I O v \j o sT oh T- J. SMITH, HATTER »S 635 A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS, .Z9 C265 BY Copy 1 V HENRY S. CATON, -AUTHOR OF- " Queen Bertha" "A Passing Storm" " Cousin Vance" &c. Copyrighted August, 1885 in the office of the Librarian of congress, by E. M. Sheridan, 913 G. Street, Washington, D. C. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. WASHINGTON, D. C: ^cd** the Commercial Publishing Company. (A DRAMATIS PERSONS. Mr. T. J. Smith A hatter — 55 years old. Charles ,, His son — 20 years old. Lord Lyndon 30 years old — son of Lady Lyndon. Capt. Johnson Of the merchant navy — 55 years old. Admiral LYND0N...Uncle to Lord Lyndon— 60 years old. Horace Graham \ ^ fl „ress ! Mr£. S. That's very different ! 1 did not have the edu- cation my daughter has received, nor her money either! When a gir! has been brought up as she has, iu an ele- gant boarding-school, with the best young ladies in the land for play-mates ; when she has been trained to shine in drawing-rooms one doe3 not poke her behind a counter. Smith. She need not be behind a counter and a drug- gist is a. man of education and has to go th rough a goo I deal of learning and they are well matched that way — and it is a good business where plenty of money can be made. Mrs. S. Thank goodness, she does not need that! we can afford t) give her a fine fortune of her own! But then there are oth-r ways of makiDg money without being a shopkeeper. ...I do not see why we should force our only daughter to marry against her will — Smith (getting warm.) Who on earth talks of forcing her? If sue does not want him — jhe need not have him ! — more fool she ! — ujb i iea of forcing hee to marry somebody! — who talss of forcing? — do i look like a father likely to force her to do anything against her will, eh? Marg. (throwing her arms round his neck.) My own dear good father ! Smith, (aside.) If James Turner saw this would'nt he T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 19 like it ! And Johnson who h gone to tell him to keep up a good heart and not be bashful ! | (aloud) Why on earth did vou not tell me so before? — Mrs. S. She was afraid — - Smith, [softening.) Afraid? afraid of whsbt ? — of worrying me? why, you sillv little girl, (taking Marg on his knee and sitting down ) Why should you be alraid ? — I only want to secure your happiness — and of course, if you do not think you can be happy with him, why that's all right ; all I cared for was that I have seen him grow up and know all about him ; and I'll say it again, I don't know a man I would trust the happiness of my child with, sooner than him: — but then, that is all right; — I am in no hurry to see you married ; — I am not running after sona-in laws, you are quite young enough and can afford to wait ; and indeed, Maggie, if it was'nt for the future , for the fear of leaving you alone, when the old folks are gone , if it was for myself alone, I'd much rather you'd never marry ; — You are quite rich enough to be a happy old maid. — Mrs. 8.— The idea !— Smith. Well, marriage for her, means parting for us — and I don't know that I shall ever be ready to part with my little girl; — but of course, some day, it will have to be... for your sake Marg. But papa, I don't want to leave you and mamma ! — even if I marry, I can see you every day ; we can live close by, and dine together and Smith.. That's all very well ; but that depends if it would suit your husband Marg Of course it will suit him; I know it will! — he said so (stops in confusion.) Smith, (rising.) Who said so? who's hel Marg. (blushing in a whisper.) Henry Smith. And who's Henry ? Mrs. vS. Well, Lord Lyndon there! — now you know all ! — ^MITH. What? Lord Lyndon ? — that young man that buys so many hats ? Mrs. S. The same; — he loves Maggie, and he has proposed to her and his mother is actually coming to- 20 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. day to make a formal visit to us and get acquainted, so that everything may appear fair and square. Smith. Why, he is an earl? Why, women you are both crazy — ain't you ? Mrs. S* — No indeed, we are not! — but it is certainly an unexpected piece of good luck — Smith. That may all be, but I can't say I like the idea......... Mrs. S. And why not? — He is all we could wish — he is good looking, steady, pleasant, has a fine fortune, good expectations Smith. That is all very well, but I wish he were poorer and in our set Mrs. S. What nom-ense? Is it his fault if his family is as old as the hills? if he is an earl?— if his mother is Countess Lyndon and if his uncle is an Admiral ? — he is not a bit stuck up for all that ! why he himself is in busi- ness ; young as he is, is he not sub-director of the East Indian Citizen's Bank ? — is he not a principal share- holder in the Western midland Railroad ? — Why inste?d of fooling his time with cards, race-horses and you know what I mean Mr. Smith, there he is, at his age, quite a prominent man on the Stock Exchange, over head and ears in business — Smith. Business — pshaw ! that may be nothing else but another form of gambling, — some gamble with a couple of dice or a pack oi cards; others with horses and dogs and others with shares and Mock ; — I believe in good honest trade and not much in speculation — Mrs. S. Mr. Smith you know very well that what you say can't apply to him ! — he does not speculate with other people's money ; — he has his own solid fortune to invest and attend to ; and as for his being an earl and of a condition above us, why let me U 11 you. Thomas Joshua Smith, that when one is as rich as we, are we belong to all conditions — Smith That's all very well — but will you ever feel comfortable with this fine gentleman for a son-in-law? — with a lot of friends we don't know? — with tastes and habits that will be new to us ?— and all of them not under- stand our manners and our customs — T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 21 Mrs. S. Gracious ! the way you talk ! one would think we were Efiquimaus ! — Smite. Well, that is about how they will look upon us ! — and the idea that for the sake of a fine gentleman, a good honest lad should be sacrificed, who loves you, Mag- gie who could make you happy Mrs. S. How can one be happy with a man one does not love? Smith. Love, love! — pshaw! — stuff and nonsense ! she liked him well enough before this other fellow came round ! — Love, pshaw ! — what does she know about love ? love will grow if you give it a chance! — Mrs. S. Ah! you would not have said that twenty- five years ago, Mr. fcfmith ! that's the trouble with trade, it stops every feeling ! — why if I had said to you, when you courted me, that — Smith. Oh if you begin to work upon my feelings, you know very well, I shall make a fool of myself. Mrs. S. Why has our married life been a happy one? Smith. Because we were of the same path in life; my father sold hats and yours, fruits and candy— i Mrs. S. Not at all Mr. Smith, not at all !— It is be- cause we loved each other! and I know, Tom, if they had forced me to marry somebody else and told me; — "never mind, you'll learn to love him later"I I should have died Tom ! — I know I would ! (cries OTi his shoulder.) Smith. Come, come Mary Ann ! — of course I mean when I say Idon't mean why let her marry whomever she pleases, so long as the man is not — Mrs. S. So long as the man is not the man she loves ! — Mr. Smith, I ought to have expected this ! — You al- ways were a tyrant ! (sits down sobbing.) Marg. Oh, papa! (sits down crying.) ^miih. (going from one to. the other.) That's it ! put on the water-works! I am a tyrant! — Why, Madge, — you know very well, I am no tyrant! — I only want your happiness ; — you know that I care for you more than I can tell ; — I want to see you 'the wife of a good honest lad, who will be proud of your father and glad to see your mother ; — who will have no stuck-up re- E 22 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. latiens ; whose house will be mine, as miDe will be his; — who will slap me on the shoulder and say when he meets me "Hallo, old dad, come in and take pot luck ! " — eh that's what you want too, Mary Ann ? — And — and — - (violently ) Oh ! if you all keep crying why let her have her fine gentleman, — it she will have him ! and so long as you still love your old father Margaret, (springing up and hugging him.) Oh ! my dear good father ! — Mrs. S. (hugging him.) Now I know you again, Tom! — Smith Am I a tyrant Mrs. Smith ? — Did not I tell you, you'd make me make a fool of myself! Enter Johnson. Johnson I am back ! Don't mind me ! I've got to be in the secret, you know, sooner or later Smith, (aside, embarrassed) What on eartti am I to tell Johnson ? Johnson, (to Smith.) I have seen Jimmy — he's coming round as soon cs he can get rid of some cus- tomers; -and I came back to tell you in a hurry for I do not want to miss my dinner as 1 am awfully hunery. (to MaHG.) Well Maggie my girl, how do jpu Ike th ; plan ? — Margaret, (turning away from him.) What [ Ian do you mean ? (Exit tip stairs ) Johnson. Ob, Miss innocence! — as if you did not know t- — But 1 dare say, Mrs. S. knows all aoout it — eh ? What do you say about it, Mrs. S. ? Mrs. S. (turning away,) I have not the slightest idea of what you mean ! Johnson. How so ? Mrs. S. (to Smith as she ascends the staircase with Margaret.) Don't lor^et our agreement, Mr Smith ! Johnson, (following them to the foot of the staircase.) But surely you know what L mean 'I Mrs S. Please excuse me Mr. Johnson, I am in a hurry ! (Exit up stairs Johnson (turning toward Smith who is pretending to look round fov something , in order to conceal his uneasi- ness) Smith! T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 23 Smith, {trying to evade questions.) I am looking for my iron I had put it here and I have lost the bill tho.-e hands are so careless ! (calling.) Lorriner^ wnere is the bill? Johnson, (taking hiw by the arm.) Leave all this alone and explain to me — have you spoken to your wife ? — Smith. Ye? — Johnson. Well what does she gay ? {Smith. Well — ugh ugh she ugh — Johnson. Does not she like the plan ? Smith. Well, no. — To tell you the truth she does not like iV at all, — at all ; — Johnson. Aud Maggie? — what does she think of it? Smith. Well Maggie, she does not think she would like it either like her mother— Johnson. Why, what has changed their feelings to- ward James ? Smith Well ..U2h ugh a father must sacrifice his wishes to those of his children and my choice ol course, — aud then you see her education — f-he was five years in the most stylish boarding school— and has acquired different tastes from mine — and of course she has (dashing in) in fact a young lord stands a better chance than poor James ! — Johnson. What do you mean ? Smith. I mean that it seems he has proposed to Mag- gie—she favors him — his family is very old very old, Johnson. (snappisJily.) So old, I suppose, that no- body can tell where they came from Smith. 