ss^lliAi 
 
 BookJliiiAA 
 
 CoipghtN" mj_ 
 
 COPY'RIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
THE MOONLIGHT BANQUET 
 
THE MOONLIGHT 
 BANQUET 
 
 A COMEDY 
 
 By Lewis Prather Puterbaugh 
 
 1910 
 
 THE TOTEM PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 New York 
 
T5 3^3» 
 
 Copyright, 1910, 
 
 By L. P. PUTERBAUGH 
 
 Dramatic Presentation. 
 
 Permitted only by Agreement 
 
 with the Author 
 
 THE TUDOR PRESS 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 'GI.A2(;8Vjo6 
 
TO THE READER 
 
 The Moonlight Banquet is a satire on flam- 
 bouyant speaking. The moral is that the poor should 
 be remembered. 
 
 In justice to myself I wish to declare that I had the 
 idea of having animals think and speak before Rostand's 
 play was produced. 
 
 L. P. PUTERBAUGH. 
 
 North Yakima, Washington. 
 
THE MOONLIGHT BANQUET 
 
 Bullock Star 
 
 First Steer Leading Man 
 
 First Cow Leading Woman 
 
 Second Steer Villain 
 
 FouRT H Steer Flambouy ant 
 
 Third Heifer „ Sentimental 
 
THE MOONLIGHT BANQUET 
 
 Bullock, Head of the Herd. 
 Steers, First, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth. 
 Heifers, First, Second, Third and Fourth. 
 Calves, First, Second, and Third. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene I. — Squire Brown's green pasture field near 
 a cotton-wood grove on the Arkansas river bottom in 
 eastern Colorado. 
 
 Time — Spring. 
 
 Enter all hut Fifth Steer, Fourth Heifer, Third and 
 Fourth Cows, and Third Calf. Enter high spirited with 
 much frolicking, chasing and hutting one another for a 
 few moments, then quiet down. 
 
 Bullock — So ho ! at last we're given our liberty 
 To chase and gambol on the meadow field 
 And give our bubbling spirits full wide swing 
 In this our joyous Spring-time festival. 
 
 First Steer — No more corrals and living on 
 Alfalfa hay, and with no change of diet. 
 Now for green grass, then more green grass! 
 
 Rest of Herd — Just so ! 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Heifer — (As all begin gracing) 
 
 This grass so green and juicy doth excite 
 The flow of gastric juice, and brings to us 
 The sense of gratifying our ambition 
 Two-fold, though thus so prematurely, 
 As though one act were not enough to fill 
 Our stretching paunches. 
 
 Second Steer — Philosophy for you ; 
 
 But grass for me : 'Twere well to meditate 
 On abstract things, when concrete is dismissed. 
 
 First Heifer — Gratification then, I take from you. 
 Is not concrete : thus you commit yourself. 
 And so exchange, at your expense, my point 
 For blissful ignorance. {Turns saucily away.) 
 
 Second Steer — (Aside) — That's one on me; 
 But I will even her — the jade. 
 
 Third Steer — It serves you well ; hereafter weigh your 
 words 
 And speak not hastily; for even though 
 We're in the midst of joyous festival 
 Occuring naturally in the cycle 
 Of our existence, your quick bluntness 
 Would have more weight, and serve you better 
 If spoken in some leveling disaster. 
 
 First Cow— (Butts Second Steer) 
 
 Indeed we are the sole possessors 
 
 Of unalloyed joy which is so considered 
 
 10 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 By that pert magpie in yon cottonwood, 
 Harshly and shrilly uttering commands 
 To other feathered tribe, so haughtily, 
 That seemingly, he were indulging 
 In some ambition highly to our credit — 
 Selfish marauder that he is. 
 
 Second Cow — {To First Cow) 
 
 If judging from the frolics of our calves 
 Disporting on the river bottom green. 
 Antics were better savored than the grass 
 Which is not so appealing to young kind 
 As it is in maturity of flesh 
 Since milk is relished more than vegetation 
 To off-spring not yet used to the ways 
 Of grown up bovine kind. 
 
 First Cow — Fresh grass for us 
 
 Will make our calves more strong and straight, 
 Lengthen their necks and legs; then grass will be 
 
 more liked 
 To appetites now whetted by racing. 
 
 Second Calf — {To First Calf of First Cow) 
 
 Though young and novices in the art of racing 
 We'll handicap ourselves and race the river 
 Across the pasture field — two times at that, 
 And then we'll beat the river Arkansas. 
 
 First Calf — Just so ! away we go ! 
 
 {Calves race up and down, while the two cows 
 watch fondly. Calves re-enter and join the cows.) 
 
 II 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Heifer — {To Third Heifer) 
 
 I wonder if they could be called upon 
 To breast the Arkansas and swim across, 
 Then back again without their weakening. 
 Methinks they could not. 
 
 Third Heifer — No; their timidity 
 
 Would ill their cause to breast the stream 
 Just when cool heads and strong resolve 
 Would turn the tide among experienced. 
 Let's to the river, and imbibe some drink. 
 
 Second Heifer — Agreed! for company is better 
 Than drinking alone, and our dialogue 
 More entertaining than solitude. {Exit both to river) 
 
 Fourth Steer — Propitious to our own cause of joy- 
 ousness 
 Incident to our feasting sumptuously 
 On the greensward, there is the feeling 
 Of exultant joy and unalloyed sense 
 Of pleasure that we have inaugurated 
 The gayest season of the year in which 
 The singing birds give voice in cheerful tones, 
 Swelling their breasts and chirping Easter songs ; 
 Flying from tree to tree in matin song : 
 Bird frolics, as it were in imitation 
 Of our manceuvers in this pasture. 
 
 Bullock — Right well you have expressed the sentiment 
 On this occasion of festivity, 
 
 12 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Though in a manner, somewhat flambouyantly ; 
 
 For where is there in all the realm of Nature 
 
 A scene more pleasing to behold, and one 
 
 In which the force of confined enthusiasm 
 
 Doth overflow as if it were released 
 
 From its compressed potentiality: 
 
 Witness, the gamboling on springing turf 
 
 When first we entered ; the chasing and the butting ; 
 
 The racing of young calves ; some merriment 
 
 For each and all, while hurriedly eating — 
 
 Sampling the grass ! oh no ! for well we know 
 
 The qualities of palate-tickling grass — 
 
 The snatching, here and there, of bits of tender 
 
 blades 
 Does only manifest our eager spirits. 
 
 First Steer — Quiet is now enveloping the herd 
 Like mist descending from the clouded sky, 
 And eating grass is now the purpose, 
 Though exercising serves well its intention. 
 
 First Cow — 'Tis well that calves should exercise them- 
 selves ; 
 But when their muscles stiffen, and bones harden 
 They will become more like their mothers, 
 
 Second Cow — Their exercising is a double joy; 
 For joy for them is joy for us in that 
 Beholding, we remember all our days of youthful 
 fun. 
 
 13 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Steer — That they don't break their necks is for- 
 tunate, 
 As they indulge themselves in scampering, 
 Chasing each other, racing hard and fast. 
 
 First Cow — (Butts and runs Second Steer from scene) 
 Take that and run a little now for yourself. 
 
 {Turns to Bullock) 
 But for his awkwardness he might defend 
 Himself — he knoweth not his powers. 
 
 Bullock — Although he's awkward, careless too, that 
 
 hinders 
 Him not, apparently, from happiness. 
 Third Steer — He verily believes in following 
 The maxim thus : where ignorance is bliss 
 *Tis folly to be wise ; companion he 
 To our Third Heifer, though much more cross than 
 
 she — 
 A pair of oddities; yoke them together, and where 
 
 would they go? 
 The one to forge ahead, the other stay; 
 Weighed in the balance, strength of brute is down : 
 Going ahead with pace of slowing snail. 
 
 First Heifer — Methinks the Second Heifer knows that 
 too; 
 For she accompanied the timid thing 
 Down to the river. 
 
 Bullock — Thirsty? well, no matter. 
 
 {Calves begin a frolic, and leave scene) 
 
 14 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Cow — {To Second Cow) 
 
 We'll have to hurry after our young calves. 
 
 Second Cow — That's what we will. {Exit hath cows) 
 
 {Second Steer re-enters, and also Second and 
 Third Heifers) 
 
 First Heifer — It seems that frolics are anxieties — 
 Anxieties perhaps, though intermingled 
 With certain reservation of allowance 
 Sanctioning possible infractions 
 Of duties properly belonging to calves, 
 Which when broken cause no reprimand. 
 
 Third Heifer — Sires to their dams, and no illusion either. 
 See there ! the cows are in the wake of calves 
 Who lead like will-o'-wisps around the field — 
 And not all exercising either. 
 
 Second Heifer — Precaution, though, is very well to take 
 By the discerning and experienced. 
 Should anything of moment ill betide 
 The frolicsome and innocent young stock 
 During their guardian's slack vigilance, 
 Bad feelings and remorse would issue forth 
 From ill bestowed responsibility. 
 
 Third Steer — A certain independence, though, is best. 
 Being forerunner to initiative 
 Without the which achievement is relaxed: 
 Better some risk of present injury 
 Than future incapacity of strength; 
 For well they know how vigilance is cheated — 
 
 15 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Bullock — And make the cows run over time. 
 
 Second Steer — Fine sport 
 
 For calves to run at random here and there — 
 
 Bullock — And make the cows feel young again. 
 
 First Steer — When calves grow tired, then the cows will 
 eat, 
 Unless too tired to stand and earn their food: 
 Then resting while and eat in low of sun. 
 Methinks the calves less novices than the cows 
 Who soon will learn to eat instead of run, 
 And taper off in fooHshness. 
 
 Second Steer — I think 
 
 However, that the more foolishness that we 
 
 Can improvise and so incorporate 
 
 Into our celebration of this day 
 
 Will be appropriate in general 
 
 To the exceeding joyousness of spirit 
 
 Which this day has precipitated. 
 
 Bullock — Oh ho ! 
 
 Here is some language that would well become 
 Our brilliant comrade, the Fourth Steer. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Flow'ry; 
 
 Yes, that I must confess, though coloring 
 
 Of simple things would sure not make them worse. 
 
 The peacock, in his highly colored plumes, 
 
 Is nothing but a bird in common form. 
 
 i6 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Then on the other hand, the harsh voiced crow, 
 
 If beautifully garbed in peacock coat, 
 
 Would tend to melodize his shrill pitched caw. 
 
 Third Heifer — Nature though, tends to uniformity 
 In the arrangement of materials 
 Blending harmoniously in the whole 
 And not in the discordance of rude jar. 
 
 First Steer — Cease such absurdities. Accept the crow 
 Just as he is. Injustice ! to the crow. 
 His raven jet black coat does well become 
 The air line bird of wild and target frame. 
 Would you diversify his coloring? 
 A variegated target then were he 
 If such sheer foolishness were dominant 
 In his creation. 
 
 Third Steer — Idle foolishness. 
 
 Full stomachs the creator of this talk. 
 Forsooth, pleasant surroundings do incite 
 Vainglorious and idle dream-like talk. 
 Corrals and dry hay are now dismissed from view. 
 
 Bullock — Let be ! They are 'mid joyous gayety. 
 Now is the high tide until come perfect days ; 
 And idle dreams do justice to the grass, 
 Which ruminating bovines only know 
 Induce both addition and subtraction — 
 Addition as regards dream-like creations; 
 Subtraction then of recollections past 
 Involving multiplicity of thoughts 
 
 17 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Divided 'mong our profit sharing kind. 
 
 Is gastric juice entrancing to your mind? 
 
 Is there enthroned oblivion of action? 
 
 Are you forgetful of the river? 
 
 Methinks it is good policy to drink 
 
 Now that the novelty of eating grass 
 
 Has passed meridian. Indeed two have already. 
 
 Then let's away down to the river. 
 
 First — What say the others? 
 
 All but Second and Third Heifers 
 
 (First Steer leading, others following, Second 
 Heifer next to last, and Third Heifer last. Second and 
 Third Heifers trail along slozvly. All begin slow song) : 
 
 Down to the river, 
 
 Down to the river, 
 
 Drinking the water. 
 
 Drinking the water — 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 Scene II. — Entire herd reposing at noon in the 
 shade of cottonwood trees on the river bottom, near the 
 pasture, some chewing their cuds. 
 
 Ti M E — Mid- Summer. 
 
 Bullock — Now that Old Sol is working overtime, 
 These giant cottonwoods are friendly shelter 
 In times of greatest need, and all of us 
 Owe them a debt of gratitude. 
 
 i8 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Cow — The calves, 
 
 No less than we ourselves, appreciate 
 
 The friendly shade, and voice their thankful hearts 
 
 In such a manner that is undisputable : 
 
 Witness, their lying here when we depart 
 
 To graze, and their first coming here at noon. 
 
 Second Cow — Indeed, the calves are now grown old 
 enough 
 To understand full well the reason for't. 
 But still they won't, until compelled to see 
 That their dependence must cease to exist, 
 Only in a mutual co-operation. 
 
 First Calf — One can find plenty of time to eat without 
 Sweltering in the sun and thus expose 
 One's self to inconvenience. Oh, the comfort 
 Which these large trees luxuriously give. 
 
 Second Calf — Does not the Squire himself lie in the 
 shade 
 More than the usual one hour at noon. 
 And days, too, when the heat is not too great 
 For him to labor at his daily work. 
 Indeed, some days all afternoon, the Squire 
 Sleeps in the shade, or smokes his corn-cob pipe — 
 He's not above leisure and idle moments ; 
 His larder does not suffer either. 
 
 First Heifer — A shrewd reply, involving cunning truth. 
 Its application does not shorten life ; 
 
 19 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 For thorns themselves, without perfuming flowers, 
 Will sure invite the loss of much in gain ; 
 A penny wise, but pound in foolishness. 
 
 First Steer — A doctrine true, but limited in scope, 
 Depending on ability of one 
 To manage his affairs in competition 
 With those much skilled in scheming for the pounds. 
 
 Third Steer — Philosophy of sage ; but still far short. 
 The Squire in idling, does not scheme for pounds. 
 His lack of strenuousness is food for him. 
 These calves are wise in saving selves just when 
 To run in glare of sun would do them harm. 
 
