* LIBRARY OF CONGRESS. (v i --^KSq. UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. S jo WHEN CUPID CALLS To MY MOTHER AUTHOR OF LOVE LAUGHS etc fCl E-R-HERRICK«f(XMP/NV 70FIFTH4VENUENEWYORK- )%^*® s c^gyn* 20::: Copyright, 1898, By E. R. Her rich & Company All Rights Reserved LVCWoS O The great majority of the verses in this volume "were originally printed in "Truth "; and to the editors and proprietors of that paper the author presents his compliments and thanks for their permission to use the same. New York, September ist, i8qS. PREFATORY NOTE He who woos with a dash of flippancy is ten times more apt to win than his rival, who, taking himself too seriously, woos with the air of one taking part in a competitive examination . So, to a certain extent, is it with books and the public. That is the reason why even the best dictionary does not become a popular cra^e, though it contains all the most beauti- ful words in the language. The author has been advised often enough to take himself more seriously. But he has been afraid that, if he did, the public would not take him at all. Do not imagine, there- fore, that the author could not write a "Para- dise Lost" if he really tri'ecl. (It will require no use of the imagination.) T. H. New York, September 1st, i8qS. CONTENTS PAGE Affair, An /j After-Dinner Song for Christmas, An 2Q At the Tick of the Clock 61 Awakening, The 38 Bells, The .... 91 Breath of Spring, A . 44 Butternuts .... 112 By Her Rival 78 Ciratmnavigation, A 18 Comi?ionplace Girl, The 43 Cttpid's Clerk . 77 Debutante, The 47 Fact vs. Fancy 106 Fin de Saison . 36 First Dead, The . 107 PAGE First and Worst, The .... 114 Grammatical Questio7i, A . 102 Heart and Hand . 88 I11 a Ballroom 103 In Bridal Robes . 55 In Different Ways 84 In Springtime . 46 lest We, Too, Forget 116 love's Ghost . 104 March Wish, A 56 May a?id Cupid 57 My Fault . 108 Necessary Change, A $7 Old love Remembered 53 Old Song, The . 93 Opportunity, An 79 Peerless Maid, A . 73 Philosophy . 34 Contents PAGE Poet, The .... . . . 62 Poker Artists, The . 85 Predicame?it, A .... 21 Proposal, A 37 Query, A 41 Question, A jj Regrets 76 Rejected Epic, A g^. Relief yo Reply, A .81 Revealed 54 Sir Wood B^s Spree ... ig Society Girl, The 101 Spring Poetry 82 Street Lamps, The .... 100 St. Valentine 's Day . ... 17 Sunset iog Surf on the Beach, The . . . 59 xiii Conte7its Sweeter Kind, The . Theory, A . . They Did Not Speak Three Contradictions Tin-Type, The To a Victim To Cupid . Toast, A Two Girls . Unforgotten Unhappy Voyage and Return Warning, A When In Love Which Shall It Be ? Who Knows ? Wish, A . Worse, and More of It 3i 64 25 45 32 68 98 52 72 40 66 in 49 63 42 39 WHEN CUPID CALLS A MULTIPLICATION TABLE WICE as white Is your throat to-night As feathers from angel wings ; Three times blue Are those eyes that you Can use to say such things. Four times red Are your cheeks, 'tis said, As a blood-rose dipped in dew ; Five times fair Is your wavy hair With its delicate golden hue. Six times sad, Nay, almost mad, Are gallants seven times eight ; And nine times all Are yet to fall At your feet and learn their fate. So here I sigh, As the hours pass by, Till the blue hills hide the sun; And wonder, Miss, Why you cant be this: Once, ever and aye, for one! THE SENSIBLE VS. THE SENTIMENTAL HESE poets take their fancy far; Now I am fond of posies, But like your cheeks just as they are; I would not have them roses. If your sweet lips were cherries red, There' 'd be a something missing, When you and I in love were wed And spent our hours in kissing. I would not have your eyes twin stars ; 'Twould take too long a day To get to them. Electric cars Don't thread the Milky Way. Your smile is just like any girl's; An angel's we ne'er see. And if your teeth were really pearls, Around your neck they'd be. No dainty and rose-tinted shell Can hear by half as far As your two ears. So, truth to tell, I want you as you are. A REPROACH O U call it a summer flirta- tion, This little affair of our hearts. To you it was exhilaration, Some practice, my dear, for your arts. To you 'tis the joke of a summer, A mock imitation of love ; And Cupid ' s a mime or a mummer To he cast aside like your glove. To you 'tis the least of romances; To me 'tis the proof of your guile. You don't know the power of your glances ; You don't know the death in your smile. AN ANALYSIS ILIES and old point lace, Diamonds set as a star. O'er all an angel face — My sweet, that's what you are. Pride of a purse-proud line, Kings of the court of gold, Deeming themselves, in fine, Made from a special mould. Soul ? ' Tis a word ttnknown To you, as well as them ; Heart ? ' Tis a piece of stone Not valued as a gem. Yes; that is all you are — Lilies and old point lace ; Diamonds set as a star, And o'er all an angel face. WAS a Louis Quator^e And she was the famed Maintenon ; And we won our fair share of applause, For she danced with the grace of a fawn. And, just like my namesake of old, I drew her apart from the rest Where the moonlight was turning to gold The worst of the town and the best. And when we came hack, on her face Grew a blush that was fair as a rose, And a new and more angelic grace Seemed to fill the famed Maintenon clothes. 