had taken place so quished altogether, be induced in some unexpectedly, and in the bitterness of anxious moment to guard her from, and my spirit cursing Jip, I fell into such surround her. with protections against, a state of torment about Dora, that I the consequences of any foolish step in wonder I did not take up my hat and the way of marriage. Now, Mr. Copper- rush insanely to Norwood. The idea field, I hope that you will not render it of their frightening her, and making necessary for me to open, even fir a her cry, and of my not being there quarter of an hour, that closed page in to comfort her, was so excruciating, the book of life, and unsettle, even for a that it impelled me to write a wild letquarter of an hour, grave affairs long ter to Mr. Spenlow, beseeching him not since composed." to visit upon her the consequences of my There was a serenity, a tranquillity, a awful destiny. I implored him to spare calm-sunset air about him, which quite her gentle nature,-not to crush a fragile affected me. He was so peaceful and flower, -and addressed him generally, resigned - clearly had his affairs in such to the best of my remembrance, as if, inperfect train, and so systematically stead of being her father, he had been wound up-that he was a man to an Ogre, or the Dragon of Wantley. feel touched in the contemplation of. This letter I sealed and laid upon his I really think I saw tears rise to his desk before he returned; and when he eyes, from the depth of his own feel- came in, I saw him, through the halfing of all this. opened door of his room, take it up But what could I do? I could not and read it. deny Dora and my own heart. When He said nothing about it all the mornhe told me I had better take a week ing; but before he went away in the afto consider of what he had said, how ternoon he called me in, and told me could I say I would n't take a week, that I need not make myself at all unyet how could I fail to know that no easy about his daughter's happiness. amount of weeks could influence such Ile had assured her, he said, that it love as mine? was all nonsense; and he had noth" In the mean time, confer with Miss ing more to say to her. He believed Trotwood, or with any person with any he was an indulgent father (as indeed OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 313 he was), and I might spare myself Miss Mills had a wonderful flow of any solicitude on her account. words, and liked to pour them out. I "You may make it necessary, if you could not help feeling, though she minare foolish or obstinate, Mr. Copper- gled her tears with mine, that she had a field," he observed, "for mle to send dreadful luxury in our afflictions. She my daughter abroad again, for a term; petted them, as I may say, and made but I have a better opinion of you. I the nost of them. A deep gulf, she ob[ope you will be wiser than that, in a served, had opened between Dora and.ew days. As to Miss tMurdstone," me, and Love could only span it with its or I had alluded to her in the letter, rainbow. Love must suffer in this stern:'I respect that lady's vigilance, and world: it ever had been so, it ever eel obliged to her; but she has strict would be so. No matter, Miss Mills:iarge to avoid the subject. All I de- remarked. Hearts confined by cobwebs;ire, Mr. Copperfield, is, that it should would burst at last, and then Love was )e forgotten. All you have got to do, avenged. \Ir. Copperfield, is, to forget it." This was small consolation, but Miss All! In the note I wrote to Miss Mills wouldn't encourage fallacious,Iills, I bitterly quoted this sentiment. hopes. She made me much more \11 I had to do, I said, with gloomy wretched than I was before, and I felt arcasm, was to forget Dora. That was (and told her with the deepest gratitude) ll, and what was that? I entreated that she was indeed a friend. We reliss Mills to see me that evening. If solved that she should go to Dora the t could not be done with Mr. Mills's first thing in the morning, and find anction and concurrence, I besought a some means of assuring her, either by landestine interview in the back kitch- looks or words, of my devotion and n where the Mangle was. I informed misery. We parted, overwhelmed with ter that my reason was tottering on its grief; and I think Miss Mills enjoyed hrone, and only she, Miss Mills, could herself completely.,revent its being deposed. I signed I confided all to my aunt when I got ryself, hers distractedly; and I home; and in spite of all she could say ouid n't help feeling, when I read this to me, went to bed despairing. I got omposition over, before sending it by a up despairing, and went out despairing. orter, that it was something in the It was Saturday morning, and I went tyle of Mr. Micawber. straight to the Commons. However, I sent it. At night I re- I was surprised, when I came within aired to Miss Mills's street, and sight of our office-door, to see the tickTalked up and down, until I was et-porters standing outside talking totealthily fetched in by Miss Mills's gether, and sone half-dozen stragglers laid, and taken the area way to the back gazing at the windows which were shut itchen. I have since seen reason to up. I quickened my pace, and, passing elieve that there was nothing on earth among them, wondering at their looks,, prevent my going in at the front went hurriedly in. oor, and being shown up into the The clerks were there, but nobody rawing-room, except Miss Mills's love was doing anything. Old Tiffey, for the f the romantic and mysterious. first time in his life, I should think, was In the back kitchen I raved as be- sitting on somebody else's stool, and ame me. I went there, I suppose, to had not hung up his hat. lake a fool of myself, and I am quite "This is a dreadful calamity, Mr. are I did it. Miss Mills had received Copperfield," said he, as I entered. hasty note from Dora, telling her that "What is? " I exclaimed. " What's 11 was discovered, and saying, "0, the matter?" ray come to me, Julia, do, do!" But "Don't you know?" cried Tiffey, liss Mills, mistrusting the acceptabili- and all the rest of them, coming round r of her presence to the higher powers, me. ad pot yet gone; and we were all be- " No! " said I, looking from face to ighted in the Desert of Sahara. face. 314 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " Mr. Spenlow," said Tiffey. rating him from the place, and feeling, " What about him!" when the door opened, as if he might "Dead!" come in, -the lazy hush and rest there I thought it was the office reeling, was in the office, and the insatiable reland not I, as one of the clerks caught ish with which our people talked about hold of me. They sat me down in a it, and other people came in and out all chair, untied my neckcloth, and brought day, and gorged themselves with the me some water. I have no idea whether subject, -this is easily intelligible to any this took any time. one. What I cannot describe is, how, "Dead?" said I. in the innermost recesses of my own "He dined in town yesterday, and heart, I had a lurking jealousy even of drove down in the phaeton by himself," Death. How I felt as if its might would said Tiffey, "having sent his own push me from my ground in Dora's groom home by the coach, as he some- thoughts. How I was, in a grudging times did, you know-" way I have no words for, envious of her " Well? " grief. How it made me restless to think "The phaeton went home without of her weeping to others, or being coinhim. The horses stopped at the stable soled by others. How I had a grasping, gate. The man went out with a lan- avaricious wish to shut out everybody tern. Nobody in the carriage." from her but myself, and to be all in all "Had they run away?" to her, at that unseasonable time of all "They were not hot," said Tiffey, times. putting on his glasses; "no hotter, I In the trouble of this state of mind, understand, than they would have been, -not exclusively my own, I hope, but going down at the usual pace. The known to others, —I went down to reins were broken, but they had been Norwood that night; and finding from dragging on the ground. The house one of the servants, when I made my was roused up directly, and three of inquiries at the door, that Miss Mills them went out along the road. They was there, got my aunt to direct a letter found him a mile off." to her, which I wrote. I deplored the "More than a mile off, Mr. Tiffey," untimely death of Mr. Spenlow most interposed a junior. sincerely, and shed tears in doing so. "Was it? I believe you are right," I entreated her to tell Dora, if Dora said Tiffey, - " more than a mile off- were in a state to hear it, that he had rot far from the church —lying partly spoken to me with the utmost kindness on the roadside, and partly on the path, and consideration; and had coupled upon his face. Whether he fell out in nothing but tenderness, not a single a fit, or got out, feeling ill before the or reproachful word, with her name. fit came on, - or even whether he was I know I did this selfishly, to have quite dead then, though there is no my name brought before her; but I doubt he was quite insensible, -no one tried to believe it was an act of jusappears to know. If he breathed, cer- tice to his memory. Perhaps I did betainly he never spoke. Medical assist- lieve it. ance was got as soon as possible, but it My aunt received a few lines next was quite useless." day in reply; addressed, outside, to I cannot describe the state of mind her; within, to me. Dora was overinto which I was thrown by this intelli- come by grief; and when her friend gence. The shock of such an event had asked her should she send her love happening so suddenly, and happening to me, had only cried, as she was always to one with whom I had been in any crying, "0 dear papa! 0 poor papa " respect at variance, - the appalling But she had not said No, and that I vacancy in the room he had occupied made the most of. so lately, where his chair and table Mr. Jorkins, who had been at Norseemed to wait for him, and his hand- wood since the occurrence, came to the writing of yesterday was like a ghost, - office a few days afterwards. He and the indefinable impossibility of sepa- Tiffey were closeted together for some OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 315 few moments, and then Tiffey looked which men are so inconsistent, and so out at the door and beckoned me in. little to be trusted." "O," said Mr. Jorkins. "Mr. Tif-'Why, bless my soul, he made that fey and myself, Mr. Copperfield, are very remark! " I replied, persistently. about to examine the desk, the drawers, "I should call that almost final," and other such repositories of the de- observed Tiffey. "My opinion is-no ceased, with the view of sealing up his will." private papers, and searching for a It appeared a wonderful thing to me, Will. There is no trace of any, else- but it turned out that there was no will. where. It may be as well for you to He had never so much as thought of assist us, if you please." making one, so far as his papers affordI had been in agony to obtain some ed any evidence; for there was no kind knowledge of the circumstances in which of hint, sketch, or memorandum of any my Dora would be placed, - as, in whose testamentary intention whatever. What guardianship, and so forth, - and this was scarcely less astonishing to me was something towards it. We began was, that his affairs were in a most disthe search at once; Mr. Jorkins un- ordered state. It was extremely diffilocking the drawers and desks, and we cult, I heard, to make out what he all taking out the papers.. The office owed, or what he had paid, or of what papers we placed on one side, and the he died possessed. It was considered private papers (which were not numer- likely that for years he could have had ous) on the other. We were very grave; no clear opinion on these subjects himand when we came to a stray seal, or self. By little and little it came out, pencil-case, or ring, or any little article that, in the competition on all points of of that kind which we associated per- appearance and gentility then running sonally with him, we spoke very low. high in the Commons, he had spent We had sealed up several packets; more than his professional income, and were still going on dustily and which was not a very large one, and quietly, when Mr. Jorkins said to us, had reduced his private means, if they applying exactly the same words to his ever had been great (which was exceedlate partner as his late partner had ingly doubtful), to a very low ebb inapplied to him, deed. There was a sale of the furni-'' Mr. Spenlow was very difficult to ture and lease, at Norwood; and Tiffey move from the beaten track. You know told me, little thinking how interested what he was! I am disposed to think I was in the story, that, paying all the he had made no will." just debts of the deceased, and deduct" O, I know he had! " said I. ing his share of outstanding bad and They both stopped and looked at me. doubtful debts due to the firm, he " On the very day when I last saw would n't give a thousand pounds for all him," said I, " he told me that he had, the assets remaining. and that his affairs were long since This was at the expiration of about settled." six weeks. I had suffered tortures all Mr. Jorkins and old Tiffey shook the time; and thought I really must their heads with one accord. have laid violent hands upon myself, "That looks unpromising," said Tif- when Miss Mills still reported to me, fey. that my broken-hearted little Dora "Very unpromising," said Mr. Jor- would say nothing, when I was menkins. tioned, but "0 poor papa! 0 dear "Surely you don't doubt-" I be- papa!" Also, that she had no other gan. relations than two aunts, maiden sisters "My good Mr. Copperfield!" said of Mr. Spenlow, who lived at Putney, Tiffey, laying his hand upon my arm, and who had not held any other than and shutting up both his eyes. as he chance communication with their brothshook his head, "if you had been in er for many years. Not that they had the Commons as long as I have, you ever quarrelled (Miss Mills informed would know that there is-no subject on me); but that having been, on the oc 316 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE casion of Dora's christening, invited to name of D. C. Introduced same, cautea, when they considered themselves tiously, in course of airing. D. immeprivileged to be invited to dinner, they diately overcome.'O dear, dear Juhad expressed their opinion in writing, lia! 0, I have been a naughty and that it was "better for the happiness of undutiful child!' Soothed and caall parties " that they should stay away. ressed. Drew ideal picture of D. C. Since which they had gone their road, on verge of tomb. D. again overcome. and their brother had gone his.'0, what shall I do, what shall I do? These two ladies now emerged from 0, take me somewhere!' Much their retirement, and proposed to take alarmed. Fainting of D. and glass of Dora to live at Putney. Dora, clinging water from public-house. (Poetical to them both, and weeping, exclaimed, affinity. Checkered sign on door-post; "O yes, aunts! Please take Julia checkered human life. Alas! J. M.) Mills and me and Jip to Putney! " " Friday. Day of incident. Man So they went, very soon after the fu- appears in kitchen, with blue bag,'for neral. lady's boots left out to heel.' Cook How I found time to haunt Putney, replies,'No such orders.' Man I am sure I don't know; but I con- argues point. Cook withdraws to intrived, by some means or other, to prowl quire, leaving man alone with J. On about the neighborhood pretty often. Cook's return, man still argues point, Miss Mills, for the more exact discharge but ultimately goes. J. missing. D. of the duties of friendship, kept a jour- distracted. Information sent to police. nal; and she used to meet me some- Man to be identified by broad nose, times, on the Common, and read it, or and legs like balustrades of bridge. (if she had not time to do that) lend it Search made in every direction. No J. to me. How I treasured up the en- D. weeping bitterly, and inconsolable. tries, of which I subjoin a sample! Renewed reference to young Gazelle. " Monday. My sweet D. still much Appropriate, but unavailing. Towards depressed. Headache. Called atten- evening, strange boy calls. Brought tion to J. as being beautifilly sleek. into parlor. Broad nose, but no balusD. fondled J. Associations thus awak- trades. Says he wants a pound, and ened, opened floodgates of sorrow. knows a dog. Declines to explain furRush of grief admitted. (Are tears the ther, though much pressed. Pound dewdrops of the heart? J. M.) being produced by D. takes Cook to " Tuesday. D. weak and nervous. little house, where J. alone tied up to Beautiful in pallor. (Do we not re- leg of table. Joy of D. who dances mark this in moon likewise? J. M.) round J. while he eats his supper. D. J. M. and J. took airing in carriage. Emboldened by this happy change, J. looking out of window, and barking mention D. C. up stairs. D. weeps violently at dustmen, occasioned smile afiesh, cries piteously.' O don't, don't, to overspread features of D. (Of such don't. It is so wicked to thinkl of anyslight links is chain of life composed! thing but poor papa!' - embraces J. J. M.) and sobs herself to sleep. (Must not "Wednesday. D. comparatively D. C. confine himself to the broad pincheerful. Sang to her, as congenial ions of Time? J. M.)" melody, Evening Bells. Effect not Miss Mills and her journal were my soothing, but reverse. D. inexpres- sole consolation at this period. To see sibly affected. Found sobbing after- her, who had seen Dora but a little wards, in own room. Quoted verses while before, -to trace the initial letter respecting self and young Gazelle. of Dora's name through her sympaIneffectually. Also referredto Patience thetic pages, -to be made more and on Monument. (Qy. Why on Monu- more miserable by her, - were my only ment? J. M.) comforts. I felt as if I had been living "Thursday. D. certainly improved. in a palace of cards, which had tumbled Better night. Slight tinge of damask down, leaving only Miss Mills and me revisiting cheek. Resolved to mention among the ruins; as if some grim en OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 317 chanter had drawn a magic circle round blow as the sudden loss of its active the innocent goddess of my heart, manager. It fell off very much. Mr. which nothing indeed but those same Jorkins, notwithstanding his reputastrong pinions, capable of carrying so tion in the firm, was an easy-going, many people over so much, would en- incapable sort of man, whose reputaable me to enter! tion out of doors was not calculated to back it up. I was turned over to him now, and when I saw him take his snuff and let the business go, I regretted my CHAPTER XXXIX. aunt's thousand pounds more than ever. WICKFIELD AND HEEP. But this was not the worst of it. There were a number of hangers-on and MY aunt, beginning, I imagine, to be outsiders about the Commons, who, made seriously uncomfortable by my without being proctors themselves, dabprolonged dejection, made a pretence bled in common-form business, and got of being anxious that I should go to it done by real proctors, who lent their Dover, to see that all was working well names in consideration of a share in at the cottage, which was let; and to the spoil; and there were a good conclude an agreement, with the same many of these too. As our house now tenant, for a longer term of occupation, wanted business on any terms, we Janet was drafted into the service of joined this noble band; and threw out Mrs. Strong, where I saw her every lures to the hangers-on and outsiders, day. She had been undecided, on to bring their business to us. Marriage leaving Dover, whether or no to give licenses and small probates were what the finishing touch to that renunciation we all looked for, and what paid us of mankind in which she had been edu- best; and the competition for these ran cated, by marrying a pilot; but she de- very high indeed. Kidnappers and incided against that venture. Not so veiglers were planted in all the avenues much for the sake of principle, I be- of entrance to the Commons, with inlieve, as because she happened not to structions to do their utmost to cut off like him. all persons in mourning, and all gentleAlthough it required an effort to leave men with anything bashful in their apMiss Mills, I fell rather willingly into pearance, and entice them to the offices my aunt's pretence, as a means of en- in which their respective employers abling me to pass a few tranquil hours were interested; which instructions with Agnes. I consulted the good were so well observed, that I myself, Doctor relative to an absence of three before I was known by sight, was twice days; and the Doctor wishing me to hustled into the premises of our printake that relaxation, -he wished me to cipal opponent. The conflicting intertake more: but my energy could not ests of these touting gentlemen being bear that, - I made up my mind to go. of a nature to irritate their feelings, As to the Commons, I had no great oc- personal collisions took place; and the casion t'o be particular about my du- Commons was even scandalized by our ties in that quarter. To say the truth, principal inveigler (who had formerly we were getting in no very good odor been in the wine trade, and afterwards among the tip-top proctors, and were in the sworn brokerv line) walking rapidly sliding down to but a doubtful about for some davs with a black eve. position. The business had been in- Any one of these scouts used to think different under Mr. Jorkins, before Mr. nothing of politely assisting an old lady Spenlow's time; and although it had in black out of a vehicle, killing any been quickened by the infusion of new proctor whom she inquired for, repreblood, and by the display which M\lr. senting his employer as the lawful sucSpenlow made, still it was not estab- cessor and representative of that proclished on a sufficiently strong basis to tor, and bearing the old lady off (somebear, without being shaken, such a times greatly affected) to his employer's 318 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE office. Many captives were brought to thrown down, and crumbled away, like me in this way. As to marriage licenses, the reverential pilgrims who had gazed the competition rose to such a pitch, upon them; the still nooks, where the that a shy gentleman in want of one ivied growth of centuries crept over gahad nothing to do but submit himself bled ends and ruined walls; the ancient to the first inveigler, or be fought for, houses, the pastoral landscape of field, and become the prey of the strongest. orchard, and garden; everywhere - on One of our clerks, who was an outsider, everything- I felt the same serener used, in the height of this contest, to air, the same calm, thoughtful, softensit with his hat on, that he might be ing spirit. ready to rush out and swear before a Arrived at Mr. Wickfield's house, I surrogate any victim who was brought found, in the little lower room on the in. The system of inveigling contin- ground-floor, where Uriah Heep had ues, I believe, to this day. The last been of old accustomed to sit, Mr. time I was in the Commons, a civil, Micawber plying his pen with great able-bodied person in a white apron assiduity. He was dressed in a legalpounced out upon me from a doorway, looking suit of black, and loomed, and, whispering the word " Marriage- burly and large, in that small office. license " in my ear, was with great diffi- Mr. Micawber was extremely glad to culty prevented from taking me up in see me, but a little confused too. He his arms and lifting me into a proc- would have conducted me immediately tor's. into the presence of Uriah, but 1 deFrom this digression, let me proceed cined. to Dover. " I know the house of old, you recolI found everything in a satisfactory lect," said I, "and will find my way state at the cottage; and was enabled up stairs. How do you like the law, to gratify my aunt exceedingly by re- Mr. Micawber?" porting that the tenant inherited her " My dear Copperfield," he replied, feud, and waged incessant war against "to a man possessed of the higher donkeys. Having settled the little imaginative powers, the objection to business I had to transact there, and legal studies is the amount of detail slept there one night, I walked on to which they involve. Even in our proCanterbury early in the morning. It fessional correspondence," said Mr. Miwas now winter again; and the fresh, cawber, glancing at some letters he was cold, windy day, and the sweeping writing, " the mind is not at liberty to downland, brightened up my hopes a soar to any exalted form of expression. little. Still it is a great pursuit. A great purComing into Canterbury, I loitered suit! " through the old streets with a sober He then told me that he had become pleasure that calmed my spirits, and- the tenant of Uriah Heep's old house; eased my heart. There were the old and that Mrs. Micawber would be designs, the old names over the shops, lighted to receive me, once more, under the old people serving in them. It ap- her own roof. peared so long since I had been a " It is humble," said Mr. Micawber, school-boy there, that I wondered the "to quote a favorite expression of my place was so little changed, until I re- friend Heep; but it may prove the flected how little I was changed my- stepping-stone to more ambitious domiself. Strange to say, that quiet influ- ciliarv accommodation." ence which was inseparable in my mind I asked him whether he had reason, from Agnes, seemed to pervade even so far, to be satisfied with his friend the city where she dwelt. The venera- Heep's treatment of him. He got up ble cathedral towers, and the old jack- to ascertain if the door were close shut, daws and rooks, whose airy voices made before he replied, in a lower voice:them more retired than perfect silence "My dear Copperfield, a man who would have done; the battered gate- labors under the pressure of pecuniary ways, once stuck full with statues, long embarrassments, is, with the generality OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 319 of people, at a disadvantage. That dis- ting this proposition to his cooler judgadvantage is not diminished, when that ment?" pressure necessitates the drawing of Though I saw an uneasy change in stipendiary emoluments, before those Mr. Micawber, which sat tightly on emoluments are strictly due and paya- him, as if his new duties were a misfit, I ble. All I can say is, that my friend felt I had no right to be offended. My Heep has responded to appeals to telling him so appeared to relieve him; which I need not more particularly re- and he shook hands with me. fer, in a manner calculated to redound "I am charmed, Copperfield," said equally to the honor of his head and of Mr. Micawber, "let me assure you, his heart." with Miss Wickfield. She is a very I should not have supposed him to superior young lady, of very remarkabe very free with his money, either," I ble attractions, graces, and virtues. observed. Upon my honor,' said Mr. Micawber, " Pardon me! " said Mr. Micawber, indefinitely kissing his hand and bowwith an air of constraint, " I speak of ing with his genteelest air, "I do my friend Heep as I have experience." Homage to Miss Wickfield! Hem " "I am glad your experience is so " I am glad of that, at least," said I. favorable," I returned. " f you had not assured us, my dear "You are very obliging, my dear Copperfield, on the occasion of that Copperfield," said Mr. Micawber; and agreeable afternoon we had the happihummed a tune. ness of passing with you, that D. was "Do vou see much of Mr. Wick- your favorite letter," said Mr. Micawfield?" I asked, to change the subject. ber, "I should unquestionably have "Not much," said Mr. Micawber, supposed that A. had been so." slightingly. " Mr. Wickfield is, I dare We have all some experience of a say, a man of very excellent inten- feeling, that comes over us occasionally, tions; but he is - in short he is obso- of what we are saying and doing having lete." been said and done before, in a remote "I am afraid his partner seeks to time, - of our having been surrounded, make him so," said I. dim ages ago, by the same faces, ob" My dear Copperfield!" returned jects, and circumstances, - of our knowMr. Micawber, after some uneasy evo- ng perfectly what will be said next, as lutions on his stool, " allow me to offer if we suddenly remembered it! I never a remark! I am here in a capacity of had this mysterious impression more confidence. I am here in a position of strongly in my life than before he uttrust. The discussion of some topics, tered those words. even with Mrs. Micawber herself (so I took my leave of Mr. Micawber, for long the partner of my various vicissi- the time, charging him with my best tudes, and a woman of a remarkable remembrances to all at home. As I lucidity of intellect), is, I am led to con- left him, resuming his stool and his pen, sider, incompatible with the functions and rolling his head in his stock, to get now devolving on me. I would there- it into easier writing order, I clearly fore take the liberty of suggesting, that, perceived that there was something inin our friendly intercourse, -which I terposed between him and me, since he trust will never be disturbed!-we had come into his new functions, which draw a line. On one side of this line," prevented our getting at each other as said Mr. Micawber, representing it on we used to do, and quite altered the the desk with the office ruler, "is the character of our intercourse. whole range of the human intellect, There was no one in the quaint old with a trifling exception; on the other, drawing-room, though it presented is that exception; that is to say, the tokens of Mrs. Heep's whereabout. affairs of Messrs. Wickfield and Heep, I looked into the room still belonging with all belonging and appertaining to Agnes, and saw her sitting by the thereunto. I trust I give no offence to fire, at a pretty old-fashioned desk she the companion of my youth, in submit- had, writing. 320 PERSOINAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE My darkening the light made her ever I have gone away from my adopted look up. What a pleasure to be the sister-" cause of that bright change in her at- Agnes looked up-with such a heavtentive face, and the object of that enly face!-and gave me her hand. sweet regard and welcome! which I kissed. "Ah, Agnes!" said I, when we "Whenever I have not had you. were sitting together, side by side; "I Agnes, to advise and approve in the have missed you so much, lately!" beginning, I have seemed to go wild. "Indeed?" she replied. "Again! and to get into all sorts of difficulty And so soon?" When I have come to you, at last (as I I shook my head. have always done), I have come tt "I don't know how it is, Agnes; I peace and happiness. I come home seem to want some faculty of mind that now, like a tired traveller, and find suc I ought to have. You were so much in a blessed sense of rest! " the habit of thinking for me, in the hap- I felt so deeply what I said, it affectec py old days here, and I came so natu- me so sincerely, that my voice failed rally to you for counsel and support, and I covered my face with my hand that I really think I have missed ac- and broke into tears. I write the truth quiring it." Whatever contradictions and inconsist "And what is it?" said Agnes, encies there were within me, as there cheerfully. are within so many of us; whateve " I don't know what to call it," I might have been so different and so mud replied. "I think I am earnest and better; whatever I had done, in whicl persevering?" I had perversely wandered away fron "1 am sure of it," said Agnes. the voice of my own heart; I knev "And patient, Agnes?" I inquired, nothing of. I only knew that I was fer with a little hesitation. vently in earnest, when I felt the res "Yes," returned Agnes, laughing. and peace of having Agnes near me. "Pretty well." In her placid sisterly manner, witl "And yet," said I, " I get so miser- her beaming eyes, with her tende: able and worried, and am so unsteady voice, and with that sweet composu!r and irresolute in my power of assuring which had long ago made the Ihous( myself, that I know I must want- that held her quite a sacred place t( shall I call it - reliance, of some me, she soon won me from this weak tind? " ness, and led me on to tell all that hac "Call it so, if you will," said Ag- happened since our last meeting. nes. "And there is not another word t( "Well!" I returned. "See here tell, Agnes," said I, when I had mad( You come to London, I rely on you, an end of my confidence. " Now, nm and I have an object and a course at reliance is on you." once. I am driven out of it, I come " But it must not be on me, Trot here, and in a msoment I feel an altered wood," returned Agnes, with a pleasant person. The circumstances that dis- smile. "It must be on some one else.' tressed me are not changed, since I come "On Dora?" said I. into this room; but an influence comes "Assuredly." over me in that short interval that alters "Whv, I have not mentioned, Agme. O, how much for the better! nes," said I, a little embarrassed. What is it? What is your secret, "that Dora is rather difficult to-i Agnes?" would not, for the world, say, to relI Her head was bent down looking at upon, because she is the soul ofpurit> the fire. and truth — but rather difficult to - "It's the old story," said I. "Don't hardly know how to express it, really, laugh, when I say it was always the Agnes. She is a timid little thing, and same in little things as it is in greater easily disturbed and frightened. Some ones. My old troubles were nonsense, time ago, before her father's death, and now they are serious; but when- when I thought it right to mention tc OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 321 her -but I'11 tell you, if you will bear visit sometimes at their house. Conwith me, how it was." sidering that you are young, and strivAccordingly, I told Agnes about my ing for a place in life, I think it would declaration of poverty, about the cook- be well to say that you would readily ery-book, the housekeeping accounts, abide by any conditions they might imand all the rest of it. pose upon you. I would entreat them " Trotwood! " she remonstrated, not to dismiss your request without a with a smile. " Just your old headlong reference to Dora, and to discuss it way! You might have been in ear- with her when they should think the nest in striving to get on in the world, time suitable. I would not be too without being so very sudden with a vehement," said Agnes, gently, "or timid, loving, inexperienced girl. Poor propose too much. I would trust to Dora!" my fidelity and perseverance - and to I never heard such sweet, forbearing Dora." kindness expressed in a voice as she ex- " But if they were to frighten Dora pressed in making this reply. It ~was again, Agnes, by speaking to her," said as if I had seen her admiringly and ten- I. "And if Dora were to cry, and say derly embracing Dora, and tacitly re- nothing about me! " proving me, by her considerate protec- "Is that likely?" inquired Agnes, tion, for my hot haste in fluttering that with the same sweet consideration in little heart. It- was as if I had seen her face. Dora, in all her fascinating artlessness, "God bless her, she is as easily caressing Agnes, and thanking her, and scared as a bird," said I. "It might coaxingly appealing against me, and be! Or if the two Miss Spenlows (elloving me with all her childish inno- derly ladies of that sort are odd characcence. ters sometimes) should not be likely I felt so grateful to Agnes, and ad- persons to address in that way! " mired her so! I saw those two together, " I don't think, Trotwood," returned in a bright perspective, such well-asso- Agnes, raising her soft eyes to mine, ciated friends, each adorning the other "I would consider that. Perhaps it so much! would be better only to consider whether "What ought I to do then, Agnes?" it is right to do this; and, if it is, to do JI inquired, after looking at the fire a it." little while. "What would it be right I had no longer any doubt on the subto do?" ject. With a lightened heart, though "I think," said Agnes, "that the with a profound sense of the weighty honorable course to take would be to importance of my task, I devoted the write to those two ladies. Don't you whole afternoon to the composition of think that any secret course is an un- the draft of this letter; for which great worthy one?" purpose Agnes relinquished her desk "Yes. If you think so," said I. to me. But first I went down stairs to "I am poorly qualified to judge of see Mr. Wickfield and Uriah Heep. such matters," replied Agnes, with a I found Uriah in possession of a new, modest hesitation, "but I certainly feel plaster-smelling office, built out in the — in short, I feel that your being se- garden; looking extraordinarily mean, cret and clandestine is not being like in the midst of a quantity of books and yourself." papers. He received me in his usual "Like myself, in the too high opm- fawning way, and pretended not to have ion you have of me, Agnes, I am heard of my arrival from Mr. Micawafraid," said I. ber; a pretence I took the liberty of " Like yourself, in the candor of your disbelieving. He accompanied me into nature," she returned; "and therefore Mr. Wickfield's room, which was the [ would write to those two ladies. I shadow of its former self, - having been Gould relate, as plainly and as openly divested of a variety of conveniences, is possible, all that has taken olace; for the accommodation of the new partsnd I would ask their permission to ner, - and stood before the fire, warm21 32a PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ing his back, and shaving his chin with Heep. " But you don't take notice of his bony hand, while Mr. Wickfield and him with a mother's eye! " I exchanged greetings. His mother's eye was an evil eye to "You stay with us, Trotwood, while the rest of the world, I thought, as it met you remain in Canterbury?" said Mr. mine, howsoever affectionate to him; and Wickfield, not without a glance at I believe she and her son were devoted Uriah for his approval. to one another. It passed me, and went " Is there room for me? " said I. on to Agnes. "I am sure, Master Copperfield, - "Don't you see a wasting and a I should say Mister, but the other comes wearing in him, Miss Wickfield?" inso natural," said Uriah, —"I would quired Mrs. Heep. turn out of your old room with pleasure, No," said Agnes, quietly pursuing if it would be agreeable." the work on which she was engaged. "No, no," said Mr. Wickfield. "You are too solicitous about him. "Why should yoe be inconvenienced? He is very well." There's another room. There's anoth- Mrs. Heep, with a prodigious sniff, er room." resumed her knitting. " 0, but you know," returned Uriah She never left off, or left us for a mowith a grin, " I should really be de- ment. I had arrived early in the day, lighted " and we had still three or four hours before To cut the matter short, I said I dinner; but she sat there, plying her would have the other room or none at knitting-needles as monotonously as an all; so it was settled that I should have hour-glass might have poured out its the other room; and, taking my leave sands. She sat on one side of the of the firm until dinner, I went up stairs fire; I sat at the desk in front of it; again. a little beyond me, on the other side, I had hoped to have no other com- sat Agnes. Whensoever, slowly ponpanion than Agnes. But Mrs. Heep dering over my letter, I lifted up my had asked permission to bring herself eyes, and meeting the thoughtful face and her knitting near the fire, in that of Agnes, saw it clear, and beam enroom; on pretence of its having an as- couragement upon me, with its own anpect more favorable for her rheumatics, gelic expression, I was conscious presas the wind then was, than the drawing- ently of the evil eye passing me, and room or dining-parlor. Though I could going on to her, and coming back to almost have consigned her to the mer- me again, and dropping furtively upon cies of the wind on the topmost pinna- the knitting. What the knitting was cle of the Cathedral, without remorse, I I don't know, not being learned in that made a virtue of necessity, and gave her art; but it looked like a net; and as she a friendly salutation. worked away with those Chinese chop"I'm umbly thankful to you, sir," sticks of knitting-needles, she showed said Mrs. Heep, in acknowledgment of in the fire-light like an ill-looking enmy inquiries concerning her health, chantress, balked as yet by the radiant " but I'm only pretty well. I have n't goodness opposite, but getting ready for much to boast of. If I could see my a cast of her net by and by. Uriah well settled in life, I couldn't At dinner she maintained her watch, expect much more, I think. How do with the same unwinking eyes. After you think my Ury looking, sir?" dinner, her son took his turn, and, when I thought him looking as villanous as Mr. Wickfield, himself, and I were left ever, and I replied that I saw no change alone together, leered at me, andwrithed, in him. until I could hardly bear it. In the " 0, don't you think he's changed?" drawing-room, there was the mother said Mrs. Heep. "There I must um- knitting and watching again. All the bly beg leave to differ from you. Don't time that Agnes sang and played, the you see a thinness in him?" mother sat at the piano. Once she " Not more than usual," I replied. asked for a particular ballad, which "Don't you, though I" said Mrs. she said her Ury (who was yawning ir OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 323 a great chair) doted on; and at inter- alone, because I have had so much comvals she looked round at him, and re- pany." ported to Agnes that he was in rap- He looked at me sideways, and said tures with the music. But she hardly with his hardest grin, "You mean ever spoke-I question if she ever mother." did- without making some mention of "Why, yes, I do," said I. him. It was evident to me that this "Ah! But you know we're so very was the duty assigned to her. umble," he returned. "And having This lasted until bedtime. To have such a knowledge of our own umbleness, seen the mother and son, like two great we must really take care that we're not bats hanging over the whole house, and pushed to the wall by them as isn't darkening it with their ugly forms, made umble. All stratagems are fair in love, me so uncomfortable that I would ralh- sir." er have remained down stairs, knitting Raising his great hands until they and all, than gone to bed. I hardly got touched his chin, he rubbed them softly, any sleep. Next day the knitting and and softly chuckled; looking as like a watching began again, and lasted all malevolent baboon, I thought, as anyday. thing human could look. I had not an opportunity of speaking "You see," he said, still hugging to Agnes, for ten minutes. I could bare- himself in that unpleasant way, and ly show her my letter. I proposed to shaking his head at me, " you're quite her to walk out with me; but Mrs. Heep a dangerous rival, Master Copperfield. repeatedly complaining that she was You always was, you know." worse, Agnes charitably remained with- "Do you set a watch upon Miss in, to bear her company. Towards the Wickfield, and make her home no home, twilight I went out by myself, musing on because of me? " said I. what I ought to do, and whether I was " Master Copperfield! Those are justified in withholding from Agnes, any very arsh words," he replied. longer, what Uriah Heep had told me in "Put my meaning into any words you London; for that began to trouble me like," said I. "You know what it is, again, very much. Uriah, as well as I do." I had not walked out far enough to be "O no! You must put it into words," quite clear of the town, upon the Rams- he said. "0, really! I could n't mygate road, where there was a good path, self." when I was hailed, through the dusk, by " Do you suppose," said I, constrainsomebody behind me. The shambling ing myself to be very temperate and figure and the scanty great-coat were quiet with him, on account of Agnes, not to be mistaken. I stopped, and "that I regard Miss Wickfield otherUriah Heep came up. wise than as a very dear sister? " "Well?" said I. "Well, Master Copperfield," he re"How fast you walk!" said he. plied, "you perceive I am not bound to' My legs are pretty long, but you've answer that question. You may not, riven'em quite a job." you know. But then, you see, you "Where are you going?" said I. may!" "I am coming with you, Master Cop- Anything to equal the low cunning of werfield, if you'11 allow me the pleasure his visage, and of his shadowless eyes, )f a walk with an old acquaintance." without the ghost of an eyelash, I never saying this, with a jerk of his body, saw. vhich might have been either propitia- "Come then!" said I. "For the ory or derisive, he fell into step beside sake of Miss Wickfield " ne. " My Agnes!" he exclaimed, with "Uriah!" said I, as civilly as I a sickly, angular contortion of himself. ould, after a silence. "Would you be so good as call her " Master Copperfield!" said Uriah. Agnes, Master Copperfield? " "To tell you the truth (at which you " For the sake of Agnes Wickfield - vill not be offended), I came out to walk Heaven bless her " 324 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Thank you for that blessing, Mas- "Very! Now confess, Master Copperter Copperfield! " he interposed. field, that you have n't liked me quite as "I will tell you what I should, un- I have liked you. All along you've der any other circumstances, as soon thought me too umble now, I shouldn't have thought of telling to - Jack wonder?" Ketch." "I am not fond of professions of "To who, sir? " said Uriah, stretch- humility," I returned, "or professions ing out his neck, and shading his ear of anything else." with his hand. "There now!" said Uriah, looking "To the hangman," I returned. flabby and lead-colored in the moon"The most unlikely person I could light. "Didn't I know it! But how think of," - though his own face had little you think of the rightful umblesuggested the allusion quite as a natural ness of a person in my station, Master sequence. " I am engaged to another Copperfield! Father and me was both young lady. I hopethat contents you." brought up at a foundation school for "Upon your soul? " said Uriah. boys; and mother, she was likewise I was about indignantly to give my brought up at a public, sort of charitaassertion the confirmation he required, ble, establishment. They taught us when he caught hold of my hand, and all a deal of umbleness,-not much gave it a squeeze. else that I know of, from morning to "O Master Copperfield," he said. night. We was to be umble to this "If you had only had the condescension person, and umble to that; and to pull to return my confidence when I poured off our caps here, and to make bows out the fulness of my art, the night I put there; and always to know our place, you so much out of the way by sleeping and abase ourselves before our betters. before your sitting-room fire, I never And we had such a lot of betters! should have doubted you. As it is, I'm Father got the monitor-medal by being sure I'11 take off mother directly, and umble. So did I. Father got made only too appy. I know you'11 excuse a sexton by being umble. He had the the precautions of affection, won't you? character, among the gentlefolks, of What a pity, Master Copperfield, that being such a well-behaved man, that you didn't condescend to return my they were determined to bring him in. confidence! I'm sure I gave you every'Be umble, Uriah,' says father to me, opportunity. But you never have con-'and you'll get on. It was what was descended to me, as much as I could always being dinned into you and me have wished. I know you have never at school; it's what goes down best. liked me, as I have liked you!" Be umble,' says father,'and you'll All this time he was squeezing my do!' And really it ain't done bad!" hand with his damp fishy fingers, while It was the first time it had ever ocI made every effort I decently could to curred to me, that this detestable cant get it away. But I was quite unsuc- of false humility might have originated cessful. He drew it under the sleeve out of the Heep family. I had seen the of his mulberry-colored great-coat, and harvest, but had never thought of the I walked on, almost upon compulsion, seed. arm-in-arm with him. " When I was quite a young boy," "Shall we turn?" said Uriah, by and said Uriah, "I got to know what by, wheeling me face about towards the umbleness did, and I took to it. I ate town, on which the early moon was now umble pie with an appetite. I stopped shining, silvering the distant windows. at the umble point of my learning, and " Before we leave the subject, you says I,'Hold hard!' When you ofought to understand," said I, breaking fered to teach me Latin, I knew better. a pretty long silence, " that I believe'People like to be above you,' says Agnes Wickfield to be as far above you father;'keep yourself down.' I am and as far removed from all your aspi- very umble to the present moment, rations as that moon herself! " Master Copperfield, but I've got a lit" Peaceful! Ain't she I " said Uriah. tle power I " OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 325 And he said all this- I knew, as I tions, I took the hand of the broken saw his face in the moonlight - that I gentleman, his partner. might understand he was resolved to "Come, fellow-partner," said Uriah, recompense himself by using his power. "if I may take the liberty, - now, supI had never doubted his meanness, his pose you give us something or another craft and malice; but I fully compre- appropriate to Copperfield! " hended now, for the first time, what a I pass over Mr. Wickfield's proposing base, unrelenting, and revengeful spirit my aunt, his proposing Mr. Dick, his must have been engendered by this proposing Doctors' Commons, his proearly and this long suppression, posing Uriah, his drinking everything His account of himself was so far twice; his consciousness of his own attended with an agreeable result, that weakness, the ineffectual effort that he it led to his withdrawing his hand in made against it; the struggle between order that he might have another hug his shame in Uriah's deportment and of himself under the chin. Once apart his desire to conciliate him; the manifrom him, I was determined to keep fest exultation with which Uriah twisted apart; and we walked back, side by side, and turned, and held him up before me. saying very little more by the way. It made me sick at heart to see, and Whether his spirits were elevated by my hand recoils from writing it. the communication I had made to him, " Come, fellow-partner! " said Uriah, or by his having indulged in this ret- at last, "'ll give you another one, and rospect, I don't know; but they were I umbly asked for bumpers, seeing I raised by some influence. He talked intend to make it the divinest of her more at dinner than was usual with sex." him; asked his mother (off duty from Her father had his empty glass in his the moment of our re-entering the hand. I saw him set it down, look at house) whether he was not growing too the picture she was so like, put his old for a bachelor; and once looked hand to his forehead, and shrink back at Agnes so that I would have given in his elbow-chair. all I had for leave to knock him down. "I'm an umble individual to give When we three males were left alone you her elth," proceeded Uriah, "but after dinner, he got into a more adven- I admire — adore her." turous state. He had taken little or no No physical pain that her father's wine; and I presume it was the mere gray head could have borne, I think, insolence of triumph that was upon him, could have been more terrible to me flushed perhaps by the temptation my than the mental endurance I saw compresence furnished to its exhibition. pressed now within both his hands. I had observed yesterday, that he "Agnes," said Uriah, either not retried to entice Mr. Wickfield to drink; garding him, or not knowing what the and interpreting the look which Agnes nature of his action was, -" Agnes had given me as she went out, had Wickfield is, I am safe to say, the limited myself to one glass, and then divinest of her sex. May I speak out, proposed that we should follow her. among friends? To be her father is a I would have done so again to-day; but proud distinction, but to be her usUriah was too quick for me. band-" " We seldom see our present visitor, Spare me from ever again hearing sir," he said, addressing Mr. Wickfield, such a cry as that with which her father sitting, such a contrast to him, at the rose up from the table! end of the table, "and I should pro- "What's the matter?" said Uriah, pose to give him welcome in another turning of a deadly color. "You are not glass or two of wine, if you have no gone mad, after all, Mr. Wickfield, I objections. Mr. Copperfield, your elth hope! If I say I've an ambition to and appiness! " make your Agnes my Agnes, I have as I was obliged to make a show of good a right to it as another man. I taking the hand he stretched across to have a better right to it than any other me; and then, with very different emo- man I " 326 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I had my arms round Mr. Wickfield, long forefinger pointing towards me. imploring him by everything that I "He'll say something presentlycould think of, oftenest of all by his mind you!-he'11 be sorry to have love for Agnes, to calm himself a little. said afterwards, and you'11 be sorry to He was mad for the moment; tearing have heard! " out his hair, beating his head, trying to "I'11 say anything!" cried Mr. force me from him and to force himself Wickfield, with a desperate air. "Why from me, not answering a word, not should I not be in all the world's power looking at or seeing any one; blindly if I am in yours! " striving forhe knew not what, his face " Mind! 1 tell you! " said Uriah, all staring and distorted, -a frightful continuing to warn me. " If you don't spectacle. stop his mouth, you're not his friend! I conjured him, incoherently, but in Why should n't you be in all the world's the most impassioned manner, not to power, Mr. Wickfield? Because you abandon himself to this wildness, but have got a daughter. You and me know to hear me. I besought him to think what we know, don't we? Let sleeping of Agnes, to connect me with Agnes, to dogs lie, - who wants to rouse'em? recollect how Agnes and I had grown I don't. Can't you see I am as umble up together, how I honored her and as I can be? I tell you, if I've gone too loved her, how she was his pride and far, I'm sorry. What would you have, joy. I tried to bring her idea before sir?" him in any form; I even reproached "0 Trotwood, Trotwood!" exhim with not having firmness to spare claimed Mr. Wickfield, wringing his her the knowledge of such a scene as hands. "What I have come down to this. I may have effected something, be, since I first saw you in this house! or his wildness may have spent itself; I was on my downward way then, but but by degrees he struggled less, and the dreary, dreary road I have travelled began to look at me, - strangely at first, since! Weak indulgence has ruined then with recognition in his eyes. At me. Indulgence in remembrance and length he said, "I know, Trotwood! indulgence in forgetfulness. My natuMy darling child and you, -I know! ral grief for my child's mother turned But look at him! " to disease; my natural love for my He pointed to Uriah, pale and glow- child turned to disease. I have inering in a corner, evidently very much fected everything I touched. I have out in his calculations, and taken by brought misery on what I dearly love, surprise. I know, -you know! I thought it " Look at my torturer," he replied. possible that I could truly love one "Before him I have step by step aban- creature in the world, and not love the doned name and reputation, peace and rest; I thought it possible that I could quiet, house and home." truly mourn for one creature gone out " I have kept your name and reputa- of the world, and not have some part tion for you, and your peace and quiet, in the grief of all who mourned. Thus and your house and home too," said the lessons of my life have been pervertUriah, with a sulky, hurried, defeated ed! I have preyed on my own morbid air of compromise. "Don't be foolish, coward heart, and it has preyed on me. Mr. Wickfield. If I have gone a little Sordid in my grief, sordid in my love, beyond what you were prepared for, I sordid in my miserable escape from can go back, I suppose? There's no the darker side of both, oh, see the ruin harm done." I am, and hate me, shun me! " " I looked for single motives in every He dropped into a chair, and weakly one," said Mr. Wickfield, " and I was sobbed. The excitement into which he satisfied I had bound him to me by had been roused was leaving him. motives of interest. But see what he Uriah came out of his corner. is, - 0, see what he is! " "I don't know all I have done, in my "You had better stop him, Copper- fatuity," said Mr. Wickfield, putting out field, if you can," cried Uriah, with his his hands, as if to deprecate my con OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 327 demnation. "He knows best," meaning er," she replied. "Dear Trotwood, Uriah Heep, "for he has always been no." at my elbow, whispering me. You see "Dear Agnes," I said, "it is prethe millstone that he is about my sumptuous for me, who am so poor in neck. You find him in my house, you all in which you are so rich, —goodfind him in my business. You heard him ness, resolution, all noble qualities, - but a little time ago. What need have to doubt or direct you; but you know I to say more?" how much I love you, and how much " You have n't need to say so much, I owe you. You will never sacrifice nor half so much, nor anything at all," yourself to a mistaken sense of duty? observed Uriah, half defiant, and half Agnes?" fawning. "You wouldn't have took it More agitated for a moment than I up so, if it had n't been for the wine. had ever seen her, she took her hand You'll think better of it to-morrow, from me, and moved a step back. sir. If I have said too much, or more " Say you have no such thought, dear than I meant, what of it? I haven't Agnes! Much more than sister Think stood by it! " of the priceless gift of such a heart as The door opened, and Agnes, gliding yours, of such a love as yours! " in, without a vestige of color in her face, 0, long, long afterwards, I saw that put her arm round his neck, and steadi- face rise up before me, with its momenly said, " Papa, you are not well. Come tary look, not wondering, not accusing, with me " He laid his head upon her not regretting. 0, long, long aftershoulder, as if he were oppressed with wards, I saw that look subside, as it heavy shame, and went out with her. did now, into the lovely smile with Her eyes met mine for but an instant, which she told me she had no fear for vet I saw how much she knew of what herself, - I need have none for her, - had passed. and parted from me by the name of "I did n't expect he'd cut up so Brother, and was gone rough, Master Copperfield," said Uriah. It was dark in the morning when I "But it's nothing. I'11 be friends with got upon the coach at the inn door. himto-morrow. It'sforhisgood. I'm The day was just breaking when we umbly anxious for his good." were about to start, and then, as I sat I gave him no answer, and went up thinking of her, came struggling up the stairs into the quiet room where Agnes coach side, through the mingled day had so often sat beside me at my books. and night, Uriah's head. Nobody came near me until late at night. "Copperfield! "said he in a croaking I took up a book and tried to read. I whisper, as he hung by the iron on the heard the clock strike twelve, and was roof, " I thought you'd be glad to hear, still reading, without knowing what I before you went off, that there are no read, when Agnes touched me. squares broke between us. I've been " You will be going early in the morn- into his room already, and we've made ing, Trotwood! Let us say good by, it all smooth. Why, though I'mumble, now " I'm useful to him, you know, and he unShe had been weeping, but her face derstands his interest when he is n't in then was so calm and beautiful! liquor! What an agreeable man he is, " Heaven bless you!" she said, giving after all, Master Copperfield! " me her hand. I obliged myself to say that I was "Dearest Agnes " I returned, "I glad he had made his apology. see you ask me not to speak of to- "0, to be sure!" said Uriah. night, -but is there nothing to be "When a person's umble, you know, done? " what's an apology? So easy! I say I "There is God to trust in!" she re- I suppose," with a jerk, "you have plied. sometimes plucked a pear before it was " Can I do nothing, - I, who come to ripe, Master Copperfield?" you with my poor sorrows?" "I suppose I have," I replied. "And make mine so much light- "Idid that last night," said Uriah; 323 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " but it'11 ripen yet! It only wants at- I had been too busy to observe, until tending to. I can wait! " after she was gone to bed, that she had Profuse in his farewells, he got down left her night-mixture, as she always again as the coachman got up. For called it, untasted on the chimney-piece. anything I know, he was eating some- She came to her door, with even more thing to keep the raw morning air out; than her usual affection of manner, but he made motions with his mouth, when I knocked to acquaint her with as if the pear were ripe already and he this discovery; but only said, " I have were smacking his lips over it. not the heart to take it, Trot, to-nigat," and shook her head, and went in again. She read my letter to the two old laCHAPTER XL. dies, in the morning, and approved of it. I posted it, and had nothing to do THE WANDERER. then but wait, as patiently as I could, for the reply. I was still in this state WE had a very serious conversation of expectation, and had been, for nearly in Buckingham Street that night, about a week, when I left the Doctor's one the domestic occurrences I have de- snowy night, to walk home. tailed in the last chapter. My aunt It had been a bitter day, and a cutwas deeply interested in them, and ting northeast wind had blown for walked up and down the room with her some time. The wind had gone down arms folded, for more than two hours with the light, and so the snow had afterwards. Whenever she was partic- come on. It was a heavy settled fall, I ularly discomposed, she always per- recollect, in great flakes; and it lay formed one of these pedestrian feats; thick. The noise of wheels and tread and the amount of her discomposure of people were as hushed as if the might always be estimated by the dura- streets had been strewn that depth with tion of her walk. On this occasion she feathers. was so much disturbed in mind as to My shortest way home-and I find it necessary to open the bedroom naturally took the shortest way on door, and make a course for herself, such a night- was through Saint comprising the full extent of the bed- Martin's Lane. Now the church rooms from wall to wall; and while Mr. which gives its name to the lane stood Dick and I sat quietly by the fire, she in a less free situation at that time, kept passing in and out, along this there being no open space before it, measured track, at an unchanging pace, and the lane winding down to the with the regularity of a clock pendu- Strand. As I passed the steps of the lum. portico, I encountered, at the corner, When my aunt and I were left to our- a woman's face. It looked in mine, selves by Mr. Dick's going out to bed, passed across the narrow lane and disI sat down to write my letter to the two appeared. I knew it. I had seen it old ladies. By that time she was tired somewhere. But I could not rememof walking, and sat by the fire with her ber where. I had some association dress tucked up as usual. But instead with it, that struck upon my heart diof sitting in her usual manner, holding rectlv; but I was thinking of anything her glass upon her knee, she suffered it else when it came upon me, and was to stand neglected on the chimney-piece, confused. and, resting her left elbow on her right On the steps of the church there was arm, and her chin on her left hand, the stooping figure of a man, who had put looked thoughtfully at me. As often down some burden on the smooth snow as I raised my eyes from what I was to adjust it. My seeing the face, and about, I met hers. "I am in the lov- my seeing him, were simultaneous. I ingest of tempers, my dear," she would don't think I had stopped in my surassure me with a nod, "but I am fid- prise; but, in any case, as I went on, geted and sorry! " he rose, turned and came down towards OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 329 me. I stood face to face with Mr. it away from his face, while I was inPeggotty! wardly making these remarks. As he Then I remembered the woman. sat down opposite to me at a table It was Martha, to whom Emily had with his back to the door by which we given the money that night in the had entered, he put out his rough hand kitchen. Martha Endell, - side by side again, and grasped mine warmly. with whom, he would not have seen his "I'11 tell you, Mas'r Davy," he said, dear niece, Ham had told me, for all "wheer-all I've been, and what-all the treasures wrecked in the sea. we've heerd. I've been fur, and We shook hands heartily. At first we've heerd little; but I'11 tell you!" neither of us could speak a word. I rang the bell for something hot'to " Mas'r Davy! " he said, griping me drink. He would have nothing stronger tight, "it do my art good to see you, than ale; and while it was being sir. Well met, well met!" brought, and being warmed at the fire, "Well met, my dear old friend!" he sat thinking. There was a fine massaid I. sive gravity in his face, I did not ven" I had my thowts o' coming to make ture to disturb. inquiration for you, sir, to-night," he "When she was a child," he said, said, "but knowing as your aunt lifting up his head soon after we were was living along wi' you, -for I've left alone, "she used to talk to me a been down yonder, - Yarmouth way, - deal about the sea, and about them I was afeerd it was too late. I should coasts where the sea got to be dark have come early in the morning, sir, blue, and to lay a shining and a shining afore going away." in the sun. I thowt, odd times, as her " Again? " said I. father being drownded, made her think "Yes, sir," he replied, patiently on it so much. I doen't know, you see, shaking his head; "I'm away to- but may-be she believed -or hopednorrow." he had drifted out to them parts, where "Where were you going now?" I the flowers is always a blowing, and isked. the country bright." "Well!" he replied, shaking the " It is likely to have been a childish;now out of his long hair, "I was a fancy," I replied. going to turn in somewheers." "When she was-lost," said Mr. In those days there was a side-en- Peggotty, "I know'd in my mind, as rance to the stable-yard of the Golden he would take her to them countries. 2ross, the inn so memorable to me in I know'd in my mind, as he'd have told:onnection with his misfortune, nearly her wonders of'em, and how she was )pposite to where we stood. I pointed to be a lady theer, and how he got her nut the gateway, put my arm through listen to him first, along o' sech like. ius, and we went across. Two or three When we see his mother, I know'd )ublic rooms opened out of the stable- quite well as I was right. I went across-,ard; and looking into one of them, channel to France, and landed theer, as.nd finding it empty, and a good fire if I'd fell down from the sky." turning, I took him in there. I saw the door move, and the snow When I saw him in the light, I ob- drift in. I saw it move a little more, erved, not only that his hair was long and a hand softly interpose to keep it.nd ragged, but that his face was burnt open. lark by the sun. He was grayer, the " I found out an English gentleman, ines in his face and forehead were as was in authority," said Mr. Peggotty, leeper, and he had every appearance of "and told him I was a going to seek my Laving toiled and wandered through niece. He got me them papers as I 11 varieties of weather; but he looked wanted fur to carry me through, -I ery strong, and like a man upheld by doen't rightly know how they're called, teadfastness of purpose, whom nothing -and he would have give me money, ould tire out. He shook the snow but that I was thankful to have no need:ori his hat and clothes, and brushed on. I thank him kind, for all he done, 330 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE I'm sure I'I've wrote afore you,' he sobbed aloud. I laid my trembling says to me,'and I shall speak to many hand upon the hand he put before his as will come that way, and many will face. "Thankee, sir," he said, " doen't know you, fur distant from here, when take no notice." you're a travelling alone.' I told In a very little while he took his hand him, best as I was able, what my grat- away and put it in his breast, and went itoode was, and went away through on with his story. France." "They often walked with me," he "Alone, and on foot? " said I. said, "in the morning, may be a mile or " Mostly afoot," he rejoined; " some- two upon my road; and when we parttimes in carts along with people going ed, and I said,'I'm very thankful to to market; sometimes in empty coach- you! God bless you!' they always es. Many mile a day afoot, and often seemed to understand, and answered with some poor soldier or another, trav- pleasant. At last I come to the sea. elling to see his friends. I couldn't It warn't hard, you may suppose, for a talk to him," said Mr. Peggotty, "nor seafaring man like me to work his way he to me; but we was company for one over to Italy. When I got theer, I another, too, along the dusty roads." wandered on as I had done afore. The I should have known that by his people was just as good to me; and I friendly tone. should have gone from town to town, " When I come to any town," he pur- may be the country through, but that I sued, "I found the inn, and waited got news of her being seen among them about the yard till some one turned up Swiss mountains yonder. One as (some one mostly did) as know'd Eng- know'd his servant see'em there, all lish. Then I told how that I was on three, and told me how they travelled, my way to seek my niece, and they told and where they was. I made for them me what manner of gentlefolks was in mountains, Mas'r Davy, day and night. the house, and I waited to see any as Ever so fur as I went, ever so fur the seemed like her, going in or out. When mountains seemed to shift away fiom it warn't Em'ly, I went on agen. By me. But I come up with'em, and I little and little, when I come to a new crossed'em. When I got nigh the place village or that, among the poor people, as I had been told of, I began to think I found they know'd about me. They within my own self,'What shall I dc would set me down at their cottage when I see her?'" doors, and give me what-not fur to eat The listening face, insensible to the and drink, and show me where to sleep; inclement night, still drooped at the and many a woman, Mas'r Davy, as door, and the hands begged mehas had a daughter of about Em'ly's prayed me-not to cast it forth. age, I've found a waiting for me, at "I never doubted her," said Mr. Our Saviour's Cross outside the village, Peggotty. "No! Not a bit! On') fur to do me sim'lar kindnesses. Some let her see my face, - on'y let her heel has had daughters as was dead. And my voice,-on'y let my stanning still God only knows how good them moth- afore her bring to her thoughts the home ers was to me! " she had fled away from, and the chilc It was Martha at the door. I saw her she had been, - and if she had growec haggard, listening face distinctly. My to be a royal lady, she'd have fell dowr dread was lest he should turn his head, at my feet! I know'd it well! Man) and see her too. a time in my sleep had I heerd her cr) "They would often put their children out,'Uncle!' and seen her fall like -partic'lar their little girls," said Mr. death afore me. Many a time in m5 Peggotty, "upon my knee; and many sleep had I raised her up, and whisperec a time you might have seen me sitting to her,'Em'ly, my dear, I am come at their doors, when night was coming fur to bring forgiveness, and to take yor on, a'most as if they'd been my Dar- home!'" ling's children. O my Darling!" He stopped and shook his head, anc Overpowered by sudden grief, he went on with a sigh. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 33r "He was nowt to me now. Em'ly this writing, and know it comes from my was all. I bought a country dress to wicked hand! But try, try -not for put upon her; and I know'd that, once my sake, but for uncle's goodness, try 7ound, she would walk beside me over to let your heart soften to me, only for a:hem stony roads, go where I would, little, little time! Try, pray do, to relent ind never, never leave me more. To towards a miserable girl, and write down mut that dress upon her, and to cast off on a bit of paper whether he is well, vhat she wore, - to take her on my arm and what he said about me before you tgain and wander towards home, - to left off ever naming me among your-;top sometimes upon the road, and heal selves, - and whether, of a night, when ier bruised feet and her worse-bruised it is my old time of coming home, you ieart, -was all that I thowt of now. ever see him look as if he thought of [ doen't believe I should have done one he used to love so dear. Oh, my *o much as look at him. But, Mas'r heart is breaking when I think about Davy, it warn't to be - not yet! I was it! I am kneeling down to you, begoo late, and they was gone. Wheer, I ging and praying you not to be as hard:ould n't learn. Some said heer, some with me as I deserve, - as I well, well aid theer. I travelled heer, and I know I deserve, - but to be so gentle ravelled theer, but I found no Em'ly, and so good as to write down some-.nd I travelled home." thing of him, and to send it to me. You "How long ago? " I asked. need not call me Little, you need not " A matter o' fower days," said Mr. call me by the name I have disgraced;'eggotty. "I sighted the old boat but oh, listen to my agony, and have rter dark, and the light a shining in the mercy on me so far as to write me some uinder. When I come nigh and looked word of uncle, never, never to be seen i through the glass, I see the faithful in this world by my eyes again! reetur Missis Gummidge sittin' by the "Dear, if your heart is hard towards re, as we had fixed upon, alone. I me-justly hard, I know —but, lisalled out,'Doen't be afeerd! It's ten, if it is hard, dear, ask him I have )an'l!' and I went in. I never could wronged the most -him whose wife I ave thowt the old boat would have was to have been - before you quite ten so strange! " decide against my poor, poor prayer I From some pocket in his breast, he If he should be so compassionate as to >ok out, with a very careful hand, a say that you might write something for nall paper bundle containing two or me to read, -I think he would, 0 I tree letters or little packets, which he think he would, if you would only ask id upon the table. him, for he always was so brave and so "This first one come," he said, se- forgiving, - tell him then (but not else), cting it from the rest, "afore I had that when I hear the wind blowing at,en gone a week. A fifty-pound bank- night, I feel as if it was passing angrily )te, in a sheet of paper, directed to from seeing him and uncle, and was e, and put underneath the door in the going up to God against me. Tell him ght. She tried to hide her writing, that if I was to die to-morrow (and oh, it she could n't hide it from Me! " if I was fit, I would be so glad to die!) He folded up the note again, with I would bless him and uncle with my eat patience and care,, in exactly the last words, and pray for his happy home me form, and laid it on one side. with my last breath!" "This come to Missis Gummidge," he id, opening another, " two or three Some money was enclosed in this letonths ago." After looking at it for ter also. Five pounds. It was unme moments, he gave it to me, and touched like the previous sum, and he ded in a low voice, "Be so good as refolded it in the same way. Detailed id it, sir." instructions were added relative to the I read as follows:- address of a reply, which, although they betrayed the intervention of several "Oh, what will you feel when you see hands, and made it difficult to arrive at 333 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE any very probable conclusion in refer- He gathered up the letters thoughtence to her place of concealment, made fully, smoothing them with his hand, it at least not unlikely that she had put them into their little bundle, and written from that spot where she was placed it tenderly in his breast again. stated to have been seen. The face was gone from the door. I " What answer was sent?" I inquired still saw the snow drifting in; but nothof Mr. Peggotty. ing else was there. "Missis Gummidge," he returned, "Well! " he said, looking to his bag.'"not being a good scholar, sir, Ham " having seen you to-night, Mas'r Davy. kindly drawed it out, and she made a (and that doos me good!) I shall awa; copy on it. They told her I was gone betimes to-morrow morning. You have to seek her, and what my parting words seen what I've got heer "; putting hi6 was." hand on where the little packet lay "Is that another letter in your "all that troubles me is, to think tha hand?" said I. any harm might come to me, afore tha "It's money, sir," said Mr. Peggot- money was give back. If I was to die tv, unfolding it a little way. "Ten and it was lost, or stole, or elseway: pound, you see. And wrote inside, made away with, and it was neve:'From a true friend,' like the first. know'd by him but what I'd took it, But the first was put underneath the believe the t' other wureld would n' door, and this come by the post, day hold me! I believe I must come afore yesterday. I'n going to seek her back! " at the post-mark." He rose, and I rose too. We graspec He showed it to me. It was a town each other by the hand again, before on the Upper Rhine. He had found going out. out, at Yarmouth, some foreign dealers "I'd go ten thousand mile," he said who knew that country, and they had "I'd go till I dropped dead, to lay tha drawn him a rude map on paper, which money down afore him. If I do that he could very well understand. He and find my Em'ly, I'm content. If laid it between us on the table, and, doen't find her, may be she'11 come t with his chin resting on one hand, hear, some time, as her loving uncl tracked his course upon it with the only ended his search for her when h other. ended his life; and if I know her, eve; I asked him how Ham was. He that will turn her home at last!" shook his head. As we went out into the rigorou "He works," he said, "as bold as a night, I saw the lonely figure flit awa man can. His name's as good, in all before us. I turned him hastily o: that part, as any man's is, anywheres in some pretence, and held him in convel the wureld. Any one's hand is ready to sation until it was gone. help him, you understand, and his is He spoke of a travellers' house o ready to help them. He's never been the Dover road, where he knew h heerd fur to complain. But my sister's could find a clean, plain lodging for th belief is ('twixt ourselves) as it has cut night. I went with him over Wesl him deep." minster Bridge, and parted from him o "Poor fellow, I can believe it!" the Surrey shore. Everything seemec "He ain't no care, Mas'r Davy," to my imagination, to be hushed in rce said Mr. Peggotty in a solemn whisper, erence for him, as he resumed his sol " keinder no care nohow for his itary journey through the snow. life. When a man's wanted for rough I returned to the inn-yard, and, in service in rough weather, he's theer. pressed by my remembrance of the face When there's hard duty to be done looked awfully around for it. It wz with danger in it, he steps forward not there. The snow had covered ot afore all his mates. And yet he's as late footprints; my new track was tl: gentle as any child. There ain't a only one to be seen; and even that child in Yarmouth that doen't know began to die away (it snowed so fast) him." I looked back over my shoulder. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 333 CHAPTER XLI. whatever that was (I had floating dreams myself concerning golden shawls and DORA'S AUNTS. elephants' teeth), having been at Calcutta in his youth, and designing now AT last an answer came from the to go out there again, in the capacity of two old ladies. They presented their resident partner. But this was nothing compliments to Mr. Copperfield, and to me., However, it was so much to informed him that they had given his him that for India he was bound, and letter their best consideration, "with Julia with him; and Julia went into aview to the happiness of both par- the country to take leave of her relaties,"-which I thought rather an tions; and the house was put into a alarming expression, not only because of perfect suit of bills, announcing that it the use they had made of it in relation to was to be let or sold, and that the furnithe family difference before mentioned, ture (mangle and all) was to be taken at but because I had (and have all my avaluation. So here was anotherearthlife) observed that conventional phrases quake of which I became the sport, beare a sort of fire-works, easily let off, and fore I had recovered from the shock of liable to take a great variety of shapes its predecessor! and colors not at all suggested by their I was in several minds how to dress original form. The Misses Spenlow myself on the important day. Being added that they begged to forbear ex- divided between my desire to appear to pressing, "through the medium of advantage, and my apprehensions of correspondence," an opinion on the putting on anything that might impair subject of Mr. Copperfield's communi- my severely practical character in the:ation; but that, if Mr. Copperfield eyes of the Misses Spenlow, I endeavwould do them the favor to call, upon a ored to hit a happy medium between certain day, (accompanied, if he thought these two extremes. My aunt approved proper, by a confidential friend.) they the result; and Mr. Dick threw one of would be happy to hold some conversa- his shoes after Traddles and me, for tion on the subject. luck, as we went down stairs. To this favor, Mr. Copperfield imme- Excellent fellow as I knew Traddles liately replied, with his respectful corn- to be, and warmly attached to him as pliments, that he would have the honor I was, I could not help wishing, on that.f waiting on the Misses Spenlow, at delicate occasion, that he had never tle time appointed; accompanied, in contracted the habit of brushing his accordance with their kind permission, hair so very upright. It gave him a by his friend Mr. Thomas Traddles of surprised look-not to say a hearththe Inner Temple. Having despatched broomy kind of expression - which, my which missive, Mr. Copperfield fell apprehensions whispered, might be fatal into a condition of strong nervous agita- to us. tion; and so remained until the day I took the liberty of mentioning it to anrived. Traddles, as we were walking to PutIt was a great augmentation of my ney; and saying, that, if he would uneasiness to be bereaved, at this event- smooth it down a little - ful crisis, of the inestimable services of "My dear Copperfield," said TradMiss Mills. But Mr. Mills, who was dles, lifting off his hat, and rubbing his always doing something or other to hair all kinds of ways, "nothing would annoy me, -or I felt as if he were, give me greater pleasure. But it which was the same thing, -had brought won't." his conduct to a climax, by taking it " Won't be smoothed down?" said I. into his head that he would go to India. "No," said Traddles. "Nothing Why should he go to India, except to will induce it. If I was to carry a halfharass me? To be sure he had nothing hundred weight upon it, all the way to to do with any other part of the world, Putney, it would be up again the moand had a good deal to do with that ment the weight was taken off. You part, being entirely in the Indian trade, have no idea what obstinate hair mine 334 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE is, Copperfield. I am quite a fretful on her was such that she gave a scream porcupine." and became insensible. I could n't apI was a little disappointed, I must proach the subject again for months." confess, but thoroughly charmed by his "You did it at last? " said I. good-nature too. I told him how I "Well, the Reverend Horace did," esteemed his good-nature; and said said Traddles. "He is an excellent that his hair must have taken all the man, most exemplary in every way; obstinacy out of his character, for he and he pointed out to her that she ought, had none. as a Christian, to reconcile herself to "O," returned Traddles, laughing, the sacrifice (especially as it was so un"I assure you, it's quite an old story, certain), and to bear no uncharitable my unfortunate hair. My uncle's wife feeling towards me. As to myself, Copcould n't bear it. She said it exasper- perfield, I give you my word, I felt a ated her. It stood very much in my perfect bird of prey towards the famway, too, when I first fell in love with ily." Sophy. Very much." " The sisters took your part, I hope, " Did she object to it?" Traddles?" "She didn't," rejoined Traddles; "Why, I can't say they did," he re"but her eldest sister- the one that's turned. "When we had comparatively the Beauty-quite made game of it, I reconciled Mrs. Crewler to it, we had understand. In fact, all the sisters to break it to Sarah. You recollect my laugh at it." mentioning Sarah as the one that has " Agreeable!" said I. something the matter with her spine?" "Yes," returned Traddles with per- "Perfectly!" fect innocence; "it's a joke for us. " She clenched both her hands," said They pretend that Sophy has a lock of Traddles, looking at me in dismay; it in her desk, and is obliged to shut it "shut her eyes; turned lead-color; bein a clasped book, to keep it down. came perfectly stiff; and took nothing We laugh about it." for two days but toast and water, ad"By the by, my dear Traddles," ministered with a teaspoon." said I, "your experience may suggest "What a very unpleasant girl, Tradsomething to me. When you became dies! " I remarked. engaged to the young lady whom you "0, I beg your pardon, Copperhave just mentioned, did you make a field!" said Traddles. "She is a very regular proposal to her family? Was charming girl, but she has a great deal there anything like -what we are go- of feeling. In fact, they all have. ing through to-day, for instance?" I Sophy told me afterwards, that the selfadded, nervously. reproach she underwent, while she was " Why," replied Traddles, on whose in attendance upon Sarah, no words attentive face a thoughtful shade had could describe. I know it must have stolen, "it was rather a painful transac- been severe, by my own feelings, Coption, Copperfield, in my case. You see, perfield; which were like a criminal's. Sophy being of so much use in the fam- After Sarah was restored, we still had ily, none of them could endure the to break it to the other eight; and it thought of her ever being married. In- produced various effects upon them of a deed, they had quite settled among most pathetic nature. The two little themselves that she never was to be ones, whom Sophy educates, have only married, and they called her the old just left off de-testing me." maid. Accordingly, when I mentioned "At any rate, they are all reconciled it, with the greatest precaution, to Mrs. to it now, I hope? " said I. Crewler - "Ye-yes, I should say they were, " The mamma?" said I. on the whole, resigned to it," said Trad"The mamma," said Traddles- dies, doubtfully. "The fact is, we "Reverend Horace Crewler -when I avoid mentioning the subject; and my mentioned it with every possible pre- unsettled prospects and indifferent circaution to Mrs. Crewler, the effect up- cumstances are a great consolation to OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 335 them. There will be a deplorable ly been the youngest of the family; scene, whenever we are married. It that there was a disparity of six or will be much more like a funeral than eight years between the two sisters; a wedding. And they'll all hate me and that the younger appeared to be for taking her away! " the manager ofthe conference, inasmuch His honest face, as he looked at me as she had my letter in her hand, - so with a serio-comic shake of his head, familiar as it looked to me, and yet so impresses me more in the remembrance odd - and was referring to it through than it did in the reality; for I was by an eye-glass. They were dressed alike; this time in a state of such excessive but this sister wore her dress with a trepidation and wandering of mind, as more youthful air than the other; and to be quite unable to fix my attention perhaps had a trifle more frill, or tuckon anything. On our approaching the er, or brooch, or bracelet, or some little house where the Misses Spenlow lived, thing of that kind, which made her I was at such a discount in respect look more lively. They were both upof my personal looks and presence of right in their carriage, formal, precise, mind, that Traddles proposed a gentle composed, and quiet. The sister who stimulant in the form of a glass of ale. had not my letter had her arms crossed This having been administered at a on her breast, and resting on each neighboring public-house, he conducted other, like an Idol. me, with tottering steps, to the Misses "Mr. Copperfield, I believe?" said Spenlows' door. the sister who had got my letter, adI had a vague sensation of being, as dressing herself to Traddles. it were, on view, when the maid opened This was a frightful beginning. Tradit; and of wavering, somehow, across a dles had to indicate that I was Mr. iall with a weather-glass in it, into a Copperfield, and I had to lay claim to juiet little drawing-room on the ground- myself, and they had to divest themloor, commanding a neat garden. Also selves of a preconceived opinion that )f sitting down here, on a sofa, and Traddles was Mr. Copperfield, and;eeing Traddles's hair start up, now his altogether we were in a nice condition. iat was removed, like one of those ob- To improve it, we all distinctly heard rusive little figures made of springs, Jip give two short barks, and receive hat fly out of fictitious snuff-boxes another choke. vhen the lid is taken off. Also of "Mr. Copperfield!" said the sister tearing an old-fashioned clock ticking with the letter. tway on the chimney-piece, and trying I did something -bowed, I suppose o make it keep time to the jerking of - and was all attention, when the othny heart, -which it wouldn't. Also of er sister struck in. ooking round the room for any sign "My sister Lavinia," said she, "beif Dora, and seeing none. Also of ing conversant with matters of this nahinking that Jip once barked in the ture, will state what we consider most listance, and was instantly choked by calculated to promote the happiness of omebody. Ultimately I found myself both parties." iacking Traddles into the fireplace, I discovered afterwards that Miss nd bowing in great confusion to two Lavinia was an authority in affairs of Iry little elderly ladies, dressed in the heart, by reason of there having )lack, and each looking wonderfully anciently existed a certain Mr. Pidger, ike a preparation in chip or tan of the who played short whist, and was supate Mr. Spenlow. posed to have been enamored of her. "Pray," said one of the two little My private opinion is, that this was adies, "be seated." entirely a gratuitous assumption, and When I had done tumbling over that Pidger was altogether innocent of [raddles, and had sat upon something any such sentiments, -to which he had vhich was not a cat, - my first seat never given any sort of expression that vas, - I so far recovered my sight as to I could ever hear of. Both Miss Laleroeive that Mr. Spenlow had evident- vinia and Miss Clarissa had a supersti 336 PERSO.NAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE tion, however, that he would have de- she married our brother Francis, had at clared his passion, if he had not been once said that there was not room for the cut short in his youth (at about sixty) family at the dinner-table, it would have by over-drinking his constitution, and been better for the happiness of all parover-doing an attempt to set it right ties." again by swilling Bath-water. They "Sister Clarissa," said Miss Lavihad a lurking suspicion even, that he nia, "perhaps we needn't mind that died of secret love; though I must say now." there was a picture of him in the house "Sister Lavinia," said Miss Clarissa, with a damask nose, which conceal- "it belongs to the subject. With your ment did not appear to have ever branch of the subject, on which alone preyed upon. you are competent to speak, I should not "We will not," said Miss Lavinia, think of interfering. On this branch of "enter on the past history of this mat- the subject I have a voice and an opinter. Our poor brother Francis's death ion. It would have been better for the has cancelled that." happiness of all parties, if Dora's main"We had not," said Miss Clarissa, ma, when she married our brother Fran"been in the habit of frequent associa- cis, had mentioned plainly what her intion with our brother Francis; but tentions were. We should then have there was no decided division or dis- known what we had to expect. We union between us. Francis took his should have said'Pray do not invite road; we took ours. We considered it us, at any time'; and all possibility conducive to the happiness of all par- of misunderstanding would have been ties that it should be so. And it was avoided." so." When Miss Clarissa had shaken her Each of the sisters leaned a little for- head, Miss Lavinia resumed, again reward to speak, shook her head after ferring to my letter through her eyespeaking, and became upright again glass. They both had little bright when silent. Miss Clarissa never round twinkling eyes, by the way, moved her arms. She sometimes which were like birds' eyes. They played tunes upon them with her fin- were not unlike birds, altogether, - havgers, - minuets and marches, I should ing a sharp, brisk, sudden manner, and think, -but never moved them. a little short, spruce way of adjusting "Our niece's position, or supposed themselves, like canaries. position, is much changed by our broth- Miss Lavinia, as I have said, reer Francis's death," said Miss Lavinia; sumed. "and therefore we consider our broth- "You ask permission of my sister er's opinions as regarded her position as Clarissa and myself, Mr. Copperfield, being changed too. We have no rea- to visit here, as the accepted suitor of son to doubt, Mr. Copperfield, that you our niece." are a young gentleman possessed of good " If our brother Francis," said Miss qualities and honorable character, or Clarissa, breaking out again, if I may that you have an affection - or are fully call anything so calm a breaking out, persuaded that you have an affection - "wished to surround himself with an atfor our niece." mosphere of Doctors' Commons, and of I replied, as I usually did whenever I Doctors' Commons only, what right or had a chance, that nobody had ever desire had we to object? None, I am loved anybody else as I loved Dora. sure. We have ever been far from wishTraddles came to my assistance with ing to obtrude ourselves on any one. a confirmatory murmur. But why not say so? Let our brother Miss Lavinia was going on to make Francis and his wife have their society. some rejoinder, when Miss Clarissa, Let my sister Lavinia and myself have who appeared to be incessantly beset our society. We can find it for ourby a desire to refer to her brother selves, I hope!" Francis, struck in again. As this appeared to be addressed to " If Dora's mamma," she said, "when Traddles and me, both Traddles and I OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 337 made some sort of reply. Traddleswas any express encouragement as yet, I inaudible. I think I observed, myself, fancied that I saw in the two little sisthat it was highly creditable to all con- ters, and particularly in Miss Lavinia, cerned. I don't in the least know what an intensified enjoyment of this new I meant. and fruitful subject of domestic in" Sister Lavinia," said Miss Clarissa, terest, a settling down to make the having now relieved her mind, "you most of it, a disposition to pet it, in can go on, my dear." which there was a good bright ray of Miss Lavinia proceeded:- hope. I thought I perceived that Miss " Mr. Copperfield, my sister Clarissa Lavinia would have uncommon satisfacand I have been very careful indeed in tion in superintending two young lovers, considering this letter; and we have not like Dora and me; and that Miss considered it without finally showing it Clarissa would have hardly less satisfacto our niece, and discussing it with our tion in seeing her superintend us, and niece. We have no doubt that you in chiming in with her own particular dethink you like her very much." partment of the subject, whenever that "Think, ma'am," I rapturously be- impulse was strong upon her. This gan, "oh!