(ins* Ju 64 
 
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 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 MEW YORK • BOSTON • CHICAGO - DALLAS 
 ATLANTA • SAN FRANCISCO 
 
 MACMILLAN & CO., Limited 
 
 LONDON • BOMBAY • CALCUTTA 
 MELBOURNE 
 
 THE MACMILLAN CO. OF CANADA, Ltd. 
 
 TORONTO 
 
JULIA C. STIMSON 
 
 From the photograph for her passport, May, 1917. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 The Letters of an American Army 
 
 Chief Nurse in a British 
 
 Hospital in France 
 
 y^BY 
 
 . v 
 
 JULIA C^STIMSON, M.A., R.N. 
 
 i 
 
 Chief Nubse, No. 12 (St. Loui8, U. S. A.) 
 General Hospital, B. E. F. 
 
 " Now God be thanked who has matched 
 us with His hour 
 And caught our youth, and wakened 
 us from sleeping." 
 
 — Rupert Brooke. 
 
 THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 1918 
 
 All rights reserved 
 

 Cofybmmt, 1818, 
 Bt THE MAOMILLAN COMPANY. 
 
 Set up and electrotyped. Published September, 19x8. 
 
 Nfltiaootj $ress 
 J. S. Cushing Co. — Berwick <fc Smith 0«. 
 ^ Norwood, Mass., U.S.A. 
 
 sep 25 iaia 
 
 /Vvv? \ 
 
TO ALL MY MAJOR* 
 
 WHOSE KIND HELPFULNESS 
 
 WAS NEVEE TAILING 
 
NOTE 
 
 These letters were written as the daily record 
 of the work of a Unit of Red Cross nurses who 
 were sent to France in May, 1917, in response 
 to the request of the British authorities. The 
 Unit, almost immediately after its arrival in Eng- 
 land, was sent across the Channel to take over a 
 British Base Hospital established on a race course, 
 where they have cared continuously for a stream 
 of from eight hundred to two thousand wounded 
 "Tommies" at a time. 
 
 The original sixty-five American nurses were as- 
 sisted for several months by English Volunteer 
 Aids, and when these were withdrawn, they were 
 reenforced with some thirty American nurses. 
 
 Though written with no thought of publica- 
 tion, as the war lengthens out, these letters have 
 become of especial value as the record of first 
 impressions and experiences which for those con- 
 cerned were startlingly new. Since then much has 
 been happening of tremendous significance both 
 to the participants and to the world, but the 
 events recorded here have not lost their interest, 
 
 vii 
 
viii NOTE 
 
 nor has their graphic character been blunted, 
 by recent occurrences. Hence, though the initial 
 purpose of printing these letters was to furnish 
 this group of women with a permanent story of 
 their devoted service, it has been suggested that 
 the letters have a much wider interest, and they 
 have therefore been given for publication by Miss 
 Stimson's family. 
 
 Henry A. Stimson 
 
 Pastor emeritus, Manhattan 
 Congregational Church. 
 New Yoke, June, 1013. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 St. Louis, May 4, 1917. 
 
 Dearest Mother and Dad : — 
 
 As you have probably seen by the papers, we 
 all are in the midst of alarms. We have had less 
 than a week's notice to get ready for mobilization 
 for service in France, and so it has been a rushing 
 week. Last Saturday afternoon we received word 
 we were likely to be called out soon — in two or 
 three weeks — but on Tuesday night I received 
 word to have the nurses ready by Saturday. It is 
 now Friday evening and most of the nurses are 
 ready, but it is quite certain we won't be leaving 
 for several days as the doctors' uniforms, for 
 instance, won't be ready till next Wednesday. I 
 am glad indeed for the extra time. The nurses 
 can take a very small steamer trunk and a suit- 
 case. As we apparently are to be sent abroad 
 "for the duration of the war" it is rather a puzzle 
 to know what to take. 
 
 Of course this order for foreign service is playing 
 havoc with the personnel of the Unit, so few 
 expected to be called for duty abroad. In fact 
 no one expected a call of this sort at all. I have 
 
% FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 been quite disgusted with the quitters who, for 
 one reason or another, have begged to be excused. 
 I have had about ten drop out, but I am find- 
 ing substitutes who I think will be much more 
 desirable than such weak-kneed individuals. But 
 every substitution means a great deal of work 
 and much telegraphing; for each name has to 
 be approved at Washington, and after physical 
 examinations are made here they also have again 
 to be approved at Washington. I have had a 
 number sent back for more complete details. I 
 am to have a detachment of Kansas City nurses 
 attached to my corps. Ten, and maybe more, 
 for there are to be sixty-five, and I had only fifty 
 in my original order and some of these have been 
 dropped or have had to fall out. Two whose names 
 I submitted I have had to drop by orders from 
 Washington because they were born in Germany. 
 So there is much to do, you see. 
 
 It is now Sunday, and we are going down to hear 
 Joffre speak if we can get into the Coliseum. He 
 and his staff are coming out to review the Unit 
 at the [Barnes] hospital to-morrow. I do hope 
 that by this time next Sunday we shall be on 
 our way, for waiting around after one is ready is 
 very trying, particularly when people of all sorts 
 are weeping farewells over you all the time. 
 Well, anyway, here is loads of love to you all. 
 We know it is the biggest opportunity of our lives. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 3 
 
 People are being wonderful and are rallying 
 around us splendidly. We are offered more help 
 than we can possibly use. It has been pretty 
 fatiguing but I am beginning to realize that I 
 can take things more slowly now. Naturally I 
 wanted to be as nearly ready with all my force 
 by Saturday as I possibly could be. You can 
 imagine the number of questions I have had to 
 make up answers for, that come to me every hour 
 of the day and night, not to mention all the details 
 I have to impress upon many people, those who 
 go, and those who stay. 
 
 But it is all wonderful beyond belief. I just 
 wish I had the words to express what I think 
 about this opportunity. Aside from what we 
 think about the causes and principles involved, 
 and the tremendous satisfaction of having a 
 chance to help work them out, to be in the front 
 ranks in this most dramatic event that ever was 
 staged, and to be in the first group of women ever 
 called out for duty with the United States Army, 
 and in the first part of the army ever sent off on 
 an expeditionary affair of this sort, is all too much 
 good fortune for any one person like me. The 
 responsibility of my big job of whipping into shape 
 a band of heterogeneously trained nurses and of 
 competing for loyalty and spirit with groups of 
 nurses from the East, and mostly all from one 
 school, seems almost an overwhelming job, but 
 
4 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 naturally I am going to do my very best. I have 
 some splendid women to help me in the executive 
 line, and although we do not know each other's 
 ways at all we will do what we can. As for the 
 men, we could not have a more splendid group to 
 work with. I shall have every possible help from 
 them. Personally I am feeling fine and oh, so 
 keyed up. I cannot ever be worthy of all the 
 honor and opportunities that have come to me, 
 not to mention all the happiness. It seems as if 
 my life has just overflowed with good things 
 and that I can never live long enough to put 
 back into the world all that has been given to 
 me. 
 
 My little nurses * are being so fine. The pres- 
 ent Senior class of thirty-two would have been my 
 first real class, the first I have taken all through, 
 and they are weeping around that I am not going 
 to be here to graduate them. But to-morrow 
 night after chapel I am to have a heart-to-heart 
 talk with them and I believe I can make them feel 
 better. 
 
 May 7 th, Marshal J off re presented the American 
 colors to the St. Louis Unit (U. S. Base Hospital) 
 No. 21 of Washington University at the Barnes 
 Hospital. 
 
 1 Miss Stimson was then superintendent of nurses and head of the 
 training school for nurses at Barnes Hospital, Washington Uni- 
 versity, St. Louis. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 5 
 
 May 16th, These colors were consecrated at the 
 Cathedral in a special service for the Unit. 
 
 May 17th, The Unit left St. Louis and sailed 
 from New York on Saturday the 19th. 
 
 On board ship. 
 May 21, Monday. 
 Dearest Family : — 
 
 If only all you dear people at home could know 
 how comfortable and happy we all are, you would 
 not worry the slightest bit about us. Of course 
 the danger is still here even if we don't notice it, 
 but everything is so serene it seems as though 
 it couldn't possibly touch us. The only time 
 that one can even imagine any danger is at night 
 when on the decks not a single particle of light 
 can be seen, except a dark purple glow at each 
 companion-way. All the portholes are fastened 
 shut and all the windows of the dining-saloon are 
 shut and shaded as soon as it begins to get dark. 
 The main hall, or whatever the place is called, 
 in the center of the boat where the main stairways 
 are, is also entirely dark, so that when the doors 
 to the deck are opened no light will shine out. 
 We are told that we are one of a group of boats 
 going out together although out of sight of each 
 other, and that when we get nearer the other 
 side we are to be convoyed by battleships. We 
 are getting wireless directions from cruisers now, 
 
6 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 but are not sending out any messages. We had 
 lifeboat drill this morning, with lifebelts on and 
 each person knows to exactly what boat he or she 
 is to go. At times like those drills there is noth- 
 ing but the greatest jolliness and cheerfulness. 
 In fact, all the time there seems to be nothing 
 but cheerfulness and eagerness to get to work. 
 I haven't even heard of any apprehensiveness 
 on the part of a single person. As one of my 
 nurses said in her slow drawly way: "There isn't 
 any use worrying about the submarines. If the 
 Germans are going to kill us, worrying isn't going 
 to prevent it. If the Germans do kill me, I'm 
 going to come back and haunt the whole German 
 army." 
 
 Everything has gone so very smoothly from the 
 very beginning, I really don't see how arrange- 
 ments could have been improved upon. Even 
 the one trunk that got left behind reached the 
 steamer in time, and the two nurses who were 
 to join us in New York turned up exactly as 
 scheduled and all the missing documents from the 
 War Department came before we left and as far 
 as I could tell, everybody had everything that 
 she ought to have. When the gangplank was 
 pulled up and I realized that not one of my 
 group could get lost for at least ten days, and 
 there were no more documents to expect by mail 
 and no more telegrams giving more instructions, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 7 
 
 it seemed as if a great load dropped off my shoul- 
 ders. It was a glorious day and the sail down the 
 harbor was wonderful. All kinds of boats tooted 
 and blew their whistles at us and people on ferry 
 boats waved and cheered us. Soon after lunch, 
 the few necessary room adjustments were made 
 and trunks were carried to the proper rooms. 
 Nurses had been assigned to rooms alphabetically, 
 but a few changes seemed to make everybody 
 happy. Some of the nurses are three in a room, 
 but quite a lot of them are only two in a room. 
 With the portholes screwed down there is no dif- 
 ference between the inside and the outside rooms. 
 The whole Pennsylvania Unit, Base Hospital 
 No. 10, is with us, going no one knows where, 
 any more than we do. They seem very nice 
 people, and the Chief Nurse is the Miss Dunlop 
 with whom I had been corresponding about 
 work at the American Ambulance. Miss Dunlop 
 was in charge of the nursing at the Ambulance 
 for some time and can give me lots of pointers 
 about foreign service. 
 
 When we reached the St. Paul that Friday 
 evening about 6, going directly from the train 
 to a ferry and from the ferry to the pier, we found 
 the other Unit on board. A committee from the 
 Red Cross was here giving out uniforms. It took 
 not much over an hour and a half before each 
 nurse had received all her things and was free 
 
8 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 to go. Each one was given caps and armbands, 
 a lovely soft cape lined with bright red flannel; 
 a soft dark blue felt hat, with hat pins, a heavy 
 dark brown blanket, a long heavy double-breasted, 
 dark blue military coat and a dark blue serge 
 dress. The whole equipment is excellent and 
 extremely good in quality and the fit was fine, 
 considering the way measurements had to be 
 sent. There was a box there addressed to every 
 single nurse, each one containing a dress and a 
 coat. The dresses are very good looking. They 
 have high standing collars with a little edging 
 of white at the top and an edging of white at the 
 cuffs. Extra edging was found in an envelope 
 attached to each dress. There is a pleat that 
 runs from each shoulder to the waist and a row 
 of big black buttons follows those pleats. There 
 is also a row of buttons up the outside of each 
 sleeve. At the waist there is a belt and a cloth- 
 covered buckle. The skirt has a pocket on each 
 side and has a panel back. The effect of the 
 whole outfit is very shipshape, though a little 
 somber. There is no distinguishing mark for 
 Chief Nurses, but Miss Noyes, the Chairman of 
 the Bureau of Nursing Service, who came on from 
 Washington to see us off, said she was going to 
 work out some sort of a method for distinguish- 
 ing the Chiefs and would let us know later what 
 it is to be. A great many of the nurses sent back 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 9 
 
 to their homes the heavy coats they had brought 
 for the steamer. I sent mine. 
 
 All the officers and the enlisted men are having 
 regular drill every day. I asked for some drill 
 for the nurses too, and we began yesterday, 
 greatly to the delight of every one, the spectators 
 as well as those participating. We have regular 
 setting-up exercises as well as some military 
 formations so that we can march in decency and 
 order when we have to. On shipboard standing 
 on one foot and raising the other knee is apt to 
 be accompanied with some merriment. And some 
 of our fat doctor officers have more or less diffi- 
 culty lying down flat on their stomachs and 
 getting up very fast. But by the end of the voyage 
 we all may be very proficient. At any rate it is 
 awfully good for the digestion. Speaking of diges- 
 tion, we are having excellent food and, as is al- 
 ways the way on a steamer, altogether too much 
 of it. The dining-saloon holds us all at one sitting, 
 which is pleasant. No. 10 takes up all of one side 
 and No. 21 the other and the few civilian passen- 
 gers sit in the middle. 
 
 I was assigned to a very good stateroom all 
 by myself. Then yesterday the purser moved 
 me into a still larger and better room, where I 
 have a table and a droplight, which is more lux- 
 ury than I ever traveled with before. People are 
 all so good to us. Even the stewards and the 
 
10 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 stewardesses, most of whom are English, seem to 
 be only too glad to do what they can to make 
 us all comfortable. There have been a few sea- 
 sick nurses, which is hard to explain, as the weather 
 has been perfect and the ocean very smooth. 
 To-day there is a slight roll, but not enough to 
 notice. Every day there is target practice with 
 the guns. Empty barrels are thrown overboard 
 and the gun crews shoot at them with the big 
 guns that are on the forward and after decks. 
 
 Evening prayers are held every evening at 
 9.30, and yesterday we had church service and 
 had all the enlisted men up. Our [Chaplain] 
 Dean Davis is a real man. We got a choir together 
 yesterday and last evening had some fancy sing- 
 ing, which an overly critical person might call 
 bellowing. It is a mixed choir and it certainly 
 can sing. Now it is time I studied some French, 
 
 Friday afternoon, May 25. 
 
 Since I last wrote we have had some real weather, 
 and such a lot of sick people ! Doctors as well as 
 nurses succumbed; and great was the misery. 
 To-day it is bright and sunny again and not so 
 cold, and everybody is recovering. It was up 
 along the Banks and opposite Labrador, I guess, 
 where it was the worst. It was cold and rainy 
 and really very rough, so much so that we had 
 to have the racks on the tables. I have not been 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 11 
 
 sick a minute myself, but there was one day when 
 I was not much interested in eating. Still I did 
 not miss a single meal. 
 
 It is a heavenly day to-day. We are already 
 in or near the danger zone and extra precautions 
 are being taken. It all seems so queer. To-night 
 we are not to undress, and the few nurses who 
 are on the deck below this one, where most of 
 them are, are to sleep to-night in the doctor-offi- 
 cers' rooms on the upper deck and the latter are 
 to sleep in the sitting-rooms. There has been 
 some special target practice when no passengers 
 were allowed on deck, and there was an elaborate 
 boat drill this afternoon. It is all strange business 
 and still most incomprehensible to me. I still 
 feel as if I were dreaming and that in a few min- 
 utes I would wake up. We are due to land Sun- 
 day afternoon at Liverpool, it seems, and are 
 scheduled to go to London. But after that all 
 is shrouded in mystery. My crowd of nurses are 
 fine and have been behaving splendidly. Com- 
 paring them to the Philadelphia bunch I feel 
 that I have no reason to be ashamed of them or 
 to fear for what they are going to do. They have 
 all shown a splendid spirit and seem to be full 
 of enthusiasm and eagerness to show what Mis- 
 souri can do when it tries. I feel perfectly sure 
 they are going to be a loyal, hard-working 
 group. 
 
12 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 All the nice things that people sent to eat and 
 read have been greatly appreciated. I was just 
 swamped with nice things, but there have been 
 lots of people to enjoy them with me. I have 
 slept and slept and read and read and shall be in 
 fine shape when we land. I was pretty tired when 
 we started and was not sleeping as I should because 
 of the multiplicity of details that were on my mind. 
 Except for the sick nurses the responsibility has 
 let up a lot here on the boat, but will of course 
 begin again when we land. My Squad Leaders 
 have proved most efficient. Miss Dunlop of No. 
 10 and I have had some very nice talks. I shall 
 be sorry to lose her advice and assistance when 
 we go our separate ways. She is considerably 
 older than I am and much more experienced. 
 For destinations there are rumors of Mesopotamia, 
 Saloniki, Russia, England, and the North of 
 France. Take your choice. It's a great game to 
 be traveling thousands of miles and not know 
 where you are going, nor how long you are going 
 to stay, nor really what you are going to do when 
 you get there. We may even be in camp some- 
 where. All the camp equipment is with us. Well, 
 I like the game anyway. 
 
 Last night all my dear little nurses [in St. Louis] 
 were having their graduation exercises without 
 me. I hope they got the little speech I sent them, 
 poor as it was. We were thinking of them. One 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 13 
 
 of the men at our table is keeping one of his watches 
 at St. Louis time, so at every meal we discuss what 
 is going on in St. Louis. 
 
 When this letter reaches you, you will know 
 that everything is well with us. You will know 
 that before then, come to think of it. For it will 
 take a long time for letters to get back to the 
 U. S. A. It is going to be ages before we shall 
 receive letters from you, worse luck. 
 
 I have enjoyed Elsie's ginger and her book 
 ever so much and Mother's wonderful Dean box 
 is going to continue to be a delight for a long time. 
 I am going to try to take the box along for eats, 
 and to keep it for that. I am not sure yet just 
 how much luggage I can manage and I seem to 
 have accumulated a good deal more than I started 
 with. The Ever Warm Safety Suit is awfully 
 nice to have. I trust I shall not have to use it,i 
 but it is nice to have around anyway. There are 
 several of them on the boat. 
 
 This letter can be kept just for the family. 
 I am writing others to St. Louis. I do hope Philip * 
 will be coming along over soon and that it won't 
 take long to find out where he is. 
 
 Don't you worry about me one least little bit. I 
 am having the time of my life and wouldn't 
 have missed it for anything in the world. 
 
 Good-by for now. I hope all your summer 
 
 1 Her younger brother, a doctor. 
 
14 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 plans will work out smoothly and happily for 
 
 you all. 
 
 Lovingly 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Sat. May 26. — First night in danger zone 
 safely passed and everything O.K. My bunch 
 all went to bed and slept finely. 
 
 Liverpool, The Adelphi Hotel. 
 
 Monday, May 29, 1917. 
 Dearest Family : — 
 
 I do not know how I am ever going to manage 
 to write down all the things I am learning and 
 all the wonderful impressions that are beginning 
 to crowd upon me. But I feel as though I could 
 not bear to lose them ; and so many new ones will 
 come every day, I surely will lose them if I don't 
 write them down at once. 
 
 We arrived last evening but did not dock until 
 this a.m. at 7.30. We were met by a Colonel B., 
 who said he came to welcome us in the name of 
 the Director-General and the King. He was an 
 extremely affable old tall thin boy in a much- 
 decorated uniform and a swagger stick. He told 
 us we were to stay in Liverpool 24 hours, the 
 nurses at the Adelphi and the doctors at the 
 Northwestern, and that to-morrow at 11 we are 
 to be conducted to London, to stay there at the 
 Waldorf Hotel four or Hve days, and then to be 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 15 
 
 sent to France. He said the Cleveland Unit had 
 already been sent over, the Boston one was to 
 go to-day, and the New York one Wednesday. 
 The Philadelphia Unit and we are to stay together 
 as far as London, but will be sent to separate 
 destinations. We know where we are to go, 
 but if I should tell you now the censor would cut 
 it out. We can tell you later, not before. Any- 
 way we are delighted, for we are to have lots of 
 work, and mighty hard work too. We have been 
 told considerable details about what we are to 
 do, but I shall have to wait before I can tell you 
 about it all. 
 
 We reached the hotel about 11 and were as- 
 signed to rooms with the greatest dispatch and 
 courtesy. I have a most luxurious room and 
 bath. After lunch I gave some directions to the 
 squad leaders x about letting the nurses do what 
 they wanted the rest of the day, in parties not 
 larger than four, etc., in order not to be conspicu- 
 ous, and then I came upstairs to sit down in quiet 
 and read the paper and rest. I took a nice little 
 nap and had a perfectly good bath, and a little 
 before five was telephoned to that Miss Dunlop, 
 the Chief Nurse of No. 10, and a Colonel J. wished 
 me to come down to tea. I went on down and 
 found Miss D., Colonel B., and Colonel J. in the 
 
 1 Miss Stimson had organized her nurses, for convenience of 
 direction, into squads of eight for the journey, each with its leader. 
 
