7)f 3 f V /^ / I PR 3991 .fll V46 1809 I Copy 1 i< 5 Y ^ K,v ,iV .'-V.' '- vS V: V' ''A ^%^ ' V * X^i \ \ THE VILLAGE LAWYER : ^N TWO ACTS. Js performed at the NEW-YORK THEATRE. NEW-YORK: PUBLISHED BY D. LONGWORTH, At the Dramatic Repository, Shukspeare- Gallery. 1809; DRAMATIS PERSON^:. Scout, the village lawyer, SfJ^i^^a nch^ld mercer^ Charles, son to Snarly Justice M\[.\.\n\uSy a justice^ Countryman, Constables Sheepface, a shefiherdf Kate, wife to Sheep/ace, Mrs. Scout, the lawyer's wife, Li Mr. Harivood Mr. West^ Mr. Lindsley^'^ Mr Shafiter Mr, Chamben Mr. Tnvaits Miss White Mm, Oldmixon t3tP THE VILLAGE LAWYER. A C T I. 's to my dauirh- ter, or clients to myself Mankind is governed by show, and the surest way to obtain the countenance of the vvQvld is never to appear to want it. Could I but one e put on the appearance of business, the rea'itv perhaps would soon follow, let me see— % couKlr/t T — ves I have it — 1*1! cro, and purchase me a handsome suit of clothes immediately. Aat I] LAWYER Mrs. S. A handsome suit of clothes ! what, with- out a farthing in your pocket ? Scout. Why not ? — in London all your handsome suits are purchased the same way. What color shall I clioose ? bats-wing — or 3Irs. S. Oh no matter for the color if you can find any one kind enough to trust you with the clothes. Scout, Then to lose no time, I'll step over the Way to the rich drapers, my neighbor Snarl's. Mrs. S. To neighbor Snarl's ! have a caie what you do there. You know his son Charles is in love with our Harriet, and would have married her be- fore now, but for fear of his father ; I would not for the world you should do any thing to overthrow my daughter's hopes. Scout. Never fear, step in and fetch my liat and gown. \^exit mrs. S. I have just lime to slip it on ; it will give me a more creditable appearance before old Snarl, and these rags of mine into the bargain. alter mrs, scout, ivith goiun and hat. Ay, this will do. How many sleek, spruce, de- mure looking gowRs ;»rp. there in the world, as well as this, good for nothing else, but covering thir.s^s not fit to be seen. ^exeunt scene 11 — Snarl's shofu day -book ^fien and ink-, cloth on counter. enter snarl and chablfs. Snarl, Well son, I ordered you to inquire me A 2 ^ VILLAGE l^non. out a shepherd instead of that dog Sheepface ; didn*t I? Char. Why surely father, you have no fault to find with Sheepface. Snarl. No; only that he is a thief I an arrant thief ! C/iar. I always found Sheepface a very faithful servant. Snarl. I'o you he may, but not to me ; he has. been but a month in my service, and there are four-^ teen of my wethers missmg, now it is impossible so great a number in so short a time could die of the rot, as he says. Char. You dont consider what a havoc a disor-» der sometimes m-tkcs. Snarl. \\ iih the help of a doctor, I grant you, but my sheep had no doctor, poor things ! yet they could not have made more haste if they had beeu pri scribed for, by the whole faculty. As for that dog, Sheepface, I have suspected him for some- time ; but last night I caught him in the fact, and. this morning I mean to bring him before justice Mittimus ; but first of all, I must know exactly, whatV my loss. Reach me the account of the flock. (siCs doivnj And if neighbor Gripe, the con*^ stable mrjuires for me, send him this way. enter sheepface. Char, (aside to Sheepface) Sheepface, all's out I find, father's confoundedly angry, try what you can do to soften it, but beware of speaking, [exit Snarl, l^et me see ; — "bought of farmer Clod." Sheefi. Save your good worship, sweet master Snarl. Mt /} LAWYER Snarl. How, villain, have you liic impudence to appear m my sight, after the tricks you have played me. i>/ice/i. v)nly to tell your sweet worship, that neighbor Gripe has been talking to me about sheep- stealing, and justice Mittimus, and your worship, and a