1 can't object to him ; he has an independent fortune of Lis own and a title besides, which of course is no disparagement — Johnson. Ana what is his name? Smith. Lyndon Lord Lyndon. Johnson. There is an Admiral of that name? Smith. Lord Lyndon is his nephew. — Johnson, (whistling.) I say — Smith ! — that's in the real upper ten, — my boy ! well, I suppose 1 must congratulate you, though it kind of well I am ashamed to say, but it it — knocks me on the head! — Smith, (sadly) Johnson — it nearly breaks my heart! 24 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. I am the one to suffer most from it, — It seems to me that Maggie married in this way, will be more separated from me than if sh£ were in the Sandwich Islands but yet what can I ao ? — he is all wo can wish in a son-in law, and they love each other, — Maggie has set her heart on it ; — the old woman is raving about it; and she calls me tyrant because I don't rush in ecstacies ! — Johnson, (sighing.) Well, I suppose there is no help for it; the best to be done is to think the least of it, look at the brighdtside and steer clear of clouds ; — it has rather taken my breath away and I even nearly forgot I was hungry ! Smith. That'so ! — when is dinner coming? — (speaking through the speaking tube ) Hurry up dinner ! Enter Lorriner. (rushing in.) Lor. Mr. Smith, there is a grand private carriage at the door and a lady is stepping out !! — Smith, (looking through the glass partition.) Lord Lyndon! — that must be hi* mother! (calling,) Mary Ann ! Maggie ! Mary ! Here I am in my apron ! (rush- ing round.) Where is my coat? — my coat? Lorriner, — don't let them enter through the store ! — my coat ! — Too late!— Johnson. They are sailing in this way ; — 8y up stairs and get another coat ! (Exit Smith upstairs ; Johnson retires in a corner.) Enter Lord Lyndon, Lady Lyndon, Lady L. Well, Henry I certainly never expected to come to such a place as this to search for a daughter-in- law ! — when you could have had your choice of all the best matches in town ! I am afraid I am a foolish mother to humor your fancy so far ; I hope this weakness of mine will be forgiven me! I feel as if I was marching to your execution ! — (looking through her eyeglasses.) but, is this what is called a back store? Are there any skins here? It smells queer, does it not! — You don't mean to say they live here? Lyndon. In the house above, mother — they have a nice comfortable home there— I ought not to have stopped , T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 25 at the store; I ought to have told James to ring at the house door ; but he is so accustomed to come this way Lady L. Ah ! if I did not know that this girl is backed by an ample fortune and a good, substantial inheritance from her parents in the future — I should never have consented ! — But your threat of going to India, and leav- ing a fine position here for that wretched climate — if I refused my son, I tell you truly you are pitting my affections to a s-rong test this morning! I do it under protest : — of course if it has to be done, it may be done pleasantly, and avoid scandal — but I assure you, Henry, your wife will have to be very charming indeed to make me like her ! Lyndon. Oh ! mother you'll learn to love her as I do!— Enter Smith, (coming down stairs buttoning his coat.) Smith. Here I am! Sir, Madam, I beg pardon Lyndon. Mr. Smith — allow me to introduce my mother to you — Smith, (awkwardly.) Why certainly ! — in fact it is I who have the honor of introducing myself! — Johnson, (aside seated behind the counter.) Those two will never sail together ! Lady L. Perhaps we interfere at this time of the day, with your occupation — Smith, (embarrassed.) Not at all, not at all, on the contrary ! It is I who interfere won't you sit down ? — won't you take something? eh ! a glass of wine ? — per- haps a cool glass of beer? — what you like? Lady L. (smiling.) Nothing thank you ! we have just left the breakfast table — I am come you are very probably informed of my son's intentions — I am come to make the acquaintance of your charming daughter Smith, (shuffling uncomfortably.) Certainly. and my charming wife too (aside.) Why don't they come down ! (aloud.) I beg your pardon — but your lady- ship knows* the womenfolks are never ready ! always late! always late ! 26 T. J. SMITH, HATTER Johnson, (aside.) I don't see much prospect of a dinner for me — Smith. Oh! yon are not comfortable on that chair! — wouldn't you prefer an armchair Lady L. No — I am quite comfortable, thank you ! Smith. But you would be better on an armchair — (calling ) Lorriner ! — Go up stairs and fetch an armchair ! —(to Lyndon.) My dear sir—just lay down your hat ; let me take it! (takes the hat and mechanically "brushes it with his sleeve.) Enter Margaret. Marg. Lord Lyndon ! Enter Mrs. Smith (curtsying deeply.) Mrs. S. And his mother, I suppose ? Lyndon. Yes, my dear Mrs. Smith — my mother who has kindly acquiesced to my wish and is anxious to make your acquaintance. Mrs. S. Why my lady, this is quite an honor. Thi9 is my daughter ! Lady L. (to Margaret.) Let me kiss you my dear girl — I have heard a great deal about you, but I must say, I do not think the description was at all flattered. Smith, (to Johnson.) She's very nice ! Johnson Very nice! (aside ) I wish I could say as much of the dinner ! — Enter Lorriner carrying a large leather armchair. Lor. Room! here's the armchair ! Mrs. S. Goodness gracious ! Why did you fetch that horrible old thing ? — Lorriner. (hugging the chair.) Why, its the most comfortable ! Master always take3 his after-dinner nap on it! Mrs. S. Carry it away ! — bring me the yellow satin one, by the fire place. Lady L. Please don't Mrs. Smith ! Mrs. S. And the blue velvet foot stool ! Lyndon. I beg you to give yourself no trouble Mrs. S. Oh ! it's no trouble — he's there for that! — T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 27 Johxson. (aside ) As I suppose there's no chance of a dinner now, for several hours I'll step into a restaurant; then I'll go back to my poor nephew and tell him all his hopes are gone adrift ! (Exit unperceived,) Mrs. S. (to LjJ6y L.) I am really ashamed to re- ceive you in this/way ! Lady L. Please don't mention it. Smith. Wouldn't you prefer going up stairs in the parlor ? Mrs. S. Ah! Mr. Smith, how can you ! — this horri- ble staircase!— of course, if the Countess had come in by the hall-door — but now she's here unless we go round by the street Smith, That's so ! — this winding staircase is a nui- sance but you see, my lady, in business we have got to put up with many things. Lady L. Of course ; you sacrifice the present to the future — It is very natural and wise. Smith, (turning to where Johnson was.) She's very nics, very nice. — Where is he gone to? — Lady L. But now all this will soon end. — You'll 6oon be able to enjoy the results of your sacrifices — when you quit your business — Smith, (taken abaeh.) Ma'am ? — I beg your par- don I did not quite hear Lady L. I said — tha't when you give up your busi- ness, as you soon shall Smith. Quit the business !— Oh no, my lady, I am too fond of it. — I intend to die in business Lady L. Well, but if your daughter is mar- ried Smith. Well, that won't prevent my going on with the concern. — I am still hale and hearty Lady L, (seriously ) I must have misunderstood my son ; (to Lyndon.) did you not tell me, Henry, that it was agreed that Mr Smith should Lyndon. These ladies had certainly led me to hope Smith. What? — that I should give up my business ? — Mrs S. Why, of course, dear. — It is a natural conse- quence. Smith, (getting excited) What is a uatural conse- 28 T J. SMITH, HATTER. quence ? — it is not natural ! — there is no consequence ! — did you ever, Johnson ? — (turning) where the devil is he?— Mrs. S. My dear ! — before the Countess ! Smith. My lady, will excuse me, but you must under- stand — what on earth am I to do with myself without my business — Lady L. Oh ! we'll provide you with occupation, Mr Smith ! — I think we could secure you a borough with our influence — Smith, (stiffly.) I beg your pardon ; — but I could not represent it properly.— I am not cut for parliament — If I had thought myself good lor the House, I could have got myself in, long ago, without your influence. — I did not know you despised my trade so much, Lord Lyndon ; 1 never thought it could put anyone to the blush before — Lady L. (soothingly.) Oh ! Mr. Smith it is not for myself or my son that 1 am speaking ! —These young peo- ple love each other and we are both agreed to let them be happy ; of course, you and I, seek nothing but their happiness, eh ? Well, you see, my son is also in business; he is sub-director of a bank; — he is on a E-ail Road board of management, ; — all this brings him in contact with people whom he must please ; — an uncle of his, is iu official life ; — his influence depends from very high peo pie ; — their leelings. their prejudices, if you like, must be considered ; — if my son were to break thiough certain con- ventional rules, most absurd 1 admit, which I do not ap- prove of, but still which it i« policy to respect, you understand, — there are considerations in business which must be taken notice of; you are such a business man yourself that you must well understand what I mean; — I know you do ; — a man of your inteligence, — of course, comprehends. Smith, (embarrassed,) well, of course I under- stand that is, — I don't see Makg. Oh, dear papa! do that for me! We (hall all love you so ! — we'll all take such good care of you ! why should you go on working so hard it is time you should rest and enjoy yourself. I shall be so glad when you'll ba able to come and see me all day long with mother ! — Is it not so Henry? T J. SMITH, HATTER. 