NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. PS 3539 .U13 D6 =-v. 3AFiCR'5 Edition A DOUBLE DECEPTION COPVItlQHT, 1-BSO, BY IMALTeR H, BAKCR A CO. /♦\ t (Us «s m f T M/ W NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. EDITH'S DREAM. ^n ©pmtta for CJjiltrrnt. Words by MARGARET FEZANDIE and EDGAR MORETTE. Music by EUGENE FEZANDIE, Jr. Eleven characters,. girls and boys, or all girls, as preferred ; ten or more addi- tional for cborns. Scenery luinecessarv ; costumes, pretty and fanciful, but easily arranged at home. This admirable little piece is printed complete witli music. It is very tuneful and gracefully imagined, and is strongly recommended for private tbeatricals or for schools. It is particularly well suited for the latter nse, as it deals wbimsically with the question of youthful study, inculcating, boM'ever, an excellent moral. Price 35 cents. ODD OPERASSEVENTIDE A Collection of Short and Simple Musical Entertainments for Children. By MRS. G. N. BORDMAN. This collection provides a simple operetta, a fairy opera, a picturesque motion song, a quaint musical pantomime, a pretty musicAl sketch, and two original buniorous recitations for children, complete, with all the music, and full instruc- tions for performance. The music is tuneful and simple, and is specially written with the tastes and limitations of children in view. The solos are easily learned and sung, and all the choruses are written for voices in unison. The collection is strongly recommended for its simplicity and perfect practicability. Neither stage nor scenery is demanded, nor any other requirements that cannot be met Avitbout trouble by the equipment of the ordinary hall or church vestry, and the zeal of the most economical committee of arrangements. «ls (US k t /In (Its (h M/ I Price 60 cents. CONTENTS. A Glimpse of the Brownies. Musical Sketch for Children, number of boys. A Any Market I>ay. An Operetta for Youne People. Seven speaking" parte and chorus. Queen Flora»s Day Dream. An Operetta for Children. Six speak- ing parts and chorus. The Boating Party. A Musical Sketch for Little Children. Thirty boys and girls. Six Little Grandmas. A Musical Pantomime for very Little Children. Six very little girls. Jimmy Crow. A Recitation for a Little GirU A House in the Moon. A Recita- tion for a Child. A Double Deception '.\ A Comedy in One Act By ARTHUR LEWIS TUBES Author of " Cowslip Farm,'' " The Fruit of His Folly;' " The Heart of a Hero," " The Finger of Scorn," " A Scheme that Failed," " Dinner at Siy," etc. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER &'C0 1901 n 77633 A Double Deceptte CHARACTERS Archibald Shillingsworth. Marcus Dill. LuciLLA, Archibald' s wife. Penelope Shadrach, his aunt Mrs. Bunn, the housekeeper. Time in playing, about forty-five minu ■ary of Congre:*^. * Two Copies Receivfo I NOV 19 1900 I SECOND COPY Odivwed to ORDER DIVISION ^!ilQLJ22_19i}0- COSTUMES Archibald. — Light summer suit ; straw hat when he goes out. Dill. — Riding costume ; top boots, etc. LuciLLA. — Pretty, light summer morning dress. Hat for first exit. Penelope. — Handsome traveling dress; quick change to attire of an old maid. (The performer may use her own judgment in making up for this part. She should, however, appear domineering and strong-minded, rather than too ridic- ulous.) Another quick change to first dress, or some other becoming costume. Mrs. Bunn. — Plain dress, white apron. Letters and Lucilla. Bell on table PROPERTIES papers. Satchel, bundles, etc. Letter for Copyright, 1900, by Walter H. Baker & Co. A Double Deception, SCENE. — The cozy sitting-room of the Shillingsworths' coun- try residence. It is August. As the curtain rises, the doorbell rings ; thefi Mrs. Bunn crosses from r. to c. d. and exits to L. ; after pause, reenters, followed by Marcus Dill. Mrs. Bunn. Master and missus are at breakfast, sir, but they won't be long now. Marcus. Very well, then, I will wait. It is nothing impor- tant. I only wanted to say ''Good-morning," and give Mr. Shillingsvvorth his mail. By the way, you might take it in to him, Mrs. Bunn. Just tell him that as I was riding by the post office, I thought I'd bring it along. (^Hafids her letters and papers.) Mrs. B. Yes, sir, and thank you kindly for your trouble, sir. \^Exit r. ivith mail. Mar. {looks at his watcJi). After ten o'clock, and still at breakfast. I cannot understand such laziness, especially this fine weather. Ah ! perhaps it means that they had another — er — disagreement, last night, and sat up late arguing the ques- tion, and Enter Mrs. Bunn, r. Mrs. B. Mr. Shillingsworth says he will be right out, sir. Mar. Thank you, Mrs. Bunn. \^E'xit Mrs. Bunn, l. (Dill ivalks about carelessly, goes up and looks off c, etc., until Archibald Shillingsworth enters r.) Archibald. Ah, good-morning, Dill. Aren't you an early bird? {Has papers, which he lays on table.) Mar. Say, rather, aren't you a late one? {They shake hands.) 3 4 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Arch. Well, yes, maybe. You see, I — that is, we — didn't get to bed, or to sleep, I should say, very early last night — or this morning, rather. Mar. You should say, rather, that is, maybe. So ! You had something to talk over, eh? Something — excuse me, it's none of my business. Arch. M'm — maybe it isn't, but I'll tell you something. You see — well, hang it all. Dill, you know how it is with Lucilla and me. Don't you ? Mar. Why, of course I know that you are a young couple, very much in love, who have been married only about six months, and that you are extremely happy and so on. That's considerable to know, isn't it? Arch. But that isn't all. You also know that sometimes we have little — what do you call 'em? — spats. No, not spats, just little disagreements. You've known me long enough, Dill, to know that I am of a quiet, peaceful disposition. Haven't you ? Mar. Yes, I guess I have. I can't recall that I have ever found you otherwise. Arch. Well, then you \\\\\ believe me when I tell you that it isn't my fault — not all my fault, anyway — I'm willing to bear my share of it ; but I do say that I think Lucilla — (Jook- i)ig R. , cautiously) sh ! she might hear. Mar. ''Sh!" yourself, then. I'm not saying anything. What are you driving at, anyway? Arch. I'll tell you. {Goes and looks off ^., then comes back, and he and Dill sit, one r. c. , the other c. ) What made you send my letters in by Mrs. Bunn ? How did you happen to bring them, anyway ? Mar. Why, I was out for my morning horseback ride, and as I was coming right by the post office, and in this direction, I thought it would accommodate you if I brought your letters over; that's all. Didn't you want them? Arch. Why, y-yes, I suppose so, and I am much obliged to you, I am sure ; but I do wish you hadn't sent them in to me as you did. Mar. But why ? Arch. Well, there's one I didn't want my wife to see, and of course I had to let her see it. She's reading it now. Mar. See here, Archibald Shillingsworth Arch. And see here, Marcus Dill, don't you lecture. I don't want your advice, I want your help. A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 5 Mar. Helj) ? Explain. Arch. I will. You know, I just started to tell you that my wife and I had a sort of a disagreement last night ? Well, that letter has upset all the good effects of the talk I gave her and defeated me just as I thought victory was in sight. Mar. I don't understand. Arch. Of course you don't, yet. Wait till I tell you. It's all about my Aunt Penelope. Mar. Who is she ? Arch. Aunt P.enelope Shadrach, my mother's sister. Isn't that a name for you ? Penelope Shadrach. Shadrach was my mother's maiden name, you know. Mar. I understand. Well, what about your Aunt Penel- ope Shadrach ? Arch. She is coming here, to stay. My wife says she shan't, and I say she shall, and there we stand. We didn't ex- pect her for a month yet, and I spent half the night talking Lucilla into a peaceable frame of mind, by telling her that lots of things might happen in a month, and so forth, and now you bring us a letter saying that Aunt Penelope will be here to-day— this very morning— this hour, maybe ; and Lucilla is in an up- roar again. I wouldn't have had her see that letter for five dollars — fen. Mar. I don't see why not. I should think you would rather be prepared, seeing she is really coming, and so soon. Arch. Nothing of the sort. {He has risen.) It would have been ten times better for Lucilla to be taken by* surprise, then perhaps, when she saw Aunt Penelope, she would melt and treat her cordially. But ?iow Oh, dear ! Mar. I don't see as matters are in such a terrible state. It doesn't seem so very alarming to me. At any rate, I don't see how I am going to be of any assistance to you. (J^ises.) I think I would better be going. Arch, (detainijig him). Oh, no ! I want you to go to the station and meet Aunt Penelope. Mar. Meet — man alive, I never saw your Aunt Penelope. I can't go and meet her. Arch. Oh, yes, you can. You've got to. And while you're gone, I will do the best I can to pacify Lucilla and get her to welcome Aunt Penelope in a becoming manner. You'll find her easily enough. Probably there won't another woman get off the train at this time of day, so you grab the first one you see, 6 A DOUBLE DF.CEPTION. Mar. And how shall I bring her here — on horseback ? Arch. No, of course not. Just hitch your horse to our phaeton. You see, I depend upon you because our man is out in the field, haying, and under the circumstances I can't go. So come on. (^Urging Dill toward c. d.) jNIar. {as they go out'). But I don't want to meet your Aunt Penelope, I {They are outside?) Arch. But I want you to, and \Their voices die away c. to l., as Luch.la enters r., goes to c. D. and looks after them. She has a letter, at which she occasionally glances ; finally comes down afid rings bell vigorously. After a brief pause, Mrs. Bunn en- ters l.) LuciLLA. Mrs. Bunn, where did ^Ir. Dill and Mr. Shillings- worth go? Mrs. B. To the stable, I believe, ma'am. Luc. Do you know what for ? Mrs. B. N-no, ma'am. Luc. If you do, you tell me. Didn't you overhear any- thing that they said ? Mrs. B. I didn't hear so very much, ma'am ; only some- thing about the 10:20 train, and the phaeton, and Aunt Some- body or something. Luc. And that's enough. I understand perfectly. He expects •that old maid here on the 10:20 train, and he has sent Marcus Dill to meet her. He thinks I'll have to have her here, if she once arrives. We'll see. That is all, Mrs. Bunn ; you may go. (^;c// Mrs. Bunn l., as Archibald enters c. D.frojn l.) Arch. Lu cilia. Luc. Oh, it's you, is it? So you have sent your friend, Marcus Dill, to meet your Aunt Penelope, have you? Arch. Why, how did you know? Luc. How did I know ? Do you think I am deaf and dumb and blind? (Shaking letter in his face.) Doesn't this letter say that she will be here at twenty minutes past ten, and don't I know that it is after half-past now ? Well, let her come. I won't be here to meet her. Arch. Why, Lucilla, where are you going? Luc. I don't know, I don't care. You think more of your A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 7 Aunt Penelope than you do of me. I think it's dreadful ! {Weeps.) Arch. Now, Lucilla, don't r;^ / You Luc. I will cry \ You make me. I don't see how you can treat me so — bring your horrid old aunt here to interfere, and break up our happy home and everything. Oh, how can you do it? Arch. See here, Lucilla, you're unreasonable Luc. It's not unreasonable for me to want to protect our home against the invasions of an old maid named Penelope Shadrach ! It's unreasonable of you to expect me to submit to it. And I won't ! I won't ! {She starts to exit r., hut he detains her.) Arch. Where are you going ? What. are you going to do? Luc. I'm going for a walk ; I'm going to calm myself, and then I am coming back here and face your Aunt Penelope Shadrach and tell her what's what. Thaf s where I'm going— thafs what I'm going to do ! Do you understand, Archibald Shillingsworth — do you ? Arch. . No, I don't, nor you either. You don't know what you are talking about. Luc. Oh, I don't? You let me pass. I'm not going to stay here another minute. {She is trying to push past him, ivhen Mrs. Bunn enters c. D. L., with a satchel, one or tivo boxes, an