8 J i®^ And I looked like a king, so they said; But 'twas more than mere co stu- mer's art, For she'd given her promise to wed, And I knew I was king of her heart. ef5?D THE REASON OU ask me why this rose has bloomed? Because my lady kissed it To what sad fate 'twould have been doomed If her fair lips had missed it ! She wears it on her snowy breast — A red heart, to my seeming, That fills my slumber with unrest — The vision of my dreaming. It would have been a blighted bud If her fair lips had missed it ; But it is filled with my heart's blood, Because my lady hissed it. ISS NANCY, seated on the grass, Thought she espied Dan Cupid; And trembled lest the god should pass, She found her life so stupid. The youth came on. He wandered by Full merrily a-singing, With roguish laughter in his eye, His lips mad rhymes a-stringing. ''Come bach, Dan Cupid; come, you must. Who are you} " cried Miss Nancy. The laughing youth said, "O, I'm just A little passing Fancy. ' ' . PROOF POSITIVE ER cheeks are red, her eyes aflame, And her lips have a curi- ous twist; She's hanging her head as though with shame, And I think that she's been kissed. One big puff sleeve is pressed quite flat ; There's a small red mark on her wrist; There's a singular tilt to her turban hat ; And I think that she ' s been kissed. So, Cupid, get your ledger and pen, And put one more on the list ; It's the proper thing to do, sir, when Another girl's been kissed. '3 /,V CUPID'S COURT E who hesitates is lost. Thus the ancient saying ran. Wandering far or tem- pest-tossed, Men have learned it to their cost Ever since the world began. In the Court of Cupid, though, Be it light of moon or sun, Be the future weal or woe, While Sir Plume is bending low, She who hesitates is won. ::^% >4 QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS % % F ripe red lips were tempt- Ff ing, And you and she— just ti Were one armchair pre-empting, Pray tell- me wfyat you'd do! Your arm would steal around her ; You'd whisper, " This is bliss." And you would not astound her If you should steal a kiss. If she were at the portal And you were passing through, Pray tell me, if you're mortal, How you would say, "'Adieu!" If she were in the shadow And you were at the door, You'd he a timid lad, O, If you'd not take one more. [<5 A SERENADE LOSE not thine eyes in slum- ber ; The moon ' s above the mill, And small stars without number Are creeping o'er the hill. And they are all complaining For sight of thy bright eyes ; Without it they are waning And dying in the skies. VALENTINE'S DAY Y lady wants a valentine — And wants it wondrous fair — To equal, quite, hei divine In beauty, and her hair. And it must picture roses, red As those that paint her lips ; And lilies to those roses wed From chin to finger-tips. But how can I, with faltering verse, Do justice to such theme ? With stubborn rhyme, with metre worse, The task doth hopeless seem. But nymphs and graces all attend ; What charms can e'er surpass Their own reflection ? None ! I'll send My love a looking-glass. 17 A CIRCUMNAVIGATION UT all the world between us, ' ' Quite vexed, my lady cried. I did, and a stone Venus Exclaimed, "You're side by side/' 18 SIR WOOD B.'S SPREE ' VE been drinking} ' ' Yes, I fear it, Or it's something very near it. Say, old chappie, why do women like to loiter at the door, When a fellow's bent on going, And his every action showing That he fears her mother's listening from the fatal second floor. I've been drinking. Yes I own it. Faith I own her. Don't condone it. I was quite intoxicated. Would that answer with the court} We were just within the shadow, Made by moonlight, soft and sad, O, And you know a little gallantry has always been my forte. >9 I've been drinking. Not of liquor, But of something that goes quicker To a dunce's cerebellum and a cow- ard's quaking heart. ' Twas the wine of ruby lips, sir, The champagne that Cupid sips, sir; And they'll soon announce the wedding of Sir Wood B. Bachelor, Bart HERE is great news from France. I can tell at a glance, Yes, hoop skirts, my dear, will be worn in the dance; But pray do you know How a latter-day beau Can dance with a girl who is hedged about so ? My Caroline In crinoline ? O, no! With an odor of scent And a smile of content Each maid will appear like a small circus tent. Where's an old beau to teach? Bring him here, I beseech, To explain how you, walt^, with a girl you can't reach. My Caroline In crinoline} No. no! THE SWEETER KIND ESP LEND EN T in her old brocade, In cosy arm-chair sitting, Her Aunt Propriety (old maid) Is busy with her knitting. And Nell is there and I am here — What mortal would not wish us A decent chance to engineer A kiss that's surreptitious? We talk of this and laugh at that, Just like old-fashioned courting ; While back there, where I wish we sat, Young Cupid is cavorting. Nell's lips are little curves of red And oh, they are delicious! By ginger! I would risk my head For kisses surreptitious ! 