16 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 lounge, which was filled with a gay crowd of 
 people having tea and listening to the orchestra. 
 There were lots of uniforms, and many limping, 
 bandaged soldiers, and I had my first heartache 
 over the one-legged young officers. 
 
 Pretty soon Colonel J., who is the English mem- 
 ber of the R. A. M. C. (Royal Army Medical 
 Corps) who is to escort us nurses to London 
 to-morrow, went and brought over to our table a 
 friend of his, a Major F., also R. A. M. C. This 
 last man was a lean, hollow-eyed man of about 
 40, who pretty soon got talking, and for the next 
 hour I heard such tales as I hardly ever thought 
 could be true. He had been a German prisoner 
 of war for eleven months. On the way to the prison 
 camp he had been kept in a railway carriage 
 without food or water for three days. At Ger- 
 man towns through which the train passed and 
 where they always stopped, he said it frequently 
 happened that women in Red Cross uniforms 
 came to the stations and offered the prisoners 
 cups of tea or milk and held them to their lips, 
 only to snatch them away again and jeer and 
 call them "schweinhund." He told of the treat- 
 ment in the camps, where the prisoners in the 
 dead of winter had only the rags of their uniforms 
 to wear, their great coats had been taken away 
 from them, and they slept on sacks of straw with- 
 out even a tent or any kind of a roof over them. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 17 
 
 He said he saw men die at the rate of seven a 
 day from starvation. He said he never in all 
 his hospital experience has seen such emaciation 
 from either cancer or tuberculosis as he saw among 
 the prisoners there who were starving. He saw 
 men kiss the shoes of their guards and beg like 
 babies for bread. Not the British Tommies but 
 some of the other prisoners did this. The men 
 had no opportunity to wash and no soap. Their 
 beards and hair hung down to their waists and 
 were alive with lice. He was in several different 
 prison camps. The final one was one where he 
 was sent as a punishment for writing a letter 
 of protest to the American Ambassador. The 
 letter was never delivered, and he was sent to a 
 camp where he was the only British person among 
 thousands of Russians. He had complained be- 
 cause parcels sent to prisoners by their friends 
 were not delivered to them but were allowed to 
 rot and mildew and be eaten by rats. He was 
 exchanged after eleven months' torture, he called 
 it, in January, 1916. He himself had dysentery 
 and scurvy but not typhus. After he recov- 
 ered he was put in charge of a hospital ship, 
 which was recently torpedoed. Of the 600 sick 
 and wounded that he had on board he lost 
 only 27. 
 
 He told of a hospital ship crossing the Channel 
 just behind his ship on one trip within 500 yards 
 
18 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 of his ship and of its striking a"mine. There were 
 no wounded on board at the time, but 12 nurses 
 and officers and crew. One of the destroyers 
 which was convoying his ship went to the rescue 
 and got alongside the sinking hospital ship and 
 a little French trawler also got alongside. Nine 
 of the 12 nurses and the men all jumped and landed 
 on the destroyer, but no sooner were they on that 
 boat than it also struck a mine and was blown to 
 atoms, and everybody on it and on the trawler 
 was blown to bits. The three nurses who were 
 in the water were picked up by Major F — 's 
 boat. He is here in Liverpool fitting up another 
 hospital ship and will probably be ordered East 
 again to bring back more wounded. 
 
 He asked if Miss Dunlop and I would like to 
 see his ship. Would we ? We got our coats in a 
 jiffy and flew off with him in a taxi to one of the 
 docks quite a way off. His boat is a big ship that 
 was a passenger ship between here and South 
 America. He has taken out the cabins and made 
 big wards and has accommodations for 800 sick 
 or wounded men. I never saw anything so cleverly 
 done as the way he is making over that ship. 
 He has a splendid operating room, an X-Ray 
 complete equipment, a steam laundry, and abso- 
 lutely everything that a modern big city hospital 
 has. It will be ready to sail, he said, in ten days, 
 although to us there seemed to be an enormous 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 19 
 
 amount yet to do. They no longer have women 
 nurses on the hospital ships. 
 
 We came back from the dock by an "overhead" 
 tram and got here about eight o'clock, although 
 it was as light as four o'clock. Miss Dunlop and 
 I then went to dinner together. Ruth Cobb and 
 Rachel Watkins (our nice dietitian) spent the 
 afternoon in Chester and had a wonderful time, 
 they said. People are so wonderfully nice. The 
 kids on the street salute us, and people come up 
 and ask if we aren't American nurses and if 
 they can't do something for us, and take nurses 
 to tea and put them on the proper trams and show 
 them all sorts of courtesies. 
 
 I had just come in to start to write, about nine 
 o'clock, when Major Murphy * was announced, 
 and I went down to see him. He had called to see 
 if there was anything he could do for us and to 
 find out if we were all right. They are so consid- 
 erate and good to us. I told him of our wonderful 
 experience this afternoon, and just then Colonel 
 J. and Major F. hove in sight and as I wanted Dr. 
 Murphy to hear some of Major F — 's tales I 
 introduced him, and soon left them, to come up 
 here and write. 
 
 It is now almost eleven and Miss Dunlop has 
 been in to tell me the latest instructions she has 
 received from her Majors. We always have to 
 
 1 Director of the Unit. 
 
20 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 compare instructions and see which of us knows 
 the most about what is going to happen. If we 
 have the same experiences as the nurses of the 
 two previous Units, we are to be much feted in 
 London, and are to be reviewed by the Queen. 
 We have been trying desperately hard on ship- 
 board to learn how to march and keep step and 
 to right about face without falling over ourselves, 
 but I fear we won't be much on looks when it 
 comes to being reviewed. I trust we are not ex- 
 pected to curtsy. And now I must hustle to bed, 
 for to-morrow will be an exciting day. Good 
 night and so much love to you all. If only you 
 were all having this wonderful experience with 
 me nothing more could be desired. 
 
 J. 
 
 Wednesday, June 6, 1917. 
 Dearest Family : — 
 
 I have not written since that day in Liverpool, 
 and now we have been ten days in London. If 
 only I had the ability to write what we have seen 
 and what we have felt. The contrasts have been 
 so great some of us have almost lost our mental 
 equilibrium. We are feted and cheered and taken 
 from one entertainment to another and made 
 much of by people of every class ; and then be- 
 tween such social affairs we visit hospitals, mili- 
 tary hospitals, because it is necessary for us to 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 21 
 
 see how such hospitals are run. First we see 1700 
 men, young men with faces or arms or legs blown 
 off, and then we go to a tea at a fancy club ; next 
 we see 500 blinded men fighting their way back 
 into normal life by learning various occupations, 
 then we are taken in a body to the silliest musical 
 comedy that was ever staged. Again we see 
 thousands of crippled soldiers brought out to 
 see the King give decorations to 350 heroes and 
 heroines, soldiers and nurses, or "the next of 
 kin" all in black, and we nearly choke when a 
 blinded officer is led up to the King by his orderly 
 who directs his every move, and lame men go 
 hobbling up to receive their medals, and we 
 watch the King use his left hand to shake hands 
 with one man, because the man's right arm is 
 gone, and then we go to St. Paul's and see the 
 Stars and Stripes carried up to the altar with 
 the 64 British flags to be blessed at an "Empire 
 day" service, while thousands and thousands of 
 people sing "O God, our help in ages past." 
 
 Do you wonder that our emotions are wearing 
 us to a frazzle? It is not only feminine emotions 
 that are affected, because there are those of our 
 directors who said they could not go to St. Dun- 
 stan's (the hospital school for blind soldiers) 
 because they would not be able to sleep for 
 nights afterwards. It is a mistake not to see such 
 a wonderful place, however. There never was a 
 
22 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 more cheerful, hopeful place in the world. Sir 
 Arthur Pearson, the blind man who runs the place 
 and is its inspiration, is doing the kind of recon- 
 structing of lives that probably has no parallel 
 in the world. He is having the men taught not 
 just the trades and occupations that blind men 
 are taught in other places, but all sorts of things. 
 We saw men learning anatomy, who after a year's 
 most strenuous training will be certificated mas- 
 seurs. They take the regular examinations that 
 the sighted people take and get excellent marks, 
 and always get positions. There were men learn- 
 ing cobbling and carpentry, and chicken-farming 
 and shorthand and typewriting and matmaking 
 and weaving and basketry. The whole place 
 was full of whistling, singing men who were going 
 about their business as though they were like 
 everybody else in the world instead of in total 
 darkness forever. There were 500 of these men. 
 
 People tell me that English men and women 
 have passed the emotional stage and have now 
 settled down to work without the waste of riotous 
 emotions and bursting feelings. It must be so 
 or they would be dead, and they could not be doing 
 the wonderful "war work" that each one of them 
 is engaged in. From the highest to the lowest 
 each woman has her work, her nursing, her pre- 
 paring vegetables in hospitals (as Mrs. Waldorf 
 Astor's sister was doing), her making of supplies, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 23 
 
 her managing a hospital in a private house, her 
 organizing "hostels" for nurses, raising funds, 
 everything that one can conceive of as a job 
 for women is being done, as never before. Of 
 course the street-sweeping by women is a kind of 
 war work, and the bus conductoring, and deliver- 
 ing mail and telegrams, and driving cars and am- 
 bulances. The streets are full of women in uni- 
 forms of all sorts, all smart and business-like. 
 Women in England are coming into their own. 
 What is to happen after the war when the men 
 come back can well fill the minds of those who are 
 given to prophesy changes, for a change is tak- 
 ing place here that can never be undone. In addi- 
 tion to women taking a new place in the working 
 world, class distinctions are being broken down 
 in a way that is making itself felt to those who 
 a few years ago could never have dreamt that 
 such a change was possible. A few days ago 
 Miss Dunlop and I were lunching with a Lady H. 
 on Carlton House Terrace, overlooking St. James 
 Park. In front of her house is the famous Crimean 
 monument, flanked on one side by the beautiful 
 statue of Florence Nightingale and on the other 
 side by a statue of the father of the husband of 
 our hostess. In the course of the talk at the 
 luncheon, which was most informal and frugal, 
 the conversation turned to the most-talked-of 
 subject at meals nowadays, her "work," and Mrs. 
 
24 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 A., who has a thousand-bed hospital on her 
 grounds at C. and who spends almost her entire 
 time in the wards, not nursing but talking and 
 cheering the men up, said the men don't know 
 it, but they are giving us far more than we are giv- 
 ing them, and Lady H. replied : "Our whole out- 
 look is changing. Take, for instance, us here to-day. 
 A short while ago you (meaning Miss D. and me) 
 and we (meaning Mrs. A., Sir Harry L., the other 
 guest, an elderly man who had recently lost his 
 only son, and herself) would have had nothing 
 in common, and now we have everything in the 
 world." This was said most simply and sincerely 
 and was what she really felt. 
 
 I can't tell you the number of people who have 
 given us this same impression, and I can't begin 
 to tell you how they all have tried to express to 
 us what they think about our coming over to help 
 them. Many individuals have talked to us sepa- 
 rately with tears in their eyes and the warmest 
 handshakes, and we have had speeches made to us 
 in theaters by actresses and managers, who have 
 led the whole audience in cheers. We have been 
 stopped constantly on the streets by people who 
 have asked us if we were not some of the "Ameri- 
 can Sisters" and wasn't there some way in which 
 they could express to us their appreciation of 
 what we had come to do. Could they not take 
 us to their homes and give us tea, and could they 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 25 
 
 not come to our hotel and take us out in groups 
 to sightsee, and could they not send us tickets 
 to this or that, and could they not make special 
 arrangements to have Towers of London, and the 
 Zoological Gardens and Lambeth Palaces and 
 Houses of Parliament and such little things 
 opened for us at unusual hours? We have been 
 literally swamped with kindnesses. One officer 
 has made himself almost a nuisance by giving us 
 theater tickets for every single night and has 
 been so insistent that every single nurse should 
 go out to see something every night that we have 
 come to dread his daily telephone calls or visits. 
 Mrs. Page had a reception for us and Mrs. White- 
 law Reid, and the Archbishop of Canterbury 
 asked us to tea, and we spent a wonderful after- 
 noon at Cliveden, and Sir Thomas Lipton sent 
 us all chocolates and invited some of us to motor 
 out to his place. The Royal Overseas Officers Club 
 gave a reception for us, the American Woman's 
 Club opened its doors to us. We have been sent 
 choir seats at St. Paul's for special services and 
 special tickets to the Royal Investiture, and there 
 have been a number of other things which lords and 
 ladies of high degree have asked us to in greater 
 or lesser groups. 
 
 To-morrow there is luncheon for me at Lady 
 P.'s (a St. Louis woman whose sister I know), then 
 a motor ride to somewhere on the Thames to see 
 
26 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 a hospital where the nursing is done by New 
 Zealand women. In the evening there is dinner 
 for Miss D. and me with Mrs. F., the editor of 
 the British Journal of Nursing, and after that 
 I hope to get out to Elizabeth M.'s to spend the 
 night, as I am afraid that will be my last chance 
 to see her, as we are due to leave Saturday the 
 9th. I spent a most beautiful Sunday with her 
 last Sunday, going to church with her in the morn- 
 ing and just sitting and talking with her most 
 of the afternoon. She has two splendid boys, 
 Jim just four and John about 18 months. Jim, 
 Sr., is doing three men's work, it would seem, on 
 the go from early morning till 10 or 11 at night. 
 E. seems very well. She is this year most sensibly 
 putting all her time into taking care of her men 
 folks large and small. I had a little call this after- 
 noon on Lady H.-H., and found her most lovely 
 to look at and charming. We had such a nice 
 talk and wasted no time on preliminaries. I am 
 going to a special service with her in the morning 
 at Westminster Abbey in St. Faith's Chapel. 
 My nurses are all pawing the ground, they are so 
 
 eager to get to work. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Extract from letter from Lady H.-H. to Mrs. 
 L. in New York : — 
 "Thank you for sending me a letter by your 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 27 
 
 most interesting and delightful niece. I wish I 
 might have seen more of her and her wonderful 
 contingent of nurses. I went to the Waldorf 
 Hotel to talk to them all at 8 : 30 on Friday night. 
 I can't tell you what I said, but they seemed 
 satisfied and I felt that it drew me nearer to you 
 and your wonderful nation, and I wish it were 
 possible to come to you and help you bear the 
 heavy cross and suspense and anxiety. I know 
 every step of the way and what it means, the 
 long, weary march on the road of sorrow. But 
 now God has let me see the glory and the triumph 
 of it all, and I am no longer afraid." 
 
 France, Monday, June 11, 1917. 
 Dearest Daddy and Mother 
 and all of you : — 
 We have at last arrived ! I wish I could tell you 
 where, but I can't. This much I believe I can say, 
 that it is on the outskirts of a large city, a beauti- 
 ful old city. Our particular hospital is on a race 
 course, which looks now like a vast circus estab- 
 lishment or a county fair, for it is covered with 
 rows and rows of canvas tents, each of which holds 
 about 14 beds. All around the edge are lovely 
 thick trees, sycamores and locust they seem to 
 be, under which are small conical tents, small 
 single-room shacks of canvas and paper, and 
 long, single-story "huts," as they are called. 
 
28 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 These huts are made of thin wood and roofed 
 with tarred paper and are divided into single 
 cubicles, the whole hut accommodating about 
 16 or 18 people. This part that I am describing 
 is the nurses' corner of the paddock. It is really 
 very beautiful, for the grass and hedges and trees 
 are so green, and along the walks are little flower- 
 beds, and pansies and geraniums and roses are 
 all in bloom. If one looked only at this corner 
 of the huge place, one might imagine oneself in 
 some summer camp at home. But just a few 
 hundred yards away are those scores of tents 
 full of wounded, and every night more are brought 
 in and others are sent away. This of course is the 
 most beautiful time of year. The trees are full 
 of birds, who chirp and sing all day long. And 
 every few minutes along the road on the other 
 side of our hedge troops go marching by. Some 
 have bands and some whistle their marching tunes, 
 but all march on and on. There are any number 
 of hospital establishments like this all around 
 here, and also thousands of troops of all sorts 
 are in camp near. We got just a little glimpse 
 of the situation as we were driven out here in 
 huge motor ambulances from the station. 
 
 We have not as yet gone over the hospital 
 proper, for our luggage has not come and we have 
 only our street uniforms, and the "Matron" says 
 it is not wise for us to go into the hospital tent 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 29 
 
 until we have our wash clothes. For the last two 
 nights we have not had even our hand bags. 
 When they come, they will be welcome. The lack 
 of tooth brushes is our only serious lack. It is 
 surprising how quickly one can accustom oneself 
 to get along without frills like wash cloths and 
 night-dresses ! And as for new titles, I already 
 no longer turn a hair when I am introduced as 
 " Matron " Stimson. My bad and disrespectful chil- 
 dren come to me all the time and say "Matron," 
 may I do this or that ? That is the way the Eng- 
 lish sisters address their Chief Nurse. As we all 
 arrived before we were expected my nurses have 
 not been assigned to their regular rooms yet. 
 Last night they all slept in some of the large hospi- 
 tal tents that were empty. My place was got 
 ready for me and is most attractive. I have two 
 shutoff rooms at the end of one of the "huts." 
 The whole width of the hut is 15 ft. The depth 
 of my rooms is 11 ft. And there is a partition 
 about 7 ft. high which cuts off my bedroom which 
 is 6 ft. wide, leaving 9 ft., the width of the sitting- 
 room. I will draw a kind of plan on the other side 
 for those who are interested in the details. It is 
 all unpainted, but, just think, there is an electric 
 light in each room. That is far more luxury than 
 I ever dreamed of. The furniture is of the simplest, 
 but quite sufficient. I think the things that are 
 in here now are to be taken away when the Eng- 
 
30 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 lish sisters go, and our own equipment is to re- 
 place it. There are two casement windows in the 
 sitting-room, and one in the bedroom. There are 
 plain white curtains at them all, and there are 
 small matting rugs on the floor. So you can see 
 I am going to be most comfortable. There is a 
 mess "hut," where all the nurses eat, and eat 
 very comfortably and well, we have already dis- 
 covered. All we want now is work to do, and we 
 can see that coming, enough to satisfy the most 
 energetic and ambitious of our number. The 
 nurses are all off wandering around this morning. 
 Some have gone to the city and some are taking 
 walks along the country roads. The roads are so 
 full of soldiers, some of whom wear turbans 
 and carry scimitars, that they feel a little strange 
 and out of place, but that feeling is likely to wear 
 off soon. We hope that our things and our officers 
 will arrive soon, but there is no telling. 
 
 Now I must go back and tell you what I can 
 of our crossing. Our last few days in London were 
 like the first, chock full. I was particularly busy 
 in helping make arrangements for sending one 
 of our nurses home. It was a very sad and hard 
 thing to have happened to the poor thing, and it 
 was absolutely not her fault in any way but 
 merely a technicality. When we were getting our 
 passports at the American Embassy in London, 
 those born in England had to go to the British Em- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 31 
 
 bassy. Mrs. S. went with the others, and in an- 
 swer to their question explained that many years 
 ago she had married a German, but that ten years 
 ago she divorced him. He married again and 
 later died. But according to British law she is a 
 German subject, because she married a German. 
 So they refused to let her go to France and she 
 had to be sent back to the States. Rather hard 
 on her? She took it splendidly and waved us off 
 from the Waterloo Station on Saturday in the 
 bravest way. 
 
