PS 3513 
 .R695 
 13 
 
 1914 
 Copy 1 
 
 Rachel Had Only 
 en Born A Boy III 
 
 Riant Studio 
 Jersey City, N. J. 
 
RIANT GUILD 
 
 Promoters 
 Newark and Baldwin Avenues 
 
 Jersey City, N. J. 
 
If Rachel Had Only 
 Been Born A Boy!!! 
 
 COiVlEDV 
 SKETCH 
 
 By Walter Smith Griffith 
 
 Riant Studio 
 Jersey City. N. J. 
 
 /f/f- 
 

 Copyright (1914) by Walter Smith Griffith. 
 All rights reserved. 
 
 GADDIS BROS., Printers 
 304-10 Baldwin Ave 
 <^ Jersey City 
 
 MAR 18 1914 
 0)CI.D 36388 
 
If Rachel Had Only 
 Been Born a Boy ! ! ! 
 
 Dramatis Persona. 
 
 Isadora Cohen (Germ an- Jew) rich 
 second-hand clothier. 
 
 Mrs. Cohen (Sarah), his wife. 
 
 Rachel, their daughter (only child). 
 
 Eugene Dwyer (Irish-American), 
 artist. 
 
 SCENE I. 
 
 (Parlor of Cohen domicile, Harlem, 
 8 p. m. ; Mrs. Cohen in rocking-chair, 
 kniting socks ; Isadore walking up and 
 down with hands clasped behind back; 
 Rachel seated on piano stool, by piano, 
 facing them). 
 
 Rachel — Papa, why can't I marry 
 Gene ? He makes good money ; he's 
 handsome and so romantic. Just think! 
 Your daughter the wife of an artist! 
 
 Isadore — Vhy? Vhy .'^ I toldt you 
 
vhy ! Vhy aindt he so obstinate ? Shust 
 shange his names to Cohen and efery- 
 ting vas as merry as snowballs ! Vhy, 
 if King Solomon was alife now he'd 
 shange his names to Conen! He was a 
 vise mans. Dwyer ! Dwyer ! Who 
 efer heardt uf dem Irisher as compared 
 mit the original names uf Cohen? 
 
 Rachel — But, papa — 
 
 Isadore — Papa! Papa! Vhy dond 
 you say fader. Id voud show more re- 
 specd for your fader. 
 
 Sarah — Vhy dond your mans be more 
 as reasonable as your fader, Rachel? 
 Vhy, loogk ad how I shanged my 
 names to Cohen ! My beeples ver gread 
 beeples — ^the Isaacsteins. I vas glad to 
 shange my names to Cohen. 
 
 Isadore (throwing up his hands and 
 wailing) — Great Fader Abraham, vhy 
 wasn't my Rachel horned a boy? Must 
 the only original Cohen be the last of 
 his race? 
 
Rachel (appealingly) — What's m a 
 name, father? 
 
 Isadore — A names! A names! Cohen 
 a names! Cohen vas a race — a gread 
 beeples! Vhen das Irisher ver vearing 
 a var club and sunburns my beeples ver 
 clothed in silks and satins und ruling 
 der nations. 
 
 Sarah — Vhy dond you marry Jakey 
 Cohen, Rachel? He vouldn't haf to 
 shange his names, and he's rich. 
 
 Rachel (excitedly) — That old frump? 
 He's sixty. Oh, you Reno! 
 
 Isadore — Jah! Jakey vould be shust 
 the poy. 
 
 Rachel (turning hurriedly to piano) 
 — have you heard the latest, father? 
 
 Isadore — What? The Yiddisher nap- 
 kin? 
 
 Rachel — Yiddisher Rag, you mean, 
 father. 
 
 Isadore (meekly) — You saidt it 
 vasn't polite to say rag, Rachel. 
 
Rachel — Wei, this is different (plays 
 lively ragtime). 
 
 (Isadore grabs his wife out of her 
 chair and they do a grotesque dance, 
 Sarah kniting all the time.) 
 
 Music : 
 
 (Curtain.) 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 (Same room; following night. Ra- 
 chel at piano playing and singing 
 ''Glide, Little Brown-Eyed Lovey !'' 
 Bel rings.) 
 
 Rachel (rising quickly and runing 
 thru door, with triping step) — Gene! 
 Gene ! It's Gene ! 
 
 Gene (entering, with arm around 
 Rachel) — ^Honey, what was that I heard 
 you singing? 
 
 Rachel — A new love waltz song ; lis- 
 ten (plays and sings song while Gene 
 hums). 
 
 Gene — Play it again, dear. It is 
 
 10 
 
beautiful. (They sing. Chorus: Ra- 
 cliel rises and they waltz, singing.) 
 
 (After dance they snuggle up on 
 sofa; lights gradualy go out.) 
 
 Rachel — Don't, Gene, mama might 
 come in ( soft calcium reveals Gene kiss- 
 ing Rachel). 
 
 (Darkness.) 
 
 Mrs. Cohen steals softly onto the 
 stage and turns on electric lamp. Ra- 
 chel jumps hastily to her feet. 
 
 Sarah — Good efening, Mr. Tryer. 
 
