-^^, ' ' » « s -> ^ 5^ "X. 'J><> i-y^^ ^v "'^. ^^ '^<> A-V X^ x\^' '^y^. -.. ,^\ j"* s'' .^-ss, . <" <-3 Sj0 ^0 ..V -i x^- -.^ V >^-^«®^j«jr.^- .^-<^v ^^> .^X'^' ^.«./"^ \^".-., r.'r%, ^ '^'^ .ID 'O "^ , A t V C "^ " <^ ,.:' -'-. yOo^ '' ,<^ ^& f:_^J'% °Amw.^ '\^^ r * oi-' $^ -5^. * A^' >^- r .''.^^<^^^". ^r "ct. / / Designed by Anderson, engraver. You must leave me ; some one is coming." P. 181. FIRST AND SECOND EXCURSION TO FAIRIS^ BEING A FORTNIGHT'S RAMBLE; TOGETHER WITH HIS SUBSEQUENT VISIT. M^^ BY THE CH. R***. l/^ XRANSLATED FROM THE FRENCH, BYFJR.9J^CIS LEVESQUE, Sr. I'ROFESSOR OF LANGUAGES, AND SWORN TRANSLATOR. NEW-YORK : PUBLISHED BY FRANCIS LEVESQUE, Si. NO. 146 CHAMBER-STREET. 1814. ^* 1890 * '"^ c='-t^,.^_^^ \.^. 7 ■^- ^'^^ J^/.^;^ E IT REMEMBERED, that on the twenty-fourth day of May, in the thirty -scTentti year of the Independence of the United States "of America, Francis Laresque, of the said District, hatli deposited in this ofBee the title of a Book, the right whereof he claims as Proprietor, in the words following, to wit: Lord D*»»V Tint and Seeotvi Excursion to Paris, being a Fortnight's Ramble, loxelher ivUh his subsequent Visit. By the Ch. R*'*. Translated from the French by Francis Levesgue. Sr. Professor of languages, and stvorn Translator. In conformity to the act of the Congress of the United States, entitled, "an act for the enconrauement of learning, by securing the copies of maps, charts, and books, to the authors and jn-oprietors of such copies, during the time thei-ein mentioned :" and also to an act entitled " an act Supplementary to an act, entitled an act for the encouragement of learning', by securing the copies of maps, charts, and books, to the authors and piTs- prietors of such copies, during the times therein mentioned, and extending the benefits thereof to the arts ofdpsigning, engraving, and etching histori- cal and other prims." THERON RUDD, Clerk of the District of Ifew-Tork. ^ CONTENTS. FIRST DAY. paSe- Arrival at Paris, and first acquaintances in that City,. .....:. 9 SECOND DAY. Decisive issue, - 44 THIRD DAY. Morning's event. Dangerous and singular visit. Another kind of cheat, . . . ,70 FOURTH DAY. Grievous alarm 5 loss seemingly repaired, . 87 FIFTH DAY. Stock-jobbing; great concerns; grievous disco- very, ........ 99 SIXTH DAY. Sad reflections. Change of scene. An honoura- ble visit. Second fall, • . . .106 SEVENTH DAY. What follows the amorous attempts. Plain-talk of an exalted courtesan with an ingenious ser- vant Singular agreement, . . . .126 IV CONTENTS. EIGHTH DAY. Pictures; composition of an eminent Painter; keen mora! reflections; French play; reflec- tions on Shakspeare and Moliere, . 145 NINTH DAY. A new acquaintance ; horse race. Meeting of a strange character, . . . . ,161 TENTH DAY. It is necessary for one never to reckon •without his host, 1 70 ELEVENTH DAY. A new piece of folly. Hope deceived, . .178 TWELFTH DAY. The Doctor's prudence ; his retreat, . .186 THIRTEENTH DAY. Additional and unexpected misfortunes. Griev- ous disgrace. Consolation. Extraordinary meeting, 190 FOURTEENTH DAY. What kind of a man was my Provensal. My leaving prison, . . . ; . .207 FIFTEENTH DAY. Wise reflections on a defective law. Adieu and parting, ....... 226 PREFACE. The translation of this Fortnight^s Ram- ble is the only one hitherto written. It has been carefully revised, and such errors cor- rected as were apparent. Though the title given, together with the whole work, is a faithful translation of the original ; yet every thing that was thought interesting, has been taken and condensed, together with the introduction of such new matter as occurred in the perusal of other jaaemoirs, in reference to the time when this excursion was made, from materials in the possession of the translator, who proposes shortly to present them to the public. ADVERTISEMENT. THIS work is written for the instruction and bene- fit of all foreigners who may, from inexperience, be se- duced into the snares of the artful and debased, who so numerously infest large cities. It would even be of importance, if parents Avere to put this narrative into the hands of those whom they send abroad; it might prove a useful manual, by exposing the vices of the gayest city in the world. LORD D***'s FIRST AND SECOND EXCURSION TO PARIS BEING A FORTNIGHT'S RAMBLE. PIUST DAY. Arrival at Paris, and first acquaintances in that City, After six years' absence from France, I am now on my second journey to Paris ; the first was a tour of fifteen days. I have spent more than six years in reflecting" on tlie many follies witnessed there in that pe- riod, and now publish an account, in order to instruct my poor countrymen, whom with grief I have observed treading the same steps. After such an absence, that city ap- peared very different. I had then hardly at- tained my eighteenth year ; and I hope, for my honour, that evei-y line will demonstrate the very humble confession which follows. In 177], I left London with the retinue, equipage, and the dispositions of the most 14 A Fortniyhi's Ramble. part of our starlings ; that is to say, with u good coach, two English footmen, a con- fidential provensal valet, and letters of cre- dit to a considerable amount; the pro- duct destined to defray the expenses during the whole course of my journies, which were to embrace many great states in Europe. But, unhappily, I took my route through France ; and enjoyed a very short period of being called My Lord, by all the courtesans, sharpers, chimney-sweepers, and subalterns of every kind in the city. Arrived at Calais, I met M. S , and after having hired one of those interpreter footmen whom it is customary to take, in order to make up the deficiencies as respects language, of which our English servants are ignorant, we took the road to Paris. Kotwithstauding the skill and effrontery of my provensal, I increased my retinue with one of them, who drove us without accident to P. R 's Hotel, St. Germain suburb. This house had been recommended to me at Calais by le Sieur Desaint, as the one at which all the Lords of our nation resort- ed, and the only hotel that became a man who travelled in a berlin, and bearer of twelve thousand pound sterling. My pride A Fortnight's Ramble. lo yielded to show, and unhappily 1 had all the good will possible to become the dupe of the splendour of a furnished and repu- table hotel. The Sieur Beam, a most civil and cour- teous landlord, came to receive me at my stepping from the coach : and from that in- stant, he gilded the pill by the most humble politeness, which bore a character of such moving honesty, that I really believed him to be the most obliging man in France, if not one who sustained the greatest probity. So great was my infatuation, that, like the citizen nobleman of Moliere, I would with pleasure have given him a guinea for every bow he made. They were, however, so swift and so incessant, that he wouhl have emptied my purse quicker than the jour- neyman taylor drained that of Mr. Jordan. His head down, and body half bent, my landlord, with a flambeau in hand, walked before me with profound respect ; and led me into a fine spacious drawing-room in the first story. After making me examine its elegance and convenience, he declared that I should pay but forty guineas a month ; to which proposition, he added a list of all the peers of England, who had been pleas- 16 A FortniyhCs Ramble. ed with it on the same terms, and ended his conversation by an insinuation equally dex- terous and kind — of the many gratifications they added gratuitously, as marks of satis- faction for his personally waiting on them. I had too much ostentation and ignorance lo contradict the perfidious inn-keeper ; therefore I remained in possession of the first story, with the certain tax of forty guineas per month, besides other speculations he had beforehand grounded on my kitchen, equipage, and all the other extravagancies I had the appearance of requiring during my stay. After having been lulled into a profound sleep, with the pleasing dreams and the foretaste the pleasures of Paris occasioned, I was awakened by one of the two hired ser- vants the Sieur Beam's care had added to my retinue ; who brouoht me word that Doctor *** had already called with the intention of a full visit, and in order not to disturb my sleep, he had put off his respect to twelve o'clock. It was no more than ten in the morning ; I did not know the Doctor, and could not conjecture what in- terest he could have for a being who he could only have been apprized of within A Fortnight's ilamhle. 17 fifteen hours : 1 however was determined to wait for this oblig^ing- visitor ; from whom I might possibly learn something useful, or at least some merry conceit, worthy of the fickle wit of the nation which I had come to study. I then waited for him. During" the two hours that passed until his return, I was as- sailed with a multitude of shop-keepers, stage players, taylors, professors of lan- guages, and dancing masters. Little ac- customed then to the ways and manners of the world, the only conclusion I drew from these interested visits, was to apply to my own person a foolish importance, that could be but the raving and petty pride of my youth. At last the Doctor made his ap- pearance, and confirmed my opinion. I will give the description of this man at some length, because he had a great share in all the extravagancies that have signaliz- ed my beginning in the world. Let one fancy a face in which is described a mix- ture of impudence, taken at first for an ho- nest boldness, with a smile that expresses at the first glance a friendly zeal, but allayed with a kind of reverence, so as to single out the silly and studied politeness of a subal- B 2 18 yi Fortni(/hfs Ramble, tern intriguer without wit; a small head wrapped in two curls of hair the big'ness of an arm, and fifteen inches long, proceeding from the brows, stretching in a circumflex way three inches under the ears, in order to meet the nape of the neck, where it formed an enormous bulk ; the whole smoothed and highly greased, resembling a huge shell, al- most secreting a small head from observa- tion ; when it was discovered, one would vainly have sought for traits of knowledge or understanding in the features of his face. The fancy pemwig, of which 1 have drawn the picture, had for support a body length- ened upwards like a vine prop, the limbs be- ing largest at the end ; and together giving an altitude of about seven English feet; this complicated piece of contrivance was clothed with a coat that announced at least a marquis, by its uncommon taste. A long- sword rattled at the place where elastic plumpness would have graced its move- ment ; long fingers, placed at the end of a broad hand, were in a ridiculous manner loaded with rings of some value, which I have since learned were so many rewards for good offices rendered to some of my wealthy countrymen ; I shall hereafter have A Fortni(/hfs Ramble. 