No. CXIV. THE MINOR DRAMA. A DECIDED CASE; A DRAMATIC SKETCH, IN ONE ACT. BY JOHN BROUGHAM. WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, STAGE BUSINESS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, &c., &c. AS PERFORMED AT THE PRINCIPAL THEATRES. I ' N E W Y R K: SAMUEL FRENCH, 122 Nassau Street, (Up Stairs.) PRICE,] [12J CENTS. FRENCH'S STAfflARD DRAMA. Price 12^^ Cents each. — Bound Volumes $1. VOL. I. l.Ton. 2. Fazio, 3. The Lady of Lyons, 4. Richelieu, 5. The Wife, 6. The Honeymoon, 7. The School for Scandal, 8. Money. Withal'oftrait and Memoir ofMrs. A:C. MOWATT. VOL. IV. 25. Virginias, 26. King of the Commons, 27. London Assiirince, 28. The Rent D-y. 29. Two Genilemea of Ve- ri)ni, 30. The Je ilous Wife, 31. The Rivals, 32. Perfection. With a Porirait and INIemoir of Mr. J. H. HACKETT. VOL. VII. 49. Road to Ruin, 50. Macbeth, 5L Temper, 52. Evadne, 53. Bertram, 54. The Duenna, 55. Much Ado About No- thing, 56. The Critic. WithaPi)rtraitand Memoir of R. B. SHERIDAN. VOL. X. 73. Henry Vl[l., 74. Married and Single, 7.5. Henry IV., 76. Paul Pry, 77. Guy Minnering, 78. Sweethearts and Wives, 79. Serious Family, j 80. She Stoop? to Conquer. VVitha Portra-tand Memoir of Miss, ecus :LM AM. VOL. XIIL 97. Soldier's Daughter, 98. Douglas, 98. Marco Spida, 100. Nature's Nobleman, 101. Sirdanapilus, 102. Civilization, 103. The R..bher«, 104. Kntharine & Petruchio With a Portrait and IMemoir of ED WIN FOREST. VOL. IL 9. The Strangfr, 10. Grandfather Whitehead 11. Richard ill., 12. Iiove's Sacrifice, 13. 'I'he Gams.ster. 14. A Cure lor the Heartache 15. The llunciiback, !(). Do.i Cffisar de IJnzan. With a Portrait and Memoir of Mr. ClIAS. KICAN. VOL. V. 33. A New Way to P.iy Old Debt?, .34. liook Before You Leap, 35. King John, 36. Nervous Man, 37. Damo:! and I'ythias, .33. ClaMdestine Marriage, 39. William 'Pell, 40. Day after the Wedding. With a Portra't and Memoir of G. COLMAN the Elder. VOL. VIIL 57. The Aposla'e, .58. Twelfth Night, 39. Brutus, 60. Simpson & !o , 61. Merchant of Venice, 62. Old Heads and Young Hearts, 63. Mountaineers, 64. Three Weeks after Mar- riage. With a Portrait and IMemoir of Mr. GEO. H. BARRETT. VOL. XL 8L Julius CiPsar, 82. Vicir of Wakefield, 83. liCap Year, 81. The Catspaw. 85. The Passing Cloud, S6. Drunkard, 87. Rol) Roy, 88. Georae Barnwell, With a Portrait and Memoir ofMr.s. JOHN SEFTON. VOL. XIV. 105. Game f Love, [Dream. 106. A Midsninaier Night's 107. Ernestine, 108. Rng Picker of Paris, 109. Flying Dutchman, 110. Hypocrite, ill. Therese, 112. LaTourdeNesle. With a Po'tnit and Memoir of JOHN BROUGHAM. [Cntaloffue cov tinned, on third paffe VOL. III. 17. The Poof 'Gentleman, 18. Hamlet, 19. Charles IT., 20. Venice Preserved, 21 . Pizarro, ■J2. TJie Love Chase, 23. Othello, 24. Lenu the deference I invariably pay to the angelic sex, I won't smoke. There's a sacrifice! But you will permit me to re- main and examine the many evidences of taste I find in the worthy Mrs. Brown's sanctum sanctorum 1 4 A DECIDED CASE. Slubbs. Unhappy fishmonger, I can't ! I don't know the instant sho may arrive ! Capl. You expect Mrs Brown home then 1 I'm delighted to hear it ! I shall have an opportunity of seeing my excellent landlady, at last 1 « Siubbs. You'd better not, my fine fellow, that I can tell you ! Capt. \\'hy, is she such a Tartar? Stubbs. Well, not exactly that — but Capt Oh I I know ! like the generality of her class, she's a little peculiar in temper, eh ? Ah ! they're all the same — from the controller of a bare first floor, to the conductor of a well-filled mansion ! 1 think I can draw a clairvoyant picture of my landlady, from my experience of the genus. A fine, broad, portly dame, is she not — with small, sharp, cunning eyes, a ruby nose, and very tight lips. Her impracticable finj/ers, fat, slifi*, and sausagy, choked with inexpensive rings, lie cushioned on a pair of crimson velvet arms, while, as she waddles along, in duck-like dij^nity, a ponderous bunch of keys clanking at her side, proclaims her to be the rigid and inflexible jailor of small groceries. Stubbs. [Aside.] My wig and slippers ! if Lady Angela was only to hear that 'ere description ! She thafs as shapely as a hock-bottle, and as delicate and airy as a three quarter bred angel! [Aloud] But, good o-racious ! I tell you that if she knew you had even squinted at this boudoir through the circumscribed orifice of the key-hole, my place would be in danger ! And as for you Cif.pt. Well — and as for me 1 Stithbs. ^VeU— [Aside.] Oh. I wish I could tell him— but I daren't. No, he must bust in ignorance, as the immortal bard says. How that there door came to beuidocked, I don't know. Capt. I do. I had a key that fitted it, and naturally revolting at the tyranny which would confine me to the narrow limits of my incon- venient quarter, I determined to follow out the doctrines of Manifest Bestmy, and annex this enviable region. Stui/hs. What 1 You don't mean to tell me that you are going to stay here 1 Gipf. Yes ! Stuhb."