Qass_ Book- h ^^23 "WHUN LIGHTITIKG STRIKES." A COLiEDY DRAIiA IN ]?OUR ACTS BY 1 R C N 1 E P F I 7T G ^ E L L, CC P Y R I G H T E D 1911. BY ALTDX. EYERS. NOTE. Under the new copyrighted law the rights of production of a play are not secured by the purchase of a manuscript of it, and copying of a copyrighted play, and sale of copies of it, are offences punishable by fin© and if done ?/ilfiilly by im- prisonment. Por manuscripts of this play, and rights to produce it, applj"^ to. THE CHICAGO MAiroSCRlPT. , 431 >T. CLARK ST., CHICAGO, ILL., ^Cl.D 25243 I ^Wlimi LICrHTMIECr STRIKF2" I A Comedy Drama in ?our Acts / l3y «r MIROH LEF^IKQPTRLL* Cast. "Dicky" Bird' '^■^o has Just left Yale. John Hayward ■ Back from Idaho. I-elham Haynes- A Leading Citizen* Ed.v,rard Middleton "An *'Unde sir able » " Silas Screwhy -Old Tight Wad §1, Jere Blossom A Sleuth, Mary Hanes ■ A Moaarn Cinderella,-. 71orence Her Half sister; Rose Summers Mary's Spinster Aunt. SYHOISIS Act 1:- Lihrary and reception room in the Haynes llansiono Act 2:- Garden and grounds cf the Hayne's ITansion^ Act 3:- kiss Summers' Cottage, Act 4:- Same as Act 1. Lihrary in the Haynes' iianslon. Scene:- A small town in the 2.1iddle West., Time: — The Present, oooOOOOOOOooo Act IPirst. SCEeE: — Library and reception room in the Haynes' ICansion. Diagram -t^XI-LABATlOE (I) Arch Rme in Aunt Eos- I Come in I (I'.ose SuLruners, a spin- star of uncertain age enters. She is dressed rather youthfully and liaries a coquetishness of m.anner with a griinness and sourness of spe«ch at times. ^ This visit is a surprise and a pleasure. Rose Eay"be, and then again, laayhs not. There's a storm coming up, and I didn't want my new hat to "be spoil ed^ JTary I can understand that, Aunty. It is most "becoming. Rose PlumphI I hope you mean what you say. (l-ausing hefore seating her- self on divan C.) I'lary I certainly, do Aunty o R^se I hope so, I should hate to think of you ray sister's child grow- ing up into one of those deceitful "cats". (Sniffing) I-hewI This roofl smells like a har-roo-a, or (CToughs) ^^lat I imagine a "bar-room would smell like^ The stale tobacco smoke nauseating, the peoria odor of alcfeoBiol reminiscent ofa joint session of the legislature and — (l-icking up several playing cards. Looking at them) licaves from the devil 'c5 hihle^ It seems to me, Mary, that an "orgie" has been taking place here. Mary Oh, I'll have it all clearned up in a minute. Aunty. (Gets waste "basket from under desk RoCommsnces to clear ta"ble of glasses and empty "bottles, placing them .an baskets) I'll open the window, and air the roomJ (Starts up sta-e. Distant thunder heard) Rose (Starts) ^ ■Ane awaj from that window. Don't open it« Mary Eh? (In surprise) ^y not, Aunty? Ro se Do you want to see me a gibbering maniac? You know I'm afraid of thunder and lightning, ^''ould you have me, your mother's sister expire before your very eyes T/ith l^ervous I-rostation? Mary I only wanted to "freshen" thingn up^ Rose Don't y:Ou get "too fresh" while I'm about, young Mxsi woraanl Answer me, who has d een guilty of this debanch?( Indicates table) Mary Well, you see, father -- Rose (interrupting her) rOiat , I-elham Haynes, empties all those bot- tles, Ma-ry Oh dear no, he had several guests, "I-r, liiddleton, and — Ro se Middleton? Kiamphi I ' -e no uso for that laan at all. Mary Then there ^.-as T^rr, -Rird, -who I understand is "boarding witla you« p.o se ^at*? Mr, Bird? That innocent and unsophisticed child? Your father ought to he ashanied of h.iuseif endeavoring to corrupt the morals of "Diciy Bird" T??ho is only an ingenuous che uh , and whollj^ ignorant of all vice and has never ventured on the primrose path which leads to perdition. Mary Aheml T understand that "Dicky" "bird as you call him spent three years at Yale and was requested hy the faculty ot leave^ Rose The victim of a jealous conspiracy, no doubt. (Gushingly) ;^h , if you had looked into Dicky's eyes as I have done and have seen the light of truth, shining there. Ah, those eyes, those eyes which mirror his untatined and guileless soul. Ah, me I (sighsj But your father old in dissipation shall not lure this innocent from the paths of rectitude ^ if I - Rose Sum;r.-aers can prevent it. Mary Aunt Rosy, don't speak ill of my father;. Rose Hovv can I speak wen of him? once the richest" man in towi , ¥/hat position does he hold now? His once ample .fortune almost complete- ly scattered by his extravagance and wild speculationso Mary father never pretended to he a man of "business, hut he ' s a good man for all that^ Try in justice Aunty, to forget his faults when you contemplate his virtues o Rose Virtues? ^iddlesticksl Justice? Piffle | jf j-eiham Kaynes ever gets what's coming to him, when he leaves this sinful world, he won't have any use for winter under clohheSo It makes me hoil all over when T think hs'w he treated your poor mother, and how he is treating you. Mary %y he doesn't ill treat me, Aunty. Rose Does he treat you as he treats your half sister, Florence? -"^is child hy his second marriage? Here you are doing house maid's work and she's, always on the "gallivant," She flirts around in Paris frocks, and wearing "sinful™ hats, and you're done up in a gingham apron. You're Cinderella and Trlorence is the Q,ueen of She-ba — Mary Somebody has to do the work, Aunty, You kn-J'" we liave no servant now, Ro se Why haven't you , tell me that? Mary Whji we have to economize, you know we owe a lot of mon^y 'and — Ro s e , ; n\»/e?w "We" owe a lot of mon^, don't talk to me of "v/e", i knov/ the whole state of affairs. This house is mortgaged from cellar to roof. It*s talked of all over town, oltl Screwby has commended fore-closure xoroceedings , a pretty state of affairs, you're all facing up. There's your fathsr facing :?inancial ruin, knows nothing about i^oaaeyks except hov7 to throw it away. Tliere's that butterfly Florence your half sister -- 3-E Mary Eo more aliout Florence, Aunty^ She's very dear to me. (J-elham enters R-3«E, stands listening) Rose (Sniffs) The empty headed doll ■vroiild Toe a "dear" investment to anyone. She carrying on a flirtation with that Middleton fellow ^ a creatxire of your father's type, only worse, and now I've got t9 come to yourself c You have hsen meeting that John Hayward ^o's just hack from Idaho to the mortification of all our friend. and scandal of the v/hole town.- Mary (DefiajntlyJ And what if I have met him? He loves me sincerely^ and I - I love him. Rose You love a murderer? Mary John is no murderer „ h® was acquitted "by a jury of his euals, who refused to believe the charge ard would not accept the manu- facutred and prejured evidence against himo Rose Lots of people here in his home town heli-ve him guilty = Mary That is because they're heartless, cruel. They're like a pack of wolves who scent the blood of the wounded stage and trial him to his death. They point the finger of suspicion at John because he returns poor, because he's what they term a failure. He never was concerned in the assassination of Idaho's ex-governor = He was freed by the lav^ of the land. He lorotests his innocence before Qod and by the love he bears me« And by the love i bear him. I believe himo Wherever he goes, I am ready to go too, to cheer him in adversity, even if I have to give up all 't^s rest of the world beside. 3-elham Very eloquent, but hardly practical, liary„ *' ou can't go against public Opinion^ A stigma has been placed on"John Ha,yward's char- acter, which can never beeffaced, I v;culd hardly care to receive the gentleman as a son-in-lavr. If you have been meeting him by surreptitiously, stop it and stop it at once, or you will compel me to use harsh measures. (Turns to Eos*) Crood evening Miss SuJiimers , somewhat of a surprise to find you here beneath my roof ^ Rose (Snappishly) I'm some what surprised to find myself here, Pe iham Yes, your visits like "angels" are few and far between. Rose There's not much of the angel about me,, 3-eiham Yes, so I've alv^^ays observed. Clear a'^yay this truck, Mary, (tointing to basket containing bottles etc., Mary gets dust pan and brushes the cigar stumps, ashes etc„ intopan.. Picks up basket in one hand, carries pan in the other, about to exit R,.2oE) Pelham - Wait a minute I js there a drink left in any of these bottles? (Mary stops. Pelham as she ix exaiaining bottles, comes over to her impatiently ) » Oh, damn itl You'll take all night over ito Let me seel(H^ picks the bottles over, finds one) Ah, here's 4-E ons i (Takes it and glass over to talole ) All rights you may go, (iiary exits R.2o-^.) I-eUian (l-ours out drink) Sorry there isn't more ^ or I'd asl; you to join me J Miss Slimmer s. Rose (Sniffs indignantly) You know I never trifle with the "demon^" I-elham I didn't know . It's been so long since I kept any cases on you, and I thought that with your advancing years", you might have "broken looge . Rose (Horrified) Broken loose? I-elhan Lots of old girls are "periodicals", Thsy stub their "toe" quite regularly. Rose (Half to herself) Ribald Ruffian I telham Your very good health, Rose! (Drinks) I5n-ahl I needed that, ^ell, I guess I'm up for the day. Rose (Aside) Lazy beast I lelham Eh, what"'s that? Rose (Sarcastically) Do you usually begin your day at half past six in the evening? I-elhajn Eo , I generally TAait until half past eight, but Hary made such a noise in tidying up this room, that she awakened me, and I had a horrible night of it. Never saw such inferns.1 luck in my life. By the v/ay that young fellow living at your house ^ old "Sl^gfe "Tight ?fad Screwly's psrrtege" he ' s a "vulture," Rose What? I-elham Haynes , if you are referring to I'Ir„ Dicky Bird — I-e Iham Yes, he's a bird all right. Rose You are a wicked man to speak that way of an innocent "cherub" and after getting him to keep late hours, tempting him to drink.. }-elhan Tempting him *? (Laugh s) Hal Hal Ha! Rose And teaching him to ganible. J- e Iham Teaching him? Do you knov/ he carried off all the noney in the house last night? Rose I*m glad to hear it, but I venture to say what money he could carry away feoia this house now, wouldn't make him round shoulder- ed. You've brought your affairs to a pretty pass, I-elham Haynes. (Middleton comes do^m steps at back R..L\E. ) 3- e Iham You'll pardon ne Rose Summers if I suggest that it's no business of yours what TI do with my own atfairs,. Rose Well, I'll mai:e it mine, vmon I see ray dead sister's child made a drudge by you and neglected; ^Mle you pamper Florence ^ your daughter by your second marriage^ I-eUiam Hold yx»ur tongue j Rose (Belligerent) You try and make me hold it, you just tryl It's your -Tavortism that you shovr Florence and your neglect of Kary that'y driving that poor girl into Jack Hayward's arms. She yearas for affection, -Trhich you -with hold from her « ^on't it be a beaut- iful thing if she should marry this man', who has been tried for his life and is discredit ed, and suspected by every ne here in his horae town? "hat would hsr poor mother say if she ^ms alive, - and thatbrings me to something else„ ^^hat has bee One of Fary's inheritance left her by my sister? Have you squandered that on yourself and [Florence? You v;ere made trustee of that fund^ What have you done with your money? T- -^.Iham None of your damned business. Rose Well, I'll just inake it my "damned" business^, Ilary's not of age and I'll have her throwi into chancery, probably you tell the court then it's none of their damned business, maybe and then again, maybe not. I-elham Leave my house c Ro s e I will and I'll throw Jfery into chancery„- I-elham Go throw