19 an opportunity to sliow the nature thereof. The crash of twenty toys tokl me from the parlour there was something much hke a mule ; but it had only the moral resem- blance with the family of that creature. Such was the Doctor's exterior. As soon as he mentioned his titles, and declared him- self a member of the faculty, I could not forbear to recall to my mind, when in Eng- land, it had been foretold, that on my arrival in France, I should lind every thing more sin- gular and elegant, than rational and learn- ed. I caused the glittering Esculapius to sit down, and handed him a cup of tea which I had yet before me, waiting with some im- patience for him to explain himself as to the motives of his visit. The Doctor expressed himself in English with readiness -, but his accent was not pure: I judged him to be a native of I , and it was not long before he gave me an op- portunity to ascertain it. After the com- pliments and general offers of services, cus- tomary in the interview of a new acquaint- ance, were over, he went on thus : " It ap- pears to me, that my lord is to make some stay in this city ; at his age people come to seek for pleasure, and one seldom fails to 20 A FortnighCs Ramble. find it; but it is necessary to have a select society, and one could not be too nice in its choice. He oug'ht also to have a know- ledg"e of the language. I should be most pleased to deserve so much of his confi- dence, as to depend on me for those mat- ters." To this courteous introduction, he added the names of the peers and gentle- men of England, with whom he had had some connexion : I knew the names of a great many kinsmen and friends. That gave more warmth to our conversation; he talked of their gratitude and generosity. He even showed me jewels and likenesses, which he called precious remembrances of his dear friends, Lord such a one. Sir such a one, Mr. such a one. Seduced by these tokens of their friendship towards him, and the warmth of his offers, I was insensibly led to grant him my confidence, and in the unknown country 1 was in, to be guided by his advice. I accordingly invited him to dinner; he promised that in order to please me, he would break off an engagement of moment, and stepped out, promising he ■would return to my company. The Doctor had scarcely turned his back, ■when the interpreter footman, with the two yi Forlniyht's Ramble. 21 hired servants I had from the landlord, came in to praise him. They were inex- haustible in their commendation towards that man, who indeed blended profit with pleasm*e. All this was uttered with so lit- tle affectation, and so much cunning, it has required facts in order to convince me of the intelligence of the Panegyrist with the Saint : Surely it is not at the age of eigh- teen, one suspects that raffled intriguers are apt to buy fame from knaves in livery. By the talking of this eloquent pack of servants, as much was said of the parties of plea- sure the Doctor had made, as the cures he had performed. It is true they followed one another. Whilst digesting my break- fast, and reading carelessly the Stranger's Guide, or Paris Almanac, Mr. Tuft was deeply engaged in the art of paper curls, in order to give a French style to my head. This useful employment took two hours, which made a part of the time which the Doctor spent in visiting in the neighbour- hood. Englishmen resort in crowds in Saint Germam suburb : and of those that come in it of any note, not one escapes the Doctor's attention. Happily he never un- dertakes to cure them of those evils, that 22 A Fortnir/hi's Ramble, have a destructive tendency, which cure would require great medical sagacity. Since my knowledge of him, I have o)3served that he adroitly declined every thing- which was of a complicated and dangerous nature, in order to attend solely to accidental diseases. No doubt his practice in that way must be most shining, inasmuch, while he cures them with one hand, he maims them with the other. He came in exactly at three; and at an exhorbitant price did the Sieur Beam give us a slender dinner. The sight thereof pro- voked the Doctor, and, with far more con- fidence than myself, he scolded louder than I should have presumed to do. From that instant, he took on himself to regulate my house. As a requital for the dissatisfaction he showed in seeing me so ill attended, I thought I should prevent the excess. " It is true, Doctor," said I to him, " the entertain- ment is bad, but we may m turn set our- selves a drinking excellent Burgundy wine." " Tjet us see," said he with warmth. Thus speaking, he called for a glass which he held to his lips. '< From whence is this wine?" continued he, roughly. A hired servant trembling, answered him, it came from Pen- A ForinigMs Ramble. 2o tac. " Detestable poison," cried he aloud, " and worthy the accursed tavern where it was made!" Then applying to one of my men, he requested pen, mk, and paper; having written a few words : " Here," said he, " run to I , the king's wine merchant, tell him, whilst I am making out the order for an assortment, to send my lord one hun- dred flagons of his best Pomar wine." The easy and obedient servant, at his voice, dis- appeared like lightning. Unacquainted with the kind Doctor's shifts and pecu- liarities, I remained speechless with admi- ration, joy, and gratitude. It was not before the greatest exertion, that his conversation was revived : number- less words were lavished on the names of those people of note whom he was to apply to for my education, the most able masters of every kind he intended to select to attend me. Each expression ended as lx)llows : " Do not make yourself uneasy, this I take charge of — that 1 answer for." Then sue- ceeded the scandalous reports of all the pretty intrigues of our my lords vt'ith the opera beauties : who had had this one ; who had begun to set off that one ; the extrava- gancies lavished for them : the celebrity and 24 A ForlnlghCs Ramble. lively qualities of those ladies ; their faults and charms ; the danger of some of them, with a thousand pretty anecdotes and plea- sant tricks. All these particulars excited my curiosity, and enlivened the remainder of the dinner. As soon as vv^e were risen from table, the Doctor, assuming a serious and consequential air: ^* Pray, my lord, who is your banker?" "M. G ." "^The worse for it; and I am sorry it is not *** ; that is strange. Few excepted, there is not an Englishman of your note and rank, who is not recommended to him. Besides the greatest integrity and zeal for your concerns, you would have been connected with a house no less agreeable than the master^s sense and talents, associated with a numerous and se- lect company that resorts there for sport." — " Gambling ? how ! to a house where confi- dence ought ever to replenish the chest !" — " Principles of your heavy and scrupulous country ! A true speculative mind makes a real branch of trade of gambling. Please, my lord, to tell me, what difference do you make of one who should venture to thirty and forty, and those loose and doubtful spe- culations that are transacted in your public funds ? But we should in no wise allow A FoHni(/ht's Rambie. 25 that a banker who holds properly in trust, should sport it away in ruinous bets, for at least but his possible personal gain." He replied, •*No doubt your letters of credit are to a great amount." " On Paris, I have about twelve thousand pounds sterling." This piece of indiscrete communication, uttered with no less share of vanity than inexperience, gave full scope to the Doctor's views, by essen- tially satisfying his curiosity. " A pretty sum," he replied warmly ; " we might buy with it the whole city ! Well ! I will in- troduce you at the Baron ***'s ; you can there move in the most genteel circle of so- ciety ; he is a man of the first rank and, fortune, the reward of his superior talents ; in this country he astonishes the learned, not only from the novelty of his genius, but equally from the depth of his general know- ledge. At his house you will meet with a number of the most distinguished charac- ters; many of whom speak your tongue fluently : thus, in the meanwhile, as the Abbot F***'s lessons have qualified you to participate in the French language, you will be agreeably diverted." I thanked the JPoctor for his many works of kuidness. 