THCFUINGXTAGPIAVI N^V &»c»nogfrv'i^' THE FLYING STAG PLAYS For The Little Theatre No. 7 BLIND COPYRIGHT, 1918, BY EGMONT ARENS ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. The professional and amateur stage rights on this play are strictly reserved by the author. Ap- plications for permission to produce the play should be made to Egmont Arens, 17 West 8th Street, New York. While it is hoped that the publication of the plays in this series will encourage their produc- tion in all parts of the country, it is held that the interests of the New Theater movement can best be served by vigorous protection of the play- wrights, without whom the movement cannot go forward. Therefore, any infringements of the author's rights will be punished by the penalties imposed under the United States Revised Statutes, Title 60, Chapter 3. The Publisher. OCT 17 19/8 BLIND V V ^ Comedy in One Act by Seumas O'Brien v v as played by Whitford Kane's Irish Players Published by EGMONT ARENS at the Washington Square Bookshop V New York 1918 BLIND ^ ^^S"^ Produced for the first time, April' 20th, 1918, at the Neighborhood Playhouse, New York, by Whitford Kane, and his company of Irish Players, with the following cast : The Blind Man - - - Whitford Kane The Policeman - Joseph K. Whitmore The Stranger . _ _ _ Fred Pelly The Play is dedicated to W. D. Hepenstall By the Same Author : "The Whale and The Grasshopper" "Duty and Other Irish Comedies" CID 50581 BLIND The scene is a street in Ballybrogan, a country town in Ireland. Blindnian with dog, sitting on a keg near the corner of a public-house. He is shab- bily dressed, carries an umbrella, has a patch over one eye and is reading from a Bible with his fingers. There is a proclamation posted on a wall over his head. BLIND MAN [Reading.] "He increaseth the nations and destroyeth them; He enlargeth the nations and straiteneth them again." [Hears footsteps.] Pity the bHnd. Pity the blind. Pity a poor old blind man. POLICEMAN [Enters from the left. Reading proclama- tion.] Fifty pounds reward for the capture or informa- tion leading to the arrest of the man who broke into the Town Hall on the night of June 5th. BLIND MAN [Recognising voice.] Is it yourself is reading the notice? Patseen Corey, disturbing me and I in the twelfth chapter of the book of Job. POLICEMAN 'Tis no one but myself then, Johnny Burts. Fifty pounds is a tidy bit of money these times. BLIND MAN It is so ; a tidy lump to have in one's fist alto- gether. 6 BLIND POLICEMAN A hundred pounds is still more, and that's what I'll be having soon. BLIND MAN Wisha, wisha, where would the likes of a country- peeler get a hundred pounds, Patseen Corey? POLICEMAN I'll tell you, Johnny Burts, I have the fifty that was left me as a legacy by my Aunt Bridget now in my pocket, and that I'm going to take to the bank today when I'm off duty, and there's the fifty more that I'll be getting when the rapscallion who broke into the Town Hall will be caught. BLIND MAN Ah! I don't believe you have fifty shillings to your name. POLICEMAN [Pulling notes from his inside pocket.] See here, then, if you don't — feel these; there's four ten and two fives for you. What does that make? And there's the fifty that will be put with them when the malefactor who's at large will be brought to justice. BLIND MAN 'Twill take a smarter man than Patseen Corey to catch him, I'm thinking. POLICEMAN Will it, indeed? He's not goin' to escape me, Johnny Burts. Wasn't it myself that caught the desparado who stole the ould Queen of Eng- land's pet snuff-box when she was on a visit to Ireland? And didn't the King himself write and congratulate me? SEUMAS O'BRIEN 7 BLIND MAN Oh! Listen to that for a concoction now. What signifies the loss of a snuff-box to one who does be sitting on a throne of gold with a glittering diadem on her head listening to words of praise and receiving presents from the grey of dawn till the fall of night. I don't believe he ever wrote to you at all, Patseen Corey. POLICEMAN If you doubt what I say, go down to my parlor and see the King's own caligraphery and signature in a twelve by fourteen frame of solid oak, hang- ing between the full-length pictures of St. Patrick and the Head Constable himself. 