Class h ^ "^ -^ GcpightN? C2QElfRIGMT DEPOStr. I (Denhonis Royalty ^Iay:i (^ OWMaid6 ^anny Cannon '775'. XfenUon & Company ^ublhher:^ • Chicago "Price SO Cent:^ Plays for Schools and Colleges AARON BOGGS. FRESHMAN By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy in S acts; 8 males, 8 females. Time, 2% hours. Price, 35 Cents. AFTER THE GAME By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 2 acta; 1 male, 9 females. Time, 1% hours. Price, 25 Cents. ALL A MISTAKE By W. 0. Parker. Farce-comedy in 3 acts; 4 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. ALL ON ACCOUNT OF POLLY By Harry L. Newton. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 10 females. Time, 2^4 hours. Price, 35 Cents. AS A WOMAN THINKETH By Edith F. A. U. Palnton. Comedy in 8 acts; 9 males, 7 females. Time, 2% hours. Price, 35 Cents. AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 14 fe- males. Time, 2^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE CLASS SHIP By Edith F. A. U. Palnton. Commencement play- let; 3 males, 8 females. Time, 35 minutes. Price, 25 Cents. CLUBBING A HUSBAND By Edith F. A. U. Palnton. Comedy in 3 acts; 12 fe- males. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents, A COLLEGE TOWN By Walter Ben Hare. Farce-comedy in 3 acts; 9 males, 8 females. Time, 2^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE DEACON ENTANGLED By Harry Osborne. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 4 fe- males. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. AN EARLY BIRD By Walter B. Hare. Comedy in 3 acts; 7 males, 7' fe- males. Time, 2%. hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE HFTEENTH OF JANUARY By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; 11 males, 10 females. Time, 2^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE GRADUATE'S CHOICE By Edith F. A, U. Palnton. Commencement playlet; 12 females. Time, 35 minutes. Price, 25 Cents. T. S. Denison & Companyi Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO OLD MAIDS OLD MAIDS /^^^ A Comedy in Three Acts BY Fanny Cannon AUTHOR OF 'Writing and Selling a Play," "fF hat's in a Name?" "The Lady of the Opera House," "The Love Laggard," "The Man Who Found Him- self" ; co-author of "The Mark of the Beast," and "Meoiv!" CHICAGO T. S. DENISON & COMPANY Publishers T'lease Read CarefulV/li eA % MATEURS may obtain permission to produce tliis play on payment of a fee of fifteen dollars ($15.00) for each perform- ance, in advance. Correspondence on tKis subject sKould be addressed to T. S. Denison & Company, 623 South Wabash Avenue, Chicago, 111. The professional acting rig,hts of this play, under whatever title performed, are fully pro- tected by the author's playri^ht and copyright, and all infring,ements of this playrig,ht and copy- right will be prosecuted by the author to the full extent of the law. Professionals must apply to the author, care of the Publishers. <:> <:> -v:> C/4ttention is called to the penalties provided by the Copyright Law of the United States of America in force July 1, 1909, for any infringe- ment of the owner's ri|,hts, as follows : Sec. 28. That any person who willfully and for profit shall infringe any copyrig,ht secured by this Act, or who shall knowingly and willfully aid or abet such infringement, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon convic- tion thereof shall be punished by imprisonment for not exceeding one year or by a fine of not less than one hundred dollars nor more than one thousand dollars, or both, in the discretion of the court. -<:> <:> <:> COPYRIGHT, 1921, BY FANNY CANNON. COPYRIGHT, 1921. BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. CALL RIGHTS RESERVED ©cm 59010 «•«. ; JCT 29 1921 TMP92-008798 OLD MAIDS For Five Men and Eight Women. CHARACTERS. Caselda Brown From New York Amanda Chase Her Aunt Alma Bellows Afraid of the Black List Mrs. Bemus No Old Maid, Thank Heaven! Miranda Purcell One of the Old Maids Abby Snyder Another Sarah Stone Still Another Emma Nelson And Another Christopher Bellows A Prosperous Farmer Jed Hopkins The Postmaster Henry Perkins The Village ''Catch'' William Bemus A Farmer Jasper Elwood From New York Place — Kipp's Falls, a smcdl town anywhere in the United States. Time — April of this year. Time of Playing — About txvo hours. Synopsis of Scenes. Act I. At the general store. About eleven in the morning. Act II. Same place as Act I. That evening. Act hi. Alma's home. Two weeks later, about eight in the evening. 5 OLD MAIDS GENERAL PROPERTIES. Act I — Pasteboard boxes supposed to contain merchandise (stocking boxes, corset boxes, etc.) for shelves. Pasteboard boxes for counter (spool boxes, pin boxes, etc.). All boxes may be empty except those from which are taken tlie pins, hairpins and spool sold to Alma. Various small articles of merchandise found in a "general store," to dress the counter and shelves. Dealers' display cards and hangers will also impart atmosphere. Act II — Large unbleached muslin cloth to cover counter. Two trays. Twelve glasses of lemonade. Act III — Flowers for vases. Magazines and books for table. Pictures on walls. PERSONAL PROPERTIES Jed — LT. S. mail sack, containing a newspaper in wrapper for Chris, another for jMrs. Bemus, and a short, typewritten letter for Amanda. Key to open P. O. door. AiNiANDA — Spectacles. Change to give Alma. Alma — Small shopping bag, to close witli (h-aw- string. Purse with money to give Amanda. Miranda — Large bundle, supposed to contain counterpane. Sarah, Emma and Abby — Each brings a package. They are of different sizes, and variously wrapped. Caselda — Wrist watch. Elwood — Suitcase for Third Act. OLD MAIDS Scene Plot. Acts I and II. j Door |- Interior Backing Sheives Counter Act III. Hat Stand ^ WTable :?Dchair D Chair ^ Door f Hallway Interior Backing STAGE DIRECTIONS. R. means right of stage; C, center; 7?. C, right center; L., left; 1 E., first entrance; U. E., upper entrance; i?. 3 E., right entrance, up stage, etc.; up stage, away from f ootHghts ; down stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be facing the audience. OLD MAIDS The First Act. Scene: Inside the store and post office at Kipp's Falls, about 11 o'clock in the morning. A post office enclosure at right occupies most of the right wall space. A small wicket loindow is in the side facing the center of stage. Above this wicket is a sign reading, "United States Mail Post Office." The gate to this enclosure is on the down-stage side. A counter crosses the back of stage from about right center to a point close to the upper left corner. Back of the counter are some shelves. Various boxes, supposed to contain merchandise, are on the shelves. Curtains are drawn aside, later to cover shelves. On the counter are other boxes and sundry articles of notions. These should in- clude, for sale to Alma, a paper of pins, package of hairpiris and box of spools {white). A door in rear wall, leading to rest of house, is between this counter and the post office enclosure, up right center. In side wall up left there is a window with street backing. Muslin curtains are drawn back at either side. Below, near footlights, is the street door, glazed. A muslin curtain is drawn back from the glass. The door opens in and has a bell which tinkles zchenever it is opened in this act. All the male characters keep their hats on their heads in this act, except as otherwise indicated. The stage is empty when the curtain rises. The jjost office wicket is closed. Rear door opens and Aunt Amanda Chase enters. She is a sweet looking 9 10 OLD MAIDS woman of sixty. Her dress is plain and old-fash- ioned. She wears a large white apron. Her gray hair is parted and pinned in a tight knob at the bach of her head. She wears old-fashioned steel spectacles on the end of her nose, looking at people over the top of them. She comes on, looking toivard, door to the street. As she enters a small group of people can be seen passing the window, and then the door opens. Enter Jed Hopkins, postmaster, with a U. S. mail sack, very flat and appearing to be practically empty. He is about fifty, the typical village post- master in an agricultural community; carelessly dressed, with an old straw hat on the back of his head. He is followed by some of the villagers, all talking at once: Mrs. Bemus, ^Iiranda Puecell, Sauah Stone, Emma Nelson and Abby Snyder. Mrs. Bemus, plump and well pleased with herself, is dressed in bonnet and thin shard. (Note: All the dresses and men's clothes should, be of slightly ex- aggerated style, old-fashioned and ill-fitting, to mark the contrast with Caselda's modern dress. At the same time the exaggeration is too slight to tend to the absurd or grotesque.) The other four women are xmrious character types. If pos- sible they shoidd be well contrasted in appearance : IMiRANDA, tall, thin, viiiegary: Sarah, medium height, phlegmatic and rather dull; Emma, short, gray-haired, szoeet and placid; Abby, sentimental, coy, with some attempt at adornment. Aunt Amanda. {To Jed.) Weren't the train late? OLD MAIDS 11 Jfd. Weren't never on time. (Crosses to P. 0. enclos- ure, unlocks the door and enters, closing it behind him.) . . ^ Aunt Amanda. {Affably to the others.) Good niornin'. ^, Miranda. Mornin', Mis' Chase. {The other three add their good mornings. Aunt Amanda goes up baclx of counter and looks over her stock.) Now, I s'pose he'll take all mornin' goin' over that batch. Sarah. {Sloidy and without malice.) My, 3^ou're impatient. Was you expectin' a letter.^ (Miranda looks daggers, but before she can speak Emma comes to the rescue quickly.) Emma. I wrote for that mail order catalogue I saw adver- tised last week in the Weekly Messenger. It oughter come soon. . Abby. {Who has been fluttering near the P. 0. window.) I think it's lots more excitin' to get a letter when you ain't expectin' it, don't you. Mis' Chase .^^ Aunt Amanda. I dunno. Sometimes they ain't jest what you like to git. {Rises and comes slowly around the counter.) But I do hope there's a letter for me today. Mrs. Bemus. {Eagerly.) Was you really lookin' for one.? {Enviously.) I only come to get Willyum's farm paper. He's alius terrible disappointed if it's late. 12 OLD MAIDS (The little window in the P. 0. is opened. All turn toward it, hut Jed comes out the little door into the store. He carries one letter and a paper.) Jed. Here's Willyum's paper, Mrs. Bemus. (He hands it to her. Then, with considerable curiosity, studies the envelope of the letter.) Mis' Chase, here's a letter for you — from Noo York. Aunt Amanda. (Eagerly.) Yes, yes, it's from my niece. (Jed hands it over as if hating to give it up. The others are much interested; Aunt Amanda, with ex- cited manner, pushes up her spectacles into position and opens the letter. It is short and typed on a busi- ness letterhead.) Emma (To the others.) Her niece ! In New York ! Oh, that must be Ca- selda! ,, Miranda. Why, of course — Caselda Brown. She went to school with us. I'd clean forgot all about her. Jed. Oh, yes. I remember now. Mandy's brother's ^^i^^- Sarah. (Stolidly.) Must be twenty-five years since they went away. Miranda. Nigher thirty. And she was about ten when her father took her east. I know, 'cos I was jest two years older. ^bby. (Girlishly.) Wonder if she's married! OLD MAIDS 13 Aunt Amanda. {Has -finished her letter and excitedly comes down. They turn to her expectantly.) She's comin' ! Caselda's comin' ! Emma. Comin' here? To KIpp's Falls.? Abby. {Giggling.) Is her husband comin' with her.? Aunt Amanda. {Looking at her letter.) No ; she ain't married. Mrs. Bemus. {Aside to Jed.) Land sakes ! Another old maid in Kipp's Falls ! (Jed shakes his head ominously.) Aunt Amanda. You see, after brother John died, I didn't hear much from Caselda. But I knew she was awful busy. Miranda. Busy! What doin'.? Aunt Amanda. Earnin' her livin' — in stores and places. Brother John never did 'mount to much as a money getter. But when my husband died last winter, I felt I just couldn't run things. I wrote to Caselda. I thought mebbe her store work would help her give me some advice. I dunno really why I wrote, 'ceptin' she was kin folks — all I had left. And she says in this letter that she is takin' a vacation and will come and look things over. 14 OLD MAIDS Jed. ( With masculine superiority, much amused.) What do jou think she can do? You need a man's ^^^^^^- Aunt Amanda. {Abashed, speaks meekly.) Yes. But Caselda's kinfolks — and she alius wrote right pert letters, and I knew she was real smart. But this letter's kinder short. She don't say much. Slie says slie'll tell me all about it when she gets here. Miranda. When'll that be.? Aunt Amanda. {Referring again to letter.) Let's see. (Reads.) "It never takes me long to make up my mind, so I'm ready to leave now. I ought to be with you almost as soon as my letter. In fact, judging by recent experience with the mail, I may get there first. But don't bother to get ready for me ; I'll go to the hotel." Jed. (Grunting.) Humph ! What'd a lone woman be going to a hotel ^^^' Miranda. (With a sniff.) Oh, she's likely one of these advanced females. Mrs. Bemus. Well, well! I'm awful glad you're goin' to have comp'ny. Mis' Chase. I'll look in later to see her, if she does get in today. Jed. Ain't another train until evenin'. (He returns to P. 0. enclosure. Abby follows and talks to him in dumb shoxv through the windozv.) OLD MAIDS 15 Aunt Amanda. That's so. But you never know 'bout Caselda. Mrs. Bemus. {Turning to the door.) Well, Willyum will be waitin', so I'd better hurry. Miranda. {Also turning to go.) As lonf^ as there ain't anything in the mail, I'll go 'long with you. Comin', Sarah .^ Sarah. Might as well. (Mrs. Bemus, Miranda and Sarah exit, with general ''good mornings'' to the others.) Emma. Is there anything I can do, Mis' Chase .^ Anything you'd like me to bring over.^ Aunt Amanda. Thank you, Enmia, but I can't think of anything riffht now. t-. ° Emma. Well, I'll stop in later. {Starts to go.) Abby. ( Turning from window. ) Oh, everybody's gone. Wait a minute, Emma. {To At^nt Amanda.) Have those new hooks and eyes come in yet.