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 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT: 
 

 Copyright, 1915 
 
 By Belle Bushnell 
 
 Washington, D. C. 
 
 APR 13 1915 
 
 PRIVATELY PRINTED 
 
 AT THE WAVERLY PRESS 
 
 BALTIMORE 
 
 ©CI. A 3 9844 9 
 Kp 4 
 
^ 
 
 THIS EDITION IS LIMITED 
 TO 250 COPIES 
 
Contents 
 
 Life, Love, A Raven's Feather .... 9 
 
 L'Immortel 27 
 
 The Hillside Shrine 51 
 
 The Guiding Oak 77 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
,<r*^ 
 
 Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 MAY day. A garden 
 of ever blooming 
 roses. And Life 
 with Springtime in 
 her soul, walked the 
 ways, without com- 
 panion other than Nature. And Life was 
 brave. Life was earnest, and Life kept 
 on, on, triumphing. Then time grew 
 apace; but all the while Life kept going, 
 going, over the glades and up the hills, 
 11 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 culling roses. Today a rare rose of 
 pure white, on the morrow a darksome, 
 crimson one, maybe. 
 
 THEN came the midsummer day, and 
 Life went seeking, seeking, but she 
 knew not for what, until she came upon 
 another in the glade, then Life spoke 
 softly to herself: 
 
 "I see, I see one all unknown to me, 
 or is it only a shadow? no, I see it is too 
 bright for a shadow. All golden he 
 looks, and lo! he comes to me, I will 
 ask his name." 
 
 And the stranger came and stood at 
 the side of Life. And Life said: 
 12 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 "You are very beautiful, all bright 
 gold and white, while I am a dull crim- 
 son and gray. Oh, but look, see how 
 your light causes my crimson to glow, 
 and fades the gray away. Then too, 
 the light has entered my soul. I feel 
 a new force within me, I feel exhilarant. 
 And, Golden One, I feel that all these 
 strange, new, beautiful sensations, come 
 to me, through you. It is well I met 
 you in the glade today, or I may never 
 have known you; and now you must 
 never leave my side. But your name, 
 have you a name other than 'Beautiful,' 
 Golden One?" 
 
 "Yes, a name, and Life I have ever 
 been in your path. But Springtime 
 wrapped you in her youthful meshes, 
 and scattered her little pale blossoms 
 over your eyes. But on this midsummer 
 13 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 day, Spring let the blossoms play with 
 Zephyr, leaving your eyes uncovered. 
 Then, Life, you awakened, and Sum- 
 mer entered and enthralled your soul, 
 and your soul called for that which 
 makes Life perfect. Thus walking in 
 the glade with uncovered eyes, you 
 soon beheld me idling in your path, and 
 beholding me, your soul brought me to 
 your side, and dear Life, my name is 
 Love." 
 
 "Love, ah, the name bespeaks Life, 
 Life in fullness. Is it not true, dear 
 Love?" 
 
 "It is true, dear Life. Life with 
 Love; Love with Life, makes all per- 
 fect. And thus we must walk, hand in 
 hand, through our paths till eternity, or 
 winter will enter your soul." 
 
 For a season Life kept Love closely 
 14 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 at her side: Life becoming purified, Love 
 glorified, as they walked the ways hand 
 in hand, over the glades, and up the 
 hills, together culling roses of sunset 
 tints, and finding never one of a dark- 
 some hue. 
 
 THEN again time grew apace. And on 
 a midautumn day the roses drooped 
 on their stems, sadly letting fall a petal 
 here and there, as Love and Life entered 
 the glade. And Zephyr whispered 
 15 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 through the vines, and the roses heard 
 Zephyr say : 
 
 " We must hasten, cover, and give all 
 warmth we can call forth to our poor 
 roses, or they will be blighted, anon." 
 
 "But why?" asked Myrtle and Wood- 
 bine, "why say you this?" 
 
 And Zephyr made answer: 
 
 "Do you not see Life has dropped 
 Love's hand. She walks alone, and 
 look, Woodbine and Myrtle, and tell 
 me, do you not see that Life is seek- 
 ing? Now watch with care and you 
 will see that the Gray One, whom I 
 came upon this morning in the middle 
 glade, will be somewhere near, and en- 
 tice Life to his side. But woe to us! 
 while we whisper the Gray One has 
 come, come, and Life holds him by the 
 hand. But hark, Life speaks." 
 16 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 And the vines listened, holding their 
 leaves still, still, and they heard Life say: 
 
 "Ah, another stranger has entered 
 my garden. But you look gray, and 
 dull, and wolfish, I could never call you 
 beautiful like the Golden One." 
 
 "No, I am neither beautiful nor do- 
 cile, though I am companion of half 
 the world." Thus replied the Gray 
 One as he grasped Life's hand. 
 
 And Life replied: 
 
 "Companion to half the world? and 
 until this day I have seen you not. 
 Why so, can you tell?" 
 
 "Why so? yes, I can quickly tell. 
 For a short time you have been calling 
 me to your side. I hovered in your 
 footsteps, but could not approach near 
 enough for you to behold me. That 
 was while Love held your hand, and 
 17 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 you walked side by side, with Truth 
 and Harmony your companions, and 
 summertime in your soul. But today 
 I could draw nearer, and I sent, through 
 the air, a Raven's feather, it fell at 
 your feet, you withdrew your hand from 
 Love's clasp, you reached for the feather, 
 you held it before your eyes. Then 
 your eyes sought and beheld me: now I 
 hold your hand with the feather be- 
 tween. And it will lead you to a world 
 beyond your garden. I will not be your 
 only companion. The Raven's feather 
 will bring a multitude to your realm, 
 and among the throng in high estate, 
 you will find Avarice, Lust, and Insin- 
 cerity, with Jealousy in close pursuit." 
 "But, Stranger, even with the multi- 
 tude, I would fain keep Love at my side, 
 I will call him to me. I would not be 
 18 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 Life without Love, and Love would not 
 be Love without Life to walk the glades 
 beside him." 
 
 Then the Gray One pressed closer the 
 feather to Life's palm, and in harsh, 
 snarling tones cried: 
 
 " Yes, call Love to your side, but look, 
 look back, and you will see he has not 
 taken a step since you dropped his 
 hand. Look, look closely, too, and you 
 will see how broken and old he is today, 
 and see, he stands looking down, down 
 on the dark earth, instead of following 
 and reclaiming your hand. Will you 
 now call to him? have you no pride of 
 self, Life?" 
 
 And Life answered: 
 
 "It is as you say, but until this mo- 
 ment I had thought Love beautiful, 
 and called him ' Golden One.' And 
 19 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 now he looks all leaden, dull gray leaden, 
 and I think, I think I am tired culling 
 roses, and Stranger, I will go with you. 
 You can be my companion, and lead me 
 to your world. But your name, you 
 too must have a name, tell it that you 
 may no longer be a stranger to Life." 
 
 "Yes, my name, you shall carry it 
 on your lips, for the time is here, and it 
 has been dormant in your heart for near 
 a season, awaiting the Raven's feather. 
 But now you will foster it with Dis- 
 cord's hand in thine. Yes, Life, Dis- 
 cord, the offspring of Desire and In- 
 quietude, will lead you from your gar- 
 den of everb looming roses." Thus 
 again snarled the Gray One. 
 
 "Discord, Desire, Inquietude. Oh, 
 they seem afar from Love. They have 
 the sound of tears, and woe, and death, 
 20 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 death for Life. And Gray One, I fear, 
 I fear, and my hands grow cold. I 
 think, I think I will call to the Leaden 
 One," cried Life in a despairing voice. 
 
 And Discord quickly drew Life's 
 trembling hands to his bosom, letting 
 them gather warmth from the fluttering 
 Raven, as it lay against his own cold 
 breast. From this Life gained a 
 strength. Then Discord knowing Vic- 
 tory was his, smiled, and led life to the 
 world beyond the rose garden. 
 
 All the while Zephyr and the wood 
 vines had not stirred a breath or leaf, 
 but with Life passing, Zephyr arose 
 fanning soft little waves about Life's 
 beautiful head, carrying with them the 
 plaintive pleadings of gentle Myrtle and 
 Woodbine, and Zephyr, too, had whis- 
 pered thus: 
 
 21 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 "Life, dear Life, renounce the Gray 
 One, he leads you to tears and woe, and 
 death. Draw back your hand while 
 yet there is time, hasten, and clasp 
 tightly Love's white hand in thine." 
 
 And a Mavis, singing in a tall cypress 
 nearby, sent with Zephyr the notes of 
 his love song, Tril-i-ree, Tril-i-ree (Love 
 is all, Love is all). But Life's heart 
 was stilled to their love pleadings, and 
 she kept going, going faster, and farther 
 away, and Zephyr in despair, flew after 
 her calling aloud: 
 
 "Life, dear Life, turn, look upon 
 Love, see he lies crushed on the dark 
 earth. But lo! I see Happiness with 
 all her companions hastily coming to 
 his aid. Yes all, and look Life, they are 
 lifting him in their arms. They are 
 bearing him to the hills. Yes, see how 
 
 22 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 tenderly Patience and Benevolence bear 
 him between them, and see, Purity holds 
 his head, while Chastity carries his tired 
 feet, and fans him with her white willow 
 bough. Oh Life, have you no regrets?" 
 But while the gentle Zephyr pleaded, 
 Life without looking backward passed 
 through the glades and from the garden, 
 leaving the Mavis still singing Tril-i-ree, 
 Tril-i-ree (Love is all, Love is all). 
 
 And still again time had grown apace, 
 
 and the years rolled on, and on, while 
 
 Life kept seeking, seeking. She had 
 
 climbed high mountains in her endeavor 
 
 23 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 to reach a narrow, sunlit path, and 
 found it in shadow. She had passed 
 through deep, dark, lonesome ways, 
 with high, jagged rocks, moss and li- 
 chen covered, hanging between her and 
 the blue over head. She had lived in 
 palaces and in huts, until this midwinter 
 day when she could go no farther, and 
 then had fallen on a bed of dead oak 
 leaves. There worn, wrecked, the once 
 beautiful Life lay on the cold, damp 
 leaves of the forest, with winter in her 
 heart, and frost on her long waving 
 hair. 
 
 The sun had passed, and heavy night- 
 clouds hung low, and Harpies came 
 and stood in the thickets of Night- 
 shade, waiting, watching. And these 
 were Life's last companions. And Life 
 moaned aloud: 
 
 24 
 
Life, Love, A Raven's Feather 
 
 " I have been over the long, long ways, 
 seeking, always seeking for something 
 to fill the void in my heart, and naught 
 have I found worthy of Love's place. 
 Why so? I have asked many times, 
 and no one of the multitude could 
 answer. Now I am dying, dying and 
 alone. My heart beats slowly, slowly, 
 and the light is fading, Yes this is 
 death. I am cold, cold with fear, and 
 alone. 
 
