PS 3515 .fll7 W7 1922 Copy 1 Wrecking Robert's Budget -BY- EUGENE HAFER PRICE 35 CENTS Eldridge Entertainment House Franklin, Ohio bs^ Denver, Colo. 944 So. Logan Street MONOLOGS By SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS ■^HIS series of character monologs has pi'ovided ^^ something funny, yet clean and wholesome, for the boy or man who wants a specialty along the lines of the professional monolog. They are espec- ially adapted for the olio of a minstrel show or as an individual number on a vaudeville program. Have You Ever Noticed That? A tramp monolog. Izzy's Troubles. For a Hebrew character. Waiting for the Alabama Lou. A darkey talking act; the speaker being a stranded minstrel. Bo Keerful Si. A Rube monolog. As Oi Wuz Sayin'. For an Irish character. UnJerthe Pretzel Brough. Dutch monolog. PRICE 15 CENTS EACH. TWO PATRIOTIC MONOLOGS The Stars and Stripes in Flanders. A dramatic reading with a climax that will cause a thrill. Price, 25 cents. When Monty Came Home from the Marne. Suitable for any reader and a number that will be welcome on any program. Price Wt) cents. ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRANKLIN, OHIO, also 944 S. Logan, DENVER, COLO. Wrecking Robert's Budget A Comedy-Drama in 3 Acts By EUGENE HAFER PRICE 35 CENTS Copyright, 1922, Eldridge Entertainment House. PUBLISHED BY ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE, FRANKLIN, OHIO DENVER, COLO ?5S^;^1 NOTICE .f^^'^oT-^ \^ Terms of Royalty This play is protected by copyright and the rights of presentation are given only upon compliance with the following conditions : Royalty for one performance - - $10.00 Royalty for two performances - - $15.00 Each performance thereafter - - - $5.00 Royalty payable before performance. Cast of Characters Robert Quentin Kent Varnaday Larry Brentley Freddie Foster K. K. Keedon Oscar -------- Butler Bowers - - - »*•.•- - - - Butler Martha Alden .,.••• Betty Compton Joanna Compton - - - Betty's Sixteen Year-Old Sister Mrs. Alden - - - - Mother of Martha Act I. Room in the Compton Home, New York City. Act II. Library in home of Betty Compton's aunt, Atlantic City. Act III. Scene 1. Same as Act I. Scene 2. Living Room in the Alden Cottage in the country. Time— The Present. ©CI.D (33216 DEC 30 '?2 Wrecking Robert's Budget ACT I. Scene : Room in home of Betty Compton, Netv York City, beautifully and extravagantly furnished. Doors, Right, Right Center, Left and Left Center. Handsome piano down left. Large couch doivn center slightly to left. Fireplace right, but not in use. Telephone on the stand right of door L. C Large easy chair Right. Oth- er furniture may be used as necessary to fill out. Rich carpet on the floor. Handsome busts on Tnantel. This room should convey the impi'ession of tasteful opulence. Time: Afternoon, early part of May. (As curtain rises, Betty is discovered at the piano, dressed in a beautiful afternoon goivn, softly lingering over the last notes of a moody classic. Kent Vamaday is standing beside her. As the last notes softly die away, Betty drops her hands and sits for a feio moments in moody silence.) Kent— (softly) Tired, Betty? Betty — Yes. (Another moody silence.) Kent — Betty, why don't you end this supsense for all of us ? Its hard on you, and terribly hard on me. Betty — (Tired) (Places hand affectionately on Kent's arm.) I know, Kent. It's brutal. Kent — ^Then will you not end it for all of us? Betty — (Drops her hand lifelessly) Kent, I can't. I'm afraid to make the decision. Kent — (bending over her passionately) Betty, let me decide for you. I know you care for me a little. Won't you marry me? "Betty — (rises listlessly, tvalks over to couch C, and sits) Kent, I can't. 3 Wrecking Robert's Budget Kent — (standing beside couch; hopelessly) Be- cause — there is someone else? Betty — Yes. Kent — (bitterly) Bob Quentin? Betty — (softly) Yes. Kent — (bitterly) Then why don't you marry him? Betty — Because — I can't. Kent — Can't! Betty Compton can't! The acknowl- edged leader of New York society, whose favor thousands have sought, including men of world renown, she can't many Bob Quentin. Betty^ — (tired) Kent, you — you don't understand. Kent — He's been paying violent court to you for the past year. Betty — Sit down, Kent, and I'll tell you all about it. (Kent sits beside her. Pause.) How much would you estimate Bob Quentin's income per year? Kent — Approximately three thousand dollars. Betty — And what do you suppose my monthly ex- penditures total? Kent — Roughly, a couple of thousand dollars. Betty — And do you suppose a girl, who has been ac- customed to spending twenty-five or thirty thousand dol- lars a year, could happily adjust herself to an incoma of three thousand, regardless of how madly in love she might be? (Pause.) Tell me, Kent, your honest opin- ion. Kent— But it wouldn't be necessary for you to do that. You have your fortune. Betty- — (bitterly) So we've succeeded in fooling you, too, Kent? Kent — What do you mean? Betty— I mean that Betty Compton can not afford to marry for love. Kent — (quickly) Betty, you surely don't mean — Wrecking Robert's Budget Betty — Yes, I'm the most colossal farce in New York. Father's fortune at the present time doesn't equal fifteen thousand dollars. Kent — (horrified) Betty, I — I can't believe it. Betty — (bitterly) Oh, it's true enough. Father lost most of the money six months ago on the stock mar- ket. Even this place is mortgaged to the last cent. I've had to reduce the servant force. Only last week I dis- charged my social secretary and engaged another who was willing to work for considerably less. My butler is a country lout who never before saw the inside of a drawing room. Kent — (dazed) Betty, I — I don't know what to say. Betty — Under the circumstances, do you still think I could afford to marry Bob Quentin? (Pause.) Tell me, Kent? Kent — (evasively) They say love lives happiest in a hovel. Setty — Do you think I could live happily in a hovel — on three thousand a year? (Kent does not answer.) You know I couldn't, Kent, I just couldn't. Kent — (thoughtfully) How long do you estimate you can continue in your present mode of life? Betty — Six months at the very most. Kent — And if no solution presents itself by that time — Betty — Then — I'll have to marry for money. (Pav^e.) Kent, would you still want me, knowing that it was your fortune I was after? Kent — (softly) I'll want you forever, Betty. And some day, perhaps you'll find you want me. (Enter Oscar L. C. Althoiigh faultlessly attired in butler costume, he presents an awkward, uncouth ap- pearance. He brings cards to Betty, then stands aivk- ivardly tvaiting for further orders.) Wrecking Robert's Budget Betty — {reading cards) Freddie Foster and Larry Brentley. (Kent rises. Betty places a restraining hand on his arm.) Don't go, Kent, it's only those foolish boys. Kent — You'll excuse me, Betty. I'm not in the mood for frivolity. I'll talk to your father for awhile. Betty — (rises listlesshj) Neither am I. I'll go in with you to father and send Joanna in to entertain Fred- die and Larry. Show them in, Oscar. (Exit Oscar L. C) Kent, it's terribly hard being a society favorite, knowing that you're a fraud. Kent — (sympathetically) I know, Betty. But don't give up yet. Some day your ship will come in. Bob Quentin's prospects are not as bad as most people sup- pose. I understand he has an uncle in this world some- where, who is many times a millionaire. Who knows but that some day he will inherit one of those millions. [Kent and Betty move toivard door R. C.) Betty — (repaying him tvith a brave smile) That was good of you, Kent. (Exeunt Betty and Kent, R. C.) (Enter Oscar L. C, eagerly followed by Larry with a large bouquet of flowers. He advances quickly to the center of room. Look of disappointment overspreads his face ivhen he sees Betty is not present.) OscAR: — (bluntly) Miss Compton will be here in a few minutes. (Exit L. C.) (Larry goes to couch C, and sits very stiffly, hold- ing flowers rigidly in front of him. Short pause and Os- car re-enters L. C, followed by Freddie, also ivith large bouquet of floivers. Oscar exits L. C. Freddie comes down stage eagerly looking for Betty. When he sees Larry, he stops short in mingled disgust and disa/ppeint- ment.) Freddie — (peevishly) You here again ! ! Larry — (turns stiffly. Irritably) Aw-w — Freddie — Do you have to be hanging around every time I come t© see Betty? Wrecking Robert's Budget Larry — (still holding stiff posture) Well, who was here first? Any person with common sense would see at once that he's intruding ,and take the hint and leave. Freddie — (sarcastically) And leave Betty to be tortured by you the rest of the afternoon? What a girl like Betty wants is elevating and instructive entertain- ment. Larry — (sarcastically) About the only thing your talk could elevate is a gas balloon. (Freddie sits beside Larry stiffly. Like Larry, he holds bouquet rigidly in front of him. Pause.) Freddie — Well, where is Betty? Larry — She probably heard you coming and ducked out of the back door. Freddie — I suppose you're here for your weekly pro- posal. How many times has she refused you so far? Twenty or thirty times? Larry — I'm just ten proposals behind you. (Voice is heard off stage R. C. Larry and Freddie jump to their feet and hurry to door R. C. They wait eagerly for Betty to enter, Larry on one side of door and Freddie on the other.) (Enter Joanna, a sprightly girl of sixteen. As soon as she enters door R. C, Larry and Freddie, thinking her Betty, quickly force their bouquets into her arms, so that her face is partly covered. Each take her by an arm and eagerly lead her down stage to couch, both talking ra/p^ idly.) Freddie — Betty, I haven't seen you since — Larry— Betty, you're looking lovelier — (Joanna removes floivers from her face, and stands laughing at the tivo. Larry and Freddie stop short in surprise.) Larry and Freddie — (in disgusted chorus) Joan- na! (Both sit doiun and Joanna bounces in between them.) Wrecking Robert's Budget Joanna — {eagerly) Oh, what nice boys you are get- ting to be. And do you really think I ajn getting loveU^r every day? Lovelier than Betty? Now, you know you said it. (Shaking finger at the boys.) Larry — (with jyoor grace) Ah, we thought you were Betty. (Starts to rise.) Freddie — (with equally poor grace) Isn't Betty home? (Also starts to rise.) Joanna — (restrains them) Wait. Betty sent me in to entertain you until she comes. So be seated, gen- tlemen, and proceed to be entertained. (Freddie and Larry both sit with poor grace.) Isn't this a lovely day? Larry — (irritably) I think it's rotten. Joanna — (reprovingly) Infraction number one of the golden rule of etiquette: whenever a lady makes a statement, gentlemen should always agree with her. Freddie — (pointedly) Infraction number two: chil- dren should be seen, not heard. (Joanna rises ftiriously to her feet, throws bouquets violently to floor, walks haughtily up stage L. Then she turns.) Joanna — (scathingly) Well, if childhood were de- termined by brains and sense, you'd be twins in swad- dling clothes. (Stars for door L. C.) (Enter Robert Quentin, a handsomely dressed young fellow of about twenty-seven, eagerly. As soon as she sees him, Joanna runs over to him with a cry of delight^ and takes both his hands in hers.) Robert — (heartily) Well, well, Joanna. How's lit- tle Merry Sunshine today? Larry — (snorts) Here comes another one. Joanna — (poutingly) Oh, Bob, I'm so glad you came. I've just been insulted — terribly insulted. Robert — (pretending to be shocked) Insulted! Somebody insulted my little Sunshine. Just show me the man — Wreckinfj Robert's Budget Joanna — Oh, but Bob, it wasn't a man. It was just Freddie. (Robert laughs heartily. Freddie look^ extremely sheepish.) Robert — Well, suppose we call it an even break. By the v/ay, Larry, I saw something queer a few moments ago. I thought I saw somebody going down the street in your car. Larry — {jnynps tip in dismay) My Dodge? (Hur- ries out door L. C.) Robert — Freddie, is that your car standing about fifty feet down the avenue? Freddie — Yes, what about it? Robert — Oh, nothing. I just thought it appeared to be on fire. Freddie — (jumps to feet in disinay) My Ford!! (Exit frantically L. C. Robert and Joanna look at one another and grin.) Joanna — (laughing) Oh, Bob, what did you do to their cars? Robert — Drove Larry's Dodge around the corner, and put a match to a pile of dried grass about ten feet on the other side of Freddie's Ford. From a distance it looks honest to goodness like a car on fire. Where's Bet- ty today? Joanna — She'll be in presently. She sent me in to entertain you until she comes. Robert — (leads Joanna to couch and sits by her) Well, suppose we go fifty-fifty on the entertainment fea- ture? You -entertain me and Fll entertain you. Now, you entertain me first. Joanna — (pleased) All right. (But shakes a warning finger at him.) But if I say it's a lovely day, it's not fair to say (imitating Larry) "I think it's rot- ten." Robert — (gallantly) Of course not. If you say it's 10 Wrecking Robert's Budget a lovely day, then it is a lovely day, no matter what kind of a day it is. Joanna — Bob, I believe I'll marry you some day. Now I'll begin my entertainment, (Impressively.) Betty has the most wonderful social secretary you ever met in all your life. Robert — (duly impressed) You don't say. Joanna — (nods head gravely) Um-huh. She's a country girl, and last Wednesday night her mother be- came ill. (Wrinkles forehead impressively.) You know how it stormed last Wednesday night. Well, in all that storm she had to go away (gesture) out into the country to see her mother. Her