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GRUB MUDGE AND CO. 
 
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 Copy 1 
 
 A COMEDY 
 
 / BY 
 
 LUCAS HIKST, ESQ., 
 
 AUTHOR OF " SUDDEN REFORMATION," " THE FALL OP ELESIE," " THE SACK OF ROME," 
 " DISMAL SWAMP," ETC. ETC. 
 
 TOGETHER WITH THE STAGE DIRECTIONS, CAST OF 
 CHARACTERS, COSTUMES, ETC. 
 
 (As played at the Chestnut Street Theatre.) 
 
 SECOND EDITION: 
 
 REVISED AND CORRECTED: 
 
 TOGETHER WITH A PREFACE BY THE AUTHOR. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 STOKES AND BROTHER, 
 
 209 Chestnut Street. 
 
 1853. 
 
Tf>43^ 
 
 ,^1 
 
 mi 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1852, by 
 
 LUCAS HIRST, 
 
 in the Office of the Clerk of the District Court of the United States 
 in and for the Eastern District of Pennsylyania. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 T, K. AND P. a. COLLINS, PEINTEKS. 
 
EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 
 
 It seldom occurs in the history of dramatic literature that we 
 find gentlemen who are engaged in the active and laborious duties 
 of professional life, enjoying sufficient leisure to put forth produc- 
 tions of that description. The name of T. Noon Talfourd, at once 
 a learned jurist and the distiiiguished author of "Ion," is perhaps 
 the most remarkable instance of the kind which now occurs to us. 
 The comedy contained in these pages is an humbler instance, of a 
 similar character. The author of these pages is not a playwright 
 by profession ; but he evidently possesses a rich vein of comicality 
 and wit, which, bm-sting through the shackles of legal associations, 
 and of graver studies, has glittered forth in the sparkling and 
 brilliant coruscations which lie scattered, in frequent and rich pro- 
 fusion, throughout the following production. 
 
 Upon a careful examination of this play we were convinced that 
 its publication would redound to the author's credit, and we have, 
 therefore, urged him to consent to its immediate appearance, in its 
 present form. In 1850, the play was put upon the stage, at the . 
 Chestnut Street Theatre in this city ; and, as we learn, though hastily 
 gotten up, and badly cast, it was received with strong marks of popu- 
 lar admiration ; that it occupied the first place of the evening's per- . 
 formance, and that it took the audience by surprise, in consequence of 
 the many striking and humorous novelties which it contains. The 
 reader will here meet with passages of polished language and of 
 brilliant sentiment. There are many powerful hits at the weaknesses 
 of mercantile life, and many exposures of the meanness, the heart- 
 less selfishness, and the disgraceful perfidy which characterize, too 
 often, the conduct and the intercourse of men. 
 
 We are convinced that the literary and moral merits of this 
 comedy will gain in popular approbation, till it becomes one of the 
 standard and permanent favorites of the comical muse. When pro- 
 
IV EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 
 
 perly put upon the stage, as it surely deserves to be, it will appear 
 to great advantage, and will by no means be considered as a still- 
 born or an abortive production. We believe that it is now submitted 
 to the public in its original state ; and, unless we are very much 
 mistaken in our estimate of intellectual merit, this comedy fur- 
 nishes, in its leading characters, an untrodden arena, and an un- 
 appropriated domain, wherein the highest comic genius need not 
 disdain to put forth its noblest and proudest exertions, and in which 
 it may heighten the lustre of its most brilliant laurels ! In a word, 
 the reader will here find, beyond all question, a very comical comedy ! 
 
 It would be out of place to illustrate the peculiar merits of 
 this comedy, by quoting any particular passages which possess 
 superior merit. We will remark, however, that the leading cha- 
 racters are full of interest — are boldly drawn, and are highly 
 original. Of the comcedicB personm, we observe that Charles Snap- 
 per is a young, penniless, and worthless spendthrift about town, who 
 lives according to the modern maxim of ''going it on shape and 
 talent." His part is full of action, and he carries the piece through 
 by a novel expedient, which is gradually and beaiitifuUy unravelled 
 as the play progresses. "" 
 
 Mr. Grub Mudge is the principal spoke in the histrionic wheel ; 
 he is the leading and most essential character in the piece, and is 
 a very excellent representative of a large and important class of 
 every commercial community, who possess among their number per- 
 sons of very opposite principles and practices. He is one of the 
 better sort among them ; and those who resemble him, and imitate 
 his wholesome virtues, deserve the respect of every one. S. 
 
 Philadelpha: Dec. 10, 1852. 
 
PEEFACE. 
 
 The speedy demand that has been made for a second edition of 
 Grub Mudge & Co., warrants the author, while complying with the 
 request, in advancing a few remarks in justification of his play, 
 inasmuch as it has been the subject of wholesale personal vitupera- 
 tion. The scene lies in London, and there remains until its close. 
 Any one who has had the slightest knowledge of theatrical pro- 
 ductions, will find that the author intended that the merit of this 
 play should rather be pleasing than striking ; or, in other words, 
 that the busy activity of the plot and design would, without diffi- 
 culty, carry off all other imperfections ; and be overlooked by a 
 more rigid scrutiny into its merits. During its performance the 
 audience is kept constantly alive ; and, as the principal intent of 
 comedy is to entertain and afford the care-tired mind a few hours 
 of dissipation, a piece consisting of a number of lively, busy scenes, 
 intermingled with light easy conversation and characters, vfhich, 
 if not glaring, are at least not unnatural, will frequently answer 
 that purpose more effectually than a comedy of more complete and 
 labored regularity. Yet this play is not entirely devoid of merit 
 with respect to character, since that of Mr. Grub Mudge is well 
 drawn, and may be considered as a just portrait of a merchant of 
 the present age. Snapper is a fair impersonation of a young 
 modern go-ahead, living by his wits, and ready to catch at straws 
 as an auxiliary to fortune. And how many by such means have 
 been successful. 
 
 Tilbury, the aspiring clerk, is a part worthy of admiration, 
 because of the active part he shortly takes, although bemoaning 
 at first the hard fate that had placed him there. The truth is, he 
 becomes a very important personage without being conscious of it. 
 When he was placed in the house of Grub Mudge & Co., he was 
 put there like most young men of fortune are, of the higher order of 
 society (whose fathers, throwing aside foolish pride and prejudice), 
 to enjoy the profits and extend the limits of that commerce which 
 is the staple basis of the nation. Cicero has said that the same 
 people should not be at once the lords and factors of the earth : 
 "Nolo eandem populum imperatorem et portitorem esse terrarum." 
 And this opinion might be consonant to the principles of the Eoman 
 government, but that great statesman did not live in the enjoyment 
 of that liberty which now sustains, extends, and ennobles com- 
 merce. 
 
 Delia Mudge is a character thrown in as a means of inspiring 
 the ambition of Snapper, and by which Mudge' s reputation and 
 that of the house are sustained. 
 
 I did not intend to make "sowjos," or so far insult our worthy- 
 merchants, in whom the life of our existence is kept up, by placing 
 them in that category. And had the critics had half an eye, they 
 would have divined my object in putting them ia the position I 
 1^ 
 
Yl PREFACE. 
 
 have. Snapper manages to play upon tlie unguarded credulity of 
 the merchants, and hence effects his purpose. 
 
 The introduction of the words, ^^ Doctors' Commons,'''' was for the 
 purpose of giving a tone to the play ; it is also synonymous with a 
 law court, and has reference thereto, in the sense used, it being a 
 place where civil matters are heard. In one or two places I have 
 used it as a play upon words ; and by a reference to the regular 
 place where such matters are heard; and where employed, the 
 words are understood. Another objection made to this play is, 
 that Mr, Mudge, in his dialogue, says that certain goods were 
 marked paid; this is of freqtient occurrence in mercantile life. 
 Again, that the idea of the queen borrowing money in the manner 
 stated in the play, is objected to as absurd. In this objection my 
 critics have not displayed much reading. Had they just turned to 
 the most modern of dramatic authors, Bulwer, they would have 
 found the following passage : — 
 
 Id Sec. The affairs of England, sire, most urgent ; 
 Charles the First has lost a battle 
 That decides one-half his realm. 
 Craves money, sire, and succor. 
 
 Louis. Pie shall have both. Eh, Baradas ? 
 
 In other words, the queen means the government. But the great 
 point in dramatic representations is, to throw every material point 
 that has any link in the unravelment of the plot immediately 
 before the audience, on the stage, and not tell them of it. Now, 
 here it was more than necessary, as it is employed as a means of 
 decoying the merchants by the artifice. 
 
 Where the characters are real, the incidents interesting, the 
 catastrophe pleasing, and the language pure, spirited, and natural, 
 the play will then meet with fair patronage. The great point here, 
 is to show the absurdity of suspicion. But there is a class of 
 men in this city who are so barren of intellect that they find no 
 entertainment or knowledge in themselves or any one else. They, 
 however, have acquired a knowledge of the use of the most absurd 
 figures that I ever recollect to have seen on paper ; and these are 
 the yac/c-asses that write for the papers. True criticism is the ap- 
 plication of the pen to the paper, as the artist to the canvas, when 
 he marks out with his pencil the several applications of taste and 
 good sense ; and to distinguish what is faulty, and what is worthy 
 of admiration ; and in such a discrimination, the critic must keep 
 up the natural, pure flow, without descending, where his mind 
 fails, to the very lowest vulgarisms in order to make his figure 
 happy. 
 
 The remarks on Grub Mudge & Co., I am sorry to find, savor 
 of such a low emanation that the critic's breed cannot be mis- 
 taken. Hence, they "turn awry and lose the name of action." 
 
 We are informed by Aristotle, that unity of action in dramatic 
 composition is only necessary to judge of the excellence of the per- 
 formance ; because, what may be found fault with in the bureau, 
 will appear perfectly proper and consistent on the stage. I have a 
 number of plays before me that were condemned before they ap- 
 peared, many of which are now considei'ed admirable productions. 
 