umbrella, etc.) Mrs. B. There's a lady out here, ma'am. {They pause and look at her.) Luc. A lady? Mrs. B. Yes, ma'am. She says her name is Miss Penel- ope Luc. Shadrach ! So she has arrived, has she? Very well. {She starts to exit r., but Archibald bars her way.) Let me go! Arch. But Lucilla, my dear ! Luc. I said I wouldn't meet her, and I won't ! Arch. But you must. Luc. But I won't ! {She escapes him and runs off R.) Arch. Well, here's a pretty go. When did she arrive, 8 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Mrs. Bunn, and how did it happen? Dill can't be half way to the station yet. Mrs. B. She came in a hack. These are her things. What shall I do with them ? Arch. I don't know. Anything. Put them down there somewhere. Great Scott ! I didn't expect her yet. Mrs. B. {who has s tainted to go out l., looki7ig off c. d.). Here she comes now, sir. (Mrs, Bunn stands aside as Penelope Shadrach enters c. D., fr'oni L. She is a bright, pretty young lady, about eighteen years old, stylishly dressed.) Arch. Penelope ! Pen. Archibald ! {He is about to kiss her, then desists aivkwardly and shakes her hand instead. ) Arch. Well, well, so it's really you ! I almost kissed you. Pen. And why not ? Guess you have a right to kiss your auntie, haven't you ? Arch. M'm— I should think so. Well, then, au7itie, {kisses her lightly') there you are. Pen. That's an awfully stingy kiss. But I suppose you have to keep the best ones for your wife. By the way, where is your wife ? Arch. Oh, she's about somewhere. You see, we didn't expect you just yet, and— Mrs. Bunn, take Miss Shadrach's things to her room. Mrs. B. Yes, sir ; but which is her room ? Arch. I don't know — any old room ! No, I mean — you know, the room she always has Pen. Why, I was never here before. Arch. Yes, I know. I didn't mean that, I meant— I don't know what I meant, but Mrs. Bunn ought to know. Take them to soi7ie room, Mrs. Bunn, and let it go at that. Mrs. B. Very well, sir. {^Exit \..,with tJmigs. Arch. And now tell me how you happened to arrive so un- expectedly. Pen. Unexpectedly? Why, didn't you get my letter? Arch. Letter? Oh, yes, so I did. To be sure. Yes. Why, you said you would be here at ten-twenty, didn't you ? Yes, I sent Marcus Dill to meet you. A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 9 Pen. Marcus Dill ? Who is he — your coachman ? Arch. Goodness, no ! He's a friend of mine — a rich bachelor. He lives a mile or so beyond here. He just hap- pened over, brought your letter, in fact ; and, as I couldn't go to meet you, I sent him. But I guess he missed you. Pen. I guess he did. There was nobody to meet me, so I took the only hack in sight and came that way. Arch. You must have traveled all night to get here so early. Pen. I did, and I'm tired to death and half starved, and as dirty as a ragamuffin. {Brushing her dress.) My ! but your roads are dusty. Arch. Pll call Mrs. Bunn and have her show you to your room. Pen. I wish you would ; and while you are doing it I will sit down and rest a minute. {Sits.) I suppose your wife is just dying to see what I look like ? Arch. 0-oh, y-yes — of course. Pen. It's so strange we never met, isn't it? But I was abroad when you were married, and have been home such a short time. I- was so glad to come here, you know, and of course I knew you were anxious to have me. It must be lone- some here in this country place. Arch. M'm — yes, ratlier. Sometimes. But then we enjoy it. This is only our sunmier home, you see. We go back into town in the fall. Pen. Oh, I see. I presume you have told your wife — Lucilla, I mean — all about me — how I look and all ? Arch. Well, no, not exactly. I never thought to until your letter came this morning, and since then I haven't had time. Pen. Wliy, I should think you would have told her every- thing you could about me. Arch. N-no, I was kind of putting it off — I mean, I Pen. Oh, I suppose you wanted to let me surprise her. How jolly ! Arch. Yes, isn't it? She thinks you're a crabbed, dried-up, meddling old maid Pen. {jumping up). What! Arch. Yes. She imagines you want to run the house and boss her around and usurp her place, and Oh, a few other pleasant things like that. {He laughs.) Pen. And you didn't contradict her? lO A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Arch. I didn't get a chance. She said she wouldn't meet you and ran away somewhere. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Pen. What's so funny about it ? I think it is dreadful, after I expected such a warm welcome and all. {About to weep.') I shall go right away again. Arch. Oh, no, you won't ! Don't you see how it is ? Lucilla has deceived herself, and when she sees what you really are, she will be so relieved and delighted that she will be per- fectly happy to have you stay with us always. Pen. I hope so, I am sure; but I am a little donblful. But I don't intend to stay always, anyway. That was only a little joke of mine. Pm going to stay only a few weeks, if I do that long. But whatever made Lucilla get it into her head that I was old and crabbed and all that ? Arch. Your name. Don't you see? It sounds like it. Pen. Penelope Shadrach ! That awful name again. {Laughing merrily.) I don't wonder she thought so. I shall have to change my name, won't I ? Arch. Yes, or you will be an old maid in earnest. Pen. That's so, but not right away. I have a few years grace yet. Arch. Well, Pll go and send Mrs. Bunn to you. {Starts L.) Pen. Yes, do. She'd better look out or I may eat her, too. Pm hungry enough to eat a dozen buns. [Archibald laughs and exits l. Pen. Well, I never ! Mrs. Shillingsworth thought I was a wrinkled, dried-up, meddling old maid, who was coming to stay with them forever and make their lives miserable, did she? I don't wonder she rebelled. I would have done so too. {She sits a7id is silent a 7noment, then seems struck by a happy thought and laughs out gleefully.) Oh, wouldn't it be fun? Pll do it, too, if I can get the things to fix up with. Pll dis- guise myself as just such an old maid as Lucilla Shillingsworth imagines me to be, and show her what might have been. Enter Mrs. Bunn, l. ; Penelope rises and