M'j Oynsaisnee ! Watkikj ^raimDle Cutler's OF A [V^MDESCE IS AMERICA, mdist perfof mitt(j a profitable iheutricat Engage- me III : beating the nonsem'ical •FA.^i\¥ MEMBLl^ JOUIrir¥Ali ALL HOLLOW!!! Copyright secured, in conformity with an act of Congress* PaiLADBLPlilA; ; Publisbed to Purchase for the Authoress a being aboxtt to honor Uirii HBil HIND IN WEDLOCK. mmm Pub! TANXV TIII.MBLE IX UAl.riMORE. A door siidd(-nly opened in one of the large bouses, and splash came a big bowl of water in my lace.— Ptfrjre 28. MY CONSCIENCE! FANNY THIMBLE CUTLER'S JTOURMAI. OF A RESIDENCE IN AMERICA^ ^^' to^flst })erforminfl a PROFITABLE THEATRICAL ENGAGEMENT: BEATING THE NONSENSICAL FA]V]\ir KiiinBiif: journai- ALL HOLLOW!!! ,Cop2/ Right secured according to Law, PUBLISHED TO PURCHASE FOR THE AUTHORESS BEING ABOUT TO HONOR FIERCE CUTLER, ESQ. WITH HER HAND IN WEDLOCK. 1835 z Entered aceording to the Act of Congress, in the year 1835, by Alexander Turnbull, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court; in and for the Eastern District of Fennsylva- iua« .*v jroiJRNAl., Wednesday, Sept. bth. New York, America. Myconcience! who'd have thought it; there, it is written, I am Fanny Thimble, and no one else; this is my big toe and as I live, it has grown a crop of corns since I got on board ship. Here is New York, the little Lunnun, by my faith; andit is no other place. Monstrous change! but I must get out of my berth or I will loose my breakfast. As I live there is that gouty old fellow B peeping through the half shut bhnds of my state room door; I wish Pa would catch him there, the good for nothing, worn out, gouty old wretch. Ah, he has taken the hint and vanished. Eat breakfast for the last time on board our good ship Warrior ; swallowed six muffins, seven eggs and eight cups of coffee to keep the damp out of my stomach, for it is a real Liverpool day. Cold gray clouds, tipped with rose pink and a slight touch of indigo, hovered over us as we got on board of the steamer which landed us in an hour on the wharf at New York and for the first time 1 soiled my pretty English shoes with Yankee dirt. The wharf was ciowded by men, women and boys who gave three cheers for Fanny Thim- ble and followed us in a mob to our Hotel which was situated in their most lasliionable street cal- led Broadway though it is very narrow and filthy. The women ] saw seemed as if dressed out at an old Jew's shop in the strand; — tawdriness was the only thing remarkable about them save their flat noses, big feet and black and rotten teeth. 1 was glad to get into the Hotel from the gaze of the crowd, and my dear papa might have felt glad too, for in the long hall of the "Tavern, he was welcomed by the Mayor, Judges, and City Authorities, and by scores of Generals, Colonels, Majors, Captains, &c. &c., who presented him in the name of the corporation with a valuable gold snuff box for having honored their City so high- ly as to bring his dear daughter, myself, across the salt pond to shew them what they never saw before, pretty acting by a pretty Lunnun gal. Dined at three; dinner tolerable — wine passable, brandy so, so ; desert abominable, nothing but peaches grapes, plums, cantelopes and watermel- lons, with maggoty cheese and sour bread, was showed to my bed chamber; the window blinds being shut it was quite dark and on asking the chambermaid what crackled so under my i'ect, (just like torpedoes) she said she calculated it was the bugs trying to get out, as no one had slept there for the last month, when she opened the window, sure enough there they scamper- ed as thick as fruit in plumb pudding, and I found I had killed my thousands, not with the jaw bone of an ass but with the delicate feet of anlEnglish beauty. Had the room swept and put to rights, my dear papa saw after his own comfort and went to the Theatre in the eve- mng with Colonel poor lonesome I; — stitched and drank wine till ten, then turned into bed, a little " how come you so," and dreamt of home, mother Thimble, and all the little Thimbles. Thursday, mh, 1 have been in the tantrums greatest part of Ihe day owing to the numerous visitors I had to receive. Dressed as Lady Teazle, I sat at the end of the long hall on a kind of raised platform or throne, over and around which was suspended rich crimson and blue drapery. The chair I sat in was made of mahogany, and splendidly gilt; in fact, I felt for awhile, as though I was in reality some great royal personage, — an empress, or queen at least. Each side of me stood six hand- somely dressed ladies, and the visitors were in- troduced by four elegant alderman, dressed in small clothes, chapeaux and sword. In the cen- tre of the ball, from top to bottom, about lOO armed volunteers were stationed with fixed bayo- nets to keep order. Those who were honoured by*a shake of my hand proceeded up the righ side of the passage, and having given their sa- lute, passed down the left side of the military and left the house to make room for others; — there could not have been less than 500,000 men, boys, girls, old maids, widows and wives, who partook of a squeeze of my hand, which feels the excessive pressure of an old drunken blacksmith V grip till now. J was careful to wear