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LETTERS 
 
 OF A 
 
 SELF-MADE PRESIDENT 
 
 BY 
 
 JAMES J. NEVILLE. 
 
 COPYEIGHT, 1905, BY 
 
 J. S. Ogilvie Publishing Company. 
 
 All Rights Reserved. 
 Copyrighted, 1905, in Great Britain. 
 
 New York : 
 
 J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 
 
 57 EosE Street. 
 
^^sy 
 
 LIBRARY Ot JONUKF.SS 
 fwu Oopt«s rtec«ji*oii 
 
 AUG 9 lyOb 
 
 Sopyriiini Lnu^y 
 «UPY U. 
 
Letters of a Self-Made 
 President 
 
 LETTER NO. 1. 
 
 The President, in his first letter to a per- 
 sonal friend after becoming the Nation's 
 Chief Executive, speaks of marked changes 
 he is going to make in the White House. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear P'riend : 
 
 It was a real pleasure to hear from you so 
 soon after my entering the White House to 
 take up the great responsibilities of the 
 Presidential office. It was very kind of you 
 to express your well-wishes in such happily 
 phrased language. 
 
4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 I feel rather strange here, but I will get 
 accustomed to the daily routine after a 
 while. I intend to change the White House 
 completely around. There has been too 
 many worn-out ideas prevailing here for 
 years. I promise you that during my term 
 of office things will move rapidly in Wash- 
 ington. I do not intend to be bound down 
 by any conventionalities, either while in the 
 White House or when I make a tour of the 
 country. 
 
 This morning I ordered the pictures of 
 Jefferson and AVashingtou removed from the 
 Blue Room and hung in the servants' quar- 
 ters. I shall replace them with some fine 
 hunting scenes that I had painted for me 
 many years ago. One picture, in particular, 
 I am very much pleased witlL It represents 
 the death of the last buffalo. I have ordered 
 it hung in the northeast corner of the Blue 
 I\oom. My other favorite hunting scene — 
 the one you have admired so many times — 
 will be the comi^anion picture. It has been 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 5 
 
 enlarged, and I look for the Washington cor- 
 respondents to pay a great deal of attention 
 to "The Battle of the Grizzlies." 
 
 I will keep in touch with you from time 
 to time. Have your ear to the political wires 
 all the time, my dear friend, and ascertain 
 what the politicians are saying about me 
 and what they intend to do at the national 
 convention three years from now. My cam- 
 paign for a second term will begin soon. I 
 look for a bitter fight, but I have no doubt 
 of the result. My political enemies will be 
 forced to accept me. 
 
 With good wishes, I am 
 
 Yours delightedly, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 2. 
 
 The President accepts gift of gold-plated 
 horseshoe from a pugilistic friend and offers 
 him position as Official Horseshoer at the 
 White House stables. 
 
6 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Fitz : 
 
 I received the gold-plated horseshoe this 
 morning. ]Many tlianks for this handsome 
 gift, which I shall always have on my desk. 
 I intend to keep it in the family, as it will 
 be of historic interest hundreds of years 
 after you and I have passed beyond. 
 
 You travel a great deal and meet thou- 
 sands of people. I wish you would talk me 
 up as much as possible. Such good fellows 
 as you do a candidate more good than you 
 really think you do. I want your support 
 and the support of all your friends. The 
 Presidential contest is going to be a lively 
 one and I am anxious to get the decision. 
 
 By the way, in the event of my election I 
 am going to secure a fine government job for 
 you. I shall have a law passe<l by Congress 
 naming you as Official Boxing Instructor 
 for the Senate and House. The provisions 
 of the law will compel every United St<ates 
 Senator and everv ^Member of Congress to 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 7 
 
 take boxing lessons from you. You can re- 
 tire from the prize ring then and settle down 
 to enjoy 'The Strenuous Life'' in Washing- 
 ton Avith men of high degree. 
 
 When you appear in Washington come to 
 the White House and take dinner with me. 
 Afterwards we will have a six-round setto 
 in my gymnasium. 
 
 As ever yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 P. S. — If you should decide not to accept 
 the position of boxing instructor, I would 
 gladly make you Official Horseshoer at the 
 White House stables. Perhaps you would 
 prefer this. Let me know soon. 
 
 LETTER NO. 3. 
 
 The President declines offer of a friend to 
 be his bodyguard, saying that he is heavily 
 
g LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 armed and would kill the man on sij^ht who 
 would attempt assassination. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Mr. Wtlllv:\i Ring, Deadwood, S. D. : 
 
 Dear Friend — I am sorry that T cannot 
 give you a position as bod^^guard to the Pres- 
 ident of the United States. Your letter in- 
 terested me very much. I know y<m would 
 be a valuable man around the White House 
 and would prove efficient and worthy. What 
 you say about the danger of assiissination 
 is quite true. liut I am carefully guarded. 
 I do not believe there is a ruler on earth wh.o 
 has more secret service men and spies 
 around liim tlian I have. They follow me 
 everywhere and every man is "arnu'd to the 
 teeth." 
 
 I always carry a self-cocking revolvei in 
 my hip-pocket, and if any crank or nnarchist 
 gets close enough to me and attempts to 
 take my life I will shoot him dead. A Presi- 
 dent would be justified in doing this. I 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 9 
 
 would not lose a second in killing the man 
 who would assassinate me. 
 
 In some other way, probably, I will be able 
 to help you in the near future. I hope you 
 will succeed in getting yourself elected a 
 delegate to the national convention from 
 your State. 
 
 Sincerely yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 4. 
 
 The President begins his hunt for dele- 
 gates to the National Convention and writes 
 a friend to start out and corral the South- 
 ern negroes. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Jim : 
 
 Very likely before this letter reaches you 
 your nomination as Surveyor of the Port 
 will be filed with the Senate. I have ordered 
 immediate confirmation. I do not expect 
 you to confine yourself to the duties of the 
 
10 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 position, but shall look to you to make a 
 loug tour of tlie South for the purpose of 
 capturing the negro delegates for me. I 
 want them to support me for the Presidency 
 three years from no^v. I believe you are 
 just the man to deliver the entire negro dele- 
 gation from the South. You have had plenty 
 of experience in this line with former can- 
 didates for the Presidency and I guess your 
 cunning has not forsaken you. 
 
 You may think I am starting in too early 
 to get a renomination, but my object is to 
 head off all possible opposition early. I 
 mean to squelch every Presidential boom 
 that bobs up. I have the entire Federal pa- 
 tronage at my disposal, and I shall parcel 
 out the offices in a way to best serve my own 
 ends. The solid South should be for me. It 
 is very important that I should have the 
 negro delegations pledged to my support 
 now. Spare no expense in doing this, l^ou 
 know the Southern negroes are not too flush 
 with money. Many of them pay off their 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. -^^ 
 
 mortgages on the eve of a Presidential cam- 
 paign. Do not be squeamish about approach- 
 ing the leading men. Find out the state of 
 their finances and then go ahead and work 
 in my interests. 
 
 I have great confidence in your political 
 sagacity and I shall expect you to make a 
 favorable report to me in person upon your 
 return from the South. After you have 
 taken the oath of office as Surveyor plan to 
 go to Florida on your missionary tour, and 
 lose no time in picking out delegations to 
 the national convention who will vote for 
 my renomination. Keep your movements a 
 secret. Avoid reporters. 
 
 Hoping you are in splendid health, and 
 with good wishes, I am 
 
 Sincerely yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
^2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 5. 
 
 The President writes his friend "Booker" 
 about the good effect that has gro-^Ti out of 
 his being entertained at dinner at the White 
 House, and concludes by inviting him and 
 ten of his colored friends to dine with him 
 in the near future. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Booker: 
 
 My entertaining you at dinner in the 
 White House has raised a storm of protest, 
 especially in the South. Let them storm and 
 rage — I care not. I am privileged to choose 
 my own associates at dinner, and I shall 
 exercise that privilege while I am President. 
 
 I have already noted one good effect of 
 your dining with me last week. It is that 
 I am sure of the solid colored vote in the 
 next national convention. If there had been 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^ 
 
 any doubt about my getting any of the 
 Southern delegates I believe it disappeared 
 the morning the newspapers told the story 
 of your dining with the President. I will 
 be materially assisted by the incident in the 
 State of Indiana, where there is a heavy col- 
 ored vote, and also in New York. 
 
 I have received 111,565 letters from col- 
 ored men in different parts of the North 
 promising to vote for me. So, you see, your 
 coming to the White House is going to do 
 me much good in the national convention 
 and also at the November election. 
 
 I hope to have the pleasure of your com- 
 pany at a watermelon dinner on the 23d 
 inst. I shall be pleased to entertain ten of 
 vour colored friends the same evening. 
 
 The flashlight photograph taken when you 
 and I were at dinner will be ready in a day 
 or two, and I shall have one enlarged and 
 sent to your Southern address. I have or- 
 dered 100,000 of them for distribution in the 
 States of North Carolina, South Carolina, 
 
]^4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 Florida, Geor<;ia and ludiana. 1 lliiuk it a 
 move that will win votes. 
 
 A\'ith kind re<iiards, my dear Booker, be- 
 lieve me to be 
 
 Your sincere friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 6. 
 
 The President announces bis intention to 
 name a negro Collector of a Southern port 
 and gives his reasons for appointing colored 
 men to high positions in the government 
 service. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator: 
 
 I am going to make a nice New Year's 
 present to our colored friend from the 
 South. I will appoint him Collector of the 
 Port. I am doing this because of the great 
 howl that has gone up from the South 
 against my appointing a negro to such an 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^5 
 
 important position. I have received liim- 
 dreds of protests from white people against 
 the appointment. Let them storm and rage 
 — that is the nature of the Southerner, and 
 as they have not had anything to rage over 
 since 1861 it is about time they were given 
 a chance to give vent to their pent-up feel- 
 ings. 
 
 I anticipate some opposition to the negro's 
 confirmation, especially from the Southern 
 Senators, but the delay will only be tempo- 
 rary, and in time my man will get the place. 
 I want you to lead the fight for confirmation 
 on the floor of the Senate when the nomina- 
 tion comes up for action. I will fix the com- 
 mittee all right and get a favorable report. 
 It is up to you to help me out when the final 
 test of strength comes. 
 
 The nomination is one of many which I 
 intend making. I believe the negro should 
 be placed in high positions, and I mean to 
 follow out this policy. It will help me a 
 great deal when it comes time to name the 
 
IQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 national delegates. We must have the sup- 
 port of the negro, and in order to get it he 
 must be given good appointments. 
 
 The Booker dinner and the ajjpointment 
 of a negro to the Collectorship of the Port 
 mean several solid negro delegations for me. 
 I hope to see you to-night, as I hav'e several 
 political surprises that I want to make 
 known to jou. 
 
 Cordially yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 7. 
 
 The President writes the champion heavy- 
 weight pugilist of the world, telling him 
 that he is anxiously awaiting the outcome 
 of his contest with the "Irish champion." 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Jim: 
 
 I am reading the newspapers carefully 
 for news about your coming fight for the 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \J 
 
 championship of the world. I wish I could 
 be at the ringside on the night of the 30th. 
 I would be there, but I have made an en- 
 gagement to deliver an address before a 
 Quaker society on "Modern Warfare," and 
 I cannot very well take the trip to the coast 
 to see the championship contest for the rea- 
 son named. 
 
 As you know, I am quite proficient in box- 
 ing now. I put on the gloves daily with my 
 new boxing instructor, and he tells me I 
 have improved in my hitting wonderfully. 
 We have a ten-round bout every afternoon 
 immediately after the Cabinet meeting, and 
 all of my Cabinet officers attend. I am teach- 
 ing tAvo of them how to box. I tell you, they 
 enjoy it immensely. Boxing is certainly a 
 manly sport. 
 
 When the new White House is planned I 
 will have a large club house erected in the 
 rear and a regulation 24-foot ring built, 
 where me and my friends can enjoy boxing 
 bouts once a week. 
 
-jg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 I am very confident you will defeat the 
 Irishman. I saw him knock out a man in 
 New York a number of years ago, but his 
 opponent was a third-rater. You are im- 
 proving every time you tight, and T believe 
 you will win inside of ten rounds. I have 
 made arrangements to have a wire strung 
 from the White House into the club house 
 the night of the contest, and I will get full 
 and complete returns. I will be with you in 
 spirit the night you battle for the champion- 
 ship, which I know you will retain. 
 
 If you come East after the fight make it 
 your business to stop off in Washington. I 
 will give a luncheon in your honor in the 
 White House. I would like to put the gloves 
 on with you during your visit here, as I am 
 anxious to learn some of your methods. 
 
 With well wishes, I am. 
 
 Your sincere friend. 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \^Q 
 
 LETTER NO. 8. 
 
 The President writes a friend in the Sen- 
 ate that he is not going to follow out prece- 
 dents established by former Presidents, but 
 is going to act in matters of legislation as 
 his best judgment dictates. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 Many of the leading newspapers in New 
 York, Chicago, Boston, Baltimore and Phil- 
 adelphia are claiming that I am not follow- 
 ing out precedents established by former 
 Presidents of the United States. They think 
 I am going too far in trying to usurp the 
 powers of the Senate and House. 
 
 With all due respect to you, what has the 
 Senate done at this session? What has it 
 done since I became President? I have had 
 to suggest legislation. I have had to urge 
 the passage of important bills. I virtually 
 
OQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 bad to take the Senate by tbe tbroat and 
 compel it to pass tbe Cuban bill. 
 
 Uereafter I sball pay no attention to wbat 
 tbe newspapers say about my usurping tbe 
 powers of Congress. Tbe people look to 
 me to make tbe laws tbey want passed. For- 
 mer Presidents bave truckled to Congress 
 in order to get bills passed. 
 
 I do not believe in following precedent in 
 matters of government. Because tbis Presi- 
 dent or tbat President did so and so does 
 not fui'nisb me witb good reasons for fol- 
 lowing in tbeir footsteps. 
 
 I do not intend to go down into bistory as 
 an ordinary President. I sball leave my 
 name indelibly written upon tbe pages of 
 American bistory. I am going to do things 
 in tlie interest of tbe people. I care not 
 wbat tbe Senators and Congressmen or tbe 
 newspapers tbink or say about my violating 
 tbe Constitution. If I do forget it wben 
 transacting official business, wbat are tbe 
 odds, so long as I do something to perpetu- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 21 
 
 ate my name iu historj' aud aid in the wel- 
 fare of my fellow-countrymen? 
 
 I trust, my dear Senator, that you fully 
 understand me and that 3'ou do not mistake 
 ui}' motives in advancing certain legislation. 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 9. 
 
 The President, in a note to his intimate 
 friend in the Senate, announces to him that 
 he is ijractically sure of being his party's 
 candidate for a renomination, despite the 
 opposition of the "Bosses." 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I am glad you are for my nomination. It 
 means that Massachusetts will now endorse 
 |me. Of course, it is nearly three years be- 
 fore the national convention will meet, but 
 
22 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 I want to make sure that not a single vote 
 is lost. Some of the party "bosses" are try- 
 ing to fool me. They tell me they are for 
 me, and then they tell the Ohio Senator they 
 will support him for the Presidency the mo- 
 ment he announces his candidacy. They are 
 not fooling me — they are fooling themselves. 
 I know the political game from A to Z, and 
 I am going to play it, and will show them 
 a square deal out of a new deck of cards. 
 
 I suspect both P and O are for 
 
 the Ohio Senator. I must have New York, 
 and I will get it in spite of any opposition. 
 Wall Street does not like me, I know, but I 
 will bring "The Street" around in due 
 
 course of time. I shall invite Mr. ^l to 
 
 lunch some day in the White House and will 
 have you present. I look upon him as the 
 one man who can swing the moneyed inter- 
 ests of the country into my column. 
 
 I got good news to-day from South Caro- 
 lina. That State will be for my nomination. 
 Since I entertained Booker at dinner I have 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. £3 
 
 heard from thousands of colored people in 
 all parts of the country, and all of them as- 
 sure me of their votes. I guess I did a clever 
 thing when I asked him to dine with me. I 
 will get every colored vote in the United 
 States at the next election. 
 
 Come over to-morrow and box with me. 
 I have invented a new blow which I want to 
 illustrate to you. 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 10. 
 
 The President writes the Speaker of the 
 House to the effect that Congress must act 
 with more haste on bills emanating from the 
 White House and that delays will not be 
 tolerated. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. Speaker : 
 
 What does Congress mean by holding up 
 my pet measures? Here it is within thirty 
 
24 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 days of the end of the session and only one 
 of my bills passed. Are some of the "Gray 
 Wolves" in the House looking for money 
 from me? If they are they will lose their 
 eyesight trying to find it. If any of the bills 
 that I placed in your hands for passage are 
 killed you may expect to see several bolts 
 of lightning escape from the White House. 
 
 Congress has reached that stage where it 
 believes that it must act upon its own ac- 
 cord. This is a mistaken notion. The Ex- 
 ecutive means to have this idea lost sight 
 of, and he will succeed. I have sent word 
 to the Senate that it must break away from 
 old traditions, and the House must do like- 
 wise. This government is not as it was one 
 hundred years ago. 
 
 The Declaration of Independence was 
 written for our forefathers — not for the 
 present time nor for the future, and the Sen- 
 ate and House must act in harmony with 
 me, or I shall abolish both houses and make 
 the laws myself. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRHSIDENT. 25 
 
 I am practically running the government 
 alone now, and I will get along without Con- 
 gress unless my bills are promptly acted 
 upon and with favor. 
 
