PR 6021 .fl3 T6 L908 ^opy 1 5?i Towards the Light Towards the Light A Mystic Poem By Princess Karadja New York Dodd^ Mead and Company lgo8 Copyright, igo8 By Doddy Mead and Company LIBRARY of CONGRESS Two Copies Received NOV 9 t90B Copyriitnt Entry_ CLASS Ou KXC. No, ^ COPY 3? J The Ufii'versity Press, Cambridge, U.S.A. Note 1 HIS poem which is now brought to the knowledge of the British and American public was originally written in Swedish. It was published in that language a few years ago and met with extraordinary suc- cess. Six large editions were rapidly sold out. German, Dutch, and Danish versions soon appeared. French, Italian, and Rus- sian are to follow. I have myself undertaken the English translation, but am indebted to several friends for many a valuable hint. It is no easy task to handle poetry in a foreign tongue. I claim the indulgence of my readers for this first attempt at English blank verse. PRINCESS KARADJA BoviGNY Castle GouvY, Belgium Prefc ace 1 he; poem that I now publish v/as composed under strange circum- stances. On midsum^mer night, 1899, ^ was alone in the chapel at Bovigny Castle, praying on the tomb of my husband and eldest son, when 1 suddenly heard a voice whisper : " Fetch pen and paper." I obeyed. My hand drew auto- matically a sun, and wrote the words " Mot Ljuset " ( '' Towards the Light") without help of my personal will. When I took the pen in my hand, I had no idea about what 1 was going to write, but nevertheless I [ vii ] Preface wrote fluently hundreds of verses. I must have become entranced. ... It seemed to me that the temperature fell quickly. ... I felt chilled, although the summer heat was oppressive. My soul was detached, all my senses were sharpened and acquired an extraor- dinary lucidity. I was so distinctly conscious of the spirit voices that it was almost as if I had written under dictation. Everybody who reads this poem might probably believe it to be the result of long religious meditation, but such is not the case. The soul whose evolution is narrated was an utter stranger to me. Most of the thoughts contained in this poem were not mine five minutes before I wrote them down. [ viii ] Preface WHERE DID THEY COME FROM? No satisfactory answer can be given to that question. Telepathy is the only possible explanation of such phe- nomena. Telepathy — transmission of thought — must take place in some way similar to wireless telegraphy. Vibrations of thought flash through the ether as well as electric waves. This now little-known psychic force will probably be mastered in the future. Living men will then, with- out difficulty, be able to communicate with their disembodied friends. Fifty years ago the idea that two people might exchange thoughts at a distance of a hundred miles, by telephone, would have been considered prepos- terous. For miy part I am absolutely convinced that free intercourse be- [ ix ] Preface tween liberated spirits and incarnated souls is simply a question of time. In every period of history each nev/ idea has to fight its way. Most people consider everything that they have not personally experienced to be more or less incredible. I shall therefore not be in the least surprised if my statement concerning the origin of this poem is doubted, contradicted, or ridiculed ; but I have decided to endure with resignation the annoy- ances to which I may consequently expose myself. Nobody who is not willing to en- dure personal inconvenience for the sake of truth is worthy to bear witness of eternal verities. [-] Towards the Light 'Towards the Light V>IH ! Watcher in the silent hours of night, Art thou prepared to greet thy noiseless guests. The messengers from distant spirit worlds ? On rapid wings they now are speeding hither. They float around thee; canst thou not perceive them ? Soon shall thy spirit's eye discern their forms. [ 13 ] Towards the Light Hark, child of earth ! A chime of silver bells Descends to thee from starry worlds above, While gentle fragrances enchant thy sense. The darkness dies. ... A radiant light appears. Behold the ambient flame en- circling thee, That flame of living light — it is my soul ! My voice now whispers gently in thine ear : I too was once a mortal such as thou. . [14 ] Towards the Light I am not dead, although my dust has lain Deep in the silent tomb for many years. I am not dead ! My spirit