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REVELATIONS: 
 
 COMPANION 
 
 ^^NEW GOSPEL OF PEACE." 
 
 ACCORDING TO ABRAHAM. 
 
 NEW-YORK : 
 PUBLISHED BY FEEKS & BANCKER, 
 
 " ■■ \ N N 8 T K 1-. 1-: T. 
 
 1863. 
 
PiEYELATIONS: 
 
 A 
 
 COMPANION 
 
 ''^mY GOSPEL OF PEACE.'' 
 
 ACCORDING TO ABRAHAM. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 PUBLISHED BY M. DOOLADY, Agent, 
 
 49 WALKER STREET. 
 18G3. 
 
Co 
 
 'L CD 
 
 n^ 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1S63, 
 
 By M. DOOLADY, Agent, 
 
 In the Clerk"? Oliioe of tlie Distriet Court of tlio United States 
 for tlie Sgutliern District of New Yorli.. 
 
 "^q Ua.w,.^f 
 
 .i3UV 
 
 ••WlX' ^C.<lA. 
 
REVELATIONS 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 1. The Revelation. 2. The War. 3. The Patriarch. 4. The Brig- 
 adiers. 5. Shoddee. 8. The Patriarch clothes his Brigadiers. 
 12. Temple of High Shoddee. 14. The Patriarch's little story. 
 
 1. Behold ! O my Patriots, tlie mystery is 
 revealed ; even unto babes and sucklings. 
 
 2. In the reisfn of the Patriarch horrid war 
 filled the land with wailing, even the fiiir land 
 of Jonathan. 
 
 3. From morn till night, and from night till 
 morn, there was no rest for the people ; for did 
 not the voice of the Patriarch continually cry, 
 "Raze it, raze it; there's nobody hurt, there's 
 nobody hurt." 
 
 4. So the Brigadiers went up and down the 
 land, seeking whom they might devour. 
 
 5. In that never-to-be-forgotten reign there 
 arose in the city of the Gothamites many who 
 were possessed of a devil (the word devil means 
 JSTiggero in the original), who were denominated 
 
4 REVELATIONS. 
 
 in the census of the mighty city, Ripuplicanas, 
 which signifies the followers of Beelzebub, alias 
 Shoddee. 
 
 6. And they were not like other men ; for 
 they believed black was ivliite^ only a little more 
 so. 
 
 7. But they cried nnto the Patriarch, and the 
 Patriarch was their friend. 
 
 8. Now as the Patriarch grew plucky, he 
 summoned his brave Brigadiers, and answered 
 nnto them and said: ^'Behold! my valiant cocks, 
 your seedy toggery; your shocking bad 'ats; 
 your hungry soles. I, even I, the Patriarch, Avill 
 cover your nakedness. Ye shall stand adorned 
 with the blue of the skies, and stars shall bedeck 
 your shoulders." 
 
 9. When the Patriarch had "dried up," the 
 assembled throng gave him a Tigahah, and went 
 their way rejoicing. 
 
 10. Then there was naught heard throughout 
 the land, save the noise of the shearers as they 
 sheared their sheep, and the buzz of the wheels 
 within wheels of the mighty works, until the 
 martial hosts the Patriarch had summoned were 
 equipped as their worshipful lord had com- 
 manded. 
 
 11. So when all this was accomplished, the 
 Eipuplicanas, the followers of Beelzebub, alias 
 
REVELATIONS. 5 
 
 Sboddee, were full of glee and gold ; for did not 
 they 6'liear the slieep ; and did not they move the 
 wheels ; and were not they the priests of the 
 new order of Shoddee ; and theirs the hlood of 
 \Xi^ prophets f 
 
 12. Then did the Ripuplicanas, followers of 
 Beelzebub, alias Shoddee, wax fat and saucy, and 
 they said one to another, Let us up and build us 
 an altar even in the place of our High Shoddee, 
 called Fifthavynew. There let us build it, and 
 place upon it the figure of our god, even a molten 
 Niggero, and fall dowu and worship it in the 
 sight of all the people ; for we shall thereby find 
 favor with our father the Patriarch. 
 
 13. So they straightway went and did accord- 
 ing to their counsel. And, behold an altar of 
 brown stone richly carved, and above it the 
 figure of the idol of the great Shoddee, which 
 may be seen there even at this day. 
 
 14. And the noise of their rejoicing reached 
 the ears of the Patriarch, and he was exceeding 
 glad. And unto his chief priest and scribe he 
 answered and said, "That reminds me of a little 
 story." Thereupon he related the following 
 narrative: "In the days of the Lawgiver, certain 
 of the people, forgetting that it was because of 
 their observance of the Compact they had been 
 brought in safety out of the land of Egypt, did 
 
6 REVELATIONS. 
 
 with malice prepense gather themselves together 
 unto Abraham, and said, Be thou our ruler. 
 And Abraham " saw it," and did as they desired. 
 Then did the spirit of the Lawgiver cry: "The 
 people have corrujDted themselves." But Abra- 
 ham answered and said, "The Compact is 
 played out. I have put my foot down ; and 
 when I raise it asrain it will be felt in the seat 
 
 o 
 
 of war." 
 
 15. Here the laugh of the Patriarch's chief 
 priest and scribe came in, upon which the Cab- 
 inet of the Patriarch was adjourned. 
 
