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 13 
 
 
St. Peter at the Gate 
 
 ^3 
 
 0-^ 
 
 CARTOON EDITION. 
 
 — A POEM B\y- 
 
 JOSEPH BERT SMILEY. 
 
 
 THE ENTERPRISE. 
 
 (-.AL^SBl'RG. .MICHir.AN 
 
 >«93. 
 
Copyright by J. B. Smilev. iHg^. 
 All rights reserved. 
 
 

 ^Xpe^JiM KT Tli 6^E;.,~| 
 
 ^^' T. PETER stood guard at the golden gate 
 ^m. With a solemn niein and an air sedate, 
 When up to the top of the golden stair 
 A man and a woman, ascending there. 
 Applied for admission. They came and stood 
 Before St. Peter, so great and good, 
 In hope the City of Peace to win, — 
 .\nd asked St. Peter to let them in. 
 
* * * * They came and stood 
 Before St Peter, so great and good 
 
 Tile man kept still, while the woman spoke 
 
^^ 
 
 The woman was tall, and lank, and thin. 
 
 With a scraggly lieardlet upon her chin. 
 
 The man was short, and thick and stout. 
 
 His stomach was built so it rounded out. 
 
 His face was pleasant, and all the while ^K^ 
 
 He w'ore a kindly and genial sniile. 
 
 The choirs in the distance the echoes woke. 
 
 .\nd the man kept still while the woman spoke. 
 
 "Oh thou who guardest the gate," said she. 
 "We two come hither, beseeching the 
 To let us enter the heavenly land, 
 
 ^^ Anil play our harps with the angel band. 
 
 ^\^ Of me. St. Peter, there is no doubt. 
 
 There's nothing from heaven to bar //it- out. 
 I've been to meeting three times a week, 
 And almost ahva}-s I'd rise and speak. 
 
tiild the sinners about the thi 
 
 ,4^%^ hjW'-^X Wlicu they'd repent of their evil \\:\\. 
 ■^, %w^t^M^ fffy ~ %^^\ I've told m\ neighbors — I've told \-\\\ a 
 
 '^' Vm 
 
 NJtT-'A, 
 
 ^ji^'Bout Adam and Eve, and the Primal Fall, 
 I've shown them what they'd have to do 
 If they'd pass in with the chosen few. 
 I've marked their path of dut)' clear, — 
 Laid out the plan for their whole career. 
 
 I've talketl and talked to 'tnn. loud and long. 
 
 For my lungs are good, and my voice is strong. 
 
 So, good St. Peter, j-ou'll clearly see 
 
 The gate of heaven is open for iiic, 
 
 But mj' old man, I regret to saj', 
 
 Hasn't walked in exacth' the narrow way. 
 
 He smokes and he swears, and grave faults he's got, 
 
 And I don't know whether he'll pass or not. 
 
fe,. 
 
 E never would pra\' with an earnest vim, 
 ^ Or go to revival, or join in a hymn. 
 8» So I had to leave him in sorrow there 
 
 While I, with the chosen, united in prayer. 
 He ate what the pantry chanced to afford. 
 While I, in my purity, sang to the Lord, 
 And if cucumbers were all he got 
 Its a chance if he merited them or not. 
 
But. Oil. St. Peter. 1 love him so 
 To the pleasures of lica\en p/rasi- let him go! 
 /'7'c- done enough — a saint /Vv been. 
 Won't //■(?/ atone? Can't \(in let him in? 
 By my grim gospel I know 'tis so 
 That the unrepentant must lr\- below, 
 But isn't there jvw/c way you can see 
 That he may enter who's dear to iiir^ 
 
 It's a ihirnnv gospel by which 1 pray 
 
 But the chosen expect to find some way 
 
 Of coaxing, or fooling, or bribing you 
 
 So that ///(■//■ relation can amble through. 
 
 And sa\', St. Peter, it seems to me 
 
 This gate isn't kept as it ought to be. 
 
 You ought to stand right by the opening there 
 
 And never sit down in that easy chair. 
 
7 
 
 AikI sa3\ St. Peter, my si^lit is dimmed. 
 
 But I don"t like tlie way your whiskers an- trimuu-d. 
 
 Tlies're cut too wide, and outward toss; 
 
 They'd look better narrow, cut straight across. 
 
 Well, we must be going, our crowns to win, 
 
 So open, St. Peter, and we'll pass in !" 
 
/'' 
 
 - -".V 
 
 
 ACoidOjv '• " 
 
 T. PETEK sat quiet, and stroked his staH, 
 But, spite of his office, he liad to laugh. 
 Then said, with a fierj- gleam in his eye, 
 "Who's tending this gateway, — you or I ?" 
 And then he arose, in his stature tall. 
 And pressed a button, upon the wall. 
 And said to the imp who answered the bell 
 "Escort this ieniale around to ht-ll:' 
 
J' 
 
 And pressed a button upon the wall 
 
 And said to the imp who answered the bell 
 
 "Escort this female around to hell ' 
 
HE man stood still as a piece of stone, — 
 Stood aadl}', gloomily there alone. 
 A life-long, settled idea he had 
 That his wife was good and he was bad. 
 He thought if the woman went down below 
 That he would certainly have to go, — 
 That if s/u- went to the regions dim 
 There wasn't the ghost of a show for /liiii. 
 
 Slowl_\- he turned, by habit bent 
 To follow wherever the woman went. 
 St. Peter, standing on duty there, 
 Observed that the top of his head was bare. 
 He called the gentleman back, and said 
 "Friend how long hast thou been wed?" 
 ••Thirty years" (with a weary sigh) — 
 And then he thonghtfuflv added ••Whv?'' 
 
He called the gentleman back and said 
 "Friend, how long hast thou been wed'" 
 
St. Peter was silent. With head lient down 
 
 He raised his hand and scratched liis crown. 
 
 Then, seeming a different thoiijiht to take. 
 
 Slowly, half to himself, he spake. 
 
 ■•T/iirty years with that woman there? 
 
 No wonder tlie man hasn't an}' hair 1 
 
 Swearing is wicked. Smoke's not good. 
 
 He smoked and swore, — I should think lie would ! 
 
 Thirty years with that tongue so sharp? 
 Hoi Angel Galniel ! Give him a harp ! 
 A jeweled harp with a golden string I 
 Good Sir, pass in where the angels sing I 
 (labriel, give him a seat alone. — 
 One with a cushion. — up near the throne 
 Call up some angels to play their best. 
 Let him enjoy the music, and rest. 
 
/•i- 
 
 r^sf- 
 
 
 ^^■^■^^ 
 
 
 i>y 
 
 ^^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 They gave him a harp with golden strings, 
 A glitti-ring rnljc and a pair of wings. 
 
See that on iincst Ambrosia he feeds. 
 
 He's had about all the hell he needs. 
 
 It isn't just hardly the thing to do 
 
 To roast him on earth and the future too.' 
 
 They gave him a harp with golden strings. 
 
 A glittering robe, and a pair of wings. 
 
 And he said as he entered the Realm of I)a\. 
 
 "Well this beats cucumbers, anyway ! " 
 
 And so the Scriptures had come to pass 
 
 " 'The last shall he fust tiinl the first shall he last. 
 
■Well, this beats ijunmbers, anyway. 
 
/^ 
 
T