29 Lyndon. Why certainly — Our home will be yours — we don't intend to leave you any time to devote to your business. Mrs. rf. You could not attend properly to it. — Now Thomas be reasonable ! Marg. Do — dear papa, do give it up for my sake ! S. If you all set up against me well I sup- pose I must Marg. Mrs. S. (kissing him) Dear papa ! — Dear husband ! Smith, (half angry.) That's all right; you wanted me to do it ; — it is a plot; — you've got it, now that will do. Lyndon. Mr Smith I shall never forget the sacrifice you have made for me this morning — Lady L. Mr Smith your conduct is above any possi- ble praise — It is what we parents have to do all our live?: Sacrifice our tastes to our children's future they are all in all to us ; — but now all this is settled; — we must have nothing else in view but to hasten their happiness. — i 'orae and spend the afternoon with me my dear Mrs. Smith; aud of course my dear daughter Mar- garet must come too, or Henry will be inconsolable ; and Mr Smith could come in for dinner and pass the eve- ning. — We dine at seven. — I want to drive round to my attorney's to give him the necessary directions about our family papers and settlements. Henry can leave me there and drive back to fetch you — that will give you time to get ready — No ceremony my dear Mrs. Smith. Just a bonnet and shawl — we'll be all by ourselves — Mrs. S. Delighted, your ladyship ; we shall be de- lighted — Laijy L. Give me another kiss, Margaret, before I go — and I think now we could allow Henry to do the same ; well, we'll see each other in a little while, so we won't say good Dye ! (Lyndon gives his arm to his mother. Exeunt through the front store.) Smith. Not through the store! — here's the home door this way ! Mrs. S. Come on, Maggie! we must dress up in a hurry. — Put on your nice blue dress and your white hat. (Exeunt upstairs.) G 30 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Smith. I have given my word ! I wish I had'nt — and Johnson sneaking away just as he might have been of some use to me ! — Who would have guessed that I should ever consent to this ! — Give up mv business ! — why I have livfd here since I was a child and I certainty thought I'd die here Enter Johnson. Johnson. Here I am ! Smith, {gruffly.) It is high time ! — Johnson. W e i) t I was hungry ; — and I knew it would take time to go through all t. e arrangements and emo- r tions ; hut I'll tell you some other piece of news — While I was eating my dinner all by my self, I thought I'd had enough of traveling You see, I did not feel that way, when I landed in foreign ports ; — but now, that I have struck London a^ain and seen you all — I said to myself what's the use of pas-ing the rest", of my life far from pverybody that cares for old Ja.ok? — so, do you know? I made up my mind I'd resign on halfpay ! — I'll live with James round the corner poor ; lad, that kind of so ( tened the blow for him too — for, of cours", I went to tell him it was no use his thinking of Maggie any more; so you see, if you part with Maggie, you'll have me ; every evening I'll corne round for my old game of backgammon — eh, old boy; how's that ? ] orriner. (rushing in.) Ah ! Mr. Smith, is that so ? are you g^ing to s^ll me concern ? Johnson. Hey? what? what does he say? — sell the concern ? you?.... Smith, (reluctantly) Well yes .Ihavegotto if not no mamagp — Johnson And you have given in again ? Smith. Well L had to ; — they all were after me — Johnson. Of course; — you ought to have known that these fine folks would blush to have a hat in their coat-of arms — Smith, (trying to repeat the words of the Countess ) No it is not that — but consideration which must in- fluence us ; and prejudices which we must sacrifice to our affections and our love for our children . and if you had heard how they promised what they T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 31 paii] and though I said they said and — by the bye why were you not there to help me out? Johnson. I had gone to take dinner — Smith. But you staid so long ! Johnson. I'll tell you ; I went to the coffee-house round the corner and in the next room some youngsters were playing billiards; — they came in and asked me to be umpire — ot course I had to see the game through Enter Charles. Charles. Why father, I have just heard that it is all settled about Maggie. Johnson, (aside) Why that is one of my young billiard-players ! Chas. I hear you have also decided to give up Smith. Yes by the by, where have you been? — Chas. I have just come back from the debate. Johnson, (aside.) Ah — my poor friend Smith, I fear you are not. through your troubles yet! — (Charles per- ceives Johnson, recoynizes him and makes him sign to keep his secret Jrom his father — Johnson threatens him with /-how in this world without at least double his for- tune. I must go on telling him that money makes money and that he must take some risks. I have made myself invaluable to him both in business and home matters, and T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 33 egad, I have a snug berth here! if tha lady of the house were not so confoundedly shy and reserved ! Ha. well, I may perhaps work my way through with her too; all I need is an opportunity but it is awfully hard work sometimes to persuade a man he is a genius ; deuced hard Why, hallo, Lyndon, where have you been? Enter Lord Lyndon. Lyndon. Jus-t made a few business calls — Hcr. 1 can't see how you can stand it! Always so bu-y and energetic! — have you come from the bank? Lyndon. Yes. They are favorable to my organizing this company and I think the House of Commons will vote favorably on the bill — As soon as that is done, the thing seems sure and safe. Hor. Splendid affair ! Why you'll be a millionaire in no time with it ! — what a head you have for business to be sure ! — it is a grand idea ! Lyndon. The preliminaries are all very well, very safe; but of course I must get this german millionaire baron to look favorably on the plan ; if I can only in- duce him to throw some capital in it I fjund great hopes on this dinner-party to night. If my mother can only induce him to accept my invitation, and if every tning impresses him favorably here, then Ihe Lord Chancellor of the Exchequer is coming — I have his accept- ance; my german baron will find solid government in- fluence on a social footing with me — do you see the moral effect on him, hey ? If those two men meet in my house a^d the surroundings are impressive — the thing succeeds. I hope preparations for to-night are all of the best — if you think of anything that can improve the appearance in any way, have it without consulting me — I am too much occupied with the more serious features of the affair and may have overlooked manv a little detail — but to-night nothing must be left undone ! — Where's Lady Lyndon ? — Hor. I have not seen her; but I think she is coming now Enter Ma eg a ret. Lyndon. Why, Margaret, I expected to s.e you dressed for dinner by this time ! 34 T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. Marg. I am dre.=sed, Henry. Lyndon. How so ? HoR. Lady Lyndon is always charming! beauty un- adorned Lyndon. My dear Margaret, very probably you do not understand the importance I attach to this dinner- party ; I wish to impress the high financial magnates I ex- pect to-night with the ampleness ol my means and the solidity of my resources ; great success depends on the right impression being given to-night — I wish you to look your best, and to wear your most elegant dress. — By the bye ! — I intended to have selected a new set of diamonds for you for the occasion ! — the Lyndon diamonds are old fashioned in the setting — and besides my mother will wear them. I want you to be dazz'.ing to-night — Horace, will you run down to tarr & Waterman's, and select a complete set for me? — the most brilliant you can get — Hor. I'll do rny best — though I may not find any- thing worthy enough of Lady Lyndon's beauty. (Exit.) Lyndon. Now my dear Margaret, your brilliant appearance is secured — I want >ou to sparkle with your merriest wit; you do not i- now how much depends on our success to night! — it we can win this german financier for this Company I am organizing, its Huccess is assured — my mother is nearly sure of his coming — you'll have to take th9 Lord Chancellor in to dinner : do your best; I want my guests to see that I made a happy choice lor society, when I married you — have yon seen the drawing-room ? Marg. Not yet. Lyndon. Why, what have you been doing all day ? — Marg. (sadly.) I have been writing letters ; it is so long since 1 had news ! Lyndon. News of what ? — Marg. Of father and mother ! — Lyndon. Oh, yes. Marg. It is six month3 now since they went to Wales; they have bought property there and I fear they are so engaged with it that they nearly forget me — Lyndon. You know, dear, no news >s good news. They enjoy themselves in their way and you must do the same here — I do not want you to look sad, dearest, to- T. J. SMI1H, HATTER 35 night. I wish you to be just as merry and pretty as you can be for my sake — My dear little love, you must go and dress ; there is no time for trifling. I must go out again and on my return I expect to find Margaret, Countess Lyndon under arms — (takes her to her room and kisses her.) Ryan ! tell the coachman to wait for me at my b'oker's — Enter Ryan, (hat in hand ) Ryan. Yes my lord — there is a man wants to see you Lyndon. Say I am out ! — I have no time. (Exit.) Servant. — (putting on his hat) Just as I expected — these fellows think that we rich folks have nothing to do but to listen to them ! Enter Smith. Smith, (coming in.) I'll walk in any how — never mind announcing me — Ryan. My lord is gone out, sir, so you had better do so too, I suppose. Smith, (beckons to him.) Look here, friend, take that off ! — there ! (takes his hat off) that is better — now you can speak ! Ryan. Sir ! — Smith, (in a severe tone.) I am civil to servants, and expect servants to be civil to me ! (sitting) if Lord Lyn- don is out, Lady Lyndon must be in ! Ryan. My Lady is dressing and has no time to see you ; il you won't go quietly I'll have to Enter Margaret. Marg. That voice ! my dear fatner ! Ryan (aside.) Her father !— Smith, (embracing her.) My darling ! my little Mag- gie ! Go out, I say ! (to Ryan who stares. Exit Ryan) Marg.- Have you any complaints to make against him? Smith. None; I am only too glad to see you at last ; — Why how pretty you look ! you are beautiful, darling j — my beautiful girl ! (kissing her.) 36 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Marg. Tell me about mother ! — Smith. She's in town ! but the train gave her a head- ache — so she went home to lay down awhile and 1 carne straight here We have only just arrived, by the 2 10 train. She'll be here in a little while, in time ior dinner ; how '8 your brother? Marg. Charles is w«-ll — I do not see him often — but I hear from him daily from Horace Graham. Smith. I suppose he is kept busy with study and at- tending the courts— Did you see what ni e business rooms I set up for him before I left?