-" gave me courage to protest most veheBut Miss Clarissa giving me a look mently that I loved Dora better than I (just like a sharp canary), as request- could tell, or any one believe; that all ing that I would not interrupt the my friends knew how I loved her; that oracle, I begged pardon. my aunt, Agnes, Traddles, every one "Affection," said Miss Lavinia, glan- who knew me, knew how I loved her, cing at her sister for corroboration, which and how earnest my love had made me. she gave in the form of a little nod to For the truth of this, I appealed to every clause, "mature affection, hom- Traddles. And Traddles, firing up as if age, devotion, does not easily express he were plunging into a Parliamentary itself. Its voice is low. It is modest Debate, really did come out nobly; and retiring, it lies in ambush, waits confirming me in good round terms, and waits. Such is the mature fruit. and in a plain, sensible, practical manSometimes a life glides away, and ner, that evidently made a favorable imfinds it still ripening in the shade." pression. * Of course I did not understand then " I speak, if I may presume to say that this was an allusion to her supposed so, as one who has some little experiexperience of the stricken Pidger; but ence of such things," said Traddles, I saw, from the gravity with which Miss " being myself engaged to a young lady Clarissa nodded her head, that great -one of ten, down in Devonshireweight was attached to these words. and seeing no probability, at present, of "The light - for I call them, in com- our engagement coming to a terminaparison with such sentiments, the light tion." - inclinations of very young people," "You may be able to confirm what pursued Miss Lavinia, "are dust, corn- I have said, Mr. Traddles," observed pared to rocks. It is owing to the diffi- Miss Lavinia, evidently taking a new:ulty of knowing whether they are likely interest in him, "of the affection that is:o endure or have any real foundation, modest and retiring; that waits and:hat my sister Clarissa and myself have waits?" ieen very undecided how to act, Mr. "Entirely, ma'am," said Traddles. 3opperfield, and Mr. -" Miss Clarissa looked at Miss Lavinia, "Traddles," said my friend, finding and shook her head gravely. Miss iimself looked at. Lavinia looked consciously at Miss " I beg pardon. Of the Inner Tem- Clarissa, and heaved a little sigh. ale, I believe?" said Miss Clarissa, " Sister Lavinia," said Miss Clarissa, igain glancing at my letter. "take my smelling-bottle." Traddles said, "Exactly so," andbe- Miss Lavinia revived herself with a mame pretty red in the face. few whiffs of aromatic vinegar, -TradNow, although I had not received dies and I looking on with great solici22 338 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE tude the while, - and then went on to derstanding only, we must require fron say, rather faintly:- Mr. Copperfield a distinct assurance "My sister and myself have been in on his word of honor, that no communi great doubt, Mr. Traddles, what course cation of any kind shall take place be we ought to take in reference to the tween him and our niece without ou likings, or imaginary likings, of such knowledge. That no project whateve very young people as your friend Mr. shall be entertained with regard to ou Copperfield and our niece." niece, without being first submitted t, "Our brother Francis's child," re- us-" marked Miss Clarissa. "If our brother " To you, sister Lavinia," Miss Clar Francis's wife had found it convenient issa interposed. in her lifetime (though she had an un- " Be it so, Clarissa!" assented Mis questionable right to act as she thought Lavinia, resignedly, —"to me —an best) to invite the fanily to her dinner- receiving our concurrence. We mus table, we might have known our brother make this a most express and seriou Francis's child better at the present stipulation, not to be broken on an moment. Sister Lavinia, proceed." account. We wished Mr. Copperfiel Miss Lavinia turned my letter so as to to be accompanied by some confidentia bring the superscription towards herself, ~ friend to-day," with an inclination c and referred through her eye-glass to her head towards Traddles, who bowec some orderly-looking notes she had "in order that there might be no doul made on that part of it. or misconception on this subject. ] "It seems to us," said she, "prudent, Mr. Copperfield, or if you, Mr. Trac Mr. Traddles, to bring these feelings to dies, feel the least scruple in givin the test of our own observation. At this promise, I beg you to take time t present we know nothing of them, and consider it." are not in a situation to judge how I exclaimed, in a state of high ecstati much reality there may be in them. fervor, that not a moment's consider. Therefore we are inclined so far to ac- tion could be necessary. I bound mi cede to Mr. Copperfield's proposal as self by the required promise, in a moi to admit his visits here." impassioned manner; called upon Trac " I shall never, dear ladies," I ex- dies to witness it; and denounced ml claimed, relieved of an immense load of self as the most atrocious of character; apprehension, "forget your kindness!" if I ever swerved from it in the lea: "But," pursued Miss Lavinia,- degree. "but, we would prefer to regard those " Stay!" said Miss Lavinia, holdin visits, Mr. Traddles, as made, at pres- up her hand. "We resolved, before a ent, to us. We must guard ourselves had the pleasure of receiving you tw from recognizing any positive engage- gentlemen, to leave you alone for ment between Mr. Copperfield and our quarter of an hour, to consider th niece, until we have had an opportun- point. You will allow us to retire." ity- " It was in vain for me to say that n " Until you have had an opportunity, consideration was necessary. Theype: sister Lavinia," said Miss Clarissa. sisted in withdrawing for the specifie "Be it so," assented Miss Lavinia, time. Accordingly, these little birc with a sigh, - "until I have had an hopped out with great dignity; leavin opportunity of observing them." me to receive the congratulations " Copperfield," said Traddles, turn- Traddles, and to feel as if I were tran! ing to me, "you feel, I am sure, that lated to regions of exquisite happines nothing could be more reasonable or Exactly at the expiration of the quart( considerate." of an hour, they reappeared with no le, " Nothing!" cried I. "I am deep- dignity than they had disappeare( ly sensible of it." They had gone rustling away as if the " In this position of affairs," said Miss little dresses were made of autum Lavinia, again referring to her notes, leaves; and they came rustling bac "and admitting his visits on this un- in like manner, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 339 I then bound myself once more to the plate-warmer, and restored him to the prescribed conditions. light, sneezing very much, and were all " Sister Clarissa," said Miss Lavinia, three reunited! "the rest is with you." Miss Clarissa, " My dearest Dora! Now, indeed, unfolding her arms for the first time, my own forever! " took the notes and glanced at them. "Odon't!" pleaded Dora. "Please!" "We shall be happy," said Miss "Are you not my own forever, Dora? " Clarissa, "to see Mr. Copperfield to " yes, of course I am! " cried Dodinner, every Sunday, if it should suit ra; "but I am so frightened!" his convenience. Our hour is three." "Frightened, my own!" I bowed. "O yes! I don't like him," said Do" In the course of the week," said ra. "Why don't he go?" Miss Clarissa, "we shall be happy to "Who, my life?" see Mr. Copperfield to tea. Our hour Your friend," said Dora. "It isn't is half past six." any business of his. What a stupid he I bowed again. must be! " "Twice in the week," said Miss Clar- "My love!" (There never was.ssa, "but, as a rule, not oftener." anything so coaxing as her childish I bowed again. ways.) " He is the best creature! " " Miss Trotwood," said Miss Clarissa, "0, but we don't want any best'mentioned in Mr. Copperfield's letter, creatures! " pouted Dora. vill perhaps call upon us. When visit- " My dear," I argued, "you will soon ng is better for the happiness of all know him well, and like him of all )arties, we are glad to receive visits, things. And here is my aunt coming md return them. When it is better soon; and you'11 like her of all things or the happiness of all parties that no too, when you know her." risiting should take place, (as in the " No, please don't bring her! " said:ase of our brother Francis and his Dora, giving me a horrified little kiss,;stablishment), that is quite differ- and folding her hands. "Don't. I nt. " know she's a naughty, mischief-making I intimated that my aunt would be old thing! Don't let her come here, proud and delighted to make their ac- Doady! " which was a corruption of [uaintance; though I must say I was David. lot quite sure of their getting on very Remonstrance was of no use, then; atisfactorily together. The conditions so I laughed, and admired, and was,eing now closed, I expressed my ac- very much in love and very happy; and:nowledgments in the warmest man- she showed me Jip's new trick of stander; and, taking the hand, first of Miss ing on his hind legs in a corner, - which ]larissa, and then of Miss Lavinia, he did for about the space of a flash of iressed it, in each case, to my lips. lightning, and then fell down, - and I Miss Lavinia then arose, and begging don't know how long I should have Ir. Traddles to excuse us for a minute, stayed therie. oblivious of Traddles, if squested me to follow her. I obeyed, Miss Lavinia had not come in to take 11 in a tremble, and was conducted me away. Miss Lavinia was very fond ito another room. There I found my of Dora (she told me Dora was exactly lessed darling stopping her ears behind like what she had been herself at her ie door, with her dear little face against age, -she must have altered a good ie wall; and Jip in the plate-warmer, deal), and she treated Dora just as if ith his head tied up in a towel. she had been a toy. I wanted to per0, how beautiful she was in her suade Dora to come and see Traddles, lack frock, and how she sobbed and but on my proposing it she ran off to:ied at first, and would n't come out her own room, and locked herself in; om behind the door! How fond we so I went to Traddles without her, and ere of one another, when she did come walked away with him on air. at at last; and what a state of bliss I "Nothing could be more satisfacas in, when we took Jip out of the tory," said Traddles; "and they are 340 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE very agreeable old ladies, I am sure. 1 drinkings being quite impracticable, should n't be at all surprised if you were compounded with Miss Lavinia for pei to be married years before me, Copper- mission to visit every Saturday aftel field." noon, without detriment to my privi "Does your Sophy play on any in- leged Sundays. So the close of ever strument, Traddles?" I inquired, in week was a delicious time for me; an the pride of my heart. I got through the rest of the week b "She knows enough of the piano looking forward to it. to teach it to her little sisters," said I was wonderfully relieved to fin Traddles. that my aunt and Dora's aunts rubbe " Does she sing at all?" I asked. on, all things considered, much mor " Why, she sings ballads, sometimes, smoothly than I could have expectec to freshen up the others a little when My aunt made her promised visit witt they're out of spirits," said Traddles. in a few days of the conference; an "Nothing scientific." within a few more days, Dora's aun' "She does n't sing to the guitar?" called upon her, in due state and forn said I. Similar but more friendly exchang( " dear, no!" said Traddles. took place afterwards, usually at inte " Paint at all? " vals of three or four weeks. I kno " Not at all," said Traddles. that my aunt distressed Dora's aun I promised Traddles that he should very much, by utterly setting at naugl hear Dora sing, and see some of her the dignity of fly-conveyance, and wall flower-painting. He said he should like ing out to Putney at extraordinary time it very much; and we went home arm- as shortly after breakfast or just befo; in-arm in great good-humor and delight. tea; likewise by wearing her bonnet I encouraged him to talk about Sophy, any manner that happened to be con on the way; which he did with a loving fortable to her head, without at all d reliance on her that I very much ad- ferring to the prejudices of civilizatic mired. I compared her in my mind on that subject. But Dora's aun with Dora, with considerable inward soon agreed to regard my aunt as z satisfaction; but I candidly admitted to eccentric and somewhat masculine lad myself that she seemed to be an excel- with a strong understanding; and a lent kind of girl for Traddles, too. though my aunt occasionally ruffled tl Of course my aunt was immediately feathers of Dora's aunts, by expressil made acquainted with the successful heretical opinions on various points issue of the conference, and with all ceremony, she loved me too well not that had been said and done in the sacrifice some of her little peculiariti course of it. She was happy to see me to the general harmony. so happy, and promised to call on Dora's The only member of our small sot aunts without loss of time. But she ety who positively refused to ada took such a long walk up and down our himself to circumstances was Jip. I rooms that night, while J was writing never saw my aunt without immediate to Agnes, that I began to think she displaying every tooth in his head, r meant to walk till morning. tiring under a chair, and growling i My letter to Agnes was a fervent and cessantly: with now and then a dol grateful one, narrating all the good ful howl, as if she really were too mum effects that had resulted from my follow- for his feelings. All kinds of treatme ing her advice. She wrote, by return were tried with him, -coaxing, scol of post, to me. Her letter was hopeful, ing, slapping, bringing him to Buckin earnest, and cheerful. She was always ham Street (where he instantly dash, cheerful from that time. at the two cats, to the terror of all b I had my hands more full than ever, holders); but he never could prev; now. My daily journeys to Highgate upon himself to bear my aunt's sociel considered, Putney was a long way off; He would sometimes think he had 1 and I naturally wanted to go there as the better of his objection, and be ami often as I could. The proposed tea- ble for a few minutes; and then wou OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 341 )ut up his snub nose, and howl to that said Dora, making a rosebud of her extent that there was nothing for it but mouth; "and I'11 be good." o blind him and put him in the plate- I was charmed by her presently askvarmer. At length, Dora regularly ing me, of her own accord, to give her nuffled him in a towel and shut him up that cookery-book I had once spoken here, whenever my aunt was reported of, and to show her how to keep acit the door. counts as I had once promised I would. One thing troubled me much, after I brought the volume with me on my ve had fallen into this quiet train. It next visit (I got it prettily bound, first, vas, that Dora seemed by one consent to make it look less dry and more invito be regarded like a pretty toy or play- ing); and as we strolled about the hing. My aunt, with whom she grad- Common, I showed her an old houseally became familiar, always called her keeping book of my aunt's, and gave little Blossom; and the pleasure of her a set of tablets, and a pretty little diss Lavinia's life was to wait upon pencil-case, and box of leads, to pracler, curl her hair, make ornaments for tise housekeeping with. ter, and treat her like a pet child. But the cookery-book made Dora's Vhat Miss Lavinia did, her sister did head ache, and the figures made her s a matter of course. It was very odd cry. They would n't add up, she said. o me; but they all seemed to treat So she rubbed them out, and drew little )ora, in her degree, much as Dora nosegays, and likenesses of me and Jip, reated Jip in his. all over the tablets. I made up my mind to speak to Dora Then I playfully tried verbal instrucbout this; and one day when we were tion in domestic matters, as we walked ut walking (for we were licensed by about on a Saturday afternoon. Someliss Lavinia, after a while, to go out times, for example, when we passed a talking by ourselves), I said to her butcher's shop, I would say, - hat I wished she could get them to be- " Now suppose, my pet, that we were ave towards her differently. married, and you were going to buy a " Because you know, my darling," I shoulder of mutton for dinner, would smonstrated,'you are not a child." you know how to buy it?" "There!" said Dora. "Now, you're My pretty little Dora's face would;oing to be cross! " fall, and she would make her mouth " Cross, my love?" into a bud again, as if she would very "I am sure they're very kind to much prefer to shut mine with a kiss. ie," said Dora, "and I am very " Would you know how to buy it, my appy." darling?" I would repeat, perhaps, if I "Well! But my dearest life! " said were very inflexible.,"you might be very happy, and yet Dora would think a little, and then e treated rationally." reply, perhaps with great triumph, - Dora gave me a reproachful look, - "Why, the butcher would know how ie prettiest look! -and then began to to sell it, and what need I know? 0,.b, saying, if I didn't like her, why you silly boy!" ad I ever wanted so much to be en- So, when I once asked Dora, with an aged to her? And why didn't I go eye to the cookery-book, what she way now, if I could n't bear her? would do, if we were married, and I What could I do but kiss away her were to say I should like a nice Irish rars, and tell her how I doted on her, stew, she replied that she would tell fter that! the servant to make it; and then "I am sure i am very affectionate," clapped her little hands together across aid Dora. " You ought n't to be cruel my arm, and laughed in such a charm) me, Doady!" ing manner that she was more delight" Cruel, my precious love! As if I ful than ever.,ould - or could - be cruel to you, for Consequently, the principal use to ie wold! " which the cookery-book was devoted "Then don't find fault with me," was being put down in the corner for 342 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Jip to stand upon. But Dora was so ness of many talents neglected, many pleased, when she had trained him to opportunities wasted, many erratic and stand upon it without offering to come perverted feelings constantly at war off, and at the same time to hold the within his breast, and defeating him. pencil-case in his mouth, that I was I do not hold one natural gift, I dare very glad I had bought it. say, that I have not abused. My And we fell back on the guitar-case, meaning simply is, that whatever I and the flower-painting, and the songs have tried to do in life, I have tried about never leaving off dancing, Ta ra with all my heart to do well; that la! and were as happy as the week was whatever I have devoted myself to, long. I occasionally wished I could I have devoted myself to completely; venture to hint to Miss Lavinia, that that, in great aims and in small, I have she treated the darling of my heart a always been thoroughly in earnest. I little too much like a plaything; and I have never believed it possible that any sometimes awoke, as it were, wonder- natural or improved ability can claim ing to find that I had fallen into the immunity from the companionship of general fault, and treated her like a the steady, plain, hard-working qualiplaything too, - but not often. ties, and hope to gain its end. There is no such thing as such fulfilment on this earth. Some happy talent, and some fortunate opportunity, may form CHAPTER XLII. the two sides of the ladder on which some men mount, but the rounds of that MISCHIEF. ladder must be made of stuff to stand wear and tear; and there is no substiI FEEL as if it were not for me to tute for thoroughgoing, ardent, and sinrecord, even though this manuscript is cere earnestness. Never to put one intended for no eyes but mine, how hand to anything, on which I could hard I worked at that tremendous throw my whole self, and never to afshort-hand, and all improvement apper- feet depreciation of my work, whatevei tainig to it, in my sense of responsibil- it was, I find, now, to have been my ity to Dora and her aunts. I will only golden rules. add to what I have already written of How much of the practice I have just my perseverance at this time of my life, reduced to precept I owe to Agnes, 1 and of a patient and continuous energy will not repeat here. My narrative which then began to be matured within proceeds to Agnes, with a thankfu2 me, and which I know to be the strong love. part of my character, if it have any She came on a visit of a fortnight tc strength at all, that there, on looking the Doctor's. Mr. Wickfield was the back, I find the source of my success. Doctor's old friend, and the Doctoi I have been very fortunate in worldly wished to talk with him, and do him matters; many men have worked much good. It had been matter of conversaharder, and not succeeded half so well; tion with Agnes when she was last ir but I never could have dole what I town, and this visit was the result. She have done, without the habits of punc- and her father came together. I wat tuality, order, and diligence, without not much surprised to hear from her the determination to concentrate myself that she had engaged to finid a lodging on one object at a time, no matter how in the neighborhood for Mrs. Heep. quickly its successor-should come upon whose rheumatic complaint requirec its heels, which I then formed. Heav- change of air, and'-;ho would be en knows I write this in no spirit of charmed to have it in such company. self-laudation. The man who reviews Neither was I surprised when, on the his own life, as I do mine, in going on very next day, Uriah, like a duti lul s91, here, from page to page, had need to brought his worthy mother to takoe poshave been a good man indeed, if he session. would be spared the sharp conscious- You see, Master Copperfield," said OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 343 he, as he forced himself upon my corn- Don't you know the Doctor better," pany for a turn in the Doctor's garden, said I, " than to suppose him conscious "where a person loves, a person is a of your existence, when you were not little jealous, - leastways, anxious to before him?" keep an eye on the beloved one." He directed his eyes at me in that "Of whom are you jealous, now?" sidelong glance again, and he made his said I. face very lantern-jawed, for the greater "Thanks to you, Master Copper- convenience of scraping, as he anfield," he returned, " of no one in par- swered, - ticular just at present, - no male per- "O dear, I am not referring to the son, at least." Doctor! O no, poor man! I mean " Do you mean that you are jealous Mr. Maldon! " of a female person? " My heart quite died within me. All He gave me a sidelong glance out of my old doubts and apprehensions on his sinister red eyes, and laughed. that subject, all the Doctor's happiness "Really, Master Copperfield," he and peace, all the mingled possibilities said, -"I should say Mlister, but I of innocence and compromise, that I know you'11 excuse the abit I've got could not unravel, I saw, in a moment, into, -you're so insinuating, that you at the mercy of this fellow's twistiraw me like a corkscrew! Well, I ing. lon't mind telling you," putting his " He never could come into the office, fish-like hand on mine, "I'm not a without ordering and shoving meabout," lady's man in general, sir, and I never said Uriah. "One of your fine gentlewas, with Mrs. Strong." men he was! I was very meek and His eyes looked green now, as they umble, - and I am. But I did n't like watched mine with a rascally cunning. that sort of thing, - and I don't! " "What do you mean?" said I. He left off scraping his chin, and "Why, though I am a lawyer, Mas- sucked in his cheeks until they seemed ter Copperfield," he replied, with a dry to meet inside; keeping his sidelong:rin, "I mean, just at present, what I glance upon me all the while. say." "She is one of your lovely women, "And what do you mean by your she is," he pursued, when he had slow-took? " I retorted, quietly. ly restored his face to its natural form; "By my look? Dear me, Copper- "and ready to be no friend to such as Field, that's sharp practice! What do me, I know. She's just the person as [ mean by my look? " would put my Agnes up to higher sort "Yes," said I. "By your look." of game. Now, I ain't one of your He seemed very much amused, and lady's men, Master Copperfield; but laughed as heartily as it was in his na- I've had eyes in my ed, a pretty long ture to laugh. After some scraping of time back. We umble ones have got his chin with his hand, he went on to eyes, mostly speaking, - and we look say, with his eyes cast downward,- out of'em." still scraping, very slowly:- I endeavored to appear unconscious " When I was but a numble clerk, and not disquieted, but, I saw in his she always looked down upon me. She face, with poor success. was forever having my Agnes backwards "Now, I'm not a going to let myself and forwards at her ouse, and she was be run down, Copperfield," he continforever being a friend to you, Master ued, raising that part of his counteCopperfield; but I was too far beneath nance, where his red eyebrows would her, myself, to be noticed." have been if he had had any, with ma"Well," said I, "suppose you lignant triumph, "and I shall do what were?" I can to put a stop to this friendship. "-And beneath him, too," pursued I don't approve of it. I don't mind Uriah, very distinctly, and in a medita- acknowledging to you that I've got tive tone of voice, as he continued to rather a grudging disposition, and want scrape his chin. to keep off all intruders. I ain't a go 344 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ing, if I know it, to run the risk of being well. She was-not in the drawing-room plotted against." when I presented Agnes to her little " You are always plotting, and delude aunts, but was shyly keeping out of the yourself into the belief that everybody way. I knew where to look for her, now else is doing the like, I think," said 1. and, sure enough I found her, stopping "Perhaps so, Master Copperfield," her ears again, behind the same dull he replied. " But I've got a motive, as old door. my fellow-partner used to say; and I go At first she wouldn't come at all; at it tooth and nail. I must n't be put and then she pleaded for five minutes upon, as a numble person, too much. I by my watch. When at length she can't allow people in my way. Really put her arm through mine, to be taken they must come out of the cart, Master to the drawing-room, her charming litCopperfield! " te face was flushed, and had never " I don't understand you," said I. been so pretty. But when we went in" Don't you, though? " he returned, to the room, and it turned pale, she was with one ofhisjerks. " I'm astonished ten thousand times prettier yet. at that, Master Copperfield, you being Dora was afraid of Agnes. She had usually so quick! I'11 try to be plain- told me that she knew Agnes was "too er, another time. - Is that Mr. Maldon clever." But when she saw her looking a-norseback, ringing at the gate, sir?" at once so cheerful and so earnest, and " It looks like him," I replied, as so thoughtful and so good, she gave a carelessly as I could. faint little cry of pleased surprise, and Uriah stopped short, put his hands just put her affectionate arms round Agbetween his great knobs of knees, and nes's neck, and laid her innocent cheek doubled himself up with laughter. against her face. With perfectly silent laughter. Not a I never was so happy. I never was so sound escaped from him. I was so re- pleased as when I saw those two sit down pelled by his odious behavior, particu- together side by side. As when I saw larly by this concluding instance, that my little darling looking up so naturally I turned away without any ceremony; to those cordial eyes. As when I saw and left him doubled up in the mid- the tender, beautiful regard which Ag-. dle of the garden, like a scarecrow in nes cast upon her. want of support. Miss Lavinia and Miss Clarissa parIt was not on that evening, but, as I took, in their way, of my joy. It was-the well remember, on tle next evening but pleasantest tea-table inthe world. Miss one, which was a Saturday, that I took Clarissa presided. I cut and handed Agnes to see Dora. I had arranged the sweet seed-cake, - the little sisters the visit beforehand with Miss Lavinia; had a bird-like fondness for picking up and Agnes was expected to tea. seeds and pecking at sugar; Miss LaI wasin a flutterofpride and anxiety,- vinia looked on with benignant patronpride in my dear little betrothed, and age, as if our happy love were all her anxiety that Agnes should like her. All work; and we were perfectly contented the way to Putney, Agnes being inside with ourselves and one another. the stage-coach, and I outside, I pic- The gentle cheerfulness of Agnes went tured Dora to myself in every one of the to all their hearts. Her quiet interest in pretty looks I knew so well; now mak- everything that interested Dora; her ing up my mind that I should like her to manner of making acquaintance with look exactly as she looked at such a Jip (who responded instantly); her time, and then doubting whether I pleasant way when Dora was ashamed should not prefer her looking as she to come over to her usual seat by me; looked at such another time; and al- her modest grace and ease, eliciting a most worrying myself into a fever about crowd of blushing little marks of conit. fidence from Dora, - seemed to make I was troubled by no doubt of her be- our circle quite complete. ing very pretty, in any case; but it fell " I am so glad," said Dora, after tea, out that I had never seen her look so "that you like me. I didn't think you, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 345 would i and I want, more than ever, to "No blood-relation," I replied; "but be liked, now Julia Mills is gone." we were brought up together, like I have omitted to mention it, by the brother and sister." by. Miss Mills had sailed, and Dora "I wonder why you ever fell in love and I had gone aboard a great East- with me?" said Dora, beginning on Indiaman at Gravesend to see her; and another button of my coat. we had had preserved ginger and guava "Perhaps because I couldn't see and other delicacies of that sort for you, and not love you, Dora!" lunch; and we had left Miss Mills " Suppose you had never seen me at weeping on a camp-stool on the quarter- all," said Dora, going to another butdeck, with a large new diary under her ton. arm, in which the original reflections "Suppose we had neverbeen born!" awakened by the contemplation of said I, gayly. Ocean were to be recorded under lock I wondered what she was thinking and key. about, as I glanced in admiring silence Agnes said she was afraid I must at the little soft hand travelling up the have given her an unpromising charac- row of buttons on my coat, and at the ter; but Dora corrected that directly. clustering hair that lay against my " O no! " she said, shaking her curls breast, and at the lashes of her downat me; "it was all praise. He thinks cast eyes, slightly rising as they followed so much of your opinion, that I was her idle fingers. At length her eyes quite afraid of it." were lifted up to mine, and she stood " My good opinion cannot strengthen on tiptoe to give me, more thoughtfully his attachment to some people whom than usual, that precious little kiss, - he knows," said Agnes, with a smile; once, twice, three times,- and went out " it is not worth their having." of the room. "But please let me have it," said They all came back together within Dora, in her coaxing way, "if you five minutes afterwards, and Dora's uncan!" usual thoughtfulness was quite gone We made merry about Dora's want- then. She was laughingly resolved to ing to be liked, and Dora said I was a put Jip through the whole of his pergoose, and she didn't like me at any formances, before the coach came. rate, and the short evening flew away They took some time (not so much on on gossamer-wings. The time was at account of their variety, as Jip's reluchand when the coach was to call for us. tance), and were still unfinished when I was standing alone before the fire, it was heard at the door. There was a when Dora came stealing softly in, to hurried but affectionate parting between give me that usual precious little kiss Agnes and herself; and Dora was to before I went. write to Agnes (who was not to mind "Don't you think, if I had had her her letters being foolish, she said), and for a friend a long time ago, Doady," Agnes was to write to Dora; and they said Dora, her bright eyes shining very had a second parting at the coach door, brightly, and her little right hand idly and a third when Dora, in spite of the busying itself with one of the buttons remonstrances of Miss Lavinia, would of my coat, "I might have been more come running out once more to remind clever perhaps?" Anes at the coach window about writ"My love " said I, "what non- ing, and to shake her curls at me on sense!" the box. " Do you think it is nonsense? " re- * The stage-coach was to put us down turned Dora, without looking at me. near Covent Garden, where we were to "Are you sure it is?" take another stage-coach for Highgate. "Of course I am!" I was impatient for the short walk in "I have forgotten," said Dora, still the interval, that Agnes might praise turning the button round and round, Dora to me. Ah! what praise it was I "what relation Agnes is to you, you How lovingly and fervently did it comdear bad boy." mend the pretty creature I had. won, 346 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE with all her artless graces best dis- "Probably a long time," she replied; played, to my most gentle care! How "I think it will be best-for papa's thoughtfully remind me, yet with no sake —to remain at home. We are not pretence of doing so, of the trust in likely to meet often, for some time to which I held the orphan child! come; but I shall be a good corresponNever, never, had I loved Dora so dent of Dora's, and we shall frequently deeply and truly as I loved her that hear of one another that way." night. When we had again alighted, We were now within the little court: and were walking in the starlight along yard of the Doctor's cottage. It was the quiet road that led to the Doctor's growing late. There was a light in the house, I told Agnes it was her doing. window of Mrs. Strong's chamber, and "When you were sitting by her," Agnes, pointing to it, bade me good said I, " you seemed to be no less her night. guardian angel than mine; and you "Do not be troubled," she said, givseem so now, Agnes." ing me her hand, "by our misfortunes "A poor angel," she returned, "but and anxieties. I can be happier in faithful." nothing than in your happiness. If you The clear tone of her voice, going can ever give me help, rely upon it, I straight to my heart, made it natural to will ask you for it. God bless you me to say, - always! " "The cheerfulness that belongs to In her beaming smile, and in these you, Agnes (and to no one else that ever last tones of her cheerful voice, I I have seen), is so restored, I have ob- seemed again to see and hear my little served to-day, that I have begun to hope Dora in her company. I stood awhile, you are happier at home? " looking through the porch at the stars, " I am happier in myself," she said. with a heart full of love and gratitude, "I am quite cheerful and light-heart- and then walked slowly forth. I had ed." engaged a bed at a decent alehouse I glanced at the serene face looking close by, and was going out at the gate, upward, and thought it was the stars when, happening to turn my head, I saw that made it seem so noble. a light in the Doctor's study. A half"There has been no change at reproachful fancy came into my mind, home," said Agnes, after a few mo- that he had been working at the Dicments. tionary without my help. With the " No fresh reference," said I, "to - view of seeing if this were so, and, in I wouldn't distress you, Agnes, but I any case, of bidding him good night, if cannot help asking - to what we spoke he were vet sitting among his books, of, when we parted last?" I turned back, and going softly across " No, none," she answered. the hall, and gently opening the door, " I have thought so much about it." looked in. " You must think less about it. Re- The first person whom I saw, to my member that I confide in simple love surprise, by the sober light of the shadand truth at last. Have no apprehen- ed lamp, was Uriah. He was standing sions for me, Trotwood," she added, close beside it, with one of his skeleton after a moment. "The step you dread hands over his mouth, and the other my taking, I shall never take." resting on the Doctor's table. The Although I think I had never really Doctor sat in his study-chair, covering feared it, in any season of cool reflec- his face with his hands. Mr. Wickfield, tion, it was an unspeakable relief to me sorely troubled and distressed, was to have this assurance from her own leaning forward, irresolutely touching truthful lips. I told her so, earnestly. the Doctor's arm. "And when this visit is over," said I, For an instant, I supposed that the "for we may not be alone another Doctor was ill. I hastily advanced a time, - how long is it likely to be, my step under that impression, when I met dear Agnes, before you come to Lon- Uriah's eye, and saw what was the matdon again?" ter, I would have withdrawn but the OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 347 Doctor made a gesture to detain me, he proceeded, "that any one may gee and I remained. that Mr. Maldon, and the lovely and "At any rate," observed Uriah, with agreeable lady as is Doctor Strong's a writhe of his ungainly person, "we wife, are too sweet on one another. may keep the door shut. We needn't Really the time is come (we being at make it known to ALL the town." present all mixing ourselves up with Saying which, he went on his toes to what ought n't to be), when Doctor the door, which I had left open, and Strong must be told that this was full as carefully closed it. He then came back, plain to everybody as the sun, before and took up his former position. There Mr. Maldon went to India; that Mr. was an obtrusive show of compassionate Maldon made excuses to come back, for zeal in his voice and manner, more in- nothing else; and that he's always here, tolerable - at least to me - than any for nothing else. When you come in, sir, demeanor he could have assumed. I was just putting it to my fellow-part"I have felt it incumbent upon me, ner," towards whom he turned, "to say Master Copperfield," said Uriah, "to to Doctor Strong, upon his word and point out to Doctor Strong what you and honor, whether he'd ever been of his me have already talked about. You opinion long ago, or not. Come, Mr. didn't exactly understand me, though!" Wickfield, sir! Would you be so good I gave him a look, but no other an- as tell us? Yes or no, sir? Come, swer, and, going to my good old master, partner! " said a few words that I meant to be " For God's sake, my dear Doctor," words of comfort and encouragement. said Mr. Wickfield, again laying his He put his hand upon my shoulder, as irresolute hand upon the Doctor's arm, it had been his custom to do when I was " don't attach too much weight to any quite a little fellow, but did not lift his suspicions I may have entertained." gray head. " There! " cried Uriah, shaking his "As you did n't understand me, Mas- head. "What a melancholy confirmater Copperfield," resumed Uriah in the tion, ain't it! Him! Such an old same officious manner, "I may take friend! Bless your soul, when I was the. liberty of umbly mentioning, being nothing but a clerk in his office, Copamong friends, that I have called Doc- perfield, I've seen him twenty times, if tor Strong's attention to the goings-on I've seen him once, quite in a taking of Mrs. Strong. It's much against the about it, - quite put out, you know (and grain with me, I assure you, Copperfield, very proper in him as a father; I'm to be concerned in anything so unpleas- sure I can't blame him), to think that ant; but really, as it is, we're all mix- Miss Agnes was mixing herself up with ing ourselves up with what ought n't to what ought n't to be." be. That was what my meaning was, " My dear Strong," said Mr. Wicksir, when you didn't understand me." field in a tremulous voice, "my good I wonder now, when I recall his friend, I need n't tell you that it has been leer, that I did not collar him, and try my vice to look for some one master to shake the breath out of his body. motive in everybody, and to try all ac"I dare say I didn't make myself tions by one narrow test. I may have very clear," he went on, "nor you fallen into such doubts as I have had, neither. Naturally, we was both of us through this mistake." inclined to give such a subject a wide "You have had doubts, Wickfield," berth. Hows'ever, at last I have made said the Doctor, without lifting up his up my mind to speak plain; and I have head. "You have haddoubts." mentioned to Doctor Strong that - did "Speak up, fellow-partner," urged you speak, sir? " Uriah. This was to the Doctor, who had "I had, at one time, certainly," said moaned. The sound might have touched Mr. Wickfield. "I - God forgive me any heart, I thought, but it had no -I thoughtyou had." effect upon Uriah's. "No, no, no!" returned the Doctor, "-Mentioned to Doctor Strong," in a tone of most pathetic grief. 348 PERSONAL - HISTORY- AND EXPERIENCE "I thought, at one time," said Mr. "I am sure," said Uriah, writhing Wickfield, "that you wished to send himself into the silence like a CongerMaldon abroad to effect a desirable eel, "that this is a subject full of unseparation." pleasantness to everybody. But since " No, no, no!" returned the Doctor. we have got so far, I ought to take the' To give Annie pleasure, by making liberty of mentioning that Copperfield some provision for the companion of her has noticed it too." childhood. Nothing else." I turned upon him, and asked him "So I found," said Mr. Wickfield. how he dared refer to me. " I could n't doubt it, when you told me "0, it's very kind of you, Copperso. But I thought-I implore you field," returned Uriah, undulating all to remember the narrow construction over, " and we all know what an amiawhich has been my besetting sin- ble character yours is; but you know that, in a case where there was so much that the moment I spoke to you the disparity in point of years-" other night, you knew what I meant.'That's the way to put it, you see, You know you knew what I meant, Master Copperfield!" observed Uriah, Copperfield. Don't deny it! You deny with fawning and offensive pity. it with the best intentions; but don't "-A lady of such youth, and such do it, Copperfield." attractions, however real her respect I saw the mild eye of the good old for you, might have been influenced Doctor turned upon me for a moment, in marrying, by worldly considerations and I felt that the confession of my old only. I made no allowance for in- misgivings and remembrances was too numerable feelings and circumstances plainly written in my face to be overthat may have all tended to good. For looked. It was of no use raging. I Heaven's sake remember that! " could not undo that. Say what I would, " How kind he puts it! " said Uriah, I could not unsay it. shaking his head. We were silent again, and remained "Always observing her from one so, until the Doctor rose and walked point of view," said Mr. Wickfield; twice or thrice across the room. Pres" but by all that is dear to you, my old ently he returned to where his chair friend, I entreat you to consider what stood; and, leaning on the back of it, it was; I am forced to confess now, and occasionally putting his handkerhaving no escape-" chief to his eyes, with a simple honesty "No! There's no way out of it, that did him more honor, to my thinkMr. Wickfield, sir," observed Uriah, ing, than any disguise he could have " when it's got to this." affected, said:"-That I did," said Mr. Wickfield, "I have been much to blame. I beglancing helplessly and distractedly at his lieve I have been very much to blame. partner, -" that I did doubt her, and I have exposed one whom I hold in my think her wanting in her duty to you; heart to trials and aspersions -I call and that I did sometimes, if I must say them aspersions, even to have been all, feel averse to Agnes. being in such a conceived in anybody's inmost mind - familiar relation towards her, as to see of which she never, but for me, could what I saw, or in my diseased theory have been the object." fancied that I saw. I never mentioned Uriah Heep gave a kind of snivel. I this to any one. I never meant it to be think to express sympathy. known to any one. And though it is "Of which my Annie," said the Docterrible to you to hear," said Mr. Wick- tor, "never, but for me, could have field, quite subdued, " if you knew how been the object. Gentlemen, I am old terrible it is to me to tell, you would now, as you know; I do not feel, tofeel compassion for me!" night, that I have much to live or. The Doctor, in the perfect goodness But my life - my Life - upon the truth of his nature, put out his hand. Mr. and honor of the dear lady who has Wickfield held it for a little while in been the subject of this conversation!" his, with his head bowed down. I do not think that the best embbdi OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 349 ment of chivalry, the realization of the His homely figure seemed to be handsomest and most romantic figure lightened up by his fidelity and generosever imagined by painter, could have ity. Every word he uttered had a force said this with a more impressive and that no other grace could have imparted affecting dignity than the plain old to it. Doctor did. " My life with this lady has been very " But I am not prepared," he went happy. Until to-night I have had unon, "to deny-perhaps I may have interrupted occasion to bless the day been, without knowing it, in some de- on which I did her great injustice." gree prepared to admit-that I may His voice, more and more faltering have unwittingly ensnared that lady in- in the utterance of these words, stopped to an unhappy marriage. I am a man for a few moments; then he went quite unaccustomed to observe; and I on:cannot but believe that the observation "Once awakened from my dreamof several people, of different ages and I have been a poor dreamer, in one way positions, all too plainly tending in one or other, all my life - I see how natural direction (and that so natural), is better it is that she should have some regretful than mine." feeling towards her old companion and I have often admired, as I have else- her equal. T'hat she does regard him where described, his benignant manner with some innocent regret, with some towards his youthful wife; but the re- blameless thoughts of what might have spectful tenderness he manifested in been, but for me, is, I fear, too true. every reference to her on this occasion, Much that I have seen, but not noted, and the almost reverential manner in has come back upon me with new mnanwhich he put away from him the light- ing, during this last trying hour. But, est doubt of her integrity, exalted him, beyond this, gentlemen, the dear lady's in my eyes, beyond description. name never must be coupled with a " I married that lady," said the Doc- word, a breath, of doubt." tor, "when she was extremely young. For a little while his eye kindled and I took her to myself when her character his voice was firm; for a little while he was scarcely formed. So far as it was was again silent. Presently he prodeveloped, it had been my happiness ceeded as before: - to form it. I knew h er father well. I "It only remains for me to bear the knew her well. I had taught her what knowledge of the unhappiness I have I could, for the love of all her beautiful occasioned as submissively as I can. and virtuous qualities. If I did her It is she who should reproach; not I. wrong, - as I fear I did, in taking ad- To save her from misconstruction, vantage (but I never meant it) of her cruel misconstruction, that even my gratitude and her affection, - I ask par- friends have not been able to avoid, don of that lady, in my heart!" becomes my duty. The more retired He walked across the room, and we live, the better I shall discharge it. came back to the same place; holding And when the'time comes —may it the chair with a grasp that trembled, come'soon, if it be His merciful pleaslike his subdued voice, in its earnest- ure!- when my death shall release her ness. from constraint, I shall close my eyes "I regarded myself as a refuge, for upon her honored face, with unbounded her, from the dangers and vicissitudes confidence and love, and leave her, of life. I persuaded myself, that, un- with no sorrow then, to happier and equal though we were in years, she brighter days." would live tranquilly and contentedly I could not see him for the tears which with me. I did not shut out of my his earnestnessand goodness, so adorned consideration the time when I should by and so adorning, the perfect simplicileave her free, and still young and still ty of his manner, brought into my eyes. beautiful, but with her judgment more He had moved to the door, when he matured -no, gentlemen, upon my added: - truth 1" "Gentlemen, I have shown you my 350 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE heart. I am sure you will respect it. Why should I dread your doing your What we have said to-night is never to worst to all about you? What else do be said more. Wickfield, give me an you ever do?" old'friend's arm up stairs! " He perfectly understood this allusion Mr. Wickfield hastened to him. to the considerations that had hitherto Without interchanging a word, they restrained me in my communications went slowly out of the room together, with him. I rather think that neither Uriah looking after them. the blow, nor the allusion, would have "Well, Master Copperfield!" said escaped me, but for the assurance I had Uriah, meekly turning to me. "The had from Agnes that night. It is no thing hasn't took quite the turn that matter. might have been expected, for the old There was another long pause. His Scholar-what an excellent man!- eyes, as he looked at me, seemed to is as blind as a brickbat; but this fami- take every shade of color that could ly's out of the cart, I think!" make eyes ugly. T leeded but the sound of his voice " Copperfield," he said, removing his toAbe so madly enraged as I never was hand from his cheek,, " you have always before, and never have been since. gone against me. I know you always "You villain," said I, "what do you used to be against me at Mr. Wickmean by entrapping me into your field's." schemes? How dare you appeal to me "You may think what you like," just now, you false rascal, as if we had said I, still in a towering rage. " If been in discussion together?" it is not true, so much the worthier As we stood, front to front, I saw so you." plainly, in the stealthy exultation of his "And yet I always liked you, Copperface, what I already so plainly knew, - field," he rejoined. I mean that he forced his confidence I deigned to make him no reply, upon me, expressly to make me miser- and, taking up my hat, was going out able, and had set a deliberate trap for to bed, when he came between me and me in this very matter, - that I could n't the door. bear it. The whole of his lank cheek " Copperfield," he said, " there must was invitingly before me, and I struck be two parties to a quarrel. I won't be it with my open hand with that force one." that my fingers tingled as if I had "You may go to the Devil! " said I. burnt them. "Don't say that!" he replied. "I He caught the hand in his, and we know you'11 be sorry afterwards. How stood in that connection, looking at can you make yourself so inferior to each other. We stood so a long time; me as to show such a bad spirit? But long enough for me to see the white I forgive you." marks of my fingers die out of the deep "You forgive me!" I repeated, disred of his cheek, and leave it a deeper dainfully. red. " I do; and you can't help yourself," " Copperfield," he said at length, in replied Uriah. "To think of your goa breathless voice, "have you taken ing and attacking re, that have always leave of your senses? " been a friend to you I But there can't " I have taken leave of you," said I, be a quarrel without two parties, and I wresting my hand away. "You dog, won't be one. I will be a friend to you, I'11 know no more of vou." in spite of you. So you know what "Won't you?" said he, constrained you've got to expect." by the pain of his cheek to put his hand The necessity of carrying on this diathere. " Perhaps you won't be able to logue (his part in which was very slow; help it. Isn't this ungrateful of you, mine very quick). in a low tone, that the now?" house might not be disturbed atan unsea"I have shown you often enough," sonablehour,didnotimprovemytemper, said I, "that I despise you. I have though my passion was cooling down. shownyou now, more plainly, that I do. Merely telling him that I should ex OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 35I pect from him what I always had ex- one else. It was not a subject I could pected, and had never yet been disap- discuss with Agnes, and Agnes certainly pointed in, I opened the door upon had not the least suspicion of what had him, as if he had been a great walnut passed. put there to be cracked, and went out Neither, I felt convinced, had Mrs. of the house. But he slept out of the Strong then. Several weeks elapsed house, too, at his mother's lodging; before I saw the least change in her. and before I had gone many hundred It came on slowly, like a cloud when yards, came up with me. there is no wind. At first, she seemed "You know, Copperfield," he said, to wonder at the gentle compassion in my ear (I did not turn my head), with which the Doctor spoke to her, "you're in quite a wrong position"; and at his wish that she should have which I felt to be true, and that made her mother with her, to relieve the dull me chafe the more; "you can't make monotony of her life. Often, when we this a brave thing, and you can't help were at work, and she was sitting by I being forgiven. I don't intend to men- would see her pausing and lookig at tion it to mother, nor to any living soul. him with that memorable face. A'terI'm determined to forgive you. But I wards, I sometimes observed her rise, do wonder that you should lift your with her eyes full of tears, and go out hand against a person that you knew to of the room. Gradually, an unhappy be so umble!" shadow fell upon her beauty, and deepI felt only less mean than he. He ened every day. Mrs. Markleham was knew me better than I knew myself a regular inmate of the cottage then; If he had retorted or openly exasperated but she talked and talked and saw nothme, it would have been a relief and a ing. justification; but he had put me on a As this change stole on Annie, once slow fire, on which I lay tormented half like sunshine in the Doctor's house, the night. the Doctor became older in appearance, In the morning when I came out, the and more grave; but the sweetness of early church-bell was ringing, and he his temper, the placid kindness of his was walking up and down with his manner, and his benevolent solicitude mother. He addressed me as if noth- for her, if they were capable of any ing had happened, and I could do no increase, were increased. I saw him less than reply. I had struck him hard once, early on the morning of her birthenough to give him the toothache, I sup- day, when she came to sit in the winpose. At all events his face was tied dow while we were at work (which she up in a black-silk handkerchief, which, had always done, but now began to do with his hat perched on the top of it, with a timid and uncertain air that I was far from improving his appearance. thought very touching), take her foreI heard that he went to a dentist's in head between his hands, kiss it, and go London on the Monday morning, and hurriedly away, too much moved to rehad a tooth out. I hope it was a double main. I saw her stand where he had one, left her, like a statue; and then bend The Doctor gave out that he was not down her head, and clasp her hands, quite well; and he remained alone, for and weep, I cannot say how sorrowa considerable part of every day, during fully. the remainder of the visit. Agnes and Sometimes, after that, I fancied that her father had been gone a week, before she tried to speak, even to me, in interwe resumed our usual work. On the vals when we were left alone. But she day preceding its resumption, the Doc- never uttered word. The Doctor altor gave me with his own hands a fold- ways had some new project for her pared note not sealed,-it was addressed ticipating in amusements away from to myself, -and laid an injunction on home, with her mother; and Mrs. Marme, in a few affectionate words, never kleham, who was very fond of amuseto refer to the subject of that evening. ments, and very easily dissatisfied with I had confided it to my aunt, but to no anything else, entered into them with 353 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCK great good-will, and was loud in her down with the Doctor, delighted to be commendations. But Annie, in a spirit- battered by the hard words in the Dieless, unhappy way, only went whither tionary; when I think of him carrying she was led, and seemed to have no huge watering-pots after Annie, kneelcare for anything. ing down in very paws of gloves, at I did not know what to think, patient microscopic work among the Neither did my aunt: who must have little leaves; expressing, as no philos6walked, at various times, a hundred pher could have expressed, in every miles in her uncertainty. What was thing he did, a delicate desire to be her strangest of all was, that the only real friend; showering sympathy, trustfulrelief which seemed to make its way ness, and affection out of every hole in into the secret region of this domestic the watering-pot; when I think of him unhappiness, made its way there in the never wandering in that better mind of person of Mr. Dick. his to which unhappiness addressed What his thoughts were on the sub- itself, never bringing the unfortunate Jlct, or what his observation was, I am King Charles into the garden, never as iunable to explain as I dare say he wavering in his grateful service, never would have been to assist me in the diverted from his knowledge that there task. But, as I have recorded in the was something wrong, or from his wish narrative of my school days, his venera- to set it right,- I really feel almost tion for the Doctor was unbounded; ashamed of having known that he was and there is a subtlety of perception in not quite in his wits, taking account of real attachment, even when it is borne the utmost I have done with mine. towards man by one of the lower ani- "Nobody but myself, Trot, knows mals, which leaves the highest intellect what that man is!" my aunt would behind. To this mind of the heart, if I proudly remark, when we conversed may call it so, in Mr. Dick, some bright about it. "P ick will distinguish himray of the truth shot straight. self yet! " He had proudly resumed his privi- I must refer to one other topic before lege, in many of his spare hours, of I close this chapter. While the visit at walking up and down the garden with the Doctor's was still in progress, I obthe Doctor; as he had been accustomed served that the postman brought two or to pace up and down The Doctor's three letters every morning for Uriah Walk at Canterbury. But matters were Heep, who remained at Highgate until no sooner in this state, than he devoted the rest went back, it being a leisure all his spare time (and got up earlier to time; and that these were always dimake it more) to these perambulations. rected in a business-like mannerby Mr. If he had never been so happy as when Micawber, who now assumed a round the Doctor read that marvellous per- legal hand. I was glad to infer, from formance, the Dictionary, to him, he these slight premises, that Mr. Micawwas now quite miserable unless the ber was doing well, and consequently Doctor pulled it out of his pocket, and was much surprised to receive, about began. When the Doctor and I were this time, the following letter from his engaged, he now fell into the custom of amiable wife. walking up and down with Mrs. Strong, and helping her to trim her favorite "CANTERBURY, Monday Evening. flowers, or weed the beds. I dare say "You will doubtless be surprised, my he rarely spoke a dozen words in an dear Mr. Copperfield, to receive this hour; but his quiet interest, and his communication. Still more so, by its wistful face, found immediate response contents. Still more so, by the stipulain both their breasts. Each knew that tion of implicit confidence which I beg the other liked him, and that he loved to impose. But my feelings as a wife both; and he became what no one else and mother require relief; and as I do could be, - a link between them. not wish to consult my family (already When I think of him, with his im- obnoxious to the feelings-ofMr. Micawpenetrably wise face, walking up and ber), I know no one of whom I ca bet OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 33 ter ask advice than my friend and for- dren, and a smile from the happily unmer lodger. conscious stranger, I remain, dear Mr. "You may be aware, my dear Mr. Copperfield, Copperfield, that between myself and "Your afflicted Mr. Micawber (whom I will never "EMMA MICAWBER." desert), there has always been preserved a spirit of mutual confidence. I did not feel justified in giving a wife Mr. Micawber may have occasionally of Mrs. Micawber's experience any given a bill without consulting me, or other recommendation, than that she he may have misled me as to the period should try to reclaim Mr. Micawber when that obligation would become by patience and kindness (as I knew due. This has actually happened. she would in any case); but the letter But, in general, Mr. Micawber has had set me thinking about him very much. no secrets from the bosom of affection, -I allude to his wife, - and has invariably, on our retirement to rest, recalled the events of the day. CHAPTER XLIII. "You will picture to yourself, my dear Mr. Copperfield, what the poignan- ANOTHER RETROSPECT. cy of my feelings must be, when I inform you that Mr. Micawber is entirely ONCE again, let me pause upon a changed. He is reserved. He is secret. memorable period of my life. Let me His life is a mystery to the partner of stand aside, to see the phantoms of his joys and sorrows, - I again allude to those days go by me, accompanying the his wife, - and if I should assure you, shadow of myself, in dim procession. that, beyond knowing that it is passed Weeks, months, seasons, pass along. from morning till night at the office, I They seem little more than a summer now know less of it than I do of the man day and a winter evening. Now, the in the south, connected with whose Common where I walk with Dora is all mouth the thoughtless children repeat in bloom, a field of bright gold; and an idle tale respecting cold plum por- now the unseen heather lies in mounds ridge, I should adopt a popular fallacy and bunches underneath a covering of to express an actual fact. snow. In a breath, the river that flows " But this is not all. Mr. Micawber through our Sunday walks is sparkling is morose. He is severe. He is es- in the summer sun, is ruffled by the tranged from our eldest son and daugh- winter wind, or thickened with drifting ter; he has no pride in his twins; he heaps of ice. Faster than ever river looks with an eye of coldness even on ran towards the sea, it flashes, darkens, the unoffending stranger who last be- and rolls away. came a member of our circle. The Not a thread changes in the house pecuniary means of meeting our ex- of the two little bird-like ladies. The penses, kept down to the utmost far- clock ticks over the fireplace, the thing, are obtained from him with great weather-glass hangs in the hall. Neithdifficulty, and even under fearful threats er clock nor weather-glass is ever right; that he will Settle himself (the exact but we believe in both, devoutly. expression); and he inexorably refuses I have come legally to man's estate. to give any explanation whatever of this I have attained the dignity of twentydistracting policy. one. But this is a sort of dignity that "This is hard to bear. This is may be thrust upon one. Let me think heart-breaking. If you will advise me, what I have achieved. knowing my feeble powers such as they I have tamed that savage stenoare, how you think it will be best to graphic mystery. I make a respectable exert them in a dilemma so unwonted, income by it. I am in high repute for you will add another friendly obliga- my accomplishment in all pertaining to tion to the many you have already ren- the art, and am joined with eleven othdeied me. With loves from the chil- ers in reporting the debates in Parlia23 354 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ment for a Morning Newspaper. Night ever canary-birds were in a flutter, they after night, I record predictions that are. Miss Lavinia, self-charged with never come to pass, professions that are the superintendence of my darling's never fulfilled, explanations that are wardrobe, is constantly cutting out only meant to mystify. I wallow' in brown-paper cuirasses, and differing in words. Britannia, that unfortunate fe- opinion from a highly respectable young male, is always before me, like a trussed man, with a long bundle, and a yard fowl, -skewered through and through measure under his arm. A dressmaker, with office-pens, and bound hand and always stabbed in the breast with a foot with red tape. I am sufficiently needle and thread, boards and lodges behind the scenes to know the worth in the house, and seems to me, eating, of political life. I am quite an infidel drinking, or sleeping, never to take her about it, and shall never be converted. thimble off. They make a lay-figure of My dear old Traddles has tried his my dear. They are always sending for hand at the same pursuit, but it is not her to come and try something on. We iff'rraddles's way. He is perfectly good- can't be happy together for five minutes hamored respecting his failure, and re- in the evening, but some intrusive feminds me that he always did consider male knocks at the door, and says, " 0, himself slow. He has occasional em- if you please, Miss Dora, would you ployment on the same newspaper, in step up stairs! " getting up the facts of dry subjects, to Miss Clarissa and my aunt roam all be written about and embellished by over London, to find out articles of more fertile minds. He is called to the furniture for Dora and me to look at. bar; and with admirable industry and It would be better for them to buy the self-denial has scraped another hundred goods at once, without this ceremony of pounds together, to fee a conveyancer inspection; for, when we go to see a whose chambers he attends. A great kitchen fender and meat-screen, Dora deal of very hot port wine was con- sees a Chinese house for Jip, with little sumed at his call: and, considering the bells on the top, and prefers that. And figure, I should think the Inner Temple it takes a long time to accustom Jip to must have made a profit by it. his new residence, after we have bought I have come out in another way. I it. Whenever he goes in or out, he have taken with fear and trembling to makes all the little bells ring, and is authorship. I wrote a little something, horribly frightened. in secret, and sent it to a magazine, and Peggotty comes up to make herself it was published in the magazine. useful, and falls to work immediately. Since then, I have taken heart to write Her department appears to be, to clean a good many trifling pieces. Now, I everything over and over again. She am regularly paid for them. Altogeth- rubs everything that can be rubbed, er, I am well off; when I tell my in- until it shines, like her own honest forecome on the fingers of my left hand, I head, with perpetual friction. And pass the third finger and take in the now it is, that I begin to see her solifourth to the middle joint. tary brother passing through the dark We have removed from Buckingham streets at night, and looking, as he goes, Street, to a pleasant little cottage very among the wandering faces. I never near the one I looked at, when my en- speak to him at such an hour. 1 know thusiasm first came on. My aunt, how- too well, as his grave figure passes ever (who has sold the house at Dover, onward, what he seeks, and what he to good advantage), is not going to re- dreads. main here, but intends removing herself Why does Traddles look so important to a still more tiny cottage close at when he calls upon me this afternoon hand. What does this portend? My in the Commons, -where I still occamarriage? Yes! sionally attend, for form's sake, when I Yes! I am going to be married to have time? The realization of my Dora Miss Lavinia and Miss Clar- boyish day-dreams is at hand. I am issa have given their consent; and if goig to take out the license. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 355 It is a little document to do so much; I hear him, and shake hands with and Traddles contemplates it, as it lies him; and we talk, and walk, and dine, upon my desk, half in admiration, half and so on; but I don't believe it. Nothin awe. There are the names in the ing is real. sweet old visionary connection, - David Sophy arrives at the house of Dora's Copperfield and Dora Spenlow; and aunts, m due course. She has the there, in the corner, is that Parental most agreeable of faces, -not absoInstitution, the Stamp Office, which is lutelybeautiful,butextraordinarilypleasso benignantly interested in the various ant, - and is one of the most genial, transactions of human life, looking down unaffected, frank, engaging creatures I upon our Union; and there is the have ever seen. Traddles presents her Archbishop of Canterbury invoking a to us with great pride, and rubs his blessing on us in print, and doing it as hands for ten minutes by the clock, with cheap as could possibly be expected. every individual hair upon his head Nevertheless, I am in a dream, a standing on tiptoe, when I congratulate flustered, happy, hurried dream. I can't him in a corner on his choice. believe that it is going to be; and yet I I have brought Agnes from the (MTcan't believe but that every one I pass terbury coach, and her cheerful and in the street must have some kind of beautiful face is among us for the second perception, that I am to be married the time. Agnes has a great liking for day after to-morrow. The Surrogate Traddles, and it is capital to see them knows me, when I go down to be sworn; meet, and to observe the glory of Tradand disposes of me easily, as if there dies as he commends the dearest girl were a Masonic understanding between in the world to her acquaintance. us. Traddles is not at all wanted, but Still I don't believe it. We have a is in attendance as my general backer. delightful evening, and are supremely " I hope the next time you come here, happy; but I don't believe it yet. I my dear fellow," I say to Traddles, "it can't collect myself. I can't check off will be on the same errand for yourself my happiness as it takes place. I feel And I hope it will be soon." in a misty and unsettled kind of state, "Thank you for your good wishes, as if I had got up very early in the my dear Copperfield," he replies. "I morning a week or two ago, and had hope so too. It's a satisfaction to know never been to bed since. I can't make that she'11 wait for me any length of out when yesterday was. I seem to time, and that she really is the dearest have been carrying the license about, girl -" in my pocket, many months. "When are you to meet her at the Next day, too, when we all go in a coach?" I asked. flock to see -the house, - our house, - "At seven," says Traddles, looking Dora's and mine, -I am quite unable at his plain old silver watch, - the very to regard myself as its master. I seem'watch he once took a wheel out of, at to be there, by permission of somebody school, to make a water-mill. "That is else. I half expect the real master to about Miss Wickfield's time, is it not?" come home presently, and say he is "A little earlier. Her time is half glad to see me. Such a beautiful little past eight." house as it is, with everything so bright "I assure you, my dear boy," says and new; with the flowers on the carTraddles, "I am almost as pleased as pets looking as if freshly gathered, and if I were going to be married myself, the green leaves on the paper as if they to think that this event is coming to had just come out; with the spotless such a happy termination. And really muslin curtains, and the blushing rosethe great friendship and consideration colored furniture, and Dora's garden of personally associating Sophy with hat, with the blue ribbon, - do I rememthe joyful occasion, and inviting her to ber, now, how I loved her in such anbe a bridesmaid in conjunction with other hat when I first knew her!- alMiss Wickfield, demands my warmest ready hanging on its little peg; the thinks. I am extremely sensible of it." guitar-case quite at home on its heels in 356 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE a corner; and everybody tumbling over ored silk, and has a white bonnet on, Jip's Pagoda, which is much too big for and is amazing. Janet has dressed her, the establishment. and is there to look at me. Peggotty is Another happy evening, quite as un- ready to go to church, intending to bereal as all the rest of it, and I steal into hold the ceremony from the gallery. the usual room before going away. Mr. Dick, who is to give my darling to Dora is not there. I suppose they me at the altar, has had his hair curled. have not done trying on yet. Miss La- Traddles, whom I have taken up by vinia peeps in and tells me mysterious- appointment at the turnpike, presents a ly that she will not be long. She is dazzling combination of cream color and rather long, notwithstanding; but by light blue; and both he and Mr. Dick and by I hear a rustling at the door, have a general effect about them of beand some one taps. ing all gloves. I say, "Come in!" but some one No doubt I see this, because I know taps again. it is so; but I am astray, and seem to go to the door, wondering who it see nothing. Nor do I believe anyis. There, I meet a pair of bright eyes, thing whatever. Still, as we drive and a blushing face; they are Dora's along in an open carriage, this fairy eyes and face, and Miss Lavinia has marriage is real enough to fill me with a dressed her in to-morrow's dress, bon- sort of wondering pity for the unfortunet and all, for me to see. I take my nate people who have no part in it, but little wife to my heart; and Miss La- are sweeping out the shops, and going vinia gives a little scream because I to their daily occupations. tumble the bonnet, and Dora laughs My aunt sits with my hand in hers all and cries at once, because I am so the way. When we stop a little way pleased; and I believe it less than ever. short of the church, to put down Peg"Do you think it pretty, Doady?" gotty, whom we have brought on the says Dora. box, she gives it a squeeze, and me a Pretty I I should rather think I kiss. did. "God bless you, Trot! My own boy " And are you sure you like me very never could be dearer. I think of poor much? " says Dora. dear Baby this morning." The topic is fraught with such dan- " So do I. And of all I owe to you, ger to the bonnet, that Miss Lavinia dear aunt." gives another little scream, and begs "Tut, child!" says my aunt; and me to understand that Dora is only to gives her hand in overflowing cordiality be looked at, and on no account to be to Traddles, who then gives his to Mr. touched. So Dora stands in a delight- Dick, who then gives his to me, who ful state of confusion for a minute or then give mine to Traddles, and then two, to be admired; and then takes off we come to the church door. her bonnet, - looking so natural with- The church is calm enough, I am out it i- and runs away with it in her sure; but it might be a steam-power hand; and comes dancing down again loom in full action, for any sedative in her old familiar dress, and asks Jip effect it has on me. I am too far gone if I have got a beautiful little wife, and for that. whether he'11 forgive her for being mar- The rest is all a more or less incoried, and kneels down to make him herent dream. stand upon the cookery-book, for the A dream of their coming in with last time in her single life. Dora; of the pew-opener arranging us I go home, more incredulous than like a drill-sergeant, before the altar ever, to a lodging that I have hard by; rail; of my wondering, even then, why and get up very early in the morning, pew-openers must always be the most to ride to the Highgate road and fetch disagreeable females procurable, and my aunt. whether there is any religious dread of I have never seen my aunt in such a disastrous infection of good-humor state. She is dressed in lavender-col- which renders it indispensable to set OF DA VID COPPERFIELDI 357 those vessels of vinegar upon the road be separated from her, but still keeps to heaven. her hand. Of the clergyman and clerk appear- Of there being a breakfast, with abuning; of a few boatmen and some other dance of things, pretty and substantial, people strolling in; of an ancient mari- to eat and drink, whereof I partake, as ner behind me, strongly flavoring the I should do in any other dream, withchurch with rum; of the service be- out the least perception of their flavor; ginning in a deep voice, and our all eating and drinking, as I may say, nothbeing very attentive. ing but love and marriage, and no more Of Miss Lavinia, who acts as a semi- believing in the viands than in anyauxiliary bridesmaid, being the first to thing else. cry, and of her doing homage (as I take Of my making a speech in the same it) to the memory of Pidger, in sobs; dreamy fashion, without having an idea of Miss Clarissa applying a smelling- of what I want to say, beyond such as bottle; of Agnes taking care of Dora; may be comprehended in the full conof my aunt endeavoring to represent viction that I haven't said it. Of our herself as a model of sternness, with being very sociably and simply happy tears rolling down her face; of little (always in a dream though); and of Dora trembling very much, and making Jip's having wedding-cake, and its not her responses in faint whispers. agreeing with him afterwards. Of our kneeling down together, side Of the pair of hired post-horses being by side; of Dora's trembling less and ready, and of Dora's going away to less, but always clasping Agqres by the change her dress. Of my aunt and hand; of the service being got through, Miss Clarissa remaining with us; and quietly and gravely; of our all looking our walking in the garden; and my at each other in an April state of smiles aunt, who has made quite a speech at and tears, when it is over; of my young breakfast touching Dora's aunts, being wife being hysterical in the vestry, and mightily amused with herself, but a crying for her poor papa, her dear papa. little proud of it too. Of her soon cheering up again, and Of Dora's being ready, and of Miss our signing the register all round. Of Lavinia's hovering about her, loath to my going into the gallery for Peggotty lose the pretty toy that has given her to bring her to sign it; of Peggotty's so much pleasant occupation. Of Dora's hugging me in a corner, and telling me making a long series of surprised disshe saw my own dear mother married; coveries that she has forgotten all sorts of its being over, and our going away. of little things; and of everybody's runOf my walking so proudly and loving- ning everywhere to fetch them. ly down the aisle with my sweet wife Of their all closing about Dora, when upon my arm, through a mist of half- at last she begins to say good by,'lookseen people, pulpits, monuments, pews, ing, with their bright colors and ribbons, fonts, organs, and church-windows, in like a bed of flowers. Of my darling which there flutter faint airs of associa- being almost smothered among the tion with my childish church at home, flowers, and coming out, laughing and so long ago. crying both together, to my jealous Of their whispering, as we pass, what arms. a youthful couple we are, and what a Of my wanting to carry Jip (who is to pretty little wife she is. Of our all be- go along with us), and Dora's saying ing so merry and talkative in the car- no, that she must carry him, or else riage going back. Of Sophy telling us he'11 think she don't like him any that when she saw Traddles (whom I more, now she is married, and will had intrusted with the license) asked break his heart. Of our going, arm-infor it, she almost fainted, having been arm, and Dora stopping and looking convinced that he would contrive to back, and saying, " If I have ever been lose it, or to have his pocket picked. cross or ungrateful to anybody, don't Qf Agnes laughing gayly; and of Dora remember it! " and bursting into tears. being so fond of Agnes that she will not Of her waving her little hand, and 358 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE our going away once more. Of her dous thing to know for certain that she once more stopping and looking back, put her hair in papers. It was altogethand hurrying to Agnes, and giving er such an astonishing event to see her Agnes, above all the others, her last do it! kisses and farewells. I doubt whether two young birds We drive away together, and I awake could have known less about keeping from the dream. I believe it at last. house than I and my pretty Dora did, It is my dear, dear little wife beside me We had a servant, of course. She kept whom I love so well! house for us. I have still a latent be"Are you happy now, you foolish lief that she must have been Mrs. boy?" says Dora, "and sure you don't Crupp's daughter in disguise, we had repent?" such an awful time of it with Mary Anne. I have stood aside to see the phan- Her name was Paragon. Her nature toms of those days go by me. They was represented to us, when we enare gone, and I resume the journey of gaged her, as being feebly expressed in my story. her name. She had a written character, as large as a proclamation; and, according to this document, could do CHAPTER XLIV. everything of a domestic nature that ever I heard of, and a great many OUR HOUSEKEEPING. things that I never did hear of She was a womana in the prime of life; of a IT was a strange condition of things, severe countenance; and subject (parthe honeymoon being over, and the ticularly in the arms) to a sort of perbridesmaids gone home, when I found petual measles or fiery rash. She had myself sitting down in my own small a cousin in the Life Guards, with such house with Dora; quite thrown out of long legs that he looked like the afteremployment, as I may say, in respect of noon shadow of somebody else. His the delicious old occupation of making shell-jacket was as much too little for love. him as he was too big for the premises. It seemed such an extraordinary thing He made the cottage smaller than it to have Dora always there. It was so need have been, by being so very much unaccountable not to be obliged to go out of proportion to it. Besides which, out to see her, not to have any occasion the walls were not thick, and whenever to be tormenting myself about her, not he passed the evening at our house, we to have to write to her, not to be schem- always knew of it by hearing one coning and devising opportunities of being tinual growl in the kitchen. alone with her. Sometimes of an even- Our treasure was warranted sobei ing, when I looked up from my writing, and honest. I am therefore willing to and saw her seated opposite, I would believe that she was in a fit when we lean back in my chair, and think how found her under'the boiler; and that queer it was that there we were, alone the deficient teaspoons were attributable together as a matter of course - no- to the dustman. body's business any more -all the But she preyed upon our minds dreadromance of our engagement put away fully. We felt our inexperience, and upon a shelf, to rust - no one to please were unable to help ourselves. We but one another —one another to should have been at her mercy, if she please, for life. had had any; but she was a remoreWhen there was a debate, and I was less woman, and had none. She was kept out very late, it seemed so strange the cause of our first little quarrel. to me, as I was walking home, to think "My dearest life," I said one day that Dora was at home! It was such a to Dora, "do you think Mary Anne wonderful thing, at first, to have her has any idea of time?" coming softly down to talk to me as I "Why, Doady?" inquired Dora, lookate my supper. It was such a stupen- ing up, innocently, from her drawing. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 359 "My love, because it's five, and we "0, but reasoning is worse than were to have dined at four." scolding! " exclaimed Dora, in despair. Dora glanced wistfully at the clock, and "I didn't marry to be reasoned with. hinted that she thought it was too fast. If you meant to reason with such a " On the contrary, my love," said I, poor little thing as I am, you ought to referring to my watch, "it's a few have told me so, you cruel boy! " minutes too slow." I tried to pacify Dora, but she turned My little wife came and sat upon my away her face, and shook her curls from knee, to coax me to be quiet, and drew side to side, and said, "You cruel, a line with her pencil down the middle cruel boy! " so many times, that I really of my nose; but I couldn't dine off did not exactly know what to do; so I that, though it was very agreeable. took a few turns up and down the room "Don't you think, my dear," said I, in my uncertainty, and came back again. "it would be better for you to remon- "Dora, my darling!" strate with Mary Anne? " "No, I am not your darling. Be" 0 no, please 1 I could n't, Doady!" cause you inust be sorry that you marsaid Dora. ried me, or else you wouldn't reason " Why not, my love? " I gently asked. with me!" returned Dora. " O, because I am such a little goose," I felt so injured by the inconsequensaid Dora, "and she knows I am!" tial nature of this charge, that it gave I thought this sentiment so incom- me courage to be grave. patible with the establishment of any "Now, my own Dora," said I, "you system of check on Mary Anne, that I are very childish, and are talking nonfrowned a little. sense. You must remember, I am sure, " O, what ugly wrinkles in my bad that I was obliged to go out yesterday boy's forehead!" said Dora, and still when dinner was half over; and that, being on my knee, she traced them the day before, I was made quite unwell with her pencil; putting it to her rosy by being obliged to eat underdone veal lips to make it mark blacker, and work- in a hurry; to-day, I don't dine at all ing at my forehead with a quaint little - and I am afraid to say how long we mockery of being industrious, that quite waited for breakfast - and then the delighted me in spite of myself water didn't boil. I don't mean to "There's a good child," said Dora; reproach you, my dear, but this is not "it makes its face so much prettier to comfortable." laugh." "0, you cruel, cruel boy to say I " But, my love," said I. am a disagreeable wife!" cried Dora. " No, no! please!" cried Dora, with "Now, my dear Dora, you must a kiss, " don't be a naughty bluebeard! know that I never said that! " Don't be serious " "You said I was n't comfortable!" "My precious wife," said I, "we said Dora. must be serious sometimes. Come! "I said the housekeeping was not Sit down on this chair, close beside me! comfortable! " Give me the pencil! There! Now "It's exactly the same thing!" cried letustalksensibly. Youknow,dear,"- Dora. And she evidently thought so, what a little hand it was to hold, and for she wept most grievously. what a tiny wedding-ring it was to see! I took another turn across the room, - "you know, my love, it is not exactly full of love for my pretty wife, and discomfortable to have to go out without tracted by self-accusatory inclinations one's dinner. Now, is it?" to knock my head against the door. I " N-n-no! " replied Dora, faintly. sat down again, and said:"My love, how you tremble!" "I am not blaming you, Dora. We "Because I KNOW you're going to have both a great deal to learn. I am scold me," exclaimed Dora in a piteous only trying to show you, my dear, that voice. you must-you really must" (I was "My sweet, I am only going to rea- resolved not to give this up)- " accussbn." tom yourself to look after Mary Anne. 369 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Likewise to act a little for yourself, and tenderly and lovingly about our homeme." affairs." "I wonder, I do, at your making My aunt nodded encouragement. such ungrateful speeches," sobbed Do- "You must have patience, Trot," ra.. "When you know that the other said she. day, when you said you would like a " Of course. Heaven knows I don't little bit of fish, I went out myself, mean to be unreasonable, aunt! " miles and miles, and ordered it, to sur- "No, no," said my aunt. "But Little prise you." Blossom is a very tender little blos"And it was very kind of'you, my som, and the wind must be gentle with own darling," said I. "I felt it so her." much that I would n't on any account I thanked my good aunt, in my heart,have even mentioned that you bought a for her tenderness towards my wife; Salmon, - which was too much for two. and I was sure that she knew I did. Or that it cost one pound six, -which " Don't you think, aunt," said I, after was more than we can afford." some further contemplation of the fire, "You enjoyed it very much," sobbed "that you could advise and counsel Dora. "And you said I was a Dora a little, for our mutual advantage, Mouse." now and then?" "And I'11 say so again, my love," I "Trot," returned my aunt, with some returned, "a thousand times! " emotion, "no! Don't ask me such a But I had wounded Dora's soft little thing I " heart, and she was not to be comforted. Her tone was so very earnest that I She was so pathetic in her sobbing and raised my eyes in surprise. bewailing, that I felt as if I had said I "I look back on my life, child," said don't know what to hurt her. I was my aunt, "and I think of some who obliged to hurry away; I was kept out are in their graves, with whom I might late; and I felt all night such pangs of have been on kinder terms. If I judged remorse as made me miserable. I had harshly of other people's mistakes in the conscience of an assassin, and was marriage, it may have been because I haunted by a vague sense, of enormous had bitter reason to judge harshly of wickedness. my own. Let that pass. I have been It was two or three hours past mid- a grumpy, frumpy, wayward sort of a night when I got home. I found my woman, a good many years. I am still, aunt, in our house, sitting up for and I always shall be. But you and I me. have done one another some good, " Is anything the matter, aunt? " said Trot, -at all events, you have done me I, alarmed. good, my dear; and division must not "Nothing, Trot," she replied. "Sit come between us, at this time of day." down, sit down. Little Blossom has "Division between us!" cried I. been rather out of spirits, and I have "Child, child!" said my aunt, been keeping her company. That's smoothing her dress, "how soon it all." might come between us, or how unI leaned my head upon my hand, and happy I might make our Little Blosfelt more sorry and downcast, as I sat som, if I meddled in anything, a prophlooking at the fire, than I could have et could n't say. I want our pet to like supposed possible so soon after the ful- me, and be as gay as a butterfly. Refilment of my brightest hopes. As I sat member your own home, in that second thinking, I happened to meet my aunt's marriage; and never do both me and eyes, which were resting on my face. her the injury you have hinted at!" There was an anxious expression in I comprehended, at once, that my them, but it cleared directly. aunt was right; and I comprehended" I assure you, aunt," said I, "I have the full extent of her generous feeling been quite unhappy myself all night, to towards my dear wife. think of Dora's being so. But I had "These are early days, Trot," she no other intention than to speak to her pursued, "and Rome was not built OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 36i in a' day, nor in a year. -You have chos- little difference was to be our last, and en freely for yourself"; a cloud passed that we were never to have another, if over her face for a moment, I thought; we lived a hundred years. "and you have chosen a very pretty and The next domestic trial we went a very affectionate creature. It will be through was the Ordeal of Servants. your duty, and it will be your pleasure Mary Anne's cousin deserted into our too, -of course I know that; I am not coal-hole, and was brought out, to our delivering a lecture, - to estimate her great amazement, by a picket of his (as you'chose her) by the qualities she companions in arms, who took him has, and not by the qualities she may away handcuffed in a procession that not have. The latter you must develop covered our front garden with ignominy. in her if you can. And if you cannot, This nerved me to get rid of Mary child," here my aunt rubbed her nose, Anne, who went so mildly, on receipt "you must just accustom yourself to do of wages, that I was surprised, until I without'em. But remember, my dear, found out about the teaspoons, and also your future is between you two. No one about the little sums she had borrowed can assist you; you are to work it out in my name of the tradespeople without for yourselves. This is marriage, Trot; authority. After an interval of Mrs. and Heaven bless you both, in it, for a Kidgerbury, - the oldest inhabitant of pair of babes in the wood as you are! " Kentish Town, I believe, who went out My aunt said this in a sprightly way, charing, but was too feeble to execute and gave me a kiss to ratify the bless- her conceptions of that art, - we found ing. another treasure, who was one of the "Now," said she, "light my little most amiable of women, but who genlantern, and see me into my bandbox by erally made a point of falling either up the garden path "; for there was a or down the kitchen stairs with the communication between our cottages in tray, and almost plunged into the parthat direction. "Give Betsey Trot- lor, as into a bath, with the tea-things. wood's love to Blossom, when you The ravages committed by this unfortucome back; and whatever you do, Trot, nate rendering her dismissal necessary, never dream of setting Betsey up as a she was succeeded (with intervals of scarecrow, for if I ever saw her in the Mrs. Kidgerbury) by a long line of Incaglass, she's quite grim enough and pables; terminating in a young person of gaunt enough in her private capacity!" genteel appearance, who went to GreenWith this my aunt tied her head up wich Fair in Dora's bonnet. After in a handkerchief, with which she was whom I remember nothing but an averaccustomed to make a bundle of it on age equality of failure. such occasions; and I escorted her Everybody we had anything to do home. As she stood in her garden, with seemed to cheat us. Our appearholding up her little lantern to light me ance in a shop was a signal for the damback, I thought her observation of me aged goods to be brought out immedihad an anxious air again; but I was too ately. If we bought a lobster, it was much occupied in pondering on what full of water. All our meat turned out she had said, and too much impressed to be tough, and there was hardly any - for the first time, in reality -by the crust to our loaves. In search of the conviction that Dora and I had indeed principle on which joints ought to be to work out our future for ourselves, roasted, to be roasted enough, and not and that no one could assist us, to take too much, I myself referred to the cookmuch notice of it. ery-book, and found it there established Dora came stealing down in her little as the allowance of a quarter of an hour slippers, to meet me, now that I was to every pound, and say a quarter over. alone; and cried upon my shoulder, and But the principle always failed us by said I had been hard-hearted and she had some curious fatality, and we never been naughty; and I said much the could hit any medium between redness same thing in effect, I believe; and we and cinders. made it up, and agreed that our first I had reason to believe that in accom 362 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE plishing these failures we incurred a far and yet had always room enough to lose greater expense than if we had achieved everything in. I suspect it may have a series of triumphs. It appeared to been because nothing had a place of its me, on looking over the tradesmen's own, except Jip's pagoda, which invaribooks, as if we might have kept the ably blocked up the main thoroughfare. basement story paved with butter, such On the present occasion, Traddles was was the extensive scale of our consump- so hemmed in by the pagoda and the tion of that article. I don't know wheth- guitar-case, and Dora's flower-painting, er the Excise returns of the period may and my writing-table, that I had serious have exhibited any increase in the de- doubts of the possibility of his using his mand for pepper; but if our performan- knife and fork; but he protested, with ces did not affect the market, I should his own good-humor, " Oceans of room, say several families must have left off Copperfield! I assure you, oceans! " using it. And the most wonderful fact There was another thing I could of all was, that we never had anything have wished, namely, that Jip had in the house. never been encouraged to walk about As to the washerwoman pawning the the tablecloth during dinner. I began clothes, and coming in a state of peni- to think there was something disordertent intoxication to apologize, I sup- ly in his being there at all, even if he pose that might have happened several had not been in the habit of putting his times to anybody. Also the chimney foot in the salt or the melted-butter. on fire, the parish engine, and perjury On this occasion he seemed to think he on the part of the Beadle. But I ap- was introduced expressly to keep Tradprehend that we were personally un- dies at bay; and he barked at my old fortunate in engaging a servant with a friend, and made short runs at hisplate, taste for cordials, who swelled our run- with such undaunted pertinacity, that ning account for porter at the public- he may be said to have engrossed the house by such inexplicable items as conversation. "Quartern rum shrub(Mrs. C.)," "Half- However, as I knew how tenderquartern gin and cloves (Mrs. C.)," hearted my dear Dora was, and how "Glass rum and peppermint (Mrs. C.)," sensitive she would be to any slight -the parenthesis always referring to upon her favorite, I hinted no objection. Dora, who was supposed, it appeared For similar reasons I made no allusion on explanation, to have imbibed the to the skirmishing plates upon the floor; whole of these refreshments. or to the disreputable appearance of One of our first feats in the house- the castors, which were all at sixes and keeping way was a little dinner to Trad- sevens, and looked drunk; or' to the dles. I met him in town, and asked further blockade of Traddles by wanhim to walk out with me that afternoon. dering vegetable dishes and jugs. I He readily consenting, I wrote to Dora, could not help wondering in my own saying I would bring him home. It mind, as I contemplated the boiled leg was pleasant weather, and on the road of mutton before me, previous to carving we made my domestic happiness the it, how it came to pass that our joints theme of conversation. Traddles was of meat were of such extraordinary very full of it; and said, that, picturing shapes, and whether our butcher conhimself with such a home, and Sophy tracted for all the deformed sheep that waiting and preparing for him, he could came into the world; but I kept my rethink of nothing wanting to complete flections to myself. his bliss. " My love," said I to Dora, "what I could not have wished for a prettier have you got in that dish? " little wife at the opposite end of the I could not imagine why Dora had table, but I certainly could have wished, been making tempting little faces at when we sat down, for a little more me, as if she wanted to kiss me. room. I did not know how it was, but "Oysters, dear," said Dora, timidly. though there were only two of us, we "Was that your thought?" said I, were at once always cramped for room, delighted. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 363 "Ye-yes, Doady," said Dora. Then Traddles and I played a game or "There never was a happier one I" two at cribbage; and Dora singing to I exclaimed, laying down the carving- the guitar the while, it seemed to me as knife and fork. "There is nothing if our courtship and marriage were a Traddles likes so much! " tender dream of mine, and the night "Ye-yes, Doady," said Dora, "and when I first listened to her voice were so I bought a beautiful little barrel of not yet over. them, and the man said they were very When Traddles went away, and I good. But I -I am afraid there's came back into the parlor from seeing something the matter with them. They him out, my wife planted her chair don't seem right." Here Dora shook close to mine, and sat down by my her head, and diamonds twinkled in her side.;yes. "I am very sorry," she said. " Will "They are only opened in both you try to teach me, Doady?" shells," said I. "Take the top oneoff, "I must teach myself first, Dora," ny love." said I. " I am as bad as you, love." "But it won't come off," said Dora, " Ah! But you can learn," she re-.rying very hard, and looking very much turned; "and you are a clever, clever distressed." man!" "Do you know, Copperfield," said " Nonsense, Mouse I" said I. rraddles, cheerfully examining the "I wish," resumed my wife, after a lish, "I think it is in consequence- long silence, "that I could have gone hey are capital oysters, but I think it down into the country for a whole year, s in consequence -of their never hav- and lived with Agnes! " ng been opened." Her hands were clasped upon my They never had been opened; and shoulder, and her chin rested on them, ve had no oyster-knives, - and could n't and her blue eyes looked quietly into!ave used them if we had; so we mine. ooked at the oysters and ate the mut- " Why so? " I asked. on. At least we ate as much of it as "I think she might have improved vas done, and made up with capers. me, and I think I might have learnt If I had permitted him, I am satisfied from her," said Dora. hat Traddles would have make a per- " All in good time, my love. Agnes ect savage of himself, and eaten a has had her father to take care of for lateful of raw meat, to express enjoy- these many years, you should rememnent of the repast; but I would hear ber. Even when she was quite a child, if no such immolation on the altar of she was the Agnes whom we know," Hendship; and we had a course of ba- said I.:on instead; there happening, by good "Will you call me a name I want you ortune, to be cold bacon in the larder. to call me?" inquired Dora, without My poor little wife was in such afflic- moving. ion when she thought I should be an- "What is it? " I asked with a smile. ioyed, and in such a state of joy when "It's a stupid name," she said, he found I was not, that the discomfi- shaking her curls for a moment. ure I had subdued very soon vanished, "Child-wife." ind we passed a happy evening; Dora I laughingly asked my child-wife what fitting with her arm on my chair, while her fancy was in desiring to be so rraddles and I discussed a glass of called. She answered without moving, vine, and taking every opportunity of otherwise than as the arm I twined vhispering in my ear that it was so good about her may have brought her blue )f me not to be a cruel, cross old boy. eyes nearer to me, - 3y and by she made tea for us; which " I don't mean, you silly fellow, that t was so pretty to see her do, as if she you should use the name, instead of vas busying herself with a set of doll's Dora. I only mean that you should ea-things, that I was not particular think of me that way. When you are Lbout the quality of the beverage. going to be angry with me, say to your 364 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE self,'It's only my child-wife I' When I would lay down my pen, and watcl I am very disappointing, say,'I knew, my child-wife trying to be good. Firs a long time ago, that she would make of all, she would bring out the immens but a child-wife!' When you miss account-book, and lay it down upo what I should like to be, and I think the table, with a deep sigh. Then sh can never be, say,' Still my foolish would open it at the place where Ji child-wife loves me!' For indeed I do." had made it illegible last night, and ca. I had not been serious with her, hav- Jip up to look at his misdeeds. Thi ing no idea, until now, that she was would occasion a diversion in Jip's fa serious herself. But her affectionate vor, and some inking of his nose, per nature was so happy in what I now said haps, as a penalty. Then she would te to her with my whole heart, that her Jip to lie down on the table instantly face became a laughing one before her "like a lion, " -which was one of hi glittering eyes were dry. She was soon tricks, though I cannot say the likenes my child-wife indeed; sitting down on was striking,- and, if he were in a the floor outtside the Chinese House, obedient humor, he would obey. The ringing all the little bells one after an- she would take up a pen, and begin t other, to punish Jip for his recent bad write, and find a hair in it. Then sh behavior; while Jip lay blinking in the would take up another pen, and begi doorway with his head out, even too to write, and find that it splutterec lazy to be teased. Then she would take up another per This appeal of Dora's made a strong and begin to write, and say in a lo' impression on me. I look back on the voice, "0, it's a talking pen, and wi time I write of; I invoke the innocent disturb Doady!" And then she woul figure that I dearly loved, to come out give it up as a bad job, and put the at from the mists and shadows of the past, count-book away, after pretending t and turn its gentle head towards me crush the lion with it. once again; and I can still declare that Or, if she were in a very sedate an this one little speech was constantly in serious state of mind, she would sit dow my memory. I may not have used it to with the tablets, and a little basket the best account; I was young and in- bills and other documents, which looke experienced; but I never turned a deaf more like curl-papers than anythin ear to its artless pleading. else, and endeavor to get some resu Dora told me, shortly afterwards, out of them. After severely comparin that she was going to be a wonderful one with another, and making entrie housekeeper. Accordingly, she pol- on the tablets, and blotting them ou ished the tablets, pointed the pencil, and counting all the fingers of her le bought an immense account-book, care- hand over and over again, backwarc fully stitched up with a needle and and forwards, she would be so vexe thread all the leaves of the cookery- and discouraged, and would look so ur book which Jip had torn, and made happy, that it gave me pain to see he quite a desperate little attempt "to be bright face clouded, -and for me I - good," as she called it. But the figures and I would go softly to her, and sa, - had the old obstinate propensity, — "What's the matter, Dora?" they would not add up. When she Dora would look up hopelessly, an had entered two or three laborious reply, " They won't come right. The items in the account-book, Jip would make my head ache so. And the walk over the page, wagging his tail, won't do anything I want! " and smear them all out. Her own little Then I would say, " Now let us tr right-hand middle finger got steeped to together. Let me show you, Dora." the very bone in ink; and I think that Then I would commence a practice was the only decided result obtained. demonstration, to which Dora woul Sometimes, of an evening, when I pay profound attention, perhaps for fiv was at home and at work, - for I wrote minutes; when she would begin to b a good deal now, and was beginning in dreadfully tired, and would lighten th a small way to be known as a writer, - subject by curling my hair, or tryin OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 365;he effect of my face with my shirt-col- used to those; and Dora, I was pleased ar turned down. If I tacitly checked to see, was seldom vexed now. She was his playfulness, and persisted, she bright and cheerful in the old childish vould look so scared and disconso- way, loved me dearly, and was happy ate, as she became more and more be- with her old trifles. vildered, that the remembrance of her When the debates were heavy,-I latural gayety when I first strayed into mean as to length, not quality, for in ler path, and of her being my child- the last respect they were not often yife, would come reproachfully upon otherwise,-and I went home late, he; and I would lay the pencil down, Dora would never rest when she heard.nd call for the guitar. my footsteps, but would always come I had a great deal of work to do, and down stairs to meet me. When my iad many anxieties, but the same con- evenings were unoccupied by the puriderations made me keep them to my- suit for which I had qualified myself elf. I am far from sure, now, that it with so much pains, and I was engaged ras right to do this, but I did it for my in writing at home, she would sit quietly hild-wife's sake. I search my breast, near me, however late the hour, and be nd I commit its secrets, if I know so mute that I would often think she hem, without any reservation to this had dropped asleep. But generally,,aper. The old unhappy loss or want when I raised my head, I saw her blue f something had, I am conscious, some eyes looking at me with the quiet atten-.lace in my heart; but not to the em- tion of which I have already spoken. itterment of my life. When I walked "0 what a weary boy! " said Dora lone in the fine weather, and thought one night when I met her eyes as I was f the summer days when all the air shutting up my desk. ad been filled with my boyish enchant- "What a weary girl!" said I. lent, I did miss something of the realiz- "That's more to the purpose. You tion of my dreams; but I thought it must go to bed another time, my love. ras a softened glory of the Past, which It's far too late for you." othing could have thrown upon the " No, don't send me to bed!" pleadresent time. I did feel, sometimes, ed Dora, coming to my side. "Pray )r a little while, that I could have don't do that " rished my wife had been my counsel- "Dora!" )r; had had more character and pur- To my amazement she was sobbing ose, to sustain me and improve me on my neck. y; had been endowed with power to " Not well, my dear I not happy " 11 up the void which somewhere "Yes! quite well, and very happy I" eemed to be about me; but I felt as if said Dora. "But say you'll let me stop his were an unearthly consummation and see you write." f my happiness, that never had been " Why, what a sight for such bright leant to be, and never could have eyes at midnight!" I replied. een. "Are they bright, though?" returned I was a boyish husband as to years. Dora, laughing. "I'm so glad they're had known the softening influence of bright." o other sorrows or experiences than "Little Vanity!" said I. lose recorded in these leaves. If I But it was not vanity; it was only id any wrong, as I may have done harmless delight in my admiration. I iuch, I did it in mistaken love, and in knew that very well, before she told sy want of wisdom. I write the exact me so. ~uth. It would avail me nothing to "If you think them pretty, say I may xtenuate it now. always stop and see you write!" said Thus it was that I took upon myself Dora. "Do you think them pretie toils and cares of our life, and had ty? " o partner in them. We lived much as "Very pretty." efore, in reference to our scrambling "Then let me always stop and see ouSehold arrangements; but I had got you write." 366 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " I am afraid that won't improve their So we went on. Dora was hardl, brightness, Dora." less affectionate to my aunt than to me "Yes it will! Because, you clever and often told her of the time when sh, boy, you'11 not forget me then, while was afraid she was "a cross old thing.' you are full of silent fancies. Will you I never saw my aunt unbend more sys mind it, if I say something very, very tematically to any one. She courte( silly?- more than usual?" inquired Jip, though Jip never responded; lis Dora, peeping over my shoulder into tened, day after day, to the guitar my face. though I am afraid she had no taste fo "What wonderful thing is that?" music; never attacked the Incapables said I. though the temptation must have beei " Please let me hold the pens?" said severe; went wonderful distances oi Dora. "I want to have something to foot to purchase, as surprises, any tri.do with all those many hours when you fles that she found out Dora wanted are so industrious. May I hold the and never came in by the garden, an( pens?" missed her from the room, but sh' The remembrance of her pretty joy, would call out, at the foot of the stairs when I said yes, brings tears into my in a voice that sounded cheerfully al eyes. The next time I sat down to over the house, - write, and regularly afterwards, she sat "Where's Little Blossom? " in her old place, with a spare bundle of pens at her side. Her triumph in this connection with my work, and her delight when I wanted a new pen, - CHAPTER XLV. which I very often feigned to do,suggested to me a new way of pleasing MR. DICK FULFILS MY AUNT'S PREmy child-wife. I occasionally made a DICTIONS. pretence of wanting a page or two of manuscript copied. Then Dora was in IT was some time now, since I hat her glory. The preparations she made left the Doctor. Living in his neighbor for this great work, the aprons she put hood, I saw him frequently; and w, on, the bibs she borrowed from the all went to his house on two or thre: kitchen to keep off the ink, the time occasions to dinner or tea. The 01O she took, the innumerable stoppages Soldier was in permanent quarters un she made to have a laugh with Jip as der the Doctor's roof. She was exact if he understood it all, her conviction ly the same as ever, and the same im that her work was incomplete unless mortal butterflies hovered over her cap she signed her name at the end, and Like some other mothers, whom the way in which she would bring it to have known in the course of my life me, like a school-copy, and then, when Mrs. Markleham was far more fond o I praised it, clasp me round the neck, pleasure than her daughter was. Shi are touching recollections to me, simple required a great deal of amusement as they might appear to other men. and, like a deep old soldier, pretended She took possession of the keys soon in consulting her own inclinations, tV after this, and went jingling about the be devoting herself to her child. The house with the whole bunch in a little Doctor's desire that Annie should bi basket, tied to her slender waist. I entertained was therefore particularl, seldom found that the places to which acceptable to this excellent parent they belonged were locked, or that they who expressed unqualified approval o were of any use except as a plaything his discretion. for Jip, -but Dora was pleased, and I have no doubt, indeed, that sht that pleased me. She was quite satis- probed the Doctor's wound withou fled that a good deal was effected by knowing it. Meaning nothing but < this make-believe of housekeeping; and certain matured frivolity and selfish was as merry as if we had been keeping ness, not always inseparable from full a baby-house, for a joke. blown years, I think she confirmed bin OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 367 in his fear that he was a constraint upon "Therefore, my dear Doctor," said his young wife, and that there was no the Soldier, giving him several affeccongeniality of feeling between them, tionate taps, "you may command me, by so strongly commending his design at all times and seasons. Now, do of lightening the load of her life. understand that I am entirely at your " My dear soul," she said to him one service. I am ready to go with Annie day when I was present, "you know to operas, concerts, exhibitions, all there is no doubt it would be a little kinds of places; and you shall never pokey for Annie to be always shut up find that I am tired. Duty, my dear here.".Doctor, before every consideration in The Doctor nodded his benevolent the universe!" head. She was as good as her word. She "When she comes to her mother's was one of those people who can bear a ige," said Mrs. Markleham, with a great deal of pleasure, and she never flourish of her fan, "then it'll be an- flinched in her perseverance in the ither thing. You might put ME into a cause. She seldom got hold of the Jail, with genteel society and a rubber, newspaper (which she settled herself nd I should never care to come out. down in the softest chair in the house But I am not Annie, you know; and to read, through an eye-glass, every day Annie is not her mother." for two hours), but she found out some" Surely, surely," said the Doctor. thing that she was certain Annie would " You are the best of creatures, - no, like to see. It was in vain for Annie to [ beg your pardon!" for the Doctor protest that she was weary of such nade a gesture of deprecation, "I things. Her mother's remonstrance nust say before your face, as I always always was, " Now, my dear Annie, I Gay behind your back, you are the best am sure you know better; and I must _f creatures; but of course you don't tell you, my love, that you are not mak-now do you?- enter into the same ing a proper return for the kindness of pursuits and fancies as Annie?" Doctor Strong." " No," said the Doctor, in a sorrow- This was usually said in the Doctor's il tone. presence, and appeared to me to consti" No, of course not," retorted the tute Annie's principal inducement for lDd Soldier. "Take your Dictionary, withdrawing her objections when she or example. What a useful work a made any. But in general she resigned Dictionary is! What a necessary work! herself to her mother, and went where [he meanings of words I Without Doc- the Old Soldier would..or Johnson, or somebody of that sort, It rarely happened now that Mr. ye might have been at this present Maldon accompanied them. Somenoment calling an Italian-iron a bed- times my aunt and Dora were invited stead. But we can't expect a Diction- to do so, and accepted the invitation. try - especially when it's making - to Sometimes Dora only was asked. The nterest Annie, can we?" time had been when I should have been The Doctor shook his head. uneasy in her going; but reflection "And that's why I so much ap- on what had passed that former night, prove," said Mrs. Markleham, tapping in the Doctor's study, had made a lim on the shoulder with her shut-up change il my mistrust. I believed that'an, "of your thoughtfulness. It shows the Doctor was right, and I had no hat you don't expect, as many elderly worse suspicions. people do expect, old heads on young My aunt rubbed her nose sometimes shoulders. You have studied Annie's when she happened to be alone with Character, and you understand it. me, and said she couldn't make it out; That's what I find so charming " she wished they were happier; she Even the calm and patient face of Doc- did n't think our military friend (so she;or Strong expressed some little sense always called the Old Soldier) mended )f pain, I thought, under the infliction the matter at all. My aunt further exf these compliments. pressed her opinion," that if our milita 368 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ry friend would cut off those butterflies, with me. "But I mean, boy," resuming and give'em to the chimney-sweepers his gravity, "what do you consider me for May-day, it would look like the be- in this respect?" touching his foreginning of something sensible on her head. part." I was puzzled how to answer, but he But her abiding reliance was on Mr. helped me with a word. Dick. That man had evidently an idea " Weak? " said Mr. Dick. in his head, she said; and if he could "Well," I replied, dubiously, "rather only once pen it up into a corner, which so." was his great difficulty, he would dis- " Exactly! " cried Mr. Dick, who tinguish himself in some extraordinary seemed quite enchanted by my reply. manner. "That is, Trotwood, when they took Unconscious of this prediction, Mr. some of the trouble out of you-knowDick continued to occupy precisely the who's head, and put it you know where, same ground in reference to the Doctor there was a - " Mr. Dick made his and to Mrs. Strong. He seemed neither two hands revolve very fast about each to advance nor to recede. He appeared other a great number of times, and thee to have settled into his original founda- brought them into collision, and rolled tion, like a building; and I must con- them over and over one another, to exfess that my faith in his ever moving press confusion. "There was that sor was not much greater than if he had of thing done to me somehow? Eh?' been a building. I nodded at him, and he nodded back But one night, when I had been again. married some months, Mr. Dick put "In short, boy," said Mr. Dick. his head into the parlor, where I was dropping his voice to a whisper, " I air writing alone (Dora having gone out simple." with my aunt to take tea with the two I would have qualified that conclu little birds), and said with a significant sion, but he stopped me. cough, - " Yes I am! She pretends I am not " You could n't speak to me without She won't hear of it; but I am. i inconveniencing yourself, Trotwood, I know I am. If she hadn't stood m) anr afraid?" friend, sir, I should have been shut up "Certainly, Mr. Dick," said I; to lead a dismal life these many years "come in! " But I'11 provide for her! I neve: "Trotwood," said Mr. Dick, laying spend the copying money. I put it ii his finger on the side of his nose, after a box. I have made a will. I'11 leavw he had shaken hands with me, "be- it all to her. She shall be rich,fore I sit down, I wish to make an ob- noble!" servation. You know your aunt?" Mr. Dick took out his pocket-hand "A little," I replied. kerchief, and wiped his eyes. He the, " She is the most wonderful woman folded it up with great care, pressed i in the world, sir! " smooth between his two hands, pu After the delivery of this communica- it in his pocket, and seemed to put mi tion, which he shot out of himself as if aunt away with it. he were loaded with it, Mr. Dick sat " Now you are a scholar, Trotwood,' down with greater gravity than usual, said Mr. Dick. "You are a fin, and looked at me. scholar. You know what a learner " Now, boy," said Mr. Dick, "I am man, what a great man, the Doctor is going to put a question to you." You know what honor he has alway " As many as you please," said I. done me. Not proud in his wisdom "What do you consider me, sir?" Humble, humble, -condescending evei asked Mr. Dick, folding his arms. to poor Dick, who is simple and know: "A dear old friend," said I. nothing. I have sent his name up, or "Thank you, Trotwood," returned a scrap of paper, to the kite, along the Mr. Dick, laughing, and reaching string, when it has been in the sky across in high glee to shake hands among the larks. The kite has beei OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 369 glad to receive it, sir, and the sky has " For the same reason," I returned. been brighter with it." "Then I have got it, boy," said Mr. — I delighted him by saying, most Dick. And he stood up before me, heartily, that the Doctor was deserv- more exultingly than before, nodding ing of our best respect and highest es- his head, and striking himself repeatedly teem. upon the breast, until one might have "And his beautiful wife is a star," supposed that he had nearly nodded said Mr. Dick. "A shining star. I have and struck all the breath out of his seen her shine, sir. But," bringing his body. chair nearer and laying one hand upon "A poor fellow with a craze, sir," my knee, "clouds, sir,- clouds." said Mr. Dick, "a simpleton, a weakI answered the solicitude which his minded person, - present company, you face expressed, by conveying the same know!" striking himself again, "may expression into my own, and shaking do what wonderful people may not do. my head. I'11 bring them together, boy, I'11 try. "What clouds?" said Mr. Dick. They'll not blame me. They'll not He looked so wistfully into my face, object to me. They'11 not mind what and was so anxious to understand, that I do, if it's wrong. I'm only Mr. Dick. I took great pains to answer him slow- And who minds Dick? Dick's nobody! ly and distinctly, as I might have en- Whoo!" He blew a slight, contempttered on an explanation to a child. uous breath, as if he blew himself "There is some unfortunate division away. between them," I replied. " Some un- It was fortunate he had proceeded so happy cause of separation. A secret. far with his mystery; for.we heard the It may be inseparable from the discrep- coach stop at the little garden gate, ancy in their years. It may have grown which brought my aunt and Dora home. up out of almost nothing." "Not a word, boy! " he pursued in a Mr. Dick, who told off every sen- whisper; "leave all the blame with tence with a thoughtful nod, paused Dick-simple Dick-mad Dick. I when I had done, and sat considering, have been thinking, sir, for some time with his eyes upon my face, and his that I was getting it, and now I have hand upon my knee. got it. After what you have said to me, "Doctor not angry with her, Trot- I am sure I have got it. All right I " wood?" he said, after some time. Not another word did Mr. Dick utter "No. Devoted to her." on the subject; but he made a very "Then I have got it, boy I" said Mr. telegraph of himself for the next halfDick. hour (to the great disturbance of my The sudden exultation with which he aunt's mind) to enjoin inviolable secrecy flapped me on the knee, and leaned on me. jack in his chair, with his eyebrows To my surprise I heard no more about ifted up as high as he could possibly it for some two or three weeks, though ift them, made me think him farther I was sufficiently interested in the result:ut of his wits than ever. He became of his endeavors; descrying a strange is suddenly grave again, and, leaning gleam of good sense - I say nothing of brward as before, said, - first respect- good feeling, for that he always exhibited illy taking out his pocket-handker- -in the conclusion to which he had;hief, as if it really did represent my come. At last I began to believe, that, tunt, - in the flighty and unsettled state of his " Most wonderful woman in the mind, he had either forgotten his intenvorld, Trotwood. Why has she done tion or abandoned it. iothing to set things right?" One fair evening, when Dora was not " Too delicate and difficult a subject inclined to go out, my aunt and I strolled or such Interference," I replied. up to the Doctor's cottage. It was " Fine scholar," said Mr. Dick, touch- autumn, when there were no debates to ngme with his finger. "Why has he vex the evening air; and I remember tone nothing? " how the leaves smelt like our garden 24 370 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE at Blunderstone as we trod them under there is not a chair in this house, in foot, and how the old, unhappy feeling which a paper can be what I call, read, seemed to go by, on the sighing wind. except one in the study. This took me It was twilight when we reached the to the study, where I saw a light. I cottage. Mrs. Strong was just coming opened the door. In company with out of the garden, where Mr. Dick yet the dear Doctor were two professional lingered, busy with his knife, helping people, evidently connected with the the gardener topoint some stakes. The law, and they were all three standing Doctor was engaged with some one in at the table; the darling Doctor pen in his study; but the visitor would be gone hand.'This simply expresses then,' directly, Mrs. Strong said, and begged said the Doctor, -Annie, my love, us to remain and see him. We went attend to the very words, -this simply into the drawing-room with her, and sat expresses, then, gentlemen, the condown by the darkening window. There fidence I have in Mrs. Strong, and gives was never any ceremony about the visits her all unconditionally?' One of the of such old friends and neighbors as we professional people replied,'And gives were. her all unconditionally.' Upon that, We had not sat here many minutes, with the natural feelings of a mother, when Mrs. Markleham, who usually I said,'Good God, I beg your pardon!' contrived to be in a fuss about some- fell over the door-step, and came away thing, came bustling in, with her news- through the little back passage where paper in her hand, and said, out of the pantry is." breath, " My goodness gracious, Annie, Mrs. Strong opened the window, and why did n't you tell me there was some went out into the veranda, where she one in the study " stood leaning against a pillar. "My dear mamma," she quietly re- "But now is n't it, Miss Trotwood, turned, "how could I know that you is n't it, David, invigorating," said Mrs. desired the information? " Markleham, mechanically following her "Desired the information!" said with her eyes, "to find a man at DocMrs. Markleham, sinking on the sofa. tor Strong's time of life, with the " I never had such a turn in all my strength of mind to do this kind of life!" thing? It only shows how right I was. " Have you been to the study, then, I said to Annie, when Doctor Strong mamma? " asked Annie. paid a very flattering visit to myself, and " Been to the study, my dear," she made her the subject of a declaration returned emphatically. "Indeed I and an offer, I said,' My dear, there is have! I came upon the amiable crea- no doubt whatever, in my opinion, witlture -if you'11 imagine my feelings, reference to a suitable provision for you, Miss Trotwood and David -in the act that Doctor Strong will do more thar of making his will." he binds himself to do.'" Her daughter looked round from the Here the bell rang, and we heard the window quickly. sound of the visitors' feet as they wen: "In the act, my dear Annie," re- out. peated Mrs. Markleham, spreading the "It's all over, no doubt," said the newspaper on her lap like a tablecloth, Old Soldier, after listening. "The dea: and patting her hands upon it, "of creature has signed, sealed, and deliv making his last Will and Testament. ered, and his mind's at rest. Well i The foresight and affection of the dear! may be! What a mind I Annie, m, I must tell you how it was. I really love, I am going to the study with m; must, in justice to the darling, - for he paper,' for I am a poor creature withou is nothing less! - tell you how it was. news. Miss Trotwood, David, pra Perhaps you know, Miss Trotwood, come and see the Doctor." that there is never a candle lighted in I was conscious of Mr. Dicl's stand this house, until one's eyes are literally ing in the shadow of the room, shutt~i: falling out of one's head with being up his knife, when we accompanied he stretched to read the paper. And that to the study; and of my aunt's rubbin: OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 37x her nose violently, by the way, as a to see me go out of my mind on the mild vent for her intolerance of our mil- spot! " itary friend; but who got first into the "Mamma!" returned Annie, "waste study, or how Mrs. Markleham settled no words on me, for my appeal is to herself in a moment in her easy-chair, my husband, and even you are nothing or how my aunt and I came to be left to- here." gether near the door (unless her eyes "Nothing! " exclaimed Mrs. Marwere quicker than mine, and she held kleham. "Me, nothing! The child has me back), I have forgotten if I ever taken leave of her senses. Please to knew. But this I know, -that we saw get me a glass of water! " the Doctor before he saw us, sitting at I was too attentive to the Doctor and his table, among the folio volumes in his wife, to give any heed to this rewhich he delighted, resting his head quest; and it made no impression on calmly on his hand. That, in the same anybody else; so Mrs. Markleham moment, we saw Mrs. Strong glide in, panted, stared, and fanned herself. pale and trembling. That Mr. Dick "Annie!" said the Doctor, tenderly supported her on his arm. That he taking her in his hands. "My dear! laid his other hand upon the Doctor's if any unavoidable change has come, in arm, causing him to look up with an the sequence of time, upon our married abstracted air. That, as the Doctor life, you are not to blame. The fault is moved his head, his wife dropped down mine, and only mine. There is no on one knee at his feet, and, with her change in my affection, admiration, and hands imploringly lifted, fixed upon his respect. I wish to make you happy. face the memorable look I had never I truly love and honor you. Rise, Anforgotten. That at this sight Mrs. nie, pray!" Markleham dropped the newspaper, But she did not rise. After looking and stared more like a figure-head in- at him for a little while, she sank down tended for a ship to be called The As- closer to him, laid her arm across his tonishment, than anything else I can knee, and, dropping her head upon it, think of. said: - The gentleness of the Doctor's man- " If I have any friend here who can ner and surprise, the dignity that min- speak one word for me, or for my husgled with the supplicating attitude of band, in this matter; if I have any his wife, the amiable concern of Mr. friend here who can give a voice to Dick, and the earnestness with which any suspicion that my heart has somemy aunt said to herself, " That man times whispered to me; if I have any mad! " (triumphantly expressive of the friend here who honors my husband, or misery from which she had saved him), has ever cared for me, and has anything I see and hear, rather than remember, within his knowledge, no matter what as I write about it. it is, that may help to mediate between "Doctor! " said Mr. Dick. "What us, I implore that friend to speak I " is it that's amiss? Look here! " There was a profound silence. After "Annie! " cried the Doctor. " Not a few moments of painful hesitation, I at my feet, my dear! " broke the silence. "Yes!" she said. "I beg and pray "Mrs. Strong," I said, "there is that no one will leave the room. 0 my something within my knowledge, which husband and father, break this long si- I have been earnestly entreated by Doclence. Let us both know what it is tor Strong to conceal, and have conthat has come between us!" cealed until to-night. But I believe Mrs. Markleham, by this time recov- the time has come when it would be ering the power of speech, and seeming mistaken faith and delicacy to conceal to swell with family pride and motherly it any longer, and when your appeal indignation, here exclaimed, "Annie, absolves me from his injunction." get up immediately, and don't disgrace She turned her face towards ime for a everybody belonging to you by hum- moment, and I knew that I was right. bling yourself like that, unless you wish I could not have resisted its entreaty, 373 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE if the assurance that it gave me had plot," observed my aunt; in an indigbeen less convincing. nant whisper.) "Our future peace," she said, "may "-I must be permitted to observe be in your hands. I trust it confidently that it cannot be requisite to enter into to your not suppressing anything. I these details." know beforehand that nothing you, or " No one but my husband can judge any one, can tell me, will show my hus- of that, mamma," said Annie, without band's noble heart in any other light removing her eyes from his face, "and than one. Howsoever it may seem to he will hear me. If I say anything to you to touch me, disregard that. I will give you pain, mamma, forgive me. I speak for myself, before him, and before have borne pain first, often and long, God, afterwards." myself." Thus earnestly besought, I made no "Upon my word!" gasped Mrs. reference to the Doctor for his permis- Markleham. sion, but, without any other compromise " When I was very young," said Anof the truth than a little softening of nie, " quite a little child, my first assothe coarseness of Uriah Heep, related ciations with knowledge of any kind plainly what had passed in that same were inseparable from a patient friend room that night. The staring of Mrs. and teacher —the friend of my dead Markleham during the whole narra- father —who was always dear to me. tion, and the shrill, sharp interjections I can remember nothing that I know with which she occasionally interrupted without remembering him. He stored it, defy description. my mind with its first treasures, and When I had finished, Annie re- stamped his character upon them all. mained, for some few moments, silent, They never could have been, I think, with her head bent down as I have de- as good as they have been to me, if I scribed. Then, she took the Doctor's had taken them from any other hands." hand (he was sitting in the same atti- " Males her mother nothing!" extude as when we had entered the room), claimed Mrs. Markleham. and pressed it to her breast, and kissed "Not so, mamma," said Annie; it. Mr. Dick softly raised her; and "but I make him what he was. I she stood, when she began to speak, must do that. As I grew up, he occuleaning on him, and looking down upon pied the same place still. I was proud her husband, -from whom she never of his interest, - deeply, fondly, grateturned her eyes. fully attached to him. I looked up to "All that has ever been in my mind him I can hardly describe how, -as a since I was married," she said in a low, father, as a guide, as one whose praise submissive, tender voice, " I will lay was different from all other praise, as bare before you. I could not live and one in whom I could have trusted and have one reservation, knowing what I confided, if I had doubted all the know now." world. You know, mamma, how young "Nay, Annie," said the Doctor, and inexperienced I was, when vou mildly, "I have never doubted you, presented him before me, of a sudden, my child. There is no need; indeed as a lover." there is no need, my dear." "I have mentioned the fact, fifty "There is great need," she answered, times at least, to everybody here!" in the same way, "that I should open said Mrs. Markleham. my whole heart before the soul of gen- (" Then hold your tongue, for the erosity and truth, whom, year by year, Lord's sake, and don't mention it any and day by day, I have loved and more I" muttered my aunt.) venerated more and more, as Heaven " It was so great a change: so great knows " a loss, I felt it at first," said Annie, still "Really," interrupted Mrs. Markle- preserving the same look and tone, ham, "if I have any discretion at "that I was agitated and distressed. all-" I was but a girl; and when so great ("Which you haven't, you Mar- change came in the character in which OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 373 I had so long looked up to him, I think ble always on my mind, yet know in I was sorry. But nothing could have my own soul that on my marriage-day made him what he used to be again; I crowned the love and honor of my and I was proud that he should think life." me so worthy, and we were married." " A specimen of the thanks one gets," "-At Saint Alphage, Canterbury," cried Mrs. Markleham, in tears, "for observed Mrs. Markleham. taking care of one's family! I wish I (" Confound the woman!" said my was a Turk! " aunt, "she won't be quiet! ") (" I wish you were with all my heart " I never thought," proceeded Annie, -and in your native country!" said with a heightened color, " of any world- my aunt.) ly gain that my husband would bring to " It was at that time that mamma me. My young heart had no room in was most solicitous about my Cousin its homage for any such poor reference. Maldon. I had liked him," she spoke Mamma, forgive me when I say that it softly, but without any hesitation, was you who first presented to my mind "very much. We had been little lovthe thought that any one could wrong ers once. If circumstances had not me, and wrong him, by such a cruel sus- happened otherwise, I might have picion." come to persuade myself that I-really " Me!" cried Mrs. Markleham. loved him, and might have married (" Ah! You, to be sure!" observed him, and been most wretched. There my aunt, "and you can't fan it away, can be no disparity in marriage like my military friend!") unsuitability of mind and purpose." "It was the first unhappiness of my I pondered on those words, even new life," said Annie. "It was the while I was studiously attending to first occasion of every unhappy moment what followed, as if they had some parI have known. Those moments have ticular interest or some strange applibeen more, of late, than I can count; cation that I could not divine. "There but not,-my generous husband!-not can be no disparity in marriage like unfor the reason you suppose; for in my suitability of mind and purpose "-"no heart there is not a thought, a recollec- disparity in marriage like unsuitability tion, or a hope, that any power could of mind and purpose." separate from you." "There is nothing," said Annie, She raised her eyes, and clasped her "that we have in common. I have long hands, and looked as beautiful and true, found that there is nothing. If I were I thought, as any Spirit. The Doctor thankful to my husband for no more, looked on her, henceforth, as steadfastly instead of for so much, I should be as she on him. thankful to him for having saved me " Mamma is blameless," she went on, from the first mistaken impulse of my "of having ever urged you for herself, - undisciplined heart." and she is blameless in intention every She stood quite still, before the Docway, I am sure,- but when I saw how tor, and spoke with an earnestness that many importunate claims that were no thrilled me. Yet her voice was.just as claims were pressed upon you in my quiet as before. name; how you were traded on in my " When he was waiting to be the obname; how generous you were; and ject of your munificence, so freely behow Mr. Wickfield, who had your wel- stowed for my sake, and when I was fare very much at heart, resented it,- unhappy in the mercenary shape I was the first sense of my exposure to the made to wear, I thought it would have mean suspicion that my tenderness was become him better to have worked his bought - and sold to you, of all men, own way on. I thought, that if I had on earth -fell upon me, like unmerit- been he, I would have tried to do it, at ed disgrace, in which I forced you the cost of almost any hardship. But I to participate. I cannot tell you what thought no worse of him, until the night it was-mamma cannot imagine what of his departure for India. That night it was -to have this dread and trou- I knew he had a false and thankless 374 PERSONAL'HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE heart. I saw a double meaning, then, I honored you so much, and so much in Mr. Wickfield's scrutiny of me. I wished that you should honor me! " perceived, for the first time, the dark "Annie, my pure heart!" said the suspicion that shadowed my life." Doctor, " my dear girl " "Suspicion, Annie I" said the Doc- "A little more! a very few words tor. "No, no, no!" more! I used to think there were so "In your mind there was none, I many whom you might have married, know, my husband!" she returned. who would not have brought such " And when I came to you, that night, charge and trouble on you, and who to lay down all my load of shame and would have made your home a worthier grief, and knew that I had to tell, that, home. I used to be afraid that I had underneath your roof, one of my own better have remained your pupil, and kindred, to whom you had been a bene- almost your child. I used to fear that factor, for the love of me, had spoken I was so unsuited to your learning and to me words that should have found no wisdom. If all this made me shrink utterance, even if I had been the weak within myself (as indeed it did), when I and mercenary wretch he thought me, - had that to tell, it was still because I my mind revolted from the taint the honored you so much, and hoped that very tale conveyed. It died upon my you might one day honor me." lips, and from that hour till now has "That day has shone this long time, never passed them." Annie," said the Doctor, "and can Mrs. Markleham, with a short groan, have but one long night, my dear." leaned back in her easy-chair, and re- "Anotherword! 1 afterwards meant tired behind her fan, as if she were — steadfastly meant, and purposed to never coming out any more. myself- to bear the whole weight of " I have never, but in your presence, knowing the unworthiness of one to interchanged a word with him from whom you had been so good. And that time; then, only when it has been now a last word, dearest and best of necessary for the avoidance of this ex- friends! The cause of the late change planation. Years have passed since he in you, which I have seen with so much knew from me, what his situation here pain and sorrow, and have sometimes was. The kindnesses you have secretly referred to my old apprehension, - at done for his advancement, and then other times to lingering suppositions disclosed to me, for my surprise and nearer to the truth, - has been made pleasure, have been, you will' believe, clear to-night; and by an accident I but aggravations of the unhappiness have also come to know, to-night, the and burden of my secret." full measure of your noble trust in me, She sunk down gently at the Doctor's even under that mistake. I do not feet, though he did his utmost to pre- hope that any love and duty I may renvent her; and said, looking up, tear- der in return will ever make me worthy fully, into his face:- of your priceless confidence; but with "Do not speak to me yet! Let me all this. knowledge fresh upon me, I can say a little more I Right or wrong, if lift my eyes to this dear face, revered as this were to be done again, I think I a father's, loved as a husband's, sacred should do just the same. You never to me in my childhood as a friend's, can know what it was to be devoted to and solemnly declare that in my lightest you, with those old associations; to find thought I have never wronged you; that any one could be so hard as to never wavered in the love and the fidelsuppose that the truth of my heart was ity I owe you! " bartered away, and to be surrounded She had her arms around the Docby appearances confirming that belief. tor's neck, and he leant his head down I was very young, and had no adviser. over her, mingling his gray hair with Between mamma and me, in all relating her dark brown tresses. to you, there was a wide division. If I ", hold me to your heart, my husshrunk into myself, hiding the disre- band! Never cast me out! Do not spect I had undergone, it was because think or speak of disparity between us, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 375 for there is none, except in all my many can be no disparity in marriage like imperfections. Every succeeding year unsuitability of mind and purpose." I have known this better, as I have es- "The first mistaken impulse of an unteemed you more and more. 0, take disciplined heart." "'My love was me to your heart, my husband, for my founded on a rock." But we were at love was founded on a rock, and it en- home; and the trodden leaves were lydures!" ing under-foot, and the autumn wind In the silence that ensued, my aunt was blowing. walked gravely up to Mr. Dick, without at all hurrying herself, and gave him a hug and a sounding kiss. And it was CHAPTER XLVI. very fortunate, with a view to his credit, that she did so; for I am confident that INTELLIGENCE. I detected him at that moment in the act of making preparations to stand on I MUST have been married, if I may one leg, as an appropriate expression of trust to my imperfect memory for dates, delight. about a year or so, when one evening, "You are a very remarkable man, as I was returning from a solitary walk,.Dick!" said my aunt, with an air of thinking of the book I was then writing, unqualified approbation; "and never -for my success had steadily increased pretend to be anything else, for I know with my steady application, and I was better! " engaged at that time upon my first work With that, my aunt pulled him by of fiction,- I came past Mrs. Steerthe sleeve, and nodded to me; and we forth's house. I had often passed it three stole quietly out of the room, and before, during my residence in that came away. neighborhood, though never when I "That's a settler for our military could choose another road. Howbeit, friend, at any rate," said my aunt, on it did sometimes happen that it was not the way home. " I should sleep the easy to find another, without making a better for that, if there was nothing else long circuit; and so I had passed that to be glad of!" way, upon the whole, pretty often. "She was quite overcome, I am I had never done more than glance at afraid," said Mr. Dick, with great com- the house, as I went by with a quickmiseration. ened step. It had been uniformly " What! Did you ever see a croco- gloomy and dull. None of the best dile overcome?" inquired my aunt. rooms abutted on the road; and the "I don't think I ever saw a croco- narrow, heavily-framed old-faslhioned dile," returned Mr. Dick, mildly. windows, never cheerful under any cir" There never would have been any- cumstances, looked very dismal, close thing the matter, if it hadn't been for shut, and with their blinds always that old Animal," said my aunt, with drawn down. There was a covered way strong emphasis. "It's very much to across a little paved court, to an enbe wished that some mothers would trance that was never used; and there leave their daughters alone after mar- was one round staircase window, at odds riage, and not be so violently affection- with all the rest, and the only one unr ate. They seem to think the only re- shaded by a blind, whichhad the same turn that can be made them for bring- unoccupied blank look. I do not reing an unfortunate young woman into member that I ever saw a light in all the world -God bless my soul, as if the house. If I had been a casual she asked to be brought, or wanted to passer-by, I should have probably supcome! - is full liberty to worry her out posed that some childless person lay of it again. What are you thinking of, dead in it. If I had happily possessed Trot?" no knowledge of the place, and had I was thinking of all that had been seen it often in that changeless state, said. My mind was still running on I should have pleased my fancy with some of the expressions used. "There many ingenious speculations, I dare say. 376 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE As it was, I thought as little of it as her, then, still more colorless and thin I might. But my mind could not go by than when I had seen her last; -the it and leave it, as my body did; and it. flashing eyes still brighter, and the scar usually awakened a long train of medi- still plainer. tations. Coming before me on this Our meeting was not cordial. We particular evening that I mention, min- had parted angrily on the last occasion; gled with the childish recollections and and there was an air of disdain about later fancies, the ghosts of half-formed her, which she took no pains to conhopes, the broken shad6ws of disap- ceal. pointments dimly seen and understood, " I am told you wish to speak to me, the blending of experience and imagi- Miss Dartle," said I, standing near nation, incidental to the occupation with her, with my hand upon the back of the which my thoughts had been busy, it seat, and declining her gesture of inviwas more than commonly suggestive. tation to sit down. I fell into a brown study as I walked "If you please," said she. "Pray, on, and a voice at my side made me has this girl been found?" start. " No." It was a woman's voice, too. I was "And yet she has run away!" not long in recollecting Mrs. Steerforth's I saw her thin lips working while little parlor-maid, who had formerly she looked at me, as if they were eager worn blue ribbons in her cap. She had to load her with reproaches. taken them out now, to adapt herself, "Run away?" I repeated. I suppose, to the altered character of "Yes! From him," she said with the house; and wore but one or two a laugh. " If she is not found, perhaps disconsolate bows of sober brown. she never will be found. She may be "If you please, sir, would you have dead!" the goodness to walk in and speak to The vaunting cruelty with which she Miss Dartle?" met my glance I never saw expressed in "Has Miss Dartle sent you for me?" any other face that ever I have seen. I inquired. "To wish her dead," said I, "may " Not to-night, sir, but it's just the be the kindest wish that one of her own same. Miss Dartle saw you pass a sex could bestow upon her. I am glad night or two ago; and I was to sit at that time has softened you so much, work on the staircase, and when I saw Miss Dartle." you pass again, to ask you to step in She condescended to make no reply, and speak to her." but, turning on me with another scornI turned back, and inquired of my ful laugh, said, - conductor, as we went along, how Mrs. "The friends of this excellent and Steerforth was. She said her lady was much-injured young lady are friends of but poorly, and kept her own room a yours. You are their champion, and good deal. assert their rights. Do you wish to When we arrived at the house, I was know what is known of her? " directed to Miss Dartle in the garden, "Yes," said I. and left to make my presence known to She rose with an ill-favored smile, her myself. She was sitting on a seat and, taking a few steps towards a wall at one end of a kind of terrace, over- of holly that was near at hand, dividing looking the great city. It was a sombre the lawn from a kitchen garden, said, evening, with a lurid light in the sky; in a louder voice, "Come here! "-as and as I saw the prospect scowling in if she were calling to some unclean the distance, with here and there some beast. larger object starting up into the sullen " You will restrain any demonstrative glare, I fancied it was no inapt com- championshipor vengeance in this place, panion to the memory of this fierce of course, Mr. Copperfield? " said she, woman. looking over her shoulder at me with She saw me as I advanced, and rose the same expression. for a moment to receive me. I thought I inclined my ead, without knowing OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 377 what she meant; and she said, "Come dress, what with the air and sun, what here! " again, and returned, followed with being made so much of, what with by the respectable Mr. Littimer, who, this, that, and the other, her merits with undiminished respectability, made really attracted general notice." me a bow, and took up his position He made a short pause. Her eyes behind her. The air of wicked grace — wandered restlessly over the distant of triumph, in which, strange to say, prospect, and she bit her nether lip to there was yet something feminine and stop that busy mouth. alluring -with which she reclined upon Taking his hands from the seat, and the seat between us, and looked at me, placing one of them within the other, as was worthy of a cruel Princess in a he settled himself on one leg, Mr. LitLe"end. timer proceeded, with his eyes cast'~Now," said she, imperiously, with- down, and his respectable head a little out glancing at him, and touching the advanced, and a little on one side. old wound as it throbbed; perhaps, in " The young woman went on in this this instance, with pleasure rather than manner for some time, being occasionpain. "Tell Mr. Copperfield about ally low in her spirits, until I think she the flight." began to weary Mr. James by giving " Mr. James and myself, ma'am -" way to her low spirits and tempers of " Don't address yourself to me!" that kind; and things were not so comshe interrupted, with a frown. fortable. Mr. James, he began to be "Mr. James and myself, sir-" restless again. The mcre restless he "Nor to me, if you please," said I. got, the worse she got; and I must say, Mr. Littimer, without being at all for myself, that I had a very difficult liscomposed, signified by a slight obeis- time of it indeed between the two. Still ince, that anything that was most agree- matters were patched up here, and made ible to us was most agreeable to him; good there, over and over again; and nd began again. altogether lasted, I am sure, for a longer "Mr. James and myself have been time than anybody could have expectibroad with the young woman, ever ed.";ince she left Yarmouth under Mr. Recalling her eyes from the distance, fames's protection. We have been in she looked at me again now, with her! variety of places, and seen a deal of former air. Mr. Littimer, clearing his oreign country. We have been in throat behind his hand with a respect-?rance, Switzerland, Italy, in fact, al- able short cough, changed legs, and nost all parts." went on. He looked at the back of the seat, " At last, when there had been, upon s if he were addressing himself to that; the whole, a good many words and Lnd softly played upon it with his hands, reproaches, Mr. James he set off one Is if he were striking chords upon a morning from the neighborhood of Nalumb piano. ples, where we had a villa (the young " Mr. James took quite uncommonly woman being very partial to the sea), o the young woman, and was more and, under pretence of coming back in ettled, for a length of time, than I a day or so, left it in charge with me to lave known him to be since I have break it out, that, for the general hap)een in his service. The young woman piness of all concerned, he was " vas very improvable, and spoke the here an interrupution of the short cough anguages, and wouldn't have been -"gone. But Mr. James, I must say,;nown for the same country person. I certainly did behave extremely honorloticed that she was much admired able; for he proposed that the young wherever we went." woman should marry a very respectable Miss Dartle put her hand upon her person, who was fully prepared to overide. I saw him steal a glance at her, look the past, and who was, at least, as.nd slightly smile to himself good as anybody the young woman " Very much admired, indeed, the could have aspired to in a regular way: ounig woman was. What with her — her connections being very common.' 378 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE He changed legs again, and wetted have spurned the body of the ruined his lips. I was convinced that the girl. scoundrel spoke of himself, and I saw "She may have drowned herself my conviction reflected in Miss Dartle's miss," returned Mr. Littimer, catching face. at an excuse for addressing himself tc "This I also had it in charge to somebody. "It's very possible. Or, communicate. I was willing to do any- she may have had assistance from the thing to relieve Mr. James from his boatmen, and the boatmen's wives and difficulty, and to restore harmony be- children. Being given to low company, tween himself and an affectionate parent she was very much in the habit of talkwho has undergone so much on his ing to them on the beach, Miss Dartle. account. Therefore I undertook the and sitting by their boats. I have commission. The young woman's vio- known her to do it, when Mr. Jame, lence when she came to, after I broke has been away, whole days. Mr the fact of his departure, was beyond James was far from pleased to find ou all expectations. She was quite mad, once, that she had told the children sb( and had to be held by force; or, if she was a boatman's daughter, and that ii could n't have got to a knife, or got to her own country, long ago, she hac the sea, she'd have beaten her head roamed about the beach, like them." against the marble floor." O Emily! Unhappy beauty! Whai Miss Dartle, leaning back upon the a picture rose before me of her sitting seat, with a light of exultation in her on the far-offshore, among the childrex face, seemed almost to caress the sounds like herself when she was innocent this fellow had uttered. listening to little voices such as migh "But when I came to the second have called her Mother, had she been - part of what had been intrusted to me," poor man's wife; and to the great voic( said Mr. Littimer, rubbing his hands, of the sea, with its eternal "Never uneasily, " which anybody might have more! " supposed would have been, at all events, "When it was clear that nothing appreciated as a kind intention, then could be done, Miss Dartle - " the young woman came out in her true " Did I tell you not to speak to me?' colors. A more outrageous person I she said, with stein contempt. never did see. Her conduct was sur- " You spoke to me, miss," he replied prisingly bad. She had no more grati- " I beg your pardon. But it's my ser tude, no more feeling, no more patience, vice to obey." no more reason in her, than a stock or "Do your service," she returned a stone. If I hadn't been upon my "Finish your story, and go!" guard, I am convinced she would have "When it was clear," he said, witl had my blood." infinite respectability, and an obedien " I think the better of her for it," bow, "that she was not to be found, I said I, indignantly, went to Mr. James, at the place whern Mr. Littimer bent his head, as much it had been agreed that I should writ( as to say, "Indeed, sir? But you're to him, and informed him of what hac young! " and resumed his narrative. occurred. Words passed between us ir "It was necessary, in short, for a consequence, and I felt it due to m3 time, to take away everything nigh her character to leave him. I could bear that she could do herself, or anybody and I have borne, a great deal from Mr else, an injury with, and to shut her up James; but he insulted me too far close. Notwithstanding which, she got He hurt me. Knowing the unfortunate out in the night; forced the lattice of difference between himself and his a window, that I had nailed up myself; mother, and what her anxiety of mine dropped on a vine that was trailed be- was likely to be, I took the liberty o: low; and never has been seen or heard coming home to England, and relat. of, to my knowledge, since." ing-" " She is dead, perhaps," said Miss " For money which I paid him," saic Dartle, with a smile, as if she could Miss Dartle to me. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 379 " Just so, ma'am, - and relating what to say. "Except," I added, as I saw knew. I am not aware," said Mr. him moving off, "that I understand this,ittimer, after a moment's reflection, fellow's part in the wicked story, and that there is anything else. I am at that, as I shall make it known to the resent out of employment, and should honest man who has been her father e happy to meet with a respectable from her childhood, 1 would recomItuation." mend him to avoid going too much Miss Dartle glanced at me, as though into public." he would inquire if there were any- He had stopped the moment I began, ring that I desired to ask. As there and had listened with his usual repose of ras something which had occurred to manner. ly mind, I said in reply,- "Thank you, sir. But you'11 excuse "I could wish to know from this- me if I say, sir, that there are neither reature," I could not bring myself to slaves nor slave-drivers in this countter any more conciliatory word, try, and that people are not allowed to whether they intercepted a letter that take the law into their own hands. If ras written to her from home, or they do, it is more to their own peril, whether he supposes that she received I believe, than to other people's.." Consequently speaking, I am not at all He remained calm and silent, with his afraid of going wherever I may wish, yes fixed on the ground, and the tip of sir." very finger of his right hand delicately With that, he made a polite bow; and, oised against the tip of every finger of with another to Miss Dartle, went away is left. through the arch in the wall of holly by Miss Dartle turned her head disdain- which he had come. Miss Dartle and illy towards him. I regarded each other for a little while " I beg your pardon, miss," he said, in silence; her manner being exactly wakening from his abstraction, "but, what it was when she had produced owever submissive to you, I have my the man. osition, though a servant. Mr. Cop- " He says besides," she observed, erfield and you, miss, are different with a slow curling of her lip, "that eople. If Mr. Copperfield wishes to his master, as he hears, is coasting now anything from me, I take the lib- Spain; and this done, is away to gratify rty of reminding Mr. Copperfield that his seafaring tastes till he is weary. But e can put a question to me. I have a that is of no interest to you. Between haracter to maintain." these two proud persons, mother and After a momentary struggle with my- son, there is a wider breach than beelf, I turned my eyes upon him, and fore, and little hope of its healing, for aid, "You have heard my question. they are one at heart, and time makes onsider it addressed to yourself, if you each more obstinate and imperious. hoose. What answer do you make?" Neither is this of any interest to you; "Sir," he rejoined, with an occa- but it introduces what I wish to say. ional separation and reunion of those This devil whom you make an angel elicate tips, "my answer must be of, I mean this low girl whom he ualified; because to betray Mr. picked out of the tide-mud," with her ames's confidence to his mother, and black eyes full upon me, and her pas3 betray it to you, are two different ac- sionate finger up, "may be alive, - for ions. It is not probable, I consider, I believe some common things are hard hat Mr. James would encourage the to die. If she is, you will desire to have eceipt of letters likely to increase low a pearl of such price found and taken pirits and unpleasantness; but further care of. We desire that, too; that he lan that, sir, I should wish to avoid may not by any chance be made her:oing." prey again. So far, we are united in "Is that all?" inquired Miss Dartle one interest; and that is why I, who,f me. would do her any mischief that so I indicated that I had nothing more coarse a wretch is capable of feeling, 380 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE have sent for you to hear what you I answered that I had been som have heard." time married. I saw, by the change in her face, that "And are doing well? I hear littl some one was advancing behind me. It in the quiet life I lead, but I unde: was Mrs. Steerforth, who gave me her stand you are beginning to be famous. hand more coldly than of yore, and with " I have been very fortunate," I saik an augmentation of her former stateliness "and find my name connected wit of manner; but still, I perceived, - and some praise." I was touched by it, - with an ineffacea- " You have no mother?" - in a sof ble remembrance of my old love for her ened voice. son. She was greatly altered. Her fine "No." figure was far less upright, her handsome "It is a pity," she returned. " St face was deeply marked, and her hair would have been proud of you. Goc was almost white. But when she sat night I" down on the seat, she was a handsome I took the hand she held out with lady still; and well I knew the bright dignified, unbending air, and it was eye with its lofty look, that had been a calm in mine as if her breast had bee light in my very dreams at school. in peace. Her pride could still its vei " Is Mr. Copperfield informed of ev- pulses it appeared, and draw the placi erything, Rosa?" veil before her face, through which sl "Yes." sat looking straight before her on tl "And has he heard Littimer him- far distance. self?" As I moved away from them alor " Yes; I have told him why you the terrace, I could not help observir wished it." how steadily they both sat gazing c "You are a good girl. I have had the prospect, and how it thickened ar some slight correspondence with your closed around them. Here and ther, former friend, sir," addressing me, some early lamps were seen to twink "but it has not restored his sense of in the distant city; and in the eastel duty or natural obligation. Therefore quarter of the sky the lurid light sti I have no other object in this than hovered. But, from the greater part, what Rosa has mentioned. If, by the the broad valley interposed, a mist wi course which may relieve the mind of rising like a sea, which, mingling wit the decent man you brought here (for the darkness, made it seem as if tIl whom I am sorry —I can say no gathering waters would encompass then more), my son may be saved from I have reason to remember this, an again falling into the snares of a de- think of it with awe; for before signing enemy, well! " looked upon those two again, a storm She drew herself up, and sat looking sea had risen to their feet. straight before her, far away. Reflecting on what had been tht "Madam," I said, respectfully, "I told me, I felt it right that it should 1: understand. I assure you I am in no communicated to Mr. Peggotty. O danger of putting any strained construc- the following evening I went into Lor tion on your motives. But I must say, don in quest of him. He was alwa3 even to you, having known this injured wandering about from place to place family from childhood, that, if you sup- with his one object of recovering h! pose the girl, so deeply wronged, has niece before him; but was more i not been cruelly deluded, and would London than elsewhere. Often an not rather die a hundred deaths than often, now, had I seen him in the dea take a cup of water from your son's of night passing along the street: hand now, you cherish a terrible. mis- searching, among the few who loitere take." out of doors at those untimely hour: " Well, Rosa, well! " said Mrs. Steer- for what he dreaded to find. forth, as the other was about to interpose, He kept a lodging over the littl "it is no matter. Let it be. You are chandler's shop in Hungerford Marke married, sir, I am told? " which I have had occasion to mentio OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 381 nore than once, and from which he He said this, musing, in a low, frightLrst went forth upon his errand of mer- ened voice; and walked across the little y. Hither I directed my walk. On room. taking inquiry for him, I learned from "And yet," he added, "Mas'r Davy, he people of the house that he had not I have felt so sure as she was living, - one out yet, and I should find him in I have know'd, awake and sleeping, as is room up stairs. -it was so trew that I should find her,He was sitting reading by a window I have been so led on by it, and held a which he kept a few plants. The up by it, - that I doen't believe I can 3om was very neat and orderly. I saw have been deceived. No I Em'ly's i a moment that it was -always kept alive!" repared for her reception, and that he He put his hand down firmly on the ever went out but he thought it possi- table, and set his sun-burnt face into a le he might bring her home. He had resolute expression. ot heard my tap at the door, and only "My niece, Em'ly, is alive, sir I" iised his eyes when I laid my hand he said steadfastly. "I doen't know pon his shoulder. wheer it comes from, or how't is, but " Mas'r Davy! Thankee, sir! thankee I am told as she's alive! " earty, for this visit! Sit ye down. He looked almost like a man inspired,'ou're kindly welcome, sir." as he said it. I waited for a few mo"Mr. Peggotty," said I, taking the ments, until he could give me his unhair he handed me, "don't expect divided attention; and then proceeded iuch! I have heard some news." to explain the precaution, that, it had "Of Em'ly!" occurred to me last night, it would be He put his hand, in a nervous man- wise to take. er, on his mouth, and turned pale, as " Now, my dear friend-" I began. e fixed his eyes on mine. "Thankee, thankee, kind sir," he " It gives no clew to where she is; said, grasping my hand in both of his. ut she is not with him." " If she should make her way to LonHe sat down, looking intently at me, don, which is likely —for where could nd listened in profound silence to all I she lose herself so readily as in this ad to tell. I well remember the sense vast city; and what would she wish to f dignity, beauty even, with which the do, but lose and hide herself, if she atient gravity of his face impressed me, does not go home?