Class :gS35n Book U 8>(=>"B>icture-hook,) Duchess. Miss Seersucker, Dick tells me there is a truly correct and English style of living among your "Four Hundred" — not that I know what they are — but how do the rest of the fifty million live? For instance, how do you dine enfamille? Pet. (coming forward). How do we dine ? Well ; I remember a dinner we gave Mr. Chetwyn last summer. First course, fried ham — Duchess. Very original. A¥as it served before or after soup ? TuLu. The Seersuckers never get in the soup, Duchess. Duchess. Never get in ! Why, who does ? TuLu. Blazonberrie is in it — Pet. Tulu ! More slang. Duchess. It means the reverse of in the swim — Tulu. It does not. It means — Pet. Tulu! [Very fast.) Next course, trout, olives, baked potatoes, jam, pickles, sardines, crackers, and fried coffee — at least, it was made in the frying-pan. Duchess. Pray how was this served ? TULU. 201 Pet. a la Russe, on tin pie-plates. Duchess. Did all these things go well to- gether ? Pet. Everything goes in the Adirondacks. Duchess. Ah, now I see. The Adiron- dacks are a suburb of New York City, are they not ? TuLU. What jolly geography ! Pet. Yes, Duchess. Duchess. And this was before your father — er — hit oil. TuLu. Hit oil ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! She means struck, Smithy. Duchess. I see no difference. Pet. Papa struck oil before I was born. Duchess ; hence my idiotic name. Petrole- um — Petrolia. See ? Duchess {condescendingly), I like your name exceedingly, Miss Seersucker ; it is so distinctive. Many daughters are named af- ter their fathers' professions in the States, are they not ? Pet. As there is not apt to be any daugh- ter before there is a profession, they are. Duchess. How interesting ! Give me a few specimens. 202 TULU. Pet. (winks to Tulu). Certainly. There's Julia Vanderbilt: father a carpenter named Vander, built ; Jennie Rockaf eller : mother a nurse, rocked many a feller ; Jemima Hod- son : father carried a hod ; Mary — er — well, so on ; not to mention Gloviana, Sopiana, Drygoodsia, and Drugolia. Tulu (aside). Can't she just reel them off ! Duchess. It is like the Norse formation of names. Peculiarly suited to a people without rank, traditions, or ancestors. Pet. We were not incubated ! (Hises,) Duchess (soothingly). No, no ; but I un- derstand grandfathers are best ignored in the States, and every one starts on the basis that the child is father of the man. Pet. Indeed we don't. We are mighty proud of the men who made our blooming young republic, and wouldn't swap one of them for any number of your gone-to-seed aristocracy. Duchess. Gone to seed ! (Rises.) Pet. (walking about). Yes. Your great families were built up by men of the people, men with brains, and are about to be extin- guished by a set of vapid fops — TULU. 203 Duchess. Atrocious ! TuLU {throwing hook on floor). Go it, Smithy ! Pet. Yes; your family trees boast only withered sprouts — bargain - counter dukes, shop -worn earls, and mildewed lords, who follow their titles into the American market like tin kettles tied to a dog's tail. Duchess {going to door). Perhaps you would do well to reserve your scorn until one of these same titles is offered you, Miss Seersucker. TuLu. Oh, rats ! She's refused six lords, one — Pet. Tulu! Duchess. I cannot listen ; I have recollected an important letter. Atrocious ! {Exit^ c.) Tulu {^running to door). And a baronet. So there ! Pet. {putting hand over her mouth), Tulu, please be quiet. Tulu. Well, you did. Pet. {laughing), Tulu, you never say such horrid things at home. Tulu. No more do you. You set me a very bad example. 204 TULU. Pet. I know it. But it is such fun to see the Duchess's eyes. TuLTJ. Isn't it? And it's so dull here. I say, Petrolia, are you going to marry Bla- zonberrie ? Pet. (sitting on tete-a-tete). What do you advise ? TuLu. I s'pose it would be fun to be Lady Blazonberrie now, and a duchess by-and-by, but Jack is nicer. Pet. I should think so ! TuLU. And Blazonberrie is as cross as a bear mornings. He swears at his valet. Mr. Dick is so much jollier he ought to be a lord. Pet. He is a nuisance, and I owe him one. TuLu. I think he is perfectly sweet. Pet. He is very selfish. Just think, Tulu, he has never let you take one picture. Just as though you were a baby. Tulu. Yes, and I know I could do it as well as he does. Pet. You could not well do it worse. [Draws her to her,) Wouldn't it be fun to take one on the sly, dear ? Tulu. Dear! What do you want? TULU. 205 Pet. Only a little revenge. He made me appear a perfect fool, you know. TuLU. Well, Tm in it. Pet. That's a dear child. (^Hugs her,) You know the camera is all ready for a flash- light picture. TuLU. Yep. Pet. Very good. After coffee is served, and we have all gone to the music-room, you wait behind. Turn out the light. Hide be- hind the curtain with the bulb in your hand. I will send Mr. Chetwyn back for my hand- kerchief. The instant he is in the door, give a horrible groan and squeeze the bulb. You can't miss him, and of course he will have his mouth open. TuLu. ril groan so. (Groans,) Wouldn't that make your flesh just creep ? Pet. Yes, indeed. And to - morrow you can have Saunders flnish it quietly, and then show it to everybody. TuLU. Mr. Dick will be just hopping. (Miter Jack, c.) Jack. Run away, Tulu, like a good child. TuLu. I'm not a child ; Fm fifteen, and I 206 TULU. don't want to hear your old secret. ( Walks very slowly to door,) 'Tisn't much of a se- cret. You're going to make love to Petrolia, like all the rest. (Uxit, l.) Pet. What is the matter, Jack ? Jack. You. Pet. What have I did ? Jack. Do be serious, Petrolia, I want to speak to you. Pet. Well, you seem to be talking. Jack. You know what I mean. Pet. That is what Blazonberrie constantly says. Jack. Confound him ! Pet. Was it of this you wished to speak ? Jack. No. (Walks about.) Petrolia, it is, of course, not my affair, but I wish you would leave these insolent people, who regard you as a speculation and a curiosity. I am continually irritated by the Duchess's tone of patronage. Pet. Are you ? I enjoy our battles im- mensely, and her patronage does not injure me. Jack. I think it does, Petrolia. I think that when a beautiful, accomplished, fascinat- TULU. 207 ing girl like you puts herself in the position of being " sent on approval," as it were, she is injured. Pet. But it is the other way. Blazonberrie is " on approval." And of course. Jack, no true American could reject a title. Jack. You could. Pet. I am not sure. (Blses,) If papa buys me Blazonberrie, think how I can stamp on the women who have hesitated to receive ^^Old Bob's" daughter. (Crosses to r.) Jack (following). What have these women to do with your real happiness, Petrolia ? Pet. Not much. Oh, Jack ! sometimes I wish papa had never made his fortune. {They walk slowly to c, stand in front of tete-a-tete.) Jack. I often wish that. Pet. Do you remember the larks we had at Cobbsville? The dances