NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. An Old Maid's Venture Price, 15 Cents 31. U), Pinero's Plays Price, 50 ^etits Eacb THF AMA7nN^ Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five fe- IIUli /\lTliTLiLv/liO males. Costumes, modern; scenery, not difficult. Plays a full evening. TUC PAUIMrT M^MIQTPP Farce in Four Acts. Ten InL LADlrlLl lYlIINIOiLK males, nine females. Cos tumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. riANHY ni^K" Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four fe- I/rlliA./i Lfi\i/Iv males. Costumes, modern; scenery, two inte- riors. Plays two hours and a half. TUP r* AV I ni?n nilFY comedy in Four Acts. Fourmales, inC U/\l JLUIVU KlKJLiA, ten females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. UIQ UriTTQI? IM nPriFP comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, niiJ nUUOEi 111 UALTEiIV four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. TUr UriRRV UAPQ17 Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, iriEi ntFDDl nV/IVOC nye females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. IpiC Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, II^*»J modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. I A nV ROITNTIFIII Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven MunU I DviLillirUIj females. Costumes, modern; 8cen« ery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. I FTTY ^^ama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five LiL*l 1 I females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. Plays a full .vening. THF M Af'IQTR ATF Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, 1 111:1 IflrtVsiiJ 1 1\./\ 1 £1 four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, aij interior. Plays two hours and a half. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by l^alter S. Pafeer & Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts An Old Maid's Venture A Comedy in One Act By ELMA M. LOGIE BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1916 4 ^ An Old Maid's Venture CHARACTERS Miss Mary Simpkins, an old maid. NORAH, an Irish servant. Frances Smith, the new boarder. Plays Thirty Minutes Copyright, i 916, by Walter H. Baker & Co. An Old Maid's Venture SCENE. — An old-fashioned parlor, scrupulously neat. Exit at back and side. Window with lace curtain fastened up with bows of ribboji. Piano or screen at o?ie side of stage. Centre table with marble top, with family Bible, photograph album, wax figures under glass. Oil painting on wall of lady and other old fashioned pictures. Tidies on chairs, mottoes on wall, many ornaments about, etc. (NoRAH discovered, dressed in a costume of various colors, colored stockings, gingham apron, bow on hair. In corner almost behind piano or screen dusting. Enter Miss Mary SiMPKiNS, abstractedly, dressed in old-fashioned dress, hair dressed tight at sides and pug at back, silk mils, a large side bag and keys hanging from her belt, little white apron. She looks around for dust, straightens tidy on chair, pets cat and begins to speak. As Norah hears the first few sefitences, she disappears from the old maid's view, listenifig, almost convulsed with laughter and mak- ing appropriate gestures.^ Miss S. {talking to cat). Tabby, all that is needed in this house is a man. The house is too neat, nothing around, noth- ing from the outside world to hear about and to cheer us up. If only Josiah hadn't gone (^sighing) and drownded himself on his last trip to sea, and there wa'n't a single man left in the village for me except Tom Judkins, and he ain't got enough gumption to marry nobody and never did have. (Looks cau- tions ly around.) I'll tell you a secret, Tabby. Maybe we won't be alone much longer. I got an idea last week and ad- vertised for a husband in that magazine I seen over at Miss Lee's. Where is that copy of what I sent? {Hunts in drawer of table.) It's gone ! I wonder if Norah has seen it. I vvouldn't have her know for nothin'. Oh, here it is. {Repeats to her- self.) ^'A nice maiden lady, who is lonely, age thirty-five (Fm fifty-five, Tabby, but that would look awful in print ; it would scare him), with money, a nice disposition, can come well recommended by the minister, has chickens, cows, a fairly 4 AN OLD MAID S VENTURE competent Irish cook, wants a husband, the kind and loviii' variety preferred, — or else a boarder. (I thought Td better put that in; a boarder would be some comi)any and he'd be better than no naan around.) Address Ingleside, Vermont," New York City ain't so awful far. Seems as if we'd ought 'a' had an answer in a week. Maybe 1 didn't put in enough about myself. I should have told the color of my eyes, and that I was a pretty girl once. There might be a letter on to-night's mail. I dassent go up to the post-office again. I've