gloves, lest I might catch the itch, which they tell me \s very common here. Some of the people kneeled iio me and kissed my shoes, whilst others laid offerings of strings of pearl, gold rings, broaclies, bouquets of flowers, &c. at my feet, and many a good looking fellow called me an angel. The Governor opened the ceremony, having come all the way from Albany for the purpose. After kneeling, blowing his nose, and kissing my hand, he made the following delightful poetical speech : like Buttermilk, tliy face is fair; Like IMammoth's bones, thy talents rare ; To tliis great land I welcome thee* Angel or maid which e'er thou be. After the ceremony, I had to drink toast in punch, and actually got so far '' how come you so," as to hug and kiss the old Governor, and play some droll tricks, till my dear, dear papa, who no doubt was merry himself, had me put to bed. I awoke about daylight, had a glass of julip in bed, and slept again 'till eight; when Colonel called and helped me to lace my stays. Kind soul, I don't know what I would do without him. Breakfasted at nine; eat a wild duck and forty buckwheat cakes; took an- other julip, and dressed, with the Colonel's assist- ance, for a ride to the Five Points. Friday, 1th. Breakfasted at nine; the Colonel called at ten with an open barouche, and we set off for that pleasant resort of the fashionables, (the Five Points); on arriving in its neighbourhood, we were struck with the change of appearance of the ladies from those promenading or residing in the liltljy Broadway. Here all displayed a careless kind of negligee, and wore loose and airish dresses, whilst many of the most beautiful were seen taking their gin bitters in the different houses of entertainment with which this little earthly paradise abounds. Few men could be seen, as we were informed it was not considered polite, or genteel for them to promenade in that quarter till night, when hundreds of the elite poured forth the soft and seducing tale of love into the ears of the innocent and credulous virgins of the Points, When we were about leaving this consecrated spot of love, beauty and fashion, we were hurra'd and cheered to the skies. "Kerchiefs waved ; shawls floated in the air. And plaudits came from voices rich and rare." Arrived at our hotel at eleven ; was introduced to a young Philadelphian, Mr. Fierce C ; he was civil spoken, somewhat quakerish, but my dear, dear papa says he is worth a plumb,— and a goose that may be easily caught. By my troth we shall see ; a plum is not to be had every day. He dines with us at five, -I'll appear at table as Rosalie Summers before she sees Plastic. As 1 live, I forgot my julip; must ring for it. Must make my first appearance on Monday; 'twill soon come, and 1 really dread to face these v)\e Yankees. D— n them, as the critic says, who cares for, IMerchants, butchers, tailors nimble, — They must adore sweet Fanny Thimble. s Saturday, lotL Qucwrelled with my maid— paid her, and told her I had no further use for her. She called me a lazy slut, and said if the people knew as much about me as she did, I would be hissed off the stage on my iirst appearance. What could she know about me din ing a three day's engagement.? — ray blood boiled within me, and I threw my shoe at her; when — oh, impudence most vile — • she flew at me and boxed my ears till they fairly rang with pain, telling me I had got the wrong- sow by the ear; hired girls were free and inde- pendent, and she would have her rights and de- fend herself from insult though she died for itj then with a sarcastic grin, she made a low curt- sey, bid me good morning, and hoped that the ears of the sweet, dear, delightful Fanny, would be cooled by Monday night, as the medicine she had a, found it proceeded from a coloured woman's child, who the mother was holding out from a berth above me. Got \\\) \n a blaze, told the woman she was an impudent devil for coming among whites, and was laughed at by a dozen or so ot" chambermaids who were strutting up and down the floor. One of them had the shocking barbarity, whilst I was wiping the smarting fluid from my eyes, to ask me if she should tell the waiter to bring the house cloth to wipe my face. J cursed her, liberty and equal- ity into the bargain, and then proceeded upon deck, which was literally crammed with blacks, laborers, and every thing vile in my English eyes. Told pa of the ladies' cabin scene, he laughed — told me never to mind it, the poor devil was only exhibiting the Cataract of the Ganges in minia- ture. My dear beau, who 1 really begin to feel a fancy for, invited me to a seat, which he pur- chased for a dollar from a negro girl that had oc- cupied it. I was glad to squat down, and I realy felt in a comparative Heaven, after drink- ing a delightful julip pa brought me from the bar. We were soon landed and placed in the rail road car, which it appears was arranged on purpose for our reception by the oflicers of the company, who had a flag on it bearing iny name. Pa, C, myself, and the president of the rail road managers took our seats, when a band behind struck up '* hail, beauteus maid," and the train moved otf in fine style for Camden. In our car all manner of refreshments were provided, and the