/^ Wronq ers Ummh T^rke, 25 GetOs 9loyalty;i5.^ " 2 " 2 «* I>^ " 2 " 2 « 'A " 2 « H " 2jP^ " 2 " 2 " 2 «« 2 " X " 2>^ " 2 2 « 2X " 2>^ " H " 2>^ " 2 " 2X « Price 25c 25G 25c 25c 25c 25 c 25 c 25 c 25c 25c 25c 25 c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25 c 25c 25c '5c 25c 25 c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 15c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 2[;c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 250 Royalty Free Special Free i( 10.00 Free ^5.00 Special Free Special Free special " royalties, see catalogue descriptions for detailed information. BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass* Wrong Numbers A Triologue Without a Moral By ESSEX DANE Author of"Fleurette ^ Co.* PLEASE NOTICE The acting rights in this play are strictly reserved and per- formance is forbidden unless the express written permission of the author first be obtained. Amateurs may obtain per- mission to produce it privately upon payment of a fee of five dollars ($5.00) for each performance, in advance. All payments should be made and correspondence should be addressed to Miss Essex Dane, care of Messrs. Thomas Cook & Son, 561 Fifth Avenue, New York City. BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1919 Wrong Numbers CHARACTERS ^ Number i. Number 2, A Waitress. Scene. — A quiet screened-off corner, in one of the city depart- ment stores. Time. — One of the big sale-days, during the lunch hour. PROPERTIES A big fourfold screen. Table. Three chairs. Table-cloth. (9«^ dinner-napkin. Two small individual teapots. Two cups and saucers. Two teaspoons, knives, and forks. Pepperette and salt- shaker. Service tray. Two plates. Sz/ver sugar-how]. A club sandwicii. Chicken salad. Muff with a revolver securely fixed inside. A velvet jewel case containing a pen4^nt. A large knit- ting-bag. Two brass detective badges, absolutely alike. Eight or ten dollar-bills in an envelope. A pocketbook with a visiting card inside. A watch. A little " check-block " with pencil at- tached. The stolen articles for No. i must be left to the players' dis- cretion, but should be about twelve articles of very dainty women's wear, and jewelry. Silk lingerie, boudoir caps, silk stockings, perfume, gloves, etc. Copyright, 1 9 19, by Essex Dane As author and proprietor Professional stage and moving picture fights reserved, ©GI.D 51779 m 10 1919 PLEASE NOTICE The acting rights in this play are strictly reserved by the author. Applications for its use should be addressed to MisS Essex Dane, care of Thomas Cook & Son, 561 Fifth Avenue, New York City. Attention is called to the penalties provided by the Copyright Law of the United States of America in force July I, 1909, for any infringement of her rights, as follows : Sbc. 28. That any person who wilfully and for profit shall infringe any Copyright secured by this Act, or who shall knowingly and wilfully aid or abet such infringement, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction thereof shall be punished by imprisonment for not ex- ceeding one year or by a fine of not less than one hundred dollars, or both, at the discretion of the court. Sbc. 29. That any person who, with fraudulent intent, shall insert or impress any notice of Copyright required by this Act, or words of the same purport, in or upon any uncopyrighted article, or with fraudulent in- tent shall remove or alter the copyright notice upon any article duly copy- righted shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of not less than one hundred dollars and not more than one thousand dollars. Wrong Numbers The scenery is of the simplest. A fourfold screen is set at the back of the stage, behind which is supposed to be the restaurant of a large department store — Messrs. Altermaker's. An ordinary table, not less than a yard square, occupies the center of the scene, right and left of which are two chairs. A third chair is pushed under table at back facing audience. A white cloth covers the table, and service for two, of the com- mon variety used in such places, is already on the table. Also a well-thumbed menu card. There is a small service-table up center back at left of screen, which the Waitress uses to arrange her trays. {A Waitress appears from behind the screen. She goes to table, and pulls out chair l. of table; then goes and looks off behind screen, and beckons to some one; comes back to chair, and speaks.) Wait. Guess you can sit here. {She stands in readi- ness. A ladylike woman. Number One, enters, carrying a large knitting-bag and a parcel or two. She is evi- dently tired, and a trifle nervous and jumpy in manner. Her hat is slightly out of angle, her hair a little untidy, as a woman looks after a long day's shopping. She ad- vances to table, drops into chair, and sheds her packages into chair next to her, at back of table. Wait., chewing and friendly.) Rest'ront's pretty full to-day! Some bargain sale, eh? No. I. I'm tired out. (Takes off gloves.) Wait. Miss Medwin, our " Supe," generally has her lunch here behind the screen — it's quiet. But she's away to-day — got the " grippe " — 'so I guess you'll be all right. 