Class T fid CIS 
 
 Book .H3^^ 
 
 \ °l 
 
Tne Ruby Kihg 
 
 conePY w one act 
 
 BY 
 
 ANITA VIVANTI CHARTRES 
 
 
 1900 
 

 39709 
 
 Librki y »f Congrew 
 
 hwu Cunts Received 
 AUG2S 1900 
 
 Copyright »ntry 
 
 AUG 23 1900 
 
 ,...a,zw.€ 
 
 SECOND COPY. 
 
 Dfliv«r»(1 tc 
 
 OfJDER DIVISION, 
 SE p 5 1900 
 
 COPYRIGHT, igoo, 
 By ANITA VIVANTI CHARTRES 
 
 
THE RUBY RING 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 Tom Carrington, 
 
 Grace Carrington, his wife. 
 
 FlFlNE La CORDERIE, a French girl. 
 
 Reginald- Wilkins, an Englishman. 
 
 Jacob Rosenstein, a jeweler. 
 
 Servant. 
 
 ( The curtain rises discovering Tom put- 
 ting on liis overcoat and getting ready to 
 go out. He goes across stage with his hat 
 at the back of his head, opens door L. 
 andtalks to someone inside.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, ta-ta, Gracie, (lighting his cigar). I shall 
 be back at seven. Eh? No! No, I don't think I 
 shall come in for tea. I — I don't care much for tea, 
 anyway. Bad for my nerves, you know. 
 
 ( Turns away smiling, with hand on the 
 door.) 
 
 Don't mope, there's a dear girl. 
 
 (Closes door and turns to go, whistling.) 
 (Enter Fifine, very chic, very French, 
 very dashingly dressed. Hurries in 
 through M. entrance and almost falls into 
 Tom's arms. She rattles off her speeches 
 volubly, with the Freneh "r" pronounced 
 in her throat.) 
 
2 
 
 FlFlNE. 
 
 Oh! (In French.) Pardon! Pardon! Yon are 
 Mr. Carrington, no? Grade's husband! How is 
 Gracie? You are quite nice looking. I am so glad 
 for Grade? Ah! Gracie was so good, so dear. An 
 angel! In school — we were at school together — I am 
 Fifine La Corderie— {very guttural r's. ) 
 
 Tom. 
 Delighted. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 ( With suecftii/g curtsey.) 
 
 Thank you. In school we used to call Gracie 
 "Grracious Goodness" for short. 
 
 Tom. 
 
 For short? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Well, not for short, but because she was so 
 good — so good. 
 
 Tom. 
 
 She is still (i?nitating her) so good. 
 Fifine. 
 
 {Clasping' her hands.) 
 
 What? Married, and still — still "Gracious Good- 
 ness!" Ah, that is a mistake on her part — or (glanc- 
 ing slyly at him) on yours! You are going out? 
 Good-by. Let me see Gracie. 
 
Tom. 
 
 (Crosses back to door L. opening door.) 
 
 My dear, here is a young lady — Miss Laer-r-r- 
 something — to see you. She says she was at school 
 with you. 
 
 (Enter Grace slowly. She is dressed in 
 white, with soft, parted hair and gentle 
 expression.) 
 
 FlFlNE. 
 Grracie!! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 Fifine! Dear! I am so glad to see you. 
 
 (Fifine flings herself into Grace's arms 
 and hisses her wildly three or four times.) 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 I have just come back from Brussels. Ah, 
 Br-r-ussels! It is even worse than Paris! [Clasp- 
 ing her hands^ Ah, much worse! Much nicer!! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 (Laughing.) 
 You must tell me all about it. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 (Excitedly .) 
 No! You must tell 
 
 (Suddenly remembers Tom and turns to 
 him.) 
 
 Ah, so sorry you cannot stay. You insist upon 
 going? Desolated! Good-by. 
 
 (Extends her hand.) 
 
So sorry if I never see you again. Desolated! 
 
 {To Grace, in loud aside so as to be 
 heard by Tom.) 
 
 Beautiful eyes he has! 
 
 Tom. 
 But surely you will stay and take tea here. 
 
 FlFlNE. 
 
 {To Grace.') 
 If I may. 
 
 {To Tom?) 
 
 But do you come home for tea? 
 
 Tom. 
 
 Oh — oh — yes. I — I like tea. It is good for my 
 nerves, you know. Yes. I shall be back to tea. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Astonished.) 
 Oh, Tom! Really? 
 
 Tom. 
 Why, yes. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 Oh! I am so glad. 
 
 Fifine. 
 {Quickly aside to Grace.) 
 Don't do that. Bad for him. 
 
 {To Tom curtseying.) 
 Au revoir. 
 
5 
 
 Tom. 
 Au revoir. 
 
 (Grace presses his hand. Exit Tom.) 
 
 FlFINE. 
 Why did you say, "Oh, so glad?" 
 
 Grace. 
 Because I was. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 All the more reason for not saying so. 
 
 {Sits down, taking off her hat, puffing 
 up her hair, putting- her feet on a stool 
 and fluffing her skirts around her.) 
 
 Now tell me all about it. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Sitting' near her.) 
 About what? 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 About honeymoons, and husbands, and wedding 
 tours. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 Oh, of course. {Hesitating.) We went to Lon- 
 don and Paris. And we crossed on the Majestic. 
 And — and — London is a very large city 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 {Leaning- back and closing her eyes.) 
 
 Wake me up when you've finished with the geo- 
 gr-r-aphical part. 
 
Grace. 
 Well, what am I to tell you? 
 
 FlFINE. 
 The honeymoon part. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 ( Sen ten tio u s ly . ) 
 
 There's nothing to it. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 Not? {Nodding her head) I thought as much. 
 And aren't you happy? (Grace shakes her head.) 
 Not at all? Not with his eyes so beautiful! And 
 that lovely trousseau that you had — those dreams of 
 dresses? You are not happy? 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Bursting into tears.) 
 
 I am miserable. It is all wrong, all wretched! 
 I wish I were at school, I wish I had never married, 
 I wish we were all dead. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 {Solemnly, looking at her.) 
 I am desolated. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 He is cruel and heartless. He came home alter 
 half -past seven yesterday evening, (weeping) and the 
 dinner was horrid. And my hair was out of curl, 
 I had cried so and washed my face so often. And I 
 resolved that I would be a stranger to him, and he 
 never even noticed it. And he (sobbing) ate a huge 
 
dinner! Boohoo! And he only kissed my cheek when 
 he went out this morning; and he only turned round 
 four times to look up at the window, and NOT (with 
 a great burst of tears) when he got to the corner! 
 