in the school- house, and the everlasting pink gingham gown I wore ? Jack. You never wear anything half so sweet now. One is afraid to touch you for fear of rumpling some folds or biases. Pet. I recollect one who was afraid to touch mc then, Master Jack. Do you remem- 208 TULU. ber the night you kissed me behind the door, and I walked home on the fence, with jon following in the moonlight, and wouldn't speak to you? {They sit on tete-a-tete.) Jack. Yes ; and I remember calling with a basket of apples and an apology the next morning, and you forgave me. Pet. Yes ; and taught you to waltz out in the barn. [Laughs.) Oh, Jack! shall you ever forget the quarrel we had because I said Tommy Hicks had a handsome nose ? Jack. No ; nor how I flattened his hand- some nose. Dear old days ! [Sighs.) Pet. Dear, dear old days ! (Sighs.) What a pity that " youth's sweet-scented manuscript must close," as Khayam says. Jack. Why need it ? Petrolia, you have just said your happiest days were those in which you had no money. And they were. Money brings cares, social obligations, heart- burnings in its train. It cannot buy happi- ness, or love such as I offer you. My love has never swerved since we were children playing together. I — Pet. Well, Jack? Jack (taking her hand). Petrolia, would TULU. 209 you — oh, were it not for your money I would tell you of the fond dreams 1 have had of a little home, where you should reign supreme. Were it not for that miserable fortune, I vfould offer you the devotion of a lifetime. But, pshaw ! [Rises, walks about.) I am poor, always shall be. Authorship brings no golden reward — and I am absurd with mj talk of love. Love is for the rich nowa- days. Pet. I am sorry, because then I never shall have any. Jack. You ! Why, your fortune is my stumbling-block. Pet. Yes, now. But, you see, Jack, papa said — he said, you know — he said — Jack (^rushing to her). Yes, Petrolia — he said — Pet. He said if I was such — a — a darned fool as to prefer you to an English lord, I might marry you and live on love, for he'd never give me a cent. Jack. And would you give it up for me ? Pet. I— Dick (outside), Tulu ! Jack. Chetwyn. 14 210 TULU, (Dick enters, c.) Pet. Yes. G-et rid of the tiresome boy, and I'll come back in ten minutes. [Exit, l.) Dick {coming forward), Hope I do not in- terrupt, Ryder. Jack. I thought you were in the billiard- room. Dick {seating himself on desk), I was, but I am detachable and peripatetic. Jack. Ah ! very good, very good. Urn — er — just excuse me a moment. {Aside,) I must find Petrolia. {Exit, l.) Dick {imitating). Very good — um — er — just excuse me a moment. Now I w^onder if ever I will be so tangled up over any girl. And to think they are dead spoons on each other, and I never knew it ! " Get rid of that tiresome boy," says she, "and I'll be back in a moment." Werry well ; you shall finish your proposal quite comfortable for all me. {Jumps down from desk.) Jupiter! what a jolly row Aunt Hildegarde will kick up when she finds it out ! I wish I could have her in at the finish and take her picture. {Laughs,) It's too good to be lost, and part TULU. 211 of it shall be a picture — not necessarily for publication, but to pay Miss Petrolia for call- ing me a tiresome boy. (^Moves camera so a takes in tete-a-tete.) ■ There ! Of course they will sit on the tete-a-tete ; that's what they are made for — proposals. Ought to be called pop-cushions. (JLays hulh in front of seat.) There you are, convenient to Ryder's foot. When he starts up, crying, *•' Darling, I love you I" he steps on my little friend, and a charming picture is caught just as she tumbles into his arms — so. [Falls on seat.) I hope Ryder will have the decency to keep on his own side. I fancy it will be all right, for she'll jump or wiggle — they all do — and skip back, with a coy shriek — so — and off goes the picture. If I were only a boy again I'd hide behind the curtain ; as I cannot, I must trust to luck. Now for the light. [Turns doivn lamp. Stage dark.) Jove ! where's the door? Ow ! there I go again! Well, bones are cheap. Ah, here I am. (JExit, c.) (Enter Tulu, l.) TuLU (feeling her ivaT/). Whatever is the matter? Oh, I s'pose this is more of the 212 TULU. Duchess's economy. Oh no ; Mr. Diet is going to take a picture. Well, he sha'n't spoil my joke on him. I'll hide on the sofa, and interfere somehow. My ! Gracious ! Oh 1 Ah ! I guess I broke my ankle that time. [Hobbles to sofa.) I never was so bored. I never did see such a poky old house. I believe Mr. Dick is coming. [^Enter Blazonberrie, c.) Blaz. What the dickens — Anybody here ? TuLU. Only me. Blaz. Who is ^'me?'' Ah, Miss Seer- sucker ! I should know your charming voice anywhere. TuLu. Should you really ? [Aside.) He takes me for Petrolia. What a lark ! Blaz. Why is it dark? TuLu. My head aches fearfully, so I turned the lights down, and am trying to compose myself. Blaz. I'm no end sorry. May I talk to you ? Where are you ? TuLU. On the sofa. Don't break your shins over the chairs. Blaz. [tumbling over chair). Da — ahem ! TULU. 213 aliem ! May I sit by you, Miss Seer- sucker ^ TuLU {laughing), I guess so. Blaz. Your voice sounds so like Tulu's in the dark. TuLU [giggling). That's queer. Blaz. Shall I turn up the light just a bit? TuLU. No, no ! My head is awful ! {Groans.) Blaz. Jove ! It's too bad. Perhaps I bore you. TuLu. You could never bore me, Lord Blazonberrie. Blaz. Do you mean that ? You're such a one for chaff, a fellow never knows. TuLu. Oh, I meant that. Blaz. Miss Seersucker — Petrol ia ! The — cr — darkness gives me courage to say — what I have tried to ever since you came — only you have bluffed me off. TuLu. No, I didn't. Blaz. But you seemed to. And a fellow loaded with debts and so forth, has not got much to offer. TuLu. I have enough for two. {Gig- gles,) 214 TULU. Blaz. If you are making game of me, I am silent. TuLU. I am hysterical, that's all. Blaz. Well, then, to cut it short, will you be my wife ? TuLu. I don't exactly know. The Duch- ess is a corker for a mother-in-law. Blaz. She will retire to her dower house. TuLu. That's so. It certainly would be slick to be Lady Blazonberrie. Blaz. Be v/hat ? TuLU. Slick. Smooth^ you know. Still, I hardly know what to say. Blaz. Are you engaged to Ryder ? TuLu. That's what gets me. I don't know. Blaz. Don't know ! TuLu. No. {Rushes off^ l.) Blaz. I say! Look here, you know. (Turns up light,) Gone! Now, is this American coquetry or unadulterated idiocy? Don't know whether she's eno^ao'ed or not! I will be obliged if she will find out, for my affairs are coming to a crisis. Smash is the word unless money comes from somewhere. {Walks up and down). Going to smash for TULU. 215 twenty thousand pounds, and over six times that amount over there (points to sofa), tied up by that beastly entail. The entail busi- ness is played out. What's this ? (Picks up amulet.) Ryder's fetish. Let him hunt for it if he wants it. (^Throws amulet down.) And he, with his priggish airs, stands be- tween me and two hundred thousand pounds sterling and a wife who thinks it would be slick — no, smooth — to be Lady Blazonberrie. Good Gad! what an ornament to the peer- age ! However, she's a well-gilded pill, and I never heard her out before in such howling bad form as she was to-night. (Enter Petrolia, c. e.) Pet. Jack ! Pardon me. Lord Blazonber- rie ; I thought my cousin was here. Have you seen him ? Blaz. No ; he has not been here since you left. I have waited, and am waiting, for my answer. How could you run away ? Pet, How could I run away ? (Comes for- ward.) Blaz. Yes, and leave me in such — such — er — harrowing uncertainty ? 