6 WRONG NUMBERS No. I. Thank you. There wasn't a seat in the place. Wait. / know it! {Hands menu to her.) What 'cher goin' to have? {Chews.) No I. {looking it over wearily). Oh, J don't know! Oh — bring some corn-beef hash, and Wait, {inexorable as Fate). No corn-beef hash — no beef-stew. Chicken-stew {running it off as one word), fishballs — gumbo — oyster patties— blackfish — whitefish — bluefish No. I {shuddering). Oh, no i Bring me {an idea) a club sandwich and — a pot of green tea — very strong. Wait, {disdainfully). Huh! They all want "green tea very strong" — on sale-days. Awright. {Goes out chewing.) (Woman watches her off, then cautiously takes up hand-hag, tries to get something out of it, fails, feels anxiously, turns it upside down and shakes it. A small velvet jewel-case falls out on the ground. She snatches it up carefully, with a little exclamation.) No. I. .Gee! I thought I'd lost it! {She opens the case, holding it close to her body as she does so. ) It was worth it ! It sure was ! ( With a sigh of satisfaction she shuts case and stows it away inside her waist. Another woman. Number Two, charming of manner, well-bred, and well- dressed, appears round the corner of the screen. She looks about doubtfully. No. i looks round, with a start at the newcomer; seeing she is just another shopper, she gets out her vanity-case and primps herself with aloof indifference.) No. 2. Oh ! Pardon me ! {Is about to withdraw; then seems to think better of it. Looks at vacant seat opposite No. I, then at No. i.) Is this place private? No. I {reluctantly) . Well — er — I— er No. 2 {pleasantly) . The restaurant's full . . . there isn't a vacant seat . . . I've been shopping all the morning . . . I'm just dropping. {Looks hesi- tatingly at No. I.) I wonder if I might ? {Waits; no response.) I wonder if you'd object — if I sat at this WRONG NUMBERS 7 table? (No answer; then charmingly.) Vm dreadfully tired ! And hungry too — the store's so crowded. Would you mind ? No. I (trying to put her off). It isn't my table — it's — the superintendent's. They only put me here as a spe- cial — a great favor — because — — No. 2 (pleading charmingly). If you don't mind, I don't believe they will. (^Indicating restaurant behind the screen.) I can't stand the clatter in there — and I should have to- wait hours. (She has now worked her- self right in front of the vacant chair, ready to drop into it; she waits No. I's word of permission, hut nothing comes. No. 2, gratefully, as if No. i had spoken^ Thank you so much. (She drops into seat and makes herself quite at home, disposing her hand-hag and large muff which she carries — the muff in her lap, and the hag on tahle hy her side.) I blame myself for coming here to-day. The women are like savages. (Examin- ing her sleeve.) I got my coat torn! They lose their heads completely — ^^clawing and scratching! Wonder they don't bite! And yet, I dare say, in their homes they're well-behaved ladies, just like — you or I. (She picks up menu, smiles pleasantly and studies it; there is no encouragement coming from the other side of the table. Waitress returns with order for No. I.) Wait, (looking down on tray and setting order on table). Pretty quick, eh? You're in luck to-day, to have this all to your (She sees newcomer; stops and looks at her, then stares again. Then says, softly, as a sort of exclamation to herself.) Hul — lo! No. 2 (charmingly unperturbed) . I'm lunching here — (eyes on menu) with this lady. Wait, (softly, same tone). 'S that so! No. 2 (same business). When you've got everything she wants, will you take my order, please ? Wait, (staring hard, but speaking softly). Oh, I see! (Offhand tone.) I suppose so! No. 2 (going on very quickly). Just bring me — (con- sidering menu) chicken salad and ice-cream — and a — — 8 WRONG NUMBEBIS Wait, {anticipating her). Pot — of — green — tea. No. 2. Quite strong. Thanks. Yes. (Looks Wait- ress in the eye. Waitress moves away grinning dis- dainfully.) JHere! (No. 2 takes coin from pocket and hands it to Waitress.) Soon as you can. (Waitress takes money, moves away to exit r., look- ing at it; then turns sharply, looks at No. 2 and says with venom. ) Wait. Some people have a noive ! Huh ! {She goes off, chewing.) No. 2 {smiling). I suppose she doesn't like my com- ing