'Tis a gift I have for catching breakers of the law, Johnny Burts. BLIND MAN 'Tis a genius you have entirely for bragging and boasting, Patseen Corey. POLICEMAN The man who broke into the safe in the Town Hall has no more chance of escaping me than a rat that would be between the teeth of a terrier dog. BLIND MAN The great Napoleon Bonaparte himself was out- witted once, Patseen Corey, and by a man not as smart as himself either. Sure, my nephew Shawn, up in Dublin, says the deed must have been done by a stranger, and 'tis more than likely he's on the high seas by this time. POLICEMAN What does a caubogue like your nephew know about anything? 8 BLIND BLIND MAN He's a travelled man, Patseen Corey. Hasn't he been to New York and back? POLICEMAN Oh, hold your tongue! I'm thinking. BLIND MAN All right. Think away, then. "He taketh away the heart of the chief of the people of the earth and causeth them to wander in the wilderness, where there is no way." POLICEMAN Stop that noise. BLIND MAN Noise, is it? POLICEMAN What else would I call it? 'Tis only at a wake the likes of that should be heard. BLIND MAN Maybe 'tis at your own wake I'll be keening it, then, and before long, too, please God. POLICEMAN At my wake, is it, Johnny Burts? Do you know who you are talking to? BLIND MAN Only too well I know, you that have been the torment of my life for this last ten years, shift- ing me from pub to pub with no more mercy for me than if I was a porter barrel with hoops on it. POLICEMAN Is it abuse I'm getting for my kindness and I letting you be an eye-sore to the people of Bally- brogan, disgracing and disfiguring the corner of the road here with your ungracious presence. You dirty, idle varmint ! SEUMAS O'BRIEN 9 BLIND MAN Idle, is it? The Lord forgive you this blessed day, Patseen Corey, and you that never stretched a muscle to pick up an honest shilling. POLICEMAN There's a way to speak to a gentleman who has been on his feet since daybreak. If you utter another word of reproach or disparagement I'll have you clapped in jail for using foul, offensive and obscene language to an officer of the law. BLIND MAN If you don't want to earn your own living, Patseen Corey, be off with yourself and let me earn mine "They grope in the dark without light and He maketh them to stagger like a drunken man," [Policeman walks to end of stage and a stranger comes out of the Public House.] Pity the blind. Pity the blind. Pity a poor old blind man ! STRANGER Is it yourself is blind, my poor man? BLIND MAN It is, stranger. It is so. STRANGER It must be a terrible thing to be deprived of one's sight. BLIND MAN Welcome be the will of God. If we have middling health itself and enough to keep body and soul together we ought to be thankful these days of stress and strife. 10 BLIND STRANGER That's true. [Taking a coin from his pocket.] Well, here's a trifle to help you on the road. [Puts coin in ponny and goes off.] BLIND MAN [When he hears the rattle of the money.] Thank you kindly, stranger. May you be long spared out of Heaven, and may you never know the loss of your limbs and your eyesight. May health, wealth and prosperity ever be yours and may the blessing of God be with you until you are called to your reward in the fullness of time. Eternal rest to the suffering souls in Purgatory and peace and good will among men upon earth 1 And may you never be robbed by the police, stranger. [Policeman returns.] POLICEMAN So it's from bad to worse you are going, Johnny Burts, inducing people to gather on the footpath, causing obstruction and disturbing the traffic. BLIND MAN Causing obstruction? Is it losing your wits you are, Patseen Corey? No one passed this way for an hour but yourself and the stranger who was so kind to me. And 'tis well you know that I do be often reading from the big book all day long for no one but the dog here and myself. POLICEMAN [Looks in the ponny, takes out the coin and puts hack a smaller one. Then looks up at the sky.] I don't think it will rain after all, Johnny Burts. The wind is in a favorable direction. SEUMAS O'BRIEN 11 BLIND MAN What's that you're after doing, Patseen Corey? POLICEMAN Oh, nothing at all. I was just exchanging two ha'pennies for a penny. BLIND MAN That's an unholy lie you're telling, Patseen Corey. An unholy lie. POLICEMAN Me, wearing His Majesty's uniform, telling a lie. A lie, is it? BLIND MAN Lying was the only trade you ever learnt. It was a silver coin of the realm with the King's head on it that you took from the ponny. POLICEMAN That's an accusation. A silver coin indeed ! How do you know what it was? BLIND MAN You couldn't fool me in the sound of it. POLICEMAN You were fooled, then, and badly fooled, too. You'll find two ha'pennies in the ponny, your law- ful earnings. People haven't enough for