PREFACE. Vll 
 
 An author, it is true, will compose in such a manner as will be 
 agreeable to the feelings of his readers ; yet, at the same time, 
 there may be loose objections found by those who are disposed to 
 be malignant, and attack the man and not his writings. We are 
 told that Homer was acquainted with no system, yet he composed 
 what all posterity has admired. He, however, is excused on the 
 ground that no human genius is perfect. But small critics in 
 everything will pick a flaw, seize an unguarded straggling outpost, 
 and imagine themselves in possession of the reins of his author ; 
 in other words, they steal a goose and give the giblets in alms. 
 Accustomed to reading one author, they plumb everything by it. 
 Down comes the rule and compass, and away they set to butchering 
 the angles ; and, after taking the length, breadth, height, and 
 depth — swear it wants the color, expression, grace, purity, learn- 
 ing, air, taste, and the grand contour of Shakspeare ! And because 
 we did not live in that age, or follow him, we are to be told that 
 we'll go down, down ! Drunkards, by Scripture we are informed, 
 go down, and that authors go up. Poor, dear man ; he read his 
 Bible far otherwise than we have. We have said that in comedy 
 there is nothing that renders it liable to censure, if there be a pro- 
 per unity of action and subjects, and that the unities of time and 
 place be as much as possible preserved, properly linked together, 
 and the stage not evacuated until its close. The critic would have 
 had me introduce vulgar, low expression, only to be found in his 
 office ; and where his low genius fails to afford him mean similes, 
 he gives the whole of passages, leaving the public to infer what it 
 is impossible for him to convey. 
 
 In those passages pointed out by the critic, I now propose to 
 prove them justly consonant in all, not only on the stage, but in 
 the closet. After the Erato skips the most pointed parts of this 
 play, he alights on page 24 ; and to this I shall now direct my 
 attention. Time may be said, figuratively, to tread, or pass, or it 
 may sweep over us like the waves, unheeded, until "the hour's 
 fate" of our destiny comes, when it is too late to recall what has 
 passed; we do not "see or heed it," and hence we are compelled 
 to meet it. And even in that sad hour, we dream of things we 
 hope to enjoy, while destiny is closely thickening around us. Then 
 it may be considered passed, and " so the joys that ne'er will come 
 again." We may also watch the burning of a lamp, and so com- 
 pare it to destiny. It is a simile from the Bible, aptly applied. 
 The soliloquy, also says, "yet in the midst of all this warning, man 
 fells man, and trifles with his rights ;" and then referring to what 
 has transpired in the pla}^ he saj^s, "reflect," or, in other words, 
 circulate the report of man's misfortune, and " all revel" in it; or, 
 that which "adversity" brings and enjoys it. The Duke de la 
 Rochefoucault has somewhere expressed the same idea, though in 
 difterent language: "There is something not unpleasing in the 
 misfortunes of our best friends." 
 
 On page 25 "audacity" may "flash," or appear, or be assumed, 
 or be exercised over man's judgment, and his weak or "melient 
 foibles;" and "assume a virtue" that "audacity" (man) wears 
 when others will (still having a reference to what has occurred in 
 this play) believe the report, or hang upon the breath (man) that 
 
Vlll PREFACE. 
 
 has circulated it, not thinking from whom and from whence it 
 came ; which will be soon mistaken for " wisdom, wealth, and 
 power," and so secure him *'all virtue and protection !" By taking 
 this view, and reflecting on what has been previously said and done 
 in this play, the passage is perfectly consistent and proper. And 
 so, Mr. Critic, return to the abode of Agapemenon, 
 
 *< Where great Pan, who with upcast eyes, 
 Then sighed for earth to lay his lair — 
 That wing'd as swift as seraph flies, 
 
 He would his spreading couch were there !" 
 
 On page 26, Scene IV., Tilbury soliloquizes on the subject of 
 Fortune. He speaks of how "she enriches her votaries," or those 
 who follow her; that she "flutters up and down, till at last her 
 merit (fortune) gives where least it is expected." An occurrence 
 which takes place every day. Again, speaking metaphorically, 
 
 " She jests — she raves — she wills — 
 She woos — yet seldom stays 
 To reap the harvest of her seed." 
 
 Now she may — she will lay out the plan of fortune in our minds, 
 which may be called " seed," yet not stay; or it (fortune) may fail 
 to bring us what we expected from the experiment. 
 
 " Mine was made of toys and impudence." 
 
 Refer to what Tilbury did, and you will find this line faultless. 
 "The most trifling scheme that you can forge," or suggest in a 
 "moment," by "accident," or that flies before you, i. e., in your 
 imagination ; or, in other words, when you behold a certain thing, 
 which you think, if quickly seized, caught, and shrewdly managed, 
 or that your natural ambition or activity of mind will prompt you 
 to try, will " oft respond prophetic," because you prophetize it will, 
 to your will. We often say we prophesy that such and such will 
 come to pass ; and so these lines mean to convey, that, by your 
 ingenuity, artifice, and the applying a certain something to use 
 (mechanical, if you please), it may, I prophesy it will, respond in 
 future ; or, "prophetic" to your will. 
 
 By the energy and impudence of Tilbury, he becomes one of the 
 first houses ; and, in the concluding portions of his soliloquy, he 
 tells you how he met with his fortune, and actually explains the 
 aforegoing passage entire, and to the satisfaction of even a casual 
 and unreflecting reader. 
 
 When the Editorialist said that this play was original in plot, he 
 spoke a verity, and meant that as it is here laid out it was novel ; 
 not that the same ground had not been gone over before — but the 
 manner of its development was original, A story in a play may 
 turn on "financial difSculties," and yet be travelled over in a way 
 far diff"erent from that represented in any previous production. 
 The critic, notwithstanding his objections to certain ideas in this 
 play, seems to have committed a great blunder in having confounded 
 Newgate with the Prison in White Cross Street ; the latter of which 
 is the only regular apartment where debtors are confined ; but the 
 prisoners may by habeas corpus be removed to the King's Bench 
 
PREFACE. IX 
 
 Prison, where better accommodations are afforded. In order to 
 avoid further objection (although I think in the sense used before 
 it was correct), I have altered the words ''Doctors' Commons" to 
 that of the Prison in White Cross Street. The critic's mention of 
 the word "pellucid," not a little staggered me (knowing his preten- 
 sions to college-scrubbings) — as that word strictly refers to features, 
 or material matter, and not letters. The use of the word "Dia- 
 phragm" is just as inelegant, inappropriate, and vulgar, as the words 
 "go it while you're young," as dignified by the critic's application 
 of them. The college Birch seems to have inspired this Oak with 
 an unlimited command over the use of words and countries, only 
 known to him in his dreams. Hence, he might well say, "we 
 should probably have to look in vain for a worthy comparison for 
 it" — for the bare mention of " Thebes" and the "Pyramids" would 
 raise his "special wonder" 'mid the clouded fumes of indigestion, 
 rising o'er his burnished head ! Whether his feelings arose from 
 over potations, or this enterprise, he has not informed us — more 
 probably, from the bundle of books under his arm (and not in his 
 head), as a clown bears a bauble, of which he knoweth not of; or 
 as the player did the pilfered verse — in his fuddling cap ! — 
 
 W^hen strange eruptions 
 Diseased by nature's phlegm, 
 Oftentimes breaks forth, 
 Unruly to command ! 
 
 Mention has been made of the extravagant manner in which the 
 Editorialist has been pleased to remark on passages that "lie 
 scattered throughout" this play. To this I would answer, that an 
 editor is never considered guilty of an indecorum in praising his 
 principal. How far he has erred in his estimate of those passages, 
 he leaves it to those fittest to judge — the piiblic. This play was 
 written by one of themselves, and whatever merit it possesses will 
 depend entirely upon their continued encouragement. 
 
 It has been said, great things were expected from the leisure of 
 a man who "turned aside" from the scene of professional life, and 
 retired to employ his mind in an occupation far different from that 
 of his existelice. I did not write for profit or reward, or with au 
 intention of taxing the press — but for amusement, and to oblige a 
 friend who had "bantered" me, I have, therefore, nothing to con- 
 gratulate myself upon, unless it be the malice of a hypocrite. 
 Wrapt in the midst of my business, I did not expect to put forth a 
 work overladen and strained with new ideas, to explain or direct 
 the operations of others. I have, however, illustrated and enforced 
 morality and justice; delineated the characters and passions of 
 mankind, because I thought the merchants here required it, and I 
 am content. I shall conclude my preface, for the benefit of the 
 critics, with the following happy quotation, which I think Isocrates 
 makes in one of his orations to the Sophists : " That it is far more 
 easy to maintain a wrong cause, and to support paradoxical opinions 
 to the satisfaction of a common auditory, than to establish a doubt- 
 ful truth by solid and conclusive arguments." 
 
 LUCAS HIRST. 
 
CAST OF CHARACTERS, AND COSTUMES, 
 
 AS PERFORMED AT 
 
 THE CHESTNUT STREET THEATRE, IN 1850. 
 
 GRUB MUDGE, a London Merchant. Full 
 
 black; short knee breeches; white cravat; cane Mr. Ellsler. 
 TILBURY, AN ASPIRING Clerk. Plain light 
 
 suit. Afterwards, straps, standing-collar, and 
 
 polished boots *' Richardson. 
 
 SNAPPER, A MAN ABOUT TOWN. Cross-barred 
 
 pants (fashionable); blue dress-coat and gilt 
 
 buttons ; cravat ; polished boots, and small cane *' Baker. 
 GRABEM, ONE OF the knowin' ones. Gray suit " Young. 
 BILLINGTON. Short nankin pants, long straps ; 
 
 umbrella, spectacles, and overcoat . . . . " G. Stone. 
 PEPPER. Black pants; white cravat; long 
 
 dress coat " Bayley. 
 
 CROWQUILL. White pants; black dress coat; 
 
 umbrella; specs ..." Henry. 
 
 BULL. Plain suit, dark " Lewis. 
 
 JOHNS. Nankin suit, cane, and long cravat . " Savage. 
 GUNNELL. EuU black suit ; white cravat . " Worrell. 
 SPINDLE. Nankin suit; umbrella ....*' Bowling. 
 
 SMALL. Gray suit " *Langdon. 
 
 CAPIAS. Plain suit ........." James. 
 
 CONSTABLE. Plain suit " Jones. 
 
 WRITALL, A Messenger. Tight-kneed yellow 
 
 breeches; crimson plush coat ; shoes, and large 
 
 buckles '' Calladine. 
 
 SYKES. Plain dark suit " Sparks. 
 
 DYKES. " " " Bates. 
 
 NEWSBOY. Ragged suit, and straw hat . . Master George. 
 DELIA MUDGE. White dress Miss A. Eberle. 
 
