DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 
 
 Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 
 
 DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
 ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 
 
 M. F. 
 
 Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 
 
 acts, 2V2 hrs (25c) 8 8 
 
 Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 
 
 2 hrs (25c) 15 
 
 After the Game, 2 acts, Wa, 
 
 hrs (25c) 1 9 
 
 All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 
 
 (2Sc) 4 4 
 
 All for the Cause, 1 act, \V\ 
 
 hrs (25c) 10 
 
 All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 
 
 214 hrs (25c) 6 10 
 
 And Home Came Ted, 3 acts, 
 
 214 hrs (35c) 6 6 
 
 Arizona Cowboy, 4 acts, 2^ 
 
 hrs (25c) 7 5 
 
 As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 
 
 ZVz hrs (25c) 9 7 
 
 At the End of the Rainbow, 3 
 
 '■> acts, 2\i hrs (25c) 6 14 
 
 Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. 
 
 (25c) 17 
 
 Boy Scouts* Good Turn, 3 acts, 
 
 134 hrs (25c) 16 2 
 
 Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2J4 
 
 hrs (?5c) 7 3 
 
 Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 
 
 (25c) 7 4 
 
 Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2J4 h. (25c) 7 4 
 Call of the Colors, 2 acts, 1^ 
 
 hrs (25c). 4 10 
 
 Call of Wohelo, 3 acts, 1^ 
 
 hrs (25c) 10 
 
 Camouflage of Shirley, 3 acts, 
 
 IVi, hrs (35c) 8 10 
 
 Civil Service, 3 acts, 2y^ hrs. 
 
 (25c) 6 5 
 
 College Town, 3 acts, 2K 
 
 hrs , (25c) 9 8 
 
 Daughter of the Desert, 4 
 
 acts, ZVx hrs (25c) 6 4 
 
 Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. 
 
 (25c) 5 5 
 
 Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 
 
 (25c) 6 4 
 
 Down in Dixie, 4 acts, IV2. 
 
 hrs (25c) 8 4 
 
 Dream That Came True, 3 
 
 acts, 2J4 hrs ..(25c) 6 13 
 
 Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 
 
 Enchanted Wood, 1^ h.(35c).Optnl. 
 Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1^ h. (25c) 7 6 
 Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 4 4 
 
 Fifty-Fifty, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (35c) 6 8 
 For the Love of Johnny, 3 
 
 acts, IVx hrs (35c) 6 3 
 
 Fun on the Podunk Limited, 
 
 IVz hrs (25c) 9 14 
 
 M. F. 
 
 Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 
 
 2 hrs. (25c) 3 5 
 
 High School Freshman, 3 acts, 
 
 2 hrs (25c) 12 
 
 Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 
 
 In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ 
 
 hrs (25c) 6 4 
 
 Jayville Junction, 1% hrs. (25c) 14 17 
 Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 
 
 214 hrs (25c) 10 9 
 
 Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 
 
 acts, 2J4 hrs (25c) 6 12 
 
 Lady of the Library, 3 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 5 10 
 
 Laughing Cure, 2 acts, l-)4 hrs. 
 
 (25c) 4 5 
 
 Lighthouse Nan, 3 acts, 2J4 
 
 hrs. ..; (25c) 5 4 
 
 Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^4 hrs. 
 
 (2Sc) 7 4 
 
 Little Clodhopper, 3 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 3 4 
 
 Mirandy's Minstrels. ... (25c) Optnl. 
 Mrs. Tubbs Does Her Bit, '3 
 
 acts, 2 54 hrs (25c) 7 7 
 
 Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 
 
 acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 
 
 Old Fashioned Mother, 3 acts, 
 
 2Vi, hrs (25c) 6 6 
 
 Old Maid's Club, 1^ hrs. (25c) 2 16 
 Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 8 6 
 
 Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 
 
 134 hrs (25c) 12 9 
 
 On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 
 
 ZVi hrs (25c) 10 4 
 
 Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 4 4 
 
 Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2^ h.(25c) 7 4 
 Real Thing After All, 3 acts, 
 
 2M hrs ;...(35c) 7 9 
 
 Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2^4 
 
 hrs (25c) 10 12 
 
 Ruth in a Rush, 3 acts, 2% 
 
 hrs. (35c) 7 9 
 
 Safety First, 3 acts, 
 
 2^ hrs (25c) 5 5 
 
 Savageland, 2 acts, 2J^ hrs. (50c) 5 5 
 Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 7 
 
 Spark of Life, 3 acts, 
 
 2 hrs (25c) 4 4 
 
 Spell of the Image, 3 acts, 2J/^ 
 
 hrs (25c)10 10 
 
 Star Bright, 3 acts, ZYz h. (25c) 6 5 
 Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 
 
 2 hrs (25c) 6 4 
 
 Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2j4 
 
 hrs (25c) 9 16 
 
 Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2^^ 
 
 hrs (25c) 7 4 
 
 T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers,154W.RandolphSt.. Chicago 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER 
 
 A RURAL EPISODE 
 
 BY 
 
 HARRY L. NEWTON 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 'All on Account of Polly/' "The Corner Driig Store," "Every- 
 
 youth," "The Goodfellow," "Good Mornin' Judge," "The 
 
 Heiress of Hoctozvn," "Jayville Junction," "The Little 
 
 Red School House," "Teacher Kin I Go Home?" 
 