23 / rise and take another chair, It happens to he nearer ; Bui now dear aunty seems to stare To make her vision clearer. By accident Nell drops her fan, And I am quite officious Returning it — perhaps I can Steal kisses surreptitious. But, no! I miss her by an inch! Confound such proper spooning ! Yet, I remember, at a pinch Nell's very good at swooning. And swoon she does. While for her salts Goes aunty — both malicious — We steal three measures of a walt^ And hisses surreptitious. THE TIN-TYPE EN years since we stood there together, In the country photogra- pher's tent; Ten years, and I hardly know whether To laugh or lament. I had then of sweethearts a plenty, Though not much of the world had I seen, For I was a youngster of twenty And you were a girl of sixteen. In serio-comic flirtation We were taken together like this. ' Twas a freak of two fools in vacation To wish a tin-type of a kiss. Just a little bit bold, I am thinking ; A prank you' d not care to repeat; I still see the photographer winking As he said, "Well, by Gosh!' I'll be beat. / remember I promised that "never — ' ' With my hand on my pitiless heart, fe Another's bold glances should ever Profane this rude sample of art. ' ' In a year I'd forgotten about it; In two I'd stopped thinking of you. Did you care or despair ? Well I doubt it; And if you shed tears they were few. To-day I attended your wedding ; 'Twas the first time I'd seen you in years, And if there's to be any shedding Of saline and copious tears Those tears will be mine. For 'twas Venus Herself that walked up the broad aisle — Not you — though there fluttered be- tween us Just one wan, weird ghost of a smile. / blushed more than you did, I own it, And my heart shrank with singular pain. Ah me, if I only had known it In time to have won you again ! Too late. You had knell at the altar. Too late. You had whispered, f 7 will, While I hoped you would faint or would falter, That there might be a chance for me still. Ah, I'd take a keen joy now in sending This tin-type to him you had wed — In Paris you' re quietly spending Your honeymoon, so it is said — But no ; though it cost me a measure Of pain, 'tis the right thing to do, Lest it cost you one moment of pleasure, I'll send it to you. 27 AN AFTER-DINNER SONG FOR CHRISTMAS ING Ho, for the holly/ 1 So bright and so jolly ; And "Ho, for the ever- green clustered about. Sing "Ho, for King Christmas," From North Pole to Isthmus He ' s put all the Care-Devil army to rout. Sing "Ho, for the wassail,' 1 Ye gallants a- jostle ; And drink to the health of each ruby- lipped lass. "Sing ho, the Perfecto," Havana delecto, And take a last sip of the brown demi-tasse. 20 sing ee Ho the ladies." Their short promenade is A At end. They are waiting impatiently now. And all the fair misses, With longing for kisses, Are crying "Sing Ho, for the mistle- toe bough." 3° THEY DID NOT SPEAK O jewel crowned her shapely head, Her hair disclosed no flower; No palfrey by her hand was led ; No gallant sought her bower. Her eyes shone not, each like a gem ; Her cheeks disclosed no rose ; No heavy golden diadem Kept sunburn from her nose. She was a simple rustic lass Who wore nor shoes nor glove — And that is why he let her pass And never thought of love. 3< TV with the new love, Cupid boy, Forget the drear, old past. We want all joy, without alloy. And this love not the last. A has the love that's seldom seen And eke the love incessant. Give us the love that's evergreen — The love that's a Christmas present. 32 HIS question is what I pro- pose — A piece of learning, A knowledge that no scholar knows, For which I'm yearning. (Now you may be well taught and learned, Still, wisdom bless us!) Why is it that when love's returned It is most precious ? 33 IS the end of our summer flirtation, You say — this last -walk by the sea. I, who gave you my soul's adoration, May live broken-hearted but free. Well, I've heard of such things. But at college A fellow holds girls rather cheap. I fancy the fact is our knowledge Is not so confoundedly deep. But good-bye. I don't think I have blundered In telling mamma — she'll explain To papa — and he'll send me five hundred, To get my heart patched up again. 34 FIN DE SAISON )ere a trifle AST spring you green, A slim young thing, too young, too weak; But now you're plump as any quean, The red of autumn 's tinged your cheek. There ' s twinkling starlight in your eye, And holy lilies on your breast; And in your heart a love that I Must mention with a mad unrest. Last spring you were a modest maid In lightest pinks and whites and yellows. You're now a red-clad romping jade, And what is worse, another fellow' s. }6 A PROPOSAL that ; HEY tell me, Miss, you're the girl That broke all the hearts in Paris; That made such a singular social swirl And yet found none to marry. The Knight, the Baron, My Lord, the Duke, Were none of them to your liking. You gave them all rebuff, rebuke, While dancing, driving, biking. Well, naught care I for your triumphs galore, Your dower, or power, or pelf. Vm simply a clerk in a dry-goods store And I offer you, Miss, myself. 