^*?^. 
 
 1 PR liff i't':|ii|i 
 
 1 Irs ■■'■liiiSi 
 
 
 
 ^ 
 
 Hn«a!U': 
 
 ■ 
 
 
 H|;>iii''v.' 
 
 
 ■- 
 
 :■ 
 
 
 
 Tij^'jIliSM 
 
 ;:...! 
 
 Mi. 
 
 '':■ 
 \ 
 
 
 
 k 
 
 '^^IlillHIi:: 
 
 Pl^!i^!!-iv%^*t!i: 
 
 'jV.ii . ' {"■]»(» 
 
 fe!|i 
 
THE GARTNAYEl MIBfSTRELj 
 
 CONSISTING OF 
 
 ©lEtlHAIL FUSCJiS I'M IHTMl, 
 
 COMIC &. SENTIMENTAL, 
 
 WITH NOTES, 
 
 AND A 
 
 GLASGOW: 
 
 COMPOSED, PRINTED, AND PUBLISHED, 
 
 BY J. R. ADAM, 62, York Street. 
 
 St 
 
 1845. 
 

 ENTERED AT STATION KRS HALL 
 
 El :r 
 
 BOCb JAMES 8. CHILDtRS 
 
TO THE 
 
 HONOURABLE JAMES LUMSDEN, 
 
 My Lord, 
 
 The idea of dedicating this small trifle 
 to your Lordship, first suggested itself to me while 
 an inmate of the ' Glasgow Royal Lunatic Asy- 
 lum,' on observing the uniformly kind interest 
 evinced by your Lordship in every method adopted 
 by Dr Hutcheson having a tendency to adminis- 
 ter amusement to the mind diseased. And I now 
 make bold to crave your Lordship's distinguished 
 patronage to this little work, on the ground, that 
 many of these rhymes were originally composed, 
 recited, or sung, solely with the view to effect 
 thaf desirable object. 
 
 It were a work of supererogation in me to di- 
 late upon the many other instances of benevo- 
 lence and philanthropy for which your Lordship 
 has been so long distinguished among your fel- 
 low-citizens, I shall not, therefore, trespass 
 further than merely to state, that the majority 
 
of the pieces herein contained were originally 
 printed on detached scraps for distribution among 
 the inmates ; and I had the satisfaction of seeing 
 considerable mirth excited on singing and recit- 
 ing some of them. They would never have been 
 brought before the public in this, or perhaps any 
 other form, but for circumstances which I have 
 endeavoured to explain in the short outline of 
 my life prefixed to this small volume, and to 
 which I would humbly beg to call your Lord- 
 ship's attention, the whole having been composed 
 and printed by myself, thus forming a kind of 
 vara avis in literature ; and for any errors or de- 
 ficiencies which may appear, in so far as the 
 operation of printing is concerned, I trust an indul- 
 gent public will make every due allowance, when 
 it is understood that I knew nothing whatever of 
 printing when I commenced, and that what has 
 been produced is altogether the fruits of labour 
 and long perseverance. 
 In the hope that this liberty will be excused, 
 
 I have the honour to be. 
 
 With profound respect, • 
 
 Your Lordship's most obedient 
 humble Servant, 
 
 J. R. ADAM 
 Glasgow, 62 York Street, 1845. 
 
LIFE OF THE AUTHOR, 
 
 Written By Himself. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 The following brief sketch of my life I have been in- 
 duced to prefix to this small volume, not from any desire 
 of personal notoriety, nor from any vain idea that having 
 produced the few trifling pieces contained in it, any par- 
 ticular interest should thus attach to my nan-ative: but 
 independent of any little merit some of my attempts at 
 rhyme may have been said to possess, the very peculiar, 
 or I should say, singular manner in which the whole has 
 been brought forward, may create for a time at least, a 
 small share of attention. It occurred to me (every other 
 means having failed, ) that this little work might be em- 
 ployed as the vehicle for drawing public notice, to a sys- 
 tem of ci*uelty, injustice, and oppression, practised toward 
 my fether and family, under the specious guise of laiVj 
 and that too by some of our neai-^est relatives. 
 
 My father from time to time circulated at consider- 
 able expense, print-ed and lithographed statements of his 
 case: but it was not to be expected that much attention 
 would be paid to these by any, save his most intimate 
 friends, and those interested in some way or other in the 
 success of his claims. 
 
 In the following narrative I have endeavoured to 
 bring out the leading features of my father's case, blended 
 to a certain extent, with the principal events of my own 
 life, in the hope that the two combined, may provl suffi- 
 ciently interesting to repay the reader for a careful per- 
 usal. It may be as well however to premise, that in order 
 to the proper elucidaton of facts, it will be necessary to 
 mention undisguisedly the names of individuals; and if 
 any of the parties thus brought forward, consider tlieir 
 
6 
 
 characters traduced, that motives and actions are ascrib- 
 ed to them to which as honourable persons they could not 
 be accessory, they will have no difficulty in finding out the 
 Author, Printer, and Publisher, as it happens all three in 
 this instance are combined in one and the same individual 
 who may always be found or heard of, at Mr. Alexander 
 Brown's, No. 62 York Street, Glasgow. 
 
 BIOGRAPHICAL SKETCH. 
 
 I was born at Colinslee, a property which along 
 with several thousand pounds, was inherited by my fa- 
 ther from a grand-uncle. 
 
 It is situated about a mile south of Paisley, and was 
 at the period. of my birth, and for many years both before 
 and after, an extensive bleaching concern. 
 
 When my father got possession of Colinslee, it 
 might be worth from Three to Four Thousand Pounds ; 
 but from subsequent outlays, in extending the works, im- 
 proving the grounds, farm and so forth, it may be said to 
 have tripled its original value. 
 
 As to my doings at school, etc. it will be unnecessary 
 here to dwell; suffice it to say that my education was sim- 
 ilar to that generally given to young persons in a respec- 
 table station in society ; but I cannot say that I ever en- 
 tertained the slightest wish to shine in any of the learned 
 professions. To enter the army was the chief object of my 
 ambition, and about this period often importuned my fa- 
 ther to that effect: but being an only son, it was perhaps 
 natural enough that he should wish me to remain at home 
 and follow his own business, which was then in a prosperous 
 condition. About this time however my fathers only bro- 
 ther returned from Malta, where he had resided as a mer- 
 chant for several years; having settled the business which 
 brought him to this country, he proposed that I should go 
 out along with him to acquire a knowledge of business. 
 
 Although quite pleased at the prospect of going to a' 
 foreign country it was a severe trial to part whith a ten- 
 der mother and loving sisters: but part we did. My fa- 
 
ther accompanied us to Greenock, and took leave of us 
 on board of the steamer which conveyed ns to Liv9l*pool, 
 from whence we sailed for Malta and arrived after a good 
 passage. Many incidents occured to me during my stay 
 of two and a half years in this pleasant gay little island. 
 Some of these might be thought to savour more of 
 romance than reality; but they being all foreign to 
 the immediate object in view, it will be unnecessary 
 to dwell upon them at present. My uncle died sud- 
 denly, which event was the immediate cause of many 
 material changes in my situation and Way of life; being 
 too young, and inexperienced to carry on the business, 1 
 availed myself of an early opportunity of returning home, 
 where some events, of considerable importance to the fatn- 
 ily, had occurred during my absence. My grandfather, Mr 
 King of Lonend,had died,leaving his property to be shared 
 equally by his four surviving children, of whom my mother 
 wa« one; the will required that the cotton-mills, coal-pits, 
 and in short, all the property that belonged to the deceas- 
 ed should be sold; and my father being the only person of 
 business habits connected with the concern, was chosen 
 to superintend the trust, and execute the will of the do- 
 nor. In an evil hour he accepted of the appointment; and 
 though he sold upwards of £30,000 worth of trust proper- 
 ty, he never received a shilling for his trouble, though he 
 "wa« advised by some of his best friends to charge a com- 
 mission, to which he was clearly entitled; but being a re- 
 lative, did not choose to press the point. This was noth- 
 ing in reality to what followed. A coal-work (part of the 
 property then unsold,) met with a misfortune, and it was 
 resolved by the Trustees to expend several thousands on 
 'renovating and improving the works, so as to bring them 
 into the market in a workable state ; this was several years 
 in accomplishing, and my father (tho' to the great neglect 
 of his own more immediate affairs,) continued to devote 
 the greatest portion of his time, to the operations going 
 on at the coal-work ; ^!^" paying all accounts, workmen's 
 wages J ^c.^c. out of his own pHvate funds. 
 
8 
 
 It may be as well to state here, that all those oper- 
 ations were authorised, and afterwards approved of by 
 an ejtperienced coal proprietor, Mr. Wilson of Dundy van. 
 
 Meantime I had commenced taking charge of the 
 bleaching concern at Colinslee; and seeing that the busi- 
 ness was likely to do well, provided some further additions 
 were made to the works, I was led to request an advance 
 from my mother of £500, towards being a part of the ex- 
 pence requisite for their erection, and thus become part- 
 ner in the concern, under the firm of John Adam ^ Son. 
 
 Previous however to taking this step, I had ascertain- 
 ed to my entire satisfaction, that the trust estate of the 
 late Mr. King of Lonend, was indebted to my father to 
 the amount of at least £6000. Neither did I then con- 
 ceive, there could be any obstacle in the way of its recov- 
 ery: judge then of my astonishment, when he informed 
 me some time afterwards, that the Revd. Dr. Hamilton 
 of Strathblane, (who had married a maternal aunt,) 
 backed by Mr. Robt. Wylie, writer. Paisley, had refused 
 to pay him his just demands. 
 
 Now it may be requisite here to explain, that this 
 Mr. Wylie was, and still is, the principal legal adviser in 
 matters relating to the trust: this being the case I could 
 never understand the propriety, of allowing him to act 
 also as a trustee; but he was nominated by the adverse 
 party, who no doubt calculated that so powerful an acces- 
 sion to the clique would enable them to resist to the ut- 
 most my father's demands for justice; and judging from 
 the past, it becomes evident that they have not been far 
 astray in their calculations. Had Mr. Wylie acted in his 
 legal capacity, with fairness and impartiality: had he can- 
 didly urged upon the Revd. Dr. Hamilton (who knew no- 
 thing of business,) the necessity of an immediate settle- 
 ment of my father's claims upon the estate: had he acted 
 thus, instead of backing out the Revd. Gentleman in ev- 
 ery kind of vexatious opposition, the affairs of John Ad- 
 am §' Son would at this period, have assumed a very dif- 
 ferent aspect; for it now became evident, that unless im- 
 
9 
 
 mediate assistance were given, a bankruptcy must ensue, 
 and in order to avoid this, Mr. R. Wylie was sent for to 
 advance £^00 of the family 'a money, when the works 
 alone could have been let at a rental of £400 per annum; 
 but to extricate my father out of his difficulties, was nei- 
 ther the object of the law agent, nor his advisers: but on 
 the contrary to crush him if possible, and thereby prevent 
 him from ever again demanding justice at their hands. 
 
 Can I ever forget the morning when this call for 
 assistance was made upon Mr. R. Wylie ? or shall I ever 
 cease to remember how he spurned the united entreaties 
 of a whole family, mother, sisters, and all: to save them 
 from ruin and disgrace by advanciny a few hundred 
 pounds of their oivn money ! Till at length my mother 
 (who no doubt felt keenly the stinging refusal of the pal- 
 try boon) expressed herself to the effect, that it was use- 
 less to urge him any further, as he had no more feeling 
 than that bush: pointing at the same time to one on the 
 walk. Whoever witnessed this scene, must recollect his 
 manner and mode of reply: ^^ " Madam tou shall re- 
 pent THIS " was the short but heroic sentence. The 
 Animus herein displayed, it were idle to comment upon: 
 it speaks for itself; and this too, from one who had and 
 has since pocketed hundreds, under the pretence that he 
 was protecting the family's interests ! 
 
 And did he not redeem the pledge conveyed in his 
 magnanimous and gallant intimation ? 
 
 Was he not the primary cause, by refusing a timely 
 advance ? and the willing tool of other interested parties, 
 of driving to bankruptcy and ruin a respectable man, 
 who had sustained his credit for upwards of 40 years ! 
 and that too, for comparatively speaking a small sum ? 
 
 The liabilities of the Company, including personal 
 debts, not exceeding altogether the sum of — £2700 ! 
 while the authenticated documents and stamped receipts 
 in my father's possession of claims on the Trust Estate 
 of the late Mr. King amount to nearly — £7000 ! ! ! 
 This is exclusive of bad debts, incurred tlu-ough the coal 
 depot cashier, Mr. Thompson, and others to about £6000. 
 
10 
 
 Seeing therefore from the sycophancy, ignorance, or 
 design of the law agent, that the bankruptcy of John Adam 
 ^ Son must follow, although I had not yet reaped the be- 
 nefit of a year in business, I resolved upon proceeding to 
 America, before the impending blow was struck, but which 
 I knew no efforts of mine could avail in warding off. 
 
 No vessel being ready to go from Greenock, I proceed- 
 ed to Belfast, but was there disappointed also, and after 
 wandering about in Ireland for several weeks, unknowing 
 and unknown, and finding the little money I had run short, 
 I enlisted with a party of the 95th Regt. getting the rout 
 immediately after to join the depot in Guernsey. As how- 
 ever my 6 years and 9 months' soldiering has little or no 
 bearing upon the object I have in view by drawing up the 
 present narrative, I shall in the meantime pass it over in 
 comparative silence. I may state briefly that although in 
 the humble capacity in which I was thus doomed to enter 
 the army I liked the service beyond what could have been 
 expected, and although I might at times repine in secret at 
 the thought of those untoward circumstances, which caus- 
 ed me to bear 60 rounds of ball cartridge and brown Bess 
 upon my shoulders, instead of a pair of epaulettes, yet a- 
 mid the ever varying scenes at home and abroad, I felt 
 comparatively happy, and strove to forget my misfortunes. 
 I joined the service companies in Corfu and returned home 
 with them when their term of duty in the Mediterranean 
 was completed. Having landed at Cork we made the 
 grand regimental tour through Ireland. It was there I 
 got married and arriving at last at Belfast, the very place 
 where I at first enlisted, it was there it was destined I 
 «hould also terminate my military life. 
 
 Having been granted a furlough to see my friends, 
 I took along with me my wife and infant son; my mother 
 and sisters werie so well pleased with both, that they in- 
 sisted that I should apply for my discharge; accordingly 
 on my return to the Hegiment I did so, and on paying 
 the regulated sum of £20 obtained it, with the charac- 
 ter " good " attached thereto by my commanding OflSoer, 
 Lieut. Col. James Campbell, K. H. 
 
11 
 
 On returning home, every thing was done to make 
 our situation comfortable, and beginning about the same 
 time to take some interest in the calico printing, then 
 carried on at Colinslee, I learned that at the sequestra- 
 tion of the property, which took place shortly after I left: 
 a loss of upwards of £3000 had been incurred, owing in 
 part to the place remaining without a tenant upwards of 
 3 years, but chiefly to the loss in the sale of bleaching u- 
 tensils. One item alone which cost £800 was sold a short 
 time afterwards for £80 ! It is scarcely to be expected 
 that I could derive much consolation from the recital of 
 such monstrous sacrifices, and these brought about by 
 the instrumentality of the very party paid to protect us, 
 and I do indeed humbly consider, that the law agents 
 Messrs. Wylie, Rodger, ^ Co., or more properly Mr. Rt. 
 "VVylie individually, should be held liable for this part of 
 the loss, more especially when it is considered, that the 
 catastrophe in toto, was brought on by the learned Gen- 
 tleman in order to gratify the desire, it may be pi'esum- 
 ed, of seeing my mother in a repentant attitude ! Nay, I 
 was given to understand a few days ago, that he had ac- 
 tually suflBcient courage to demand a formal apology, 
 from the old lady, for some expression that had offended 
 his dignity; but as it is not likely that any such will be 
 granted, he must just be content to fall back upon his old 
 favourite maxim, and make her repent it. 
 
 It is by no means my intention to reflect upon the 
 creditors, in the sequestration of the property; they no 
 doubt felt dissatisfied to witness the failure of a concern^ 
 wherein no actual losses could be shown to warrant such 
 a result. Hence the disastrous sale of bleaching utensils, 
 while the household furniture, even to the very beds was 
 dragged to the cross and there disposed of by public sale: 
 and moreover my father was forced to fly from Ms un- 
 protected family, (as if he had been a very felon) to save 
 himself from the horrors of a jail; and did not oiu* wor- 
 thy legal adviser, all the while, look on with complacen- 
 cy at the havoc he had caused I while our opponent* 
 
12 
 
 hugged themselves in the idea, that by this master-stroke 
 of driving us to bankruptcy, they had put a final stopper 
 on my father's claims. 
 
 Reflecting upon the facts detailed in the preceding 
 paragraph, and contrasting m^ present situation with 
 what it might have been, a melancholy train of thought 
 was naturally induced; and the death of my little son a- 
 bout the same time caused a considerable increase in 
 this depression of spirits, while the subsequent improper 
 conduct of my wife, drove me to distraction; until in a 
 state of frenzy I was conveyed by Drs. Mackinlay and 
 Riehmond to the Glasgow Royal Lunatic Asylum. 
 
 The kind and humane treatment I there experien- 
 ced, under the care of Dr. Hutcheson the Physician, soon 
 produced the desired effect: and 3 years ago I was struck 
 out of the books as cured; but remained in the institution 
 for a considerable time afterwards as a voluntary inmate. 
 The Doctor ever willing to encourage all rational amuse- 
 ment, readily furnished another boarder and myself with 
 a small press and a font of types, with which we commen- 
 ced a Weekly Periodical as Co-Editors. My department 
 lay chiefly in providing for the ** Poets Corner." Hence 
 the origin of several of the attempts at metrical composi- 
 tion now published in this small work: a portion of the 
 same having been printed, while residing in the Asylum 
 at Gartnavel. It is therefore to the indulgence granted 
 me by the Physician, sanctioned by the board of directors, 
 added to the kind encouragement I have received from 
 Dr. Prichard and others in the house, that I am chiefly 
 indebted for the practical knowledge I possess of letter- 
 press printing, and consequently of the power of publish- 
 ing my own productions, chiefly by individual exertions. 
 And if these should be so fortunate as to meet with any 
 encouragement, it shall be my study in a future and en- 
 larged edition to merit such. 
 
 Although the opinions of several of the most emi- 
 nent lawers in Scotland, have been given in favour of 
 my father's claims, still, from an unfortunate submission 
 
13 
 
 into which he was induced to enter by the wily lawer, 
 he cannot now it appears obtain legal justice. 
 
