PRICE TWENTY-FIVE CENTS LENA RIVERS • By MARIE DOR,/VN This popular and successful comedy drama is now issued in a copyrighted edition. It contains all the plots and complete stage directions, is arranged for 5 male and 4 female characters, runs 2^ hours and has 2 simple in- terior scenes. LOW ROYALTY Price 35 cents per copy Kathleen Mavourneen New Copyrighted Version. This well-known Irish favor- ite entirely revised and rewritten by Marie Doran, and so simplified in stage settings that it can be readily pro- duced by amateurs and stock companies. Lozv Royalty for Professional Performances. 8 male and 3 female characters. Runs 2 hours ; i interior and i exterior scene. Price 25 cents per copy Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation Successor to DICK & FITZGERALD 18 Vesey Street, New York HIS SISTERS A Farce in One Act By BEULAH KING Copyright, 1920, by Fitzgerald Publishing Corporation ♦ P*ITZGEEALD PUBLISHING CORPORATION Successor to Dick & Fitzgerald 18 Vesey Street New York 3521 His Sisters CHARACTERS John Joseph Hamilton A much-adored brother IMary ^ Martha >- His sisters Mabel ) Jessica ^ Judith >• Their friends Jane j Cecils The maid Hannah The cook Time. — The present. Locality. — Any town or city. Time of Presentation. — About thirty minutes. . COSTUMES Any pretty dresses, suitable to the character portrayed. Cecile wears the regular maid's costume. Hannah, the cook, wears a gingham dress. INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 'Phone off stage. Plate of fudge for Martha. Maga- zine for John. Locket and chain for Jane. Letter for Hannah. STAGE DIRECTIONS As seen by the performer on the stage facing the audi- ence, R. means right hand; l., left hand; c, center of stage ; d. r., door at right ; d. l., door at left ; up, toward back of stage ; down, toward footlights. 2 m 14 1920 ^^^-^ ^^^""^ His Sisters SCENE. — Living-room at the Hamiltons'. At R. a single door leads into the front hall, and directly opposite at l. is a double doorway leading into an- other living-room; red plush portieres at doorway. At rear c. a large window with a seat directly be- neath furnished with pillows. To the r. and l. of window are bookcases. Down r. a fireplace, of which the gloiv only is visible to the audience. Davenport in front of fireplace. Table r. of davenport. Chairs placed about to suit. DISCOVERED John seated on davenport reading a magazine; Mary stands back of him affectionately smoothing his hair; Mabel sits on a low stool in front of him, her chin in her cupped hands, gazing up at him with admiration; Martha stands to r. of John balancing a huge plate of fudge, while she rolls her eyes toward him and smiles with the satisfaction of one who is sure of winning out. Martha (in a voice expressive of a thousand things), Jo-ey ! John {turns and sees the fudge; faintly, because he already has partaken of tarts and cookies). Oh, I say, Martha, that's mighty good of you. Martha {deposits plate on his lap and perches on arm of davenport). All yours, John, every crumb! Mabel. Well, of all nerve. You said there wasn't a bit of chocolate when I wanted to make him some. Martha {ignoring her sister). Aren't you going to eat it, Joey? John {taking a piece listlessly). You see, Martha, to tell the truth, I've eaten so many tarts and cookies. 3 4 His Sisters .# Martha {looMng from one sister to the otJier sus- piciously) . Tarts and cookies. Mary (ivJio is still smoothing John's hair). Um-um. Mabel made the cookies and I made the tarts. Mabel. While you were down getting chocolate. Martha {taking the fudge). Never mind, Joey, I'll put it away and you can have it later. I wouldn 't make you sick for worlds. [EXIT d. l. Mary {as John is just about to resume his reading, speaks in a voice even more expressive than Martha's). Jo-ey. John. Yes ? Mary. What do you want for dinner ? Hannah says I may get the dinner to-night and I want it to be a grand affair. {Timidly, while she clasps her hands under his chin) 1 thought I'd ask Jessica over. John. Oh, don't. Mary. I 've been telling her I was going to have her ever since mother and father went off. John {indifferently). All right. Have her. I don't care. Mary {anxiously) . You'll be