37 PON her maiden lips a kiss Fell like a flying star ; And bliss was added unto bliss In firmaments afar. An angel choir above the mist Let their full chorus roll, For there -was added to the list One more awakened soul. 3* WORSE AND MORE OF IT HEN I found out she had received My rival, I felt churlish, And asked her in a lone most grieved If he had not seemed girlish. "Well, not exactly like a girl," Thus answered me, my dear one, As she brushed back a saucy curl, "But he was rather near one." ANCY led my soul to-day To an island far away Where the day was al- ways morn, Where the year was always spring, Where no fearful thought was born Of ills that sad to-morrows bring. All the land was bright with flowers, Time, there, marked no fleeting hours ; Sweet music floated on the air And banished there were care and pain. But ah, my sweet, you were not there, And Love has led me back again ! 40 A QUERY E met for some unknown de- sign, And walked a little while together ; We drank loves bitter blood-red wine, And scorned life's wintry weather. To-day the sun is bright and high, The flowers are blooming, birds are singing ; But where are you — and why am I Not to your white breast winging ? 41 A WISH OVE, you are in the sun And I am in the snow — Though you and I are one Where'er we be or go; But oh, for the wings to follow The southward flight of the swallow Swift or slow! Love, you are red and warm In the tropic's torrid glow, While I in northern storm Must seek our weal or woe; But oh, for the wings to follow The southward flight of the swallow, Swift or slow! 42 COMMONPLACE OR you no lily's lustre, For you no gorgeous For you no brilliant cluster Of long-adoring men. For you but duty's doing, As sister, mother, wife. For you but simplest wooing, — For you but death and life. 43 A BREATH OF SPRING ^r\ HERE stole into my room to- day A little breath of spring, A premonition of the May And sweets that May will bring. It was a burst of woman's song, Eight little bligthesome bars — A song that speeds the world along Its pathway in the stars. It bade my heart be brave and gay, It made my soul serene ; It spurred me on by labor's way — This spring song by my queen. 44 TO A VICTIM LAD in your lilies and laces, Fair as the flower at your throat. Smiling away all the traces Of anguish you felt at his note, Who could think your heart was broken} Who could see under your smile The anguish that lies there unspoken While shrewd guessing rivals revile ? Ah ! you were the rose of the by-way He plucked in an indolent hour, To be thrown to the winds on the highway Where men struggle only for power. 45 IN SPRINGTIME WA Y go winter snows, The bees about the rose, The sun and showers Are feeding flowers, As rare as long ago 's. The breath of balmy spring, Is over everything, And oh, sweetheart Would we could part From sorrow, wing and wing. 4 6 THE DEBUTANTE RESH with the glory of an opening rose, Sweet with faint perfumes, like a flowered vale — At the first page, intent to read the tale Of human love in poetry or prose, With keen delight and yet with calm repose, How strong may be your heart and ah, how frail ? What love can it receive and what exhale ? Can it survive sore wounds? Alas, God knows! \i Yours, Beauty, is the common fate of all, To-day an angel robed in spotless white ; To-morrow all that Eve was at the fall. Struggling with us to stumble through the night — Facing a fate that might a saint appall, And dimly dreaming what is wrong 48 WHICH SHALL IT BE? HE old wind blows to the mountain, The young wind blows to the sea; The one loves the old, Grim guarders of gold, The other loves to be free. One flees to its home in the forest, Where the night-capped mountains sleep ; And one loves to sail, With the growl of the gale, To the fair lands over the deep. Ah ! which shall it be with you, my heart} — Home to your peaceful bed, Where the wind's lullaby, Like a young mother's sigh, Sings low to the sleeping dead? 49 Or, fain would you seek, in the storms of life, Some haven you know not of, Where naught shall he wrong And the whole world's throng Shall dream hut the dreams of love! 5° UNFORGOTTEN stars of old! Oh, stars of gold, What did ye there the cloud above ? Beyond the cloud, Ye wove the shroud, The lilac shroud of dying love. Oh, nights of old! Oh, nights of gold ! Oh, nights we never can regret, Though love is lost, And life star-crossed, Oh, star-strewn nights, we'll ne'er forget! 52 OLD LOVE REMEMBERED HE first red leaves of au- tumn Seem to say that I must go From the fields, where I have sought them, From the flower land to the snow. The first cold kiss I gather, From your lips of carmine hue, Seems to say that you would rather I would not pretend to you. The first white snow-flake falling On the humble daisy's bed Seems to say that Love is calling From the living to the dead. 53 OW in mine ears I heard her song. Soft on my lips I felt her kiss. And I had dreamed a whole life long Were mine, with happiness like this. My dream was one of woman's love, Of children laughing at their play ; With not one threatening cloud above A long, contented, happy day. Oh, foolish dream ! Oh, dreaming fool! My head I bow — / see the trend Of God's stern ways. I've learned the rule. His voices cry: ct The end — The end ! ' ' 54 IN BRIDAL ROBES HEY clad her in white for her life, For her life, not her death, as a wife — And now in that room, In that silence of gloom, In the white spectral light Of the dead moon at night, In those robes she lies clad Of the bride that