here! {Turning round and dismissing Waitress from her thoughts.) Do you know — when I first saw you, I thought you were a friend of mine. No. I {looking at her out of the tail of her eye) . Yes ? No. 2. Then you spoke, and I knew it wasn't. My friend lives at — er — Ossining. Charming neighborhood — except, of course, that the great prison's there. My friend's not able to get about. She's confined — (No. i looks up sharply) oh, not in the prison — to her room; so I knew, of course, it couldn't be, unless (No. i moves in her seat ever so slightly.) You don't mind my talking to you, do you ? It seems so silly to sit here with- out speaking. Men don't do it ! ( No. i sits frigid, mak- ing no response. No. 2 makes a little gesture of despair with her eyes and head.) Did you get any bargains to-day ? No. I {thawing, oh so slightly). One or two. {With a certain twinkle.) They've some wonderful things at the lace-counter ! No. 2 ( thankful for small mercies) . Yes, Altermaker's is such a reliable store ! ( The Waitress enters, dump- ing things that No. 2 has ordered down on table before her.) Ah \ {Prepares to eat.) Napkin, please. (Wait- ress is standing, back to the audience, absorbed in ar- ranging her back hair.) I want a napkin. Wait, {turning her head but not her body). I heard you the first time. WRONG NUMBERS 9 {She speaks indifferently, hut not rudely,) No. 2. That's a new girl, Fm sure. If she guessed to whom she was talking, she'd be more careful. (No. i looks up sharply. Waitress, with a sudden thought, turns sharply round, and grabs plated mustard-pot from the table. No. 2, annoyed.) I was just going to use that! (Waitress continues zvalking off with the mus- tard-pot, R.) Don't take that away, I want it! Wait, {continuing her walk). So do /. I'm respon- sible for it. ^ [Exits, r. No. 2 {rises, really angry, looking after her). I've a good mind to {Then thinks better of it.) She'd be sorry, if she knew. She might lose her job. No. I {with a reflective eye). What do you mean — "knew"? No. 2. Well, I have a — kind of a — pull here. I'm known fairly well at this store. {With a quiet little chuckle to herself. ) You were telling me about the bar- gains you picked up to-day. No. I. Was I? I don't think so! No. 2. Yes. At the lace-counter. Or was it the jewelry f No. I. I don't remember that I said anything about No. 2. Oh, yes. Speaking of jewelry, did you see those remarkably beautiful pendants they had there ? No. I. I didn't notice them. Pepper? . {Handing pepperette.) No. 2 {taking it). Thanks. Platinum — and diamond. And a single colored stone in each. It's not often you see things of that value in a department store. Dreicer's or Tiffany's more likely. I saw you examining them. No. I. Was I at the jewelry? I don't think so! {She is puzzled and suspicious at this reference to the jewelry. ) No. 2. Of course you were. I noticed you. It was at the — er — /ac^-counter that I. met you first — then, at the lingerie — funny we should meet there too, wasn't it? And then, when we were both pricing those pendants at 10 WRONG NUMBERS the jeweler's — or rather you were pricing them — / was just admiring them. No. I. Yes, but they were too dear for me — er (Stops dead.) No. 2 (sweetly). Ah, I knew you'd recollect! But weren't you there when it happened ? No. I. What happened? No. 2 (terribly disappointed). Oh — you missed it then! I'd gone over to the opposite counter — (smiling) fortunate I had, as it turned out ! — when suddenly I heard the clerk call out from the jewelry: "Hullo! Where's the pendant with the sapphire! It's gone! My God it's gone!'' (Looks largely at No. i.) And it was gone!— Or he said it was ! Such a fuss ! No. I. I went up-stairs before that happened. No, 2. It was thrilling ! Everybody looked at every- body else suspiciously. I thought they were going to arrest us all. But what could they do? They couldn't search the whole crowd. No. I (busy with lunch). Didn't they — get the thief? No. 2. Not when / left. I bet they're watching the doors pretty carefully now! No. I (looking up). Now! But that wsls— (checks herself) some time ago. No. 2. Yes, but — a clever store-thief rarely leaves the ground at once. No. I. No? No. 2. Oh, no ! They know too much for that. They mingle with the crowd, and get by, in spite of the detect- ives, an hour — or two or three hours later. . No. I. Very interesting. No. 2. This one, whoever she was, was smart. She's probably walking leisurely about the store now — shopping with all the coolness in the world, outwardly — -but in- side (She laughs and shakes her head.) Funny places, these stores ! You never know, do you, who any- body is that you're rubbing elbows with ? That thief — it might be you — it might be /, for all you know or / know, '{She has her eyes on the other, but quite inoffensively.) WRONG NUMBERS II No. I (rising, raging inwardly, and glad of an excuse to show it). I don't know you. You're a complete stranger — and I think you're pretty insolent. No. 2 (pleasantly amused). Not at all. No. I (furious). Yovi — a complete stranger — come and plant yourself opposite to me and insinuate that / might be — a thief! No. 2 ( quietly). Well, so you might be ! You forget — I included myself, too. I said : " For all we know — either of us might be." (Laughing quietly.) Perhaps it was a silly remark to make to a stranger, but you must admit it's a fascinating situation. (Silence.) Of course it's ridiculous, because I could very easily prove who / am, and I'm sure you could do the same. No. I (laughing uneasily). Of course. But then, the fascination would be gone. (She leans right over the table, looking squarely into No. 2's face.) No. 2 (same business) . Whereas, now — (little pause) we're " Women of Mystery." (A tense little pause, while they look straight in each other's eyes over the table.) No. I (with an uneasy little laugh, breaking the ten- sion). Yes. Er — may I trouble you for the salt? No, 2 (not moving, her eyes still fixed on No. i). Certainly. (Another pause.) -Now I come to think of it, since you took what I said too seriously — (decisively) let's do it. No. I (apprehensively) . Do what? No. 2. Let's prove to each other who we are. No. I (stiffly). Really, I'm not interested. No. 2. It will take the strain off the situation. (Pause. ) Well, now? (Pause.) Well? — 'Oh, I see — you want me to begin. AH right! 77/ own up first. (She rises, opens coat and shows a badge, points to it as she speaks.) That's who I am — Store Detective Number Three — at Messrs. Altermaker and Company, New York. Now it's your turn. (No. i is staring at her curiously.) What's the matter? 12 WRONG NUMBERS No. I (sitting forward and speaking in a queen voice). What do you want? No. 2 (still pleasantly, but with certain inflexions). If you'd happened to be down-stairs just now, at the jeweler's when that robbery was committed, you'd have had to give your name and address. You wouldn't have minded, zvould you? Would youf (Silence.) Well— who are youf (The other has risen, facing her, and is nervously clutching the table.) No. I (hoarsely). What's your game? No. 2. Game ? No. I. Oh, cut it out! What do you want? No. 2 (looking her straight in the eye). I'm glad you're so — understanding. It saves a whole lot of trouble. I'll tell you what I want. No. I (trying a big bluff). I've had enough of your impertinence. (She makes a dash for the screen.) No. 2 (after her like lightning). Here — here! (She catches No, i by the wrist, and holds her.) You began so well — keep it up — keep quiet. That's right! No. I. How dare No. 2. S-s-sh ! Don't raise your voice ! There are people sitting within twenty yards of that screen — you might bring others here. You don't want that, do you? Better face it out with me, quietly. (They look each other in the eyes.) No. I (fiercely, but without moving). Take your hand off ! No. 2. AH right. (She lets go.) But don't try a " get-away " — because you won't pull it off. You're un- der suspicion already. No. I (fearfully) . What do you mean? No. 2. Didn't you see the waitress's manner? She suspected there was something wrong with you, directly she saw me with you. Better keep still. (No. i sub- sides sullenly. ) It was a pretty pendant, wasn't it ? No. I (in sullen defiance). Pendant — I don't know what you're talking about. WRONG NUMBERS I3 No. 2. I mean, it was such a neat piece of work, it's a shame to spoil it! But I've got to spoil it. It's my — living. I've been trailing you for two hours. No. I {flinging herself sullenly into chair L. of table). Much good may it do you! No. 2. You began at the glove counter. From there to the leather goods — but you drew a blank there. Then you went to the perfumes. You have very good taste in perfumes ! From there to the lingerie — that was a big haul! {She looks over at the big knitting-bag hanging on No. I's chair.) Suppose they're in there, eh? Handy things, those big knitting-bags ! I was lost in admiration of your work! But it' was at the jewelry that I handed it to you ! Not a soul suspected you but / — you'd have got away — but for me. What a shame ! {She drops bantering tone.) Come — throw up your cards — come across ! No. I {desperately). See here! I'm not interested in this — I don't know what the hell you're driving at ! {She makes a rush to get out r.) No. 2 {her hand in her muff). Don't move! I've a little friend here that will stop you if you try a " get- away." {She has drawn back the end of