F 128 .5 .58 Copy 1 TING APARTMl G-SMITH-STANTO Class Book. Copyright ]^°_ COPYRIGHT DEPOSrr. An Apartment House, RENTING A Furnished Apartment A NARRATIVE SETTING FORTH THE EXPERIENCES OF AN OUT-OF-TOWN FAMILY IN THE METROPOLIS BY G. SMITH STANTON Author of "Where the Sportsman Loves to Linger, "When the Wildwood Was in Flower," etc. New York : J. S. OGILVIE PURLISHING COMPANY, 57 Rose Street. .J" ■ 3S Copyright, 1916, by G. Smith Staxton MAR 31 I'sie CI.A427480 To tho.sr who possess our of the great- est hlessin(/s of this life, a sense of humor, this volume is dedicated. PREFACE Physicians tell us that it is absolutely necessary, in order to obtain and retain good health, to liave a hearty laugh every day. If any page of this little volume has that desired effect on the reader, the object of its production will be accomplished. CONTENTS. chapti:h I. PAGE ''The Call of the Wild" 13 CHAPTER II. Getting Initiated 25 CHAPTER III. The Holidays 38 (/HAPTER IV. Storms Without and Within 50 CHAPTER V. Sweet With the Bitter 61 CHAPTER VI. Life Is One Thing After Another 75 CHAPTER VII. The Girl Erom Riverside Drive 90 CHAPTER VIII. Trials and Tribulations 101 (CHAPTER IX. "Back to the Soil" Ill LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE An Apartment Plouso Frontispiece Herald Square 14 The Riverside Court 18 German Band 20 An Apartment House 23 'SSleep Out'' 26 Rex 29 Our Protectors 31 Across the Hudson to Jersey 33 The Long" Ishind Home 36 Mr. Cliano-e, Head of the Househohl 39 Scene in Bronx Bark 41 One of Central l*ark's Winding Higlnvays 43 Unloading the Night Shift 45 Greeting the New Year 48 Riverside Drive, Soldiers Monument 51 Times Square, Change & Co 53 Skating Scene in Central Park 56 Tlie Birds and Leaves Are Gone 57 Where Miss Murphy Had a Free Ride 59 Behind the Scenes 62 The Opposite Court 64 J. P. Morgan & Co.— Mills Building 66 The Iowa Stock Ranch in the Early Days 69 Criminal Building, Tombs and Bridge of Sighs 71 City Hall, Municipal Building. 73 U 12 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE A Keminder of the Dentist Chair 76 *^The Man in the Overalls" 77 The Garbap:e Express 81 On the Way to the Diiiiip 84 Th-e Dump 85 Learning Each Other's Lan<»ua*>-e 87 The Preparatory School on the Hudson 91 The 'T. of M." 93 The Old Town Car, IJaniior 95 Mr. Clianiie's Maine Camp 97 Old Orchard Beach 99 The Harbor of New York 102 West End Avenue 105 The Sanitarium in the Adirondacks 108 Taking an Airing 109 Riverside Drive, Grant's Tomb 112 The Cook Can Wave to the Cop 113 Preferable as Voters to the Scum of Europe 116 Tliev Risk their Lives for Ours 119 Renting a Furnished Apartment CHAPTER I Did you ever hear tlie sayiiiii:: ''Everybody likes a change?" Certainly you haye. The only thing on earth that does not like a change is an animal. Tliey would rather die than leaye their happy home. The only differ- ence between a human being and an animal so far as a change is concerned is that the animal knows Avlien he is well off, whereas the human family have to make the change in order to ascertain what the animal already knows. For several years a family — father, mother and daughter — resided in the suburbs of New York City. ''When the melancholy days have come, the saddest of the year," or in other words Avlien the leaves began to fall, the mother and daughter often remarked hoAV pleasant it must be to spend the winter in the city. The more they thought of it the more determined they became to make the move. Against the wishes of the father they decided to close their house for the winter months, discharge the help and rent a furnished apartment in the big town. The question how to proceed was forced upon them. A friend told them to put 13 14 RENTING A FT RXISHED APARTMENT an ^^ad" in a newspapi^r. After consnltation the friend wrote out the "ad/' whieli read as foUows: ''Wanted for the winter niontlis, a furnislied apartnu^nt Avitli elevator, by a family of three adnlts, must be on the West Side in the nei.^'hborliood of tlie nineties. Require a kitchenette and restaurant in building'. Address riiani^e, Herald Office/' Herald Square. Tlie next morning' and for sevei-al days thereafter "Ohan^iie" seemed to be very popular in Herald S([uare. Tlie answers Avere gone over, those selected that seemed to meet the requirements, and the motli(T and daui^hter started on the hunt. Tliere are few people on earth who haven't been house huntinii', so one can imaijine what the ladies went throutili ere thev found tlieir abode for the winter. '^THE CALL OF THE WILD" 15 Several trunks and numerous scrips were packed, the water turned off, tlie maids turned adrift and a big New Foundland doii', with an anxious expression, shipped to the nearest dog kennel. The father, wlio was a '^commuter," was informed that he was gulping his last breakfast for the present in the old home and was given a number and street on a card where he would find his better half and daughter as the sun was sinking among the Jersey hills. After doing some shopping and taking luncheon the mother and daugliter sought their future home and were carried to the seventh floor bv the elevator, manipulated by an ebony attendant. As the ladies sailed through the various rooms of the apartment, they discussed the changes that one tenant invariably makes over his i3redecessor. As they looked out of the different windows the daugliter re- marked, ''Why, mother, we don't look on to a street. What we thought was a street is a court." The motlier inquired, "What is this on the other side?" "That is a court also." "Well, don't say anything to your father, he will never know the difference." The daughter almost burst into tears at the thought of entertaining her male and female friends, especially the former, in a rear apartment. But the apart- ment was in a first-class neighborhood, elegantly furnished and the courts white, wide and airy, one opening into River- side Drive, and as the lease had been signed, the ladies soon became reconciled to their surroundings. They had looked at so many apartments they hardly knew what they had rented. The trunks and grips began to arrive, and as the clock in Saint Michael's was striking the hour of six, in walked the party whom we all "8. O. S." when in financial dis- tress. Fortunately for the ladies, as the head of tlie house ]() RENTING A FI'RNISHED APARTMENT strolled up Broadway with a friend, lie had dropped into a cafe, was in a happy frame of mind and somewhat obliyious to surroundings, so eyerythin^i: looked good to him, the courts included. A maid who slept out and did the chamber work for the party who sublet the apartment to the Change family, consented to remain as manipulator of the bed linen and head duster of the furnishings. How unfortunate it was that the Change family chose Saturday for embarking in the furnished apartment line, for of all the nights in the big city Saturday is the noisiest. Eyerybody knows they can sleej) Sunday, so the time of going to bed Saturday night, or Sunday morning rather, is a secondary consideration. The country home of the Change family was on Long Island. The house stood in the center of a beautiful seyen- acre place, laid off in lawns and driye-ways. Large trees surrounded the house, which was well back from the high- way. Eyerything was peaceful and quiet. The chirping birds built their nests in the trees, shrubbery and wistaria. The hum of the little insects in the grass, including the '^six weeks to frost" katy-did and katy-didn't, lulled one to restful slumber throughout the stilly night. Heretofore the Change family, the ladies shopping and going to places of amusement and the ''Goyernor" at his desk, spent nearly eyery day 'midst the roar and rattle of the big city but when twilight was approaching they hastened to their quiet Long Island home. On account of the necessity of haying their trunks ready for the tirst express, so they would surely arriye at the city a])artment the same day, the Change family had arisen earlier than usual, in fact the anxiety of the moye had resulted in a sleepless night, so they decided to retire early. All through the day and before one retires at night ^'THE CALL OF THK WILD" 17 noises yon do not particularly notice, but when one pre- pares for the ni^ht and presses liis liead into a pillow and gambles on tlie arrival of Morpheus, the eardrum is found an important factor. Unfortunately for the Change family, notwithstanding it was December, the weather was mild and balmy, consequently many windows in the courts, that were usually closed at that time of the year, were wide open. Tlie elevator in the building, with a night and day service, was close to the Cliange apartment, and as there were forty apartments in the twelve-story structure, the elevator had little rest during the twenty-four hours, and the colored trio who ran it slammed the doors at 2 A. M. with the same abandon as they did at 2 P. M. Across the court from the sleeping quarters of the riiange family was a young lady, wliom evidently some one liad told that, by diligent practice in cultivating her voice, Melba, Tetrazini and otlier operatic stars would appear like novices. As 11 P. M. arrived and tlie last high notes of the coming star ascended over tlie top of the apartment and adjoining buildings the Change family made prepara- tions to retire. The walls of the apartment house w^ere so thin you could hear through them. This is not news to the average New York dweller. The bedrooms occupied by the mother and daughter were on one side of the wall between an adjoining apartment, and it seems a piano was on the other. As the mother and daughter were about to ''drop off" some future Paderewski commenced to get in his work; not only was he a Paderewski but a Caruso as well. Can you imagine a more deadly composite than that where sleep is concerned? Saint Michael's was strik- ing the hour of midnight when Paderewski and Caruso rang down the curtain. Being anxious to know how her lord was making it, IS RKXTIX(; A FrRNISIIEI) AL'AKTMEXT the mother slipped out of l)ed and tip-toed doAvii tlie hall and stopped at the door of her husband's bedroom. The mother knew if he was asleep she would hear him snoring. Not hearing the customary snore she silently opened the The Riverside Court. door, stuck lier head in and whispered, "Are you asleep?'