Class "PA LS70 Book — i A-SC^ PLAUTI COMCEDLE SEPTEM SELECTS; ANGLICE REDDIT^E, EXPURGATE. SEVEN COMEDIES OF PLAUTUS SELECT, TRANSLATED INTO ENGLISH LITERALLY AND GRAMMATICALLY, AND CLEARED OF OBJECTIONABLE PASSAGES, THE MODE OF ACTING THEM, AND THE STAGE BUSINESS, ARE CAREFULLY SET DOWN. rot THE COMEDIES ARE, AULULARIA, EPIDICUS, MENjECHMI, MERCATOR, PSEUDOLUS, TRINUMMUS, AND RUDENS. BY THE REV. GEORGE SACKVILLE COTTER, A.M. TRANSLATOR OF TERENCE, FORMERLY CAPTAIN OF WESTMINSTER SCHOOL AND AN ACTOR THERE IN THREE OF TERENCE'S COMEDIES. FOR THE USE OF SCHOOLS AND SEMINARIES. His utere raecum. — Hor. . ! >• LONDON: e^ofvv PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY J. F. DOVE, ST, JOHN'S SQUARE. 1827, 1 ADVERTISEMENT. Be it knoivn, that this translation is a strict construing of the Latin of Plautus for the sake of schools. A SCHEDULE Shewing the method of strictly construing Latin verbs into English according to grammatical rule, as practised in my translations of Plautus and Terence, set down for the use of schools. — G. S. Cotter. Tenses. Present Imperfect Future Perfect Pluperfect 2d Future Present Imperfect Perfect Pluperfect Indicatives. Scribo — I write, I do write, I am writing. Scribebam — I did write, I was writing. Scribam — I will write, I shall write. Scripsi — I wrote, I have written. Scripseram — I had written. Scripsero — I shall have written, I will have written. Potentials. Scribam — I may, or can, or must write. Scriberem — I might, or could, or would, or should write. Scripserim — I may, or can, or must have written. Scripsissem — I might or could, or would, or should have written. These English moods, having such a variety in their meanings, must be judiciously applied in construing Latin, in order to make strong sense and meaning in the sentences. No changing of any one tense or mood, differing from the original, can be allowed in construing. Strict construing, is true translating. Whoever alters moods and tenses in translating Latin into English, is a bad gram- marian, and a bad translator — he runs wild, like an untaught colt, and substitutes his own friskings for a sound and true mode of going — he makes a sort of paraphrase, but no translation. DEDICATION. THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED, BY PERMISSION, TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE ROBERT PEEL, SECRETARY OF STATE FOR THE HOME DEPARTMENT; A GENTLEMAN OF SOUND LEARNING AND POLITE SCHOLARSHIP, A PATRON OF LITERATURE, HIGHLY ESTEEMED AND RESPECTED AS A TRUE PATRIOT, AN- ELOQUENT ORATOR IN THE SENATE, AN ABLE STATESMAN, WISE IN COUNSEL, LOYAL TO HIS KING, AND A FIRM SUPPORTER OF OUR EXCELLENT CONSTITUTION IN CHURCH AND STATE. TO HIM, AS AN ACCOMPLISHED SCHOLAR, AND A JUST CRITIC, SUBMITS THIS WORK OF TRANSLATION, WITH DEFERENCE AND RESPECT, THE AUTHOR. SALUTATIO. EXIMIUM VIRUM PERQUAM HONORABILEM ROBERTUM PEEL, CUI SCILICET REX PI ENTISSIMUS ARDUUM SANE MUNUS REGNI SUI RES PUBLICAS ADMINISTRANDI COMMISIT, ET QUI ISTHOC OPTIME FUNCTUS EST OFFICIO, ET FUNGITUR IN HONOREM PATRUE, ET DECUS, ET GLORlAM, PLURIMA salute, TALEM TANTUMQUE, IMPERTIT DEMISSE EQUIDEM HUJUSCE LIBRI AUCTOR. PREFACE. Seven Comedies of Plautus, in this translation, namely, the Aulularia, Epidicus, Mensechmi, Mercator, Pseudolus, Trinummus, and Rudens, cleared of impro- prieties, and elucidated, are hereby made fit for acting; and this translation will be a guide to scholars in our public schools, who maybe appointed by the masters to act the plays in Latin, for their improvement in that language. Those readers, who choose to study this translation, without consulting the Latin original, will find the Comedies pleasant and amusing, and will be furnished, without much trouble, with a knowledge of the style and manner of the comic writings of the An- cients. As for reading them in the Latin original, though the Latin is excellent, and well worthy of the attention of all classical scholars, it is in many parts difficult, and in particular passages so much so, as to require much study to construe it grammatically, and understand it thoroughly. There is some difficulty also, while a reader is puzzled with uncommon words and phrases, to unravel the intricacy of the plots, to X PREFACE. judge of what is referred to, and to comprehend the dramatic spirit of the plays, which is often veiled in dark obscurity to the eyes of careless or dull readers. The labour of selection of the best plays of Plautus will not be thought lightly of, when it is considered, that, in order to choose those best fitted for acting and for reading, the Author was forced to study almost all of Plautus's Comedies, which are numerous enough to tire out the patience of the most persevering scholar. If the Translator may be allowed to compare himself to a running horse, that goes over a lengthened course with some trial of exertion, perhaps he may attain the glory of being at least a well-winded or bottomed horse, that went cheerfully and stoutly through very difficult and rough ways of a neglected course. Though he is an aged racer (iEtat. 72), he flatters himself that he car- ries his weight well and vigorously, measures his strides with judgment, and neither bolts from the course, nor runs on the wrong side of the post. The Writer of this translation intended it to be closely literal and grammatical, paying accurate attention to moods and tenses, and preserving carefully the spirit of the original. He trusts that he has rendered the Latin of Plautus into English in good language, plain, and best adapted to the meaning and construction of the sentences. If there had been a greater latitude, the style might have been easily made more elegant. But PREFACE. XI for the benefit of all young scholars, and some of their teachers, he made the construction perfectly close, and in the precise language, in which the pupils and the preceptors ought grammatically to construe the Latin of Plautus. It is to be hoped that this book will be found by all readers to be amusing. May it also prove useful to the scholars, useful to the masters and tutors, and useful to literature, by calling attention to these beautiful ancient writings, now neglected and nearly forgotten by the learned and classical world ! — FloreantPlautiComcedise ! Talia si obtigerint, Author nihil amplius optat. George Sackville Cotter. October, 1826. N. B. At the end of the Volume is given an account of the Life of Plautus ; also an opinion of his writings, and the judgment of some ancient writers respecting them, Some observations are also made on the good qualities of Terence's Comedies. M. ACCII PLAUTI AULULARIA. CHARACTERS IN THE COMEDY. Euclio, an Athenian old Gentleman, a Miser. PhjEDRIA, the daughter of Euclio. Staph yla, an old maid-servant of Euclio. Megadorus, a respectable Gentleman of Athens. Eunomia, the sister o/'Megadorus. Ly con ides, the son o/Eunomia(a?^ Antimachus), the nephew o/'Megadorus, in love with Phaedria. Strobilus, a servant o/'Megadorus. Strobilus, a servant 0/ Lyconides. Pythodicus, a servant. Anthorax and Congrio, two cooks. M. ACCII PLAUTI AULULARIA. Scene. — A street in Athens. Megadoeus's house on one side, and Euclio's on the other, with their doors opposite. An altar on one side, between the houses and the back scene. ACTUS PRIMUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Euclio from his house, driving before him, with a whip, his old maid-servant Staph y la, to the middle of the stage. Euc. Get out, I say, and away with yourself, [fogs her] and get out now ! By Hercules, you must get out of doors; hence, thou sp3 r -aboutwoman,with your eyes in all quarters. — Sta. [weeping.] But why do you beat me, a wretched woman? — Euc. On purpose that you may be wretched, and curst as you are, may pass a curst life worthy of you ! — Sta. But for what cause now have you thrust me out of the house? — Euc. Shall I account to you, thou bundle of stings? [He pushes her.] Go back from the door. — Stop there now. [She walks on.] Look how stately she walks! But do you know how the affair stands with you? By Hercules, if to-day I shall have taken up a stick, or a pointed goad into my hand, I shall hurry that slow tortoise-step of yours ! — Sta. Oh ! that the gods had driven me to hang myself, rather than I may be a slave with you indeed in this way! [She mutters to herself] — Euc. Now how this piece of wickedness grum- bles alone with herself! By Hercules, I will scoop out those eyes of yours, you wicked one, that you may not be able to watch me, as to what I may be about. [He pushes her.] Get away from that! [She comes back.] Again now? what * M. ACCII PLAUTI again now, again ? [She goes farther off.] Aha ! stand in that place ! By Hercules, if you shall have stirred a finger, or a nail from that place, across, across or wide of you, or if you shall have looked back, until I have ordered you, by Her- cules, I will immediately give you up to the rack to learn something there. [He comes forward.] I know for certain, that I have never seen a more nefarious person than this old woman ; and I very wretchedly fear her, lest she may be slily cheating me quite ignorant of it, [in a low voice] and lest she may find out where the gold is hidden ! she who has eyes also in the back of her head, the vilest of wretches ! I will now go, that I may see whether the gold is so as I hid it, which troubles wretched me most exceedingly. [Exit Euclio into his house.] — Sta. [sola.] I cannot truly imagine what I may pronounce of malignity or insanity, to have happened to my master ; so often he thrust out wretched me in this manner from his house, ten times in one day. I know not, fegs ! what furies possess that man ! He is on the watch whole nights ; but then in the day time he sits whole days, as if he were a lame cobbler. I cannot imagine now, in what way I can conceal the shame of my master's daughter, whose lying-in approaches near ; nor is there any thing better for me, as I think, than that I may make a long capital letter of myself, when I shall have tied up my neck in a halter. SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Eu clio from his house. Euc. [Advancing to the front, and speaking to himself in a low voice.] At length I go out of my house with a mind free from trouble, after that I have seen that all things are safe within. [He tarm about to Staphyla.] Return now you im- mediately within the house, and keep yourself close within. — Sta. Why may I keep within ? Whether lest any one may carry away the house ? for here with us there is no other gain for thieves ! But it is well filled with cobwebs and spiders. — Euc. It is wonderful, that for your sake now, Jupiter may not make me king Philip or Darius, you old witch ! I wish that those spiders be preserved for me. I am poor, I confess it; 1 suffer, I bear what the gods give. AULULARIA. O Get you gone inside, and shut the door fast. I will be here now presently. Take care how you shall have let any stranger into the house. As any person may possibly ask for fire, I wish it to be extinguished, lest there be a reason that any one may ask it of you. For if any fire shall live there, [shakes his fist at her] you shall be extinguished at once. Then say that the water has run out, if any one shall ask for it. The knife, the axe, the pestle and mortar, and the vessels of use, which the neighbours are always asking for, say thou, that thieves came and carried off. In fact, I wish no one to be admitted into my house, I being absent. And I also tell you this beforehand, that even if the good goddess Fortune herself may come, you shall not have ad- mitted her in doors. — Sta. Fegs ! I believe, she herself takes care not to be admitted, for though she is near at hand, she went no where at any time towards our house. — Eac. Hold your prating, and off with you in doors. — Sta. I am silent, and am going away. — Euc. Shut up the doors, and, mind me now, with both bolts. I will be here just now presently. [Exit Staphyla into Euclio 7 s house.'] — Euc. [solus.] lam tortured in mind, because I must go away from my house. Truly I am going very unwilling. But I know what I must do ; for he who is our principal officer of our court, promised to divide sums of money among men applying for charity. If I relinquish that, and do not ask it, all may instantly suspect me, I think, to have gold at home. For it is not likely, that a poor man would despise ever so little, but must seek a bit of money. But now, when I conceal carefully from all, that they may not know my wealth, all seem to know it, and salute me more kindly, than they used to salute me before. They go towards me, and stop, and shake hands. They ask me, how I may be in health, what I may do, and what I may be carrying on. [He pauses awhile.] Now I will go where I am profited. Afterward, I will betake me home again, at as great a rate as I shall be able. [Euclio hobbles down the stage to the back scene, and exit.] M. ACCII PLAUTI ACTUS SECUNDUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter from Megadorus's house, Eunomia and Megadorus. Eun. I must wish, brother, that you should think, that I speak as to this matter for the sake of my own goodwill to you, and your advantage, as it is right that a sister should do; al- though I am fully aware, that we women are accounted odious. For we are all deservedly reckoned very loquacious ; and they say at this day, that no woman has been found really dumb in any age. But, brother, think of this one thing notwith- standing ; that I am nearest in affinity to you, and you also to me. How right it is then, that you should counsel and advise me, and I you, as to what we may judge to be profit- able to each of us ; nor that that should be hidden, nor kept in by fear ; but that I may equally make you a partaker of it, and you may make me. For that purpose now I have con- ducted you privately hither out of doors, that I might here speak of your domestic business along with you. — Meg. Most excellent woman, give me your hand. {They shake hands together.'] — Eun. {Looking about.'] Where is she ? but who is that most excellent woman ? — Meg. Thou. — Eun. Do you say that so ? — Meg. If you deny it, I deny it. — Eun. It becomes you faithfully to speak the truth. For no woman can be chosen out as the very best. One woman however, brother, is worse than another. — Meg. I think the same thing, nor am I fixed ever to oppose you about that affair, sister. — Eun. Give attention to me now, my dear brother. — Meg. It is yours, use and command it, if you wish any thing. — Eun. I come to advise you, as to that which I think best to your advantage. — Meg. Sister, you act now in your usual manner. — Eun. I wish things were really acted. — Meg. [In surprise.] What is it, sister? [Two lines omitted.] — Eun. I wish you to bring a wife home. Meg. Hah ! I am now un- done ! — Eun. Why thus? — Meg. Because your words dis- tract me in misery, sister. You speak stones at my head. — Eun. Heighday ! But do this thing that your sister orders AULULARIA. 7 you. — Meg. If it may please you, I will do it. — Ettn. This thing is to your good. — Meg. That I may die truly before I shall marry ; but if you are willing to give any wife to me, I will marry her with these conditions, she who may come to-morrow must be carried out of doors the day after to- morrow, sister. With these laws give me whom you like to give, and prepare the wedding. — Eun. I am able to give you a wife, brother, with a very great portion ; but she is some- what advanced in age; I mean the middle age of woman is hers, and if, brother, you order me to demand her for you, I will demand her.— Meg. Do you wish that I should not ask you a question? — Eun. Ask it truly, if you wish any thing. — Meg. Speaking of a man, who after middle age marries a wife of a middle age, if the old man shall haply have a child, do you doubt but that child may be called the last? Now I will drive off and diminish that uneasiness from you, sister. By the power of the gods, and of my, ancestors, I am rich enough. I regard not those great families, high dispositions, plentiful portions, sounds and pomps, carriages of ivory, vestments and purple, which things by their expense reduce men to a state of degradation. — Eun. Tell me, prithee, who is she, whom you wish to marry? — Meg. I will speak it out. Have you known this old fellow, Euclio, a poor mean man hard by ? — Eun. I have known him, a man not bad indeed. — Meg. I am desirous that his virgin daughter be betrothed to me. Do not make any words about it, sister ! I know what you are about to say, that this girl is poor. This poor girl pleases me. — Eun. May the gods prosper the affair ! — Meg. I hope the same. — Eun. What then? do you want me as to any thing now ? — Meg. [Shaking hands with her.] Farewell ! — Eun. Farewell also thou, my brother! [Exit Eunomia into Megadorus's house.] — Meg. [solus.] I will now meet Euclio, if he is at home. [Euclio appears at the back scene, slowly hobbling along.] But behold him ! I know not from whence the man is betaking himself home. [He steps aside.] M. ACCII PLAUTI SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Eu clio from the back scene, and hobbles on, not seeing Megadorus. Euc. When I was going from home, my mind foreboded, that I should go in vain. Therefore I did depart unwilling. For no one of the law people came, nor the master of the court, whom it behoved to divide the money. Now I hurry to get quickly home. For I myself am here, but my mind is at home. — Meg. [Advancing towards him.~\ May you be well in health, Euclio, and happy at all times ! — Euc. May the gods love you, Megadorus ! — Meg. How are you ? Are you well in health ? and as you wish ? — Euc. [Turning aside.] It is not unintentional, when a rich man speaks kindly to a poor man. Now the man there knows that I have gold, and for that reason salutes me the more kindly. — Meg. Do you say that you are well? — Euc. I am not over well truly in regard to money. — Meg. In truth if your mind is proper, you have enough ; you who can pass life well. — Euc. [Aside.'] By Hercules, the old woman discovered to him about my gold. Plainly, it is all abroad. She, whose tongue I will just now chop off, and scoop out her eyes at home. — Meg. What are you speaking alone with yourself? — Euc. I am grumbling about my poverty. I have a lass grown up with- out a portion, and who cannot be put into wedlock, nor am I able to marry her off to any one. — Meg. Be silent, and have courage, Euclio ! She shall be given ; you shall be as- sisted by me. Say if you have need of any thing, and com- mand me. — Euc. [Aside.] Now when he promises, he is seeking my property, and is gaping to devour my gold. In one hand he carries a stone, and shews bread in the other. I trust to no man, who in wealth is abundantly coaxing to a poor man. When he gives his hand with kindness, there he lays on that man some damage. I have known well those extortioners, who hold fast to themselves whatever they may have touched. — Meg. Attend to me awhile. There is a matter, Euclio, which I wish in a few w T ords to speak to you of, concerning a common affair of mine and yours. — Euc. [Aside.] Alas! wretched me ! My gold within has been grappled! Now I know he means as to that matter, to make AULULARtA. V some agreement with me. But I will go to examine my house. [He goes towards his door.~] Meg. Where are you departing? Euc. I will return to you just now. In truth there is something, on account of which I must go home. [Exit Euclio into his house.] Meg. [Solus.] I verily believe, when I shall have made mention concerning his daughter, that he may give her to me in marriage, he will think that he is laughed at by me. There is no other man this day more distressed from poverty. [Enter Euclio from his house.] Euc. [Aside.] The Gods do preserve me. My money is safe. It is a secure thing, if none of it is deficient. I have been sadly frightened. Before I returned within doors, I was almost dead with terror. [He goes up to Megadorus.] I return to you, if you wish to say any thing to me, Mega- dorus. — Meg. I thank you. I beg as to what I shall ask, that it may not grieve you to speak out freely. — Euc. While indeed you may not ask any thing, that it can be unpleasant to me to speak about. — Meg. Tell me from what quality of family you think me descended. — Euc. From a good stock. — Meg. What do you think of my honesty? — Euc. Good and right. — Meg. What of my actions ? — Euc. Neither bad nor wicked. — Meg. Do you know my age? — Euc. I know that it is great, as well as your property. — Meg. Certainly and truly indeed I have always thought you a citizen without a bad intention, and I think so now. — Euc. [Aside.] He smells the gold. [To Megadorus.] What now do you wish of me 1—rMeg. Because you know me, and I know you, of what quality you may be, here is a matter which may turn out well both to me and you, and also your daughter. I ask for your daughter to be my wife ! Promise now that this shall be. — Euc. Heigh-day, Megadorus ! you are doing an action not worthy of your usual deeds, that you can mock me who am poor, and harmless towards you and your family. For I have merited from you neither by conduct, nor by words, that you should do what you are now doing. — Meg. Nei- ther in truth do I come to mock you, nor do I laugh at you, nor do I think you worthy of it. — Euc. Why do you therefore ask for my daughter for yourself? — Meg. That on account of me, it may be the better for you, and on account of you and yours, it may be better for me. — Euc. This thing comes into my mind, Megadorus, that you are a rich man, 10 M. ACCII PLAUTI and promising to do great things ; also that I am a man, the poorest of poor men. Now if I shall have married my daughter to you, it comes into my mind, that you are the strong Ox, and that I am the Ass. When I may be yoked with you, and when I may not be able to carry the load equally, I the poor Ass may lie in the mire. You the great Ox may not care about me more, than if I never were born ; and I may find you most unjust, and my rank of people may laugh at me ; no where may I have a fixed stall, if there may be any separation of us. Other Asses may tear me with their teeth, and oxen may gore me. This danger is a great one, that I should aspire from the station of Asses, to that of Oxen. — Meg. As far as you shall have joined yourself very closely to good men in alliance, so far it is very good for you. Receive thou this proposal ! Listen to me, and betroth that girl to me ! — Euc. But there is nothing of portion, that I can give. Meg. You must not give it. As long as she may come to me, rightly endowed with morality, she is suf- ficiently portioned. — Euc. I say it for that reason that you may not think that I have found any treasures. — Meg. I have known it; teach me not; contract her to me. — Euc. Let it be done. But, O Jupiter ! [Starts and looks about.] Have I not perished! — Meg. What is the matter to you? — Euc. What sounded just now, as it were iron? — Meg. Here at my premises I ordered them to dig the garden. [Exit Euclio, hobbling fast into his house.~\ — Meg. [Looking round.] But where is the man ? he has gone away, and not made me more certain of the matter. He detests me. Because he sees me wish for his friendship, he acts after the manner of men; where if a rich man goes to ask the kindness of the poorer, the poor man fears to have to do with him ; through fear he behaves badly. The same man, when the opportunity has passed, desires it afterward too late. [Enter Euclio from his house, turns round, and speaks to Sta phyla within.] — Euc. By Hercules, if I shall not have given you up [shakes his stick at her] to have your tongue cut out from the very roots, I order and authorise that you put me out to be muti- lated. [He turns to Megadorus, and the door is shut.] — Meg. I really see, Euclio, that you think me a fit man, whom you may make sport of, on account of my old age, and with none of my deserving it. — Euc. In truth I neither do so, Mega- AULULARIA. It dorus, nor if I can desire it, have I the power. — Meg. How now ? Do you now betroth your daughter to me ? — Euc. With those conditions. With that dowry which I mentioned to you. — Meg. Do you betroth her therefore ? — Euc. I do betroth her ; may the gods prosper it ! — Meg. So may the gods have acted ! — Euc. Cause yourself to remember that you agreed upon that, that my daughter should not bring- any portion to you. — Meg. I remember it. — Euc, But I know in what manner ye of your sort can be used to act captiously. Thus an agreement is not an agreement. A compact at this time is a compact just as it pleases you. — Meg. I will have no disagreement with you. But is there any reason, why we may not have the nuptials to-day ? — Euc. Truly the reason for them is very good. — Meg. I will go therefore, and pre- pare matters. Do you want me as to any thing ? — Euc. Only asto that. — Meg. Itshallfe. Farewell! [Megadorus goes to the door of his house, and calls out.] Hillo ! Strobilus ! follow me hastily and diligently to the meat-market. [Exit Megadorus at the back scene.'] — Euc. [solus.] He hath de- parted hence. Immortal Gods, I beseech you! what a powerful thing is gold ! I do believe this man now has heard, that I have a treasure at home. He is gaping after that. On that account he has persisted strongly as to this alliance. [Euclio goes towards his house.] SCENA TERTIA. Euclio stops at the door of his house, opens it, and calls to Staph y la within. Euc. Where art thou, who have now babbled to all the neighbours that I was to give a portion to my daughter ? Hillo! Staphyla! you I call. Do you hear me at all? Hasten, and wash well the vessels within. I have betrothed my daughter to-day. I shall give her into marriage with Megadorus. [Enter Staphyla from the house.] — Sta. [Clap- ping her hands together.] May the Gods prosper it ! But, my stars ! it cannot be. It is too sudden a thing. — Euc. Hold your prating, and go away. Make things be properly ready, when I shall return home from the Forum. And shut up the house. I will be here just now. [Exit Euclio at the back scene, hobbling fast.]—Sta. [sola.] What now shall I do ? 12 M. ACCII PLAUTI Ruin is now near us, both to me and my master's daughter; for her shame and lying-in are near at hand, so that it must become public. What has been hitherto concealed and hidden, cannot be so now. I will go indoors, that what my master commanded, may be done, when he arrives. But truly I fear sad grief to myself, lest I may drink foul liquor soon. [Exit Sta phyla into Euclio's house.] SCENA QUARTA. [Omitted, as silly farce.] SCENA QUINTA. [Omitted for the same reason."] SCENA SEXTA. Enter from the back scene Strobilus,Megadorus's servant, with men carrying baskets of meat and provisions, followed by Anthorax and Congrio, two cooks, and by a minstrel. Stro. [Knocking at Euclio's door.] Hillo ! Staphyla! go forth, and open the door! — Sta. [within.] Who calls me? — Stro. Strobilus. [Staphyla enters from the house.] — Sta. What do you want? — Stro. That you may receive these cooks, and the flute-player, and the provisions, against the nuptials. Megadorus ordered me to send these things to Euclio. — Sta. Prithee, Strobilus, are they about to celebrate these nuptials to Ceres ? — Stro. How so ? — Sta. Because I understand that no strong wine has been brought hither. — Stro. But now it shall be brought, if he himself may have returned from the Forum. — Sta. There are no billets of wood here at our house. — Cook. Are there rafters here? — Sta. There are so. — Cook. Those are pieces of wood, therefore ; Seek not for them out of doors. — Sta. What, you wretch ? Though you wish for fire, is it for the sake of the supper, or for the matter of your own hire, that you are asking us to burn our own house? — Cook. I do not ask that. — Stro. Conduct us inside the house. — Sta. Follow me all of you. [Staphyla goes before them into Euclio's house, they follow her, and Exeunt omnes.] AULULARIA. 13 SCENA SEPTIMA. Enter Pytho dicus from Megadorus's house, and speaks to those within. Pyth. Mind ye your business. I will go to see what the cooks may be doing. [Turns away, and the door is shut.] In truth, to watch this day is my principal business. Unless I may mind this one thing, it is possible the fellows may cook the supper in the dry well, and from thence we shall bring it up in baskets, when ready cooked. But if they shall devour it down below when they shall have dressed any victuals, the upper people are starved, and the lower stomachs stuffed. But I am chattering here, as if there were no business to attend to, when such a troop of rapa- cious robbers can be in the house. [Exit Pythodicus into Euclio's house.] SCENA OCTAVA. Enter Euclio from the back scene, with garlands of flowers in his hand, slowly hobbling forwards. Euc. I wished at length this day to establish a resolution, that I would be in comfort at the marriage of my daughter. I come to the market ; I ask for fishes. They tell me that they are dear. They tell me that lamb is also dear ; that beef is dear ; veal also ; large sea-fish too ; and pork. In short, that all things are dear. And though they had been dearer, I had no money. I go away in anger from thence, because I have nothing wherewithal I can purchase. In this way I deceive all these rascals. Then I began to think with myself in the streets, thus : " If you may have squandered away any thing on a festival day, it may be that you shall want on a common day, unless you shall have spared some- thing." After I set forth this reasoning to my heart, and stomach, my mind acceded to this opinion, and how r , with the smallest cash possible, I might give my daughter iri marriage. I have now bought a small piece of frankincense, and these garlands of flowers. These things shallbeput on the 14 M. ACCII PLAUTI fireplace to our Lar of the family, that he may make the nuptials of my daughter fortunate. [He looks at his door, and sees it standing open, and starts in surprise.'} But why do I see my house open ? [He listens.] And there is a noise within ! Am I plundered, wretched man? [Congrio the Cook speaks within.] — Cong. Get a larger box, if you can, in the neigh- bourhood. This is a small one, and cannot hold it. — Euc. [Clapping his hands and lifting up his eyes.] Woe to me ! By Hercules I have perished ! My gold is plundered, and a box is looked for. I am killed outright, unless I hurry in haste to run hither in doors. [Lifts up his hands,] Apollo, I pray, assist and help me ! with your arrow strike through the thieves of my treasure ! It is I, whom you assisted before in such a matter ! But am I delaying now to run, before I have totally perished? [Euclio runs into his house.] SCENA NONA. Enter Anthorax the Cook, and calls to the Scullions. Anth. Dromo, scale off the fishes. Do you, Macario, split along the back that conger eel, as fast as you can ; and make all be roasted, while I am absent. [Three lines omitted.] But what is this clamour that is up hard by ? [A great noise is heard in Euclio's house.] The cooks certainly, I believe, are doing their work ! I will escape inside there, [pointing opposite] lest any of the disturbance may be here also. [Exit Anthorax hastily into Megadorus's house.] ACTUS TERTIUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Congrio the Cook hastily from Euclio's house, claps the door after him, and goes to and fro, shrugging his shoulders, and rubbing his arms and back in great pain. Con. [Loudly roaring.] O ye welcome citizens, neigh- bours, inhabitants, borderers, and foreigners, all of ye, make way now where I may escape, and make all the streets be wide open for me ! I never till this day came to the rag- AULULARIA. 15 ing Bacchanals, and their Bacchanalian place of meeting, to dress victuals! and now they have cursedly pounded wretched me and my scullions with their clubs and blud- geons. [He rubs his arms and sides.] I am in pain all over, and actually dead, for that old fellow kept me there at his bruising-school. [He looks at Euclio's door.] Ah! sad! sad ! I am done for now, miserable as I am ! The Baccha- nalian place opens ! here he is ! He is following them up ! I know what I will do. [He catches up a stick from the ground.] The master himself taught me this. I never saw sticks given to me more welcome. [Enter all the other people, Cook's Deputies, and Scullions, and Minstrel, rushing from the house, driven in by Euclio, with a great stick in his hand.] So he has driven all of us out of doors, me and these, with clubs laid on their backs. SCENA SECUNDA. Euclio calls out, while Congrio and the rest are running off. Euc. [To Congrio.] Come back! why are you flying away now? Stop! Stop! — Con. [Turning round.] Why do you thus cry out, silly old gentleman ? — Euc. Truly I will now give in your name to the Triumviri. — Cong. For what reason? — Euc. Because you have a knife. — Cong. It is right that a cook should have one. — Euc. What, have you threaten'd me or not? — Cong. I think it was badly done, that I have not dug your side with it. — Euc. There is no man that may live to-day, more wicked than you, nor any one, whom I may more willingly and purposely have pu- nished. — Cong. Now, though you may be silent about it, it is plain indeed, and the thing itself testifies the matter, for with your clubs wretched I am made softer than any tum- bler. But with respect to us, what have we to do with you, you old beggar-man? What business have we with you? — Euc. Do you ask that now? Is it because I have done less, than was due to you? — Cong. Let that alone. Now, by Hercules, it shall be with great trouble to you, since this hand of mine feels so painful. — Euc. I know not indeed what may happen hereafter, I know your skull feels some- thing now. But what business had von in my house, I b«*- 16 M. ACCII PLAUTI ing absent, unless I had ordered you? I want to know that. Cong. Hold your tongue then. It was because we have to cook for the nuptials. — Euc. Why, a curse ! are you to care, whether I shall have eaten raw meat or roast meat ? unless you are my guardian. — Cong. I wish to know, whether you may suffer, or not suffer us, to cook the supper here. — Euc. I also wish to know, whether my snoods at my house are to be safe from plunder. — Cong. I wish only I may take away my goods which I brought here, safe and sound to me. It does not trouble me, whether I may covet your things. — Euc. I know ; do not teach me ; I have known you. — Cong. What is it, on what account now may you hinder us to cook the supper here ? What have we done ? What have we said to you otherwise than you would wish ? — Euc. Are you asking still, thou wicked man, who make all the corners and closets of my house a thoroughfare? When you had that employment, that you should be at my fireplace, you should have had a skull that could not be split. That deed was done to you deservedly. Therefore that you may be able to know my sentence on you now, if you shall have approached to the door, hither at all nearer, until I shall have ordered you, I will make you the wretchedest mortal upon earth. [He shakes his stick at him.~\ Now do you know my mind ? [Congrio steps away.