y'i Class _IESjS5^ CQEXRIGHT DEPOSm SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON By WILLIAM F. KIRK n Author of "The Norsk Nightingale" BOSTON SMALL, MAYNARD & COMPANY PUBLISHERS Copyright, 1918, By Small, Maynard & Company (Incorporated) SEP 26 {918 -yi^ ' I THE T7NITEBSITY PBES3, CAMBRIDGE, U. S. A. ©Gi.A5U-3571 :^ To Dorothy CONTENTS PAGE Herman 3- Dis Star-Spangled Banner 4 Battle Cry of Freedom 6 The Yerman Yerm 8 YuMP^ Boys! Yump! 9 Otto Brickstein^ 10 Officer Ole 12 Minnehaha . 14 Yeneral Yohnson 15 Yankee Doodle 17 The Gas Mask 18 Yennie Yones 19 Pete Peterson 20 Ten-Cent Cigars 21 Dodging 22 Private Pete 23 The Yermans 24 Old Man Yenkins 25 Yeneral Foch , 26 Dis Har Crown Prince 27 Sonnet of Soldiering 28 Knights of Old 29 Dese Irish 31 To Columbia 32 Abraham Lincoln 33 To Uncle Sam S5 Little Yulia 36 vii CONTENTS PAGE A Song of Action 57 Corporal Clancy 38 Dis Har Canteen 39 *' YiMMiE " Yackson 40 In THE Air 41 A Trench Dream 42 Yeneral Yoffry 43 YusT Yustice 44 Free Verse 45 A Ballade of Bombs 46 On the Yump 48 YuLY 49 To Voodrow Vilson 50 vju SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON HERMAN Ay used to know a Yerman Back home in Ninety-two. He yoined dese Sons o£ Herman — His name ban Herman, tu. He played in little Yerman Band And say he love his Faderland. Ven dis big var first coming To Yermany he go. He say ven things ban humming A Yerman band ban slow. He tenk dis Kaiser have big odds If he have Herman's help and God's. Ve caught some Yerman geezers In trench raid yesterday. In dis har crew ban Herman, tu, Ay know him mile avay ! Ay say to him, " Hello, old pal ! " " Hello ! " say HermaUo " Var ban Hal ! " SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON DIS STAR-SPANGLED BANNER Sax years Ay ban living in old U. S. A. And alvays ban vorking and getting gude pay. Ay tal all my friends Ay ban happy to be In dis land of the brave and dis home of the free! Ay tal all my friends, ven of Sveden dey brag, Dis Star-Spangled Banner ban yoUy gude flag! Ay tenk ven Ay vatch it vay op in the sky Ven first Ay come over dis new land to try, Dis flag ban look down kind of smiling and say " Ay tenk yu skol love me and help me some day ! '' Ay ban a green Svede, but vay down in my heart Ay feel dis har banner skol playing big part ! SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON So now Ay ban fighting dese Yermans, old pal, And ven Ay ban started Ay hustle lak Hal ! Ay tenk dis flag know me and sing in the And say " Ve skol vinning dis var bye and bye!" Ay fight twice as hard ven Ay look op and see Dis Star-Spangled Banner ban banking on me ! SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON BATTLE CRY OF FREEDOM Yump over the top ! Yump over the top ! Yump into dese Yermans and making dem drop! Ay tal yu dese Svedes skol mak yoUy gude show Lak dey fight for old Gustavus long time ago! Ven a Yerman birnip into a mad Svede, old pal, He last yust so long lak ice cream in Hal! Yump over the top ! Yump over the top ! Dese cannons go Boom and dese rifles go Pop. Dese Yermans ban knowing ve ban a tough batch — One Svede to sax Yermans ban purty gude match. And Ay bet yu dese Yermans know some- teng skol drop Ven Olesons and Swansons go over the top ! Yump over the top 1 Yump over the top ! Yust mak dis old Kaiser to closing up shop! 6 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON Dis Kaiser ban starting to murder and rob — Dese Svedes and dese Yankees skol give him new yob. Dey know he ban breaking his promise on throne, And soon dey skol give him gude yob breaking stone! Over the top ! Over the top ! Old Kaiser Vilhelm ban going to drop! SONGS OF SERGEANT; SWANSON THE YERMAN YERM Dar ban some funny little worms — Dese doctor fallers call dem yerms. Dey say dese yerms ban purty quick To fill yure blood and mak yu sick. Ay tenk of all dese yerms vich crawl Dis Yerman yerm. ban vorst of all ! Dis Yerman yerm say " Go in town And burn all God's gude churches down And wrong all women yu skol see And hang old men on tallest tree And kill the sick and the infirm ! And Babies ! " say dis Yerman yerm ! Dar ban yust one sure thing ve know — Dis Yerman yerm skol have to go ! Dis world skol never be fair place So long as it can show its face ! Dese Allies skol stand pat and firm Till ve ban kill dis Yerman yerm ! 