name is Martha Alden. If I were a man she's the kind of girl I'd want to marry. Robert — This is getting interesting. Joanna — (looks around impressively and cautious- ly) And listen, Bob. (Robert appears deeply impressed.) You mustn't tell this to a soul, what I'm going to tell you now. Robert — (Impressed) Cross my heart. Joanna — (in a loud cautious whisper) Our but- ler's in love with her. Robert — (suppressing his amusement) That awk- ward lout that let me in? Joanna — Yes. (Mysteriously.) One day this week I caught him talking to her roughly and (very impress- ively) she was crying. I think she knew him before he ever came here and doesn't want to have anything to do with him. (Looks tip quickly at Robert.) Am I enter- taining you? Robert — Wonderfully. Now, is it my turn? Joanna — Yes. (Eagerly.) Tell me some secrets. (Sitddenly.) Did you ever propose to a girl? Tell me about that. You know it's nice to have the experience. Robert — Well, I make it a point to propose to Betty twice a week, and (rue f idly) Betty makes it a point to turn me down twice a week. Wrecking Robert's Budget 11 Joanna — (with a sigh) Just think of all the pro- posals going to waste. Robert — But, Joanna, it isn't my fault. Betty ivill say "no." Joanna — (ruminating) And just think of all the girls who would be so glad to have them. Wouldn't it be nice if all the proposals could be distributed around a little more evenly so everybody would get one? Robert — (in mock dismay) Well, now — I don't know. (Suddenly.) Suppose you suggest that to Fred- die and Larry. Joanna — But Bob, you're forgetting. It's your turn to entertain me. You know — secrets. Robert — Secrets it is. (Looks around with mock caution.) Listen — last Wednesday night, I met the storm gorl. Joanna — (wide-eyed) The storm girl! Robert — {impressively) Um-hum. I was travel- ing a new route a hundred miles or so west of here, when I happened to pass a lonely railroad station. It was raining oceans. As my lights cast a glare over the platform, I saw a girl signalling for me to stop. (BoV pauses.) Joanna — (eagerly) Yes, yes, go on. Robert — I stopped and the girl waded out to the car and begged me to take her home as her mother was sick. (Reminiscently.) Jove, Joanna, I wish you could have seen the piteous tear-stained face she turned up to me when she asked me to take her home. Joanna — (imde-eyed in her interest) Was she pretty ? Robert — I don't suppose she would be considered as beautiful as Betty or some other girls I know; but there was something so sweet and appealing about her. So I helped her into the car and after a fifteen-minute ride through the mud, we finally reached her home, 12 Wrecking Robert's Bridget where we found her mother much improved, and the doc- ter in charge. Joanna— And you don't know her name? Robert — No. Joanna — {thoughtfully) I wish I could see your stonn girl. {Voices off L. C) Oh, there come Freddie and Larry back. {Joanna and Robert rise.) Before you go in to Betty, I must show you my new hat. {Plead- ingly.) You'll look at it, won't you, Bob? Robert — {gallantly) Joanna, if there is anything in this world I love to look at, it's girls' hats, (Exeunt Robert and Joanna, L.) {Enter Freddie and Larry, L. C, violently; furious- ly angry over the trick Bob used to clear the field for himself.) Larry — ( a7ig rily ) Gone ! Freddie— That is what I call a mean trick! (Enter Oscar R. C.) Oscar — (bluntly) Miss Compton says you can come in the library. {Exeunt Freddie and Larry, quickly, R. C.) {Enter Martha, a gentle, siueet-tempered girl of 21, dressed simply, yet tastefidly. She has a letter in her hand, and comes half way doivn stage, looking for Betty, then starts for door R. C.) Oscar — Martha. Martha — {stops and turns; quietly) Yes? Oscar — {coming to her side) You ain't give me an answer yet. Martha — {distressed) Mr. Heitman, why do you continue to bother me? Haven't I told you, time and time again, that I cannot accept your attentions? Oscar — When we lived out in the country you used to go out with me. Martha — Only once — and we were children then. {Pleadingly.) Please don't annoy me further. Wrecking Robert's Budget 13 Oscar — {stubbornhj) And did you think I came to New York to be a butler because I liked it? No; I came so's I could be near you — so I could see you every day. Martha — {looking around, frightened) Mr. Heit- man, you must not — you must not talk to me like that. Oscar — {obstinately) Martha, I git off tonight. Let's go out to a show or something. Martha — {distressed) I have told you beiors — I cannot go with you. - Oscar — (angrily) So you've become such a fine lady now, you can't be bothered with your old iriondd any more. ^iVell, don t forget we still hold that thousand dol- lar note against your ma's home. Maybe you won't feel so high and mighty when I get Pa to turn your ma out. Martha — {Turns quickly; frightened) Mr. Heit- man, you wouldn't — you surely couldn't do that? Oscar — (sneeringly) Oh, couldn't I? Maybe you don't know your ma ain't paid the interest on that note? Martha — {pUeously) Oh, but you know Mother has been so sick. All I make is needed to pay the doctor bills. As soon as Mother is well again, you know we'll pay you. {Looks up at him tearfuUy.) You know we will. {Enter Robert and Joanna L. They stop in dconoay in surprise.) Oscar — I don't know nothing of the kind. But I put a proposition up to you. You can either take it or leave it. Shall v/e put your mother out, or will you and me keep steady company? Martha — {piteously) Oh, I can't — I can't. O&cxYi— {angrily) All right, Miss High-and-Mighty. We'll see how different you feel when you find your ma goin' to the poorhouse. I'll write to Pa tonight. ^Turns to leave.) {Robert comes down stage L.) Robert — Just a minute, Butler. {Martha and Os- 14 Wrecking Robert's Budget car turn quickly. Martha colors violently then starts as she recognizes Robert. Robert stops suddenly dum- founded, as he sees her face, then comes quickly to her side, wide-eyed with astonishment.) Why — my storm girl! {Martha turns slightly away from him. Drops her head ashamed.) Robert — {turns savagely to Oscar.) What do you mean, Butler, by talking that way to this girl? {He ad- vances threateningly upon Oscar, who retreats.) Martha — {Throivs herself in front of Robert. Ap- pealingly.) Please — please don't make a scene here on my account. Robert — {hotly) But he needs a darned good thresh- ing. Martha — It will only make matters worse. Please, for my sake. Robert — I wish you'd let me take just one good punch at him. {To Oscar.) Butler, this is the second time you have been seen annoying this lady. The next time this occurs you will settle with me. Now, get out ! {Oscar stoically goes out L. C.) Joanna — {quickly) Martha, that horrible man! I'll have Father discharge him at once. Martha — Please, Joanna, don't. You don't under- stand. I'm sure it will not happen again. Please forget about it. Robert — {in sw^prise) Martha? {To Joanna.) Jo- anna, is this your Martha? JoannA: — Why, of course. Who else could it be? Miss Alden, allow me to introduce Mr. Quentin. Robert — Why, Joanna, this is my storm-girl. Joanna — {Looks from one to the other in astonish- ment) Martha! Your storm-girl! Robert — {Laughs, mimicking Joanna) Why, of course. Who else could it be? Wrecking Robert's Budget 15 Joanna — Martha, is this true? Martha — (embdrrassed) Mr. Quentin took me home one night last week in the. storm, if that is what you mean. Joanna — (Looks from one to the other; hands on hips) Well, I'll be jiggered! Robert — {to Martha) Miss Alden, you don't know what a wonderful surprise this is for me. I called my- self all kinds of names after I left you that night, for not learning your name. I hope your mother is improved. Martha — She is still under the doctor's care, al- though much improved. I — I don't know what you must think of me for stopping you, a total stranger, and mak- ing you take me home. Joanna — Oh, Martha, he liked it. Do you know he told me all about it — how beautiful you were, and {tor- mentingly, laughing at Bob.) Oh, Martha, you ought to hear what else he said about you. Robert — (panic-stricken) Joanna, that was a se- cret. Remember, you promised. (Enter Oscar, L. C, followed by Keedon. Keedon is a gueer looking character, small and shrivelled, with a canstant tendency to peer over, instead of through his glasses.) Oscar— Mr. K. K. Keedon. (Exit.) (Robert, Martha and Joanna look at Keedon in sur- prise, as he conies doivn stage toward them.) Joanna — (advances to meet Keedon) Do you wish to see Father? He's in the library. Keedon— (Peers at her over glasses) Well, now, that all depends. If your father happens to be Mr. Rob- ert Quentin, then I reckon I want to see your father. Joanna — (laughs, indicating Robert) This is Mr. Quentin. But he does not have the mortification of be- ing my father. Keedon — (looking Robert over critically and dis- 16 Wrecki7ig Robert's Budget apprGvingly) Humph! So you are Robert Quentin, eh? Robert — (humbly) My apologies, sir. The dis- tinction was thrust upon me at a time when I was incap- able of protest. Keedon— Young feller, I have a matter of great moment to discuss with you. I must see you privately for a few moments. Robert — Then why not see me at my apartment. This place — Joanna — {interrupting) You may use this room, Robert. Martha and I will go in to Betty. Robert — (protesting) But I didn't come here to talk business. I came here — Joanna — (starting for door R. C, with Martha) We'll tell Betty you have been detained and will be in shortly. (Exeunt Martha and Joanna, R. C.) Robert — (assenting ivith poor grace) All right. (Drops on couch. Sits up suddenly.) Say, you aren't a representative of that country constable I knocked down last week with my car? I tell you it was all his fault. What business did he have trying to stop me when I was coming in to see Betty? Keedon — (faking several documents from pocket) Just hold your horses, i ain't a representative of any constable. Although I haven't the slightest doubt you ought to be in jail for whatever it was. You've got all the earmarks of a criminal. Robert — (relieved) Remarkably clever man. Did you ever run for president? Keedon — Now, we'll get down to business. But, first (sarcastically) if you have no objections, I'll take a chair. Robert — Help yourself. They don't belong to me. By the way, what did you say your name is? Keedon — I didn't say. But it happens to be K. K. Keedon. Wrecking Robert's Budget 17 Robert — (7)iusingbj) Wonderful possibilities in that name. Just suppose you signed a letter K. K. K. — Ku Klux Klan. Did you ever think of that? And then, have you ever thought of the horrible possibility of someone getting that Keedon backwards? Just reflect upon the result^ — Kee-don — Donkee. Keedon — Asinine characteristics in name might be considered by some preferable to asinine qualities of mentality. You don't understand that of course, but it means that a donkey name is better than a donkey brain. (Unfolds papers.) Shall I read these to you, or shall I give you the gist of them? Robert — Let me see them. (Keedon hands thein to him. He lueighs them in his hands, sighs, then hands them hack to Keedon.) Don't read them. Keedon — (sarcastically) Then, if I may have your valuable attention for a few minutes, I'll try to explain what these papers represent. Young feller, against my advice, your Uncle Josephus J. Quentin has had the bad judgment to confer quite a sum of money upon you. Robert — (suddenly sits vp and takes notice) Say that again. Keedon — I merely mentioned that your uncle had the extremely poor judgment to confer a sum of money upon you. Robert — ■{rising quickly) Money! Me! Keedon — Exactly. If you feel that you're going to faint, please let me know in advance. Robert— -((Za2;erf) How — how much money? Keedon — One hundred thousand dollars. Ror.ERT — (stares sttipidhj at Keedon, passes hand over forehead, feels unsteadily for arm of conch, then dazedly sinks doivn on couch) One hundred thousand dollars ! Keedon — (ivith sarcasm) If you don't hear good, you'd better get an ear trumpet. 18 Wrecking Robert's Budget Robert — {weakly) Keedon — I — think — I'm going to faint, Keedon — Faint away. I've got other news for you that I calculate will bring you to. Robert — {faintly) Keedon, did you say — one hun- dred thousand dollars ? Keedon — You got it right the first time. Are you ready for the rest of it? Robert — {still faintly) One hundred thousand dol- lars! Keedon, you know I didn't mean what I said about your name: Ku Klux Klan, and Donkey and all that. I think you've got a beautiful name. Keedon — {sarcastically) You do, eh? I might cas- ually mention there is a string tied to that hundred thou- sand dollars before you get it. Robert — {loith a sigh) 1 knew it couldn't last. Keedon — Are you ready for the string? Robert — Let her go. Keedon — Your uncle was always a great disciple of the doctrine of thrift. Young man, that was how he amassed the fortune he has today. Through tireless ef- fort and consistent saving, he — Robert — Never mind the sermon. Let's have the string. Keedon — I'm of the opinion, young man, that a ser- mon would do you no harm. Well, your uncle makes the conveyance of the hundred thousand dollars conditional. And the condition is that you save one thousand dollars within the next six months. Robert — {stunned) One thousand dollars! One — Keedon — Not so good, eh? Robert — {unbelieving) You mean he expects me to save a hundred and sixty-five dollars a month for the next six months? Keedon — A hundred and sixty-six dollars, sixty-six and two-thirds cents, to be exact. Wrecking Robert's Budget 19 Robert — (rises hopelesshj) Keedon, it can't be done. Keedon — Floored you, eh? How much do you make a month? Robert — (in disgust) Two hundred and fifty dol- lars. Keedon — Two-fifty. Well, that would still leave you eighty-three dollars. Robert — (shouts) Eighty-three dollars! Great Scott, man, the rent of my apartment alone amounts to eighty dollars per month. Keedon — (easily) Then I reckon you'll have to leave your apartment. Robert — (savagely) I'll be hanged if I do. Are there any restrictions on how I get the money? Keedon — Well, you'lll have to be able to prove that the money is yours; that it is not borrowed and that it is not hypothecated. Robert — Who thought of all those confounded con- ditions? Keedon — (boivs maliciovMy) Your venerable uncle inserted them at my humble suggestion. Robert — (glares at him) At your suggestion. Kee- don, I meant every word I said about that name of yours. Keedon — Neither has my opinion change^ on closer acquaintance regarding your brain. Well, what are you going to do — accept or reject? Of course, you'll fail. 