^. Oh ! this is coming it a little too strong, Mr. Brown ! Pa- tience is no longer a virtue, so 1 say, old chap, you'll have to mizz'e, if I have the luck to light on a stny policeman. [Goifig-. Capt. Wait a minute, Mr. Stubbs ! Sit down — pray do — I want to amuse you a little— I won't keep you long. I gave you a slight sketch of Mr.<. Brov.-n, the landlady, just now, that appeared to tickle you by its truthfulness. There might have been the slightest touch of imagi- nation in that picture, but I can draw another, whose veracity I can vouch for! Listen, Stubbs: — On Tuesday morning last — let me see — it must have been about throe o'clock, when I came home — I vainly endeavored to make myself heard at the street door. Well, it certainly was an unreasonable time to expect anybody to be up — and I was pre- parinsi to go to a hotel, when it occ«jrred to me that I could easily pass round to the coach house, and obtain admittance that way. I did so. As I went through the servants' hall, I saw a bright light through the A DECIDED CASE. O chinks of a door, and heard a thorough bass concert, proceeding from the interior. Not knowing what danger mit'^ht be apprehended. I turned the handle cautiously, and looked in. Have you any idea, Slubbs, what I saw there ? Stubbs. Distinct ! Go on — out with it all ! Cupt. I saw the steady and correct Mr. Stubbs lying on his back, his head supported by an empty champagne basket, white, grouped in pic- turesque altitudes around llie table, half a dozen unseemly intoxicated individuals, gurgled, purred, and snored, in drunkenly discordant undu- lation, like a ditch full of exceedingly happy bull-frogs I Stubbs. You saw all that, did you ! Capt. And more. Stubbs, if I have a predilection in the world, it is for green seal Madeira ! Let me see — I think it is about two guineas a bottle. Ah, how I envied you. you happy dog ! when I beheld at least a dozen deceased bottles, drained of their rich amber blood ! You must have tolerably good pickings out of the lodgers, Stubbs, to be en- abled to give such recherche entertainments. Siabbs. [Drops on his knees.'] Mercy, Mr. Brown ! mercy ! — that green seal Capt. Came from the landlady's cellar, eh ? S/ubbs. It ain't no u.«e to deny it to you — only our little perquisites ! Capt. Egad ! Mrs. Brown must have rather a respectable -stock of ■wines, to judge by the sample I saw ! However, if you implicitly follow my directions, and do everything I desire you without comment, perhaj)s I may conceal your misconduct. Stubbs. Such is the regard that has suddenly sprung up for you, Mr. Brown, I can refuse you nothing ! Capjt. Now you speak sensibly ! Go into my bedroom, and bring me my meerschaum pipes. Stubbs. Good gracious ! what for 1 Capt. Why, for chimney-ornaments, to be sure ! Stubbs. But, sir Capt. Green seal I S/ubbs. All right ! [Exit Stctbbs. c. d. Cupt. So far, so good. Egad ! it was lucky I saw the debris of that drunken symposium — it has secured me a faithful ally. Enter Stubbs, with pipes, c n. That's right ! dispose of them gracefully on the mantel. Now bring me the foils, boxing-gloves, and one or two overcoats. S/ubbs. [Aside.] it's no use kicking ! [Abud] Certainly, Mr. Brown ! [Exit, c. Capt. Bravo ! By Jove ! I find that fear makes almost as firm and useful a friend as affection ! Re-enter Stubbs, with things, c. That's right ; place the foils on the table, and dispose of the others as you please. Stay ! Why shouldn't I have the worth of my m*)ney in elegance as well as comfort ] I hate those stingy-loolting covers — take them off! 6 A DECIDED CASE. S/iibbs. You don't mean CupL Green seal ! Stabbs. Ali right ! [Takes off" covers.] I'm a doomed butler ! Cupr. [Thrvws himself on couch.] You're a capital fellow, StuWis, and when you t>pen a chop-house out of your perquisites — as of course yi)u uiil do in time — Fll patronize you. Now. you'll find a saucer of ciirar Hslies in tiie next room — bring it here. [Exit Stubbs J If you see any stunips, bring them also. A wholesome lesson for my peculating friend, I l)tipe. [EnUr Stubbs, c] Now, let's see what we can put these ashes in ; I always preserve them for tooth-powder. Ah, here's a capital thing — Dresden china, too ! St'ibbs Good lord ! articles that my lady values like the happle of her heyes. [.4 loud knock.] Mercy on us! here she is ! Capt. Give me a pipe — make haste ; and now you can admit the landlady. Stubbs. Hanged if I ain't goose-flesh all over ! — transportation would be delicious to this ! [Exit, c. Capt