yourself in the river and v'a.sh ofif your war paint.. Rose ""far paint?" Ughl Y'-JU- vulgar villianous, venomous, viper I I scorn youl (Exits L.U„EJ Middleton (Coming down) And who is that "darn old lady? telham (Turns sha,rply) ObJ^. you are here ^ eh? Kiddleton Oh yes, and somewhat interested in what I le ard, js that bell- igerent old beauty a relative? I-elham - She's Mary's aunt, Middleton Oho'. I see, so Mary is an heiress, eli? -.ine girl, Mary, if she was properly f rocked and all that, I'v^ s-rt of neglected Mary. I-elham ^hat are you driving at? Middloton Oh nothing in particular. I-e Iham You'd better speak out. I don't like ambiguous remarks, ^f you have anything on your mind, speali. Muddle ton I Willi (l-ause) Haynes , you and I are tv/o of a kind, ^■'e're an awful pair of four flushers. v^'-^ invited me here to your house iDecause you thi'ught I had money and ^ came h^re in the m33stG,ken "belief that you were weel fixed^ ^t appears vhat "both of us liv=^ "by our wits„ I- elham Do you mean to say you have deceived me ^ that you are pennilsss? Middleton Not yst , hut spOHo I never could unassisted pay the milliner's and dress making bills of plorence. That pretty butterfly's wings need a lot of gilding as you know. ITo?? I rather liks you -»•- I-elhacn (Sarcastically) oh, do you? Middleton And I wouldn't mind accepting you as a father-in-law, I-elliam Oh, you wouldn't? Middleton But Florence, in the light of devolopments- is entirely our of the question, i v/ouldn't wrpng her so much as to insist on her be- coming Mrs, Middleton. ^^ow Z-Tarys inheritance makes her look dif- ferent in w eyes and I trust you 'vVill see the advanta e on all sides of me trans furring my attentions to her. '^.hat do you say? I-e iham ^''^at do I say? Why I say that, if I haclb't been^ credibly informed that your name was Edward Middleton ^ I would think I was listen- ing th "KSk NerTO , the ^fonk," And I will also further inforia you Ir^ttsx sir, that the sooner you take up your qi;..rters elsewhere ^ the better 1*11 be pleased. You - you - (About to swear, Kary enters R.2,E„She has doffed her apron) Middleton (Sees Mary) I implore you, T. Tr , Haynes , don't be violent , and don't use profanity in the presence of your innocent child:. (Mid- dleton' s assurance is toomuch for Haynes vfho starts and gasps and sinks into chair by fireplace, Mary corj.iences to gather up playing cards which are scattered all over floor) .Middleton Miss Mary, I hate to see you on your knees, let me pick these up fgr you, Mary Oh, I don't mind it at all, Mr ^ Middle tone Middleton Let me at least help you.. (Tails on knees , comiiiences to slovily gather up the cards. Middleton prolongs the business, he takes hold of the cards, Mary has already gathered and tries to take them from her « Im.ry resists good naturedly o Finally the cards fall on the floor again all scattered. Florence enters in the middle of the bus- , watches ITiddleton and Mary curiously and '.vhen he gathers up last card, she coughs) - Florence Aheml Hello Bed I "hat are you "up to"? i should say, "Dot^ti to?"» Middleton (Carelessly and indifferently) Good evening Miss Haynes I (HanL.s her pack of cards) j-ut these where they belong, won't you? 7„E IPlorsnce I would ^Nifh pleasure J but I don't rememlDer what pocket you usual' carry them in, Middleton (j-ause) I don't understand yoUj Kiss Haynes» Plorence ''hy aren't these cards the saiiis ones you showed papa last night and suggested that they he used in the ga3.ae where yju wers going to pick a bird of his feathers c. I sav^ and overheard you just as I TTas going up to ned^ I-elham Flossy, come here to me „ i?lor3nce Yes, papa! Ten me, Fed, of vrhat kind of bird were y-ju speaking? Middle ton '"!iat kind of bird? ^^y we thought he was a "dodo". He proved to be a cormorant, (The buzzard sounds) T- ^Iham fjihere's the buzzar , Kary. jf it's anybody except that infernal Scre'.7by, I'm not home «, Mary Yes sir. Middleton (Restraining Mary) "/ait a minute , Miss -fary , I-slham Hayn es , it mortifies m& exc-edingly to have reprove a man so siuch older than myself, but in this case, i must speak o telham (Gro''^ls) '^at the devil's the matter with you? Middleton (I»ompous ly) ^s it not' enougii to condemn your child to all the menial tasks of your household while her sister sits pacidly in Ijjxury and idleness, without saddling her pure and patient soul with deception and petty falsehood? If it isnecessary a lie should be told, I shall tell it c j win ans-'^-er the buzzar .my self ^ -Falsehood is foreign in my nature, but Mary shall be spared a guilty blush while I have power to prevent it, Mary Mr. Fiddleton, please let me go, don't make me disOeby my father „. (Breaks amay from him) Middleton If you insist Kary, answer the buzzar, but I will accompany yoUo Come, we will go together^ (Mary and Middleton exuent L,U,E,) I-elham Well, I'll be damned, PlorencG Papal 1- elham I-ardonme, pet, but the insolence of that scoimdrelly puppy ex- asperates me so that leant pick my words* [Florence ''^Jhat puppy, papa? le iham That Middleton per son i Florence Bed! My future husband a puppy] I-e Ihain He's a rank imposterj 8-E Florence Oh papa.* To speak so of one who hopes soaeday to call you father. I-elhani If he ever calls me "father" I'll "boil him in oili He's here under false colors, the sneaking swindler 1 Your hushand , indeed,' Why, I*ail murder hin first, (ticks up "andiron." Shakes it.) I don't know what stopped me from hraining him 'vihere he stood. (Flourishes andiron.) Plorance I-apai I-apa.' Don't'. Don't.' (Dicky speaks outside) Dicky (Outside) Kr. Haynes not at hosne , eh? jn that case, I'll just drop in and see him. Kiddle ton (Outside) -put - hut — ■nicky (outside) But - but don,t tell me to ""butt". I'm not a goat. On your way, "Desmo^^ate Desmond", I defy you, Florence Oh papa.' Here's some one, a stranger, j-ut that thing away, put it away, (To T-elham who is still flourishing the andiron.) You're frightening me to deathJ (Dicky enters L.U.. E„ carrying punching hag under one arm, set of gloves wrapped up under the other) Dicky i^Qaat is this? Beauty in distress? Fear nothing "angfl eyes", (Drops the hoxing gloves, puts right arm around her waist) I am "by your side. (She pushes him away and crosses to I-elham. ) Ths-t is, I'd like to he "hy your side. Ten me, you pea'h faced fash- ion plate, what has this venerable rough, neck "fe en trying to do to my preeiouB "Spinky ^'aukeo doodle bugs?" Tell ma, and j, "Dicky Bird" will tear him joint by joint and strew the hungry church yard with his aged limbs. }-elham Are you aware sir, that we are father and daughter? Dic]sy %at I DO you mean to say that you are his daughter? I mean (T<^ Florence) Cherry lips I Are you his father? Florence ^''e are related, sir. Dicky (Mournfully) I-oor child ll-oor child I But don't abandon hope, you may not >^ e. tre only may have kidnapped you in infa.ncy and brou^t you up in ignorance of your true identity „ ^Iho gnows. History abounds in such mssteriss, t can se . no points of resem- blance between you. Florence Sir! ^%atever your name be — Dicky "Diclsy Bird", fairest of thy sex, and always at your command. Florence Well sir, I'll hava you understand that I know he is my father an I 'm proud of him. Dicky Abeml itts the -rise child that kno^s its ovm father. 9-E I-elliam Come down to "business and stop all this fiddle f addle- What "brought you here? Di cky "Shank's mare." The other menas of conveyance in this "Benighted hurgh" are limited. I-elham And wl^ are you here? Dicky I am here, "because I'm here , because I'm here, te iham Weren't you told I T^as not at home, Dicky Oh yes, "but l know your servant was lying, so" I paid no attention to him. There's a "big 7;ind outside and i just "blew in," I-elhani My servant? (Enters L.U.E. ,,a,ry follov/s him) Dicky Yes, that fellow v;ho looks as if he played pool for a living and by the way, that reminds me, ICr. Haynes , you certainly had your assurance with you last night in inviting me to a gentleman's card game, and then ring in your coach nan, footman, valet or what ever hireling he may happen to be, to play agaisst us. I assure you, my_friend Screwby will be very much humiliated when he hears of it, _e will be here presently, j shall take pleasure in in- forming him of the slight put on his representative, j shall re- joice in the tears of anguish that v;ili roll do^m his ag4d cheek. Mid die ton If you are speaking of me as a servant let me tell you sir, I serve nobody. Dicky Nobody? Do you speak of my old friend Haynes as nobody? x.et me tell you fellow, Mr, Haynes is somebody , Pelham Middleton only serves the devil. Eicky The devil, wen begging the ladies' pardon, that is probably why he's a hell of a servant, I-elham Aheml These young ladies are my daughters, Mr. p.ird, Miss Plor- ance and Miss Mary. (Lusl Dicky grabs Florence's hand and shakes "it effusively) Dicky Miss Mary, j am charmed, ^rary was my mother's name» Grahd old name, Mary'. (Then he suddenly shifts hands holding on to S'lorence^ right hand with his L. pulls her over while he shakes Mary's hand) And this is Florence I I had an aunt named Plorence. isn't it strange ? Mary Yes, but I'm not Horence, Florence And I am not Mary. You've got us mixed, tt, ^irdo I'm piorence, and she, my sister is Kary^ Dic:^ (Still clinging to them) ^h, j see= (Looks from one to ths other) ©h, vftiat an embarrassment of rides I How happy could I be with eyether. Were the dsotter dear charmer away. After all "what's in a name.'" That which vie call a rose by any other name would 10-E smell as sv/eet. ICary (Releasing herself gently, licljy reaching after her^ vainly and dragging Florence with him) Kary (After ■bus) :"'r, -n, rd i . Dicky Eh? Oh, I don't mind if you call me "Dicky." Mary You v.'ere speaking of "rose." Did you now you are hoarding with my aunt Miss Summers? Di cky What? Miss Svimmers your aunt? Mary Yes, Aunty Rosy, y*^^ seo Rose is her first name, Dicky "Rose" her first name, it ought to he her last^: Mary I don't xinderstand, Dicky Why the last "Rose of summer." Don + t you see? Eh? (Laughs) Hal Hal Hal Li* le one of my owi. j roll them off Just like that- Mary Aunt Rosy thinks a good deal of you- Dicky (G-roans) Ahl Oh J And she makes me think a great deal ahout her* (Ifiddleton disgusted, strolls up hack) I'm glad to know that she is called "Rose , " I'll name my new punching hags aft€r h^r, (ticks up hag) Middleton (Laughs) Hal Hal Hal Dicky ITenial Varlet.' Gat those giggles 1 Yes Rose, you "little faded floiaier" everytime I slam this hag, I'll think of you and vice versa. Everytime I think of you, I'll slam the hag i (l-oses hag in L« hand, hits it straight punch with R.^ off towards L ,U,Eo where Middleton stands. Middleton fore-sees Dicky's intention, falls flat dodging the hago It strikes Screwhy who has entered L.U,E» standing pompously in door vfay) Screwhy '^o did that? tr^io did it „ j say? Dicky (Feinting to Middleton) There stands the cujprit?. Tjerel That "inflated hag# was going in his direction and to have his own miserable skin, he stooped, Ths coward craven duckf-d ^ and caused this indignity to he put upon you* Middleton Seeherel (l-icking up punching hag) TiOJi''t you dare try to mix me up with this hag of v/indJ (starts to throw it away, hangs Screw- hy in stomach) Screwhy OuchI (Doubling up) Dicky And don't you call my respected employer a "hag of vund„ '* 1 :!.