GRUB MUDGE AND CO. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene I. — A room in the Commercial House of Grub 
 Mudge & Co. Tilbury discovered sitting on a very Jiigh 
 stool at desk in c. Large pen behind his ear. Pens, 
 papers, books, &c., distributed. Maps, desks, gun above 
 desk, L. and C. Door on l,., second entrance ; also, door 
 in M. F., and wiJidow above, open. 
 
 Til. DoomM by fate to die with the consumption ! Driv- 
 ing this cursed quill all the days of my life ! What a stupid 
 old block my dad was, to direct in his last will and testa- 
 ment : "Imprimis; you John Tilbury, of Dorsetshire, must 
 become a London merchant, or lose my entire estate : in 
 which event, I bequeath it to the most dutiful of my family." 
 So much for the imprimis. And there's my mother, too — Lady 
 Tilbury, with a jointure of three thousand pounds a year — 
 indulging in all the frivolities of the age ', whilst her devoted 
 son John (in obedience to his father's will and that provoking 
 imprimis) is compelled to sit from morning till night, wasting, 
 like a ball of soap, in the accounting-house of Grub Mudge 
 and Company. [ Writing.'} I shall never finish this " Im- 
 primis !" pshaw ! bills of lading one should have said. Old 
 Mudge gives one no peace. Go here ; go there ; and be 
 sure and be back within five minutes, are the constant words. 
 Then, away I must go ; then back again to this " Imprimis !" 
 Here he comes ! [Enter Grub Mudge, L., in deep thought.} 
 Fifty-five bales of South-Sea cotton, at seven and three 
 quarters, to Cooper, Smith, & Pottington I 
 
 Mudge. [c] Monetary afi'airs decidedly in the decline ; 
 trade fluctuating; cotton low; probability of corn going up; 
 
12 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [AcT I. 
 
 hem! What an unaccountable and mysterious piece of 
 machinery this mercantile traffic is, to be sure ! All conjec- 
 ture ; all theory. Here we are ! up to-day — down to-morrow. 
 Oh, that all my affairs were amicably settled, my ships safe 
 in harbor, and that old Grub Mudge was once more fairly 
 seated at home, contented and free ! Alas ! this is not my 
 fate. Tempests, winds, rocks and water, hold my destiny 
 within their gripe ! — Tilbury, boy, hast been out to-day 't 
 What news upon ^Change ? 
 
 Til. Imprimis ! Dull enough, indeed, sir ; sad times ! 
 Sharp talking about Billington & Co. 
 
 Mudge. Zounds ! I have indorsed for that house — -and 
 heavily. Here's sad news, indeed ! 
 
 Til. Pepper & Crowcjuill, sir, hard run ; paper imprimised 
 at two, and knock' d off at three per cent. ! 
 
 Mudge. You amaze me ! 
 
 Til. And, as for Bull & Johns, sir, they are teetotally im- 
 primised ! 
 
 Mudge. Mercy on us ; we shall be irretrievably ruined ! 
 
 Enter Grabem and Capias, m. d. 
 
 Grah. [L.] Is Mr. Mudge within? ^To Til. 
 
 Til. There is Mr. Mudge, sir. 
 
 Grah. (c.) [^To Mudge, Tilbury observing 7[ Mr. Mudge, 
 we are here, in the discharge of a very unpleasant duty ; the 
 firm of Gunnell & Small has this day failed, and paying 
 scarcely five per cent, on their paper. You were found in- 
 dorser to the amount of three thousand pounds ; for the 
 which, the Spindles have placed in my hands a capias for 
 your apprehension and confinement. Our orders are impera- 
 tive ; therefore, pay the debt, or go with us to prison ! 
 
 \_Ta<pping Madge on the shoulder. 
 
 Mudge. Here is, indeed, a shock to the house of Grub 
 Mudge & Co. 
 
 Til. [^Aside.^ An imprimis ! 
 
 3Iudge. [^Aside, R.] One of the oldest houses closed its 
 doors, and left me without means to liquidate. Oh ! this 
 vile indorsement; behold, how it leads to penury and ruin, 
 and often to disgrace ! I have not a shilling in the house ; 
 all is on sea ! Should this affair be discovered, I am lost- 
 credit, reputation, all gone ! But, why this raving ? Have 
 I not pass'd by, without notice, many conflicts which I have 
 
Scene i.] grub mudge and co. 13 
 
 had to encounter in the commercial world ? Now caution, 
 without malignity, is only necessary to rise above this cun- 
 ning trick of the Spindles. They'd ruin the House of Grub 
 Mudge & Co. ! Shallow scheme ! How vain is man — void 
 of reason — involved in error — and ignorant of the true road 
 of business life. I shall use them yet, and with that supe- 
 riority which my reason gives me over them ! 
 
 Enter Snapper, laughing and taJMng as he enters^ M. D. 
 
 Sna,p. [l.] Oh, yes ! you^ll hear from me soon, wherry 
 soon ! — To have the impudence to ask a gentleman of my 
 fashion for the amount of his tailor's bill in the public street. 
 Who ever heard of such monstrosity ? {Loohing at officers.'] 
 Hollo ! Sheriff's officers ! So, I smell an enormously large- 
 sized rat : one of those critters that pick their company and 
 live at Doctors' Commons ! All is not well with this firm. 
 Now, the poet somewhere says : — 
 
 " There is a tide in the affairs of men, 
 Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune." 
 
 She hath, however, divers ways to enrich her perseverants : 
 to some, without deserving; to deserving, without honor; 
 and to others wit, without wealth or honors. Now, that's 
 just my case; and, strange to say, I never curst her for't, 
 except my tailor's fate ; and let me say that, practically, you 
 must never pay a tailor's bill, because it gives you an air of 
 fashion which you had not before. A tailor pursuing you is 
 indicative of note, and an evidence of your responsibility ; 
 whilst the patronage of ready-cash stores, unnoticed, the 
 melancholy of the tailor without the contingent expectation 
 of your bill (which always makes him melancholy), passes 
 you away, like the silent senator I could mention, who's only 
 known by the cash he extracts from the public treasury. 
 
 [ Crosses to R. 
 
 Mudge. \_Aside, observing Snapper.] Snapper here! I 
 like not this; and yet may he not be of use to me ? 
 
 Snap. [^Aside.] Yes, ^tis true; those cut-throats, Grun- 
 nell and Small, have done this. I know their object. Is 
 not this, now, a case that requires the acuteness of a Snap- 
 per ? Let me see. 
 
 Til. \_Mournfidly.'] Imprimis. 
 
 Snap. Mudge [aside'] has one of the most fascinating 
 2 
 
14 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 of daughters, whose destiny must be Snapper. Hard fate 
 that; too. Now the poet again says :■— 
 
 '' Wouldst thou win — 
 This must thou do." 
 
 So, then, to show Mudge how I can relieve him and save 
 the credit of the house. [Aloud.'] Is Mr. Mudge within? 
 
 Mudge. (r.) \_Adde.'] What does this fellow mean? His 
 levity will certainly ruin us ; but to necessity I must yield, 
 and hence redeem, by some glorious device, which, alone, 
 this fellow knows. Although no stranger, indifference may 
 enable me to clear the house of these hateful leeches of brief 
 authority. \_To JSnapper.'] Sir, I am that gentleman. 
 
 Snap, (r.) \_To Mudge-I Sir, I am pleased to find you 
 at home. [Then aside to Mudge.'] I understand all. Leave 
 this affair to me; Til get you out of it, on the honor of a 
 man, and with credit. [Aloud.] My name is Spillington, of 
 the firm of Payall & Co , of Liverpool. 
 
 Mudge. [l.] I wish [aside] he would pay my debts, then, 
 and relieve me of this uncomfortable situation. 
 
 Snap, [c] There remains from transactions between that 
 house and yours a balance, in your favor, of four hundred 
 and one pounds seven shillings and sixpence. I am^ there- 
 fore, instructed to close the account. 
 
 Grab. [Aside to Cap.] Thank fortune, here's a chance of 
 payment without being obliged to take this poor devil to a 
 sponging-house ! If we get the money, we make our pound- 
 age ; if we take him to prison, we're minus five pounds six. 
 Let them talk awhile. Oap'y, probably we'll bate the money. 
 
 Snap, (l.) [Aside to Mudge.] The hook's had a nibble; 
 see how they take the bait. Endeavor to effect an escape, 
 and meet me, without fail, in the next street. 
 
 Mudge. [Aloud.] M ost opportune ! My ships are all on 
 sea, funds are low, and these gentlemen [tvith a significant 
 look] are waiting for funds to convey to the new house. 
 
 Gap. Yes, Mr. Mudge, we are very anxious to be off, 
 as business will be brisk at the new house to-doy. Won't it, 
 Grabbey ? 
 
 Grah. You may be sure of that. 
 
 Snav. It is indifferent to me to whom I jDay it, so that I get 
 the receipt of G-rub Mudge & Co. [To Mudge, and aloud.] 
 Give me the receipt^ and here's the money. 
 
Scene i.] grub mudge and go, 15 
 
 [Placing Ms hand on his pocket, 3Iudge goes to the desh 
 where Til. is sitting. Discovers his eye-glasses are not 
 there. ^ 
 
 Mudge. Bless me, my eye-glasses I I have left them in 
 the next room. Here, Tilbury, write a receipt, whilst I look 
 for my glasses. \_Exit kludge, M. D. 
 
 Grab. L., Cap. L. \_Alarmed.'\ I say, Cap., we shouldn't 
 a' let the old codger go; if he plays us ^'fowl,'' we're in for't 
 — debt, interest, costs, and all. 
 
 Cap. lAside to Grah.'] This fellow. Pill— Pillington, I 
 don't like him altogether. Suppose, now, he should not be 
 Mr. Payall, it will become necessary for us to pay in. 
 
 Grab. We must keep a sharp look-out. \^To Snapper."] 
 I say, Mr. Pillington, don't you think old Mudge lingers 
 along, faith? 
 
 Snap. [^ Throwing himself into a chair near M. D,]] Pa- 
 tience is a forbearance to which I aspire. \_Aside^ Videlicet, 
 at tailor's bill. 
 
 Cap. [c] This looks suspicious. \To Grah.l Tell the fel- 
 low who we are, or, hang it, we'll not get off to-night. 
 
 Grab, [c] Mr. Payall, what's a use in trifling; it is ne- 
 cessary that we should come to an explanation. We are not 
 in the employ of Grrub Mudge & Co. ; that was only a ruse 
 to save his credit; we are sheriff's officers, here in the dis- 
 charge of our duty. We expect the settlement of our capias, 
 or Mudge must go — you understand? 
 