them- selves these times, let alone to be giving silver away to a beggar. BLIND MAN Some of us would have enough if what we get wasn't taken from us. POLICEMAN Take heed of what you're saying, Johnny Burts, and don't forget that there's ten years, and maybe more, hanging over your head for deceiving the public, and you only blind in half an eye. 12 BLIND BLIND MAN Who's the real deceiver, I'd like to know? That will be known on the Judgment Day when the rogues and vagabonds won't be able to shield themselves any longer. All the world knows I lost my eyesight the night of the big lightning and I on my bended knees in Killinchey Chapel praying for the repose of my mother's soul. POLICEMAN Little respect you have for your mother's soul, or your own soul either, you that left your native town in the Province of Munster to come here deceiving the guileless Protestants of the North. BLIND MAN And surely to God you don't think I'd have it on my conscience to be deceiving the decent Roman Catholics of Cork, do you? 'Twould be far fitter for you to give back what you stole from me than to stand there preaching. Put back what you took from the ponny, or 'twill be a bad day's work for you. POLICEMAN A bad day's work [Sotto voce.] This is the best day I've had for a month. BLIND MAN [Rising.] You won't think so if Johnny Burts loses his temper. Return what you stole from me, Patseen Corey. POLICEMAN Ashamed of yourself you should be, Johnny Burts, wronging a townsman of your own, and we that were next door neighbors in Featherbed Lane, and maybe distant relations for all we know. SEUMAS O'BRIEN 13 BLIND MAN For the last time I ask you to give me back my silver half-crown. [Blind man puts crook of his umbrella in policeman's Hmic] POLICEMAN Take it easy, Johnny Burts, take it easy, now. 'Tis too lenient I've been with you lately. [Unhooks the umbrella.] What if the Head or the Sergeant were to come along at this moment? Sure I haven't asked you for the price of a drink this week past. A nice return I'm getting for being decent to a miserable, scheming, good-for-nothing, prevaricating old rascal who never does anything for his living. The Lord knows it was a queer profession you chose the first day. BLIND MAN 'Tis wickedness and sin itself you are, Patseen Corey. POLICEMAN If there's another titter out of you, you'll find yourself pleading for mercy before the magis- trates. BLIND MAN [Turning away hopelessly.] Persecuted and held in bondage, I am. POLICEMAN Not another word now, or I'll have you put where you can talk till you are blue in the face, and where there will be no one but the rats and the cockroaches to listen to you. 14 BLIND BLIND MAN [Whining.] Pity the blind ! Pity the blind ! Pity a poor old blind man! [Goes back to his seat, picks up the Book. The stranger returns and the policeman moves on.] STRANGER [To the Blind Man.] I beg your pardon, sir, would I be troubling you for the half-crown I gave a while since in mistake for a penny? I'm as poor as yourself, and I'd like to have it back if 'tis no inconve- nience. BLIND MAN A half crown! Surely you're making a mistake, stranger. STRANGER No, I am not, then, making any mistake at all. When I left the pub all I had in my possession was a half crown and a penny, and now I have only the penny. See ! [Holds out coin.] BLIND MAN I haven't seen the dazzling splendor of the sun or a gleam from the clustering stars since the Chief was put under the sod. But if you put the half- crown in the ponny it should be there, shouldn't it, stranger ? STRANGER [Looking in ponny.] I can only see two ha'pennies in it. BLIND MAN Isn't that the queer thing now ? SEUMAS O'BRIEN 15 STRANGER It is a queer thing, and a very queer thing tool [Looks tozvards the policeman.] Maybe you slipped it into your pocket unknownst to yourself. BLIND MAN Is it the end of the world is coming I wonder when the word of the blind and infirm won't be taken. STRANGER I want my half-crown, and I'll find it if the devil himself took it. BLIND MAN 'Tis my belief, stranger, that you didn't know what you were doing when you left the pub with your belly full of dirty drink, and your mind wandering like a lost sheep on the hillside. STRANGER 'Tis no wandering mind I'm possessed of at all, but a good sound understanding that's as clear as the broad daylight itself. BLIND MAN Lord preserve us from strange unreasonable peo- ple that does be going the roads these terrible times of crosses and misfortunes. STRANGER Stop this latherawning, but search your pockets and you'll find it. BLIND MAN I have nothing in them but holes, stranger. STRANGER Would you be having me to call the police to you ? 