goes to her. Pen. Oh, Mrs. Bunn, have you an old dress I could take? Mrs. B. An old dress, miss ? Pen. Yes, any old thing. And have you another — excuse me — false front, beside the one you have on ? Mrs. B. {feeling of her fro?it hair). Why, yes, I have my best one. But what A DOUBLE DECEPTION. tl Pen. I want to borrow it and a dress, and a few other things. I want to fix up like an old maid. Mrs. B. Good land ! What do you want to do that for ? Pen. Well, you see, Mrs. Shillingsworth never saw me, and she thinks I am an awful old maid, perfectly horrid, and I want to make her think I am, at first, and then when she sees that I am not, why, she'll be so relieved that she will be glad to have me here. Don't you see ? Mrs. B. Y-yes, I guess so. But I am afraid she won't like it, and Pen. Oh, never you mind. You won't have any of the blame to bear. It is only for a little joke, anyway, and they will all enjoy it. Mrs. B. I don't believe you can fix up so as to fool her. Pen. Yes, I can. I have taken old maid parts in private theatricals lots of times and know just how to do it. It won't take me any time, with your help. Come on, let's hurry. Mrs. B. Well, if you're sure they won't blame me for it. Pen. Of course they won't. I won't let them. i^The voices of Archibald and Marcus are heard off c. to l.) There comes somebody now. Hurry up ! (Runs off l.) Mrs. B. For the land's sake ! I never heard of such fool- ishness. \_Exits L. Enter Archibald c. d. l., folloived by Marcus. Arch. So you didn't see Aunt Penelope, after all? Mar. No. That was a Tom fool's errand you sent me on. She arrived here ahead of me. Arch. Yes, but you didn't get far, did you ? Mar. No, I saw the hack come here and knew she must be in it, as it was so long after train time. I suppose I will meet her this morning. Arch. Oh, yes, you must wait. She'll be down soon. I tell you what. Dill, she's a ''peach." I expect you'll fall in love with her at first sight and take her off our hands. Mar. Small danger, I guess. I'm not looking for my fate. ( They come dow7i and sit. ) Arch. No, maybe not ; but fate doesn't have to be looked after, you know. And Penelope — well, she's a fate worth meet- ing, I can tell you. Mar. Describe her to me. 12 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Arch. Ah, see ! you are curious already. But I can't describe her — I'm not a poet. However, she is about eighteen, and all that a charming girl of that age can be or needs to be. You wait. You'll see her in a few minutes. You must stay to luncheon with us and get acquainted. Mar. Well, I don't see how I can resist the temptation to do so, after such an alluring description of your paragon of an aunt. Arch. Of course you can't. (^Risi/ig a?id looking^.') I wonder where Lucilla is. I must go and look her up. Mar. Evidently she didn't expect your Aunt Penelope. Arch. But evidently she did. That's just why she isn't here. Mar. It is ? Arch. Yes. I know it is very inhospitable of her — worse than that. But you see. Dill, it is just as I told you. My wife has gotten it into her head that Aunt Penelope is a regular old maid — about forty, cross, interfering, bossy, and all that ; con- sequently she doesn't want her to come here and has run away so as not to be here to meet her. It's awful, I know, but I couldn't prevent it. I tried. It will be all right once Lucilla sees Aunt Penelope. Mar. Why didn't you tell her what your aunt is like? Arch. W^ell, I don't know. Somehow, I didn't think, at first ; then I was so provoked I thought I would let her go on thinking what she pleased and find out the difference for her- self. It will serve her right when she does. Don't you think so ? Mar. Perhaps. But I don't think you have acted very wisely. You should have told her, for your aunt's sake, if for no other reason. Arch. Well, it can't be helped now, and I guess it will come out all right. Penelope is too sensible to care. (^Enter Mrs. Bunn, l.) Ah, Mrs. Bunn, did you find a room for Miss Shadrach? Mrs. B. Yes, sir; I put her in the best spare room. I thought mebbe you'd want her to have as good as there is. Arch. Certainly I do. And have you made her com- fortable — given her something to eat, and so forth ? Mrs. B. She's all right, sir. I managed to give her all she asked for, though I must say Arch. Must say what? Mrs. B. That — well, that she is easy to please, sir, and it's A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 1 3 a pleasure to do for her. I was looking for Mrs. Shillings- worth. Have you seen her ? Arch. Not just lately. I am going to look for her. Mrs. B. I wanted to ask about the dinner. Arch. Oh, don't worry about dinner yet ; we have got to have luncheon first. (Mrs. Bunn is about to exit l.) By the way, Mrs. Bunn, Mr. Dill is going to stay and lunch with us, so set an extra place. Two extra places ; there's Aunt Penel- ope. Mrs. B. Yes, sir. (^Going.) Arch. And — oh, Mrs. Bunn ! Mrs. B. Yes, sir. Arch. Be sure and set Mr. Dill next to Miss Shadrach. Mrs. B. Very well. \^Exit L. Mar. How considerate of you. But perhaps the lady will object. Arch. Oh, no, she won't. Now, Dill, I am going out to look for my wife. Can you amuse yourself a few minutes ? Mar. (^rising). Certainly. I'll walk out a few minutes or read the paper. Don't worry about me. Arch. All right. I won't be gone long. \_Exit Archibald c. d. r. (Marcus takes paper from table r., unfolds it and begins to read as he slowly saunters out c. D. to L. He has barely disappeared when Lucilla enters r. She wears a hat and is somewhat flurried?) Luc. I wonder where Archibald is. Dear me, I am ashamed of myself, since I come to think it over and have time to consider. Perhaps his Aunt Penelope isn't so bad, after all. Some old maids are real nice, they say, and, after all, she is Archibald's aunt and — well, I suppose mine, too. I ought to treat her decently, if nothing more. I don't see where they all are. {Goes up and looks off c. to l.) Ah, there is Mr. Dill. I will ask him if he knows where Archibald is. (^Calling.) Mr. Dill ! Dear me, he's so absorbed in that paper. {Calls, louder than before. ) Mr. Dill I ! Mar. {without'). Yes. What is it? Luc. Won't yon come here a moment, please ? Enter Marcus, c. d. l. Mar. Did you call me, Mrs. Shillingsworth ? 