 Snap. Well; capital, plain, and open. A candid confes- 
 sion is good for the soul, and deception for the body, they 
 say. [ To officers.] Since you have been so ingenuous, learn, 
 then, WHO WE ARE. My name \_putting his hands in his 
 hack-pockets] is not Spillington [officers alarmed'] ; nor do I, 
 or any of our firm, which is numerous, owe Mr. Mudge any- 
 thing, except a good deed to a fallen man in distress, whom 
 you, and those who have employed you, would destroy, in the 
 vain hope they might profit by it, and ruin the credit of this 
 house- Yet our name is Payall & Co. ; that is, when we can. 
 By name, plain Snapper. 
 
 Grab. Snapper! What, Charley Snapper ? \_S. rises. 
 
 Snap, The same. 
 
 Grab. [To Cap.] Cap., we've been trepann'd. Here's 
 treachery and deception. Pursue the fugitive 'ere it be too 
 late! 
 
16 GRUB MUDGE AND CO, [ACT I. 
 
 [ Officers rush towards middle D. Snap, stands between j draw- 
 ing from his 'pockets two pistols^ and stands in an attitude 
 to fire ; presenting one at each officer, who arrange them- 
 selves diagonally. '\ 
 
 Snap. Not so fast ; let me make good my. word, and pay 
 all, without receipt. 
 
 Cap. Sir, we must do our duty ; we'll teach you what we 
 
 can do. [ Officers make another attempt. 
 
 Snap. Look ye here ! my name is Snapper, and this is 
 
 i\iQ pay-all I deal in, ha ! ha ! \_Presenti71g pistols at officers.'] 
 
 You see I don't require a receipt ! 
 
 Cap. Do you dare impede the progress of the law, sir? 
 This is high treason ! 
 
 Snap. I don't know anything about high treason or low 
 treason ; but this I know, that if either of you move one peg 
 Mr. Payall will post his books, and make a final account 
 of it! 
 
 Grab. Snapper, we know you ! 
 
 Snap. Yes, and I know you ; this pays for your barbarity 
 to my old mother ! Here, Tilbury, bring a rope and tie 
 these fellows ! 
 
 Grah. What ! tie officers of the law ; on your allegiance 
 we charge you ! 
 
 Snap. We don't know anything of allegiance in these 
 times ! [ Tilbury draws a rope out of desk, and advances ; 
 officers attempt escape, M. D,] Move but a step (these are 
 Colt's hair-trigger) and it will be your last ! 
 
 [ Til. ties officers and returns to desk. 
 Cap. This is trespass ! Look to it. Snapper 1 
 Snap. Catch me, if you can. Cap. ; recollect, I'm a des- 
 perate fellow, and never come unarmed ! [^Snap. passes at 
 them with his cane.] Oh, ye dogs ! trespass, hey ! Treason, 
 hey ! Allegiance, hey I ^Retires to Til. 
 
 Enter Delia Mudge, /rom r. advance to c. 
 
 Delia. I have been in anxious expectation of my dear 
 father ! Can it be possible that he is ruined ? Alas I I fear 
 all is not well. The paper gives a sad account of the . 
 
 Til. Imprimis ! \_Mour')\fully .] 
 
 Delia. Distress and disgrace will break his poor heart ! 
 [ Observes officers.] Mercy on us, there are those cruel, un- 
 feeling officers of White Cross Street ! All then, indeed, is 
 
Scene i.] grub mudge and co. 17 
 
 lost ; we'll be disgraced, and my father gazetted ! When 
 pleasure sparkles in the cup of youthful years, and rich, ver- 
 dant hope, see how she is robb'd by the conspiration of for- 
 tuitous events, and left perilous and alone ! 
 
 Snap. \_Advancing to C. Delia affects surprise.'] Think 
 not so; I came to speak comfort to that grief; bid it turn to 
 smiles, and wait content. Events wear not the face you 
 fasten on them. Fve seen your father, but now, and at my 
 solicitation, he went out ; I'm to meet him shortly. You see 
 I've secured these rascals to keep them out of mischief, until 
 means can be provided to put the firm of Grrub Mudge & 
 Co. on its feet again. I have pledged my word, and what 
 Mr. Payall says \loohing at officers] comes to pass ; hey, 
 Grab. ? \^To Delia.] Therefore, arrest your fears, to abide 
 the issue of my endeavors. If Snapper does not make good 
 his word, he will no longer look this way [towards Delia], 
 nor claim your approbation, but retire into some lone desert, 
 unworthy the notice of Delia Mudge ! 
 
 Delia. But should you fail, Charles, then we are doubly 
 ruined ! Thou know'st the sun's proud meridian must have 
 its sitting, and so may thy hopes. 
 
 Snap. [ Crosses to L.] Fail ! Fail ! think not of that ! I 
 feel within me a strength above all earthly doubt or appre- 
 hension ; a peace so reconciled to success that fail could have 
 no lodgment here ! Snapper keeps his word [looking at 
 officers], eh ! Grrab. ? [To Delia.] And will build up the 
 oldest and best firm in all London ; and should such be the 
 case, my dear Delia will not fear or dread to look on him 
 who longs to unite his fate with her's, and bless the hours 
 that conspire to make us happy ! 
 
 Gi^ab. If you serve her as you have us, there's great ap- 
 prehension. Look to it. Snapper, we'll have the law on you ! 
 
 Snap. Ah, Grrab., you may have it on me, and to me, but 
 never into me. 
 
 Grab. This is damnum et injuria ! 
 
 Snap. No, Grab., it's deceptio visus, debito justiciae ; you 
 see I comprehend your court lingo. By the bye. Grab., tell 
 old scullum Tempus I shall be down on him for nex' sherifi^, 
 and then you shall be Custo ! [To Delia.] And now, my 
 dear Delia, let time glide away untold, until the gay to-mor- 
 row of the mind brings forth such news as will secure eternal 
 2* 
 
'- 18 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 bliss ! It's growing late, and your father now claims my 
 attention ; let not sighs, nor tears, nor trains of grief work in 
 upon thyself until the morrow ! 
 
 Delia. Tve no reason to doubt what you have said ; the 
 generous spirit with which you have acted seems to sanction 
 the belief that your future presence will confirm it. 'Till we 
 meet again, believe me, I shall count the anxious moments, 
 in hopes they will more swiftly pass away. Heaven grant 
 you may be successful ! \_Exitj L. 
 
 Snap. [ To Til.~\ Tilbury, on your future prospects of pre- 
 ferment, guard your customers ; feed, clothe, and otherwise 
 treat them, as the law directs. \_To Grah.~\ Good-by, nolle 
 prosequi ! habeas corpus I fieri facias ! 
 
 I do not love you, Lawyer Jack, 
 
 Because you're officer of the pack; 
 
 You see ^om: papers are all a fudge — 
 
 Arresty you cannot, old Grub Mudge ; 
 
 And, when you hear a thund'ring clatter. 
 
 Know I 'tis Payall and Charley Snapper I 
 
 [Exity M. D. 
 
 Grab. Look here, Mr. Clerk, what's your name ? 
 
 Til. Imprimis. 
 
 Cap. Recollect, we were incarcerated against our will ; 
 you'll bear witness ? 
 
 Til. [^Aside, advances to L.] I suppose now I must learn 
 my trade. \_To Grah.J^ Witness! what's that? 
 
 Gap. Why, to testify to the Court what they did to us. 
 
 Til. I didn't see 'em do anything ! 
 
 Gap. Grab., this rascal's in the conspiracy to rob the law ! 
 Look ye, [to Til.'] didn't you tie me ? Were we not put 
 under duress vile ? 
 
 Til. You're vile enough, no doubt; but, as for the duress, 
 I can't testify. 
 
 Gap. \_To Grab.] Oh ! here's a condition to be in ! We'll 
 have no action ! 
 
 Til. Oh ! if you want action, I'll give you plenty of that. 
 
 [Beats them. 
 
 Grab. Oh ! oh ! This is battery. 
 
 Til. Oh ! you want to be battered, do you ? [Knocks 
 them about.'] [Aside.] A sudden thought strikes me. If I 
 could only get that capias they talk'd so much about, per- 
 
Scene i.] grub mudge and co. 19 
 
 haps it might save some trouble — a great deal of expense — 
 and turn to our account. Now I'll try the experiment. 
 
 [^Retires to hack of stage , takes doicn the gun, advances, and 
 commences loading it.^ 
 
 Grab. I say, Mr. Imprimis, what are you going to do with 
 that ? 
 
 Til. Shoot two rats that annoy the counting-house. 
 
 Cap. Oh, Lord ! oh, Lord ! We're done for ! What 
 will become of us ? That fellow will certainly shoot us ! 
 
 G^^ah. What shall we do ? [^Alarmed. 
 
 Til. Give nae that writ. 
 
 Grab. That we dare not do. 
 
 Til. What ! [^Pointing the butt of the gun ioivards them. 
 
 Grab. Stop ! stop ! Here it is in my pocket. [ Tilbury 
 takes lurit out of Grabem,' s ]pochet.~\ Take away that gun j it 
 smells of powder ! 
 
 Til. [Aside.'] Thanks ! thanks ! I have the process. Now 
 to ease the mind of old Grrub Mudge. \_Exit, M. D. 
 
 Grab. I say, Cap. ! We're in a terrible predicament ! 
 We'd better endeavor to break loose and make ourselves 
 secure, or we'll be ruined. 
 
 Cap. Faith, that's sure enough ! 
 
 [ Officers break loose, and search counting-house — finally go 
 to desk, L. H.] 
 
 Grah. What have we here? a box containing valuables. 
 We'll secure these. 
 
 Cap. Certain. 
 
 Delia. [Appears at window M.] What ! thieves in my 
 father's counting-house ! I'll watch them. 
 
 Grab. Let's open this desk. [Tries desk, L. H. u. E. 
 
 Delia. Thieves ! thieves ! Watch ! watch ! 
 
 Grab. Discovered ! We must make our escape, or all 
 will be lost ! [ Tries doors, finds them locked. 
 
 Cap. I see that we are in for't. We must make a despe- 
 rate effort to get out of this place. 
 
 Enter Constable and Assistant, m. D., followed by Delia. 
 
 Cons. Surrender in the Queen's name. 
 