-E Gentlemen! aentlemen?, (As ScreT/by starts after Middleton with umlDrella) Mr,, Middleton, do me th^ Ib^tov to kindlu withdraw, I have some husiness to talk over with Mr. Screwby,, Middleton very we 11 1 Hro Dicky Bird, I'll settle with you later*. Dicky Nevertheless, "Desiflond" I will still defy you, when we meet, it will he man to man« Middleton Oh, pooh I Dicky j-ooh. pooh yourself and a good many of them. Mid die ton Mary , I vant a word with youc Dicky Beware of the "deadly touch" Mary - Beware I Beware i (Middlfen draws Mary of L.UoEj Mr. Screwby , you can't ten how hurt I aJUo Screwhy Mrc Tii^d, all the hurt is on my side <, Dicky Your side? Why I thought your solar plexus was affected, Mo sore- ness there? Eh? Eh? (lokes Screwhy in rihs) Screwhy No, hut there will he if you k esp on poking me that wayo Dicky And then I fancied you got it the first timec "Slam" in the nose. Are you sure your nose is not broken, or at least "out of jount", if it is, I'll pull it into place, (arahf? Scr2^::-hy "by nose, pulls him arftund stage) Sere why (Struggling) Damn it, let go,' Let go 1 (Throws j)±G'k^ off) Dicky There's gratitude for you and I only want to fix Ciis nose » Sere why My nose will not be the only one that needs fixing if you don't let me alone o Dicky Let you alone? (With dignity) Do you mean to say, that I am introduing nrr, Screwhy? Do you want me to go away? Screwhy I didn't say that-^ Dicky VSeil that is all I vant to know« You may have forgotten that I am here at your particular requegt,, ^Yie part you have assigned to me is particularly repugnant, I ha^ve no wish to "hutt" into Mr= Haynes' private affairs and act as a spy on kstfe^ himo Haynes (Interested) A spy oh me ? Dicky I can call it nothing else, -p-'? cannot deny that he asked me to present at this interview and see that you don't "put anything over on him"„ I am to take notes of everything you say. Yi^ c Haynes, for l can tell you my employer here regards you as a slip- pery customer., j on the other hand consider you as "sticky "in fact, "gluey „" 12"E , ■ , Haynes Sticky J Gluey i Dicky Yes, for example, let me imagine my Taoss loaned you a thousand dollars this afternoon = Screw'by We won»t imagine any such thing .- Dicky You are not in this. Sere why I don't know why no to It ' s my money you're talking ahout- Dicky (Ignoring him) If Haynes here got his fingers on a thousand dol- lars of your money, would he ever slip it hack? Fo , it would "stick"„ YOU would have to pry it off him with a "Jimmy,," Pelham Sir, you are hecoming offensiTse,, Sere why I wish y©ti & would leave Mr „ Haynes and myself to transact our "business in peace, (Loud rumble of thunder heard and flushes of lightning seesn through window Go) Dicky We're going to have a dandy storm^ Gome on Plossy, let's go out on the veranda dnt ake it in, j so love to "wathh" the thunder and "listen" to the lightning. Florence You mean "vice versa" don't you? Dicky I never had a good look at vice versa - (y-^me ^ S'lorence I don't know whether i ought to, you said my father was "sticky* tiiat he reminded yoU of "glue." Dicky Flossy, don't mind that, j really think the old man cements, (tuts arm around her, thy exuent C. through window) I-elham I am surprised that you have such a "fresh" individual in your employ, Sere why. Screwhy li employ whom I please ^ Haynes.- j don't want nohody to tsll me how to run my husinesSo That Dicky Sird don't cost me nothing, pe has rich folks -9*10 make up the salary he's supposed to get and I generally contrives to "cop" out sc^nething for myseif„ I-elham I am surprised that you should try to "cop" out for yourself, Screwhy ^11 you see, Dicky was to college and got into scrap after scrap and at last had to leave and his folks sent hira to me, as - a - a lunishment, no doubts Screwhy lunish - punish nothing. But come down to tacks. You sent for me.. lelham Yes, you have that chain and locket I ordered for Florence's birthday . 13-E Screi'rby You bet I have, and I'm going to hang on to them until I get the money haclc you jiggered me into paying on them, and i want to tell you Haynes , I've stood your "banker for the last time. You've jiggered me enoughj you've the worst "jigger" I ever knowned» I-eiham NOW my dear Screwby„ Screwby Don't "dear" me. It won't do you a hit of good- I've entered fore- closure proceedings on this here property and don't you think you can "slave" me again. I-resents for Florence ^ eh'' You'd "bet- ter go get her a job in a laundry, instead of encouraging her in sinful extravagance . telham Silence you idiot i Screwhy I won't do no such thing, ^hy there must he a pound of gold in that jim crack adfair , outside of the "dimings# in the locket. Why you ought to he put in a "sahitary a -roariumo"* fe Iham Hold your tongue, you mucker I And give up that chain and locketJ Screwhy They're to "hum" and I never give up without the price, lelham Go after them, I have the money = Screw"by I was raised in Kansas City -- I-elham Oh, you want to see it., Well there you worm.' Seel See,' (l-ro duces roll of "yellowbacks." Look at your godl Kneel doiT/n and worship, you miserable , contemptible, knavist, degraded and infamous tight wad! Screewby Don't you call me amny more of them names of I'll get mado You've heen higb and mighty long enough. You've put on airs with me long enough and by heck - I'm going to stop it=. You've always des- pised me, but I've got the bit in your mouth nowo You've blinded and saddled -I'm on top, the reins in one fist, a stout vihip in the other and if I want to , I'll ride you to Hell and you fan't help yourself, (Re-en^er Dicky and Tplorence from C= window) 3-elham You insolent niggardly miser! How dare you? Screwby What's that? who are yoio: calling a nigger? Look • out for yourself, (Throws off coat) This is mhere i fight, I'm IjjJcrewby the scrapper! Come oni (Squaring off) co^^® ^^' (l-elham rushes at him, Screwby runs away, gets behind table) Hold up I Hold up! I ain't quite ready yet c (l-elham chases him around table) Dicky Gentleman this is atrocious^ This is no way for you to settle an argument . Screwby Dicky, you're right, jet's talk is over. ^- .Tricky Gentiem^H^hould fight with gentlemen's weapson, but alas, the d^ys-^olf duelling are past. The avord has "been supplanted, ttow with the permission of you "both, I vlll act as r^^feree. x have here a hox of rat poison. (Produces box) T^ere are two spoons, (l-iclcs them from table) You each take a spponful of this paste, and the one n'ho dies f i- st , loses all bets « Screwby Let him take his spoonful first. I-elham Sucn a suggestion is ridiculous, ^ Screwby I ain't no rat. Dicky Then there's nothing left but the gloves. Tou shall fitht with these. (Takes gloves from package) 1-elhata No, I'll handle this viper v,lthout gloves'. (I'lakes another rush at Screwby. Dik hold him) Scr ewby (Running atjay) Hold that lunatic I Hold him Dicky until I make my escape. I've just decided that I won't fight him until he gets a re;putation and t can see theret's some money in it. -picky if you love me, hit him in the "noddle** and I'll ra se your salary. (Dicky and J-elham struggle. I-elham endeavoring to get at Screwby) Florence Oh papa.' ]-apaJ Mr^ Screwby, part them, won't you"? t- lease I i-leasej Screwby I never meddle iFith vshat don't concern me- reside::: j my father was a clergy man and this ain't no place r^or a minister's son. (i'^xits L.U.J-;.) DiclQr , Calm yourself, I':^r , Haynes. "Screwby the scrapper** has escaped and you can never catch him, 3-elham \ '^ail you. do something for me, young man? Dicky Anything in the world except to lend you money or mind my own business. I can't do either, 3-3lhara Go in pursuit of that insect 1 Dick ^h at insect? I-e iham Tliet.t loathesome scrawling thing, calSd "Screwby^"* Dicky Oh yes, he's "bugs" all rights I-elham Ask him for that "jewel bex" of mine he holds. Pring it to me Vv'-ith the receipted bill and I vrill pay you the amount, Dicky In real money? I-eiham Of course, no other passes throujdi my hands. Di cky I'-- not thinking of your hands, hut your mincU You know you smoke a good deal and -- J-ekham Oh hurry I Hurry I Dicky Don't ask me to huriy, I've got a "hoo^k worm." Say, .I'll leave my property here till I come hack "Plosiel" You can play with these ^vhile I 'n gOne . (Tosses glovos to her) I-ractioe on his jiglets, here. Florence (Stamps her foot at him) tt , pir^, you're real rude. Dicky That's vTbat they all say, Florence All w^hat? Dicky All the lit~le pug nosed "peacherinas" "before they learn to love me» (Ahout to go) Florence Don't forget to take your rat poison' (l-resents hox) Dicky Hov' often am i to take it? Florence You ought to know you wanted papa to take it/ Dicky Dearest Flossie, this isn't poison, this is shoe polish, I thought it might hrighten up your daddy's liver* He could get a shine inside so to speak, te iham I have all the shin© , i want , young man<^ Di cky Yes, I know you're all shine, hut -- I- e Iham ( Imp at ient ly ) '"i 1 1 y ou go ' Dicky Of course- (Kois e of gain) It's raining at last. (Middleton enters with umhrella) Dicky (Grabs it) Here ^ give me that ^ Kiddle ton Sir,' Dicky Varletl Don't talk back, I need this.. (Throws off Middleton) Don't worry, >.-r<. Hayn es , I'll get that jev/el box out of Screwby if I have to hypnotize him pie ham Do so and I'll pay the five five hundred on your return. Dicky If you don't, , I'll have to chlorofon:! you - by - by "sugar lips." Oh you "Flossie-!" (Exits L.U.S, lelham follows) Middleton Sugar lipsi TPlorence what doos this familiarity mean ? why doe s he call you sugar lips? Florence Becc'..use,. possibly he cons'der niy lips are v=ry, very sweet, I may have given him a strong impression that th^^ are. 16-E Muddle ton You had no rights •plorence (I'laring up) Don't you talk of right, ycu mean, (^ceitful^ hor-- rihie^ ugly wretch! I hate youl T^^erel (Plounches off door R*3,E« Slams door in Middleton' s face^ Thunder) Mid diet on I wonder what the devil's "been ^Ding on here and five hundred dollarso Tiiat old fox Haynes has heen under cover all the time* (Exits slowly up stairs RUE. I-ause, liary in long c leak appears at window C which is lighted up hy lightning X2iash, as she en- ters) 5'Iary come in Jack, come in here, There's no one a"bout„ t saw father go towards the ttahle, we can kave a few minuts here undisturhedo JohJTE (Enters at window, closes window, he has long top coat, v/hich he doffs; with hat , on seeing JTary , shake the rain d ops off her cloa, she turns to him. xre extends his arms she nestles in them) Mary Jack, my poor, dear Jacici John ^nd you still have faith in me, Mary? liary I still have faith jack-"-' Why I'd "believe in you even if the world were against you. We must "be patient, my dearest, ,,,ime and He who rules ahove will set all right. Jogn I have felt like an outcast since i cams l^ack to this, my hoy- hood's home. I never realized "before how I was th:ught of among men, i was defiant during my trial out West, I had many g yst-gmg ; sympathizers, j was conscious of my own innocence and never flin- ched an instant, I took my acquittal as a matter of right of j ust ice , '^-ary And so it was. Jack. John When I jo'urneyed through Deijver , there were t© tho.usand people at the station to greet me^ I ^s-b cheered they "bore me on their shoulders,, I was welcomed, i was applauded. The cro^vd seemed frenzied over "their hero" as they styled ne» T didn't know what it was then- Tt was the part;- feeling running wild» Th^ didn't applaud me "because I was really innocent, mary helieved I had inspired the crime for which I had "been tried, and that clever lawyers had saved me„ They only rejoiced hecause the prosecution had failedc Tjey hated the man vlho was assasainated with a dead- ly hatred. Then as I came further and furhter from the heat of the "battle J the "bitter conflict which had almost rent r, state. My eyes "began to opsn.j was recognized at time and gaped at with - euros ityo They had heard vaguely of the trial , and t|tey stared at me as if I^were a strange wild animal. Oh T came still further, 17~E and I found I as an object of suspicion and here inmy home, where I thought I had nothing hut friend , people flee iay approach as they would a pestilence, ,, others -pidk up their children as I come along and rush into their houses with then, jn their eyes, I am the foul fiend himself. But you, Ilary , you still trust in me. God "bless you for that, my darlings Gcu bless you, God bless you» (Breaks down, clasps I'iary to his heart) Mary Courage, Jack, have courage » John I'll tiy , my angel , I'll try=, i'iary There is some plaee that v.