 I trust this will be the last time I shall 
 find it necessary to call your attention, Mr. 
 Speaker, to the slowness which the lower 
 house of Congress exercises when White 
 House bills are sent to the Capitol for 
 prompt passage. 
 
 Respectfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 11. 
 
 The President takes umbrage at the prom- 
 inence an army officer is attaining in the 
 public press, and says that he must not be 
 in the public limelight so often. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I am greatly annoyed at the General's ac- 
 tion. He is figuring altogether too much in 
 
Og LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 the newspapers, thus attrarting more atten- 
 tion to himself than ever before. I appear 
 to be secondary. This must not be. I am 
 a candidate for President, and no other man 
 connected with the government service 
 should attain, at this time, too great a prom- 
 inence in the newspapers. I am the one 
 wliom public attention should constantly be 
 riveted upon, and I mean to have it so. 
 
 I told my secretary this morning to give 
 the newspaper boys a new story about my- 
 self. I cut dovai four trees before breakfast 
 to-day and felt bully afterwards. I ate six 
 eggs, a fried chicken, four sliced oranges 
 and drank three pots of coffee. Doesn't that 
 augur well for me in the coming Presiden- 
 tial race? They can't beat me and they 
 know it. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 27 
 
 LETTER NO. 12. 
 
 The President takes no action on a pro- 
 test filed with him against the abolishing of 
 a postoffice and sa;^s that the law is all on 
 his side. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Dear Governor : 
 
 I have received your protest against my 
 abolishing the Indian postoflfice and have 
 read with care all you say about the law 
 governing such matters. I beg leave to say 
 in reply that the law is all on my side. 
 
 You claim that a postoffice that has been 
 established by law cannot be abolished by 
 order of the President. I differ with you — 
 the President has the power to take such 
 action. What is there in the Constitution 
 to prevent me from closing up the Postoffice 
 in New York City if I find that there is good 
 ground for my taking such a step? With 
 one stroke of the pen 1 could do this. 
 
23 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 The great trouble with the white people 
 of the South is that they dislike me because 
 I have come out in favor of equal political 
 rights for the negroes. I am a firm believer 
 in this political doctrine, and I shall not 
 swerve one iota from it, even though every 
 Southern Governor. Congressman and Sen- 
 ator protests against my naming the negroes 
 for places they are capable of filling. 
 
 My decision in the postoffice matter is ir- 
 revocable. The people must hereafter walk 
 the four miles to get their mail. 
 Respectfully yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 13. 
 
 The President writes his friend about the 
 great ovation he received on his trip through 
 the Northwest, where he captured the dele- 
 gates to the National Convention from 
 twelve States. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 29 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Dear Friend: 
 
 As per my promise, I write to tell you 
 about my trip to the great Northwest. It 
 was one continual ovation from the time I 
 left Washington until I returned here last 
 night. I visited twelve States, and in every 
 one of them I was received with wild ac- 
 claim. I seemed to strike the people as 
 being the ideal of red-blooded manhood. I 
 made more than two hundred speeches, no 
 two of which were alike, and in all I ad- 
 dressed 2,569,987 people. I had my govern- 
 ment enumerators with me, in order to have 
 a correct count of the crowds I addressed. 
 
 Confidentially, I made arrangements with 
 the political leaders in the twelve States 
 w^hereby I will have the united delegations 
 from all of the twelve to the national con- 
 vention. I guess that's a bad start, eh? 
 What will the old political w^ar-horses think 
 of that when the new^s is given out by my 
 newspaper friends here? 
 
30 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 I souiuletl every big politician whom I 
 met, and all of them said they would be for 
 me three years from now. There was some 
 talk of the Ohio Senator being in the race, 
 but I spiked his gun when I reached the 
 coast. I wired him when the Ohio State 
 Convention began its sessions to the effect 
 that I wanted his State to endorse me for 
 the Presidency, and also to endorse my 
 administration. Ordinarily this proceeding 
 should have been held for one year, but I 
 saw a chance to make a big stack of hay for 
 myself and I did it. Ohio did as I ordered 
 and I will be the only candidate in the field. 
 I am dealing with some shrewd and crafty 
 politicians in this game, but I will best every 
 one of them before I leave the White House. 
 
 When you find time come to the White 
 ITcmse and we will have a private talk over 
 the political outlook. 
 
 Sincerely your friend. 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 3]^ 
 
 LETTER NO. 14. 
 
 The President spikes the guns of his only 
 rival for the Presidential nomination and 
 writes that he now has a clear track for a 
 second term. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Dear Senator: 
 
 The Ohio Senator has just left the White 
 House, after promising me faithfully that 
 he will not enter the Presidential contest. 
 I made the direct personal request to him 
 when we had reached the cigars after our 
 very elaborate dinner. I told him in plain 
 language that I was out for a renomination, 
 and as I had the entire government machine 
 behind me there was no use for any other 
 man attempting to capture the nomination. 
 I finally brought him around to my way of 
 thinking. 
 
 Our friend told me that the moneyed men 
 
32 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 of the country, thousands of business firms 
 and the vast railroad interests were for his 
 nomination, and he was in duty bound to 
 listen to their appeals. We argued over the 
 matter for three hours, and when I de- 
 manded to know where he would stand he 
 asked what I intended to do about some 
 Ohio appointments which I knew he was 
 deeply interested in. I told him that I had 
 received many petitions to appoint the men 
 whom his political enemy endorsed. This 
 caused him to ponder over the Presidential 
 question, and a compromise was made. I 
 agreed to appoint his friends to office and 
 he agreed to keep out of my way on the Pres- 
 idential track. The whip was in my hand 
 all of the time and I used it to good effect. 
 I disposed of my most formidable rival for 
 the Presidency in short order. 
 
 The next national convention will be sim- 
 ply a ratification meeting. Every delegate 
 there will be for me from first to last. I 
 shall look for you at the dinner party to- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 33 
 
 morrow evening. Before the dinner my 
 guests will be taken to the gymnasium, 
 where I will don the gloves with the Pro- 
 fessor and afterwards will wrestle the 
 "Turkish Lion," best three out of five falls. 
 The Turk is a hard nut to crack, but I am 
 confident of defeating him. The contest will 
 be a warm one, so be sure and reach the 
 White House in time to witness the bouts. 
 I did twelve miles of road work this morning 
 to condition myself for the contests. 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 15. 
 
 The President accepts gift of an Asiatic 
 lion and incidentally refers in letter to a 
 friend in the Far East that his Cabinet is 
 the greatest any President ever selected. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Colonel : 
 
 I was delighted to hear from you. Many 
 
34 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 thanks for the lion. He is certainly a fine 
 specimen. He looks pretty much like the 
 one I shot in the back on our hunt in the 
 Rockies a number of years ago. I orderecl 
 my Zoo keeper to take charge of your gift 
 and he will be given the best of care. Since 
 your last visit to Washington I have built 
 a new zoo in the rear of the White House, 
 where I keep all of the animals I have re- 
 ceived from friends abroad and in this coun- 
 try. My Consul General to Zanzi])ar re- 
 cently shipped me the largest elephant in 
 the world. He is taller than Jumbo. I have 
 named him "Czar." I had an elephant house 
 built back of the Zoo, and there "Czar" will 
 be kept for a few years. I have four big ele- 
 phants and Congress on my hands. Con- 
 gress is of far more annoyance to me than 
 the elephants. 
 
 I am glad you like the new Cabinet. The 
 newspapers are praising my selections. The 
 general opinion is that my Cabinet is the 
 strongest any President ever had. Mj Sec- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 35 
 
 retary of State is the ablest iu the history 
 of the country. My Secretary of War is the 
 best man who ever occupied that place. My 
 Secretary of the Navy is the brainiest man 
 ever called to fill that post. My other Sec- 
 retaries are very able men and are unmatch- 
 able. My private secretary is the most 
 skilled diplomat in the government employ. 
 My other employees are brilliant men and 
 render faithful service to me. I have been 
 given credit by the press for gathering 
 brainy men around me. That is what I de- 
 termined to do when I picked out my Cabi- 
 net and the thousands of other men who fill 
 other positions. 
 
 My Zoo is without any specimens of the 
 Asiatic cow. If you find one see that it is 
 sent to me here. I am also making a study 
 of fleas and find it quite interesting. After 
 I began the study it got to be a popular 
 craze in the United States. I want to add 
 to my collection of fleas some from Asia, 
 and wish you would send me over a box by 
 
3(J LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 tlie next steamer. Hoping 3-ou are enjoying 
 the climate there, and with fond regai'ds, 
 I am 
 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 The PREf^IDENT. 
 
 LETTEK NO. 16. 
 
 The President informs the Senate that it 
 is not within its province^, to make agree- 
 ments with foreign nations, but rliat the 
 matter rests with the Chief Executive. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 The Senate can do as it pleases with the 
 treat}'. I stand now where I have always 
 stood on such questions. I believe the word 
 "Agreement" is preferable to tlie word 
 "Treaty." The Senate holds firmly to the 
 position that conventions betA\een the 
 United States and foreign countries must 
 be ratified by tliat body — the President not 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gj 
 
 being allowed to be the final judge in such 
 instances. 
 
 The Senate takes the wrong view. The 
 President is the one to make agreements 
 with foreign nations. I do not believe that 
 the advice or consent of the Senate should 
 be sought. So long as I am President I in- 
 tend following out this policy. 
 
 Tell the members of the Committee on 
 Foreign Ivelations that there is no use of 
 their trying to convince me that their posi- 
 tion is the correct one. I do not think it is, 
 and tell them plainly that they are entirely 
 wrong. 
 
 I do not care the snap of my finger what 
 they do with the treaty. I will not allow 
 the word "Agreement" to be changed to 
 "Treaty," and I reserve for myself the right 
 to conduct negotiations with any foreign 
 nation upon any matter, regardless of what 
 the Senate holds to be its rights and privi- 
 leges. 
 
 I am glad that you and the Wisconsin Sen- 
 
38 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 ator have made up. 1 need him as a politi- 
 cal friend. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The Tresident. 
 
 LETTER NO. 17. 
 
 The President chafes under the delay ex- 
 ercised by the Senate in the treaty matter 
 and threatens to u;o before that body and 
 in a speech demand the ratification of the 
 agreement he wants to carry out. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator: 
 
 T am not goinp; to tolerate any further de- 
 lay upon the part of the Senate in the treaty 
 matter. I want it passed just as I wrote it — 
 not one word or phrase changcHl. In our 
 talk last evening in the White House I told 
 you that I wanted you to press the resolu- 
 tion to passage without delay. Do it. 
 
 If necessary I will exercise my jireroga- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 39 
 
 tive and go to the Senate and demand that 
 the Senators pass the treaty. I shall tell 
 them in very plain language that the people 
 are with me and that Congress must obey 
 my orders. 
 
 Let not the Senators get the idea that 
 they are the government. I am the govern- 
 ment and they must do as I order. The peo- 
 ple in their wisdom delegated the Senators 
 to go to Washington and carry out the 
 wishes of the President in all matters per- 
 taining to popular government, and if they 
 have to be told so I will address the Sena- 
 tors, telling them why they are in the upper 
 house of Congress. 
 
 I am carefully watching the treaty, and 
 if it is not pushed to a vote within twenty- 
 four hours I will go to the Capitol and will 
 demand that the Senate carry out my policy. 
 
 Telephone me any time. Keep me posted. 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 \ 
 
40 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PllESlDENT. 
 
 LETTEK NO. 18. 
 
 The President, desiriiii; to perforui a great 
 political coup dc cUit, orders his Commis- 
 sioner of pensions to let down the pension 
 bars and give the old soldiers |G0,000,000 in 
 pensions. 
 
 The AVhite House, 18—. 
 Dear Mr. Secretary : 
 
 I think the time is ripe for performing a 
 political masterstroke, and I now empower 
 you to let down the pension bars in so far 
 as the age limit is concerned. This pension 
 order will take about |G0,000,000 out of the 
 Treasury, but no matter what the amount 
 may be, I must have it released, as the cam- 
 paign will soon be upon us, and the veterans 
 are an important factor in the election. This 
 order will bring them into line squarely and 
 firmly for me. 
 
 There is no need for the sanction of Con- 
 gress to carry out my orders. I will make 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 4]^ 
 
 the announcement public to-morrow 
 throughout the land, and it will then be left 
 to you to do the rest. Heretofore Congress 
 has exercised too much power over your de- 
 partment. Under my administration that 
 branch of the government has been reduced 
 to a small and unimportant factor, and in 
 the future have no worry about what Mem- 
 bers of Congress say to you about the Execu- 
 tive overstepping his bounds in the Pension 
 Office. 
 
 I appointed you to office, Congress did not, 
 and I believe you are fully cognizant of the 
 fact that things are moving differently in 
 Washington since I became President. I 
 want my office-holders to look to me for 
 their orders — not to Congress. 
 
 I learned that the chairman of the Pen- 
 sion Committee has been applying to you for 
 ten appointments in the Department of Pen- 
 sion Examiners. Give him one appointment. 
 I will name the other nine next week. Let 
 me know how many vacancies you have in 
 
42 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 your department by the first of the week. 
 My friends are crowding me for offices and 
 I want to fill them several weeks before the 
 election. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTEK NO. 19. 
 
 The President serves notice that he will 
 order a constructive recess, so that the 
 friends whom he appointed to office can be 
 paid for the unimaginable time they served 
 in office. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I had overlooked the matter you wrote to 
 me about yesterday, but I have solved that 
 problem. I think as you do about paying 
 the salaries of the men whom I appointed to 
 Federal offices "in the unimaginable inter- 
 val without the advice or consent of the Sen- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 43 
 
 ate," to use the phrase used by the Alabama 
 Senator. 
 
 I will order a constructive recess on Sat- 
 urday and then the salary question will be 
 finally settled. At the next session of Con- 
 gress a bill can be introduced paying the 
 salaries of the Senators and Congress for 
 the unimaginable session, and by letting the 
 leaders in both houses know this I tliink they 
 will vote to pay the salaries of my ap- 
 pointees. 
 
 I consider this a very important part of 
 the programme at tlie present session, and 
 I wish you would be as speedy as possible in 
 jamming it through. The newspapers and 
 some of the older members of the Senate, 
 who stand on "Senatorial Dignity" alone, 
 will oppose my plans bitterly, but we will 
 win out. 
 
 I received a call this morning from your 
 friend from Lynn. He finds some opposi- 
 tion to me in the Republican ranks in that 
 city. When you go to that section I wish 
 
44 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 you would lix luattd's up, and if 3'ou think 
 a few Consulships, wisely distributed, would 
 bridge everything over, wire lue aud I will 
 announce the appointments of those agreed 
 upon. We must have harmony in our ranks 
 everywhere, and more olliles will be created 
 if it is found necessary to appease the angry 
 ones. 
 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER XO. 20. 
 
 The President writes to a friend in Utica 
 telling him how great the country has grown 
 since he took the oath of office as President. 
 
 Dear Friend : 
 
 I am always glad to receive a letter from 
 you. I have instructed my Secretary of 
 Mails that when he runs across a letter post- 
 marked ^'Utica" to place it on the top of my 
 letters, so that it will l)e the first read. I 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 45 
 
 have studied your views on national ques- 
 tions closely and am pleased to know that 
 you admire the way I am managing the gov- 
 ernment. 
 
 When I became President I decided to 
 make a mark for myself. I think the nation 
 began to get great after I took the oath of 
 office. I certainly have heard very encour- 
 aging reports, which indicate clearly to me 
 that the people have absolute confidence in 
 my judgment. I want to see my country the 
 greatest on earth, and I mean to make it 
 such. 
 
 I am bothering Congress as little as pos- 
 sible about the state of the Union. The cur- 
 rency, the tariff, the revenues, taxation and 
 other minor matters are all outside of my 
 sphere. What 1 am doing is of more mo- 
 ment. I intend to build the largest navy 
 known in the world's history. When I leave 
 the Presidential chair I will have more than 
 three thousand first-class cruisers in the 
 navy. I believe that it is of more impor- 
 
4(5 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 tance to have a great navy built than to be 
 worrying over the tariff question for several 
 sessions of Congress. The people have 
 grown tired of tariif debates in this coun- 
 try, and I have dropped that and the cur- 
 rency question for good. I believe in devis- 
 ing ways and means of spending the govern- 
 ment money and getting it into general cir- 
 culation. 
 
 I thank you for the promise of support in 
 the next national campaig-u. It is a long 
 ways off, but I am building my fences daily 
 and I see no Presidential candidate in sight 
 who will be able to leap any of them. 
 
 With kind regards and best wishes, I am 
 Your friend. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 21. 
 
 The President announces that he is going 
 to ha^e Congress enact a law empowering 
 him to appoint a bill collector for the bene- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 47 
 
 fit of other nations who have bills against 
 South American rejjublics. 
 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 The turn affairs have taken in the South 
 American republics leads me to the conclu- 
 sion that a bill had better be drawn up at 
 once and introduced in the Senate without 
 delay providing for the establishment of a 
 Collection Agency for the benefit of the Eu- 
 ropean Powers. This country could collect 
 all of the debts due the Powers. If neces- 
 sary, we would send one of our powerful 
 fleets down there and force collection. 
 