 "When the Circus Came to Town," "Some 
 
 Vaudeville Monologues," etc. 
 
 CHICAGO 
 
 T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 
 
 Publishers 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER<bJ^ 
 
 CHARACTERS. /V^/J^ 
 
 Seldom Sells The Promoter 
 
 Horace Wetherby The Postmaster 
 
 May June • . . . . The Visitor 
 
 Scene — Exterior of Grass Hopper Center Post Office. 
 
 Place — Somewhere in Nezv England. 
 
 Time — Afternoon. 
 
 Time of Play — About Fifteen Minutes. 
 
 Note. — Songs may be introduced if desired. 
 
 COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 
 
 Sells — Large checked gray and black coat and trousers 
 and fancy vest. A typical street salesman. 
 
 Wetherby — Old Man Rube. Attired in rural clothing. 
 Strong Yankee dialect. Wears large tin star on vest. 
 
 May — Pretty young girl attired in fashionable afternoon 
 frock. 
 
 STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
 
 R. means right of stage ; C, center ; R. C, right center ; 
 L., left; I E., first entrance; U. E., upper entrance; R. j E., 
 right entrance up stage, etc. ; up stage, away from footlights ; 
 down stage, near footlights. The actor is supposed to be 
 facing the audience. 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY. 
 
 2 
 
 ^tMS|&iy©CI.[) 52577 
 
 -*'\vsi 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER 
 
 Scene : Exterior of a small post office, with small win- 
 dow opening R. of C, small bench at L. Entrance into 
 post office and at R. and at L. The following signs may he 
 displayed on drop: 
 
 Fresh Eggs, to be Set on or Et 
 Fuller Gloom, Undertaker, Eventually, Why Not Now ? 
 Hi Waters, Dentist and Coal. Teeth Extracted. Coal 
 
 Put In. 
 Luke Warm, Groceries, Livery Stable and Ice Cream 
 
 Soda 
 
 Seldom enters at rise. He carries small leather hag, with 
 strap over one shoulder. The hag is filled zvith hoxes, quan- 
 tity of cough drops in hoxes. He stops at C. and surveys 
 scene in disgust. 
 
 Seldom. Huh, Grass Hopper Center. Well, it looks the 
 part all right. But I gotta get busy. I ain't seen a piece of 
 money for so long that I wouldn't know how to make change 
 for a nickel. (Takes out handful of hoxes.) Gee, as bad 
 as I feel I have to laugh ; trying to sell cough drops in the 
 middle of August. Oh, well, if they don't cough one way, 
 maybe they will another. (Spiel.) All right, now, folks — 
 don't crowd ! Plenty of room for all. I'm introducing for 
 the first time in your city my wonderful little cough drop. 
 Now, good people, these little cough drops are absolutely 
 guaranteed to stop baldness, heal fish bites, shut out lame- 
 ness of the liver, break up the blues, warm over cold feet, 
 make good shortening for pies, and put the everlasting 
 kibosh on moths in your last year's automobile. Now, folks, 
 why seek another climate when you can cough at home? 
 
 Horace sticks head out of zuindozv. 
 
 Horace. Hear ye, hear ye, the post office is now open ! 
 
 3 
 
4 GRASS HOPPER CENTER 
 
 Seldom (aside). Oh, hello — somebody does live here. 
 (To Horace.) Any mail for me? 
 
 Horace. Nope. Got no mail for nobody. 
 
 Seldom. Then what's the idea of having a post office? 
 
 Horace, Gosh all Friday, every town's got to have a 
 post office. 
 
 Seldom. Yes, I know — but where's the town? 
 
 Horace. Why, you're steppin' on part of it now. (Sel- 
 dom makes a quick sidestep.) Yes, siree, young man; five 
 years ago there wasn't a town here. 
 
 Seldom. And what makes you think there's a town here 
 now? 
 
 Horace. Oh, you get out — what you sellin' ? 
 
 Seldom. Cough drops — how de do! (Goes to shake 
 Horace's hand, instead grabs his whiskers and pulls them.) 
 
 Horace. Gosh ding ye — stop ! You can't pull 'em out. 
 They're clinched on the other side. (Feels of whiskers.) 
 