I had, Of the bride that zvas mine, Of the woman divine Who in silk and lace dressed, To my breast I once pressed — Yes, now in the robes that she wore when we wed, They have dressed her again to be bride of the dead. 55 FOR the lilting song of the lark, O for a clear blue shy ; O to hear my soul say "Hark, There is the lark on high!" O for an end to the snow and sleet, To wind and rain on the roof, To the clangor and cries of the city street, And the haunts of the cloven hoof. O for a balmy, breezy day, With naught for the ear and eye But a lark in a field that is kissed by May And set hi an aqure sky. 50 MAY AND AID the maiden of the year, Pretty May, As she dropped a little tear By the way, "I'm all sunshine and all flowers, Tete-a-tetes in shady bowers, Making love in ruined towers Every day. " I would be the month of deeds, Said sweet May, "Deeds that all the whole world heeds — That I say. Then a voice not near nor far, Answered : "May, that' s what you are, Month of love with flower-decked car You shall stay." 57 THE SURF ON THE BEACH HE lake has its lilies all yel- low and white, And the stars like gold lily- pods dot it at night. There's an atmosphere to it of placid content, And its luring, though languid, is always well meant. But to tired folks from town, Who come hurriedly down, There ' s naught in the world half as pleasant to each As the roar, the retreat, the return, and the reach Of the surf on the beach. n)k 59 The brook has a bright merry song of its own, That it sings all aloud as it springs all alone. It hears all the secrets of whispering trees And scatters them broadcast on each vagrant breeze. But to tired folks from town, Who come hurriedly down, There's naught in the world half as pleasant to each As the roar, the retreat, the return, and the reach Of the surf on the beach. Co AT THE TICK OF THE CLOCK # VERY minute, every minute Has the whole of living in it. Some one's crying, Some one's born. Some one's dying, Old and worn. Some one's laughing, Some one's fed. Some one's chaffing, Some one's dead. Some one's hearing Love confessed. Some one's jeering Some one's jest. Some one's sorry Some one's glad. Some one's worry Drives him mad. Every minute, every minute. Has the whole of living in it. 61 OU wrought God's secretin in a way That made men pause and wonder ; That made frail women kneel and pray; That tore slaves' bonds asunder. You did your work, Shade of the Past, And victim of your glory, Unpaid, half fed, but crowned at last With wonder at your story. 62 WHO KNOWS? HEN comes that day of swift surprise, When Death throws wide his bolted bars, When night, eternal, blinds our eyes, Oh ! shall we still behold the stars ? W0T' 6 3 THREE CONTRADICTIONS NCER TAIN, coy, and hard to please You may be, Woman, al- most ever ; But certes in our hours of ease You are most passing clever. The maxim "Find the woman " seems To be a foolish plan in trouble. "Get rid of her " a wise man deems A better — lest you'd trouble double. Out on the poet, ranting fool Who could not make his verse read truer. With Woman, here's the better rule: "We first embrace, then pity, then endure. 6 4 A WARNING HERE'S some trouble now that's batching, And some fun that you have missed; And I tell yon hissing's catching, But, pray, don't he caught when kissed. There's a dainty little maiden Sent to bed by her mamma; There's a youth with learning laden Who ' s been cuffed by his papa. There's a lengthy consultation That is held upon their plight, And their little osculation Has been all the fun to-night. It was just behind the curtain While the orchestra played low. (Of the fact I am most certain. For her mother told me so.) 66 They had finished then their dancing. And he looked so strong and brave, And she looked so quite entrancing When the little kiss she gave ; But right near them were conversing, Papa, mamma, unafraid, Widow, widower, rehearsing The same trick the youngsters played. So with double pairs a-matching, And with Cupid to assist, They can tell you kissing s catching — But, pray, don't be caught when kissed. 67 Y love is a lassie of lovely nineteen I And I am a bachelor of (^ fifty- | No handsome young fellow can come (f in between, For I have been thoughtful and thrifty. Chorus — I'm quite at ease, Laugh as you -please — I'll warrant I'm proof against death or disease. She may think I am doomed to an earlier grave Than she, with her blushes and beauty ; But I shall continue to scrimp and to save, I think it a matter of duty. Chorus — 6c There's many a widow would wed, Provided she's loaded with money. But I'm not the sort of a chap that is hied Of his saccharine, succulent honey. Chorus — So here's to my blushing and blithe- some young bride, The petulant beauty I hoped for ; And here's to the fellow thai she cast aside — The fellow she would have eloped for. Chorus — I'm quite at ease, Laugh as you please — /'// warrant I'm proof against death or disease. 6 9 RELIEF T last (thank the Church and kind Heaven !) it's Lent. My bank account's gone and my money all spent At last, quite alone, o'er the city I roam And leave Arabella a-sighing at home. Six weeks now to save — nay, I do not impute Saving souls, but to save for a proper Spring suit. Six weeks to repent— of some words I have spoken. Six weeks now to pray — that the bond may be broken. 