 Both the Philadelphia Unit and ours left to- 
 gether on a special train for Southampton. It 
 is something of a trick to get 120 women into 
 busses and on trains, and all their baggage too. 
 But we have got it down to a pretty good system. 
 Our eight squad leaders each pass on orders to 
 their subleaders, then they each find the three 
 people that belong to them and they are entirely 
 responsible for them, and all I have to do is to 
 ask the eight squad leaders if all of their groups 
 are ready. The scheme has worked beautifully. 
 Yesterday at noon on the boat we had an unex- 
 pected order to be ready to disembark at once. 
 And the whole 64 were lined up in squads inside 
 of three minutes. We started out from Southamp- 
 ton in a tender, but were transferred to a large 
 hospital ship. We were wonderfully taken care 
 of on board of her, as we have been on all our 
 
32 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 travels. They gave us an excellent dinner, and 
 gave over to our use, large wards. So each nurse 
 had a comfortable bed for the night. It was on 
 the hospital ship that we got separated from our 
 bags. They had been brought in "lorries" from 
 the hotel, then put in luggage vans on the train, 
 then transferred to the tender and then to the 
 hold of the hospital ship. We had not known we 
 were going to spend the night on the ship. You 
 see we never know anything in advance for more 
 than a few minutes. It was one of the most beauti- 
 ful e.venings I have ever seen. We got off in the 
 big ship about seven, but the sunset wasn't really 
 over until nearly ten. We were preceded by a 
 destroyer and followed by one, and flying all 
 around were aeroplanes. Sometimes we could 
 see as many as ten or twelve. We were told that 
 during the evening our destroyer in front rammed 
 a submarine and stove in her own bow and had 
 to be replaced by another, but other than that 
 there was no excitement of any sort. About ten 
 thirty I had all of my flock tucked in, with their 
 dresses and shoes off and life belts handy. There 
 wasn't an awful lot of sleeping done because at 
 four we entered the harbor of Havre with much 
 blowing of whistles, as it was raining and misty 
 by that time. After breakfast we hung around 
 on the boat, watching the unloading of the luggage 
 and the separation of the belongings of the two 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 33 
 
 Units. We also watched the taking on board 
 of some trainloads of wounded soldiers who were 
 being taken back to "Blighty." That is what 
 they call England. The Sisters here say that what 
 they want most of all is their "Blighty tickets." 
 Just at 12, when we were about to go to lunch, 
 we received word to get off the boat at once 
 and get into motor ambulances which would take 
 us to a station, where we were to take a train for 
 about a three hours' ride. So with a hasty farewell 
 to our friends of No. 10 we went off in the rain. 
 We were pretty hungry and tired when we arrived 
 at our city, but before the big motor ambulances 
 came for us we had time to go to a pleasant little 
 cafe garden and have high tea. Bread and butter, 
 cold meat, and tea set us up immediately and we 
 all felt like new women when we set off on our 
 four-mile drive. Captain Allison and Chaplain 
 Davis had been ordered to accompany us in our 
 hasty departure, so they are the only officers of 
 our Unit who are here with us. We have just 
 heard that our things are to arrive this afternoon. 
 We are all just hanging around, that is why I 
 have so much time to write. "Matron" said 
 she would just carry on in the usual way and 
 later she would show me what I am to do. The 
 first thing we have to do is to find out how to do 
 things in the English way, particularly the records. 
 Then later the English sisters are to be with- 
 
34 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 drawn, we understand. We have not nearly enough 
 nurses for this hospital, so some of the "V. A. D.'s" 
 are to be left until we receive reinforcements 
 from America. The "V. A. D.'s" are like our 
 Nurse's Aids, Voluntary Aid Detachments. They 
 have apparently done wonderful things during 
 this war. They have no regular training, but 
 after one or two years of active service they have 
 many of them become very proficient. Here 
 we find them doing all sorts of things. Some are 
 in the tent wards, and some are detailed for mess 
 duty and take entire care of the mess hut and 
 the meals. In a New Zealand hospital that we 
 visited there were five of the nicest "V. A. D.'s" 
 doing all the cooking for 400 patients. They were 
 women of maturity and position at home, who had 
 come on from New Zealand at the request of the 
 Matron in Chief and were serving entirely with- 
 out pay and doing wonderful work. Their hut 
 kitchen was the best -looking kitchen we had seen 
 anywhere. We are told here that word has been 
 sent back to the States that we need more help. 
 I should like 65 more Red Cross nurses from St. 
 Louis, or if I can't have them, 65 of the Nurse's 
 Aids that we trained. They would certainly find 
 here a sufficient outlet for their energies. They 
 could be of the greatest help, and on the whole 
 I do not know but that I should rather have the 
 Aids that I know than a lot of trained nurses 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 35 
 
 that I do not know. If Miss Bridge can get this 
 word on to Miss Noyes, I hope she will. Our 
 nurses' aids' blue uniforms and aprons would be 
 excellent, but they would need some kind of a 
 cap, I think, and certainly a traveling or outdoor 
 uniform. 
 
 I think our equipment is going to be fine. 
 Rubber hats and rubber boots may be needed 
 later, but we can get them very easily, I think, by 
 sending to London, or possibly in the city here. 
 I got a dandy rubber hat, in London. I am not 
 to wear my white uniforms yet a while, at the 
 Matron's suggestion, so that the people here can 
 tell me from the rest of my group. There is now 
 no way of distinguishing me from the rest except 
 my height. My assistant matron, Miss Taylor, is 
 the smallest in the Unit. The nurses have a good 
 deal of fun about our appearance together. 
 
 It has been fine to have so much time to write 
 to-day, for when we get started I do not think we 
 shall have much free time. And at night I do 
 not know whether I can use this precious type- 
 writer without disturbing all the other nurses 
 on the other side of my room wall. I think I shall 
 have to train them to get used to it. More march- 
 ing feet tramping along, and helmeted heads 
 appearing over the hedge ! 
 
 You all seem so far away. Not a scrap of mail 
 since we left and no immediate prospect of any. 
 
36 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 I am now due to go and have tea (the third 
 time to-day) with "Matron" and the Senior 
 Chaplain. So good-by for now. 
 
 P. S. I decided not to draw a picture this 
 time. Our baggage came and we are quite happy. 
 So to-morrow we begin work. I hope you are all 
 well and having a good time. Good night and loads 
 of love to you all. 
 
 J. 
 
 Rouen, France. 
 Sunday, June 17, 1917. 
 
 We have been told in our instructions about 
 letter-writing that we may now state where we 
 are. So now you can all know definitely just 
 where we are. We got our first mail from home 
 day before yesterday, and I can tell you there was 
 great excitement. It is just a month to-day since 
 we left St. Louis and it seems like a year. The 
 latest date of any of my letters was May 27th. 
 But now that the letters have actually begun to 
 come we feel more hopeful that we are not entirely 
 cut off from our friends. It has been a rather 
 dreary feeling to know that up to now, none of 
 you knew where we were or where we were going, 
 but soon we ought to be in regular communica- 
 tion. 
 
 We have been here just a week to-night and 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 37 
 
 are beginning to get over our strangeness. We 
 have learned much of our duties and do not now 
 feel that we can never learn them all. All the 
 nurses have their regular places of duty and are 
 getting to know their patients, and what to do 
 for them. Fortunately for them we have not 
 received any new convoys of men during the week, 
 but we have been sending some out every day or 
 night ; but in a few days, after we are a little more 
 accustomed to our duties, we shall begin to get 
 in more wounded by the hundred. There are 
 only five or six of the English nurses left here 
 with us, and they are to go this week, we under- 
 stand. The Matron, who is a most pleasant and 
 helpful person, is to stay here another week, 
 which gives me the shivers, for two weeks is an 
 awfully short time in which to learn the ropes, 
 and all this first week I have not been doing much 
 more than attend to my nurses' work and their 
 quarters, equipment, etc. But to-morrow I am 
 going to retire to the Matron's office and stay 
 there. One of my little jobs is to hire cooks and 
 maids for the nurses' mess and quarters, and I 
 am also hunting a stenographer. Between 40 
 and 50 V. A. D.'s are to stay on with us here, and 
 we are mighty glad to have them, for they are 
 splendid. I understand that our C. O. (Command- 
 ing Officer) has cabled home, or is going to cable 
 home as soon as he has proper British authority 
 
38 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 to do so, for more help for this hospital. I have 
 said that I want 40 more nurses and 25 carefully 
 picked nurses' aids. I think Miss Bridge could 
 pick out the ones that are the most capable and 
 the most adaptable and the most willing to endure 
 difficulties and do without luxuries and even some 
 comforts. I feel quite sure that there are 25 of that 
 kind among the large number that we trained 
 these past months. I do hope that the Red Cross 
 will give the authority for them to come out with 
 the regular nurses. 
 
 If this were a summer resort, people would 
 say the weather could not be more delightful. I 
 have my little table and typewriter and my camp 
 chair out on the grass under the trees in the little 
 grove where the nurses' quarters are. There is a 
 delightful breeze, and the blue sky is full of fluffy 
 white clouds. The sun is very warm, and down 
 in the tents where the patients are it is not so 
 ideally summer-resorty. But with the side awn- 
 ings up, a nice breeze blows through and the men 
 said they were very comfortable. The sun was 
 so hard on some of the nurses who had to go in 
 and out of the tents a great deal to do the dress- 
 ings of the patients who are kept out of doors 
 under big parasols or temporary awnings of some 
 sort, that at Major Murphy's suggestion I got 
 large, broad-brimmed hats for the whole lot. 
 To-day they have found them a great comfort. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 39 
 
 They certainly look a bit informal with their 
 large farmer hats on and their white dresses, 
 but they look sensible and comfortable. We are 
 likely to have trouble with the laundry question 
 as water is scarce, also starch, and there are labor 
 problems to be reckoned with. We all have white 
 aprons that Mrs. R. insisted on our bringing from 
 London. We are glad she did, as we already find 
 we need them badly, not because of the laundry 
 question but because of the nature of the cases. 
 We have very badly wounded men and their 
 dressings are terrible. 
 
 Amputations are being done almost every day. 
 Yesterday I went down to the "Theater Hut" 
 to see how our nurses were going to handle a very 
 bad case, for the "Theater Sister" is to be taken 
 away soon. Our people at home would marvel 
 to see what fine work can be done when all the 
 water used has to be heated on top of a small 
 oil stove and all the instruments boiled the same 
 way. The poor boy whose leg had to be ampu- 
 tated was in such bad shape, he could have only 
 the minimum of a general anaesthetic, but local 
 anaesthesia was given. Besides having both legs 
 badly hurt, his lower back is in terrible shape 
 from injury ; after the operation he was put on 
 his face on his bed. Before eight o'clock one of 
 the nurses held his head up so he could have a 
 smoke! And this morning he says he is "in the 
 
40 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 pink," which means feeling fine. It is perfectly 
 wonderful, their fortitude, and it is making us all 
 so ashamed for all the complaining we have done. 
 Their bravery is harder to bear than anything 
 else. The other day I nearly disgraced myself 
 when the Matron took me with her to the large 
 tent from which all outgoing patients are sent 
 off in ambulances to the trains or boats. It is a 
 large empty tent with benches around it where 
 the "sitters" wait to have their papers and tickets 
 looked over, and a dirt floor where the stretchers 
 are put. Most of the men are smoking cigarettes 
 as they wait. One man was pointed out to me as 
 having both legs off and one arm and part of the 
 remaining hand also, but he was smiling cheerfully 
 and chaffing with the sisters, and although over- 
 whelmed by the awfulness of his condition I did 
 not grasp the full meaning of it until as I passed 
 him he said, "Sister, will you put out my cigarette 
 for me." Stooping over him, I took it out of his 
 mouth and asked him if he didn't want any more 
 of it as it wasn't half burned away. And he said, 
 pulling out his huge bandaged hand from under 
 the blanket, "No, sister, thank you, I only want 
 a little of it since I can't take it out of my mouth 
 after I once get it in." I wonder what any of you 
 would do under circumstances like that. It seemed 
 as though my throat would burst, and I had to 
 think very quickly how absurd it would be for 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 41 
 
 the new Matron to weep before all those heroic, 
 stoical men and the matter-of-fact, externally 
 brusque but inwardly most kind, English officer, 
 and orderlies, so I got myself together speedily 
 while I was putting out the cigarette in the sand 
 with my boot toe. And he was only one, and there 
 are thousands like him. 
 
 Two of our men were buried by the explosion of 
 a mine. The one who had his head out in the 
 air put his hand over the face of the other so that 
 the latter could breathe and did not suffocate, 
 but the first was badly hurt in the chest. There 
 are hundreds of stories like these. The nurses 
 are always telling something new about their 
 men. Little things that come out in the course of 
 conversation, enough to fill a book. One of the 
 most pitiful groups are the "shell shocks." The 
 other night the explosion of shells could be dis- 
 tinctly heard, and almost all these cases shook as 
 though they were having convulsions all night. 
 As one of them said, "Some poor devils are getting 
 theirs now." One interesting case was brought 
 in unable to speak several days ago. The other 
 night he fell out of bed, and sat up and said "Sis- 
 ter, I can talk now." These shell-shock cases are 
 always falling out of bed, it seems. 
 
 Yesterday I went to town for the first time since 
 I have been here. I went for the straw hats. 
 I went into the Cathedral, which is by far the most 
 
42 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 beautiful I have ever seen, I think, with the 
 exception of that at Milan. It is going to be a 
 constant joy to have that place to visit. Rouen 
 is an interesting city and has good shops. It 
 swarms with uniforms of all hues. 
 
 I was glad to get all your letters yesterday and 
 day before yesterday. According to the accounts 
 of the very cold weather they had here last year 
 our patients and any patients in the neighbor- 
 hood are going to need all the warm knitted things 
 they can get. Nurses say that the solutions in 
 their bottles froze in the tents and their first 
 early morning duties were to thaw out the bottles. 
 We hear that this hospital is to be hutted before 
 the Autumn, which will be much better for the 
 winter, but even then there will not be any steam 
 heat. When I have the Matron's office, which is 
 the jockey-room of the grandstand of this old 
 race course, I shall have a large table and some 
 shelves, also a little stove for cold days. We are 
 all so delighted and interested to hear from Elsie's 
 letter that more Units are being ordered out. 
 And we are all so glad we were in the first lot. 
 
 A Colonel commanding a neighboring base has 
 just been to call. He rode down, he said, to pay 
 his respects to the "American Matron." He was 
 very charming and we had a nice talk. He says 
 he is going to ask us up to tea. He "goes in for 
 a garden and all that, you know." I am meet- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 43 
 
 ing so very many delightful people. All the 
 Matrons from the various hospital camps near 
 have either been to call or invited us to concerts 
 at their grounds. Last night there was such a 
 pretty affair at the Australian camp, 1 a concert, 
 a kind of variety show given by members of 
 the camp, orderlies, cooks, and other regular army 
 people, but really very clever. It was out of doors, 
 of course, under some lovely trees, and there must 
 have been 400 to 500 people there as audience, 
 all in uniform of some sort : mostly officers and 
 nurses and Y. M. C. A. workers, etc. It began at 
 8 and lasted until about 10.30. Refreshments 
 were served from a large tent, and it was all very 
 pretty and very English. 
 
 Ruth C — has just been in to see me a moment. 
 She is on night duty and is working very hard. 
 She says there never in the world were such won- 
 derful patients, that no matter how much they 
 are suffering they are "quite all right, thank 
 you, Sister," and they won't ask for things, and 
 when she asks them if they are in pain, they say, 
 "Not too much, Sister." The first night she says 
 she went all to pieces, but nobody saw her ; now 
 she too is getting steadier. That first night she 
 was responsible for 90 men, many of whom were 
 in the most awful condition. It was no wonder 
 
 1 Hospital down on the opposite side of the race course. It was 
 a promenade. 
 
44 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 that it got on her nerves a bit. She was so much 
 interested in my letters from you, as she has had 
 no word from St. Louis, in fact no letter at all as 
 yet. I can really see very little of her since I am 
 in charge and so much in the midst of the group 
 all the time. In London, Miss Dunlop and I went 
 to everything together, and here the Matron and 
 I go in pairs, or my own assistant, Miss Taylor, and 
 I. From a personal point of view there are lots of 
 disadvantages in being the head. I have to be on 
 show all the time and always have to meet people 
 and be sociable and go to all the functions, and 
 I hate having things better than the rest of my 
 people. For instance, our table in the mess hall 
 has a tablecloth instead of oilcloth, and sometimes 
 we have little extra things like strawberries when 
 the others don't. By and by things won't have to 
 be that way. But the Matrons here are very 
 much honored and set apart and kotowed to in 
 a way that disturbs our democratic American 
 spirit. 
 
 Dad's letter was so wonderfully cheering and 
 helpful. It is so pathetic the way one can lose 
 sight of one's inspirations if one's feet are tired, 
 or the way one can forget one is on a crusade if 
 there is no drinking water to be had for half a 
 day, and can be just an ordinary uninspired human 
 female and be fretful and discouraged because 
 you don't like the tone of voice of a supervisor. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 45 
 
 It is my job of course to keep before my people 
 the why of our coming and to keep their spirits 
 up. As the director said this morning, we must 
 never be discouraged or depressed, that our 
 biggest job is to keep our people full of enthusiasm. 
 Sometimes it is hard if one's own head aches, 
 but it really is not hard for those of us who under- 
 stand the meaning of our being here. No coffee 
 for breakfast can actually blind some people to 
 visions, and tea offered them five times a day can 
 make them speak in a way that will really antag- 
 onize the people we have come to help. Our 
 minds and bodies are funny things. There is not 
 much thrill in putting your tired, luxury-loving 
 body to bed on a hard camp cot after washing 
 it as well as you can in a cup of warm water. 
 We shall probably have mattresses issued to us 
 when we can get them, but in the meantime the 
 canvas cot is not so bad when it has a folded 
 blanket in it. We have no business to bring 
 ourselves up to be so finicky. Nobody should 
 ever always "have to have two pillows or she 
 can't sleep a wink" or be "terribly dependent 
 on sugar" or "just has to have so much sleep" 
 or "just can't touch a thing with cheese in it." 
 Those of you who have kids to bring up, if you 
 want to make them adaptable to every possible 
 circumstance, do make them eat everything at 
 any time, or be able to get along without any- 
 
46 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 thing. Make them sleep any way on anything at 
 any time, and you are giving them something 
 worth more than rubies. My nurses are not bad 
 about these things. On the whole they are bricks, 
 and I have had and am having the very minimum 
 of trouble. I really have been proud of them, the 
 fine way they traveled. There wasn't a murmur, 
 only jokes, the day they had nothing to eat from 
 8 A.M. to 5 p.m., standing about all morning on 
 the boat — there weren't seats enough to go 
 around — and in the train all afternoon. 
 
 Saturday, June 30, 1917. 
 Dearest Dad and Mother 
 and all the rest : — 
 It is a cold, rainy day and you'd be surprised to 
 know how really cold it is. At night the night 
 nurses are already wearing all their heavy under- 
 wear and their sweaters and their capes. I don't 
 quite see how they are going to manage when 
 real winter comes. It is hard to realize that it is 
 only the end of June. We had just two warm days, 
 but when the sun is out it gets warmed up around 
 the middle of the day, but most days coats are 
 very comfortable. I am having a new blue serge 
 uniform made here in town, for I can foresee that, 
 with my office work, I shall be wearing the "stuff 9 ' 
 uniform much more than the white ones. My office 
 which was the jockey-room of the grandstand, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 47 
 
 in one corner of the back, is a very pleasant room. 
 It is about as large as the central one of our 
 Training School offices at home. The furniture 
 is a large plain table covered with a dark blanket, 
 shelves and cupboards made of boxes, a small 
 folding table, some camp stools, a couple of 
 straight chairs, and some matting. But the effect 
 is quite cozy, and some reddish art squares on 
 the stained boxes make the room quite cheerful. 
 
 I have not written for about two weeks, for there 
 has been very little to write and I have not felt 
 much like writing, since we have had no mail at 
 all since those first few letters that reached us 
 here just after we got here. I have kept think- 
 ing that I would put off writing until I had some 
 letters to answer. But none have come. To-day 
 the doctors got a whole batch, but there were 
 only two letters for the nurses. That is the way 
 our mail has been coming through, one or two 
 letters at a time. It seems very probable that 
 some of our mail has been lost or missent, for the 
 few of us who have received letters say that 
 reference is made in them to previous letters 
 which have never arrived. 
 
 For a whole week now I have been entirely 
 "on my own" here with the nursing, and the 
 hospital has not stopped ! We have been contin- 
 uing to get in convoys and to send them out, not 
 big ones but varying from 30 to 100 patients. 
 
48 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 The other night at midnight I went down to the 
 receiving tent to see how a convoy coming in 
 was managed, and it was one of the most interest- 
 ing hours I ever spent. The big marquee has 
 about two feeble electric lights in it; some of 
 the doctors had electric torches, but it was all 
 very dim and spooky. The ambulances backed 
 up near to the door, and our stretcher bearers 
 were all there ready to receive their patients by 
 the time they had stopped. We get telephone 
 messages when to expect a convoy. The stretchers 
 are brought in and laid on the dirt floor as close 
 together as possible. Then another group of men 
 begin at once to examine the tickets that are 
 fastened to the coat of each man, and assign them 
 to particular tents where men with similar injuries 
 or in similar condition are taken care of. Another 
 couple of men hand out steaming hot soup, and 
 the doctors talk to the men a little, but do not 
 examine them there at all. Then very quickly the 
 stretcher bearers come and carry out the men 
 that have been assigned, out through the opposite 
 end of the tent out into the darkness off to a bed 
 in some comfortable tent where a nurse and an 
 orderly are waiting to get the poor tired creature 
 into bed. They give baths if they can; and get 
 the infected and dirty clothes listed and off to 
 the fumigator, and unless the patient is in very 
 bad condition let him go right off to sleep. The 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 49 
 
 doctors have found that the men are much more 
 in need of a good sleep than of a doctor's care 
 right off, and, unless absolutely necessary, dress- 
 ings are not changed until the morning. That 
 night 64 men, most of them stretcher cases, were 
 brought in, assigned, given soup, and taken off 
 to their wards (tents) in 25 minutes, which you 
 see is pretty speedy work. 
 