 16. Behold! O my patriots, the end of the 
 First Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER IL 
 
 1. The Wail. 2. Webfoot. 3. Morgalino. 7. The Gourd Stoiy. 
 11. The Brigadiers down on Webfoot. They desire a seafaring 
 man. 13. The Cottonade. 14. Loyalty. 
 
 1. After these things there came a wail from 
 the great deep ; for mighty was the damage the 
 foe had done thereon. 
 
 2. Then the Patriarch clapped his hands, and 
 summoned unto his presence his Seacretary called 
 'Wel)foot, and answered unto him and said. "Buy 
 
REVELATIOI^S. 7 
 
 me ships wherewith I may float my Brigadiei's to 
 the battle-field to crush the Cottonade." 
 
 3. And when the Patriarch had ended his 
 speech, his Seacretary Webfoot clapped his hands, 
 and summoned unto his presence his foithful 
 Morgahno, whose name was great "on change," 
 and answered unto him and said, " Buy me 
 ships Avherewith I may, or may not, float my 
 brave Bricradiers to the battle-field to crush the 
 
 o 
 
 Cottonade." 
 
 4. So his faithful Morgahno did as he was com- 
 manded, and the wail returned to the deep, and 
 many were the ships that the faithful Morgahno 
 bought, so that soon, did he jostle the crowd of 
 devotees at the altar of High Shoddee, and great 
 was the stir in their midst as he counted out his 
 gold-offering. 
 
 5. Then did the Seacretary Webfoot go straight- 
 way into the presence of the Patriarch, and unto 
 his majesty did say: "Look out, O Patriarch, 
 upon the deep, and tell me what thou seest." 
 And the Patriarch rose up and gazed upon the 
 face of the waters, until a mighty storm arose 
 and floated his brave Brio^adiers from his sio'ht. 
 
 6. And the Patriarch cried with a loud voice 
 unto his chief priest and scribe : " O SeaAVord ! 
 cover me with a gourd." 
 
 7. Then unto his Seacretary Webfoot he an- 
 
8 REVELATIOTs^S. 
 
 swei'ed, and said, "That reminds me of a story: 
 There was a certain man named Jonah, who 
 cried unto the people, saying: 'Let theni turn 
 every one from his evil way, and from the 
 violence that is in their hands.' They turned ; 
 and Jonah was angry." Hence the gourd story. 
 
 8. Now, my Webfoot, which of us resembles 
 Jonah the most ? 
 
 9. Echo answered. Who ! 
 
 10. So when the E-ipuplicanas, followers of 
 Beelzebub, alias Shoddee, heard of all the great 
 things' that had been done upon the sea, they 
 were filled with rejoicing, and said : Who so 
 great as the Patriarch ; and Webfoot is his 
 prophet. 
 
 11. But the brave Brio^adiers were down on 
 Webfoot and his faithful Morgahno ; and they 
 prayed the l^atriarch to grant them another 
 Seacretary, even a sea-faring man. 
 
 12. Moreover, notwithstanding, nevertheless, 
 the Patriarch disturbed not his Cabinet furni- 
 ture ; and he did continue to declare to the 
 people tlie wisdom and greatness of his Seacre- 
 tary Webfoot. 
 
 13. Then did it come to pass that the liipupli- 
 canas, followers of Beelzebub, alias Shoddee, see- 
 ing the mind of the Pati'iarch, did take and load 
 many ships Avitli merchandise and sail them to 
 
REVELATIONS. d 
 
 the Cottonade, and there barter the merchan- 
 dise for the treasure of Niggero, and return witli 
 their vessels heavy laden, to bow the knee 
 anew at the shrine of the great Shoddee. 
 
 14. And thus did the Kipuplicanas, followers 
 of Beelzebub, alias Shoddee, testify their loyalty 
 to the land of their lathers. 
 
 15. And continually did they cry unto the 
 Patriarch, and the. Patriarch was their friend. 
 
 16. Behold, O my Patriots, the end of the 
 Second Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTEE ni. 
 
 1. The War. 2. The needy Brigadiers. 4. The Patriarch's tears. 
 G. Another story. 13. Achancammerone. 15. The uneasy Briga- 
 diers. 20. The Reason of their Disquiet. 24. The Remedy. 
 27. The Spoils. 29. The Scribes and Pharisees murmur. 80. They 
 disturb the Patriarch. 41. The cause of their murmurings. 43. The 
 Remedy. 53. Achancammerone goeth abroad. 56. A great 
 Feast. 
 
 1. And the war Avas grievous in the land. 
 
 2. And it came to pass that there was sore 
 need among the hosts of the Patriarch, so that 
 the brave Brigadiers cried aloud unto the Pa- 
 triarch. 
 
 3. O most Lengthy Potentate ! didst thou 
 not command the heavens to clothe us, and the 
 
10 EEVELATIOKS. 
 
 stars to glitter on us ? Alas ! alas ! No sooner 
 was thy command obeyed than our toggery van- 
 ished like the baseless fabric of a vision, leaving 
 no rag behind. Be merciful unto thy servants, 
 even as Scotchplaidy was merciful unto thee. 
 