^ '^Heavens, no, come in and listen to this. Hear that walk overhead? Well, that pedestrian started just after I re- tired and vou see he is still at it. The note he has to meet ^'TITE C\]Aj of the wild" 19 tomorroAv must be at least a milliou." The father who had decided to take a smoke, had a good laugh as the mother told of Paderewski and Caruso. As tlie (xovernor enjoyed liis cigar, voices and otheF noises resounded tlirough the courts, but as the night wore on, tliey in a measure ceased. It was 2 A. ^I. before there cauH; a sufficient lull for the Long Island delegation to start on anotlier Inint for ^Morpheus. There are about two 1 1 ours, say from 2 to 4 A. M., that one notices a let-up to the noise of the big town. Anyone who cannot exist on two hours of sleep out of tlie twenty-four better keep away from the Metroj)olis. When we say there is a let-up from 2 to 4 A. M., we don't mean that everybody is in bed and traffic ceases. Far from that. Little difference does it make what is the hour of the twenty-four, a crowd is always in evidence fully dressed ready for a fight or a frolic; wlietlier it is a fire on the West Side, a shooting match on the East, a chase after a thief along Broadway, a ride on the subway to Brooklyn, on the "L'' to Harlem, a ferry- boat to Hoboken or a train under tlie river to Long Island, you will not feel lonesome. The first flicker of the coming day was entering the apartment ere the Diange family lost consciousness. They liad been asleep barely two hours when they were awakened by the efforts of a German band in the court that opened into Riverside Drive. We liave heard of music bringing a snake out of his hole, being charmed thereby, and have lieard it recommended to soothe the sick in the hospitals and stop a stampede from a theatre afire, but the kind of music i^roduced by a German band would cause a snake to seek the further recesses of his abode, the hearse to roll into the hospital grounds, and a theatre to be stampeded minus the fire. r»v tlie time the German band and several 20 KEXTING A FURNISHED APART:MENT bands of boYS, wlio v^^ere meadowlarking for pennies, had left the court, the daily rattle of milk bottles, cans and the buzzer in the dumb-waiter began and there was no more sleep in that apartment. When a person has been awake nearly all night his head and stomach call for a bracer of some kind. The German Band. family were in no (•onditi(m to dress and go to the restaur- ant, so tliey 1eh'])li()n(Ml for their breakfast to be sent to the a])artmcnt. Tlie (hiugliter nearly fainted and the father made a few pointed remarks when they replied from the restaurant that it was against the rules to furnish meals in the apartments. As th(» family were considering what ^'THE CALL OF THE WILD'^ 21 to do the bell rang and the ^^sleep-out" girl was standing at the door. How glad the Change family were to see her, not on account of the chamber work, but tliey thought through her thev could figure out how to get something to eat. Fortunate it was for the Change family that the colored maid was one of those human beings on this earth without which what would we do! She was one of those who studies how to solve difficulties, not create them. When asked to solve a problem doesn't say, "It cannot be done," but *'let us see." The maid knew tliere was a kitchen- ette in all the apartments. She was aware that finding stores open on Sunday was a difficult task, but around the corner on Broadway was a restaurant that never closed, where there was a darkey waiter who was trying to Aviu her heart, and she knew he would shoulder the contents of the whole restaurant and pack it to Van Cortlandt Park if she said the word. She asked Mrs. Change if they could get along on coffee, eggs and rolls. ^^Certainly Ave can, and very glad to get it." The maid lit the gas in the kitchenette, filled the tea kettle half full of water and started out of the door with the remark: "Breakfast will be ready in 30 minutes." Inside of 15 minutes she returned with some ground coffee, milk, eggs, rolls and butter. She had noticed on the little shelf in the kitchenette the former occupant had left a good supply of sugar, salt and pepper. True to her word, before the 30 minutes expired the Change family, in their morning gowns, were sipping their coffee and eating their eggs and rolls in their own little apartment. Mrs. Change lost no time making an arrangement with the "sleep out" girl to come at eight every morning to get their breakfast, and raised her wages |5.00 per month. She told her she need not bother witli the chamber work that morning as 22 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT they likeh' would all go back to bed, and as ''Sleep-out" left for home the old man slipped a dollar bill into her hands, telling her to give his best regards to her friend around the corner. Mr. Change then and there resolved that the restaurant in that building wouldn't see any of his wealth. As the effect of the stimulating coffee passed away, the Change family were in a complete state of collapse and the thought of spending the coming night in that apartment so affected the daughter that she couldn't stand the strain another minute, so she put on her hat and wraps, sneaked out of the apartment, went to the garage where they had installed their car, and called up a girl friend, telling her she was coming around for her for a wliirl into the country, ordered the chauffeur to get busy, and away she went for her friend and up Riverside Drive. The chauffeur in(iuired where he was to go. She replied, ''Get into Broadway at the first turn and go North and press the accelerator.'' Soon Yonkers was left behind and then Tarry town and so on to Poughkeepsie. In front of the Nelson House they stopped. Both girls were graduates of Yassar, so they felt at home at the halfway stop to the Capitol. On the way up Miss Change told her friend what a horrible night they all had, that she must have a good night's rest or she would go crazy. Miss Change ordered supper for the chauf- feur and told him to return to the city. Not wisliing to have any argument, instead of telephoning she telegraphed her mother where she was, how she got there, who was with her and that she had selected a room for a good night's rest and would be down by train some time tomorrow. Notwithstanding it was Sunday, the din of various pianos and pianolas bounced from one side of the courts to the other, and in the enclosed court kitchen untensils were dancing the tango without any "hesitation.'' The "THE CALL OF THE WILD 23 noises kept the Jieacl of the Change honsehold from having liis nsual Sunday siesta, whicli lie needed more on tliat day than ever before, so lie dressed, telling his headachy better An Apartment Muust'. half that he was going for a stroll. He went over to his club, selected a room on the quiet side of the house, sent a messenger boy ''No answer" around to the apartment, 24 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT informing his wife that he was suddenly called out of town; in fact had already left and would not be at home until after office liours tomorrow. With her daughter in Poughkeepsie for the night and her husband, she knew not wliere, the prospect of sleeping alone, or trying to, in that apartment for the night so upset the mother's nerves that she was afraid she would jump out of the window, so she telephoned to an older sister in the Oranges that she would be out for the night. She left word with one of the elevator boys to tell ^^Sleep-out" that they would not be home Monday and for her to call at the usual time Tuesday. All of the Change family had a good night's rest and Mon- day eve found them back in the apartment braced for Part Two in the little skit of renting a furnished apartment. GETTING INITIATED 25 CHAPTER II GETTING INITIATED The sister in the Oranges was born in New York City, havino- lived tliere nearly all her life, but on account of her husband's health had moved in to the country. From lier sister Mrs. Change learned a whole lot of things. The sister told her that "with your nice place on Long Island you should spend what we call the ^week-end' there. Go out there Saturday and stay until Monday. By so doing you get away from the worst two nights in town, and then you all will find that the country air will help you along the balance of the week.'' When the mother disclosed the "week-end'^ scheme to her hubby and daughter they both felt like the convict who is in the death house in Sing Sing and had just learned that the Court of Appeals had granted him a new trial. The daughter fairly jumped with delight. "We will get Rex back from the kennel for the two days, take 'Sleep-out' along and won't we have a glorious time.'' When the Change family realized that Saturday was only a few days away before they would again "rock me to sleep mother" in their quiet country home, they all felt so elated that the roar of the court disturbed their repose no longer, in fact they rather enjoyed it, knowing how delightful was the coming contrast. The only noise in the courts that seemed familiar was the occasional barking of a dog in the daytime and the howling of some prowling cat at night, 26 RENTING A FrRNISIIED APARTMENT noises that the Chanoe fainilv were glad to hear, as it reminded them of the happy home out on the Island. Everybody was up Tuesday morning when ^'Sleep-out'' arrived. "Sleep -out.' The family had been under such a mental strain since Saturday that tliey had f<>rg(»lteii all about the daily papers, so the head of the house called up the elevator boy to send out and make arrangements to have the daily papers at the gp:ttixg initiated 27 door of the apartment. Mr. Change