still is living. Serene and strong, robed in im- mortal garb. I will ' to thee my earthly life unfold. Then shalt thou comprehend thy future fate. For I shall show thee all the path I trod From earthly darkness to the spheres of light. [ 15 ] Towards the Light Thou art a tool, chosen by Higher Powers, To tell the world what thou shalt here behold. The gift of words is thine ; thou shalt express My mighty thought, which dominates thy mind. Unknown to thee I hither led thy steps; Thy destiny I welded link by link. My hand, oh woman ! chiselled out thy soul : Resist thy Guide no more ! Sub- mit in peace ! [ i6 ] Towards the Light No blessed crop can grow on untilled ground ; Deep furrows have been driven in thy heart. And now at last I sow : mine hour has come ! May God in mercy overshadow us! I lift thy soul up to the source of Light; Help others as I now am helping thee. Write down the message that I bring to-night With humble thanks because thy hand was chosen! " Who art thou ?" — dost thou ask. — I am a sinner, [ ^7 ] Towards the Light Who through repentance has atoned his crimes. My name on earth is utterly forgotten ; My race is swept away from off its face. I was a man who once had rich possessions ; Alas ! A sorry use I made of all. . . . No gentle memories of loving deeds Survived me in the dismal hour of death. Yet once I did possess a thousand treasures — [ i8 ] Towards the Light Rank, beauty, health and riches — all were mine. Men envied me as fortune's petted child. I deemed myself created to enjoy, And carefully fulfilled that pleasant mission. No broken sob could reach my deadened ear. Nor raise an echo in my empty heart, Where on a throne of ice my spirit dwelt. Adoring as supreme Divinity, As centre of the world, as Lord and God [ 19 ] Towards the Light The only being whom I loved — Myself! But years rolled on . . . ever the well-known round ! Earth had no pleasure left for me to taste. I was so weary that life's pageant palled, And duller, greyer, grew the lengthening days. My selfish soul was filled with blank despair. I grew to hate the joys that could not still My craving after something I had missed, [ 20 ] Towards the Light A precious something I had failed to win. What might it be, I knew not — only this : Without it Hfe was wasted, drear and void. At last when I had emptied to the dregs Life's pleasure-cup, I longed for dreamless sleep. The chill embrace of death would cool my brain. . . . Rest! Rest! Eternal rest — oh, priceless boon ! I had no terror of the starless night, [ 21 ] Towards the Light And scorned the thought of coming Judgment Day. Annihilation seemed to me elysian, For I was weary — weary unto death. But in farewell I first would summon round me All that in former days had charmed me most : Wine, women, music, light and fragrant flowers — Andsosurrounded I would breathe my last. It was a merry night and I the gayest, [ 22 ] Towards the Light Because Life's dreary farce so soon would end. 'T was my last pride to smilingly approach, Without a trace of fear, my yawn- ing tomb. The flickering lights burned low; the flowers drooped; The hour grew late; my noisy friends had gone. One guest remained — I was alone with Death Whom I had dared to summon to my feast. [ 23 ] Towards the Light A flash — a shot — then deepest silence reigned. One thrill of anguish quivered through my frame — Then all was still ! A sense of dreary numbness Crept slowly, surely over all my limbs. Around me deepest night . . . Yea . . . ebon darkness. If death had come why did it fail to bring The blessed sleep for which I yearned so long ? When would oblivion sweep away the past? [ 24 ] Towards the Light Why this delay ? At last a dawn- ing fear Shook me that something would begin — but what? I waited thus with panic-stricken soul. . . . Death I had courted to escape my thoughts ; I had destroyed myself; I must be dead ! I felt my body growing stiff and cold; The heart had ceased to beat, the pulse stood still. I was a corpse — mere matter — nothing more, [ 25 ] Towards the Light A thing which surely was bereft of sense — Yet — after death — how could my body think ? I was aghast, for now at last I knew That I had failed to murder all in me, One part was left — fiiy thought was still alive ! No mortal words can ever paint the terror That seized me when I grasped that awful fact. My senses