 Oh Love, Golden One, if I could feel 
 your hand in mine, it would be more 
 precious than all the multitude. But 
 now it is adieu, dear Love, adieu, for 
 Death stands at my side with the Raven 
 in his hand." 
 
 Life's sad, moanful, lamentations 
 reached the hills, where Echo sent them 
 afar. 
 
 25 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 Then Night's deep silence crept 
 into the forest, and the heavy hoar- 
 frost gathered, and covered like a pall 
 Life on her bed of withered leaves. 
 
 Life had paid the ransom. 
 
 26 
 
L'Immortel 
 
K I 
 
 L'Immortel 
 
 T the age of twenty- 
 one I was a pale, tall 
 youth, with dark 
 eyes which seemed 
 to cover the entire 
 upper half of my 
 thin face. So dense and dark weremy 
 brows and lashes that they contrasted 
 strongly with my almost flaxen hair. 
 
 For three years I had been a student 
 at the Episcopal Seminary, and when 
 29 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 nearing the end of the last term I was 
 stricken with a fever that reached the 
 brain, causing delirium for weeks and 
 laying me low for months. At that 
 time my father was rector of Saint 
 Mary's. He wished me to study to 
 take orders, and in time to fill his place. 
 This was not to my taste, I rebelled, I 
 had heard too much of the Church, of 
 sermons, and the pulpit. For genera- 
 tions the men of my father's family 
 had been of the church. I had lived in 
 its atmosphere, and was left entirely 
 without knowledge of the world until I 
 entered college. 
 
 Of my life these three years I could 
 not, would not, write, had they not 
 ended with my purification. As I have 
 stated, I was as a child when I left my 
 father's house, and in my ignorance I 
 30 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 was led. I became the joke, the scape- 
 goat, of all. 
 
 The teachings of my fathers were for- 
 gotten in my haste to learn the ways tp 
 boast, to drink intoxicating liquors, to 
 smoke, and to gamble. Yes, I will tell 
 even that, the blackest part, the black- 
 est of arts. I, John Montague, had 
 learned to gamble, to gamble away the 
 bread money my father had earned by 
 preaching God's Word to help men live. 
 His daily life, his work was beautiful, 
 the best man can live. All this I now 
 know, and his teachings, they too were 
 all for my good. But I had gone 
 astray, had wandered from his fold in 
 my boastful attempt to become a 
 man, — a manly man, as I had then come 
 to believe that none other than those 
 who could partake of the vices could be 
 31 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 a really manly man, one to be admired 
 and emulated. 
 
 In my attempt to perfect myself in 
 all the leading vices I had become 
 steeped in the deepest dregs of dis- 
 grace and humility. Word was sent 
 my father disclosing my disgrace. He 
 could not come himself, but instead sent 
 a letter each day begging, praying me 
 to desist, to restrain myself, to cast the 
 untruths from my life. For a time I 
 fell under his spell, I remembered his 
 words, his holy words, they came float- 
 ing from the pulpit to my ears. Then 
 again I wandered, and went still deeper, 
 and now as a self punishment I will 
 tell that his letters, my dear father's 
 letters were cast aside unopened, un- 
 read. For weeks they were treated thus, 
 then by the hand of God I was purified. 
 32 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 The fever was sent me. I was 
 stricken at the darkest moment of my 
 life, should I live a thousand years. 
 That day the second message was sent 
 my father, and now I must go, the au- 
 thorities had so decreed. My father 
 was coming to my aid, this was made 
 known to me at the evening hour when 
 I should have been in the chapel. The 
 proctor was making his rounds and 
 found me in a small room where I was 
 gambling with one other. Plain in 
 view the stakes were on the table, my 
 last shilling of bread money, the other a 
 bright bit of steel, holding four life 
 taking missiles, two for each. This 
 we had agreed upon, but which should 
 be the first to use it? Then came the 
 thought of playing for the privilege of 
 being the first to perform the sinful, 
 33 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 cowardly act of taking one's own life. 
 The door had opened, the proctor saw 
 and gave the alarm, though not before 
 telling me my father was due to arrive 
 that very hour. I had been expelled 
 as unfit to longer abide within the semi- 
 nary walls. The words echoed about 
 the room 'father coming, your father 
 coming' and the while my eyes were 
 glued to the bit of steel on the table, and 
 a voice sounded in my ears saying: 
 
 "Yes, look, look at the life taking 
 thing and remember that which you were 
 about to do. Coward thou art to have 
 contemplated such a deed. Were you 
 not satisfied with the depth you have 
 gone, must you, too, part with your 
 soul? Your heart answers not, but 
 you will be saved for your father's sake. 
 You shall be purified as his reward. 
 34 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 His life has earned the soul of his 
 child." 
 
 The voice rang loudly in my ear. 
 Then came another, it had spoken my 
 name. My eyes sought the door whence 
 it came, and on the threshold beheld 
 my father, standing beautifully pale 
 and tender looking, with outstretched 
 arms to me, his son, — his disgrace. 
 
 It was then the Father of all took 
 pity on the sinful one. My heart sent 
 a torrent of blood to the brain; I fell 
 forward but the outstretched arms of a 
 devoted father caught his erring son. 
 
 For days and nights it was thought 
 my life was slipping away, but the 
 voice in my heart had remained and 
 guided me back to life, a life with 
 which to repay, — a ransom for three 
 wasted years. 
 
 35 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 From the hour I fell into my father's 
 arms the influence of the voice has ever 
 been with me, in sleep, in wakefulness, 
 but more earnest still while I was de- 
 lirious. And now in my full reason I 
 can but believe it to have been a vision 
 of the Immortal Truth, sent to guide 
 me to a life everlasting. The first 
 night it spoke thus: 
 
 "John Montague, you have sinned, 
 sinned deeply, for which you must 
 suffer, as suffering alone will cleanse the 
 body, purify the soul, to a whiteness 
 that it may stand in the light of Heaven, 
 with the hope of redemption. Thus 
 
 36 
 
L'lmmortel 
 
 I have come to lead you through the 
 path of right, to the path of life." 
 
 "But where" I asked, "how far?" 
 And the words sounded afar to my ear, 
 though I was conscious of my father's 
 face, he was bending over me, and near 
 the bed was another, with eyes like 
 burning coals. They sought mine,— 
 those burning eyes, — and held my gaze, 
 while they pierced and flashed into my 
 very brain. I thought to drop my eye 
 lids, but they would not close, and the 
 liery ones scorched my brain. How 
 long I cannot say: hours perhaps, or 
 more likely a few seconds. Who can 
 tell? 
 
 "Come you blighted one, come in 
 My footsteps." 
 
 At last I was released. As the voice 
 came I saw, I knew the eyes belonged 
 37 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 to the voice and I could see the lips 
 move. The eyes shed a light over the 
 face, the pale delicate face of a young 
 man of my own age. This I could see, 
 but with the feeling that a great differ- 
 ence lay between us. k 'Who are you, 
 tell me your name?" I called out, with 
 the thought that someone had slipped 
 into the room to torment me, and he 
 replied : 
 
 "Say to your white-haired father, say 
 this: ' Give me the name of Him who will 
 lead me through the path of right.' He 
 can tell, he dwells in my mansion." 
 
 And I said: "Father, my father, give 
 me the name of Him who will lead me 
 through the path of right." 
 
 The answer came, but not until my 
 father had dropped to his knees and 
 prayed thus: 
 
 38 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 "Oh I thank you my Heavenly 
 Father, the good, the great Lord God. 
 You have saved my child. You have 
 redeemed his soul. Blessed be Thy 
 name forever upon his lips. Oh my 
 Lord God, the Savior of man, Amen." 
 
 With the beginning of the prayer, 
 with the speaking of the name, the 
 young man with the burning eyes, had 
 moved and stood at my father's back, 
 resting his two hands upon father's 
 head; but his eyes never for the space of 
 a breath left my own. 
 
 My father's words sounded and re- 
 sounded through the room long after he 
 ceased to speak. It was thus he 
 planted the name in my heart, while 
 still kneeling he pressed his lips to 
 mine, with these words between our 
 flesh: 
 
 39 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 "My son, give yourself to the dear 
 Lord God. He alone can lead you 
 through the path of right, remember the 
 name, God." 
 
 With these words came a great glow of 
 vapory white light, covering all, until 
 every object in the room seemed to 
 take the form of angels floating about. 
 And the young man, He too was 
 changed, or had I not seen him fully? 
 In the light I could clearly see his long 
 waving brown hair, and slender limbs 
 beneath the soft white robe he wore. 
 The robe of a priest, I thought; and 
 thinking too that his feet could not be 
 touching the floor. 
 
 While I was pondering thus, waves of 
 
 music came within my hearing. Wave 
 
 after wave, and nearer they came, until 
 
 I could discern the different instru- 
 
 40 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 ments. Clearly there were flutes and 
 lutes weaving their sweet sounds with 
 those of cymbals and silver trumpets, 
 all. 
 
 If the others heard I did not know, 
 I did not think, I was too intent lis- 
 tening to the wonderous music, drawing 
 so near as to be at the very threshold, 
 yes, at our threshold, and next into the 
 very room in which I lay. But how 
 entered it? Ah! I see, the walls had 
 been removed. I could see out, and 
 down the long, high-vaulted corridors, 
 through each gray arch, and beyond to 
 the willow green, where the blue sky 
 drops over the stone wall. I recog- 
 nized all, the enchanting vista, and was 
 wondering why I had not thought more 
 of the beauties during the three years, 
 while passing to and fro daily. 
 41 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 Then my thoughts were again turned 
 to the music. It was filling the space. 
 A room no longer, for overhead were 
 the dark blue heavens with their 
 myriad sparkling stars. And a cres- 
 cent moon hung directly above my bed. 
 
 The white vapor light had turned a 
 pale amethyst hue; and the objects, they 
 too had changed, changed to many num- 
 bered large white doves. Human-look- 
 ing doves, with wings of long waving 
 feathers. Music making wings as they 
 soared upward and again down, then in 
 circles over and about me, waving 
 out the celestial music in their flights. 
 And all the while, each way I looked, 
 the burning eyes were upon me. I real- 
 ized too that all I was seeing must be 
 through these eyes, and never once had 
 I been able to look beyond. 
 
 42 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 The young man, or priest, I had not 
 decided which, and my father, stood 
 side by side. My father I could see 
 was holding, clasping ,to his breast, 
 the small Holy Book he was never with- 
 out. Ah, the book, the little worn 
 book, I knew it. I had read it through 
 once, twice, yes many times with my 
 father when a child. I a child! when? 
 This I called aloud, and the young man 
 moved nearer, he and father, and the 
 voice answered: 
 
 " Three short years ago you were 
 pure of heart, thus a child, John Mon- 
 tague, and from the child you have tried 
 to draw the soul. Do you recall your 
 sins? Will you repent for your father's 
 love? for the One who died for you? 
 your Savior, your God." 
 
 For God, yes, I am ready. God will 
 43 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 lead me through the path of right, this 
 my father says, was my answer. 
 