'Robert^ (savagely) Keedon, I'd like to win, just to fool you. Keedon — irises) Perhaps you would like to ponder over this matter at your leisure. Robert — No, I'll make a decision right now. Of course, there's only one decision to make. (Glumly) I couldn't save a thousand dollars in a thousand years. Keedon — Then, the answer is "not accepted"? Robert — (/peevishly) " Wait a minute. Can't I have a little time? (Paces back and forth glumly.) 20 Wrecking Robert's Budget (Enter Martha, R. C. Crosses to door L. C.) Robert — {quickly) Oh, Miss Alden. {Martha stops and turns inquiringly.) (To Keedon.) There's no con- founded clause in there restricting me from taking some- one into my confidence? Keedon — None at all. You may announce it from the housetops if you wish. Robert — Miss Alden, I'm in a dickens of a pinch. {Martha comes down stage and takes position between Keedon and Robert.) Won't you give me some advice? Martha — {modestly) I'm afraid any advice from me would not be very helpful. Robert — Miss Alden, this is Mr. Keedon. {Keedon bows and looks her over critically. Martha bows. Rob- ert, disconsolate.) Miss Alden, do you think it humanly possible for a man to live in New York on eighty-three dollars per month? Martha — {thoughtfully) I live on less than that. Robert — {unbelieving) You live in New York, on less than eighty dollars a month? Martha — Why, yes. Many girls working in the factories and department stores are compelled to live on much less than that. Keedon — {sarcastically) And they don't have a hundred thousand dollar incentive to inspire them either. Robert — (eagerly to Martha) Do you think / could live on eighty-three dollars a month? Martha — Yes. Robert — You really think I could? Martha — There is no doubt about it, if you go about it right. (Robert paces back and forth several times quickly endeavoring to make a decision. Suddenly he stops and faces Keedon.) Robert — Keedon, I'm going to try it. Keedon — (sarcastically) You're going to try it? Wrecking Robert's Budget 21 Young- f slier, anybody with real backbone wouldn't try it, he'd do it. Young feller, you're going to fail. Robert — {irritatabhj) For heaven's sake, Keedon, don't be so devilishly encouraging. Don't you think I know it? Keedon — I want you to come to this address next Tuesday morning at nine, and we'll go over this thing more thoroughly. {Hands Robert card.) Robert — When do these six months of torture be- gin? Keedon — ^Right away. {Turns to leave.) Robert — Say, Keedon, there isn't a possible chance of your getting that crank of an uncle of mine to change those conditions, is there? Keedon — {turns) Well, now, I might psrsuade him to raise the amount you're to save from one thou- sand to two thousand. Robert — {glocmily) You needn't bother. {Exit Keedon L. C. As soon as Keedon is out, Rob- ert turns quickly to Martha. The action from this point should be fast.) Robert — (quickly) Miss Alden when Alexander set out to conquer the world he thought he had a big job ahead of him. Alexander's job couldn't hold a candle to the one I have. Martha — {smiling) You aren't inclined to exag- geration, are you, Mr, Quentin? Robert — Not a bit. That fellow, Keedon, is a rep- resentative of- an uncle of mine who has so much money that it keeps a factory busy manufacturing sacks to keep the interest in. Well, this uncle of mine has seen fit to convey a hundred thousand dollars of this money to me — Martha — {quickly; awed) One hundred thousand dollars ! Robert — {wryly) Wait. You haven't heard all of it. He tied a string to the conveyance, namely, that I would 22 Wrecking Robert's Budget have to save one thousand dollars in the next six months. Just think of it. (Pathetically.) I, who haven't saved one dollar in twenty-seven years, should save a thousand dollars in six months. (Drops on couch ivith head be- tween hands.) Martha — (qidckly) Oh, but you can do it. You must do it. Just think — one hundred thousand dollars! You would be independent for life. Robert — (disconsolately) Just think of me living for six months on eighty-three dollars per month. Why, board and room alone will amount to more than that. Martha — Oh, no. I have heard of people who pay no more than forty dollars a month for board and room. Robert — So have I — in novels. But, granting that, that would leave me only forty-three dollars for other expenses. Why, I spend that much for flowers. Martha — But a hundred thousand dollars in six months! You would be making almost seventeen thou- sand dollars a month. ROBERT: — It would be worth seventeen thousand dol- lars to me to live on eighty-three dollars a month. Martha — (earnestly) You think it hard because you have never tried it. Just because you have been in the habit of spending two hundred and fifty or three hun- dred dollars per month is no reason why you should not be able to live on very much less. And six months will pass away quickly. i^OBERT — I'll pass away before the six months will. (Pause. Rises.) That fellow, Keedon, suggested that string. Do you know, I don't like that fellow. Martha — Before you make a hasty decision, why not talk to someone who is more familiar with living ex- penses in New York than I am? (Suddenly.) Why not speak to Mr. Varnaday? Robert — Kent! With the two or three million dol- lar fortune that he owns? He knows as much about liv- ing on eighty-three dollars a month as a street car con- Wrecking Robert's Budget 23 ductor knows about courtesy. jMartha — But he may be able to help you. He is in the librarj' now. Why not go in and ask him? It will surely do no harm. Robert — (thinks quickly for a moment) You're right. Kent may be able to help me. If you'll excuse me I'll go right in and talk to him. Martha — Yes, please go right away. (Exit RoheH hurnedly R. C) (Enter Joanna, R.) Martha — (quickly) Oh, Joanna, has Mr. Quentin told you the news? Joanna — (quickly) What news? Martha — (doubtfully) Perhaps he intended that I should keep it a secret. Joanna — (Takes Martha by hand and pulls her down to couch.) Now, Martha, you just must tell me. (Puts arm affectionately around Marth-a.) You know Bob wouldn't care if I knew. Martha — No, I don't think he would. You were here when that queer old man came in, were you not? {Joanna nods.) Well, that old man brought Mr. Quentin news that he would receive one hundred thousand dollars from his uncle, provided he would save one thousand dol- lars in six months. Joanna — (surprised) One hundred thousand dol- lars ! Martha — Yes, but in order to save that one thou- sand dollars, it will be necessarj^ for him to live on eigh- ty-three dollars per month. Joanna — (laughs) Eighty dollars per month! Bob Quentin live on eighty dollars per month! {Laughs heartily.) Oh, Martha, this is too good. Martha — (doubtfully) I suppose it will be hard for him. Joanna — (suddenly sitting up straight on couch) 24 Wrecking Robert's Budget Martha, if Bob Quentin wins that hundred thousand dol- lars, Betty will marry him. Martha — (looking doivn) I — I thought of that. Joanna— (rises determinedly) Then, I'm going to try to keep Bob from winning it. Martha — (Rises suddenly) Joanna! Joanna — If Bob Quentin is not good enough for Betty without a fortune, he's not good enough for her with a fortune. If Betty hasn't the courage to marry a poor man whom she loves, she should not have him at all. And I'm going to make it my pe;rsonal business to see that Bob Quentin does not win that money. Martha — But just think, Joanna, a hundred thou- sand dollars! Joanna — I don't care if it's a hundred million. Are you going to help me, Martha? Martha — No. I've already promised to help him. Joanna — You want to see him marry Betty? Martha — Yes, if— if he wishes to. Joanna — (stubbornly) Well, I don't. I like Bob, and I love Betty. But I have other plans for both of them; so there! Martha, Betty would like to see you in the drawing room. Martha — (starting for door R. C.) Joanna, I wish I had not told you. (Exeunt Martha and Joanna R. C.) (Enter Kent and Robert, R., quickly.) Robert — (talking excitedly) There's only one earth- ly way in which it can be done, and that's by saving a hundred and sixty-six dollars and sixty-six cents per month. Kent — (sitting on couch C.) How much do you save now? Robert — Save? Kent, I haven't saved a dollar in twenty-seven years. Once about three years ago, I did put fifty dollars in a bank — a week later, the bank closed its doors from the shock. Wrecking Robert's Budget 25 Kent — You have no other income? Robert — ^No, but there are plenty of expenses. I'll tell you frankly, Kent, I don't think it can be done. Kent — But, if you should succeed — think of the re- ward : one hundred thousand dollars ! Robert- — ivjryhj) Yes, think of living for six months on" eighty-three dollars per month. Think of eat- ing pork and beans for six months. Kent — There is only one way to go about this thing right, in order to insure success, and that is to make a budget. Robert — {reminiscently) I made a budget once. It was a wonderful budget. I kept it up a whole month. That month I spent only a hundred dollars more than I usually spend. Kent — Lend me your pencil and note book. We'll have to begin with beard and lodging. Kov; much do you pay for lodging now? Robert — Eighty dollars per month, and I'll be hanged if I give it up. Kent — Tomorrow you go and find a place where they will feed and house you for forty dollars per month. Robert — Good. I'll start vvith the Waldorf. It will be splendid exercise for the bouncers. Kent — Car fare and noonday lunch — ten dollars per month. Robert — Pardon me, Kent, but I eat every day. Kent — Clothes — ^I suppose you have enough suits on hand to run you over six months. 'vVe'U make it twelve dollars a month. Robert — That ought to buy a couple of dandy neck- ties. Kent — Car fare — five dollars per month. Robert — (wildly) Kent, do I have to lide in street cars? I quit right now. Kent — Miscellaneous expenses, as theaters, tobac- 26 Wrecking Robert's Budget CO, confections, flowers for Betty, taxicabs, toilet articles, etc., — fifty cents per day. Robert — Ye gods! What am I going to do with all my money? Kent — Which makes a grand total of eighty-two dollars. Add three cents per day to miscellaneous, and your budget is complete. Robert — (fervently) Kent, old boy, you should have been a financier. Now, if you will tell me how any living soul can follow that budget, you're a genius. Kent — Very simple. Don't spend any more than the budget calls for, and you're safe. Robert — (Takes note book from Kent. Looks over items. Reads.) Theaters, confections, flowers, taxicabs, toilet articles, etc., fifty-three cents per day. Don't you think we might cut down on that? I'm afraid I'll be spending money foolishly. Kent — Of course, you can't expect to have a wild party every week, or take girls to the theater every other night. Robert — Why not? I've got to spend that fifty- three cents somehow. Kent — What do you pay for your cigarettes? Robert — Fifty cents a pack. Kent — You'd better begin smoking the fifteen cent variety tomorrow. Robert — I'll be hanged if I do! Before I smoke fifteen-cent cigarettes for six months, there'll have to be a bigger incentive than a hundred thousand dollars. Kent — Now that your budget is complete, when are you going to begin? Robert — Right away. Might as well discover that it can't be done now as later. By the way, Kent. Sup- pose I spend my whole month's miscellaneous in one ev- ening — what will I do then? Kent — Then no cigarettes, no theaters, no taxis, no Wrecking Robert's Budget 27 girls for a whole month. {Enter Betty R. C) Betty — {coming doivn stage and joining Kent and Robert. Reprovingly) Robert Quentin, do you know you've neglected me all afternoon? Robert — {penitently) I'm sorry, Betty, but you know nothing short of flood or cyclone could keep me away from you. Today it was a cyclone. {Kent and Rob- ert make way for Betty, who sits betioeen them on the couch. Kent starts to rise; Betty lays restraining hand on his arm.) Betty — {reprovingly) Want to leave me so soon, Kent, after you've left me to the mercy of those boys for half an hour? Come — tell me what matters of state you were deciding as I came in. Kent — {rvith mock seriousness) We were just dis- cussing whether you were prettier yesterday than today, or today than yesterday. I contended that you are pret- tier today — Robert — And my contention was that tomorrow you will be prettier than either today or yesterday. And that day after tomorrow — Betty — {laughs) And so on ad infinitum. You've redeemed yourselves beautifully. Now, what was the real topic of conversation? Kent^ — Merely idle gossip. Bob and I disagreed on what it costs a man to live nowadays. Betty, what- do think is the least a man can live on today? Betty — ^thoughtfully) Well, I can't imagine any- one living on less than two hundred dollars a month. Robert — {facetiously) Tra-lee-la-la. {Aside.) That's what T call a smart girl. Kent — But you must admit there are many people living on fifty, sixty and seventy dollars a month. Betty — {in horror) Fifty dollars a month. Why, that wouldn't keep me in shoes. 