7 o Boy Cupid, Young Dan, I implore you, forsooth, Attract her young heart to some church-going youth. There's Just time enough ere the com- ing of Spring — And suggest — er — ahem — her re- turning my ring. 71 LD Moneybags is eyeing me With apoplectic frown, A holiday denying me — And my town, best girl's in My heart is going pitty-pat And bobbing up and down, Like any nervous kitty-cat — For my best girl's in town. And in these credits sad mistakes I make, just like a clown. With debits I play ducks and drakes- For my best girl's in town. 7- A PEERLESS MAID ONLY saw her sweet hair, But still I know no fairer maiden E'er sat upon a parquet chair, With lilies, lace and jewels laden. Last night it was, and at the play — The first I'd seen in all my life; Erstwhile girls' hats were in the way, With feathers, birds and ribbons rife. A tasteful coiffure did she wear ; To fellow man she knew her duty. I only saw her sweet bach hair, But I will swear she was a beauty. 73 74 AN AFFAIR ^HEIR minds were intent on "powder " and "ball/' And they made prepara- tion with care ; Bui never a fear made them shiver at all Or lifted in terror their hair . Were they two duellists waiting the fray That would send them to Heaven or Hades} Were they two gallants who thought it quite gay To go out and fight for the ladies ? Were they two rivals with purpose confessed — Nay j let this surmising stop. They were two girls getting skilfully dressed For the gay season' s most select hop. 75 HEN I remember all the girls That in my life I've kissed, And all the opportunities For kissing that I've missed, It makes my soul feel very sore, It fills my heart with pain ; I'd never lose a single chance If I could live again. HEY say there's a servant to Cupid, Whose duty it is to keep track Of the number of kisses That Misters and Misses Are giving each other. Ker-smack ! As a dutiful man who is married, I think that he ought to find time, This keeper of blisses, To also watch Mrs. You may fit any name to the rhyme. : ' f j&~>j *?J!, 77 HE'S a girl of address — (Now my tale is begun) She's not happy, I guess, But I know her address, So I'll have lots of fun. She's a girl of a dress, For she has only one. (Now my tale is quite done.) OUNG ladies, when you ^ chanced to weep, If all the little tears Should turn to pearls, now would you keep Them all, my pretty dears } Or would you give them to the man You promised to obey ? For if you would, all of you can Wed me, and weep all day. A REPLY OU ask me, darling girl, if I, Should you refuse me, Would take some -weapon grim and die? Well, you amuse me. I'd live to learn from Mm you chose, That other fellow, And from his life, "couleur de rose/' Or sickly yellow, What mine had been, what I'd have done Had you been kinder ; Had the good parson made us one, And love been blinder. 8i OW the gentle Spring bath come, And the bards begin to hum, In many metred verse, of " 'trees ' ' and "breeze/' {Which iv as written in their rooms, To make slight financial booms, And when rhymes that were more apt were "wheeze" and "sneeze.") By the grace of patent "powers/' We shall hear of "showers,'' "flow- ers," "bowers." And "heart so true" will still be rhymed with "you"; "Her blush" will bring a "flush," Ex-necessitate "hush" And lovers, you can bet, will "coo" and "woo/' 82 Oh, would some learned sage, In a literary rage, Change our language so that we could have new rhymes! 3 Twould save full many a life, It might make full many a wife, And even might reform these awful times. 83 IN DIFFERENT WAYS \HEN Simpkinsduff tried to propose And prove his love de- vout, The maiden, Flintley's daughter Rose, Most kindly helped him out. She whispered "Yes," began to sing "I'm thine to all intents," And ordered an engagement ring From Tiff's at his expense. But when he asked her father dear, Papa forgot his gout, And roughly grabbed him by the ear And gruffly "helped him out." 84 N a little back room at our club Most skillfully (ah, there's the rub ! ) We practise the arts, Spades, clubs, diamonds and hearts, We try to see which we can "draiv." With the room in a general hush, Sans palette or pencil or brush, With a very free "hand" And a smile that is bland, We try to see what we can "draw." Our artists draw curious things — Draw "ladies" and "bullets" and "kings." And, sometimes, to "bluff" We pile up the "stuff ' ' When we've failed to improve in the "draw." W H % Most inquisitive artists are we, g And often pay dearly to "see" What we wish we had not, When we're lacking a spot In the thing we've attempted to •" "draw." And sometimes we go home " dead broke, ' ' Or put our repeater in "soak." And sometimes, also, We take all the "dough," And then upon "velvet" we "draw." 86 HAT is home without a mother ? ' ' Tear the dear old motto down ; In its place hang quite another, Stitched in worsted, framed in brown. There's another woman — dearer, Harder far to keep and please ; And some day that's coming nearer We'll adore her on our knees. While sobs choke your epiglottis, Far the dear old legend hurl ; Hang another, namely: "What is Home without a servant girl} " 87 HAD a friend, a dear good \ friend, Who owned a clothing store. I chose a suit and said, "Please send The same and charge my. score. ' ' He answered, "Ah; I understand;" I turned then to depart, When he gave me a grip of his large glad hand And— showed me the marble heart. An actor owed me dollars ten, And I had been broke a week. The ghost had walked for him just then — Just as I chanced to speak Of my poverty, in a tone most bland, With some praises of his art ; The actor gave me the large glad hand And showed me the marble heart. 