PLAYS FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY 15 CENTS EACH p CBANFORD DAMES. 2 Scenes; V^ hours 8 GERTRUDE MASON, M.D. 1 Act; 30 minutes 7 CHEERFUL COMPANION. 1 Act; 25 minutes 2 LESSON IN ELEGANCE. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MAIDENS ALL FORLORN. 3 Acts; 1M hours 6 MURDER WILL OUT. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 ROMANCE OE PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 SOCIAL ASPIRATIONS. 1 Act; 45 minutes 5 OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 WHITE DOVE OF ONEIDA. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 4 SWEET FAMILY. 1 Act; 1 hour 8 BELLES OF BLACKVILLE. 1 Act; 2 hours 30 PRINCESS KIKU. (35 cents) 13 RAINBOW KIMONA. (25 cents.) 2 Acts; 1^ hours 9 MERRY OLD MAIDS. (25 cents.) Motion Song 11 PLAYS FOR MALE CHARACTERS ONLY J5 CENTS EACH M APRIL FOOLS. 1 Act; 30 minutes 3 BYRD AND HURD. 1 Act; 40 minutes 6 DARKEY WOOD DEALER. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 WANTED, A M AH ATM A. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 HOLY TERROR. 1 Act; 30 minutes 4 MANAGER'S TRIALS. 1 Act; 1 hour 9 MEDICA. 1 Act; 35 minutes 7 NIGGER NIGHT SCHOOL. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. lAct; 30 minutes 5 WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. ^ 1 &tf ; 1 hour 12 PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours... 28 DARKEY BREACH OF PROMISE CASE. Mock Trial. 22 GREAT LIBEL CASE. Mock Trial; 1 Scene; 2 hours 21 RIDING THE GOAT. Burlesque Initiation; 1 Scene; 1}4 hours 24 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. THE COON AND THE CHINK A Vaudeville Sketch in One Act By WALTER CARTER Copyright, 1912, by Dick & Fitzgerald NEW YORK DICK & FITZGERALD 18 ANN STREET THE COON AND THE CHINK CHARACTERS Coon. — A tall, lanky, ignorant and unpolished negro. Makeup, comedy black-face. Costume. — Short trousers and coat with short sleeves, crushed silk hat, worn out shoes, long white cloth gloves, white socks, dress shirt, exaggerated high collar, and big soft carelessly tied bow-tie. Chink. — A short, thin, middle-aged Chinaman. Very stupid and ignorant in disposition. Makeup, typical close shaven wig with queue. Costume. — Typical Chinese coat, trousers and slippers, coat of plain bright colored material, trousers dark satin. Time of Playing. — About 30 minutes. INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES An apple, small alarm clock and fob. Bowl supposed to contain chop-suey and chop-sticks; flat-iron, flask, set of false teeth, hair pin, and package containing shirt bosom and a pair of ragged white socks. STAGE DIRECTIONS As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience. r means right hand; l. left hand; c. center; d. l. door left; d. r. door right, up, means toward back of stage; down, toward footlights. TMP92-0C8571 ®CI.D 30400 THE COON AND THE CHINK Scene. — A plain interior. Doors k. and l. ENTER Chink followed by Coon who has lost his laundry ticket and is trying to induce the Chinaman to give him his laundry. Coon is eating an apple as he enters. Chink. No tickie — no laundry. Coon. You know who I am, John. Chink. You gottie tickie? Coon. I told you I done lost de ticket. Chink. You no gottie tickie you no gettie laundry. Coon. Look here, John. I have a engagement for a ball to-night. I come to get my laundry and I don't want any fussing over it, understand? Chink. How me finie without tickie? Coon. I don't care nuthin' bout how you find it — only find it. Chink. You comie in Wednesday. Coon. I believe I already informed you I was goin' to a ball to-night, didn't I? Chink. You fall? Coon. Me fall. No, but you will if you don't get busy soon. Chink. You gottie tickie? Coon (rolling up fist). Look here, John, you mention de word ticket to me again and I'm gwana wrap dis around yo' roof, understand? Chink. Watie name? Coon. Jackson. Pete Jackson, you know me. Chink. Jackson? 