 I am becoming impatient. These South 
 American countries must pay their bills. 
 They owe every foreign nation and should 
 be compelled to pay up. We are at peace 
 with the world at large now, but a little 
 brush in South American waters would re- 
 lieve the monotony of things, and I would 
 welcome something of that kind. 
 
 I have set my mind on having a law passed 
 
48 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 allowing the President to appoint a Bill Col- 
 lector for European Powers, and 1 hope the 
 measure I refer to will be drawn up at once 
 and passed. I say this because I liave as- 
 signed the job to a personal friend of mine 
 from South Dakota. He is well fitted for 
 the job. He is a good shot. 
 I will look for speedy action. 
 Yours very truly, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 22. 
 
 The President orders his navj' to assemble 
 at Clam Bay for the edification of a few 
 friends whom he desires to entertain. He 
 regrets that the navy is too small now, but 
 promises a much larger one. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. Secretary : 
 
 Next week I shall leave for Clara Bay. I 
 "will be awav from ^Vashin^•ton until the lat- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 49 
 
 ter part of October. I am going to invite a 
 few personal friends to mj country home 
 the first week in July, and I want you to 
 have the entire navy assemble in Clam Bay. 
 
 I will review the entire fleet at that time. 
 I will be complying with my own wishes 
 and at the same time my friends will have 
 the distinguished honor of seeing my navy 
 on parade. 
 
 Send word out to-morrow to the com- 
 manders of the squadrons that are now in 
 the Caribbean Sea and in Cuban waters to 
 proceed north and prepare for the review 
 at Clam Bay. 
 
 Next year I hope to see a larger navy in 
 this country. The Senate killed the naval 
 bill, but when I return from Clam Bay I 
 shall give an order for five hundred new 
 battle ships. Our navy is not half large 
 enough, and I am somewhat ashamed of hav- 
 ing my friends see such a small number pass 
 in review at Clam Bay in July. The next 
 review I will order they will witness a 
 
50 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 fleet of warships that will be a credit to a 
 nation like this. 
 
 Respectfully, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 23. 
 
 The President contrasts liis administra- 
 tion with those of other American Presi- 
 dents and says that no President has had 
 to face the great problems that have con- 
 fronted him. 
 
 The White House, IS—. 
 My Dear Mason : 
 
 I have received the newspaper clipping 
 you kindly sent me in wliich you refer to me 
 as "The Greatest President in the history of 
 the United States." It was very good of you 
 to go to the trouble to have the editor print 
 such a long interview. I have ordered my 
 private secretary to wire the editor for one 
 hundred thousand copies of the paper con- 
 taining your interview, and I will have them 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^ 
 
 distributed where they will do the most 
 good. It is the best article about myself I 
 have seen in print. 
 
 That part of the interview relating to 
 Washington, Jefferson, Monroe and Lincoln 
 impressed me very much. You take the stand 
 that other Presidents did not have to face 
 the problems I have had to face. In this 
 statement you sum up the entire situation 
 in American history. No President has had 
 to deal with the problems that I have had 
 to handle. I have made no mistakes — that 
 is agreed to by all the leading newspapers in 
 the United States. The Boston Herald, one 
 of the ablest newspapers in the country, re- 
 gards me as the greatest President in all 
 history. That is praise worth striving for. 
 
 My people give me credit for honesty of 
 purpose, sincerity and wise and sound judg- 
 ment. My people also know that I want to 
 give every man an honest deal. Many of the 
 Presidents of the United States were fakirs. 
 They mapped out certain things in order to 
 
52 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 catch the votes of the people. Previous to 
 campaigns they would make a big splurge 
 for the purpose of winning votes. I have 
 never "played to the galleries" and I never 
 shall. The people are with me and I believe 
 I can stay in the White House a.s long as I 
 want to. I intend to have but three terms as 
 President, when I shall resign in favor of 
 some man who will handle the affairs of 
 government like myself. 
 
 With many thanks for your kind expres- 
 sions, I am 
 
 Sincerely' your friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 24. 
 
 The President writes the Japanese- Ameri- 
 can Society regretting his inability to at- 
 tend its annual dinner. Says that he can 
 trace his ancestry back to a famous Japa- 
 nese family. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 53 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Japanese- American Society, 
 
 San Francisco, Cal. 
 My Dear Sir : 
 
 I should like very much indeed to attend 
 your annual banquet on April 1, but I made 
 a positive engagement for that clay some 
 time ago and I cannot break it. Otherwise 
 I would gladly journey to the Golden Gate 
 to participate in the celebration you are 
 planning. 
 
 In tracing my genealogy some time ago I 
 discovered that our family is connected with 
 the well-known Japanese family of General 
 Oss, who fought so gallantly in the war with 
 Kussia. I learned that the family of Gen- 
 eral Oss originally came from Ireland. The 
 Irish name was Ossory. They are descend- 
 ants of the Prince of Ossory. When they 
 settled in Japan they dropped a portion of 
 their name and used only the first three let- 
 ters. My research, I can assure you, afforded 
 me much pleasure. 
 
54 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 Present my coin])lim('iit.s to the members 
 of your society and tell them how deeply I 
 regret not being able to accept the invita- 
 tion. 
 
 Respectfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 25. 
 
 The President gives his views on "Muscu- 
 lar Christianity" and advocates the starting 
 of gymnasiums in connection with Sunday- 
 schools. 
 
 My Dear Bishop : 
 
 It affords me great pleasure to give you 
 my views on "Muscular Christianity." It 
 is indeetl a high honor to have so distin- 
 guished a churchman as yourself call upon 
 me for an opinion on such a subject. 
 
 For many years I have been of the belief 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 55 
 
 that our cliurclies do uot give the attention 
 they should to the young people. Our 
 Sunday-schools are not filled up. What is 
 the reason? One way of keeping the chil- 
 dren's attention on the church is to have 
 gymnasiums fitted up in the halls or base- 
 ments of the buildings attached to the 
 churches. The girls and boys should be 
 taught to develop their minds and bodies at 
 the same time. Teach the young to defend 
 themselves when called upon. 
 
 You can popularize your church by hav- 
 ing boxing academies attached to the hall 
 where the classes assemble on Sunday and 
 week days for exercises. Have a well-known 
 boxing instructor teach the boys how to box. 
 Have a woman instructor placed in charge 
 of the girls. After the regular lessons the 
 classes could disperse to the gymnasiums, 
 where they could follow up the training of 
 the mind with a lesson in muscular develop- 
 ment. In this way you will add to the inter- 
 est in your church. In the summer time I 
 
56 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 would have a shootiug gallery built on the 
 lawn back of the academy hall, and the stu- 
 dents should be taught target-shooting. Put 
 these plans into operation, my dear Bishop, 
 and you will quickly learn that "^luscular 
 Christianity" is popular. 
 
 Faithfully yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 26. 
 
 The President tells of his intention to ap- 
 point as a member of the Cabinet a ikmv 
 official to be known as "Secretary of An- 
 thropology," and urges that better stock be 
 raised in the United States. 
 
 jMy Dear Doctor: 
 
 I thank you for your kind letter of the 
 10th inst., in which you coiignitulute ine 
 upon the vigorous stand I have taken on tke 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 57 
 
 marriage question. I am pleased to note 
 that you like the suggestion I am about to 
 make to the Senate and House that a new 
 department in government be created to be 
 devoted to human culture. I am going to 
 have the new Cabinet officer called "The 
 Secretary of Anthropology." 
 
 I believe the new department in our gov- 
 ernment is needed. I was the first person 
 in the United States to call the attention of 
 our people to the necessity of having more 
 and better babies born, and I am in receipt 
 of thousands of letters such as you have 
 written thanking me for the position I have 
 taken. 
 
 The Senate and House will undoubtedly 
 enact the new law at this session. Then I 
 will go ahead and establish the bureau. 
 There will be several departments under the 
 jurisdiction of the President and his new 
 Cabinet officer, and I intend making you 
 Secretary of Stirpiculture. It will be your 
 duty to see that ideas are promulgated on 
 
58 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 how to have better stock in the United 
 States. 
 
 The vast majority of women in this coun- 
 try are with me on this question, and from 
 the way the papers are treating it I look for 
 helpful assistance from the fair sex in the 
 coming Presidential campaign. Keep agi- 
 tating the creation of the new government 
 department, as it will mean the employment 
 of at least five thousand more scientific men 
 and women by the government. These new 
 officials will be selected after the election in 
 November. Believe me to be 
 Faithfully yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 27. 
 
 The President issues invitations to a 
 "Glove Shower" at the White House, and 
 urges his friend not to miss the novel social 
 function. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 59 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Doctor : 
 
 I will be delighted to have you numbered 
 among my guests at the White House on 
 Friday evening next, when I will entertain 
 two hundred friends at a "Glove Shower." 
 It will be in the nature of an innovation at 
 the National Capitol, and I shall not accept 
 a declination from you. The affair will be 
 entirely "stag," and among my guests will 
 be friends from New York, Albany, Brook- 
 lyn, Philadelphia, Baltimore and Kichmond. 
 All of the Cabinet officers and the head of 
 the National Academy of Physical Culture 
 will be present. 
 
 The "Glove Shower" will be the first ever 
 given in this country. I have engaged two 
 of the best-known middle-weight boxers in 
 the country to furnish the piece de resist- 
 ance of the evening. There will be two pre- 
 liminary contests of ten rounds each. In 
 the final will appear Joe Olcott, the colored 
 champion at 145 pounds, and "Twin" Mur- 
 
(;() LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 jiliy, acknowlodoed to have no superior 
 among white men at the middle-weight 
 limit. Olcott is a splendid fighter and it is 
 a delight to witness his footwork. My box- 
 ing professor will act as referee. The rules 
 of the National Sporting Club of London 
 will prevail, the referee appearing in even- 
 ing dress and judging the points from out- 
 side of the ring. The contests will take place 
 in the White House stables, where I have 
 ordered built the regulation 24-fcot ring. 
 At the end of the evening's sport there will 
 be a reception in honor of the victorious 
 boxer and lunch will be seiTed. Hoping to 
 have the pleasure of your company on Fri- 
 day evening, and with kind regards, I am 
 Sincerely jours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 28. 
 
 The President gives good reasons why the 
 "Presidential Preserve Bill" should be 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, g^ 
 
 passed and a buuting grounds for the Chief 
 Executive of the Nation be established in 
 the State of Texas. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I have prepared the "Presidential Pre- 
 serve Bill," and when you find time I wish 
 you would run up to the White House and 
 we will discuss it during our luncheon. I 
 think it meets all of the requirements. 
 
 I have always been stoutly in favor of hav- 
 ing this government lay aside, say, 100,000 
 acres of land for a suitable place where the 
 President and his intimate friends could 
 hunt, fish, and ride horseback, without being 
 subjected to the gaze of the populace. I am 
 very anxious about the bill I have prepared 
 and will carefully watch its progress in both 
 houses. My idea is to have the "Presiden- 
 
(jO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 tial Preserve*' set aside iu the State of 
 Texas, and have it stocked with all kinds of 
 wild animals and the streams filled with 
 plenty of gamey fish. 
 
 If the bill is passed I shall send my Com- 
 missioner of Wild Animals to Asia, Africa 
 and Australia for the purpose of purchasing 
 a choice supply of animals for the "Presi- 
 dential Preserve." During my term of office 
 I will not be able to hunt in the Preserve 
 every year, but future Presidents will have 
 a chance of exercising their marksmanship, 
 and will derive all kinds of sport from their 
 visit to the Presidential Hunting Grounds, 
 which will be stocked, upon my order, with 
 elephants, tigers, lions, mountain lions, 
 bears, buffaloes, hyenas, and the largest ba- 
 boons to be found in the South American 
 countries. 
 
 I do not look for any opposition to the 
 bill, as the expense involved in establishing 
 the preserve and stocking it throughout 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. (33 
 
 would not be over |3,000,000. I believe my 
 
 people will agree to the passage of this bill. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 29. 
 
 The President writes the Kaiser regard- 
 ing the unveiling of a statue in Washington 
 to an illustrious German warrior and sets 
 the date for its unveiling on his birthday. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 His Majesty the Kaiser, 
 
 Pottsdam, Germany. 
 Your Majesty : 
 
 I voice the sentiments of 80,000,000 peo- 
 ple and of every American newspaper when 
 I say to you that the gift to this country of 
 a bronze statue of the illustrious German 
 warrior would be very acceptable, and 
 
g4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 
 
 would be the means of aiding to a large ex- 
 tent in cementing the friendship between 
 two great world-powers. 
 
 In reply to your question as to what day 
 would be most acceptable for the unveiling 
 of the statue, I would suggest that the cere- 
 mony take place on the anniversary of my 
 birth. I will be in AYashington that day 
 and will participate in the ceremonies. 
 
 Your illustrious predecessor will rank for 
 all time with Alexander the Great, Csesar, 
 Napoleon and Hannibal, and it is the one ob- 
 ject of my term as President to see that 
 statues of those great warriors are erected 
 in Washington. 
 
 The kind reference you make to my war 
 record is deeply appreciated. I shall feel 
 well compensated if I have the friendship 
 of such illustrious men as yourself. When 
 I am gone and ages from now my people 
 erect a statue of me in the Capitol City of 
 this nation, alongside of your illustrious 
 countryman, Ciesar, Hamilton, Napoleon 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. g5 
 
 and Alexander the Great, I shall feel that I 
 have not lived in vain, and that my terms as 
 President were fraught with some little 
 good to the American people. 
 With profound respect. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 30. 
 
 The President tells his old friend "Bat" 
 that he wants his support in carrying the 
 Mountain States and promises him a posi- 
 tion as United States Marshal as a reward 
 for his labors. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Dear "Bat" : 
 
 I was pleased at what you said in the let- 
 ter you sent me from Cripple Creek. You 
 know me well enough to know that I am 
 very anxious to have the support of the 
 
QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 
 
 Mountain States in the next national con- 
 vention. You can aid me to a great extent 
 in obtaining this support. You are well 
 known and popular in that section of the 
 country and can do me a lot of good. I wish 
 you would continue working along the lines 
 indicated in your last letter. 
 
 There is not the slightest doubt about my 
 nomination. I have brushed aside lightly 
 all possible opposition and I know that there 
 will be but one ballot taken. 
 
 Get all of the boys in line. I will do the 
 right thing. After I am elected I will take 
 care of them. As for you, I have in mind 
 making you a United States marshal. Your 
 reputation will be greatly enhanced after 
 my election, as you will get the credit of 
 having helped to carry some of the ^lountain 
 States for the ticket. Then, after I have ap- 
 pointed you marshal, you can enter upon 
 your duties like a conquering hero. I hope 
 to hear more good news from you at an 
 early date. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. QJ 
 
 Give my compliments to our mutual 
 friend ''Tliree-Fingered Jack" Dolin. If 
 you should head for the East previous to 
 the election, stop off in Washington and 
 take lunch with me. 
 
 Your friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 31. 
 
 The President, in writing about the ap- 
 proaching election, says that he will receive 
 the largest majority ever given a candidate 
 for that high office. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I know you believe as I do about the elec- 
 tion that will occur next November — I will 
 win by the largest majority ever given to an 
 American President. I am writing to make 
 
f,8 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 a suggestion. You are about to make a tour 
 of the West. I have not yet picked the can- 
 didate for Vice-President, and the thought 
 occurred to me a few minutes ago about ask- 
 ing the Lincoln statesman to accept second 
 place. There are good reasons for his do- 
 ing so. 
 
 He and I think alike on many matters. 
 We are in accord on railroad legislation and 
 also on the curbing of the trusts. It would 
 not be imj)ossible for him to accept the Vice- 
 Presidency. Suppose you see him when you 
 are in that vicinity and get his views on the 
 subject of running for Vice-President. I 
 would be delighted to have him as a running 
 mate. We would be elected, of course, and 
 he would be the logical candidate for Presi- 
 dent to succeed me. 
 
 I would like to see our friend my successor 
 in the White House, and if you can persuade 
 him to accept the Vice-Presidential nomina- 
 tion I will feel under great obligations to 
 you. You are at liberty to make whatever 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gQ 
 
 use of this letter you see fit in your conver- 
 sation with him. Present my compliments 
 to the distinguished statesman and assure 
 him of my good will. 
 
 I hope 3^our mission will be a fruitful one. 
 Let me know by wire when you reach Lin- 
 coln. 
 
 Sincerely, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 32. 
 
 The President draws a bill abolishing the 
 "Congressional Kecord" and substituting in 
 its place the "White House Bulletin," in 
 which will appear only news about bills 
 signed or vetoed by the President. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. Speaker: 
 
 I enclose herewith a copy of a bill entitled 
 "An Act to Abolish the Congressional Rec- 
 
70 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 ord" and substitute in its place the publica- 
 tion to be known as the "Official White 
 House Bulletin." 
 
 Please see that the bill is introduced by 
 our mutual friend from New York, Mr. S — . 
 Have him put the bill in on Friday. Push 
 it through to final passage without delay. 
 Let there be no debate on it, either in com- 
 mittee or when it comes up before the com- 
 mittee of the whole. 
 
 I believe the Congressional Record has 
 outlived its usefulness. It should have been 
 abolished years ago. It serves no other pur- 
 pose than to furnish reading on dull days 
 to the loungers in the country postoffices 
 and country grocery stores. 
 