 Oh how can I tell, how can I find 
 words to relate, that which followed! 
 But I must endeavor. 
 
 With the name on the air, the ame- 
 thyst light faded away like a sunset 
 cloud, and a burst of gold sprung from 
 above and beyond, enveloping all in 
 clouds of amber, — amber that sent forth 
 rays of light, brilliant, beautiful, dull- 
 ing all else. The moon, I thought, 
 and looking up to where the crescent 
 had hung, when lo! the moon too, had 
 vanished. The light, the amber light, 
 came from a great cross of gold and 
 upon it, upon the cross with out- 
 stretched arms and bleeding feet, was 
 the One of the burning eyes. 
 
 I knew then, I knew the name of the 
 44 
 
Limmortel 
 
 young man of the burning eyes, — the 
 blessed Jesus Christ, and I must look, 
 see Him upon the cross: thus to purify 
 my soul. And my soul cried out: 
 "Come, Oh my Lord God, come take 
 me, lead me through the path of right 
 to the path of life everlasting." 
 
 The amber grew brighter, the cross 
 swayed, then began to ascend, going up, 
 up still higher, until it reached, then 
 passed through the sky and beyond the 
 stars. With the passing of the cross 
 the heavens glowed amber, purple, 
 and gray and rose, — like unto the after- 
 glow of a midsummer sun, and the 
 music grew fainter and farther away 
 as it followed the cross, leaving a milky 
 way through the blue. 
 
 Again my soul cried aloud: "Why, 
 oh why did you not take me? Let me 
 45 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 die as you, dear Lord, or let me live and 
 serve my God." 
 
 I was spell-bound, and trembling, and 
 thinking would it be death or life. Hesi- 
 tatingly I endeavored to arise, but some 
 invincible force held me down. What? 
 I was wondering, when the voice came, 
 the eyes had never gone, I was startled, 
 thrilled, by an indefinable instinct that 
 I would be saved. By a sudden impulse 
 I began to pray, pray for forgiveness, 
 forgiveness and life to repent. Lost in a 
 deep reverie of prayer, a feeling of peace 
 and joy came over me, as the music 
 returned in a glory of sounds. And the 
 Young Man, too, as first I had seen him, 
 stood at my side; and the voice said: 
 
 "Poor humanity, in God's pity I 
 have come to lead you forth to life. 
 You are to live, though you will suffer, 
 46 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 suffer to repent. Arise my son, and 
 follow ever so closely in my footsteps. 
 Arise now, it is thy day." 
 
 I felt myself released. I arose, stood 
 quite near Him, but a vast space seemed 
 to be between us. He moved, moved 
 backward, with his step I too, ad- 
 vanced. Then lo! with that first step 
 rang forth in loud, full, golden toned 
 chorus Kyrie eleison! Kyrie eleison! 
 
 We then moved more rapidly than 
 at first, He ever facing me. I ad- 
 vanced steadily as if drawn along by 
 some magnetic power. We left the 
 room and entered the corridor, here the 
 music met us, surging, waving, the 
 richest harmony among the vaulted 
 arches. And from afar came a faint 
 echo, as of crystal bells chiming the 
 Ave Marie from a marble campanile. 
 47 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 At each step onward I gained courage, 
 strength, a firmness, until every doubt 
 and fear had fled. And still the silvery 
 music; and still the angel chorus. He 
 led me to the chapel, then on to the 
 altar rail, and I could see the amber 
 rays from the richly tinted glass, drop- 
 ping jewel-like upon the altar lace. 
 Then the tinkling of a silver bell changed 
 my thoughts; I fell upon my knees 
 and raised my head. Before me, in 
 flowing white raiment, stood Christ, as 
 I had seen Him upon the cross of gold. 
 He raised one slender hand above my 
 head; from the other I was to partake 
 of His life. At the same moment the 
 amber light blazed in undiminished 
 brilliancy. A shimmering aureole of 
 golden radiance encircled the head, 
 while the light enveloped the figure 
 48 
 
L'Immortel 
 
 like wreaths of woven sunbeams. An 
 agony of shame fell upon me. I cried 
 aloud "Oh deeply and bitterly I repent, 
 dear Lord. I seek, I implore Thy 
 forgiveness. I will bow to Thy will. 
 Forgive, forgive I pray Thee, my 
 Savior." 
 And the voice of Christ came: 
 "Walk in my footsteps, they will 
 lead you through the path of right to 
 life. Read My Word, doubt it never. 
 You will then gain thy forgiveness and 
 life everlasting. Now arise, and be- 
 hold the dawn of thy new life." 
 
 Again the silvery music and the angel 
 chorus, the Young Man too, and again 
 I was led over the way whence we had 
 come. I felt myself falling, dropping 
 upon the bed, and at the side my father 
 was still kneeling, praying, and his 
 49 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 voice had a tremor of pain in it. Then 
 I called to him "Weep no longer, my 
 father, I am still your child. I re- 
 pent, pray for me, pray with me, my 
 father." And while we prayed the white 
 doves, the celestial music, all, were 
 wafted away amid clouds of amber 
 light, leaving the burning eyes within 
 my soul. 
 Candlemas 
 1911 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 OR days together, a fair 
 dark eyed girl, walked 
 the sweet-scented paths, 
 through her garden of 
 pleasure: girl and gar- 
 den wrapped in sun- 
 shine. So, thought she, was all the 
 world. But alas, one day Pleasure led 
 her to the far away path circling the 
 garden, and from there she wandered 
 afar, until at last a day dawned dark 
 53 
 
My Dream Lite 
 
 for the blighted one, and she then 
 cried aloud: "I am forsaken. Pleas- 
 ure and my lover, both so dear to 
 me, and both have gone, gone, my 
 betrayers, and they still will walk the 
 sunny paths while I must hide my 
 sorrow. As for me there is no Hope, 
 and Faith too, has fled. Still there re- 
 mains Charity, but upon her I will not 
 let my heart dwell, for Charity, it is my 
 belief, will turn from one stripped to the 
 very soul of Faith, the bread of life." 
 
 The girl had fallen by the roadside, 
 amid the myrtle and sweet wild shrubs 
 of the hills, where too, the sound of 
 rushing, bubbling waters could be heard, 
 coming from just beyond. 
 
 Her silken garments were frayed and 
 soiled, and her heavy dark hair had 
 loosened, and lay like a mourning 
 54 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 mantle about her shoulders and arms. 
 Her thin oval face shown white, as if 
 carved in ivory, — whitened by despair. 
 And again she cried aloud, to this end: 
 
 "Ah! I hear water, a lagoon there 
 must be nearby. Water, I will find this, 
 and drop myself beneath it. This will 
 hide me from the world. Once, but 
 it now seems long ago, I would have 
 prayed, though not now, as I have 
 lost all, Faith and Hope, and there is 
 no Charity for me. Yes, I will hasten, 
 find the water, and hide me in its 
 depths." 
 
 The girl arose weak and trembling, 
 she grew faint, then swayed, and would 
 have fallen, but by instinct put out her 
 hand, without knowing, without having 
 seen, the hillside shrine by which she 
 had fallen. The shrine with its cross 
 55 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 and image of the Blessed Mother, 
 clasping her Holy Infant to her breast. 
 This the girl now beheld, with its pure 
 marble gleaming white beneath green 
 boughs, and here and there, where the 
 sun could find an opening, it was shin- 
 ing through and dropping like stars 
 about the little Christ Child. 
 
 The girl's hand had grasped one wee 
 foot that rested on the mother's arm. 
 The cold of the marble sent a chill 
 through her body. She raised her eyes, 
 and beheld the shrine, but this time her 
 cry was soft and plaintive: 
 
 "Oh, it was here they brought you, 
 and I never knew, would never again 
 have seen you my babe, my precious 
 one, my life. And the hand of my 
 lover, thy father, my little babe, wrought 
 this shrine. 
 
 56 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 Listen, little babe, and I will tell you 
 how, each day, while your father worked, 
 he would cast aside chisel and hammer, 
 that he might caress us, and praise our 
 beauty. Then the next moment he 
 would again be sending small chips from 
 the block of glistening marble. 'His 
 masterpiece,' he said it should be, and 
 his love for us would ever live in the 
 marble. And all the days he would sing 
 sweet love songs to me, and bring- 
 bright flowerets to you, my babe. Oh 
 my babe, and now you lay cold as the 
 marble, in your tomb, and I, your 
 mother, am forsaken by all, all but the 
 sweet memory of you, and you my babe 
 have called me back to life. And now 
 that I have again looked in your sweet 
 eyes I cannot hide beneath the waters, 
 as then I could not meet thee, little 
 57 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 one, on the other side. So, I must 
 struggle to find the right path for the 
 very love of you. But where can I go, 
 to whom can I turn? I am alone, alone 
 in this vast world." 
 
 "Nay, nay, it is not so, I am here at 
 your side. Look girl, I am an old 
 friend of your world." 
 
 The girl, in surprise at a voice so near, 
 turned, and lo! at her side beheld, as 
 she believed, a gay, dashing cavalier 
 in bright attire, with waving plumes of 
 scarlet in his broad velvet hat. And 
 this is what she said: 
 
 "You sir! why, I know you not, or 
 whence you come, and do you not see 
 I am unhappy and forlorn?" 
 
 "Yes, I heard you lamenting, and for 
 that reason I am at your side to take 
 you with me, I will be your lover, I 
 58 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 will deck you in fine linen and purple, 
 and jewels shall bind your hair, and be 
 clasped about your fair neck and arms. 
 But you must come at once and quickly : 
 do you not see dark clouds are gather- 
 ing?" 
 
 While speaking he had caught a fold 
 of the girl's gown, and at the same 
 moment drew from beneath his long 
 scarlet velvet cloak, a strangely wrought 
 casket, rilled with sparkling gems. At 
 sight of these the girl trembled, and 
 for a moment her eyes rested upon the 
 gold and precious stones. She seemed 
 to falter, and the tempter drew nearer, 
 pushing the casket against her hand. 
 With the contact a spark flashed. 
 The girl felt the shock, and in fear 
 pressed closer to the shrine, and again 
 her eyes sought those of her marble 
 59 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 babe, whose little outstretched arms 
 seemed to be offering shelter to her, 
 his lonely mother, and again she cried 
 aloud, and thus: 
 
 " Go sir, I care not for your offerings. 
 Still, where can I go but with you?" 
 
 "Yes, where can you go, girl, and be 
 happy. You are faded and in rags, 
 where do you hope to find another 
 lover to care for you? Can you not 
 see I am the only one? But hist! you 
 come, I will take you in my arms and 
 fly from here, come." 
 
 As he spoke a heavy cloud dropped 
 over the sun, and loud peals of thunder 
 rolled above their heads, while a thick 
 blackness settled over all. And a rush- 
 ing of wind came down the hillside, 
 swaying and bending the trees, and 
 with the cracking and falling away of 
 60 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 their tender branches, dark, ill-omen 
 night birds flew out with their heinous 
 cries. They circled in the air but an 
 instant, then, with drooping wings flut- 
 tered downward until they rested at the 
 tempter's feet. 
 