 Second Steer — As if they were to run instead to eat — 
 
 First Heifer — They should consult their pleasures on this 
 point. 
 Are they as old and as experienced 
 As are their watchful guardians? 
 
 Second Steer — Sires to their dams ! this has been proven. 
 (All except calves laugh heartily at First Heifer.) 
 
 Third Steer — Even! 
 
 And I trust not exciting anger. 
 
 First Heifer — Fair play should leave no sting. 
 
 Third Heifer — Quiet repose is more congenial 
 In peaceful meditation than in fury. 
 When in the shade of friendly cottonwoods, 
 The swimming lines of hazy heat do calm, 
 
 20 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 And are a soothing balm to our warm blood 
 Mad, rushing from excessive heat of sun, 
 The dancing, quivering heat-radiations 
 Cob-web our eyes and slow the brain to dream. 
 When we may dream of far-off bovine land 
 Where all may rest in shade of rural glen ; 
 Where running waters sparkle in the stream. 
 And all is lovely verdure, carpet-turf 
 Growing, for us, fresh grass all through the year. 
 
 First Cow — Fanciful pictures are like lullabies 
 Sung in the ears of growing calves like ours. 
 See there, the calves with outstretched heads on 
 
 ground, 
 All care dismissed into the realm of sleep, 
 While others nod until the rising cuds 
 Dispel the drowsiness of lounging shade. 
 There could be nothing more appropriate 
 On this occasion of our nodding heads 
 Than to have selections sung by our quartet. 
 Which will, no doubt, arouse our sleeping state 
 From threatening oblivion in dreams, 
 (Which may be well deferred until the night) 
 Into a wide-awake experience. 
 
 First Steer — The idea exactly ; what say you ? 
 
 (All but Calves, Bullock, Third Steer, First Heifer, 
 
 and Second Cow in unison) : 
 Let's have the quartet sing. 
 
 21 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Bullock — In justice to ourselves, and to yourselves, 
 We will withdraw, shadeward, for some rehearsal. 
 (Exit Bullock, Third Steer, First Heifer and Second 
 Cow.) 
 
 First Cow — While I dislike to rouse the calves from 
 sleep, 
 Knowing that slumber doth beget sweet dreams, 
 Yet I do feel that calves should early learn 
 To sing, thus learn to qualify themselves 
 Toward attaining higher prominence 
 In the society of their own choosing. 
 Therefore I do not deem it a transgression 
 To rouse them from their sleep. 
 (Goes and butts each calf.) 
 Stand ho! young calves 
 And then construe it wise to do as told. 
 It is not hard to do; just sing your song — 
 I mean the song entitled : Your Duet. 
 (Calves advance, and stand together and sing) : 
 
 THE DUET 
 
 I. When frisky calves are young and gay. 
 All Nature breathes a holiday ; 
 And ev'rywhere we frisk and roam 
 Imparts the atmosphere of home ; 
 Be it in sun or else in shade, 
 Good place for us is always made. 
 
 22 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Then merry, merry, make the day, 
 Since Nature is on hoHday. 
 Sing high, sing low, away we go 
 And where no one should care to know, 
 For we are sole possessors here 
 Of all that is esteemed most dear. 
 
 2. This is as it should be regarded 
 That Nature should not be retarded 
 In anything that might conduce 
 
 To have all song and mirth let loose 
 
 For our especial favor here 
 
 In tones of meaning most sincere. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. Let Nature then attire herself 
 
 In costly garb not bought with pelf, 
 
 And let the panorama spread 
 
 All 'round the earth from foot to head ; 
 
 And thus array herself to view 
 
 The frolics of her heroes new. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 {Calves bow, and retire a fciv steps, and lie down. 
 Hearty applause by stamping follows.) 
 
 First Cow — You'll have to sing again, my calves ; get up, 
 And then rehearse your song entitled: 
 When Two Plus Two Are Equal Four. 
 
 23 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 (Calves advance again and sing) : 
 
 1. When meadow larks are warbling clear, 
 And bull frogs croaking by the score, 
 We know that gayety is here 
 
 When two plus two are equal four. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Then two plus two are equal four 
 Without our counting them on ground : 
 For that we knew here long before 
 Our A B C's were brought around. 
 
 2. When Nature is on holiday, 
 And dresses up on vale and hill, 
 We know that time will speed away. 
 And we can gallop where we will. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. When owls at night are hooting near, 
 And coyotes yipping on the range, 
 We need not have a cause to fear 
 Since two plus two we can arrange. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 4. No fear we have in sun or rain ; 
 Nothing of ill can us betide; 
 For happiness doth ever reign 
 Wherever joy is not denied. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 24 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 {Calves retire, and lie dozvn. More hearty applause 
 by stamping.) 
 
 First Cow — Right well you sing in company now here. 
 You'll have to learn more songs for your encore. 
 Then the quartet will gladly share your fame 
 Which, I believe, will be no less than theirs. 
 
 Fourth Steer— (Aside) Now is the high-tide of my 
 
 career. 
 (Stands up, and speaks with great deliberation and 
 
 inspiration.) 
 Magnificently have they sounded the knell 
 Which should peal forth to all the earth around 
 That we possess the grandest singers here 
 Of all the earth. And as the dying note 
 Of the reverberating bell dies out 
 Fainter and fainter in the echoing, 
 These calves stand unchallenged in their sphere, 
 That they can send dismay into the hearts 
 Of all contending calves who might engage 
 In competition of ennobling song. 
 They are, forsooth, the just embodiment 
 Of grand and lofty song which the quartet 
 Will send forth to mingle with the heavens, 
 And roll as chariots among the clouds 
 Like thunder rolling in the universe. 
 
 Second Steer — (Aside) A chance for me, to practice, 
 too. 
 (Stands up and speaks fervently.) 
 
 2S 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 This thunder rolHng in the universe 
 
 Must be associated with the Hghtning 
 
 BHnding the eyes of all contending factors 
 
 Who might essay to meet this gifted band 
 
 In song, or in grand eloquence of speech. 
 
 Eulogy is of little consequence 
 
 In my commenting on this grand oration 
 
 Brief though it is, yet lofty in conception. 
 
 Pardon me, comrade, for manipulating 
 
 With such momentous figures of speech. 
 
 Then allow me to state in closing, 
 
 That I believe that in the corridors 
 
 Of time, your names shall be enrolled among 
 
 The earth's most eloquent and brilliant names — 
 
 Yea, even chiseled in the marbled halls 
 
 Of fame, which time will not destroy unless 
 
 Buried beneath the ruins of an earthquake. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Your eulogy, while very flattering, 
 On my behalf, is not too flattering 
 If spoken in connection with the calves. 
 
 First Steer — Methinks too much indulgence in strong 
 speech ; 
 Better the simple tongue without 
 The extra frills. Let's rise and stretch ourselves. 
 Then think about a change in program. 
 
 (All but calves rise.) 
 
 Second Heifer — I know what we will do for our amuse- 
 ment. 
 
 26 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Let's ask conundrums. We should think of some. 
 First Steer— The very thing ; that will be some change. 
 
 ' (All lie dozvn again.) 
 Second Heifer— Why is the Arkansas like a wild 
 
 bronco ? 
 Second Steer — Because it shows its sand ? 
 
 Second Heifer— That's partly true, but not my answer. 
 Because it's treacherous. 
 
 Third Heifer — Why is that river 
 Like the night-hooting owl? 
 {All think awhile.) 
 
 First Cow — We give it up. 
 
 Third Heifer — Because it can see. 
 
 Second Calf — Oh I know one, too ! 
 
 Why could the Arkansas be likened unto 
 The game called tug-of-war? 
 {All think awhile) 
 
 First Calf — Because it's wild and game. 
 
 Second Calf— No; that's not it. 
 
 Because it can see-saw. 
 Fourth Steer— I think I can propound a question, too. 
 
 Why did the animals after the flood 
 
 Possess extraordinary education? 
 
 First Steer— That must be laborious indeed. 
 {All think awhile; then shake their heads.) 
 
 27 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fourth Steer — Because they came out from the Ark 
 and saw. 
 
 Second Steer — Now if the Ark can see, and also saw, 
 How many saws will saw the Arkansas ? 
 
 First Cow — Now what's he up to now ? 
 
 Third Heifer — It's hardly safe to venture in reply. 
 
 First Steer — It might be waste of time to think on this. 
 
 Second Steer — It's not so very hard; the Ark will see. 
 
 Second Calf — (To First Calf) 
 Not much of a fool, is he ? 
 
 First Calf — I should say not. 
 
 First Steer — It looks much like a rain out in the West. 
 
 (All rise.) 
 
 Second Steer — Some summer shower coming up, I 
 think. 
 
 First Cow — It seems that the quartet should be re- 
 hearsed 
 By this time surely. 
 
 Third Heifer — I hear some noise now. 
 
 First Steer — It must be them. 
 (All listen a few moments.) 
 
 First Cow — Here they come. 
 
 (Enter quartet, and advance to the front; Bullock 
 steps a pace ahead, and announces) : 
 
 2S 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 A BAND OF HAPPY CATTLE, WE. 
 
 (Then steps back into line.) 
 
 1. No matter where we roam or stay, 
 While eating grass, or old dry hay; 
 Or tearing 'round in some great raid. 
 Or lounging in some cooling shade; 
 
 From care and anxious thought we're free — 
 A band of hap-py cat-tie we, 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (Bullock, bass; Second Cow, alto; both seconding.) 
 
 A band of hap-py cat-tie we, 
 
 Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. 
 From care and anxious thought we're free ; 
 
 Oh yes, oh yes, 
 
 No cause can ev-er ill be-fall 
 
 Oh no, oh no, or no, oh no. 
 Our hap-py band in Spring or Fall 
 
 Oh no, oh no, 
 
 We are the best that e'er you see — 
 
 Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, 
 A band of hap-py cat-tie we, 
 
 2. From North and South, from East and West, 
 The world acclaims our herd the best, 
 Which you will not deny I know 
 
 Or else with us you would not go; 
 And others try to join our band, 
 And sing our joys all o'er the land. 
 
 29 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. So then we'll merry, merry be, 
 The happy, gladsome cattle, we. 
 Where e'er we lounge and seek to roam 
 That place we'll call our happy home. 
 From care and thought we will be free — 
 A band of happy cattle, we. 
 (Quartet bow, and retire a few paces. Applause of 
 
 stamping follows. Quartet advance, and Bullock 
 
 announces the title) : 
 
 WE'RE NOT SO FOOLISH AS WE LOOK. 
 
 1. Though fools may come, and fools may go, 
 We're not so foolish as we look; 
 
 Fools, always fools, you always know — 
 We're not so foolish as we look. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Foolish at times, we know we are, 
 Just as you know, without this song; 
 But there are times when we go far 
 To mingle with the sober throng. 
 
 2. Then serious at times are we, 
 However foolish we may look. 
 And from all foolishness cut free — 
 We're not so foolish as we look. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. So then, please don't judge us by sight, 
 However foolish we may look; 
 
 30 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 For we are sure that we are right — 
 We're not so foolish as we look. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (Great applause after this song. Then is announced 
 the title of last song) : 
 
 WHEN DARKENING CLOUDS BEGIN TO 
 GATHER 
 
 1. When dark'ning clouds begin to gather 
 
 And lightning darts now here, now there, 
 You then will feel a change of weather 
 By sniffing cool, moist-laden air. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Then stay close here 'neath leafy bower 
 
 And be sure not to separate; 
 For soon we'll have a summer shower; 
 
 And heav'n may open her flood-gate. 
 
 2. Then river wild will deeply cover 
 
 Without remorse our pasture field; 
 Away from here we'll go together 
 To higher ground, this place to yield. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. Into each life some clouds must gather, 
 
 Let fall the rain and cloud the sun ; 
 
 But as we need the change of weather, 
 
 We welcome rain in race well run. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 31 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 (Moderate applause of stamping. Quartet retire 
 from front and separate.) 
 
 First Steer — Ominous are the signs of rain indeed! 
 This song fit prelude of approaching storm. 
 Hark ! hear that nearing thunder growl and roll. 
 
 Bullock — Right well I knew that rain would come 
 today ; 
 For when we were out there in our rehearsal, 
 I saw the dark'ning clouds on yonder mountains, 
 Observed the eastward moving clouds of rain, 
 And saw the lightning flash clear and sharp. 
 See there ! that flash ! 
 Hear now! that awful crash! 
 We're in the midst of thick'ning rain ! 
 A flood from cloud burst ! 
 Away ! away ! ! to higher ground ! away ! ! 
 (Exit herd on the run.) 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 ^ 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 ACT 11. 
 
 Scene I. — Entire herd, next morning, in the sage- 
 brush, on high ground of pasture, above irrigating ditch, 
 looking down at the river. 
 
 Bullock — Heaven indeed did open her flood-gate 
 Yesterday afternoon and filled the river 
 To overflowing, flooding all the low-lands 
 With yellowish and devastating sweep 
 Coursing in mad career among the trees, 
 Then inundating homes and all the barns. 
 Although the water is receding somewhat 
 From its wild, mad, swirling course, 
 The swollen stream is yet o'erflowing banks, 
 And roaring in response to torrents dropped 
 From bursted reservoir in upper air. 
 And to the waters rushing down the gulches 
 Which vie with one another to race down 
 Riverward the flood-waters of the range. 
 Near us, the gulch roared well into the night, 
 Giving its tribute from its water-shed. 
 Now look you there ! see floating down the stream 
 A swaying house detached from its foundation, 
 Then borne aloft in powerful uplift. 
 Truly the flood is reaping its fruition ; 
 And we must marvel at its devastation. 
 But what concerns us most in our own sphere 
 Of daily life is that our pasture-field 
 Has been bestrewn with rubbish and black mud; 
 
 33 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 And we must seek new pasture-fields for grazing, 
 A circumstance which will not baffle us, 
 In that we can invent solution well 
 In any exigency of occasion. 
 
 Third Steer — A task which I believe the Squire will 
 solve 
 On his accord, and thus not leave it bare 
 Of a solution in our own hands. 
 
 First Steer — Doubtless he will ; he probably will come 
 And open a wire gate and let us out 
 Onto the prairie where we will fare well. 
 