8 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON YUMP, BOYS! YUMP! Yump, boys ! Yump ! Ve skol have dem up a stump Ef ve fight, fight, fight! Every day and every night ! Yust so sure as God ban King Dis har Kaiser ve skol sting! Ef dis Kaiser keep his place God ban mocking human race ! Yoin, boys ! Yoin ! Quit yure yobs vich pay gude coin ! Ven yu got God's vork to du Vat in Hal ban coin to yu? Never mind vat slackers say 'Bout dese yobs vith fancy pay. Dar ban only one Man's Yob — Beating dis har Yerman mob ! Yump, boys ! Yump ! Kaiser Vilhelm ban a chump ! Even if his fist ban hard Vilhelm's head ban full of lard ! Ven he putting on his hat Dis har hat ban full of fat! He skol sune get awful bump ! Yump, boys ! Yump ! 9 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON OTTO BRICKSTEIN " Vat for ban bugles blowing loud? " said Ole-on-the-Yob. " To vake yu op ! " his pal he say. " Yu ban a sleepy slob ! '' ^' Vat for yu vant to vake me op ? " young Ole he skol say, " To see dis Otto Brickstein. He ban get- ting his to-day ! Dey ban hanging Otto Brickstein on scaffold gude and high. He ban hanging 'round vith Allies — he ban a Yerman spy. He tal dis Yudge ' Gudemorning ' — dis Yudge tal him ' Gude- bye!' Dey ban hanging Otto Brickstein in the morning ! " " Ay lak to getting little sleep ! " say Ole- on-the-Yob. " Last night Ay drenk a little yin and got gude ache in knob." " All right," his pal say, " go to sleep, yu lazy, loafing chump ! 10 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON But Ay skol stay avake and see ven Otto tak dis yump. Dey ban hanging Otto Brickstein. It mak him blue lak Hal. Dis Kaiser give him Iron Cross and tal him ' Gudebye, Pal ! ' Ef Kaiser ban in danger yu vould hearing awful yal ! Dey ban hanging Otto Brickstein in the morning ! '' 11 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON OFFICER OLE Officer Ole ban feeling tired — He ban on the march since ten. Dese vagons stick, and horses get mired, And it ban tough vork for men. Finally Officer Ole get sore And say " Ay an't going to march no more ! " He sit right down on gude big log And vatching the gang go by. He say he don't lak to quit lak dog But he ban too tired to try. He say " Ay s'pose yu skol making roar But Ay yust an't going to march no more ! '^ So the rest of us have to march avay And leave poor Ole behind. Den Yermans ban coming and someone say " Ole ban change his mind ! " And down dis road come my old pal And Officer Ole ban running lak Hal ! 12 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON ^' Ay thought yu ban going to march no more ! '' Ay say ven he coming near. " Ay thought yure legs ban so tired and sore Yu skol march no more for a year ! " And he say, wjhen he pass us on the yump, " Ef yu call dis marching, yu ban a chump ! " 13 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON MINNEHAHA Ven Ay rest in camp dis morning Ay ban borrowing book from soldier Vich he borrowed tu, he tal me. It ban all about dese Inyuns And its name ban " Hiawatha " And it tal about a river And dese Falls of Minnehaha. Den Ay shut my eyes a minute And remember one nice summer Ven Ay soldier at Fort Snelling Near dese Falls of Minnehaha Vich ban out in old Mansota. It ban dar Ay meet a lady — She ban blond — her name ban Minnie And Ay tenk did Minnie love me So Ay blow my pay all Summer In dese shows and ice cream parlors Out near Falls of Minnehaha. And at last, ven Ay ask Minnie Ef she lak me for a husband Minnie she skol give me Ha Ha And go back to Minneapolis. " Yu ban chump to fall for Minnie ! " Say dese Falls of Minnehaha. 