 The girl in the greatest terror, pressed 
 still closer to the marble, until her 
 cheek laid against that of her babe. 
 And she entwined her arms so closely 
 about the little body that the marble 
 gathered a warmth from her, which 
 gave it a feeling of flesh, this thought 
 flashed in her mind, and a new joy 
 entered her heart. Thus she called out 
 in the darkness: 
 
 "Go whoever thou art, take your 
 
 gems, I hold the rarest of all here in 
 
 my arms. My babe still lives, and for 
 
 him I will suffer, even perish; but from 
 
 61 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 now till death I will guide my steps 
 until I reach the place where the angels 
 have taken him, then I will kneel to the 
 precious one." 
 
 The cry had scarcely left her lips 
 when the sun burst forth, sending out 
 long rays of light, these quickly melted 
 the darkness, and swept the storm 
 clouds away. 
 
 The light was dazzling, and the girl 
 with a feeling of awe turned to where 
 the tempter had stood. He was no 
 longer at her side, gone, gone she 
 thought. But as her eyes became accus- 
 tomed to the light, she saw he was bend- 
 ing low to the earth and creeping away 
 towards a deep ravine whence the sound 
 of rushing waters came. Then to the 
 right she turned, and there beheld, 
 coming towards her, five maidens, all 
 62 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 tall, slender, beautiful; clothed in soft 
 white, trailing robes, with long, white, 
 cloud-like veils fitted to their heads 
 beneath wreaths of sweet alyssum. The 
 long ends of their veils were waving 
 liken to angel wings half folded. And 
 the sunbeams gathered in the folds, 
 shedding a golden light over all. 
 
 Each maiden carried in her right 
 hand the symbol of her name, and lo! 
 the ground on all sides, and the path 
 they trod, suddenly became whitened 
 with the same holy blossoms of which 
 their wreaths were woven. 
 
 Slowly, silently, they glided, until 
 they reached the shrine. There they 
 paused at the side of the cross, and held 
 out their symbols to the forlorn girl. 
 
 "Who are you? You are different 
 from any I have ever known. Still, 
 
 63 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 you are all living women as I, but I feel 
 that I could not touch a fold of your 
 robe. Tell me quickly, have you come 
 to taunt me with my rags and despair?" 
 
 This the girl asked in trembling tones, 
 as she pressed even closer to her marble 
 babe. And the maidens replied: 
 
 "Oh, we pray you not to have such 
 sorrowful thoughts. You are our sister, 
 we heard your cries and we have come. 
 It is our work to shelter our forlorn 
 sisters. It was not far; our house of 
 mercy stands on the crest of the hill. 
 We knew where to find you, as all 
 stop when they reach the shrine." 
 
 "Your house of Mercy? Do I hear 
 aright, will you be merciful to a fallen 
 girl? one who until a moment ago had 
 lost all faith and hope, and believed 
 not in the world's charity to one who 
 64 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 had sinned, sinned for the love of a 
 man." 
 
 "Yea, yea, sister, it is the pure of 
 heart whom we seek and give our 
 greatest care. And now sister, will you 
 not come nearer? even stand in the 
 sun's rays that we may see each other 
 clearly. And we will prove the truth 
 of our mission, we will give you our 
 names, they shall pass your lips, and 
 fill your heart to overflowing with a 
 love that will give you new life. And 
 you, sister, you can give your name 
 and make known your trouble, or you 
 can keep all a secret in your heart; 
 it is the privilege we grant, we ask 
 naught of the sorrowing ones." 
 
 The girl stepped forth in the sun's 
 path. She had grown paler, until she 
 was white as the marble mother. Too, 
 65 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 a great peace had settled on her deli- 
 cate features, as she left the side of her 
 marble babe, and stood in the light 
 facing the Maidens. At the same mo- 
 ment a light gust of air caught some 
 of the fragile white blossoms from the 
 path, carrying them up in a little 
 twirling shower, letting them fall like 
 snowrlakes over the marble mother and 
 child; and one wee spray had dropped 
 and remained in the babe's hand, as 
 an offering to the living mother. 
 
 The maidens looked eanestly at the 
 girl, and a sadness came into their eyes 
 as they moved nearer, and one spoke in 
 a gentle voice, saying: 
 
 "You poor blighted child, we clearly 
 
 see your features in this marble mother, 
 
 and the little Christ Child, he, too, has 
 
 looked with your eyes upon the poor 
 
 66 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 wanderers who have stopped here to 
 pray. But where is the child, surely 
 you have not deserted him? We will 
 love him; we will care for both." 
 
 And the girl said sadly: 
 
 "Oh do not pierce my heart. I have 
 wept long days for my little dead babe. 
 Dead in the same month I held him in 
 my arms for this marble. His father 
 praised my beauty, and fondled his son, 
 until the masterpiece, as he called the 
 shrine, was finished. It was carried 
 away. The next day the atelier was 
 dark and cold, my babe lay dead. I 
 was alone, deserted, save by poverty 
 and death. And you, who call your- 
 selves my sisters, you now have my 
 secret. To you I plead, beseech your 
 love, for here against this cold marble 
 my heart has warmed. I have regained 
 67 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 that which is most precious, — Faith and 
 Hope." 
 
 And the maidens closed about the 
 girl, and the first maiden said: 
 
 "And you, sister, you will be sacred 
 to us, your sins forgotten, the shrine 
 has purified the body, your soul was 
 never tarnished. But before we enter 
 the home you must learn our names. 
 I will be the first to ask you to look 
 upon my symbol. I will set it against 
 your heart, then you can easily speak 
 my name." And she kissed the cross 
 in her hand, then placed it against the 
 girl's breast. 
 
 "Oh the cross, the symbol of Faith. 
 Faith then is your name." 
 
 "Yea, and Faith I will plant in your 
 heart, that you may never more wander 
 from the path of right." 
 68 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 And the second maiden did likewise, 
 with her silver anchor, and the girl 
 said: 
 
 "The Anchor of Hope. Ah, I know 
 thy name is 'Hope.' " 
 
 "Yea, and I will plant Hope in your 
 heart, that you may be lifted up and 
 never again falter." 
 
 Then came the third maiden, Charity, 
 with her calm white face, and she held 
 to the girl's lips a Bleeding Heart, of 
 whitened silver. 
 
 But from Charity the girl sought to 
 shield her face, while she cried out in 
 shame : 
 
 "Thou art Charity, and you come to 
 me? And you were the first I de- 
 nounced, denounced bitterly, and cast 
 away." 
 
 "Yea, Charity I am called, and 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 Charity forgives, covers faults, that 
 goodness may shine forth clearly. And 
 you, poor girl, I will clothe in fullness, 
 I will wrap about you my mantle, 
 then soon you will become strong in 
 the right, but Repentance must be thy 
 name." 
 
 And the girl moaned, and tears fell 
 from beneath her eyelids. 
 
 "And my name, said the fourth 
 maiden, is Virtue, and I will share 
 with you my Lilies. Hold them ever 
 near, they will ward off Temptation." 
 
 But the fifth Maiden stepped from 
 the circle, and gently clasped in her 
 own, the girl's delicate hands. And 
 the girl raised her eyes to the face of 
 stern, pale Duty, standing silently be- 
 side her, and a cry left the girl's lips. 
 Then Duty spoke: 
 
 70 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 "Yea, girl, it is thus with all, my 
 name is quickly discerned, it is printed 
 upon my face. But I will plant love 
 in your heart. I will keep your hand 
 in mine. I will ever lead you in my 
 path. Yea, Duty will give unto her 
 followers a blessed joy; a great happi- 
 ness; religion; duty to God; life eternal. 
 Yea, all this you will gather as you 
 tread my path." 
 
 At last the girl looked up to the blue 
 sky. Then through the still air came 
 little drops of water, falling, falling. 
 Softly they fluttered down, and dropped 
 upon the girl's head. 
 
 Then Faith stepped from the circle, 
 and spoke: 
 
 "Ah, sisters, these little drops are 
 from the heavens, sent as a message. 
 They have fallen upon her head, and 
 71 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 too, upon the cross. It is her baptism, 
 and we, sisters, are the sponsors. And 
 we now name this poor girl Repentance." 
 
 And the girl looked and wondered, 
 for she had not thought of God in so 
 long a time. Faith quickly under- 
 stood the look, and knew that dark fear 
 was in the girl's heart. Thus again she 
 spoke : 
 
 " Repentance, my sister, cast all fear 
 from you. You are now to go with us. 
 You will be cherished and guided: be 
 one of us in the house of our mother 
 Mercy. And even now she awaits your 
 coming, and we will take you to her 
 fold. But first we will say our evening 
 prayer at the foot of the shrine, as from 
 now the little marble Christ Child will 
 be even more sacred to us. And you 
 the mother, kneel, and learn again to 
 72 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 pray. And while you pray, remember 
 your living babe represented the Holy 
 Infant of Bethlehem. Yea, ever more, 
 let the memory of this be thy guidance, 
 thy guardian angel." 
 
 Their prayers were softly chanted ; the 
 evening air wafted them to the heavens. 
 Then the maidens arose, Faith and 
 Hope, Charity and Virtue, and in their 
 steps pale Duty led Repentance by the 
 hand. 
 
 A light radiated about the girl, her 
 eyes were dark, and clear, and bright. 
 She stood erect: the old, old weariness 
 was gone. 
 
 Slowly, gently, Repentance was led 
 to the winding path on the hillside, 
 then up, up, the white stepping-stones 
 between the hedge rows of lavender and 
 myrrh, until the summit was reached. 
 73 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 Tho' midway they had paused to look 
 upon the shrine; but the sunset glow 
 had veiled its beauty in an opalescent 
 light. 
 
 Then onward, Faith led the sister 
 band, onward to the very portal, and 
 there in the open Mercy stood, to receive 
 the blighted one. 
 
 Faith and Hope, Charity and Virtue, 
 awaited on either side, while Duty led 
 Repentance to Mercy's tender care, 
 and Mercy, in pity, lifted the long ends 
 of her veil, and folded them about 
 the girl's head as they entered the 
 shelter. 
 
 For them the day was done, and with 
 the closing of the heavy doors the mis- 
 sion bells swung out and in their stone 
 arches, sending forth through the calm 
 of twilight the vesper message. Then 
 74 
 
The Hillside Shrine 
 
 the sweet bells had gone to sleep, leav- 
 ing the evening star to keep vigil over 
 the hillside shrine. 
 Bel- Air 
 Chris tmastide 
 1912 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 N the garden on our grand- 
 father's plantation, once 
 stood a very magnificent 
 oak, so tall, that one going 
 through the country could 
 see it for many miles 
 away. For generations the country 
 people all around had used it to direct 
 strangers, or in counting mile marks. 
 Thus it had been known for years and 
 years by the mystic name, as mysti- 
 cally given — The Guiding Oak. 
 79 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 Its branches were many numbered, 
 thick and far reaching, spreading out 
 to such a degree as to make a dense 
 shade over the greater part of the gar- 
 den plat. Around its trunk a broad 
 seat of cypress had been made, in the 
 long ago, so long that it had become a 
 soft silvery gray in color, and had grown 
 so glossy, and smooth to the touch that 
 one loves to sit on it and dream of the 
 many little children who had played 
 there in the shade, — their baby hands 
 helping to give the polish that we ad- 
 mire today. 
 