president oft'ered his services to make julips, at which I found he was very expert, and as the day was a little cool I helped myself freely to 17 them. — Arrived at Camden, and was soon waft-- ed over the Delaware to the crowded, straight, iand filthy streets of Philadelphia. A triumphal arch was raised across Chesnut street wharf for us to walk under, and a coach and six await- ed our arrival, and imniediateiy carried us to Jonny Cox's, the first Hotel in the city ; situate at the corner of Small and Sixth streets. We were informed by the landlord that his vast es- tablishment was crowded by the members of the Bobolition Society, and after politely sending us out some delicious soused liver, and a large bowl of rot-gut, and another of white eye, he recom- mended us to the Mansion House, kept by one Mr Foot, a famous foot by the way it is in pro- viding for the body. Shown to a small room scarce large enough to turn round in, and felt al- most suft'ocated with the smell of coffee roasting, which opperation filled the house with smoke. — Changed my dress and met pa and Mr. C. in the parlour which was allotted to us, and which I xaus^t say, was tolerably passable. Took some ice cream, talked love to C for an hour or two, and after supper, which was excellent, I retired to rest» and slept soundly till eight next morning* After breakfast J pa told me to hurry in my dress- ing, as we were to be escorted to the navy yard to see the greatest ship in the world: and be received by the chief Burgess and councils of the city, together with distinguished Members of Con- gress, Judges, Aldermen, Justices of the Peace &c. At ten, being trigged out in my *' best bib 18 puB tucker" I heard the stirring- sounds of mar- tial music approaching our hotel, and soon saw the beautiful regiment that protects {he Governor from the savages that still abound round the seas' of Government of the state. They are called the ** Hollow Gaurds" and are the finest looking set of fellows I have seen in America. Their Colonel, the renowned and war worn Pluck, came into our parlour, with his staff of field ofli- cers. He told us he was commanded to escort us to the navy yard. They were handed retresh- ments, and we soon entered a barouche drawn by an elephant, two lions, and sixty six cream colored horses, borrowed for the occasion from a small menagerie in the town. On arriving at the navy yard we were saluted with five hundred guns from the battery on the river. Arches wreathed with flowers were raised over the path- way, and a carpet of rich crimson velvet was spread from the gate to the deck of the Pensyl- vania. At the entrance of the yard we were re- ceived by the chief burgess and other dignitaries who conducted us to the Ship through a double line of upwards of five thousand marines. This ship is a gum sneezer, but one of our fiigates with a picked crew of Britsh Tars would soon I calculate, send her to Davy Jones' locker in the twinkling of a mosche^toe's eye. Partook of a handsome eolation; was conducted down the plat- form we had an hour ago ascended and proc<^ed- ingto the river were conveyed on board a large steam boat fall of flags and scrolls bearing my name in gold letters. We proceeded enlivened by a band of music, to the mouth of the romantic little creek called Schuylkill and after a short 11> pas^sage were landed at Market street wharf, where taking a canal boat we were soon at that so much puffed up and talked about place called Fairmount from which they supply the city v;ith a quantity of muddy, nasty water; not tit for the stomach, unless filtered and julipized. Fair- mount consists of a little hill on which are built large tanks for receiving- the water, and distribu- ting- through the town by means of India rubber Ibose which are stretched along the gutters and kept in order by a multitude of ragged urc'iins who sell nuts and cakes and beer at the same time. Across the Schuylkill a mill dam is stretch 'd to obstruct the water and feed the pumps. An old wooden image of a woman spouts up water like a lemonader's fountain, and tv/o black geese, which they call swans, swim about in a couple of httle ponds . One view of the serpentine river in St. James park is worth a dozen such sights like the Quakers' Fairmount. Partook of refresh- ments and were trundled home in the same style we visited the ship in; only the Colonel and pri- vates of the Hollow Guards seemed tolerably *' how come j^ou so. " Arrived at our hotel and were received with one hundred cheers from the populace, two hundred thousand of v/hom lined the street in front of our lodgings, on entering which I threw myself flat on the floor of our par- lour being fairly done over with kindness. Alas, for poor little me ! 20 t^elt so fatigued when I awoke, I could scarce teat breakfast; C. called at nine in a coach, and took pa and poor little me to his elegant mansion, where we were introduced to his relatives and some dozens of the elite of the city, assembled there for the express purpose of being honored with our acquaintance. 