^^/ \ LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 225 886 in RUSSIAN BALL. * fa^l c CARIZTOH- PUBLISHED- N'Y- MDCCCLXUI. -<&[ Vr *$uwiv&& THE RUSSIAN BALL. SHj /V y-^ rn) C^VVVtC. THE RUSSIAN BALL OR THE ADVENTURES OF MISS CLEMENTINA SHODDY, A HUMOROUS DESCRIPTION IN YERSE, BY A NEW YORK EDITOR. w NEW YORK, Carletorij Publisher , 413 Broadway, M DCCC LXIII, &2 Ye ARGUMENT. Ye fair Clementina asketh her " parient " to go to ye ball 9 Ye fair Clementina maketh her preparations therefor. . 10 How ye Academy appeared, and how ye inevitable Brown made himself useful as well as ornamental. . .12 Ye ladies' dresses. . . . . . . 14 How ye father Shoddy mistook a Policeman for a Russian. ......... 16 Ye fair Clementina danceth with ye Russians and thinketh not of ye Polish Women 18 Washington ye Good and Peter ye Great. . . .18 Ye Supper and ye hungry Shoddyites. . . .20 Ye four thousand Shoddyites eat a Supper for tzvo. . 22 * YE ARGUMENT. Ye Male Shoddyite regaleth himself but leaveth ye Female to Starve. - Ye paternal Shoddy showeth his delight a ter's supping with ye Russian Admiral. (Ye ball is over.) . Ye Morning after ye Ball. What ye Ball cost. . " Good advice " to ye Shoddyites. What ye poet saw at ye Ball. . Moral Reflections. . his daugh- 22 24 2 5 2 5 26 26 28 32 POEM. THE RUSSIAN BALL. " Oh, Pa, of course I must go to the ball ; " MacFlimseys are going, and so are all " The Flutters, the Flunkeys, and more whom we know, " So, dearest papa, to the Ball I must go. 7 ' So spake Clementine, and her father replied, With laudable feelings of natural pride, " Go you shall, go you shall, dearest daughter, fori 10 THE RUSSIAN BALL. " Can afford the expense, for my goose hangeth high; 44 I'm making a million by contracts, and so u Of course, Clementine, to the ball you shall go." So fair Clementine to Tiffany rushes, And breasting the crowd that surges and crushes, She hires her diamonds, and pays ten per cent For the value of that which only is lent. She buyeth her flowers at fabulous prices, And dreams all the night but of dances and ices. New dresses are ordered of costliest pattern THE RUSSIAN BALL. 11 (For sweet Clementine, though in private a slattern, Determines in public at least to be splendid). The night comes at last and her troubles are ended. All Shoddydom flutters with great expectation ; tfhe night of the ball to the guests of the nation. The bosoms of thousand fair Shoddyites pant With triumph : They're going, while thousands more can't. " Come, come, Clementine, the hack's at the door." She cometh. " You ne'er looked so charming before. " Oh, kiss me, my daughter." She bends her sweet body 12 THE RUSSIAN BALL. And taketh the fatherly blessing of Shoddy. The carriage soon carries her crinolined self Bedecked and bejewelled, regardless of pelf, To the opera door. And she enters within — She starts, well she may, with surprise at the scene. « All's changed like a vision ; there 're carpets and cloths, And gaslight in plenty, so tempting to moths, And pictures by dozens, and flags by the score ; Of splendor there's much, and of shoddy much more. On reaching the boxes, that "man of the town," THE RUSSIAN BALL. 13 Th' inevitable, heavy, wonderful Brown, As gross and as gay and as graceful as ever, Dispenses the programme with manner most clever. Oh ! scene of enchantment ! Oh ! had I the pen Of Jenkins, great Jenkins, the Jenkins! what then ? I'd fail to describe even then all the splendor — Shoddy male most triumphant, Shoddy female most tender. The ladies ! Oh, would I could rave of their tresses, But space has its limits, so now for their dresses, 2 14 THE RUSSIAN BALL. Ladies in satin and ladies in silk, Garments the" color of blood or of milk, Ladies in pink and ladies in green, Ladies in blue and ladies in sheen, Ladies in velvet and ladies in lace, Ladies (like canvass) with paint on their face, Ladies with opera-cloaks, ladies without them, Ladies with garlands and gardens about them, Ladies with diamonds in wondrous profusion, Ladies in general delight and confusion. Meanwhile the Shoddyites masculine fumbled, Awkward as ever, continually stumbled, Not few of them frowned, and most of them grumbled. They crowded, they pushed, they squeezed, and they tore, THE RUSSIAN BALL. 15 They trod upon