28 Wrecking Robert's Budget Kent— Nevertheless, there are people in this world that do it. Robert — {facetiously) And do you know how they do it? They make a budget. And they spend fifty-three cents a day for miscellaneous — theaters, parties, ice cream, candy, et cetera. Betty — Those people don't live — they exist. Robert — And after about six months they cease to exist. Kent — But those people get used to it. Of course, it would be hard for one of us. Robert— I say it will be hard. Betty^ — I've read that the Chinese live on three or four cents a day. Robert — The next time I get my laundry I'm going to have a talk with that Chinaman. Betty — But it must be horrible to live like that. Just imagine, eveiy time you'd wish to spend five dol- lars — Robert — Betty, a fellow who makes sixty dollars a month doesn't think of spending five dollars — at least not all at once. The best he can do is fifty-three cents. Betty — You seem to know a lot about it, Bob. Kent — He'll know a lot more about it, six months from now. Robert — And they eat doughnuts and coffee for breakfast; and beans and prunes for lunch; and coffee and doughnuts for supper. Their idea of a spendthrift is a fellow who goes to the movies twice a month. They wear one suit three years, and then won't speak to the man they bought it from, because it didn't last four. And they wear celluloid collars to save a ten-cent laundry bill. Betty — (shudders) And they do that year after year? Robert — Oh, no — they go mad after six months. Those who don't go mad jump in the river. Wrecking Robert's Budget 29 Kent — Oh, they become accustomed to it. But it would be hard for one of us to do it. Just think, sup- pose you had to ride in a street car every time you wished to go anywhere. (Bob looks rather dismayed.) Suppose you had to shine your own shoes; and shave yourself; live in a tiny room with a wash stand and a bed a foot too short; (Bob's expression is pathetic.) Suppose, whan you wanted to entertain your lady friends of an evening, you'd have to take them to a ten-cent mov- ie instead of a ten-dollar opera. Robert — {pathetically) Kent, will I — I mean do they really have to do that? Kent — {tormentingly) Of course. Robert — But, whom would I — I mean whom do they find who'll go to a ten-cent movie with them? Kent— Oh, there are any number of girls who work in prune and pickle factories who consider a movie the wildest kind of a diversion. {Enter Martha, quickly, R. C. She advances down stage io left of couch.) Martha — {nervously) Mr. Quentin, could I — ■ could I see you for just a moment? Robert — (rises quickly, excuses himself and comes quickly over to Martha. Their whole di Larry, both dressed in overalls.) Freddie — (tvith sigh of relief. In audible whisper) Wrecking Robert's Budget 57 Lord, I thought we were done for when that butler saw us on the steps. Now, how are we going to get out of here? Larry — There's a back exit out that way I believe. Freddie — Wonder where all the rest v/ent to all of a sudden. George! Suppose one of them should come- in now. Larry — It wouldn't be a bit worse than being caught at that bazaar tonight with two dollars and a half in your pockets. Freddie — Whew! Didn't it make your head swim to hear them talking about fifty-dollar chances, ten-dol- lar shows and twenty-five dollar donations? I knew right then it was no place for a man with two dollars and fifty cents. ' *j(j Larry — Well, it's an ill wind that blows nobody good. Bob Quentin is going to spend some money to- night. Freddie — -That fellow must have discovered a gold mine. See how airily he handed Joanna that twenty-five dollar donation. George! You could have knocked me over with a feather. Larry — Well, let's get out of here. (Just as Freddie and Larry are about to leave, Rob- ert creeps in softly, L., also dressed in overfalls. Robert sees them and they see him simultaneously. Robert drops 'panic-stricken behind settee and Freddie and Lar- ry try to hide behind easy chair, R. They crouch con-> cealed for a few moments in breathless silence, then slowly and simidtaneously all raise their heads cautious- ly. Looks of consternation overspread faces of all.) Robert — (rising quickly, dumfounded) Freddie — Larry — what the devil — Larry and Freddie — (thunderstruck) Bob Quen- tin! (All three come quickly down C. This scene should be in excited ivhispers.) 58 Wrecking Robert's Budget Robert — What in thunder are you fellows up to? Larry — What are yon up to? Robert — It's a case of either get away from here or go to the poorhouse with me. So I decided to take French leave. Freddie — That's why we're leaving. Larry and I have exactly six dollars and fifty cents between us. Robert — How are you going? Larry — Any way. Just to get away. No passen- ger trains tonight. Robert — Let's go down and grab a nice cozy box car. Freddie — But how are you going to explain to the girls later? Robert — I don't know. I only know it's necessary to leave and to leave quickly. Larry — Whew! Did you ever see a spending orgy like this one? A week in this pla^e would send old Croe- sus himself to the Old Folks Home. Robert — Come on, fellows. Let's get out while the going's good. (All three start cautiously for door R. Suddenly Bowers and Kent enter R. C. Kent switches on light, then seizes Freddie by arms from behind. Bowers seizes Robert and pinions his arms. Freddie drops fran- tically behind settee L.) Bowers— (triumphantly) Ha, my bold bank rob- ber. I've got you this time. (Calls aloud.) Miss Comp- ton, we got 'em. We got all three of 'em. (Betty, Joanna and Martha enter R. C, hurriedly.) Kent — (in astonishment, as he sees Larry's face) Why, Larrj''! Joanna — (Runs up to Robert, who is still held fimv- ly by Boivers.) Why, Robert! Betty — (as Freddie slowly and sheepishly emerges from behind setee) Why Freddie! Wrecking Robert's Budget 59 (Dramatic pause.) Bowers — {triumphantly) I got him. This here one's the ringleader. I knew he was a desperate one the first time I saw him. Kent — {endeavoring to suppress a smile) Bowers, you may release Mr. Quentin. Bowers — Don't you think we better tie him up first ? He's a desperate one. Kent — Release him. {Bowers does so reluctantly.) Bob, Larry, Freddie — what in thunder does this mean? Robert — (Looks pathetically at Freddie and Larry for help. Gulps nervously.) Why, you see — you see — it was this way. (Looks at Kent appealing, who sup- presses a swile.) I — ^we — Freddie and Larry. Larry, you tell them. Larry — No, no. You tell them. Martha — (suddenly) Oh, Mr. Quentin, did you think this was a masquerade affair? Freddie — (breathlessly) Masquerade! That's it! Larry — (fervently) That's it. We thought it was a masquerade affair, didn't we Bob? Robert — (wiping beads of perspiration from fore- head) Yes. We — we thought it was a masquerade. CURTAIN ACT in. SCENE ONE Scene — Same as Act L Fire is burning in firepUice R. Couch iS'draivn slightly R., nearer to fire. Arm chair is L. Time — One month later. Afternoon. (Discovered: Larry seated on couch. Enter Oscar, follmved by Freddie, L. C. Exit Oscar.) Freddie — {coming quickly down C.) Larry, have you heard the latest about Bob Quentin? Larry — Well, I know he's three hundred dollars 60 Wrecking Robert's Budget short in his budget, and is doing everything short of murder trying to raise it. What's his latest? Counter- feiting ? Freddie — Worse than that. He had seven hundred dollars saved and instead of leaving well enough alone, he sank the whole seven hundred dollars in one of the worst speculations on the market — Texoma Oil. Larry — (rising quickly) Texoma Oil! {Whistles.) Has the man gone crazy? Freddie — I believe it. That stock has been drop- ping for the past two months. He told me he bought a week ago at three and a half. Larry — What is it selling for now? Freddie — Two and a half at the close of the market yesterday. Larry — So he's lost two hundred dollars already. If he had taken a college course in extravagance he couldn't have found a quicker way of losing his money than that. Did you see him? How did he look? Freddie — George! I never saw anyone look so sick in all my life. Larry — What's the matter with Joanna lately? At first she was doing her best to make him lose the money, and within the past two weeks she's helping him win. Freddie — Just exercising her prerogative to change- her mind. You can't tell about these women. Today, she'll probably be on our side again. (Enter Joanna, R. C.) Larry — (quickly) Joanna, did you know Bob Quen- tin's six months will be up in a few days, and that he's short? Joanna — (bristling) Who told you he's short? Larry — He did himself. Told Freddie. Didn't he, Freddie? FREDDIE: — And that isn't all. He has taken seven hundred dollars that he had saved and sunk it into one Wrecking Robert's Budget 61 of the wildest speculations on the market — Texoma Oil. Joanna — {hotly) I'll have you understand, Fred- die Foster, that Bob Quentin bought that stock at my suggestion. Freddie — (taken aback) At your suggestion! Larry — {eagerly) Then you are still on our side? Joanna — {scathingly) On your side? Larry — Yes, I see it all now. You told him to buy that stock, knowing it was no good, in order to make his failure doubly sure. Freddie — {admiringly) By Jove, Joanna, that was smart of you. Joanna — {scathingly) My, aren't you bright? And didn't the city of New York lose a couple of Sher- lock Holmes when you decided to peddle bonds? I've known Bob Quentin was short ever since the Charity Bazaar. (Siveetly.) You rem.ember the Charity Bazaar do you not? Larry — {hastily) Yes, yes, I remember — er — is Betty in? Joanna — {siveetly) Do you know, you didn't seem to be having a good time at all that night. Both of you looked rather — er — ^apoplectic, as though you had been eating green apples or something. Didn't Aunt Marie's dinner agree with you that evening? Freddie — {nervously) I'm afraid Betty isn't in. Don't you think we had better be going, Larry? Joanna — Oh, don't be in a hurry. It's so refresh- ing to talk to you boys. It's as good as a walk into the country in spring, when everything's so fresh and green. (Freddie and, Larry make hurried move.) Oh, must you be going? Betty sent me in to entertain you. Can't you stay? Larry — (iviping qjerspiration) Oh, no. I left some- thing out in the car that I need. I'll be back later. Per- haps Freddie will stay. Freddie — (hastily) Oh, no. I can't stay, either. Wrecking Robert's Budget I — I left something in my car, too. I'lU be back later. (Starts for door L. C.) Joanna — I'm sorry, (suddenly.) Oh, by the way. (Freddie and Larry stop inquiringly.) Our younger set is thinking of giving a Charity Bazaar some time this month. Won't you boys — (Freddie and Larry make frantic exit, L. C. Joanna laughs merrily.) (Enter Martha, R. C.) Martha — Joanna, Miss Compton would like to speak to you for a few moments. Joanna — (dramatically) I came, I saw, I con- quered. I have met the enemy and they are mine. Martha^ — (amused) What enemy? Joanna — Oh, Freddie and Larry. They were con- gratulating themselves over Bob's failure when I came in. I casually mentioned Charity Bazaar and they re- treated in disorder. (Joanna laughs. Exit R. C.) (Enter Oscar, L. C.) Oscar — (looking around and then coming doion C.) So, our high-toned friend, Mr. Quentin, didn't win the hundred thousand dollars, eh? Martha — (coldly) Mr. Quentin does not know whether he has won or not. The time has not yet ex- pired. Oscar — Oh, no. There's a couple days left yet. But I reckon he's done for. (Snceringly.) I noticed as how you seemed to bs considerable interested in havin' him win. Martha^ — Mr. Quentin and Miss Compton have done me many favors. I wanted to see him win for that rea- son. Oscar — (sarcastically) Gratitude, eh? Of course, it wasn't 'cause you're in love with him. Martha — (Turns upon him quickly, with flashing eyes. In voice low and tense with feeling.) Mr. Heit- man, since you have been working for Miss Compton, I Wrecking Robert's Budget 63 have borne many insults from you because you have it in your power to make it unpleasant for my mother. I have borne your taunts and insults until patience has ceased to be a virtue. Today you have gone too far. You have insulted a man so infinitely your superior that you are not fit to tie his shoe lace. If I should tell him what you have said to me today he would throw you out of this place like an animal. Oscar — (grimly) Then I reckon you'd better not tell him. I got a letter from Pa yesterday, saying he thought it was about time to collect that note. If you wouldn't act so uppish and snubbish I might git him to let it go for awhile yet anyhow. Martha — I have told you that any familiarity be- tween us is impossible. As soon as Mother has recovered sufficiently to dispense with the doctor, I shall pay off the note in installments. (Bell rings off stage L. C.) Oscar — (sneeringly) We'll see how you talk next month at this time. I didn't tell you all Pa wrote, but I reckon you'll find out. (Exit L. C.) Martha — {Sits, with tired sigh.) Oh, that thousand dollar note! It has hung over me like Damocle's sword, ever since I started to work! {Enter Robert L. C.) Robert — {coming down) Well, Miss Alden, our six months expire in a few days now. I'm afraid we're licked. Martha — {sadly) Then buying that Texoma did no good ? Robert — I haven't phoned for the figures today, but no doubt it's still going down. {Sits.) Martha — Isn't it hard to lose after trying for six long months? Robert — {tcryly) That Charity Bazaar is what hroke my budget. If I had only stayed away from there that night ! 