PS 3503 PRICE THIKTY-FIVE CENTS .fl35 P7 S' 1922 copvi PROMOTING ROMEO BY HELEN BAQQ THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Successful Rural Plays A Strong List From Which to Select Your Next Play FARM FOLKS. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur j-EWis TuBBS. For five male and six female characters. Time of playing, two hours and a half. One simple exterior, two easy interior scenes. Costumes, modern. Flora Goodwin, a farmer's daughter, is engaged to Philip Burleigh, a young New Yorker. Philip's mother wants him to marry a society woman, and by falsehoods makes Flora believe Philip does not love her. Dave Weston, who wants Flora himself, helps the deception by intercepting a letter from Philip to Flora. She agrees to marry Dave, but on the eve of their marriage Dave confesses, Philip learns the truth, and he and Flora are reunited. It is a simple plot, but full of speeches and situations that sway an audience alternately to tears and to laughter. HOME TIES. A Rural Play in Four Acts, by Arthur Lewis Tubbs. Characters, four male, five female. Plays two hours and a half. Scene, a simple interior — same for all four acts. Costumes, modern. One of the strongest plays Mr. Tubbs has written. Martin Winn's wife left him when his daughter Ruth was a baby. Harold Vincent, the nephew and adopted son of the man who has wronged Martin, makes love to Ruth Winn. She is also loved by Len Everett, a prosperous young farmer. When Martin discovers who Harold is, he orders him to leave Ruth. Harold, who does not love sincerely, yields. Ruth dis- covers she loves Len, but thinks she has lost him also. Then he comes back, and Ruth finds her happiness. THE OLD NEW HAMPSHIRE HOME. A New England Drama in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For seven males and four females. Time, two hours and a half. Costumes, modern. A play with a strong heart interest and pathos, yet rich in humor. Easy to act and very effective. A rural drama of the "Old Homstead" and "Way Down East" type. Two ex- terior scenes, one interior, all easy to set. Full of strong sit- uations and delightfully humorous passages. The kind of a play everybody understands and likes. THE OLD DAIRY HOMESTEAD. A Rural Comedy in Three Acts, by Frank Dumont. For five males and four females. Time, two hours. Rural costumes. Scenes rural ex- terior and interior. An adventurer obtains a large sum of money from a farm house through the intimidation of the farmer's niece, whose husband he claims to be. Her escapes from the wiles of the villain and his female accomplice are both starting and novel. A WHITE MOUNTAIN BOY. A Strong Melodrama in Five Acts, by Charles Townsend. For seven m.ales and four females, and three supers. Time, two hours and twenty minutes. One exterior, three interiors. Costumes easy. The hero, a country lad, twice saves the life of a banker's daughter, which results in their betrothal. A scoundrelly clerk has the banker in his power, but the White Mountain boy finds a way to check- mate his schemes, saves the banker, and wins the girl. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Promoting Romeo A Farce in Three Acts By HELEN BAGG Author of ** The Fascinating Fanny Brown, "" *' Why Not Jim ?" " Whiskers, " " That Blonde Person, ' ' etc. PHILADELPHIA THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY 1922 CoPYRKHT 1932 BY The Penn Fublishing Company Promsting Reme* cm (53254 0^?- -, /n. ^*i 23 Promoting Romeo CAST OF CHARACTERS John Fenwick A well-to-do business man Ellen Fenwick His wife Robert Fenwick Their son Elsie Evans. , , .A niece and ward of Mr. Fenwick' s Dorothy Stevens A young widow Ben Craig Engaged to Elsie May Craig His young sister Romeo Badger The Fenwicks' colored chauffeur Mrs. Amarilla Badger His mother Rosalie Jones His sweetheart, a manicurist Selma A Swedish maid A Policeman. SYNOPSIS Act I. — Drawing-room of the Fenwick house. Morn- ing. Act II. — Same setting. The following night. Act III. — Same setting. Next morning. Time: — The present. Place: — Any large city. Time of Playing : — ^Two hours and a half. PROPERTIES For Mrs. Fenwick: A number of letters, one con- taining a number of bills (twenty dollars alto- gether). For Mr. Fenwick: Newspaper, breakfast tray. Elsie Evans: Golf bag (not necessary), tiny powder puff, engagement ring. Rosalie : Jaunty little apron, bag, hat, jacket or coat, manicure articles, ordinary envelope. Robert: A newspaper, lead pencil, small change, kitchen apron, breakfast tray with dishes. Romeo: Small change. Mr. Badger: Bag, telegram, parasol. May: A huge feather fan. SCENE PLOT STORY OF THE PLAY Robert Fenwick, son of a well-to-do business man, is hopelessly in love with Dorothy Stevens, a fasci- nating young widow. His father objects to the marriage because Robert has never shown that he could really earn a living. But Mr. Fenwick says that he will consent to the match if the boy proves that he can make good. After many extenuating circumstances, ludicrous mishaps and misunder- standings, Robert shows that he has the right stuff in him and wins Dorothy for a wife. Promoting Romeo ACT I SCENE. — The drawing-room of the Fenwick house; large and comfortably furnished. Three doors; at R. leading to corridor, at l. leading to den or smoking room, at c. leading to stairs going up to the second floor. It would he best to have por- tieres at c. if possible instead of a door, thus giv- ing a glimpse of a hallway. A small couch at r., down stage, a table at entrance r., and a 'phone stand at l. of c. Chairs, not too many, and a small desk at l. down stage, with mirror on it, (As the curtain rises, Mrs. Fenwick, a pleasant, mid- dle-aged zvoman, dressed in a morning house dress, is seated at the desk opening a rather large mail. Robert, a good-looking young chap of about twenty-four or five, enters at c. He fidgets about for a few moments before interrupting her, then crosses r.) Robert. Say, Mother Mrs. F. Well, dear? Robert {looking cautiously around), Where's Dad? Mrs. F. Finishing his breakfast. You're very late. Robert. I know. Overslept. Mrs. F. You do that rather often. Your father doesn't Hke it. Robert. I don't see why people are so darned cranky about when other people eat their meals. I'm sure I don't care when he eats his ham and eggs. Mrs. F. {severely). Well, / care! When there's only 7 FROMOTING ROMEO one servant and she has to cook for a family of three and a chauffeur, it makes a great deal of difference when the}^ eat their ham and eggs. I don't wish Selma to leave. Robert. Shucks! What if she does? She can't cook, anyhow. Mrs. F. Perhaps not; but she can wash dishes and scrub the kitchen floor, which is quite as im- portant. {Pause.) Robert. Say, Mother, did you sound Dad about the job? Mrs. F. Yes, but I'm afraid he doesn't want to give it to you. Robert. Why not? Mrs. F. He doesn't think youVe had enough experi- ence to handle it. Robert {bitterly). Where does he think a fellow's going to get experience? In kindergarten? Mrs. F. He says you lack initiative. Robert. Initiative ! Mrs. F. I know, dear; I think, myself, he's a little hard on you. He thinks so much of his business and he expects so much of any young man who goes into it. Robert. I think it wouldn't hurt him to think a little of his only son. Business! What's business compared to your family ? Mrs. F. Well, successful men like your father seem to think it's a good deal. You shouldn't have stirred him up right now about it. Here he's off for New York day after to-morrow, and sailing for London in a few days. Robert. That's why I did it. I thought it would be so nice to get my start when he wasn't there to keep an eye on me. Mrs. F. {shaking some hills out of a letter). And it really seems to me as if I had all I could handle Avith this Pageant that you and Dorothy Stevens wished on me. 8 PROMOTING ROMEO Robert {sympathetically). Poor Mother! How are the tickets selHng? Mrs. F. Pretty well. Aren't some people reckless with their money? Here's a woman who sends me twenty dollars by mail ! Robert. It's certainly dandy of you to help us out. Mrs. F. Oh, I don't mind, dear, only it's a little try- ing to be treasurer, property woman, publicity person, and then to have to pose as the Goddess of Liberty! Robert. You're a darling. Mother. I wish you'd picked a father for me with as nice a disposition as you've got. Mrs. F. Don't be disrespectful. {Enter Mr. Fen wick at c, newspaper in hand; a large, rather pompous man, very much irritated just now by a late and hurried breakfast.) Fenwick. If I could get my breakfast on time I might stand some show of getting to my office before my stenographer goes out to lunch! As it is Mrs. F. {hurriedly to Robert). Go and see if Ro- meo's outside with the car. Fenwick {tossing aside his paper). You needn't. Romeo's the only person in this household who has any idea of time. If I could inculcate my son with the principles of punctuality and obedi- ence that I find in my chauffeur, I would be quite satisfied. Robert {sulkily — from the couch) . No, you wouldn't. If I was punctual and obedient, you'd be howling for me to have initiative. I can't have everything. Mrs. F. Bob, dear ! Fenwick {calming a little). I didn't ask you to have initiative. I asked you to go into my office as a clerk and work your way up. You insisted upon being made a salesman. I said you lacked in- itiative. Robert. How can you tell till you've tried me ? FROMOTINQ ROMEO Fenwick {importantly). It's my business to be a judge of men. You have been perfectly satisfied to drift along Mrs. F. Now, Father, that's not fair! Robert. I'm thinking of your side of it. It seems to me an awful waste of money to send a son through Harvard and then stick him down in a ten-dollar-a-week job addressing envelopes. Of course it's your money. Fenwick. Have you ever thought seriously about a business career? Robert. Yes, I have. Fve always wanted to be a promoter, but as long as you've got a business started I thought I might as well go on with it. Fenwick. A promoter ! Great Jehoshaphat ! Mrs. F. John! Fenwick {turning on her severely). The only reason he wants that position, and you know it, is because he's taken it into his head that he wants to marry that widow. Robert {rising). Well, have you any fault to find with Mrs. Stevens? Fenwick. None whatever, if you can afford to marry her. A young widow, with money, doesn't take a husband for the privilege of supporting him. She probably expects him to pay at least half the household expenses. Robert. Sure she does. Fifty-fifty. I could if you'd give me that job. {Enter Selma at r. Selma is a stolid looking Swede who gives one the impression that she has weighed the family and found it distinctly wanting.) Selma. Miss Evans. {Exit at c.) Mrs. F. Now, what do you suppose Elsie Evans wants at this hour? Fenwick. Money. I'm going to get out. As for 10 PROMOTING ROMEO you, young man, I'll be fair with you. Show me one scrap of business sense, of initiative — pro- mote something, anything, show me results of any kind, and Til consider your proposition. Un- til then {He stops as Elsie Evans enters at R. Elsie is very pretty, very dainty, and ex- tremely gushing. She is about twenty-two or three and has been badly spoiled by everybody. She takes herself so seriously that she is really quite amusing to outsiders, though her relatives find her rather trying. She is beautiftdly dressed in the latest thing in sports wear — might carry her golf bag. She looks a little taken back at her uncle's tone. He continues.) Good-morning, Elsie, did you want to see me ? Elsie. Why, yes, I did — but it'll wait, Uncle John, it'll wait nicely until you have more time. Fenwick. That's good. I'm an hour late, now. {Exit at R.) Elsie {coming down). He's cross this morning, isn't he? Robert. Rotten. Been picking on me. Mrs. F. Robert ! Sit down, dear. Elsie {sits on couch). I mustn't stay, I've such a lot to do. When does Uncle leave? Mrs. F. Day after to-morrow — at noon. Was it something about your allowance? If you've over- drawn, I can help you out. Robert. Gosh, she never says that to me! Elsie. Oh, no, it's not my allowance. I've been quite economical this month. Of course, Uncle John advanced me quite a lot extra for my trousseau. Isn't it fortunate for me that Papa left Uncle John full powers over my money? He always makes things come out even. Mrs. F. Well, if there's nothing special, I'll leave you, children. I'm expecting my manicure in a few minutes and I'm afraid Selma's got my room rather torn up. II PROMOTING ROMEO (Rises, leaves the desk open and the hills exposed.) Elsie. Oh, certainly, darling! Do you still have that good-looking colored girl? Mrs. F. Rosalie? Yes, she's so handy. She's quite turned poor Romeo's head, I'm afraid. Elsie. Afraid ? Mrs. F. {at c). Yes. She's rather light-headed and Romeo is a good, steady, hard-working fellow. Elsie. Aunt Ellen, you are so adorable to take such a personal interest in the people who work for you! Mrs. F. Why not? I assure you I expect them to take a personal interest in me. {Exit at c.) Robert {calling after her). I say, Mother, don't for- get that Dorothy is coming over to-day to look at the rooms ! Mrs. F. {appearing in doorway). To look at the rooms ? Robert. Yes. Size 'em up and see if they'll do to rehearse the Pageant in to-morrow night. Dress rehearsal, you know. Mrs. F. {tragically) . That's all I needed to make my day complete! {Exit at c.) Robert {coming down to Elsie; sits beside her). Mother's an awfully good sport. Elsie. Isn't she ? I wish Uncle John was. Robert. Why ? What have you been up to ? Elsie {with dignity). I haven't been up to anything, but I've taken a step that's going to make Uncle John froth at the mouth. Robert. Humph ! Elsie. I've broken my engagement to Ben. Robert. What ! Elsie. Yesterday — at the Country Club. Robert. But you can't. Why, the wedding'i? set for 12 PR03I0TING ROMEO next Tuesday. The cards are out and you've got all the presents ! Elsie. I know. It will be awkward. Robert. Awkward? It'll be impossible. People don't do those things. Elsie. Uncle John will be furious. His heart is set on my marrying Ben. j Robert {brutally). I don't think Dad cares such a lot about your marrying Ben. It's the idea of your marrying somebody. So that he can turn over his guardianship to somebody else; some- body who can't kick. Elsie {plaintively). I don't think you're very nice, Bob. Robert {frankly). I know I'm not, but I'm telling the truth. You've been an awful responsibility to Dad, Elsie. Hang it, I can see his good points even if he is my father ! Elsie {aggrieved). I don't know what you mean by that. I've always tried to do my duty by every- body, but I seem to be so unlucky. Everybody's always against me. Robert. Well, I didn't mean to be nasty. Elsie {brightening). And / mustn't talk that way, either. Since I've been studying psychoanalysis, I've learned that Robert. Hang psychoanalysis! What's Ben done? Elsie. Not a thing in the world. Robert. Then why the deuce Elsie. We're not suited to each other. Since IVe been studying psychoanalysis I've learned so many things ! It's lucky I've found it out. Uncle would have hated a divorce worse than a broken engagement, don't you think? Robert. Now look here, Elsie Elsie {firmly). I don't want to discuss it. You couldn't understand. Ben does and he's been dear about it. He agrees with me that two peo- ple unsuited for each other had better play with dynamite than get married. Robert. Humph ! i3> PROMOTING BOMEO Elsie. We're going on with our parts in the Pageant just the same, so you needn't worry about that, but I wanted to ask Uncle John what to do about the wedding presents. Robert. Well, you'd better not ask him to-day. In the frame of mind he's in he'd probably tell you to send them back. Elsie. Well, I didn't think it was a very wise time to speak so I just kept still. Robert. I wish I had your sense. That's the time I always speak. Elsie {dreamily). It's queer, but so many things about Ben that irritated me, and I didn't know why, are quite clear to me since I've been study- ing Robert. See here, Elsie, maybe there are things about you that irritated Ben, but he didn't think he had to break the engagement a week before the wedding. I think you're making a fool of yourself. Elsie. I'm only doing it after due reflection Robert. That's the way most people do it. What did your mother say? Elsie. Oh, Mother's so old-fashioned — so antedi- luvian ! She's gone to bed with a nervous chill. Robert. Well, she's not the only member of the family that's going to have a nervous chill. You just wait till the newspapers get hold of it. Elsie {touching up her nose with a tiny puff), I'm not afraid of the newspapers. {Enter Selma at R.) Selma. De finger-nail girl bane here. Robert {rising). All right. Send her in and I'll tell Mother. {Exit Selma.) Elsie {rising). I'll be going. I'll see Uncle to-night. Robert. Have you got your costume ready for to- morrow night? It's a dress rehearsal, Elsie. Oh, mine's very simple; just a cloak, you 14 PROMOTING Bomm know. I'm to be " Monna Vanna " and all she wears is a cloak. That's another thing Mother's wild about. Robert {alarmed). Hang it all, Elsie, you've got to have something on underneath the coat! Elsie. Monna Vanna didn't. That's the whole plot of the play. Robert {severely). Never you mind what the plot says, you put on a bathing suit or something! Suppose the coat slips? Elsie. I don't think I could feel Hke Monna Vanna in a bathing suit. I'm so temperamental that I have to feel my parts. (Enter Rosalie at R.) Good-morning, Rosalie. Rosalie. Mornin', Miss Elsie. Elsie. Bye-bye, Bob. Robert {stiffly). Good-bye. {Exit Elsie at i. Rosalie is a good-looking mulatto girl, very well dressed and rather self-sufficient.) I'll tell Mother you're here. Rosalie. Yessir. (Exit Robert at c. Rosalie moves about leisurely, taking off her hat and jacket and putting on a jaunty little apron which she takes from her bag. She goes to the desk to look at herself in the little mirror, and her eyes fall on the bills which Mrs. Fen WICK left there. She picks them up and han- dles them lovingly. Mrs. Fenwick's voice is heard calling from upstairs.) Voice. Rosalie ! Rosalie {dropping the bills on the floor). Yas'm? Voice. I'm coming down. Get the table ready there. Rosalie. Yas'm. {She stoops and picks up the money, is about to re- place it on the desk, hesitates, eyes it covetously and with a sudden motion tucks it down the back of a chair, and throws her hat and coat on the chair. She goes to the 'phone table, brings it PROMOTING ROMEO down stage, puts 'phone on floor and arranges her manicure articles on it. She also goes off at c. and returns with bowl of water. Mrs. Fen- wick enters.) Mrs. F. Well, Rosalie, how are you this morning? Rosalie. Fine and dandy, Mis' Fenwick. {She watches Mrs. Fenwick who starts toward the desk, then apparently changes her mind and sits at the little table. Rosalie sits opposite her and begins the manicuring process.) Ain' 'at a new white cook you got? Mrs. F. Selma? Yes, she's been with us about a month, I beheve. Rosalie. She give me such er funny turn when I seen her. Mrs. F. Yes? Why? Rosalie (glibly). Yassam. She look jus' lak a woman Mis' Cooper had workin' fo' her 'bout a year ago ; dat time she lose them pearls. Mrs. F. (carelessly). Yes? Rosalie. Yassam. Dat woman she was Swede, too. I can't jes' ricollec' her name. Don't seem lak it was Selma, but she do favor her a lot. Mrs. F. (yawning). Possibly. Rosalie. Mis' Cooper nevah did git her pearls back, did she? Mrs. F: I think not. (Robert slouches in and stands irresolutely in the doorway as though he hardly knew what to do with himself. There is a sound of an auto horn outside.) Robert, see if that is Romeo back with the car. I want him to take me down to the bank before luncheon. (Exit Robert at r.) Rosalie. Guess you all Hkes Romeo pretty well, don't you. Mis* Fenwick? Mrs. F. Yes, he's a good chauffeur. Rosalie. Seems funny dat such a mean ole woman as Mis' Amarilla Badger got a good boy lak Romeo fo' a son. i6 PROMOTING B03IE0 {Enter Robert.) Robert. It wasn't Romeo. {He sits down with the newspaper and reads.) Mrs. F. What's the matter with Romeo's mother, RosaUe ? Rosalie {with energy). She's jus' mean. Jus' nach- erlly mean. She got lots of money, dat ole woman has; she's one of de riches' colored folks in dis state. Mrs. F. How did she get it ? Rosalie. Keepin' a grocery sto' in 'at little town whah she lives at. You kin git av/ful rich in some of them little towns, Mis' Fenwick. Mrs. F. So I've heard. Rosalie. An' she won't give Romeo one cent to git mah'ied an' have a business fo' himse'f . Mrs. F. {amused). Does Romeo want to get mar- ried? Rosalie. Well, 'at's what he says. Romeo's been pesterin' me to git mah'ied wif him fo' a month. Mrs. F. Don't you like him? Rosalie. My Ian' yes, cose I do. Mis' Fenwick, but I ain' goin' ma'y nobody's house boy. I don' have to. Mrs. F. Romeo's a chauffeur, not a house boy. Rosalie. Don' he wash yo' w^inders an' cut yo' grass ? Mrs. F. Yes, occasionally. Rosalie {triumphantly). Well, 'at's all right if he wants to, but I got a independent business of my own and I'm goin' make money. I don' ma'y wif no servants. I don' have to. Mrs. F. What business do you want him to go into? Rosalie {promptly). Wan' him to buy a deUcatessum sto', Mis' Fenwick. I know one he kin git fo' five hundred dollars. Over whah I lives. All de colored folks trades there an' de man wants to sell it cheap. Robert {looking up). If it's such a good thing why does he want to sell it cheap ? PRQ3I0TING ROMEO Rosalie {quickly). 'Cause he's leavin' town, Mister Robert. If Mis' Badger would lend Romeo dat money, he could run de delicatessum sto* in front an' me a colored beauty shop in de back. Mrs. F. It sounds very exciting. What does Romeo say? Rosalie {scornfully). He jus' that afraid of his Ma that he won' ask her! I tole him he needn' come honeyin' aroun' me till he quits washin' white folks' winders, no ma'am ! {Enter Selma.) Selma. Mrs. Stevens. {Exit at R.) Mrs. F. Goodness, Robert, take her into the other room ! We'll be through here in a minute. Robert {going out at r.). Oh, Dorothy won't mind. She has manicures, herself. Rosalie. I'm mos* thoo. Mis' Fenwick, if you don' want no facial. Mrs. F. {hesitating). I need it badly enough, but Selma's taken my room to pieces Rosalie {picking up her tools). I could give it to you in your bathroom if your room is tore up. Mrs. F. {rising). All right. Go up-stairs and I'll be with you in half a minute. Rosalie. Yassam. (Mrs. Fenwick exits at r. Rosalie looks about her, picks up her coat and hat and the money and goes out at c. Selma enters r. and takes the table back to its place and exits at c, carrying bowl of zvater. Mrs. Fenwick enters with Robert and Dorothy as Selma goes out. Dorothy is a sweet-looking young woman, a year or two older perhaps than Robert, with rather a motherly air.) Mrs. F. If you don't mind, I'll run up-staIrs and be beautified and you children can plan your re- hearsal. i8 PROMOTING ROMEO Dorothy. It's awfully good of you, Mrs. Fenwick, to take such an interest in our Pageant. Mrs. F. {taking her hands and looking into her eyes). My dear, IVe been taking an interest in things for Robert's sake for nearly thirty years. I'm afraid I've got the habit. {Exit at c.) Dorothy {with a little sigh). I love your mother, Robert. {Then, as though shaking off a