~\ Where are you going off? Come back here again. — Cong. So may the Goddess of Thieves love me, but unless you order my pots and skillets to be returned to me, I will vex you with loud abuse before the house. [Exit Euclio into his house.'] What shall I do now ? Really and truly I came here with unlucky auspices. I was hired for wages of money. [He rubs his bruised head.] There is now more need of a surgeon than my wages ! SCENA TERTIA. Enter Eucuo with a square box under his arm, half hid by his cloak. Euc. This, indeed and verily, shall be with me, wherever I shall go. [He kisses the box.] I will carry this with me now j nor will I ever commit it to that place to be in such perils. [He turns and speaks to Congrio and the others behind him.] AULULARIA, 17 Go ye now at once in-doors all of you, both cooks and min- strels. Introduce also, if you choose, even a whole flock of hirelings; cook ye, bustle and hurry now at once, as much as it pleases you. — Cong. It is in good season, after you have loaded their heads with blows of clubs. — Euc. [Pointing to his doo7\~\ Go in-doors you ! Your work has been hired for this place, and not an oration. — Cong. Harkye, old Gentle- man ! For being beaten, I shall certainly demand from you a sum of money. I was hired a short time since to cook, and not to be beaten. — Euc. Go to law with me then ! But don't be troublesome. Go and cook the supper ! Or else go away from the house to the devil ! — Cong. Get you gone, you now, to the devil ! [Exewit Cong Rio and his party at the back scene. Manet Euclio.] SCENA QCJARTA. Euc. He has departed hence. [Meditates.] O immortal gods, a poor man, who has begun to hold communication or business with a rich man, attempts a bold undertaking. How Megadorus annoys me in all ways ! who pretended to send cooks here for the sake of honour to me, but he sent them really with that intention, that they should plunder this [puts his hand on his box] from wretched me. Suitably also my dunghill-cock within, a favourite of the old woman, very nearly destroyed me ; for he began there to scratch with his claws, every where round the place, where these things were buried. What need is there of words? My anger kindled at this. I catch up a club and kill the cock, the evident thief. I believe really that the cooks promised a reward to that cock, if he should have made a discovery as to that treasure. I took away the means out of their hands. What need have I of words ? The battle raged about the dunghill-cock. [He looks towards the back scene.] But behold him, Megadorus my new relation is stepping here from the Forum! I cannot venture to pass by him, but I will now stay here, and talk with him. [He retires on one side close to his door.] 18 M. ACCII PLAUTI SCENA QUINTA. Enter Megadorus/tow the back scene, and advances to the front. Meg. I have mentioned to my friends my intention con- cerning this compact. They praise the daughter of Euclio ; and that it is done wisely, and with good counsel. For truly in my mind, if others may do the same, and that richer men may take home as wives the daughters of poorer men with- out portion, the State would both be much more united, and we should meet much less envy, than we now meet. [Lines are omitted down to the third line from the end of the scene, as being intolerably dull and unentertaiuing.~] In truth, she who is unportioned is in the power of her husband. Portioned women destroy their husbands with expense and loss. [Turning round, he sees Euclio.] But behold him, my new relation, before his house! What do you say, Euclio ? SCENA SEXTA. Euclio advances to Megadorus,owc? addresses him. Euc. Very willingly indeed I have devoured your speech. — Meg. Do you say so ? have you heard me ? — Euc . From the very beginning I have heard all things. — Meg. However, according to my mind indeed you would act somewhat more properly, if you may be cleaner in person at the marriage of your daughter. — Euc. They who have elegance instead of of property, and finery instead of affluence, may recollect themselves, from what source they may in future rise. Nor truly, Medagorus, to me or any other poor man, is their rightly established household betterthan might be estimated. - - Meg. Truly yours is established, and may the gods grant that it may exist so, and may they prosper that which you now have, more and more ! — Euc. [Going aside.] That ex- pression does not please me, " which you now have." He knows as well as myself, that I have this gold. The old woman discovered it to him. — Meg. Why do you separate yourself alone thus out of our council? — Euc. In truth I was meditating, that I may deservedly accuse you. — Meg. What is it? — Euc. Do you ask me what it may be? You who have filled all the corners in my house with thieves sent to me a miserable man ; You who have sent within my house AULULAIUA. 19 five hundred cooks, each of them with six hands, of the race of Geryon; whom if Argus were to keep, who was all eyes, and whom Juno once made keeper to Io, he could never watch them. Likewise you sent me a flute-player, who alone is able, if a fountain burst out with wine, to drink for me the Corinthian spring Pirene. But then the provisions. — Meg. Truly there is enough even for a legion of soldiers, ' I also sent a lamb. — Euc. Than which lamb of yours I know well, that there was no where any beast more lean and scraggy. — Meg. I wish to know from you, what lamb can be that scraggy beast. — Euc. That which is all bones and skin, he so wastes away with agony ; besides you may see his bowels in the sun, even when alive, he so shines through, as it were a Punic lanthorn. — Meg. I brought it for slaughter. — Euc. Then it is best that you alike may bargain for it to be carried out ; for now I believe it is dead. — Meg. I am willing, Euclio, to drink with you to-day. — Euc^ I must not indeed and in truth drink to-day. — Meg. But I shall have ordered one cask of old wine to be brought from my house. — Euc. I do not wish it tiuly ; for it is decreed to me to drink water. — Meg. I will make you moistened this day finely, but with wine however, given to you, to whom it is decreed to drink water. — Euc. [Aside] I know what affair he must be at ; that he may overcome me with wine ; now he aims at that mode, and afterward that this gold that I have, may change its settlement ; — I will guard against that ; for I will thrust it away from the house somewhere ; I will have caused that he may have lost both his labour and his wine at the same time. — Meg. Unless you want me as to any thing, I am going to wash, in order that I may perform sacred rites. [Exit Me- gadorus into his house.] — Euc. [Solus.] Truly and verily, thou, little chest of mine, [takes his box from under his cloak, and hugs it to his breast] hast many enemies, and that gold which is trusted to you. Now this is the best deed for me, that I may carry off thee, my good Box, into the temple of Fides. There will I hide it carefully. Thou hast known me, O God- dess Fides, and I thee. Take care to yourself that you may not have changed your name towards me, if I trust this to you. I will now go to thee, O Fides, relying on thy good faith. [Exit Euclio with his box of gold, at the side scene, hav- ing covered the box with his cloak.] 20 M. ACCII PLAUTI ACTUS QUARTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter from the back scene Strobilus, Lyconides's servant, and advances to the front. Stro. This is the business of an honest servant, to do what I am now intent upon. Nor let the command of a master have to itself any thing of delay or troublesomeness. For what- ever servant desires to serve his master rightly, it behoves him to do things for his master early and soon, but for him- self late. Now if he may doze, let him doze so, that he may still think himself a servant employed. In truth he who gives his servitude to a master that is in love, as I now serve, if he perceives love to overcome his master, I think that it is the duty of a servant to restrain him for his good, not to drive him into that, to which he may incline. [Eight lines omitted.'] Now my master loves the daughter of this poor man Euclio. It was just now told to my master, that she was given in marriage to this Megadorus. He sent me hither therefore to spy out, in order that he may know the things that might be done. Now, without any suspicion, I will sit down here by the sacred altar. Hence I shall be able, both here and there, to judge what they may be about. [He sits down at the side scene close by the altar.'] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Euclio at the side scene, where he had before gone oat towards the temple of Fides. He turns round, and looks towards the temple he had quitted. Euc. [Clapping his hands together.] O my Goddess Fides! do thou take care, how you shall have told anyone, that my gold is there. [He turns away.] I do not fear lest any one may find it, it is so well fixed in a hiding-place. Verily and truly, if any one shall have found that box loaded with gold, he can have a noble plunder ! [He turns and stretches his hands towardsjhe temple.] But I beseech thee, O Fides, that thou wilt have hindered that ! — I will now wash me, that I may AULULARIA. 21 do sacred rites, and lest I may delay my relation, and that when he may call on me, he may at once lead my daughter home. [Stretches out his hands to the temple again.] Over and over again now watch, O Fides, that I may carry away my box safe from you again ! To thy trust I have confided my gold. In thy grove and temple it is now placed. [Euclio comes up the stage and exit into his own house.] — Stro. [Coming forth from the altar.] What a great deed, O immortal gods, do I hear this man speak of! that he has hid a box loaded with gold here within the temple ! O Fides, beware how you may be more faithful to him, I entreat you, than to me ! And this chap, I think, is the father of her, whom my master loves. I will go hence within, and search the temple, if I can find the gold any where, while this old gentleman is employed. But if I shall have found it, O beloved Fides, I will make for you a gallon-jug chuck full of nice honeyed wine. I will certainly make it for you ; but when I shall have done that, faith I will drink it myself. [Exit Strobi- lus at the side scene towards the temple.] SCENA TERTIA. Enter Euclio from his house in great agitation. Euc. It is not for nothing, that a raven is croaking on the left hand side. He scraped the ground once with his feet, and was then croaking with his voice. Immediately my heart began to dance about, and to jump into my breast. But I am delaying to run here. [He hobbles fast towards the side scene, making for the temple, and exit.] SCENA QUARTA. Enter Euclio at the side scene where he went out, dragging Strobilus with one hand, and beating him with his stick with the other. Euc. Get out! Get out! you earthworm, who crept just now under the earth, and appeared there awhile ago ! Now, when you do appear, by Apollo, I will have you in a wretched plight, you vile juggler you ! — Stro. [Getting loose from him.] What curst evil agitates you? What dealing have you with E 22 M. ACCII PLAUTI me, old fellow? Why do you pester me? Why do you drag me ? for what cause do you flog me ? — Euc. Thou fellow, most worthy of flogging, do you even ask me that ? You are not only a thief, but a triple thief. — Stro. What have I stole from you? — Euc. [Flogging him.] Give it back here. — Stro. What do you want I may give back to you? — Euc. Do you ask ? — Stro. Indeed I took nothing from you. — Euc. But give me that which you had taken from me. — Stro. Aha! what are you at? — Euc. What may I be at ? You can't carry it off now. — Stro. What do you want for yourself ? — Euc. [Lifting up his stick.'] Put it down now. — Stro. I believe really and truly, old Gentleman, that you are used to give to others. — Euc. Lay down this now ! away with your scoffing, I do not trifle now. — Stro. What shall I lay down ? why do you not speak it out now, whatever it is, by its own name? Truly and indeed I have not taken, nor touched any thing. — Euc. Shew your hands here. — Stro. [Hides his hands.] Ah ! ha! you now ! — Euc. Shew them, I say. — Stro. [Hold- ing out his hands.] Look at them. — Euc. I see them; But come now, shew me your third hand also. — Stro. [Turning away and stamping.] Ghosts, and furies, and insanities agitate this old man! are you giving me ill usage or not ? — Euc. I allow it ; the greatest, because you won't mind the thing, and it shall be also now, unless you confess. — Stro. What may I confess to you? — Euc. What have you carried off hence? — Stro. May the gods destroy me, if I have taken away any thing of yours ! — Euc. But I would not wish you took it therefore ! come now, shake out your cloak. — Stro. For your judgment? — Euc. Lest you may have it between your waistcoats. — Stro. Try where it pleases you. — Euc. Aha ! how kindly the rogue talks, that I may think he has not taken it away ! I have known your tricks! come again, shew me your right hand here. — Stro, [Shewing his hand.] Well there ! — Euc. Now shew your left hand. — Stro. [Stretching out both hands.] Why! now I hold forth both to you. — Euc. I now omit to search you. But give it me back here. — Stro. What shall I give back ? — Euc. Ah, you are trifling ; you certainly have it. — Stro, Have I? what have I ? — Euc. I do not say. You are wishing to hear. Give back that of mine, whatsoever you have. — Stro, You are mad ! you have examined at your own pleasure, nor have you found any thing of yours about me. [He is struggling AULULARIA. 23 away.] Euc. Stop ! stop ! who was that other, that was within here along with you ? [Aside.] By Hercules, I am undone ! That fellow within now troubles me ! If I let go this one, he will have marched off. Lastly, I have now ex- amined this man, and he has nothing. [Turns round to Strobilus, as he is holding him by the arm, with uplifted stick.] Begone thou, where it pleases you ! \_Lets him go.] May Jupiter and the gods destroy you ! — Stro. Finely he gives his thanks to me. — Euc. I will go hence within there, and will immediately throttle that accomplice of yours. Fly hence thou from my sight ! [.A pause, and he stamps with his foot.] Do you go hence or not ? — Stro. [Seeming to go.] I am going away. — Euc. [Shaking his stick at him.] Take care that I may not see you ever again. [Exit Euclio at the side scene towards the temple. — Manet Strobilus.] SCENA QUINTA. Storbilus solus. Stro. I would rather that I died with a painful death, than that I may not lay snares to-day for that old fellow ! Cer- tainly he will not dare to hide the gold here any more. I believe he will bring it back with him now immediately, and change the place of hiding. [He looks out at the side scene.] Ah ! ha ! there *s a noise from the doors of the temple ! Behold him, the old man is bringing the gold out of doors ! For a while I shall have stepped aside here near the temple gate. [Exit Strobilus, hastily, at an adjacent side scene.] SCENA SEXTA. Enter Euclio, with his box under his arm, half covered with his cloak. Euc. I used to think that the very greatest dependence was to be placed on the goddess Fides. She has very nearly deceived me. Unless the raven might have come to my as- sistance, I should have wretched perished. I can much wish in truth as to that raven, who made the discovery, that he may come to me ; and that I may tell him of something good 24 M. Accn PLAUTI for him ; for I may as well give him his victuals, as lose it all. [He uncovers his box, and looks at it.] Now I am think- ing of a lonely place, where I may hide this gold. The grove of Sylvanus outside the wall is unfrequented, and tilled with many a willow. There will I get a place for it. I am determined, that I may better trust to Sylvanus than Fides. [Exit Euclio at the back scene, having carefully covered the box under his arm with his cloak.'] Enter Strobilus at the side scene, where he had gone out. Stro. Well done ! well done ! The gods wish me safe and preserved. Now will I run before to that place, and get up into some tree, and observe from thence where the old gen- tleman may hide his gold. Although my master had ordered me to wait for him here, I am resolved, that I will rather seek for ill-usage, when attended thus with emolument and lucre. [Exit Strobilus at the back scene in haste after the old man.] SCENA SEPTIMA. Enter Eunomia and her son Lyconides/towi Megadorus's house. Lye. I have told you the affair, my mother. You nearly understand with me the business in regard to Euclio's daughter. Now I beseech you, make mention of the matter to my uncle, and I beseech again, mother, as to that which I had lately entreated of you to accomplish. — Eun. You yourself know, that I wish those things should be done, which you may be inclined to ; and I trust that I shall ob- tain that from my brother ; and the reason is proper, if indeed it is so as you declare, that you violated that virgin, when you were overcome with the effects of wine. — Lye. Can I possibly tell a falsity before you, O my mother? — [Ph^edria cries out in labour, in Euclio's house.] Ehad. JunoLucina! I call on thy protection, Juno Lucina, oh ! — Lye. I find a better reason, O my mother, for she is crying out, and in labour. — Eun. Go this way in-doors, my son, to my brother^ that I may effect for you that which you now entreat of me ; and that I may have that which you beg of me, obtained AULULAKIA. 25 from him. — Lye. Go on, I immediately now follow you, mother. [Exit EimoMiA into Megadorus's house.'] But now as to my servant Strobilus, I wonder where he can be, whom I had ordered to wait for me here. I now think with myself, if he attends to me in reality, it is wrong that I should be angry with him. I will go in-doors, since these meetings are about my life and existence. [Exit Lyconides into Megadorus's house.] SCENA OCTAVA. Enter Strobilus with Euclio's box of gold under his arm. Stro. [solus.] I alone exceed in the riches of Picus, those who inhabit mountains of gold. Now I am unwilling to mention those other kings, beggarly fellows. [He struts about.] I am that rich king Philip. O beautiful day for me ! For as I departed hence just now, I got to that place long before him, and fixed myself up in a tree long before he came, and from thence spied out where the old fellow was hiding his gold. When he departed, I get myself down from the tree, and dig up the box full of gold. Thence from that place I observe the old man take himself off. He does not observe me, for I now took myself aside a little, outside the pathway. [He looks at the back scene.] Ah, ha ! behold the man himself! I will go home, that I may hide this gold. [Exit Strobilus hastily, at a side scene.] SCENA NONA. Enter Euclio bareheaded, tearing his hair, and stamping, and wringing his hands. Euc. [Speaking loudly and rapidly.] I have perished ! I am done for! I am dead ! Where shall I run? Where shall I not run? Stop! stop! [running to the side scetie.] Whom have I here? Who is there? I know not ! I see nothing! I walk blind! and where I may go, or where I may be, or who I may be, I cannot in my mind find out for certain ! [Stands at the side scene, addressing a supposed crowd outside.] I beseech you all, help me, I pray and beg ! and shew me 26 M. ACCII PLAUTI the man who can have taken it away! [Four lines omitted.] Alas ! wretched me ! wretched me ! I have perished, unhap- pily destroyed ! I am in sad plight, so much of groaning and mournful grief has this day brought to me, and hunger, and poverty! [Claps his hands.] I am the most wretched of all men on the earth ! For what need have I of life, who have lost so much gold? which I guarded diligently and carefully. I myself defrauded myself and my inclination, and my disposition ! now others rejoice in that my misfor- tune and loss. I cannot bear it ! [He tears his hair, and at length claps his hand to his forehead, and remains silent, standing near his own door.] Enter Lycon ides from the house of Meg a dor us. Lye. What man howling and grieving, complains here be- 'fore our house? [Sees Euclio.] This is certainly Euclio. I think 'tis he. [Lowers his voice.] I am utterly lost ! the matter is all abroad ! he knows now, as I imagine, that his daughter has lain in. It is uncertain to me now, what I shall do. Must I go away, or remain here ? Whether may I go up to him or run aw r ay? I do not know in truth, what I shall do ! SCENA DECIMA. Luc. [Looking up.] What man is speaking here ? — Lye. I am here. — Euc. Truly I am wretched, and miserably lost, who have misfortunes so great, and to whom so much sorrow has happened. — Lye. Be of good courage ! — Euc. By what means prithee, can I be so? — Lye. Because as to that deed that troubles your mind, I have done it, and now confess it. — Euc. [Starti?ig in surprise.] What do I hear from you? — Lye. That which is true. — Euc. What of evil, young man, have I deserved, wherefore you should do so, and should go to destroy me and my children? — Lye. The god im- pelled me, he enticed me to her. — Euc. How ? — Lye. I con- fess that I have done wrong, and know that I have deserved blame. Therefore I come as to that to supplicate you, that with a gentle and kind mind you may pardon me. — Euc. W T hy have you dared to do that deed, that you should touch that, which could not be yours ? — Lye. What do you wish AULULAR1A. 27 to be done ? That thing has been done, and it cannot become undone. I believei;hat the gods willed it ; for unless they might be willing, it could not happen, I know. — Euc. But I believe that the gods were willing, that I must have tor- ture 'in the pillory through you. — Lye. You cannot have said that. — Eric. Why therefore do you touch mine, I being unwilling? — Eye. Because I did so from the fault of wine and love. — Euc. Thou most audacious man ! that you should have dared to come hither to me, with that speech, thou shameless man ! for if that is law, so as you may be able to excuse the matter, we may plunder gold from matron women openly in the clear day-light, and after that exploit, we may make an excuse, if we are caught, that we were drunk, and did it for the sake of love. Wine is a most execrable thing, and also love, if it is lawful for a drunken man, and one in love, to do what may please him without punishment. — Lye. But I came to you of my own accord to supplicate you on account of my folly. — Euc. Those men do not please me, who, when they have done a bad deed, clear it away. You knew that it was not yours. It was proper that it should be untouched. — Lye. Therefore because I have dared to touch what belonged to you, I plead no otherwise, but that I may most properly have it. — Euc. May you have mine, I being unwilling ? — Lye. I do not ask this, you being un- willing ; but I think that it is right, she should be mine. But as to her, you will find it right, Euclio, I say, that that property of yours should be mine. — Euc. [Shaking his fist at him.] Unless you bring it back — Lye. What shall I bring back to you ? — Euc. That of mine which you stole away. Now by Hercules, verily I will drag you to the Praetor, and bring an action at law against you. — Lye. Do I steal away any thing of thine ? whence, or what is it? — Euc. So shall Jupiter love me, what ! are you ignorant? — Lye. Un- less indeed you shall have told me, what you can be inquir- ing about. — Euc. I say I am asking back from you a box of gold which you confessed to me that you took away. — Lye. In truth I never said it, nor have I done it. — Euc. Do you deny it? — Lye. I deny it plump ; for neither do I know that gold, nor what that box may be, nor have I known it. — Euc. [Eagerly and fiercely.] Give me that box, which you had taken out of the grove of Sylvanus ! Go and bring it back ; 28 M. ACCII PLAUTI I will divide with you a half-share, and better. Although you are a thief to me, I will not be troublesome. Go then, and bring it back. — Lye. You are not in your senses, who can call me a thief: I thought, Euclio, that you had dis- covered about another affair. It is what appertains to me, it is an affair of consequence, which I am desirous to speak of with you leisurely, if you have now leisure. — Euc. Tell me now with good conscience ; you have not then plundered that gold? — Lye. I do say it with a good conscience. — Euc. You do not know who may have taken it away? — Lye. I say that also with good conscience. — Luc. And you will tell me, if you shall know it, who may have carried it off? — Lye. I will do it. — Luc. Nor will you ask for a share to yourself thence from him, whoever he is ? Nor will you receive the thief? — Lye. Just so. — Luc. What if you deceive me? — Lye. Then may great Jupiter do to me what he chooses ! — Luc. I am satisfied. Come on now, say what you wish. — Lye. Perhaps you have not known me, from what family I may be born. This Megadorus is my uncle. Antimachus was my father. I am called Lyconides. Eunomia is my mother. — Euc. I have known your family. Now what do you want? I am willing to know that. — Lye. You have a daughter of yours. — Euc. Yes, lo she is at home. — Lye. You have betrothed her, I think, to my uncle. — Euc. You have the whole affair. — Lye. He hath ordered me now to an- nounce to you his rejection of her. — Euc. [In surprise.'] Re- jection ! matters being prepared, and the nuptials being at hand! [Clapping his hands.~\ that all the immortal gods and goddesses may destroy him as much as can be ! on whose account this day I lost so much gold, unhappy and wretched as I am ! — Lye. Be of good courage, and speak well of him. Now may the affair turn out well and happily to yourself and your daughter! So may the gods have done it! say thou ! — Euc. So may the gods bring to pass ! — Lye. And may the gods do so to me ! Hear me now at once. The man who now confesses his fault before you, is not so worth- less, but it must shame him, but he must clear himself. Now I beseech you, Euclio, if I have imprudent done wrong towards you and your daughter, that you may pardon me, and give her to me as a wife, as the laws direct. I confess that I did a wrong to your daughter, in the festivals of Ceres, AULULAIUA. 29 through wine, and with the impulse of youth. — Euc. [Striking his hands together.'] Alas me ! what dreadful deed do I hear from you! — Lye. Why do you cry out thus? Thou whom I have caused to be a grandfather at the nuptials of your daughter ; for your daughter has lain in, on the tenth month after the affair. Understand then the number of months. On that account my uncle sent a rejection of your daughter for my sake. Go thou within doors, and find out whether it be so, as I declare to you. — Euc. I have perished utterly! so very many misfortunes join themselves to calamity against me. I will go in-doors, that I may know, what of all this may be true. — Eye. I follow you just now. [Exit Euclio into his house.'] — Eye. [solus.] This affair seems now to be nearly in the haven of safety. I do not now know, where I may say, that Strobilus, this servant of mine, is. But still I will wait here a little while notwithstanding, and afterward will follow this old man within doors — [meditates] but now in the mean time I will give him the opportunity of finding out my deed from the old woman, the nurse-tender of his daughter, for that old woman knew the affair. [Exit Lyconides at the side scene.] ACTUS QUINTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Strobilus from the back scene, and advances to the front. Stro. O ye immortal gods ! with what and how great joys ye reward me ! I have a box loaded with gold, weighing four pounds. Who is richer than me? What man is there at Athens, even any one now, to whom the gods can be pro- pitious, more than to me? [Enter Lyconides at the back scene at a distance.] — Lye. I certainly seemed just now to hear the voice of some one talking here. — Stro. [Looking back.] Aha ! do I see my master ? — Lye. Do I see here this servant of mine, Strobilus ? — Stro. It is he himself. — Lye. [At a distance.] He is no other. — Stro. [In front.] I will accost him now. — Lye. I will advance to him. I believe that he went to that old woman, the nurse of this girl, as I 30 M. ACCII PLAUTI ordered him. — Stro. [Aside,] Now am I to tell him that I found this prize, and am I to speak it out? For that reason I will beg of him to make me free. I will go then, and tell him the matter out at once. [Lyconides advances, and Strobilus meets him.] Master, I have found — [hesitates.] — Lye. What have you found ? — Stro. Not what children cry out that they have found within the bean. — Lye. But are you now playing upon me, as you are used to do? [He turns away.] — Stro. Stay, Master, I will tell out the matter. Listen now. — Lye. Come on then, speak. — Stro. I have found to-day, Master, very great riches. — Lye. "Where? — Stro. I say, a box of four pounds weight, full of gold. — Lye. What bold deed do I hear from you? — Stro. I have stolen it from this old man, Euclio. — Lye. Where is that gold? — Stro. In a chest in my house. And now I wish that I may be made free. — Lye. Shall I make thee free, thou most monstrous of rogues ? — Stro. Out with you, Master ! I know what thing you may be at. Cleverly indeed I have tried your inclination. You were preparing but now to gripe it from me. What would you do, if I might really have found it? — Lye. You cannot have made bad things good. Go, and give back the gold. — Stro. Shall I give back the gold? — Lye. Give it back, I say, that it may be restored to him. — Stro. Aha! whence shall I get it? — Lye. That which you just now confessed to be in your chest. — Stro. I am used to chatter foolish things, and so I speak now. — Lye. But do you know how you shall be ? — Stro. Now truly torture me to death, but you shall never carry it hence from me ; that is, the four-pound box of the old man, which I have not. — Lye. I will carry it away, whether you will or not ; when I shall have tied you all-fours, I will bear it off. But why do I delay to rush on the throat of this villain ? and why do I not drive his soul instantly to make a journey before its season ? Do you give it, or not? [Seizes him by the collar.] — Stro. [Frightened and trembling.] I will give it. — Lye. I wish you to give it as now, not at a distant time, — Stro. I give it now, but suffer me to recover my breath, I ask you. [Ly- conides lets him go.] Aha ! what do you require that I may give, Master ? — Lye. Don't you know, villain? And do you dare to deny to me the four-pound box full of gold, which you just now said that you had snatched away? [He calls AULULARIA. 31 out.] Hillo there ! where are now our flogging jailers ?— Stro. [Kneeling.] Master, hear a few words ! — Lye. I do not hear. [Calling loudly.] Jailers ! Hillo ! Hillo ! SCENA SECUNDA. Enter two flogging Jailers from Megadorus's house. Jail. What is the matter ? — Lye. I wish that fetters be got ready. — Stro. [Holding up Ms hands in supplication.] Hear me, I beseech you; and afterward, you shall have ordered them to bind me, as much as it pleases you. — Lye. I hear you ; but hasten the matter very quickly. — Stro. If you shall have ordered me to be tormented to death, see what advantage you may obtain. You have the death of your slave. Afterward what you will wish for, you cannot get. But if you had captivated me before now with a reward of sweet liberty, already you would have enjoyed your wishes. Nature produces all men free ; and all men by nature are anxious for liberty. Slavery is worse than every evil, than every worst calamity ; and whom Jupiter hates, he makes him first a slave. — Lye. You do not speak foolishly now. — Stro. Hear the remainder now at once. [Seven lines omitted.] Masters use their slaves injuriously, and slaves now obey their masters badly. Thus, what would have been proper to be done, is done on the part of neither. Their provisions, and victuals, and store-cellars, stingy old men shut up with a thousand keys, which things they are scarcely willing should be given, even to their legitimate children. Slaves who are given to thievery, double-dealers, and cunning rogues, open for themselves things shut up with a thousand keys, and snatch by plunder, and consume eatables, and swallow dainties, never about to tell their thefts even with the utmost punishment. Thus too bad slaves avenge their slavery by laughter and jokes ; and so therefore conclude, that freedom from slavery makes servants faithful. — Lye. You have spoke indeed rightly, but not in a few words, as you promised me ; but if I make you free, you will give up what I am desirous of? — Stro. I will give it up ; but I wish that witnesses may be present. You will pardon me, Master, when I say, I little trust to you. — Lye. As it pleases you ; 32 M. ACCII PLAUTI let even a hundred be present ; I now do not regard that. — Stro. [Going to Megadorus's door, and calling aloud.'] I pray you, Megadorus, and thou Eunomia, appear here, and go out of doors, if it pleases you ! The affair being perfected, you will presently return. SCENA TERTIA. Enter Megadorus and EuNOMiAyVom their house. Meg. [Looking round.] Who calls us out here ? Hah ! Lyconides ! are you there ? — Bun. Why! Strobilus, what is the matter? speak ye! — Lye. It is a short matter. — Meg. What is it? — Stro. I call you both as witnesses. If I bring hither a four-pound-weight box full of gold, and deliver it to Lyconides, he makes me free, and orders me to be in my own power; [to Lyconides] do you promise so? — Lye. I promise it. — Stro. Have ye now heard what he has said ? — Meg. We have heard it. — Stro. Swear also by Jupiter ! — Lye. Aha ! how reduced I am by the bad fortune of another man! You are too insolent! [To Megadorus.] What he desires, I will nevertheless do. — Stro. Harkye, now, sir ; Your age is not much to be trusted. [Three lines omitted.] — Lye. [To Strobilus.] Now expedite the affair as to me quickly. — Stro. Take that stone to you ! — Lye. [Taking up a stone.] If I, knowing it, shall deceive thee, may Jupiter so cast me out from property, the safe city and citadel, as I cast out this stone ! [he throws the stone azcay~] have I done enough for you now? — Stro. It is enough. I go to bring the gold. — Lye. Go with the pace of a Pegasus, and return, greedily gobbling up the way ! [Exit Strobilus hastily at the back scene.] SCENA QUARTA. Lye. To a well-conducted man, a very impertinent slave who wishes to be wiser than his master, is an inconvenient matter. May this Strobilus, when free, go to the gallows, only let him bring the box heavy with pure gold, that I may deliver my father-in-law Euclio from his great affliction, to festivity ; and that I may conciliate to myself his daughter, AULULARIA. 