26 A Fortnight's Ramble, He rose up, and pulling the bell ; " It is necessary," said he, " that I shouUl examine what kind of a carriage the landlord has provided for you ; let all these little details be left to me : I will take charge of them with pleasure ; and do my utmost, that you may not incur any imposition." " See," added he, with authority to one of my men who came in, " see if my lord's coach is rea- dy ;" and without waiting an answer ; " Let us step down," said he, " it is now six o'clock, we will visit the opera, and from thence go to the Baron ***^," Under the care of this extraordinary men^ tor, who thus made himself master of my person, I proceeded in a good hired coach, the back of it crowded with my servants, who by the Doctor's attention were each furnished with a cane : in an instant we were conveyed to the entrance of the Royal Palace. I alighted with my guide, who, without giving me time to view the build- ing, obtained in a hurry the play tickets from one of my most nimble hired ser- vants, who obeyed him upon the least sign, and swiftly hurried me into the play-house, in one of the balconies next to the stage, where he sat by my side. It was not long A Fortnight's Ramble. 27 before the curtain rose. For the first time, I heard that monstrous compound of blus- tering- and heavy music, executed without taste or animation, and capers without ex- pression, which French enthusiasm takes and gives for their first style of exhibition. Giving way to the heaviness that surround- ed me, I began to survey every corner of that immense house, and ended by casting my eyes on my companion ; whose optics were busily employed. I observed a kind of sympathetic understanding between his looks and those of some of the goddesses who were dancing on the stage. Every time the representation of some interlude brought these to our view, they seemed eagerly to eye my English dress and coun- tenance. — " It seems you take but little plea- sure in this noisy French music," said the Doctor. " But, if the scenes played on the stage occasion some indifference, one is amply indemnified," added he, with an expressive smile, " by those that take place behind the curtain." Holding out his hand to me at these words, he takes a stride over the three seats that were between the box door and us, and drew me along to the green- room. It was not long before I was con- 28 A FortnigMs Ramble. vinced of the esteem which the actresses had for him, and of the judicious and na ' iural partiality this dancing- swarm have for young Englishmen who are on their first visit in France. Miss ***, Miss ***, Miss ***, had at that moment ended a pas de trois ; they per- ceived my guide on their entrance, whose long figure exceeded two feet over the heads of a crowd of rakes of quality, who w^ere busy in lavishing gold and flattery on those divinities. I was along side of him; the fulness of my cravat, the length of the skirts of my coat, and a certain awkward- ness which we cannot divest ourselves oC for a year after leaving Oxford or Camr bridge, or at least a six months' residence at Paris, bespoke altogether the country of my birth. Too ignorant then how to observe and estimate the Doctor's winks, which, ever comprehensive to his artful associates, I was readily ensnared to fall a victim to their stratagems. The gilded train of mar- quisses were soon left to their grief, and my lord surrounded and ogled without mercy. Meanwhile, and unknown to me, the Doc- tor was getting ready an agreeable sup- per, and the more so, to surprise nae with the A Fortnight's Ramble. 29 Unexpected presence of two of the prettiest nymphs of the company, who with killing looks had uttered to me a few words of brok- en English. In order the more cunning^- ly to conceal the master piece of design he intended to unfold, he hastened to hurry me away from this enchanted place, by saying-, it was time that we should be at the Baron ***'s. We came to the door of his hotel in an instant, where the Doctor traversed the whole house with the same ease and freedom as if he had stept into his own. Af- ter having- gone through many rooms full of men with varied liveries^ he descried from the door of the first parlour, the Baron coming to welcome us. He was a man of a grave and phlegmatic countenance, whose strong and stuffed head bore an air of sys- tem, even in his bows and reception. His loud and heavy voice came out with slow- ness, followed by a hard and equal sound excessively important, even in the expres- sive complaisance of a good morrow. J was led into a drawing-room by the Ba- ron, where, in the midst of the confused noise of a great assembly, and the incum- brance of a number of card tables, 1 was pre- c 2 30 A Fortnight's Ramble. sented to the Baroness. The figure and ordU nary countenance of this lady was in ever\ respect the true counterpart of her husband. Hardly did she give herself time to return my first compliments, but hastily spreading a pack of cards, urged me to draw one, in order to sit down to a rubber of whist, that seemed by a decree of fate to await me. I never went into a house where there was so little of the usual chit-chat, and where one was so suddenly placed between kings of spades and diamonds. I submitted to custom, and began a tedious party with three strangers, an old maid, whose constant talk showed her designs ; an abbot, whose covetous looks, and application to play, .seemed to excel that of his breviary ; and an old military officer, on whom age had not imprinted in his features any traits of good nature, so much was his affected simplicity betrayed by his decayed manner and trick- ing. My mind was not at all at play. To the great grief of the antiquated beauty who sat opposite, and against my will, I threw a glance on every part of the room, and on the different characters who filled it. It was the most strange compound I had «ver witnessed. I was not then so able to judge of the same, as when better acquainted , A FortniyMs Rmnhie. 31 with the persons, and I had by a sad expe- rience ascertained the exactness of a Packet Boat's denonaination a merry fellow had given to that hotel. In the first instance, all that I saw of the chief employment of the house, was as much of politics as of gambling- ; for here and there were scatter- ed about a great variety of English pam- phlets and newspapers. The feathered hag, at least fifty years of age, and unfortunately my partner, was nevertheless incensed on account of my inattention to the game: for at times she would heave such a sigh, as if her whole soul was ready to vanish with it, or a shriek as sharp as a Cheapside market woman, when a lift was lost, for want of at- tention on my part — inwardly laughing whilst begging her most humble pardon. At length we were freed for a few Louis d'ors, and a swoon that suspended all the colour of her face for somfe minutes. While the company were preparing to withdraw, the master of the house desired to know if there was any gentleman com- plaisant enough to accompany Miss *** to her convent : this Vt'as my afflicted partner. The courteous Doctor, who had already taken the management of all that belonged to me, thought fit to dispose likewise of my S2 A Fortnight's Ramhle. person and coach. I could not withstand the superior sway he made use of. I pre- sented my hand to the old lady with as much ill grace as possible, and we left the room together. I percieved my complaisance had appeas- ed her, and her chagrin at my mistakes whilst at play, began to vanish from her mind. I discovered on the way from the hotel *** to the monastery, her excessive kindness, with the easy good grace thereof, led me to overlook the enormity of her pre- tensions : and at our adieu, I obtained leave to visit her on social terms. It was no small indulgence, considering I had not the trou- ble of requesting this favour, and in the mean- time observed how' yielding were the man.- ners of beauties at her advanced time of life. Hardly were we in the carriage, when the Doctor with warmth cried aloud to the coach- man to go into Richelieu-street : he accord- ingly whipped the horses, and on we flew. Then, said my companion, with a squeeze of the hand, " my dear friend, I have de- termined you should be fully revenged for all the disgust you must no doubt have felt this evening, by enjoying one of the prettiest suppers in Paris : for a person like you must divide his way of living between A FortniyMs Ramble. 33 serious and amusing- companies ; young and gay, with fine faces, and good sense : to pass through six months of such a life will leave far behind you the Marquis D***, and M***, two of the most accomplished noblemen in France; no doubt it will be most honourable to England." " My dear Doctor, truly, you are the most complaisant and the best of men. Happy is the stran- ger who can meet with such a friend. How ©bliging !" " Oh ! my lord," hastily replied the Doc- tor, " this flows from the easiness of my temper, and draws me into a share of all the pleasures which I procure for my coun- trymen, without my incurring any expense, but quite on the contrary" — " It is," said I to him, " a proof of the goodness of your heart." My mind having no improper in- clination, was then too much occupied to apply the strict and literal sense which, the Doctor's last expression so obviously im- plied. My coach stopped, we ahghted. The Doctor went first through a narrow and very dark stair-way ; and arrived at the first story, to a pretty neat and well lighted parlour. Two well dressed servants with- out livery were in waiting : one of them re- 34 A FortnigMs Ramhle. quested my name, when the Doctor replying^ on a sudden, large folding doors were thrown open* My eyes were struck with a most voluptuous and uncommon scene, known but at Paris, especially in similar re- sorts, where every means are employed that can fascinate the senses. The whole com-^ pany consisted of three fenaales ', who cheer- fully rose to receive my guide, at the same time showing me the most tender and offi- cious politeness. I recollected one of the ladies to be Miss **^, whose name I \vas told by the Doctor, when at the opera. The second was a friend; she called th6 third one, her mama. It is true, she looked old enough to give her the title of a matron, and it very well answered the purpose. I observed that Miss ***, was the sullanesis who reigned in the palace. I also perceiv- ed a complete understanding to exist be- tween the Doctor and the Dowager, They spoke in whispers, all which time the old lady's eyes were obliquely surveying me* The ancient features of the old shrew* show- ed a most cunning and covetous counte- nance, which seemed to infuse into their conversation the greatest apparent testimo- ny of affection and friendship. Julia was A Fortnight's Ramble. Qa Miss ***'s oampanion ; was less pretty : among the chiefs of the opera, it is a policy to be thus coupled. Every, time a man of note, (and that is known by the repute of his purse,) is expected, and any design is in- tended, if he is to be accompanied by a Doc- tor, or someptherpersonof like description, there is always a lesser beauty to be found that may chance to be the partner of the procurer.