seemed to whirl in stormy chaos — ' [ 26 ] Towards the Light What would my future be ? When should I know ? The night was dark ; nowhere a ray of light . . . And I must wait . . . For what ? I dared not guess. Was it eternity — was it an hour That I endured this torture of suspense ? I cannot tell ! It seemed a thou- sand years, To be alive against my will ! What doom For me, who hoped the grave to be the end ! [ 27 ] Towards the Light Could there be truth, then, in the Devil's creed Of an avenging God, who, merci- less, Condemns all sinners to eternal hell? If so, I meant to bravely meet my Judge, And to receive erect the cruel sentence. I courage felt to calmly all en- dure — If but the torture of suspense might end. Still time went on. ... In vain I claimed my doom. [28 ] Towards the Light No Judge appeared ! A cry of keen distress Broke forth at last, deep from my frenzied heart ; I clamoured wildly : ** Oh, have mercy, Lord ! " A voice at once replied from out the gloom : **What is thy wMsh ? What favour dost thou claim From God, whom thou hast all thy life denied?" I murmured humbly : " Lord, a ray of Light ! '* [29 ] Towards the Light At once a flash of Radiance fell on me. And I beheld myself! Oh, bitter shame! Most ghastly is that moment for the man Who lived in utter darkness here on earth. Pray for the blind, that they may not despair When after death at last their opened eye Shrinks from the sight which they are forced to see, A human heart in hideous naked- ness ! [30 ] Towards the Light The angels of the Lord behold it trembling. And turn away at once their shuddering glance. In abject shame the soul attempts to hide, And, full of anguish, begs for solitude. God grants that grace. The soul is left alone — Alone with all the shadows of the past. I saw my earthly life glide past in vision ... Scene after scene, forgotten long ago. . [31 ] Towards the Light How blind — insanely blind, had I not been ! The sight of all my crimes con- founded me. They crushed my spirit with their leaden weight. . . . At last I whispered : " Punish me, oh Lord ! " The voice replied : " God claims no penalty. Sin punishes itself. Each evil seed Allowed to grow in wanton liberty Must bear its bitter crop of pain and woe. [ 32 ] Towards the Light The angels of the Lord no anger feel At human crime ; they see its fruit and mourn. Unhappy spirit, thou hast asked thy sentence ! Learn, then, that long ago thy fate was sealed. * There where thy treasure is, thy heart will be.' Thus spake the Christ. These words contain thy doom. Each man has something which he dearest holds — His God, — a fellow-creature, or himself. On earth he is at liberty to choose [33 ] Towards the Light A treasure to be kept eter- nally. The soul can after death no more abandon What during life it found most fit to love. What was thy treasure ? Hapless fool — behold it!'' A flood of light streamed down and I perceived A lifeless body stretched upon the floor Amidst a pool of blood. It was my corpse. ** Behold thv treasure ! Thou canst claim no other. [ 34 ] Towards the Light Thou art compelled to keep thy cherished God. Thou mad'st an idol of a lump of clay, — No more to leave it is thy awful doom." " No, no ! " I shrieked, *' I will not thus be fettered ! Ah ! Loose me from the body I destroyed ! I love no more this thing. I hate to see it. Oh, set me free ! In mercy break my chains ! " " Hark ! Thou hast entered spirit life unbidden ; [ 35 ] Towards the Light No room with us was yet pre- pared for thee. The threshold of Eternity no man May cross before his final hour has struck. The plans of God no mortal ever altered : He is the Master over Life and Death. There is a lesson all on earth must learn And none may slip away, the task undone ; Nor lightly fling the human garb aside, Until the soul is fit to leave its dwelling. [36 ] Towards the Light Woe to the man who scorns the gift of life, Who, greatly daring Heaven, would extinguish The spark Divine, which burns within his soul ! The deed is vain, he only makes more sure The fate he has created by his acts. The sacred tie, uniting soul and body. Is only severed at the Lord*s Command. The will of thy Creator links thy spirit Still for a time to this poor clay. . . . Submit ! [37 ] Towards the Light Learn to abide in patience — captive soul — The day when liberty shall dawn for