had made a study of the question hoAv to keep peace in the family, consequently he took three morning and the like number of evenings papers so each member of the family would be relieved of any anxiety as regards ^'first aid to the injured." As "Sleep-out" walked in, two letters that had been shoved under the door were handed to Mr. Change. One was from the Consolidated Gas Company enclosing blanks requesting Mr. Change to sign his name in several places and to return a check for five dollars as a deposit or the gas would be turned off. The other letter was from the Edison Electric Liglit people requesting Mr. Change to put his "John Hancock" on a slip enclosed and remit |15 by return mail, as a deposit, or the flo-w of electricity would cease to meander through the apartment. As the second demand raised the anti |10 a chill ran up and down Mr. Change's vertebrae every time he glanced at the little crack beneath the door, he expecting the next deposit would be $25. The Edison notice gave Mr. Change some consola- tion, as they agreed to pay six per cent interest on the deposit. As the bank on which the Edison check was drawn paid no interest, Mr. Change's only regret was that the deposit couldn't have been larger. After looking over the morning papers Mr. Change left the apartment for his office. Shortly afterwards the ladies telephoned for the car. "Sleep-out" finished her work and left for home. Mrs. Change often called at her hubby's office at clos- ing time and they went for dinner at one of the various restaurants along Broadway, the daughter generally dining with some friends. Mrs. Change's calls at her husband's office at closing time had some other object in view than dinner. She knew that through the arteries of her loved 28 RENTIX(; A FURNISHED APARTMENT one some sporting blood still flowed and she was a little suspicious of the young and decorated stenographers cir- culating through the various offices of "Change & Co." The Change family, sometimes in twos, and occasionally in the triple alliance, attended some theatre in the evening. With the exception of the noise of the dumb-waiter buzzer, by the milk man, tlie janitor for garbage, the ice-man, the grocer, the laundry man, the baker and men entering the apartment to study the hieroglyphics of the various meters, to kill cockroaches and croton water bugs, and the rounds of the superintendent to see if everything was working all right, the little tingle of the door bell, as mail and bills were shoved under the door, tlie occasional ringing of the telephone, the pounding of the steampipes and the roar of the courts, the apartment was as quiet as the grave. Nothing out of the ordinary of life in the average New York apartment occurred during the first week of the Change family's occupancy. Tlie mocking bird across the court hadn't yet satisfied herself that Melba was down and out, Paderewski and Caruso, like the old guard at Waterloo, decided they would rather die than surrender, and the man higher up couldn't have yet liciuidated the note. When Saturday morning came, the grips were packed for the week end. The caretaker at tlie Long Island home, who slept in the garage, was notified to have the water turned on, the furnace started and get everything in read- iness for the return of the pilgrims. On the arrival of the ladies the c;ir(4aker informed them that he had just heard that Rex had died the night before witli distemper, brought on, no doubt, by tlie confinement and association in the kennel. The dog's death nearly broke the family up, as Rex's affection for his master was on a par with all dogs, CxETTINd TXITTATED 29 and his reputation for Avateli fulness had gone far and wide. Evildoers were not welcome, as many a seat of trousers scattered over the lawn could testify. The Saturday the (liange family i'(4urned to their home was clear and balmy. They sent the caretaker to the various stores to supply the larder. The train ^'Sleep- Rex. out" was to come on came and left, others followed but no ^'Sleep-out.'' Everybody was getting hungry, so there was nothing to do but for the mother and daughter to put on aprons and tackle the grub and range question. The sun went down, the moon came up and the stars shone forth and still no ''Sleep-out." The morning came and still no 30 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT tidings of the one anxiously looked for. It was a sorry week-end for the Change family. How they did miss Rex, and the faithful servants they let go when the fur- nished apartment scheme ai)i)eared ])cals to which Mr. Change gladly con- tributed was from the Salvation Army. When that organ- ization made its first appearance in the American religious THE HOLIDAYS 41 arena, wliat ridicule and criticisms it had to endure. Hooted at and pelted Avitli missies by the youths of the street. Laughed at by adults, orstracised by other religious organizations. Through it all the Salvation Army con- tinued to work out their idea of what was meant by the word diristianitv. As time wore on, those who had looked Scene in Bronx Park. at the Salvation Army as an object of ridicule began to realize tliat they followed the teachings of the Saviour nearer than any other religious organization. While the churches of the rich were sending missionaries to China, raising funds to erect more imposing edifices and making contributions to institutions to educate young men for the ministry, the Salvation Army Avas devoting its strength 42 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT and funds to feed, clothe and house the poor unfortunates of cities in which they had a branch. If some poor, cokl, liungry soul in New York City sought food and shelter would he seek the religious organizations along Fifth Ave- nue or would lie ratlier turn to tlie less pretentious head- quarters of the Volunteers of America, who, he knew, n^ matter what his religion, age, condition, sex or color, woul ' welcome him? In the great city of London it is the Sal- vation Army whose members seek out the fallen wome i and try to lead them back to a purer life. The Salvation Army embodies the word Christianity as no other religion ; organization does on the face of the globe. It was the day after Christmas that a little fair-haired girl stood at a window overlooking the court, weeping as if lier heart would break. To lier mother, who was standing beside her, the little one, Avith her chubby fingers was pointing down to the court. Passing along on the top of a pile of rubbish was the Christmas tree of the day before. Can one imagine the feelings of that child as she saw one of the dearest treasures of her life so humiliated? How like many of this world was that Christmas tree! Like the newborn, with what ecstacies it was first welcomed, croAvned with laurels, yet finally to lose its embellishments and become a derelict on the sea of life. The Clmnge family spent part of the holidays at their Long Island home. They took along the woman wlio came in daily, and as she was a good cook and as there was not any snow, the family enjoyed the delightful trips in their automoblie over the smooth, macadamized driveways of Nassau and Suffork Counties. The turn of the year brought tlie dreaded cold Avavi^s. As the water liad been turned on at the Long Island liome, tlie caretaker Avas told to keep a good fire in the THE HOLIDAYS 43 furuace and not let it go out, as tlie pipes might freeze. The father took the morning express for the city, the mother and daughter and ^'Call Daily" by auto for the apartment. Up to that time tlie bone over which the average One of Central Park's Vvanding Highways. New York tenant and Janitor usually quarrel— the heat question— had not been in evidence, as the weatlier had been more like spring than winter. The familv had attended tlie theatre the evening of 44 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT their arrival from their Long Island home and had taken an after-theatre dinner. It was after midnight when they returned to the apartment. It was as cokl as a barn. The radiators were turned on and the Change family were con- gratulating themselves that shortly they would be toasting tlieir feet. After waiting half an hour for the still cold radiators to respond, they called up the superintendent's office and inquired what was the matter with the heat. They all nearly had a fit when the superintendent informed tliem that ^'the heat is always turned off at 11 P. M. and is not turned on again until 5 A. M." ^'We are nearly frozen, what are we going to do?" ^^Liglit the gas logs." The gas logs were lit and Mr. Change saw himself paying the gas company for heat that should be furnished by the apartment house. How they did miss the open grates of tlieir Long Island home. The gas logs proved a poor substitute for the radiator, where heat Avas concerned, but if it had been a (luestion of flavor the radiators were a poor second. The odor from the escaping gas so permeated the apartment that there was nothing else to do but turn it off and go to bed, or be asphyxiated and frozen at the same time. The Change family were so mad and cold that little sleep they had, and how anxiously they watched the slowly moving clock as it made its rounds to 5 A. M., and how delighted they were as they heard the radiators, like the early birds on tlieir Long Island estate, singing the song of the awakening. Physicians tell us that many gamblers die from a disease knoAvn as ^^suppressed emotion.'' What a relief it is that there is a disease Avitliout the termination "itis.'' Certainly the patient afflicted with ^^suppressed emotion" has something to be thankful for. A professional gambler, if playing against a novice, can tell from the expression TIIK HOLIDAYS 45 on ihv l;iyinaii\s face as lie lifts liis cards, tlie nature of tlie liand. Not so with the stoic gambler. One cannot tell from liis ]>]iysiognomy whether it is a pair of deuces or four aces. (Tiring vent to your feelings is absolutely necessary for a liealthy mind and body. Nothing