A FAMILY STRICTURE. 
 
 A Parody of Family Picture,’ by M. F. Tupper, 
 Esq. of Albury, Surrey, 
 
 atterarp <asa?ctte»» of Nob^mU^r ut^ i846.) 
 
 Ridiculous enough are the Pliancies of many men, who are thereby 
 too often guided. Some, I know, are so besotted with the desire of 
 Off-spring, as they have ran any hazards; run hand over head, and 
 quite undone themselves. The greatest madness imaginable, if we 
 rightly consider all things . — Conjugal Duty, ^c. 1736. 
 
 MY squalling ones, my stubborn ones, my vicious imps of earth, 
 How sadly have I suffer’d through each bother since your birth! 
 How heartily for nurses, and how earnestly for bears, 
 
 I yearn, to take you far away, my foul and frightful heirs! 
 
 Oh, children! that so break my peace — y’e spongers of my gold, 
 Ma’s greatest care when young, and still Pa’s latest care when 
 old, — 
 
 I must do ev’ry thing for you— must chide, and “hide,” and 
 guide; 
 
 Both “grub” and clothes must place, God knows, still ever at 
 your side. 
 
 I must do Ev RY thing for you — ^your everlasting slave; 
 
 Must lodge and dodge, and watch and botch, and drive and strive 
 to save : 
 
 Oh! run to me still will you all, and I your faults must rue, — 
 
 Each “Hopeful,” when in “scrapes,” still I’ve to fight it out for 
 you. 
 
 Yea, crimes or follies, debts or frets, or base connection’s fall. 
 Doubt not, but I’m the luckless one who has to smart for all*: 
 
 I must still render, blind and kind, lest some be ruin’d slap,-^ 
 
 I must do all for great and small, by pocket, prayer, or pap! 
 
 My crowd of “cubs,” affrighted, I review you one by one — 
 
 (A pretty pack of plagues seem those through whom I’m so un- 
 done!) 
 
 And tell the woes to her I chose— a too familiar sound— 
 
 Where’er a once snug hearth and berth like our’s is stock’d 
 around. 
 
 Oh, fearful charge and pain to me! — oh, how my temper’s tried! 
 Alack ! I soon, through lack of joy, shall be myself beside. 
 
 When l am dead, my greedy ones they’ll read my Will with glee ; 
 When they are dead, their needy ones— about as good will be! 
 
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