216 TULU, Pet. I? Blaz. If it were not you, who was it? Pet. (bewidlered). If it were not I, who was it? Blaz. (impatiently). That is what I said. Pet. Ah, it is an English joke. Blaz. More in the American style, I fancy. First, you say it will be slick — smooth — to be Lady Blazonberrie ; secondly, that you do not know whether you are engaged to Ryder or not. How do you explain that ? Pet. When did I say all this ? Blaz. Not five minutes ago ; and, I say, how do you explain it ? Pet. I don't. I can't. I am all in the dark. Blaz. Well, you are a very different young lady in the dark, I assure you. I wish I had not turned up the light. Pet. Oh, I see ! All this happened in the dark. Blaz. I should think you might recollect that. Pet. (aside). This is Tulu's mischief! (Aloud.) You are making a vastly serious matter of this. TULU. 217 Blaz. It is serious. I must know if you are engaged to Eyder, Pet. I deny your right to question me. Blaz. I have a right to know if I am being misled. Pet. I am not misleading you. Blaz. {sitting by her). Then you love me ! You will be my wife ! Pet. Do you love me, Lord Blazonberrie ? (Jack appears in door^ c.) Blaz. I am not a sentimental fellow, but I think you are no end jolly, and I want you to be my wife. (Jack makes gesture of despair^ disappears,) Pet. Exactly. And were there no ques- tion of settlements, I am the ideal wife you would select to do the honors of your house ? Blaz. Well— I— ^ . Pet. {rising). You answer yourself. You regard me as a creature quite outside the pale of civilization, a vulgar Philistine, bad form in every sense of the word, and only to be tolerated for the money I bring. Pardon 218 TULU, me if I speak too frankly, but I do not think you offer me a fair equivalent. Blaz. Yet you seemed to like the prospect of being a duchess. (^Rises, walks about.) Pet. I own 1 was dazzled. There was a time when it seemed quite a splendid posi- tion, but now I realize it is a paltry affair. Blaz. I see. Kyder steps betw^een us. Pet. He has nothing to do with the case. Blaz. I heard nothing of this virtuous contempt for rank until he appeared. Well, I accept my defeat. He is a nice enough fellow, but I doubt if he is quite the hero you imagine him. Pet. He is at least incapable of the mean- ness of — of — Blaz. Marrying for money ? Don't balk at the word. So am I. I couldn't marry you without it, but, believe me. Miss Seer- sucker, were you less fascinating than you are, even your fortune would not tempt me. Pet. Oh, Lord Blazonberrie, I hope you do not really care for me, Blaz. Care ! Pet, Say no more. Let us forget this wretched scene. I do not love you, but I TULU. 219 feel more real friendship for you than I could ever have fancied possible. [Gives him her hand.) Blaz. (kissing her hand). Friendship is cold comfort, but I accept it. And I shall never give you up — never ! Pet. Oh, I must not stay. Think no more of me. Lord Blazonberrie, I beg of you. (Exit, L.) Blaz. {coming down f.). That was a neat recover, I think. AVhy the dickens did I balk so over telling her I loved her, in the first place ? I fancy it was that scene in the dark. With that fresh in my mind I really could not tell her she was an ideal duchess. However, I patched it up neatly. She is full of sympathy for my love-lorn state, and that's a distinct move. Now, could I but overturn her little hero from his pedestal, she is mine. How to do it — that's the question. [Enter Robinson, c.) Rob. [handing him letter). A letter, my lord. Boy from the Bhie Cow, waiting for a hanser. Blaz. (tearing letter open). Rosenthal's 220 TULU. writing ! (EeadSj crumples letter,) Confound -it! KoB. {aside), A dun. Blaz. {ivrites note at desk, turns to Rob.). Here, give this to the boy. What are you staring at ? Rob. Nothing, my lord. Blaz. You lie. You were staririo^ at me. Rob. Yes, my lord. Blaz. Leave the room. Rob. Yes, my lord. (Aside.) Hit was a dun. (Uxit, c.) Blaz. {coming doion f., reading letter). " Let me call your lordship's attention to the fact that your lordship's bill for twenty thousand pounds comes due to-morrow, and must be taken up. Have spoken to my principal as you desired, and he says he can't possibly renew even for one month. Shall remain at the inn until ten o'clock to-morrow, when, if I neither see nor hear from your lordship, will be obliged to come up to the castle. Trust- ing your lordship will see the necessity of giving this your immediate attention, I re- main, your lordship's humble servant, A. Ro- senthal. At the Blue Cow. December TULU. 221 20th." [Crushes letter in his hand,) Damn his smooth impudence ! Come up here and make a scene, will he ? How the deuce can I raise twenty thousand pounds? Don't he know that there's not a Jew in London ready to advance me another sov. ? And the Duke is drained dry. By Jove, there never was such an unfortunate fellow as I ! The small- est bet I can make on a horse breaks his wind or his leg ; while anything large brings battle, murder, and sudden death to horse and jockey both. Then this chit of a girl gets up on her ear just as I counted on her fortune to mend my own. Were I engaged to her, Eosenthal would wait. But how to manage it, how to manage it ? [Exit, l.) [Enter Jack, c.) Jack. Not here, of course. After the touching scene I interrupted, how could I ex- pect it ? And yet I did. I did. ( Comes forward, sits, c.) I should have known she could not refuse his title, but I loved her and believed in her. ^' Do you love me ?" she asked, and doubtless he swore he did. lie's just the style of fellow women admire, hand- 222 TULU. some, dull, and soft in Lis manner. Latent strength, they call it, when it's only repressed idiocy. Pshaw ! I w^on't think of it. She shall never know how deep a wound she has inflicted. I will leave to-morrow; that I am resolved on. [Enter Dick, l,) Dick {aside). He's here. I'll get the light out, and send her. {Aloud.) Are you asleep, Ryder ? Jack (turning). Ah, Chetwyn ! I was won- dering where everybody was. Dick {sitting l. f.). I say, what a jolly lot we are ! all straying about like Banshees, ex- cept my revered aunt, who has retired with a — pain in her temper. That's chronic with her. Maybe you have one yourself. Jack. No ; I was meditating. Dick. It seems to take a good deal