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Bugbee's Popular Plays 
 
 SAMPSON'S 
 COURTIN' 
 
 A RUBE FARCE IN ONE ACT 
 
 BY 
 O. E. Young 
 
 Copyright 1921, by Willis N. Bugbee 
 
 Author of "Popping by Proxy," "The Scroggins' Divorce Case/* 
 "The Real Thing," "Interviewing a Granger," "Mr. Badger's 
 Uppers," "Wives Wanted in Squashville," "Love and t 
 Lather," "Coon Creek Courtship," "Riding the 
 Goat," "The Little Red Mare," Etc., Etc. 
 
 THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO. 
 
 SYRACUSE, N. Y. 
 

 Sampson's Courtin' 
 
 CHARACTERS 
 
 Sampson Spike, a bashful rube in love. 
 
 Delilah Ducklegs, the object of his affections. (Played by 
 a male.) 
 
 Scene: The Ducklegs sitting-room; very plcinly furnished. 
 
 Timb: The present. 
 
 Time of Playing: Thirty minutes. 
 
 COSTUMES 
 
 Sampson; a green, smoothfaced country beau of twenty, tall, 
 slim, red-headed and awkward, dressed in his best "go-ter- 
 meet'n's"; has on loose, baggy trousers and is tremendously 
 bashful. 
 
 Delilah; age eighteen, short, resolute and very stout, has on 
 her "best bib and tucker," ribbons, a blue dress with immense 
 figures in many colors and coming to her boot-tops, wears huge 
 hoopskirt; she has an immense mop of tow-colored hair, is very 
 freckled and waddles when she walks. 
 
 Properties: A dish of apples and a pitcher of lemonade with 
 glasses. 
 
 OCT 23 19?' 
 
 ©CI.0 58099 
 
 #>^0 
 
 t 
 
Sampson's Courtin' 
 
 Scene: The Ducklegs' sitting room. Two windows in flat, 
 one L. C. open and practical; door in wing, R; table almost in 
 front of open tvindow, well back, dish of apples, pitcher and 
 glasses upon it; old-fashioned lounge ivith high back diajgonaUi/ 
 across rear corner, R., head toicard C; broom in corner, L.; 
 Delilah discovered in rocking chair near loindow, L. of table. 
 
 Delilah {Sighing) : Gosh! hain't it lonesome! Not a beau 
 ter lay my jaws tew! I told Sampson Spike Pa 'n' Marm was 
 goin' ter camp-meet'n' 'n' I hated ter stay alone, but he must 
 'a' been tew bashful ter take the hint. Didn't know but he'd 
 spunk up 'n' drop in a minute, but 'pears like he didn't darster. 
 (Sighing tremendously.) Ho, hum! I've made lemmynade 'n' 
 fetched up a dish of apples, tew. (Sighs again, gets up and 
 walks stage.) 
 
 Sampson^. (Cautiously peeping in over window sill, aside.) 
 There! hain't she pooty? Harnsome's a prize Chester hawg! 
 (Grins idiotically and ducks as Deililah turns toward window.)' 
 
 Delilah. It's no use ter git all heifered up; I got ter pass 
 the time away somehow. Reckon I'll squat again 'n' chaw awhile. 
 (Sits in rocker again^ takes apple and begins to eat it.) 
 
 Sampson. (Peeping cpain, aside.) The feller that gits that 
 gal w^on't have ter take her ter the dentist's for one while; she 
 don't need no density. Hear that chompin'! She must have 
 teeth 'nough fer a tew-hoss harrer. 
 
 Delilah. (In disgust.) Bla-a! This apple's no good; it's a 
 Ben Davis. I'd ruther eat a wooden one. (Throws it out of 
 window and hits Saimpson. He claps hand to eye and ducks 
 hastily. Delilah fa^ns herself with apron and rocks violently.) 
 This is hot work, waitin' for a feller that don't come. 
 
 Sampson. (Peeping cautiously, hand over eye, aside.) Gee! 
 but she's stout. I's more skeart o' her than ever. Ef she. can 
 knock a feller's eye out with an apple-core, what would she dew 
 with a flatiron? 
 
 Delilah. (Fanning.) Wish ter goodness Sampson loould 
 come! It'd be a lot better'n settin' here all alone. 
 
 Sampson. (Grinning in delight.) Jes' lissen! Ef I only 
 darster I'd hug that big hunk o' sweetness once, jest for luck — 
 fur's I could reach, I mean. (Ducks.) 
 
 Delilah. It's no use; I got ter have suthin' coolin'. (Fills 
 glass.) 
 