power of thin>^s, and so I said I wouldn*t make a secret of it to my good master's worship any longer. Smn'L Your affected innocence, shan't save you, you rascal ; didn't 1 catch you last night; killing one of the fattest of my wi^thers. S/iee/i. Only to keep it from dying. Snarl. Kill it, to keep it from dying t S/iee/i. Of the rot, an' please your worship. It's a secret I learnt frotn the doctor in our town. He cured most of his patients the same way. Snar^l. The doctor, rascal ! the doctor has a li- cense to kill from the college Such sheep as mine too — there was not in all England, such an^ other 'ireed for Spanish wool. S/iee/i Be satisfied your worship with the blows you gave me, and let's make up matters, if it's your worship's sweet will and pleasure. SnarL My will and pleasure is to hang you, ras- cal, to hang you. Sheefi. Consider, your worship,. I v/as marri.".d but yesterday,, leave me to myself a week or two, and who knows but I may save you the trouble. Snarl. No, rascal, the gallows is the quickest remedy of the two, and every bit as sure as t'other. Sheefi Heaven give you good luck of it then, if it must he so, sweet master Snarl, I must go look for a lawyer, I see, or might will overcom*; VILLAGE iA right Oh deaf, iiu)t an hom^st man biiouid be trtaled so, only ior killing a lew sheep to bave 'em from dying. L^'^f^ S/iarl. (sitting donvn) A dog I but he sh..ih pay for this. Let me set— -i wo, and two are four ■ enter scouT. Scout, The coast is clear at last— now or never. Snarl And sevtn— no, nine Scout, (aside) \onder»s a piece of cloth novr would buit mt to a hair Give me leave sir, to — . Snarl. VV ho's there ? Gripe 1 suppose. Wait a xnomtn', honest Cinpe. Scout. I am lawyer Scout, your neighbor 1 am come to Snarl. 1 am lawyer Scout, my neighbor's very liumble servant; but he and I have no business to^ gether, that I know of, — " carried over' — — Scout. You'll have another story to tell to-mor- row, or I'm much mistaken (aside) — I find sir, vipon looking over my late father s papers, an ac- count of a debt left unpaid, and 1 am come Snarl. It's no business of mine ; I ovve no man a fyrthing. Scouf. I wish I could say as much for myself; but find that my lather was indebted to yours in a sma'l balance of 50 pounds, and as a man of honor I am rome home to p;.y it you. Sna^l (rising) My dear sir, ten thousand pardor-.s, ibr my forgetfulness. I recollect you perfectly Kow. Yts, you lived in the next village, and you and I wu-e sworn comrades formerly. Pray sir, be 3tat'd, (har.dsa chair) Scout, Dear sir, if those who are indebted to mc. Act /] LAWYER had a little of my punctuality, i shoull be a richer man than I am, but to have my name in any one*s book is a thing I can't bear. Snarl, And yet the generality of people bear it very patiently. Scout. I am upon thorns in a manner, while I ©we one a farthing, and for that reason I am come to know when you'll be at leisure to receive the money. Snarl. No time like the present. Scout. True, I have it at home, ready told ; but as I have the management of my falhc's effects, only as guardian for my daughter Harriet- it's proper that the other guardians should be by at the payment. Snarl. Very true, sir, then what do you think of to-morrow at three o'clock ? Scout. With all my heart, but I have interrupt- ed you perhaps, f rises J Why sir, you do more business than all the shopkeepers in this part of the country put <^ogether. Sari. I can't complain. Scout. No, you have such a way with you, that those who buy once, can't for the blood of them, help coming to you again. A pretty bit of cloth this Snort. Very pretty. Scour One meets in your shop, such a gene- roS'ty of treatment, a politeness of behavior, that makes it pleasanter to pay money to you th ^n to peceive it elsewhere. The wool seems tolerably fine. Sr arl. Right Spanish wool every