 FlFINE. 
 The brrute! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 What shall I do? What shall I do? 
 
 FlFINE. 
 You must leave him forever. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 ( Weeping . ) 
 But I love him so. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 (Horrified.) 
 
 Does he know it? Have you told him so? 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Eagerly.) 
 
 No! (Pause.) Not since lunch. 
 
 (Fifine takes out her -watch. Grace con- 
 tinues shamefacedly.) 
 
 We lunch at one. It's almost half-past two now. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 But you told him this morning? (Grace nods.) 
 And yesterday? And always — you are always tell- 
 ing him that you love him! 
 
8 
 Grace. 
 
 {Desperately.') 
 Yes, I am. 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 What makes you do it? Do you want to drive 
 him from you? 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Sitting on footstool at Fifink's /<?£/.) 
 
 Oh Fifine, I want to be a model wife to him. 
 I am gentle, I am sweet tempered, I am loving - , I am 
 economical. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Ah! Fatal! Fatal! 
 
 Grace. 
 I try to be always the same to him. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 ( Exclaim ing. ) 
 
 You miserrable creature! A man never wants 
 the same. You must be different every time he sees 
 you. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 (Continuing.} 
 
 I mend things for him 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 (Starting up and catching her by the 
 wrist. In horrified whisper,) 
 
 His vsocks? Have you mended his socks? Has 
 he seen you do it? (Grace nods.) Then he has al- 
 ready betrayed you! 
 
Grace. 
 
 (With a cry.) 
 
 ' No! 
 
 FlFlNE. 
 
 He must have. They always do. (Gravely and 
 sententiously :) No wife that lets her husband see 
 her mending - his socks can keep that husband faithful. 
 Have you looked through his pockets? 
 
 Grace. 
 Not all of them. 
 
 Fifine. 
 That overcoat? 
 
 (Points to hall where overcoat hangs.) 
 
 Grace. 
 
 (Nodding.) 
 
 Yes. 
 
 His dress suit? 
 
 No. 
 
 Fifine. 
 Grace. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 (Excited. ) 
 When did he have it on? 
 Grace. 
 
 (Also excited.) 
 Last night. Oh dear! 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Go. Fetch it. We will look. Poor Gracie! 
 
 Ah, these Anglo-Saxon wifes 
 
 (Grace goes. Fifine follows her and 
 talks to the door.) 
 
10 
 
 who still believe in being good to their husbands. 
 When I marry 7?-reginald, I shall manage him in 
 French, not in English. I shall be st-r-range, I 
 shall be unwholesome, I shall be unexpected, I shall 
 be impossible! Ah, 7?-reginald! 
 
 {Re-enter Grace with dress suit.') 
 
 Grace. 
 If I find anything I shall die! 
 
 FlFlNE. 
 Let me see. 
 
 {They sit on the floor and go hurriedly 
 through the pockets. They take out a 
 pair of gloves and a silk handkerchief, 
 which Fifine sniffs at.) 
 
 Grace. 
 
 ( With a shriek, holding a piece of paper 
 crushed in her hand.) 
 
 Ah!! I have found something. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Give it to me. I will read it. Hold my hand. 
 [Opens paper carefully) Ah! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Hysterically.) 
 What is it? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 {Sepulchrally reading. ) 
 
 "My dear boy — " vulgar creature! They always 
 call men their dear boys, 
 
11 
 
 Grace. 
 Who is it? Give it to me. 
 
 {Grasps it and reads.) 
 
 " Do not ask me this month for any more money." 
 It's all right. It's from his father. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 But only think from whom it might have been. 
 You are too trusting, too 
 
 {She stops and reads a piece of paper. 
 Her eyes dilate.) 
 
 Ah, here it is! Here is the proof. (Reads.) 
 
 r r r 
 
 "Huitres — bisque d'ecrevisse — homard " 
 
 Grace. 
 What is that? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 A bill of fare! A French bill of fare! Two 
 portions of everything! And such things! Martini 
 cocktails, caviare, oysters, foie gras, devilled lobster — 
 my dear, do not tell me that that is a moral bill of 
 fare! And Clicquot — two bottles! Oh, Gracie! 
 Poor Gracie! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 How infamous! How disgraceful! But, Fifine 
 — he might have been with a — another man. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Oh, Gracie, what nonsense! Why, there is the 
 grreatest difference between men's and women's 
 bills of fare. Now look at this. Martini cocktails, 
 caviare, (Crescendo), foie gras, devilled lobster 
 
12 
 
 {Hitting her finger on the ca?~d.) 
 
 there was a woman here, I tell you, a woman. 
 (Pauses.) And probably a blonde. 
 
 Grace. 
 Oh, Fifine! Oh, Fifine! 
 
 FlFINE. 
 {Consulting card.) 
 
 It was in Paris! You know the things that 
 Americans and English do in Paris! When was he 
 in Paris? 
 
 Grace. 
 
 ( Despairingly.) 
 
 On our wedding tour. Never before nor after. 
 (Wildly.) Fifine! You do not think that then — 
 then he was taking creatures, blonde creatures, to 
 dinner? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Yes. It was then. Here you have the proof. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 Infamous! Disgraceful! 
 
 Fifine. 
 I am desolated. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 But what ought I to do? What ought I to do? 
 
 Fifine. 
 {Dramatically. ) 
 
 You must win him back. 
 
13 
 
 Grace. 
 {Perplexed. ) 
 Must I? Doesn't it seem rather soon? We've 
 only been married four months. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 My dear, you see (pointing to bill of fare) a wo- 
 man must sometimes begin winning; a husband back 
 before they've been married four days. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 But how am I to do it? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Scare him, startle him, surprise him. Make him 
 anxious, make him jealous, make him miserable. 
 Why, with 7?-reginald, I am always doing things- 
 taking poison; being shot at by a frenzied lover; hav- 
 ing diamond rings sent to me by passionate suitors — 
 and I am not married to him yet! 
 
 Grace. 
 Perhaps you never will be. 
 
 Fifine. — (Continuing.) 
 
 And i?-reginald adores me. He trrembles al- 
 ways and always wonders what next. And he is 
 beautiful and languid and English— oh so be-autifully 
 
 English! 
 
 {Imitates zvalk and tired expression.) 
 
 Grace. 
 