 In my thoughts I picture all great and 
 beautiful trees as having souls as we: 
 with minds to gather in the rights and 
 wrongs done them, and to me it is as 
 cruel to fell one as to strike down a human 
 being. Yet be this as it may, the Guid- 
 80 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 ing Oak has given evidence of being, as 
 I say, with a heart filled with Faith, 
 Hope, and Charity; and in the same 
 heart a little corner filled with worldly 
 thoughts, such as a vanity for its own 
 beauty, its strength, and above all its 
 value to mankind. 
 
 Truth to tell, our grandmother was a 
 romancer, still this legend was found in 
 her diary, with notes on the flyleaf 
 pleading with all who might read to 
 believe as she, in the truth, the strength, 
 and the immortality of her beloved tree. 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 THE LEGEND 
 
 THE fifteenth of June, and I am ten 
 years old today. I was awakened 
 early, even before the sun had time to 
 dry the dewdrops or the white fog to 
 float away. Awakened by old Uncle 
 Henry, and my sweet birds which nest in 
 the Guiding Oak. Uncle Henry, dear old 
 man, had come to give me greetings and 
 to bring a great bunch of Lilies of the 
 Valley, — my birthday flower. So I hast- 
 ily left my bed and opened wide the 
 casements as he stood just beneath. 
 I knew he would be there as every 
 year since I can remember, — with the 
 lilies tied to the end of a long willow 
 cane that I could easily reach and 
 untie. 
 
 "Good morning, Uncle Henry," I 
 
 82 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 called, while taking in my flowerets, - 
 "how is Mammy this sweet summer 
 morning?" 
 
 " Sprightly, right sprightly for an ole 
 'oman, bu' taint of mammy Ise a- 
 thinkin', its about my honey chile. 
 Now how is you little Miss? You is 
 ten years ole now an' most a young 
 lady, I specs you will soon be a-having 
 beaux. But law me, Ise gwing fo' I 
 hears Marsa callin', so mornin' honey 
 chile, hurry up fo' yo' Pa is got you 
 some thin' pretty." 
 
 "All right so I will, and come down at 
 once." And this I did, to find my father 
 awaiting me. He was sitting on the 
 broad seat under my tree, with the 
 mocking birds and robbins tripping all 
 about. 
 
 First I had my morning kiss,— then 
 83 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 came my birthday gift, and it was you, 
 my pretty book, the diary which I had 
 seen and asked my father to give me 
 today. And ah me! how pretty is 
 your soft brown morocco cover with 
 its delicate tracings of gold. Then too 
 your sweet rose-tinted leaves, with 
 their gold edges I love so much and 
 upon you I mean to write my most 
 secret, my best and dearest thoughts. 
 I will go back to the days I first re- 
 member; I will even go back to my tea 
 party days, — served under the Guiding 
 Oak. 
 
 Ah! that is it, I will tell you our 
 secret, though to none but you will I 
 tell that my tree can see, can hear, and 
 talk. But for its counsels I would have 
 been a naughty child a-many times, and 
 now, now I love and obey its teachings 
 84 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 and I am sure they are all for my 
 good. 
 
 Yes, I shall write down all my life 
 with you, my dear tree, that when I 
 am old, old and forgotten, you may 
 live in the thoughts of others. 
 
 This very day I will begin by writing 
 of the first time you spoke to me. Ah 
 yes! 'tis fitting that your first pages 
 should hold the memory of that sad, sad 
 day, the day my precious Mother was 
 carried past you, down the garden walk, 
 and left over there in the family lot: 
 now more than six years ago. And still 
 I can feel, and hear the thump, thump, of 
 the blighted acorns which you let drop, 
 like so many tears, as we passed beneath 
 your boughs. Some you let fall upon 
 the casket, and there they lay hidden 
 amid the lilies, and forget-me-nots 
 85 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 which my dear father had placed upon 
 the top to cover its cruel black. And 
 some, I remember at least three, you 
 let come thumping down upon my 
 head. I was weeping and my father 
 was leading me by the hand, dear 
 father, you too were shedding tears of 
 sorrow; but with the thumps of the 
 acorns we both looked up, up to your 
 topmost tip that seemed to little me 
 must surely touch the blue sky. And 
 as I lowered my head one acorn slipped 
 from beneath the tangles of my curls, 
 that one I caught and kept in my hand. 
 It was thus I was consoled, I wept no 
 more that day. You had let the little 
 saucer slip from the cup of your tear- 
 drop, and this I would replace, then take 
 from, all through the long sad day ; it 
 amused me, it took my thoughts from 
 86 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 my mother, — it was the first acorn I had 
 ever noticed. 
 
 Then had come the sunset hour, and 
 the soft twilight that followed. The 
 hour when my father and mother were 
 wont to sit beneath you on the broad 
 seat. Ah me! that night we two were 
 alone; I grew tired, then sleepy, Mammy 
 came and wanted to take me, to put 
 me to bed but I would not leave my 
 father's arms so he pillowed my head 
 on his shoulder and held me caressingly 
 against his breast, my dear father, and 
 he too heard my little prayer, then I 
 fell asleep while his tears were fast 
 falling upon my face. 
 
 I still held tightly in my baby hand 
 
 your teardrop, my dear tree, and my 
 
 curls touched the rough bark that 
 
 covers your truly great heart, and it 
 
 87 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 must have been then you found the 
 way to make me understand your lan- 
 guage, when you said: 
 
 "Weep not little child, weep not for 
 the dear mother, she still lives, she will 
 be with you each day, each night, 
 always with you as long as you are 
 good, good and true; but you must 
 never be false, either to yourself or 
 others, — that alone will keep her from 
 you. The dear God would then keep 
 her in the heavens, she could not come 
 to you. Thus as long as you love your 
 mother be true, be gentle, be forbear- 
 ing, and come to me each day: bring 
 your sorrows, bring your joys, tell all 
 to me, me the Guiding Oak, here in 
 your father's garden. I will speak to 
 you, I will be your Mother, she will 
 come and live in me as long as you are 
 88 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 good and true. Now little child sleep, 
 sleep softly, sleep sweetly, little mother- 
 less child." 
 
 Now my pretty book do you not feel 
 grateful to be entrusted with my secret? 
 But wait you, you have not heard one- 
 hundredth part, now listen. 
 
 The next morning I awakened to 
 find mammy and my father bending 
 over my little bed, also that I still held 
 the acorn in a tight grasp, and do you 
 know I have it still, — the one that fell 
 from my curls on that sad day. I will 
 never part with it, I wear it sewed in a 
 little silken bag, around my neck. 
 But it has been great trouble to keep it 
 safe from mammy, and at times I have 
 been obliged to entreat my father to 
 speak in order to keep my treasure, 
 until now I am allowed to do as I 
 89 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 please — I am ten years of age, and 
 Uncle Henry says I will soon be a young 
 lady; but that is naught, sweet book, 
 and I know you would much rather be 
 told my secret. 
 
 Ah! tree, dear tree you were indeed a 
 mother that next day. I remember 
 how I ran down the garden walk, with 
 the box on either side, so tall and thick 
 that I could not see other than ahead or 
 up, up to the sky. But the lilies stood 
 in groups at the end, beyond you my 
 dear tree. The tall white lilies that we 
 all love so well, you are the children of 
 the ones my mother planted when she 
 first came here a young and beautiful 
 bride; I know as my father has told me 
 many times of her lovely thoughts and 
 ways. 
 
 But of that next day. I reached you, 
 90 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 O tree, I climbed to the seat, then 
 waited, waited for my mother to come, 
 as I believed you meant she would. I 
 waited, it seemed a long, long time, 
 then I began to weep, the tears blinded 
 me, I must wipe my eyes, this I did with 
 the frill that trimmed my apron. In 
 doing this the acorn which I had with 
 me rubbed against my cheek; that 
 turned my thoughts, I began to play 
 with it, to look about. Then low and 
 behold! there at my very feet were 
 acorns many numbered, that had fallen 
 and lay strewn through the soft grass 
 and clover blossoms. 
 
 I was on my feet at once, but with the 
 thought not to lose my one, the precious 
 one, I twisted and tied it in a corner of 
 my apron, then straightway began to 
 gather up all others I could find, until 
 91 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 I had a great heap. This gave me 
 much pleasure and kept me from be- 
 coming lonesome for a long time. At 
 last I grew tired, so again thought of 
 my mother, and again I wept. This 
 time I sat upon the ground, near to 
 your big arm which comes up through 
 the earth, I laid my head upon it, the 
 tears fell too upon your arm, dear 
 tree, — then you spoke, you my mother, 
 and you said: 
 
 "Up, up, little child, you should not 
 weep, look about you, look at the sun- 
 shine, look at the flowers: God's dear 
 little children they are and you, you too, 
 belong to him. But you must not weep, 
 you must not ask for that which He has 
 taken; that which He does not give. 
 
 "Ah! dear little child, look at the 
 birds, they too belong to Him, they 
 92 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 are happy, they are joyous, though 
 they have but what He gives, — and they 
 sing the live long day. 
 
 "Now up little child, your mother is 
 with you, and she says: 
 
 "Run to the house Mary Elizabeth, 
 run and ask mammy sweetly to bring 
 out your little pewter dishes, and bread 
 nicely spread with the sweet butter she 
 churned before you opened your eyes 
 this morning, and this day she may add 
 a thin sprinkling of sugar to appease 
 you, my baby. Tell her to bring all 
 here, with a jug of milk, and here you 
 can have a party for yourself and 
 dollies. O yes, you must also have your 
 dollies, they will be your guests, they will 
 keep you company. Now run Mary 
 Elizabeth, I your mother will await you 
 here, here on the bench and will help 
 93 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 you with your party; but unless you are 
 happy I cannot remain." 
 
 The voice I heard was distinctly my 
 mother's, though it came from the tree 
 arm beneath my head. I was at first 
 startled, I sat upright and looked about, 
 expecting to see my mother, no one was 
 in sight, my little heart began to feel a 
 fear. Then again the voice came, but 
 this time from the acorn, tied as it was 
 in my apron. 
 
 "Up, I say, Mary Elizabeth, up my 
 baby and be merry and gay, for if you 
 rebel, if you resist the will of your 
 Heavenly Father, I cannot come to you, 
 my precious baby. Now I will kiss you 
 that you may know I am with you, 
 little one." 
 