better tlian laugliing and crying. Swearing sometimes helps. If Unloading the Night Shift. it Avere not for New Year's Eve the Great White Way would be a graveyard. It is on that night that the lid is raised from the long pent-up, suppressed emotion of New York, yet there are those who would deny the New Yorker in his own sweet way of seeing the passing of the old and the entrance of the new. Those people whose aim in life seems to be to regulate their fellow-man, cause nine-tenths of the 40 RENTIXd A FURNISHED AI'AK IWl KN T trouble of the lioiiseliokl. New Yorkers and tlieir country cousins were making resevations for the annual suppressed (Miiojinn ldow-(Mit when one of these regnhi ting individuals called forth the following reply from the Mayor : "My Dear Sir : Your letter of December 1st lias been received. It is certainly not my intention to take any action witli reference to all night licenses on New Year's Eve, which would en- courage excessive drinking and revelry. We must recog- nize, however, the fact that it is the custom of this town, of many years' standing, for an unusually large number of people to go to restaurants on New Year's Eve. In recognition of this it seems to me wise to grant, as the law (Mn])owers me, to restaurants of good rej^utation, a special license which will enable more people than usual to take a late supper on this one night of the year. Most of those who go to restaurants go merely to celebrate with their friends the coming of the new year, without the disorder to which you object. Permission to restaurants to remain open will not be granted except upon the basis of their good reputation as established by experience. It does not seem to me to be necessary, nor do respectable citizens desire that people should remain in restaurants past the time that will enable them to meet their friends and celebrate the coming of the new year in an orderly way. I shall, therefore, refuse to give to any restaurant a license to stay oi)en all night. I intend, however, to extend to restaurants of good reputation for this night only, the ])riviledge of remaining open until 3 o'clock, which is one hour beyond the closing time for restaurants which regu- larly have these licenses. I have instructed the Police Commissioner to see to it that decency and order are CA^ery- where maintained. Restaurants that permit drunkenness or disorder will be refused similar provisions in the future. Sincerely vours," THE HOLIDAYS 47 Mr. Change, who had been suppressing emotion dur- ing all the bus}^ days of the year made reservation for his family and a few guests at one of the resorts along New York's great thoroughfare— Broadway. It is a naval supersition that if the new boat sticks on tlie ways, while being launched, it is a bad omen, there- fore from time immemorial a bottle of wine is smashed over it, evidently to stimulate action, and the smashee is gen- erally a pretty girl who also has the effect of stimulating action. New Yorkers always worked on the theory that it is a bad omen for the New Y^ear to stick on the ways, so wine and women, similar to the new boat, have invariably been invoked. Exception has been taken to the manner the present-day New Y^orker has of issuing in the New Year, not to the wine and women prescription, but to the frequent dose of the former and the display of the latter. The objectors evidently are not aware of the example set by their fathers of welcoming the New Y^ear. They did not assemble after all ^'good people'' had retired, and between four walls suppress their emotions and ring down the curtain at 3 A. M. On the contrary, it was a continuous I>erformance, as long as they were able to navigate, to make as many calls on the fair sex as possible. From midday to twilight, from house to house they went, "build- ing rail fences" along the public thoroughfare. Yet they tell us we should follow in the footsteps of our fathers. A difficult task it would have beeen on New Y^ear's Day. New Year's Eve saw the Great White Way in its glory. One hour before its arrival, limousines were un- loading the thoroughbreds of the big town in front of its various resorts. Y^oung and old bloods in evening dress, and the fair sex in the dress of Eve were gathering around the festive board. The menu was being scanned and the 48 REXTIX(; A FURNISHED APARTMENT Avine list consnltcMl, as ragtime pcrcolatod tlir()iii»ii the atmosphere of the baiKjuet liall. J.oiii; lines of waiters were coming throngh the swinging doors from the culinary department, bearing trays loaded down with the latest creations of the clief and corkscrews galore. While pleas- ure was at its height and the second hand was nearing the Greeting- the New Year. midnight hour, tlie lights were dimmed, registering tlie approaching death of tlie old year. Tlie eclii)se was of short duration. As the light flashed again announcing the arrival of the New Year, the beauty and chivalry of the great metr()i)olis Avere on their feet to welcoriie it. For an hour ])revious to the launching of the New Year evei-y precaution had been taken that it would not THE HOLIDAYS 49 stick on the ways. The crew itself, feariug that the}', too, iiiiiiht stick on the ways, had smaslied the neck of many a bottle. The cliristening of the New Year was not left to the individual. As the i»ood ship 1910 started down the ways to its sea of trouble, both within its many caravan- saries and along its public highways, the lid of sux)pressed emotion was lifted from the greatest city of the world. During one of the campaigns of Mr. Bryan for the Presidency, Lee Fairchild opened an address : "Four years have rolled around and so have ]Mr. Bryan and the Democratic Party.'' At Presidential elections is another time the New Yorker lifts tln^ lid of supi:)ressed emotion. It was, is, and likely ahvays will be, a betting proposition whether the State outside of New York City shall wag the city or vice versa. Before the Consolidation Act, the Harlem River was the dividing line. There the Democratic major- ity of the city met tlie Republican majority from up the State. "Down to the bridge" — meaning the Harlem River — was where the forces met to compare notes. After con- solidation, the mighty Bronx — the Northern line of the great city — is where the accountants meet and strike a trial balance. It re(iuired a lot of patience to be a candi- date in the early days. B}^ couriers afoot and on horse back, by stage coach and byAvater, the election returns were carried to the four corners of the Union, and it was in some cases weeks after the polls closed ere the American people knew who was to be the next occupant of the AYhite House. But today, before the midnight hour of Election Day, the great crowds Avho gather and make night hideous in front of the offices of the metropolitan dailies knoAv who is to be their ruler. 50 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT CHAPTER IV. STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN On one of the coldest nights in winter the Cliange family were awakened about 1 A. M. by a continuous ringing of the telephone. Mr. Change in his bare feet and half asleep, put the receiver to his ear. '^I am the superin- tendent, the thermometer is slowly falling and to avoid a freeze up of the pipes, I Avish you would let the cold water run in the kitchen sink, just a small stream." Mr. Change rej^lied that it was a very good idea and asked about the bath tub. ''There is no use doing anything there unless it gets colder. Good night Mr. Change." Mr. Change, half frozen, crawled under tlie covers after ansAvering divers and sundry questions fired at him in rapid succession by the female contingent. Mr. Change lay aAvake about an hour rubbing one foot against tlie other, but finally fell asleep. About 3 A. M. the family were awakened again by another vigorous call of the telei)lione. 31 r. Change took the i)recauti()n of putting on liis slii)pers and again lifted the receiA'er. ^'Js tliis .Mr. Cliange?" ''It is." "I am the superintendent. The bulb in the tliermometer is still fall- ing and 1 wish 3()u Avould let tlie cold Avater also run in the lavatory and bath tub and it Avould be Avell to pull the W. C. rod occasionally. Hoav are your family making it?" «They are all aAvake, thank you." '^I am sorry to disturb you, but it is better than the incon\(Mii(Mice it Avould put STORMS WITHOI^T AND WTTIITN 51 yon to if the pipes burst/' "You certainly are a careful man and if I ever build an apartment house and need a superintendent you can consider yourself engaged. Call me up again if 3'ou want anything further, I like to have people wake me up, especially in the middle of the night. Don't yon tliink if you turned on tlie heat it might help some? I was ^oing to sav good niglit but I guess T will Riverside Drive, Soldiers' Monument. say good morning." ^Ir. Cliange liad controlh^l liis tem- per thus far, l)ut if tliere had been another ring the other side of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" would have been heard from. Fortunately for all concerned, daylight dawned Avitli no more telei)lione calls and water floAving through the rhange faucets. About eioht o'clock there was a knock at the door 51: REXTrx(; a Fi^RXisnED apartafent aud ill walked the siiperiiitendeiit. He had one of those: round, pleasant faces with a smile constantly flickering across it, back of whicli 3011 knew was a pleasant disposi-i tion. He could take hasty, unpleasant remarks on thei part of imi)atient tenants as if he enjoyed them. He waS| one of that brand of ji,ood fellows to whom you feel it a' pleasure to loan a hundred or two, eyen if 3-011 knew at the time you might neyer see it again. ''I am yery sorr,y, Mr. Change, to inconyenience 3'ou, especialh^ the ladies,^ but the people in the apartment directly oyerhead neglected! to do what 3 on willingl3' did, therefore the pipes are frozen] and I will haye to shut tlie Ayater off, 3-et I hope in the! course of an hour to giye 3'ou hot water at least." All] da3' long and far into tlie