 But what shall /do? I am afraid of poison, and 
 nobody will shoot me, and 
 
14 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 You only pretend about the poison. You write 
 a letter to Tom, and leave an empty arsenic bottle 
 around, and powder your face in a darkened room. 
 As for the shooting, you cut a hole through the sleeve 
 of an old waist and burn the edges a little, and you 
 put a little piece of mustard plaster on your arm 
 where the bullet grrazed past you; and you rrefuse 
 to divulge the man's name! 
 
 {Attitude.) 
 
 That is very Frrench, verry exciting. 
 
 Grace. 
 I can't do it, Fifine. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Then do the jewelry business. Get a man to 
 send you a priceless gem. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 I don't know a soul that would do such a thing. 
 Men don't. 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 No. Not easily. But you go to a jeweler; you 
 select your ring; you take it onapprroval. You send 
 it to yourself with a note and a bunch of flowers; 
 then your husband makes scene of jealousy; you win 
 him back; and you return ring to jeweller who re- 
 funds you the money. — Ha! 
 
 Grace. 
 Oh! That's lovely! I'll do it to-morrow. 
 
15 
 
 FlFINE. 
 
 Do it now. I know a jeweler down the street. 
 I'll go and choose the ring for you. You're not 
 dressed. 
 
 Grace. 
 
 Oh, you darling! Run along. 
 
 {Goes to desk and gets purse. Opens and 
 counts money.') 
 
 Here. I have fifty — sixty— sixty-two dollars. Get 
 me a stunner for sixty; and two dollars for the flow- 
 ers. {Clapping her hands) Go on! Poor Tom! 
 
 (/Is Fifine turns to take her pockelbook 
 from table.') 
 
 Run along — never mind. Take my purse. 
 
 {Hurries Fifine out, zv ho goes, laughing.) 
 
 Grace. 
 
 {Alone.) 
 
 What fun! What fun! Howl like the idea of 
 winning him back! If only all wives would take the 
 trouble to win their husbands back, what a peaceful 
 place the world would be! 
 
 {Sees Fifink's purse on the table. Takes 
 
 it up.) 
 
 She's forgotten her purse. How fat it is. Love 
 
 letters I suppose. 
 
 {Takes out scraps of paper and reads.) 
 
 "Cucumber, milk and lemon. Rub on at night to 
 prevent wrinkles." "Hair wash: to impart golden 
 lustre and fashionable reddish tint" — Oh! 
 
 {Puts it in the bosom of her dress. Draws 
 visiting card from purse. Reading.) 
 
16 
 
 "Mr. R. B. Wilkins, Madison Square." That's 
 
 close by. 
 
 {Opening another piece of paper.') 
 
 "To impart passionate glow to eyes, annoint 
 eyelids with — " Oh! this might help me to win him 
 back. I'll copy it. 
 
 (Sits dozvn to write. Hears voices and 
 hurriedly puts paper back in the purse. 
 The visiting card falls out on the foor 
 and remains there. Enter Fifine with 
 Rosenstein.) 
 
 Gracf. 
 
 What! Back already? 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Dear, this is Mr. Rosenstein. He has brought a 
 ring to show you. He would not let me have it for 
 sixty dollars. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 (With Jewish accent and gestures, and a 
 rolling "r.") 
 
 Ach, Lady, I haf heRe a Ring, a vahnderful Ruby 
 Ring. {Hands her a case.) Tree hahndreddahlars! 
 Vahnderful Ring! 
 
 Grace. 
 
 But I haven't got 
 
 Fifine. 
 
 Nonsense. Mr. 7?osenstein, you said two hun- 
 dred and fifty in the store; and you meant two; and 
 you'd take a hundred and fifty, and we're going to 
 give you a hundred: And you'll take sixty on ac- 
 count. 
 
17 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Ach! Vaht a vahnderrful calculator! Vaht a 
 beesiness voman! Vaht I gif to haf such a beesiness 
 voman in my beesiness! 
 
 FIFINE, 
 
 Well, you leave us the ring. Here are sixty dol- 
 lars on account, and you shall have the rest to-morrow 
 or the ring back. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Ach, but that vahnderful R-ruby R-ring— I calm 
 not— that R-ruby R-ring is vorth 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 That rruby rr'mg is going to stay here, and you 
 give us a receipt. ( Writes.) 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 (To Grace.) 
 
 That R-roooby alone is vorth two hahndrred 
 
 dahlars! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Innocently.') 
 
 Is it? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 (Having written.} 
 Here. ' deceived of Mrs. Carrington sixty dol- 
 lars on account for ruby ring." Sign it. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Ach, but the R-roooby alone 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Nonsense, nonsense. Sign it. 
 
18 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Sighing ) 
 
 Ach! Vaht a beesiness voman! Vaht she make 
 ine do! And if you change your mind I R-risk lose a 
 sale! 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Good-bye, good-bye, Mr. Rosenstein. 
 {Hurries him out.) 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 But if I lose a sale! 
 
 {Exit. ) 
 GRACE. 
 
 What a joke! I feel so excited. Now, what do 
 I do next? It's four o'clock. Tom will be back 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Starting.) 
 
 Four o'clock! What! And I have an appoint- 
 ment with 7?reginald at three thirty! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 But, my dear, you said you'd stay to tea. 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Excitedly.) 
 
 I forgot the appointment! I forgot 7?reginald! 
 Ah, how could I! 
 
 {Puts on her gloves hurriedly.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 But what shall I do about the ruby ring? 
 
 {Bell rings violently. Grace starts.) 
 Who's that? 
 
19 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Going towards M. E.) 
 
 It's the boy with the flowers. I ordered them at 
 the corner as I came along. 
 
 {Takes jlozvers from someone off, and 
 comes dozen stage again.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 How you do think of everything! But what am 
 I to do now? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Embracing her.) 
 
 If you love me, you let me go to TtVeginald. He 
 was to meet me at Sector's. I am sure he has given 
 
 me up 
 
 {She powders her face rapidly with pock- 
 
 et-pnff while she speaks.) 
 
 and I have missed him and he will be heartbroken. 
 If he has gone, I shall come back to you for tea. 
 
 GRACE. 
 ( Trying to detain her.) 
 
 But how shall I—? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Hurriedly.} 
 
 You write your love letter to yourself. And don't 
 be afraid about making it passionate. Good-by, 
 
 dear. 
 
 {Kisses her at the door.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh, Fifine! I don't know what to say. 
 
20 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Say: "My adorred Grracie: — This little rruby 
 rring is only a wrretched token — " that kind of 
 thing. Ta! Ta! 
 
 {Runs off.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh dear, oh dear! 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Running back.) 
 
 And don't use your own letter paper. 
 {Exit, laughing.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Alone. Looking round her.) 
 