been up there three times in two days, and Mr, Jones, the postmaster, asked me this mornin' what I was expectin', or if some of my relations was dyin'. I'll have to send Norah. {Calls.) Norah, Norah {impatiently), Norah ! NoRAH (aside). The saints presarve us ! {Slips out door, and enters hurriedly as if she had not been in room,) Yes, mum. I was out in the wood-shid and I was after thinkin* ye was caUin', mum, so I hurried right in. Miss S. Norah, please go up to the post-office at once and see if there is a letter for me. I am expectin' an important letter. And, Norah, if it's there tuck it in your waist. Don't let no one see you with it, and hurry right back. This may mean a great deal to me, Norah. Norah (^pretending ignorance). Shure, and ye don't mane it, mum ? A litter ! And who from ? Miss S. From — a — a — relative of mine. (^Sternly.) Your curiosity, Norah, is very unseemly for one in your position. Norah. Beggin' your pardon, mum. But I was just after thinkin' as how ye must be all of a narvous twitter, so to spake, mum. A litter's a thing that has niver coom to this mansion since I coom here, and that's eight years past. What with Tim so handy ( Claps hand over mouth.) Miss S. Norah, Tim — who is this ? — I have heard you speak this name before. (Norah blushes and twists apron,) Norah, tell me this instant, who is this Tim ? Is it a — a — person ? Norah (hesitating). It's a rihtive of moine, mum. ( Winks.) Shure (brightening up as she has an idea) it's me lame coosin. I goes over there avnins to help the poor childer since poor Tim's woife died. {Weeps.) Oh, mum, ye'd not be after askin' me to go back on Tim, would ye now? Miss S. {sympathetically). Certainly not, Norah. Comfort him all you can. I fen red for a moment that he was not a relative of yours. I see 1 was wrong. Hurry back from the post-office, Norah. I'll wait up for you. AN OLD MAID S VENTURE 5 NoRAH (as Miss S. goes out). Shure, and me connoivin' in nie brain a scheme to go out and do an irrand so's to see Tim whin he goes by on his bate. I couid niver be after tellin' the missus that Tim's me swateheart, and her fifty-foive and niver had a foine-lookin' Oirishman like Tim payin* her attin- tions. {Puis on shawl and hat trim7ned in many colors?) Shure, and I don't know what he sees in me, but he says I'm handsome. {Hears whistle outside.^ Shure, and there he is now, bless his soul. {Goes out singing,) Oh, me luve's loike the ocean, me luve's loike the ocean. Miss S. {in bathrobe, nightcap, carrying a candle). Oh, my heart is all of a flutter. Supposin' a colored man should answer my letter and rob us when he finds out we are two lone, defenceless women. Oh, dear ! Or a horrid man should come with a dog which would chew Tabby up. I should have asked him in my advertisement to be sure and arrive in the daytime. What if he should come to-night? {Tries locks of windows, etc. Simpers,') I wonder if he will bring me flowers, and I do hope he will bring the ring. I think I would rather have a pearl. {Noise outside.) Oh, oh, what's that? He's come, and he's a robber. I know he will kill us. (Seizes feather duster and stands at door ready for action.') NoRAH {as a kiss and a slap is heard), Shure, and ye do be after takin' awful liberties lately, Tim. Miss Simpkins won't be after wantin' me mooch langer. She's after hoontin' hersilf a hoosband, Tim. Miss S. {terror-stricken). Oh, Norah, is he colored? What shall we do? Get the pohceman. He'll rob us. Nor AH. Shure, and there's no nigger out there nor no rob- ber ayther, mum. Ye're excoited, mum. It was only me coosin. He hobbled down a ways with me to talk business. We coom near settlin' impartant matters to-night, mum. {Winks,) But here's yer litter, mum, from Boston. Miss S. {eagerly, as Norah takes letter from her waisty Oh, from my — my — relative. (Norah goes out very much amused. Miss S. opens letter and reads, giggling.) ''Dear Miss Simpkins : I read your advertisement and I, too, am lonely. 1 would like very much to come to Ingleside as a {sinking back disappointed) boarder for the summer on trial. {Simpers,) If we suit each other, we can then make a more permanent arrangement in the fall. I shall come at once un- less I hear from you. Sincerely yours, Francis W. Smith." 6 AN OLD MAID S VENTURE We suit each other, a more permanent arrangement — why, that's really a proposal. (/// ecstasies y then collapses.