 4. And the spirit of the Patriarch was stirred 
 within him. He arose and viewed his brave 
 Brigadiers, — and wept. 
 
 5. Then with a loud voice he cried unto them : 
 " This reminds me of a little story." 
 
 6. There was a certain king, who had an hon- 
 est minister. 
 
 7. One day the spirit moved the king to com- 
 mand his minister to tell his mind concerning 
 him. 
 
 8. Whereupon the minister fell upon his face, 
 and said : O thou Mighty One ! thy servant 
 must speak the words of truth and soberness : 
 " Thou art weighed in the balances, and found 
 wanting." " Thy kingdom is divided." 
 
 9. And when the Patriarch had made an end 
 of speaking, the multitude shouted : Long live 
 the Patriarch, our Great Potentate ! 
 
 10. And every man went his way 
 
 11. And the Patriarch entered into the Palace 
 of the Whiteman, even into the innermost 
 chamber. 
 
 12. There did the Patriarch remain fasting 
 
EEVELATIOjN^S. 11 
 
 many days and nights, until tlie sliadow of the 
 Patriarch had nearly disappeared. 
 
 13. Then summoned he unto him his familiar, 
 yclept Achancammerone, surnamed Bellicose, 
 
 14. And thus did he discourse : 
 
 15. I pray thee tell me, my familiar, why all 
 this disquiet among my brave Brigadiers ? 
 
 16. Why do they rage, and imagine a vain 
 thing ? 
 
 17. Whereupon, Achancammerone, the Patri- 
 arch's familiar, surnamed Bellicose, answered 
 him, and said : 
 
 18. It becometh not thy servant, O, thou 
 Wisest of Mortals, to show thee what thou 
 already seest. 
 
 19. Kather let me be numbered with those 
 who have merited thy displeasure. 
 
 20. But, O Patriarch, I make me bold to say, 
 thy brave Brigadiers imagine not a vain thing. 
 They rage; but there is method in their ra- 
 ging. 
 
 21. The Patriarch bade his familiar speak on. 
 
 22. Now know. Most Elevated One, that the 
 children of this world are wise in their genera- 
 tion. Therefore do I declare unto thee my 
 whole counsel. 
 
 23. The Patriarch bade his familiar speak on. 
 
 24. Give thou, O Dispenser of Patronage, 
 
12 -REVEL ATIOlSrS. 
 
 unto these men to plume themselves with the 
 spoils, as becometh the victors to do. Bid them 
 feather their nests with the fat things which are 
 the pride of the foe. Say unto them: Gather 
 the gold and precious stones, and bedeck ye 
 yourselves and your wives, your children and 
 servants ; and clothe ye your households in fine 
 linen, even in the royal purple. 
 
 25. Speak thus unto them, O thou Most 
 Honest Ruler, and as thy servant liveth, thou 
 shalt no more be vexed. 
 
 26. And the Patriarch said — nary a word. 
 
 27. Plowever, there was great spoil taken ; of 
 gold, and silver, and precious stones ; linen and 
 royal purple ; and great was the prey that was 
 taken, both of man and of beast. 
 
 28. And great was the rejoicing of the people ; 
 and gayly did the brave Brigadiers drive their 
 fast horses in the broad ways before the temple 
 of High Shoddee. 
 
 29. But certain of the scribes and pharisees, 
 who dwelt in the city of the temple of High 
 Shoddee, murmured against the Patriarch's 
 familiar, Achancammerone, surnamed Bellicose. 
 
 30. And the noise of tlieir murmurings 
 reached the ears of the Patriarch. 
 
 31. So it came to pass that the Patriarch hid 
 himself as before in his most secret chamber. 
 
EEVELATIONS. 13 
 
 32. And, after much fasting, be clapped his 
 hands, and summoned again unto him 
 
 33. Achancammerone, his familiar, surnamed 
 Bellicose. 
 
 34. And thus did he discourse. 
 
 35. I pray thee, my familiar, tell me why the 
 money-changers quarrel in the place of High 
 Shoddee ? 
 
 36. Why do the scribes Avrite bitter things 
 against their ruler ? 
 
 37. Why do the pharisees put on airs ? 
 
 38. And the Patriarch's familiar answered 
 him and said : 
 
 39. Behold, O Sagacious Sage, as thy servant 
 liveth I will speak the truth. 
 
 40. The Patriarch bade his familiar speak 
 on. 
 
 41. Do thou, O Warrior of the Whitehouse, 
 bid them gather weapons of war for thy* brave 
 Brio^adiers. 
 
 42. Do thou bid them lay up of the treasure 
 which thou control lest. 
 
 43. Do thou create new posts of honor for 
 them, which shall fill them to repletion with the 
 great mammon. 
 
 44. And as thy servant liveth, they shall no 
 longer vex thee, O most Amiable Sovereign. 
 
 45. And the Patriarch was— mum. 
 
14 REVELATIONS. 
 
 46. Then tliere arose a great sliout ia tlie 
 palace of Higli Shodclee. 
 
 47. And the scribes sang the praises of the 
 Patriarch throughout the length and breadth of 
 the land. 
 
 48. The pharisees forgot the Samaritans in 
 their glee. 
 
 49. And all the people united in the shout : 
 Long live the Patriarch, and Achancammerone 
 his79r(9;;/^(?^/ 
 
 50. So the fame of Achancammerone spread 
 abroad ; and he was known far and near. 
 
 51. Thereupon the Patriarch bethought him 
 to send his flmiiliar, Achancammerone, surnamed 
 Bellicose, to foreign lands ; that the name and 
 fame of the Patriarch might be known through- 
 out the earth. 
 