 Well, here I am with my flowers and my jewels. 
 In for a penny 
 
 {Takes pen and paper from desk and brings 
 them to the table, front. ) 
 
 in for a pound. 
 
 {Picks up visiting card from the floor as she 
 passes and looks at it carelessly.) 
 
 This R. B. Wilkins again. I've stolen him from 
 Fifine. I don't suppose she'll miss him. 
 
 {Tosses the card aside and sits down to 
 write.) 
 
 I'll use this pad. Now then, what did she say? 
 
 {Imitating Fifine's throaty "r's.") 
 
 "My adorred Grracie." What nonsense! I am 
 ashamed to write it. And I must disguise my hand- 
 writing. 
 
 {Busi?iess. Finally writes standing up, 
 twisting herself half round the table.) 
 
21 
 
 "My adored Grade." Now what? (Writing.) 
 "This little ruby ring— " Oh! What rubbish! I'm 
 not going to do it. There! I won't. If I can't win 
 Tom back without such— Who's that? 
 
 (Crumples the paper tip and hides it in 
 guilty haste as Tom enters.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Coming in cheerfully.) 
 Well? Tea ready? (Surprised.) Why, where's 
 Mademoiselle Crrrl Not gone? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Nervously.) 
 Yes— no— she's coming back— she's gone out— 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Why, I thought she'd stay to tea. 
 
 GRACE. 
 (Getting rid of the paper and talking 
 lightly.) 
 She couldn't. She remembered an appointment 
 and she 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Taking up the flowers.) 
 
 Who sent these? -Pretty. 
 
 (Smells them.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Aside.) 
 
 Oh, I shall never dare to do it! 
 
 (To Tom, Stammering.) 
 They're— they — they belong to Fifine. 
 
22 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Do the) r ? I didn't see her bring them in. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Hurriedly. ) 
 
 No. She sent for them. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Did she? What for? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 To — to — to take with her. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, why did she leave them here? 
 
 {Looks at Grace, zvho stares at him with a 
 bewildered face. ) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 ( With a forced smile. ) 
 
 She bought them for me. She's — She's always 
 so thoughtful. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What's the matter, Gracie? 
 
 GRACE. 
 {Exaggeratedly unconcerned.} 
 
 Nothing. Nothing at all. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 - What are you telling me fibs for? 
 
 GRACE. 
 {Indignant?) 
 
 Oh — oh, Tom! Fibs!! How can you? 
 
23 
 
 (Tom has been staring -at the jewel case on 
 the table. Grace follows his glance with 
 agitated gaze. She tries to sit up on the 
 table and hide it from him.) 
 
 How — how can you accuse me of 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What's that you are trying to hide? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Hide? I? 
 
 TOM. 
 (Putting out his hand to take the box.) 
 Yes. You. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Bewildered, clutching at the box.) 
 
 No! Don't! I'm not ready yet — I mean — it's noth- 
 ing really — it's 
 
 (Tom takes box from her and opens it.) 
 TOM. 
 
 The deuce! Where does this come from? Is it 
 Fifine's? 
 
 GRACE. 
 (Eagerly and earnestly.) 
 
 No! 
 
 
 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Oh! Wh 
 
 ose 
 
 is 
 
 it? 
 
 Yours? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Yes. 
 
 
 
 
 ( Sin i ling pa infu 11 y . ) 
 
 New? 
 
 
 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Yes. 
 
 
 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Tom opens his eyes.) 
 No! No, no! You know — why — I — no! I've 
 always had it — always! .' 
 
24 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Grace! What are you telling me lies for? Did 
 you buy the thing? 
 
 grace. 
 
 {Earnestly.) 
 No! No. I didn't buy it. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 I didn't suppose so. ( Very quietly.) Who gave 
 it to you? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Aside. ) 
 
 Oh, I shall never do it. I shall never daresay it. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What's that? You'll never "dare?" Eh? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 I — I don't know anything about the ring. I — 
 there! I never saw it before. I don't know whose 
 it is. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Nor the flowers? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Nor the flowers. You don't suppose {pointing 
 to her tea gown) I went out and got them, do you? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Very ster?i.) 
 
 I do not. What I want to know is where did you 
 get them from? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 I — I assure you — I — I — 
 
25 
 
 TOM. 
 ( Who has picked up the visiting card.') 
 
 Mr.— R.— B— Wilkins? Who's he? 
 
 {Looks tip at her with stern gaze.) 
 GRACE. 
 
 I — I don't know. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Oh! You don't know? Mr. R. B. Wilkins's 
 card is here with some jewelry and flowers, and you 
 say you don't know him. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 ( In gleeful and astonished ', aside.) 
 
 Why! I'm doing it! I'm doing it without know- 
 ing it! This is all right. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 I want an explanation, do you hear? Who is 
 this Wilkins and how does he dare to send you a 
 ruby ring? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh, don't Tom! Don't! You frighten me. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Answer me, Madam. Where have you met this 
 man? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Nowhere! Nowhere! I dont know him. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Sarcastically. ) 
 
 Oh! You don't know him! I suppose you will 
 admit that you have seen him? 
 
26 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Y-ye-es. I've seen him. I've just seen Him. 
 (Aside.) I must admit this if I'm to do it at all. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Ah! You've seen him. How often? 
 
 GRACE. 
 ( Trembling.} 
 
 Just once or twice. 
 
 TOM. 
 {Blandly. ) 
 Ah! Just once or twice! 
 
 grace. 
 {Aside. ) 
 I am winning him back. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Roaring.} 
 And how, Madam 
 
 (Grace starts.) 
 
 do you account for your conduct in allowing a man 
 whom you have seen once or twice to make you pres- 
 ents of jewelry? Has he been to this house? 
 
 grace. 
 
 {Falling on her knees.) 
 
 No! I swear it! Oh, Tom! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Where have you met him? When did you speak 
 to him? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Never! I have never spoken to him. I — I — 
 
27 
 
 TOM. 
 
 And you want me to believe that a man who has 
 just happened to see you — where did he see you? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 I — I don't know. Out — just — at the window — in 
 the street — when he was passing. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 You've been carrying on a vulgar flirtation from 
 the window. Is that it? 
 
 • GRACE. 
 
 Oh, forgive me, Tom! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Somewhat mollified.*) 
 
 Well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. As 
 for Mr. Wilkins, of {reading) 23 Madison Square, 
 I'll go and hunt him up and tell him what I think of 
 him. 
 
 {Puts his hatid to his pistol pocket. ) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Shrieking.) 
 