^ Norah, quick, water, 1 think I'm goin' to die. Nor AH (j'ushing in with a pitcher of water and a glass ; taking letter and reading it while Miss S. is overcome. Aside,) Great hivins ! He's coomin' ! Shure, mum, and I don't won- der ye're overcoom. I am mesilf. You'll coom to, presently, mum. (^Innocently,') What's the matter, mum? Bad noos in yer litter, mum? Miss S. {aside). I must tell her ; there is not a minute to lose. Somebody — somebody is coming soon, Norah — a — a {Aside,) How can I tell her? It's a gentleman, Norah. We must think of his comfort. What would he like? 1 can't re- member what men do like. 1 do hope, though, that they like cats. Norah. Shure, and they all do, mum. Me brothers luved them, mum. They used to spind all their avnins peggin' stones at thim on the back fince. Shure, and me good mother could niver get thim boys in, they liked cats so powerful well. And shure, mum, maybe he'll be after smokin', so we'll get him an ash-tray and some noospapers — some of thim owld wanes in the wood-shid will do, mum — and pie and cake and tobacco and doughnuts and Miss S. Yes, and I must wear my black silk and a pink ribbon in my hair. He would want me to look nice. I had better go and dress. He might come to-night. Norah. Shure and he moight. Indade, mum, and ye moost put on your very bist. He'd be per tickler how you looked. Miss S. {tur?ii?ig back in the doorivay). And oh, yes, Norah, put a new^ ribbon on Tabby. I shall hate him if he doesn't love my dear little pet. And the guest room, is that ready, Norah? And I think I'll get out that house coat of Uncle Joe's I have in the attic and his slippers. We must make him very comfortable so he'll like to stay. Oh, dear, there is so much to do, and I'm so excited. NoRAH. Shure, and this do bate all; wait until Mr. Fran- cis Smith sees the noice lady, thirty-foive, and we'll have to be after gettin' the water-wagon out to lay the doost, he'll be after disappearin' so fast. Everybody do say as ho\v Josiah went and drownded hissilf ruther'n be bossed all his loife by Miss Simpkins. {Dusts frantically.) I moost be after gettin' thim noospapers and all thim coomforts we was thinkin' of for a man. Shure and min do requoire a lot of lookin' after and en- AN OLD MAID S VENTURE 7 cooragin', It^s me that knows it, you bit. {Laughs.) It do bate ail a man coomin* i;iere. Who was it now, some furrin gintleman named Shakesberry or somethin' loike that that sid an owld maid is not so bad until she quits strooglin'. Wance she gets resoigned and gives up the foight, shureand she's im- possible. I guess the missus is indoolgin' in her last stroogle. Begorry, I'm glad I'm livin' to see the fun whin Mr. Francis coomes. Off coom the tidies for ye, Mr. Francis. Min do be after hatin' these dingle dangles. Maybe he'll be after givin' me a tip now and thin, and under the mattress it goes, if he's that ginrous, with the rist of the cash me and Tim's savin' for the great ivint. Miss S. {dressed in old black silky white fichu ^ pink ribbon in hairy carrying house coat and slippers) . How very queer things look, Norah. {Sternly.) Where are all the tidies? Did they have to come off? Well, perhaps it is best, Norah. How do you think I look ? Norah. Shure, mum, and you look beautiful — grand. Ye don't look a day over forty-foive, mum, that and ye don't. Miss S. Norah, forty- five. {Walks arou7id the room y ap- proving her costume J) Come, we must hurry and get the food ready. He'll be very hungry after that long journey. Oh, I begin to be afraid that he won't come after all these prepara- tions. [Both exeunt. Enter Frances Smith, an attractive you?ig lady in a tailored suit with traveli?ig-bag. She looks around, Fran. What a charming little place ; but what is all this ? An ash-tray, a man's house coat, shppers ; why, it looks as if there were a man here after all, and I did feel sure that I would find a nice old maid living all alone. I hoped I could get away from all the male sex for a while. Since I sent Jack away I can't bear to think of m*en. This beautiful country — {looki?ig out of windoiv) what paintings I can make of the sun- sets and the hills. {Sees painting on wall.) Why, that looks like a picture in my family album ! It looks almost like my aunt whom we tried so hard to find just before mother died. Dear mother, she went away when she was eighteen, and never saw her sister again. She said she wouldn't forgive her, but I know she would have if we could only liave found her. I wonder where every one is. The advertisement said that there was a fairly competent Irish cook. She must be about some- where. {Sounds,) Some one is coming now. How disappointed 8 AN OLD MAID S VENTURE MibS Simpkins vvill be when she sees that she's not to have a husband but a boarder. {Laughs,) 1 suppose it was dread ful of me to sign my name with an *' i " instead of an '* e." Miss S. {entering with pie, followed by Norah with dough- 7iutSy newspapers, etc.). How do you do? Who are you? What do you want? Haven't you made a mistake? Fran. No, I came here in answer to your advertisement for a husband — or a boarder. I'm the boarder. (Miss S. sinks into chair, Norah takes in the situatiofi at once, and is highly