hair of it, sir. Scout. So I thought ; now we talk of Spanish 10 VILLAGE IMan, wool, ir I am not mistaken, mr. Snarl, you and I went to school together formerly. ^vurl What, to old Iron fist ? Scoui The same ; you were a very handsome youth 1 remember. !S7ia' I. So my nnother always said. Scout. Egad, for old acqu.'intance sake, yovi and ' must eat a bit of dinner together to-day. I. have a fine goose at homv, that a client sent me from Norfolk. Sna^'l Goose ! that's my favorite dish. Scout. And my wife shall dress it by a family; receipt. lt*s a treasure, that receipt's a perfect treisure. Her uncle, the late alderman Dump* lin^, p.ssed through the whole circle of corpora- tion honors, and died mayor by virtue of that re- ceipt Su'^rl. Ay ! ay ! Scout. Then mrs. Scout will be happy to see you now I think on't, I promised her, that you should have my custom for the future, and to, make a beginning I dont care if I have the pattern of a suit of clothe>- from you now. t- art Very happy to accommodate you, sirj what color would you choose ? Sr.j^t. Color I why here's a pretty one enough to my mind, sir. 5 r/. Very pretty indeed, sir ; it's an iron grey. Shall I cut off the quantity you want, to have it ready ? S(' lit. To have it ready ; no, mr. Snarl, pay as you go that's my rule ; pay as you go. S'arl. Ecod an excellent rule it is. ^out. 1^0 you remember, mr. Snarl, the eveU' Act f\ LAWYER U — ^ feg we were together at the goose and gridiron ? Snarl. What, the evening I so roasted our cu- rate. » Scout. The same ; you were very severe on him. Yoii had a world of wit. — Pray what must I pay you a yard for this cloth ? Sjiarl. Why, sir, another should pay me nine- teen and sixpence , but come* you shall have it at nineteen shillings— now I think of it. Here's your quantity ready cut. Scout. Ready cut — that's lucky indeed, (snatch* es ufi the cloth) Snarl. Stop a moment, till I measure it before you. Scout. O fie ! do you think 1 have any doubt of you. Snarl. But the price Scout. Poo, I never haggle with a friend ; I leave all that to you. Good day. ^ Snarl. Let my shopman carry it over, and blp^ back— — Scout. No, no, dont take him from business. It is but a step you know, and I'd carry it twice as far to oblige you Compliments to mrs. Snarl ; "—good bye to you, good bye. \_exit. Snarl ////Oii;s SCENE III— Scout's house, enter kate and shelpface. Kate, Lookye, if you want a lawyer to bring you out of a scrape, my master's the man for your money. Sheefi, I know it, he stood my friend once when brother and I were put to trouble ; — would you t»eUeve it only for mending the comple,%iojn ef A is VILLAGE iy4ndn, bald-faced horse — but 1 have such a treacherous xnemory, I dont know how it came about, but some how or other I forgot to pay him. Kate. He'll not think of that perhaps : at any rate take care not to tell him who the plaintiff is ; for I know he would not on any account be con- cerned against mr. Snarl. Sherp. I'll only tell him of my master, without mentioning any name ; and he'll think T n)eanthe farmer I lived with, when I courted you first. Kate. Do so, here he comes. lexis] enter scout. Scout, Sure I should know tlvat face, T think- yes, the same. Harkye, didn't 1 save you an< your brother from being hanged some time sinct at York. Shee/i. Yes, your worship, yes. Scout. By the same token, one of you forgot to HM. nie l/fhee/i. Yes, that was brother. Scout. The other was sick at the tibial, anSl died sometime after in prison. Sheefi That was not I. Scout. So I see. Sh^e/i. For all that I was sicker nor brother 1 and so as I was saying, I am come to beg of your worship to speak for me before the justice against his worship my n^aster Scout. What the great farmer in the neighbor- hood ? S/ieefi. He lives in the neighborhood sure enough, and your worship shall be paid to your heart's