 [Attempting to seize them. 
 
 Cap. [l.] Hands off! You may be compelled to answer 
 for this at the Sessions! 
 
 Grab, [l.] Sir, we came here in the discharge of our 
 official duty— to apprehend Grrub Mudge. 
 
20 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 Cons, [c] This is a late hour to do such work : the law 
 knows better. 
 
 Grab. That was our business here. 
 
 Cons. Then let me see your authority. 
 
 Delia. [R.] Yes; make them show their authority; I'm 
 sure they have none. 
 
 Grah. [^Aside.'] Cap., here's a fix ! What's to be done ? 
 
 Cap. [^Aside to Grab.'] Oh ! show them any writ — they 
 can't read. 
 
 Grab. [Aside to Cap.] Grood logic that, Cap. [To Cons.] 
 Here, sirs; here's the writ. \_Taking writ out of his pochet. 
 
 Cons. [Reads.] Tomscull versus Pumpkin, 1829. Why 
 this isn't against Grub Mudge, or any of this house. 
 
 Delia. I told you they had no writ; search them, Mr. 
 Constables : they've got my father's property about them. 
 
 Grab, and Cap. We'll not submit to be searched; we 
 claim our privilege. 
 
 Cons. [Searches them, finds a box of jewels on Grab.] 
 Hollo! what have we here? As I live, valuables. Oh! 
 you'll get to the Old Bailey sure, now! We'll have no 
 more talk now ; so, come along ! 
 
 Grab. We can explain this, all. 
 
 Cons, and Assist. We want no explanation ; come along 
 to the "Old Bailey." [Seizing them. 
 
 Grab, and Cap. Sirs ! sirs ! Mr. Constables ! Snapper ! 
 Grub Mudge ! Imprimis ! have done all this ! We can 
 explain ourselves ! 
 
 Cons, and Assist. No resistance, fellows ! We must do 
 our duty. 
 
 Grab, and ^ap. We will be heard ! 
 
 Cons. Justice Buggins will hear you, no doubt. 
 
 Grab, and Cap. We want our rights ! 
 
 Cons. Silence ! You'll soon be hung — and then it will 
 be all right ! 
 
 [Exit Cons, and Assistant, dragging out Grab, and Cap., 
 Delia following, M. D.] 
 
 Scene II. — Public Square — Merchants^ ' Change Place. 
 Eater MuDGE, R. Snapper, l. 
 
 Snap. Well met ! All, sir, has succeeded beyond my 
 warmest expectations. Your imprimis clerk is a fellow of 
 strange character, but a man of some parts ; see here^ finished 
 
Scene ii.] grub mudge and co. 21 
 
 what we left undone. During our absence, he compelled 
 the officers to disgorge the writ; and here it is [twirling 
 writ in his hand'] ; then closed and locked the door to pre- 
 vent their escape. The rogues, finding they were completely 
 outwitted and foiled, endeavored to rifle the counting-house 
 (in order to make themselves secure). Your daughter dis- 
 covered this, gave the alarm, and they are now safely con- 
 fined within the four walls of the Old Bailey, awaiting your 
 presence to prosecute. [Crosses to R., Mudge to L. 
 
 Mudge. Mr. Snapper, I do not know how I shall ever be 
 able to repay your assiduity in my behalf, in thus saving the 
 reputation of our house. 
 
 Snap. Sir, the bare mention doubly repays obligation; 
 happy am I in the conscious recollection of having achieved 
 so glorious a victory over your merciless and unfeeling cre- 
 ditors, who would endeavor to annihilate your power 'pon 
 'Change. But, sir, you have not completed your triumph 
 as yet ; you have a brother, I believe, coming over in a ship 
 from the Indies? 
 
 Mudge. I have. [Sorrowfully. 
 
 Snap. That ship, doubtless, is utterly lost ; although the 
 intelligence is not, as yet, publicly announced. 
 
 Mudge. [Sorrowfully.'] I have had such intimation ; but 
 what has that to do with my embarrassments ? 
 
 Snap, ril tell you: you first must perceive, it isn't 
 known ; of course, the Strand companies are not posted ; 
 therefore, I would have you, without delay, effect a life 
 insurance on your brother, in the sum of fifty thousand 
 pounds, in small sums at each office, in order to elude sus- 
 picion; this sum covers all your liabilities; in the mean 
 time, ril go down to the Old Bailey, report that business 
 'pon 'Change will prevent the possibility of your attention to 
 this matter for a few days, ^nd enjoin the justice to admit 
 no one to the presence of the officers; thus closing their 
 mouths until the firm of Grub Mudge & Co. is established 
 on a broader and firmer basis than it ever was. 
 
 Mudge. Your apt thoughts conceive a miracle ere 'tis 
 accomplished ; and your voice is an oracle to the afflicted. 
 
 Snap, [c] When I roll my miracles and oracles into 
 realities, then, perchance, I may merit a gift within your 
 power to give. Now, my dear sir, this is no time for senti- 
 ment; I see the merchants are about gathering, and I would 
 
22 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 not have them find you here. You to the life insurances — and 
 I to publish the loss of the Prince George^ and the windfall. 
 This will excite the merchants, create an alarm, and finally 
 secure their interest. Now, my dear sir, spare neither time 
 nor money to effect the insurance. Recollect, the honor of 
 Grub Mudge & Co. is at stake. \_Exit Mudge, l. h. u. e. 
 Vain schemer ! how thou prolong' st life ! How blest am 
 I with the hopes of the future, where all will be eternal joy 
 or everlasting sorrow. If this succeeds, I secure the hand of 
 my dear Delia. What a sweet moment of enjoyment! If 
 it fail — I am lost, and so are they. Think not of gloomy 
 minutes, sullen hours, or foreboding days; such cloudy 
 vapors but taint the meridian of my prospect — make fools 
 believe, and wise men are sure to rise. [Exit^ L. 
 
 Enter Billington and Pepper, r. Crowquill and Bull, 
 L. second E. Johns and Gunnell, l. h. u. e. Spin- 
 dle and Small, l. h. r. e. Shake hands, &c. &g. 
 
 Johns, [b.] How d^ye do? how are you all? How's every- 
 body ? Well, Spindle, how are the stocks to-day ? 
 
 \_Merchants advance. 
 
 Spin. Dull, dull. No bidders; market closed heavy. 
 The clouds seemed to portend a terrible revolution. 
 
 Pep. How stood the Corn-law Sixes ? 
 
 Bil. [c] Couldn't find out ; there appeared to be a desire 
 to smother everything to-day. The merchants looked know- 
 ingly, frowned, and said nothing. There was, however, a 
 terrible talk about the shipping; though nothing definite 
 * could be ascertained ; it has been withheld for some cause ; 
 probably to prevent a run on the bank. The Board of 
 Merchants, under the surveillant of the crown, are shrewd 
 men ; they know how to keep the market up. 
 
 Crow. Ay, that they do; by the bye, one of them is dead ; 
 did you not hear of it? 
 
 Gun. No ! Why, when did that happen ? 
 
 Crow. Last night. Poor soul, he's gone to his final rest- 
 ing place. 
 
 Bull. They talk hard of Grub Mudge & Co. 
 
 Spin. The noise was so loud about 'em, that I became 
 alarmed ; was advised to send an officer there to make an arrest, 
 and break up the shop, that has been doing us great injury. 
 
 Small. Grub Mudge is a haughty, insolent, proud, over- 
 
Scene ii.] grub mudge and co. 23 
 
 bearing man ; he crosses our path too often ; we lose money 
 by him. 
 
 Bull. He's always sure to be ahead. Fm for breaking 
 him up. 
 
 Spin. That was just my object in sending the capias 
 down there ', I think it will be a settler. 
 
 Snapper appears, l. h. u. e., carelesslt/ looking at houses. 
 
 Johns. \_Ohserving Snapper.'] I say, there's a fellow by 
 the name of Snapper. 
 
 Spin. Who is he ? 
 
 Johns. A man that has wit to ridicule you, invention to 
 form a story, and humor to keep it along ; when he has fairly 
 taken the town by the horns, he assumes a loose, familiar 
 air ', shakes your hand, and sighs for another opportunity to 
 waste his time and thoughts on. 
 
 Bull. I'm told he knows everything. By all means, 
 Johns, have him this way. We may be able to glean from 
 him much to our mutual advantage. 
 
 Johns. Snapper [^Calling to hijn]. I say, Snapper, how 
 are you? 
 
 Snap. [Advancing to c] Bad enough, indeed. My pock- 
 ets are minus twenty pounds. 
 
 Bill. How so? 
 
 Snap. Oh, don't ask me ! A draft on G-rub Mudge & 
 Co. They've stopped payment; gone to smash; blown up; 
 gun cotton ! 
 
 Spin. What, Grub Mudge & Co. stopped? Not closed, 
 certainly ? 
 
 Snap. Yes, sir, closed; locked up. 
 
 Spill. You don't mean to say they've failed — bank- 
 rupted ? 
 
 Snap. Grone to smashes. Their ships all lost, and not 
 a shilling in the house. 
 
 Spin. Oh, terrible I horrible ! I've just sent an execution 
 down for three thousand pounds. 
 
 Snap. [^To R.] Sorry for it; very sorry. Poor devils I 
 Can't pay one per cent. Just had it from their own clerk. 
 [Bnter Tilbury, R. H. Snapper, aside to Tilbury.'] You un- 
 derstand what to say. Becollect, if we succeed, you're one 
 of the firm of Grub Mudge & Co. 
 
 Spin. [To c] Well, Mr. Tilbury, what's the news? 
 
24 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [AcT I. 
 
 Tilbury. (^ToG.') \_Sorrowfully.'] Sad enough, indeed, sir. 
 Hard times these, to be turned out of G-rub Mudge & Go's, 
 without your wages. Fve been a faithful clerk there, and 
 now receive nothing but my dismissal. 'Tis hard — 'tis very 
 hard. 
 
 Spin. Think you they won't pay a per centum ? 
 
 Til. Not a halfpenny. Kept the books myself. Every 
 shilling's afloat at sea. 
 
 Spin. Oh, gentlemen ! the news is confirmed. "We shall 
 all be ruined. 
 
 Snap. Oh, if I had only a sufficient claim against that 
 house, so that I might claim the right of investigation with- 
 out suspicion ! 
 
 Bill. What would you do. Snapper? 
 
