A MILLIONAIRE 
 FOR A DAY 
 
 PS 3525 B j 0HN JAY McDEVITT 
 
 .01927 
 
 S-2 
 
 S% 
 
 PRICE, 50 CENTS 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 FOR A DAY 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1914, BY JOHN JAY McDEVITT 
 
 
 ARRANGED AND PRINTED BY THE DANDO COMPANY 
 34 SOUTH THIRD STREET, PHILADELPHIA 
 
 - -5 1914 
 
 ^>CI.A361927 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 Preface 7 
 
 Author's Announcement 9 
 
 The Beginning 11 
 
 My Philosophy of Life 19 
 
 Humor 32 
 
 Running for Mayor 47 
 
 Candidate for County Treasurer ... 52 
 
 Humorist and Philosopher 55 
 
 Ex-Candidate McDevitt Addresses the 
 
 Ladies of Parker Club 58 
 
 Talk too Much to Take Graft .... 62 
 
 Advice to Young Girls 67 
 
 Things Men Don't Like 69 
 
 My Venture 70 
 
 Questions 87 
 
 New York 89 
 
 Impressions of New York 96 
 
 Side Lights Concerning My Trip . . . 101 
 
 At the. Clover Club Banquet .... 105 
 
PREFACE 
 
 When the thought struck me to 
 write a book, I looked over the ground, 
 and after some serious thinking, I pro- 
 ceeded to do so, and while I might not go 
 down in history as a great literary light 
 of the present century, I will go to the 
 grave knowing that I wrote a book, be 
 it good, bad or indifferent. 
 
 You note that I have headed this 
 article "Preface." This is what writers 
 do, or at least I believe such, and because 
 of this, I will do likewise. So, my dear 
 reader — notice I say "dear reader" — I 
 wish you to bear with me in the perusal 
 of this little offering ; read slowly and get 
 all there is out of it, and should I (mean- 
 ing the author) cause you to smile, or 
 even think, I will do something more than 
 many writers have failed to do with me. 
 
 You might find words in this book 
 that are too much for you, as I am using 
 the very best of English, and while I 
 might be more commonplace, in my own 
 
 [7] 
 
interest I am forced to be artistic, as this 
 is purely and solely a work of art. 
 
 With these few remarks and up to 
 the time of going to press, I bid you 
 "adieu." 
 
 [8] 
 
AUTHOR'S 
 ANNOUNCEMENT 
 
 I find a peculiar satisfaction in realiz- 
 ing that when all is said and done there 
 is no one that knows McDevitt as 
 McDevitt knows himself. 
 
 Vanity is a part of every human 
 being, and McDevitt is very much human, 
 hence I find that in my makeup I possess 
 a great deal of the trait that so many 
 people wish to hide. 
 
 I am a young man thirty-eight years 
 of age, a little less than six feet tall. I 
 have a pretty good shaped head, contain- 
 ing a great deal of knowledge, useful and 
 otherwise. My hair is a dark brown; 
 those who speak lightly of me say it is 
 very red. My features are classical, and 
 very few would pass me by without 
 taking an extra look at my appearance in 
 general. 
 
 I am inclined to smile a little more 
 than the ordinary fellow, feeling all the 
 while that people rather like the fellow 
 that looks pleasant. 
 
 I can give a good account of myself 
 from a conversational point and I have 
 
 [9] 
 
read sufficiently to fake my way along, 
 even when the topic happens to be on the 
 classics. I have an air of indifference that 
 people are susceptible to, and when I 
 speak before a crowd I always feel that I 
 know more than my audience, and as a 
 rule I am seldom mistaken. I spend my 
 money with an air of a fellow who doesn't 
 care; this counts — since we must spend, 
 do it artistically. 
 
 I weigh about one hundred and 
 seventy pounds and wear very high grade 
 clothes. I could make a hit with the 
 fair sex if I so desired, but I am not overly 
 particular in this. I appreciate the fact 
 that men are very similar and that I 
 deviate slightly from the general run, and 
 I also know that I can take good care of 
 myself, regardless of what comes or goes. 
 I am very modest and don't care to speak 
 of my good qualities, and only do so here- 
 with because of the fact that they invari- 
 ably have been overlooked in the past. 
 
 JOHN JAY McDEVITT 
 
 [ Wilkes -Barre, Pa. 
 January, 19 14] 
 
 [10] 
 
THE BEGINNING 
 
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 WO things happened in 
 1876, my birth and 
 the Philadelphia 
 Centennial. Hence, 
 it can be readily un- 
 derstood why the 
 promoters of the 
 latter event lost money, as the world was 
 not in position to entertain two such 
 important happenings. On my arrival 
 into this world, coming as I did with a 
 younger sister who happened to be a twin, 
 it was discovered that I was a boy, and 
 indications soon pointed to the fact that I 
 would be compelled to go forth with a head 
 of red hair, which, to a youngster at this 
 period of our planet, was a serious mis- 
 fortune, as all the kids made or endeavored 
 to make one's life miserable. This, I after- 
 ward figured out, was due to the lack of 
 other amusements, such as moving pic- 
 tures and ragtime music. In the little 
 mining town in which my parents lived, it 
 was always a day of great rejoicing when 
 
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A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 a birth was proclaimed; and as my 
 entrance was a dual one, it is safe to say 
 that it was a big day at the family home. 
 
 Children at this time and place were 
 christened the next pay day following the 
 birth, and as I happened to be born dur- 
 ing a period when the coal mines were 
 idle, as the result of a strike, I was obliged 
 to lay around the house for the first sum- 
 mer of my existence nameless. 
 
 My father informs me that baby 
 carriages were unknown, and when the 
 day arrived for my christening I was 
 wheeled to Hazelton in a barrow, and in 
 a manner in keeping with the times I was 
 sent forth with the cognomen of John Jay. 
 
 I grew very rapidly in the days of my 
 infancy, as this was all a kid had to do at 
 that time, and as I developed into boy- 
 hood, it was whispered about that the 
 youngster would, at some future day, be 
 heard from; and this, in some respects, 
 demonstrates the wisdom of prophecy. 
 
 [12] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 Most children are addicted to the 
 weakness or failing of crying; this in my 
 case was not true. My mother tells me 
 that I was more than six months old 
 before she ever heard me murmur, and 
 this she says was due to the fact that a 
 Dutchman was elected on the school 
 board in our town, and I happened to 
 overhear my father mention the same to 
 the older members of the family one even- 
 ing while at the supper table, which meal 
 was served, as it is still served, between 
 the hours of five and six in the evening, 
 regardless of what they do in New York 
 and Newport. 
 
 Most children begin their school days 
 at the age of six. I was listed as a pupil 
 long before my fifth birthday, and my 
 teacher will tell you, to this day, that I 
 was an unusually bright boy and could, at 
 the age of seven, do simple fractions with 
 one hand tied behind my back. 
 
 [13] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 My father, who was the best man in 
 this part of the country, took great pride 
 in my early life, and did not disturb my 
 school life until I was nine years of age. 
 I many times since heard him say that I 
 ought to be a priest, as I never did a tap 
 of work until I was nearly ten years 
 old. 
 
 Gradually, but surely, growing in wis- 
 dom, I soon began to seek new fields, and 
 at the age of ten I found myself a part of 
 a great big world of industry working in 
 a coal breaker for the munificent salary of 
 eight dollars per month, all of which I 
 earned, as I was compelled to be at my 
 post at seven o'clock in the morning, 
 winter and summer, and remain there 
 until six in the evening. The town, as 
 you will understand, was a typical min- 
 ing village and its inhabitants never had 
 the opportunity of witnessing such a 
 thing as comic or grand opera, or seeing 
 
 [*4] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 vaudeville, other than that which the 
 natives produced themselves. 
 
 The fact is, we were more or less in 
 the arrears on many points; for instance, 
 I was never told at school in how many- 
 rounds it took John L. Sullivan to defeat 
 Paddy Ryan, and I was obliged to find 
 out from other sources than the teacher 
 about Dick Turpin and the James boys. 
 
 We had very few luxuries in those 
 days, and it is a matter of record that I 
 was twelve years old before I saw a 
 banana, and fourteen before I tasted one. 
 
 About the one great event that 
 occurred in my town in the days I speak 
 of was the Hibernian parade, which, as 
 every Irishman or anyone who ever lived 
 in an Irish community knows, takes 
 place every year on the morning of the 
 seventeenth of March. Father tells me 
 that every man around the diggin's was 
 obliged to get out and walk, and, said he : 
 
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A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 "If they didn't walk on that day, they 
 couldn't walk for months after." 
 
 My town, as you have no doubt 
 surmised ere this, was controlled and 
 looked after by the Irish, and hence, it is 
 needless to say, we had a village with 
 many officials, as the Irish are ever known 
 as office holders, fighters and good neigh- 
 bors in a time of adversity. In those 
 days, newspapers were very scarce, and 
 all I can recall was "The Irish World," 
 "The Police Gazette" and a few papers 
 sent this way from relatives living in 
 Ireland. 
 
 My father was at this time the only 
 man in our locality capable of writing a 
 letter, and it was always a matter of 
 debate as to who was the smarter man 
 in town, father or priest. 
 
 I often thought when I was a kid 
 when I became a man, if I never did 
 anything else, I would get my fill of 
 raisin pie. I still remember the first 
 
 [16] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 dollar I received, I went forth and re- 
 turned with ten big pies. You cannot 
 imagine how popular I was among the 
 kids until we had consumed the purchase. 
 I ate so much raisin pie on this occasion 
 that ever since I have crossed this delicacy 
 from my menu. 
 
 Father gave me two dollars one 
 Fourth of July, and as I never had this 
 much cash at one time in my life before, 
 I was in a quandary as how to dispose of 
 it. After much deliberation, I decided to 
 invest every cent of it in punk, which 
 could be had at eight sticks for a cent. 
 I entirely forgot about fire crackers, 
 consequently, I had all punk and no fire 
 crackers. It has been unnecessary for any 
 of the family of relations to buy any punk 
 from that day unto this. 
 
 [17] 
 
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 MY PHILOSOPHY 
 OF LIFE 
 
 HEN I was a kid, I 
 can still recall the 
 manner in which I 
 was forced to live, 
 and sometimes I 
 think that the most 
 unfortunate calamity 
 that can happen to any youngster, par- 
 ticularly if he comes to light in a small 
 country town, is to be crowned with a head 
 of red hair ; even though some of the most 
 remarkable men of all ages, not speaking 
 of myself, have been the possessors of 
 hair of this hue. I was a hard-looking 
 kid, and while I might, and no doubt did, 
 give evidence of future greatness, this was 
 only appreciated by the clerk in the com- 
 pany store, the teacher and the parish 
 priest, also my home people or family. 
 