 My idea is to have in "The Official White 
 House Bulletin" matters of importance to 
 the people at large — such as my proclama- 
 tions, my appointments, my messages to the 
 Senate and House, and a list of the measures 
 passed which I approved and those passed 
 which I vetoed. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, 7;[ 
 
 The passage of the bill I enclose for the 
 sanction of the House and Senate will put 
 an effective stop on the overflow of Congres- 
 sional oratory, and, as I will censor every 
 line of news that appears in "The White 
 House Bulletin," the public will not be 
 called upon to question anything that may 
 appear in that publication. 
 
 I will be greatly obliged to you, my dear 
 Mr. Speaker, if you will have the bill passed 
 and hurried to the Senate. 
 
 Respectfully, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 33. 
 
 The President, writing to his army friend, 
 tells him not to have any misgivings about 
 his confirmation by the Senate, as that mat- 
 ter has been attended to by the President. 
 
72 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear General : 
 
 Your last letter would indicate that you 
 have some misgivings about the Senate con- 
 firming 3-our nomination. Let that not 
 trouble you. You will be confirmed. When 
 I send a nomination to the Senate it has got 
 to be confirmed. There may be a delay, but 
 in the end the man's place is given him. 
 
 I have always been of the opinion that this 
 mode of procedure — having a Presidential 
 nomination confirmed or rejected by the 
 Senate — is a silly one. I am going to have 
 that law changed at the next session of Con- 
 gress. In fact I have prepared several 
 amendments to the Constitution tliat I will 
 have passed. When they are made laws these 
 tedious delays in Presidential nominations 
 and in other matters will be obviated. I 
 shall take all of the starch out of the Con- 
 stitution before I leave the White House. 
 
 No, my dear General, have no fears about 
 vour nomination. I have ordered a line-up 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 73 
 
 in the Senate for next Tuesday, and I am 
 safe in saying that you will be confirnied on 
 that day. There may be some attempts to 
 balk, but I am getting the old truck horses 
 in the Senate broken to the new sets of har- 
 ness that I have made for them, and you will 
 be confirmed without another week's delay. 
 I hope you are well. Kind regards. 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 34. 
 
 The President makes known his intention 
 to attend the annual Ghost Dance given on 
 the Onondaga Reservation, and says that he 
 looks forward to having a glorious time. 
 
 The ^Yhite House, 18—. 
 Chief Owishaway, Onondaga Reservation. 
 My Dear Chief : 
 
 I intend to go to Syracuse for your annual 
 Ghost Dance on the 17th of October. When 
 I was in the Bad Lands in the Far West I 
 
74 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 traveled hundreds of miles to witness the 
 annual Ghost Dance and Corn Eoast by the 
 Sioux Indians, and I derived a vast amount 
 of fun and pleasure from what I witnessed. 
 I am looking forward to your annual festi- 
 val with much glee. 
 
 I suppose you have read in some of the 
 newspapers about my being a descendant of 
 one of the famous Indian chiefs who settled 
 in the Mohawk Valley soon after the discov- 
 ery of the Hudson River by the man whose 
 name it bears. I point with pride to the 
 fact that there is a little Indian blood in me. 
 It has helped me materially in the battles 
 that I have had to fight during my eventful 
 life. 
 
 I will notify you later about the time of 
 my arrival in Syracuse so that you can have 
 the Indian band at the depot to greet and 
 welcome me. I hope you will whoop things 
 up at the reservation the day I am there. 
 Your friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 75 
 
 LETTER NO. 35. 
 
 The President writes a millionaire friend 
 suggesting that he give five hundred thou- 
 sand dollars to the President to be used in 
 building an artificial lake in the rear of the 
 White House, where the Chief Executive can 
 indulge in his favorite exercise. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Andy : 
 
 You are certainly doing a noble work in 
 distributing your money in the lavish way 
 you are, each gift being characterized by 
 good sense and a desire to aid humanity. I 
 am pleased to give my endorsement to the 
 laudable object you have in mind, and in 
 this connection I have a suggestion to make. 
 
 Ever since I have occupied the Presiden- 
 tial chair I have been able to indulge in all 
 forms of exercise excepting rowing. That 
 is one of my favorite pastimes, and it seems 
 
7(5 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 to me if YOU would like to get rid of about 
 $500,000 at this time you could unload it in 
 no better way than by giving that sum to 
 the President, with the understanding that 
 he is to use it in building near the White 
 House an artificial lake for the exclusive use 
 of the President and his guests. 
 
 I expect to spend several years at the 
 White House, and I would be delighted to 
 have an artificial lake about five miles long 
 near my home, where I could indulge in my 
 favorite exercise daily. I would consent to 
 having the lake bear your name in honor of 
 the handsome gift of money. On the open- 
 ing day I would have a regatta, with fire- 
 works in the evening, and I would deliver an 
 address. 
 
 I hope and trust you will give this matter 
 some thought and reflection, and if you 
 should decide to grant the request I will 
 have work on the artificial lake begun at 
 once. I would donate the sum necessary to 
 build it, but I am a poor man and cannot 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 77 
 
 afford to give away |500,000. If the Presi- 
 dential Increase Bill is passed I may see my 
 way clearly to donate one-half of the money 
 needed. 
 
 I will be pleased to receive an early re- 
 sponse. Believe me to be 
 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTEPv NO. 36. 
 
 The President informs the Undertakers' 
 Union that he will not ride on the three rail- 
 roads boycotted by that union and will make 
 his journey West in stage coaches. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. President: 
 
 I have received the report of Undertakers' 
 Union, No. 1, in which I am requested to not 
 ride upon any of the three railroads which 
 
78 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 have been boycotted by your union. I as- 
 sure you that I will lose no time in comply- 
 ing with the request. 
 
 I have always been a great believer in the 
 boycott. There is no more effective way of 
 bringing employers to time than through 
 this medium. When you union men have a 
 strong grievance against the employers, al- 
 ways resort to the boycott and you will win. 
 It is the greatest club in the hands of the 
 unionists. 
 
 I am delighted that you have taken the 
 action you have against the three railroads. 
 I received three passes over one of the boy- 
 cotted lines this afternoon, but I shall send 
 them back. When I go on my Western tour 
 I will travel by stages instead of by rail. 
 It will be somewhat out of the ordinary for 
 a President to travel in a stage coach to 
 Yankton, but no matter. I have the satis- 
 faction of knowing that I will be doing 
 something in the interest of union labor, 
 which is very dear to my heart. I have been 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 79 
 
 a union man all my life, having been the 
 founder and first president of Ranchmen's 
 Union, No. 1, of Sage City. I have my union 
 card hung in a conspicuous place in my Cab- 
 inet room. 
 
 So, you see, you have a friend in the Presi- 
 dential chair. Again, I repeat that so long 
 as Undertakers' Union, No. 1, of New York 
 has a boycott on the three railroads specified 
 in your resolution neither myself nor any 
 member of the government service will ride 
 on any of the lines. When the boycott is 
 lifted we may then consider riding over their 
 roads when we have to. 
 
 Assure every member of your union what 
 deep interest I am taking in their fight. I 
 donate |100 to the fund to aid the unem- 
 ployed members, and beg leave to subscribe 
 myself, 
 
 Your fellow unionist, 
 
 The President. 
 
§0 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER XO. 37. 
 
 The President writes an article for a 
 health magazine and tells how he became 
 the strongest President who ever sat in the 
 Presidential chair. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Editor Health Magazine: 
 
 I gladly comply with your request for a 
 short article from my pen on "How to Be- 
 come Strong." I have made this question a 
 life study and have settled it to my own per- 
 sonal satisfaction. When I started out to 
 become President of the United States I said 
 I would make it my business to make myself 
 the strongest President this country has ever 
 known. It is one thing to get strong and 
 another thing to keep strong. I have man- 
 aged to maintain my strength. I exercise a 
 great deal. My daily programme is as fol- 
 lows : 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gl 
 
 Arise at 5 A.M. Take a cold plunge and 
 swim in the tank for thirty minutes. 
 
 At 6 — Do a ten-mile walk in the country. 
 A.fterwards have a strong man rub me dotvn 
 vigorously. 
 
 At 7 — Box for twenty minutes with my 
 Professor of Boxing and Physical Culture. 
 After the drying off prepare for breakfast. 
 
 At 8 — Breakfast. ]V[y morning meal con- 
 sists of oatmeal, six soft-boiled eggs, an Eng- 
 lish mutton chop, six slices of buttered toast, 
 creamed potatoes and two pots of coffee. 
 
 After breakfast I smoke two black cigars 
 while attending to receiving reports from 
 my ministers and Cabinet officers. 
 
 In the afternoon at four I take a twenty- 
 mile ride on horseback. The ride over, I 
 wrestle with five men, throwing each of them 
 inside of an hour. Then I fence with my 
 Italian fencing professor. Afterwards I box 
 twenty rounds with my Secretary of War. 
 I then play croquet for twenty minutes. 
 This is folloAved by a game of golf on the 
 
g2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 AVhite House links. I never exhaust myself 
 in one day, remembering that I have to-mor- 
 row to follow out the same programme. I 
 eat four meals a day, the principal one con- 
 sisting of a double porterhouse steak, 
 French fried potatoes, asparagus, peas, spin- 
 ach, corn on the cob, chicken salad, lettuce, 
 cucumbers and tomatoes mixed, bread pud- 
 ding, edam cheese and coffee. 
 
 Finally : To be strong, use your strength 
 continually and don't overeat. That is my 
 advice. 
 
 Fai til fully, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER XO. 38. 
 
 The President writes an Italian Society, 
 promising to address them in (lieir native 
 tonji'ue on Garibaldi da v. lie traces his an- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §3 
 
 cestry back and finds that there is some Ital- 
 ian blood in his veins. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Garibaldi Society_, 
 
 Chicago, 111. 
 Dear Sir: 
 
 If it is possible for me to do so I shall be 
 present when your society celebrates the 
 natal day of one of the greatest Italians of 
 modern times. At the present writing I am 
 of the opinion that I will attend. JMy speech 
 will be delivered in Italian. 
 
 In conversation with a leading Italian- 
 American the other day I recalled the fact 
 that I am connected with the Italian race, 
 my great-great-great grandfathei''s fifty- 
 fourth cousin having been an Italian, He 
 lived on the Island of Capri, in the Mediter- 
 ranean Sea, and published the War Gazette. 
 
 Please convey this bit of information to 
 
g4 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 the members of your society previous to my 
 attending the dinner. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 TuE President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 39. 
 
 The President accepts an invitation from 
 an Irish society to address them in Gaelic 
 and prides in the fact that he is a descend- 
 ant of an old Irish famil3\ 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Friendly Fathers of St. Pat- 
 rick. 
 Dear Sir : 
 
 It affords me a great deal of pleasure to 
 accept the kind invitation to address your 
 society on March 17. Nothing shall prevent 
 me from attending the celebration. I shall 
 speak in Gaelic. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §5 
 
 If my memory serves me well, I will be 
 the second President of the United States 
 to address your society — George Washing- 
 ton was the other President to honor your 
 society with his presence. Of course, there 
 was no Irish blood in Washington's veins. 
 I am proud to say that I can trace my ances- 
 try back to the O'Moyles, who inhabited Ire- 
 land long before the coming of Christianity 
 to that famous and beloved land. For that 
 and many other good reasons I am delighted 
 to accept this kind invitation to address 
 your society on St. Patrick's Day. 
 
 Believe me to be 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 40. 
 
 The President writes the Kaiser that they 
 are regarded as the two greatest rulers on 
 
§(3 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 earth and that their views are similar on 
 all great public questions of the day. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 His Imperial Majesty the Kaiser, 
 
 Berlin, Germany. 
 Your Majesty : 
 
 Your representative has conveyed to me 
 your cordial message of the 1st inst. The 
 sentiments you express please me very much. 
 I do not til ink you are stretching the truth 
 when you say that you and I are the two 
 most popular rulers on earth. Your repre- 
 sentative in this country will, I think, bear 
 out this assertion. 
 
 I have always been a great admirer of 
 your Imperial Majesty, and I know now to 
 what extent you regard me. In this country 
 you are greatly admired. The American 
 press frequently points out the marketl simi- 
 larity in the views of your Majesty and my- 
 self. One New York newspaper recently 
 made the statement that I would make a 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. gj 
 
 good ruler in Germany and that you would 
 make an ideal American President. I wrote 
 to the editor of the newspaper in question 
 and thanked him for the compliment he 
 paid me. 
 
 Since I became President I have adopted 
 some of the methods you use in Germany 
 and I find that things work out better. Be- 
 fore I became President there was not much 
 of a display of militarism, neither was there 
 any spectacular features introduced at pub- 
 lic functions. I changed the order of things 
 and my court is now — I am pleased to in- 
 form your Majesty — one of the most sump- 
 tuous on earth. On public occasions my 
 military display is also a grand one. 
 
 Again expressing to your Majesty my cor- 
 dial good wishes, and hoping that our rela- 
 tions will always be as pleasant as they now 
 are, I am, with deep respect. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 The President. 
 
§§ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 41. 
 
 The President contributes twenty-five 
 thousand dollars to the fund to erect a home 
 for Disabled and Sick Pugilists and defends 
 the great sport that has been regarded by 
 him as a manlv one. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 To THE Secretary of the Pugilistic Home 
 
 Society. 
 Dear Sir: 
 
 I am in receipt of 3'our communication of 
 the 25th inst. asking me to subscribe to a 
 fund to be used in building a home in New 
 Jersey for sick and disabled boxers. I 
 cheerfully give |25,000 to this most worthy 
 object. 
 
 I regret to say that in recent years boxing 
 has not paid in this country. .Most of our 
 well-known professional boxers have been 
 forced to retire from the prize ring without 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. §9 
 
 saving any money. This is sad to contem- 
 plate. 
 
 I have always been a great admirer of the 
 manly art. It distills courage in youthful 
 make-up. It is the greatest inducement to 
 prevent men carrying guns. All parents 
 should have their boys instructed in the 
 manly art of self-defense. Many a boy who 
 has fallen into playing women's games, 
 rather than taking up the strenuous games 
 of life, can lay the blame upon his early in- 
 structors. 
 
 Our American pugilists have done a great 
 deal of good w^ork in advancing athletics, 
 and I would like to see the day when the 
 New Jersey Home for Sick and Disabled 
 Pugilists is erected, thus providing for 
 worthy citizens who have fallen by the way- 
 side in life. During my term of office as 
 President I hope to have the pleasure of par- 
 ticipating in the dedicatory exercises in con- 
 nection with the proposed home. 
 
 If 1 can further the worthy project in any 
 
90 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 way 1)j legislation please call upon me and 
 I will assist. I number the men of the 
 squared circle among my warm friends and 
 supporters. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 42. 
 
 The President sends the Chicago platfonn 
 to a Senatorial friend and bids him to faith- 
 fully carry out the programme mapped out 
 for the convention bv the President. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I return herewith the revised Chicago 
 platform. You will note that I have made 
 several changes in it, notably in the section 
 devoted to the Administration, I want tlie 
 Committee on Platform to make no chances 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. Q]^ 
 
 in any of the important paragraplis that I 
 have marked. They must go before the con- 
 vention just as I have written them, and in 
 the event that you learn that there is to be 
 any opposition to the programme I have 
 mapped out for the ratification of my plat- 
 form please move the previous question on 
 its adoption. That will shut off debate in 
 the Iowa and Wisconsin sections. 
 
 As my name is to be the only one that will 
 go before the Chicago convention, I believe 
 in having the proceedings as enthusiastic as 
 they possibly can be made. I think my plat- 
 form will arouse the delegates and specta- 
 tors to wild cheering, and I have revised the 
 Governor's nominating speech so that it will 
 "take" splendidly with everybody present. 
 
 I enclose you the list of men whom I want 
 on the Committee on Platform. Do not lis- 
 ten to any changes. Show the platform to 
 none others but the gentlemen w^hose names 
 are on the committee. I look for a great 
 convention next month. I have written for 
 
<)2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 
 
 our California friend with tbe loud voice to 
 come on and rehearse his seconding speech 
 at the White House. I wrote it out for liiiu 
 two months ago and I want you to be here 
 when he reads it. I think you will like it. 
 I have sent the colored delegate his second- 
 ing speech. The New York man's speech is 
 almost ready. I expect to finish it to-night. 
 I regard him as the best man I could name 
 for chairman. If you have time, come up to- 
 morrow at one o'clock and take lunch with 
 me. 
 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 43. 
 
 The President instructs a member of his 
 Cabinet to conduct negotiations with Eng- 
 land for the annexation of Ireland to the 
 I'nited States. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 93 
 
 The WMte House, 18—. 
 My Dear j\lr. Secretary : 
 
 I wish you would begin negotiations with 
 the British governmem: for the annexation 
 of Ireland to the United States. Let Eng- 
 land name its own price for the sale of Ire- 
 land and I will agree to whatever figure is 
 named. If we can negotiate this transfer it 
 will be the crowning achievement of my glo- 
 rious administration and will be the means 
 also of swinging the Irish vote into my col- 
 umn at the next election. 
 
 Ireland should be free, and I think it is 
 my duty to release it from the yoke that has 
 bound it to England for centuries. I think 
 England would be glad to take $500,000,000 
 for Ireland. The late war put a crimp into 
 her finances and |500,000,000 would come 
 in handy to the Treasury Department. We 
 can spare it, as there is more money in the 
 United States Treasury now than is needed. 
 