content. Scout. Let me hear your casej and be sure you telUt without disguise. Acl r\ LAWYER 13 Sheefi. You must know then, an' please your ■Worship, my master gives me but iittle wages, very small wages, indeed ; and so to make amends for that without doing him any damage, 1 thought as how I d best dd a little business on my account with a worthy neighbor, a butcher by trade. Scout. And what kind of business do you carry on ? ^^ Sheep. Under favor, I hinder sheep from dying of the rot. Scout. There's no harm in that ; how do yoa contrive ■ Sheefi. Please your worship, I cut their throats before they have time to catch it. Scout. A very efiectual remedy truly ; and youi^ master perhaps is unreasonable enough to say you do so only to sell the carcasses, and keep the money to yonjrself? Sheefi. Yes, your M'orship, and I can't bear it ouV of his head, because last night he saw me— I mean *^I — must I tell the truth I Scout. Yes, tell the truth here, or how shall wc be able to lie to any purpose elsew here. Sheep. The truth of the matter then is, that last night, alter I was married, havinp^ a little leisure time upon my hands, I took a walk as far as our pens, and there as I was musing on I dont know what ; — out I takes my knife, and so happening by mere accident to put it, craving your worship's pardon, under the throat of a fat wether, 1 dont know how it came about, but it was not long there before the wether died all of a sudden as a body may say. Scout. And there was somebody looking on, tie whole time, cU ! B 14 VILLAGE [^«ojf. Sheep. Yes master, from behind the hedge, and so he will have it that fourteen wethers, which I sav'd from catching the rot, died all along of me. And so as your worship may see, he laid such a shower of blows upon me as put the bride out of temper the whole night ;. but I hope your worship will stand my friend, and not let me lose the fruits ©f my honest industry all wlonce. Scout. I understand you ; %ere are two ways ol proceeding in this affair ; the first won't put you t< a farthing of expense. Sheep. Lei's try that by all means. Scout. With all my heart ; you have scrap'c up something handsome in the course of your prac- tice on your master's shee]). Sheep. Heaven knows I have been up late and early for it. Scout. Your savings are all in hard cash, I sup- pose. Sheep. Yes, your worship. Scout. You must hide the whole sum immediate- ly in the safest place you can think of. Sheep. That I will, without fail. Scout. Your master will be obliged to pay all costs and charges. Sheep. So he ought ; he can afford it. Scout. And without a penny out of your pocket. Sheep. Just as I would have it. Scout. He*ll be put to the trouble of having you hang'd. Sheep. Zounds, let us try the other way first. Scout. Well then you are to be brought before jastice Mittimus. --Shtep. So I am told. Jet III LAWYER 15 Scout. Take notice of this. S/iee/i. Never fear me. Scoia. To every question, ask'd yon, either by the court, the plaintiff, lawyer, or myself, make no reply but in the Iangua,8;e of your own e^ves when they call their lambs ; you can speak that language, can't you ? Sheefi. Its my mother tongue. Scout. The blows you have received on your head, have suggested a scheme which assisted by Mittimus's credulity may perhaps save you : but I expect to be well paid. Sheefi^ That you shall as I am an honest man ; ■good-day your worship. Lord, lord ! what troubles we poor folks have to keep our own in this world. Your servant your worship ; I shall remember — Baa, baa, baa. ^exit Scout. So if the contrivance I have thoupjht of to elude my neighbor's demand, does not succeed ; the money I get from this new client may stop his mouth perhaps. exit END OF THE FIRST ACT. ACT IL SCENE I — rural firosfieci. enter snakl. Snarl. This is a very husv dav with me ; I am to receive different sums of monev from mv worthy neighbor lawyer Scout and to eat a ?