« are not known, we will go there, "^ohn. And face up a new existence „, You are strong and I v/ill work and help you. ^ will forget the past and "f'ace up cur new future ^ which we will warm with our hearts, until it glows into promise. John We? We"? You are not going to forsake me then? Mary Per sake you, why, how could I? John Then it isn't true about that, th^t other fellow? I'lary There isn't any other fellow, Jack, John And the rumors I heard about the man w^ho is stopping he e with your fath'r„ rphe man I saw with you on the lawn this eyening. ITary Mr* Middleton? John I don't know what his anfernal name is -- JTary Any rximors you eygr heard connecting me with him ^re false. Jack, Mr. Kiddleton has paid some attentions to ;^lorencec (i-elham re- enters L.U.E. starts on seeing John, stands listening) But Jack for me, you have aliA&ys been the only one, are the only one,, and will be the only one until eternity* John Mary, mY --ary , your words lift me out of the depts into paradise itself. I-elham (Sarcastically) l am sbrry to disturb your dreams, Hayward, but the sooner you get out of my house , , the better,, Mary father i I-elham You know I dOnH want this criminal here, e.nd what's more I won't have him. et him get out ard. stay out ahd more, I forbid you ever exchanging- a ^^'ord with him again, Mary Don't forbid me that, father^ I elham my not? I'iary > Because if you do, for the first time in my lif^ I shall be com" pelled to disobey you. i8"Sr I-eiham If you notice him in any way and mind, I'll ke ^jp a watch on you^ I';^l turn you out of doors also, Jiary Your house is your own. You can do a.s you choo^, hut my right to meet the man t love is my o-nn , and ^ will not give it upL I-elhaa. So far this miserable ^ cowardly murderer, this vagabond scorn sd hy all man kind, this skuLLking cur who probably is making use of your infatuation to prowl rovmd my home to see wh^at he can steal. John Silence i if you utter another aldndfir against me, in her xjresence I'll torottle you with my ov,ti hands, I-elham AJiai Threats, eli? Take care i Young mani Take care i You're not among your Colorado riiffians nov;. You'll find out that justice here is not the miserable travesty your scoundrelly lawyers made of it in Idaho. John (Exasperated) You willhave it, eh? Mary (Clinging to John, as he is about to rush oh I-elham who grabs "andiron" in posture of d.efense) John] John! -rior my sake, remem- ber he is my father. Go now and I'll meet you later, (MJddleton re-enters, stands athack) John I respect your presence, iiary, but Jf^lham HaynesI Don't rely on your relationship to Mary too ■'aro sometimes we'll meet where we*ll not be interrupted and I'll make you en y lur knees confess that every word you have uttered against nj chara'-ter is a malic- ious lie. You know the truth and you shall spep.k the truth by Oodl You shall , and don't you forget ths.t, Mr, lelham Hay esi (Grabs up his coat and hat exits C. Lightning and thunder) I-eltiam You meant what you said about meeting this man? Mary (Girmly) Yes, I meant what I said, 3-elham Then leave this house and never enter it again^, Mary Kever , unless you ask me to come to you.^- I-elham I might have knov;n ^ow you would turn out, you ungrateful cat I You are like your mother before you, Mary Don't speak ill of my mother, I forbid it J I-elham (Sneering) You? y^u forbid? Mary Yes, U Her memory is the only thing in my past life^ I cherish. I can't look back upon my slighted childhood with any joy and since I've grown to womenhood I have been more and more neglected. Everything has been lavished on Florence and you haile made of ne your other child a drudge in your house, I have done my duties un- Gompalainingly , yes, bravely, for I have never known an affection- ate word from you in all my recollection-. 19-E I-elhani Oh, you remind me too much of your mother, she hy hsr shai:xeful act — • Mary Hot another word, you shant defame her memory „ You hy your treat- ment have already forfeited -nrhat love I iniglit have home for you, and now your cruel slander of my mother kills liLe la,st atom of respect, you unworthy father*, Farev/en^ I never v/ant to look upon your face again, I-elham T)ittol But here , you can't go altogether unprovided, prerets some money, Tvhich — Mary Keep it J Keep it.'Keep it', Pelhan (Lays the roll of -bills on the table) I'll leave it here in case you should change your mind, (Turns down to fireplace) l'"ary Bot a penny i Not a penny^ I'll face starvation fii'st, ^xits E.U«E. up steps at back) I-elham (Lights cigar by mant9.e, sits in ^sy chair L. thinks for a mom- ent) Humph' Rather awkward Mary leaving just now. I'll have to hire a servant girl. (Dicky enters L.U.E.,) Middleton (Bus/ Comes quietly down to table while J-elham ha% ab jve bus, and speech, and picks up the money from ta,ble, pockets it, riicky sees the theft) Dicky turns teek a bool (Middleton starts, I-elham iij^im:) I-elham Oh, ICr . Bird, have you come back? Dicky Yes, I'm of the kind who alv/ays come back, I-elham And you brought the jewel box? Dicky I certainly did^ Tiere it is, (HaMs jewel case) I-elham Dear Florence ^ it's her birthday to-morrow and this is the only present I have for her. (Takes chair '(heavy) and locjet from case) ' Dicky (Looking 4 chain) /i.nd. that's some present, you can bet your -- Oh, by the way, Screwby is "^aiting in his buggy outside for his 03)18 • I-elham (i'eeling in pocket) Oh ye e- - l' - I forgot, I ggve th^t money to. I^ry , • ' . Dicky Ih? I-elham But she i?"ouldn't take it » Dicky Ohi 20-E I-eiham I laid it on the taTale here^ (Discovers the hills not there) Gone, ^y , what does this mean? Dicky (Meaningly pointing to Middleton) ^ eek a hoo^ Middle ton what the devil do you meah "by your "^peek a boo*" Dicky Just the song of the jiicky Bird J Were the hills -of large denymr- ination? I-elham They were all "fifties" and all naked hy Screwhy , the last money he paid me. I kept them in spite of all temptation for ^'lorence^s present » Dicky All marked, eh-? "Beeky I-ooh<," Ask this man (Pointing to Middle- ton) to show up all the money in his pocket for examination. Mid diet en ^at do you mean? Dicky I mean that l saw you pick up the hills from the tahle = Middleton You're a damned liarl (BuSc Dicky knocks him down) Dicky Get upti (Kicks him) Get up I t want to knock you down again^ I-elham G^ntleDienl Gentl^enJ Dicky (Boots Middleton again) Don't you dare to -answer , he doesn't mean you,, I-elham Mr o pird I heg of you, don't carry this any further^ Call Mr^ Screwhy in<. i have enou^ in hank ±h to satisfy thj deht for this< (3-ointing to jewil hox) I'll write him- a checque,, Dickj^ I'll call him in that he may identify hismark on the hills, that skunk has in Jiis pocket, He'S called me a liar, I'm going to prove him a thief, (Exits L,U,E<.) Tr slham II Dw Middleton' Middleton Eot a word'. I'm going to fix myself for that fellowc He won't slip one over me again. (Moise of rain, wind etc. Distant rumble ■ of thimdero, The windo at hack is hlown open, _^igb:ts on stage all out) I-elham (At mantle) (-.onfound it, there goes the lamp. Have you a match? I can't find one, '^h , well never mind there are some up stairsc I'll get tham and close those upper windows at the sane time^ ^As the lightning flashes, lelham is seen, grasping his wray to R.U.E, exits up stairs c I'iary enters R.3.E. with syit case gropes her way to windorr. Lightning reveals Middleton in window) Middlet jn SO you are really going, Mary? I will accompany you» 21--K Mary I don't wat your company, sir. Keep away from me, keep away from me. (Jbcits window C) Middle ton Oh, l3ut T insist! (Exits after Fary. T-ause) Screwby (Outside) You had no Tousiness to leave it unless he gave you the money. (Enters with Tlicky L -,U«E. falls oyer chair at hack) Damn it all' Fe»s put out all the lights, so as I'd fall over some thing and "break n^y lego Give me a match.., Dicky 'l haven't any, Screwhy Well, we must have some lights Get the lantern from the huggy. This is all a scheme of that scoundrel Haynes^ W^ll, he'll pay me my money or give me back t^e jewel hox, or I'll have his heart's hloodc (Picky exits L.U.E, Screwhy tries to grope his way "back to L.IT.E, falls over chair again,) Ouchl That's twice I done thati (E±its L-^tJ,E, I-ausoo lelhaoi enters down stairs upper Ro H© lights matches 3 which "blow out almost immediately o ) I-elham MiddletonI ifiddletoniS Are you there? Gone, the jewel "boxJ (Over to mantle piece) Ah, it is here, -nlorence must not he disappoint- ed, (Terrific crash of thunder, and forked lightning aplsy all Oyer room- ^he all lights out, utter "blackness, I-ause ^ enter Dicier carrying lantern) DiCky Screwby « (Lights half up) Dicky- (l-uts lantern on ta"bie R„) You've only got to wait for him, that's all. Screwhy (Comes down L.) Ah 1 Look there! (l-oints to I-elham who lies face dovmward hy fireplace , the "andiron" overturned* 7he jewel hox Open and empty, clenched in his right hand) Dicky My God, it is he- (Kneels "beside him( Screw'by DeadI Dicky Murdsredl See that awful wound, his head's crushed in^, Screwhy Who - -who - who has done this? See, the jewel hax empty.- Dicky Yes, the jewels gone,. He ^as murdered for them.. ,(John and Middle- ton struggling together. Enter C. window Mary following and endeavoring to ca.lm John) John Down on yjur knees, i ^y and heg her pardon, or I'll wring your infernal neckJ (Forces Middleton to knees, ^'lorence enters Ro3«E) Dicky Stop this tmtimely hrawling, you are in the presence of death* Qmnes DeathI Dicky ^ ■ Kr„ Haynes has "been murdered. - :^ 22-E Qmnes Ifurderedi Florence Dead'. (Rushes over to "boi^ , Knevls) speak to ms, , papa - speak, speakl (Hysterically sobbing* T^ary by her sicl^ weeping and at the same time trying to soothe -clorence) Middle ton Murder i ^y, ^at motive could there "be for murder? Dicky Robliery, Mr<, Middleton, roberyl „he same motive which inspired yuu to-night to steal those fifty dollar bills from that table* The jewels are gone and Edward Kiddie ton, I charge you with the crime. Middleton It is false , it is. Dicky S..ar6h that mam, (John seises Middleton, holds him, while Screw- by goes throu^ him, pulls out bills from inside pocket) Screwby There ain't no chain, no locket, but herefs some money, DiclQr Do you reeognine those bills, T\Tr„ Screwby? Screwby (I'isamining them by lantern) Sy g'avy, I do. There is the very hills T paid -paynes on our last deal. My mark is on them, Middleton But I am not guilty of^.p-aynes' murder^ I swear I am innocent. Tricky The finger of suspicion points directly to you. _f you are in- nocent I hope you will prove it, but if you're guilty, I pray to r'rOd , Edward Middleton, I'll live to see you hanged for this most cowardly crime. I-ICT-URE & CURTAIE Dicky John Middleton Screwby Mary iPlorence. Haynes. oooOOOOOOOooo Act Second Scene*-- The garden and grounds of the Haynes Manions, Two days latere Xandscane Drop. ^ S 2^ Z li A n A T I CI N. 11 II H n n r? II n ii n tl 1- Handsome house R» of stage door as marked window, not practical in i*eturn facing audience) (2) Verandas. (3) low stone wall with gate way L of C. (4) Steps leading down D. (5) Srick wall of Tsarn, with return leading off I, upper L Of stage (6) Large set tree 1 of C seat surrounding same; (7) Bench fcelow window «Iaiid scape drop for Toack, Wood wings. At Rise:- Dicky and ScrevfTay discovered on "bench surrounding tree, picky is smoking pipe. Jerry Blossom enters from house R stands in door— way, he is madeup in long coat^ cap apid pipe ala Sherlock Holmes*) Blossom (Coughs) Ahem! The jury has just went out. Dicky (looks up at him) Oh J They "has" - has they? Bldssom Yopl The Coroner told them to go, Dicky Then I suppose that's -v^iy they "goed"o Bios som "Goed"? Dicky Yes, "B^Lew" "Absconded" "IJizzled" Made their exit "Got the Hook" Blossom See here, young fellow. You don't want to make no fund of "a inquest" Inquests and post mort ems, is serious things. Dicky How do you know? Have you ever had them? Blossom No, I haint, Dicky ?