mood.) Well, let's get busy. This room will do nicely for the stage. Robert. That's what I thought. We can use that door to enter — they can come down the stairs. Dorothy. Lovely! That couch, with a fur rug thrown over it will do for the Monna Vanna tableau. Robert. Look here, Dorothy, Elsie swears she's go- ing to play it in a coat. Dorothy. Well, that's the regulation stunt for Monna Vanna, isn't it? Robert. But she's going to play it in a coat — and nothing else! Dorothy {laughing). Oh, no, she isn't. I'm bossing this show. Robert. You don't know what an obstinate little devil Elsie is. She's broken her engagement to Ben. Dorothy. Bob ! Robert. Fact. She told me so in this room half an hour ago. Dorothy. She can't. Ben won't let her. Robert. Ben's a worm — a meek, crawling, spineless worm! If he hadn't been, he'd have broken it himself a year ago. Dorothy. They've been engaged long enough, good- ness knows, to know their own minds. Robert. Mind? She hasn't any. She has tempera- ment. Dorothy. It's an atrocious thing to do. 19 PROMOTING ROMEO Robert {gloomily). It's going to make Dad harder than ever to live with. Dorothy. Has he been very trying lately ? Robert. Rotten. Dorothy. The job? {He nods.) I'm sorry. I wanted you to have it. Robert. Did you — honest? You mean you cared whether I got it or not ? Dorothy. Why, of course. Robert. You know why I wanted it, Dorothy? Dorothy. Why, because you wanted to get on in the world, naturally. Robert. I wanted it because I wanted to be able to ask you to marry me without feeling like a fool. (She is sitting on the couch and he stands beside her.) Dorothy. Why should asking me to marry you make you feel like a fool, Bobby? Robert {frankly). Because I'm broke, that's why — and you've got money. I shan't ask you until I have something to offer you. Dorothy. No matter how I feel about it, I suppose? Robert. You haven't anything to do with this — it's my funeral. Dorothy. I suppose I may make a suggestion? As long as you admit a certain interest in me? Robert. I don't mind a suggestion. Dorothy. Why don't you try to show him that you can handle the job? Robert. You're as bad as he is. He wants me to show some initiative — to promote something. So he can tell whether I'm human or just the family fool. Dorothy. Why don't you? Robert. Well, what? Dorothy. Oh — anything that takes a clever person to set it right. Make Elsie behave Robert {bitterly). That doesn't need a clever person — it needs a genius. Dorothy {thoitghtfidly) . I think we all make our 20 PB03I0TING ROMEO mistakes trying to do big things. Some little near at hand thing that seems quite hopeless demands just as much initiative and brains as some bigger thing. Robert {fascinated). It sounds all right when you say it, Dorothy, but I doubt if Dad Dorothy. Oh, he will. I believe that in the bottom of his heart he really wants you to have that job, Robert. Well, he certainly doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. Say, Dorothy, if he does give it to me, will you Dorothy. Will I Robert. Give me the other job I want? Dorothy. I'll consider it favorably, Bobby. Robert {starting toward her). You're a darhng! Dorothy {rising). I must run on. I've a luncheon engagement. It's understood that we have a full rehearsal here to-morrow night? Robert. Yes. And you'll see about Elsie ? Dorothy. I will. {She runs off. He follows her. Enter Romeo at l. He is a good-looking colored boy in chauffeur's livery. He looks around rather sheepishly, goes to c. and listens, evidently to see if Rosalie is about. Robert enters and sees him.) Robert {dreamily). Some little near at hand thing that seems quite hopeless ! {Sees Romeo ; an idea dawns. ) Gosh ! Say, Romeo, don't go away. Mother wants you to drive her down to the bank. RoMEO. Yassir. Robert. She's up-stairs having her face washed by — what's her name? That girl of yours? Romeo {grinning). Guess you mus' mean Rosalie. Robert. I do. {He sits and takes up paper to read but keeps his eye on Romeo, who lingers.) Romeo. She ain' no gal of mine, Mister Bob. She 21 PROMOTING JR0ME9 won' have no mo' to do wif me cause I washes de winders. Robert. Humph ! Romeo {gloomily). Seems lak a woman always wantin' a man to be doin' somethin' diif'rent. Robert. Ain't it the truth ? Romeo. Somethin' ha'd. Robert. Never satisfied with you as you are, eh? Romeo. Tha's so. Always a-pushin' an' a-urgin* a man into somethin' he's better off outside of. Robert. Yep, that's what. Romeo. Rosalie, she say : '' Go git yo' Ma give yo' fi' hund'ed doUahs to buy 'at delicatessum sto' an' I marries you." She don' know my Ma. Nos- suh! Robert. Humph ! RoMEO. Anybody who kin git my Ma to put fi' hund'ed dollahs into a sto' ain' goin' be a chauf- feur, he gwine be a p'omoto', dat's whut. Robert. Well, why not? Romeo. Huh ? Robert. Why not be a promoter? Romeo (in alarm). Who? Me? Robert (rising). Sure. It isn't just the big things that show what we're made of, Romeo, it's some little near at hand thing Romeo. Gittin' money outen Mis' Amarilla Badger ain' no little near at hand thing. Mister Bob. Nossuh ! Robert. Don't be so pessimistic, Romeo, or you'll never get on in the world. Psychoanalysis teaches us that the world is ours for the asking. Romeo. Dat man didn' know Mis' Amarilla Badger, Mister Bob. Askin' ain' gwine have no effec' on her. Robert. What's the matter with her? Romeo. Nothin' ain't de mattah wif her. She's a fine ole lady. But she ain't lettin' none of her money git away fum her widout a struggle — and she powerful strong. Robert. But her only son 22 PROMOTING ROMEO Romeo. On'y son getter work fo' livin' same's any- body else. Didn' I ask her fo' money to go to dat music school Robert. That's different. This is a business oppor- tunity. Romeo. An' if she ever hear 'bout me wantin' to marry a yaller gal she'd pison me. She hates 'em. Robert. It would be a loan, you know. You could repay her. RoMEo. Yassir, I could, if de business pay, but mebbe it don't. Robert. That's no way to go into a thing. " Maybe it won't." Romeo. Well, I ain' goin' into it. Only thing my Ma'd ever give me money for would be if I was sick or daid an' I ain' gwine be either. Robert. Have you asked her? Romeo. No, sah, an' I ain' goin' to. Robert. Where does she live? Romeo. Down in httle town called '' Pitfield." 'Bout eighty mile from here. Robert. Well, it's too bad you can't have a light case of appendicitis and wire her that you need the money for the operation. Everybody borrows money to go into business, you know. Think it over. Romeo. Yassir, dat's so, sir. (Rosalie's voice is heard singing as she comes down-stairs. Robert exits R. Romeo lingers, fascinated. She enters, her hat and coat on, ready to go.) Mawnin', Rosalie. Rosalie. Mawnin', Romeo, how's yo'se'f ? Ain' it a gran' day? Romeo. Ain' so gran' 'cordin' to my way of thinkin'. Rosalie. You's awful pessermistic, seems to me. Specially fo' a young man dat's engaged to a nice gal Hke me. {She comes closer to him.) Romeo. Who says you an' me's engage? 23 PROMOTING HOMED Rosalie. I do. Jes' as soon as you gits 'at money from yo' Ma, Romeo, we's goin' be mah'ied, an' live in 'at nice little delicatessum sto'. RoMEO. Humph! Why dat man wan' sell, Rosalie, if he's makin' so much money? Rosalie. 'Cause he's gotter sell. He's goin' away, RoMEO. Why? Rosalie. I ain' ask him, honey, but it looks to me lak he been caught, mebbe, doin' somethin' he didn't ought to and had to git out. Romeo. If he's makin' money I don' reckon he'd have to git out. It don' seem likely. Rosalie. Come now, honey, does you want to ma'y me or doesn't you? 'Cause if you doesn't they's plenty whut does, an' they don' have to git money from they mas to do it, neither. Romeo (^putting his arm around her). Cose I does. Ain' I tell you you's the pretties' gal in this town — black or white? Rosalie. Tellin' me them things don't make no hit with me, Romeo, cose I knows them myse'f . You tell me you done ast your Ma for that money and ain' goin' be a no-'count house boy no more, an' mebbe I'll pay some attention. Romeo (meditatingly). Askin' ain't goin' git me nothin'. Mister Bob says 'at I might git appen- dicitis an' mebbe she sen' it to me, but I don't keer for dat. White doctors is too handy wif de knife. Rosalie (clapping her hands excitedly). Lawd, ain' dat white boy got brains? Cose you gotter have appendicitis, honey, or mebbe Romeo. Nossuh. Not me. Rosalie. You kin have gall stones. Dey cuts for dem, don' dey? Romeo. Nossuh, I ain' goin* have nuthin' they cuts fo'. I'd ruther live single. Rosalie. Ain' you the doggondest fool, Romeo! You ain' really goin' have 'em. Romeo. Huh? Den why can't I have de chicken pox? 24 PROMOTING ROMEO Rosalie. We're goin' make yo' Ma think youVc got- tem. Gimme a pencil. {She takes an envelope from her hag.) Romeo {digging out a pencil). What fur? Rosalie. Telegram. ( Writes. ) Romeo {scared). Now, look-a-here, honey, I don' — ^ Rosalie {kissing him). You jes' leave it to Rosalie. Ain' dat boy got brains ! Romeo. He's got de kin' of brains 'at lands folks in de pen, I'm tellin' you. Rosalie {reads). "Am under ether but will live. Send $500 at once. Romeo." Romeo {scandalized) . My Ian', I ain' goin' sen' no sich talk as 'at to dat ole lady. She gwine bust me sho'. Rosalie {severely). I'm goin' send dat on my way home. If you wants to come along and see mc do it, you kin. {She flounces out at r.) Romeo (helplessly). But {He hurries after her. Selma enters, duster in hand, and sees them go. She shakes her head pessi- mistically. ) Selma. Aye don't lak dis place. Dey bane home too mooch. Aye lak place vere peoples goes out. Where girl gets some time to herself. {She picks up the newspaper and finds the " ads.") I dank I look for annoder place ! {Enter Mrs. Fenwick, dressed for the street.) Mrs. F. Selma, tell Romeo I want the car. Selma. He bane gone out after the finger-nail girl. Mrs. F. Humph ! Then find Mister Robert and tell him he must drive me down-town. {She goes to desk to close it. Selma goes out at c. Mrs. Fenwick misses the money.) Gone! That's a nice state of affairs ! A thief in the house ! Who can it be ! CURTAIN 25 ACT II (Same scene. The following evening. Dorothy and Robert are arranging the stage for the re- hearsal; at least Dorothy is — Robert is busily engaged in looking at himself in the mirror. He is costumed as "Hamlet." Dorothy, being the coach, is not in costume.) Dorothy. Bob, if you would stop looking at yourself in the glass, and give me your attention, I might get something ready before the rest of the cast are dressed. Robert (hastily). Of course. Dorothy. I think this couch — pulled out a bit — ^will do nicely for " Monna Vanna." Robert (pulling it out). Have you seen Dorothy. No, I haven't seen Elsie. Tve been too busy. What did your father say about her break- ing the engagement? Robert. I don't think I ought to repeat it. He hasn't spoken to her since. He's going to cut down her allowance and I guess it'll take some psycho- analysis to get over that. Dorothy. She deserves it. Such a nasty way to treat Ben. Robert. Then we've had a lot of other troubles since yesterday. Somebody swiped twenty dollars out of Mother's desk. Money some idiot sent through the mail for tickets. Dorothy. Oh, Bob, how horrid ! Robert. It happened during the morning, and Selma left unexpectedly in the afternoon, so it looks as if she was the guilty party. Dorothy. Oh, do you think so? She seemed so nice. I don't want to think her a thief. z6 I PROMOTING ROMEO Robert. Well, I felt that way yesterday, too, but since I had to wash the dinner dishes last night and get breakfast this morning, I don't seem to mind thinking it so much. Dorothy. What will your father do ? Robert. Nothing. Pay the money and let