^oose wiih him, ^ress'd after a receipt of the late worshipful alder- 16 VILLAGE [Anott^ ■ y . ' - ' ■ ' . ' ■ ^ man Dumpling. Well, I always said the aldermen Avere a useful body of men. But suppose I call in to see how matters stand, by way of askini^ how he does ; here's a savory smell. Egad they have put down the goose already. VW go and have a sop in the pan. \^exil SCENE II — a room in Scout's house, enter scout and wife. Scout Quick, quick, old Snarl is coming up ; I hear him on the stairs. Now mind your cue, wife. Mrs. S. Never fear me ; Til be a good nurse, I warrant me. enter snaul. Scout, fin a chair as sick J Wi-f-e here's the apo-the-cary. Snarl. The apothecary ! Scout. He brinies me the cooling mixture. Snarl. The cooling mixture. Mrs. S. O dear sir, I hope you have brought something to give my poor husband a little ease. He has been in the condition you see this fortnight past. S'larl. This fortnight woman, why Mrs. S. Yes, this day fortnight, of all the good davs in the year, he was taken with a lunacy fit, and has not been out of the room since. Snarl. Zounds not out of the room ; why he came to mv house this morning by the same token he bou!):'^' f<^^ii' yards of iron grey cloth of me, and 1 am come for the money. Good morrow, mr. Seoul. Act 11} LAWYER i7 Scoui. Good luorrosv, good mr. Drench, Snarl. Mi. Drench Mrs. S He takes you for the apothecary sir, pray leave the room for heaven's sake, if you can give him no rehef. Snarl. But patience ; you remember mr. Scout, this morning Scout. Yes, this morning, I bid my wife lay by for you Snarl. Ay, I knew he would remember it. Scout. 1 bid her lay by for you carefully, a large glass full of my Snarl. A glass full ! I am come for my money. Zounds is that the coin I am to be paid in. Mrs. S. Dear sir, retire. Snarl. When I am paid, and not before. Scout, I beseech you let me have no more of these odious pills ; the had like to have made me give up the ghost. Snarl. I wish they had made you give up my cloth. Scout, (rising) Wife, see, see, three large buz- zing butterflies with amber heads, and chiystal wings there they gc— there tally o I hoics, hoics, tally o I ho, ho ! Snarl, I see none of them. Mrs. S But you see he raves. Scout. (Jalli^Tg back in choir') Save me good folks from the doctor, and a fig for the (iisenst. Snarl. O he talks good sense now — r,ow I'll speak to him — neighbor Scout. Scout (jumping ufi) My client, my lord, sir Hugh Witherington ! Snarl, Sir Hugh Witherington I B 2 18 VILLAGE [Anon, Scout Charges the defendant sir Hugh Mont- gomery • Snarl. Gomery ! why is it possible I could have mistaken another for him. Mrs. S. Nay now you have tormented the poor man sufficiently, let him have a little rest. Snarl Stay^ he looks as if he would speak to me. Scout. O dear mr. Snarl. StmrL He knows me ; 1 said so. Scout. I beg ten thousand pardons. Snarl. No apologies — vveli.— — — Scout. That since my arrival in this village, I haven't been to see you. «S>mr/. Not been to see me ! why this very day you know Scout. Yes, to-day, to make my excuses, I sent an attorney of my acquaintance. Snarl. An attorney ! eh, shall I never see my cloth again ? but it's all a sham, you yourself was the very person, by the same token your father owed mine fifty pounds : ay, ay, you may siiake your head, but I shan't quit the place, without either my cloth or my money. Scout. This won't do, I find, I must try another method, (ofide) Wife, wife, dont you hear them ? the thieves are breaking in at the door — but I'll bite 'em — this way— here they come — my mus- ket — I'll shoot 'em. Stop thief' stop thief I — {col' lars Snarl) my musket, my musket ! [^pxit Snarl. A thief my musket, ecod, it may be dan- gerous, to argue with a madman, and a blunder buss. Jet 11] LAWYER i$ re-enter scou i^ ^vith a bircli broom, ivhich he levels at .