 52. For the Patriarch was ambitious. 
 
 53. So the Patriarch sent his familiar to a 
 far distant country, to tell the heathen of the 
 great Patriarch who ruled the western hemi- 
 spliere. 
 
 54. And the Patriarch saw what he had done, 
 and was satisfied. 
 
 55. But his familiar, Achancammerone, sur- 
 named Bellicose, said — nary a word. 
 
 5(5. Then there was a great feast in the place 
 of the High Shoddee ; and the air rang with the 
 
EEVELATIOIS'S. 1 5 
 
 shouts of the multitude; and the great idol 
 JSTiggei'o glittered and glistened in the sun : 
 
 57. For the scribes and pharisees were as an 
 army with banners. 
 
 58. And the people cried unto the Patriarch, 
 and the Patriarch- was their friend. 
 
 59. Behold, O my Patriots, the end of the 
 Third Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTEE lY. 
 
 1. Horace the Grilleyte and Heniy the Raymite. 5. " I am here." 
 7. Herod-bar-Stantine. 8. The Acts of Achancammerone. 9. 
 His record. 
 
 1. In those days there were two scribes, one 
 Horace the Grilleyte and Plenry the Raymite, 
 who gave the Patriarch no peace, neither day 
 nor night. 
 
 2. Then was the Patriarch greatly troubled. 
 And hid himself from the sight of men for many 
 days. 
 
 3. And it came to pass that the Patriarch 
 opened his mouth and said : 
 
 4. Oh that my familiar, even Achancammerone, 
 surnamed Bellicose, Avere not in my thoughts. 
 
 5. Then, as it were in the twinkling of an eye, 
 
16 REVEL ATIO]N"S. 
 
 he heard the voice of his familiar saying, '' I am 
 here." 
 
 6. So Horace the Grilleyte and Henry the 
 Raymite gave the Patriarch no peace, neither 
 day nor night. 
 
 7. And the Patriarch's familiar was thrust 
 from his presence, and Herod-bar-Stantine was 
 chosen from among the people to minister unto 
 the Patriarch in his stead, for did he not out- 
 Herod Herod. 
 
 8. Thus endeth this record of the deeds of 
 Achancammerone, surnamed Bellicose. 
 
 9. But are not his mighty acts written in the 
 pages of the archives in the temple of Beelzebub 
 in the palace of the High Shoddee ! 
 
 10. Behold, O mv Patriots, the end of the 
 Fom-th Cliapter. 
 
 CHAPTEE Y. 
 
 1, Chason tlie Treasurer. 2. His skill in Metallurgy and Astrology. 
 3. Star-gazing. 4. He soliloquizes. 7. A graven image, and what 
 lie will do with it. 13. A No. 1. 14. The Patriarch's disturbers. 
 
 1. Now there was one of those who stood 
 in high places before the Patriarch, who was 
 called Chason the Treasurer, whose duty it was 
 
REVELATIONS. 17 
 
 to look after the Patriarch's money-bags in the 
 fair land of Jonathan. 
 
 2. This Chason the Treasurer was skilled in 
 metalhirgy and astrology. And daily did he 
 study the one, and nightly did he delight in the 
 other. 
 
 3. So it came to pass one night, as he sat 
 gazing at the stars, that a lucky thought struck 
 him, and thus did he soliloquize : 
 
 4. "Am I not A No. 1 ? Do I not rule on 
 change and control the sinews of war ? Am I 
 not alone worthy to receive the mantle of the 
 Patriarch ? 
 
 5. O Stars ! how shall I obtain the prize ? 
 
 6. Ah ! I have it ! 
 
 7. I will make unto myself a graven image of 
 my patron Beelzebub, alias Shoddee, and this will 
 I imprint in living green on ftiirest linen bands. 
 
 8. And on the face thereof will I put the 
 likeness of Chason the Treasurer, the successor 
 of the Patriarch. 
 
 9. These linen bands will I scatter broadcast 
 among the people. Then will the Patriarch be 
 forgotten, and Chason the Treasurer be remem- 
 bered in the land forevermore." 
 
 10. And straightway went Chason the Treas- 
 urer, and did as he had devised. 
 
 11. And he scattered the fair linen bands with 
 
18 REVELATIONS. 
 
 backs of living green up and down tlie liigliways, 
 so that there was no man to be found in the 
 land that had not one of the fair linen bands. 
 
 12. Then Chason the Treasurer stood A ISlo, 1 
 before the people. 
 
 13. But the Patriarch was from that day no 
 longer before the people as A No. 1. 
 
 14. And Horace the Grilleyte and Henry the 
 Raymite gave the Patriarch no peace neither 
 day nor night. 
 
 15. Behold, O my Patriots, the end of the 
 Fifth Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTEE YI. 
 
 1, Confiscation. 4. Bootyler. 5. Bearfremount. 6. The Wailing 
 of the Women and Children. 8. Bootyler's Deeds. 12. Bearfre- 
 mount's Ambition. 13. The Patriarch's Indignation. 17. The 
 Perseverance of the Patriarch's Messengers. 21. The Patriarch's 
 latest Joke. 
 
 1. Now it came to pass that certain leaders of 
 the brave Brigadiers, who had buckled on their 
 armor at the eleventh hour, because of tlie 
 tidings of the great spotl their brethren had 
 taken from the foe, did beseech the Patriarch to 
 declare unto the jDCople the statute known as 
 " Confiscation." 
 