 The men have very little to say when they first 
 come in. They are tired out and forlorn and often 
 in pain and dazed. They some of them seem 
 surprised to see Americans taking care of them, 
 but they don't say much. They answer wearily, 
 "Not so bad, Sister" or "A bit rocky, sir," but 
 later some of them tell most awful stories. One 
 of them told the other day of getting caught on 
 a barbed wire entanglement on which he was 
 thrown by the explosion of a shell and of hang- 
 ing there all day before he was rescued. It had 
 happened early in the morning, and the rescuing 
 party could not get to him until after dark. 
 Another told of lying out between two lines of 
 trenches three days. He was hurt in the hip and 
 could drag himself only a few inches at a time. 
 He got water from the bottles of the dead soldiers. 
 We get not only surgical cases but a good many 
 medical ones, pleurisy, nephritis, trench fever, 
 lots of them, and all sorts of heart conditions. 
 We also get a good many not due to military 
 
50 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 life, appendicitis, injuries from kicks from horses, 
 infections, etc., but most are"G. S. W" (gunshot 
 wound). Some are unbelievably awful, whole parts 
 blown away, as for instance all the flesh across 
 the shoulders or between the thighs, where a shell 
 tore right through from behind. I cannot see how 
 some of them live, and live so bravely and cheer- 
 fully. 
 
 And it is not only the men that are brave but 
 the women too. This afternoon I have been try- 
 ing to arrange for one of our "B. V. D.'s," as the 
 doctors call them, meaning the "V. A. D.V to 
 get a permit to go to a hospital in E., where her 
 brother is. He has been wounded but not seri- 
 ously enough to be sent back to England. She 
 has had one brother killed, another is a prisoner, 
 and now this youngest brother is wounded, 
 and she is the cheeriest, bravest little thing you 
 ever saw. Another has had three brothers killed, 
 and you would never dream it to see her. A third, 
 whose fiance was killed about a month ago, I am 
 a little worried about ; she is driving herself into 
 the work so hard. Oh, there are so many pitiful 
 people over here it keeps one's heart torn up the 
 whole livelong time. You can't get away from 
 the sorrows of people ever. Not that one wants 
 to, if there is anything that can be done, but at 
 home there are times, thank God, when one can 
 forget all the woe of the world, and pain and sor- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 51 
 
 row, but not here. It is before your eyes every 
 waking minute and in your ears even in your 
 sleep when the feet go marching, marching by. 
 
 Last evening I had a beautiful walk with doctor 
 Veeder. The sunset was glorious, and we walked 
 along roads that looked like Corot pictures. 
 After quite a long time we came out from our 
 woodsy road to an open space which seemed to 
 extend away for a mile or so without any grass 
 or any trees on it. It was getting dark and we 
 could not distinguish things clearly, but Dr. 
 Veeder said he thought this was the place where 
 the daily practice in trench warfare went on. We 
 walked a bit over the very rough field and heard 
 voices, though we could not see any one. Pretty 
 soon an officer appeared from nowhere, and when 
 we asked him if we could look around, he said 
 " Certainly," and he himself conducted us. The 
 field had been made into a regular practice battle 
 field. It was criss-crossed with trenches and 
 craters. But the worst was the dummy men 
 placed all over everywhere. These dummy men the 
 men have to learn to bayonet as they rush by, so 
 as to learn how to use their bayonets even in the 
 narrow trenches. Our officer and another who 
 joined us explained things to us and told us it 
 was a relief to have some one new, to talk to, as 
 they have to stay out there in the trenches with 
 their men from 10 p.m. to 9 a.m. when they are re- 
 
52 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 lieved by another batch. It was most wonderfully 
 interesting; but impresses the horror of warfare 
 on me even more than it has been impressed be- 
 fore. The trenches were most wonderfully and 
 elaborately made and have dugouts and lines of 
 communication and bayous and many other tech- 
 nical things which I could not grasp fully at the 
 first hearing. 
 
 Another incident that happened to one of my 
 nurses this past week made more very vivid 
 impressions. I say "incident" because that is 
 all it was in the life of the camp, but the young 
 woman said it was the most interesting day she 
 ever spent. She, Miss Cuppaidge, had been de- 
 tailed to go with a doctor, an anaesthetist, and an 
 orderly to a "Casualty Clearing Station." When 
 called for, small groups like this are sent up from 
 the base hospital whenever there is a big drive. 
 I received an order that Miss Cuppaidge was to 
 go for her "gas training" at a certain time. The 
 group is just got ready and kept at their regular 
 jobs until an order comes for them to proceed to 
 the "CCS." At the appointed time for the 
 training Miss Cuppaidge went to the "gas school" 
 in the neighboring training camp. There she and 
 four others, nurses from other hospitals, were 
 taken in charge by an officer. They first had 
 minute instructions about properly adjusting 
 their gas masks. These are rather complicated, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 53 
 
 as they are regular respirators. A piece through 
 which they breathe has to be held in the mouth, 
 and a pair of padded clamps shut off the nose. 
 This is inside the mask which fits around the 
 face and is held on by straps around the head. 
 They must learn to put on the things and fix 
 the clamps and mouth pieces in six seconds. 
 They then have to learn how to breathe just 
 through the mouth without choking or what is 
 worse, Miss Cuppaidge said, without dribbling. 
 They also have to get used to the queer sensa- 
 tion in the ears when they swallow. When the 
 masks are all right and everybody is breathing 
 all right, they are put into a gas-filled room. 
 This gas is just a tear gas. They are left there 
 five minutes, then taken out and they are asked 
 about irritated eyes. If there is irritation the 
 masks are leaking or improperly adjusted. They 
 are then taken into trenches where other gases 
 are liberated to get them used to the odors, so 
 that they can detect the presence of gas quickly. 
 Some gases are so deadly three breaths of it will 
 cause death, hence the hurry in quick detection 
 and quick adjustment of masks. Some of these 
 gases travel six and seven miles. As near as I 
 could make out the gases are mainly of two sorts, 
 a chlorine gas and a " phosgene " one. The officer 
 lectured to the nurses upon the effects of these 
 gases and about the treatment of them and in 
 
54 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 the middle of the afternoon sent them home smell- 
 ing like the dickens, but, as Miss C. said, entirely 
 unafraid of gas and quite prepared to guard 
 against it if they meet it. Their gas outfits they 
 have hitched to them all the time when near the 
 place they are likely to meet it. We shall have 
 other small groups go up to the C. C. S. after 
 this one is called out and I mean to be detailed 
 to go with one. These parties stay sometimes 
 only a few days and sometimes a few weeks, 
 but I certainly mean to go if I can persuade the 
 authorities to let me leave Miss Taylor in charge. 
 I have so little contact with the patients and so 
 little of anything but office work and receiving 
 officials and company of all sorts I believe that 
 they would think I ought to have a little of the 
 real war work. 
 
 The hospital end of my work is going very 
 smoothly, because I have excellent supervisors, 
 and the head nurses are all doing very well. For 
 those who are interested I will mention that Miss 
 Stebbins is the Day Surgical Supervisor, Mrs. 
 Hausmann the Night Med. Sup., Miss Habenicht 
 is the Day Med. Sup., and Miss Claiborne the 
 Night Surg. Sup. The place is so big and there 
 are so many lines of tents to be covered we have 
 a supervisor for the medical side and a separate 
 one for the surgical side both night and day. 
 Some of you people at home would be amused 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 55 
 
 to see our night supervisors on a rainy night. 
 In rubber hats, coats, and rubber boots and carry- 
 ing a lantern they go ducking about in and out 
 of tents, having a beautiful time, they say, splash- 
 ing about and tripping over tent ropes. Any way 
 we all seem to be thriving under these new condi- 
 tions. We all are getting very brown. All have 
 enormous appetites and can eat with relish the 
 tinned bully beef that we get four or five times 
 a week and the hard dark war bread. Never 
 again will I talk about wrapped bread. Here, as 
 somebody said the other day, loaves of bread 
 are used to spike the cart wheels. But we eat it 
 just the same in huge slices. 
 
 Our food question is a problem. It does not 
 need to be as poor as it is, and I mean to see pretty 
 soon that it is improved. The trouble really 
 is with the help. My domestic problems are driv- 
 ing me crazy, but this last week I appealed for 
 help and Captain Veeder has been asked to assist 
 me to clean our places and work out some kind of 
 scheme. Our kitchen is one of the old stalls, quite 
 open at the end as stalls are. Other stalls are 
 used for storage, and oh the dirt. I had not been 
 assigned enough help at first and anyway there 
 had been such a muddle of V. A. D.'s working 
 in the Mess, some old good-for-nothing soldiers, 
 hangers-on, and a few Belgian girls who help 
 take care of the nurses' room and do odd jobs, 
 
56 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 I could not possibly see what I was going to do 
 with the place for some time. To add to my diffi- 
 culties the V. A. D.'s draw a certain ration from 
 the British quartermaster and pay into the Mess 
 a certain amount of money, and the American 
 nurses' ration was to be quite different, and the 
 whole arrangement quite different. There are 40 
 V. A. D.'s and 64 nurses. Consider the problem. 
 I got some fairly decent French women to come 
 and clean and help cook. The American man cook 
 could not talk to them and had a fit, for whenever 
 his back was turned, they did things he did not 
 mean to have done. I got the place cleaned only 
 by getting extra fatigue men up with shovels and 
 brooms. We are to be whitewashed to-morrow. 
 An extra American has been put on to keep the 
 other man company and give him somebody to 
 talk to ! The French women are to keep on clean- 
 ing and are to do the dishes that the British 
 soldiers have been swishing around in tubs of 
 cold water. The V. A. D.'s are gradually being 
 put in the wards, where they won't have a chance 
 to have tea so many times a day. Everybody 
 can have it five times a day if desired ! 
 
 While waiting to hear from Washington about 
 increased rations on account of the greatly in- 
 creased cost of food over here we are taxing every- 
 body a franc a day for extra green things for the 
 Mess. The U. S. A. allows 40 cents a day per 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 57 
 
 nurse for messing. The usual custom is to draw 
 not as many rations as there are persons to pro- 
 vide for, then to draw the difference in money and 
 buy extra things with the money. But over here 
 that scheme at 40 cents a day cannot work, food 
 is too high. So a cable has been sent to Wash- 
 ington. The doctors are not having this trouble 
 because they always expect to buy most of their 
 food out of their salaries. They draw their regular 
 rations and buy lots of stuff, then divide the 
 cost among the whole group. They have a much 
 smaller group to take care of and are not compli- 
 cated as I am by the servant or V. A. D. problem. 
 They have American men looking after them. 
 Oh well, I can begin to see light ahead now, and 
 although no one likes the food, as it is they are 
 not starving. A slice of ham all dried up to noth- 
 ing and dark army bread and tea and possibly 
 a little marmalade does not make a very good 
 breakfast for Americans, but it will keep one 
 going if enough bread and butter is eaten. We 
 are now getting coffee, such as it is, and I mean to 
 see about cereal very soon. Eggs have been seven 
 cents apiece, not centimes but cents. I am not 
 letting my perfectly good dietitian put her ener- 
 gies on this domestic problem of ours, for I am 
 keeping her for the poor sick soldiers, and in a 
 few days or weeks I mean to have a regular diet 
 kitchen started for her. My "Home Sister" is 
 
58 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 finding the complication of four kinds of help 
 and several languages almost too much for her, 
 but between us all we shall plow through this 
 mire, and now that Dr. Veeder has turned his 
 attention upon our difficulties I am sure we shall 
 get through them all right. You ought to hear 
 me engage servants in French. They understand 
 and come. When they see some of the difficulties 
 of lack of hot water, etc., they go, and I have to 
 begin all over again. It is a great life. 
 
 One of the greatest things about it is meeting 
 so many different kinds of people. Two such 
 nice Australian Sisters were here to call upon me 
 this afternoon. And the New Zealanders are so 
 very polite and nice, and these little V. A. D.'s are 
 charming. Anyway I am glad I am here, only 
 I wish you were all here too. Then things would 
 be ideal. You'd all love this beautiful country, 
 and this quaint old city that is nearly swamped 
 under this enormous influx of strange foreign 
 people. The paper to-day says (we get a little 
 single-leaf edition of the London Daily Mail) 
 that our troops have landed in France. I hope 
 thousands more come along soon, so that all this 
 beastly business can be stopped soon. People 
 are [ counting on the coming of our troops so 
 much. Everybody says France needs help badly. 
 Surely our forces can bring an end to all this 
 f rightfulness. No mail yet. None at all except 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 59 
 
 those written for my birthday. Oh well, that is 
 war. Loads and loads of love to you all. 
 
 Sunday, July 8, 1917. 
 
 Rouen, France. 
 
 Such a nice lot of letters as we got to-day. There 
 is very little difference between Sundays and 
 other days here, except perhaps a little more 
 business than usual is done on Sundays, but mail 
 comes and goes these days just like other days. 
 Ever since we came only one or two letters for 
 nurses have been dribbling along through until 
 to-day when some people got as many as 12 or 
 14 letters, and great was the rejoicing thereat. 
 
 Dr. Veeder can do no medical work at all just 
 now, Phil will be interested to know, or in fact 
 doctoring of any kind. At the present time he is 
 spending his entire time quarter mastering. He 
 is entirely responsible for the officers' mess and 
 does all the buying and planning, arranging about 
 cooks, cleaning up, etc., and he is doing it well 
 too, and with a mighty good grace. He has been 
 helping us up at the "Sisters' Mess" with our 
 problems and has been pursuing coal to its lair, 
 and getting whitewash from nowhere, and doing 
 all sorts of miracles that only a very persistent 
 and determined man can do. The result is that 
 all the doctors and nurses are able to do their 
 work in a much better way than if a less efficient 
 
60 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 person were back of their food and comfort. 
 But Dr. Veeder's spirit in doing his particular 
 job and doing it well, even though it is so abso- 
 lutely different from what he was trained for, 
 and what he would prefer, is the spirit which is 
 found throughout the whole organization. It 
 does one's heart good to see the way men who 
 are Ph.D.'s can do regular orderly work, and put 
 a lot into it, and get a lot out of it, and the way 
 accountants can be stretcher bearers, and other 
 highly trained men do the rough work in laboratory 
 and mess hall. 
 
 There is a remarkable spirit of service and 
 glad service everywhere. Of course there have 
 been a few grumblers who have complained 
 that they did not come 'way out here to do this 
 or that, but most of the men have been converted 
 by coming into contact with the attitude of 
 men like Dr. Murphy. All that has been neces- 
 sary is a few words from him to make them pretty 
 much ashamed. And words haven't been neces- 
 sary often. For when they realize that Dr. Murphy 
 has not performed a single operation since he has 
 been here, but has been putting all his ability in 
 organizing and administering, and being up 
 nights and days, seeing convoys out and convoys 
 in, seeing that they are all properly ticketed and 
 all their forms are properly made out, finding 
 out why sufficient oil has not been left for the 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 61 
 
 lanterns of the night orderlies, why only 6 eggs 
 were delivered to one of the tents when 12 were 
 ordered, letting the nurses know who the right 
 person is to give the up-patients permission who 
 wish to leave the compound to attend the Catholic 
 Church across the road, going personally to buy 
 a better oil stove for the night-nurses' supper hut, 
 finding out why the ward-master did not notify 
 a particular nurse long enough before a convoy 
 was to go out so that her patient could be ready, 
 etc. etc. — when they realize all these things 
 and a thousand more that he is doing all the time 
 that he did not come out to do, they pretty gen- 
 erally shut up and put all their energies on the 
 job that has been given them. 
 
 Last night the Director saw a convoy come in 
 just about midnight. It was a pretty big bunch 
 of men and it took some time. One was in such 
 a condition that he had to go to the operating 
 room about 3. Dr. Clopton operated. At 4.45 
 a convoy was sent out to catch a particular ambu- 
 lance train, and Dr. M. was down at The Point, 
 as our receiving tent is called, to see them off. 
 At 7.30 he was at the service in our little chapel, 
 all the morning he was down in the tents conferring 
 with the other doctors and making plans to get the 
 things they needed in their work. At 2 he brought 
 a Red Cross official to talk over some things 
 in their work with me, and I know that at 4.30 
 
62 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 he had an appointment with a neighboring Colonel. 
 When he sleeps I know not. In the intervals of 
 doings like these he comes to ask me if I will 
 make out a list of magazines I would like for the 
 nurses, or he sends roses and vases to put them 
 in ! We are lucky to have such a man at the head 
 of an expedition like this. His kindness and gen- 
 uine goodness reach down to the most ordinary 
 private. Late yesterday afternoon he was batting 
 ball with a bunch of enlisted men. They of course 
 are crazy about him, as are all the people who 
 work with him. There is never a matter too trivial 
 for his attention or too vital and too important 
 for discussion with him. 
 
 This letter was not meant for a eulogy, though 
 it seems to have turned into one. But my atten- 
 tion has turned to our unusual good fortune in 
 having such a leader, by the fact that other Chief 
 Nurses do not always get the kind of help and 
 cooperation that I am getting. What would I 
 do if I had forbidden my nurses to do something 
 which I felt was wrong or inadvisable and then 
 the director of the Unit reversed the action? 
 It is an unbearable situation to conceive, but I 
 am afraid some Chief Nurses may have to face 
 just such difficulties. But here such a situation 
 could not possibly exist. Other Units have sneered 
 a little at what they call our religious attitude, 
 having nightly services on the boat, regular 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 63 
 
 attendance at services here, and making the whole 
 thing a prolonged act of service. But as Dr. 
 Murphy said when he talked to our nurses that 
 last night in London, there is only one way of 
 bearing the close contact with such pain and sor- 
 row, of bearing whatever discomforts we may 
 ourselves have to bear, of working out our own 
 internal problems of antipathies or antagonisms, 
 of keeping our souls serene, and that is by doing 
 it all with the deepest religious motive and in 
 utter devotion to service. I have heard him say 
 many times, "We have come to serve in what- 
 ever way we can and as long as we are needed." 
 And so I look ahead to the future with the great- 
 est peace of mind. I am not afraid of any diffi- 
 culties with my women or with the men. 
 
 My women are splendid. A few, of course, have 
 periods of rearing, but they all have steadied down 
 most beautifully. And I think now that it was 
 emotions strained almost beyond endurance at 
 first that caused the rearing. We are all happy, 
 contented, and well, and I am so proud of the 
 spirit of cooperation I find among them I can 
 hardly express it. I certainly have some wonder- 
 fully splendid women with me. Some of them 
 have queer exteriors and some queer ways, but 
 they are fine within. Every now and then I put 
 on the bulletin board some little poem about the 
 meaning of the war and the ideals we are fighting 
 
64 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 for, or a paragraph from some newspaper about 
 America's quick response to the call for help to 
 defend these ideals, and you ought to see their 
 heads go up and their eyes brighten. They don't 
 care that they have had bully beef twice in one 
 day or that the knives and forks are sticky, and 
 they have no tablecloths or butter dishes. It 
 would be so hopeless if one did not get a response. 
 My bulletin board is the side of a packing box 
 put on a standard just outside the mess door. 
 
 I seem to write such queer things. I was going 
 to tell you about our Fourth of July party. We 
 invited the other American Unit (from Cleve- 
 land) down to a baseball game and tea. It was a 
 great success, as the day was fine and we could 
 have our refreshments on the grass under some 
 trees. Miss Watkins, our dear dietitian, and some 
 of the others worked all the afternoon getting 
 sandwiches, and strawberries, and tea, and little 
 cakes, and lemonade ready, which the doctors 
 paid for. It was a great success. Then after dinner 
 we went up to No. 9 General, where the Cleve- 
 landers hold forth, and had a little dance in their 
 nurses' mess hall. We stopped at 11, as we all 
 had a half hour's walk home. It was a wonderful 
 night. Dr. Allison and I brought up the rear of 
 the procession and discussed the affairs of the 
 universe. 
 
 July 10. Ruth and I have been to town this 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 65 
 
 lovely afternoon to do a few errands and wander 
 around the quaint little back streets and visit 
 the wonderful churches. I am having an extra 
 serge uniform made. It has already been a month 
 in the making, but it will probably be finished 
 soon now. It looks as if it were going to be very 
 satisfactory. Before we came back to our camp 
 we had supper at a very French place and enjoyed 
 our omelette aux champignons, sole frite, petits 
 pois au beurre, salade aux fines herbes and cafe 
 and peches to the very limit, although we had to 
 pay the very limit for it, and all felt very extrava- 
 gant when we saw the bill. Food is very expensive, 
 but the French are not losing anything from the 
 English and American trade. They tack on all 
 sorts of prices to everything they can get away 
 with. It is very restful and relieving to the mind 
 to get away from the hospital, and I try to do it at 
 least once every week for the best part of an after- 
 noon. 
 