Now, Lady Fortune, all the rest is in your hands. I could have approached her in the common way, but she has already made so many wear the willow — and, by this stratagem, I can, at least, discover if there's the slightest shadow of a hope for me. [^Settles Jumself on aofa, feet mi, chair, and pipe in his hand] Here she comes ! — by Jove ! my heart flutters like a schoolboy's before examination ! [Pretends to sleep. Enter Stubbs, c, annoiincing Mrs. St. Legeu. Stubbs. [Asidr.] Now, Mr. Brown, I think you'll be slightly disap- pointed, confound you ! [Exit, c. Mrs. St. Leger enters, on announcement. Capt. [Starting up.] I beg ten thousand par [Adde.] This can't be she 1 [Aloud.] Pray be seated, madam. Allow me to apologize for receiving you in this unceremonious manner. To whom have I the honor of speaking 1 Mrs.JSt.L. My name, sir, is St. Leger ; and you, sir, I presume, are Capt. Brown, madame, at your service. J/r.v. St. L. You are doubtless then aware under what great oblig-a- tions I am to your lady. Capt. Mv — what, madame 1 Mrs. St.'L. To Mrs. Brown, sir. Capt. Oh 1 — ah ! Yes, I have heard something of your unfortunate history. A[rs. St. L. No longer unfortunate, sir, thanks to your lady's bounty and yours. Capt. Madame, I assure you that I have done nothing yet to merit your thanks ! Mrs. St. L. But your good kind wife has, sir, more than I can ex- press, and, consequently, you arc included in the obUgation. Capt. [Aside.] This is rather awkward ! — if I undeceive her, I'm A DECIDED CASE. 7 lost ; — Here goes ! [Aloud.] My dear madame, Mrs. Brown is entirely mistress of her own actions, and though I cordially approve her conduct in the present instance, yet, upon my honor, I have had no part what- ever in it. Indeed, in that respect, I beg to assure you, madame, that 1 am only a lodger. Airs St L. Oh ! I understand you. sir ; you generously shrink from the expression of a gratitude which it is nevertheless my duty to manifest. Capl. I wish you wouldn't, madame ! — You embarrass me ; really, now that 1 think of it, I did promise myself that Mrs. Brown should not have the luxury of doing some little good all to herself — may 1 beg your ac- ceptance of this trifling check .* Mrs. St. L. So much, sir ! — I cannot — I dare not take it — it is pro- fuse — more than \ require. Cafd. But less than I can readily afford," and I shall take it very ill if you deny me a share in Mrs. Brown's gratification. Mrs St L. Under such circumstances, it would be rudeness in me longer to refuse, and may the happiness with which you have clothed the widow's heart be returned upon your own tenfold. Mrs. Brown's note to me, led me to hope that I would have seen her ; — but may I presume so far. to expect that you will ireceive my fervent acknowledg- ments for both \ Capt. No, madame, I dare not — that is to say — I'd rather not receive more than my individual — [Aside.'] I'm rapidly getting into the mire. [Aloud J Mrs. Brown is expected home every moment — perhaps you will be good enough to see — 1 mean — as a woman of the world you must see what I mean. Mrs. St. L. I confess, sir, I am slightly at a loss — however, I will call again directly, perhaps to day. Cajpt. That's exactly what I mean, madame, and if you will oblige me so far as not to mention the trivial occurrence — t;:at — ah — Mrs. St. L. Oh, sir I you do not suppose that I could be silent on a theme that has done me so great a service, and you so much honor. [Exit. Cnpt. Does iti Hem ! That's a matter of opinion. Upon my life, the situation was sufficiently perplexincr — it was an impulse — I couldn't help it ; a piece of simply accidental benevolence, and yet it has proved to me how often I have neglected opportunities of experiencing a glow of real enjoyment! But. confound it, I mustn't get sentimental now ! [A knock.] Here she comes in earnest I ah I my anxious heart tells me 1 can't be mistaken this time I Enter Stubes, anncmncing. Stubbs. Mr. Percival. Capt. Confound Mr. Perclval I Who the deuce is he 1 Stubhs. Don't you know him ! lie's a lawyer ; bo I wish you a plea- sant confab together. Cajjt. Get out, you scoundrel ! [Exit >Stubbs. 8 A DECIDED CASE. Enter Mb. Percival. Per. [As he enters.'] Well, my lady, I think I have pretty good news for — a gentleman ! Capt. I hope so, sir, lAside."] Egad ! I mustn't prevaricate here! Per. Excuse me, sir — [And£.'