REVELATIONS. 19 
 
 2. For, said they, if thou doest but this, O 
 most Illustrious Ruler, thy brave Brigadiers 
 shall be as the sands of the sea for multitude, 
 and %oe^ most noble Patriarch, will lead them on 
 to victory. 
 
 3. And in an evil hour the Patriarch raised 
 his foot. 
 
 4. So the brave Brigadiers returned to the 
 war : and they were led in the way of the Cot- 
 tonade by him whom the Patriarch called Boo- 
 tyler ; 
 
 5. And in the way of the Niggero by him 
 wdiom the Patriarch called Bearfremount. 
 
 6. And great was the w^ailing of the women 
 and children at the Cottonade. 
 
 7. And the spoil of Bootyler was more than 
 the ships of the Patriarch could transport. 
 
 8. And his deeds, if they should be all w^ritten, 
 I suppose that even the temple of High Shoddee 
 itself could not contain the books that should be 
 written. 
 
 9. But Bearfremount looked not alone to 
 sjDoil, for was he not lord of MarijDOsa ? 
 
 10. Therefore did he seek occasion to gain 
 the favor of the false god, Niggero, that he 
 might betray the Patriarch into the hands of 
 the Philistines. 
 
 11. So he bade his heralds declare to the 
 
20 REVEL ATIOTsTS. 
 
 people wheresoever he tarried, the new dispen- 
 sation of which he was the sole originator and 
 dispense]-. 
 
 12. And he did establish his court, and issue 
 his decrees, as though the Patriarch had de- 
 ceased and was gathered to his fathers. 
 
 13. But a bird did carry the news to the 
 house of the Whiteman, and to the ear of the 
 Patriarch ; and he became exceeding wroth, 
 even foaming at the mouth in his great indigna- 
 tion. 
 
 14. For the Patriarch read the thought that 
 was in the breast of Bearfremount, as though 
 Bearfre mount had said : Oh that I were made 
 judge in the land, that every man which hath 
 any suit or cause might come unto me, and I 
 would do him justice ! 
 
 15. So the Patriarch dispatched his messen- 
 gers to bid Bearfremount to come unto him. 
 
 16. But sorely vexed were the Patriarch's 
 messengers. 
 
 17. Yet did they persevere, until, by wonder- 
 ful strategy, they placed the Patriarch's command 
 before the dread Bearfremount. 
 
 18. Then did the tidings of their success 
 thrill the heart of the Patriarch, like as it were, 
 the tidings of a great victory. 
 
 19. So when Bearfremount w^as come unto 
 
REVELATIONS. 21 
 
 the house of the Whiteman, the Patriarch 
 rushed forth, and fell upon his neck and em- 
 braced him, saying, Never more, my beloved 
 Bearfremount, shalt tliou hazard thy life for my 
 sake ; sit thou here at my right hand. 
 
 20. And there was great rejoicing throughout 
 the land. 
 
 21. And the meeting of the Patriarch and 
 Bearfremount was recorded in the pages of Sea- 
 word's book as " the Patriarch's latest joke." 
 
 22. Behold, O my Patriots, the end of the 
 Sixth Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER YII. 
 
 1. The Spoil. 2. Contention. 5. The Captives. 7. Emancipation. 
 8. The Patriarch a Planter. 10. Another Story. 
 
 1. And the spoil, both of men and beasts, was 
 very great. 
 
 2. So that there was much contention touch- 
 ine: the division thereof. 
 
 3. And the noise of the contentious ones 
 ascended to the ear of the Patriarch. 
 
 4. And he said unto the contentious ones, 
 Why quarrel ye concerning the captives, even 
 in the face of the foe ? 
 
22 REVELATIONS. 
 
 5. And they answered him, and said, It is for 
 the fjood of the captives we do this thing. 
 
 6. But the Patriarch read their thoughts afar 
 off. 
 
 7. Therefore did he decLare unto the people a 
 new statute, called "Emancipation," which caused 
 all such spoil to fall to the share of the Patriarch. 
 
 8. For, behold ! my people, said the Patriarch, 
 I will take possession of the fairest lands of the 
 foe, and I will cause these my captives to till 
 the soil thereof, and great shall be the gain to 
 the Patriarch. 
 
 9. And the Patriarch was well pleased wdth 
 " Emancipation." 
 
 10. Then, said the Patriarch to the assembled 
 multitude. That reminds me of a stoiy : 
 
 11. A certain man named Abram went up out 
 of Egypt, he, and his wife, and all that he had, 
 and Lot Avith him, into the south. 
 
 12. And Abram was very rich in cattle, in 
 silver and in gold. 
 
 13. And he went on his journeys from the 
 south even to Bethel, unto the place where his 
 tent had been at the beginning, between Bethel 
 and Hai ; 
 
 14. Unto the place of the altar, which he had 
 made there at the first : and there Abram called 
 on the name of the Lord. 
 
EEYELATION'S. 23 
 
 15. And Lot also, which went with Abram, 
 had flocks, and herds, and tents. 
 
 16. And the hand was not able to bear them, 
 tliat they might dwell together: for their sul)- 
 stance was great, so that they could not dwell 
 tos^ether. 
 
 17. And there was a strife between the herd- 
 men of Abram's cattle and the herdmen of Lot's 
 cattle : and the Canaanite and the Perizzite dwelt 
 til en in the land. 
 