^y "haint" you? blossom Cau-,e I haint died yet, xclcy Y/hy haven't you died? Perhaps you are dead, and don't know it. ^ -Blossom ■ , ^ •, -u- ^ T?,mnv ain't you? And your najne is Bird. You're a fresh bird. !?T;/af?o sprinkle a^^little salt on your tail, you wouldn't be so fresh. Eh? Did" you heat that Si? (Lau^s) Hal Hal Ho{ Hoi (Slaps Screw, vigorously on the hack c ) ■ Screwhy OuchJ (wncing) Stop that„ Blossom Did you hear the joke 1 made about him being "salt", I mean "fresh"? Ha, ha, Why don't you laugh? Screwby I don't feel like laughing, go 'way. Go 'way^ Ugh. My shoulder. (Groaning) Dicky Bemighted, blithering, Barbarian. Beat it* Screv;by But he don't want me to beat it o Dicky OhI (Groans) Governor, what do you call this "piece of cheese? Screwby I'm ashamed to tell you vdiat I call him. He calls himself "Blossom" Dicky Blossom?' "Pansy" or Gin? It ought to be "Gin" judging by his nose. Blossom I'm Jerry Blossom, Dickjt Well, if you're "Jerry" why don't you' prove you're Jerry and not "butt in" where you're not wanteds Blossom ]!Tot wanted, eh? Well, young fellow, I'm a policeman and some day you may find that I'm not around when I am wanted, Dicky I never saw a policeman of your kind who was, now don't interrupt anymore. We're- busy, (to Screv/by) Governor what are you saying? Screwby Why the Jury will never hold that Middleton chap for Haynes murder . Dicky Hov/ could they in the face of the alibi. Mary established for him, she swore that she heard her fathex- going up--stairs as she v/as- leaving the house, whon Middleton insisted on accompanying her, Screwby But you saw him take the money which was intended for me from the table , Dicky I certainly did, and from that circumstance, I framed my theory of his guilt that he and Mr. Haynes quarreled and he struck the old man down, and then stole the Jewelry, but it was not found on him. Screwby ' (Groans) It wasn't found no where, it's gone and the five hundred dollars I'll never get that o (Whispers) I'm the one who's getting the worst of this deal. Dickl: Hov; about Haynes who lost his life, brut aJ.ly murdered? Sot sw dv Well, he don't need money v/here he's gone.- If he had all the money in the world, he co-^ldn't ^uy a pato leaf fan or a pitcher of ice-v;ater« Dicky HOW about his tv/o girls left fatherHesSo Vftiat is your- five hundred dollars loss compared with, thexr great griel . Screv/hy I wish Dicky you wouldn't speak of so much money^^so carelessly, hut try and think of some scheme, how I can get them fifties out of Middleton. You know they're honestly mine » He ought to he satisfied with the chain and locket if he has them soaked away s o me wh er e « Dicky I'm not altogether sure that he has them soaked away anywhere, Screwhy Well, if he isn't the guilty one, v/ho is? Dicky That is the question c Slos som If I was on that jury, I know v/ho I'd wote to hold. Dicky What, you here again? I thought we'd lost you. Blossom You "kaint" lost me= Screwby (Eagerly) Go on, Blossom. ^'Waat were you saying? llho would you vote to hold? Blossom Y/hy, ^them" two daughters of "his'so" Dicky "Them" two daughters of "whosSn"? Blossom Of "his'n", Haynes of course* Every hit of evidence "pints" to one of them, so it's well to suspect the one who seems innocent. That's the way it alius turns out in the "old sleuth" series, (Dicky laughs) Oh, you needn't giggle,- I hain't the only one who thinks as I do, there are others c Di cky You ought to %all get together and form the "Bonehead" club. Blossom I ahin't a been a readin' Detective Stories twenty years for nothin'JI know al.l about the murder mysteries, from the Chicago saasidge maker who turned his "fat wife" into links and sold her at reduced rates, to the Gunness case in "Ingianny" Then there was "them" Borden Sisters in New Endland. , who were acquitted for murderin ' both their "parents"! Dicky Oh, come on, let's get av/ay from the ravings of this id&ot Screwby No, no, there may be something in what he says after alio (Enter Rose Summers from house, dress extravagantly, carrying umbrella o) Blossom Well, I should say there be somethin' of course, I ain't a been to cocLlege and got kicked out like some people, but I'm got human intelligence = I know all tha.t's worth knowing on this ere spear^ Nobody can learn me nothin', 'and I pxjcffectly disgust them as they tries to,' I disgust them. I say I disgust them. (Belligerently to Dicky <.) Dicky I don't doubt it. 4-l£ blossom Then shet your mouth, and listen to wisdom. I say that, Mary HajSes and her sister ortor to he put through the thrd degree and I'd like to have the job of doing it. Rose (coming down) Oh you would, eh? You would? You freckle faced, fossilized frog, you just try it on me fifst, I'll show you where you get off \Tith your "third degree," Blossom Miss Rosy- Ros e Don't you dare to "rosy mo" you cross eyed crocodile « This is your petty revenge is it? Because I won't marry you, and aet you lead a life of idle dissipation and dehanchery, a squirt in' of tohacco juice around the grocery store all on my money. You mearly, malicious monster, you, you are tryin' to aast slvirs and suapiciOTis on my dead sister's child- But' come on, try your degrees' on me first, you debilitated devil. Try them on me I defy you.. Dicky That's right Rose. (Applauding) That's right, give it to him. Bios som Rose, if ' I had knowed you'd been here, I wouldn't have spoken as I didfl Rose If ever you come around to my kitchen again, a hankerin' for tea and a talkin' of the lovelight a sliinin' in my beautiful eyes, I'll scald you, you - you hypocritical homely hyenaS (Hysterically starts to boat him with umbrella, Blossom shelters himself as best he can behind Screwby who gets several of the blows intended for Blossom) (Blossom exits hurriedly into house R) Screv/by Woman „ Woman « Be careful^ -.That are you about? Rose ' . \7ho are you calling a woman, you aB2 as bad as he iSo Screwby ' (Dodging) Dicky, help me, won-t you, Dicky ITo, couldn't think of such a things You have brought it all on yourself by associating v/ith that "blighted Blossom" You had better ask hsr pardon.-. Screv/by (Kneels) Oh Ros e I Sweet RoseS See me on your, your knees with my feet, I mean, on your feet with my knees, no say you know what I mean,, Oh Rose, Sweot flower of I,ove*> RoG e RatS; Cut all that stuff out » Screwby You'll someday knov/ what I've got In prospect for you,, Ro se Yes, and you won't wait long to know what I have in prospect for youn (I'lourishes umbrellao) Screwby I am going to "bid in" this property. Beloved beautiful Rose, Share it with me, live here v/ith me* Rose V/hat? Screwby ' (Shrinks) As my wife, of course, that's what I meant ^ 5-2 - Rose IP you aippose- I thought you meant anything else. You supers animated sharks Sc reWby Don't approach me with my years, Rose-. My hart is still young. It is because of my years thg,t I choose you» I am not only looking for a wife, iDUt a daughter » Rose Dicky vftiat do you think of that?' Dicky I am very inexperienced, "but a daughter. I don't think Mr. Screwhy has the right to dictate to the sex of the offspring, if you make up your mind to accept him, Screwhy (Indignantly) Mr . Bird c Rose Oh Dicky- Dicky Oh Button-hooks^ Blossom (at door) The memlDers of the Jury has come out again, for further instructions, and "Birdy" you are wanted,, Dicky (starts) Are you speaking to me? If you are, I want to give you a tip , Bios som What is it? Dicky The lasjs individual who took liberties with my name , I "pecked in the eye" You I think, I'll poke in the nose, {l^mxstks. Makes rush for Blossom) Blossom (exits into house, crying) Helpl Help I (Dicky pursues him off) Rose (Looks at Screwby langui shingly) Do you know, I think Dicky is real peevish c He's jealous of you proposing to me, Screwby Jealous, why? Rose ^e has ideas of marrying me, himself ^ Screwby Great scott ,' %iat i Has that child proposed to you. Rose Not yet, "but he has looked "things" "Tfotterahle things" 1 have lately commenced to think that Dicky is not exactly "a lihild" although very unsophisticated, "but to come down to "tacdcs" si, ahout yo\ir ov/n proposal, when would you like to wed your little Rose? ScrewToy Well, Miss Summers, It''s going to be a hard winter, a„nd Summers with me is alv/ays to\igh<, Money is scarce and I'd like to gather in all that's coming to me before I take any more chances. Matrimony is the bio-gest sort of a chaxice, but if you arrange a little nattsr for me, we could possibly come to an understanding. "Rose ' '• Don't beat the devil around the stump, but come down to facts, Screwby Mary Haynes thinks a good deal of you, doesn't she? Rod e TOiy shouldn't she? Wasn't her mother my sister, Isn't she coming to live with me, although she wouldn't come until I consented to talce Florence also. But v/hat has Mary got to do with you and me getting married? Screv/hy V/ell from the evidence today, I have pretty T/ell settled tzi my mind that is Mary didn't slam her' father in the coco v;ith that "andiron", she may know who did» S.0 G e V/hat? Screw^by And she took that gold chain and locket ^ hecause she didnH want j'lorence to get them, now I never was paid for those gin- cracks and I paid out five hundred dollars of my good money (ffor them^ Now you go to her ani tell her of the immense prospects you have with me, and she may give them up. (Nothing Omitted c) Rose C-^Yi I believe my ears? Screwby You can assure her my word is my "bond, and I won't tell « anybody. We three will keep the secret to ourselves I it will be in the family, so to speak if I can bring myself ' to marry you. Why, what's the matter., Vifhat are you looking vfior? (as Rose Y^alks right and L apparently searching for something/ Rose j^'or an axe? Sc r ev/by Why an axe? Ros e Just stay around and find out » The Post mortem on Pelhara Haynes won't be the only one to-day? Florence , (enters she is dressed in black,) Aunt Rose. Aunt Rose^ Aunt Rose Come quickly to -pjary she has fainted^ (Middleton enters from house) Rose Ij^inted. (Goes to door) screwby Think over what I said, Rose? Rose And you think over what I say? If you fool around me anymore we will hold another inquest in tMs village, or my name isn't Rose Summers c (Middleton dropB down right below door = Raises his hat ironically to Hose and then to Florence) Rose (Tunrs up nose,) Florenec Haynes if j'-ou notice that " Scum" never speak to me again, (Rose a.nd Florence exuent o Florence urging Rose to hurry) Middle • HxAmphi It appears Mr Screwby v/e are both of v.e in bad, there, (Pointing to door where Rose has made her eyi\/ Screwby Yes, It seems I'm all in^ I am also all out. What are you doing away from the inquests Aren't you in custody? Middle Only norainallyc There's a del3,j in there and I :.elt I needed a, smoke and — (Feeling for cigarette caos crosses Lj \ Screwby A smoke. That roninds me c (takes a cigar from vest pocket ana match box, exraaines cigar about to bite off end Middleton takes it away from him) Middletor.