night aboye tlie other noises wasj heard the pounding of tlie Knights of the Monke3' Wrench' and the Hioldering Iron. Tlie break was worse than expect-; ed, yet at midnight the hot water Ayas on again, at 1 A. ^L; the cold, and the tenants of the Change axxirtment house: were once more on the Ayater Ayagon. ; On the cA'cning of the thirteenth of JanuarA', a l)liz-l zard from the West struck the cit3'. It snoAyed and bloAyed: all night and Ayas still at it the next morning. Not being] able to see the street from the Change ainirtment the in-j tensit3^ of the storm and the doAynfall of snoAy could not! be correctly gauged, yet the condition of th(\ courts gaA'ei (me a yery good idea. The daughter haying some tickets! for a matinee telephoned doAvn to the operator of the] SAyitchboard, asking the eonditioii of things outside. ''It i is perfectly aAyful. The streets are impassable, the street cars are not running, the eleyatcMl and subAyays are blockevl and CA^ery thing is at a standstill." The daughter tele- jihoned oyer to the garage to the chauffeur aud he set up anotlier aAyful hoAyl. After Mr. Change had his coffee andj i STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 53 rolls, had road tlie niorniiig paper, lie made ready to go to his oftic(\ Tlie average New Yorker's idea of a l)lizzard ahvavs did amuse Mr. Change. Mr. Change in his younger days ran a stock ranch on the plains long I)efore the days of railroads and had been up against l)lizzards that the one tliat was in esse at that particular time was but a passing Times Square, Change & Co. raress. As Mr. Change left the elevator, the young lady at the switchboard implored him not to venture out in such a storm. He informed her as Avas his custom, he Avould very likely walk from the apartnuMit to his office, which was at Times 8(iuare, and lie did. Hv(M-ything in this life is gauged by comparison. Compare .Mr. Change in a fur- lined overcoat, cap and gloves to match, and arctics, walk- "4 BEXTING A FUBXLeing canght out on the isolat^t^ prairies of the West in a howling storm and nnable to Kt^^ one hundred feet ahead of hinu driving a pair of horses hitched to a wagonload of hogs and a fifteen-mile trip before him. or on the jil^J^s in the saddle trying to head a herd of cattle stampeded by a blizzard. That had been the experience of the man that the timid girl at the switchboard was trying to scare to death with a gentle zephyr. New Yorkers wlio knew tlie town l»ack iu the sixties laugh at conditions of those days. Business men were sat- isfied to board a horse-car at City Hall with a little bell on one of the beasts and jingle an hour away while they were on tlie daily route to Yorkville. Harlem and repeat. "The pace tliat kills" was in embryo at that time. The Wall Street banker seemed content to climb into a Fiftli Ave- nue stage drawn by horses and at a dog trot, stopping at every block, to spend an hour crawling down the Avenue and Hroadway to his office. Tliere were other conditions of those early days tliat amuse tlie pjresent day New Y'orker and tliey smile as they ask each other "How did they stand it?'' The next generation will no doubt laugh at the way tlie big town cleanr^l house after a big fall of tlie beautiful. They will have their doubts, as history informs them, that the great city of five million j)eople defjended on a lot of broken down sjiecimens of Iminanity, called the unem- ployed, to turn the trick, and if this worthless crowd, many of whom were bums and tramps, refused to shovel snow, STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 55 the citT would remain blocked. History will recount that the srreat citv was dependent on men to clean its streets who were half clothed, hungry and weak, resulting from an over-supply of booze and an under-supply of bread, and before this outfit could come to the city's rescue they had to be clothed and fed in order to nourish them back to life, so to sj>eak. If the weather was not to tlieir liking tliey would quit and the traffic would come to a slowdown, until this conglomeration of all nationalities would help again to lift the city of its burden. Every Saturday was a welcome day to the (^hange family, as it brought the "week-end" around and tempor- ary relief from the closely confined and noisy apartment. The snowstorm j^revented them making the tri]i by atito, but they decided if they found the roads out on the Island in good condition they would use the car left in the garage at the Long Island home. There was quite a hill on the Long Island estate and an artificial pond, and as the wliole family Avas fond of outdoor sports, they looked forward with delight to the exhilarating exercise of skating and sliding down hill. As the Change family, the chauffeur and "In Daily" were whisked down to the place from the station tlie man who ran the taxi containing Mr. Change told him that his caretaker was in the Mineola jail for running over a man while on a nightly joy ride. As the family entered the house there was a skating rink in half of the rooms, the cellar was covered with water, the boiler in tlie kitchen had btirst and also the pipes in one of the batli rooms, in fact all over the hotise. It seems that the jailing of the caretaker had taken away the fireman of the Change establishment and everything had frozen and the water was still oozing through the bursted pipes. The chauffeur took off his 56 RENTING A FUKNISUEI) APARTMENT shoes and stockings and waded tlirougli the water in the cellar and turned olf tlie stop eock. Mr. Cliange telephoned to Mineola and was informed tliat liis caretaker was in jail for thirty days and the machine in the Mineola garage. Mr. Change called up his plumber and decorator to come down at once and look the house over. There was nothing Skating Scene in Central Park. h'ft for the Change family but to return to tlu^ city apart- ment. How they did dread the coming night. Visions of Paderewski and Caruso, the man liigher up and the superin- tendent lower down, and the noises in the courts, they could already hear. Tltey decided they couldn't stand the strain, so after a late dinner in the restaurant tlie ladies started for the Oranges and Mr. Cliange for his club. STORMS WITHOUT AND WITHIN 57 As already stated, Mrs. Cliaiii>e's sister liad spent near- ly all lier life in the city and she fonnd the most satisfac- tory mode of livin<; was in an apartment hotel. Ontside rooms ]>redominated and they were looked after by em- ployees of the liotel. Yonr meals a la carte yon conld take in the hotel or not as yon chose. Spacious parlors and The Birds and Leaves Are Gone. tluMr clioseu pursuit. If ou tlic sea of matrimony tliey embark, the coast line will be strewn witli mental and physical wrecks. In Mr. Change's seventy years of life, covering con- siderable territory, it remained for an incident while in the furnislied apartment to be tlie most horrible of his ex- perience. A young man wliile attacked with delirium ti-emens cast himself from a window on tlie top floor of tlie apartment to the court below. The screams of women and the smashing of glass at 1 A. M. awoke all the tenants of the Riverside court. Mr. Change caught sight of an object wliirling througii tlie air on its downward course. The evening papers of the coming da}^ gave the circum- stances. The 3 oung man was a scion of a distinguished New York family who, witli his gray-haired mother and sister, occupied one of the apartments across tlie court. Unfortunately for the young man he had been left an ample income from a trust fund by a wealthy father, who, during his life, was one of Xew York's leading bankers. The son was an exami)le of the idle young men in this city living on an income, Avho spend their days in an auto- mobile witli questionable companions of both sexes, and their nights in the resorts of the Tenderloin. It seems the mother tried to sto]) lu^r son in his wild i^lunge, but was knocked down, fracturing tier skull and died the following day. Sometimes it seems that a war would be a blessing to this country, as it has been in a measure to England. It is a satisfaction to see those strutting monocled dukes and lords in the trenches where they are of some good to their country. Conscription is another blessing. In France it is a delight to see alongside of his English cousin in the trenches, manv a c(mnt — such as the court held 68 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT when iu tliis city Count Johannes took action for recog- nition of a hazy title — *'A count of no account.'' Mrs. Cliange was a New Eni»hin(l woman and one can imagine the uproar when a bug, that, upon examination, proved to be a bedbug, was seen slowly zigzagging its way along the baseboard of one of the bedrooms. Mrs. Change rushed to the telephone and called the superintendent, informing him what she had seen. One of the passengers on the first elevator going up was the superintendent. He at first tried to make Mrs. Change believe what she saw was a Croton water bug, but he soon discovered that he couldn't fool the offspring of a New England housewife. The superintendent told Mrs. Change that just prior to their moving in, a European friend of the former occupant bad spent a fcAv days in the apartment and he was some- what suspicious of a trunk belonging to the man from abroad. The superintendent was a former purser for a steamship company and was aware that the baggage store rooms of Atlantic liners were infested with vermin. The apartment house in which the Change family were domiciled pretended to be one of the classiest in the big town, and it would never do for the other tenants to learn that even one bedbug was in their midst. The super- intendent implored Mrs. Change to say nothing, promising to call up the owner of the apartment at once and would have the ^'exterminator" right on the job. In the course of an hour the owner with the exterminator arrived. The owner informed Mrs. Change that they would have to seek other quarters for a couple of days while the apartment