 Delilah. (Looking in glass.) Bah! There's a fly in there 
 now. Drat the dirty thing! (Throws lemonade out of windoiv. 
 full in Sampson's face.) 
 
 Sampson. Wow! There goes another eye. (Ducks.) 
 
4 SAMPSON'S COURTIN' 
 
 Delilah. (Hearing.) What's that? Somebody's peekin'. I'll 
 ketch him 'tween the house 'n' shed. Where's the broom? 
 (Snatches it from corner and hastily exit. R.) 
 
 Sampson. (At window, terrified.) She's comin' 'n' I can't git 
 away. Ef she finds me she'll skin me, sure. (Scrambles in and 
 falls sprawling.) 
 
 Delilah. (Triumphantly, outside). Yer cornered; I'll fix ye. 
 (Surprised.) Why, where is the critter? 
 
 Sampson. (Scrambles to feet, waves hands up and dourn in 
 desperation and runs vnldly about.) Oh dear! Ef she ketches 
 me now she'll never look at me agin — 'n' I love her so it's wuss'n 
 the measles. Where can I hide? 
 
 Deililah. (Outside, c.) I know where ye air. Come out. 
 Sir, 'n' git what's comin' tew ye. 
 
 Sampson. (Desperately.) I'd ruther ketch the itch than have 
 her ketch me — 'n' there's no place ter hide but this. (Stops 
 and looks at lounge.) 
 
 Delilah. (Outside.) Come out, I say— 'thout ye want ter 
 git combusticated. 
 
 Sampson. (Wildly.) It'll have ter dew— but the Lord help 
 me if Deliiy ever diskivers me! (Lifts up lounge cushion, crawls 
 under and lies down.) 
 
 Delilah. (Looking in open window.) Nobody here! — 'n' 
 I's sure I beared somebody. Ef there was anybody peekin' he's 
 sartainly got away. (Disappears.) 
 
 Sampson. (Peepintg out from under cushion.) Yas — but he 
 ain't got a way ter git away now. (Hides; enter Delilah, R.) 
 
 Delllah. I be snummed ef I didn't think there was some- 
 body under the winder! Ef I'd ketched the critter it wouldn't 
 ben healthy for him. Gosh! but it's hot. (Mops face with 
 apron.) I feel like a Fourth o' July greased pig. (Drops heav- 
 ily on lounge.) 
 
 Sampson. (Under cushion.) O'ooch! (Both ends of him 
 bob up.) 
 
 Delilah. (Surprised.) Lan' sakes! This ol' lounge must 
 be gittin' weak. (Looks down at it.) I beared suthin' scrunch. 
 
 Sampson. Ee-yow! (Screeching.) Git out o' my front yard! 
 
 Delilah. (Wildly, jumping up.) Heavens 'n' airth! I've 
 knowed that lounge ever sence I was a goslin' an' I never beared 
 it holler afore. 
 
 Sampson. (Groaning.) 0-ooh! My bay-winder's busted. 
 (Squirms under cushion.) 
 
 Delilah. (Horrified.) Hear that! The ol' thing mus' be 
 bewitched. The devil's in it, sure. 
 
 Sampson. (Groaning.) Ya-a-as. (Sticks foot out from under 
 cushion.) 
 
 Delilah. (Suspiciously.) Nothin' very bewitchin' 'bout that 
 air huff— it looks like the devil, though. 
 
SAMPSONS COURTIN' € 
 
 Sampson. (Angry.) So does yer gran'mother. 
 
 Delilah. (Alarmed.) And it acts like the devil. Git thee 
 behind me Satan. (Wallops lounge with broom.) 
 
 Sampson. 0\v! (Scrambles wildly out and goes over back 
 of lounge head first.) 
 
 Delilah. The Old Boy's got on pants, any way. Take that 
 in the gable-end! (Belts him with broom.) 
 
 Sampson. (Yelling.) Yow! I's ruined now. (Kicks wildly 
 and drops behind lounge.) 
 
 Delilah. Got him, fust shot. (Ponderously tiptoes forward 
 and tries to look behind lounge.) 
 
 Sampson. (Cratvls under it, sticks out head and peeps up at 
 her.) Gee whiz! That's a sight for sore eyes. 
 
 Delilah. It's dark down there; I can't see nothin'. 
 
 Sampson. (Squinting.) I can, consider'bie. 
 
 Delilah. He mus' be there. (Steps on Sampson's fingers 
 with one foot as she puts other knee on lounge and leans over 
 back of it.) 
 
 Sampson. Ow! She hain't no featherweight. (Yanks at 
 hand, then jabs her in calf.) 
 