——** Well ! My Lord," said *** to me with a confidential and wanton look, " how do you fancy Paris ? Do you think our ladies appear as pretty as youp English beauties ? Surely you must have lost your heart by this time. So amiable and young a lord as you are, cannot long remain inattentive to female charms." To this sweet compliment, I made n6 other an- swer than: " Oh! not at all. Madam ;" which reply, in its pronunciation, must, to a French ear, have been both comical and unintelligible, accompanied with a stupid silliness, by playing the game of fingers on my hat, and holding myself as stift* as a Stick : my borrowed and silly looks would Jiave produced unfavourable impressions on the minds of persons of any other profession | but the knowing ones of the opera have a 36 A ForlniyMs Ramble. pleasure in removing- our bashfulness, and make us pay tbem well for their time and kindness. Miss *^*, in the same manner asked me more than fifty alluring questions ; which I answered with the artless repetition of my three monosyllables. I however ap- peared in their eyes a charming fellow, and halving a physiognomy that bespoke a great deal of wit. There was a time, when I sought to be praised for the many fine things which I thought I often uttered. In this delirium, I should have pocketed their praises and flattery, like the Doctpr's idle tales. The artful beauty who had undertaken my introduction, turning towards the Doc* tor with an amorous look^ said with a sigh : " My lord is very amiable, but he seems to be very indifferent : Ah ! no doubt he knows the beautiful du T*^'*, Avho is the belle of the day ; no other charms but hers are worthy attention." " 1 do not believe that my lord has the least idea of her," re- plied the Doctor ; " besides, he is too dis- cerning not to let justice give the palm to you." As this part of the conversation had in some way escaped me, and as my staring indiqated a wish to know their meanin^^ A FortnigMs Rumhk. 37 tiie Doctor liastened to give me its transla- tion. ** I confess, and without flattery, there js a great deal of difference," added he, ^* Miss D**^ is admilted to be one of the Sliest creatures in Paris, and one altogether free of those sentiments which too often dis- grace beauty." Eyed by Miss ***, " jMy lord," said she to me, with liveliness, and giving me gentle strokes on the fingers with her fan, " do speak French.*' I requested my interpreter to express my sorrow for not enjoying the facihty of discoursing with her, bat at least, I knew enough of the French tongue not to let any of her lovely witti- cisms escape unnoticed. In return for this compliment, I received a great many otherso ^* Well !" continued she, with sprightliness, '' teach me the English, and I will teach you the French." " With all my heart,'" answered I. Meanwhile, her glances vi- brated through every nerve, and fired my yery soul. A man far better clothed than the ser- vants, waiting in the parlour, whom I hav« since known to be at least the supposed fa- ther of Miss***, came to inform us, that sup- per was ready. *' Come, my lord," said this siymph, " give me your hand, and we will 38 A FortiiighCs Ramhk. be sealed tog-ether." — " Daug-liler, daiigli- ter," cried the matron, " it is not pfelty to be so forward with gentlemen !" " Mama," replied the other, with a frolicsome counte- nance, " this is my Eng-lish master." — We however instantly found ourselves in the hall. A table elegantly decorated, and iig-hted by twelve wax candles, supported by a chandelier which rose from the fouF angles of a sumptuous surtcut*. My scho- lar, who had placed me so near to her, that I felt somewhat embarrassed and ashamed, like a novice as I was, sat carelessly in an arm chair that took part of the fire. On the opposite side was the mama, and between Jier and the minor goddess the Doctor was placed. They eagerly helped me with de- licate morceaus, and by example forced me to drink sparkling wines. To a well sup- plied course, another succeeded no less savoury and delicious. The last was height- ened by an abundance of champain. Punch was circulated, in order to perfect the work, by pleasing me ; and as the pretty hand of the hostess squeezed the lemons, I could in ■ * A silver plale put on a large latlc, on vlilch ai-e placed flowers and fi'uil vases. A Fortnight's llamhle. S9 iio way refuse the libation. Every instant gave a more lively and animated turn to the conversation. One may easily fancy liow Mttle J was able to lake a share in it ; how- over I paid the expenses. The nymph per- ceiving that my senses were beginning to be affected, let out her pretty voice, and sang a tender air in a superior taste to her singing at the opera. Towards half after one in the morning, rising from table, after some merry jokes added to the pretty things said whilst at sup- per, a vingl-un was proposed by the mama. I was ignorant of the game. " Well ! my lord," said my pretty bewitched to me, *^ we will be in partnership ;" and taking me by the arm, led me to a green covered table that stood off at a few paces. They rang for cards ; ever^^ one took a seat ; I pulled out ray purse that contained about eighty louis d'ors. The deal was fortliwith given to me, and with my fluttering neigh- bour, who most dexterously left me the care of the advance money, I took charge of the bank. — If, whilst at the Baron's, I had had many causes of distraction, snrely I had more here ; for the feet, the eyes, and the iittle strokes on the knees above and imder 40 A FortniyMs R&mbk^ the table j the whale had a tendency to in- crease them. Deprived of part of my rea- son by the champain wine; even if my senses had been left entire, they would have been taken from me by such dangerous con- tacts. Therefore before the end of my bank, my eighty louis d*ors disappeared. In spite of my giddiness, I perceived my young partner's cunning and discreet mama had the three fourths of the gain on her side i and that the dear Doctor and the complai- sant friend had the other fourth. My part- ner complained but indifferently of her loss; in order to make up a new fund, she feigned pulling out some money from her pocketo But a change of clothes was a pretext for not having her purse on the toilet. I'o avoid the trouble of rising up, the Doctor, Ihe politest of men, handed me a roll of fif- ty louis. My nymph, offended at the in- flexibility of fate, as if let loose against my hand, wished in her turn to deal the cards : which was with infinite less luck than I had. Her mama, my lady, had an incredible good share of fortune; nothing withstood it, and in two deals the Doctor's roll fol- lowed the course of my gold. They had the kindnessj howeverj to postpone the A I'Mki^hts liamhle. 47 chance of revenge for us to another day, and agreed that that night my fair partner and myself were in a train of ill luck. Dur- ing the time of play, my fair Miss displayed a gold snuft-bqx of beautiful workmanship* sportingly playing with it. I expressed my admiration; and most ardently examined its beauties. It was given into my hands^ After having noticed its taste, workman- ship, and polish, I offered to return it: but my charming hostess would not consent* i\ly insisting, created a sham display of ill humour. Delighted at such a generous and o])liging attention, I was about mentioning to the Doctor that I at least would wish to make an equivalent exchange with her. The fair one, not less cunning than liberal, perceived at the same instant, a most beau- tiful diamond ring on my fingei-, which she gazed at with great avidity ; and whilst ca- j'essing my hand, I do not know how it happened, but it slipped naturally fi'om my finger, and found its way to heis. "Well!'* said she, with a childish simplicity, " If my lord does not wish to accept of my snuff- box, I will take his ring in exchange." It did not beconje the dignity of a peer of England to pay attention to the enormous D 2 42 A ForinigMs UamUe^ difference of value of those two jewels j be*. sides, the finger appeared so pretty, that in my moment of intoxication^ a ring worth Hfteen hundred guineas was not too precious to adorn it. No doubt such an extraordina- ry liberality heightened the brightness of the qualities it was found I possessed. Ani- mated eyes showed me but love and plea- sure: with a severe look and harsh voice, the prudent mama took that moment to de- clare, that it was high time to close the scene. " Come, girls," said she, " come, it is late : to-morrow we have a rehearsal at eleven o'clock, and we must now with- draw r" Familiar intimacy thus establish- ed, 1 obtained leave to bid her fare- well most expressively, with an English kiss. Partly supported by my people, and partly by my legs, after forming an infinite number of curved lines, I reached my €oaeh, and returned to my apartments for rest, intoxicated with wine, and pleased with my night's adventure, and escorted by the faithful Doctor, to whom I returned the roll of fifty louis wasted away at Miss ****&, before our morning's separation, 1 have heard that love sometimes takes away sleep ; surely it is not that lov« which A Fortnif/ht*s Jiamhie. 