^ . . ^ ^ Aunt Amanda. No. I dunno why they're so long in comin'. I ordered 'em a week ago. Abby. Well, they may come by the next train. I'll be in again. Good-bye, Jed. (Jed grunts a good-bye from his cage. Abby fol- lows Emma, who is already in the doorway. They exit.) 16 OLD MAIDS Aunt Amanda. {To Jed.) Guess I'll look at the spare room. Caselda ought to stop with me. I'll be right back. Jed. All right, Mis' Chase. Take your time. (Aunt Amanda exits through hack door, closing it after her.) Alma Bellows and Henry Perkins are seen through the glass of the street door. Alma pushes it open and enters, followed hy Henry. (Alma is a pretty, rather discontented looking young woman of about 25. Her dress is simple and unfashionable zvithout being absurd. She carries a bag, drawn together at the top by draw strings.) (Henry is a conceited and stupid young man of the same age, zcho looks somewhat ridiculous in his "store clothes.'* There is an awkward attempt at imitation of the city fop. His conceit has no other grotind than that of being the one young marriage- able male in the vicinity, which has brought him an undue amount of deference. He enters with a self- satisfied grin.) s,^^^^ {Petulantly.) Oh, I don't really suppose there is anything, but it's something to ask, anyway. Henry. {Fatuously.) Wait till I go away. Then you'll make 'em all jealous by the lots of letters you'll get. Alma. {Indifferently, as she walks to P. O. window.) But you never do go away. OLD MAIDS 17 Henry. {Impervious to her tone of indifference, ivith a grin.) That shows how lucky you are. Alma, {Paying no attention to him.) Any mail, Jed? j {At window.) Mornin', Alma. I think there's a paper for your Alma. Never mind, then. Pa's coming in later. He'll ^'^ '^' Jed. {Conversationally . ) How is your Pa this mornin'? Alma. {As she turns away.) Nothing's ever the matter with Pa. Jed. Mornin', Henry. Didn't see you before. Henry. Hullo, Jed. {Importantly.) Got anything for me? T Jed. {Without even turning to look.) Nope; never have had. Why don't you get a girl? Then mebbe someone'd write to you. Henry. {With a hilling look at Alma.) Oh, I'll get a girl who won't have to write to me. They's plenty of 'em in Kipp's Falls. Eh, Alma? Alma. {With a disdain he is unable to see.) Yes, lots. (Jed leaves the P. 0. window.) 18 OLD MAIDS Henry. Coiiiin', now? . Alma. No, I want to speak to Mrs. Chase. You can go on, if jou like and come back again. Henry. ( With a smirk.) Goin' to tell her 'bout us.^^ Alma. (Frowning.) P'raps. TT ^ Henry. My, won't they all be s'prised! Alma. (Same indifferent manner.) Maybe. (Then remembers and tries to conceal her impatience and smiles.) All right. Hen. I'll see you later. Henry moves tozcard door. Aunt Amanda enters from hack. . . Aunt Amanda. Why, it's Alma. Was you waitin' for me.'* Mornin', Henry. ^-. -^ Henry. Mornin', Mis' Chase. Alma. (Going to her.) Yes, there are some things I wanted. Henry. Well, I guess I'll be goin'. S'long. (Without so much as touching his hat he eccits, street door.) (Aunt Amanda goes hack of the counter; Alma remains in front of it.) Alma. I'd like a package of hairpins. (At^nt Amanda OLD MAIDS 19 takes a packet from the counter.) A spool of white cotton, number 60 (Aunt Amanda selects spool from spool box) and a paper of pins. That's all. (Aunt AisiANDA gets them and begins to wrap them into a package. Alma gets out her purse. She takes the package and hands Aunt Amanda a coin. She makes change and hands it to Alma. Alma puts package and change back in her bag.) Aunt Amanda. Have you heard the news.^ (She comes around in front of the counter.) Alma. {With some shoiv of interest.) No ; didn't know there ever was any. Aunt Amanda. {Happily.) Yes. My niece, Caselda Brown, Brother John's daughter, is coniin' for a visit — from New York. Alma. {Interested.) New York ! lAIy ! When ? Aunt Amanda. {Excitedly.) She'll be here today. Alma. {With keen interest.) Oh! What's she like.? Aunt Amanda. Dunno exactly. Haven't seen her since she went away. And she's never sent a picture. Alma. Since she went away ! Was she ever here — in Kipp's Falls? 20 OLD MAIDS Aunt Amanda. My, yes. She was born here. Alma. (Puzzled.) Born here! But I don't remember her. Aunt Amanda. Oh, that was long before you was born. Alma. (Slowly.) Long — before — I — was — born ! Oh, then she's old — middle-aged. (Trying not to show her disap- pointment.) Is she coming alone? Is her husband coming with her? Aunt Amanda. She's comin' alone — 'cause she ain't married — not as I ever heard of. Alma. (Losing all interest.) Oh, an old maid, like all the rest of 'em. Well, I'm glad Vm not going to be one. Aunt Atvianda. Why, Alma! ^^^^^ ( Without animation.) Oh, yes ; I'm going to be married. Aunt Amanda. (Excitedly, in marked contrast to Alma's manner.) Married! When? Who to? Alma. (Disgustedly.) Who is there in Kipp's Falls to get married to? Vve never seen but one man around this place. OLD MAIDS 21 Aunt Amanda. (Shocked.) Oh, Alma! You ain't goln' to marry — Henry Per- ^'"^- Alma. (Stubbornli/.) I am. Besides, why not.^ He's a man^and he'll save me from being an old maid in this town. Aunt Amanda. {Falterlngly.) Don't you — keer about him.^ Alma. Care! About Henry? (Short laugh.) As if any- one could care about Henry ! Aunt Amanda. Then why— j^^^^^ (Softening.) Mrs. Chase, you were awfully good to mother before she died, and always good to me. Don't think I'm brazen or bold. But I'd do anything — (defi- antly) anything — rather than be an old maid in Kipp's Falls! AtTNT Amanda. (Shocked.) Oh, Alma! And your father the richest man here. Alma. That's it. He's rich here. He wouldn't tliink of leaving. This is the one chance I've ever had. And I'm twenty-five already. In five years I'll be thirty. And I'll never have anyone else ask me — there isn't anyone else. And with so many old maids, I guess I'm lucky. Aunt Amanda. Oh, Alma ! 22 OLD MAIDS Alma. (Brightening up.) Don't yoii worry about me, Mrs. Chase. I'll be all right. (Gives her a hasty kiss and hurries out through street door.) (Aunt Amanda is shaking her head. Jed, hearing the tinkle of the bell as Alma shuts the door, comes out from his enclosure.) Jed. Why, Mis' Chase! You look worried. AiTNT Amanda. Alma's goin' to git married. Jed. My, ain't that fine! Girls ought to git married. Aunt Amanda. Yes — but, Jed — it's — Henry. Jed. Oh, Henry's all right. He's a man, anyway. And a woman needs a man around. Aunt Amanda. (Not convinced, but yielding.) Yes, I s'pose so. (Looking toward the door.) Here's her father. ^ Jed. (Going back to the enclosure.) Guess he's come for his paper. (He goes inside.) The door opens and Christopher Bellows en- ters. He is a prosperous farmer of 1^8, and rather good looking, but appearing older than he is be- cause of careless dressing and an untrimmed beard. Chris. Morning, Mrs. Chase. How you feeling this fine day? OLD MAIDS 23 Aunt Amanda. Mornin', Chris. I feel very well, thank you. Chris. That's good. (Jed comes out from the enclosure with a paper in its wrapper.) Morning, Jed. Jed. Mornin', Chris. Here's your paper. Came last mail. Chris. Thanks. (He takes it.) Aunt Amanda. Alma's just been tellin' me — Chris. {Pleasantly.) About her engagement? Aunt Amanda. Yes. Are you — pleased.^ Chris. (Good-naturedly, as he tears the wrapper from his paper.) Of course. Girls ought to get married. Aunt Amanda. Ye-es — I s'pose so. (Shaking her head as if not satisfied, she retires to her counter, then out the rear door, which she closes.) Jed. Mis' Chase is expectin' a visitor today. Chris. (Indifferently, looking at his paper.) Yes, so I've been told. Someone spoke of it as I was coming down the street. Jed. Do you remember Caselda.^^ 24 OLD MAIDS Chris. {Looking up.) Perfectly. She was a smart kid. (Looking back at his paper again.) Used to see her around a lot before she went away. Henry enters from street door. Chris. (Having turned at sound of hell.) Hello, Henry. ^^^^^ Mornin', Mr. Bellows. Just been hearin' about Mis' Chase's old maid niece comin' to Kipp's Falls. Gosh a'mighty — what do we want another one here for? T Jed. We've sure got a lot of old hens 'round this place. Henry. Pore old things, I'm kinder sorry for 'em. And now another one. How old is she? Chris. (Folding up his paper, mentally calculating.) Oh, 'bout forty. I used to see licr around a lot. Henry. Forty! Good Lord! (Looking out.) Scat! Here comes tlic buncli ! (A murmur outside.) The door opens and Miranda enters, followed hy Sarah. Each carries a package. Miranda. Where's Mis' Chase? I brought over my new coun- terpane for the spare bed. I thought she'd need it, Sarah. Visitors always need extra things. OLD MAIDS 25 The hell tinkles again with Abby's entrance, fol- lowed at once by Emma. Both carry packages. Abby. {Sniirking and simpering at sight of the men.) Oh, good morning, Mr. Bellows. Chris. {Shortly.) Good morninff. . ^ Abby. Howdy, Henry. Henry. {Negligently.) Howdy. (Emma simply smiles at both and goes up to Miranda.) _-, Seen Mis' Chase yet? XT Miranda. Aunt Amanda enters from door rear. Miranda. Oil, here sh^ is. I brought over my counterpane. I thought you might need it. Aunt Amanda. Thank you, Miranda. {She greets the others, takes packages and puts them on counter.) Mrs. Bemus enters and joins the group. Henry. {Importantly.) Well, Mis' Chase, what do you think of our en- gagement ? {The women exclaim ^'engagement'' in various tones.) Abby. {Gushing.) You been gettin' engaged? Who is the lucky girl, Henry? 26 OLD MAIDS Henry. (Blandhj.) Tlie lucky girl Is — Alma. Abby. Mercy ! Ain't it cxcitin' ! I dunno when we've had an engagement in Kipp's Falls. When is it to be? Chris. Oh, 'bout harvest time, I guess. No especial hurry, is there, Henry? Henry. We haven't decided yet. Here she comes. Alma enters from street door. She stops at see- ing the group looking at her. Abby. (Rushing up to her and giggling.) Oh, you lucky, lucky girl! Alma. (Feeling her superiority over the unattaehed fe- males, forgets Henry and thinks oidy'of her unique position. Smiles graciously.) Thanks, Miss Abby. (The others crowd forward.) Miranda. Congratulations. Though — (xmth a look at •Henry) I don't know what for! Sarah. Hope you'll be happ}-, Alma. Emma. I'm sure you will be. Ain't It fine! ^^^«- ^^^^s. (These lines are spoken almost simultaneously, giving a confused impression.) OLD MAIDS 27 Emma. Goin' to have any bridesmaids? Alma. I don't know; haven't thought yet. Abby. Oh, but you ought! {Again the women all start talking at once, as follows :) ,^ Emma. Will you wear white.? Abby. Why of course ; don't be silly. Mrs. Bemus. Who you goin' to get to make it.? Sarah. Miss Pike, of course; who else is there? Miranda. She ain't never made a weddin' dress. Abby. It's time she began. (As before, this is more general than consecutive; that is, to each question several people answer at once, each in her own way. The foregoing is merely suggestive of the kind of talk it is. At this point it subsides to a whisper, giving the impression that the group is still talking it over.) Henry. (To the men, with a smirk.) I guess this is no place for us men. (He motions to Chris and they start to go out street door. They turn to say good-bye, but the group pays no attention; they exit. Jed goes to the P. 0., locks the door, crosses in front of the group 28 OLD MAIDS and exits street door. He slams it^ grinning the "'^'^'■) Miranda. (Looking around.) Well, it's awful interestin', but I must be gettin' home. . . Aunt Amanda. Won't you come in and see Caselda a little while tonight. All of jou? Abby. ( Pleased. ) 'Deed, yes. I'll be glad to see her again, though it is a lonec time. „ " ii-MMA. Yes, of course I'll come. 'Bout what time? Aunt Amanda. Oh, 'bout eight, I guess. Sarah. I kin git here by eight. Mrs. Bemus. Well, I dunno. There's Willyum. Aunt Amanda. {Hospitably.) Why, bring him along. {To Alma.) And you might bring Chris and Henry — if they'd like to come. A T >T A ALMA. {Reluctantly.) Oh, well, perhaps later. I'll have 'em call for me. Mrs. Bemus. Perhaps I kin come without Willyum. He kin come when the other men folks do. Aunt Amanda. That'll be all right. OLD MAIDS 29 Miranda. (With a sniff.) Yes, do let's have a little peace before the men get in and upset it. Abby. (Giggling.) Why, Mirandy, how you talk! Mrs. Bemus. Well, Willyum will be wantin' his lunch, so I'll look in tonight. Good-bye, Mis' Chase. Miranda. Good-bye, Mis' Chase. Comin', Sarah.'* Sarah. Yes, right away. Good-bye. (She nods to Aunt Amanda.) Abby. (To Alma.) Comin'.? . Alma. In a few minutes. But don't wait; I want to talk to Mrs. Chase a minute. (Miranda and Sarah follow Mrs. Bemus out through street door and Abby follows them, looking back at the door.) . Abby. I'll be so glad to see dear Caselda. Good-bye. (Exits.) (After the door closes Alma walks slowly to th^e window. Aunt Amanda begins to flutter around the shop, tidying up.) Alma. (Disconsolately .) And now there won't be a soul on the street for a good half hour. They're all going to have dinner. (Turning moodily back to the room.) Aunt Aman- da, was it always like this here, even when you were 30 OLD MAIDS joung? Same hour for everybodj to eat, and go to bed, and go to church, and all that sort of thing? Aunt Amanda. I s'pose so, though I can't say I thought about it much. But it reminds me. Won't you stay and have a bite with me.'