out of you. ( Winks.) Cheer up. She will be here directly. Jack. The Duchess ? Dick. Not much. Your charming cousin. Miss Seersucker. She asked me where you were, and I said in here, so says she — er — TULU. 223 "Run ia and tell him I am coming," and I ran. Jack {stiffly). You are most obliging. Dick. Don't mention it. . {Aside,) Now for the light. {Aloud.) What ails the light ? {Fumbles ivith lamp,) It seems to — ugh ! ah ! — what a beast of a lamp ! Jack. It burns well enough. You're turn- ing it out. Dick. Not a bit of it. {Turns it out. Stage darlc,) Jove ! what a fool of a lamp ! Jack. I knew you'd do it. I'll fetch a match. Dick. No, no ! Miss Petrolia will miss you. I'll fetch one. Where are you ? Jack. Sitting on the tete-a-tete. Dick. That's all right. I'll be back in an instant. {Exit^ c.) Jack. So she is coming to smooth me down again. For once she will find me in- flexible. {Pause.) Why don't that idiot of a boy come back ? {Pause.) Well, I am soft ! Master Dick is playing one of his charming jokes on me. I knew he was fool- ing about the lamp. I'll go to my room and pack. Where is the door ? Ah ! here. So 224 TULU. ends your joke, Master Dick. (Buns into Rob., entering c. e.) Bob. Beg parding. Jack. No matter. (Goes off^ c.) Rob. That was the Hamerican. Wothever was 'e a- doing hall halone hin the dark? {Lights lamp,) [Enter Petrolia and Tulu, l.) Pet. Robinson, where is the Duchess ? Rob. 'Er ladyship 'ave retired to 'er room. Miss Seersucker, hand begs you will hexcuse 'er for the rest of the hevening, has she is very much hindispoged. Pet. Is it anything serious, Robinson ? Rob. Nothing serious, miss. Tulu. She's boiling mad, Petrolia. Pet. Tulu! Rob. Do you require hanything, miss ? Pet. No. You may go. (Robinson goes off^ c.) Tulu. You'll make a jolly duchess, Petro- lia. You say "You may go" exactly like your mother-in-law. Pm glad she is ill; TULU. 225 maybe she won't get in such a jolly wax for nothing again. Pet. It is another bit of insolence. TuLU. Who cares ? Come on in the bill- iard-room ; Dick and Blazonberrie are there, and ril fetch Jack. Come on. Pet. Are you crazy, Tulu ? We can't stay down without our hostess and chaperon, and entertain a party of young men — -at least, not in England. Tulu. We can't go to bed at ten o'clock. Pet. We must go up to my sitting-room and read. Come, Tulu, and we will leave as soon as we can possibly find an excuse. Tulu. But my joke on Dick ! Oh, Smithy ! Pet. That will keep. Please come, Tulu. Tulu. Well, you go, and I will follow. Pet. (laughing). Sure 'nuff ? Tulu. Sure 'nuif. Skip, Smithy. Pet. Don't be long. [Exit, c.) Tulu. I sha'n't go until I have taken Mr. Dick's picture. He will have to pass through here to the smoking-room. (Arranges camera hg tea-table so it takes in c. e.) There ! that ought to get liini. (Picks up bulb.) Now 15 226 TULU. for the light. {^Turns out light. Stage dark,) ni get behind the table. [Pause,) My ! it's awful hot here, and I'm getting sleepy. I wish Mr. Dick would hurry. [Yawns,) I'm so — sleepy. [Pause,) (Blazonberrie enterSy c.) Blaz. All dark again. So much the bet- ter. Jove ! how my heart thumps ! I am only robbing myself. The jewels are mine — or will be — and the entail can go to the deuce. [Soft music until end of scene.) The Duchess never wears the thing, so it will not be missed ; or if it is — / do not know the combination, [Lights match, goes to desk,) What did I step on? [Stoops down.) Ry- der's amulet again. Stay there ! Should the worst come, you are circumstantial evidence. [Lights match, turns handle of safe.) P-e- t-r-o-l-i-a, and out you come. [Takes out Ra- nee'' s necklace, replaces jewel-box, closes safe by light of matches. Goes to o. e.) TuLU [whisjyering), Mr. Dick is here; now, then ! [Squeezes bulb. Flash shows Blaz. hj c. e., his hand raised, holding neck- lace.^ TULU. 227 Blaz. a light ! Some one coming ! [Rush- es off.) TuLU. I forgot to groan. [Goes to camera,) TABLEAU. Tuhv taking out 2>late. CURTAIN. {^T he flash can he imitated hy quickly uncover- ing white light in l. e., 50 it strikes full on Blazonberrie.) ACT III. Same scene; moiming ; music. Curtain rises on Blazonberrie and Petrolia, Jack and TuLU, da.ncing gavotte ^ or fancy dance; Dick sitting on table, l., playing on comb. They dance one measure, then music grows fainter, so they talk while dancing, Dick. You will be belles of the ball, special ly Talu, who dances like a pantomime fairy. TuLU. Yes, I can dance. Jack, I wish you would not look so dismal. 228 TULu. Jack, rm as jolly as a sand-boy. Here we go — forward, back, and round again. Blaz. Miss Seersucker, may we not know what character you take in the masquerade to-night ? Pet. That is a secret between the Duchess and I. Dick. I bet I know. TuLU. I bet you don't. Why, even I don't. Jack. You might tell me, Petrolia ; I shall not be here to-night. Pet. Not be here ? [Stops dancing,) TuLU. Not be here ? After rehearsing the dance, and getting your costume ! Oh, Jack ! Dick. It will spoil the whole thing. Blaz. Is not this rather sudden, Mr. Ry- der ? Jack. You do not object, I suppose, Lord Blazonberrie ? Blaz. Not at all. Pet. How mysterious! (Goes to fire with Blaz.) Dick [going to Jack). I say, old fellow, you must not desert us. TuLu ( taking his hand ). Please stay, Jack. TULU. 229 (Duchess enters^ c.) Jack. I must go, Tulu, Duty calls me. TuLU. Then I think you are perfectly hate- ful. But I don't care! IVe got something to attend to — something important. Don't you wish you knew, Master Dick ? Dick. I suppose you are going to wash your new puppy. Tulu. A puppy is in it. ( Laughs, ) You'll know in about ten minutes. [Runs off, L.) Duchess {advancing). Did I hear you say you were going to leave us, Mr. Ryder ? Jack. I regret to say I must. Duchess. Duchess. Must ? Dick. There's thunder in the air. (Cross- es to R.) Jack. Yes — business in London, some work overdue — in short, I must take the 11.10 mail up. Duchess. But your departure breaks up the party to the masquerade. I do not un- derstand why you must do that. The mail is not here, no telegrams have arrived. It must be a mere caprice. 