14 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Luc. Yes. I wanted to ask you if you know where Archi- bald is. I cannot find him anywhere. Mar. Why," I believe he said something about going to look for you. Luc. Did he? In which direction ? Mar. (^pointing off yl.). That way, toward the grove. Luc. Thank you. I'll go and see if I can find him. (Starts R., then pauses.) Oh, by the way, Mr. Dill, did you find our Aunt Penelope? Mar. No, I did not. She came alone, before I had a chance to meet her. Luc. Then you haven't seen her? Mar. No, not yet; but Archibald invited me to stay to luncheon and meet her. According to what he says, I have a great pleasure in store. He tells me that she is charming. Luc. Really? Well, I am glad to hear it. No doubt we will soon have an opportunity to judge what his conception of "charming" is. You know, I haven't seen her either. Mar. So I understood. Luc. Well, I will go and find Archibald and return just as soon as I can. No doubt Aunt Penelope will be down by that time. Mar. I dare say. (Exit Lucilla, r.) Well ! I w^onder what has caused her to change her mind so suddenly. (He reads paper and is again going out c. , when Penelope speaks loudly off l. He pauses and listens.) Pen. (without). Archibald! Archibald Shillingsworth ! Where are you ? Mar. I wonder who that is. Enter Penelope, l. Marcus retires in c. d. and watches her. She is attired as an old maid, with side curls, false front, neck ha7idker chief , etc. , and speaks in a shrill voice with a quick, rasping manner. Occasionally she forgets her character for an instant, and then quickly resumes it. Pen. Land sakes ! There ain't nobody here. It's a pretty way to welcome me. (Looks about and sees Marcus ; he at- tempts to slip away, but she goes up and detains hi?n. As they talk, both come doivn.) See here, who be you — the hired man ? If you be, what you hanging 'round in here for ? Ain't A DOUBLE DECEPTION. I5 yoii got no work to do ? Where's Mr. Shillingsworth, I'd like to know ? Mar. {bewildered^. No, I am ?ioi—l don't know. Pen. Well, why don't you find out? I can't wait all day. It's time he was around, and his wife too, if he's got one. I don't know's he has. I never seen such a place, anyhow. Nobody seems to know anything. I guess it's a good thing I come to take a hand and see to things. Mar. {aside). It must be a new housekeeper. Pen. Here I arrived 'most an hour ago and I ain't had a mouthful to eat nor any attention paid to me. It's a pretty way to treat me, I must say. Mar. Are you the new housekeeper, madam ? Pen. Housekeeper ! I should hope not, though I must say they need one. And I ain't ''Madam," either, if you please. I'm Miss, and always will be. I'd like to see myself marrying a man. I guess not ! Mar. Oh, excuse me. I didn't know. Pen. Well, you ain't to blame for what you don't know. I'll tell you now, before we go any further, that I am Miss Penelope Shadrach and Archibald Shillingsworth's aunt on his mother's side, from Michigan, and come to live with him, and it's a good thing I have, for I can see plain enough how things are going here, and that's every which way. Mar. {ivho has beeii overcome with surprise, ?iow gasps out). D-do you mean to say that you are — you — you are Archi- bald — Mr. Shillingsworth's Aunt Penelope — Shadrach ? Pen. Of course I am, and why not ? Mar. Why, he told me that you Pen. Well, that I what ? Mar. Was — that is, he said — that you — were coming to- day. Pen. Well, and I have come, but they don't seem very glad to see me. Why ain't his wife here, and where is he ? I call it a nice way to treat his loving aunt, who has been good enough to come and live with them and see to things, and show them how to manage. {She is walking about, examiimig everything, looking out the different doors, etc. ) Mar. Yes, of course. It's very kind of you. Pen. Of course it is. I never think of myself. I am one l6 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. who believes in sacrificing myself for others. I mean to take right hold here and run this house as it ought to be run. ]\Iar. Y-yes, I see. If you will excuse me, I will go now. I — I may be able to find your nephew and send him to you. Pen. Well, I wish you would, and don't be too long about it, either. Mar. N-no, madam — I mean Miss — I won't. \^IIe exits hurriedly, c. to r. Pen. Oh, dear ! I'll bet it's that Mr. Dill Archibald spoke about. What must he think of me? It's dreadful, I know, but when I go into a thing I believe in carrying it through. I am sure he will excuse me, w^hen it is all explained to him later. {She casually looks off R.) I declare, there comes — it must be x-lrchibald's wife. It is, I am sure. Now for it. (Penelope retires to back of stage and Lucilla does 7iot see her as she e?iters R.) Luc. I couldn't find Archibald anywhere. Dear me, where could he have gone ? Pen. {coming down'). Good-morning. Are you Mrs. Shil- lings worth ? Luc. {starting and lookiyig at Penelope />z surprise). Yes, I am. Did you wish to see me? Pen. I did and I do. I've waited for you goodness knows how long. I am your Aunt Penelope Shadrach. Luc. You ! You are Aunt — Penelope — Shadrach ? Pen. Of course I am. Didn't I just say I was? {Extend- i?ig her hand stiffly.) How do you do, my dear niece? Luc. {taking her hand in a dazed ma?mer). How do — you —do? Pen. You may kiss me, my dear. {Presents her cheek, which Lucilla kisses coldly.) Land ! do you call that a kiss? It's more like rubbing my cheek against an iron lamppost. Where you been all this time ? There wa'n't nobody to meet me, nor anything. Didn't you know I was coming? Luc. N-not until — not quite so soon. You took us some- what by surprise. Pen. It looks that way. I ain't had a thing to eat nor anything else. That housekeeper of yours doesn't know her business, I can see that. It's a good thing I've come to take things out of her hands and run them as they ought to be run. You and Archibald can be thankful I could come to you just A DOUBLE DFXEPTION. \*] when you needed me most, and show you how to keep house and be saving. I see plain enough that there ain't no head nor tail to anything here. I've come just in the nick of time. (LuciLLA is about to speak.) There ! you needn't try to thank me. I know you are grateful for the blessing of my presence, and I promise never to leave you again. 