NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS, Price 15 Cants Each, Postpaid. Catalogue Free. M. P. All that Glitters is not Gold, com- edy, 2 acts, 2 hrs . 6 3 All Expenses, Ethiopian, 10 min. 2 Assessor, sketch, 15 min 3 2 Babes in Wood, burlesque,25 min 4 3 Borrowing Trouble, farce, 30 min 3 5 Bad Job. farce, 30 min 3 2 Bumble's Courtship, sketch, 18 m. 1 1 Bardell vs. Pickwick, farce, 25 m. 6 2 Back from Califurny, Ethiopian, 12 min 3 Caste, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 m. 5 3 Cow that Kicked Chicago, farce, 20 min 3 2 Country J ustice, farce, 15 min .... 8 Circumlocution Office, 20 min 6 Chimney Corner (or Grandfather's Mistake), drama, 2 acts, 1 hr. 30 min 5 2 Danger Signal, drama, 2 acts, 2 hrs 7. 4 Desperate Situation, farce, 25 min 2 3 DeafinaHorn, Ethiopian, 8 min. 2 East Lynne, drama, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 8 7 Eamily Strike, farce, 20 min 3 3 Fruits of Wine Cup, Temperance drama, 3 acts, 1 nr 6 4 Friendly Move, sketch, 20 min... 5 Punnygraph, Ethiopian, 12 min.. 6 Home, comedy, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 Handy Andy, Ethiopian, 12 min.. {Reads.) "Deceitful man! so long as I had but myself to care for, I asked nought from my wicked husband who left me so heartless- ly. I would rather beg my living than" — Skip. {Springing up.) What in thunder are you reading? I gave you no such letter as that ! That's not mine. Mrs. M. Whose is it then ? Oh, Samuel, so you are married ' Skip. I married? I? {Searches pockets.) Good gracious! I must be a walking postoffice. Mrs. M. So that is the reason you kept putting off our wedding ! Afraid of being arrested for bigamy ! Skip. Bigamy ! Me ! A bachelor commit bigamy ? That must be Filkins' letter; and yet — oh, Lord ! — she says it is addressed to me. {Sits disconsolate.) Mrs. M. I have not read it all. Listen to the balance, you wicked, wicked man. {Reads.) "But since I am now the mother of two frail creatures" — Skip. What ! Mrs. M. Two frail creatures ! Skip. (Faintly.) Is that all? Mrs. M. {Reads.) "Of whom you are the father, {Skipper groans.) and whom you are in duty bound to support, {another groan) I shall need money. If you fail to supply it, I shall come to you with our children in my arms, and tell the world of your disgraceful conduct." Skip. {Pacing stage.) This is a vile scheme! A foul conspiracy! 6 A WONDERFUL LETTER. An intimidating, blackmailing plot ! A — a — oh, damme ! How is this one signed ? Mrs. M. I can't make it out.. Skip. That's what Filkins said. Mrs. M. And so, Mr. Skipper, you really are married? Skip. I swear I am not. Mrs. M. I must have more proof than mere words can give. Skip. What more do you want ? Mrs. M. If you are innocent, marry me at once. Skip. Not for Samuel ! Mrs. M. What's that ? Skip. Exactly. Give me time, Mrs. Malcrasher, give me time. Enter Filkins, C. D. Filk. Come, come, old man ! The manager wants you. Skip. Oh confound the manager, and the theater, and you, and every- body ! Here — read this letter again. Filk. Certainly. You haven't found your spectacles yet. I suppose. Skip. No matter. Read it again, and be sure you make no mistake. (Gets between Filkins and Mrs. M '., ivatcliing both narrowly. She signals, but Filkins does not urtder stand.) Well — are you dumb ? Filk. (Reads.) "My dear sir" — Skip. (Grabs letter.) Now ( To Mrs. M.) you read. Mis. M. (Reads.) "Deceitful man"— Skip. There ! Now I'm certain that one of you can't read. Filk. Eh? You say that / can't read ? (Snatches letter 'and reads.) "My dear sir: I have the honor to inform you that I shall draw on you on the 15th inst. for the sum of five hundred dollars, long" — Mrs. M. (Snatches letter.) Do