DUR HEIRESS A' LOCAL BUFF OPERA. COPYRIGHTED ACCORDING TO LAW. E I C H M N D : F. A. CHRISTIAN, JOB PRINTER. 18 77. OUR HEIRESS A LOCAL BUFF OPEEA. CHARACTERS. Mr. Stamps, Rich Merchant and cruel Parent. Mr. Spooner, his appointed Son-in-law. Ferdinand Stroller, the romantic lover. Nipper, a Detective. Telephoni, a street Musician. Jim Crow, a colored voter. Chief Justice Black. Prosecuting Attorney. Mrs. Stamps, the manceuvering Mother. Angellina, her bulldozed Daughter. Sheriffs. Officers, and Chorus. ACT 1. SCENE.— Gamble's Hill. {Solo) Signor Telephoni — Air Bellini Juan Pizini Antellotti, cresendo, allegretto, Solo pianissimo you betto, Inferno you know, no go, Picolo decrescendo obo. ^'^^56-006614 Z ■ OUE HEIRESS. "Nipper — I'll teach you how to sing your "Oh" In a key that's kept by White and Poe. But first I'll take this monkey by the tail, And hold him for security and bail. [Takes monkey and drives Telephoni out.] Enter Stamps, Mrs. S., Angelina, and Nipper. Stamps — What row is this? (Aside) Nipper you got my billet doux. Nipper — I did, old cock ; but not through Miss Van Lew. Stamps — ^JoUy old girl ! No stamp could stick on faster ; But as for me I like a he postmaster. But listen, Nipper, while I chant a bar About my girl, her lover and papa ; Also her mother, who for chin and jaw, Beats all the world in mother-in-law. If you find the stave in tone sonorous Turn on your register and join the chorus. And you, kind hearers, please do not start, You'll think directly its the last Mozart. Mrs. S. — And if you like applaud our vocal powers ; Our voices are sweet although we come from Saur's. QUARTETTE. Stamps — To-morrow you are sweet sixteen ; Tis time for you to marry, And Spooner has the stamps my dear, A wife and house to carry. Angelina — No, no, Papa, I can't go him, For father or tor mother, For though he is a jolly swell, You know I love another. Chorus. To-morrow she is sweet sixteen ; But when she wants to marry. She'd take a poor but sassy cuss, Just like Tom, Dick and Harry. OUR HEIRESS. 3 Mrs. S. — Now, Aiigy, darling, that's too thin, Don't come it over me, It looks like giving us away, To a person up a tree. Spooner — Then listen to my tax list love, My city stocks and money, Of greenbacks shall your bustle be If you will be my honey. CHORUS. To-morrow she is, &c. Mrs. S. — Ah, how my heart on clasic music dotes ! Don't you take me sometimes, dear, for Mrs. Oats ? Stamps — Oats ? My love, you're rather more like wheat ; Of course your voice, though, grinds out much more sweet. Mrs. S.— Ah— (bell) but there's our tea, I hear the bell. Stamps — By Jove, I thought 'twas Moffetts' sell. Spooner, my boy, just take the ladies in; (aside) I'll show her which to take, the love or tin. Spooner — Thanks, ah, thanks, if you but say encore, I'll sing my notes whenever they mature ; The music or the future is a deuced bore ; At sight, but not by ear, play our score. [Ex. except Stamps and Nipper.] Stamps — Now, Nipper, have you read my better through ? Nipper — I have, old boy, and all I wait for is the clue. Murders and arsons, assassins, fires, divorces, Thieves and burglars, rogues and vicious courses, In fact all crimes of whatsoever nature, — Except, of course, the Virginia Legislature — 'Tis mine to work up to the public view. Then spare your chin and only show your clue. [Looks at clue with spy-glass.] 