-"'hen, having gradually removed his "And she won't go home," he interyes from mine, he sat looking down- posed, shaking his head mournfully. rard, leaning his forehead on his hand. "If she had left of her own accord, she le offered no interruption, but re- might; not as't was, sir." lained throughout perfectly still. He "If she should come here," said I, eemed to pursue her figure through "I believe there is one person, here, ae narrative, and to let every other more likely to discover her than any hape go by him, as if it were nothing. other in the world. Do you remember When I had done, he shaded his face, -hear what I say, with fortitude - nd continued silent. I looked out of think of your great object!-do you lie window for a little while, and occu- remember Martha? ",ied myself with the plants. " Of our town?" "How do you fare to feel about it, I needed no other answer than his Jas'r Davy? " he inquired at length. face. "I think that she is living," I re- " Do you know that she is in Lonilied. don?" "I doen't know. May be the first " I have seen her in the streets," he hock was too rough, and in the wild- answered with a shiver. less of her art-! That there blue " But you don't know," said I, "that vater as she used to speak on. Could Emily was charitable to her, with Ham's he have thowt o' that so many year, help, long before she fled from home. )ecause it was to be her grave I" Nor, that, when we met one night, and 382 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE spoke together in the room yonder, over he supposed, for example, Ham woul the way, she listened at the door." do, if he and Steerforth ever should en "Mas'r Davy?" he replied in aston- - counter? ishment. "That night when it snew "I doen't know, sir," he replied. "' so hard?" have thowt of it oftentimes, but I can' "That night. I have never seen her arrize myself of it, no matters." since. I went back, after parting from I recalled to his remembrance the you, to speak to her, but she was gone. morning after her departure, when w( I was unwilling to mention her to you were all three on the beach. "Do yoi then, and I am now; but she is the per- recollect," said I, "a certain wild wa, son of whom I speak, and with whom I in which he looked out to sea and spoke think we should communicate. Do you about'the end of it'? " understand?" "Sure I do! " said he. "Too well, sir," he replied. We had "What do you suppose he meant? " sunk our voices, almost to a whisper, "Mas'r Davy," he replied, " I'vy and continued to speak in that tone. put the question to myself a mort o "You say you have seen her. Do you times, and never found no answer. An( think that you could find her? I could theer's one curious thing- that, thougl only hope to do so by chance." he is so pleasant, I wouldn't fare t( " I think, Mas'r Davy, I know wheer feel comfortable to try and get his mine to look." upon't. He never said a wured to mi "It is dark. Being together, shall as warn't as dootiful as dootiful coulc we go out now, and try to find her to- be, and it ain't likely as he'd begin t( night? " speak any other ways now; but it's fu: He assented, and prepared to accom- from being fleet water in his mind pany me. Without appearing to ob- where them thowts lays. It's deep serve what he was doing, I saw how sir, and I can't see down." carefully he adjusted the little room, put "You are right," said I, "and tha a candle ready and the means of light- has sometimes made me anxious." ing it, arranged the bed, and finally took "And me too, Mas'r Davy," he re out of a drawer one of her dresses (I re- joined. "Even more so, I do assure you member to have seen her wear it), neatly than his ventersome ways, though botl folded with some other garments, and a belongs to the alteration in him. bonnet, which he placed upon a chair. doen't know as he'd do violence unde: He made no allusion to these clothes, any circumstances, but I hope as then neither did I. There they had been two may be kep asunders." waiting for her, many and many a night, We had come, through Temple Bar no doubt. into the city. Conversing no more now "The time was, Mas'r Davy," he and walking at my side, he yieldec said, as we came down stairs, "when himself up to the one aim of his devotee I thowt this girl, Martha, a'most like life, and went on, with that hushed con the dirt underneath my Em'ly's feet. centration of his faculties which woulc God forgive me, there's a difference have made his figure solitary in a mul now " titude. We were not far from Black As we went along, partly, to hold him friars Bridge, when he turned his heac in conversation, and partly to satisfy and pointed to a solitary female figun myself,'I asked him about Ham. He flitting along the opposite side of the said, almost in the same words as for- street. I knew it, readily, to be tht merly, that Ham was just the same, figure that we sought. " wearing away his life with kiender no We crossed the road, and were press care nohow for't; but never murmur- ing on towards her, when it occurrec ing, and liked by all." to me that she might be more disposec I asked him what he thought Ham's to feel a woman's interest in the los: state of mind was, in reference to the girl, if we spoke to her in a quietei cause of their misfortunes? Whether place, aloof from the crowd, and where he believed it was dangerous? What we should be less observed. I advisee OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 383 ny companion, therefore, that we should as quietly as we could in the shadow lot address her yet, but follow her; of the houses, but keeping very near;onsulting in this, likewise, an indis- her. inct desire I had, to know where she There was, and is when I write, at vent. the end of that low-lying street, a dilapHe acquiescing, we followed at a dis- idated little wooden building, probably ance; never losing sight of her, but an obsolete old ferry-house. Its posiiever caring to come very near, as she tion is just at that point where the street requently looked about. Once, she ceases, and the road begins to lie be-;topped to listen to a band of music; tween a row of houses and the river. md then we stopped too. As soon as she came here, and saw the She went on a long way. Still we water, she stopped as if she had come vent on. It was evident, from the man- to her destination; and presently went ler in which she held her course, that slowly along by the brink of the river,;he was going to some fixed destination; looking intently at it. md this, and her keeping in the busy All the way here, I had supposed that streets, and, I suppose the strange fas- she was going to some house; indeed, I ination in the secrecy and mystery of had vaguely entertained the hope that;o following any one, made me adhere -the house might be in some way assoo my first purpose. At length she ciated with the lost girl. But, that one urned into a dull, dark street, where dark glimpse of the river, through the he noise and crowd were lost; and I gateway, had instinctively prepared me;aid, "We may speak to her now "; for her going no farther. Lnd, mending our pace, we went after The neighborhood was a dreary one ser. at that time; as oppressive, sad, and solitary by night, as any about London. There were neither wharves nor CHAPTER XLVII. houses on the melancholy waste of road near the great blank Prison. A slugMARTHA. gish ditch deposited its mud at the prison walls. Coarse grass and rank weeds WE were now down in Westminster. straggled over all the marshy land in We had turned back to follow her, hav- the vicinity. In one part, carcasses of ng encountered her coming towards houses, inauspiciously begun and nevis; and Westminster Abbey was the er finished, rotted away. In another, moint at which she passed from the the ground was cumbered with rusty lights and noise of the leading streets. iron monsters of steam-boilers, wheels, She proceeded so quickly, when she cranks, pipes, furnaces, paddles, anchors, got free of the two currents of passen- diving-bells, windmill-sails, and I know Iers setting towards and from the not what strange objects, accumulated bridge, that, between this and the ad- by some speculator, and grovelling in the vance she had of us when she struck dust, underneath which-having sunk off, we were in the narrow water-side into the soil of their own weight in wet street by Millbank before we came up weather - they had the appearance of with her. At that moment she crossed vainly trying to hide themselves. The the road, as if to avoid the footsteps clash and glare of sundry fiery Works that she heard so close behind; and, upon the river-side arose by night to without looking back, passed on even disturb everything except the heavy more rapidly. and unbroken smoke that poured out of A glimpse of the river through a dull their chimneys. Slimy gaps and causegateway, where some wagons were ways, winding among old wooden piles, housed for the night, seemed to arrest' with a sickly substance clinging to my feet. I touched my companion with- the latter, like green hair, and the out speaking, and we both forbore to rags of last year's handbills offering recross after her, and both followed on wards for drowned men fluttering above that opposite side of the way; keeping high-water mark, led down through the 384 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ooze and slush to the ebb tide. There stones, holding her wretched head with was a story that one of the pits dug for both her hands. the dead in the time of the Great "0, the river!" she cried passionPlague was hereabout; and a blighting ately. "0, the river! " influence seemed to have proceeded "Hush, hush!" said I. "Calm from it over the whole place. Or else it yourself." looked as if it had gradually decom- But she still repeated the same words, posed into that nightmare condition, continually exclaiming, "0, the river!" out of the overflowings of the polluted over and over again. stream. "I know it's like me!" she exAs if she were a part of the refuse it claimed. " I know that I belong to it. had cast out, and left to corruption and I know that it's the natural company of decay, the girl we had followed strayed such as I am! It comes from country down to the river's brink, and stood in places, where there was once no harm the midst of this night-picture, lonely in it, -and it creeps through the disand still, looking at the water. mal streets, defiled and miserable, - There were some boats and barges and it goes away, like my life, to a great astrand in the mud, and these enabled sea that is always troubled, -and I feel us to come within a few yards of her that I must go with it! " without being seen. I then signed to I have never known what despair Mr. Peggotty to remain where he was, was, except in the tone of those words. and emerged from their shade to speak " I can't keep away from it. I can't to her. I did not approach her soli- forget it. It haunts me day and night. tary figure without trembling; for this It's the only thing in all the world that gloomy end to her determined walk, I am fit for, or that's fit for me. 0, the and the way in which she stood, almost dreadful river! " within the cavernous shadow of the iron The thought passed through my mind bridge, looking at the lights crookedly that in the face of my companion, as he reflected in the strong tide, inspired a looked upon her without speech or modread within me. tion, I might have read his niece's hisI think she was talking to herself. I tory, if I had known nothing of it. am sure, although absorbed in gazing at never saw, in any painting or reality, the water, that her shawl was off her horror and compassion so impressively shoulders, and that she was muffling blended. He shook as if he would have her hands in it, in an unsettled and be- fallen; and his hand -I touched it wildered way, more like the action of a with myown, for his appearance alarmed sleep-walker than a waking person. I me -was deadly cold. know, and never can forget, that there " She is in a state of frenzy," I whiswas that in her wild manner which pered to him. " She will speak differgave me no assurance but that she ently in a little time." would sink before my eyes, until I had I don't know what he would have said her arm within my grasp. in answer. He made some motion with At the same moment I said, " Mar- his mouth, and seemed to think he had tha!" spoken; but he had only pointed to her She uttered a terrified scream, and with his outstretched hand. struggled with me with such strength A new burst of crying came upon her that I doubt if I could have held her now, in which she once more hid her alone. But a stronger hand than mine face among the stones, and lay before was laid upon her; and when she us, a prostrate image of humiliation raised her frightened eves and saw and ruin. Knowing that this state whose it was, she made but one more must pass, before we could speak to effort and dropped down between us. her with any hope, I-ventured to reWe carried her away from the water to strain him when he would have rai: where there were some dry stones, and her, and we stood by in silence unti there laid her down, crying and moan- she became more tranquil. ing. In a little while she sat among the "Martha," said I then, leaning dcoa, MARTHA. OP DA VID COPPERFIELD. 385 and helping her to rise, - she seemed good to me t She never spoke a word to want to rise as if with the intention to me but what was pleasant and right. of going away, but she was weak, and Is it likely I would try to make her leaned against a boat. " Do you know what I am myself, knowing what I am who this is, who is with me?" myself, so well! When I lost everyShe said faintly, "Yes." thing that makes life dear, the worst of "Do you know that we have followed all my thoughts was that I was parted you a long way to-night?" forever from her! " She shook her head. She looked Mr. Peggotty, standing with one hand neither at him nor at me, but stood in a on the gunwale of the boat, and his humbled attitude, holding her bonnet eyes cast down, put his disengaged hand and shawl in one hand, without appear- before his face. ing conscious of them, and pressing "And when I heard what had hapthe other, clenched, against her fore- pened before that snowy night, from head. some belonging to our town," cried "Are you composed enough," said I, Martha, "the bitterest thought in all "to speak on the subject which so in- my mind was, that the people would reterested you - I hope Heaven may re- member she once kept company with member it! - that snowy night? " me, and would say I had corrupted Her sobs broke out afresh, and she her! When, Heaven knows, I would murmured some inarticulate thanks to have died to have brought back her me for not having driven her away from good name!" the door. Long unused to any self-control, the "I want to say nothing for myself," piercing agony of her remorse and she said, after a few.moments. "I am grief was terrible. bad, I am lost. I have no hope at all. " To have died, would not have been But tell him, sir," she had shrunk away much —what can I say?- I would from him, "if you don't feel too hard have lived!" she cried. "I would to me to do it, that I never was in any have lived to be old, in the wretched way the cause of his misfortune." streets - and to wander about, avoided, " It has never been attributed to in the dark-and to see the day break you," I returned, earnestly responding on the ghastly line of houses, and reto her earnestness. member how the same sun used to " It was you, if I don't deceive my- shine into my room, and wake me once, self," she said, in a broken voice, "that - I would have done even that to save came into the kitchen, the night she her! " took such pity on me; was so gentle to Sinking on the stones, She took some me; didn't shrink away from me like in each hand, and clenched them up, as all the rest, and gave me such kind if she would have ground them. She help! Was it you, sir? " writhed into some new posture con" It was," said I. stantly: stiffening her arms, twisting " I should have been in the river long them before her face, as though to shut ago," she said, glancing at it with a ter- out from her eyes the little light there rible expression, "if any wrong to her was, and drooping her head, as if it had been upon my mind. I never were heavy with insupportable recolleccould have kept out of it a single win- tions. ter's night, if I had not been free of "What shall I ever do! " she said, any share in that! " fighting thus with her despair. "How "The cause of her flight is too well can I go on as I am, a solitary curse to understood," I said. "You are inno- myself; a living disgrace to every one I cent of any part in it, we thoroughly be- come near! " Suddenly she turned to lieve, -we know." my companion. "Stamp upon me, " 0, I might have been much the kill me! When she was your pride, better for her, if I had had a better you would have thought I had done her heart!" exclaimed the girl, with most harm if I had brushed against her in the forlorn regret; "for she was always street. Youcan'tbelieve-why should 35 386 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE you?- a syllable that comes out of my her shawl carefully about her, taking it lips. It would be a burning shame up from the ground for that purpose. upon you even now, if she and I ex- "Whereby," said he, " I know, both changed a word. I don't complain. I as she would go to the wureld's furdest don't say she and I are alike - I know end with me, if she could once see me there is a long, long way between us. I again; and that she would fly to the only say, with all my guilt and wretch- wureld's furdest end to keep off seeedness upon my head, that I am grate- ing me. For though she ain't no call ful to her from my soul, and love her. to doubt my love, and doen't - and O don't think that all the power I had doen't," he repeated, with a quiet assurof loving anything is quite worn out! ance of the truth of what he said, Throw me away, as all the world does. "there's shame steps in, and keeps Kill me for being what I am, and hav- betwixt us." ing ever known her; but don't think I read, in every word of his plain, imthat of me!" pressive way of delivering himself, new He looked upon her, while she made evidence of his having thought of this this supplication, in a wild, distracted one topic, in every feature it presented. manner; and, when she was silent, "According to our reckoning," he gently raised her. proceeded, "Mas'r Davy's here and "Martha," said Mr. Peggotty, mine, she is like, one day, to make her "God forbid as I should judge you. own poor solitary course to London. Forbid as I, of all men, should do that, We believe — Mas'r Davy, me, and all my girl! You doen't know half the of us - that you are as innocent of everychange that's come, in course of time, thing that has befell her, as the unborn upon me, when you think it likely. child. You've spoke of her being pleasWell!" he paused a moment, then ant, kind, andgentre to you. Bless her, went on. "You doen't understand how I knew she was! I knew she always't is that this here gentleman and me has was, to all. You're thankful to her and wished to speak to you. You doen't you love her. Help us all you can to understand what'tis we has afore us. find her, and may Heaven reward Listen now!" you! " His influence upon her was complete. She looked at him hastily, and for the She stood shrinkingly, before him, as if first time, as if she were doubtful of she were afraid to meet his eyes; but what he had said. her passionate sorrow was quite hushed "Will you trust me? " she asked, in and mute. a low voice of astonishment. " If you heerd," said Mr. Peggotty, " Full and free! " said Mr. Peggotty. "owt of what passed between Mas'r "To speak to her, if I should ever Davy and me, th' night when it snew so find her; shelter her, if I have any hard, you know as I have been - wheer shelter to divide with her; and then, not-fur to seek my dear niece. My without her knowledge, come to you, dear niece," he repeated steadily. and bring you to her?" sle asked hur"Fur she's more dear to me now, riedly. Martha, than ever she was dear afore." We both replied together, "Yes I"' She put her hands before her face; She lifted up her eyes, and solemnly but otherwise remained quiet. declared that she would devote herself "I have heerd her tell," said Mr. to this task, fervently and faithfully. Peggotty, " as you was early left father- That she would never waver in it, never less and motherless, with no friend fur be diverted from it, never relinquish it to take, in a rough seafaring-way, their while there wasany chanceof Iope. If place. Maybe you can guess that if she were not true to it, might the object you'd had such a friend, you'd have she now had in life, which botud her to got into a way of being fond of him in something devoid of evil, in' its passing course of time, and that my niece was away from her, leave her more forlorn kiender daughter-like to me." and more despairing, if that were possiAs she was silently trembling, h.put ble, than she had been upon the river's OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 387 brink that night; and then might all must stand at his dread time, dismiss help, human and Divine, renounce her that terrible idea! We can all do some evermore! good, if we will." She did not raise her voice above her She trembled, and her lip shook, and breath, or address us, but said this to her face was paler, as she answered, - the night sky; then stood profoundly "It has been put into your hearts, quiet, looking at the gloomy water. perhaps, to save a wretched creature We judged it expedient, now, to tell for repentance. I am afraid to think so; her all we knew; which I recounted at it seems too bold. If any good should length. She listened with great atten- come of me, I might begin to hope; for tion, and with a face that often changed, nothing but harm has ever come of my but had the same purpose in all its vary- deeds yet. I am to be trusted, for the ing expressions. Her eyes occasionally first time in a long while, with my misfilled with tears, but those she repressed. erable life, on account of what you have It seemed as if her spirit were quite given me to try for. I know no more, altered, and she could not be too quiet. and I can say no more." She asked, when all was told, where Again she repressed the tears that had we were to be communicated with, if began to flow; and, putting out her occasion should arise. Under a dull trembling hand, and touching Mr. Peglamp in the road, I wrote our two ad- gotty, as if there was some healing virdresses on a leaf of my pocket-book, tue in him, went away along the desowhich I tore out and gave to her, and late road. She had been ill, probably which she put in her poor bosom. I for a long time. I observed, upon that asked her where she lived herself. She closer opportunity of observation, that said, after a pause, in no place long. It she was worn and haggard, and that her were better not to know. sunken eyes expressed privation and enMr. Peggotty suggesting to me, in a durance. whisper, what had already occurred to We followed her at a short distance, myself,.I took out my purse; but I our way lying in the same direction, could not prevail upon her to accept until we came back into the lighted and any money, nor could I exact any populous streets. I had such implicit promise from her that she would do so confidence in her declaration, that I at another time. I represented to her then put it to Mr. Peggotty, whether it that Mr. Peggotty could not be called, would not seem, in the onset, like disfor one in his condition, poor; and that trusting her, to follow her any further. the idea of her engaging in this search, He being of the same mind, and equally while depending on her own resources, reliant on her, we suffered her to take shocked us both. She continued stead- her own road, and took ours, which was fast. In this particular, his influence towards Highgate. He accompanied upon her was equally powerless with me a good part of the way; and when mine. She gratefully thanked him, but we parted, with a prayer for the success remained inexorable. of this fresh effort, there was a new and " There may be work to be got," she thoughtful compassion in him that I was said. " I'11 try." at no loss to interpret. "At least take some assistance," I It was midnight when I arrived at returned, "until you have tried." home. I had reached my own gate, " I could not do what I have prom- and was standing listening for the deep ised, for money," she replied. " I could bell of Saint Paul's, the sound of which not take it, if I was starving. To give I thought had been borne towards me me money would be to take away your among the multitude of striking clocks, trust, to take away the object that you when I was rather surprised to see that have given me, to take away the only the door of my aunt's cottage was open, certain thing that saves me from the and that a faint light in the entry was river." shining out across the road. "In the name of the great Judge," Thinking that my aunt might have resaid I, " before whom you and all of us lapsed into one of her old alarms, and 388 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE might be watching the progress of some "I have become shabby enough, if imaginary conflagration in the distance, you mean that," he said. "I lead the I went to speak to her. It was with very life of an owl." great surprise that I saw a man stand- "You stripped me of the greater part mg in her little garden. of all I ever had," said my aunt. He had a glass and bottle in his hand, " You closed my heart against the whole and was in the act of drinking. I world, years and years. You treated stopped short, among the thick foliage me falsely, ungratefully, and cruelly. outside, for the moon was up now, Go, and repent of it. Don't add new though obscured; and I recognized the injuries to the long, long list of injuries man whom I had once supposed to be a you have done ne! " delusion of Mr. Dick's, and had once "Ay! " he returned. " It's all very encountered with my aunt in the streets fine!- Well! I must do the best I of the city. can, for the present, I suppose." He was eating as well as drinking, In spite of himself, he appeared and seemed to eat with a hungry ap- abashed by my aunt's indignant tears, petite. He seemed curious regarding and came slouching out of the garden. the cottage, too, as if it were the first Taking two or three quick steps, as if I time he had seen it. After stooping to had just come up, I met him at the gate, put the bottle on the ground, he looked and went in as he came out. We eyed up at the windows, and looked about; one another narrowly in passing, and though with a covert and impatient air, with no favor. as if he was anxious to be gone. "Aunt," said I, hurriedly. "This The light in the passage was obscured man alarming you again! Let me for a moment, and my aunt came out. speak to him. Who is he?" She was agitated, and told some money "Child," returned my aunt, taking into his hand. I heard it chink. my arm, "come in, and don't speak to "What's the use of this?" he de- me for ten minutes." manded. We sat down in her little parlor. My " I can spare no more," returned my aunt retired behind the round green fan aunt. of former days, which was screwed on "Then I can't go," said he. "Here! the back of a chair, and occasionally You may take it back! " wiped her eyes, for about a quarter of " You bad man," returned my aunt, an hour. Then she came out, and took with great emotion; "how can you use a seat beside me. me so? But why do I ask? It is be- "Trot," said my aunt, calmly, " it's cause you know how weak I am! my husband." What have I to do, to free myself for- " Your husband, aunt? I thought ever of your visits, but to abandon you he had been dead!" to your deserts?" "Dead to me," returned my aunt, "And why don't you abandon me to "but living." my deserts?" said he. I sat in silent amazement. "You ask me why!" returned my " Betsey Trotwood don't look a likeaunt. " What a heart you must have!" ly subject for the tender passion," said He stood moodily rattling the money, my aunt, composedly, "but the time and shaking his head, until at length he was, Trot, when she believed in that said, - man most entirely. When she loved " Is this all you mean to give me, him, Trot, right well. When there was then?" no proof of attachment and affection " It is all I can give you," said my that she would not have given him. aunt. "You know I have had losses, He repaid her by breaking her fortune, and am poorer than I used to be. I and nearly breaking her heart. So she have told you so. Having got it, why put all that sort of sentiment, once and do you give me the pain of looking at forever, in a grave, and filled it up, and you for another moment, and seeing flattened it down." what you have become?" "My dear, good aunt I" OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 389 "I left him," my aunt proceeded, that I was keenly alive to it, and laying her hand as usual on the back of thought better of my own performance, mine, "generously. I may say at this I have little doubt, than anybody else distance of time, Trot, that I left him did. It has always been in my obgenerously. He had been so cruel to servation of human nature, that a man me, that I might have effected a sepa- who has any good reason to believe in ration on easy terms for myself: but I himself never flourishes himself before did not. He soon made ducks and the faces of other people in order that drakes of what I gave him, sank lower they may believe in him. Forthis reaand lower, married another woman, I son, I retained my modesty in very selfbelieve, became an adventurer, a gam- respect; and the more praise I got, the bler, and a cheat. What he is now, you more I tried to deserve. see. But he was a fine-looking man It is not my purpose, in this record, when I married him," said my aunt, though in all other essentials it is my with an echo of her old pride and ad- written memory, to pursue the history of miration in her tone; " and I believed my own fictions. They express themhim - I was a fool! - to be the soul selves, and I leave them to themselves. of honor!" When I refer to them, incidentally, it is She gave my hand a squeeze, and only as a part of my progress. shook her head. Having some foundation for believing, " He is nothing to me now, Trot, - by this time, that nature and accident less than nothing. But, sooner than had made me an author, I pursued have him punished for his offences (as my vocation with confidence. Without he would be if he prowled about in this such assurance I should certainly have country), I give him more money than I left it alone, and bestowed my energy on canafford, at intervalswhen he reappears, some other endeavor. I should have to go away. I was a fool when I mar- tried to find out what nature and acried him; and I am so far an incurable cident really had made me, and to be fool on that subject, that, for the sake that, and nothing else. of what I once believed him to be, I I had been writing, in the newspaper wouldn't have even this shadow of my and elsewhere, so prosperously, that idle fancy hardly dealt with. For I was when my. new success was achieved, in earnest, Trot, if ever a woman was." I considered myself reasonably entitled My aunt dismissed the matter with a to escape from the dreary debates. One heavy sigh, and smoothed her dress. joyful night, therefore, I noted down the "There, my dear!" she said. music of the parliamentary bagpipes for "Now, you know the beginning, mid- the last time, and I have never heard it dle, and end, and all about it. We since; though I still recognize the old won't mention the subject to one drone in the newspapers, without any another any more; neither, of course, substantial variation (except, perhaps, will you mention it to anybody else. that there is more of it) all the liveThis is my grumpy, frumpy story, and long session. we'11 keep it to ourselves, Trot!" I now write of the time when I had been married, I suppose, about a year and a half. After several varieties of experiment, we had given up the houseCHAPTER XLVIII. keeping as a bad job. The house kept itself, and we kept a page. The prinDOMESTIC. cipal function of this retainer was to quarrel with the cook; in which respect I LABORED hard at my book, without he was a perfect Whittington, without allowing it to interfere with the punctual his cat, or the remotest chance of being discharge of my newspaper duties; and made Lord Mayor. it came out and was very successful. I He appears to me to have lived in a was not stunned by the praise which hail of saucepan-lids. His whole existsounded in my ears, notwithstanding ence was a scuffle. He would shriek 390 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE for help on the most improper occasions, But he was very penitent indeed, and - as when we had a little dinner-party, in a peculiar way-not in the lump, or.a few friends in the evening, - and but by instalments. For example: the would come tumbling out of the kitchen, day after that on which I was obliged with iron missiles flying after him. We to appear against him, he made certain wanted to get rid of him, but he was revelations touching a hamper in the very much attached to us, and would n't cellar, which we believed to be full of go. He was a tearful boy, and broke wine, but which had nothing in it exinto such deplorable lamentations, when cept bottles and corks. We supposed a cessation of our connection was hinted he had now eased his mind, and told at, that we were obliged to keep'him. the worst he knew of the cook; but, a He had no mother-no anything in day or two afterwards, his conscience the way of a relative, that I could dis- sustained a new twinge, and he discover, except a sister, who fled to Amer- closed how she had a little girl, who, ica the moment we had taken him off early every morning, took away our her hands; and he became quartered bread; and also how he himself had on us like a horrible young changeling. been suborned to maintain the milkHe had a lively perception of his own man in coals. In two or three days unfortunate state, and was always rub- more, I was informed by the authorbing his eyes with the sleeve of his ities of his having led to the discovery jacket, or stooping to blow his nose on of sirloins of beef among the kitchenthe extreme corner of a little pocket- stuff, and sheets in the rag-bag. A lithandkerchief, which he never would tie while afterwards, he broke out in an take completely out of his pocket, but entirely new direction, and confessed to always economized and secreted. a knowledge of burglarious intentions This unlucky page, engaged in an as to our premises, on the part of the evil hour at six pounds ten per annum, pot-boy, who was immediately taken was a source of continual trouble to me. up. I got to be so ashamed of being I watched him as he grew- and he such a victim, that I would have given grew like scarlet beans - with painful him any money to hold his tongue, or apprehensions of the time when he would have offered a round bribe for would begin to shave; even of the days his being permitted to run away. It when he would be bald or gray. I saw was an aggravating circumstance in the no prospect of ever getting rid of him; case that he had no idea of this, but and, projecting myself into the future, conceived that he was making me used to think what an inconvenience amends in every new discovery: not to he would be when he was an old man. say, heaping obligations on my head. I never expected anything less, than At last I ran away myself, whenever this unfortunate's manner of getting me I saw an emissary of the police apout of my difficulty. He stole Dora's preaching with some new intelligence; watch, which, like everything else be- and lived a stealthy life until he was longing to us, had no particular place tried and ordered to be transported. of its own; and, converting it into Even then he couldn't be quiet, but money, spent the produce (he was was always writing us letters; and always a weak-minded boy) in inces- wanted so much to see Dora before he santly riding up and down between Lon- went away, that Dora went to visit him, don and Uxbridge outside the coach. and fainted when she found herself inHe was taken to Bow Street, as well side the iron bars. In short, I had no as I remember, on the completion of peace of my life until he was expatrihis fifteenth journey: when four and ated, and made (as I afterwards heard) sixpence, and a second-hand fife which a shepherd of, " up the country" somehe could n't play, were found upon his where; I have no geographical idea person. where. The surprise and its consequences All this led me into some serious rewould have been much less disagreea- flections,- and presented our mistakes in ble to me if he had not been penitent. a newa'pect; as I could not help com OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 391 municating to Dora one evening, in "To whom? " I asked. spite of my tenderness for her. " To the page," sobbed Dora. " 0, " My love," said I, "it is very pain- you cruel fellow, to compare your affecful to ne to think that our want of sys- tionate wife to a transported page! tem and management involves not only Why did n't you tell me your opinion of ourselves (which we have got used to), me before we were married? Why but other people." didn't you say, you hard-hearted thing, "You have been silent for a long that you were convinced I was worse time, and now you are going to be than a transported page? 0, what a cross!" said Dora. dreadful opinion to have of me! 0, my " No, my dear, indeed! Let me ex- goodness!" plain to you what I mean." "Now, Dora, my love," I returned, "I think I don't want to know," gently trying to remove the handkersaid Dora. chief she pressed to her eyes, "this is " But I want you to know, my love. not only very ridiculous of you, but very Put Jip down." wrong. In the first place, it's not true." Dora put his nose to mine, and said "You always said he was a story"Boh!" to drive my seriousness away; teller," sobbed Dora. "And now you but, not succeeding, ordered him into say the same of me! 0, what shall I his Pagoda, and sat looking at me, with do! What shall I do!" her hands folded, and a most resigned "My darling girl," I retorted, "I little expression of countenance. really must entreat you to be reasona"The fact is, my dear," I began, ble, and listen to what I did say, and "there is contagion in us. We infect do say. My dear Dora, unless we learn every one about us." to do our duty to those whom we emI might have gone on in this figura- ploy, they will never learn to do their tive manner, if Dora's face had not ad- duty to us. I am afraid we present opmonished me that she was wondering portunities to people to do wrong, that with all her might whether I was going never ought to be presented. Even if to propose any new kind of vaccination, we were as lax as we are, in all our aror other medical remedy, for this un- rangements, by choice, - which we are wholesome state of ours. Therefore I not, -even if we liked it, and found it checked myself, and made my meaning agreeable to be so, -which we don't, - plainer. I am persuaded we should have no " It is not merely, my pet," said I, right to go on in this way. We are " that we lose money and comfort, and positively corrupting people. We are even temper sometimes, by not learning bound to think of that. I can't help to be more careful; but that we incur thinking of it, Dora. It is a reflection the serious responsibility of spoiling I am unable to dismiss, and it someevery one who comes into our service, times makes me very uneasy. There, or has any dealings with us. I begin dear, that's all. Come now. Don't to be afraid that the fault is not entirely be foolish! on one side, but that these people all Dora would not allow me, for a long turn out ill because we don't turn out time, to remove the handkerchief. She very well ourselves." sat sobbing and murmuring behind it, " O, what an accusation," exclaimed that, if I was uneasy, why had I ever Dora, opening her eyes wide, "to say been married? Why hadn't I said, that you ever saw me take gold watches! even the day before we went to church, Oh!" that I knew I should be uneasy, and I "Mydearest," I remonstrated, "don't would rather not? If I couldn't bear talk preposterous nonsense! Who has her, why didn't I send her away to her made the leastallusiontogoldwatches?" aunts at Putley, or to Julia Mills in "You did," returned Dora. "You India? Julia would be glad to see her, know you did. You said I had n't and would not call her a transported tmrned out well, and compared me to page; Julia never had called her anyhim." thing of the sort. In short, Dora was 392 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE so afflicted, and so afflicted me by be- porcupine or hedgehog, bristling all ing in that condition, that I felt it was over with determination, I had effected of no use repeating this kind of effort, nothing, it began to occur to me that though never so mildly, and I must perhapsDora'smindwas alheadyformed. take some other course. On further consideration this appeared What other course was left to take I so likely, that I abandoned my scheme, To "form her mind I" This was a which had had a more promising apcommon phrase of words which had pearance in words than in action; rea fair and promising sound, and I re- solving henceforth to be satisfied with solved to form Dora's mind. my child-wife, and to try to change her I began immediately. When Dora into nothing else by any process. I was was very childish, and I would have in- heartily tired of being sagacious and finitely preferred to humor her, I tried prudent by myself, and of seeing my to be grave, - and disconcerted her, darling under restraint; so, I bought a and myself too. I talked to her on the pretty pair of ear-rings for her, and a subjects which occupied my thoughts; collar for Jip, and went home one day and I read Shakespeare to her, -and to make myself agreeable. fatigued her to the last degree. I ac- Dora was delighted with the little customed myself to giving her, as it presents, and kissed me joyfully; but were quite casually, little scraps of use- there was a shadow between us, howful information, or sound opinion, -and ever slight, and I had made up my she started from them when I let them mind that it should not be there. If off, as if they had been crackers. No there must be such a shadow anywhere, matter how incidentally or naturally I I would keep it for the future in my own endeavored to form my little wife's breast. mind, I could not help seeing that she I sat down by my wife on the sofa, always had an instinctive perception of and put the ear-rings in her ears; and what I was about, and became a prey then I told her that I feared we had not to the keenest apprehensions. In par- been quite as good company lately as ticular, it was clear to me, that she we used to be, and that the fault was thought Shakespeare a terrible fellow. mine. Which I sincerely felt, and The formation went on very slowly. which indeed it was. I pressed Traddles into the service " The truth is, Dora, my life," I said, without his knowledge; and whenever "I have been trying to be wise." he came to see us, exploded my mines "And to make me wise too," said upon him for the edification of Dora at Dora, timidly. "Haven'tyou, Doady?" second hand. The amount of practical I nodded assent to the pretty inquiry wisdom I bestowed upon Traddles in of the raised eyebrows and kissed the this manner was immense, and of the parted lips. best quality; but it had no other effect " It's of not a bit of use," said Dora, upon Dora than to depress her spirits, shaking her head, until the ear-rings and make her always nervous with the rang again. " You know what a little dread that it would be her turn next. thinig I am, and what I wanted you to I found myself in the condition of a call me from the first. If you can't do schoolmaster, a trap, a pitfall; of al- so, I am afraid you'11 never like me. ways playing spider to Dora's fly, and Are you sure you don't think, somealways pouncing out of my hole to her times, it would have been better to infinite disturbance. have-" Still, looking forward through this "Done what, my dear?" For she intermediate stage, to the time when made no effort to proceed. there should be a perfect sympathy be- " Nothing! " said Dora. tween Dora and me, and when I should " Nothing?" I repeated. have "formed her mind" to my en- She put her arms round my neck, tire satisfaction, I persevered, even for and laughed, and called herself by her months. Findingatlast, however, that, favorite name of a goose, and hid her although I had been all this time a very face on my shoulder in such a profu OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 393 sion of curls that it was quite a task to that was not to be between us any more, clear them away and see it. but was to rest wholly on my own "Don't I think it would have been heart? How did that fall? better to have done nothing, than to The old unhappy feeling pervaded have tried to form my little wife's my life. It was deepened, if it were mind? " said I, laughing at myself changed at all; but it was as undefined " Is that the question? Yes, indeed, I' as ever, and addressed me like a strain do." of sorrowful music faintly heard in the "Is that what you have been trying?" night. I loved my wife dearly, and I cried Dora. "0, what a shocking was happy; but the happiness I had boy!" vaguely anticipated, once, was not the " But I shall never try any more," happiness I enjoyed, and there was alsaid I. " For I love her dearly as she ways something wanting. is." In fulfilment of the compact I have "Without a story- really?" in- made with myself, to reflect my mind quired Dora, creeping closer to me. on this paper, I again examine it, close"Why should I seek to change," ly, and bring its secrets to the light. said I, " what has been so precious to What I missed, I still regarded- I alme for so long I You never can show ways regarded -as something that had better than as your own natural self, my been a dream of my youthful fancy; sweet Dora; and we'11 try no conceit- that was incapable of realization; that ed experiments, but go back to our old I was now discovering to be so, with way, and be happy." some natural pain, as all men did. But "And be happy!" returned Dora. -that it would have been better for me if "Yes! Allday! And vouwon'tmind my wife could have helped me more, things going a tiny morsel wrong, some- and shared the many thoughts in which times? " I had no partner; and that this might " No, no," said I. " We must do the have been; I knew. best we can." Between these two irreconcilable con"And you won't tell me, any more, clusions-the one, that what I felt, was that we make other people bad," coaxed general and unavoidable; the other,'Dora; "will you? Because you know that it was particular to me, and might it's so dreadfully cross." have been different —I balanced curi"No, no," said I. ously, with no distinct sense of their " It's better for me to be stupid than opposition to each other. When I uncomfortable, is n't it?" said Dora. thought of the airy dreams of youth "Better to be naturally Dora than that are incapable of realization, I anything else in the world." thought of the better state preceding "In the world I Ah, Doady, it's a manhood that I had outgrown; and large place!" then the contented days with Agnes, She shook her head, turned her de- in the dear old house, arose before me, lighted bright eyes up to mine, kissed like spectres of the dead, that might me, broke into a merry laugh, and have some renewal in another world, sprang away to put on Jip's new collar. but never, never more could be reaniSo ended my last attempt to make mated here. any change in Dora. I had been un- Sometimes the speculation came inhappy in trying it; I could not endure to my thoughts, What might have hapmy own solitary wisdom; I could not pened, or what would have happened, reconcile it with her former appeal to if Dora and I had never known each me as my child-wife. I resolved to do other? But she was so incorporated what I could, in a quiet way, to improve with my existence, that it was the idlest our proceedings myself; but I foresaw of all fancies, and would soon rise out that my utmost would be very little, or of my reach and sight, like gossamer I must degenerate into the spider again, floating in the air. and be forever lying in wait. I always loved her. What I am deAnd the shadow I have mentioned, scribing, slumbered, and half awoke, 394 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE and slept again, in the innermost re- "When I can run about again,as I cesses of my mind. There was no evi- used to do, aunt," said Dora, " I shall dence of it in me; I know of no influ- make Jip race. He is getting quite ence it had in anything I said or did. slow and lazy." I bore the weight of all our little cares, " I suspect, my dear," said my aunt, and all my projects; Dora held the quietly working by her side, "he has a pens; and we both felt that our shares worse disorder than that. Age, Dora." were adjusted as the case required. " Do you think he is old? " said Dora, She was truly fond of me, and proud of astonished. " 0, how strange it seem. me; and when Agnes wrote a few ear- that Jip should be old " nest words in her letters to Dora, of the " It's a complaint we are all liable pride and interest with which my old to, Little One, as we get on in life,' friends heard of my growing reputation, said my aunt, cheerfully; " I don't fee and read my book as if they heard me more free from it than I used to be, J speaking its contents, Dora read them assure you." out to me with tears of joy in her bright "But Jip," said Dora, looking a eyes, and said I was a dear old clever, him with compassion, " even little Jip famous boy. O poor fellow!" "The first mistaken impulse of an "I dare say he'11 last a long tim( undisciplined heart." These words of yet, Blossom," said my aunt, pattins Mrs. Strong's were constantly recurring Dora on the cheek, as she leaned out o to me, at this time; were almost always her couch to look at Jip, who respondec present to my mind. I awoke with by standing on his hind legs, and balkthem, often, in the night; I remember *ing himself in various asthmatic attempt: to have even read them, in dreams, in- to scramble up by the head and shoul scribed upon the walls of houses. For ders. " He must have a piece of flan I knew, now, that my own heart was nel in his house this winter, and I undisciplined when it first loved Dora; should n't wonder if he came out quits and that if it had been disciplined, it fresh again, with the flowers in th( never could have felt, when we were spring. Bless the little dog!" ex married, what it had felt in its secret claimed my aunt, " if he had as main experience. lives as a cat, and was on the point o " There can be no disparity in mar- losing'em all, he'd bark at me with hi! riage, like unsuitability of mind and last breath, I believe!" purpose." Those words I remembered Dora had helped him up on the sofa too. I had endeavored to adapt Dora where he really was defying my aunt t< to myself, and found it impracticable. such a furious extent, that he could n' It remained for me to adapt myself to keep straight, but barked himself side Dora; to share with her what I could, ways. The'more my aunt looked a and be happy; to bear on my own him, the more he reproached her; fo shoulders what I must, and be happy she had lately taken to spectacles, an< still. This was the discipline to which for some inscrutable reason he consid I tried to bring my heart, when I began ered the glasses personal. to think. It made my second year Dora made him lie down by her, witI much happier than my first; and, what a good deal of persuasion; and whei was better still, made Dora's life all he was quiet, drew one of his long ear: sunshine. through and through her hand, repeat But, as that year wore on, Dora was ing thoughtfully, "Even little Jip,! ( not strong. I had hoped that lighter poor fellow!" hands than mine would help to mould " His lungs are good enough," sai< her character, and that a baby-smile my aunt, gayly, "and his dislikes are upon her breast might change my child- not at all feeble. He has a good man, wife to a woman. It was not to be. years before him, no doubt. But i The spirit fluttered for a moment on the you want a dog to race with, Littl threshold of its little prison, and uncon- Blossom, he has lived too well for that scious of captivity, took wing. and I'11 give you one." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 39$ " Thank you, aunt," said Dora, faint- us, and go on before, and look back on r. "But don't, please!" the landing, breathing short, to see " No?" said my aunt, taking off her that we- were coming. My aunt, the pectacles. best and most cheerful of nurses, would " I could n't have any other dog but trudge after us, a moving mass of shawjs ip," said Dora. " It would be so un- and pillows. Mr. Dick would not have ind to Jip! Besides, I couldn't be relinquished his post of candle-bearer uch friends with any other dog but to any one alive. Traddles would be ip; because he wouldn't have known often at the bottom of the staircase, ie before I was married, and would n't looking on, and taking charge of sporave barked at Doady when he first tive messages from Dora to the dearest ame to our house. I couldn't care for girl in the world. We made quite a ny other dog but Jip, I am afraid, gay procession of it, and my child-wife unt." was the gayest there. "To be sure! " said my aunt, patting But, sometimes, when I took her up er cheek again. "You are right." and felt that she was lighter in my arms, "You are not offended," said Dora. a dead blank feeling came upon me, as Are you?" if I were approaching to some frozen "Why, what a sensitive pet it is " region yet unseen, that numbed my ried my aunt, bending over her affec- life. I avoided the recognition of this onately. "To think that I could be feeling by any name, or by any communffended! " ing with myself; until one night, when "No, no, I didn't really think so," it was very strong upon me, and my!turned Dora; "but I am a little tired, aunt had left her with a parting cry of nd it made me silly for a moment - I "Good night, Little Blossom," I sat m always a silly little thing, you know; down at my desk alone, and cried to ut it made me more silly —to talk think, 0, what a fatal name it was, and bout Jip. He has known me in all how the blossom withered in its bloom mat has happened to me, have n't you, upon the tree! ip? And I couldn't bear to slight im, because he was a little altered — ould I, Jip?" Jip nestled closer to his mistress, and CHAPTER XLIX. izily licked her hand. "You are not so old, Jip, are you, I AM INVOLVED IN MYSTERY. iat you'll leave your mistress yet," aid Dora. "We may keep one an- I RECEIVED one morning by the post ther company, a little longer!" the following letter, dated Canterbury, My pretty Dora! When she came and addressed to me at Doctors' Comown to dinner on the ensuing Sunday, mons; which I read with some surprise. nd was so glad to see old Traddles who always dined with us on Sunday), "MY DEAR SIR:re thought she would be "running " Circumstances beyond my individubout as she used to do," in a few days. al control have, for a considerable lapse lut they said, wait a few days more; of time, effected a severance of that innd then, wait a few days more; and timacy which, in the limited opportunitill she neither ran nor walked. She ties conceded to me in the midst of my )oked very pretty, and was very merry; professional duties, of contemplating the,ut the little feet that used to be so scenes and events of the past, tinged by imble when they danced round Jip, the prismatic hues of memory, has ever rere dull and motionless. afforded me, as it ever must continue to I began to carry her down stairs ev- afford, gratifying emotions of no comry morning, and up stairs every night. mon description. This fact, my dear;he would clasp me round the neck and sir, combined with the distinguished lugh, the while, as if I did it for a wa- elevation to which your talents have;er. Jip vould bark and caper round raised you, deters me from presuming 396 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE to aspire to the liberty of addressing the it is my intention to fly from myself fi companion of my youth by the familiar a short- period, and devote a respite, appellation of Copperfield! It is suffi- eight-and-forty hours to revisiting son cient to know that the name to which I metropolitan scenes of past enjoymen do myself the honor to refer will ever Among other havens of domestic trai be treasured among the muniments of quillity and peace of mind, my feet wi our house (I allude to the archives con- naturally tend towards the King's Bent nected with our former lodgers, pre- Prison. In stating that I shall I served by Mrs. Micawber), with senti- (D. V.) on the outside of the south wa ments of personal esteem amounting to of that place of incarceration on ciN affection. process, the day after to-morrow,' It is not for one situated, through seven in the evening, precisely, my o his original errors and a fortuitous com- ject in this epistolary communication bination of unpropitious events, as is accomplished. the foundered Bark (if he may be al- "I do not feel warranted in soliciti lowed to assume so maritime a denomi- my former friend Mr. Copperfield, nation) who now takes up the pen to my former friend Mr. Thomas Tra address you, - it is not, I repeat, for one dies of the Inner Temple, if that ge, so circumstanced, to adopt the language tleman is still existent and forthcomin of compliment, or of congratulation. to condescend to meet me, and rene That, he leaves to abler and to purer (so far as may be) our past relations hands. the olden time. I confine myself "If your more important avocations throwing out the observation, that, should admit of your ever tracing these the hour and place I have indicate imperfect characters thus far, -which may be found such ruined vestiges: may be, or may not be, as circumstan- yet ces arise,-you will naturally inquire "Remain, by what object am I influenced, then, " Of in inditing the present missive. Allow "A me to say that I fully defer to the req- Fallen Tower, sonable character of that inquiry, and " WILKINS MICAWBER. proceed to develop it; premising that P. S It maybe advisable to supe it is not an object of a pecuniary na- add to the above t statement th ture."Without more directly referg Mrs. Micawber is not in confidenti "Without more directly referring to p any latent ability that may possibly exist possession of my intentions. on my part, of wielding the thunderbolt, I read the letter over several time or directing the devouring and avenging Making due allowance for Mr. Micai flame in any quarter, I may be permit- ber's lofty style of composition, and f ted to observe, in passing, that my the extraordinary relish with which 1 brightest visions are forever dispelled, - sat down and wrote long letters on that my peace is shattered and my possible and impossible occasions, power of enjoyment destroyed, - that still believed that something importa my heart is no longer in the right lay hidden at the bottom of this roun place, - and that I no more walk erect about communication. I put it dow before my fellow-man. The canker to think about it; and took it up agai is in the flower. The cup is bitter to to read it once more; and was still pu the brim. The worm is at his work, suing it, when Traddles found me and will soon dispose of his victim. the height of my perplexity. The sooner the better. But I will not "My dear fellow," said I, "I nev digress. was better pleased to see you. Y( " Placed in a mental position of pecu- come to give me the benefit of your s liar painfulness, beyond the assuaging ber judgment at a most opportune tim reach even of Mrs. Micawber's influ- I have received a very singular lette ence, though exercised in the tripartite Traddles, from Mr. Micawber." character of woman, wife, and mother, "No?" criedTraddles. "Youdor OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 397 Ly so? And I have received one from "I entreat Mr. Traddles to bear with [rs. Micawber! " me in entering into these details. WithWith that, Traddles, who was.flushed out them, Mr. T. would indeed find it ith walking, and whose hair, under the difficult to form the faintest conception )mbined effects of exercise and ex- of my heart-rending situation. tement, stood on end as if he saw a "May I now venture to confide to eerful ghost, produced his letter and Mr. T. the purport of my letter? Will ade an exchange with me. I watched he now allow me to throw myself on his m into the heart of Mr. Micawber's friendly consideration? 0 yes, for I tter, and returned the elevation of eye- know his heart! *ows with which he said, "'Wielding "The quick eye of affection is not e thunderbolt, or directing the de- easily blinded, when of the female sex. uring and avenging flame!' Bless Mr. Micawber is going to London. e, Copperfield!" - and then entered Though he studiously concealed his i the perusal of Mrs. Micawber's hand, this morning before breakfast, distle. in writing the direction-card which he It ran thus:- attached to the little brown valise of happier days, the eagle-glance of matri"My best regards to Mr. Thomas monial anxiety detected d, o, n, distinctcaddles, and if he should still remem- ly traced. The West-End destination r one who formerly had the happiness of the coach is the Golden Cross. Dare being, well acquainted with him, may I fervently implore Mr. T. to see my beg a few moments of his leisure misguided husband, and to reason with ne? I assure Mr. T. T. that I would him? Dare I ask Mr. T. to endeavor,t intrude upon his kindness, were I to step in between Mr. Micawber and any other position than on the con- his agonized family? 0 no, for that res of distraction. would be too much! "Though harrowing to myself to "If Mr. Copperfield should yet rezntion, the alienation of Mr. Micawber member one unknown to fame, will Mr. irmerly so domesticated) from his wife T. take charge of my unalterable re-;d family is the cause of my address- gards and similar entreaties? In any my unhappy appeal to Mr. Trad- case, he will have the benevolence to ss, and soliciting his best indulgence. consider this communication strictly r. T. can form no adequate idea of private, and on no account whatever e change in Mr. Micawber's conduct, to be alluded to, however distantly, in his wildness, of his violence. It has the presence of Mr. Micawber. If Mr. adually augmented, until it assumes T. should ever reply to it (which I cane appearance of aberration of intel- not but feel to be most improbable), a:t. Scarcely a day passes, I assure letter addressed to M. E., Post Office, r. Traddles, on which some paroxysm Canterbury, will be fraught with less es not take place. Mr. T. will not painful consequences than any addressed.uire me to depict my feelings, when immediately to one, who subscribes hernform him that I have become accus- self, in extreme distress, med to hear Mr. Micawber assert "Mr. Thomas Traddles's respectful at he has sold.himself to the D. friend and suppliant, ystery and secrecy have long been "EMMA MICAWBER." principal characteristic, have long placed unlimited confidence. The "What do you think of that letter?" ghtest provocation, even being asked said Traddles, casting his eyes upon there is anything he would prefer for me, when I had read it twice. aner, causes him to express a wish "What do you think of the other?" a separation. Last night on being said I. For he was still reading it with ildishly solicited for twopence, to buy knitted brows. emon-stunners'-a local sweetmeat " I think that the two together, Cophe presented an oyster-knife at the perfield," replied Traddles, "mean more ins. lthan Mr. and Mrs. Micawber usually 398 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE mean in their correspondence, -but I of the old formidable dimensions, rathe don't know what. They are both writ- drooped. ten in good faith, I have no doubt, and "Gentlemen! " said Mr. Micawbe without any collusion. Poor thing!" after the first salutations, "you -a he was now alluding to Mrs. Micawber's friends in need, and friends indeec letter, and we were standing side by Allow me to offer my inquiries with re side comparing the two; "it will be a erence to the physical welfare of Mr charity to write to her, at all events, Copperfield in esse, and Mrs. Traddl and tell her that we will not fail to see in posse, - presuming, that is to sa; Mr. Micawber." that my friend Mr. Traddles is not y; I acceded to this, the more readily, united to the object of his affection because I now reproached myself with for weal and for woe." having treated her former letter rather We acknowledged his politeness, ar lightly. It had set me thinking a good made suitable replies. He then d deal at the time, as I have mentioned rected our attention to the wall, and w; in its place; but my absorption in my beginning " I assure you, gentlemen, own affairs, my experience of the fam- when I ventured to object to that cer ily, and my hearing nothing more, had monious form of address, and to bh gradually ended in my dismissing the that he would speak to us in the o' subject. I had often thought of the way. Micawbers, but chiefly to wonder what "My dear Copperfield," he returne "pecuniary liabilities" they were es- pressing my hand, "your cordiali tablishing in Canterbury, and to recall overpowers me. This reception of how shy Mr. Micawber was of me when shattered fragment of the Temple on, he became clerk to Uriah Heep. called Man -if I may be permitted: However, I now wrote a comforting to express myself-bespeaks a hea letter to Mrs. Micawber, in our joint that is an honor to our common natur names, and we both signed it. As we I was about to observe that I again b walked into town to post it, Traddles hold the serene spot where some of tl and I held a long conference, and happiest hours of my existence fleet( launched into a number of speculations, by." which I need not repeat. We took my "Made so, I am sure, by Mrs. M aunt into our counsels in the afternoon; cawber," said I. "I hope she but our only decided conclusion was, well?" that we would be very punctual in keep- "Thank you," returned Mr. Micai ing Mr. Micawber's appointment, ber, whose face clouded at this refe A-lthough we appeared at the stipulat- ence; "she is but so-so. And this ed place a quarter of an hour before the said Mr. Micawber, nodding his he; time, we found Mr. Micawber already sorrowfully, "is the Bench! Wher there. He was standing with his arms for the first time in many revolvi folded, over against the wall, looking at years, the overwhelming pressure the spikes on the top, with a sentimental pecuniary liabilities was not proclaime expression, as if they were the interla- from day to day, by importunate voic cing boughs of trees that had shaded declining to vacate the passage; whe him in his youth. there was no knocker on the door f When we accosted him, his manner any creditor to appeal to; where pe was something more confused, and sonal service of process was not r something less genteel than of yore. quired, and detainers were mere He had relinquished his legal suit of lodged at the gate! Gentlemen," sa black for the purposes of this excursion, Mr. Micawber, "when the shadow and wore the old surtout and tights, that ironwork on the summit of tl but not quite with the old air. He brick structure has been reflected < gradually picked up more and more of the gravel of the Parade, 1 have see it as we conversed with him; but his my children thread the mazes of the i: very eye-glass seemed to hang less trcate pattern. avoiding the dark mark easily, and his shirt-collar, though still I have been ifaiar with every stoi OF DA VID COPPERFIELP. 99 n the place. If I betray weakness, "Miss Wickfield," said Mr. Miawrou will know how to excuse me." ber, now turning red, "is, as she always "We have all got on in life since is, a pattern, and a bright example. hen, Mr. Micawber," said I. My dear Copperfield, she is the only "Mr. Copperfield," returned Mr. starry spot in a miserable existence. vicawber, bitterly, " when I was an in- My respect for that young lady, my adnate of that retreat I could look my miration of her character, my devotion ellow-man in the face, and punch his to her for her love and truth and goodlead if he offended me. My fellow- ness! - Take me," said Mr. Micawber, nan and myself are no longer on those " down a turning, for, upon my soul, in lorious terms I" my present state of mind I am not Turning from the building in a down- equal to this! " ast manner, Mr. Micawber accepted We wheeled him off into a narrow ny proffered arm on one side, and the street, where he took out his pocketroffered arm of Traddles on the other, handkerchief, and stood with his back nd walked away between us. to a wall. If I looked as gravely at "There are some landmarks," ob- him as Traddles did, he must have erved Mr. Micawber, looking fondly found our company by no means in-,ack over his shoulder, "on the road spiriting. o the tomb, which, but for the impiety "It is my fate," said Mr. Micawber, f the aspiration, a man would wish unfeignedly sobbing, but doing even ever to have passed. Such is the that, with a shadow of the old expreslench in my checkered career." sion of doing something genteel, -" it is ", you are in low spirits, Mr. Mi- my fate, gentlemen, that the finer feelawber," said Traddles. ings of our nature have become re" I am, sir," interposed Mr. Micaw- preaches to me. My homage to Miss er. Wickfield is a flight of arrows in my "I hope," said Traddles, "it is not bosom. You had better leave me, if ecause you have conceived a dislike to you please, to walk the earth as' a vagahe law, - for I am a lawyer myself, you bond. The worm will settle my businow." ness in double-quick time." Mr. Micawber answered not a word. Without attending to this invocation,. "How is our friend Heep, Mr. Mi- we stood by, until he put up his pockawber," said I, after a silence. et-handkerchief, pulled up his shirt-col" My dear Copperfield," returned lar, and, to delude any person in the fr. Micawber, bursting into a state of neighborhood who might have been obiuch excitement, and turning pale, "if serving him, hummed a tune with his ou ask after my employer as your hat very much on one side. I then -end, I am sorry for it; if you ask af- mentioned -not knowing what might tr him as my friend, I sardonically be lost if we lost sight of him yet-that mile at it. In whatever capacity you it would give me great pleasure to introsk after my employer, I beg, without duce him to my aunt, if he would ride ffence to you, to limit my reply to this, out to Highgate, where a bed was at - that whatever his state of health may his service. e, his appearance is foxy: not to say "You shall make us a glass of your iabolical. You will allow me, as a own punch, Mr. Micawber," said I, rivate individual, to decline pursuing "and forgetwhatever you have on your subject which has lashed me to the mind, in pleasanter reminiscences." tmost verge of desperation in my pro- " Or, if confiding anything to friends sssional capacity." will be more likely to relieve you, you I expressed my regret for having in- shall impart it to us, Mr. Micawber," ocently touched upon a theme that said Traddles, prudently. oused him so much. "May I ask," " Gentlemen," returned Mr. Micawaid I, "without any hazard of repeat- ber, "do with me as you will! I am a ng the mistake, how my old friends straw upon the surface of the deep, and eir.,and Miss Wicldield are-?" am tossed in all directions by the ele 400 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE phants, - I beg your pardon; I should "How do you find yourself? " said have said the elements." Mr. Dick, with an anxious look. We walked on, arm-in-arm, again; "Indifferent, my dear sir," returned found the coach in the act of starting; Mr. Micawber, sighing. and arrived at Highgate without en- "You must keep up your spirits," countering any difficulties by the way. said Mr. Dick, "and make yourself as I was very uneasy and very uncertain comfortable as possible." in my mind what to say or do for the Mr. Micawber was quite overcome best, - sowasTraddles, evidently. Mr. by these friendly words, and by finding Micawber was for the most part plunged Mr. Dick's hand again within his own. into deep gloom. He occasionally made "It has been my lot," he observed, an attempt to smarten himself, and hum "to meet, in the diversified panorama the fag-end of a tune; but his relapses of human existence, with an occasional into profound melancholy were only oasis, but never with one so green, sc made the more impressive by the mock- gushing, as the present!" ery of a hat exceedingly on one side, and At another time I should have beer a shirt-collar pulled up to his eyes. amused by this; but I felt that wc We went to my aunt's house rather were all constrained and uneasy, and] than to mine, because of Dora's not be- watched Mr. Micawber so anxiously, ir ingwell. My aunt presented herself on his vacillations between an eviden; being sent for, and welcomed Mr. Mi- disposition to reveal something, and Z cawber with gracious cordiality. Mr. counter-disposition to reveal nothing Micawber kissed her hand, retired to that I was in a perfect fever. Traddles the window, and, pulling out his pocket- sitting on the edge of his chair, witl handkerchief, had a mental wrestle with his eyes wide open, and his hair mor( himself. emphatically erect than ever, stared bN Mr. Dick was at home. He was by turns at the ground and at Mr. Micaw nature s9 exceedingly compassionate of ber, without so much as attempting t( any one who seemed to be ill at ease, put in a word. My aunt, though I saw and was so quick to find any such per- that her shrewdest observation wa, son out, that he shook hands with Mr. concentrated on her new guest, hac Micawber at least half a dozen times in more useful possession of her wits thai five minutes. To Mr. Micawber, in his either of us; for she held him in con trouble, this warmth, on the part of a versation, and made it necessary for hin stranger, was so extremely touching, to talk, whether he liked it or not. that he could only say, on the occasion "You are a very old friend of mn of each successive shake, " My dear sir, nephew's, Mr. Micawber," said m; you overpower me! " Which gratified aunt. " I wish I had had the pleasur; Mr. Dick so much that he went at it of seeing you before." again with greater vigor than before. "Madam," returned Mr. Micawber " The friendliness of this gentleman," "I wish I had had the honor of know said Mr. Micawber to my aunt, "if you ing you at an earlier period. I was no will allow me, ma'am, to cull a figure of always the wreck you at present be speech from the vocabulary of our coars- hold." er national sports -floors me. To a "I hope Mrs. Micawber and you man, who is struggling with a compli- family are well, sir," said my aunt. cated burden of perplexity and disquiet, Mr. Micawber inclined his head such a reception is trying, I assure "They are as well, ma'am," he des you." perately observed, after a pause, "a "My friend Mr. Dick," replied my Aliens and Outcasts can ever hope t aunt, proudly, "is not a common man." be." "That I am convinced of," said Mr. "Lord bless you, sir!" exclaimer Micawber. "My dear sir! "for Mr. my aunt in her abrupt way. "Wha Dick was shaking hands with him are you talking about?" again; "I am deeply sensible of your "The subsistence -of my family cordiality!" ma'am," returned Mr. Micawbei OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 401 "trembles in the balance. My em- quiring an untroubled mind, and selfployer-" respect. I cannot perform it. It is out Here Mr. Micawber provokingly left of the question." off; and began to peel the lemons that "Mr. Micawber," said I, "what is had been under my directions set before the matter? Pray speak out. You are him, together with all the other appli- among friends." ances he used in making punch. "Among friends, sir! " repeated Mr. "Your employer, you know," said Micawber; and all he had reserved Mr. Dick, jogging his arm as a gentle came breaking out of him. "Good reminder. heavens, it is principally because I amz "My good sir," returned Mr. Mi- among friends that my state of mind is cawber, "you recall me. I am obliged what it is. What is the matter, gentleto you." They shook hands again. men? What is not the matter? Vil" My employer, ma'am, - Mr. Heep, - lany is the matter; baseness is the matonce did me the favor to observe to me, ter; deception, fraud, conspiracy, are that, if I were not in the receipt of the the matter; and the name of the whole.stipendiary emoluments appertaining to atrocious mass is- HEEP! " my engagement with him, I should My aunt clapped her hands, and probably be a mountebank about the we all started up as if we were poscountry swallowing a sword-blade, and sessed. eating the devouring element. For "The struggle is over!" said Mr. anything that I can perceive to the con- Micawber, violently gesticulating with trary, it is still probable that my chil- his pocket-handkerchief, and fairly strikdren may be reduced to seek a liveli- ing out from time to tine with both hood by personal contortion, while Mrs. arms, as if he were swimming under Micawber abets their unnatural feats superhuman difficulties. "I will lead by playing the barrel-organ." this life no longer. I am a wretched Mr. Micawber, with a random but being, cut off from everything that expressive flourish of his knife, signi- makes life tolerable. I have been unfied that these performances might be der a Taboo in that infernal scoundrel's expected to take place after he was no service. Give me back my wife, give more; then resumed his peeling with a me back my family, substitute Micawdesperate air. ber for the petty wretch who walks My aunt leaned her elbow on the about in the boots at present on my little round table that she usually kept feet, and call upon me to swallow a beside her, and eyed him attentively. sword to-morrow, and I'll do it. With Notwithstanding the aversion with an appetite!" which I regarded the idea of entrapping I never saw a man so hot in my life. him into any disclosure he was not I tried to calm him, that we might come prepared to make voluntarily, I should to something rational; but he got hothave taken him up at this point, but for ter and hotter, and would n't hear a the strange proceedings in which I saw word. him engaged; whereof his putting the " I'11 put my hand in no man's lemon-peel into the kettle, the sugar hand," said Mr. Micawber, gasping, into the snuffer-tray, the spirit into the puffing, and sobbing, to that degree empty jug, and confidently attempting that he was like a man fighting with to pour boiling water out of a candle- cold water, "until I have-blown to stick, were among the most remarkable. fragments - the - a - detestable - serI saw that a crisis was at hand, and pent-HEEP! I'11 partake of no one's it came. He clattered all his means hospitality, until I have-a-moved and implements together, rose from his Mount Vesuvius -to eruption -onchair, pulled out his pocket-handker- a - the abandoned rascal - HEEP! chief, and burst into tears. Refreshment-a - underneath this roof "My dear Copperfield," said Mr. - particularly punch - would - a - Micawber, behind his handkerchief, choke me - unless - I had - previous"this is an occupation, of all others, re- ly - choked the eyes - out of the head 26 402 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE - a - of- interminable cheat, and liar his own. But even then his passion -HEEP! I-a —I'11 know nobody for writing letters was too strong to - and - a - say nothing - and - a - be resisted; for while we were yet in live nowhere - until I have crushed - the height of our excitement, hope, and to-a-undiscoverable atoms -the- wonder, the following pastoral note transcendent and immortal hypocrite was brought to me from a neighboring and perjurer — HEEP! " tavern, at which he had called to write I really had some fear of Mr. Micaw- it: - ber's dying on the spot. The manner t s t ad in which he struggled through these in- Most secret and confidential. articulate sentences, and, whenever he "MY DEAR SIR:found himself getting near the name of "I beg to be allowed to convey, Heep, fought his way on to it, dashed through you, my apologies to your exat it in a fainting state, and brought it cellent aunt for my late excitement. An out with a vehemence little less than explosion of a smouldering volcano long marvellous, was frightful; but now, suppressed, was the result of an internal when he sank into a chair, steaming, contest more easily conceived than deand looked at us, with every possible scribed. color in his face that had no business "I trust I rendered tolerably intellithere, and an endless procession of gible my appointment for the morning lumps following one anotherin hot haste of this day week, at the house of pubup his throat, whence they seemed to lic entertainment at Canterbury, where shoot, into his forehead, he had the ap- Mrs. Micawber and myself had once pearance of being in the last extremity. the honor of uniting our voices to yours, I would have gone to his assistance, in the well-known strain of the Immorbut he waived me off, and wouldn't tal exciseman nurtured beyond the hear a word. Tweed. " No, Copperfield! -No communi- "The duty done, and act of reparacation - a - until - Miss Wickfield - tion performed, which can alone enable a - redress from wrongs inflicted by me to contemplate my fellow-mortal, I consummate scoundrel- HEEP! " (I shall be known no more. I shall simply am quite convinced he could not have require to be deposited in that place of uttered three words, but for the amazing universal resort, where energy with which this word inspired him when he felt it coming.) " Invio- Each in his narrow cell forever laid, la hen he felt it -from thinhole "orIn - The rude forefathers of the hamlet sleep,' lable secret - a - from the whole world - a - no exceptions - this day week - -with the plain inscription, a- at breakfast time - a - everybody "WILKINS MICAWBER." present-including aunt -a-and extremely friendly gentleman-to be at the hotel at Canterbury- a- where - Mrs. Micawber and myself- Auld CHAPTER L. Lang Syne in chorus- and-a-will expose intolerable ruffian - HEEP! MR. PEGGOTTY'S DREAM COMES TRUE. No more to say - a - or listen to persuasion -go immediately- not capa- BY this time, some months had passed ble - a - bear society - upon the track since our interview on the bank of the of devoted and doomed traitor - river with Martha. J had never seen HEEP!" her since, but she had communicated With this last repetition of the magic with Mr. Peggotty on several occasions. word that had kept him going at all, Nothing had come of her zealous interand in which he surpassed all his pre- vention; nor could I infer, from whal vious efforts, Mr. Micawber rushed out he told me, that any clew had ever been of the house; leaving us in a state of obtained, for a moment, to Emily's fate. excitement, hope, and wonder, that re- I confess that I began to despair of hei duced us to a condition little better than recovery, and gradually to sink deepel OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 403 and deeper into the belief that she was One evening, at this hour, he told me dead. that he had found Martha waiting near His conviction remained unchanged. his lodging on the preceding night when So far as I know,- and I believe his he came out, and that she had asked honest heart was transparent to me, - him not to leave London on any account, he never wavered again, in his solemn until he should have seen her again. certainty of finding her. His patience " Did she tell you why?" I inquired. never tired. And, although I trembled " I asked her, Mas'r Davy," he refor the agony it might one day be to plied, "but it is but few words as she him to have his strong assurance ever says, and she on'y got my promise shivered at a blow, there was something and so went away." so religious in it, so affectingly expres- Did she say when you might expect sive of its anchor being in the purest to see her again? " I demanded. depths of his fine nature, that the re- "No, Mas'r Davy," he returned, spect and honor in which I held him drawing his hand thoughtfully down his were exalted every day. face. " I asked that too; but it was His was not a lazy trustfulness that more (she said) than she could tell." hoped, and did no more. He had been As I had long forborne to encourage a man of sturdy action all his life, and him with hopes that hung on threads, he knew that in all things wherein he I made no other comment on this inforwanted help he must do his own part mation than that I supposed he would faithfully, and help himself. I have see her soon. Such speculations as it known him set out in the night, on a engendered within me I kept to myself, misgiving that the light might not be, and those were faint enough. by some accident, in the window of the I was walking alone in the garden, old boat, and walk to Yarmouth. I have one evening, about a fortnight afterknown him, on reading something in wards. I remember that evening well. the newspaper, that might apply to her, It was the second in Mr. Micawber's take up his stick, and go forth on a week of suspense. There had been journey of three or four score miles. rain all day, and there was a damp He made his way by sea to Naples, and feeling in the air. The leaves were back; after hearing the narrative to thick upon the trees, and heavy with which Miss Dartle had assisted me. wet; but the rain had ceased, though All his journeys were ruggedly per- the sky was still dark; and the hopeful formed; for he was always steadfast in birds were singing cheerfully. As I a purpose of saving money for Emily's walked to and fro in the garden, and sake, when she should be found. In the twilight began to close around me, all this long pursuit, I never heard him their little voices were hushed; and repine; I never heard him say he was that peculiar silence which belongs to fatigued, or out of heart. such an evening in the country when Dora had often seen him since our the lightest trees are quite still, save marriage, and was quite fond of him. I for the occasional droppings from their fancy his figure before me now, stand- boughs; prevailed. ing near her sofa, with his rough cap in There was a little green perspective his hand, and the blue eyes of my child- of trellis-work and ivy at the side of our wife raised, with a timid wonder, to his cottage, through which I could see, from face. Sometimes of an evening, about the garden where I was walking, into twilight, when he came to talk with me, the road before the house. I happened I would induce him to smoke his pipe to turn my eyes towards this place, as I in the garden, as we slowly paced to and was thinking of many things; atd I saw fro together; and then, the picture of a figure beyond, dressed in a plain cloak. his deserted home, and the comfortable It was bending eagerly towards me, and air it used to have in my childish eyes beckoning. of an evening when the fire was burning, " Martha!" said I, going to it. and the wind moaning round it, came "Can you come with me?" she inmost vividly into my mind. quired, in an agitated whisper. "I 404 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE have been to him, and he is not at we went up, doors of rooms were opened home. I wrote down where he was to and people's heads put out; and we come, and left it on his table with my passed other people on the stairs, who own hand. They said he would not were coming down. In glancing up be out long. I have tidings for him. from the outside, before we entered, I Can you come directly?" had seen women and children lolling My answer was to pass out at the gate at the windows over flower-pots; and immediately. She made a hasty gesture we seemed to have attracted their cuwith her hand, as if to entreat my riosity, for these were principally the patience and my silence, and turned observers who looked out of their doors. towards London, whence, as her dress It was a broad panelled staircase, with betokened, she had come expeditiously massive balustrades of some dark wood; on foot. cornices above the doors, ornamented I asked her if that were not our desti- with carved fruit and flowers; and broad nation? On her motioning Yes, with the seats in the windows. But all these tosame hasty gesture as before, I stopped kens of past grandeur were miserably an empty coach that was coming by, decayed and dirty; rot, damp, and age End we got into it. When I asked her had weakened the flooring, which in where the coachman was to drive, she many places was unsound and even answered, "Anywhere near Golden unsafe. Some attempts had been made, Square! And quick! " - then shrunk I noticed, to infuse new blood into this into a corner, with one trembling hand dwindling frame, by repairing the costly before her face, and the other making old wood-work here and there with comthe former gesture, as if she could not mon deal; but it was like the marriage bear a voice. of a reduced old noble to a plebeian Now much disturbed, and dazzled pauper, and each party to the ill-aswith conflicting gleams of hope and sorted union shrunk away from the othdread, I looked at her for some expla- er. Several of the back windows on the nation. But, seeing how strongly she staircase had been darkened or wholly desired to remain quiet, and feeling blocked up. In those that remained, that it was my own natural inclination there was scarcely any glass: and, too, at such a time, I did not attempt through the crumbling frames by which to break the silence. We proceeded the bad air seemed always to come in without a word being spoken. Some- and never to go out, I saw, through othtimes she glanced out of the window, er glassless windows, into other houses as though she thought we were going in a similar condition, and looked giddislowly, though indeed we were going ly down into a wretched yard, which was fast; but otherwise remained exactly the common dust-heap of the mansion. as at first. We proceeded to the top-story of the We alighted at one of the entrances to house. Two or three times, by the way, the Square she had mentioned, where I I thought I observed in the indistinct directed the coach to wait, not knowing light the skirts of a female figure going but that we might have some occasion up before us. As we turned to ascend for it. She laid her hand on my arm, the last flight of stairs between us and and hurried nie on to one of the sombre the roof, we caught a full view of this streets, of which there are several in that figure pausing for a moment at a door. part, where the houses were once fair Then it turned the handle, and went in. dwellings in the occupation of single "What's this! " said Martha, in a families, but have, and had, long de- whisper. " She has gone into my room. generated into poor lodgings let off in I don't know her!" rooms. Entering at the open door of I knew her. I had recognized her one of these, and releasing my arm, with amazement, for Miss Dartle. she beckoned me to follow her up the I said something to the effect that it common staircase, which was like a was a lady whom I had seen before, in a tributary channel to the street. few words, to my conductress; and bad The house swarmed with inmates. As scarcely done so when we heard her OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 405 voice in the room, though not, from girl, on whom she heaped these taunts, where we stood, what she was saying. ran towards the door, and the speaker Martha, with an astonished look, re- swiftly interposed herself before it. It peated her former action, and softly was succeeded by a moment's pause. led me up the stairs; and then, by a When Miss Dartle spoke again, it little back door which seemed to have was through her set teeth, and with a no lock, and which she pitshed open stamp upon the ground. with a touch, into a small empty garret "Stay there! " she said, "or I'11 with a low sloping roof; little better proclaim you to the house, and the than a cupboard. Between this, and whole street! If you try to evade me, the room she had called hers, there I'11 stop you, if it's by the hair, and was a small door of communication, raise the very stones against you!" standing partly open. Here we stopped, A frightened murmur was the only breathless with our ascent, and she reply that reached my ears. A silence placed her hand lightly on my lips. I succeeded. I did not know what to do. could only see, of the room beyond, Much as I desired to put an end to the that it was pretty large; that there interview, I felt that I had no right to was a bed in it; and that there were present myself; that it was for Mr. Pegsome common pictures of ships upon gotty alone to see her and recover her. the walls. I could not see Miss Dar- Would he never come? I thought, impatie, or the person whom we had heard tiently. her address. Certainly, my companion "So!" said Rosa Dartle, with a concould not, for my position was the best. temptuous laugh, "I see her at last! A dead silence prevailed for some Why, he was a poor creature to be taken moments. Martha kept one hand on by that delicate mock-modesty, and that my lips, and raised the other in a listen- hanging head!" ing attitude. "0, for Heaven's sake spare me I" "It matters little to me her not being exclaimed Emily. "Whoever you are, at home," said Rosa Dartle, haughtily, you know my pitiable story, and for " I know nothing of her. It is you I Heaven's sake spare me, if you would come to see." be spared yourself!" " Me?" replied a soft voice. " If I would be spared!" returned At the sound of it a thrill went the other, fiercely; "what is there in through my frame. For it was Emily's! common between us, do you think?" "Yes," returned Miss Dartle, "I "Nothing but our sex," said Emily, have come to look at you. What? You with a burst of tears. are not ashamed of the face that has "And that," said Rosa Dartle, "is so done so much? " strong a claim, preferred by one so infaThe resolute and unrelenting hatred mous, that if I had any feeling in my of her tone, its cold stern sharpness, breast but scorn and abhorrence of you, and its mastered rage, presented her it would freeze it up. Our sex! You before me, as if I had seen her standing are an honor to our sex!" in the light. I saw the flashing black "I have deserved this," cried Emily, eyes, and the passion-wasted figure; "but it's dreadful! Dear, dear lady, and I saw the scar with its white track think what I have suffered, and how I cutting through her lips, quivering and am fallen! 