 I was not given to the inclination of 
 refinement and always displayed an ab- 
 
 [19] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 horrence toward things conventional. I 
 never knew what such a thing as a picnic 
 or an outing meant, and ice cream and 
 other luxuries were things only read 
 about in books. The only delicacy that 
 I ever knew, when a kid, was raisin pie, 
 and this was only served on Sunday 
 morning, and then only to those who 
 happened to be up in time. As a rule, I 
 was on the job. 
 
 I used to think that if I ever got to be 
 a man I would have all the best things in 
 the world, such as raisin pies, store cakes 
 and dried herring. But we change more 
 or less with time, and today I find that I 
 am not so desirous for these things as I 
 had expected. 
 
 When I became old enough to go to 
 school, I felt that my little heart would 
 break, as I did not want to be compelled 
 to spend the days indoors when there was 
 so much fun outside; and even now I feel 
 that too much study is not the best thing 
 
 [ao] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 in the world, as, after all, I am certain that 
 a man with a good healthy body and 
 appetite and a few children, also a good 
 natured neighbor, to help out in time of 
 trouble, is all that one needs to be real 
 happy. 
 
 The big men of the world, with their 
 wives of the Laura Jean Libby school, are 
 not the whole show, and I notice that 
 this sort are given to take the rapid 
 transit more than are the poorer kind. 
 They eat too much and try to take in 
 too much life in one day. They are not 
 satisfied with one show a day, but insist 
 on a matinee, a dinner, some social call- 
 ing and now and then a trip abroad. 
 They are an envious lot, and a little wart 
 on their face or a blemish on their body, 
 providing it is visible (and these days 
 they display so much of their bodies that 
 it is hard to place it away from the gaze 
 of the public) , will annoy them more than 
 an attack of typhoid fever will the ones 
 
 [21] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 of the lesser circles. I remember my 
 home town people and the things that 
 they enjoyed, and I sometimes think that 
 as I grow in would-be wisdom I pay the 
 price in other w 7 ays. 
 
 My father would take in a parade 
 every St. Patrick's Day, and in order to 
 get prepared for the occasion, it v/ould 
 take mother and a few of the neighbors 
 more than two weeks making the prepara- 
 tions ; and how grand he w 7 ould look at me, 
 w r ith the gilt on his trousers and the sword 
 that his old father left him as a relic of 
 the other days! One St. Patrick's Day 
 my father and a few of the older men of 
 the town had to have horses for the 
 parade, but as they could not get any 
 around the day in question, they went to 
 the mine boss and asked him to let them 
 have a few mules that had just come from 
 the West. They acted very mild and 
 seemed to be trained for the day until 
 the band commenced to play. The 
 
 ["] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 mules made a bee line for some place, 
 and it was more than a week after when 
 the leaders of the day limped back into 
 town. It was no joke with father, and 
 woe to anyone of us that ever referred to 
 the incident! 
 
 You know that we have some things 
 that do not require explanation, and I 
 recall the old school teacher telling father 
 about this, and he was trying to think of 
 something that would exemplify what he 
 meant. "Well," said my father, "I know 
 one thing that don't need any explana- 
 tion." "What is it?" said the teacher. 
 "Well, now suppose we were having our 
 St. Patrick's Day celebration and some 
 Dutchman tried to stop it, does this need 
 any explanation?" 
 
 But I began to speak and tell of the 
 things of life, and what we do and do not 
 get. As I said, I was a red-haired young- 
 ster, and after I got going to school I had 
 one hard time of it trying to keep afoot, 
 
 [23] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 and it would be better for many a man if 
 God had endowed me with any other sort 
 of hair, as I know that many a kid 
 received beatings that put him to an early 
 grave due to the fact that he wanted to 
 have some fun with me. 
 
 I would rather fight than study, and 
 I can say truthfully that I did more of the 
 former. The teacher that took me in 
 hand was an old maid, and she didn't 
 like me because my father beat her dad 
 for the office of township supervisor; but 
 this was no fault of mine, however. The 
 sins of the parents are often visited on the 
 children and I was obliged to suffer for 
 my father's greatness. 
 
 He was a remarkable man, was 
 father, and many's the time I have heard 
 him speak of the men that he put away 
 with only one and, now and then, two 
 punches — generally one, unless they hap- 
 pened to be more than two hundred 
 pounds. He wanted to make a bishop 
 
 [24 J 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 out of me, and no doubt I would be such 
 today if the mines had worked a little 
 more than they did; and perhaps it is to 
 be regretted, for I feel I would have made 
 a great preacher. 
 
 The other members of our family all 
 appeared to be of the ordinary sort and 
 only now and then gave any evidence of 
 being kin to me. I put up a great fight 
 at school in those days, and I know that 
 my early traits had much to do with my 
 after life, for fighting never hurt any kid. 
 An old neighbor, who was a German, 
 said to father one day: "Mr. McDevitt, 
 how is it that the Irish fight so much 
 amongst themselves?' ' "Well," said my 
 father, "an Irishman, when he fights, 
 likes to have a good scrap." 
 
 One's early life is always more or 
 less a quandary, and as you become older, 
 it is hard to recall the many little inci- 
 dents that occurred. I often sit with my 
 old mother and have her relate how I 
 
 [25] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 spent my younger days and what I used 
 to do. "Oh," she would say, "Johnny, 
 you were a bad boy, and I often used to 
 think that something awful would happen 
 to you; but, thanks be, you are all right." 
 And let me say right here that the most 
 beautiful character that God ever gave 
 this world is the good old Irish mother. 
 All mothers love their children, but show 
 me the Irish mother that would not 
 sacrifice all the world owned to help even 
 the boy that the world called useless and 
 dangerous. 
 
 The Irish mother loves to watch her 
 children, and when they do wrong she will 
 sit with them and offer them her good and 
 wholesome old-fashioned advice. It is 
 not the kind you read about in the modern 
 columns of the day, but the heart kind 
 that has its effect, and God only knows if 
 it were not for this type of women the 
 Irish race would have more bad and use- 
 less men. 
 
 I left school at an age that was very 
 young, and, in order to help out, I en- 
 
 [26] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 gaged as a slate picker in the coal breaker, 
 and I never since pass these institutions 
 but I grit my teeth, recalling, as I do, 
 the hardships I put in while a kid. Per- 
 haps it is just as well that we are from 
 circumstances forced to do these things, 
 but it is hard to imagine that such hard- 
 ships as the breaker are necessary. Just 
 think of a boy of nine years going to 
 work before sunrise and not leaving for his 
 home until long after the sun has sunk! 
 But greed is always with us, and if there is 
 a hereafter, I would rather not have you 
 ask me to what port the coal operators 
 will hit. 
 
 I was obliged to work around the 
 coal works for a number of years, but I 
 soon drifted forth and, for the next few 
 years of my life, was doing stunts that 
 are known as hobo life or on the bum. 
 
 Having little knowledge of the world, 
 I was seriously handicapped, but I had the 
 grit to go forth ; and I am glad I did so, 
 
 l>7] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 for I often look back over those days and 
 realize that this sort of life did more for 
 me than anything else in my career. I 
 traveled about twenty states and rang 
 every door bell in sight, either in an 
 attempt to sell some junk or else seeking 
 something to eat. I hit Toledo, Ohio, 
 one day while on this mission, and I 
 remember I was forced to go to a rescue 
 mission for shelter. A very pleasant- 
 looking lady came to the door, and when 
 I informed her that I wished to be taken 
 care of, she asked me if I was satisfied to 
 follow our Lord. At this period it was 
 immaterial to me who I followed, and I 
 told her so, hence, I was taken into the 
 fold and made comfortable for the time 
 being. We had to chop wood. When I 
 say "we," I mean the other three hun- 
 dred bums that were registered there. I 
 think that every part of the world had a 
 representative on the list, and all I 
 heard was one boe asking the others 
 
 [28] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 about such and such a town and places 
 where feed was easy to get. We were 
 compelled to take a bath, and while some 
 of us objected, I am forced to admit that 
 we all needed the same. After this we 
 went to our beds, and I was very much 
 amused at the manner in which we were 
 put away. 
 
 If you ever got into a shoe store 
 after a busy day and watched how the 
 clerks put up the shoes, it would give you 
 some idea of the way we went to our 
 bunks. Every fellow had some little com- 
 plaint to make about the size of his bed, 
 as room was very scarce and we had to 
 make the most of a bad job. For our 
 breakfast, it was not so much what you 
 liked, but what they gave. We were 
 emphatically told not to touch anything 
 on the table until grace had been said, 
 and, as I was a new comer, I took my 
 time to my sorrow, for I was forced to go 
 until the next meal without a morsel. 
 
 [29] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 But, believe me, I was wiser the next 
 turn, and long before the minister had 
 finished grace I had mine. 
 
 I met a fellow by the name of DeMar, 
 after I had left the institution, and we 
 bummed it for a distance of five hundred 
 miles, and for three days we didn't have 
 a bit to eat. DeMar told me he used to 
 be a glass eater at one time in a side show, 
 and one afternoon I brought him in a 
 few bottles for a lunch. We were making 
 a freight car our headquarters. I never 
 knew what became of my friend and often 
 think of him. 
 
 I reached Philadelphia in a few days 
 and I got a few dollars together and paid 
 for a furnished room one dollar per week. 
 It was not as artistic as the one I had at 
 the Waldorf, but it came in handy just 
 then. I was soon broke and penniless, and 
 the sad part of it was that I was rooming 
 over a restaurant and during the night — 
 I, good and sleepy, hungry and tired — I 
 
 [30] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 could hear the waiters shout out: "Pork 
 and beans! Eggs — make it two! Coffee 
 one! Steak, small! Ham and eggs — eggs 
 sunny side up!" and nothing coming my 
 way. 
 
 I was tickled to death when I struck 
 home, and the only part of returning was 
 that I would have to explain to father 
 what I did with his new trousers, as I 
 took these with me when I went forth; 
 but he left me off easy. I suppose he 
 was glad to see me home again; I know 
 I was pleased to be there. 
 
 [31] 
 
HUMOR 
 
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 WAS invited, sometime 
 ago,to address a body 
 of men, they having 
 selected for my sub- 
 ject, "Humor and Its 
 Effect on Men." I 
 am naturally a bright 
 fellow, hence never hesitate to tackle any 
 subject that may be given me, and those 
 who have heard me speak will, I am sure, 
 not consider me egotistical when I say 
 that the world has few men that can com- 
 pare with me when it comes to making 
 an address. I made a particularly fine 
 speech on this occasion, dwelling at 
 length on the meaning of humor and how 
 it is so often mistaken and used synony- 
 mously with wit, while they, wit and 
 humor, are really at antipodes. My effort 
 was received with a spontaneous round of 
 enthusiastic applause for my knowledge 
 of the subject, my delivery, for every - 
 
 [32] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 thing in fact that goes to make a speech a 
 grand success. But, however learnedly I 
 handled my subject, I had a sneaking 
 feeling that my audience did not fully 
 comprehend me, although it was com- 
 posed mostly of clergymen, lawyers and 
 doctors — men a little above the ordinary 
 in intelligence one would naturally think. 
 