43 is acquired in green-rooms : with the help of fine sparkling champain, one forgets in the arms of Morpheus the losses and follies that have occurred on a preceding day. There- fore, I did not in the least think either of the money lost or of my diamond ring. But J. saw in the whole day's excursion the pur- chase of a valuable gold box, and the hap- py omen of the nymph's yielding kindness. The loss of the whole contents of my pocket book would have caused no greater sensa- tion. When we silly Englishmen arrive at Paris, it is said that we are inexhaustible in the means of extravagance, and we have the simplicity to believe it. Finally, being in- ebriated, I dropt asleep, not havmg one dis- tant thought ; but as far as I can recoiled, my dreams were delightfuk ( 44 ) SECOND DAY Decisive issuc^ Thus ended the first day of my stay in Paris. The j)articulars, as I have staled them, will show the Doctor's character in its true light and principles. Men in their early youth, (at least three fourths of them,) depend on those whom they have had the good or ill fortune to associate with. I am a proof, though I may in some manner be comfort- ed, by observing ihe great number of dupes that have been made by this man long be- fore my acquaintance with him, and which he continues to increase every day ; yet I am most ashamed in receding on my being- duped by one whom 1 have afterwards known to be a trifling and knavish charac- ter, from his many doubtful actions, in which he has succeeded in cheating me during fifteen days. Though it may be painful to iny feelings, yet, for the instruction of young A Fortnight^ s Ramble. 45 travellers who may hereafter make Paris their residence, I will continue the narra- tive. I layecl down at four o'clock in the morn- ing-. Hardly had I opened my eyes, late in the day, when the worthy Doctor ap- peared at my bed-side. " Well, my lord," said he, " how have you slept last night? have you been entertained with agreeable dreams ?" — " I had at least good cause for it."— «'Tis very well," replied he; "but pleasures are only made to take up the latter part of the day. I have, in order to vary them, taken care that you should have some serious employment this morning. The Abbot French will give you the first lesson in the French language, and, an hour af- terwards, the Sieur Gardel will display to you the elements of the science that sets off nature so well in this country, and, when blended with it, gives birth to those graces which are unknown to all other nations. You need but little study to possess them all, my dear lord." So much friendship perplexed me ; I thanked the obliging and incomparable Doctor, and hastened to get up in order to breakfast with my worthy counsellor. 46 A Forlnif/Jit's llamhle. Scarcely had we finished our repast, v/hert in came my masters, and proceeded to make my first experiment in the French languap^e and dancing. The two Virtuosos who were bnsy in instructing rae, seemed to be attached to the Phoenix tribe; one by his charming poUteness and his pretty lisping ; the other by his inimitable graces. After spending a few hours in dressing, and hav- ing put on a rich embroidered coat the dear Doctor's taylor had brought, with five or six others made in the newest taste, I had a wish to sliow myself at the royal palace, where I did not know that speaking admi- rers had been stationed by the provident Doctor. At least a dozen of persons, whom I had seen the day before at the Baron's, were pa- I'aded in different groups along the great al- ley. Scarcely had three minutes elapsed be- fore 1 was addressed l)y them. The first who came forward was the old military officer and the abbot who had won a few Louis from me at whist. One of Ihem, more than eighty years of age, seemed however to en- joy good health ; the more so on account of his mind being more even and reflective. He told me he was called Colonel Cuming ^ A Forbiifjht's Ramble. 47 bis expressions were friendly but lasciviouj:. He was well acquainted witji the rank and titles of all our travellers, and declared him- self the avowed kinsman of ]\I. Grenville, the king our master's late minister. He had but just began these particulars, when a short little man joined us. His fresh and red face, his thick lacings, his jewels, the whole taken together, made me believe he was a clerk grown big with rhino, when I understood by the Colonel he was the Count *** . jjjs name J . I had ne^er been ac- companied with so stately a name. I have learned since that he was truly the nephew of a rich and covetous banker, who had, when dying, deprived all his other kindred, in order to give this one the whole of his estate. Our heir had made but a leap from the recess of a counting house of llouen, to the dignity of an Earl of the empire. With the help of a language as thick as himself, Mr. the Count gracuaily made me a com- pliment, and introduced me to a thin flank- ed and sickly young man, whom he called the Count of Wrongdeal, his brother-in-law: This name appeared to me as oddly cou- pled with a tiile as the other. These usur- pations, as foolish as they are unbecoming. 48 A ForlnigMs Ramble. I should have thought to be a family dis- ease ; but here Counts are in plenty, and people only laugh at the titles. The Abbot D did not utter a word during* the whole time of our walk m the alley : which induced me to believe he ne- ver opened his mouth but to make known club, diamond, or trumps. I have since been strengthened in my opinion : to this hint of mine, it was added that in spite of his whelp's face, he held handsome sine- cures for services rendered to a Prelate. If Counts are trod upon in Paris, people are here instantly elbowed by abbots. The hallowed garb that ought to distinguish priesthood, is here only a common disguise, which helps to cloak a multitude of cowards and intriguers. The company was sooivip- creased by a weak middle sized well dnife- ed man, who was powdered and curled with the most minute exactness, and wore a pur- ple laced coat. His visage wOuld have been taken for that of a satyr, if its weak- ness and languishing state had not allayed his impudence. He was called the Abbot L***" ; he showed me the greatest attention and a wish for acquamtance. But I per- ceived he viewed the Doctor, whom I held A Fortnight's Rambk. 4S> then by the arm, with great displeasure. The whole of his features were distorted by envy and grief. I was far from judg- ing that I was the cause of these jealous sentiments. I did not at the time know that they were rivals, and that their interests sometimes clashed in the same trade. It is necessary to acquaint the reader, that their studies were not on the subject of theology or physic. The conversation was soon set afloat res- pecting the pretty inhabitants of the sur- rounding garden. In emulation of one an- other, the Abbot L*** and the Doctor spoke of them with equal sagacity. It was not possible to give a fuller account of these ladies' meetings than the one they related. Wi*h a complaisant smile, which left no room to ^less the agreeable remembrances he might then fancj'^, the old military officei* was attentively listening to them. The big- Count and his brother-in-law, though quiz- zing most unmercifully the two narrators; yet it did not hinder them from going on. The AbbotD , with a serious countenance and staring eyes, seemed to be absorbed in pro- found meditation upon a throw at picquet. As respects myself, I was foolish enough to. 50 A Fortnight's Ramble. pay the greatest attention to all their noii- sense. However, it was time to quit walk- ing*. After having earnestly promised the Count to call on him, I went with the faith- ful Achates and the old Colonel, whom 1 invited to dine with me. One of my servants coming in, handed me, with care, a very small and highly scented letter, that had been brought in haste when I was absent. I opened it ; and found it to be written in French ; but the letters so ill shaped, and the orthography so oddly styled, for a person who knew so lit- tle of the language, I could no more tell ivhat it meant than the conjuring book. I was obliged to request the Doctor's aid ; who, after a quarter of an hour*s study, was enabled to decypher what follows : " Do you know you are very wicked, my little lord ? The whole night I could not close my eyes on your account: Mama, who has scolded me, says I am a fool. It ■will grieve me much if you do not attend to the Italian play this evening. Having many things to tell you ; I expect you will come to my house by nine. The pretty lit- tle ring you put yesterday on my finger has made him very talkative. He whispered to A Fortnight's Ramble. ol ^sny ear, that you had made lately a pretty ^weet-heart. This news grieved me much» However, my little lord, if you come this evening, it will be a proof it was altogether a story : I shall be comforted, and another time 1 will not believe him." Self-pride induced me to think this love letter contained, with simplicity, the most delicate and admirable sense. " Oh !" cried the Doctor aloud, " that girl has an angel's wit : D me, if she is not the prettiest child in Paris. Well? my lord, having no- thing better to do, you must give her that trifling satisfaction. We w^ill go this eve- ning and spend an hour." These words were uttered in a low voice, as we came near the Colonel ; who, having found in my room a back-gammon table, expressed his wish to play a game whilst dinner was getting ready. I accepted his terms, and played for twelve louis d'ors : I won the first, and lost the two games following. The fourth was put off on account of our being summoned to dinner. Through my Majordomo's diligence and vigilance, I was far better waited upon than usual ; every thing was delicious ; Burgundy w^ incessantly poured out. My old guest ate 52 A Fortnight's Rambk. and drank with the same sang' froid he nscd to display at whist, or at back-gamman, and in fact in all occupations in which I have seen him engaged. 