33 who is newly brought to bed of a child to me. [He looks at the back scene.] But behold Strobilus is returning loaded, and I suppose brings the box. [He looks attentively.] Now certainly it is the box, that he is bearing. SCENA QUINTA. Enter STROBiLusyrom the back scene, with the box of gold under his arm. Stro. I bring, Lyconides, that which was found, and pro- mised to you, a box of gold weighing four pounds. Have I been slow as to this ? — Lye. Well then ! [Takes the box from Strobilus and opens it.] O ye immortal gods ! what do I see ! or what have I here ? [He takes bags of gold out of the box, and puts them back again.] I have six hundred Philip- pian pieces and more, of three or four minse each. But let us call out Euclio immediately SCENA SEXTA. Lyconides goes to the door o/*Euclio's house, and calls aloud. Lye. What ho! Euclio! Euclio! — Meg. [Calling out.] Euclio! Euclio! — [Euclio opens the window over his door, and puts his head out.] Luc. What is the matter? — Lye. Come down to us, for the gods are willing that you may be preserved. We have the box. — Luc. Have ye it, or are ye playing on me ? — Lye. We have it, I say; and now, if you can, fly hither. — [Euclio quits the window and comes downtothem.] — Luc. [Clapping his hands together.] O great Jupiter ! O Lar of my family, and queen Juno, and my money-bearer Alcides, at length ye have pitied a wretched old man ! [Takes the box from Lyconides.] Oh! oh! with arms how joyful do I, an old man loving thee, my box, [kisses it] embrace thee now, and receive thee with a sweet kiss ! [Kisses it again and again.] I cannot be satisfied even with a thousand embraces ! [Hugs the box in his arms.] O thou my hope ! O thou the heart of my soul! dissipating all my grief ! — Lye. [To Megadorus.] I always thought that to want gold was the worst thing 34 M. ACCII PLAUTI AULULARIA. possible, both for very young men, and settled men, and a\ old men. But it is a much worse thing, as I see now, for us to be rich with gold beyond what is actually necessary. Alas ! how great miseries has Euclio suffered on account of this box lost by him a short time ago ! — Euc. To whom shall I return deserved thanks ? whether to the gods who re- gard good men, or to my friends, these upright men, or to each of them? I think it better to each of them. And first, speaking to you, Lyconides, the beginning and au- thor of so great good, I present you, my friend, with this box of gold. Receive it from me with satisfaction ! I wish this to be yours, and my daughter's at the same time, Megadorus being present, and his excellent sister Euno- mia. — Lye. [Receiving the box held out to him by Euclio.] The favour is both properly estimated, and returned to you with gratitude as you have deserved, and Euclio is my wished-for father-in-law. — Euc. I shall think the favour sufficiently returned to me, if you can receive within your house now with satisfaction, my gift and myself also. — Lye. [Shaking him by the hand.] I do receive you, and wish that my house may be also Euclio's. — Stro. [Coming up to his master.~] As to what remains now, master, remember that I must be free. — Lye. You have rightly advised me. [Stro- bilus kneels to his master, who touches his shoulder, ,] Be thou free, Strobilus, with thy own good deserving ! [ife rises from his humble posture.] And now prepare for us within a speedy supper. — Stro. [Addressing the audience.] O ye spec- tators, the covetous Euclio has changed his nature. He has suddenly become bountiful. So practice ye also boun- tifulness, and if the story has pleased you well, loudly clap your hands ! END OF THE AULULARIA. M. ACCII PLAUTI E P I D I C U S. CHARACTERS IN THE COMEDY. Periphanes, an old Gentleman. Stratippocles, his son by his wife. Acropolistis, his natural daughter, by the harlot Philippa. Philippa, a harlot, mother of Acropolistis. Ap,ecides, an old Gentleman, friend of Periphanes. Epidicus, a servant of Periphanes, tricking and deceitful. Ch^ribulus, a friend and companion of Stratippocles. Thesprio, a servant of Stratippocles. Two Music-girls. A Military Officer. Danista, a Money-lender, who lent a sum of money to Stra- tippocles, to purchase a girl, who was a Captive. M. ACCII PLAUTI EPIDICUS. Scene. — A street. A house belonging to Ap^cides and Periphanes,cw one side, and CHiERiBULUs's house on the other, with their doors opposite. ACTUS PRIMUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Thesprio at the back scene, and advances; Epidicus follows him, and pulls the end of his cloak behind. Epid. Hark ye, young man ! — Thes. [Not looking about.] Who pulls me by the cloak when in haste? — Epid. An inti- mate. — Thes. I believe so, that is, you are very intimate with your spite. [Hastens on.] — Epid. Look back now, Thesprio ! — Thes. [Turning round.] Oh ! do I see Epidicus? — Epid. You certainly have the use of your eyes ! — Thes. Health to you ! — Epid. May the gods give you what you can wish ! I rejoice that you arrive safe. — Thes. What else? — Epid. What is customary in that case, a supper shall be given you. — Thes. I engage Epid. What do you engage? — Thes. That I will receive it, if you will give it. — Epid. How are you now ? are you doing pleasantly? — Thes. The specimen is here! [Struts along.] — Epid. I understand. Well done! You seem more corpulent and portly. — Thes. [Pointing to his right hand.] Thanks be to this \~Epid. Which indeed it behoved you to have lost long ago. — Thes. I am now less thievish than formerly. — Epid. Why so ? — Thes. I plunder now openly. — Epid. May the immortal gods curse you, how greatly you get on ! for as I saw you at the port, I began to 38 M. ACCII PLAUTI follow at a gallop, but there was scarcely the power of over- taking you just now. — Thes. You are a scoffer ! — Epid. I know indeed that you are a military man. — Thes. Speak out boldly, however. — Epid. What do you say now, have you been continually well? — Thes. As to my life, variegated. — Epid. Of those who live variegated, neither the goat kind, nor the panther kind pleases me. — Thes. What are you willing I may tell you, unless what is the reality? — Epid. That you may answer those things rightly. How is my master's son? is he well? — Thes. Stout and strong. — Epid. You have brought here a pleasant messenger to me by your arrival; but where is he? — Thes. I came here together with him. — Epid. Where is he therefore, unless if you brought him in your bag, or in your knapsack? — Thes. May the gods de- stroy you ! — Epid. I want to ask questions ; give me attention, and attention shall be given you in return. — Thes. You say what is right. — Epid. It becomes me to do so. — Thes. But do you now hold the prsetorship over us? — Epid. What other man will you say that there is this day in Athens more worthy of it? — Thes. But one thing is wanting, Epidicus, from your praetorship. — Epid. What is that? — Thes. You shall know. Two lictors and two rod-bundles of twigs. — Epid. [Shaking his Jist at him.~\ Ah ! woe to you now ! But what do you say? — Thes. What are you asking? — Epid. Where are Stratippocles' arms? — Thes. In truth they fled across to the enemy. — Epid. His arms? — Thes. And quickly indeed. — Epid. Do you say these things seriously? — Thes. Seriously I say, the enemies have them. [Eight lines omitted.'] Leave off inquiring now. — Epid. Say where is Stratippocles him- self. — Thes. There is a reason, for which he feared to come here along with me. — Epid. What is it? — Thes. He is not willing that he should see his father as yet. — Epid. On what account? — Thes. You shall know. It is because he bought a captive girl, of an elegant and genteel form, out of the plunder. — Epid. [In surprise.] What do I hear from you ? — Thes. That which I am telling. — Epid. Why has he bought her? — Thes. To please his fancy. — Epid. How many fancies has that man? for certainly before he went away hence from home to the legion, he himself gave orders to me, that a Music- girl, whom he loved, should be bought for him from a pimp. I have obtained that article for him. — Thes. In whatever way EPIDICUS. 39 the wind is upon the sea, from that point the sail is set. — Epid. [Clapping his^hand to his forehead.] Woe to wretched me ! he has sadly ruined me ! — Thes. What is that? what is it? — Epid. What now? As to her whom he bought, how much has he bought her for ? — Thes. A cheap price. — Epid. I do not ask you that. — Thes. What therefore? — Epid. For how many pounds? — Thes. [Whispers him.'] So many indeed.— Epid. \[In surprise.] For forty pounds? — Thes. He took up that money therefore at usury, from Da- nista, at Thebes, with a sum to be paid for each day, and for every pound of the money. — Epid. Heigh-day ! — Thes. And that Danista has come along with him, asking for the money. — Epid. [Clapping his hands.] O immortal gods ! how I am destroyed utterly ! — Thes. What now, or what is it, Epidicus ? — Epid. He has destroyed me. — Thes. Who has? — Epid. He who lost his arms. — Thes. And why thus? — Epid. Be- cause he himself sent letters to me daily from the legion — [turns away] but it is best that I may hold my peace. It is better that a serving man may know more than he speaks. That is wisdom.— Thes. I know not in truth, why you are frightened. You tremble, Epidicus ; I see your very face in that way. You seem to have incurred some punishment against you here, I being absent. — Epid. Is it possible, you can't be disagreeable? — Thes. [Turning away.] I am oft. — Epid. [Holding him back by the cloak.] Stop there ! I won't allow you to be off. — Thes. Why do you now retain me ? — Epid. Does he love that woman, whom he bought from the plunder? — Thes. Do you ask that? he dies for love of her. — Epid. [Dropping his arms in despair.] My skin will be flayed off my back. — Thes. He loves more than he ever loved you. — Epid. May Jupiter destroy you ! — Thes. [Going a feic steps.] Dismiss me now, for he forbad me to come home. He ordered me to go to Chaeribulus hither near at hand. He ordered me to remain there. He is to come himself there. — Epid. Why so? — Thes. I will tell you. Because he does not choose to meet his father, nor to see him, before he shall have paid that money which is owed for that girl. — Epid. Ah ! in truth what sad affairs ! — Thes. Dismiss me, that I may go now immediately there. — Epid. When shall the old man know these things ? Our shipwreck must be properly brought about.— Thes. How does that appertain to 40 M. ACCII PLAUTI me, in what way you may perish. — Epid. [Slapping him on the shoulder.] Because I am unwilling to perish alone, and I want you to perish with me, a friend with a friend. — Thes. [Mov- ing away from him.] Begone to utter ruin away from me with that proposal ! — Epid. Go now verily, if you are very much in haste. — Thes. I never met any man from whom I may have departed more willingly. [Exit Thesprio into ChyERIBU- lus's house.^ [Manet Epidicus.] — Epid. [solus.] He is gone hence. You are now alone, Epidicus. You see now in what situation the affair may be. Unless you have some resource in yourself, you are a gone man, so great calamities hang over you. Unless you support yourself stoutly, you cannot hold up, for mountains of ruin are falling on you. Nor does any scheme please me, by which I may make myself free from this embarrassment. By my tricks I have driven the old man to think, that he is buying his daughter. But he has bought his son's Music-girl, whom the youth himself loves, and whom going away he committed to my care. That son has now brought another girl for himself from the legion, to please his fancy. And now I am flayed alive. For when the old man shall have perceived he has been imposed on, he will skin my back with rods. But take thou precaution, Epidi- cus ! [He puts his hand to his forehead, thi?iking.] That is no- thing! [Snaps his ji tigers.] This head of mine is evidently spoiled. [Three lines omitted.] What is to be done? what? something must be found ! [A pause.] But am I delaying to go to meet the young man, that I may know what his business can be? [He looks towards the back scene.] And now he himself is there ! He is sorrowful. He is walking with Chseribulus, his companion. T will step aside here, from whence I may quietly pursue the discourse of these men. [Epidicus goes aside.] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter at the back scene Stratippocles and Chseribulus, and advance together. Stra. I have told you all the affair, Chaeribulus, and pro- nounced to you very perfectly the sum of my griefs, and of my loves. — Char. You are foolish, Stratippocles, beyond your age, and what is right. Does it shame you as to that EPIDICUS. 41 now, that you bought among the plunder a captive girl, born of a good family ? Will there be any one, think you, who may set that down as a crime to you? — Stra. By that deed I have found all those enemies to me, who envy me. But to the modesty of that girl I have never administered force, nor crime. — Char. Now in that you are the better man, in my mind certainly, when you can be moderate in your love. — Stra. That man is of no use, who comforts a doubtful man with his words only. That man is a friend, who assists in a dubious affair, when there is need of reality. — Char. What do you wish me to do for you ? — Stra. To give me forty pounds in money, that may be given to Danista, from whom I took it at usury. — Char. Truly if I might have it, I would not deny it to you. — Stra, But what therefore signified it, that you were bountiful in speech, if your assistance towards the money was nothing? — Char. Moreover in truth I myself am tired out, and distracted with the clamour of law. — Stra. I can wish that my friends of that sort were sunk in a fur- nace rather than the Forum. But I must choose now to buy at a precious price the agency of Epidicus ; whom I will indeed deliver to the Jailer slashed with stripes, unless he shall have got for me this day forty pounds, before I shall have spoke out to him the least syllable of the sum wanted. — Epid. [Be- hind him.] The matter is safe. He promises well, I hope he will keep his promise well also. The reckoning is paid for my shoulders now, without any cost of mine. 1 will accost the man. [He advances and bows to Stratippocles.] The slave Epidicus salutes with every good wish of health his master Stratippocles coming from abroad ! — Stra. [Turning round.] Where is he? — Epid. [Going near him.] He is here. I rejoice that you have arrived safe ! — Stra. I believe you as to that, as well as I do myself. — Epid. Have you been al- ways well in health 1—Stra. I have been free from disease, but sick from the mind. — Epid. As for what appertained to me, I have taken care of it. That which you ordered me to get, has been obtained. The maiden was bought, as to which matter you yourself sent letters to me.— Stra. [Turning away.] You have lost all your trouble. — Epid. But how have I lost it t—Stra. Because she is neither dear to my heart, nor pleases me. — Epid. What signified it then to command me so strictly, and to send letters to me ? — Stra. I loved her 42 M. ACCII PLAUTI formerly ; — now, another care hangs over my mind. — Epid. It is truly a wretched thing that a man should be unthankful, as to that which you may do well towards him ! I, as to what I have done well, it seems, have done wrong ! because love has changed place: — Stra. I was in an idiot state of mind, when I sent those letters to you. — Epid. Does it behove me to be the victim, on account of your folly ? How may you subject my back, as the support of your folly ? — Stra. Why do you hold conversation as to that ? There is need to me of forty pounds, hot and quickly, which you must pay to Danista, and that at once. — Epid. Tell me now from whence you wish I should get them ? From what Banker am I to seek them ? — Char. From where it pleases you. For unless before evening you can pay out this money, my house you do not enter. You must straightway take yourself into prison. — Epid. You readily pretend that with a gay heart, without danger or care. 1 have known my own ways. It is painful to me when I am flogged. — Stra. What do you talk of now? will you suffer me to kill myself? — Epid. You shall not have done that. I will approach that danger and boldness, rather than that. — Stra. Now you please me, and now I like you. — Epid. I will permit myself to do that which pleases you. — Stra. What therefore shall be done with that Music-girl? — Epid. In some way a scheme shall be found. By some mode I will free the business. And in some way I shall be extricated. — Stra. You are full of scheming. I have known you well. — Epid. There is a Eubcean soldier, rich, and possessed of much gold ; who, when he shall know that that girl was bought for you, and that another is brought here, will at once beseech you voluntarily, that you may transfer her to him. But where is she, whom you brought with you? — Stra. I will make her be here now di- rectly. — Char. What are we doing here now ? — Stra. Let us go in hitherto your house, that we may pass this whole day merrily. — Epid, Go ye within the house. I will call a senate here, and council together in my mind concerning the money business, thinking, against whom chiefly the war is proclaimed, from whom I can take away the money. [Exeunt Strappo- cles andduETtiBULus into the house of the latter.] [Epidicus solus.^\ — Epid. Take care what you may do, Epidicus ! This affair is very suddenly thrown upon you. For now you must EPIDICUS. 43 not slumber, nor have you a power of delaying. [Considers awhile.'] Now my scheme is fixed to besiege that same old gentleman. -Go, go, go away in-doors, Epidicus, and tell now the young man, my master's son, that he must not walk out of doors here, nor come to any place where he may meet the old man. — Exit Epidicus into Ch^ribulus's house.] ACTUS SECUNDUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Ap^cides and PERiPHANEs/rom the house of Ap^icides. Apce. There are very many men, whom it shames, when there is no occasion, and where they are properly to be ashamed, there a sense of shame forsakes them, at a time when there is a necessity that it may shame them. Now you are that very man. What is there to be ashamed of, that you should bring your wife home, born of a good family, but poor ? Her particularly from whom you can call to mind to yourself, that this daughter who is at home, is born ? — Peri. I have a respect for my son. — Apce. But truly I believed, that you followed to the grave the wife whom you lost, with some modesty, whose tomb, as often as you see, you sacrifice immediately to Pluto with proper victims. — Peri. Alas ! I was Hercules when she was with me, nor was the sixth labour more bitter to Hercules, than that one was thrown upon me.— Apce. Money is indeed a handsome dowry. — Peri. Which in truth is not always given in a mar- riage. [They confer together near their house.] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Epidicus from Chjeribulus's house. — He looks across, then turns about, and speaks to Stratippocles within the house, the door being open. Epid. Hist! be silent! Take courage! I go out of doors with a fine omen, a bird on the left ! I have a sharp knife for cutting open the old man's purse. Now behold him, I see himself before the door of Apgecides. Just such as I want, 44 M. ACCII PL AVI I two Uttle old fellows ! Now I will turn myself into a leech, and will suck the blood of those, who are called the support of the Senate. [The door is shut, and Epidicus skulks towards the back scene on the opposite side to the old men.] — Apa. I wish that he may immediately become a husband. — Peri. I like your counsel. — Ap&. For I have heard that he is fascinated in love with a music-girl, I know not whom. — Peri. I am tortured as to that. — Epid. [behind.'] Certainly all the gods assist, strengthen, and love me. These men themselves in fact point the way, by what means I shall get the money from them. Come now, prepare yourself, Epidicus, and throw your cloak about your neck, and pretend so, as if you may have been through the whole city, seeking the man. Do it now, my boy, if you do any thing. [He throivs his cloak round hint, hurries to the front passing by the two old men, as if not seeing them, and speaks aloud.] O ye immortal gods, I wish I may meet Periphanesat home, whom I am tired down with persisting to seek through the whole city ; through the Apothecaries' and Barbers' shops, in the gymnasium, and the forum. I have become hoarse with asking for him, and almost fell down with running so fast. [He pretends to puff and blozc.]— Peri. [Calls out to him.] Epidicus? — Epid. [Going dozen the stage on (he opposite side.] Who is it that calls back Epidicus ? — Peri. I am Periphanes ! — J pa. And I am Apse- cides! Epid. [Turning round.] And I indeed am Epidicus! [He goes up to them puffing and blowing.] But, Master, I see, you both now come here most opportunely. — Peri. What is the matter? — Epid. Wait! [Fetches his breath hard.] Suffer me to breathe, I beg. — Peri. Yes, be at ease. — Epid. I am distressed. Let me get back my breath ! — Jpee. Be quiet now, and at rest. — Epid. [After a pause.] Give me your at- tention. All the men of the legion have been sent back home from Thebes. — Apcc. Who knows this fact? Epid. [boldly.] I say that it is a fact. — Peri. Do you know that to be so? — Epid. I do know it. — Peri. How do you know it? — Epid. Because I saw the soldiers march in the roads full of them. They bring back their arms, and conduct the carriage horses. — Peri. Vastly well done ! — Epid. Then what a number of prisoners they bring with them ! children, and young women- some have two of them, some three, another has five; a concourse of people is along the roads. Every one goes to EPIDICUS. 45 see their sons. — Peri. Truly a prosperous business ! — Epid. Then so great a number of harlots, as many as were in all the city, and those bedizened every one of them, were meet- ing their lovers ! When I come to the port, I see there that woman waiting for some one, and four minstrels were going with her. — Peri. With whom, Epidicus ? — Epid. With that woman, whom your son loves and pines for, many years past; when he is hastening to sink his truth, and property, and himself, and you. She was waiting for him at the port. — Peri. See now the wretch of a Witch ! — Epid. But how ele- gantly clothed she was, decked with gold, and adorned ! how neatly ! how newly and fashionably ! [Thirteen lines omitted.'] — Peri. But go on with your story, as you have begun it. Epid. Two other women behind me began to converse thus together. I went away a little from them. I thus concealed that I was attending to their discourse. I did not hear what they might say, perfectly ; I was not however mistaken of their speech. — Peri. I have a desire to know it. — Epid. There one of them said to the other with whom she was going Peri. [Impatiently.] What ? — Epid. Be silent therefore that you may hear it. After they espied her, whom your son desperately loves, how pleasantly and fortunately, says one, it has happened to that woman, in troth, whom her lover wishes to set free! Who is he, says the other, to her. There she names Stratippocles, the son of Periphanes. — Peri. I am undone verily ! What do I hear from you ? — Epid. This that happened. — I myself afterward when I heard them talk thus, began again to draw near towards them by little and little, as if the crowd was shoving me back against my will. — Peri. I understand. — Epid. There one asked the other, How do you know ? Who told it you ? Why, says she, this day letters were brought to her from Stratippocles, that he had taken away at usury from Danista at Thebes, and that it was ready, and that he himself was bringing it for that purpose. — Peri. [Lifting up his hands.] Tell me now, am I destroyed? — Epid. [Continuing.] She said thus, and that she had heard so from the woman herself, and from the letter. — Peri. What shall I do now? Apaecides, I ask ad- vice from you. — Apas. Let us find something of crafty profit- able counsel. For he indeed will be here, either now imme- diately, or is already here. — Epid. If it were right that I 46 M. ACC1I PLAUTI should be wiser than you, I can have given to you crafty counsel, which you may like, as I think, either of you. — Peri. Therefore what is it, Epidicus ? — Epid. And it is avail- able now to that affair. — Apcc. Why do you hesitate to say it? — Epid. It behoves you first to say something, who are wiser than me, and me to speak last. — Apcc. Well now truly go on, and say it to us. — Epid. But you will laugh at me. — Apa. W r e will not do it in truth. — Epid. Well, then, use the counsel if it shall please you, and if it shall not please you, find a better, it is neither sown, nor reaped by me there; but I wish those things which you wish. — Peri. I am favourable to you, and now make us partakers of your wisdom. — Epid. Let a wife immediately be found out for your son ; and so you may punish that Music-girl, whom he wants to set free, and who spoils him to you, and she may be so managed, that she may be a slave all her life. — Apcc. It ought to be done. — Peri. I am willing to do anything, so that that only may come to pass. — Epid. Aha! then; now is the opportunity of effecting it, before he shall have come into the city, as he will be here to-morrow. To-day he will not have arrived. — Peri. How do you know? — Epid. I do know it; because one who came from thence said that he would be here to-inorrow. — Peri. But do thou speak out; what shall we do? — Epid. I think it must be done thus. You must be desirous, as if to set free the Music-girl for your own satisfaction, and as if you yourself may love her vehemently. — Peri. To what advantage does that refer ? — Epid. Do you ask ? It is, that you may buy her before-hand with money, before your son can arrive, and may say that you buy her to give her her liberty. — Peri* I understand. — Epid. When she shall be bought, you must remove her away from the city; unless your opinion is in any respect other- wise. — Peri. Very skilfully said ! — Epid. But what do you say, Apeecides? — Apa. W 7 hat do I say now? Why I under- stand, that you have devised very cunningly. — Epid. At this time therefore all hint of the nuptials shall be kept from him, lest the matter in hand may be frustrated. — Apcc. You are a lively wise fellow, and the scheme pleases me. — Epid. Then do yourself cunningly effect, what you are to do. — Peri. Say the business really. — Epid. I have also found, how this suspicion may go away from you. — Peri. Let me know it. £pidicus. 47 -—Epid. You shall know it. Listen now. — Ap&. [To his friend.] This man is chuck-full of wisdom. — Epid. There is need of some man, who may carry down the money there for the Music-girl. For there is no equal necessity that you should carry it there. — Peri. What am I to understand now? — Epid. Lest any one may think that you do it on account of your son. — Peri. Cleverly said! — Epid. When you may be hindering him from getting her, that no difficulty may occur on account of that suspicion. — Peri. What man shall we find, useful to that affair ? — -Epid. [Pointing to ApcEcides.] This man will be the best. He will be able to take proper care, who understands legal rights and laws. — Apce. Epi- dicus, accept my thanks ! — Epid. But I will do that business diligently. I will meet that man, and bring him here to you, whose property the Music-girl is, and I will carry the money along with him there. — Peri. At how much can she be bought at the least? — Epid. It may be, that perhaps she can be bought at forty pounds at the least price. But, if you shall have given me more, I will bring it back. There is no over- reaching in that matter ; and that money will not be held from you ten days. — Peri. How now is that? — Epid. Be- cause that another young man desperately loves that woman, a man rich in gold, a great soldier, a Rhodian, a plunderer of the enemy, and a braggart. He will buy her from you, and will give his gold freely. Do this now, and this is ample lucre to you in this case. — Peri. I beseech the gods indeed for favour ! — Epid. You obtain it. — Ap&. [To Periphanes.] But you now are to go„ in-doors, and bring out hither the money. I will go to see the parties at the Forum. Epidicus, come thither! — Epid. Go not away before 1 shall have come to you! — Aped. I shall wait till then. [Exit , Apacides at the back scene.'] — Peri. Follow me thou in-doors ! — Epid. Go, and count the money! I do not delay you. — [Exit Periphanes into the house. Manet Epidicus.] SCENA TERTIA. Epid. I am of opinion, that there is no piece of ground in the land of Attica, equally productive, as this our Peri- phanes. Moreover out of his hidden and sealed up treasury I shake out so much silver, just as much in truth as it pleases 48 M. ACCII PLAUTI me. But faith I fear, if the old man shall have come to the knowledge of these things, lest my flourishing elm shall find parasite plants, that may entirely strip my branches. Now one matter and thought disturbs me ; what Music-girl I shall shew to Apaecides, one that must be hired somewhere. [He meditates.] And now I have that also. The old man ordered me to hire some Music-girl early in the morning to be brought home hither to him, while he should make a divination, and that she might sing there. She shall be hired, and it shall be shewn to her beforehand, in what way she may be crafty against the old man. — I will now go in-doors, and receive the money from the swindled old gen- tleman. [Exit Epidicus into the old man's house.] ACTUS TERTIUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Stratippocles and Chjeribulus from the house of the latter. Stra. I am consumed with waiting, wretched as I am, and am grievously vexed, being ignorant how the soft words of Epidicus may turn out to me. Too long I am wasted with doubts. I am eager to know whether any thing may be, or may not be. — Char. Through that mode offered to you, it is possible to find some other method. I have known indeed in the beginning at once, that you had no good mode in that proceeding. — Stra. Then I have truly perished ! — Char. You act absurdly, who can torture yourself in mind thus. — Stra. If truly I shall have once caught hold of that fellow, I will never suffer him, a servant forsooth, to laugh at us unpunished. [Eight lines omitted.] [They stand near Ch^:- ribulus's door.] EPID1CUS. 49 SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Epidicus from the opposite house, zvith a bag of money hung at his neck. He turns round, the door being open, and speaks to Pertphanes zvithin. Epid. You have now done your duty. It behoves me now to do mine. Through this my care it is proper for you to be at ease. This money has now perished to you, unless that you can carry it to the account of hope in any way to yourself from this. This is very accurate. Trust now to me. So I act, and so my fathers acted. [He goes to the front on the same side of the stage, and the door is shut.'] O ye im- mortal gods ! Ye have given me this day of the year bright and clear ! How smooth, and how easy of success ! But am I delaying to go from hence, that I may import into the colony this provision in lucky hour? I am delaying to myself sadly, when I stand here. [He turns to go across.] But what is this ? I see before the house there, the two companions my master and Chaeribulus. [He goes up to them.] What are ye doing here ? [Tb Stratippocles.] Receive this now! [Gives him the bag of money.] — Stra. How much is in it here? — Epid. As much as is enough and more than enough. It is superabundant. I have brought more by ten pounds, than you owe to Danista. While I can please and obey you, I think little of my back, and floggings. [Three lines omitted.] I am to tell you the Pimp took away all that money for the Music-girl. I paid him. With these hands I counted it down. Your father believed her to be his own daughter. Now I have found out a way again, how your father may be deceived, and how assistance may be admi- nistered to you. I have persuaded the old man, and have held some talk with him of the kind in such a way, that when you shall have returned home, you could not have possession of her, whom you wished for. — Stra. Well done ! — Epid. That girl is at home now for the other. — Stra. I understand. — Epid. Now your father has given me Apsecides as a principal person to this business. He waits for me now at the Forum, as if to take care, whom he may buy from. — Stra. Not badly carried on ! — Epid. Now the cautious fellow himself is caught. Your father himself placed the bag of 50 M. ACC1I PLAUTI money about my neck. He is preparing that you coming home, must immediately become a husband. — Stra. He will persuade me to that in one way only, if death hath taken away from me that girl who is brought with me. — Epid. Now I have planned this scheme. I will go down myself alone to the Pimp at his house ; I will instruct him, if any people may come to him, to say, that the money was given to him for the Music-girl ; that he got fifty pounds of silver. In fact three days ago I counted out that with my own hands for that mistress of yours, whom your father supposes to be his daughter. There the Pimp in ignorance will stake his wicked head, as if he may have received money for her, who is brought along with you now. — Cheer. Why you are more versatile than a potter's wheel! — Epid. I will have ready now some tricking Music-girl, who may be hired for a piece of money. She can pretend that she has been bought, and being instructed may bamboozle the two old men. Apee- cides also shall bring her to your father. — Stra. Finely con- trived ! — Epid. I will send her full fraught with my tricks, and loaded with deceits. But I am talking too long here. Ye have delayed me a long time ! Ye know these things now, how they are about to be. I am off. [He sets off to- zcards the back scene.] Stra. Be prosperous in your walk ! [Exit Epidicus at the back scene.] — Cheer. That fellow is very clever at wicked doing. — Stra. He has certainly pre- served me with his schemes. — Cheer. Let us go in-doors hence to my house ! — Stra. And somewhat more pleasantly I shall go within, than I went out from you lately. By the valour and assistance of Epidicus, I return from camp, with my plunder in my hands ! — [Shakes and rattles his bog of gold, and exit zcith Ch.eribulus into the house of the latter.] SCENA TERTIA. Enter Periphanes from the house of Ap^cides. Peri. [In meditation.] It has been a proper thing, that men should have a mirror for themselves, not for the sake of their face, where they might contemplate their coun- tenance, but in which they may view the mind of wisdom, and therefore may be able to view their capability of that mind. When they should have viewed that, they should EPIDICUS. 51 think afterward, how they might have passed their life for- merly in their youth. Just as I myself might think, who lately had begun for the sake of my son to afflict myself in mind, as if my son might have committed a crime against me, or as if my own bad deeds in my youth might not have been very strong against me. In truth we old men are sometimes in a delirium. But this that I have done, was certainly advantageous in my opinion. [He looks towards the back scene.'} But lo ! my companion Apeecides is advanc- ing with the prize. [Enter Ap^cides at the back scene conduct- ing the Music-girl hired by Epidicus.] I rejoice that my negociator arives safe. [Goes to meet him.} What is done ? — Apce. The gods and goddesses assist you. — Peri. An omen I have seen, pleases me. — Apte. All things prosperous now give strength to your Omen. But order thou this girl to be led away within doors. [Periphanes goes to the door of the house, and calls aloud.} Hillo ! Go out of doors here some one ! [Enter a servant.} Lead that woman within the house, and do you hear? — Serv. [Boiving.} What do you wish ? — Peri. Take care how you permit this one to be associated with my daughter, and do not suffer her even to see her. Do you apprehend me now ? 1 wish that other to be shut up apart in the small chamber. [Exeunt the Servant and the Music-girl into the house.} [Three lines omitted.