 Even in the Court of Session, the impression of the 
 Lord President seemed to be, that if one of the creditors 
 did not come forward and reduce the discharge, on the 
 ground of there being ample funds to pay 20 shillings in 
 the pound, no redress could be obtained, unless, indeed 
 the arbiters glaringly iniquitous award were set aside by 
 the House of Lords. It is to be hoped however, that the 
 necessity for troubling their Lordships will be obviated, 
 by some of the creditors doing as suggested, when the 
 whole matter would resolve itself into a case of Pounds, 
 Shillings and Pence. 
 
 The manifest object of our opponents is to procras- 
 tinate, and they thus calculate that in a few years, my 
 father may die, or at all events become incapable of look- 
 ing after his affairs; and as for myself, they look upon 
 me as a mere cypher, having been an inmate of a Luna- 
 tic Asylum: and that by holding fast for a few years 
 longer, there will in all probability be no one capable of 
 calling them in question. 
 
 The sum now claimed by my father, from the trust 
 already mentioned, amounts in round numbers to £18000 
 including interest from the periods at which the several 
 disbursements were made. 
 
 The above is a plain simple debt, substantiated by 
 legal documents, and has no reference to the wanton and 
 uncalled for sacrifice of thousands, in consequence of a 
 sequestration deliberately brought on by our " legal ad- 
 viser's" magnanimous resolve already alluded to. 
 
 Neither has it any allusion to the many hundreds ex- 
 pended in consequence of factious opposition* nor to the 
 incalculable pecuniary loss of being thus driven out of a 
 long established and extensive business, not to mention 
 the many harrowing and disagreeable consequences en- 
 tailed upon a respectable family by such an event, both 
 as regards personal comforts, and even status in society. 
 
 Taking therefore a retrospective glance at the case 
 
and all its unhappy consequences, I am forced to come 
 to the conclusion that there must be something partial 
 and very defective in that law, which permits a Legal- 
 Adviser to bring ruin upon his employer with impunity. 
 If such a consequence is brought about by ignorance, or a 
 palpable defect in legal knowledge, why cannot the par- 
 ty injured obtain compensation for his loss ? But on the 
 other hand, if it has been the effect of premeditation and 
 design, in my humble opinion there can be no adequate 
 pecuniary remuneration offered. 
 
 Before concluding this statement, it is incumbent upon 
 nue in justice to one party to state, that the Rev. Dr Ham- 
 ilton's family made an offer, some years ago, to compromise 
 the matter by giving £1000 as their proportion, towards a 
 final settlement. To this proposal however, Mr. Robert 
 Rodger, of Messrs Wylie, Rodger, ^ Co., writers, would 
 not agree. This Mr. Rodger it may be requisite to know, 
 had married my cousin Miss King: and to prove his de- 
 termination to secure her fortune at all hazards, did he 
 not even serve himself heir to his infant daughter, to pro- 
 vide against the possibility of a reversion taking place, in 
 the event of the death of his wife and child ? By what 
 legal process the feeble cries of a mere infant, can be con- 
 verted or construed into those truly portentous words, — 
 ** This is my last will and testament ! " I am at a loss to 
 compi-ehend: but it is a legal fact, however glaring the 
 absurdity. 
 
 By way of illustrating some of those reverses suffer- 
 ed during my somewhat chequered life, I may be par- 
 doned for stating: that whilst a resident in Malta, and 
 mingling with the first society, I came naturally into 
 contact with commissioned OflScers, both of the Army and 
 Navy. Some of the former with whom I had mingled in 
 the dance, even in my uncle's house; were, in more than 
 one instance, the very Officers high in command over me 
 a few years afterwards, but besides this there are a vari- 
 ety of events, and singular coincidances connected with 
 thkrpart of my life, which may perhaps be enlarged upon 
 
15 
 
 should encouragement be held out to publish another ed- 
 tion of this work. The present one is very limited, being 
 confihed to only a few hundred copies, which was all I 
 could venture upon by way of experiment: and the little 
 press being capable of throwing off, only 4 pages at once: 
 considerable labour, and difl&culties were encountered, 
 in printing even this small number. But if these should 
 meet with a circulation suflScient to engage the attention 
 of a British public, proverbial for their love of justice and 
 hatred of oppression, then indeed, might the hope be in- 
 dulged that our opponents would be forced to do justice, 
 notwithstanding the legal armour, in which they hug 
 themselves as being invulnerable. 
 
 Before concluding it may be as well to explain, that 
 the 3 short Pieces relating to the Queen's first visit to 
 Scotland, and marked with asterisks to distinguish them 
 from the others, are copies of those presented, or more 
 corectly speaking thrown by me into the Royal carriage, 
 as it passed through St. Ninians. They were caught by 
 His Royal Highness Prince Albert, who acknowledged 
 them with a condescending bow; and I have even some 
 reason to flatter myself that Her Majesty had deigned to 
 honour them with a perusal: for being at Bannockburn the 
 same evening the people were complaining, that the Queen 
 had paid little attention to their evergreen arches, and fes- 
 toons of tartan, for " she had been reading ballads all the 
 way through." Presuming therefore upon this circum- 
 stance, it is my intention once more to offer copies of my 
 humble effusions, for the acceptance of Her Majesty and 
 His Royal Highness Prince Albert, and should these be 
 so fortunate as to meet with a gracious reception, a hope 
 might then be entertained, that the story of our wrongs 
 may reach even the throne itself ! There sits one whose 
 ear is ever open to the cry of oppression: even Her Most 
 Gracious Majesty, Herself the fountain of Honour and 
 Justice, who can never suffer either the one or the other 
 to be so grossly perverted with impunity. 
 
 It was partly owing to the wish of my friends, as 
 
16 
 
 well as my own inclination, that 1 continued to reside in 
 the Asylum after being discharged, in order to see if any 
 compromise could be effected with my grandfather's 
 trustees, when I might have been enabled to enter into 
 some respectable line of business. But having been on 
 a visit to my parents and sisters, some months ago, I 
 learned that there was just as little prospect of a satis- 
 factory adjustment as ever. I had, on that occasion, an 
 opportunity of seeing my two daughters, and hearing 
 their childish prattle. The sight of those interesting 
 little innocents made me resolve upon attempting some- 
 thing with the means in my power. I accordingly left 
 Gartnavel, not without feeling that I parted from many 
 kind friends and wellwishers ; and having procured suit- 
 able apartments in town, I commenced work in earnest, 
 and have at last completed this small edition. Whether 
 the encouragement I may receive in this attempt from a 
 generous public will make a future one requisite, remains 
 to be seen. 
 
 I have now finished my plain unvarnished tale, and 
 hope that it may meet with that sympathy which a case 
 of such flagrant injustice, demands in a free and enlight- 
 ened country. 
 
 J. R. ADAM. 
 
 Glaigow, December, 1844. 
 
THE- 
 
 GARTNAVEL MINSTREL. 
 
My Press, Slab, Rollers, Types, and all. 
 You'll find, if- e'er you choose to call ; 
 But should it be too far to go, 
 The above will some resemblance show, 
 Of what might come within your view 
 At York Stme% Bwm^r ^ixty-l" w. 
 
S9NTENT&. 
 
 1. Farewell- to the 95th Regiment. 
 
 2. Narrative of a Fatal Accident, 
 
 3. Sergeant M'Craw's Song. 
 
 4. Franco's Song. 
 
 5. Dirk Hatteraick's Song. 
 
 6. Spoken on proposing the Clinical Assistants' 
 
 Healths. 
 
 7. Introductory Address to the Weekly Periodical. 
 
 8. Song, ' Just Now.' 
 
 9. Warlike Arrival at the Order of Peace. 
 
 10. Song at a Dinner in the Asylum, 31st Dec, 1839. 
 
 11. Spoken on the same occasion. 
 
 12. Song on the Q,ueen's Marriage. 
 
 13. Another on the same occasion. 
 
 14. On the Birth of the Prince of Wales. 
 
 The nest five effusions relate to the Queen's visit : 
 
 15. The Royal Embarkation and Arrival.* 
 
 16. The Royal advance.* 
 
 17. Queen's Welcome to Stirling Castle.* 
 
 18. The Royal Farewell to Scotland. 
 
 19. The Royal Tour (a Comic Song.) 
 
 20. Toast— The Ladies. 
 
 21. Song on Opening the New House, Gartnavel. 
 
 22. Toast— Mr Sheriff Bell's Health. 
 
 23. Toast— The Clinical Assistants. 
 
 24. Song— Toast, Good Night. 
 
 25. Song— Lunar Observations, 
 
2o. The House that JacR Emit. 
 
 ^1. Lines on the Death of Grace Darling: 
 
 28. Song— The Dark-eyed Maid. 
 
 29. Song— The Faldette-. 
 
 30. Spoken after dHnking Dr Hutcheson's HealtLf;. 
 
 31. Parody on the Miseltoe Bough. 
 
 32. Explanatory to the Reader of the Epistle to the 
 
 Emperor of China. 
 
 33. Epistle— To Reason's Glory, &e. 
 
 34. Enigma on Grace Darling's Grave. 
 
 35. "Warning to Visitors at the Printing-office. 
 
 36. Song composed at the bottom of a Well. 
 
 37. Spolten on drinking the Staff of the Institution. 
 38^ Song at the Annual Entertainment, given to the 
 
 Domestics at Gartnavel. 
 
 39. Kiddle for the Fair Sex. 
 
 40. Song on Hograonay Night — Toast, Er Hutcheson's 
 
 Health. 
 
 41. Enigma— The Nctt Glasgow Royal Lunatic Asy- 
 
 lumv 
 
 42. Address to His Majesty the King of Saxony, 
 
 43. Lines on his Grace the Duke of Wellington. 
 
 44. Song tO' the air of ' Rest thee, babe.'^ 
 
 45. Ode composed on the: morning of Burns' Festival. 
 
 46. Toast — To usher in the New Year. 
 
 47. Finale —To tJie. Reader. 
 
 It is hoped the^ Reader will excuse the omission of 
 numbered folios in this edition. Owing to the manner 
 in which this work has been brought out, it was im- 
 possibli3 for me to know how the whole wouM require 
 to be arranged when finished in the form of a Book, 
 Hence the omission alluded to. But should another 
 edition be called for, this defect will be remedied ; the 
 present volume contains lOi- pages. For explanatory 
 3ioteSj. see the end. 
 
 Author. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS PIECES, 
 
 In Rbynie* 
 
 FAREWELL 
 
 TO THE UORT COMPANY 9^TH R£GIMSNT. 
 
 O ! Light Bobs, can I e'er forget 
 The years IVe spent with you ? 
 
 I cannot, for I ne'er have met 
 With hearts more leal and true. 
 
 Tho' now the bugle I've resign'd— 
 The wings and red coatee, 
 
 I'll ever cherish in my mind 
 That garb so dear to me. 
 
 Whatever dress may clothe my back, 
 My heart remains the same : 
 
 111 prove it, should a foul attack 
 Be made on soldier's fame. 
 
 Where'er the 95th may go, 
 In foreign climes to serve. 
 
 May fav'ring breezes on them bloWj, 
 And long their lives preserve. 
 
If ever called to mortal fight, 
 Each flanker then will strive 
 
 To prove that he is worthy quite 
 Of th' number Ninety-Five. 
 
 That Number bore a gallant name 
 
 For skirmishing of yore ; 
 So, Light Bobs, skirmish on to fame, 
 
 As your Number did before. 
 
 Long may your conduct in the field, 
 
 And in your quarters too, 
 Great credit to your Colonel yield. 
 
 As well as praise to you. 
 
 He's of a gallant warlike race*=s 
 The Campbells long renown'd : 
 
 If e'er the Army List you trace, 
 You'll find that nai^e abound. 
 
 Long may his voice have pow'r to call, 
 
 * Attention !' on parade ; 
 And still may he, by one and all. 
 
 Be cheerfully obey'd. 
 
 To brave MacLean a verse is due, 
 The next in high command : 
 
 Beloved by all, deserving too. 
 For comforts by him plann'd. 
 
 There's Major "Wrottesley, as well, 
 
 At bugle drill, we know, 
 N6ne better can explain or tell 
 
 How skirmishers should go. 
 
 Of Officers in minor grades, 
 
 I humbly take my leave. 
 In hopes that still, on grand parades, 
 
 They'll general praise receive. 
 
l"© you, ye Non-commission'd race, 
 
 My stripes I now resign, 
 In hopes that still, in ev'ry place, 
 
 You'll always take the shine. 
 
 Of Privates, public leave I take- 
 in public bid adieu ; 
 
 Tho* privately my heart may ache 
 When far from public view. 
 
 When home returned, I'll miss the noise 
 
 Of bugle, drum, and fife. 
 And band, composed of men and boys, 
 
 Might charm the dead to life ! 
 
 But, men and boys of every age, 
 'Tis mine this truth to tell : 
 
 I must no more your time engage, 
 But bid you all Farewell ! 
 
 NARRATIVE OF A FATAL ACCIDENT. 
 
 As late from Erin's land I came, 
 
 I pass'd the Cumbrae shore* 
 Ah, fatal shore ! to two young friends. 
 
 Some thirteen years before. 
 
 To me 'twas nearly fatal too, 
 
 'Tis thus I mind it well ; 
 So well that, with your leave, to you 
 
 The sad affair I'U tell. 
 
 'Twas on a sunny Sabbath mom. 
 
 About the hour of nine. 
 That GiflSn, Hamilton, and I, 
 
 Went out to spend the time. 
 
Ah, soon, alas ! their time was spent : 
 
 Long ere that sun had set. 
 Eternal night had closed on them ; 
 
 Their fate I'll ne'er forget. 
 
 But how that fatal night closed in 
 
 'Tis now my task to tell. 
 Of which, though years have intervened, 
 
 My mem'ry serves me welL 
 
 That morning w© on Menzies call'd. 
 And there heard from a friend 
 
 That he had gone to Cumbrae's Isle, 
 The Sunday there to spend. 
 
 'Twas soon agreed to hire a boat, 
 By two good seamen mann'd : 
 
 With merry hearts we leap'd on board, 
 And push'd her from the strand. 
 
 Obedient to the helm, our bark 
 
 Now dances o'er the waves. 
 No thought occurs, these waves, ere night, 
 
 Would dance high o'er their graves. 
 
 Nor deem, while gazing on the foam, 
 
 Now sparkling in the sun 
 Like stars, that ere a star appear'd, 
 
 Their mortal race had run. 
 
 Oar boat, well mann'd and managed well', 
 Soon made the Cumbrae shore ; 
 
 Then landing, for the ferry-house, 
 Our eager steps we bore. 
 
 And there we found our friend A. M., 
 
 With many more from P., 
 Who from the Largs had ta'en a sail 
 
 In the boat of Mr C. 
 
'Twere needless now to tell you hov 
 
 We spent our time, suffice 
 To say the day was nearly spent. 
 
 Nor thought 'twas time to rise. 
 
 ^Twas then we saw (ah ! then too late) 
 
 That all had quite forgot 
 To tell the boatmen there to wait. 
 
 And not to leave the spot. 
 
 So they had gone a trip to Largs, 
 But came not back in time ; 
 
 Nay, if they had, no subject now 
 Tm sure had been for rhyme. 
 
 No boat but one we here could find. 
 
 If that deserved the name ; 
 'Twas full of stones, and but two boys 
 
 To navigate the same. 
 
 But then the day was far advanced, 
 
 "We could no longer stay, 
 So told the boys to cast her loose. 
 
 And get her under weigh. 
 
 Still merry hearts were^ in that boat. 
 Their time now passing fleet ! 
 
 Within the space of half-an-hour. 
 These young hearts ceased to beat. 
 
 The breeze that lately fann'd the wave 
 
 Had yielded to a calm. 
 So calm, so still, we thought we heard 
 
 The singing of the psalm, — 
 
 Within the church of Largs ; and well 
 We guess'd about the time : 
 
 We wish'd to reach home after church. 
 And just in time to dine. 
 
But then the sail flapped on the mast, 
 
 Nor would it fill at all ; • 
 Our oars we shipp'd, and then began 
 
 The flapping sail to haul. 
 
 We haulM, but still the sail withstood 
 
 Our efforts ; and at last 
 Young Hamilton went up t* undo 
 
 The rope which held it fest. 
 
 His weight upon the mast inclined 
 
 The hull to larboard side. 
 So much that at each jerk he gaye^ 
 
 The gunwale kissed the tide. 
 
 He jerk*d and puird so eagerly. 
 The mast at length did spring. 
 
 When Giffin sprung at Hamilton^ 
 Him from the top to bring. 
 
 He missed his hold, and fell upoa 
 
 The lea side of the boat. 
 Next moment she with water 611*^(1,, 
 
 She could no longer float. 
 
 I saw no more, but garo a j^imge 
 
 At once into the sea, 
 But quickly felt that of the wreck 
 
 I was by no means free* 
 
 Down, down I went, till all grew dim. 
 But still I held my breath, 
 
 I thought then of my knife by which 
 I still might baffle death. 
 
 My penknife from my pocket then 
 
 I took, and tried to catch 
 The rope that held my foot, but found 
 
 For this I was not match. 
 
But still by strangling to attain 
 
 This object, I believe 
 The noose around my foot slipped ofl^ 
 
 A slip like a reprieve 
 
 Unto the criminal condemned 
 
 By some inhuman law. 
 While in the ordeal was found 
 
 Some superhuman flaw. 
 
 When free once more> I lost no time 
 
 To rise upon the brim — 
 There lay some moments on my back» 
 
 Ere gaining strength to swim. 
 
 How others struggled in the strife, 
 
 A veils for over cast,. 
 Although I think young Hamilton 
 
 Still clung unto the mast, — 
 
 And that the sail went o\er him. 
 And proved his winding sheet ; 
 
 For well I wot at swimming he 
 Could use both hands and feet. 
 
 And had the freedom then been his 
 To ply each youthful limb. 
 
 He'd been the first to float upon 
 The waves, or through them swim. 
 
 Whilst floating on my back, I heard , 
 
 A dismal, drowning cry ; 
 And looking round some ten yards off, 
 
 Young GiflBn caught my eye. 
 
 His hat was floating by his side, 
 (The blue wave seemed instead,) 
 
 His arms, convulsively outstretch'd, 
 Show'd life not wholly fled. 
 
A floating oar I turned and seized. 
 
 In hope some aid to give : 
 But ere I turned me round again. 
 
 Poor G. had ceased to live. 
 