 Seldom (laughs). Say, what's the idea ? Whiskers aren't 
 in style any more. 
 
 Horace. Well, I let mine grow to get 'em out of my 
 system. 
 
 Seldom. Say, you're some lollop. Come out here where 
 I can get a better look at you. 
 
 Horace (taps star on breast). You better behave. I'm 
 the constable. Say, you gotta license to sell them there 
 coughin' drops?. 
 
 Horace enters from post office. 
 
 Seldom. No, I haven't. But I don't need a license. 
 Why? Because I ain't selling any cough drops. I'm just 
 trying to — this is some quiet town. 
 
 Horace. Yes — listen to the cough drop. (Chuckles.) 
 
 Seldom. Oh, pipe the joke. (Walks on Horace^s feet.) 
 Oh, I beg your pardon. Did I walk on your feet ? 
 
 Horace. Yes, but that's all right. I've been walkin' on 
 them all my life. 
 
 Seldom. Well, I guess you better buy a box of cough 
 drops. 
 
 Horace. Don't need 'em. 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER 5 
 
 Seldom. I know, but I need the money. Besides, you're' 
 the constable here. You buy and they'll all buy. 
 
 Horace. Won't do it. Never coughed in my life. 
 
 Seldom (threatening him). Well, you'll cough now or 
 I'll knock your roof oft'. 
 
 Horace (backs away in alarm). Look out. I'll call a 
 policeman. 
 
 Seldom (laughs). Listen. I'm here to do you good. 
 That goes two ways. I want to ask you. You don't dissi- 
 pate, do you? Not a fast liver or anything of that sort, are 
 you? 
 
 Horace (doubtfully). No — oh, I guess not. 
 
 Seldom. Think now. No bad habits or dissipation of 
 any kind? 
 
 Horace. Well, if you must know the truth, I sometimes 
 chew a little gum. 
 
 Seldom (laughs). My boy, you're all right. Shake. 
 
 Horace (grabs his whiskers protectingly with both 
 hands). I know I'm all right, but you're all wrong. Cough 
 drops in August. Why don't you carry a side line of seal- 
 skin earmuffs? 
 
 Seldom (grabs his hand and shakes it vigorously). 
 You're all right. I'll bet you've seen some of the world. 
 
 Horace. Well, I've lived sixty odd years now, and I've 
 been a keen observer of everyday things ; but in all my life 
 I've never yet seen some of the world. 
 
 Seldom. And what's that? 
 
 Horace. A square pill. 
 
 Enter May, R. She is attired in a pretty summer gown. 
 They both glimpse her at the same moment, and as she 
 crosses to L. they follow her with their eyes. She pauses 
 at exit L., turns, giggles, minks and coughs, ''Ahem," then 
 exits. Seldom starts to follow her. 
 
 Horace (grabs his arm). Hold on. Where you goin'? 
 Seldom. I'm going to catch that cough. (Dashes off.) 
 (Horace introduces song, after which he exits into post 
 office.) 
 
6 GRASS HOPPER CENTER 
 
 Enter May. She goes to post office window and raps. 
 Horace pokes head out. 
 
 May. Is there any mail for me? {Giggles.) 
 
 Horace. Not now, but there was. 
 
 May {giggles). What do you mean by not now but there 
 was ? 
 
 Horace. Well, there was a couple of post cards for you. 
 
 May. And where are they now? 
 
 Horace. My wife took 'em home to read and ain't 
 brought 'em back yet. 
 
 May. Oh, the very idea ! {Giggles.) 
 
 Horace. Say, what become of the coughin' drop chap? 
 
 May. He's gone. He departed in deep disgust, never to 
 
 return. {Giggles.) ^ ^ -. 
 
 ^ Seldom enters L. 
 
 Seldom {spiel). Good people, it's a little thing, a cough 
 drop, but it has wonderful possibilities. There are nearly 
 one hundred million people in the United States. Suppose 
 every one of those one hundred million people would start 
 coughing at the same time. Then, again, look at the babies 
 that will be born next year. Why, they're bound to have 
 a cough sometime or other. 
 
 Horace. By gosh, that's so. Say, what is the birth rate ? 
 
 Seldom. Why, mister, Barnum was right. There's one 
 born every minute. By the way. Who's your friend? 
 {Looks at May.) 
 
 May. I do not wish to know you, sir. {Giggles.) 
 
 Seldom. Oh, do have a cough drop. 
 
 May. But I have no cough! {Giggles.) 
 
 Seldom. Take one of these and you will have. 
 
 May {giggles). I wish to be alone. 
 
 Seldom. Well, you've come to the right place, all right, 
 all right. You could be alone here forever. 
 