 My plan is to have Ireland a part of the 
 United States. Her people are coming to 
 
yj. LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 this country by the thousands every week. 
 They would not come here if Ireland were 
 a State iu our Union. I firmly believe that 
 En«;land will consent to the sale of the 
 Emerald Isle. If she does, we will close the 
 matter promptly, and I will have a new 
 American flag, consisting of red, white, blue 
 and green, made for general use. This will 
 be necessary by reason of the sale or annexa- 
 tion of Ireland. The new national flag will 
 be used in the United States, Ireland and 
 all of our colonies. 
 
 I am very anxious to bring this thing to a 
 head at this time for the reason that I must 
 have the support of the Irish at the polls, 
 and nothing would bring that vote to me 
 quicker than by my action in the way indi- 
 cated in this letter. Even if the negotiations 
 fail I will get the credit of being the pioneer 
 in a great undertaking. I shall look for- 
 ward to you to open negotiations at once. 
 To-morrow I will call in all of the news- 
 paper correspondents and inform them of 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 95 
 
 the action I have ordered you to take regard- 
 ing freeing Ireland. 
 
 Eespectfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 44. 
 
 The President revises the speech that is 
 to be delivered placing him in nomination 
 for President and instructs the Governor to 
 be more personal when referring to the 
 President in his speech. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Governor : 
 
 I have read the speech which you will de- 
 liver at the Chicago convention placing me 
 in nomination for the Presidency. I like it 
 very much. I have only a few suggestions 
 to make in the way of changes, and hope 
 
9Q LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 you will regard them iu the same light as 
 I do. 
 
 I ^Yould first suggest that you use my 
 name frequenth'. You kuow that in a na- 
 tional convention the name of a popular 
 idol when mentioned by the man who is 
 nominating him for President means muck 
 in the matter of arousing applause. There- 
 fore, I would respectfully suggest that in- 
 stead of beginning your speech with the epi- 
 gram — and right here I want to say that it 
 is a gem — you start off by mentioning my 
 name. That will bring out the applause. 
 Secondly, I would suggest that you close 
 your speech with my name. That will put 
 the finishing touches on the splendid ad- 
 dress you have prepared and you wiil receive 
 a great ovation. 
 
 I would eliminate, my dear Governor, 
 much of the matter referring to our national 
 policy. You know that I have no fixed pol- 
 icy at this time. I believe in leaving policy 
 aside until some future time. Refer as much 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 97 
 
 as you like to what I have done and will do 
 in building up this great government, but do 
 not commit me to any definite future policy. 
 The more personal you make your nominat- 
 ing speech the more uproarious applause 
 you will receive, and it will make the read- 
 ing of the convention reports sent out more 
 interesting. 
 
 When you have the speech revised please 
 send me a proof, and if there are any more 
 changes to be made I will return it by spe- 
 cial messenger. With best wishes for your 
 success, I am 
 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 45. 
 
 The President writes his literary friend, 
 suggesting to him three names for the book 
 
98 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 dealing with the life of the President. To 
 instruct the National Committee to buy 
 seven million copies of the work. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Jake: 
 
 I sincerely hope that your book will be a 
 wonderful success. I know it will. You 
 always did WTite good stuff for the news- 
 papers, and in the book world you will shine 
 as brilliantly as you did when you were in 
 New York '"doing" police. 
 
 Now, about my naming the book which 
 you have written around my career. I have 
 read the proof sheets and I take pleasure in 
 saying that you have treated the subject 
 splendidly. I do not wish to appear egotis- 
 tical, but as you say I must give you a title 
 for the work, I will comply with your re- 
 quest. Any one of these three titles would 
 be pleasing to me: 
 
 "The Greatest Living American." 
 
 "The Most Beloved President in Historv." 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 99 
 
 "The Man Who Rejuvenated the United 
 States." 
 
 I would like to see your book issued just 
 after the Chicago convention. I will in- 
 struct the National Campaign Committee to 
 make arrangements with your publishers for 
 the purchase of 7,000,000 copies and they 
 will be sent broadcast to voters. I will see 
 that your splendid work attains the largest 
 circulation of any book ever published. 
 
 With best wishes for the success of your 
 latest production, I am 
 
 Cordially yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 lp:tter no. 46. 
 
 The President writes his intimate friend 
 "George" about the Chairmanship of the Na- 
 tional Committee, and, while he would like 
 
lOQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 to rnauage the campaign, tells "George" that 
 lie will allow him to conduct it. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear George: 
 
 Your suggestion that I elect myself chair- 
 man of the National Committee has been 
 given careful thought. I would like to man- 
 age my own campaign, but I hardly feel able 
 to carry out the task in the way 1 would 
 like to, as 1 have overworked myself this 
 year and am in need of a month's rest. I 
 see no impropriety in a President managing 
 his own campaign, and at one time this week 
 I was tempted to yield to your ideas in the 
 matter and order the National Committee 
 to elect me chairman, but on second thought 
 I have decided not to do so, and I therefore 
 will see that 3'ou are named in my stead. 
 
 I have every confidence in your ability to 
 manage my campaign. You will do the work 
 fully as well as I would, and I will have no 
 complaints to make at anything you may 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. -[Q^ 
 
 do. Of course, we will be in constant com- 
 munication, and I will furnish 3 ou with sug- 
 gestions daily as to what work must be done 
 and how it shall be done in the different 
 States. 
 
 You will be in supreme command at the 
 National Headquarters. Take orders from 
 none but mj'self. I want everything done 
 systematically, and regardless of expense. 
 
 I am thinking of going on the stump in 
 the last week of the campaign, not because 
 I feel that it will be necessary, but for the 
 reason that my appearance in several of the 
 large cities in the East and West will 
 awaken enthusiasm and will help to roll up 
 a majority for me that will make other ma- 
 jorities of Presidents appear insignificant. 
 
 Wishing you all possible success, I am 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 The Peesident. 
 
X02 i^ETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 47. 
 
 The President expresses great surprise at 
 the length of the apphiuse that greeted his 
 name when he was named for the Presi- 
 dency. Believes he will break the "Solid 
 South." 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 I must confess that I was a little bit sur- 
 prised when the news was flashed over the 
 A\ire that when my name was presented to 
 the convention for nomination for President 
 that the applause only lasted twenty min- 
 utes. I was figuring that as there were 20,- 
 000 people in the Auditorium the cheering 
 would have continued at least thirty-five or 
 forty minutes. T wanted to have the ap- 
 plause record at national conventions 
 broken, but so long as things went off as 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^Q^ 
 
 smoothly as they did 1 have no complaint 
 to make. 
 
 But the campaign Is on. We must bring 
 out every vote in the United States. The 
 Judge will be my opponent. I regard him 
 as the weakest candidate who could be 
 named against me. He won't carry his own 
 State. I Avill predict now that I will break 
 the "Solid South." I am anxious to do this, 
 for this will be a record-breaking campaign 
 and election, and if I do this I will pass into 
 history as the President who linked forever 
 the North and South into one indissoluble 
 country. I will bend all of my energies to 
 carrying the Southern States. 
 
 Our opponents will not have a large fund. 
 I have been promised all of the funds that 
 will be necessary to carry on a rousing cam- 
 paign. You open the campaign in New 
 York. When things become lively I will 
 hurl a few bombshells at the Judge and his 
 party and will show him and his friends that 
 I am not going to sit here in the White 
 
IQ^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 House and sa}' nothing while he does all of 
 the talking. If necessary I will make a few 
 speeches. 
 
 Campaign headquarters will be opened in 
 Chicago soon and also in New York, and 
 from Monday on every friend of mine must 
 be on the jump. If it is a possible thing I 
 would like to carry every State in the Union. 
 Let us start out with that object in view. 
 Yours faithfully, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 48. 
 
 The President writes the Chairman of the 
 National Committee, instructing him to ac- 
 cept the offer of seven hundred thousand dol- 
 lars from a trust, even though the money 
 be looked upon as slightly soiled. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^Q5 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. Chairman : 
 
 This letter is in answer to your long-dis- 
 tance telephone message of last evening, in 
 which you asked me if you would be justified 
 in accepting for the campaign fund |700,000 
 which, you claim, is ^'tainted money," it hav- 
 ing come from the most stupendous trust in 
 the world. My answer to your inquiry is 
 this: 
 
 Accept the money by all means. It will 
 be used for my election to the Presidency. 
 I believe that where good can be accom- 
 plished by money, even though it be wrung 
 from the pockets of the people, there can be 
 no harm done in accepting it, and I have 
 therefore arrived at the conclusion that we 
 are not stifling our consciences by using the 
 trust money in this campaign. The harm 
 that it is alleged the trust has done is more 
 than overbalanced in the generosity of the 
 gift to my campaign. 
 
 Have all of the railroads contributed to- 
 
l{){^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 wards my campai«;n yet? I must know 
 about this to-morrow, as I may send a spe- 
 cial commissioner to the West this week to 
 probe into some of the acts of the Western 
 roads, which, it is claimed, have been vio- 
 lating the Interstate Commerce law. 
 
 Use the long-distance telephone as often 
 as you deem necessary. All of my replies to 
 your important queries over the telephone 
 will be answered by mail. 
 
 Cordially, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 49 
 
 The President suggests suitable men to 
 head the State ticket in New York, and in 
 his letter says that he is going to knock out 
 the party in power in New York State. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^07 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Tim : 
 
 Your letter marked "Private" was re- 
 ceived this morning. I have carefully gone 
 o^er the matter with the Senator from Penn- 
 sylvania and have decided that it would not 
 be advisable for me to make any public 
 statement as to my preference for Governor 
 of New York. If I take a hand openly the 
 friends of the Chairman would knife me at 
 the polls, as I am against any man he is in 
 favor of. 
 
 I am frank to say that I would like to see 
 you nominated for Governor and the man 
 from Syracuse for Lieutenant-Governor. 
 You and the Senator are two of my most sin- 
 cere admirers. After a while I will send for 
 the Chairman and talk matters over with 
 him. I know he was against me in the last 
 campaign and tried only this year to defeat 
 my nomination for President, but in view of 
 another Presidential campaign I am com- 
 pelled to simulate friendship for him. I will 
 
JQg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 invite biui to luncheon next \s'eek and will 
 "pump" him on the Governorship question. 
 
 I would like to wipe out the present 
 regime in your State. I would if it were not 
 a Presidential year. The crowd that Is in 
 power there now is the worst I ever came in 
 contact with. The former crew was made 
 up of political thieves and highbinders, and 
 the molasses-and-tea crowd that is at the 
 helm now would make the Spanish buc- 
 caneers look sickly. After my election I am 
 going after the "grafters" and when I reach 
 the State of New York you will see a big 
 change. 
 
 The "tip" you gave me about Tammany 
 Hall I will follow up. I have sent a man to 
 treat with the "Boss." If he can swing the 
 full Tammany vote for me the Judge would 
 not carry the city. Kind regards. 
 Your friend and admirer, 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;1^09 
 
 LETTER NO. 50. 
 
 The President writes his old political 
 enemy "Lou," telling him how glad he is 
 that all has been forgotten and forgiven and 
 that they can once more shake hands and 
 work in harmony. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Lou : 
 
 I cannot help writing you about our pri- 
 vate talk here last evening. I am awfully 
 glad you have forgotten the past and what 
 I said about you a few years ago. I was 
 somewhat excited at the time when I re- 
 ferred to you as "one of the most unscrupu- 
 lous politicians in the State," and I know 
 you have forgiven and forgotten. We are 
 all aiming at one high purpose in the com- 
 ing campaign and that is my election as 
 President. I want your hearty and earnest 
 support, and I have your word that it will 
 be given in large measures. Thank you. I 
 
no LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 will auxiously scan the returns on election 
 night to see how well you have done for me 
 in your Congressional district. 
 
 Since we talked over matters last night 
 I hare come to the conclusion that it would 
 be a wise thing for me to establish a Na- 
 tional Bureau of Insurance. These insur- 
 ance societies should be under governmental 
 control. The way affairs are shaping them- 
 selves in the insurance world leads me to 
 believe that I had better establish this bu- 
 reau within the next few months, say just 
 after my election. I would like to make you 
 Superintendent of Insurance, with full 
 jurisdiction over every insurance company 
 in the United States. You are well fitted 
 for this high office by reason of your past 
 experience in an office of a similar character. 
 
 I want to carry New York by the largest 
 majority ever given to a Presidential candi- 
 date. I want to see the records smashed to 
 pieces, and you can materially assist. 
 
 Again assuring you, my dear Lou, of my 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. XII 
 
 most cordial good ^vill, and with best wishes 
 for your success in everything you under- 
 take, I am 
 
 Your devoted friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 51. 
 
 The President, in a letter to his friend 
 "Seth," insists that he come to the inaugu- 
 ration and bring all of the President's old- 
 time friends in the Far Western States. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Seth : 
 
 I have your letter of recent date in which 
 you say you will be unable to attend my in- 
 auguration as President of the United 
 States. Now, Seth, I want to say to you 
 that I will not listen for a moment to any 
 such excuse. I want you here on March 4th 
 
112 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDEXT. 
 
 — you must come. The pageant will be in- 
 complete without you and mv other cowboy 
 friends, and your friends. You and they 
 must come. 
 
 Regardless of expense, come to Washing- 
 ton and be here a few days previous to 
 March 4th. Bring jour ponies. If you 
 should run short of cash you know that the 
 Treasury Department is only one block from 
 the White House, and you can got all you 
 need there. If the worst should come to the 
 worst, why the advertising that you and 
 your party will receive by reason of your 
 attending my inauguration will enable you 
 to hold a big carnival at some one of the 
 parks here and afterwards sell your horses. 
 They will bring big. prices. 
 
 So prepare to come to Washington for my 
 inauguration. Bring "Dead-Shot Charley," 
 "Mexican Pete," "Lariat Lou," and by all 
 means see that "Buckskin Bill" is at the 
 depot, ticket in hand, when you are ready 
 to start. I recall with considerable pleasure 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^]^3 
 
 these good fellows in my ranch days. I will 
 look for them. I hope you will have at least 
 twenty-five in your party. I shall see to it 
 that 3^ou get a good position in the inaugural 
 parade. 
 
 With cordial good wishes, I am 
 Delightedly yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 52. 
 
 The President calls the attention of the 
 National Chairman to the delay in the re- 
 ceipt of campaign funds from the trusts and 
 urges haste. He gives instructions where 
 to send funds. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear George: 
 
 What is the cause of the delay upon the 
 part of the coal and sugar people? The 
 
1^4: LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 funds should have been placed in your hands 
 last Friday. These "Divine Eight" men 
 must not be allowed to sneak away from 
 National Headquarters after leaving a pal- 
 try $500,000 for campaign purposes. Call 
 the coal people up on the 'phone to-morrow 
 and tell them in plain language that you 
 need the other $500,000 now. The sugar 
 people must be given to understand that if 
 they are to expect future favors from me 
 they will have to come forward at once with 
 the remainder of the |750,000 they promised 
 three weeks ago. The favors I have granted 
 them entitles me to some consideration at 
 their hands when I am in need of a big cam- 
 paign fund. 
 
 What reports I get here personally from 
 people in different parts of the country lead 
 me to say that we will win by a tremendous 
 majority. The Judge continues to attack 
 me personally. On Friday evening I will 
 give the Associated Press a statement that 
 will lift the Judge from his feet. I have 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. |;[5 
 
 been aching to get at him for several weeks, 
 and if it had not been for the importunities 
 of the Senator from Connecticut I would 
 have gone over to New York and made one 
 speech in Madison Square Garden in answer 
 to the speeches the Judge has been deliver- 
 ing. I have had good luck in defeating 
 judges. I have the scalp of one on my belt. 
 Two judges' scalps will be added to the belt 
 on election night. 
 
 I wish you would send out |200,000 to 
 Indiana on Saturday. It is needed there to 
 bring out the full vote. Drop |150,000 into 
 Connecticut and |150,000 into New Jersey. 
 Express to Missouri |200,000. We are going 
 to carry that State, but money is needed to 
 do it. 
 
 Keep up the good work you are doing. You 
 are the best chairman the National Com- 
 mittee ever had. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The Pre.sident. 
 
Xl() LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 53. 
 
 The President pauses in the rush of con- 
 gratulations over his re-election to ^Tite a 
 friend, whom he tells how pleased he is at 
 tlie great personal victory. Eefers to his 
 being a "Self-Made President." 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Judge : 
 
 Your telegram of congratulation was the 
 first to be received at the ^yhite House this 
 evening, and I have taken time to answer it 
 myself. It was certainly a glorious victory. 
 I regard it as a personal one. All of the big 
 politicians were for me and none of them 
 wanted me; but the people had faith in my 
 judgment and they trusted me, and the enor- 
 mous majority by which I was elected justi- 
 fies me in saying that my administration has 
 given entire satisfaction to all of my fellow- 
 countrymen, regardless of party, color, 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 1\^J 
 
 creed or nationality. I have tried lo be tlie 
 President of all the people and have suc- 
 ceeded. 
 
 My dear Judge, I have striven hard to be 
 the prince of thoroughgoing Americans. I 
 am an Easterner, a Westerner, a Northerner 
 and a Southerner. I could not be sectional 
 if I would. I believe in the American na- 
 tion. It is the star of my life. I stand for 
 America first, for all other nations after. 
 I desire to injure no other nations, but when 
 they tread on Uncle Sam's lawn they must 
 expect to be chastised. This is my policy. 
 