was being fumigated. Mrs. Change replied it was impossible for her to get out that day and that she would have to call up Mr. Change and she couldn't locate her daughter. The owner was persistent that the funii- SWEET WITH THE BITTER 69 70 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT gating begin at once. Of course, Mrs. Change wanted it done, so she telephoned her husband the situation, tokl the superintendent to be on the lookout for her daughter and to tell her to meet her at the skating ring of the Bilt- more at 7 P. M. Packing up a few of her own and daugli- ter's belongings, Mrs. Change telephoned for their car and started out in to the cold world. The process of fumigation consisted of sealing up all windows of the apartment and the entering door aiiartment. They were great be- lievers in plenty of fresh air, so the windows, (»sp evidence — in fact, we intend to put the X^niversity of Elaine i on the map." j As the girl from Riverside sat down the President ■ requested her attendance at his office in the morning and | THE CIRf. FR():\r RIVERSIDE DRIVE 99 dismissed tlie students. That nigiit, witli tlie assistance of her roommate, tlie New York girl's trunk was packed and a taxi ordered to catcli the 4 A. M., Western bound, St. John's express. After breakfast at the Union Station Old Orchard Beach. at Bangor, she boarded the early morning train over the Bansor and Aroostook for ^foosehead Lake and her father's camp. Consternation reigned among the students at the Uni- versity after they learned that their queen bee had flown. 160 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT 81iould all that lovely to<>'iverY hovct be worn? Should telegrams be sent to tlie boys at Portland, Old Orchard, Kineo and l>ar Harbor calling otT the Assembly Ball? Unanimonsly tlie students yoted, ncA^erl In the closing hours of the summer school a great bonfire raged on the campus. Fearing if tliey returned home with the outfits they had brought with them, their parents would compel them to be worn again, and solicitous that they themselyes might not stand the criticism of their townspeople, the students decided to cremate all former belongings. Calico, the price of wliich had been measured by the amount of farm produce to be disposed of, wraps that were more appropriate on a horse than a human, were piled high on the funeral bier. Stockings that dear old gray-haired grandmothers had religiously knit from wool raised on the farm, were trailed oyer the campus to their doom. Unadorned underwear, liome made shoes and freak- ish headgear went up in smoke and, last but not least, billets-doux from now discarded, uncouth admirers of their native hamlets Avere added to the rest, and as the summer school closed the faculty of the U. of M. decided to bow to the inevitable, and resolved to name the new hall after the girl from Kiverside Drive. TRIALS A^D TRIBULATIONS 101 CHAPTER VIII TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS Mr. Change was sittino- in an easy chair in the parlor reading the morning paper and smoking liis favorite brand when he saw a little slip of paper shoved through that same little crack beneath the door. The slip read as fol- lows : *^^To THE Patrons of the Restaurant.^'' "On account of a strike of our emplo3^ees, we are unable to furnish anv more meals at present. We hope within the next twenty-four hours to uuike the necessary arrange- ment to continue the service, of which you will be duly notified. Regretting the inconvenience this will cause our patrons and claiming that it is caused on account of a ridiculous demand on the part of our employees, we remain, Respectfully y(uirs, Ringgold & Co/-" A little thing like that did not disturl) ^Ir. Change. Mrs. Change was somewhat upset, but the daughter nearly went into hysterics. She had invited some friends to a card party that very evening and was to have given them a dinner in the restaurant. She didn't know what to do, but lier mother came to the rescue. She summoned the cliautfeur and aAvay tliey went to a fashionable hotel, made 102 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT the necessary arrangements and engaged taxis to take their guests to the banquet. Witliin forty-eight hours the restaurant was running again, tlie Change family in the meantime having talcen their morning coffee and rolls in the kitchen. Mr. Change being served at the stationary tubs. The former employees The Harbor of New York. of the restaurant assembled just outside the apartment house and attempted to interview everybody who entered. They stopped all strangers, thinking they might be strike- breakers. They spoke to tlie ])atrons whom they formerly served and tried to exi)lain tlie justice of their contention. Thev made tliemselves such an infernal nuisance that the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS 103 Change family and tlie otlier occupants of the house made their entrance and exit from the rear of the apartment and through the court that opened on to Riverside Drive. The strikers soon found that the restaurant was running again, the new employees entering and leaving the build- ing througli the basement of an apartment opening into the Riverside court. Tliis so angered the striking waiters that one night about twelve o'clock, closing time, every- body in the Riverside Drive court was awakened by an awful racket in the court. The striking waiters had '^aid" for the ^^scabs" and as they were about evenly numbered, the battle lasted until the police entered the court and carted the ringleaders to the police station. During the progress of the fight and to get it over as soon as possible, the "tenants opened up on the combatants with a fusilade of divers and sundry articles and after the battle was over the court was a counterpart to the other court at the time of the attack on the garbage express. Mr. Change always looked forward to the week-end l>om a hygienic standpoint. While on his Long Island estate a daily bath was part of his toilet. There the water supply came from the bowels of the earth— it seems that there could be a more cleanly word than bowels— whereas in the city it came from the heavens. We are taught that above is a much more desirable abode than down below, but the water supply of Nassau County, coming via the bowels of the earth, is preferable to that coming over the surface. Mr. Change soon learned that it was unnecessary to go to Mount Clemens, Michigan, to get a mud bath, all he had to do was to rent a furnished apartment in New York. As the hour of 9 A. M. approached, the time Mr. Change usually took a bath, he noticed a little slip of paper under the door which read as follows: 104 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT j "You are hereby notified that on account of a nev, 1 water main connection to be made at West End Avenue and 110th Street, tlie water will be shut off this day from ] 9 A. M. to 4 P. M. Of this take due notice and govern ! yourself accordingly. j "New York Water Department, | "per Kilgor." : i Mr. Change was too late for his bath, nor did he take ; one until tlie next day. When tlie Avater pipes are emptied, i touch not, nor taste not for the twenty-four hours follow- ; ing unless you are immune from typhoid fever. The water ; of New York City has caused many a fall from the water wagon. Speaking of West End Avenue, there is no more beau- , tiful street in the big town. The avenue is wide and un- i dulating, both sides are lined by beautiful residences and \ imposing apartment houses and apartment hotels. A ! smooth pavement it has, and for some reason, greatly to : the pleasure of those Avho reside thereon, it is shunned ■ by traffic. Along that aAcnue is Avhere the rising genera- ; tion of the AAcalthy get their first impression of this life. ! ExpensiA'e baby carriages Avith their precious freight, : rolled along by AA'liite capped maids, line the Avide, smooth ; sidcAA'alks of that liigh, clean and sunlit thoroughfare. In , what different surroundings are the offspring of the loAvly but a few aA'enue blocks away. What different impressions '■ on their innocent minds than of the Avell-to-do. Brought ! up in squalor in some foul tenement, fronting on a filthy i street, poorly nourislied and clotlied, neglected during the ■ day, demoralizing scenes constantly lu'fore tliem, how can i any one expect from many of them otlier tlum a criminal i life. Y^et from tliat same loealitv come some of our smart- ; TRIALS AND TUIIU'LATIONS 105 est men and women. l*nl)lie school teachers, who have made the ronnds, tell us that the easiest to learn, the quick- est of conception, are among the denizens of the great unwaslied of the tenements of the ^'East Side/' The Change family had been but a niontli in the paved city ere they found it was necessary to invest in that West End Avenue. remedy which Noah was careful to see that the Ark con- tained a supply of, before he shoved oft', ''corn salve.'' Noah was a wise old coon ; he knew he would need it on Mount Ararat. The stone paA'ement, with no respite therefrom, so affected all liands, or more properly speaking, all feet, of the Change family, that the little round box that is on the list of all law-abiding chiropodists became not only a household word, but a necessity. Unfortunately for the 106 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT Change family, about the time that little hard substance was in its glory, the not unheard-of occurrence in con- nection with all well-regulated elevator apartments took place. The elevator stopped running. As Mr. Change, with a cane in one hand and a box of ^^one-night" in the other, hobbled from the door of the apartment to the elevator and rang the bell, a voice came up the elevator shaft announcing the excruciating fact that "the elevator is not running." Mr. Change resolved then and there that if he ever rented another apartment it would be on the ground floor. Cane, corns and Change slowly wound their way down the seven flights of stairs. One of the elevator