14 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON YENERAL YOHNSON Yohnson ban corporal, lazy and fat, Talking all day but he talk t'ru' his hat. " Ven Ay ban Yeneral Yohnson," he say, " All of yu fallers skol getting gude pay. All of yu fallers skol resting all day ! " Ven Ay ban Yeneral Yohnson," he say, " Ay skol yust chasing dese Yermans avay ! Op on white horse Ay skol looking so grand All dese har Yermans skol losing their sand. Den Ay skol running dis whole yolly show Yust lak Yeorge Vashington long time ago. Ay skol vin fights and mak Yermany pay Ven Ay ban Yeneral Yohnson," he say. Yohnson ban taking us over the top Yesterday noon and our Captain skol drop. Ven ve run back into trenches a-flying Yohnson he stick var our Captain ban lying. 15 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON Yohnson skol carry him back to the trench — Captain an't hurt much — he set op on bench. " Yen Ay ban Yeneral — " Yohnson he say, And Corporal Yohnson skol passing avay. 16 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON YANKEE DOODLE Ay ban Svede, but Ay tal yu Ay ban Yankee Doodle, tu ! All t'ru' dis bar yoUy yam Ay skol fight for Uncle Sam ! Long ago Ay come to see Dis bar Country of the Free And it ban gude home for me. It ban bar Ay mak first penny — It ban bar Ay marrying Yennie. It ban bar, ven roses blow, Little Olaf come and go. Ef he ban har now. Ay know He vud love dis country tu And dis red and white and blue ! Ay an't ban a Svede no more — Ay ban Yankee down to core ! Yust three tengs Ay tenk ban grand — God and Yennie and Yankeeland ! After while, ven ve skol go. Little Olaf he skol know Yust how dear dis Land of Free Ban to Yennie and to me ! 17 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON THE GAS MASK Old Yohnson — his first name ban Yohn — Skol talk lak blazes, off and on. Yohn ban a private. Ay got notion He talk too much to get promotion. He know how long to wery day Dis var ban going to last, he say. He know, he say, yust to a dot How many guns dese Yermans got. He say " Ay 'm onto dese har Dutch — Dey can't fool me. Ay know tu much ! " The oder fallers all feel bum Ven dey see old Yohn Yohnson come. And yust so sune as he see Yohn Each f aller put his gas mask on ! Dey keep dese masks on gude and tight Till Yohn skol tal the gang Gude night. Dey say " Yohn Yohnson he ban ass And all his talk ban yust lak gas ! " Ay tenk a gas mask vork lak peach Ven Congressmen ban making speech ! 18 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON YENNIE YONES Yennie Yones, Ay mak dis verse To my little Red Cross nurse. Yu ban doing all yu can Yust so brave as any man ! Yoan of Arc ban brave, of course, Ven she ride on big white horse. She ban living long ago When War ban lak circus show. War an't ban no circus now — Not dis har War, anyhow. Not one cheer for Yennie Yones — All she ever hear ban groans. Red Cross girls — dey all ban brave. Men skol kill and dey skol save. Op in Heaven dese golden thrones Ban for girls lak Yennie Yones ! 19 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON PETE PETERSON Pete Peterson ban Sergeant now And he ban starting yoUy row. He get too fresh and yump on me — Ay .ban a Sergeant tu, yu see. He com along in nice new suit And say " Swan Swanson, yu salute ! " Ay tal him " It ban op to yu Because Ay ban a Sergeant tu ! " 6i ii Yu skol salute me first ! '' say he Ef yu ban yentleman lak me ! " Ay say " Ay 'm Sergeant sax months past And so Ay skol salute yu last ! " Den he salute me, and Ay s'pose He put his thumb too near his nose. Dey feed me now on water and bread But Sergeant Pete, he eat in bed ! 