- Thanks, I don't care if I do c A cige.v will go better now than a cigarette . Scre?/by )prot esting.- ) But, I didn't intend that cigar for you^ Middle t to. This one will dCo Just as well as another. Don't apologize. Let me have a match please c (takes matchbox from Screwby lighst cigar puts match box in pocket abstractedly) Scrairby (sits on seat by the tree staring at Middleton., Middleton sits along side of him, Screwby hastily shifts his watch from left to rigbt hand vest pocket) Middleton. (Puffs cigar,) This whole a.ffair is an awful joke, i3n'»t it? Screwloy I'm glad you find it so ;, I don't = Middle ton Tlie idea of tha.t young ^^help, Dicljy gird charging me with roblsery and murder o Screv/'by ''^'eii^ I don»t know atout the nxirder-^ But the ro"bT3ery part — (Buttons coat) Middle ton Do you suppose I would stoop to steal such a pitiful svaa. as five htmdred dollars? Screwhy I wish you wouldn't speak of nry loss so contemptuously,, Middldton Your loss? ScrewTsy %y yes, that money was intended "by Haynes for me » Mid diet on Then why didn't he give it to you? Instead of losing it to me the night "before at poker <> Screwhy I-oker? Middleton Yes, I won it« Screwhy You won it all right, that's certain, hut Dicky Bird -- says — Middleton Has it never occur ed to you, that Dicky may he lying? Sere why Lying? ^h say, kind sir, let's come to an understanding, give up the chain and locket and I won't h etray you„ j &v3ar it on my honor as a deacon of the old hrick church^. Middleton Mr, Scr^why T have never seen that chain and locket, i swear that on msy honor as an ex-member of the- legislature^ ^y don't you try to get it out of Dicky? ^icky had it last» Screwhy That's so, he did have it lastu I never thought of thato Middleton I wonder when that jury will make up their mini -.? Screwhy l^at? Are they out agaih? Middleton Yese They retired just when i came out here <, Screwhy (Points to house corner) ^herets the room , (Has. huso of sneak- ing over R. dovjn helow house, gets up on seat, tri© to peer into window. Blossom enters from house is ahout to speak ot Middleton who checks him and points to Screwhy, Blossom spies him gets spade from garden toold, gives Scrowhy a spank with it) Eh, what, don't d Dicky Uncle Richard again. Yi/hat the dev — Florence There is Aunt Rose, (Pointing L) Dicky Eh, Aimt Rose, (Turns.) Hello Axmt Rose, How dod you think you feel? (extends hands) Rose Sir? (Dicky staggers hackc) V/hat is the meaning of this extraordinary "behavior? Dicky Why I— Florence Dear Aunty, he v/as overjoyed at getting back, and ?/hen I called him as you told me "Uncle Richc'.rd" he kissed me ^ Ro ;j e Yes J I saw that , Florence Yes, he kissed me with an Uncle's kiss. Rose My Uncle never kissed me tha-l: way „ Diciy Prohaly he wasn't in my class, I mean he wasn't my kind of an Uncleo Rose Pro"baly not . Dicky Yes, you see my j oy at my return, I was excited and the news that I was an Uncle, 6-S ]?lorence yes, everytime I called him UUCLE he tried to kiss me. Dicky (aside) Traitress I Rose I don't see that you evince any j qy at seeing me, Mr. Bird? Dicier Joy I Why I'm tickled to death? Rose I have a little errand in the village, and the night is coming cai, prohaly you might give me your escort? Dicty I should "be delighted, hut in getting off the train, I sprained my hand and canH walk? Rose You needn't walk on your hands, Dicky. Dicky- Did I say hands, I meant, I sprained my uncle, I mean mry ankle, see, (walks around stage lankly) Rose But, I'm timid in the dark, when I'm alone? Di c ky . Carry -a lantern, and I'll swear you'll be safe.. Rose Never mind,, Plorence shall accompany moc Florence Now Auntyi Rose Go and get your hat? Florence But— Rose Go and get your hat . Dicky But I- feel timid myself when I am alone? Rose lary shall entertain, while we are gone. (Goes to steps and calls) Mary,L Mary. Mary (Outside) Y6S , Aunt Rose, Rose ( Come Down Dicky Bird is here, JTlorence, go and get your hat, (plorence pouts and goes to steps exits passing Mary who enters) Ma ry I'm glad to see you iDack, Mr. Bird* Dicky (Forgets his lameness walks over briskly to here) Thank you Miss Mary? Rose Marvelous . Dicky Eh? Rose Your ankle is well , Dickjr "Why, of course, (suddenly remembers and walks lame again) No it isn't, (groans,) Oh! There's an awful twinge again. ■Why did you remind me of it. It was cruel. Oh, Oh, Oh. 7-S Mary ¥/liy , wha 1 1 s the inat t er ? Rose Dicky has sprained his wrist, or his foot or his conscience, or something-— Dicker That's right, make fun of me. Oh Rose? What a sweet rose you'd "be if you had no thorns :, Rose Huraphc (Florence re-enters pinning on hat = ) Come Florence we will not he gone long. Dicky (has "been helped over to sofa hy Mars'" T^rhom he draws down "besides him.) Don't hurry on my account... Rose (angrily,) Come along Florence,, ( G-rahs Florence roughly "by wrist. They exuent RUE) Dicky Now Mary, tell me all the news? Mary 7/ell- — Jack — (pauses) Dick^- Yes— Mary His trial comes off next week? Dicky Yes, I know, that's one of the reasons why I have hurried back, "We must do what we can to save him^ Mary Ah, you have always believed in his innocence ^ Dicky Yes, and I'm ready to "back that beliefe with ray money, of which, thank God,, I have a sock full now. I have thought of many plans the most sensible of which I think is to prove him insane , Mary "What I (Rising) Dic'ky Sit down and listen. You and I both know why he took your father's murder on himself „ Mary Yes, he feared I was in danger. Die kr So you were with that hayseed ju.ry-, B.nl if at this trial he goes before another dozen of boneheads, and they take his confession as tha,t of a sane man, they give him the limit which in this state is imprisonment for lif e e Now I have secured six or seven of the most prominent Alienists "..e have in the country who will swear that a man isa en or insane, whichever side they're retained upon. Through this expert testimony, we will prove Eohn Hayv/ard is a "Paranoicf)^ and send him to an asylimi, Mary He would never consent, Dicky He couldn't help himself, why those experts coula even prove that I was weak-minded, Mary llo, I dont doubt that, but — Dicky Hiiraphl AS a said to Flossie a little ?;hile ago, Tanks, 8~S Mary Have you. Siny suspicions as to wlao reallji murdered my fa the r ? Dicky 2 can*t say tliat I suspect any particular person, "by the ■way, how is Screwby? Mary The .report around the toiim, is that he is losing his mind„ He is spending money right and left, hints at being a Rockerfelle or some other king of f inane e <, He has already mortgaged our house, which he "bought in at the foreclosure sale o Dlc'ky Oh, I know that c I^ary You? Dicky Ye©. (The honk tonk and noise of an auto heard outside comes to a sudden stop) • Mary "Who can that "be? Dicky (Goes to virindow R.) It's an autocar and it's stopped here c Well — ^well — well— ralk of the devil, Screw"by (outsidOo) Mary Haynes . Mary Haynes „ Are you there., Mar y (goes to v/inaow L.) Yes, what is it? S cr ew'by I saw your aunt and sister passing down the street are you all alone? ^ Mary (hesitates^) Why--(pausing) Dicky Say "Yes" I'm no'body. Mary Yes. Sc rev/by All right c We are coming in? Dickj;- We? Mary There- is someone with him. Who can it "be ? (Goes to door R U E<, John enters Scr ew'by following) * Ma.ry (screams) johnl Johnl Yonl (Business they em"brace) Oh John, heaven is merciful ycu are free? John., As far as a figutive from the law can "be, T„/raryc. Mr„ Screw"by here has aided my escape = Hia auto car "broke down outside and I insisted on seeing you. Mr„- Birdc (saluting Dicky) Dicky I fear you've done a Yery foolish thing Mr„ HayTirard,, You've rather crippled the defense I planned for yoUr We were going to prove you a lunatic, and have you sent to an asylum? John Tfeank you. That's very kind of you? Scr ew'by He ain't no lunatic, he knows more a"bout mines than any man in this state. He's going to work for me. I get him cheap cause he's a fugative, from justice, and I need him in my "business, John , A fugitive from injustice, Mr, Screw"by, though, I thank you just the same, But we must "be on our way, (Mary cliggs to him,) 9-S - ■ Sc r esr'bi'- I'm glad you're baiEk Dicliy, and i hope you and I are friends because I heard that you've corae into a lot of money and I need it in nrjr business» .. ^ Dic]^ What is jour business, you danmed old spendthrift. Screwby , Discoverer of gold mines<, I'm the hay to find them. I find gold where no one thinks of fidning it. Say, v/hat do you think of that? (produces a lump of coal.) Look at that, aiid then look at me, and tell me if you see a j^ellow streak, Dicky I know all about the yellow streak in you, Screv/by? It's a broad one, but this lump of coal» (Looks at it.) By George tha t's funny. (Loud knock on door RUE which j^sCry has fastened) Blossom. (outside.) Open in the name of the lav/. Open I say or I'll break in the door^ Dicky (To John) Up stairs. Quick. (Pushes John off L U E locks door after him puts key in ipoc'kBt) Blossom * Open I say (Hamirering on door) TTicky It's Blossom, let him in. (T.^ary unlocks doar Blossom with drawn pistol and followed by Middle-ton© enters RUE) Blossom. (Looks around) Where is he? Where is he? Dicky Where is who? Blossom John Hay^uard, Dicky ( Innocent ly . ) I don ' t knww? in Blossom, He was„your gasoline biiggy, Screwby c This man seen him, give him up. Give him up, or I'll arrest you as his accomplish^ (Screwby ducks behind table) Sc-rewby Don't be so careless with that gun, Jerry» jf it goes off you may shoot me, and I have big prsopacts. Blossom, I don't keerl You helped him to break jail, and I'm going to have him dead or alive. (Runs off L 2 E) Screwby (To Miadleton.) You measly skunk. You put Blossom up to this, because I fired you out of my get-rich-quick scheme. You swindler, Youyou — Blossom^ ) re-enters.) He's not in Rose Summers room, Maybe he's up stairs, (Goes to door L U E up steps.) Why the door is locked, , Dicky Yes, I generally keep it so. Blossom You? lO-S Diclcy Yes, it's my portion of the iiouse? ¥h.ere is the key? In ray pocket? Blossom Dickx'- Blossom Di ciiy Blossom You give that key to me , You go to HELL^ Then I'll hust in the doorc Dicky You try it ajid I'll bust in your face, (Picks upshot gun quickly,) You and I are going to talk on equal terms = Have you a search u-arrant? Blossom I don*t need none^, Dick I have six loads in this pump gun that say you do^ Now I'ra speaking for go ode If John Hayward isn't there you'll lose your j oh sure, hut if he is there and you force that door, you'll lose j'-our life, hecause he comes from a country vjhere they have no compxinction in killing a tv;o legged rat like you, then we have in poisoning the four legged ones = MiQdleton You wait here, Blossom, and stajr on guard while I go for help, (exits door R u ^) Blossom Oh, I'm a good watch dog all rights Dicky