64 Wrecldng Robert's Budget Martha — Just how much did you spend? Robert — {ruefully) One hundred and seventy-five dollars. I was never so popular in all my life. Every girl in the place who was selling anything knew me, and I had to buy from all of them. I had to send a truck down the next morning to get all of the stuff I had bought. Martha — And Joanna helped matters along, too. Robert — Yes. There were a number of girls there that I didn't know. Joanna made it her particular bus- iness to see to it that I had an introduction to them and that I bought from all of thein. I bought ever}i;hing. {Sighs.) I bough four spair of ladies' silk hose from somebody. (Grins reminiscently.) But I wasn't the only one who was hard hit. I thought Larry and Freddie would go off into a fit any moment. Kent finally came to their rescue. Martha — What was the cause of the sudden change in Joanna? A month ago she was doing everything in her power to make you lose, and now she is helping you win. Robert — I whispered a wonderful secret into her ear. A secret that I can't tell you. Martha — Will I know — ever? Robert — (doumcast) I don't know. If we had won, I intended telling you. But now that we've lost — -well, it would do no good. Martha — (Rises.) I'm afraid Oscar didn't tell Miss Compton that you are here. I'll let her know. Robert — (Rises.) It's Joanna I want this time. Do ycu think we'll be able to find her? Martha — (starting unth Robert to door R. C.) I think we'll find her in the library. (Exeunt Robert and Martha R. C. Enter Kent and Betty R.) Betty — (looking around surprised) Kent, didn't Oscar say Bob was here? Wrecking Robert's Budget 65 Kent — Yes, I suppose he's around somewhere. He'll find you if he is. (Betty and Kent sit on couch.) Betty — (rather tired) Kent, I have some bad news to tell you. Kent — (Turns to her quickly and seizes her hand. Voice loib' and husky ivith emotion.) Betty, you — you aren't engaged? Betty — No, Kent, it's not that. Kent^ — (leans head back on couch; closes eyes ivith overpoicering sense of relief.) Betty, you gave me an awful scare. Betty — (softly) Kent, do you care — that much? Kj;nt — (recovering urith an effort) Don't mind me, Betty, tell me your news. Betty — I told you some time ago that Father had sold a number of notes and securities that he held for forty thousand dollars. KenT: — rYes, I remember. Betty — (tired) Father used this money in a last desperate effort to recoup his lost fortune, and — lost all of it. Kent — (staggered) Betty, you don't mean it! Betty — (sadly) So, Kent, your splendid sacrifice went for naught. (Pause.) Kent — (very low) My sacrifice? Betty — (softly) Yes, your sacrifice. I've known for a month that it was you who bought those notes of Dad's, and paid more than double what they were worth. Kent — (avoiding her eyes) How — did you find out? Betty — I knew there was only one man in the world who would do a thing like that for us. Kent — (suddenly) Betty, you and I had a talk about Bob Quentin some time a-go. You remember, I asked you whether you would marry him if he had one hundred thousand dollars? 66 Wrecking Robert's Budget Betty — Yes. Kent — If Bob Quentin came to you today with one hundred thousand dollars, v/ould — would you marry him? Betty — {quietly) Why do you ask? Kent — {huskily) Because — because — well, listen. Six months ago an uncle of Bob's agreed to make a con- veyance of one hundred thousand dollars to him, condi- tional upon his saving a thousand dollars in six months. Betty, the six months will expire in a few days. Bob is short several hundred dollars. If it is made possible for him to win, will you m.arry him? Betty — {quietly) Do you want me to marry him? Kent — {in voice husky with emotion) I want to see you happy. Betty — Kent, do you remember Longfellow's "Courtship of Miles Standish," how Standish fell in love with Priscilla and sent John Alden to propose to her for him? Do you remember what Priscilla told John? {Looks down.) Kent — {staggered) Why, it was — {Dramatic pause.) Betty — {Rises, turns partly away from him.) "Why don't you speak for yourself, John?" Kent— {Rises quickly, trembling with emotion.) Betty! Betty — {Still partly turned aivay from him. Very low.) Kent, you made me do it. Kent — {huskily) Betty, is this charity? Betty — Yes, on your part. You have everything, and I — nothing. Kent — But you — you don't love me. Betty — Kent, I've been in love with you for years, and didn't know it. Five months ago I discovered the fact. I didn't say anything, because — Kent — {low) Because what? Wrecking Robert's Budget 67 Betty — (drops head) Because — I was afraid you might have changed. Kent — (taking her into his arnns and looking pas- sionately down into her eyes) Betty — can the leopard change his spots? (Freddie and Larry enter L. C. When they see Bet- ty in Kent's arms they stop thunderstruck.) Freddie — (shocked) Betty! (Kent and Betty turn, startled.) Larry — (Comes down. Furiously.) Kent Varna- day, what does this mean? Kent — {ha/ppily) It means that congratulations are in order. Freddie — (unbelievingly) Betty, you aren't going to marry Kent? Betty — (smiling up at Kent) I'm afraid I am. (Freddie and Larry throw themselves upon couch. Sit with heads between their hands, pictures of utter de^ jection.) Larry — (pathetically) Betty, I thought you were going to marry us. Betty — (consolingly) But I couldn't marry both of you. That's why I took Kent. Freddie — (pathetically) But who am. / going to marry now? Kent — (smiling at Betty) Well, now, there's Jo- anna — Freddie — {looking quickly around in fright) Ye gods ! Joanna ! And have her talking Charity Bazaar to me the rest of my life! KENT: — (Aside.) Keep this a secret, will you, boys? {Enter Martha, Joanna, and Robert, R. C.) Joanna — What's the matter, Larry; another one of your grandmothers die? Larry — (dismally) I think I'm going to die. 68 Wrecking Robert's Budget ROBERT^ — Well, for goodness sake, don't die around here. {Betty sits in arm chair left. Kent is on her left, and Roh&rt and Martha oyi her right. Joanna sits de- murely between Freddie and Larry on coiich, who edge as far atvay from her as 'possible. Joanna talks sweetly to them in an undertone.) Betty — {to Robert) Bob, Kent told me about the fortune you are trying to win. I'm sorry you are losing. Robert — {ruefully) Thanks, Betty. If Providence intended me for a failure, I'm living up to wildest expec- tations. Kent — So you really ai^e losing, Bob? Robert — Yes. I made a last desperate effort a week ago, when I bought some Texoma stock. Of course it's been going down ever since. Wait — I'll call up right now and let you know how I stand. {Goes up stage, picks up receiver and calls.) John 2437. Joanna — (Rises with hopeless sigh.) Well, I don't know what happened to you boys ; but I hope, that what- ever it was, it won't happen again. Robert — (at phone) Hello. This is Bob Quentin talking. "•• ''•' What's that? You've been trying to reach me all afternoon? Now what is the trouble? * ■" {Look of amazement overspreads his face. Sho^its into phone.) SAY THAT AGAIN ! •=• ■■• (Drops re- ceiver with a crash ;tvr7is dazedly and grasps table for support.) Martha — (Rushes up stage, frightened) Mr. Quen- tin, is — is something wrong? (All except Freddie and Larry rush upstage and bring Robert doion betiveen them.) Kent — (excitedly) What is it, Bob? Robert — (coming out of daze) It's — it's that Tex- oma stock. Joanna — {in trcruendcus excitement) Yes, yes — what about it? Wrecking Robert's Budget 69 Betty — {excitedly) What's wrong with it? Robert — They sold my stock a half hour ago, at — five and a quarter! Martha — {staggered) Five and a quarter! Kent — Bob, are you dreaming? Robert — (passing hand ovei- forehead) I — I think I am. Joanna — (figuring rapidly) Two hundred shares at five and a quarter. Why — • (Shouts.) why, that makes one thousand- and fifty dollars! Robert — (dazed) Joanna, are — are you sure that makes one thousand and fifty? Joanna — (excitedly) Yes. Here, figure it for your- self. Robert — I'll take your word for it. I can't figure — now. Kent — (Jieartihj) Bob, old boy, you've won. Ac- cept my congratulations. (Grabs Bob's hand.) Betty — (eyithusiastically) And, mine, too. I'm so glad. Martha — (modestly) And mine. Joanna — Oh, Bob, I'm so glad. (Throios arms im- pulsively around Bob and kisses him.) Larry — (thrmving up both hands) I'm glad / did- n't win that hundred thousand. Robert — (unable to believe it) And I really won one hundred thousand dollars? Betty-^So it seems, Bob. Robert — Gee! What will I buy first — the State of New York or the Atlantic Ocean? Joanna — The first thing you will buy will be the- ater tickets to the 'best show in the city, to celebrate. Robert — You bet I will, Joanna. And w^e'U go to Delm.onico's after that. And the. next night we'll go to another show, and the next night — Kent — (laughing) Wait a minute. Bob. I know 70 Wrecking Robert's Budget a better way than that to get rid of your money. We'll all go to a Charity Bazaar. (All except Freddie and Larry laugh.) Joanna — (Turns.) Does that meet with your ap- proval, Freddie and Larry? Robert — (with fervent sigh of relief) Just think; I won't have to look at Mirandy's art gallery any more; I won't have to eat doughnuts for breakfast, lunch and dinner any more; I won't have to shine my shoes any more. The millenium has come. Betty — (chidingly) Martha, you knew about this all the time and didn't tell me. Martha — It was to be a surprise for you. Larry — (sarcastically) And, now it's going to be a surprise on Bobbie. Robert — It was Miss Alden who made it possible for me to win. George ! You people can't begin to real- ize the number of embarrassing situations I've been in since this thing began, but Miss Alden always managed to pull me through somehow. (Ruefully.) Why, I've gone to five dollar theaters, ten dollar operas, and fifty dollar suppers with twenty-five cents in my pocket. Joanna — (smiling at Freddie and Larry) And, do you remember the Charity Bazaar, when you and Fred- die and Larry — (Exeunt Freddie and Larry, frantically, R. C. Joanna laughs merrily.) (Telephone rings. Martha ansivers it in undertone.) Martha — (Turtis.) It's for you, Mr. Varnaday. Kent — (excuses himself and goes upstage to phoyie) Thank you. Miss Alden. (Talks in undertone in phone.) Robert — When are my six months up. Miss Alden? Martha — In four days. You really will not have won until the time has expired. Kent — (coming down) I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave for Philadelphia at once. Betty — (disappointed) Oh, Kent. Wrecking Robert's Budget 71 Kent — I'll not be gone over a day or two. (Aside, to Betty.) Will you drive down to the station with me, Betty? Betty — (quickly) Yes. (Betty rises and she and Kent move toioard door L. C.) Kent — Good-bye, everybody. I'll be back in a day or two. Hold off that celebration, Bob, until I return, will you? Robert — You bet I will, Kent. And it's going to be soTne celebration. (Exeunt Kent and Betty, L. C.) Joanna — Well, Bob, how does it feel to have one hundred thousand dollars? Robert — I don't know, Joanna, I'm still numb from the shock. Joanna — Remember what you promised me some time ago, if you won that money. (Starts for door R. C.) I'll go in and see if Freddie's and Larry's feelings are hurt. I'll be right back. (Exit R. C.) (Telephone rings. Martha ansivers it.) Martha — (Into phone) Hello. (Pause.) This is Miss Alden speaking. (Pause. Martha's face assumes frightened expression. In trembling voice.) Oh, Mr. Osting, they can't mean it. When — when do they intend to foreclose? (Pause.) Tomorrow. And they want five hundred dollars? No — I — I — don't think I can, but I will hurry home at once. (Replaces receiver and stands beside phone with head boioed in utter iveariness.) Robert— ^( Comes quickly to her sidej^ Sympathet- ically.) Martha, there is something wrong. Can I do something for you? Martha — (in loiv voice) No. It's some trouble we are having at home. You can do nothing. Would you mind asking Miss Compton to come here for a moment ? Robert — (Takes her hand. Softly.) You are sure there is nothing I can do? 72 Wrecking Robert's Budget Martha — Nothing, Robert — I'm sorry. I'll send Betty and Joanna in. (Exit quickly R. C.) (Martha comes down stage and sinks ivearily on the couch. Enter Joanna, quickly, R. C.) Joanna — {coming quickly doivn and sitting beside Martha. Takes her hand.) Martha, what has happened? Martha — I hiust 'go horns at once, Joanna. Oscar Heitman's father has a thousand dollar note against our' home, and tomorrow afternoon, unless five hundred dol- lars are paid, they intend to foreclose and eject mother, Joanna — (horrified) Martha, you don't mean it! Martha — So I must hurry home at once. Do you think Miss Compton will care? Joanna — (sympathetically) Of course not. Betty took Kent down to the station, but I will tell her as soon as she comes back. Martha — Then I will go at once. Joanna — But Martha, what are you going to do? Can you raise the money to stop them? Martha — (sloivly) I don't know. Joanna — Let me ask Father. He may be able to do something. Martha— No, Joanna, your father is penniless, too, now. I would have asked him before, but not now. Joanna — But you can't let them put her out. When are they going to do it? ]; if|||| Martha— Some time tomorrow afternoon. That will give me tomorrow morning in which to try to raise it. {Goes sloivly to door R.) I'll — I'll get my things ready to go, (Exit R.) (Enter Robert quickly R. C.) Robert — {quickly) Joanna, won't you tell me what the ti'ouble is? Joanna — (sadly) I'm afraid that Martha wouldn't want you to know. Wrecking Robert's Budget 73 Robert — Please tell me, Joanna. I may be able to do some'thing. Joanna — Martha's mother is to be ejected from her home tomorrow, because she is unable to pay five hun- dred dollars on a mortgage. Robert — (shocked) Ejected! Why, Martha told me her mother is ill. Joanna — ^She is. She's under a doctor's care now. ROBERT^ — Good heavens! And yet, they are going to eject her? Joanna — Yes. Robert — (quickly) Has Martha any way of raising the money? Joanna — I think not. She is going to try tomor- row, but I can tell from the way she looked that she has- n't any hope. Robert — Then, Joanna, ive have to do something. Joanna — I suggested that father might be able to help her, but she wouldn't think of it. Robert — (Thinks fast. Suddenly.) Kent — Kent Varnaday. Joanna — (shakes head sadly) You know she could- n't accept help from a man. And besides he just left for Philadelphia. Robert— But somebody must help her. (Walks back and forth quickly, thinking fa^t. Stops suddenly. Seizes Joanna by the arm.) Joanna, by George! I for- got all about it. I've got a thousand dollars. Joanna — (quickly) But Robert, you can't think of using that. You will lose all of the hundred thousand if you do. Robert — (eagerly) I don't care if I do. Martha needs five hundred dollars more right now than I will ever need those thousands. Joanna — (aived at the magnitude of the sacrifice) But Bob — a hundred thousand dollars ! 