 We are not working too hard here, any of us, 
 but I find that I am pretty tired most of the time 
 because I cannot escape from my responsibilities at 
 any time, even when I am off duty, which is not 
 much except in the evenings because I am right 
 in the middle of things all the time, and each one 
 of the sixty -four has some question to ask almost 
 every time they see me. You see everything over 
 here is different, the details are hard to learn, 
 
66 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 or rather they are hard to get over to each one 
 of the sixty-four. I have not been sleeping very 
 well for the same reason. I hear every one that 
 goes by my room and I hear all the women in my 
 hut get to bed and all they have to say as they 
 get ready for the night, and I hear them all get 
 up in the morning etc. But I keep thinking that 
 I shall get used to all of this and not be so noticing. 
 I am better than I was in London or on the boat. 
 I have my room' fixed up so that it looks quite 
 comfortable. I probably shall spend most of my 
 spare time down here in the office in the grand- 
 stand, for down here I am more isolated from my 
 responsibilities. Just outside are the doctors' 
 tents, but when they perform their ablutions out 
 here in front of my door, it does not disturb me 
 in the least, because it is not up to me whether 
 they are as comfortably taken care of as possible. 
 Their quarters are even more primitive than ours. 
 Many of them are two in a tent in which they 
 can hardly stand upright, and their toilet articles 
 are laid on a box and their clothes they have to 
 hang on the tent pole. We all have a little wash- 
 stand, and an enamel basin and pitcher and pail, 
 which were furnished us since we arrived here. 
 With that and a small table and a little shelf 
 and some hooks in the corner we can be very 
 civilized. 
 
 Hot water is a very great problem, for all our 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 67 
 
 water for cooking, washing dishes, and bathing 
 104 women is heated in two small tanks over little 
 coal fires, and the supply is very inadequate. 
 But little by little things get made more practical 
 and sensible. So many things were unnecessarily 
 uncomfortable. My next domestic job is to find 
 out how to get dishes for one hundred people 
 washed when hot water is entirely insufficient, 
 so that they are not always sticky and smelly. 
 I presume it can be done, but at present I acknowl- 
 edge I am baffled. I am taking it for granted 
 that you are interested in these sordid details. 
 They really seem very important over here, al- 
 though to you in America they probably do not 
 rank as highly as stopping hemorrhages and writ- 
 ing letters for dying soldiers. They truly don't to 
 us all the time. But this is a trivial letter meant 
 for only a few who want to know details. 
 
 To-day our Major Fife, the U. S. Army man 
 who joined us in St. Louis, with two other regular 
 army men, took over the command of the hospital, 
 and Col. J. left. Col. J., the English O. C. (Officer 
 Commanding), has been perfectly charming, and 
 we are all very sorry to see him go. He has been 
 transferred to a neighboring hospital camp, 
 not very far away, so we still may see something 
 of him. Yesterday afternoon, late, I had a little 
 tea party here in my office, which was very de- 
 lightful. A few days ago I had met the two 
 
68 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Colonels of the Australian hospital camp, which 
 is on the other side of the race course, and as the 
 one who is the M. O. (Medical Officer) said he 
 wanted to meet Major Murphy, I invited him 
 and the other O. C. and had Major Murphy 
 and Col. J. and Miss Taylor, and we had a very 
 nice party, with tea, bread and butter, and jam. 
 Then afterwards we took the visiting Colonels 
 down to see some of the American apparatus 
 that we are using on some of our cases. Our 
 Surgical Hut looks like a carpenter shop. We have 
 about ten beds under a wooden canopy frame, 
 to which the poor shattered legs of our blown-to- 
 pieces men are fastened. When a leg is broken in 
 half a dozen places and there are several gaping 
 infected wounds besides, it is something of a 
 trick of carpentry and mechanics to make the 
 poor fellows comfortable, put on extensions so 
 the legs won't contract, and yet make it possible 
 to irrigate the wounds. We have some wonder- 
 ful arrangements. It is remarkable the way 
 pulleys and ropes can be arranged so that the 
 men can pull themselves up with their hands 
 to let the nurses rub their backs and change their 
 beds. So many men come to us with terrific 
 bedsores to add to the distress of their shattered 
 legs it takes much ingenuity to take care of them. 
 We have one man who is practically slung in 
 hammocks which are attached with counter 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 69 
 
 weights to the frame over the bed. These small 
 hammocks, or slings, go, one under his shoulders, 
 one under his lower back, and then his leg is in a 
 frame with weights attached to the foot. Rubber 
 tubes are run in and out of his thigh, and knee, 
 and his wounds are irrigated through these tubes 
 which are perforated. This method of irrigating 
 is the Carrel Method. The men in this hut are 
 getting to feel they are such an interesting show, 
 so many people come to see them, that they have 
 begun to make fun by rattling a coin in a tin box 
 and taking up a collection when people ask what 
 they are doing that for. 
 
 It's about time I went up to my room now, as 
 it is after nine and the doctors are beginning to go 
 to their tents and I must sit here ticking away on 
 the machine with the door open. Some nurses 
 came in to talk to me so I was disturbed, even 
 when I thought I had got away from them. They 
 meant well and only came to inquire if I was not 
 well, because they thought I did not look well 
 and were worried. Wasn't that dear of them. It's 
 only a lack of proper sleep that makes me look 
 a bit queer. I am not a bit sick, just a bit "groggy." 
 I really am quite brown, and my hair is quite 
 curly ! from all this dampness. It rains part of 
 every day almost. 
 
 Good-night for now. It is always fun to think 
 at night, maybe I will get a letter to-morrow. 
 
70 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 You just cannot imagine how much letters count. 
 I never had them count so much before. 
 Much love to you all. 
 
 J. 
 
 Rouen, France. July 16, 1917. 
 
 I am inclosing a copy of a letter Miss Taylor 
 received to-day, in reply to the letter she wrote 
 to Private Murphy's mother, the day after her 
 boy died here. He was here of a gunshot wound 
 in the chest, one of those treacherous injuries 
 that seem to be getting along all right and then 
 knock a man out with a sudden hemorrhage. 
 The boy was not even on the Seriously 111 or the 
 Dangerously 111 list, and the worst part was that 
 he died before we could get the priest to him. We 
 have a Catholic priest as well as C. of E. and 
 Nonconformist padres always in attendance. They 
 live on the grounds. Of course a formal notice 
 of the man's death was sent to his mother through 
 the War Casualty Office, but Miss Taylor wrote 
 to tell his mother the details, and to explain 
 why the priest was not with him when he died. 
 Her reply is so typical of the bravery of English 
 women I want you to see it. 
 "To Assistant Matron : — 
 
 " I thank you for so kindly answering my letter 
 for my dear lad Pte. W. Murphy. I am quite 
 sure you all concerned did what possibly could 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 71 
 
 be done for him. I thank you from the very 
 bottom of my heart. I've felt it very keenly, 
 more than I can ever say, but I have the satis- 
 faction of knowing he was cared for by a woman 
 at the last and given a decent grave. Perhaps 
 God took him then because he was then fit, he 
 was a good boy at home to us and I know the 
 last three years of his life he honestly tried his 
 level best. I think God understands us each one 
 best. I should like you to thank the nurse per- 
 sonally for me who was with him at the last, 
 and every night you brave women are remembered 
 in our prayers. My wee daughter aged three 
 years prays, 'God bless our nurses at the front.' 
 I have not received his treasure bag and am sorry 
 as my little son aged 15 yrs., who was passion- 
 ately attached to our dear lad, hoped to have his 
 rosary, but perhaps I shall get it — only you 
 asked me to let you know if I did not receive it. 
 I must now conclude, thanking you once again, 
 believe me 
 
 "Yrs. sincerely 
 
 " Bell Brown." 
 
 All day yesterday and in the night we heard 
 the booming of guns, and the night nurses say the 
 windows in our surgical hut rattled. It was the 
 loudest I have heard since we have been here. 
 And every time I hear them those words of one 
 of our patients come to my mind: "Some poor 
 
72 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 devils are getting theirs." The men recently 
 sent down from the front tell us that rumor has 
 it that there is going to be a big drive in a few 
 days. We wonder if it has begun and if we shall 
 be getting more convoys in. Our hospital is not 
 half full now, we have been sending out so many 
 convoys over to "Blighty." We need to be a 
 little busier for our best good. The weather is 
 lovely, very cool at night, we always sleep under 
 blankets, warm in the sun. Almost every day 
 it rains at least a part of the day, but the ground 
 here is so sandy there is very little mud. It is a 
 drizzling evening, but it is cozy and pleasant here 
 in my office. It is getting on toward ten and out- 
 side in their tents I can hear the voices of some of 
 our officers talking together, and from time to 
 time across the road come bugle calls, and there 
 is that faint bustling sound of large numbers of 
 people getting ready to be quiet for the night. 
 We are in the midst of such thousands and thou- 
 sands of people, mostly soldiers, and all day long 
 there are myriads of soldier sounds, bugle calls, 
 tramping of feet, motor cycles, lorries, bands 
 playing, men's voices, sharp commands, the slap 
 of the hand on the musket in salute, the popping 
 of small bombs or guns all day long from the 
 practice trenches near here. On the fourth of 
 July we thought how like a home Fourth it was, 
 but here the popping and the shots sound every 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 73 
 
 day. And it is not fireworks that are being shot 
 off. At neighboring camps there are experts in 
 bayoneting, experts in gassing, experts in Hate 
 Talk. There are actually special men who some- 
 times talk to as many as three thousand men to 
 make them feel that their chief business is to kill. 
 It is incomprehensible. Whenever will this toppling 
 world right itself? It will be a long time before 
 we come home. The more we know the more 
 sure we are that it is going to be a long business. 
 And the man who wrote "The picture, That I 
 saw that day, Of home folks bidding home good-by, 
 For traitor seas, And 'somewhere,' Out beyond 
 the seas, And after that, Just God, And what He 
 wills," was right. That is the situation. 
 
 July 19. Such nice letters to-day. It is such fun 
 to get the home news and to learn the details of 
 your doings. We are not working hard and we 
 find it embarrassing to have people take it for 
 granted that we are overdoing all the time and 
 suffering real hardships. We are comfortable and 
 well fed and have interesting work and many 
 very interesting diversions. 
 
 There is a lot of very simple entertainment 
 back and forth among the camps. Once or twice 
 every week there is a tea party or a tennis party 
 with tea or a concert with refreshments somewhere 
 here. To-morrow we are going to return some of 
 the many courtesies that have been shown us 
 
74 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 and be "at home" to our neighbors here on the 
 Race Course : No. 10 General Hospital and No. 1 
 Australian General. The party will be out of 
 doors and there will be tennis and a baseball 
 game between nurses and officers. The officers 
 are having baseball suits made for them by the 
 nurses. These suits are to be very gay skirts, 
 so that they will be as much hampered as the 
 women. We have started our V. A. D.'s on base- 
 ball against the American nurses. They take to 
 it like small boys and find it "ripping." It has 
 been the best mixing process I ever invented. 
 It is a great sight these lovely evenings between 
 eight and nine to see the crowd of hilarious nurses 
 careering over the grass between the hedge and 
 the fenced-off center of the course where all the 
 tents are, and hanging on the fence a couple of 
 hundred "blue boys" or convalescent patients 
 in their blue hospital suits. Then the officers 
 come straggling out after their dinner, peacefully 
 smoking their pipes, and they line up and root 
 and laugh too and coach. It does not look much 
 like war. It does everybody the best possible 
 good, for it has them all roaring with laughter, 
 and sends them off to bed in the best of humor, 
 like a bunch of kids. 
 
 The English tea parties are charming, and I 
 think myself in a storybook every time I go to 
 one. The uniforms of the English Sisters are so 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 75 
 
 gay and bright with their flowing caps and red- 
 bordered little capes, and all the men are in uni- 
 form, and the little tables set out on the grass are 
 under large sunshades, or there are special mar- 
 quees set up for the occasion, and it's all very gay. 
 Last week around at No. 10 General after the tea 
 part, they had games, tennis for some, hunting 
 for hidden treasure in the grass and hedge (I 
 found a souvenir spoon in a mole hole), and a 
 potato and spoon race, and also a tug of war that 
 was so fiercely strenuous that it left many of 
 us with cricks in our necks ever since. The tug 
 of war seems to be a favorite sport. Our white- 
 dressed nurses with their scarlet-lined blue capes 
 look mighty pretty on these occasions. Of course 
 different groups of nurses and doctors get off for 
 different parties. They are usually from 5 to 
 7 or after 8. 
 
 Then in the Y. M. C. A. huts there are frequent 
 forms of entertainment, not only for the convales- 
 cent patients but for the staff. A "concert" 
 usually means a kind of variety show. All kinds 
 of pretty good troupes are sent out to go the 
 rounds of the various hospitals, and then, too, 
 each hospital has its own band, which is trained 
 or run by the Y. M. C. A. people. We here have 
 some very unusual Y. M. C. A. people. A Prof. B., 
 his wife, and son are living here and giving their 
 whole time to this work. They are from Cam- 
 
76 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 bridge, both father and son. I am told that the 
 father is a professor of theology, and the son of 
 archaeology. They are very talented people, quite 
 eccentric geniuses, all of them, I should judge. 
 The father leads the band, the son plays the little 
 organ in our chapel, the mother hovers around, 
 and all the time some one of them is in attendance 
 at the Y. M. C. A. hut to help the boys play and 
 to manage the many concerts and lectures that 
 take place there all the time. The first time I met 
 Mrs. B. was the first night I arrived. The first 
 thing she said to me was, "Good gracious, how 
 funereal you look!" I was in my dark uniform 
 and it was after dark in the evening and I did look 
 like a crow, but then ! She was very cordial after- 
 ward and has been very charming to us all. She 
 gave a big tea for us in the hut one Sunday after- 
 noon and had many officers, Y. M. C. A. workers, 
 and nurses there to meet us. Everybody here is 
 devoted to the B.'s and they add much to the 
 community life. Both father and son are tall, 
 thin, stooped, spectacled souls. The son is more 
 or less of an invalid, it seems. 
 
 We have just heard a piece of news that delights 
 us very much and that is that Miss G. is to come 
 over to be "Matron-in-chief for France" as the 
 corresponding official is called for the other nursing 
 forces. I had already written, as had the Chief 
 Nurses of some of the other Units, asking Miss 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 77 
 
 N. to send us some one to advise us, and make 
 uniform regulations for us all and standardize 
 our actions and customs. Now, each Chief Nurse 
 is entirely responsible, under her Commanding 
 Officer, who leaves all the details to her, for 
 every little thing. And the consequence is that 
 there are as many ideas about discipline, uni- 
 forms, hours of duty, social usages, etc. as there 
 are Chief Nurses. Miss G. will be ideal for this 
 position. Dr. Alexander Lambert was here last 
 evening and he told us that she was coming. It 
 may be that she has only been sent for, but I 
 hope it means that she is to come. We have 
 received word that ^ve American nurses are to 
 be added to our force here soon. We don't know 
 where they are to come from or anything about 
 them. It was an official notice that we had yes- 
 terday that 33 were to arrive at Havre, five of 
 whom are to be sent to us. We shall be glad to 
 see them whoever they are. Five of our V. A. D.'s 
 are to be taken when the Americans come. 
 
 Two of my people heard me say the other day 
 that I wished I had my violin here, so yesterday 
 they went down to Rouen and bought me one. 
 I wish you could hear the accounts of how they 
 did it, for neither of them has any French or knows 
 anything about violins. But it was a violin all 
 right that they brought out to me wrapped up in 
 a newspaper, and last night it played perfectly 
 
78 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 good tunes in the mess hall. One of the V. A. D.'s 
 
 plays the piano very well, so we had a fine time 
 
 trying out the instrument. To-day I have some 
 
 bad blisters on the ends of the fingers of my left 
 
 hand, which makes it almost impossible to write 
 
 on the typewriter. We have not much music 
 
 here, but a few popular dance airs. 
 
 Loads of love. 
 
 Julia. 
 
 July 25, 1917. 
 
 I do not know how to write about our doings 
 of the past few days, for I cannot write numbers, 
 and it is only numbers that would give you any 
 idea at all of what we have been doing. I wrote 
 in my last letter, I think it was, that we were not 
 working hard, well, we have begun our hard work, 
 and for our own sakes we are glad of it. In the 
 past 24 hours we have admitted more patients 
 than the total capacity of the Barnes and Chil- 
 dren's Hospital, not the average number of 
 patients, but the total capacity. And all these 
 patients have been bathed, fed, and had their 
 wounds dressed. Some of course were able to 
 walk and could go to the bath house and the mess 
 tents, but most of them to-day are stretcher cases, 
 and oh, so dirty, hungry, and miserable. The 
 mere (I say mere, but it is really the most impor- 
 tant part of the whole thing) proper recording of 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 79 
 
 the names, numbers, ranks, nearest relatives 
 etc., is in itself a huge task. Of course the nurses 
 don't have all that to do, but they have a lot of 
 it. The boys who are stretcher bearers must be 
 so lame, they can hardly move, for just consider 
 what it means to lift down out of ambulances 
 as many patients as that, and then afterwards 
 carry them as far sometimes as a city block, for 
 we filled our farthest tents to-day. It is most 
 remarkable how things have gone. There are 
 many aching backs to-night, for all the beds are 
 very low and the stooping is terrific, but every 
 one has been a brick. Many of the nurses have 
 worked 14 straight hours to-day, and many of 
 the doctors had only two or three hours' sleep 
 last night, and were working all day. The diffi- 
 culty to-day was, that we had to put patients 
 into rows of tents that have not been used for 
 some time and were not equipped, and our warn- 
 ing was not long enough to prepare. We had the 
 beds ready, but little else. To-night things have 
 straightened out a lot, but it is going to be a 
 busy night as we are to send out a convoy, and 
 get another in. Three additional night nurses 
 are on to-night, taken from the day force that has 
 to stretch itself a little thinner. 
 
 Our nurses don't need any "Hate Lecture" 
 after what we have seen in the past few days. 
 We have been receiving patients that have been 
 
80 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 gassed, and burned in a most mysterious way. 
 Their clothing is not burned at all, but they have 
 bad burns on their bodies, on parts that are covered 
 by clothing. The doctors think it has been done 
 by some chemical that gets its full action on the 
 skin after it is moist, and when the men sweat, 
 it is in these places that are the most moist that 
 the burns are the worst. The Germans have been 
 using a kind of oil in bombs, the men say it is oil 
 of mustard. These bombs explode and the men's 
 eyes, noses, and throats are so irritated they do 
 not detect the poison gas fumes that come from 
 the bombs that follow these oil ones, and so they 
 either inhale it and die like flies, or have a delayed 
 action and are affected by it terribly several hours 
 later. We have had a lot of these delayed-action 
 gassed men, who cough and cough continuously, 
 like children with whooping cough. We had a very 
 bad case the other night who had not slept one 
 hour for four nights or days, and whose coughing 
 paroxysms came every minute and a half by the 
 clock. When finally the nurses got him to sleep, 
 after rigging up a croup tent over him so that he 
 could breathe steam from a croupkettle over a 
 little stove that literally had to be held in the 
 hands to make it burn properly, they said they 
 were ready to get down on their knees in gratitude, 
 his anguish had been so terrible to watch. They 
 said they could not wish the Germans any greater 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 81 
 
 unhappiness than to have them have to witness 
 the sufferings of a man like that and know that 
 they had been the cause of it. It is diabolical 
 the things they do, simply fiendish, and like the 
 things that would be expected from precocious 
 degenerates. 
 
 I cannot imagine what kind of change is going 
 to take place in our minds before we get home. 
 There are so many changes coming over our ideas 
 every day. They are not new ideas, for many 
 people have had them before, since the beginning 
 of this war, but they are new to us. Human life 
 seems so insignificant, and individuals are so 
 unimportant. No one over here thinks in any 
 numbers less than 50 or 100, and what can the 
 serious condition of Private John Brown of 
 something or other, Something Street, Birming- 
 ham, matter? One's mind is torn between the 
 extremes of such feelings, for when a nurse takes 
 the pulse of a wounded sleeping man and he wakes 
 just enough to say "Mother," she goes to pieces 
 in her heart, just as though he weren't only one 
 of the hundreds of wounded men in just this one 
 hospital. 
 