16 BLIND BLIND MAN Is it making me out a thief and a robber you'd be, stranger? Me that used to take up the collection at the church doors on Sundays before the sight was taken from me. STRANGER Let m.yself search you then. BLIND MAN I will not. My word is all I have and that must be respected. STRANGER Then I'll call the constable. Come here, con- stable. POLICEMAN Now, what's all this altercation about? What's all this altercation about? STRANGER I gave this man half a crown by mistake, con- stable, and I want it back. POLICEMAN And would a fine granver looking young gentle- man like yourself be taking back anything from a poor, afflicted beggar of the streets even though the giving of it was a mistake itself? STRANGER 'Twas the only bit of silver I had, and it must last me till I strike the town of Ennis ferry, and that a good sixty miles by the shortest cut. POLICEMAN Are you certain you're not making a mistake? Did he put anything in the ponny, Johnny? SEUMAS O'BRIEN 17 BLIND MAN Ah, sure, Constable. I haven't put a finger next or nigh the ponny this hour past. And whatever he gave me was lawfully earned. POLICEMAN [Looking in the ponny.] i I see nothing in it but two ha'pence. i STRANGER I don't care what's in it now. All I know is, I put half a crown in it, and I'm going to get it back. POLICEMAN Go on about your business and don't be trying to get money under false pretenses or I'll put you where you'll keep quiet. Larcency from the blind and infirm is a bad charge to have against any man, let me tell you. Be off with yourself or I'll lock you up. STRANGER [Buttons lower button of his coat.] Who's going to lock me up, I'd like to know? POLICEMAN Someone who locked up many a better man. STRANGER Search the blind man or I'll have you reported. POLICEMAN Why should I search a man I know to be as honest and as upright as myself? STRANGER Honest as yourself, did you say? POLICEMAN Yes, that's what I said. STRANGER Can you swear to that? 18 BLIND POLICEMAN To be sure I can. STRANGER Then where's the half-crown? Where's my half- crown ? POLICEMAN Make yourself scarce or you'll be sorry. STRANGER I'll send for the Sergeant and have him searched. POLICEMAN Well, Johnny, to satisfy him, let's see what you have. BLIND MAN [While the policeman is searching him.] Oh, blight and disaster ! Blight and disaster I 'Tis the seven curses of Egypt that have come to destroy me! POLICEMAN [Searches him and pulls forth a newspaper and a pair of spectacles.] This is all I can find. [Hands them to the stranger.] STRANGER The morning paper and a pair of spectacles but no sign of my half-crown. POLICEMAN I know him to have those pair of specs in his pocket since the last glimmer of sight left his eyes, and he buys the newspaper for his landlady every day. [Slapping the blind man on the back.] Sure, there isn't an honester man from Cape Clare to the Mizen Head than Johnny Burts him- self. SEUMAS O'BRIEN 19 STRANGER I'd like to know what has become of that half- crown, then. It can't be far away, I'm thinking, for there was no one here but yourself and myself. POLICEMAN You had better be shortening your journey and not be wasting people's time. STRANGER I'll go when I get the money but not before. POLICEMAN I promised to lock you up and I'm afraid I'll be forced to keep my word. [Taking out his watch and a pair of hand- cuffs.] I'll give you one minute to take to your heels. [Holds the watch in one hand and the hand- cuffs in the other.] Ten seconds ! twenty ! thirty ! forty ! fifty ! sixty ! [While he is counting the blind man makes his way to the policeman and catches him by the hand.] BLIND MAN Put those handcuffs away, Patseen, and let there be no crossness. The best of us make mistakes and the stranger is only a little quarrelsome from the drink that's in him. Put them away now and be said by me. POLICEMAN None of your old plaumause, Johnny Burts, if you please. I am here in the interests of law and order and I know my duty. BLIND MAN [Holding his hand.] Oh, wisha, Patseen, Patseen, won't you be said by me now and let there be no ructions. 