 After much cogitation on the sub- 
 ject, I came to the conclusion that my 
 erudition is so marked, and especially so 
 when I get a subject that interests me, 
 whereby I can give full swing to my 
 natural endowments, that I simply speak 
 on and on, not knowing myself where or 
 how I came by such deep and profound 
 knowledge. 
 
 It may be interesting to those not 
 having had the pleasure of hearing me 
 to know how I would begin a subject of 
 this kind. Well, for the benefit of that 
 vast multitude, I will say that I opened 
 my address by saying: " Gentlemen, I 
 
 [33] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 might proceed by saying that I am not a 
 speaker, or I might say that I am sur- 
 prised that you should select me for this 
 auspicious occasion; but I am not going 
 to say anything of these things, for I 
 know that I am an excellent speaker and 
 one who can and will measure up to the 
 best in the land, and on any occasion, be 
 it what it will." 
 
 Humor to me is not the thing that 
 most men accept as the funny things of 
 life; for, after all, the most delicate vein 
 of this characteristic is only appreciated 
 by the very few, and no one can appre- 
 ciate good and wholesome humor who has 
 not suffered more or less the adversities 
 of life, for only in this way can one hope 
 to have a criterion for comparison. 
 
 I happened to be in company, some 
 years ago, with the late Mark Twain and 
 we discussed some phases of life. I will 
 always remember the pleasant evening I 
 spent, and often recall some of the droll 
 
 [34] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 things he said on that occasion. As a 
 fitting sample of his dry humor, he said : 
 "Should your hat blow off your head, 
 never trouble yourself to go after it. 
 There is always some one in the crowd 
 who will do this for you." It was Mark 
 Twain who said that he made his best 
 speeches on his way home in a cab; and 
 also that repartee is the thing we speak 
 or think about the next day. 
 
 A minister said to me one day: 
 "Mr. McDevitt, you know I sometimes 
 think that the Irish do not possess the 
 peculiar vein of humor that we ascribe to 
 them." I called an old fellow over who 
 was working near by, an Irishman, and 
 I said: "Dan, the preacher wants to ask 
 you a question and I would be obliged if 
 you would answer him quickly and truth- 
 fully." "Dan," said the preacher, "I was 
 just thinking if you and I were to die 
 tonight, who do you think the devil 
 would come after first?" "Well," said 
 Dan, "I think he would come after me 
 
 [35] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 first, as he would be damn good and sure 
 of you." 
 
 An old fellow, by the name of Hearn, 
 stopped me one day and said: "John, 
 I am dying for a drink ; will you bring me 
 in Casey's and buy me a whisky?" I 
 said: "All right, old man, come on in." 
 We stood at the bar and I called the 
 bartender over and said: "Let me have 
 two whiskies." I had no sooner said 
 this, when Hearn piped out: "Let me 
 have two, too." 
 
 The most wholesome humor is not 
 always the kind that produces laughter. 
 
 An orator is a man who can make a 
 good speech in the presence of his wife. 
 
 Repartee is the bright and witty 
 thing we think. about the next day. 
 
 A pig is always a pig. 
 
 It requires a brave man to speak in 
 natural tones while riding in a street car. 
 
 P. T. Barnum said the American 
 people liked to be humbugged. P. T. 
 
 [36] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 was wrong; we do not wish to be hum- 
 bugged, but if we happen to be, please 
 don't inform us of the fact. 
 
 All one has to do in this age, when 
 the world is seeking novelty and spice, is 
 to do something different from what the 
 people have been accustomed to and you 
 will attract attention. You know the 
 world is becoming smaller every day — 
 the fast steamers, rapid railway trains and 
 the new and modern system of "get there" 
 are bringing the once distant places with- 
 in a few days of our very doors. Hence, 
 when one thinks the thing over, it is very 
 reasonable to understand how any ad- 
 venture with a unique atmosphere and 
 more or less human interest .would cause 
 the country to sit up and listen. 
 
 A young man by the name of 
 McDevitt, referring to myself, drifted 
 along through this old world in a sort of 
 happy go lucky, aimless way, nothing in 
 particular to look forward to and, being 
 
 [37] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 of a free and easy nature, cared little for 
 what came or did not come. As far back 
 as my memory goes, I can recall that the 
 people on this planet appeared to esti- \ 
 mate everyone and everything by their 
 ability to amass money. And even as a 
 child, I was astonished at the methods 
 some pursued in order to obtain the all 
 powerful dollar. Honesty cannot keep 
 pace with our modern progress, and so it 
 is in the mad desire to procure the dollar 
 men prove themselves to be far below the 
 standard which God surely intended. 
 
 Being of an imaginative turn of 
 mind, I figured when I had not yet dis- 
 carded the little breeches supported by 
 one suspender, and that one often held in 
 place by a nail or a bit of stick, that 
 success in life was not so many dollars 
 and cents, but that if one only had the 
 courage he could find more real happiness 
 in doing as he pleased than to adhere to 
 the customs made proper by repetition. 
 
 [38] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 I always notice that people are 
 ashamed to do certain things that are 
 small in themselves, but taken from the 
 point of etiquette, then become quite 
 gigantic. For instance, you seldom or 
 never see a person eating a sandwich on 
 the street, although I am quite sure 
 many a fellow would like to ; and when did 
 anyone ever hear two people speak in 
 natural tones while on a street car? We 
 don't eat on the street, due to custom, 
 and we are inclined to live our lives 
 according to a set of rules. Now, I 
 made up my mind many moons ago that 
 the world was eager for novelty, and 
 because of this, I set forth to do things 
 from my own point of view, and I have 
 discovered that I am more contented 
 than the multitude. 
 
 You know people are afraid of each 
 other, and this is one reason why we 
 miss many a pleasant hour that we might 
 enjoy if we only possessed sufficient cour- 
 
 [39] 
 
< A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 age. For instance, the starting of a con- 
 versation while traveling or while spend- 
 ing an hour in some strange restaurant; 
 this does not require the kind of courage 
 Don Quixote possessed when he sallied 
 forth in all his splendor to defend the 
 oppressed and avenge the injured, but it 
 requires courage nevertheless. And this 
 is just where I shine; I invariably take 
 advantage of such conditions and usually 
 am quite pleased with myself for the 
 effort. 
 
 I am reminded here of the tactics 
 used by most men, viz., they tell a woman 
 all the nice little things they can think 
 about when they first meet ; their fund of 
 the "nice little things' ' soon runs out; 
 they become tiresome old fogies to the 
 fair damsel, so the poor misguided lobster 
 is "passed up" in order that she might 
 indulge in a little more flattery from the 
 next fellow that comes her way. Now, 
 my plan of procedure is to tell her a few 
 
 [40] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 disagreeable things at first, then tell her 
 something that will arouse her curiosity, 
 for the gods have never yet given us a 
 woman who will leave a man when her 
 curiosity has been aroused and not fully 
 satisfied. 
 
 I traveled through this country al- 
 most from end to end, and this gives a 
 chap, providing he starts out with a 
 goodly amount of gray matter and the 
 cells are lively and in good working order 
 a very valuable training. Reading and 
 general conversation afterward become 
 more interesting, as one seldom becomes 
 interested in anything he is not familiar 
 with, and travel to my mind is the best 
 school. 
 
 I had more or less hard luck as I 
 wandered through the land and I can 
 still find myself biting my teeth when 
 certain pictures pass through my mind. 
 When a boy, I dreamed beautiful dreams 
 of the South and I longed for the time 
 
 [4i] 
 
 i 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 when I could satisfy my yearning to 
 visit that land of peaceful good fellow- 
 ship. That time came, and truth to tell, 
 I was sadly disappointed with the much 
 lauded home of chivalry and hospitality. 
 I know it makes good reading and it 
 sounds nice and I can readily understand 
 how it appeals to the sentimental; but 
 take it from me, those admirable attri- 
 butes are merely chimerical. The people 
 of the South are no different from other 
 folks. On the contrary, I found in a great 
 many instances that they are inclined to 
 overestimate their worth and rest on their 
 imaginary laurels. I met a number of 
 those so-called colonels — men who felt 
 that because of the fact of their being 
 slave holders at one time, they were en- 
 titled to more honor and prestige than 
 one who did not. 
 
 There is one thing about the South 
 that I would like to emphasize, and that 
 is that they have the worst kind of jails 
 
 [42] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 imaginable, and I don't blame anyone for 
 not wanting to spend more time than 
 they can help in these institutions. I met 
 many, very many, "traveling men" who 
 bear me out in this statement. 
 
 After my wanderings throughout the 
 country, doing everything I could think 
 of to make "both ends meet, ,, selling 
 patent medicine one day, giving lectures 
 the next, disposing of cheap jewelry, can- 
 vassing pictures, in fact, going so far as 
 to preach the gospel and all because I had 
 to exist. I finally turned my steps 
 homeward. I had five years of this sort 
 of life and was more than pleased one 
 evening when I poked my head out of 
 my then "special" car and beheld dear 
 old Wilkes -Barre in the Wyoming Valley 
 below. 
 
 On my arrival home, I immediately 
 opened up shop as a local politician, and 
 be it said to my credit that, in a very 
 short time, I had made a wonderful 
 
 [43] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 advancement in handling ballot boxes and 
 counting out Dutch and Welsh office 
 seekers. In fact, I was looked upon as 
 one of the best counters in this part of 
 the state; so much so that my work 
 attracted the attention of the courts, the 
 sheriffs and other law makers and de- 
 fenders of the law. For my own safety, 
 I was finally forced to drop the business, 
 but not before some of the men higher up 
 in "dear old Wilkes-Barre" had profited 
 and are profiting by my ability as an 
 expert and fearless counter. 
 
 You see one of the greatest troubles 
 I had to contend with was the fact that 
 in my ward we had so many voters who 
 could not vote intelligently, and therefore 
 after each election was over, I was com- 
 pelled, as a matter of conscience, to take 
 the ballot box to my home and look the 
 votes over in order to make sure that 
 there were no mistakes. Invariably, I 
 was forced to erase many X's because of 
 
 [44] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 their misplacement. In those days we 
 generally voted the straight ticket; that 
 is, the Irish voted ' 'straight/ ' but the 
 Germans and Welsh usually resorted to 
 the bad form of cutting the ticket, which 
 invariably had a more or less disagreeable 
 effect on the Irish vote. 
 