 May. Ah, you do not understand me. Every afternoon 
 at this hour — {giggles). I go in bathing. {Giggles.) Look! 
 {Points off R. They look off R.) See that beautiful, spark- 
 ling little lake? {Giggles.) It's cooling waters bid me come. 
 {Exits R.) 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER 7 
 
 Seldom. Well you wait till Saturday and I'll take a bath, 
 too. 
 
 Horace. That gal's an artist's model. She gets $10,000 
 a year for posin'. 
 
 Seldom. Gee, that's some figure. Look out. She's comin' 
 back. 
 
 May enters R. and crosses to bench. Sits, glances at Sel- 
 dom and giggles. Seldom looks himself over to see what 
 she is laughing at, examining clothing, hat, then raising first 
 one foot, then the other, and carefully looking them over. 
 
 May. I say, young man. {Giggles. The men look at 
 each other and then at her, with comedy business.) 
 
 Horace. I'll be there in a minute, young lady. 
 
 Seldom. Behave. She said, ''young man." 
 
 Horace. Gosh, we never get too old for gals. 
 
 Seldom. Yes, I know. You old guys can catch 'em, but 
 you can't hold 'em. 
 
 Horace. Well, I may be old but I'm chuck full of en- 
 terprise. 
 
 May {to Seldom — giggles). I'd like to speak to you, sir. 
 (Seldom szvells up proudly, goes to May. He stands in 
 front of her with back to audience. Business pantomime 
 conversation. Horace leans out of window in an effort to 
 overhear. Finally comes onto stage.) 
 
 Seldom (laughs and goes to Horace). Say, this is funny. 
 She's looking for a sweetheart. 
 
 Horace {business of sprucing up, etc.). Well, I ain't 
 got a thing to do today. 
 
 Seldom. Wait a minute. This is a peculiar situation. 
 Do you belong to the Love Maker's Union ? 
 
 Horace. Belong to what? 
 
 Seldom. I see you are not a member of the Love Maker's 
 Union. Too bad. The young lady wants a union lover and 
 will pay the regular union scale to be made love to by the 
 hour. 
 
 Horace. Why don't you take the job? 
 
 Seldom. Because I'm a Walking Delegate of the Love 
 
8 GRASS HOPPER CENTER 
 
 Maker's Union, and Walking Delegates never do any work, 
 you know. 
 
 Horace (looks at May admiringly). By gosh, I'd like 
 to be a member. 
 
 Seldom. That's easy. I'll initiate you. (Horace makes 
 a quick dash for May, but Seldom grabs him.) No, you 
 don't. The initiation fee is $10. Cough up. 
 
 Horace. For ten dollars I can make love to that gal ? 
 
 Seldom. Sure. (Pulls out a small book.) Besides, you 
 get this book, containing complete instructions on the art 
 of love making, rules and regulations, etc. Are you on? 
 
 Horace. Let's see you stop me. (Horace hands Sel- 
 dom money, takes the book and goes to May. She is seated 
 on bench and makes room for him to sit beside her. He 
 sits. Comedy business.) 
 
 Seldom. Remember, you are now a love maker in good 
 standing. I am the Walking Delegate — 
 
 Horace. Yes, and you can just keep on a walkin*. (Sel- 
 dom starts to leave.) Say, Mister Walking Delegate, how 
 much do I charge per hour? 
 
 Seldom. You'll find full instructions in the book. So 
 long, uncle — and be careful. (Exits R.) 
 
 May (giggles). Well, commence. 
 
 Horace (fliistered — comedy business). Yes, ma'am — 
 wait till I look in my book. (Looks in book.) 
 
 May (knocks book from his hand). If I am to pay 
 to be made love to by the hour, you'll have to work faster. 
 
 Horace. Gosh, gal, give me a chance. I've only been a 
 member a couple of minutes. (Reaches for book on floor.) 
 
 May (grabs his hand). You don't need a book. I'll 
 show you what to do. Didn't you ever make love? 
 (Giggles.) 
 
 Horace. Yes, ma'am — 'bout forty years ago. 
 
 May. I know, but they don't make love that way nowa- 
 days. Take hold of my hand. (Giggles.) 
 
 Horace (takes her hand — nervous business). Yes, 
 ma'am. 
 
 May. Now squeeze it. (Horace takes her hand, places 
 
GRASS HOPPER CENTER 9 
 
 it on bench and gets on it zvith one knee. She screams.) 
 Oh, but you're a poor workman. You must take my hand 
 and squeeze it gently, then sigh loudly and look up into my 
 eyes like a sick cat. {He assumes a comedy pose and sighs 
 loudly.) You're getting along fine now. But that sigh 
 sounds like the 11:45 was on time. Now you may place 
 one arm about my waist. 
 
 Horace. Say, you know as far's I've gone I don't see 
 any difference in the way we used to make love and the 
 way you do it now. (Places an arm about her zvaist.) 
 