^ You seem kinder peaked and outer sorts. ^^^^^ (Brightening.) It would be nice. (She grows sullen again.) But there's Pa, and I've been late nearly every day. No, I guess I'd better be going. (She starts for the door.) (Caselda is seen through the window in a long dust cloak of modish cut, her face and hat covered with a heavy veil.) . '^ ^ Alma. Oh, here's somebody ; I don't know — The door opens and Caselda enters, lifting her veil and smiling. She turns to Aunt Amanda. (Caselda's appearance is that of the usual well groomed city woman of the day, xvhether married or single, who dares you to guess her age within ten years of accuracy. She looks between tzcenty- five and thirty, face and figure youthful and alert; there is no attempt at a striving for youth, as a cer- tain mature dignity tones doivn anything out of place. She is simply modern from crown to toe. Her whole personality radiates charm.) (Author's Note: As the youthful attractive- ness of Caselda is the dominating factor in the whole play, its keynote, in fact, it cannot he too strongly emphasized, that the part must be played by an actress naturally possessing those qualities. OLD MAIDS 31 Granted a certain maturity of voice and manner, the role had much better be played by a dignified girl of twenty than by a plump and matronly woman of thirty.) ^ ^ ^ Caselda. You dear, blessed Auntie. Aunt Amanda. (Almost squealing in her surprise.) Caselda Brown! It's little Caselda! (They rush into each other's arms. Alma is petrified. Aunt Amanda releases Caselda.) How on earth did you get here.? There ain't any train! (Caselda laughs as she begins to take off her gloves. Alma watches her with keen interest and some astonishment. This is a new kind of old maid.) But I'm forgettin' man- ners. (She turiis to Alma.) Caselda, this is Alma Bellows — Chris Bellows' daughter. Caselda. (Coming forward to Alma.) To think of your being Chris Bellows' little girl! (Turning toward her aujit and laughing.) Do you know, when I was about eight or nine, I used to think Chris Bellows was too wonderful for words ; he was so nearly grown-up and I felt so unimportant and — young. That was quite some time before you were even thought of — Alma, is it? (She slips off her coat. The dress underneath is plain, for traveling, but not too dark or severe, as it is worn in the next act.) Alma. (Almost shyly.) Yes; Alma. (And then, almost as if forced to speak, she blurts out.) And you are an old maid! I heard them say so. 32 OLD MAIDS Caselda. (Surprised.) Old maid! Why — I suppose I am. I never thought of it that way, though. Alma. If you Hved here you wouldn't be allowed to think of it any other way. They even remembered your age — forty! (She says this as if forty were senil- '^ty-) Caselda. ( Laughing. ) Yes, they would. And forty is right, though I imagine I'm nearer forty-one. There's a birthday lurking around the corner sometime this summer. Alma. (Has not taken her fascinated eyes off Caselda, speaks almost under her breath.) I wouldn't have believed it! Aunt Amanda. (Who has been fluttering around, folding Casel- da's coat preparatory to carrying it off, and gen- erally helping.) But you ain't said how you got here.^ Caselda. Oh, yes ; I started to tell you. Alma. (As if coming out of her trance.) Oh, you must excuse me ; Father will be waiting. I'm afraid I've been rude. Caselda. ( Warmly. ) Oh, no! Alma. I'll be in tonight, Mrs. Chase. Good-bye. Good- bye, Miss — Caselda. (With a bright smile she exits.) OLD MAIDS 33 Caselda. (Laughing.) Miss Caselda! Lord! I feel a hundred! Aunt Amanda. Yes; but how— Caselda. Oh, yes. It was a train breakdown and an auto- mobile trip and — I'll tell you all about it later. But I'm interested just this moment in that girl. Why was she so thunderstruck about my age? Surely I'm not the only forty-year-old woman in Kipp's Falls ! Aunt Amanda. (Laughing.) Deed you ain't. Why, there's Mirandy Purcell, and Sarah^ Stone, and Emma Nelson, and Abb}^ Sny- der, and Jessie Simpkins, and Mary Jane Rogers, and Helen Pike, and — Caselda. (Putting her hands to her ears.) Stop ! Stop ! Wait a minute ! I remember some of those names, of course. But why are you so glib about it.'^ Why, you don't even have to stop to re- member! j^^^^^ Amanda. No. You see we go over the list quite often. Caselda. We! The list! Who? What list? Aunt Amanda. Oh, all the old maids here. You see, sometimes the folks gets talkin' about how many there is, and it gits sort er discouragin' ! Caselda. All old maids ! And you have a list of them ! But that still does not account for that girl's astonish- ment. 34 OLD MAIDS Aunt Amanda. Well, you see. (She looks admiringly at her.) They ain't exactly like you. The old maids in Kipp's Falls are — well — old maids. Caselda. (A light dawns on her.) I see! They look the part! Aunt Amanda. And there's so many that it's gettin' to be a kind of a joke. ^ Caselda. A joke, is it.^^ I wonder who it's on! Aunt Amanda. Caselda. Never mind. Tell me more about Chris Bellows' girl. She reminded me a little of a caged bird of some kind. Aunt Amanda. Well, you see this old maid thing has kinder got her upset a bit. ^ Caselda. Really.? Oh, I see. You mean she fears the worst. (Aunt Amanda does not quite see her humor.) I mean, she dreads the inevitable. Aunt Amanda. Well, she's about the only really young unmar- ried female here, and she's determined to get mar- ried. So she's gone and got engaged. Caselda. {Flippantly.) Oh, she did! Just like that! Well, it was enter- prising, anyhow, wasn't \i? OLD MAIDS 35 Aunt Amanda. (Hesitates.) I dunno what it was^ exceptin' — well, Henry Per- kins. Oh, I guess I'm a foolish old woman — but — Caselda. Henry Perkins! He's since my time, I guess. What's the matter with him? A gay deceiver.? Gam- bler.? Fast.? Aunt Amanda. N-no ! I don't think Henry knows how to be any of them thinefs! ^ ° Caselda. No, really? Then what's wrong? Aunt Amanda. Oh, he's just so no 'count. And Alma's just takin' him to keep from being an old maid. Caselda. {Giving a long, loiv whistle.) Whew! So that's it, is it? Afraid of a black list! Aunt Amanda. Black list ! Caselda. What else is it if it makes a pretty girl marry any old thing to keep from getting her name on that ghastly list of old maids you can reel off so glibly. Aunt Amanda. Well, that's how it is, anyway, and I'm kinder wor- ried 'bout the child. Won't you come to your room? Caselda. Yes. {She stops a moment to think.) Aunt 'Man- da, she said she'd see me later. Aunt Amanda. Yes, some of 'em's comin' in tonight. 36 OLD MAIDS Caselda. {Her face lights up with an idea.) Toniffht ! Aunt Amanda. Why? Ain't it all right? Caselda. (Turning to folloiv her.) Yes, indeed. Perliaps by toniglit — (Aunt Amanda disappears through the door. Caselda picks up her hag to follow. Calls after her.) Aunt 'Manda. Aunt Amanda. {Off.) Yes. „ Caselda. {Going lip.) I think I'm going to enjoy my stay here. {At the door she turns and looks hack over the room so that her face is turned front as she speaks the next line.) And Kipp's Falls may receive a few thrills. {Exit as curtain falls.) Curtain. OLD MAIDS The Second Act. Scene: The same as Act I. That evening about half past seven. The street door is now fastened, with the bell dis- connected, so that all comers must knock. Cur- tains are drawn across all windows, also across store shelves. A cloth covers the counter. Chairs have been brought in and put around the room, enough for all the characters. Five of these are conveniently placed at right near the P. 0. en- closure, three up near the counter, three near the window and two near the street door. These chairs are not definitely grouped, but are xvhere they can be taken by the characters and drazni up to the groups in which they later seat themselves. At rise, Attnt Amanda is ^'fussing'' around, straight- ening things. She is ''dressed up'' to the extent of a fichu over a plain dress. Caselda is stand- ing near the P. 0. wicket looking at the P. 0. sign. She wears the same dress as in the first act, minus the hat and coat. Caselda. {Beading aloud.) United States Mail. Post Office. Is there ever much ill it, Auntie.? Aunt Amanda. (Smiling.) Not much. Mostly farm journals and mail order catalogues, I guess. (She puts a chair straight.) 37 38 OLD MAIDS Caselda. (Looking around.) Do you usually entertain in the store? Aunt Amanda. (Stopping and follozmng her glance.) It does seem queer, don't it? But, you see — well, truly, I ain't entertained before. And I thought this might be better — bigger, you know — if they all come. „ Laselda. (Thoughtfully.) M'm. I see. (Again she looks around at the bare- ness of the room.) Still, as background, I should say it was a hard place to be attractive in. Aunt Amanda. ( Bewildered. ) Background ! Attractive ! Caselda. (Going to her and giving her a hug.) Never mind, dearie. Don't you bother. (Look- ing at her hair.) Auntie darling, why do you wear your hair like that? Aunt Amanda. (Putting her hand up.) My hair? I dunno. Caselda. (Giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.) You're a dear. I'll show you a new way tomor- AuNT Amanda. (Happy over all this affection.) All right, Caselda. I guess you can do most any- tliing you like. OLD MAIDS 39 Caselda. (Looking down at her wrist watch.) I do hope Alma will manage to get here before the others — early enough for a good talk. Aunt Amanda. Well, when Bud came back with the answer to your note he said she'd come as quick as she could. Caselda. I was so afraid she'd tell about having seen me. And I've an idea buzzing in my head that I'd like to put to work — for the good of Kipp's Falls. Aunt Amanda. I guess she'll come early. There isn't much ex- citement. ^ Caselda. No, poor child. So she turns to the terrible ^^"^-^* Aunt Amanda. (Shocked.) I never said he was terrible! Caselda. Same thing. Auntie. You intimated he was a bore, and I can think of few things more terrible. Aunt Amanda. (Smiling.) How you do go on. (There is a knock at the '^'""■•) Caselda. (Stage whisper.) Wait. Let me hide till we're sure it's Alma. (She goes up hack of counter, ready to slip out. Aunt Amanda goes to the door left and opens it.) Aunt Amanda. (Peering out.) Come right in, Alma. We was waitin' for you. 40 OLD MAIDS Alma enters, almost breathless with excitement and interest. She has on a cloak or light wrap over her summer dress. The dress is simple and old-fash- ioned but light and becoming. She wears no hat. Alma. (Removing her cloak, which Aunt Amanda takes.) I thought I'd never get away. And I did so want to come. (Caselda comes down as Alma enters.) Caselda. Why, you're quite out of breath. I didn't mean for you to hurry like that. Alma. (Laughs a little.) Well, you see, I was so anxious to know what you wanted to tell me about — and it was so thrilHng to have a secret, you know — and I was so afraid Pa would say he would come with me. Aunt Amanda. (Taking Alma's cloak to the counter, where she puts it dozen.) Well, I'll leave you two to talk it over whilst I see about some lemonade. (Exits rear door.) Caselda. Do come and sit down. (They take chairs and draxv them together.) I was so interested to learn from Aunt Amanda that you are engaged to be married. . Alma. (All the bright excitement leaves her. She speaks listlessly and as if the change of subject were un- pleasant. ) Oh! That! Yes, I'm engaged. OLD MAIDS 41 Caselda. ( With the intention of drawing her out, speaks with pretended enthusiasm. ) And is he very grand — and wonderful — and all the rest of it? , Alma. (Amazed.) Grand! Wonderful! Oh, my goodness! (She laughs shortly.) (Pretending surprise.) Not grand and wonderful ! Oh, but I thought they always were ! Alma. Well, Henry isn't. He's just — oh, he's just Hen Perkins, the only young man in Kipp's Falls. Caselda. I see. Alma. (Bursting out suddenly.) No, you don't. You don't see at all. How could you! Caselda. I don't know. Try me and see. Alma. Were you ever an old maid — in a place like this? Caselda. ( Heartily. ) Heaven forbid ! Alma. There ! You see ! ^ Caselda. I'm sorry. Perhaps I shouldn't have said it that way. Because it would seem to excuse you and — Henry — or any other man vou care so little about. 42 OLD MAIDS Alma. (Surprised.) Does that need an excuse? Caselda. Yes. Oh, not for you. I think I get your point of view. But I mean there is no excuse for such a thing being necessary. Alma. (Looking down.) I suppose it's different — in places like New York. Caselda. Not necessarily New York — any large place. And can't you see why.^ The point of view is different, especially of women toward themselves. But — that comes later. Do you think the women are likely to get here before any of the men.'* Alma. You needn't worry about that. I don't think the men in this place are the least stirred up about meet- ing another old maid. (Shocked at herself as Ca- selda laughs.) Oh, I beg your pardon. I didn't mean— Caselda. (Talking through her laughter.) Oh, don't mind me. So you think they won't be anxious to meet me. . Alma. (Trying to repair her rudeness.) Oh, I don't mean that. It's just — Caselda. I see. You mean that I'm no novelty, so they'll just meander in out of kindness to Aunt Amanda. Alma. Well, Pa's coming. But he had to wait for the train. He sajd he was expecting a man about busi- OLD MAIDS 43 ness or something. I suppose some old codger about his farm. Lots of 'em come to see Pa.. I was so anxious to get here I didn't wait to hear much about this one. ^ Caselda. Then that will give me a chance to put my plan into effect. ^^^^ (Puzzled.) Your plan? (There is a knock at the door.) Caselda. You know them, dear; won't you see who it is.^ (She crosses to a point above the door where she cafmot be seen as it opens.) Alma. (Crossing to door.) All right. (She opens it.) Oh, come right in. Enter Miranda and Sarah. Thei/ are dressed up in their best clothes, but there is nothing grotesque or ridiculous about them, merely old-fashioned. Ca- selda comes forward smiling. The two women stop short and gaze at her in surprise. Caselda looks from one to the other, hesitates an instant, then holding out her hand, goes to Miranda. Caselda. Well, Miranda, has it been too long a time for you to remember me? Miranda. Caselda Brown ! It ain't possible ! Sarah. (Stolidly.) 'Tis, too. Hello, Caselda. I'm Sarah Stone. 