— No? — Wei! you must go and see them ; everything in style ; parlor in dark green velvet with bronze ornaments and black marble; every thing serious but comfortable ; nice Axminister car- pet, periodicals, newspapers, every thing to induce clients to wait. Then in his private study, book rases all round the wall; my! you ought to have seen the bookseller's bill! more than the upholsterer's! — stands with pigeon holes, compartments, drawers ! — busts of celebrated law- yers, desks of all shapes— student's lamps, every thing in short. Then his bedroom ! — as cozy as can be and a nice dining-room, that may also do for a second parlor in case he does not want two clients to meet — I think they ar* the nicest lawyer's rooms in the city — of course, it will take him time, to get some cases — but Maggie, the day I shall see him, in wig and gown pleading a case, will be the happiest day of my life ! Marg. Dear good fathei ! Smith. Your husband seems to be doing well eh ! every thing is got up in style, here ! and a regiment of servants in the hall ; and — law ! — look at your dress ! — won't mother like to see you, though! Won't t-he turn you round and round ! You look a little pale and sad ? Anything worrying you ? Marg. No ! — only I did not hear from you — Smith. Well, we did not write because we were com- ing. If that is all that worries you, it is all over now, for we are come to settle down in London for nood. When you were on your wedding tour, you know I sold my concern and bought a nice villa in Kensington ; that is where your mother is now ; we'll stay there till sum- mer, though I may run over to Wales to see after the T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 37 farms there — you see, darling, I must keep busy, now that I have let go the hats. I have bought your mother a beautiful place near Swansea — you'll have to come down and see it; there are five farms connected with it and they will keep me going and thinking; there's a fine track of forest and a little river, I want to build some- thing there — don't know what yet — have to find out. Now dear girl, I am so glad to s*e you ! — I have not set my eves on you since your wedding day — you went off to the Continent and before you returned we were off ourselves on a tour of old England ! — well, well, we shall see enough of each other now ! — we have both done gad- dins about ! — we are going to keep our promise — we are coming to stay a few days with you till mother gets things in running order in the new house— > Marg. Oh I am so glad ! — (Rings enter Kyan.) Ryan, see that the large bedroom facing mine is put in readiness for this evening! — (Exit Servant bowing) Smith. Maggie, I can't get it into my head you are Lady Lyndon — you are my own little Maggie yet! — law ! shan'i we have lots to sav ! Oh, by the bye, do you know wh*t I have heard? — the youngster that bought my concern is dragging it down terribly ! — does not understand the business ; the work is not turned out carefully, everything is botched ! — I hate to see the dear old thing going to rack and ruin ! (sighing) however, I'll console my self with you both ! — who's that ? Is that Henry? — Don't say anything, I want so surprise him — Enter LYnDON. I.V5D0N. (speaking outside.) Everything seems going right — they all take interest in it— Smith, (hugging him.) Good, day Henry ! I'm so glad to see you ! Lyndon, (disengaging himself.) Who's that ? Smith. Why, that's me! ha ha ha ! Lyndon. Oh ! Mr. Smith ! excuse me, the sur- prise Smith. Ye* ain't it a surprise ? Lyndon. Why yes quite a. surprise why, Mr. Smith ! this is unexpected !— 38 T J. SMITH, HATTER Smith. Now — why don't you call me father, hey ? — you're my son you know ! — you did not expect me hey ! ha ha ! Lyndon. Well, no can I do anything for you ? Smith. No — thank you, much obliged — I only came round to see my girl. I said to myself — " I'll come down plump on the whole lot of 'em — and then I shall see if they make my girl happy !'' Lyndon. Well? Smith. Well, she has just told me she's as h?ppy as she can be. Lyndon, (shaking Margaret's hand.) My dear Mar- garet — I am very glad to hear it — Smith (aside?) Well, did you ever? — shakes her hand? — why I would have kissed my old lady and given her such a hug ! — but I suppose mat is the way in the upper ten — (aloud) well, my dear boy, you see I have taken yuu at your word. On your wedding day, you said to me — "Come and stay with us some time father, when we return ; you must consider our home yours !" — so here I am ! ■ Lyndon, (politely ) Ah ! very glad to hear it. MArg, Yes ! — and I have had the room next to mine prepared ior them ! Lyndon, (taken aback.) Ah ! you have already had the room prepared — oh, I see certainty, cer- tainly. Smith, (rubbing his hands.) Yes, yes, every thing is settled, my boy ! we have arranged matters splendidly without you ! Enter Augustus Cla.verland and Horace Graham. Hor. My dear Lyndon, allow me to introduce to you the Honorable Augustus Claverland, one of our most fashionable young men! Lyndon. I am very happy to make your acquaint- ance, August. I am indebted to my dear friend G-aham for the pleasure T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 39 Enter Ryan followed by two gentlemen in full evening dress. Ryan, (announcing) Mr. Cotnpton — Mr. Blanchard (salutations.) Smith, (to Horace.) Why, if that is not our young friend Graham ! why how are you, my boy ? Hon. (aside.) Mercy ! (aloud) Why if that is not....,,.. Mr. Smith ! Smith, (heartily.) lam just out of the train — and of coarse, rushed straight here! — home! ha ha ha! you know the song, (sings) there is no place like home! Horace, (interrupting him.) Of course — of course — Why Mr. Smith I am so glad to see you ! just one moment (to London.) This a stunner, Lyndon! what on earth are you going to do with him ? Lyndon (despondently.) Heaven only knows — I don't!— I'm at my wit's end! Smith (turning Horace round.) And how is your other friend — my boy Charles — eh ? HoR. Oh, very well indeed! — hard at work giasping the law and how is dear Mrs. Smith? Smith. As usual splendid! — she's coming in a fe.v minutes. Horace, (aside.) The deuce she is ! Augustus (to Horace ) Whom have you got hold of? Horace, (to Augustus.) A crank, my dear boy Do you want to see something rich? — here give me your hat! (takes Aug's hat ) Augustus, (to Horace ) Does he perform legerde- main tricks ? Hi r. You'll see! (turning to Smith who takes hold of the hat mechanically and brushes it with his sleeve.) Why, have you not seen Charlie yet? Smith. No — I tell you we have only just come from the station ; we have been six months in South Wales and all over the country ! Out, tell me — he must be very learned now, is he not? Horace, (taking the hat and returning it to Augustus and tahing Mr. Compton's he gives it to Smith who brushes it mechanically.) Learned? — why I should say so! why, he is like a well of learning! — you cannot see the end of his knowledge ! 40 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Smith. Well, I am glad to hear it ! — real glad ! I have spared nothing to make the lad succeed. He has had all the opportunities and money he wanted — You know I fitted him up an elegant lawyer's office, even before he needed one — before he took his decrees ! by the by — you can tell me ! how many final examinations are there? — I thought there was only one Hor. Oh dear no! several five six, some- times ten! — that depends on the caprice of the faculty! — some years there are more — some years less — this year there have been quite a number. Smith. That's what I thought. Charlie wrote a ! (to Mrs. S ) Do you know I found this puppy foici- g his insulting attentions on Maggie ? But if you think that 1, Thomas J. Smith, who was not killed at Azincou.it, who was not deformed, who was not page to Richard 111, who am no ghost and whose castle has not been burnt down under Cromwell, if you thin!? I am going to let myself be turned out of doors by a lackey of your stamp, you are greatly mistaken ! Hor.— Sir !!! Mrs. S. Tom, don't be violent ! Smith, (violently.) Oh ! leave me alone, wife ! I am T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 51 going to see this matter through and if my son-in law is at the bottom of this*, he shall have to speak out for him- self ! Enter Lord Lyndon and J ady Lyndon. Lady L. The Baron w a charming man ! Lyndox. My dear mother, I am so glad you succeeded in bringing him round ; I lay the greatest hopes on his intervie v with rhe Lord Chancellor — Smith. Ah! here yon are! — I just want you to Lyndon, (aside ) What ! — still here ? — Smith. I'll not detain you long. I only want to know if it is by your orders, that this fellow, your head- lackey, was trying t) put us out, my wife aid myself? — Lyndon Why my dear Mr. Smith, you are certainly laboring under a mistake — Smith. There is no mistake, my lord. D) you mean to father the insult, or do you not ? Lady L. If my son has thought that perhaps it would be more agreeable for you to SmIth I am not speaking to you, madam, but to my daughter's husband. Is it true, my lord, that you turn u« out of doors ? — ■ Lyndon. Such a word ! — * MITH. The word i* all right, if the thing is true ! You don't answer, eh? — Silence implies consent You see, wife, that his lordship >s ashamed to own us ; a hatter, faugh ! — But he may do ns he pleases — he can't help after all, being the son in law of a hatter! — You had no busi- ness to marry my daughter, my lord; you had no business to promise us we ahould be all one family ; you ought to have told Maggie, " I marry your fortune, not yourself; I despise your parents — I flatter them now, because I need their consent, but I intend to get rid of them as soon as lean!'' — Fool that I was! I ought to have resisted you all — I ought to have listened to the advice of my old i friend Johnson ; I, the head of the family, ought to have been wiser than you all ! as it is, I have jeopardized the happiness of my child ! — I shall never forgive myself! Mrs. S. (sobbing ) Oh Tom ! Lady L. (to Horace,) Oh ! do stop this scene ! — Hor. Come come, Mrs Smith, be more reasonable 52 T J. SMITH, HATTER. than your husband — don't you see he is making mount- ains out of molehills? — Of course you underhand that — your dress though very pretty next to those of the ladies he t — Smith What ? — Do you dare to put your word in, you puppy ! — I have been calm up to now; but I shall twist your nose off, it you insult my wife! Enter Margaret. Maisg. (hearing the last words) Insult my mother ! — (throwing herself in Mu>. Smith's arms) Smiiti (striking a table with his fist) You miserable ■wretch: you ! — Lyndon. Mr. Smith, this violence Smith. ' My lord, if you aie a man, you'll renounce this fellow for your frend, for he insults your wife and your relatives (.VTrs Smith controls her husband.) tiADY L Whtft a scandal ! Marg. (going over to Smite) My lord, this is infa- mous! — as vou blush lor my pa.