 No! Tom! Don't! You mustn't! It isn't his 
 fault! It's me! It's all me! He knows nothing. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Desperately.) 
 
 No! He doesn't know me! He doesn't know 
 who I am. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Do you mean to say that he doesn't know you 
 are my wife? 
 
28 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Wildly.) 
 
 No! No! He doesn't. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, in that case the sooner he finds it out the 
 better. 
 
 ( Takes ring and tears a piece of paper 
 off pad. Wrapping tip the ring.) 
 
 Bring me a card. 
 
 GRACE. 
 What card? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Your card. (Severely.) Mrs. Thomas Carring- 
 ton's card. As for you, Madam, I shall have to deal 
 with you later on. 
 
 (Wraps the flozvers up angrily in large 
 paper. ) 
 
 GRACE. 
 ( Who has brought a card from her desk.) 
 What are you going to do? 
 
 TOM. 
 (Icily.) 
 I am going to send the things back to him. 
 
 GRACE. 
 Oh, don't do that! Tom! Let me tell you 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Not a word. Not ia word until these damned 
 things have been returned. Then according to what 
 
29 
 
 you tell me, I will or will not break the man's head 
 
 besides. 
 
 (Rises, rings bell and goes to M. E.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Run n ing after h im . ) 
 But, Tom! You mustn't do that, you mustn't 
 
 send 
 
 (Enter servant.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (To Grace.) 
 Silence! Barnes, take this to Mr. Wilkins, 23 
 Madison Square. Just round the corner. No answer. 
 Leave it and come away. 
 
 (Exit servant.) 
 GRACE. 
 ( Wringing her hands.) 
 Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What shall I do? What 
 
 shall I do? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Patting his hands in his pockets and 
 leaning against the mantelpiece.) 
 
 Now I am ready to hear your explanation. 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh dear! Get those things back! Oh, how shall I 
 tell you? Well, it was this morning — oh dear! — it 
 
 was Fifine 
 
 (Fifine enters, rustling.) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 What about Fifine? Did you think I should not 
 come back? My dearr! (To GRACE.) I missed 
 
30 
 
 ivVeginald! I thought I had trrained him prroperr- 
 ly to wait for me at least one hour or two, and after 
 forrty minutes off he goes! Ah, he needs trraining. 
 
 {Looking at them both.') 
 What's the matter? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Solemnly .) 
 
 Nothing at all, Madam. Nothing. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (ylsFiFiNE turns interrogatively to her.) 
 
 Oh nothing 
 
 {Blinks and winks at her. Fifine makes 
 gesture to her finger. Grace nods. Fi- 
 fine laughs softly, and nods encourage- 
 ment to Grace.) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 What about tea? Didn't you offer me some tea? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Yes. Yes, certainly. Tom would you mind tell- 
 ing Hobbs to serve tea in the drawing-room? I have 
 such a headache you must excuse me, Fifine. I shall 
 
 lie down a little 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Why, of course, my poor little darkling. 
 
 {Puts her arm round her. Tom has gone 
 out ill h u m o redly . ) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Rapidly to Fifine.) 
 Oh, I must tell you. Something dreadful has 
 happened. Just think! Tom found 
 
PlFlNE. 
 ( Who has seen Tom re-enter. ) 
 
 No, dear, don't do it. Don't take bronio-seltzer. 
 Just rest a little quietly in here. Mr. Carrington 
 will enterrtain me, and I will give him his tea. 
 (Loud aside to Grace.) Such beautiful eyes he has! 
 ( To Tom.) I will give you much cream, much sugarr, 
 and much, much taffy. (Taking his arm.) Now 
 don't tell me that men don't like sweet things. They 
 like me! And am I not a sweet thing? ( Turning at 
 the door to GRACE.) I'll take carre of him Grracie. 
 
 {Breaks aw ax from Tom, and running 
 down to Grace whispers something in her 
 ear, white she pretends to smooth a -pillow 
 under her head.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Watching them angrily.) 
 
 What are those two little devils hatching and 
 plotting now, I wonder? 
 
 PIFINE. 
 
 (7b Grace, looking round at Tom.) 
 
 You are winning him back, dear! 
 
 (Grace sighs. Fifine runs back to Tom 
 and they go out together.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Alone.) 
 
 What shall I do? How am I to get that ring 
 back? What will this dreadful Mr. Wilkins think 
 of "Mrs. Thomas Carrington," who sends him jew- 
 
32 
 
 elry and flowers? And who — oh, who is Mr. Wil- 
 kins? I must ask Fifine. 
 
 {Rises. Is interrupted by a servant en- 
 tering.} 
 
 SERVANT. 
 Mr. Wilkins, Ma'am. 
 
 GRACE. 
 Oh! 
 
 SERVANT. 
 Are you at home, Ma'am? 
 
 {Excitedly.} 
 Yes! Yes! I'm at home. 
 
 {Exit Servant. Enter Wilkins. He 
 wears an eyeglass and gazes with deep 
 feeling at Grace. He says everything 
 with languor, but repressed feeling. He is 
 pronouncedly and affectedly English in 
 his accent.) 
 
 WIEKINS. 
 
 Madam- 
 
 GRACE. 
 ( Very timidly.) 
 
 Mr. — Mr. Wilkins, (with nervous hurry) I am 
 glad you have come. 
 
 wilkins. 
 
 Weally? Are you? {Steps forward.) Are you? 
 
 Weally? 
 
 {Takes her hand.) 
 
33 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Y-yes, thank you. I — I have so much to tell 
 you. I don't know how to begin. You are really 
 Mr. Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Oh ! call me Weggie! Call me Weggie, my deah! 
 
 ' GRACE. 
 What? 
 
 WILKINS. 
 {Tenderly.') 
 
 Never mind. Don't huwwy. There's no huwwy. 
 
 {Sits down close beside her and looks 
 meltingly at her face.) 
 
 Let me help you to tell me all. I understand 
 you. It was my last volume of poems, was it not? 
 "The Lauwel and the Wose" — it was that that 
 bwought your heart to me? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 I — I — no — I didn't read the poems. 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Ah! Then you were at my last lecture: "On the 
 Fastidiousness of Beauty and the Beauty of Fas- 
 tidiousness?" I knew that I was penetwating the 
 sensitive soul of woman that day! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 No, it wasn't that. It was 
 
 {Stops.) 
 
34 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 {Coming nearer, still.) 
 
 What? Tell me, faiwest one, what led you to 
 send me those unmistakable tokens of affection which 
 I tweasure heah! 
 