home this evening? John. Sorry, but I'm out to-night. (Mabel rises, smiling to herself and walks about uneasily all the while intent on the conversation) Mary. Wouldn't you stay home just to please me? Jessica would be so delighted. She thinks you're per- fectly wonderful. (Mabel chuckles) Have you seen her in that new green and silver dinner dress ? John. Don't believe I have. Is she ravishing? Mary. She certainly is. {Wistfully) I thought we could have a very swell affair. ENTER Hannah d. l., much excited. Hannah. I begs your pardon, Miss, but I'd like to spake wid ye in the hall a minute about the new maid. Mabel. The new maid again ! His Sisters 5 Mary. Very well, Hannah. (Mary and Hannah EXIT D. L. John resumes his reading) Mabel {iiits about nervously for a moment, Iter eyes on John ; finally ) . Jo-ey ! John {tossing Ms magazine away from Mm in dis- gust). Well? Mabel (in tlie attitude of a suppliant). Do some- thing for me. John {all unsuspecting). Anything you say. Fire away. Mabel {before lier courage fails Jier). Invite Jane to the Charity Ball. John {incredulous). What!! Mabel {a little less firmly). Invite Jane to the Char- ity Ball. John. Say! {He can scarcely realize Ms youngest sister Jias begun to set traps for Mm too) Mabel {miscMevously) . You said you'd do anything I asked you to. John. But I don't know Jane. I've only seen her once. Mabel. Yes, but sJie knows you and she thinks you are just too wonderful. {He groans) She saw your pic- ture on my dresser out to school. John {to whom this phrase has become all too famil- iar). Don't. Mabel. And she 's been wild over you ever since. {In a whisper) She's got a snapshot of you in her locket. (John groans again) You needn't groan, sir. Jane's a peach, much prettier than that Jessica Jones! Why, she has ravishingly beautiful hair. Of course it's red, I admit, but it has real Titian hues and there was a pro- fessor out to school who went wild over her. John {smiling in spite of hiynself) . And you want me to go wild over her too. Why, the world wouldn't hold both of us. {Teasing her) Jane didn't by any chance tell you to ask me to take her? Mabel. The idea! She wouldn't do such a thing. She just said she wished she could go with you, and of 6 His Sisters course she knows I respect her wishes. Please, Johnny dear, won't you take her? {He makes a gesture of im- patience) Well, you've got to, that's all. You prom- ised you'd do anything I asked, and I'm going to hold you to your bargain, I am, I am— I am ! {Dances about) John. Oh, well, I might as well take Jane as any one. If I don't take Jane I'll have to take Judith and Jessica. Mabel {jlingmg her arms about his neck). Oh, you darling ! I '11 ask her over and you can walk home with her. John {quickly). Look here, miss. That wasn't in the bargain. Mabel. Well, how will you ask her ? John. Ring her up on the 'phone and have it over in three minutes. Mabel. Oh, Avell, I suppose so, but I'm going to ask her over anyway. [EXIT D. R. ENTER Mary d. l. Mary. I've invited Jessica and she's delighted to come. {In wheedling tones) You will be nice to her, won't you, John — for my sake? John {ivho has resolved to accept whatever comes and has the manner of such a one). Mary, I'd do anything for your sake. Mary {with a great sigh). If you only meant that. John {intending to have some fun with it all). But I do mean it. Mary {after regarding him for a moment with fox-like eyes). Then ask Jessica to the Charity Ball — for my sake. John. Is that all you ask? Why, certainly I will. Mary. You're not teasing me? John. Not a bit of it. I'll ring her up this very afternoon and invite her. Mary. Oh, you dear thing! YouVe made me bliss- fully happy. {Drops a kiss on his forehead) I'll go out now and make preparations for the dinner party. That new maid is terribly stupid. (Starts off) His Sisters 7 JontJ (casually). The pretty one? Mary {stopping c). You've noticed her? John {more casually). Couldn't very well help it. I 've bumped into her three times in the library doorway. Mary. For heaven's sakes, what is she doing in the library doorway? She'd better stay in the kitchen and learn a few things. She's terribly exasperating. After you have explained a thing