 I began at the foot of the ladder and by 
 my own efforts and genius have worked my- 
 self up to the highest place on earth. I am 
 truly a "Self-Made President." I am glad 
 to number such as you as a warm friend. 
 1 believe in manhood. To me manhood is the 
 sun of the world. 
 
 I will enter upon my duties on March 4 
 next with but one thought in mind, and that 
 is to make the best President these United 
 
1J3 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 States ever had. When I have ended my sec- 
 ond term, if the people want me to run again 
 I will be at their service. The people served 
 me well ; I will serve them the same way. 
 
 I thank you, my dear Judge, for your kind 
 words. I hope to have the pleasure of your 
 company at dinner in the White House 
 'ilM)ut Christmas time. 
 
 Sincerely yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 54. 
 
 The President writes to a war correspond- 
 ent, informing him of the great literary 
 feat he performed by writing a book in forty- 
 eight hours. Says that it will have the 
 largest circulation of any book ever pub- 
 lished. 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. HQ 
 
 The WMte House, 18—. 
 My Dear Dick : 
 
 I was delighted to learn of your return 
 from the Far East and hope you will be able 
 to come to Washington some day next week 
 and tell me all about the war. Your articles 
 from Chefoo pleased me immensely. You 
 certainly are the greatest war correspondent 
 in the history of the world. 
 
 I am glad you like my latest work. I 
 wrote that book in forty-eight hours. I can- 
 not recall an instance in American history 
 where an author turned out a book on a 
 weighty subject in such marvelous! y quick 
 time. My publishers say it will iiave the 
 largest sale of any book ever published in 
 the United States. All the reviewers praise 
 my style and say that my descriptions are 
 masterpieces and are more vivid than are to 
 be found in Dumas' works. Of course, aside 
 from my Presidential ambitions, I have one 
 other object in life, and that is to figure in 
 history with Dumas, Shakespeare, Carlyle, 
 
]^OQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 Longfellow and Holmes as literary geniuses. 
 I like to write awfully well, and it delights 
 me to know with v.hat great and unstinted 
 praise my literary productions are received 
 by the general public. My latest work will 
 be translated into every known language 
 The Emperor of Germany, the Sultan ol' 
 Turkey and the Shah of Persia have each 
 cabled me for 100,000 copies of the work for 
 distribution among their subjects. My pub- 
 lishers have had to work day and night get- 
 ting out copies to supply the demand. They 
 claim that at least 75,000,000 will be the 
 sale, which will eclipse the sales of any book 
 ever published, not excepting tlie Bible and 
 Shakespeare's works. As a literary man I 
 know you rejoice with me in the wonderful 
 success that has met my efforts witli the 
 pen. 
 
 When you come over here some day to 
 lunch I will present you willi the pen I 
 wrote my latest book with. I kuow you will 
 1)1 ace a high value upon it as a keepsake. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^21 
 
 With kind regards to yourself and Charley, 
 I ain^ 
 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 55. 
 
 The President accepts the decoration of 
 the Order of the Double Cross from the Em- 
 peror of China and announces to the Em- 
 peror that he will send to Ireland as Consul 
 the best-known Chinese-American. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 His Imperial Majesty,, 
 
 Pekin, China. 
 Your Majesty : 
 
 I beg to acknowledge the receipt from you 
 of the tin medal emblematic of the Order of 
 the Double Cross. I accept the decoration 
 with thanks and assure you that I deeply 
 appreciate the high honor you have con- 
 
222 LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 ferred upon me. 1 intend to wear the medal 
 as a watch charm. 
 
 I have received many honors during mj 
 term as President of the United States, but 
 none have been accepted with more pleasure 
 than this one. It certainly is highlj- com- 
 plimentary to me to be decorated b} the Em- 
 peror of such a great nation as China. I am 
 the first President of the United States to 
 receive the Order of the Double Cross and 
 I am very proud of it. 
 
 I hope to have the pleasure some day of 
 going to China. I have always admired your 
 country, its climate, its marked progressive- 
 ness in every way and the cordiality you ex- 
 hibit towards foreigners, especially Ameri- 
 cans. If I have my own way about it — and 
 I generally do liave my own way — I think 1 
 shall move to Pekin when I finish my term 
 of ofiQce eight years from now and make it 
 my home. I would like to become interestetl 
 in politics there. 
 
 Of course, you have heard of my re-elec- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^23 
 
 tion. It was a sweeping victory for me. I 
 carried every State in the Union that was 
 worth carrying. I want to thank you for 
 the friendly interest you manifested in my 
 re-election by sending word to all of the 
 Chinese-Americans to support me. They 
 voted for me to a man. 
 
 Out of courtesy to you, and as a means of 
 testifying to my appreciation of the support 
 and votes of the Chinese-Americans at the 
 last election, I shall shortly appoint the 
 Hon. Mock Wing, the most distinguished 
 Chinese-American in this country, Consul- 
 General to Dublin, Ireland, one of the most 
 important diplomatic posts in the world. 
 
 With renewed assurance of my most dis- 
 tinguished consideration, I am. 
 With deep respect, 
 
 The President. 
 
;J^24 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 56. 
 
 The President is displeased at the trouble 
 in the Far East and tells an army officer 
 that he will take the field himself and lead 
 one hundred thousand troops to the Philip- 
 pines unless the rebels cease their warfare. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Lieutenant : 
 
 Delighted indecnl was I when I read your 
 letter from Manila. I thank you for your 
 very fine New Year's gift of a Philippine 
 rangulla. It is one of the rarest animals now 
 in captivity and I have given it the place of 
 honor in the White House Zoo gardens. A 
 picture of the new exhibit has been printed 
 in all of the metropolitan newspapers. 
 
 I was very much interested in your com- 
 ments on the situation in the Philippine Isl- 
 ands. I have known for a long time that 
 there was trouble brewing in the mountain 
 districts, but I ordered my Secretary of War 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. \2d 
 
 to suppress news of any insurrection, as the 
 publication of news of suck a nature might 
 have had a bad effect on the national elec- 
 tion. 
 
 The people in our colonies must be con- 
 tented with American rule. There is no 
 need for their continually harassing the gov- 
 ernment by petitioning for autonomy. The 
 American flag and American officers and 
 men are in the Philippines to stay. Every 
 insurrection must be put down, and put 
 down quickly. 
 
 If the war in the islands should continue 
 for any length of time I will take it upon 
 myself as commander-in-chief of the Ameri- 
 can army to lead a force of 100,000 men and 
 go to Manila and put an end forever to the 
 internecine strife that now exists there. I 
 am not entirely satisfied with the way some 
 of my officers have handled the Philippine 
 troubles, and if I hear any more unfavorable 
 reports from the Far East I shall go to the 
 islands myself at the head of my army and 
 
]^26 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 proceed immediately to crush the rebellion. 
 Not in this generation has an American 
 President led his forces in battle, and I hope 
 to be able to number myself among the few 
 great rulers on earth \yho have gone to the 
 front with their armies. 
 
 I assure you that I will lead an army to 
 the Philippines soon unless the tribal war 
 ceases. 
 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 57. 
 
 The President is pleased at the editorials 
 appearing in a New York newspaper sug- 
 gesting him for a third term, and writes a 
 friend that it looks as if the people would 
 insist upon him again running for Presi- 
 dent. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;[27 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Governor: 
 
 1 would like through you to express to the 
 New York editor my deep appreciation of 
 the handsome way in which he is treating 
 the third-term question. He is saying some 
 nice things about me every day, and I am 
 receiving telegrams and letters from all 
 parts of the country telling me that I must 
 stand for a third term. Your editor friend 
 is the cause of this, and as you are quite inti- 
 mate with him I hope you will, at your 
 earliest convenience, tell him how pleased I 
 am at the attitude his newspaper has as- 
 sumed towards me since the last campaign. 
 
 Of course, I have said that I would not 
 be a candidate for re-election, but you know, 
 my dear Governor, that the will of the peo- 
 ple is more potent than the will of any man, 
 and I may be forced to yield to the public 
 will and accept another term. It looks now 
 as if the people will demand my re-election. 
 The Vice-President is an avowed candidate 
 
X28 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 for the Presidential uomiuation, but I am 
 not worrying over this. I seem to be pleas- 
 ing the people, and I Avill not be taken by 
 surprise if my nomination is demanded four 
 years from now. 
 
 I am striving to be a typical President 
 and I am doing everything I can to please 
 all sections of our country, and if the people 
 want me to accept a third term I shall be 
 compelled to yield to their wishes. 
 
 With renewed expression of good will and 
 friendliness, I am 
 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 58. 
 
 The President writes a Congressional 
 friend, asking him to assist in passing the 
 bill increasing the salary of the President. 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^29 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Congressman : 
 
 I quite agree with the statement you made 
 in your note of this morning in which you 
 say that there appears to be a large majority 
 of the members of the House in favor of 
 passing the bill increasing my salary to 
 1100,000 a year. Ten of the leading and 
 most conspicuous members of the House 
 from New York and Illinois told me this 
 morning that they will vote and work for 
 the Presidential Increase Bill. This, I as- 
 sured them, was very pleasing to me. 
 
 You will note that two of the leading 
 newspapers in New York have been calling 
 upon the House every day for the past fort- 
 night demanding that my salary be in- 
 creased. I am particularly pleased at the 
 way they are treating the bill. 
 
 Of course, you know that unless the bill 
 is passed at this session I will not get the 
 benefit of the increase should it be ordered 
 at the next session. I think it would be one 
 
;[30 LETTERS OB" A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 of the si^uificaut events of my administra- 
 tion if the Increase in Salary Bill were 
 passed. I hope to have the pleasure of sign- 
 ing such a measure before you adjourn on 
 March 4. 
 
 By the way, I am going to nominate that 
 friend of jouvb who wants to be sent as Con- 
 sul to Zanzibar. The salary is not large, but 
 I understand the hunting there is fine, and 
 he will get a lot of enjoyment out of his stay 
 in Africa. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 59. 
 
 The President thanks an old-time friend 
 for suggesting him for Mayor, and adds that 
 he would be pleased to accept the office after 
 he finishes his term as President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, y^^ 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Ed : 
 
 I will never forget your kindness in the 
 matter referred to in your letter of Satur- 
 day. You are certainly a noble, self sacrific- 
 ing man and a true friend. Regarding my 
 plans for the future I cannot say. The 
 papers are insisting upon me running for a 
 third term, and I suppose I will have to 
 yield to their importunities. I would like 
 to break the record in the Presidential chair 
 and I think my ambition will be gratified. 
 
 After I leave the White House I would 
 like to run for Mayor. Nothing would give 
 me greater pleasure, unless it be a lion and 
 grizzly hunt in Colorado. I would like to 
 be Mayor just four years. In that time I 
 would make the city worth living in, I want 
 to abolish the present Republican and Dem- 
 ocratic gangs there, and if I ever get the 
 chance I will hit them hard. If I should 
 run there is no doubting what the result 
 would be. The voters know me well and 
 
132 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 know that I would do aomcthiny. The man 
 who does things is the man nowadays who 
 gets into office. I would rather be Mayor 
 for four years than accept the college presi- 
 dency you refer to. That could come to me 
 after my term as Mayor. 
 
 Go ahead along the lines you started 
 working on. Something will come out of 
 the Mayoralty boom that will result to our 
 mutual advantage. 
 
 With fond regards and best wishes, I am 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 60. 
 
 The President gives orders as to how his 
 inauguration shall be conducted and says 
 that it must be made the greatest show ever 
 seen on earth. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^33 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. Chairman : 
 
 I was wild with delight upon receipt of 
 the news that the band of Iggorotes, or 
 "Head Hunters," are coming to my inaugu- 
 ration one hundred strong. I think they 
 will be the most picturesque group in the 
 procession. I am in favor of having every 
 tribe in the Far East represented at the 
 March 4th pageant, which I believe is to be 
 the grandest show ever seen in this country. 
 My idea is to have the ceremonies on a par 
 with the Durbar in India. Spare no expense 
 in making it outshine any inauguration that 
 has ever taken jjlace in the history of this 
 nation. 
 
 I believe in pomp and ceremony, and with 
 this idea uppermost in your mind you will 
 make no mistake in carrying out the neces- 
 sary arrangements. Every national guards- 
 man must be in Washington for the event. 
 Have all of the Indian tribes sent East. 
 Summon delegations from all of our colonies 
 
]^34 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 and notify tlicm tliat thov must come 
 dressed in their most picturesque costumes. 
 The "Head Hunters" will be a given a posi- 
 tion in the parade right behind mv soldiers 
 who served with me in the war. 
 
 Pay no attention to the disciples of the 
 has-been and the commonplace. You will 
 be given advice about having things done as 
 they were done at former inaugurations, but 
 to all such advice say "skadoo-skadoo." 
 
 I would arrange to have about two hun- 
 dred thousand men in line. Clubs from all 
 parts of the country will be transported to 
 Washington free of charge, as I have ar- 
 ranged with the railroads for special trains 
 for all clubs and delegations who t\ ill be as- 
 signed a place in the inaugural parade. 
 
 Limit the bill for fireworks to .?! 00,000. 
 Have the fireworks picture of myself 50 x 40 
 feet. You need not bother about having a 
 picture of the Vice-President made. His 
 turn will come for this honor in the years 
 to come. T have engaged a caterer from Eng- 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. I35 
 
 land to prepare the inaugural ball supper. 
 He will bring with him his own crew of 
 cooks and one thousand English waiters, 
 who will appear in court dress when they 
 serve the supper. As other matters of im- 
 portance pertaining to the inauguration 
 come up I shall inform you as to what ar- 
 rangements I have made. All of the details 
 I shall take care of myself. You will be kept 
 busy attending to the clerical force. 
 Eespectfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 61. 
 
 The President accepts an invitation to ac- 
 company an aerialist on a balloon ascension 
 to be made from the World's Fair grounds. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Professor : 
 
 I hasten to acknowledge the receipt of 
 
136 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 Your kind invitation to accompau} you on 
 a balloon ascension from the World's Fair 
 grounds on the afternoon of July 11. I 
 gladly accept the invitation. It will be the 
 first trip of its kind I have ever taken, and 
 I am looking forward to a very pleasant 
 time. I shall accompany you regardless of 
 the condition of the weather, so you can go 
 ahead and make your preparations. 
 
 I have had a longing desire to take a trip 
 in a balloon, and I did not hesitate about ac- 
 cepting the invitation when it was received. 
 I hope we will be able to take a trip of about 
 two thousand miles. I should like to go 
 along the Mississippi route, as the scenery 
 in that section is very fine. 
 
 One of the delights I find in being Presi- 
 dent is that whatever I do or wherever I go 
 no adverse comment is made by the public 
 or by the press. If any other President were 
 to take a trip in an airship or in a balloon 
 public meetings would be held in every 
 town, village and hamlet in the country pro- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. X37 
 
 testing against the Chief Executive taking 
 such undue liberties with the dignity of his 
 high office. With me it is different. The 
 other day I went to a blacksmith's shop and 
 shoed one of my horses just to experience 
 the novelty of such a job. I frequently take 
 a trip in my airship to Baltimore, Richmond 
 and adjacent cities. 
 
 There is, in my opinion, no reason for 
 hemming in the President and demanding 
 of him that he stay in the White House and 
 attend to the tiresome duties of greeting the 
 sleepy old Senators and holding public re- 
 ceptions and dinners in their honor. The 
 President is human, and he likes to indulge 
 in the sports and pastimes that his people 
 like to enjoy. I have done all this during 
 my term as President, and when you invited 
 me to take a trip in your balloon I did not 
 ask any one if it would be proper for me to 
 go on such a perilous journey. I have made 
 up my mind to go and I shall. If you think 
 we are likely to be detained in the clouds 
 
]^38 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 for a day or so bring all the necessary pro- 
 visions to last while we are away. If the 
 event is proi)erly advertised I should think 
 you would have five hundred thousand peo- 
 ple on the fair grounds during the day of 
 the ascension. 
 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 62. 
 
 The President makes a bid for the Irish 
 vote and makes known to all Irishmen why 
 they should support him for re-election. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear James : 
 
 I have just read your letter in the Herald 
 in which you endorse my candidacy for 
 President and call upon the Ancient Order 
 of United Irishmen to heartily support me. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^39 
 
 The organization of which you are president 
 numbers hundreds of thousands of voters, 
 and I want their support. Your letter is a 
 splendid one, and I will have it sent to every 
 Irish voter in the United States. 
 
 The reasons you set forth why I should 
 be re-elected President are certainly cogent 
 ones. I could not have made them clearer 
 if I had written to the Herald myself. I will 
 certainly bear you in mind if I am elected. 
 
 As you stated in your last letter, I have 
 been a consistent friend of Ireland and 
 Home Rule ever since I was first elected to 
 the Legislature in my home State. I have 
 been charged ever since I became President 
 of being on too friendly terms with Eng- 
 land, but if I have exhibited any undue 
 friendship it was for a purpose. There is 
 Irish blood in my veins and I am proud of 
 it. During the war my regiment bore off all 
 the honors of that bloody conflict. As the 
 leader of that regiment I came to know 
 intimately every man in it, and I am proud 
 
;[40 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 of the fact tliiit the best fighters Avere the 
 Irish- Americans and the Jews. 
 