1 see my duty, and when I do, I ain't one to shirk it. Luc. {who is almost speechless with surprise and indigna- tion, now speaks, falteringly). But, Aunt Penelope, you are mistaken ; things are not that way here. Mrs. Bunn is very capable and gives entire satisfaction. Pen. Don't talk to me ! Don't you suppose Pve got eyes and ears and common sense? Can't I tell just h.ow this house is run, without being in it more than an hour, if I have that ? I guess you can't tell me anything about it. If you want me to stay here, you will have to let me superintend things and save you from financial ruin and matrimonial unhappiness. Luc. But Pen. Now, don't try to tell me how glad you are, my dear Lucilla. I know all about it. I am going into the kitchen now, and show that housekeepei^ of yours a few things about cooking. She's the most wasteful thing I ever saw. I will be back again soon, my dear. {Aside, as she exits l.) I guess I have given her enough for the first dose. Luc. {looking after her a moment in dazed silence). O-o-oh f So that is our Aunt Penelope Shadrach ! She is worse than her name — worse than I ever imagined she could be. But she needn't think I am going to be run over and bossed around like that. No, indeed ! I'll show her. The idea of her coming here and putting herself ahead like that ! Why, you would think she owned the v/hole place and every- body in it. But what can I do? I suppose we can't turn her out of doors, and — oh, dear, it's dreadful ! I can't stand it ! I won't ! I'll find Archibald and tell him that he must choose between her and me. \_Exits r., weeping. Enter c. d. r., Archibald and Marcus, talking excitedly. They come down, expostulating ivith each other. Arch. You must be crazy, Dill. What do you mean by speaking of my Aunt Penelope in that way? She isn't ugly and old and '■ Mar. She's forty-eight if she's a minute, and I don't care 15 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. if she is your aunt, she isn't pretty and sweet and demure, as you insist. I don't believe you have seen her at all. Arch. What! Didn't I receive her? Didn't I talk with her, right here, just a few minutes ago ? Mar. Then you must be color-blind and stone deaf and I don't know what all. Why, / saw her, too, and talked with her, and Arch. And you know more about it than I do, I suppose ? Dill, you aren't safe to be at large. Your place is in a lunatic asylum. Mar. Oh, well, I'm not going to argue with you, but I don't see where the joke comes in. Arch. Joke? Come, come. Dill, don't pretend to be so innocent. If it's a joke, it is of your own making. We'll drop it until Aunt Penelope puts in an appearance and then see which is right, Ejiter Mrs. Bunn, l. Mar. All right, I'm agreed. But here's Mrs. Bunn. We might ask her. Arch. Yes, we will, Mrs. Bunn, you have seen Miss Shadrach, haven't you ? Mrs. B. Yes, sir, I have seen her. Arch. What do you think of her ? Mrs. B. Think of her, sir? Why, I think she's a nice young lady. Mar. Youn^, did you say? Mrs. B. W-e-1-1, not so very I But she ain't so old, neither. Arch. I should say she wasn't. Now, Mrs. Bunn, you describe her to us. Mrs. B. I — I'd rather not, if you please, sir. Arch. Rather not? The idea ! Just tell us what she looks like. Isn't she sweet and pretty? Mrs. B. I should call her that, Mr. Shillingsworth. Arch. There, Dill, you see ! Mar. But, Mrs, Bunn, hasn't she a sour, crabbed look, like an old maid ? Mrs. B. a — come to think of it, Mr. Dill, I think she has. Mar. There, Shillingsworth, you see ! Arch. Mrs. Bunn, how can you say such a thing ? You know better. Why, Aunt Penelope doesn't look a bit like an old maid. Does she? Mar. She does too, doesn't she? A DOUBLE DECEPTION. I9 Mrs. r>. Well, I must say that you are both right. I have seen her when she did, and I have seen her when she didn't. But if you'll excuse me, I mustn't stand here talking. I was looking for Mrs. Shillingsworth, to ask her about the dinner, and if she isn't here Arch. She isn't, and I don't know where she is. Mrs. Bunn, I hope you are not losing your senses. Mrs. B. I hope not, thank you, sir. Perhaps if I can't find Mrs. Shillingsworth, Miss Shadrach wilh give me orders. That seems to be in her line. Excuse me, sir. I don't mean any disrespect. \_Exit l. Mar. {laughing heartily). Well, is it decided ? Arch. It's decided that that woman is crazy or else I'm what you say — color-blind and everything else. (Looking r.) Ah, here conies Lucilla. Mar. 1 guess I would better leave you together. Arch. Very well ; but don't go too far. We want to setde this question about Aunt Penelope. Mar. {wJio has gone up c). Oh, I won't be far off, never fear. \_Exit c. d. l. Arch, (caliing off r.). Lucilla! Enter Lucilla, r. Luc. Oh, there you are. I have been looking everywhere for you. Arch. And I have been looking for you. Where have you been all this time ? Luc. I came back, after a little while, resolved to do my duty and receive your Aunt Penelope cordially and make the best of it. Arch, {putting his arm about her). That's a dear, good, sensible little woman. Luc. {weeping). But, oh, Archibald, I can't ! Arch, (^drawing aivay from her). Can't! What do you mean ? Luc. Just that. I cannot stand it. She's perfectly awful ! Arch. Why, have you seen her? Luc. Seen her? 1 should say I had. Oh, Archibald, I can't live with her here ! Arch. I'm sure I don't know what you mean by that. To my mind. Aunt Penelope is one of the mildest, sweetest young ladies I ever saw. She couldn't be disjgreeal;!e if she tried. Luc. Why, Archibald Shillingsworth ! what are you talk- 20 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. ing about? I saw her here not ten minutes ago, and she bossed and scolded and took on terribly. She said we didn't know how to run this house and it was her duty to stay here always and run it