1 have since experienc- ed how cunning and dexterous he was, and his subtilty in subduing to his purposes those around him, by a quiet, discreet, and digni- fied civility becoming his age. As his dul- ness did not exclude joy, we dined cheer- fully ; and our digestion was performed at the back-gammon table, which cost me only fifty louis. The Doctor being attentively provident, had ordered the coach to be ready to take an airing on the Boulvard, before the ris- ing of the curtain at the Italian opera house, where it was not fashionable to visit till after the first act. It seemed that the Doctor had resolved to let all his sick die, rather than to lose a moment unemployed for my pleasure. I therefore felt the most lively sense of gratitude for his attention in promoting my desires, for which his mo- tives were very artfully concealed. The Abbot L*** was a man against whom it was necessary at all times to be guarded with the utmost diligence. As it was, I resolved to make the Doctor amends for the A FortnlgMs Ramble. 53 sacrifice of all the fees he could have lost in his profession, by his personal attendance on me. All the debauchees and frivolous beings, who are found in crowds in this large city, are in the habit of meeting on the Boulvard : there, in the season in which we were at Paris, their sole business is to make a show of a new coat, or a coach just from the hands of an unfortunate mechanic, who vainly runs for payment, whilst it oftentimes splashes him, and sometimes crushes him to pieces. There generally moves, with short steps, on the space of half an English mile, a file of carriages through a whirlwind of dust, where oftentimes one is cumbered and run full-tilt one against another, in spite of the slowness of the movement, and the ef- forts of a company of foot guards to set them in order. The ostentatious, who are dragged along, ai*e busy looking at one another; im- pudent looks even put out of countenance women sitting in the remotest corner of a berlin. It is true, few such carriages are seen elsewhere: the women wiJio come to display themselves, for the most part, take no offence at this gazing ; on the contrary, they give in return the most daring glances, with i; 2 64 A Fortnight's Ramble. assurance and triumphant air, which re- veals the vain show and the haughtiness with which prostitution and dishonour keeps an equal pace, by being boldly countenanc- ed in the midst of the signal spoils of liber- tinism and folly. The silly victims of these unfeeling and impudent Syrens, oftentime gather in crowds and worship them in their chariots, and without shame, before a peo- ple exasperated with so much meanness and cheating. I saw one in particular, in a magnificent carriage shining with gold, and beautiful varnish; six fine English horses, decorated with feathers, gold, and silk, conveyed her in state; a rich and imposing livery took up the front and rear. An infinite number of people were on that day hastening to the Boulvard. The moment her triumphal chariot made its appearance from a street that leads to it, a prodigious concourse of people, who had taken up the foot paths, ran with swiftness to the side on which she was coming; one would have imagined, by the display of so much eagerness, that a bountiful and belov- ed Queen was coming to display herself to the homage of a delighted people. I thought so ; but was informed by my guide A Fortnights Ramble. 65 that it was the famous ***. f The motive and eagerness that had misled me, was soon known by the uproar that took place. The insulting vain show of a Miss, which came to display in the midst of the people, raised an odious image on every mind. The superb carriage was soon surrounded by the mul- titude; who in a rage, and with threats, blended the most bitter and grievous ex- pressions of derision and contempt. It grew into a violent passion ; the instant was draw- ing near wherein the golden car was to be broken into pieces : the guard happily came up, and with difficulty extricated the speech- less beauty, who had hardly the satisfaction to run over live or six fathoms of the list, where she expected to dazzle a more friend- ly people until dusk. At the mention of this mortifying event, buzzed around me by more than five hun- dred voices, pale and sad, did I behold in their coaches all the rakes of quality, full of indignation and grief; some of them complained sadly, others with violence railed agamst the downfall of good breed- ing and fine fashions. They called a crowd of artists and mechanics, who dared to t Duthe. 56 A Forinic/ht's Ramhle* grumble that they did not pay them in con- sequence of their lavishing- their all on such creatures, a set of upstarts and rogues. They even went so far as to involve in their curses the public order, which did not im- prison forty thousand honest citizens, for hav- ing so far forgot themselves, as respect the laws of gallantry and the humble respect due to a lady of pleasure. My thoughts were then very different from what they are at this day. I felt a compassion more for the disgrace which the opera girl had received, than to the just motives of the ill-will of so many unfortu- nates, and as strongly gave my opinion to those gentlemen. More exasperated than any of them, I left this place of French rudeness, and ordered my chariot to haste to the Italian play-house, at the hazard of breaking the arms and legs of a miserable infantry, who had the greatest trouble to €!scape to the right and left, notwithstanding the hoarse cry of stand out of the way roar- ed by my coachman. In coming in, I surveyed all the corners of the room, in order to find out Miss ***. f could no where see her : during more than a quarter of an hour, sensibly length- -^1 Foriniyht^s Ramble. 67 ented ten fold, I was kept alive with the greatest impatience. At length the noise made at the opening of a small box facing the amphitheatre, drew my attention to that side; where I descried a vast forest of feathers, appearing to be on a head stooping through a door, to avoid the disturbance of her delicate plumes, by which movement I did not recognize the features of her face : but when she was seat- ed, with the precaution of leaving a suffi- cient space between her towering height of feathers and the ceiling of the box, I soon discovered my fair conquest. A stream of costly diamonds flowed round her neck; two large branches loaded her ears, more than they adorned them ; a chain of bea- zles was festooned from the right to the left breast. As the beauties' scandalous gallantry pro- claim the rate of their extravagancies, so they expect the more attention will be at- traded to them. So much splendour daz- zled and alarmed me. " What a profusion of diamonds," said I with some agitation, to the Doctor, " which to me is inconceiva~ ble." "A Russian," he answered, " has the honour of all that show which surprises you 68 A Fortnight's liamble. so much — would you believe it, that they only cost but a few hours' complaisance from that beauty to his weakness ? To tell you the truth, for her to act towards you as she does, you must have pleased her strangely. Be assured that it is no small recommenda- tion of your address, in having gained the partiality of a pierson whose favours have been vainly courted by suitors of the first rank in Pai'is ; besides, I am confident that she is uninfluenced by interest." This flat- tering description tickled my ear, and fixed my resolution to act in conformity to the wishes of my Mentor. " You are however apprised," continued he with reflection, '* that a woman so much aduiired for her beauty, has a certain dignity to support*, she lives in a very superb style of extrava- gance and show. Such is the fashion, my dear lord, that awaits you ; and for your en- joyment thereof you will have to contri- bute liberally to this goddess of love, whose affections you have so remarkably won ; your gratitude will, however, excite your remuneration for the sacrifices she makes in bestowing her affections on your honour." The Doctor, by his harangue, had infalli- bly read by my looks, that his fish was A Fortnight's Ramble,, 59 caught in the net. He left me on a sudden : and I soon discovered him in conversation "with Miss ^**, on the opposite part of the house ; no doubt he greeted her with con- gratulation on the victory she had effected over my heart. In about ten minutes after, he joined me with a studied look of satisfac- tion and pleasure : " you are," said he, *' the most fortunate of beings ; the only fear which that poor child has, is the reflection that you should not answer her love. But I persuaded her, from my conjectures in the matter, that she would notbe deceived, either in your good taste or tender sensibility. This good news raised her spirit to the sky : for she is truly the most grateful, sweet girl, I ever met with. Look at this charming jewel, it is a costly specimen of art, and was presented to me by her fair hand, as a precious remembrance of this, the happiest day of her life. Oh ! my lord that girl has life to the very ut- termost end of her fingers." Every syllable uttered by the Doctor, only increased the dis- order of my senses. He attentively watched me. I was not conscious when the play was over. Had it not been for the glances which beamed from the opposite box, in order to 60 A Fortnight's Ramble. allay my amorous pain, I was afraid that I should have interrupted the actors from the violence of my sighs, A pleasant thing in- deed — an Oxford scholar swallowing in greedy draughts the venom of mercenary love from the beauties of an Opera-house ! With an eagerness and simplicity that vie in their excess, is he gulled. This was, in fact, my situation. The vanity arising from my title, the wealth contained in my pocket book, my people, the doctor's subordinate Jooks^ — all, even to my new coat, and the ele- gant display which Mr. Tuft had given to my hair, gave a ferment to my brain. Of the many fools who have ever crossed the channel to Calais, without the exception even of lord E • T , I was surely the most extravagant of them all. At last the curtain dropped. 