 Second Steer — Methinks I know a way in which we can 
 Get out, without depending on the Squire. 
 Pray grant me leave of absence for a while 
 And I will see if what I think is true. 
 (Exit Second Steer) 
 
 Second Cow — He's not to be made fun of, I assure you. 
 
 Third Steer — He has some fool ideas, though. 
 
 First Heifer — Yes; reckless. 
 
 Still he has a memory which serves him well. 
 
 First Calf — What does he remember now? 
 
 Second Calf — Ask the one 
 
 Who has just spoken; she knows very well. 
 (Remainder of herd laugh slightingly at First 
 Heifer. ) 
 
 34 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fourth Steer — He is beginning to appreciate 
 Where many others fail to give concern, 
 That is, expressing an appreciation 
 Of what he recognizes in eloquence, 
 And what should constitute the art of speech, 
 When it is uttered in true inspiration. 
 
 First Heifer — He truly doth have that rare faculty 
 Which you ascribe to him, that is, 
 Of discerning what should constitute 
 Eloquence, which is to his credit. 
 
 Third Steer — I wonder how the Squire took to the flood. 
 He must have used a boat in getting out 
 Unless he knew of the impending doom. 
 His stacks of hay must have been swept away, 
 Or else they were much damaged by the flood. 
 Perhaps the Squire, in his calamity. 
 Has forgotten all about our grass. 
 And we will have to rustle for ourselves. 
 
 Bullock — The range is good, no doubt, now that the 
 rains 
 Have refreshed the prairies for some time. 
 And as it would be rather difficult. 
 At present, to live on alfalfa hay, 
 We must, therefore, take to the prairie range. 
 
 First Calf — And that will just suit us; for then we'll 
 have 
 More room to frisk, to roam, and run our races. 
 
 35 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Calf — Life on the range will tend to broaden us 
 As we would come in contact with the world. 
 
 First Cow — If you came in the contact of coyotes 
 You would not be much broadened. 
 
 Third Heifer — And coyotes 
 
 Are much more numerous, and bold than here. 
 When they get hungry they become aggressive. 
 Traveling more in larger company. 
 Then it is dangerous for growing calves 
 To be without protection of large stock. 
 
 Second Cow — The calves will have to run their races 
 near us. 
 Then the coyotes will not approach so near. 
 
 First Steer — This sage-brush is a prelude to the range, 
 And also prelude for our change of fare 
 Which is not new in our variety 
 Of experiences, as they occur 
 From time to time in our eventful life. 
 
 Third Steer — The rain, too, has imparted a strong 
 scented perfume 
 To the dry sage-brush, smelling fresh as does 
 All vegetation after washed of dust. 
 
 Third Heifer — The rain of yesterday, like all good 
 things. 
 When viewed through the vista of proportion. 
 In which the strength of ruggedness and weakness 
 Of frailty are fused in the crucible 
 
 36 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Of universal regulation 
 Of apparently disjointed plans, 
 Descends alike on just and the unjust — 
 Descends in absolute envelopment — 
 Not in a partial, hit and miss descent. 
 Here comes the Second Steer. 
 
 (Enter Second Steer.) 
 
 Bullock — What say you now? 
 
 Have you found an exit from this place? 
 
 Second Steer — Indeed I have ; it is as I expected. 
 The flood has washed in under the fence. 
 And we can go out through the gulch, 
 Under the railroad bridges ; then climb the bank ; 
 And take the trail across the prairie range; 
 Cross Eagle Gulch, where are the water holes, 
 And grama grass in great abundance. 
 
 Bullock — Clever enough ; you take the lead, and we 
 Will then proceed to a change of pasture. 
 (Herd exit slowly^ singing) : 
 Farewell our pasture-field; 
 
 Farewell our shady resting ground ; 
 Farewell our pasture field. 
 
 Until we once more come around. 
 
 (Repeat softly.) 
 
 During progress to Eagle Gulch, the herd is seen 
 several times trailing across the prairie j singing 
 slowly. 
 
 Z7 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Away, away for grama grass, 
 
 And singing songs, the time to pass ; 
 
 Away we go like heroes old. 
 
 The distant future to unfold. 
 
 We'll soon be there, 'twill not be long. 
 
 When we can join the prairie throng. 
 
 Away, away, for grama grass, 
 
 While singing songs, the time to pass. 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 Scene II. — Grazing ground on the range, just across 
 Eagle gulch, dotted here and there zmth high and low 
 cactus, and near a spreading cotton-wood tree on the 
 hank of the gulch. The Fifth Steer, Fourth Heifer, 
 Third and Fourth Cows and Third Calf standing near 
 together on the pasture. 
 
 Time — Middle part of September. 
 
 Fifth Steer — There seems to be more cattle and horses 
 here 
 Than usual, which is, no doubt, explained 
 By the fact that many ranchers have turned out 
 Their surplus stock and also milking cows. 
 They drive their cows back home at evening, 
 Thus saving much in feed. 
 
 Third Cow — Then too, there is 
 
 Much stock which has been turned out by the 
 ranchers 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Who do not take them back until the close 
 Of the season when they are taken back 
 And given hay for winter feed. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — And hay 
 
 We seldom see, much less to eat. 
 
 Fourth Cow — A fact 
 
 Indeed, which cattle on the range well know. 
 Had we the hay last winter, I well know 
 That my young calf would have been a companion 
 For the one in our little band. 
 
 Third Cow — Just so; 
 
 You would have saved it without the least of doubt. 
 
 Third Calf — Hay tastes so good, and is such a change 
 From the dry grass which we must eat out here 
 That even when we think of it, it makes 
 Us taste the hay. The bunches of hay which we 
 Have picked up on the road were feasts indeed. 
 
 Third Cow — We fare well now. We are not suffering 
 For hay, and grass is best for you this fall. 
 It is in winter that we need the hay. 
 When the range is bare, except the bush and cactus. 
 Your flesh is rolling and you're growing fast. 
 You're getting large ; you should not make complaint. 
 
 Fifth Steer — Hay though is relished, even when the 
 grass 
 Is green and growing well. Our range, while good, 
 Is getting short, and will not last all winter; 
 
 39 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 And it will need be supplemented with hay 
 Before so very long, if we fare well. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — But who is going to supply this hay ? 
 Methinks it best to eat what e'er we have 
 At any time. And we'll fare just as well 
 Without our thinking of the future. 
 
 Fourth Cow — She speaks with wisdom, though with 
 certain choice. 
 Show her the hay, and she would run as quick 
 For it as any other, I assure. 
 
 Third Cow — We have enough to eat right here at 
 present. 
 Before so very long, the dairy cows 
 Will be withdrawn, and kept in the corrals. 
 Then we will be the sole possessors here. 
 Hello, here comes some range acquaintances. 
 Or the quartet, as I believe they're called 
 Among the band of cattle from the river. 
 We welcome you, quartet, what news you bring? 
 (Enter Quartet.) 
 
 Bullock — The news of welcome ; that is what we bring, 
 And what could be more welcome on this day ? 
 
 Third Cow — Nothing: could be more welcome than that 
 greeting. 
 
 Bullock — You are to be congratulated, too, 
 In your selecting this good pasture ground 
 For your abiding place. 
 
 40 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Steer — Indeed, you are; 
 
 For where in all this region is there found 
 A better grazing ground with water in? 
 Although the water is now getting low 
 Which will necessitate our leaving here 
 And following a run-way to the river, 
 We yet possess the best of grazing land. 
 
 Fourth Cow — The best we know, and we soon find the 
 water 
 If it is in the neighborhood. 
 
 First Heifer — I see; 
 
 You speak from old experience on this. 
 
 Second Cow — We knew of you last year; we saw you 
 
 here. 
 Fifth Steer — We're just renewing our acquaintance, 
 
 then. 
 Bullock — Yes ; we see each other nearly ev'ry day, 
 
 And so our friendship is well under way. 
 Third Cow — Just so; our causes are common to each 
 herd. 
 
 Therefore, our interests are mutual ; 
 
 And anything of interest to you 
 
 Will be of equal interest to us. 
 Third Steer — To a herd coming from a river pasture 
 
 There is much that appeals to us out here, 
 
 Not only in the grazing land itself 
 
 But also in the background of our view — 
 
 The western border of yon mountain ranges. 
 
 41 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fifth Steer — They are, indeed, grand, and we like 
 them much. 
 They're always looming up, as if to speak 
 In language which, though silent, means so much. 
 
 First Heifer — Their beauty could not be expressed in 
 language. 
 They vary with each angle of discernment. 
 
 Fourth Cow — We never tire of looking at the moun- 
 tains, 
 The air is clear, and they extend so far 
 In line across the state that they become 
 The heritage of eastern Colorado. 
 
 Bullock — They are, indeed, the key-stone of the 
 valley. 
 Beginning on our right with old Pike's Peak, 
 The mountain famous, in past history. 
 As the bold sentinel of frontier life. 
 And as the goal of early pioneers. 
 The chain extends back to the western sky, 
 There to be lost to view in cloudless air ; 
 Mentally tracing a range from this apex 
 Of the convergent mountain ranges until 
 The view of mountain peaks becomes apparent 
 In the south-eastern trend of the left wing, 
 The line prolongs into the Greenhorn Range, 
 Only to be abruptly terminated 
 By the rugged southern sentinel — 
 
 42 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Old Baldy, standing in obedience 
 
 To the commands of his superior. 
 
 As if this key-stone system of the ranges 
 
 Were not complete to guard the Arkansas, 
 
 There stand, alone, out in the southern sky, 
 
 The Spanish Peaks, twin peaks, in shape and size, 
 
 And near the state line's southern boundary — 
 
 The out-posts of the Sangrede Christo Range, 
 
 Some peaks of which are seen occasionally 
 
 Through the low-gaps left in the eastern Range. 
 
 In the apex of this view 
 
 There rises the Arkansas, a river swift. 
 
 And flowing down between the flanks on guard. 
 
 Until the rolling, increasing waters 
 
 Pass from direct guard of the sentinels, 
 
 And then emerge out into slower flow, 
 
 As wider stretches the valley on both sides. 
 
 Extending miles in width, and stretching East 
 
 Down to the Kansas line — a fertile plain 
 
 When made to blossom by the magic touch 
 
 Of irrigation. Surely we command 
 
 The view of scenery which charms the gods 
 
 In picturesqueness and broad range of view. 
 
 Surely good fortune shall abide with us 
 
 In this, our land of scenery and wealth. 
 
 Fifth Steer — Most eloquently have you painted the 
 view 
 Such as has never been presented to us ; 
 
 43 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 For we in our routine of prairie life, 
 Seldom digress from ordinary thoughts 
 And thus not realize the beauty here. 
 
 First Heifer — Beauty lies often where it's least ex- 
 pected ; 
 And often in the common things of life 
 Beauty is to be found when overlooked 
 By those who look up higher than their vision. 
 
 Fourth Cow — We see the common things of prairie life 
 But through routine, neglect their beauty. 
 
 Third Steer — Which all of us will do; some change is 
 best 
 In order that the common things best live. 
 
 Bullock — The change from river pasture to this place 
 Has been agreeable to us, indeed. 
 We see much here of interest to us. 
 Even to the cactus, both the high and low. 
 
 Third Cow — We eat some cactus during winter time, 
 When grass is gone and the cold weather comes. 
 
 Third Calf — How can you eat the cactus? It is so 
 thorny. 
 
 Third Cow — When it is frozen ; then we eat it, 
 Though I hope it will not be on our fare 
 This winter. 
 
 Third Calf — I hope so, too. 
 
 Fourth Cow — So we all. 
 
 44 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Steer — Our river band expect to have much hay- 
 To eat this winter, w^hen we get corraled, 
 Before very long, when the third crop will be 
 stacked. 
 
 Fifth Steer — It must be good. 
 
 Bullock — Our choice this time of year. 
 
 And if we plan a raid on haystacks soon, 
 We'll let you know and let you share in it. 
 
 Fifth Steer — That would suit us; how kind of you; it 
 would 
 Afford us pleasure, indeed, to accept. 
 
 Bullock — And great our pleasure in inviting you. 
 Adieu : We must now join our band. 
 
 (Quartet bow.) 
 
 All Five — Adieu, adieu (as Quartet exit). 
 
 Third Calf — Just think, we'll get some hay. 
 
 Fourth Cow — Not so sure ; we'll see to that later on. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — How eloquent they were; they must 
 have practice. 
 
 Fifth Steer — If I could be around them for awhile, 
 I think I could speak well myself, it gives 
 Me much encouragement to practice, too. 
 
 Third Calf — Could I learn, too? 
 
 Third Cow — You can in time, if you 
 
 Possess the gift, or know the rudiments. 
 Then inspiration will do the rest. 
 
 45 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Calf — I'll get inspired, I know I will. 
 
 Fourth Cow — You should 
 
 Be more concerned, at present, in your life, 
 
 That is, about your living on the range. 
 
 Ability to speak and move your hearers 
 
 By the indulgence in strong language, 
 
 Should be your second thought ; for when the effort 
 
 Is all affected, it falls far short its mark. 
 
 And you will be the mirror to reflect 
 
 That which you may not see in your conceit. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — It should be placed in the same catalog 
 As singing, extra culture for the soul. 
 It is intended to relieve the cares 
 Of life as well as elevate ourselves 
 Onto a higher plane. Who gainsays that? 
 
 Third Cow — For us, it is much like the fox and the 
 grapes. 
 Though we admire and yearn much for the fruit 
 It's always high — too high for us to reach. 
 
 Fifth Steer — Native ability though, counts for much; 
 And in our lexicon of enterprise 
 Failure is found when we make it ourselves : 
 For even though the goal is not quite reached. 
 Effort, directed well, spells out success. 
 We are what we create within ourselves, 
 And nothing can scarce turn our course, if we 
 Keep up the motion of the current. 
 
 46 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Let's change our grazing spot, and eat until 
 The sun goes down. (Exit Quintet.) 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 Scene III. — The same, only farther away; the 
 octet standing near together. 
 
 First Steer — I presume that the quartet has left our 
 herd 
 For the purpose of rehearsing some new songs 
 That they intend to sing before our band 
 And we will readily excuse their leave 
 Of absence, for we all delight in songs 
 Sung by our popular quartet. 
 
 Fourth Steer — A fact 
 
 Indeed. Their absence here is joy for us, 
 In that they build the future well 
 For happy time of song festivity. 
 