 It is wise to consider what will happen to 
 any prominent Irish-American who holds 
 office and who will oppose my re-election 
 this year. No one man, no one organization, 
 can defeat me, and I hope your letter will 
 have the effect of bringing into line all of 
 the Irish voters. I am down for a number 
 of Home Eule speeches in different States 
 after the election and the dates will be made 
 iwblic shortl}-. I love Ireland and Irish- 
 men, and I solicit through you the votes of 
 the Irish, ^^'hen Ireland and all of her 
 friends were encouraging the opponents of 
 England during the late war you will re- 
 member my sympathy, moral and financial, 
 was given to the brave Dutchmen who were 
 fighting England for the country they had 
 settled. 
 
 I am to give an "Irish Dinner" at the 
 White House on the 4th inst, and shall ex- 
 pect you to be one of my guests. After din- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^_^^ 
 
 ner we will attend the performance of "Col- 
 leen Bawn" at the National Theatre. 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 63. 
 
 The President advises a young English- 
 man to vote for him for the office of Chief 
 Executive, as he (the President) has been 
 friendly to England. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Young Friend : 
 
 I am in receipt of your letter of October 
 2, in which you ask me for advice as to how 
 you shall vote in the coming Presidential 
 election. I cheerfully comply with your re- 
 quest. 
 
 I am pleased to be informed that you have 
 renounced allegiance to Great Britain and 
 
1^2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 that you are now a full-fledged xVmerican 
 and will cast your first vote this year. I am 
 also pleased to know that you are a member 
 of the Orangemen's Society. 1 number 
 among its members some of my most valued 
 and esteemed friends — men who are loyal to 
 the country of their adoption, but who are 
 mindful of the love and devotion they owe 
 to the mother country. I would suggest to 
 every young English-American who will 
 participate in the coming election that he 
 vote for the set of Presidential electors who 
 will vote for me. I have done a great 
 deal in my brief career to promote a 
 friendly and cordial feeling between 
 England and America. Of course, I have 
 had to preside and make speeches at a 
 number of Home lUile for Ireland meet- 
 ings, but I did this in order to keep on good 
 terms with the millions of Irish voters. They 
 are an important factor in our national elec- 
 tions and the President must use a little 
 "salve" on them. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^43 
 
 You are a 3'Oung man and therefore 
 should vote for the young people's candi- 
 date for President. Look what I have done 
 for our American boys. I have taught them 
 to be courageous and brave — to hunt, shoot, 
 ride horseback, box, fence, swim, wrestle, 
 play baseball, polo, cricket and golf, and to 
 indulge in other manly sports. The other 
 day I was endorsed for President by the 
 Young Men's American Union, which boasts 
 of a membership list of two millions. Never 
 before has a candidate for President re- 
 ceived such splendid endorsements from the 
 young men as I have. I claim to be friendly 
 with all nationalities. I have an especial 
 liking for Englishmen. The people of Eng- 
 land are anxious to see me elected. Only 
 yesterday the mail brought me a letter from 
 Great Britain's ruler wishing me good luck 
 in the approaching contest, and closing with 
 the hope that I will once more lead my 
 countrymen triumphantly. Hoping that you 
 will see your way clear to vote for me and 
 
j^44 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 will aid ill the common cause in November, 
 
 I am 
 
 Faithfully jours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 P. S. — You are at libertj^ to make what- 
 ever use of this letter j^ou see fit. 
 
 LETTER NO. 64. 
 
 The President writes that he is pleased to 
 know that a society is organized to assist in 
 preserving the home in which he was born, 
 and concludes by subscribing ten thousand 
 dollars to the Presidential Home Fund. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Presidential Home Society: 
 
 My Dear Sir — It has pleased me immense- 
 ly to note that you have begun a movement 
 that will end in the preservation of the home 
 in which I was born. This is certainly a 
 very enterprising act upon your part and 
 
LETTERS OB^ A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^45 
 
 historians will reward jou for the great ser- 
 vice you are doing for posterity. 
 
 Some time ago the suggestion was made 
 that Congress pass a law setting aside a cer- 
 tain sum of money to purchase the residence 
 in which I passed so many happy days, but 
 when your society was organized the talk 
 about Congress appropriating money for the 
 purpose you have in mind ended. 
 
 You ask me if I have any suggestions to 
 make to your society regarding the project. 
 Only this : Make your society a permanent 
 one. Have it incorporated under the laws 
 of your State. Set aside a certain sum 
 which will defray the expenses of keeping 
 the home in good condition for a number of 
 years. When I have ended my earthly ca- 
 reer my fellow-countrymen will not forget 
 my old homestead, and for generations to 
 come it will be an object of interest to every 
 person who visits your beautiful city. 
 
 I enclose you my check for |10,000 to be 
 applied to the Presidential Home Society. 
 
;[46 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 Use it for whatever purpose voii see fit. I 
 \\ill ship you a splendid oil painting of my- 
 self in the near future which you ean hang 
 in the east parlor. I hope your society will 
 flourish. It was organized under good aus- 
 pices and I have no misgivings about its fu- 
 ture. Please convey to the members of the 
 society my best wishes. With many thanks 
 for your kind letter and the cordial expres- 
 sions contained therein, I am 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 65. 
 
 The President to recommend to Congress 
 the passage of an act empowering the Execu- 
 tive to institute the "Order of Amei'ican No- 
 bility." 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^47 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Senator : 
 
 There is a tremendous deficit in the Treas- 
 ury. I think it is somewhere in the neigh- 
 borhood of 1100,000,000, and I have hit on 
 a brand-new scheme to prevent our wealth- 
 iest Americans from going abroad to live, 
 taking their vast wealth with them and in- 
 vesting it on worthless dukes and counts. 
 This government must put a check on this 
 annual annexing by Europeans of our 
 wealthiest men and women who go over 
 there to marry titles. There is a clause in 
 our antiquated Constitution which says 
 something about the United States not being 
 allowed to grant titles, but I will get a fa- 
 vorable opinion from the Supreme Court 
 and will prevent the old fogy Senators from 
 trying to prevent the passage of my bill, en- 
 titled "An Act to Empower the President of 
 the United States to Institute the Order of 
 American Nobility." The creation of such 
 an order will stop this monthly sending of 
 
;[4.8 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 American gold to support broken-down 
 titled foreigners who have married our 
 wealthiest girls and will relieve the Treas- 
 ury to a great extent. 
 
 As soon as the "Nobility Bill" is passed 
 and becomes a law by my signature I shall 
 create a legion of lords, dukes, earls, baro- 
 nets, barons, princes, viscounts, esquires, 
 honorables, etc. 
 
 My idea is to have the President confer 
 all titles. I would begin by bestowing upon 
 all ex-Presidents of the United States the 
 title of "Your Lordship." Upon all former 
 Vice-Presidents I would confer the title of 
 honorable. That would be sufficient for 
 those who linger in that office for four years. 
 
 All bachelors who could prove they are 
 worth 15,000,000 would be entitled to be 
 called "Duke." 
 
 Single or married n\en who possess |200,- 
 000,000 would be created Princes of the 
 Realm. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^49 
 
 Single men who have |150,000,000 would 
 be given the title of Marquis. 
 
 Single men worth from |75,000,000 to 
 1100,000,000 would fall into the title of Vis- 
 count. 
 
 Every single man who had a bank account 
 of 11,000,000 I would make a Baron. 
 
 Of course, I would not overlook the great 
 "Captains of Industry" and our trust mag- 
 nates who have ruled Wall Street and have 
 built up our largest corporations. I would 
 decorate them in accordance with their mag- 
 nificent undertakings and at the same time 
 take into consideration their bank accounts. 
 
 On the wealthy single women of the coun- 
 try I would confer titles of no small degree. 
 In fact, I would do as no other American has 
 ever dreamed of — open up a matrimonial 
 highway that would for all time prevent 
 marriages between titled foreigners and our 
 wealthy women. My plan would keep Amer- 
 ican gold on this side of the Atlantic. Hovv' 
 nice it would be in this country if we could 
 
]^50 LETTERS OF A rfELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 read in our newspapers official news about 
 such titled persons as the following : 
 
 His Lordship the ex-President of 
 the United States has gone on a six 
 months' hunting trip to Lincoln, 
 Neb. 
 
 The Right Honorable the ex-Vice- 
 President of the United States has 
 announced his candidacy for 
 Mayor of Peoria, 111. 
 
 His Grace the Duke of Missis- 
 sippi is arranging for a lynching 
 bee on the 3d inst. 
 
 The Most Noble the Marquis of 
 Denver has presented the Presi- 
 dent of the United States with a 
 splendid specimen of the sea ele- 
 phant. 
 
 The Right Honorable the Earl of 
 Brooklyn will entertain at dinner 
 on Monday in honor of His Royal 
 Highness the Prince of Newburgh. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^^ 
 
 The Eight Honorable Lord Vis- 
 count Jones and the Baroness 
 Smith have announced their en- 
 gagement. They will wed in the 
 fall and will spend their honey- 
 moon on the estate of the Duke of 
 Pociantico. 
 
 The Marquis of Buffalo gave a 
 chowder party yesterday in honor 
 of the Duke of Rochester. 
 
 Sir William Brown, Kt, is to try 
 for Congress from the Syracuse dis- 
 trict. The present member is Sir 
 Raphael Brick, Bart. 
 
 The Lord Chief Justice of New 
 York and the Lord High Chancel- 
 lor of San Francisco are visiting 
 on their private estate in Philadel- 
 phia. 
 
 The President will give a 100- 
 plate dinner to-night in honor of 
 the Earl of Morgan, who is soon to 
 be decorated with the additional 
 
;[52 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 title of "Knight of the Golden 
 Fleece." 
 
 The Duchess of Utica announces 
 the engagement of hei* niece, the 
 Viscountess Bund^', and Sir Will- 
 iam Plane, Master of the Hounds, 
 one of the highest officials in the 
 Cabinet of his Excellency the Pres- 
 ident of the United States. 
 
 Sir William Hogg, of Chicago, 
 announces the engagement of his 
 daughter, Lady Adelaine Hogg, 
 and the Kight Honorable Lord 
 Bombaj', of Baltimore. Sir Will- 
 iam will entertain this evening, the 
 guest of honor being His Royal 
 Highness John D., Prince of Cleve- 
 land. 
 
 By instituting "The Order of American 
 Nobility" our rich young men and women 
 would not be at a disadvantage when com- 
 pared with the titled men and women of Eii- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^^53 
 
 rope. Every American man and woman lias 
 the right to become a prince and a princcKSS. 
 Why, then, compel them to go abroad to get 
 these and other titles? My plan solves the 
 problem. The new order would be a useful 
 addition to America. It is needed here. 
 Congress can institute it at once, and then 
 fitting and new social advantages will be be- 
 stowed upon those who can lay claim to 
 them. 
 
 I greatly desire the enactment of the "No- 
 bility Bill" and I shall expect it to be 
 promptly passed. 
 
 Believe me to be sincerely yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 66. 
 
 The President arranges to have one hun- 
 dred phonographs placed in the White 
 
]^54- LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 House and will hereafter have all of his ad- 
 dresses recorded in the machines. • 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 President International Phonograph 
 
 Company, New York City, X. Y. 
 Dear Sir: 
 
 I gladly comply with your request that 
 you be allowed to place one hundred phono- 
 graphs in the White House for my special 
 use in delivering public addresses. You can 
 place them here at your earliest convenience, 
 
 I have found that my time is so occupies! 
 that it is impossible to comply with the nu- 
 merous requests for me to speak in different 
 parts of the country, and I have decided 
 to have all of my addresses — with a few ex- 
 ceptions — recorded in the phonograph, 
 thereby handing them down to posterity. 
 By this means I will be saving a great deal 
 of time now lost in traveling to distant 
 cities to speiik. At the same time I can be 
 heard on the same evening in the four parts 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^55 
 
 of the country. I can accept an invitation 
 to speak in San Francisco the same evening 
 that I am down for an address in New York, 
 and the people of New Orleans can hear a 
 speech from my lips the same evening that 
 the populace in St. Paul will hear me. It 
 will be impossible for me to accept an invi- 
 tation to speak before the Chamber of Com- 
 merce in Horseheads, N. Y., and I would 
 not think of taking a trip to Verona just to 
 address the Business Men's Association of 
 that hamlet, but I can send to each of those 
 great bodies a phonograph record of a spe- 
 cially prepared speech, and the same formal- 
 ities can be gone through with in introduc- 
 ing the phonograph as would be carried out 
 if I Avere there. 
 
 The Emperor of China, the Sultan of Tur- 
 key and the Mahahrajah of Koko have asked 
 me for a record of my voice, and I shall send 
 them a few remarks by one of your records 
 as soon as I receive them. Please make extra 
 large machines for these three distinguished 
 
156 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 monarclis, as they intend keeping tlie rec- 
 ords in their archives for all time. 
 
 After I receive 3'our records I intend to 
 speak in every State in the Union every 
 night in the week. All records will be du- 
 plicated, one set being kept in the rooms of 
 the National Uistorical Society in this city. 
 I see no objection in your using the sub- 
 stance of this letter in your advertisements. 
 
 Again thanking you for your most gen- 
 erous offer, 1 am 
 
 Respectfully yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 67. 
 
 The President gives weighty reasons why 
 he delights in the hunt and points out why 
 man lives to kill. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. IQJ 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Boston Humane Society^ 
 
 Boston, Mass. 
 Dear Sir : 
 
 The petition you sent me on the 10th inst, 
 in which you ask me to cease from going on 
 hunting trips during my term of oflflce as 
 President of the United States, giving as 
 your reason that it furnishes a bad example 
 to the youth of the nation, has been care- 
 fully read, and I am glad to avail myself of 
 the first opportunity to make reply. 
 
 I have always found great pleasure in the 
 hunt. I have toured all of our Western 
 States in the search for big game, and I 
 frankly say to you that no public protest 
 against my hunting the mountain lion, the 
 grizzly or the catamount will avail. There 
 is nothing unmanly about a man killing wild 
 beasts. I glory in it, and so do thousands 
 of my fellow-countrymen. 
 
 Every being has a mission to kill. He 
 kills to live and lives to kill. The beasts 
 
158 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 that I have killed in the forest and in the 
 mountain kill, without ceasing, the year 
 round. .Alan lives by what is killed. When 
 we were children we loved to catch birds 
 and insects and kill them. It is inborn in 
 us, this desire to kill, and we will never over- 
 come this desire. 
 
 What gi'eater pleasure is in store for the 
 nmn who loves the hunt than to lay low the 
 giant beast of the forest who has lived on 
 the smaller animals for years? This is one 
 of the great laws of nature and you cannot 
 convince me that it is wrong. On my recent 
 hunting trip to the West I killed 110 moun- 
 tain lions, 41 grizzly bears, 15 catamounts, 
 2 of the largest buffaloes that were ever 
 brought down by the hunter's rifle and 61 
 wolves. It was a feast of blood, but the 
 more animals that are killed by the hunter 
 the greater exertion is made by nature to 
 renew them. My countrymen know the hu- 
 mane side of my nature is properly devel- 
 oped, and I pride myself that it is ; but kill- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ][59 
 
 ing is like creating, and in all men that feel- 
 ing exists. Hunting is an honorable sport, 
 the sport of kings and presidents, and no 
 true American would try to deprive his 
 President from having a little outing once 
 a year in the mountains, where he can kill 
 the wild beasts at will. 
 
 Respectfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 68. 
 
 The President writes that he is delighted 
 in being termed "The Boss President," and 
 tells of his having squeezed all the other 
 
 "Bosses." 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Frank : 
 
 I was delighted with "The Boss-Presi- 
 dent," which you w^ere kind enough to send 
 
^QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 me as soon as it came from the press. I 
 think it is the best description of myself ever 
 written. I was particularly pleased with 
 the lines: 
 
 ''The man in the White House is 
 the only President who never had a 
 Warwick. He is his own 'Boss' 
 and does things as he pleases. He 
 is a Czar, but the people love 'The 
 Big Father.' " 
 
 It is true, as you wrote, that I am a real 
 President. I know no "boss," big or little. 
 Everybody stands on the same footing, so 
 far as I am concerned. I disregard conven- 
 tionalities, and if I choose during business 
 hours to make the Chief Justice wait in an 
 ante-room while I talk with a cowboy friend, 
 I do so without offering any apology to the 
 Judge for keeping him waiting. 
 
 My methods have been too swift for the 
 alleged political "Bosses" who are in the 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^61 
 
 Senate and House. I have discovered that 
 they are all too old, too slow and too inno- 
 cent for the game of politics as I play it. 
 Your book shows the value of contrasts be- 
 tween former Presidents and myself. 
 
 When I was elected the first time I myself 
 organized a wringer trust for the purpose of 
 putting a squeeze on c very political "Boss" 
 who thought he had a "pull," and I have it 
 placed to my credit that there is but one 
 "Boss" in my party to-day, and I am that 
 "Boss." I have the daring, the ability and 
 the means at my disposal to inflict wounded 
 looks on all of the political "Bosses," and 
 now all of them are going around Washing- 
 ton with a maze of criss-cross healing plas- 
 ters on their faces, 
 
 I will guarantee that before I leave the 
 White House there will be no such w^ord as 
 "Boss" used in this country except when re- 
 ferring to myself. I am for progress in va- 
 rious directions, and it is with supreme sat- 
 isfaction that I pride and glory in the fact 
 
IgO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 that I have almost c4iminate(i the "Boss" 
 from American politics. There is room in 
 American politics for but one "Boss" — the 
 President. 
 