 Delilah. (Squealing.) Yi! (Grabs injury in both hands 
 and hops clum,sily around on one foot.) 
 
 Sampson. (Aside). Naw, that wa'n't yer eye. 'Twas nothin* 
 but a pin 'n' didn't have no eye. It never could 'a' stood that 
 business ef it had had. 
 
 Dbililah. (Stoops to pick up broom and catches sight of him.) 
 Aha! I begin ter smell a mice. (Goes to head of lounge.) Git 
 out that! (Jabs under it with broom.) 
 
 Sampson. (Yelling.) Ouch! There goes my third eye, I 
 might 'a' knowed 'twas spilet when I peeked out. (Backs part 
 ivay out at foot.) 
 
 Delilah. (Running ar'ound and catching him by legs.) Come 
 out o' that Mister Satan! Ye can't stab me in the calf with a 
 crowbar 'n' git away with it. (Drags him out, struggling.) 
 
 Sampson. (Struggling to knees and clasping hands.) D-D-D- 
 Delily! 
 
 Delilah. (Amazed.) Sampson! How on airth come yew 
 under that lounge? 
 
 Sampson. I — I dunno, Miss Ducklegs — 'thout I was born 
 there. 
 
 Delilah. Why Sampson Spike! Ye know better'n that. 
 
 Sampson. H-How should I? I don't 'member it. 
 
 Delilah. Never mind, Samp? I don't keer ef ye never was 
 born at all 'n' v/as picked on a skunk-currant bush. Pa 'n' Marm 
 have gone ter campmec-t'n'. I v/ns cffle lonesome. I's mighty 
 glad ye dropped in. 
 
 Sampson. (Stammering.) I — I couldn't help it nohow 
 (aside) v;hen that ol' broom hit me. 
 
8 SAMPSON'S COURTIN' 
 
 Delilah. (Smiling delightedly.) Couldn't ye, Mister Spike? 
 Why not? 
 
 Sampson^. C-C-Cause I had so much help 'bout droppin'. 
 
 Delilah. Wall, no marter. Come over here 'n' set in the 
 rockin'-cheer. (Leads way, L.) We'll have an offle good time 
 while the ol' folks is gone. 
 
 Sampson. (Rises sloivly and starts to follow, aside.) Ef I 
 wa'n't so 'tarnal bashful I'd spark her good now. (Stops sud- 
 denly loith look of horror, and clutches wildly at trouser's waist.) 
 Gosh all hemlock! 
 
 Delilah. (Looking round.) What's the matter Samp? Ye 
 look's ef ye was ondone. 
 
 Sampson. (Aside.) I'm darn 'fraid I am. (Investigates.) 
 
 Delilah. Don't act so skeered. There hain't no danger. 
 
 Sampson. Naw, I s'pose not (aside) — 'n' me with both gal- 
 luses busted! 
 
 Delilah. Come on over 'n' have a glass o' lemmynade. 
 (Potirs one out.) 
 
 Sampson. (Hastily.) No, thanky. I jest had one. (Turns 
 side to and works desperately on suspenders, watching Delilah 
 over his shoulder.) 
 
 Delilah. (Surprised.) Ye did? No marter; have another 
 one. (Turns and offers glass, surprised.) Why, wha/t ye dewin', 
 Sampson? 
 
 Sampson. (Hastily.) N-Nuthin' (aside) — 'cause I's all un- 
 done. (Keeps side to and fumWes under vest.) 
 
 Delilah. (Suspiciously.) What be yew huntin' arter? 
 
 Sampson. N-Nuthin' — I mean, c-c-cooties. 
 
 Delilah. Oh, quit yer toolin'. Drink this lemmynade; that'll 
 fix 'em. (Offers it.) 
 
 Sampson. (Hastily.) No, thanky; never eat It. My — My 
 teeth is poor. (Edges off.) 
 
 Delilah. Wall, jest as yew say. (Puts glass on table and 
 takes up dish of apples.) Have an apple, then. (Offers dish.) 
 
 Sampson. No, thanky. I — I's busy. (Fumbles desperately 
 with suspenders.) 
 
 Delilah. (Dryly.) Yis; I noticed it — ^but 'tain't p'lite ter 
 pay no 'tention ter the gal yer callin' on. Ef ye don't let me 
 treat ye ter nothin' I'll think ye don't like me any — (senti- 
 mentally) — 'n' then I should feel offle bad. (Makes eyes at 
 him.) 
 
 Sampson. (Quickly.) Oh, I dew. I dearly love — (Stops 
 a{ghast and clans one hand over mouth, holding on waistband 
 with the other.) 
 