1 hastened swiftly to the gallery, and by the assistance of kicks, and thrusts with the elbow, given to a few of the by-standers, to whom I made some ri- diculous apologies as I was proceeding along, I reached the stair-case in time to present my hand to my adorable beauty. Unfortunately, the stair-case was steep and winding ; being disordered, my mind with joy did not perceive the skirt A JFortniff Ill's Ramble. 61 ^f her frock slipping under my feet, where- by we got entangled : at this instant some person pushing along, forced me to a som- merset over nine or ten steps. To increase my misfortune, love had so ri vetted Miss' hand to mine, that she was here pul- led along with me. In our fall, the disor- der of her clothes disclosed the charms of a Yenus to the laughing spectators. With blushing shame, attendant on such a catas- ti'ophe, we naturally rose up with confusion, in the midst of the most tumultuous noise of an inconsiderate assembly, and found much difficulty in reaching the door. No doubt, the anticipation of my liberalities, by my kind companion, must have been exces- sively sanguine, to <:ause her to overlook this act of folly : for, instead of charging me with the misfortune, she expressed the great- est uneasiness on my account. Many of her professing, kind friends, who viewed her with an equivocal and milicious look of pity, drew nigh, and impertinently inquir- ed : " Ah, my G — ! how did such an ac- cident happen, my dear? have you not hurt yourself ? you must have some Cologne w^a- ter," &c. &c. As for me, sillily taking out of my pocket an enormous roll of English 6*2 A. ForlnigMs Ramhle^ court plaster, I presented it, trembling^. " Ah, my G-^ ! Mr. Englishman;* cried aloud a merry wag- of a fellow, " the forift of your plaster Madam only pots to her wound." Fortunately, the Paris Stento- rian's voice*, was heard, calling aloud for my lord's coacb. My companion disengag- ed herself from this emban'assed scene, and with cast down heads, we crossed the laugh- ing ranks, leaving the coach of Miss *** for the Doctor, to return with the little Ju- lia, who had accompanied her to the play. Sheltered in our case, and protected from the sarcasms which our fall had so profuse- ly drawn upon us, I was using all the rhe- toric in my power in order to dispose my beauty to forget the accident of the stair- case, with incredible efforts calling forth to my mind all the polite and lovely expres- sions which I could have picked up from Boyer's Dictionary, or from the first lesson which I had received from the Abbot F In a most pitiful manner, and in broken language still more perplexing to me, I made many foolish apologies. As my words seemed to be but little understood, I * Stentor, a Grecian, whose voice is reported to have been »» •trong and as loud as the voice of fifty men together. A ForlniijMs Ramble. 63 pressed into ray service certain actions which I thought wotild more readily interpret my meaning*. The indulgence and kindness with which botb my sor- row and forwardness were welcomed, over- joyed me. We were ali-eaxly in Hiche- lien-street, and up in the room, where we remained tete-a-tete during a few minutes. The faint resistance that my -beauty op- posed to my amorous attempts had fired my passions, and I became presumptuous, when the matron entered the room : she affected «ome dissatisfaction at such a private con- versation, and roughly orderetl her daugh- ter to go and undress fierself ; who sorrow- fully looking at me, stepped out to obey her mama. Left alone with the discreet and prudent dowager, like a true scholar, 1 wished to quiet by promises the anger she strangely showed. Not being able to unwrinkle her old forehead, I was going to relinquish my love with as much grief as anger, when in stepped my great and prudent protector, the adorable Doctor. My dismayed look«, the mama's provoked silence, obliged him on a sudden to come to an explanation, by the questions he hastily put to her, on the 64 A Fortnif/ht's Ramble. imexpected picture we presented to his eyes. " Doctor," said the old woman to him^ f'ndeavonring to compose herself a little, " my daughter is not in a situation to com- mit such folly ; I very well see that she has fallen in love with my lord ; it is my duty to protect her. What would a certain per- son who maintains us at the opera say, if he was to know any thing of her present at- tachment ? I may in some respect believe that my lord is a man too honest to deceive ns ; but that's of no avail : it is not suppos- ed we should readily enter into such tem- porary connexions; a woman belonging, un- liappily, to the stage, cannot follow her whims and inclinations without being cer- tain- In a word, Doctor, you are a man of good sense, and know the customs of the world — surely you will not blame me for my just fears." The wise Esculapius, without giving her an answer, repeated to me her words, which I could not at first understand the sense of, from the many in- terruptions that took place, and with the many comments, which determined me to offer, without any further delay, evident pledges of my constancy and sincerity, — A Fortnight's Ramble, 65 Accordingly, I took from my pocket-book u one thousand louis d'ors bank note, and begging' pardon for my not speaking French, I handed the same to the unmerciful and cunning shrew. " Ho ! I beg your pardon, my lord, I perfectly understand you," an- swered she : " however, I expect you do not suspect me of any mean interest. It is so natural for a mother to secure her daugh- ter s interest! So much perfidiousness is seen every day ! besides you know very well one is not always young." With a shake of the head I approved 6i her rational rea- soning, " Finally," continued she with a fawning voice, " the finest youth cannot fall a sacrifice to a more worthy person than you. It is necessary I should warn you, that on that head, my daughter is nice, even so to ridicule. If she was to guess at the piece of gallantry you have this moment evinced, every thing would be lost. The poor child blushes at the least thing ; would you believe it, that in order to maintain ourselves as we do, I am under the necessity to conceal from her the many favours she receives ? 1 beg of you not to tell her a word about it." As homely as that snare was, it deceived my excessive credulity. Like a true simpleton, F 2 66 A Fortnight's llamhk, I did not less admire the noble sentiments of the young" than the honesty of the old, and squeezing- her hand, my soul was far inore light than my pocket book. — In that instant came in Miss ***, and the little Julia ; soon after we were told to come and sit down at table. If, at the supper of the night before, joy and pleasure had rose by degrees to intoxication, they took, in this one, that character on a sudden. Hardly were we come to the middle of the dessert, when some one came to whisper to Miss Julia's ear, that she was eagerly e;xpected at home. She in a hurry rose up, and the courteous Doctor proffered to accompany her; which proposition was accepted. He delayed a long time to return. The mama, wearied with the preceding night's sitting up late, began to yawn in an arm chair. Soon after she snored with all her might. As her sleep appeared to be more determined and certain, we became more awake and sanguine. A sudden surprise, that opened at once both the ears and eyes of the duenna, diverted the sport. *' Ma- ma," said her daughter to her, and pushing her foot against hers, " go then and lay down ; you sleep standing : fye ! that's not A FortniyMs Ramble. 67 pretty." " This instant, daughter," answer- ed she, her mouth wide open and her tongue embarrassed. Hardly had she uttered these words, when, letting- herself drop into her chair, she began to snore with more strength than before. *' Ho ! but, mama, that's in- tolerable ! are you not ashamed ?" said I\Iiss *** . \\xQn pushing her with her arm, "here, there is your wax-candlestrck." '* Come, come," replied the mother rising, and rub- bing her eyes ; and then with a yawn vio- lent enough to tear her jaw-bone to pieces 5 " I do not know," said she, " what ails me to sleep thus to night : you will then, children, wait for the Doctor ; but behave wisely at least." Then, wishing me a friendly good night, she got to the door and withdrew. Now for it: " I believe it is for good," said Miss *^*. A¥e then renewed the conversa- tion with the same liveliness we had begun it. If my expressions were defective, and in no wise correct, my actions, as in the coach, made up for what my speech stood in need of. It may be an advantage in this case not to know a language. It has more than once shortened the work. However, in so pleasing a company, hours ran outMswiftiy^ and I was uneasy at what could have hap- 68 A Fortnight's llamhle. pened to my companion. I rang* the bell : instead of one of the servants who used to answer, I saw a large waiting woman com- ing in, who merrily told me, " that the Doc- tor had declared he should not return, and he had even sent away my carriag"e." Then, turning herself towards her young mistress, with looks of surprise, added with a fearful and embarrassed voice : " does not my lord stay here ?" " Ah ! but I do not know," answered Miss, with emotion, and looking at me ; this will be as he may have a mind to do. But, mama" — "Ho! uds — budikins ! your mama," answered the waiting woman with an impudent air, " she is sound enough asleep now, not even to hear the thunders of heaven } and then to morrow it will be day." "Leave me, do; when she shall awake, the birds will be dislodged: what is done, let it remain so, you are a good friend enough not to make any bustle about it." **JHow she settles all that!" replied Miss ***, endeavouring to bltish ; she squeezed my hand with so much warmth, I gave way to the demonstration of love as daring as amorous. ** Patience, patience," said the big chamber-maid, " I expect you will wait a while till I tell you the remainder. Come, -4 Forinight\ JRamhle. ^9 Miss, come I will undress you." At these words she drew her along" with a loud inde- cent laugh, desiring me to quiet myself, and promising" she would soon come for rae to bid her a good night. Indeed she soon returned. ^ •* * ^■ *■ * ^ * * * ***** ^jt~ ( -0 ) THIRD BAY. Morning's event. Dangerous and singtt* lar visit. Another kind of cheating. The rays of the sun, penetrating between the loose curtains to the alcove, falling on my eyes, I observed it was day : the length of it having been measured by the object of my love. Too cunning to exhaust all at once its effects, Miss *** hastened to ring the bell ; when in came the stout big waiting maid. Every thing that I might be in need of had been adjusted by her foresight. With her aid I arose ; and with the exception of some disorder of my hair, 1 was able to walk out in a morning dress, which they had furnished. In the meanwhile a loud rap was heard at the door ; which the woman ran to open. I saw her return with a length- ened face, and bringing in her hand a paper which she gave to her mistress j who, with a look not less frightened, gave a painful and A PorUiiiiMs Ramble, 7 J heavy sigh, upon reading' its contents : " Ah, my G — ! desire him to come in : but he must give me time to rise for his reception." In uttering these words, she rose up hastily, and quickly putting on her dishabille, she threw herself into an arm chair, wherein she remain- ed silent and gloomy. I told her if it was necessary, I would step out, and leave her at liberty. " No, by no means," said she, squeez- ing my band, and giving to her eyes a most bewitching expression of tenderness — "do remain- — 'tis nothing." Then a man, whose dress was indifferent, with cross, and surly looks, was forthwith introduced by the wait- ing woman. " Well ! Mr. Fragment," pee- vishly, said my goddess, " you are very troublesome and impertinent for a trifle; how can you plague me in this way ! Surely it is seizing upon an unlucky moment : what ! for that pitiful debt to disturb my rest." " I beg your pardon, madam," he answered, with a low and sarcastic bow, " it is past twelve o'clock, and I did not think that the hour would have been unseasonable."-— <* You must then be much pushed for mo- ney ?" — " 1 do not know, madam, what it is to be importunate ; but times, to be sure, are bad. I have been to every one of my debtors. 72 A Fortnight^ $ Ramhle. in the neighbourhood ; I have called on twenty ladies before in my round, and could not collect a penny. Besides, you perfectly well know, madam, that your little account has over-run its time : I must confess I can- not go without it." " You will, however, Sir, wait a little longer to oblige me ;" " I am really very sorry, but I cannot ; and it is with grief I shall be led to vexatious means on your account." After an exchange of a few sharp expressions which enlarged their con- versation, the creditor withdrew with threat- ening. " Ah, my G — !" cried the fair one, after he went away, " if mama knew that I had incurred this debt it would be my ruin." Here her sorrow was relieved by a flow of tears. The waiting woman stood pale and ghastly, affectedly keeping pace with her lady's sadness. " Alas ! what is to be done, madam ? that accursed Fragment does not listen to reason no more than a Suisse." " Well ! run and give him my bracelets." The action that accompanied these words, led me to understand the state of affairs, and showed me that she had well played off the part of a cunning gypsey, and myself to be that of a dupe, which I had so well be- gan. However, it was not thus I qualified A Fortni(fMs Rmnhle. 73 things with reflection in my delirium of love, I instantly took hold of the jewels, and takino; up the account which had been left on the toilette, I perceived a total amount of two Ihotisand French livers. With as much vi'armth as ostentation, I ordered the servant to run after the insolent creditor, as the sum was but a trifle : my command was eagerly obeyed, and perfomed by the nimble waiting- woman with still more speed. With the most extreme agitation of grief, the mistress had advanced a few paces towards the door, but too late to oppose her servant's embassy, and returning towards me, solemnly protest- ed she could not permit such an unworthiness as this, to cause her disinterested and pure tenderness to be suspected by permitting me to discharge the bill. I humbly entreat- ed; she grieved, dishevelled her hair and dress, in her apparent agony of wounded pride. At length the good Mr. Fragment returned, and was urged by the waiting- woman not to mind the scruples of her too nice mistress; and of course he did not wait long on account of her sorrow or my presence, but impatiently demanded pay- ment, and as soon as he was furnished with the greatest part of the gold whicli I had in 74 A Fortnight's Ramble. my pocket, his joy and gratitude could not be apparently equalled. " You have pre- served," said he, " both my credit and for- tune." After a thousand humble and hypocri- tical curvets he withdrew ; for what seems to issue from one door, often times gets in again through another channel with these ladies. It will be seen, if I was not in the right to believe the fictions Mr. Fragment's being on the best terms with my woman; for he went and poured my money into the in- dustrious and cunning mama's chest. 1 was giving myself inexpressible trouble in order to comfort my nymph with the pleasure J had procured for her, and my declarations began to produce some effect, when Fanny oame in with our chocolate. ^* Good bless-^ ed Mary ! Miss," cried she, " surely, a pretty trifle to weep so much for. He who has plenty, should give to those who have but little ; this is the rule. My lord has done it with so good a grace, that one may easily know it cost him almost nothing : G — bless an Englishman ! he gives more readily one hundred pistoles, than other folks would part with as many compliments ; that's my sort." "Hold your peace, your babbler," said Miss ***, wiping her eyes ; her caress- ing temper took place of her deep melancho- A FortnigMs Ramble, 75 iy, her sadness being dissipated, we socially breakfasted. The fair Miss began fully lo understand my French dialect. Our con- versation was by slow degrees led to every thing which could give interest to a pretty- woman ; dress, furniture, jewels, carriages, brisk horses, &.c. &c. The dear Doctor came in whilst we were conversing on these important subjects. The triumphant looks af his countenance seemed to be in unison with my feelings. His voice and expres- sions were assimilated to the morning's agree- able circumstances : finally our jokes ceased. When an interesting subject is spoken of by a girl like Miss =***, she does not readily drop it 3 therefore the matter was renewed as respects the coaches, and perfectly exhaust- ed. I will omit on that subject the Doctor's remarks. In order to acquaint you plainly ^ilh the ingenious artifice with which they led me to eclipse the magnificent profuse- ness of lord E T , who had overloaded the goddess, who had been so grievously insulted, and forced away from the Boulevard the day before, and the splen- dour that had distinguished all our illustri- ous, on the Paris walk. I left Miss ^**j in company with the Doc- tor for a few hours. Puffed up with a ridicu- 76 A Fortniyhl's Ramble. lous pride, or rather foolish ostentation, I readily went to realise the insinuations draWn from them. I wished to produce the plea- sure of an unexpected surprise, united to a claim of the highest prodigality. The secret was not known to my Esculapius, and through the diligence of my able and nim- ble provensal, with the help of my pocket- Ibook, six superb horses were sent to the coach-house of Miss *** ; together with a beautiful berlin in lieu of the pretty English flying coach, now of no further use. When M. Gardel came to give me a lesson, I was busy applauding myself for my complete victory over all rules of prudence. The Doctor appeared, and was ignorant of my magnificent stride of gallantry. The gigantic Esculapius and the stage player vied with each other in rapturous expres- sions of praise at my improving, growing graces. Finally, intoxicated with their en- thusiasm, 1 dressed myself magnificently, in order to make a sally out. We were to call at the Baron ***'s, on an invitation to dine with him. One of my attendants no sooner announced, than introduced, major Sag ; who was instantly famililar, though entirely unacquainted with me, and reported himselt" to be a coantrvman of mine, whose warm A Fortnight's Ramble. 77 affections for me, induced the wish that I would partake in all the pleasures of the many splendid assemblies wherein he was himself an active manager. If I had not been out of my senses, I should have discovered all the symptoms of a shark in his features ; and designated in his Cor- morant looks the motives which brought him to the intervicAV. But my stupid vanity was so much elevated by all the sycophants who surrounded me, that through the whole veil I could per