 Then what think you, my sweet book, 
 I awaited my mother's kiss,— instead 
 94 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 came a wee bit of an acorn from over 
 my head, I heard it dropping, I looked 
 up, to catch it on my lips! My mother 
 in the tree had sent down the kiss to me. 
 Ah yes it's true, and that kiss too I 
 have in safe keeping with the other one 
 that fell on my saddest day. 
 
 Thus I spent my baby days, with my 
 mother tree to guide and love me and 
 shield me from much. In mirth and 
 sorrow, in health and pain, my dear 
 mother has ever been with me. 
 
 Long ago I controlled my temper; 
 
 long ago ceased to resist the higher 
 
 power, and longer ago learned that if I 
 
 were in doubt I had but to press an acorn 
 
 95 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 to my lips, and my mother's voice came 
 to point the way. 
 
 ANOTHER fifteenth of June, again 
 Uncle Henry and the flowerets and 
 my singing birds. And live years too 
 have passed since you first heard my 
 secret, dear book, and much of the time 
 you and I have travelled over the seas 
 with my father, who thought thus to 
 cast off his sorrow. 
 
 But now I am older, I can give him a 
 greater comfort; I, and our dear tree, 
 as I ask my mother each day, to guide 
 me in my care of him. And he is be- 
 
 06 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 coming quite happy, he says it is my 
 youth and beauty that is working the 
 charm. My beauty! I think he only 
 says that just to comfort me, I know I 
 am without a spark of beauty as mammy 
 tells me I am tall enough for a girl a 
 year older than I, while she declares my 
 eyes are like the white doe's we saw 
 somewhere in an English park. And 
 that my hair is neither brown nor 
 gold, but just half of one and the other. 
 Then my skin she says has not enough 
 blood color, — it is too much like my 
 mother's pure white, ivory-backed 
 prayer book. But poor mammy! if 
 I am warm and a pink spot comes on 
 either cheek, then straightway I must 
 go to my father, and he will feel my 
 pulse to find if I have a fever. So you 
 see, sweet book, I have my troubles, — 
 97 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 but never mind I also have much happi- 
 ness, and today I am to have my first 
 real party, a birthday party. 
 
 And too I have a new secret, listen; 
 you know Bobbie Lee, he is the tall 
 youth with dark gray eyes, and hair 
 like a chestnut hull. We take long 
 rides, you must know, on the beautiful 
 horses our fathers gave us last Christ- 
 mas, — we had a lovely one yesterday 
 eve. Ah! I feel the pink spot coming 
 now, as it did when he whispered the 
 sweet words of his love for me, that 
 was last night, after our return. After 
 supper we sat on the seat under my 
 mother tree, he spoke low, so low I 
 could but catch his words. But my 
 dear mother also heard and let drop 
 two kisses, one fell in his hand, one 
 amidst my curls. 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 He had asked if I did or could love 
 him — that brought the pink spot. I 
 was afraid he had guessed, but how could 
 he know that I had loved him always. 
 Yes, since the day we were swinging 
 double in my swing and I slipped and 
 fell to the ground. Bobbie picked me 
 up the best he could and we sat on 
 mother's arm; I with my head on his 
 shoulder, while he kissed and petted me 
 until my fear had passed. And now 
 last eve he asked if I did, if I could 
 love him enough to some day be his 
 wife. Ah! dear Bobbie, I love you 
 more than I can tell! 
 
 But now, sweet book, I must stop. 
 My father calls: we are to go out to the 
 garden to gather flowers, and to arrange 
 the ground under my tree, as it is there 
 we will receive our guests. Tomorrow 
 99 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 I will tell you of the party,— I will tell 
 you everything, dear book. 
 
 AH sweet book! where shall I begin, 
 I have so much to tell this day. 
 Father and Uncle Henry worked all 
 morning clearing up the garden under 
 the Guiding Oak, after I left you yes- 
 terday. I helped some in arranging 
 the bower and festoons of roses, but 
 my work was little as our dear tree had 
 much to say, and the voice of my 
 mother came to me so often. Then 
 100 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 again a wonderful something else I 
 have to write on your leaves today, and 
 too, none knows of it but myself. 
 
 My father was intent on weeding out 
 everything that had sprung up amidst 
 the grass under the oak tree, he said: 
 
 "I wish a smooth, velvety lawn to 
 receive my guests on today, Henry, so 
 gather in all the boys on the place and 
 put them to work; then all can be fin- 
 ished in good time." 
 
 As father said this he looked over the 
 ground, even looking under the broad 
 seat, then exclaimed: 
 
 "Why bless my heart, Henry, is not 
 that a wild muscadine vine growing 
 there under the seat?" 
 
 "Ye' sah! it su' is dat. Ise righ' 
 glad we's got him, 'case he's making 
 fo' de Guiden Oak, — if he gits up da 
 101 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 its good-bye mister oak I tell you 
 Masser." 
 
 With this Uncle Henry picked up a 
 spade as he meant to dig the vine up 
 with its roots. I was sitting on the 
 cypress seat at the moment, and then 
 the voice came: 
 
 "Mary Elizabeth," it said, "prevent 
 them, they must not destroy the wild 
 grape vine. Years and years ago, 
 thoughtlessly, carelessly, I dropped the 
 seed from which it has sprung, thought- 
 lessly then, but I know now it was for a 
 purpose, — as so, God wills all things. 
 But year after year it has been trampled 
 on or cut down, it could never get as 
 far as the Guiding Oak. There, quick, 
 stop the spade, quick Mary Elizabeth, 
 I your mother wills it." 
 
 I jumped up calling to Uncle Henry 
 102 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 to desist, I wished the vine to remain. 
 To this he objected, my father also, as 
 he too wished to protect the oak. But 
 I insisted that it should not be touched, 
 at last I conquered, the vine still lives. 
 
 And now listen sweet book. When 
 the work was finished I returned to 
 the seat, so did my mother, and she 
 spoke thus, O so sweetly: 
 
 "My child you did well, I wish the 
 vine to live as I have already told you. 
 For years it has tried to reach the oak; 
 at last the root has stretched to the 
 seat, thus the vine has found a place of 
 protection from trampling feet. It 
 must be allowed to climb up my body, 
 it must I say, even if it be my death." 
 
 Oh but dear tree! I could not live 
 without you, my mother, I cried. Then 
 listen my book, — the vine too spoke, 
 103 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 but in a voice I had never heard, a 
 small, meek, plaintive voice, like a 
 crying infant, thus: 
 
 "O dear oak save me, save me, I 
 am thin, I am weak, how could I hurt 
 your sturdy body? I am alone, with 
 kindred no nearer than the forest. I 
 am lonesome, I want to cling to some- 
 one; I have struggled, suffered pain and 
 sorrow. I am broken in strength by 
 the trampling of many. Each May 
 Day I have crept up, up through our 
 mother earth with the help of the sun- 
 shine, and the sweet dews of the nights. 
 
 "I am thankful to the Father of all 
 for my life and the little sweetness that 
 has come between the sufferings and 
 wrongs felt in so many years. O dear 
 oak help me, O I pray you help me 
 great and beautiful tree." 
 
 104 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 Then my tree spoke thus: 
 
 "I am willing little vine, but you will 
 first tell me how, as I see not how I, 
 the greatest, the grandest, the most 
 majestic tree in the land can possibly 
 give help to a little bleached out, 
 stunted wild vine of the woodland. Do 
 you think of a way, little vine?" 
 
 "O yes, beautiful tree, now that I am 
 not to be utterly destroyed I shall have 
 the opportunity of living out my life. 
 My heart I have kept pure, my mind 
 unsullied. It may be true I am bleached 
 out and stunted in body as you say, 
 but how could I be otherwise, with the 
 years of struggling to escape being 
 entirely crushed. But believe me dear 
 tree, I have lived, lived a great and 
 beautiful life as neither my heart nor 
 mind is stunted, both have grown and 
 105 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 expanded, — with the crushing of my 
 body. Only try me, good tree, and give 
 me thy help by letting me reach out 
 my little tender arms until I can cling 
 to your lovely self, than I will creep, 
 creep up and around your strong body, 
 then on up till I reach your topmost 
 tip. Ah! me, will I ever be so happy 
 as to be up, up above men's trampling 
 feet, up almost to the blue sky? And 
 now dear oak, if I can start to climb 
 with love and trust in my heart I will 
 grow so rapidly that I will soon reach 
 out and mingle with the lovely foliage 
 on your arms. Only try me, I am 
 faithful, I am helpful; great and 
 beautiful tree can you not be chari- 
 table?" 
 
 "I will, yes I will although I heard 
 the men say that if you were allowed to 
 106 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 cling to me you would sap my life; 
 detract from my beauty, then I would no 
 longer be admired. They all worship 
 me today, I am their treasure, their 
 friends come to see me, to admire me. 
 I was talked of across the seas and my 
 great beauty told of. I must think! 
 can I risk all to help a little ugly, wild 
 thing?" 
 
 "Ah well, great tree, so you will not 
 be charitable. Perhaps you are right, 
 I am poor and ugly now; but with your 
 help, who can foretell, I may some 
 day expand to a beautiful vine like my 
 ancestors of the forest." 
 
 "That is the trouble little vine, if I 
 were certain you would not do that very 
 thing I would say, 'Come, cling to me 
 you will not be seen creeping under 
 my large, heavy leaves.' Thus none 
 107 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 would take notice of you; truly little 
 vine I want to give you help, but I love 
 my beautiful self, and I love to hear 
 people extol my value, I cannot help it, 
 it seems my right." 
 
 Now dear book I had listened to this 
 in wonder as I had thought my mother 
 everything that was good and pure, and 
 somehow I felt grieved over the oak not 
 being willing to help the wild vine; 
 but the voice was not that of my 
 mother, — in truth it was a strange voice. 
 Then of a sudden I heard an acorn 
 dropping down, I looked up as it 
 passed in front of my face and fell into 
 my lap. I caught it up and held it to 
 my lips, — then my mother spoke: 
 
 "Ah Mary Elizabeth, have you lis- 
 tened to the oak and vine? And tell me, 
 my child, are you willing to risk losing the 
 108 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 beauty of your treasured tree to help 
 save the life, and give happiness to a 
 poor little wild vine? Tell me, tell me 
 your mother are you willing, and would 
 you risk your own beauty to give aid 
 to a little sick orphan child, as thus the 
 vine is? Now speak truthfully my little 
 one." 
 
 "Yes, twice yes, my dear mother, 
 both I am willing to do. I love my 
 mother tree, but I could not feel so se- 
 cure in her love were she to let even a 
 vine die beside her, without giving it 
 her aid. And as for myself, try me, 
 only try me, mother dear." O sweet 
 book, then my mother's voice spoke 
 again, thus: 
 
 "My own little babe, my precious 
 child, you have indeed been true to my 
 teachings. O little one, the first voice 
 109 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 was a feigned, a false one to try, to 
 tempt you, my darling. I your mother 
 will save the little wild vine, do you hear 
 me little vine, come nearer, look up, 
 and creep to me, we will all give thee 
 help: the sunshine and dewdrops will 
 be with you, and you Mary Elizabeth, 
 you will see that it is not harmed by 
 man or others." 
 