 You know a German is a peculiar 
 fellow. He will dine with you, sell and 
 drink beer with you, do almost any kind 
 of work for you, but if you are Irish he 
 will NOT vote for you. To me a Dutch- 
 man is always more or less of an enigma, 
 and I think that this is the light in which 
 every man who has a drop of Irish blood 
 in his veins looks upon him. They are 
 hearty laughers, good eaters and have 
 seemingly all the attributes that go to 
 make up a "good fellow/ ' but they have 
 no sand when disappointed, and it takes 
 little for them to "do the German.' ' 
 While this might be, and from a selfish 
 point of view very often is, a benefit to 
 
 [45] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 the community in which he lived, accord- 
 ing to Sunday school teaching, he will 
 not be entitled to a grand stand seat in 
 the final distribution of places. 
 
 I am told they are good soldiers, and 
 while this, no doubt, is true, it does not 
 signify that it is due to their courage. 
 Get a crowd of Dutch women worked up 
 and they will make more noise than the 
 same number of men. 
 
 I have been informed that Teddy 
 Roosevelt is Dutch. Well, if so. take it 
 from me that there is some Irish in him 
 somewhere. You know he decided to 
 quit the game sometime ago. This was 
 the German part of him. An Irishman 
 never knows when he is licked, and if 
 you have been reading the newspapers, 
 you have noticed that he is back in the 
 game again. My father says that the 
 best anyone ever got from an Irishman 
 was a draw. 
 
 [46] 
 
RUNNING FOR 
 MAYOR 
 
 
 A 
 
 
 FTER establishing 
 myself as a politician 
 in my home town, I 
 felt, as men generally 
 do, that the time was 
 opportune for me to 
 come before the 
 voters and have them pay me a tribute in 
 handing me one of the best offices in the 
 gift of the public, and in looking over the 
 situation, I agreed with myself and two 
 or three friends that I would launch 
 forth as a mayoralty candidate. As the 
 Republican ticket on this election con- 
 tained the names of six others and none 
 Irish, I concluded that I had a chance to 
 sneak in. I guessed badly, for, believe 
 me, I got one of the most artistic wallop- 
 ings any candidate ever received at the 
 hands of any party or people. In one 
 ward, where I sent one hundred cigars, 
 
 [47] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 they gave me two votes, I still feel that 
 they owe me ninety-eight cigars, or else 
 the equivalent in votes, as, after all, votes 
 are not worth much more than a good 
 cigar when you look about and see who 
 is being elected. 
 
 The papers, during my campaign, 
 spoke very modestly about my being a 
 candidate and I was usually known as 
 "Others," and "Etc." I endeavored to 
 have our leading papers say something 
 about me, but I was informed by the 
 business manager that their rates were 
 a dollar per inch. I gave the fellow in 
 question a dollar and asked him to give 
 me two inches for one-half day, instruct- 
 ing him to withdraw my ad. at noon. 
 
 One of the papers asked the voters to 
 stand by the best man and cast their 
 votes accordingly, but withal I was de- 
 feated. Lew Kniffen, the fellow who 
 won out, was an undertaker, and while 
 he was and is a good sort, he was not in 
 
 [48] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 my class. Lew was one of those men 
 that never gave life a serious thought, 
 and, intellectually speaking, was brilliant- 
 ly illiterate; but fate or destiny has a 
 hand in all things, and while I went down 
 to apparent defeat, I came out of this 
 fight aware of the fact that nine out of 
 every ten men on this map are liars when 
 it comes to the question of politics. 
 
 I wouldn't believe any man living in 
 the future, and the fact is since I got into 
 the game as far as I have, I can't rely on 
 myself as to what I will or will not do on 
 the day when all steps lead to the booth. 
 
 At the close of the campaign, I 
 decided to hold a meeting in the county 
 court house, and while I was obliged to 
 depend on attracting the crowd with a 
 few placards that I had posted about 
 town, I was optimistic enough to appreci- 
 ate the fact that the hall would be 
 filled on the night in question; which 
 happened as I thought. I was forced to 
 
 [49] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 introduce myself on this occasion, as the 
 chairman felt that his job was not the 
 most inviting, as he felt in his heart I 
 was not the man that would land the 
 job. He was right. Although not overly 
 courteous, I arose after the crowd had 
 been accommodated, and in very brief 
 words introduced myself as the next 
 Mayor and the present speaker. I was 
 just half right. I was the next speaker. 
 I was told after the affair that more than 
 seven hundred could not gain admittance, 
 and I also noticed that when the vote 
 was made known, I received this number. 
 So that those who did not hear the 
 speech voted for me, while the two 
 thousand who listened to me decided to 
 vote another way. The day of election 
 I asked my father to vote for me. "What 
 ticket are you running on?" "Why, on 
 the Republican," I said. "Well, if that's 
 the case, you don't get my vote. I 
 would rather go to a Protestant church 
 
 [50] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 than vote that ticket." You know, in 
 our locality you are not asked if you are 
 a Democrat or a Republican; it's "Are 
 you a Democrat or a Protestant?" 
 
 History records the fact that I was 
 defeated, and this will suffice. I was 
 willing to offer myself as their candidate, 
 and since they rejected the offer, then 
 it's their funeral, not mine. Some day 
 they will realize the mistake when it is 
 too late. 
 
 [51] 
 
CANDIDATE FOR 
 COUNTY TREASURER 
 
 FTER a lapse of time 
 in which I devoted 
 myself to many- 
 things, I again got 
 stung by the political 
 bee, and as a county 
 election was listed, I 
 decided to announce myself as a candidate 
 for one of the many offices, and as it was 
 immaterial what ticket I filed on, I 
 arranged accordingly to tackle the County 
 Commissionership — four thousand dol- 
 lars. But on my way to the courts to 
 have my petition filed, I discovered that 
 I, in some way, had lost the paper. This 
 necessitated another, and as I only had 
 one paper left, and this a Democratic one, 
 I was forced to file as a candidate on this 
 ticket; and as a consequence, I became a 
 Democratic candidate for the office of 
 County Treasurer. 
 
 [52] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 I noticed that two Germans had 
 already filed for this office, and I recall 
 my father saying that any Irishman 
 could beat two Dutchmen; and I know 
 now that he was right, for when the dust 
 had lifted and all was over, I was nomi- 
 nated for the great big office — ten or 
 twelve thousand dollars, and believe me, 
 I became a rather important factor in 
 the old town for the next week or so, 
 as it was one of the modern wonders to 
 have the name of John Jay McDevitt 
 proclaimed in big print as a real nominee. 
 
 But those in power realized that a 
 man of McDevitt's type would be a sure 
 factor in killing every other fellow's 
 chance, and they came to me with tears 
 in their eyes asking me to resign and 
 allow some good German to fill the 
 vacancy. You note that I was nominated 
 because of the fact that I was Irish and 
 now it's about to react. I will in all 
 truthfulness say that I was more inclined 
 
 [53] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 to remain on the ticket than to step 
 aside, but they made many offers; a few 
 they kept and others were cast to the 
 wind. But this at least happened: I 
 was handed twenty-five hundred dollars 
 and I took the cash. 
 
 Shortly after my election, or nomi- 
 nation, the entire bunch of candidates 
 tendered themselves a banquet ; but I was 
 out of town, and consequently they did 
 not make any effort to get me. I re- 
 turned in a few days and was somewhat 
 sore over the treatment; but I imme- 
 diately got busy and arranged to give 
 myself a banquet, which I did, and I had 
 an excellent time. It cost me a few 
 dollars, but it was worth it all. One of 
 the York State papers summed it up as 
 follows : 
 
 [54] 
 
HUMORIST AND 
 PHILOSOPHER 
 
 HE campaign has pro- 
 duced many results 
 — and one revelation. 
 "The revelation 
 is John Jay McDev- 
 itt, of Wilkes-Barre, 
 Pa. 
 
 "It was worth all this bother to 
 find that we possess Mr. McDevitt. 
 
 "It isn't every campaign that dis- 
 closes a gentleman, good fellow, humorist 
 and philosopher all rolled into one. 
 
 "Mr. McDevitt was nominated for 
 something or other, they say as a joke. 
 
 "Others not taking him seriously, he 
 didn't take himself so and resigned from 
 the ticket. 
 
 "That didn't prevent him being in 
 request for stump speeches, and he made 
 some dandy ones. 
 
 [55] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 "After election, as nobody tendered 
 him a banquet, he decided to tender one 
 to himself. He ordered the spread, as 
 host introduced himself to himself, and 
 as guest of honor responded; the whole 
 being appropriately finished by three 
 hearty cheers from McDevitt for Mc- 
 Devitt. 
 
 "John Jay McDevitt, of Wilkes- 
 Barre, Pa., deserves a lot of credit for 
 introducing a wholesome infusion of the 
 milk of human kindness and the sparkling 
 champagne of jocoseness into a rather 
 grim, bitter and strenuous struggle. 
 
 "We'd rather see a campaign like 
 McDevitt' s than one all gall, vinegar and 
 boneset tea. 
 
 "We'd rather see a man like Mc- 
 Devitt not take himself seriously enough, 
 but to pull off his coat and help the party, 
 than have a man take himself so seriously 
 that he won't help the party at all. 
 
 "The spectacle of McDevitt acting 
 as his own entertainment committee and 
 
 [56] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 after-dinner speaker is a great deal finer 
 than would be the spectacle of McDevitt 
 sulking because a delegation of obse- 
 quious gentlemen didn't appear and offer 
 him a monogrammed watch or a gold- 
 headed cane. 
 
 "If Wilkes-Barre didn't join in the 
 cheers from McDevitt, Wilkes-Barre 
 ought to. Anyhow, we will lend him a 
 hand and a throat. 
 
 "Hurrah for McDevitt, Democrat, 
 Philosopher, Humorist and all-around 
 Good Fellow!" 
 
 [57] 
 
EX-CANDIDATE 
 McDEVITT ADDRESSES 
 THE LADIES OF PARKER 
 CLUB 
 
 HJ. MCDEVITT, re- 
 tired Candidate for 
 County Treasurer, 
 lectured last night, 
 on "The Funny Side 
 of Politics, " before 
 the Parker Literary 
 Society at the Universalist Church, South 
 Main Street. "The Funny Side of 
 McDevitt" would be a more comprehen- 
 sive title for the lecture, as politics was 
 by no means his only subject. 
 
 He enlightened his auditors on the 
 question of "Why Green Lights Are on 
 the City Lockup"; he told them "Why 
 Women Should not Have Suffrage"; he 
 explained "Why no Men Should be on 
 School Boards"; he described "The Lack 
 of Intelligence Among the Voters in 
 
 [58] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 Certain Wards of the City" — the wards 
 where his own votes were light; he de- 
 clared that " Women are Nearly Always 
 Honest," and gave a reason for it; besides 
 tracing, in entertaining fashion, his own 
 political career and delving swiftly and 
 cleverly into a multitude of topics as 
 fancy dictated. 
 