 For the handsome way in which you treat 
 me in your latest work I intend to appoint 
 you at the head of the Indian Bureau. With 
 kind regards, I am 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTEK NO. G9. 
 
 The President calls for the resignation of 
 a United States Senator who has made dis- 
 paraging remarks about his broad, expan- 
 sive smile. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Governor : 
 
 I have been very much annoyed bv the ap- 
 pearance in the newspapers of the statement 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, j^gg 
 
 made by one of the Senators from your State 
 who, in referring to an invitation he re- 
 ceived to attend a dinner in the White 
 House, said, "I suppose I will have to en- 
 dure that bulldog grin again." I have writ- 
 ten to the Senator and Avithdrawn the invi- 
 tation I sent. Never again will he be al- 
 lowed in my presence. I have written to him 
 demanding that he tender you his resigna- 
 tion as United States Senator, and as soon 
 as it is received I wish you would appoint 
 as his successor the Oneida Senator. When 
 the Legislature meets in January orders can 
 be given to have him nominated and elected 
 for the full term. 
 
 The remark attributed to the Senator has 
 angered me very much. I never had any use 
 for him, anyway. When I was Governor I 
 would not take any dictation from him, and 
 he tried to sidetrack me, hoping thereby to 
 keep me out of politics forever. His act 
 tended to keep me in politics forever. Your 
 State is not represented in the Senate prop- 
 
154 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 erly. One of the Senators is a joke; the 
 other is ready for the political cemetery. In 
 fact, he has been buried politically ever 
 since I had a tilt with him. I do not like to 
 appear as one going out to resurrectiouize 
 "dead politicians," and that is why I dislike 
 to have my name linked with the offending 
 Senator, as it would mean that he would at- 
 tain undue prominence in politics, and the 
 strain might have a bad effect upon his 
 health. But I am determined to bring him 
 before the public and chastise him for his 
 characterization of my smile. I admit I have 
 a bulldog smile. I am proud of it. I am a 
 fighter in politics, and the Senator knows it 
 to his sorrow. He has never smiled, bulldog 
 fashion nor any other fashion, since my en- 
 counter with him. I engraved the word 
 "Sorrow" on his countenance when I 
 downed him. Wlieu he gets out of the Sen- 
 ate I shall feel relieve<l. My personal com- 
 fort will be taken into consideration by his 
 retirin"- at once. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ]^g5 
 
 I am goiDg to give a bear steak dinner on 
 the lOtli, and I sliall expect you to be at the 
 White House that evening at 7:30. After 
 the dinner we will go down to Richmond in 
 my airship. With best wishes, I am 
 Cordially yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 70. 
 
 The President encourages an Anti-Chloro- 
 form Society and tells the members to spread 
 the doctrine that man's ambition should never 
 give out. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Anti-Chloroform Society^ 
 
 Baltimore, Md. 
 Dear Sir : 
 
 I regret that I will be prevented by a pre- 
 
1QQ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 vious engagement from addressing your so- 
 ciety on June 21st. On the evening of that 
 day I am down for an address in Utica, N. 
 Y., wliere the annual meeting of tlie last ten 
 survivors of the War of 1812 will be held. 
 The engagement to speak before this honor- 
 able society was made three years ago, and 
 I have repeatedly assured the members that 
 I would be with them this year. 
 
 I am heartily in sympathy with the ob- 
 jects and aims of your society and I am very 
 much pleased and feel honored in being 
 made a member of it. I know you will do 
 a great deal of good by denouncing the doc- 
 trine that man's ambition ceases at forty 
 and that at sixty he should be chloroformed. 
 By holding public meetings and spreading 
 your literature broadcast you will be aiding 
 in keeping down the death rate. Already 
 thousands of senseless people have snuffed 
 out their light simply because they have 
 reached the age of sixty. 
 
 I believe that the older we get the more 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. IQJ 
 
 ambitious we become. I have always been 
 ambitious and always will be. I have the 
 honor of being one of the youngest men who 
 ever reached the Presidential chair. I am 
 now more than forty. Does any on{; dare to 
 accuse me of having ceased to be ambitious? 
 It is foolish to say that only young men 
 have ambition. When I am old I will be 
 fully as ambitious as I am now. Up to the 
 present time I have had every ambition grat- 
 ified excepting one, and that is to Ivill an 
 elephant in captivity. This ambition wall 
 be uppermost in my mind until I have suc- 
 ceeded in carrying it to fulfillment. I have 
 plans ahead for forty years. I know I shall 
 succeed in carrying them out. Age is not 
 a bar to man's usefulness, and I hope that 
 the thought I give your society will be val- 
 uable in the work of impressing upon all our 
 citizens the fact that they must never fling 
 away ambition, even though they be cen- 
 tenarians. With assurances of the interest 
 
1Q^ LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 I hold in your society, and wisliing you all 
 success, 1 am 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 71. 
 
 The President greatly displeased at an 
 order issued in a leading American univer- 
 sity forbidding students to own bulldogs. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 M}' Dear Doctor : 
 
 I note what you say in your letter of the 
 10th about the order you issucMi forbidding 
 any student in your university from owning 
 a bulldog. You and I have agreed upon 
 many important matters that have en- 
 grossed public attention, but this time we 
 disagree. I think vour order was unwar- 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^(^9 
 
 rantable. I think a student in a university 
 who is without a bulldog is as much out of 
 place there as a ham would be at a Hebrew 
 banquet. The bulldog is a part of our uni- 
 versity life to-day. He is an indispensable 
 adjunct. 
 
 When I was at college I owned a splendid 
 specimen of the English bulldog. I prized 
 him highly. He was the best fighter in Bos- 
 ton. I tell you, my dear doctor, that man 
 can learn a great deal from studying the 
 bulldog. He is the finest example of courage 
 and persistency that can be called to mind, 
 and these qualities must form a part of our 
 lives if we are to succeed. The bulldog is 
 an aid to higher education. He is a great 
 object-lesson in faithfulness, tenaciousness, 
 resoluteness and steadfastness. As typical 
 of courage he has no peer. This nation must 
 have courageous men — fighting men, men 
 who do not know the meaning of the word 
 fear. By studying the traits of the bulldog 
 our great student bodies will go out into the 
 
X70 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 world better equipped to fight in life's bat- 
 tles. I do not know of any animal that 
 could be substituted for the bulldog in our 
 colleges and universities. Surely you would 
 not have your students followed to and from 
 the college by any animal that is noted for 
 its timidness. Would you substitute the rab- 
 bit for the bulldog and make it the college 
 boy's mascot? Never! What a fine sight 
 it is to see in our great American college 
 cities the students passing through the 
 streets with a fascinatingly ugly looking 
 bulldog, tied to a chain, by their side! The 
 dog distinguishes its owner from the mere 
 counter-jumper or newspaper reporter. 
 There is no substitute for the college bull- 
 dog and there never will be in the United 
 States, and I hope your tyrannical order 
 will be withdrawn. Believe me to be 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^.Tl 
 
 LETTER NO. 72. 
 
 The President writes to a defeated candi- 
 date for President and offers him the posi- 
 tion of Chief Judge of the Court of Appeals 
 of Guam. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Judge : 
 
 I am pleased to acknowledge the receipt 
 of your letter of November 6, in which you 
 heartily congratulate me upon my re-elec- 
 tion as President. 
 
 There appears to be no room for any doubt 
 about the statement you make with refer- 
 ence to the election — that it was a foregone 
 conclusion and that you were doomed to de- 
 feat. All along I knew you would be chosen 
 to head the opposition ticket, and I hated to 
 have you go down into history as the worst- 
 beaten man who ever ran for the Presidency, 
 but fate apparently so ordained. I was sur- 
 
l~2 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 prised on the night of election when I was 
 told you had carried Texas. I figured that 
 State would be in my column. 
 
 Well, my dear Judge, it is all over now 
 and there seems to be only one party in the 
 United States — the party of the President. 
 I do wish you would come over to our side. 
 In this country it is much better to have the 
 election of the President made unanimous. 
 The enormous expense of conducting cam- 
 paigns would be done away with and the 
 people would be better satisfied. They do 
 not want a struggle for this high office, espe- 
 cially when they know that the President 
 has striven hard for the welfare of all and 
 gives the country a first-rate administration. 
 
 You are a greater man than your party. 
 You have fixed principles — your party has 
 none. It is headless and tailless and its 
 death certificate was made out on November 
 6th. The entire press of the country agrees 
 with the great statesman who recently de- 
 clared in a public speech that four years 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 3^73 
 
 from now I would be the choice of all the 
 people for another term. This is one of the 
 main reasons for my Y\'anting you to be one 
 of us now and not hold out until the last. 
 
 The petition sent me by one hundred of 
 the leading men in your party asking me to 
 appoint you to some judgeship will be acted 
 upon favorably next week. I understand 
 you are not in the best of health and the 
 strain and worry of the recent contest has 
 told greatly upon you. I would suggest that 
 you go to some distant climate where you 
 could forget all about politics and wrap 
 yourself up in the judicial ermine which be- 
 comes you so well. Therefore, if agreeable 
 to you, I shall nominate you to be Chief 
 Judge of the Court of Appeals of the Island 
 of Guam. I hope you will accept this great 
 honor. Let me have your decision soon. 
 Faithfully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
3^74 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 LETTER NO. 73. 
 
 The President tells of his great faith in 
 the reading of stars and points out the bene- 
 fits derived from the study of astrology. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 Secretary Astrological Society, 
 
 London, England. 
 Dear Sir: 
 
 I am delighted to be enrolled among the 
 honorary members of your society, which 
 has done so much to advance the art of judg- 
 ing of the influences of the stars upon hu- 
 man affairs. For more than a decade I have 
 been a student of judicial astrology, and I 
 am pleased to make known the fact that I 
 have been able to foretell the fate of all of 
 our national acts since I became President, 
 and so deeply interested am I in the science 
 that in the near future I shall call upon 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. J^75 
 
 Congress to create a new Cabinet officer, to 
 be known as "The Secretary of Astrology." 
 
 I believe that all mankind should make 
 a deep study of the stars. Every man was 
 born under a star, and he should find out 
 what that star is and then appropriate it to 
 himself. The Constitution of the United 
 States says that all men were born free and 
 equal. I don't believe this. Astrology 
 teaches me to the contrary. If a man is 
 born under the right star he may become 
 President. If he is born under the wrong 
 star he may as well make up his mind that 
 he is destined to haul pig iron the rest of 
 his life. 
 
 When I grew up I learned that my guid- 
 ing star was in the big dipper and that some 
 day I would be elected President of the 
 United States. I had such an ambition when 
 a mere boy, and when I knew that it would 
 be my lot to be chosen as the head of this 
 gTeat nation I felt that the whole universe 
 began to revolve about my star. I make this 
 
J^'jrg LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 reference to myself in order to point out a 
 good reason wliy people should study astrol- 
 ogy in their youth, thus enabling them to 
 find out their future. Every American boy 
 has an ambition to become the Chief Magis- 
 trate, and he will know whether or not he 
 will attain this honor if, during his school 
 days, he takes up the study of astrology. 
 That science will tell him whether he will be 
 President or simply be elected Supervisor 
 of his ward. Again thanking 3'ou for the 
 high honor conferred upon me, I am 
 KespectfuUy yours. 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 74. 
 
 The President writes a railroad president 
 to the effect that he cannot accept any more 
 free special trains after the lapse of several 
 months. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ^77 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Mr. President: 
 
 I have decided not to accept any more 
 passes over your system of railroads — after 
 January 1 next. I find that public senti- 
 ment is against the President accepting 
 without charge private cars to transport 
 himself and friends to different parts of the 
 country when public occasions demand my 
 presence. I think it pretty small business 
 upon the part of those metropolitan dailies 
 that are pounding me because I allow your 
 company to place a special train at my dis- 
 posal without cost. 
 
 I receive a salary of only |50,000 a year. 
 Last year I gave away |25,000 to found a 
 colored men's home in North Carolina. 
 Other worthy charities have drawn heavily 
 upon my bank account, and I find myself 
 to-day with scarcely enough money in bank 
 to pay for the mounting of the hundred or 
 more wild beasts I shot in Colorado last 
 spring. If I paid my railroad fare every- 
 
178 LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT, 
 
 where I went I would have nothing left out 
 of my small salary. If Congress had given 
 me the |100,000 a year I asked for I would 
 have been able to pay in the future a half- 
 rate on the railroads, but as the increase 
 was refused me I am compelled to even balk 
 at this. Yesterday I discharged ten of my 
 private secretaries whom I paid out of my 
 own salary. It is a nice thing to be Presi- 
 dent, but the job does not pay enough now. 
 I hope to get more salary some day. Per- 
 haps when I retire the government will al- 
 low me a pension of $100,000 a year for life. 
 This would be no more than right. 
 
 If you can see your way out of it, after 
 the first of next January you can place all 
 orders for special trains and railroad passes 
 in the hands of my chief secretary. He is a 
 very wealthy man and he can afford to pay 
 for the special trains as they are used. I 
 will have it announced that in view of the 
 great expense under which I am laboring I 
 have decided to cut down traveling expenses. 
 
LETTERS OP A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. J^jg 
 
 and when I do travel hereafter in special 
 trains my secretary will pay the bills. I 
 will have photographs made of all the rail- 
 road train bills he pays and will furnish 
 them to the newspapers. 
 
 I mailed you a letter to-day asking for a 
 pass from New York to San Francisco for 
 
 Congressman B . Please issue it as a 
 
 favor to me. 
 
 Thanking you for many courtesies, I am 
 Gratefully yours, 
 
 The President. 
 
 LETTER NO. 75. 
 
 The President appoints a colored friend 
 Collector of the Port, and in a letter to the 
 appointee holds out to him the appointment 
 of Minister to Russia at the end of two 
 years. 
 
XSO LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. 
 
 The White House, 18—. 
 My Dear Charley : 
 
 I have selected you for the post of Inter- 
 nal Revenue Collector, so prepare your bond 
 and make ready to assume office as soon as 
 the Senate confirms your nomination. The 
 two Senators from your State tried to pre- 
 vent your nomination, but I told them noth- 
 ing would change my mind — that I had 
 picked you out for Collector long before the 
 November election and that I would not go 
 balck on my word. They contended that be- 
 cause you are a negro and visit the race 
 track occasionally you are an unfit man for 
 the place. I told them you are honest and 
 that is all that I want in a man. 
 
 You will fill the office of Collector without 
 offense to the President or to the public. I 
 look to you to make one of the best officials 
 connected with my administration. You 
 will be the first negro to be appointed to 
 such a post and there is plenty of room for 
 you to make your mark. 
 
LETTERS OF A SELF-MADE PRESIDENT. ;[gj^ 
 
 I will not expect you to remain in the Col- 
 lector's office more than two years. My Min- 
 ister to Russia intends to resign in about 
 twenty-two months, and when the vacancy 
 in that place occurs I shall send in your 
 name to the Senate as Minister Plenipoten- 
 tiary and Envoy Extraordinary to the Rus- 
 sian Court. You will be the first negro to 
 be accorded this high honor. 
 
 After the Senate confirms your nomina- 
 tion run over to Washington some afternoon 
 and take dinner with me. I will arrange to 
 have Booker there the same evening. Best 
 wishes. 
 
 Your sincere friend, 
 
 The President. 
 
Reflections of a Bachelor. 
 
 12mo, 218 Pages, 
 
 To give you an idea of it we select tlie following : 
 
 A girl is never desperately 
 in love with a man till she 
 
 Eins something he has given 
 er to her nightgown. 
 
 If you see what you want, 
 don't ask for it. 
 
 Next to teaching a girl to 
 play whist, a man loves best 
 to hold the cans while his 
 wife puts up peaches. 
 
 Every girl wants a man to 
 know she wears pretty stock- 
 ings, but she doesn't want 
 him to know she wants him 
 to know it. 
 
 No man ever refused to let 
 his wife wear bloomers. No 
 wife who cared what her hus- 
 band said ever wanted to. 
 
 The good live young. 
 
 There is no zest for the 
 wicked. 
 
 A woman's idea of pleasure 
 is to swing on the porch in a 
 hammock in a white dress 
 and watch her husband with 
 his trousers rolled up setting 
 out plants for her. 
 
 Probably babies talk so 
 funny because they are guy- 
 ing their mothers. 
 
 Nothing exceeds like ex- 
 cess. 
 
 A fad is something that 
 makes the man who has it 
 happy and everybody else 
 mad. 
 
 When you meet a man of a 
 shy, retiring disposition you 
 may be pretty sure he used 
 to recite pieces at all the 
 church entertainments when 
 he was little. 
 
 Some men would rather 
 lose a friend than a jack-pot. 
 
 The authorship of the captivating "Eeflections of a 
 Bachelor" remains incog., but we are confident that the 
 author is unmarried— because he knows so little. 
 
 —The Trenton Times. 
 " Keflections of a Bachelor " is very clever work— because 
 the author has been married these forty years. 
 
 —The Los Angeles Hebald. 
 
 This book will be sent to any address by mail, 
 postpaid, on receipt of 50 cents for paper bound, and 
 $1.00 for the cloth bound edition. 
 
 J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 
 P. 0. Box 767. 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. 
 
AUG 9 19C5 
 

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