you infer that / cannot read ? (Reads) "Deceitful man ! So long as I had but myself to care for, I asked naught from my wicked husband, who left me so heartlessly. I would rather beg my living. But since I am now the mother of two frail creatures, of whom you are the father" — Skip. (Excitedly.) But I am not. Mrs. M. This letter says you are. Skip. The letter be ! Mrs. M. Mr. Skipper ! Skip I mean it — I mean it all. I tell you, Mrs. Malcrasher that I am not the father of anything. Airs. M. You must prove it. I am going after a justice to marry us; and if you refuse I shall know that you are — Skip. What in the — Mrs. M. (At door, C.) Now, don't swear, Samuel. I shall be back directly. (Exit C. D) Skip. (Holding up letter) A pretty mess you're getting me into! Filk. (Aside.) The old chap is hit hard. 1 believe I'll give him an- other whirl. Skip. Blast the luck ! Filk. I say, Skip, I want to ask pardon for the joke that I've been playing on you, . , A WONDERFUL I i'.TTF.R. 7 Skip. Joke ? What joke ? Filk. Well, the truth is, I disliked to read what the letter really con- tained; so I made up a lot of nonsense, trusting that you would find your spectacles — Skip. But I haven't found them. Filk. Of course not. and yet I dread to read the letter. Skip. Nonsense. Go ahead. Filk. The contents are dreadful. Skip. Well, well, Filk. But if you insist Skip. I do insist. Filk. All right then; listen; but don't blame me nor Mrs. Malcrasher. {Reads.) "Sir! The insult you gave me last night can only be wiped out with blood." Skip. {Horrified.) Oh, Tord ! Filk. "I followed your footsteps, and know who you are. To-morrow at 6 p m., I shall call on you or send a friend. If you elude me I shall cowhide you at the first opportunity. John Smith." Skip. (Wildly) Merciful heavens! This is terrible! I must be going mad ! Whom have I insulted — when, where, how? Holy Moses ! 1 shall die ! Filk. {Aside.) That finished him ! {Aloud.) I hope' not. Duels, you know, are not always fatal. I should choose pistols if I were you Swords jab such ugly holes in a fellow. A bullet isn't half so bad. Now good-bye. and success to you. {Exit C. D.) Skip. {Gloomily.) That's the worst, of all. A duel ! Great Christo- pher ! Who can it be? First it was Hotch— next a creditor — next a woman with two frail creatures — and now a duel! I'm a dead man, sure. {Pacing stage.) Perhaps, after all, Filkins was lying again. Confound him ! {Looks off.) Hello, there goes Jack as honest a soul as ever lived. I'll have him read it. {At C. D.) Jack ! I say Jack ! Come up! Enter Jack C. D. Jack. Here I am, old fellow. What's the row ? Skip. I want you to do me a favor. I've mislaid my glasses so I wish you to read this letter for me. And now, Jack, I depend on you to read it correctly. Jack. {Looks at letter.) Why, Skipper, it's from the old lady. Skip. What old lady ? Jack. Your mother. Listen to it. {Reads.) 'My dear son. Jennie Smith, whom you doubtless remember" — Skip. Oh, yes, I remember her. The ugliest girl living. Jack. Keep still, will you. {Reads.) "Jennie Smith, whom you doubtless remember, has inherited a fortune of two hundred thousand dollars." Skip. When I said ugly I should have said that she has fine eyes, rosy cheeks, and a beautiful nose ! Jack. {Reads) "She has always cherished your memory" — Skip. Her nose was perfectly lovely ! Jack. {Reads ) "And I think her hand is yours for the asking." 