 Delilah. (Simpering.) Who, Sampson? 
 
 Sampson. (Terrified.) Oh, I— I dunno. (Catching sight of 
 dish.) Apples! 
 
SAMPSON'S COURTIN' 7 
 
 Delilah. {Disappointed.) Wall — have one, then. (Offers 
 dish.) 
 
 Sampson. (Hesitates, then takes one.) Thanky, Delily. 
 Yer — yer a dreffle slick gal; slicker'n a taller candle in July. 
 (Stops, aghast.) 
 
 Delilah. (Delighted.) D'ye reely think so, Sampson? Have 
 another apple. (Offers dish.) 
 
 Sampson. I hain't eet this one yit. 
 
 Delilah. No marter; take another. Eat 'em both ter oncet. 
 (Offers dish.) 
 
 Sampson. (Takes one with same hand.) Say, what sort o* 
 mouth d'ye think I got? 
 
 Delilah. A reel sweet one, Sampson. (Simpers.) 
 
 Sampson. (Starting back, alarmed.) G-Gosh a'mighty! Ye 
 don't, dew ye? Reely? 
 
 Delilah. Sartain. Have another apple, Sampson. That's 
 the boy. (Offers dish.) 
 
 Sampson. My — my hand's full now. (Looks at it.) 
 
 Delilah. That's nothin'. Take t'other. (Offers dish.) 
 
 Sampson. (Looking at one holding waistband.) But — but — ■ 
 but— 
 
 Delilah. (Impatiently.) Oh, stop yer buttin'. Grab an ap- 
 ple, 'n'. 
 
 Sampson. (Looks at side and fumbles waistband.) I — I 
 can't stop my button — (aside) it's tore off 'n' gone. 
 
 Delilah. (Warningly, shaking dish.) Come, grab; ye know 
 what I'll think ef ye don't. 
 
 Sampson. (Desperately frightened.) I — I'm 'fraid I'll bust. 
 (Looks at waist.) 
 
 Delilah. Oh, shucks! Ye'd hold a peck of 'em. Grab one. 
 (Shakes dish.) 
 
 Sampson. (In apony of terror.) 'Fore gad I darsn't, Miss 
 Ducklegs. 
 
 Delilah. (Resolutely.) Ye know what'll happen ef ye don't. 
 
 Sampson. Y-Yas — (aside) 'n' I know durned well what'll 
 happen ef I dew. 
 
 Delilah. I won't have no feller 'round that won't so much 
 as chaw apples for me. Have one naow? 
 
 Sampson. (Hesitating.) Y-Yas, I s'pose so — but I's a dreffle 
 skeart man. 
 
 Delilah. One more apple won't hurt ye none — nor I won't 
 nuther. (Shakes dish.) 
 
 Sampson. (Drawing long breath.) Wall, ef I must, I must. 
 (Cautiously reaches for apple, then, horrified.) Oh Lordy 
 mighty! They're slippin'. (Grabs frantically at waistband and 
 hurries off, R.) 
 
 Delilah. (Hastily.) Wait! Where ye goin'? 
 
8 SAMPSONS COURTIN' . ~ 
 
 Sampson. Goin' hum. 
 
 Delilah. What for? 
 
 Sampson; Ter — ter tell Marm she wants me. 
 
 Delilah. She don't want ye half so much as I dew. 
 
 Sampson. But — but I want her ter want me. (Edging off, 
 aside.) Drat them galluses! 
 
 Delilah. (Quickly.) Hold on, Sampson. Don't slide off that 
 erway. 
 
 Sampson. (Tragically.) I am a holdin' on — (aside) 'n' 
 suthin's goin' ter slide off. 
 
 Delilah. Stay a little longer. Set daown. 
 
 Sampson. Ef I stay I got ter set daown. (Drops on lounger- 
 lays down apples.) 
 
 Delilah. (Sits heside him, putting apples on other side.) 
 Naow hain't this scrumptious, Sampson? (He turns away and 
 fumbles suspenders.) What on airth's the matter with ye? 
 Jealous? 
 
 Sampson. (Looking toward her.) Jealous? No. (Turns 
 away and fumbles, aside.) "Gallus. 
 
 Delilah. Where's yer apples gone, Samp? 
 
 Sampson. Apples? Oh, I — I eet 'em. (Slyly pushes them 
 behind him.) 
 
 Delilah. Then have another. Here! (Picks one out and 
 offers it.) Here's an ol' gol-buster. 
 
 Sampson. I — I couldn't no way, Delily. I's chawed apples 
 till I's as full o' pomace as a cider-press. 
 