 He ventured to take the stand that 
 it is not corrupt to give a man two dollars 
 for his vote. "He may need the two 
 dollars for a pair of shoes or something to 
 eat, and it is better for him to get the two 
 dollars than to have any opposing candi- 
 date buy his vote for one dollar and sixty 
 cents." 
 
 He spoke at length on the Irish, 
 being led to do this by the recollection of 
 the fact that he had been told to get off 
 the Democratic ticket because there were 
 seven Irishmen on it. McDevitt de- 
 clared that there cannot be too many 
 Irish any place, but complained that this 
 
 [59] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 view does not find the general acceptance 
 it ought to find. Then he switched to 
 the Lockup's green lights. 
 
 "You see the green lights on the 
 outside of the Lockup? Why are they 
 there? I'll tell you why. It is so a 
 Dutchman will not have so much trouble 
 in getting an Irishman there." 
 
 McDevitt sorrowfully deplored the 
 lack of intelligence among many of the 
 voters. "Why, for instance, I got only 
 two votes in the Tenth Ward. Tell me, 
 is there any intelligence in that ward? 
 And up in an East End ward I gave away 
 ninety-eight cigars (I know because I 
 counted them), and only four votes were 
 cast for me. Were there more than four 
 intelligent voters there?" 
 
 He said that although he believes 
 Miss Trescott will be sorry to be a member 
 of the School Board if she is elected, 
 nevertheless he believes that all the 
 members of the School Board should be 
 
 [60] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 women. "It is no place for men on the 
 School Board; they know nothing about 
 children. I have a brother with twelve 
 children, and he can remember the names 
 of only four of them. When he named 
 them, he ran out of saints after the 
 fourth and then had to get names from 
 palace cars and such things as that. Now 
 he can't remember the names of eight of 
 his own children." 
 
 [61] 
 
TALK TOO MUCH 
 TO TAKE GRAFT 
 
 g^r^V ./"-^-WTTTTrmTTrrmr^ 
 
 
 
 § 
 
 raj 
 
 IB 
 
 §^m® 
 
 HEN there is another 
 advantage to women 
 in public office. Wo- 
 men, as a rule, are 
 honest. They have 
 to be. They talk so 
 much that if they 
 were to take any graft they would soon 
 get themselves in wrong. 
 
 "But I don't believe in woman's 
 suffrage, and I believe most women do 
 not, because I asked one of them. 'Do 
 you believe in woman's suffrage?' and she 
 replied, 'No, we suffer enough already.' " 
 McDevitt warned his women audi- 
 tors that voting is strictly a masculine 
 job. "Why, if you women could vote, 
 you would all vote for the best-looking 
 man on the ticket and that would make 
 your husbands jealous and there would 
 be war in the family." 
 
 [62] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 McDevitt punctuated his philosoph- 
 ical advice and comment with many 
 anecdotes and jokes. Most of his stories 
 left his audience shouting with laughter. 
 Here are two of them : An Irish farmer, 
 while hoeing potatoes in a field one day, 
 was hailed by a priest who was passing 
 by. "Hello, Pat! what kind of potatoes 
 are you raising?' ' "And sure, father, 
 they're raw potatoes." "Smart you think 
 you are, Patrick, and I wonder if you know 
 your Catholic catechism as well as such 
 smart sayings?" And the farmer vowed 
 that he did. "Well, I'll ask you a ques- 
 tion, ' ' said the priest. "What is baptism?" 
 And the farmer, still hoeing the potatoes, 
 replied: "Five dollars, father; but before 
 you came here it was only three dollars." 
 
 McDevitt said he once owed Barney 
 O'Rourke, his landlord, sixty dollars for 
 rent. Barney came to him one day and 
 said if McDevitt would pay thirty dollars, 
 he would throw off the other half. "Well," 
 
 [63] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 said McDevitt, "since you have been so 
 kind as to throw off one-half, I don't 
 want you to exceed me in good nature, 
 so I will throw off the other half." 
 
 McDevitt was at times a conundrum 
 to his audience last night and there were 
 moments of suspense when the audience 
 did not know whether to be shocked by 
 McDevitt's radicalism or amused. In 
 most instances, however, his eccentricity 
 was so rich with humor that it captured 
 the crowd and most everybody laughed, 
 even if sometimes it would have been 
 much more conventional to be shocked. 
 
 Not infrequently McDevitt left his 
 audience gasping, especially by an utter 
 failure to guard his utterances on religious 
 differences. He said that people of today 
 think they are riot bigoted, but that 
 most of them are very much biased. 
 
 PENNILESS CANDIDATE 
 
 He told how he entered the race for 
 the county treasurership penniless, and 
 
 [64] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 how easy it was for him to get a place on 
 the ticket, and how hard it was for him to 
 get off. He said that to his knowledge 
 he did not spend a cent to get the nomina- 
 tion, although he received several contri- 
 butions to his campaign fund. He re- 
 membered receiving one dollar for making 
 a speech at a mass meeting in East End 
 and four dollars from Todd Walsh. And 
 then he had to get off the ticket because 
 there were too many Irish on it. "But 
 when Lincoln issued his proclamation 
 there were not too many Irish. They 
 were glad enough to get them as soldiers, 
 and they went, too." 
 
 And so McDevitt rambled on for an 
 hour or more with his audience — some- 
 times laughing, sometimes giggling, not 
 knowing whether it was time to laugh or 
 look angrily amazed, and sometimes 
 wondering very hard what kind of a man 
 was there before them, anyhow. 
 
 But McDevitt didn't care what his 
 audience thought or how they acted. He 
 
 [65] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 just went on and talked. He must be 
 pretty flush these days, for going upon 
 the car to the square he paid the re- 
 porter's car fare. Maybe the reader 
 thinks that's the reason he gets such a 
 long account of his lecture in the paper 
 this morning. Unworthy thought! 
 There's a stronger reason, and it is just 
 because McDevitt is McDevitt. There 
 is nobody like him. 
 
 [66] 
 
ADVICE TO 
 YOUNG GIRLS 
 
 iimiimij 
 
 SC^* *»3s 
 
 ?§»ip- 
 
 
 D 
 
 fV/sf^l 13 
 
 f%j^^\Mi 
 
 
 ON'T eat onions Wed- 
 nesday or Sunday 
 evenings. 
 
 Don't mind it if 
 your family tree is a 
 little shady; some 
 men prefer to sit in 
 the shade. 
 Don't imagine that it is your clever- 
 ness that inveigles the fellow away from 
 the other girl; sometimes the man in 
 question has something to do with it. 
 
 Keep yourself looking good, even 
 though your poor mother is obliged to do 
 the work. You must get a husband, you 
 know. 
 
 If your foot is number four, it will 
 take a number four shoe to fit it. 
 
 Don't speak of your sister's "cute" 
 children. Men, as a rule, look upon all 
 children as [whisper] brats. 
 
 [67] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 What the world terms "a good wife" 
 is not the most interesting kind of woman. 
 
 When old women begin to tell you 
 about a sensible girl, you don't have to see 
 her to know that she is very plain looking. 
 
 If you are aware of the fact that you 
 are not good looking, don't associate 
 with those who are. It makes a contrast 
 that does not help you any. 
 
 Always remember that you can jolly 
 any man by telling him how much differ- 
 ent he is from others. We all fall for this. 
 
 It don't hurt you if the world thinks 
 you go to church for the spiritual good it 
 will do you. You know yourself it is not so. 
 
 If you have been indiscreet, don't 
 tell your husband about it. He may 
 never find it out. 
 
 When out for a lunch with some 
 fellow, tell him to do the ordering, and 
 you will get more. 
 
 No girl ever looked good in her bare 
 feet. 
 
 [68] 
 
THINGS MEN 
 DON'T LIKE 
 
 O be kissed by a wo- 
 man he doesn't like. 
 To have the wo- 
 man he cares for tell 
 him how clever an- 
 other fellow is, par- 
 ticularly if he hap- 
 pens to be in the same line of business. 
 
 To hear a woman use slang or try to 
 be funny. 
 
 To be asked in the presence of the 
 mother and father to tell who he thinks 
 the baby looks like. 
 
 To have a girl tell her sister things a 
 a bit soft in his hearing. 
 
 To see the picture of his wife's 
 mother or father hanging in the parlor. 
 To hook his wife's dress three months 
 after their marriage. 
 
 To have a woman get the best of 
 him in an argument. 
 
 [69] 
 
MY VENTURE 
 
 WILL always recall the 
 day or two prior to 
 my sudden flight into 
 notoriety and, inci- 
 dentally, the great 
 White Way. Wilkes- 
 Barre had in other 
 days many men of the metropolitan 
 press here at times when the coal mines 
 lay idle as a matter of a coal strike. But 
 never before in the history of the town 
 had we so many of the special brand in 
 our midst. I found these writers a jolly 
 lot, good fellows all — some tall, others 
 short and stalky, but in one respect all 
 similar — drunk. 
 
 I appreciated the reasons of their 
 coming — I was hailed as a new star on 
 the horizon of novelty. I had conceived 
 a new and original idea. I was to be a 
 millionaire for a day and this is what 
 caused the big papers to send forth their 
 
 [70] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 best men to see and speak to McDevitt. 
 I had chartered my train and trained my 
 valet and, after engaging my private 
 physician, as I recalled reading sometime 
 when younger that great men die young, 
 I was not going to take any chances. The 
 hotel was crowded from top to bottom, 
 and the curious began to come this way 
 long before the morning sun had appeared 
 in the east. I suppose that's the appear- 
 ing point ; at least such was the case when 
 I was inclined to come forth from my 
 bed in the morning. But, thanks to 
 the development of personal intellect, I 
 have long since gotten away from early 
 rising. I was not cold to the fact that I 
 was the center of a curious crowd, and I 
 was forced to smile many and many a 
 time when the thought would occur to 
 me, and, to be candid, I would sometimes 
 take a look at myself in the glass and 
 endeavor to fathom the cause. 
 