her muff and the glint of steel of a small revolver is showing. No. i has stopped dead at the words " Don't move "; she turns slowly, sees the weapon, and crumples.) Sit down! No. I {crumpling). My God! {She sinks in chair l.) No. 2. Pull yourself together. {She looks round, keeping No. i covered.) And if the waitress comes back, keep your eyes down, and keep still. No. I. What are you going to do? No. 2. Well, it depends a good deal on you. I've made my living this way now for some time, but I haven't lost all feeling — yet! One thing's certain. You'll have to turn over the goods. {Pause.) Will you? Or won't you? {Pause.) Oh, well, if you won't, then there's only one thing to be done. I must 14 WRONG NUMBERS {She has moved up to screen as if to call some one.) No. I (breaking up, and stopping her). Oh, please — please. Don't! Don't! I give up! I can't go on! I'm all in ! I'm new at the game. I'm not an old hand; and if you knew the things that have led up to it — you're a woman, too, and if you've got any heart you can't let them get me. I'll tell you — God, what a life! I've got a kid — a baby ; its father's a brute to us both. New York,' and not a dollar — d'ye know what that's like? That's what I've had to face — New York and not a dime to buy a dinner ! With a kid to keep as well as yourself. That's w^hat I've had to face in this damned city. You said you had a heart. {Bitterly. ) Yes — you look it ! Oh, what's the good of telling you! What's the use! No. 2. Go on — better tell it all out. No. I. He went off and left me with the kid — I hadn't a cent! I had to face the situation squarely. (Pulling herself together.) I said to myself : ** If I've got to be a crook to live — I'll be sl crook ! " If was for the child's sake — and my own — Fd got to live as well, hadn't I? (Fiercely.) Hadn't I? No. 2. We all think it's necessary, but it isn't. Go on. No. I. I found this was easy. I'd got a gift — a knaclz of doing it. It's kept us both in comfort for weeks. I've done it for my baby, and I'd do it again! I'd go on doing it — and doing it — for her. (Breaks down, sobbing, on the other's left shoulder, clinging to her.) No. 2 (with the air of a connoisseur). Ah, that's good — that's good. That was well done! (She pats No. I soothingly. No. i twists her head, and looks up in No. 2's face, a question in her expression; but No. 2 is inscrutable. No. i bursts out sobbing afresh.) Now, I told you I hadn't lost all heart yet, and if you do as I tell you, I'll get you out of it — this once; but you must obey me quickly, and give me no trouble. No. I (quickly going on her knees, catches No. 2's hand). .What do you want me to do? (Eagerly.) I swear to you WRONG NUMBERS I5 No. 2. Oh, I'm not going to extract any promises from you — you wouldn't keep them" if I did. If you go on with this game you'll get caught all right. (Roughly.) You're the type that gets caught. But that's your look- out. They say women are hard on each other. (She looks at No. I a moment; No. i watches her very anx- iously.) I'll give you a chance. (No. i moves as if to kiss her hand, hut No. 2 grips her hands quickly, stopping her.) But, first, you must give up everything you took. I'll take charge of it. No. I (half -sobbing still and crumpled), Awright! No. 2. Everything, mind — the things I saw you take, and the things I didn't see you take. I know the ways of you people. You keep your fingers in practice at every counter you pass. (Sternly.) Now No. I. You'll get me out of this place — you swear it? No. 2. No, I promise. Just as good. No. I (sobbing still). Awright! (With nervous fingers No. i disengages the loot from knitting-bag, sleeves, pocket. Several yards of lace she pulls out of the front of her dress, a pair of silk stockings she draws from up her sleeve. N. B. These things must he left to the discretion of the players. There should he about a dozen articles in all. She dumps them on table, with ill-concealed rage, and sobs. Last, with a look of ex- treme hashfulness at No. 2, she turns, slightly, and ex- tracts, a silver vanity-case from her stocking.) That's the lot. (They eye each other without flinching.) Honest to God that's the lot ! No. 2. I'm sorry, but I shall have to ask you to pass over the hag. No. I (getting in front of it). There's nothing in it! No. 2. Of course not! Well, then, you can't object to hand it over. Hurry up ! (Holds out hand. Sid- lenly. No. i passes it. No. 2 feels about in it swiftly, and professionally. ) Ah — that's a good idea. I haven't seen one like this before! Quite clever! (Stops sud- denly.) Secret pocket ! Naturally. (No. i shows signs of great interest, while No. 2 extracts a pockethook. and takes out a card; reading card.) " Mrs. Van