^iiai i. iv/io su/ifiosing it a mufsket^ scrambles off crying out O lord I o dear ! Scout. Ha, ha, ha ! ht's gone at last. Mrs. S. Yes, yes, he's gone. You have no fur- ther occasion for me j but stay you liere for fear of his return. [exit Scout So, I have g^ot a reprieve for some time at least; here he comes again: stop thief — stop thief — stop thief o it's my new client. enter sheepface. Shee/i. At your worship's service, justice Mitti- mus is ready, and the court will sit immediately Scout, Wait till I put on my t2;own, and be sure you remember the instructions I t2:ave you Sheefi. Never fear, your worship : baa ; practice makes perfect, they say. Scout This way ; we have no time to lose. Sheefi. I have been improving myself this half hour past, in our pens, and now lam so fluent in talking like a sheep, that I question if his worship, and the whole bench together could beat mc at it. ^exeunt SCENE III— /Ae court at the jmticc^s — table-, Jive chairs^ clerk, tD'c. discovered. MITTIMUS, two JUSTICI-S, and SNARL. Mil, Wclljthe Courtis assembled j and the ^v 20 VILLAGE lAnon. ties nu'y appear. \\ here is your lawyer, neigh- bor Snarl ? Snarl. I am my own la*wyer. enter scout, siieepface, and constables. Scout, f aside to Sheepface) How, rascal, you have imposed upon me. Is that the plaintiff? S/iee/f. Yes, that's his worship, my good master. Scout, (aside) How shall I get out ot this scrape? — ill gooff, it will rouse his suspicions ; I'll e'en stay and outface him. Snarl, (seeing Scout) Hey-day, who have we here ? the very fellow as I live. Mt. Neighbor Snarl, you are the- plaintiff be- gin— Stiarl. Then you must know that this thief Mil. Come, come, no abuse Snarl, The short and the long of it then is that this scoundrel, shepherd of mine that was, has rob- bed me of fourteen wethers. Scout. That remains to be proved. S7iurl. (ande) His voice, by Jupiter. Mit . W h a t p roof h a ve y ou ? Snarl. Proof— why I — I sold them this morn- ing — no 1 dont mean that — I gave him in charge four yards — no I dont mean that—fourscore sheep, I should say, and there are but threescore and six forthcoming. Scout. I deny the fact. Snarl. Well, if I had not left the other in a lu- nacy fit 1 should swear this was the very man. Mit, Thiols the very man, without doubt ■■■ Jet IT] LAWYER 2! but that is not the point at present the fact, neit^'r.bor Snarl— prove the fact. Snarl. I prove it by n\y oath 1 mean by the count of my flock ;— what's become of the four yards — fourteen sheep, I should say, that are mis- sin i^ ? Scout. They nre dead of tlie rot. Snarl. Zounds ! lis he himself. Mit. Again, why I tell you once more, neigh- bor, nobody doubts that. It is asserted that your sheep 4kciofthe rot. What do you answer to that ^ Snarl. I answer that it is a confounded lie, and the proof on't is I was hiding behind the hedge, when "who should come up but this fellow, and laying hold of one ofthe fattest of my wethers sits down be- side me, and after cajoling me for awliile about Withenngton, Gomery. he makes no more ado, but carries off four vards of it. Mit. Four yards of your wethers ! Snarl. Eh, no — my cloth — I say my cloth—— the other Mit, What otl.er,- neighbor — what other ? Scout. Dear sir, he's mad — r iving mad. Mit. 1 fear so — harkye, neighbor Snarl ; not all the justices in the county, no nor their clerks either, could make any thing of your evidence. You talk of fourteen wethers stole from you, and you jumble lip wiih that four yards of cloth, •■^nd VVittington, and I dont know what. — Slick to your wethers, I sav, or I must discharge the prisoner ; — but the shortest way is to examine him myself. — Come here, my good fellow — hold up your head ; what i^ jour name ? VILLAGE iAnon, Sheep. Baa. Snarl. He lies ; his name is Sheepface. Mit. Well, Sheepface, or Baa, no matter for