 Gene (rising to his feet and bowing) 
 Dwyer, if you please, mam. Good eve- 
 ning. 
 
 Sarah — ^Rachel, you go oudt in der 
 eading room. (Rachel obeys). Isa- 
 dore! (calling loudly). 
 
 Isadore (in wings) — Jah. 
 
 Sarah (motioning Gene to seat) — Sit 
 down, Mr. Dwyer. 
 
 (Isadore comes in and Gene rises to 
 greet him.) 
 
 Isadore — Goot efening, Mr. Dwyer; 
 
 11 
 
sit down (motions Sarah out, who re- 
 tires with a courtesy). 
 
 (Isadore walks nervously up and 
 down, rumpling his hair and breathing 
 hard; Gene leans cooly back and waits.) 
 
 Isadore (stoping abruptly in front of 
 Gene) — You vant to marry my Rachel, 
 Mr. Dwyer? 
 
 Gene (shortly) — That is my inten- 
 tion. 
 
 Isadore (spreading out his hands) — 
 Vel, und vhy dond you ask her fader 
 for her. 
 
 Gene (off-handedly) — Oh, that's out 
 of date. 
 
 Isadore (sarcasticaly) — It isn't oudt 
 of date to vant her fader's money. 
 
 Gene (rising and drawing himself up 
 proudly) — I can provide for my wife, 
 sir. 
 
 Isadore — Vel, dot iss all righd. 
 
 (Scene is shoved partly to one side 
 showing Rachel and her mother eagerly 
 listening at door.) 
 
 12 
 
Gene — Stil, Mr. Cohen, if you wish 
 it, I wil now ask you for your daugh- 
 ter's hand in marriage. 
 
 Isadore— Vel, I vould rather my Ra- 
 chel shouldt marry a Hebrew, but as 
 she lofes you I gif in, mit a ver small 
 concessions — you only haf to shange 
 your names to Cohen. 
 
 Gene (indignantly) — What, 
 ladore (off-handedly) — Shust a lid- 
 die concessions — shange your names to 
 Cohen. 
 
 Gene (in a horrified undertone) — 
 Change my name to Cohen! (To au- 
 dience, sotto voce:) And my great- 
 great-great-grandfather was the King 
 of Dublin. 
 
 (Draws back and doubles up his fist 
 as tho to strike, then shakes his head 
 and drops his arm.) 
 
 (The women nervously grasp each 
 other behind the scene.) 
 
 Isadore— Vel, make id Mr. Cohen- 
 Dwyer, I gif in mineself. 
 
 13 
 
Gene — No Cohen in it. Just plain 
 Dwyer. 
 
 Isadore (shruging shoulders, suavely) 
 — Vel, all righcl, only vun ting I shall 
 insist on — my first grandson must 
 shange his names to Isaac Cohen, as 
 vas niine grandfader, und I gif him a 
 lots of munish. 
 
 Gene — He wil be named Eugene 
 Dwyer, sir. That's flat. 
 
 Isadore (excitedly) — Vhat? You 
 von't mage any concessions (totters, 
 grasps at air and falls). 
 
 Gene (alarmed) — Rachel! Rachel! 
 
 (Rachel and Mrs. Cohen come on 
 with rush. Mrs. Cohen kneels and 
 gathers Isadore's head in lap, wailing. 
 Rachel rushes off, returns with basin 
 of water and dashes it into her father's 
 face.) 
 
 Isadore (sputtering, half conscious) 
 — Vel, name him Isaac Cohen Dwyer. 
 I gif in. 
 
 (Curtain.) 
 
 14 
 
Four Things To Not Forget! 
 
 Swatches 
 
 Glide, Citrle Brown-€ved Cov^ey 
 
 Horia 
 
 Cbe Bugle Call 
 
One Question. Have you read 
 
 SWATCHES? 
 
 No? Wei, just sit up and take notice 
 that your existence is minus a great help. 
 Yes? You are certainly wide awake! 
 
 Should you catch cold siting up to 
 finish these interesting books, take 
 
 K B L A 
 
 It banishes the il-effects of every form 
 of mucous membrane irritation. 
 
 THE BUGLE CALL 
 
 Should be in every loyal American home. 
 It contains the very essence of patriotism, 
 
 If your dealer cannot supply you, come to 
 
 RIANT GUILD 
 
 Baldwin and Newark Aves. 
 
 Jersey City, N. J. 
 Where we have an abundance of them 
 and many other useful accessories for 
 your comfort and amusement. 
 
Ocean Gate 
 
 Nature's culmina..-^® ^ ^^ggg 661 2 
 
 point in seashore 
 
 architecture. 
 
 We would be pleased to 
 have you accept of our 
 hospitalities to and from 
 the City Superb any 
 pleasant Sunday. 
 
 That Fascinating Waltz Song 
 
 Glide, cmie Brown-Eyed Eovcy 
 
 Is just the caper for you and the dear 
 little girlie. 
 
 To Keep Alive the Great 
 Heroism of Our Fathers 
 
 Cbe Biiflle €all 
 
 Should Be Read 
 All Over the Land