Blossom, j'-ou talk: like a Viener Wurst, livhat's the iratterwith Sere why your car, Screwhy? Slipped a nut, I think? Dicky I'll go take a look at it « I'm the kandy kid when it comes to "cars" (Opens hagand takes out electric lantern.) Hary^ you shall hold the light „ Here Screwhy <> (Pulls out hottle of whisky frtsn hag,) Have a drink on me , while I'm gone, (Screwhy takes nottle.) K^ep an eye on Blost^om there, and see that he don't steal the spoons) Come Mary, (Exuent Dicker and Mary R. U. Ej- Business, Screwhy looks at "bottle removes cork smells hottle, smiles in gratification, goes up to siae-hoard and gets glass* Blossom watches him closely Screwhy comes aovm to table sits right of same, pours out drink hig arink all this is done ve r^^- deliberately,- He is about to take a drink when Blossom Vi/alks over touches him on .s^houlder with left hand, hoi as pistol in right carelessly pointed at Screwhy, Screwhy trembles and lays uwjn glass) Screwhy Say don't point that thing at me, you make me nervous <, Blossom You voted the prohibition ticket last election<, Scr ewbj'- Yes a Blossom, I didn't, but as an old friend, I can't suffer you to go back on your party, (Lifts Screwhy out of chair" pushes him down in front of table, talses Screv/by's drink, and takes Screwby's seat o ) Ahl Thatis good stuffy I2-S Screv/lDy (L of table J Don't I get an^;- of it? Blossom Get yourself another glass- (Screw"by goes up to dresser gets another glass, cories dov/n Taack of table, Elossora lays oovn pistol brushes off pillov; case from table » Screwby picks it up looking at it., Blossora pours himself out another drink, as he is about to raise it to his lips, Screwby quickly pulls pillYsn,/ case over bloasom head and shoulaer, pioning his arm to sides, then as Blossora struggles to /his feet he grabs him from behind and boots him off L 2 E into Rose'o room shuts the door and locks it leaving the key in the door » Blossom beats on door outsiae) Blossom (out si dec) Let me out.. Let me out o Screwbj'- Shut pu that noise, or I'll shoot you through the panels (re-enter Dicky and Tmry) Dicier You car is all right, ^.here's Blossom? Screwby Lodked in Rose Summer's room? Dicky Good, How to get ^y^aard away, while there is time. (Riins up steps L* U« E . unlocks door at back„) John, Quicks ira-ke you get a^,ra.y while you can,, (Jolin enters hastily) John, God bless you Earyc Good-bye for a time, (embraces Eary) irary Go a watch over you Johriv Screwby Hurry, Hurry, (exits RUE John follows „ i/rary goes to window) looking out J noise of automobile and horn heard growing fainter and fainter) Dicky (Goes over to table, picks up bottle and about to take a drink sees Blossom's revolver picks it up la^^ing dov/n bottle) Blossom gion , I wonoer how old Tight "Wad managed it, (struck with suduen though^) Screwby' s lump of coal, (takes it from pocket, examines it,) It looks like gold all right, Where on earth could he have found this? Rose (outside,) Well, it's funny ^ whoever they were that they aidn't stopc (enters with Florence) Hows your ankle, Dicky Say, didn^t I see an automobile leaving here? Bick^^ It is likely you did/ Rose Who was in it? (Pause, looks at M^ry Vifho remains silent then to Dictj'-^) Don't I smell whiskey? Dicky It is 3)ikely you do, I- certainly sirell the avifful stuff, (In disgust,) Horrible, Horrible <.- (smells bottle puts it back on table) Rose How did it come here? Dicky YoLir visitors left it? Rose Jjjr visitors? Dicki'- Yes, those creatures who v/ ere in the automobile.. Oh Rose, Rose, Rose, Who would ever think it ^ "Who would ever think it, (sinks in seat covers his face with his hands) . I3-S Dicker Ylhy, v/lTat ' s the matter Dicky? Dickj/- Don't ask rasj Rose, don't ask rae? - Rose Does your ankle hurt yovL7 Dick^'- It's not my ankle^ It's lajr heart j my heart? Rose And I am 1 h lame , Dickj'' i UOj I don't blame you, "but I am hurt,. I am hurt. Rose (Looks at him puzzled then turns to liary and Florence) I wish 3'-ou two girls would leave me alone v/ith Dicky ^ Can't you see that two is comparer and four is a moh. jie has soraetiiing to say to rae , Mary- Come Florence, (Tiar^r and 5'lorence exuent up stairs L U ■r-) Rose Eow Dicker J \i„B are alone,. Tell you little Rosey wtet'e the matter. a Please hoy, pleas e^ Dicky So far and yet so false, Avray « Away perfidious woman, I never can trust you again, Hever^ ITever, (jumps up crosses R Rose clings to his coat tails o^ Rose V/hat have I done? Dicky What have you done, wha.t have you done, I know all — all^ Rose All what? Dickj)- They did not think to find me here to-night. Rose "Who? Who? Dicker Your vi sisters? Rose I ask you again who are they? Dicky I hate to call their loat.-.some names, now that you prefer them t me c Rose But I don'te "Who are they? Dicky Screv/hy for one? Rose What, the old devil, lid a scalded him if I'd "been here who else? Dicky BlossQra, and Middle ton „ Rose Eloss an, and he came here, he tad the gall,, Dicky He is here now? Rose "Wliat? Where? "\i'fliere? Dickj'-' In your hed room, Maaamel in your "bed room. He's gone in the re to take a nap = I4-S Rose (screams) Y/hat? Eicky He claiiras he has perfect right, he defied rae , I couldn't handj"- words with the rum soaked ruffian , He is now enconsed in the scared precincts- of your boudoir,, which I al\o'ays regarded as a -holy tanpie. Oh RoseJ parewellj j'arev/ell, I can never trust 3'OU more. Rose Oh you're wrong, Dick, wrong? Dick/ (croTSing L.) Y,/rong? Wrong? There is his hat, (Picks vcp hat frcan chair.) There is the weapon with v/hich he threatened me as his hated rival', and if you Tizant more proofs, "behold them in the iran himself, (unlocks door. Blossom enters and sees Rose, stands aghast) Rose (Hysterically . V You vi^liani You scoundrel, you'll try to ruin my character will you? (Rushes for Blosscm who dodges uncer her ana going right) Elossom Stop heri Hold herl. Hold herT Rose You'll sneak into my TDedroom, will you to take a nap. I'll put you to sleep forever, (Picks up pistol commences furing Blosscm t kes a flying leap through window, glass crash she chases to window, Middleton enters door RUE) Middle ton, V/hat are you about? (Rose turns ana shoots at him he dodges out, Mary and ]?lorence enters screaTiing, Rose has hysterica^' fit in chair screardLng, "beating her feet on stage. Mary endeavoring to hold her) Florence Oh Diclgr, Dicky. Dicky Kiss your Uncle Richard.,. Florence, Kiss him* Kiss him. Kiss him, (I?ifts up 3'lorence, kisses her as cutain descends) CURTAIL tr TT TT V TT TT TT 2hd Picture:- Rose is still in hysterics, lla-ry Oh, what shall we do for her? Dicker (hands "bottle.) Give her some of this* That»s all I can do,. (Hugs florence again, Mary holding "bottle in despair Rose screaming.) C U R T A I IT II II "it II II "ir "TT 11 I-S ACT IV « SCRIJE: — Set the same as Act 1st ^ Except one of the "and iron" is gone. Picture at the back hangs h;^ one wire, and there is a box of matches with the heads all "biArned off, a bo -uquet of flowers in vase o n mantel, all withered and scorched coal scuttle is off right reaay for Screwby to carry on) (Clock is not going on mantel, the hands point to eight o'clock, Tv.'0 flov/er pots vi'ith plants in C vifindow) At Rise: — Screwby i& standing C John Hwjard is seated L» of table) 8cr eiii/by And 3rou mean to tell me that gold is never found in a coal mine ? John ITever in m^ experience. Gold is the most universal of metals and after all the least of utility. You can't make tools of it it's too soft. It's onl3'- useful in the aecorative arts^ It's indestructible, it has the value, Screwb;,' And you tell me to ray teeth, it t s not found in coal mines, John, Oh it might be found anywhere. They say it's in the vater of the sea, but the expense of extracting it v/oula haraly be profitable, and perhaps it's just as well, for if it would be easily and cheaply produced, it would soon lose it's purchasing value, according to the ratio of it's abunoance, Pood products would go up in price. The useful metals would increase in value. There would be a catachysm in the finances of the v/orld, everything would be in chaos, but to return to the coal, why ao you think it is found in coal? (Knocks at door) Screwbj'- Hush, pack to your hiding place, quick. (Goes to L U E) John exits R) Screwby imo is it? Dicky (outside.) it is I. Dicky Lird, Open the aoor, quick, Screwby (Opens door, Dicky and Florence enter) Scr ewby Yihat ' 3 this, '^^h.j I thought you were alone? Dicky Uo Screv/by not alone, never no more. lehold in this lady Jirs Dickj^ Bird who is to be as fast as :e can get a clergy man to make us one. Screwby Y/hat? Licks'- Behold in us two loving hearts who have runned av.ay? Screwby ■Sneloperaent .. Dicky Yes, Florence is going to save me from Rose. Florence Dicker _ Dicky how ^'■ou go on? Dickj/- You know Rose wants to marrj'- me, and she's a determined woman e Screwby, is your phone working, I vjant to call up the reverand Mr. Dubey, 2~S Screv/TDy Yes, "but I alvmys cmrge a nickel when an outsider uses ray phone '.■ lAc'kv (pee Is in pocket and pulls out "b^lls,) Flossie give Screv/bjr a nickel please „ (i'lorence roaches in bag and gives Screwby a coin v/hich he examines carefully and then puts in pocket c Dicky rings up phone ) licky Hello, Hello.- Yes, Central, give me- l^octor iJuhy, will you, yes, 4»II — 44, Hello, Hello, (pause,) is that you Doctor Duhey, yeSo V/ell this is Dicic7 Ei rd talking. I vi/ant to get marriedj v/hat's that. I saia I Y/ant to get raarried. Oh, I'm so foolish am I? Well come oyer to the olci Hayne s place at once eill you? Si Screwbj'" is living near here, now,. Yes, ¥i?hat , yo\x were going to go to hed. ITonsense, aon't go to "bed imless you have nothing else to do, Whay, you're sleepy? ITever mind," come anyv;a;r. Thank you. Thank you, (hangs up phone) He says he's sleepy? Screwby Oh Duhey's always sleepy. Say, you've got ray lump of coal., Dicky Oh yes, here it is, (Produces it from pcoekt) Where did you get it? Screwby Aha c (knowingly „) That's the secret. How would you like to come in on good ground floor, I need a hundred thousand dollars, and then I'll have millions — >raillions„ Dicky- So, they've trimmed you at last, eh^ I thought they would ah, poor Screwby? Screwby Trirarned me4 Mel Ah\ Ha, ha, ha, Dicky Where has all your money gone? Screwb3r Invested ray hoy — invested-- DiclQr In what? ScreviTby In the rainos, where this came from., Do you see those yellow streaks, it is gold. Gold, Gold, (Holding up lump of coal) Dicij'- I 'm an expert , Screwby Ah, but John Hyward is, he says it's gpld. Look at those ■veias, look at ' era I say.^ They stretch through the i^hole lurap,v/h37- that speciirjan alone, would assay a thousand dollars a t on , ■Dicky And you have mortgaged this house to get the money, to pursue this will of the ¥i/hisp--this dream, Scr ew^by Hov; do you know, I've mortgaged this house,. Dicky A little bird told me. Say, v/hat have you aone with Hay ¥/ard? Screvi/by (layst eriously J HushI He ' s not far off, I start him to-night to West Virginia, Dicky West Virginia? Screwby. 