88 / loved a girl with cheeks of pink ; She wore my diamond ring. And oh, she loved me !—I don t think — ft And never did a thing To me, when I proposed so grand, But say that we must pari. She wouldn't give me her small glad hand,- But she showed me the matble heart. ^ THE BELLS (A bridged and amended.) EAR the sledges with bells, Silver bells, About which Mr. Poe so gaily tells. I could curse their tinkle, tinkle, In the icy air of night, For my heart they oversprinkle With the chilliness of spite ; For Augustus Montmorency Clifford Havemeyer White Has had the gall to take my girl to ride with him to-night. 91 Oh, Augustus, if I had you where the hair is rather short, Montmorency, if I had you thus there' d be a legal tort ; Oh, Clifford, if I caught you in some dark and lonely place, Then, Havemeyer, you'd be the last of all your lordly race ? I'd draw my trusty cutter, and. I'd give my vengeance rein, And they'd catalogue your carcass, White, among the unknown slain ! \ i 92 That caused your tears to flow. But I still will sing the old song- Though it may cause you pain- I still will sing the old song: Will you lend a V again ? A REJECTED EPIC THE CHAUNCIAD {Offered by the Shade of A lexander Pope to the New York "Herald'" i?i competition for Si, 000 Prize.) ELOPED Muse, rise glori- ous to my theme, That I thereby may win tV " Her 'Id's" esteem. I do not seek the length of largest tome, I merely wish to write a narrative pome. Give me your guide, nor reck me real renown, I seek to sing great Chauncey of our town. I plead to praise our undeterminate Doc, Who wins his way with after-dinner talk ; The greatest of our ultra pop 'lar men — Some angel guide the labor of my pen ! 94 Once was he born, and born while yet a lad, Nor did he die, else had been mortals sad. He lived a lusty lunged and lordly boy, His comrades' chieftain and his par- ents' joy. He played with girls, but eke a bach remained, Of purpose upright and esteem un- stained. He grew apace as he ate pies apiece And learned the lays of regal Rome and Greece. To college went he in his later 'teens, A youth of plenty 'midst sophomoric scenes, Though he did Keep his scudi safe and sound, And 'gan, through learning, to be most renowned. 95 Drank he the pristine, pure, Pierian spring, Yet made reft rafters with his laugh- ter ring. Eke he began to jolly fellow-men, As Hood did melancholy with his pen. At length he took his coveted degree . And went forth in the world an LL.D. Prepared now for prosperous busi- ness life, He sailed with silly sallies to the strife ; Plebeians laughed, prcetorians guf- fawed, And ever after all of us hee-hawed. He cultivated an extensive smile That reached from end to end a half- a-mile ; Became in time, without suspic'n of guilt, The pres 'dent of the lines that Zan- der built ; 96 , And ever since has speaked and spoked and speecbed On all occasions when the eagle screeched ; (I And always when old Eli's sons give meals We hear his version of their woes and weals ! To-day, admiring all intent are bent On making him our next new presi- dent. Some there may be who scoff at him and laugh, And fill their journals with cheap, churlish chaff. But most are people who prefer their fawncies — Elect or e'en eject, they'll take their Chauncies. 97 AID one girl to another, "Poob! you are tailor- made. And likewise is your mother In all her silks arrayed. "Perhaps," replied the latter, With a cutting little smile, "You were fashioned by a hatter, — You're a stove-pipe as to style." 98 THE STREET LAMPS HE stars are in the streets to-night, The rain is on the roof ; And, galloping in height of might, The wind is on the hoof. The stars are in the streets to-night ; But they're not stars of love ; And they'll not guide the sinner right, Like God's own stars above. The stars are in the streets to-night, The clouds above are black; But wait, the stars of God so bright Will surely all come back. N Winter she is As the snow, For she's ever, without fail, On the go. For the dinners and the dance Steal the glitter from her glance, And leave her with a visage full of woe. But the Summer and the Fall Bring a change, That is wonderful, that's all, And quite strange. Then her cheeks take ruddy tints, In her eye a diamond glints, And her laugh is happiness throughout its range. IOI ^A GRAMMATICAL QUESTION THERE is something amiss With the grammar of kiss. The fact I proclaim from the house-top. ' Tis this : A word-slinging cuss Says a kiss is a "buss. ,J Now a question I twist — Quite sincerely, I trust — When a girl has been kissed, Has she also been bust? J A i EN have come here from the strife of the "street/' To kneel at your feet. Men have come here from the strug- gle for place, To ga%e at your face. Men have come here — ah yes, thou- sands of miles, For one of your smiles. Men have come here at their own dearest choice, To list to your voice. Men have come here for their lesson in woe, To hear you say "No." Is there one here — may I hazard a guess — Who shall hear you say (f Yes ' ' ? 