thee." ** So hope remains ? My punish- ment will end ? I am not chained for all eternity?" I cried aloud, all thrilled with gratitude. The angel answered : " Every pain will end. One sin alone can never be for- given, The sin of pride that does not wish for grace, [38 ] Towards the Light For then the spirit dooms itself to darkness. God's arms are ever open. Every soul That struggles bravely upwards finds the Light. Though far the Goal — yet it is reached at last ! " I murmured low: "Most merci- ful thou art. Oh, glorious angel, let me know thy name.'' " Canst thou not guess it ? Often I approached Thy stony heart and strove to gain admittance, [ 39 ] Towards the Light But was repelled as soon as I drew near. I am the mournful angel men call Grief! . The Lord of Mercy sends me down to earth To show the way, which leads men up to Him. I sow in sinful hearts contrition's seed, . Then buds humility from burn- ing shame. The yearning soul strives hard to leave the mire; Though weak and trembling still it bravely seeks [ 40 ] Towards the Light To climb the thorny path to which I point. Then hasten to his aid the Radiant Host, Who, in the name of Christ, work deeds of love. Their gentle hands cannot remove all pain, But they give strength to bear the heavy cross. They fill the weary soul with hope and courage. And whisper promises of coming bliss. The pilgrim soon is taught to fix his gaze [41 ] Towards the Light Above the darkness of this present world. Up to the distant home where all is peace. For thee there still remains thy crown to earn Of Faith and Hope and Charity entwined. These thou must tend and nourish in thy heart, But first the arduous task of * Patience' learn ! " How desolate and cold the grave- yard seemed ! My only home in dismal winter- nights [4^] Towards the Light If I had better used the gift of hfe Preparing me a nest in faithful hearts, My frozen soul might now have been their guest, And found relief and warmth at friendly hearths. Alas ! On earth was none of human kind Whose grief attracted with mag- netic power My wretched soul, by all alive forgotten. I was alone in solitary gloom. The one companion left — my* lifeless frame. [ 43 ] Towards the Light Despairingly I searched a thou- sand graves In hope to find another living soul Chained to the empty forms that mouldered here Beneath the snov^. . . . Alas ! It was in vain ! Each soul had left the worn-out shell of dust In former days the object of its pride. Each one had gladly flown. I — I alone Was still a captive in this place of dread, Indissolubly fettered to my corpse. [ 44 ] Towards the Light No thing on earth e'er filled me with such loathing ! My ghastly treasure ! . . . With intense disgust Day after day I watched its slow decay. Sometimes the broken eyes would seem to weep As though, attempting to express my grief, They fain would bring me the relief of tears. . . . One night I wandered round the dreary grounds And reached the gate. Then in the dismal darkness [ 45 ] Towards the Light _ I heard a broken sob, a feeble wailing. Who could it be? Who broke the ghastly silence? A living being ? If so — why- came he here ? It was a child, a small deserted child. Left here to perish in the winter snow. I felt compassion for the tiny waif Who softly sobbed himself to sleep forever. And anger 'gainst the mother who could leave [ 46 ] Towards the Light Her child alone to meet a frozen death. What punishment too great for such a sin ? What could atone for such a cruel deed ? In righteous wrath I cried : " Accurst be she Who has abandoned this defence- less child ! " Like clap of thunder rang the answer forth : ** Man, who art thou, who darest thus call down The holy wrath of God upon thy sister ? [47 ] Towards the Light The sinner thou hast recklessly condemned Thou shalt behold ! Repent thy malediction ! Leave to thy God, the Strong Avenger's hands The care of vindicating martyr's blood!" Beside me stood an angel. Sad and stern I found his look, which seemed to pierce my soul. He grasped the hand I tremblingly outstretched, Then, swift as thought, he swept away with me. [ 48 ] Towards the Light He took me to the city where I Uved In former days. We reached a den of vice. Where during life I was a con- stant guest. At his command I entered it again. ... How weird, how strange appeared the house of sin ! Aghast, I saw among the