1 thought the N. York women bad enough looking; but, by my troth, they are angels in comparison to the Philadel- phia females. The latter having extremely dark skins, thick lips, flat noses, and most abominable large feet and thick ancles, owing, I suppose, to the amalgamation system introduced by VVilliam Penn. Their dress is somewhat bordering on the rediculous : the ladies wearing frocks and pantaloons, the former article being so short as to scarce reach halfway to the knee. They have already introduced my bonnet here, which, worn with the dress described, causes them to look like fusileers, or sharp shooters. The men wear drab breeches, half-moon coats, and broad-brim hats, and are about as boorish in their manners as the ladies are awkward in theirs. After parta- king of a handsome eolation, C accompained us to the Lyceum Theatre, where we are to play to night: pa as Romeo, poor little me as Juliet. — The Lyceum is the largest and most fashionable Theatre in the city, situate in South below Eighth street. It is built ot white granite, the basement being occupied as an extensive livery stable, where my intended keeps his valuable stud of horses. (I am told he is a great jockey,) — The eutrance is through a splendid saloon, occupied 21 as a bar room, and the stage and audience de- partment is at least forty feet from the ground. — ' The stock company, I think, is bettei- than they have at the Park. There is a little Theatre in a narrow lane called Chesnut street, owned by Heyvvood, Sprat, & Higginbottom, where they play tragedy, comedy, and farce by means of automatons. They have also what they call the American Theatre, fitted up in a large shed, cor- ner of Eighteenth and Walnut streets, where, I am told, the Yankees sometimes play tolerably decent. That an American should play v/ell is truly astonishing, as they are mostly destitute of education. The University, in this place, resembles a prison, and what few students attend it spend the greater part of their time in playing marbles in the lot adjoining it. The teachers are all Frenchmen, or Dutchmen, hence the cause o^ their speaking such intolerable En- glish. Went home, took a julip, and stitched away like the very devil till dinnertime; after dinner took a nap — woke at five, put out my toggery, pottered about till tea time, swallowed a julip, and set off to astonish tljo natives, which I did to all creation, judging from the deafening shouts of applause v/liich shook the building, though 1 knew 1 Vv^as wilfully murdering poor Juliet, but they perceived it not, my worst acting being very far superior to the best they had ever before seen. Did not like to see pa pay so much attention to the supernumerary girls, some of Avhom are very pretty; told him of it when we got home, he said I was a fool, and ought to re- verence him more than to be prying into every 2^ thing- he done ; thought he was just like all other men, and prayed he might be kept out of tem- tation. Arose, dressed, and aftier taking my julip took a walk solus. Saw the bakers delivering their bread out of carts that had been used the day before for carrying dirt; the milkmaids' pails looked more like English slop buckets than any thing I can compare them to. I was up this morning at least two hours before the generality of decent housekeepers arise. X was lucky how- ever in finding a hackney coach, which odly enough had painted on its side in large letters — ** Furniture Carriage." Not wishing to converse with the driver I received his assistance, jump'd in, and ordered him to drive me to the Fish Mar- ket. As soon as we arrived there the greatest scene occurred I ever witnessed.- — The fish wo- men set up such a hurrahing for Fanny Thimble that really some of the newly caught fish were brought to life, and releasing themselves from the gold bedizzened baskets of their owners, sprang once more into their native element. 7'he fish mongers were as bad as the fish, for they jump'd up till two or three of them fell down dead — ** Dead as herrings. Herrings that are red," from having split their skulls against the market roof, which is not more than fifty feet high.— 23 Without any ceremony they tied a kerchief full of paving stones to the feet of each corse, and flung them into the Delaware, singing some wild dirge, the burthen of which was — Your bodies are gone To the land of the leal. They'll be fed upon. By catfish aud eel. Like the nigger in Lunnun, Who fell in the beer, Though husbands are undone. Such flesh will sell dear. No more with your fingers. You'll tear off the skin. While life warmly lingers- The cat-fish within. They've got you, '"tis plain. Yet .don't think it hard. We'll see your sweet flesh again Fried in hogs' lard. I would fain have made my escape, but two stout wenches held the reins of the horses un- til they had filled the wagon, coach, or car, up to my middle, — my feet and legs were literally imbedded with all kinds of fish, from a minnow to a sturgeon. They then brought a large bowl of whiskey punch, of which they made me par- take freely, and then with one hundred and a half cheers let me depart for my hotel. Mr. Foot, on hearing of the compliment, said he would repay me for my spoiled dress, and have me thoroughly scrubbed from the smell of the fish if 1 would give him the load, I accepted 24 the offer, and have just reached my chamber af- ter one of the most brutal