\ Captain the Hon. Dudley Vere, as I live I — P'rom the tenor of Lady Angela's note, I expected td see her alone — however, Captain, I can readily perceive that 1 need be under no ceremony with you. I presume her ladyship has acquainted you with the name of her old friend and confidential adviser, Percival \ — I am he. Capt. Happy to see you, Mr. Percrval — I am — Per. My dear sir, I am a man of the world : — I can see at a glance the tender character of the right by which you are so completely at home in this privileged retreat. Capt. But, my dear sir ! what the devil have I done — this is awful — allow me to explain — Per. Not a word ! I beg to congratulate you, upon my honor T do ! — The property is in the most flourishing condition, the lady every way worthy of you ! Capt. I assure you, sir, you are mistaken ! I have no right here — a mere intruder — in fact, only a lodger 1 Per. I know ; — man of the world, sir — old hand — can't deceive me — private marriage, I suppose — wants to keep it secret ! {^Asidc.] Mum's the word — Steady, old campaigner ! — But now to business, if you please. Capt. I repeat to you, sir, most emphatically, that I dare not interfere in Lady Angela's business. Per. Weill— not actually, perhaps, but by way of advice] — you merely take interest enough in her affairs to do her a service if you can Capt. Most certainly ! Point out the way, and if it be within the compass of endeavor — Per. Ah ! — yes I — thought as much — real honeymoon halo about that speech ! Capt. Sir, I must insist — Per. Pardon me — won't offend again — mustn't try to deceive me, though. Her ladyship has of course informed you of the vexatious litigation in which she has for so long a time been involved with the present representatives of the Mudford estate ! C<'pt. She has not, sir, and for an excellent reason. Per. The best in the world — I know — entirely too early to let these realities interfere with love's young dream, as the poets say. Ha, ha ! Excuse the remark, and don't be impatient ! — The lands in question are far more valuable than her ladyship imagines, and by some singular fatality, our opponents, not aware of the strength of their case, have of- fered to relinquish upon payment of a small sum — but, alas ! her lady- ship's objection to a compromise, places me in an awkward position. Now what had we better do 1 Capt. Pay it, by all means ! A DECIDED CASE. 9 Per. Of course. I knew that would be your answer. You're right. I'll trouble you for a check. Capt. Me ! Per. To be sure. Who else I Capt. Weil, whatever happens, it's the least I can do to atone for my presumption ! \^Aside^ There, sir! Per. And after all this, you pretend that — well, never mind — no affair of mine ! You can't pi'event me wishing you and her ladyship every happiness ! Good morning, sir! I hope to return very soon with the documents which will secure this excellent property to you both ! \^Exit Percival, c. Capt. It is very evident that I am getting myself into a very ridicu- lous kind of a dilemma here — and what's more than that, I have un- wittingly involved her ladysliip in a much more compromising predica- ment! As a man of honor, jwhat should I do 1 Make a hasty and unqualified retreat ? I think so I [^Guhig.'] What! Shamefully abandon her to the surmise and suspicion of an uncharitable world 1 Til do nothing of the kind. Forbid it, gallantry ! forbid it, manhood ! No ! I'll stay and share her embarrassment, and if needs be, end it by a courageous self-sacrifice. [A knock.'] Another — visitor, I suppose, for my heart's as quiet as a stone ! Enter Stubbs, c. Well, Stubbs, who is it now I Stubb.f. You needn't ask — look at my face ! She's come ! Capt. Who, the landlady] Stubbs. Exactly so ! Capt. [Lyins doim^ Bravo ! You see I'm cool. Now, destiny, fate, fortune, or whatever you choose to call yourself, I'm in your hands. Stubbs. Here she comes, and I feel as if the rope was round my neck, and I was just going to be swung off. Enter Lady Angela, v}ho carehasly throtcs her travelling cloak over the Captain, and sits. Lady A. Well. Stubbs, I have arrived at last, a little fatigued with my journey, but heartily rejoic<-d lo be in my own quiet home again. ^Stuhbs. [Aside.] Quiet ! Yes, my lady. [Aside] I'm beginning to kick ! Lady A. What's the matter, Stubbs? You don't seem glad to see me Siuhbs. Glad ? Why, no— I mean yes— all right, my lady. . Lady A. One would suppose from your manner that my return was somewhat malapropos. I gave you sufficient time for preparation. Of course the tenant, whose obstinacy you so much complained of, is gone ] Stubb.f. I suppose, my lady, you mean Mr. Brown 1 Lady A. Certainly. Mr Brown, the fishmonger. I'm sorry you should have had so much trouble with him. 1* 10 A DECIDED CASE. iSiuhbs. Bless you, it was all a mistake, my lady ! I never met with a move praiseworthy gentleman 1 Lady A. Indeed ! How then was it that your letters were so filled witli descriptions of his turbulence and — Stubbs. Can it be possible that I so far forgot myself 1 I assure you, my lady, a more quiet and orderly a gentleman — Lady A. [2'a/ang up