0 Martha, come back I throbbing as she spoke. O home, home! " "I have come to see," she said, Miss Dartle placed herself in a chair, "James Steerforth's fancy; the girl within view of the door, and looked who ran away with him, and is the town- downward, as if Emily were crouching talk of the commonest people of her on the floor before her. Being now benative place; the bold, flaunting, prac- tween me and the light, I could see her tised companion of persons like James curled lip, and her cruel eyes intently Steerforth. I want to know what such fixed on one place, with a greedy triumph. a thing is like." " Listen to what I say! " she said,'There was a rustle, as if the unhappy "and reserve your false arts for your 406 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE dupes. Do you hope to move me by pay for, and handsomely? Your homne! your tears? No more than you could You were a part of the trade of your charm me by your smiles, you purchased home, and were bought and sold like slave." any other vendible thing your people " 0, have some mercy on me!" dealt in." cried Emily. "Show me some compas- "0, not that I " cried Emily. " Say sion, or I shall die mad! " anything Qf me; but don't visit my dis" It would be no great penance," said grace and shame, more than I have Rosa Dartle, "for your crimes. Do done, on folks who are as honorable as you know what you have done? Do you I Have some respect for them, as you ever think of the home you have you are a lady, if you have no mercy for laid waste?" me." " 0, is there ever night or day, when "I speak," she said, not deigning to I don't think of it! " cried Emily; and take any heed of this appeal, and drawnow-I could just see her, on her knees, ing away her dress from the contaminawith her head thrown back, her pale tion of Emily's touch,' I speak of his face looking upward, her hands wildly home, -where I live. Here," she said, clasped and held out, and her hair stretching out her hand with her constreaming about her. "Hasthere ever temptuous laugh, and looking down been a single minute, waking or sleep- upon the prostrate girl, "is a worthy ing, when it hasn't been before me, cause of division between lady-mother just as it used to be in the lost days and gentleman-son; of grief in a house when I turned my back upon it forever where she would n't have been admitand forever! 0 home, home! 0 dear, ted as a kitchen-girl; of anger, and dear uncle, if you ever could have repining, and reproach. This piece of known the agony your love would cause pollution, picked up from the waterme when I fell away from good, you side, to be made much of for an hour, never would have shown it to me and then tossed back to her original so constant, much as you felt it: but place!" would have been angry to me, at least "No! no!" cried Emily, clasping once in my life, that I might have had her hands together. "When he first some comfort! I have none, none, no came into my way —that the day had comfort upon earth, for all of them were never dawned upon me, and he had always fond of me! " She dropped on met me being carried to my grave!her face, before the imperious figure in I had been brought up as virtuous as the chair, with an imploring effort to you or any lady, and was going to be clasp the skirt of her dress. the wife of as good a man as you or any Rosa Dartle sat looking down upon lady in the world can ever marry. Ii her, as inflexible as a figure of brass. you live in his home and know him, you Her lips were tightly compressed, as if know, perhaps, what his power with a she knew that she must keep a strong weak, vain girl might be. I don't deconstraint upon herself- I write what fend myself, but I know well, and he I sincerely believe —or she would be knows well, or he will know when he tempted to strike the beautiful form comes to die, and his mind is troubled with her foot. I saw her, distinctly, and with it, that he used all his power tc the whole power of her face and charac- deceive me, and that I believed him, ter seemed forced into that expression. trusted him, and loved him! " Would he never come? Rosa Dartle sprang up from her seat; " The miserable vanity of these earth- recoiled; and in recoiling struck at her. worms! " she said, when she had so far with a face of such malignity, so darkcontrolled the angry heavings of her ened and disfigured by'passion, that 1 breast, that she could trust herself to had almost thrown myself betweer speak. "Your home! Do you im- them. The blow, which had no aim, agine that I bestow a thought on it, fell upon the air. As she now stood or suppose you could do any harm to panting, looking at her with the utmosi that low place, which money would not detestation that she was capable o OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 407 expressing, and trembling from head to fairy spirit? What I say, I mean to foot with rage and scorn, I thought I do!" had never seen such a sight, and never. Her rage got the better of her again, could see such another. for a moment; but it passed over her " You love him? You?" she cried, face like a spasm, and left her smiling. with her clenched hand, quivering as if "Hide yourself," she pursued, "if it only wanted a weapon to stab the not at home, somewhere. Let it be object of her wrath. somewhere beyond reach; in some obEmily had shrunk out of my view. scure life, - or, better still, in some obThere was no reply. scure death. I wonder, if your loving "And tell that to me," she added, heart will not break, you have found no "with your shameful lips? Why don't way of helping it to be still! I have they whip these creatures! If I could heard of such means sometimes. I beorder it to be done, I would have this lieve they may be easily found." girl whipped to death." A low crying on the part of Emily And so she would, I have no doubt. interrupted her here. She stopped, I would not have trusted her with and listened to it as if it were music. the rack itself, while that furious look "I am of a strange nature, perhaps," lasted. Rosa Dartle went on; "but I can't She slowly, very slowly, broke into a breathe freely in the air you breathe. laugh, and pointed at Emily with her I find it sickly. Therefore, I will have hand, as if she were a sight of shame for it cleared; I will have it purified of you. gods and men. If you live here to-morrow, I'11 have "She love!" she said. "That car- your story and your character prorion! And he ever cared for her, she'd claimed on the common stair. There tell me? Ha, ha! The liars that these are decent women in the house, I am traders are!" told; and it is a pity such a light as you Her mockery was worse than her should be among them, and concealed. undisguised rage. Of the two, I would If, leaving here, you seek any refuge in have much preferred to be the object this town in any character but your true of the latter. But, when she suffered one (which you are welcome to bear, it to break loose, it was only for a mo- without molestation from me); the ment. She had chained it up again, same service shall be done you, if I and however it might tear her within, hear of your retreat. Being assisted by she subdued it to herself a gentleman who not long ago aspired " I came here, you pure fountain of to the favor of your hand, I am sanlove," she said, "to see- as I began guine as to that." by telling you -what such a thing as Would he never, never come? How you was like. I was curious. I am long was I to bear this? How long satisfied. Also to tell you, that you had could I bear it? best seek that home of yours, with all. "O me! O me!" exclaimed the speed, and hide your head among those wretched Emily, in a tone that might excellent people who are expecting you, have touched the hardest heart, I and whom your money will console. should have thought; but there was When it's all gone, you can believe, no relenting in Rosa Dartle's smile. and trust, and love again, you know I "What, what shall I do?" I thought you a broken toy that had "Do?" returned the other. "Live lasted its time; aworthless spangle that happy in your own reflections! Consewas tarnished, and thrown away. But, crate your existence to the recollection finding you'true gold, a very lady, and of James Steerforth's tenderness-he an ill-used innocent, with a fresh heart would have made you his serving-man's full of love and trustfulness-which wife, would he not?-or to feeling you look like,-and is quite consistent grateful to the upright and deserving with your story! —I have something creature who would have taken you as more to say. Attend to it; for what I his gift. Or, if those proud rememsay, I'11 do. Do you hear me, you brances, and the consciousness of your 408 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE own virtues, and the honorable position in my garden with my aunt (who took to which they have raised you in the little other exercise now, being so much eyes of everything that wears the human in attendance on my dear Dora), I was shape, will not sustain you, marry that told that Mr. Peggotty desired to speak good man, and be happy in his conde- with me. He came into the garden to scension. If this will not do either, meet me half-way, on my going towards die! There are doorways and dust- the gate; and bared his head as it was heaps for such deaths, and such despair always his custom to do when he saw my -find one, and take your flight to aunt, for whom he had a high respect. Heaven! " I had been telling her all that had hapI heard a distant foot upon the stairs. pened over night. Without saying a I knew it, I was certain. It was his, word, she walked up with a cordial face, thank God! shook hands with him, and patted him She moved slowly from before the on the arm. It was so expressively door when she said this, and passed out done, that she had no need to say a of my sight. word. Mr. Peggotty understood her " But mark! " she added, slowly and quite as well as if she had said a thousternly, opening the other door to go sand. away, " I am resolved, for reasons that " I'11 go in now, Trot," said my aunt, I have and hatreds that I entertain, to "and look after Little Blossom, who will cast you out, unless you withdraw from be getting up presently." my reach altogether, or drop your pretty "Not along of my being heer, ma'am, mask. This is what I had to say; and I hope? "said Mr. Peggotty. "Unless what I say, I mean to do! " my wits is gone a bahd's neezing "The foot upon the stairs came nearer by which Mr. Peggotty meant to say -nearer-passed her as she went bird'snesting-" this morning,'tis along down- rushed into the room! of me as you're a going to quit us r " "Uncle!" "You have something to say, my A fearful cry followed the word. I good friend," returned my aunt, "and paused a moment, and looking in, saw will do better without me." him supporting her insensible figure in "By your leave, ma'am," returned his arms. He gazed for a few seconds Mr. Peggotty, "I should take it kind in the face; then stooped to kiss it — pervising you doen't mind my clicket0, how tenderly!-and drew a hand- ten, if you'd bide heer." kerchief before it. "Would you?" said my aunt, with "Mas'r Davy," he said, in a low short good-nature. "Then I am sure I tremulous voice, when it was covered, will!" "I thank my Heav'nly Father as my So, she drew her arm through Mr. dream's come true! I thank Him Peggotty's, and walked with him to a hearty for having guided of me, in His leafy little summer-house.there was at own ways, to my darling! " the bottom of the garden, where she sat With those words he took her up in down at a bench, and I beside her. his arms; and, with the veiled face lying There was a seat for Mr. Peggotty too, on his bosom, and addressed towards but he preferred to stand, leaning his his own, carried her, motionless and un- hand on the small rustic table. As he conscious, down the stairs. stood looking at his cap for a little while before beginning to speak, I could not help observing what power and force of character his sinewy hand expressed, CHAPTER LI. and what a good and trusty companion it was to his honest brow and iron-gray THE BEGINNING OF A LONGER hair. JOURNEY. "I took my dear child away last night," Mr. Peggotty began, as he IT was yet early in the morning of the raised his eyes to ours, " to my lodging, following day, when, as I was walking wheer I have a long tine been expect OF DA rID COPPERFIELD. ing-of her and preparing fur her. It what was it as had gone so much was hours afore she knowed me right; amiss?" and when she did, she kneeled down at He saw everything he related. It my feet, and kiender said to me, as if it passed before him, as he spoke, so vivwas her prayers, how it all come to be. idly, that, in the intensity of his earnestYou may believe me, when I heerd ness he presented what he described to her voice, as I had heerd at home so me with greater distinctness than I can playful - and see her humbled, as it express. I can hardly believe, writing might be, in the dust our Saviour wrote now long afterwards, but that I was in with his blessed hand - I felt a actually present in these scenes; they wownd go to my'art, in the midst of all are impressed upon me with such an asits thankfulness." tonishing air of fidelity. He drew his sleeve across his face, "As Em'ly's eyes -which was heavy without any pretence of concealing why; - see this woman better," Mr. Peggotand then cleared his voice. ty went on, " she know'd as she was " It warn't for long as I felt that; for one of them as she had often talked to she was found. I had on'y to think as on the beach. Fur, though she had she was found, and it was gone. I run (as I have said) ever so fur in the doen't know why I do so much as men- night, she had oftentimes wandered tion of it now, I'm sure. I did n't have long ways, partly afoot, partly in boats it in my mind a minute ago, to say a and carriages, and know'd all that counword about myself; but it come up so try,'long the coast, miles and miles. nat'ral, that I yielded to it afore I was She had n't no children of her own, this aweer.' woman, being a young wife; but she "You are a self-denying soul," said was a looking to have one afore long. my aunt, "and will have your reward." And may my prayers go up to Heaven Mr. Peggotty, with the shadows of that'twill be a happ'ness to her, and a the leaves playing athwart his face, comfort, and a honor, all her life! May made a surprised inclination of the head it love her and be dootiful to her, in her towards my aunt, as an acknowledg- old age; helpful of her at the last; a ment of her good opinion; then, took Angel to her heer, and heerafter!" up the thread he had relinquished. "Amen!" said my aunt. "When my Em'ly took flight," he "'She had been summat timorous and said in stern wrath for the moment, down," said Mr. Peggotty, "and had sat, "from the house wheer she was made a at first, a little way off, at her spinning, pris'ner by that theer spotted snake as or such work as it was, when Em'ly Mas'r Davy see, -and his story's trew, talked to the children. But Em'ly and rhay GOD confound him! - she took had took notice of her, and had gone and flight in the night. It was a dark night, spoke to her; and as the young woman with a many stars a shining. She was was partial to the children herself,- they wild. She ran along the sea beach, had soon made friends. Sermuchser, believing the old boat was theer; and that when Em'ly went that way, she alcalling out to us to turn away our faces, ways giv Em'ly flowers. This was her for she was a coming by. She heerd as now asked what it was that had gone herself a crying out, like as if it was so much amiss. Em'ly told her, and another person; and cut herself on them she - took her home. She did indeed. sharp-pinted stones and rocks, and felt She took her home," said Mr. Peggotit no more than if she had been rock ty, covering his face. herself Ever so fur she run, and there He was more affected by this act of was fire afore her eyes and roarings in kindness, than I had ever seen him afher ears. Of a sudden —or so she fected by anything since the night she thowt, you unnerstand - the day broke, went away. My aunt and I did not atwet and windy, and she was lying tempt to disturb him. b'low a heap of stone upon the shore, " It was a little cottage, you may supand a woman was a speaking to her, pose," he said, presently, "but she aying, inmhe language of that country, found space for Em'ly in it, -her hus 4io PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE band was away at sea, - and she kep it warn't round that next pint in the bay secret, and prevailed upon such neigh- no more, but was fur off; and know'd bors as she had (they was not many where she was, and why; and broke near) to keep it secret too. Em'ly was out a crying on that good young wotook bad with fever, and what is very man's bosom, wheer I hope her baby is strange to me is, - maybe't is not so a lying now, a cheering of her with its strange to scholars, - the language of pretty eyes! " that country went out of her head, and He could not speak of this good friend she could only speak her own, that no of Emily's without a flow of tears. It one unnerstood. She recollects, as if was in vain to try. He broke down she had dreamed it that, she lay there, again, endeavoring to bless her. always a talking her own tongue, always "That done mv Em'ly good," he rebelieving as the old boat was round the sumed, after such emotion as I could next pint in the bay, and begging and not behold without sharin in; and imploring of'em to send theer and tell as to my aunt, she wept with all her how she was dying, and bring back a heart; " that done Em'ly good, and she message of forgiveness, if it was on'y a begun to mend. But the language of wured. A'most the whole time, she that country was quite gone from her, thowt, - now, that him as I made men- and she was forced to make signs. So tion on just now was lurking for her un- she went on, getting better from day nerneath the winder: now that him as to day, slow, but sure, and trying to had brought her to this was in the learn the names of common thingsroom, -and cried to the good young names as she seemed never to have woman not to give her up, and know'd heerd in all her life - till one evening at the same time, that she could n't un- come, when she was a setting at her nerstand, and dreaded that she must be window, looking at a little girl at play took away. Likewise the fire was afore upon the beach. And of a sudden this her eyes, and the roarings in her ears; child held out her hand, and said, what and there was no to-day, nor yesterday, would be in English,'Fisherman's nor yet to-morrow; but everything in daughter, here's a shell!'- for you her life as ever had been, or as ever are to unnerstand that they used at first could be, and everything as never had to call her'Pretty lady,' as the general been, and as never could be, was a way in that country is, and that she had crowding on her all at once, and noth- taught'em to call her'Fisherman's ing clear nor welcome, and yet she sang daughter' instead. The child says of a and laughed about it! How long this sudden,' Fisherman's daughter, here's lasted, I doen't know; but then there a shell!' ThenEm'lyunnerstandsher; come a sleep; and in that sleep, from and she answers, bursting out a crying; being a many times stronger than her and it all comes back! own self, she fell into the weakness of "When Em'ly got strong again," said the littlest child." Mr. Peggotty, after anothershortinterval Here he stopped, as if for relief from of silence, "she cast about to leave that the terrors of his own description. Af- good young creetur, and get to her own ter being silent for a few moments, he country. The husband wascomehome, pursued his story. then; and the two together put her "It was a pleasant arternoon when aboard a small trader bound to Leghorn, she awoke; and so quiet, that there and from that to France. She had a war n't a sound but the rippling of that little money, but it was less than little blue sea without a tide, upon the shore. as they would take for all they done. It was her belief, at first, that she was I'm a'most glad on it, though they was at home upon a Sunday morning; but, so poor! What they done, is laid up the vine leaves as she see at the winder, wheer neither moth nor rust doth corand the hills beyond, warn't home, and rupt, and wheer thieves do not break contradicted of her. Then, come in her through nor steal. Mas'r Davy, it'll friend, to watch alongside of her bed; outlast all the treasure in the wureld. and then she know'd as the old boat "Em'ly got to France, and took ser OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 41t vice to wait on travelling ladies at a inn all I She come, white and hurried, in the port. Theer, theer come, one upon Em'ly in her sleep. She says to day, that snake. - Let him never come her,' Rise up from worse than death, nigh me. I doen't know what hurt I and come with me I' Them belonging might do him! - Soon as she see him, to the house would have stopped her, without him seeing her, all her fear and but they might as soon have stopped the wildness returned upon her, and she sea.'Stand away from me,' she says, fled afore the very breath he draw'd.'I am a ghost that calls her from beShe come to England, and was set side her open grave!' She told Em'ly ashore at Dover. she had seen me, and know'd I loved " I doen't know," said Mr. Peggotty, her and forgiv' her. She wrapped her, "for sure, when her'art begun to fail hasty, in her clothes. She took her, her; but all the way to England she had faint and trembling, on her arm. She thowt to come to her dear home. Soon heeded no more what they said, than if as she got to England she turned her she had had no ears. She walked face tow'rds it. But, fear of not being among'em with my child, minding only forgive, fear of being pinted at, fear of her; and brought her safe out, in the some of us being dead along of her, dead of the night, from that black pit of fear of many things, turned her from it, ruin! kiender by force, upon the road:' Un- " She attended on Em'ly," said Mr. cle, uncle,' she says to me,'the fear of Peggotty, who had released my hand, not being worthy to do, what my torn and put his own hand on his heaving and bleeding breast so longed to do, chest, - "she attended to my Em'ly, was the most fright'ning fear of all! I lying wearied out, and wandering beturned back, when my'art was full of twixt whiles, till late next day. Then prayers that I might crawl to the old she went in search of me; then in doorstep, in the night, kiss it, lay my search of you, Mas'r Davy. She didn't wicked face upon it, and theer be found tell Em'ly what she come out fur, lest dead in the morning.' her'art should fail, and she should "She come," said Mr. Peggotty, think of hiding of herself. How the dropping his voice to an awe-stricken cruel lady know'd of her being theer, I whisper, "to London. She - as had can't say. Whether him as I have never seen it in her life - alone - with- spoke so much of, chanced to see'em out a penny-young-so pretty- going theer, or whether (which is most come to London. A'most the moment like to my thinking) he had heerd it as she lighted heer, all so desolate, she from the woman, I doen't greatly ask found (as she believed) a friend; a de- myself. My niece is found. cent woman as spoke to her about the "All night long," said Mr. Peggotty, needle-work as she had been brought up "we have been together, Em'ly and to do, about finding plenty of it fur her, me.'T is little (considering the time) about a lodging for the night, and mak- as she has said, in wureds, through ing secret inquration concerning of me them broken-hearted tears;'t is less as and all at home, to-morrow. When my I have seen of her dear face, as grow'd child," he said aloud, and with an energy into a woman's at my hearth. But, all of gratitude that shook him from head night long, her arms has been about my to foot, " stood upon the brink of more neck; and her head was laid heer; and than I can say or think on-Martha, we knows full well, as we can put our trew to her promise, saved her " trust in one another evermore." I could not repress a cry of joy. He ceased to speak, and his hand " Mas'r Davy! " he said, griping my upon the table rested there in perfect hand in that strong hand of his, "it was repose, with a resolution in it that you as first made mention of her to me. might have conquered lions. I thankee, sir! She was arnest. She "It was a gleam of light upon me, had know'd of her bitter knowledge Trot," said my aunt, drying her eyes, wheer to watch and what to do. She "when I formed the resolution of being had done it. And the Lord was above godmother to your sister Betsey Trot 4I2 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE wood, who disappointed me; but, next that he could spare the little as he to that, hardly anything would have has!" given me greater pleasure than to be "And Mrs. Gummidge?" said I. godmother to that good young creature's "Well, I've had a mort of con-siderbaby! " ation, I do tell you," returned Mr. PegMr. Peggotty nodded his understand- gotty, with a perplexed look which ing of my aunt's feelings, but could not gradually cleared as he went on, " contrust himself with any verbal reference cerning of Missis Gummidge. You to the subject of her commendation. see, wen Missis Gummidge falls a We all remained silent, and occupied thinking of the old'un, she an't what with our own reflections (my aunt dry- you may call good company. Betwixt ing her eyes, and now sobbing convul- you and me, Mas'r Davy - and you, sively, and now laughing and calling ma'am - wen Mrs. Gummidge takes to herself a fool); until I spoke. wimicking," -our old county word for "You have quite made up your crying, - "she's liable to be considmind," said I to Mr. Peggotty, "as to ered to be, by them as did n't know the the future, good friend? I need scarce- old'un, peevish-like. Now I did know ly ask you.' the old'un," said Mr. Peggotty, "and "Quite, Mas'r Davy," he returned; I know'd his merits, so I unnerstan' "and told Em'ly. Theer's mighty her; but't an't entirely so, you see, countries, fur form heer. Our future with others - nat'rally can't be I" life lays over the sea." My aunt and I both acquiesced. "They will emigrate together, aunt," "Wheerby," said Mr. Peggotty, said I. "my sister might —I doen't say she "Yes!" said Mr. Peggotty, with a would, but might —find Missis Gumhopeful smile. " No one can't reproach midge give her a leetle trouble now-andmy darling in Australia. We will be- again. Theerfur't an't my intentions gin a new life over theer!" to moor Missis Gummidge'long with I asked him if he yet proposed to them, but to find a Beein' fur her wheer himself any time for going away. she can fisherate fur herself." (A Bee" I was down at the Docks early this in' signifies, in that dialect, a home, morning, sir," he returned, "to get in- and to fisherate is to provide.) "Fur formation concerning of them ships. which purpose," said Mr. Peggotty, In about six weeks or two months from " I means to make her a'lowance afore now, there'11 be one sailing - I see her I go, as'11 leave her pretty comfort'ble. this morning - went aboard - and we She's the faithfullest of creeturs. shall take our passage in her."'T an't to be expected, of course, at her " Quite alone?" I asked. time of life, and being lone and lorn, "Ay, Mas'r Davy!" he returned. as the good old Mawther is to be " My sister, you see, she's that fond of knocked about aboardship, and in the you and yourn, and that accustomed to woods and wilds of a new and fur-away think on'y of her own country, that it country. So that's what I'm a going would n't be hardly fair to let her go. to do with her." Besides which, theer's one she has in He forgot nobody. He thought of charge, Mas'r Davy, as doen't ought to everybody's claims and strivings, but be forgot." his own. "Poor Ham! " said I. " Em'ly," he continued, "will keep "My geod sister takes care of his along with me, -poor child, she's sore house, you see, ma'am, and he takes in need of peace and rest! - until such kindly to her," Mr. Peggotty explained time as we goes upon our voyage. for my aunt's better information. "He She'11 work at them clothes, as must'11 set and talk to her, with a calm spirit, be made; and I hope her troubles will wen it's like he could n't bring himself begin to seem longer ago than they was, to open his lips to another. Poor fel- wen she finds herself once more by her low!" said Mr. Peggotty, shaking his rough but loving uncle." head, " theer's not so much left him, My aunt nodded confirmation of this OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 413 hope, and imparted great satisfaction to pany him in accordance with his wish. Mr. Peggotty. Next morning consequently, we were " Theer's one thing furder, Mas'r on the Yarmouth coach, and again Davy," said he, putting his hand in his travelling over the old ground. breast-pocket, and gravely taking out As we passed along the familiar street the little paper bundle I had seen be- at night, - Mr. Peggotty, in despite of fore, which he unrolled on the table. all my remonstrances, carrying my bag, "Theer's these heer bank-notes-fifty -I glanced into Omer and Joram's pound, and ten. To them I wish to shop, and saw my old friend Mr. Omer add the money as she come away with. there, smoking his pipe. I felt relucI've asked her about that (but not say- tant to be present, when Mr. Peggotty ing why), and have added of it up. I first met his sister and Ham; and ain't a scholar. Would you be so kind made Mr. Omer my excuse for lingeras see how't is? " ing behind. He handed me, apologetically for his "How is Mr. Omer after this long scholarship, a piece of paper, and ob- time?" said I, going in. served me while I looked it over. It He fanned away the smoke of his was quite right. pipe, that he might get a better view of "Thankee, sir," he said, taking it me, and soon recognized me with great back. " This money, if you doen't see delight. objections, Mas'r Davy, I shall put up "I should get up, sir, to acknowledge jest afore I go, in a cover d'rected to such an honor as this visit," said he, him; and put that up in another d'rect- " only my limbs are rather out of sorts, ed to his mother. I shall tell her, in no and I am wheeled about. With the more wureds than I speak to you, what exception of my limbs and my breath, it's the price on; and that I'm gone, hows'ever, I am as hearty as a man can and past receiving of it back." be, I'm thankful to say." I told him that I thought it would be I congratulated him on his contented right to do so, - that I was thoroughly looks and his good spirits, and saw, convinced it would be, since he felt it now, that his easy-chair went on wheels. to be right.' "It's an ingenious thing, ain't it?" " I said that theer was on'y one thing he inquired, following the direction of furder," he proceeded with a grave my glance, and polishing the elbow smile, when he had made up his little with his arm. " It runs as light as a bundle again, and put it in his pocket; feather, and tracks as true as a mail"but theer was two. I warn't sure in coach. Bless you, my little Minnie, - my mind, wen I come out this morn- my grand-daughter you know, Minnie's ing, as I could go and break to Ham, child, - puts her little strength against of my own self, what had so thankfully the back, gives it a shove, and away we happened. So I writ a letter while I go, as clever and merry as ever you see was out, and put it in the post-office, anything! And I tell you what -it's telling of'em how all was as't is; and a most uncommon chair to smoke a that I should come down to-morrow to pipe in." unload my mind of what little needs a I never saw such a good old fellow to doing of down theer, and, most-like, make the best of a thing, and find out take my farewell leave of Yarmouth." the enjoyment of it, as Mr. Omer. He "And do you wish me to go with was as radiant, as if his chair, his you? " said I, seeing that he left some- asthma, and the failure of his limbs, thing unsaid. were the various branches of a great " If you could do me that kind favor, invention for enhancing the luxury of a Mas'r Davy," he replied, " I know the pipe. sight on you would cheer'em up a bit." "I see more of the world, I can My little Dora being in good spirits, assure you," said Mr. Omer, "in this and very desirous that I should go, - chair, than ever I see out of it. You'd as J found on talking it over with her, be surprised at the number of people — I readily pledged myself to accom- that looks in of a day to have a chat. 414 PERSONAL hISTORY A:Ni EXPERIENCE You really would! There's twice as And you quite a small party then yourmuch in the newspaper, since I've self. Dear, dear " taken to this chair, as there used to be. I changed the subject by referring to As to general reading, dear me, what Emily. After assuring him that I did a lot of it I do get through! That's not forget how interested he had always what I feel so strong, you know! If it been in her, and how kindly he had had been my eyes, what should I have always treated her, I gave him a general done? If it had been my ears, what account of her restoration to her uncle by should I have done? Being my limbs, the aid of Martha; which I knew would what does it signify? Why, my limbs please the old man. He listened with only made my breath shorter when I the utmost attention, and said, feelingused'em. And now, if I want to go ly, when I had done, - out into the street or down to the sands, " I am rejoiced at it, sir! It's the I've only got to call Dick, Joram's best news I have heard for many a day. youngest'prentice, and away I go in Dear, dear, dear! And what's going my own carriage, like the Lord Mayor to be undertook for that unfortunate of London." young woman, Martha, now? " He half suffocated himselfwith laugh- " You touch a point that my thoughts ing here. have been dwelling on since yesterday," "Lord bless you!" said Mr. Omer, said I, "but on which I can give you resuming his pipe, "a man must take no information yet, Mr. Omer. Mr. the fat with the lean; that's what he Peggotty has not alluded to it, and I must make up his mind to in this life. have a delicacy in doing so. I am sure Joram does a fine business. Ex-cellent he has not forgotten it. He forgets business!" nothing that is disinterested and good." " I am very glad to hear it," said I. " Because vou know," said Mr. Omer, " I knew you would be," said Mr. taking himself up, where he had left Omer. "And Joram and Minnie are off, "whatever is done, I should wish like valentines. What more can a man to be a member of. Put me down for expect? What's his limbs to that!" anything you may consider right, and His supreme contempt for his own let me know. I never could think the limbs, as he sat smoking, was one of the girl all bad, and I am glad to find she's pleasantest oddities I have ever encoun- not. So will my daughter Minnie be. tered. Young women are contradictory crea"And since I've took to general tures in some things, -her mother was reading, you've took to general writing, just the same as her, - but their hearts eh, sir?" said Mr. Omer, surveying me are soft and kind. It's all show with admiringly. " What a lovely work that Minnie, about Martha. Why she should was of yours! What expressions in it! consider it necessary to make any show, I read it every word - every word. I don't undertake to tell you. But it's And as to feeling sleepy! Not at all show, bless you. She'd do her any all! " kindness in private. So, put me down I laughingly expressed my satisfac- for whatever you may consider right, tion, but I must confess that I thought will you be so good? and drop me a this association of ideas significant. line where to forward it. Dear me! " " I give you my word and honor, sir," said Mr. Omer, "when a man is drawsaid Mr. Omer, "that when I lay that ing on to a time of life, where the two book upon the table, and look at it out- ends of life meet; when be finds himside; compact in three separate and in- self, however hearty he is, being wheeled diwidual wollumes- one, two, three; I about for the second time, in a speeches am as proud as Punch to think that I of go-cart; he should be over-rejoiced once had the honor of being connected to do a kindness if he can. He wants with your family. And dear me, it's a plenty. And I don't speak of myself, long time ago, now ain't it? Over at particular," said Mr. Omer, "because, Blunderstone. With a pretty little sir, the way I look at it is, that we are party laid along with the other party. all drawing on to the bottom of the hill, OF DA VID COPPERMBILD. 415 whatever age we are, on account of time At this signal, the little elephant, never standing still for a single moment. with a dexterity that was next to marSo let us always do a kindness, and be vellous in so small an animal, whisked over-rejoiced. To be sure! " the chair round with Mr. Omer in it, He knocked the ashes out of his pipe, and rattled it off, pell-mell, into the parand put it on a ledge in the back of his lor, without touching the doorpost: Mr. chair, expressly made for its reception. Omer indescribably enjoying the per"There's Em'ly's cousin, him that formance, and looking back at me on she was to have been married to," said the road as if it were the triumphant Mr. Omer, rubbing his hands feebly, issue of his life's exertions. "as fine a fellow as there is in Yar- After a stroll about the town, I went mouth! He'11 come and talk or read to Ham's house. Peggotty had now to me, in the evening, for an hour to- removed here for good; and had let her gethersometimes. That's akindness, I own house to the successor of Mr. Barshould call it! All his life's a kindness. kis in the carrying business, who had "I am going to see him now," said I. paid her very well for the good-will, cart, "Are you?" said Mr. Omer. "Tell and horse. I believe the very same him I was hearty, and sent my respects, slow horse that Mr. Barkis drove was Minnie and Joram's at a ball. They still at work. would be as proud to see you as I am, I found them in the neat kitchen, acif they was at home. Minnie won't companied by Mrs. Gummidge, who hardly go out at all, you see,'on ac- had been fetched from the old boat by count of father,' as she says. So I Mr. Peggotty himself. I doubt if she swore to-night, that if she did n't go, could have been induced to desert her I'd go to bed at six. In consequence post, by any one else. He had evidentof which," Mr. Omer shook himself ly told them all. Both Peggotty and and his chair, with laughter at the suc- Mrs. Gummidge had their aprons to cess of his device, "she and Joram's their eyes, and Ham had just stepped at a ball." out "to take a turn on the beach." He I shook hands with him, and wished presently came home, very glad to see him good night. me; and I hope they were all the better " Half a minute, sir," said Mr. Omer. for my being there. We spoke, with " If you was to go without seeing my some approach to cheerfulness, of Mr. little elephant, you'd lose the best of Peggotty's growing rich in a new counsights. You never see such a sight I try, and of the wonders he would deMinnie!" scribe in his letters. We said nothing of A musical little voice answered, from Emily by name, but distantly referred somewhere up stairs, " I am coming, to her more than once. Ham. was the grandfather I" and a pretty little girl serenest of the party. with long, flaxen, curling hair, soon But Peggotty told me, when she lightcame running into the shop. ed me to a little chamber where the Croc"This is my little elephant, sir," said odile book was lying ready for me on the Mr. Omer, fondling the child. "Siam- table, that he always was the same. She ese breed, sir. Now, little elephant! " believed (she told me, crying) that he was The little elephant set the door of the broken-hearted; though he was as full parlor open, enabling me to see that, in of courage as of sweetness, and worked these latter days, it was converted into harder and better than any boat-builder a bedroom for Mr. Omer, who could in any yard in all that part. There were not be easily conveyed up stairs; and times, she said, of an evening, when he then hid her pretty forehead, and tum- talked of their old life in the boatbled her long hair, against the back of house; and then he mentioned Emily Mr. Omer's chair. as a child. But, he never mentioned "The elephant butts, you know, sir," her as a woman. said Mr. Omer, winking, "when he I thought I had read in his face that goes at a object. Once, elephant. he would like to speak to me alone. I Twice. Three times I" therefore resolved to put myself in his 416 PERSONA L HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE way next evening, as he came home her to forgive me, for having pressed from his work. Haying settled this my affections upon her. Odd times, I with myself, I fell asleep. That night, think that if I had n't had her promise for the first time in all those many fur to marry me, sir, she was that trustnights, the candle was taken out of the ful of-me, in a friendly way, that she'd window, Mr. Peggotty swung in his old have told me what was struggling in hammock in the old boat, and the wind her mind, and would have counselled murmured with the old sound round his with me, and I might have saved head. her." All next day, he was occupied in dis- I pressed his hand. "Is that all?" posing of his fishing-boat and tackle; "Theer's yet a something else," in packing up, and sending to London he returned, "if I can say it, Mas'r by wagon, such of his little domestic Davy." possessions as he thought would be use- We walked on, farther than we had ful to him; and in parting with the rest, walked yet, before he spoke again. He or bestowing them on Mrs. Gummidge. was not crying when he made the pauses She was with him all day. As I had a I shall express by lines. He was meresorrowful wish to see the old place once ly collecting himself to speak very more, before it was locked up, I en- plainly. gaged to meet them there in the even- " I loved her -and I love the meming. But I so arranged it, as that I'ry of her - too deep-to be able to should meet Ham first. lead her to believe of my own self as It was easy to come in his way, as I I'm a happy man. I could only be knew where he worked. I met him at happy - by forgetting of her - and I'm a retired part of the sands which I knew afeerd I couldn't hardly bear as she he would cross, and turned back with should be told I done that. But if you, him,' that he might have leisure to being so full of learning, Mas'r Davy, speak to me if he really wished. I had could think of anything to say as might not mistaken the expression of his face. bring her to believe I wasn't greatly We had walked but a little way together, hurt: still loving.of her, and mourning when he said, without looking at me, - for her: anything as might bring her to " Mas'r Davy, have you seen her?" believe as I was not tired of my life, "Only for a moment, when she was and yet was hoping fur to see her within a swoon," I softly answered. out blame, wheer the wicked cease from We walked a little farther, and he troubling and the weary are at restsaid,- anything as would ease her sorrowful " Mas'r Davy, shall you see her, d' ye mind, and yet not make her think as I think?" could ever marry, or as't was possible " It would be too painful to her, per- that any one could ever be to me what haps," said I. she was- I should ask of you to say "I have thowt of that," he replied. that —with my prayers for her- that "So'twould, sir, so'twould." was so dear." "But, Ham," said I, gently, "if I pressed his manly hand again, and there is anything that I could write to told him I would charge myself to do her, for you, in case I could not tell it; this as well as I could. if there is anything you would wish to "I thankee, sir," he answered, make known to her through me; I "'T was kind of you to meet me. should consider it a sacred trust."'T was kind of you to bear him com"I am sure on't. I thankee, sir, pany down. Mas'r Davy, I unnerstan' most kind! I think theer is something very well, though my aunt will come to I could wish said or wrote." Lon'on afore they sail, and they'11 unite "What is it?" once more, that I am not like to see We walked a little farther in si- him agen. I fare to feel sure on't. We lence, and then he spoke. doen't say so, but so't will be, and bet"'Tan't that I forgive her.'Tan't ter so. The last you see on him —the that so much.'Tis more as I beg of very last-will you give him the loving OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 417 est duty and thanks of the orphan, as he at home. I thought of the blue-eyed was ever more than a father to?" child who had enchanted me. I thought This I also promised, faithfully. of Steerforth; and a foolish, fearful fan"I thankee again, sir," he said, cy came upon me of his being near at heartily shaking hands. " I know hand, and liable to be met at any turn. wheer you're a going. Good by!" "'T is like to be long," said Mr. With a slight wave of his hand, as Peggotty, in a low voice, "afore the boat though to explain to me that he could finds new tenants. They look upon't not enter the old place, he turned away. down heer as being unfort'nate now! " As I looked after his figure, crossing "Does it belong to anybody in the the waste in the moonlight, I saw him neighborhood?" I asked. turn his face towards a strip of silvery "To a mast-maker up town," said light upon the sea, and pass on, look- Mr. Peggotty. "I'm a going to give ing at it, until he was a shadow in the the key to him to-night." distance. We looked into the other little room, The door of the boat-house stood and came back to Mrs. Gummidge, open when I approached; and, on en- sitting on the locker, whom Mr. Pegtering, I found it emptied of all its fumi- gotty, putting the light on the chimneyture, saving one of the old lockers, on piece, requested to rise, that he might which Mrs. Gummidge, with a basket carry it outside the door before extinon her knee, was seated, looking at Mr. guishing the candle. Peggotty. He leaned his elbow on the "Dan'l," said Mrs. Gummidge, sudrough chimney-piece, and gazed upon a denly deserting her basket, and clingfew expiring embers in the grate; but ing to his arm, "my dear Dan'l, the he raised his head, hopefully, on my parting words I speak in this house is,.coming in, and spoke in a cheery man- I must n't be left behind. Doen't ye ner. think of leaving me behind, Dan'l! 0, " Come, according to promise, to bid doen't ye ever do it! " farewell to't, eh, Mas'r Davy!" he Mr. Peggotty, taken aback, looked said, taking up the candle. "Bare from Mrs. Gummidge to me, and from enough, now, ain't it?" me to Mrs. Gummidge, as if he had "Indeed you have made good use of been awakened from a sleep.'the time," said I. "Doen't ye, dearest Dan'l, doen't "Why we have not been idle, sir. ye!" cried Mrs. Gummidge, fervently. Missis Gummidge has worked like a - " Take me'long with you, Dan'l, take I doen't know what Missis Gummidge me'long with you and Em'ly! I'11 be ain't worked like," said Mr. Peggotty, your servant, constant and trew. If looking at her, at a loss for a sufficiently there's slaves in them parts where approving simile. you're a going, I'11 be bound to you Mrs. Gummidge, leaning on her bas- for one, and happy, but doen't ve ket, made no observation. leave me behind, Dan'l, that's a deary "Theer's the very locker that you used dear!" to sit on,'long with Em'ly!" said Mr. " My good soul," said Mr. Peggotty, Peggotty, in a whisper. " I'm a going shaking his head, "you doen't know to carry it away with me, last of all. what a long voyage, and what a hard And heer's your old little bedroom, see, life't is!" Mas'r Davy? A'most as bleak to-night, "Yes I do, Dan'l; I can guess!" as'art could wish! " cried Mrs. Gummidge. " But my partIn truth, the wind, though it was low, ing words under this roof is, I shall go had a solemn sound, and crept around into the house and die, if I am not took. the deserted house with a whispered I can dig, Dan'l. I can work. I can wailing that was very mournful. Ev- live hard. I can be loving and patient rrything was gone, down to the little now, - more than you think, Dan'l, - if mirror with the oyster-shell frame. you'11 on'y try me. I wouldn't touch [ thought of myself, lying here, when the'lowance, not if I was dying of want, hat first great change wasbeingwrought Dan'l Peggotty; but I'11 go with you 27 x48 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE and Em'ly, if you'11 on'y let me, to the really are a cross old thing, if you don't world's end! I know how't is; I know go! " you think that I am lone and lorn; but "Tut, Blossom! " laughed my aunt. deary love,'t ain't so no more. I ain't "You know you can't do without sat here, so long, a watching, and a me! " thinking of your trials, without some " Yes, I can," said Dora. " You are good being done me. Mas'r Davy, no use to me at all. You never run speak to him for me; I knows his ways, up and down stairs for me, all day long. and Em'ly's, and I knows their sorrows, You never sit and tell me stories about and can be a comfort to'em, some odd Doady, when his shoes were worn out, times, and labor for'em allus! Dan'l, and he was covered with dust, - 0, deary Dan'l, let me go'long with what a poor little mite of a fellow I you!" You never do anything at all to please And Mrs. Gummidge took his hand, me, do you, dear?" Dora made haste and kissed it with a homely pathos and to kiss my aunt, and say, " Yes, you do! affection, in a homely rapture of devo- I'm only joking!"-lest my aunt tion and gratitude, that he well de- should think she really meant it. served. "But, aunt," said Dora, coaxingly, We brought the locker out, extin- "now listen. You must go. I shall guished the candle, fastened the door tease you, till you let me have my on the outside, and left the old boat own way about it. I shall lead my close shut up, a dark speck in the cloudy naughty boy such a life, if he don't night. Next day, when we were return- make you go. I shall make myself so ing to London outside the coach, Mrs. disagreeable, -and so will Jip! You'll Gummidge and her basket were on the wish you had gone like a good thing, seat behind, and Mrs. Gummidge was for ever and ever so long, if you don't happy. go. Besides," said Dora, putting back her hair, and looking wonderingly at my aunt and me, " why should n't you CHAPTER LII. both go? I am not very ill indeed. Am I?" I ASSIST AT AN EXPLOSION. "Why, what a question I" cried my aunt. WHEN the time Mr. Micawber had "What a fancy!" said I. appointed so mysteriously, was within "Yes! I know I am a silly little four-and-twenty hours of being come, thing!" said Dora, slowly looking from my aunt and I consulted how we should one of us to the other, and then putting proceed; for my aunt was very unwill- up her pretty lips to kiss us as she lay ing to leave Dora. Ah! how easily upon her couch. "Well, then, you I carried Dora up and down stairs, must both go, or I shall not believe you; now I and then I shall cry!" We were disposed, notwithstanding I saw in my aunt's face that she beMr. Micawber's stipulation for my gan to give way now, and Dora brightaunt's attendance, to arrange that she ened again, as she saw it too. should stay at home, and be repre- " You'11 come back with so much tc sented by Mr. Dick and me. In short, tell me, that it'11 take at least a week we had resolved to take this course, to make me understand! " said Dora. when Dora again unsettled us by de- " Because I know I sha'n't understand daring that she never would forgive for a length of time, if there's an3 herself, and never would forgive her business in it. And there's sure tc bad boy, if my aunt remained behind on be some business in it! If there', any pretence. anything to add up, besides, I don' " I won't speak to you," said Dora, know when I shall make it out; an( shaking her curls at my aunt. " I'11 be my bad boy will look so miserable al disagreeable I'11 make Jip bark at the time. There Now you'11 go you all day. I shall be sure that you won't you? You'11 only be gone on( OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 419 night, and Jip will take care of me gold; and some beams of its old peace while you are gone. Doady will carry seemed to touch my heart. me up stairs before you go, and I won't I strolled into the country for an hour come down again till you come back; or so, and then returned by the main and you shall take Agnes a dreadfully street, which in the interval had shaken scolding letter from me, because she has off its last night's sleep. Among those never been to see us! " who were stirring in the shops, I saw We agreed, without any more con- my ancient enemy, the butcher, now adsultation, that we would both go, and vanced to top-boots and a baby, and in that Dora was a little Impostor, who business for himself. He was nursing feigned to be rather unwell, because she the baby, and appeared to be a benigliked to be petted. She was greatly nant member of society. pleased, and very merry; and we four, We all became very anxious and imthat is to say, my aunt, Mr. Dick, patient, when we sat down to breakfast. Traddles, and I, went down to Canter- As it approached nearer and nearer to bury by the Dover mail that night. half past nine o'clock, our restless exAt the hotel, where Mr. Micawber pectation of Mr. Micawber increased. had requested us to await him, which At last we made no more pretence of we got into with some trouble in the attending to the meal, which, except middle of the night, I found a letter, with Mr. Dick, had been a mere form importing that he would appear in the from the first; but'my aunt walked up morning punctually at half past nine. and down the room; Traddles sat upon After which, we went shivering, at that the sofa affecting to read the paper with uncomfortable hour, to our respective his eyes on the ceiling; and I looked out beds, through various close passages; of the window to give early notice of which smelt as iftheyhad been steeped, Mr. Micawber's coming. Nor had I for ages, in a solution of soup and long to watch, for, at the first chime of stables. the half-hour, he appeared in the street. Early in the morning, I sauntered "Here lie is," said I, "and not in through the dear old tranquil streets, his legal attire i" and again mingled with the shadows of My aunt tied the strings of her bonthe venerable gateways and churches. net (she had come down to breakfast in The rooks were sailing about the cathe- it), and put on her shawl, as if she were dral towers; and the towers themselves, ready for anything that was resolute and overlooking many a long, unaltered uncompromising. Traddles buttoned mile of the rich country and its pleasant his coat with a determined air. Mr. streams, were cutting the bright morn- Dick, disturbed by these formidable ing air, as if there were no such thing as appearances, but feeling it necessary to change on earth. Yet the bells, when imitate them, pulled his hat, with both they sounded, told me sorrowfully of hands, as firmly over his ears as he poschange in everything; told me of their sibly could; and instantly took it off own age, and my pretty Dora's youth; again, to welcome Mr. Micawber. and of the many, never old, who had "Gentlemen, and madam," said Mr. lived and loved and died, while the Micawber, "good morning! My dear reverberations of the bells had hummed sir," to Mr. Dick, who shook hands through the rusty armor of the Black with him violently, "you are extremely Prince hanging up within, and, motes good." upon the deep of Time, had lost them- "Have you breakfasted? " said Mr. selves in air, as circles do in water. Dick. "Have a chop! " I looked at the old house from the "Not for the world, my good sir!" corner of the street, but did not go near- cried Mr. Micawber, stopping him on er to it, lest being observed, I might his way to the bell; "appetite and myunwittingly do any harm to the design I self, Mr. Dixon, have long been stranhad come to aid. The early sun was gers." striking edgewise on its gables and Mr. Dixon was so well pleased with lattice-windows, touching them with his new name, and appeared to think it 420 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE so very obliging in Mr. Micawber to With which, to my infinite surprise, he confer it upon him, that he shook hands included us all in a comprehensive bow, with him again, and laughed rather and disappeared; his manner being exchildishly. tremely distant, and his face extremely " Dick," said my aunt, " attention!" pale. Mr. Dick recovered himself with a Traddles only smiled, and shook his blush. head (with his hair standing upright on "Now, sir," said my aunt to Mr. the top of it), when I looked to him for Micawber, as she put on her gloves, an explanation; so I took out my watch, "we are ready for Mount Vesuvius, and, as a last resource, counted off the or anything else, as soon as you five minutes. My aunt, with her own please." watch in her hand, did the like. When " Madam," returned Mr. Micawber, the time was expired, Traddles gave her "I trust you will shortly witness an his arm; and we all went out together to eruption. Mr. Traddles, I have your the old house, without saying one word permission, I believe, to mention here on the way. that we have been in communication We found Mr. Micawber at his desk, together? " in the turret office on the ground-floor, " It is undoubtedly the fact, Copper- either writing, or pretending to write, field," said Traddles, to whom I looked hard. The large office-ruler was stuck in surprise. " Mr. Micawber has con- into his waistcoat, and was not so suited me in reference to what he has well concealed but that a foot or more in contemplation, and I have advised of that instrument protruded from his'him to the best of my judgment." bosom, like a new kind of shirt-frill. " Unless I deceive myself, Mr. Trad- As it appeared to me that I was exdies," pursued Mr. Micawber, "what I pected to speak, I said aloud, - contemplate is a disclosure of an impor- "How do you do, Mr. Micawber?" tant nature." "Mr. Copperfield," said Mr. Micaw" Highly so," said Traddles. ber, gravely, " I hope I see you well?" " Perhaps, under such circumstances, " Is Miss Wickfield at home?" said I. madam and gentlemen," said Mr. Mi- "Mr. Wickfield is unwell in bd, sir, cawber, "you will do me the favor to ofa rheumatic fever," he returned; "but submit yourselves, for the moment, to Miss Wickfield, I have no doubt, will be the direction of one who, however un- happy to see old friends. Will you walk worthy to be regarded in any other light in, sir?" but as a Waif and Stray upon the shore He preceded us to the dining-room, - of human nature, is still your fellow-man, the first room I had entered in that though crushed out of his original form house, - and, flinging open the door of by individual errors, and the accumula- Mr. Wickfield's former office, said, in tive force of a combination of circum- a sonorous voice:stances?" "Miss Trotwood, Mr. David Copper" We have perfect confidence in you, field, Mr. Thomas Traddles, and Mr. Mr. Micawber," said I, "and will do Dixon!" what you please." I had not seen Uriah Heep since the " Mr. Copperfield," returned Mr. Mi- time of the blow. Our visit astonished cawber, " your confidence is not, at the him, evidently; not the less, I dare say, existing juncture, ill-bestowed. I would because it astonished ourselves. He beg to be allowed a start of five minutes, did not gather his eyebrows together, by the clock; and then to receive the for he had none worth mentioning; but present company, inquiring for Miss he frowned to that degree that he almost Wickfield, at the office of Wickfield closed his small eyes, while the hurried and Heep, whose Stipendiary I am." raising of his grisly hand to his chin My aunt and I looked at Traddles, betrayed some trepidation or surprise. who nodded his approval. This was only when we were in the "I have no more," observed Mr. act of entering his room, and when I Micawber, "to say at present." caught a glance at him over my aunt's OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 42X shoulder. A moment afterwards, he " No, I have not been intimate with was as fawning and as humble as Mr. Wickfield," returned Traddles; ever. "or I might perhaps have waited on "Well, I am sure," he said. "This you long ago, Mr. Heep." is indeed an unexpected pleasure! To There was something in the tone of have, as I may say, all friends round this reply which made Uriah look at Saint Paul's, at once, is a treat un- the speaker again, with a very sinister looked for! Mr. Copperfield, I hope I and suspicious expression. But seeing see you well, and -if I may umbly ex- only Traddles, with his good-natured press self so -friendly towards-them as face, simple manner, and hair on end, is ever your friends, whether or not. he dismissed it as he replied, with a Mrs. Copperfield, sir, I hope she's jerk of his whole body, but especially getting on. We have been made quite his throat, - uneasy by the poor accounts we have "I am sorry for that, Mr. Traddles. had of her state, lately, I do assure You would have admired him as much you." as we all do. His little failings would I felt ashamed to let him take my only have endeared him to you the hand, but I did not know yet what more. But if you would like to hear else to do. my fellow-partner eloquently spoken of, "Things are changed in this office, I should refer you to Copperfield. The Miss Trotwood, since I was an umble family is a subject he's very strong clerk, and held your pony; ain't they?" upon, if you never heard him." said Uriah, with his sickliest smile. I was prevented from disclaiming the "But I am not changed, Miss Trot- compliment (if I should have done so, wood." in any case) by the entrance of Agnes, "Well, sir," returned my aunt, "to now ushered in by Mr. Micawber. She tell you the truth, I think you are pretty was not quite so self-possessed as usual, constant to the promise of your youth; I thought; and had evidently underif that's any satisfaction to you." gone anxiety and fatigue. But her " Thank you, Miss Trotwood," said earnest cordiality, and her quiet beauty, Uriah, writhing in his ungainly manner, shone with the gentler lustre for it. "for your good opinion! Micawber, I saw Uriah watch her while she tell'em to let Miss Agnes know- greeted us; and he reminded me of an and mother. Mother will be quite in ugly and rebellious genie watching a a state, when she sees the present good spirit. In the mean while, some company!" said Uriah, setting chairs. slight sign passed between Mr. Micaw" You are not busy, Mr. Heep? " said ber and Traddles; and Traddles, unTraddles, whose eye the cunning red observed except by me, went out. eye accidentally caught, as it at once " Don't wait, Micawber," said Uriah. scrutinized and evaded us. Mr. Micawber, with his hand upon "No, Mr. Traddles," replied Uriah, the ruler in his breast, stood erect beresuming his official seat, and squeezing fore the door, most unmistakably conhis bony hands, laid palm to palm be- templating one of his fellow-men, and tween his bony knees. "Not so much that man his employer. as I could wish. But lawyers, sharks, "What are you waiting for?" said and leeches are not easily satisfied, you Uriah. " Micawber! did you hear me.know! Not but what myself and Mi- tell you not to wait? " eawber have our hands pretty full in " Yes! " replied the immovable Mr. general, on account of Mr. Wickfield's Micawber. being hardly fit for any occupation, sir. "Then why do you wait?" said But it's a pleasure as well as a duty, I Uriah. am sure, to work for him. You've not "Because I - in short choose," rebeen intimate with Mr. Wickfield, I plied Mr. Micawber, with a burst. think, Mr. Traddles? I believe I've Uriah's cheeks lost color, and an unosly had the honor of seeing you once wholesome paleness, still faintly tinged,myself?" by his pervading red, overspread them. 42a PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE He looked at Mr. Micawber attentive- Think twice, before it goes over you. ly, with his whole face breathing short Think twice, you Micawber, if you and quick in every feature. don't want to be crushed. I recom" You are a dissipated fellow, as all mend you to take yourself off, and be the world knows," he said, with an talked to presently, you fool! while effort at a smile, "and I am afraid there's time to retreat. Where's you' 11 oblige me to get rid of you. Go mother? " he said, suddenly appearing along! I'11 talk to you presently." to notice, with alarm, the absence of "If there is a scoundrel on this earth," Traddles, and pulling down the bellsaid Mr. Micawber, suddenly breaking rope. "Fine doings in a person's own out again with the utmost vehemence, house!" "with whom I have already talked too " Mrs. Heep is here, sir," said Tradmuch, that scoundrel's name is — dles, returning with that worthy mother HEEP! " of a worthy son. "I have taken the Uriah fell back, as if he had been liberty of making myself known to her." struck or stung. Looking slowly round "Who are you to make yourself upon us with the darkest and wickedest known?" retorted Uriah. "And what expression that his face could wear, he do you want here?" said, in a lower voice: - " I am the agent and friend of Mr. "Oho! This is a conspiracy! You Wickfield, sir," said Traddles, in a cornhave met here, by appointment You posed business-like way. "And I have are playing Booty with my clerk, are you, a power of attorney from him in my Copperfield? Now, take care. You'11 pocket, to act for him in all matters." make nothing of this. We understand " The old ass has drunk himself into each other, you and me. There's no a state of dotage," said Uriah, turning love between us. You were always a uglier than before, " and it has been got puppy with a proud stomach, from your from him by fraud! " first coming here; and you envy me " Something has been got from him my rise, do you? None of your plots by fraud, I know," returned Traddles, against me; I'11 counter-plot you! Mi- quietly; "and so do you, Mr. Heep. cawber, you be off. I'11 talk to you We will refer that question, if you presently." please, to Mr. Micawber." " Mr. Micawber," said I, "there is a "Ury-!" Mrs. Heep began, with sudden change in this fellow, in more an anxious gesture. respects than the extraordinary one of "You hold your tongue, mother," ha his speaking the truth in one particular, returned; "least said, soonest mendwhich assures me that he is brought to ed." bay. Deal with him as he deserves!" "But my Ury -" " You are a precious set of people, "Will you hold your tongue, mother, ain't you? " said Uriah, in the same low and leave it to me?" voice, and breaking out into a clammy Though I had long known that his heat, which he wiped from his forehead, servility was false, and all his pretences with his long lean hand, "to buy over knavish and hollow, I had had no ademy clerk, who is the very scum of socie- quate conception of the extent of his ty, - as you yourself were, Copperfield, hypocrisy, until I now saw him with his you know it, before any one had charity mask off. The suddenness with which on you,- to defame me with his lies? he dropped it, when he perceived that Miss Trotwood, you had better stop it was useless to him; the malice, insothis; or I'11 stop your husband shorter lence, and hatred he revealed; the leer than will be pleasant to you. I won't with which he exulted, even at this moknow your story professionally, for noth- ment, in the evil he had done, - all this ing, old lady! Miss Wickfield, if you time being desperate too, and at his have any love for your father, you had wits' end for the means of getting the better not join that gang. I'11 ruin better of us, -though perfectly consisthim, if you do. Now, come I I have ent with the experience I bad of him, got some of you under the harrow. at first took even me by surprise, who OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 423 had known him so long, and disliked of a large letter. Opening this packet, him so heartily. with his old flourish, and glancing at I say nothing of the look he conferred the contents, as if he cherished an artison me, as he stood eying us, one after tic admiration of their style of composianother; for I had always understood tion, he began to read as follows:that he hated me, and I remembered "'Dear Miss Trotwood and gentlethe marks of my hand upon his cheek. men- " But when his eyes passed on to Agnes, "Bless and save the man!" exand I saw the rage with which he felt claimed my aunt in a low voice. "He'd his power over her slipping away, and write letters by the ream, if it was a the exhibition, in their disappointment, capital offence! " of the odious passions that had led him Mr. Micawber, without hearing her, to aspire to one whose virtues he could went on. never appreciate or care for, I was "'In appearing before you to deshocked by the mere thought of her hav- nounce probably the most consummate ing lived, an hour, within sight of such Villain that has ever existed,"' Mr. Mia man. cawber, without looking off the letter, After some rubbing of the lower part pointed the ruler, like a ghostly trunof his face, and some looking at us with cheon, at Uriah Heep, "' I ask no conthose bad eyes, over his grisly fingers, sideration for myself. The victim, from he made one more address to me, half my cradle, of pecuniary liabilities to whining, and half abusive. which I have been unable to respond, "You think it justifiable, do you, I have ever been the sport and toy Copperfield, - you who pride yourself so of debasing circumstances. Ignominy, much on your honor and all the rest of Want, Despair, and Madness have, it,-to sneak about my place, eavesdrop- collectively or separately, been the atping with my clerk? If it had been me, tendants of my career.'" I should n't have wondered; for I don't The relish with which Mr. Micawber make myself out a gentleman (though described himself as a prey to these I never was in the streets either, as you dismal calamities was only to be were, according to Micawber), but being equalled by the emphasis with which he jyou!- And you're not afraid of doing read his letter; and the kind of homage this, either? You don't think at all of he rendered to it with a roll of his head, what I shall do in return; or of getting when he thought he had hit a sentence yourself into trouble for conspiracy and very hard indeed. so forth? Very well. We shall see! "' In an accumulation of Ignominy, Mr. What's-your-name, you were going Want, Despair, and Madness, I entered to refer some question to Micawber. the office -or, as our lively neighbor, There's your referee. Why don't you the Gaul, would term it, the Bureaumake him speak? He has learnt his of the Firm nominally conducted under lesson, I see." the appellation of Wickfield and - Seeing that what he said had no effect HEEP, but, in reality, wielded by - on me or any of us, he sat on the edge HEEP, alone. HEEP, and only HEEP, of his table with his hands in his pock- is the mainspring of that machine. ets, and one of his splay feet twisted HEEP, and only HEEP, is the Forger round the other leg, waiting doggedly and the Cheat.'" for what might follow. Uriah, more blue than white at these Mr. Micawber, whose impetuosity I words, made a dart at the letter, as if to had restrained thus far with the greatest tear it in pieces. Mr. Micawber, with difficulty, and who had repeatedly in- a perfect miracle of dexterity or luck, terposed with the first syllable of ScouN- caught his advancing knuckles with the drel! without getting to the second, ruler, and disabled his right hand. It now burst forward, drew the ruler from dropped at the wrist, as if it were his breast (apparently as a defensive broken. The blow sounded as if it had weapon), and produced from his pocket fallen on wood. a foolscap document, folded in the form " The Devil take you I" said Uriah,. 424 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE writhing in a new way with pain. " I'11 "' Then it was that - HEEP - began be even with you." to favor me with just so much of his "Approach me again, you —you — confidence as was necessary to the you HEEP of infamy," gasped Mr. Mi- discharge of his infernal business. Then cawber, " and if your head is human, it was that I began, if I may so Shake-.I'11 break it. Come on, come on! " spearianly express myself, to dwindle, I think I never saw anything more peak, and pine. I found that my serridiculous -I was sensible of it, even vices were constantly called into requiat the time - than Mr. Micawber sition for the falsification of business, making broadsword guards with the and the mystification of an individual ruler, and crying, " Come on! " while whom I will designate as Mr. W.; that Traddles and I pushed him back into a Mr. W. was imposed upon, kept in corner, from which, as often as we got ignorance, and deluded, in every possihim into it, he persisted in emerging ble way; yet, that all this while, the again. ruffian - HEEP - was professing unHis enemy, muttering to himself, bounded gratitude to, and unbounded after wringing his wounded hand for friendship for, that much-abused gentlesome time, slowly drew off his neck- man. This was bad enough; but, as erchief and bound it up; then held the philosophic Dane observes, with it in his other hand, and sat upon that universal applicability which dishis table with his sullen face looking tinguishes the illustrious ornament of down. the Elizabethan Era, worse remains Mr. Micawber, when he was suffi- behind! " ciently cool, proceeded with his letter. Mr. Micawber was so very much "'The stipendiary emoluments in struck by this happy rounding off with consideration of which I entered into a quotation, that he indulged himself, the service of- HEEP,'" always paus- and us, with a second reading of the ing before that word, and uttering it sentence, under pretence of having lost with astonishing vigor, "'were not his place. defined, beyond the pittance of twenty- "' It is not my intention,' " he contwo shillings and six per week. The tinued, reading on, "'to enter on a rest was left contingent on the value detailed list, within the compass of the of my professional exertions; in other present epistle (though it is ready elseand more expressive words, on the where), of the various malpractices of a baseness of my nature, the cupidity of minor nature, affecting the individual my motives, the poverty of my family, whom I have denominated Mr. W., to the general moral (or rather immoral) which I have been a tacitly consenting resemblance between myself and- party. My object, when the contest HEEP. Need I say, that it soon be- within myself between stipend and no came necessary for me to solicit from - stipend, baker and no baker, existence HEEP- pecuniary advances towards and non-existence, ceased, was to take the support of Mrs. Micawber, and our advantage of my opportunities to disblighted but rising family! Need I say cover and expose the major malpractices that this necessity had been foreseen committed, to that gentleman's grievby - HEEP, - that those advances ous wrong and injury, by - HEEP. were secured by I. O. U.'s and other Stimulated by the silent.monitor within, similar acknowledgments, known to the and by a no less touching and appeallegal institutions of this country, -and ing monitor without, -to whom I will that I thus became immeshed in the briefly refer as Miss W., - I entered on web he had spun for my reception? " a not unlaborious task of clandestine Mr. Micawber's enjoyment of his investigation, protracted now, to the epistolary powers, in describing this best of my knowledge, information, and unfortunate state ofthings, really seemed belief, over a period exceeding twelve to outweigh any pain or anxiety that calendar months.' " the reality could have caused him. He He read this passage, as if it were from read on:- an Act of Parliament; and appeared URIAH HEEP AND HIS MOTHER. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 425 majestically refreshed by the sound of and he will hear of something not at all the words. to his advantage! " "'My charges against - HEEP,' "he The triumphant flourish with which read on, glancing at him, and drawing Mr. Micawber delivered himself of these the ruler into a convenient position un- words had a powerful effect in alarming der his left arm, in case of need, "'are the mother; who cried out in much as follows.'" agitation:We all held our breath, I think. I am " Ury, Ury! Be umble, and make sure Uriah held his. terms, my dear! " "'First,'" said Mr. Micawber. "Mother!" he retorted, "will you "'When Mr. W.'s faculties and memo- keep quiet? You're in a fright, and ry for business became, through causes don't know what you say or mean. into which it is not necessary or expe- Umble!" he repeated, looking at me, dient for me to enter, weakened and with a snarl; "I've umbled some of confused, - HEEP designedly perplexed'em for a pretty long time back, umble and complicated the whole of the as I was! " official transactions. When Mr. W. Mr. Micawber, genteelly adjusting his was least fit to enter on business,- chin in his cravat, presently proceeded HEEP was always at hand to force him with his composition. to enter on it. He obtained Mr. W.'s "' Second. HEEP has, on several signature under such circumstances to occasions to the best of my knowledge, documents of importance, representing information, and belief-'" them to be other documents of no im- " Butthatwon't do," muttered Uriah, portance. He induced Mr. W. to em- relieved. "Mother, you keep quiet." power him to draw out, thus, one par- "We will endeavor to provide someticular sum of trust-money, amounting thing that WILL do, and do for you to twelve six fourteen, two, and nine, finally, sir, very shortly," replied Mr. and employed it to meet pretended Micawber. business charges and deficiencies which "' Second. HEEP has, on several were either already provided for, or had occasions, to the best of my knowledge, never really existed. He gave this information, and belief, systematically proceeding, throughout, the appearance forged, to various entries, books, and of having originated in Mr. W.'s own documents, the signature of Mr. W.; dishonest intention, and of having been and has distinctly done so in one inaccomplished by Mr. W.'s own dis- stance, capable of proof by me. To honest act; and has used it, ever since, wit, in manner following, that is& to to torture and constrain him.'" say:-" "You shall prove this, you Copper- Again, Mr. Micawber had a relish in field!" said Uriah, with a threatening this formal piling up of words, which, shake of the head. "All in good howeverludicrouslydisplayed in hiscase, time!" was, I must say, not at all peculiar to "Ask - HEEP - Mr. Traddles, who him. I have observed it, in the course lived in his house after him," said Mr. of ny life, innumbersofmen. Itseems Micawber, breaking off from the letter; to me to be a general rule. In the tak"will you?" ing of legal oaths, for instance, depo"The fool himself-and lives there nents seem to enjoy themselves mightily now," said Uriah, disdainfully. when they come to several good words "Ask- HEEP -if he ever kept a in succession, for the expression of one pocket-book in that house," said Mr. idea; as, that they utterly detest, abomMicawber; "will you?" inate, and abjure, or so forth; and the I saw Uriah's lank hand stop, invol- old anathemas were made relishing on untary, in the scraping of his chin. the same principle. We talk about the "Or ask him," said Mr. Micawber, tyranny of words, but we like to tyran"if he ever burnt one there. If he nize over them too; we are fond of says yes, and asks you where the ashes having a large superfluous establishare, refer him to Wilkins Micawber, ment of words to wait upon us on great 426 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE occasions; we think it looks important, Micawber read again, looking about as and sounds well. As we are not partic- if it.were the text of a sermon, "' in my ular about the meaning of our liveries possession,'-that is to say, I had, on state occasions, if they be but fine early this morning, when this was writand numerous enough, so the meaning ten, but have since relinquished it to or necessity of our words is a secondary Mr. Traddles." consideration, if there be but a great "It is quite true," assented Traddles. parade of them. And as individuals "Ury, Ury!" cried the mother, "be get into trouble by making too great a umble and make terms. I know my show of liveries, or as slaves when they son will be umble, gentlemen, if you'11 are too numerous rise against their mas- give him time to think. Mr. Copperters, so I think I could mention a na- field, I'm sure you know that he was tion that has got into many great diffi- always very umble, sir! " culties, and will get into many greater, It was singular to see how the mother from maintaining too large a retinue of still held to the old trick, when the son words. had abandoned it as useless. Mr. Micawber read on, almost smack- "Mother," he said, with an impaing his lips: — tient bite at the handkerchief in which "'To wit, in manner following, that his hand was wrapped, "you had better is to say. Mr. W. being infirm, and it take and fire a loaded gun at me." being within the bounds of probability "But I love you, Ury," cried Mrs. that his disease might lead to some Heep. And I have no doubt she did; discoveries, and to the downfall of- or that he loved her, however strange it HEEP'S - power over the W. family, - may appear; though, to be sure, they as I, Wilkins Micawber, the under- were a congenial couple. "And I signed, assume, -unless the filial affec- can't bear to hear you provoking the tion of his daughter could be secretly gentleman, and endangering of yourself influenced from allowing any investiga- more. I told the gentleman at first, tion of the partnership affairs to be ever when he told me up stairs it was come made, the said - HEEP - deemed it to light, that I would answer for your expedient to have a bond ready by him, being umble, and making amends. as from Mr. W., for the before-men- 0, see how umble I am, gentlemen, tioned sum of twelve six fourteen, two and don't mind him! " and nine, with interest, stated therein " Why, there's Copperfield, mother," to have been advanced by - HEEP -to he angrily retorted, pointing his lean Mr W. to save Mr. W. from dishonor; finger at me, against whom all his anithougi. really the sum was never ad- mosity was levelled, as the prime mover vanced by him, and has long been re- in the discovery; and I did not undeplaced The signatures to this instru- ceivehim,-"there'sCopperfield, would ment, purporting to be executed by Mr. have given you a hundred pounds to say W. and attested by Wilkins Micawber, less than you've blurted out! " are forgeries by-HEEP. I have, in "I can't help it, Ury," cried his my possession, in his hand and pocket- mother. " I can't see you running into book, several similar imitations of Mr. danger, through carrying your head so W.'s signature, here and there defaced high. Better be umble, as you always by fire, but legible to any one. I never was." attested any such document. And I He remained for a little, biting the have the document itself in my posses- handkerchief, and then said to me with sion.' a scowl, - Uriah Heep, with a start, took out of "What more have you got to bring his pocket a bunch of keys, and opened forward? If anything, go on with it. a certain drawer; then suddenly be- What do you look at me for? " thought himself of what he was about, Mr. Micawber promptly resumed his and turned again towards us, without letter, only too glad to revert to a perlooking in it. formance with which he was so highly "'And I have the document,"' Mr. satisfied. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 427 "'Third. And last. I am now in a "'who, by making himself necessary to condition to show, by- HEEP's - false him, had achieved his destruction. All books, and - HEEP's-real memoran- this I undertake to show. Probably da, beginning with the partially de- much more! " stroyed pocket-book (which I was una- I whispered a few words to Agnes, ble to comprehend, at the time of its who was weeping, half joyfully, half sccidental discovery by Mrs. Micawber, sorrowfully, at my side; and there was )n our taking possession of our present a movement among us, as if Mr. Miibode, in the locker or binn devoted to cawber had finished. He said, with;he reception of the ashes calcined on exceeding gravity, "Pardon me," and )ur domestic hearth), that the weakness- proceeded, with a mixture of the lowest Es, the faults, the very virtues, the pa- spirits and the most intense enjoyment, ~ental affections, and the sense of honor, to the peroration of his letter. )f the unhappy Mr. W. have been for "'I have now concluded. It mererears acted on by, and warped to the ly remains for me to substantiate these )ase purposes of —HEEP. That Mr. accusations; and then, with my illY. has been for years deluded and starred family, to disappear from the )lundered, in every conceivable man- landscape on which we appear to be an ler, to the pecuniary aggrandizement encumbrance. That is soon done. It,f the avaricious, false, and grasping- may be reasonably inferred that our -IEEP. That the engrossing object of baby will first expire of inanition, as - HEEP - was, next to gain, to subdue being the frailest member of our circle; Ir. and Miss W. (of his ulterior views and that our twins will follow next in n reference to the latter I say nothing) order. So be it! For myself, my Canntirely to himself. That his last act, terbury Pilgrimage has done much; ompleted but a few months since, was imprisonment on civil process, and: induce Mr. W. to execute a relin- want, will soon do more. I trust that uishment of his share in the partner- the labor and hazard of an investigation hip, and even a bill of sale on the very - of which the smallest results have been irniture of his house, in consideration slowly pieced together, in the pressure f a certain annuity, to be well and truly of arduous avocations, under grinding aid by- HEEP-on the four common penurious apprehensions, at rise of uarter-days in each and every year. morn, at dewy eve, in the shadows of'hat these meshes; beginning with night, under the watchful eye of one larming and falsified accounts of the whom it were superfluous to call Demon state of which Mr. W. is the receiver, - combined with the struggle of parent a period when Mr. W. had launched tal Poverty to turn it, when completed, ito imprudent and ill-judged specula- to the right account, may be as the ons, and may not have had the money, sprinkling of a few drops of sweet water ~r which he was morally and legally on my funereal pyre. I ask no more..sponsible, in hand; going on with Let it be, in justice, merely said of me, retended borrowings of money at enor- as of a gallant and eminent naval Hero, ious interest, really coming from- with whom I have no pretensions to [EEP - and by - HEEP - fraudulently cope, that what I have done, I did, in )tained or withheld from Mr. W. him- despite of mercenary and selfish objects, If, on pretence of such speculations or For England, home, and Beauty. herwise; perpetuated by a miscella-;ous catalogue of unscrupulous chican- "' Remaining always, &c., &c., ~ies-gradually thickened, until the "'WILKINS MICAWBER.'" shappy Mr. W. could see no world.yond. Bankrupt, as he believed, Much affected, but still intensely ike in circumstances, in all other hope, enjoying himself, Mr. Micawber folded Id in honor, his sole reliance was upon up his letter, and handed it with a bow e monster in the garb of man,' "- to my aunt, as something she might r, Micawber made a good deal of like to keep. is, as a new turn of expression, - There was, as I had noticed on my 428 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE first visit long ago, an iron safe in the on her knees to all of us in succession, room. The key was in it. A hasty and making the wildest promises. Hei suspicion seemed to strike Uriah; and son sat her down in his chair; and. with a glance at Mr. Micawber, he standing sulkily by her, holding her arm went to it, and threw the doors clanking with his hand, but not rudely, said tc open. It was empty. me, with a ferocious look,"Where are the books!" he cried, "What do you want done?" with a frightful face. " Some thief has " I will tell you what must be done,' stolen the books! " said Traddles. Mr. Micawber tapped himself with " Has that Copperfield no tongue!' the ruler. "I did, when I got the key muttered Uriah. "I would do a gooc from you as usual —but a little earlier deal for you if you could tell me, withou -and opened it this morning." lying, that somebody had cut it out." "Don't be uneasy," said Traddles. "My Uriah means to be umble!' "They have come into my possession. cried his mother. "Don't mind wha I will take care of them, under the au- he says, good gentlemen! " thority I mentioned." "What must be done," said Trad " You receive stolen goods, do you?" dles, " is this. First, the deed ofrelin cried Uriah. quishment, that we have heard of, mus "Under such circumstances," an- be given over to me now -here." swered Traddles, "yes." "Suppose I haven't got it," he in What was my astonishment when I terrupted. beheld my aunt, who had been pro- "But you have," said Traddles foundly quiet and attentive, make a "therefore, you know, we won't suppose dart at Uriah Heep, and seize him by so." And I cannot help avowing tha the collar with both hands! this was the first occasion on which "You know what I want? " said my really did justice to the clear head, an, aunt. the plain, patient, practical good sense " A strait-waistcoat," said he. of my old schoolfellow. "Then," sai< " No. My Property! " returned my Traddles, " you must prepare to dis aunt. "Agnes, my dear, as long as I gorge all that your rapacity has becom believed it had been really made away possessed of, and to make restoration t with by your father, I would n't - and, the last farthing. All the partnershimy dear, I didn't, even to Trot, as he books and papers must remain in ou knows -breathe a syllable of its hav- possession; all your books and papers ing been placed here for investment. all money accounts and securities, c But now I know this fellow's answer- both kinds. In short, everything here.' able for it, and I'11 have it! Trot, "Must it? I don't know that," sail come and take it away from him!" Uriah. "I must have time to thin: Whether my aunt supposed, for the about that." moment, that he kept her property in "Certainly," replied Traddles; "but his neckerchief, I am sure I don't in the mean while, and until everythin; know; but she certainly pulled at it is done to our satisfaction, we shal as if she thought so. I hastened to put maintain possession of these things myself between them, and to assure her and beg you -in short, compel you - that we would all take care that he to keep your own room, and hold n' should make the utmost restitution of communication with any one." everything he had wrongly got. This, " I won't do it! " said Uriah, with as and a few moments' reflection, pacified oath. her; but she was not at all disconcerted "Maidstone Jail is a safer place c by what she had done (though I cannot detention," observed Tradd!es: "anm say as much forherbonnet), and resumed though the law may be longer in right her seat composedly. ing us, and may not be able to right u During the last few minutes, Mrs. so completely as you can, there is n, Heep had been clamoring to her son to doubt of its punishing you. Dear me be "' umble "; and had been going down you know that quite as vell as I I -Cop OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 429 perfield, will you go round to the Guild- "Or as certain as they used to teach hall, and bring a couple of officers?" at school (the same school where I Here Mrs. Heep broke out again, picked up so much umbleness), from crying on her knees to Agnes to inter- nine o'clock to eleven, that labor was Fere in their behalf, exclaiming that he a curse; and from eleven o'clock to one, was very humble, and it was all true, that it was a blessing and a cheerfulmd if he didn't do what we wanted, ness, and a dignity, and I don't know she would, and much more to the same what all, eh?" said he with a sneer. Purpose; being half frantic with fears "You preach about as consistent as!or her darling. To inquire what he they did. Won't umbleness go down? night have done, if he had had any I shouldn't have got round my gentle)oldness, would be like inquiring what man fellow-partner without it, I think. t mongrel cur might do, if it had the - Micawber, you old bully, I'11 pay;pirit of a tiger. He was a coward, you!" rom head to foot: and showed his das- Mr. Micawber, supremely defiant of ardly nature through his sullenness and him and his extended finger, and maknortification, as much as at any time of ing a great deal of his chest until he had iis mean life. slunk out at the door, then addressed "Stop!" he growled to me, and wiped himself to me, and proffered me the lis hot face with his hand. " Mother, satisfaction of "witnessing the re-estabiold your noise. Well! Let'em have lishment of mutual confidence between hat deed. Go and fetch it!" himself and Mrs. Micawber." After "Do you help her, Mr. Dick," said which, he invited the company generrraddles, "if you please." ally to the contemplation of that affectProud of his commission, and under- ing spectacle. tanding it, Mr. Dick accompanied her " The veil that has long been inter-.s a shepherd's dog might accompany a posed between Mrs. Micawber and myheep. But Mrs. Heep gave him little self is now withdrawn," said Mr. Mirouble; for she not only returned with cawber; "and my children and the he deed, but with the box in which it Author of their Being can once more vas, where we found a banker's book come in contact on equal terms.".nd some other papers that were after- As we were all very grateful to him, yards serviceable. and all desirous to show that we were, " Good!" said Traddles, when this as well as the hurry and disorder of our {as brought. " Now, Mr. Heep, you spirits would permit, I dare say we an retire to think; particularly observ- should all have gone, but that it was ng, if you please, that I declare to you, necessary for Agnes to return to her,n the part of all present, that there is father, as yet unable to bear more than inly one thing to be done; that it is the dawn of hope; and for some one {hat I have explained; and that it must else to hold Uriah in safe keeping. So,e done without delay." Traddles remained for the latter purUriah, without lifting his eyes from pose, to be presently relieved by Mr. he ground, shuffled across the room Dick; and Mr. Dick, my aunt, and I vith his hand to his chin, and pausing went home with Mr. Micawber. As I.t the door, said, - parted hurriedly from the dear girl to "Copperfield, I have always hated whom I owed so much, and thought *ou. You've always been an upstart, from what she had been saved, per-.nd you've always been against me." haps, that morning,-her better reso"'As I think I told you once before," lution notwithstanding, - I felt devoutly aid I, "it is you who have been, in thankful for the miseries of my younger'our greed and cunning, against all the days which had brought me to the vorld. It may be profitable to you to knowledge of Mr. Micawber. eflect, in future, that there never were His house was not far off; and as the,reed and cunning in the world yet, that street door opened into the sitting-room, lid, not do too much, and overreach and he bolted in with a precipitation hemselves. It is as.ertain as death." quite his own, we found ourselves at 430 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE once in the bosom of the family. Mr. "Madam," replied Mr. Micawber: Micawber exclaiming, "Emma! my "it is a true bill." life!" rushed into Mrs. Micawber's "And that eldest young gentleman arms. Mrs. Micawber shrieked, and now," said my aunt, musing, -"wha folded Mr. Micawber in her embrace. has he been brought up to?" Miss Micawber, nursing the uncon- "It was my hope when I came here,' scious stranger of Mrs. Micawber's last said Mr. Micawber, "to have got Willetter to me, was sensibly affected. The kins into the Church; or perhaps I shal stranger leaped. The twins testified express my meaning more strictly, if 1 their joy by several inconvenient but say the Choir. But there was no va innocent demonstrations. Master Mi- cancy for a tenor in the venerable Pile cawber, whose disposition appeared to for which this city is so justly eminent have been soured by early disappoint- and he has-in short, he has contractec ment, and whose aspect had become a habit of singing in public houses, rath morose, yielded to his better feelings, er than in sacred edifices." and blubbered. "But he means well," said Mrs. Mi "Emma!" said Mr. Micawber, "the cawber, tenderly. cloud is past from my mind. Mutual "I dare say, my love," rejoined Mr confidence, so long preserved between Micawber, "that he means particularly us once, is restored, to know no further well; but I have not yet found that hi interruption. Now, welcome poverty!" carries out his meaning, in any givei cried Mr. Micawber, shedding tears. direction whatsoever." "Welcome misery, welcome houseless- Master Micawber's moroseness of as ness, welcome hunger, rags, tempest, pect returned upon him again, and h( and beggary! Mutual confidence will demanded, with some temper, what h( sustain us to the end!" was to do? Whether he had been bon With these expressions, Mr. Micaw- a carpenter, or a coach painter, ant ber placed Mrs. Micawber in a chair, more than he had been born a bird and embraced the family all round; Whether he could go into the nex welcoming a variety of bleak prospects, street, and open a chemist's shop which appeared, to the best of my judg- Whether he could rush to the nex ment, to be anything but welcome to assizes, and proclaim himself a lawyer them; and calling upon them to come Whether he could come out by force a out into Canterbury and sing a chorus, the opera, and succeed by violence as nothing else was left for their support. Whether he could do anything, withou But Mrs. Micawber having, in the being brought up to something? strength of her emotions, fainted away, My aunt mused a little while, an( the first thing to be done, even before then said, - the chorus could be considered com- "Mr. Micawber, I wonder you have plete, was to recover her. This, my never turned your thoughts to emigra aunt and Mr. Micawber did; and then tion." my aunt was introduced, and Mrs. Mi- "Madam," returned Mr. Micawber cawber recognized me. " it was the dream of my youth, and th( " Excuse me, dear Mr. Copperfield," fallacious aspiration of my riper years.' said the poor lady, giving me her hand, I am thoroughly persuaded, by the by "but I am not strong; and the removal that he had never thought of it in his life of the late misunderstanding between "Ay?" said my aunt, with a glanc( Mr. Micawber and myself was at first at me. "Why, what a thing it woulc too much for me." be for yourselves and your family, Mr "Is this all your family, ma'am?" and Mrs. Micawber, if you were to emi said my aunt. grate now." "There are no more at present," re- "Capital, madam, capital," urgec turned Mrs. Micawber. Mr. Micawber, gloomily. " Good gracious! I did n't mean that, " That is the principal, I may say the ma'am," said my aunt. "I mean are only difficulty, my dear Mr. Copper all these yours?" field," assented his wife. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 431 "Capital?" cried my aunt. "But ily; and that something of an extraordiyou are doing us a great service, - have nary nature will turn up on that shore. done us a great service, I may say, for It is no distance - comparatively speaksurely much will come out of the fire, - ing; and though consideration is due to and what could we do for you, that the kindness of your proposal, I assure would be half so good as to find the you that is a mere matter of form." capital? " Shall I ever forget how, in a moment, " I could not receive it as a gift," said he was the most sanguine of men, lookMr. Micawber, full of fire and animation, ing on to fortune; or how Mrs. Micaw"but if a sufficient sum could be, ad- ber presently discoursed about the habits vanced, say at five per cent interest per of the kangaroo! Shall I ever recall annum, upon my personal liability- that street of Canterbury on a marketsay my notes of hand, at twelve, eigh- day without recalling him, as he walked teen, and twenty-four months, respec- back with us; expressing, in the hardy tively, to allow time for something to roving manner he assumed, the unsettled turn up-" habits of a temporary sojourner in the "Could be? Can be and shall be, on land; and looking at the bullocks, as your own terms," returned my aunt, they came by, with the eye of an Aus" if you say the word. Think of this tralian farmer I now, both of you. Here are some people David knows, going out to Australia shortly. If you decide to go, why CHAPTER LIII. shouldn't you go in the same ship? You may help each other. Think of ANOTHER RETROSPECT. this now, Mr. and Mrs. Micawber. Take your time, and weigh it well." I MUST pause yet once again. O my " There is but one question, my dear child-wife, there is a figure in the movma'am, I could wish to ask," said Mrs. ing crowd before my memory, quiet and Micawber. "The climate, I believe, is still, saying in its innocent love and healthy." childish beauty, Stop to think of me, - "Finest in the world! " said my aunt. turn to look upon the little blossom, as "Just so," returned Mrs. Micawber. it flutters to the ground! "Then my question arises. Now are I do. All else grows dim, and fades the circumstances of the country such, away. I am again with Dora, in our that a man of Mr. Micawber's abilities cottage. I do not know how long she would have a fair chance of rising in has been ill. I am so used to it in feelthe social scale? I will not say, at pres- ing, that I cannot count the time. It is ent, might he aspire to be Governor, or not really long, in weeks or months; anything of that sort; but would there but, in my usage and experience, it is a be a reasonable opening for his talents weary, weary while. to develop themselves - that would be They have left off telling me to " wait amply sufficient —and find their own a few days more." I have begun to expansion?" fear, remotely, that the day may never "No better opening anywhere," said shine when I shall see my child-wife my aunt, "for a man who conducts running in the sunlight with her old himself well, and is industrious." friend Jip. "For a man who conducts himself He is, as it were suddenly, grown well," repeated Mrs. Micawber, with very old. It may be, that he misses in her clearest business manner, " and is his mistress something that enlivened industrious. Precisely. It is evident him and made him younger; but he to me that Australia is the legitimate mopes, and his sight is weak, and his sphere of action for Mr. Micawber!" limbs are feeble, and my aunt is sorry " I entertain the conviction, my dear that he objects to her no more, but madam," said Mr. Micawber, " that it creeps near her as he lies on Dora's is, under existing circumstances, the bed, - she sitting at the bedside, - and land, the only land, for myself and fam- mildly licks her hand. 432 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Dora lies smiling on us, and is beau- It is evening; and I sit in the same tiful, and utters no hasty or complain- chair, by the same bed, with the same ing word. She says that we are very face turned towards me. We have been good to her; that.her dear old careful silent, and there is a smile upon her boy is tiring himself out, she knows; face. I have ceased to carry my light that my aunt has no sleep, yet is al- burden up and down stairs now. She ways wakeful, active, and kind. Some- lies here all the day. times the little bird-like ladies come "Doady " to see her; and then we talk about " My dear Dora!" our wedding-day, and all that happy "You won't think what I am going time. to say unreasonable, after what you What a strange rest and pause in my told me, such a little while ago, of Mr. life there seems to be, - and in all life, Wickfield's not being well? I want to within doors and without, - when I sit see Agnes. Very much I want to see in the quiet, shaded, orderly room, with her." the blue eyes of my child-wife turned "I will write to her, my dear." towards me, and her little fingers twin- "Will you? " ing round my hand! Many and many "Directly." an hour I sit thus; but, of all those What a good, kind boy! Doady, times, three times come the freshest on take me on your arm. Indeed, my dear, my mind. it's not a whim. It's not a foolish fancy. I want very much indeed to It is morning; and Dora, made so see her!" trim by my aunt's hands, shows me how " I am certain of it. I have only to her pretty hair will curl upon the pillow tell her so, and she is sure to come." yet, and how long and bright it is, and "You are very lonely when you go how she likes to have it loosely gathered down stairs, now?" Dora whispers, in that net she wears. with her arm about my neck. "Not that I am vain of it, now, you "How can I be otherwise, my own' mocking boy," she says, when I smile; love, when I see your empty chair?" "but because you used to say you " My empty chair!" She clings to thought it so beautiful; and because, me for a little while, in silence. " And when I first began to think about you, you really miss me, Doady? " looking I used to peep in the glass, and wonder up, and brightly smiling. "Even poor, whether you would like very much to giddy, stupid me?" have a lock of it. 0, what a foolish " My heart, who is there upon earth fellow you were, Doady, when I gave that I could miss so much? " you one!" "0 husband! I am so glad, yet so "That was on the day when you were sorry!" creeping closer to me, and painting the flowers I had given you, folding me in both her arms. She Dora, and when I told you how much laughs and sobs, and then is quiet, and in love I was." quite happy. "Ah! but I did n't like to tell you," "Quite!" she says. "Only give says Dora, " then, how I had cried over Agnes my dear love, and tell her that I them, because I believed you really want very, very much to see her, and liked me! When I can run about I have nothing left to wish for."again as I used to do, Doady, let us go " Except to get well again, Dora." and see those places where we were "Ah, Doady! Sometimes I thinksuch a silly couple, shall we? And take you know I always was a silly little some of the old walks? And not forget thing! - that that will never be I " poor papa? " "Don't say so Dora! Dearest love, " Yes, we will, and have some happy don't think so! " days. So you must make haste to get " I won't, if I can help it, Doady. well, my dear." But I am very happy; though my dear " 0, I shall soon do that I I am so boy is so lonely by himself, before his much better, you don't know I" child-wife's empty chair I" OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 433 It is night; and I am with her still. of her curls. " Perhaps! But if I Agnes has arrived; has been among us had been more fit to be married, I might for a whole day and an evening. She, have made you more so, too. Besides, my aunt, and I have sat with Dora you are very clever, and I never was." since the morning, all together. We'"We have been very happy, my sweet have not talked much, but Dora has Dora." been perfectly contented and cheerful. " I was very happy, very. But, as We are now alone. years went on, my dear boy would have Do I know, now, that my child-wife wearied of his child-wife. She would will soon leave me? They have told have been less and less a companion me so; they have told me nothing new for him. He would have been more to my thoughts; but I am far from sure and more sensible of what was wanting that I have taken that truth to heart. in his home. She would n't have imI cannot master it. I have withdrawn proved. It is better as it is." by myself, many times to-day, to weep. " 0 Dora, dearest, dearest, do not I have remembered Who wept for a speak to me so. Every word seems a parting between the living and the reproach! " dead. I have bethought me of all that " No, not a syllable! " she answers, gracious and compassionate history. I kissing me. "O nmy dear, vou never have tried to resign myself, and to con- deserved it, and I loved you far too well, sole myself; and that, I hope, I may to say a reproachful word to you, in earhave done imperfectly; but what I can- nest —it was all the merit I had, exnot firmly settle in my mind is, that the cept being pretty- or you thought me end will absolutely come. I hold her so. Is it lonely down stairs, Doady?" hand in mine, I hold her heart in mine, "Very! Very!" I see her love for me alive in all its "Don't cry! Is my chair there?" strength. I cannot shut out a pale lin- " In its old place." gering shadow of belief that she will "0, how my poor boy cries! Hush, be spared. hush! Now, make me one promise. I " I am going to speak to you, Doady. want to speak to Agnes. When you go I am going to say something I have down stairs, tell Agnes so, and send her often thought of saying, lately. You up to me; and while I speak to her, let won't mind? " with a gentle look. no one come, - not even aunt. I want "Mind, my darling?" to speak to Agnes by herself. I want to "Because I don't know what you will speak to Agnes, quite alone." think, or what you may have thought I promise that she shall, immediatesometimes. Perhaps you have often ly; but I cannot leave her for my grief. thought the same. Doady, dear, I am "I said that it was better as it is!" afraid I was too young." she whispers, as she holds me in her I lay my face upon the pillow by her, arms. " Doady, after more years, you and she looks into my eyes, and speaks never could have loved your child-wife very softly. Gradually, as she goes on, better than you do; and after more years, I feel, with a stricken heart, that she is she would so have tried and disappointspeaking of herself as past. ed you, that you might not have been " I am afraid, dear, I was too young. able to love her half so well! I know I don't mean in years only, but in expe- I was too young and foolish. It is rience, and thoughts, and everything. much better as it is " I was such a silly little creature! I am afraid it would have been better, if we Agnes is down stairs, when I go into had only loved each other as a boy and the parlor; and I give her the message. girl, and forgotten it. I have begun to She disappears, leaving me alone with think I was not fit to be a wife." Jip. I try to stay my tears, and to reply, His Chinese house is by the fire; and " 0 Dora, love, as fit as I to be a hus- he lies within it, on his bed of flannel, band!" querulously trying to sleep. The bright'" I don't know," with the old shake moon is high and clear. As I look out 28 434 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE on the night, my tears fall fast, and my shock of my grief. It slowly grew to undisciplined heart is chastened heavily, that. If the events I go on to relate - heavily. had not thickened around me, in the I sit down by the fire, thinking with a beginning to confuse, and in the end to blind remorse of all those secret feelings augment, my affliction, it is possible I have nourished since my marriage. I (though I think not probable), that I think of every little trifle between me might have fallen at once into this conand Dora, and feel the truth, that tri- dition. As it was, an interval occurred fles make the sum of life. Ever ris- before I fully knew my own distress; ing from the sea of my remembrance an interval, in which I even supposed is the image of the dear child as I that its sharpest pangs were past; and knew her first, graced by my young when my mind could soothe itself by love, and by her own, with every fasci- resting on all that was most innocent nation wherein such love is rich. and beautiful in the tender story that Would it, indeed, have been better if was closed forever. we had loved each other as a boy and When it was first proposed that I girl, and forgotten it? Undisciplined should go abroad, or how it came to be heart, reply! agreed among us that I was to seek the How the time wears, I know not, un- restoration of my peace in change and til I am recalled by my child-wife's old travel, I do not, even now, distinctly companion. More restless than he was, know. The spirit of Agnes so pervaded he crawls out of his house, and looks at all we thought and said and did in me, and wanders to the door, and whines that time of sorrow, that I assume I to go up stairs. may refer the project to her influence. " Not to-night, Jip! Not to-night!" But her influence was so quiet that I He comes very slowly back to me, know no more. licks my hand, and lifts his dim eyes to And now, indeed, I began to think my face. that, in my old association of her with " O Jip! It may be, never again!" the stained-glass window in the church, He lies down at my feet, stretches a prophetic foreshadowing of what she himself out as if to sleep, and, with a would be to me, in the calamity that plaintive cry, is dead. was to happen in the fulness of time. "0 Agnes! Look, look here!" had found a way into my mind. In ali -That face, so full of pity and of that sorrow, from the moment, never tc grief, that rain of tears, that awful be forgotten, when she stood before me mute appeal to me, that solemn hand with her upraised hand, she was like a upraised towards Heaven sacred presence in my lonely house. "Agnes? " When the Angel of Death alighted It is over. Darkness comes before there, my child-wife fell asleep —they my eyes; and, for a time, all things are told me so when I could bear to hear it blotted out of my remembrance. - on her bosom, with a smile. From my swoon, I first awoke to a consciousness of her compassionate tears, hei words of hope and peace, her gentle CHAPTER LIV. face bending down as from a purei region nearer heaven, over my undisMR. MICAWBER'S TRANSACTIONS. ciplined heart, and softening its pain. Let me go on. THIS is not the time at which I am to I was to go abroad. That seemed to enter on the state of my mind beneath have been determined among us from its load of sorrow. I came to think that the first. The ground now covering all the Future was walled up before me, that could perish of my departed wife, that the energy and action of my life I waited only for what Mr. Mica-wbec were at an end, that I never could find called the "final pulverization of Heep," any refuge but in the grave. I came to and for the departure of the emigrants. think so, I say, but not in the first At the request of Traddles, mosi OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 435 affectionate and devoted of friends in difficult to obtain in that portion of our my trouble, we returned to Canterbury: colonial possessions where it will be I mean my aunt, Agnes, and I. We our lot to combat with the teeming proceeded by appointment straight to soil." Mr. Micawber's house; where, and at " Arrange it in any way you please, Mr. Wickfield's, my friend had been sir," said my aunt. laboring ever since our explosive meet- "Madam," he replied, "Mrs. Miing. When poor Mrs. Micawber saw cawber and myself are deeply sensible me come in, in my black clothes, she was of the very considerate kindness of our sensibly affected. There was a great friends and patrons. What I wish is, deal of good in Mrs. Micawber's heart, to be perfectly business-like, and perwhich had not been dunned out of it in fectly punctual. Turning over, as we all those many years. are about to turn over, an entirely new "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Micawber," leaf; and falling back, as we are now was my aunt's first salutation after we in the act of falling back, for a Spring were seated, "pray, have you thought of no common magnitude; it is imporabout that emigration proposal of tant to my sense of self-respect, besides mine? " being an example to my son, that these "My dear madam," returned Mr. arrangements should be concluded as Micawber, "perhaps I cannot better between man and man." express the conclusion at which Mrs. I don't know that Mr. Micawber Micawber, your humble servant, and, I attached any meaning to this last phrase; may add, our children, have jointly and I don't know that anybody ever does, severally arrived, than by borrowing the or did; but he appeared to relish it language of an illustrious poet to reply uncommonly, and repeated, with an that our Boat is on the shore, and our impressive cough, " as between man and Bark is on the sea." man." "That's right," said my aunt. "I "I propose," said Mr. Micawber, augur all sorts of good from your sensi- " Bills, - a convenience to the mercanble decision." tile world, for which, I believe, we are "Madam, you do us'a great deal of originally indebted to the Jews, who honor," he rejoined. He then referred appear to me to have had a devilish to a memorandum. "With respect to deal too much to do with them ever the pecuniary assistance enabling us to since, - because they are negotiable. launch our frail canoe on the ocean of But if a Bond, or any other description enterprise, I have reconsidered that of security, would be preferred, I should important'business-point, and would be happy to execute any such instrubeg to propose my notes of hand, — ment. Asbetween man and man." drawn, it is needless to stipulate, on My aunt observed, that in a case stamps of the amounts respectively re- where both parties were willing to luired by the various Acts of Parlia- agree to anything, she took it for ment applying to such securities,-at granted there would be no difficulty in sighteen, twenty-four, and thirty months. settling this point. Mr. Micawber was rhe proposition I originally submitted of her opinion. was twelve, eighteen, and twenty-four; "In reference to our domestic prep)ut I am apprehensive that such an arations, madam," said Mr. Micawber, arrangement might not allow sufficient with some pride, " for meeting the des-.ime for the requisite amount of- some- tiny to which we are now understood to.hing-to turn up. We might not," be self-devoted, I beg to report them. said Mr. Micawber, looking round the My eldest daughter attends at five ev-'oom as if it represented several hun- ery morning in a neighboring estabIred acres of highly cultivated land, lishment, to acquire the process - if'on the first responsibility becoming process it may be called —of milking lue, have been successful in our har- cows. My younger children are in/est, or we might not have got our har- structed to observe, as closely as cirrest in. Labor, I believe, is sometimes cumstances will permit, the habits of 436 PERSONA L HIS TORY AND.EXPERIENCE the pigs and poultry maintained in the "No doubt. Of course you have, poorer parts of this city; a pursuit from ma'am," said my aunt. which they have, on two occasions, been "Precisely so," assented Mrs. Mibrought home, within an inch of being cawber. "Now, I may be wrong in run over. I have myself directed some my conclusions; it is very likely that I attention, during the past week, to the am; but my individual impression is, that art of baking; and my son Wilkins has the gulf between my family and Mr. issued forth with a walking-stick and Micawber may be traced to an appredriven cattle, when permitted, by the hension, on the part of my family, that rugged hirelings who had them in Mr. Micawber would require pecuniary charge, to render any voluntary service accommodation. I cannot help thinkin that direction, -which I regret to say, ing," said Mrs. Micawber, with an air for the credit of our nature, was not of deep sagacity, "that there are memoften; he being generally warned with bers of my family who have been apimprecations to desist." prehensive that Mr. Micawber would "All very right indeed," said my aunt, solicit them for their names, - I do not encouragingly. "Mrs. Micawber has mean to be conferred in Baptism upon been busy, too, I have no doubt." our children, but to be inscribed on "My dear madam," returned Mrs. Bills of Exchange, and negotiated in Micawber, with her business-like air, the Money Market." " I am free to confess, that I have not The look of penetration with which been actively engaged in pursuits im- Mrs. Micawber announced this discovmediately connected with cultivation or ery, as if no one had ever thought of it with stock, though well aware that both before, seemed rather to astonish my will claim my attention on a foreign aunt, who abruptly replied, "Well shore. Such opportunities as I have ma'am, upon the whole, I shouldn't been enabled to alienate from my do- wonder if you were right!" mestic duties, I have devoted to corre- "Mr. Micawber being now on the eve spending at some length with my fami- of casting off the pecuniary shackles that ly. For I own it seems to me, my dear have so long enthralled him," said Mrs. Mr. Copperfield," said Mrs. Micawber, Micawber, " and of commencing a new who always fell back on me, I suppose career in a country where there is suffifrom old habit, to whomsoever else she cient range for his abilities, - which, in might address her discourse at starting, my opinion, is exceedingly important; "that the time is come when the past Mr. Micawber's abilities peculiarly reshould be buried in oblivion; when my quiring space, - it seems to me that my family should take Mr. Micawber by the family should signalize the occasion by hand, and Mr. Micawber should take my coming forward. What I could wish to family by the hand; when the lion should see, would be a meeting between Mr. lie down with the lamb, and my family Micawber and my family at a festive be on terms with Mr. Micawber." entertainment, to be given at my famI said I thought so too. ily's expense; where Mr. Micawber's "This, at least, is the light, my health and prosperity being proposed, dear Mr. Copperfield," pursued Mrs. by some leading member of my family, Micawber, "in which Iviewthe subject. Mr. Micawber might have an opportuWhen I lived at home with my papa nity of developing his views." and mamma, my papa was accustomed " My dear," said Mr. Micawber, to ask, when any point was under dis- with some heat, "it may be better for cussion in our limited circle,'In what me to state distinctly, at once, that if I light does my Emma view the subject?' were to develop my views to that asThat my papa was too partial, I know; sembled group, they would possibly be still, on such a point as the frigid cold- found of an offensive nature; my imness which has ever subsisted between pression being that your family are, in Mr. Micawber and my family, I neces- the aggregate, impertinent Snobs; and, sarily have formed an opinion, delusive in detail, unmitigated Ruffians." though it may be." "Micawber," said Mrs. Micawber, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 437 shaking her head, "no! You have and been absent until evening. Last never understood them, and they have night, Traddles, with this journey benever understood you." fore her, it was almost midnight before Mr. Micawber coughed. she came home. You know what her "They have never understood you, consideration for others is. She will Micawber," said his wife. "They may not tell me what has happened to disbe incapable of it. If so that is their tress her." misfortune. I can pity their mis- My aunt, very pale, and with deep fortune." lines in her face, sat immovable until I "I am extremely sorry, my dear had finished; when some stray tears Emma," said Mr. Micawber, relenting, found their way to her cheeks, and she "to have been betrayed into any ex- put her hand on mine. pressions that might, even remotely, "It's nothing, Trot; it's nothing. have the appearance of being strong There will be no more of it. You shall expressions. All I would say, is, that I know by and by. Now, Agnes, my can go abroad without your family com- dear, let us attend to these affairs." ing forward to favor me-in short, "I must do Mr. Micawber the juswith a parting Shove of their cold tice to say," Traddles began, "that, shoulders; and that, upon the whole, although he would appear not to have I would rather leave England with worked to any good account for himself, such impetus as I possess, than derive he is a most untiring man when he any acceleration of it from that quarter. works for other people. I never saw At the same time, my dear, if they such a fellow. If he always goes on in should condescend to reply to your the same way, he must be, virtually, communications, -which our joint ex- about two hundred years old, at present. perience renders most improbable, - The heat into which he has been confar be it from me to be a barrier to your tinually putting himself; and the diswishes." tracted and impetuous manner in which The matter being thus amicably set- he has been diving, day and night, tled, Mr. Micawber gave Mrs. Micaw- among papers and books; to say nothber his arm, and, glancing at the heap ing of the immense number of letters he of books and papers lying before Trad- has written me between this house and dies on the table, said they would leave Mr. Wickfield's, and often across the us to ourselves; which they ceremoni- table when he has been sitting opposite, ouslv did. and might much more easily have "My dear Copperfield," said Trad- spoken, is quite extraordinary." dies, leaning back in his chair when "Letters!" cried my aunt. "I bethey were gone, and looking at me with lieve he dreams in letters! " an affection that made his eyes red, and "-There's Mr. Dick, too," said Tradhis hair all kinds of shapes, "I don't dles, "has been doing wonders! As make any excuse for troubling you with soon as he was released from overlookbusiness, because I know you are deep- ing Uriah Heep, whom he kept in such ly interested in it, and it may divert your charge as I never saw exceeded, he bethoughts. My dear boy, I hope you gan to devote himself to Mr. Wickfield. are not worn out?" And really his anxiety to be of use in "I am quite myself," said I, after a the investigations we have been makpause. "We have more cause to think ing, and his real usefulness in extractaf my aunt than of any one. You know ing, and copying, and fetching, and how much she has done." carrying, have been quite stimulating to "Surely, surely," answered Traddles, us."' Who can forget it! " Dick is a very remarkable man," "But even that is not all," said I. exclaimed my aunt; "and I always said "During the last fortnight, some new he was. Trot, you know it! " trouble has vexed her; and she has "I am happy to say, Miss Wickfield," been in and out of London every day. pursued Traddles, at once with great Several times she has gone out early, delicacy and with great earnestness, 438 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "that in your absence Mr. Wickfield "I will not say that I recommend has considerably improved. Relieved it," observed Traddles. "I think it of the incubus that had fastened upon right to suggest it. No more." him for so long a time, and of the dread- " I am happy to hear you say so," anful apprehensions under which he had swered Agnes, steadily, "for it gives lived, he is hardly the same person. me hope, almost assurance, that we At times, even his impaired power of think alike. Dear Mr. Traddles and concentrating his memory and attention dear Trotwood, papa once free with on particular points of business has re- honor, what could I wish for! I have covered itself very much; and he has always aspired, if I could have released been able to assist us in making some him from the toils in which he was held, things clear, that we should have found to render back some little portion of the very difficult indeed, if not hopeless, love and care I owe him, and to devote without him. But what I have to do my life to him. It has been, for years, is to come to results, which are short the utmost height of my hopes. To enough, not to gossip on all the hope- take our future on myself, will be the ful circumstances I have observed, or I next great happiness - the next to his shall never have done." release from all trust and responsibility His natural manner and agreeable -that I can know." simplicity made it transparent that he " Have you thought how, Agnes?" said this to put us in good heart, and to " Often! I am not afraid, dear Trotenable Agnes to hear her father men- wood. I am certain of success. So tioned with greater confidence; but it many people know me here, and think was not the less pleasant for that. kindly of me, that I am certain. Don't " Now, let me see," said Traddles, mistrust me. Our wants are not many. looking among the papers on the table. If I rent the dear old house, and keep "Having counted our funds, and re- a school, I shall be useful and happy." duced fo order a great mass of uninten- The calm fervor of her cheerful voice tional confusion in the first place, and brought back so vividly, first the dear of wilful confusion and falsification in old house itself, and then my solitary the second, we take it to be clear that home, that my heart was too full for Mr. Wickfield might now wind up his speech. Traddles pretended for a little business, and his agency-trust, and ex- while to be busily looking among the hibit no deficiency or defalcation what- papers. ever." "Next, Miss Trotwood," said Trad" Oh, thank Heaven!" cried Agnes, dies, " that property of yours." fervently. "Well, sir," sighed my aunt. "All " But," said Traddles, " the surplus I have got to say about it, is, that if it's that would be left as his means of sup- gone, I can bear it; and if it's not port - and I suppose the house to be gone, I shall be glad to get it back." sold, even in saying this - would be so "It was originally, I think, eight small, not exceeding in all probability thousand pounds, Consols? " said Tradsome hundreds of pounds, that perhaps, dles. Miss Wickfield, it would be best to con- "Right! " replied my aunt. sider whether he might not retain his " I can't account for more than five," agency of the estate to which he has so said Traddles, with an air of perplexlong been receiver. His friends might ity. advise him you know; now he is free. "- Thousand, do you mean?" inYou yourself, Miss Wickfield - Cop- quired my aunt, with uncommon comperfield - I - " posure, "or pounds?" "I have considered it, Trotwood," " Five thousand pounds," said Tradsaid Agnes, looking to me, "and I feel dles. that it ought not to be, and must not "It was all there was," returned m be; even on the recommendation of aunt. " I sold three, myself. One, I a friend to whom I am so grateful, and paid for your articles, Trot, my dear; owe so much." and the other two I have by me. When OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 439 I lost the rest, I thought it wise to say " Why, the fact is," returned Tradnothing about that sum, but to keep it dies, "Mr. Micawber had so completely secretly for a rainy day. I wanted to hemmed him in, and was always ready see how you would come out of the with so many new points if an old one trial, Trot; and you came out nobly,- failed, that he could not escape from persevering, self-reliant, self-denying! us. A most remarkable circumstance So did Dick. Don't speak to me, for I is, that I really don't think he grasped find my nerves a little shaken " this sum even so much for the gratificaNobody would have thought so, to tion of his avarice, which was inordinate, see her sitting upright, with her arms as in the hatred he felt for Copperfield. folded; but she had wonderful self- He said so to me, plainly. He said he command. would even have spent as much, to balk - " Then I am delighted to say," cried or injure Copperfield." Traddles, beaming with joy, " that we "Ha!" said my aunt, knitting her have recovered the whole money! " brows thoughtfully, and glancing at " Don't congratulate me, anybody!" Agnes. "And what's become of him?" exclaimed my aunt. " How so, sir? " I don't know. He left here," said "You believed it had been mis- Traddles, "with his mother, who had appropriated, by Mr. Wickfield?" said been clamoring and beseeching and Traddles. disclosing, the whole time. They went "Of course I did," said my aunt, away by one of the London night "and was therefore easily silenced. coaches, and I know no more about Agnes, not a word! " him; except that his malevolence to "And indeed," said Traddles, "it me at parting was audacious. He was sold, by virtue of the power of seemed to consider himself hardly less management he held from you; but I indebted to me than to Mr. Micawber; need n't say by whom sold, or on whose which I consider (as I told him) quite actual signature. It was afterwards a compliment." pretended to Mr. Wickfield, by that "Do you suppose he has any money, rascal, - and proved, too, by figures, - Traddles? " I asked. that he had possessed himself of the "0 dear, yes, I should think so," he money (on general instructions, he said) replied, shaking his head, seriously. to keep other deficiencies and diffi- "I should say he must have pocketed culties from the light. Mr. Wickfield, a good deal, in one way or other. But, being so weak and helpless in his I think you would find, Copperfield, if hands as to pay you, afterwards, sev- you had an opportunity of observing eral sums of interest on a pretended his course, that money would never principal which he knew did not exist, keep that man out of mischief. He is made himself, unhappily, a party to the such an incarnate hypocrite, that whatfraud." ever object he pursues, he must pursue "And at last took the blame upon crookedly. It's his only compensation himself," added my aunt; " and wrote for the outward restraints he puts upon me a mad letter, charging himself with himself. Always creeping along the robbery, and wrong unheard of. Upon ground to some small end or other, which I paid him a visit early one he will always magnify every object in morning, called for a candle, burnt the the way; and consequently will hate letter, and told him if he ever could and suspect everybody that comes, in right me and himself, to do it; and if the most innocent manner, between he couldn't, to keep his own counsel him and it. So, the crooked courses for his daughter's sake. - If anybody will become crookeder, at any mospeaks to me, I'11 leave the house! " ment, for the least reason or for none. We all remained quiet; Agnes cover- It's only necessary to consider his hising her face. tory here," said Traddles, "to know "Well, my dear friend," said my that." aunt, after a pause, " and you have really " He's a monster of meanness I " said extorted the money back from him?" my aunt. 440 PERSONVAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "Really I don't know about that," ob- small sum in money, and the payment, served Traddles, thoughtfully. "Many without stipulation to Mr. Micawber, people can be very mean, when they of the Uriah claims as they came in. give their minds to it." We proposed that the family should " And now, touching Mr. Micawber," have their passage and their outfit, and said my aunt. a hundred pounds; and that Mr. Mi" Well, really," said Traddles, cheer- cawber's arrangement for the repayfully, " I must, once more, give Mr. Mi- ment of the advances should be gravecawber high praise. But for his having ly entered into, as it might be wholebeen so patient and persevering for so some for him to suppose himself under long a time, we never could have hoped that responsibility. To this, I added todo anything worth speaking of. And the suggestion, that I should give I think we ought to consider that Mr. some explanation of his character and Micawber did right, for right's sake, history to Mr. Peggotty, who I knew when we reflect what terms he might could be relied on; and that to Mr. have made with Uriah Heep himself, Peggotty should be quietly intrusted for his silence." the discretion of advancing another "I think so too," said I. hundred. I further proposed to inter" Now, what would you give him?" est Mr. Micawber in Mr. Peggotty, by inquired my aunt. confiding so much of Mr. Peggotty's "0, before you come to that," said story to him as I might feel justified Traddles, alittle disconcerted, "I am in relating, or might think expedient; afraid I thought it discreet to omit (not and to endeavor to bring each of them being able to carry everything before to bear upon the other, for the comme) two points, in making this lawless mon advantage. We all entered warmadjustment-for it's perfectly lawless ly into these views; and I may mention from beginning to end-of a difficult at once, that the principals themselves affair. Those I. O. U.'s, and so forth, did so, shortly afterwards, with perfect which Mr. Micawber gave him for the good-will and harmony. advances he had-" Seeing that Traddles now glanced " Well! They must be paid," said anxiously at my aunt again, I remindmy aunt. ed him of the second and last point "Yes, but I don't know when they to which he had adverted. maybe proceeded on, or where they are," " You and your aunt will excuse me, rejoined Traddles, opening his eyes; Copperfield, if I touch upon a painful "and I anticipate, that, between this theme, as I greatly fear I shall," said time and his departure, Mr. Micawber Traddles, hesitating; "but I think it will be constantly arrested, or taken in necessary to bring it to your recollecexecution." tion. On the day of Mr. Micawber's " Then he must be constantly set free memorable denunciation, a threatening again, and taern out of execution," said allusion was made by Uriah Heep to my aunt. "What's the amount alto- your aunt's-husband." gether?" My aunt, retaining her stiff position, " Why, Mr. Micawber has entered the and apparent composure, assented with transactions-he calls them transac- a nod. tions-with great form, in a book," "Perhaps," observed Traddles, "it rejoined Traddles, smiling; "and he was mere purposeless impertinence?" makes the amount a hundred and three " No," returned my aunt. pounds, five."' "There was-pardon me-really "Now, what shall we give him, that such a person, and at all in his powsum included?" said my aunt. "Agnes, er?" hinted Traddles. my dear, you and I can talk about divi- "Yes, my good friend," said my aunt. sion of it afterwards. Whatshould it be? Traddles, with a perceptible lengthen' Five hundred pounds?" ing of his face, explained that he had not Upon this, Traddles and I both struck been able to approach this subject; that in at once. We both recommended-a it had shared the fate of Mr. Micawber's OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 44x liabilities, in not being comprehended in their precious value, was a sight inthe terms he had made; that we were deed. no longer of any authority with Uriah "Now, the best thing you can do, Heep; and that if he could do us, or sir, if you will allow me to advise you," any of us, any injury or annoyance, no said my aunt, after silently observing doubt he would. him, " is to abjure that occupation forMy aunt remained quiet, until again evermore." some stray tears found their way to her " Madam," replied Mr. Micawber, "it cheeks. is my intention to register such a vow "You are quite right," she said. on the virgin page of the future. Mrs. "It was very thoughtful to mention it." Micawber will attest it. I trust," said "Can I - or Copperfield - do any- Mr. Micawber, solemnly, "that my thing? " asked Traddles, gently. son Wilkins will ever bear in mind, that " Nothing," said my aunt. "I thank he had infinitely better put his fist in you many times. Trot, my dear, a the fire, than use it to handle the servain threat! Let us have Mr. and pents that have poisoned the life-blood Mrs. Micawber back. And don't any of his unhappy parent! " Deeply afof you speak to me!" With that she fected, and changed in a moment to smoothed her dress, and sat, with her the image of despair, Mr. Micawber upright carriage, looking at the door. regarded the serpents with a look of "Well, Mr. and Mrs. Micawber!" gloomy abhorrence (in which his late said my aunt, when they entered. "We admiration of them was not quite subhave been discussing your emigration, dued), folded them up and put them in with many apologies to you for keeping his pocket. you out of the room so long; and I'11 This closed the proceedings of the tell you what arrangements we pro- evening. We were weary with sorrow pose." and fatigue, and my aunt and I were These she explained to the unbounded to return to London on the morrow. satisfaction of the family,-children It was arranged that the Micawbers and all being then present, -and so should follow us, after effecting a sale of much to the awakening of Mr. Micaw- their goods to a broker; that Mr. Wickber's punctual habits in the opening field's affairs should be brought to a stage of all bill transactions, that he settlement, with all convenient speed, could not be dissuaded from immediate- under the direction of Traddles; and ly rushing out, in the highest spirits, to that Agnes should also come to London, buy the stamps for his notes of hand. pending those arrangements. Wepassed But his joy received a sudden check; the night at the old house, which, freed for within five minutes, he returned in the from the presence of the Heeps, seemed custody of a sheriffs officer, informing purged of a disease; and I lay in my us, in a flood of tears, that all was lost. old room, like a shipwrecked wanderer We, being quite prepared for this event, come home. which was of course a proceeding of We went back next day to my aunt's Uriah Heep's, soon paid the money;.house, -not to mine; and when she and in five minutes more Mr. Micawber and I sat alone, as of old, before going was seated at the table, filling up the to bed,*she said, - stamps with an expression of perfect "Trot, do you really wish to know joy, which only that congenial employ- what I have had upon my mind latement, or the making of punch, could ly?" impart in full completeness to his "Indeed I do, aunt. If there ever shining face. To see him at work on was a time when I felt unwilling that the stamps, with the relish of an ar- you should have a sorrow or anxiety tist, touching them like pictures, look- which I could not share, it is now." ing at them sideways, taking weigh- "You have had sorrow enough, ty notes of dates and amounts in his child," said my aunt, affectionately, pocket-book, and contemplating them "without the addition of my little wlhen finished, with a high sense of miseries. I could have no other mo 443 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE tive, Trot, in keeping anything from " He was a fine-looking man when I you." married him, Trot —and he was sadly "I know that well," said I. "But changed!" tell me now." It did not last long. After the relief "Would you ride with me a little of tears, she soon became composed, way to-morrow morning?" asked my and even cheerful. Her nerves were a aunt. little shaken, she said, or she would not "Of course." have given way to it. God forgive us "At nine," said she. " I'11 tell you all! then, my dear." So we rode back to her little cottage At nine, accordingly, we went out in at Highgate, where we found the fola little chariot, and drove to London. lowing short note, which had arrived by We drove a long way through the streets, that morning's post from Mr. Micawuntil we came to one of the large hospi- ber: - tals. Standing hard by the building "CANTERBURY was a plain hearse. The driver recog- Friday. nized my aunt, and, in obedience to a "MY DEAR MADAM, AND COPPERmotion of her hand at the window, FIELD: - drove slowly off; we following. drove slowly off; we following. "The fair land of promise lately " You understand it now, Trot," said my aunt. " He is gone!" looming on the horizon is again envel"Did he die in the hospital?" oped in impenetrable mists, and forever "Yes. "withdrawn from the eyes of a drifting She sat immovable beside me; but wretch whose Doom is sealed l again I saw the stray tears on her face. "Another writ has been issued (in " He was there once before," said my HBs Benc s Htn Court of King's aunt presently. "He was ailing a long Bench at Westminster), in another cause time, - a shattered, broken man, these f HEEP v. MICAWBER, and the defendmany years. When he knew his state ant in that cause is the prey of the in this last illness, he asked them to sheriff having legal jurisdiction in this send for me. He was sorry then. Very bailiwick. sorry."' Now's the day, and now's the hour, " You went, I know, aunt." See the tront of battle lower, "I went. I was with him a good See approach proud EDWARD'S power, - Chains and slavery i' deal afterwards." " He died the night before we went Consigned to which, and to a speedy to Canterbury?" said I. end (for mental torture is not supportMy aunt nodded. "No one can able beyond a certain point, and that harm him now," she said. "It was a point I feel I have attained), my course vain threat." is run. Bless you, bless you! Some We drove away, out of town, to the future traveller, visiting, from motives churchyard at Hornsey. "Better here of curiosity, not unmingled, let us hope, than in the streets," said my aunt. with sympathy, the place of confinement "He was born here." allotted to debtors in this city, may, and We alighted; and followed the plain I trust will, Ponder, as he traces on its coffin to a corner I remember well, wall, inscribed with a rusty nail, where the service was read consigning "The obscure initials it to the dust. "W. M. " Six-and-thirty years ago, this day, my dear," said my aunt, as we walked "P. S. I reopen this to say that back to the chariot, " I was married. our common friend, Mr. Thomas TradGod forgive us all!" dles (who has not yet left us, and is We took our seats in silence; and so looking extremely well), has paid the she sat beside me for a long time, hold- debt and costs, in the noble name of ing my hand. At length she suddenly Miss Trotwood, and that myself and burst into tears, and said, - family are at the height of earthly bliss." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 443 CHAPTER LV. when I was last at Yarmouth, I wavered in the original purpose I had formed, of TEMPEST. leaving a letter for Emily when I should take leave of her uncle on board the I NOW approach an event in my life, ship, and thought it would be better to so indelible, so awful, so bound by an write to her now. She might desire, I infinite variety of ties to all that has pre- thought, after receiving my communicaceded it, in these pages, that, from the tion, to send some parting word by me beginning of my narrative, I have seen to her unhappy lover. I ought to give it growing larger and larger as I ad- her the opportunity. vanced, like a great tower in a plain, I therefore sat down in my room, and throwing its fore-cast shadow even before going to bed, and wrote to her. on the incidents of my childish days. I told her that I had seen him, and that For years after it occurred, I dreamed he had requested me to tell her what I of it often. I have started up so vividly have already written in its place in these impressed by it, that its fury has yet sheets. I faithfully repeated it. I had seemed raging in my quiet room, in the no need to enlarge upon it, if I had had still night. I dream of it sometimes, the right. Its deep fidelity and goodthough at lengthened and uncertain in- ness were not to be adorned by me or tervals, to this hour. I have an associa- any man. I left it out, to be sent round tion between it and a stormy wind, or in the morning; with a line to Mr. Pegthe lightest mention of a sea-shore, as gotty, requesting him to give it to her; strong as any of which my mind is con- and went to bed at daybreak. scious. As plainly as I behold what I was weaker than I knew then; and, happened, I will try to write it down. not falling asleep until the sun was up, I do not recall it, but see it done; for it lay late, and unrefreshed, next day. I happens again before me. was roused by the silent presence of my The time drawing on rapidly for the aunt at my bedside. I felt it in my sailing of the emigrant-ship, my good sleep, as I suppose we all do feel such old nurse (almost broken-hearted for me, things. when we first met) came up to London. "Trot, my dear," she said, when I I was constantly with her, and her opened my eyes, "I could n't make up brother and the Micawbers (they being my mind to disturb you. Mr. Peggotty very much together); but Emily I never is here; shall he come up?" saw. I replied yes, and he soon appeared. One evening when the time was close " Mas'r Davy," he said, when we had at hand, I was alone with Peggotty and shaken hands, " I giv Em'lyyour letter, her brother. Our conversation turned sir, and she writ this heer; and begged on Ham. She described to us how ten- of me fur to ask you to read it, and if derly he had taken leave of her and you see no hurt in't, to be so kind as how manfully and quietly he had borne take charge on't." himself. Most of all, of late, when she " Have ou read it?" said I. believed he was most tried. It was a He nodded sorrowfully. I opened it, subject ofwhich the affectionate creature and read as follows:never tired; and our interest in hearing the many examples which she, who was " I have got your message. 0, what so much with him, had to relate, was can I write, to thank you for your good equal to hers in relating them. and blessed kindness to me! My aunt and I were at that time va- " I have put the words close to my cating the two cottages at Highgate; I heart. I shall keep them till I die. intending to go abroad, and she to re- They are sharp thorns, but they are turn to her house at Dover. We had a such comfort. I have prayed over them, temporary lodging in Covent Garden. oh, I have prayed so much. When I find As I walked home to it, after this even- what you are, and what uncle is, I think ing's conversation, reflecting on what what God must be, and can cry to him. had passed between Ham and myself "Good by forever. Now, my dear, 444 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE my friend, good by forever in this as if, in a dread disturbance of the laws world. In another world, if I am for- of nature, she had lost her way and were given, I may wake a child, and come to frightened. There had been a wind all you. All thanks and blessings. Fare- day; and it was rising then, with an well, evermore." extraordinary great sound. In another hour it had much increased, and the This, blotted with tears, was the let- sky was more overcast, and it blew ter. hard. " May I tell her as you doen't see no But, as the night advanced, the clouds hurt in't, and as you'11 be so kind as closing in and densely overspreading take charge on't Mas'r Davy? " said the whole sky, then very dark, it came Mr. Peggotty, when I had read it. on to blow, harder and harder. It still "Unquestionably," said I - but I increased, until our horses could scarceam thinking-" ly face the wind. Many times, in the " Yes, Mas'r Davy?" dark part of the night (it was then late "I am thinking," said I, "that I'11 in September, when the nights were go down again to Yarmouth. There's not short), the leaders turned about, or time, and to spare, for me to go and came to a dead stop; and we were often come back before the ship sails. My in serious apprehension that the coach mind is constantly running on him, in would be blown over. Sweeping gusts his solitude. To put this letter of her of rain came up before this storm like writing in his hand at this time, and to showers of steel; and at those times, enable you to tell her, in the moment of when there was any shelter of trees or parting, that he has got it, will be a lee walls to be got, we were fain to stop, kindness to both of them. I solemnly in a sheer impossibility of continuing accepted his commission, dear good fel- the struggle. low, and cannot discharge it too com- When the day broke, it blew hardpletely. The journey is nothing to me. er and harder. I had been in YarI am restless, and shall be better in mouth when the seamen said it blew motion. I'11 go down to-night." great guns, but I had never known the Though he anxiously endeavored to like of this, or anything approaching to dissuade me, 1 saw that he was of my it. We came to Ipswich, -very late, mind; and this, if I had required to be having had to fight every inch of ground confirmed in my intention, would have since we were ten miles out of London; had the effect. He went round to the and found a cluster of people in the coach-office, at my request, and took market-place, who had risen from their the box-seat for me on the mail. In beds in the night, fearful of falling chimthe evening I started, by that convey- neys. Some of these, congregating ance, down the road I had traversed about the inn-yard while we changed under so many vicissitudes. horses, told us of great sheets of lead " Don't you think that," I asked the having been ripped off a high churchcoachman, in the first stage out of Lon- tower, and flung into a by-street, which don, "a very remarkable sky? I don't they then blocked up. Others had to remember to have seen one like it." tell of country people, coming in from "Nor I-not equal to it," he replied. neighboring villages, who had seen "That's wind, sir. There'11 be mis- great trees lying torn out of the earth, chief done at sea, I expect, before long." and whole ricks scattered about the It was a murky confusion -here and roads and fields. Still there was no there blotted with a color like the color abatement in the storm, but it blew of the smoke from damp fuel- of flying harder. clouds tossed up into most remarkable As we struggled on, nearer and nearheaps, suggesting greater heights in the er to the sea, from which this mighty clouds than there were depths below wind was blowing dead on shore, its them to the bottom of the deepest hol- force became more and more terrific. lows in the earth, through which the Long before we saw the sea, its spray wild moon seemed to plunge headlong, was on our lips, and showered salt rain OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 445 upon us. The water was out, over its purpose were to undermine the miles and miles of the flat country ad- earth. When some white-headed biljacent to Yarmouth; and every sheet lows thundered on, and dashed themand puddle lashed its banks, and had selves to pieces before they reached the its stress of little breakers setting heavi- land, every fragment of the late whole ly towards us. When we came within seemed possessed by the full might of sight of the sea, the waves on the hori- its wrath, rushing to be gathered to the zon, caught at intervals above the roll- composition of another monster. Uning abyss, were like glimpses of another dulating hills were changed to valleys: shore with towers and buildings. When undulating valleys (with a solitary at last we got into the town, the people storm-bird sometimes skimming through came out to their doors, all aslant, and them) were lifted up to hills; masses of with streaming hair, making a wonder water shivered and shook the beach of the mail that had come through such with a booming sound; every shape a night. tumultuously rolled on, as soon as I put up at the old inn, and went made, to change its shape and place, down to look at the sea; staggering and beat another shape and place along the street, which was strewn with away; the ideal shore on the horizon, sand and sea-weed, and with flying with its towers and buildings, rose and blotches of sea-foam; afraid of falling fell; the clouds flew fast and thick; I slates and tiles; and holding by people seemed to see a rending and upheaving I met at angry corners. Coming near of all nature. the beach, I saw, not only the boatmen, Not finding Ham among the people but half the people of the town, lurking whom this memorable wind-for it is behind buildings; some, now and then still remembered down there as the braving the fury of the storm to look greatest ever known to blow upon that away to sea, and blown sheer out of coast -had brought together, I made their course in trying to get zigzag my way to his house. It was shut; and back. as no one answered to my knocking, I Joining these groups, I found be- went, by back ways and by-lanes, to the wailing women whose husbands were yard where he worked. I learned, away in herring or oyster boats, which there, that he had gone to Lowestoft, there was too much reason to think to meet some sudden exigency of shipmight have foundered before they could repairing in which his skill was rerun in anywhere for safety. Grizzled quired; but that he would be back toold sailors were among the people, morrow morning, in good time. shaking their heads as they looked from I went back to the inn; and when I water to sky, and muttering to one an- had washed and dressed, and tried to other; shipowners, excited and uneasy; sleep, but in vain, it was five o'clock in children huddling together, and peering the afternoon. I had not sat five mininto older faces; even stout mariners, utes by the coffee-room fire, when the disturbed and anxious, levelling their waiter coming to stir it, as an excuse glasses at the sea from behind places of for talking, told me that two colliers shelter, as if they were surveying an had gone down, with all hands, a few enemy. miles away; and that some other ships The tremendous sea itself, when I had been seen laboring hard in the could find sufficient pause to look at it, Roads, and trying, in great distress, to in the agitation of the blinding wind, keep off shore. Mercy on them, and on the flying stones and sand, and the aw- all poor sailors, said he, if we had anful noise, confounded me. As the high other night like the last! watery walls came rolling in, and, at I was very much depressed in spirits; their highest, tumbled into surf, they very solitary; and felt an uneasiness in looked as if the least would ingulf the Ham's not being there, disproportiontown. As the receding wave swept ate to the occasion. I was seriously back with a hoarse roar, it seemed to affected, without knowing how much, scoop out deep caves in the beach, as if by late events; and my long exposure 446 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE to the fierce wind had confused me. answering to the storm without, tossed There was that jumble in my thoughts up the depths of my memory, and made and recollections, that I had lost the a tumult in them. Yet, in all the hurry clear arrangement of time and distance. of my thoughts, - wild running with the Thus, if I had gone out into the town, thundering sea,-the storm and my unI should not have been surprised, I easiness regarding Ham were always think, to encounter some one who I in the foreground. knew must be then in London. So to My dinner went away almost untastspeak, there was in these respects a ed, and I tried to refresh myself with a curious inattention in my mind. Yet glass or two of wine. In vain. I fell it was busy, too, with all the remem- into a dull slumber before the fire, withbrances the place naturally awakened; out losing my consciousness, either of and they were particularly distinct and the uproar out of doors, or of the place vivid. in which I was. Both became overIn this state, the waiter's dismal in- shadowed by a new and indefinable telligence about the ships immediately horror; and when I awoke, -or rather connected itself, without any effort of when I shook off the lethargy that my volition, with my uneasiness about bound me in my chair,- my whole Ham. I was persuaded that I had an frame thrilled with obiectless and uninapprehension of his returning from telligible fear. Lowestoft by sea, and being lost. This I walked to and fro, tried to read an grew so strong with me, that I resolved old gazetteer, listened to the awful to go back to the yard before I took my noises, looked at faces, scenes, and figdinner, and ask the boat-builder if he ures in the fire. At length, the steady thought his attempting to return by sea ticking of the undisturbed clock on the at all likely. If he gave me the least wall tormented me to that degree that reason to think so, I would go over to I resolved to go to bed. Lowestoft and prevent it by bringing It was reassuring, on such a night, him with me. to be told that some of the inn-servants I hastily ordered my dinner, and went had agreed together to sit up until back to the yard. I was none too soon; morning. I went to bed, exceedingly for the boat-builder, with a lantern in weary and heavy; but, on my lying his hand, was locking the yard-gate. down, all such sensations vanished, as He quite laughed, when I asked him if by magic, and I was broad awake, the question, and said there was no with every sense refined. fear; no man in his senses, or out of For hours I lay there, listening to the them, would put off in such a gale of wind and water; imagining, now, that wind, least of all Ham Peggotty, who I heard shrieks out at sea; now, that I had been born to seafaring. distinctly heard the firing of signalSo sensible of this, beforehand, that guns; and now, the fall of houses in I had really felt ashamed of doing what the town. I got up, several times, and I was nevertheless impelled to do, I looked out; but could see nothing, exwent back to the inn. If such a wind cept the reflection in the window-panes could rise, I think it was rising. The of the faint candle I had left burning, howl and roar, the rattling of the doors and of my own haggard face looking in and windows, the rumbling in the chim- at me from the black void. neys, the apparent rocking of the very At length, my restlessness attained to house that sheltered me, and the pro- such a pitch, that I hurried on my digious tumult of the sea, were more clothes, and went down stairs. In the fearful than in the morning. But there large kitchen, where I dimly saw bacon was now a great darkness besides; and and ropes of onions hanging from the that invested the storm with new terrors, beams, the watchers were clustered toreal and fanciful. gether, in various attitudes, about a taI could not eat, I could not sit still, ble, purposely moved away from the I could not continue steadfast to any- great chimney, and brought near the thing. Something within me, faintly door, A pretty girl, who had her ears OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 447 stopped with her apron, and her eyes ping a good many, and soon came faupon the door, screamed when I ap- cing the wild sea. peared, supposing me to be a spirit; The wind might by this time have but the others had more presence of lulled a little, though not more sensibly mind, and were glad of an addition to than if the cannonading I had dreamed their company. One man, referring to of had been diminished by the silenthe topic they had been discussing, cing of half a dozen guns out of hunasked me whether I thought the souls dreds. But the sea, having upon it the of the collier-crews who had gone down additional agitation of the whole night, were out in the storm. was infinitely more terrific than when I I remained there, I dare say, two had seen it last. Every appearance it hours. Once, I opened the yard-gate, had then presented bore the expression and looked into the empty street. The of being swelled; and the height to sand, the sea-weed, and the flakes of which the breakers rose, and looking foam were driving by, and 1 was over one another, bore one another obliged to call for assistance before I down, and rolled in, in interminable could shut the gate again, and make it hosts, was most appalling. fast against the wind. In the difficulty of hearing anything There was a dark gloom in my soli- but wind and waves, and in the crowd, tary chamber, when I at length returned and the unspeakable confusion, and my to it; but I was tired now, and, getting first breathless efforts to stand against into bed again, fell —off a tower and the weather, I was so confused that I down a precipice -into the depths of looked out to sea for the wreck, and sleep. I have an impression that for a saw nothing but the foaming heads of long time, though I dreamed of being the great waves. A half-dressed boatelsewhere and in a variety of scenes, it man, standing next me, pointed with was always blowing in my dream. At his bare arm (a tattooed arrow on it, length, I lost that feeble hold upon pointing in the same direction) to the reality, and was engaged with two dear left. Then, 0 great Heaven, I saw it, friends, but who they were I don't close in upon us! know, at the siege of some town in a One mast was broken short off, six or roar of cannonading. eight feet from the deck, and lay over The thunder of the cannon was so the side, entangled in a maze of sail and loud and incessant, that I could not rigging; and all that ruin, as the ship hear something I much desired to hear, rolled and beat, -which she did withuntil I made a great exertion and awoke. out a moment's pause, and with a vioIt was broad day, -eight or nine lence quite inconceivable, - beat the o'clock; the storm raging, in lieu of the side as if it would stave it in. Some batteries; and some one knocking and efforts were even then being made to calling at my door. cut this portion of the wreck away; for, "What is the matter? " I cried. as the ship, which was broadside on, "A wreck! Close by!" turned towards us in her rolling, I plainI sprung out of bed, and asked what ly descried her people at work with wreck. axes, especially one active figure with "A schooner, from Spain or Portu- long curling hair, conspicuous among gal, laden with fruit and wine. Make the rest. But a great cry, which was haste, sir, if you want to see her! It's audible even above the wind and water, thought, down on the beach, she'11 go rose from the shore at this moment; to pieces every moment." the sea, sweeping over the rolling wreck, The.excited voice went clamoring made a clean breach, and carried men, along the staircase; and I wrapped spars, casks, planks, bulwarks, heaps of myself in my clothes as quickly as I such toys, into the boiling surge. could, and ran into the street. The second mast was yet standing, Numbers of people were there before with the rags of a rent sail, and a wild me, all running in one direction, to the confusion of broken cordage flapping to beach. I ran the same way, outstrip- and fro. The ship had struck once, the 448 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE same boatman hoarsely said in my ear, both arms; and implored the men with and then lifted in and struck again. I whom I had been speaking, not to lisunderstood him to add that she was ten to him, not to do murder, not to let parting amidships, and I could readily him stir from off that sand! suppose so, for the rolling and beating Another cry arose on shore; and, were too tremendous for any human looking to the wreck, we saw the cruel work to suffer long. As he spoke, there sail, with blow on blow, beat off the was another great cry of pity from the lower of the two men, and fly up in tribeach; four men arose with the wreck umph round the active figure left alone out of the deep, clinging to the rigging upon the mast. of the remaining mast; uppermost, the Against such a sight, and against such active figure with the curling hair. determination as that of the calmly desThere was a bell on board; and as perate man who was already accustomed the ship rolled and dashed, like a des- to lead half the people present, I might perate creature driven mad, now show- as hopefully have entreated the wind. ing us the whole sweep of her deck, as " Mas'r Davy," he said, cheerily graspshe turned on her beam-ends towards ing me by both hands, "if my time is the shore, now nothing but her keel, as come,'t is come. If't ain't, I'11 bide it. she sprung wildly over and turned Lord above bless you, and bless all! towards the sea, the bell rang; and its Mates, make me ready! I'm a going sound, the knell of those unhappy men, off! " was borne towards us on the wind. I was swept away, but not unkindly, Again we lost her, and again she rose. to some distance, where the people Two men were gone. The agony on around me made me stay; urging, as I shore increased. Men groaned, and confusedly perceived, that he was bent clasped their hands; women shrieked, on going, with help or without, and that and turned away their faces. Some ran I should endanger the precautions for wildly upland down along the beach, his safety by troubling those with whom crying for help where no help could be. they rested. I don't know what I anI found myself one of these, frantically swered, or what they rejoined; but I imploring a knot of sailors whom I saw hurry on the beach, and men runknew, not to let those two lost creatures ning with ropes from a capstan that was perish before our eyes. there, and penetrating into a circle of They were making out to me in an figures that hid him from me. Then I agitated way- I don't know how, for saw him standing alone, in a seaman's the little I could hear I was scarcely frock and trousers, a rope in his hand, composed enough to understand - that or slung to his wrist, another round his the life-boat had been bravely manned body, and several of the best men holdan hour ago, and could do nothing; ing at a little distance to the latter, and that as no man would be so des- which he laid out himself, slack upon perate as to attempt to wade off with a the shore, at his feet. rope, and establish a communication The wreck, even to my unpractised with the shore, there was nothing left eye, was breaking up. I saw that she to try; when I noticed that some new was parting in the middle, and that the sensation moved the people on the life of the solitary man upon the mast beach, and saw them part, and Ham hung by a thread. Still, he clung to it. come breaking through them to the front. He had a singular red cap on, -not I ran to him -as well as I know, to like a sailor's cap, but of a finer color; repeat my appeal for help. But, dis-'and as the few yielding planks between tracted though I was, by a sight so new him and destruction rolled and bulged, to me and terrible, the determination in and his anticipative death-knell rung, his face, and his look out to sea, - ex- he was seen by all of us to wave it. I actly the same look as I remembered in saw him do it now, and thought I was connection with the morning after Emi- going distracted, when his action brought ly's flight, - awoke me to a knowledge an old remembrance to my mind of a of his danger. I held him back with once dear friend. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 449 Ham watched the sea, standing alone, recalled to me, was in his look. I asked with the silence of suspended breath him, terror-stricken, leaning on the arm behind him, and the storm before, until he held out to support me, - there was a great retiring wave, when, " Has a body come ashore?" with a backward glance at those who He said, " Yes." held the rope which was made fast " Do I know it? " I asked then. round his body, he dashed in after it, He answered nothing. and in a moment was buffeting with the But he led me to the shore. And on water; rising with the hills, falling with that part of it where she and I had the valleys, lost beneath the foam; looked for shells, two children, - on then drawn again to land. They hauled that part of it where some lighter fragin hastily. ments of the old boat, blown down last He was hurt. I saw blood on his night, had been scattered by the wind, face, from where I stood; but he took -among the ruins of the home he had no thought of that. He seemed hur- wronged, -I saw him lying with his riedly to give them some directions for head upon his arm, as I had often seen leaving him more free, -or so I judged him lie at school. from the motion of his arm, - and was gone as before. And now he made for the wreck, rising with the hills, falling with the val- CHAPTER LVI. leys, lost beneath the rugged foam, borne in towards the shore, borne on THE NEW WOUND, AND THE OLD. towards the ship, striving hard and valiantly. The distance was nothing, No need, 0 Steerforth, to have said, but the power of the sea and wind made when we last spoke together, in that the strife deadly. At length he neared hour which I so little deemed to be our the wreck. He was so near, that with parting-hour,-no need to have said, one more of his vigorous strokes he "Think of me at my best!" I had would be clinging to it, -when a high, done that ever; and could I change green, vast hillside of water, moving now, looking on this sight! on shoreward, from beyond the ship, he They brought a hand-bier, and laid seemed to leap up into it with a mighty him on it, and covered him with a flag, bound, and the ship was gone! and took him up and bore him on toSome eddying fragments I saw in the wards the houses. All the men who sea, as if a mere cask had been broken, carried him had known him, and gone in running to the spot where they were sailing with him, and seen him merry hauling in. Consternation was in every and bold. They carried him through face. They drew him to my very feet- the wild roar, a hush in the midst of all insensible -dead. He was carried to the tumult; and took him to the cotthe nearest house; and, no one prevent- tage where Death was already. ing me now, I remained near him, busy, But when they set the bier down on while every means of restoration were the threshold, they looked at one tried; but he had been beaten to death another, and at me, and whispered. by the great wave, and his generous I knew why. They felt as if it were heart was stilled forever. not right to lay him down in the same As I sat beside the bed, when hope quiet room. was abandoned and all was done, a fish- We went into the town, and took our erman, who had known me when Emily burden to the inn. So soon as I could and I were children, and ever since, at all collect my thoughts, I sent for whispered my name at the door. Joram, and begged him to provide me "Sir," said he, with tears starting to a conveyance in which it could be his weather-beaten face, which, with got to London in the night. I knew his trembling lips, was ashy pale, "will that the care ofit, and the hard duty of you come over yonder? " preparing his mother to receive it, could The old remembrance that had been only rest with me; and I was anxious 29 450 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE to discharge that duty as faithfully as I my card and say I waited, I sat down could. in the drawing-room (which we had I chose the night for the journey, now reached) until she should come that there might be less curiosity when back. Its former pleasant air of occuI left the town. But although it was pation was gone, and the shutters were nearly midnight when I came out of the half closed. The harp had not been yard in a chaise, followed by what I used for many and many a day. His had in charge, there were many people picture, as a boy, was there. The cabwaiting. At intervals, along the town, inet in which his mother had kept his and even a little way out upon the road, letters was there. I wondered if she I saw more; but at length only the ever read them now; if she would ever bleak night and the open country were read themn more I around me, and the ashes of my youth- The house was so still that I heard ful friendship. the girl's light step up stairs. On her Upon a mellow autumn day, about return, she brought a message, to the noon, when the ground was perfumed effect that Mrs. Steerforth was an invaby fallen leaves, and many more, in lid and could not come don; but that, beautiful tints of yellow, red, and brown, if I would excuse her being in her yet hung upon the trees, through which chamber, she would be glad to see me. the sun was shining, I arrived at High- In a few moments I stood before her. gate. I walked the last mile, thinking She was in his room; not in her own. as I went along, of what I had to do; I felt, of course, that she had taken to and left the carriage that had followed occupy it, in remembrance of him; and me all through the night, awaiting that the many tokens of his old sports orders to advance. and accomplishments by which she was The house, when I came up to it, surrounded remained there, just as he looked just the same. Not a blind was had left them, for the same reason. raised; no sign of life was in the dull She murmured, however, in her receppaved court, with its covered way lead- tion of me, that she was out of her own ing to the disused door.- The wind had chamber because its aspect was unquite gone down, and nothing moved. suited to her infirmity; and with her I had not, at first, the courage to ring stately look repelled the least suspicion at the gate; and when I did ring, my of the truth. errand seemed to me to be expressed in At her chair, as usual, was Rosa the very sound of the bell. The little Dartle. From the first moment of her parlor-maid came out, with the key in dark eyes resting on me, I saw she her hand; and looking earnestly at me knew I was the bearer of evil tidings. as she unlocked the gate, said, - The scar sprung into view that instant. " I beg your pardon, sir. Are you She withdrew herself a step behind the ill? " chair, to keep her own face out of Mrs. " I have been much agitated, and am Steerforth's observation, and scrutifatigued." nized me with a piercing gaze that never "Is anything the matter, sir?-Mr. faltered, never shrunk. James?-" "I am sorry to observe you are in "Hush!" said I. "Yes, something mourning, sir," said Mrs. Steerforth. has happened, that I have to break to " I am unhappily a widower," said I. Mrs. Steerforth. She is at home?" "You are very young to know so The girl anxiously replied that her great a loss," she returned. "I am mistress was very seldom out now, even grieved to hear it. I am grieved to hear in a carriage; that she kept her room; it. I hope Time will be good to you." that she saw no company, but would see "I hope Time," said I, looking at me. Her mistress was up, she said, her, "will be good to all of us. Dear and Miss Dartle was with her. What Mrs. Steerforth, we must all trust to message should she take up stairs? that, in our heaviest misfortunes." Giving her a strict charge to be care- The earnestness of my manner, and ful of her manner, and only to carry in the tears in my eyes, alarmed her. The OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 451 whole course of her thoughts appeared "Ay!" cried Rosa, smiting herself to stop, and change. passionately on the breast, "look at I tried to command my voice in gently me I Moan, and groan, and look at saying his name, but it trembled. She me I Look here!" striking the scar, repeated it to herself, two or three "at your dead child's handiwork " times, in a low tone. Then, address- The moan the mother uttered from ing me, she said, with enforced calm- time to time went to my heart. Always ness, - the same. Always inarticulate and " My son is ill." stifled. Always accompanied with an "Very ill." incapable motion of the head, but with'"You have seen him?" no change of face. Always proceeding "I have." from a rigid mouth and closed teeth, as " Are you reconciled?" if the jaw were locked and the face froI could not say Yes, I could nof say zen up in pain. No. She slightly turned her head to- "Do you remember when he did wards the spot where Rosa Dartle had this?" she proceeded. "Do you rebeen standing at her elbow, and in that member when, in his inheritance of moment I said, by the motion of my your nature, and in your pampering of lips, to Rosa, " Dead! " his pride and passion, he did this, and That Mrs. Steerforth might not be disfigured me for life? Look at me, induced to look behind her, and read, marked until I die with his high displainly written, what she was not yet pleasure; and moan and groan for what prepared to know, I met her look you made him! " quickly; but I had seen Rosa Dartle "Miss Dartle," I entreated her. throw her hands up in the air with "For Heaven's sake-" vehemence of despair and horror, and "I will speak!" she said, turning then clasp them on her face. on me with her lightning eyes. "Be The handsome lady -so like, O so silent, you! Look at me, I say, proud like! - regarded me with a fixed look, mother of a proud false son! Moan and put her hand to her forehead. I for your nurture of him, moan for your besought her to be calm, and prepare corruption of him, moan for your loss herself to bear what I had to tell; but of him, moan for mine! " I should rather have entreated her to She clenched her hand, and trembled weep, for'she sat like a stone figure. through her spare worn figure, as if her " When I was last here," I faltered, passion were killing her by inches. "Miss Dartle told me he was sailing " You resent his self-will! " she exhere and there. The night before last claimed. "You, injured by his haughwas a dreadful one at sea. If he were ty temper! You, who opposed to both, at sea that night, and near a dangerous when your hair was gray, the qualities coast, as it is said he was; and if the which made both when you gave him vessel that was seen should really be birth! You, who from his cradle reared the ship which -" him to be what he was, and stunted "Rosa!" said Mrs. Steerforth, " come what he should have'been! Are you reto me! " warded, now, for your years of trouble?" She came, but with no sympathy or " Miss Dartle, shame! O cruel! " gentleness. Her eyes gleamed like fire "I tell you," she returned, "I will as she confronted his mother, andbroke speak to her. No power on earth into a frightful laugh. should stop me, while I was standing "Now," she said, "is your pride here! Have I been silent all these appeased, you madwoman? Now has years, and shall I not speak now? I he made atonement to you -with his loved him better than you ever loved life! Do you hear?- His life!" him!" turning on her fiercely. "I Mrs. Steerforth, fallen back stiffly in could have loved him, and asked no her chair, and making no sound but a return. If I had been his wife, I could moan, cast her eyes upon her with a have been the slave of his caprices for wide stare. a word of love a year. I should have 452 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE been. Who knows it better than I? retorted. "She has sown this. Let You were exacting, proud, punctilious, her moan for the harvest that she reaps selfish. My love would have been de- to-day!" voted,- would have trod your paltry "And if his faults-" I began. whimpering under foot! " Faults! " she cried, bursting into With flashing eyes, she stamped upon passionate tears. "Who dares malign the ground as if she actually did it. him? He had a soul worth millions of " Look here!" she said, striking the the friends to whom he stooped! " scar again, with a relentless hand. "No one can have loved him better, " When he grew into the better under- no one can hold him in dearer rempmstanding of what he had done, he saw braace, than I," I replied. "I meant it, and repented of it! I could sing to to say4f you have no compassion for him, and talk to him, and show the ardor hi mother; or if his faults - you have that I felt in all he did, and attain with been bitter on them-" labor to such knowledge as most inter- "It's false," she cried, tearing her ested him; and I attracted him. When black hair; " I loved him! " he was freshest and truest, he loved me. "-Cannot," I went on, "be banYes, he did! Many a time, when you ished from your remembrance, in such were put off with a slight word, he has an hour; look at that figure, even as taken Me to his heart! " one you have never seen before, and renShe said it with a taunting pride in the der it some help!" midst of her frenzy, - for it was little All this time, the figure was unless, - yet with an eager remembrance changed, and looked unchangeable. of it, in which the smouldering embers Motionless, rigid, staring; moaning in of a gentler feeling kindled for the mo- the same dumb way from time to time, ment. with the same helpless motion of the "I descended-as I might have head; but giving no other sign of life. known I should, but that he fascinated Miss Dartle suddenly kneeled down me with his boyish courtship -into a before it, and began to loosen the dress. doll, a trifle for the occupation of an idle " A curse upon you!" she said, lookhour, to be dropped, and taken up, and ing round at me, with a mingled extrifled with as the inconstant humor pression of rage and grief. "It was in took him. When he grew weary, I an evil hour that you ever came here! grew weary. As his fancy died out, I A curse upon you! Go! " would no more have tried to strengthen After passing out of the room, I hurany power I had, than I would have ried back to ring the bell, the sooner to married him on his being forced to take alarm the servants. She had then tame for his wife. We fell awayfrom one ken the impassive figure in her arms, another without a-word. Perhaps you and, still upon her knees, was weeping saw it, and were not sorry. Since then, over it, kissing it, calling to it, rocking I have been a mere disfigured piece of it to and fro upon her bosom like a furniture between you both; having no child, and trying every tender means to eyes, no ears, no feelings, no remem- rouse the dormant senses. No longer brances. Moan? Moan for what you afraid of leaving her, I noiselessly turned made him; not for your love. I tell back again; and alarmed the house as you that the time was, when I loved I went out. him better than you ever did!" Latar in the day, I returned, and we She stood with her bright angry eyes laid him in his mother's room. She confronting the wide stare, and the set was just the same, they told me; Miss face; and softened no more, when the Dartle never left her; doctors were in moaning was repeated, than if the face attendance; many things had been had been a picture. tried; but she lay like a statue, except' Miss Dartle," said I, "if you can for the low sound now and then, be so obdurate as not to feel for this I went through the dreary house and afflicted mother-" darkened the windows. The windows "Who feels for me?" she sharply of the chamber where he lay I dark OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 453 ened last. I lifted up the leaden hand, die, and was secured behind at the and held it to my heart; and all the waist, in a strong knot. Miss Micawworld seemed death and silence, broken ber I found made snug for stormy only by his mother's moaning. weather, in the same manner, with nothing superfluous about her. Master Micawber was hardly visible in a Guernsey shirt, and the shaggiest suit CHAPTER LVII. of slops I ever saw; and the children were done up, like preserved meats, in THE EMIGRANTS. impervious cases. Both Mr. Micawber and his eldest son wore their sleeves ONE thing more I had to do, before loosely turned back at the wrists, as yielding myself to the shock of these being ready to lend a hand in any diemotions. It was, to conceal what had rection, and to "tumble up," or sing occurred from those who were going out, "Yeo - Heave - Yeo " on the away; and to dismiss them on their shortest notice. voyage in happy ignorance. In this, Thus Traddles and I found them at no time was to be lost. nightfall, assembled on the wooden I took Mr. Micawber aside that same steps at that time known as Hungernight, and confided to him the task of ford Stairs, watching the departure of a standing between Mr. Peggotty and in- boat with some of their property on telligence of the late catastrophe. He board. I had told Traddles of the terzealously undertook to do so, and to in- rible event, and it had greatly shocked tercept any newspaper through which it him; but there could be no doubt of might, without such precautions, reach the kindness of keeping it a secret, and him. he had come to help me in this last ser" If it penetrates to him, sir," said vice. It was here that I took Mr. MiMr. Micawber, striking himself on the cawber aside, and received his promise. breast, "it shall first pass through this The Micawber family were lodged body!" in a little, dirty, tumble-down publicMr. Micawber, I must observe, in his house, which in those days was close to adaptation-of himself to a new state of the stairs, and whose protruding wooden society, had acquired a bold, buccaneer- rooms overhung the river. The family, ing air, not absolutely lawless, but de- as emigrants, being objects of some fensive and prompt. One might have interest in and about Hungerford, atsupposed him a child of the wilderness, tracted so many beholders, that we were long accustomed to live out of the con- glad to take refuge in their room. It fines of civilization, and about to return was one of the wooden chambers up to his native wilds. stairs, with the tide flowing underneath. He had provided himself, among My aunt and Agnes were there, busily other things, with a complete suit of making some little extra comforts, in oil-skin, and a straw hat with a very the way of dress, for the children. low crown, pitched or calked on the out- Peggotty was quietly assisting, with the side. In this rough clothing, with a old insensible work-box, yard measure, common mariner's telescope under his and bit of wax-candle before her, that arm, and a shrewd trick of casting up had now outlived so much. his eye at the sky as looking oUt for It was not easy to answer her inquidirty weather, he was far more nautical, ries; still less to whisper Mr. Peggotty, after his manner, than Mr. Peggotty. when Mr. Micawber brought him in, His whole family, if I may so express that I had given the letter, and all was it, were cleared for action. I found well. But I did both, and made them Mrs. Micawber in the closest and most happy. If I showed any trace of what uncompromising of bonnets, made fast I felt, my own sorrows were sufficient under the chin; and in a shawl which to account for it. tied her up (as I had been tied up, when "And when does the ship sail, Mr. my aunt first received me) like a bun- Micawber? " asked my aunt. 4S4 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE Mr. Micawber considered it necessary which he wiped, not wholly without osto prepare either my aunt or his wife, tentation, on the sleeve of his coat. by degrees, and said, sooner than he Mrs. Micawber and the two elder memhad expected yesterday. bers of the family I now found to be "The boat brought you word, I sup- provided with similar formidable instrupose?" said my aunt. ments, while every child had its own " It did, ma'am," he returned. wooden spoon attached to its body by a "Well?" said my aunt. "And she strong line. In a similar anticipation sails-" of life afloat, and in the Bush, Mr. Mi"Madam," he replied, "I am in- cawber, instead of helping Mrs. Micawformed that we must positively be on her and his eldest son and daughter to board before seven to-morrow morn- punch, in wine-glasses, which he might ing." easily have done, for there was a shelf" Heyday!" said my aunt, "that's ful in the room, served it out to them soon. Is it a sea-going fact, Mr. Peg- in a series of villanous little tin pots; gotty" and I never saw him enjoy anything so "'T is so ma'am. She'11 drop down much as drinking out of his own particthe river with that theer tide. If Mas'r ular pint pot, and putting it in his pocket Davy and my sister comes aboard at at the close of the evening. Gravesen', arternoon o' next day, they "The luxuries of the old country,"'11 see the last on us." said Mr. Micawber, with an intense " And that we shall do," said I, "be satisfaction in their renouncement, "we sure!" abandon. The denizens of the forest " Until then, and until we are at sea," cannot, of course, expect to participate observed Mr. Micawber, with a glance in the refinements of the land of the of intelligence at me, "Mr. Peggotty Free." and myself will constantly keep a dou- Here a boy came in to say that Mr. ble lookout together, on our goods and Micawber was wanted down stairs. chattels. Emma, my love," said Mr. "I have a presentiment," said Mrs. Micawber, clearing his throat in his Micawber, setting down her tin pot, magnificent way, "my friend Mr. "that it is a member of my family " Thomas Traddles is so obliging as to " If so, my dear," observed Mr. Misolicit, in my ear, that he should have cawber, with his usual suddenness of the privilege of ordering the ingredients warmth on that subject, " as the member necessary to the composition of a mod- of your family —whoever he, she, or it erate portion of that Beverage which is may be - has kept us waiting for a conpeculiarly associated, in our minds, with siderable period, perhaps the Member the Roast Beef of Old England. I al- may now wait my convenience." lude to-in short, Punch. Under or- "Micawber," said his wife, in a low dinary circumstances, I should scruple tone, " at such a time as this-" to entreat the indulgence of Miss Trot- "' It is not meet,'" said Mr. Micawwood and Miss Wickfield, but -" ber, rising, "'that every nice offence " I can only say for nyself," said my should bear its comment!' Emma, I aunt, "that I will drink all happiness stand reproved." and success to you, Mr. Micawber, with "The loss, Micawber," observed his the utmost pleasure." wife" has been my family's, not yours. "And I too!" said Agnes, with a If 1i family are at length sensible of smile. the deprivation to which their own conMr. Micawber immediately descend- duct has, in the past, exposed them, ed to the bar, where he appeared to be and now desire to extend the hand of quite at home; and in due time re- fellowship, let it not be repulsed." turned with a steaming jug. I could "My dear," he returned, "so be it!" not but observe that he had been peel- " If not for their sakes, for mine, ing the lemons with his own clasp-knife, Micawber," said his wife. which, as became the knife of a practi- " Emma," he returned, "that view cal settler, was about a foot long; and of the question is, at such a moment, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 455 irresistible. I cannot, even now, dis- to select that sum which represented tinctly pledge myself to fall upon your the amount with compound interest to family's neck; but the member of your two years, fifteen calendar months, and family, who is now in attendance, shall fourteen days, from that date. For this have no genial warmth frozen by me." he had drawn a note-of-hand with great,Mr. Micawber withdrew, and was neatness, which he handed over to absent some little time, in the course of Traddles on the spot, a discharge of his which Mrs. Micawber was not wholly free debt in full (as between man and man), from an apprehension that words might with many acknowledgments. have arisen between him and the Mem- " I have still a presentiment," said ber. At length the same boy reap- Mrs. Micawber, pensively shaking her peared, and presented me with at note head, "that my family will appear on written in pencil, and headed, in a legal board, before we finally depart." manner, "Heepv. Micawber." From Mr. Micawber evidently had his this document I learned that Mr. Mi- presentiment on the subject too, but cawber, being again arrested, was in a lie put it in his tin pot and swallowed final paroxysm of despair; and that he it. begged me to send him his knife and " If you have any opportunity of sendpint pot, by bearer, as they might prove ing letters home, on your passage, Mrs. serviceable during the brief remainder Micawber," said my aunt, "you must of his existence, in jail. He also re- let us hear from you, you know." quested, as a last act of friendship, that " My dear Miss Trotwood," she reI would see his family to the Parish plied, "I shall only be too happy to Workhouse, and forget that such a Be- think that any one expects to hear ing ever lived. from us. I shall not fail to correspond. Of course I answered this note by Mr. Copperfield, I trust, as an old and going down with the boy to pa the familiar friend, will not object to receive money, where I found Mr. Micawber occasional intelligence, himself, from one sitting in a corner, looking darkly at who knew him when the twins were yet the Sheriff's Officer who had effected unconscious?" the capture. On his release, he em- I said that I should hope to hear, braced me with the utmost fervor; and whenever she had an opportunity of made an entry of the transaction in his writing. pocket-book, - being very particular, I " Please Heaven, there will be many recollect, about a halfpenny I inadver- such opportunities," said Mr. Micawtently omitted from my statement of the ber. "The ocean, in these times, is a total. perfect fleet of ships; and we can hardly This momentous pocket-book was a fail to encounter many, in running over. timely reminder to him of another trans- It is merely crossing," said Mr. Micawaction. On our return to the room up ber, trifling with his eye-glass, - "merestairs (where he accounted for his ab- ly crossing. The distance is quite imsence by saying that it had been occa- aginary." sioned by circumstances over which he I think now how odd it was, but how had no control), he took out of it a large wonderfully like Mr. Micawber, that, sheet of paper, folded small, and quite when he went from London to Cantercovered with long sums, carefully bury, he should have talked as if he worked. From the glimpse I had of were going to the farthest limits of the them, I should say that I never saw earth, and when he went from England such sums out of a school ciphering- to Australia, as if he were going for a book. These, it seemed, were calcula- little trip across the Channel. tions of compound interest on what he " On the voyage I shall endeavor," called "the principal amount of forty- said Mr. Micawber, "occasionally to one, ten, eleven and a half," for various spin them a yarn; and the melody of periods. After a careful consideration my son Wilkins will, I trust, be acceptof these, and an elaborate estimate of his able at the galley-fire. When Mrs. resources, he had come to the conclusion Micawber has her sea-legs on - an ex 456 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE pression in which I hope there is no Mr. Micawber sat in his elbow-chair, conventional impropriety -she will with his eyebrows raised; half receivgive them, I dare say, Little Tafflin. ing and half repudiating Mrs. MicawPorpoises and dolphins, I believe, will ber's views as they were stated, but very be frequently observed athwart our sensible of their foresight. Bows, and either on the Starboard or "My dear Mr. Copperfield," said the Larboard Quarter, objects of inter- Mrs. Micawber, " I wish Mr. Micawber est will be continually descried. In to feel his position. It appears to me short," said Mr. Micawber, with the highly important that Mr. Micawber old genteel air, "the probability is, all should, from the hour of his embarkawill be found so exciting alow and aloft, tion.feel his position. Your old lknowlthat when the look-out, stationed in the edg of me, my dear Mr. Copperfield, maintop, cries Land-ho! we shall be will have told you that I have not the very considerably astonished." sanguine disposition of Mr. Micawber. With that he flourished off the con- My disposition is, if I may say so, emitents of his little tin pot, as if he had nently practical. I know that this is made the voyage, and had passed a first- a long voyage. I know that it will inclass examination before the highest volve many privations and inconveniennaval authorities. ces. I cannot shut my eyes to those "What I chiefly hope, my dear Mr. facts. But I also know what Mr. MiCopperfield," said Mrs. Micawber, "is, cawber is. I know the latent power of that in some branches of our family we Mr. Micawber. And therefore I conmay live again in the old country. Do sider it vitally important that Mr. Minot frown, Micawber! I do not now cawber should feel his position." refer to my own family, but to our "My love," he observed, "perhaps children's children. However vigorous you will allow me to remark that it is the sapling," said Mrs. Micawber, barely possible that I do feel my posishaking her head, " I cannot forget the tion at the present moment." parent-tree; and when our race attains " I think not, Micawber," she reto eminence and fortune, I own I should joined. "Not fully. My dear Mr. wish that fortune to flow into the coffers Copperfield, Mr. Micawber's is not a of Britannia." common case. Mr. Micawber is going "My dear," said Mr. Micawber, to a distant country, expressly in order "Britannia must take her chance. I am that he may be fully understood and bound to say that she has never done appreciated for the first time. I wish much for me, and that I have no partic- Mr. Micawber to take his stand upon ular wish upon the subject." that vessel's prow, and firmly say,' This " Micawber," returned Mrs. Micaw- country I am come to conquer I Have ber, "there you are wrong. You are you honors? Have you riches? Have going out, Micawber, to this distant you posts of profitable pecuniary emolclime, to strengthen, not to weaken, ument? Let them be brought forward. the connection between yourself and They are mine!" Albion." Mr. Micawber, glancing at us all, "The connection in question, my seemed to think there was a good deal love," rejoined Mr. Micawber, "has in this idea. not laid me, I repeat, under that load of "I wish Mr. Micawber, if I make mypersonal obligation, that I am at all self understood," said Mrs. Micawber, sensitive as to the formation of another in her argumentative tone,' "to be the connection." Cesar of his own fortunes. That, my "Micawber," returned Mrs. Micaw- dear Mr. Copperfield, appears to me to ber. "There, I again say, you are be his true position. From the first wrong. You do not know your power, moment of this voyage, I wish Mr. MiMicawber. It is that which will cawber to stand upon that vessel's prow strengthen, even in this step you are and say,'Enough of delay; enough of about to take, the connection between disappointment: enough of limited yourself and Albion." means. That was in the old country. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 457 This is the new. Produce your repara- each to dip a wooden spoon into Mr. tion. Bring it forward!'" Micawber's pot, and pledge us in its Mr. Micawber folded his arms in a contents. When this was done, my resolute manner, as if he were then sta- aunt and Agnes rose, and parted from tioned on the figure-head. the emigrants. It was a sorrowful fare"And doing that," said Mrs. Micaw- well. They were all crying; the chilber, - " feeling his position, - am I not dren hung about Agnes to the last; and right in saying that Mr. Micawber will we left poor Mrs. Micawber in a very strengthen, and not weaken, his connec- distressed condition, sobbing and weeption with Britain? An important pub- ing by a dim candle, that must have lic character arising in that hemisphere, made the room look, from the river, shall I be told that its influence will not like a miserable lighthouse. be felt at home? Can I be so weak as I went down again next morning to to imagine that Mr. Micawber, wielding see that they were away. They had the rod of talent and of power in Aus- departed, in a boat, as early. as five tralia, will be nothing in England? I o'clock. It was a wonderful instance am but a woman; but I should be un- to me of the gap such partings make, worthy of myself, and of my papa, if I that, although my association of them were guilty of such absurd weakness." with the tumble-down public-house and Mrs. Micawber's conviction that her the wooden stairs dated only from last arguments were unanswerable gave a night, both seemed dreary and deserted, moral elevation to her tone which I now that they were gone. think I had never heard in it before. In the afternoon of the next day, my "And therefore it is," said Mrs. old nurse and I went down to GravesMicawber, "that I the more wish, that, end. We found the ship in the river, at a future period, we may live again on surrounded by a crowd of boats; a fathe parent soil. Mr. Micawber may be vorable wind blowing; the signal for - I cannot disguise from myself that sailing at her mast-head. I hired a the probability is, Mr. Micawber will boat directly, and we put off to her; be -a page of History; and he ought and getting through the little vortex of then to be represented in the country confusion of which she was the centre, which gave him birth, and did not give went on board. him employment!" Mr. Peggotty was waiting for us on " My love," observed Mr. Micawber, deck. He told me that Mr. Micawber "it is impossible for me not to be had just now been arrested again (and touched by your affection. I am al- for the last time) at the suit of Heep, ways willing to defer to your good sense. and that, in compliance with a request What will be - will be. Heaven forbid I had made to him, he had paid the that I should grudge my native country money; which I repaid him. He then any portion of the wealth that may be took us down between decks; and there, accumulated by our descendants!" any lingering fears I had of his having "That's well," said my aunt, nod- heard any rumors of what had happened ding towards Mr. Peggotty, "and I were dispelled by Mr. Micawber's comdrink my love to you all, and every ing out of the gloom, taking his arm blessing and success attend you I " with an air of friendship and protection, Mr. Peggotty put down the two and telling me that they had scarcely children he had been nursing, one on been asunder for a moment, since the each knee, to join Mr. and Mrs. Mi- night before last. cawber in drinking to all of us in return; It was such a strange scene to me, and when he and the Micawbers cor- and so confined and dark, that, at first, dially shook hands as comrades, and his I could make out hardly anything; but, brown face brightened with a smile, I by degrees, it cleared, as my eyes befelt that he would make his way, estab- came more accustomed to the gloom, lish a good name, and be beloved, go and I seemed to stand in a picture by where he would. OSTADE. Among the great beams, Even the children were instructed, bulks, and ringbolts of the ship, and the 458 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE emigrant-berths, and chests, and bun- I have loved and honored any man, I dies, and barrels, and heaps of miscel- loved and honored -that man in my laneous baggage, - lighted up, here and soul. there, by dangling lanterns; and else- The ship was clearing fast of stranwhere by the yellow daylight straying gers. The greatest trial that I had redown a windsail or a hatchway, - were mained. I told him what the noble crowded groups of people, making new spirit that was gone had given me in friendships, taking leave of one another, charge to say at parting. It moved him talking, laughing, crying, eating, and deeply. But when he charged me, in drinking; some, already settled down return, with many messages of affection into the possession of their few feet of and regret for those deaf ears, he moved space, with their little households ar- me more. ranged, and tiny children established The time was come. I embraced on stools, or in dwarf elbow-chairs; him, took my weeping nurse upon my others, despairing of a resting-place, arm, and hurried away. On deck, I and wandering disconsolately. From ba- took leave of poor Mrs. Micawber. She bies who had but a week or two of life was looking distractedly about for her behind them, to crooked old men and family, even then; and her last words to women who seemed to have but a week me were, that she never would desert or two of life before them; and from Mr. Micawber. ploughmen bodily carrying out soil of We went over the side into our boat, England on their boots, to smiths tak- and lay at a little distance to see the ing away samples of its soot and smoke ship wafted on her course. It was then upon their skins; every age and occu- calm, radiant sunset. She lay between pation appeared to be crammed into the us, and the red light; and every taper. narrow compass of the'tween decks. line and spar was visible against the As my eye glanced round this place, glow. A sight at once so beautiful, so I thought I saw sitting, by an open mournful, and so hopeful, as the gloriport, with one of the Micawber children ous ship, lying still on the flushed hear her, a figure like Emily's; it first water, with all the life on board her attracted my attention, by another figure crowded at the bulwarks, and there parting from it with a kiss; and as it clustering, for a moment, bareheaded glided calmly away through the disorder, and silent, I never saw. reminding me of-Agnes! But in the Silent, only for a moment. As the rapid motion and confusion, and in the sails rose to the wind, and the ship beunsettlement of my own thoughts, I gan to move, there broke from all the lost it again; and only knew that the boats three resounding cheers, which time was come when all visitors were those on board took up, and echoed being warned to leave the ship; that back, and which were echoed and remy nurse was crying on a chest beside echoed. My heart burst out when I me; and that Mrs. Gummidge, assisted heard the sound, and beheld the waving by some younger stooping woman in of the hats and handkerchiefs, -and black, was busily arranging Mr. Peg- then I saw her! gotty's goods. Then I saw her, at her uncle's side, "Is there any last wured, Mas'r and trembling on his shoulder. He Davy?" said he. "Is there any one pointed to us with an eager hand; and forgotten thing afore we part?" she saw us, and waved her last good" One thing!" said I. "Martha!" by to me. Ay, Emily, beautiful and He touched the younger woman I drooping, cling to him with the utmost have mentioned on the shoulder, and trust of thy bruised heart; for he has Martha stood before me. clung to thee with all the might of his " Heaven bless you, you good man!" great love! cried I. "You take her with you!" Surrounded by the rosy light, and She answered for him, with a burst of standing high upon the deck, apart totears. I could speak no more, at that nether, she clinging to him, and he time, but I wrung his hand; and if ever holding her, they solemnly passed OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 459 away. The night had fallen on the everywhere. I felt its whole weight Kentish hills when we were rowed now; and I drooped beneath it, and ashore, -and fallen darkly upon me. I said in my heart that it could never be lightened. When this despondency was at its worst, I believed that I should die. CHAPTER LVIII. Sometimes, I thought that I would like to die at home; and actually ABSENCE. turned back on my road, that I might get there soon. At other times, I IT was a long and gloomy night that passed on farther away, from city to gathered on me, haunted by the ghosts city, seeking I know not what, and of many hopes, of many dear remem- trying to leave I know not what bebrances, many errors, many unavailing hind. sorrows and regrets. It is not in my power to retrace, one I went away from England; not know- by one, all the weary phases of distress ing, even then, how great the shock was of mind through which I passed. There that I had to bear.' I left all who were are some dreams that can only be imperdear to me, and went away; and be- fectly and vaguely described; and when lieved that I had borne it, and it was I oblige myself to look back on this time past. As a man upon a field of battle of my life, I seem to be recalling such a will receive a mortal hurt, and scarce- dream. I see myself passing on among ly know that he is struck, so I, when the novelties of foreign towns, palaces, I was left alone with my undisciplined cathedrals, temples, pictures, castles, heart, had no conception of the wound tombs, fantastic streets, - the old abidwith which it had to strive. ing places of History and Fancy, -as The knowledge came upon me, not a dreamer might; bearing my painful quickly, but little by little, and grain load through all, and hardly conscious bv grain. The desolate feeling with of the Objects as they fade before me. which I went abroad deepened and ListlesSiess to everything but broodwidened hourly. At first it was a heavy ing sorrow was the night that fell on sense of loss and sorrow, wherein I could my undisciplined heart. Let me look distinguish little else. By impercepti- up from it - as at last I did, thank ble degrees, it became a hopeless con- Heaven!-and from its long, sad, sciousness of all that I had lost, - love, wretched dream, to dawn. friendship, interest; of all that had been For many months I travelled with this shattered, - my first trust, my first affec- ever-darkening cloud upon my mind. tion, the whole airy castle of my life; of Some blind reasons that I had for not all that remained, -a ruined blank and returning home -reasons then strugwaste, lying wide around me, unbroken gling within me, vainly, for more disto the dark horizon. tinct expression —kept me on my pilIf my grief were selfish, I did not know grimage. Sometimes, I had proceeded it to be so. I mourned for my child- restlessly from place to place, stopping wife, taken from her blooming world, so nowhere; sometimes, I had lingered young. I mourned for him who might long in one spot. I had had no purhave won the love and admiration of pose, no sustaining soul within me, thousands, as he had won mine long ago. anywhere. I mourned for the broken heart that had I was in Switzerland. I had come out found rest in the stormy sea, and for the of Italy, over one of the great passes of wandering remnants of the simple home, the Alps, and had since wandered with where I had heard the night-wind blow- a guide among the by-ways of the mouning when I was a child. tains. If those awful solitudes had spoFrom the accumulated sadness into ken to my heart, I did not know it. I which I fell, I had at length no hope of had found sublimity and wonder in the ever issuing again. I roamed from place dread heights and precipices, in the roarto place, carrying my burden with me ing torrents, and the wastes of ice and 460 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE snow; but as yet they had taught me time. Beyond a line or two, to say that nothing else. I was well, and had arrived at such a I came, one evening before sunset, place, I had not had fortitude or condown in a valley, where I was to rest. stancy to write a letter since I left In the course of my descent to it, by home. the winding track along the mountain- The packet was in my hand. I side, from which I saw it shining far opened it, and read the writing of below, I think some long unwonted Agnes. sense of beauty and tranquillity, some She was happy and useful, was prossoftening influence awakened by its pering as she had hoped. That was all peace, moved faintly in my breast. I she told me of herself The rest reremember pausing once, with a kind ferred to me. of sorrow that was not all oppressive, She gave me no advice; she urged not quite despairing. I remember al- no duty on me; she only told me, in most hoping that some better change her own fervent manner, what her trust was possible within me. in me was. She knew (she said) how I came into the valley, as the even- such a nature as mine would turn afing sun was shining on the remote fiction to good. She knew how trial heights of snow that closed it in, like and emotion would exalt and strengthen eternal clouds. The bases of the moun- it. She was sure that in my every purtains forming the gorge in which the pose I should gain a firmer and a highlittle village lay, were richly green; er tendency, through the grief I had and high above this gentler vegetation, undergone. She, who so gloried in my grew forests of dark fir; cleaving the fame, and so looked forward to its augwintry snow-drift, wedge-like, and stem- mentation, well knew that I would labor ming the avalanche. Above these were on. She knew that in me sorrow could range upon range of craggy steeps, gray not be weakness, but must be strength. rock, bright ice, and smooth Verdure- As the endurance of my childish days specks of pasture, all gradua blend- had done its part to make me what I ing with the crowning snow- Dotted was, so greater calamities would nerve here and there on the mountain's side, me on to be yet better than I was; each tiny dot a home, were lonely and so, as they had taught me, would I wooden cottages, so dwarfed by the teach others. She commended me to towering heights, that they appeared too God, who had taken my innocent darsmall for toys. So did even the clus- ling to his rest; and in her sisterly aftered village in the valley, with its fection cherished me always, and was wooden bridge across the stream, where always at my side, go where I would; the stream tumbled over broken racks, proud of what I had done, but infinitely and roared away among the trees. In prouder yet of what I was reserved to the quiet air there was a sound of dis- do. tant singing, - shepherd voices; but, I put the' letter in my breast,, and as one bright evening cloud'floated thought what had I been an hour ago! midway along the mountain's side, I When I heard the voices die away, and could almost have believed it came saw the quiet evening cloud grow di.;, from there, and was not earthly music, and all the colors in the valley fade, and All at once, in this serenity, great Na- the golden snow upon the mountainture spoke to me; and soothed me to tops become a remote part of the pale lay down my weary head upon the night sky, yet felt that the night was grass, and weep as I had not wept yet, passing from my mind, and all its shadsince Dora died! ows clearing, there was no name for the I had found a packet of letters await- love I bore her, dearer to me, henceing me but a few minutes before, and forward, than ever until then. had strolled out of the village to read I'read her letter, many times. I them while my supper was making wrote to her before I slept. I told her ready. Other packets had missed me, that I had been in sore need of her and I had received none for a long help; that without her I was not, and I OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 461 never had been, what she thought me; absence, - with one reservation. I but that she inspired me to be that, have made it, thus far, with no purpose and I would try. of suppressing any of my thoughts; for, I did try. In three months more, a as I have elsewhere said, this narrative year would have passed since the be- is my written memory. I have desired ginning of my sorrow. I determined to to keep the most secret current of my make no resolutions until the expiration mind apart, and to the last. I enter on of those three months, but to try. I it now. lived in that valley, and its neighbor- I cannot so completely penetrate the hood, all the time. mystery of my own heart, as to know The three months gone, I resolved to when I began to think that I might remain away from home for some time have set its earliest and brightest hopes longer; to settle myself for the present on Agnes. I cannot say at what stage in Switzerland, which was growing dear of my grief it first became associated to me in the remembrance of that even- with the reflection, that, in my wayward ing; to resume my pen; to work. boyhood, I had thrown away the treasI resorted humbly whither Agnes had ure of her love. I believe I may have commended me; I sought out Nature, heard some whisper of that distant never sought in vain; and I admitted thought, in the old unhappy loss or to my breast the human interest I had want of something never to be realized, lately shrunk from. It was not long of which I had been sensible. But the before I had almost as many friends in thought came into my mind as a new the valley as in Yarmouth; and when I reproach and new regret, when I was left it, before the winter set in, for Ge- left so sad and lonely in the world. neva, and came back in the spring, their If, at that time, I had been much with cordial greetings had a homely sound to her, I should, in the weakness of my me, although they were not conveyed in desolation, have betrayed this. It was English words. what I remotely dreaded when I was I worked early and late, patiently and first impelled to stay away from Enghard. I wrote a Story, with a purpose land. I could not have borne to lose growing, not remotely, out of my expe- the smallest portion of her sisterly affecrience, and sent it to Traddles, and he tion; yet, in that betrayal, I should.arranged for its publication very advan- have set a constraint between us hithtageously for me; and the tidings of my erto unknown. growing reputation began to reach me I could not forget that the feeling from travellers whom I encountered by with which she now regarded me had chance. After some rest and change I grown up in my own free choice and fell to work, in my old ardent way, on a course. That if she had ever loved new fancy, which took strong possession me With another love, -and I someof me. As I advanced in the execu- times thought the time was when she tion of this task, I felt it more and might have done so, -I had cast it more, and roused my utm6st energies away. It was nothing, now, that I had to do it well. This was my third work accustomed myself to think of her, of fiction. It was not half written, when when we both were children, as one in an interval of rest I thought of re- who was far removed from my wild fanturning home. cies. I had bestowed my passionate For a long time, though studying and tenderness upon another object; and working patiently, I had accustomed what I might have done, I had not myself to robust exercise. Mv health, done; and what Agnes was to me, I severely impaired when I left England, and her own noble heart had made was quite restored. I had seen much. her. I had been in many countries, and I In the beginning of the change that hope I had improved my store of gradually worked in me, when I tried to knowledge. get a better understanding of myself I have now recalled all that I think it and be a better man, I did glance, needful to recall here, of this term of through some indefinite probation, to 462 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE a period when I might possibly hope to my defects and errors. Thus, through cancel the mistaken past, and to be so the reflection that it might have been, I blessed as to marry her. But, as time arrived at the conviction that it could wore on, this shadowy prospect faded, never be. and departed from me. If she had ever These, with their perplexities and inloved me, then I should hold her the consistencies, were the shifting quickmore sacred, remembering the confi- sands of my mind, from the time of my dences I had reposed in her, her knowl- departure to the time of my return edge of my errant heart, the sacrifice home, three years afterwards. Three she must have made to be my friend years had elapsed since the sailing of and sister, and the victory she had won. the emigrant ship; when, at that same If she had never loved me, could I be- hour of sunset, and in the same place, lieve that she would love me now? I stood on the deck of the packet-yesI had always felt my weakness, in sel that brought me home, looking on comparison with her constancy and for- the rosy water where I had seen the titude; and now I felt it more and image of that ship reflected. more. Whatever I might have been to Three years. Long in the aggregate, her, or she to me, if I had been more though short as they went by. And worthy of her long ago, I was not now, home was very dear to me, and Agnes and she was not. The time was past. too; but she was not mine: she was I had let it go by, and had deservedly never to be mine. She might have lost her. been, but that was past! That I suffered much in these contentions, that they filled me with unhappiness and remorse, and yet that I had a sustaining sense that it was required of CHAPTER LIX. me, in right and honor, to keep away from myself, with shame, the thought of RETURN. turning to the dear girl in the withering of my hopes, from whom I had frivolous- I LANDED in London on a wintry ly turned when they were bright and autumn evening. It was dark and fresh, - which consideration was at the raining, and I saw more fog and mud in root of every thought I had concerning a minute than I had seen in a year. I her,-is all equally true. I made no walked from the Custom-House to the effort to conceal from myself, now, that Monument before I found a coach; and I loved her, that I was devoted to her; although the very house-fronts, looking but I brought the assurance home to on the swollen gutters, were like old myself, that it was now too late, and that friends to me, I could not but admit our long-subsisting relation must be that they were very dingy friends. undisturbed. I have often remarked -I suppose I had thought, much and often, of everybody has - that one's going away my Dora's shadowing out to me what from a familiar place would seem to be might have happened in those years the signal for change in it. As I looked that were destined not to try us. I had out of the coach-window, and observed considered how the things that never that an old house on Fish Street Hill, happen are often as much realities to which had stood untouched by painter, us, in their effects, as those that are ac- carpenter, or bricklayer, for a century, complished. The very years she spoke had been pulled down in my absence; of were realities now, for my correc- and that a neighboring street, of timetion; and would have been, one day, a honored insalubrity and inconvenience, little later perhaps, though we had part- was being drained and widened; I half ed in our earliest folly. I endeavored expected to find St. Paul's Cathedral to convert what might have been be- looking older. tween myself and Agnes into a means For some changes in the fortunes of of making me more self-denying, more my friends, I was prepared. My aunt resolved, more conscious of myself, and had long been re-established at Dover, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 463 and Traddles had begun to get into the portentous waiter, fixing his eyes some little practice at the Bar, in the severely on me. "How long has he very first term after my departure. He been in the Inn?" had chambers in Gray's Inn, now, and "Not above three years," said I. had told me, in his last letters, that he The waiter, who I supposed had was not without hopes of being soon lived in his churchwarden's pew for united to the dearest girl in the world. forty years, could not pursue such an They expected me home before insignificant subject. He asked me Christmas; but had no idea of my re- what I would have for dinner? turning so soon. I had purposely mis- I felt I was in England again, and led them, that I might have the pleas- really was quite cast down on Traddles's ure of taking them by surprise. And account. There seemed to be no hope yet, I was perverse enough to feel a for him. I meekly ordered a bit of chill and disappointment in receiving fish and a steak, and stood before the no welcome, and rattling, alone and fire musing on his obscurity. silent, through the misty streets. As I followed the chief waiter with The well-known shops, however, with my eyes, I could not help thinking that their cheerful lights, did something for the garden in which he had gradually me; and when I alighted at the door of blown to be the flower he was, was an the Gray's Inn Coffee-house, I had re- arduous place to rise in. It had such covered my spirits. It recalled, at first, a prescriptive, stiff-necked, long-estabthat so-different time, when I had put lished, solemn, elderly air. I glanced up at the Golden Cross, and reminded about the room which had had its me of the changes that had come to sanded floor sanded, no -doubt, in expass since then; but that was natural. actly the same manner when the chief "Do you know where Mr. Traddles waiter was a boy-if he ever was a boy, lives in the Inn?" I asked the waiter as which appeared improbable; and at the I warmed myself by the coffee-room fire. shining tables, where I saw myself re" Holborn Court, sir. Number two." flected, in unruffled depths of old ma" Mr. Traddles has a rising reputation hogany; and at the lamps, without a among the lawyers, I believe," said I. flaw in their trimming or cleaning; and "Well, sir,'' returned the waiter, at the comfortable green curtains, with "probably he has, sir; but I am not their pure brass rods, snugly enclosing aware of it myself" the boxes; and at the two large coalThis waiter, whb was middle-aged fires, brightly burning; and at the rows and spare, looked for help to a waiter of decanters, burly as if with the conof more authority, —a stout, potential sciousness of pipes of expensive old old man, with a double-chin, in black port wine below; and both England breeches and stockings, who came out and the law appeared to me to be of a place like a churchwarden's pew, very'difficult indeed to be taken by at the end of the coffee-room, where he storm. I went up to my bedroom kept company with a cash-box, a Direc- to change my wet clothes; and the vast tory, a Law-list, and other books and extent of that old wainscoted apartpapers. ment (which was over the archway'Mr. Traddles," said the spare wait- leading to the Inn, I remember), and er. "Number two in the Court." the sedate immensity of the four-post The potential waiter waived him beadstead, and the indomitable gravity away, and turned, gravely, to me. of the chests of drawers, all seemed to " I was inquiring," said I, "whether unite in sternly frowning on the fortunes Mr. Traddles, at number two in the of Traddles, or on any such daring Court, has not a rising reputation youth. I came down again to my among the lawyers?" dinner; and even the slow comfort of " Never heard his name," said the the meal, and the orderly silence of the waiter, in a rich, husky voice. place, - which was bare of guests, the I felt quite apologetic for Traddles. Long Vacation not yet being over, - " He's a young man,. sure?" said were eloquent on the audacity of Trad 464 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE dies, and his small hopes of a livelihood scuffling within ensued, but nothing for twenty years to come. else. I therefore knocked again. I had seen nothing like this since I A small sharp-looking lad, half-footwent away, and it quite dashed my boy and half-clerk, who was very much hopes for my friend. The chief waiter out of breath, but who looked at me as had had enough of me. He came near if he defied me to prove it legally, preme no more; but devoted himself to an sented himself. old gentleman in long gaiters, to meet " Is Mr. Traddles within? " I said. whom a pint of special port seemed "Yes, sir, but he's engaged." to come out of the cellar of its own ac- " I want to see him." cord, for he gave no order. The second After a moment's survey of me, the waiter informed me, in a whisper, that sharp-looking lad decided to let me in this old- gentleman was a retired con- and opening the door wider for that veyancer living in the Square and purpose, admitted me, first, into alittle worth a mint of money, which it was closet of a hall, and next into a little expected he would leave to his laun- sitting-room; where I came into the dress's daughter; likewise that it was presence of my old friend (also out of rumored that he had a service of breath), seated at a table, and bending plate in a bureau, all tarnished with ly- over papers. ing by, though more than one spoon " Good God! " cried Traddles, lookand a fork had never yet been beheld ing up. "It's Copperfield! " and in his chambers by mortal vision. By rushed into my arms, where I held him this time, I quite gave Traddles up for tight. lost, and settled in my own mind that " All well, my dear Traddles?" there was no hope for him. "All well, my dear, dear Copperfield, Being very anxious to see the dear and nothing but good news! " old fellow, nevertheless, I despatched We cried with pleasure, both of us. my dinner, in a manner not at all cal- "My dear fellow," said Traddles, culated to raise me in the opinion of rumpling his hair in his excitement, the chief waiter, and hurried out by the which was a most unnecessary operaback way. Number two in the Court tion, "my dearest Copperfield, my longwas soon reached; and an inscription lost and most welcome friend, how glad on the door-post informing me that Mr. I am to see you! How brown you are! Traddles occupied a set of chambers on How glad I am! Upon my life and the top story, I ascended the staircase. honor, I never was so rejoiced, my beA crazy old staircase I found it to be, loved Copperfield, never!" feebly lighted on each landing by a I was equally at a loss to express my club-headed little oil wick, dying away emotions. I was quite unable to speak, in a little dungeon of dirty glass. at first. In the course of my stumbling up "My dear fellow!" said Traddles. stairs, I fancied I heard a pleasant "And grown so famous! My glorious sound of laughter; and not the laugh- Copperfield! Good gracious me, when ter of an attorney or barrister, or attor- did you come, where have you come ney's clerk or barrister's clerk, but of from, what have you been doing? " two or three merry girls. Happening, Never pausing for an answer to anyhowever, as I stopped to listen, to put thing he said, Traddles, who had my foot in a hole where the Honorable clapped me into an easy-chair by the Society of Gray's Inn had left a plank fire, all this time impetuously stirred deficient, I fell down with some noise, the fire with one hand, and pulled at and when I recovered my footing all my neckerchief with the other, under was silent. some wild delusion that it was a greatGroping my way more carefully, for coat. Without putting down the poker, the rest of the journey, my heart beat he now hugged me again; and I hugged high when I found the outer door, him; and, both laughing, and both which had MR. TRADDLES painted on wiping our eyes, we both sat down, and it, open. I knocked. A considerable shook hands across the hearth. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 465 "To think," said Traddles, "that professional if they were seen by a you should have been so nearly coming client, they decamped. And they are home as you must have been, my dear now- listening, I have no doubt," said old boy, and not at the ceremony!" Traddles, glancing at the door of another "What ceremony, my dear Trad- room. dies? " "I am sorry," said I, laughing afresh, " Good gracious me!" cried Trad- "to have occasioned such a dispersion." dies, opening his eyes in his old way. " Upon my word," rejoined Traddles, "Did n't you get my last letter? " greatly delighted, "if you had seen " Certainly not, if it referred to any them running away, and running back ceremony." again, after you had knocked, to pick "Why, my dear Copperfield," said up the combs they had dropped out of Traddles, sticking his hair upright with their hair, and going on in the maddest both hands, and then putting his hands manner, you wouldn't have said so. on his knees, " I am married!" My love, will you fetch the girls?" "Married 1" I cried joyfully. Sophy tripped away, and we heard "Lord bless me, yes!" said Trad- her received in the adjoining room with dies -" by the Rev. Horace - to a peal of laughter. Sophy-down in Devonshire. Why, "Really musical, isn't it, my dear my dear boy, she's behind the window- Copperfield?" said Traddles. "It's curtain! Look here!" very agreeable to hear. It quite lights To my amazement, the dearest girl in up these old rooms. To an unfortunate the world came at that same instant, bachelor of a fellow who has lived alone laughing and blushing, from her place all his life, you know, it's positively of concealment. And a more cheerful delicious. It's charming. Poor things, amiable, honest, happy, bright-looking they have had a great loss in Sophy, - bride, I believe (as I could not help who, I do assure you, Copperfield, is, saying on the spot), the world never and ever was, the dearest girl - and saw. I kissed her as an old acquaint- it gratifies me beyond expression to find ance should, and wished them joy with them in'such good spirits. The society all my might of heart. of girls is a very delightful thing, Cop" Dear me," said Traddles, "what a perfield. It's not professional, but it's delightful reunion this is! You are so very delightful." extremely brown, my dear Copperfield! Observing that he slightly faltered, God bless my soul, how happy I am!" and comprehending that in the good" And so am I," said I. ness of his heart he was fearful of giving "And I am sure I am!" said the me some pain by what he had said, I blushing and laughing Sophy. expressed my concurrence with a hearti" We are all as happy as possible!" ness that evidently relieved and pleased said Traddles. "Even the girls are him greatly. happy. Dear me, I declare I forgot "But then," said Traddles, "our them!" domestic arrangements are, to say the "Forgot?" said I. truth, quite unprofessional altogether, "The girls," said Traddles. "So- my dear Copperfield. Even Sophy's phy's sisters. They are staying with us. being here is unprofessional. And we They have come to have a peep at have no other place of, abode. We London. The fact is, when- was it have put to sea in a cockboat, but we you that tumbled up stairs, Copper- are quite prepared to rough it. And field?" Sophy's an extraordinary manager! " It was," said I, laughing. You'11 be surprised how those girls are " Well then, when you tumbled up stowed away. I am sure I hardly know stairs," said Traddles, " I was romping how it's done." with the girls. In point of fact, we " Are many of the young ladies with were playing at Puss in the Corner. you? " I inquired. But as that wouldn't do in Westminster "The eldest, the Beauty, is here," Hall, and as it wouldn't look quite said Traddles, in a low, confidential 30 466 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE voice, "Caroline. And Sarah's here, WIGZELL, which did me great service - the one I mentioned to you as having with the profession, I went down into something the matter with her spine, Devonshire, and had some serious conyou know. Immensely better! And versation in private with the Reverend the two youngest that Sophy educated Horace. I dwelt upon the fact that are with us. And Louisa's here." Sophy, -who I do assure you, Cop" Indeed! " cried I. perfield, is the dearest girl!- " "Yes," said Traddles. "Now the " I am certain she is! " said I. whole set- I mean the chambers - is " She is, indeed! " rejoined Traddles. only three rooms'; but Sophy arranges "But I am afraid I am wandering from for the girls in the most wonderful way, the subject. Did I mention the Revandthey sleep as comfortably as possible. erend Horace?" Three in that room," said Traddles, "You said that you dwelt upon the pointing. "Two in that." fact-" I could not help glancing round, in "True! Upon the fact that Sophy search of the accommodation remaining and I had been engaged for a long pefor Mr. and Mrs. Traddles. Traddles riod, and that Sophy, with the permisunderstood me. sion of her parents, was more than "Well!" said Traddles, "we are content to take me-in short," said prepared to rough it, as I said just now, Traddles, with his old frank smile, " on and we did improvise a bed last week, our present Britannia-metal footing. upon the floor here. But there's a Very well. I then proposed to the little room in the roof,-avery nice Reverend Horace,-who is a most room, when you're up there,-which excellent clergyman, Copperfield, and Sophy papered herself, to surprise me; ought to be a Bishop; or at least ought and that's our room at present. It's a to have enough to live upon, without capital little gypsy sort ofplace. There's pinching himself, - that if I could turn quite a view from it." the comer, say of two hundred and fifty "And you are happily married at last, pounds, in one year; and could see my my dear Traddles," said I. " How re- way pretty clearly to that, or something joiced I am!" better, next year; and could plainly' Thank you, my dear Copperfield," furnish a little place like this, besides; said Traddles, as we shook hands once then, and in that case, Sophy and I more. "Yes, I am as happy as it's should be united. I took the liberty of possible tobe. There's yourold friend, representing that we had been patient you see," said Traddles, nodding tri- for a good many years; and that the umphantly at the flower-pot and stand; circumstance of.Sophy's being extraor"and there's the table with the marble dinarily useful at home ought not to top! All the other furniture is plain operate with her affectionate parents, and serviceable, you perceive. And as against her establishment in life, - don't to plate, Lord bless you, we have n't so you see?" much as a teaspoon." " Certainly it ought not," said I, "All to be earned?" said I, cheer- " I am glad you think so, Copperfully. field," rejoined Traddles, "because, " Exactly so," replied Traddles, " all without any imputation on the Reverto be earned. Of course we have some- end Horace, I do think parents, and thing in the shape of teaspoons, be- brothers, and so forth, are sometimes cause we stir our tea. But they're rather selfish in such cases. Well! I B3ritannia metal." also pointed out, that my most earnest " The silver will be the brighter when desire was, to be useful to the family; it comes," said I. and that if I got on in the world, and "The very thing we say!" cried anything should happen to him-I Traddles. "You see, my dear Copper- refer to the Reverend Horace-" field," falling again into the low con- "I understand," said I. fidential tone, "after I had delivered "-Or to Mrs. Crewler -it would my argument in DOE dem. JIPES versus be the utmost gratification of my wish ilWl tffflfrilill~Y,~Y~IIII /ii ~~~~ c-~- r ~ - //!:; //i _ i~~~~~~~il~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I~~~~l:~~~~~yty ~ ~ ~ OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 467 es, to be a parent to the girls. He my friend had chosen well. We all sat replied in a most admirable manner, round the fire; while the sharp boy, exceedingly flattering to my feelings, who I now divined had lost his breath and undertook to obtain the consent in putting the papers out, cleared them of Mrs. Crewler to this arrangement. away again, and produced the tea-things. They had a dreadful time of it with her. After that, he retired for the night, shutIt mounted from her legs into her chest, ting the outer door upon us with a bang. and then into her head-" Mrs. Traddles, with perfect pleasure "What mounted? " I asked. and composure beaming from herhouse"Her grief," replied Traddles, with a hold eyes, having made the tea, then serious look. "Her feelings generally. quietly made the toast as she sat in a As I mentioned on a former occasion, corner by the fire. she is a very superior woman, but has She had seen Agnes, she told me, lost the use of her limbs. Whatever while she was toasting. "Tom" had occurs to harass her, usually settles in taken her down into Kent for a wedding her legs; but on this occasion it mount- trip, and there she had seen my aunt, ed to the chest, and then to the head, too; and both my aunt and Agnes were and, in short, pervaded the whole sys- well, and they had all talked of nothing tem in a most alarming manner. How- but me. "Tom" had never had me ever, they brought her through it by out of his thoughts, she really believed, unremitting and affectionate attention; all the time I had- been away. "Tom" and we were married yesterday six was the authority for everything. weeks. You have no idea what a Mon- "Tom " was evidently the idol of her ster I felt, Copperfield, when I saw the life; never to be shaken from his pedeswhole family crying and fainting away in tal by any commotion; always to be beevery direction! Mrs. Crewler could n't lieved in, and done homage to with the see me before we left, - could n't forgive whole faith ofher heart, comewhat might. me, then, for depriving her of her child, The deference which both she and -but she is a good creature, and has Traddles showed towards the Beauty done so since. I had a delightful letter pleased me very much. I don't know from her, only this morning." that I thought it very reasonable; but " And in short, my dearfriend," said I, I thought it very delightful, and essen" you feel as blest as you deserve to feel!" tially a part of their character. If Trad"0, that's your partiality," laughed dies ever for an instant missed the teaTraddles. "But, indeed, I am m a spoons that were still to be won, I have most enviable state. I work hard, and no doubt it was when he handed the read law insatiably. I get up at five Beauty her tea. If his sweet-tempered every morning, and don't mind it at wife could have got up any self-asserall. I hide the girls in the daytime tion against any one, I am satisfied it and make merry with them in the even- could only have been because she was ing. And I assure you I am quite the Beauty's sister. A few slight indisorry that they are going home on Tues- cations of a rather petted and capricious day, which is the day before the first manner, which I observed in the Beauday of Michaelmas Term. But here," ty, were manifestly considered, by Tradsaid Traddles, breaking off in his confi- dies and his wife, as her birthright and dence, and speaking aloud, "are the natural endowment. If she had been girls! Mr. Copperfield, Miss Crewler born a Queen Bee, and they laboring - Miss Sarah - Miss Louisa- Marga- Bees, they could not have been more ret and Lucy! " satisfied of that. They were a perfect nest of roses; But their self-forgetfulness charmed they looked so wholesome and fresh. me. Their pride in these girls, and They were all pretty, and Miss Caro- their submission of themselves to all line was very handsome; but there was their whims, was the pleasantest little a loving, cheerful, fireside quality in testimony to their own worth I could Sophy's bright looks, which was better have desired to see. If Traddles were than that, and which assured me that addressed as "a darling," once in the 468 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE course of that evening, and besought wafers, ink-jars, brief and draft paper, to bring something here, or carry some- law reports, writs, declarations, and bills thing there, or take something up, or of costs, seemed almost as pleasantly put something down, or find something, fanciful as if I had dreamed that the or fetch something, he was so addressed, Sultan's famous family had been adby one or other of his sisters-in-law, at mitted on the roll of attorneys, and had least twelve times in an hour. Neither brought the, talking-bird, the singingcould they do anything without Sophy. tree, and the golden water into Gray's Somebody's hair fell down, and nobody Inn Hall. Somehow, I found that I but Sophy could put it up. Somebody had taken leave of Traddles for the forgot how a particular tune went, and night, and come back to the coffeenobody but Sophy could hum that tune house, with a great change in my deright. Somebody wanted to recall the spondency about him. Ibeganto think name of a place in Devonshire, and he would get on, in spite of all the only Sophy knew it. Something was many orders of chief waiters in Engwanted to be written home, and Sophy land. alone could be trusted to write before Drawing a chair before one of the cofbreakfast in the morning. Somebody fee-room fires to think about him at my broke down in a piece of knitting, and leisure, I gradually fell from the conno one but Sophy was able to put the sideration of his happiness to tracing defaulter in the right direction. They prospects in the live coals, and to thinkwere entire mistresses of the place, and ing, as they broke and changed, of the Sophy and Traddles waited on them. principal vicissitudes and separations How many children Sophy could have that had marked my life. I had not taken care of in her time, I can't im- seen a coal-fire, since I had left Engagine; but she seemed to be famous for land three years ago: though many a knowing every sort of song that ever wood-fire had I watched, as it crumbled was addressed to a child in the English into hoary ashes, and mingled with the tongue; and she sang dozens to order, feathery heap upon the hearth, which with the clearest little voice in the world, not inaptly figured to me, in my deone after another, (every sister issuing spondency, my own dead hopes. directions for a different tune, and the I could think of the past now, graveBeauty generally striking in last,) so ly, but not bitterly; and could contemthat I was quite fascinated. The best plate the future in a brave spirit. Home, of all was, that, in the midst of their ex- in its best sense, was for me no more. actions, all the sisters had a great ten- She in whom I might have inspired a derness and respect both for Sophy and dearer love, I had taught to be my sisTraddles. I am sure, when I took my ter. She would marry, and would have leave, and Traddles was coming out to new claimants on her tenderness: and walk with me to the coffee-house, I in doing it, would never know the love thought I had never seen an obstinate for her that had grown up in my heart. head of hair, or any other head of hair, It was right that I should pay the forfeit rolling about in such a shower of kisses. of my headlong passion. What I reaped, Altogether, it was a scene I could not I had sown. help dwelling on with pleasure, for a I was thinking, And had I truly discilong time after I got back and had plined my heart to this, and could I wished Traddles good night. If I had resolutely bear it, and calmly hold the beheld a thousand roses blowing in a place in her home which she had calmtop set of chambers, in that withered ly held in mine —when I found my Gray's Inn, they could not have bright- eyes resting on a countenance that ened it half so much. The idea of those might have arisen out of the fire, in Devonshire girls, among the dry law- its association with my early rememstationers and the attorneys' offices; brances. and of the tea and toast, and children's Little Mr. Chillip the Doctor, towhose songs, in that grim atmosphere of good offices I was indebted in the very pounce and parchment, red-tape, dusty first chapter of this history, sat reading OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 46q a newspaper in the shadow of an oppo- seemed relieved when he had got it site corner. He was tolerably stricken safe back. in years by this time; but, being a mild, "Dear me, sir?" said Mr. Chillip, meek, calm little man, had worn so easi- surveying me with his head on one ly, that I thought he looked at that mo- side. "And it's Mr. Copperfield, is ment just as he might have looked when it? Well, sir, I think I should have he sat in our parlor, waiting for me to be known you, if I had taken the liberty born. of looking more closely at you. There's Mr. Chillip had left Blunderstone six a strong resemblance between you and or seven years ago, and I had never seen your poor father, sir." him since. He sat placidly perusingthe " I never had the happiness of seeing newspaper, with his little head on one my father," I observed. side, and a glass of warm sherry negus "Very true, sir," said Mr. Chillip, in at his elbow. He was so extremely con- a soothing tone. "And very much to be ciliatory in his manner that he seemed to deplored it was, on all accounts! We are apologize to the very newspaper for tak- not ignorant, sir, " said Mr. Chillip, slowing the liberty of reading it. ly shaking his little head again, " down I walked up to where he was sitting, in our part of the country, of your fame. and said, "How do you do, Mr. Chil- There must be great excitement here, lip?") sir," said Mr. Chillip, tapping himself He was greatly fluttered by this unex- on the forehead with his forefinger. pected address from a stranger, and re- "You must find it a trying occupation, plied, in his slow way, "I thank you, sir " sir, you are very good. Thank you, "What is your part of the country sir. I hope you are well." now?" I asked, seating myself near "You don't remember me?" said I. him. "Well, sir," returned Mr. Chillip, " I am established within a few miles smiling very meekly, and shaking his of Bury St. Edmunds, sir," said Mr. head as he surveyed me. "I have a Chillip. " Mrs. Chillip coming into a kind of an impression that something little property in that neighborhood, in your countenance is familiar to me, under her father's will, I bought a sir; but I couldn't lay my hand upon practice down there, in which you your name, really." will be glad to hear I am doing well. " And yet you knew it, long before I My daughter is growing quite a tall knew it myself," I returned. lass now, sir," said Mr. Chillip, giving "Did I indeed, sir?" said Mr. Chil- his little head another little shake. lip. "Is it possible that I had the hon- "Her mother let down two tucks in or, sir, of officiating when-?" her frocks only last week. Such is "Yes," said I. time, you see, sir!" "Dearme!" cried Mr. Chillip. "But As the little man put his now empty no doubt you are a good deal changed glass to his lips, when he made this resince then, sir? " flection, I proposed to him to have it re" Probably," said I. filled, and I would keep him company " Well, sir," observed Mr. Chillip, " I with another. "Well, sir," he returned, hope you'11 excuse me, if I am com- in his slow way, "it's more than I am pelled to ask the favor of your name." accustomed to; but I can't deny myself On my telling him my name, he was the pleasure of your conversation. It really moved. He quite shook hands seems but yesterday that I had the with me, —which was a violent pro- honor of attending you in the measles. ceeding for him, his usual course be- You came through them charmingly, ing to slide a tepid little fish-slice, an sir!" inch or two in advance of his hip, and I acknowledged this compliment, and evince the greatest discomposure when ordered the negus, which was soon proanybody grappled with it. Even now, duced. "Quite an uncommon dissipahe put his hand in his coat-pocket as tion!" said Mr. Chillip, stirring it, soon as he could disengage. it, and "but I can't resist so extraordinary 470 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE an occasion. You have no family, "A charming woman indeed, sir," sir?" said Mr. Chillip; "as amiable, I am I shook my head. sure, as it was possible to be! Mrs. " I was aware that you sustained a Chillip's opinion is, that her spirit has bereavement, sir, some time ago," said been entirely broken since her marMr. Chillip. "I heard it from your riage, and that she is all but melanfather-in-law's sister. Very decided choly mad. And the ladies," observed character there, sir?" Mr. Chillip, timorously, " are great ob"Why, yes," said I, "decided servers, sir." enough. Where did you see her, Mr. "I suppose she was to be subdued Chillip?" and broken to their detestable mould, "Are you not aware, sir," returned Heaven help her!" said I. "And Mr. Chillip, with his placidest smile, she has been." "that your father-in-law is again a "Well, sir, there were violent quarneighbor of mine?" rels at first, I assure you," said Mr. "No," said I. Chillip; "but she is quite a shadow "He is indeed, sir!" said Mr. Chil- now. Would it be considered forward lip. "Married a young lady of that if I was to say to you, sir, in confidence, part, with a very good little property, that since the sister came to help, the poor thing. -And this action of the brother and sister between them have brain now, sir? Don't you find it fa- nearly reduced her to a state of imbetigue you?" said Mr. Chillip, looking cility." at me like an admiring Robin. I told him I could easily believe it. I waived that question, and returned "I have no hesitation in saying," to the Murdstones. "I was aware of said Mr. Chillip, fortifying himself with his being married again. Do you at- another sip of negus, "between you tend the family? " I asked. and me, sir, that her mother died of it, " Not regularly. I have been called -or that tyranny, gloom, and worry in," he replied. " Strong phrenological have made Mrs. Murdstone nearly imdevelopment of the organ of firmness, becile. She was a lively young woman, in Mr. Murdstone and his sister, sir." sir, before marriage, and their gloom I replied with such an expressive and austerity destroyed her. They go look, that Mr. Chillip was emboldened about with her, now, more like her by that and the negus together, to give keepers than her husband and sister-inhis head several short shakes, and law. That was Mrs. Chillip's remark thoughtfully exclaim, "Ah, dear me! to me, only last week. And I assure We remember old times, Mr. Copper- you, sir, the ladies are great observers. field!" Mrs. Chillip herself is a great ob"And the brother and sister are server! " pursuing their old course, are they?" "Does he gloomily profess to be (I said I. am ashamed to use the word in such "Well, sir," replied Mr. Chillip, "a association) religious still " I inquired. medical man, being so much in fami- " You anticipate, sir," said Mr. Chillies, ought to have neither eyes nor ears lip, his eyelids getting quite red with for anything but his profession. Still, the unwonted stimulus in which he I must say, they are very severe, sir: was indulging. "One of Mrs. Chillip's both as to this life and the next." most impressive remarks. Mrs. Chil" The next will be regulated without lip," he proceeded, in the calmest and much reference to them, I dare say," I slowest manner, "quite electrified me, returned: "what are they doing as to by pointing out that Mr. Murdstone this?" sets up an image of himself, and calls Mr. Chillip shook his head, stirred it the Divine Nature. You might have his negus, and sipped it. knocked me down on the flat of my "She was a. charming woman, sir!" back, sir, with the feather of a pen, I he observed in a plaintive manner. assure you, when Mrs. Chillip said so. " The present Mrs. Murdstone? " The ladies are great- -observers;- sir- " OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 471 "Intuitively," said I, to his extreme unman me. Do you know it was some delight. time before I recovered the conduct of "I am very happy to receive such that alarming lady, on the night of your support in my opinion, sir," he rejoined. birth, Mr. Copperfield? " " It is not often that I venture to give I told him that I was going down to a non-medical opinion, I assure you. my aunt, the Dragon of that night, early Mr. Murdstone delivers public ad- in the morning; and that she was one dresses sometimes, and it is said, -in of the most tender-hearted and excelshort, sir, it is said by Mrs. Chillip, - lent of women, as he would know full that the darker tyrant he has lately well if he knew her better. The mere been, the more ferocious is his doc- notion of the possibility of his ever seetrine." ing her again, appeared to terrify him. " I believe Mrs. Chillip to be perfect- He replied, with a small pale smile, ly right," said I. "Is she so indeed, sir? Really?" and "Mrs. Chillip does go so far as to almost immediately called for a candle, say," pursued the meekest of little men, and went to bed, as if he were not quite much encouraged, "that what such safe anywhere else. He did not actually people miscall their religion, is a vent stagger under the negus; but I should for their bad-humors and arrogance. think his placid little pulse must have And do you know I must say, sir," he made two or three more beats in a mincontinued, mildly laying his head on ute, than it had done since the great one side, "that I don't find authority night of my aunt's disappointment, for Mr. and Miss Murdstbne in the when she struck at him with her bonNew Testament?" net. " I never found it either! " said I. Thoroughly tired, I went to bed too, "In the mean time, sir," said Mr. at midnight; passed the next day on Chillip, "they are much disliked; and the Dover coach; burst safe and sound as they are very free in consigning into my aunt's old parlor while she was everybody who dislikes them to perdi- at tea (she wore spectacles now); and tion, we really have a good deal of per- was received by her, and Mr. Dick, and dition going on in our neighborhood! dear old Peggotty, who acted as houseHowever, as Mrs. Chillip says, sir, they keeper, with open arms and tears of joy. undergo a continual punishment; for My aunt was mightily amused, when they are turned inward, to feed upon we began to talk composedly, by my their own hearts, and their own hearts account of my meeting with Mr. Chillip, are very bad feeding. Now, sir, about and of his holding her in such dread that brain of yours, if you'11 excuse my remembrance; and both she and Pegreturning to it. Don't you expose it to gotty had a great deal to say about my a good deal of excitement, sir?" poor mother's second husband, and I found it not difficult, in the excite- "that murdering woman of a sister,"ment of Mr. Chillip's own brain, under on whom I think no pain or penalty his potations of negus, to divert his at- would have induced my aunt to bestow