most carefully she has a way of raising her eyes John {smiling to himself). Beautiful eyes Mary. And looking at you as if you were dust under her feet. John. I hadn't noticed it— but then I've never tried to explain anything to her. She's rather beautiful, isn't she? Mary. I don't know. I don't like her type half as well as Jessica's. Sometimes her eyes are green. (Go- ing to D. R.) Well, I'm off, and you shall see what a dinner I can prepare. [EXIT d. r. Mabel (off stage, heard telephoning Jane) . Oh, hullo, Jane! Would I like to have you come over? Sure! John's home and he'll play cards with us. (John strikes an attitude of resignation) Oh, yes, he'd love to. All right, come right over. ENTER Martha stealthily d. l. Martha {in a whisper expressive of a thousand things). Jo-ey! {He starts) You won't get angry with me if I ask you something? John {with infinite patience). My dear sister, cer- tainly not. Besides, what you ask me can matter little one way or another. What is it, fair one ? Martha {pouting). You're teasing me and I think you're horrid after I made you all that fudge. Please be sensible. John (smiling). I am, and to prove it I'm going to grant you anything you ask of me. Martha. You don't know what a rash promise you are making, sir. I 'm in earnest. 8 His Sisters John. So am 1 1 Martha. Very well. — I am going to ask you to take Judith to the Charity Ball. John {dancing about). Whoop — hee! Martha (catching him and stopping him). Ah-ha, old fellow, now you're caught. John {feigning innocence). Caught? I don't know what you mean. Nothing could make me happier than to take Judith to the Charity Ball. Martha {only half helieving him). Then go right now and ring her up. It's about time you got onto your- self, and Judy's a dear. Why, John, she'd make you the loveliest wife. John. Say, wait a year. Martha. Well, she would. She 's forty times the girl Jane Johnson is or Jessica Jones for that matter. John. I haven 't a doubt of it, Martha. Martha {catching hold of him). Then go ring her up this minute. {Pushing him to d. l.) Go! (John goes and she falls hack against the wall overcome with a suc- cess she little suspected) ENTER Mabel and Mary d. r., talking earnestly. Mary. It's awfully strange. Whatever made you think it? Mabel {who is never sure of anything). Oh, I don't know. It just came over me all at once when she looked up. Martha {who has begun to recover from her shock). What did Mabel do ? What are you talking about ? Mary. Mabel declares she has seen our new maid be- fore. {They cluster about the window seat) Mabel {with importance). More than that. Martha. Well what ? Mabel. It just came to me where. Mary. No ! Mabel. Um-um, at school. Mary. Don't be ridiculous, Mabel. Martha. Wait. The child may be right. His Sisters 9 Mary. But she never is, you know. She's always having wild hallucinations about things. Mabel. Glory, Mary, where did you get that wild word ? Martha. Come now, don't begin a squabble. I want to know more about this female, I 've been suspicious of something all along. Mabel (aware of Tier importance, which she rarely feels in the presence of her sisters). Well, of course, I didn't notice anything about her at first, except that she's rather fine looking — how long has she been here, by the way? Mary. Two weeks. Go on. Mabel. But to-day when I went out in the pantry for a cookie she was there. I spoke to her and I thought she tried to avoid me, but I followed close on her heels. Martha. Mabel ! Mabel. Well, I wanted to get a look at her. She looked so pretty the night she came. Mary. Go on with your story. Mabel. Say, Mary, you've got an awful grudge on that poor creature. What 's the matter ? Mary. Oh, she's so stupid and {Not meaning to say it) I think John likes her. ' Martha. John! Mabel. John! Martha. For heaven 's sake, Mary, what do you mean ? Mary. Well, he's noticed her and he thinks her eyes are beautiful. Martha. Heavens, the little witch. Let's discharge her at once. Mabel. Of course she's up to some scheme and I think it's dreadful to scheme. Martha. She couldn't be. Mabel. Let me finish my story and you'll see. As I said, I followed her out to the kitchen and got around on the other side of the