loxing-glove.'] Why, what in the name of wonder is this \ Stiibhs. l^Anidc.'] It's coming ! \^Aloud.'] That, my lady 1 I never saw such a thing before in all my life. Lady A. What do I see ? Pipes ! Has anybody dared to enter this apartment 1 Stubbs. No — certainly — I believe not ! Lady A. Don't attempt to tell me such a falsehood 1 Ah ! look here ! "What is this ^ [Ashes. Slubbs. That, my lady 1 That's — a — a — dentifrice, my lady ! Lady A. Stubbs ! I have a terrible misgiving ! I charge you to answer me truly. Is not this abomination cigar ashes 1 Stubbs. The finest thing in the world for the teeth, my lady ! Lady A. Who has been here, Stubbs 1 No prevarication I Tell me the truth, and I will endeavor to overlook your faults. Stubbs. Well, my lady, since you are so kind — I'll confess that it was — Lady A. Whom ] Sticbbs. Mr, Brown, the fishmonger, my lady! Lady A. And you permitted the audacious person to bring these filthy things into my apartment ? Stubbs. I couldn't help it, my lady. I tried to prevent him — I mean — [A.< Mrs. Brown! if the slightest atom of humanity warms your heart, sell me that picture ! Lady A. You must be mad, sir ! Capt. You won't ? Well, will you give me the originall Lady A. Do you know to whom you are speaking, sir 1 Capt. Certainly— to Mrs. Brown, the landlady. I'm very rich, and tolerably good-looking, and can afford to wink at disparity of station. Lady A. Sir, I don't know whether your conduct proceeds from simple' impudence, or a large admixture of lunacy ! In either case, I would prefer to be alone 1 Capt. Inexorable landlady ! But remember, although you drive me from your presence, you cannot drive your image from my heart ! Since you wish me gone, I'll go and pack up. Lady A. Fishmonger, adieu ! Capt. Landlady — au revoir ! [Exit Captain, c. d. Lady A. Well, of all the impertinent, presuming incomprehensibili- ties I ever met with, this is assuredly the greatest ! It certainly is the strangest adventure — and stranger still, all my anger has been quenched in the enormity of his impudence ! The fellow is provokingly good- looking, too, and is evidently quite aware of his pretensions — but a fish- monger — pah I — but is he a fishmonger! — I am not a landlady! — What's this ! — I declare that doubt has given me a slight approach to a sensation ! — Pshaw ! this is nonsense ; there can be no harm in ques- tioning Stubbs, however, just out of curiosity, [Rinirs ] not that it's of the slightest interest to me. What a pleasant perfume there is in good cigars. Enter Stl'bbs. Stubbs, I'm very angry with you indeed, to allow my house to be so disorganized by this person Who is he ? Stubbs. Brown, my lady ! I don't know ; all I can say is, the sooner you get rid of him the belter. It's my opinion that he's nothing but an impostor. 14 A DECIDED CASE. Captain appears at c. D. Zady A. Where does he come from 1 Sfnbbs. I shouldn't wonder if he caint^ from — Copt. [Advances.] Dehghted to find that you take so much interest in your lodger as to inquire the place of his nativity : I couie from Madeira, niadame. Admirable climate for the production of wine — some of it as high as two guineas a bottle I — Stubbs, bring me my overcoat. [Exit, c. Stubbs. Yes, sir ; certainly, sir. [Takes overcoat, and exit, c d. Lady A \_Aside.'\ Deuce take the fellow ! One would suppose house and servants were his own. Re-C7iter Stubbs, c. Stubbs. He wants his pipes and things. He's going, my lady — thank fortune ! Capt. [ Wifhi7i.] Stubbs ! Stubbs. Coming, Mr. Brown ! [Runs off, c D. Zadij A. J wish he were once fairly out of the house, or rather that he had never come into it. Enter Stubbs, c. Stubbs. Going for a hack, my lady ! All right, now, I hope ! [Exit, L. H. — A knock. Lady A. I'm glad there's somebody coming to give me the protection of their society. ^A knock at c c] What is it, sir 1 Capt. [ Within.] I beg your pardon, Mrs. Brown, but I thought it right to inform you, that if you don't sell me that picture, or give it to me, it is my serious intention to steal it. Enter Stubbs, l. ir. Stubbs. [Announcing. 1 Mrs. St. Leger ! Lady A. Show her in. [Exit Stubbs.] Go away, sir — I have visitors coming. Eyiter Mks. St. Legkr, l. n. Lady A. My dear madame, I'm so glad you're come. Now I'm happy. Mrs. St. L. I know you are. ray kind benefactress — very. Your car- riage drove up a short time ago. I felt it my duty to call, not only to thank you for all the kindness I have received at your hands, but to con- gratulate you upon the happiness you express. Lady A. What do you mean ! Mrs. St. L. Oh ! he's a fine, noble fellow ! Lady A. Of whom are you speaking ? 