20 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON TEN-CENT CIGARS Inwentors of printing ban grand — Inwentors of talking ban fine ! But man who inwented dese ten-cent cigars, He stand op at head of the line ! Last night Ay ban lying in trench And feeling dese yolts and dese yars Ven a geezer go by and catching my eye And give me two ten-cent cigars ! Ay find me a match quick enough And den Ay look op at dese stars And don't feeling tough ven Ay taking a puff At one of dese ten-cent cigars ! Ay ban kind of tough all my life Since Ay ban 'bout ten or eleven, And so Ay don't know ef Ay got any show For yumping from har op to Heaven. But Ay thank the gude faller who sent Dese ten-cent cigars over sea, And ef Ay can smoke dese cigars till Ay choke It ban near enough Heaven for me ! 21 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON DODGING Ven Ay ban young, 'bout ten years old, Ay got stiff neck from catching cold. And den it used to seem to me My neck ban purty stiff, by yee ! But now Ay ban a soldier man And know yust what a stiff neck ban ! My neck ban stiff lak stiff board vails From dodging dese har cannon balls. Ven Ay ban little kid in school Ay used to dodging teacher's rule. But now Ay ban brave soldier man And know what dodging really ban! Lak geezers bowing ven dey pray Ay bow sax thousand times a day. And ven dese bullets fly t'ru' air Dese vords Ay say an't ban no prayer ! So ef yu see me some nice day And Ay don't bow lak preachers pray Yu '11 know ven Ay don't bow my head Ay got stiff neck from dodging lead. 22 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON PRIVATE PETE Dis Private Pete ban funny guy Who yoin us fallers last Yuly. Ven he ban hurt or sick or broke He act yust lak it ban a yoke. He yoke all day and laugh and seng — He mak a yoke of everyteng. Ven some big yeneral come near place Pete say " Here comes old Frozen Face." Pete say to die for flag ban fine And say " Ay tenk Ay '11 live for mine. Ay got varm heart but got cold feet Ven bullets fly ! " say Private Pete. But yesterday ven fallers go Over the top at Yerman foe Dey fight so hard dis foe retreat And no man fight lak Private Pete ! He com back, tu, and say " Old pal, Ay sent sax Yerman guys to Hal And some day soon Ay tenk Ay '11 meet Dese Yerman guys ! " say Private Pete. 23 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON THE YERMANS Who used to tenk dis War ban great? The Yermans. Who used to sing dis song of hate? The Yermans. Who start to march and capture France And say '' Dese English got no chance And ve skol make dese Frenchmen dance? " The Yermans. Who bite off more dan dey skol chew? The Yermans. Who find that tengs look purty blue? The Yermans. Who ban at sea in leaky boat And find gude lump com op in throat Yen Uncle Sam take off his coat? The Yermans. Who did all dis har Kaiser's dirt? The Yermans. Who squeal lak Hal ven dey ban hurt? The Yermans. Who get gude lesson every day And after war ban going to pay Dese Allies and dis U. S. A.? The Yermans ! 24 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON OLD MAN YENKINS Old Man Yenkins ban hot old sport Who settle his bills in Yustice Court. He ban so stingy people say Dey have to sue him to getting pay. Old Man Yenkins ban rich as a Yew And got a million in farm land, tu. And so one day dey hear him say " Ay tenk Ay skol help dis U. S. A. ! Ay skol help dese fallers across big pond So Ay skol buy me a Liberty Bond ! " And so he open old box of i tin And fifty dollars he blow right in ! At first dey tenk he skol have a fit But Old Man Yenkins he do his bit. He buy dis bond lak a gude old soul And put big flag in his button-hole. " Ay skol do my part, by yee ! " say he, " For dis land of Brave and dis home of Free!'' Ef Old Man Yenkins ban gude old sport Den Hal ban first-class summer resort! 