 {Unbuttons his coat and displays Jlowers.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh dear! Dear! 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Do not be distwessed. I understand you so well! 
 
 {Pauses, twirling his moustache and gaz- 
 ing at her with a fatuous smile.) 
 
 These things aw always happening to me! Al- 
 ways. 
 
 GRACE. 
 {Aside.) 
 Oh, the dreadful creature! 
 WILKINS. 
 
 I had just weturned fwom Wector's, where I had 
 an appointment with a charming little girl. Fwench, 
 you know — all fwivol and fwills. But, (languidly) 
 I happened to be an hour or so late, and so she had left 
 — bwoken-hearted, you know. Onecahn't weally keep 
 up with them all. But you, my deah, you are excep- 
 tionally delightful with your delicate attentions. 
 The wuby wing is charming. I shall keep it. I shall 
 tweasure it. I shall wear it day and night. 
 
 ( Takes her hand. ) 
 
35 
 
 GRACE. 
 Oh! I must explain! It's all a mistake! 
 
 {Rises excitedly .) 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Yes. I know. I know. They always say that. 
 It's all wight. (Gazing at her) 'Pon my word, 
 you're a wipping little cweature — wipping! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Sir! I must tell you — my husband 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Yes. I know. I know. You needn't explain. 
 Husband — howwid old bwute — neglects charming 
 young wife. Young wife hears of me — sees me — 
 sends me a wose and a wuby wing 
 
 ( Tenderly puts his arm about her.) 
 
 and now feels shy about it, that's all. That's all 
 wight. Don't explain. There's no huwwy. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Bursting' with indignation.) 
 
 It's nothing of the sort. I meant nothing. 
 (Bursting into tears.) I hate you! I've never seen 
 you before. And I never want to see you again. 
 (Sobbing.) And I want the ring back, and I want 
 you to go away. 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Come, (soothing her and patting her hand) 
 come. {Aside.) Hystewics! Don't be fluwwied. / 
 understand you. It's all wight. I'll weturn your af- 
 fections, my deah. Don't cwy. 
 
36 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Suddenly breaking away from him and 
 calling out at the top of her voice.*) 
 
 Tom! Tom! 
 
 (WiiyKiNS stands petrified with astonish- 
 ment. ) 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 (Slozvly, to himself.) 
 
 H'm. I'm in for a badgeah game, I pwesume. 
 
 (Tom enters followed by Fifine.) 
 
 TOM. 
 What's up, Grace? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 {Flying past him and flinging herself 
 upon Wilkins.) 
 
 Ah, R Reginald! My AVeginald! What do you 
 here? You have followed me from Rrectorr's? 
 How de'drr you are! Grracie — this is TtVeginald. 
 
 (Grace bows with stony stare of amaze- 
 ment.) 
 
 Mr. Carrington, may I present to you Mr. Veel- 
 keens? 
 
 {Accent on last syllable.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Glad to see you Mr. V'keens. Take a seat. (To 
 Grace). My dear, what made you call out so? 
 
 GRACE. 
 {Bewildered. ) 
 Nothing. Nothing. 
 
37 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 How did you find me, Rreg'mald? The waiter 
 told you, what? I left word with him. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, Mr. V'keens, have a cup of tea with us? 
 
 WILKINS. 
 (Dazed.) 
 Er-er-thank you. I — 
 
 FIFINE. 
 Yes. TcVeginald loves tea. He is so English, 
 he drr'mks nothing but tea. Like all English! 
 
 (Makes a little face and lazighs.) 
 TOM. 
 
 I'll see that tea is brought in for you, 
 (Exit.) 
 FIFINE. 
 
 (To WlLKINS.) 
 
 Ah! I was late at Erector's, poor 7t>eginald! 
 I kept you waiting nearrly an hour! So naughty of 
 me! {Laughs.) And (to Grace) poor TvVeginald is 
 always so punctual. He goes an hour before so as 
 not to miss me. 
 
 (Grace looks scornfully at Wilkins, who 
 
 smiles foolishly. ) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 (fumping up to meet Tom who enters with 
 the servant carrying tea-tray.) 
 
 Ah! You are too good, Mr. Carrington. 
 
 ( They stay in the background ', pouring out 
 tea.) 
 
38 
 
 WILKINS. 
 {To Grace in tender undertone.*) 
 
 Pway, do not let this fwivolous episode bwuise 
 your feelings. It is not sewious. If you love me as 
 ardently as I can read in your eyes that you do, I will 
 be yours fow evah! Fow evah! 
 
 GRACE. 
 Well! Of all the insolent puppies 
 
 (Fifine comes forward with cup of tea 
 which she hands to Wiekins. He sips it 
 with his little finger in the air.) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 {Looking at his finger .) 
 Why, Rreggie — what's that? 
 
 (Wilkins hurriedly puts dozvn his cup.) 
 That — on your finger! 
 
 WILKINS. 
 {Turning the ri?ig around on his finger.) 
 It's — er — it's a little wuby wing. 
 
 FIFINE. 
 A rruby rr'mg? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 A ruby ring? 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 ( Turning round and gazing amorously at 
 Grace.) 
 
 Yes — a wuby wing. 
 
39 
 
 SERVANT. 
 
 {Announcing.) 
 Mr. Rosenstein. 
 
 GRACE. 
 {Aside.) 
 Merciful Heavens! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Who can that be? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Signaling to Grace and replying to Tom.) 
 
 It's no one. It's for me, Mr. Carrington. I — I 
 left word at home where I was going, and now every- 
 one is following me here. I will go outside and 
 
 {Goes quickly towards M. E.) 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Appearing at the door.) 
 
 May I come een? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Htirriedly to Rosenstein.) 
 
 I'll speak to you outside. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {To Rosenstein.) 
 
 By all means. Any friend of — Mademoiselle's — 
 delighted — 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {To Fifine who is trying to urge him out.) 
 No! He says come een. I come een. 
 
 {Bowing to Grace and rxibbing his hands.) 
 Now about that little matter 
 
40 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Bo7ving, without listening to him.} 
 
 Delighted to make your acquaintance, I am sure. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Vaht I vahnted to say 
 
 fifine. 
 
 Sit down. Sit down. 
 
 {Makes him sit in a corner of the sofa, and 
 sits close to him , trying to screen him as 
 much as possible from Tom and Wilkins.) 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Who is near Wilkins, says to him in un- 
 dertone. ) 
 
 Queer looking- fellow! 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 Vewy. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Uneasily to Grace.) 
 
 I haf not much time. Beesiness is beesiness, you 
 know. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Sits down on the other side of him, laugh- 
 ing effusively and rubbing her hands.) 
 