-entu you must ali-o lie ashamed of me! — Do you think I am going to remain in a house from whence they are tinned out? — No ny lord. Turn me out to >, for 1 -!mI1 not leave th'eta ! — (sobbing on Mrs Smith's shoulder.) lake me away! Utke me away ! Lyndon. Mad mi ! S.viiiH. (calmly) Maggie, your words recall me to reason I ought not to have let myself be led into vio- lence — I had thought 1 had hoped there was a place for us m our child's home; you have decided other- wi.-e. Lord Lyndon, and you are' the master here — Heav. n to ibid I should raUe troutde in your house, le- tnairs here, 'daughter ; your place is b_y your hu>b;-nd. (Takesher from Mrs. SMifH and pd&ses her t> • yndon ) Come, wife ! — our sou \\'\\\ comlort us t (t the lo-s < i our d .ugli'er ! T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 53 ACT III Ihe scene represents an elegant library or lawyer's office desks, bookcases &c. A door leading outside to R — One leading to Charles' bedroom to L. In the centre- folding doors lead to dining-room — Lorriner at desk. Lor. Four and two is six, and seven thirteen, how much did I carry ? — pshaw ! it is all to be done over again ! — Well, who would have said that this would be all the writing I would have to do? — Adding up washer- woman's bills. When I came here as master Charlie's clerk, 1 thought I would write briefs and decline all day Ions; but we, or at least, the master leads such a, racketty lite that I am kept busy sending off creditors and have no time for latin — in fact I've lost all taste for it — Sometimes I i egret my old trade — mercy ! some one com- ing ! — That will be the fifth dun since bitakfast! — I must look busy to inspire confidence Enter Horace, later Charles. Hor. Well, what's the matter? Lor. Oh ! Mr Graham ! — oh my master will be very glad to see youl — he is in for you ! Hor. (laughing.) Are you besieged? — Creditors get- ting obstreperous ? Chas. (coming out,) How are you ? As you see I have to be cautious — There is a constant ringing of the bell Hor. Why do you let yourself be annoyed in this way? — Why don't yo'u go to the old folks and tell them you want money ? Chas. I would not do it for the world ! — If they only knew to what extent I have deceived them, they'd never torgive me !— Hor. Pshaw ! why should not you enjoy yourself? — You are bound to have a snug little fortune of your own >ome day ; then, why not enj y it when you are young? you are only spending your own ; you have the same round sum set aside for you as your sister got when she nar:ied. Chas. By the bye !— have you seen my sister of late ? 54 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. I have not been there for an age — how is Maggie getting on? Holt. Lyndon is going to the bow-wows ! — ridiculous speculations; crazy to make a grand show to attract in- vestments. 1 have tried to advise him but it is of no use — he insists on going down hill Ids own way— I don't ging some real classic music in court, so the jury can judge for them- selves. Smith. That is a new idea. Lor. Quite! never been done before! — Mr. Charles relies a great deal on the effect, (singing of a low popu- lar song.) Smith. So that is the classic music she is to sing ? Lor. (shows embarrassment — chorus — Smith shaking him by the ear.) Smith. I suppose the jury is rehearsing the chorus, too, eh? — you lying villain, you take me for an old drivelling dotard, that you hope to deceive me by such tales ! Lor. (writhing in pain.) Oh ! sir ! — >please, sir ! — my ear, sir! — Smith, (still pulling his ear.) I leel as if I could twi.n your neck off. With your meek aiis and innocent tales, you nearly got me off the track ! — Ah ! you are Boo proud to take money — are you ?,— how much does my Son pay you for lying to me, eh ? (jerking him of.) Go and fetch my son ! Lor. (holding his ear ) The Lord have mercy on me ! what is going to happen ? Smith. Or rather, no ! — I'll 20 in myself! go in there! (showing the bedroom door) and dare to leave it at your peril ! Lor. (going in) I've done ail for the best. (Exit..) Smith, (alone.) I wonder if Johnson was not right after all ?— what if Charles were actually deceiving me, because I am a mere tradesman, ignorant of the path in which I have started him ? — I can't believe it of him ! — Why should he ? I have never denied the boy anything ! — he has had all he wanted? — and yet things certainly T. J. SMITH, BAITER. 63 look queer, I must say! perhaps I have stumbled on some merry making party and Lorriner was afraid to tell me it may not be as bad as Johnson would wish me to believe; when I was a lad, I did not have much time for fun, but I enjoyed it all the more when I could get a day. I could find no fault if Charlie gave him- self a holiday now and then if he works hard as he says he does, I should be glad that he does get some pleasure now and then but Johnson insists that he is never doing anything ; and that he has fallen into bad company, and systematically deceiving me I can't believe it of Charlie ! — I won't believe it ! — he has al- ways been such a good boy ! — well I'll soon know the worst ! {going towards the door, but hearing some one enter turns back.) Somebody ? Enter Skinner. Skinner. Mr. Charles Smith, if you please? — Smith. I am waiting for him myself, sir — Skinner. Ah — all right — still at lunch, eh? Smith. At lunch ? Skinner. Yes, with his friends. I know all about it; I can wait too. We must not disturb their youthful pleasures — Smith. So, so — it is only a lunch-party !— I thought there was something of the kind going on — (alond.) Who are you, sir ? — Skinner. Mr. Skinner — Samuel Skinner of Sudbury, not far from Sydenham. I am come on a little business with the young gentleman. Smith. Are you a client? — Skinner. A client ? Smith, (aside.) He looks like an honest manj! Skinned. A client? Why, are you acquainted with Mr. Charles Smith ? Smith. Certainly I know him quite well. Skinner. Then you must know that there is very lit- tle of the lawyer about him ! Smith, (uneasily.) Is that so ? Sk'inner. Are you one of his trades people ? — Smith. Precisely that's just what I am ! — I have provided him with a lot of things ; and I daresay, you 64 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. are one too — eh? you have a bill against him? — want money, eh ? Skinner. No — there you are mistaken ! — I am bring- ing him some — good news for you, eh ? — you have a chance of being paid at last — Smith, (bewildered.) I don't quite understand you? Skinner. Why, you see, I have a little farm, garden and so forth — I love the country, I live on my place — not far from the city ; I have a lodger who has saved a few- pennies — he is an invalid and he wants to invest his lit- tle savings in a profitable way, that will bring him a lit- tle more percentage than the bank — and when I come to town he wants me to find some safe investment for his few shillings Smith. I see; and you are the agent between the two parties Skinner. For a little consideration ! Smith. Of course and this young gentle- man here has sent for you ? Skinner. Yes. His friend Mr. Horace Graham came to fetch me — Smith. Mr. Horace Graham? — Skinner. A nice young man — has got me several bus- iness transactions, I mean to my lodger — out, of course, I am the responsible party — and as such, I must see that all is safe ; not that I know much about business — I only understand farming and gardening — The furniture is pretty good here — the books are nicely bound ! — the father came down handsomely, to attract clients for his precious lawyer son ! he he ! — do you know the old man? Smith. I have seen him sometimes ! Skinner. A retired hatter— eh ? Smith. Yes. Skinner A good-natured sort of fellow, eh ? — but no great shakes — eh ? Smith. I beg your pardon ? Skinner. I mean a kind of pokey slow-coach ? Smith. You think so ? Skinner. To speak plain English — a darned old fool, like his son ! — the chip and the block? Smith, (aside.) I feel like pitching this fellow out of T. J. SMITH, HATTER. 65 the window — only I can get some information out of him ! — Skinner. Is he as rich as he is said to be ? Smith. Well— he is comfortably well off — MvInner About fifty ? — Smith. Round about that? Skinner. Is he still in good health ? — looks strong, yet?-. Smith, strong? — I should think so ! — he is solid for thirty years more — and means to be too ! — Skinner. That's bad ! — the young one won't come into his money soon ! Smith (aside.) You rascal ! Skinner. The interest will have to be raised in con- s quence you see ! Smith. Of course ! (Laughter and noise ) Skinner. They are at the fruit and wine, now ! they are getting slightly excited. — J-mith. Is not that the good time for you to do busi- ness ? Skinner. He ! he ! — I see you understand the ropes ! Smith. You speak to him first; I can wait! Skinnerr. (laughing) AH right! — you want to see him after he has some money! — be! he! — we play into each other's hands ! — he ! he ! — Charles, (from within.) Lorriner ! Skinner He's coming ! — (^mith retires into the bed- room.) Enter Charles, excitedly. Chas. Lost again ? Lost ! — on one card ! — one card ! — (calling.) Where is this money-lender ? — Skinner. Here I am, sir ; at your service, sir — Chas. Oh ! you are the man, eh ? — Mr. Graham told me that you would consent to lend me — Skinner. Not I, sir — a lodger of mine. I'm only a simple farmer, I mind my garden — Chas. What do I care about that ? — I want five hun- dred pounds. Skinner, (handing a note.) All right, sir— against a note of hand that you will be pleased to sign, at five months date m T. J. SMITH, HATTER: Chas. Five months ! — that is a very shor Skinner. It can be renewed— you know ; we can see- to that later. Chas. Have you the money with you ? Skinner. Yes sir — here I have it — {handing bank notes.) Chas. Givo me the papsr ! (Is going to sign.) Skinner. You know the terms, of course ? Chas. No — Skinner. Five per cent and a small premium. Smith, (aside from the bedroom.) lie is not such a skinflint as I feared ! — Chas, That is all right sir, I accept them. Skinner. Here are your £300. Chas. 300 ! why I said £00— Skinner, Of course — but it is usual to deduct the pre- mium and interest. Chas. But five per cent does not make fr k inner. Certainly it does; five per cent a month for three months is £125, and 75 premium, makes 2 — take two from five leaves three and here you are ! — Smith, (aside ) The wretch ! Charles, (rising.) This is an extortion ! I'll not sign it! — k^MiTH. God be thanked ! he has not fallen so low yet! Skinner. Just as you please, sir. It is not my business it is my lodger's; lam only a farmer but it is the usual rate for risking money without any security. — you'll not find cheaper terms — - Chas. I'll do without, then ! — '111 not submit to this. Skinner. As you please ; I wish I had not left my garden to come to town for nothing. Chas. (aside.) And yet I have lost the fifty Horace lent me and I still owe Arthur ! — I must pay them immediately ; debts of honor — I must borrow ! and there is nobody I can ask ? (aloud.) Here, fellow ! where is that paper ! — I'll sign it and take your terms. Smith. Oh ! the fool ! instead of coming to me ! — Skinner, (counting the notes.) To-morrow the Dr. of the Life Insurance Company will call on you — it is usual. T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 67 Chas. What for ? Skinner. You must insure your life — you might die before your fathe: — of course, it is not probable, thank goodness ; but it is the custom. Smith, {covering his face) Oh ! — what a shame ! Chas Enough, sir, enough! — take the note — give me the money and go ! Smith, (snatching the note from him ) Unfortunate boy! What are you doing? Chas. (staggering ) My father ! Smith. Yes, your father, who has wanted to see how far misconduct could lead you ! Skinner. Do you mean to say you are the father? Smith. The darned old fool — yes sir. Skinner. Oh, if I had known. Smith. You need not apologize — you were perfectly right — I was an old fool to believe in the honesty and straightforwardness of this boy ! — I shall not be so how- ever, any longer! — take back your money, sir and leave u*! Skinner. One must be indulgent, sir. Young men will be young men — Smith, (in a rage ) Will you go away, yes or no ? Skinner, (sloiuly.) All right, sir — I wish I had not left my farm fortius — next time my lodger wishts to lend money he can do it himself — I only care for my garden — (Exit.) Chas. (humbly, as Smith walks excitedly about.) Father Smith, (stopping short in front of him to expostulate, but being too full for utterance only finds broken words.) That you after all my trust! Ah! you are a oh! it's infamous! oh!! (breaks down, tries to struggle ivith his emotion sits down and sobs aloud.) Charles, (rushing on his hues) Father! father! forgive me! I have done wrong, I know; but I'll atone for it all forgive me! Smith, (rising) Never! leave me! — you have hurt me beyond atonement ! to deceive me in this way ! Charles, (half rising holding Smith's hand.) Father, hear me ! forgive me ! I swear that henceforth 68 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Smith. {breaking from him.) Henceforth ? — hence- forth you'll be nothing to me! — you have injured me too deeply! leave me ! — I have not a child left !!! Enter Mrs. Smith. Mrs. S. Here I am! — here I am! — Good day Char- lie! — (to Smith.) I am come alone, but Johnson will be here directly. He came in huir.iedly, to say that he had heard some bad news and he wanted to know more about it — Why what is the matter with you both! — eh? — What is the matter with your father, f-oy ? — (shaking one after the other.) What is the matter with Charlie, father? — Will you speak out, some of you? Charlie, I will have you answer me ! — Smith. He is not going to answer you — but there is a crowd next door that can answer for him. You do not expect him to tell you that he has deceived us for months and months : lying to us a thousand times, by word, let- ter and deed ! — You do not expect him to tell you that all our hopes are blasted in him — that while we thought he was honestly studying in the career of his choice, he was throwing the raonev he drew from me on wine, wo- men and cards! — You do not expect him to stand up and say that this furniture, these books and the very coat on his back has remained unpaid, though I sent him good and heavy checks to cover the bills, and though those same bills were forwarded back to me, receipted— by whom? — by himself! to blind me to his reckless road to ruin ! Mrs. S. (sobbing amd holding Charles' hand whilst he is averting his face ) Charlie, Charlie ! — tell me this is a mistake! — Smith. Do you wish him to say he is no more a law- yer than you are ? — do you wish him to tell you that hav- iug run in debt and gambled away all available money, he found no honester way of getting more than by rais- ing money at 60 per. cent on the chance of our deaths ! Charles, (who has been bowed down with grief, turns round suddenly and kneels to his mother, sobbing.) Oh! no ! no ! no ! not that ! — I'm guilty of all the rest, but not of that ! — Mother, mother, have mercy on me, if he has not ! T. J. SMITH, HATTER 69 Smith, (throioing the crushed paper he holds.) There is the note ! — and there are the clients of your lawyer son ! — (dashing the door open he discloses the company at the table.) 8| 1*3. H. Oh! Charlie Charlie — say it is not true ! Horace, (comes down stage, slightly tipsy, a glass and napkin in his hands.) I say, Charlie are you going to be all night with old money-bags ? — here's to the innocent farmer and his lodger ! — Where is this pastoral usurer ? Mrs. S. Why, it is Mr. Graham! Horace, (to Snira.) Here, you swindling old jew, give us your money snd scoot ! — Hallo ! — the old hatter ! — by all that's crushing ! — and the old hatress, too ! — Whew ! — A nice kettle of fish ! — we must put on the best face we can ! — Come on and driukwithus! — have a glass! we are not proud, not a bit ! — the more the merrier ! come on!-- Charles, (to Horace ) Silence Horace ! the state in which you are — Smith. Why do you interrupt the gentleman ? what does it matter to you, that this fellow insults your par- ents ? It is not the first time; a week ago after in- sulting your sister with his unpleasant attentions he turned round and insulted your mother Chas. Insulted my mother ? — (rushing at him.) You are a scoundrel ! — Hor. Look out ! — what's the matter with you ? — Chas. Enough I say — (knocking his glass off.) If you are not too drunk to see it, I hope you understand that I wish to insult you ! — Johnsojt. (who has entered quietly a little while before.) You see for your self, my poor old friend, that I am not entirely mistaken ; I am sorry to be a bird of ill omen — unfortunately it peems to be my fate always to bring bad news; I have now ascertained the truth of a rumor I heard this morning, and you must know it, though it will be another blow to you — Smith. Say on, Johnson ! — nothing can hurt me more than the way I am disappointed in my children — say what you have to say man, what is it? Johnson. Your son in-law, Lord Iyndon, has rushed into speculations, honestly — bravely but recklessly ! the 70 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. cashier of his bank absconded Saturday night with all the funds on hand ; and here he is, on Monday morning, left to face the situation with his private resources — his lia- bilities are such, that on the Stock Exchange it is declared this will necessarily bring about the bankruptcy of all his other enterprises. Mrs. S. Merciful Heaven ! Smith. Poor Maggie ! Hor. Why! I could have told you that would be the end long ago ! — Mrs. S. (crying on Smith's shoulder) Ah! these are too many blows all at once! Smith, (sadly.) We have reaped what we have sown — we wanted to make our children a fine gentleman and lady — Mrs. S. I was the cause of it all, Tom ! Smith. Never mind — the milk is spilt— tt is no use crying now ! — Come on, wife ! Johnson. Where are you going to? Smith. To Lord Lyndon's to pee what I can do for him. Johnson. What ? after the other day's scene ? Smith, He is my daughter's husi and, and he needs me ! Come on, wife ! — (Mrs. S. seeing Charles bowed with grief rushes to him and kisses him on the sly. Exit.) Mrs. S. Here I am, Tom ! (to Johnson.) Do not leave Charlie alone ; try and learn all you can from him ! (Exit.) Hor. The old man has got grit in him. Chas. Yes, and heart too ! — and you have got nei- ther ! Horace, (scornfully.) My dear boy, if you are fish- ing for a fight, you can have it for the asking. Chas. This very instaut! — Hor. No, thanks! — I do not whip puppies after meals- — it spoils digestion — you can send me your seconds to-morrow. Chas. I shall ! Horace, (insolently.) Oh ! by the by you might give your saconds the £50 you owe mt — I'll funor your challenge when you honor your debt — besides you had better square yourself all round, for I have an unlucky T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 71 knack of being a first-rate shot and a champion swords- man. Johnson, (advancing ) Mr. Charles Smith owes you £50 ? — Please have the kindness to draw on me for that amount. Horace (staggered.) Oa you? Who the devil are you ? Johkson. (very politely, but looking him straight in- the eyes) Cipt. Johnson, of the Merchant Marine Ser vice, and Mr. Charles Smith's second. Here is my card! (Tableau — Curtains.) ACT IV. A parlor in Lord Lyndon's mansion. Sofa and doob to L., a fireplace. Boor at the rear; door to R. a tarel with a bell — Margaret. Marg. (seated on the sofa and holding an open letter in her hand.) Three o'clock ! Ah ! here he is ! — (goes to the door and listens.) No ! — not a sjund ! (rings the bell, Ry- an answers.) At what o'clock did Lord Lyndon leave this morning? Ryan. At seven — Marg. What message did you say he left for me ? Ryan. My lord told me to give Your Ladyship the note as soon as ^our Ladyship appeared at breakfast — Marg. He said nothing else ? Ryan. No mv lady. Marg. That's all. (Ryan bows and leaves — She reads the letter.) " Do not worry unnecessarily, dear Maggie !" — Not worry ! — when he knows that ruin stares us in the tace and our name is going to be dragged into the bank- ruptcy court; (reading) "The loss may not be as consid- erable as I first thought — I have some hopes of warding off the first brunt of the blow — If I succeed in the steps I am now taking I may gain time — and time is everything — All my hopes lay on two friends — if they consent to help me, I may still keep my head above water— I shall come or let you know a3 soon as I have good news" — (aside) it is three o'clock and he is not home yet ; that means he has not succeeded and he wants me not to worry! — (Listening) Ah — this time yes — here he is ! 72 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Enter Lyndon Margaret, (running to kiss him.) Well ? what news ? Lyndon, (disconsolately) Bad!— I have failed every- where; of the two friends on whom I relied one can't, the other won't I thought of a rich old friend of my father's but — he is away on the Continent — they do not know his exact whereabouts — and I can't go telegraph- ing my rum at random all over Europe for the very plim chance of his helping; me out of it ! (sitting on the sofa ) Margaret, (sitting by him.) Then you have no more hope ?— Lyndon. No ! — Maggie, we are doomed ! — this week will see my name in the bankruptcy court and all our property will be seized for the creditors ; I 6ee no escape — We can conceal the state of affairs for another day or two — but unless some unexpected friend comes to our rescue, I don't see...... .. Marg. Friends? we have a great many of them — and you have helped several yourself —but why need we appeal to them — cannot we supply the deficiency from our own resources Lyndon. My poor child! all we have between us will not cover one fourth of the bank's ind btedness ! — I never involved more in my speculations than I knew I could cover at the worst : and though these failures in the other banks have shak n mine pretty severely, I could have weathered the storm; but now, with this ras- cally cashier running away with all the available capi- tal of the bank, what remains, when realized at a loss, would not pay sixpence on the pound? Marg. This is dreadful ! Lyndon. It is, darling— I shall not survive this ; it will kill me! — Marg. (kissing him,) Henry ! Lyndon. You have heard nothing here? No commu- nication from the police, eh ? Marg. None ! Lyndon. The rascal was too sharp for detection. You see he must have stolen the money as he closed the bank on Saturday ; that gave him time to cross to the continent Saturday night and to travel all Sunday and the best part of Monday before the detectives were put in T. J. SMITH, BAITER. 73 possession of the facts — He can have cashed all the draft* Monday morning before any of us knew of the robbery ! As thfy have not yet caught him, there is no hope for me ; he has had time to get out of their reach — if they catch him late it will do me no good — he will have spent the money or concealed it and in the mean time I shall have had to face the world as a bankrupt! — Well, good bye dearest, I must be off again; something might hap- pen if I could only gain time t though I don't see what — I have made a list of mv most intimate friends and that is my last resource. Ryan, (announcing ) Mr. Claverland is in the library. Lyndon, (to Maggie.) He is one of those I thought of! — Tell him to walk in here!— What can bring him here to-day ? Perhaps he has heard of the flight of that scnondrel and he comes to sympathize — Courage Maggie — there is hope ! — He could help me if he wants to — -ind why should he call now if he does not? Enter Arthur Claverland. Arthur. Good day, old boy, good day— Lady Lyn- don, I am your humble servant — Lyndon, (shaking hands.) My dear fellow, you do not know how much I appreciate your visit at this par- ticular moment Arthur. Is that sarcastic ? as censure for my absence since your last party? I plead guilty, but, 'pon my word I was contemplating a 1 call, when your kind invitation reached me this morning — Lyndon, (aside astonished.) Mv invitation ?....,.... Maegaret. (aside.) What does he mean ? Lyndon, (aside.) This is a mistake — did you invite him? RYAn. (announcing.) Mr. Compton, and Mr. Blan- chard. Enter Mr. Compton and Mr. Blanchard — later Admi- RAt and Lady Lyndon. Compton. Good evening, my dear fellow, (shaking hands.) Lady Lyndon, (bowing.) Lyndon I am delighted to see you. (aside) Why 74 T J. SMI1H, HATTER. what a strange coincidence What can bring them all here ? — Have they already heard of my trouble, or ia it mere chance ? — Ryan. Admiral Lyndon ! Lady Lyndon ! Lyndon, (astonished ) Why ! mv dear uncle ! — Admiral. Good day, my boy ! — (to Marg.) My dear little niece, you have certainly got an enormous influence on me, to succeed in getting me to leave my dull home to accept your invitation — I am not like Mr. Clave rland here, the pleasures of the table have no longer any at- traction for me. Makgaret. (aside ) Pleasures of the table ? Lyndon, (aside ) Her invitation ? — Lady L. My dear daughter, I sacrificed my favorite opera to come to you — But your invitation was so presB- Lyndon, (aside walking up to Marg) Why then, you have asked them to come ? Margaret, (aside.) No indeed! — I thought perhaps you had? Lyndon, (aside.) I ? — I have trouble enough on my mind without thinking of dinner parties — Margaret, (aside.) What are we to do ! — I gave no orders of course — Lyndon, (aside.) This must be a hoax — We'll have to explain Smith, (outside.) Never mind, never mind ; I'll go in without being announced ! Marg. My father ! Lyndon. Your father ? Marg. He came to see me yesterdav — but he did not want me to tell you. Enter Smith. Smith. Good day children — ladies and gentlemen. I am happy to meet you. Lady L. (aside.) The old hatter here ! Smith, (to Lyndon.) All right, son-ia-law — all right ! — I know you did not expect to see me again, alter — well, never mind — I have come without being asked though I said I would never cross your threshold again but T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 75 when I am needed I do without an invitation and Eome- times, when it is necessary, I invite others. Lyndon, (aside ) It's he who has asked all these people — what does this mean? Smith. I see my dear son-in-law that you have here quite a phalanx ot faithful friends constant and de- voted I am glad to notice it under the circumstan- ce". Lady L. What circumstances ? August. What does he mean ! Admiral, (aside ) What is the old boy after ? Lyndon, (to Smith.) For Heaven's sake if you have heard something — keep still — before these people — Smith, (aloud.) Lord Lyndon this is no longer time for concealment, false pride, social vanity and so forth — you must set all that aside — Lyndon. Mr. Smith ? Smith. There is nothing tn be ashamed of; it is no crime; mere misfortune. Well there — as, I see you have not told them the whole story — I'll tell it for you — but (turns Ryan out of the room) just go your ways and don't come until we ring for you ! Lady L. (aside.) Th6 old hatter makes himself quite at borne. Marg. Father! Smith. Well, my friends, this is the thing — Lord Lyndon has been dabbling in various speculations as you know — all very honestly, with some very fine promise of success, only they have not succeeded, but he might have riggled out of it somehow by himself and the world would not have been the wiser for it — were it not for a rascally cashier by the name of Strand who absconded Saturday evening last, with all the available cash of the bank — (General movement.) Yes, a clean sweep ; the detectives are after him but very probably too late to catch him — Yes my friend ; I am sorry to say it, this places Lyndon on the very verge ot bankruptcy ; everything being in- volved he can turn towards nothing to replace the defi- ciency— he can only rely on bis friends ; all of us here are his only protection against ruin ; as you see, we are very far off from a dinner party — In fact we are all here assembled to see what best each of us can do for him ; by 76 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. making an effort we can save him. Now gentlemen — the proposals are open ! — who speaks first ? (silence.) Lady L. This is a most dreadful event ! — so unex- pected ! — Admiral. Why if a fifty pound cannon-bUl had knocked me on the head it could not have ;up?et me more ! — August, (to Compton. If that is all we have been in- vited for ! — Smith. I see gentlemen, that what I have just said affects you sincerely — this tells well for the goodness of your hearts and the love you all bear to Lord Lyndon — you do not wish it to be said that you were only his friends around his table or in his ball-room — Now you are going to prove yourselves friends in need and friends indeed ! August. Certainly, (aside.) I suppose the old man wants to save his daughter's portion from the general wreck — (hunts for his liat) SmIth. (aside, seing MR. Compton take his hat and sneak out.) The exits are beginning — just look at 'em ! August, (shaking hands!) Lyndon — Words are use- less in such cases ; I'll see what I can do for you ; my heart is with you — good bye — good bye — (Exit.) Smith. It would be more practical if he left his purse with you instead of his heart — Blanchard, (shaking hands ) Lyndon—I am too full for utterance — you understand me — good bye good bye — (Exit.) MarG. Ah ! my dear Henry, these are the friends you relied on so much ! Lyndon. Yes — the whole list of them ! — all gone ! Admiral. All the better my boy, all the better — you see exactly what kind of friends they are — Now that we are rid of them, and I think it is a blessimg, let us hear the facts of the case, my dear sir. Smith. As you say, Admiral, let us face the game as it stands — and if possible let us repair the damage among ourselves and keep it hushed up. I think we may suc- ceed in covering the losses between us. To begin with the most serious, and the one that leaves no chance of gaining time is the whole deposit in the bank carried off by the cashier— £70,000. T J. SMITH, HATTER. 77 All £70,000 ! Smith — A deposit — a sacred trust — that can be claimed any minute by the depositors — and that must be paid down to a penny on the spot — or bankruptcy is declared ; and you all know that as soon as the news that the cash- ier has run away with the money oozes out aa it is bound to do, there'll be a rush on the bank, ihe question is what can we all do, towards supplying the deficiency ? Admiral. This is terrible ! — To have our name dragged into the courts ! I can do nothing to help you ! — You know I have no fortune of my own — only my pro- fession ; I was a second son — I live on my pension — I have saved a few hundred pounds here and there — You may have them and welcome — I can part with half my pension ! — It will go pretty hard with me at my age, but what is all this, my little all, towards £70,000 — it would not satisfy as much as one single creditor. Lyndon. My dear uncle such a sacrifice — Smith, (shaking him by the hand) Admiral, you are what I call a man ! Admiral. I have always tried to be! — Mr. Smith, we'll put down in black and white presently what little I can provide in the emergency — But you my dear sis- ter-in-law, you must be able to do better Lady L. I hope none of you doubt my affection for my son ! "Smith. Of course not, Lady Lyndon, we all know that — and knowing also that your dower portion and pri- vate fortune were considerable, I have heard it said you had an income of six to seven thousand pounds — Lady L. (mortified and crushed.) I ao not deny it — Smith. Well then, by immediately converting the in- vestments into cash you can help us considerably ; lend your son