4 OUR HEIRESS. Stamps — Well, Nipper, do your think you see the facts ? Nipper — It looks just now like our tobacco tax. Stamps — Pshaw, look again, now what's it like ? Nipper — Bill for relief of shad and pike. No, yes, just take your hand a little off'it, Ar'nt it a photograph of Dr. Moffett. Stamps — Pshaw, look again. Nipper — Ha! now I've got it full. In less than twenty winks that cuss I'll pull. CHORUS. If you want a policeman, Rap the pavement with a stick, Yell as loud as ever you can ; That's the way to do the trick. If it is a boy to wallop, If it is a cat to watch, Or a horse to fine for gallop. Or a yaller dog to catch; Spring your rattle, blow your whistle, Rap the pavement with a stick. Holler fire, thieves and murder. Till you make your neighbors sick. [Exeunt] SOLO. Angelina — When the moon is brightly beaming On the scene so dear to me. In trances softly dreaming, Sweet love I wait for thee. Dreaming and waiting for thee, Sweet love where canst thou be, Come oh come to me. The gaslight no longer is gleaming, But love by the moon can see, And though he is blind to all seeming, He can show you the way to me. Dreaming and waiting, &c. [Exit and appears on balcony.] OUR HEIRESS. SERENADE AND CHORUS. Ferdinand — Come where my love lies dreaming, dreaming the happy hours away, In visions bright redeeming The fleeting joys of day. CHORUS. Come where a club, come where a stick, Waits to give you a lick, We will show a trick. Angelina — Come where your love is waking, waking to see where you stay, The moments hours making the time you are away. CHORUS. Come where a club, &c. Jim Crow, with banjo.) Ferdinand — What light from yonder hillside breaks ? Angelina — The Tredigar, dear Ferdy; how it takes Our cheek away to think the hands all night Must work so hard and make so bright a light. Ferdinand — Turn off the light, turn on the hands, That's for the pudler's good, or any other man's. But now the lights are down and no mama, Say, can't you chant a small sized fa so la ? Angelina — Alas! I'm hardly equal to the part. I'm rather hoarse from overmuch Mozart. But since you fondly call me priinob donnO/, My time shall equal any nag of Bonner. Ferdinand — It shall be so, my lovely Angelina, But pray look sharp, although you sing in Minor. And, sweet soprano, ere you hear my tale. Wait till I fetch my new ascending scale. [Exit with Jim Crow.] 6 OUR HEIRESS. Nipper climbs up and Angelina runs off — Nipper on balcony — Re-enter Ferdinand and Jim Oroio with a "fire escape." Ferdinand — Now, Mr. Crow, can you make this ladder fit ? Jim Crow — Boss, I give it up, I aint a end man yit. Ferdinand— Colored educator, show me to the ground floor flight. Jim Crow — Ax Dunjee. — Next class come up and recite. Dat thing aint worf a cuss— :you better hadder Gone for to bring our hook and ladder. Stage business — Ferdinand climbs up aiid embraces Nipper. QUINTETTE AND CHORUS. Ferdinand — Oh Mr. Watchman dont take me, Spooner — Take him down to the Jail allee. Mrs. S. — Only give him bread and tea. Stamps — Put him under lock and key. Nipper — Trust the matter all to me. CHORUS. Take him down to Jail allee. Enter Angelina — Duet and Chorus. {Foliceman, c. ; Stamps, Spooner, Mrs. S. with Angelina^ R. ; Nip- per with Ferdinand, L.) Ferdinand — Farewell, but never shall this heart Forget its love, though now we part. Angelina — What tongue, sweet love, can ever tell How sad, how hard to say farewell ! OUE HEIRESS. 7 CHORUS. Ferdinand — Deep in my dark and lonely cell Angellina — Love shall whisper sweet farewell. CHORUS. Deep in his dark and lonely cell. He'll hear again farewell, farewell. Nipper takes down "moon, other policemen show mon- key^ organ, cat, Jim Crow, and other captures. Tableau. Curtain. ACT 11. Queen of May, Angelina, on throne, on R. H. CHORUS. Hail to the Queen of May, The joyous spirit of the Spring; To dance and song we give to-day, And flowers and garlands bring. With roses crown her lovely head. And strew with flowers the path she'll tread, Theu in the May dance whirl along, And chase the hours with dance and song. Hail to the Queen, &c. Angelina (on throne)— Gentle friends, and spirits of the air and earth. Angels and fairies bless onr happy day of mirth. Not all unworthy is your Queen of May ; Her " body " is from Bon Ton, her skirt from Dem- orest. 8 OUR HEIRESS. Her hair and powder come from Ferrandini : She'll smile as sweet as candy of Pizzini, The train and pin-back are not from the North, They are owing to Papa, and to great worth. Stamps— (aside) Now, hangyourbongtong and your Demoray, A husband, not a sire, such bills should pay. Mrs. S.