 First Cow — If it's rehearsing, glad times are ahead. 
 Though it may mean that they are planning 
 To strengthen our position at some point 
 Where we are weak, though unbeknown to us. 
 
 Second Heifer — If they were planning for such pur- 
 poses. 
 They would consult us in their interview. 
 
 Second Steer — No matter ; we are equal to the task 
 Of steering clear of any difficulty 
 That might present itself from time to time. 
 
 47 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 In fact, it is the best for us that we 
 Decide upon the issues for ourselves 
 And not depend upon our keen quartet. 
 Make independence working capital. 
 
 First Steer — There's argument in that I will admit; 
 But who will not concede that they are best 
 To lead; in witness whereof, I recite 
 The incident when we were saved from the flood. 
 
 Rest of Herd — Just so ! 
 
 First Cow — The flood — who does not fear that word? 
 Dramatic termination of sweet song. 
 It seems but yesterday, and yet how long. 
 
 Third Heifer — It stands indelible, though rush events 
 Before and after. Why this memory? 
 Dramatic climax. Need I state more? 
 Yet, although it has changed our mode of living, 
 It might be termed a blessing in disguise. 
 For it has given us new views of life ; 
 Enlarged our vision, whetted our appetites; 
 And in every way a benefit. 
 
 Second Heifer — An education then for all the herd 
 Especially for the young, growing calves; 
 For they can see much that is new to them. 
 Other than the grama grass on sandy soil. 
 Namely: the rattle-snakes, the prairie dogs. 
 And other things of interest to all. 
 
 48 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Calf — Indeed we have observed a rattle-snake 
 Going down a prairie-dog hole in their town. 
 
 First Calf — And we have seen some owls out on the 
 ground 
 Quietly sitting near an opening 
 Of a dog-hole. Do they all live together? 
 
 First Cow — It has been thought that they live all to- 
 gether ; 
 But they are common enemies ; and dogs 
 Wage warfare lest they be exterminated; 
 And so do not inhabit the same hole. 
 The burrowing owls inhabit the same town, 
 Living in separate, forsaken holes. 
 The snake, however, seldom enters 
 A hole ; but if he does, he's liable 
 To be entombed by the aggressive dogs 
 Who sound the warning of his coming. 
 And then advance to quickly seal him in. 
 
 Second Steer — He then would find starvation in the 
 hole, 
 And so a prey of his rash enterprise. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Fool venturer into the net of death. 
 
 Second Steer — He knoweth not the danger of his scheme. 
 
 First Steer — The owls must be exempt from such en- 
 tombment. 
 And share the willing partnership of dogs 
 Who dig the holes, and then allow their homes 
 To be inhabited by these shrewd owls. 
 
 49 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Cow — That seems to be the case, though the young 
 dogs 
 Are reHshed by the owls. 
 
 Third Heifer — This partnership 
 
 Of prairie dogs and owls is similar 
 To that of the cuckoo and other birds 
 When they hatch out the tgg laid by cuckoo : 
 Parasitic in their nature of existence : 
 Shrewdness of the cuckoo and owl, indeed. 
 
 Second Heifer — Suggesting a conundrum which I will 
 ask. 
 Why are the eyes of owls like these cuckoos? 
 
 Second Calf — Because they are a pair o' sights. 
 
 Second Heifer — Correct. 
 
 Second Steer — Now if these same old birds are parasites, 
 When would their sights be sighted from their sites ? 
 
 Fourth Steer — No one could use their logic on that one. 
 
 First Steer — It may be foolish, but yet logical. 
 
 Second Heifer — It must be something like the Ark will 
 see. 
 
 Second Steer — It is when sites are quoted thus; sites 
 @ par. 
 
 First Cow — Our comrade must be feeling fine ; perhaps 
 He has some more conundrums to amuse 
 Us, or else some diversion from routine 
 Original with him ; if so, let's hear. 
 
 50 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Rest of Herd — Just so ! 
 
 Second Steer — If I cannot evade this thing, 
 
 I'll sing a solo of my composition, 
 
 Which is entitled : 
 
 OF ALL THE TIES, THE CACTI IS THE BEST 
 
 1. Though we may graze in states free from the cacti, 
 
 The truth of this you then will surely know : 
 That though the flowers bloom all through the 
 showers, 
 The cacti binds us to old Mexico. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Oh yes, the cacti is the best of ties 
 
 That bind the states or countries near; 
 
 We like to graze where grows the lovely tie, 
 And not be called a moose or deer. 
 
 2. Let goats graze on the mountain tops and hill-sides, 
 
 Let the mosquitoes swarm the swamps and lakes, 
 They have their ties, and we'll not take them from 
 them; 
 For here with us the cacti is what takes. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. Let berry bushes and bee-gums charm old Bruin, 
 We'll not object, because we know it's best, 
 
 For that's his tie, and I am not a foolin' — 
 For all of us, the cacti is the best. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 SI 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 4. Let the creatures have their place for grazing, 
 Be it near Canada or Mexico, 
 Their tie for them is something worth knowing — 
 The cacti is the tie for us we know. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (The herd applaud by stamping and Second Steer 
 responds for encore by announcing :) 
 
 A RAMBLING MONOLOGUE 
 
 Give us the prairie where abide the owls 
 
 Living in prairie-dog holes underground ; 
 
 Where we may hear the snakes when rattling rattles 
 
 In giving warning to the passer-by ; 
 
 Where we may browse on sage-brush, gray and 
 
 large. 
 Thus change our diet from sweet grama grass — 
 The best of grass that grows on prairie land. 
 For other than the river grazing field 
 This place is the best we have yet found. 
 We have the water here to drink until 
 The water holes go dry. Then we make way 
 Down the dry run-way to the river. 
 Which is good exercise for all of us. 
 And keeping us gay in happy mood of life ; 
 For we all know that we can ring the bells 
 Which sound our joy where'er we go, you see, 
 And when we start the joy-bells ringing loud 
 We are the envy of all creatures here. 
 
 52 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 So then, it can not be at all disputed : 
 That in this clear, fresh atmosphere, our bells 
 Ring far and wide ; we are the best, you see. 
 (Applause of encore.) 
 
 First Steer — Now that we're entertaining, we might 
 hear 
 What the Third Heifer has in store for us. 
 She might give us an essay or some speech. 
 Or else some song which we would like to hear, 
 
 Rest of Herd — Hear! Hear! 
 
 Third Heifer — September days will soon have passed 
 away; 
 And with their passing by, there ushers in 
 More fitful weather, chilling gusts of wind 
 The harbinger of winter-time to come. 
 Now is the perfect time of autumn season. 
 Fresh, cool air from the mountains crowding out 
 The heated air of Summer; thus infusing 
 New life and keen awakening to start 
 New tasks with vigor, and our intellects 
 Renewed and vitalized by elements 
 Which are vitality in composition. 
 Clear at any time is our atmosphere 
 Except when storms are darkening the sky. 
 Making it possible, while even here. 
 At this long distance from grand Pike's Peak 
 To see the smoke, as it goes curling, 
 Off from the summit, from the cog-rail train. 
 
 52 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Surely this possibility of sight 
 
 Through the clear air of Colorado state, 
 
 Is a remarkable occurrence here, 
 
 So great a distance from the railroad train. 
 
 Unique is our position on the range 
 
 When such rare sights are viewed by cattle kind ; 
 
 Fortunate then, indeed, are we in land 
 
 Of scenery grand and pasture land of wealth. 
 
 (Applause by stamping.) 
 
 {Enter Quartet.) 
 
 Bullock — So ho! you're having fun here by yourselves. 
 
 First Steer — That we have had, just as you had, no 
 doubt. 
 When from our company you did take leave. 
 
 Bullock — Yes ; we have had some entertainment since 
 We left your ranks, and have made known our plans 
 To some range cattle, in case we make raid 
 On some alfalfa haystack near the river. 
 And if we have a banquet, we'll invite 
 Some range acquaintances to share in it. 
 
 First Cow — That would be charitable of us all 
 To share a feast with the less fortunate, 
 And would be double joy for us in that 
 We would receive and give that which is good. 
 Cheer some dark life with cheerful light of joy. 
 
 Bullock — We'll first investigate what we can do. 
 
 54 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Steer — Then invitation given after that. 
 Let's drink ; then eat until the sun goes down. 
 
 (Exit herd) 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 Scene IV. — The same, in middle October, the herd 
 standing together late in the evening. 
 
 Bullock — Now that investigation has been made, 
 The loose wire-gate accessible to us 
 In our approaching the alfalfa stack, 
 And entrance thereto feasible to us, 
 Down the gulch in which we came out on the range, 
 All that remains for us to do this eve, 
 Is to extend the invitation quick 
 To our acquaintances who promised us 
 That they would be most glad to join in feast 
 Whenever we would bid them come to it. 
 Third Steer, you go, and bid them come at once. 
 
 (Exit Third Steer) 
 
 Second Calf — The quintet, especially the calf. 
 Will welcome hay since it is new to them. 
 
 First Calf — Right well he will, if he is much like us; 
 For I can hardly wait until we start. 
 They must get tired of eating old dry grass. 
 
 Fourth Steer — The Squire will find that hay can be 
 destroyed 
 In other ways than by a roaring flood. 
 
 55 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 I wonder if our range acquaintances 
 Are versed in any of the arts of speech, 
 For instance, in the art of eloquence. 
 Or else possessing the great gift of song. 
 Methinks they're not especially endowed 
 With any of the cultured arts. 
 
 Second Cow — You can't 
 
 Always tell whether they're endowed or not 
 
 With any talent; 
 
 They may be equal to our band in that. 
 
 And if they're ignorant, we should instruct 
 
 Whenever it is posible, without 
 
 Offending them. And then in teaching them 
 
 We'll find that they can teach us many things. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Yes, we could learn much knowledge of 
 the range 
 From them, a knowledge that would do no harm 
 To us in any manner, whatsoever. 
 
 Second Steer — Not in the least would it do harm to us ; 
 For any superstructure must be built 
 Upon foundations of enduring kind 
 If it is built to last for any time. 
 
 First Cow — We should not be concerned about such 
 things 
 When in such anxious moments to approach 
 The place where we may feast — ill thoughts at time 
 When gastric juice should be entrancing us. 
 
 S6 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fourth Steer — Well, here they are. 
 (Enter Quintet and Third Steer) 
 
 Bullock — Third Steer, you take the lead. 
 
 Away hence to the banquet at the Squire's. 
 (Exit herd with Quintet in the rear) 
 
 SONG FOR ALL BUT QUINTET 
 
 Away we go to banquet at the Squire's, 
 
 Singing along the way to cheat old Time. 
 
 Sing high, sing low, away we go, so ho ! 
 
 For food to satiate our appetites 
 
 In feast of drink and song : make glad the night 
 
 With ringing melody along the way. 
 
 We won't get back till morning from the feast, 
 
 But what care we : the moon shines clear and bright 
 
 Out in the starry night: so what care we — 
 
 Away, away we go for banqueting. 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 57 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 ACT III. 
 
 Scene — Entire herd feasting around the haystack. 
 
 Bullock — Indeed our appetites are sated, 
 And eating is mechanical — 
 Ambition satisfied to gorge down hay 
 With all that is composed of speed and greed 
 Until our stretching paunches do indicate 
 The satiation of our appetites. 
 We are now in the climax of desires 
 Anticipated by our band for weeks — 
 Climax in the fulfillment of desire 
 Not in dramatic sensibility; 
 For where is there the situation 
 In which fulfillment of dramatic art 
 Is more complete and more in evidence 
 Than here in this, our perfect execution 
 Of that which has been uppermost in mind 
 In time gone past ; which crowded out all things 
 Not in connection with our banquet feast. 
 Surely we occupy the central stage 
 Toward which past and future happenings 
 Converge as if an amphitheater were filled — 
 Convened to witness here the spectacle 
 Of climax evident in its fulfillment. 
 
 First Cow — If we command an amphitheater, 
 Figuratively speaking, already 
 It must have viewed a climax intimated 
 In the fulfillment of appetites 
 
 58 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Belonging to the younger stock : for see 
 They have not been partaking of the hay 
 With the keen reHsh that characterized 
 Their early gorging of alfalfa hay — 
 Preliminary entertainers they 
 Until the older stock take up the scene, 
 Apparently uninterrupted in chain, 
 As one by one, cease eating in the feast, 
 Until we now present the spectacle 
 Of an entire fulfillment of desire. 
 
 Bullock — What say our friends from off the range, on 
 this? 
 Do they still hunger for alfalfa hay? 
 
 Fifth Steer — While acting in capacity of spoke steer 
 For the quintet invited with your band 
 To share in this great banquet of your own, 
 It can be said, and safely too, that we 
 Are filled with hay and thus await your bidding 
 To do whatever you see fit to do. 
 
 Fourth Steer — (Aside to Second Steer) 
 I wonder if he can be eloquent. 
 
 Bullock— Then if we all have feasted well tonight, 
 There could be nothing more appropriate 
 During our midnight revel than to have 
 An entertainment here of toasts and songs 
 Proposed and sung by members of our band. 
 
 59 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 However, this will not exclude our friends 
 
 Who have agreeably enlivened us 
 
 By their acceptance of our invitation. 
 
 And in the course of entertainment here, 
 
 We would be glad to hear what they would give 
 
 Individually or else in groups. 
 
 And we propose that informality 
 
 More than formality shall guide our course 
 
 During the progress of our entertainment. 
 
 So all draw near and form a semi-circle 
 
 Behind the speakers who stand at the head 
 
 Out in the front between the curving lines. 
 