corns, alas ! even swore, For seldom they'd been in a ball-room before. But U. S. A. Shoddy, fair Clementine's father, Was not of this set, he was radiant, rather ! His wife and his daughter were there, and he knew it, He'd paid for their tickets, and never would rue it. No, no ! till the last of his days he'd re- call With transport the fact that he'd been to the ball. His daughter was dancing of course with some Russian ; Delightful, oh ! wasn't it ? Really 'twas " gush- 16 THE RUSSIAN BALL. He turned in a tumult of feeling, and sees An officer striving to pass, " if you please " — He's surely a Russian, and Shoddy bows low. Oh ! what would you give, Father Shoddy, to know How much you're mistaken *? No Russian is he, But merely one of the police, do you see ? For really though shocking 'tis true that the crowd, Though mighty, is " mixed " — do not speak it aloud, But button your pockets — there 're thieves not a few, THE RUSSIAN BALL. *7 And Cyprians many, believe me, 'tis true. But look at the dancers, if " dancers " they call Th' unfortunate few who are whirled at a ball, ! Now hither, now thither, mere mass and mere matter, 'Midst little of music, and good deal of clatter ! Alas for the Russians, they're small, far too small, To live through the crush of a Shoddyite ball. They're little, too little, we fear us, to last, For crinolined partners though lovely are vast. 2* l8 THE RUSSIAN BALL. Miss Clementine dances with Russians by dozens, And flirts with them freely, as though they were cousins; But what of the women of Poland whose shrieks Would blanch, if she heard them, her heart and her cheeks *? Aye, what of these women, whom th' Russians destroy, Because they are Poles, and are women, with joy. She heeds not, but whirleth and waltzeth away, With a genuine Rus., and her bosom is gay. But see ! with a stern and majestical glance, THE RUSSIAN BALL. 19 Stands Washington — what thinketh lie of the dance *? See ! Shoddy has placed him 'midst graceful Dianas, Lotos-eaters, and Muscovite portraits and ban- ners. Oh ! what thinketh he of the strange union there — Th' American Eagle and Muscovite Bear ? Oh ! what does he think of the flags of the free Being joined with the emblems of tyranny ? Oh ! what does he think of his own honest name Thus linked with the Peter, not great — save in. shame % 20 THE RUSSIAN BALL. Oh ! what are his thoughts ? Let's to dances and drinks, For what careth Shoddy what Washington thinks *? But now comes the hour most cherished by all, Who dance, and are danced, at the Shoddyite Ball. An hour of pure and poetic delight, An hour more precious than all of the night, A season when nature asserteth its power O'er satin and shoddy — the great supper hour ! The signal is given, O fate ! how they crush ! O muse ! how they battle ! good God ! how they rush ! THE RUSSIAN BALL. 21 As though their existence, their fortunes, and all, Were staked on the time when they reached Irving Hall. The banquet is ready ; the elegant room Is covered with flags and is filled with perfume ; But what careth Shoddy for flags or for flowers ? Let others love beauty — the supper is ours. And truly the banquet is beauty ; the care Of famous Delmonico passeth compare. Bright crystals, bouquets, and choice fruits are displayed, The tables with glory and gout are arrayed, Confections are plenty ; and two mighty Czars, Alexander and Abe, await the huzzas Of all who behold them in sugar together. 22 THE RUSSIAN BALL. (Remember the proverb of u birds of a feather.") The viands and wines, oh you ne'er would forget them, Delicious they are, if — you only could get them — But few can accomplish this desirable feat; So the many look on while the happy few eat. Four thousand can't feed on a supper — for two. So, poor Clementina, oh, what will you do ? Your partners have left you, the delicate elves, They're gallantly busy in — helping them- selves. -For strange to behold, no attention is paid By man unto woman, or matron or maid. THE RUSSIAN BALL. 23 Poor Crinoline's left in the midst of the floor, While men eat their full, then eat something more. I'm told in the midst of the terrible jam Some fair female lips muttered audibly "damn." And some "fragile creatures" waxed wild in their wrath And tore rival skirts in their furious