amused,) You don't mind very much, do you? But tell me, I am so puzzled, who is this? (^Goes over to picture.) I can't understand. It is just like a picture in our family al- bum of my mother's sister whom we tried so hard to find when mother died. Miss S. Was your mother's name Daisy? It is. It is. I saw the resemblance when I first caught sight of you. I had that picture made for Josiah the Christmas before he went and got drownded thirty- five years ago. Your mother, my sister ! {Embraces niece.) Oh, bless your heart, I'm so happy and relieved. I didn't want a husband at all. I wanted you, I was so lonely. Norah. Shure, and we didn't want a nigger maybe or a man with a dog on the place, did we, now, mum? All min are a trouble, anyway, bless their souls. Shure, miss, and I was goin' to be after lavin' soon to start in the business of housekapin* for mysilf, that and I was, if a man coom here with all his extra work, but I'll be after stayin' a bit langer now, shure and I will. It will be good for Tim to kape him gissin' a whoile langer. (^Checks herself as Miss S. begins to listen. Ring at door,) The saints presarve us. Will wonders niver cease. If it ain't a tiligram. Sooch a day as weVe had. It's for you, miss. (^Hands telegram to Fran.) Fran. Oh, listen. Auntie. {Reads.) *' Have hunted you up. Arrive on next train. Will board for summer at Miss Lee's. Jack." (Shyly explains.) Jack is my fiance. We've had a quarrel, but it was all my fault, and now I can tell him I'm sorry. Miss S. So it seems we are to have a man around after all. Norah, we must have a fine big dinner for Mr. Jack to-morrow. Norah. Sure, mum, and ye'll have no need to be ashamed of me. I'm a fairly competent cook. CURTAIN B, m. Pitiero's Plays Price, 50 Recite Cacb Min PHANNFI ^^^y ^^ ^^^^ ^^*®- S^^ males, fiv^ females. lUILF-\^Il/\lliiLiLi Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two and a half hours. THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH ir^'Si^TE males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening. THF PRflFTIPATF Playin Four Acts. Seven males, five I liJLi 1 i\\Jl Ul\Jl\ 1 1:1 females. Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF QPHnni MIQTPFQQ Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, lOEi Ol^nUULilTliOilVEiOO seven females. Costumes, mod- em; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY ^^rl^ZX^ females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. QWFFT T AVFWnFP Comedyln Three Acts. Seven males, OULaLaI Lii\y C^l^ULiSK four females. Scene, a single interior, costumes, modern. Plays a full evening, THF THTTWriFPRniT Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, lllL* illuni/IJIVDV/Lil nine females. Scenery, three interi- ors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF TIMF^ Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. * "«-• * llTltiij Scene, a single interior ; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. THF WFAVFP QFY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, 101:1 TT Hi/llVIIiIV uijA. eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE ^^.tl^^j'^^niJ^ll: Coi^iimes, modern; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Salter ||. Pafeer Sc Company No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 825 810 9 j^ Clje IS^ilUam l^arren Ctittion of 3^laps AC Vnn I IITP IT Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four AO lUU Ma.1^ ■* females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, va- ried. Plays a full evening. rAMIITP Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Cos- vAluIl^LCf tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. Iltflinif AD Play in Five Acts. Thirteen males, three females. inUUluiyv Scenery varied ; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. Iff ADV CTIIADT Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen malfes, four fe- luAKi 311JAIV1 males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the period ; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. THE MERCHANT OF VENICE SSS'Ih^ef 7/mt?:i: %Z^^, picturesque j scenery varied. Plays a full evening. DirHPT IPTT I*lay in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- l\lV/IiCMJuU ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. THP DIVATC Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. iliJC IIITAL3 Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. SHE STOOPS.TO CONQUER ^^S^JJ^r lZlx^?'l.eI^'y^l rled ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evenmg. TWaA NIfiHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL 'i^^t^.^J.^ll threer females. Costumes, picturesque ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by Salter ^^ OBafeer & Compant No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 8. J. PARKHILL & CO.. PRINTERS. BOSTON, U.S.A.