 May. Well, whoever heard of a Love Maker's Union 
 forty years ago. 
 
 Horace. That's right. By golly, I forgot. I get paid by 
 the hour, don't I? 
 
 May {giggles). Certainly. 
 
 Horace. Then I guess I better collect in advance. 
 
 May. Oh, but I have a charge account with the Union. 
 (Giggles.) 
 
 Horace. Gosh. I knew there was a catch to this some- 
 where. 
 
 May. Now you may kiss me. (Horace zvith elaborate 
 pantomime business of preparing to kiss her, but just as he 
 finally gets all ready to kiss her,) 
 
 Enter Seldom. 
 
 Seldom. Hey, just a minute. 
 
 Horace. Say, go way, young feller and let a good union 
 man earn his wages. 
 
 Seldom. You'll have to knock off work now. A strike 
 of the Love Maker's Union has just been declared. 
 
 Curtain. 
 
Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 
 
 ^'A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market.** 
 Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 
 
 BREAKFAST FOOD FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
 L. Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple 
 interior. Seldom Sells, a drummer for bottled spring water and 
 condensed milk, and Carrie Samples, a breakfast food demonstra- 
 tor, meet in a small freight office during a snow blockade. Once 
 they were friends, but strangers now; however, while appeasing 
 their hunger with their samples a reconciliation is affected. This 
 sketch is a decided novelty and one of the most choice morsels of 
 humor ever served. 
 
 THE CABMAN AND THE LADY.— Vaudeville sketch, adapted by 
 William D. Emerson; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 30 minutes. Played 
 a number of seasons with great success by "Emerson, Caffray and 
 Emerson." It is a scream. 
 
 A COLD FINISH. — Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L, Newton; 2 
 males, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: An interior. A 
 cheeky life insurance agent forces himself into the home of a 
 wealthy lady. Her attempt to get rid of him is side splitting. It 
 has an unexpected finish which is always a great hit in vaude- 
 ville. Really a two-part sketch, as the iceman has only a few 
 lines. 
 
 THE COUNTERFEIT BILLS.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
 Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. A long lost spJlor 
 returns and in explaining his absence to his wife, finds he has 
 steered into rough weather. As a peace-offering he gives her a 
 large "roll of bills" and she admits having a second husband 
 named Bill; however botji prove counterfeit. There is a dash of 
 wit and a foam of humor in the Old Salt's tale of adventures 
 that cannot fail to delight. 
 
 DOINGS OF A DUDE. — ^Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple interior. 
 Maizy von Billion, of athletic tendencies, is expecting a boxing 
 instructor and has procured Bloody Mike, a prize fighter, to "try 
 him out." Percy Montmorency, her sister's ping pong teacher, is 
 mistaken for the boxing instructor and has a "trying out" that 
 is a surprise. A whirlwind of fun and action. 
 
 FRESH TIMOTHY HAY.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. New- 
 ton; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Scene: Simple rural 
 exterior. By terms of a will. Rose Lark must marry Reed Bird or 
 forfeit a legacy. Rose and Reed have never met and when he 
 arrives Timothy Hay, a fresh farm hand, mistakes him for Pink 
 Eye Pete, a notorious thief. Ludicrous lines and rapid action. 
 Chance for songs and specialties if desired. 
 
 "We presented 'Fresh Timothy Hay' with great success." — 
 Frank S. Wildt, Lancaster, Pa. 
 
 GLICKMAN, THE GLAZIER.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. 
 Newton and A. S. Hoffman; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. 
 Scene: Simple interior. Charlotte Russe, an actress, is scored 
 by a dramatic paper. With "blood in her eye" she seeks the 
 critic at the office, finds no one in and smashes a window. Jacob 
 Glickman, a Hebrew glazier, rushes in and is mistaken for the 
 critic. Fun, jokes, gags and action follow with lightning rapidity. 
 A great Jew part. 
 
 "Under the team name of Herbert and Elliott we are making a 
 big hit with 'Glickman, the Glazier.' Tour 'stuff' is the best ever." 
 — C, W, Herbert, Spokane, Wash. 
 
 T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 
 
Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 
 
 **A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market.** 
 Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 
 
 THE GODDESS OF LOVE.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L 
 Newton; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. Scene: Simple ex- 
 terior. Aphrodite, a Greek Goddess, is a statue in the park Ac- 
 cording to tradition, a gold ring placed upon her finger will" bring 
 her to life. Knott Jones, a tramp, who had slept in the park 
 all night, brings her to life. A rare combination of the beautiful 
 and the best of comedy. Novel, easy to produce and a great hit. 
 
 HER HERO.— Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten Smith; 1 male, 
 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. To test her lover's courage, a young 
 lady pretends she hears a burglar in an adjoining room arid in- 
 sists that he shall investigate. He meets with a surprise which 
 is far from what the jesting maiden had anticipated. Rich com- 
 edy and rapid action. 
 