230 TULU. Jack. Call it so if you please, Duchess, but I cannot remain. Duchess. Very good. {^Turns her hack.) Miss Seersucker, Wiggins is ready for you. I will get the necklace, and we will try the effect. Pet. Thanks, Duchess ; I am quite ready. Blaz. What is the costume, mother ? Duchess {going to safe). Has not Miss Seersucker told you? She is to be the Ra- nee, and wear the necklace. Blaz. Wear the Ranee's necklace ! Jove ! — er — what a jolly idea! [Comes down f. Aside,) It has come. It is now a toss-up be- tween Ryder and me. One of us goes to the wall, and, by Jove ! it shall not be me. [To Pet.) You could not have made a more be- coming or, to me, a more flattering choice. Pet. Flattering ! Why, I thought, on the contrary — ah, I beg your pardon. Lord Bla- zonberrie. Jack (aside). It is evidently all settled. I must take myself off. Duchess, I have the honor to thank you for your kind hospitality, and to wish you good-bye. Duchess. Pardon me for detaining you. TULU. 231 but I have forgotten the combination. Usu- ally I write the word in my note-book. This time I trusted to your memory. Jack. Permit me to assist you. ( Unlocks sofe^ hands Ducrkss jewel-box. She takes out tray^ gives box back.) Duchess. One moment more. Will you hold this tray while I — Great heavens ! I — oh ! great heavens ! What shall I do ? [All rush to her,) Pet. Oh, what is the matter ? Duchess. We are robbed ! Blazonberrie, the Ranee's necklace is gone ! Jack. The Ranee's necklace 1 Pet. The Ranee's necklace ? Jack. Why, I saw you put it there my- self. Dick {examininc/ tray). It is gone, no deny- ing it. Blaz. Impossible ! Diamonds do not ex- hale. There must be some mistake, some stupidity. Who knew the combination ? Duchess. Why, only Mr. Ryder and I. Jack. Yes, only the Duchess and myself. Blaz. {starts). Only! Ah! Dick. What ails vou ? 232 TULU. Blaz. Nothing. Jack. And I told no one. Duchess. Nor I. Blaz. (starts again). Why, that looks — Oh, nonsense ! Duchess. Looks? Looks what? Why do you not finish your sentence ? (Pause.) I in- sist. Blaz. {affecting to loioer his voice). Do you not see ? It is impossible, incredible ! I am host in my own house, not a detective. Duchess. Not a detective, you mean ? Blaz. (^glancing at Ryder). That it is best to say no more. The house of Toedmag can better afford to pocket its loss than to — Dick. Oh ! By Jove ! Blazonberrie, you don't mean — Jack [stepping foriuard). Perhaps Lord Blazonberrie will kindly explain what he does mean. Blaz. (haughtily). I have said nothing, sir! Pet. But you looJc volumes. Duchess. Look ! Well he may. I see it all ! No one but Mr. Ryder and myself knew the combination. He thou^rht I should not wear TULU. 233 the necklace. He asks me most particularly about it. He arranges to be called away by business just remembered ; and supposed the loss will not be discovered until *lie has made his escape. Mr. Ryder, give me my necklace ! Blazonberrie, secure the doors and summon the police. Pet. Duchess, you dare to say — you mean ? Blaz. My dear Miss Seersucker, you will, I am sure, pardon the Duchess who is in a fear- fully excited condition. TuLu (outside). Mr. Dick ! Mr. Dick ! Dick. Oh ! I say. Miss Seersucker, shall I head off poor little Tulu ? Send her off to Saunders? Pet. Yes, do. She is so excitable. >J (Uxit Dick, c.) Jack. Since matters have come to this pass I demand an investigation. Pet. (clasping her hands on his arm). Yes ! »J^ We demand an investigation. Blaz. (aside). Quite touching ; but I will make her change her note. [Aloud.) Inves- tigation, Mr. Ryder, is too formidable a word. 234 TULU. But if you will permit me to forget that I am your host, and ask — Duchess. Permit you ! A thief is obliged to answer what questions you choose. Pet. Jack, don't you speak a word ! Blaz. It is in his own interest. Miss Seer- sucker. Jack. Will you proceed with your ques- tions. Lord Blazonberrie ? (Dick enters^ c.) Blaz. The situation is novel. I hardly know how to begin. Duchess. Demand the keys of his trunk, if you will begin at the beginning. Pet. Abominable ! [Goes to r. f. with Jack ; sits by desh^ Jack standing by her. Duchess sits^ l. f. ; Dick stands hy fire,) Blaz. [stands, c). There is certainly a mys- tery, but it may be easily shown that it does not involve Mr. Ryder. [To Jack.) I think you have at no time been alone in this room, without witnesses, since the diamonds were placed in the safe ? Jack [considering) . I cannot say that, Lord Blazonberrie. TULU. 235 Blaz. Ah ! May I ask at what hour you were alone here ? You left Dick and myself in the dining-room half after nine, or there- about. Jack. When I left you I came here and found Miss Seersucker. Chetwyn joined us, and I went for a stroll in the park. Blaz. And that lasted — Duchess. Any time he chooses to say. Why do you allow this adventurer to fabri- cate his story at his leisure ? Blaz. This is hardly a scene for ladies. You and Miss Seersucker had best retire. Duchess. I remain here. Pet. And I. Jack. My stroll lasted twenty minutes or so. I returned, and found you with Miss Seersucker — Pet. Ah, I see ! Jack. — went out without disturbing you, came back about quarter-past ten — Duchess (rising). It would be in order now, Mr. Ryder, to explain what was the magnet that brought you here again and again. Jack (taking no notice. She sits again). 236 TULU. Chetwyn joined me, turned out the light, asked me to wait, went off. Suspecting a practical joke, I went to my room, packed my trunk, smoked a cigar, and retired about twelve o'clock. Blaz. Then you were alone here in the dark how long ? Jack. Possibly three minutes. Duchess. That is when he took the dia- monds ! This accounts for his haste to leave us. Pet. a crime is not needed to explain that. I have felt the same desire myself. He might have been bored. Duchess. It is a clear case. There is no other explanation. Blaz. Oh, good gad ! ( Walks up and down,) Pet. (composedly/). Pardon, Duchess, but Englishwomen have been known to steal their own jewels, you know, when they or their sons have debts that cannot be acknowledged. Duchess. You defend your accomplice with spirit. Miss Seersucker. (JRises.) Pet. (springing up). My accomplice ! Jack (stepping forward). Accomplice ! TULU. 237 Blaz. {coming between), I will not — Duchess {interrupting). Let him explain why, having received neither letter nor tele- gram, he break's up the dance for which he has ordered his costume, and is suddenly called away by business, of which he must have known when he accepted my invitation. {Sits.) Pet. Now, Jack. {Sits,) Jack. I have nothing more to offer. Blaz. But surely, in consideration of the extraordinary situation, something more defi- nite — if there were something. Jack. There was, but it has no bearing on the case. Blaz. Still, it would serve you better to give it. Pet. {aside). That was a stab. He wishes to convict. Jack {steadily), I have no more to offer. Duchess. I insist that you send for the police, Blazonberrie. Blaz. Have you any theory, Mr. Ryder, as to who besides yourself could have learned the combination? Dick. I say, Blazonberrie, don't your ques- tions rather point one way ? 