6 The Coon and the Chink large hair-pin from bowl) Dis'll just do for my wife. (Stirs chop-suey about with one of the sticks) Chink. What you looking for? Coon. Trying to see if I can find me a good jack-knife, I lost de other one I had. Chink. Givie me, me makie some more. Coon. No, suh, I resolves to manufacture de next dose myself. Where bouts you keep de chicken? [EXIT l. (Chink sings any convenient song.) ENTER Coon l. in high spirits with whiskey flask in hand. Coon. I have a proposition to make to you, John. Chink. What that? Coon. Why, you and me to go on the stage. Chink. On stage? Coon. Perzackley, easy as pie, you see I have a brother who knows a man who am acquainted wif de janitor of de Metra-prop-olitan Opera House and as we are liable to get hired mos' any time now I have resolved to practice you up while we possess de time. To start wif we will receive $200 per. Chink. What you mean by 200 dolla per? Coon. Why 200 dollars per, means perhaps we get more dan dat. It all depends on de execution, by execu- tion we mean de — what you might call de — it — well you wouldn't comprehend what I means anyhow consequently it would be useless fo' me to definition it to you. Chink. What you play? Coon. Me? Why I'm Shakespeare, I would go fro' de motions of de play for you John but I feel too dizzy. Hey! Come back here, how do you suppose I can talk — there — that's better. Look over there John, don't you see some- thing — what resembles a sea serpent? Ain't he beautiful and all de til' sea-serpents and here comes a purple croco- dile wif golden wings and three tails, now he's grinning at me. Look out John! Chink. Where? Coon. What! You mean to tell me you don't see that The Coon and the Chink 7 crocodile. (Chink turns to observe crocodile. Coon raises flask to lips as if to take a swallow and sneezes over the mouth so as to cause sound from bottle) Chink. What that? Coon. That. Why that's the Manager of de Opera house. (Turns R. to talk with imaginary person) How de do Mr. Manager. Come in, have a seat, fine day ain't it? Let me take your hat. What's dat? Sure we'll work for you, $12,000 for de act? Let me see— dat's $2,000 per night. Couldn't you make it $15,000, Mr. Manager? You see we's been put to considerable professional expendi- tures lately and besides I'll have to give my friend here a dollar or two (Turns to Chink) Wants to shake hands with you. (To manager) My friend Mr. Oleo Margarine (To Chink) Wants to know if you'll work for $3 per week? Chink (to imaginary manager). What you take me for? Coon (to Chink) Says he wouldn't take you for a gift. (To manager) Oh, yes, we'll be there all right. We'll rehearse right away. Good-bye Mr. Manager we are paralyzed to meet you. (Coon and Chink sing last number) CURTAIN Monologues MAN PROPOSES, BUT WOMAN DISPOSES, is cnu, A sprightly and emotional Monologue by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a young lady, on her birthday, endeavors by the guidance of letters and gifts from her numerous admirers, to decide on one of them for a husband. Her criticisms are witty and amusing, but she fails to make any selection. Why ? — Because. CONFESSIONS OF A MALE FLIRT, is cents a monologue, by Lawrence D. Fogg, in which a bachelor, on the eve of his wedding, while burn- ing his love correspondence, recalls to mind some of the girls with whom he has been in love, with his hopes, his successes, and his disappointments. A strange medley of humor and heart-burnings, ending with a pathetic climax. Note — At the end, while the performer's head is buried in his hands, a procession may pass slowly by, repre- senting the girls he has been describing; similar in effect to the scenes in the "Reveries of a Bachelor." SHOW AT WILKIN'S HALL, Ike. 15 Cents. A comedy costume monologue for a lady, or gentleman in female costume, by Bertha M. Wilson. A *• Take-Off " on Delsarteans in 2 scenes ; the second can be given without the first< being complete in itself. A sure hit. WAKE AT 0'GRADVS, The. 15 cents. By William Sidnkv Hillyer. A monologue for an Irish character comedian. Runs 15 minutes. Besides the" wake," Mr. Dugan tells all about the christening at McGuire's. Especially recommended. CRUSHED TRAGEDIAN, A. 15. Cents. By William Sidney Hillyer. A character monologue for male comedian. Depicts the reminiscences and tribulations of " the palmy days " by one of " the old school." Runs about is minutes. Especially recommended. Vaudeville Sketches BERNSTEIN AND FIRESTEIN. 