it go. It's the easiest way out. Dorothy. But if she's a thief, you're turning her loose to steal somebody else's money. Robert. I know. Rosalie told Mother something yesterday about Selma's looking like the Swedish girl that Mrs. Cooper had when her pearls were stolen. But you can't hound a poor Swede for twenty dollars. Dorothy. No, but you could call Mrs. Cooper up and ask her — ■ — Robert. She's in California. {Enter Elsie at r. Elsie is dressed in a long black cloak, or cape, which completely hides her figure. Her neck and arms are bare, and she wears flesh- colored stockings and black slippers. As far as the casual observer can see, she is quite correctly garbed for the part of " Monna Vanna.") Elsie. Well, what is the matter? I rang and rang and then found the door unlocked. Hasn't Selma turned up yet ? Robert. No, and I guess I'll tack a card on the door — Walk In ! I can't be answering the bell all the time. {Exit at r.) Elsie. How nice he looks ! He makes a real sweet Hamlet, doesn't he? Anybody here? Dorothy. Yes, several. They're up-stairs dressing. If you'll lend Bob a hand with the stage, I'll run up and help Mrs. Fenwick with her costume. Elsie. Yes, indeed. Ben brought me and then went 27 PROMOTING ROMEO back for his sister. That child never is ready to go anywhere. I pity her husband if she gets one. {She goes to the mirror and peeps at herself. Doro- thy refers to a list which she has in her hand,) Dorothy. Let me see — you are Monna Vanna, Ben is Prinzivalle, May is Pocahontas, Robert is Ham- let, Mrs. Fen wick is the Goddess of Liberty Elsie. Seems a httle scattered, historically, doesn't it? Dorothy {nettled). No, it doesn't. Tableaux aren't supposed to be connected. What have you got on under that cloak? Elsie {innocently). Me? Why {Enter Robert.) Robert. Nov/, let 'em come. Say, Dorothy, aren't you going up to help Mother? Dorothy. Right now. {Runs off c. ) Elsie. Isn't she cranky about her old tableaux? {She drapes herself picturesquely on the couch.) Is Uncle John still furious? Robert. Is he ! Well, you'd better keep out of his way if you value your — allowance ! Elsie {damied). Bob! Robert {maliciously) . He takes off ten dollars when- ever your name is mentioned. He's dining at the club to-night. Elsie. I wish they'd poison him! He's the most hard-hearted man in this town — no breadth of ideas, no sympathy, no Bob, is my nose too white, do you think? Robert. I don't know anything about noses. I want to know, in the interests of the audience, what you've got {Enter Romeo, c, waving a telegram frantically.) 28 FBOMOTINQ BOMEO Romeo. Mister Bob, Mister Bob, look-a-hyak at whut's happen' ! Elsie (min^). Good gracious ! Robert. What's the matter with you? Don't you know where you are? RoMEO. Yassir, I know all right an' I ain' goin' be dere long. She's comin'. Robert. Who's coming? What are you talking about, anyhow? RoMEO {wildly). Talkin' 'bout? Whut I'm talkin' 'bout! I'm talkin' 'bout Mis' Amarilla Badger. Tha's who I'm talkin' 'bout. Elsie. He's mad ! Don't let him come near me ! {She retreats hack of the couch.) RoMEO {desperately). Mad? No, ma'am, I ain' mad — I'm plumb scared thoo to ma gizzard. Hyah I done sen' dat telegram lak Mister Bob tole me Robert. What? / told you? Nothing of the kind. I suggested RoMEO. Wal, lak whut you suggested me to; me an' Rosalie done sen' it Robert. Look here, Romeo, let's get this straight. This is serious. RoMEO. Hit's mighty serious fer me, suh. Elsie. Oh, Bob, what have you been doing? Robert. Nothing! Romeo and his girl have been throwing fits because they couldn't get mar- ried RoMEo. No, sah, dat ain' It. I could git ma'ied all right. It was Rosalie what couldn't. Elsie. But Robert. She wouldn't marry him unless he had money enough to go into business for himself and Elsie. What a mercenary little wretch she must be! Romeo. No, ma'am, she ain' mercerinary, she jes' 29 PBOMOTINQ BOMEO Robert. Keep still! I suggested that it was a pity he couldn't have a nice case of appendicitis and send to his mother for the money. Elsie. Robert, how wicked of you ! Robert. Well, he's her only child and she's got scads of money. Why shouldn't she help him out ? Of course I didn't suppose the idiot would go and do it without consulting me about it. Romeo. Rosalie, she done the consultin*. She say sen' 'at wire now. Elsie {to Robert). But what business was it of yours, Bob Fenwick? The idea of dashing into other people's love affairs like that ! The nerve ! Robert {sheepishly). Well, I had to do something. Dad said he'd give me a job if I'd show a Httle initiative. RoMEO {injured). Ain' no reason why you got to pick out me to show it on. Robert. And Dorothy suggested that I try to pro- mote something. {Bitterly.) Some little near at hand thing that seemed hopeless ! Romeo. Wal, I reckin you done po'moted me into de cooler ! She say she's comin' here direc*. Robert {horrified). Here? To this house? Romeo. Dat wHut she say. Robert. What did you two fools wire her? Romeo. Dat I was havin' a operation. Robert. Well, she can't come here. We've got a houseful of people here and if Dad heard of it he'd murder me. Elsie. He mustn't hear. If we can keep it from him till noon to-morrow Romeo. Yassam. Dat's it. I do' want to git fired. Jobs is too ha'd to git nowadays. Robert {wildly). Shut up, both of you, while I think! Elsie. Yes, Romeo, come away and let him think. Romeo {apprehensively) . Reckin he's goin' p'omote me into some mo' trouble. Elsie {soothingly). No, he won't. Just be pa- tient 30 PROMOTING ROMEO Robert. That's it. Hooray! Patient — that's the idea! Both. Well ? Robert. You've got to be a patient when the old lady comes. You've got to have that operation. Romeo. What ? Robert {slowly and patiently). You must have that operation for appendicitis. That'll settle the whole thing. Her mother's heart will Romeo. I ain' thinkin' 'bout no mother's heart. I'm thinkin' 'bout my 'pendix. I done had dat 'pen- dix twenty-fi' years. It's always treated me white an' I ain' goin* have it tore out of me to please nobody. Elsie. But, Romeo, it's a very simple operation. Really it is. Lots of society people go and have it done just because they want a little vacation. RoMEO. No, ma'am. I do' want no vacation. I likes to work. Robert. But it's such an easy way out of the whole thing. Mother comes — where's Romeo? At the County Hospital having a little operation. Every- thing going splendidly. Mother overjoyed. Comes across with the money without a groan. Romeo. Yassir. An' who gits de money? Robert. Why, you. Hold on — I suppose the doc- tors have to get some of it. RoMEO. Don't you fool yourself. Mister Bob. Doc- tor's goin' git all of it. Where I comes in? No money, no job, no 'pendix, no deHcatessum sto', an' no gal. Reckon you'd better quit thinkin', Mister Bob, befo' you strains yo' haid muscles. Elsie. That's right. Bob, it wouldn't help us any- how. Uncle John would find out and give us fits. Let me think. RoMEO {apprehensively) , I reckon it's time for me to go to de club for Mr. Fenwick. If she come Robert (wi/c?/y). She mustn't come ! Elsie. Hold on — Romeo, you've got to disappear — that's the ide«. Like the man in tkc op«ra. 31 PROMOTING ROMEO Romeo {suspiciously) . Dis'pear? Whar to? Elsie {airily). Anywhere that isn't here. Robert. That's the idea! He can disappear Elsie. And then when Uncle's been gone a couple of days you can wander back and say you've had — what's the name of that thing, Bob, that makes people wander off sort of crazy like? RoMEO {gloomily). Moonshine? Elsie. No, stupid, it begins with " a." Robert. Aphasia! That's the stuff. You were un- der the influence of that when you sent the tele- gram ! Romeo. Dat soun's better than appendicitis. Dey don' cut for aspasia, does they? Robert. Of course not, idiot. Now, if we can only keep Mrs. Amarilla Badger away from Dad Romeo. Hoi' on. Mister Bob! How's I goin' dis- appear widout no money? Robert. Humph ! How much you got ? Romeo. Jes' fifty cents. I done buy me some new clothes yestiddy an' dey done clean me out good. Robert. Humph ! I've got two-fifty. Romeo. Wal, I cain' disappear for no week on th'ee dollars, nossuh ! Elsie. Couldn't you practice a little economy, Romeo ? Romeo {decidedly). No, ma'am. I ain' no bum to go sleepin' in a flop. I'se a genelman an' ma tastes is genelman's tastes. Elsie {pulling a ring from her finger). Look here, Romeo, you take this and pawn it. We'll get it back when the trouble is over. Robert {slightly shocked). It's your engagement ring! Elsie. What if it is? My engagement's broken — what's the good of a ring? Robert. But you'll have to give it back to Ben. He may want it for another girl. Elsie {indignantly). If Ben Craig is fickle enough to fall in love with another girl after all the time he's been engaged to me 32 PROMOTING Romm Voice. Robert ! Elsie. It's Aunt Ellen. Hurry off before she comes, Romeo, and don't you dare come back till Uncle's gone. {She pushes Romeo out at r. just as Mrs. Fenwick enters hurriedly at c. She is costumed as the Goddess of Liberty and has considerable difficulty walking in her draperies, which strongly resemble sheets.) Mrs. F. Robert, your father has 'phoned for the car. Where is Romeo ? Robert. Gosh, how stunning you look. Mother ! Mrs. F. (irritably). I do not. I look like an idiot escaped from a Turkish bath. Where is Romeo? Robert. He — why, he's gone. Mrs. F. Gone where ? Elsie. Why, he — he's disappeared! Mrs. F. Disappeared where? Your uncle is on the wire and he wants the car. Elsie. Why, you see. Aunt Ellen, Robert's been looking for him everywhere, but he's just sort of melted away. Bob says he's been acting very oddly lately. Mrs. F. I hadn't noticed it. Well, I'll have to tell John. He's very much irritated. Elsie. Irritated ? Oh, my goodness ! Mrs. F. (at c). Dorothy wants someone to help her move the victrola in here. She's going to use it for the rehearsal. Robert. I'll go in a minute. Mrs. F. (lingering). Robert, you don't think it was something about that money that made Romeo Robert. No, I don't. Mrs. F. Well, it's very strange (Exit at c, bewildered.) Robert (to Elsie). I'll be back in a minute. 33 PB03I0TING ROMEO Elsie {clutching him). Suppose that awful woman comes ? Robert. Tell her anything to get rid of her till to- morrow. Elsie. It won't do to scare her. She'd go to the police. {Voices at r.) Oh, it's Ben and May! Robert. Elsie, mind that Dorothy doesn't hear about this. Elsie. Why ? Robert {savagely). I'm not going to be made to look like a fool in the eyes of the woman I'm going to marry, that's why ! {Exit at c. Enter Ben and May. Ben is evidently in costume hut his overcoat and hat cover him up pretty well. May, who is seventeen and pert, wears an evening cloak and galoshes.) Ben {staring after Robert in astonishment). I say, what's the matter with Bob ? Elsie. Oh, he's just excited over the rehearsal and the fact that their chauffeur has disappeared. May, you'd better go up and take your things off. {Eyeing her closely.) I thought you were sup- posed to be Pocahontas? May. I changed my mind. I'm going to be Cleo- patra. It's lots more fun. Elsie. That's just like a flapper. Always wants the vampy parts. May. You run your part in this show, Elsie Evans, and I'll run mine. At least I don't break engage- ments a week before the wedding. Ben. Come, children, cut it out. You're not related yet so you don't have to quarrel. What's the matter with the servants in this house anyhow? May {to Elsie). What in the world have you got on Elsie {angrily). Now, look here, if one more person asks me what I've got on, Fm going to show them ! So there ! May. Oh, very well ! 