 (All form semi-circle, with Bullock at head of one 
 
 side, and First Steer opposite) 
 Some toasts have been prepared: we'll hear them 
 
 first. 
 Before I call for them, I'll propose a toast 
 Entitled : SALUTATION TO OUR BAND. 
 Comrades, we are assembled here to-night 
 In the participation of that which 
 Has been in store for us for some time past. 
 Our thoughts have been directed toward it 
 During the past, obscure it seems to us. 
 Now that we are around the hearth-stone here 
 Experiencing the enthusiasm 
 Incident to a sumptuous feast just past; 
 When contemplation tends for happiness 
 And also a serenity of mind 
 Which so dispels into oblivion 
 
 60 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 All dark forebodings of disaster 
 That we seem only conscious of the present — 
 It is here then, for us, that culmination 
 Is evidenced in its entirety, 
 And nothing short of folly from ourselves 
 Could mar this scene of mirth and joyousness. 
 Favorably is nature clad tonight 
 To give this scene a setting of bright splendor : 
 Witness, the moon attired in regal dress 
 Of brightness unexcelled in coloring 
 And tones of softness, thus illuminating 
 All list'ning earth with festival array 
 Of queenly beams on such a night as this. 
 Unique is our position here tonight 
 In that green coloring of hay does tempt 
 Our appetites, a contrast to that which 
 Has been in evidence out on the range, 
 When for weeks past dry grass has been our fare. 
 During the time when grass began to die 
 Until the present night, we often yearned 
 For green alfalfa hay for feasting times. 
 And so we dedicate this feast tonight 
 As an appreciation of success 
 Crowning our well-laid plans with kingly crowns 
 Upon the brow of endeavors past. 
 We now will have response from First Steer. 
 {Bullock takes position at head of line, and First 
 Steer advances to give his toast. Great ap- 
 plause) 
 
 6i 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Steer — I construe this applause to be applause 
 Directed toward our distinguished leader, 
 And not applause directed toward me. 
 
 {More applause.) 
 
 Well he deserves the plaudits of his band. 
 
 For where could we find a leader to replace 
 
 Him in the valiant service rendered 
 
 Toward his company of cattle kind. 
 
 In proof of this I need but cite one instsance 
 
 In which his foresight saved us from disaster, 
 
 Namely: the flood. 
 
 Rest of Herd — Well said! (Applause) 
 
 And though his leadership at other times, 
 Has not been so dramatic as that one, 
 It has yet been directed well throughout. 
 Until we now experience the best 
 That is our lot so far to fall heir to, 
 Namely : this banquet of good cattleship 
 Among a band who prize his leadership 
 Far higher than our words could emulate. 
 We also should extend our gratitude 
 Toward our musical organization 
 That of the quartet whose aid extended 
 To the Bullock in his banquet plans. 
 And aided materially in his work. 
 We are, indeed, thankful towards them 
 In service rendered by their song ; 
 
 62 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 And it is not an imposition 
 
 On your good will and time, I feel assured, 
 
 When I commend that praise is due to them 
 
 On this occasion of festivity 
 
 And thankfulness. Give them the hoof of cheer. 
 
 (Applause by stamping, and a shout from all hut 
 
 quartet) — Long live the quartet! 
 In closing, I will simply give the toast 
 In eulogy extended to the Bullock 
 By all concerned : may he live long and prosper. 
 {Great applause) 
 
 Bullock — We now will hear from our Third Steer. 
 
 Third Steer — Responding on behalf of the quartet 
 On whom much praise has been bestowed by you, 
 It certainly gives me much pleasure now 
 In trying to return the compliments 
 Which, as has been intimated, are greater than 
 Any expression which words can convey. 
 Before endeavoring to frame response, 
 I wish to dwell somewhat at length upon 
 The theme that music has its charms. No where 
 Save in the realm of Nature, do we find 
 Such blending of harmony as is 
 The execution of rhythmatical 
 And the shading of its fundamentals. 
 Combined to charm, in us, responsive chords 
 Dormant in their potentiality 
 Until awakened by the harmony 
 And its rhythmatical constituent, 
 
 63 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Appealing as the melody of song 
 Set to the melody that moves one's soul. 
 Examples that will illustrate this point 
 Are numerous to you. Emotions varied 
 As are exemplified in our emotions, 
 Can be attuned to corresponding airs 
 Interpreting emotions of composer 
 And the emotions of his listeners 
 Providing they are of the temperament 
 That the composer would have them to be. 
 The difficulty of interpreting 
 Music correctly then, provided it 
 Has been performed on basic principles, 
 Together with expressive rendering, 
 Depends upon our own interpretation ; 
 Whether we have ourselves attuned to airs 
 We listen to, both in mechanical 
 And in true inspiration of sensitiveness. 
 Hence, we find that among the majority, 
 The simple melodies appeal to them, 
 Awakening the chords of common ties 
 Which must appeal to all regardless of rank. 
 If they feel moved by lofty variations. 
 Then it was that our melodies so simple. 
 Attuned your souls that afternoon of rain, 
 Changing from mirth to seriousness sure ; 
 Quickened your minds and limbs to action swift. 
 Without exciting you by shock of danger. 
 Verily, music hath its charms. 
 
 64 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 ( Third Steer steps back into line. Tremendous applause^ 
 
 Bullock — Our Third Steer has indeed defended music, 
 Or rather his conception of it 
 Needs no defense. It truly hath its charms. 
 We now will have our Second Steer address 
 Us or else give a song according to 
 His taste. He certainly has something good. 
 
 Second Steer — I will respond by giving you my lecture : 
 
 IF THE MAN IN THE MOON COULD SHOUT 
 
 TO US. 
 Could one look down upon the world and see 
 The earth revolve around the solar sphere 
 Attended by celestial bodies bright 
 Reflecting a splendor of dignity 
 Commensurate with our festivity, 
 Both in array and their joyousness, 
 Though silent in the frigid halls of blue, 
 Could one, I state again, if placed on high 
 Riding the heavens in the Queenly orb, 
 Look down upon the earth and view where 
 Tonight in our great festival of joy. 
 We would be like the man who is in the moon 
 And try to shout, his very best to shout! 
 But then he can't, he's frozen up you know 
 From eating too much ice, ice cream, more ice 
 Than cream. His smile is there. Of course it is, 
 It's frozen in the ice ; and he is helpless. 
 Deserving pity from lis all tonight : 
 
 65 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 For we are in a gaiety of time 
 
 With mirth and joy let loose; shout! if we want, 
 
 But lo ! look at the man who is up there. 
 
 He wants to shout, and shout out loud and long. 
 
 And then to think his smile is frozen shut. 
 
 As if he were a mummy petrified. 
 
 He never loses sight of earth; oh no. 
 
 He hovers near, and smiles and smiles at us 
 
 While in our frolics, and in our great feasts ; 
 
 Whether engaged in song or oratory; 
 
 He's watching us, you can depend on that. 
 
 He's jealous, too, but he does not commit 
 
 Himself while riding in the heavens there — 
 
 Fairmindedness — yes unexcelled at that — 
 
 Exemplar of true generosity. 
 
 Some one might say he's frozen up, that's why 
 
 He is not shouting now, but only smiling; 
 
 But oh, such incredulity of self. 
 
 As if to view festivity of mirth 
 
 While out in silent halls of azure sky 
 
 Were not enough to cause him shout for joy. 
 
 We would if we were he, so give him credit 
 
 For that which we would do ourselves without 
 
 Any reserve of power from our lungs. 
 
 If the man in the moon could only shout 
 
 How happy he would be, but since he can't 
 
 Let us do what we can to make him glad ; 
 
 Expand our lungs and shout hurrah! just twice. 
 
 66 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 All Shout — (While looking up) Hurrah! hurrah! 
 (Second Steer steps in line) 
 
 Bullock — For some diversion, we might have the calves 
 Sing a duet. They know some clever songs. 
 
 First Cow — Yes calves, step out and sing your song 
 entitled : 
 
 FEASTING HERE WHILE THE SQUIRE 
 
 SLEEPS SOUNDLY ON 
 (Calves advance and sing) : 
 
 1. While the moon shines bright and serenely calm 
 Out in the starry night, so clear and bright, 
 We leave our prairie home to feed on hay, 
 
 To feast and then to revel all the night. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Feasting here while the Squire sleeps soundly on 
 All through the night until the break of day, 
 Knowing not of our merry banqueting — 
 Eating and wasting his alfalfa hay. 
 
 2. Then merry, merry let us be tonight, 
 The world is gay, so why need we be sad, 
 We are the revelers here banqueting 
 Where a good time is surely to be had. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. And if we don't get back till break of day 
 No matter, we are banqueting tonight 
 
 67 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 And seldom eat alfalfa hay so green, 
 So juicy, tender, coloring so bright. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 4, The Squire will never know the difference, 
 Whether we were the ones in here, or not; 
 He can not tell who were in here tonight, 
 Why then should it concern us for one dot. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (Applause) 
 
 Bullock — We'll ask the calves to sing again before 
 We leave, if we have time. There are more toasts 
 Which we will want to hear. 
 We will now hear from our First Heifer. 
 She will address us on the theme entitled : 
 
 THE ETHICAL VIEWPOINT OF BANQUETS 
 
 First Heifer — Comrades, we are assembled here tonight 
 In one of those dear institutions that 
 Gladden the pathway of our life 
 With pleasant times coincident with feasting, 
 Speechmaking, singing, and all other phases 
 Of an esthetic joyousness connected 
 With banquets held by us from time to time. 
 The actual time spent in banqueting 
 Is time well spent apart from feasting here 
 On hay so palatable and inviting, 
 Sending us all into oblivion 
 Forgetting all dry grass and prairie fare; 
 
 68 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 All times, routine with cares of daily life, 
 And lifting us beyond all thoughts of care 
 Into that realm of bliss that moulds our life 
 Into that atmosphere of moral plane 
 Promoting culture of esthetic charm 
 Which is attained by social company — 
 Of those we value highly in our life. 
 While we must follow the routine of life 
 In all its ups and dov/ns of joy and sorrow, 
 Which is accepted to be our lot on earth, 
 There is, I state again, that bliss of joy 
 Found in the social atmosphere of banquets 
 That doesn't exist in any other place — 
 A joy of pleasure throbbing through us all. 
 Contagious with association here 
 Of those whose joy is bubbling over. 
 We are to be congratulated then 
 In meeting here without the loss of one 
 In our career so far more fortunate 
 Than has befallen others whom we know. 
 Could we invite the more unfortunate 
 And see them share in feasts of hay so rare 
 It would refine our coarser natures 
 And tend to modify their bitter feelings 
 Incurred to some extent, perhaps, in race 
 Of life less favorable than ours so far. 
 Then the esthetic value to be gained 
 Is found in giving and receiving cheer, 
 Not in our aim to be all egotists, 
 
 69 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 But in demeanor calculated to win 
 Respect and friendliness while even in 
 Spirited rivalry of entertainment. 
 
 (First Heifer steps into line. Applause) 
 
 Bullock — The Second Heifer will now speak to us 
 About the interesting subject theme: 
 
 LIVING BENEATH THE LUCKY STARS. 
 
 Second Heifer — If we were to ascribe our lucky state 
 Of living fortunately all through life 
 To any one particular good reason, 
 It would be that of an astrology 
 Wherein we are safe-guarded and also prompted 
 To act unconsciously, it seems at times. 
 In our evading dangers threatening 
 Us seriously, by no other cause 
 Than that through the great science of the stars. 
 That they, in their illuminating light, 
 Unrivalled in their beautiful array 
 Of piercing, spotless, shining, light so pure. 
 Can wield a wand of magic charm o'er us. 
 Warding off danger continually near, 
 Though varying in its intensity, 
 Through some unconscious manifestation 
 On our own part, is not denied at all. 
 In fact, the science of the stars has long 
 Been recognized by men of known repute ; 
 
 70 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Men who are versed in sciences so deep 
 
 Relating to some guidance here on earth 
 
 Through the resultant phase attendant birth, 
 
 And similar to cause and its effect, 
 
 That we would be in grave danger of assumption 
 
 On our own part, if we were bold enough 
 
 To overturn, or even criticize 
 
 A scientific truth based on a study 
 
 Wherein their observations are upheld 
 
 By demonstrations in their sphere of life, 
 
 Convincing all, beyond the least of doubt, 
 
 That they are right in their astrology. 
 
 We should congratulate ourselves tonight 
 
 That we enjoy the blessing of the stars 
 
 Shining resplendent in their jewelled beams 
 
 Wafting the charm protecting us from harm ; 
 
 Whether the danger is afar or near; 
 
 Whether a premonition of its coming 
 
 Is known to us, or not, in conscious state; 
 
 We are to be congratulated, I say, 
 
 In our acceptance of this ruling power. 
 
 (Steps into line. Applause) 
 
 Bullock — While we are on the subject of the stars, 
 We might hear our Third Heifer on the theme : 
 
 THE BEAUTY OF THE HEAVENS IN THE 
 
 NIGHT 
 Third Heifer — High arched overhead from lowly earth 
 To vaulted skies, the heavens reach across, 
 
 71 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Shining down as a brilliant diadem 
 Studding the canopy of the heavens 
 In one vast panorama of bright splendor, 
 Proclaiming in their silent, starry music 
 The choir forever shining in the sky. 
 Each star in that vast multitude of light 
 Emits rays twinkling to our lowly earth, 
 Feeble, however, that may seem to us, 
 Yet strong enough to pierce the distance 
 Spanning between that twinkling star and earth- 
 Nearer to us, by many billion miles. 
 The Queen of night, in her Majestic beauty, 
 Takes up the reign left her by King of day, 
 Ruling with the gentle touch of softened rays 
 Original from the far distant sun. 
 When we behold the moon in regal dress. 
 Appearing as the solar complement. 
 Large, full grown, rich in golden offering, 
 It is a view, indeed, of mellowness 
 Attractive in the richness of its color. 
 Anon is seen some shooting star impelled 
 Through the illimitable space in sky. 
 Lighting the heavens in her trail of fire. 
 Brilliantly glowing in her darting head. 
 Tapering off in lessened fire behind. 
 Forming a vivid, startling exit 
 Away from the tranquil upper region. 
 As through the atmosphere the fire ball darts, 
 Dazzling in its appearance and its progress. 
 
 72 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Go out at night beneath the starry sky 
 
 When silence is convening there with you, 
 
 And then behold the beauty of the stars. 
 
 If you are a worshipper of Nature, 
 
 You will become impressed with awe of sight 
 
 Transcendent in its lofty excellence, 
 
 And having no comparison on earth 
 
 For grandeur and an eloquence of beauty. 
 
 (Third Heifer retires. Great applause) 
 
 Bullock — Our sentimental heifer has indeed 
 Lived up to her established reputation. 
 (More applause) 
 
 First Steer — I will suggest that the quartet should sing 
 
 Some song; thus change our program. 
 The Herd — Hurrah! Let's have them sing. 
 