44 OLD MAIDS Caselda. (Holding out her hand.) Sally Stone ! Why, Sally you used to wear two tight httle pig-tails. (Alma, who has been watching this scene imth great interest, laughs suddenly at the thought of Sarah in pig-tails.) Yes, she did, Alma. I used to pull them. It was such pretty hair, Sally. I remember that. g^^^^ (Looks pleased.) You did pull 'em. I'd clean forgot. Caselda. But I'm forgetting my manners. Do take your things off. Alma, we can put their hats on the coun- ter here till Auntie comes back. (There is a knock at the door. Miranda and Sarah remove their wraps and hats during the next speeches and put them on the counter, patting their hair in place and so on. Alma goes at once to the door and again Caselda waits, a little out of sights coming forward when she learns who it is.) Alma. (Opening door.) Why, it's Miss Emma. Come in. Enter Emma Nelson, followed by Abby Snyder. They are dressed about as the others. Alma. Oh, I didn't see you at first, Miss Abby. (Alma shuts the door and goes up stage to the counter as if to help the others, but watching proceedings.) Emma. (Holding out her hand.) I'd have known you anywhere, Caselda, though thirty 3^ears is a long time. OLD MAIDS 45 Caselda. (Hesitating.) It's Emma, isn't it? Thirty years! Think of it! Emma. You don't look it. Abby. (Who has been gazing wide-eyed at her. Now she breaks into a giggle.) Look it ! Mercy me I And I'll bet you don't remem- ber me, though I do think I've changed less than the others. ^ Caselda. (Thinking a moment.) Why, let me see. You're the little girl (Abby simpers at thAs) who used to sit across the aisle in school and cut out rows and rows of paper dolls. Wait a second; it all comes back. (Miranda and Sarah all come dmon and listen xchile Alma holders around the group.) I know. You're Abby Snyder. Tlie boys had a little rhyme about you. How did it go? (The women look at each other. They have not thought of such things, for years. They look again at the fairy godmother who is calUng back their youth. Caselda holds up her forefinger to mark the rhythm as she recalls the doggerel verse.) Abby Snyder — take a spider — (she hesitates). Abby. (Eagerly.) I know — "put it on the seat beside her." Caselda. That's it. Abby Snyder— (The others join in except Alma, and in a sing- song manner continue in unison.) Take a spider, put it on the seat beside her. 46 OLD MAIDS (All laugh like children. Caselda, laughing, turns toward Alma.) Alma. (Stage whisper to Caselda.) They don't seem like old maids a bit now. Caselda. (Motions silence.) Wait. (To Emma and Abby.) Do take off your hats. (Alma comes to help and takes hats and cloaks up to the counter. The women are all beam- ing and smiling.) Please sit down and let's talk. (All find chairs. Alma waits, standing.) Girls, under ordinary circumstances we'd have piles of things to talk about after all this time. But I've a plan and I want to tell you about it before we are interrupted by any of the men walking in. Abby. A plan ! How exciting ! Caselda. (Speaking quickly.) Well, it's like this. I'm an old maid, just like the rest of you. Only, I never thought about it until I arrived here. ^^^^^ (Sloidy.) You mean — you didn't think about being an old maid .'' ^ Caselda. Just that. But wait, let me explain quickly. Miranda. Yes, Sarah, don't go to interruptin' again. Caselda. The first news I had when I got here was about Alma. (Alma comes forward and stands near Cas- OLD MAIDS 47 ELDA.) I found out that in Kipp's Falls I was only another old maid — {they look at each other) and that therefore the men would take no especial inter- est in my arrival. {She is much amused at this. Alma smiles admiringly at her.) I also found, which was to me very dreadful, that Alma was planning to marry a man she almost disliked, for the one and only reason that by so doing she would escape from this situation. {The others exchange serious glances^ with a shake of the head.) It struck me that some- thing was terribly wrong. Abby. Yes. But we can't all have husbands. There ain't enough of 'em — not here, anyway. Casei^da. {Rising.) I think that's one of the things which is wrong. Miranda. Not enough men.^^ Caselda. Not so much that as the idea that women should be punished for something they can't help, and made a joke of by men not fit to tie their shoes. {She speaks with rising indignation.) One would think they had themselves horn male by some special clev- erness of their own. Miranda. {Shocked.) Caselda ! „ li.MMA. I think I know what you mean. Caselda. I mean that it's up to us to refuse to he punished. 48 OLD MAIDS Abby. ( With a nervous giggle, rising.) You ain't suggestin' anythin' immoral, are you, Caselda ? ^^ Emma. (Reprovingly.) Caselda. Not unless it's immoral to make the very best you can of a bad bargain. Emma. (Rising.) You said you had a plan. Caselda. Yes. (Eagerly.) I think the men of this town need a lesson. Will you help me give it to them.^* All. (In various tones.) Yes. We'll try. ^, Caselda. All you'll have to do is to keep still. Don't give me away. None of them have seen me yet. So I'm going to live up to their comic valentine idea of another old maid in town. Will you all promise to keep the secret until I give 3"ou leave to speak? Miranda. ( Rising. ) First excitement I've had in years. You can count °" "'^- Sarah. (Rising.) And on me. _, Caselda. Thanks, Sally. ^ Emma. Of course. You, too, Abby. OLD MAIDS 49 Abby. (Tossmg her head.) Guess I can keep a secret as well as anybody. Caselda. All right, then. I'm going to my room and put part of my plan in operation. If anyone else ar- rives before I get back, remember, not a word. All. We promise. _ Caselda. Good ! I'll see 3^ou all later. Don't look too much surprised. (Laughing, she exits rear.) Alma. Isn't she wonderful ! Miranda. And I knoxv I'm only two years older. Abby. And I'm a year younger. How do you suppose she does it? Alma. I don't think she does it at all. She's just like that. Sarah. {Slowly, as if thinking it out.) Guess it's just 'cause she comes from a place too big to bother about you enough to wish things on you- Miranda. Sarah Stone! I do believe that's the longest sen- tence I ever heard you speak. Abby. (Giggling.) Sarah likes bein' called Sally. 50 OLD MAIDS Sarah. (Stolidly.) Well, why not? They alius used to call me Sally. Emma. I don't know but she's right at that. Aunt Amanda enters at rear. Emma. It's all in the thinkin' and what you let others think. , . Aunt Amanda. Good evenin', everybody. (They turn.) Emma. Oh, Mis' Chase, I didn't hear you come in. Miranda. Good evenin', we've just seen Caselda. Sarah. She called me Sally. Abby. (Laughing.) And it's set her to talkin'. Aunt Amanda. She seems to me like a mighty fine girl. Miranda. (To Emma.) Imagine anyone callin' us girls. Sarah. Caselda did. Miranda. (To Amanda.) She said she had a plan. Aunt Amanda. (Smiling.) Yes. I been helpin' her. OLD MAIDS 51 Alma. She said she was going to give 'em a lesson on old maids. (With a long breath.) Well, I don't think I'd mind being her kind of an old maid! (There is a loud knock at the street door.) Aunt Amanda. That may be Mrs. Bemus. I'll go. (She crosses to door and opens it.) Why no; it's Henry. Come right on in, Henry. We thought it might be Mrs. ^^"^^«- Henry enters. Aunt Amanda. You see, you're the first man. (Henry looks around, grinning, then removes his ^«*-) Henry. (Grandly.) 'Evening, ladies. Your most devoted. Aunt Amanda. Let me take your hat. I'll put it back here. (He hands it to her and she takes it back to the counter.) I think I'll take all these things back to my settin' room. (She starts to gather up the various hats and cloaks. The other women, without much enthusiasm, nod a greeting at Henry from wherever they happen to be. Henry walks to Alma.) Alma. Hello, Henry. (Evading him.) Wait, Mrs. Chase, I'll help you. (Goes up and helps Aunt Amanda. They get the things together and both exit rear.) Miranda. (Seating herself, speaks casually, and as if to a child. ) Find a chair, Henry. 52 OLD MAIDS randy ? Henry. (Sitting.) Where's the visitor? Emma. Dressin', I guess. Henry. (Complacently.) Dolling up to show us men what New York's like. Sarah. (Ignoring him; to Miranda.) Have you got that new crochet pattern yet, Mi- Miranda. Yes; got it this afternoon. (Sarah pulls her chair close and the two converse in dumb show.) Henry. (Quite unconscious he is being snubbed, addresses Abby.) Where's the otlier men ? Abby. (Pertly.) I dunno. Don't know as we need 'em, do we.^ Henry. (Still pleased, zvith himself.) Oh, yes. You couldn't get along without 'em. Emma. I wouldn't be too sure of that, Henry. Abby. (To Emma.) I found a new receipt for currant jam, Emma. Emma. Did you.^ Have you tried it.? OLD MAIDS 53 Alma and Aunt Amanda re-enter. Emma and Abby converse in dumb show. Henry. (Rising and going to Alma.) Why didn't you wait for me to come for you? Alma. (Indifferently.) I didn't know you expected me to. Henry. Expected you! (To Aunt Amanda.) Now, Mis' Chase, I leave it to you. Ain't that the limit.? (To Alma.) Of course, you'd oughter wait. What are we engaged for, I'd like to know.? (Alma shrugs petu- lantly and turns away. Henry turns C. and com- placently surveys the chatting women who are pay- ing no attention. To Aunt Amanda in stage whis- per.) Where's the other old hens? Aunt Amanda. (Indignantly.) Henry ! Henry. (Honestly surprised.) Well, what's the matter? (A knock at the door. Aunt Amanda crosses and opens it.) Aunt Amanda. (Opening it.) Mrs. Bemus, we was wonderin' where you was. And Mr. Bemus. Do come in. Why, how do, Jed? Come right on in. Enter Mrs. Bemus, followed by Mr. Bemus. He is a farmer ''slicked up'" for the evening. Jed fol- lows them in. . a ...^» Aunt Amanda. Let me take your things. 54 OLD MAIDS Mrs. Bemus. {Removing her wrap and hat and giving them to Aunt Amanda.) We met Jed as we came along. Bemus. Thought I might see Chris Bellows. Is he comin'.'^ {Hands his hat to Aunt Amanda.) Aunt Amanda. Yes, I guess he is. Here's Alma. She said he was comin' later. (Alma comes across to the group.) Jed. {Handing his hat to Aunt Amanda.) How do, Alma. And, of course, here's Henry. (Aunt Amanda takes things out at door rear. The four women rise and greet Mrs. Bemus. They merely nod at the two men.) Mrs. Bemus. {Anxiously.) Has she come yet.^^ . •^ Abby. {Eagerly.) Yes, indeed. She got here early. And you'd ouffht to see — ^ Miranda. {Nudging her to keep silent. Speaks to Mrs. Bemus.) Yes. Slie's a very pleasant person. Just went to fix something. ,, ^ ^ Mrs. Bemus. I tried to git here earlier, but Willyum wanted me to wait till he finished his paper. Emma. {Smiling.) Well, we didn't have husbands to keep us waitin', so we got here early. OLD MAIDS 55 Mrs. Bemus. (Bridling up.) Oh, I ain't complainin' at havin' a husband; it's better than havin' none at all. Perhaps. ^mma. Aunt Amanda re-enters. The women converse in dumb show. Miranda. {Aside to Abby.) Don't tell Hitty Bemus anything. She'll be sure to tell that Willyum of hers. Abby. I wasn't goin' to tell. Miranda. Yes, you was, till I stopped you. I don't want this plan spoilt, whatever it is. {They join group. Knock at door.) ^^^^ Amanda. {Going to open it.) Oh, it's you, Chris. Willyum Benms was askin' for you. Enter Chris. He is followed by Jasper Elwood, a good-looking, well-groomed New York man of twenty-eight. All show interest and surprise at the sight of a stranger. ^ Evening, Mrs. Chase. I brought extra company along. Hope 3^ou don't mind. This is Jasper El- wood, who came to see me on business tonight. He said he'd met your niece. Miss Brown, in NeAV York, so I asked him to come. Aunt Amanda. I'm right glad you did. Glad to meet you, Mr. Elwood. Do let me have your hats. 56 OLD MAIDS Elwood. Thanks, Mrs. Chase. {He and Chris hand her their hats.) . Aunt Amanda. You introduce him, Chris, whilst I take these. {She exits with hats rear door.) Chris. Ahna, come here. This is mj daughter, Jasper. Elwood. So glad to know you. Miss Bellows. {He shows real pleasure.) a^,c» '- ^ ALMA. {Fascinated, murmurs.) Glad to meet you, Mr. Elwood. Chris. This is Mrs. Bcmus and Mr. Bemus. {He indi- cated them in turn as they all acknowledge the in- troduction.) Miss Purcell, Miss Stone, Miss Nelson, Miss Snyder. This is Jed Hopkins, our postmaster, and this is Henry Perkins. Henry. {Coining up perkily and standing beside Al:\ia.) How do, Mr. Elwood. What do you think of Kipp's Falls .^ {He takes Alma's arm.) Alma. {Jerking away.) How can he tell when he didn't get here till after ^""'-^^ Henry. {Winking, as one sport to another.) She pretends she don't like to be touched — in pub- lie, that is. A^^^ ( Furious. ) Henry! {She turns up stage.) OLD MAIDS 57 Henry. ( Grinning. ) Ain't women the limit? Now, don't be mad, Alma. {He turns to follow her.) Chris. {Stopping him.) Oh, let her alone awhile, Henrj. {To Elwood.) You see, Henry and Alma — Alma. {Instantly interrupting.) Oh, we've known each other since we were children, Mr. Elwood. ^ I see. {He crosses to her. They talk.) Henry. {To Chris.) We'll, I'll be- Chris. {Langhs.) Oh, you'll get used to her. Henry. {Sulkily.) Mebbe — if I try hard enough. But I ain't goin' to let her make a fool outer me. Chris. Oh, no. I'm sure she won't try to do that. Henry. {Darkly.) Well, she'd better not. {He and Chris are down L. Alma is up R. C, talking with Elwood. Jed and Bemus, after their introduction to Elwood, drift up toward the win- dow, where they stand talking. The four ''old maids'* are grouped near the P. O. Mrs. Bf.mus, 58 OLD MAIDS after Jed and Bemus go up, stands an instant near Alma and Elwood. All of these movements take place inconspicuously during the little scene between Henry a7id Chris. As Henry finishes his last line Mrs. Bemus comes to them.) Mrs. Bemus. Well, Henry, I been tellin' Willyum 'bout you and Alma. He was terrible pleased. Henry. {Brightens up.) Yes, Mr. Bemus is a good friend of mine. Mrs. Bemus. {To Chris.) And he likes Alma, too. It's so excitin' to have anyone engaged. It seems like years and years. Not since Nellie Smithkins married that drummer feller. You remember.'^ Chris. Yes. William wanted to see me, didn't he.