 This morning when the big rush was on, I was 
 in the receiving tent when the last three men 
 were unloaded : One had his head and eyes all 
 bandaged up and seemed in very bad condition, 
 so I went with the stretcher bearers to see if I 
 
 G 
 
82 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 could help get him into bed. The eye specialist 
 was sent for at once, and got there in a few min- 
 utes. We untied the big triangular bandage that 
 was keeping the wads of cotton on his head and 
 eyes, and found his eyes in a terrible condition 
 from being bandaged for over 24 hours without 
 attention. We soaked off the dressings with 
 some boric solution that I had procured from the 
 Operating Hut. There was not even a single 
 basin in the tent to which the man had been 
 brought, not to mention a nurse or medicines. 
 After a while we got the eyes open a tiny bit so 
 that they could be examined and washed out a 
 little, and then the doctor blew out : "It's a per- 
 fect crime to send a man down here in this condi- 
 tion, look at this puncture wound of this eye, 
 and see what a terrible condition his eyes are in. 
 A whole lifetime of blindness will probably be 
 the result." The patient was delirious and quite 
 incapable of understanding. Just then an older 
 officer came along and heard the remark and said : 
 " Crime ! my dear boy, you've got absolutely 
 the wrong point of view. How could they keep a 
 man like this up there at the front, from which 
 they have sent him? Don't you realize that at 
 a place like that every wounded man is simply a 
 hindrance and must be gotten out of the way? 
 Just stop and think how well they are doing to 
 get so many of them to us in any decent shape 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 83 
 
 at all." Then the other one said : " Oh, I suppose 
 so. War's the thing now, all right." After he was 
 dressed, and things had been straightened out a 
 bit, this patient was transferred to one of the 
 lines that is better equipped to take care of such 
 serious cases. He was put on the "Dangerously 
 111," and word was sent to his mother! His 
 head injury is bad, so maybe he wont live to be 
 blind. (Later. He is much better now and will 
 get well and probably have the sight of one eye.) 
 
 No man leaves here in his own clothes. It 
 couldn't be done. All the things have to be sent 
 to be disinfected and then they go to the clothes 
 tent, and then are just drawn, as clothes for so 
 many men, when the convoys go out. That is 
 unless they are going to the Convalescent Camp 
 or back to a base, then they are fitted as nearly 
 as possible and given a full equipment, but the 
 men going to England are fixed up just so that 
 they can travel. They are lucky if they can stick 
 to their little comfort bags in which are their 
 little treasures. Just so many pins that must 
 have so many moves is all they are. And they are 
 so good and patient. They are so grateful, it 
 just makes everybody wish she were a dozen 
 people and could do twelve times as much as 
 she can possibly do with her one set of arms 
 and legs. 
 
 But what will we think when we get through 
 
84 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 with it all ? How are we going to stand the mental 
 strain ? Yet others do, and go on being normal, 
 cheerful human beings, teaching bayoneting one 
 hour, and playing tennis the next, or having 
 tea with pretty nurses. Oh, it's a queer world ! 
 as the orderly said who came to tell me of a few 
 more hundred wounded expected in soon. "Isn't 
 it a cruel world?" 
 
 July 30, 1917. 
 Dearest Family : — 
 
 This is just a letter to you, not a general epistle 
 to the United States. Major Murphy has just 
 cabled to-day that we are all well, and the reason 
 that there has been such a long delay in your 
 getting our letters from France is that they were 
 held up in London. We do not know why. A num- 
 ber of friends have cabled, and that is how we 
 know that our letters have not been received. 
 I spoke to the Major about it this morning, as 
 so many nurses have said they thought they had 
 better cable, and he said he would cable Miss 
 Hudson at once, which he proceeded to do. I 
 began this last evening, but was interrupted by 
 having an orderly bring me a huge bunch of sweet- 
 peas, mignonette, etc. from a nice Colonel com- 
 manding a neighboring Infantry Base Depot. 
 Of course I had to stop and put them in such vases 
 as we have. I brought some down to the officers' 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 85 
 
 mess, where they were just finishing dinner, and 
 where I had to stay and chat a bit. 
 
 This afternoon we have had distinguished 
 guests ! Mrs. Christie, the Chief Nurse of the 
 Presbyterian Unit from N. Y. and three of her 
 nurses motored down from E. to call on me and 
 more especially Miss Allison of the Cleveland 
 Unit. It was pleasant to see them and to compare 
 notes. 
 
 My, but you all seem far away in another world. 
 But it is fun to think about you. We feel now as 
 though we had been here forever. If you have not 
 read Lord Northcliffe's new book, "At the War" 
 do get hold of it, for it describes just what we are 
 in the midst of, and everything about us and our 
 surroundings etc., not really us — of course, but 
 hospital people out here in general. One of our 
 men lent me his copy. We are going to be very 
 short of reading matter here very soon. We had 
 a small library from our steamer books, but in 
 Rouen, it seems, there are not many English books. 
 (I'm reading some French, of course.) We have 
 subscribed for a good many magazines, but none 
 have come yet, nor papers. If you should mail 
 a good novel once in so often, I believe it would 
 reach us easily and it certainly would be appre- 
 ciated. Another thing we would love to have is 
 some music. Popular new dance music, or songs, 
 and a hymn-book. We have rented a piano, but 
 
86 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 no one brought any music. We have some good 
 singers, and we need some good popular airs. I 
 believe I told you about the 12-franc violin some 
 of my girls bought me. You'd be surprised what 
 sweet tunes it can play ! The three or four old torn 
 pieces that were hanging around are almost worn 
 out and I can see that if we enjoy playing and 
 singing now, we will much more when the little 
 sitting-room end of our mess hall is the only warm 
 place to go to on a rainy, cold, winter night. So 
 there are two things you can do for me. The 
 Parcel Post is bringing things over from the 
 States already, and I guess that is the best way 
 to send things. 
 
 Everybody over here talks about the cold of 
 the winter, and we shall have no heat except in 
 occasional small oil stoves, or a coal stove, for 
 each hut. Our tented Hospital is not to be hutted 
 this year, as we have been told. But if the English 
 could stand it last year, I am sure we can. Mrs. 
 Whitelaw Reid has written to ask if we want 
 sleeping bags, and I have replied "Yes." We have 
 rubber boots, rubber hats, and rubber coats, which 
 we shall have to wear constantly. Washington is 
 trying to work out some suitable uniform for us. 
 It will take considerable imagination to design 
 a costume that will be warm enough, short enough, 
 washable, and suitable for use in tents where you 
 must dress very infected wounds. Our white 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 87 
 
 caps are absurd for popping in and out of low- 
 entranced tents. 
 
 Elsie asks how the responsibility of taking 
 care of all my people is burdening me. For a while 
 it was a pretty big burden, but now it does not 
 weigh nearly as much as it did. I have such 
 splendid people here with me. Just a few have 
 been a little troublesome, but nothing to mention. 
 And the rest are loyal, affectionate, and entirely 
 to be depended upon. The ten that came from 
 Kansas City have been bricks. The two from 
 Hannibal have turned out to be good nurses and 
 fine women, and the rest, almost all of them, de- 
 veloped fine qualities that I really did not know 
 they had in them. We have had so little trouble 
 I cannot help wondering what it is, when I hear 
 of difficulties the other Units are having. "Oh 
 yes," Matron X. said, "I have forbidden my 
 nurses to go out with officers, but they are doing 
 it." We allow ours to go out with doctors, but 
 have made the only restriction that they go in 
 groups of at least three. They have been fine 
 about it and go off half a dozen at a time, and 
 have splendid walks, etc. "Yes, I've forbidden 
 mine to smoke or drink wine in public, but they 
 do it in private, and I don't think it's any of my 
 business to meddle with their private lives," 
 said she. Our nurses talked the matter over at a 
 meeting after I had presented the whole thing to 
 
88 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 them, and voted to go on the water-wagon and 
 not to smoke while they were over here, and 
 they are doing it too ! I don't ask, or pry, but tell 
 them how proud I am of them when I can tell 
 other people of the stand my people took by them- 
 selves. Miss E. of the American Ambulance, who 
 was down here, was so much impressed by the 
 attitude of my nurses on these matters, she went 
 back to Paris and told her nurses there about 
 it, and said it made a big impression on them. 
 It is hard not to drink wine where so much 
 wine abounds, but we are not out in public 
 places much, and one can always get water or 
 their horrid cider. And the point is, my people 
 are proud of themselves, and are proud to tell 
 the English officers, who offer wine at parties, that 
 we American nurses don't drink wine. The officers 
 say : "Aren't you allowed to ? your Matron won't 
 know." Then they answer with pride, "It isn't 
 our Matron that won't let us, we decided not to 
 ourselves." By that time the officers quit fool- 
 ing, and say "Well, it's a mighty good resolution, 
 too." 
 
 You can't begin to guess how welcome your 
 letters are. Some seem to come through so very 
 quickly now. One of Mother's dated July 12 
 reached me July 28th and Elsie's of the 13th came 
 just as fast. I wish Elsie's kiddies could make 
 jigsaw puzzles for our men. They are just crazy 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 89 
 
 about them, and we arrange tables so they can 
 get at them, and they spend hours working on 
 them. It is so much easier for the one-armed ones 
 than reading. Couldn't Billy make and send me 
 one, or some knitted things. I'd give it myself 
 to one of our boys and have the boy write Billy 
 a letter. I wish I could send you pictures, but 
 we can't send a single thing. All the kodaks were 
 taken, and we each had to sign a paper that we had 
 none in our possession. I wish I could draw, 
 there are so many wonderfully interesting and 
 picturesque things about here, and right in our 
 camp. 
 
 August 8, 1917. 
 We have just finished our weekly inspection 
 by the "D. D. M. S.," which means the Deputy 
 Divisional Medical Supervisor, who is a very 
 pleasant Colonel. Every Wednesday at 3.30 we 
 all line up at the entrance to our camp and wait 
 to meet him after he gets through inspecting No. 
 10 General Hospital. By "we" I mean our "C. 
 O." Major Fife, our "M. O." Major Murphy, 
 our Liaison Officer, a British Colonel, the Quarter- 
 master, and the "Matron," me. It really is a very 
 pleasant occasion. We sit out there in the sun, 
 if there is any, on a park bench and gossip until 
 -we see the D. D. M. S. aide appear from out of the 
 last tent of No. 10, then we stand up and walk 
 
90 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 over a bit to greet him. He always shakes hands 
 with me first and asks me how I am getting along, 
 then salutes the others and has a word or two 
 with them, then turns to me and asks what I 
 want him to see. I usually turn to Major Murphy 
 and ask him if he has anything special to show 
 the Colonel, and Major Murphy says: "Let's 
 show the Colonel line so and so." I have acci- 
 dentally mentioned before what lines I would like 
 to have visited. It is usually tea time when he 
 comes, and, unless we tell the nurses to hold off 
 with the tea until after the inspection is over, the 
 tents are in a mussy state. So every Wednes- 
 day I usually warn two or three different lines 
 that I may have them inspected. To-day as 
 a matter of fact we went to three different lines 
 that had not been warned, as Major Murphy 
 wanted to show the Colonel some special cases. 
 After inspection is over, the officers take him and 
 his aide to tea in the Officers' Mess, or I take him 
 up to the Sisters' Mess. While we were making 
 rounds to-day, it began to pour, but one of my nice 
 aides brought me an umbrella and Captain Schwab 
 lent me his rain coat to save my clean white dress. 
 When I went down to the point to wait for his 
 Elegance, the sun was shining beautifully, but 
 it was about the second peep of the sun we have 
 had in over a week. And now it is pouring. — 
 I had to stop then and put on my rain hat and 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 91 
 
 coat and go up to the Sisters' Quarters with a 
 Lieutenant from the Royal Engineers, who came 
 to inspect the leaks in the roofs of the nurses' huts. 
 He saw them all right and will have them fixed. 
 
 We are wondering so much whether you are 
 getting our letters. Letters coming to us have 
 told of a long stretch of time without word from 
 us ; in fact no letters had been received from any 
 of us since we landed in France. Major Murphy 
 cabled Miss Hudson a week ago that we were 
 quite all right, so I hope none of you are worrying. 
 We heard to-day that some postcards I sent on 
 June 24th had been received, so it s v eems that 
 cards go through safely anyway. I hope that by 
 this time you are getting our letters. Wasn't 
 that account of my interview with the London 
 reporter absurd ? Of course I did not say all that 
 bosh, but I did say that I could not make any 
 comparisons between the American and the 
 English hospitals. That is what she wanted me 
 to do. I saw copies of that interview from San 
 Francisco, Detroit, Philadelphia, and St. Louis 
 papers, which shows how far a little bit of "swank" 
 can go. 
 
 It is ten days since I have written at all to any 
 one. We have been very busy, and have all had 
 long hours of work and I have not felt much like 
 writing when I have had the time to do so. The 
 pressure has now let up a bit, but I think it will 
 
92 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 be only a temporary let-up. Our hospital is very 
 full and we have many very bad cases. My nurses 
 are beginning to show the effect of the emotional 
 strain. Their nerves are a bit on edge, and I find 
 that when they lose for a few days time-off-duty, 
 as they all have been doing, they are not standing 
 the strain and loss as well as they did the last 
 time we were so busy. I have had about a dozen 
 of them weeping, so I am hunting about for more 
 forms of diversion. The continuous rainy, damp 
 weather, the accumulating emotional strain, and 
 the real hard work are having an effect upon them 
 all that is bothering me. There is a convalescent 
 hospital for Sisters at E., to which I can send one 
 or two at a time for a short rest as soon as I can 
 spare them. But I do not want to have to begin 
 to do that yet. So we are having a little dance 
 in our Mess to-morrow night and perhaps I can 
 get up some bridge parties or some other games. 
 Our sitting-room space is so small we are very 
 much handicapped but if it will only clear up, 
 we could play some outdoor games. You see my 
 real problems are beginning. I would have given 
 a good deal myself to have had some one like 
 Mother to weep on, last Sunday. You can imagine 
 how I miss my older women friends. Naturally 
 I cannot do any weeping here, since I have to be 
 wept on; but there are times when it would be 
 such a comfort to be braced myself. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 93 
 
 There was nothing really wrong on Sunday, 
 but that day we had so many sick men to look 
 after, and things got a bit complicated and several 
 nurses got hysterical and I felt things were just 
 too much. Any one would have thought so if 
 they had seen our poor gassed men who are so 
 terribly burnt. One of my most stolid nurses 
 came to me that day and said " I just don't know 
 how I am going to stand it, taking care of so and 
 so." I said "Why not?" and she replied, "When 
 he was brought in to us he was so badly burned 
 we could hardly see any part of him that we 
 could touch except the back of his neck; but 
 that isn't the worst part, instead of cursing or 
 moaning he was singing, and I just can't stand 
 that." It isn't only women that are affected by 
 these things, the men don't weep often, but they 
 come near it. And they get just as edgey and 
 worn to a frazzle. They lose more sleep than the 
 nurses do, for they have to get up in the night all 
 the time, to operate, or attend to patients, or 
 look after convoys, in or out. 
 
 I want to tell you about the most unique day 
 I ever had in my life. It was last Monday when I 
 and five other nurses went out for our gas train- 
 ing. All soldiers receive gas training, as you know, 
 and are fitted with gas helmets, which they take 
 with them to the front. Recently all doctors and 
 nurses who go up to the Casualty Clearing Sta- 
 
94 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 tions have been given gas training too. Only 
 about ten nurses so far have had this training. 
 We have already sent one surgical team to the 
 front, including one nurse, and I have been quite 
 determined that I shall go as soon as possible. 
 Major M. hasn't been altogether willing that I 
 should, thinking that I ought to stay here with 
 my children, but I have pointed out to him that 
 Miss T. and the Supervisors could take care of 
 them perfectly well, and he has consented to let 
 me go. I want some real manual work with the 
 patients and I can't get it here, for I have to do so 
 much office work. I have been going down to 
 the operating room as much as I could to help 
 a little and get my hand in, but I cannot get there 
 often. Major M. says I can't go with him, for 
 I must not be gone while he is away, so I am to 
 wait and go with Major C. Now about gas train- 
 ing. There is a regular school here where thousands 
 of soldiers are given their training daily. It takes 
 the greater part of the day. I cannot describe it. 
 You will have to wait till I get home. But we 
 had our masks tested first in a room filled with 
 lachrymating gas ; we were drilled in putting them 
 on any number of times, for speed is a very impor- 
 tant element, so each motion is counted and timed. 
 We were lectured for an hour, the most interest- 
 ing and barbarous lecture I ever heard in my life. 
 It is at one and the same time the refinement of 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 95 
 
 science and civilization, and of hideous barbarism. 
 We had lunch in a dugout with the officers of the 
 school, for the school is in the middle of a huge 
 plain, and then we were taken into a trench filled 
 with lachrymating gas so that we would know 
 what it is like. This without helmets. Then 
 with three officers, one before, one in the middle, 
 and one behind our string of six nurses, and a 
 medical officer standing outside, we were taken 
 into a closed, tunnel-like affair into which chlorine 
 gas was being poured in clouds from special pipes. 
 We of course had our masks on and were all 
 carefully inspected before we went in. This gas 
 would not hurt us, they say, but we get the smell 
 and get used to wearing the masks and are ready 
 afterwards to get our certificate. 
 
 August 20, 1917. 
 
 The last letter I wrote was August 8th and here 
 it is the 20th. The time goes so very rapidly I 
 forget when I last wrote and am surprised to find 
 that it is over a week. We have not been so very 
 busy these past two weeks, I mean not as we were 
 before then. It has not been raining as much 
 these past few days, to our great relief, and we are 
 beginning to get dried out a bit. When mattresses 
 begin to get moldy inside of huts, it has been pretty 
 damp. The spirits of my people are improving 
 under the let-up of strain, but they are showing 
 
96 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 a few physical signs of the over-fatigue. We have 
 been having a number of infected fingers and other 
 little things and have really broken our good health 
 record. I have one nurse, Miss S., away at E. for 
 a ten days' change at a lovely Convalescent Home 
 for Sisters, and another is to go soon, — Miss M. 
 who had a bad attack of bronchitis. Miss S. had 
 a lot of little infections which showed she was 
 below par. Then yesterday we had our most 
 serious trouble, for we had to send Miss S. to 
 the Hospital for Sick Sisters here in Rouen to 
 have an operation due to an old injury. The 
 British officials could not have been more courte- 
 ous to us. They made it possible for our men to 
 perform the operation and let one of my nurses 
 go and stay with Miss S. The operation was a 
 very long, serious one. Major M. and Major C. 
 operated and Miss S. assisted while I held the 
 arm. The operation was performed in the Oper- 
 ating Room of No. 8 General Hospital, which is 
 five minutes' ride from the "Sick Sisters" where 
 there is no Operating Room. She was taken 
 back in an ambulance before she was out of 
 ether. The "Sick Sisters" is a lovely place on 
 the other side of Rouen, about 8 miles from here. 
 We go and come in a little Ford Ambulance. 
 Major M. and I have been over to-day, and every- 
 thing is getting along beautifully. We took our 
 second patient over with us to-day, — Miss P., with 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 97 
 
 a bad infected thumb. We are not supposed to 
 keep a sick sister in Quarters more than 24 hours. 
 We have been very lucky up to now in not hav- 
 ing to send any one away. But this hospital is 
 ideal. It is taken care of by British doctors and 
 Sisters and is in a lovely location, higher than the 
 spire of Rouen Cathedral. It is worrying to have 
 my children sick, but it is good to know what 
 excellent care they will get when they are sick 
 enough to be sent away from us. 
 
 We have been having some lovely walks these 
 past few days, since the rains have let up. There 
 are loads of beautiful places to go to all around. 
 One can take a little excursion boat from Rouen, 
 down the river a bit, then get off and walk back 
 here through the woods. Several times I have 
 gone with some good walker into town, late in 
 the afternoon, had supper in a most interesting 
 little French cafe, and walked out here afterwards, 
 making a nice walk of about 7 or 8 miles. The 
 evenings are light and the sunsets wonderful and 
 the crowds going home across the big bridges 
 and out in our direction are most interesting. 
 Ruth has walked one way with me but not the 
 two. She is on day duty now, but I do not get a 
 chance to go out with her very much as I cannot 
 plan my free times much beforehand. 
 
 Yesterday we had two very interesting callers : 
 Miss Draper and Miss Hoyt from New York. 
 
 H 
 
98 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 They looked very smart in neat gray and blue 
 uniform suits with A. R. C. on the shoulder 
 straps. They said they were sent to make inquiries 
 about hospital needs for the American Red Cross. 
 They were very charming and pleasant and I 
 liked very much talking with them. They came 
 just as we were starting to leave to attend to our 
 operation, so we asked them to come back to sup- 
 per, which they did. They had driven down from 
 Paris in Major (Dr.) Alex. Lambert's car, a humble 
 For d , they called it . It looked pretty b eautif ul to us . 
 On the 13th I got a telegram from Philip 
 saying he had landed at Liverpool on the 11th. 
 I wonder where he is and hope I shall be able 
 to communicate with him soon. I had to stop 
 there to take a patient's mother down to see 
 him. The boy is very badly hurt in several places, 
 two legs and one arm. A nice Y. M. C. A. person 
 just turned her over to me. It is a wonder- 
 ful system that brings a relative out here, almost 
 personally conducted the whole way. This Y. M. 
 C. A. person also brought the brother of another 
 of our patients, but he got here too late and I had 
 to tell him that his brother died last evening. He 
 can be here for the funeral to-morrow anyway, 
 and he can talk to the nurses who looked after 
 the boy in his last hours. The Y. M. C. A. lady 
 took him away for the night, but will bring him 
 back to-morrow. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 99 
 
 There is not very much of special interest to 
 chronicle just at present. I am very well myself 
 and trust I am going to stay so. Our food is quite 
 good and sufficient. We all have huge appetites 
 from being out of doors so much. 
 