} — Apce. Truly and verily in the nick of time we bought that girl before your son ! — Peri. How now ? — Apce. Because a while ago some persons told me, that he had seen your son here. — Peri. Then he was preparing this business. — Apce. This verily and indeed is plainly so. In truth you have a clever servant, and worth any price. He is not dear, weighed against gold. How well he caused that Music-girl to be totally ignorant that she was bought by you ! So he brought her hither laughing and joyful also. — Peri. It is a wonder how this could happen \—Apce. He said that you were about to make for your son a sacred celebration at home, because he may have returned safe from Thebes. — Peri. He rightly said. — Apce. Verily he himself told her, that she had been hired to administer to you at the sacred celebration here. But I pretended upon that, that I was as it were ignorant, when at the same time I made myself seem dull-witted. — Peri. Truly so it is proper. — Apce. Now an 52 M. ACdl PLAUTI important business of a friend is brought on at the Forum. I wish to go there as an advocate for him. — Peri. But I beg, when you shall have leisure, you will return to me imme- diately. — Apce. I will be here instantly ! [Exit Ap^cides at the back scene.] — Peri, [solus.] Nothing is more agreeable to a man, than an occasional friend. Whatever you may wish, though you are at no trouble, it is done notwithstand- ing. If I should have deputed to this business some man less skilled, and less crafty to this affair, he would have been cheated ; and so my son would most properly laugh at me, grinning with his white teeth in delight. Now this is folly, that I should turn that as a crime to him, which I myself did in my youth. When I was in the wars, in my memo- rable battles I used to pluck out men's ears, when I had once begun the matter. [He looks at the back scene.] But who is this, that I see coming hither ? A man who makes his cloak to be swelling in the wind, by shaking it about ? [He steps on one side.] SCENA QUARTA. Enter from the back scene a Military Officer, with afootboy, he swaggers to the front, and swings his cloak about with importance. Offi. [Staring about and speaking to the boy.] Take care how you may go beyond any house, but ask there, where an old man called Periphanes, a Plataean, inhabits ! Take care, how you may have come back in uncertainty. — Peri. [Going t* the front near him.] Young man, if I shall have shewn to you that man whom you seek, shall I have kind acknow- ledgments from you? — Offi. [Looking proud and stately.] Fortified with the valour of war, I have deserved that it be proper for all men to pay acknowledgments to me ! — Peri. You have not found an easy place, young man, where you may hold forth your deeds of valour, as you require to do. Be it known to you, if the worse man sets forth his battles to the braver man, from his mouth they become base — But as to him whom you seek, Periphanes of Platsea, I am he, if you want any thing. — Offi. Are you he, who, they say, got great riches in his youth, among great men in arms, for his EPIDJCUS. 53 art of war? — Peri. Yes, if you were to hear my battles, you may fly home in dismay with your hands behind your back ! — Offi. In fact I rather seek one, to whom I may proclaim my own battles, than that man who may relate his to me. — Peri. This is not the place. Moreover seek thou some other man, on whom you may heap your idle stories ! — Offi. At- tend now that you may understand, on what account I come to you ! I have heard that you have bought my mistress. — Peri, [aside] Aha ! now at length I know this man, who he may be ! The Soldier, whom Epidicus mentioned to me lately. [To the Officer.] Young man, it is so as you say; I have bought her. — Offi. I wish to address you with a few words, if it is not troublesome to you. — Peri. I do not truly know that it is not troublesome, unless you say what you can want. — Offi. It is, that you may transfer her to me, and receive the money for her. — Peri. You may have her. — Offi. Now why may I spare talking freely to you ? I wish to make her this day a freed woman, who may be my concubine. — Peri. I will shortly settle the matter with you. She was bought for me for fifty pounds of silver. If sixty are counted down to me, I will cause, that the woman shall employ your idle days, and so in truth that you may carry her off from this country. — Offi. Is she bought to my use then? — Peri. It is possible for you to have heron these conditions. — Offi. You have settled the business kindly and well. — Peri. [Going to the door of the house.] Hillo there ! bring out of doors the Music-girl, whom you conducted in-doors ! [He turns to the Officer.] I will add also besides, the harp that was hers, as a gift to you for nothing. [Enter from the house a servant with the Music- girl, leaves her, and exit into the house.] Come now, receive her at once ! [Periphanes takes her by the hand and presents her to the Officer, who starts back at seeing her.]— Offi. What mad- ness takes possession of you ? What darkness are you strik- ing at my eyes ? You must order the Music-girl within to be produced here. — Peri. This is assuredly the Music-girl. There is no other here. — Offi. You cannot trifle with me. You are to produce here the Music-girl Acropolistis. — Peri. [Pointing.] This is she, I say. — Offi. This is not she, I say. Do you think that I cannot have known my own mistress? — Peri. My son, I say, was desperately in love with this Music-girl.— Offi. This is not she. — Peri. What? is not this i 54 M. ACCII PLAUTl she? — Offi. She is not.— Peri. From whence in the world is she then ? Truly and verily I gave money for this one. — Offi . I think it foolishly given, and all was wrong in your bounty.— Peri. Certainly this is she ; for I sent a servant, who is used to follow my son. He himself bought this Music-girl. — Off. Oh 1 ho ! that man your servant has cut you to pieces joint by joint, my old Gentleman ! — Peri. How has he cut me to pieces ? — Off. Nothing. My suspicion is so, for this girl has been foisted on you for the Music-girl. You have been cheated, old Gentleman, evidently and in a clever way. — Peri. I will seek her now, wherever she is ! Captain, farewell ! [Exit the Officer at the back scene.'] [Manent Periphanes and the Music- girl.] — Peri. [Talking to himself.] Well done, Epidicus ! you are a notable and clever fellow ! You have fought a battle here ! [Shakes his head.] You are the man who have wiped me of the money, sottish as I am ! and at the smallest trouble to yourself! [He turns and addresses the Music-girl.] Has Apae- cides bought you to-day from the pimp ? [A pause, and he speaks louder] do you hear ? — Mus.-girl. [Staring at him.] I never heard of that man before this day, nor could any one buy me indeed with any money; I am a free woman more than five years. — Peri. What business have you therefore at my house ? — Mus.-girl. You shall hear. Being hired for a price I have come here, that I should sing to the harp for the old Gentleman, while he were carrying on his sacred ceremonies. — Peri. [In astonishment.] I confess that of all men in Attic Athens I am the most contemptible. But have you known the Music-girl Acropolistis ? — Mus.-gir/. As well as myself. — Peri. Where does she dwell? — Mus.-girl. Where she may dwell lately, after she is free, I am doubtful. — Peri. Ah ha! do you say so? I wish to know who may have freed her, if you know this ! — Mus.-giil. You shall hear that which I have heard. I have heard that Stratippocles, the son of Periphanes, when absent, took care that she should be made free. — Peri. [Clapping his hands in great emotion.] I have perished truly, if these things are true ! Most evidently Epiclicus has gutted my purse ! — Mus.-girl. I have heard these things so. Do you want me as to any thing else ? — Peri. [Stampbig in anger.] That you may perish in curst tor- ture, and get away with yourself instantly ! — Mus.-girl. Don't you give me back my harp ? — Peri. Neither harp nor EPIDICUS. §fe flutes ! Hurry therefore to fly hence, if the gods favour you ! — Mus.-girl. I shall have gone away just now. You shall give it back to me however at a future time, and with very great disgrace to you ! [ Exit Music-girl at the side scene, flirting her fan in a rage, and walking stately. ~\ — Peri, [solus] What now? Shall I who am placed in such difficulties, suffer that man to go unpunished ? Even though so much more money must be lost, I will lose it rather than suffer myself to be treated in mockery without punishment, and plundered also by them. Is it thus that I have been cheated openly and' before my face ? Now I despise myself less, compared with him who is called the founder of all laws, and the framer of all civil rights. [Exit Pepiphanes into the house, thumping his stick upon the ground in great vexation. ,] ACTUS QUART US. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Phi lipp a from the back scene, and advances to the front. Phil. If a human being has any misery that can claim compassion, that person is miserable according to his dispo- sition. That I experience, to whom many misfortunes flow together into one place, that simultaneously beat my breast. Calamity of many a sort works me. Poverty and terror also dismay the thoughts of my heart, nor have I any where within me a stronghold of defence, where I may place my hopes and expectations. For now my daughter is in the power of enemies, and I am utterly ignorant where at pre- sent she may be. [She stands weeping in great grief] [Enter Periphanes from his house, and seeing her, retires behind her.] — Peri. Who is that woman, that is a stranger coming from abroad, evidently alarmed, and who herself compas- sionates herself? — Phil. My Periphanes is said to dwell in these parts. — Peri. [Behind.] this woman names me ! I do believe, a necessity for some hospitality has come upon her. — Phil. I can wish to give a reward to any one who may shew that man to me, or where he may dwell ! — Peri. [Hold- ing his hand above his eyes to look at her.] I know this woman 56 M. ACCII PLAUTI by sight ; for I seem, I know not where, to have seen her before. Is she or is she not, the woman whom my mind supposes her to be ? — Phil. [Turning round and seeing him.'] Ye good gods ! I have often seen this man before ! — Peri. It is certainly she, whom I remember that I cohabited with, when a poor woman in Epidaurus. — Phil. [Looking stead- fastly at him.] This is evidently he, who first violated my maiden modesty in Epidaurus. — Peri. She, on communica- tion with me, brought forth a daughter, whom I have now at home. — Phil. What if I were to accost him? — Peri. I know not whether I will go to her, if this is she. — Phil. Many years make me doubtful, if this is indeed the man. — Peri. Length of time makes my mind uncertain. But if it is she, whom with some doubt I imagine it to be, I will com- municate with her craftily. — Phil. A womanly cunning must now be used by me.— Peri. [Advancing.] May you be well in health ! — Phil. I receive that salutation for me and mine. — Peri. What else do you say? — Phil. May you be well in health ! That which you gave to me, I give back. — Peri. I do not accuse your honesty. Have I known you? — Phil. If I have known you, I will induce your mind to think, that you must have known me. — Peri. Where have I seen you? — Phil. You are unjustly injurious ! — Peri. How am I thus? — Phil. Because you think it just, that I should serve your memory. — Peri. You have spoke smartly. — Phil. You speak wonderfully. — Peri. Aha ! that is excellent ! Do you re- member a matter? — Phil. I remember it. — Peri. It was in Epidaurus. — Phil. [Weeping.] Alas ! you have moistened my warm heart now with a tear! — Peri. [Continuing.] That I lightened the poverty of you a distrest girl, and your mother. — Phil. Are you he, who for his own pleasure, planted a heavy calamity on me? — Peri. I am he, health be to you! — Phil. I am in health, because I perceive that you are in health. — Peri. [Holding out his hand.] Give me your hand ! — Phil. Take it. [They join hands.] You hold now a woman un- fortunate, and in possession of many miseries ! [She weeps,] — Peri. What is it, that your countenance shews you so sadly troubled at? — Phil. I lament my daughter, whom I took up born from you. — Peri. What as to her? — JPMl. I have lost her, when brought up. She is in the possession of the ene- mies. [She sobs aloud.] — Peri. Have a quiet mind, and trail- EPIDICUS. 57 quillize yourself. Behold her safe and sound at my house I For at once after I heard from my servant that she was a prisoner, I gave money immediately that she might be bought. The servant therefore took care of that affair soberly and honestly, however as to other affairs he is wicked at my cost. — Phil. Grant me, that I may see her, if you wish me to live ! — Peri. [Going to the door of the house.'] What ho ! Can- thara! Order immediately my daughter Acropolistis to go forth before the house, that she may see her mother. — Phil. My courage at length now returns to me. {They both look at the door in eager expectation.'] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter from the house the Music-girl, and goes up to Periphanes. Mus.-girl. What is it, Papa, that you have called me out before the house ? — Peri. That you may see your mother, may go up to her, and give salutation, and a kiss to her justnow ar- riving ! — Mus.-girl. [Looking about.] What mother of mine ? — Peri. She who much affected follows the sight of you with her eyes ! [Philippa stares at her all the time.] — Phil. Who is that woman, whom you order to give me a kiss? — Peri. Your daugh- ter. — Phil. She my daughter? — Peri. Yes, she! — Phil. Can I give akiss to her?— Pen*. Why not to her, who was born of you ? — Phil. Thou, man, art gone mad! — Peri. I gone mad? — Phil. You yourself. — Peri. Why? — Phil. Because I neither know this woman, who she can be, nor have I known her, nor have I seen her with my eyes before this day. I deny that I have known her, who she may be. — Peri. [Stamps with rage.] O the faith of gods and men! What? do I play the part of a Pimp ? who can have strangers in my house, and can draw out money at all from my house. [Turns to the Music-girl.] What are you, who callest me your father, and dost kiss me? [A pause.] Why do you stand stupid? Why are you silent? — Mus.-girl. What do you wish I may say ? — Peri. She de- nies that she is your mother. — Mus.-girl. [ With a careless air.] Let her not be so, if she is not willing ! But in truth, she being unwilling, I will nevertheless be the daughter of my mother. [Pointing to Philippa.] It is not right that I should OW M. ACCIE PLAUTI compel her to be ray mother, if she does not choose it. — Peri. Why therefore used you to call me father? — Mus.-girl. That is your own fault, not mine, May I not call you fa- ther, when you call me daughter? I may even call her mo- ther, also, if she can call me daughter. She denies that I am her daughter, she therefore is not my mother. Lastly, this is not my fault. I said all things, which I learned. Epidicus was my teacher. — Peri. I have perished! I have ruined myself! — Mus.-girl. Have I done any thing wrong then?— Peri. [Shaking his stick at her.] Truly if ever I shall have heard you call me father, I will destroy your life, you vilest creature ! — Mus.-girl. I do not call you so. When you shall be willing to be my father, be so then ; when you shall be unwilling, you shall not have been my father! — Phil. [To Periphanes.] What? have you bought her on that account, because you supposed her your daughter? From what signs did you acknowledge her? — Peri. From none. — Phil. Why did you believe her to be my daughter? — Peri. My servant Epidicus told me so. — Phil. What if it seemed otherwise to your servant? Were you not able to know her, 1 pray? — Peri. How may I have known her? who, however I saw her at first, never saw her afterwards. — Phil. [Clapping her hands.] I have perished a wretched woman ! [She weeps.] — Peri. Weep not, woman ! Go inside the house! have good cou- rage! I will find that daughter. — Phil. An Attic citizen from hence, from Athens, bought her. They said indeed that a young man bought her. — Peri. I will find her. Say nothing! Begone now in-doors ! and keep to yourself this Circe, the daughter of the Sun! [Exit Philippa into the house, and the Music-girl follows her.] [Periphanes solus.] — Peri. I will take pains now in seeking Epidicus, all business being laid aside. If I find him, I will make this day destructive to him, [shakes his stick, and knocks it on the ground in a rage] and that it may become so to the villain! [Exit Periphanes at the back scene, hobbling fast.] EPIDICUS. 59 ACTUS QUINTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter STRATipPOCLEsyrow Ch^ribulus's house. Stra. [solas.'] Badly behaved towards me is Danista, who does not seek the money from me, nor does he bring me that girl, who was bought oat of the plunder. [He looks towards the back scene.] But behold him ! Epidicus is marching hither. What is it, that his brow lours with gloominess ? [Enter Epidicus from the back scene, and advances on one side to the front, without seeing Stratippocles.] — Epid. If Jupiter were to bring with him eleven gods besides himself, all of them thus will not be able to exempt Epidicus from torture. I sawPeriphanes buy the flogging straps. Apgecides was pre- sent there with him. I believe that those men are now hunt- ing for me. They have perceived, and now know that they have been cheated. — Stra. [Going up to him.] What are you about, my convenient fellow ? — Epid. That which a wretched man can do. — Stra. What is the matter with you ? — Epid. Now you are to provide for me provisions for my flight, be- fore I perish ; for two bald old men are hunting for me through the city, and carry in their hands monstrous fetters ! — Stra. Have good courage ! — Epid. Can I have good courage, whose freedom in this world is buried for ever? — Stra. I will pre- serve you. — Epid. Truly they will preserve me safer, if they shall have got me. [He looks out at the side scene.] But who is this young woman, and that fat corpulent man, who is coming hither? — Stra. [Looking out.] This is Danista. But this woman with him, is she, whom I bought out of the plunder. — Epid. [Looking out.] Isthisshe? — Sira. It is she. Is the girl as I said? look at her. — Epid. Is this she cer- tainly 2 — Stra. Contemplate her, Epidicus. From her very toe to the top of her head she is most charming. Is she not so ? Consider her, and look ! You will have seen an image beautifully painted. — Epid. According to your words, you are to proclaim my skin about to be handsome ; me, whom both Apelles and Zeuxis might paint, with the colours caused by elm-tree rods and scourgings ! [E?iter at the side scene 60 M. ACCII PLAUTI Danista, conducting the girl brought to Stratippocles.] — Stra. Immortal gods ! I wonder that you have gone so slow ! He who is detained by swelled feet, would have come to me before you come! — Dani. This girl in truth delayed me. — Stra. If indeed you delayed for her sake, and she wished it, you came here too quickly. — Dani. Come, come! pay me now, and count the money ! that I may not delay my companions ! — Stra. It has been fully counted. — Dani. • Keep to yourself your bag, and bring the money from within hither ! — Stra. You proceed wisely. Wait, while I bring- out the money to you ! — Dani. Hasten now ! — Stra. It is at homo. [Exit Stratippocles into Chjeribulus's house.'] [Danista walks down the stage waiting.] — Epid. [Looking steadfastly at the girl.] Have I any use of my eyes sufficiently true, or have I not? Do I see you, the daughter of Peri- phanes, born of your mother Philippa, arid begotten at Epi- daurus? — Girl. What man art thou, that dost mention the name of my parents, and my own name? — Epid. Have you not known me ? — Girl. I wish indeed, that it may now come into my mind! — Epid. Do you not remember, that I carried you a purse of gold on your birth-day, a hoop ring, and a ring of gold for your finger? — Girl. I remember it, my good man. Are you he? — Epid. I am he, and that man who was here just now, is your brother from another mother, and from the same father. — Girl. What did you say? "my father?" [She looks at him with. surprise.] Is he alive? — Epid. Be of smooth and tranquil mind ! Be silent now ! — Girl. The gods wish me, from a lost woman to be preserved, if you affirm true things. — Epid. I have no occasion to tell false things before you. [Enter Stratippocles from Chjeribulus's house, and Danista comes up to him.] — Stra. [Taking money from a bag, and putting it into Danista's hands.] Take this silver, Danista! here are forty pounds! If any piece shall be doubtful, I will change it. — Dani. You have done well! Farewell kindly! [Exit Danista at the back scene.] — Stra. [To the Girl.] Now in truth you are mine. — Girl. Indeed and verily I am your sister, that you may know the matter equally with me ! Health to you, my brother ! — Stra. [To Epidicus.] Is this woman in her senses? — Epid. She is in her senses, if she calls you her brother. — Stra. What? have I become brother to this woman, only EPIDICUS. 61 while I go in-doors,jmd go out? — Epid. As to that which is of advantage to you, be silent about it, yourself with yourself, and rejoice at it. — Stra. [Addressing her.} Thou hast de- stroyed me, my sister, and found me at the same time ! — Epid. Be silent in your folly! You have at home near at hand, what you may love, the Music-girl, obtained by my endeavour ; and in the same way by my effort I purchase your sister into freedom. — Stra. Epidicus, I acknowledge it. — Epid. [Pointing to the door o/'Apjecides's house.} Go in-doors there, and order, water to be warmed for her ! I will cause you to know all these other matters at a later time, when there shall be leisure. — Stra. [Speaking to her.] Follow me this way, my sister ! [They both approach the house.] — Epid. I shall have ordered Thesprio to pass across hither. But remember, if the old men are at all savage against me, to bring support to me along with your sister. — Stra. That will be an easy thing. [Exeunt Stkatippocles and Acropo- listis into Ap^cides's house.] [Epidicus goes to the door of Ch^eribulus's house, and calls aloud.] — Epid. Thesprio, go out that way through the garden, and bring assistance to me at home ! It is an affair of consequence ! [He quits the door, and comes forward.] I much less fear the old men now, than lately I did. I will return within doors now, that these old hosts when arriving, may be looked to. I will tell these same things, that I know, to Stratippocles within. I do not fly away. I am determined to be present at home ; that he should not throw out against me, that he was pro- voked by my flight. I go away in-doors ! Too long a time I am talking here ! [Exit Epidicus into Ap^cides's house.] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Periphanes and Aptecides from the back scene, with fogging straps in their hands. Peri. That rascal holds us two old decrepit fellows, sadly in contempt. — Apae. In fact, truly and verily, you keep me miserable in a wretched way. — Peri. Hold your peace now ! Let me but get the man. — Apes. I say to you now, that you may know it, get to yourself another companion, rather than me ! for while I am following you, the gouty blood has fallen K 62 M. ACCII PLATJTI down on the knees of wretched me from natural weariness. — -Peri. In how many ways has that fellow this day made sport of you and me ! But how has he gutted my money- bags ! — Ap&. Away with the fellow from me ! for he is verily the son of Vulcan in a passion ! Wherever he touches, he sets every thing on fire ! If you may stand near him, he makes you boil with his flame! — \_E?iter Ep i di cu s from Ap^cides's house, and stands near the door of it.] Epid. More than twelve gods of the immortal gods in the sky, are now with their aid assistants to me, and fight, along with me. As to whatever I have done wickedly, I have helps and sup- ports at home. I scorn all my enemies ! — Peri. [To Apje- cides.] Where in the world shall I look for that man? — Apa. While you may look for him without me, you may seek him, as far as concerns me, in the very middle of the sea! — Epid. [Going up, and addressing Periphanes.] Why are you hunting me? Why do you labour? Why do you [pointing to Ap^cides] trouble this man? Behold me here ! Whether have I fled from you ? Whether am I absent from home ? Have I gone aside from your view ? I do not suppli- cate to you. Are you willing to bind me? harkye ! I offer my hands to you ! You have the whipping straps ! I saw you buy them. Why do you now delay? Tie my hands to- gether ! — Peri. Heighday ! This man of his own accord gives me his recognizance ! — Epid. Why do you not bind my hands together ? — Peri. In truth a wicked slave this ! — Epid. Verily, Apsecides, I do not want you as an intercessor for me ! — Apce. You easily obtain your wish, Epidicus ! [Four lines omitted.] — Epid. You make delay to yourself, when I stand thus unbound. Tie me, I say, and bind my hands together ! — Peri. But it pleases me more to examine you unbound. — Epid. But you will discover nothing. — Peri. [To Ap^cides.] What am I to do now? — Apce. What may you do? Let him be complied with. — Epid. You are a sober- minded man, Apgecides. — Peri. Give me your hands there- fore ! — Epid. [Offering his hands.] They care not ; and closely tie them together, not however hurtfully. — Peri. Judge of it when the work is done. [He ties his hands together with straps.] — Epid. This is well ! Come on now, ask questions of me ! Ask what it pleases you ! — Peri. In the first place with what confidence have you dared to say, that EPIDICUS. 63 she was my daughter who was bought three days ago ? — Epid. It pleased me to do so, and that was my safeguard. [Three lines omitted.] — Peri. But who is that woman? — Epid. The mistress of your son ; that now you may know all the affair. — Peri. Have I given you thirty pounds for buying my daughter? — Epid. I confess that they were given ; and with that money that I bought that mistress of your son the Music-girl, instead of your daughter ! There- fore I touched you for those thirty pounds. — Peri. How greatly you cheated me concerning that hired Music-girl ! — Epid. Truly and indeed it was done, and I judge that it was rightly done. — Peri. Lastly, what was done with the money which I gave?— Epic?. I will tell you. I gave it neither to a bad man, nor to a very good man, your son Stratippocles, — Peri. Why dared you to give it him ? — Epid. Because it pleased me. — Peri. What is this insolence, you vile rascal ? — Epid. I am abused now, as if a slave ! — Peri. [Sneeringly.] As you are a free man, I am to rejoice ! — Epid. I have de- served that I should be made free. — Peri. Hast thou deserved it 1—Epid. Go and see within doors ; I will cause you to know that this is so. — Peri. What business is that? — Epid. The affair itself will now tell you. Only go you in-doors ! — Peri. Oho ! it is not rashly said ! Keep him here, Apsecides ! [Exit Periphanes into the house.] — Apa. What is that business, Epidicus? — Epid. Truly I stand here, bound very wrongfully, by whose endeavour this daughter of his has been this day found. — Apa. Do you say that you have found his daughter? — Epid. I have found her, and she is at home. But how bitter a thing it is, when for things well done you may reap a harvest of calamity ! — Apa. How tired are we, each of us, in seeking you through the city to-day ! — Epid. I am tired with finding out you, ye are tired with seeking me ! [Enter Periphanes from the house.] — Peru What are you talking of there with so great energy? I know that he has deserved well, and that it must be proper to do something for that deserving ! [To Epidicus.] Give me your hands you, that I may loose them. — Epid. You may not touch them ! — Peri. Hold them forth now ! — Epid. I do not choose it. — Peri. You do a wrong thing ! — Epid. Never in truth, unless you make atonement to me this day, will I suffer myself to be loosed. — Peri. [Laughing.] 64 M. ACCII PLAUTI EPIDICUS. You ask a very good thing, and a very right thing. I will give you socks, and a tunic, and a cloak. — Epid. What then besides ? — Peri. Your freedom. — Epid. But afterward ? To a new-freed man there is need of something that he may eat. — Peri. It shall be given. I will furnish food. — Epid. Never truly this day, unless you shall have entreated me, shall you loose me ! — Peri. [Laughing.] I beseech you, Epidicus, that you may pardon me, if in ignorance I have done any thing wrong with my own fault! But, on account of that affair, [he touches his shoulder with his hand] be thou free ! — Epid. Against my will I give you this forgiveness, but I am compelled by necessity. Loose me now truly, if it pleases you ! [He offers his hands. Periphanes and Ap^cides take off the straps that bound his hands, and then go into their house, Epidicus following them. Exeunt Peri- phanes, Apjecides, and Epidicus.] Enter the Company of Players, and one of them addresses the Spectators. He whom you have seen, is that man who gained his free- dom by his wicked conduct! Clap your hands, and farewell I Raise your loins, and lift yourselves upwards ! END OF THE EPIDICUS. M. ACCII PLAUTI MEN^CHMI. CHARACTERS IN THE COMEDY. MENiECHMUs Surreptus, a Gentleman of property '. Men^chmus Sosicles, his brother, also a man of wealth. An Old Man, father-in law of Menaechmus Surreptus. The Wife of Menaechmus Surreptus. Erotium, the harlot of Menaechmus Surreptus. Peniculus, a parasite of Menaechmus Surreptus. A Physician. Jail-Jloggers. Cylindrus, a cook. Messenio, a servant of Menaechmus Sosicles. A Maid-servant. M. ACCII PLAUTI MEN^ICHMI. Scene. — A street in Epidamnum. Menjechmus Surrep- tus's house on one side, and Erotium's house on the other, with their doors opposite. ACTUS PRIMUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Peniculus from the back scene, and advances to the front. Pen. The young men gave me the name of Peniculus, for that reason because whenever I eat, 1 clear the table, clean of every thing ! They who bind captives with chains, and they who put fetters on runaway slaves, in my opinion indeed act very foolishly. For to a miserable man, if bad usage is added to calamity, there is a greater desire to run away, and to act roguishly. Certainly they deliver them- selves from chains by some means or other. In that case the fettered wear away the door with a file, or drive out a spike-nail with a stone. Him, that you wish to keep strictly that he may not run away, it becometh to be bound well with victuals and drink ! You may fasten a man's nose easily to a plentiful table. While you afford him what he eats and can drink, at his own will, and plentifully every day, verily he will never fly, though he may have committed a great crime. [Three lines omitted."] Assuredly I go now to JMe- nsechmus, by whom I have been for a long time esteemed, that he may voluntarily bind me down in that same manner. For that person not only nourishes men, but fosters and amuses them. No doctor prescribes a medicine so good. DO M. ACCII PLAUTI In fact the young man himself is fond of the nicest dainties, gives costly suppers, and heaps up the tables with good things. [Six lines omitted.] Now I go to see him. [He goes towards Menjechmus's door, and stops at seeing the door opened.] But the door of his house is thrown open ! and behold him, I see Menaechmus himself. He is going forth out of doors. SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Menjechmus Surreptus from his house. He turns round, and speaks to his wife within, the door being open. Men. Unless you were bad, and unless you were foolish, unless you were wild and mad, which you may see is hateful to your husband, you yourself ought to hate yourself! Be- sides this, if you shall have done such a thing to me after this day, I will cause, that you, destitute and packed out of doors, must visit your father again. For as often as I want to go abroad, you retain and recal me, and ask where I may be going, what affair I can be about, what business I may be carrying on, what I may seek, what I may bring, and what I may have done out of doors ! I have actually brought home a tax-gatherer, and so it is necessary for me to tell every affair, whatever I have done, or am doing. [Three lines omitted.] You will guard against what is wrong, if you are wise. You will cease to watch your husband. And so, that you may not observe me in vain, on account of that care you take, I will this day lead a harlot to supper, and will order this supper somewhere abroad. [He advances to the front.] — Pen, [Behind.] That man seems to abuse his wife, but in fact he is speaking to me, for if he sups abroad, in truth he punishes me, and not his wife. — Men. [To himself.] Huzza ! truly at length by scolding I have driven away my wife from the door ! Where are now the admirers of a proper husband ! Why do they all cease to reward me, congratulating that I have fought bravely ! [He takes a woman's cloak handsomely adorned, from under his own cloak.] I stole this cloak just now from my wife within there. I am carrying it to my harlot. [Six lines omitted.] What man is here 1 [He looks back.] — Pen. [Advancing.] I am here ! — Men. Oh ! my convenient fellow, MEN^ECHMI. 69 and ready occasion, health to you ! — Pen. Health to you in return ! [They shakeJiands.] — Men. What do you say now to me ? — Pen. I hold by the hand my protecting Genius ! — Men. You could not come to me in a more proper time, than you do now come. — Pen. So lam used to do. I know all the niceties of a convenient time. [Twenty-eight lines omitted, as unfit.'] — Men. [Shewing the woman' 's cloak.] This now shall be carried to my mistress, this harlot Erotium. I will order immediately a dinner to be prepared for me, and you, and her. From that time we will drink, even until to- morrow's day-light star. — Pen. Cleverly you have spoken. Am I to knock at the door now ? — Men. Knock at it ! Wait, wait, [as he is going to knock] I beseech you now ! [The door of Erotium's house is opened.] Behold, she is going out from her own house ! — Pen. [Pointing at the open door.] Oho I you see the sun there ! Are you not greatly blinded by the bright rays of its substance? SGENA TEHTIA. Enter Erotium from her house. Ero. Health to you, my life ! my Menaechmus ! [They embrace.] — Pen. Why am I left out? — Ero. You are out of the number in my account. [Seven lines omitted.] — Ero. [Pointing to the female cloak.] What is this ? — Men. Apparel for you, my rosebud, and spoils taken from my wife. [Nine lines omitted.] Take this to yourself! [He presents the cloak to her] since you alone live most agreeable to my ways of life. [Four lines omitted.] Do you know what I wish you to attend to ? — Ero. I know. I will take care to get those things which you will wish to have. — Men. Order therefore for us three a dinner to be got ready at your house, and provisions to be bought, and some nice delicacies from the Forum. And this immediately. — Ero. It must be done indeed. — Men. We are going on to the Forum, but just now we shall be here ; and while the dinner is cooking, we will drink in the meanwhile. — Ero. Whenever you will, come to me! The thing shall be prepared. — Men. Hasten now ! [to Peniculus.] Follow me, thou ! — Pen. Truly and verily I will stick to you, and follow you at the same time. And since I am not L 70 M. ACCII PLAUTI to lose you to-day, I can gain the riches of the gods to myself. [Exeunt Men^echmus and Peniculus at the back scene.] — Ero. [Going to the door of her house, and calling aloud.] You within there, call out to me Cylindrus the cook out of doors immediately ! [She returns.] SCENA QUARTA. Enter Cylindrus the cook from Erotium's house. Ero. Take a basket, and this money ; [she gives him money] look at those, you have three pieces there ! — Cyl. I have them. — Ero. And bring provisions. See that there be enough for three people, and let it not be deficient, nor over and above. — Cyl. Of what sort will these men be? — Ero. I, and Menaechmus, and his Parasite will sup here. — Cyl. Now those are ten men, for the Parasite readily performs the duty of eight men at supper. — Ero. I have mentioned the guests ; take care of the rest of the business yourself. — Cyl. It must be done. The things are even now dressed ! Order them to go to lie down at table ! — Ero. Return quickly ! — Cyl. I will be here now instantly. [Exeunt — Cylindrus at the back scene , Erotium into her house.] ACTUS SECUNDUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Menjechmus Sosicles, and Messenio his servant, with a cloak-bag in his hand, from the back scene. Men. There is no pleasure, Messenio, in my mind, greater to navigators, than when from the deep afar they espy land. — Mess. There is a greater, I will not speak falsely, if coming to land, you may see that, which shall have been your own country ! But I beseech you, for what reason have we now come to Epidamnum? Whether or no are we to go about all the islands, as we have done the sea ? — Men. I go to seek a twin-brother of mine. — Mess. Now what bounds are MEN^ECHMI. 