^^ I'll find him now. {He goes up and joins Jed and Be- mus. As he reaches them the rear door opens.) Aunt Amanda enters. Aunt Amanda. Here's Caselda. {She seems excited, and, after this announcement, crosses down to the women near the P. O., where they stand watching developments.) Caselda comes in through the doorway and pauses an instant for the full effect to sink in. She is dressed as nearly as possible like the so-called ** typ- ical old maid,'' the chief feature of which, in this case, is her hair, now parted in the middle, dragged into a tight knot at the back with a high old-fash- ioned comb. She wears glasses. Just as her usual OLD MAIDS 59 clothes are in marked contrast to the old-fashioned garments of Kipps Falls, so now her disguise is as grotesque in its contrast in the opposite direction. The nearer she looks like a comic valentine, the better.) Elwood. (Aside to Alma.) That's not— . Alma. Sh! ^ Caselda. (With a giggle and curtsy.) Good evening, everybody. (She looks around.) Mercy sakes ! See all the men. Oh, dear me! Elwood. (Going up to her.) How do you do, Miss Brown .^ Caselda. (Gasps, forgets herself and speaks in her natural voice.) Mr. Elwood! (Then she recovers.) My land! Think of your being way out here. However did you do it? (She frowns at him, aside. Grinning he re- turns to Alma.) Auntie, do introduce me to all of the men. I'm so scared ! (She speaks coyly.) (Aunt Amanda goes to her. They are near C. Alma and Elwood laugh quietly together as Alma explains in dumb show. The four women watch with much amusement hut remain in their places. Jed and Bemus exchange a glance of derision. Chris moves down and rejoins Henry and Mrs. Bemus.) Henry. (Aside to Chris and jNIrs. Bemus.) Another one of 'em ! 60 • OLD MAIDS Chris. (Slowly.) Only worse! ^, _, IMrs. Uemus. From New York! Humph! (She sniffs.) Aunt Amanda. Caselda, here's our postmaster, Jed Hopkins. Caselda. (Rapturously.) The postmaster! (She clasps hands romantically.) Oh, to think of all the wonderful secrets passing- through jour hands, the fate of hundreds of lovers ! The dear creatures ! ^ Jed. (In matter-of-fact tones.) Two mails a day, east and west bound, 'bout five letters a week. Rest is all catalogues and papers. Caselda. (Disappointed.) Really? How sad. Aunt Amanda. And this is William Bemus. Caselda. (Gushing.) Oh, I know. You're a farmer. I can tell by your looks. How thrilling! Bemus. (Stolidly.) Thanky, ma'am. Lots of us hereabouts. Nothin' thrillin' 'iDout it. ,, [Mrs. Bemus. (To Chris.) ]\Iv, ain't she silly ! OLD MAIDS 61 Henry. (Knowingly.) Oh, she's just hke most females of her age. Aunt Amanda. (Coming down C.) And this is Mrs. Bemus. Caselda. Wife of that sweet farmer ! How interesting ! And liow nice for you. __ _. Mrs. Bemus. Yes. He's a good husband. Caselda. (Mock sadness.) Oh, to think of liaving a husband — all one's very own! Oh, dear! (She sighs.) Aunt Amanda. (Suppressing a desire to laugh at C'aselda.) This is Mr. Chris Bellows, Caselda. Caselda. (With a little squeal of joy.) Oh, really? Oh, oh! I remember yoii. Don't you remember poor little me, when I was a teentsy, weentsy girl? Oh, say you do I Chris. (Cold politeness.) Yes, ma'am. There was a little girl I remember. Caselda. (Pretended emotion, hand on heart.) Oh, I knew you would remember ; I felt it here. Aunt Amanda. And here's Henry Perkins. He's engaged to Alma. _ Chris. My daughter, you know. 62 OLD MAIDS Caselda. {Long, solemn look at Henry till he grows rest- less under it. Then she speaks as if with breathless admiration.) Alma's fiance! To think of it. Just to think of it! Could anything be grander! Engaged to be married. Oh, you two dear things ! I must speak to Alma. Alma! {Turns and rushes up as if to embrace her. Puts her head down on Alma's shoulder as if over- come with emotion. Over Alma's shoulder she speaks, stage whisper, through her laughter, to Elwood.) You villain ! How dare you show up to spoil my party ! ^ -^ Alma. They'll hear you ! Aunt Amanda. Caselda ! ^ Caselda. {Lifting her head, wiping her eyes, as if to dry tears.) Yes, Auntie. I'm so emotional, but I've recovered now. (Alma and, Elwood turn aside to hide amuse- ment. Caselda moves down to group of women, who have been watching with fascinated amusement. Aunt Amanda comes with her.) Well, girls! Henry. {Aside to Chris.) Girls! Can you beat that.^^ Caselda. {Continuing.) Isn't it nice to have a party? Abby. {Giggles, unable to control herself.) Oh, Caselda! OLD MAIDS 63 Miranda. (Sternlt/.) Abb J Snyder! (Stage whisper.) Don't you dare spoil this show ! ^ Jl-MMA. (Trying to be natural.) Will you stay long in Kipp's Falls, Caselda? Caselda. ( Gushingly. ) Oh, I could stay forever in this lovely place. (The women show amusement. Aunt Amai^da exits, rear, taking Sarah. Mrs. Bemus walks up and joins Jed and Bemus.) ^^^^^ (To Henry.) What gets me is that the women seem so all-fired amused. Henry. (Carelessly.) Oh, they're always interested in themselves. Chris. I didn't say interested; I said amused. Henry. You mean that they think she's funny .'^ Well, so do I. It's a joke. Chris. (Reflectively.) Yes. I wonder ! (Henry shrugs; this is too deep for him; crosses to Alma and Elwood. Aunt Amanda and Sarah return, each carrying a tray with glasses of lemon- ade, six glasses on each tray. They pass these around during the next scenes, taking care not to interrupt any important conversation. This is a matter for the stage-director. The empty trays are 64 OLD MAIDS then left on the counter. Caselda does not take a ^'«**-) Henry. (To Elwood.) So you have 'em in New York, too, just like here. Elwood. Have what? Henry. (Motioning to Caselda and the women, thumb over his shoulder.) Them. _^ Elwood. ^^'I^^^- Henry. {Shrugging.) Oh, well, they're all alike. That's why Alma's so lucky. She ain't goin' to be an old maid. Elwood. {Looling meaningly at her.) No, I sliouldn't tliink she would. Caselda. {Up to them, tales Henry's arm.) Oh, dear JNIr. Perkins; your name is Perkins.^ Do come and talk to me. I'm sure the others won't mind. Will you, dear Alma.^ Alma. {Heartily.) Not a bit! Henry. {As Caselda draws him away.) What d'yer wanter talk about.? Caselda. Oh, most anything. I just dote on talking to you men. (Chris sidesteps her. He goes to tray and leaves his empty glass, then joins group of women.) OLD MAIDS 65 Chris. (To Emma.) She doesn't seem natural to me. Emma. Why.? ^ •^ Chris. Oh, she's worse than anything we've got here. Miranda. (Tartly.) What d'you mean — "anything we've got here".? Chris. (Embarrassed.) Oh, you know what 1 mean. I mean — I never saw anvthinff like her. „ -^ ^ Emma. Not even in Kipp's Falls? That's something. Will you take this? (She hands him her glass. He takes it. Abby, zeith a self-conscious giggle, hands him hers, and Miranda puts hers inside Abby's. He carries these glasses hack to the tray, then re- turns to look questioningly at Emma, who has never ordered him around before.) Alma. (To Ei^w^ooD.) See Pa playing the gallant ! Elavood. They asked him to. I heard them. Alma. (Pleased.) Then it's working already. They've waked up. Caselda. (Has been holding Henry's arm, flirting with him, while he sulkily endures it. She draws him toward L.) Now do let's sit down. (She notices Jed.) 66 OLD MAIDS Oh, dear Mr. Postmaster, won't you bring another chair? (She and Henry sit, Henry showing plainly his unwillingness. Jed reluctantly, with a look at the Bemuses, takes his glass up to the tray, then gets a chair and brings it to Caselda's other side.) Mrs. Bemus. {During this business and zchile Caselda and Henry are getting settled.) My, ain't she bold! Bemus. Oh, jest one o' them city hussies, I reckon. (Elwood, overhearing this, laughs aloud. All look at him.) Elwood. (Recovering himself.) Oh, I beg pardon. Just a little joke of Miss Bel- lows'. (Henry starts up.) Caselda. (Taking his arm and drawing hirn back. Speaks cooingly.) And are you a farmer, too, Mr. Perkins.'^ Jed. (Who has by now seated himself; speaks bluntly, but without a trace of sarcasm.) Takes brains to be a farmer. Caselda. (Innocently, to Henry.) And haven't you any brains.? Henry. (Angrily.) Who said so.? OLD MAIDS 67 Caselda. (Motioning to Jed.) Why he did ! j^^ (Sticking by his brother man.) Did not. ^, Caselda. (Standing up, with a squeal of preterided fear.) Now, please, please don't quarrel over me. I really must run away if you do. (She flutters over to the group where Chris is. They all chat. Caselda's back is toward C. of stage. Henry and Jed glare after her, then at each other. They separate, Jed to join the Bemuses, Henry to join Elwood and Alma.) Henry. (To Alma.) See here, Alma, I didn't come here to be sassed by an old maid even if she did come from New York. (Caselda turns and seeing Henry again with Alma, grabs Abby and draws her down R. a little.) Caselda. (Stage whisper, her own tone of voice.) Get him away, Abby ; flirt with him — anything. Abby. (Dazed.) Who? Caselda. (Impatiently.) Henry, of course. Hurry ! I want Alma to have a chance with that new man. Abby. Caselda. Yes. Do go before he has a chance to tell him 68 OLD MAIDS he's engaged to Alma. He brags abou*t it as if he wanted everyone to know the great favor he's done h*^'"- Abby. (With a giggle.) All right. {She goes to Henry. Caselda crosses to the Bemuses and Jed. As she approaches, Jed sidesteps to dodge her and crosses to Cheis, ivho joins him, leaving the group. Aunt Amanda follows Caselda.) Abby. {To Henry, during this business.) I forgot to ask jou, Henry; how's your Ma.^ Henry. ( Tu rning, sulhil/j. ) Ain't notliin' the matter witli Ma. (Abby takes Henry's arm and draws him a little to one side, Keeping him talking. He puts his glass on the tray as they get up stage. They sit. All through the following scejies, as Abby and Henry" talk in dumb shozc, during any pause in the action he tries to get away from her and she grabs him again to start talking. The remaining actors hold- ing glasses can return them to the trays when they are not engaged in the dialogue and then return to their positions, in such a manner as not to disturb any action or dialogue, and yet with seeming nat- uralness and spontaneity.) (Alma and Elwood are note 7iear C. a7id hold the stage. For the time no one is watching them, llie group of women, all seated, are chatting. Chris and Jed are standing up stage. Mr. and Mrs. Bsmus, Caselda and Aunt Amanda sit up R., near window, Caselda apparently holding forth, Mrs. Bemus OLD MAIDS 69 showing disapproval. Aunt Amanda amusementy and Mr. Bemus iiist looking stupid.) Alma. You knew her In New York.^ Elwood. Oh, yes. I've met her several times at the homes of different friends and at various parties — that sort of thing. She's very popular, you know ; goes about "^ ^^*- Alma. With men, too.? Elwood. {Laughing.) Of course. ^^^^^ And no one seems to mind her being an old maid.'^ El^vood. Never heard it mentioned, except to liear someone wonder how she had escaped so long. I always liked her. That's why I asked your father to bring me tonight. ^^^^^ But she's older than you are, isn't she? Elwood. Maybe. I don't know. Never thought about it. Alma. (Sighing.) Oh, dear ! Isn't that wonderful ! They think so much about ages here, especially a woman's. Why, when you get to be about thirty, they talk about it. They begin to expect you to dress and act a certain way — and, somehow, you do it. That's why she's dressed up like that. She said she wanted to show KIpp's Falls a thing or two. Elwood. She will. I'll bet on her. 70 OLD MAIDS Alma. (Hesitatingly.) Is anybody — in love with her — in the city? Elwood. {Smiling.) Anybody? Everybody. {Seriously.) I know what you mean. One can only guess about it in a big place, you know. She's never been engaged, however, to my knowledge. But she's independent, has a good income, and doesn't seem to care. (Caselda rises and beckons to Aunt Amanda, who comes to her down L.) Caselda, {To Aunt Amanda, in her own tones, referring to Alma and Elwood.) You see, there are other men. Aunt Amanda. {Pleased.) Oh, wouldn't it be fine ! Caselda. {Positively.) It would. Suppose you attract Chris Bellows' at- tention to them. {She joins Alma and Elwood, C.) (Aunt Amanda crosses behind them to Chris and Jed. In dumb shori\ while the conversation continues, she is seen to attract Chris' attention to his daugh- ter. He looks at the couple zcith interest.) ' Caselda. {In her own tones, to Alma and Elwood.) Well, children, how am I doing? Elwood. I'll tell the world, Miss Brown, you're a wonder. OLD MAIDS 71 Caselda. (Smiling.) That's something. Now, Alma, I think I'll talk to P^- Alma. (Gaihj.)^ All right. I dare you to flirt with him. Caselda. (Back to her assumed manner.) Dear me! Do you think I could .^ (She turns away. Alma and Elwood move slozdy down to the Bemuses. Caselda walks toward Bellows, as Aunt Amanda moves down to meet her. The two men continue to talk to each other.) You keep the post- master talking to you. Aunt Amanda. Yes, Caselda. (She turns back to Jed.) Caselda. (Coyly.) Mr. Bellows! ^ Chris. (Turning to her, hesitates, then comes forward.) ^ ^^' Caselda. (Gushingly.) Isn't it thrilling, meeting again like this, after all these years.? ^^^^^^ (Non-commitally.) It has been a long time. Caselda. And — I'm quite wild about your daughter, Mr. S^"«ws. Chris. (Carelessly.) Alma.? She's all right. 