 We are longing for letters very badly. It must 
 be about three weeks now since I have had a 
 line from the States. I get some letters every day, 
 but they are mostly from England about patients 
 or from people in the locality, on business. There 
 goes the third aeroplane that has flown over us 
 in the past half hour. They are such pretty things. 
 I should like to have a ride in one. 
 
 With loads of love to you all. This is a stupid 
 letter, I know, but they can't all be thrilling, for 
 naturally there have to be many unthrilling days. 
 
 Julia. 
 
 August 28, 1917. 
 
 For almost 24 hours we have been having one 
 of the severest wind storms I have ever seen. 
 It has been beautiful. It has been pouring for 
 two days, then last evening it began to blow, and 
 such a whistling and shrieking and rattling as 
 there was. Up in our grove our little huts were 
 pretty well protected, but the trees lashed them- 
 selves with fury, [and branches broke, and doors 
 and windows slammed and smashed. Several 
 small tents were blown down, but no serious 
 
100 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 damage was done. All day it has been blowing 
 great guns and it has been gray and cold, like a 
 late Fall day. I have been in the office all day 
 doing accounts and other tiresome things, with 
 one or two trips to the lines for various purposes. 
 Miss Taylor had been off all the afternoon. I 
 had tea in the Officers' Mess, which made a 
 diversion of a few minutes. One of my Colonel 
 friends sent over some sweet peas and dahlias, 
 and I took some down for the officers' tables, 
 and got invited to tea, so stayed a few minutes. 
 Their mess is a bare, barracky kind of room under 
 the grand stand. 
 
 Yesterday I had a little different kind of day. 
 All the morning I was in and out of the office, 
 down on the lines, and all over in the pour. Then 
 at 12 : 30 the Major and I went over in the am- 
 bulance to the Sick Sisters' Hospital to see our 
 invalids and take out the final stitches. Our 
 lady with the serious operation has been doing 
 wonderfully well from the very beginning. She 
 has been up and about for several days, though 
 she was operated upon only nine days ago. She 
 will be back on duty before very long, if every- 
 thing continues as it has been going. We shall 
 probably send her to the Sisters' Convalescent 
 Home for ten days after she is well enough to go. 
 It is such a blessing to have such splendid places 
 to have our sick nurses taken care of. I have one 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 101 
 
 nurse now, at E., recovering from bronchitis, and 
 just this operation case, and the nurse with the 
 badly infected finger, so I feel we are doing mighty 
 well. Well, after our visit to the hospital, we rode 
 back to town in the pour, and had lunch at 
 Rouen's best hotel, the Hotel de la Poste. It is 
 a regulation Continental hotel, full of staff officers, 
 and has excellent food. We in uniform were the 
 only Americans there, but we saw a number of 
 our English friends. Afterwards we separated to 
 do various errands. I had a long seance at the 
 Base Cashier's, where I received 18,000 francs 
 from the British Government for my nurse mess, 
 laundry, and field allowance for July, and had to 
 sign my name 138 times. Then I went to the 
 bank and deposited the money and straightened 
 out some difficulties there. That bank is so stupid, 
 and makes so many mistakes ; one has to watch 
 them very carefully. Then I paid a rations bill of 
 £91, was picked up by the ambulance, went to 
 buy a sewing machine for the nurses, and drove 
 back to the hospital. 
 
 It poured all the time, but I enjoyed being out 
 in the rain, for I was properly dressed. I had on 
 my heavy army boots, leather gaiters, blue serge 
 uniform under my nice belted tan raincoat, and 
 my blue uniform hat. My feet were not exactly 
 dainty and ladylike, but they were so comfortable 
 and dry. All of us who have large enough feet are 
 
102 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 getting our shoes from the quartermaster, and 
 those with small feet are bewailing their fate. 
 Our paths are all mud and sharp stones, and the 
 ordinary sole of a woman's regular shoe lasts 
 about two weeks, and even when new does not 
 prevent the stones from hurting one's feet. The 
 shoe question is going to be a problem this winter. 
 I started the fashion of wearing these very heavy 
 army shoes, then many clamored for them ; since 
 I wore leather gaiters yesterday, Major Murphy 
 says he thinks I had better have all the nurses 
 get them. 
 
 Sept. 2, 1917 — Sunday : We all have rubber 
 boots. Some had bought them for themselves and 
 some were sent by Mrs. Whitelaw Reid. She is 
 being a regular fairy godmother to us. She has 
 sent me, as a personal present from her, the most 
 wonderful Jaeger sleeping bag. It's a perfect 
 beauty, and so soft and warm. She is sending 
 sleeping bags for all the nurses, but I imagine 
 not fancy ones like mine. She sent us sheets and 
 pillowcases, which we were so glad to have, as we 
 had been using stained old things that had been 
 issued to us from the hospital supplies. She also 
 has sent extra hot-water bottles, instrument kits, 
 rubber aprons, rubber coats, and hats, and she 
 has just written that she is going to attend to 
 getting gray uniforms for us. She is Chairman of 
 the London Chapter of the American Red Cross, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 103 
 
 and is apparently much interested in the Amer- 
 ican nurses that are with the British forces. 
 She has just written that she will send us woolen 
 spencer waists to wear under our uniforms, if I 
 want them. I think I shall let her send them. 
 She has also written that she would like me to 
 run over to London to talk things over with her. 
 I should like to go, but I am afraid I cannot, as 
 Dr. Murphy is just about to go up to the front 
 with a surgical team. 
 
 I made my final trip over to the Hospital for 
 Sick Sisters yesterday to see Miss S. before she goes 
 to the Convalescent Home at E. She has en- 
 tirely recovered, and has made a most remarkable 
 record for herself and our surgeons. We shall have 
 her back on duty in a very few days, probably 
 about ten. 
 
 Sept. 3d : This letter has been written at several 
 different sittings, and the result is going to be 
 pretty poor. Now that I have not such interest- 
 ing descriptions to give you or accounts of ad- 
 ventures, I am almost ashamed to send on these 
 dull commonplace letters. It is a glorious, cool, 
 sunny day to-day, and the hospital is not very 
 heavy. I have been off duty a while, sitting under 
 the trees up in our compound, reading an Atlantic 
 Monthly story aloud to Ruth as she lay on a 
 blanket on the ground. Her mother has just sent 
 her some Centurys and the August Atlantic. We 
 
104 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 are getting the Scribner, and Dr. Clop ton brought 
 me his August Harper's Monthly, so we feel very 
 rich. But for 69 American nurses these few copies 
 won't go very far. In a little while the band from 
 a neighboring base depot is coming to play for 
 our patients. I have been trying to manage this 
 for some time, and at last the day has come. 
 And to-night there is to be another little dance 
 in our mess. All our tables have to be taken out, 
 but we keep our guests after the ball is over, and 
 make them bring the tables back and help set 
 them for breakfast. To-night our officers are giv- 
 ing the party, and we are the guests, but in our 
 mess, as that is the only possible place for danc- 
 ing. We have had word from Washington that 
 30 more nurses are coming to us. We shall then 
 lose our V. A. D.'s, for which I shall be sorry, for 
 though they are more or less of a problem, the 
 advantage of having an interesting group like 
 them in such close contact outweighs any diffi- 
 culties I may have with them. 
 
 We are all wonderfully well, and everything is 
 well with us. In spite of all that I say about 
 bands and dances and the sun shining, there is 
 always the other side. Almost every day we have 
 a death, if not more than one. Night before last 
 a poor boy died of tetanus, and just a few days 
 ago we had the sad experience of helping a poor 
 mother watch her son die, oh so hard. We had 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 105 
 
 sent for her from England, and she was so glad 
 to be here. She came every day from the 
 Y. M. C. A. hostel, and sat by his side. He knew 
 her when she first came. He had such terrible 
 wounds, and he could not stand the awful infec- 
 tion of them all. She was here with him all that 
 last night, and when he stopped breathing about 
 three o'clock, Miss Claiborne, the Surgical Night 
 Supervisor, took her away to the night nurses' 
 hut, a tiny place where they have their suppers 
 at midnight. She made her some coffee and 
 wrapped her in blankets and fixed her comfortably 
 in chairs. The poor soul did not weep a tear. 
 She slept till morning, then went back to her 
 hostel, and slept all day, the Y. M. C. A. worker 
 told us. The next day she came to get his little 
 belongings. I took her down to the mortuary, 
 and it was not until she saw the flowers Miss 
 Watkins had put down there on him that she 
 went to pieces. She went to the funeral that 
 afternoon, then left, so full of gratitude to us, 
 as though we had done anything. 
 
 Sept. 3. 
 Dearest Family : — 
 
 Such a wonderful lot of letters as I've had re- 
 cently. I am sending Mother's letter on to Phil. 
 I have had two notes from him. He is so lucky 
 in having the splendid chance he has, so near the 
 
106 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 front. Our men envy him. I will try to keep 
 close track of him, and write him often, so he 
 won't feel so far away ; and if he should get sick 
 or hurt, he is to have my address on him all the 
 time, and I could get to him at once. I am sure I 
 have sufficient pull with officials, and I should 
 work it hard. He is, of course, in much more 
 danger than we are here. You must realize that. 
 But there are not so many dressing stations and 
 field ambulances shelled or bombed. And he will 
 be all right. He is lucky to be there, and I wish 
 I were too. I suppose he will write you that there 
 is no danger, but I want you to know the truth. 
 A Clearing Station was bombed the other day, and 
 people killed and an American nurse injured, and 
 he is nearer the front than that Clearing Station, 
 we understand. I'll let you know everything I 
 know, so don't worry; and if he gets hurt, I'll 
 look after him all I can. 
 
 Loads and loads of love to you all. You must 
 not think I am doing anything but exactly 
 what I wanted most to do, and there is no 
 heroism in that. I am very happy at being so 
 much better. 
 
 3d Canadian b. b. s. 
 
 4th Sept., 1917. 
 Dear Miss Stimson : — 
 
 This note is on behalf of your brother, who was 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 107 
 
 admitted to-day into this hospital, slightly 
 wounded in the muscles of the back by shrapnel. 
 There is no cause for alarm. He will be sent 
 on to the Base after a short treatment here, and 
 will let you know from there how he is getting 
 along. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 T. M. 
 Chaplain. 
 
 B. E. F. 
 
 4-9 17 
 
 Dear Miss Stimson : — 
 
 I very much regret to have to inform you that 
 your brother was wounded this morning, he was 
 hit in the back, and I don't think it is serious; 
 the piece of shell entered his back just below the 
 right scapula in a slanting direction. I sent him 
 on immediately to C. C. S., and I am advising 
 him to try to get down to your hospital. The 
 Boche began shelling our Dressing Station and we 
 thought they had finished and went back to our 
 tents, when he sent a parting shot — so to speak, 
 which nearly got the lot of us. I think he will be 
 able to write to you himself to-morrow, so there 
 is no need to worry. He has proved himself a 
 very good officer whilst with me, and I am very 
 sorry to have to lose him, as we very rarely get 
 
108 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 them back, once they go to the Base. I greatly 
 regret that this has happened. 
 Believe me, 
 
 Very sincerely yours, 
 
 G. H. L. H., 
 Lieut. Col. 
 
 Sept. 8, 1917. 
 Dearest Mother : — 
 
 By the time this reaches you you will have re- 
 ceived my cable about Phil. I will repeat what I 
 said just in case it may not have arrived safely. 
 I sent it this noon. "Phil slight shrapnel wound 
 right shoulder. To be brought here. Don't worry. 
 Will cable often." The news came in the mail 
 that came in this morning. The two inclosed 
 notes were in the bunch of letters that I received. 
 I read the Chaplain's first and afterwards found 
 the one from the Colonel. I shall write to thank 
 both these people who were so kind as to write 
 me. I have been able to get a little more informa- 
 tion about Phil from Major C. of the Cleveland 
 Unit. Last evening Major C. telephoned me 
 but I was undressed and could not go to the 
 telephone. Miss Taylor took the message and 
 said that Major C. just wanted to know if I 
 knew where my brother was. She has told him 
 that I did not know exactly, but that he was at 
 some Field dressing station with a B. E. F. unit. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 109 
 
 That was all. This morning, wondering why Major 
 C. was asking about Phil, I called him up and 
 had just the same conversation with the Major. 
 He said he had himself just come down from the 
 front and that there were a number of Americans 
 up there and wasn't it pleasant for me to have 
 my brother over here? I still wondered why this 
 conversation, until the mail came. Then I called 
 up Major C. again and asked him if he knew 
 that Phil was wounded, and he said Yes ; he had 
 seen him but had not wanted to tell me until I 
 had been notified some other way. He said that 
 Phil had been stationed not very far from where 
 he was, and when he heard that he was hurt, he 
 had gone over to see him. This was the morning 
 after the accident. He said he saw Phil soon after 
 the operation. I said operation ? and he said, "Yes, 
 the usual operation removing the shrapnel pieces 
 and opening up for drainage." He said Phil had 
 been in a good deal of pain at the time but was 
 sitting up in bed. He could not write himself as 
 it was his right shoulder. He said, "I talked over 
 with him about where he wanted to go and he 
 said he wanted to be brought to No. 12 General." 
 I broke in, "Will they allow that since this is not 
 an officers' hospital?" He said, "Oh yes, if that 
 is what the officer wants. They have the oppor- 
 tunity to choose where they want to be sent, and 
 Phil had chosen here." "Of course," Major C. 
 
110 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 said, "this may not be final that he is to come to 
 you, but I personally saw all the authorities I 
 could and I think he will be brought to you very 
 soon." Then he went on to say, "You may take 
 it from me you need not worry about your brother's 
 condition, for it is not a serious wound. It probably 
 will take a long time to heal as it is a deep muscle 
 wound, but there is no occasion for anxiety." I 
 thanked him profusely for his kindness and hung 
 up. 
 
 Then I went to Col. Fife, who was terribly nice 
 and said he would make inquiries at once about 
 having Phil brought here. He told me afterwards 
 that he communicated with the D. D. M. S. 
 (Deputy Divisional Medical Supervisor), who is 
 responsible for all the hospitals in this area, and 
 now all I can do is to wait. It must be that the 
 boy will be brought down on the next convoy. 
 He was hurt the 4th and this is the 8th, so I may 
 expect him any time. But of course he has to be 
 sent on a regular ambulance train. Col. Fife 
 and I talked the matter over and I told him I 
 knew Phil would rather be put in one of our 
 hospital tents and be taken care of here among 
 his friends than be sent to any fancy officers' 
 hospital. Major Murphy left this morning with 
 our second Surgical team to go to the front, as 
 luck would have it, but Major Clopton will give 
 him every possible care when the boy gets here. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 111 
 
 There is much interest and solicitude here in 
 the camp about Phil, for his is the first real casualty 
 that has happened to a relative or friend of any 
 of us. When Phil gets here, if he does not feel too 
 badly, he will be just spoiled to death. Major 
 Clopton says that there are excellent doctors up 
 at the 3d Canadian C. C. S. where he was taken. 
 And Dr. Schwab spoke up and said that they have 
 a good neurologist there too, and it's sure to be 
 a good hospital if there's a good neurologist there. 
 The other men laughed and said, " That is why this 
 is such a good hospital, isn't it ? " (Dr. Schwab is 
 our neurologist and is a splendid one too.) 
 
 I have just been notified that a convoy is to be 
 prepared for at 1 a.m. and I shall be on hand to 
 meet it on the chance that Phil may come in it. 
 I shall leave this letter open until after the convoy 
 is in. 
 
 I cabled because I was so afraid the English 
 authorities might send a message to you, and 
 any way I was sure you had rather know the exact 
 facts always just as soon as possible. I shall be so 
 relieved when the boy gets here and I can look 
 after him. For when he is once here, he will get 
 as good care as he could get in any place in the 
 world. I'm so glad I'm a nurse and am here. 
 Isn't it wonderful for me to be here ? 
 
 P.S. Phil did not come on the convoy last night. 
 I saw Major C, who said that Phil was to re- 
 
112 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 ceive every care, because he had spoken to the 
 officers in charge of him and had identified him 
 and told them who he was. 
 
 Sept. 10, 1917. 
 
 Monday. 
 Dearest Mother : — 
 
 Another day has gone and I have not made 
 much progress about getting Philip here. After 
 much telephoning and pulling wires we have found 
 out that Phil has been sent to No. 20 General 
 Hospital at E. and is likely to be transferred 
 to England. I am going to raise the roof to-day — 
 to see if I can't go there to see the D. D. M. S. of 
 that area and see why the boy can't be brought 
 here. I am going to do everything possible before 
 I give up, and anyway I shall see him, for if he 
 gets sent to England, I shall go over. I was going 
 anyway next week, as Mrs. Whitelaw Reid had 
 written for me to come over about uniforms, etc. 
 and Major Murphy and Col. Fife had said they 
 thought I ought to go, so I'll go anyway if Phil 
 gets sent over there, but probably not if I can 
 get him here. All reports are that his condition is 
 good. 
 
 It just occurred to me that you may not have 
 received my letter of the 8th — telling all I know 
 about his injury. The inclosed notes were my 
 original information. I will cable just as soon as 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 113 
 
 I know anything more definite. You poor old 
 dears — you'll be so shocked by my cable just 
 as I was by these notes Saturday. I felt sick at 
 my stomach all day after getting them. But don't 
 you worry, Phil is strong and he will get well fast. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Sept. 19, 1917. 
 
 You cannot imagine how much my mind is at 
 rest, for I have Phil here with me and everything 
 is all right. After waiting and waiting for some 
 word as to the chances of bringing him down from 
 C, on Saturday last, the 15th, I called the Aide 
 of the D. D. M. S., and asked him to see what 
 he could do for me. On Sunday he telephoned 
 that he had learned that Phil was not able to 
 travel, but that I could have an ambulance and go 
 up Monday morning, the 17th, and see the boy. It 
 was necessary to send an ambulance up to N. to 
 bring a Chinaman up to the British hospital for 
 Chinese that is there. I was told I could take an 
 officer with me if I wanted to and if we found 
 Phil well enough to travel, we could bring him 
 down. So I asked Capt. Veeder to go with me, 
 and Col. Fife gave us both two days' leave of 
 absence. It is about 130 miles to C. We left at 
 10 a.m., and I took with me all the things that 
 we might possibly need if we were to bring Philip 
 
114 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 back, extra pillows, a feeding cup, thermos, hypo- 
 dermic set, etc., etc. 
 
 We had a beautiful trip up. The country for 
 two thirds of the way is most lovely and the day 
 was beautiful. Both Capt. Veeder and I sat on 
 the front seat with the driver. The car was a 
 great big regular ambulance that can be used to 
 carry four stretcher cases. The shelves for the 
 two upper cases can be hooked up. We made very 
 good time. Had dinner at a little hotel in E., 
 stopped twenty minutes to say hello to our friends 
 of the Philadelphia Unit, had our tea en route from 
 the lunch box we brought from here, dropped our 
 Chinaman at N., and dashed on along the coast 
 and reached C. about 6 : 30. 
 
 We went to the Chicago Unit's hospital and 
 were taken in most cordially by Miss Urch, the 
 chief nurse, and Capt. Veeder by Col. Collins, the 
 Commanding Officer. They told us that 20 Gen- 
 eral was just next door, and that Phil was getting 
 along finely. Col. Collins had seen him. He said 
 he thought we could take him back with us and 
 that we would go down to see him right after 
 dinner. Meanwhile he would send word that I was 
 coming. 
 
 After dinner he escorted us through the pitch- 
 black darkness to the hospital. On account of 
 recent air raids they have no outside light at night 
 and no unshaded inside. The result is very spooky. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 115 
 
 Ten days or so ago the Boche had flown over and 
 dropped some bombs on those hospitals, killing a 
 doctor from Boston, attached to the Peter Bent 
 Brigham Unit which is at C. also, and right next 
 door to the Chicago Unit and their officers' hos- 
 pital where Phil was. Several other people had 
 been hurt, some doctors and enlisted men. I saw 
 a crater made by one of the shells. Phil was sitting 
 propped up in bed and he seemed mighty glad to 
 see me. He had no temperature and the M. 0. 
 said I could take him the next day : so we told 
 them to have him ready at 10 a.m., and left. 
 He did not look very badly, and, although his 
 back is very painful when he moves and he finds 
 it difficult to stay in one position very long, we 
 could tell that the trip down would really not do 
 him any greater harm than to tire him very much. 
 There was no danger of hemorrhage. 
 