tention from this topic to his own affairs, any Christian or Proper Name, or any on which, for the next half-hour, he was other designation. quite loquacious; giving me to understand, among other pieces of information, that he was then at the Gray's Inn Coffee-house to lay his professional evi- CHAPTER LX. dence before a Commission of Lunacy, touching the state of mind of a patient AGNES. who had become deranged from excessive drinking. MY aunt and I, when we were left " And I assure you, sir," he said, " I alone, talked far into the night. How am extremely nervous on such occa- the emigrants never wrote home, othersions. I could not support being what wise than cheerfully and hopefully; is called Bullied, sir. It would quite how Mr. Micawber had actually re 472 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE mitted divers small sums of money, on stood her better now, - " Blind, blind, account of those "pecuniary liabilities" blind! " in reference to which he had been so We both kept silence for some minbusiness-like as between man and man; utes. When I raised my eyes, I found how Janet, returning into my aunt's that she was steadily observant of me. service when she came back to Dover, Perhaps she had followed the current of had finally carried out her renunciation my mind; for it seemed to me an easy of mankind by entering into wedlock one to track now, wilful as it had been with a thriving tavern-keeper; and how once. my aunt had finally set her seal on the " You will find her father a whitesame great principle, by aiding and haired old man," said my aunt, "though abetting the bride, and crowning the a better man in all other respects,- a remarriage-ceremony with her presence; claimed man. Neither will you find - were among our topics, already more him measuring all human interests and or less familiar to me through the let- joys and sorrows with his one poor ters I had had. Mr. Dick, as usual, little inch-rule now. Trust me, child, was not forgotten. My aunt informed such things must shrink very much, me how he incessantly occupied him- before they can be measured off in that self in copying everything he could lay way." his hands on, and kept King Charles " Indeed they must," said I. the First at a respectful distance by that "You will find her," pursued my semblance of employment; how it was aunt, " as good, as beautiful, as earnest, one of the main joys and rewards of her as disinterested, as she has always been. life that he was free and happy, instead If I knew higher praise, Trot, I would of pining in monotonous restraint; and bestow it on her." how (as a novel general conclusion) no- There was no higher praise for her; body but she could ever fully know what no higher reproach for me. 0, how he was. had I strayed so far away! "And when, Trot," said my aunt, "If she trains the young girls whom patting the back of my hand, as we sat she has about her to be like herself," in our old way before the fire, "when said my aunt, earnest even to the filling are you going over to Canterbury?" of her eyes with tears, " Heaven knows, " I shall get a horse, and ride over to- her life will be well employed I Useful morrow morning, aunt, unless you will and happy, as she said that day! How go with me? " could she be otherwise than useful and "No!" said my aunt, in her short, happy!" abrupt way. " I mean to stay where I " Has Agnes any - " I was thinking am." aloud, rather than speaking. Then I should ride, I said. I could "Well? Hey? Any what?" said not have come through Canterbury to- my aunt, sharply. day without stopping, if I had been "Any lover," said I. coming to any one but her. "A score," cried my aunt, with a She was pleased, but answered, " Tut, kind of indignant pride. "She might Trot; my old bones would have kept have married twenty times, my dear, till to-morrow! " and softly patted my since you have been gone " hand again, as I sat looking thoughtfully "No doubt," said I. "No doubt. at the fire. But has she any lover who is worthy of Thoughtfully, for I could not be here her? Agnes could care for no other." once more, and so near Agnes, without My aunt sat musing'for a little while, the revival of those regrets with which I with her chin upon her hand. Slowly had so long been occupied. Softened raising her eyes to mine, she said,regrets they might be, teaching me what "I suspect she has an attachment, I had failed to learn when my younger Trot." life was all before me, but not the less "A prosperous one? " said I. regrets. "0 Trot," I seemed to hear "Trot," returned my aunt, gravely, my aunt say once more; and I under- "I can't say. I have no rigbht to, tel OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 473 you even so much. She has never con- well), into the unchanged drawing-room. fided it to me, but I suspect it." The books that Agnes and I had read She looked so attentively and anx- together were on their shelves; and iously at me (I even saw her tremble), the desk where I had labored at my lesthat I felt now, more than ever, that sons, many a night, stood yet at the she had followed my late thoughts. I same old corner of the table. All the summoned all the resolutions I had little changes that had crept in when made, in all those many days and the Heeps were there were changed nights, and all those many conflicts of again. Everything was as it used to be, my heart. in the happy time. " If it should be so," I began, "and I stood in a window, and looked I hope it is- " across the ancient street at the opposite "I don't know that it is," said my houses, recalling how I had watched aunt, curtly. "You must not be ruled them on wet afternoons, when I first bymy suspicions. You must keep them came there; and how I had used to secret. They are very slight, perhaps. speculate about the people who apI have no right to speak." peared at any of the windows, and had "If it should be so," I repeated, followed them with my eyes up and " Agnes will tell me at her own good down stairs, while women went clinking time. A sister to whom I have confided along the pavement in pattens, and the so much, aunt, will not be reluctant to dull rain fell in slanting lines, and confide in me." poured out of the waterspout yonder, My aunt withdrew her eyes from and flowed into the road. The feeling mine, as slowly as she had turned them with which I used to watch the tramps, upon me; and covered them thought- as they came into the town on those wet fully with her hand. By and by she evenings, at dusk, and limped past, put her other hand on my shoulder; with their bundles drooping over their and so we both sat looking into the shoulders at the ends of sticks, came past, without saying another word, un- freshly back to me; fraught, as then, til we parted for the night. with the smell of damp earth, and wet I rode away, early in the morning, leaves and brier, and the sensation of for the scene of my old school-days. I the very airs that blew upon me in my cannot say that I was yet quite happy, own toilsome journey. in the hope that I was gaining a victory The opening of the little door in the over myself; even in the prospect of so panelled wall made me start and turn. soon looking on her face again. Her beautiful serene eyes met mine as The well-remembered ground was she came towards me. She stopped, soon traversed, and I came into the and laid her hand upon her bosom, and quiet streets, where every stone was a I caught her in my arms. boy's book to me. I went on foot to "Agnes! my dear girl! I have come the old house, and went away with a too suddenly upon you." heart too full to enter. I returned; and "No, no! I am so rejoiced to see looking, as I passed, through the low you, Trotwood! " window of the turret-room where first "Dear Agnes, the happiness it is to Uriah Heep, and afterwards Mr. Mi- me, to see you once again! " cawber, had been wont to sit, saw that I folded her to my heart, and for a it was a little parlor now, and that there little while we were both silent. Preswas no office. Otherwise the staid old ently we sat down, side by side; and house was, as to its cleanliness and her angel-face was turned upon me with order, still just as it had been when I the welcome I had dreamed of, waking first saw it. I requested the new maid and sleeping, for whole years. who admitted me, to tell Miss Wick- She was so true, she was so beautifield that a gentleman, who waited on ful, she was so good, - I owed her so her from a friend abroad, was there; much gratitude, she was so dear to me, and, I was shown up the grave old stair- that I could find no utterance for what aase (cautioned of the steps I knew so I felt. I tried to bless her, tried to 474 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE thank her, tried to tell her (as I had of- Her color came and went once more; ten done in letters) what an influence and once more, as she bent her head, she had upon me; but all my efforts I saw the same sad smile. were in vain. My love and joy were "You will wait and see papa," said dumb. Agnes, cheerfully, " and pass the day With her own sweet tranquillity, she with us? Perhaps you will sleep in calmed my agitation; led me back to your own room? We always call it the time of our parting; spoke to me of yours." Emily, whom she had visited, in secret, I could not do that, having promised many times; spoke to me tenderly of to ride back to my aunt's, at night; but Dora's grave. With the unerring in- I would pass the day there, joyfully. stinct of her noble heart, she touched "I must be a prisoner for a little the chords of my memory so softly and while," said Agnes, "but here are the harmoniously, that not one jarred with- old books, Trotwood, and the old in me; I could listen to the sorrowful, music." distant music, and desire to shrink from " Even the old flowers are here," sHid nothing it awoke. How could I, when, I, looking round; " or the old kinds." blended with it all, was her dear self, " I have found a pleasure," returned the better angel of my life? Agnes, smiling, "while you have been "And you, Agnes," I said, by and absent, in keeping everything as it used by. "Tell me of yourself. You have to be when we were children. For we hardly ever told me of your own life, in were very happy then, I think." all this lapse of time! " " Heaven knows we were! " said I. " What should I tell?" she answered, " And every little thing that has rewith her radiant smile. "Papa is well. minded me of my brother," said Agnes, You see us here, quiet in our own home; with her cordial eyes turned cheerfully our anxieties set at rest, our home re- upon me, "has been a welcome comstored to us: and knowing that, dear panion. Even this," showing me the Trotwood, you know all." basket-trifle, full of keys, still hanging " All, Agnes? " said I. at her side, "seems to jingle a kind of She looked at me, with some flutter- old tune! " ing wonder in her face. She smiled again, and went out at the "Is there nothing else, Sister?" I door by which she had come. said. It was for me to guard this sisterly Her color, which had just now faded, affection with religious care. It was returned, and faded again. She smiled; all that I had left myself, and it was a with a quiet sadness, I thought, and treasure. If I once shook the foundashook her'head. tions of the sacred confidence and I had sought to lead her to what my usage in virtue of which it was given aunt had hinted at; for sharply painful to me, it was lost, and could never be to me as it must be to receive that con- recovered. I set this steadily before fidence, I was to discipline my heart, myself. The better I loved her, the and do my duty to her. I saw, how- more it behooved me never to forget it. ever, that she was uneasy, and I let it I walked through the streets; and, pass. once more seeing my old adversary the "You have much to do, dear Ag- butcher, -now a constable, with his nes?" staff hanging up in the shop, -went " With my school? " said she, look- down to look at the place where I had ing up again, in all her bright com- fought him; and there meditated' on posure. Miss Shepherd and the eldest Miss "Yes. It is laborious, is it not?" Larkins, andall the idle loves and likings, "The labor is so pleasant," she and dislikings, of that time. Nothing returned, "that it is scarcely grateful in seemed to have survived that time but me to call it by that name." Agnes; and she, ever a star above me, "Nothing good is difficult to you," was brighter and higher. said I. When I returned, Mr. Wickfield had OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 475 come home, from a garden he had, a Agnes leaned upon his shoulder, and coupleof miles orso out ofthe town, where stole her arm about his neck. he now employed himself almost every " She had an affectionate and gentle day. I found him as my aunt had heart," he said; "and it was broken. described him. We sat down to dinner, I knew its tender nature very well. No with some half-dozen little girls; and one could, if I did not. She loved me he seemed but the shadow of his hand- dearly, but was never happy. She was some picture on the wall. always laboring, in secret, under this The tranquillity and peace belonging, distress; and being delicate and downof old, to that quiet ground in my cast at the time of his last repulse - for memory, pervaded it again. When din- it was not the first, by many-pined ner was done, Mr. Wickfield taking no away and died. She left me Agnes, wine, and I desiring none, we went up two weeks old, and the gray hair that stairs; where Agnes and her little you recollect me with, when you first charges sang and played, and worked. came." After tea the children left us; and we He kissed Agnes on her cheek. three sat together, talking of the by- "My love for my dear child was a gone days. diseased love, but my mind was all un" My part in them," said Mr. Wick- healthy then. I say no more of that. field, shaking his white head, "has I am not speaking of myself, Trotwood, much matter for regret —for deep re- but of her mother, and of her. If I gret, and deep contrition, Trotwood, give you any clew to what I am, or to you well know. But I would not can- what I have been, you will unravel it, cel it, if it were in my power." I know. What Agnes is, I need not I could readily believe that, looking say. I have always read something of at the face beside him. her poor mother's story, in her charac"I should cancel with it," he pursued, ter; and so I tell it you to-night, when "such patience and devotion, such fidel- we three are again together, after such ity, such a child's love, as I must not great changes. I have told it all." forget, no! even to forget myself." His bowed head, and her angel face " I understand you, sir," I softly said. and filial duty, derived a more pathetic " I hold it-I have always held it- meaning from it than they had had in veneration." before. If I had wanted anything by "But no one knows, not even you," which to mark this night of our rehe returned, " how much she has done, union, I should have found it in this. how much she has undergone, how hard Agnes rose up from her father's side, she has striven. Dear Agnes!" before long; and, going softly to her She had put her hand entreatingly on piano, played some of the old airs to his arm, to stop him; and was very, which we had often listened in that very pale. place. "Well, well!" he said with a sigh, "Have you any intention of going dismissing, as I then saw, some trial away again?" Agnes asked me, as I she had borne, or was yet to bear, in was standing by. connection With what my aunt had told " What does my sister say to that? " me. "Well! I have never told you, " I hope not." Trotwood, of her mother. Has any "Then I have no such intention, one?" Agnes." "Never, sir." "I think you ought not, Trotwood, "It's not much - though it was much since you ask me," she said, mildly. to suffer. She married me in opposi- "Your growing reputation and success tion to her father's wish, and he re- enlarge your power of doing good; and nounced her.. She prayed him to for- if I could spare my brother," with her give her, before my Agnes came into this eyes upon me, "perhaps the time could world. He was a very hard man, and not." her mother had long been dead. He "What I am, you have made me, repulsed her. He broke her heart." Agnes. You should know best." 476 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE "I made you, Trotwood?" ful in some one else (as I can now un"Yes! Agnes, my dear girl!" I said, derstand it was), but was not so in you." bending over her. "I tried to tell you, She softly played on, looking at me when we met to-day, something that still. has been in my thoughts since Dora "Will you laugh at my cherishing died. You remember, when you came such fancies, Agnes?" down to me in our little room, - point- " No!" ing upward, Agnes?" "Or at my saying that I really be"O Trotwood!" she returned, her lieve I felt, even then, that you could eyes filled with tears. "So loving, so be faithfully affectionate against all confiding, and so young! Can I ever discouragement, and never cease to be forget?" so, until you cease to live? - Will you "As you were then, my sister, I have laugh at such a dream? often thought since, you have ever been "O no! O no!" to me. Ever pointing upward, Agnes; For an instant, a distressful shadow ever leading me to something better; crossed her face; but, even in the start ever directing me to higher things!" it gave me, it was gone; and she was She only shook her head; through playing on, and looking at me with her her tears I saw the same sad quiet own calm smile. smile. As I rode back in the lonely night, " And I am so grateful to you for it, the wind going by me like a restless Agnes, so bound to you, that there is memory, I thought of this, and feared no name for the affection of my heart. she was not happy. I was not happy; I want you to know, yet don't know but, thus far, I had faithfully set the how to tell you, that all my life long I seal upon the Past, and, thinking of shall look up to you, and be guided by her, pointing upward, thought of her as you, as I have been through the dark- pointing to that sky above me, where, ness that is past. Whatever betides, in the mystery to come, I might yet whatever new ties you may form, what- love her with a love unknown on earth, ever changes may come between us, I and tell her what the strife had been shall always look to you, and love you, within me when I loved her here. as I do now, and have always done. You will always be my solace and my resource as you have always been. Until I die, my dearest sister, I shall see you CHAPTER LXI. always before me, pointing upward! " She put her hand in mine, and told I AM SHOWN TWO INTERESTING me she was proud of me, and of what I PENITENTS. said; although I praised her very far beyond her worth. Then she went on FOR a time- at all events until my softly playing, but without removing book should be completed, which would her eyes from me. be the work of several months-I "Do you know, what I have heard took up my abode in my aunt's house to-night, Agnes," said I, "strangely at Dover; and there, sitting in the seems to be a part of the feeling with window from which I had looked out at which I regarded you when I saw you the moon upon the sea, when that roof first, -with which I sat beside you in first gave me shelter, I quietly pursued my rough school-days?" my task. "You knew I had no mother," she In pursuance of my intention of rereplied with a smile, " and felt kindly ferring to my own fictions only when towards me." their course should incidentally connect "More than that, Agnes, I knew, itself with the progress of my story, I almost as if I had known this story, do not enter on the aspirations, the dethat there was something inexplicably lights, anxieties, and triumphs of my gentle and softened, surrounding you; art. That I truly devoted myself to it something that might have been sorrow- with my strongest earnestness, and be OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 477 stowed upon it every energy of my soul, home through the drizzling sleet from I have already said. If the books I Court) took a paper out of his desk, have written be of any worth, they will and asked me what I thought of that supply the rest. I shall otherwise have handwriting? written to poor purpose, and the rest "0, don't, Tom!" cried Sophy, who will be of interest to no one. was warming his slippers before the Occasionally I went to London; to fire. lose myself in the swarm of life there, or "My dear," returned Tom, in a deto consult with Traddles on some busi- lighted state, "why not? What do you ness point. He had managed for me, say to that writing, Copperfield? " in my absence, with the soundest judg- "It's extraordinarily legal and forment; and my worldly affairs were mal," said I. "I don't think I ever prospering. As my notoriety began to saw such a stiff hand." bring upon me an enormous quantity "Not like a lady's hand, is it?" said of letters from people of whom I had Traddles. no knowledge,- chiefly about nothing, "A lady's I" I repeated. "Bricks and extremely difficult to answer, - I and mortar are more like a lady's hand " agreed with Traddles to have my name Traddles broke into a rapturous laugh, painted up on his door. There, the de- and informed me that it was Sophy's voted postman on that beat delivered writing; that Sophy had vowed and bushels of letters for me; and there, at declared he would need a copying-clerk intervals, I labored through them like soon, and she would be that clerk; a Home Secretary of State without the that she had acquired this hand from a salary. pattern; and that she could throw offAmong this correspondence, there I forget how many folios an hour. Sophy dropped in, every now and then, an was very much confused by my being obliging proposal from one of the nu- told all this, and said that when "Tom" merous outsiders always lurking about was made a judge he wouldn't be so the Commons, to practise under cover ready to proclaim it. Which " Tom" of my name (if I would take the neces- denied; averring that he should always sary steps remaining to make a proctor be equally proud of it, under all circumof myself, and pay me a percentage on stances. the profits. But I declined these offers; " What a thoroughly good and charmbeing already aware that there were ing wife she is, my dear Traddles!" plenty of such covert practitioners in said I, when she had gone away, laughexistence, and considering the Com- ing. mons quite bad enough without my do- "My dear Copperfield," returned ing anything to make it worse. Traddles, " she is, without any excepThe girls had gone home, when my tion, the dearest girl! The way she name burst into bloom on Traddles's manages this place;;her punctuality, door; and the sharp boy looked, all day, domestic knowledge, economy, and oras if he had never heard of Sophy, shut der; her cheerfulness, Copperfield! " up in a back room glancing down from "Indeed, you have reason to comher work into a sooty little strip of garden mend her!" I returned. "You are a with a pump in it. But there I always happy fellow. I believe you make found her, the same bright housewife; yourselves, and each other, two of the often humming her Devonshire ballads happiest people in the world." when no strange foot was coming up the "I am sure we are two of the happistairs, and blunting the sharp boy in his est people," returned Traddles. "I official closet with melody, admit that, at all events. Bless my I wondered, at first, why I so often soul, when I see her getting up by canfound Sophy writing in a copy-book; dle-light on these dark mornings, busyand why she always shut it up when I ing herself in the day's arrangements, appeared, and hurried it into the table- going out to market before the clerks drawer. But the secret soon came out. come into the Inn, caring for no weathOne day, Traddles (who had just come er, devising the most capital little din 478 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE ners out of the plainest materials, mak- ting about what we have seen. Now, ing puddings and pies, keeping every- you know, Copperfield, if I was Lord thingin its right place, always so neat Chancellor, we couldn't do this! " and ornamental herself, sitting up at "You would do something, whatever night with me if it's ever so late, sweet- you were, my dear Traddles," thought tempered and encouraging always, and I, "that would be pleasant and amiable! all for me, I positively sometimes can't And by the way," I said aloud, "I supbelieve it, Copperfield " pose you never draw any skeletons He was tender of the very slippers now? " she had been warming, as he put "Really," replied Traddles, laughthem on, and stretched his feet enjoy- ing, and reddening, "I can't wholly ingly upon the fender. deny that I do, my dear Copperfield. " I positively sometimes can't believe For, being in one of the back rows of it," said Traddles. "Then, our pleas- the King's Bench the other day, with a ures! Dear me, they are inexpensive, pen in hand, the fancy came into my but they are quite wonderful! When head to try how I had preserved that we are at home here, of an evening, and accomplishment. And I am afraid shut the outer door, and draw those there's a skeleton — in a wig- on the curtains, -which she made, -where ledge of the desk." could we be more snug? When it's After we had both laughed heartily, fine, and we go out for a walk in the Traddles wound up by looking with a evening, the streets abound in enjoy- smile at the fire, and saying, in his forment for us. We look into the glitter- giving way, " Old Creakle I " ing windows of the jewellers' shops; " I have a letter from that old - and I show Sophy which of the dia- Rascal here," said I. For I never was mond-eyed serpents, coiled up on white less disposed to forgive him the way he satin rising grounds, I would give her if used to batter Traddles, than when I I could afford it; and Sophy shows me saw Traddles so ready to forgive him which of the gold watches that are capped himself. andjewelled and engine-turned, andpos- "From Creakle the schoolmaster?" sessed of the horizontal lever-escape- exclaimed Traddles. "No! " movement, and all sorts of things, she Among the persons who are attractwould buy for me if she could afford it; ed to me in my rising fame and forand we pfck out the spoons and forks, tune," said I, looking over my letters, fish-slices, butter-knives, and sugar- "and who discover that they were altongs, we should both prefer if we could ways much attached to me, is the selfboth afford it; and really we go away same Creakle. He is not a schoolmasas if we had got them! Then, when we ter now, Traddles. He is retired. He stroll into the squares, and great streets, is a Middlesex Magistrate." and see a house to let, sometimes we I thought Traddles might be surlook up at it, and say, how would that prised to hear it, but he was not so at do, if I was made a judge? And we all. parcel it out, - such a room for us, such "How do you suppose he comes to rooms for the girls, and so forth; until be a Middlesex Magistrate?" said I. we settle to our satisfaction that it would " 0, dear me! " replied Traddles, do, or it wouldn't do, as the case may "it would be very difficult to answer be. Sometimes, we go at half-price to that question. Perhaps he voted for the pit of the theatre, -the very smell somebody, or lent money to somebody, of which is cheap, in my opinion, at the or bought something of somebody, or money, - and there we thoroughly en- otherwise obliged somebody, or jobbed joy the play; which Sophy believes for somebody, who knew somebody, every word of, and so do I. In walking who got the lieutenant of the county to home, perhaps we buy a little bit of nominate him for the commission." something at a cook's-shop, or a little " On the commission he is, at any lobster at the fishmonger's, and bring it rate," said I. " And he writes to me here, and make a splendid supper, chat- here, that he will be glad to show me, OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 479 in operation, the only true system of in an inferior degree, that he had alprison discipline; the only unchallenge- ways been Traddles'sguide, philosopher, able way of making sincere and lasting and friend. Our venerable instructor converts and penitents, - which, you was a great deal older, and not imknow, isby solitary confinement. What proved in appearance. His face was as do you say?" fiery as ever; his eyes were as small, "To the system?" inquired Trad- and rather deeper set. The scanty, dles, looking grave. wet-lodking gray hair, by which I re"No. To my accepting the offer, membered him was almost gone; and and your going with me?" the thick veins in his bald head were " I don't object," said Traddles. none the more agreeable to look at. "Then I'11 write to say so. You -re- After some conversation among these member (to say nothing of our treat- gentlemen, from which I might have ment) this same Creakle turning his son supposed that there was nothing in the out of doors, I suppose, and the life he world to be legitimately taken into acused to lead his wife and daughter?" count but the supreme comfort of pris" Perfectly," said Traddles. oners, at any expense, and nothing on " Yet, if you'11 read his letter, you'11 the wide earth to be done outside prisfind he is the tenderest of men to pris- on-doors, we began our inspection. It oners convicted of the whole calendar being then just dinner-time, we went, of felonies," said I; "though I can't first into the great kitchen, where every find that his tenderness extends to any prisoner's dinner was in course of being other class of created beings." set out separately (to be handed to him Traddles shrugged his shoulders, and in his cell), with the regularity and prewas not at all surprised. I had not ex- cision of clock-work. I said aside, to pected him to be, and was not surprised Traddles, that I wondered whether it myself; or my observation of similar occurred to anybody, that there was a practical satires would have been but striking contrast between these plentiful scanty. We arranged the time of our repasts of choice quality, and the dinvisit, and I wrote accordingly to Mr. ners, not to say of paupers, but of solCreakle that evening. diers, sailors, laborers, the great bulk On the appointed -day - I think it of the honest, working community; of was the next day, but no matter- whom not one man in five hundred Traddles and I repaired to the prison ever dined half so well. But I learned where Mr. Creakle was powerful. It that the "system" required high livwas an immense and solid building, ing; and, in short, to dispose of the syserected at a vast expense. I could not tem, once for all, I found that, on that help thinking, as we approached the head and on all others, "the system" gate, what an uproar would have been put an end to all doubts, and disposed made in the country, if any deluded of all anomalies. Nobody appeared to man had proposed to spend one half the have the least idea that there was any money it had cost on the erection of an other system, but the system, to be conindustrial school for the young, or a sidered. house of refuge for the deserving old. As we were going through some of In an office that might have been on the magnificent passages, I inquired of the ground-floor of the Tower of Babel, Mr. Creakle and his fiiends what were it was so massively constructed, we supposed to be the main advantages of were presented to our old schoolmaster; this all-governing and universally overwho was one of a group, composed of riding system? I found them to be the two or three of the busier sort of magis- perfect isolation of prisoners, - so that trates, and some visitors they had no one man in confinement there knew brought. He received me, like a man anything about another; and the reducwho had formed my mind in by-gone tion of prisoners to a wholesome state years, and had always loved me tender- of mind, leading to sincere contrition ly. On my introducing Traddles, Mr. and repentance. Creakle expressed, in like manner, but Now, it struck me, when we began to 480 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE visit individuals in their cells, and to some time, on account of Twenty-Seven traverse the passages in which those being reserved for a concluding effect. cells were, and to have the manner of But, at last, we came to the door of his the going to chapel, and so forth, ex- cell; and Mr. Creakle, looking through plained to us, that there was a strong a little hole in it, reported to us, in a probability of the prisoners knowing a state of the greatest admiration, that he good deal about each other, and of their was reading a Hymn-Book. carrying on a pretty complete system of There was such a rush of heads imintercourse. This, at the time I write, mediately, to see Number Twenty-Sevhas been proved, I believe, to be the en reading his Hymn-Book, that the case; but, as it would have been flat little hole was blocked up, six or seven blasphemy against the system to have heads deep. To remedy this inconvenhinted such a doubt then, I looked ience, and give us an opportunity of out for the penitence as diligently as I conversing with Twenty-Seven in all could. his purity, Mr. Creakle directed the And here again, I had great misgiv- door of the cell to be unlocked, and ings. I found as prevalent a fashion in Twenty-Seven to be invited out into the form of the penitence, as I had left the passage. This was done; and outside in the forms of the coats and whom should Traddles and I then bewaistcoats in the windows of the tailors' hold, to our amazement, in this conshops. I found a vast amount of pro- verted Number Twenty-Seven, but fession, varying very little in character: Uriah Heep! varying very little (which I thought ex- He knew us directly; and said, as he ceedingly suspicious), even in words. came out, - with the old writhe, - I found a great many foxes, disparaging "How do you do, Mr. Copperfield? whole vineyards of inaccessible grapes; How do you do, Mr. Traddles?" but I found very few foxes whom I This recognition caused a general would have trusted within reach of a admiration in the party. I rather bunch. Above all, I found that the thought that every one was struck by most professing men were the greatest his not being proud, and taking notice objects of interest; and that their con- of us. ceit, their vanity, their want of excite- "Well, Twenty-Seven," said Mr. ment, and their love of deception (which Creakle, mournfully admiring him. many of them possessed to an almost "how do you find yourself to-day? " incredible extent, as their histories "I am very umble, sir!" replied showed), all prompted to these profes- Uriah Heep. sions, and were all gratified by them. "You are always so, Twenty-Seven," However, I heard so repeatedly, in said Mr. Creakle. the course of our goings to and fro, of Here another gentleman asked, with a certain Number Twenty-Seven, who extreme anxiety, "Are you quite comwas the Favorite, and who really ap- fortable?" peared to be a Model Prisoner, that I "Yes, I thank you, sir!" said Uriah resolved to suspend my judgment until Heep, looking in that direction. "Far I should see Twenty-Seven. Twenty- more comfortable here, than ever I Eight, I understood, was also a bright was outside. I see my follies now, sir. particular star; but it was his misfor- That's what makes me comfortable." tune to have his glory a little dimmed Several gentlemen were much affectby the extraordinary lustre of Twenty- ed; and a third questioner, forcing Seven. I heard so much of Twenty- himself to the front, inquired with exSeven, of his pious admonitions to ev- treme feeling, "How do you find the erybody around him, and of the beauti- beef?" ful letters he constantly wrote to his "Thank you, sir," replied Uriahi mother (whom he seemed to consider glancing in the new direction of this in a very bad way), that I became quite voice, " it was tougher yesterday than I impatient to see him. could wish; but it's my duty to bear. I had to restrain my impatience for I have committed follies, gentlemen," OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 48I said Uriah, looking round with a meek looking up, "if my eyes have not desmile, "and I ought to bear the conse- ceived me, there is a gentleman present quences without repining." who was acquainted with me in my forA murmur, partly of gratification at mer life. It may be profitable to that Twenty-Seven's celestial state of mind, gentleman to know, sir, that I attribute and partly of indignation against the my past follies, entirely to having lived Contractor who had given him any a thoughtless life in the service of young cause of complaint (a note of which was men; and to having allowed myself to immediately made by Mr. Creakle), be led by them into weaknesses which having subsided, Twenty-Seven stood I had not the strength to resist. I hope in the midst of us, as if he felt himself that gentleman will take warning, sir, the principal object of merit in a high- and will not be offended at my freedom. ly meritorious museum. That we, the It is for his good. I am conscious of neophytes, might have an excess of light my own past follies. I hope he may shining upon us all at once, orders were repent of all the wickedness and sin to given to let out Twenty-Eight. which he has been a party." I had been so much astonished al- I observed that several gentlemen ready, that I only felt a kind of resigned were shading their eyes, each, with one wonder when Mr. Littimer walked hand, as if they had just come into forth, reading a good book! church. "Twenty-Eight," said a gentleman "This does you credit, Twentyin spectacles, who had not yet spoken, Eight," returned the questioner. " I "you complained last week, my good should have expected it of you. Is fellow, of the cocoa. How has it been there anything else?" since?" "Sir," returned Mr. Littimer, slight"I thank you, sir," said Mr. Litti- ly lifting up his eyebrows, but not his mer, "it has been better made. If I eyes, "there was a young woman who might take the liberty of saying so, sir, fell into dissolute courses, that I enI don't think the milk which is boiled deavored to save, sir, but could not reswith it is quite genuine; but I am aware, cue. I beg that gentleman, if he has it sir, that there is great adulteration of in his power, to inform that young womilk, in London, and that the article in man from me that I forgive her her a pure state is difficult to be obtained." bad conduct towards myself; and that It appeared to me that the gentleman I call her to repentance -if he will be in spectacles backed his Twenty-Eight so good." against Mr. Creakle's Twenty-Seven, "I have no doubt, Twenty-Eight," for each of them took his own man in returned the questioner, " that the genhand. tleman you refer to feels very strongly " What is your state of mind, Twenty- -as we all must-what you have so Eight?" said the questioner in specta- properly said. We will not detain cles. you." "I thank you, sir," returned Mr. "I thank you, sir," said Mr. LittiLittimer; " I see my follies now, sir. mer. " Gentlemen, I wish you a good I am a good deal troubled when I think day, and hoping you and your famiof the sins of my former companions, lies will also see your wiclkedness, and sir; but I trust they may find forgive- amend I " ness." With this, Number Twenty-Eight "You are quite happy yourself?" retired, after a glance between him and said the questioner, nodding encourage- Uriah, as if they were not altogether ment. unknown to each other, through some " I am much obliged to you, sir," re- medium of communication; and a murturned Mr. Littimer. "Perfectly so." mur went round the group, as his door "Is there anything at all on your shut upon him, that he was a most remind, now? " said the questioner. " If spectable man, and a beautiful case. so, mention it, Twenty-Eight." "Now, Twenty-Seven," said Mr. "Sir," said Mr. Littimer, without Creakle, entering on a clear stage with 3I 482 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE his man, "is there anything that any Copperfield. Once, you struck me a one can do for you? If so, mention blow in the face, you know." it." General commiseration. Several in"I would umbly ask, sir," returned dignant glances directed at me. Uriah, with a jerk of his malevolent "But I forgive you, Mr. Copperhead, "for leave to write again to field," said Uriah, making his forgiving mother." nature the subject of a most impious "It shall certainly be granted," said and awful parallel, which I shall not Mr. Creakle. record. "I forgive everybody. It " Thank you, sir I I am anxious about would ill become me to bear malice. I mother. I am afraid she ain't safe." freely forgive you, and I hope you'll Somebody incautiously asked, what curb your passions in future. I hope from? But there was a scandalized Mr. W. will repent, and Miss W., and whisper of " Hush!" all of that sinful lot. You've been vis" Immortally safe, sir," returned ited with affliction, and I hope it may do Uriah, writhing in the direction of the you good; but you'd better have come voice. "I should wish mother to be here. Mr. W. had better have come got into my state. I never should have here, and Miss W. too. The best wish been got into my present state if I I could give you, Mr. Copperfield, and had n't come here. I wish mother had give all of you gentlemen, is, that you come here. It would be better for could be took up and brought here. everybody, if they got took up, and was When I think of my past follies, and brought here." my present state, I am sure it would be This sentiment gave unbounded sat- best for you. I pity all who ain't brought isfaction, -greater satisfaction, I think, here I " than anything that had passed yet. He sneaked back into his cell, amidst "Before I come here," said Uriah, a little chorus of approbation; and both stealing a look at us, as if he would have Traddles and I experienced a great reblighted the outer world to which we lief when he was locked in. belonged, if he could, " I was given to It was a characteristic feature in this follies; but now I am sensible of my repentance, that I was fain to ask what follies. There's a deal of sin outside. these two men had done, to be there at There's a deal of sin in mother. There's all. That appeared to be the last thing nothing but sin everywhere, -except about which they had anything to say. here." I addressed myself to one of the two "You are quite changed?" said Mr. warders, who, I suspected, from certain Creakle. latent indications in their faces, knew "0 dear, yes, sir!" cried this hope- pretty well what all this stir was worth. ful penitent. " Do you know," said I, as we walked "You wouldn't relapse, if you were along the passage, "what felony was going out?" asked somebody else. Number Twenty-Seven's last'folly'?" " 0 de-ar, no, sir!" The answer was that it was a Bank "Well!" said Mr. Creakle, "this is case. very gratifying. You have addressed A fraud on the Bank of England? Mr. Copperfield, Twenty-Seven. Do I asked. you wish to say anything further to " Yes, sir. Fraud, forgery, and conhim?" spiracy. He and some others. He set "You knew me a long time before I the others on. It was a deep plot for came here and was changed, Mr. Cop- a large sum. Sentence, transportation perfield," said Uriah, looking at me; for life. Twenty-Seven was the knowand a more villanous look I never saw ingest bird of the lot, and had very neareven on his visage. "You knew me ly kept himself safe; but not quite. The when, in spite of my follies, I was um- Bank was just able to put salt upon his ble among them that was proud, and tail, - and only just." meek among them that was violent, — "Do you know Twenty-Eight's ofyou was violent to me yourself, Mr. fence?" OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 483 "Twenty-Eight," returned my infor- the hypocritical knaves were just the mant, speaking throughout in a low subjects to make that sort of profession tone, and looking over his shoulder as in such a place; that they knew its we walked along the passage, to guard market-value at least as well as we did, himself from being overheard, in such in the immediate service it would do an unlawful reference to these Immacu- them when they were expatriated; in lates, by Creakle and the rest, - "Twen- a word, that it was a rotten, hollow, ty-Eight(also transportation)got a place, painfully suggestive piece of business and robbed a young master of a matter altogether. We left them to their sysof two hundred and fifty pounds in mon- tem and themselves, and went home ey and valuables, the night before they wondering. were going abroad. I particularly rec- "Perhaps it's a good thing, Tradollect his case from his being took by a dies," said I, "to have an unsound dwarf." Hobby ridden hard; for it's the sooner " A what?" ridden to death." "A little woman. I have forgot her "I hope so," replied Traddles. name." " Not Mowcher? " "That's it! He had eluded pursuit, and was going to America in a CHAPTER LXII. flaxen wig and whiskers, and such a complete disguise as never you see in A LIGHT SHINES ON MY WAY. all your born days; when the little woman, being in Southampton, met him THE year came round to Christmaswalking along the street, - picked him time, and I had been at home above out with her sharp eye in a moment, - two months. I had seen Agnes freran betwixt his legs to upset him, - and quently. However loud the general held on to him like grim Death." voice might be in giving me encourage" Excellent Miss Mowcher " cried I. ment, and however fervent the emo" You'd have said so, if you had seen tions and endeavors to which it roused her, standing on a chair in the witness- me, I heard her lightest word of praise box at his trial, as I did," said my as I heard nothing else. friend. "He cut her face right open, At least once a week, and sometimes and pounded her in the most brutal oftener, I rode over there, and passed manner, when she took him; but she the evening. I usually rode back at never loosed her hold, till he was locked night; for the old unhappy sense was up. She held so tight to him, in fact, always hovering about me now, -most that the officers were obliged to take sorrowfully when I left her,-and I'em both together. She gave her evi- was glad to be up and out, rather than dence in the gamest way, and was wandering over the past in weary wakehighly complimented by the Bench, fulness or miserable dreams. I wore and cheered right home to her lodgings. away the longest part of many wild, sad She said in Court that she'd have took nights, in those rides; reviving, as I him single-handed (on account of what went, the thoughts that had occupied she knew concerning him), if he had me in my long absence. been Samson. And it's my belief she Or, if I were to say rather that I liswould " tened to the echoes of those thoughts, It was mine too, and I highly re- I should better express the truth. They spected Miss Mowcher for it. spoke to me from afar off. I had put We had now seen all there was to see. them at a distance, and accepted my It would have been in vain to represent inevitable place. When I read to Agto such a man as the Worshipful Mr. nes what I wrote, - when I saw her lisCreakle, that Twenty-Seven and Twen- tening face, moved her to smiles or ty-Eight were perfectly consistent and tears, and heard her cordial voice so unchanged; that exactly what they earnest on the shadowy events of that were then, they had always been; that imaginative.world in which I lived, - I 484 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE thought what a fate mine might have us, to break it down at once with a debeen; but only thought so, as I had termined hand. thought, after I was married to Dora, It was - what lasting reason have I what I could have wished my wife to to remember it! -a cold, harsh, winter be. day. There had been snow, some hours My duty to Agnes, who loved me before; and it lay, not deep, but hardwith a love, which, if I disquieted, I frozen on the ground. Out at sea, bewronged most selfishly and poorly, and yond my window, the wind blew rugcould never restore, - my matured as- gedly from the north. I had been surance that I, who had worked out my thinking of it, sweeping over those own destiny, and won what I had im- mountain wastes of snow in Switzerpetuously set my heart on, had no right land, then inaccessible to any human to murmur, and must bear, - comprised foot; and had been speculating which what I felt and what I had learned. was the lonelier,-those solitary reBut I loved her; and now it even be- gions, or a deserted ocean. came some consolation to me, vaguely "Riding to-day, Trot?" said my to conceive a distant day when I might aunt, putting her head in at the door. blamelessly avow it; when all this "Yes," said I, "I am going over to should be over; when I could say, Canterbury. It's a good day for a "Agnes, so it was when I came home; ride." and now I am old, and I never have "I hope your horse may think so loved since!" too," said my aunt; "but at present She did not once show me any change he is holding down his head and his in herself. What she always had been ears, standing before the door there, as to me, she still was; wholly unaltered. if he thought his stable preferable." Between my aunt and me there had My aunt, I may observe, allowed my been something, in this connection, horse on the forbidden ground, but had since the night of my return, which I not at all relented toward the donkeys. cannot call a restraint, or an avoidance " He will be fresh enough, presentof the subject, so much as an implied ly! " said I. understanding that we thought of it "The ride will do his master good, at together, but did not shape our thoughts all events," observed my aunt, glancing into words. When, according to our at the papers on my table. "Ah, child, old custom, we sat before the fire at you pass a good many hours here! I night, we often fell into this train; as never thought, when I used to read naturally, and as consciously to each books, what work it was to write them." other, as if we had unreservedly said "It's work enough to read them someso. But we preserved an unbroken times," I returned. "As to the writing, silence. I believed that she had read, it has its own charms, aunt." or partly read, my thoughts that night; "Ah! I see! " said my aunt. "Amand that she fully comprehended why I bition, love of approbation, sympathy, gave mine no more distinct expression. and much more, I suppose? Well: go This Christmas-time being come, and along with you! " Agnes having reposed no new confi- "Do you know anything more," said dence in me, a doubt that had several I, standing composedly before her, - times arisen in my mind-whether she she had patted me on the shoulder, and could have that perception of the true sat down in my chair, -" of that attachstate of my breast, which restrained ment of Agnes? " her with the apprehension of giving She looked up into my face a little me pain -began to oppress me heavily. while, before replying, - If that were so, my sacrifice was noth- " I think I do, Trot." ing; my plainest obligation to her un- "Are you confirmed in your impresfulfilled; and every poor action I had sion?" I inquired. shrunk from, I was hourly doing. I "I think I am, Trot." resolved to set this right beyond all She looked so steadfastly at me, -with doubt; - if such a barrier were between a kind of doubt or pity or suspense in OF DA ID COPPERFIELD. 485 het affection, -that I summoned the She put aside her work, as she was stronger determination to show her a used to do when we were seriously perfectly cheerful face. discussing anything, and gave me her "And what is more, Trot - " said my whole attention. aunt. "My dear Agnes, do you doubt my "Yes!" being true to you?" "I think Agnes is going to be mar- " No! " she answered, with a look of ried." astonishment. "God bless her!" said I, cheerfully. "Do you doubt my being what I "God bless her!" said my aunt, always have been to you?" "and her husband too!" "No!" she answered, as before. I echoed it, parted from my aunt, "Do you remember that I tried to went lightly down stairs, mounted, and tell you, when I came home, what a rode away, There was greater reason'debt of gratitude I owed you, dearest than before to do what I had resolved to Agnes, and how fervently I felt towards do. you?" How well I recollect the wintry ride! "I remember it," she said, gently, The frozen particles of ice, brushed from "very well." the blades of grass by the wind, and "You have a secret," said I. "Let borne across my face; the hard clatter me share it, Agnes." of the horse's hoofs, beating a tune upon She cast down her eyes, and tremthe ground; the stiff-tilled soil; the bled. snow-drift, lightly eddying in the chalk- " I could hardly fail to know, even if pit as the breeze ruffled it; the smok- I had not heard, - but from other lips ing team with the wagon of old hay, than yours, Agnes, which seems strange, stopping to breathe on the hill-top, -that there is some one upon whom and shaking their bells musically; the you have bestowed the treasure of your whitened slopes and sweeps of Down- love. Do not shut me out of what conland lying against the dark sky, as if cerns your happiness so nearly! If they were drawn on a huge slate! you can trust me as you say you can, I found Agnes alone. The little girls and as I know you may, let me be your had gone to their own homes now, and friend, your brother, in this matter, of she was alone by the fire, reading. She all others!" put down her book on seeing me come With an appealing, almost a reproachin; and having welcomed me as usual, ful glance, she rose from the window; took her work-basket and sat in one of and hurrying across the room as if withthe old-fashioned windows. out knowing where, put her hands before I sat beside her on the window-seat, her face, and burst into such tears as and we talked of what I was doing, and smote me to the heart. when it would be done, and of the pro- And yet they awakened something gress I had made since my last visit. in me, bringing promise to my heart, Agnes was very cheerful; and laughing- Without my knowing why, these tears ly predicted that I should soon become allied themselves with the quietly sad too famous to be talked to on such sub- smile which was so fixed in my rememjects. brance, and shook me more with hope " So I make the most of the present than fear or sorrow. time, you see," said Agnes, "and talk "Agnes! Sister! Dearest! What to you while I may." have I done! As I looked at her beautiful face, "Let me go away, Trotwood. I am observant of her work, she raised her not well. I am not myself. I will mild, clear eyes, and saw that I was speak to you by and by, - another time. looking at her. I will write to you. Don't speak to me "You are thoughtful to-day, Trot- now. Don't! don't!" wood! " I sought to recollect what she had' Agnes, shall I tell you what about? said, when I had spoken to her on that I came to tell you." former night, of her affection needing 486 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE no return. It seemed a very world that "In the course of years! " It is not I must search through in a moment. a new one!" New thoughts and hopes " Agnes, I cannot bear to see you so, were whirling through my mind, and all and think that I have been the cause. the colors of my life were changing. My dearest girl, dearer to me than any- "Dearest Agnes! Whom I so rething in life, if you are unhappy, let me spect and honor -whom I so devotedly share your unhappiness. If you are in love! When I came here to-day, I need of help or counsel, let me try to thought that nothing could have wrested give it to you. If you have indeed a this confession from me. I thought I burden on your heart, let me try to could have kept it in my bosom all our lighten it. For whom do I live now, lives, till we were old. But, Agnes, if Agnes, if it is not for you! " I have indeed any new-born hope that "Oh, spare me! I am not myself! I may ever call you something more Another time!" was all I could distin- than Sister, widely different from Sisguish. ter!-" Was it a selfish error that was leading Her tears fell fast; but they were me away? Or, having once a clew to not like those she had lately shed, and hope, was there something opening to I saw my hope brighten in them. me that I had not dared to think of? "Agnes! Ever my guide, and best "I must say more. I cannot let you support! If you had been more mindleave me so! For Heaven's sake, Ag- ful of yourself, and less of me, when nes, let us not mistake each other after we grew up here together, I think my all these years, and all that has come heedless fancy never would have wanand gone with them! I must speak dered from you. But you were so much plainly. If you have any lingering better than I, so necessary to me in thought that I could envy the happiness every boyish hope and disappointment, you will confer; that I could not resign that to have you to confide in, and rely you to a dearer protector, of your own upon in everything, became a second choosing; that I could not, from my re- nature, supplanting for the time the first moved place, be a contented witness of and greater one of loving you as I do!" your joy; dismiss it, for I don't deserve Still weeping, but not sadly, -joyfulit! I have not suffered quite in vain. ly! And clasped in my arms as she You have not taught me quite in vain. had never been, as I had thought she There is no alloy of self in what I feel never was to be! for you." "When I loved Dora-fondly, AgShe was quiet now. In a little time, nes, as you know -" she turned her pale face towards me, "Yes!" she cried earnestly. "I am and said in a low voice, broken here glad to know it." and there, but very clear, " When I loved her, - even then, my "I owe it to your pure friendship love would have been incomplete, withfor me, Trotwood, —which, indeed, I out-your sympathy. I had it, and it do not doubt - to tell you, you are mis- was perfected. And when I lost her, taken. I can do no mhore. If I have' Agnes, what should I have been withsometimes, in the course of years, want- out you, still 1 " ed help and counsel,.they have come Closer in my arms, nearer to my to me. If I have sometimes been heart, her trembling hand upon my unhappy, the feeling has passed away. shoulder, her sweet eyes shining through If I have ever had a burden on my her tears, on mine! heart, it has been lightened for me. If "I went away, dear Agnes, loving I have any secret, it is - no new one; you. I stayed away, loving you. I reand is-not what you suppose. I can- turned home, loving you! " not reveal it, or divide it. It has long And now, I tried to tell her of the. been mine, and must remain mine." struggle I had had, and the conclusion "Agnes! Stay! A moment!" I had come to. I tried to lay my mind She was going away, but I detained before her, truly, and entirely. I tried her. I clasped my arm about her waist. to show her, how I had hoped I had OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 487 come into the better knowledge of my- She was up in my study, Peggotty self and of her; how I had resigned said; which it was her pride to keep myself to what that better knowledge in readiness and order for me. We brought; and how I had come there, found her, in her spectacles, sitting by even that day, in my fidelity to this. the fire. If she did so love me (I said) that she "Goodness me!" said my aunt, could take me for her husband, she peering through the dusk, "who's this could do so, on no deserving of mine, you're bringing home?" except upon the truth of my love for "Agnes," said I. her, and the trouble in which it had As we had arranged to say nothing at ripened to be what it was; and hence it first, my aunt was not a little discomwas that I revealed it. And 0, Agnes, fited. She darted a hopeful glance at even out of thy true eyes, in that same me, when I said " Agnes "; but seeing time, the spirit of my child-wife looked that I looked as usual, she took off her upon me, saying it was well; and win- spectacles in despair, and rubbed her ning me, through thee, to tenderest rec- nose with them. ollections of the Blossom that had with- She greeted Agnes heartily, nevertheered in its bloom! less; and we were soon in the lighted " I am so blest, Trotwood - my heart parlor down stairs, at dinner. My aunt is so overcharged- but there is one put on her spectacles twice or thrice, to thing I must say." take another look at me, but as often " Dearest, what?" took them off again, disappointed, and She laid her gentle hands upon my rubbed her nose with them. Much to shoulders, and looked calmly in my the discomfiture of Mr. Dick, who face. knew this to be a bad symptom. " Do you know, yet, what it is?" "By the by, aunt," said I, after din" I am afraid to speculate on what it ner; " I have been speaking to Agnes is. Tell me, my dear." about what you told me." " I have loved you all my life!" "Then, Trot," said my aunt, turning scarlet, "you did wrong, and broke 0, we were'happy, we were happy! your promise." Our tears were not for the trials (hers "You are not angry, aunt, I trust? so much the greater) through which we I am sure you won't be, when you had come to be thus, but for the rapture learn that Agnes is not unhappy in any of being thus, never to be divided more! attachment." We walked, that winter evening, in "Stuff and nonsense!" said my aunt. the fields together; and the blessed As my aunt appeared to be annoyed, calm within us seemed to be partaken I thought the best way was to cut her by the frosty air. The early stars began annoyance short. I took Agnes in my to shine while we were lingering on, arm to the back of her chair, and we and looking up to them we thanked both leaned over her. My aunt with our GOD for having guided us to this one clap of her hands, and one look tranquillity. through her spectacles, immediately We stood together in the same old- went into hysterics, for the first and fashioned window at night, when the only time in all my knowledge of her. moon was shining; Agnes with her The hysterics called up Peggotty. quiet eyes raised up to it; I following The moment my aunt was restored, she her glance. Long miles of road then flew at Peggotty, and, calling her a silly opened out before my mind; and, toil- old creature, hugged her with all her ing on, I saw a ragged way-worn boy, might. After that she hugged Mr. Dick forsaken and neglected, who should (who was highly honored, but a good come to call even the heart now beating deal surprised); and after that, told against mine, his own. them why. Then we were all happy together. It was nearly dinner-time next day I could not discover whether my aunt, when we appeared before my aunt. in her last short conversation with me, 488 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE had fallen on a pious fraud, or had the room, when I was told that a stranreally mistaken the state of my mind. ger wished to see me. It was quite enough, she said, that she He had been asked if he came on had told me Agnes was going to be business, and had answered No; he had married; and that I now knew better come for the pleasure of seeing me, and than any one how true it was. had come a long way. He was an old We were married within a fortnight. man, my servant said, and looked like a Traddles and Sophy, and Doctor and farmer. Mrs. Strong, were the only guests at As this sounded mysterious to the our quiet wedding. We left them full children, and moreover was like the beof joy; and drove away together. ginning of a favorite story Agnes used Clasped in my embrace, I held the to tell them, introductory to the arrival source of every worthy aspiration I had of a wicked old Fairy in a cloak, who ever had; the centre of myself, the cir- hated everybody, it produced some comcle of my life, my own, my wife; my motion. One of our boys laid his head love of whom was founded on a rock! in his mother's lap to be out of harm's "Dearest husband! " said Agnes. way, and little Agnes (our eldest child) "Now that I may call you by that left her doll in a chair to represent her, name, I have one thing more to tell you." and thrust out her little heap of golden " Let me hear it, love." curls from between the window-curtains, " It grows out of the night when to see what happened next. Dora died. She sent you for me." " Let him come in here! " said I. "She did." There soon appeared, pausing in the " She told me that she left me some- dark doorway as he entered, a hale, thing. Can you think what it was? " gray-haired old man. Little Agnes, atI believed I could. I drew the wife tracted by his looks, had run to bring who had so long loved me, closer to my him in, and I had not yet clearly seen side. his face, when my wife, starting up, " She told me that she made a last cried out to me, in a pleased and agitatrequest to me, and left me a last ed voice, that it was Mr. Peggotty I charge." It was Mr. Peggotty. An old man " And it was -" now, but in a ruddy, hearty, strong old " That only I would occupy this va- age. When our first emotion was over, cant place." and he sat before the fire with the chilAnd Agnes laid her head upon my dren on his knees, and the blaze shinbreast, and wept; and I wept with her, ing on his face, he looked to me as though we were so happy. vigorous and robust, withal as handsome, an old man, as ever I had seen. "Mas'r Davy," said he, —and the old name in the old tone fell so naturally CHAPTER LXIII. on my ear! - " Mas'r Davy,'t is a joyful hour as I see you, once more'long A VISITOR. with your own trew wife! " " A joyful hour indeed, old friend!'" WHAT I have purposed to record is cried I. nearly finished; but there is yet an in- "And these heer pretty ones," said cident conspicuous in my memory, on Mr. Peggotty. "To look at these beer which it often rests with delight, and flowers! Why, Mas'r Davy, you was without which one thread in the web I but the heighth of the littlest of these, have spun would have a ravelled end. when I first see you! When Em'ly I had advanced in fame and fortune; war n't no bigger, and our poor lad were my domestic joy was perfect; I had been but a lad!" married ten happy years.' Agnesand I " Time has changed me more than it were sitting by the fire, in our house has changed you since then," said I. in London, one night in spring, and " But let these dear rogues go to bed; three of our children wete playing in and as no house in England but this OF DAVID COPPERFIELD. 489 must hold you, tell me where to send long run. If not yesterday, why then for your luggage, (is the old black bag to-day. If not to-day, why then toamong it, that went so far, I wonder!) morrow." and then, over a glass of Yarmouth "And Emily?" said Agnes and I, grog, we will have the tidings of ten both together. years! "Em'ly," said he, "arter you left "Are you alone? " asked Agnes. her, ma'am, -and I never heerd her "Yes, ma'am," he said, kissing her saying of her prayers at night, t' other hand, " quite alone." side the canvas screen, when we was We sat him between us, not knowing settled in the Bush, but what I heerd how to give him welcome enough; and your name, - and arter she and me lost as I began to listen to his old familiar sight of Mas'r Davy, that theer shining voice, I could have fancied'he was still sundown, - was that low, at first, that, pursuing his long journey in search of if she had know'd then what Mas'r his darling niece. Davy kep from us so kind and thowtful, "It's a mort of water," said Mr.'tis my opinion she'd have drooped Peggotty, " fur to come across, and on'y away. But theer was some poor folks stay a matter of fower weeks. But water aboard as had illness among'em, and ('specially when't is salt) comes nat'ral she took care of them; and theer was to me; and friends is dear, and I am the children in our company, and she heer. -Which is verse," said Mr. Peg- took care of them; and so she got to gotty, surprised to find it out, "though be busy, and to be doing good, and that I had n't such intentions." helped her." "Are you going back those many "When did she first hear of it?" I thousand miles, so soon? " asked Agnes. asked. "Yes, ma'am," he returned. "I giv "I kep it from her arter I heerd the promise to Em'ly, afore I come on't," said Mr. Peggotty, "going on away. You see, I doen't grow younger nigh a year. We was living then in a as the years comes round, and if I had n't solitary place, but among the beautisailed as't was, most like I should n't fullest trees, and with the roses a covernever have done't. And it's allus been ing our Beein to the roof. Theer come on my mind, as I must come and see along one day, when I was out a workMas'r Davy and your own sweet bloom- ing on the land, a traveller from our ing self, in your wedded happiness, afore own Norfolk or Suffolk in England (I I got to be too old." doen't rightly mind which), and of He looked at us, as if he could never course we took him in, and giv him to feast his eyes on us sufficiently. Agnes eat and drink, and made him welcome. laughingly put back some scattered We all do that, all the colony over. locks of his gray hair, that he might see He'd got an old newspaper with him, us better. and some other account in print of the "And now tell us," said I, "every- storm. That's how she know'd it. thing relating to your fortunes." When I come home at night, I found "Our fortuns, Mas'r Davy," he re- she know'd it." joined, "is soon told. We have n't He dropped his voice as he said these fared nohows,butfaredto thrive. We've words, and the gravity I so well rememallus thrived. We've worked as we bered overspread his face. ought to't, and may be we lived a " Did it change her much? " we asked. leetle hard at first or so, but we have " Ay, for a good long time," he said, allusthrived. What with sheep-farming, shaking his head; "if not to this and what with stock-farming, and what present hour. But I think the soliwith one thing and what with t'other, toode done her good. And she had a we are as well to do, as well could be. deal to mind in the way of poultry and Theer's been kiender a blessing fell the like, and minded of it, and come upon us," said Mr. Peggotty, rever- through. I wonder," he said, thoughtentially inclining his head, "and we've fully, " if you could see my Em'ly now, done nowt but prosper. That is, in the Mas'r Davy, whether you'd know her! " 490 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE " Is she so altered? " I inquired. make offers fur to marry Missis Gum"I doen't know. I see her ev'ry midge, I'm Gormed, - and I can't say day, and doen't know; but, odd-times, no fairer than that!" I have thowt so. A slight figure," said I never saw Agnes laugh so. This Mr. Peggotty, looking at the fire, sudden ecstasy on the part of Mr. Peg"kiender worn; soft, sorrowful, blue gotty was so delightful to her, that she eyes; a delicate face; a pritty head, could not leave off laughing; and the leaning a little down; a quiet voice and more she laughed the more she made way, -timid a'most. That's Em'ly!" me laugh, and the greater Mr. PeggotWe silently observed him as he sat, ty's ecstasy became, and the more he still looking at the fire. rubbed his legs. " Some thinks," he said, " as her af- " And what did Mrs. Gummidge say?" fection was ill-bestowed; some, as her I asked, when I was grave enough. marriage was broke off by death. No "If you'll believe me," returned one knows how't is. She might have Mr. Peggotty, "Missis Gummidge, married well a mort of times,'but, un-'stead of saying'Thank you, I'm much cle,' she says to me,'that's gone for- obleeged to you, I ain't a going fur to ever.' Cheerful along with me; retired change my condition at my time of life,' when others is by; fond of going any up'd with a bucket as was standing by, distance fur to teach a child, or fur to and laid it over that theer ship's cook's tend a sick person, or fur to do some head till he sung out fur help, and I kindness tow'rds a young girl's wed- went in and reskied of him." ding (and she's done a many, but has Mr. Peggotty burst into a great roar never seen one); fondly loving of her of laughter, and Agnes and I both kept uncle; patient; liked by young and him company. old; sowt out by all that has any trou- "But I must say this for the good ble. That's Em'ly " creetur," he resumed, wiping his face He drew his hand across his face, and when we were quite exhausted; "she with a half-suppressed sigh looked up has been all she said she'd be to us, from the fire. and more. She's the willingest, the " Is Martha with you yet? " I asked. trewest, the honestest-helping woman, " Martha," he replied, "got married, Mas'r Davy, as ever draw'd the breath Mas'r Davy, in the second year. A of life. I have never know'd her to be young man, a farm-laborer, as come by lone and lorn, for a single minute, not us on his way to market with his mas'r's even when the colony was all afore us, drays, - a journey of over five hundred and we was new to it. And thinking of mile, theer and back, - made offers fur the old'un is a thing she never done, I to take her fur his wife (wives is very do assure you, since she left England I" scarce theer), and then to set up fur "Now, last, not least, Mr. Micawtheir two selves in the Bush. She spoke ber," said I. " He has paid off every to me fur to tell him her trew story. I obligation he incurred here, -even to did. They was married, and they live Traddles's bill, you remember, my dear fower hundred mile away from any Agnes, - and therefore we may take it voices but their own and the singing for granted that he is doing well. But birds." what is the latest news of him? " "Mrs. Gummidge?" I suggested. Mr. Peggotty, with a smile, put his It was a pleasant key to touch, for hand in his breast-pocket, and produced Mr. Peggotty suddenly burst into a roar a flat-folded, paper parcel, from which of laughter, and rubbed his hands up he took out, with much care, alittle oddand down his legs, as he had been ac- looking newspaper. customed to do when he enjoyed him- "You are to unnerstan', M4a'r Daself in the long-shipwrecked boat. vy," said he, " as we have left the Bush "Would you believe it!" he said. now, being so well to do; and have "Why, some'un even made offers fur to gone right away round to Port Middlemarry her! If a ship's cook that was bay Harbor, wheer theer's what we turning settler, Mas'r Davy, didn't, l a town." OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 49I "Mr. Micawber was in the Bush imperfect state of the resources of our near you?" said I. establishment, to endeavor to follow " Bless you, yes," said Mr. Peggotty, our distinguished townsman through the "and turned to, with a will. 1 never smoothly flowing periods of his polished wish to meet a better gen'l'man for turn- and highly ornate address! Suffice it to ing to, with a will. I've seen that observe, that it was a masterpiece of elotheer bald head of his, a perspiring in quence; and that those passages in the sun, Mas'r Davy, till I a'most which he more particularly traced his thowt it would have melted away. And own successful career to its source, now he's a magistrate." and warned the younger portion of his "A Magistrate, eh?" said I. auditory from the shoals of ever incur" Mr. Peggotty pointed to a certain ring pecuniary liabilities which they paragraph in the newspaper, where I were unable to liquidate, brought a read aloud as follows, from the " Port tear into the manliest eye present. The Middlebay Times" - remaining toasts were Dr. MELL; Mrs. MICAWBER (who gracefully bowed her " I The public dinner to our dis- acknowledgments from the side door, tinguished fellow-colonist and towns- where a galaxy of beauty was elevated man, WILKINS MICAWBER, ESQUIRE, on chairs, at once to witness and adorn Port Middlebay District Magistrate, the gratifying scene); MRS. RIDGER came off yesterday in the large room BEGS (late Miss Micawber); MRS. of the Hotel, which was crowded to MELL; WILKINS MICAWBER, ESQUIRE, suffocation. It is estimated that not JUNIOR (who convulsed the assembly by fewer than forty-seven persons must humorously remarking that he found have been accommodated with dinner at himself unable to return thanks in a one time exclusive of the company in speech, but would do so, with their the passage and on the stairs. The permission, in a song); MRS. MICAWbeauty, fashion, and exclusiveness of BER'S FAMILY (well known, it is needPort Middlebay flocked to do hon- less to remark, in the mother country), or to one so deservedly esteemed, so &c., &c., &c. At the conclusion of the highly talented, and so widely popular. proceedings the tables were cleared as Doctor Mell (of Colonial Salem-House if by art-magic for dancing. Among Grammar School, Port Middlebay) pre- the votaries of TERPSICHORE, who dissided, and on his right sat the distin- ported themselves until Sol gave warnguished guest. After the removal of ing for departure, WILKINS MICAWthe cloth, and the singing of Non BER, ESQUIRE, JUNIOR, and the lovely Nobis (beautifully executed, and in and accomplished Miss Helena, fourth which we were at no loss to distinguish daughter of Dr. Mell, were particularthe bell-like notes of that gifted ama- ly remarkable." teur, WILKINS MICAWBER, ESQUIRE, JUNIOR), the usual loyal and patriotic I was looking back to the name of toasts were severally given and raptu- Doctor Mell, pleased to have discovrously received; Dr. Mell, in a speech ered, in these happier circumstances, replete with feeling, then proposed'Our Mr. Mell, formerly poor pinched ushdistinguished Guest, the ornament of our er to my Middlesex magistrate, when, town. May he never leave us but to Mr. Peggotty pointing to another part better himself, and may his success of the paper, my eyes rested on my among us be such as to render his bet- own name, and I read thus:tering himself impossible!' The cheering with which the toast was received "TO DAVID COPPERFIELD, defies description. Again and again it ESQUIRE, rose and fell, like the waves of ocean. At length all was hushed, and WILKINS MrIAWBER, ESQUIRE, presented "MY DEAR SIR, himself to return thanks. Far be it "Years have elapsed, since from us, in the present comparatively I had an opportunity ofocularly perusin 492 PERSONAL HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE the lineaments, now familiar to the im- Peggotty remained with us. He lived, aginations of a considerable portion of with us during the whole term of his the civilized world. stay, — which, I think, was something " But, my dear sir, though estranged less than a month, - and his sister and (by the force ofcircumstances over which my aunt came to London to see him. I have had no control) from the person- Agnes and I parted from him aboardal society of the friend and companion of ship, when he sailed; and we shall my youth, I have not been unmindful of never part from him more, on earth. his soaring flight. Nor have I been de- But before he left, he went with me barred, to Yarmouth, to see a little tablet I had' Though seas between us braid ha' roared,' put up in the churchyard to the memory of Ham. While I was copying the (BURNS) from participating in the intel- plain inscription for him at his request, lectual feasts he has spread before us. I saw him stoop, and gather a tuft of " I cannot, therefore, allow of the de- grass from the grave, and a little earth. parture from this place of an individual " For Em'ly," he said, as he put it in whom we mutually respect and esteem, his breast. " I promised, Mas'r Davy." without, my dear sir, taking this public opportunity of thanking you, on my own behalf, and, I may undertake to add, on CHAPTER LXIV. that of the whole of the Inhabitants of Port Middlebay, for the gratification of A LAST RETROSPECT. which you are the ministering agent. "Go on, my dear sir! You are not AND now my written story ends. I unknown here, you are not unappre- look back once more-for the last ciated. Though'remote,' we are neither time - before I close these leaves.'unfriended,''melancholy,'nor (I may I see myself, with Agnes at my side, -add)'slow.' Go on, my dear sir, in journeying along the road of life. I see your Eagle course! The inhabitants our children and our friends around us; of Port Middlebay may at least aspire and I hear the roar of many voices, not to watch it, with delight, with entertain- indifferent to me as I travel on. ment, with instruction! What faces are the most distinct to "Among the eyes elevated towards me in the fleeting crowd? Lo, these; you from this portion of the globe, all turning to me as I ask my thoughts will ever be found, while it has light the question! and life, Here is my aunt, in stronger specta"The cles, an old woman of fourscore years "Eye and more, but upright yet, and a steady "Appertaining to walker of six miles at a stretch in win" WILKINS MICAWBER, ter weather. "Magistrate." Always with her, here comes Peggotty, my good old nurse, likewise in spectaI found, on glancing at the remaining cles, accustomed to do needle-work at contents of the newspaper, that Mr. night very close to the lamp, but never Micawber was a diligent, and esteemed sitting down to it without a bit of waxcorrespondent of that journal. There candle, a yard measure in a little house, was another letter from him in the same and a work-box with a picture of St. paper, touching a bridge; there was an Paul's upon the lid. advertisement of a collection of similar The cheeks and arms of Peggotty, letters by him, to be shortly republished, so hard and red in my childish days, in a neat volume, "with considerable when I wondered why the birds did n't additions"; and, unless I am very peck her in preference to apples, are much mistaken, the Leading Article shrivelled now; and her eyes, that used was his also. to darken their whole neighborhood in We talked much of Mr. Micawber, her face, are fainter (though they glitter on many other evenings while Mr. still); but her rough forefinger, which I OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. 493 once associated with a pocket nutmeg- denly, she cries, in a terrible voice, grater, is just the same; and when I see "Rosa, come to me. He is dead!" my least child catching at it as it totters Rosa, kneeling at her feet, by turns from my aunt to her, I think of our lit- caresses her, and quarrels with her; tie parlor at home, when I could scarcely now fiercely telling her, " I loved him walk. My aunt's old disappointment is better than you ever did!"-now set right, now. She is godmother to a soothing her to sleep on her breast, real living Betsey Trotwood; and Dora like a sick child. Thus I leave them; (the next in order) says she spoils her. thus I always find them; thus they wear There is something bulky in Peggot- their time away, from year to year. ty's pocket. It is nothing smaller than What ship comes sailing home from the crocodile-book, which is in rather a India! and what English lady is this, dilapidated condition by this time, with married to a growling old Scotch Crcesus divers of the leaves torn and stitched with great flaps of ears. Can this be across, but which Peggotty exhibits to Julia Mills? the children as a precious relic. I find Indeed it is Julia Mills, peevish and it very curious to see my own infant fine, with a black man to carry cards face looking up at me from the croco- and letters to her on a golden salver, dile stories; and to be reminded by it and a copper-colored woman in linen, of my old acquaintance, Brooks of Shef- with a bright handkerchief round her field. head, to serve her Tiffin in her dressingAmong my boys, this summer holiday room. But Julia keeps no diary in time, I see an old man making giant these days; never sings Affection's kites, and gazing at them in the air, Dirge; eternally quarrels with the old with a delight for which there are no Scotch Crcesus, who is a sort of yellow words. He greets me rapturously, and bear with a tanned hide. Julia is whispers, with many nods and winks, steeped in money to the throat, and "Trotwood, you will be glad to hear talks and thinks of nothing else. I that I shall finish the Memorial when liked her better in the Desert of Sahara. I have nothing else to do, and that your Or perhaps this is the Desert of Saaunt's the most extraordinary woman in hara! For, though Julia has a stately the world, sir!" house, and mighty company, and sumpWho is this bent lady, supporting tuous dinners every day, I see no green herself by a stick, and showing me a growth near her; nothing that can ever countenance in which there are some come to fruit or flower. What Julia traces of old pride and beauty, feebly calls "society" I see; among it Mr. contending with a querulous, imbecile, Jack Maldon, from his Patent Place, fretful wandering of the mind? She sneering at the hand that gave it him, is in a garden; and near her stands and speaking to me of the Doctor, as a sharp, dark, withered woman, with a "so charmingly antique." But when white scar on her lip. Let me hear society is the name for such hollow what they say. gentlemen and ladies, Julia, and when "Rosa, I have forgotten this gentle- its breeding is professed indifference to man's name." everything that can advance or can retard Rosa bends her over and calls to her, mankind, I think we must have lost " Mr. Copperfield." ourselves in that same Desert of Sahara, "I am glad to see you, sir. I am and had better find the way out. sorry to observe yo e you arin mourning. And lo, the Doctor, always our good I hope Time will be good to you." friend, laboring at his Dictionary (someHer impatient attendant scolds her, where about the letter D), and happy tells her I am not in mourning, bids her in his home and wife. Also the Old look again, tries to rouse her. Soldier, on a considerably reduced "You have seen my son, sir," says footing, and by no means so influential the elder lady. "Are you reconciled?" as in days of yore! Iooking fixedly at me, she puts her Working at his chambers in the hand to her forehead, and moans. Sud- Temple, with a busy aspect, and his 494 PERSONAL HISTORYj ETC. OF DA VID COPPERFIELD. hair (where he is not bald) made more Traddles's house is one of the very rebellious than ever by the constant houses - or it easily may have been - friction of his lawyer's wig, I come, in which he and Sophy used to parcel out, a later time, upon my dear old Traddles. in their evening walks. It is a large His table is covered with thick piles of house; but Traddles keeps his papers papers; and I say, as I look around me, - in his dressing-room, and his boots with "If Sophy were your clerk, now, his papers; and he and Sophy squeeze Traddles, she would have enough to themselves into upper rooms, reserving do! " the best bedrooms for the Beauty and " You may say that, my dear Copper- the girls. There is no room to spare in field! But those were capital days, too, the house; for more of "the girls " are in Holborn Court! Were they not? " here, and always are here, by some ac" When she told you you would be a cident or other, than I know how to Judge? But it was not the town talk count. Here, when we go in, is a crowd then!" of them, running down to the door, and " At all events," says Traddles, "if I handing Traddles about to be kissed, ever am one -" until he is out of breath. Here, estab" Why, you know you will be." lished in perpetuity, is the poor Beauty, " Well, my dear Copperfield, wken I a widow with a little girl; here, at dinam one, I shall tell the story, as I said ner on Sophy's birthday, are the three I would." married girls with their three husbands, We walk away, arm-in-arm. I am and one of the husband's brothers, and going to have a family dinner with another husband's cousin, and another Traddles. It is Sophy's birthday; and, husband's sister, who appears to me to on our road, Traddles discourses to me be engaged to the cousin. Traddles, of the good fortune he has enjoyed. exactly the same simple, unaffected fel" I really have been able, my dear low as he ever was, sits at the foot of Copperfield, to do all that I had most the large table like a Patriarch; and at heart. There's the Reverend Hor- Sophy beams upon him, from the head, ace promoted to that living at four hun- across a cheerful space that is certainly dred and fifty pounds a year; there are not glittering with Britannia metal. our two boys receiving the very best ed- And now, as I close my task, subduucation, and distinguishing themselves ing my desire to linger yet, these faces as steady scholars and good fellows; fade away. But, one face, shining on there are three of the girls married very me like a heavenly light by which I comfortably; there are three more liv- see all other objects, is above them and ing with us; there are three more keep- beyond them all. And that remains. ing house for the Reverend Horace I turn my head, and see it, in its since Mrs. Crewler's decease; and all beautiful serenity, beside me. My lamp of them happy." burns low, and I have written far into " Except-" I suggest. the night; but the dear presence, with"Except the Beauty," says Traddles. out which I were nothing, bears me "Yes. It was very unfortunate that company. she should marry such a vagabond. O Agnes, O my soul, so may thy face But there was a certain dash and glare be by me when I close my life indeed; about him that caught her. However, so may I, when realities are melting now we have got her safe at our house, from me like the shadows which I now and got rid of him, we must cheer her dismiss, still find thee near me, pointup again." ing upward 1 THE END. Cambridge: Electrotyped and Printed by Welch, Bigelow, & Co.