3/r.s'. St. L. I have seen him, but it was hy accident, I assure you. Mrs. A. Seen whom? You are as mysterious as a Sphynx ! Mrs. Si. X. Who should I mean but he, that by his profuse generos- ity enables me no longer to burthen you. although my gratitude is due to you, for it was for your sake only, of course, that he so largely be- friended me. Lady A For gracious' sake, tell me to whom you allude. A DECIDED CASE. 15 Mrs. Sf. L. Why, to the gentleman I saw here to-day — your kind- hearted husband, Mr. Brown ! Ludi^ A. Mr. Blown ? Cup/.. \^At c. d] The fishmonger, and no relation whatever, my good madainc, to his namesake, the worthy landlady of this eslablishmerit. Li«/i/ A. \Vas ever anybody placed in such a singular and annoying position { Mrs. St L. Pray, niadame, pardon me ; but from the similarity of names, and finding the gentleman at home here, I was led into the very natural error. Lacli/ A. It's not your fault, Mrs. St. Leger. I am rejoiced for your sake, that Mr. Brown has so befriended you. Whatever dilemma I may be in, 1 have only myself to blame. Mrs. St. L. I see you are embarrassed,, madame, and regret, more than I can express, that I seem to be the cause of it. \^A kiwck.'\ As you have other visitors callinir, permit me, most thankfully, to take my leave. Ladj A. I will explain this to you some future day. Good morning. \_ExU Mrs. St. Legkr. Enter Stubbs. Stuhbs. \^Announcing -I Mr. Percival. Enter Percival. Per. My dear Lady Angela, you're welcome to town. Permit me to congratulate you. Lady A. On what, Mr. Percivall Per. Well, not exactly — on — hem ! — you know. But we have con- quered — the estate is yours — here are the papers which confirm your title. Lady A. Is it possible, Mr. Percival 1 — that tedious lawsuit ended 1 Per. Whv, didn't he tell you 1 Lady A. Who? Per. Sly rogue ! To me, too, such an old and tried friend ! to tell the truth, but for him the matter would have turned out far differently, for it was only after all the papers were signed that our opponents found out that they had made a mistake. There ! [IIa?ids paper. Lady A. I thank you most heartily, my good friend ! Per. P.shaw ! Thank him, and love him, for he deserves it. Lady A. Love whom ? You are as mysterious as the rest ! Per. You mustirt try and humbug me. It's all sa^'e, if you wish it kept private — I don't know why you should ! The fact is, I saw him this morning. Lady A. Saw him 1 Per. Yes, and settled all this with him. Lady A. With whom ! Per. [Taking up smoking-cap'] With the owner of this ! Lady A. Brown 1 Enter Captain, c. d., with carpet-bag. Copt. The fishmonger — about to seek a new lodging 1 - :-y J0 A DECIDED CASE. Enter Stubs s. ^ Stubbs. The carriage has come. What shall I pass in first 1 Capt. A dozen of ^'reen — Stubbs. Dozen of shirts 1 Yes, sir ! Til wait below ! — I won't be safe till he's off! [Exit. Per. Hey (ley ! What's the meaning of this ] A tiff already % You don't look a bit like husband and wife ! £oth. Sir! Lachi A Don't be ridiculous, Mr. Percival ! Why should we look like anything of the kind ? Capt. You don't suppose, sir, that I am the husband of Mrs. Brown, the landlady 1 Per. Ha! ha! That's good ! The Lady Angela Villiers, Mrs. Brown, the landlady ! Capt. What's that I hear 1 Lady A. Did you imagine, sir, that I was the wife of Mr. Brown, the fishmonger T Per. Capital ! Fine masquerading, my friends ! Captain the Honor- able Dudley Vere, brother and heir apparent to old Lord Wimbledon — Mr. Brown, the fishmonger ! Ha, ha ! I'm an old campaigner ! You can't deceive me I I'm glad to find, however, that the misunderstand- ino- is not a serious one. There, go along, you young fools ! Take arrold fox's advice — never encourage small clouds of temper, or in time their accumulation will overshadow the very brightest lot. I see vou're a.shamed of yourselves, so I'll make my escape, while you tiss and be friends. [Exit. Capt. [After a pause.] Mrs. Brown ! Lady A. Mr. Brown ! Capt. Lady Angela, it is now, I trust, necessary for me to say that I was aware of your identity through all. Impelled by a true and un- controllable love, I dared to risk this coup-de-main, rather than trust to the chances of a regular siege. With the accidental circumstances which aided me, I had nothing to do. I would blush for myself did I resort to such unworthy means ! Can you forgive me? Jjudy A. What am I to do ? You have left me no alternative. I am wholly compromised in the eyes of my friends, and of course the world. Come what may, they will always associate us together. Capt. I know a way to put a stop to that. Lady A. Indeed ! 