 I was going to take a train to New 
 York and have one big day of it, and for 
 
 [71] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 this I had decided to spend, say fifteen 
 hundreds of dollars — money that came 
 easy, and why not ? It never really 
 occurred to me, in the ofTstart, that my 
 little venture would cause this general 
 uprising in the field of newspaperdom. 
 But how strange a lot we are after all ! 
 Here we find a character practically 
 unknown, who, because of his desires to 
 live like a money man for one day, the 
 world sits up and says to the news 
 gatherers, "Go forth and find out for me 
 what sort of man he is;" and forth they 
 went, but did they return with a proper 
 outline of the man? They think "yes." 
 but I know different. I know better than 
 anyone else what sort I am, and, after 
 reading the hundred and one accounts ap- 
 pearing in the different papers in this and 
 other countries, I sat back and laughed 
 — laughed as I never did before. Acres 
 of space were taken up in telling what I 
 was, how I made the money, and only in 
 
 [72] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 very few instances did I discover any- 
 thing near the truth. I felt that when 
 these chaps from the large cities, meaning 
 New York and Philadelphia, came this 
 way, they would look out to find this 
 fellow McDevitt, and I also know that 
 they had anticipated discovering a loud, 
 vulgar and illiterate being, one practically 
 void of refinement or good taste. But to 
 their surprise, they found a man who 
 happened to know his game, and at that 
 they must hand it to me for knowing 
 their weaknesses, for, like the small boys, 
 tell a big news man that you have noth- 
 ing to give him and all h — 1 can't keep him 
 away, and in my case I had it doped out 
 that if I am to get the best of this deal I 
 must appear less eager and anxious than 
 ever. Hence they realized that I was not 
 in the business for the sake of commercial- 
 izing my notoriety, and the result was 
 page after page of good old metropolitan 
 paper. 
 
 [73] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 I arose a little after noon on the day 
 of my departure, and I was greeted with 
 a loud cheer when I entered my dining 
 room. I had slept very peacefully the 
 night past and was feeling lovely. My 
 mail, consisting of more than one hundred 
 letters and telegrams, was handed to me 
 by my private secretary, and after a 
 hurried glance during my repast, mean- 
 ing light lunch, I noticed that I had re- 
 ceived many offers from the theatrical 
 world. But I was fixed on this. I 
 would not take up the stage ; mine was a 
 different aim. I had my valet procure 
 a lot of small coins, such as dollars and 
 five dollars, in gold, enough to fill two 
 pockets, and after taking a drink of some 
 imported water, I . stepped into my cab 
 or automobile and proceeded to my 
 train, which was now at the station. 
 Teddy had a big crowd, so did Bryan, 
 but I had more than either, and in look- 
 ing over the vast throng of the curious 
 
 [74] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 that had gathered, the thought again 
 occurred to me, "What does it all mean? 
 What am I doing that should attract 
 these people? I am not going forth to 
 save the land, nor have I accomplished 
 any wonderful feat. I have engaged a 
 special train and I am going to spend 
 some money.' ' Hence I concluded that 
 the reason for this outpouring of humanity 
 was due to the value placed on a dollar. 
 They wanted to see a man who thought 
 so little of a dollar; and when you have 
 it all analyzed, you will admit that the 
 bottom and top of everything has a 
 dollar value. If a man succeeds, how 
 much did he get? If you give the world 
 a patent, how much will you get? If you 
 paint a picture, what is it worth? 
 
 McDevitt is hiring a special train to 
 take him to New York. How much did 
 it cost and what will he spend? Every- 
 one in that crowd felt that I was a fool 
 and everyone in that crowd had a reason 
 
 [75] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 to think so. But was I? Ah, that's the 
 question! I knew what I was about, and 
 yet, believe me, I was told so often that 
 I was a fool that I began to think, "When 
 so many tell me this, there must be some- 
 thing in it." 
 
 I did want to have a big time and 
 feel the sensation of a day — a day that 
 would see my desires fulfilled, and now 
 my friends and enemies alike told me I was 
 an idiot. But me for the White Way, 
 regardless, and when the old train pulled 
 out after I had made a few speeches, I 
 settled down and felt at ease. But how 
 long would this continue? I would soon 
 be in the great big city and then, God 
 only knows, I would have a job on my 
 hands — reporters, camera fiends and the 
 multitude of curious, and I know some- 
 thing of New York and the novelty- 
 seeking populace. 
 
 A funny thing struck me, as the 
 train pulled out, when the conductor 
 
 [76] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 ——a— I—— — — — ■ !■■ ■»— — «M BI I I I I I ■ III I ■ 
 
 came to me and wanted to know where I 
 would care to have the train make stops — 
 I, who had been accustomed to having the 
 train stopped to have me put off, and this 
 happened more than once in my life — 
 to think that there really came a time 
 when I, John Jay, could give orders to 
 run or stop at my command. In order 
 to make sure that I was not dreaming, 
 I ordered the conductor to make a halt, 
 and to my surprise he did, and there we 
 stood on the top of old Wyoming, in my 
 train, and that train would not start until 
 I gave the signal. This was the first 
 great big laugh that I had and this was 
 worth it all. My newspaper friends sat 
 about me as I unraveled incidents of my 
 life, and they appeared to be having a 
 real big time. Every man had a bottle 
 of some sort in his hand and a black 
 cigar stuck in his mouth. I noticed 
 they drank very freely, as it was all paid 
 for, and they had no worry over the 
 
 [77] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 possibilities of a check along the line. 
 I was called out to the front to make a 
 few speeches as people had flocked along 
 the way to see my special pass their way. 
 I spoke to all those who gathered, and 
 they appeared to enjoy my stunt as 
 much as myself. I was rather tired and 
 weary after four or five hours' ride, and 
 was not the least bit displeased when we 
 struck our destination. The doctor asked 
 me, on the quiet, if I had a night shirt 
 with me; but realizing it would be 
 daylight before we would get to bed, I 
 told him that such a thing as a night 
 shirt was unnecessary, as I did not con- 
 template going to bed until daylight. It 
 recalled to mind, when a brother of mine 
 was married, I agreed to send him a bed 
 room suit; but times were a little hard, 
 hence I sent him a night shirt. 
 
 It was a very cold day, the twelfth 
 of January, 1912, the day that this fellow 
 McDevitt went forth on his "millionaire 
 
 [78] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 for a day" jaunt. But I was so busy, 
 from the time I left until I returned, that 
 I had really forgotten about the weather. 
 These reporters are an aggressive lot, and 
 yet extremely modest in comparison with 
 the camera fiends. We arrived at Jersey 
 City some time along six o'clock, and to 
 my surprise I found every news photog- 
 rapher from Philadelphia to Harlem 
 awaiting my arrival. I was requested to 
 stand and let them have an hour at the 
 taking of pictures, and after I had fixed 
 my face about twenty or thirty times, in 
 order that the picture would look as pleas- 
 ant and agreeable as possible, I was hauled 
 back into the car to have more taken. 
 The fact is, I was fast beginning to appre- 
 ciate my position in life. I was indeed a 
 novelty, and privacy for the next twenty - 
 four hours was out of the question, and 
 I might as well make up my mind to 
 make the best of it. I would laugh now 
 and then to myself and sometimes pub- 
 
 [79] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 licly, significant of the fact that I was 
 amused. My secretary, Mr. Lenahan, 
 took my hand, as I alighted from the 
 train after doing stunts for art's sake, 
 and ere I knew I was on my way to the 
 famous Waldorf Hotel, to mingle with the 
 real big lights of the city, and while I was 
 a little curious, I was withal anxious to 
 see what was coming next. 
 
 I got to the doors of the hotel, and 
 here again I was hailed by picture men, 
 and again I smiled for the good of the 
 news world. On entering the hotel, I 
 was met by a large delegation of promi- 
 nent people, including men and women, 
 all dressed to the queen's taste, but rather 
 stiff looking at their best. The women 
 had on these long gloves that are sold 
 by the yard and the rest of their bodies 
 covered very slightly with silk and lace, 
 perhaps not immodest, but yet question- 
 able at that. All the women smiled the 
 sort of smiles we hear about in books or 
 
 [80] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 plays, in which the smart set, or society 
 people, are depicted. Nothing actually 
 natural about it, and yet difficult to 
 describe. These people would not offend 
 one for the world, that is, I think not to 
 one's face, but might gossip a little on 
 the side. They, the women, all struck 
 me as having too much powder on their 
 faces, and I also concluded that they 
 wore a little too much jewelry; but they 
 say that this is all right, and no doubt is. 
 The men walked about smoking and 
 chatting, saluting the fair sex as they 
 passed and all endeavoring to appear 
 gentlemanly, even at the cost of physical 
 uneasiness. I shook hands with a large 
 number and all the while I was thinking 
 that these poor silly aristocrats are mak- 
 ing themselves believe that they are 
 going through a novel stunt, shaking the 
 hand of a new and curious factor. Per- 
 haps they entertained the idea that I was 
 flattering myself in having the privilege 
 
 [81] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 of meeting them. But I knew that it 
 was not an honor for me, as I had no 
 particular desire to mix with them and 
 felt more at home when in my two dollar 
 per week room in good old Wilkes-Earre. 
 My room in the hotel was all right, but 
 expensive. I noticed the paper was like 
 the kind in John Sweeny's new home in 
 Fort Forth, and I might say John is making 
 the place look rather up to date. He is 
 working every day, and John, as a rule, 
 takes care of his money, as he never 
 drinks and seldom goes out of his house 
 after supper. 
 
 The carpet was in keeping with the 
 rest of the room, or I should judge it was, 
 anyhow. But what got my eye was all 
 the side issues — two or three chiffoniers, 
 bureaus and other settings. I had little 
 use for this amount of furniture, as all 
 I had with me in my grip was a pair of 
 hose and an extra tie. 
 
 My mail was brought to my room, 
 and I was kept busy for some time talk- 
 
 [82] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 ing to reporters, answering questions of 
 the curious, looking at telegrams and 
 fixing my collar and neck tie in prepara- 
 tion for my first real, big swell dinner. 
 
 I was no sooner seated at the table 
 in the dining room than I was surrounded 
 by another new collection of news men. 
 Where they all came from gets me, but 
 they were there, with pencil and pad and 
 a million questions. The waiter that 
 served me must have received his train- 
 ing on the Erie, as it took him an hour to 
 get me a few eggs. I couldn't make out 
 the bill of fare, but knew I wanted eggs, 
 and I noticed about the time they 
 struck me they were higher than the 
 market price when I ordered them. If 
 you recall, eggs at this time cost some- 
 thing, and I will always, when anyone 
 mentions eggs in the future, think of the 
 fifteen dollars I paid for two. If I ever 
 hit the White Way again, I will endeavor 
 to have a few chickens with me. 
 
 [83] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 Now, at this time "y° urs " was feel- 
 ing slightly tired, and if I could have 
 gotten away quietly, I would have given 
 a thousand dollars. I wanted to sit by 
 myself some place and think it over. 
 But Mac, my boy, you must stick it out; 
 it will not be long before you are down 
 and out, clean broke and happy. 
 
 I gave the waiter three or four dollars, 
 and would have gone a few better, but 
 he never smiled all the while I was eating. 
 Some kid that takes up hats in the lobby 
 looked as if he was expecting a tip, so 
 I gave him two dollars and immediately 
 asked Dr. Sweeny and the others to get 
 me some place out of the atmosphere, as 
 I began to feel unnatural. 
 