 Snap. Why, go down to the Board, and have the scoun- 
 drels arrested. I would make such a noise that the Board 
 would be compelled to give me a warrant of arrest against 
 them, and thus eflPectually ruin, blast their character, so that 
 they would not dare to start in trade again. 
 
 Gun. [Aside to Spin."] Spindle, sell him your claim; 
 His n't worth a rush. The powerful firm of Grub Mudge & Co. 
 once gone, we, Phoenix-like, rise from its ashes. 
 
 Bull. Go it, Spindle, whilst you have so excellent an op- 
 portunity. We can assist Snapper, and ruin the house. 
 
 Spin. I'll do it, if it's only for revenge sake. I say, Snap- 
 per, will you promise to carry your threat into execution ? 
 
 Snap. My word is sufficient. [ With emphasis.'] If I do 
 not get the money, of which there is but very little proba- 
 bility, you may depend upon my action. 
 
 Spin. Enough. What will you give for it ? 
 
 Snap. [Considering.'] Why, I ought to have it for no- 
 thing. Let me see. I'll give fifty pounds. 
 
 Spin. It's a bargain. Here's the claim — their own note. 
 
 [Handing note. 
 
 Snap. And here's the money. [Snapper takes note, and 
 gives Spindle money.] Gentlemen, you all understand the 
 conditions ? 
 
 All. We do; we do. 
 
 Gun. Here comes G-rub Madge. He looks sad enough, 
 indeed. 
 
 Snap. [Aside.] (l.) Not so sad as you may imagine. 
 Still rankles in his side the fatal revenge. He throws a veil 
 
Scene ii.] grub mudge and co. 25 
 
 over misfortunes, rather than ruin his cause by circulating 
 'em. Gentlemen, I stand aside. ' \_Snapper retires. 
 
 Enter MuDGE, dressed in deep hiachj R. H. 
 
 Mudye. \To c] Grood-morning, gentlemen. 
 
 8pin. \Aside?^ How devilish polite the old rascal is ! 
 • Mudge. Mr. Pepper, have you paid those notes I indorsed 
 for you ? 
 
 Pep. \Adde7\ How infernal cross ! \To Mudge^ Not due 
 till to-morrow, sir. 
 
 Mudge. Well, look to it, or you'll hear from me. \To 
 CrowquHl.'] Mr. Crowquill, I shall expect you to toe the 
 mark. [ To Gunnell.'] Mr. G-unnell, have you sent down that 
 lot of cotton I purchased from you iio my warehouse? 
 
 Gun. I have not, sir. 
 
 Mudge. If it is not there to-day, sir, you shall hear from 
 me. \_Snap)per advances. 
 
 Bill. \_To Snapper."] Snapper, now's your chance; at him. 
 
 Snap. Never fear, Til touch him now. [?b Mudge.'] Mr. 
 Mudge, I hold in my hand a small note. Shall I trouble 
 you for payment ? 
 
 Mudge. Certainly, sir. The firm of Grrub Mudge & Co. 
 never refuses payment whenever it m^y be demanded. 
 \^Mudge takes out his pocket-hook, and pay s Snapper money . 
 
 Spin. \_Alarmedr\ Tve been duped. Here's trickery. 
 What can be the meaning of all this? 
 
 Gun. 'Tis strange. There must have been a windfall. 
 Snow is plenty. 
 
 \_Merchants converse together, and appear alarmed. 
 
 Enter Newsboy, l. h. u. e. 
 
 Neimhoy. London Times ! London Times ! G-reat news I 
 
 \_Merchants gather round Newshoy and purchase papers. 
 
 [Exit Newsboy, L. H. 
 
 Gun. Look for shipping, misfortunes, and London items. 
 
 Pep. \_To L.H.] Hollo! What's this? {Beads.] "Fatal 
 
 disaster. — The splendid ship Prince George, discharged 
 
 from this port by Grub Mudge & Co., was wrecked in the 
 
 terrible storm of the 17th ultimo. Every hand on board 
 
 perished. We learn, however, that the firm is perfectly safe, 
 
 having effected an insurance, in divers ofiices, to the amount 
 
 of fifty thousand pounds." 
 
 3 
 
26 GRUB MUDGE AND 00. [ACT I. 
 
 All. Fifty thousand pounds ! \_Great confusion. 
 
 Enter Messenger, l. h. u. e. 
 
 Mess. Have I tlie honor of meeting Mr. G-rub Madge ? 
 
 Mudge. Sir, that is my name. 
 
 3Iess. Her Majesty bids me hail you as member of her 
 Board of Merchants. 
 
 All. What, member of the Board of Trade I 
 
 Mess. She also craves the loan of one hundred thousand 
 pounds, to meet the foreign exigency. 
 
 Mudge. Sir, tender her Majesty my profound submission 
 to all her commands. 
 
 Bill. What a trap weVe been caught in ! 
 
 Mess. She also bids me hail you as Baron Grub Mudge, 
 to which title be pleased to accept the royal signet. 
 
 [Ilctnding a papei- to Mudge. 
 
 All. Baron Grub Mudge ! 
 
 Mudge. Tilbury, take this gentleman down to the account- 
 ing-house, and see that he's paid twenty pounds. 
 
 Mess. My lord, I do not expect 
 
 Mudge. Nay, sir, I insist. Say to her Majesty that the 
 money shall be deposited this day, if she desires it. 
 
 [Exit Tilbury and, 31'essenge?\ 
 
 Pep. We shall be all hung, drawn, and quartered ! 
 
 Gun. [BoiDirig to Mudge.^ My lord [asidej, I'll send 
 down that corn to-day. 
 
 Mudge. 'Tis well, sir. [Exit Gun., r. 
 
 Pep. [Aside, and unobserved.'] My lord, I have one thou- 
 sand pounds ; would you be pleased to use it till wanted ? 
 
 [Giving M. money. 
 
 Mudge. Certainly, sir, I never forget my business. 
 
 [Exit Pepper, L. 
 
 Bull. [Aside, and unohserved.'] My lord, here are drafts 
 on Liverpool for three thousand pounds; see to the collection 
 of them. [Giving drafts to J/., exit, R. 
 
 Johns. [Aside, and unohserved.'] My lord, I hold Win- 
 gate's notes; have them paid to you. 
 
 [Giving him notes, exit, L. H. u. E. 
 
 Bill. [Aside, and tinohserved.] My lord, I have 450 bales 
 of South-sea cotton at 6|; will your lordship purchase? 
 
 Mudge. Is it fresh ? 
 
 Bill. Just arrived. 
 
 Mudge. Well, consign it to Poperil], at Liverpool, for me ; 
 
Scene ii.] grub mudge and go. 27 
 
 and be sure to ejBfect an insurance in my name, and let me 
 have the policy immediately. 
 
 Bill. It shall be done, my lord. [^Ejcit, R. H. u. E. 
 
 Grow. Spin. Small. Grood-day, your lordship. 
 
 [Boioing, exeunt^ R. H. U. E. 
 
 Mudge. So it seems men are esteemed by the marks of 
 royal favor and wealth set upon 'em, and never respected for 
 intrinsic worth. Counterfeit honor is a current coin, lifted 
 by the floating capitalist ; whilst true worth, when clothed 
 with reverse, sinks deeper in the frightful abyss of oblivion. 
 I weigh the man, not his title; 'tis not the Queen's stamp 
 can make the man better or sounder, though it may make 
 him more current. Dress and title are shadows that come 
 and pass by the same revolution of time. Yesterday, I was 
 supposed to be a beggar ; to-day, the title of baron makes me 
 rich, honored. In the next street, there is many a clerk, 
 had he the impetus of one sparkling ray of light from his 
 employer, 'twould make him an honor to our city. The 
 enterprise of our neighbor, Liverpool, has made her what she 
 is; whilst her sister city is creeping along by the slow tide of a 
 still river. 'Tis not her harbor, 'tis enterprise and internal im- 
 provement that have lifted her to the imposing site she now 
 occupies. Snapper, what I have this day witnessed aston- 
 ishes me ; you are a man of greater parts than I took you 
 for. 
 
 Snap, [l.] You may now buy a whole kingdom without 
 a letter of credit. 
 
 Mudge. But, sir, where is this to end ? 
 
 Snap. You, sir, need have no apprehension ; you said 
 nothing, did nothing, promised nothing but what you can 
 perform; and as for me, why, I can steer my bark to 
 Erin's Isle. ■ ^ ^To^. 
 
 Enter Delia, l. h. 
 
 Delia, [l.] My dear father, you stayed so long I feared 
 something had really happened. 
 
 Mudge. [jTo l.] My dear child, all is now well. My ab- 
 sence was unavoidable ; could I recount what has happened, 
 absence were a pleasure indeed. And, now 'tis over, I sigh 
 for the rest of heart and pleasure only felt at home. 
 
 Delia. My heart is too full to give utterance to the joy I 
 feel at the thought that home again will be a sure solace ! 
 
28 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 Mudge. \_To c] To-morrow tlie firm will be open under 
 new auspices, which will do honor to the veteran house. 
 
 Snap. [ To L.] And now that everything begins to look 
 with a new face, mj Delia will not forget how dear she is to 
 me ! that my soul is in her existence and our union ! 
 
 Mudge. Lock'd in each other's love, the banquet of con- 
 solation you have made for me willingly gives what my heart 
 dares not refuse ; and so, in the hour of marriage, ends my 
 reign, and all I have goes with it. [Locks their hands. 
 
 Snap. Let no foul aspersions fall upon this scene ; but 
 in this sweet embrace [ew&race] be a pledge of my fidelity ! 
 Sir [to Mudge], I find I'm still a heavy debtor to your house, 
 and could the firm of Payall & Co. disgorge its till, it would 
 most willingly empty its contents before you ! You have its 
 heart, if you have not their money ! 
 
 Mudge. This moment satisfies me that peace and concord 
 are preferable to dignity and power. But come, my children, 
 we'll now go home. 
 
 Snap. Some business down the street will engage my 
 attention for a few moments, when I will be with you ; until 
 then farewell; thou brightest prospect of my life I 
 
 [Exit, Mudge and Delia,, L. 
 