71 there to be of our seeking him ? This is the sixth year after we give up all our attention to that business ! We have been carried round the Istri, the Hispani, the Massilians, the Illyrians, and all the upper sea, and foreign Greece, and all the Italian coasts, where the sea reaches them. I do be- lieve, if you were hunting for a needle, you would have found the said needle, if it could appear, a long time since. We are seeking for a dead man among the living. For we should have found him a long time ago, if he were alive. — Men. Therefore I am seeking for some man, who may make that a sure matter to me, and who may say that he knows, that that man is dead. Beyond that, I will not take pains to seek. But otherwise, while alive, I will not desist from performing this duty. I know as to him, how dear he may be to my heart. — Mess. You are making a knot in a smooth rush ! But are we not to return home from hence, unless we are to write a history of our adventures ? — Men. I wish you maj use some wise talking, and avoid your evil speech ! Be not thus troublesome ! This matter shall not be in your fashion. — Mess. [Aside, ,] Oho ! with this word in truth I am to know that I am a servant ! He could not in a few words speak more plainly. But nevertheless .1 cannot con- tain myself, but I must speak. [To Ms ?naster."] Do you hear me, Mensechmus ? When I look into the purse, I find, we are indeed very thin of a supply of the needful. Verily and truly I think, unless you will return home, you will groan sadly, when you will have no money while you are seeking your brother. Now truly this Epidamnian nation of men is of this description ; given to pleasure and the greatest drunkards. Then a vast many sycophants and spungers dwell in this city ; and besides, harlot women, no where in the world more engaging, are said to be here. In addition, the name of Epidamnum is given to this city, because no one almost sojourns here without loss of property. — Men. I will guard against that. Give me up the purse here ! — Mess. What do you want with that? — Men. I have fears from you now, from your own words. — Mess. What do you fear? — Men. Lest you should put some damage upon me in Epidamnum. You are a great lover of women, Messenio ! But I am a man given to anger, of an unhappy mind. I will have guarded against either thing happening, when I shall 72 M. ACCH PLAUTI have the money, that you may not commit a fault, or that I may be angry with you. — Mess. Take it, and keep it ; [he gives him a large purse of money] you will have done so with my good consent. SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Cylindr us from the back scene, with a basket of provisions. Cyl. [Talking to himself] I have bought good provisions, and according to my opinion shall put down a good dinner before these dining people. [He advances, and sees Menjech- mus at the front.'] But behold him! I see Mensechmus there! Woe to my back ! The guests are now walking before the door, before I am returning with the provisions ! I will go up to him and speak to him. [He goes up to Men^chmus, lays down his basket, and hows.] Menaechmus, health be to you! — Men. [Answering.] The gods will love you! Do you know who I am? — Cyl. I am not mistaken truly !* where are the other guests ? — Men. What guests are you seeking ? — Cyl. Your Parasite. — Men. My Parasite? [Turning to Messenio] certainly this man is mad ! — Mess. Have I told you, that there are very many knaves here ? — Men. [To Cy- lindrus.] Young man, what Parasite of mine do you seek here ? — Cyl. Peniculus. — Mess. Behold him, I have him safe here in the bag !f — Cyl. You come here, Mensechmus, too soon to the dinner. I am now returning with the pro- visions ! — Men. Answer me, young man, at what price are pigs sold here, really fit for sacrifice ? — Cyl. For a piece of silver. — Men. Receive that money from me; and order yourself to be cleared and expiated from my money! For I know indeed for certain that you are mad, who are trouble- some to an unknown man, whoever you are. — Cyl. I am Cylindrus ! Have you not known my name ? — Men. Whe- ther you are Cylindrus, or Corindrus, you shall have gone to perdition ! I have not known you, and also am not will- ing to have known you! — Cyl. Your name is Mensechmus, * In the Latin, instead of, " non hercle vero," it should certainly be, "non hercle erro." t A pun of Messenio's on the word " Peniculus," which signifies " a napkin." MENiECHMl. 73 so far is what I know. — Men. You speak as a man in his senses, when you call me by my name. But where have you known me? — Cyl. Where can I have known you? You, who must have this mistress of mine, Erotium, as your harlot mistress \—Men. Neither in truth have I her, nor do I know you, what man you may be. — Cyl. Do you not know who I may be ? who very often hand the glasses at our house, when you drink. — Mess. [Shaking his fist at Cylindrus.] Sad fate to me, when I have nothing, wherewith I may break that man's head \—Men. Are you used to hand glasses to me, who before this day never saw, nor came to Epidamnum ? —Cyl Do you deny it 1—Men. I do deny it actually in truth.— Cyl. [Pointing.] Do you not dwell in that house? — Men. May the gods destroy those men who dwell there !— Cyl. This man is truly mad, who himself curses himself! [Men^chmus turns away in anger.] Do you hear, MenaBch- mus? — Men. [Turning about again.] What do you want? — Cyl. If you were to consult me as to that piece of money, which awhile ago you promised to give me, you must order, if you can be wise, a little pig to be brought to yourself, for truly and verily, and for certain, you are not well in your senses, Mensechmus, who now thyself cursest thyself ! — Mess. Aha ! What a man this really, and how very hateful in my sight! — Cyl. [to Messenio.] He is used to joke with me often in that manner. How fond of laughing he is, when his wife is not present ! — Men. [Pointing to the basket.] What business are you doing with this ? — Cyl. What do you wish, I say? this that you see, is it provision enough for three of you? or am I to provide more for you, and the parasite, and the woman? — Men. What woman do you speak of, and what parasites? — Mess. [To Cylindrus.] What wicked- ness urges thee, who can be troublesome to him? — Cyl. [To Messenio.] What business have you with me? I have not known thee! I am talking with him whom I have known. — Men. In truth you are a man out of his reason. I know it for certain. — Cyl. [Taking up his basket.] Now therefore I will make these be cooked, and there shall be no more delay. From this time [speaking to Menjechmus] depart not thou any where very far from the house ! Do you want now any thing of me ? — Men. That you may go to the very worst perdition ! — Cyl. In the mean time it is in truth 74 M. ACCII PLAUTI better, that you should go, and recline at the table, while I apply these articles to the strength of a good fire. I will go in-doors, and tell Erotium that you are at hand, and standing here ; that she may lead you away from hence, rather than you may stand here at the door! — [Exit Cylin- drus with his basket into Erotium's house.] — Men. [To Messenio.] Has he gone away now? In truth I find by experience that your words w 7 ere not false. — Mess. Only observe ! Now I do believe that a harlot woman dwells there, as that mad fellow said indeed, who went hence just now. — Men. But I wonder how he can have known my name ! — Bless. In truth it is not wonderful. Harlots have this custom ; they send to the port servant-boys and ser- vant-girls, if any foreign ship arrives at the port; these ask whose it may be, and what may be the name of it; afterward those women adjoin themselves quickly to a stranger, and fasten themselves on him. If they have enveigled him, they send him hume a ruined man. [He poi?its at Erotium's door.~\ Now in that port stands a pirate ship, from whom I soberly think we must keep of?. — Men. Indeed and in truth you advise me rightly. — Mess. Then at last I shall know that I have advised you rightly, if you shall have been properly cautious. — Men. Be silent now r awhile, for the door of the house has creaked! [They step back.] Let us see the person who goes out hence ! — Mess. I will dispose of this in the mean time. [He puts the cloak- bag at his back.] Observe these things now, if you please. Behold the ship ! # SCENA TERTIA. Enter Erotium from her house, and Cylindrus, and two servants of Menjechmus Surreptus. The door is left open. Ero. Let the doors remain thus ! [To Cylindrus.] Be- gone thou ! I do not wish the doors to be shut up. Now prepare, and take care of matters within ! See that every thing be done which is necessary ! Put down the couches, and burn incense. [Exit Cylindrus.] Neatness is a charm to the mind of lovers. Our pleasantness, however, is to the * Sultis, put for, si vultis : navales pedes, the oars of a ship, put for the ship itself. MEN^ECHMI. 75 lover a calamity, and to us is an advantage. [She looks about,'] But where is he, who the Cook says is before the doors? And behold him, I see the man who is of use to me, and very much gratifies me. It is done to him in the same way as he deserves, and that too of my own accord, that he may be of greatest consequence at my house. Now I will go up to him, and speak to him with delight. [She goes up to him.] My dear life, these things seem wonderful to me, that you are standing here at the doors, to whom these doors must always lie open, more than your own house, since this house must be always yours. Every thing is prepared as you ordered, and as you chose, nor have you any delay within ; the dinner, as you commanded, has been got ready within; and when it pleases you, we may go and recline at table. — Men. [Looking round.] With whom is this woman talking? — Ero. With you indeed. — Men. What communication had you ever with me, or what business now ? — Ero. Because truly Venus was willing, that you alone of all men should exalt me ; and that was not without great merit of yours. For indeed, you by your kindnesses make me flourishing. — Men. [Aside to Messenio.] For certain, Messenio, this woman is either mad, or drunk, who can address me, a man unknown to her, so familiarly. — Mess. Have not I told you, that those things used to happen here ? The leaves first are now falling on you, however, if we shall be here these three days, then the trees will fall on you ! For in this way all these harlots are coaxers, and eager for the money. But suffer me awhile to address this woman ! [He goes near her.] Harkye, my wo- man! I am speaking to you. — Ero. What is it? — Mess. Where have you known this man ? — Ero. In the same place where he has known me for a long time, in Epidamnum. — Mess. In Epidamnum ! him, who never till this day put his foot into this city hither, within it. — Ero. Heighday! you are making pleasantries. [She turns to Menjechmus.] My Mensechmus, my dear, but do you not go within my house? [She points to her door.] To go in here will be more proper for you. — Men. Verily this woman calls me rightly by my own name ; I very much wonder what business this can be. — Mess. [Aside to Menjechmus.] That purse that you hold, has been smelt out by her. — Men. Now in truth you have hinted to me well. Take this awhile; [he hands the purse 76 M. ACCII PLAUTI privately to Messenio.] Now I shall know, whether she can love me rather, or the purse. — Ero. [Approaching him.'] Let us now go in, that we may dine ! — Men. You invite me agreeably, and it is so great a favour! — Ero. [In swprise.] Why therefore have you ordered me awhile ago to cook a dinner for you? — Men. Have I ordered you to cook a din- ner ? — Ero. Certainly, for you, and your Parasite. — Men. Curse on it, what Parasite ? [aside] certainly this woman is not very sane in mind ! — Ero. Peniculus. — Men. Who is that Peniculus ? is it the Peniculus with which my shoes will be wiped ? # — Ero. In truth it is he, who came with you just now, when you brought me the cloak, which you stole from your wife. — Men. What is it? have I given you a cloak that I stole from my wife? Are you in your senses ? [To Messenio.] Surely this woman is fast asleep, standing up in the manner of a horse ! — Ero. On what account does it please you to hold me in ridicule, and to deny to me things that happened ? — Men. Tell me what is that, which I may deny, and that I can have done ! — Ero. That you this day gave me your wife's cloak ! — Men. I deny now even that. In truth I never at any time had a wife, nor have I now; nor ever put my foot hither within the gate, since I was born ! I have dined in the ship. From thence I went out hither, and have met you. — Ero. [Clapping her hands.] See now ! I am an undone and wretched woman! what ship are you now talking of to me? — Men. A ship made of timber. — Ero. My dear, leave off' now to make sports, and go this way along with me. [Points to her door.] — Men. My good woman, you are seeking some other man, I know not whom, and not me ! — Ero. Have I not known you, Menaech- mus, the son of your father Moschus ? who used to say he was born at Syracuse in Sicily? — Mess. [Aside to Menjech- mus.] Whether has that woman come from thence, who has known you so craftily? — Men. I think indeed, she cannot be refused Mess. You must not have done so ! You have pe- rished, if you shall have entered within her threshold ! — Men. Pray, hold your tongue now! The affair is carried on well. I will assent to the woman, whatever she shall say ; if I can but get hospitable entertainment. [Turning to Ero- tium.] Just now I opposed you, not unwise in that; [in a * Alluding to the word Peniculus, that means a Linen-cloth. MEN^CHMI. 77 low voice to her] for I was afraid of him, [points at Messenio] lest he should carry word to my wife about the cloak and the dinner! Now, when you choose, let us go in! — Ero. Are you to wait now for the Parasite? — Men. I neither wait for him, nor care about him ; nor, if he shall have come, do I wish him to be admitted. — Ero. Laa, now ! I shall willingly have taken care of that ! But do you know what I will love you to do? — Men. Order me anything in anyway! — Ero. That you may carry down that cloak, which you had lately given me, to Phrygia, that it may be trimmed again, and that some workings may be added, which I am fond of. — Men. Certainly now you speak rightly. In that way it will be disguised, so that my wife may not know that you have it, if she shall have seen it in the street. — Ero. Therefore, by-and-by, take it away with you, when you shall go away ! — Men. Certainly. — Ero. Let us go in-doors ! — Men. I will follow you now. I want to speak with this man a little. [Exit Erotium into her house.'] Harkye, Messenio, come hither! — Mess. [Going up to him.] What business is it? — Men. Hist ! do you wish to know ? — Mess. What is it now therefore 1—Men. [In a low voice.] It is necessary. — Mess. What is necessary? — Men. I know how you will speak to me. — Mess. You are so much the more faulty. — Men. I have the prey! I have begun so much of the business. Go as fast as you can, and conduct away those servants imme- diately into the tavern of the Inn. Then mind that you come to meet me* before the setting of the sun. — Mess. Master, have you not known those harlots? — Men. [With astern voice.] Be silent, I say ! it will pain me, not you, if I shall have done any thing foolishly. This woman is silly and un- skilled, as far as I have seen just now. Here is a prize for me ! — Mess. Go now, and be ruined ! — Men. Do you not go away now? [Exit Men^chmus into Erotium's house.] — Mess. [Looking after him till the door is shut.] He has perished in truth ! The pirate-ship is towing the cock-boat swamped ! But I am a fool, who can require myself to direct my master. He bought me, as one obedient to his word, and not as a commander to him. [He turns and speaks to the servants stand- ing behind.] Follow me, ye two, that I may come, as was ordered, to meet my master early in the evening ! [Exit Messenio at the back scene, the two servants following hirn.~\ 78 M. ACCII PLAUTI ACTUS TERTIUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Pen iculus from the back scene, and advances. Pen. I am now more than thirty years born, when in the mean time I never did any worse deed, nor a more nefarious one, than to-day, when I thrust myself miserably into the middle of the full assembly. Where, as I am staring about, Menaechmus stole himself away from me, and went ofTtohis mistress, as I believe, and was not willing to carry me there. But may all the gods sink that man, who first devised an as- sembly of citizens, and by this business employs men already employed. Was it not proper, that idle men should be chosen to that affair? who, when they may be cited, unless they were to be present, must pay a fine outright. There is plenty of men, who eat their several meals every day, and who have no business at all ; who are neither invited to eat, nor invite any one. It behoves those men to attend to the meeting, and to the assemblies. If that were so, I should not this day have lost my dinner ; I, to whom, I believe that I wished to have a dinner given, as much as I see myself alive. I will go now, [/te steps towards Erotium's house] for still the hope of the remains of the dinner delights my mind ! [The door of Erotium's house is opened.] 'But what? do I see Menaechmus ? He is going out of doors with a chaplet ! The feast is removed ! Certainly I come in bad season, [ife steps back.] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter from Erotium's house Menjechmus Sosicles. He turns about, and speaks to her within, having a chaplet on his head, and the woman's cloak upon him. Men. May you not be satisfied, if I shall bring you back early in the evening, this cloak nicely and cleverly trimmed up ? I will have caused that you shall say, it is not it, as it shall be so altered. [He goes to the front, and the door is shut.] MEN^ECHMI. 79 ■ — Pen. [Behind.] He is carrying the cloak to Phrygia, his dinner being over, and the wine drank up, and the Parasite being shut out of doors ! Verily, I am not that man that I am, if I shall not have avenged this injury, and myself also handsomely. I will observe what he may be about, and afterward will go up to the man, and speak to him. — Men, [To himself.] O immortal gods, to what man have you ever given more good in one day, and who cannot have hoped for it. [Tivo lines omitted.] — Pen. I cannot hear what he is saying privately to himself. Satiated with eating he is now speaking of me, and my condition. 4 — Men. [Continuing.] She says that I gave this to her [handles the cloak] and had stole it from my wife ; but I saw that she was wrong. I began though to assent at once, as if my transaction were so with her. Whatever the woman had said, I said the same. What need is there of many words ? I no where have been well off, with so little expense. — Pen. [Behind.] I will go up to the man ; for I delight to disturb him. [He comes up familiarly close to him.] — Men. [Staring at him.] Who is this, that comes against me ! [moves off from him a step or two.] — Pen. What do you say, thou man lighter than a feather, most vile and iniquitous, a curse of a man, a cheat, and of no value? What have I deserved of you, wherefore you should destroy me ? How you stole yourself away from me just now from the Forum ! You inflicted death upon the dinner, I being absent! Why have you dared to do so with that, to which I was equally entitled. — Men. Young man, I beg to know, what business you have with me, who in ignorance can abuse me, a man unknown to you ? Do you wish, that punishment be given to you for your bad words afterward ? — Pen. I un- derstand that you indeed have given that already truly. — Men. Answer me, young man, 1 beg ; what is your name ? — Pen. Do you also laugh at me, as if you may not have known my name ? — Men. In truth I never saw you, as far as I may know, before this day, nor have known you. But surely whoever you are, if you may behave yourself, you can- not be hateful to me. — Pen. [Staring at him.] Have you not known me ? — Men. I may not deny it, if I may have known you ! — Pen. Mensechmus, awake from sleep ! — Men. I am awake really and truly, as far as I may know. — Pen. Have you not known your Parasite ?— Men. Young man, your head 80 M. ACC1I PLAUTI is not sound as I understand. — Pen. Answer me, have you not stole that cloak to-day from your wife, and given it to Erotium ? — Men. I neither in truth have a wife, nor have I given a cloak to Erotium, nor have I stole it. — Pen. Are you sufficiently sound in mind ? This affair is now decided. Have I not seen you go out of doors, drest in that cloak? — Men. Woe to that head of yours ! You think that all men are jugglers, because you are one. Do you say that I was dressed as to that cloak? — Pen. I say so truly and verily. — Men. Why don't you march off with yourself where you are worthy to go ? or why do you not order yourself to be purified, O thou most insane man ? — Pen. No one shall pre- vail on me ever truly, but that I will tell all the affair to your wife now immediately, how it may have been carried on. All those injuries shall fall upon you. I will have caused, that you shall have eaten your dinner not unpunished. [ExitPE- niculus into MenjEchmus Surreptus's house.] — Men. [After a pause.] What is this business ? Do I see any one clearly, these people so make fun of me ! [He looks at Ero- tinm's door.] But the door has creaked ! SCENA TERTIA. Enter a Maidservant from Erotium 's house, and goes up to Mencechmus, holding a buckle in her hand. Maid. Erotium says, that she would love you much, if you can convey this at the same opportunity to the goldsmith, and that you must add an ounce weight of gold, and order this buckle to be fashioned again quite new. — Men. Tell her that I will attend to both that, and any thing else, whatever she shall like, if she shall wish any thing to be minded. — Maid. Do you know what this buckle may be? [She gives it into his hand.] — Men. I know not unless it be made of gold. — Maid. This is it, which you said formerly, that you had stole from your wife secretly out of her closet. — Men. Never indeed was it done by me. — Maid. Do you not remember it, I beseech you? Give me back the buckle therefore, if you do not remember it. — Men. Wait. [He looks at the buckle most minutely.] Yes, indeed, I remember it. Now certainly this is it, which I gave her! — Maid. That very one. — Men. JVIENiECHMI. 81 Where are those bracelets* which I gave along with it. — Maid. You never ^ave any. — Men. Certainly now I gave this along with them. — Maid. Shall I say that you will take care of it ? — Men. Say so ; it shall be taken care of. I will cause that both cloak and buckle be brought back together. — Maid. My Mensechmus, my dear, grant that my ears may be furnished, in respect to pendants of a weight of two pieces, that I may see you with pleasure, when you will have come to us ! — Men. Let it be so ! Give me the gold ; I will give, myself, the workmanship price. — Maid. Give it, I beg, from yourself, and I will have returned it to you afterward. — Men. But truly now give it from yourself! — Maid. I will give you double afterward. — Men. I have it not ! — Maid. But you, when you shall have it, then give it ! Do you want me as to any thing more ? — Men. Say that I will take care of these, that as soon as possible, and whenever they can be, they may be even fit for sale. [Exit the Maid-servant into EnoTiuM's^oMse.] — Men. Has she gone away in-doors? [He looks about.'] She has gone away. She has shut the doors ! Certainly all the gods assist, and give me prosperity, and love me ! — But why do I delay, while opportunity and time are given me, to depart from these profligate places ? Hasten, Menaechmus, and run away, and give a quick step ! I will take off my garland, and throw it to the left side, that if any one may follow, they may think that I have gone off this way. I will go, and meet my servant, if I shall be able, that he may know from me these advantages, which the gods give me. [Exit at the back scene.] ACTUS QUARTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter the Wife ofMENiECHMus SuRREPTUs/rom her house, and Peniculus. Wife. Shall I suffer myself to be here in wedlock, when my husband can plunder secretly whatever is at home, and carry it away to his mistress ? — Pen. But do you now be 82 M. ACC1I PLAUTI silent ! I will have caused, that you shall catch him in a manner openly seen. Follow me now. [They go to the op- posite side.] He was tipsy with a garland on him, and was carrying the cloak to Phrygia, which he stole from you to- day in the house. [He sees the garland on the ground.] But behold that garland which he had ! Now am I telling falsities ? Aha ! he went oft" this way ! [He points to the side scene, near the garland.] If you wish to follow him in his steps ! [he looks towards the back scene.] And now, Ods-bobs ! behold him, he is returning most opportunely ! But he does not bring the cloak. — Wife. What shall I now do with him? — Pen. The same that you always did, scold him. — Wife. So 1 think. — Ven. Let us step aside hither. [They retire on one side.] Listen to him from an ambush ! SCENA SECUNDA. Enter from the back scene Men;echmus Surbepti s, and advances to the front. Men. How foolish a custom we greatly practise here, and vastly troublesome ! And every one the best and greatest have this way with them ! They all wish to themselves a great many clients. [Fifteen lines omitted.] Forasmuch as a certain client to-day kept hold of me, who was too solicitous about him, nor was it possible in any way to do what I wished, he so employed me, he so detained me! [Eight lines omitted.] May all the gods destroy him, for he has spoilt this whole day to me, and me also, who looked at alL to-day at the Forum ! 1 have spoilt my day ! I ordered an excellent dinner to be prepared. My mistress waits for me, I know. When first it was possible, I instantly hastened to get away from the Forum. She is angry with me now I believe. The cloak will appease her, which I gave, and which I took away from my wife to-day, and carried off to this Erotium. Pen. [To the wife aside.] What do you say now ? — Wife. That I am badly married to a vile husband. — Pen. Do you hear perfectly what he says? — Wife. Entirely. — Men. [In front.] If I were wise, I must go hence in-doors, where it can be pleasant to me. [He goes towards the door of Erotium' s house, and his wife calls out to him.] Wife. Stop ! or it shall be bad MEN^CHMI. 83 for you else ! Truly indeed you took away that cloak with profit to yourself, hi that way it is given. Do you think that you can do those wicked crimes secretly ? Men. [Turn- ing round with indifference.'] What is that business ? — Wife. Do you ask me that ? — Men. Do you wish that I may ask him? — Pen. Take away your fine talkings hence ! [To her.] Go at him thou ! — Men. [To hisivife.] Why are you afflicted with me ? — Wife. It behoves you to know. — Pen. He knows, but in his iniquity dissembles. — Men. What business is this? — Wife. [Rapping her fan on her hand.] As to the cloak ! — Men. [In seeming surprise.] The cloak? — Wife. [Shaking her fan at him.] How do you say as to the cloak? — Pen. [To him.] Why are you alarmed now ? — Men. I am alarmed at nothing but one thing. The cloak gives me a cloak of paleness. # — Pen. But you should not have eaten your din- ner secretly from me ! [To her.] Go on against your husband. Men. [Sternly to him.] Do you not hold your peace? — Pen. Verily and truly I do not hold my peace. [To her.] He nods at me that I may not speak ! — Men. I do not verily and truly ever nod at all, nor wink at you. — Wife. Dear me ! truly I am a wretched woman ! [She weeps.] — Men. How are you miserable ? explain to me. — Pen. Nothing is more audacious than this man, who denies those things which you see your- self ! — Men. I swear by Jupiter and all the gods, wife, and is this sufficient for you, that I have not nodded at him. — Pen. She believes you now about those things. But return to that place again ! — Men. Where may I return ? — Pen. In truth to Phrygia, I am of opinion ; go, and bring back the cloak ! — Men. What cloak is that? — Wife. I am silent now, when he does not remember his own business. — Men. [To her.] Has any one of the servants done wrong? Do the maids, or the servants answer you saucily ? Speak out to me ! It shall not be unpunished. — Pen. You are trifling ! — Men. [To her who is in tears.] You are very sorrowful, that does not please me much. — Pen. You are trifling now ! — Men. But are you angry with some one of your acquaintances ? — Pen. You are trifling again ! — Men. Are you angry with me at least ? — Pen. Now you are not trifling. — Men. I have not in truth done wrong as to any thing. — Pen. Aha ! now again you are trifling ! — Men. Tell me, my wife, what is * A pun of Plautus evidently, in the words, " Palla Pallorem." 84 M. ACC1I PLAU-TI grievous to you? — Pen. [To her.'] Complaisant now he is wheedling you. — Men. [To him.] Is it possible you cannot be troublesome to me? Do I speak to you? [He turns and reaches out his hand to his wife.] — Wife. Take away your hand! — Pen. Thus now the story is told ! Hasten thou, I being absent, to eat up the dinner ; and afterward before the house drunk, deride me with a garland on your head. — Men. In truth I have neither dined, nor have set my foot inside a house hither this day. — Pen. Do you deny it? — Men. I do deny it truly and verily ! — Pen. Nothing is more audacious than this man. Have I not seen you awhile ago stand here before the house with a garland of flowers ? at a time too when you did deny that my head was sound ? And vou did deny also that you knew me ! You did say that you were a stranger! — Men. Moreover, as lately I parted from you, so at last I am now returning to the house. — Pen. I have known you. You did not think it was in my power to punish you. I told all things indeed to your wife.— Men. What have you told her ? — Pen. I know not. Ask her your- self. — Men. [To her.] What is this, wife? what has he nar- rated to you? what is it? but do you not say what it can be? — Wife. As if you can be ignorant. A cloak was stolen from me in my house ! — Men. Was a cloak stolen from vou? — Wife. Do you ask me? — Men. Now I need not ask, if 1 may know it. — Pen. O the vile man ! how he dissembles ! You cannot conceal it ! I have known the affair well. In truth I have told all things out. — Men. What is it? — Wife. Since it shames you not, and you are not willing to confess it yourself voluntarily, hear me, and attend ! and I will cause you to know, why I am sad, and what he may have told me. My cloak was stolen from home ; — Men. [Inter- rupting.] Was a cloak stolen from you ? — Pen. [To her.] Do you see how the nefarious man takes you up? [To him.] It was taken from her, you need not say from you. Now truly if it had been stolen from you, Menaechmus, it would have been safe ! — Men. [To him.] I have nothing to do with you ! [To her.] But what are you saying ? — Wife. A cloak, I say, is lost from my house. — Men. Who stole it? — Wife. In truth he knows that, who took it away ! — Men. Who is this man ? — Wife. A certain man, by name Menaechmus ! — Men. Verily it was done nefariously ! Who is that Menaechmus ? MEN^ECHMI. 85 — Wife. Thou art he, I say.— Men. Is it 1 1—Wife. Thou.— Men. Who accuses me? — Wife. I myself! — Pen. And I! and you carried it off to your mistress, Erotium. — Men. Have I given it her ? — Pen. You, you are he, I say ! Do you wish an owl to be brought, which may say to you con- stantly, You, You /* For we already are tired out ! — Men. By Jupiter and all the gods, I swear to you, wife, and this is enough for you, that I have not given it ! — Pen. Yea, truly and certainly, we are not used to speak falsely. — Men. But I have not bestowed that cloak, but only gave it to be made use of! — Wife. Truly and really I neither give your coat out of doors, nor your gown to be used by any one ! It is right that a woman only may give women's clothes out of doors, a man, man's apparel. But do you not bring back my cloak home ? — Men. I will cause that it shall be brought back. — Wife. You will have done it, as I think, for your own ad- vantage, for home you shall never enter, unless you shall bring my cloak at the same time. — Men. Shall I never enter my house 1—Pen. [To her.~] What is to happen to me, who have given this attendance on you? — Wif e.Youx attention shall be repaid to you, when any thing shall be stolen from your house ! [Exit the Wife into her own house, and claps the door after her in a fury. ~] — Pen. That indeed and in truth never will be, for I have nothing at home, that I can lose. May the Gods destroy you both, as well the husband as the wife ! I will hasten to the Forum, for I plainly understand that I have fallen off from this family ! [Exit Peniculus at the back scene.] Men. [Solus.~] My wife thinks that I have acted badly towards her, when she thus shuts the doors against me ! as if I may not have another better place, where I can be admitted. [He looks at his door.~] If I dis- please you, good wife, it is to be borne. But I shall cer- tainly have pleased this Erotium, who will not shut me out from her, but will shut me up at home with herself ! Now I will go, and ask her, that she may give me back the cloak, which I gave her a short time since. I will get another for her, and a better. [He goes to Erotium's door.