72 OLD MAIDS Caselda. And she's engaged — to that Perkins person? Chris. What's the matter with him? Caselda. {Incredulously.) Oh, do you Hke him ? I think he's quite too dread- ful. Oh, yes, really! ^^^^^ Indeed. ^ Caselda. {Confidentially, leaning closer.) I think Mr. Elwood is much nicer. Chris. Do you? {He looks toward Elwood and Alma.) I used to know his father. We were bunkies in Cuba ; Spanish- American War, you know. {He smiles.) Seems Hke a pleasant young man. Caselda. Oh he is. He's a very fine young man. Chris. You know him very well? Caselda. Oh, not very well, but I know about him. {Con- fidentially.) Do you know I think that — {motion- ing to them) — would be much more romantic — both good-looking and young, and all that, you know. Chris. ( Frowning. ) She's engaged to Henry. Caselda. {Airily.) Oh, engagements can be broken. OLD MAIDS 73 Chris. {Sternly.) We don't do it here. Caselda. No? Maybe you don't have many to break. (Aunt Amanda leaves Jed, who joins Henry and Abby.) Aunt Amanda. {Coming to Caselda.) What's broken? Caselda. Oh, we were speaking of Alma's engagement to that dreadful Henry Perkins. {She shrugs -flip- pantly.) But Mr. Bellows seems to think it's all right. {She turns up stage to the group where Henry is.) ^^^^ Amanda. {Pleased.) Is it broken.? ^hris. Say, what's the matter with you women.'' You act as if one could get engaged any day. I'm glad Alma's going to be married. Aunt Amanda. Yes, that's the trouble with this place; that's just Avhat Caselda said — {She stops suddenly, putting her hand over her mouth.) Chris. What did she say.? Aunt Amanda. {Hastily.) Oh, nothin' — nothin' at all. {The Bemttses come C. to her.) Bemus. We must be gettin' along, Mis' Chase — got to git up early this time o' year. Don't often stay up this 74 OLD xMAIDS late — but the missus was determined to see your ^^^^^- Mrs. Bemus. Ain't seen much of her ; she's been galHvantin' so with the men. Sh'd think she'd know, at her time o' life, 't ain't respectable. Aunt Amanda. Will you come while I git your things.^ Mrs. Bemus. Yes, Come, Willyum. {They go up and exit, rear door.) Chris. {Who has come down to Alma.) Hadn't 'we better be going .^ Elwood. I'll bring her along, Mr. Bellows, if it's all right. Chris. It's up to Henry. {He turns and exits rear door, after the Bemuses.) (Henry breaks away from Abby at last and comes down to Alma. Caselda notices this and follows them. She stands watching. Abby joins her friends. This other group, noting a disposition to break up the party, rise, chatting, and move up to the rear room, to get their things. Jed is last and remains in the rear doorway, half in, half out of the room.) Henry. {Angrily and aggressively.) Look here. Alma, you ain't treated me right at all, all evenin', and — {threateningly) — I don't have to stand it. Elwood. {To Alma.) What does he mean ? OLD MAIDS 75 Alma. {Annoyed.) Oh, he thinks he has some rights over me, because I was silly enough to let him think I'd marry him. Elwood. Marry him! ^t •^ Henry. I Hke that! Silly to marry me! Well, I'll take you home and we'll talk this over. Elwood. I told Mr. Bellows I'd bring Miss Alma home. I'm spending the night there. Alma. {Pleased.) ^h' Henry. {Truculently.) See here, you! Who're you, buttin' in like this where you ain't wanted? Alma. {Stamping her foot.) Henry Perkins! I won't have you talking like that. He isn't butting in — he's Pa's friend — {She looks at Elwood) — and mine. (Caselda, tmnoticed, looks pleased. Henry makes a move toward Elwood. Caselda grabs his arm and speaks, sweetly and coyly.) Caselda. Dear Mr. Perkins, Auntie and I have planned to have you take Miss Purcell and Miss Stone home. They live your way, don't they.? Henry. {Angrily.) I don't see what right anyone's got to figger my 76 OLD MAIDS time or what I'll do. I'm goin.' {Swings around and goes to rear doorway.) Jed. {Mildly.) What's your hurry, Henry .^^ Henry. {Shoving by him.) Lemme 'lone. {Exits into rear room. Jed fol- lows him in.) Caselda. {In natural tones.) I'm beginning to be sorry for him. You see, he's only really what a place, with more women than men, has made him. j^^^^^ {Indifferently.) Oh, he's not suffering. Caselda. Oh, no, only in his vanity. But when vanity is all you've got, it can hurt a lot. ( The people begin to come from rear room, Henry first, his hat already jammed down on his head. Alma and Elwood cross to R.) Caselda. {Sweetly, to Henry as he is moving to door.) I do hope you had a pleasant evening, Mr. Per- kins. And where are the ladies? Henry. {Not stopping.) Wait till I get a chance to talk this over with Mr. Bellows private. {Exits to street and slams door.) (Caselda laughs and turns to look at Alma and Elwood. The others come down, first the Bemuses, then Jed, all prepared for street. Aunt Amanda OLD MAIDS 77 comes with them. General good-nights are exchanged^ and the Bemuses and Jed go to the door. The Bemuses exit.) Caselda. {As Jed starts to follow.) Oh, Mr. Hopkins. {He turns hack.) Don't you men ever wait to escort the ladies? {He looks sheep- ''^^') Jed. {Turning his hat around in his hand.) Used ter. Kinder got out of the way of it. Caselda. Do walk home with Miss Purcell and Miss Stone. {Coyly.) It's such a romantic night. Jed {Shrugs.) 'Tain't far. I don't mind. (Miranda and Sarah come down and shake hands with Caselda.) Caselda. {Aside to them.) Come in tomorrow afternoon. I want to talk to y^^* Miranda and Sarah. {Together.) All right. {They exit to street, followed by Jed.) Chris. {Shaking hands with Aunt Amanda.) I'm taking these ladies, if Alma's all right. Alma. {From across the room.) I'm all right, Pa. {She leaves Elwood and goes out at rear door. Elwood comes C.) 78 OLD MAIDS Chris. (To Caselda.) Good night, Miss Brown. (To Emma and Abby.) Are you ready? ^^ Yes. Abby. (To Caselda, aside.) Did I do what you wanted? Caselda. You were fine. Come in tomorrow afternoon — tell Emma — I want to see you. • li. Abby. All right. (General good-nights, and Abby, Emma and Chris exity L. door.) ^ ^ Elw^ood. Well, Caselda Brown, I'll say you put it over. Caselda. (Naturally.) Mercy ! But it's been a strain. Even my hair hurts. (She pulls out the pins and gives it a shake around her face; takes off her glasses.) Alma re-enters, rear, ivith her cloak. Why, Miss Brown. (Alma laughs. Elwoqd goes to her and helps her with the cloak. He shakes hands with Aunt Amanda.) Elwood. Good-night, Mrs. Chase. Good-night, Miss Brown. I'll see you before I go. Caselda. When will that be? Elwood. I'd planned to go tomorrow. OLD MAIDS 79 Alma. (Disappointed.) Oh, must you? -^ ^ Elwood. I'm afraid so. (They start to the door. He opens it and waits.) Alma. (Turns to Caselda and kisses her suddenly.) I think you're a dear ! Caselda. You sec, dear child, how foolish it is to jump to one conclusion, when — (a nod toward Elwood) — there are others ! (Alma and Elwood exit.) Caselda. Well, Auntie darling. Let's go to bed. (She hugs her.) A,,^^, Amanda. (Laughing.) Why, Caselda ! How you did carry on ! Caselda. They sat up and took notice, didn't they.^^ Aunt Amanda. Indeed they did! (Patting her arm affection- ately.) But, they'd have done that anyway — with- out all this — (She gestures toward the costume.) Caselda. (Shrugs.) Oh, they'll see the real "me" tomorrow. That'll serve to drive it in even stronger. Auntie, don't you see.'^ If I'd come in looking — well, as I always like to look — it might have made your Kipp's Falls "old maids" look drabber than ever — just by contrast. 80 OLD MAIDS Aunt Amanda. (Nodding wisely.) I see ! Caselda. So I had to show them the comic valentine that every one of them has been unconsciously hanging on to, just to let them see liow ridiculous it is. At'nt Amanda. (Laughs.) It certainly was ridickerlous ! Caselda. Ridickerlous .'^ It is! And then some! Carry on.^ I did ! And I intend to ! Aunt Amanda. What, Caselda? Caselda. (Lifting her right hand, and with mock dramatic voice.) C a r r y o n ! (As the curtain is falling, she holds the attitude for an instant, then laughs, and, grabbing her aunty drags her, half r fuming, up stage.) Curtain. OLD MAIDS The Third Act. Scene: Alma's home, an evening two weeks later. A plainy old-fashioned room. There is an open- ing, leading to the entrance hall and stairs, in rear wall a little to the right of center. It is curtained hy portieres. A hat stand in the hall is visible whenever these are drazcn. In the left wall is a door leading to the dining-room. In right wall is a wide window, curtained icith lace curtains and portieres. A table with a cover is in upper right- hand corner between windoxv and door. It -also has a vase for flowers, and some magazines, etc. An upright piano is against rear ivall, left of door. Some other vases for floxcers are on top. There are some pictures on the walls, and the usual chairs scattered about. At Rise : Alivia, prettily dressed in something light and summery, is moving about the room, putting flowers in the vases and arranging things, singing softly to herself. She stops as if hearing a noise in the hallway rear. Goes to the portieres and looks off R. Alma. Oh, I'm so glad the train was on time. Chris. {In hall, hanging up his hat.) Yes, I got him all right. Chris enters through hangings. He is clean shaven and looks younger. 81 82 OLD MAIDS Chris. Come in a moment, Jasper. Enter Elwood from hall, holding his hat, and putting down his suitcase as he comes Into the room. Alma. .I'm so glad to see jou again. Elwood. {Holding her hand.) I was more than glad to be able to come. Chris. Come and I'll take you to your room. The others will be here soon. ^ Elwood. ( Turning reluctantly.) I'll be down again as soon as I can. {He picks up the suitcase and follows Chris of Into hallway and L. Alma looks after them through doorway, as if looking upstairs. Then she comes down stage, again humming happily. Goes to window and ar- ranges curtains.) Chris re-enters from hallway. Chris. ( Looking around. ) Flowers do make a difference, don't they.^^ Alma. Yes. Caselda and I got these this afternoon. Chris. {Musingly.) Caselda ! Funny ! You never would have thought of calling any of the others by their first names. Alma. {Laughs.) No, that's right. They all seemed too old. OLD MAIDS 83 Chris. (Going to a chair and sitting.) Don't seem so old now. Alma. ( Enthusiastically. ) No ! Isn't it wonderful ! Chris. How'd she do it.? . Alma. Oh, she just talked to 'em. And do you know, she went about it differently. You're always reading about women being advised to make themselves at- tractive and all that sort of thing, as if that was all — not a word about their minds. Chris. Has she been cultivating their minds.? Alma. I didn't mean that — that is — not the way you mean. But — well, while she did give all of us points about looks and all that, I think the biggest thing she made them change — was — she called it, their mental attitude toward themselves — and the men. Chris. (As if to himself.) So that accounts for it. Alma. For what. Fa? ^ Chris. Never mind. Something just crossed my mind. Go on. You were talking of mental attitudes. Alma. Yes. She talked about women realizing they were just as important — or could be — as men. And that just because they hadn't a lot of attentions didn't 84 OLD MAIDS mean tliat tliey had to act — or think — Hke blighted beinejs. Chris. I see. . . Alma. She said — there were always a certain number of men who nmuldn't marry, and as a natural conse- quence, every man wlio won't means a woman who can't. ^ Chris. Guess that's true. , Alma. And then she said it was just plain silly for those women to let other people look on them as unhappy or disappointed, and as if tliey were just crazy to have what they hadn't got. So the best way was to go ahead as if men were just people, and find some- thing to do. Get busy. Chris. {Lazily.) Sounds energetic. "^ Alma. {Seriously.) But the most important thing she said was that a woman had better stay single forever, rather than deliberately do— wliat we were planning to let me do. Chris. {Alert.) What's that.^ {He gives this line, not as if asking what the thing is, but as if he had not heard — with an upward inflection.) Alma. Planning to marry a man like Henry. I'm going to break it off. Pa. ^ Chris. {Shrewdly.) Jasper Elwood got anything to do with that.? OLD MAIDS 85 Alma. (Slowli^.) I — don't — think — so. I mean — I'd do it anyway. If I can be like Caselda Brown at forty, and single, I'm not afraid of even this old place. Chris. (Rising, as if thinking, and crossing to table. Picks up a magazine and pretends to be interested. Alma goes to the piano and arranges things. Brief pause. ) I suppose — Miss Emma — has been absorbing a lot of this. . Alma. (Turning to face him.) Miss Emma.? Oh, yes, of course — though I think she needed it less than the others — except her dress- ing. She never seemed bothered much about being called an old maid. (Teasingly.) Think a lot of her, don't vou. Pa ? '' Chris. (Clears his throat.) H'm — well — we've always been just good friends. I just never happened to think about it much. But your friend Caselda's started a whole bunch of things. You never can tell. Alma. ( Laughing. ) And Miss Miranda — who always seemed to be pre- tending to hate men — well, it was real. I don't mean hating 'em, but just not caring at all. And now — she seems to sort of feel herself justified. And now that Jed's making eyes at her — Chris. (Interrupting.) Jed ! Good gracious ! 86 OLD MAIDS Alma. ( Laughing. ) It's too funny, Pa. „ l^HRIS. {Looking out xdndow.) I think that's Henry coming up the path. Alma. {Hastily.) Oh, I must see him alone. Do go upstairs, Pa, and keep Mr. Elwoocl for just a few minutes. Chris. All right. I'll sneak. Alma. Pa, I don't believe you like Hen any more than I do. {A hell rings.) q^^^^ { Grinning. ) Can't say I do. {He exits quickly, into hall and L. Alma follows and turns R. Her voice and Henry's are heard off- stage). Henry and Alma enter. Henry is just as in the Second Act, with the same complacent, self -satisfied superiority. He precedes Alma into the room. Henry. That feller Elwood come 3'et.^ Alma. Yes, Pa met him. Came last train. Henry. Where is he.'^ . Alma. Oh, he's upstairs. Be down in a few minutes. Henry. {Going to her and trying to put his arm around her.) My, Alma, you look awful nice. OLD MAIDS 87 Alma. {Freeing herself.) Oh, Henry, don't ! I've told you — Henry. ( Grinning. ) Yeh! You told me! S'pose I'm listening? Women never know their own minds anyway. (He tries «^«^^-) Alma. (Impatiently.) Henry, stop it ! I do7i't want to say anything horrid, but you'll make me. Henry. (Approvingly.) That's it. I always like 'em with a little snap to 'em. Makes 'em more worth taming. Alma. (Gasps.) What! (Then turning away with a shrug.) Oh, you're impossible ! (The hell rings.) I must answer it. Maggie is fussing in the kitchen and I told her I'd attend to the door. (She exits rear and R. Henry wanders around sniffing at the flowers. Voices off', Alma, Mr. and Mrs. Bemus.) Go right in, Mr. Bemus. Henry's in there. We'll be right in. Enter Mr. Bemus. Alma and Mrs. Bemus cross in hallway from R. to L. Mrs. Bemus has on hat and coat. _, Bemus. Hello, Henry. How are you.