 A gurgling sound ascended fi'om' 
 
 The watery guiph below, 
 Just whore the body disappear'd, 
 
 But what it was don't know, 
 
 Unless the bubbling bells which rose 
 
 Denoted it to be, 
 Occasioned by the latest sigh 
 
 Of poor young Sandy G. 
 
 One boy aj^ear'd to struggle much ; 
 
 To him I shove the oar. 
 Then turn'^d my anxious eyes to see 
 
 How things look'd toward shore. 
 
 No boat appear'd ; 'twas thea I thought 
 
 We were left in the lurch ; 
 Yet some commotion seem'd among 
 
 The folks who'd been at church. 
 
 I tried to take my top-coat ofi'. 
 Which was a tight surtout — 
 
 So tight and wet I could not get 
 It off all I could do. 
 
 From boyhood I've been used to swim — 
 
 Used oft to stem the tide 
 With confidence, but now with clothes 
 
 I'd barely reach'd the side. 
 
 At length a boat came rowing on. 
 
 As fast as men could pull ; 
 They pick'd me up, and made for m®re^. 
 
 Although their boat was full*^ 
 
They row'd along, and soon pull'd in 
 
 Both Menzies and a boy ; 
 Although both gaved, we did not feel 
 
 The nat'i^ feeling — ^joy-; 
 
 For grief, I'm sure, was uppermost 
 
 In Menzie's breast and mine. 
 To see that of our two young friends 
 
 There was no Jiving sign. 
 
 With th' other boy we just came up 
 
 As he began to sink. 
 And with the assistance of an oar 
 
 They raised him to the brink. 
 
 The men who manned that boat were men 
 Who weU deserved the name ; 
 
 Their names I know not, thro' their deeds 
 I laud them still the same. 
 
 FoTir human being's lives they saved, 
 AVhilst in that boat were eight, 
 
 Whose lives were staked to save the four 
 From an impending &te, 
 
 'Twas bravely and humanely done. 
 
 Nor done by men alone, 
 For of the Fair we had a pair, 
 
 Who made the greatest moan, — 
 
 And urged the rowers to exert 
 
 Their utmost, and come up 
 With those who sunk now nearly drunk 
 
 Of the ' Grim Tyrant's Cup.' 
 
 True courage here shown out so clear, 
 
 In grandmamma and miss ; 
 I ne'er can hear a woman call'd 
 
 A coward after this. 
 
'Twas now the boatmen found they had, 
 Whilst rowing, broke an oar ; 
 
 We thus were forced to lie in wait 
 For other boats from shore. 
 
 We at each other look'd, but ne'er 
 
 A word was said at all 
 By any, save the boatmen, who 
 
 * Sit still,' sometimes would call ; 
 
 And well for all that all obey'd 
 
 This order ; well I know 
 The slightest jerk had sent us all 
 
 Down where the sea weeds grow. 
 
 For now within this little boat, 
 
 A very narrow space. 
 For twelve to sit or stand at ease, 
 
 *Twas sure a ticklish case. 
 
 Had she gone down, 'tis just as sure 
 We must have down remain'd, 
 
 For they who couldn't save themselves 
 The others had detain'd. 
 
 Whilst drifting here, I now must say 
 I felt more dread the while, 
 
 Than while alone upon the deep 
 And from that boat a mile. 
 
 Now all the craft were put to sea 
 
 That lay along the beach ; 
 Now, all well mann'd, came rowing on. 
 
 Two drag* along with each. 
 
 To one of those we told our case, 
 And soon she reach'd our side, 
 
 To which they fix'd a tow, and boon 
 They tow'd us up the tide. 
 
At length our crowded little boat 
 In safety reach'd the land ; 
 
 The land at length was crowded, too, 
 Where many reach'd a hand, — 
 
 To welcome us once more on shore. 
 
 From present peril free. 
 To mourn our young companions who 
 
 Lay di'own'd deep in the sea. 
 
 Again on shore I cast once more 
 
 A glance upon the scene ; 
 A busy scene of boats now lay 
 
 Where ours had lately been. 
 
 By ours, I mean that fated barque. 
 Which like a stone did sink ; 
 
 *Twas full of stones, the reason why 
 It went keel first, I think. 
 
 Although they dragg'd about till nwm. 
 From morn again till night, 
 
 'Twas labour lost upon that coast, 
 The weeds grow such a height. 
 
 So high that ere the drag was drawn 
 
 A yard or two along, 
 The tangling weeds and broken reeds 
 
 Got in the prongs among. 
 
 This render'd them of little use, 
 
 Even had they lighted on 
 The bodies, or the boat itself. 
 
 But doubt this ne'er was done. 
 
 I rather am inclined to think 
 
 The current, with the tide. 
 Bore all away, long ere 'twas day, 
 
 Far in the ocean wide. 
 
Howe'er this be, there's one thing sure. 
 They ne'er were seen again 
 
 By mortal man upon the shore. 
 Or yet the watery main. 
 
 SERGEANT M'CRAW'S SONG. 
 
 (Original Music by J. Adam.) 
 [The three following Songs were composed expressly 
 few the Play of Guy Mannering, as produced at the 
 Theatre, Gla^ow Royal Lunatic Asylum.] 
 
 I come from the wai»s 
 
 All oover'd with scars, 
 And my name it is Sergeant M'Craw, man ; 
 
 The sword I now wear 
 
 All my dangers did share, 
 And its^dge ne'er discovered a flaw, man.. 
 
 In the battle's fell strife 
 
 It has guarded my life. 
 From the sword of the foeman impending ; 
 
 And while strength's in this arm, 
 
 It will guard me from harm — 
 My king and my country defending. 
 
 With many a deep wound 
 
 It has fell'd to the ground 
 And with int'rest returned ev'ry blow, man, 
 
 'Tis ready again 
 
 All its brightness to stain. 
 In the blood of the proud saucy foe, man. 
 
 In thy scabbard now rest 
 
 Bright blade of the best. 
 Till war's rude alarms make us draw, man. 
 
 Thy keen edge to light, 
 
 'Midst the thickest of fight. 
 When wielded by Sergeant M'Craw, man. 
 
FRANCO'S SONG, 
 As Sung hy Master Charles Goyder, 
 
 Gentlemen, come along, 
 
 And listen to my song, 
 Nor imagine that you I intend to decoy ; 
 
 Though a rover bred and bom. 
 
 Such a title I would scorn. 
 Yet glory in the name of the Gipsy Boy. 
 
 As the air I'm free, 
 
 'Neath the green wood tree ; 
 No ruin'd home shall my hopes destroy ; 
 
 For in brush and in brake 
 
 My dwelling I can make, 
 Ever varying the scene for the Gipsy Boy. 
 
 Though my life has been but short, 
 
 I've had my share of sport. 
 And the pleasures yet of roving I mean to enjoy; 
 
 For when once I am a man 
 
 I'll do the best I can, 
 In the freedoms of a lawless life my time to em- 
 ploy. 
 
 Meantime I am your guide, 
 And in me you must confide ; 
 Nor the pleasures of the scenery with vain fears 
 destroy ; 
 
 If you listen to the sound 
 Of the echoes all around. 
 You'll remember long the whistle of the Gipsy 
 Boy. 
 
' DIRK HATTERAICK'S SONG, 
 As Sung by the Author, Air, * The "Whaler. 
 
 Ohy many a bouse 
 
 And merry carouse 
 We've had in this dark hole, 
 
 A cann of good drink 
 
 May rekindle a blink 
 Of light in the dark gloomy soul 
 
 Old Boy, ial lal, 4c. 
 
 While the goblet I quaff. 
 
 At all danger I laugh. 
 Still ready for a bout. 
 
 With the sly land shark. 
 
 If we meet in the dark, 
 Well put him to the rout. 
 
 Old Boy, &e. 
 
 *Midst danger and strife 
 
 Have I spent half my life, 
 And defied to the utmost the law ; 
 
 But for all that I know. 
 
 The hemp's yet to grow, 
 That my neck is intended to draw. 
 Old Boy, Ac. 
 
 O, a swig of the flask, 
 
 It is all that I ask. 
 For the work now in hand to prepare ; 
 
 If we chance to succeed 
 
 In this other good deed. 
 Of the spoil I'll secure my own share. 
 Old Boy, &c. 
 
SPOKEN 
 At the Dinner in the Glasgow liot/al Lunatic Asylum, 
 on the 2d of June, 1842, the day after laying the Foun- 
 dation Stone at the New House at Gartnaveh 
 My Preset and Gentlemen^ now present here, 
 You may deem my addressing you thus rather queer ; 
 But whatever ye may think, I've some healths to propose. 
 Which, from what I have seen, I'd be led to suppose 
 That you'd quaff off a bumper to each one by one, 
 But that from arrangements cannot now be done. 
 That we're met here to-night need'nt cause you surprise. 
 For the stone has been laid whence a structure's to rise. 
 In grandeur surpassing all else of the kind ; 
 'Tis a Mansion to re-illuminate Mind — 
 To dispel the dark mists which overshadow the brain. 
 Like the moon 'neath a cloud while she shines out agaio ; 
 But it is not the House, but the Medico's in it — 
 This great end to attain, it is they who begin it. 
 Mirth, mingled with medicine, banishes care — 
 A jAan our Physician adopts to a hair. 
 Well assisted in all these endeavours by those 
 Whose healths at this moment I mean to propose. 
 The Gents. I allude to in number are four, 
 And the first I will mention shall be Dr Orr, 
 As being the gentleman oftenest seen 
 In my part of the house, you know where I mean ;■ 
 For his kindness to all I with safety can vouch. 
 From rectiners on sofas to those on a couch ; 
 His inquiries are constant 4:o know how you feel; 
 If unwell, then at bed-time you'll swallow 'a pill. 
 The next in rotation is Dr D. Campbell ; 
 Now, wherever through life we may happen* to ramble. 
 We meet with that galL'tnt adventurous name 
 Still onward progressing to undying fame ; 
 And be I now speak of bids fair to arrive 
 At that goal of distinction for which he'll soon strive 
 
In climes far remote, but wherever he goes 
 
 For his welfare I'm sure every bosom o'erfloWi^ •; 
 
 For myself I can say a more warm-hearted youthr 
 
 I have never yet met ; 'tis no more than the truth 
 
 I'll feel his departure, whene'er it may be, 
 
 Though convinced he'll arrive at the top of the tree. 
 
 The next is an Englishman, Prichard by name, 
 
 Off-handed and free, they're in general the same ; 
 
 Politely, yet slapdash, he comes to the point. 
 
 And informs you at once if the brain's out of joint ; 
 
 And really I think he'll begin to think mine 
 
 Dislocated and queer, from the effects of the wine. 
 
 But the ladies of late have engross'd his intention ; 
 
 How he manages them I presume not to mention ; 
 
 For ourselves, when we want any food for the mind^ 
 
 He suppliest with alacrity, that we all find ; 
 
 But the ladies, dear creatures, have chiefly his care, 
 
 And what duty more pleasing than soothing the fair \ 
 
 And who could be better adapted for that 
 
 Than he who's so fluently gifted with chat ! 
 
 M' Gavin's the last in the list I've to mention. 
 
 And must crave of your patience a further extension ; 
 
 For though I know nothing at all of phrenology. 
 
 He surely possesses the bump of theology. 
 
 Not to say that he's come of the Protestant's blood, 
 
 Though I've heard it asserted that may be a whud. 
 
 At extempore praying he's quite at his ease, 
 
 Nor ever fills up any blank with a sneeze, 
 
 But rattles along till he comes to Amen, 
 
 Then halts as he should do, but never till then. 
 
 Whilst professional Legerdemain he possesses. 
 
 Which I can't enter into, as time on me presses. 
 
 Those gentlemen's healths you are call'd on to drink ; 
 
 And I'm sure though it were half a mile from the brink. 
 
 You would halt at the bottom, as I mean to do, 
 
 Of this tedious speech, craving pardon of you. 
 
INTRODUCTORY ADDRESS 
 
 As it appeared in the first No. of the * Chroniclet 
 of the Monastery^'* a weekly periodical pub- 
 lished for circulation in the Institution. 
 
 To every one perusing this 
 
 Our Chronicle, we must 
 Be gen'rous and sincere, too, 
 
 If they'd in turn be just. 
 
 And we, as duty leads us, 
 
 Shall so far gen'rous be, 
 We'll let our readers every week 
 
 Have one sent * gratis-free. ' 
 
 Thus nothing will it cost them, 
 Tho* something's greatly wanted ; 
 
 Th' approving smile we hope to see, 
 As now and then implanted, 
 
 On wisdom's intellectual face, 
 The charge is surely simple ; 
 
 To cause on beauty's rosy cheek 
 Perhaps a pretty dimple. 
 
 The best reward we've now in view 
 
 By publishing this paper, 
 Before 'tis finally destroyed, 
 
 Or formed into a taper, — 
 
 To light a Dutch or Turkish pipe, 
 
 Or e'oB a candle end. 
 When Sol his brighter radiance 
 
 Refuses more to lend. 
 
 Our firm intention to adhere 
 
 To never-failing truth. 
 We trust may have its influence 
 
 On age as well as youth. 
 
We'll use our best endeavours, '" 
 
 With willing hand to throw 
 
 The seeds of mirth on all around, 
 Above as well's below ; 
 
 Upon the brotherhood we call 
 
 To contribute a share ; 
 But most of all, we fondly hope, 
 
 The sisterhood so fair, 
 
 Will send some cutting articles ; 
 
 The sex are sharp and witty ; 
 Or sentimental, if you please. 
 
 Then send some love-lorn ditty. 
 
 Do, lovely Lady Abbess, do, 
 
 Accomplish'd sweet Miss Vessey, 
 
 Do intercede for us, and send 
 Yourself an English essay. 
 
 For such communications 
 
 We mean to keep a space. 
 O'er which the title Lady's Bower 
 
 The eager eye may trace ; 
 
 Kept sacred too, and purified 
 From all profane intrusion ; 
 
 From masculine productions 
 Or any male delusion. 
 
 And now, fair sisters, since you know 
 
 What is our future plan, 
 Transmit to us, the brotherhood, 
 
 What paragraphs you can ; 
 
 Original they must be, 
 
 Or else we must decline 
 To place them in our Chronicle, 
 
 E'en from a lady's shrine. 
 
If thus we're well supported, 
 We trust that once a week 
 
 We'll be enabled to produce 
 A smile on every cheek. 
 
 Thus accidents of all kinds, 
 
 And very grave offences, 
 We must insert explicitly ; 
 
 The deuce take all expenses. 
 
 All fresh and fair arrivals, 
 
 And all departures too. 
 So far's we've got intelligence 
 
 We'll lay before your view. 
 
 All games of skill, or e'en of chance, 
 Who wins or oftener looses ; 
 
 We'll print a special note of all, 
 If our superior chooses. 
 
 For be it known to all concem'd, 
 *Tis to his kind indulgence; 
 
 You'll be immortalis'd in type. 
 To shine with bright refulgence ; 
 
 Beneath the head of * Sporting 
 
 Intelligence,' you'll read 
 If Yellow on the bowling green 
 
 Beats Green at coming speed : 
 
 Or if our Gallant Captain, 
 
 With that precision, plays 
 At chess or even billiards 
 
 He used in former days ; 
 
 And last, though not the least of all 
 Our various games of note. 
 
 We'll write from our Superior's book ; 
 He has it all by rote — 
 
We mean that silent studious game, 
 The game of hush or whist ; 
 
 We really think it should have been 
 The first upon the list. 
 
 The Clinical Assistants here, 
 
 We'll watch their play and state, 
 
 What caused so great a difference ; 
 If 'twas bad play or fate. 
 
 Such matters to decide upon 
 Seems rather bold at first ; 
 
 Should those young Clinicals agree 
 On our weak heads to burst, — 
 
 And in real earnest should begin 
 
 In ire to criticise us. 
 Their heavier polished metal would 
 
 Most certainly capsize us. 
 
 But, trust their magnanimity. 
 They won't be too severe, 
 
 Nor try to sink our fragile barque 
 With scarce a helm to steer, 
 
 Twouid hardly be in keeping with 
 Their morn and evening prayer, 
 
 When each alternately presides 
 Within the sacred chair. 
 
 'Tis then the brotherhood appear. 
 
 With all attendants due ; 
 The sisterhood we seldom see. 
 
 They're rather out of view. 
 
 But still we hear their silv'ry sounds 
 Now join the sacred strains — 
 
 What plaintive harmony to hear 
 When sister 3 . complains I 
 
While worthy brother Brown inspired 
 Does with such rapture sing, 
 
 Those notes as oft we heard them by 
 The harbinger of spring. 
 
 On state of parties in the Church, 
 This question Non-Intrusion, 
 
 We'll vote for that most certainly 
 Of those who breed confusion. 
 
 And all who come unpurified, 
 Their cleansing we'll insure ; 
 
 We'll recommend them to the bath 
 For the cold water cure. 
 
 Our good and faithful Steward, who 
 
 Does all he can to please. 
 Will hear whene'er we wish to have 
 
 A dish of nice green peas, — 
 
 To eat with new potatoes, 
 And roasted lamb in season ; 
 
 He'll ne'er refuse a timely hint 
 If given in rhyme or reason. 
 
 Of music's charms we'll often treat, 
 
 Of poesy as well ; 
 But fear the present specimen 
 
 Is rather long a spell. 
 
 In this our opening rhyming rant 
 The programme's only hinted ; 
 
 Elsewhere you'll find superior prose 
 Gives all the outline printed. 
 
SONG. 
 JUST NOW. 
 
 Air — * And sae will we yetJ* 
 
 Some say life's a shadow 
 
 In vanity's fair, 
 And that nothing's substantial 
 
 They also declare ; 
 And that all being vanity 
 
 Down here below, 
 We in vain seek true pleasure ; 
 
 To this I say No. 
 
 If life's short and fleeting, 
 
 »Tis but wisdom to strive 
 To imbibe every sweet 
 
 While the taper's alive ; 
 While health, youth, and vigour, 
 
 Are ours, you'll allow. 
 We may taste life's glad moments ; 
 
 So let us Just Now. 
 
 Ne'er put off till to-morrow 
 
 Those joys of to-night, 
 E'er that future arrives 
 
 They may yield no delight ; 
 To the warm glow of friendship 
 
 Sincerely I bow. 
 With such pure feelings cherished ; 
 
 We feel them Just Now. 
 
 E'en the young blushing fair one, 
 Who lists to your sigh, v 
 
 If not pressed on the instant 
 May soon become shy ; 
 
So improve each dear moment, 
 
 Your love thus avow ; 
 Then caress her, and press her. 
 
 And kiss her Just Now. 
 