path. But effort was vain. The weaker sex found That men are but beasts when " feeding time's" round. And what can be hoped from creatures of Shoddy Whose heart's in their purse, whose soul is all body. Besides, just consider, unreasonable sinner, 'Tis seldom a Shoddyite's eaten a dinner 24 THE RUSSIAN BALL. Or supper. He cannot be reasonably thought To be able to act as a gentleman ought. And so, Clementina, excuse your rough brothers, And share the same hunger that's. suffered by others. Your father is eating and drinking for three — So share in his joy — for most joyful is he. He thinks that his child's with the Admiral's sup- ping. His u habit " is " full," so he taketh to "cupping." In fact I'm afraid Mr. U. S. A. S. Will soon be much more than mere shoddy or less. THE RUSSIAN BALL. 2 5 At last, though, the supper where most cannot sup Is over and ended and eaten all up — And sweet Clementina and "darling papa," He happy, she hungry, make search for u mamma," And together the trio depart one and all From the scene of the blunder that's known as The Ball. \ Next day Shoddy mere remaineth in bed, And Shoddy fere hath an ache in his head, And Clementine rises all haggard and cross, Beginning to think that her gain was all loss. 3 26 THE RUSSIAN BALL. " Oh, papa," she crieth, " Oh, were they not stupid," By "they" she means Russians — though each was a Cupid Scarce twelve hours since— but twelve hours makes all The difference alike in a battle or ball. And Shoddy fiere murmurs, "Th' expense has been steep, But contracts can stand it," and goeth to sleep. -The night of the ball was a night that was lost To honor and profit — And think of its cost. Thousands of dollars in gay decoration THE RUSSIAN BALL. 27 Incurred on account of th' guests of the nation. (Shudder, O thinker, while reading these lines.) Thousands in candies and thousands in wines, Thousands in flowers and trimming of tresses, Hundreds of thousands in diamonds and dresses, Thousands in laces and follies and collars, Footing in all to a million of dollars. Thousands of widows had lived in good cheer On less than this sum for more than a year. And thousands of wretched-eyed faces were bright For many a month with this waste of a night. 28 THE RUSSIAN BALL. Oh, Shoddy, if truly you loved your dear land You'd open your heart, if you could, and your hand. And give of your gold to their children and wives Who, while you are dancing, are risking their lives. Dressing and flirting with Muscovite lover Will never the Constitvtion recover. Balls a. la Russe by the million or more Will never " the glorious Union " restore. - The eyes of a poet are sharp, oh my brothers, THE RUSSIAN BALL. 29 And mark many things which escape many- others. Had many but seen what I saw at the ball They'd left in disgust and returned not at all. I saw our American girls in the clasp Of Russians, who danced with them gaily. Whose grasp Encircled their waist, while their hearts swelled with pride, Their feet were fleet fairies — But lo, at their side, I saw (in my dream) countless women who cried To Russians for pity and Poland in vain — The Russians were stone and their dear ones were slain. 3 30 THE RUSSIAN BALL. No quarter, no mercy, no justice was given; But Russians on earth drove the Poles unto Heaven. — I saw at the ball Shoddy sensual and dull, Exclaiming : " Ha ! ha ! I have eaten my full." But there at his feet (in my true waking dream) Was rolling a swollen and dark southern stream, And near it a soldier, who lay by its brink, All bleeding and dying and praying for drink. He'd fought for the flag, in a skirmish he fell, Unknown, and alone he was dying — Ah, well, While Shoddy was raising the wine to his mouth THE RUSSIAN BALL. 31 The soldier of the North breathed his last in the South — — I saw at the ball a bold woman whose face Was soulless and shoddy-like, senseless and base, And yet she wore diamonds and richest of lace ; But there (in my dream) I beheld a sweet girl, The tip of whose finger, the wave of whose curl, Was worth, oh a thousand such women as these — And yet this sweet girl was in danger to freeze While stitching in garret so close to the stars And thinking of him who had gone to the wars. 32 THE RUSSIAN BALL. 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