 (Quartet advances and Bullock announces the title) : 
 
 WE WON'T BE BACK TILL MORNING FROM 
 THE FEAST 
 
 I. Out in the starry night, the moon shines bright, 
 Lamp of our feet while coming from the range 
 To banquet on the Squire's alfalfa hay. 
 Where for a feast we surely did arrange. 
 
 chorus 
 (In parts) 
 
 We won't get back till morning from the feast, 
 Oh no ! Oh no ! Oh no ! Oh no ! Oh no ! 
 
 73 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 We will enjoy ourselves here banqueting; 
 
 Oh yes ! Oh yes ! Oh yes ! Oh yes ! Oh yes ! 
 No cause can ill betide us here tonight 
 Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! 
 We are the revelers here banqueting. 
 
 2. All Nature here is clothed in handsome dress, 
 In jewelled splendor of her brilliant stars 
 And moon in mellowness, reflecting light 
 From far off distant sun, apart from stars. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. We now are in the high tide of our life, 
 And make the welkin ring with song and cheer 
 Which echoes back from silent barriers — 
 And well we know that it's good to be here. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 4. May this great feast be followed by some more 
 In which glad tidings of our joy will ring, 
 And may we live together happy, free, 
 
 To always speak so cheerfully and sing. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 {Quartet separate. Applause) 
 
 Bullock — We will now have the pleasure of a speech 
 From one of our most eloquent in speech — 
 Our Fourth Steer. 
 
 Fourth Steer — {Aside) Now I will wax most eloquent. 
 Mr. Toastmaster : 
 Comrades, I feel much elated 
 To be in this distinguished company 
 
 74 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Assembled here tonight in an institution 
 
 That has endeared itself from time immemorial 
 
 Until the present night, as gradually 
 
 It has become a factor of importance 
 
 In the ascending scale of human progress 
 
 Wherein the sensibility of beasts 
 
 Characterized by its benignity 
 
 Forward assimilating all that which 
 
 AfifiHates with the omnipotence 
 
 Of kindness all pervading through your ranks, 
 
 Is allowed untrammeled expression 
 
 During occasions of philanthropy, 
 
 As manifesting our unselfishness 
 
 In crucifying greed and selfishness 
 
 On the clean altar of a righteousness. 
 
 Propitious to our cause of joyousness 
 
 Incident to our feasting sumptuously 
 
 On this good hay, there is the feeling 
 
 Of exultant joy, and unalloyed sense 
 
 Of pleasure, innate in essential form, 
 
 Compelling us to gratify ourselves 
 
 In that whatever is humility 
 
 And pleasure, innate and exercised freely 
 
 In its manifestations by you all. 
 
 Then, in extolling impropriety 
 
 Of egotism impendent haughtiness, 
 
 Is but afifirming a qualification 
 
 Compatible to a demeanor 
 
 Which all of us so heartily approve. 
 
 75 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Though mundane in conception and growth, 
 
 The banquet, in its sensibiHty 
 
 Of philanthropic motive of endearment, 
 
 Could be compared to the abode of bliss 
 
 Wherein an ectasy of pure delight 
 
 Doth dwell continually among the blest. 
 
 Concluding, I reiterate 
 
 That I feel greatly honored to address 
 
 Contemporaries here beyond a cavil ; 
 
 And feel that I cannot exaggerate 
 
 In its essentiality, the pleasure 
 
 Of innate joy, and heightened by contact 
 
 In our association here tonight. 
 
 I feel that joy is not alone with me; 
 
 But that it is pervading through you all, 
 
 And unifying you more firmly than 
 
 Any of you are cognizant. 
 
 (Steps into line. Great applause) 
 
 Second Steer — Oh no one knows how dry I am. 
 
 Bullock — We will now have the pleasure of a speech. 
 Delivered by a spokesteer from the range. 
 
 Fifth Steer — It is, indeed, a pleasure here tonight 
 To speak in the capacity of spokesteer 
 Acting on the behalf of the quintet 
 Invited here to share in this great feast. 
 And to be entertained most royally 
 By your great gifted and cultured band. 
 
 76 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 We, then, acknowledge that we are your debtors 
 
 Both in your feast and in your entertainment. 
 
 We seldom have the privilege of joy 
 
 Attendant such a feast as this tonight: 
 
 And so appreciate your kindness shown 
 
 Far more, perhaps, than any of your band 
 
 Can personally realize himself. 
 
 In that you have enjoyed a higher state 
 
 Of living than has been our lot so far. 
 
 But it is in this fact, alone, which I 
 
 Desire to emphasize in special terms. 
 
 That though more favorably situated 
 
 Than we are in our sphere of life 
 
 You are observing that you can employ 
 
 Your greater means to good advantage 
 
 In your alleviating our routine 
 
 Of prairie life of simple fare and joys, 
 
 Diversifying monotony of life 
 
 With that expression of this kindliness 
 
 Shown toward us : that you are not above 
 
 The common level of good will and cheer, 
 
 No matter what the station of our life. 
 
 We have enjoyed ourselves most heartily: 
 
 For who could not on such a night as this — 
 
 A night of feasting, singing and great speeches; 
 
 Making the welkin ring afar and near; 
 
 Creating an atmosphere of joy and mirth 
 
 Wherein all are on equal terms of rank. 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Could we some other time reciprocate 
 This favor granted toward us tonight, 
 It would be special pleasure on our part 
 To return the gratitude we owe your band. 
 (Steps into line. Great applause.) 
 
 Bullock — We are as much recipients as donors 
 As far as gratitude is valued 
 Concerning favors that have been extended 
 To the quintet. We value company 
 Such as is found among the prairie kind 
 And as for talent, they are apt to be 
 As great as we. This spokesteer speech is ringing 
 With eloquence, indeed, and would do credit 
 To any of our band. And I propose 
 The toast in cheers : may the quintet live long : 
 Hurrah ! hurrah ! 
 
 Herd gives cheers — May the quintet live long! 
 Hurrah! hurrah! 
 
 Bullock — Our cows have yet some toasts. 
 
 Second Cow — I do not care to give a toast tonight. 
 
 First Cow — Nor do I care to speak ; it is now late 
 And if I spoke it would detract from what 
 Has been well given ; and we should now drink 
 And then return before the break of day 
 To our home on the prairie. 
 
 First Steer — It seems to be the general opinion 
 
 That we should leave this place and get our drink. 
 
 78 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Bullock — Then we adjourn. 
 
 {Herd mingle and slowly begin to leave, Fourth Steer 
 leading.) 
 
 First Calf — {To Second Calf) 
 
 Wasn't that a briUiant speech the Fourth Steer 
 made? 
 
 Second Calf — {Hesitatingly) 
 
 I — don't remember. What was it he said? 
 
 {Exit herd singing) : 
 
 Down for a drink, down for a drink, 
 
 Down to the river for a drink ; 
 
 How dry we are, how dry we are, 
 
 Oh no one knows how dry we are. 
 
 {Repeat softly) 
 
 [Curtain]' 
 
 79 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 ACT IV. 
 
 Scene I — Quintet standing together by themselves 
 on the range across Eagle gulch, the next afternoon. 
 
 Fifth Steer — It seems old times again to be back here 
 On our old stamping ground to eat our grass 
 Which may have lost its savor, as of old, 
 Since we have dined on good alfalfa hay, 
 Yet it is relished as variety 
 Of fare, since we have been more fortunate 
 Of late, when we have gained the sympathy 
 Extended us by the kind river band. 
 They think they will soon leave us on the range. 
 To be coralled, or else turned loose down there. 
 In their old pasture field ; to be corralled 
 At night; and then fed on alfalfa hay 
 During the night and in the morning time. 
 
 Fourth Cow — That will be good for them, but not for 
 us. 
 Still we should not complain ; they're kind to us. 
 And if we do not have more feasts 
 Or even see no hay at all this winter, 
 The memory of that great festival 
 Will linger down the pathway of our life — 
 Dramatic one could say in the impression 
 Left in our minds, indelible in fact. 
 As a tangible thing in occurrence. 
 
 80 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Cow— They're kind, indeed, more so that they are 
 strangers 
 Almost, and fortunate in living well 
 On hearty fare that is a treat to us. 
 Their calves will not die of starvation, 
 Such as befell one of our own last winter. 
 
 Third Calf — I wonder if we could break in all winter, 
 And keep from starving. I should think we could. 
 
 Third Cow— Oh no, we can't do that. The Squire will 
 see 
 That he must guard his hay from disappearing. 
 
 Fourth Heifer— If our Third Calf should get caught 
 eating there, 
 He would become ensnared and disappear. 
 (All laugh) 
 
 I should think that the Fourth Steer would disappear 
 From view since he performed so haughtily 
 Last night in his most strenuous attempt 
 To be so eloquent, and then not know 
 What constitutes the art of eloquence. 
 Big words, and hollow sounding phrases and clauses, 
 Are what he thinks should sway the multitude. 
 Our Fifth Steer seemed to make a good impression 
 Among the band. The Second Steer is smarter 
 Than many credit him. He was so dry 
 When his distinguished comrade terminated 
 His speech, that he could not hold back his thoughts. 
 
 8i 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fourth Cow — Oh he's no fool ; his lecture, too, was 
 good. 
 He can be eloquent, too, if he tries. 
 
 Fifth Steer — If I could have prepared myself a speech. 
 As did that sentimental heifer. 
 On some assigned theme, 1 think I should have 
 Done well, but not so well as did she for 
 I think she is some stronger than the Bullock, 
 And whom we know, from his great speech out here, 
 Is strong. But what a speech that Fourth Steer 
 
 made. 
 Of all attempts to be so eloquent. 
 And then to reflect himself an ignoramus. 
 His is the most ridiculous I know. 
 Just think of such expressions as these: 
 *'Of egotism impendent haughtiness; 
 Compatible to a demeanor; 
 Of philanthropic motive of endearment; 
 Contemporaries here beyond a cavil ; 
 Any of you are cognizant," and more 
 Of his expressions of endearment. 
 He just reverses the rule of eloquence 
 With which the river band seem well acquainted, 
 And that is nothing more than what I state: 
 When any one will rise in eloquence, 
 He will descend in language on a level 
 With those whom he addresses. Where then is he 
 Who soars and revels in flambouyency? 
 
 82 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Detached and floating high above his kind. 
 If he should fall what then? A bitter fall, 
 If he would recognize it as a fall ; 
 But then he wouldn't. He'd suffer death before 
 Seeing: his folly of flambouyancy. 
 Third Cow — The river band seem highly gratified 
 That he indulges in his brilliancy. 
 Good sport for them. Make fun of him at will ; 
 And yet he never recognizes it. 
 
 Fourth Cow — Mental gymnastics for his company: 
 Shrewdly poke fun at him, and he not know. 
 They used to butt the Second Steer around, 
 But they have learned to have respect for him 
 And treat him better than they did. 
 Fourth Heifer — For pure 
 Foolishness mixed with cleverness, he does 
 Not have a peer. He sings well, too, they say. 
 
 Third Calf — I thought his lecture was just grand. The 
 man 
 Up in the moon must have felt bad indeed, 
 When he could not give a loud shout last night 
 In answer to our shouts while banqueting. 
 He must have heard, for we all shouted loud 
 And everything was so quiet like 
 That we had every chance to be heard. 
 
 Third Cow — He must have cracked the ice up there last 
 night 
 Or else he cracked his face, while straining hard 
 
 83 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 To free himself from his imprisonment — 
 Cruel amidst such joyous festival. 
 And then there will be cold sores on his lips 
 Contracted while engaging in his task 
 Of freeing self from his adversary there, 
 Grim, cruel, relentless, grasping him 
 As tentacles of octopus entrapping 
 A victim in cold blooded heartlessness. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — But elevating more than anything 
 I ever heard was the appeal to Nature 
 Uttered by that refined Third Heifer 
 Discoursing on the beauty of the heavens 
 Arrayed in starry gems of glory there 
 Amidst the azure robes of stilly night, 
 Studding o'er head in canopy unfurled 
 From earth to vaulted skies a panorama 
 Of splendid vista both in magnitude 
 And brilliancy so rare, not marred by hands 
 In their creation, or in their shining on 
 Down through the ages past and future; 
 Not changed by our terrestrial upheavals 
 Disturbing earth and marring scenery; 
 Not changed by physical occurrences 
 So common to our life on this old globe, 
 But in continuing to shine so fair 
 In silver beams of light, as if they've shined 
 But for one day in twinkling, sparkling light. 
 They are the ceaseless, changeless, beauty fair, 
 
 84 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Undimmed in lustre shining through the ages — 
 The grandest view, by far, on our old earth. 
 
 Fifth Steer — So ho! our Fourth Heifer is inspired, 
 indeed. 
 She is as sentimental as her rival ; 
 And not flambouyent, either. I think she 
 Ought to have been the spokeheifer last night. 
 
 Fourth Cow — A pupil of the old school, I surmise, 
 In point of brilliancy apart from frills 
 Tacked on by artificiality. 
 Third Calf — She has been practicing some by herself 
 Since she has heard the Bullock speak so well 
 That day he came with the quartet and spoke 
 About the mountain scenery near us. 
 
 Third Cow— Her practice, though, would not make her 
 so brilliant, 
 Although it might unearth discovery 
 Of latent qualities of eloquence 
 And beauty of expression such as used 
 By her just then, a while ago. 
 
 Fifth Steer— Our speeches would stand comparison 
 with theirs, 
 Either in style and point of brilliancy 
 Combined to have appeal in oratory. 
 Ruggedness, innate in essential form, 
 Enters in, more or less, in speaking well. 
 Devoid of artificiality. 
 
 85 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Of artifice ingenuously used 
 
 Missing the mark by indirect approach. 
 
 Fourth Heifer — They don't deny that we are just as 
 good 
 As they in anything that they can do. 
 For they well recognize the fact that art 
 Of any kind may be made weak and flimsy 
 By too much cramming and luxuriousness 
 Surrounding germs of promising intent. 
 
 Fifth Steer — That is why we have more chance 
 In our developing some arts out here 
 Than some more favorably situated. 
 They have the extra means, but through neglect, 
 Or through the weakness of dependence on 
 Those whom they look for aid, that they will fail 
 Often when such dependence is withdrawn, 
 Leaving them much weaker than they were at first 
 Without the extra means at their command. 
 Certain ruggedness and initiative 
 Are necessary then, if we achieve. 
 