 * Just Now' is the season, 
 
 'Tis all we can boast, 
 Then we've surely good reason 
 
 It should not be lost ; 
 All nature calls out. 
 
 Come, enjoy me ; — and how ? 
 Why, just in the way 
 
 We are doing Just Now. 
 
 'Tis a feeling implanted, 
 
 To live while we can. 
 While the pleasures of life 
 
 Are congenial to man ; 
 Then why thus deny them ? 
 
 I will not I trow ; 
 While I can I'll enjoy them ; 
 
 I'm doing so now. 
 
 Some essaying the dark 
 
 Future deep to descry, 
 But embitter the present, 
 
 Not so you and I ; 
 For we who love pleasure 
 
 From its fountain, allow 
 To the thirsty a measure, 
 
 A sweet bumper now. 
 
 So fill up your glasses, 
 
 A bumper let's fill, 
 To the health of dear lasses 
 
 With a hearty good will ; 
 This pleasure — of pleasing them, 
 
 All must allow. 
 Of this life's the true essence ; 
 
 I feel it Just Now. 
 
WARLIKE ARRIVAL 
 AT THE ORDER OF PEACE. 
 
 Arriv'd at our gates, in the garb of old Gaul, 
 
 A Chief of a warlike demeanour and tall ; * 
 
 Aa nimbly he leap'd from his carriage and pair, 
 
 All eyes from the cloisters with eagerness stare, 
 
 To see such a sight as an armed Highland Chief » 
 
 Arrive at our gates, who'd been captured in Crief 
 
 By the Lord Abbot's master-at-arms, who before 
 
 Great numbers of pilgrims had brought to our door. 
 
 The Chief as he enters looks round in amaze, 
 
 When the Lord Abbot's summons at once he obeys. 
 
 In the Chamber of State, with the Canons around. 
 
 He makes his obeisance politely profound. 
 
 And said he had been on a tour through the hills, 
 
 Where the dew of the mountain its spirit instils. 
 
 Thus, imbibing the spirit of Chieftains of yore, 
 
 He'd adopted the costume which that day he wore. 
 
 And had promised to muster with some other clan. 
 
 In the garb of old Gaul all rigg'd out to a man, 
 
 Who intended their loyalty thus to display 
 
 To the Sovereign and Prince as they passed on their way; 
 
 What grieved him the most and caused his chagrin, 
 
 Was to miss thus a sight of the lovely young Queen ; 
 
 That he'd enter'd a monk of La Trappe, not aware 
 
 Till nearly ascended yon high winding stair 
 
 When he gazed at the lofty, the glass covered dome. 
 
 He felt on the instant he was not at home, 
 
 Tho duly attended by Canons and all, 
 
 To his cell, where soon followed the old Seneschal, 
 
 So martially bearing his sword in the rear. 
 
 Some old monks inspiring with bodily fear. 
 
 But here we must leave the brave chieftain to rest. 
 
 He'll tell his own story, 'tis certain the best, 
 
 And bid for the present our readers adieu. 
 
 Assuring them soon they'll hear more that is new. 
 
SONG COMPOSED FOR THE 
 
 OCCASION, AND SUNG AT 
 THE DINNER GIVEN TO THE 
 INMATES AT THE ASYLUM, 
 
 31st Dec, 1839. 
 
 Air :— The girl I left behind me. 
 
 Ye Patients, listen to my lay, 
 And Gents, of this Asylum, 
 
 Who've all combin'd this hogminay. 
 The New Year in to wile'um. 
 
 But while the old remains we'll sing, 
 
 Or mingle in the chorus ; 
 And hip hurra till glasses ring 
 
 To the dying year before us. 
 
 For eighteen- 'forty soon we'll hail. 
 The chief cause of our meeting ; 
 
 Past one of time's landmarks we sail. 
 Each other kindly greeting. 
 
 So let us drive away dull care. 
 To mirth let wine restore us ; 
 
 Ne'er let us yield to dark despair, 
 While a full glass stands before us. 
 
 And as the night wears on apace, 
 Let's have some recreation ; 
 
 A song might not be out of place, 
 Or p'rhaps a recitation. 
 
 Nay, ask the Rev. Mr. Byers, 
 Who weekly does implore us 
 
 To mend our steps, and never tires, 
 Just t' point out the way before us. 
 
Our great physician, Doctor B. , 
 I*m sure had recommended, 
 
 That jokes this evening should go freet. 
 If with good humour blended. 
 
 There's Dr. H., on Christmas night. 
 When dancing had quite wore us, 
 
 Did sup'rintend, and was so bright. 
 That the hours flew fast before us* 
 
 Are these the music's strains I hear ? 
 
 If so, we'll get quite hearty ; 
 But ladies will be scarce, I fear, 
 
 Not one yet of the party. 
 
 "What pity 'tis when within call 
 We know there's half a score as 
 
 Bewitching girls as seldom fall 
 T'our lot to dance before us. 
 
 Oh, why should lovely woman be 
 Debarr'd from coming nigh us ; 
 
 For yonder through the grate I se» 
 Some charming creatures eye us. 
 
 I do beseech, good Mr. Veitch, 
 You'd leave again that door as 
 
 It was — a jar — 'twould serve to teach,^ 
 That the sex were made to floor us. 
 
 Yes, with Miss Vessey at their head. 
 
 That lady-love commander ; 
 Who all rejects — no man she'll wed, 
 
 Tho' she makes their wits to wander. 
 
 One of her victims, Mr. Sands, (a) 
 Whom she of late rejected ; 
 
 Emaciated there he stands. 
 Pale fac'd and guite dejected. 
 
The Major, too, in feats of arms, 
 HacJ many a dang'rous essay ; 
 
 But yields his sword to those sweet charms, 
 Concentred in Miss Vessey, 
 
 Your patience must be tired, I'm sure. 
 
 With joming in the chorus ; 
 What patience could so long endure, 
 
 But the patients now before us. 
 
 Some here may think this spree's their last* 
 
 Yet carry on the glory — 
 As long's we may, if wrong we'll lay 
 
 All the blame in our upper story. 
 
 But 'tis high time to call enough. 
 
 You say by your looks " don't bore us '* 
 
 With any more of such like stuff. 
 But get on with what's before us. 
 
 MR. S. GIVES THE FOLLOWING IN 
 
 REPLY TO THE ALLUSION MADE 
 
 TO HIM IN THE UTH STANZA, ^a) 
 
 Oh, surely you've been misinform-d, 
 'Twas I that broke the match off; 
 
 By letters oft my heart she storm'd. 
 Of this frame to get a catch of. 
 
 But still my heart was fairly proof 
 Against her coaxing letters ; 
 
 I was resolved to stand aloof 
 From hymen s chains and fetters. 
 
 You say I look dejected, pale, 
 In that your fitill mistaken j 
 
 So long as I get beef and ale 
 There's small fear of my bacon. 
 
SPOKEN ON THE SAME OCCASION, 
 
 Fare thee well, eighteen hundred thirty ai»d nine, 
 Thou hast joined the dark ranks of eternity's line ; 
 Thus we hail thy successor with heartfelt delight. 
 With a bumper in hand, now 'tis past twelve at night. 
 Let care — cankef ed care — for a season begone ; 
 For the present we'll force him to leave us alone ; 
 While the vine yields its heart's blood he dare iMvfc appear ; 
 And we trust he'll be absent the most of this year. 
 This year now so pregnant with things of import. 
 For the Queen's to be married in two months in short, 
 To a Prince whom we trust that ere long 'twill be seen 
 He is worthy the choice of our Lady the Queen. 
 >Tis the hope of all here, and the wish of all those 
 Who wish well to the thistle, the shamrock, and rose; 
 And tho* some may imagine this year is their last- 
 That a day or an hour will eternity's vast 
 And dark boundless abyss open up to their view ; 
 Yet with what's now in hand never flinch, but go thro' ; 
 And what's that but your glass ? so pray empty it out 
 To the queen, and replenished '^twill be without doubt ; 
 Then we'll toast the Directors, and Doctors^ and cheer ; 
 This will show those^ who doubt — we've got se»se once a year. 
 Therefore toss up your finger, then down with your glass,, 
 'Tis the last time we'll drink to our Sovei?eign — a lass ! 
 
 SONG ON THE QUEEN'S MARRIAGE. 
 Air : — A braw laid came to my daddy's door. 
 
 Prince Albert's cam frae Germany,. 
 
 Frae Germany, frae Germany ; 
 And soon he pleas'd the Royal e'e. 
 
 As plainly caiild be seen. 
 An' wow but he inaun be a braw young Prince, 
 
 A nice young Prince, a wise young Prince ; 
 And maim be without ony flaw, young Prince, 
 
 To please our braw young Queen. 
 
'\ The Queen gaed to the Parliament, 
 
 I The Parliament, the Parliament, 
 
 I And got them a' to gie consent, 
 
 »] The like afore has been. 
 
 5 An* wow but he maun be a fine young Prince, 
 
 .' As a brave young Prince ye'U behave young Prince 
 
 v> An' I'll drink your health in wine, young Prince, 
 
 •,ii As the chosen o' our Queen. 
 
 1 
 
 This day she gies her Royal hand, 
 
 Her Royal heart an* lovely hand. 
 By which the Prince may understand. 
 
 He is her nearest frien*. 
 And, oh, when ye're in your nest, young I^mee, 
 • What a blest young Prince, a carest young Prince, 
 
 ^^; No to think about a' the rest, young; Prince^ 
 I Ye'll hae wi* sic a Queen. 
 
 'I This night begins the honey -moon, 
 I' The Royal Sovereign honey-moon ; 
 
 I And tho* she w^ears o'er liim the Crown, 
 I O* him she'll ne'er compleen ; 
 
 Altho* he shouli be a strong young Prince*, 
 
 A tough young Prince, and a rough young Prince; 
 And the theme of another song, young Prince, 
 We'll hae — 'tis this I mean. 
 
 This match, 'tis hop"d, ere long entails, 
 
 Ere long entails, ere long entails, 
 On Britain a ' yontlifu ' Prince of Wales, 
 
 And Royal bloods a wheen. 
 So go it. my lioarty b'.aw voung Prince, 
 
 My nice young Piinc-e and my wise younc Prince ; 
 When a (icddy ye are ye n)ay craw, young Prince, 
 
 O' an heir to Britain's Queen. 
 
 And r.s we're met to drink their health. 
 
 To quatt' tiieii- healili, their very good health, 
 
 May auld .K-lm Bull hao walth o' 'iveallli. 
 Keep fat an* ne'er grow lean. 
 
For, oh, he may be a dear young Prince, 
 
 A queer youngPrince,and a dear youngPrince. 
 
 But hip hurra to the present young Prince, 
 And Victoria his Q,ueen. 
 
 ANOTHER COMPOSED FOR THE 
 SAME OCCASION. 
 
 Air : — Whistle o'er the lave o*t. 
 
 Come, join, and make the gall'ries ring, 
 We'll dance wi* mirth, wi* joy we'll sing ; 
 This day we've got a Consort King, 
 And a husband to Victoria. 
 
 Prmce Albert^s from a famous nest, 
 At Courts they're courted east and west ; 
 For a breed of Kings they're much carest, 
 As he'll be by Victoria. 
 
 In the " Royal Arms " the Prince to-night. 
 Will spend in love aud fond delight. 
 The happy hours till morning's light, 
 With blooming Queen Victoria. 
 
 And may their happiness ne'er cloy. 
 Nor day light e'er produce alloy, 
 But each new morn add to the joy. 
 Of Albert and Victoria. 
 
 Tho' here we're all supposed to be 
 Jiul'd by the (^ueen of night, yet we 
 Join heart and hand to raise a spree 
 At the marriage of Victoria. 
 
 Our Superintendent joins us too, 
 To whom our thanks are kindly due ; 
 'X'hat sparkling wine comes in our view, 
 To drink to Queen Victoria. 
 
Before we drink, let's first explain, 
 From drinking deep you wont refrain ; 
 With hip, hurra ! your glasses di'ain 
 To Albert and Victoria. 
 
 ON THE BIRTH OF THE PRINCE OF 
 WALES. 
 
 Hail, Neptune ! now flourish thy trident on high, 
 
 Let the wheels of thy car with the thunderbolt fly ; 
 
 Haste away with the tidings to each distant land, 
 
 From the regions of ice to fair India's strand. 
 
 Let the zephyrs a while leave old ocean asleep, 
 
 That the sound may be heard thro' the depths of the deep ; 
 
 Let it reach to the cavern submerged, with no light 
 
 Save the gem and the diamond there sparkling bright ; 
 
 Let the finny tribe hear it : their gambols may cease, 
 
 For a moment, but only again to increase ; — 
 
 On the surface the porpoise, while making his bound, 
 
 Will catch, as he passes, th' enlivening sound ; 
 
 The turtle, reposed after bufl'eting gales. 
 
 Will dive and inform those sea monsters the whales ; 
 
 The shark, too, will hear it, and rise to the brim, 
 
 While the pilot fish round him will fearlessly swim ; 
 
 The dolphin, unfettered, from Nep's pearly car, 
 
 While he basks in the sun in the tropics afar, 
 
 Will display those gay colours of bright golden hue, 
 
 With brilliant tints blended of red, green, and blue ; 
 
 The mermaid, that dwells 'mongst the surf-beaten rockf, 
 
 And combs with the sea wreck her dark flowing locks, 
 
 Will descend from her toilet, her tresses of hair 
 
 Half encircling a bosom transcendantly fair, 
 
 Down, down through the sea weed, in some hidden cave, 
 
 Far, far from the sound of the turbulent wave. 
 
 To her maidens in ecstasy there she will sing, 
 
 0/ the birth of a Prince, of a young ocean king. 
 
 But a truce to these fancies, 'tis time now to tell 
 
 To the millions whose bosoms with loyalty swell, 
 
 That the Queen of the Islands, the happy and free, 
 
 Has brought forth a young Prince; future King of the Sei. 
 
ON HER MAJESTY'S VISIT TO SCOTLAND. 
 THE ROYAL EMBARKATION AT PLYMOUTH* 
 
 Breathe softly, old Boreas ! dietnrb not the rest 
 Of yon small heaving ripples, with white foaming crest , 
 Let the sweet balmy South waft the mild cheering gale, 
 Wnile the sons of the North shall its fragrance inhale. 
 Even now on its bosom the " Queen of the Sea ** 
 Has embark'd, and confides, mighty Ocean I in thee, 
 Until Scotia shall view from her mountains in pride 
 Yon barque on her waters whh Majesty glide. 
 
 ARRIVAL AT GRANTON PIER. 
 
 Hark ! the cannons resound, while the barges draw near; 
 Now, the neatest form'd foot presses Granton gay pier. 
 The land of thy forefathers welcomes thy tread — 
 That land where for freedom our forefathers bled. 
 Thrice welcome, Fair Lady, to Holyrood's Halls : 
 How chang'd since fair Royalty last grac'd its walls I 
 But ne'er did the halls of old Holyrood see 
 A Queen more belov'd, or a people so free ; 
 Or a Sov'reign more anxious to aid the distressed, 
 The throne of old Scotia has never yet pressed. 
 Not in pomp, but in friendship, she visits the North 
 (For fame has proclaim'd our intrinsical worth), 
 * Tis to join in the chase of the roe^buck and deer ; 
 With her presence the hearts of her subjects to cheer ; 
 The clan of the Stewarts, tho' now but a name. 
 Some kindred with Royalty's ancestors claim. 
 'Neath the lofty Benledi some remnants reside, 
 "Who wear the red tartan with feelings of pride. 
 From Glenfinglass now every Stewart repair, 
 With the foremost in rank the gay pageantry share. 
 Then sound the loud pibroch o'er mountain and lake 
 Let the clans be all muster'd from moss, fen, and brake j 
 In the garb of old gaul let each clansman be seen, 
 And fair ones in splendour to welcome their Queen I 
 
THE ROYAL ADVANCE. 
 
 Air : — " Logic o' Buchan.*' 
 
 I saw her in splendour, 
 
 Fair Lady, advance, 
 Whilst thousands of bright eyei 
 
 Were fixed on her glance ; 
 I marked the sweet smile 
 
 As it played on her face* 
 And could feelings benign 
 
 In each lineament trace. 
 
 In sweet accents I heard her 
 
 Confess that she knew 
 Caledonia's sons 
 
 Were both loyal and true. 
 Yes ! each true son of Scotia 
 
 Would shield with his life 
 The queen, the young mother. 
 
 And fond loving wife. 
 
 Upon her, ye mothers, 
 
 A blessing call down- 
 On her fair brow rest lightly 
 
 Britannia's Crown ! 
 For think, while your children 
 
 In fondness you press. 
 Your Sov'reign appreciates 
 
 A mother's caress. 
 
 The choice of her bosom 
 
 Was there by her side— 
 A choice that might sanction 
 
 A feeling of pride. 
 That every true happiness 
 
 Long they may share 
 Is the wish felt and breath'd 
 
 For th« loyely young pair ! ! I 
 
QUEEN'S WELCOME TO 
 STIRLING CASTLE. 
 
 Air :— " The Battle of Victoria." 
 
 The Queen's arrived, Prince Albert too, 
 Our vales and mountain streams to view ; 
 To «hase the deer the wild glens through, 
 Comes blooming Queen Victoria. 
 
 Then wends her way to Stirling's Fort, 
 Where Boyalty of yore held Court, 
 Though of a ruder, sterner sort, 
 Than this of Fair Victoria. 
 
 Let Guns in Thunder's voice exclaim, 
 Let Beacons blaze with brilliant flame, 
 Let old and young this truth proclaim, 
 Their love for Queen Victoria ! 
 
 Let peasants deck their arch of green,. 
 Make Stirling's various tartans seen,. 
 In gay festoons to charm the sOene, 
 For Scotia's Queen, Victoria. 
 
 Long may her young and tender heart 
 Receive as well as joy impart ; 
 May grief the tear-drop seldom start 
 In thy bright eyes, Victoria. 
 
 And may thy Reign be long and sure^ 
 Surrounded still by Councils pure, 
 The wounds of Church and State to cure. 
 The care of Queen Victoria. 
 
 Let Scotia's ar^cient valleys ring. 
 O'er mountains, rocks, their echoes fiing, 
 When old and young in concert sing, 
 The praise of Queen Victoria. 
 
THE ROYAL FAREWELL 
 TO SCOTLAND. 
 
 Air :— "The last rose of summer." 
 
 Let one word be the chorus 
 
 In each stanza or lay ; 
 *Tis the one now before us 
 
 This soul stirring day. 
 That word creates feeling, 
 
 Causing bosoms to swell ; 
 O'er eyes the tears stealing 
 
 At the parting Farewell. 
 