 Delh^ah. Put it in yer pants pocket till ye want it, then. 
 Wait a minute; I will — right on yer hip. (Ticcks apple under 
 his coat-tail.) 
 
 Sampson. (Jumping and curling up.) Wow! it's cold. 
 (Aside.) That apple ain't in no pocket; it's right in where I 
 am. (Squirms.) 
 
 Delilah. (Wonderingly.) What makes ye so wiggley, Samp- 
 son? 
 
 Sampson. (Hastily.) Nothin' — I mean I — I got — got misery 
 in the stummick. (Squirms.) 
 
 Delilah. Fresh fruit is good for it. Have another apple; 
 have two apples. (Offers first one, then two.) 
 
 Sampson. (Drawing back.) I — I couldn't — not naow. My 
 teeth is all on aidge. 
 
 Delilah. Put 'em in yer pocket till they hain't. (Tucks ap- 
 ples under his coat-tail.) 
 
 Sampson. (Jumping and curling up, aside.) There them go, 
 tew — 'n' the dum stems scratch. (Squirms.) 
 
 Delilah. (Suspiciously.) What makes ye so pesky diseasy. 
 Samp? 
 
 Sampson. (Quickly.) I hain't deceased — (aside) but these 
 dum galluses is. (Fusses with them.) 
 
SAMPSON'S COURTIN' 9 
 
 Delilah. (After pause.) Samp! Samp! (Punches him un- 
 der arm with thumb.) Why don't ye talk tew me? 
 
 Sampson. (Jumping wildly.) Ow! What'll I say? 
 
 Delilah. Oh, I don't keer. Anything cute, 
 
 Sampson. Wall, I'll try. Haow — haow's yer Marm? 
 
 Delixah. Harm's pooty well — only she's got relidgin. 
 
 Sampson. (Absently, fussing with suspenders.) Too bad! 
 She'd orter got vaccinated. (Aside, angrily.) Dum these ol' 
 galluses! 
 
 Delilah. (After another pause.) Wall — (punching him) is 
 that all ye got ter say? 
 
 Sampson. (Same play as before.) Oh! I — I forgot. Haow — 
 haow's yer Pa? 
 
 Delilah. Pa's pooty well, tew — 'cept his corns 'n' his in- 
 growin' toenails. 
 
 Sampson. (Absently, working on suspenders.) Gin him cop- 
 peras 'n' croton ile. 
 
 Delilah. (Drawing back and staring at his back in astonish- 
 ment.) What on airth d'ye mean? What for? 
 
 Sampson. (Absently.) Oh — nothin'. 
 
 Delilah. Now looky here, Samp Spike, ef yer goin' ter spark 
 me ye got ter git ter goin'? 
 
 Sampson. (Terrified.) Sp-Spark ye! 
 
 Delilah. (Hastily.) I said speak tew me. 
 
 Sampson. (Relieved.) Oh! (Aside.) That don't skeer me 
 quite so bad. (Looks at her out of corner of eyes.) Gosh! hain't 
 she a slick chunk o' she-critter? 
 
 Delilah. (Irritably.) I thought ye's goin' ter talk tew me. 
 
 Sampson. I be. H-Haow's yer dog? (Puts thumbs in arm- 
 holes, twiddles fingers and grins like an idiot.) 
 
 Delilah. Dog? We hain't had no dog for five year — not 
 sence he eet some o' my biscuit. 
 
 Sampson. Pore critter! Tew bad! Haow — haow's the cat? 
 (Twiddles fingers and chuckles foolishly, shoulders silently 
 shaking. ) 
 
 Delilah. Tab's all right, trimenjously all right. She's got 
 seven kittens. 
 
 Sampson. I be durned! (Anxiously.) Haow be yew? 
 
 Delilah. I's all right. There's only one thing ails me. 
 
 Sampson. (Quickly.) What's that? 
 
 Delilah. Marm says I snore nights. 
 
 Sampson. (Relieved.) Can't ye stop it? 
 
 Delilah. Hain't got no stopper fit. Marm says put a close- 
 pin on my nose. 
 
 Sampson. Ye couldn't; 'tain't big 'nough. 
 
 Dehlilah. (Angrily.) Don't ye say I got a big nose. Ef I 
 
10 SAMPSONS COURTIN' 
 
 had one like yourn I'd cut ten pound off the end on it and sell 
 it for soapgrease. 
 
 Sampsojt. (Aghast.) I didn't; 'fore gad I didn't! I said 
 yer nose wasn't big 'nough for a closepin. 'Twouldn't stay on. 
 
 Delilah. Oh, that's diff'runt. What kin I dew, then? 
 