 New York, the great big city that 
 we talk so much about — New York with 
 its avenues of novelty and attractions; 
 here were people come to see all that is 
 worth while, and never feel satisfied, only 
 when here and never content while here, 
 
 [8 4 ] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 God never meant this sort of thing for 
 men and women, and somehow I can't 
 make myself believe that folk are sincere 
 when they say they could live and die 
 within its boundaries. The sky don't 
 look real from Broadway and people act 
 either too friendly or insolent. They all 
 appear to impress you with the fact that 
 they are busy and would rather have you 
 think that they are making money than 
 developing character. Money every- 
 where — money. Men came telling me 
 how much advertising I received — so 
 much money. Go on the stage, my boy, 
 and get it when it's coming. Here was 
 McDevitt trying to dispose of so much 
 money, in order that he might again be 
 free and happy, and all New York kept 
 saying get more. Everywhere I went it 
 was the same cry: You can make a lot 
 of money. I looked at myself in one of 
 the mirrors, while sitting in Rector's, and 
 I looked tired. I was trying to be agree- 
 
 [85] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 able and courteous; but, John, it was 
 telling on you. I was willing to spend 
 my cash, but I was tired and weary 
 asking people to have something. Things 
 didn't cost enough and I was almost 
 anxious to have some one get a burglar to 
 hold me up and take what I had, so that 
 I might get back to the starting point. 
 I took in the play at George Cohan's 
 theater, "The Little Millionaire," and 
 George, it was all right; I appreciated 
 your kindness and I would like at the 
 time to tell you things that we always 
 think about the next day, but I was 
 pleased and I appreciated all the company 
 did to make things pleasant. Some one 
 intimated that Cohan was mixed up in 
 my stunt and that one Edwin Dunn was 
 here to frame up a deal. I will merely 
 say that such was not true, and will not 
 ask you to believe me if you feel other- 
 wise. McDevitt, you know who paid the 
 bill, don't you? 
 
 [86] 
 
QUESTIONS 
 
 WILL give a list of 
 questions that I have 
 been forced to an- 
 swer from fifty to 
 one hundred times 
 daily, and be it said 
 to my credit that I 
 remained good natured through it all: 
 
 When did you get the idea of taking 
 the special train? 
 
 Did the Board of Trade pay for it? 
 How much did the railroad company 
 give you? 
 
 Don't you think you were a fool to 
 spend your money in this way? 
 
 How much did you spend all told? 
 Are you going on the stage? 
 Were you ever in a big hotel before? 
 How much wine did you use when 
 you took the wine bath? 
 
 Why didn't you walk home? 
 Aren't you sorry now? 
 [87] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 Did you get much mail since your 
 trip? 
 
 Did many girls write to you? 
 
 Well, what are you going to do now? 
 
 The above is a partial list of the 
 questions that have been coming my way 
 ever since I made the trip to New York, 
 and if I were not of the temperament 
 that finds a peculiar humor in this sort, 
 I would be doing stunts with the have- 
 beens in some insane asylum. 
 
 Do something that attracts attention 
 
 and the world takes it for granted that 
 
 you are compelled to answer for your 
 
 doings. 
 
 And when one stops to think it over, 
 
 it is only right that the public should 
 
 know; hence I have endeavored to answer 
 
 all the questions in this little book; and 
 
 let us hope that all will take advantage 
 
 of the same, and, instead of coming to me 
 
 for their information, seek its pages. 
 
 [88] 
 
NEW YORK 
 
 
 
 O 
 
 
 . 
 
 
 NE thing that attract- 
 ed my attention 
 while in New York 
 was the ease with 
 which men spent 
 their money, and also 
 the invitations 
 extended to have something to eat and 
 drink. The fact is that when not en- 
 gaged in the business world the New 
 Yorker feels that he must spend his time 
 and money in going about eating, drink- 
 ing and now and then taking in a show 
 of some kind. They are not an overly 
 critical lot, and I find that it does not 
 require much to amuse them, just as long 
 as your act is not of the circus class. The 
 typical New Yorker is rather slow or dull 
 from an intellectual point of view. One 
 cannot get him away from New York in 
 conversation or any other way. 
 
 [89] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 The girls are very attractive from a 
 novel point of view, as they are all inclined 
 to lean toward the stage, and those not 
 on the bills are imitators of some popular 
 actress, and personally this don't hurt 
 them, for the women of the mimic world 
 are, as a rule, good dressers, although at 
 times a little stingy as to quantity. 
 
 Most everyone you meet will tell you 
 of his intimacy with some big people, 
 and they don't seem to understand that 
 the rest of the world has a few bright and 
 attractive people, not including Taft and 
 myself. Now, I don't object to hearing 
 a man boasting about his home town, for 
 "breathes there a man" who would not 
 like to have the other fellow imagine, or 
 at least make believe, that his particular 
 town, too, has men worthy of mention? 
 
 A New Yorker will treat you to the 
 best at his disposal if you can in return 
 add to his social prestige. This in some 
 respects is for no other purpose than that 
 
 [90] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 it will make his commercial side of life 
 more easy to develop, as they all seem to 
 want the things the big fellows have. 
 
 My friends insisted on me "doing the 
 town" and taking in some of the places 
 of note. I found myself in Churchill's 
 surrounded by a multitude of curious 
 folk, all anxious to have a look at the 
 "One Day Millionaire.' ' I ordered freely 
 and spent my money as artistically as I 
 knew how, and while I still had a good- 
 sized roll I felt that it would not be long 
 until I was down to the point when I 
 could say in all truthfulness, "Boys, me 
 for home; I am broke." 
 
 One of the events of the trip was a 
 hurried call or visit to the Friars Club. 
 Here I met a lot of good fellows, and it 
 was indeed a relief to get away from the 
 curious crowd for awhile and be able to 
 sit in a quiet corner and rest myself. My 
 friend, Mr. A. X. Hope, presented me with 
 a novel cigar lighter on behalf of the Club, 
 
 [91] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 and naturally I was compelled to say 
 something. This I did, and while Henry 
 Grady might have embellished the stories 
 of the South more vividly from a color 
 point of view, he could not in his most 
 palmy days make such an address as I 
 did that evening. Willie Collier was one 
 of many I was glad to have the privilege 
 to meet. He is one of the few comedians 
 whom I regard as funny. Willie is a 
 sober chap and is not given to laughter; 
 but the moment one meets him, you can 
 detect the spark of genuine humor in his 
 makeup, a humor that does not require 
 to be effective. 
 
 SOCIETY 
 
 Society to a man like McDevitt has 
 an entirely different aspect than to my 
 friend Mr. Vanderbilt, and while some 
 men condemn what we of America term 
 as high society for no other purpose than 
 to feel that they had their say, others 
 denounce it because they attract atten- 
 
 [92] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 tion. And then we have those who will 
 never get out of the manger. As for me, 
 I have neither regards nor malice for the 
 higher life of those addicted to big dinners 
 and cut flower gatherings. It is their all 
 and all, and human nature must have an 
 outlet; so let them go and spend their 
 cash, even though we who are more able 
 to think right know that they are foolish. 
 
 It is not a dangerous pastime; and 
 if they have the money, they have the 
 privilege to spend it as they see fit. 
 Now, personally I feel that they could do 
 much good with what Providence has 
 placed in their hands; but our objections 
 will not be heeded until they themselves 
 become sufficiently intelligent to appre- 
 ciate what we wish to convey. These 
 people are only living their lives on a 
 scale similar to what the less wealthy 
 would do if given the dollars and position. 
 
 We all admit they are not a happy 
 lot, nor are they even interesting; just a 
 
 [93] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 sort of human novel seekers, anxious to 
 appear smart and clever, without having 
 to labor to do so. I have no desire to be 
 rich, and when I say this I actually mean 
 it. To begin with, the possession of 
 extreme wealth must force one to selfish- 
 ness, and no mind fully human and in a 
 normal condition can be happy when 
 living in a world of selfishness. 
 
 It is utterly impossible to say a 
 prayer or to ask God to help you when 
 you are blind to the wants of your neigh- 
 bor, and it is just as absurd to go to 
 church, passing on your way homes for 
 the poor, hospitals and mission houses, 
 and call upon your Maker to give you 
 happiness, and you blindly passing it by. 
 If these rich folk could only get to think- 
 ing, we would not be forced to plead with 
 them to give the poor some assistance. 
 
 It is not because they are all hard 
 and void of human kindness that they 
 ignore the cry of the poor; but as they do 
 
 [94] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 not mix with this class, they cannot feel 
 as they do. If they could only be shown 
 how much genuine pleasure there is in 
 doing good, prove to them in some way, 
 in a way that would be impressive, many 
 of them would change their way and be- 
 come factors of some consequence. The 
 mind of the philosopher bears no malice 
 toward the wealthy class, only pity, and 
 as for me, I am really sorry for the per- 
 petual millionaires. They are a sad lot, 
 a make believe class, garbed with a 
 cloak of artifice and an assumed smile of 
 happiness. 
 
 [95] 
 
IMPRESSIONS OF 
 NEW YORK 
 
 BIG city and its people 
 high class spenders. 
 The men of New 
 York appear to have 
 more ambition and 
 energy than one finds 
 in men of other cities. 
 Everyone in the city is a novelty 
 seeker of some sort. 
 
 The first visit does not impress one 
 with its greatness; after having made 
 several visits, its real greatness strikes 
 you most forcibly. 
 
 Most everyone I met wanted to buy 
 me something to eat or drink. 
 
 Its people could have more light and 
 better sanitary conditions, and, all in all, 
 more comfort if they would forget about 
 the two or three minutes, which they 
 imagine they cannot spare, in going to and 
 from their homes. 
 
 [96] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 I found most every person I met the 
 possessor of a streak of good nature. A 
 dollar never looks big to them. 
 
 One seldom hears two real New 
 Yorkers talking "shop." 
 
 News becomes stale in this city in 
 less time than in any place in the world. 
 
 Most anyone can tell you the names 
 of the sporting editors or the cartoonists, 
 but no one appears to know the editorial 
 writers. 
 
 The average-sized building would 
 look big in other towns. 
 
 Unless one is familiar with the latest 
 shows, you are considered behind the 
 procession. 
 
 METROPOLITAN REPORTERS 
 
 The news men that came to our little 
 town, Wilkes-Barre, at the time when I 
 had arranged to go forth in my special, 
 were a queer lot of good fellows, and 
 while they all differed in many respects, 
 
 [97] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 I remarked that in one particular they 
 were all similar — "drunk." 
 