^ Henry. Oh, same's usual. Same as usual. ^, ,, , Bemus. That's good. 88 OLD MAIDS Henry. How's the missus? ^ Bemus. All right. Went to take her hat off. Alma enters. Bemus. Seems to me we're gettin' gay these days. Two parties in a fortnight. Some doin's. Alma. Well, two strangers in town ought to account for it. T» Bemus. Two? Alma. Yes. Miss Brown — and Mr. Elwood. Enter Mrs. Bemus, minus her wrap and hat. She is dressed as in the Second Act. Bemus. Oh, yes. I was forgettin' that young feller. Henry. (Derisively.) Oh, ho ! He'd like to know he was forgotten. Mrs. Bemus. How do, Henry. (Mr. Bemus starts walking around looking at pic- tures, etc., his hands under his coat-tails.) Henry. How do, Mrs. Bemus. {Looking at her approv- ingly.) Well, you don't seem to have gone crazy like the rest of the women. Bemus. {Speaking to them over his shoulder, in matter-of- fact tones.) Wouldn't let her. OLD MAIDS 89 Alma. You wouldn't. _, „ Mrs. iJEMus. I think it's positively indecent the way that woman from New York has turned this town topsy-turvy. Henry. That's riffht. ^ Alma. Topsy-turvy! What do you mean.'* Mrs. Bemus. Well — all them old maids, that used to be so nice — and modest — and — sort of respectful to us married women — has begun to act as if they had husbands — quite uppity-like. Alma. (Reflectively.) Yes, I suppose they did have that attitude of — re- spect. I hadn't thought of it. Mrs. Bemus. Well, I don't approve of their independence about it at all. 'Tain't modest. Alma. (Smiling.) I suppose it does take something out of the spice of being married not to be able to be superior about it. ,r T» Mrs. Bemus. (Suspiciously.) What do you mean? Henry. (Grinning.) Oh, Alma's trying to pretend she likes this "bach- elor maid" business. 90 OLD MAIDS Mrs. Bemus. (Sniffing,) Bachelor maid ! Well, in my day we called 'em old maids, and old maids they staid. Alma. Yes — everybody saw to that! (Bell rings.) I'll go. (Exits rear and R.) Mrs. Bemus. Henry, I think she needs watching. Alma, Caselda and Aunt Amanda cross in hall- way, R. to L. „ Bemus. Sh! There's Miss Brown now. Henry. ( Complacently. ) Oh, Alma's all right. She'll come 'round. Been trying to make me believe she don't want to git mar- ried. But I know women. Mrs. Bemus. Well, everything in this town's changed. Where's Mr. Bellows tonight.? Henry. (Indifferently.) Guess he's with tins feller Elwood, Bemus. Seems ter me they take their time comin'. Henry. Oh, he's probably fixin' up to look pretty. Re-enter Alma. Aunt Amanda and Caselda fol- low. Aunt Ai^ianda's hair is hecomingly and softly arranged. She zvears a light gray or lavender dress of laxvn or silk, and looks very sxveet. Caselda has OLD MAIDS 91 on a pretty summer dress, which is smart without beinsr elaborate. Henry. (Going to them airily — as a member of the family.) How do, Mis' Chase. How do, Miss Brown. (Alma looks annoyed, and turns away. Henry chats with Aunt Amanda and Caselda. Alma joins the Bemuses as Mr. Bemus is answering his wife, in the following dialogue.) Mrs. Bemus. {Aside to Mr. Bemus.) Jest look the way she's got Mis' Chase all fixed "P ' Bemus. {Dubiously.) I think she looks real nice. Mrs. Bemus. {Sniffing.) Nice! I don't think it's proper at her age! Alma. Why shouldn't she look nice, at any age.^^ {She turns back to Caselda.) (Aunt Amanda and Henry cross her and join the Bemuses.) ^^^^ Come here, Caselda, I want to show you some- thing. (Caselda and Alma walk a little R. as if to examine some flowers. Mrs. Bemus frequently eyes Aunt Amanda's hair and dress with disapproval.) Oh, Caselda, he did come ! Caselda. Why, of course. Had you any doubt .^^ Alma. {Laughing nervously.) Well, you know — I was almost afraid to hope he would come, but he's here now — upstairs. 92 OLD MAIDS Caselda. I'm very glad, dear. (Looking at the others.) Henry doesn't seem disturbed. Alma. Henry ! Nothing penetrates his self-satisfaction. (Caselda laughs.) To think that I could ever have thoufi^ht it possible. ^ ^ ^ Caselda. He thought he was conferring a favor — keeping you out of the old-maid class. Alma. Well, he's going to take his favor back — / don't want it. r^ Caselda. Think you can make him see it? Alma. He's got to. (Bell rings.) Wait. I must answer it. (She goes up and exits rear and /?., zvhile Caselda walks to group.) Caselda. (To Henry.) Alma says Mr. Elwood has arrived. How is he? Henry. Ain't seen him yet. (With deep scorn.) I bet he even stopped to take a bath. Caselda. (Amused.) You don't say ! j^^^^ (Speaks off-stage.) Go right on in, Mr. Hopkins. You know every- one. Enter Jed. He is a trifle more ''finicky'' in ap- pearance than in the Second Act. Alma, jNIiranda and Sarah cross in hallway from R. to L. OLD MAIDS 93 Jed. Evening, folks. Aunt Amanda. How do, Jed. My, don't you look fine. (Jed looks sheepishly pleased.) Mrs. Bemus. (Sniffs.) I dunno what's come over everybody. (Jed and Mr. Bemus shake hands while Caselda, after a nod to Jed, continues to talk with Henry.) Caselda. You seem rather peeved with Mr. Elwood ! Henry. Peeved? Naw ! Them city guys just make me tired, that's all. Re-enter Alma, with Miranda and Sarah. Both women are dressed in appropriate and attractive summer muslin or silk, with hair becomingly ar- ranged. They look nearer Caselda's age now, though as the time has been short they have not yet acquired her natural manner of youth and self -con- fidence. Noticing their appearance, Mrs. Bemus turns and speaks, in dumb show, to her husband, with apparent disapproval. Jed moves up toward Mir- anda. Aunt Amanda turns to Caselda. Henry joi7is the Bemuses. (Note: It is to be remembered, in staging these arrivals, that these people see each other practically every day, so, with the exception of Elwood, they are more casual than they would be in more formal circles.) ^ ^ Caselda. Hello, girls ! How nice you look ! 94 OLD MAIDS Henry. (Derisively, to Mrs. Bemus.) Girls! D'ye get that? Miranda. (With a sigh, to Caselda.) Still, it does take time to fuss. * Worth it, though. (He and Miranda speak to Aunt Amanda.) Sarah. (To Caselda and Alma.) Is mv hair right? Caselda. (Putting her hand up to Sarah's hair and pushing in a hair pin.) There! Yes, it looks lovely. Alma. (Looking at Miranda and Jed.) Funny, isn't it? I don't think he's ever looked at her before. ^ Caselda. Well, he's looking at her now, certainly. Sarah. And do you know, it just worries her most to death. (Aunt Amanda joins them. Sarah speaks to her.) Did things go all right after I left today? Aunt Amanda. Oh, yes. (To Alma.) It's just wonderful the change Caselda's made in the store. And now that I'm going to have Sarah there — Alma. (Interrupting.) Oh, won't that be fine! OLD MAIDS 95 Sarah. Yes. Caselda thinks I can do something with my crocheting, now that she's taught me that new filet work. Enter Chris and Elwood from hallway. Chris. Good-evening, everybody. I'm sorry not to have been in sooner. You all met Mr. Elwood when he was here before, didn't you.^ (General greetings, as Elwood goes the rounds, shaking hands. He ends up with Alma and Caselda while Henry watches. Chris joins the others.) Elwood. {^To Caselda.) I see you won. Alma. They do look better, don't they? Elw^ood. Never would have known 'em. Chris. {To Sarah.) Where's Miss Nelson? Caselda. {Aside to Alma.) Hear that? ^^^^ {Smiling.) It's not the first time, either. {Bell rings.) Ex- ^^s^ "^^- Chris. {Quickie/.) I'll go. {Exits rear and R.) Alma. {To Caselda and Elwood.) I'll have to go to help them with their wraps. 96 OLD MAIDS (Chris crosses rear with Emma and Abby. Alma goes up and off, L., zMle Chris returns at once.) Elwood. Well, Miss Brown, your little joke of a fortnight ago seems to have borne fruit. What happened when they found out? Caselda. (Laughs,) They were much too astonished to be polite, and Mrs. Bemus was furious. Elwood. What.? Caselda. Yes. She seems to resent my not being what I looked that niejht. „ ^ Elwood. And the others? ^, Laselda. From the results I should say it set them thinking. Re-enter Alma with Emma and Abby. The same changes noted in the others have taken place here. The greetings are again general, Chris being the first to greet them, and staying around as they come down. ^ Emma. {To Elwood, when he is reached in their greeting.) So you've come back to Kipp's Falls. Folks don't often do that. „ Elwood. I wonder why. Strikes me as being a pretty nice place. ^ ^ Chris. I think it is. (Chris, Emma and Abby join a group composed of Alma and Henry. Aunt Amanda, Jed, Miranda, Sarah and the Bemuses compose another group.) OLD MAIDS 97 Elwood. (To Caselda.) You spoke of results. Are there others besides the general appearance of things? Caselda. Yes, indeed. They have discovered the great pan- acea — work that pays. And independence ha« made them— Elwood. (As if continuing her sentence.) Independent of us.^ Caselda. (Laughs.) In a way, I suppose. However, in this town it's a good thing. (Alma and Henry come down and join them.) Elwood. (To Caselda, as the others join them.) I believe you. . -^ Alma. What do you believe.^ Elwood. That independence for women is a good thing in this town. TT Henry. Think so, do you? Well, guess again. Things were a whole lot better in this place before all the old hens ffot ideas. Alma. Yes, it's too bad. It took away some of T^our im- portance. Caselda. (With gentle sarcasm.) Could that be done? Henry. Men are meant to be superior, and I'll prove it. You think they're independent. Well, just watch 98 OLD MAIDS me. Miss Abby never could resist any kind of a man. I'll show you right now. Alma. (Disgusted.) ^^ • Caselda. (Still gently.) You mean — you're going to fascinate her.'^ Elwood. ( Grinning. ) That'll be nice. ^x Henry. Yes ; riffht now. „ ° Caselda. ( With a look at Alma.) All right. ^ Elwood. Go to it. (Henry, pulling up his collar and arranging his tie, crosses to the group where Abby is. Caselda, Elwood and Alma watch. The other groups con- tinue talking, not noticing.) Henry. (To Abby, gallantly, as he draws out a chair.) Let's sit here. . Abby. (A trifle surprised, hut not excited, takes the chair while he draws up another one.) Why, did you want to talk to me? (Henry is seated so he is facing Caselda'* group, while Abby's chair is turned slightly so that she is facing front.) Henry. In a way. I thought you might like to talk to me. Abby. (Politely.) Oh, I don't miftd. OLD MAIDS 99 Henry. Of course not. . Abby. Well — anything in particular you want me to talk about ? T-r Henry. H'm — no — no ! Only just thought it'd be nicer for you to have a man to talk to. Abby. {Seems to get the idea.) Oh! Yes, it is — sometimes. Caselda. {To the other two.) Doesn't seem to be getting on very rapidly ! {They smile appreciatively.) Henry. Yes. {Looks up and notices the amused grins on the faces of the three who heard his boast. He pulls up, realizing he is not getting on so well. Then, with an 'Til show 'em'' air.) Having a grand time, ain't you, Miss Abby? x\BBY. Henry. I said, you're having a nice time, ain't you.'* Abby. {Puzzled.) Nice time.? Why, yes. Not excitin', though — just the same folks I saw 'most all day. Henry. {Fatuously.) You didn't see me today. Abby. Didn't I.? Lemme see. Mebbe I didn't. Not that it matters. I've been so awful busy I forget who I 100 OLD MAIDS do see, unless it's important. (The foregoing is not spoken with any rude intention. She is referring to her own plans and those people important to them.) Henry. I thought you old — I mean, I thought you never let a man ffet by. . ^ -^ Abby. A man! (She looks at him a moment, theri seems to ''catch on.'') Oh, you mean — you. (She laughs.) My gracious — Henry Perkins! (Laughs again.) I ain't thought of you or anybody else in this town for 'most a week. ^^ Henry. No? . Abby. No. Didn't you know.^ I'm goin' to New York. Henry. To New York.^ . Abby. Yes. With Caselda. Henry. Wiiat on earth for.^ Abby. It's all Caselda's idea. She talked it over with Miss Pike. -r^ Henry. The dressmaker? . Abby. Yes. I'm goin' to New York to study dress- makin' and designin'. I'm going to send designs and things to Miss Pike. We're goin' to be part- ners. I got a little money saved up — and this ain't a poor town. I think it'll pay. Henry. (Who has been gradually wilting.) Oh! OLD MAIDS 101 Abby. We'll be makin' Alma's weddin' dress accordin' to the latest New York fashions. {The three listeners cross to fhevi.) _, Henry, I can't make her say when it'll be. Abby. To you? Why, I tliought she was breakin' it off. Henry. Oh, she says so. . ^ A1.MA. And she means it. (Abby rises and joins Caselda and Elwood. Thei/ move a trifle up stage.) Henry. (Grabbing Alma's arm.) Oh, quit your fooling! Alma. I mean it, Henry Perkins. Oh, I know I'm not breaking your heart. You're too self-satisfied to have one. Henry. {Sneering.) Going to marry Elwood, perhaps. Alma. I don't know what that has to do with it. Chris. {Calling to her.) Oh, Alma! Isn't it about time for something to eat? . Alma. Yes, Pa. Will you come right back to the din- ing-room, everybody? You lead the way, Pa? 102 OLD MAIDS Chris. (Holding his arm out to Emma.) All right. Will you come, Miss Nelson? Emma. I do feel hunsrv. ^ ^ -^ Chris. That's good. (They edit through L. door, followed by the oth- ers, all chatting. The stage is empty an instant, while voices are heard laughing and talking off stage through this door, which is left open. Re-enter Mrs. Bemus, looking around as if for something. Does not find it and starts to door again, lohen she meets Caselda cominp' in.) ^ ^ ^ Caselda. (Closing the door. The voices stop.) Do you mind waiting just a moment, Mrs. Be- "^"•'•^ Mrs. Bemus. Did you want to speak to me.