— And as for worth, I feel sometimes like killin her, To hear her praise that vile he milliner. Stamps.— When girls postmasters are, and men make frocks, I hope old Hayes will go for both their socks. Angelina— Kind friends before we try croquet or polo. We'll ask friend Spooner there to sing a solo. Spooner-Ah ! really now, Pve got% froggy croak. Somewhat like our friend the "happy moke." SOLO.— THE SWELL OF FRANKLIN STREET. Spooner — When strolling in the evening Agirl I chance to meet. She always turns her head and says. The swell of Franklin street. In fact J ladies and gentle')nen, the latest thing out — Ah, ya-as — to ''kilVem'' is my favorite sport, For that's the thing to do, The proper thing for you. It's nobby and its swell, you know, It's loud and awful new. Ah, ya-as, when it rains I always dont hire a carriage for her, hut stand like a tableau in the dress-circle — Ah — leaning against a post, for That's the thing to do, &c. For when I lead the German I'm lightest in the dance. To kill'em with my deuced style, Just give 'em such a glance. OUR HEIRESS. 9 Ah. ya-as, on Sunday Iivaltz doion to St. PauVsand see the shebang break, and stupid just so on the side- walk, For that's the thing to do, &c. And when upon the Grove road I lightly hold the rein, No trap you see of finer make, No nag of better strain — For that's the thing to do, &c. Angellina— My pretty tenor it couldn't be better done I'm sure, We'll drink, however, before we say encore ; Gentlemen, the sun is far above horizon, Pray touch the bell and " nominate your pizen." Mrs. S. — There ! just in time, for if I'm any prophet ; See where they bring the cask of Pvloftett. BELL PUNCH CHORUS. Beautiful bells invite us to drink. Turn round the crank and give us a wink ; Toss off your glass and say what you think, Of Moffett and his beautiful bells. Pour down the lush and run up the tax, That's the way Moffett can pile up greenbacks ; Beer, julep or cocktail, all that we get, "Ging" goes the bell and away goes the debt. Beautiful bells, &c. Two for the whiskey, one for the beer, Ring it out loud when Moffett is near. When he is gone just set it aside, We'll drink all in si'ence and him we deride. Beautiful bells, &c. Angellina — Ah, happy is the State in such a financier. His treasury a julip, and his bank a cask of beer. (Dance, music within.) But hark ! the signal for the May-pole dance. Come friends, your Queen will be the first to prance. (Exeunt l ; second e.) 10 OUE HEIRESS. (Enter Ferdinand in chain-gang suit.) Ferdinand— Alas, while they pursue the ball with glee. This ball most cruelly follows me. (Enter Angellina.) Angellina — Oh, Ferdinand, that suit would cause a smile. Checks, not stripes my dear, are now the style ; Your trousers are lull-sprung as for a sailor. That's not swell, my love ; pray who'se your tailor ? Ferdinand — It once was Shafer whom I thought a sad be- guiler, Alas ! I never had then tried Jim Tyler. Angellina — And pray, my dear, who gave that chain and locket. And my ! why don't you wear it in you pocket ? Ferdinand — Angy, your style is ''chic,'' but is not right. According to the taste of Poe and White. But, sweet soprano, since my suit you scoff, Pray why have you left your busstle off ? Angellina — What a question 1 Pray where have you been ? Bustles are long since out. pin-backs are in. A thing which all of our set should know, sir ; Dou't you ever see the window of Cardozo ? Ferdinand — Hardly, for when I used to pass that way, I stopped at Snelling's, in his new cafe. But, Angellina, when we parted last, 'Twas by some other members of the cast ; We were about to fly, alas they knew so, Angellina— And made us stop before we got our trous- seau, {Trio — Angellina, Ferdinand, and Nipper at hack.) Angellina— Fly with me, won't you fly with me, To some happier land ? Ferdinand — Yes love, I will fly with you, Or any other man. OUR HEIRESS. 