8 A WONDERFUL LETTER Skip. {With rapture.) Oh, Jennie, my darling, my darling, I'm com- ing! {Rushes about and packs valise with various absurd articles white speaking.) I kne%u I should find a right solution to that letter at last. No more dancing lessons. ; no more work, no more bother ! Hip, hip, hurrah ! Oh, Jennie ! Oh, that two hundred thousand dollars ! Oh, glory ! {Looks off C.) Oh— the devil ! Enter Mrs. Malcrasher and Justice, C. D. fttstice. Nix. Not der tuyful, but der pettei half vot youst vas come to be, aint she ? Mrs. M. Yes, Samuel, darling, we will settle this affair if you please Skip. {Grandly.) Mrs. Malcrasher, I request you to be silent. I also request you not to forget to remember, Mrs. Malcrasher, that I am no longer a victim of your plotting, Mrs. Malcrasher. I know the contents of that letter, Mrs. Malcrasher. Mrs. M. You do ? Skip. I do. Mrs. M. What are they ? Skip. A young woman of magnificent mind, lovely nose, dreamy eyes and two hundred thousand dollars, offers me her heart and hand. Mrs. M. Don't be a fool, Samuel. Skip. You will please confine your remarks to yourself, Mrs Mal- crasher. My legal friend will confirm what I say. {Gives Justice the letter.) Be sure that you read it correctly. Just. Oxactly. I reads him priddy gwick. {Puts on glasses. Jack exits CD.) Skip. Don't be all day about it Just. Mappy you didn't like der vay I does, eh ? {Reads ) "To whom it may concern: Ven. Sam Skipper, who can't read, and whom we vish to serve mit a pragdical shoke, asks you to read dis, tell him the first ting vot coomes to your mind." Yah, I dinks somepoty makes fools mit you, tont_ you, eh ? Skip. Who wrote that? Produce the villain! Wa ! Ya ! I'll mop all creation with him ! I'll pulverize him ! I'll everlastingly and eternally paralyze him ! Where is he ? Mrs. M. Be calm, Samuel, be calm. It wasn't a "he." / did it. Skip. You? Mrs. M. Yes — I. I wanted to bring you around sometime, Samuel. Please say that you forgive me. Skip. Forgive you ? Never, Mrs. Malcrasher, never ! I shall punish you by marrying you — on one condition. Mrs. M Name it. Skip. That you will never, never, never refer to this again. Mrs. M. I promise. {To audience.) And I trust that our friends, whenever they receive a puzzling note, may think of us and smile at the memory of our "Wonderful Letter." CURTAIN THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA. Price, if cts. each, post-paid. Thesfi plays are all short, and very funny. Nothing poor in the list. They ■erve admirably to give variety to a programme. The female characters may be assumed by males in most cases. Where something thoroughly comical, but mnebjectiOnable is wanted, they are just the thing. STAGE STRUCK DARKY. A very funny '* take-off" on tragedy; 2 male, 1 female. Time 10 minutes. STOCKS UP— STOCKS DOWN. 3 males; a played-out author and his sympathizing friend; very funny and full ©f ** business " and practical jokes. Time 10 minutes. DEAF— IN A HORN. 2 males; negro musician and a deaf pupil. A very interesting question sudden- ly enables the latter to hear. Full of first-class " business." Time S minutes. BANDY ANDY. 2 males; master and servant. The old man is petulant andtl ^ servant makes all sorts of ludicrous mistakes and misunderstands every order. Very lively id action. Time 10 minutes. THE MISCHIEVOUS NIGGER. A farce; 4 males, 2 females. Characters: The mischievous nigger, old man, Pencil barber, Irishman, widow, nurse. Time 20 minutes. THE SHAM DOCTOR. A negro farce ; 4 males, 2 females. This is a tip-top farce. The "sham doctor" can not fail to bring down the house. Time 15 minutes. NO CURE, NO PAY. 3 males, 1 female. Doctor Ipecac has a theory that excessive terror will cure people who are deaf and dumb. His daughter's lover is mistaken for the patient to the terror of all. Only one darky. A capital little piece for schools or parlor. Time 10 minutes. TRICKS. 