 Fourth Cow — Then certainly the Second Steer should 
 achieve, 
 And so, also the Fourth Steer should achieve, 
 If independence and initiative 
 Should be considered as the capital 
 For an achievement in their oratory. 
 
 86 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Cow— The Fourth Steer, though, is lacking 
 ruggedness 
 And loftiness in true expression. 
 His oily language and hyperbole 
 Are lofty, for they soar away above 
 The multitude — too lofty for true worth, 
 The Second Steer, though foolish as he is, 
 Could speak and sing, or do most anything 
 Of credit to his band. No fool is he. 
 Though foolish he may act, for way down deep, 
 He is sincere, and has the keenest sense 
 Of what should constitute pure foolishness 
 Apart from a sublimity of thoug-ht : 
 For while he may use the hyperbole. 
 It is for humor, and not for oratory. 
 While he is reveling in foolishness 
 The kernel of his thought is far too deep 
 For the ambitious and flambouyent steer. 
 Which goes to say that some possess the art 
 Of driving home a lesson, even while 
 They are pretending to discuss the theme 
 Apparently in nothing but a vein 
 Of humor, frivolous though it may seem. 
 
 Fifth Steer — But where could we find such a jolly band 
 Of cattle anywhere in all the world ; 
 For while they may not sanction some in their band 
 As far as eccentricity may go. 
 Yet they use that as working capital 
 On which to base their joys in rain or shine. 
 
 87 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 They are the ever happy band of cattle, 
 No matter what befalls them, here or there, 
 They are serene, complacent, not caring 
 Whether a danger is near them or far. 
 They are the ever happy band of cattle. 
 [Curtain] 
 
 Scene II. — The same, on the same afternoon, only 
 farther away, the river hand of cattle standing by them- 
 selves. 
 
 Bullock — The stars were shining luckily last night, 
 Brighter than they have ever shone for us. 
 Judged by the high tide of joyousness 
 Flooding in from the ebbing tide of joy. 
 Rising still higher than is usual ; 
 Buoying us up in ectasy of cheer; 
 Flooding the low-lands of the somber cattle; 
 Urging them upward into realms of bliss; 
 Obliterating cold responsiveness 
 From their chilling recollections of the past; 
 And stocking them with buoyancy of mirth 
 To cope with battles present and to come. 
 
 Third Steer — It certainly did let in rays of hope 
 That the world still shines on in its brightness, 
 Though I believe that they enjoy their life 
 Fully as well as we; and have ideals 
 No lower than are ours. Accustomed life 
 Has much to do with vision of discernment: 
 
 88 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Therefore their happiness may be assured 
 
 To be as actual as ours. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Admitted; but their participation 
 In an esthetic sense, in that great feast, 
 Would have the tendency to stimulate 
 The cultivation of those qualities 
 Toward ideals in which a recognition 
 Is given prominence of those ideals 
 That regulate the temperaments of minds. 
 Placidly smoothing, as it were, the coarseness 
 And roughness incident to coarser life. 
 Ignoring the finer polish which adorns 
 The life of the most highly cultured. 
 
 Second Steer — Polish may have the finesse of that 
 Which is deceptive, thus alluring you 
 Into belief of lofty excellence. 
 Crediting superiority of being, 
 And yet deceiving you by subtle fraud 
 More ignominious through such pretentions 
 Of inward faith through highly polished mirror 
 Reflecting- not what it pretends to be. 
 
 First Steer — Repartee, skillful in its term of truth 
 Applied in general conception. 
 And yet who in our band is too refined : 
 This culture would do grace to all of us. 
 
 Bullock — Our present culture now is eating grass, 
 Though much of real culture here is found 
 
 89 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Among the prairie herds as far as truth 
 Of genuine worth is displayed in Hfe. 
 And our Hfe here this summer has indeed 
 Broadened our conception of what 
 Should constitute our education. 
 
 Second Calf — This prairie life is the best kind of life 
 For growing stock who want to learn the ways 
 Of the outside world apart from fences and trees 
 And saucy magpies in the cottonwoods. 
 We've seen the snakes, the dogs and the coyotes; 
 Have heard the rattling snakes, the barking dogs 
 And the coyotes while yipping all around. 
 The owls, too, I forgot, those parasites 
 Who have clear sights all through the darkest nights. 
 
 First Calf — Staring and piercing those old parasites. 
 Although they live out in the country here, 
 They live in towns, that is, prairie dog towns. 
 
 Second Calf — They're metropolitan in character, 
 And parasites at that, who have the sight 
 To see affinity in social ways 
 To bring reward in cleverness well planned. 
 
 Second Heifer — They must consult astrology them- 
 selves, 
 Or else are lucky to be born just when 
 The signs are favorable to their cause 
 Much like we are without the parasites, 
 Although we have a pair of sights to see. 
 
 90 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Heifer — We are most fortunate, so far, in life 
 To keep our band together, faring well, 
 Scheming for hay, outwitting the good Squire 
 In stratagem successfully well done. 
 
 Second Cow — Although much hay was eaten in the 
 night, 
 It was not ill used, and will benefit 
 The Squire, except what the quintet has eaten. 
 
 First Cow — Well said ; what is our gain, is gain for him 
 Except the hay that was left under foot. 
 Aside from the intrinsic value gained 
 In the consumption of alfalfa hay, 
 There is derived the extra quality 
 Of benefit accruing from a change 
 So necessary in all walks of life. 
 Diversifying the monotony 
 Of fare, and minds grown weary by routine. 
 When such is the condition of our life. 
 We will not gain so rapidly in flesh 
 Until our diet is diversified, 
 And minds relieved from narrowness of view. 
 
 Second Cow — You do the subject justice when you say 
 That change of fare and also change of mind 
 Will broaden us in proper breadth of view 
 In which the status of perception 
 Is magnified to its correct adjustment. 
 
 91 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Hence, greater possibilities will loom 
 Up before the quintet, enlarging breadth 
 Of their horizon, as could not be done 
 In any other way but that in which 
 We choose to stimulate activity 
 Of their mental process of perception. 
 
 Second Steer — The Squire will have his mental qualities 
 Enlarged and his horizon lifted up, 
 Though I think with expense of temperament 
 Vexed by the general displeasure 
 In knowing that much hay has disappeared 
 Through nothing but a folly on his part. 
 
 Third Heifer — His star is not so lucky as our stars. 
 (All laugh) 
 
 Bullock — He will accept it though, as a joke on him, 
 And he will not lose any sleep for it, 
 As he is philosophical in mind; 
 And does not worry over the frivolous. 
 The hay destroyed and eaten there last night 
 Is not to be compared to the great flood 
 As far as devastation is concerned 
 Both in the hay and other property 
 Destroyed last Summer by that agency. 
 He may have reached the point when a large loss 
 Will not endanger sleep from its full time. 
 And then besides, the fact that we broke in 
 And feasted on hay, may make him think on us: 
 
 92 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 That it is time that he were taking us 
 Off of the range, and feeding us his hay; 
 That chilly winds are chilling us out here, 
 Shifting as best we can on grama grass 
 Now dry and scarce among the sage-brush here: 
 That his compassion will be turned on us 
 When, round his fire, he smokes his pipe of cheer. 
 He fares well yet; on that you can depend, 
 And it will not be long until we fare 
 As well as he. 
 
 First Steer — Corrals down near the river 
 Are more inviting now than ever known. 
 Each season in its time of ripening, 
 Into a fruitful harvest has abode 
 Where best we can enjoy its rich fruition. 
 The prairie now has lost its charm for us 
 Since its fruition has most disappeared. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Tasting of sumptuous fare hath indeed 
 Imbued in us the sense of satisfaction 
 By actuality, more than by dreams, 
 Anticipating fond luxuriousness, 
 Reveling in that state of livelihood 
 Wherein the savor of alfalfa hay 
 Is a creation of that which is false. 
 
 Third Steer — Correct in reasoning, I surely say; 
 But what sensation could there be more pleasant 
 Than the anticipation of a feast 
 The like of which we had down there last night; 
 
 93 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 When scanty vegetation clothes the prairies ; 
 
 When sweeping winds are blowing hard and cold ; 
 
 Where natural protection is so scarce; 
 
 Then it is when we naturally turn 
 
 To fanciful creations, bettering 
 
 Us still the more when we are realizing 
 
 Fond dreams of sweet alfalfa hay in stack. 
 
 Second Heifer — Such feasting will not spoil us in the 
 least ; 
 But the quintet will have to exercise 
 Strong power of their wills in overcoming 
 An attitude of temporary gloom 
 In their acceptance of their harder lot 
 Befalling them in race of prairie life. 
 
 First Cow — It may cause them to diverge from prairie 
 fare 
 Becoming pirates from the range to steal 
 Through any barrier surrounding hay, 
 Successfully evading all attempts 
 To hinder them from sharing in more feasts. 
 But if they do, their hurts and wounds from wire 
 Will have poor balm to soothe them in the cold. 
 
 Second Cow — Recklessness often wins against the wire. 
 But if there are enough of wires stretched tight, 
 Their cause will have no favor in their trade ; 
 Instead a disappointment stares them hard, 
 Cruel, no doubt, but yet of no recourse. 
 
 94 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Steer — Before all fences were rendered barriers, 
 They would have filled their stomachs many times, 
 Until, perhaps, some rancher would corral 
 The wandering intruders, and then feed 
 Them on alfalfa hay, as though they were 
 His own, which they would be, if not soon claimed. 
 
 Third Heifer — It would be a most happy termination 
 For them, if they were fortunate enough 
 To fall as heirs, inheriting good fortune 
 In their adopted homes, bequeathing them 
 The just and sacred heritage of keep. 
 
 First Steer — We should be more concerned about our- 
 selves. 
 They will get through the winter, well, perhaps. 
 We may get hungry here ourselves before 
 The Squire will feed us his alfalfa hay. 
 It takes some rustling now to satisfy 
 Our hunger while we are out on the range. 
 The dairy cows have been withdrawn from lack 
 Of grass; for too much traveling reduces 
 The flow of milk, essential to their keep. 
 The Squire, perhaps, thinks he can stretch our feed 
 Until he is compelled to take us back. 
 
 Bullock — That is the situation now with us. 
 
 And, no doubt, he has fixed his wire gate well, 
 Excluding us from further banqueting. 
 So we must now accept the situation. 
 What e'er befalls, until the change is made, 
 
 95 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Which will remove us from our simple fare 
 
 And place us where we will have much to gain. 
 
 Patience should then command its due in us. 
 
 Stability comes not from anxiousness, 
 
 But rather a forbearance of our likes 
 
 To do that which rushes us on to hazards. 
 
 The time will pass more speedily with us 
 
 If we accept the present as it is, 
 
 Feasting if it is possible to do; 
 
 But if such fortune does not smile on us, 
 
 We will be happily concerned in life 
 
 Enjoying the fruition of the range, 
 
 As well behooves our kind where'er we are. 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 96 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 ACT V. 
 
 Scene — Their old pasture field on the river bottom, 
 near the cottonwoods. 
 
 Time — Early November. 
 
 {Enter all but quintet with high spirits and frolicing) 
 
 First Steer — Indeed we were born under lucky stars, 
 Since we're permitted to run in here this fall 
 And winter, gamboling if we desire 
 In exercise which sends the pounding blood 
 To keep us warm in chilly atmosphere ; 
 Limbers the joints, and stretches the muscles; 
 Refreshing body, and the mind with vim 
 Which the Squire's alfalfa hay has stored in us. 
 Corrals are good confinement in the night 
 When friendly sheds protect us from the winds. 
 But through the day this river pasture field 
 And grove of cottonwoods is best for us 
 Where we may drink and run, and frisk and play 
 Throughout the middle of the live-long day. 
 
 Bullock — You would do wrong if you did not speak 
 thus ; 
 For it is but the outburst of our spirits 
 When we indulge in gamboling hard ; 
 Chasing and butting, running all around, 
 Until we're satisfied in exercising 
 Our stored up energy of nutriment. 
 
 97 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 It is, in fact, the season of the year 
 
 When quickening blood must course in arteries, 
 
 And acting as a stimulant to warm 
 
 Us is a quickened energy of action. 
 
 Well we enjoyed the shade last Summertime, 
 
 When overtime Old Sol was working long, 
 
 And we lay down beneath the friendly shade, 
 
 Conversing through the Summer afternoons, 
 
 Or singing songs of sentiment or cheer, 
 
 And dozing into sleep, all care dismissed 
 
 Into that land where dreams are nourished sweet ; 
 
 Lounging around in lazy attitude ; 
 
 Eating green grass in cool of evening ; 
 
 But now how different it is from then; 
 
 For if we seek the trees, it is that we 
 
 Go for protection from the chilly winds. 
 
 And also change of run- way in our runs 
 
 As to and fro we frisk and roam at will. 
 
 Third Steer — We are most fortunate, indeed, in that 
 None of our company, so far, have been selected 
 To journey to that realm where shambles reign : 
 From where no traveler has yet returned. 
 And we have reason to believe that none 
 Of us shall be compelled to go that way, 
 Until, perhaps, another year or so. 
 
 Second Steer — The Squire must live on swine, or else 
 the calves 
 Would have already graced his dining board. 
 
 98 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 But as for us, the Squire must feel most kind. 
 He has his reasons though, and we will fall 
 The victims of some butcher's cruel block. 
 Sooner than we would think it come to pass. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Carnal of you that you would think on 
 this. 
 We should exalt ourselves to higher view 
 Than to indulge in carnal appetites — 
 Appetites in the sense of dignity 
 Compatible to sensibility 
 In which the carnal appetites are placed 
 Far down the list comprising cultured bovines. 
 That we are envied by all the bovines. 
 Needs no elucidation here by me. 
 Why then should we drag down ourselves in thought 
 When it is possible to qualify 
 Ourselves in that exalted sphere of bliss 
 Which knows no condescension of our pride. 
 I'll run away now for some exercise. 
 (Exit Fourth Steer) 
 
 Second Steer — And I will follow him. 
 (Exit Second Steer) 
 
 First Calf — (To Second Calf) And here we go. 
 (Exit both calves) 
 
 First Heifer — Two of a kind pursuing oddities. 
 Though one is foolish, the other smart. 
 The foolish one is smarter than the smart. 
 