103 OU may sneer at thought of spirit, Or of ghost, or aught that's near it, But I fear it — ah, I fear it, And it haunts me everywhere. See — those eyes awake with wonder As her heart first learned its blunder And we tore our souls asunder — See the long dishevelled hair. * Tis the ghost of love that haunts me, ' Tis her mocking smile that taunts me, 'Tis her look of hate that daunts me, ' Tis the ghost of love that's dead. 'Nevermore shall I behold her, Or in timid arms enfold her, Or, with rapture growing bolder, Rain my kisses on her head. 104 For this ghost it is of my love, And she cannot hear my cry : "Love, Still be with me till we die, Love ! * ' Though her love is living still. She has only locked and chained it; Into silence she has trained it Till the world thinks she disdained it, And applauds her woman's will. I i $ io 5 FACT VS. FANCY HA T, tell me the rivers come from the rain ? There isn't rain enough. Tell me they come with that \ soft refrain From that glacial powder puff? Nonsense; rivers are angels' tears Shed at the sins of man. {Millions a minute, the preacher fears,) But he can't count them up — who can ? So, let us wait on the sea-washed sand Till the dim dusk flees to the light; Then we shall hear the sobs of the hand Of angels who weep at night. THE FIRST DEAD NTO the pearly mists space The first dead sought way ; And, coming upon the Master ' s face, Knelt down, abashed, to pray. "Rise up, ' ' the Master quickly spake, " World-child, and the world's first slain, And tell me : if you had choice to take, Say, would you live again ? J ' Eagerly answered the first wan shade: "Joy have I known and pain ; But life is heaven — when so it's made. Yes, I would live again. ' ' "And what would you be, ' ' the Mas- ter cried, "Child, man, or maid, or wife} " "Anything," answered the first who died, " So I may have sweet life. " 107 MY FAULT LOVED a sweet and win- some maid Of very high degree, And unto Cupid oft I prayed To win the maid for me. He failed ; I found him in his lair, Asleep, with idle how. "You la^y scamp," I cried, "I swear You aim too high or low. You aim, I fancy, at her feet, Or yet up to the sky. ' ' Said Cupid, with reply most neat, <( 'Tis you that aim too high." 10S O, the sun lies down to rest In his bed — In his pillows, all like billows Turned to red. And his arms, like pinkish bars, Seem to reach up to the stars, And to light them ere the West Hides his head. ® - I09 WHEN IN LOVE W love it would be very veil; We do attest and eke agree us, If we could tut forget oursel' And "See oursel' s as itbers see us. " But it is well; and none say nay, In love — oh yes, 'tis very well — That others, when they glance our way, Don't see us as we "see oursel'." BUTTERNUTS SING of the nut that is King of them all, And the tree that it grows on, so stately and tall. Let its fame he revered, let its name be renowned: Butternuts! Better nuts Never were found. They're hardest to crack, And they're hardest to pick. Your fingers get black — Eat too many, you're sick. They 're ragged and rough, and they're not very round: Butternuts ! Better nuts Never were found. Their meat is the whitest; Their flavor's divine, Their kernel's the lightest E'er washed down by wine. % Ah, Butternut, you shall be King of Nuts crowned: Butternuts ! Better nuts Never were found. \P *3 THE FIRST AND WORST DAM, in but one sense Eve tempted thee: Her very innocence begat desire, Thine infamous flames fanned into furious fire That frightened her, and made her fear to see. Eve was no temptress, for she could not be, Save she was beautiful, with beauty dire, And innocent at Innocence's pyre, And fled thee not when God pro- claimed His ire. 114 Oh coward father, first and worst of all! Oh liar, see the crop sprung from thy seed! And then behold mans heraldry of shame! Yea, till to-day, thy sons repeat the call Of shame on Eve, guiltless of the deed, And give all honor to thy cursed name. LEST WE, TOO, FORGET YE, let our eagle soar on high And scream exultant there — The monarch of the Western sky, The emperor of the air. Let him have liberty to roam North, South, and East or West ; But let him not forget that home Is the first place and best. Let him exultant be and proud ; But, as he wings his way, Let him forget, above the cloud, That he is a bird of prey. 116 A THEORY ISE man, tell me, what are the stars } Now, none of your science bluster. I want the knowledge that breaks the bars, Walks in and picks a cluster. What! You don't know} Then I'll tell you, If you'll bend your head and listen: They're the souls of the dead. You've lost a few ; I can see your old eyes glisten. All through the night they watch the world, For the night is when we need them; All through the day in their beds they're curled ; (But I wonder when they feed them) .