 18. And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no 
 strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and 
 between my herdmen and thy herdmen ; for we 
 be brethren. 
 
 19. Is not the whole land before thee? Sepa- 
 rate thyself, I pray thee, from me : if thou wilt 
 take the left hand, then I will go to the right ; 
 or if thou depart to the right hand, then I will 
 go to the left. 
 
 20. And Lot lifted up his eyes, and beheld all 
 the 2^1ains of Jordan, that it was well watered 
 everywhere, before the Lord destroyed Sodom 
 and Gomorrah, even as the garden of the Lord, 
 like the land of Egypt, as thou comest unto Zoar. 
 
 21. Then Lot chose him all the plain of Jordan; 
 and Lot journeyed east : and they separated 
 themselves the one from the other. 
 
 22. And when the Patriarch had made an end 
 
24 REVELATIONS. 
 
 of speaking, the assembled inultitucle sent iij) a 
 shout in praise of the Patriarch, for the Patriarch 
 was their friend. 
 
 23. And Horace the Grilleyte and Henry the 
 Ray mite were among the multitude, and they 
 remembered the Patriarch's story. 
 
 24. Behold, O my patriots, the end of the Sev- 
 enth Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER YIII. 
 
 1. The War. 4. The Patriarch's Speech. 18. And there "was a 
 Pause. 20. The only Speaker left. 
 
 1. Yet did the war desolate the land, and the 
 prophets saw no signs of peace. 
 
 2. So the Patriarch summoned all the wise 
 men of the land to the house of the Wh item an, 
 that they might take counsel together concerning 
 the war. 
 
 3. And when they were assembled in the 
 presence of the Patriarch, he spoke unto them, 
 saying, 
 
 4. Ye men of the fair land of Jonathan, I ap- 
 pear before you on this august occasion that I 
 may see you and be seen by you. Although I 
 summoned you hither, it was but for this great 
 purpose — to see and be seen. 
 
EEVELATIONS. 25 
 
 5. And that I might call your attention, in 
 particular and public manner, to the only clause 
 of the Compact that I decreed should be per- 
 mitted to stand. 
 
 6. O ye men of the fair land of Jonathan, 
 have you forgotten that these immortal words 
 were the first your Patriarch uttered in your ears ? 
 
 7. Have you forgotten how often your Patri- 
 arch has since their first utterance repeated them 
 to you ? 
 
 8. And now I again say that the great privilege 
 you enjoy as my subjects, and the only one left 
 you from the Compact, is — to see and he seen! 
 (Sensation.) 
 
 9. Oh that you would live up to the spirit of 
 these words. 
 
 10. If you would but see and be seen there 
 would be an end to war. 
 
 11. If you would but see and be seen, I could 
 bid adieu to my body-guard. 
 
 12. If you would but see and be seen, I could 
 remain your Patriarch, and live and die seeing 
 and being seen. 
 
 13. But ye are a stiff-necked and perverse 
 people, therefore have I caused a new statute 
 to be promulgated, to be called the "Expatria- 
 tion," which my brave Burnsydy will declare 
 unto you. 
 
26 REVELATIONS. 
 
 14. So that hereafter, ye men of the fair laiK 
 of Jonathan, do ye naught else, but see and h 
 seen, 
 
 15. Then did the wise men depart in silence 
 
 16. And no one durst speak; for, to be loyal 
 he must only see and be seen. 
 
 17. And it came to pass that silence broode( 
 over the once fair land of Jonathan; and then 
 was no sound heard throughout the length an( 
 breadth thereof save the clicking of the instru 
 ments called Telegraphs, which carried th 
 Patriarch's immortal proclamation — See and h 
 seen — from pole to pole. 
 
 18. In the place of the High Shoddee not ; 
 word was heard ; and men bowed the knee ii 
 silence. 
 
 19. By the river of Patome the brave Brig 
 adiers saw, and were seen by the foe ; and al 
 was quiet there. 
 
 20. Now there was but one speaker left in th( 
 land, and he, the Patriarch. 
 
 21. Behold, O my Patriots, the end of th( 
 Eighth Chapter. 
 
EEVELATIONS. 27 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 1. Silence. 2. The Patriarcli reasons. 6. The Patriarch reads. 
 34. The Patriarch muses. 37. The Patriarch soliloquizes. 41. 
 The Patriarch's Policy. 43. The Patriarch's Preachers. 
 
 1. And it came to 23ass tliat while silence 
 reigned in the fair land of Jonathan, the Patri- 
 arch bethought him of the saying, — Wisdom is 
 better than strength. 
 
 2. And thus to himself he spake: What hin- 
 dereth now ? 
 
 3. Yea, I will search the books of the wise 
 and holy of the earth, that peradventure I may 
 iind therein written the thing I desire to know, 
 even the way of deliverance for my people. 
 
 4. And he straightway sought far and near in 
 the fair land of Jonathan, and he found the books 
 he desired. 
 
 5. Then sat he himself down in the innermost 
 chamber of the house of the Whiteman ; 
 
 6. And he gave himself no rest neither day 
 nor night, that he might find the precious words. 
 
 7. And Horace the Grilleyte and Henry the 
 Kaymite were filled with confusion. 
 
 8. Then the Patriarch opened a book, and 
 with a loud voice did he utter : 
 
 9. "The words of wise men are heard in quiet 
 
28 EEYELATIONS. 
 
 more than the cry of liiin tliat riileth among 
 fools." 
 