'V\'hat is it 1 Capt. Let us get married, and then they'll separate us just as quickly. Lady A. Perhaps it would be the easiest way to get rid of you. Capt. A thousand thanks for that word. Let me on this sweet hand — Lady A. Stop, sir! Have you the presumption to suppose that I will surrender at discretion after so ridiculously short a siege ! Capt. Certainly ! I saw irresolution in your eye, and you know the woman who hesitates is lost ! Lady A. I did not hesitate. Capt. Well, then, you're found, and that's a great deal more agree- A DECIDED CASE. 17' able. It is no use for you to buflet against the waves of destiny — they irresistibly bear you toward my encircling arms, therefore taiie my ad- vice — float quietly into them, and let them lovingly harbor you forever ! [Bicsiness. Lady A. I won't — it's too sudden — I haven't reflected — Capt. Plenty of time for reflection by-and-by ; it will come at its legitimate hour, never fear ! Now don't imagine for a single instant that I shall meanly take advantage of circumstances to force an inclina- tion which should be spontaneous. Dismiss me but with a look, and to other climes my small carpet-bag I'll bear, and live alone on the recol- lection of the past. Lady A. \'eiy romantic and considerate, I must say, sir, but I do not see how your insufficient diet can remedy the wound you have inflicted upon my position and character. Capt. Alas I there is but one remedy for that. Lady A. Which is Capt. To change the character of your position. Such wounds are only to be healed by the adhesive plaster of matrimony. Lady A. How absurd you are, sir ! Why, I have not known you an hour yet. Capt. My dear madam, did it never occur to you what an immensity of time a whole hour is in our ephemeral existence \ In the slow old antediluvian eras, a young fellow of two hundred and fifty might be pardoned, if he took half a century or so to deliberate ; but in this rapid age, happiness must be reached by railroad. Pause but a moment, and you lose the train. Lady A. You surely have not the folly to imagine that I listen to your impertinences with the slightest degree of interest. Capt. Far be it from me to indulge in any such presumptuous thought. I only know that you do listen — most convincing proof that I have at least conquered your indifference. Lady A. It is simple courtesy alone detains me here. I but wait for you to take your departure. Capt. Upon the instant. [Getting carpet-bag.] Your lodger leaves at once, if you declare truly and fro.m your heart that you desire no further association with him than that of landlady and tenant — remem- ber I have paid my rent and got a receipt. Lady A. Such association was merely temporary, sir — and I request that it may be forgotten. Capt. [Flinging away carpet-hag.'] Forgotten ! forever ! Memory perishes upon the flaming altar of hope — the lodger is merged in the lover, and temporary associations are abandoned for those of a more permanent nature. Lady A. Good gracious, sir ! I said nothing to warrant such an outburst of enthusiastic nonsense. Capt. Not a word, I grant you — but the inference was obvious to the meanest capacity. What a pity it is that you dare not follow the prompting of your own honest impulse now, and putting your hand in mine say that you accept me as your suitor — I won't gay husband just yet, for fear you might think me rather precipitate. 18 A DECIDED CASE. Lady A. You are absolutely unendurable ! Suppose I were to make a public exposure of this unwarrantable persecution, what do you ima<,nne would be the result \ Capt. [Laughing.] Excuse me, but T am exceedingly anxious to know what kind of a case you would make out. Now just fancy for a iew moments, that, instead of being in your own quiet boudoir, you were face to face with a brilliant deU^gation from the beauty and intelligence of the community, how would you proceed ! Lady A. I should go forward, and say, ladies and gentlemen. Capt. Exactly, and' they would probably encourage you in their own peculiar way. Ladi/ A. Don't interrupt me. Capt. You wouldn't say that, surely 1 Pardon me— go on. Ladt/ A. Ladies and gentlemen — I, that is to say, you, I mean Capt. You see, vou haven't a single straw of chance for drowning con- fidence to grasp at, consequently I should be obliged to rush mercifully to your rescue, thus : Most excellent, discriminating, and judicious public, both plaintiff and defendant, fearing the law's delay, and perfectly willing to abide by the decision of the majority, leave the termination of the affair entirely in your hands. Therefore, as many of you as are of opinion that I have done nothing but what was entirely according to the rules of the Supreme Court of Cupid, will signify the same by saying ay— on the contrary — it is a vote Lady A. I shall appeal. Capt. You can't — it's a decided case. THE END, i, 18&7. I The Largest, Cheapest, and Best Mao;azine in the World ! THE L/J OP ^-^ ROMANCE, LITERATURE AND ART. Having purchased the -well known New York Journal, the present proprietor