for us, and that Mrs. Bunn didn't know her business and must be discharged, and Oh, dear, I don't know what all! But I — I can't stand it and I won't! So there ! You may choose between her and me. Arch. Well, I must say I don't know what to make of it. You and Marcus Dill must have made up a plot to play a joke on me, or something. You seem to have the same opinion of Aunt Penelope that he has. Now, own up, dear, aren't you joking? Luc. I only Avish I were. Goodness knows, I would be glad to find it all a joke. But it isn't; it is the awful truth. Arch. Wait a minute. I am going to call Dill and see if we can't straighten this matter out. i^He goes to c. d. and calls " Dill ! " but getting no response, goes out to L. LuciLLA goes up and looks after him. Just then, Penelope enters l.) Pen. Oh, there you are ! I've been looking for you. 1 want to tell you that I can't do nothing ivith that housekeeper of yours. She refuses to obey my orders. Luc. {coming dotvii). That is exactly what I wish her to do. Mrs. Bunn takes her orders from me ! Pen. What's that? Do you mean to say Luc. I mean to say, Miss Shadrach, that you are not sup- posed to take the affairs of this household into your hands just yet. I am still mistress here. Pen. And a pretty mistress you are, too. Mebby you don't appreciate what I am wiUing to do for you ? You don't, I know you don't; but it ain't to be expected. However, I shan't let it make a bit of difference. When 1 see my duty plainly before me, I strive to do it in spite of all obbtacles. Luc. You mistake your duty this time, madam.. Lwill not argue with you, but I shall let my husband talk the matter over with you. I have nothing further to say at present. Pen. Oh, you haven't? Very well, then! I'm'willing. Enter Archibald and Marcus, c, just in time to see Penelope sail inajestically out l. Arch. W-why, who is that ? Luc, Who? As if you didn't know, A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 21 Mar. Yes ; as if you didn't know. Arch. But I don't know. I never saw that queer speci- men of femininity before in my life. Luc. Archibald Shillingsworth, what do you mean? Mar. Yes, Archibald Shillingsworth, what do you mean? Arch. I mean that I want to know who that woman is who just sailed out of here. What was she saying to you, Lucilla ? Luc. No more than I was saying to her, you may be sure. I came right out and told her that she couldn't run this place quite yet. And she can't, not while I am here. Arch. Of course not. What right has she here, anyway? Luc. That's what I should like to know. Arch. Why didn't you turn her out? Luc. Why, I couldn't very well do that, could I ? You know you wouldn't like it if I did. If anybody turns her out, it must be you. Arch. Then I will. We don't want any crazy women around here. Mar. Oh, she isn't crazy, Shillingsworth. She's what you call demure and sweet and pretty and Arch. I ? See here, what are you talking about ? Mar. She's about eighteen, and all that a charming girl can or should be. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Arch. Dill, you are constantly giving further evidence of being a fit subject for a lunatic asylum. Lucilla, can you see any sense in what he says ? Luc. I can't see any sense in what you say. You pretend you don't know your own aunt Arch. My what ? Luc. Your Aunt Penelope Shadrach, to be sure. I don't see what you mean by saying that wasn't she who was just talking to me. Arch. What ! That woman ? Luc. Why, of course. Mar. To be sure. Arch. Now you are both crazy. That wasn't my Aunt Penelope. *I never saw that woman before. Luc. Archibald ! Mar. (Jialf aside). Poor fellow ! Arch. Well, I have had enough of this. We will summon Aunt Penelope and let her decide the question. Mar. Yes, that's an excellent plan. 22 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. Luc. Why, yes ; that is the very thing to do. (Archibald rijigs bell.) Mar. I wonder we didn't think of it before. Arch. We can soon tell who is wrong and who is not. Somebody is either crazy or trying to play a huge joke. We want to see who it is. {Enter Mrs. Bunn, l.) Mrs. Bunn, ask Miss Shadrach to come here at once, if she will be so kind. Mrs. B. Yes, sir. \^Exit l. Luc. I don't see how you can call it a joke, Archibald. To me it looks very serious. Arch. Just don't let's say any more about it. Wait a minute. {They sta?id in silence ^ availing. Finally Archibald gets nervous, walks about, looks out c, then l., etc.) Luc. Oh, Archibald, do keep still. You make me nerv- ous. Arch. I wonder why she doesn't come. Luc. I am sure I don't know. Mar. She will be here when she does come. Give her time. Arch, {looking off "l). Ah, here she is. (^;//^r l., Penel- ope, attired as at first, or in another becoming dress, ap- pearing as her natural self . Akcu\bai.t> takes her hand and leads her down c.) Allow me to present my aunt. Miss Penelope Shadrach. This, my dear aunt, is my wife; and this,' my friend, Mr. Marcus Dill. (LuciLLA and Marcus are stricken dumb ivith amazemetit and simply stare at Penelope.) Pen. (/// a very polite and refined 7nanne?'). I am very glad to rrieet you, Lucilla, if I may call you that. {Kisses Lucilla, who submits in a beunldered manner.') And you also, Mr. Dill. {Boivs to him.) Mar. I — I am happy t-to meet you, Miss S-Shad-rach. Luc. I — but I don't understand. You are not our Aunt Penelope. Pen. Oh, yes, I am, my dear. Why do you think I am not? Luc. Then who is that other woman? LofC. A DOUBLE DECEPTIOM. 2^ Pen. What other woman ? Arch. Why, you see, Aunt Peneloi)e, Lucilla and Mr. Dill here have gotten it into their heads that you are an old maid and cross and sour and everything like that. They in- sist that you were here talking to them, and that you were old and ugly, with all the disagreeable manners possible. Did you ever hear such nonsense ? Luc. Why, I sa7£j her. Mar. And so did I. Arch. See ? They still hold to their delusion. Pen. It was no delusion ! Arch. What ! Luc. What do you mean ? Pen. (/^ Lucilla). Will you promise to forgive me, my dear, if I tell you ? Luc. Forgive you ? For what ? Pen. Do you promise ? Luc. Y-yes, I promise. Pen. And you also, Mr. Dill ? Mar. Certainly. I will promise anything you like, if you will only solve this mystery. Pen. And how about you, Archibald? Arch. I don't know what you are talking about, but I am agreed. Pen. {suddenly assumes the attitude of the old maid and speaks 171 the tone which she had formerly used). I don't like the way things are run in this house, and Pm going to take them into my own hands and run them as they ought to be run. It's my duty, and when I see my duty {She has been rattling this off, while the others look at her in complete amazement. Finally Archibald interrupts her by breaking into hearty laughter, in which Marcus joitis him, ivhile Lucilla hovers between smiles and tears. To Lucilla.) Now do you understand who that other woman was, my dear ? Luc. You ! Pen. Yes, I. Luc. But why — why did you do it ? Pen. To show you what you thought I was, what I might be, and what I am. Is it plain now? Luc. {coolly). I think I understand. Pen. And remember, I have your forgiveness. Luc. Yes, that is true, you have. It serves me right, too. And did Archibald tell you what — what NOV 19 1900 24 A DOUBLE DECEPTIOl^. Pen. What you expected me to be? Yes, he did. But you aren't going to be angry with him, either; are you? Arch. Of course she isn't. The joke is on me as much as anybody. Mar. I think we ought to congratulate Miss Shadrach on her talent as an actress. Pen. And / ought to be grateful for such an appreciative audience; which I am. {She makes a7i elaborate boiv, while the others applaud.^ Enter Mrs. Bunn, l. Mrs. B. Luncheon is served. Arch. Come ! Let us eat, drink and be merry. (^Exit Mrs. Bunn, l., followed by the others^ arm in arm laughing.) CURTAIN. /Is NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. A I KING COLE. I j|? A BURLESQUE OPERETTA IN THREE ACTS. T Libretto by H. N. CUNNINGHAM. A Music by M. L. COOLEY. v(S A\ /!\ As /Is >Iv '^^^^ male, three female characters, and as many as desired for chorus. 'f^ Costumes fancy, but not difficult ; scenery desirable, but not absolutely ilV necessary. Written primarily for boys, particularly for boy choirs, boys' /iV jL schools or clubs, it was intended originally that boys should play the female jiC 'Ay characters, but girls may be introduced in these parts, if desired, and also in ^i^ yi^ the chorus. The music is easy, catchy, and easily learned. Five of the parts ilV jli demand good singers, but the other characters are not exacting. The music is * * 'I* printed complete with the text. The plot of the operetta is inspired by the y|^ familiar enactment of King Cole in the nursery rhyme, and is fancifully jU developed with much humor and a satirical side glance at recent political hap- ^i^ CI* penings. Plays one hour and a half. r fll W Vt/ penings. Plays one hour and a half. Price 50 cents. \l/ I A DREAM^aFLOWERS. | f a Cantata for Ci^tHiren. W CONSISTING OF SONGS, CHORUSES, RECITATIONS, DIALOGUES, ETC. \y By NELLIE E. CASE. St/ St/ S|/ si/ \|f For fourteen little girls, one little boy, and chorus. Costumes fanciful, but \f/ Wiy easily gotten up. Ko scenery needed, though it can be employed to advantage. WAjl ^I^ This cantata primarily celebrates May Day, introducing a May-pole Dance, but iV. "/ it is good and not unsuitable for performance at any sea>-i^n. It is published \f/ ^ly complete with music, pretty and very easy. This piece is the work of an expe- Ikiitf ^i> rienced teacher, familiar with the needs and limitations of children, and is ^*^ Mf offered with confidence. \l/ Mf Price 25 cents. Vff ^€€€€€$€€€€€^.LIBR«RV OF CONGRESS ^ % The Plays of H.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ . \ h\ 018 482 091 2 ■_,> h\ Edited, with Critical and Biog.oi^iucaj inttodttc&m, M^ ^{\t by EDMUND GOSSE. ^ (US (ii\ As This series is offered to meet a growing demand for tlie plays of this -vrell- alaufed aiwiliotly-discnssed writer, whose influeace over tbeeontemporarj' drama is enorn>ous even if his vogue in the American theatre be still regrettably ^iV small. Tliese plays are intended for the reading public, but are recommended ^Y: for the use of lit-erary societies and reading clubs, and somewhat diffitlently ^|^ :suggested todTaiuatie clubs, as providing uneonveational but vigorously acta- ^iV ble material. As a dramatist ih«n is absolutely " actor-tight," and has written " * more suceessful ^rts and inspired more" hits'' than any of his more popular m yiW eojitemporaries. This edition is printed in large, eiear type, well suited for the iiV '•"^ i»oA ^f v.oa/1iii(T oliihs Thft fnllnwinc tiMfts ar« readv. '.V (h ji. use of readiug clubs. The following titles are ready. ViV A T^rM T >Q T-TOT T^T? 1 A Plat ix Three Acrs, Translated by Wil- ^13 -^ A-'V^-La- O XT.V-M^^^E«j j^j^jj Archer. Three male, fo\ir female ehar- yiV — — ~" acters, aud three children. Price, 185 cents. ^AV m THE PILLARS OF SOOETYJ 4a?Ai^«,'\r"^-..l^Ii -fft JW » Archer. Ten male, nine Jjfk 'I* female characters. Price, Ha cents, ^f f \ff fT-TfyNT^ I ^ Brama i^ Three Acts. Translated by "Wiloam Vf ^i^ 1 Archer. Three male, two female characters. Ikiif Vf ' Price, US cent^. Vf ROSMERSHOUVL ^ "^ drama in Foitr acts. Translated by M t si;* W AN E NEMY OF SOQETY. | L^%^i\ll,i^^\^^^l \^ \kk'd ' ifiiie male, two female charac- \mg yf ters. Price, 35 cents, w Mf TMF AY7TT Fi "HT ICV I A Drama in Five Acts. Translated bv E. V^ I I Carmichael. Four male, two female charac- ters. Price, 'SS cents. THE LADY FROM THE SEA, I ^^S^t^^iUSi^^d: ' Five male, three female cliaracters. Price, 25 cents. M AvKLtNO. Twelve male, three female characters. Price, 25 cents. T THE YOUNG MEN'S LEAGUE, j ^,!^^^i' .^l.tS- Jjjl Mr 1 Cabstarphex. Twelve 7?f ^La'd ntale, six female characters. Price, 35 cents. tkiif TTrT'n'n a <^ a RT PP I a drama in Four Acts. Ti-anslated by \ff nCAJUt^ \JI\DLAU\.* I Edmund Gosse. Three male, four female ^|y ' characters. Price, 50 cents, ^lif M/ THE MASTE R BUILDER. | i^a,X"J5^J?-U7A„.?^?^^: M/ Sl^ ■ LIAM ARCHER. Four male, three yki l' female characters. Price, 50 cents. M^ \\f W m. J. PARKHILU & CO., BniMTCAS. BOCTAM, U.«.A. LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 018 482 091 2 t^