 10. The Patriarcli turned on. 
 
 11. "There is an evil which I have seen under 
 the sun, as an error which proceedeth from the 
 ruler." 
 
 12. The Patriarch closed that book, and opened 
 another. 
 
 13. "Christianity quite annihilates the disposi- 
 tion for martial glory." 
 
 14. "To sacrifice our lives for the liberties, 
 and laws, and religion of our native land, are 
 undoubtedly high-sounding words: — ^but who 
 are they that will do it? Who is it that will 
 sacrifice his life for his country ? Will the sen- 
 ator who supports a war ? Will the writer who 
 declaims upon patriotism? Will the minister 
 of religion who recommends the sacrifice ? Take 
 away glory — take away iua?\ and there is not a 
 man of them who will do it." 
 
 15. The Patriarch threw that book down in 
 disgust, and opened another. • 
 
 16. "You would, perhaps, die to save your 
 country ; but this is not the question. A sol- 
 dier's death does not save his country. The 
 question is, whether, without any of the circum- 
 stances of war, without any of its glory or its 
 pomp, you are willing to resign yourself to the 
 
REVELATIONS. 29 
 
 executioner. If you are not, you are not willing 
 to die for your country." 
 
 17. The Patriarch mused a moment, then 
 turned on. 
 
 18. "Christianity does not encourage particiclar 
 patriotism, in opposition to general benignity." 
 
 19. "As Ions: as mankind shall continue to 
 bestow more liberal applause on their destroyers 
 than on their benefactors, the thirst of military 
 glory will be the vice of the most exalted char- 
 acters." 
 
 20. " The safety of nations is not to be sought 
 in arts or in arms. War reverses, with respect 
 to its objects, all the rules of morality. It is 
 nothing less than a temporary repeal of all the 
 principles of virtue. It is a system, out of 
 which almost all the virtues are excluded, and 
 in which nearly all the vices are incorporated. 
 In instructing us to consider a portion of our 
 fellow-creatures as the proper objects of enmity, 
 it removes, as far as they are concerned, the 
 basis of all society, of all civilization, and virtue ; 
 for the basis of these is the good will due to 
 every individual of the species." 
 
 21. The Patriarch shook his head, and turned on. 
 
 22. "There is but one community of Chris- 
 tians in the world, and that, imhappily, of all 
 communities one of the smallest, enlightened 
 
so KEVELATIONS. 
 
 enougli to understand tlie proliibition of Wcar by 
 our Divine Master, in its plain, literal, and 
 nndeniable sense; and conscientious enough to 
 obey it, subduing the very instinct of nature to 
 obedience." 
 
 23. The Patriarch grew red in the face, slung 
 the book behind him, and opened another. 
 
 24. " They who defend war, must defend the 
 dispositions which lead to war," 
 
 25. The Patriarch adjusted his spectacles, 
 read the passage again, and — turned on. 
 
 26. "I am persuaded that when the spirit of 
 Christianity shall exert its proper influence over 
 the minds of individuals, and especially over 
 the minds of public men in their public capaci- 
 ties, over the minds of men constituting the 
 councils of princes, from whence are the issues 
 of peace and war — when this happy j)eriod shall 
 arrive, war will cease throughout the whole 
 Christian world." 
 
 27. " Morality and religion forbid war in its 
 motives, conduct, and consequences." 
 
 28. The Patriarch's countenance assumed a 
 ^rave cast. He laid the book carefully down, 
 and took up another. 
 
 29. " Be at peace among yourselves. See that 
 none render evil for evil to any man, God 
 hath called us to peace." 
 
EEVELATIOKS. 31 
 
 30. ^^ Avenge not yourselves. If thine enemy 
 hunger, feed him ; if he thirst, give him drink. 
 Recompense to oio man evil for evil. Overcome 
 evil with good." 
 
 31. "It has been said, Thou shalt not kill, 
 and whosoever shall kill, shall be in danger of 
 the judgment; but I say whosoever is angry 
 with his brother without a cause, shall be in 
 danger of the judgment." 
 
 32. The Patriarch was disturbed. 
 
 33. "All they that take the sword shall perish 
 with the sword." 
 
 34. The Patriarch could read no farther ; but 
 fell back upon his couch in a deep and painful 
 revery. 
 
 35. For a long time he remained silent. 
 
 36. Then he arose, and paced the chamber 
 with a firm step, and an air of resolution. 
 
 37. And thus did he soliloquize : 
 
 38. If these things that I have read be true ; 
 if it be true that there is a " new conwiandment^'' 
 which is to be obeyed instead of " an eye for an 
 eye, a tooth for a tooth," then I must at last 
 adopt a — Policy. What shall it be ? 
 
 39. At that moment the Patriarch's eye fell 
 upon a page of the book as it lay open before 
 him, and read these words : 
 
 40. " The Preacher sought to find out accept- 
 
32 EEVELATIONS. 
 
 able words: and tliat wbicli was written was 
 upright, even words of truth." 
 