 I have a soft spot in my heart for the 
 pencil boys as, after one becomes to 
 understand them better, he will find them 
 a jolly crew, with a heart set properly 
 and a hand that is always willing to dip 
 when the appeal looks half decent. The 
 boys had an elegant time of it on the 
 train and appeared to be having a regular 
 holiday. They ate to their hearts' con- 
 tent. Of course, it was reasonable, for it 
 was all paid for by yours truly, and I 
 noticed they kept getting to the bottom 
 of the best wine, while the beer and 
 minor fluid was left to the workmen. 
 
 These men are always on the job 
 and have more troubles than the world 
 ever dreams of. They must throw aside 
 all forms of conventionality and let their 
 pride somewhat in the rear when on 
 many of their strange missions seeking 
 news. You will never find one of them 
 
 [98] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 with more than enough to get away with, 
 and I don't suppose they ever think of 
 the rainy season that we read so much 
 about in the Success Magazines, as you 
 can't find one of them that is not in 
 debt — to one of his fellow workers; and 
 the problem that has me going is how in 
 h — 1 they get away with it or who makes 
 good, as they are all alike, owing from one 
 hundred to two hundred dollars; and still 
 they go on. The language they use in 
 writing is not the same that they hand 
 you in conversation, and I venture to say 
 that very few indeed can get them on a 
 story. I know it was Greek to me, for 
 the phrases they use are of their own 
 make and only understood in their re- 
 spective circles. They love originality. 
 You can reach them more easily with a 
 good cigar than with a check. They will 
 go far to serve those who appreciate their 
 efforts. They make good husbands but 
 poor dads. They get less press notices 
 
 [99] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 than any other people on the map. They 
 mostly smoke cigarettes. You can't get 
 anything across on them that is not 
 genuine. Religion is seldom a part of 
 their lives. They are more kind and 
 charitable than the public knows. They 
 can make or break men or institutions in 
 shorter time than dynamiters. They 
 only laugh at original stunts, and will 
 always give credit where credit is due. 
 They are a good bunch, and may God 
 bless them! 
 
 [IOO] 
 
SIDE LIGHTS 
 CONCERNING MY TRIP 
 
 HILE in New York I 
 became tired and 
 wanted to get away 
 from the crowd for a 
 few minutes and 
 mingle with the peo- 
 ple who did not know 
 who I was. I jumped on a street car and 
 happened to be almost directly opposite 
 two young girls who were holding an 
 animated conversation in no inaudible 
 tones. "Say, Alice," one of them sud- 
 denly said, "I met that fellow who is 
 here acting like a millionaire. I was in 
 Churchill's last night when he came in, 
 and say, I surely was 'stung' ! Why he 
 was awfully plain looking and very rough ; 
 at any rate, so he appeared to me. Of 
 course, he may be all right, but every- 
 body must pass an opinion, you know. 
 Why he had on a tie that looked about 
 
 [IOI] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 five years old and an old brown suit, 
 Well, really, Alice, to tell you the truth, 
 he looked more like a Brooklyn bartender 
 than he did like a millionaire." 
 
 The morning after the Clover Club 
 affair in Philadelphia, and as I was on my 
 way to New York, I happened to notice 
 my picture on the front page of the 
 "North American" a fellow sitting next 
 to me was looking over. Naturally 
 enough, I leaned over to get a look at 
 my own picture, when the fellow turned 
 around, and excusing myself, I said I 
 just wanted to get a look at the One Day 
 Millionaire. "Say," said he, "that damn 
 fool has his mug stuck every place I look." 
 I agreed with him, although he did not 
 know how truthfully he spoke. 
 
 The night I struck New York we 
 attended a play and then took in several 
 of the big cafes. We were booked for 
 Shanley's, and on arriving there I was 
 told to go to a certain part of the dining 
 
 [102] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 room as they had a table reserved for us. 
 The colored waiter was standing at the 
 place designated, and when I saw the 
 card bearing my name I seated myself, 
 but was promptly told to get another 
 table as that one was reserved for a 
 millionaire who was expected soon. 
 
 I endeavored to explain that I was 
 the "millionaire," but he laughed the 
 derisive laugh that only a colored man 
 knows how to laugh, and said, "Why you 
 be no more millionaire than I be." 
 
 When I returned home, I called to 
 see my mother and father, and even yet 
 they are a little dubious about my taking 
 the trip. Mother said, "John, they say 
 it's in the papers that you spent five 
 hundred dollars to go on a train to New 
 York." But I was forced to tell her that 
 it was not so, as poor mother would 
 think that that was the worst sin imagin- 
 able. "And," said she, "Mrs. McGady 
 said that it was in the paper that you 
 
 [103] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 took a bath in wine that cost over fifty 
 dollars. Sure no one would be foolish 
 enough to put that much wine in a bath 
 tub." Poor mother can't imagine that 
 anyone ever paid more than twenty- 
 five cents for a meal, and it is only lately 
 that she knew for a fact that they did. 
 "But I suppose you have to pay more than 
 that for an extra fine meal, John." And 
 I told her that in some places it cost 
 a little more than that. "Oh," I said, 
 "if a person wants a real good meal, say 
 in a place like Shanley's, it will cost as 
 high as forty cents; that is, if you want 
 to drink wine with it." "Think of that 
 much money," she said, "just for one 
 meal. My, it's awful!" 
 
 [104] 
 

 feCl* *1J^A 
 
 
 if 
 
 t ll'll'llll 11. 
 
 
 s 
 
 AT THE CLOVER 
 CLUB BANQUET 
 
 FEW days after my 
 return from New 
 York, having dis- 
 posed of my own 
 money and some of 
 my friends', Dr. 
 Sweeny and Mr. 
 Lenahan, I found that I was very much 
 in demand as a speaker, as more than a 
 hundred letters and telegrams awaited 
 me. All invitations to some club or 
 other. I had made a little history and the 
 world was curious to see the uncouth (?) 
 Irish lad with the new idea. 
 
 Among the number of telegrams was 
 one from the Clover Club of Philadelphia 
 inviting me to speak at their annual 
 banquet to be held at the Bellevue- 
 Stratford. The affair is best told by a 
 clipping taken from the Philadelphia 
 "Inquirer": 
 
 [ "5 ] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 "The big laugh of the evening came 
 when Governor Bunn introduced the 
 next speaker. He said that it has always 
 been the custom of the Clover Club to 
 have one set speech at every banquet 
 and to get a man of national note to 
 respond. He said that all the noise made 
 recently about a certain man from Wilkes- 
 Barre was nothing more or less than the 
 work of the press agent of the Clover 
 Club, who was preparing a candidate for 
 Clover honors. 'He is with us tonight 
 and he will respond to the toast, "The 
 Lottery of Money." Gentlemen, I have 
 the great pleasure in presenting to you 
 Mr. John Jay McDevitt, of Wilkes- 
 Barre.' 
 
 MCDEVITT MAKES A HIT 
 
 "There was a roar of laughter and 
 much applause when the famous million- 
 aire for a day arose, brushed the wrinkles 
 from his brown sack coat, pushed back 
 his lock of sandy hair, adjusted his string 
 
 [106] 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 bow, cleared his throat and struck a pos- 
 ture for his speech. 
 
 " 'Would you like to have a little 
 music with it?' asked toastmaster ex- 
 Governor Bunn. Quick as a flash, Mc- 
 Devitt said: 'No, thank you, Governor; 
 I always carry my own fiddle with me.' 
 Then he set out upon his speech, which 
 was fairly bristling with wit and humor 
 and compelled roars of laughter. Those 
 who had come prepared to scoff or jeer 
 were moved to genuine appreciation, and 
 the best and sharpest tongues of the Club 
 were silenced by the man from the mining 
 regions. 
 
 " Tm only a sort of a dreamer like 
 the rest of you,' said McDevitt, by way 
 of introducing himself, and hastily added, 
 'but, unlike the rest of you, I had the 
 nerve to fulfil my dreams — I really tasted 
 of the joys of being a millionaire. ' This 
 sally was greeted with an outburst of 
 laughter, and McDevitt following up 
 
 [107] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE 
 
 his advantages, declared that while in 
 New York he noticed that the rich people 
 never laughed — only at banquets. 
 
 " Tor ten years/ he continued, 'I 
 wandered along in a sort of an aimless 
 way. I saw all the acts in burlesque and 
 vaudeville and all the moving pictures, 
 and I thought that possibly the million- 
 aires had other things with which to 
 amuse themselves; but they haven't, I 
 rubbed elbows with men who had mil- 
 lions; some of them had brains, but they 
 were in the minority, and I had all the 
 good things which millionaires are sup- 
 posed to have, but I am glad to get back 
 to my real self.' 
 
 " Asked how he happened to be 
 nominated for office, he replied that he 
 had some influence in a small district 
 which gave a normal vote of about 
 two hundred and thirty. 'But we stretch 
 it to about three hundred or four hundred 
 whenever an Irishman is on the ticket/ 
 
 [108J 
 
FOR A DAY 
 
 he exclaimed. 'Last fall there were two 
 Germans on the ticket for the one office, 
 so I saw my chance and got on, because 
 I figured out that one Irishman can beat 
 two Dutchman any day.' 
 
 "McDevitt said that one day he was 
 asked to name the three greatest men of the 
 century. 'I was always a great admirer 
 of Mark Twain, so I named him as one 
 and Tolstoi as the other, and not wanting 
 to become personal I stopped there/ 
 
 "When one considered that the 
 Cloverites invited McDevitt to their 
 function with the intention of making a 
 'goat' of him and the way in which he 
 held his ground, it is a question of who 
 was the 'goat.' They had the stage all 
 set for a beautiful little comedy in which 
 McDevitt was to play the part of the 
 harassed plebeian. He was going to be 
 shown up for fair, his advertising proclivi- 
 ties ridiculed, his crude speech mimicked, 
 his faltering utterances in the presence 
 
 [109] 
 
A MILLIONAIRE FOR A DAY 
 
 of that august company held up to 
 satire. 
 
 "But McDevitt came right back. 
 When he began to speak, the members 
 started their usual tactics of interrupting, 
 but he had a quick and humorous 
 answer ready for every question. In a 
 few minutes the millionaire for a day, who 
 was the only one in the company not 
 attired in evening clothes, had the mem- 
 bers and guests laughing so heartily that 
 they could not utter a word. The pres- 
 ence of justices of the Supreme Court, 
 mayors, judges, city solicitors, public 
 officials and millionaires did not feaze 
 him in the slightest. He told them a 
 bunch of funny stories they had never 
 heard before, and he joshed them about 
 their dinner and called them a 'sad lot.' 
 
 "In a way, this man McDevitt is a 
 great deal of a philosopher. He put forth 
 a few new sayings of his own that ex- 
 cited the admiration as well as the 
 laughter of the guests." 
 
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