 And brave hearts undoubted, 
 
 Who went but to cheer. 
 Grew unmann-'d as they shouted 
 
 On Granton gay pier. 
 What caused all this grieving ? 
 
 What need now to tell ? 
 Our Queen, who was leaving. 
 
 Had bid us Farewell. 
 
 But tho' she's bereft us 
 
 Of her presence this day, 
 She said ere she left us 
 
 She'd come back and stay ; 
 This hope buoys our spirits, 
 
 Our grief we'll dispell, 
 She commended our merits 
 
 As she bade us Farewell. 
 
 When she thinks of returning 
 
 To the land of her sires. 
 She'll find our hearts burning 
 
 With pure loyal fires ; 
 We'll carol her praises 
 
 In mountain and dell, 
 Dispelling those mazes 
 
 Produc'd by Farewell. 
 
THE ROYAL TOUR. 
 
 Oh, Have you heard the news of late, 
 About our mighty Queen so great, 
 
 Who came to Scotland with her mate. 
 The Queen o* Britannia's Islands? 
 
 One night says she to Albert, " Dear, 
 Just now there's little doing here ; 
 
 I know you wish a shot at dee** 
 On the pine covered hills of the Highlands.* 
 
 " Oh, yes, Dear Vic, I'd like it so, 
 Tell Peel to let the people know, 
 
 The yacht may round to Plymouth go 
 For the Queen o* Britannia's Islands. 
 
 Wi' their Plymouth, Taymouth, Deary fun ! 
 
 Boat-ey afloat-ey ? then oif we run ; 
 Yacht-ready, daughter, oh'^ kiss-ey me son, 
 
 We're off to the heathery Highlands." 
 
 Our Mighty Queen grew very bad, 
 Sea sickness half the way she had,, 
 
 A thing indeed to make one sad, 
 
 For the Queen o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 And when she came to Granton Pier, 
 No man of note did there appear, 
 
 Except Bob Peel the old Premier, 
 Of the Queen o' Brtannia's Islands. 
 
 A Branch frae the Forest* should hae been 
 At least to welcome in their Queen ; 
 
 Biiccleiigh and Peel alone were seen, 
 
 To receive the young Queen o' the Islands. 
 
 With her No Re, Tory Peel may come, 
 Melbourne a shelve-ery, whiggery ? mum ; 
 
 Duke-her-he, took-her-to, Dali.eith, rum, 
 The Queen o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 * Sir James Forest. 
 
Forest, leaves, and branches,* sunk, 
 In mountain dew Teetot'ly di-unk ; 
 
 Tliey rose in the blues, all in a funk. 
 
 On hearing she'd pass'd for the Highlands* 
 
 Helter skelter people flew, 
 
 Of the Queen to catch a view ; 
 And angry folks were not a few, 
 
 On hearing she'd pass'd for the Highlands. 
 
 The Provost they blame, so off he ran ; 
 
 Oh ! but he was a pester'd man ; 
 But yet thro* Peel he got her plan, 
 
 *' Call agam *' e'er she went to the Highlands. 
 
 With her State day, wake ye, keys play clang, 
 Bell-meri-y, tell-her, eh? cannon bang ; 
 
 Fiag-gery, wag-gery, staggery ? sang. 
 The (^ueen o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 Next day she held a grand levee. 
 And ball at night to end the spree ; 
 
 Then of thePomp-eration free, 
 
 They started away for the Highlands. 
 
 A highlani] welcome there she got, 
 
 Unlike the first a well I wot. ; 
 Prince Albert, too, lie got a siiot, 
 
 At game on the pine covered lligldands. 
 
 The Queen, all clad in tartan j?ilk, 
 
 To the daii'v gaed for bread and milk ; 
 
 Surprised the maiden " of tliat Ilk." 
 
 The Queen in the byre i' t])e Highlands. 
 
 AVith tlieir coo-ey, moo-ey, cheese a wlirj:g,. 
 
 Cream in a crock wi' the butter amang ; 
 Treat her to meat wi' the dairy r.iaid Irn.g, 
 
 Tl:e Queen o' Britannia's I;^lands. 
 
 * 'i'he Lord Provost of Edinburgh, the I4a- 
 gbitrates, and Town Council. 
 
Sixteen fat deer Prince Albert kill'd, 
 With cocks and hares his bags were filled ; 
 
 At sporting shewd himself well skill'd 
 E'an up in the heathery Highlandsu 
 
 At night they had a highland ball, 
 
 Strathspeys and reels, sword dances, all— 
 
 Arranged in order by B'ox Maule, 
 
 Before the young Qaeen i* the Highlands. 
 
 Wilson auld Scotch sangs did sing, 
 Kilties caper'd the highland fling, 
 
 Bagpipes blew till rocks did ring 
 
 To the Queen i* the heathery Highlands. 
 
 With their roaring, snoring, martial twang, 
 Heel-ery, wheel-ery, kilty bang, 
 
 Scotia's melodies prettily sang 
 
 To the Queen i* the heathery Highlands. 
 
 Tho* Maule* beats Peel at shooting grouse 
 Peel mauls the fox when in the '* House ; *' 
 
 He cares not for his ** brush " a louse, 
 Yet jolly good friends in the Highlands. 
 
 The Queen e're leaving plants a tree, 
 Prince Albert another planted he, 
 
 Jn mem'ry of their Royal spree 
 
 On the pine cover'd hills o* the Highlands. 
 
 To connoisseurs 'twas quite a treat 
 
 To see her " handle *' so neat her feet ; 
 
 A regular gard'ner ne'er could beat, 
 
 At planting, the Queen i' the Highlands, 
 
 With her spade she made the turf to gang. 
 Soil her wi' toil in the earth amang, 
 
 ^hoot an* take root and a Royal tree lang 
 Shade that sacred spot in the Highlands. 
 
 * The Hon. Mr. Fox Maule, M.P. 
 
For home at length she wends her way 
 Acrops the picturesque I.och Tay. 
 
 Breadalbane, hail with pride the day 
 The Queen came into your Highlands. 
 
 Lord Willoughby's Clan, the next she met, 
 All kilted lads, a handsome set ; 
 
 Triumphal arch at every Yett, 
 
 All the way from the heathery Highlands. 
 
 Every house as white as snow, 
 
 Pure emblem of their love to show ; 
 
 More loyal hearts could ne'er o'erflow. 
 For the Queen o* Britannia's Islands. 
 
 With her smiling, wiling, witchey wang, 
 Beautiful, dutiful, canna do wi'ang. 
 
 Princery, wenchery, clench her, eh ? clang ! 
 We've heirs to Britannia's Islands. 
 
 For Lunch to Stirling's fort she went, 
 But now her time is nearly spent ; 
 
 To England back with speed she's bent 
 To see the young heir to the Islands. 
 
 And when she got to Granton pier 
 In every eye there stood a tear ; 
 
 To every heart she's now so dear, 
 The Queen o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 At length to Windsor home they get, 
 And on her knee the Prince her pet, 
 
 While Albert his young Princess met, 
 Royal bloods o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 With her " here my deary Albert come, 
 Sleepery deepery, " oh, by hum." 
 
 Squeezery, teazery, please her, eh ? mum, 
 The Queen o' Britannia's Islands. 
 
 Air for the above song : 
 " The King o' the Cannibal Islands." 
 
TOAST.— THE LADIES. 
 
 This toast in a bumper 
 
 Upstanding let's drain ; 
 No heart that is manly 
 
 Will ever refrain. 
 Then whatever his profession, 
 
 Whatever his trade is. 
 With a hearty good will 
 
 Let him drink to the Ladiet 
 
 Their sweet friendship beyond 
 
 Every measure we prize ; 
 Oh, their love ! dearest blessing 
 
 We've under the skies. 
 Which ever your choice is, 
 
 If she matron or maid is. 
 We embrace all the sex 
 
 In a health to the Ladies* 
 
 Ah ! Behold, they are present. 
 Just now in our view ; 
 
 We bow down to their charms- 
 Sure such homage is due. 
 
 For man, lordly man, now 
 Obscured in the shade is. 
 
 Eclipsed by the splendour 
 Of beautiful Ladies. 
 
 Tho' the nectar distilled from 
 
 Their lips does surpass 
 The juice of the grape now 
 
 Contained in this glass, 
 Let each, while he's sipping, 
 
 Call fancy to aid his 
 Ideas, and think 'tis 
 
 A kiss from the Ladiei. 
 
SONG 
 
 Composed for the occasion, and sung at the 
 grand entertainment given on opening the New 
 Asylum, Gartnavel. 
 
 Air — * A landlady in France.* 
 
 Good bye, old house ! good bye ! 
 
 Thro' the new one let us pry, 
 On this hill called Gartnavel it is standing, O ; 
 
 'Tis the finest house you'll find. 
 
 Throughout Europe, of the kind, 
 The view from it is pretty and commanding, O. 
 
 Near a thousand feet in length, 
 
 Beauty blended too with strength. 
 With conveniences of ev'ry kind so handy, ; 
 
 Recreations there you'll find. 
 
 Both for body and for mind, 
 In short 'tis an Asylum quite the dandy, O. 
 
 There's a Church wherein to pray, 
 
 Both at morn and close of day. 
 Where composedly the inmates all assemble, O ; 
 
 And to hear them singing praise 
 
 'T would a stranger quite amaze, 
 A thorough practis'd Band it does resemble, O. 
 
 For each class a Reading Room, 
 With a place to smoke or fume, 
 
 At a distance from the noisy and the randy, ; 
 And at Whist, that silent game. 
 You may play, and cannot blame, 
 
 Any noise at all for making you unhandy, 0. 
 
 There's a Billiard Table, too, 
 
 If you handle well the Que, 
 And like to knock the Balls about the Table, 0; 
 
 A Back-Gammon-Board and Chess, 
 
 With the Bagga telle no less ; 
 Play at any, or them all, if you are able, 0. 
 
There's besides a Printing Press, 
 
 By its aid you can express, 
 Tour ideas at a time, or try the Printing, ; 
 
 Aye, and if you're so inclin'd. 
 
 As a Devil you may find 
 Employment at the Office without stinting, 0. 
 
 We've some Hymn Books now to print, 
 
 So we give a timely hint. 
 And 'tis also our intent to try the Binding, ; 
 
 So in this department, too, 
 
 We'll require a hand or two, 
 Which we hope to have no difficulty finding, . 
 
 For working, there's the ground, 
 
 Sev'nty acres all around. 
 If you like to take a spade and try the lev'ling, ; 
 
 We've to dig a Curling Lake, 
 
 And a Bowling Green to make, [ing, O. 
 Which ought to be without the slightest bev'l- 
 
 Trees to plant before the door. 
 
 With the walks to gravel o'er. 
 And beautify the grounds with little fountains, 0, 
 
 With a Bower, or Summer Seat, 
 
 Here and there the eye to meet. 
 With some flowery artificial little mountains, 0. 
 
 In the Garden you may dig, 
 
 Rake or weed, don't care a fig. 
 So 'tis any thing that's useful recreation, ; 
 
 When you're sure 'twill do you good, 
 
 Give an appetite for food. 
 Never mind what was formerly your station, 0. 
 
 We'll prepare a Tennis Court, 
 
 'Tis both exercise and sport. 
 And clear a bit of ground to play at Cricket, ; 
 
 At the bottom of the hill. 
 
 By the margin of the rill. 
 Is a place already fit to put the wicket, 0. 
 
But the Theatre, when done, 
 
 Is far the best of fun, 
 And more general amusements sure to render, ; 
 
 While its happy good effect 
 
 We may easily detect. 
 From the pleasing smile it often doesengender,0. 
 
 While the music of the band 
 
 Does the vacant eye command. 
 And enchants it at once into attention, ; 
 
 Nay, in short, the treatment here. 
 
 The New System must endear 
 Unto all of you, a name I needn't mention, 0. 
 
 While Attendants one and all. 
 
 Into this New System fall, [pendence, ; 
 Now in buckles, belts, and muffs, there's no de- 
 
 'Tis the pleasing word and kind 
 
 Soothes the agitated mind — 
 A humane, but firm and uniform attendance, O* 
 
 Dr. Prichard Superintends, 
 
 And to all our wants attends. 
 In and out, round about, keeps arranging, O ; 
 
 From a needle to a nail. 
 
 Understands the whole detail, [ing, 0. 
 
 When the Patients are in want of any chang- 
 
 An accomplished Matron fair 
 
 Of the Ladies takes a care, [charming, ; 
 And soothes them by her strains bo sweet and 
 
 Of her lovely voice — while fun, 
 
 By our Mrs. Mapleson, 
 Is promoted, if it does'nt grow alarming, 0. 
 
 And the Females, second class, 
 
 We mus'n't let them pass. 
 Their Matron is at ev'ry thing so handy, ; 
 
 If there's ought lies in her way, 
 
 Mrs. Goff, oblige me, pray, [dandy, 0. 
 
 And you'll have it made and fitted quite tho 
 
Mr. Nichol of the accounts 
 
 Investigates the amounts, 
 In the business department and the farming, ; 
 
 All provisions he inspects, 
 
 And when bad the same rejects, 
 All reason for complaining thus disarming, O. 
 
 Baking, Brewing, and what not, 
 
 Kill a sheep as well's a stot, [ers, O ; 
 
 Pigeons, rabbits, cocks and hens, and little grunt- 
 
 For an airing there's a Chaise, 
 
 Drawn by pretty glossy bays. 
 High blooded as the racing race of Hunter*, O. 
 
 Ev'ry Medical advice, 
 
 You may have it in a trice. 
 Half a dozen young Assistants all so handy, O ; 
 
 The Physician at their head. 
 
 By whose precepts they are led ; 
 To conclude, 'tis an Asyhim quite the dandy, T 
 
 The Lord Provost has our thanks, 
 And those strangers in our ranks. 
 
 Who so kindly thus have ioin'd us at the table, O ; 
 In their praise a verse or two. 
 Some time hence I'll give to you, 
 
 But at present pray excuse me, Fm not able, O, 
 
 TOAST — Mr Sheritf B ell' s^ Health. 
 Air—* Fine old country gentleman,* 
 
 Thrice welcome are those strangers 
 
 Assembled here to-night ; 
 Their presence yields us pleasure sure^ 
 
 And enhances our delight. 
 
And first of all the Sheriff, 
 No less than Sheriff Bell, 
 Who kindly gives his presence here. 
 Our company to swell. 
 
 He's a fine tall learned Gentleman, 
 All of the modern time. 
 
 This kindness to appreciate. 
 
 We ought to know it all, 
 And His no little sacrifice, 
 
 For he's both stout and tall. 
 The learn'd, select, and wealthy, 
 
 He's left them to he sure, 
 To cheer the hearts of many here — 
 
 The humble and the poor. 
 He's a fine tall, <fec. 
 
 Such magnanimity we prize, 
 
 Its force we all must feel, 
 Then to the gratitude of all 
 
 I boldly now appeal — 
 To drink a flowing bumper 
 
 Our voices let us swell, 
 Altho' the roof should ring again, 
 
 To the health of Sheriff Bell. 
 He's a fine tall, ifec. 
 
 SPOKEN 
 
 On proposing the healths of the young Medical 
 Gentlemen of the Institution. 
 
 Toast — * The Clinical Assistants.* 
 
 Mr. Preses and Gentlemen, the very last time 
 We met thus together (I'll tell you in rhyme) ; 
 The very same toast, too, 'twas mine to proclaim, 
 If it doesn't get justice I alone am to blame ; 
 Since it ia my own choice, though aware all the while 
 
I ne'er can come up to the mark by a mile, 
 
 Of those Gentlemen here in describing the meriti — 
 
 The talents, acquirements, each singly inherits, 
 
 Urbanity, kindness, promoters of Fun, 
 
 By far the most palatable med'cine when done. 
 
 And without it 'tis certain are many who ne'er 
 
 Had meregd from the dark gloomy cloud of despair; 
 
 Warm hearted politeness, off handed and free, 
 
 The guardian of virtue, the soul of a spree. 
 
 I shall here mention prime the Senior four ; 
 
 The two who are juniors, Drs. Campbell and Orr; 
 
 Messrs. Prichard, M* Gavin, the seniors, and two 
 
 For the first time at table presented to view. 
 
 Mr. Wandesford, our friend of Artistical fame, 
 
 And Mr. Will Prichard, a standard good name. 
 
 Having mentioned them all, nothing else is required ; 
 
 With a zeal like my own every bosom seems fired ; 
 
 Every justice to do to this popular toast. 
 
 Six Professionals all in one bumper we boast ; 
 
 The Clinicals' healths, then, the time take from me, 
 
 Upstanding let's give hip, hurra ; three times three. 
 
 TOAST—' Good Night/ 
 
 Air — * Willie hrew'd a peck o* maut* 
 
 Before we part one bumper more, 
 
 A toast we ne'er could wish before ; 
 In such good company good night 
 
 Were said too soon in broad day light. 
 
 Tho' to part's our fate. 
 
 As the night grows late. 
 Our parting's full of mirth and glee ; 
 
 For we hope to meet. 
 
 And each other greet. 
 Some other time at another spree. 
 
 But since you seem resolv'd to go 
 In me 'twere needless to say no, 
 
Yet ere we go these ladies bright, 
 Upstanding bid them all good night. 
 Tho' to part's our fate, &c. 
 
 Directors, Sheriff, Strangers, all, 
 Before we leave this Festive Hall, 
 
 In name of all, I'm surely right. 
 In wishing all of you good night. 
 Tho' to part's our fate, <fcc. 
 
 May happy dreams our slumbers yield ; 
 
 Our waking, pleasing memory wield 
 His sceptre o'er each fancy's flight, 
 
 Indulg'd by us this same good night. 
 Tho' to part's our fate, <kc. 
 
 Of calm reflection stand the test. 
 
 And say that all have done their best ; 
 
 Contributing to that delight 
 
 We've felt and feel this same good night. 
 Tho' to part's our fate, &c. 
 
 May each successive meeting throw 
 Its influence around, and glow 
 
 With intellectual cheering light, 
 
 In dazzling brightness shown this night. 
 Tho' to part's our fate, &c. 
 
 Once more good night, this parting glass. 
 The last we'll drink to night, alas ! 
 
 Alas ! too soon thy charms take flight, 
 
 As now again we say good night. 
 
 Tho' to part's our fate, &c. 
 
 LUNAR OBSERVATIONS. 
 
 Pray, listen to me, gentlemen, 
 I shan't detain you long, Sirs ; 
 
 'Tis to Professor Nichol 
 I mean to sing a song, Sirs. 
 