 "Used 'Her Hero' with great success for six successive weeks." 
 — Herman Nelms, Nashville, Tenn. 
 
 A HOME RUN.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry W. Osborne; 
 1 male, 1 female. Time, 15 minutes. A bit of baseball non- 
 sense introduced into a novel situation. "Inshoots" of wit, 
 "out-curves" of mirth and "drop-balls" of hilarity are put over 
 the "plate" in rapid succession. 
 
 HOT AIR.— Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten Smith; 2 
 males, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. Briggs and his chum after 
 a night out. Brigg's wife after an explanation. She finds their 
 lovely "fairy tale" simply "hot air" and they find themselves in 
 "hot water." Their ingenuity in extricating themselves from 
 the humid situation is most amusing. 
 
 is IT RAINING?— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton 
 and A. S, Hoffman; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 10 minutes. Otto 
 Swimorebeer, a German, Susan Fairweather, a friend of his. This 
 act runs riot with fun, gags, absurdities and comical lines. 
 
 "I have had expensive sketches, but your's beat them all." — 
 Gust Muech, Milwaukee, "Wis. 
 
 A MISTAKEN MISS. — ^Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten 
 Smith; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. The maiden expects 
 to meet a very sedate young man, which part he impersonates, 
 although he is quite the opposite. He also makes up as an Irish- 
 man. However, the mistake was not amiss for the mistaken 
 miss, as he proves to be her willing ideal. Strong plot, plenty 
 of "laughs" with opportunity for good acting. 
 
 MR. AND MRS. FIDO.^Vaudeville sketch, by Harry L. Newton; 
 I male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Mrs. Fido's husband and 
 her dog Bruno are sick. Johnson, a dog doctor, who is just over 
 from Sweden, is mistaken for Mr. Fido's physician, and com- 
 plications arise that create more disturbance than a mustard plas- 
 ter on a small boy. A great Swede part. 
 
 "We are now playing 'Mr. and Mrs. Fido' to crowded houses. 
 Big hit."— The Elhotts, Clay Center, Kan. 
 
 ONE SWEETHEART FOR TWO.— Vaudeville sketch, by Harry 
 L. Newton; 2 females. Time, 20 minutes. It is not recorded in 
 the book of Time when one sweetheart was sufficient for two 
 ambitious maidens. The dialogue and action in this sketch are as 
 magnetic as the breeze from an electric fan. 
 
 T. S. DENISON a COMPANY, 154 W. Randolph St.. Chicago 
 
Denison's Vaudeville Sketches 
 
 "A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market.'* 
 Price, 15 Cents Each, Postpaid 
 
 O'TOOLE'S BATTLE OF ANTE -UP.— Vaudeville sketch, by 
 Harry L. Newton; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Gil- 
 hooley wishes O'Toole to marry his daughter. To capture her 
 heart they invent a story of how O'Toole saved her father's life 
 in the battle of Ante-up. She puts to rout the scheming old 
 i-ascals and marries Timmy, her true Irish boy. It is a fusillade 
 of Irish wit and repartee. 
 
 THE POOH BAH OF PEACE TOWN. —Vaudeville sketch, by 
 Harry L. Newton; 2 males, 2 females. Time, 35 minutes. Joshua 
 is Justice of the Peace, Mayor, Insurance Agent, Attorney, Ex- 
 press Agent and Postmaster of a small village. Contains a quaint 
 sermon on the "divorce question." It is a decided novelty, with 
 an atmosphere of humor that will warm and delight the coldest 
 audience. 
 
 THE TIME TABLE.— Vaudeville sketch, by George Totten 
 Smith; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. Mr. and Mrs. Jangle 
 have missed the train. The naturalness of their ill-tempered 
 cross-fire will make one feel that he has intruded upon the pri- 
 vacy of a family jar and that he should suppress his mirth in fear 
 of being noticed and accused of eavesdropping. 
 
 THE TRAMP AND THE ACTRESS.— Vaudeville sketch, by 
 Charles Ulrich; 1 male, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. An actress, 
 home on a vacation, is surprised by a tramp who attempts to 
 rob the house. She simulates madness and thwarts his object. 
 A dramatic incident abounding with comedy. 
 
 WIVES WANTED IN SQU ASH V I LLE.— Vaudeville sketch, by 
 O. E. Young; 3 males. Time, 30 minutes. Arthur Alger, a city 
 chap out hunting, kills Benjamin Butterby's ox. To escape the 
 infuriated rustic, he runs into Solomon Simple's house and hastily 
 dons woman's dress. In this absurd disguise he finally escapes 
 from the two love -sick old rubes, Solomon and Benjamin, who 
 are the typical stage "b'gosh farmers." Mr. Young's plays are 
 all full of ginger and go. 
 