34 PROMOTING ROMEO {Exit at C.) Elsie. It's perfectly absurd for that infant to be playing Cleopatra! Cleopatra with bobbed hair! Ben. As a matter of fact, Cleo did wear her hair bobbed, according to the Pyramids Elsie {tragically). Ben, please don't argue with me. I'm so nervous to-night I hardly know what I'm doing. Uncle's been reducing my allowance by ten-dollar steps ever since I told him we'd broken our engagement. Ben. We ! Elsie. You agreed with me it was best. Ben {airily). Well, you said you wanted to break it and I think a girl ought to have her own way about a little thing like that, Elsie {taken hack). Little thing! Why, Ben. Ben. Yes. You decided I wasn't the man to make you happy, so why marry me? That's reason- able. Only don't say I did it. Elsie. You — you didn't feel that way about it yes- terday. Ben {jauntily). I hadn't got used to my freedom. I'm getting used to it. I don't mind it at all. How d'you hke my costume? {He takes off coat. Instead of the armor of Prinzi- valle, he is costumed in a leather jerkin, green tights, and a green hat with a feather which he takes carefully from his coat pocket.) Elsie {horrified). What in the world Ben. Nifty, don't you think? Elsie {severely). Nifty? It's awful. You don't look any more like Monna Vanna's lover than — than a wooden Indian. Ben. Huh? Elsie. You wouldn't read the book so I told you distinctly that your costume was to be mediaeval Italian, 35 PROMOTING ROMEO Ben. This is mediaeval. It's Robin Hood. I couldn't remember the other guy's name. Elsie {tearfully). You're ruining my tableau — and I was going to make such a hit with it — how could you be so hateful Ben. Oh, I say Elsie. Robin Hood! Why didn't you dress up as George Washington while you were about it? Ben. I say, Elsie, please don't — I'll stand behind the table or drape myself back of a curtain Elsie. You could kneel behind the couch. The less they see of you the better they'll like you. Ben {meekly). All right. {He goes behind the couch.) Elsie. Now, try getting on your knees back of the couch and I'll sit on this side {She does.) There, not much of you shows. Now, lean this way {He does and she jumps hack.) Oh, you've been smoking again and you promised you wouldn't ! Ben. Well, I didn't think you'd care now, so I took a whiff or two. Elsie. I shall always take an interest in your health whether I marry you or not. Ben {drily). Thank you, my dear. Oh, I say, Where's your ring? Elsie {confused). Why, why, I Ben. You had it on when you left home. I saw it. Elsie. I — I must have laid it down here somewhere. Yes, I'm sure I did. (Ben gets up and looks about.) Ben. I don't see it. Elsie. Why Ben. Has that Swede come back? Elsie. No. Now, Ben Ben. And now the chauffeur's disappeared! When did you notice that ring last ? Elsie. Oh, about half an hour ago! 36 PROMOTING ROMEO Ben. And when {Enter Mrs. Amarilla Badger. She is a very portly colored lady, dressed in vivid colors and in the very latest style, which, being designed for flap- pers, looks even more oddly on Mrs. Badger than on a white person her size and age.) Elsie. Oh! . , , -, Mrs. B. Am dis yere Mis' Fenwick house? Ben {aside). Another tableau? Elsie. Hush ! Why, it— oh, yes, of course, it is. Mrs. B. I rung de bell, an' den I seen dat cyard, so I jes' drop in. Tse Romeo's Ma. Elsie. I knew it. {Desperately to Ben.) Go get Bob — quick ! Ben {bewildered). But Elsie {with a vicious snap). Get Bob! {Exit Ben quickly.) Mrs. B. {stunned at the revelation of Ben's costume). My Gawd! Is dis sho' Mis' Fenwick house? Elsie {rapidly). Oh, yes, this is her house, all right, but she's terribly busy with company and can't possibly see you. I suppose you came to see Romeo ? Mrs. B. {taking telegram from her bag). Yassam, I got dis yere wiah fum Romeo yestiddy an' I come d'reckly an' circumstantially to know how come. Elsie {taking telegram). "Under ether but will live. Send $500 at once." ^, . . „ . Mrs. B. {firmly). I don' sen' no five hund ed doUahs to nobody thout I knows whut's it fo'. If dat boy under ether, how come he to sen' dat wiah to me ? How come , Elsie. Why, the fact is, Mrs. Badger, Romeo hasn t been himself lately. Sort of queer and wander- ing Mrs. B. {shaking her parasol angrily). Huniph I He been goin' after some yaller wench, dat's whut s de matter wif him ! I'll wander him ! 37 PROMOTING ROMEO {She pounds on the floor with the parasol.) l^-Lsm {aside). Oh, where is Bob ! {To her.) Why, you see, Mrs. Badger, he wandered off this morn- ing — nobody knows just where he is — I'm sure it's not a yellow girl {Enter Robert and Ben. The latter stands hack of the couch. Robert darts forward and shakes hands effusively with Mrs. Badger to cover his embarrassment. She looks at his costume in horror. ) Mrs. B. {aside). My Gawd! Robert {rapidly). How do you do, Mrs, Badger, how do you do? Come up to see Romeo, have you? Isn't that splendid? You'll be proud of him when you see him, but he's not at home just now. You see my father's not very well ; nervous, frightfully nervous and all that, and he has Ro- meo drive him around town for hours at a time. That's what he's doing now. Elsie {who has been trying wildly to get his atten- tion). Fool! Ben {to her in a loud whisper). I say, what's it all about ? Mrs. B. Dis young lady say she don' know whah Romeo is Robert. Yes, yes, of course. She don't. Father takes such queer notions that you never know where he's driving. Now, if you'll go out to the garage Elsie. Ahem ! Robert. Excuse me ! (To Elsie.) Well! Elsie {whispering). First place Uncle will look when he comes back ! Robert. I didn't mean the garage, it's rather lonely out there. I meant — Elsie, take her up to Elsie. The girls are dressing up-stairs. The den Robert. Exactly. Ben, take Mrs. Badger into the den 38 PROMOTING BOMEO Ben {to Elsie). Aren't you going to tell her alSouf the money and the ring? Elsie {severely). Take her into the den and don't talk to her. Can't you see the woman's worn out? Mrs. B. {suspiciously), I ain' goin' nowhars tell I hears Elsie {pushing Ben and Mrs. Badger out at l.). Of course not; we'll let you know the minute he shows up. Robert. Why did you tell her he'd wandered off? You said yourself she'd want to go to the pohce. Elsie. Oh, how do I know ? Ben was nearly driving me crazy about my ring. He's got it into his head that Romeo stole it Robert {horrified). Stole it! Elsie. Yes. I couldn't tell him the truth. It takes hours to pound the truth into Ben, but he swal- lows fibs beautifully. Robert. If Father sees that telegram Voice. Bob, come and help me move this victrola! Robert. In a minute, Dorothy! {To Elsie.) We must get rid of her ! We must get rid of her ! Elsie. Oh, we must ! We must ! Voice. Bob ! Robert. Coming. {Exit c.) Elsie. My head is swimming! If ever I try to help Bob Fenwick out of a scrape again ! Oh, I wish it was the days of slavery — wouldn't I sell Mrs. Amarilla Badger down the river ! {Enter Ben.) Ben. Say, that old person's kind of scared of us. She acts awfully queer. What's up, anyhow ? Elsie. Oh, Ben, don't ask questions. If you knew how nervous I was ! Ben. But what's all this stuff about "ether" and 39 PROMOTING ROMEO Elsie. Oh, if you must know, Robert and Romeo have been up to something that Uncle mustn't know, and if Uncle finds that woman here, he will know; and if he finds out that I've helped Robert, I'll be a pauper by the end of the week. Now, are you satisfied? Ben {doggedly). Yes, but it looks to me as if you were letting this Romeo guy get away with the money and your ring. Now Elsie {wildly). Oh, my soul! Ben Craig, if you're not enough to drive any woman raving, tearing mad! Now, before I go all to pieces, will you rehearse this tableau with me? You are back of the couch and I am sitting on it. Ben {taking his place). Sure. But what's the big idea? Elsie. Never mind the idea. The less ideas you have, the better you'll act. Just look at me agree- ably — don't grin! {B'e^ sobers up.) Well, that's better, though I wouldn't call it exactly — oh, well, it'll do. Now put one arm about me — they don't in the play, but Ben {cheerfully complying). Hang the play! Elsie. Don't grin! Now, hold it {Enter Mr. Fen wick excitedly.) Fenwick. This is a fine state of affairs! A fine state of affairs this is ! Here I pay an exorbitant salary to a good-for-nothing chauffeur, and a ruinous allowance to an equally good-for-nothing son, and when I want my car in a hurry I'm told that one of them has wandered off and the other one is rehearsing and I have to walk home from my club after a heavy dinner! I — hullo — what are you two doing? Elsie {faintly). Just — just rehearsing, Uncle John. It's our night to rehearse, you know. Fenwick. Are there more fools coming? Elsie. No, sir, most of them are here. Fenwick. Humph! I beheve you. I'll go into the 40 PROMOTING ROMEO den and lock the door and perhaps I can smoke a cigar in peace. (Takes off his coat and goes up stage with it.) Elsie (desperately to Ben). Get her out of the den, quick ! Show her the way to the garage. Ben. But Elsie. I'll keep him here. Hurry ! (Exit Ben. His idea is to get out while Mr. Fenwick is up stage removing his coat, but with his usual awkwardness, he manages to trip on a rug and goes out with a crash.) Fenwick (turning). What's the matter with that idiot? Elsie. He — he isn't very well. Fenwick. Humph! He looks well enough — it's his brains that seem to be affected. Elsie (persuasively). Uncle John, won't you sit down just a moment and let me ask you some- thing ? Fenwick (gruffly). Well? Elsie. Would you mind telling me my financial status at just this moment? Fenwick. Oh, that's all you have on your mind, is it? Money, as usual. Well, let me tell you, young lady, that your financial status is just ex- actly fifty dollars lower than it was yesterday morning. Is that all? Elsie (stricken hut game). Oh! No — no — that wasn't it. But you'll have to sit down and be patient. (He sits. Mrs. Badger's voice is heard at l. then dies away.) Voice. Nossuh — I ain' goin' nowhars till Fenwick. What's that? Elsie. Nothing. Just somebody rehearsing in the hall. 41 PROMOTING ROMEO Fenwick. In the hall ? Jumping snakes ! ! Haven't we any privacy? Elsie. But I want to tell you something that will please you, Uncle dear. Ben and I have made up. Fenwick {suspiciously). When? Elsie. We were doing it when you came in. I couldn't bear to make you unhappy, Uncle, just when you were going away. Fenwick. I thought the treatment would have some effect. The only way I have found to handle the younger generation is through a strict administra- tion of the budget. Elsie. Uncle ! {Enter May at c. May is dressed in a distinctly modern version of the Serpent of the Nile. She wears an evening gown of some thin, clingy stuff, very short, very scant, very chic. Her hair is bobbed, and she wears slippers with French heels. Also carries a huge feather fan, which she handles in rather a Spanish fashion.) Fenwick. Shades of Adam and Eve, whafs this? May {quite unconcerned). How do I look? Cleo- patra, you know. (Ben enters at l. Elsie crosses to him.) Fenwick {in strong disapproval). It looks to me like anything but the sort of thing a lady should ap- pear in. May. Well, Cleopatra was anything but a lady in my estimation. {She flirts the fan and looks entirely satisfied with herself. ) Elsie {to Ben). I told him we'd made up. It was the only way to keep him here. Did she go? Ben {grimly). She went — with help. Fenwick {to Ben). Well, my boy, I'm glad to hear Elsie has come to her senses. What are you sup- posed to be? WilHam Tell? 42 PROMOTING ROMEO {Enter Robert and Dorothy at c, pushing the vie- trola. ) Robert. Hullo, Dad. Sorry I couldn't drive down for you, but I thought in this costume it wouldn't quite do. Dorothy. Good-evening, Mr. Fenwick. Fenwick (stiffly). Good-evening. Robert, what is this I hear about my chauffeur? Robert. Why, he — he Elsie (decidedly). He disappeared. Fenwick. What ! ! ! Ben. And Elsie's ring has disappeared (He stops suddenly as Elsie steps violently on his foot.) Robert. Why, you see, Dad, nobody knows much about it, but he's been acting queer all day Fenwick. I'll go out to the garage and Elsie. Ahem!! (She nudges Ben.) Ben. No, don't ; stay and see us rehearse. Dorothy. Yes, do, Mr. Fenwick. Elsie (aside, to Robert). She's out there! Mrs. Badger ! Fenwick (to Dorothy). Thanks, but I don't believe I feel equal to it to-night. (Exit, c, disgustedly.) Robert (to Elsie). Did you say she was in the ga- rage? Elsie. Yes, I did. Now we are lost ! Ben. Why not make a clean breast of it to the old man? Both. Don't be an idiot ! (In the meantime, Dorothy and May have been ad- justing the victrola and looking over the records.) Dorothy. Robert, you stay here and run the music while I start them from up-stairs. Nearly every- body's dressed but they have to be grouped. 