Duysen, 1300 Riverside Drive." (Holds out card under No. I's l6 WRONG NUMBERS nose.) That's not your address! (Throws away card and feels in other side of pockethook, her eyes on No. I's face. Drawing a roll of bills from an envelope which she has taken from case, counting them.) Thirty-five, fifty-five, seventy-five, ninety-five, one hundred! No. I {raging). Aren't you going to leave me a car- fare? No. 2. I'll leave you this five-dollar bill. {She holds up the hill and puts it hack in the envelope.) I'll put it in the envelope. I want th& hag. {She throws envelope on table, puts roll of bills in her hand-bag, from which she takes a pencil, sits, thrusts her hand in the muff, and writes on the envelope, her hand thrust through the muff, containing the revolver. No. i sees her opportunity to sneak off, but just as she reaches the screen No. 2 gives a short cough, and lets the revolver be seen in her hand. No. I stop^ dead in her sneak-off and waits, her eyes on the weapon. No. 2 looks up and holds out envelope.) For the "kid"! {Hands it to No. i, who snatches it quickly.) And now-- — ? {She holds out her hand expectantly.) No. I {eagerly, and with a swift movement to the exit). I can go, can't I? No. 2 {with a still swifter movement, blocking her exit, getting before her). Oh, no! Just ow^ thing more. {They face each other.) Think! Think hard! {She again lets the barrel of her revolver be seen through the muff; with a quiet smile.) Think very hard ! No. I {seeing the game is up). I forgot. No. 2 {smiling sweetly). Fancy! (No. i reluctantly takes a velvet jewel-case out of the bosom of her dress and sullenly hands it over. No. 2 opens it and looks at it admiringly.) It is — a beauty! Hard to part with it! {She shuts it up, and pockets it.) You have my sym- pathy. {She becomes very short and businesslike.) Now, listen ! Pay attention, or I can't answer that you'll get off. You'll sit there^qmetly — {indicates chair l. of table) for five minutes after I leave you. (No. i drops sidlenly into the chair, her hands in her pockets, the WRONG NUMBERS 17 picture of gloom. No. 2, suddenly.') Put your watch on the table in front of you. Have you a watch? {The other looks at her, and hesitates.) Oh ! Surely you have somebody's watch ! (No. i produces watch; No. 2, setting up watch on table.) Pretend to finish your lunch, pay the bill, then walk out leisurely, stopping nowhere, at the up town entrance. Don't hurry, and don't be afraid. No one will touch you ! {She looks round, picks up knitting- bag and, with swift movements, collects the stolen articles and thrusts them in the bag, as she talks.) Now, it's for you to decide about the future — but I'll give you a tip. I advise you, for your "' kid's " sake, to try another pro- fession. You're not clever enough for this one. You won't succeed. You're not an artist. {She is up by the screen.) You broke down too soon. You should have bluffed it out — just two minutes longer ! {She looks off into the main restaurant. ) Two minutes ! Remember my words. {She glances off again.) Good-bye! (No. I sits, her hands in her pockets, staring at the watch. After a second the Waitress comes in with check, which she is making out. She saunters over, writing.) Wait. Here's your check. {She looks up, suddenly, seeing the empty seat.) Hullo! {Very sharply.) Where's she gone ? To powder her nose ? No. I {coming out of her stupor). No. Wait, {excitedly). Gone! Left! What about her check ? No. I {bewildered). I — I Wait, {with rising excitement). What about hers? No. I. I never thought about it! Wait. She did though ! She's a smarty all right ! No. I. What do you mean? Wait. I'm surprised at you! Lunching with that! No. I {supposing she is alluding to the detective). You know who she is ? Wait, {proudly). I. should ^ay so! I'd have handed her something, but Fm a bit afraid of dirt like her. They; l8 WRONG NUMBEI^S always get back at you. (Disdainfully.) Know who she is! Some of our people would like to get their fingers on her! ' No. I (staring). " Get their fingers on her? " What do you mean — " get their fingers on her "? ^ Wait. That's ''Stunning Sadie/' that is — Stunning Sadie — one of the slickest crooks in New York ! No. I (jumping up as if shot). What! Wait. I thought you was her friend! No. I (collapsing). Gord! Wait. They all know her, but they can't run her down. They'll get her some day — and then — " Good- night.'