~\ Hillo ! who is doorkeeper here? [Knocks gently. ~\ Open ye the door, and some of you call out Erotium before the door ! [He retires a few paces.] * Plautus has made the cry of the screech-owl resemble, Tu, Tu ! N 86 M. ACCII PLAUTl SCENA TERTIA. Enter Erotium from her House. Ero. [Looking about, ,] Who seeks me here ? — Men. An enemy to himself more than to your beauty ! [He advances to her.] — Ero. My Menaschmus, why do you stand now before the house ? Follow me in-doois ! [She goes towards her door.] — Men. Wait ! do you know what it is that I come to you about ? Truly and indeed as to that cloak, my dear, which I gave you awhile ago, give it back to me again ! Myjwife has found out all the affair, how it was done in every particular. I will get for you a cloak of twice as much more value, which you will like. — Ero. In truth I gave you that cloak, that you might carry it to Phrygia, but shortly before this! and also that buckle to carry it to the Goldsmith, that it might be made new! — Men. Do you say, that you can have given me the cloak and a buckle? It was never done. Recollect the matter. For I truly, after I gave that cloak to you awhile ago, and departed to the Forum, am now returning from thence, and see you now for the first time after those transactions. — Ero. I see what affair you are at! It is now, that you may defraud me, because I trusted those things to you. At that business you are aiming ! — Men. I do not re- quire it indeed for the sake of defrauding you, but I say to you, that my w r ife has discovered the matter. — Ero. I have not of my own accord beg'd of you that you would give it me. You yourself brought it to me voluntarily ; you gave it as a gift to me. Now you ask the same back again. I will suffer it. Keep it to yourself; carry it away and use it, either yourself or your wife, or even thrust it into your eyes both of you ! You shall not put a foot hither inside my doors after this day, be certain of it, since you hold in contempt me, so well deserving towards you! Unless you shall bring money, in vain you try, and cannot wheedle me ! Find some other woman hereafter, whom you may keep in disappoint- ment. [She ivalks stately into her house.] — Men. Truly at length angrily indeed! [He calk after tar]*harkye thou! I say to you, wait now ! Comeback! [She returns.] — Ero. Are you still standing here? Do you dare still to return for my \your ? [Exit into her house in a rage, and claps the door after MENjECHMI. 87 her.]— Men. [After a pause, and looking at the door.] She has gone away in-doors, and shut up the house ! Now am I a man most sadly excluded. Neither have I any credit now at home, nor with my mistress ! I will go, and consult my friends as to this affair, what they may think should be done. [Exit Men^echmus at the back scene.] ACTUS QU1NTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Ewto'MENiECHMUs Sosicles at the back scene, with the cloak on, that he got from Erotium. Men. I acted too foolishly awhile since, when I trusted my purse with money in it, to Messenio. I believe he has plunged himself somewhere into a brothel. [He walks to the front, leans his head on his hand, and meditates.] Enter from her house the wife of Men^chmus Surreptus. Wife. I will go forth to see, how soon my husband may re- turn home. But behold, I see him ! I am safe ; he brings back the cloak, I see. — Men. [Walking in front.] I wonder where Messenio can now be walking! — Wife. I will go up to him, and receive the man with such words as he deserves. [She ad- vances, and stands alongside of him.] Does it not shame you to go forth into my sight, thou villain of a man, with that or- nament on you ? — Men. [Amazed.] What is it? What affair agitates you, good woman? — Wife. You impudent man, do you even dare to mutter one word, or to speak with me ? — Men. What at length have I committed, that I may not dare to speak? — Wife. Do you ask me now? [Claps her hands.] O the impudent audacity of the man! — Men. Do you not know, woman, why the Greeks used to say, that Hecuba was a bitch-dog? — Wife. I do not know indeed. — Men. Because Hecuba used to do the same thing which you are now doing. She heaped all imprecations on whomsoever she had seen. And therefore properly she began to be called a bitch — Wife. I cannot suffer those crimes ! For I can have rather, that I was a widow for an age, than to surfer those vile crimes of 88 M. ACCll PLAUTI yours, which you commit. — Men. What is it to me, whether you can suffer yourself to be a married woman, or may be in away of departure from your husband ? Whether is it the custom thus here, that they must tell their stories to a stranger arriving ? — Wife. What stories ? I say, I will not be in suf- ferings any farther, but will live in separation, rather than I will put up with your evil ways. — Men. Truly, and indeed, live as a widow for aught I care, even as long as Jupiter shall hold his kingdom! — Wife. But did you deny to me awhile ago that you had stole the cloak, and now you have the same before my eyes ? [Shakes her fan at him.} Whether does it shame you of this ? — Men. Why verily, woman, you are exceedingly audacious, and bad ! Do you dare to say that this was stole from you, which another woman gave me, that I should get it trimmed up ? — Wife. Truly as to that, by my stars I will now call my father, and will relate to him your bad crimes, which you commit. [She calls to a servant in her house.] Go, Decio, seek for my father, that he may come to me along with you ! So say, that the matter is ! [She turns to Menhchmus.] I will now expose those wicked deeds of yours. — Men. Are you in your senses? What wicked deeds of mine? — Wife. When you plunder my cloak and my gold, from your wife in her house, and carry it away to your mistress ! Do I say these things pretty right? — Men. I beg truly, woman, if you know, shew me what I may drink, with which I may be able to bear your petulance. I know not what man you judge me to be. — Wife. If you deride me, in fact however you are not able to deride him ; my father who is coming hither! [She looks at the back sce?ie.~\ But do you not look back ? [Men jechmus looks back.] Have you known him ? — Men. I have known him at the same time with Chal- cas. I have seen him on the same day in which I saw you, before this time ! — Wife. Do you deny that you have known me? Do you deny that you have known my father? — Men. By Hercules I will say that same thing, if you wish even to bring your grandfather here! — Wife. By my stars you do this in the same manner, as you are used to do other things. [They stand at the front, apart from each other.} menjEChmi. 89 SCENA SECUNDA. Enter from the back scene, an Old Gentleman, slowly hobbling with a stick; he advances a few steps and stops leaning on his stick, and talks to himself. Old Man. As well as my time of life is, and forasmuch as there is necessity for this being done, I will step for- ward, and hurry now to get on ; but as to that matter how easy it be for me, I am not deceived in the thing. For agi- lity forsakes me, and I am beset with old age ; I bear a body weighed down ; my powers have left me ; as age is an un- happy circumstance, so it is a bad commodity also on my back ; in fact it brings very many and very bad things with it, when it comes ; all of which were I to enumerate, my speech were too long. But this thing is uneasy to me in my heart and mind ; what this business can be, that my daughter so suddenly seeks for me to go to her ! Nor does she make it more known to me what it may be, or what she may want, or why she may call me. But now I nearly know what business it may be ; I believe that some quarrel has sprung up, with her husband. [Six lines omitted.*] But whatever it is, 1 now shall know it. [He looks up towards the front of the stage.] And behold, I see herself before her house, and her husband sorrowful ! It is that, which I was suspect- ing. I will address her. [He hobbles towards the front.] — Wife. I will go to meet my father. [She meets him.] Health to you much, my father ! — Old Man. May you be well, and in health! Do I come to you to have a salute? Do you order me to be called for a salutation ? Why are you sorrowful ? But why has he [points to Men.] stood away from you in anger? Ye have been bickering between you two, I know not why ! Speak in a few words, which of the two has incurred the blame ! Let me have no long speeches. — Wife. I have indeed by no means been in fault in any way. This first I am to allege, father. Truly I cannot live here, nor continue in any way. And for that reason you must carry me away from hence I— Old Man. But what is that ? — Wife. I am held as a laughing-stock here, father ! — Old Man. By whom ? — Wife. By him, to whom you * In this translation, lines are sometimes omitted on account of tediousness. 90 M. ACCll PLAUTI gave rae up, my husband. — Old Man. Now behold, here is a quarrelling ! How often have I told you at length that you should be cautious, and that neither of you should come to me with a complaint! — Wife. How can I guard against that, my father?— Old Man. Do you ask me that? — Wife. Unless you do not like it. — Old Man. How often have I instructed you, that you must comply with your husband? that you must never observe what he may do, where he may go, and what things he may carry on ? — Wife. But now going hence, he loves a harlot near at hand ! — Old Man. He is very wise ! on account of that pains-taking, I shall cause that he shall love her still the more. — Wife. And he drinks there. — Old Man. Will he drink less in truth for your sake, whether it shall please him there or elsew r here ? A curse ! what is this shamelessness ? at the same time you can desire to hinder him, so that he may not go forth to supper, and that he may not receive any stranger at your house. Do you require men to be slaves to you ? Can you demand at the same time to give them their task ? May you order them to sit among the maids, and to card wool? — Wife. Truly, father, I find, I have not brought you here as an advocate forme, but for my husband. You stand upon one side, and plead the cause on the other. — Old Man. If he may have done wrong in any way, I will accuse him so much the more excessively, than I have accused you. Now, since he keeps you adorned with gold, and well clothed, and affords you properly maid-servants and provisions, it is better for you, woman, to assume a sober mind. — Wife. But he robs my gold, and my'cloak, out of my chests awhile ago. He plunders me, and bears away my or- naments, unknown to me, to his harlots. — Old Man. He does badly, if he does that ; if he does not do it, you act badly- who can falsely accuse him, when innocent. — Wife. But even at this moment he has the cloak, father, and the buckle which he had carried down to her. Now he brings it back, because I have found out the matter. — Old Man. I will now know from him, if it happened. I will go to the man, and speak to him. [He hobbles to the front, ivhere Menjechmus has been for some time standing.] Tell me, Menaechmus, what ye both are de- bating, that I may know it! Why are you sad ? But why do you put aside from you that woman, who is angry? — Men. Whoever you are, and whatsoever is your name, old man, I MENiECHMI. 91 call to witness highestJove and the gods.- Old Man. [Inter- rupting] Concerning what business, or what matter of all matters ? — Men. That I have not done wrong to that woman, who accuses me [holds out a piece of his cloak] that I have stolen this from her in her house, and swears that I took it away. If I have ever set my foot within her house where she dwells, I wish that I may become the most miserable of all miserable men ! — Old Man. Are you in your senses, who can w T ish for that, or deny that you ever set foot into that house, [pointing to it] where you yourself dwell, thou. most insane of men ? — Men. Do you say, old man, that I dwell in that house? — Old Man. Do you deny it? — Men. I do deny it, in truth indeed ! — Wife. You deny these things very impudently, ex- cept where you went out from this night !— Old Man. [To the wife.] Go aside this way, daughter ! [she steps aside.] [To Me- nachus.] What do you say? have you gone out from hence? [Points to the door.] — Men. Into what place, or for what bu- siness, prithee? — Old Man. In truth I do not know. — Wife. Indeed he is deluding you! — Old Man. [Turning to her.] Don't you keep yourself quiet? [ToMenjechmus.] Verily now, Mensechmus, you have joked long enough. Now mind this business! Men. I ask what have I of business with you? From whence, or what man are you? What have I done to you, or in fact to her, who is troublesome to me in such a manner? [Men mc hm\js begins to glare with his eyes and make faces.] — Wife. Do you see that his eyes are growing green ? how a green colour rises from his temples and fore- head 1 how his eyes strike fire ! See there ! Men. [ Aside.] What is better for me, than since they declare me to be mad, I may pretend that I am insane, that I may frighten them away from me? [He turns, and yawns, and stretches, and howls.] - — Wife. How he yawns, stretching himself! What shall I do now, my father? — Old Man. [Retreating as fast as he can hobble.] Go away hither, my daughter, the farthest that you possibly can away from him ! — Men. [ Throwing his arms about, and yelling loud.] Evoe, Evie, Bromie Bacche, where do you call me into the wood to hunt? I hear you, but 1 cannot go away from these places, that ravenous bitch-dog so holds me on the left hand ! But behind is that other old he-goat, who has often in his time destroyed an innocent citizen with false testimony. — Old Man. [Lifting his hands and eyes.] Woe to your wretched head ! — Men. Lo ! Apollo commands me from 92 M. ACCII PLAUTI his Oracle, that I should burn that bitch's eyes out with burning torches ! [Hepoints his finger at her, and makes grimaces.] — Wife. [Running to her father.] 1 have perished, my father ! He threatens to burn my eyes out. — Men. [ Aside.] Alas me ! They say that I am mad, when they themselves are mad of their own accord! — Old Man. Harkye ! daughter UV/fe. What is it ? what do we do ?— Old Man. What if I call out the servants here? I will go and bring out those, who may take him away from hence, and tie him down at home, before he can make any more disturbances ! — Men. [Aside.] Now verily, unless I lay hold of some plan for myself, they will carry me off home to them! [Aloud.] Do you forbid me, O Apollo, to spare my fists in any way, on this bitch's face? Unless instantly she may get out of my sight, I will do what you order, to her abominable and great destruction ! [He puts his arms in a pugilistic attitude.] — Old Man. Fly hence, daughter, as fast as you can, lest he may knock you down ! — Wife. I fly away ! but, my dear father, keep him here, that he may not go off any where hence ! Am I not a wretched woman, who hear those things? [Exit Wife in haste into her house.] — Men. [Aside.] I have well got rid of her. Now I will remove away this most vile, bearded, shaking old Tithonus, sprung from his father Cygnus. [Calls aloud.] O Apollo, do you command me thus, that I shall break his limbs, and bones, and joints, w T ith that very walking stick, which he himself holds ? [He moves toicards the Old Gentle- man.] — Old Man. [Retreating.] You shall suffer for it if you shall have touched me, or if you shall have approached nearer to me! — Men. [Vociferating icildly.] Apollo, I will do what you order. I will take a two-edged axe, and bone this old man, and then I will chop his bowels piecemeal ! — Old Man. [Aside.] Verily now that must be guarded against, and taken care of by me. Seriously now I am afraid of him, as he threatens, lest he shall have done any harm to me ! — Men. [Jumping and raising his arms.] Apollo, you command me many things. Now you order me to take the yoked horses unbroke, and fierce, and to mount into the chariot, that I may bruise down this old Geetulian lion, stinking and toothless ! [Jumps upwards.] I have now mounted into the car, and now I hold the reins ; now the lash is in my hand. Get on, ye horses, make the sounds of your hoofs appear in swift galloping. Cause the velocity of your feet to be bent MENJECHMI. 93 towards him. [Points at him.] — Old Man. Do you now threaten me with your yoked horses ? Men. Lo ! Apollo, lastly you order me to make a rush upon him who stands there, and to slay him ! [He starts forward, andsuddenly stops.] But who is this that drags me by the hair hence from the chariot ? He alters your command, and the decree of Apollo ! — Old Man. Alas truly! a disease acute and severe! Gods" and Faith ! even this man who is mad, how well he was a little before ! How a disease so great has fallen upon him sud- denly ! I will go, and call a Physician instantiy, as fast as possible. [Exit the old man at the back scene, hobbling fast.] SCENA TERTIA. Men. [Solus.] Have those people gone away, prithee, out of my sight, who forcibly compel me, that in real good health I must be mad? Why do I delay now to depart to the ship, while it is possible to go there safe and sound? [Two lines omitted.] [Exit Menjechmus Sosicles in haste at the side scene.] Enter the Old Man from the back scene, hobbling slowly, as if in pain. Old Man. My loins are in pain from sitting, and my eyes from watching for the Doctor, and waiting for him, until he can get away from an operation. The odious man scarcely at last is coming hither from the sick people. He says, that he has bound up a broken leg like iEsculapius, but a broken arm like Apollo. I am now thinking whether I can pronounce, that I am bringing a physician, or a setter of legs ! [He looks round towards the back scene.] And behold him ! He is stalking this way! He moves at the pace of an ant. SCENA QUARTA. Enter from the back scene a Physician in great formality of dress, and stalking pompously along. The Old Gentlemanmeets him, and they advance. Doct. Had you told me, pray, what disease he might have ? relate it, my old gentleman ! whether is he distracted, or frightened with fancies ? Let me know this ! whether does a lethargy seize him, or a dropsy ?— Old Man. Why I bring 94 M. ACCII PLAUTI you here for that reason, that you may tell me that, and that you may make him sound, stout, and whole! — Doct. [Taking snuff with an air.] That indeed is a very easy matter to me! That he shall be perfectly sane, I promise it to you on my faith now! — Old Man. I wish him to be attended to with great care. — Doct. Why, I will try the cure more than six hundred times in a day. I will take care of him in such a way for you with the greatest attention. — Old Man. [Looking at the back scene.] And behold him, the man himself there! — Doct. Let us observe him what affair he may be at! [They step on one side.] SCENA QUINTA. Enter Men^chmus Surreptus from the back scene, and advances to the front. Men. Verily indeed this day has turned out perverse and adverse to me ! All those things which I thought to do clandestinely, it hath made known. There is the Parasite, who has made up the measure to me of his wickedness and cowardice! my Ulysses, who has stirred up so much cala- mity against his patron ! which fellow, if I live indeed, I will deprive of his life. But I am silly to say that it is his, which is mine, for he was brought up with my food and expense. I will deprive the fellow of his very soul. But this harlot has acted fittingly, as is the custom of harlots. Because I ask for the cloak, that it may be brought back again to my wife, she says that she had given it me. Alas ! verily, and in truth, I live an unhappy man! [He remains in deep thought.] • — Old Man. [To the Doctor.] Do you hear what he says? — Doct. He declares that he is miserable. — Old Man. I must wish you to go up to him. — Doct. [Advancing.] May you be in health, Menaechmus ! [Menjechmis takes his arm from under his cloak.] Why do you bare your arm, prithee? Do you not know how much mischief you may do now to your disease ? — Men. [Lookitig sternly at him.] But go you, and hang yourself! — Doct. Do you understand me at all ? — Men. Why may I not understand you? — Doct. [To the Old Man.] This affair can scarcely be managed with an acre of Helle- bore! [Turning to his patient.] But what do you say, Me- naechmus? — Men. What do you want?— Doct. Tell me this that I ask you! do you drink now white wine, or black wine? HENOCH MI. 95 —Men. [Scornful.] ^ut go thou and be hanged ! — Old Man. [To the Doctor.] Now in truth he is beginning to get mad in the first instance. — Men. Why don't you ask me, whether I may be used to eat purple bread, or black bread, or dirt bread ? and whether I may be used to eat birds with scales, and fishes with feathers? — Old Man. [Lifting up his hands and eyes.] O dear me! do you hear, Doctor, how delirious he talks? why do you delay to give him some potion before his raving takes him ? — Doct. Wait now ! I will still ask ques- tions. — Old Man. You destroy him with more talking. — Doct. [To MENiECHMus.] Tell me this! Are your eyes used ever to become fixed ? — Men. What! do you think I am a locust, thou vilest man? — Doct. Tell me, do your intestines ever grumble, as far as you may notice ? — Men. When I am full, they never grumble. When I am hungry, then they make a noise. — Doct. [To the Old Man.] He answered this word truly indeed to me, not like an insane man! [To the patient.] Do you sleep till day -light? do you readily go to sleep, wishing for it? — Men. I sleep through the night, if I have paid money to whom I owe it. But may Jupiter and all the gods curse you, Mister Examiner! — Doct. [To the Old Man.] Now the man begins to be frantic. From those words I judge, and advise you, take care of yourself! — Old Man. Now truly indeed, he is more moderate in his words than he was lately. For he said awhile ago, that his wife was a ravenous bitch-dog ! — Men. [With a loud voice.] What said I? — Old Man. I say you are mad! — Men. [Astonished.] I mad ? — Old Man. You there ! who even threatened to ride me down with four yoked horses in a chariot. I saw you do these things, and 1 myself charge you with these things ! — Men. But I know, that you plundered the sacred crown of Jupiter, and I know, that on account of that affair, you were clapped up into prison ! and 1 know, that you were flogged with rods under the gallows, after you were let out ! Then that you slew your father, and sold your mother, I also know. Do I answer these bad words to your bad words well enough for a sane man? — Old Man. I beg of you truly, Doctor, whatever you are about to do, do it quickly ! Don't you see that the man is mad? — Doct. Do you know what is the best thing you can do? Make him be carried down to me! — Old Man. Do you think so? Doct. Why not? 96 M. ACCII PLAUTI There I shall be able to manage the man from my own judgment. — Old Man. Well, as it pleases you. — Doct. [To Men^chmus.] I will make you drink Hellebore during some twenty days. — Men. But I will stick you with goads, while you are hanging, during thirty days. — Doct. To the Old Man.] Go and call the men, who may bring him down to me! Old Man. How many are enough? — Doct. For that purpose four men, for I see that he is frantic. Not less than those. — Old Man. They shall be here just now ! Do you keep him there, Doctor. — Doct. But I will go home that things may be prepared, which there is need of being prepared. Do you order the servants to bring him to me! — Old Man. I will cause that he shall be there just now ! Doct. I de- part!— Old\ Man. Farewell! [Exit Doctor at the back scene. Exit the Old Gentleman at the side scene.] — Men. [Looking after them.] My father-in-law has gone away ; and the Doctor has departed. I am now alone. Oh, Jupiter, what is it, that these men here pronounce that I am mad ! for in fact, since I was born, I never have been sick for one day. 1 am neither mad, nor do I begin battles, nor quarrels. Being well myself, I regard others as being well. I have known men, and often address them. Are not those, who say that I am mad, really mad themselves? [He meditates.] What shall I now do ? I am desirous to go home. But my wife does not permit me! And hither, [pointing to Erotium's house] no one admits me ! too wickedly it has been guarded against. Here therefore I will stay till night. I believe at last I shall be admitted into my house. [He stands near his. own door.] SCENA SEXTA. Enter MEssENio/ro/w the back scene. Mess. It is a trial to a good servant, who manages his mas- ter's business, and views, and puts in order, and applies to it, that, his master being absent, he may guard his master's property diligently, as if he himself were present, or even more carefully. [Twenty-three lines omitted.*] After I fixed my goods, and the servants at the inn, as my master had commanded, I come here thus to meet him. [He goes to- * Omitted as tedious and dull, and the Act being a very long [While they both are advancing.] As if you may never have done anything like this deed of mine ! — Lys. In truth, MERCATOR. 135 never. I took care that I should not do any thing. I am scarce alive, wretched as I am! For my wife on account of that woman is all in a ferment. — Dem. But I will clear you, that she may not be angry. — Lys. Follow me ! [They go to- wards Lysimachus's house.] But I see my son going out there ! [ They go aside together.'] SCENA QUARTA. Enter Eutychus from his father's house, he turns about, and speaks to his friend within. Eut. I will go to my father, that he may know, that my mother's anger against him is appeased. I return immedi- ately. [He turns away, and the door is shut.] — Lys. [To De- mipho.] The beginning pleases me. [They both go up to Eutychus.] What are you doing? What happens, Euty- chus ? — Eut. You both have come most opportunely ! — Lys. What is the matter? — Eut. Your wife is calm and appeased. Give me your right hand now ! [He shakes hands with each of them.]— Lys. The gods are preserving me. — Eut. [To De- mipho.] I bring you word, that you have no mistress. — Dem. May the gods destroy you ! What business in truth is that, pr'ythee ? — Eut. I will speak it out. Therefore attend ye both of you! — Lys. Now we both give attention to you. [Three lines omitted.]— Eut. [Addressing Demipho.] It had not been a proper thing at your age, from your son, a young man in love, to snatch away a mistress bought with his own money! — Dem. What do you say! is she the mistress of Charinus ? — Eut. [Aside.] How the old villain dissembles! — Dem. He indeed had told me, that he bought her as a servant- maid to his mother. — Eut. Therefore have you bought her on that account? You are a new lover, and an old boy ! — Lys. [Laughing.] In truth very well ! [To Eutychus.] Go on still ! I will assist you from this on both sides of him ! [They stand on each side of Demipho.] Let us both load him constantly with words, that he is worthy of ! — Dem. I am annihilated ! — Lys. Lo ! he who did to his innocent son so great an injury ! — Eut. Whom indeed I truly, when he was going into banishment, brought back home ! For he was going to banish himself. — Dem. Has he gone away ! — Lys. Are you still talking, you old sprite ? At that age it did be- 136 M. ACCII PLAUTI withhold i -Dem. [ confess I have done wrong in truth. — Eut. What still are you speaking, you evil spirit? At that age it became you to be free from those crimes ! In the same manner as the different time of the year, so different conduct suits a different time of life. [Four lines omitted.] Give back the girl to your son, that he may have her to himself. — Dem. Now as he wishes, it is lawful through me, that he may have her to himself. Let him take punish- ment into his own hands, as he chooses, on account of this injury, only do you make peace, that he may not be angry with wretched me. If I could have known in truth, or it could have been said to me, even in ajoke/jthat he loved her, I would never effect, that I should carry her away from her lover. Eutychus, as you are his friend, I entreat you, pre- serve me, and assist me. Make me your client ! You shall say, that I am mindful of the kindness. — Lys. Entreat him, do, that he may pardon your misdemeanors, and your youthful age ! — Dem. [In an angry mood to Lysimachus.] But are you persisting now, a heighday, to attack me thus con- tumeliously ! I hope that such a time may arrive to me also, that I may pay back to you a like favour. — Lys. I have now dismissed those arts. — Dem. And truly I from this time forth. Lys. That is nothing! By custom your mind will again bring you to this ! — Dem. I beseech you, that ye may now have sa- tisfaction concerning it. Moreover, flog me with whips even, if it pleases you to do so! — Lys. You speak rightly now. But your wife will do that for you, when she shall have known this matter. Dem. [Alarmed.'] Surely there is no need that she may know it. — Eut. What is that? Come then, she shall not know of it. Fear thou not! Let us go in-doors, as this place is not proper for your deeds to be spoken of, and while we are talking, we are not aware, that there may be judges, who may pass by along the streets. — Dem. Oddsbobs ! but you say rightly ! By that same proceeding our story will be the shorter! Let us go! — Eut. Your Son is here within with us. — Dem. It is excellent well ! We will pass that way through the garden, home. — Lys. Eutychus, I wish this affair to be transacted, before I return within-doors. — Eut. What is that? — Lys. Answer me ; do you know for certain that your mother is not angry with me ? — Eut. I know it. — Lys. Take care as to that ! — Eut. See me now ! [Holds up his head JVIERCATOR. 137 in confidence.'] — Lysf I am satisfied. But I beg truly now, still take care ! — Eut. Do you not believe me ? — Lys. Yes, I believe you, but nevertheless I wretched fear. — Dem. Let us go in-doors ! |! — Eut. Verily, let us mention laws for old men, as I think, before we may go, which laws they must keep, and be contented. He who shall be sixty years of age, if we shall know any such, whether a husband, or indeed a bachelor, to commit fornication, we will act with him by the law here, and we will judge him to be a fool. And let not any one hereafter prohibit his son, a young man, but that he may be in love, if he chooses it ! Let this law therefore restrain old men, as it were from this night, for the first time ! [To the Audience.] Fare ye well in kindness ! And, ye young men, if this law pleases you, it is proper, truly on account of the work of our old men here, that you loudly applaud us, and clap your hands. END OF THE MERCATOR. M. ACCII PLAUTI PSEUDOLUS. CHARACTERS IN THE COMEDY. Simo, an old Gentleman of Athens, father of Calidorus. Calidorus, son o/Simo, in love with Phsenicium. Charinus, a friend of Calidorus. Pseu dolus, a crafty servant o/'Simo and Calidorus. Simia, a sycophant and cheat. Callipho, a friend of Simo. Ballio, a pimp, to whom Phsenicium belongs. Ph^nicium, the mistress of Calidorus. A Cook. Servants of Ballio, A Boy belongifig to Ballio. Harpax, aservant of Polymachaeroplacides, amilitary man. M. ACCII PLAUTI PSEUDOLUS. Scene. — A street in Athens, with houses and temples. Bal- lio's house on one side, and Simo's on the other, with doors opposite. ACTUS PRIMUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter from Simo's house, Calidorus and Pseudolus. Pseu. If from you being silent, master, I could become more certain, what miseries so wretchedly vex you, I would willingly have spared the task of two men, of myself of ask- ing you, and of you of answering me. Now, since that may not be, necessity compels me, that I may ask you. Answer me, what is the reason, that you now for many days past carry letters about with you, wash them with your tears, and do not make any one a sharer of your purpose. Speak it out, that what I am ignorant of, I may know along with you. — Cal. I am wretchedly miserable, Pseudolus ! — Pseu. May Jupiter keep that from you ! — Cal. This does not belong to the judgment of Jupiter. Under the dominion of Venus I am beaten, not under that of Jupiter ! — Pseu* Is it lawful for me to know it, what it may be? For before this you held me, as chief companion to your counsels. — Cal. My dispo- sition is the same now. — Pseu. Acquaint me what grievance you have ! I will assist you either with money, or by my efforts, or with good counsel. — Cal. Take these letters [hands them to him]. Do you yourself inform yourself, what misery and care wastes me away ! — Pseu. Compliance shall be given you. [He looks at the letters.] But what is this, I beg? — Cal. What is it ? — Pseu. I do truly believe, that, unless the sybil u 142 M. ACCII PLAUTl can have read them, no one else can interpret them.— Cal. Why do you speak severely of these clever letters? clever epistles written by a skilful hand? — Pseu. [Looking at a letter.] I beseech you now, have the poultry kind hands also ? for certainly a hen wrote these! — Cal. You are odious to me! Read or return the letters. — Pseu. Yes, in truth I will read them through. Apply your mind now! — Cal. It is absent. — Pseu. But do you summon it ! — Cal. I in fact will be silent. Do you summon it hence from the wax, for my mind is there now, and not in my breast. — Pseu. [After reading awhile.'] I see your mistress now, Calidorus ! — Cal. [Looking about.] Where is she, I beg?— Pseu. Behold her stretched in the letters, she is lying on the wax ! — Cal. But may the gods and goddesses, you now such as you are Pseu. Have pre- served from harm truly ! — Cal. I was for a while as the green herb in summer. Suddenly I rose, and suddenly I fell. — Pseu. Be silent, while I read the letters through ! — Cal. Therefore why do you not read them? — Pseu. [Reading.] " Phaenicium, through wax, and linen, and letters, her inter- preters, sends salutation to her lover Calidorus, and seeks safety from thee, weeping with a fluttering mind, and heart, and breast." — Cal. [Clapping his hands together.] I have pe- rished ! Nowhere do I find safety, Pseudolus ; that which I may send back to her. — Pseu. What safety? — Cal. That of money. Read now! I will cause you to know now, how suddenly there must be need to me of money being found. Pseu. [Reading on.] "The Pimp has sold me to a Mace- donian officer abroad for twenty pounds, my dear love ! And before he departed hence, the officer had given fifteen pounds, and now only five pounds remain unpaid. On that account the soldier left here a token, his own image ex- pressed from a ring in wax, that the person who might bring a token like it hither, should send me along with it. For that affair this day is appointed, being the nearest Dionysian day." — Cal. Those festivals are to-morrow truly. Ruin is near me, unless I have some help in you.— Pseu. Suffer me to read the letter through. — Cal. I permit you, for now I seem to talk with her. [Seven lines omitted.] — Pseu. [Reading.] " Distraction, separation, and ruin is coming, unless I have some safety in you, or you in me. All these things that I have known, I have taken care that you should know. Now PSEUDOLUS. 143 I shall try you, how far you may love, and how much you may pretend it \ Farewell !" — Cal. That is written in misery, Pseudolus ! — Pseu. In great misery surely ! — Cal. Why do you not weep then ? — Pseu. I have eyes as dry as pumice. I cannot prevail on them, that they may bring up one tear only. — Cal. And why thus? — Pseu. My family was always dry-eyed"! — Cal. Do you not dare to assist me ? — Pseu. What shall I do for you?