boys assisted Mr. Change to the waiting car. The most unpleasant incident during the occupancy of the apartment by the Change family was the sickness and death, from tuberculosis, of a young lady in an apartment across one of the courts. Some nights she slept on a cot near an open window and at other times in a tent on the roof. That hacking cough, resounding through the courts, came witli the breaking day, and at intervals continued throughout her waking hours. A leading physician of the city, and a loving and attentive family were near her at all times, yet slowly and gradually she passed away. How unfortunate it is that through choice or com- pelling circumstances those who are threatened with con- sumption remain in this city where life is a cause, not a cure, for that dreaded disease, when relief is within the length of their cable tow. In ^Ir. Change's class in the Columbia College Law School was a young man from Geneva, N. Y. Two of his brothers died from consumption. The family physician suggested, and his relatives implored him, to seek some other clime before he, too, was stricken. Following the TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS 107 suggestion he went to Denver, Colorado, staging it from Omaha. In the high altitude of the Rockies, the germ never developed. Today, at the age of 70, on behalf of clients he is trying to influence juries in the courts of Denver to bring in verdicts contrary to the facts. The baseball club in Brooklyn with whom Mr. Change in his boyhood days played short stop, had among its members a young man seemingly stricken with the white plague. Drawing his small stipend from a Williamsburg bank, he engaged passage on a boat for Portland, Maine, and then to the termiaal of one of the branches of the Maine Central Railroad and by stage twenty miles to a sporting camp in the dense woods of the Pine Tree State. There he met and became intimately acquainted with the owner of one of the extensive logging industries of the State and became the lumberman's right hand man, living on beans, molasses and ozone. Today he is part owner of one of the largest wood pulp plants in the State. Although he is vice-president of the company he spends his time in the yards throwing logs around as if they were tooth- picks. The graduating class of the preparatory school on the Hudson, whieli Miss Change attended, always gave a fair, the proceeds therefrom being devoted to sending some young woman afflicted with tuberculosis to a certain sanitarium in the Adirondacks. The young lady sent by the graduating class, of which Miss Change was a member, recovered her health in that high, healthy resort, and today is an assistant in the sanitarium. Every night on her bended knees she thanks the All-Seeing One and the Preparatory School for her escape from the most dreaded disease, with the possible exception of cancer, that afflicts the human race. 108 RENTING A FURNISHKI) APARTMENT The pale faces of little cliildren appearing at the windows of many of the apartments aronsed Mr. Change's sympathetic nature. He could onl}^ compare it with the Princes in the Tower in the days of Kichard tlie Third. How contrary to all laws of nature are the liyes of the little ones in those tall iron and concrete structures. The Sanitarium in the Adirondacks. Brought up on a bottle, so as not to interfere with the social engagements of its mother, turned oyer to ignorant nurses, nowhere to go except along tlie stony payement of the great city, unless it be some ])ark where the grass grows to l)e admired, dressed in line, uiKMniirorlablc toggery ])ro- hibiting frcM'dom of jiclion, and after an oul ingot an liour or two l)r()HgIi( l)aek lo llie - in the country, ''the poorer the family, the more dogs/' The more arist(K-ratic the New Taking- an Airing. York Oity apartment, the more canine ])ets you find therein. To those who own an apartment house doii, ''it is the sweetest little darlin,i>' on (^arth," but to the lessee who rented an aiiartment, not a doj^' kennel, it is different. The apartment house dog has a cinch. ITe takes precedent 110 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT over the children. When his time arrives for an airing, no ignorant nurse drags him around by the neck, but some member of the family willingly liolds the leash. In the apartment just beneath that of Mr. Change was a Pom- eranian dog. He slept with his '^missy," and every morn- ing about daybreak "the sweet little darling who wouldn't harm anybody,'' struck the "tuning up" time. If it had been a big St. Bernard, with the occasional basso bark, he would not have been a disturber, but not so with a con- tinuous high soprano. "How cruel it was for that naughty man on the floor above to complain about my little dar- ling." A fight between two bull dogs in an apartment elevator was one of Mr. Change's experiences. One morn- ing, as the elevator stopped at the seventli floor to take on Mr. Clmnge on its way down, it had as occupants, besides the operator, an elderl}- lady, a bull dog on one end of a leash and a woman on the other. At the sixth floor entered anotlier bull dog leashed and chaperoned, also by a woman. No sooner did the second dog enter the elevator than the two dogs sprang at each other, and as the fight i^rogressed they wound their leashes around the legs of the elderly lady, she losing her balance and falling to tlie floor. Mr. Change helped her to her feet while the owners grabbed their dogs and unwound the leashes. During the melee the East Indian elevator boy continued to operate the lift as if a dog fight was of daily occurrence. ^^BACK TO THE SOIL^' 111 CHAPTER IX A VERY necessary and important adjunct to an apart- ment house is the dumb-waiter. It is a delightful revelation in New York to discover a waiter where tipping is an un- known quantity. This particular waiter is not only dumb but also deaf. If it was otherwise, it would not long endure. The occupant of an apartment house for amusement need not seek vaudeville; all that is necessary is to open the door of the dumb-waiter and hearken. All the dialects of the Tower of Babel will greet you. You will hear the French maid on the top floor finding fault with the ice-man for ze smallness of ze cake of ice. The Israelite on the next floor will threaten to throw up his lease if he cannot be served first, last and all the time. The maid from the Emerald Isle on the next floor will be informing the butcher that his tough piece of meat spoilt the stew, and if he will come up there, she will knock his block off, be- gorrah. You will hear the bachelor in cultured English acquainting the janitor of the fact that the wine merchant assured him that the bottle of Burgundy was also in the case when delivered at the apartment. The colored maid on the third floor will be informing the laundryman that she will lose her position if tlie missing wearing apparel is much longer delayed. The German on the second floor will bewail the loss of his sauerkraut, and the man on 112 HKNTIXO A FT'RXISnKT) APARTMENT tlie groimd floor will be accnsi'd of purloiniiii; flie missiiii»- boffle of milk, yef tliroii^ii ii all tlu' ])oor waifcr with a rope around its neck is palieiilly pci-foniiiiiiLi its diitv wifli- ouf am^ lio])e of reward. It is doubtful if there is a buildin.u on Manhattan Island that some burglar has not visited while plying his %\h' Riv(a'si(le Drive, Grant's Tomb. j vooation, and many of them have had as many burglars as | tenants. The ])oliee tell us there are at least ten thousand j ex-convicts in the city all the time. How secure^ we f(Md i Avhen going home at night, and how delightful it is to 1 surmise that possibly your felloAv strap-hanger has daily marched to the tune of th(^ "lo<-k-step." AMicn Ml'. Change was a slock rancher on the plains, cc HACK TO THE SOU. lia it naturally required money to buy stock, so lie always carried a good sized "roll" and as rolls were usually sought after, a gun was a necesary side partner thereto, and as a gun is of little eonseiiuenee unless you know how to use The Cook Can Wave to the Cop. it, Mr. Change through practice became a marksman of no mean order. Having acquired the habit of having a gun nearlw, especially at night, Mr. Change kept one handy while sojourning in the furnislied apartment. 114 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT j From the head of the bed occupied by Mr. Change, ' one could see the bedroom windows of several of the apart- i ments across the way on the Riverside court. Often busi- ] ness affairs disturb one's slumber. One bright moonlit ; night about 2 A. M., as Mr. Change lay awake trying to solve a business problem of the coming day, he noticed a j rope hanging down from tlie roof of the apartment house i across the court. While lying there and wondering what • the rope was for, he saw a man with a pack on his back crawling out of the window of one of tlie apartments. The man took hold of the rope and swung himself and pack [ from the window sill and slowly, hand under hand, slid \ down the rope. Mr. Change knew it was a burglar and how to stop him was the question. Mr. Change could have : winged him had he chosen, but taking human life was not the business he was jjursuing. The fellow had slid down to ! about three stories from the ground when Mr. Change i concluded to try his markmanship on the rope. The second shot severed it and the burglar and his pack lay in a heap on the concrete floor of the court. Mr. Change was as \ innocent as any of the tenants and this narrative is the | first disclosure of who was the cause of the broken leg and dislocated shoulder of a certain burglar who was carted ; off to the hospital from Riverside Drive at One Hundredth ' Street on a bright December morn. He was not the only burglar on the beach. The cus- \ torn of tlie apartment was not to let any one go up unless ; they gave the "countersign," or, in other words, answered ^ a few questions propounded to him or lier by one of the : attendants. Tlie apartment house in