25 ^t'-' SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON YENERAr FOCH Yeneral Vashmgton, long ago. Fight lak blazes and trim dis foe. Yeneral Grant and Yeneral Lee Ban great yenerals tu, by yee! Yeneral Sherman say War ban Hal But Sherman ban gude brave Yeneral. Maester Napoleon Bonaparte Have a fox's brain and a lion's heart. Yeneral Yohnson an't take no bluff And Stonevall Yackson, he ban hot stuff! But Ay know fighters, and Ay tal yu Dis Yeneral Foch ban a fighter, tu ! Ven dis big War ban history stuff And Yermans tenk dey skol have enough, Dis Yeneral Foch skol have big name And planty of dis har stuff called Fame. Ay tal him so yust the oder day And he tal me in French "The Hal yu say ! " 26 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON DIS HAR CROWN PRINCE Dis har Crown Prince an't much to blame For part he ban playing in Yerman game, Lak lots of geezers vich look for throne His head ban solid and mostly bone. Ven he ban a stupid Yerman kid He never got spanked for tengs he did And dese har courtiers standing by Skol alvays tal him " Yu ban some guy ! '' And dis Crown Prince feel bold as brass And tak gude look in his looking glass. And he say to himself " Salute the King ! " And grin in dis looking glass, and sing, And say " Ay skol sune be King, Ay hope, 'Cause my old man ban an awful dope ! " Yu alvays notice when Fame ban won It an't ban won by a great man's son. My old man ban purty smart, by yee ! But my old man never ban great, lak me ! And dis har Kaiser ban great man now -— Dese Yermans die for him, anyhow ! So ven great men's sons ban mostly bone It look purty blue for dis Yerman throne ! 27 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON SONNET ON SOLDIERING Yu hear dis bugle call at break of day And it skol call yust ven yu dream of home And yu skol vash yure face and grab yure comb And yump to put dis breakfast fude avay. Yu dodge nice shot fired by some Yerman Vich purty near ban wentilate yure dome And wish yu ban in New York Hippo- drome Vith yure best girl. And den the vorld look gray! Yu bet the vorld look gray ! Dis fighting yob Ban fine to read about and tough to do ! Yu vish dis Kaiser and his Yerman mob Ban down var dese har devils have hot stew. And den yu vonder, tenking 'bout back home, Who ban vith Yennie now at Hippodrome? 28 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON KNIGHTS OF OLD Dese knights of old, So ve ban told, Ban first-class fighting men. Old Richard Third He ban a bird And fight if boss sajr when. Old Ivanhoe He an't ban slow And mak men drop in tracks. He have keen eye And ban mean guy Vith dis har battle-axe. King Harold, tu, Skol scrap a few Ven knighthood ban in flower. He hit his foes Gude smash on nose And foes stay out an hour. Dese knights of old Ban gude and bold, But never have to go T'ru' shot and shal And gas and Hal To take gude smash at foe ! 29 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON Dar ban brave knights To-day in fights And my gal Steena say Vith knights lak me Dis Land of Free Skol put dese Dutch avay ! 80 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON DESE IRISH Who ban a funny kind of bunch? Dese Irish! Who always getting some new hunch? Dese Irish! Who kick and sqveal and mak big bluff And say dey an't got rights enough But fight lak Hal ven tengs look tough? Dese Irish! Who ban so stubborn lak a mule? Dese Irish. Who alvays talk about Home Rule? Dese Irish. Who lak to fight and get black eye And who skol holler ven dey die Ef dey don't find Home Rule in sky? Dese Irish! But who ban alvays Freedom's boys? Dese Irish. Who tenk dese scraps ban dearest yoys? Dese Irish. Ven Hal ban popping low and high And Yermans for our trenches try Who skol Ay lak to have close by? Dese Irish! 31 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON TO COLUMBIA O Columbia, dis Yem of the Ocean ! Ay mak little song yust for yu ! All gude Svedes skol second the motion Because dey ban loving yu true ! In Nort' and in dis South Dakota Yu gave us the best ve could get And lots of gude Svedes in Mansota Skol fight for Old Glory, yu bet ! O Columbia, dis Yem of the Ocean! Ay fight my Yim-darnedest for yu And tenk Ay skol get gude promotion Before dis har scrapping ban through. Ay luv yu lak mother luv baby And dat ban big luv, yes, by yee ! Ay live in Columbia — and maybe Ay skol die for dis Land of the Free ! 