scrubbings dear little me ever had ; by my troth, I don't believe there's a bit of skin on my body, — as Dennis Bulgrud- dery says, "to the devil I pitch such ticklers of girl's flesh." Woke up at dawn of day, suffering the most excruciating agony from the loss of my skin. — Sent for the most eminent physician in the city, whose name is Burton. Like all their eminent men of talent he belongs to the African race. — He ordered me to be soft sponged with sweet oil, and to be annointed with Swaim's Panacea, a miraculous medicine, which has in many iu«« stances made old men young again. Pa put the decoction on vv^ith anew white- wash brush, and in less than five minutes I was covered with a coat of most beautiful skin, free from freckle, wrinkle, or any blemish whatever; when my love sick Yankee Doodle came to accompany us to rehearsal, he scarce knew me, I had altered so much for the better. Rehearsed the Hunch- back, thought Master Walter paid more atten- tion to a dancing girl of about sixteen years old than he did about his part, or his poor little me either. Felt sorry for dear ma ; but am deter- mined to watch him so close, that he will be un- able to get into a scrape. Went home, accom- panied by C. — Got him to read, in his way, Don Juan ; when he came to the part where the lov- ers were discovered in the arbour, I sobbed out aloud thinking of the dancing girl and dad, who had given us the slip on our way to our Hotel, admired Byron; how well thy sympathetic soul knew how to picture the follies of thine owu 25 cumbusticated sex. After dinner went a riding with my dear Fierce — he has really won my heart, — mounted on one of his Arabian steeds, looked, as one of the respectable penny dailies declared, like Cleopatra sailing in a whale boat. What an exquisite hietaphor! I have made a :mera of it, and shall send a copy of the paper to ma, in order to have it placed in the British Mu- seum. I played better this evening than I did on my first appearance. Pa. seemed careless — looked as if he was about being made drunk, and I wished the little dancing devil H— gins, was being roasted **down below !" After the play, went home, pa went to bed, said he had the headache, and 1 and Fierce determined, sa7is re- gard to gentility, to enjoy an hour or two of the full moon hght on the "Banks of the Schuylkill so pleasant and gay." We wandered to the Callowhill St. Bridge the gates of which were thus early shut, and though there were a great many more beside myself and beau that wished to go across, the toll keeper would not come down to open a pas- sage for us. His excuse might have been a good one— ''his guid wife," he said had the cholic, and he was just going to steam her. Thinking of an old gypsey song, I suited the action to the words, and soon bounded over every obstacle. " He will neither open bar or lock. So I'll jump gate though I tear my frock, Tweedle dum dee, Tweedle dum dee, Alas, and I toie both my gown and smock." 26 " Most prophetic quotation," said Fierce, when he had huddled himself over, '* you have tore your (Iress to the very skin, and about three feet length will give you an idea of the upward slit the latch of the gate made when you caught on it in your descent." '* Never mind," said I, *' plenty more where that came from." He pinned it, which answered to keep the wind out 'till we got to the Hotel opposite side of the river, where one of the maids stitched it up for me, not without many questions as to how 1 got my tatters so badly torn. I stopped her mouth with a half dollar, and cleared my throat of the dust with a long draught of the exquisite lime punch they there make. We started to- wards JMarket St. Bridge about eleven o'clock; but instead of navigating along the banks of the stream, we found they were all mud and splat- terdockified, and the only nightingales to be heard, was the moon- worshiping bull frog, crying "Blood an ouns! blood an ouns, an ouns, I eat the flesh of all that drowns." Listened to their music with great pleasure; asked Fierce to sing the Poachers, he tried, but by my bridal troth, he could not croak half as well as the frogs. On descending the hill that leads from the Upper Ferry Road to the Bridge over MarketSt , Idiscovered a gentleman hand a lady out of a carriage, and both entered an Inn. Here we stopped and called for a bowl of punch; entered the sitting roonn, where, O, shocking, horrid; pa was — Oh, dear! 1 blur my writing as I pen down the dark and most atrocious deed; — pa, 1 say, leaned over the 27 dancing imp in the act of — how shall I express it, for my heart wringing sobs and sighs — in the act of blowing his nose with one hand, whilst he helped the she devil to a glass of Ma- deira with the other. 