11 Nipper — Fly with her, just try to fly ; I'll see now if you can. Angy. and Ferdi. — Fly with me to some happier spot, Where we'll find no ban. Cruel parents shall be forgot Like our black and tan ; Nipper— Fly, fly, if you can. (Nipper comes forward.) Nipper — Ha ! ha ! ha ! my striped cuss you're caught again, I'll show you how to fly with ball and chain. Angellina — Ferdinand, my love, just leave this job to me. Nipper, you don't sing true ; look, here's the key, It strikes Pa's notes, just put it in his safe and click it. Then run to Garbers' for an excursion ticket. Nipper — Biz is biz, we won' take time to sigh, • But make for Byrd-Street station quick— all— and fly. (Exeunt.) (Enter Stamps and others.) Stamps— Ha ! what do I see? My daughter with her strip- ed lover. Oh Lord ! my key, my daughter let me quick re- cover. » Mrs. S. — Turn in a murder-alarm, holler thieves and fire. Spooner — Catch a policeman, blaspheme an octave higher. Stamps— Run for the engine, quick, put out my key and daughter. Mrs. S and Spooner— Holler fire and murder, turn on the water. Nipper (entering)— Ha, old cock, I thought I knew your crow. This is the way they went ; hark, tally ho ! (Exeunt running.) 12 OUR HEIRESS. (Telephoni R. ; the7i I^ipper and Ferdinand meeting.) Ferdinand— Nipper, I'm gone up sure, I can't escape. Nipper — Hush, my boy, I'll put you in ship shape. [Change dress with Telephoni.] Telephoni — What you doing now, you policeman damn ? Nipper — Run, you organ grinder, or you'll be a jim jam. [Exit Telephon-i pursued by Nipper.] ( The others run Telephoni across the stage while Fer- dinand stands playing organ.) [Enter Spooner with Telephoni— Tiio.] Telephoni— There is the man you take for me. Spooner and Ferdinand --No ! no ! no ! Telephoni — Si, si, si, si. He is the man. Spooner and Ferdinand— You are the man. Ferdinand— Prove if you can, you ar'nt the man, See how you ran, when this began. Telephoni — He is the man you are taken for me- All — No, no, no, no, si, si, si, si. (Enter Stamps and Mrs. S.) Stamps — My key and daughter both have bolted. CHORUS. Tell what frightful thing has happened. That from dancing you recall us ? Mr. and Mrs. S— Our key and daughter both have bolted, What thing worse could now befall us ? [Exeunt] OUR HEIRESS. 13 CHORUS. What reward sir, will you offer ? Mr. and Mrs. S.— Friends and neighbors, half my coffer. (Repeat.) CHORUS. Rest not one until we're caught her Who so vile a piece as she, Run for policeman, catch the daughter. Catch the daughter and the key. (Rush off as curtain falls.) ACT III. — Scene, Court-room. Judge- -Mr. Sheriff, wake up the jury--. vitness, proceed. Then the prosecuting attorney is the first to plead. {Solo — Angelina — Air, " she is so innocent and charm- ing " ) Stamps — My dear, your school and style are thorough ; Can you sing within a mile of Edenborough ? Angelina-- Really I don't mind the distance, Pa, I'm sure I'd sing it, either near or far. Pros. attorney--May it please the court, and gentlemen of the jury [with dignity and pathos], never before in my profess- ional career have I^pproached a case with so many feelings of emotion, and so many emotions of feeling. Gentlemen if you feel any hesitation in pronouncing the severest pen- alty which the law prescribes upon the hardened criminal now arrainged at the bar, [declaiming violently] and who I claim, has been proved guilty by the must convincing tes- timony, and beyond the question of a reasonable doubt to the minds of one even dozen--yes, I repeat it--one dozen of intelligent, educated and unbiassed men [in a low voice 14 ' OUR HEIRESS. and with solemnity], then I paint you to the law which says here that the commonwealth's attorneymust have ten dollars for every indictment which he tr es, etc. [Working his jaw frantically but without speaking]. Attorney for Defense — [Very mildly] May it please the court