 Snap. [Solus.'] Time in its measured tread 
 Sweeps o'er us like the waves 
 Roird in the awful surge ; 
 Naught heeds," naught sees, till hours' 
 Fate that comes upon ; 
 When, sadly, all is pass'd. 
 Why dream we of the light 
 When clouds have thicken 'd o'er 
 The palmy life of bliss ? 
 The dream is pass'd, and with it fled 
 Joys, that ne'er will come again ! 
 Upon the flickering lamp 
 I've often mark'd the spark 
 Until it died away. 
 And such is life ; yet man 
 Fells man, and trifles with his rights ; 
 And hence it ever is : 
 Reflect a clouded shade 
 Upon a man, and then 
 
Scene in.] grub mudge and go. 29 
 
 All revel in the charms 
 
 Adversity in others bring. 
 
 But when audacity 
 
 Flashes 'twixt man's judgment and 
 
 His melient foibles, 
 
 Assumes a virtue that 
 
 It seldom wears, how they ^ 
 
 Hang upon that breath, 
 
 Regardless whence it came j 
 
 Then subtlety, soon mistaken 
 
 For wisdom, wealth, and power ; 
 
 Whilst daring impudence 
 
 Secures him all 
 
 Virtue and protection ! \_Exit, L. h. u. e. 
 
 Scene III. — Another Street in London. Enter \Jiastily] 
 
 BiLLINGTON, L. PePPER, R. CrOWQUILL, L. H. U. E. 
 
 Bull, l. h. u. e. Johns, l. 2d e. Gunnell, r. h. 
 2d e. Spindle, l. 
 
 Gun. [c] Have you heard the news ! Euined ! Buined ! 
 All humbug ! Grub Mudge isn't worth a doit ! His insu- 
 rance was effected two weeks after the accident happened ! 
 
 Pep. [l.] Nor is he Baron Grub Mudge ! 
 
 Crow, [r.] Nor member of her Blajesty's Board of Trade ! 
 
 Bull, [l.] Nor did the Queen request the loan of a hun- 
 dred thousand pounds of him ! 
 
 Johns, [r.] Nor has the old Grub failed, but is actually 
 paying off his debts in our coin ! Fools that we were ! Duped, 
 duped I 
 
 Gun. Oh ! My eight hundred bushels of corn I 
 
 Fep. Oh ! My thousand pounds ! 
 
 Bull. Oh ! My drafts on Liverpool for three thousand 
 pounds, English currency ! 
 
 Johns. Oh ! My Wingate notes ! 
 
 Bill. Oh ! My four hundred and fifty bales of South-sea 
 cotton, at 6f 3 and the old codger had the daring impudence 
 to ask me if it was fresh, too ! 
 
 Gun. This is treason against the Crown ! 
 
 Pep. He assumed the Queen's name and title ! 
 
 BUI. He conspired to rob us ! 
 
 Spin. Swear to be revenged ! 
 3^ 
 
30 GRUB MXJDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 [^All duster round Spindlej and hold up canes and um- 
 brellas. '\ 
 
 Gun. As I live, here he comes, or his ghost ! 
 
 [Enter Grub Mudge^ L. — merchants attach him — he par- 
 ries them off loith his cane.'] 
 
 Mudge. [c] Off! oiF! I say. Dam'me, you're worse 
 than bees! 
 
 Pep. [To Mudge.'] Where's my thousand pounds? 
 
 Bull. [To Mudge.] And where's my drafts on Liverpool? 
 
 Johns. [To Mudge.] And where's my Wingate notes? 
 
 Bill. [To Mudge-] And, my four hundred and fifty hales 
 of South-sea cotton ? fresh ! fresh, sir ! 
 
 Gun [To Mudge.] And my eight hundred bushels of 
 corn? 
 
 Mudge. [Enraged.] Grone to the devil, I hope ! Silence ! 
 Silence ! you dogs ! I'm no monster ; nor have I five ears ! 
 One at a time, and hearken to me. I do no business in the 
 public street; come, in an hour, to the firm of Tilbury & Co., 
 and I'll meet you all there; this is no place for business. 
 
 Gun. Tilbury & Co. ! I never heard of such a firm; 
 here's another juggle; I'm certain there's no such place of 
 business in all London. 
 
 Mudge. Yes, sir; the firm of Tilbury & Co. is in exist- 
 ence, and now the first in point of wealth in this country. 
 And, let me tell you, gentlemen, you may consider it an 
 honor to be known by the house. 
 
 Gun. We shall, when we know there is such a house. 
 
 Mudge. You shall be assured of that. 
 
 Pep. How may we? 
 
 Mudge. By calling at the old firm of G-rub Mudge & Co. 
 Gentlemen, fare you well ; I shall expect you. 
 
 [Exit Mudge, R. 
 
 Scene IY.— Commercial house of Grub Mudge & Co. Desks, 
 chairs, papers, books, tables, &c. Doors L. H. R. H. 
 
 Enter Tilbury, r. 
 Til. (c.) [Soliloquizing.] Fortune doth enrich her vota- 
 ries by such strange devices : fluttering up and down, till at 
 last her merit gives where least it is expected. ^ 
 
 She jests — she raves — she wills — 
 She woos — yet seldom stays 
 
Scene iv.] grub mudge and co. 31 
 
 To reap the harvest of her seed. 
 
 Mine was made of toys and impudence ; 
 
 The most trifling scheme 
 
 That human wit can forge 
 
 By the common accident of a passing moment, 
 
 Or that flies before a breath of wind — 
 
 When quickly caught, and shrewdly managed, 
 
 Or that ambition dares put in practice — 
 
 Will oft respond prophetic to our will. 
 
 Now my fortune must have reared its head when nature 
 prompted me to use that musket with such unparalleled and 
 decisive effect. Now, what would my old lady say, if she 
 were here to see how her son John has risen (from a poor 
 counter-hopper) a member of one of the largest firms in all 
 London ? John Tilbury & Co. I So much for faith and 
 fidelity. I entered this place a stripling, and without the 
 least exertion became a man of some importance (I fancy) in 
 the community ! \_Draioing himself tip.'] If Mrs. Tilbury 
 was to come down here and call me John, I should certainly 
 go into hysterics I I should say : Madam ! you mistake ; I 
 am Mr. John Tilbury, of the great house of Tilbury & Co., 
 of Cheapside by the way, London. Then the old lady would 
 look aghast — fall into a fit — and forget herself, 
 
 \_To L. Struts up and down. 
 
 Enter Mudge, r. 
 
 Mudge. [c] Johnny, my boy, get me a chair; G-rub 
 Mudge is growing old ! 
 
 Til. [Aside.'] " Johnny, my boy V — I think, he ought to 
 c|ill me Mr. Tilbury ! He forgets my eminent position ! 
 John Tilbury & Co. 1 \_Gets 3Iudge a chair. 
 
 Mudge. [Sits.'] There's a good boy ! 
 
 Til. [Aside.] Boy ! Damn it, he don't see my straight 
 collar ! And straps, too ! 
 
 Mudge. When you have striven as many years as I have 
 in the toilsome life of mercantile traffic, you'll reflect upon 
 the importance of promptitude and attention ; a good con- 
 science; and useful, not only to yourself, but mankind; 
 constant in the tenor of your conduct ; in the evenness of 
 your temper ; steady and patient in business ; nor pass over 
 an affair, until examined and understood ; careful to engage 
 
32 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 too hastily in affairs, or hearken to the too busy informer ; 
 but inspect the actions and characters of men with fairness, 
 and without suspicion or timidity, seldom fails to secure 
 wealth ! 
 
 Til. \Adde^ Sound, and well rendered ! 
 
 Mudge. And who have been here, Johnny, for me ? 
 
 Til. No one, sir; except on affairs of business with the 
 ^^ new firm P' Hem! 
 
 Mudge. [Rising.'] (Toiu.) What may pass here to-day, Mr. 
 Tilbury, must be like unto a wild bird in a cage, whose door is 
 closed against the world ! The secrets of your master gains 
 the credit of him you serve and the approbation of mankind ! 
 
 Enter BiLLiNGTON, Pepper, Crowquill, Bull, Johns, 
 
 GrUNNELL, and Spindle (r.), followed hy Sykes and 
 Dykes. 
 
 G-entlemen, I promised to assure you of the existence of the 
 new firm of Tilbury & Co. Allow me to present you ] Mr. 
 Tilbury, you ; gentlemen, this is the head of John Tilbury 
 & Co. ! To be acquainted, would be to your advantage ! 
 
 All. Mudge's clerk ! 
 
 Gun. The man "who" was turned off, without his wages! 
 
 Til. At your service ! 
 
 Mudge. The reward of fidelity ! 
 
 Gun. A conspiracy, under the- new law, to put property 
 out of the reach of creditors ! 
 
 Johns. [Aside to Pep.'] This is dodging ; I have Sykes and 
 Dykes here to arrest; bring the old devil to't, or we'll be 
 cozened again ! 
 
 Pep. Mr. Mudge, we did not come here to trifle or waste 
 time ; I have prepared myself with process ; and we are 
 determined now to have justice done us ! 
 
 Mudge. Who dares speak thus in my own house ? Look 
 to it ! I charge those officers, before they take the responsi- 
 bility, to be satisfied they have just grounds for my appre- 
 hension ! 
 
 Sykes. We know our duty too well for that ! We'll not 
 move a peg until we're satisfied they can make good their 
 charge ! 
 
 Dykes. That we won't ! 
 
 Mudge. [c] Now, Mr. Pepper, you appear to be fore- 
 most ; what have you against me ? 
 
Scene iv.] grub mudge and co. 33 
 
 Pep. [^To c] A thousand pounds^ I gave you to keep for 
 me ! 
 
 Gun. \_Adde.'] Yes ! and be will keep it for you ! 
 
 Mudge. Prove it, sir, and here's the money ! 
 
 Pep. [Astonislied.'] What ! did no one see me give him a 
 thousand pounds ? \_To "R,. 
 
 All. No ! no ! 
 
 Mudge. Mr. Bull, your turn comes next ! 
 
 Bvdl. \_To c] My drafts on Liverpool for three thousand 
 pounds ! 
 
 Mudge. Well, sir ! 
 
 Bull. I can prove you presented them ! 
 
 Mudge. You forget, sir, that possession is the evidence of 
 payment for negotiable instruments. 
 
 Bidl. Oh ! Tm a ruined man ! [Rushes up stage. 
 
 Mudge. Mr. Johns, what have you to say ? 
 
 Johns. \_To c] The Wingate notes, drawn by Wingate to 
 my order, and indorsed by me and by you, and sold to Spill- 
 man & Co. 
 
 Mudge. I refer you, sir, to my answer to Mr. Bull. 
 