1 screamed, he upset the table, looked confounded, I seized the girl, and would have torn her to pieces but for one of his roseate Romeo smiles, and the recollection of the reverence I should feel for my dear, dear, sweet, kind papa. Pa, speechified the audience last night on the occasion of our benefit and poor little me had to stand along side of him, whilst he spoke compli- ments to the Philadelphia boors he felt were nei- ther deserving, or just. Had a thousand dollars in the house clear of all expenses; but a thou- sand dollars is a mere drop in the bucket to one of my standing. At eight having breakfasted on stewed tripe and honimony (a kind of horse dish) we mounted the studs furnished by my dear C — , and accompanied by him took a grand tour thro' the principle streets of the city to the admiration of thousands who anxiously gazed at the fearless riders. Joining C 's carriage, in which was our baggage and negroes to take charge of the horses when we preferred a ride in the coach, we all set off for Baltimore. After getting near Darby, my steed having spied a mare in an adja- cent fields cocked up his ears, shook his gallant sides and before I could say mint julip carried me over a fence and left me wallowing in a filthy ditch t'other side. I'ierce soon pulled me out; 28 hut 1 was in a pretty pickle and smelt for all the world like an old sow after a bath in a mud pud- dle. 1 walked to the tavern where callinii" for a julip and large tub of water I was soon righted again both inwardly and outwardly; but am re- solved never to ride a stallion again as long as I live. They were full tv/o hOur& catching "Arab steed " who with the others was given in charge of the negroes whose place we took in the carri- age and after a cool glass of punch and sprink- ling the seats with " eau de cologne" we went off at a tine rate for Baltimore. ^yell here we are safe and sound in the mon- umental city. Well may it be called so, as the inhabitants look as solemncholiy as if they were going to a funeral : fear this place wont put much cash in our pockets. The girls wear my bonnet here, by Jupiter ; I shall douse the little negligee, wear one of a diHerent cut and give the miliners another Job of Thimble work, for T verily believe if I were to walk the streets in a night cap, the ladies would follow the fashion instauter. Went with Pa to see the Theatre but before we got there, a door suddenly open'd in one of the large houses and splash came a big howl of water in my face, '* beg pardon ma'am " said the infernal slewer that did it, " its lucky water ma'am a child was christened in it." Pa threatened to com- plain to the police, — she laughed and slammed the door to. — So much for liberty and equality. I v.'as tearing mad I swear, and pa tried to joke lue into a good hunj.our, when just as we arrived 29 in sight of the Front street Theatre, down came a bucket full of soap suds on his new hat and coat. He daram'd, I laughed, and remembering his joke about the Cataract of the Ganges, told him they were merely rehearsing Monsieur Ton- son up stairs, and conceiting he was Tom King gave him a ducking. The devil take such a town said he; I hope we'll storm it said I ; I'll have revenge said pa by gosh, and leaving me at the Theatre Hotel he wentotFto prosecute the gen lie Iluth that had so bedaubed him. Such is the practice of throwing out water fcora high win- dows in this city that nearly a hundred, children get drowned in a week by the sudden flood (hat carries them like a sweeping and devastating tor- rent down the gutters, from which the strolling pigs root them out and feast luxuriantly on dead niggers. The manager came into the Hotel; took a julip with him and visited the Theatre, a tol- erable large place ; felt unwell and navigated my pretty little body home as quick as thought. Woke up at eight, went to stitching up a dress for Queen Dollalolla, in Tom Thumb. Pa play- ed Mr. Noodle. Like our Hotel very much — plenty of wild game and oysters on table. After breakfast the church bells began ringing, guns fired and the mob huzzaed. On enquiring the reason was told the governor had come from Annapolis to pay us his respects. We were soon conducted to the Court-house, where we were received with the most humiliating courte- sy. Kissing my feet, kneeling, &c. &c., were 30 again enacted- The Governor was a tolerably good looking fellow, and paid me much atten- tion ; said he indeed wished he was a widow- er for my sake. Cutler did'nt relish the joke, as the Governor is a rich man. After being show- ed off for an hour returned to the Hotel with my dear C. Pa came home at two, so fuddled he could eat no dinner. Dispensed with rehearsal, went to the Theatre at five ; the house a perfect jam. — Pit, Gallery, Box, running over on to the stage ; played amidst a crowd of impertinent men and boys. Was ofiered a dram of whiskey out ot" a bottle, which I greatly gulped at, and pottered with the fellow an hour or two for his politeness. ^Vhen the curtain fell, pa staggered out to thank them for our warm reception, — (wet, he should have said) in Baltimore, and the orchestra struck up an old English tune they have christened the " Star Spangled Banner." Left pa at Theatre ; went home, sang, and spark- ed with C. till twelve ; took a wild fowl supper with him, swallowed a hovA of punch, and re- tired to bed, where the bugs bit through my night cap, and actually tore my smock to fritters. Bugs, bugs, how can you be so heathenish, as to torment the delicate flesh before whose beautiful little form lordly man bows down to worship and adorify, by calling it divine, angelic, paragonic, incomprehensiticationified and perfectly perfecti- fied. Hence, vile bugs ! — lay in your holes like your namesakes the bug editors, till you can find more vulgar carcases to phlebotomise. 