^ (They come down.) Caselda. Only for a moment. I hope you'll forgive me, but I could not help but notice how 3^ou have seemed to resent the change in some of the women here. And I wondered if you understood. Mrs. Bemus. Understood ! I think they've gone daffy ! Caselda. They seem happy, don't they.? Mrs. Bemus. (Sniffs.) H^PPy' Caselda. (With a little sternness.) Mrs. Bemus, I knew you didn't understand — and — (more kindly) I'm sure if you did — if you saw your OLD MAIDS 103 attitude, the attitude of a lot of married women, especially in small places, you would change it. Mrs. Bemus. (Restlessly.) Attitude? What d'ye mean? — attitude? Caselda. Toward the other women, the unmarried ones of your own age. jy^^g Bemus. (Stares.) I don't know what you mean. Caselda. I know you don't. And yet you married women arc often responsible for the situation I found my old friends in. You begin by looking down on them with a sort of contemptuous pity because they haven't annexed a man, and the men follow suit. You like the sense of the superiority it gives you — and your resentment over their happiness without husbands proves the point. You're losing something of your self-built throne. Mrs. Bemus. (Bewildered.) What? ^ Caselda. Oh, I know I'm talking over your head. I apolo- gize. But this you can understand; you begin to despise us a trifle too early. Mrs. Bemus. Too early? Caselda. (Smiling.) Yes. Wait till we're ninety. Now come back and eat. (Laughing, she goes out at door L., followed by Mrs. Bemus, shaking her head. They leave the 104 OLD MAIDS door open so that laughing and talking are heard again for a moment.) Enter Elwood. Looks around^ then turns and beckons. Enter Alma. Elwood. No one lierc. (Alma closes door. The voices stop. She and Elwood go C.) I don't want to wait till morning, and I've had no chance since I came. I hoped you'-d come to the train. Alma. {Shyly.) But — Pa would have been with me. Elwood. {Taking her hands.) You know why I came back. You had mj letter.? Alma. (Looks down.) ^^^^- Elwood. (Softly.) Did vou mind? Alma. (Hesitates, then whispers.) No. Elwood. Alma! (He takes her quickly in his arms. Some- one starts to open the door and the voices are heard. They jump apart quickly. Alma pretends to be in- terested at the piano, Elwood strolls to the zmi- doiiD. ) The rest of the party enter. Caselda goes to Alma, xvho whispers to her. They embrace, then cross to Elwood. The others break up into chat- ting groups. Jed keeps near Miranda, and Chris to Emma. OLD MAIDS 105 Caselda. Alma has told me. Congratulations, Jasper. Elwood. Thank you. Caselda. {To Alma, teasingly.) You see, Kipp's Falls isn't so bad. Elwood. {Heartily.) The women are all right. Caselda. You bet we are! ^ Elwood. {Teasingly.) Oh, you. You had to go out to get a husband, while Alma drew one all the way here. A little bird told me in New York. Caselda. {Laughing.) Right you are! ^^^^^ Caselda Brown! What does he mean.? Have you been married all this time.? Caselda. No, no! I'm a "quite on the level" old maid^as yet. Alma. {Joyfully.) Oh! But you're engaged! (Caselda nods hap- pily. Alma hugs her.) Long time.? Caselda. Few months before I came here. Alma. Where is he.? -^ Caselda. In Canada — on business. 106 OLD MAIDS Alma. New York man? „ Caselda. {Mysteriously.) That's where I met him. Alma. Where does he come from? Caselda. (Looks around, then whispers.) Kipp's Falls. Alma and Elwood. What? (Caselda nods.) Alma. You don't mean it! Do I know him? Caselda. Know old Judge Cogsworth? Alma. Yes. It isn't — ™ Caselda. His son, Dr. Cogsworth. Alma. (To Elwood, much interested.) He left here to take up research work at Rockefel- ler Institute — oh, when I was in mj teens. Caselda. (Laughing, to Elwood.) So you see Alma and I are even. She drew a man all the way from New York, while I drew one the same distance to New York from my old home town. Queer world, isn't it? Aunt Amanda. (From her group.) Caselda! Mrs. Bemus was askin' just when you're goin' back to New York. OLD MAIDS 107 Caselda. (Smiling, to Alma arid Elwood.) She would! (To the others.) Abby and I plan to leave day after tomorrow. Bemus. Oh, is Miss Abby goin'? Abby. Yes. Ain't that fine.? Caselda. (To Henry.) So you see, Mr. Perkins, Kipp's Falls will bo lack- ing two of its old maids. Jed. (Smirking at INIiranda.) Mebbe more. Miranda. (QuicHy.) Who says so.'^ j.^^^ (Flnsterecl.) Well, there's you and — (looking at Chris and Emma) Miss Nelson — and — (he glances toward ^^^^«)- Sarah. (Quickly interrupting.) You needn't look at me, Jed Hopkins. I'm safe. Jed. Oh, I dunno. There's Doc Whittle at the drug store — and — _ Sarah. (Severely, interrupting again.) That's enough for you, Jed Hopkins. I guess I ain't goin' to be botherin' with any o' them old ^«'^«^1«- Caselda. (Laughs.) That's right, Sally, old girl. (General smiles. 108 OLD AlAIDS except for a sniff from Mrs. Bemus.) There isn't any such animal as an old maid, anyway. She went out w^th the nineteenth century. ( With mock so- lemnity.) Peace to her ashes. Amen. {Teasingly, to Mrs. Bemi'S.) Eh, Mrs. Bemus? {General laugh as Mrs. Bemus sniffs for the last time,) Curtain. Betty's Last Bet BY Edith Ellis A FARCE-COMEDY in 3 acts; 5 males, 6 females. Time, 2i^ hours. Scene: 1 interior. CHARACTERS. Mrs. Darling ...Witli Four Great Problems I^itty Her Eldest Daughter Peggy Her Second Dolly '.V.'.'.'.V.V.'.'.'.".'.'.'. .' Her Third Betty Her Fourth Hannah A Man-hating Servant Richard Wentworth Their Wealthy Neighbor Percy Wentworth His Nephew and Ward Jack Van Loon Of the Historic Van Loons Hamilton Moriarity A Rising Young Legislator Edgar Darling A Student of Archaeology Betty's propensity for wagering keeps her in hot water, and her mother and sisters, too. Mrs. Darling is struggling bravely to promote matches for the other girls when Betty, expelled from boarding school, re- turns home disgraced but unabashed. And straight- way she makes her last bet— and her greatest one— with a likeable but unintroduced young man. He wa- gers that he can successfully impersonate a distant cousin, and get all the sisters engaged within twenty- four hours. Three kisses are the stakes. Betty's last bet incites an amazing train of complications, and when she loses the bet, she loses her heart as well. This author has a fine record of professional stage successes to her credit, and BETTY'S LAST BET is built from the same rich fund of lines and situations. Professional stage rights reserved and a royalty of twenty dollars required for amateur performance. Price, Per Copy, 50 Cents T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO Mary's Millions BY Frederick G. Johnson A RURAL COMEDY in 3 acts; 5 males, 6 females, extras optional. Time, 2 hours. Scenes: 1 interior, 1 exterior. CHARACTERS. Jack Henderson A Civil Engineer Jimmie Barnes His Friend from New York Ezra Stoneham The Village Storekeeper Abi ja Boggs A Human Flivver Victor de Selles An Imported Product Jane Stoneham Ezra's Better Half Eudora Smith The Stoneham's Hired Girl Lola de Selles Victor's Sister Mrs. Mudge Wedded to Her Ouija Board Betty Barlow.... A Country School Teacher Mary Manners An Heiress to Millions Members of the Choir. "When I go after a side partner, she's going to be a live-wire lady. No corn-fed beauties for mine." "Say — honest — is there anybody in this one-horse town that has a million dollars?" "I've read books, I have, about them slick rascals from the city." "Waitin' for the mail? Looks more like waitin' for the female." "More city folks, I'll bet a doughnut." "I believe in sperrits, but I ain't seen none sense the country went dry." "Stop scratchin'! Ain't you got no company manners?" "He looks like a head waiter and he talks like a bottle of seltzer." /'All foreign wild ani- mals looks alike to me." "The greatest doin's since the mill dam busted." "What's been swiped an' who done it?" "Any clues? No. all genuine pearls." "She has chain lightning slowed down like the rural free delivery." "I foller the deeductive method. I don't take no clues off no Fiji board!" "Boy, I sure do hate to take you, but I reckon I got to." "Funny what a difference just a few millions make." "The third degree trimmed with hayseed." "Eudory, you say the durndest things!" Professional stage rights reserved and a royalty of fifteen dollars required for amateur performance . Price, Per Copy, 50 Cents T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 South Wabash Avenue CHICAGO r Assisted By Sadie A BY Walter Ben Hare COMEDY of mystery, in 4 acts; 6 males, 6 females. Time, 2i^ hours. Scenes: 2 easy interiors. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Alonzo Dow The Mysterious Clubman Cameron The Clever Detective Bunch The Slangy Bellboy Dr. Beedle The Old Professor Colonel Jenniver The Puzzled Hotel Manager Mr. Null The Young Millionaire Sadie The Stenographer Harriet The Society Girl Senora Gonzales The Fascinator Mrs. C. Christopher Carley The Peppery Dowager Vicky , ... The Debutante Mrs. Quinn The Maid This is a swiftly moving ingenious comedy of adven- ture, sparkling with humor and replete with mystery. Excitement, laughter and a mounting tensity of emo- tion are blended with the charm of a delightful style. A $20,000 pearl necklace is stolen at a large seaside hotel. This is followed by other crimes until the detec- tives and incidentally the audience find themselves in a maze of intrigue and mystery from which they are not extricated until the final curtain and then only with the assistance of Sadie. Into the pervading comedy scenes are blended pathos, serious action and incident until the audience wonders what will happen next. The twelve characters are about equally bal- anced. Professional stage rights reserved and a royalty often dollars required for amateur performance. Price, Per Copy, 50 Cents. T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO Whose Little Bride Are You? BY Edith Ellis A FARCE Comedy, in 3 acts; 5 males, 5 females. Time, 2i^ hours. Scene: 1 handsomely furnished living room. This play was written by the author of "Mary Jane's Pa" and other nation-wide successes. CAST OF CHARACTERS. Dr. Benjamin Bellows. A Sentimental Retired Physician Algernon Clawhammer. . .His Prospective Son-In-Law Augustus May His Butler Simeon Singleton His Old Friend George Tobin His Prospective Step-Son Florence Bellows His Charming Daughter Mrs. MacEckron His Neighbor Dolly MacEckron Her Daughter Maggie Brady The Maid Mrs. Amelia Tobin The Bride-To-Be At the beginning one potential bride is visible; be- fore the final curtain tlie woods, so to speak, are full of them. The brides range in assortment from the little flapper not yet out of her teens, to the seasoned 200-pound campaigner who has worn the orange blos- soms no less than four times. Matrimonial pairing proceeds even to the butler and the housemaid. Mis- taken identity furnishes an unusual measure of com- plications until it actually becomes a problem as to whicli little bride is which, or who. Plot, situations and dialogue dovetail perfectly. The incidents are as humorous and rapid-fire as ever went into a play. It is especially adapted to amateurs, the parts being so vividly characterized and the action so continuous that the piece virtually carries itself. Professio7ial stage rights reserved and a royalty of fifteen dollars required for amateur performance . Price, Per Copy, 50 Cents T, S. Denison & Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO Plays for Schools and Colleges THE HIGH SCHOOL FRESHMAN By Charles Ulrlch. Comedy in 3 acts; 12 males. Time, 2 hours. Price, 25 Cents. THE KINGDOM OF HEARTS CONTENT By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; 6 males, 12 fe- males. Time, 2% hours. Price, 35 Cents. MACBETH A LA MODE By Walter Ben Hare. Burletta in 3 acts; 7 males, 7 females. Time, 1^/4 hours. Price, 25 Cents. MRS. TUBBS OF SHANTYTOWN By Walter Ben Hare. Comedy-drama In 3 acts; 4 males, 7 females. Time, 2^. hours. Price, 35 Cents. A POOR MARRIED MAN By Walter Ben Hare. Farce-comedy in 3 acts; 4 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. A PRAIRIE ROSE By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy-drama in 4 acts; 7 males, 4 females. Time, ZVz hours. Price, 35 Cents. THE REAL THING AFTER ALL By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; 7 males, 9 fe- males. Time, 2% hours. Price, 35 Ceni^i. RE-TAMING OF THE SHREW By John W. Postgate, Shakespearean travesty in 1 act; 6 males, 5 females. Time. 45 minutes. Price, 25 Cents. RUTH IN A RUSH By Lindsey Barbee. Comedy in 3 acts; S males, 7 fe- males. Time, 2^^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. SAVAGELAND By Walter Ben Hare. Musical comedy in 2 acts; 5 males, 5 females. Time, 2% hours. Price, 75 Cents. SING A SONG OF SENIORS By Lindsey Barbee. Comedietta; 7 females. Time, 30 minutes. Price, 26 Cents. STAR BRIGHT By Edith F. A. U. Painton. Comedy-drama In 3 acts; 6 males,. 5 females. Time, 2^^ hours. Price, 35 Cents. ZARAGUETA OR MONEY TALKS Translated from the Spanish by Clarence Stratton. Comedy in 2 acts; 7 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Price, 35 Cents. T. S. DenisoQ Sl Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO T-1021 t Denison's Acting Plays Our list comprises hundreds of titles — comedies, dramas, farces, vaudeville sketches, musical comedies and revues, minstrel material, little theatre playlets, etc. All shades of sentiment are rep- resented, and all varieties of talent, number of characters and time required In presentation are provided for in this list. Denlson's Acting Plays contain detailed description of stage business, characters, costumes, settings, and full instructions for staging. Popular Entertainment Books In this series are books touching every feature in the entertainment field; Dialogues for all ages. Speakers, Reci- tations, Monologues, Drills, Entertain- ments, suitable for all occasions; hand- books for home, school and church, etc. Over (sixty titles, each written by a specialist In his given line. The books are finely made, clear print, good paper, and each has a most attractive, individ- ual cover design. One of the best and most complete entertainment series published. Send for Complete Descriptive Catalogue T. S.Denison& Company, Publishers 623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO