6Sf CZMSEMI mm GTS SKETCHES - AN D^* t*t VAipfYBUSINESS. igTAviog Worki, 2-1 \ . *tf p 1 Copyrighted by A. J. Fisher, 24 Vesey street, New York, 1879. Suspicion and Simplicity. SENSATIONAL COMEDY SKETCH. BY SAUL SKKTREW. CHARACTERS. Lady. Gent. SCENE — A drawing room. JVindozv in flat with blinds to open and shut. Table L. id E., with books, newspaper and vase for flowers; chairs A', and L.; door L. 3d E. Enter Lady id E. /,.. with boquet of 'flowers in her hand; places flowers in vase on table, and arranges books. Lai>v — Well, I am sure I have nothing to complain ot so far in my married life ; my husband is a dear, kind, good- '-ed fellow, and I do love him so. Now I think of it, he is a trifle jealous at times • but then I suppose all men are more or less so. I do everything I can to please him, and I do think he is the charmingest little fellow in the whole world He said he should be home early, so I shall look out of the window and watch for him. (Goes to window and looks out.) There he is coming down the street ; I'll wave my handkerchief to attract his attention. I'll throw him a kiss, too. He is coming up-stairs. (Waves handkerchief.) Enter Gent. Gent (aside) — I thought as much ; my own eyes couldn't be deceived. I have caught her in the very act itself. Oh, that we should call these fair creatures ours and not their appetites'. LADY — What is that, my dear ; did you say you had a good appetite? Gent — Woman ! what were you doing at that window when I entered? Don't deny it. I saw you winking and throwing kisses at that ugly old curmudgeon opposite ; I saw you with these eyes, madam ! Lady — Now, my dear, be calm ; I was only waving my handkerchief to you, that's all. Gent — Madam, you're a falsehood ; I mean that's a false- hood ! Why should deceit dwell in such a fair form ? Lady — You ought to be ashamed of yourself to accuse your own wedded wife of such a thing. I'll go back to my mother this very hour, there. (Cries.) I'll go to Indiana ; I'll — I'll go to Salt Lake ; I'll go now, I will. (Preparing to go.) Gent — Madam, this is a scheme, a plot ! You are going to meet the fellow across the way. (Strides up and down.) I'll have his blood, blood ! Iago, blood ! Lady — I shan't go ! I'll stay here if that will please you. Come, don't be angry with me ; I have done nothing to make you jealous. Let me ring and have our supper brought in here, and we will have such a cozy nice evening together. Won't you, my dear ? (Caresses him.) Gent — Ah, my darling, who can be angry with you long ? (They embrace.) Lady — Now sit down, dear, and we'll have such a nice time. Gent (takes chair) — Now, I won't quarrel any more, my dear. I'll be a good boy, and we'll be so happy. Lady — Yes, my duck ; won't we get along nicely now ? I'll just close the blinds and then we'll have supper, and every- thing will be so nice. (Closes blinds.) Gent (jumps up) — Ah, what is the meaning of that? By the dogs, it is a signal ! There is some ill brewing against my rest. Woman, come here ! Don't deny it ! I'm con- vinced, whatever you may say to the contrary, that your doss- ing those blinds was only a signal, madam ! (Walks furiously up and down.) Yes, madam ! Lady — Oh dear, you wrong me ; indeed you do. I am innocent. Why can't I ever close a window or look out of one but I must be suspected? Gent — Madam, I believe that you have a plot against my life. But I'll prevent its execution. There, ma'm, there ! (overturns chairs) there ! Lady — Sir, you accuse me wrongfully ! I am innocent ! I shall leave your house immediately ! (Going.) Gent — Stay ! (Aside — After all, I may have been too rash.) Darling, forgive me ; the fact is, I am almost out of my head. Come, sit down. There, let's make it all up. (They sit.) Lady — Now, dear, I'm so glad you've got over your tan- trums. Gent — Darling, get me the Herald from the table, won't you? Lady — (gives paper) — Certainly, my pet. Gent (reading) — Let me see — Marriages, Divorces, Dogs Lost and Found, Stocks, Babies for Adoption, Criminal Intel- ligence, Personals — Ah, what do I see? Now, by heaven ; I would not this believe but for the sensible avouch of mine own eyesight ! Lady — What is it, dear? Gent — False woman ! Hark ! (Reads.) " Lady in blue, meet me to-night; don't forget. 'Barkis is willin';' you know how it is yourself." Lady — Well, my love, I see nothing in that to cause you uneasiness. Gent — Madam, you dress in blue ! Lady — I do. Gent (draws her mysteriously to the footlights) — Madam, I suspect you ! T'd rather be a dog than live in this torment ! On horror's head horrors accumulate. Lady — Let me be ! Gent — Swear you are true to your Adolphus ! Lady — I do ! I am like the snow ! Gent — Oh, torment ! shall I forgive her? I shall ; I think 4 I am a trifle too suspicious ; and she is so ir.nocent and con- fiding, I can't believe her untrue. Are there not more blue dresses than one in the world ? LADY — You ought to be ashamed to put any faith in those naughty "Personals." Gent — Come to my heart, this once, and we shall never have one word in anger again. There ! I promise to be the best of husbands. Lady — Won't you ever be jealous again ? Gent — Never ! I swear. Lady (offering her lips) — Now kiss the book, and I'll be- lieve you. Gent (kissing) — I'm the happiest fellow alive ! Lady — I hate suspicion. (A duet, or the song " Kiss and Make Up," can be introduced here.) Gent — Now, my dear, we have made it all up, and I think the best thing to do is to have a nice little supper and a pleas- ant tete a tete. I'll go and order supper. We won't disturb the servants, it's. so late. At the same time I'll get a bottle of wine to revive my drooping spirits. Lady — Very well, my sweet ; I'll content myself till your return. Gent — Ati revoii- ! [Exit. Lady — What a foolish fellow ! But I think he's good- hearted and means well ! Oh, if I could only cure him of this jealousy ! I have it ! I'll go and get his cloak and per- sonate the old curmudgeon across the way, and find out really if he is jealous or not ! (She goes outside and sings in a changed voice the following song, as if under the window some one is serenading her) : Come, oh, come with me, The moon is beaming ; All around the house The cats are screaming. Hasten, darling one, My sweetest dove, Moonlight hours are made for love. 5 Enter Gent, with basket of refreshments. Goes to table and places basket thereon. Gent — Now, my love, I've brought a nice supper. (Hears singing outside. Listens.) I wonder what and who that is ! (Goes to window listens, and returns.) Ah, by heavens ' Now I am satisfied ! (Looks at basket.) Avaunt and quit my sight ! There is no speculation in those eyes : (Throws basket aside.) Woman, thou art a falsehood ! (Goes to win- dow.) Who is that serenading her right under my very nose ? (Turns from window, as if to address some one.) Where is the handkerchief I gave you ? (Discovers she has gone.) No one here ! (Looks about.) Ah she's gone to meet that old curmudgeon across the street ! (Walks up and down.) Now, by St. Paul, the work goes bravely on ! I'll cross the de- stroyer of my peace though Hades itself should gape. Yes. it's that old curmudgeon serenading her beneath my very nose. Oh. would that he were here ! I'd tear him all to pieces. (Strides up and down) as Enter Lady ; disguised as a man. Wears a large cloak over her ires i and slouch hat. Has a cane in her hand, and t strikes the floor with cane as she enters. Lady — I am here (walks dignifiedly), and you are the very man I've been longing to see. I'll have you understand, sir you shall not call me an old curmudgeon, and I want satisfac- tion, sir ; satisfaction, sir ! (Walks up and down as if in a rage, and strikes floor with cane.) Pistols or broad swords ! Choose your weapons ! Gent (alarmed) — But, sir. I never shot a pistol oft* in my life, unci my wife would die if she knew I was going to fight ■ duel ! Lady — Your wife, sir, has departed this life ere this — per- haps now is food for the fishes ! Gent (horrified) — My wife departed this life ! What do you mean, sir' I don't understand you ! 6 Lady — You have driven her to desperation by your inces- sant jealousy ; and, full of grief and despair, she has ended her misery by throwing herself into the river ! Gent (amazed) — My wife destroyed herself? Impossible ! Lady (hands note) — Read for yourself. This note was found pinned to her shawl, which was picked up by a boat- man on the beach. Gent (reads note nervously) — Yes, this is the handwriting of my wife. (Starts.) And what is this I read ! (Reads aloud.) " Your conduct toward me has been unbearable. I could not endure it any longer. Your incessant jealousy has driven me to desperation, and to end my misery I have thrown myself" — (Drop: note and staggers to a chair. ( Oh, I can read no further ! My eyes fail me, my head swims around, and I feei as if I should go mad > And I have been the cause of her committing this rash act ■ Yes, I have driven her from me by my horrible jealousy ! I have killed her ! I have murdered her I Oh I shall go mad ! (Bows his head in his hand.) Lady — Ah there are some men in this world that nevex appreciate the worth of a good and loving wife until she has gone. Gent (appealingly) — Oh, sir, do you think she has really thrown herself in the river ? Oh, give me one spark of hope ! Is there no possibility that there may be some mistake, and she has not committed this rash act ? Oh, I do love her so ! I could not live without her ! Lady — There is no doubt, sir, but that she has consigned herself to a watery grave. Gent — And perhaps now her body may be floating out with the tide — far, far out to sea, and I shall never see her again ! Oh, if she were only here once more sitting in her little chair and her sweet far-e beaming on me, I'd never say an angry word to her, or ever be jealous again ! Lady (aside) — Oh, I can't stand this much longer. I'll have to make myself known. I never knew he loved me so much. Gent (strides up and down) — Oh, why do I stop here when I should be in search of her ! Yes, I will go in search of my darling, and if I should not find her I will throw myself into the river and join her in that watery grave ! (Going off.) LADY (aside and alarmed — Oh mercy, he will do something desperate ; I must make myself known, No. not yet, he is too much excited, he might kill me for this deception.) Stay, rash man ; it is useless to go in search of her ; she is far beyond your reach. Becalm and compose yourself; do not mourn for a woman that would so cruelly desert her husband and disgrace her family name by committing that unpardon- able act called suicide. There are other women in this world far better than she. Come, calm yourself ; cheer up, let her go ; she is not worth all this grief. Gent (angry) — What, do you mean to insult me, sir, by speaking so light of my wife. I love her better than my own life, and I will not take a word against her from any man. Come, sir, I refused to fight when you entered, I now insist upon it. Come, where are your pistols ? Lady — I have none. Gent (going off) — Then I will procure them. [Exit hurriedly. LADY (alarmed) — Oh mercy, I will he murdered if I do not make myself known to him, and perhaps if I should he may kill me for this deception. Oh, I am satisfied that he loves me. I must, I will make myself known at all hazard. I hear his footsteps, he is coming. (Throws her disguise aside, takes book from table and sits in chair, facing audience, as if reading.) Enter Gent, brandishing pistols. Gent — I have procured the pistols ; now I will lock the doors and prevent all intrusion. (Goes to doors as if locking them.) 8 Lady (very much alarmed) — Oh, I wonder if the pistols are loaded ? Oh, mercy, what shall I do ? I will be mur- dered in cold blood ! Gent (comes forward quickly, holding out pistols) — Now, ?ir, I am ready, and here are the pistols ; choose for yourself. (Stops suddenly and looks astonished.) Gone, not here ! and oh, horror, what is this, what do I see before me ? In place of a man I behold a woman, and she — my wife ! No, (trem- bling all over) it's a ghost ! (drops pistols) It's a ghost, it's her ghost, come to rebuke me for my cruelty. Oh, horrors, I shall go mad ! this apparition will drive me insane ! I will end my misery at once ; I will blow my brains out now. (Suddenty picks up pistol and points it at his head. She screams. He drops pistol and stands amazed.) Oh, what do I hear, the voice of my wife ! (She drops book and faints ; he runs to her.) Yes it is, my darling wife, and alive to me once more ! (Falls on his knees.) Oh, speak to me, speak to me, my darling wife ! Oh, forgive me ; forgive me ; I will never be jealous or cause you sorrow again ! Oh, say that you will forgive me ? let me hear thy sweet voice once more ! (Feels of her hand ; starts suddenly.) Oh, heavens, her hand is cold as ice ; oh, she is dead ! Lady (jumps up suddenly) — No, I am alive and kicking ! Gent (delighted) — Oh, my wife ; my darling wife ! (They embrace.) Oh, is this a dream, or what does it mean ? Lady — Yes, it's a dream, and I'll tell you all about it in my song. (Both sing duet.) "DON'T BE JEALOUS, DARLING." Air : " Don't Get Weary." Curtain. DIMXI SONG BOOKS i illy Vnrden. :i. Johnny Wlld'i I >:»t Settl u ade, i'.. Harrigan A I In I Behind tli.- i' in. M II. Fo; 11. M mi'. rniic. 15. \V i 16. Johnny i ild. 17. 1 want tn go Home to Mama, is. Luke Scli. 19. Billy Cottou'i Old Ilia. I lehantv .*; II 81. BtllleA Ma Hi! Log Cabin. Vudrew'i Watei Melon Mm. mny when you Feel, Ac. •.'4. Harrigan A Hart'i Mil 1 1 loan Guards. 85. Walton and Morton 'i My Gal. '.'ii. Billy ' .' Banjo Solo. :''•. Johnson >v Power's Little Moke. 88. Jens. ol tin- Hat. 50. Freeman Sisters' On Board the Mary I 51. Jennie Hughes 1 I Shonld I.H. 38. Woman** Temperance. Hams' Belle of the Ball. :i4. The Fielding*' Tlppprary Couple. I ! irrigan A Hart'i Tom Coll Id .v Bradlej 87. Larry Tooley's Bounelug Dutchman. 38. Harrigan .v. Hart'i Regular Army . 89. Ain't you Awful. 40. Harrigan A Hart'i Patrlok'i Day Parade. -II. Arnold Brnthei ind Dunce. 4.'. Diamond A Ryan'i Irish Hod Can irrigan & Hart'i Mulligan Grd*(94 An. Prde) 44. Band ford A Wilson's Musical Mokes. 46, Harrigan .v Hart'i Skldiuore Guards. 4'i. Hills Conrtwrighi'i Flewy, Flewy, Flewy Sngstr 47. Harper A Stanslll'i One Legged Songster. KSter. 60. Jenny Moi 61. Foy Sister* Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. bj. Wil.l A Bradley Theatre Coinique. lice Harrison s Olympic. :i4. Billy Carter's Champion Banjo. i udemui .Inlmson. ">6. Alice Bennett's Laughing mil Dance. 53. Harrigan .v. Hart shrate. i "-. ,1. L. Tbaver's Laugh and Grow Fat, Ac. - lerldan .v. Mack's Knocking on d« < rutslde, Ac. 61. Harrigan A Hart's Gallant 69th. I mi iii the Kitchen. the South. iliu Howard's Dramatic. i Dat Is' Dutch Song ami Dance, lohnson A Brui donla Nigs. r.7. Sun ■ r O'Mallev. ■ rijj-nn ,v Hart'H Blue and Gray. 70. Harper A Stan-ill's Sweet Jum 71. Ada Richmond's Wait Till Moonlight Fal Rellly Vou're V '•. ■ ii the Lake. v Hart'i Hllilebraud Montrose. Ul.-n. Smith .v Waldron. m. w Vow. \ n. Tram, W i ii ,v Blrdne. ', our Collar 87. Tin' Brail h tracti i i te Fielding 5 ! New ^ nrk. '.hi. Winuett't Coy e In Broken Get in Martln'i < me Leg mie Lindsay's Style of the ! ginla Stlckney's Fai 9 1. Hamgan >v Hart's Tbi ombination, ndldato for Al< H7. Frank Lewis' Hurrah fi 98. Will V"n Love Me When I'm 99. John Rellly's The Way I Mai imp. Billy Pastor's Star Traveling. 101, H.Osborne's A F.Wentwortu 108. Johnson .v Bruno'i Just from in Ion .V Trunin's lri-limeii I in l. Foy Sisters' Branigan Hand. irrigan A Hart's S. 0. T. lnti. Nile.- .v Evans' Two Love Le 107. Arnold Brothers' Triple Clog, ins. Kirk iV. Drew's Mischievous < ■. ■ j. .... 109. Sam Devere'e A Lean Banana. 110. Harry Braham's Silly Hill and I 1 11. Seaman . Konollman's New York Variety. 134. Sheehan A .limes' Man of Edui I - Diamond's Milanese Mill 186. The Murdoch's Don't Von Do It. 1.17. Will. II. Trimble's Specially. 188. The Bennett's Kitchen Domestic. 189. V. Lewis's Remember you have Children, Ac 140. Larry Tooley's Mutton Vie. 141. Harry Woodson's Gwine Hack to D 143, Harrigan A Hart's Front Stoop. 148. The McKee'l Dancing in the Barn. 144. Worden A Mack's Little Ruby Dodge'i Don't take any N ver A Kelly's Buck I lianty A Hengler'i Strawberries and Cream. 14s. Fii Ids .v. Hoey Musical Sougi 1 19. Whoa Enuua 1M, Hairy Montague's At it Again. 161. Harry Bennett's Charlev Fivnn, 168. Tim t he a "Baby. 163. Harrigan .V. Hart'. Isle de Black Well, liby Newcomb's Swi 166, II. Osborne A F. Wentw 166. Duncan Sisters' Down in the Mead 167. Andy and Annie Hughes Hap] • it McKay's Smee der Band was Broken ui>. W ill II Morton's America'. ' 160, .1. K Einmet'a Lullaliv. 161, Pat Roonev'i Day I I'i •>■■ . .n ,v Winers' Hap. m the So, Popular Soi nation. Day I Walked O'Lei lf>8. Harlow Brothers' Cabin I 167. II irrigan & Hart'i Sucl inty .v Hengli ,„.., l«9. Jennie Hughe 170. Go« A Fox Jul. 171. Flora Moore'.. Just (u - ■v Shelter's !■ A. J. FISHER, PUBLISHER, 24 VESEY STREET, N. Y.