238 TULU. Blaz. The answers do, perhaps, Diet. Duchess. Precisely ! The answers do. Pet. {indignantly). Oh, oh ! Jack {contem2:)tuously). Theory ! There are a dozen. Some one may have listened behind the portieres : some chance passer may have heard : the Duchess may have told some one — Duchess. Who — I? When I could not remember the word ? Pet. You may have told, Duchess, and forgotten that and the word all in the one motion. Duchess. Absurd ! Pet. It was a singular lapse of memory. Looks like a "put-up job," as they say in the States. Blaz. (hastily). Did you see no one at all, meet no one, when you left it for the last time ? Jack. Why, yes, a servant — Robinson, I fancy — ran into me in the door. Blaz. This was quarter-past ten, I think you said. [Rings hell,) Jack. About that. ( Whispers to Pet.) TULU. 239 X (Robinson enters, c.) Rob. Did you ring, ray lord ? Blaz. (sitting on tete-a-tete). Yes ; we have a joke, a bet, which I think you can help us to decide. Were you in this room last night ? Rob. I were, my lord. I brought your lordship a letter, hand later I fetched a mes- sage to Miss Seersucker from the Duchess. Hit was hall dark, hand I lighted hup. Blaz. Was any one here ? Rob. I run hinto some one hin the door — Mr. Ryder, I think— -cos 'e says, 'urried like, " No matter," wich your lordship hand Mr. Dick most generally says — [Hesitates,) Blaz. Well? Rob. Beg parding ! But wen a body gets hin your ways you says — ahem ! — Damn you ! Blaz. What time was this ? Rob. Quarter to heleven. I wound the 'all clock d'rectly hafterwards. Blaz. Quarter to eleven. Um ! ^Vas the room quite as usual this morning ? Rob. The camery was pulled hout, hand there was burnt matches by the desk, so 240 TULU. the 'ouse-rnaid she was. sure hit was burg- lars — (All exclaim "' Oh /") Blaz. Go on. Rob. But Saunders says Miss Tulu give 'im a plate to finish hup this morning, so we suppoged heverything was hall right, hand Mr. Dick 'ad been taking a picture. I 'ope nothing his wrong. Blaz. Nothing. You may go. Rob. [taking amulet from his pocket). We found this little match-box like by the desk. His hit yours, my lord ? {Hands him amulet,) Jack. My amulet ! Duchess. By the desk ! Biazonberrie — Blaz. Careful ! Leave the room, Robin- son. Rob. Yes, my lord. (Aside,) Whathever is going hon ? (Exitj c.) Duchess. Proof positive ! And matches burned by the safe. Biazonberrie, send for the police. Jack. I second the motion. Pet. Oh, Jack! Blaz. I cannot allow it. Jack. But I insist. This examination is a TULU. 241 mere farce, and the circumstantial evidence proves nothing I wish to deny. I was alone here long enough to take the diamonds ; I did lose my amulet ; I did know the com- bination. On the other hand, it has yet to be proved that there is not in this house one who also knew the combination, and had a stronger motive than I for taking the jewels. Duchess. Twenty thousand pounds is motive enough. Pet. Americans rate their good name higher. Duchess. Duchess. How melodramatic ! Blaz. I think I see a way out of the diffi- culty, if you will all leave me alone with Mr. Ryder. Duchess. I shall write the Duke a letter giving all the facts, send it by messenger, and see if this delicate consideration for a thief meets his views. (Uxit, c.) Dick (advancing;). Miss Seersucker, may I take you to the drawing-room ? Pet. Yes. Courage, Jack ! (^xit with Dick, l.) Blaz. (after a moment''s pmcse), Mr. Ryder, 16 242 TULU. thougli I deprecate the Duchess's warmth, I — I— Jack. Share her sentiments. Well, the evidence is strong. [Lights cigarette, sits hy desk, facing Blaz., who walks about, stopping from time to time,) Blaz. I — By Jove ! put yourself in my place. Jack. Were I you I should have me ar- rested. Blaz. I never was in such a dilemma. Jack. Cut the Gordian knot ; have me ar- rested. Blaz. That is impossible, on Miss Seer- sucker's account. Standing in the position I do to her — as — as her future husband — Jack [quietly). As her future husband ? Blaz. Yes. I am placed in a most awk- ward position. I cannot prosecute so near a relative of my fiancee ; neither can I refuse to do so — my father could not — because these jewels are entailed, and belong not to us, but to the estate. Jack. I see. What next ? Shall I remove the obstacle by hanging myself ? Blaz. I do not understand your tone, Mr. TULU. • 243 Ryder. I am very far from jesting. What I would say is this : either give me the neck- lace, or else slip quietly away now, while the others are not here. I promise you, on my honor, you shall not be followed. Jack. Thanks. But how can you answer for that ? The jewels are entailed ; very good ; then it is the duty of the Duke, your father, to regain possession of them. Blaz. I tell you, you shall be safe — for Miss Seersucker's sake. We go deeper into these things than Americans do, and the Toedmags would not care to record an alli- ance with a felon's relative. Jack. And we Americans go deeper yet. We never take refuge behind a petticoat. (Eises.) Blaz. Then you refuse either to give up the jewels or go ? Jack. The jewels I have not got to give, and I most decidedly refuse to run away and bear the burden of another's crime. Blaz. Whom do you suspect? Jack. I will tell my counsel that. Blaz. Suppose I decline and my father declines to prosecute ? 244 TULu. Jack. You cannot. Remember the entail. Blaz. It may be evaded in some way. Jack. Then I shall give myself up to the nearest magistrate. Blaz. Think of Miss Seersucker. Jack. I do, but fancy she sees little to choose between a convict and an unconvicted thief, so prefer proving I am neither. Blaz. I must see her. This must not be. [Goes to door, l.) Miss Seersucker, may I speak with you a moment? Pet. (entering^ l.). Speak with me ? Cer- tainly. {^Goes to Jack; holds out her hand.) Jack ! Jack. Do not touch me ! [Crosses to door, L.) Lord Blazonberrie, you will find me in here. (Uxit, l.) Pet. What is the matter ? Blaz. Your cousin is overwrought, Miss Seersucker. He is playing a desperate game. Pet. Desperate game ! Then you believe him guilty ? Blaz. I have fought against the idea, but he tacitly admits it himself. For your sake, I would never prosecute him, but I cannot hold back my family unless — unless — TULU. 245 Pet. Well, my lord ? Blaz. Unless you promise to marry me. Then, as cousin of my fiancee^ he is safe. Pet. I see. (WalTcs about,) Blaz. Think of the position I am placed in. Forced to prosecute one who is not only near to you, hut my friend and guest. Better lose a hundred thousand pounds, I say. Pet. And if I accept the condition, what next? Blaz. {going to her). Persuade him to leave here at once. He shall not be followed. I swear it. Pet. You want Jack to run away ? Blaz. It is the only course. Urge it on him. Pet. Have you suggested it to him ? Blaz. Yes, but he is determined to brazen it out. To you he must listen. Pet. Perhaps. {Walks up and down ; stops in front of Blaz.) Lord Blazonberrie, I ac- cept your terms— Blaz. {taking her hand). My dear girl ! Pet. {releasing herself). Wait ! I accept, conditionally. {With emphasis.) On the day you convince me of Jack's guilt, I promise to marry you. 246 TULU. Blaz. Then it is settled. And you will urge him to go at once ? Pet. Send him to me, if you please. Blaz. {hissing her hand). You lift a load from my mind. (£Jxit, l.) Pet. [ruhhing her hand). Faugh ! His kiss burns. What hypocrites we women are ! However, it is but fair. I do not quite be- lieve in his disinterested care for me, nor do I like it. I am to get Jack out of his way, am I ? Well, we will