shame- less crowd Unnoticed guestsfrom silent spirit- worlds Stand dark and threatening close behind the living. [49] Towards the Light I saw how evil souls with deadly hate Urge fallen men to ever darker deeds ; I saw God's angels struggling hard to save The sparks of virtue, not extin- guished yet. This noisy palace was a battlefield, Where little recked the mortals that their fate Hung on the silent fight 'twixt light and darkness. But many gloomy spirits, too, I marked. Who did not fight, but wandered round the place [ 50] Towards the Light In dismal watchfulness and dumb despair. These were the souls, who once had thriven there. Mortals, who spend their lives in wanton revels, Mourn bitterly, when solemn death appears. And sternly summons them to leave this world. They strive against their lot. . . . They fain would linger Still on this earth, whose vilest pleasures Emprison after death their hapless souls. [ 51 ] Towards the Light They have no strength to rend the loathsome fetters. That vice has forged. Earth's joys they still remember. . . . Alas, poor slaves ! They love and miss them yet. Their evil lusts remain and torture them Since they no longer canbesatisfied. Thus they remain until desire is dead. Compelled to watch the sins of living men. At length they loathe the very sight of vice. Then slowly they forget their low delights: [ 52] Towards the Light Unclean remembrances are swept away. ... The soul begins to long for purer air And lifts its weary glance from dismal earth. Till lo ! It sees a ray of distant heaven And stretches unaccustomed arms in prayer. . . . The heavy chains slip off: the soul is free ! Magnetic force attracts it up to God. When no regrets enchain the soul to earth [ 53 ] Towards the Light Then it is lifted up by ardent longing To radiant spheres, that it can- not approach Until it learns that Death means — Liberty. I noticed then a spirit standing by, With wistful gaze intently bent on me. How well I knew the form. . . . It was my mother ! I flew to greet her with a cry of joy, But she drew back avoiding my embrace. [ 54] Towards the Light On earth my mother's arms were never closed Against the son she tenderly adored. Now — mournfully she pointed to the crowd Surrounding us. . . . With burn- ing shame I cried : '' Oh, Mother ! Mother ! Have I brought you here?" She bowed her head in silent, tearless sorrow. . . . Then brokenly she whispered : '*Oh, my son! You were my idol — dearer than my God, [ 55 ] Towards the Light Who granted me the gift of motherhood. Enthralled by trammels of an earthly love, No soul can rise. The tie must first be broken — The clay we worship from its altar flung. When death approached, I yearned to stay with you. I had my wish ! I was no longer free. My love had grown a chain at- taching me Close to your side. Invisible I stood [ 56 ] Towards the Light And read within your heart your guilty thoughts. — - I followed you with horror to this place. . . . My son ! My son ! You were my pride and joy, But now my head is bent in shame for you. You added grievous burden to my cross By dragging me with you to degradation." I stood amazed and overcome with grief: '' Oh ! Mother ! Dearest mother — pardon me ! [ 57] Towards the Light I did not know. . . , Oh ! had I only guessed That your pure eyes could see my darkest deeds, My evil angel should not have prevailed. Nay, I had fought him then with might and main. No man on earth can surely he so fallen. That he would plunge in vice, if but he knew His mother's eyes could follow him, . . . Each one Would shudder at the thought that the departed, [ 58 ] Towards the Light Dear to his heart, was thus com- pelled to be A silent witness to his hidden sins ! Atrocious is my doom ! Yet — well deserved. . . . But you ! What crime is yours ? Your love for me ? Are mothers punished for their deep devotion ? Unjust is He, who such a verdict passed." The shade of holy wrath, which long had darkened My mother's tender features, van- ished now. [ 59] Towards the Light She gently smiled: " Do not so quickly judge The sacred laws, you fail to un- derstand. If keener pain is measured out to me Than I deserve - — I suffer not in vain ! It is for your dear sake ... I murmur not. One day, my grief shall be your gain, my child. When once you truly grasp the love of Christ, Who suffered meek a thousand pangs for