* (Suddenly, realizing how she has been done. No. I makes a headlong dive' for the door. Waitress catches her and swings her round.) Jlere — here! Pay your bill first. Pay her bill, won't you ? I let you in this corner for lunch ! Pay it — aw gwan, pay it, or they'll stop it out of my pay. (Holding on to No. i.) No. I. I can't! She made me hand over everything! " Store Detective Number Three " ! Wait, (staring). What do you mean — "Store De- tective"? No. I. Didn't leave me a car-fare! (Suddenly re- membering.) Yes, she did — the bill! The five-dollar bill " for the kid." (She eagerly opens, the envelope that " Stunning Sadie " gave her. She takes out a piece of paper — her face falls, and she says, staring at it.) One word!, (Reading from paper.) "Thanks." Wait, (anxiously watching). Where's the five dollars ? No. I (furious; throwing down paper). Gone ! Damn I Wait, (eyes like saucers). Gee! (Hurries off, say- ing. ) Here, / must see about this ! No. I (starting up and getting ready to go, arranging veil, gloves, etc., with trembling fingers, and speaking be- tween snivelling and rage). It was a good game, " Stunning Sadie," a good game! But I put one over on you, I did! I got sl bit oi my own back! When I cried on your shoulder — (mimic ks) " My poor kid — my starv- ing kid" — I copped your l?adge ! (She smirks, and draws from her pocket the badge worn by " Stunning Sadie " — a brass article, with a large "j" on it.) I got your WRONG NUMBERS I9 badge, " Detective Number Three." {She holds it up in triumph, and pins it on her left side, where "Stunning Sadie " wore it. Mimicking " Stunning Sadie's " man- ner. ) "" That's who / am ! " It's a good One ! It's a damned good one! (Up at exit.) I'm off — to try the trick, myself. (She goes out in triumph.) CURTAIN THE CRIMSON COCOANUT And Other Plays By Ian Hay This collection contains the following titles, all of which can be con- fidently recommended for amateur performance in schools or elsewhere as high in tone and exceptionally amusing. Mr. Hay is well known as a novelist and literary man. THE CRIMSON COCOANUT An Absurdity in One Act. Four males, two females. Costumes, mocjern ; scenery, an interior. Plays thirty-five minutes. Mr. Pincher, of Scot- land Yard, in pursuit of some dangerous anarchists, entangles the lady of his choice and her father in some humorous perils, but ends by cap- turing both the criminals and the lady. Author's royalty of ^5.00 for amateur performance. A LATE DELIVERY A Play in Three Episodes. Three males, two females. Scene, an in- terior ; costumes, modern. Plays forty minutes. Bill, a middle-aged admirer of Marjorie, learns just as he has finished a letter to her propos- ing marriage that Tim, a young man, is also in love with her. He as- sumes her to love his rival and does not mail the letter. She finds it on his desk and opens it, and learning the truth makes choice of the older and better man. Royalty for amateurs, ^5.00 for each performance. THE MISSING CARD A Comedietta in One Act, Two males, two females. Scene, an in- terior ; costumes, modern. Plays thirty minutes. Two elderly admirers of Mrs. Millington decide to deal the pack to see which shall first propose to her, the one who gets the Queen of Hearts to win. She privately takes this card out of the pack and when they have gone through it in vain, announces her engagement to another man. Royalty for amateurs, j?5.oo a performance. PricCi all three in one volume ^ jo cents THE MARRIAGE OF JACK AND JILL A Mother Goose Entertainment in Two Scenes By Lilian Clisby Bridgham Forty children. Costumes, wedding ; no scenery required. Plays forty minutes. A Mother Goose wedding and reception carried out by the smallest children. Very pretty and easy to get up ; strongly recommende\ Italian Mrs, Marston, who is taking Peter Levaggi ) family. John7ty with her. Mrs. Fussy, a rich woman, very Michael Murphy, who is polite. fussy. ' Israel Levitsky, who cannot Robert, her nephew, anxious to speak English. please. Mrs. Precise "I very prim Mame Jones ] , . , Mrs. Mannerly j ladies. Liz Smith yowery gins. y^^^ Smarty, who tries to be Mrs. Mulligan, with her four funny. children. Mr. Austin, who feels rather Rube Hickey ] who are going cranky. Sal Sofer j to the circus. 'Rastus Jones, a darkey taking Edythe Ray \ high school his first ride. Pauline Porter ] girls. Saul Cohen, an elderly Jew. Mrs. Cross. Neither the Levaggi nor the Mulligan children have any speaking part Some characters may be omitted if desired and some can take two or more parts, !