the name ; tell me, is it true that mr. Snarl gave you fourscore sheep in charge ? S/iee/i. Baa, Mit. How I oh, his fears get the better of him perhaps; come, come, dont be alarmed— did mr. Snarl catch you at night kilhng one of his weth- ers ? Shee/i. Baa. Mit. Hey-day, what can this mean ? Scout. Why, sir, the blows the plaintiff gave the poor fellow on his head, have aficcted his brain, and put him, as your worship sees, beside himself. He*s to be trepan'd as soon as the court breaks up, and mr. Mincemeat the surgeon says, it is the whole materia medica to a dose of jalap, that he never recovers. SnarL Oh for the matter of that, it was a dark night ; and when ever I strike, I always strike home, and when and where I can. Scout. There sir, he confesses the fact, a volun- tary confession. M2t Ay, ay, a voluntary confession ; release the prisoner, I find no cause of complaint against him. [^exit constables Snarl, But I appeal — as to you, mr. Irongrey we shall meet, fto Scout) Mit» O fie, mr. Saarl, you are much to blame. Snarl. To blame, quotha ; one runs off with my cloth ; the other cuts the throat of my wethers : one pays me with Gomery, and the other with baa ; Act II] LAWYER 2J yet after all I am to blame. As for you, mr. Jus- tice — 1*11 appeal to a higher court ; and that you shall find, mr. Wiseacre. lexi( Scout, (to Sheepface) Go thank his worship, go. S/ieefi. Baa, baa. Mzt. Enough, enough '. poor fellow, go and be trepanned directly ; go. \^exi£ Shee/i. Baa. Scout. Well, I have brought you off with flying colors, you see ; you are a man of your word I know ; and I am sure you will pay me generously as you have promised me. S/iee/i, Baa. Scout, Yes, yes ; you played your part very well, but that isn't the point now — my fee ; — do you see -—my fee. Sheefi. Baa. Scout. What, am 1 to be outwitted by a walking scrubbing post ? a two-legged bellwether ? a Sheefi. Baa. Scout. So, I am outdone here, I find — ^but come, will you assist in bringing about my daughter's marriage. If the scheme succeeds, if you ajd your wife, my maid Kate, play your parts^Well I shall think myself sufficiently paid— if not, I'll show you what it is to attempt cheating a lawyer. But to your hiding-place, scoundrel, do you hear ? Shee/i. Baa, baa. \_exU Scout. The devil baa you : but come, his wor- ship seems so persuaded of the fellow's dangerous situation that it v/ill be no hard matter to persuade bim he's at the point of death : but here he comes^ VILLAGE [^wo)^ and Kate along with him. The work's -begun i see ; I must stay and lend a hand. enter mittimus and katr. Mit. Poor fellow I dead do you say, and so sud- denly too ? Kate. Yes — ye — es, sir. — Oh, oh 1 o dear, (cry' ing) Scout. Poor wench I an ugly affair this for mr. Snarl. Mit. Dont weep so, child ; I'll see justice done you. Kate. Oh ! my husband ' my poor dear hus- band oh, oh, oh oh ! Aiit. Nay, be comforted ; consider you were married yesterday morning-, and Kate. Ay, that's the reason ; had he lived a day or two longer it would have been some con-so-la- fi-on, oh. oh, oh I Mit. The murderer shall be punished ; I have .s^iven the necessary orders already, and you shall shortly have the comfort of seeing him hanged. Scout. Hanged I poor neighbor Snarl ! so valua- ble a member of the community too. He'll be a public loss, neighbor Mittimus j a public loss ! Mit. True, he was a useful man in the country, but what can I do ; here's a man murdered i and his widow demands justice. Scout. But what service would it be to you, Kate, to have mr. Snarl hanged — would it not be better id Kate. Why, sir, I am not revengeful, and if M r/] LAWYER 23 there was any friendly way of making up mailers, you know how I love your worship's god-daugh- ter. Mil. My god-daughter ! what concern has she in this affitir ? Kate. Why an' please your worship, Charles, mr. Snarl's