43 PROMOTING BOMEO Hurry up, all of you. (May runs off at c, fol- lowed by Elsie and Ben.) Of course we can't do everything just right — your mother's to be drawn on a moving platform by four boy scouts, and they've all gone to a dance ; but we'll do what we can. These are the ones you're to play. Robert. All right. (Exit Dorothy. He puts on a record and starts it.) Dorothy (at door). Wait till I call to you. They're not ready yet. (She disappears. He stops the machine.) Robert. Gosh, I'll be glad when this blamed show is over and Dad's on the way to London ! If I can only Hve till then (Enter Rosalie at r.) Rosalie. Hist!! Robert (jumping). My gosh! Rosalie. Mister Robert ! Robert. What do you want ? Rosalie. Want know whar Romeo gone. Robert (desperately). I don't know — nobody knows — we're busy and you've got to get out of here. ril call you in the morning. Rosalie (decidedly). Mawnin' won' do. He done leave a note for me — jes' good-bye, dat's all. Whah's he at, Mister Robert, I wanter know? Robert. I tell you I don't know. He got a wire from his mother saying she was coming to-day and he lit out. Rosalie (in horror). Mis' Amarilla Badger comin' hyah? Robert. Worse'n that. She's here now — out in the garage. Will you go home? Voice. Start the music I Robert. You clear out — it's all your fault Rosalie. Oh, ma Ian', I never did suppose dat ole 44 PROMOTING BOMEO lady come way fum Pitfield jes' because we sen' dat wiah! {She wrings her hands.) Robert {hoarsely). Hurry! {She runs off at r. He rushes at the victrola and winds it furiously. Enter Dorothy, followed by Elsie and Ben.) Dorothy. I said *' start it," not wind it to pieces. (He starts it — putting the needle down so that it gives a dismal wail) What is the matter with you, Bob? Robert. Nerves. Stage fright. Dorothy. Now, group yourselves, quick. {They do so.) Hold it till I see who's to come next. {Exit Dorothy. Enter Rosalie.) Rosalie. Oh, my goodness, Mister Robert, she ain' in de garage; she's settin' on de front steps! Elsie. Merciful heavens ! (Ben stares at her in bewilderment.) Robert {wildly). You've got to get out of here. The den {He stops the music.) Elsie. Your f ather'li go in there ! Ben. Hide her under the table. Robert. Here, duck in here for ten minutes till these people get out. Quick! (Rosalie crawls under the table at R.) Elsie. They'll see her. Here— my cloak (With a triumphant glance at the apprehensive Rob- ert she takes it off and throws it over the table, where it quite conceals Rosalie. Elsie is dressed in a pretty little evening dress, quite modest and charming.) Dorothy {darting in again). What's the matter with that music? 45 PROMOTING ROMEO Robert. I must have stopped it by mistake. ;. {Starts it again.) Dorothy. Come on, Goddess of Liberty ! (Mrs. Fenwick enters solemnly, carrying her torch, at c, and Mr. Fenwick comes in at l.) Fenwick. Great Caesar's ghost! Dorothy. Hush, it's fine. Now, Cleopatra ! {Enter May in a wonderfully snaky Cleopatra-like pose. At the same time Mrs. Badger darts in at R. Sees May first. ) Mrs. B. Lawd in his mussy, save us ! May {angrily). I knew somebody 'd interrupt me! Robert {throming up his hands). It's all up! Fenwick. Is this another picture? Or Mrs. B. {indignantly). Don' you git sassy to me, white man ! I ain't no picture, but I'se a puffec'ly respectable woman an' 'at's mo'n anybody else whut's aroun' hyah, lemme tell yo'. Mrs. F. It's Romeo's mother — I know it is. Per- haps she can tell us where he's gone Mrs. B. No, ma'am, I cain't, but I got my suspicions. Dat boy done put me in de garage, but I ain't stay dere. I (In her growing excitement she clutches the cloak and exposes Rosalie, who stares at everybody in horror. ) Rosalie {crawling out). Oh, Mister Robert, save me ! Dat ole scorpion git me f er sho'. Mrs. F. Rosalie! Rosalie {glibly). Mr. Robert he done hide me in yondah — yes, ma'am. Dorothy. Robert ! Mrs. B. {triumphantly) . I know'd dere was a yaller wench mixed up in hyah somewhere!! TABLEAU 46 ACT III {Same setting. The following morning. As the curtain rises, Mr. Fenwick appears at c, carrying a breakfast tray. Robert enters at l., wearing a kitchen apron and a look of aggrava- tion. He enters just as Mr. Fenwick has set the tray down on a chair and collapsed wearily into another.) Robert. Well ? Fenwick. Well ? Robert. Did Mother eat the eggs? Fenwick {wearily). No. They were too hard. I told you she liked 'em three minutes by the clock. Robert {in irritation). You didn't say which clock, and I never noticed that the kitchen one had stopped. Fenwick. Humph ! Robert. What I want to know is, how much longer have I got to do the cooking for this house? Fenwick. Until your mother gets over her nervous collapse or until that Swede shows up. Robert. She'll never show up after swiping twenty dollars and vanishing with it. Fenwick. It's my opinion that she never touched that money. Robert. Then who did? Fenwick. Romeo Badger. Robert {nervously). Nonsense, Dad, that's absurd. Fenwick. Why is it absurd ? Didn't he need money? Didn't he telegraph that infuriated old person who's out in our garage that he was having an operation and had to have money? Well, he's not having an operation, is he? Robert. How do we know ? He might be. He Fenwick. Don't be an idiot. That wire was sent 47 PROMOTING BOMEO two days ago and Romeo was here on the job yesterday morning. It's a nice situation. She swears she won't go until he turns up. Robert. Gosh ! Fenwick {rising). Then there's Elsie's ring. When I get home from London I'll probe this affair to the roots. If it wasn't the most important kind of business, I'd change my reservations until next month {Hesitates.) Robert {excitedly). You mustn't think of it! Not for a moment! Never neglect your business for little things like family matters. Leave this to me! Fenwick {pityingly). You!! Robert {ignoring his tone). The worst part of it all is that Dorothy Stevens insists upon believing that that horrible manicure girl came here to flirt with me. Me ! I When I told her she came after Romeo I Fenwick {in that soothing voice that parents some- times adopt). Well, vv^ell, my boy, if she's willing to think a thing like that of you, you're very much better off not married to her. A suspicious woman is a very unpleasant wife. Robert. I don't care how unpleasant she is, I want her. Look here. Dad, if you think Romeo stole that money, why do you think Selma left? Fenwick. Why do cooks always leave? Because they're bored, or want a change, or don't like the way the lady of the house does her hair — how do I know? Robert. There's the bell, doggone it! {He struggles with his apron, which refuses to come off.) Oh, for goodness' sake, go and answer it ! Fenwick. At this rate, I'll miss my train, and if I miss my train {Exit angrily at r.) Robert {piously). If you miss your train, the Lord help us! 48 PROMOTING ROMEO {He gets the apron off and takes the tray to carry it off when Elsie and May enter. They are in street dress and Elsie looks tired out.) Elsie. Oh, Bob, how are you standing it? Isn't everything too awful for words ? Ben is outside. May and I ran in to see your dear mother. How is she? Robert. In bed — Hke yours. There doesn't seem to be much stamina in our famiUes, Elsie. Elsie. Well, I'm sure I do my best. If older people will be so unreasonable, it isn't my fault. (May, rather uninterested in the conversation, wan- ders about and ends up at the victrola, where she sits and pulls over the records. She appears bored. Elsie sits on couch. Robert has put the tray dowji and stands talking to Elsie.) Robert. That's what I say. The older ones started this row, all right. If Dad had given me that job Elsie. And hadn't docked my allowance Robert. And old Mrs. Badger hadn't been so set against Romeo's getting married Elsie. None of this would have happened. As it is, we're all in trouble. Romeo has disappeared Robert. And his mother insists on living in our ga- rage Elsie. And I had to make up with Ben when I didn't want to or face the poorhouse. Robert. Fortunately, Rosalie kept her mouth shut — nobody knows about that telegram. May {waking up). Dorothy Stevens is so hopping mad at you that she says she'll never speak to you again. Robert. It's a rotten shame. Somebody's got to tell her the truth. Elsie. I tried to last night and she told me to hold my tongue. May {coming down). That's the worst of telling the truth — it makes you so unpopular. 49 PROMOTING ROMEO Robert. Look here, May, you're a nice little thing — when you want to be. Won't you try to bring Dorothy around? May. It makes a difference when you want some- thing. Last night you called me a " fresh flap- per." Robert (humbly). I wasn't myself last night, May, honest! It's lucky I didn't call you anything worse than that. If you'll put me right with Dorothy, I'll May (coolly). Well? Robert. I'll give you a dinner — anywhere you say. May. Honest ? Robert. Honest. Dorothy likes you, you know, and she May. After the theatre ? Real late ? Robert. At three a. m. if you say so. May. With flowers? And lobster? And two or three real lovely men? Robert. Two or three men? Say, what are you? A young Mormon? May. Well, if you're doing a thing, why not do it right? Make it snappy? Robert. All right. Miss Brigham Young, you shall have a man on each side of you and one across the way, but you're to put me right with Dorothy ? At once ? May. Well, it can't be done by telling the truth, that's a cinch. The truth makes you look too silly. (She meditates a moment.) Elsie. It rather does, Bob, you know. May. I'll tell her — that Rosalie and Romeo are se- cretly married and that you were protecting them from Mrs. Badger — and (Enter Fen wick, followed by Ben.) Robert. Hush ! His train goes in an hour. Ben. Hullo, Bob, any more visitors? 