 To this I gave my promise, —and so 
 I will. 
 
 Then again the little vine spoke: 
 
 "0 1 am thankful, grateful, and will 
 do my best. I will give all that is mine, 
 — love and gratitude. Still wait you, be 
 patient, O beautiful tree, in time a power 
 may be given me to prove my willing- 
 ness, and true gratitude to you. 
 
 I am weary, I am weary now, and 
 the light is all ahead, afar, afar you say. 
 110 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 Well be it so, only let me live within the 
 shelter of your love; then Faith and 
 Hope will do all else for me, dear tree." 
 "Ill grant your great desire,you poor 
 little blighted wild thing, so come to 
 me, come rapidly, but with a care that 
 you do not scar your tender arms on 
 my rough body." Thus spoke my 
 mother tree, — then all was silence. 
 
 AND now sweet book I will tell you of 
 my party. Ah me, it was lovely, so 
 was my white frilled lawn. Father said 
 that if I wished I could wear my 
 mother's pearl strands, but I did not as 
 I had made a necklace to my liking, can 
 you guess in what manner? Of course 
 ill 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 not, so listen. For days I had saved the 
 acorns as they fell, until I had gathered 
 a goodly number; these I strung as 
 beads to wear about my neck. They 
 were very beautiful where the long 
 strand hung over my white bodice, 
 showing their soft gray-green coloring. 
 
 Now and again I touched them to my 
 lips, then my mother's voice would 
 come. Once when Bobbie and I had 
 wandered away from the others, he 
 caught my hand and was begging for 
 my promise. I knew how well I loved 
 him, but to say yea or nay, I knew not 
 which, until my mother spoke, and she 
 said "yea." 
 
 Ah my mother tree, what would I 
 know if not for your counsels. 
 
 "Yea, my Mary Elizabeth, say yea, 
 it is the dear God's will as you two 
 112 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 were formed as one, one life, one soul, 
 divided into two bodies of earthly clay. 
 You are to live as one being, with love 
 and joy to stand between you, to walk 
 at your side, to lead you over life's way. 
 Give with your heart, your best-self, 
 your love and trust; as he will give to 
 you, my child." 
 
 I had stopped, with Bobbie at my 
 side, down by the lily pond. He must 
 have seen something in my face, and 
 with a quiver in his voice asked: 
 
 "What is it Maybeth" thus he has 
 called me always, as his childish tongue 
 had formed my name in the long ago 
 days. "What is it Maybeth? There 
 is a strange, far away look in your eyes, 
 and your lips quiver, my darling. Did 
 you hear anything, did anybody speak? 
 But no, of course not, we two are entirely 
 113 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 alone. Was it my question? let it not 
 trouble you, I am too hasty, I can wait 
 a day, a week; my love be happy today, 
 I will speak to your father tonight, then 
 you can give the yea. It will be yea, 
 will it not, my other self?" 
 
 "Ah that is it. Ah Bobbie dear how 
 did you know, how did you know to 
 say it the same as I? 
 
 "Yea, it is yea Bobbie, as you are my 
 other self we are only one in two bodies." 
 
 "How, why do you speak thus, May- 
 beth, as though somebody had prompted 
 the saying?" 
 
 "You are right Bobbie, I was told 
 that which I have repeated. And you, 
 why did you call me your other self?" 
 
 "I know not, only with the thought 
 that we two belonged to one another, 
 and thus spoke my heart, dear one. 
 114 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 But with you it is different, you say 
 you were told; by whom, pray, who but 
 your father or mother would speak so 
 to you?'' 
 
 "My mother! so you have guessed it, 
 Bobbie; still you will not allude to it 
 before others, — let it remain a secret 
 between ourselves, shall it not?" 
 
 "Indeed yes, though I do not under- 
 stand your meaning, Maybeth: your 
 dream as I take it, some sweet childish 
 dream, will be safe in my keeping, my 
 dear other self. there again I have 
 used the phrase, it dropped from my 
 lips without my forming the words, 
 though in truth with a strange feeling 
 in my heart at the moment. And so my 
 answer is yea, yea my dear one?" 
 
 "Yea Bobbie, and in truth to tell I 
 could never have said nay." 
 115 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 And then sweet book the pink spots 
 came, came and remained the balance of 
 the afternoon, and until after Bobbie 
 had gone. And why? because, dear 
 book, my other self pressed so many 
 kisses on my lips, cheeks and hands, 
 that I even felt my face growing pink 
 to the curls on my temples. But ah 
 me! it was sweet, as indeed I love my 
 Bobbie self so very, very much. 
 
 And father, my dear, dear father 
 smiled upon us and gave his blessing; 
 then said: 
 
 "You were surely intended for each 
 other, and my dear children it is my be- 
 lief you have loved since Bobbie was 
 six and Mary Elizabeth three. But you 
 must wait some years, perhaps when 
 Maybe th is eighteen, and you Bobbie 
 one and twenty." 
 
 116 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 "Ah I see, father you wish me to con- 
 tinue my studies with mademoiselle and 
 with you, I consent. And by then Bob- 
 bie will have become a great scholar, is 
 it not so? 1 ' 
 
 "Well perhaps, my child, and three 
 years is not long. And it is my wish, 
 also, that you remain here in your old 
 home, we could not get along without 
 Mary Elizabeth in our daily life: this 
 you must know, Robert Lee, you 
 cannot take her from the Guiding 
 Oak." 
 
 "It shall be as you wish, sir. I am 
 too happy to desire other than will 
 please you and Maybeth" answered 
 Bobbie bravely. 
 
 And then dear book, my other self 
 and I went from the house down the 
 walk to my mother tree, and there we 
 117 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 plighted our troth in the moonlit gar- 
 den, with Love and Joy at our sides. 
 
 Thus ended my birthday party, dear 
 book. 
 
 TWO years later, again the fifteenth of 
 June. 
 I was awakened by my singing birds, 
 the birds alone, — the first birthday in 
 my memory not to find Uncle Henry 
 beneath my window. He, dear old man, 
 could not come, he is sleeping in the 
 family lot, beside old mammy, and his 
 grave is white with my flowers: today I 
 gave them to him as he was wont to 
 give to me. By another year they will 
 118 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 bloom for him on the grave, I will plant 
 them when the north wind blows. 
 
 There: I cannot write more today, as 
 I see Bobbie riding up the avenue. He 
 will expect me to meet him, to receive 
 his greetings and his flowers, — Bob- 
 bie I love you more and more each day! 
 
 O SWEET book, how can I tell you, 
 how can I write it? Ah me, I 
 fear my heart will break, I am so sad, 
 so sorry; but listen I will try. 
 
 When I left you yesterday to receive 
 my true love, my other self, I was sur- 
 prised to find the sun hidden under a 
 
 119 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 heavy, dark cloud, and a storm com- 
 ing. Indeed it was upon us, father 
 said, without a moment's warning. 
 It had come swiftly up the valley 
 with a great rush of wind. We could 
 hear the moaning of the trees, as they 
 were swayed and bent and strained, as 
 the wind swept through the gorge— 
 with the sound of a lashing sea. At last 
 it reached our garden, and all unre- 
 strained spent its fury switching and 
 lashing our noble trees. My mother,- 
 the dear Guiding Oak — bending grace- 
 fully, grandly, and the while protecting 
 the wild grape vine. Ah the poor little 
 vine, you are indeed a miracle. None 
 would have believed that within two 
 years time you could have climbed half 
 way up my mother tree, and crept 
 around her many arms. O little vine 
 120 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 who will care for you now if my mother 
 lives no longer. 
 
 There, you have been told, pretty 
 book; but wait, you have not heard all. 
 
 The wind rushed on and on, uplifting 
 the shrubs, pressing down the sweet ten- 
 der flowers to the earth, — and brought 
 desolation, as the very air appeared to 
 darken and grow cold. The wind too, 
 had spent its strength for a time. All 
 were silent, the wind, the trees, all, — as 
 from some great fatigue. 
 
 Father, Bobbie and I, were watching 
 from the casement, my hands were cold, 
 as on our saddest day. Darker grew the 
 sky, a low, long rumbling sound came 
 to where we stood. I grew faint with 
 a sickening fear; my father caught and 
 held me in his arms as the worst hap- 
 pened. 
 
 121 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 The heavens opened, letting out a 
 great streak of fire, I felt it coming, my 
 eyes were upon it. I could hear the 
 heavy throbs of my heart. I clung to 
 my father, watching, waiting, — for what 
 I knew not. The great light narrowed 
 as it left the heavens, and hung the 
 briefest time midway to the earth : then 
 down, down came that glowing spear of 
 light, darting across the garden, then 
 down, still down until it struck the wet 
 earth beyond. With it a loud, long peal 
 of thunder, a rush of wind, — a crash 
 of falling timber. Then I heard no 
 more, I laid as one dead in my father's 
 arms. I too had felt the shock, felt it 
 in my heart; but I live. O my mother, 
 O my mother tree! Father, Bobbie, 
 both dropped the words softly, gently, 
 to let me know from them the sad 
 122 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 meaning of the crashing sound: that 
 the cruel spear of light had cut a path 
 straight through the heart of the Guid- 
 ing Oak, midway to its topmost tip. 
 Broken, fallen, crushed, and now all lay 
 upon the ground, — the uppermost part, 
 the great guiding arms of my mother 
 tree. 
 
 That was the last, the storm had 
 done its heartbreaking w r ork, then passed 
 into the vast beyond. 
 
 Ah me, how sad to think of the 
 broad, untouched land back of the gar- 
 den plat: could not that fiery bolt have 
 found a broader path than through the 
 heart of the Guiding Oak? 
 
 O, I feel a revenge, an aversion to the 
 
 very heavens. Could not God have 
 
 willed it otherwise than first to take my 
 
 true mother, then to crush down my 
 
 123 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 mother tree? O, I fear to think, I fear 
 me there may be no God as I am taught 
 to believe. I fear, I tremble, I grow 
 sick. I cannot write more: I will go to 
 my poor blighted oak, my mother's 
 voice will guide me, — guide my thoughts 
 from temptation. 
 
 AFTER leaving you, pretty book, I 
 walked down the garden path; all 
 seemed new, I felt me in a strange land, — 
 the blue sky showed clear and bright 
 overhead, where the oak towered but two 
 days before. And the lilies, the tall white 
 lilies, are no more, they too were broken 
 and crushed; and now their delicate 
 white blossoms and long green stalks 
 124 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 lay covered with sand and clay. These 
 I passed by with the wonder if my dear 
 young mother could see, could know . 
 
 I reached the Guiding Oak, O dear 
 tree! you can no longer be called thus — 
 only in memory. You are already 
 spoken of as the Great Blasted Oak. 
 
 I sat me on the cypress seat and 
 looked about, — the broken arms! some 
 in a heap, some scattered afar out, then 
 tossed by the winds: and everywhere 
 the blighted acorns, great and small. 
 