3\ Woke up early, dawdled about till breakfast, at ten Mr. C. called in his carriage and took poor little me solus, to be introduced to one of the highest, richest, and most distinguished fam- ilies in the city. Pa could'nt go, having the- atrical business to transact with D . On ar- riving at a large mansion we were shown into the most splendid drawing room I had ever seen in this country. A beautiful large piano stood at one end of the room — directly two young and lovely ladies entered, to whom I was introduced as the Miss H s'. They took their seats at the very extremity of the room from us, and ad- •dressing Fierce familiarly said, pa and ma most likely would be in in about an hour ; they then went to bead-working as unconcerned as if there was nobody else in the roqm. I at last asked, thinking them bashful on account of my distin- guished presence, if they ever played and sung as they had such a fine instrument beside them. — Without answering me, they arose, retired abruptly from the room, and in bounced a ser- vant to say our carriage waited us. The devil and Doctor Fan stus, says I to Cutler, did you bring me here to be insulted? Am I not insul- ted as well ? — said he ! But I was in such a glow of rage, 1 could not keep my dander down and I told their servant to tell them they were a couple of impudent, ignorant, ragtag and bobtail sluts and hussies, and should be shown up in my journal, then jumping into the coach reques- ted to be driven home as quick as the devil, for I was as hot as Old Sam could be, and if I did not get my rage smothered with a julip, I should 32 certainly burst and set fire to the town by a shower of ejected brimstone blazes of real John Bull knock down and drag out anger. We are at home. Waiter, the julip- — let it be sweet and strong — 'tis here '* and quick as lightening down Qny throat it goes' ' I iee\ a little cooler, but by the blood of the Thimbles, which has flowed through the most distinguished veins since the days of Noah, is it not too bad that !, the fairest representative the family ever had, should be insulted by a couple of ITankee gals. It shant be borne; pa shall challenge the father, and Tierce the brother, if they have any. Poor Cutler, 1 fear I displayed too much of my natural temper to him; he may be alarmed lest I show more of it when I have him hooked. ]'ll tell pa to get writings drawn out to-morrow which he shall sign and seal, or no longer be a gallant of mine. Be fairly shook when he saw the English fire sparkle and flash, like the priming of a forty- eight pounder, from my eyes, and no doubt has gone home vexed and mortified as well as fright- ened. I'll send after him this very minute, d — n'd if I don't. — Oh, la! I committed swearing — well, it's no sin, only a devilish bad practice. Curse Baltimore, I say, I'll wipe the dust from my feet when I leave it; — must ring for another julip, and take an hour's nap, if the fleas and bugs will let rae. Dreamt all night of the dreadful insult 1 had re- ceived ; cursed the authors of it fifty times in my sleep, and if it was not tor the sake of somebody 33 rd go right otr tins moment and vvollop the jades into a respect for my dignity. Poor pa, he went to bed in a high state of fever about the affair, and swore by all the ghosts of the Thimbles, the Siddons, &c. &c. he'd shoot the d— nd wretches if it was not against the law. Ah, waiter, you seem to know by instinct when I arise — a letter so early, who can it be from ; I'll sip ray julip tind then peruse its contents, — best glass 1 have drank for a week. Now for the billet deux ; — To Miss Fanny Thimble, "miss;" miss eh ; what, no respect paid to my name ? '* I had not the pleasure of being at home yesterday when you were introduced to my daughters." — bless my soul, this is no doubt an humble apology for their rude treatment; well what else does he say ? — ** but not wishing you to remain ignorant of the cause of your cool reception I will plainly tell you that your presumption in pushing your- self among respectable society argues eiuier a high degree of ignorance, or the possession of a fund of the most unblushing and daring impu- dence. Had T or any of my family w^ished to see you, like viewing the learned ape, we could have had our wish gratified for fifty cents at the Theatre. Your whole race, as far as I can trace them in theatrical v/orks, have lived rather the lives of gypsies than christians, and I really believe the ancestor who sold old clothes in ragged row was the most respectable among your tribe. If a wealthy ignoramus chooses to lower the dignity of his family by marrying a third rate strolling actress, he must not attempt to insult the friends of that family by forcibly striving to introduce you into society where you are neither desired nor hold claim to its respect 34 yours, etc., H /' *****## * * * # Clouds burst; thunders roll; light- nings flash ; flood gates of the sky open and pour down a deluge ; and thou mighty ocean, that rolls only a short way ofl^, sweep with thy briny bil- lows over the inhabitants of this accursed city, and make it an example of the wrath that