 41. Ah ! ha|)py thought, the Patriarch cried, 
 I have found a polic}^ 
 
 42. And thus did he reason within himself. 
 
 43. Are not my preachers called to declare 
 the things I this day have read ? Is it not their 
 mission to proclaim " peace on earth, and good 
 will to men ?" Is it not their duty to tell the 
 people of the " new commandment .^" 
 
 44. This very day (the Patriarch continued) 
 will I publish my Policy ; and it shall be known 
 in the laud as — " The Conscription." 
 
 45. Behold! O my Patriots, the end of the 
 Mnth Chapter. 
 
 CHAPTEK X. 
 
 1. The Summons. 3. The Patriarch's Speech. 13. The People 
 rejoice. 16. The Patriarch's Wisdom. 18. Conscription. 22. The 
 Beecherite. 24. The Cheeverite. 26. Philip the Amalgamator. 
 80. "I will be the Leader." 31. The Patriarch's Satisfaction. 
 82. The Great Commission. 83. The End not Yet. 
 
 1. Thet^ it came to j^^ss that the Patriarch 
 did summon every man throughout the length 
 and breadth of the land to the Palace of the 
 Whiteman. 
 
EEVELATIONS. 33 
 
 2. And when the people had assembled them- 
 selves before the Patriarch, thus did he address 
 them: 
 
 3. Ye men of the western hemisphere, give 
 ear unto your Patriarch. 
 
 4. Your Patriai'ch is well pleased with your 
 obedience to his mandate, — See and he seen. 
 
 5. He is well pleased with your obedience 
 to it, that he has directed this mandate to con- 
 tinue in force until the end of the war. (Ap- 
 plause.) 
 
 6. Your Patriarch summoned you here to-day 
 in order that he might say this to you ; and that 
 he might see you, and be seen by you on this 
 glorious occasion. 
 
 7. He has also something new to make known 
 unto you, — he has a Policy. (Sensation.) 
 
 8. This policy is called, " The Conscription." 
 (Breathless silence.) 
 
 9. The Patriarch thus understands this Poli- 
 cy. The brave Brigadiers are to be called back 
 from the Cottonade, and their places are to be 
 supplied from the ranks of the clergy ! 
 
 10. Thus will the Patriarch place his preachers 
 where they may give practical effect to their 
 teachings; and to their labors does the Patri- 
 arch look for the return of hlessed ])eace. 
 
 11. (The Patriarch here became too much af 
 
34 REVELATIONS. 
 
 fectecl to prolong his remarks, and the multitude 
 returned to their respective abodes.) 
 
 12. And there was great rejoicing among the 
 people, because the preachers were chosen to go 
 against their enemies ; For, said every man, are 
 they not called to proclaim " the glad tidings of 
 salvation, and to publish Peace !" 
 
 13. Blessed peace-makers ! 
 
 14. They shall deliver our unhappy land from 
 the scourge of the sword. 
 
 15. Then did all the people speak one with an- 
 other of the great things the preachers should do. 
 
 16. And greatly did they magnify the wis- 
 dom of the Patriarch, saying. Behold a wiser 
 than Solomon. 
 
 17. But the preachers were — mum 
 
 18. And the Patriarch caused the preachers 
 to be gathered together according to the Con- 
 scription. 
 
 19. And when they were assembled without 
 the camp, the Patriarch with his body-guard, 
 and the chiefs among his brave Brigadiers, went 
 forth to meet them. 
 
 20. And when the Patriarch drew near, every 
 man of them was debating with his fellow touch- 
 ing the war, and great was the confusion of their 
 tongues, for as yet they had no leader. 
 
 21. So it camo to j)ass that, when the Patri- 
 
REVELATIONS. 35 
 
 arcli saw they had no leader, he waxed exceed- 
 ing wroth. 
 
 22. And the Patriarch said unto them, Where 
 is he who did so loudly proclaim the Gospel of 
 Sharp's Kifles? He, even the Beecherite shall 
 lead you. 
 
 23. But the Beecherite could not be fouud, 
 for aforetime had he taken counsel with himself, 
 and said: " I will get me to the far distant Angle- 
 land, and there will I tarry till this cruel war is 
 over." 
 
 24. And the Patriarch said unto them, Where 
 is he who calleth Mggero his better ? He, even 
 the Cheeverite shall lead you. 
 
 25. But the Cheeverite could not be found, 
 for he had fled for safety to the temple of the 
 Woolly-heads. 
 
 26. And the Patriarch said unto them, Where 
 is Philip the Amalgamator ? He shall lead you. 
 
 27. And some answered him, and said, Be- 
 hold, O Patriarch, we have sent messengers 
 unto Philip, the Amalgamator, to bid him be 
 one with ns, but he hath replied, Your banner 
 is not my banner, therefore will I not go. 
 
 28. And other some answered him, and said, 
 We pray thee, O Patriarch, to be charitable 
 unto Philip, the Amalgamator, for perchance he 
 may have taken him a wife from among the 
 
86 REVELATIONS. 
 
 daugliters of Niggero, and therefore he cannot 
 come. 
 
 29. Then did the Patriarch again address 
 them, saying, Tell me which one from among 
 you shall be your leader. 
 
 30. And the assembled preachers, as with the 
 voice of one man, each for himself, did cry, I 
 will be the leader. 
 
 31. And the Patriarch saw what was in their 
 mind, and he was satisfied. 
 
 32. So he commanded them to go forth upon 
 their mission, taking naught with them but 
 their Great Commission. 
 
 33. And the end tvas not yet come. 
 
 V60 
 
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