\s nearly all the parts are short and easy. The children's parts may be taken by adults dressed as children if desired. RED CAP A Play for Children in Two Acts By Mary Willard Keyes Five male, ten female characters ; some of the parts may be taken by either boys or girls. Scenery natural ; if produced indoors, easily ar- ranged or largely dispensed with. Costumes, simple. Plays an hour and a quarter. A very pretty play for children, not at all difficult, wholly suited for performance by Girl Scouts or by summer camping parties. Its very graceful and interesting story inculcates a love of outdoor life and consideration for animals and flowers, but it is never didactic in effect and is always thoroughly entertaining. Alicia and Nancy, rambling upon the mountain on Midsummer Day, are given a glimpse of Fairyland and its secrets and take away from their experience some very valuable lessons. A small royalty of ^5.00 is asked for its performance. Price, 2^ cents CHARACTERS Alicia, a girl of fourteen. Dryad of the Beech. Nancy, about the same age. Dryad of the White Birch. Father Mountain. Dryad of the Pine. Lycinthia, a water nymph. Mirabel 1 ^ />„v,Vc Farael, guardian of the birds. Briar Rose J J^ower jairies. Dorian, guardian of the little Fire Sprite. wild beasts. Breeze. Fungus Dod Fungus Tod elves. DOUBLE-CROSSED A Comedy in One Act By Charles C Mather Three males, three females. Costumes, modern ; scene, an interior. Plays thirty minutes, Mel Treman cannot decide which of two girls he wants to marry, and proposing to both in turn, is surprised to be rejected by both. Before he recovers from the shock, number one telephones that she has changed her mind, and the next mail brings word from the other that she too will be his. How he gets out of it is the story of a very funny play. Highly recommended. Price, IS cents DISPATCHES FROM WASHINGTON A Play in One Act By Charles C. Mather Three males, five females. Costumes of the Revolution ; scene, an easy exterior. Plays twenty minutes. Jonathan Fisher, the bearer of dispatches for General Washington, faces capture by the British but is rescued by a clever ruse by five patriotic girls. Can be recomroendecl. Price, i^ cmts 'S and Novelties That Have Been '* Winners " Play; The Americana Aniiffi's Trial Art Ctu3)s are Trumps Bebind the Scenes The Camp Fire Girls A Case for Sherlock {iolmes The Farmerette Getting the Range Her First Assigflojeot Hitty's Service Fiag Joint Owners in Spaia A King's Daughter The Knitting Club Akets A Udy to Cail Leave it to Pol!y The Minute Maa Miss Fearless & Co. A Modern Cinderella Moth-Balis Rebecca's Triumph The Thirteenth Star Twelve Old Maids An Awkward Squad The Blow Up of Algernon Blew The Boy Scouts A Close Shave The First National Boot A Half- Back's Interference His Father's Son The Man With the Nose On the Quiet The People's Money A Regular Rah I Rah ! Boy A Regular Scream Schmerecase in School The Scoutmaster The Tramps' Convention The Turn in the Road Wanted— A Pitcher What They Did for Jenkins Aunt Jerusha's Quilting Party The District School at Blueberry Corners The Emigrants* Party Miss Prim's Kindergarten A Pageant of History The Revel of the Year Scenes in the Union Depot Taking the Census in Bingvllle The Village Post-Office Women in War Males 8 8 20 6 7 10 14 8 12 II 14 II 9 10 17 9 II 14 4 FsTiia les Time Trice Roy»ltj II ^Vz hrs. 250 JVee II 2 « 25c « 12 V2 (( 25c «( 12 ^'A « 2SC t* 15 2 « ^S^ tt 10 i^ *t 25c u 7 2 « 25c (* 8 Yz « 2SC u 10 I (( 15c u II IX « 25c (« 4 % « 25c $S'°o II 2 « 25c Free 9 % « 25c (« 3 % (t 15c « II ^% <* 2SC « 13 ^Vz « 25c 4( 10 2 « 25c ** 16 'X « 25c « 3 % « 25c « 16 2 « 25c «< 9 ^% " 25c « 15 I u 25c « X l( 15c it % « 15c it 2 " 25c tt % « 15c tt 2 I it 15c ft H « 15c tt ^H « 25c tt H u 15c It ^H « 2SC « % « 25 c tt ^% « 25c tt iH « 25c tt 1 « 15c U 2 « 250 tt iK « 25c t* '^ <« 15c tt }i 4( 15c tt 2 M 2SC tt 12 IX (( 25c $t 12 17 I ** 25 c 24 10 I « 25c 10 II i}4 " 25c Any number 2 " 25c " « I « 25c 14 8 i>^ « 25c 22 20 2 « 25c II ^ " 15c BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass* "aiQfr: 4 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 4 Plays for Collej The Air Spy Bacheior ll&W The CoUege Chap The ColoneFs Maid Daddy The Deacon's Second Wife The District AUoraey The Duich Detecilve An Easy Mark The Elopement of Ellen Engaged by Wednesday The Farmerette For One Night Only Hamilton Higbee of Harvard Kitty's Service Flag The Hoodoo The Hurdy Qurdy Girl Katy Did Let's Get Married London Assurance Lost a Chaperon The Man from Brandon The Man Who Went The Man Without a Coumry Master Pierre Pateiin Me and Otis The Minute Man Mose Mr. Bob Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yard Nathan Hale Nephew or Uncle Professor Pepp A Regiment of Two The Revenge of Sharl-Hot-Su The Rivals The Romancers The Rose and the Ring Sally Lunn The School for Scandal She Stoops to Conquer Step Lively The Submarine Shell The Thirteenth Star The Time of His Life Tommy's Wife The Twig of Thora For " special Sr^' royalties, see catalogue descriptions for detailed information. BAKER, 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Mass. / LIBRARY OF CONGRESS illilllllllllllilllilllilillillii 015 905 249 7 t