50 PROMOTING R03IE0 {'Phone rings. Fen wick goes to it, forestalling Rob- ert, who starts.) Fenwick. Hello? Yes, this is John Fenwick speak- ing. The pohce station ! Robert. Ouch ! Fenwick. Yes, Romeo Badger is my chauffeur. (Robert picks up the tray of dishes and starts l.) Is he missing? Yes, of course, he's missing — since yesterday. Ben. I thought so. I said Elsie. Oh, do keep still ! Fenwick. What's that? Arrested for trying to pawn a lady's diamond ring? (Robert drops tray of dishes with a crash. Fenwick, to Rob- ert.) Will you keep still so that I (Into 'phone.) Yes, the ring's missing and some money. I'm leaving for New York in an hour. Can you bring him up to the house? Thanks. (Rings off. A horrified silence pre- vails.) Well, I'm sorry to hear that; I liked that boy. There's no accounting for young people these days. Well, I must get my bag packed. {He starts to go at c. May suddenly hursts into tears. ) May. Oh ! Oh ! ! Oh ! ! ! {To Robert. ) How can you be so dreadful ! ! {She runs off at r.) Fenwick. What the deuce Elsie. She's upset, poor child, by the excitement. That's all it is. I'm going up to see Aunt Ellen. {Exit, c.) Fenwick {savagely, to Robert). Do you know what this means? Robert {blankly). I — I — how should I know what it means? I haven't any time to know what it means — I've got the dishes to do. 51 PROMOTING B03IE0 (He grabs the tray and starts l. Fenwick, in exas- peration, rushes off at c. Robert sinks into a chair, lets the tray slide.) Ben. Say, you've been rather a fool, haven't you? Robert (savagely) . What do you know about it? Ben. Elsie gave us the particulars coming over. Robert. That's right. Blame a chap because a thing goes wrong. If it had succeeded, I'd have been a clever guy — full of initiative. Ben. Well, it's rather rough on Romeo. Robert. I'm going to pull Romeo out somehow. Oh, if they'd only waited an hour — just one httle mer- ciful hour! Ben. Well, they didn't. Poor devil ! Robert. I tell you (In exasperation.) Where do vou get that "poor devil" stuff? I tell you I'm' Ben. I don't mean Romeo; I mean you. That po- liceman will be here in half an hour and, of course, Romeo'll tell everything he knows. I would, myself. Robert (angrily). Look here, Ben Craig (Enter Selma quietly at r. She wears an odd-looking hat and coat and has a dejected and weary look.) Ben. Oh, I say, look who's here ! Robert (jumping up). Selma! Great Scott! Selma (smiling wanly). Ay didn't find place. Robert. What ? Selma. Ay went hunt for place but all the good ones bane gone. Robert. Look here, you mean you went to look for another place to work? Selma (nods). Ay bane tired this place. Ay go hunt in advertisements, but Ay come back. Such a many girl looking for place. This place better than not'ing, Ay tank. Ben. Then she didn't take Robert (seizing her by the arm). You sit down and 52 PROMOTING ROMEO look me in the eye. (Selma eyes him blankly.) You didn't light out with that money, eh? Selma. What money? Ay ain't see no money. Robert. Then why didn't you come back last night when you didn't find a place ? Selma (sadly). Ay go by my cousin's house and my cousin she give me somet'ing her man made in a bottle and Ay bane sick. Ach, sick, sick, sick (Her pantomime begins to be expressive.) Robert (stopping her hurriedly). All right, never mind that. You go into the kitchen and make some coffee — a whole lot of — a pailful. Some of this family haven't tasted decent food for twenty- four hours. Savvy? Selma (grinning). Yah, I get you. (Exit at c.) Robert. Ben, that girl never touched the money. Ben. Looks to me too green to take anything — ex- cept moonshine. Robert. She'd never come back if she had. But how Ben. Romeo? Robert. Nonsense. He's been left in the house a hundred times. He's as honest as she is. Ben. Then who Robert (suddenly). Ben, it's that girl — Rosalie! Ben. Huh? Robert (rapidly). Why didn't we think of it before? She was in the room alone long enough to steal the piano if she'd wanted to. Ben. But she came back, too. Robert. Yes, after she'd thrown the suspicion on Selma, and Selma had quit. (Goes to 'phone.) Central 2440. Ben. What are you going to do ? Robert. Wait and see. Hello ! That you, Rosalie ? This is Robert Fenwick. Mother would like to have you come over and give her a massage. She PROMOTING ROMEO isn't well. What? No, Mrs. Badger isn't here. Gone home. I've got something to tell you about Romeo. {Rings off. Enter Elsie as he is 'phoning.) Elsie. Robert, Aunt Ellen wants you. Robert (to Ben). If she comes while I'm gone, kid her along. Don't let her get away. (Exit, c.) Elsie. What's he up to now ? Ben. Trying to clear Romeo. Selma's back. She didn't take the money. Elsie. Do you suppose Romeo Ben. Either he or JuHet. Bob's going to find out which. Elsie. Oh, dear, isn't everything awful? Uncle's so savage that I didn't have the courage to tell him we were only pretending to be made up, Ben. I'm going to wait and write it to him. Ben. What do you mean by pretending? I wasn't pretending. Elsie. Oh, yes, you were, Ben, we both were. I only told him we'd made up because I didn't want him to go to the garage when Romeo's mother was there. You knew I didn't mean it. Ben. No, I didn't. I meant it and I supposed you did. Elsie. Why, Ben, how could you? The circum- stances hadn't changed a particle. Ben. What circumstances? Elsie. Why, your being so unsuited to me, and all that. Ben. I don't consider that I'm unsuited to you. What's the matter with me ? Elsie. The matter with you ? Oh, you serpent ! Ben. Yes. My family is all right. I've got as much money as you have. My habits are reasonably good and my health is fine — except for hay fever which I only have in August. I 54 PROMOTING BOMEO Elsie. Don't be funny. It isn't becoming to you. Ben. I'm not funny. I mean business. I demand to know why I'm not suited to you ? (Raps severely with his fist on the arm of a chair.) Elsie (o little surprised). Yesterday you said you liked your freedom ; you know you did. Ben. I've had enough of it. I find that I travel bet- ter in harness. Besides, you have no right to patch up our engagement before people and then break it again. It reflects on my character. Elsie. Your character ! ! Ben. Of course. Folks wonder what I've been up to. Nobody'll ever marry me after that. Elsie. I never heard such nonsense. Ben. It isn't nonsense. Either keep your word and marry me next Tuesday or I sue you for defama- tion of character. Elsie. You can't. Gentlemen don't do such things. Ben. Then it's time they began. I shall be a pioneer. I shall sue you for $20,000. I guess that'll put a dent in your allowance. Elsie. I never heard of anything so dreadful in all my life. Ben, I despise you for this. Ben. Of course, if you prefer to pay me — but I should think it would cripple you a bit. Elsie. Cripple me ! It will ruin me. Ben. Well, there's an easy way out. (He comes closer to her.) Elsie (in tears). Oh, oh, oh Ben. Think it over, dearest. Isn't it better to be a rich man's darling than an impoverished spinster? Elsie (falling on his shoulder) . Oh, Ben, how could you treat me so? You said you cared for me. Ben. I do — when you behave yourself. Elsie. There's the door-bell ! (Breaking azvay from him. Robert enters at c.) 55 PROMOTING BOMEO Robert. If that's Rosalie, you folks step outside those curtains, but don't go away. I may need you. {Exit at R.) Elsie. Rosalie ? What is he doing now ? Ben. Hatching up more trouble. He's got a genius for it. Elsie. Hush, here she comes. {They step behind the portieres as Robert enters, fol- lowed by Rosalie, pert and smiling as ever.) Robert. Come in. Mother's not quite ready for you. Better sit down. Rosalie {looking around a little uneasily). Mister Robert, you sure dat ole lady's gone? Robert. Sure. Rosalie {sitting). She mos' scare me to death las' night. Ain' Romeo come back yit? Robert. No, but Selma has. Rosalie. Dat Swede girl? Robert. Yes. She didn't take that money after all. Rosalie {sharply). How you know dat? Robert. Because they've just 'phoned from the po- lice station that Romeo has been arrested for stealing the money and a diamond ring of Miss Evans'. Rosalie {promptly) . My Ian', ain't dat boy got aw- ful bad? Stealin' money an' rings bofe? An' me goin' out wif him all dis time. Did — did dey fin' it on him ? Robert. They found the ring. He tried to pawn it. Rosalie. I'll jus' bet he done spen' it on dem craps. He's jes' a awful boy for craps. Mister Robert. Ain' I glad I'm thoo with him — an' his ole mother, too. Robert. Yes, but you see, we don't believe Romeo took the money. Rosalie {sharply). How come you don't? 56 PROMOTING BOMEO Robert. Because we know you took it. Rosalie {rising). Me!! Go long wif your fooling Mister Robert, you're plumb crazy in de haid. Robert. Not at all. I know it. Rosalie {angrily). How you know it? Was you thah? Robert. Certainly. Behind that curtain. Rosalie {shaken). Look hyah, Mister Robert, yo' cain' take a woman's character away lak dat jes' because she ain' white. Nossuh. Robert. Look here, Rosalie, you were alone in this room with the money. Selma can prove to any- body's satisfaction that she didn't do it. Not even a dumb Swede would be fool enough to take money, run away and then come back again. Romeo's character is established. So Rosalie. But dat ring he done took? Robert. My cousin gave it to him. If I have to ex- plain to the poHce I will. You haven't a ghost of a show. You sign this paper admitting that you took the twenty dollars or I tell the poHce every- thing. You can hand over the money, too. I've got witnesses in that room. Rosalie. Come now, Mister Robert, what you got 'g'inst me, anyhow? I didn' touch yo' ole money. Robert. All right. If you want me to start the po- lice on your trail. I was going to let you go. But Rosalie {weakening) . Who's in 'at room? Robert. Friends of mine. We'll play fair if you do. Rosalie {hesitating — then diving into her stocking and producing the money). Well, oh, take your ole money. No business leavin' it undah folkses' nose, anyhow. Robert. You're right. Thank you. Same bills ? Rosalie {angrily). An' yo' kin tell 'at low-down no- account nigger house boy dat I don't want nothin' mo' to do wif him, nohow. I'se gwine marry a genelman wif money of his own. Elsie {running in). Robert, wasn't that the bell again ? It must be the policeman with Romec. 57 PROMOTING ROMEO Rosalie {panic-stricken). Policeman! Oh, Lawdy, Lawdy ! ! ! Robert {taking her by the arm). Out the back way, quick ! {Exit Rosalie rapidly at l.) Elsib. Robert, you're wonderful. Ben. Reg'lar little private detective. I thought she had it all the time. Robert. Oh, did you, indeed ? How clever of you. {Enter Selma, scared, at r.) Selma. PoUceman! PoHceman! Romeo he bane pinched ! Robert. Well, show 'em in. {Exit Selma, wide- eyed and scared. He goes to door at c.) Hello, Dad, the cop's here. {Enter Romeo, his arm in the clutch of a policeman.) Romeo. You tak' yo' ban's off me. I tell you, I ain' touch 'at money. Mister Robert, sir, you jes' tell dis pusson Policeman. That'll do for you. You can talk when we get ready to hear you. Elsie {summoning up her courage). Well, I can talk if I want to, and I tell you he didn't steal my ring. I gave it to him. {Enter Fenwick at c, followed by Mrs. Fenwick.) Fenwick {in horror). You gave your engagement ring to my colored chauifeur? Am I out of my head? Ben. Elsie ! Romeo. Yassir, she did. She give it to me to dis- appear on. Mrs. F. {weakly). To disappear on! Robert {hurriedly). One minute — just one minute. I can explain everything. Policeman. You're a clever little guy, ain't you ? 58 PR03I0TING ROMEO Robert. Not very, but IVe got you skinned. I found the person who took the money. I made her give it back, too. Fenwick. She? Then it wa^ that Swede? {Enter Mrs. Badger at l. from garage; sees Romeo.) Mrs. B.^^ So dere you is? "Under ether but will hye." Yassir, I reckon you is gwine Hve when I git holt of you. Policeman. What's the matter with you? This man's under charge of steahng twenty dollars and a diamond ring. Mrs. B. {indignantly). Stealin'? What's the mattah wif you, white man ? Dat boy ain' never stole a cent in his Hfe ! Don' I know dat boy? Ain' I brung him up ? Don't I Robert. Listen, all of you. Rosalie stole the money and confessed to me five minutes ago and re- turned it. Here it is. Mrs. F. Rosalie! Romeo {blankly). What's dat? Mrs. B. {scornfully). I could have tole you dat easy. I been lookin' dat gal up all day. She ain' no good. She been honeyin' up to you, an' all de time she been gittin' ready to run off wif dat deU- catessum man whut was caught makin' whisky. Dat's why she wanted you to buy 'at sto'. Romeo {zvildly). Whut!! Lemme get at dat gal— lemme Policeman. You dry up ! Mrs. B^. 