New York is like the i shad nets in the Hudson, some fish are bound to slip ■ through. One rather disagreeable afternoon Mrs. and Miss ' ^^BACK TO THE SOIL-" 115 Change decided tliey would stay by their own fireside. A ring at the door and there stood a tall heavily-built man with iron gray hair. Throwing back the lapel of his coat and displaying a sliield, lie informed Mrs. Change that he was the gas inspector and was there to examine the gas jets to see if there were any leaks. He was admitted. He had such a pleasant face and was so far along in life that the ladies were not aware that one of tlie worst criminals in New York was in their apartment. :Mrs. Change in- formed him that they never used the gas only in the gas stove. When he informed the ladies that he had found a small leak in Mrs. Change's bedroom, she agreed with the inspector, remarking that she thought she had detected a slight odor of gas, something you can generally find in any New York apartment. Tlie '^inspector" lit all the gas jets, getting ]\lrs. Cliange, wliile he repaired the sup- posed leak in her room, to watch tlie meter dial and see if it moved, and stationed the daughter in the bath room to see if she could detect any flicker, and as Mr. Change remarked on his return, ^'I suppose if I had been here, he would had me gazing at some other gas fixture far removed from the scene of action." In a few moments the ''inspector" came out of the bedroom and informed the ladies that he had left some of his tools down at the vestibule but would be right back, and they better continue to watch the dial and the gas jet. Mrs. Change's Avatch and chain, a diamond brooch and two diamond rings, which were in one of the bureau drawers, left at the same time as the ''gas inspector." The only regret Mr. Change expressed Avas that he hadn-t turned his artillery on the other burglar instead of the rope. Among other literature poked under the little crack iir> RENTINC; A FURNISHED APARTMENT below the door was the annoimcemeut that the Woman's Political Union was taking a straw vote of the block to ascertain the views (►f the male inliabitants 1 hereof with regard to the question of ''Votes for Women/' The cir- Preferable as Voters to the Scum of Europe. cnlar requested tlie voter to write liis vieAVs on tlie en- | closed slip of paper and return tlie same in tlie enclosed ; envelope. As the envelope Avas stauipinl and addressed, the ; receiver could hardlv neglect to c()mi)ly. ^Ir. Change was ' 117 handed the request and as it was a matter he considered of serious import he wrote his views, as follows: ^^I believe that an educational and property qualifi- cation, especially the former, should determine the question of tlie elective franchise. It is unnecessary that the voter should speak a dozen languages or own a city block, yet the person should be able to read and write the English language and be a taxpayer. Any one complying with those qualitications and being a citizen of the United States and of proper age should have tlie priviledge of exercising tlie elective franchise, irrespective of sex, color or disposition. *'Mr. Change.'" Mr. Change while in Denver in the long ago had a narrow escape from losing his life in a hotel fire, having had to jump from the fourth floor into a fireman's net, and ever after when lie was located above the second floor he looked the situation over to see how to get out in case of fire. ^Ir. Change was a drummer boy in the Army of the Potomac and he never forgot what they used to tell about General McClellan. They said that ^'Little Mac" never went into a battle until he first figured out how he could retreat in case he got whipped, and Mr. Change always applied that story when he found himself looking out of a window far removed from the ground. Some days after the arrival of Mr. Change at the apartment, he made inquiries a la General McClellan. There were no outside fire-escapes on the apartment house. They always require them on fiat houses. For an explanation of this a wag in the police department said that the flat houses were occupied by the working peox)le and the apartments by the idle rich, and the authorities considered it more im- portant for the future of the reijublic to save the former than tlie latter. 118 RENTING A FURNISHED APART:MENT Mr. Change's first iuqiiiry was met with the reply, ^^This apartment is fire-proof, it cannot get afire. We don't require outside fire-escapes.'' Mr. Cliange had heard of the unsinkable ship going to the bottom and tlie un- loaded gun killing people, consequently lie classed the fire- proof building in the same category. They showed liim how easy it was to get down stairs or out on to the roof and so descend to adjoining buildings. Tliey claimed tlie elevator was fireproof with the rest, and tliat there were fireproof stairsi from one story to tlie other, that the coil of hose and nozzle was fireproof, that the superintendent was fireproof, and as they said about the worldly goods of Mrs. Murphy, ''and the pigs are Irish too.'- NotAvith- standing all this, Mr. diange never Avent to bed Avhile in the apartment Avithout thinking of tlu^ Avise precaution of the hero of Ant i eta m. The lease on the Change apartment exi)ired on iMarch first. As March first came on Sunday, the family intended to moAT back to their Long Island home on the preceding Saturday. A week before the expiration of the lease, Mrs. Change receiA^ed a call from their former serA^ants who said they AA'ere dissatisfied Avith their present positions and if she Avanted them to return to her employment they AA'ould be pleased to do so, to Avhich Mrs. Change gladly consented. The Friday night before the Saturday that the Change family intended to return to the Long Island home was occupied until midnight packing trunks and grips, and they all retired feeling happy that on the morrow they were to bid good-bye to what Mr. Change commenced to call ''the death house." About 2 A. M. the whole family Avere brought to their feet by the continuous ringing of the telephone, pounding on the door and an uproar in the inside court, and the smell of smoke in the BACK TO THE SOIL 119 apartment. Rushiug to tlie telephone, Mr. Change was informed that the apartment house was on fire and on account of the heat, the elevator was not running. Mr. Change opened the door, but on account of the smoke closed it, seeing there was no escape in tliat direction. The Change famil}- realized that it was impossible to reach or make an exit by the stairs or by the apartments front- They Risk Their Lives for Ours. iuir on the street. The onlv way they could be saved was from the windows opening into the Riverside Drive court. Mr. Change had commenced making a rope, so to speak, by tieing sheets togetlier, as the fire companies rushed into Riverside Drive. The firemen carried extension ladders into the court and as the fire had not reached that side of the building, the Change family, partially dressed, were 120 RENTING A FURNISHED APARTMENT carried down the ladders by the firemen, and through the kindness of the tenants of the opposite apartments were furnished with shelter and clothing. All the belongings of the Change family were lost. The Chauffeur took them to the Pennsylvania Terminal and as Mr. Change passed under the East River for his Long Island home he prayed that the roof of the tunnel would cave in and drown him if ever again he w^as doomed to rent a furnished apartment. THE END w i^l. ''When the Wildwood Was in Flower" This book is written in the same entertaiuiuu: § manner as the volume you have just read, and tells k of the fifteen years the author spent on the plains as a stockman, before and after the days of rail- roads. The author was a shipper of live stock to Cliicago before, during, and after the formation of tlie Beef Trust, and relates how he, with other stockmen, was driven out . of business by that gigantic combination. The book is printed on I specially made Avood-cut paper, from large type, and contains one hundred and twenty-five pages, I fully illustrated with forty half-tone pictures from 4 photographs, and bound in attractive cloth binding. Price one dollar. It can be secured at all bookstores, or it Avill ])e sent by mail, postpaid, upon receipt of i^rice, $1.00. Address all orders to J. S. OGILVIE PUBLISHING COMPANY Box 767 - - - 57 Rose Street, New York h[ 7TiitTrTirfT!iTT^ifrfiiTf^i?rrTirrtifr>iiTrrti^fT Ti ?f^ g The first literary effort by G. Smith Stanton, I Where the Sportsman Loves to Linger, g was pronounced by many of its readers to be one of g the most interesting of little volumes. Chief Justice g Fuller, of the United States Supreme Court, wrote Mr. § Stanton that it was "the most excellent and vivid %ft B brochure" he had ever read. The book describes the w g three most popular canoe trips in the State of Maine g — the Allagash, and the East and West Branches of g the Penobscot. The author tells most entertainingly g of his hunting and fishing experience, and also gives ^ plenty of information and advice useful to the reader, g as he takes him from New York City by the Maine g Steamship Company Line to Portland, thence through g the Maine woods, and brings him back to the city by the § Fall Kiver Line. The story is one of actual experiences, § and the author was fortunate to have as his companion § Dr. Hazelton, of Bangor, one of the best amateur ^ camera artists in the country, and the book contains % eighty half-tone pictures of the scenery and the wild ^ animals of the Maine woods. § The book is printed on specially made wood-cut ^ paper, from large type, contains one hundred and I « twenty-five pages, fully illustrated, and is bound in ^ ^ attractive cloth binding, with printed inset on the l » front cover. Price, one dollar. i ^ It can be secured at all bookstores, or it will be ) » sent by mail upon receipt of price, $1.00, | g I J, S. OQILVIE PUBLISHING COHPANY, I i BOX 767. 57 ROSE STREET, NEW YORK. ^ LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 221 818 5