74 Wrecking Robert's Budget Robert — But don't you see — Martha needs it? Martha, needs it now. She helped me, and now I'm not going to desert her. Joanna — (shakes head) She wouldn't accept it from you. Robert — (disappointed) By George, I never thought of that. Joanna — Anyway, Bob, it's too big a sacrifice. Robert — (suddenly) I've got it. We'll make her think you're lending it to her. Joanna — But Martha knows I haven't a cent. Robert — Tell her anything. Tell her you stole it — anything. Only make her believe it's your money. (Pleadingly.) You'll do it, won't you, Joanna? Joanna — But you haven't the money with you. Robert — (quickly) No, we can't give it to her to- day, but tomorrow morning Fill get the proceeds of the sale of that stock as early as possible, and then I'll bring it out to you. Joanna— But Martha will be gone then. Robert — I want you to catch the first train in the morning and take it out to her. Joanna — (thinking quickly; then, suddenly) Bob, I'll do it. Robert — (taking both her hands in his) Good old scout, Joanna. You know how I feel about this thing, don't you? I just can't think of anybody else doing this for Martha but myself. Joanna — (awed) And Bob, it's such a wonderful such a tremendously wonderful thing to do. Robert — But Joanna, nothing — nothing is too won- derful for a girl like Martha. CURTAIN Wrecking Robert's Budget 75 SCENE TWO Scene: Living room in Mrs. Alden's cottage in the country. A tastefully, but not elaborately furnished room. Doors Right, Left and Center. Fireplace withl fire burning R. Rocker in front of fireplace. Settee L. A smMl library table C, with sewing basket, books, table lamp, etc. Window with simple drapenes R. and L. of door C. C^iairs upstage. Other simple furniture should be used as necessary. Bricabrac on mantle. This scene should convey the impression of the home of a refined family in straightened circumstances. Time: One month later. The night before Thanks- giving. (Discovered: Mrs. Alden, a delicate, refined lady of fifty sitting in rocker before fire. Martha is kneeling beside her rocker with her head bowed and resting upori the arm of the rocker. Mrs. Alden is sympathetically stroking her hair.) Mrs. a. — (softly) You agreed to help him win Betty Compton? Martha — (very low) Yes. Mrs. a. — When you cared for him yourself? (Mar- tha's head droops lower.) That was like my little Mar- tha. Martha — (raising a tear-stained face to her moth- er) Oh, but Mother, the joy of helping him! Three or four times a week he came to me for advice and help, when it seemed the world was leagued against him to make him spend money. How many sleepless nights did- n't I spend planning and praying for the success of his plans. (Drops head wearily.) Mrs. a. — (Stroking head tenderly) And all that he might marry Miss Compton? Martha — Mother, I didn't think of the future. I lived in the glory of the present. And, oh, Mother, it was wonderful! Mrs. A. — (softly) And — it's all over now? 76 Wrecking Robert's Budget Martha — All over. The six months ended a few days after I came home — and we won. Mrs. a. — And now he will marry Miss Compton? Martha — Yes, but I didn't stay to hear. I was al- most glad of the excuse to get away, for I couldn't have endured remaining under the same roof that harbored their happiness. Mrs. a. — (tenderly) And Miss Compton — does she love him, too? Martha — Yes. She couldn't help it. It seems that everybody must love him. (Silence for a 7noment.) You'll not mind, Mother, if I try to find v/ork in a week or two, will you? 1 can't bear this inactivity much longer. Per- haps, in time, I may become immersed in work and — forget. (Auto horn is heard off stage C, then laughter and gay reqmrtee as though a crowd has stopped in front of the house. Martha and her mother look at each other in- quiringly.) Martha — (rising quickly) Mother, that's Joanna Compton's voice. Mrs. A. — (rising) Martha, they're coming to see you. Martha — (hurrying to ivindoiv C, and peering out) Yes, it is. Betty Compton, Joanna and several others. Mrs. a. — (Hurries rather feebly to door L.) Mar- tha, you go out and meet them. They have come such a long way they must be nearly frozen. I'll prepare some- thing warm for them to drink. (Martha continues peering out of ^vindoiv. Then, as she realizes Robert is not in the crowd, she drops cur- tain sadly.) Martha — (Boivs head sadly.) He, — he didn't come. (Exit slotvly C.) (Sound of noisy greeting off stage C. Enter Joanna, Betty, Martha, Kent, Freddie and Larry, all in jolly Wrecking Robert's Budget 77 mood. All are bundled up as though having come a long way.) Betty— Oh, Martha, we had such a pleasant ride out. I wish you could' have been with us. J OA-NN A— (enthusiastically) It was wonderful! I was sitting between Freddie and Larry and we talked about the Charity Bazaar all the way out. Instead of a hundred miles it seemed like about ten miles to me. Freddie — (scowling) It seemed like a thousand miles to me. Martha— It was good of you to come. Please take off your wraps and make yourself comfortable. Kent— We can't stay, Martha. Aunt Caroline lives a short distance from here, and she invited us to spend Thanksgiving with her. Betty And you, Martha, are included in that invi- tation. We stopped to pick you up and carry you off with us. (Martha starts to object.) Now, no refusals will be accepted. Joanna— (putting arm around Martha pleadingly) Do come, Martha. You don't know how badly I want to talk to you. (With air of injured childhood.) Since you left, nobody talks to me any more. Betty and Kent are always busy; Robert doesn't come very often, and — Larry— (asifZe) So she always talks Charity Bazaar with us. Martha— I'm sorry, but Mother isn't well. I can't go and leave her. Joanna— Where is your mother, Martha? I want so much to meet her again. M.AKTJIA— (indicating left) She's in the kitchen preparing something warm for you to drink. Joanna— (Throivs off hat and hastily divests her- self of her coat.) You people can go where you want to. I'm going to stay here. (Exit eagerly L.) Betty Tell your mother not to go to that trouble, 78 Wrecking Robert's Budget Martha. We intended to stop a few moments only. Martha — (hesitating) Couldn't you stay here this evening? I know mother would love to have you. Betty — (to Kent) Do you think your aunt would mind, Kent? Kent — Not in the least, if it will be no trouble for Martha. What do you say Freddie? Freddie — Is Joanna going to stay? Betty — (smiling) That seems to be her intention. Freddie — Then I'm in favor of going. Martha — Please stay. We would enjoy having you so much. Betty — (to Kent) Couldn't we run over first, Kent, and arrange with your aunt to be there later in the even- ing? Kent — Yes, we could do that. All of us will go. It shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes. Martha — But can't you drink something first? Mother will have it ready in a few minutes. Betty — No, Martha, we'll hurry back. Where's Jo- anna? (Calls L.) Oh, Joanna, Joanna. Joanna — (off stage L.) What do you want? Betty — (Calls.) We're ready to go. (Joanna enters L. She has her sleeves rolled up and is ivearing a large kitchen apron. She is eating a doughs nut.) Kent — (laughing) Is this your cook, Martha? Joanna — (independently) You people can do just what you like. Grandma Alden needs me to help make the coffee. I'm going to stay here. (Exit L.) Freddie — Martha, you come along, too. It's awfully lonesome riding in that back seat with Larry. Larry — Yes, Martha, you ride with us. Martha — I'm sorry, but I'll have to help mother. I'll get Joanna to go with you. Wrecking Robert's Budget 79 {Freddie and Larry start frantically for door C.) Freddie — Oh, no, don't do that. Larry — We'd rather be lonesome than have Joanna talk Bazaar to us all the way. Betty — {to Kent) Kent, you start the machine. {Aside to Kent.) I want to tell Martha something about {whispers) — our engagement. Kent — {Smiles down at her.) All right, Betty. We'll be back in a short time, Martha. {Exeunt Kent, Freddie and Larry, C.) Betty — {Goes over to Martha. Puts her arm around her.) Martha, I wanted to tell you first. Martha — {steeling herself) That was good of you. Betty — Can't you guess what it is? Martha^ — -{very low) It's about — about your {She stops, unable to go further.) Betty — Yes, our engagement. It happened the day you left. Martha, I've been so happy. Martha — You deserve happiness. Any man might be proud to have a wonderful girl like you. And you have found a mate of whom you can be proud. Betty — Thank you, Martha. I just had to tell some- one, and I wanted to tell you first. {Auto honks off stage.) But Kent is impatient. I'll tell you more about it when we get back, Martha. {Exit C.) (Martha stands where Betty left her. Utter hope- lessness and weaHness is depicted in her expression and attitude, as she now realizes the full extent of her loss. Then, slowly she walks over to fireplace, sinks to hen] knees beside rocker and rests head toearily upon arm of rocker.) Martha — {ivearily) Engaged! So it really is all over. {Enter Mrs. Alden L.) Mrs. a. — How long will it be before they return, Martha? {Sees Martha's posture, then quickly to her 80 Wreckhig Robert's Budget side.) Why, Martha, what is the matter? Martha — {raises head ivearily) Mother, it's all over. Miss Compton just told me of her engagement. Mrs. a.— (softly) To Mr. Quentin? Martha — Yes, to Robert Quentin. {Knock is heard at door C. Martha and her mother look at each other inquiringly.) Mrs. a. — Come in. {Enter Oscar. Without invitation he proceeds to divest himself of his overcoat and throws it over a chair. Martha rises, stands beside her mother and waits for him to state the object of his visit.) Oscar — {lualking over to fireplace and holding his hands to the ivarmth.) Gitting colder out. Mrs. a. — To what are we indebted for the honor of this visit? Oscar — {taking a chair) I come to speak about the money what you owe us. Mrs. a. — {quietly) But, Mr. Heitman, didn't we agree that since we had paid half of the note you would not press us for the balance at the present time? Oscar — {insolently) Have you got a contract what says that? Martha — It was a verbal agreement. Oscar — Well, I changed my mind about that, Mrs. a.