roust sooner or later befal those who dare insult the honorable name of Thimble ! Now pa, to shotr thee this, and if you dont cowhide him before you sleep, may the devil carry him off before morning, and scorch his daughters noses black and their cheeks saff'ron. Furies! Did I command the storm, the thunder or the sea I'd be revenged, republican on thee, After a pleasant ride of a few hours, reached Washington City, where we put up at what they call a first rate Hotel, but a more miserable set of apartments no poor devil of an Englishwoman was ever put in. It was literally overrun by members of Congress and their wives, who really imagine, by the airs they take, that their husbands belong to the House of Parliament. Shortly after our arrival we called on the President, and was introduced to him in a large and splendidly furnished room. He shook hands with us, said he hoped we would be pleased with America, and turning on his heels quite impolitely, left us to talk to a little squab bald headed Dutchman, who actually smelt of sour crout. This man, we were told by the gentleman waiter, was Martin Van Buren, a candidate for President himself, when Jackson goes out. 1 hope he will learn politeness before he is elected, or the people will 86 be ruled by a boor. Was offered wine and cake and told this was the President's busiest day. Swallowed the champaign, and proceeded to view the city, which I pronounce the ugliest place in the world, and its inhabitants, in winter time, half savage and half civilized. They send a learned baboon from the west to a seat in Con- gress, and have christened it Davy Crockett. The lazy bell tolled to dinner, and into the din- ing-room we pottered, pretty hungry and dry. As we took our seats, the ladies on each side of the table, rose, as I thought, in respect to me; when, O ! warriors and shades of despair, judge my surprise, when the landlord told us the other females refused to dine with me or pa, but we could eat in a short time with the servants. *' Servants," said pa, I'd have you know I am as high born and proud as your shabby looking Congressmen that grin around. "No noise," said he of the Inn. **Turn him out at once, and his strolling daughter," cried some one at the end of the room ; and before you could say tipety witchet, out of doors we were huddled, Cutler and all, and had to seek quarters in a little beer house at the other end of the town. The women are jealous of my charms — they envy me my dear Cutler, who can't easily cut me, having bound himself in writing to marry me. Ten thousand devils and Yankee furies have been let loose against me in the shape of woman's tongue. A gross conspiracy is raised against me; but if Fanny Thimble don't cut them to the quick before she becomes a Cutler, then she'll cut stick across the water and cut what capers she pleases in her Journal. I'll punish them, damme. 3G L } Vh^Inll . ^^^ ^^T^'^^PP^^ ""^^^ Baltimore, and arrived u Ihiladelphia yesterday; went to Cutler's own house and ook up our residence. Pa has sold my Journal for twent thousand dollars! To-morrow I go to Christ Church and give myself away to my dear, sili;, rich and loving Fihhce CuTLEK, whose wealth will enable me to cutadashjeadthe vi^i Zf h ^ /^'' 'T-^ ^"^ ^'^'''^ would-be-quality that fo h. <^h "^1 f ""^ '^"""J ^^^ P°^* ^'^« ^^-it^^ the hymns" tor the church has composed a chaunt; it is to be sung in full choir after the wedding ■ " o ^" *"^* Dear, sweet, smiling Fanny, now don't be afraid, To thl^.'h.*'/ "\^'"™/. «"d learn wedlock's trade; X o the soft bed of love dear, go hie thee away ro kiss, and drink julip till beams a new day. To-morrow, pa, dear, dear, pa sails for England. If he persuades King Billy to declare war against the Yankee Doodles, he s going to send a frigate for us. Heigho! how time flies tis night, the rooms are full of horse jockies, and merchants, quiU drivers and the devil knows what, enioyinc iny farewell maiden party. Went down, swallowed s xteea glasses o punch ofl' hand; listened to "the bonny christ church bells ringing joyful peals for my wedding eve. Sat on C. s lap, whilst pa went through a jig with aS old maid Quakeress, lierce, a little "how come you so," hope he'll keep sober to-morrow night. Huzza, pa and the quakeress are both floored,— punch too strong for the understanding — Fierce and I stole out slyly ; popped into one of the theatres, ■when, by all that s fiendish some fellows set up a hiss and cried " turn 'em out turn out the impudent authoress o'f the blackguard Journal.'; Fierce and I flew, and endeavoring ta make our retreat, neither being very sober, we tumbled one over the other down the box stairs.— Got out, called a coach and reached home ; found visitors drunk as the devil —pa and C. T»'ere put to bed; I stuck it out till all retired, when 1 drank curses on all that is American. By the Gods, 'tis well [ have most ended, as I feel my head reeling like the very devil — I'll lay on the carpet as I'm a maid ! * Farewell, farewell my Journal grand May YOU meet with a great demand. And buyers weep that poor Utile me, J?houId thus so devilish tipscy be, On the night before, I'm to be a bride, And evermore in my own coach ride, Tiddery I, de eh, de oh. FINIS.