20 BLIND [Forces his hand to his side. The stranger rushes over, grips the policeman by the other hand and pinions him behind his back.] STRANGER Well, Patseen Corey, what do you think of the weather now? The wind is changed and we may be having a supeen of rain after all. POLICEMAN Glory be to the Lord, what's this? What's the meaning of this? STRANGER Don't distress yourself. You'll know in time enough when the marked half-crown is found. Robbing from the blind and infirm is a mighty bad charge to have against any man, Patseen Corey, much less an officer of the law. POLICEMAN Who in heaven's name are you? STRANGER I'm a special detective from Dublin looking for the bla'guard who broke into the Town Hall, and as I was informed that the police m these parts were neither useful nor ornamental I've been keeping them under observation. POLICEMAN The saints protect us! What's to becomie of me? STRANGER I'll take the you the shortest cut to the barracks. POLICEMAN The barracks? STRANGER Where else? SEUMAS O'BRIEN 21 POLICEMAN Holy murder and bloody wars, what am I to do at all? You wouldn't have the heart to clap me in prison surely, and I with a wife, four children and another one coming? STRANGER The less disturbance the better. I'll take you across the fields where only the crows will see you. POLICEMAN Look here, sir. I have fifty pounds that I'm bringing to the bank for herself, and I'll give it all to you if you will only set me free. STRANGER Are you aware that this is bribery? POLICEMAN But think of herself and the children? Five helpless people depending on me for their living. All I ask is a little mercy for their sake. No one will be the wiser and you will be the richer by fifty pounds. STRANGER Little mercy you have showed to the poor, harm- less creature at the corner there whom you must have robbed more than once, I'm thinking. BLIND MAN That's the gospel truth, stranger. The gospel truth. POLICEMAN Open the handcuffs, and the money is yours. STRANGER Before accepting the offer, which I am doing un- willingly, remember, I wish it to be understood that when the money is paid and you are set free 22 BLIND you will forget all about the marauder who's still at large. [Pointing to the proclamation.] That fifty pounds must go to me, too. POLICEMAN I'll promise never to arrest another living soul in the world if you only take off the handcuffs before anyone comes along. I STRANGER Where do you keep the money ? POLICEMAN In my inside pocket. STRANGER His inside pocket. [Opens his tunic and takes out the money.] Ah, here it is. Four tens and two fives. That's fifty, sure enough. POLICEMAN Open the handcuffs, if you please. [The stranger's back is turned, the police- man walks up to him and nudges him with his shoulder. The stranger turns around, sees the watch in his hand, takes it, examines it and puts it into his own pocket. Then he opens the hand- cuffs.] STRANGER [Giving him a push.] Be off with yourself now, you big, clumsy cam- bogue and take my advice and don't be seen hang- ing around here again until I find the man I'm looking for. SEUMAS O'BRIEN 23 POLICEMAN Ten thousand blessings on you, sir. I don't know how to thank you, indeed I don't, for your great kindness and act of charity. Won't I be allowed to shake hands with my friend and benefactor? STRANGER Shake the hands of a thief and a robber, is it? Oh, no ! POLICEMAN [Exit Stranger.] Good-bye and God bless you, sir. BLIND MAN Patseen 1 POLICEMAN [Turning back.] What is it, Johnny? BLIND MAN It was well you were a married man and burdened with a wife and family. POLICEMAN Yes, Johnny, yes. [As he goes out, Stranger re-enters.] STRANGER [To the blind man.] Well, Uncle Johnny, that was a wonderful scheme of yours entirely. A fox is only a fool to you. We got the fifty pounds, though I thought we wouldn't, and Patseen Corey will never guess now that 'twas yourself broke into the Town Hall. [Handing notes.] Here's your share. Uncle Johnny, two tens and one five. 24 BLIND BLIND MAN [Lifts the badge off his eye, and looks at the notes.] Ha! ha! ha! 'Tis a long lane that has no turn- ing. [Patting Stranger on the shoulder.] God bless you, Shaun. 'Tis your father's skin you have on you surely, and no one can say that you're not a credit to the family. STRANGER [Handing back his glasses.] You'll see better with these peepers, Uncle Johnny. BLIND MAN [Puts on the glasses and examines the notes.] Two tens and a five. A good day's work, Shaun, a good day's work! Whist, whist. Someone's coming. 'Tis his Reverence. I know his step. [Hides the notes in his stocking and reads.] "They grope in the dark without light and He maketh them to stagger like a drunken man." Pity the blind! Pity the blind! Pity a poor old blind man. Curtain LIBRARY OF CONGRESS ■■■. 018 392 106 ft • 1