— Cal. Alas \~Pseu. Alas ? Oh! I will give you that truly and verily, you are not to spare that ! — Cal. I am wretched ! I find no where money to borrow, Pseudolus ! — Pseu. [Lifting hands and eyes.] Alas ! alas ! — Cal. Nor is there any money within ! — Pseu. Alas ! — Cal. And he is about to carry away the woman to-morrow! — Pseu. O dear ! Alas ! — Cal. In that way now do you assist me? — Pseu. I give you that which I have. For that Alas is a perpetual treasure in our house ! — Cal. It is all over with me this day. But can you now only give me some drachmas to borrow, which to-morrow I will return you ? — Pseu. Scarcely in truth do I think I can do it, even if I shall give myself as a pledge. But what do you wish to do from having a drachma? — Cal. I want to buy a rope for myself. — Pseu. For what reason ? — Cal. That I may hang myself. I am determined before night to embrace darkness. — Pseu. Who therefore will give me back my drachma, if I shall have given it you? Whether do you not wish to hang your- self on purpose for that reason, that you may defraud me of my drachma, if I shall have given it you ? — Cal. Certainly by no means can I live, if she is removed, and carried off from me. [He weeps.] — Pseu. Why do you weep, you goose you ? You shall live \—Cal. Why should I not weep ? who have neither a coin of silver ready, nor can I have the hope of a farthing any where in the world. — Pseu. As far as I un- derstand the real meaning of the letters, unless you may have wept for her in tears of silver drachmas, as to what by your tears you want yourself to make out, it is of no more signification, than if you were to pour water into a sieve. But truly now, fear not, I will not forsake you, loving as you do ! I hope that with some good effort, or with an endeavour now, that I shall find for you aid of money from some place or other, this day. And I know not from whence I shall say, that that is to be, unless that it is to be. For so far my 144 M. ACCIX PLAUTI presumption rises. — CaL I wish that deeds may aid the words that you say ! In you are now all the hopes of my life. — Pseu. Is it enough, if I get this woman for you to-day, so that she may be yours, or if I give you twenty pounds? — CaL Enough, if it is really to be. — Pseu. Ask of me twenty pounds ! That you may know, that I will get for you what I promised ; ask of me, I beseech you truly ! I delight to promise. — CaL Will you give me to-day twenty pounds of money, Pseudolus? — Pseu. I will give them, and now be not troublesome to me any more ! And lest you may deny that this was said to you, I tell you beforehand, I will touch your father for it, if I shall be able to touch no one else ! — CaL May all the gods preserve you to me ! But if you can, for the sake of propriety you may touch even my mother also ! — Pseu. Concerning that matter, go to rest on either eye ! — CaL On either eye is it, or on either ear? — Pseu. This word of mine is less in vulgar use. Then lest any one may deny that it was said to them, I declare to all men, that at this day they may guard against me, and must not trust me. — CaL [Looking at the Pimp's door.] Hist ! Be silent truly, I beg ! — Pseu. What is the matter? — CaL The Pimp's door has cracked ! — Pseu. I should wish rather now, that his legs had cracked ! — CaL And now he himself is going out, a totally perjured villain ! [They retire some way back.] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Ballio the Pimp from his house, driving before him with a thong-whip some ragged-looking sei-vants. Ball. Get out there ! [Lashes two or three of them.] Get on ! Go, you lazy wretches ! badly accustomed, and bad minded, to any of whom nothing ever occurred to do what is right ! [Three lines omitted.] Fellows, who have these in- tentions, and this is their work, when an opportunity is given, snatch, pilfer, catch, plunder, drink, eat, and run away. So that you may choose rather to have wolves among sheep, than these as guards at home. [Ten lines omitted.] See how they are minding other matters ! Mind ye this! Attend to this matter! Cock your ears hither, ye PSEUDOLUS. 145 stripe-worthy race of men ! Odds-curse, your back will never be harder than this leathern cat-o'-nine-tails of mine ! [He fogs a fellow who writhes and roars."] How now ? Does it pain you? Aha! So it is applied, if any slave despises his master. Stand up, all of you, opposite me here, and mind what 1 say! [Six lines omitted.'] When I return from the Forum, see that I may find all the things prepared, and that all things may be nice, and well cooked. For this is my birth-day. It becomes you all to celebrate it together. , I wish in fact to receive some great men very magnificently, that they may suppose I have property. Go away in-doors, and get ready these things quickly, lest there be any delay when the cook may come to me! [The servants go into the Pimp's house, all except a Boy.] I am going into the market, that whatever fish is there, I may buy it up at any price. Go before me, boy ! Caution is necessary, lest any one may cut my purse. Or wait there ! There is something that I almost forgot to say at home. [The rest of this scene on the part of Ballio is so disgusting, that it must be omitted.] [Exit Ballio into his house.] SCENA TERTIA. Calidorus and Pseudolus advance a little way forward. Cal. Do you not hear, Pseudolus, what this man says ? — Pseu. Truly, master, I hear him, and am applying my mind to it. For some time past I with him, and he with me, are in good will together, and there is an old friendship between us. I will carry on against this fellow to-day on his birth- day a great scheme of malignity, and a well matured one. — Cal. What need is there of it? — Pseu. Cannot you mind something else now ? — Cal. But ! — Pseu. Hubbub but ! — Cal. I am wretched-hearted ! — Pseu. Harden your heart then ! — Cal. I cannot. — Pseu. See that you can. — Cal. By what means can I be able to subdue my mind 1—Pseu. Mind rather the good that may be, than think in your mind about adversity. — Cal. Those things are nonsense! It is not pleasant to a lover, unless the lover acts like a fool. — Pseu. Are you going on still! — Cal. O, my Pseudolus, suffer me 146 M. ACCIl PLAUTI to be an idiot! Permit me !— Pseu. Suffer yourself as to that ; only let me depart ! [He steps away, as if going off.'] — Cal. Stay ! stay ! Now as you shall wish me to be, so I will be! [Pseudolus returns to him.] — Pseu. Now you are wise ! Enter B a llio from his house. Ball. The day is going away. I am giving delay to my- self! [He addresses the Boy, who had been standing near the door.] Go before me, boy ! [The Boy walks slowly towards the back scene before him.]— Cal. [To Pseudolus.] Harkye ! he has gone from hence! Why don't you call him back? — Pseu. Why do you hurry ? softly ! — Cal. But before he can get away. — Ball. [Tq the Boy.] W T hat is this curse? You go too slowly, boy ! — Pseu. [Calling.] Hillo you ! Infant ! Infant babe! I call to you! Harkye, you new-born baby, come back, and look at us ! Although you are busy, we stop you. Stay, I say ! Those are here, who want to speak with you ! — Ball. [Turning round.] What is this? Who is it, that gives me troublesome delay, when so busy? — Cal. He who was a preserver to you ! — Ball. He who was so, is dead. He who is now, is alive. — Pseu. That is too proud ! — Ball. You are too troublesome ! [He turns away, and goes on.] — Cal. [To Pseudolus.] Call him to account! Follow him up ! — Ball. Go on, boy! — Pseu. Let us go this way, and meet him. [They go down by the side scenes, and confront him.]— Ball. May Jupiter destroy you, whoever you are ! — Pseu. I want you. — Ball. But I see you both. Turn yourself this way, boy. [He walks another way.] — Pseu. Is it not possible to talk with you? — Ball. But it does not please me. — Cal. But if it is any thing to your advantage ! — Ball. Then it is lawful. [He walks on again.] — Pseu. Harkye, wait! [Takes Ballio by the arm.] — Ball. Let me go ! — Cal. Ballio, hear me ! — Ball. I am deaf. On my truth you are talking in vain. — Cal. I gave you money while I had it.— Ball. 1 don't ask you for what you gave ! — Cal. I will give you cash, when I shall have it. — Ball. [With indifference.] Bring it me, when you shall have it. — Cal. Alas ! Alas ! In what a vile way I have lost that which I brought to you, and which I gave you ! — Ball. Your money defunct, you are now talking about it ! You are a fool. You are transacting a business, that's PSEUDOLUS. 147 over. — jfseu. Acknowledge him at least, who he is! — Ball. I know a long time who he has been ; now let himself know who he is ! Walk away you ! [He pushes away Calidorus, - as he walks.] [Here twelve lines are omitted.] — Pseu. But do you know what we wish of you ? — Ball. Why I know it pretty nearly. That I may have some loss certainly ! — Pseu. It is both that and this. Now, as to what we call you back for, attend to me, I beg ! — Ball. I hear. But as I am now busied, compress into a few words what you may want. — Pseu. It shames him, as to what he promised you, that he gave not yet to you the twenty pounds for his mistress, and on the day in which he promised it. — Ball. That is easier borne by much that shames a man, than that which grieves him. It shames him here, that he has not given me the money ; it grieves me that I have not received it. — Pseu. But he will give it. He will get it. Wait only these some days ! [Twenty lines omitted, the scene being too long.'] — Cal. All men fear to trust me. — Ball. I have the same rule, I fear to trust. — Pseu. To trust indeed ! harkye you! Does it not repent you, thinking of how great use he may have been to you? — Ball. No lover is a proper one, unless he who per- petuates gifts, and gives constantly. When there may be nothing to give, let him cease to love at the same time ! [Twelve lines omitted] — Cal. Is thus the favour so badly re- turned from you, to me well deserving your kindness? — Ball. What now do you want? — Cal. That you may wait these six days only at farthest, and may not sell her, and may not ruin me, a man in love ! — Ball. Be of good courage ! I will wait even six months. — Cal. [Rubbing his hands m joy.] Well done ! O most clever man ! — Ball. But do you wish, that from a joyful man, I may make you still more rejoicing? — Cal. What is it now? — Ball. Because indeed I have not Phsenicium now to be sold \—Cal. You have not? — Ball. I have not, truly and verily. — Cal. [Turning to Pseudolus.] Get the victims, Pseudolus, that I may now sacrifice to this excellent Jupiter! [Twelve lines omitted.] Tell me, I beseech you truly, [this to Ballio] and seriously now, this that I ask you. Have you not my mistress Phas- nicium to be sold? — Ball. Certainly, and in truth I have not. For I sold her some time since. — Cal. In what way ? — Ball. Without ornaments, with all her naturally consti- 148 M. ACCII PLAUTI tuted form — Cal. Have you sold my mistress? — Ball. Cer- tainly, for twenty pounds. — Cal. [Starting in amazement.] For twenty pounds? — Ball. Or for four times five pounds, which- ever you will, to a Macedonian Officer, and already I have fifteen pounds of it. — Cal. What do I hear from you ? — Ball. That your mistress is made into money. — Cal. Why have you dared to do that? — Ball. It pleased me. She was my own. — Cal. Hillo ! Pseudolus ! bring me a sword ! — Pseu. What need of a sword ? — Cal. [Pointing at the Pimp.] To slay him, and myself. What do you say, thou most false of all men, as far as earth contains them, hast thou not sworn, that thou wouldst sell her to nobody but to me ? — Ball. I do confess it. — Cal. To wit, in fashioned words. — Ball. But intended words also. — Cal. You have been false, you villain! — Ball. But I pocketed some money though ! I a villain can draw out money from home now. You, who are good, and born from that grand family have no cash at all ! — Cal. Pseudolus, assist on the other side of him, and load this fellow with curses ! — Pseu. It must be done. [Goes on one side of him.] You impudent fellow ! — Ball. [Coldly.] It is so. — Pseu. A wicked wretch ! — Ball. You say the truth. — Pseu. A rogue! — Ball. Why not? — Cal. [On the other side of Ballio.] You robber at funerals ! — Ball. Certainly. — Cal. You executioner! — Ball. Excellently done. — Cal. Thou cheat! — Ball. All these things are mine. — Pseu. A parricide ! — Ball. Go on you ! [Four lines omitted.] — Cal. You beat your father and mother ! — Ball. And slew them also, rather than I would give them food ! have I done wrong at all ? — Pseu. We are pouring our words into a broken cask. We lose our labour. — Ball. Do ye wish to say any thing else besides ? — Cal. Does it shame you at all ? — Ball. That you are found an empty lover, as a nut without a kernel. But though you have said to me many and bad words, against me, unless the officer shall have brought me the five pounds that he owes me, as this particular day was fixed for paying that money, if he shall not come, I think that I can be able to do this duty to myself. — Cal. What is that ? — Ball. If you shall have brought the money, I shall have broke the bargain with him. This is a duty to myself. If it be worth your while, I will talk more with you. But without money it is in vain, that you require me to pity you. This is my decision, that PSEUDOLUS. 149 you may consider from this, what you may further do. [Ballio moves away.] — CaL Are you departing now ? — Ball, I am now full of business. [Exit Ballio with the boy at the back scene.] — Pseu. [Looking after him.'] You shall have more business a little afterward ! [To Calidorus.] That is my man. Unless all the gods and goddesses desert me, I will roast that fellow, in the very same manner as a cook does a shell- fish. But now, Calidorus, I want you to assist me. — CaL What do you command me? — Pseu. I want to assault this town, that it may be taken this day. To this business it is necessary to have a man, cunning, skilful, clever, and crafty, who may make our orders effective ; not one, that may sleep at his post of watch. — CaL Tell me what you are about to do ! — Pseu. I will cause you to know it in good time. I don't choose to repeat it twice. Stories are made long enough thus without it. — Col. You desire a very good, and a most proper thing. — Pseu. Hasten, and bring the man quickly ! There are few friends out of many, who can be depended on. — CaL I know that. — Pseu. Therefore [looking carefully on each side] get a chosen one to you ! Out of many of them seek out one, who can be a sure man. — CaL Just now I will make him be present here. — Pseu. Can't you go away ? You make delay to yourself by your talking. [Exit Calidorus at the side scene.] SCENA QUARTA. Manet Pseudolus. Pseu. [Solus.] After he has gone away, you stand alone here, Pseudolus ! To whom not one drop of sure counsel is ready, nor also of money. Nor do I know now, what I shall do, nor where to begin first, nor have you, Pseudolus, a knowledge whence you may begin. [Seven lines o?nitted.] Now I have been willing to throw a net over our old man, but, by what means I know not, he perceived it before hand. [He looks towards the back scene.] But my words and voice must now be stopped, for I see, behold him now, Simo coming on hither, along with his neighbour Callipho. Out of this old tomb I will this day dig out twenty pounds, which I may give to my master's son. Now I will step aside here, that I may gather their conversation- [Pseudolus goes aside.] x 150 M. ACCII PLAUTI SCENA QU1NTA. Enter Simo and CALLiPHoyVo??i the back scene, and walk up the stage together. Sim. [Tzco lines omitted.] No one can go beyond my son, I do believe ; for the only talk among all men through the city is now, that he is willing to liberate his mistress, and to seek for money to that purpose. Several bring me word of this, and now In fact I perceived that matter before this time, and I smell out his scheme. — Pseu. [Behind the old gentlemen.'] This affair now is done up ! This business sticks fast ! Where I wanted to go for providing of money, the way is there now completely blocked up ! The old fellow has perceived it all beforehand. There is no booty for the plunderers! — Call. [To Simo.] In truth those things that are told you, that your son is in love, and is willing to circum- vent you in regard to money, those matters said to you are perhaps all lies. But if they are true, as the custom now chiefly is, what wonderful thing has he done? what new thing ? if a young man loves, and if he liberates his mistress ? — Pseu. [Behind.] O the clever old man! [Nine lines omitted.] Sim. [Turning round.[ Who speaks here? This truly is my servant Pseudolus ! He corrupts my son, and is the head of all wickedness. This is the leader ; this is that tutor of youth ! Now I expect to be tortured ! — Call. That is folly now, to carry your anger thus ready about you. How much better it is to go up to him with kind words, and to seek out, whether those things that they tell you, be true, or not. — Sim. I will mind you. — Pseu. [Behind.] The march is to you, Pseudolus ! prepare yourself a speech against the old fellow ! I am first though to salute my master, as is right. Afterward, if there be an opportunity, I am to salute the neighbours. [He comes up to his master.] — Sim, Health to you ! what is doing ? — Pseu. [Standing erect and stiff.] Standing here in this way! — Sim. [To Callipho.] See, Callipho, the attitude of the man, as it were, princely ! — Call. I think he stands pro- perly and confidently. — Pseu. [Standing ivith his head erect.] It becomes an innocent servant, who can be without fault, to be proud, most particularly with his own master. — CalL "PSEUDOLUS. 151 XTo Pseudolus^] There are matters which we wish to ask you, that we ourselves know and have heard, as it were through a cloud of mist. — Sim. [To Callipho.] This fellow will wear you out with words, so that you may not think thatPseudolus, hut Socrates is speaking with you.— Pseu. It is so. A long time past you spurn me, I perceive, and I myself know that you have little faith in me. You covet that I should be bad, and yet I will be of strict honesty. — Sim. Pseudolus, make your ears now to be at leisure, that my words may be able to go where I wish them! [Eleven lines omitted.] What do you . say? do you know that my son loves any music-girl? — Pseu. It is for me to deny it. — Sim. May he be willing to liberate any woman ? — Pseu. This also I deny. — Sim. Do you pre- pare to take away from me any twenty-pounds by wheedling, and crafty tricks? — Pseu. Can I take them away from you? Sim. Well! which you may give to my son, and with which he may free his mistress ? — Pseu. It is necessary to confess this. — Call. He confesses it. — Sim. Have I not told you that just now? — Call. I remember it.— Sim. [To Pseu- dolus.] Why were these things concealed from me, imme- diately when you found them out ? Why have I not known it?— Pseu. I will tell you. Because I was unwilling that a bad custom should be produced by me, that a servant should criminate his own master before a master. [Ten lines omitted.] Sim. What now will ye do? for money indeed cannot be carried away hence from me, who must have particularly perceived the scheme. Now I will give notice to all, that no one may trust money to you.— Pseu. I will never in fact sup- plicate any one for money while you shall live. You truly shall give me the money ! From you in truth I shall take ^! Sim. Will you take it from me? — Pseu. Certainly! — Sim. By Hercules blind out my eye, if I shall have given it ■y 0U i Pseu. You will give it though ! I now tell you to be upon your guard against me. — Call. Certainly and truly I know, if you shall have carried off the money, you will have done a wonderful and great exploit! — Pseu. I will do it how- ever . Sim. If you shall not have carried it off, what then ? Pseu. Then flog me with rods ! But what if I shall have carried it off? — Sim. I give Jupiter a witness to you, that I will give you no punishment during my life. — Pseu. Make yourself remember that ! — Sim. Cannot I be on my guard, to 152 M. ACCII PLAUTI whom it is told beforehand to be so ? — Pseu. I tell you be- forehand, that you must take care ! I tell you, I say, to take care! Have a care! Aha! You will give me the money this day with those very hands of yours. — Call. A very knowing fellow surely, if he keeps his word ! — Pseu. Carry me away to be your slave, if I shall not have done it. — Sim. You speak well and kindly, but already you are my slave. — Pseu. Do ye wish also I shall say, what ye may more wonder at ? — Call. I wish indeed to hear, for I listen to you with pleasure. — Sim. Come on now ! for with pleasure enough I hear you talk. — Pseu. Before I shall fight that battle, I will first have another fight, famous and memorable. — Sim. What fight? — Pseu. Why with this Pimp your neighbour. As to that music-girl whom your son pines for, I will cleverly chouse the Pimp of her with tricks and skilful frauds. — Sim. [Coming close?- to him.'] What is it? — Pseu. I will render each thing effected this day by the evening. — Sim. If you shall have performed these works, as you declare, you will have excelled in power king Agathocles! But if you shall not have done it, there is no reason why I may not instantly clap you into prison. — Pseu. Not for one day only, but for ever ! But if I shall have effected it, will you give me the money with your own free will, which I were to give at once to the Pimp? — Call. [To Simo.] Pseudolus requests a proper right. Say to him, I will give it. — Sim. But now do you know what comes into my mind ? What if these men have agreed be- tween themselves, Callipho, or by agreement and contrived tricks make up a plan, by which they may chouse me of my money ? — Pseu. Who can be more audacious than me, if I may dare to do that bad deed? Truly, Simo, if we have thus agreed together, or entered into counsel of that affair, or if we have even met about that business, so mark me down all over with rods of elm, as letters are written in a book with a pen ! — Sim. Set going your schemes now immediately, when it pleases you!— Pseu. Give your attention to me for this day, Callipho, I request, so that you may not anywhere ap- ply yourself to other business. — Call. Why now, I had yes- terday appointed, that I would go to the country. — Pseu. But now disturb the plans which you have fixed. — Call. Now I am determined not to go away, on that account you mention. It is a pleasure to me to see your schemes, Pseu- PSEUDOLUS. 153 dolus, and if I sliall see that he does not give you the money, which he said he would, rather than it may not be done, I will give it myself. I will not swerve from this. — Pseu. For truly, if you will not give it, you will be accused with a great outcry, and violently indeed. Come on now ! Move your- selves off hence in-doors at once, and give room in turn to my deceptions S — Sim. Let it be done. You must be com- plied with. — Pseu. [To Simo.] But I wish you to be at home constantly. — Sim. Truly I give this attention to you. — Call. But I will go to the Forum. I will be here presently. — Sim. Return immediately ! [Exit Simo into his house. Exit Callipho at the back scene.'] Manet Pseudolus. Pseu. [Nine lines omitted.] It pleases me now to step aside hence within-doors, for some little time, while I call toge- ther within my heart all my roguish deceptions! [Exit Pseudolus into his master's house.]* ACTUS SECUNDUS. , SCENA PRIMA. Enter Pseudolus from Simo's house. Pseu. O Jupiter, how cleverly and prosperously all things turn out to me, whatsoever I do ! nor is any counsel con- tained in my breast, that I can doubt of, or what I may be afraid of. [Six lines omitted.] Now will I nobly batter down Ballio, [speaking to the audience] this common enemy of mine and yours. Give ye your attention now ! I want to assault this town, that it may be taken this very day. And to this I will bring my legions. If I sack this town, I will make this matter pleasant to my citizens. From thence I will load and fill myself and all my friends with plunder, sharers together. I will strike terror and fright into my * The first act, notwithstanding the omissions, is of great length; but the dialogue is excellent. 154 M. ACCII PLAUTI enemies, that they may know that I am born in the world. I am sprung from a fine race, and so it becomes me to effect great exploits, which may afterward be spoken of in regard to me as a renowned man, and thus for a length of time. [He look towards the back scene.'] Now as to this man whom I see, who is he that is offered to my eyesight oppo- site, an unknown man? It is my wish to know what he may want here with his long sword on. [Pseu dolus steps aside.] From hence I will lie in wait for him, to know what affair he may be about. SCENA SECUNDA. Enter from the back scene Harpax, sei-vant of the Officer, with a purse in his hand. Har. [Staring up at the houses.] These are the places, these the situations, which were pointed out to me by my master. I am now regarding with my eyes the descrip- tion, which my master the officer related to me thus ; " that it is the seventh house from the gate, where dwells that pimp, to whom he ordered me to carry the token, and this money. [He chinks the money in the purse.] I would vastly wish for some one, who may make it certain to me, where here the pimp Ballio dwells. [He advances forward, looking from side to side.] — Pseu. [Behind him.] Hist! Silence! Silence! This is my man, unless all gods and men forsake me. Now I have need of a new scheme ! A new affair this is suddenly offered to me. I will first in the beginning turn myself to this matter. I dismiss all those things, which I before began to do. I will now in truth finely smite this mi- litary messenger coming here ! — Har. [Having stared for some time at Ballio's door.] I will knock at the door, and call out some one that's within, to come out of doors. [He knocks repeated! u.] — Pseu. [Coining to him.] Whoever you are, I wish you to make a diminution of your knocking, for I the spokesman and patron of the doors just now went forth out of doors. — Har. Are you Ballio ? — Pseu. Yea, ve- rily, I am his sub-deputy vice-Ballio ! — Har. What word is that? — Pseu. I am his yeoman-butler, and the procurer of his provisions. — Har. As if you were to say, that you are gentleman-usher of the hall? — Pseu. Why, I have command PSEUDOLUS. 155 over the gentleman-usher. — Har. In what way are you then? are you a slave, or free ? — Pseu. Now indeed I am a slave. — Har. So you seem ; and you don't seem worthy that you may be free. — -Pseu. [Shaking his fist at him.] You are not used to regard yourself, when you can speak injuriously to another. — Har. [Aside.] It is certain that this is a bad fellow. — Pseu. [Aside.] The gods preserve me, and love me. For there is my anvil. [Points at Harpax.] I will hammer out many deceits from this to-day. — Har. [Aside.] What is he saying apart with himself there? — Pseu. What do you say, young man? — Har. What is it? — Pseu. Are you, or are you not from the Macedonian officer? The servant of him, who bought from us hence the woman lately ? and who had given to my master the fifteen pounds of silver, and owes five? — Har. I am. But where in the world have you ever known me, or seen me, or spoke with me? For indeed I never came to Athens before this, nor have I ever seen you with my eyes before this day. — Pseu. Because you seem to be from thence. For when he departed formerly, this day was appointed for the money, on which he should bring it back to us, nor as yet has he brought it back. — Har. Yes, it is here ! [Holds up the purse.] Pseu. Have you, my friend, brought it ? — Har. I myself! — Pseu. Why do you doubt to give it me ? — Har. Must I give it you ? — Pseu. To me verily and truly, who take care of the property and accounts of my master Ballio, receive his money, lay it out, and give it to those that he is in debt to. — Har. If truly you bring out the treasures even of lofty Jupiter, I will never trust a farthing of money to you. — Pseu. While you are making a pother, the money will be lost. — Har. [Tightening the strings of his purse.] I shall have kept it fastened up thus rather. — Pseu. Woe to you, lad! You alone are found forsooth, who can doubt of my faith ! as if six hundred times as much were not used to be trusted to me ! — Har. It may be that others may think so, it may be also, that I cannot trust you. — Pseu. As if you may say, that I wish to chouse you out of the money. — Har. Yes truly, as you may say, and as if I also may say, that I must suspect it. But what is your name? — Pseu. [Aside.] There is a servant belonging to this pimp called Syrus ; I will say that I am he. [Turns to Harpax.] I am Syrus! — Har. Syrus?— Pseu. That is my 156 M. ACCM PLAUTI name. — Har. We are making many words about this ! If your master is at home, why do you not call him forth ? that I may transact that business, as to which I am sent hither, whatever your name is ! — Pseu. If he were within, I would call him out. But if you are willing to give the money to me, it will be more effectually paid, than if you shall have given it to himself. — Har. But now do you know what it is? My master sent me to give this money, and not to lose it. Now I know for certain that you have a raging fever as to this money, because it is impossible to lay your claws upon it. I will trust the money to no other man, unless to Ballio himself. — Pseu. But he is now busy. His. business is going on before a judge. — Har. May the gods prosper it! But when I shall think that he is at home, I shall have returned here. Do you take this letter from me, and give it him. For a token is there, between my master and yours concern- ing the woman. — Pseu. I know indeed, that he who should bring the money, and his stamped seal hither to us, my master said he was willing that the woman be sent along with him. For here he left us even a sample of that. — Har. You have the whole affair. — Pseu. Why should I not have it? — Har. Give therefore that token to him! — Pseu. It shall be. [Harpax gives him the letter with the token.] But what is your name ? — Har. Harpax ! — Pseu. {Shouldering him with a violent shove.'] Get away with yourself, Harpax! you don't please me ! you shall not, verily and truly, go inside here, lest you shall have done some harpy deed ! — Har. I am used to drag prisoners out of a battle, and from this is my name. — Pseu. By Apollo I think you would much more drag brazen vessels out of a house ! — Har. It is not so. But do you know what I may beg of you, Syrus? — Pseu. I shall know it, when you shall have told it. — Har. I am to turn down outside the gate hither into the third shop, to that bad, and lame, and fat old woman, Chrysis.- — Pseu. What do you want of me now? — Har. That you may call me from thence, when 3'our master shall have come. — Pseu. At your pleasure, certainly. — Har. For, as I came here tired from the road, I wish to indulge myself now. — Pseu. In truth you are wise, and vour plan pleases me. But take care that you be not out of the way, when I shall call you to me ! — Har. Why, when I shall have dined, I shall give myself iip to sleep. — PSEUDOLUS. 157 Pseu. In truth Hhink so. — Har. Now what do you wish? — Pseu. That you may go away, in order to sleep. — Har. I am going away. [He walks to the side.] — Pseu. And do you hear, Harpagus ? Order yourself to be well covered up ! You will be pleasant, if you shall have sweated well ! [Exit Hakpax at the side scene, yawning and stretching with fatigue.] SCENA TERTIA. Manet Pseudolus. Pseu. [Looking after Harp ax.] Immortal gods ! That man has preserved me by his coming here ! By his supply for my scheming journey, he has brought me, from blundering on, into the very right way. For opportunity itself could not arrive more opportunely, than this letter has been brought to me opportunely. For this is brought as a cornucopia, where is contained whatever I wish! [He looks at the letter in his hand.] Here are my deceits, here are all my tricks, here are my frauds, here my money, here is a mistress for my loving master's son ! [Fourteen lines omitted here, as tedious soliloquy.] O immortal gods ! That great lie of mine, which I suddenly contrived here just now, when I said I belonged to the Pimp, was not dear, when valued against pure gold. Now with this letter I will deceive three men, my master, and the Pimp, and the man who gave me this letter. Well done ! Like for like ! [He looks towards the side scene.] But now another thing has happened, which I was desirous of. Calidorus is com- ing ! Behold him ! He brings along with him some one, I know not who ! [He retires near the back scene.] SCENA QUARTA. Enter from the side scene Calidorus and his friend Charinus. Cal. I have spoke out before you all things sweet and bitter. You know of my love, you know my difficulty, you know my poverty. — Cha. I remember all things completely. Do you only make me know what you wish me to do ! — Cal. Since 1 have told you these other things, if you are to know the rest, I wish you should know concerning the token also. 158 M. ACCII PLAUTI — Cha. All things, I say, I have known ; now only make me know, what you want me to do ! — Cal. Pseudolus has or- dered me thus ; that I should conduct to him some man, friendly, active-minded, and benevolent, — Cha. You ob- serve the command well certainly, for you conduct one who is friendly, and wishing well to you. [Shakes him by the hand.] But that Pseudolus is strange to me. — Cal. He is a very clever man ! He is my engineer. He said to me, that he would effect those things which I mentioned to you. — Pseu, [Behind.] I will address this man saucily ! — Cal. [Look- ing about.] Whose voice sounds here? — Pseu. Hillo ! Hillo ! I address you, you, you, my prince ! You, who dost com- mand Pseudolus, I seek ! To whom I may give three times, and threefold, triple, and three joys, in three ways, with three schemes, and joys thrice deserved; got by fraud from three machinations; by wickedness, by deceit, and cheating; I have brought them to you in this very small sealed packet! — Cal. [To Charinus.] That is the man f — Cha. How the rascal blusters, like a tragedian ! — Cal. Advance a step op- posite to him ! [Charinus and Pseudolus approach each other.] — Pseu. Stretch out your arm now boldly to wish me health ! — Cha. Tell me, Pseudolus, whether I may salute you by the name of Hope, or Safety? — Pseu. In truth each of them. — Cha. Hail to you each way ! [Shakes hands with Pseu- dolus.] But what is done? — Pseu. What are you now afraid of? — Cal. I have brought this man here, Pseudolus. — Pseu. What? Have you brought him on your shoulders? — Cal. I have conducted him, I meant to say. — Pseu. Who is he? — Cal. Charinus ! — Pseu. Well done. I make him a lucky omen ! — Cha. But you are to command me boldly, as to whatever there is need to do. — Pseu. Now I acknowledge the favour. May it be well with you, Charinus ! I am un- willing that we should be troublesome to you. — Cha. You troublesome to me? That saying is indeed troublesome to me ! — Pseu. Then on that account do you wait there now a mo- ment ! — Cha. What is that meaning? — Pseu. [Taking out the letter from his pocket.] I intercepted just now this letter, and the token.— Cha. The token? What token 1-Pseu. Which was brought here from the officer just now, by his servant, who was bringing it with five pounds of money, [to Cali- dorus] and who was compelling your mistress away from PSEUDOLUS. ]59 hence. Just now I swindled him ! — Cal. How 1—Pseu. The story is acted [looks at the audience] for the sake of these spectators. They who were present here know it. I shall have told it you hereafter. — Cal. What now are we to do ? — Pseu. You shall have your mistress free this day ! — Cal. Shall I?— Pseu. You yourself.— Cal. I myself 1—Pseu. You yourself, I say. If indeed this head of mine shall live; if you will only find a man for me speedily. — Cal. Of what sort? — Pseu. Bad, crafty, and clever; one, who when he may have begun, may hold fast moreover by his own courage, what it may behove him to do. A man also, who not often may have been made use of here. — Cha. If he is a slave, does it signify any thing ? — Pseu. Truly I have much rather that he be so, than a freeman.