us, [60 ] Towards the Light Then at the mem'ry of your mother's grief You will adore the mercy of the Lord." "You love me still — although you now have gazed Into the deep abyss, down which I fell?'' I cried, all trembling^with sur- prise and joy. Then in a whisper soft the answer came : " I love you still — but now with tender pity. My blind devotion helped to ruin you. [ 6i ] Towards the Light No mortal man is fit to be adored; I worship you no more ! My broken idol Has lost the power to enthral my heart. Woe unto me! ... I knew not, in my blindness, That women harm the men they long to serve By giving all and claiming noth- ing. Love Must be the recompense of noble strife ; A price to victory — then it is precious ! The love a man deserves — he values high ; [62 ] Towards the Light The love unearned, despises wan- tonly. Once I was weak — the slave of my own heart ; Now I am strong : the ruler of my love. It has no more the power to hold me down ; Strength from above is granted it — to raise!'' *' Oh, mother dear ! Do not abandon me ! I am unworthy of your love'' — I cried. " But do not leave me, hopeless and alone ! [ 63 ] Towards the Light You have your liberty : I still am chained. . . . Remain with me, though you at last are free ! '' She answered gently : *' Such a sacrifice Would bring no benefit to you, my son. My mother-heart would gladly share your woe If, by the sharing, I might rend your bonds. Alas ! Each spirit has to fight alone The strenuous battle with the lower self. [ 64 ] Towards the Light No other back than ours may bear our load ; No human aid can drag for us our cross. The only help I can bestow — is prayer. Allow no hopeless sorrows to consume you, Because I am compelled to leave your side. My yearning lifts me upward : you will follow When you have learned to meekly bear your fate. Be brave ! For every victory you gain [65 ] Towards the Light You will receive sweet comfort from above/' My mother vanished. I was left alone. . . . No friend in all this crowd ! I felt myself Abandoned, lost and utterly for- lorn, My heart was filled with bitter- ness intense. Then to the angel at my side I turned : ''Behold! Oh Lord! Even my mother shuns me. . . . Let me return unto my lonely grave ! [ 66 ] Towards the Light I will not linger in this noisy crowd : Abhorrent to me is the sight of sin, I sufferedless in my dark solitude." " Remember thy companion at thy grave/' The angel gently said. " Fulfil thy mission \ The child is still alive. Go — find its mother And crush her with thy righteous malediction ! Behold the woman in that corner crouching. . . . [67 ] Towards the Light Draw near! 'Tis she — go and observe her well." In silence I reluctantly obeyed. The pangs of grief had cooled my earlier wrath ; Revengeful thoughts within me long had died. What could I have to do with that poor creature Her shocking sin was no concern of mine. I could not clearly see the woman's face. For she had hidden it with both her hands, [68] Towards the Light And 'gainst the table rested wearily. Exhausted, desperate, she seemed to be A wounded animal that yearns to die. . . . She could not laugh, as others of her trade, Nor weep, . . . The fountain of her tears had dried. I watched the hapless creature till my heart Grew soft to her. The angel whispered low: ** This is the woman, thou hast dared to curse! [69 ] Towards the Light Remembrance of her child now tortures her. ... Behold her grief! What pang hast thou to add To crush more utterly that broken heart ? Why art thou silent ? Dost thou fear to judge The fallen sister, who before thee stands ? God's justice she shall not con- front alone : There is a man whose sin is greater still. That babe a father had ! It was his duty [ 70 ] Towards the Light To give protection unto child and mother. He cast them both aside ! This coward deed For vengeance cries to heaven, though on earth Such acts are not condemned by human laws. God made man strong that he might help the weak Whom now he ruins, careless of remorse. Behold this woman here, so deeply sunken ! There was a time when she was sweet and pure ; [ 71 ] Towards the Light Her only treasure — her chaste innocence — She, thoughtless, gave away with lavish hands. The man she loved and trusted took the gift And in return gave lifelong shame and grief. He needed not her love. . . . An idle hour It