32 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON ABRAHAM LINCOLN Abraham Lincoln — he an't ban a Svede — It say he ban Yankee, in books vich Ay read. He an't ban gude looking, his legs ban tu tall But Abraham Lincoln ban greatest of all! Folks skol have slaves in days long ago Vich vork gude and hard and an't getting no dough. Ay lak gude hard vork vich making me sveat But ven it come 'round Ay lak payday, yu bet! Abraham Lincoln skol say to dese guys, " Dese slaves an't got minute to look op at skies. Ay tenk dey got right to wacation in Yune Lak Villiams or Valker or any swell coon ! " So Abraham Lincoln ban setting dem free And now dey have payday lak yu and lak me. Ef Ay ban a coon and Ay have a fine baby Ay bet yu my life Ay skol naming him Abie! 33 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON ( Dis Kaiser skol lak to mak slaves of us all But ban bumping his head into yoUy stone vaU! And Abraham Lincoln look down from the skies And mak a gude bet on American guys ! 34 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON TO UNCLE SAM Ay skol back yu to the end, Uncle Sam. Yu ban gude old Yankee friend, Uncle Sam. Ay skol going over top Till ve mak dese Yermans stop — Ay skol fighting till Ay drop. Uncle Sam! Dis Yeorge Cohan sing vith yoy, Uncle Sam, " Ay ban Yankee Doodle Boy ! '' Uncle Sam. Dis Yeorge Vashington can't sing Back in days ven he fight King But yu bet his sword skol sting, Uncle Sam! Dis ban all vich Ay skol write. Uncle Sam. Ay skol drop my pen and fight. Uncle Sam. Yust so long as Ay skol stand Ay skol fight dis Yerman band! God bless yu and Yankeeland, Uncle Sam! 35 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON LITTLE YULIA Little YuHa write to me Var Ay ban across big sea. Yulia write me " Save yure pay — Ve skol marry some fine day." Yulia she ban sax years old But she got gude eye for gold. She ban old enough to know Getting married needs some dough. So she write me " Save yure pay — Ve skol marry some fine day.'' Val, dis ban best vay. Ay s'pose, For yung lady to propose. Ven she lose her baby curls And get wise lak older girls Maybe she skol help to blow All Ay save of dis har dough. 36 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON A SONG OF ACTION Keep dese Yermans jumping Every chance yu got! Keep dese rifles pumping! Keep dese cannon hot ! Mak dem break lak bubble, Dis har Kaiser's crew ! Dey ban look for trouble — It ban op to yu ! Keep dese Yermans yumping Till dey fall in tracks. Show how Yanks keep humping Lak in Seventy-sax! Every time smoke raises Yust keep shooting, pal! Give dese Yermans blazes! Give dese Dutchmen Hal ! 37 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON CORPORAL CLANCY Dis har Yim Clancy ban so tough All fallers give him room enough. He ban so tough Ay ban afraid To give him yob vith pick or spade. Yen oder fallers dig in trench He tal me " Ay skol play the bench ! Ay lak to see some roundhead yay Tal me to vork ! " Yim Clancy say. Ay never see a man so tough And Ay seen plenty tough enough ! He say " Ef all dis corn beef fails Ay '11 eat sax pounds of shingle nails ! Ef shingle nails ban hard to get Ay skol eat railroad spikes, yu bet! " His chin ban sqvare, his neck ban rough — Oh, yes, Yim Clancy he ban tough! But last night boys ban singing song 'Bout dis har trail vich ban long, long ! At first Yim Clancy he get pale Yen dey skol sing " Dar 's a long, long trail!" Ay find him after he ban hid, And he ban crying, yust lak kid ! He say to me " Gudenight, old pal — To-morrow Ay skol fight lak Hal ! " 38 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON DIS HAR CANTEEN Dis har Canteen In gude old days Ven Ay ban soldier in Fort Snelling, It ban fixed op in saxty vays To boost dis booze vich dey ban selling. But Ay skol lak to tal yu how Dis har Canteen ban different now. Dar ban no tough guy tending bar Lak in old days ven tough bartenders Skol shake yu dice for gude cigar And win yure pay and yure suspenders ! Since dis har Fight ban going thick Dis new Canteen ban purty slick. Dar ban nice ladies, svell and sveet. To give yu smile lak any el give. Dar ban no rail to rest yure feet. But yu got better chance to live ! Yu get gude coffee now instead Of gude old Rye vich knock yu dead ! In gude old days yu never see Tough soldier faller in Canteen Taking gude drenk of milk or tea Vich he skol get from purty qveen. But now, ven ve skol rise from bed, Our eyes ban blue instead of red ! 3& SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON "YIMMIE'^ YACKSON Yimmie Yackson com to me Yesterday and say, say he : " Dis har game ban purty tough And Ay 'm sick, all right enough ! Both my knees skol bend, old scout, Yust lak yack-knife all vorn out. Ay don't care ef Ay ban sick — Ay skol stick ! '' Yimmie Yackson don't tal lie — He ban sick enough to die. He ban thin lak long thin rail And his face skol grow so pale Lak a face yu see in yail. But ven doctor tal liim " Qvit ! '' Yimmie Yackson tal him " Nit ! Ay ban gude for one more trick — Ay skol stick ! " And to-day, at half-past sax, Yimmie fall right in his tracks. ^ He ban gone. And ven he vaits Op at dese har Pearly Gates Var gude fallers all ban thick, He skol stick ! 40 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON IN THE AIR To-day Ay go in aeroplane It ban first time Ay yump in sky. It go so fast lak railroad train And maybe t'ousand times as high. Ay ban lak lots of oder men — Ay hate to go op high in air, But f aller tal me " Yump in, Sven ! And ve skol sail to Golden Stair ! " Ven ve ban op sax t'ousand feet My feet ban cold lak iceman's hands And yiminy ! How my heart skol beat Lak gude bass drum in dese brass bands ! Ay vork in mine long time ago — It ban tough yob and Ay don't love it, But mile down under ground. Ay know, Ban nicer yob dan mile above it! 41 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON A TRENCH DREAM Ay ban dreaming of my home In Duluth, Ven Ay used to take gude roam In Duluth. Over har it ban tough yob Fighting dis har Yerman mob. Once Ay ban a happy slob In Duluth. Ay ban leaving little gal In Duluth. Now Ay s'pose she got new pal In Duluth. She skol write me it ban tough And she say she ^s blue enough But dar ban a lot of bluff In Duluth. So Ay 'm dreaming of my Yane In Duluth, And Ay 'd lak to yump off train In Duluth. Maybe she stay home and sob And turn down Yack and Yim and Bob But Ay tenk dis ban tough yob In Duluth. 42 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON YENERAL YOFFRY Ef Ay ban Yeneral Yoffry now Instead of yust a sergeant geezer, Ay skol be raising yoUy row And lead my men lak Yulius Caesar. Ay know dar ban some Yeneral man Who used to tenk he ban a vinner. He lead his men op hill and den He lead men down again for dinner. But ef Ay ban a Yeneral man Ay 'd leading men op hill all right And den Ay 'd say " Right har ve stay Till Hal ban freezing gude and tight ! '* Ay 'd find dis Kaiser anyhow And handing him gude yolt on beezer, But Ay an't ban a Yeneral now — Ay only ban a sergeant geezer. Ay tenk Ay show some speed, by yee ! Ay tenk Ay trim dis Yerman mob Ef Yeneral Yoffry he ban me And Ay have Yeneral Yoffry 's yob! 43 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON YUST YUSTICE Yust Yustlce — dis ban all ve ask For all gude fallers on dis earth. Each man ban glad to do his task And yump for all vich he ban vorth. Each faller feel, 'vay down in heart. It ban gude scheme to keep on jumping, And every day he tak new start As long as dis har heart ban pumping. Us fighting fallers, ve don't feel As if dis game of Var ban Circus. Ve have to yump around lak chump And it ban Hal the vay dey vork us ; But ve ban sure, 'vay down in hearts, Dat ve ban fighting for the veak. And Life skol be more sveet, by yee! Ven dese har Kings skol tak a sneak ! Yust Yustice — dat ban all ve vish And so ve sit in rain on benches And hear dese cannon balls go svish! And get cold feet in dese har trenches, Ven all dis vorld ban free at last And all dese Kings ban on the hummer, Den ve skol know all Vars ban past And Life skol be yust one sveet Summer ! 