— Cha. I think that I can give you a man, bad and clever ; who came lately from his father Ca- rystus. Nor has he gone out from the house any where, nor came to Athens ever before yesterday. — Pseu. You assist me well. But there is need of five pounds of money found and borrowed, which I will give back this day, for his father [points at Cali do rus] owes me one pound of it. — Cha. I will give it you. Do not seek it any where else. — Pseu. Oh ! how opportune a man to me ! There is also need of a long cloak and sword, and a broad-brimmed hat ! — Cha. I can give them from myself! — Pseu. O immortal gods! Charinus indeed is not here to me, but absolute plenty ! But that ser- vant who came here from Carystus, is he any way wise ? — Cha. Even from his cradle ! — Pseu. It becomes the man to have a tunic with long sleeves ! [Five lines omitted.'] But what shall I say the name be to that servant? — Cha. Simia! — Pseu. Does he know how to conduct himself in an adverse affair? — Cha. A spinning top does not turn equally quick ! — Pseu. Is he at all crafty? — Cha. Very often in bad deeds. — Pseu. How is he, when he is openly caught in lies ? — Cha. He is an eel. He slips out instantly ! But what are you about to do ? — Pseu. I will tell you— when I shall have dressed up the man, I intend him to become the fictitious servant of the of- ficer ; and that he may carry this token to the Pimp, with five pounds of money. That then he may lead away the wo- man from the Pimp. There's for you! There's all the story! But in what manner he must do every thing, I shall have told to the man himself. — Cal. Why therefore do we now stand 160 M. ACCII PLAUTI here ? — Psen. Bring ye the man to me, ready dressed with all his ornaments, immediately now to iEschinus the banker's. But hasten ! — Cha. We will be there sooner than you ! — Pseu. But depart ye therefore very quickly! [Exeunt Calidorus and Charinus into Simo's house.] Manet Pseudolus. Whatever doubtful or ambiguous was in my mind before, is now quite clear. It has no lees in it. My heart now goes on its way. I will lead under my standards all my ranks, and all my legions, with a favourable omen, and with a clear auspice, and according to my own opinion. I have a confidence now, that I can overthrow my enemies. I will now go to the Forum, and will load Simia with my instruc- tions, what he must do, and that he may not stagger, and may carry on this cheatery skilfully. Now I shall have caused, that the fortified town belonging to the Pimp, shall be totally sacked, and devastated ! [Exit Pseudolus at the back scene.] ACTUS TERTIUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter from Ballio's house a Boy, servant to Ballio. Boy. Verily to that boy ,whose servitude the gods give to a Pimp, and when they add a base occupation to the same, they give a great calamity, as far I now see within my heart, and many miseries. Just so has this servitude turned out to me, where I am set over all small and great cala- mitous affairs. Nor can I find that person who can love me, so as to treat me in a proper manner. Now to-day is this Pimp's birth-day, and he has threatened us all from the lowest to the greatest, if any one should not have sent to him a gift to-day, that he should perish to-morrow under the greatest torture. Now I know not truly what I shall do in my affairs, nor am I able to give, what they who are able are used to give. Now unless some one will afford to wretched me this day a gift for the Pimp, to-morrow I must swallow PSEUDOLUS. 161 fuller's earth. Alas ! of how little consideration am I now to that affair, and yet truly how badly 1 fear him in my wretchedness ! If any one can give me something, that my hand may become more weighty, though they say that that is always done reluctantly, I think to be able to compress the jaws of the Pimp in some degree. [He looks towards the back scene.] But now my voice and oration must be stopped, for behold him, my master is taking himself home, and brings a cook here with him. SCENA SECUNDA. Enter B allio from the back scene, followed by a Cook with baskets of provisions, from the market. Ball. They who call it a market of cooks, call it in that foolishly, for it is not a market of cooks, but a market of thieves ! For if I, being sworn to it, should seek a worse man, I could not possibly bring any cook a worse fellow, than this I bring, chattering, bragging, impertinent, and use- less. Now hell certainly refused to take this man to itself, that there might be a man here, who can cook a supper for the dead ! For this man can cook only what can please them. — Cook. If you thought of me in that way as you de- clare, why did you hire me ? — Ball. From scarcity. There was no other. But why did you sit in the market, if you were a cook, the only one after others ? — Cook. I will tell you. By the covetousness of men, I am made a more wicked cook, than I should be of my own disposition. — Ball. By what reasoning is that? — Cook. I will tell you now. Because in truth when first they come to hire a cook, no one seeks him who is best and dearest. They rather hire- him who is cheapest. From this I have been to-day the only frequenter of the market. Those wretched men, the other cooks, would have gone for drachmas as their hire ; no one whatever can force me to rise from my seat, at a less price than a piece of coined money. I do not dress a supper so as other cooks do, who bring up actual meadows of grass dressed upon their dishes ; who make the guests as oxen, and give them herbs in plenty, They dress these herbs moreover along with other herbs. [Eight lines omitted.] From this circum- 162 M. ACCII PLAUTI stance indeed men pass here in the world so short a life, when they heap up herbs of this sort on their stomach, for- midable not only in the eating, but even to be spoke of. Men eat those herbs, which cattle do not eat. — Ball. What do you say ? Do you, who can blame these dressings of dishes, use sauces divine, that can prolong life to men ? — Cook. [Aside.'] Speak thou boldly now ! [To the Pimp.'] Truly they who shall eat my victuals, that I shall have dressed, shall be able to live even two hundred years ! [Six lines omitted.] — Ball. May all the gods destroy you with your cookings of dishes, and with all those lies of yours ! — Cook. Suffer me to speak ! — Ball. Speak, and may you go to perdition ! — Cook. When all the dishes are hot, I open them all, and that savour they have, flies to heaven with feet down- wards ! Jupiter sups on that savour every day. — Ball. A savour with feet downwards ? — Cook. I have been wrong without knowing it. — Ball. What is it then ? — Cook. Be- cause in truth I meant to say with hands downwards. — Ball. If you go nowhere to cook, what does Jupiter sup upon ? — Cook. He goes to bed without his supper. — Ball. Go thou to de- struction ! For that cause shall I give you a piece of coined money this day? — Cook. I do confess indeed, that I am a cook most dear in price. But for that price I cause, that my clever doing may appear, as to what I came hired for. — Ball. In truth it is to thieve ! — Cook. Do you require to find any cook, unless with the claws of a kite, or an eagle ? — Ball. Do you require to go any where to cook, that you must not cook supper there with your hands tied up ? [He speaks to the boy.] Now therefore you who are mine, I com- mand you instantly that you may hasten to remove away all my goods here ! And then, that you may have this fellow's eyes before your eyes ; wherever he shall look, do you look there also ; if he shall go any where here, do you go on along with him. If he shall put forth his hand, do you put forth your hand also. If he shall take any thing that's his own, suffer him to take it. If he shall take what's mine, hold it fast against him. If he shall go, go thou also. If he shall stand, stand near him also. If he shall stoop, stoop thou likewise. [Nine lines omitted.] Stop now, cook ! At how great a price may you teach me that one thing, how to cook a supper ? — Cook. For what reason ? — Ball. That I may PSEUDOLUS. 163 keep you now, that you may not plunder any thing from me. — Cook. If you believe me, as to what I say, for a piece of coin I w T ill teach you. If not, I will not for a pound indeed ! But whether are you about to give a dinner to-day to your friends, or to your enemies ? — Ball. In truth I am to give it to my friends surely. — Cook. But do you now invite your enemies to-day, I desire you, rather than your friends ! For I will give a supper to-day so well drest, and will sauce it so with sweetness, that every one who shall have tasted what is drest, I shall cause him to gnaw his very ringers. — Ball. I beg of you verily, before you shall give any thing to the guests, taste it yourself first, and give it also to your scul- lions, that ye may all gnaw off your thievish hands. — Cook. Perhaps now you may not believe these things which I am saying. — Ball. Do not be troublesome ! Already you din me too much. You do not please me. [He points at his door.~\ Harkye ! I dwell there ! Go away in-doors hither, and cook the supper as fast as you can ! — Cook. But you are to go now, and lie down to it, and give me the guests all ready ! For even now the supper is almost spoiled with waiting for you all ! [Exeunt the Cook and the Boy into Ballio's house with the baskets of provisions.] — Ball. [Looking after them.] Aha ! See that young shoot ! This also is a bad chap, he is the cook's deputy tongue-licker ! Truly I know not, what I may now first guard against ; there are so many thieves in my house. There is a robber too in the nearest house to mine. [Points at Simo's house.] For now this neighbour, the father of Calidorus, asked of me with great earnestness a little before at the Forum, that I should take care of myself from his servant Pseudolus, and that I should not have any trust in him. For that he would circumvent me on this very day, that he might get the woman from me, if he were able. He told me that that man had promised stoutly to him, that he was about to carry away Phaenicium from me by tricks. Now I will go away in-doors, and give a command to my domestics, truly that no one may trust any thing to that Pseudolus ! [Exit Ballio into his house.]* * Plautus seems to have expended his genius on the two first excellent Acts, and to have made the third Act a very trifling one. However, it is probable he intended this third Act as a mere interlude, to fill up the time, while Pseudolus is dressing up his sycophant cheat, and getting ready his tricks and devices. Although this Act appears most insignificant, no doubt it gave great entertainment to an old 164 M. ACCII PLAUTI ACTUS QUARTUS. SCENA PRIMA. Enter Pseu dolus at the back scene, and advances. Pseu. If ever the immortal gods wished any one to be as- sisted by their aid, they surely desire me and Calidorus to be preserved, and the Pimp destroyed, when they pro- duced to me you, Master Simia, as an assistant, so clever and crafty a man ! [Turns round as if talking zvith him.] But where is that man? [Looks on every side.] Am I, a foolish fellow, speaking these things alone, I myself by myself? He bamboozled me certainly, I think, when bad myself, I guarded myself so sillily against bad men ! I have perished then in truth if that man has gone off, nor shall I this day effect this work, which I wanted to do. [Enter Simia at the back scene, property dressed for the occasion, and stalking along stiff", proud, and erect.] But behold him ! I see a statue hard- ened and hammered ! How grandly he carries himself! What ho ! In truth I was looking about for you. [Simia stalks slowly up to him.] I feared very much, lest you might have gone away. — Simi. There was business of my own, which I resolved that I would do. I own that. — Pseu. Where had you remained ? — Simi. Where it pleased me ! — Pseu. I know that pretty well now. — Simi. Why do you ask me therefore, what you know ? — Pseu. But I want to advise you as to this matter. — Simi. One that is to be advised himself, must not advise me. — Pseu. At least I am very much despised by you. — Simi. Why may I not despise you? I who must be called a man of the army ? — Pseu. I want this to be done immediately, which has now been just be- gun. — Simi. Do you see me do any thing else, but it? — Pseu. Therefore walk nimbly. — Simi. Yes, but I wish to walk slowly. [He stalks along with head erect.] — Pseu. This Roman audience, from the introduction of a chattering, impudent, hireling, bragga- docio cook ; a character held by the people in great derision and contempt. The cooks, it appears, were a set of fellows, hired in the market-place to prepare particular suppers and entertainments, and were reputed to be great thieves, and bad characters. Such fellows are introduced on the stage by Plautus, who certainly knew the taste of his audience. They do not exactly suit the taste of a modern polite dramatic critic. PSEUDOLUS. 165 is that occasion wanted, while that fellow is asleep, and I wish you to try to approach the Pimp before that man. — Sirni. [Stopping short.} Why do you hurry? Softly now, softly! Fear thou not. May Jupiter have caused thus now, that he, whoever he is, that comes from the officer, may be present with me openly at the same place together ! Never in truth shall he be a better Harpax than I shall be. Have good courage then ! I will shew off that business hand- somely made out. With tricks and lies I will so frighten that military stranger, that he himself may deny, he is the person that he may really be, and that he may imagine me to be the man, that himself certainly is. — Pseu. How can that be? — Simi. You slay me when you ask me that ! — Pseu, O my clever fine fellow ! You, with your ever and also tricks, and moreover with your lies, you, I say, may Jupiter preserve to me ! — Simi. Yea, preserve to myself ! But see, does this dress become me well ? — Pseu. It is excellent. — Simi. It may be so. — Pseu. May the good gods give you, as much as ever you may wish for to yourself ! For if I may wish, that they may give as much as you are worthy of, my wish is less than nothing, for I never saw any man more abominable and ras- cally ! — Simi. Do you say that to me ? — Pseu. I do not say it to you. But the gifts that I promised you, I will give and make up, if you shall have wisely managed this affair. — Simi. Cannot you hold your tongue ? He who advises, makes the mindful man unmindful, as to what such atten- tive man remembers. I know all things. They are stored in my breast. My tricks are craftily meditated. — Pseu. He is an expert man you have to do with. — Simi. Neither is he, nor I. — Pseu. But take care, that you may not be unsteady ! — Simi. Cannot you hold your peace? — Pseu. So may the gods love me Simi. They will not do so, and you will now pour out absolute lies.— Pseu. How I do love you, Simia, on account of your villany ! and I fear you, and es- teem you a great man ! — Simi. I have learned to give that up to others. Now you cannot wheedle me ! — Rseu. How handsomely I will receive you this day, when you shall have effected this work! — Simi. [Laughing.] Ha ! ha! ha ! [Four lines omitted.'] But hasten to shew me where's the door of the Pimp's house ! — Pseu. [Points to Ballio's house.] This is it. The third here. — Simi. [Looking at the door.] Hist! 166 M. ACCII PLAUTI Be silent, the house is open ! — Pseu. I believe there is a curse upon the house. — Simi. Why now 1—Pseu. Because in truth it is vomiting out the Pimp. — Simi. [Looking at Ballio's door.'] Is that he ? — Pseu. It is he. — Simi. He is a bad commodity ! — Pseu. See that ! He does not go straight forward, but crossways, just as a crab is used to do. [They retire.'] SCENA SECUNDA. Enter Ballio from his house, sloping with vulgar gait to the front. Ball. I think this man less bad, than I did imagine a cook to be, for he has grappled as yet nothing even, beyond a glass and a jug. — Pseu. [Behind to Simi a.] Harkyejyou ! now is the opportunity and time. — Simi. I agree with you. — Pseu. Enter on the business craftily, and I will be here in ambush. [Simia gets to the back scene, and walks up the street from thence, speaking loud.]— Simi. I had the number care- fully. This is the sixth nearest alley from the gate, and into that alley he had ordered me to turn down. How many houses he may have mentioned, that I am not quite sure of. Ball. [Looking about at him.] What man is this with a cloak on, or whence is he, or whom does he inquire after ? The face of the man seems foreign and ignoble. — Simi. But be- hold the man, who will make the thing that I want to know more certain to me from this uncertainty. [He walks towards Ballio.] — Ball. He's approaching me straightway. Whence in the world shall I say that this fellow is from ? — Simi. [Coming up and staring in BALLio's^rtce.] Harkye ! you with a goat's beard ! who are standing there, answer me what I ask ! — Ball. Hillo ! you, do you not salute me first ? — Simi. [With surly voice.] I have no salute to bestow. — Ball. Odds-bobs you will get just so much from hence. — Pseu. [Behind.] This is good at the beginning.— Simi. [To Ballio.] Have you known any man in this narrow street, I ask you ? — Ball. I know myself. — Simi. Few men do that which you speak of, for in the Forum there is scarcely every tenth man who can have known himself. — Pseu. [Behind.] I am safe, for he is philosophizing now ! — Simi. [To Ballio.] I seek here a man that is a bad fellow, a law-breaker, impious, PSEUDOLUS. 167 perjured, and wicked. — Ball. [Aside.] He is surely seeking me, for those are my titles, if he can mention the name only. [To Simia.] What is that man's name ? — Simi. The Pimp Ballio \—Ball, [Aside.] I knew it. [To Simia.] Young man, I am the very man, that you seek. — Simi. [Staring at him.] Are you Ballio ? — Ball. Verily and truly, I am he. — Simi, [Taking him by the cloak.] How well clothed this house- breaker is ! — Ball. I believe if you saw me in the night, you would keep your hand off me Simi. My master desired me to present health to you much. Take this letter from me ! [Takes out the letter, and holds it out.] He ordered me to give you this ! — Ball. Who is that man, that ordered you ? — Pseu. [Behind.] I am lost ! Now my man's in the middle of the mud. He knows not the name. His business sticks fast now ! — Ball. Who do you affirm, sent this to me ? — Simi, Look at the seal ! You yourself mention his name to me, that I may know that you are Ballio himself. — Ball. [Reaching out his hand.] Give me the letter ! — Simi, [Giving the letter.] Take it there, and acknowledge the seal.— Ball. [Looking at the seal.] Oho! This is Polymachseroplacides, The actual, very man himself! I have known him. Aha! — Simi. Polymachseroplacides is his name. Now I know that I have given you the letter properly, after you spoke out the name of Polymachgeroplacides. — Bal. But what is he doing? — Simi. What a man truly brave, and a good warrior should. But hasten, I beg, to read over this letter; for the business is thus ; that you are both to receive the money at once, and to commit the woman to me. For it is necessary that I should be this day at Sicyo, or else to-morrow suffer death, my master is so very peremptory. — Ball, I have known it; you tell me of things well known. — Simi. Hasten therefore to read the letter through. — Ball. I am doing that, if you can only hold your tongue. [Reads.] " The soldier Polymachseroplacides sends this written letter to the Pimp, and his image stamped in a seal, which was agreed to for- merly between us two." — Simi, The token is in the letter. — ' Ball. I see it and acknowledge the seal. But in a letter is it customary to send no greeting written? — Simi. So is the discipline of the army, Ballio. But as you have begun, go on to know the subject, and what that letter may declare. — Ball. Listen only ! [Reads again.] "Harpax is my camp- 168 M. ACCIl PLAUTI servant, who comes to you." [Ballio Looks hard at him.] Are you that Harpax ? — Simi. I am he, and am Harpax him- self truly. — Ball. [Reading.'] "Receive the money from him, who carries that letter, and I wish the woman to be sent along with him. It is fit to send a written greeting to those worthy of it; if I were to think you worthy of it, I should have sent it to you." [He folds up the letter.]— Simi. What now? — Ball. Give me the money, and carry off the woman! — Simi. Which of us is delaying the matter? — Ball. But follow me therefore in-doors ! [Exeunt Ballio and Simia into Ballio's house.] SCENA TERTIA. Pseudolus advances from his hiding-place at the back scene. Pseu. A worse man, and more cunningly bad I have never truly seen, than is this Simia ! And I very much and badly fear, and am terrified at that man, lest he may be as bad to me, as he was towards him, and lest in this successful busi- ness he may turn his horns against me, if he may take occa- sion to shew how bad he can be. In fact indeed I do not wish that to be, for I am well-disposed towards him. And now I am in the greatest fear in a threefold way. First of all, I now fear his being my comrade, lest he may desert me, and pass over to the enemy. But I fear also, lest my master may return just now from the Forum, and our robbers may be taken, the prize being carried off from them. W^hile I fear these things, I fear also, lest that fellow Harpax may come hither, before this Harpax shall have gone off hence with the woman. [He looks at Ballio's door, and listens aiohile.] I am lost truly ! Too slowly they go out of doors ! My heart with pack and baggage is expecting, that if he cannot bring the woman out along with him, it must fly away into banish- ment from my breast. [The door of Ballio's house opens.] I am a conqueror ! [He claps his ha/ids for joy .] I have sub- dued my watchful guards ! [He retires to a little distance.] PSEUDOLUS. 169 SCENA QUARTA. Enter Simia from Ballio's house, leading in Ph^nicium, who is weeping. Sim. Weep not, Phsenicium, you know not how the matter may be. But not long hence I will cause you to know it. I am not carrying you to that long-toothed man, the Macedo- nian, who makes you now in tears. I am conducting you to that man, to whom to join yourself, you most desire. Not long hence I will cause that you shall embrace Calidorus. — Pseu. Why have you staid so long within, I beg ? How long has my heart been pummelled with beating against my breast! — Simi. You have found now an occasion, you rogue you, for examining me with hostile insidiousness ! You must know, we measure the way hence with military marchings. — Pseu. Now, truly, although you are a rascal, you admonish rightly ! March by the direct way of the grand triumph so- berly on ! [They march slowly towards the back scene, Simia leading the van, Ph^nicium in the centre, and Pseudolus closing the rear, and exeunt in due order.] SCENA QUINTA. Enter Ballio/tow his house smiling, and rubbing his hands in joy. Ball. [Laughi?ig.~\ Ha ! Ha ! Ha ! Now at last my mind is in safety, since that man has gone off from this, and car- ried off the woman. It were pleasant to me now that Pseu- dolus, the head of all wickedness, should come here, in order to take away the woman with his tricks. I know in truth full well, I would rather perjure myself with false words a thousand times than that that fellow should cheat me in derision. Now truly I will laugh at the man, if I shall have met him. But I do believe that he was put into prison ■ as was proper. Now I can wish as to Simo. that he may come in my way, that he may be mutually happy in my glad, ness. 170 M. ACCII PLAUTI SCENA SEXTA. Enter Si mo from his house. Sim. [Talking to himself.] I go out to see, what business my Ulysses may have transacted, or whether he may have in his possession the standard from Ballio's citadel. — Ball. [Coming up to him.] O fortunate man, give me thy fortunate hand, Simo ! [They shake hands together.'] — Sim. What is it now?— Ball. Why now Sim. What now?— Ball. There is nothing that you may fear. — Sim. What is it? hath the man come to you? — Ball. No ! — Sim. What therefore is there of good news? — Ball. The twenty pounds are sound and safe to you, which this day Pseudolus stipulated to get from you. — Sim. Would it were so in truth ! — Ball. Ask of me twenty pounds, if he to-day can have got that woman, or shall give her to your son this day, as he promised, ask that of me, I beseech you! I delight to promise it to you. That you may know the affair to be safe in every way, even possess the woman herself as a gift to you ! — Sim. There is no danger as far as I may know, in stipulating. As you have said, you will give then twenty pounds? — Ball. They shall be given. — Sim. This indeed is not badly done. But have you met the man? — Ball. Yes, both of them together. — Sim. What does he say? What does he tell ? I beg of you, what does he say to you ? — Ball. Theatrical stuff! Words which are used to be said to a pimp in comedies, he said that I was bad, and wicked, and perjured. — Sim. Now, by Apollo, he told no lie! — Ball. Therefore I was not angry. — Sim,. What is there, that you may not fear from him ? I wish to hear that. — Ball. Because he never will carry away the woman with him now, nor is he able. Do you remember, awhile ago, that I told you that she was sold to the Ma- cedonian officer? — Sim. I remember it. — Ball. Well ! his servant brought hither to me the money, and the token of a seal. — Sim. What then? — Ball. About which it had been agreed between me, and that officer. That man took away the woman with him a short time before this. — Sim. Do you say that in good truth ? — Ball. How can that be to me!— Sim. Take care now, lest he may be some one PSEUDOLUS. 171 playing tricks ! Ball. The letter, and the image on the seal make me sure. Why truly he led her from the city just now to Sicyo ! — Sim. Well done by Hercules ! Why do I delay to make Pseudolus be classed among the number of mill- stones? [He looks at the back sce?ie.] But who is this man coming with a long cloak? — Ball. Truly I do not know, but let us observe him, where he may be going, or what business he may be transacting here. [They retire a little to the side scene.] SCENA SEPTIMA. Enter Hart ax. from the back scene. Har. [Thirteen lines omitted as tedious.'] In truth that Svrus, to whom I gave the token, would let me stay yet, and for ever, in the public-house. I remained there, as he had ordered me. He said, that he would call me, when the Pimp should be at home. But since he does not come, nor calls me, I come hither of my own accord, that I may know what affair may be going on, lest that man may play tricks upon me. Nor is there any thing better, than that I may knock at this door, [points at the Pimp's] and call out hither some one that's within. I wish that the Pimp may take this money from me, and send the woman now along with me ! — Ball. [Calling from behind.] Harkye you ! — Sim. What do you want of him ? — Ball. This man belongs tome. — Sim. How then? — Ball. — Because he is my prize. He has money for me ! It pleases me now to snap at this fellow. — Sim. Are you now about to devour him ? — Ball. While he is new, while there is an opportunity, and while he is intent upon it, it becomes him to be devoured; for good men impoverish me, bad ones nourish me. Bad men increase my property ; industrious men are a loss to me ; wicked fellows are my gain. — Sim. A curse on you ! which the gods will give to you who are so wicked ! — Har. [In front.] But I am delaying now, that I don't knock at these doors, to know whether Ballio may be at home. [Five lines omitted.] Harkye '. Hillo ! [He knocks thundering at the door.] Where are ye all? — Ball. Hillo! young man, what's owed to you there ? [To Simo.] I shall go loaded with plunder from this chap ! To me he is good luck. — Har. [Knocking again violently.] Does 172 M. ACCII PLAUTI any one open this door ? — Ball. Hillo ! Cloak-fellow, what is owed to you there ? — Har. [Turning about and star- ing.] I seek the master of the house, the Pimp Ballio ! — Ball. Whoever you are, young man, make short work of your seeking ! — Har. Why now ? — Ball. Because he himself present sees you present before his face. [Ballio and Simo advance to him.'] — Har. [Staring at Simo.] Are you he ? — Sim. Why, mister cloak-man ; guard against a sad mishap, and stretch out your finger against him, [points to Ballio] for he is a Pimp ! — Ball. [Pointing to Simo.] This is a fine man! — Har. Are you talking with me now, eh ? — Ball. I do talk to you ; what do you wish to yourself? — Har. [Diving in his pockets, and grubbing out an old dirt y purse.] Take this money ! — Ball. Already I have stretched out my hand, if you may give it me. — Har. Take it ! [Gives him the purse.] Here are five pounds of money chosen and ready counted ! My master Polymachaeroplacides ordered me to bring this to you, which he did owe, and that you would send Phgenicium along with me ! — Ball. Your master? — Har. So I say. — Ball. The officer? — Har. Sol speak. — Ball. The Macedonian ? — Har. Yes, I say. — Ball. Has Polymacheeroplacides sent you to me ? — Har. You say the truth. — Ball. [Holding the purse.] That you should give me this money? — Har, If you are indeed the Pimp Ballio. — Ball. And that you should carry away the woman from me? — Har. Ay. — Ball. Has he said that it was Phaenicium? — Har. You remember right. — Ball. Wait there ! [He takes Simo on one side.] — Har. But hasten now in a hurry ! for I am in haste. You see that there is much yet to be done in the day. — Ball. I see. [Points to Simo.] I want to apply to this man also ! Wait only there ! I will return to you even now. [To Siyio aside.] What now shall be done, Simo? What are we to do ? I plainly understand this man, who has brought the money. — Sim. What now is it? — Ball. Do you not know what this affair may be ? — Sim. I am nearly with the most ignorant. — Ball. Verily that man, the rogue Pseudolus, how skilfully he has hatched a cheating trick ! He has given to this fellow so much money as the soldier owed, and dressed out this man, who should call for the woman. This Pseu- dolus of yours employed here this man, as if he were from the Macedonian officer. — Sim. Have you the money from the PSEUDOLUS. 173 man i — Ball. Do you ask about that which you see here ? {Opens his hand with the purse in it.] — Sim. Harkye ! Remem- ber therefore to give me of the plunder, half of that ! It is right that that should be between us. — Ball. What ! A curse ! Why the whole of it is yours!— Har. [Bawling loud.~\ How soon are you to attend to me ? — Ball. I am attending to you truly. [To Simo.] What now do you advise me, Simo ?— Sim. Let us make game of this speculating fellow ! — Ball. Very well ! until he himself shall have perceived, that he is made sport of. [To Harpax loudly."] Come hither you! [Harpax goes to them.'] What do you say? Now are you the servant of that man 1—Har. Most certainly. — Ball. For how much has he bought you? — Har. By victory in battle, at the price of his own strength. For 1 was a very great com- mander at home in my own country ! — Ball. Has he ever sacked the prison, your native place ? — Har. If you shall affront me, you shall hear of it ! — Ball. In how many days have you come from Sicyo hither ? — Har. By the next day at noon. — Ball. You came diligently, faith ! How speedy this man is ! [Four lines omitted.] When the soldier used to go by night to the watch-guard, did you go with him there? Did the sword of the soldier fit your scabbard ? — Har. [Look- ing savage at him.] Go you, and be hanged ! — Ball. It must how- ever be for you to go there at a proper time to-day. — Har. But now, do you send out the woman to me, or give me back the money! — Ball. Wait! — Har. Why may I wait? — Ball. Tell me about that long cloak, how much it was hired for? — Har. [Surlily.] What is it? — Ball. What does your long sword gain for you? — Har. [Staring.] There is need of hel- lebore for these men! — Ball. [Taking him by the cloak] Hillo! ho! — Har. [Struggling off.] Let me go! — Ball. What price would your flapped hat take away this day from your mas- ter ? — Har. How, from my master ? What are you dreaming about? I have all these things indeed of my own, [takes off his hat, and looks at it] bought with my own money ! — Ball. Is it the money that your trowsers have ? Answer I beg, this thing truly and seriously that I ask you ! What do you earn now ? At what small price has Pseudolus hired you ? — Har. Who is that Pseudolus ? — Ball. Your tutor, who taught you this deceit, that you might take away the woman from me by cheatings. — Har. What Pseudolus do you talk of to me, 2 A 174 M. ACCII PLAUTI and what cheatings? Which man I have not known of any colour. — Ball. You are not getting out of that now ! There is no profit for a cheat here to-day ! Then you, take a mes- sage to Pseudolus ; that another has carried off the prize, who came here, the prior Harpax. — Har. I am verily and in- deed that Harpax ! — Ball. Yes, you want indeed to be so ! [To Simo.] This is an arrant cheat. — Har. I gave you mo- ney, and awhile ago coming here, a token at once to your servant, and a letter sealed with the image impressed of my master, here before the door ! — Ball. Have you given a let- ter to my servant? What servant? — Har. Syrus. — Ball. There is no depending on this. This man is a wicked cheat ! He is badly versed in all the minutiae of it. Why the true Harpax himself brought that letter hither to me \—Har. I am called Harpax ! servant of the Macedonian officer. 1 neither do any thing cheatingly, nor malignantly, nor have I known that Pseu- dolus, what man he may be, nor do I know him. — Sim. [To Ballio.] Unless it is a wonder, Pimp, you have evidently lost the woman ! — Ball. I fear that truly more and more, when I hear his words. — Si?n. In fact also for a while past that Sy- rus freezes my heart, who received this token ! Wonders are here ! He is certainly Pseudolus. [To Harpax.] Harkye you ! Of what appearance was he awhile ago, to whom you gave the token ? — Har. A certain red-haired man, with thick legs, swarthy, with a large head, sharp eyes, red face, and very large feet! — Sim. You have destroyed us, after you mentioned the feet. It was Pseudolus himself. — Ball. [Strik- ing his forehead.] It is all over with me ! I now die, Simo. — Har. Odds-bobs I will not suffer you to die, unless the mo- ney is given back to me, the whole twenty pounds. — Sim. And also to me twenty other pounds. — Ball. [To Simo.] Will that sum be taken away from me, which I promised only in a joke? At least give Pseudolus to me ! — Sim. Shall I give up Pseudolus to you ? What has he done wrong ? Have I not told you a hundred times, that you should take care of yourself from him? — Ball. He has destroyed me ! — Sim. But he has bilked me out of twenty good pounds ! — Ball. What shall I do now? — Har. If you shall have given me the money, go and hang yourself! — Ball. May the gods destroy you! Fol- low me therefore this way to the Forum, that I may pay you. — Har. I follow you. — Ball. To-day 1 shall be rid of stran- PSEUDOLUS. 175 gers. To-morrow I will have to do with citizens. [Five lines omitted.] It is certain, that I am making this day, the day of death to me, instead of my birth-day ! [Exeunt Ballio and Harpax