'At's a mighty nice cosy little delicatessum sto'. I done buy it myse'f. I'se tired Hvin' in de country an' I reckon dis yere boy needs somebody to keep an eye on him, he's jes' dat green. Ben. But the ring Fenwick {to Policeman). We won't need you any more. We'll keep the rest of this in the family^ I guess. {He hands the man a couple of cigars.) 59 PROMOTING BOMEO Policeman. All right. If you don't want to prose- cute {He goes off at r.) Fenwick. Now, Robert Robert. Why Mrs. B. Whut I wants to know is, who sen' me dis yere telegram? Romeo. Why Elsie. Why, Uncle dear, it was like this (Rob- ert groans. Enter Dorothy; stops at r.) You told Robert that he must show a bit of initiative so that you could give him that job; and Dorothy told him to try his hand on some little near at hand thing and promote it. (Romeo groans.) So he tried to help Romeo by suggesting that it was too bad he couldn't get appendicitis so that his mother would send him some money ; and that wretched Rosalie went and sent the telegram. It's all her fault. Dorothy. Oh, Bob, was that really all ? That's what May said ! Fenwick. All? I'm disgusted with you, Robert. Absolutely disgusted. Mrs. B. {venomously). You Romeo — you march right out into dat garage, sir. I'll settle wif you immegitly. {Exit Romeo and Mrs. Badger at l., she holding him sternly by the arm.) Fenwick. As for you, sir, the less initiative you cul- tivate in the future the better. My business isn't frenzied finance — it's old-fashioned and legiti- mate ! I see I have been mistaken in you. I'll take you on as salesman if Mrs. Stevens will promise to keep an eye on you ; but don't — for the Lord's sake — don't try to be brilliant. Stop be- fore you land in the penitentiary. Robert {humbly). Yes, sir. 60 PROMOTING ROMEO Fenwick {looking at his watch). Gad, Fm late! Romeo ! I'll miss that blamed train yet ! (Dashes out, followed by Mrs. Fenwick.) Robert. Dorothy, you're an angel and Fm a fool. Will you take me? Dorothy. There's nothing the matter with you, dear, except that you're temperamental. {They embrace.) Ben. Temperamental? Gosh, ain't that enough? Elsie. Ben, you'd better go right down and unpawn my engagement ring. I need it. {They embrace. Enter Selma at c.) Selma. The coffee bane made. CURTAIN 6i Uausually Good Entertainments ittt- tha. Eiiffl Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program A SURPRISE PARTY AT BRINKLEY'S. An En- iertainment in One Scene, by Ward Macauley. Seven male and seven female characters. Interior scene, or may be given with- ^out scenery. Costumes, modern. Time, one hour. By Vnthor of the popular successes, "Graduation Day at Wood Hit School," "Back to the Country Store," etc. The villagers hav« planned a birthday surprise party for Mary Brinkley, recently' «raduat€d from college. They all join in jolly games, soogs^ ponundrums, etc., and Mary becomes engaged, which surprises the surprisers. The entertainment is a sure success. JONES VS. JINKS. A Mock Trial in One Act, by Edward Mumford. Fifteen male and six female characters, with supernumeraries if desired. May be played all male. Many of the parts (members of the jury, etc.) are small. Scene, a simple interior; may be played without scenery. Costumes, modern. Time of playing, one hour. This mock trial has many novel features, unusual characters and q«ick action. Nearly every character has a funny entrance and laughable lines. There afe many rich parts, and fast fun throughout. THE SIGHT-SEEING CAR. A Comedy Sketch in One Act, by Ernest M. Gould. For seven males, two females, or may be all male. Parts may be doubled, with quick changes, so that four persons may play the sketch. Time, forty-five minutes. Simple street scene. Costumes, modern. The superintendent of a sight-seeing automobile engages two men to run the machine. A Jew, a farmer, a fat lady and other humoroua characters give them all kinds of trouble. This is a regular gat- ling-gun stream of rollicking repartee. THE CASE OF SMYTHE VS. SMITH. An Original Mock Trial in One Act, by Frank Dumont, Eighteen males and two females, or may be all male. Plays about one hour. Scene, a county courtroom ; requires no scenery ; may be played in an ordinary hall. Costumes, modern. This entertainment is nearly perfect of its kind, and a sure success. It can be easily produced in any place or on any occasion, and provides almost any number of good parts. THE OLD MAIDS' ASSOCIATION. A Farcical Enters tainment in One Act, by Louise Latham Wilson. For thirteen females and one male. The male part may be played by a female, and the number of characters increased to twenty or« more. Time, forty minutes. The play requires neither scenery ( nor properties, and very little in the way of costumes. Canj- icasily be prepared in one or two rehearsals. I BARGAIN DAY AT BLOOMSTEIN'S. A Farcical Entertainment in One Act, by Edward Mumford. For five males and ten females, with supers. Interior scene. Costumes, mod- ern. Time, thirty minutes. The characters and the situatioai which arise from their endeavors to buy and sell make rapid'-fire ifun from start to finish. THE ^ENN PUBLISHING COMPANY Unusualiy Good Entertainments Read One or More of These Before Deciding on Your Next Program GRADUATION DAY AT WOOD HILI. SCHOOL. An Entertainment in Two Acts, by Ward Macauley. For six males and four females, with several minor parts. _ Time ef playing, two hours. Modern costumes. Simple interior scenes; may be presented in a hall without scenery. The unusual comA 8)ination of a real "entertainment," including music, recitations/ etc., with an interesting love story. The graduation exercises? include short speeches, recitations, songs, funny interruption^" and a comical speech by a country school trustee. EXAMINATION DAY AT WOOD HILL SCHOOL. An Entertainment in One Act, by Ward Macauley. Eight male and six female characters, with minor parts. Plays one hour. Scene, an easy interior, or may be given without scenery. Cos- tumes, modern. Miss Marks, the teacher, refuses to marry^ a trustee, who threatens to discharge her. The examination in- cludes recitations and songs, and brings out many funny answers to questions. At the close Robert Coleman, an old lover, claims the teacher. Very easy and very effective. BACK TO THE COUNTRY STORE. A Rural Enter- tainment in Three Acts, by Ward Macauley. For four maU and five female characters, with some supers. Time, two hours. Two scenes, both easy interiors. Can be played effectively witk- out scenery. Costumes, modern. All the principal parts are sure hits. Quigley Higginbotham, known as "Quig," a clerk ia a country store, aspires to be a great author or singer and decides to try his fortvines in New York. The last scene is in Quig's home. He returns a failure but is offered a partnership in the country store. He pops the question in the midst of a surprise party given in his honor. Easy to do and very funny. TKB DISTRICT CONVENTION. A Farcical Sketch in One Act, by Frank Dumont. For eleven males and one female, or twelve males. Any number of other parts or super- numeraries may be added. Plays forty-five minutes. No special' fecenery is required, and the costumes and properties are ali' easy. The play shows an uproarious political nominating con- vention. The climax comes when a woman's rights cham- pion, captures the convention. There is a great chance to bur- lesque modern politics and to work in local gags. Every part will make a hit. SI SLOCUM'S COUNTRY STORE. An Ei;tertainmeiilJ in One Act, by Frank Dumont. Eleven male and five female characters with supernumeraries. Several parts may be doubled. Plays one hour. Interior scene, or may be played without set scenery. Costumes, modem. The rehearsal for an entertain- ment in the village church gives plenty of opportunity for specialty work. A very jolly entertainment of the sort adapted to almost any place or occasion. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA Successful Plays for All Girls In Selecting Your Next Play Do Not Overlook This List by M^''Ti^%'''^<''^ DEVINE^ A Farce In Two Acts, by Mrs. E. J H. Goodfellow. One of the most popular pays for gxrls. For nine female characters. Time ^n playing thirty minutes. Scenery, ordinary interior. Mod" ern costumes.^ Girls m a boarding-school, learning that a young doctor is coming to vaccinate all the pupils, eagerly con- wLTft do f ^" '" '^' "^""".'" °^ fascinating the physician. When the doctor appears upon the scene the pupils discover that the physician is a female practitioner. Dttmo^^^^F^ masons a Burlesque in One Act, by Frank DUMONT. For eleven females. Time, thirty minutes. Costumes, fantastic gowns or dominoes. Scene, interior. A grand expose of Masonry Some women profess to learn the secrets of a Masonic lodge by hearing their husbands talk in their sleep and they institute a similar organization. , A COMMANDING POSITION. A Farcical Enter- tainment, by Amelia Sanford. For seven female char- acters and ten or more other ladies and children. Time one hour. Costumes, modern. Scenes, easy interiors and one street scene.^ Manan Young gets tired living with her aunt. Miss Skinflint. She decides to "attain a commanding position" Manan tries hospital nursing, college settlement work and school teaching, but decides to go back to housework. ,•„ »<>W A WOT^^^ ^^jjpg ^ SECRET. A Comedy m One Act, by Frank Dumont. For ten female characters, rime half an hour. ^ Scene, an easy interior. Costumes, modern. Mabel Sweetly has just become engaged to Harold, but it's "the deepest kind of a secret." Before announcing it they must win the approval of Harold's uncle, now in Europe, or lose a possible ten thousand a year. At a tea Mabel meets her dearest friend. Maude sees Mabel has a secret, she coaxes and Mabel tells her. But Maude lets out the secret in a few minutes to another friend and so the secret travels. THE OXFORD ATTAIR. A Comedy in Three Acts, by Josephine H. Cobb and Jennie E. Paine. For eight female characters. Plays one hour and three-quarters. Scenes, inter- iors at a seaside hotel. Costumes, modern. The action of the play is located at a summer resort. Alice Graham, in order to chaperon herself, poses as a widow, and Miss Oxford first claims her as a sister-in-law, then denounces her. The onerous duties of Miss Oxford, who attempts to serve as chaperon to Miss Howe and Miss Ashton in the face of many obstacles, furnish an evening of rare enjoyment. THE PENN PUBLISHING COMPANY PHILADELPHIA ■Ml. 01 W15 863 867 o 9 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS The Power of 015 863 Expression and efficiency go hand in hand. Thfe power of clear and forceful expression brings confi- dence and poise at all times — in private gatherings, in public discussion, in society, in business. It in an invaluable asset to any man or woman. It can of les be turned into money, but it is always a real joy. In learning to express thought, we learn to command ^K>ught itself, and thought is power. You can have this power if you will. Whoever has the power of clear expression k always sure of himself. The power of expression leads to: The ability to think "on your f«®0^ Successful public speaking Effective recitals The mastery over other mind£ Social prominence Business success Efficiency in any undertaking fy$ these things worth while? Tfeey are all successfully taught at The National School otf Elocution and Oratory, which during many years has dc- vek>ped this power in hundreds of men and women. A catalogue giving full information as to how any of these •seOBnplishments may be attained will be sent free on request. THE NATIONAL SCHOOL OF ELOCUTION AND ORATORY 40 J 2 Chestnut Street PhaadelpUa