see. (Jack enters, l.) Pet. Jack, I have a commission to execute. Will you please run away ? Lord Blazonber- rie most particularly requests it. Jack. I dare say. Petrolia, before we go any further, I must know if it is true you are to marry Blazonberrie. Pet. I am — Jack. Ah ! Pet. Wait ! only on the day he convinces me of your guilt, and that will be — never ! Jack. My darling Petrolia ! [Embraces her.) Pet. How could you doubt me, Jack ? TULU. 247 Jack. I was distracted with jealousy. Then came the accusation. Pet. Ah ! the accusation ! Jack, we must not waste time. You are innocent ; then some one is guilty — some one in this house. Jack. Whom do you suspect ? Pet. The Duchess, or Blazonberrie, or both. (Checks off points on her fingers,) First point, the Duchess insists on telling you the combi- nation ; second, she forgets it ; third, Blazon, berrie brings out all the evidence against you ; fourth, refuses you the benefit of a trial ; and fifth, uses every means in his power to induce you to run away. Jack. Commend rne to a woman's imag- ination ! Pet. And me to a man's stupidity. But we must act, not talk. We will go to Bla- zonberrie, and again demand a trial. Jack. And if he refuses I shall give my- self up to Sir Henry Thornton, the nearest magistrate. Pet. I will drive over with you. Jack. No, no. Pet. Yes, yes. Come, Jack, we must see Blazonberrie at once. {They go off^ l.) T^S: 248 TULU. (TuLU enters^ q,^ carrying iwoof of photo. y TuLU. There's something queer going on, and I can't find out what it is. I thought it was funny Mr. Dick took me to his den to help Saunders. He wanted to get me out of the way. I made Saunders finish up my picture, and it is awfully funny, only no one will look at it. i^SiU on tete-a-tete ; looks at picture,) Oh, dear ! I just wish some one would come ; I'm dying to show it. Hateful things ! always having secrets. [Enter Blazonberrie, c.) TuLu (running to him). Lord Blazonberrie, I've got an awfully good joke on you. See ! (Holds out picture,) Blaz. (impatiently). Don't be a nuisance ! Where is your sister ? TuLU. Find her yourself. (Blaz. goes off^ L.) " Don't be a nuisance !" Indeed ! I am a nuisance, am I? Well, they can keep their old secret. I've one of my own. (Enter Dick.) TuLu. Oh, Mr. Dick ! (Puts picture he- ind her.) TULU. 249 Dick. Holloa, Tula ! [Throivs himself on sofa.) TuLu. Holloa yourself ! rm not a baby. Dick. Pardon my disrespect, Miss. I'm all out of sorts. Blue as indigo. TuLu. Does your poor head ache ? Dick. Like thunder. TuLu. Then I'll cologne it. (Puts picture on table, takes scent bottle from her pocket, goes to Dick,) Put your head back. [Rubs his head,) Dick. You're a good sort, Tulu. TuLTj. Does it make you worse to talk? Dick. No ; but I can't be larky. TuLtJ. Of course not when you're blue. I'm never blue myself, but I'm blaze. Dick. What's that last word ? Tulu. Blaze. It's French for sort of tired of things. When I go to matinees I hardly cry a bit. I've seen it all before, you know. Don't you know French ? Dick. Not as intimately as you do. Tulu. I guess you're chaffing. I say, Mr. Dick, you didn't take a picture last night, did you ? Dick. No. 250 TULU. TuLu. But you fixed tlie camera for one, didn't you ? Dick. Yes, but my subject got away. TuLu. Mine didn't — at least, I caught an- other, and took a picture that's a regular Jim dandy. Dick. Didn't I tell you not to meddle with my camera? (Sits up.) TuLU. Put your head back. (He does so,) I didn't meddle at all. The machine was in order, so I just meant to snap you off for fun. Dick. Well, you didn't get me. TuLij. I got something better yet. The queerest thing you ever did see. I'll show it to you. Just a little more cologne. [Tilts bottle over his head.) Dick (jumping up). Oh, my eye ! Oh ! TuLU. Oh, I'm so sorry ! I'll fetch some water. (Buns to door, c.) Dick. You'll fetch nothing ! (Jostles her in door, runs off, holding handkerchief to his eye.) TuLu. AVhat an awful day I'm having ! (Feels her elbow.) He nearly broke my arm, and didn't even see the picture. (Catches up picture.) Oh, dear, I wish I was home ! I TULU. 251 do. [Flings herself on sofa.) Everybody is just perfectly hateful ! (Sobs.) k (Enter Petrolia, l.) Pet. Tulu in tears ! Poor little thing, she has heard the news. [Goes to her.) What is the matter, Tulu ? (Kneels by sofa.) Tulu. Mr. Dick wouldn't look at my pict- ure. 1 wish I was dead ! Pet. Is that all? Tulu, dear, I want you to go up-stairs at once, and help Parker pack our boxes. We leave here to-day. Tulu (sitting up). Have you had a row with the Duchess, Smithy ? Pet. (sitting by her). Yes. Tulu. Then I'll stay and see the thing out. Pet. Please go, like a dear girl. Tulu. I'm not a dear girl. I'm a nui- sance. I want to be a nuisance. No one will oblige me by looking at my picture, and I won't oblige any one. Pet. I'll look at the picture if you'll only go away. (Holds out her hand.) Tulu. It's a joke — don't grab it ! There ! (Gfives her photo.) Isn't that capital ? What 252 TULU. do you s'pose lie is doing ? Saunders and I nearly had a fit over it. Pet. It's Lord Blazonberrie ! TuLU. Yes, and he's holding a necklace — see! Pet. {springing up. Goes to light). The Ranee's necklace ! Tulu, how did you get this picture ? Tulu. Last night. I was waiting to get Mr. Dick, you know — Pet. Yes ; go on. Tulu. I turned out the light, crawled be- hind the table with the bulb in my hand, and went to sleep. Well — Pet. Do hurry, Tulu. Tulu. Well, I don't know how long I slept — not long, I guess. Anyway, I waked up, and heard some one sneaking to the door. Of course I thought it was Dick, so I squeezed the bulb, and the flash went off. Pet. Yes ; and then ? Tulu. Then I pulled out the plate, wrapped it up in the cloth, and took it up to bed with me. And this morning when Saunders de- veloped it it was Blazonberrie, not Dick. Isn't it funny ? TULU. 253 Pet. Funny ? It's adorable ! (Kisses Tulu.) Tulu, you've saved us. Tulu. What ever has got into you ? [Enter Duchess, Blazonberrie, and Dick, c.) Duchess. Where is Mr. Ryder ? Did no one watch him ? Pet. I did, Duchess. Blaz. And he has gone ? (Jack enters, l.) Jack. I am still here, Lord Blazonberrie. Have you any more evidence. Duchess ? Duchess. No. Blazonberrie — Pet. One moment, Duchess. Lord Bla- zonberrie, I cry off from our bargain. So far from being convinced of my cousin's guilt, I have proof positive of his inno- cence. Duchess. Bargain ? What bargain ? Jack. Petrolia ! What is — Duchess {interrupting). The proofs first, if you please. Pet. You may not like them, Duchess. Lord Blazonberrie, what do you say ? 