as much of your capital as will be necessary to resist the rush and we shall all pledge ourselves that your injome will not suffer from it and we'll do our utmost to restore your capital in its integrity in time ! — Let Lyndon bridge over this momentary difficulty and with prudence he can retrieve his fortunes without loss — Lady L. This is dreadful ! — My son, one word with you — 78 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Admiral. Speak aloud, sister — we are all onje family here — Lady L. Well then my son — I have a painful reve- lation to. make to you.. Smith. How so ? — Lady L. I have — imprudently, I acknowledge — de- prived myself of the means of helping you — but who could foretell what happens now ? — how could I guess that my husband's fortune would melt in my hands? — My expenses to keep up my station in society were be- yond my income — and as I thought everything looked bright in my eon's future I — Admiral. You don't mean to say you sank your cap- ital in a life interest? Lady L. (bowing her head.) Yes — Smith. A life interest and you a mother ! Lyndon. Mr. Smith! Smith. Give away your capital ! ' Lyndon. Mr. Smith, recollect she is my mother ! Smith. Has she recollected it? Lady L. Mr. Smith, I have fulfilled all a mother's duties. Smith. Those duties end only with death. Admiral. He is right. Lady L. Mr. Smith, I may Have acted' imprudently, as I now see by the ruin of my son ; he has a right to accuse me. Lyndon.. Mother! Lady L. But as for you, sir, you must feel safe — your daughter is not involved in my son's ruin. Her for- tune is secured by a mortgage of this mansion and its contents — and the sale will amply cover all she brought my son — Smith. My daughter's fortune?— Do you think my daughter would help to swindle honest creditors by sheltering herself to their disadvantage ? by putting in a full claim on the only available property they can look foward to ? — Even if there is a chance for her by law', my daughter considers that her husband's honor is her own ; and to pay her husband's debts she'd sell her jew; els and her dresses! she'd take to work, if necessary, T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 79 rather than be a rich woman but the wife of a bankrupt ! —and if she did otherwise I'd discard her forever ! Margaret, {embracing him) My dear father ! Lady L. Mr. Smith, such noble sentiments ! Forgive me for having mistrusted you. In the face of such ab- negation I feel powerless — still, I will try ; I may per- haps retrieve, in a certain measure the loss of my capital — I must consult my lawyer — and shall do my best to de- serve my son's blessing | Smith. Lady Lyndon, a willing heart can do much — Admiral. Come along, sister, I'll help you to fight both lawyers and companies ; good bye Lyndon ; I'll be back presently and report progress. {Exeunt.) Smith, {walking up and down ) I do not doubt their good will — but it won't amount to much ! What can be done?— Seventy thousand pounds immediately, without counting the rest ..where can they be raised? — and all by myself! — for I see no serious help around Oh! if I were still in business! my name on the Stock Exchange would cover all ! — but now......... Lyndon. I have written to my stockbroker to see if he will not negotiate some shares and obtain delays on their payment ; he was aosent, but I expect his answer any minute. Ente Ryan with a letter and exit. Ha ! — this is his answer! — {opens the letter feverishly .) Smith, {aside observin ghim) He grows very pale !— Margaret, {running to Lyndon.) Well ? — Lyadon. {folding the letter and pretending satisfac- tion.) Well, my dear, there is hope — great hope! He wants to see me to discuss matters I am going im- mediately — I must take some papers from my desk — I shall be back ptesently. {goes in at E.) Marg. heaven grant this hope may be real! {to Smith who has been looking through the chink of the door.) Father, what do you think ? — do you doubt his succeed- ing? Smith, {very serious, gazing intently at the door and waivinyher back.) No — I have no doubt ; I am very sure now — Lyndon, {re-enters, pale and his coat buttoned up closely — he takes his hat and kisses Maggie nervously?) Good bye, good bye. 80 T. J. 8MI1H, HATTER Marg. You'll return immediately, won't you ? Lyndon. Of course, of course — And you sir, I have been very ungrateful towards you ; I have repulsed your affection and your friendship, c?n you forgive me? Smith, (holding his hand mid retaining it.) On one condition ! Lyndon. Which ? Smith. Give me the letter you just received — Marg. The answer of the stockbroker ? Smith. Yes. Lyndon. But that letter Smith. That letter was an absolute refusal ! — do not deny it, I saw it in your countenance! Marg. He was deceiving me ! Smith. And his farewell to you was an eternal one ! — Marg. What ? Lyndon. Mr. Smith ! Smith, No use denying. I have seen you! — Give me that pistol you took out of your desk! Marg. (falling on her knees.) Ah ! Lyndon, (trying to extricate his hand.) Mr. Smith ! Smith, (opening London's coat and taking the revol- ver.) Come, come, I want that pistol ! — (letting go his hold on Lyndon who flings himself on the sofa and buries his head in his hand.) Killing yourself, forsooth ! a fine way to pay your debts ! — What is to become of your creditors? — Having lost their money, do you wish to de- prive them of the only security left them, your honor, your honesty and your life ? — Your death at your hands now, would be nothing but a cowardly swindle ! Lyndon, (starting up.) Mr. Smith ! Smith. That's it ! — be a man ! Face your trouble like a man, and do not leave weeping women to struggle through the misery you have not dared to face ! — Do your best, and we'll all help you ! — I can sell all the property I have only just bought — a clean sweep of my investments may cover all your immediate trouble. Then, I am still hale, my head is clear — my health is good — my commer- cial reputation perfect, it is not too late for me to re-enter business, and T. J. Smith will be a hatter again ! Marg. My dear father ! T. J. SMI1H, HATTER. 81 Enter Charles. Chas. I hope I ain come in time ! Smith, (sternly.) You here, sir? Chas. Father, let me earn your forgiveness ! — Listen to me, I am not here for my own account ; Augustus has just left me after telling me the utter ruin that faces Lyn- don. He is my brother-in law — my sister's husband Smith. Well, sir?— Chhs. Am I right, when I say that you had set aside for my future establishment a sum equal to my sister's dowry ? Smith. So I have. Chas. Well then, allow me to dispose oi it in favor of Lyndon, to bridge over this difilcultv. He can return it later— Maeg. You dear brother ! Smith, (shaking his hand,) That's my son again — now I know you, Charlie. Lyndon. I can't accept it! — I won't bring ruin all round me in this way — Smith. You must do it, my dear Lyndon ; save the family name and honor first — you can then take steps to repay us ! Enter Mrs. Smith out of breath, followed by Lady Lyn- don and Admiral — later Lorriner and Johnson Mrs. S. Oh, Mr. Smith if you only knew! Oh, Maggie, just fancy. Marg. What ? Smith. What's the matter ? Mrs. S. The matter ? — Oh, mercy I am so out of breath I met Lady Lyndon and brought her back and it nearly made her faint! Smith. What is it anyhow ? — Mrs. S. You know Johnson had left London last night to go to Southampton to see his old vessel sail under her new captain. Smith, Well, what about Johnson ? — - "* Mrs. S. The dear, good old soul that he is ! Smith. Never mind his soul ! Has anything happened tc his body ? — 82 T. J. SMITH, HATTER. Mrs. S. Of course not— You know he took the train — he is coming to tell you himself — Oh my ! I have no breath left. I ran so fast ! (sits down.) Enter Lorriner rushing in. Lor. It is perfectly true, Mr. Smi-th ! Smith. What is? Lor. What Mrs. Smith has just told you! Smith. She hasn't said a thing, except that Johnson is — Lor. Exactly, sir ? He is come back ! — Enter Johnson. Johnson. And brought company with me! — Your friend Strand, my lord! All. Strand ? the cashier ? Johnson. In the train I noticed a fellow who ans- wered your description — I kept my eye on him without really expecting I should be lucky enough to hit on the right man ; he went on board my old vessel ; I followed him when he registered his name — He laid his hat beside him and as he paid his fare my eye happened to glance at the inside and I recognized a T. J. Smith mark on it. Smith. One of my hats ! Johnson. Yes, and also a large S. At that moment he gave his name to the clerk as Blandford — I involun- tarily touched the hat to see if it was not a B. instead of an S., when my man sprang like a tiger and tried to snatch it from me. A sudden inspiration struck me ... I said: " Your name is not Blandford !" " Here is an S !'' A regular struggle for the hat ensued, his anxiety to re- cover it confirming my suspicions; at last I attempted to snatch the initial off to show the by-standers, when the whole lining came with it Smith, (exultingty.) That's my double lining patent! Johnson. But I don't think you lined many hats like that one ! Smith. All my hats are made alike ! — Johnson. But this one had stuffing in it! When the lining came off, what should drop out but a perfect deluge T. J. SMITH, HA1TER. 83 of bank notes, shares, bills and so forth ! — just like a legerdemain trick. Lyndon. What? the money recovered ? Johnson. The whole amount ! In a flash there were ten hands on his shoulders and about ten people on their knees picking up the bills ! A few minutes after, he was in Southampton jail and the money in Southampton bank! Lyndon. Capt. Johnson, you have saved my life ! — (General handshaking.) Smith. Nevertheless, after this scare T. J. Smith will re-open his business. Charles. And it shall be called T. J. Smith & son. Smith. That's my boy ! Be a good hatter rather than a bad lawyer ! Johnson. And I shall be the Co. Lor. And I'll be foreman again ! Mrs. S. And we shall all be good friends at la-t ! Lady L. All one family, Mrs. Smitlv-you have all proved to us that you were ours, both heart and soul ! Mrs. S. You must come and see us. Lyndon, (to Mrs. Smith.) Mother, you shall be satis- fied with your children ! Smith. Mother !— he has said mother ! — The stiffness is all gone out of him ! Now you are my son-in-law ! — We shall not visit you and trouble you — You'll come to us on Sundays when we are at leisure and during the week — (to the public) T. J. Smith will be at his old stand, glad to welcome his old customers and friends. (Curtain.) LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 016 102 622 # LIBRARY OF CONGRESS up 016 102 622