 Sampson. (Attention wandering, fussing with suspender.) 
 Have ter tie a knot in it. 
 
 Delilah. (Mad again.) Tie a knot in it! Think I got a 
 nose like a bologn'. 
 
 Sampson. (Hastily, confused.) No! no! I's thinkin' o' 
 suthin' else. Like a smoked ham. (She boxes his ears.) Ow! 
 (Claps hand to ear.) I mean a little bit of a sweet little angel 
 rooter, right from the starry gates o' glory. That teenty-tonty 
 smeller o' yourn's so little it sticks in 'stid o' out. 
 
 Delilah. (Warningly.) Wall, don't ye go ter stickin' yourn 
 in where it don't b'long or ye'll be gittin' inter trouble. . 
 
 Sampson. (Flustered.) D-D-Delily! 
 
 Delilah. What? 
 
 Sampson. I — I think yer jes tew sweet ter live. (Chuckles 
 like an idiot, thumbs in armholes and fingers twiddling.) 
 
 Delilah. (Delighted.) Don't, Samp; ye'll kill me, sure — 
 but it's dreffle sweet o* ye ter say that. Have some more apples. 
 (Holds out a couple.) 
 
 Sampson. (Drawing back.) No, no; I hain't got no room 
 fer 'em. Honest, I hain't. (Aside.) That's no dream. 
 
 Delilah. Lots o' room in yer pocket. See? (tucks them 
 under his coattail.) 
 
 Sampson. (Business as before.) Ow! (Aside.) There goes 
 them tew! It's hard settin' in the seat o' the scornful. 
 (Squirms.) 
 
 Delilah. Sampson? 
 
 Sampson. Yes, dear. (Stops aghast and claps hand over 
 mouth.) 
 
 Delilah. (Hanging head and looking up at him languish- 
 ingly, finger in corner of mouth.) D'ye reely think I's sweet? 
 
 Sampson. Not a doubt of it. Sweet as a sweetheart sweet- 
 ened with sap'lasses 'n' shoveled up in a sugar-scupe. 
 
 Delii^h. (Ecstatically.) Yew darlin'! Have the rest o' 
 these apples. (Offers them.) 
 
 Sampson. (Frightened, holding out both hands to ward her 
 off.) 1 — I couldn't noway. 
 
 Delilah. But ye must. A gal's got ter dew suthin' ter show 
 she 'predates a feller that kin talk like that. 
 
 SA]\rpsoN. (Draioing back.) I tell ye I can't. Honest ter gad 
 I can't! I hain't got no 'commodation fer 'em. 
 
 Delilah. Lots o' 'commodation in yer pants pocket yit. See? 
 (Tucks them under his coat.) 
 
SAMPSON- S COURTIN' 11 
 
 Sampson. (Business as before, aside.) Wisht the dum p^^ints 
 had been built fer ol' Goliah. There's tew many on us in here. 
 (Squirms.) 
 
 Delilah. There! plenty o' room fer 'em— but ye have got 
 the blamedest pants pocket / ever see. 
 
 Sampson. (Fervently, aside.) Hope ter heaven she didn't 
 see! (Squirming.) Gee! she's a born apple-packer. It's durn 
 crowded in where I am. (Twists.) 
 
 Delilah. (Looking at him lovingly.) What makes ye wig- 
 gle so, Sampson? 
 
 Sampson. (In desperation.) Wiggle! I bet ycw'd wiggle ef 
 ye had six months rations in — (pause) where I have. (Squirms.) 
 
 Dbililah. I never s'posed ye's sich o big eater. Hain't ve 
 'fraid ye'll bust? 
 
 Sampson. (Tragically.) I have busted. (Turns away and 
 tvoi'ks desperately on suspenders.) 
 
 Delilah. (Quickly.) Ye have? Where? Lie's see. 
 
 Sampson. (Wildly.) No! no! ye'd never live through it — 
 nor I nuther. 
 
 Delilah. Nonsense! I kin stan' more'n ye think I can. I's 
 done up lots o' sore toes. Mebbe I c'n mend ye. (Leans toward 
 him.) 
 
 Sampson. (Aghast.) Oh heavins! (Sees apples on lounge.) 
 Them apples! Ef she sees 'em she'll know I lied 'bout eatin' 
 'em 'n' I'll be undone agin. (Snatches them up.) Two more 
 won't count 'mong so many. (Crams them inside waistband, 
 squirming. ) 
 
 Delilah. (Leaning closer, languishingly .) I's goin* ter look, 
 Sampson. Do' let me squash ye. (Flings arm round his neck 
 and leans on his breast to look at his side.) 
 