table and got a good look at her and all of a sudden it came to me that I had seen her before and at school. If she's the one I think, she wasn't in my; 10 His Sisters m dormitory, but across the campus. I used to see her at dances mostly, and she had perfectly wonderful clothes. Martha. Oh, Mabel, dear, you must be mistaken. "What would a girl like that become a servant for? Mary. Of course, Mabel, you're crazy! Mabel. Oh, I don't know. At any rate soine day I'll put it over you two, and that day may not be far distant either! (Turning and looking out the window) Oh, there's Jane coming, and doesn't she look sweet! [EXIT D. R., running Martha {crossly). Is that Jane coming here? Mary. I didn't know it. She needn't ask her to din- ner anyway. Martha. I should hope not, for I 've asked Judith. Mary. You haven't! Martha. I have. Why not ? Mary. Because I've asked Jessica, that's why. [EXIT flauntingly d. l. Martha (following). For heaven's sake, Mary, you aren't mad. (From the next room) I believe you're jealous of Judith. ENTER Mabel and Jane d. r. Mabel (spinning Jane ahout to examine Jier dress). Oh, aren^t you too sweet for anything! Jane (who has hut one interest, one thought). Where is he? Mabel. In the library, I guess. I'll call him in a minute. Let's have a chat first. (Pulls Jane down he- side her on the davenport) Jane. I saw him yesterday on Market Street. Do you know I think he 's even lovelier without his uniform. Mabel (with great patience hecause she has listened to all this many times hefore). Yes, I don't know but what he is. '(Suddenly) Jane, I'll tell you something if you won't tell. Jane. Cross my heart. Mabel. He's going to ask you to the Charity Ball. Jane (surprised). No I His Sisters 11 Mabel. Yes he is. He told me so. Don't look so scared. You said you wanted him to. Jane. Oh, I do, I do, and I could die of happiness. Mabel (contemptuously). Die of happiness! Jane. What shall I say when he asks me ? Mabel. Goose ! Jane. Oh, Mabel, I am the happiest girl in the world. What will tfessica Jones say? And Judith Jacobs? They'll die of envy. Mabel. Well, I don't see but the whole three of you'll be dead then, Jane. No, no, of course, I wouldn't die. No one ever does die of happiness. That's just an expression. ENTER John d. l. John (who has decided on a role). Good afternoon, Miss Jane. Jane (with a nervous giggle). Good afternoon. Mabel (in a stage whisper to Jane as John turns to bring up a chair). I'm going to leave you alone with him. Jane (at her wit's end) Oh, don't. (Mabel nods) Mabel. John, you'll have to entertain Jane a moment. The dressmaker wants me. John (elegantly). With pleasure. (EXIT Mabel D. L., and John goes over to the davenport) May I sit here? Jane. Oh, do ! (Makes room for him and he sits be- side her rather close) John (in excellent spirits). I've been wanting to see you. Jane (feigning surprise). Wanting to see me! John. I suppose you haven't given a thought to the Charity Ball? Jane. Oh, yes, I have — lots of them. John. You — have you been invited to attend ? Jane (mournfully). No-o. John. Ah, then I am fortunate. 12 His Sisters • Jane. You mean ? John (elegantly). That I would like very much, to take you, mademoiselle. Will you accept my offer? Jane (with a long -withheld sigh of relief). Oh, ye-es, I'd love to. John. Then it's an agreement? Jane. Oh, yes, and thank you so much. John. Not at all. The pleasure is all mine. (Reach- ing over and taking hold of the bizarre locket Jane has hung about her neck) What's this? Jane (whose embarrassment returns). Oh, that's a locket mother bought me. John. For his picture ? Jane. Well — y-yes. John. Pardon me. I won't look then. (He is en- joying hiynself iynmensely) Jane. Yes — you may — in fact, oh, dear, I might as well tell you — it 's — a picture of yourself. John. Of me ? How interesting ! Jane. You see, I got it from Mabel's photo-book one day at school and pasted it in here. I hope you don't mind. John (dropping the locket). Not at all. In fact, I 'm delighted. Jane. Keally? John. Really. Jane (as if her cup of happiness were brimming full). Oh! John. Tell me. How many pictures does Mabel have of me at school ? Jane (throwing back her head and shutting