gratified a passing whim -^- no more ! Cold scorn and mockery assailed her steps Wherever with her nameless child she went. [ 72 ] Towards the Light Each door was closed. . . . This one alone was open ; So in despair the little one she left. Who for this crime should justly bear the blame?" Impulsively I cried: "The heart- less father ! Pie murdered both the mother and the child. So base a scoundrel is not fit to live ! '' The angel murmured : " Look at her once more And beg thy God to be a lenient Judge ! " [ 73] Toibards the Light I looked — and looked again — with wonder filled. . . . And suddenly it seemed to me I knew her. . . . Her bended form familiar was to me. I sought 'mid half forgotten memories : / I must have known her — surely, ah ! But where ? She raised her face : I saw the pallid features. . . . Oh God ! 'twas she — the happy, playful child, Whose rosy lips — alas — had tempted me. [ 74 ] Towards the Light I recognised the spot beneath the curls. Where I had kissed her last with languid lips. I sank together with a shuddering cry. The angel sternly said : " Thou art the man ! The helpless infant, flung away to perish. Whom thou hast deigned to pity — is thy son. The tiny victim waits. . . . Come, watch him die ! '' Once more I stood beside the lonely spot, [ 75 ] Towards the Light Where — on his bed of snow — the boy was resting. He was aUve as yet, although the breathing Could scarcely be perceived, so faint it was. I bent despairing o'er the pros- trate form And cried aloud in bitter help- lessness : ** Oh, could I purchase with a thousand pangs One hour of life — that life I once disdained, How quickly I would fly to summon help. [ 76 ] Towards the Light My hapless child, thou wouldst not perish thus ! " My sigh no echo raised. ... It died unheard. The howling gale alone gave me response By heaping higher drifts of glitt'ring snow All round that fragile wreck of human life. The child would perish if no help arrived. . . . No hope was possible — yet still I hoped ! It could not — should not be . . . I must prevent [ 11 ] Towards the Light My crime from reaping such a bitter harvest. Alas! I had no power- to help. I felt My utter nothingness. My very soul Rose up to God in ardent suppli- cation. In that dark hoiir of anguish faith was born — Faith in the mighty Lord, whose hand can snatch Away from death its victims. I attempted To lift my being on the wings of prayer, [ 78 J Towards the Light Humbly imploring God to spare my child. I then perceived a multitude of angels ; Their silver voices chanted — ** Pray as we : Thy will be done in heaven and on earth, Oh God of love, forever and for- ever !'' I sank again down from the dazzling worlds To which my ardent thought had tried to soar; Half blinded by the glories there perceived [ 79] Towards the Light I never dared to stammer forth my prayer. How dismal, cold and dark the earth appeared. Poor child ! Why had I wished to chain him there? No ! No ! I ought no longer to prevent His pure, white soul from taking instant flight Straight to the arms of Christ — the children's friend. A martyr's crown waits those who meekly suflfer For others' guilt. . . . My son had won that crown. [ 80] Towards the Light " Ah ! What is this P Whence comes this wondrous light Which now iUuminates the night with brilHance ? It emanates from me ! " I saw a flame, Which issued from my icy heart — 'twas love. That spark from heaven, kindled by my child, Wa3 fed with burning fuel of repentance. All thrilled with joy, I felt a stream of warmth. Of radiant light, all through my being glow. [8i ] Towards the Light At last I knew how sweet it is to love, And felt most grateful to have learned that lesson. The end drew near. ... A snow- white childish soul Emerged from out its broken fragile shell ; And I drew back, not daring to approach, Lest he in terror should recoil from me. And shun the father who had given him The wretched gift of life, — and nothing else. [ 82 ] Towards the Light The child was gazing out. . . . He felt alone There on the threshold of that unknown world To which he had been sum- moned. Would he still No father find, with sheltering arms outstretched ? On earth his greeting was a mother's tears. . . . Though innocent, he was the child of shame. He had been born. . . . That was his only crime ! Was not that crime by death atoned in