 Sampson. (Flinging up hands in terror.) Oh Lordy! Look 
 a' that ton 'n' a half o' tenderness! (Hands uplifted and mouth 
 hanging open as he rolls eyes down at her.) 
 
 Delilah. I do' see nothin' out o' kilter. (Turns face and 
 simpers up at him.) 'Tain't half so bad's ye's 'fraid it was, is it, 
 Samp? 
 
 Sampson. (Beside himself.) I can't stan' this, nohow; I love 
 her harder'n a boss kin kick. D-D-D-Deliiy! (Flings arms 
 round her and hugs her ecstatically.) 
 
 Delilah. (Simpering up at him.) This is kind o' blessed, 
 hain't it, Sampson? 
 
 Sampson. Blessed! Oh, Delily! 'Pears like I got ter kiss ye 
 or bust. 
 
 Delilah. Then ye better kiss me. Ef ye should bust jes' 
 think haow the apples'd fly. (Offers lips.) 
 
 Sampson. (Scared again.) Then I s'pose I — I better — but 
 I never done no sich thing afore 'n' I's skeard. 
 
 Delilah. 'Twon't hurt ye a mite, Sampson — nor me nuther. 
 (Lifts mouth.) 
 
12 SAMPSON'S COURTIN' 
 
 Sampson. I — I s'pose not — so here goes! (Starts to kiss 
 her two or three times htU draws back in alarm.) 
 
 Delilah. Wall — why don't ye git there, Sampson? (Raises 
 lips again.) 
 
 Sampson. (Terrified.) I — I's goin' ter — in a few minutes, 
 or half an hour, or this ev'nin', or ter-morrer sometime. 
 
 Delilah. (Turning face away, aside, viciously.) The fool! 
 (Aloud, raising lips again.) Hurry up ef yer goin' ter. Here 
 comes Pa 'n' Marm. 
 
 Sampson. (Horrified.) Oh my Lord! (Throws her off and 
 spriiiigs tdldly to feet; apples roll in all directions.) 
 
 Delilah. (Jumping up, surprised.) Oh, Samp! Ye must 'a' 
 swallered 'em whole. 
 
 Sampson. (Wildly.) I has busted; I's ruined. I's all comin' 
 ter pieces. Lemme out o' this. (Looks at door.) No use! Pa 
 'n' Marm Ducklegs is comin' there. The winder's all that's left. 
 (Rushes R.) 
 
 Delilah. Wait, Samp; I's only foolin'. Pa 'n' Marm ain't 
 comin' yit. They're gone off. 
 
 Sampson. (Wildly.) No they hain't — (clutching waistbands) 
 but they come durn near it 'n' I's 'fraid they will yit. (Rushes 
 to loindow and flings himself across sill.) 
 
 Delilah. (Grabbing him by trouserlegs and holding him.) 
 Come back in here, ye silly critter. There's nobody here. 
 
 Sampson. (Body out of sight.) Not much! It's tew hot in 
 there fer me. (Struggles.) 
 
 Delilah. Come back, I say — or I'll cool ye off in a way ye 
 won't like. (Snatches glass of lemonade from table with one 
 hand.) 
 
 Sampson. No sirree bob! (Kicks.) 
 
 Delilah. (Angrily.) Take that, then! (Empties glass in 
 trouser-leg and hastily replaces glass; catches hold of other leg 
 and pulls.) 
 
 Sampson. (Yelling wildly.) Woo! Lordy mighty! what have 
 I done? (Struggles till legs almost disappear.) 
 
 Delilah. I's got ye, Samp Spike; ye can't git erway. Come 
 back in here! (Tugs.) 
 
 Sampson, Heaven help me! I's ruined. Take 'em, Delily — 
 with my dyin' blessin'; I's undone. (His feet disappear; Delilah 
 .staggers from windoiv, half turns and goes over backward, leav- 
 ing trousers by legs with both hands.) 
 
 quick curtain. 
 
THE BUGBEE ENTERTAINMENTS 
 
 ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 
 
 ^ — __- 
 
 Coonville 'Ristocrat Club. A darkey play for church or 
 school or any occasion. Clean and wholesome. Cm., 6f. Time, 
 1 hour. 35 cents. 
 
 Darktown Social Betterment Society. A good wholesome 
 darkey play. Very funny. For 9 male characters. Time, 30 
 minutes. 25 cents. 
 
 Uncle Eben's Surprise Party. Here is another splendid 
 negro play. It certainly is a surprise party. 6m., 6f. Time, 
 30 minutes. 25 cents. 
 