her eyes, better to visualize). Well, there's one on her dresser — a big one in a silver frame. There's one on the wall — a snapshot enlarged — and another, a smaller one just be- low, in profile. And there's a very large one in a gold stand-up frame on the mantel. Those are in her bed- room. Then in her study John (interrupting) . Wait, that's enough. Jane (demurely). Your sister's very fond of you. His Sisters 13 John {wit% undue emphasis). She is — ^immensely! Jane. You — you couldn't blame her. If you were my brother, I should just adore you. John. Oh, no, you wouldn't. I'm an awful bear. Jane (sweetly). Bear? John (gruffly). Um! My sister has kept quiet as to that side of my character. Jane (in a still sweeter voice). You mean you are cross? John. Well I should say. You don't know me. Jane. Oh, I'm sure you can't be a; bear — Besides, some things that bears do are nice. John. Never. Jane. Oh, yes they are. For instance, they hug peo- ple. (Looks at him saucily. John groans, hut is obliged to smile. Martha appears at d. r., unseen by them, sees them, stares for a second, turns quickly and EXITS D. R. ) I 'm sorry if I 've made you angry. John. No, no, you haven't. Jane. I didn't mean to be impudent — or — or bold. Martha (off stage, heard speaking at the telephone). Hullo, Judith. Yes, yes, it's Martha. (Much excited) Come right over, Judith. No, don't bother to change your dress. Come now, (Receiver is heard to go up with a bang. John rises and paces the floor) Jane (who misinterprets the cause of his impatience)^ You are angry with me. {Buries her head in the cushion) I'm s-so s-s-s-orry. John (alarmed and coming over to her). Hush. (Touches her shoulder. At this most inopportune mo- ment Mary appears at d. r., stares for a moment, then rushes off, all unseen by them) Hush, I'm not angry with you. J A-^E (raising a teary face). Really? John. Really. I — I was thinking of things Jane (not permitting him to finish). But you aren't very nice to think of things when I'm here. (Head goes back in the cushion) John. I never will again, never* 14 His Sisters Mary {off stage, heard speaking at the telephone; she is much excited). Hullo, Jessica. For mercy sakes, when are you coming? Well, hurry up! Whatever have you been doing all this while? (John groans, clutches his hair in desperation, looks at Jane sohhing in cushion, makes an attempt to escape at d. l., hut is met hy Martha on the threshold) ENTER Martha d. l. Martha. Have you rung up Judith? John. Just this minute going to. Martha. Well be quick about it, sir. {Pointing to D. R.) That's the shortest way to the telephone. {He starts and Martha goes down to Jane, who has recov- ered. 0)1 the threshold of d. r. he humps into Mary) ENTER Mary d. r. Mary. Have you rung up Jessica ? John {ivho sees the other two are not listening). Just this minute going to. Mary. For mercy sakes hurry up. She may have started already. (EXIT John d. r. Mary goes down to davenport) Where's Mabel? Jane {rising). She went up-stairs. I think I'll go up and find her, if you don't mind. Martha. Certainly not. Go ahead. (EXIT Jane D. L. Mary and Martha follow her with angry eyes) Mary. She 's been flirting with John. Martha. I know it. She ought to have a good spank- ing. Hark! {They listen) Mary {not too graciously). Judith must have come and she's talking Avith John. Call her in. Martha {with spirit). I shan't. Let her talk with him. {She rises and goes to d. r.) Mary {angrily). Why did you ask Judith over? Martha. For the same reason you asked Jessica. I wanted her. [EXIT d. r. Mary {following her out). You might have waited until some other time. [EXIT d. R. His Sisters 15 ENTER Cecile cautiously d. l. She pretends to dust hut keeps her eyes on the door as if expecting some one. Presently ENTER John d. r. John. Why do you run away from me ? Cecile. I don't. I have my dusting to do {Dusts vigorously) and I must do it. Your sisters are terribly particular. John. Hang my sisters ! Cecile {who knows there is no better remark to hold him). You'd better go out. If they find you here with me, they'll make a fuss. John {sitting on the arm of the davenport). Cecile? Cecile. Yes, Mr. Hamilton. John {much hurt). Oh, I say, what