3-S ScreY/by Yes, where this comes from., The railroad has a"bandoned. the spur to ray mines and I vuant you to invest some of the money you have inherited, to help me force them to ree stablish the serviced L'iGlcj'' Screwby, you'll "be in a padded cell shortly, if you don't get 2hep" to yourself. Let me see Hayv/ard c (Screwby impatiently points to Florence) Dicky Yi/'hat are you pointing at Tlorence for,; Don't you trust her (;frnock on door L U E^) Ah, perhaps that's the clergyman, 5'lorence Oh. Dicky — I — I want to go home, I ant to go horaeo Dickj'- Your home is here, Honeybunch on your hubby's manly chest (Draws her toh.im) Screwby Oh Slush, (knock again) Ii[iddleton. (outside) You'd better open this door. Screv/by if you know v/hat's good for you, Screwby It's the "con" man, Middleton„ Dicky Let him in, Screv/by But — Dicky Let liim in » • Screvi/by But he will try to extort money from me „ Dicker |,eafl Mm on to do it, give it to him. And Plossie and I will vjltness the operation, and we will send him up for blackmail Screwby But I haven't any money in the house c Dicky I'll lend you some here, (hands him some bills c ) There's a couple of himdred, Flossie and I will hide in here, (Puts his arm around her and leads her off R door. They exuent) Scre\7by„ ((ji-Tjimbling, ) Damn it all. Damn it „ Damn it „ Damn it c Middle ton. You'd better hurry up in there, Screwby (Goes to door L U E opens it Middleton and Blossom enter) Middle tone Are you alone, (crosses over R) Scre?/by (C) No, I mean ye s ». Blossom, (l) I heered you a talkin' in here, Screwby I v/as talking to myself. Blossom nj heered you "damning somebody, Screwby I ¥/as saying my prayers, WMt do you fellovifs \^nt? Elossom= We want to get even me especially. In the first place, v-tat you aid to me to-night? 4-S Screv/ty I didn't do a thing to you to-night. Blossom (L) V/ell, I'm going to beat you up for it, so look out, (squaring off) Middle ton. (R) Hold up you idiot o ¥e are not here fot any such fool v/ork There's only one way to get "back at this loan, and that is touch his pocket c Sere why How well you know rae -, iSiddletonc How I know all ah out your scheme atoout getting Jack Hyv^ard off in orderto utilize his mining talents in West Virginia, I am satisfied tliat it was he who was in the auto 'car vj'ith you to-night, Iffor all I knov/, you may have been secreted somewhere aroiind here nowo Y ou have placed yourself in peril of the law, Screwby? Sloss ama That ain't no lie. Middle ton. And there's only one way for you to s qiiarey ours elf , and that is — come across, (HoJds out hand) Blossom, Yes, come across .two timeSw I'm in on th§s , Bcrewby And suppose, I don't ccme across o Slossomo If you don, you'll sleep in the cage to-night, and Jack Hy^«ard vi/ill not got to West Virginia." Screwby , And if I do come across. Blossom^. Y/e will forget everything that happened. I will be deaf-dianb and blind him and Hayi^iard as far as I am concerned can go to — well, I don't care where he goes,. Screwby What's your idea of coming across, (They look a''- each other) Middle ton „ Well, I knov/ that you never have much cash, and I guess you're prettj/- nearly all in now, save you split five h-undred between us, and we'll keep rnxxmc Screwby o Eive-f-f-f-five hundred. Middle ton. Yes, there's nothing more for me in ■'zh.z.s, burgh, and I want a stake to go elsewhere. Screwby Pive hundred. Let me see, *hat means tv/o dollars and a half a piece doesn't it. Middle tone Ah, talk sense, Screwby That's what I'm doing— five hundred cents is two dollars and fifty cents a piece. I havenH much money as you say, about mE. I'll go a little bit better though, I'll give you three dollars a piece, that's more tlB,n either of you ever made in a day, honestly., (reaches in pockety Middleton and Blossom grab him one on each side) Middleton, (R) Give us all you have in your clothes, (B usiness they go through him) 5"S ScrewlDy (C) Ro'b'berB, RoTolDers. Blossom^ (j) Shut up, or I'll hand you one c Dicky (entering gets "between Blossom and Screwby„) jf you do Bios scan, I'll hand you two? Blosscan and Middleton, Diciy BirdI Dicliy Yes, and the witness to your To^cimail and rohbery. Middle ton. (Down R.) You'll never live to tell it « (Draws "black Jack) J ohn . (enters comes down R sei zes Middleton by wrist twists black jack out of his hand throvirs him dovifn R.) Oh yes he will. Drop your thugs, weapon. Drop it „ Blossomi jack Hajnji/ard? John, Yes, I am a witness alsOc "^Je caught you with the goods, Middletono You almost convicted murderer, your testimoney will haveno value . iB'lorence (enters.) But mine will, Edv/ard Middleton, and I'll testify to the limit . Dicker Hooray piossiOc Come and kiss your uncle, I mean your Dicky? i'lorence Dear Dicky (embraces him) blossom. Jack Hayvifard, I arrest you, you are my prisone:^c Dicky Too late Blossom, jack is going to give himself up to the chief ff police and stand his trial, but first he has some important business to attend to. j'lossy phone over to your sister Ma-ry and have her come here at once, Florence (Runs down to phone, rings up.) Hello Central, Give me 177 Miss Summers, Yes, (paiise.) Hello, Hello. ¥%o's at the phone? Is that you f.^ary- Yes, this is Florence, Come over to our old home at once, jack is here, wauit to see you. At once. ( Ha ngs up re ce ive r ) Screwby That wil 1 be another nickel., (i'lorence pays him business as before.) Look a here Dicky, I don't thank you for butting into;Tn business a darned bit Here you've been a coaxing Hayward to go back and acknowledidn' himaelf to be a malefactor jest becaiise you think y u and your doctors and lawyers can prove him oae of them lunatics „ That the law calls pyrotechnics, and I need his talent in my business. I'ickj'- Your business is your gola uream? Screwby Gold Dream. Gold Hell. It ain't no dream^ Dickj- That one LITTLE specimen you showed me, Screwby I've got more of them, \\iiiy I've got a peck and a half, I'll show 'em to you, you derned idiot, you just wait, (Rushes off Right door) 6-3 Dicky Joirn, is gold ever foimd in corabination with coal? ., ^ John, ^ 44irSSiini-l F-- -""-^ ^^^^^^ yard! sea-water contains five cents to every cubic (Hothing Omitt ed) 1-E I have often wondered at the limited use of gold in the arts and manufactures and it has always seemed strange that the entire financial systems of the v/orlds greatest countries ^is founded on a metal of which the only practical use, we ma£e is to' gild picture frames and fill teethe Dicky You infer then that if all this gold hy new discoveries of working and chemistry can he extracted at a profit. John \1/hen that time comes 5 gold will be so cheapmand other commodi- ties so dear, a hushel of wheat will coast ahout a thousand dollars. Screv/by (Re-enters v/ith coal scuttle) Look at this? Look at this, ajia! And I own the mine this came from. Dicky Where did you get it, si? Screwby I bougjit it when I bought this house with it^s contenty, Florence "Why that^s oxir coal-scuttle, Screwby Was, young womans Was, It's my coal scuttle now. Aha! Just look at me and watch me gloat. I'm the richest man in the world. The richest man in tlae wcrldl Dicky (Pause) poor screwbyj ?oor old Scout; I'm sorry for you-so-s© sorry. You have accomp:j.ishdd one good thing though, you have found the murderer of Pelhajn Haynes^ Omnes What? (Middleton makes a rush for the window C.) (John attempts to stop him) Dicky Let that poor picayune pikergo John, he is not the murderer. G-o along with you. Get out^ You, Blossom stay. (As BIsssoel attempts to follow Midleton6 (Middleton exits window C„ Knock on doir L.U.E, ) Dicky That may be the reverand doctor Duby, Plossie^ Let him in^ (Florence goes to door; L.U.E,) Screwby (Holding scuttle) Zicky BirdI I must say, youJre taking a lot of liberty in my house. Dicky It won't be your house long, Screwby. You know it is mortgaged , Sc rewby Yes, I know but how the devil do you know? (Enter Mary and Rose L.U.E. ) Dicky I hold the mortgage that?s v/hy. \i/hen I heard you were be- having like a lunatic, and throwing away your money, I thought I v/ould seize the opportunity to see that the daughters of Pelham Haynes would come into their own, thatlfs all, Screv/by Lunatic! Ha! Hal. Ha' (Holds up scuttle) Look at them nuggets. ?/hc's looney nov/? Ha^ Haf HaJ Rose Gibbering Gorilla] Florence Kry, DgJc says the assassin of Father is discovered. Blossom Well who ever it is, we had better set about arresting him,, or her as the case may be. (Produces handcjiffs) 2-3 Rose You "shet" up J CBlosscm shrinks) Let Dicky talk^ "Dicky The assassin entered through that window. Come here. Mary! Do you see these two flower pots? (Takes T^ary to C. ) I-^ thi3 one (Taking up one on L. ) The leaves are fresh and gre-n. The flower is iDlooming, In this one^ nothing hut a withere(4 stuirp remains . Ifery It was my "beautiful geranium. Dicky Ah the assassin in his work of death played some strange mad prsmks. He thought it was not enough ta murder. That is not damage enough. The picture on the wall attracts hi:^!^ so he severs one half the wire that holds it on one side^ curling v/hat is left around the nail, that I s which holds up the picture and then carries it, the severed piece.5 where does h© carry it? (Goes overto fire-place) He carries it over to this "Abd-iron" and wraps it around it» Then he stops the clock en the mantelj and eight o'clock. See the hour Mr, Haynes met his. deatll. Rose How did he stop the clock? Dicky He "magnetized" it, Rose. Rose Who ever heard of such a thing? That^s as rediculous as to tell a lady she could stop a clock "by looking at it. Blossom I've met such a lady, "but say this here wire has not "been cuty it»s welded right on to this and-xrcn, the ends look as if they had "been melted, Dicky Blossom They were melted. By whom? Dicky The assassin, who just "burned the heads off all the matches in the "box, v/ho withered and scorched all the flowers in this "bouquet. "Who hurled lir^ Haynes so that he fell with his head on the other "andiron" and made his escape up the chimney^ Blossom ■viHaat are you giving us? I should like to see any ro"b"ber or assassin who could do that." Dicky You shall see him in the mooing clouds. His time for ^vork is in the tempest and his mission is swift sure and terrible- / Omnes Hi s name * Hi s name \ Dicky It is the lightning. Omnes Thelightening? Dicky The lightning. That night when we shuddered at the thunder. ' His v/ork was accomplished. jn the txirning of a thought, this murderer came and was gone. Mark his footsteps! See, one plant shriveled! The other spared^ His sword of five cut the wire from the picture and wrapped it aroimd the fire irons,. The clock I have menti'oned, the matches. Mr„ Haynes death and there is one thing more. Is there a hole in the bottom of that sou ttle Screwbyf Mary And the diamonds in the locket? 3"B Dicliy They returned to their original carhon, Mary God Bless you, Mr, Birdi God hless you, John! They will free you, (Emhracing him) Theyhwill free you, I thank Heaven, I'm spared the thought that -gather >s hlood is on any living creature! s s&ul. Florences (Mary releases herself from John, the twff. young girls sob in each other's arms) Screwhy And there ain't no mere gold where this came from, John I fear not, Mr. Screwbyo Screvirby Well, I call this damned low down mean of you Dicky with your thunder and lightning, (Gae-esover, extreme R. with coal scuttle on knees, looking sadly into it) (Knock on door) Blossam goes up discloses Reverand Mr, Duhy. Blossom It's the parson, Si, Mr, Duhey] Screwby (Growls) Tell him tw go to-- to them as wants him^ I don't, Di cky Welcome Dr. Dubey. (Goes to him takes hand) ]>-aryJ JohnJ Rosei Florence and I are going to be narried, Omne s When? Dicky Right now, and if you'lltkke my advice John and Mary, we'll make a double wedding. Rose But where do I come in? Dicky Go and comfort Screv/by. Rose Si] (Approaching him) Screwby Go away. I've been struck by lightning already, (Looks in scuttle; CURTAIH Florence and Dicky together. John and Mary R,C. Dubey up at back. Blossom L. ) SEP J8 !»»> i