 99 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Cow — We ought to make them entertain our band 
 When they return from running through the grove. 
 
 Second Heifer — If nothing else is suggested, I suggest 
 That they should ask conundrums when they join 
 Us here. 
 
 Third Heifer — That will be good. The Second Steer 
 Is capable though, when it comes to singing. 
 
 First Cow — The Fourth Steer, though, if left to his 
 wishes, 
 Would paralyze us with his eloquence. 
 So I believe that we should make them ask 
 Conundrums, now that they have left us alone. 
 
 Third Steer — We then could vary our proceedings here : 
 Propound conundrums, sing some hearty songs. 
 Either in solos, or in combination. 
 There is much music here among our band 
 Even among those outside of the quartet. 
 These members should have training and be coached. 
 And then our chorus work will be improved. 
 
 Bullet — Yes, training of the individuals 
 Would greatly aid our choral company. 
 Though singing in the chorus stimulates 
 Desire to sing alone: timidity 
 Soon disappears, and then they do their best 
 When not supported by all the company. 
 
 First Steer — When they return, we'll have them do our 
 will. 
 No matter how perplexing it may seem. 
 
 100 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 We have some time before we are corraled, 
 And fed our evening's alfalfa hay. 
 
 Third Steer — Asking conundrums is much easier 
 Sometimes, than answering them properly. 
 
 Third Steer — It will give us an appetite for hay, 
 
 In mental recreation, which we need. 
 First Steer — Just so ; the mind should not be overlooked. 
 
 Since we are now well fed in the corrals 
 
 Without our rustling for grama grass, 
 
 We should indulge in hearty recreation 
 
 Whenever it is possible for us, 
 
 Developing along the cultured lines. 
 
 Now that we have the opportunity. 
 Bullock — Yes, though the cold may come, and snow may 
 fall, 
 
 We have no winter cares to worry us. 
 
 We can be happy as we were last Spring, 
 
 And that we know was something marvelous : 
 
 When even all the feathered creation 
 
 Did vie with us in envious delight : 
 
 Chirping dissatisfaction of their state 
 
 In tones of positiveness, loud and clear : 
 
 We were the fit embodiment of song. 
 
 Ringing all through the air in melody. 
 
 We should be well contented in here this Fall; 
 
 For even Summertime has its own pangs; 
 
 Witness: the flood so fresh in memory. 
 
 Where once was green with grass, now rubbish is. 
 
 lOI 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Cow — ^Which will supply the Squire with wood to 
 burn, 
 Keeping him warm through all the wintertime. 
 Ill wind that blows not something good in turn. 
 The sediment, too, fertilizes the land, 
 Which is a gain if the river does not wash 
 Some land away in wild, careering course, 
 Shifting from one side to the other. 
 
 Second Heifer — More harm than good, though, comes 
 from river floods. 
 They fill the irrigating ditches with sand. 
 Black mud, and sediment ; much time is spent 
 And labor, too, in cleaning them again. 
 
 Second Cow — We know there is much harm from river 
 floods. 
 But then the river needs much channel room. 
 And farming near it must result in loss. 
 Floods, too, are often caused by forests cut. 
 Denuding soil of its vegetation, 
 Causing the snow to quickly melt and run. 
 Gathering fast, and swelling mountain streams : 
 Folly of man doth have its penalty. 
 
 Second Heifer — The flood last Summer, though, was 
 caused by burst 
 Of reservoir in air : for that the man 
 Was not to blame, except for living near 
 The river bank, and thus exposing self 
 To a high flood of inundating sweep. 
 
 102 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Steer — Here come the rebels. 
 
 (Enter Second and Fourth Steers and Calves) 
 Now you must give ear 
 To what we say, and promise that you will 
 Obey without recourse on your own part. 
 
 Second Steer — You mean to say that we should have 
 no voice 
 In doing that which would be pleasing you. 
 
 Fourth Steer — That is an imposition heaped on us 
 To do your bidding without our consent. 
 
 Third Steer — Oh it is nothing more than you should do 
 If you think well on entertaining us — 
 A privilege that you should deem a favor 
 In that you have been entertained by us — 
 Many the time, the place and season. 
 
 Fourth Steer — If 'tis a speech, I'll do my very best. 
 
 First Steer — Oh yes ; you're willing ; that is all we want. 
 We just want you to think of some conundrums. 
 
 First Calf — We can do that, I know, without much 
 trouble. 
 
 Second Calf — Asking conundrums is much easier 
 Than answering them in correct reply. 
 
 Bullock — Then who will be the first to query us? 
 
 Second Steer — I am ; why was the flood like the great 
 deluge ? 
 
 103 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Third Heifer — These two floods could be alike in many 
 ways. 
 
 Second Steer — I mean in the respect to our own selves. 
 
 Second Heifer — Because there were some animals sub- 
 merged. 
 
 First Cow — Because they rushed to higher ground. 
 (All think awhile) 
 
 Bullock — Because all else was left behind. 
 Second Steer — No; they are not quite right; because it 
 saved 
 The best in species. 
 
 Third Steer — That's a good one. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Why was the banquet like the monu- 
 ment 
 Erected on Bunker Hill? 
 
 Second Cow — So that must be 
 A patriotic one. 
 
 First Cow — Because it paid 
 
 A tribute to much ingenuity. 
 
 Fourth Steer — A good reply, but not the best one 
 though. 
 
 First Heifer — Because the carnage was commemorated. 
 (All laugh) 
 
 104 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Fourth Steer — Good answer but not mine. Because it 
 was 
 Provocative of eloquence. (All laugh) 
 
 Bullock — The calves 
 
 Should know of some conundrums by this time. 
 
 Second Calf — Why was the banquet like the siege of 
 Yorktown ? 
 
 (All the queried say together) 
 
 Why was the banquet like the siege of Yorktown? 
 
 (All mumble the query in whole, or in part) 
 
 First Heifer — Because there was capitulation. 
 (All laugh) 
 
 Second Calf — No: 
 Not quite right. 
 
 Third Steer — Then, because hilarity 
 Was much in evidence, when victory 
 Had come. 
 
 Second Calf — No ; just because it was attended 
 By the allies. 
 
 First Calf — Why should giraffes be envied most of all 
 If all the animals were banqueted? 
 
 Third Heifer— Because he could reach farther than the 
 others. 
 
 105 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Bullock — Because his kick would be severe ; and so 
 He would compel attention to his toast. 
 
 First Cow — I should think that the elephant would be 
 Envied of all, for he could blow the most. 
 
 (All laugh) 
 
 Second Cow — Then just because he could look down on 
 them. 
 
 First Calf — That would be true; they would look up 
 to him. 
 But I was thinking of an answer thus : 
 Because his taste of food would last the longest. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Now if the animals were banqueted, 
 Why should the elephant be the chief speaker? 
 
 First Cow — Not what I stated, because he blows the 
 most? 
 
 Fourth Steer — No. that's not it. 
 
 (All think and mumble) 
 First Heifer — Because he is the largest. 
 
 (Fourth Steer shakes his head) 
 Second Heifer — Because he is the smartest of them all. 
 
 Third Heifer — Because he weighs the most ; so careful, 
 Deliberate, pronouncing plain and loud. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Not quite; he has the trunk, or main 
 part. 
 (All laugh heartily) 
 
 io6 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Second Steer — What animal has been the most unlucky ? 
 
 Third Steer — We ought to guess that question, surely. 
 
 Bullock — It must be the giraffe, for all his parts 
 Get terminated in the neck. 
 
 First Steer — Perhaps 
 
 The elephant: his smartness costs him much: 
 He can perform in circuses, or draw loads. 
 
 Second Steer — What say the others now ? 
 
 (All think again) 
 
 The zebra, for 
 
 He wears the stripes. 
 
 Bullock — We must confess you have the best of us. 
 We now might vary here somewhat, and ask 
 Each other some conundrums, when we think 
 Of them. 
 
 Second Cow — How do we know the cow had jumped 
 Over the moon? 
 
 Second Steer — Because the man up there 
 Has had his ice-cream — separated cream 
 At that. 
 
 Second Cow — Correct. (All laugh) 
 
 First Steer — I think we should have run 
 Away, instead of they. 
 Rest of Herd — Just so! we should! 
 
 107 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 Bullock — We knew they were as capable as we, 
 And thought that they could be depended on. 
 To entertain us here this afternoon. 
 Conundrums are great favorites with us. 
 So let more follow, and try answer them. 
 
 Third Heifer — If all the animals were banqueted 
 Why would the lion be the best toastmaster ? 
 
 First Calf — It must be that he is the king of beasts. 
 
 Third Heifer — That would not necessarily be it. 
 
 Fourth Steer — Because he has the greatest dignity. 
 
 Third Heifer — Because his roar would silence all dis- 
 order. 
 
 Third Steer — Why was the donkey incorrectly named? 
 
 Second Calf — Because his bray does ill become him so. 
 He should be called the shrill bray. 
 
 Third Steer — Because he is called a don-key on the key. 
 
 Bullock — What animal in Africa is known 
 As the most stubborn one? 
 
 Second Steer — The lion would 
 
 Be a most stubborn one, if injured. 
 
 First Calf — So would the hippo pot a moose. 
 
 Bullock — I think 
 
 The zebra would be the most stubborn one, 
 For he is three-fifths bray. 
 
 io8 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Heifer — Big bears are like 
 Boa constrictors. Why? 
 
 Second Calf — Because they hug. 
 
 First Heifer — Correct. 
 
 Second Heifer — If monkeys were all large, why would 
 they make 
 Good baseball pitchers? 
 
 Second Cow — They make a long swing. 
 
 Second Heifer — That would be preparation for a throw. 
 My answer is : they throw the cocoa-nuts. 
 
 First Steer — Why is the Squire like an Indian ? 
 
 Third Steer — Because he does not worry for the future. 
 
 First Steer — Characteristic of them both, that's sure. 
 My answer is : he smokes his pipe of peace. 
 
 First Cow — Why was the Squire's alfalfa hay much like 
 Good watermelons in a patch? 
 
 First Calf — Because 
 
 They were both good to eat. 
 
 Bullock — Because they are 
 The best when stolen. 
 
 First Cow — Both are partly right. 
 
 It was appropriated for better use. 
 
 Bullock — We now have asked conundrums all around. 
 
 109 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 First Steer — It seems to me that singing is due. 
 We might have the quartet sing for us 
 
 All but Quartet — Let's have them sing. 
 
 Bullock — ^We'U sing our song entitled : 
 
 SOON THERE WILL COME THE WINTER 
 
 TIME 
 
 1. The autumn season now is past, 
 When vegetation all is dead; 
 
 When sharp, cold winds are blowing here 
 And frost is in the air o'er head. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (In parts) 
 
 Soon there will come the winter time, 
 
 Tra la, tra la, tra la, tra la. 
 When frost and snow are glist'ning white; 
 
 Tra la, tra la, tra la, tra la, 
 When we are feasting on the hay 
 
 Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes, oh yes. 
 In our corrals there in the night. 
 
 2. Then in the winter days we roam. 
 As o'er the hardened ground we play, 
 To chase, to butt, and racing hard 
 All through the middle of the day. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 no 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 3. Most days are clear and sunny here, 
 Thus soft'ning air and making bright 
 The days in winter time for us, 
 
 And cheering us all through the night. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 4. So happy then we'll ever be 
 
 Down here in our old pasture field, 
 As through the winter time we go — 
 The many pleasures it will yield. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (Great applause) 
 
 First Steer — I think our Second Steer would gladden us 
 With one of his own solos ; for he is 
 One of our best. 
 
 Rest of Herd — Just so! let's have the solo. 
 
 Second Steer — I will sing one of my own compositions : 
 
 DOWN WHERE THE ARKANSAW IS 
 ROLLING ON 
 I. Far up in yon high mountains, picturesque, 
 I come to rush through canyons steep and high ; 
 And then to flow down to the valley wide 
 To irrigate the hay when it is dry. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 Down where the Arkansaw is rolling on, 
 Down through the groves of cotton- woods of old ; 
 Down where the magpies harp so saucily 
 Down where are dwelling heroes who are bold. 
 
 Ill 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 2. Though rushing floods may come to drive us out 
 Onto the range to graze on grama grass. 
 
 We all agree that here is the best place 
 We could find anywhere for time to pass. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 3. Beneath the cottonwoods we rest so well, 
 In summer time when sun is shining hot; 
 
 'Tis then we fall as heirs to sleep and dreams — 
 Such pleasures as those could not be forgot. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 4. We love to tread the sand and boulders there ; 
 We love to trail along through weeds and brush, 
 When going down to the swift Arkansaw 
 
 To satisfy our thirst in cattle rush. 
 
 CHORUS 
 
 (Great applause) 
 
 Bullock — That solo will only be strengthening 
 Our love we have for the old Arkansaw. 
 Now that we are in the mood for singing, 
 I think the calves can sing some cheerful song. 
 
 Second Calf — Our favorite song is one we sang last 
 Spring. 
 We know it by the title of : 
 
 OUR DUET 
 
 (Calves sing the Duet as given in Act I.) 
 Scene II. — Applause for encore. 
 (Calves then sing several choruses) 
 
 112 
 
The Moonlight Banquet 
 
 chorus no. i. 
 
 Then two plus two are equal four 
 Without our counting them on ground: 
 For that we knew here long before 
 Our A B C's were brought around. 
 
 CHORUS NO. 2 
 
 Feasting here while the Squire sleeps soundly on, 
 All through the night until the break of day, 
 Knowing not of our merry banqueting — 
 Eating and wasting his alfalfa hay. 
 
 {Great applause) 
 
 Bullock — We now are where all here can join in song. 
 The last we'll sing. And all will choose their parts, 
 According to their capabilities. 
 We'll sing: A BAND OF HAPPY CATTLE, WE. 
 (All sing the song as given in Act I, Scene II, for 
 grand finale) 
 
 [Curtain] 
 
 113 
 
AUG 13 1910 
 
One copy del. to Cat. Div. 
 
 Aye is 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 lllliil 
 
 015 937 735 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 f •'- -!HFv.V':im''.->,3)::'<