For us he kindly did invite, 
 
 From I^unacy's abode, Sirs, 
 To gaze upon our queen of night 
 
 In scientific mode, Sirs. 
 Sing bow, wow, &c. 
 
 Hail, Science I and those arts of man ; 
 
 Here, aided by reflection. 
 In yon bright tube thro' which we scan 
 
 Celestial perfection. 
 Yon orb, once deem'd a cheese, or worse, 
 
 As a world we now discern. Sirs, 
 And fiU'd with Lunatics of course, 
 
 WeVe their treatment yet to leain, Sirs. 
 Sing bow, wow, <fec. 
 
 If their system's new, humane, and good, 
 
 Like that in yon house near. Sirs ; 
 If the reverse, when understood, 
 
 Let our Physician hear. Sirs. 
 Yon planets, which around our sun, 
 
 All in their orbits pass. Sirs ; 
 But for what Astronomy has done. 
 
 Might pass for jets of gas, Sirs. 
 Sing bow, wow, <kc. 
 
 My muse is bright and takes a flight, 
 
 Quite in a fi-antic fit. Sirs ; 
 But by and by we'll leave the sky. 
 
 And down beside you sit. Sirs ; 
 And never more attempt to soar 
 
 Beyond our proper sphere. Sirs, 
 Meantime to you our thanks are due, 
 
 Professor Nichol dear, Sir. 
 Sing bow, wow, <fcc. 
 
THE 
 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, 
 
 1 This is the House constructed by Jack, 
 At which little Charley did also hia whack ; 
 Thus combined, they'll resist anyVanton attack, 
 On this building allowed to be *' crack built." 
 
 3 This is the Clay, all shaven and shorn. 
 With straw well mixed, all tattered and torn ; 
 But now 'tis dry and hard as a horn, 
 Around the clay house that Jack built. 
 
 f This is the Roof right over your head, 
 
 'Twas made of the wood from the opposite shed ; 
 With a pole in the centre in lieu of lead. 
 O'er the little clay house that Jack built, 
 
 4 This is the Canvas which covers the roof, 
 Was got of the Theatre in behoof; 
 
 Now covered with straw, it is water proof, 
 O'er the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 * These are the Windows at each end, 
 At top they've got a sort of bend ; 
 On them both gables much depend, 
 Of the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 6 This is the Hole that runs into 
 
 Where Charlie's rabbits come peeping through ; 
 Both old and young come often in view, 
 Through wires in the house that Jack built. 
 
 T This is the Hatch through which to drop 
 
 Green leaves, if you please, and call — mop ! mop ! 
 They'll quickly appear with a bound and a hop, 
 To their food in the house that Jack built. 
 
S This is the Gfirret covered with broom, 
 
 Where the gentleman rabbit remains in gloom, 
 For fear he should hasten his offspring's doom, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 9 These are the Fenders made of wire, 
 Of yore they stood before the fire ; 
 But now take wings a little bit higher, 
 Caging birds in the house that Jack built. 
 
 10 This is the Cot for pigeons above ; 
 You'll hear them cooing and making love. 
 As tender as any turtle dove, 
 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 tl These are the "Windows neat and small, 
 You'll find one fixed in each clay wall ; 
 Of Gothic architecture all. 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 X2 This is the Henhouse covered with thatch, 
 "Where fowls may lay or even hatch ; 
 A game cock walks without a match, 
 Around the clay house that Jack built. 
 
 13 This is the Pen for ducks and a drake, 
 
 They may gabble away at their quaik ! quaik ! quaik ! 
 When fattened, we'll some of them roast or bake, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 14 These are the Poles, which at the door, 
 For canvas beds were used before ; 
 And will again, except the four 
 
 At the porch of the house that Jack built. 
 
 15 This is the Door we oft did see, 
 
 In the midst of the garden it used to be ; 
 The summerhouse-door beside the tree ; 
 But 'tis now on the house that Jack built. 
 
16 This is the Knocker ; knock and wait, 
 If any one's in they'll answer straight ; 
 If not, call again ; your rather too late 
 For the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 17 This is the Threshhold, enter in, 
 Touch nothing you see, for that's a sin ; 
 But laugh if you please, or even grin, 
 At the little^clay house that Jack built. 
 
 18 This is the Floor on which you stand. 
 Was formed of lime, of danders, and sand ; 
 With a drain all round for dryness planned, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 19 This is the Bench, the side of a bed, 
 But now 'tis a carpenter's bench instead ; 
 For fixing the vice on while filing lead. 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 "20 This is the Safe, 'twas once a trunk. 
 
 And of yore belonged to an ancient Monk 
 Of La Trappe, but now 'tis fairly sunk 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 21 This is the Press which opens — so. 
 Whenever the door you backwards throw, 
 For keeping things out of the way you know, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 22 This is the Table, as level's a die. 
 Whereon the case of types must lie. 
 Till stucco is poured on them to dry, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 23 This is the Writing desk, fitting prime, 
 
 Where we mean for amusement, when there's time, 
 To compose, as at present, a verse of rhyme, 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
d^ Tbia is the Chase contains the page, 
 Transferring it thence is a ticklish stage ; 
 If it falls into pie then we fall in a rage. 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 25 These are Recesses at each side, 
 Wherein those tools we often hide, 
 Which unto all we can't confide, 
 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 26 This is the Furnace built of bricks, 
 T he fuel is chiefly rotten sticks, 
 With which some cinders, too, we mix. 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 27 This is the Crucible — iron pot ; 
 Dissolves the metal when piping hot, 
 For stereotyping and what not, 
 
 In this little clay house for that built. 
 
 28 This is the Case contains the mould, 
 And there it remains till perfectly cold, 
 When a stereotype page you may behold. 
 In the little clay house that Jack built. 
 
 29 These are the Ottomans, small and neat, 
 An elegant, soft, oriental seat ; 
 
 Then pray sit down, you can't be beat, 
 In this little clay house so pat built. 
 
 80 This is the Dog of a famous breed, 
 For watching the house in time of need ; 
 So all night walkers pray take heed 
 Of the dog at the house that Jack built, 
 
 91 This is the Whole, now, if you please, 
 Feel quite at home and at your ease, 
 But don't begin to bother and tease 
 Poor Jack in the house that Jack built. 
 
LINES 
 ON THE DEATH OF GKACE DARLING. 
 
 Pause. Stranger ! Nor profane this hnmble turf 
 O'er her, fair heroine of the foaming surf 
 And towering wave of rock embattled shore, 
 Deliverer of the ship-wrecked, now alas I no more . 
 
 No more thy snowy arms shall eager ply 
 The oar 'mid whelming surge ; and at the cry 
 Of drowning mariners to nobly dare 
 To snatch from watery grave, or such to share. 
 
 Resolve how noble ! Acted on how well ! 
 Crown 'd with success, too ? grateful hearts can tell ; 
 While brave men trembled at the rash attempt 
 The Darlings only seem'd from fear exempt. 
 
 The daughter's courage did the father urge 
 With her to venture o'er the roaring surge ; 
 The white capp'd mountains of a raging sea 
 That barque surmounted, plied, fair maid, by theo. 
 
 And reach'd the shattered wreck in time to savd 
 Nine human beings from a watery grave ; 
 Too soon thy own, thy lowly grave lies here ; 
 Drop, Stranger, on that sod deep sorrow's tear. 
 
 Deserving tribute from the manly heart, 
 That worth so noble should so soon depart ; 
 The gentle sex, 'tis theirs by right to claim 
 Thy deeds, Grace Darling, in their book of fame. 
 
 And proud will be the noblest British Fair 
 The praise thj actions merit thus to share : 
 Thus, then, thy sex, the lovely sex alone, 
 Should join in placing o'er thy grave a stone. 
 
 And there the sculptor shall those virtues trace. 
 Which from fame's annals ages can't efiiice ; 
 Such tribute's due to one who thus displayed 
 The hero's daring, tho' an humble maid. 
 
THE DARK EYED MAID. 
 
 Air : — Oh ! bring me back my Arab steed. 
 
 Oh ! waft me to yon sunny isle, 
 
 Where the snow flake seldom falls ; 
 Where the radiant glow of beauty's smile 
 
 The drooping soul recalls ; 
 Where Sol's bright rays are cheering, 
 
 No clouds to intervene ; 
 Each dazzling beam appearing, 
 
 To gladden nature's scene. 
 
 Where myrtle-scented jassamine 
 
 Perfumes the orange grove ; 
 There let me quaff the rosy wine. 
 
 And tune the soul to love. 
 Then guide me to the shady bower, 
 
 Beneath the moon's pale beam, 
 Where night will seem a fleeting hour, 
 
 A heaven depicted dream. 
 
 In am'rous mood reclining, 
 
 There sighs the dark eyed maid. 
 Each jetty ringlet shining, 
 
 In careless contrast laid ; 
 On that fair bosom heaving. 
 
 Soft billows pure and white. 
 Love's freighted barque receiving 
 
 In that haven of delight. 
 
 That waist so small and slender. 
 
 Inviting love's embrace ; 
 Could ought but love engender. 
 
 Sweet smiles like these I trace. 
 And, oh !* those lips enticing, 
 
 Who could refuse to kiss, 
 That kiss alone suflicing 
 
 To point the way to bliss ! 
 
SONG. 
 
 THE FALDETTE. 
 
 Air : — Oh, no, we never mention her. 
 
 Of all the various gay costumes 
 
 The witching sex can wear, 
 I'd fancy most the glossy black 
 
 T-adorn the charming fair ; 
 \nd like that portrait in its style, 
 
 A style I'll ne'er forget ; 
 The flouncing skirt, the spencer pink, 
 
 And graceful dark Faldette. 
 
 Even now I love to gaze upon, 
 
 And pencil out that face ; 
 For there a strong resemblance to 
 
 My first young flame I trace ; 
 She, too, a lovely young Maltese, 
 
 An am'rous gay brunette. 
 And she, like this, did also wear 
 
 The graceful dark Faldette. 
 
 The silk — the glossy dark Faldette, 
 
 Contains some magic charm. 
 When shifted to and fro upon 
 
 A Maltese lady's arm. 
 Manoeuvred thus it seldom fails 
 
 One's appetite to whet. 
 To see what countenance may lurk 
 
 Beneath the dark Faldette. 
 
 The stranger meets a female glance 
 
 Would cause old age to sigh, 
 For melting tenderness in jet 
 
 Beams fi'om each speaking eye ; 
 I did, and ever since that time, 
 
 Have felt a deep regret, 
 That ere I left that sunny isle. 
 
 And graceful dark Faldette. 
 
SPOKEN BY THE AUTHOR, 
 
 AFTER MR. C.S SPEECH PROPOSING THB 
 
 HEALTH OF DR. HUTCHESON, 
 
 PHYSICIAN TO THE INSTITUTION. 
 
 The most eloquent speech of my friend Mr. C. 
 
 Renders any addition uncalled for from me ; 
 
 Regarding the toast upon which he has spoken, 
 
 It speaks for itself, and is surely a token 
 
 Of the general good feeling and good understanding 
 
 Our worthy Physician is always commanding. 
 
 A short time indeed is sufficient to show 
 
 The most sceptical even what all here must know. 
 
 Endeared to us all by his kindness of feeling ; 
 
 To each individual the fairest of dealing ; 
 
 For myself I can say, there are few here, if any, 
 
 Who from time past, experience, can instance so many 
 
 Occasions on which, by his plan of proceeding, 
 
 The restless grew calm, and the heedless grew heeding ; 
 
 Each amusement encouraged, its influence to throw 
 
 In improving the intellect, many here know. 
 
 If his plans are but followed, have cordial support, 
 
 The New House will be quite a focus of sport. 
 
 Even now, when stern winter's cold blast howls around. 
 
 And no recreation out of doors can be found, 
 
 No lack of amusement is here, while we work. 
 
 At making a costume for Greek, Jew, or Turk ; 
 
 Embroid'ring with tinsel, to give stage effect ; 
 
 Making guns out of wood you could scarcely detect ; 
 
 Painting gardens and groves, side wings, and what not; 
 
 Printing bills to proclaim the part ev'ry one's got ; 
 
 Rehearsing by day to be ready at night 
 
 In our Theatre Royal our friends to delight. 
 
 Thus, instead of complaining, and wishing to leave it, 
 
 It would grieve some to go, nay, I firmly believe it. 
 
 By what I've observed, there are many who would, 
 
 At this moment continue to stay if they could. 
 
 And none have a right of those changes to boast. 
 
 Like the gentleman drank in the preceding toast. 
 
PARODY ON THE MISELTOE BOUGH. 
 
 The pain of my toe. 
 
 The Wellingtons hung on the chamber wall, 
 But of late procured at an old man's stall ; 
 And my daddy retained them, they look'd so gay, 
 Keeping their gloss both by night and by day. 
 And oft he beheld, with a secret pride, 
 His beautiful boots so easy and wide ; 
 While pulling them on they seemed to be 
 Fit boots for a goodly company. 
 
 As he walk'd to and fro ; 
 
 Oh, he walk'd to and fro. 
 
 I'm weary of walking now he cried. 
 
 Go saddle my mare, for I'll ride, I'll ride ; 
 
 And Bobby be sure thou'rt the first to trace 
 
 My steps behind to the steeple chase. 
 
 Away he flew, and his mare began 
 
 Each hedge to clear and each ditch to span ; 
 
 Then halting, he cried, Oh why do I ride ? 
 
 This boot on the left leg 1 cannot abide. 
 
 Oh, the pain of my toe ; 
 
 Oh, the pain of my toe. 
 
 Dismounting, at length, ere the close of the day, 
 With the bridle in hand he limp'd on his way ; 
 The hardest, the sorest, the lowermost spot 
 Of his left boot rubb'd, but no ease he got. 
 Time flew by, while he swore at the last 
 Those Wellingtons formed, as he homeward past ; 
 And when he appeared, the children cried, 
 See, the old man limps by the grey mare's side. 
 
 With the pain of his toe ; 
 
 Oh, the pain of his toe. 
 
At length this annoyance, a long time hid, 
 They found when the boot from his leg was slid, 
 A tea spoon disfonn^d lay squeezed up there, 
 Dropt from the hands of his daughter fair. 
 In humoursome play and in sportive jest, 
 'Twas hid in the boot and his toe distressed ! 
 He gave it a fling in the fire, and soon 
 Not a vestige remained of the small tea spoon, 
 
 Or the pain of his toe ; 
 
 Oh, the pain of his toe. 
 
 TO THE READER. 
 
 The following letter's in the style 
 In which the famous bard of Kyle 
 Addressed the deil, old nick or devil. 
 It may perhaps be deem'd uncivil 
 In such a strain to write to one 
 Who ranks as * Brother to the Sun/ 
 While * Reason's Glory' is the name 
 To which his Majesty lays claim. 
 That Glory's dim, alas ! to view. 
 When thus for peace oblig'd to sue. 
 His * rebel-quelling Gen'rals' quelled, 
 From fortresses and towns expell'd. 
 The last we've heard of China news 
 Is that the Emperor does refuse 
 (From principles of etiquette) 
 To sign the treaty till they get 
 Our Sov'reign Queen to take the lead 
 In signing that important deed. 
 Meantime there comes a reg'lar slash 
 Of money home in good hard cash. 
 Tis thought 'twill help to do away 
 With th' Income Tax ; I hope it may. 
 Glasgow, Dec. 2, 1842. J. R. A. 
 
TO REASONS GLORY! 
 
 BROTHER TO THE SUN AND MOON, GRAND UNCLE TO 
 THE STARS, ETC. 
 
 Celestial Prince ! what think ye noo 
 O' us, the * vile barbarian crew ? » 
 We've lower'd you a peg or two, 
 
 (If no terrestrial,) 
 We've shown you in your colours true 
 
 Ought but celestial. 
 
 Your fallen chops I think I see. 
 Your lang pig tail's a wee agee. 
 Since rude Barbarians mak' sae free 
 
 An' sae uncivil. 
 As swear, if ye but tell ae lee. 
 
 They'll play the devil. 
 
 That 'gin ye dinna pay the cash, 
 They'll just begin again to thrash 
 Your mandarins, an' maybe smash 
 
 Your sacred palace ; 
 An' wha could say they acted rash. 
 
 Or out o' malice ? 
 
 For mony an insult ill to bear 
 Ye've put on us * barbarians fair,' 
 Sae noo tak' tent, an' aye beware 
 
 No to provoke us ; 
 But * Siraik us canny wi' the hair,' 
 
 Nor think to mock us. 
 
 There's Pottinger, the Plenipo, 
 Fu' weel prepar'd to let you know 
 Deceivin' him would be * nae go,' 
 
 Wi' chops and speeches ; 
 He maun hae something else to show, 
 
 Or mak' mae breaches. 
 
On equal terms wi* you hell treat. 
 But ne'er be fley'd your face to meet,. 
 Nor lick the dust aneath your feet, 
 
 On's knees a-creepin' ; 
 Lang syne we heard o' sic a feat 
 
 Performed at Pekin. 
 
 Sic sights again ye^ll seldom see ! 
 Britannia's sons, the brave and free. 
 Afore your Highness bend the knee 
 
 In supplication ! 
 Our Bull-dogs first would bark a wee. 
 
 They've great persuasion. 
 
 ' An' if ye dinna tak' advice 
 Frae past experience, an' be wise. 
 Or lang we'll hae anither slice 
 
 O' your dominions ; 
 Nor ever speer at you its price. 
 
 Nor at your minions. 
 
 Hae mind o* this, ye're but a Tartar, 
 How easy noo to spoil your charter ! 
 Or tak' your crown, an' gie't in barter 
 
 To some Chinese, 
 Wha'll mair obedient be, an* smarter 
 
 Than you to please. 
 
 Chusan, Amoy, an* Go-Lang- Soo, 
 Are pledg'd, alang wi' Foo-Chou-Foo, 
 Unless ye pay the cash when due. 
 
 They'll a' belong 
 To Britain, without mair ado. 
 
 As weel's Hong Kong. 
 
 Tour empire's been a seaFd up book, 
 "Whereon a stranger durst na look ; 
 
But noo, I think, we'll hae a kook 
 
 Amang its leaves ; 
 An' this ye maun in silence brook 
 
 Howe'er it grieves. 
 
 Your rebel-quelling Generals a*, 
 Forced ilk in turn to run awa' ; 
 They canna stand it oot aya' 
 
 With British boys ; 
 You're a' palaver, chops and jaw, 
 
 An' gabblin' noise. 
 
 Amang you some auld prophecy 
 Says * China yet maun conquered be 
 By fair barbarians o'er the sea, 
 
 A Woman too 
 Commanding/ — an' it looks a wee 
 
 Like that the noo. 
 