and gentlemen, I submit the case without argument. Chorus the Jury — Hang up a man for a dollar a day, That, to our mind, is very poor pay ; Dinner at Ford's, or dinner at Exchange, And drinks thrown in, or a fraud very strange. Jail or the chain-gang*, penetentiaree. Talk over dinner, and then we can see ; Where will they take us to, which will it be, Ask for instructions and then disagree. The Sheriff— Well, gentlemen, what say you ; will you now retire ? The Foreman — First, sir, some instructions we desire, In case should we retire and disagree. Where do you take us — what's our hotel to be ? The Judge (very irate) — That law is changed ; this house you shall not quit. The Foreman — Then we acquit; aint that a local hit? All— Acquit ! The ludge--The Devil! That's all I have to say. Pros. Attorney — The Devil, yes, but who the devil is to pay ? Stamps — Though innocent of crime, your pecuniary guilt will rest. Don't come near my daugkjier— young man, go West. Angellina — Oh, papa, can't we marry on affection ? Mrs. S. — What a conundrum ! Can you sing without inflec- tion ? (Enter Nipper.) Nipper — Gentleman, I'm just in time to tell you what is new, (Reading newspaper.) OUR HEIRESS. 15 With the prisoner's tale, with his case and clue. In his cell, so dark and lonely, Haunted by bad spirits only, The wretched prisoner sleeps, and wakes again, Only to wear the dreaded ball and chain, For him nor friends nor kindred comfort give ; 'Twerc sweet relief to die when misery to live. Thus Justice holds her scale his cause to weigh. And all but. soft-eyed pity turn away. But hark! What sound allays his poignant grief. Dr. Bull's Cough Syrup — patented relief. Ferdinand — 'Tis true each word ; and thus I throw the mask ; Pray, gentlemen, do you see this little flask ? 'Tis a patent thing of most ingenious nature, Which I lastyear worked through the legislature. A bell-punch register fixed like a truss. To register each citizen each oath he'll cuss. Thus I and Moffett, that sweet, fair civilian. Pay Old Virginia's debt, and make our million. Stamps —Young man, I see your merit. Come here Spooner, I wish I had known of this a little sooner. My boy I like your looks, your cheek and style ; But biz is biz ; now just please size your pile. Spooner — Half-a-million. Stamps — A half-a-mi!lion's some, in fact a round sum ; But we'll hear the other account — Mr. Stroller, come. Over my child's affections I keep watch and sentry, And keep my son-in-law's account by double entry. Ferdinand — In stocks and bonds, in mortgages and rents. Just hall-a-million dov/n, and, ah, ten cents. All— Ten cents! Stamps — My boy, she's yours; pray carry forward this caress- ing Until you've struck your balance-sheet, then credit blessing. (Angellina and Ferdinand c. Whistle the duet from Don Pasquale.) 16 OUR HEIEESS. Bring up the cake and champagne too. And show Miss AngelHna The wedding march, and the way to do With bhie glass and old china. Spooner — Good-bye John, when I'm gene away, Send me a chromo, write me a billet-doux, Call me a pet name, call me a jay, Call me Canary, call me filly-loo. Mrs. S. — When you make a son-in-law, just catch a financier, We'll take a drop of comfort yet, if you will order beer. Stamps — Way down upon the Shockoe warehouse. And down on 'Change, There's where they sell corn and tobacco, There's where they keep the Grange. CHORUS. Bring up the cake, &c. Nipper — If you have a joke to tell don't tell two. Pay me a good fee to tind the point for you. If you catch a black cat without any owner, Take him to the sausage man, and turn him to belogna. Ferdinand — If you love me and I love you, Both — Then we love one another, AngelHna — So put me in my little bed, and kiss me for my mother. Jim Crow — I know a man, his name is White, The white folks call him Joe, To call him black would be more ri^ht, Bulldoze dis nigger so. CHORUS. Bring up the cake, &c. (Dance.) Curtain. i !^^« 9ie 183 6 •