did you promise me? Cecile {sweetly). Yes, John. John. What are you doing here? Cecile {mischievously). Dusting. John. No, no, I mean why did you come here? Cecile. I saw your advertisement in the paper. John. No, no, I mean, why are you working? Cecile {facing him) . Now you're impertinent {Shakes feather duster in his face) and I don't have to answer you. {He catches her hand impetuously) Release me, sir. {With feigned anger) John. Then answer my question. Cecile. I will some day, {He lets go of her hand) and oh, won't you be surprised! {Laughs softly and goes back to her dusting) John. Is it — er hard work here? Cecile. Oh, awfully! I don't believe I can stand it. John. No ! Cecile {facing him). Your sisters are so exacting, and — and the cook is cruel. Why, this morning besides wiping all those awful breakfast dishes— the percolator is frightful John {gravely). I suppose so. Cecile. And after washing that, she made me peel the potatoes, the nasty things ! 16 His Sisters John. Awful! Cruel! Wicked! Cecile. And now to-night your sister is giving a 'din- ner party, and oh, {Flops into a chair) think of the potatoes 1 1 John. Can't you manage without them? Cecile {tragically). No, they are absolutely indis- pensable. John. By Jove, something ought to be done about it, and I'll see that there is! {Voices heard without) Cecile {starting up). Oh, they're coming in here. {She starts for d. l. and he follows) No, no, you mustn't come. John. I thought I might help you peel some of those potatoes. Cecile. Oh, that's sweet of you, but really the cook wouldn't allow it. [EXIT d. l. John. Hang the cook ! I 'm not afraid of her. [EXIT D. L. ENTER Judith, Martha and Mary d. r., and a second later ENTER Jane and Mabel d. l. Mabel. Hullo! I call this a regular party. I've in- vited Jane, Mary, because she just loves dinner parties. Where 's John ? Mary {sitting on the window seat). Oh, I don't know. {Knowing she has no right to say it) Perhaps he went down to meet Jessica. (Judith and Martha sit in chairs and Jane and Mabel on the davenport) Judith {quickly). He couldn't have, for Mary (firmly). I think he did. Jane {saucily). Well, he didn't, because I just saw him going out in the kitchen. Mary {loftily). Are you sure it was he? Mabel (loyally). I guess Jane knows, don't you, Janey dear ? Jane (with a giggle). I guess I ought to know him. I 've been with him most of the afternoon. Mabel. And you're likely to be with him a whole lot more, aren't you, Janey dear? His Sisters 17 Janii (liglitly). Um-um. {The rest glower at her) Mary {ivho has walked over to the window). Here comes Jessica. It's about time. I'll go to meet her. [EXIT D. R. Judith (to Martha). I don't see how Mary can be so fond of that Jessica Jones. Mary's such a wonderful girl. Martha. Neither do I. There's not a thing attractive about her but her looks. Judith. Her looks! Why, Martha, dear, I think she 's the plainest thing. That pug nose is atrocious. Jane. And her hair 's a mess. If I had it I 'd cut it off. ENTER Jessica and Mary d. r. Jessica. Oh my, what a surprise. {To Mary) I thought I was to be the lone guest. Isn't this delightful? Jane. Hulloa, Jess. You didn't meet John, did you? Mabel {pinching her). S-sh! Jessica. John? No. Why? Jane. Oh, nothing. Mabel. Sit over here with us, Jessica. (Jessica goes to davenport) Your belt's unhooked. {She catches it) Jessica. I don't wonder; I was hustling to get ready when John rang up. (Mary smiles to herself well aware of the news that will electrify the rest) Martha. John ? Mabel. My brother John ? Jessica {as if it were the most usual thing in the world), Um-um, he rang up about the dance. {All are attentive) Judith. The dance? Jessica. Well, I might as well tell you. He invited me to the Charity Ball. Mabel. He did! Well of all Judith. He couldn't have, Jessica dear. You prob- ably misunderstood him on the 'phone. Jessica. What do you mean, Judith Jacobs? 