 Yes. Ha! ha! Of course. 
 
 {Pretending to make general conversation.) 
 
 Everyone now-a-days is of your opinion, Mr. 
 Rosenstein. Ha! ha! Lovely weather! You are 
 looking" very well, Mr. Rosenstein. 
 
 (Rosenstein looks bewildered. He turns 
 from Fifine, who is smiling at him on one 
 side, to Grace who is smiling sweetly at 
 him on the other. 
 
41 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 {To himself.*) 
 
 Vaht are these vonians trying to do with me? 
 ( To Grace.) I came to tell you that you must pay 
 me de balance or geef me de ring back, for I — 
 
 grace. 
 Have some tea, Mr. Rosenstein. 
 
 fifine. 
 
 Yes. Do have some nice hot tea — do. 
 
 ( They hurry to the table a?id get him a cup 
 of tea. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Dey vahnt to steal dat ring, dot's vaht! 
 
 (Grace comes up to him with a cup, and 
 Fifine with the sugar bowl. He addresses 
 them loudly.) 
 
 Now about dat Rruby Ring — 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What's that? 
 
 (Grace drops the cup of tea over Rosen- 
 stein's legs.) 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {f limping about in pain.) 
 
 Gott in Himmel! Vaht do you do? 
 
 grace. 
 
 I beg your pardon. Oh, I am so sorry. 
 
 fifine. 
 {Convulsed with laughter.) 
 
 Oh Grracie! {Imitating Rosenstein.) "Vaht 
 do you do?" 
 
42 
 
 TOM. 
 {Apologetically to Rosenstein.) 
 'Pon my word — too bad. 
 
 WILKINS. 
 Vewy sowwy — weally. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Furious.) 
 
 Valit I vahnt to know is about de Rring. (To 
 GRACE.) If you don't keep dat Rring — 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Eh? What ring's that? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I gave dat young lady to-day a Rring — a Rruby 
 
 CT 
 
 & 
 
 (Wilkins listens with wide eyes.) 
 
 Rin 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Oh ! you did, did you? So you're Wilkins, are 
 you? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Eh? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 No, no! What are you mixing up? This (point- 
 ing to Wilkins) is i?reginald. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Very angry, staring at Rosenstein and 
 replying to Fifine.) 
 
 Now, dear Madam, kindly leave this to me. ( To 
 Wilkins.) Mr. V'keens, excuse me. (To Rosen- 
 stein.) So you are Wilkins, eh? 
 
43 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I aint. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, whoever you are, you admit having- given 
 jewelry to this lady — 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 (Furious.) 
 Does she deny it? Does she dare deny it? 
 
 TOM. 
 
 This lady is my wife. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I don't care whose vife she is. She got dot Rring 
 from me — 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Clenching his fist. ) 
 I'll knock you down, Sir. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Screaming and throwing her arms 
 round her husband' 's neck.) 
 
 Tom! Tom! 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Let me explain. 
 
 wilkins. 
 
 ( With upraised hands.) 
 
 Weally — now weally — 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 (Wild 7y pointing to Wilkins' s hand.) 
 
 Dere's de Rring! Dere's my Rruby Rring! On 
 dat man! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Turning to Wilkins.) 
 What? 
 
44 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 jRrregina\d\ What does this mean? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 ( Wildly.) 
 She gif avay iny R-r-ring — 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Turning on Rosenstein.) 
 Now, Mr. Wilkins, hold your tongue, sir. (To 
 Wilkins.) What is this ruffian talking about. 
 
 wilkins. 
 
 I — I — don't know what he's talking about. As 
 for this wing, I — I — wefuse to speak about it. 
 
 {Strikes heroic attitude. ) 
 FIFINE. 
 {Hysterically.') 
 
 Where did you get it, i^reginald? I will know! 
 You must tell me! 
 
 wilkins. 
 
 Well, if you insist upon it, a — a lady, whom I 
 wefuse to name, pwesented it to me. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Excitedly.) 
 What lady was that? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Who was she? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Pointi?ig to Grace.) 
 It was her! You know it was her! 
 
 TOM. 
 {Thunderingly to Rosenstein.) 
 
 Mr. Wilkins, Sir 
 
 Lore 
 
45 
 
 ROSENSTETN. 
 
 I ain't— 
 
 WILKINS. 
 I— I— 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 (Wildly.) 
 
 This, (pointing) this is Veelkeens. It is R Regi- 
 nald. 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 (Covering her face.) 
 Oh dear! Oh dear! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Utterly bewildered.) 
 
 I don't understand anything. What are yov 
 all talking about? From whom did my wife get this 
 ring? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 From me! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (To WlLKINS.) 
 
 Where did you get that ring? 
 
 WILKINS 
 
 From your wife. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Aha! You see? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 (Wildly.) 
 
 /[Veginald!! Oh, 7?reginald! 
 
 WILKINS. 
 
 And I wish women would not persecute me so, 
 with offers of affection which I cannot wequite. 
 
46 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 Oh Gracel You snake! You vipair! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 ( Wildly.) 
 
 What is the meaning of all this? I don't know 
 what I'm talking about, I'm so mixed up. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 (Loudly and indignantly .) 
 
 You mix yourselfs up because you change de 
 stone! Ha! Dat's vaht! You change de stone all 
 of you. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 What's he talking about? (To Grace.) Ami 
 to understand, Madam, that to shield this man (point- 
 ing to RosENSTEIn), this scoundrel, this blackguard, 
 
 this hound — 
 
 ( Wild indignation on the part of RosEN- 
 STEIN.) 
 
 to shield him, I say, from the consequences of my just 
 anger you have allowed me to send that ruby ring to 
 this — this (pointing to Wilkins) conceited ass? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 How dare you, Sir, how dare you? (Bursting 
 into tears.) My TvVeginald! 
 
 GRACE. 
 (In utter despair.) 
 
 If you will allow me to explain — 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 A tief, Madam! You are all tiefs! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 (Roaring .) 
 Silence! 
 
47 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 {Mumbling.) 
 I haf you all arrested. 
 
 grace. 
 
 (Explaining.) 
 
 Well — it was because — it was like this — Fifine 
 said that I (sobbing) ought to win — oooh! — you — back! 
 
 TOM 
 
 What? 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Going up provocatively to Grace.) 
 That was not a reason, Madam, to try and lurre 
 i?reginald away frrom me. 
 
 grace. 
 {Indignant.) 
 
 Pfui! I wouldn't have him if you gave him to 
 me. I think you're crazy. I did nothing of the kind. 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 You did! You know you did. You always were 
 a horrid jealous disposition (in tears) and now be- 
 cause i^reginald loved me and your horrid husband 
 neglected you, you — you (sobbing) tried to get him 
 away from me. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, I never! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 I wouldn't look at the ridiculous idiot! I wouldn't 
 for the world! 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Louder, above the others who are all 
 talk in o together.) 
 
 And if I had liked to flirt with your husband, he 
 would have, only he's so horrid I didn't care to. 
 
He isn't! 
 
 There! He is! 
 
 48 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Slapping Fifine.) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 {Slapping Grace.) 
 
 (Wilkins holds Fifine back, and Tom 
 catches hold of Grace.) 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 This is all a put up jop to steal from me my 
 R-ruby R-ring. I go and get you all arrrested. 
 
 (Moves to the door.) 
 TOM. 
 
 (Going after him.) 
 If you dare! 
 
 (Catches hold of him.) 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I haf you all ar-r-rested for stealing my goods and 
 holding my person vile I miss a sale. ( Wildly, clasp- 
 ing his hands.) Gott in Himmel! I miss a sale! 
 
 TOM. 
 (Shaking him and tearing his coat. ) 
 What are you talking about? What do you want? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I vahnt my R-ring back or de balance of de money 
 — dat's vaht I vahnt. 
 
 grace. 
 Oh, Tom, pay him, if — if this gentleman won't 
 give him back the ring. 
 
 wilkins. 
 Eh! 
 
49 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {To Tom.) 
 It's only forty dollars. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Tree hahndred and feefty dahlars. Not one penny 
 less, or I haf you all arrested — you, Madam, for giv- 
 ing away my goods; you ( To Wilkins) for keeping 
 stolen goods; you (To Tom) for violence to my per- 
 son (showing torn coat); and you (To Fifine) for be- 
 ing a sharp and a crook. Tree hahndred and feefty 
 dahlars! 
 
 fifine. 
 
 {Taking the ring from Wilkin's hand 
 and throwing it on the table.) 
 
 Why, take your old ring! 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 I refuse. I haf missed the sale. And (looking 
 at the ring against the light,) you haf changed de 
 stone. 
 
 FIFINE AND GRACE. 
 
 ( Together.) 
 What? 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Dat's vaht I say. You haf changed de stone. 
 (Smiles complacently and puts down the ring.) 
 Dat's no ruby. Dat's a piece of glass. Tree hahn- 
 dred and feefty dahlars, or you all go to jail. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Well, upon my word! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 But I gave you sixty on account. 
 
50 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Dat's r-right. Ve had arranged for four hahn- 
 dred and ten dahlars for de ring. Hadn't ve? 
 
 FIFINE AND GRACE. 
 {Together.) 
 Oh! Did you ever!! 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 Remains tree hahndred and feefty dahlars. 
 
 WIEKINS. 
 
 {Languidly.') 
 
 'Pon my word — I don't know what it's all about 
 — but if the beggah will take my check, I'll pay for 
 it and buy the old thing, don't you know. ( To Ro- 
 senstein.) I'm Weginald Wilkins, of 23 Madison 
 Square — 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 {Bowing and rubbing his hands.) 
 
 Ach, yes! Dat vill be all r-right. I know you. 
 
 Your check — verry good, verry good. 
 
 i 
 
 WIEKINS. 
 
 ( Writing check and speaking to Fifine.) 
 
 And if my deah little Fifine will accept the 
 doosid thing as an engagement wing, it will save 
 me so much twouble in going to select one, you 
 know. 
 
 fifine. 
 
 Oh, 7\>eginald! My darling! How noble, how 
 dear, how English you are! 
 
 {Puts on the ring.) 
 
51 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 
 {Pocketing the check, bowing and rubbing 
 his hands.) 
 
 You haf a bargain. A bargain, I say. De r-ruby 
 alone — vaht? 
 
 wilkins. 
 
 {Languidly raising his foot and kicking him 
 gently. ) 
 Get out. 
 
 ROSENSTEIN. 
 {At door.) 
 
 De r-ruby alone, vaht I said, de r-ruby alone, as 
 a vahnderful imitation, is worth — 
 
 (Wilkins lifts him by the collar and puts 
 him out.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {In foreground, tearfully to Tom.) 
 
 It was because of the bill of fare. 
 
 TOM. 
 
 Because of the what? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Taking it from the bosom of her dress.) 
 
 The — the — this (sobbing). It's an immoral 
 bill of fare! Pifine said so. 
 
 TOM. 
 {Looking at it.) 
 
 How does she know? "Martinis — caviare — foie 
 gras — oysters — " the devil! 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Excitedly.) 
 What? You said — 
 
52 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Reading. ) 
 The devilled lobster — I was reading — "Clicquot, 
 two bottles — " 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 A wicked, immoral supper ! 
 
 TOM. 
 {Looking at her with a whimsical smile.} 
 Well — if you say so — 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Bursting i?ito sobs.) 
 
 And on our honeymoon trip, too! 
 
 TOM. 
 {Looking at her quietly.') 
 Yes. The second day, I believe. 
 
 (Grace stops crying and looks at him. Lit- 
 tle by little she smiles and then looks very 
 shy.) 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh Tom ! 
 
 TOM. 
 
 {Imitating her.) 
 A most immoral — 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 {Covers his mouth with her hand, laughing.) 
 
 Don't! Tom! 
 
 (Tom catches hold of her hand and kisses 
 it.) 
 
 FIFINE. 
 
 {Coming up.) 
 
 Well! Have you forgiven him for that supper? 
 
53 
 
 GRACE. 
 (Smiling and embarrassed.) 
 It's all right, Fifine. I — I was there — too! 
 
 fifine. 
 What? You, too? 
 
 GRACE. • 
 
 Yes. I, too — we two — us! 
 
 (Takes Tom's arm and laughs.) 
 WILKINS. 
 (To Tom.) 
 
 I beg your pardon — but would you mind lending 
 me that bill of fare? I shall be going- to Paris in a 
 month — with Fifine — and-er-having this kind of 
 thing all weady, witten down, would save such a lot 
 of twouble, don't you know. 
 
 TOM. 
 (Laughing and giving him the bill of fare.) 
 
 Why, by all means. We don't need it any more. 
 Do we Gracie? 
 
 GRACE. 
 
 Oh ! Tom ! 
 
 (They embrace.) 
 
 Curtain. 
 
 Maverick-Clarke Litho. Co. 
 San Antonio