 O wad ye do the thing that's right, 
 Put confidence in British might, 
 Nae mair wi' us presume to fight 
 
 But live in peace ; 
 To lawfu' commerce gie your weight, 
 
 'Twill aye increase. 
 
 When nations baith hae understood 
 Sic fi'ien'Iy terms, by land an' flood, 
 Sae weel secur'd in kindly mood 
 
 An' gen'rous feeling ; 
 At ilka Court a Consid should 
 
 Secure fair dealing. 
 
 A Mandarin then, sen' to Lunnon, 
 A darin' man ! nae doubt to pun on ! 
 By ladies he'll be greatly run on. 
 
 To see his tail ! 
 As on the crown o's head its hung on 
 
 Like barn door flail. 
 
Send here jwur sons to ^et their lair, 
 O' them we'll hae a special care ; 
 They'll see enough to gar them stare 
 
 Amang the rebels ^ 
 Tho' late events (I'll say nae mair) 
 
 Hae turn'd the tables. 
 
 This treaty in the end we trust 
 May terminate in guid, an' must ; 
 Meantime knock aff the growin' rust 
 
 On our machines, 
 If for our goods ye'U pay the dust. 
 
 An' keep guid frien's. 
 
 Noo fare-ye-weel auld Cream o' Tartar, 
 Tak' this adyice (ye've gotten quarter) 
 Respect our Queen, O dinna thwart her. 
 
 Nor be ungallant ; 
 What think ye o' a Star an* Garter ? 
 
 My gay auld callant ! 
 
 ENIGMA* 
 
 My first is so graceful ! our lovely young Queen 
 In its list of admirers has lately been seen 
 To contribute, and thus an example to set 
 That virtue, tho* humble, we ne'er should forget. 
 My second and third are in truth darling themes 
 Personified oft in a young lover's dreams ; 
 In sincerity utter'd 'tis a word to endear 
 Asa proof of regard while it pleases the ear. 
 ^J fourth is so deep and exceedingly grave 
 That ent'ring into it 'twere better to wave. 
 And therefore beg leave for the time to conclude. 
 Hoping now gentle reader my ic^AoZe's understood. 
 But if not I'll explain, while your pardon I crave. 
 For bringing you thus to the brink of the grave. 
 
 * For solution, see Note* 
 
WARNING 
 
 TO VISITORS AT THE PRINTING OFFICE, GARTNATEL. 
 
 All ye who enter here, beware ! 
 
 Surplic'd monk — or novice fair, 
 
 Not to touch or handle ought 
 
 Within this sacred cloister brought. 
 
 Sacred to letters is our cell, 
 
 Bound by a letter-ary spell ! 
 
 But woe betide the hand shall break 
 
 That spelling, or a pie shall make. 
 
 Use well your eyes, or e'en your tongues, 
 
 Or if you please extend your lungs 
 
 In chaunting requiems — songs of praise, 
 
 Or e'en rehearsing scraps of plays. 
 
 But with those hands we do deny 
 
 You privilege to make a pie ! 
 
 Did you possess a deviVs claws, 
 
 Before asserting this we*d pause ; 
 
 We've felt and still must feel distress 
 
 To witness trifling with the press, 
 
 A useful engine when 'tis us'd 
 
 Just as it should be — not abus'd. 
 
 As for those types, set up in case. 
 
 Keep from them, and they'll keep their place. 
 
 And from the rollers stand well back, 
 
 Else they may leave their mark — 'tis black ; 
 
 The marble slabs a similar hue 
 
 With ink — so keep at distance due. 
 
 Being now forewarned wherein you may 
 
 Be apt to err, no more we'll say. 
 
 But hope you'll do as here directed, 
 
 Nor hazard being hence ejected. 
 
 J. R. A. 
 
 Gartnavel Printing Office. 
 
SONG 
 
 Composed at the bottom of a well which was du{; 
 on the grounds at Gartnavel, 
 
 Air—* The Whalers.' 
 
 Full many a spade in the blue clay's laid, 
 
 While making this deep hole ; 
 And I'll lay any bet spring water we shall get 
 
 Ere we come to the black, black coal. 
 Brave boys, fal lal, &c. 
 Then never never tire at shoveling the mire, 
 
 But make the buckets to tell ; 
 Let the men at the wheel their full weight feel, 
 
 And we'll soon have a deep, deep well, 
 Brave boys, fal lal, <fec. 
 
 Lower carefully down, nor knock a fellow's crown, 
 
 And be cautious when you land 
 The buckets above — when the dirt you remove, 
 
 On the platform let them stand, 
 Brave boys, fal lal, <fec. 
 Till you hear us say. Come lower it away. 
 
 Then let the tackling go ; 
 And 'twill yet be found, 40 feet under ground, 
 
 Spring-water will overflow. 
 
 Brave boys, fal lal, <fec. 
 At cradling never stop till you get to the top. 
 
 And key the bricks to the pUimb ; 
 If they chance to fall in, 'twill be a shame and sin, 
 
 And would knock my muse quite dumb, 
 Brave boys, fal lal, <fec. 
 Then steady, my boys, make very little noise, 
 
 But keep a sharp look out ; 
 Of the cold water cure you may all be sure, 
 
 When we come to a water spout, 
 Brave boys, fal lal, &c. 
 
SPOKEN 
 
 On proposing the Clinical Assistants^ Healths, 
 and the general Staff of the Institution* at a 
 supper after the play of Guy Mannering. 
 
 Mr Preses, Directors, Gentlemen, all 
 Who now sit around in this gay festive hall, 
 Bear with me a little, I shan't keep you long ; 
 If I did you might think I was * coming it strong:' 
 I've the healths of the staff of the house to pro- 
 And all at one gulp, 'tis a moderate dose, [pose ; 
 But certain I am 'twill be drank with a zest, 
 And most so by those who have known them the 
 To a similar toast I have spoken before, [best ; 
 And at that time I mention'd first Dr R. Orr, 
 But now he's promoted and otherwise fix'd. 
 And shall name in his stead Dr Campbell the next. 
 But now in the toast we include mother Church, 
 And hitherto here she's been left in the lurch ; 
 Tho as yet we've got nothing to call by the name, 
 A chaplain we've got whose friendship we claim, 
 Nor claim it in vain, for his kindness endears, 
 And the heart that desponds he enlivens and 
 No gloomy fanaticy frowns in his face, [cheers ; 
 But Christian benevolence we easily trace. 
 May his labours succeed, and crown the desires 
 Of om* chaplain, the Reverend good Mr Byers. 
 And now, in a kind of a retrograde amble, 
 I recur to my fore-mention'd friend, Dr Campbell. 
 To express what I feel just here to his face 
 May be taken for blarney, and deem'd out of place ; 
 I shall therefore refer you to look at his phiz : 
 His countenance tells you at once what he is — 
 A warm-hearted gentleman, gen'rous and free ; 
 From experience I speak, he has been so to me. 
 The next, DrPrichard, that's Tom, superintends. 
 To our wants and our wishes a willing ear lends ; 
 
To all our amusements of labour and art. 
 He clears out the way with hand and with heart ; 
 He's a critic in literature, doubtless no less. 
 But his efforts are for — not to cut up the press \ 
 Tea or nay is the word with him, and no mistake, 
 He*s an English gentleman all * wide awak^ ;* 
 And so is his brother, I mean Mr Bill, 
 Fun and frolic he loves, and good company still, 
 Free and easy you find him, quite easy and free, 
 And he'll sing you a song with the best at a spree ; 
 And sprees in abundance he seems to bo at, 
 Aye, and something besides, I'm certain of that : 
 Stranger things we've seen than an Englishman's 
 
 bride 
 Wooed and won on the beautiful banks of the 
 
 Clyde ; 
 Then there's Dr M' Gavin, so learn'd and sedate, 
 "Who personified Dominie Sampson of late ; 
 From the manner he acted his part, I must say 
 That the cream of the piece with the Dominie lay; 
 But it is not the part now and then we assume 
 Our own innate goodness and worth can illume ; 
 Equanimity, kindness, and goodness of heart, 
 Are each to the Dr. a natural part. 
 The next is a gentleman artist of fame : 
 His works speak best for him — they put me to 
 
 shame — 
 I mean Mr Wandesford, what more can I say, 
 Than refer you at once to the scenes of the play ; 
 And there demonstration and ocular proof. 
 You'll find why to laud him, I stand thus aloof; 
 No language of mine could paint them to you 
 Half so well as a simple — a transient view ; 
 Mirth, music, and poetry — ^painting combined. 
 Concentrate and throb in his sensitive mind. 
 The next 's Mr Ramsay, but lately come here 
 
With his presence our snug little parties to cheer ; 
 As yet, I can't venture to say much about him, 
 But he'll come out a star in this sphere, never 
 
 doubt him, 
 If he'll only be guided, and do like the rest, 
 For they all act so well I can't say who does best. 
 Mr Nichol sustains a most prominent part : 
 To him we've to look for sustaining the heart- 
 To nourish us through the fatigues of the day, 
 Aye, and something t' enliven us after the play. 
 Now, the last and the least of our medical staff 
 Is Mr Charles Goyder, his health too let's quaff. 
 Our young 'pothecary ; but little, 'tis true, 
 Still possess'd of rare talents, to give him his due ; 
 He'll mix you a bolus, or sing you a song. 
 While the part of a young rogue to him does belong 
 I mean in the play — he's the little decoy ; 
 As the song has it, ' Sure he's a beautiful boy.' 
 Now, these are the names of the gentleman all — 
 The short and the long of them, little and tall ; 
 Their healths in a bumper, from me take the time, 
 And hope you'll excuse me for speaking in rhyme. 
 
 SONG 
 
 Composed and sung at the annual entertainment 
 given to the domestics at Gartnaveh to which, 
 and others at the season, the Author was in^ 
 vited hy the Medical Gentlemen, 
 
 Air — Hey Johnny Cope, 
 
 Now here we've met at the servants* spree, 
 Where dancing, fun, and jollity 
 is the order of things — and is sure to be 
 Until daylight in the morning. 
 
The servants' spree is the best ava, 
 There's a mingling there of great an'sma*, 
 That's half-and-half — so the corks we'll draw 
 And drink till a's blue i' the morning. 
 
 The Doctor here comes in for a snack, 
 While the staff Sive sure to get their whack, 
 And so do I — you all know Jack, 
 Or will do before the morning. 
 
 We've nurses and laundry maidens here. 
 And cooks who prepare for us good cheer; 
 With wash-house maids, who make things clear, 
 And they'll clear many a glass ere morning. 
 
 Gartnavel girls, when neatly dress'd. 
 In appearance might vie with the very best. 
 While for modesty they'll stand the test 
 Either early or late in the morning. 
 
 And here we've got Attendants' wives, 
 May they thus be attended all their lives. 
 And have plenty of use for forks and knives 
 With an appetite every morning. 
 
 We've Attendants here, baith head and tail. 
 There's Heggie and the Duke, I will go bail, 
 And many more, will be under sail 
 With their cargo ere 'tis morning. 
 
 The M*Kinnons here, who can make a man 
 On the very newest fashioned plan, 
 While the shoemaker every foot will scan 
 As it trips on toe till morning. 
 
 We've carpenters, smiths, and masons too', 
 Wi' gardener John, wha tak's time to rue, 
 And turns teetotal aye after he's fou', 
 But first he maun hae his * morning/ 
 
And last, tho' by no means least of all, 
 We may hope (and 'tis not a privilege small) 
 To dance with the Matrons at the ball. 
 Or escort them hame in the morning. 
 
 But I'm maist oot o* breath being nearly done, 
 Tho' my yarn I fear's but coarsely spun, 
 Still here's to the jig and the forthcoming fun 
 That we'll hae afore the morning. 
 
 RIDDLE FOR THE FAIR SEX. 
 
 A maid, importuned for a kiss by her lover, 
 Declar'd she would not, by her Maker above her, 
 Till he unto her had willingly granted 
 What he never possessed nor ever yet wanted. 
 That he never could have what she ask'd him to 
 
 give, 
 Quite certain she was too as long as he'd live ; 
 Yet as firmly resolved that until he gave this 
 To her, he could ne'er have her sanction to kiss. 
 
 QUERY. 
 
 Now what could it be the fair maiden expected ? 
 'Twas enough to send off her adorer dejected ; 
 To think that his true love should ask him — for 
 
 what? 
 For that which he had not ! what could she be at ? 
 And now, my fair readers, I cannot do less 
 Than leave you at present this riddle to guess ; 
 But if its solution you cannot make out, 
 Pray demand it of me and you'll get it no doubt. 
 
SONG 
 
 BEFORE THE HEALTH OF DR HUTCHESON, 
 
 At theeiHtertainment on ushering in the New Year, 
 
 Before proceeding further 
 
 With that toast next in hand. Sir, 
 Allow me for a moment 
 
 Your notice to command, Sir. 
 But having little now to say, 
 
 111 say it all in rhyme, Sir, 
 In prose I'm fit to speak to you 
 
 At any other time, Sir. 
 Sing bow wow, &c. 
 
 The toast to which I now allude 
 
 Is one we all should drink, Sir, 
 To the bottom — were it half-a-mile 
 
 From that up to the brink, Sir. 
 And with a jovial hip-hurra 
 
 Of three times three at least, Sir, 
 'Tis to the chief promoter 
 
 Of this our joyous feast. Sir. 
 Sing bow wow, <fec. 
 
 And many other comforts, 
 
 Amusements, and what not, Sir, 
 Which by the gentlemen around 
 
 Should never be forgot. Sir. 
 The best is done to please Us all, 
 
 And be it understood. Sir, 
 For such we ought at least to show 
 
 A heartfelt gratitude. Sir, 
 Sing bow wow, <fec. 
 
 To our physician, Dr. H., 
 
 'Tis him, you know, I mean. Sir, 
 
 So fill your glasses to the brim, 
 Let no daylight be seen, Sir. 
 
Still may domestic happiness 
 Thro' life with him abide, Sir, 
 
 A healthy progeny surround 
 His cozy ingle side, Sir. 
 Sing bow wow, <fec. 
 
 For many, many years to come. 
 
 May he at Hogmonay, Sir, 
 Be fit to welcome in the year 
 
 That comes with coming day, Sir ; 
 And now 'tis drawing on apace, 
 
 Within an hour or so. Sir, 
 To eighteen forty-four each glass 
 
 With wine shall overflow. Sir. 
 Sing bow wow, <fcc. 
 
 I see youVe all impatience grown. 
 
 You know what name's to come, Sir, 
 For me I'd drink it three times three. 
 
 In brandy, gin, or rum, Sir. 
 So here it goes in negus hot, 
 
 To Dr. Hutcheson, Sir, 
 Our excellent physician. 
 
 Promoter of the fun. Sir. 
 Sing bow wow, cfcc. 
 
 ENIGMA. 
 
 To find out my first, of two articles choose 
 The one which in printing we oftenest use. 
 My second's admired by all ladies of taste, 
 If handsome and pretty, and neat round the waist. 
 All fashions in dress with my second attach'd, 
 With connoiseur's eyes by those ladies are watch'd. 
 
My third bears a likeness to woman's fair fame. 
 Since a slanderous breath both may sully the 
 
 same ; 
 And as brittle besides, tho' when rubb'd up anew 
 I think on the whole 'tis much easier seen through. 
 My fourth is the name of a famous gut-scraper 
 Of yore, who around him caus'd many a caper ; 
 Thro' the poems of Scotia's bard you may look. 
 You'll find the same name in a part of the book. 
 Mj fifth and my sixth around Ocean's Queen, 
 In splendour's emblazoned ; in Royalty's seen. 
 My seventh and eighth, when concentred in one> 
 Gives a Queen who presides, tho' not under the 
 
 sun. 
 My ninth has been frequently wanted by those, 
 Whom the dew of the mountain begins to dispose 
 To sit it out longer, but cash running short 
 On my ninth have to call to continue the sport. 
 My tenth the twin brother, sole friend of my first, 
 In this very country by one mother nurs'd. 
 My eleventh's produced by deep anguish and grief. 
 And to those deep in love it may yield some relief. 
 My twelfth and my last, most stupendous of all, 
 Four hundred and fifty odd feet it is tall ; 
 As yon urchins from school say to each othercome 
 And see the flag flying on Tennant's big lum. 
 My whole is compris'd in a lovely retreat, 
 In splendour resembling a nobleman's seat. 
 Come read me my riddle, come tell me its name, 
 If not — look below, you may find it — the same. 
 
 SOLUTION. 
 
 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.11. 12. 
 
 THE NEW GLAS-GOW ROY-AL LU-NA-TIC A - SY - LUM. 
 
^esEnted to Jiis Majesty^ Frederick Augustus, King of 
 Saxony on his visit to the Glasgow Royal Lunatic 
 Asylum, Gartnavel, 
 
 Fame ! let thy trumpet thro' the Isles resound, 
 
 A theme^s well worthy of thy echo found ; 
 
 Let it be heard o'er hill and dale to ring, 
 
 Oartnavel's visit frem the Saxon King ! 
 
 A sovereign, as loud fame has spread abroad, 
 
 Who loves his subjects while he fears his God ; 
 
 Thrice welcome, monarch, to Qur mansion here, 
 
 The glance of Royalty all hearts must cheer. 
 
 'Tis cheering to contemplate such would deign 
 
 To feel an interest even in th' insane ; 
 
 Cheering to watch the monarchs of the eartk 
 
 To friendly intercourse thus giving birth. 
 
 The olive branch of peace can never die, 
 
 When watered thus by hands of Royalty ; 
 
 And while this stately edifice you view, 
 
 And scan those various comforts thro' and thro*> 
 
 Contrast them with the treatment used of late, 
 
 (And not indeed of very ancient date,) 
 
 When muffs and belts, and every harsh restraint, 
 
 The atmosphere around with groans did taint. 
 
 But thanks to what our kind Physician's done, 
 
 Those belts, those buckles, now cause laughter— *fon» 
 
 Those instruments of torture — at the play. 
 
 As slings and sword-belts, now we can display; 
 
 Thus happy looks you cannot fail to trace 
 
 Depicted in the conscious inmate's face, 
 
 While unrestrained they spend, in work or play, 
 
 Each in their proper sphere, the passing day. 
 