 At sight of them and the exposed 
 white of my dear tree's heart, I grew 
 more bitter than ever before. 
 
 Why, why should this be? I do 
 not believe it was God's work. I am 
 sick, I wish my mother, will she come? 
 Can you come, mother voice, through 
 your prostrated body? 
 125 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 As I cried thus, a small blighted acorn, 
 a teardrop, fell at my feet: and a voice 
 came, a thin, soft, pleading voice and it 
 said: 
 
 "Mary Elizabeth, cease your repin- 
 ing. Do you not remember that years 
 ago your mother said if you resisted and 
 rebelled against your Heavenly Father's 
 will she would not, could not, come to 
 you, and now what are you doing? Your 
 mother is grieved, grieved for you, her 
 little child, and she cannot give it help." 
 
 "Yes, yes I remember, I had forgot- 
 ten. But why did God take my mother 
 tree?" I asked. 
 
 "A voice, only a voice, Mary Eliza- 
 beth, from the wild grape vine. As I 
 have said, you cannot hear your moth- 
 er's voice while you have such thoughts 
 in your heart as are now there; and dear 
 126 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 child do you think your mother tree will 
 love you unless you are pure of thought 
 and keep a Christ-like forbearance in 
 your heart? 
 
 If you will listen I will tell you of 
 greater trials than you bear." 
 
 And I answered, "I will listen, little 
 vine," so again the strange thin voice: 
 
 "You remember the day you saved 
 the life of the bleached, stunted vine of 
 the woodland, look up, look at me now. 
 Do you not think I have struggled to 
 attain this height? Do you think I en- 
 joyed having your friends stand there 
 and admire and extol the beauty of the 
 Guiding Oak, and never even mention 
 me? But if they did perchance speak 
 of me it was to draw someone's atten- 
 tion to my existence, and all would say 
 I should not be allowed to climb up the 
 127 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 oak, that I detracted from its beauty, 
 I would sap its life. 
 
 Believe me, it required all my strength 
 to attain this height, and at the same 
 time hold fast to Love and Gratitude; 
 and harder still to prevent Jealousy 
 creeping up and hiding beneath my tiny 
 leaves. And now victory was nearly 
 won; within a few weeks, a few months, 
 I would have reached the topmost tip, 
 —now I can never go farther than you 
 see me. But I do not regret, I only re- 
 joice that the time, the power, is mine 
 to prove my willingness to give, to give 
 all to our mother tree. 
 
 Do you not see her poor bleeding body, 
 lacerated and torn, exposed to the sun, 
 the insects, and the ones who so admired 
 her in the days of her glory? 
 
 Now who can, who will care for and 
 128 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 protect her bleeding heart, who think 
 you, Maybe th? I will tell you, it will 
 be none other than the little bleached 
 out, stunted vine! I will do this. I 
 will creep on and on, making a thick 
 covering over her wounds; I will give 
 shade to her broken body ; I will festoon 
 myself from her poor scarred arms and 
 drape her body with my softest leaves 
 and tendrils. Then all will still admire 
 her exquisite breadth, and deep shade 
 beneath. 
 
 And now know you this forever more. 
 All great and beautiful things; all lesser 
 and poorly things, must drop from their 
 places and sit lowly, before reaching 
 their Father's mansion. So down, down 
 on your knees, Mary Elizabeth, and 
 pray the dear Father in heaven to for- 
 give, to take from your heart the evil 
 129 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 you allowed to enter. Kneel quickly, 
 and pray as you were taught by your 
 own true mother, little child." 
 
 Ah me! that last was said in my 
 mother's voice; I knelt, I prayed, and 
 my mother sent down a tear. 
 
 And now, pretty book, my heart is 
 light, — I am forgiven. 
 
 ANOTHER fifteenth of June; a glori- 
 ously beautiful summer day. My 
 eighteenth birthday, — my bridal day. 
 And for me the roses, the lilies, the flowers, 
 vines and shrubs, and all else that ever 
 bloomed, have blossomed their fullest, 
 their sweetest : the air is rilled with their 
 sweetness, and resounds with the songs 
 130 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 of my many birds. And too my mother 
 tree and the wild grape vine are re- 
 splendent in their beauty. 
 
 Ah, my poor blasted oak still lives, 
 and is of a greater beauty; it is even now 
 taller than any other in the garden. 
 
 My father had her arms trimmed and 
 shaped in such a way that to strangers 
 the top appears quite natural. Then 
 too it has branched out to a greater de- 
 gree,— as many as a hundred persons 
 can be sheltered within its shade; and 
 the vine has covered all scars. dear 
 little vine, none would have dreamed of 
 131 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 you ever being so magnificent. Your 
 graceful festoons and sweet purple fruit 
 are admired now as much as the Guid- 
 ing Oak ever was. 
 
 Your life, little vine, belongs to my 
 mothers, the real and the mother tree. 
 One prevented you being uprooted, she 
 knew that which we did not: the other 
 gave you her sheltering love and you 
 now cling to her body, as the years roll 
 on and on. 
 
 And now today an altar has been 
 erected beneath the broad arms, white 
 and flower-trimmed, and there I, your 
 little child, and my other self, knelt and 
 exchanged vows which none but God 
 shall put asunder. 
 
 Ah the good, the Great One, who 
 knoweth all things! 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 AND still another fifteenth of June, 
 and another two years have slipped 
 away, these as if on butterfly wings, — as 
 indeed it seems to my other self and 
 me. Two years of unutterable happi- 
 ness, a joy born of Truth and Faith, 
 Love and Forbearance. Bobbie, my 
 dear, dear husband, my loyal other self, 
 — and the other, a wee bit of an elf, 
 born in its father's image: it too has 
 dark gray eyes and nut brown hair. 
 
 Can you guess, pretty book, do you 
 guess my wonderful happiness? You 
 cannot, I must tell it to your rose tinted 
 leaves. Yes, tell that I, Maybeth Lee, 
 holds a little child to my breast, to nour- 
 ish it to strength, to shelter and guide it 
 to our Father's mansion. I, a mother. 
 Ah, is it not a holy office? 
 
 And Bobbie, he is awed and almost 
 133 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 frightened. He prays, prays more fer- 
 vently than ever, for strength to follow 
 his father's teachings: that he may not 
 fail in his great and holy responsibility 
 of guiding a son's footsteps. Another 
 Robert Lee. And my own dear father, 
 too, is happy, happy in our peace and 
 love. 
 
 Last night Bobbie carried the little 
 elf in his arms, we strolled down the 
 garden walk to my mother tree, and 
 sat on the cypress seat, — sat as did my 
 father and mother in the joyous days 
 of their youth, and I the little elf. It 
 was my father's hour, we knew he would 
 come to us, to watch the sun drop and 
 the shadows spread until they covered 
 the earth. Soon I heard his footsteps 
 on the gravel, I looked up with a strange 
 feeling in my heart. As I looked a 
 134 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 shadow, a vapor-like shadow, arose 
 from the ground and floated at his side. 
 Of this I will tell none but you, sweet 
 book, so listen — 
 
 On came my father, with his straight, 
 erect bearing, and light springy step. 
 His silvery hair brushed off his temples 
 and laying soft, but unruffled on his 
 brow. I thought him somewhat pale, 
 with a dreamy expression. Then in a 
 moment he was with us; but no word 
 did he say, only a little sigh escaped his 
 lips as he sat down beside me, — with the 
 shadow in between. 
 
 Ah me ! can I tell even you, my rose 
 leaves, that this vapor-shadow had, in 
 my eyes, taken the form of my own 
 precious mother, as I was taught to know 
 her. I felt no fear, but my hands grew 
 cold and trembled, all unlike ever before. 
 135 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 The sun dropped and crept away, and 
 the gold, with rose and gray tinted the 
 sunset clouds. Still the vapor shadow 
 remained, and a silence was with us that 
 seemed to soften, almost to still, our 
 hearts. Then had come the purple 
 light my mother loved in her living 
 days, and too with it her sweet voice, 
 and it spoke thus to my heart, little 
 book: 
 
 "Ah! Mary Elizabeth, my little child, 
 you are indeed blessed and thus you will 
 be for many, many years; though one 
 will soon go from you, go to come to 
 me. Grieve not when the time comes 
 for the passing as it will be my joy, my 
 resurrection, and his. 
 
 "You have done much, all that one 
 could to fill another's place, — and it is 
 recorded. But only the briefest time 
 136 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 will all be as today with you. After the 
 passing I, your mother, may not be 
 able to come to you, as then our lives — 
 your father's and mine — will have just 
 begun in the purple light of the far 
 beyond. 
 
 "And in time, if your path grows 
 steep and rough, little one, keep to the 
 center and look up while asking your 
 heart for guidance: it will never fail to 
 point you to the simple right as long as 
 you remember my teachings. And my 
 teachings are now yours, you are in my 
 place, you are a mother, you have been 
 given the holy office of teaching a little 
 child, to guide its little feet in the path 
 of right. Ah! Mary Elizabeth, be true 
 to your father and mother, be true to 
 yourself, and remember the simple 
 right." 
 
 137 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 As my mother uttered the last, the 
 voice and vapor shadow floated away. 
 The purple light faded and a gray mist 
 came of a sudden, and enveloped the land. 
 
 All had been so thoughtful, so quiet; 
 we did not notice the changing until my 
 mother tree sent down an acorn, and it 
 fell upon the little elf, who laid sleep- 
 ing in its father's arms, — as another 
 little child, so long ago. 
 
 My little elf stirred, then cried out, 
 thus we were brought from our dreams. 
 And my father, O my dear father, called 
 out: 
 
 " Arise and to the house, my children, 
 the night has fallen." 
 
 138 
 
Legend of the Guiding Oak 
 
 ANOTHER year has gone and my rose 
 leaves not touched in that time; 
 but today I must tell you my last. Not 
 in grief, not in sorrow did I lay my dear 
 father away, — ah me! not with my 
 mother's words imprinted in my 
 thoughts could I be so selfish as to wish 
 him with me. 
 
 And I, I have so much, I have my 
 other self and our little elf, he took his 
 first step today and can lisp his dear 
 father's name. Ah my babe, my little 
 one, I must watch that I do not fail in 
 my care of you. There I hear you now, 
 you want mother, so my sweet pretty 
 book, my sweet rose leaves, you I lay 
 aside as I belong to him. But you I 
 will keep, keep and treasure, as between 
 your covers my mother's spirit, with the 
 sweet memory of my dear father's love, 
 139 
 
My Dream Life 
 
 rest upon your leaves. Then too the 
 mysteries of the little vine and the 
 Guiding Oak, — my mother tree. 
 
 Ah yes, you are indeed dear to me. 
 
 Thus I close you tenderly, and lay 
 you away, and now it is adieu, adieu my 
 pretty book, tonight and forever more. 
 
Thus, in my Twilight Study, 
 I dreamed of Life, Life of the Dawn, 
 Life of the Dusk. 
 
 Bel-Air, 1910-1914 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 018 604 840 4 @