will continue it permanently, and will hereafter issue it with such a liberal regard to its improvement in every branch of Lit- erature and Illustration, as shall make it unsurpassed, in point of Attractiveness and Real Value, bv any other Journal or Magazine. The New York Journal WILL APPEAR PUNCTUALLY! '^ In size, a large quarto, each number will contain sixty-four pages, three columns wide. Its contents will embrace subjects selected and arranged so as to give, in the most agreeable manner, authentic In- formation and Amusement to every one. The Journal will have One New and Interesting Novel, continued from number to number, alone worth the price of subscription ; be sides numerous Tales, Romances, Stories and Poetry. In the DRAMA, the proprietcd .iresents a most agreeable feature, which does not exist in any other Journal, viz. : that of publishing in its columns an ENTIRE ACTING PLAY. 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The dramatic pieces will be found quite an original feature, inasmuch as they are not mere extracts, or mutilated scenes ; but although in some instances, consider- ably altered from the originals, they still retain an entire })lot, and all the wit and humor that could consistently be preserved ; and are ar- ranged, and adapted especially for juvenile representation — everything objectionable has been carefully expunged, and they have in their ^rg- sent form received the unqualified approbation of numerous intellectual and select audiences, before whom they have been presented by the pupils of the adapter. — Extract from the Author's Preface S. FUEiVCII, Publisher. 121 Nassau-street, New York. 321 Broadv/ay, New York. (S. C. GRICiiOS & CO., Chicago, III. [Catalogue continued from second page of cover. "^ VOL. XVI. lai. The Tempest, 122. Tlic Pilot, 1-23. Carpenter cf Rouen, 124. Kinj^'s Rival, 125", fiitile Trca'?nre, i'ifi. non)l)y & Son, 127 Parents and Guardians, 128. Jewess. VOL. 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Price 12>^ cents. THE OATH OF OFFICE ; by Chael«s Jamks Cannon, Esq., with a Portrait of the Author. Price 12>^ cents. GUTILE AND GULPIT. Price 12^ cents. TEN OF THE ABOVE PLAYS FOR «1 00. American Plays 12J Cents each, or 10 fob SLOO, g^* All orders will receive prompt attention. N. B. — A new play published every week. 8. FRENCH, 122 Nassau Street, up stairs, N. Y ^^ Important change in the Postage law. All transient matter must be Pre-paid. ^^ Plays sent by i>!ail, and Postage Pre-paid, on receipt of 12j^ cents each, In money or stamps. 10 Plays sent by Exprees for $1 00. / FRENCH'S MINOI Pkice 12^ Cents each — Bou> LIBRARY OF CONGRESS VOL. I. 1. The Irish Attorney, '2. Roots Mt the Swan, 3. IIow to pay the Rent, 4. The Loan of a Lover, 5. The Dead Shot, 6. His Last Legs, 7. The Invisible Prince, 8. 'J'he Golden Farmer. With a Portrait and Memoir of Mr, JOILX SEFTON. VOL. IV. 25. Secret Service, 26 Omnibus, 27. Irish Lion, 28 Maidof Croissey, 29. The Old Guard, 30 Raising the Wind, 3L Slasher and Crasher, 32. Naval Engagements. With a Portrait and Memoir of MssUOSE TELBIxN. VOL. II. 9, The Pride of the Market 10. Used Up, 11. The Irish Tntor, j2. The Barrack Room, 13. Luke the Laborer, 14. IJeantv and ihe Beast, 15 St. Patrick's Eve. 16. Cai'tJ'Ji^ oClhc Watch. With a Portraiiand Menioir of ftliss C. WEMYSS. VOL. V. 33. Cocknies in California, 34. Who Speaks Fir.st, 35. Bombasies Furioso, 36. Macbeth Travestie, 37. Irish Ambassador, 38- Delicate Ground, 39. 'J'he Weathercock, rtrc./jai: 17. ThcSt-crct, 18. Whil*>lJorsG of the Pcp- PJ. The .ft^ftbitc, [i)€rs, 20. The liotilc, 21. Box and Cox, 22. B mboozlin'T, 23. Widow's Victim, 24. Robcil Macaire. Wiih a Portrait and Menioir ofMr.F. S.CHANFRAU. VOL. VL 4L Grimshaw. Bagshaw, and iiradshaw, 42. Rough Diamond, 43. Bloomer CostumOy 44. Two Bonnycastlcf:, 45. Born to Good Lucl , 40. Kiss in the Dark, of W. A. COODALL. VOL. VIL I VOL. VIIL 49. Box and C 'X Married 57. 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A Good Fellow, 90. (Cherry and Fair Stn 9L Gale Breezely, 92. Our .lemimy, 93. Miller's Maid, 94. A\vkwnrdArrival, 95. Crossirfi! the Line, 90. Conjugar Lesson. VOL. X. 73. Ireland and America, 74. Pretty Piece of Business, 75. Irish Broom-maker, 76. To Paris and Back for jCS 77. '1 hat Blessed Baby, 78. Our Gal, 79. Swiss Cottage, 80. Young Widow. VOL. XIIL 97. My Wife's Mirror. 98. Life in New York, 99 Middy Ashore. 100. frown Prince. 101. Two Queens. 102. Thumping Legacy. 103. Unfinished Gentleman. 111. Love in '76. 104. House Dog. I 1 ^ _ J3f^ American Plays 12>^ cents each. ?C!it by Mail, on receipt of prieo, N. B.— A new Play published every week. S, FREvCTL 122 Nassau Street, New York. 5^~ See extract from new Postage Law, on preoieding page.