 Who's a Coward 
 
 By KATHARINE KAVANAUGH. 
 
 Price, 25 Cents. 
 Comedy; 2 males, 1 female. Time, 20 minutes. A young wife 
 accuses her husband of being a coward and to prove her point 
 arranges with a friend to play burglar and break into their home. 
 The husband, to vindicate himself, makes a similar arrangement 
 with one of his chums. A real thief appears, and both thinking 
 him to be their friend disguised, aid him in escaping with their 
 valuables. Dippy Hogan, the crook, is a scream and will rob any 
 audience of its gloom. 
 
 Countess Hate 
 
 By KATHARINE KAVANAUGH. 
 
 Price, 25 Cents. 
 
 A playlet; 3 males, 1 female. Time, 25 minutes. Two college 
 chaps assist Countess Kate, a noted jewel thief, to escape from 
 the police. She convinces them that the detective, who has her 
 cornered, is her huaband who has suddenly become insane, and 
 after she gets away they are convinced that they have been two 
 genuine "boobs." This beautiful and clever lady "Rafiies" has an 
 irresistible charm. Dramatic, humorous and lively. Played a suc- 
 cessful season in vaudeville. 
 
 T. S. DENISON £i COMPANY. 134 W. Randolph St., Chicago 
 
PENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 
 
 ParJtIal List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free 
 
 7 10 
 
 4 4 
 
 2 4 
 17 
 
 M. F. 
 
 [rial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2% hrs. 
 
 (25c) 6 18 
 
 Trip to Storyland, 1J4 hrs.(25c) 17 23 
 Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 8 3 
 Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 
 
 hrs (25c) 
 
 When Smith Stepped Out, 3 
 
 acts, 2 hrs... (35c) 
 
 Winning Widow, 2 acts, V/z hrs. 
 
 (25c) • 
 
 Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 
 
 FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 
 
 Price 15 Cents Each 
 
 All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 
 
 April Fools, 30 min 3 
 
 Assessor, The, 10 min 3 
 
 Aunt Harriet's Night Out, 35 
 
 min .• • 1 
 
 Baby Show at Pineville, 20 mm. 
 Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 
 Billy's Mishap, 20 min. ...... 2 
 
 Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 
 
 Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 
 
 Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 
 
 Country Justice, 15 min 8 
 
 Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 
 Divided Attentions, 35 min... 1 
 Family Strike, 20 min 3 
 
 First-Class Hotel, 20 mm.... 
 For Love and Honor, 20 min. . 
 Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 
 Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 
 Getting Rid of Father, 20 min. 
 Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 
 Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min . . 
 Hans Von Smash, 30 mm.... 
 Initiating a Granger, 25 mm.. 
 Irish Linen Peddler, 40 mm. . . 
 Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 
 Lottie Sees It Through, 35 mm 
 
 Men Not Wanted, 30 mm 
 
 Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 
 Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 
 Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 
 Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 
 
 Pair of Lunatics, 20 mm 1 
 
 Patsy O'Wang, 35 min. . ..... 4 
 
 Pat, the Apothecary, 35 mm.. 6 
 Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 
 Please Pass the Cream, 20 min. 1 
 
 Second Childhood, 15 min 2 
 
 Shadows, 35 min •• 2 
 
 Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 mm. 
 Smith's Unlucky Day, 20 min.. 1 
 Taking Father's Place, 30 mm. 5 
 
 That Rascal Pat, 30 mm ._ 3 
 
 Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 
 
 min 3 
 
 Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 
 
 Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m.^ 
 Two Gentlem.en in a Fix, 15 m.' 2 
 Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 
 
 6 
 
 3 
 6 
 ,12 
 4 
 8 
 3 
 5 
 3 
 
 M. F. 
 
 Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 
 
 Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 
 
 Wanted a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 
 Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of 
 
 Spades, 40 min 3 6 
 
 Whole Truth. 40 min 5 4 
 
 Who's the Boss? 25 min 3 6 
 
 Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 
 
 Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 
 
 VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES. MON- 
 OLOGUES. ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. 
 Price 15 Cents Each 
 
 Amateur, 15 min 1 1 
 
 At Harmony Junction, 20 min. 4 
 
 Axin' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 
 
 Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO 
 Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 
 
 Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 
 
 Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 
 Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 
 
 Coming Champion, 20 min 2 
 
 Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 
 
 Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 
 
 Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 niin.lO 
 Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1 
 
 For Reform, 20 min 4 
 
 Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min ..21 
 Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 
 Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 2 
 
 Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 
 
 Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 
 
 Home Run, 15 min 1 1 
 
 Hungry, 15 min 2 
 
 Little Miss Enemy, 15 mm.... 1 1 
 Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 
 
 Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 
 
 Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 
 Memphis Mose, 25 min....... 5 1 
 
 Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 
 
 Mr. and Mrs, Fido, 20 min 1 1 
 
 Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 
 
 One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 
 
 Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 
 
 Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 
 
 Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 
 
 Si and I, 15 min 1 
 
 Special Sale, 15 min 2 
 
 Street Faker, 15 min 3 
 
 Such Ignorance, 15 min. ..... . 2 
 
 Sunny Son of Italy, 15 mm.. 1 
 
 Time Table, 20 min ,. . 1 J 
 
 Tramp and the Actress, 20 mm. 1 1 
 Troubled by Ghosts, 10 mm... 4 
 Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 
 Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 
 
 Umbrella Mender, 15 min 2 
 
 What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 
 
 A great nuntber of 
 
 Standard and Amateur Plays 
 
 not found here are listed in 
 
 Denlson's Catalosue 
 
 T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers, 1 54 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 
 
POPULAR ENTERTAIN 
 
 Price, Illustrated Paper Coven 
 
 LIBRftRY OF CONGRESS 
 
 I 
 
 orciiy COMIC 
 
 IN this Series 
 are found 
 books touching 
 every feature 
 in the enter- 
 tainment field. 
 Finely made, 
 good paper, 
 clear print and 
 each book has 
 an attractive 
 individual cov- 
 er design. 
 
 A Partial List 
 
 DIALOGUES 
 
 AN Sorts of Dialogues. 
 
 Selected, fine for older pupils. 
 Catchy Comic Dialogues. 
 
 Very clever; for young people. 
 Children's Comic Dialogues. 
 
 From six to eleven years of age. 
 Country School Dialogues. 
 
 Brand new, original. 
 Dialogues for District Schools. 
 
 For country schools. 
 Dialogues from Dickens. 
 
 Thirteen selections. 
 Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 
 
 Over 60,000 copies sold. 
 From Tots to Teens. 
 
 Dialogues and recitations. 
 Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 
 
 For older ones. 
 Little People's Plays. 
 
 From 7 to 13 years of age. 
 Lively Dialogues. 
 
 For all ages; mostly humorous. 
 Merry Little Dialogues. 
 
 Thirty-eight original selections. 
 When the Lessons are Over. 
 
 Dialogues, drills, plays. 
 Wide Awake Dialogues. 
 
 Original successful. 
 
 SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 
 
 Choice Pieces for Little People. 
 
 A child's speaker. 
 The Comic Entertainer. 
 
 Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
 Dialect Readings. 
 
 Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
 The Favorite Speaker. 
 
 Choice prose and poetry. 
 The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 
 
 For pupils of all ages. 
 Humorous Monologues. 
 
 Particularly for ladies. 
 Monologues for Young Folks. 
 
 Clever, humorous, original. 
 
 ;ress I 
 
 Monol 017 401 142 4 
 
 D ram^tie^TrQrnuiiiunguw.i. ^ 
 
 Scrap. Book Recitations. 
 
 Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
 morous, descriptive, prose, 
 poetry. 15 Nos., per No. 35c 
 
 DRILLS 
 
 The Best Drill Book. 
 
 Very popular drills and marches. 
 The Favorite Book of Drills. 
 
 Drills that sparkle with originality 
 Little Plays With Drills. 
 
 For children from 6 to 11 years. 
 The Surprise Drill Book. 
 
 Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 
 
 SPECIALTIES 
 
 The Boys' Entertainer. 
 
 Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
 Children's Party Book. 
 
 Invitations, decorations, games. 
 The Christmas Entertainer. 
 
 Novel and diversified. 
 The Days We Celebrate. 
 
 Entertainments for all the holidays. 
 Good Things for Christmas. 
 
 Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
 Good Things for Sunday Schools. 
 
 Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
 Good Things for Thanksgiving. 
 
 A gem of a book. 
 Good Things for Washington 
 
 and Lincoln Birthdays. 
 Little Folks' Budget. 
 
 Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
 One Hundred Entertainments. 
 
 New parlor diversions, socials. 
 Patriotic Celebrations. 
 
 Great variety of material. 
 Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 
 
 Entirely original features. 
 Pranks and Pastimes. 
 
 Parlor games for children. 
 Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 
 
 Charades, and how to prepare. 
 Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 
 
 New and novel; for all ages. 
 Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
 ing Figures. For little tots. 
 Yuletlde Entertainments. 
 
 A choice Christmas collection. 
 
 MINSTRELS, JOKES 
 
 The Black-Face Joker. 
 
 Minstrels' and end men's gags. 
 A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 
 
 Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 
 Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 
 
 A merry trip for fun tourists. 
 Negro Minstrels. 
 
 All about the business. 
 The New Jolly Jester. 
 
 Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 
 
 Large Illustrated Catalogue Free 
 
 T.S. DENISON & COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St., Chicago