5 males, 2 females. (Only two darkys, 1 male, 1 female.) A designing old •tep-father wishes to marry his step-daughter for her money. She and her lover plan an elopement. The old man discovers it and has an ingenious counter-plot— which fails completely, to his discomfiture. Time 10 minutes. Suited to parlo- performance. HAUNTED HOUSE. a males, A white -washer encounters "spirits" in a house he has agreed to white-wash. Plenty of business. Time 8 minutes. THE TWO POMPEYS. 4 males. A challenge to a duel is worked up in a very funny way. Time 8 minutes. AN UNHAPPY PAIR. 3 males, and males for a band. Two hungry niggers strike the musician,* for a square meal. Good for school or parlor, and very funny. Time 10 minutes. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS Any Play on this List I 5 Cts. Postpaid. Plays by T. S. DENISON. ODDS WITH THE ENEMY. A dra..ia in five acts ; 7 male and 4 fe- male characters. Time, 2 hours. SETH GREENBACK. A drama in four acts; 7 male and 3 fe- male. Time, 1 hour ijra. INITIATING A GRANGER. A ludicrous farce ; 8 male. Time, 25 m. TWO GHOSTS IN WHITE. A humorous farce based on boarding- school life ; 7 female characters. Time, ■25 m. . THE ASSESSOR A humorous sketch; 3 maie and 2 fe- male. Time, 15 m. BORROWING TROUBLE. A ludicrous farce; 3 male and 5 fe- male. Time, 30 m. COUNTRY JUSTICE. .rv very amusing- country law suit; S male characters. (May admit 14.) Time, THE PULL-BACK. A laughable farce; 6 female. Time, 20 min. HANS VON SMASH. A roaring- farce in a prologue and one act; 4 male and 3 female. Time, 30 m. OUR COUNTRY. A patriotic drama in three parts. Re- quires 9 male, 3 female, (Admits 9 male i"? female.) Four fine tableaux. Time, about 1 hour. THE SCHOOL MA'AM. A brihant comedy in four acts; 6 male, 5 female. Time, 1 hour 45 min. THE IRISH LINEN PEDDLER. A lively farce; 3 male, 3 female. Time, 45 m. THE KANSAS IMMIGRANTS; Or, the Great Exodus. A roaring farce; 5 male, 1 female. Time, 30 m. TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING. A splendid farce; 3 male, 6 female. Time, 45 m. IS THE EDITOR IN? A farce, 4 male and 2 female. AN ONLY DAUGHTER. A drama in three acts ; 5 male and 2 female. Tiine„i hour 15 m. PETS OF SOCIETY. A farce in high life ; 7 females. Time, 30 m. HARD CIDER A very amusing temperance male, 2 female. Time, 20 m. LOUVA, THE PAUPER. A drama in five acts ; 9 male and 4 fe- male characters. Time, 1 hour 45 m. UNDER THE LAURELS. A drama in, five acts; a stirring- play, fully equal to Louva the Pauper. Five male, 4 ferrale'. Time, 1 hour 45 m. THE SPARKLING CUP. A temperance drama in five acts; 12 male and .\ female. Plays by H. Ellio tt McBride. ON THE BRINK. A temperance drama in two acts; 12 male, 3 female. Time, 1 hour 45 m. A BAD JOB. A farce; 3 male, 2 female. Time, 30 m. PLAYED AND LOST. A sketch; 3 male, 2 female.. Time, 20 m. MY JEREMIAH. A farce ; 3 male, 2 female. Time, 25 nv LUCY'S OLD MAN. A sketch; 2 male, 3 female. Time, 20 m. THE COW THAT KICKED CHICAGO. A farce ; 3 male, 2 female. Time, 25 m. I'LL STAY AWHILE. A farce; 4 male. Time, 25 m. THE FRIDAY AFTERN30N DIALOGUES, Short and lively. For boys and girls. —Price 25 cts. FRIDAY AFTERNOON SPEAKER- A choice collection. Three parts : for little folks, for older boys and girls, short pithy dialogues. — Price 25 cts. SCRAP BOOK READINGS. Latest and best pieces. — Price per No. (paper couer) 25 cts. WORK AND PLAY. BY MARY J. JACQUES. A gem for the little folks. This is a book of both instruction and amusement. Part I consists of a large v.riety of very easy progressive exercises in letters, numbers, objects, geography, language, animated nature, motion, songs, etc. Part IT consists of dialogues, charades, pantomimes, etc. all original.— Price, in Manilla boards, post paid, 50 cts. T. S. DENISON, Publisher, CHICAGO.