254 TULU. Blaz. What have I to do with the mat- ter? Pet. (holding out photo to Dick). Mr. ChetwjD, will you look at this picture, and tell us who it is ? Dick {talcing it). Blazonberrie ! Splendid ! Perfect ! Who took this ? TuLU [proudly). I did. Thought I was going to spoil your camera if I touched it ! Pet. {earnestly). Mr. Chetwyn, what does Lord Blazonberrie hold in his hand ? Dick {looking). The Eanee's necklace ; no one could mistake that pendant. {Starts.) By Jove ! when was this taken ? TuLu. Last night, about eleven o'clock. All. Eleven o'clock ! TuLu. Yep ; eleven o'clock. {Laughs.) Blaz. {aside). The flash ! Oh, double-dyed fool! Jack. Tulu ! You took Lord Blazonberrie with the Kanee's necklace in his hand at eleven o'clock last night ? Tulu. Yep, and never knew it — there's where the joke comes in. I w^as laying for Mr. Dick in the dark, and w^as sleepy — it was awfully hot ; I was behind the table there — TULU. 255 so I dropped off in a little nap. Well, I had the bulb all ready, waked up, heard some one in the room, thought it was Mr. Dick, squeezed the bulb, and never knew till this morning what I had got. Isn't it grand ? Mr. Dick never got anything half as good. Isn't it a joke on him ? Dick. It's a serious sort of joke on us all, Tulu. Duchess {seizing picture). It is Blazonber- rie ! But it proves nothing. It is an Amer- ican trick. Tulu. Trick ! I tell you— Pet. (interrupting), Tulu, this is serious. Last night the Ranee's necklace was stolen — Tulu. Stolen ! Stolen here ! Was I alone in the room with a real burglar ? {Looks at Blaz.) Oh ! Oh ! Lord Blazonberrie had the necklace. Petrolia, what have I done ? Jack. Skived my reputation. They ac- cused me — Pet. Yes, Tula, they called Jack a thief ! Duchess. And do still. It is a con- spiracy. Dick. Aunt Hildegarde, be reasonable. 256 TULu. Jack. Very good. I return to my first proposition : order my arrest. Blaz. Stuff ! Nonsense ! I have been a fool, but know when the game is up. 1 over- heard the combination, and stole my own diamonds. There you have it. We will say nothing, and you will say nothing, for we might still make it unpleasant for you, in spite of Tulu and her camera. [Goes over to fire,) Duchess. Wretched boy ! he confesses his disgrace ! [Sits^ l. f.) Dick [going to her). Aunt Hildegarde, we owe Mr. Ryder a most humble apology. Duchess. Not at all. It w^as but natural to think twenty thousand pounds a great temptation to a man of his stamp. [Fans herself violently,) Tulu. You're off about his "" stamp," Duch- ess. Blazonberrie is a gentleman because he couldn't help being born a Toedmag ; but Jack is a gentleman because he likes to be. So there ! Pet. My dear Tulu — Tulu. You can't down me. Smithy. It's the solid truth I'm giving her. TULU. 257 Jack (kissing her). You are a little trump. TuLU. But I take a big trict, don't I ? TABLEAU. Blazonberrie. Petrolia. Dick. TuLU. Duchess. Jack. Rob. {entering, c). The carriage waits, Miss Seersucker. QUICK curtain. 17 BY MARY E. WILKINS. A New England Nun, and Other Stories. 16mo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1 25. {Just published,) A Humble Romance, and Other Stories. 16mo, Cloth, Extra, $1 25. Only an artistic hand could have written these stories, and they will make delightful re^dimg.— Evangelist, N. Y. The simplicity, purity, and quaintness of these stories set them apart in a niche of distinction where they have no rivals. — Literary World^ Boston. The reader who buys this book and reads it will find treble his money's worth in every one of the delightful stories. — Chicago Journal' Miss Wilkins is a writer who has a gift for the rare art of creating the short story which shall be a character study and a bit of graphic picturing in one ; and all who enjoy the bright and fascinating short story will wel- come this \o\\xmQ,— Boston Traveller. The author has the unusual gift of writing a short story which is com- plete in itself, having a real beginning, a middle, and an end. The volume is an excellent one. — Observer, N. Y. A gallery of striking studies in the humblest quarters of American country life. No one has dealt with this kind of life better than Miss Wilkins. Nowhere are there to be found such faithful, delicately drawn, sympathetic, tenderly humorous pictures. — iV. Y. Tribune, The charm of Miss Wilkins's stories is in her intimate acquaintance and comprehension of humble life, and the sweet human interest she feels and makes her readers partake of, in the simple, common, homely people she draws. — Springfield Republican. There is no attempt at fine writing or structural effect, but the tender treatment of the sympathies, emotions, and passions of no very extraor- dinary people gives to these little stories a pathos and human feeling quite their own. — N. Y. Commercial Advertiser. The author has given us studies from real life which must be the result of a lifetime of patient, sympathetic observation. ... No one has done the same kind of work so lovingly and so \wc\\.— Christian Register^ Boston. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. ffS^The above works sent by mail, postage prepaid, to any part of the United States, Canada, or Mexico, on receipt of the price. By W. D. ho wells. A BOY'S TOWJi. Described for Harper's Young People\. Illustrated. Post 8vo, Cloth, Ornamental, $1 25. This lovely book has so many excellent qualities that it is hard to discriminate in praising it. ... In no novel of his are we more fasci- nated from cover to cover than in this truthful narration of a boy's ]ite.— Hart/or d Courant. THE SHADOW OF A DREAM. A Story. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00 ; Paper, 50 cents. Full of the keen wit and fascinating analysis for which thiB author is distinguished. ... It is a tale full of delicate genius, in the front rank among its kind.— iV. F. Stm, A HAZARD OF NEW FORTUNES. 12mo, Cloth, 2 vols., $2 00. Illustrated, 12mo, Paper, $1 00; 8vo, Paper, 75 cents. Never has Mr. Howells written more brilliantly, more clearly, more firmly, or more attractively than in this instance.— -Y. Y. Tribune. ANNIE KILBURN. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50. Cheap Edition, Pa- per, 75 cents. Mr. Howells has certainly never given us in one novel so many por- traits of intrinsic interest. . . .It certainly seems to us the very best book that Mr. Howells has written. — Spectator^ London. APRIli HOPES. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50. Cheap Edition, Paper. {Nearly Ready.) A delightfully humorous and penetrating study of Boston society — Boston Transcript. THE MOUSE -TRAP, AND OTHER FARCES. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00. This charming volume has in it elements of perpetual delight, for somehow one never tires of reading these delicious absurdities.— Boston Beacon. MODERN ITALIAN POETS. Essays and Versions. With Portraits. 12mo, Half Cloth, $2 00. Mr. Howells has in this work enabled the general public to obtain a knowledge of modern Italian poetry which they could have acquired in no other way. — .V. Y. Tribune. Published by HARPER & BROTHERS, New York. ITF* The above works will he sent by mail^ postage prepaid, to any part of the United States^ Canada, or Mexico, on receipt of the price. I iRQARY OF CONGRt&» iiiiiininii 015 907 401 8