18 His Sisters Judith (sweetly). Just what I said. He coiil3n*t have asked you, you know, for lie invited me, just now, in the hall. Jane. Why, Judy, you're all off. Jessica (quickly). Of course she is. Jane (rising and facing the assembly and speaking with eloquence) . No, no, I mean you're all all off, for he invited me, sitting on this davenport, this very afternoon. (A71 awful silence during which Jane faces them de- fiantly) ENTER Hannah d. l., goes up to Mary and hands her a letter. Hannah. Excuse me, Miss Mary, but Mr. John said as how you was to receive this, and as the new maid is nowheres about, I was afther fetching it to ye meself. Mary (taking letter) . Thank you, Hannah. (EXIT Hannah d. l.) Excuse me a minute, girls. (Reads the note, reads it again, and finally throws it from her, runs to Jessica and weeps on her shoulder) Martha (hastening to pick up the letter). What is it, Mary? What is the matter ? (Picks the letter up, reads it, and is just starting to read it again when Mabel starts up) Mabel (hysterically) . For mercy sakes, Martha, read it aloud. Martha (running to Judith and burying her head on Judith's shoulder). I can't. You, Mabel. Mabel (picking up letter and reading from it). "My dear sisters — Just a note to say it breaks my heart to dis- please any of you, but, aware that I cannot please all of you, I choose to please none of you. I am going to marry the new maid, who knew of me through Mabel at school, so you see after all it was through my sisters I got a wife. Your affectionate brother, John.'' (Silence. After a moment Mabel points a finger at Mary and Martha) Didn't I say I'd put it over you two some day? CURTAIN FAUCES ▲ DOGTOE, BY COURTESY; OR, A JOLLY MIX VT Farce in Three Acts. Six Males^ Five Females By Ullib Akebstrom ^Rwo iatdrier scenes. Costumes modern. Sly's father-in-law adopts A^3ieds to foroe Sty into practice, with disaster to Sly throughtmt. ^'8 wife Is led by Florette to test Sly's fidelity by calling him in professionally. Sly allows Freddie to personate him, leading to com- plications In which every one gets mixed up. Flirtations of Sly before marriaee also add to his perplexities, all of which are finally un- ravellea. The " situations which follow each other in rapid guc- cession make this farce irresistibly comic. Plays two hours. PRICE 25 CENTS A PUZZLED DETECTIVE Farce in Three Acts. Five Males, Three Females By L. E. W. Snow Three Itaterlor scenes. A letter inclosing money, abstracted by a darkey who cannot read, causes Ned Walton, the detective, to get his client's affairs all muddled up, resulting In absurd situations, es- pecially when the darkey is supposed to be Walton in disguise. A needy doctor finds his daughter, a brother discovers his sister, and two girl chums become sisters-in-law to their great satisfaction, and the muddle is cleared up. Plays one hour. PRICE 15 CENTS ' THE HOOSIEB SCHOOL Farce in One Act. Five Males, Five Females By Wm. and Josephine Giles One Interior scene. A realistic picture of a district school In a small Western village. The rough and ready teacher and his tricky scholars keep the audience in a roar. The teacher is finally squelched by the irate mother of one of his pupils. The piece is cleverly worked out and full of funny incidents. Plays thirty minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS MRS. FORRESTER'S CRUSADE Farce in One Act. One Male^ Two Females By C. Leona Daley mple One Interior scene. Helen has written to Professor Butler, inviting him to call to obtain her parents' consent to their engagement. Mrs. Forrester, her mother, also writes inviting him, and requests his co- operation In her endeavor to cure Helen of her habit of using slang expressions. This letter was mislaid and not sent. He calls, and during the interview Mrs. Forrester crowds into her conversation alt the atrocities of slang possible, to Helen's consternation and Butler's disgust. Finally, the missing letter accidentally turns up. Mrs. Forrester's attempts at slang are screamingly funny. Plays thirty minutes. PRICE 15 CENTS A LEGAL PUZZLE Faroe Comedy in Three Acts. Seven Males, Five Females By W. a. Tebmaynb Three Interior scenes. Costumes modern. This play can be highly recommended, the scenes are easy, the dialogue brisk and snappy, tn PLAYS WE RECOMMEND J l[ Fifteen Cents Each (Postage, 1 Cent Extra) jl 1 1 Unless otherwise Mentioned |< i" Acts Males Females Time 5 t\ Arabian Nights Farce 3 4 6 2y4h 1 ■ , Bundle of Matches (27c.) Comedy 2 1 7 