44 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON FREE VERSE Ve got a faller har in camp, He tal me he ban write Free Werse. He say he used to ban a tramp And tal me riches ban a curse. He show me poem he skol write After ve drive some Yermans back. He read dis poem to me last night — Ay tenk he give me gas attack! Dur ban no rhyme, dar ban no time — It ban yust prose chopped op lak Hal. He call it " Seeking the Sublime ! " " My Muse," say he, " ban Mysti-cal ! '^ He say Free Werse ban all New Thought Vich keep his Muse from making tunes. Ef Ay skol tal him vat Ay ought. Ay 'd say his Muse ban full of prunes ! 45 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON A BALLADE OF BOMBS Ay know hard bumps. Ay bet Ay du ! Ay tenk since Ay ban kid at play Dat Ay ban mostly black and blue Because my luck ban run dis vay. All dese hard knocks vich human clay Ban heir to, lots of times Ay take, But since Ay 'm har. Ay lak to say Yu bet dese bombs skol take the cake ! Last night ven all my vork ban t'ru', And Ay ban going to the hay, Ay tenk Ay tak a smoke or two Ay get from f aller yesterday. Ay tak gude puff and feel qvite gay Ven all of sudden com big shake! Ay drop lak dis har One Hoss Shay ! Yu bet dese bombs skol take the cake! And Ole Oleson get it, tu ! He lak to svear but start to pray ! Ay tenk it take sax qvarts of glue To patch him op so he skol stay. Ven Ay get orders, Ay obey And rake poor Ole op vith rake. And send him back to U. S. A. Yu bet dese bombs skol take the cake! 46 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON Ay lak to catch some Yerman yay Com sneaking op lak big fat snake ! Ay '11 blow him straight to Yudgment Day ! Yu bet dese bombs skol take the cake! 47 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON ON THE YUMP On the yump ! Fight and sing! Ve skol dump Dis Yerman King! The Master say long time ago, Ven he ban talking sveet and low : " Let little children play," say He, " Suffer dese children to com to Me ! '' Dis Kaiser say " My foes ban curst — Kill dese vimmen and children first ! " Ven Ay ban young Ay used to say Dar ban no Hal, but Ay tenk to-day Dar ban 'bout saxteen red-hot Hals For Kaiser Vilhelm and his pals ! On the yump ! Fight and sing! Ve skol dump Dis Yerman King! 48 SONGS OF SERGEANT SW ANSON YULY It ban on saxteenth of Yuly Ven Captain Yinks skol passing by, Dis Captain Yinks he ban a beaut And look at me ven Ay salute. " Val, Sergeant Swanson," den he say, " Ay tenk dis har ban dam' hot day ! " And ven Ay try to tal him why Dis sun ban hot vay op in sky Ay look at him and say " Yuly ! '' Den Captain Yinks he look at me Lak my vife look at half-past three Ven Ay com home from Eagle Lodge. He look so ugly Ay skol dodge! He tal me " What ban biting yu To call me liar? Yu big stew Ay tenk yu must ban full of brew ! '' And den Ay tal him Ay skol try To say dis month it ban Yuly. And den he laugh lak he skol cry And say " Ay vish yu Svedish skates Could learn to talk United States ! " 49 SONGS OF SERGEANT SWANSON TO VOODROW VILSON Dear President, Ay lak to say Yu ban grand boss of U. S. A. Ven dese har Yermans getting gay Yu call deir bluff ! All dese har tengs yu say ban grand But little child skol understand And since from Sveden first Ay land, Ay read yure stuff. Ay read yure stuff and den Ay know Vy Yankee fallers luv you so ! Yure vords ban plain and dis har foe Dey stab lak knife. Ay don't know English wery val But ven Ay read vat yu skol tal. Den Ay skol fight for you, old pal ! Yu bet yure life ! Yu keep yure head and yu keep cool Lak ven yu used to teaching school. Dis Kaiser sit on dunce's stool Ven yu mak speech. Yu got a lot of tengs to du For dis har Red and White and Blue So Ay skol close. Gude luck to yu ! Yu ban a peach ! 50