full ? [ 83 ] Towards the Light Now that to spirit life he had returned, Was there no father who his duty knew ? He looked around and then per- ceived at last The flame, which from my soul leapt forth to meet him : " I missed thee, whom I never knew on earth ! " He whispered, nestling in my hungry arms — " Oh father, where thou stayest, let me stay ! " *'No! No! Around me all is cold and dreary. . . . [ 84] Towards the Light Poor child, I will not share with thee my woe. My crime against thee would still more oppress me •If I delayed thy luminous ascent. Look up ! Behold the thousand stars of heaven : Thy home is there ! Spread out thy snowy wings ! I love thee. Gladly will I now renounce The joy thy presence would have given me. Farewell, we soon shall meet. I follow thee. When in His mercy, God my pardon seals." [ 85 ] Towards the Light The child then cried : ** See, see thy chain is broken! Oh father! Thou art free! What blessed joy. . . . NoWj hand in hand to heaven we can rise We two — together — always. God is good!" What glorious bliss it was at last to fly Away from cloudy earth in liberty And to approach the sun, whose golden rays Surrounded us with roseate bril- liancy. Divinely fair is the eternal dawn, [ 86 ] Towards the Light Which greets the first ascension of the soul. Its wondrous splendour mirrors faintly forth The great Creator's own magnifi- cence. Praise, glory and thanksgiving unto God, Who made the sun — an emblem of Himself. The human eye cannot endure its radiance ; When spirits lift their glance to it they tremble And reverently bend in adoration Of that sun's origin, the Source of Life. [ 87 ] Towards the Light Man can by virtue of his thoughts create A tiny world of beauty for him- self. The thoughts of God gave birth to lustrous heavens ; The stars are a reflection of His glory. Life, Love and Light compose the Trinity. A myriad sparks proceeded from that source. Each spark must grow till it becomes a flame. Which through Eternity will not be quenched. [ 88 ] Towards the Light How is the soul to grow? Through sorrow only, For grief makes man grow greater than himself. Affliction winnows tares from out the wheat. . . . The wheat grows up. . . . It is the crop of God. Behold the drops of rain, which fall from heaven ; They mingle briefly with the dust of earth, Until the sun recalls them from the clay. And lifts each sparkling drop up to the skies. [89] Towards the Light So shall at last each wand'ring soul return Unto the Source of Life from which it flowed, There to enjoy communion with the Christ And merge in perfect unison with God. There is no Paradise of idle rest, Where blessed spirits dwell -in aimless joy. The highest goal to which we can aspire Is to resemble God. To reach that end We struggle upwards through a million years. [ 90 ] Towards the Light Eternal hope brings us eternal joy: We paradise create within our breast. When Sorrow comes to visit human hearts, That Angel's mission is to sweep the Temple Where God Himself elects in grace to dwell. We follow in the mighty steps of Grief With gentle tread and cool the burning wound; We kiss away the tear which hides the sky. [91 ] Towards the Light Another Angel comes. . . . His name is Peace. He finds in broken hearts a resting place. To ev'ry spot on earth where prayers rise We quickly fly and carry them to heaven. Descending swift with blessing from above. We watch in patience by the bed of pain And guide the falt'ring steps of infant souls ; We fill the poet's dreams with wondrous beauty, [ 9- ] Towards the Light And bid him hear a strain of angels' songs. His silent sobs we melt in harmony. . . . His highest thought is but a gift from us. Say ! Can there bea fairer paradise? Can mortals dream a joy exceed- ing ours ? Like Christ, we always sacrifice ourselves, Yet keep eternally more than we give. Now dawn is near. . . . Thy lamp is burning low ! [ 93 ] Towards the Light Thy weary head sinks down in lassitude. Thy task is done: Our spirit child created! Fruit of my thought — it has grown up in thee ; In pain brought forth, but yet of love begotten. The seed he bears within is Life Eternal, That seed will germinate in bleeding hearts And ripen to a crop of richest blessing. BoviGNY Chapel, Belgium. Midsummernight, i8gg> [ 94 ] m\ 9 i^oB tp- LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 643 8416 #