 Johns. Oh ! oh I oh ! \_Rushes to r. 
 
 Mudge. Mr. Billington, I'll hear your demand ! 
 
 Bill. [To c] [Nervous.'] Four hundred and fifty bales of 
 South-sea cotton at 6f ; fresh, sir, fresh ! Consigned, sir, 
 to Liverpool, sir ! 
 
 Mudge, When the insurance was effected, you stated that 
 they belonged to Grub Mudge & Co. Was it not so, sir ? 
 
 Bill. Oh ! oh ! oh ! he's a perfect rat-catcher ! 
 
 [Rushes to R. 
 
 Mudge. Thus it seems, that honour, tho' it shines unsus- 
 pected — in the eyes of the world — appears more like beauty 
 than reality — dependent on the opinions of others. 
 
 [Gunnell goes to desic, writes, and returns.'] 
 
 Gun. [c] Mr. Mudge, you purchased of me eight hun- 
 dred bushels of corn ; I neglected to give you a receipt ; here 
 'tis, sir. We are square ? 
 
 Mudge. Gunnell, I believe you to be a man of better heart 
 than these reptiles around you ; you would shrink (were you 
 at liberty) from the petty and vile artifices they have resorted 
 to : they've grasped at the impossible, and lost the attainable. 
 Force is the most odious and detestable engine that can be 
 
34 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. 
 
 offered to the human imagination ; it dispels fear, and rouses 
 courage. The crime, like the punishment they would have 
 inflicted, now rebounds in their own bosoms ; you behold 
 their deplorable situation. You have pursued a course that 
 showers credit upon you. I am an honorable man ; and 
 reward the meritorious. Mr. Tilbury give Mr. Guunell 
 your check for forty pounds eight shillings and ten pence. 
 
 Gun. Sir, sir ! 
 
 Mudge. Not a word, sir I 
 
 Gun. [^To R. Tilbury writes check and hands it Jo Gun- 
 nel! , aside.'] This is the greatest inconsistency I ever heard 
 of; I gave the man a receipt for money I never got, ex- 
 pected to be kicked down stairs, and he gives me a check 
 for the money, [^o Mudge.'] Sir, your servant. j^To mer- 
 chants.] I wish you luck, 'pon my soul I do. lExit, r. 
 
 Sykes. Well, I suppose we may go ? We don't make an 
 arrest, that's certain. [^Going. 
 
 Johns. Here, stop; we have another charge against him. 
 [ To 3Iudge.] Didn't you represent yourself as member of the 
 Board of Trade ? 
 
 Spin. And as Baron G-rub Mudge ? 
 
 Mudge. No, sirs, neither of those titles, by word of mouth, 
 or innuendo, have I claimed; nor can you prove it. 
 
 \_Mudge lorites at desk. 
 
 Dykes. Oh ! we can't stay here. l_To Mudge.] Excuse us, 
 sir; we were induced to come by these men. 
 
 [Exit Sykes aiid Dykes, r. 
 
 Enter Snapper and Delia, l. 
 
 Spin. Charley Snapper ! 
 
 Bull. Charley Snapper ! 
 
 Johns. Charley Snapper I 
 
 Bill. Charley Snapper ! 
 
 Snap>. [l.] I say to you that you know not yourselves ; 
 your value is in proportion to the length of your shadows ; 
 in the morning you're as tall as cypress, and strut in every 
 public place, doing mischief; at noon your diminished 
 shadows fall about your heels ; whilst the rays of the sun 
 last, space seems too small for such beings, which the shades 
 of night extinguish. How well you've managed the present 
 crisis ! you deplore the sad reverses ; is it the fault of the 
 times ? No. 'Tis the fault of yourselves. 
 
Scene iv.] grub mudc^e and go. 35 
 
 Mud(je. \_A(Ivaii<:iii(i.] Now, gentlemen \to merchants'], 
 sign this paper. It contains a full ackuowiedgment that 
 you have done me wrong, and that I owe you nothing. Re- 
 fuse, and you know me; I Avili not be trifled with. Sign it 
 \_merchants hesitate], or to-morrow's sun will shed its lustre 
 upon other heads than yours. Sign it, I say. 
 
 ^Tliet/ si</n, and are about to 'retire, 3fu<i(je, C. 
 
 Another word before we part ; learn from me what is really 
 worth more than countless bags of dirty gold, such that will 
 in after years create for you a solid standing, and gain for 
 me your approbation and applause. How careless you have 
 been; how hasty in disposing of your wares; reform it; do 
 your business hereafter with more honesty, and beyond 
 reproach. Though you may think your creditor is honest, 
 yet, have it in your power to clinch him if he is not (for you 
 now find what is the fruitful issue" of your speed). Behold 
 the actions of a man who never wronged the weakest sub- 
 ject in the realm. \_Takes out his pocket-hooh, and pays all 
 the 7nerchants. Merchants appear astonished, and are about 
 to go.] Stop ! you are merchants, so am I ; be it a rule, 
 never oppress a fallen tradesman; should, perchance, an evil 
 wind pass by him, check its flight rather than facilitate its 
 progress; nor desire his ruin, his reputation, and the destruc- 
 tion of his family. The fall of one man brings many 
 with him, and makes not one happy. Assistance saves him 
 from destruction, and his wife from beggary. Such conduct 
 will come home to ye ; nay, has come. You would have 
 built yourselves upon my downfall. What are the conse- 
 quences ? Disgrace and contempt. You\'e been foiled in 
 the perfidious design you laid for me; whilst Grrub Mudge 
 rises above the mingling odium around him. Now, go. 
 
 [_Extt merchants, dolefully, L. 
 
 \_^na'pper, L. Mudge, M. Delia, R. Tilbury l. h.] My 
 dear children, I now resign to you the stock and trade of 
 Grrub Mudge & Co. 
 
 You enter upon your duties with the satisfaction of know- 
 ing that the Company is free, and all its debts are paid. 
 Stop — stop — there is one debt we can never pay. [Brings 
 Snapper, Tilbury, and Delia to front.] It is here. [Point- 
 ing to audience.] Ladies and gentlemen : I am satisfied. 
 Grub Mudge & Co. can never pay you. They are growing 
 old and unfit for work. But, if you will forgive the wrongs 
 
36 GRUB MUDGE AND CO. [ACT I. SCENE IV.J 
 
 they have (innocently) committed (out of the purest mo- 
 tives), and patronize the new firm, my life on't you'll ever 
 receive the heartfelt thanks of Gruh Mudge & Oo. 
 
 disposition of ciiakacters at the fall of tub curtain. 
 
 Tilbury. Mudge. Delia. Snapper. 
 
r 
 
 ^^ 
 
OPINIONS OF THE PRESS. 
 
 No city in the Union can boast of so much dramatic talent as that of 
 Philadelphia. It is an art which few correctly possess, and, when 
 achieved, deserves the highest commendation, and we gladly lend our 
 pen to record such noble instances of genius. We have a Conrad, a 
 Hubbell, a Boker, a Bird, and a Brown, who have all met with distin- 
 guished success in their productions. The last author who claims a 
 niche in the histrionic school, and of whose work we are about to write, 
 is that of Lucas Hirst, Esq., one of whose productions we now have 
 before us. The comedy of " Grub Mitdge & Co.," just published by 
 Stokes & Brother, No. 209 Chestnut Street, we think worthy of public 
 consideration ; it abounds with beautiful imagery, sentiment, and a 
 happy flow of ideas, couched in the most beautiful language; and can- 
 not be considered devoid of plot and scenic action. We consider it 
 decidedly an acting play of the first rank of minor pieces. Every scene 
 is filled with animation and dialogue, of a lively and vivid description. 
 The parts do not, like many plays, drag through with a dull, heavy 
 monotony, keeping the audience in suspense and conjecture in divining 
 what the author is driving at; but here, at once, we are from the open- 
 ing informed of the character and future development of the plot. 
 The encouragement to the histrionic profession in former times, in this 
 city, was much greater than it now is; but by the energetic management 
 of our managers, they have almost recuperated the lost infatuation of 
 our play-goers. It has been said by a very profound erudite critic, that 
 the stage affords a greater opportunity of correcting the morals and 
 touching the heart, than any other means known to us. When George 
 Barnwell was first performed in London, an auditor who had robbed 
 his master was so touched by the denouement of this play that he 
 retired from the theatre in tears, prostrated himself before his em- 
 ployer, confessed his error, and received the forgiveness of his master. 
 Of like effect, when the Gamester was performed, the vice of gaming 
 being then so prevalent, it was supposed that the little great would 
 have cried it down ; on the contrary, however, it had an opposite effect, 
 and materially aided in effecting an anielioralion of the pernicious vice 
 of gaming; and hence became one of the standard plays of the day, 
 and the topic of general admiration in the pulpit, in the Senate, in the 
 street, and on the stage. The play before us is of a tendency to correct 
 the viciousness of those who are too often found in our midst, destroy- 
 ing what is of the highest benefit and wealth to our community. — Penn- 
 sylvanian. 
 
 Grub Mudge & Co., by Lucas Hirst. — This new comedy was laid on 
 our table just before going to press. The plot is modern, active, and 
 one that occurs in everyday life. It is certainly very properly developed; 
 the scenes are consecutive, the characters well moulded, and the lan- 
 guage and sentiment not inferior to the petite comedies of the day. We 
 may call it a pleasant, humorous, and interesting play — one calculated 
 for the stage. — Sunday Ledger. 
 
 A New Comedy. — The comedy of Grub Mudge & Co., by Lucas Hirst, 
 was laid before us to-day. The language is good ; in pjirts humorous 
 and interesting, and the plot clearly conducted, the characters highly 
 marked, and quite natural. The model entirely original, and the catas- 
 trophe just and proper. Though we did not see it performed, we should 
 think it a fair acting play. — Argus. 
 
 Grub Mudge & Co. — A comedy in one act, by Lucas Hirst, Esq., has 
 been laid upon our table b) Stokes & Brother. It exceeds in merit the 
 author's previous productions, and is worthy of bearing his name. It 
 is published as played at the Chestnut in 1850. — City Item. 
 
 Grub Mudge & Co., a petite conjedy. by L ucas Hirst. Esq.. a well- 
 known legal gentleman of this city, has 
 
 Brother, Philadelphia Arcade, in very LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 meet with quite a ready sale, for its piqu 
 It was played with success at the Chesj 
 Model Courier. \