 Nor does amusement with the daylight cease, 
 
 Nay, after that, of late, 'twas on the increase ; 
 
 While stood our Theatre Royal, trig and neat, 
 
 Methinks your Majesty had seen u treat* 
 
Had you arrived a few weeks sooner here, 
 We might have had the honour to appear 
 Before your gracious self. But now, alas ! 
 'Tis all demolish'd ; but we'll let that pass ; 
 As 'tis expected, since the scenes remain, 
 Were there a fitting place they're hung again. 
 , What pity 'tis that all our fancy dresses 
 Should useless lie, with wigs and female tresses. 
 But on this subject having said so much. 
 On any other there's no room to touch ; 
 'Tis not for lack of matter, but the stress 
 Of the chief obstacle lies in the press, 
 Which being small, there's little space to flatter 
 In one small sheet — I hear you say * no matter.' 
 I know it is, and therefore won't commence 
 When time to end — 'twill show some little sense ,* 
 Meantime, your Majesty assured may rest, 
 All with this honour deeply feel impress'd ; 
 This condescension long shall reign the theme 
 Of waking mem'ry and the pleasing dream, 
 That long a sov'reign you may reign secure 
 In loving subjects' bosoms — loyal, pure, 
 Is here the wish express'd and felt by all. 
 The old, the young, the dwarfish and the tall. 
 
 J. R. A. 
 
 Gartnavel, 1st August, 1844, 
 
 LINES 
 
 On seeing the Coronation Plate and the Wellington Stutue, 
 
 See ! the brave old warrior stand 
 Before his sov'reign, cap in hand, 
 With silv'ry hairs and furrowed face, 
 Whereon time's ploughshare deep we trace. 
 
Still there, that noble profile stands 
 Conspicuous, and our gaze commands* 
 That aged warrior there as seen 
 Contrasted with our youthful Queen,. 
 The hero of an kvndred fights, 
 Who still would die to guard her rights^ 
 That sov'reign Lady, young and fair. 
 High seated in yon regal chair. 
 Receives from him the homage due 
 From him, the Prince of Waterloo ! 
 While round the throne, in robes of state,. 
 Are seen the noble, brave, and great, 
 With female loveliness displayed, 
 In all the pomp of dress arrayed. 
 But still of all that gorgeous throng 
 He's the chief theme- of this my song ; 
 He whose division at Assaye 
 So gallantly did lead the way. 
 And conquered ere his colleague came ; 
 This action stamped his rising fame, 
 But not on India's soil alone 
 Has he in war conspicuous shone. 
 In Portugal, and then in Spain, 
 Bid he unfading laurels gain. 
 There ! 'gainst the chivalry of France, 
 'Gainst valiant Soult he couch'd his lance. 
 Soult ! who thro' every scene in war 
 Could act his part — a blazing star ; 
 But all those arts he tried in vain 
 To drive brave Wellington from Spain. 
 Europe at length proclaims a peace. 
 And then those gory conflicts cease. 
 Deceitful peace I — short calm before 
 Yon hurricane, that rent each shore 
 With lamentations for those brave 
 Who found on Belgium's soil a grave. 
 
The great Napoleon — now onee more? 
 
 Reviews his troops on Gallia's shore ;: 
 
 Vet'rans now burning to be led 
 
 To vict'ry or to glory^s hed. 
 
 By him who used of princes, kings, 
 
 And dynasties, to Hiake playthings ; 
 
 On whom he pleas'd he plac'd a crown, 
 
 While nations trembled at his frown ! 
 
 What kingdom dared his might withstancJ 
 
 Like fair Britannia's sea-girt land f 
 
 For why ? she knew she still could boast 
 
 Of one who was himself an host. 
 
 Who through the world had fought and won^ 
 
 Napoleon's match !■ — 'twas Welliagton I 
 
 Those rival chiefs in Europe's sight 
 
 Now grapple in the mortal fight 
 
 On that red field — where first they met„. 
 
 One brilliant star was doomM to set. 
 
 This was his stake ! — the game he knew,, 
 
 But miss'd^ — a deal^^sit Waterloo ; 
 
 Our hero's practis'd eye could catch 
 
 The moment when to claim the match. 
 
 That crisis came— that word was pass'd 
 
 From square to square, the die was cast ;- 
 
 Those squares deploy, as on parade,. 
 
 That line was form'd, that charge was made*. 
 
 The bayonets gleam along the line. 
 
 High over head bright helmets shine ; 
 
 One shout, one British shout, is. given, 
 
 Gaul's bravest sons are backward driven ; 
 
 They reel t they stagger ! ^ Suam cJie ^eti^*" 
 
 Their last parole at; Waterloo. 
 
 But drop my muse, the curtain here,, 
 
 And with it drop the sacred tea? 
 
 For those who fell in that dread, strif%. 
 
 And j^a^ed, gloriiouslj: with life 
 
M dttty's can T brare Pioneers ■: 
 Of Europe^s peace in future year* Z 
 For now the cannon's flash and roa?- 
 No more proclaim that hiiman gore 
 Is being shed, for now that sound 
 Diffuses mirth and joy around. 
 Some Royal visits made, perehanGe- 
 From Russia, Saxony, or France, 
 Of Peace, the Great Napoleon's seei^i^ 
 Embracing Britain's lovely Queen, 
 Perchance some aged Marshal, who^ 
 Of yore had faced our hero %> ! 
 One mess suffices, now they dine 
 Together, quaffing generous wine. 
 This generous intercourse descends,. 
 And millions once as foes are friends !: 
 While commerce opens wide her gates,. 
 And wealth upon industry waits, 
 Glasgow 1 fair sov'reign of the west T 
 Thy gratitude has stood the test ;. 
 'Tis traced in yonder statue, where 
 Merchjints on business bent repair ;. 
 To him they deem such honours due 
 Who fought for peace at Waterloo., 
 Yon charger stands as there he stood,. 
 But then his hoofs were bath'd in blood ;: 
 His head erect, his nostrils wide. 
 His eye-balls glaring, flush'd with pride^ 
 His ears erect, show that the sound 
 Of battle rages still around ; 
 But view the Duke's calm placid face,. 
 Undaunted firmness there we trace ; 
 This was the feature held him to 
 The ground he kept at Waterloo, 
 And to conclude, we hope he may 
 till keep his ground for many a dajv. 
 
See arts and sciences progress. 
 While poverty grows less and less ; 
 None more in peaceful arts delights 
 Than him who fought an hundred fights. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Air — * Rest thee, hahe-^ 
 
 come with me darling, 
 Tho' dismals the night. 
 Thine eye is love's heacon 
 
 To guide to delight ; 
 
 That sigh, as his herald. 
 
 Proclaims he is near ; 
 
 That blush his gay banner 
 
 His subjects to cheer ! 
 
 As his slave 
 
 Let me crave 
 Homage to pay : 
 On thy breast 
 Let me rest. 
 
 Owning his sway I 
 
 Oh come with me sweetest, 
 
 Where sweets may be sipp'd ; 
 Where soul join'd to soul 
 
 In love's fountain is dipp'd. 
 Then tarry not longer, 
 
 Love's messenger waits ; 
 And caution's cold sentinel 
 Sleeps at the gates. 
 Then haste thee, dear. 
 
 Taste, my dear, 
 Love's mighty sway ; 
 
 Ere transports 
 So thrilling 
 
 Fade and decay- 
 
ODE 
 Composed on the Morning of Burns' Festival 
 
 Awake, my muse ! what shall I say 
 The morn of this soul stirring day, 
 When thousands thus due homage pay, 
 
 Each in their turns ; 
 The hero, sage ; the lx)Yely, gav ; 
 
 To Poet Burns? 
 
 Haite I To the bonnie banks repair, 
 For still they bloom * sae fresh and fair : ' 
 The liard that sang ' sae fu' o' care' 
 
 Nae mair returns ; 
 But gallant sons and daughters ihare 
 
 The name of Burni. 
 
 Posthumous fame crown but that name) 
 Repentant Scotia bears the blame ; 
 Too late she feels the generous flame ! 
 
 'Tis thus she mourns 
 Neglect of him who sung her fame, 
 
 The Poet Burns. 
 
 The Castle. C Montgomery's lord 
 Presides at yonder festive board ; 
 His wide domains those streams afford* 
 
 In wimpling turns, 
 Where * Highland Mary * lived adored 
 
 By Robert Burns. 
 
 Does thy bright spirit — space career ! 
 
 Shade of the Poet— linger here, 
 
 O'er scenes thou once did hold so dear- 
 See I Scotia spurns 
 
 Ingratitude, and sheds a tear 
 Still o'er her Burns* 
 
To these— can pageantry at State, 
 Can purchased honours of the great, 
 Or e'en the luckiest pets of fate 
 
 "With costly urns, 
 Compare with these !— -these paid of Iztt 
 
 To Rohert Burns ? 
 
 No ! In the immortal book of fame 
 Conspicuous stands that humble name, 
 A nation's voice now stamps the same^ 
 This wreath adorns : — 
 
 ScOtLA^ PROCLAIMING L0U!D HER SHAMB^ 
 
 Thus owns her Burns. 
 
 A TOAST. 
 
 Heroes success to the New-Yeo'*^ 
 
 Good bye to the Old ; 
 Hot and piping let's drink it> 
 
 To keep out the cold. 
 May such hearty companions. 
 
 Such hearty good cheer, 
 Welcome in each succeeding-— 
 
 Each happy New- Year. 
 
 Gentle or simple reader, now 
 I make my exit and my bow ; 
 And if you choose to call * encore y* 
 I'll swell my next with what's in stoi^^ 
 
 ^HE EN©-. 
 
EXPLANATORY NOTES. 
 
 I. * Oh, Light Bobs, can I e'er forget ?' — On purchas- 
 ing my discharge, I left a copy of this piece in the or- 
 derly room, by order of the commanding officer. 
 
 '2. 'As late from Erin's land I came.' — On returning 
 home, the steamer passed the spot where the accident 
 occurred which I have endeavoured to describe in the 
 • Narrative.' 
 
 4. * I come from the wars.' 45. • Gentlemen, come 
 along.' 6. * Oh, many a bouse.* — These three pieces 
 were introduced into the play of Guy Mannering, as 
 acted in the Asylum, 
 
 7. * Mr Preses and -Gentlemen.' — Spoken at a dinner 
 after the Foundation-stone of the new Asylum was laid. 
 
 8. ' To every one perusing this.' — The Asylum had 
 been by some of the inmates, -facetiously termed the 
 Monastery of La Trappe : hence the origin of the 
 title ^iven to our periodical, ' The Chronicles of the 
 Monastery.^ 
 
 9. 'Some say life's a shadow.' — A convivial song- 
 
 10. * Arrived at our Gates.' — This relates to a Gen- 
 tleman who was brought to the Institution dressed in 
 the Highland Garb. 
 
 II. 'Ye Patients listen to my lay.' — "Was sung at one 
 of the first Merry JNIeetings in the Asylum, at which I 
 was present. 
 
 12. ' Fare-thee-welU Eighteen Himdred Thirty and 
 Nine.' — This was the time when Her Majesty's marri- 
 age was the topic, and to which some allusion is made 
 in this piece. 
 
 13. 'Prince Albert's cam frae Germany,' 14, *Come 
 Join and make the Gall'ries ring.'— These two songs 
 were brought forward at a little merry making in con- 
 sequence <rf the Q;Ueen's marriage. 
 
 15. ' Hail, NeptuneJ now flourish thy trident on high.' 
 — This is a sort of fanciful rhapsody occ-asioned by the 
 birth of the Heir-apparent. 
 
 16. 'Breathe softly old Boreas.' 1.7. 'I saw her in 
 ^endour.' 18, -• The Q,ueetfs arrived. Prince Albert 
 
too.'— These three pieces were prlntefl on small sllx^s 
 of paper, and having some copies with me when I went 
 to see the Q-ueen, and a favourable opportunity offer- 
 ing, as the cortege passed up the narrow street in St 
 Ninians, I dropped copies into the Royal carriage from 
 the window at which I w^as posted. 
 
 19. 'Let one word be the chorus.' — This piece and 
 the Royal Tour were printed on my return. I have 
 thrown off more copies of the latter than any other of 
 my productions. It seems a great favourite among the 
 ladies, being frequently called upon to sing it in their 
 presence at parties. 
 
 20. ' This toast in a bumper.' — A song whi«h may be 
 •introduced on any occaaon when the Lrtadie? are about 
 to be toasted. 
 
 21 . * Good bye, oldTiouse.' — This was composed about 
 the time of our removal to the New Institution, Gart- 
 navel, in which I enumerate some of the comforts ^nd 
 amusements provided for the inmates. 
 
 22. ' Thrice welcome are those strangers.' — This and 
 the two following pieces, 23 and 24, were brought for- 
 ward at a supper party after the play of Rob R/oy had 
 been performed. 
 
 25. ' Pray, listen to me gentlemen.' — Dr tl. and some 
 others had been invited by Professor Nichol to see the 
 Observatory. This song was prepared for the occasion. 
 
 26. ' This is the house constructed by Jack.' — Being 
 rather short of type, this house was built for the pur- 
 pose of stereotyping, and after a good deal of lahour, 
 succeeded. The house itself was considered a great 
 curiosity ; but, on leaving Gartnavel, it began to fall 
 into decay ; and the last time I was there on a visit, 
 not a vestige of it remained, a road having been made 
 through the site on whicfh it stood. 
 
 27. * Pause, stranger, nor profane this humble turf.' 
 — These verses were written with a view to cause the 
 Ladies aUne to place a stone over the grave of that 
 * fair heroine of the foaming surf.' 
 
 28. ' Oh, waft me to yon simny isle.' — This song is 
 intended to describe scenes such as may be witnessed in 
 the Mediterranean. 
 
 29. ' Of all the various gay costumes.'— ^n copying 
 the portrait of a Maltese lady in walking costume, I 
 composed this little song descriptive of * the graceful 
 dark faldette,' which is a piece of rich black silk grace- 
 fully thrown over the head by Maltese ladies ^n going 
 to promenade. 
 
'30. * The rncst eloquent speecii of my Triefnd Mr C." 
 — This was spoken at a theatrical supper, at which the 
 corps dramatique were all present. 
 
 SI. * The Wellingtons hung on the ch8mber wall.' — 
 It is a fact that my father came home from a ride in 
 the country, inveighing against a new boot that pinched 
 his toe. On taking it off at night, the cause was dis- 
 covered in the shape af a tea spoon, which had been 
 probably dropped into it by ray youngest sister, then z 
 mere child. 
 
 32. » To the Reader' of the following letter:— 
 
 33. * Celestial Prince, what think ye noo?— This 
 epistle to his celestial majesty was thought a pratty 
 fair attempt at the satirical at the time, and a good 
 many copies were printed for distribution about the 
 house, as also to visitors^ directors, &c. 
 
 34. * My first is so graceful.' — This enigma on * Grace 
 Darling's Grave' was written on hearing that Her 
 Majesty had given £20 towards erecting a monument 
 to^ her memory. This was perfectly in accordance 
 with my call upon the fair sex alone to place o'er her 
 grave a stone, in the lines written on her death. 
 
 35. ' All ye who enter here, beware f — Being often 
 annoyed at some of the inexperienced 'brotherhood* 
 handling my pages and knocking them into * pie,' these 
 lines were posted up for a warning. 
 
 3€. * Full many a spade in the blue clay's laid.' — 
 Having taken some eharge during the digging of a well 
 by the patients, this song was first sung by me when 
 nearly forty feet under ground, to cheer them on at 
 the work. 
 
 37. 'Mr Preses, Directors, Gentlemen, all."* — At all 
 convivial parties in the Asylum, the healths of the 
 young Medical Gentlemen and the Staff of the Institu- 
 tion was the toast assigned to me, and which I gene- 
 rally prefaced with some observations in rhyme. 
 
 38. ' Now here we've met at the Sei'vants' Spree.' — 
 A supper and ball to the Servants winds up the enter- 
 tainments consequent upon the New Year, and having 
 been kindly invited by Dr Hutcheson to be present at 
 this, and others at the season, though residing in town, 
 and knowing that something '' new ' would be expected 
 from me to suit the occasion, I produced and sung 
 this j'eu d ' esprit. 
 
 39. ' A Maid importuned for a kiss by her Lover.' — I 
 may as well leuve this riddle unsolved for the present ; 
 hvA shall be happy to explain it personally, or by letter, 
 
^ouldTiny of the Mr se^xlionour-me wifh a requisilioit 
 ^o that effect. 
 
 40. 'Before proceeding further."* — This song was 
 ^composed to introduce Dr Eutcheson's health on Hog- 
 '^nonay riiglit. 
 
 41. ♦ To find otit my j'l/^, of two articlesrchoose.'' — 
 The solution of this enigma will he found at the bottom 
 of the page, where it is inserted. It was made at the 
 ^ime that Messrs C. Tennant '& Co.'s monster stalk 
 <lum) was newly finished, and when a flag was flying on 
 the, top of it. 
 
 42. ' Fame, let thy trumpet thro' the isles resound.' 
 — This address to His Majesty, the King of Saxony, was 
 composed ^by order,' so soon as it^as rumoured thstt 
 K^artnavel woiild be honoured by a royal visit, and was 
 printed in gold upon blue satin, ha%'ing'been previously 
 embroidered and fringed by the Ladies; but, in conse- 
 quence of His Majesty leaving Glasgow without mak- 
 ing his appea-rance at Gartnavel, I was deprived of the 
 lionour of presenting ttie Address, which may still be 
 seen at the InStitxftion. 
 
 43. ' See the brave old warrior stand.' — These lines 
 were suggested to me on looking at the beautiful plate 
 of the Coronation, now exhibiting in Mr Finlay's Pic- 
 ture Gallery, Buchanan Street. The latter part of this 
 piece has also some allusion to the elegant Equestrian 
 .Statue of His Grace recently erected by the Princely 
 Merchants of Glasgow in front of the Royal Exehtmge. 
 
 44. ' Oil, come with me, darling.' — These two verses 
 were thrown together merely to fill up the page. 
 
 45. * Awake my Muse, what shall I say ?' — This was 
 written on the morning df Burns^ festival, at which I 
 liad intended to bre present ; "but an unforseen event oc- 
 curred to prevent me from paying my humble tribute 
 of respect to the memory of the Bard of Kyle. 
 
 46 and 47. This Toast, and the four lines addressed 
 to fhjd Header will for the prBsent make an end. 
 
.%' 
 
Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
 Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
 Treatment Date: March 2009 
 
 PreservationTechnologies 
 
 A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 
 
 111 Thomson Park Drive 
 Cranberry Township, PA 16066 
 (724)779-2111 
 
 >. ifiH.^* <SSS ..fcKa^ -^V 
 
 rf=a '^^jair 
 

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 014 153 169 4 4 
 
 ■.mmwmmim 
 
 «JSM**E^S«i