15 cents. A vaudeville sketch b Hebrew dialect for 2 male characters, by James F. Parsons. Time, about 15 minutes. Exceedingly funny both in '-ldicrous topics, Sheeney hits and droll repartee • Concluding with thesong "Oh, My ! Von't We Make der Money !" for which the text and music are given. TWO WANDERING JEWS. 15 cents. A vaudeville sketch Jo Hebrew dialect, for 2 male characters, by Harry E. Shelland. Time, about 15 min« ttte*. Full of funny and catchy dialogue -nd -epartee, and ending with £ song. NEW CHAUFFEUR, The. IS cents. A vaudeville automobile skit, fori male characters, by Harry E. Shelland. Time, about 15 minutes. A Dutch brewer hires an ignorant Irishman for chauffeur. A terrible catastrophe and a racy dialogue in which Pat gets the better of the Dutchman. Just too funny and leading up to dialect minstrelsy. MULDOON AND THE NIGGER ; or, White and Black. 15 Cents. A dialect vaudeville Sketch for two males, by H. E. Shelland. Muldoon, an Irish stage-manager, meets very suddenly Johnson, a darkey, whom he wished to engage as an actor in a Mephistopheles drama. After a lot of funny characteristic talk, they rehearse Johnson s part. After some ridiculous attempts at highfalutin tragedy, partly in very blank verse, Johnson collapses. They c*o^e with a song. MA'S NEW BOARDERS. :5 Geni». A farcical sketch in 1 act. by W. C. Parker. 4 male, 4 female characters. Mrs. Holdtight leaves her boarding* house in her daughter's charge. Prof. Alto-Gether calls a rehearsal of the village choir, but gives them the wrong address. The choir turn up at Mrs. H.'s and are •* i -*aken for new boarders. Then follows an uproarious series of incidents that end in .»-< Professor s round-up. Can be played " straight," or with specialties. Excellent for single or double quartette. No scenery required Time, 30 minutes. ^ss^$s$$ss$$sssssssssssssssssss^ MILITARY PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH BY TIIE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 4 E 1> WARDS, TIIE SPY. 5 Acts; 2)4 hours 10 4 PUI.SONER OF ANDERSONVI1.LE. 4 Acts; 2J4 hours.. 10 4 CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hoars 9 6 ISABEL, THE PEARL OP CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 3 LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 4 BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 3 BETAVEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 3 RURAL PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J4 hours 9 AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J4 hours 8 OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2J^ hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3Acts;2hours 6 SQUIRE TIIOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2y 2 hours 5 WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3Acts;2hours 4 FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 ENTERTAINMENTS 25 CENTS EACH AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1^ hours 19 15 JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; V/ A hours 4 4 YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Recitation 11 CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1^ hours 1 13 OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 8 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. ^§^$s$ss$^^§sssssss§«$$sss$$s§s^^$ss$$s$ss^ LIBRARY OF CONGRESS AN1 014 431 148 25 CENTS EACH BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 11 COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2\i hours 9 DEACON. 5 Acts; 2\i hours... 8 DELEGATES FEOM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 ESCAPED PROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2% hours 5 GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2\& hours 5 IN THE ABSENCE OP SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1J^ hours 4 JAIL BIRD. 5 Acts; 2% hours 6 JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 MY LADY DARRELL. 4 Acts; 2% hours 9 MY UNCLE PROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2% hours 13 NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours. 6 PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2}4 hours 5 WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2\& hours 7 WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2% hours 4 WESTERN PLAYS 25 CENTS EACH ROCKY PORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours GOLDEN GULCH. 3Acts; 2^ hours 11 RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours MISS MOSHER OP COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2Y 2 hours .. .. 5 STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2\i hours. 9 DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y.