only son is in love with miss Harriet, your worship's god-daughter ; but mr. Snarl won't consent to the marriage. Now your worship is a man of learning, and if you set about it, I am sure mii^ht contrive something to please all parties. Mii. I have it. We'll hush matters up on con- dition that mr. Snarl consents to the match ; but neighbor Scout, do you consent ? Scout, Why I had no intention of marrying my daughter yet ; but to save mr. Snarl from being hanged, come, I consent. Mit. They are bringing him this way, I see ; leave us together. Scout. I'll but just fill up the blanks of a ^o/irf, which you'll oblige him to sign ; otherwise he might retract you know. [^exit Scout and Kate enter snarl aiid constables. Mit. Well, neighbor Snarl, the poor wretch yo\i beat, they say is dead ; and you confessed the fact you know. Snarl. I did ; a blister on my tongue for it. Mit. The law must take its course ; but first let me know whether you would rather be hanged, or conseut to your son's wedding. Snarl. Neither one, nor t'other* Mit» Lawyer Scout has a daughter, beautifulf C M6 VILLAGE lAnom. and wtll acconiplishf d, and your son is in love with her. Snarl. What's that lo me ? Mit. Now 'matters might be hush'd up, if yoii consent to iheir marna.u,e. Snarl. I'll be hanged first. MiL Away with him to prison thep. Snarl. Hold, hold ! I'll consent. enter scour and charles. n Scout. Here's abend ready for signing, and mr. Snarl if any of my family can be of service to you, in your present misloi tunc, you may command me. Snarl Eh, what do you want another four yards of cloth, rascal ? but come, give me this bond.. TluM-e. (signs it) Mit. Come, Charles, you and I will be witnes- ses. — So you have had a fortunate escape, neighbor Snarl, 1 wish you joy of your t»ood luck. Snarl. Yes, this has been a lucky day for me, truly. enter two countr'vmex dragging in s^k'e.ttacv.^ Cotin Bring him along. Sheefi. Mercy, good folks! Mit. Whence comes this ghost ? Coun. Why, a'nt please your worship, we found this fellow hid under a heap of barley in our barn, so we brought him before your worship, to make him give an account of himself. Mit. What's become of the blows your master gave vou on the head ? S/iec/i, Gone along with his fourteen wethers. MtllJ LAWYER 2.t S7iarl. What, rascal, you art nol dead then ? Sheeji. Baa. Snarl Let roe come at him ; I have paid for the kilhng, and it is but lair, 1 should ifeve the worth of my money; so if I am not allowed to choak him i retract the consent 1 gave. Scout. With all my heari ; so you may pay the penalty of your bonds which is two thousand guin- eas. Snarl. Two thousand devils I — but come, jo- king apart, you'll pay me the fifty pounds your fa- ther owed mine ? Scout. Yes, when you can produce me his note. S?iarl. Mercy upon me ! but then my four yards of cloth.. Scout. 1*11 wear them at your son's wedding. Snarl. Well, at any rate, give me my share of the goose. Scout. It flew back this morning to Norfolk. Snarl. Then this rascal shall pay for all, and 1 d begin by haying him hanged. C/mr. ris time I own the truth, father ; he has done nothing but by my direction, and to supply my necessities, therefore suffer me to meet your future indulgence by the means of conquering all such temptations henceforward. Snarl. Hem ' — well, it must be so then, I think ; and to prevent any future abuse, V\\ sell oif ai! my sheep, and then they'll neither die of the rot, noi- shall I need a shepherd. Scout. Well, so far have T succeeded fully bolU for myself and client ; but a cause in which we are all interested remains vet to be determined i whbh 4 2S VILLAGE LAWYER [^no». we must learn from the decision of this tribunal, whether the Village Lawyer is to be struck off the roil, or not. END OF THE VILLAGE LAWYER. ^. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS HoUinger Corp. pH 8.5