— But, Mr. Heitman, those were the" condi- tions under which we paid you the five hundred dollars — that you M'ouid carry the other five hundred dollars until we were better able to pay it. Does your word mean nothing? Oscar — I didn't sign nothing like that, did I? Martha — And you expect us to pay now? Oscar — I need the money. Martha — But don't you see. It's impossible for us to pay novv. Mother has been ill and it has taken all we saved to pay the doctor. Wrecking Robert's Budget 81 Oscar — Why don't you borrow it from some of your high-tonsd friends? ( Sneeringly.) Your gentlemen friends ? Mawtu A— (coldly) I couldn't accept help from them. Oscar — (maliciously) Then why did you accept help from them before? Martha — I didn't. It was Miss Compton who helped me. Oscar — (bluntly) Miss Compton didn't lend you that money. Martha — (quickly) What do you mean? Oscar— Somebody else gave her the money to give to you. Martha — (Suddenly grasping the truth, moves swiftly over to Oscar and looks up at him ivith horror- stricken eyes.) Mr. Heitman — the man who gave her the money — tell me — it wasn't — it wasn't — Oscar^ — (triumphantly) Oh, yes it was. Your high- toned friend — Mr. Robert Quentin. (Martha sta^ids stanng at Oscar ivith stricken eyes. Then imptdsively she hurries to L. and calls in voice trembling ivith emotion.) Martha — Joanna ! Joanna ! ! Joanna — (Hurries in left. Anxiously.) What is the matter, Martha? Martha — (in trembling voice) Joanna, where did you get that five hundred dollars you loaned us a month ago? JoannA: — : (embarrassed) Why, I — I had it. Martha — Joanna, did Robert Quejitin give you that money? (Joanna stands speechless.) Did he Joanna? J OAN'iSi A— (looking down) Oh, Martha, he didn't want you to know. (Martha bows her head in humiliation and shame as she sloivly turns away. Joanna impulsively rtins over 82 Wrecking Robert's Budget to her and, places her arms around her.) Joanna — (pleading tearfully) Martha, you're not angry? Robert wanted to do it so badly. He was nearly wild when he heard your mother was to be ejected. You- 're not angry, Martha? Martha — (very low) And he lost the hundred thou- sand dollars — on account of that? Joanna— Yes, but he didn't care ,Martha. Why, as soon as he heard about your trouble he wanted to lose it. Martha — (in voice tired and trembling) Mother, you — you'll not mind if I go to my room? Mrs. a. — (tenderly) No, honey, you go in and rest. Mother will come to you in a few minutes. Joanna — (heartbrokenly) Martha, you are angry. I'm sorry I did it now. Martha — (softly) It was all right, Joanna. You — you help mother for awhile. I'll be down — in a short time. (Exit R.) (Joanna looks after Martha for several moynents. Exit slowly L.) Oscar — (aivkwardly) Mrs. Alden, I don't want to put you and Martha out of your home. Maybe we could fix things up some other way. Mrs. a. — What other way would you suggest? Oscar — I always liked Martha better than the other girls around here. Now, I could git Pa to cancel your note if you could git Martha to marry me. Mrs. a. — (coldly) Mr. Heitman, what you suggest is impossible. If you will excuse me, I must go in to Martha. (Mrs. A. starts for door R. Oscar steps be- fore her, barring her exit.) Oscar — (furiously) So! I ain't good enough for you any more. (Knock is heard on door C, but neither one hears it.) Since your high-toned daughter's been working in the city, ordinary folks ain't good enough for her. Wrecking Robert's Bvdget 83 (Enter Robert Quentin C, in overcoat. He stands in doorway quietly ivatching the scene before him. Neith- er Mrs. A. nor Oscar notices his entrance.) Mrs. a. — Mr. Heitman, since you cannot conduct yourself in a manner becoming a gentleman, will you do me the favor of leaving ? Until Friday, this is my home. Oscar — Yes, until Friday. Then I will come and move you and your daughter and your cheap furniture out in the street. When they put you in the poor house maybe you won't think you're such a fine lady. (Robert comes down C.) Robert — I believe I heard the lady request you to leave. (Both Mrs .A. and Oscar start and turn in sur- prise.) Would you prefer to use your own powers of locomotion, or shall I assist you? Oscar— {indolently) So it's you? Come to meddle in my affairs again, I suppose. Robert— (io Mrs. A.) Has this fellow any right to be here? Mrs. a. — He came to collect some money which will be due him Friday. Robert — (turning to Oscar ynenacingly) Then, what are you doing around here, today? Oscar — I came to make a proposition to her. Robert — Well, have you made it? Oscar — Yes, but she won't accept it. Robert— Since you've made your proposition, you have settled your business. Now, get out. Oscar — :But — Robert — (Steps in front of him menacingly.) You heard what I said. Get out! (Oscar stoically picks up his coat and hat and starts for door C.) Oscar — (turning) You can act high and mighty now. But wait until Friday — then it will be my turn. 84 Wrecking Robert's Budget Robert — You mean if you're living by Friday; for tomorrow I'm coming over to your place to give you a threshing that will make the licking we gave Germany seem like a game of marbles. (Slams door on Oscar.) ■ Good-night, Oscar, what's your hurry? Mrs. a. — (as Robert comes doivn) Permit me to thank you, sir. May I inquire your name? Robert — I am Robert Quentin — Mrs. a. — {eagerly) Not the Robert Quentin, whom my Martha knows? Robert — The same. And you are Martha's mother, of whom she spoke so often? Mrs. a. — {breathlessly) Yes. But Mr. Quentin, why did you not come with Mr. Varnaday and Miss Compton? Robert — I expected to do so, but was, out of town and did not return until after they had left. So I came by rail. Mrs. a. — (rather flustered) Take off your wraps, Mr. Quentin. (Robert removes overcoat, etc.) Miss Compton told us about the engagement. Robert— What engagament ? Mrs. a. — Your engagement to Miss Compton. You are to be congratulated. Robert — (looks at her in perplexity) My engage- ment to Betty Compton! Why, I'm not engaged to Miss Compton. Mrs. a. — {asto7iished) But— I — why — why. Miss Compton told Martha. RoBF.RT— ( quietly) Yes, Mrs. Alden, what did Miss Compton tell her? Mrs. a. — That you and she are to be married soon. Robert — (coming over to Mrs. A. and taking her by shoulders and looking down into her eyes) Mrs. Alden, does Martha believe that? Mrs. a. — Yes. Wrecking Robert's Budget 85 Robert — {staring at her in horror) And she be- lieves that as soon as I won that money I proposed to Betty Compton and was accepted? Mrs. a.— Yes. Robert — {pleadingly) Mrs. Alden, where is Mar- tha? Can't I see her at once? I can't have her thinking that of me. Mrs. a. — Just a moment, Mr. Quentin. Did you give Joanna Compton five hundred dollars to lend to Mar- tha when you heard she was having trouble on a note? Robert — {fiercely) Who told you that? Mrs. a.— Is it true? Robert — Does Martha know? Mrs. a. — She found out — tonight. Robert— (tewse with anger) So it was that darned Dutchman who told her! Oh, just wait until I see him tomorrow. Mrs. a. — (laying hand on Robert's arm) Mr. Quan- tin, did giving Martha that money cause you to lose the fortune you were trying to win? Robert — Yes, but — Mrs. a. — And did losing the fortune have anything to do with the fact that you are not now engaged to mar- ry Miss Compton? Robert — {taking Mrs. A. by the shoulders again, and looking down into her eyes) Mrs. Alden, a year ago I thought I loved Miss Compton enough to marry her. But since then I met Martha, and ever since, my thoughts have' been of no one but Martha. When word came that I could win a fortune by saving a thousand dollars, I accepted the proposition only that I might some day have something suitable to offer her. It was for Martha that I was working to win. Then, when we had practically won the fight, news came of your great need of money for the mortgage, and I knew Martha needed the money more then than she would ever need it. 86 Wrecking Robert's Budget Mrs. a. — (in low voice) And you were doing all that — for my Martha? Robert — (quietly) It was little enough to do for a girl like Martha. Anyway, it was really her money, be- cause without her help I never would have saved it. (Paiise.) You won't mind my seeing Martha, will you, Mrs. Alden? I — I couldn't resist coming tonight. I stayed away a whole month, knowing that I had nothing to offer her, but — but I had to come tonight. (Appeal- ingly.) You — you will let me see hex? Mrs. a. — (softly) Yes, you may see her. I'll call her. Robert — (impulsively) Martha always did say her mother was an angel. And Martha's judgment is un- questionable. Mrs. a. — (Goes to door R. and calls gently.) Mar- tha. Martha — (ojf stage R., softly) Yes, Mother. Mrs. a.— There is someone here to see you. Can you come down? Martha — (off stage) I'll be right down, Mother. Mrs. a. — (gently) If you would prefer to meet Martha alone, I'lll go in and help little Joanna. Robert — (gratefully) If you don't mind, I believe I would prefer to see her — alone. (Exit Mrs. A. L.) (Robert stands down L. in tense, expecta^it attitude, watching door R. His attitude and expression shotdd convey all that this meeting with Martha ivill mean to him. After a tense pause, door R. opens and Martha en- ters.) Robert — (hoarsely) Martha! (Martha stops as if struck. With icide, tinbelieving eyes, she stares at Robert, then sways and unsteadily grasps side of door for support.) Martha — (in tone so low and trembling as to be scarcely audible) Robert — Mr. Quentin! Wrecking Robert's Budget 87 Robert — (springing to her side and taking her hand, and looking down into her wide, questioning eyes, passionately) Martha, you don't mind? I — I just had to come. Martha — -{in very loiv voice) Why — why didn't you come with Miss Compton? Robert — Why do you think I should come with Miss Compton? Didn't you know that she was engaged to Kent Varnaday? Martha — (stares at Robert unbelievingly) Kent — • Kent Varnaday! Robert — (softly) Yes — for a whole month. Martha — To Kent Varnaday? Robert — Yes. Martha — But Miss Compton said — Robert — What did she say, Martha? Martha — (looking dawn) That she was engaged to you. Robert — You misunderstood her, Martha. She told you she was engaged and you decided at once that she was engaged to me. Martha, how could you think that? Martha — (Turns quickly to Robert; in low trem- ulous voice,) Mr. Quentin, did you give Joanna five hun- dred dollars to lend to me a month ago? Robert — (quickly) Martha, let's forget about that. Martha — (Bows head miserably.) Oh, why did you do it? Why did you do it? And because of that you lost a hundred thousand dollars, and — (Stops.) Robert — (softly) And what? Martha — And — Betty Compton. Robert — Martha, all the time you were helping me to save that thousand dollars, did you think my main ob- ject was to eventually marry Betty Compton? Martha — (low) Yes. Robert — And you agreed to help me save, thinking Wrecking Robert's Budget that was my object? {Pause.) Martha, why did you do that? (Martha turns away to hide her face.) Tell me, Martha, why did you do that? Martha — (softly) I wanted to see you happy. Robert — And did it never occur to you that I might have some other object in winning that money? Martha — No. What other object could there have been? Robert — (softly) You never once thought that you might have something to do with it? Martha — {Looks at him in surprise.) I? Robert — (taking her haricls tenderly and looking passicnately doum into her bewildered eyes) Oh, Mar- tha, didn't you know that all my efforts to win that for- tune were for you? Didn't you know I was hoping and praying to win so that I might some day have something worth while to offer you? Martha — (tvith wide, staring eyes, voice barely audible) Me? For me? Robert — Yes, Martha, I've loved you ever since that night I first brought you home in the storm. Ever •since all my energies have been directed to make myself worthy of you. Martha, I haven't a thing in the world to offer you. I know it isn't right to tell you under the circumstances — but — I can't help it. MAWiHA—iawed; unable to comprehend) And you were doing that — for me? Robert — For you. Martha — You were trying to win that money for me? Robert — (softly) Yes. That was the wonderful secret I told Joanna. (Takes both her hands and presses them against his breast. Looks tenderly doivn into her eyes.) Martha, you do care — a little, don't you? (Mar- tha looks down.) Don't you Martha? Martha — (looking down, her voice barely audible) Yes. Wreckvng Robert's Budget 89 (Robert takes her into his arms. Enter Joanna L. She stops short when she sees Robert and Martha, then ritshes over to them, tears them apart and throws herself into Martha's arms.) Joanna — (Joyfully.) Oh, Martha, I'll bet you're not angry now, are you, Martha? Oh, I'm so glad. (Tor- mentingly.) Did you say "yes" the first time, or did you make him ask you several times? Martha — (smiling and bhishing) I'm afraid I'm a terribly brazen creature, Joanna. I said "yes" the first time, Joanna — (approvingly) That's good. No use wast- ing any proposals. They're too scarce as it is. (Turn- ing to Robert accusingly.) Bob Quentin, I knew what you were doing in here all the time. I gave you just seven minutes and a half. It takes Freddie and Larry five minutes and a half to propose to Betty, so I gave you two minutes extra. Robert — (Grins.) Thanks, Joanna, we made good use of the extra two minutes. (Auto horn is heard off stage; then voices.) Martha — There is Miss Compton's party. Robert, will you meet them, while Joanna and I bring Mother in? (Exeunt Martha and Joanna, hunHedly, L. Enter Kent, Larry, Freddie and Betty, C.) Betty — (Sees Robert.) Why, Bob Quentin! Kent — Bob Quentin, how on earth did you get here? Freddie — (sarcastically) I didn't know there were any freight trains passing at this time of night. Robert- — Got in the city an hour late, so had to take the train out. Martha told me to tell you to park your overcoats and hats in here. (All begin to remove over- coats and Jiats and place them on a convenient chair.) (Enter Mrs. A., Martha and Joanna, L.) Joanna — Lunch is served. 