 Uncle Si and the Sunbeam Club. A delightful play for 
 grammer grades. Opportunity for specialties. 7m., 7f. Time, 
 30 minutes. 30 cents. 
 
 Closing day at Beanville School. The most popular play 
 for intermediate grades we have ever offered. 7m., 7f. (more 
 or less). Time, 30 minutes or more. 30 cents. 
 
 Seven Little Soldiers and Seven Little Maids. For primary 
 or intermeiate grades. A splendid patriotic number. Book 
 contains also "The Little Patriots' Loyalty Drill." 25 cents. 
 
 Midgets' Grand Parade. A delightful pageant for little 
 tots. Very easy to produce. Time, 30 minutes. 25 cents. 
 
 Funny Little Food Folks. A novelty entertainment for 
 children. This is something different. Time, 30 min. 25 cents. 
 
 Jolly Christmas Book. By Willis N. Bugbee. The latest, 
 jolliest and most usable Christmas book on the market. Full 
 of good things for a complete Christmas program. 40 cents. 
 
 America's Flag. A beautiful patriotic march and drill 
 with tableaux. For 8 or 12 girls. 25 cents. 
 
 Following the Stars and Stripes. A splendid new patriotic 
 pageant. This should be on every program. For any number 
 of children. Time, 15 to 45 minutes. 25 cents. 
 
 Pretty Pageants for Young Folks. These pageants are not 
 only pretty but right up to the minute. Very easy and pleas- 
 ing. Good for any time. 30 cents. 
 
 Commencement Helps and Hints. For Eighth Grade 
 People. Contains salutatories, valedictories, histories, class 
 will, prophecies, banquet, class drill, play, yells, mottoes, 
 colors, novel sports, songs, stunts, etc. A valuable book. 35 
 cents. 
 
 Commencement Treasury. Brimful of helpful material for 
 the high school graduate. Salutatories, valedictories, pro- 
 phecies, etc., etc. 50 cents. 
 
 Uncle Peter's Proposal. A farce in 2 acts by W. T. New- 
 ton, 3m., 2f. A very clever little play. Time, 30 minutes. 25 
 cents. 
 
 THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 III 
 
 THE BUGBEE ENTERlAimvlrnVro 
 
 ARE FAVORITES EVERYWHERE 
 
 Old Class Reunion. A prophetic class play. The members 
 of the old class get together for the first time in. 30 years. 
 7m., 7f. 30 minutes. 25 cents. 
 
 Mrs. Deacon Spriggs. A two-act play for older women. 
 Full of good healthy fun and lively gossip. 12f. 30 minutes. 
 25 cents. ___^>_ 
 
 The Bugbee Song Novelties 
 
 Sally and Si at the Circus. A duet for two country lovers 
 who go to the circus and have a gay old time. 35 cents. 
 
 Sewing Ladies Meet, The. The ladies meet to sew but 
 you know how it is — they do more gossipping than, sewing. 
 Very cute. 35 cents. 
 
 Little Washerwomen, The. An action song for little ladies 
 at their tubs. A most delightful number. 35 cents. 
 
 Won't You Come and Play With Me. A duet for boy and 
 girl, or for two boys and two girls. To be sung with actions. 
 35 cents. 
 
 Dearest School of All, The. A pleasing song for a whole 
 school or class. Can be used any time, or as farewell song. 
 35 cents. 
 
 We're Mighty Glad to See You. Another welcome song 
 that will make the audience feel right at home. To be sung 
 with action. 35 cents. 
 
 When Santa Had the Rhumatiz. How dreadful it would 
 have been if he hadn't got cured in time to make his rounds. 
 35 cents. 
 
 There's a Welcome Here for You. A song that offers a 
 genuine welcome to the audience. 35 cents. 
 
 Don't Forget to Come Again. Another delightful good-bye 
 song. 35 cents. 
 
 We've Got the Mumps. A novelty costume song for chil- 
 dren supposed to be afflicted with the mumps. 35 cents. 
 
 The Old Home Folks. A song for adults, or older boys 
 and girls, to be used on any program. 35 cents. 
 
 Our Latch Strings Hangs Outside.. A dandy new welcome 
 song that will start your entertainment right. Sheet music. 
 35 cents. 
 
 Just Smile and Say Good-Bye. A capital song to send your 
 audience home feeling good natured. Bright and catchy. 35 
 cents. 
 
 De Coonville Jubilee. The 'Ristocrats of Coonville hold a 
 jubilee and "Dey didn't get home till the break ob day." Sheet 
 music. 35 cents. 
 
 THE WILLIS N. BUGBEE CO., SYRACUSE, N. Y.