iy2h ■ C Crawford's Claim (27c.) Drama 3 9 8 2yih S » 1 Her Ladyship's Niece (27c.) Comedy 4 4 4 ■, Just for Fun (27c.) " 3 2 4 2h ,» ' 1 Men, Maids, Matchmakers ;; (27c.) 3 4 4 2h i" 'i Our Boys 3 6 4 2h i» '■ Puzzled Detective Farce 3 5 3 Ih 1 [ 1 Three Hats " 3 5 4 2h ? J 1 Timothy Delano's g' ■ 1 Courtship Comedy 2 2 3 ih ■! \ t Up-to-Date Anne " 2 2 8 ih i; [■ White Shawl (27c.) Farce 2 3 3 ,■ Fleeing Flyer " 1 4 3 l§h "] , ■ From Punkin' Ridge Drama 1 6 8 i" Handy Solomon Farce 1 2 2 20m ', ,■ Hoosier School " 1 5 5 30m 'i , ■ Kiss in the Dark " 1 2 3 45m 'i 1 ■ Larry " 1 4 4 45m [i , ' Love Birds' Matrimonial B ' Agency " 1 3 4 80m "i i' Married Lovers Comedy 1 2 4 45m 'i i' Ma's New Boarders (27c.) Farce 1 4 4 80m : 1 1 ' Mrs. Forester's Crusade " 1 1 2 80m |i ■ ' New Pastor Sketch 1 2 2 30m ,1 B ' Relations Farce 1 3 1 20m ;i 1 Standing Room Only Comedy 1 3 1 35m ,1 ij Stormy Night " 1 3 1 40m Ii C Surprises (27c ) Farce 1 2 8 80m ,■ iC Tangles (27c.) " 1 4 2 80m ,' ■ , Little Rogue Next Door " 1 2 3 40m ,' B, 'Till Three P. M. " 1 2 1 20m i' ■ , Train to Mauro " 1 2 1 15m ,' ■ , When Women Rule " 1 2 4 15m 1 ■, Won by a Kodak Comedy 1 2 3 50m 1 ] " 1 April Fools Farce 1 3 30m 1 ■ 1 Fun in a Schoolroom " 1 4 40m 1 ■, Little Red Mare " 1 3 35m ■ ' 1 Manager's Trials " 1 9 45m 1 ■, Medica " 1 7 85m I ] 1 Mischievous Bob Comedy 1 6 40m I ■ ■ Cheerful Companion Dialogue 1 2 25m ■ % Dolly's Double " 1 1 1 20m ■, Ji Drifted Apart " 1 1 1 80m ■, 5i Gentle Touch «* 1 1 1 30m ■, „J John's Emmy " 1 1 1 20m ■, Ji Point of View " 1 1 1 20m 'i J Professor's Trua::t Glove «« 1 1 1 20m *^ > Belles of BlackvilJe Minstrel 1 any no. 2h |i f* Sweet Family (27c.) Entertainment 1 8 Ih \i m^ Conspirators (27c.) Comedy 2 12 40m 'i 1 ■ A Day and a Night ( 27c. ) " 2 10 lb 5 t' Gertrude Mason, M.D. (27c.) Farce 1 7 80m |i i' In Other People's Shoes Comedy 1 8 50m ,1 bJ Maidens All Forlorn (27c.) " 3 6 ly^h Ji ■ Mary Ann " 1 5 80m !■ ■ Romance of Phyllis (27c.) " 3 4 i^h ;■ ij Fuss vs. Feathers Mock Trial 1 4 4 80m ■■ ■ , Tanglefoot vs. Peruna " '.' 1 7 18 iy2h ,« ■ , Grent Libel Case « 1 21 2h ;■ rfVyVtfVJSAAftAAAAftAftArtAftJVUVVWVWV i/WJW wuvv LIBRARY OF CONGRESS PLAYS WE RECOMMEND For Schools and Colleges Twenty-five cents (Postage 2 cents extra) Acts Males Females Time Irish Eden Kidnapped Freshman Matrimonial TiCF Little Savage Lodgers Taken In Miss Mosher of Colorado Miss Neptune My Uncle from India Never Again New England Folks Next Door Oak Farm Riddles Rosebrook Farm Stubborn Motor Car Too Many Husbands When a Man's Single Where the Lane Turned After the Honeymoon Biscuits and Bills Chance at Midnight Conquest of Helen The Coward Sheriff of Tuckahoe Bashful Mr. Bobbs Whose Widow Alice's Blighted Profes- sion Regular Girls 100% American Parlor Patriots Fads and Fancies Mr. Loring's Aunts My Son Arthur Sewing Circle Meets Every Senior Bride and Groom Last Chance Bubbles Hurricane Wooing Peggy's Predicament Found in a Closet Slacker (?) for the Cause Baby Scott Billy's Bungalow College Chums Delegates from Denver Football Romance Held for Postage In the Absence of Susan Transaction in Stocks Aunt Dinah's Quilting Party Bachelor Maids' Reunion In the Ferry House Rustic Minstrel Show Ye Village Skewl of Long Ago Rainbow Kimona Rosemary Pharaoh's Knob Comedy 3 8 6 2h Farce 3 12 4 2y4h Farce 1 2 1 Ih Comedy 3 4 4 2h «• 3 6 4 2y2h «« 4 5 3 2h " 2 3 8 li/ih " 4 13 4 2yoh Farce 3 7 5 2h Drama 3 8 4 2Vih Comedy 3 5 4 2h Comedy 8 7 4 2y2h " 3 3 3 iy4h «• 3 6 9 l%h " 3 7 4 SVah Farce 2 8 4 2h Comedy 3 4 4 2h " 4 7 5 2h Farce 1 2 3 50m Comedy 1 3 1 l\4h Drama 1 2 1 2 5m Comedy 1 3 2 Ih Drama 1 5 ? 30m Western Sk. 1 3 1 Ih Comedy 3 4 7 2y2h " 1 5 4 50m Sketch 1 8 50m Entertainment 1 any no. Ih Comedy 1 15 iy2h " 1 12 Ih Sketch 1 17 Ih Comedy 3 13 IVih " 1 2 8 %h Entertainment 1 10 ly^h Morality play 1 8 40m Farce 3 5 5 2y4h Comedy 2 2 12 P/ah lyoh " 3 4 3 " 3 4 3 IMjh •f 1 5 y2h '* 1 1 3 20m Sketch 1 3 1 20m Farce 3 5 4 2y4h Comedy 3 5 4 2h " 3 9 3 2h Farce 2 3 10 %h Comedy 4 9 4 2%h Farce 2 4 3 iy4h " 3 4 6 iy2h Comedy 1 4 1 45m Entertainment 1 5 11 2h " 1 2 any no. lyoh " 1 15 11 iy2h « 1 any no any no iy2h <• 2 any no any no. 2h •• 2 9 lyoh Comedy 4 14 l%h " 1 1 12 Ih