90 Wrecking Robert's Budget Martha — Mother, I want to introduce some of my friends whom I met in the city. This is Miss Compton, Mr, Varnaday, Mr. Foster and Mr. Brently. {All ack- nowledge' the introduction.) Mrs. a. — I'm so glad to meet Martha's friends. She has spoken of you so often that I feel I know you already. Betty — (warmly) And Martha has spoken of you so often that ws feel we know you, too. Mrs. a. — Now, I want you to come into the next room where I have prepared something warm for you to drink after your long ride. I know you must be nearly frozen. Joanna — (eagerly) Doughnuts and coffee. Betty, the best doughnuts you ever tasted. I've eaten five of them already. Kent — (quickly) Just a moment, Mrs. Alden. We have a surprise for Robert with us. He's outside. We knew Bob would come out either today or tomorrow, but we didn't know it would work as nicely as this. We had him with us the first time we were here, but we didn't want to produce him until Bob and Martha both were present. Can you guess who it is? Robert — (mystified) Not I. Kent — Then let me present to you your venerable uncle — Josephus J. Quentin. (Opens door dramatically and ushers in Keedon.) Robert — (astonished) My uncle, Josephus J. Quen- tin? Kent^ — (amused) Josephus J. Quentin. Robert — (dazed) But this isn't my uncle — this is — Ku KIux. Keedon — (Comes doivn stage C, peering over his glasses at Robert.) Well, my fine young reprobate of a nephew, how do you feel now? Didn't know I was your uncle did you, heh? Do you think now Ku Klux Klan is such a witty joke? And do you think there's any danger of your getting Keedon turned backwards so that it will Wrecking Robert's Budget &'l spell donkee, heh? Robert — (overcome) You win, uncle. I've quit thinking. Mrs. a. — We were just about to have lunch. Won't you come with us? Keedon — Business first. This young scoundrel looks entirely too happy. I'm going to take a little of that happiness out of him. Mrs. a. — Then we'll expect you as soon as you have finished. (To all.) Come along, young people. Lunch is waiting. Joanna — (to Betty in loud whisper) Betty don't eat more than two doughnuts. We're going to run short (Exeunt Betty, Joanna, Mrs. A., Kent, Larry and Freddie, L.) Martha — (to Keedon) You won't mind if I stay? Because — because it was all my fault. Keedon- — (peering at her over his glasses) Ha, a woman in the case. So it was all your fault. What was your fault? Martha — (softly) Robert — had the thousand dol- lars saved, and I — I made him spend it. Robert — (quickly) Martha! (Turns to Keedon savagely.) See here, uncle, there's no use making a long harangue over this thing. You made a proposition to me six months ago to the effect that if I saved a thousand dollars in six months I would receive a hundred thousand dollars. Well, I haven't saved the money, and that's all there is to it. And what's more, I don't give a hang — Keedon — (interrupting) Just a minute, just a min- ute. Sit down on that settee there. I'm here to do the talking — not you. Robert — But I tell you — • Keedon — Sit down, sit down. (Robert and Martha sit, while Keedon stands at their right. Martha takes Robert's hand, and they for- S2 Wrecking Robert's Budget get all about Keedon and be<)in talking softly to one an- other.) Keedon — Young feller. {Robert pays no attention to him, but continues tnlking softly to Martlui, ivho has eyes and ears for nothing else.) I had an idear when I first brought this matter to your attention, that you would make a failure of it, as you had with everything else. You had a chance to make good and you failed. Do you hear — failed? Robert — (to Martha, softly) You know, Martha, my commissions amount to only about two hundred and fifty a month. Do you think we could live on that? Martha — (happily) Oh, Robert! Two hundred and fifty a month? That seems like a fortune to me. Keedon — (Shakes finger at them) Yes, failed. And what was it caused you to fail? A woman. You let a woman trick you out of a fortune of one hundred thou- sand dollars. Robert — (softly to Martha) And we'll rent a little cottage out here in the country. Shall we, Martha? Martha — (softly) Out here? Oh, Robert, that will be too wonderful. Keedon — Do you realize what it means to lose a hundred thousand dollars? Did you ever stop to consider that the interest alone on a hundred thousand dollars amounts to six thousand dollars a year, or five hui-»dred dollars a month? Did you ever stop to consider the home that that would buy, and the automobile, and all the other things that make life pleasant? Did you ever think of that? Robert — Uncle, there's no use talking any further. Martha has just told me how wonderful it will be to live on two hundred and fifty dollars a month. So now, I wouldn't have your hundred thousand if you gave it to me. Lunch is ready in there, uncle. (Turns to Marthu and they continue their conversation.) Keedon — (bristling) You wouldn't hah? Young Wrecking Robert's Budget 93 ■ feller, I came here this evening with the intention of of- fering you that hundred thousand dollars, whether you had won it or not . I ain't going to have any young whip- per snapper like you refuse anything from me. And now just to show you, you young reprobate, that you can't use any high and mighty airs with your uncle, I'm going to see that you do take that money, and what is more, that you take a hundred and fifty thousand dollars in- stead. Robert — (to Martha, paying no heed to Keedon) Martha, you're not going to make me wait long, are you? Martha — (softly) Next June will be a nice time, don't you think Robert? Keedon — (furiously) I said a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. A hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Robert— (fo Martha) But June seems an awfully long time away, Martha. (Eagerly.) Let's make it. Christmas. Martha — Oh, Robert, I couldn't be ready by then. Keedon — Two hundred thousand dollars! Yofu young villain, I said two hundred thousand dollars. (He shakes Robert.) Do you hear? 'Robert— (turning) I heard you, uncle. Have you got the money with you? Just lay it on the table there, and we'll get it right away. I — I believe they said lunch was ready. (Turns and continues talking to MartJia.) Keedon — (Looks at the two hopelessly, then throws up both hands in disgust.) Have you got it with you! Two hundred thousand dollars! Bah! (Eodt furiously L.) Joanna — (heard faintly, off stage) Robert and Martha — lunch is ready — doughnuts. CURTAIN USE THESE ON ANY SCHOOL PROGRAM TUNEFTJL OPENING AND CLOSING SONGS PRICE 35 CENTS EACH Tou're Welcome If You Keep Right Still. If We Were You and You Were Us. We'll Try to Make You Come Again. It's Yerj Clear Your Welcome Here. Hello, Everybody — Glad to See You Here. With a Tear In One Eye, We Will Tell You Goodbye. It's Time to Tell You All Goodbye. iSb THESE WILL MAKE YOUR WHOLE ENTERTAINMENT EVEN MORE SUCCESSFUL ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FRANKLIN, OHIO also 944 S. Logan, DENVER, COLO. Money-Making Entertainment Novelties for Church, School or Lodge Miss Nibbs' Novelty Shop By Alta Becker. This is a novel and humorous en- tertainnient, introducing 'Liza Ann, Miss Nibbs, two traveling' salesmen, shoppers, mechanical dolls ana mechancal maid of all work. A good little stunt where a short, clean, humorous number is desired. Plays about 30 minutes. Price, 25c. The Brightville Indoor Chautauqua By Bessie Baker and Nellie Hanna. Here is a brand new idea for an evening's entertainment. It is in 5 parts, each part representing a day at Chautauqua. Gives wide scope for introduction of large cast and many specialties. Complete programs suggested as follows: Part 1, Chautauqua Concert Company; Part 2, Living Pictures; Part 3, Musical Entertainers; Part 4, Farmers' Night; Part 5, Coonville Jubilee Singers. Price, 35c. Sorepaw & Fells Indoor Circus By Margaret S. Bridge and Margaret H. Hahn. The Grand Annex and Musee, Fresdis, Curiosities and Monstrosities, never were in it with the marvelous, anaazing, mj'stifying array outlined in its pages. Ar- tistic, ambling, agile, 'andsome acrobats; cajoling, cadaverous, costly, curious, cunning clowns; Hee- Shee, the Monkey Girl of Yucatan; all of these and many others ■will be seen in the Big Peerade before the show starts, ladies and gentlemen. Keep to the right — don't crowd. Price, 25c. As Ye Sew A "talking doll" missionary play by Dorothy Crich- ton. A lot of fun and some wholesome lessons are contained in the conversation of the dolls who dis- cuss the motives of their donors. Splendid for Young People's or Missionary Societies. 10 girls, 1 boy, or all girls. Time, 20 minutes. Price, 15c. Finding the Key A dia'og and drill for 10 or 12 girls and boys. Suit- able for any religious program, but especially for Easter. Time, 20 minutes. Deals with problems of youth, recreations, etc.; also with those of Commun- ity Life and -the present spirit of Unrest. Interspersed with suggested songs. Drill very effective. 25c. Eldridge Entertainment House FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 944 3. Logan St. Clever New Monologs and Recitations Monologs of Merit This we believe a splendid collection for elocution- ists or for schools. Contains many of the darky sketches of Blanche Goodman which do not appear in the "Vinejr Sketches." Some novelty readings by Lydia McGaughey are "The White-wash Angel," "A Pair of Boots," "Robert Joins the A. H. T. A.," "Rob- ert and the Auto," "Seven, Seventeen and Seventy," "In Grandma's Day," and others. Complete volume, 75c. Help-U Dialog and Recitation Book By various authors and a real help to the teacher. Here are some of the dialogs: "A Strike Mother Goose Settled," "Casey's Twins," "A Lesson in Politeness," "Program for Roosevelt's Birthday," "Boy Wanted," "Helping Santa Claus," "Aunt Phoebe's Nerves," and many others. These are for all grades up to gram- mar. An abundance of choice recitations for all the grades. Price 40c. Merry Rhymes of Little Folks* Times By Margaret A. Fassitt. In this collection of choice little gems we present 40 short poems which are real "Kiddie" talk. They can be used as recitations by little people or as child impersonations by adults. By the way, they will make good reading for mothers and fathers at any time. "The Red Head," "Reflec- tions of a Pup," "I Wish I Had a Ginger Cake," "When You Ask About Your Fixin's," "Our Twins," and many others will mr.ke you laugh. Price, 40c. Comforting Her Patient By Mrs. W. M. Carruth. Tells how an "impractical" nurse unloads her own and others' troubles on her helpless patient. A good number. Price ISc. Gossip in Slowville By E. Haskell. Depicts the sayings of the village gos- sip and makes a very effective reading. Price 15c. The Spinsterhood of Mary A humorous number by Rhoda Barclay. Tells of Mary's resolve to live and die an old maid and her sudden change of mind. Price, 15c. Mrs. Swattem Attends the Convention This monolog by Rhoda Barclay is an account of the many complaints of Mrs. Swattem while at the con- • vention. Her sharp tongue wags industriously, if not truthfully. Price, 15c. Eldridge Entertainment House FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 944 S. Logan St. ^ RELEASED FOR AMATEUR PRODUCTION. "The Utile Politician" Br SEYMOUR S. TIBBALS A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS SEVEN MALES AND THREE FEMALES -fT^HIS play was produced professionally ^^ for several seasons under another title, and is now released for amateur production without royalty and without restrictions of any kind. The scenery and costumes are simple. Time, about two hours. A young society girl plays an important part in overthrowing a corrupt political boss and brings about the election of her fiance. The race for the hand of a wealthy widow by rival suitors furnishes the comedy. A pretty story is unfolded, but without actual love-making or any scenes objectionable to the amateur. Recommended for high schools and dra- matic clubs. Ipgr The garden party in the second act affords opportunity for the introduction of any number of characters. PRICE, as CENTS Sent Postpaid on Receipt of Price by tiie ELDRIDGE ENTERTAINMENT HOUSE FrankliA, Ohio LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 015 898 538 A YOU WILL BE GUD TO KNOW OF THESE NEW PLAYS Training Mary By Meury Shaw, Page. A bright 1 -act play with sim- ple stage setting. William, husband of Mary, essays to train Mary, especially along the lines of correcting carelessness. As is always the case, William rrets in deep water, but finally wadss out. 2 males, 4 fe- males, and plays about 45 minutes. Price, 25c. The Hired Man's Courtship By Alice Cripps. A short comedy-drama in 2 acts. Captain Edwards tires of wealth and the city, and procures work on Horton's farm, only to find that the farmer's daughter is an old sweetheart. Because of an intrigue on the part of the captain's cousin, an es- trangement takes place, which ends happily when the captain finds the source of certain stories and re- futes them. Aunt Hepsey, Jim and Ezra (colored), add comedy to the play. Plays about 45 minutes, and is for 3 males and 3 females. Price, 25c. Merely Anne Marie A comedy in 3 acts by Beulah King. 3 males, S fe- males. Time, 2i/o hours. The scenes are laid in a fashionable boarding house, and the characters are all distinct types and worth while. A successful play- wright, desiring to escape notoriety, seeks seclusion at Mrs. Teague's and becomes the hero of Anne Ma- rie, the dining room maid. The dialogue is bright, the situations clever and the story ends happily. 35c. A Bit of Scandal By Fannie Barnett Linsky. Comedy-drama in 2 acts. Francina, who is to play at the recital, composes her own number. On the evening of the recital, Mary Sherman, who precedes her on the program, plays Francina's compositions, which she has stolen. The reasons for the theft all come out later and of course, all ends well. Nine characters. Plays about 1 hour. Price, 35c. Miss Burnett Puts One Over By Ethelyn Sexton. A rollicking 1-act girls' play for 6 characters. Barbara's mother has a friend, Ann Bur- nett, who is to visit the girls at college, with the in- tention of giving a generous sum to the school. The girls, wishing o gain her good will, practice their "manners." Miss Burnett, however, appears in dis- guise and has much fun at their expense. All ends well and the school gets the money. Plays about 45 minutes. Easy setting and costumes. Price, 25c. Eldridge Entertainment House FRANKLIN, OHIO also DENVER, COLO. 944 S. Logan St.