 Then we went back to No. 12 Unit and were 
 each of us given the greatest hospitality. I had 
 my first tub bath since I left London, though I 
 took it by the light of my electric torch. The 
 quarters up there are better than ours, but our 
 location is much better than any of the others 
 that we saw. We came back even more satisfied 
 with our station than we were when we left. 
 We got a good start in the morning, having the 
 personal attention of Col. Patterson of the Boston 
 Unit and Col. Collins of the Chicago Unit and the 
 
116 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 M. O. of the 20 General and several other people. 
 The pillows that we fitted around Phil's back 
 made it quite bearable for him, and frequent 
 turnings and readjustments and feedings and 
 pleasant converse made the hours go pretty 
 rapidly. Capt. Veeder spelled me on sitting inside 
 on the little hard seat between the two stretcher 
 places. It was fearfully dusty, but I had plenty 
 of nice cloths and could keep the boy fairly 
 comfortable. We stopped for lunch coming back 
 at E. Capt. Veeder and I went inside to see 
 about ordering and to let Phil rest quietly a few 
 minutes while we had our lunch. We were near 
 the window of the dining-room, when suddenly I 
 saw the wife of the inn-keeper climbing into the 
 ambulance with a large loaf of bread in one hand 
 and a plate of something in the other. I rushed 
 out to stop her and pulled her out looking quite 
 horrified and saying "beaucoup malade." Phil 
 had wakened up from a little nap and was con- 
 vulsed to see her standing there holding out the 
 loaf of bread to him. I took the food back inside 
 and in a few minutes the Captain and I fed him 
 comfortably with a nice little audience standing 
 around with much curiosity. Then we went on our 
 way, stopping once more about 4 to get some hot 
 tea and to have a little lunch. 
 
 We reached here at 6 : 45 and really I don't 
 think Phil was much the worse for wear except 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 117 
 
 very dirty and pretty tired. Col. Fife and Major 
 Clopton met us and made arrangements to have 
 him put in an empty tent, so the stretcher bearers 
 pulled him out of the ambulance and carried him 
 in and we got him into a nice, clean, comfortable 
 bed, and you can imagine he was pretty glad to 
 get there. His dinner was soon sent down to him 
 from the officers' mess and he was cleaned up 
 just enough to make him comfortable. Major 
 Clopton decided not to do his dressing until the 
 next morning, but to let him rest. He had a fairly 
 comfortable night, he said, sleeping at intervals, 
 but he had not been sleeping well before he left 
 C. The next morning his temperature was only 
 99.6, so you see the trip really did not do him any 
 harm. When Major Clopton dressed him at 10, 
 I went down to watch. He has what to you would 
 appear to be a pretty nasty wound, but what 
 compared to so many of the things we see here 
 is really a very small matter. A jagged piece of 
 shell about an inch long entered just below the 
 lower angle of his right shoulder blade and tore 
 right down through the muscles to the sacro- 
 iliac joint, which is where the pelvic bones join 
 the spine. It did not injure his spine at all, for 
 he can move very well except that he has pain. 
 The doctors at the Clearing Station opened up the 
 whole tract almost, which was of course necessary 
 for free drainage. 
 
118 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Phil said that after the dressing the wound felt 
 very much more comfortable. He eats finely and 
 is now having the time of his life, having all his old 
 friends visit him and make much of him. I have 
 not had much time to talk with him since I have 
 been back, for of course there was accumulated work 
 for me to attend to, but I am so relieved to have 
 him here it does not matter whether I have time 
 to spend with him or not. I have seen that he has 
 plenty of magazines and picture puzzles to do, 
 and he has been reading to-day all the letters 
 from the various members of the family that I 
 have received in the past month, and also the 
 copies of all my letters to you all. I shall see him 
 to-night probably. We shall have him up in a 
 chair out in the sun to-morrow ; in fact he may 
 have been out to-day. He is occupying a tent 
 alone although there are 13 other beds in the 
 tent where he is. I have said that he does not 
 need to stay alone, but while we are light it can 
 easily be managed. He has a convalescent patient 
 as his personal servant, a "blue boy," as we call 
 them, a "light duty patient" who is so proud 
 because he has an officer to wait on. There are 
 American orderlies in his division of course, but 
 the blue boy fetches his meals and putters over 
 him, etc. Of course my nurses are in charge. 
 
 I brought all his kit and belongings down 
 with him in the ambulance. I have his metal 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 119 
 
 helmet hanging here in my office. You can't 
 really imagine what a narrow escape he had 
 until you see the dent in the edge of the thick 
 steel hat that was made by the piece of shell. 
 It broke the edge and made a curved dent 
 about an inch wide. It is a perfect miracle he 
 was not killed. It was the helmet that saved his 
 life. He is so marvelously fortunate, for no perma- 
 nent damage has been done, and Major Clopton 
 does not think he will have any permanent dis- 
 ability, and he might so easily have been killed 
 or paralyzed by that little piece of shell. 
 
 Friday, Sept. 28, 1917. 
 
 Yesterday afternoon I was writing a little note 
 here in my office when I heard the bugles sound 
 for calling the convoy party and I finished my 
 note saying, there comes the convoy we have 
 been expecting and I must get busy. I must tell 
 you how busy we got. It is now a little more than 
 24 hours later. On my way to the receiving tents I 
 met a sergeant, who said to me that the men coming 
 in were in very bad shape. They were being carried 
 out from the receiving tents as fast as possible, 
 after their cards had been made out and their 
 throats examined for diphtheria suspects. We 
 have had a lot of diphtheria brought to us and a 
 number of our own people have caught it. We 
 now have four nurses away in the contagious 
 
120 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 hospital near here, one has diphtheria and the 
 other three had positive throats without any 
 clinical symptoms, so they just have to be kept 
 away from everybody until they are negative. 
 So all suspected throats are isolated in a special 
 line until cultures can be made and examined. 
 
 Capt. Rainey, who is Acting Chief of the 
 Surgical Service in the absence of Major Murphy, 
 and Major Clopton, spoke to me in the tents and 
 said we have a big night's work ahead of us, for 
 many of these men will have to be operated on at 
 once. They have had nothing done to them but 
 their first-aid dressings and they are in pretty 
 bad shape. He then asked me to go with a special 
 case that was in very bad condition and see that 
 he got a saline stimulation at once. This boy, a 
 head case, was scheduled for Line B, tent 2, and 
 as I went into the tent with the stretcher bearers, 
 another patient was being brought in by two more 
 bearers. The nurse spoke up and said that she 
 had only one empty bed. It was apparent then 
 that the assigner had made a mistake. I told the 
 bearers to put their patients down on the floor, 
 and giving a hurried glance at the other patient 
 and a hasty feel of his pulse, I decided that my 
 patient was in the poorer condition, so I got the 
 bearers to put him into the empty bed and sent 
 one of the other carriers back to the receiving 
 tent for instructions about the other man. Mean- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 121 
 
 while I got things started for the saline subcu- 
 taneous infusion. In a couple of minutes, the 
 bearer came back and said he had been told to 
 put his patient in the nearest vacant bed and 
 report later where he had put him. We had a 
 vacant bed in B 2, so we carried him in there 
 and got him into bed. We asked the man if he 
 could help himself at all as he was huge, and there 
 is always great difficulty lifting patients off of the 
 stretchers because there is so little space between 
 the beds and the two carriers can't do much more 
 than hold the stretcher at the bed level. Mrs. 
 Hausmann, the Supervisor, came along just that 
 moment, and an up-patient; when the patient 
 said it was his back that was hurt and he could not 
 help himself, we knew then how to proceed and 
 between us we lifted him on his blanket and got 
 him on the bed until the bearers could put down 
 their stretcher and then help us get the blanket 
 out and make him comfortable. While doing this 
 I noticed that one of his legs was crossed over the 
 other and I straightened it out and saw big purple 
 spots where they had been in contact. Realizing 
 from this that they had been crossed a long time, 
 we discovered that he was totally paralyzed from 
 his waist down. On his card it said " Penetrating 
 wound of spine, not operated on." 
 
 The poor fellow immediately went off into heavy 
 sleep, as they almost always do, they are so glad 
 
122 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 to stop being jiggled, and I went to report to 
 Capt. Rainey and to get extra operating-room 
 nurses ready. We had taken in 130 patients from 
 that convoy, but every one is immediately ex- 
 amined by the staff men who make their report 
 to Capt. Rainey, who in no time had a list of 
 15 needing immediate operation. 
 
 A steady stream of patients is carried into the 
 X-ray room and from there either directly to the 
 operating room or back to their tents. The plates 
 are developed almost immediately and are ex- 
 amined while wet and stuck up in improvised 
 holders on the windows of the operating room. 
 They all showed foreign bodies and often bubbles, 
 indicating the dreaded infection by the "gas 
 bacillus, " which causes such dreadful gas gangrene. 
 All these cases have to be opened up and the 
 necrotic tissue cleaned out. Then we began in 
 the operating room. Miss Taylor was on duty in 
 the office, so I was free to help in the operating 
 room. The supervisors were each on their side of 
 the hospital, and the nurses were all getting the 
 poor creatures as comfortable as possible. One 
 patient who was too far gone from bloodlessness 
 to stand operation was made as comfortable as 
 possible and the minister sent for; they were all 
 given tea and partially bathed. This was about 
 4 : 30 p.m. Then we began in the operating room, 
 taking out foreign bodies and incising and drain- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 123 
 
 ing. I scrubbed up and helped, not so much be 
 cause they needed me but because I wanted to be 
 in it. We kept three tables going all the time. 
 The medical students gave ether and even some 
 of the medical men were helping. Out in the little 
 hall there were always three or four patients on 
 stretchers on the floor. My friend, Dr. (Sgt.) 
 Voorsanger, the Rabbi, was in charge of the 
 records and stretcher bearers and worked like a 
 Trojan. We took pieces of shell out of necks, 
 hips, knees, skulls, ankles, shoulders, and out of 
 the spine of my poor paralyzed man. Some of the 
 men took the ether badly and screamed and 
 fought and cursed; some thought they were in 
 the battle and called out to their comrades "There 
 go the 61st, after them, after them." But most of 
 them took it pretty quietly and just went off to 
 sleep. 
 
 About 7 o'clock a message came in from the 
 connecting "Theatre Hut," a ward at the other 
 end of the hut, where the operating room is, that 
 a man who had had a fearful hemorrhage from the 
 wound in his shoulder that morning was very 
 much worse. It was decided to transfuse him, a 
 complicated job under the very best of circum- 
 stances. An up-patient was sought to volunteer 
 to be the donor of the blood, and promised as a 
 reward that he would be sent to England and not 
 back to the Base (how good a promise I do not 
 
124 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 know, but at least he might get a glimpse of 
 Blighty for a few days if our men send him there, 
 but of course if found fit there, he would be sent 
 back to the front). He was brought, wide-eyed 
 and wondering, into the brilliant, messy operating 
 room filled with strangely garbed and bustling 
 people and put on a table and his arm prepared. 
 Some doctors got busy with him and I went with 
 another doctor to get ready the vein in the pa- 
 tient's arm. In a few minutes we were ready and 
 the other doctors came to insert the tiny point of 
 their glass tube into the hole in the vein we had 
 ready. A nurse was holding a droplight over 
 the bed, another nurse was holding the arm, a 
 doctor was adjusting the tourniquet so that the 
 vein would show up well, then the two men who 
 were working were bending over the arm, I was 
 handing them instruments, for I was scrubbed 
 up, since everything must be sterile. The patient 
 was just gasping, rapidly growing worse, but the 
 point went in successfully and the blood began 
 to flow into his vein, when all the lights went 
 out and the patient stopped breathing! 
 
 I knew where a whole batch of candles had been 
 put for use at the next air raid alarm, so I dashed 
 for them, knowing I could get them more quickly 
 than by sending any one. They were not far away. 
 In about two minutes we had candles stuck on 
 every available spot, and the operating teams who 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 125 
 
 had to stop dead and wait, began to go on. The 
 orderly who was working over a miserable acety- 
 lene lamp which is supposed to be all right for 
 emergencies, finally got it going. It is quite all 
 right for emergencies if you have about ten minutes 
 in which to start it. A couple of oil lanterns were 
 brought and given to the patients who were on the 
 floor in the hall to hold, so that they would not be 
 stepped on. The ether bottles were moved as far 
 away from the candles as possible so that we 
 would not have an explosion to add to our diffi- 
 culties, the doctors came in from working over 
 the dead man, and we all "carried on." It was 
 now near eight, and Capt. Rainey said when 
 these cases are finished that are on the tables, 
 we will stop for dinner. A couple of nurses who 
 had had their dinner reported just about then 
 and we set them to cleaning instruments and 
 boiling and fixing up. The others of us went up 
 to a belated supper by candle light. The night 
 nurse and orderly for the theatre hut came on 
 duty just in time to help with the gruesome duty 
 to be done there, and supper was kept for the 
 day nurses from there when they should be able 
 to get off. 
 
 By 8 : 30 we were back again refreshed by 
 scrambled eggs and coffee. The operations con- 
 tinued till 3 a.m. I sent one day nurse off about 
 10, because I knew she would have to have a full 
 
128 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 day to-day and would need to be at her prepara- 
 tions early. Another nurse and I left at 1 : 30 
 after getting some of the night nurses' supper 
 which I had ordered heavily reenforced. Another 
 nurse left at 3 and one stayed all night. In these 
 last 24 hours there must have been 34 operations. 
 I haven't the exact list here. I was on duty here 
 in the office at 9 : 15 a.m. Two nurses did not 
 come on until noon, and the one who was up all 
 night (as well as being up all day yesterday too, 
 though not working, as she was just coming off 
 night duty and had expected to sleep that night) 
 has been sleeping all day. I have just been 
 notified that 160 more are to be brought to us 
 at 6 a.m. to-morrow. That 6 a.m. will mean some 
 time during the morning, for the convoys are 
 almost always several hours after they are 
 scheduled. 
 
 One of the night Supervisors has just been 
 telling me that last night, after that patient 
 died, before he had been taken out, he was of 
 course behind the screens, the patient in the 
 next bed said to her, "Sister, is my pal all right ? 
 I haven't heard him speak for some time," and 
 she had to tell him what had happened. But 
 only this one and that very bad one have died so 
 far. 
 
 It is now Sunday afternoon, Sept. 30. We 
 are having a little respite from our busyness and 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 127 
 
 no convoys have been received since yesterday 
 morning when we received 140. The doctors are 
 getting a little well-earned rest, and the nurses, 
 who have not lost so much sleep as the doctors, 
 are catching up with their work on the wards. 
 Operations were going on in the operating room 
 till 1 : 30 again last night, but to-day there have 
 been none, but there has been much sterilizing, 
 glove mending, and preparing of supplies. 
 
 It is a beautiful sunny afternoon, and we would 
 hardly believe that this morning, up to almost 
 noon, it was so cold that everybody was complain- 
 ing of the cold. 
 
 I have just had orders to have my next nurse 
 ready to go up to the front with a surgical team. 
 They will probably go in a couple of days, three 
 men and one woman. It was my turn to go with 
 this team, but a few days ago Col. Fife told me 
 he would not let me go. I am tremendously dis- 
 appointed because I wanted above all things to 
 go. I want the great interest and excitement of 
 the work, which is hard but thrilling; operating 
 16 hours on end, then off for 8 hours. These are 
 the hours while the rush is on. Then I wanted to 
 find out how I would react to real danger. I 
 can't ever remember being frightened, and every- 
 body who goes to a C. C. S. admits that he or she 
 is frightened most of the time, and especially 
 when there are raids, and bombs and shells are 
 
128 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 dropping about. Of course these are just selfish 
 reasons, but there were others too. I think Miss 
 Taylor could run my affairs perfectly satis- 
 factorily in my absence for a month. But now 
 I must wait. We learn to do that with con- 
 siderable success in the army. I hate to let 
 the nurse I have appointed for this team go. 
 When the first one went up, we did not know 
 much about what it meant, but since she has 
 come back to us, we know more. Also Phil's 
 accounts have been enlightening. But it is her 
 turn to go. She is ready, has had all the prepara- 
 tions, and she is most eager to go, so I must not 
 make any change in the schedule, but we shall 
 all miss her and be worried about her until she 
 gets back to us. All the teams have a two days' 
 ambulance ride to begin with, then when they 
 get there, they have to pretty much rough it. 
 They take their cots and blankets and sleep in 
 bell tents. When they have air-raid signals, they 
 all have to lie down flat on their stomachs wher- 
 ever they may be. One of our teams had a special 
 hole in a cemetery they had to hop into all the 
 time. Phil's fellow officers had a little drainage 
 ditch full of mud that was their hiding-place. 
 
 I suppose that long before this you have learned 
 that our Unit was not bombed. There seems to 
 have been an official confusion between ours and 
 the Chicago names. Officially, until it can be 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 129 
 
 changed, we are the "No. 12 (St. Louis XL S. A.) 
 General Hospital." You see Chicago was Amer- 
 ican Base Hospital No. 12 to begin with, and it 
 is easy to see how the confusion arose. They are 
 18 General Hospital, B. E. F. 
 
 I have been sitting with Phil out in the sun- 
 shine beside his tent. He has not had much atten- 
 tion paid him lately, neither from me nor the 
 surgeons, but he has not needed it. He is getting 
 along slowly but well. I saw his dressing yester- 
 day, the first time for ten days, and I could see a 
 great improvement. He is not being allowed to 
 walk more than the few steps to his chair, and 
 I find he has not much desire to. He is anxious 
 to get back to work, but he won't be able to do 
 much for a long time. He is now finding out 
 how closely his legs are hitched to his back. 
 
 I meant to tell you about a curious little in- 
 cident that happened on our trip to C. I told 
 you we escorted a sick Chinaman up to the 
 British Hospital for Chinese at N. Dr. Veeder 
 had been given the envelope he was to turn over 
 to the authorities of the hospital. When we 
 arrived just outside the hospital compound and 
 stopped, a British sergeant came out to help the 
 patient out of the ambulance and a lot of blue- 
 hospital-garbed Chinesers gathered around to see 
 what was doing. Capt. Veeder and I had gotten 
 out to stretch our legs and were standing by the 
 
130 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 tail of the ambulance. Dr. Veeder handed the 
 papers to the sergeant, who opened the envelope, 
 read the paper twice with a puzzled look, then burst 
 into roars of laughter. He handed the paper back 
 to Capt. Veeder, and this is what we read : " 6 
 cups, enamel, spitting." It was an "indent" for 
 some necessary supplies that had been put in the 
 envelope and addressed to the C. O. of the hospital 
 instead of the transfer papers of the poor Chink. 
 Fortunately we did not have to take him on with 
 us, as he was properly tagged himself. It's a com- 
 fort to me to know that even the British Army 
 can sometimes make mistakes. 
 
 Next week, not this week, Thursday, I am ex- 
 pecting to go up to Paris to attend the first con- 
 ference of American Chief Nurses in France. 
 There are about sixteen of us, and Miss Russell, 
 the representative of the American Red Cross Nurs- 
 ing Service, has asked us to meet with her in Paris. 
 It ought to be good fun to get together and com- 
 pare notes after four months of this life, and we 
 ought to get some really definitely useful sugges- 
 tions from our getting together. 
 
 There are to be various festivities of a heavy 
 and enlightening sort. I think the little change 
 will do me good, as I find I am a bit tired. The 
 London trip is off, since Philip is here with me, 
 and this Paris one is on. I am asking for five 
 days' leave, but if things here continue to be as 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 131 
 
 heavy as they are now, I shall not stay the five 
 days. 
 
 When a page stops abruptly at the bottom of 
 the sheet and there is no proper ending, don't 
 be worried that something has been taken out 
 by the censor. It often happens that when I 
 have finished a sheet I have to stop and don't 
 try to wind things up properly, though I usually 
 try to put in a few personal remarks at the end 
 on a separate piece of paper, and answer questions 
 from letters, etc. 
 
 Now I must close, so good-by for now. 
 
 With loads and loads of love from us both. 
 
 Jule. 
 
 Rouen, October 9, 1917. 
 
 It is so good to be back at work and with my 
 own people again. I could not lay down my 
 responsibilities for that short time I was in Paris, 
 and I could not help thinking about everything 
 here all the time and wondering about everybody, 
 so it wasn't so very restful, and then when I 
 got back last night, I found it so restful to be 
 back, and all day with all the many things to do 
 I have been peaceful and contented and so very 
 glad to be back. I just wish you could have 
 seen this place last night when I arrived in the 
 pouring rain and pitch blackness. Our train got 
 
132 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 in about 8. My telegram had not been received 
 and there was no ambulance to meet us and 
 there are never any taxis to be had at the station. 
 The station was full of poilus going out, and as 
 the R. T. 0. (Royal Transport Officer) had his 
 hands full, I didn't have the heart to ask 
 him to telephone for our ambulance for us. I 
 could not. So we decided to try a tram to the 
 quay and there hoped for a taxi. It was still 
 pouring but finally we got on to a tram with all 
 our bags and bundles and at the quay we had the 
 very good luck of catching the only taxi which 
 just tore us out here to the camps. At the gate 
 of our quarters I got out in the mud and waded 
 through the darkness to the door of my own 
 room, and how good the old place looked. To 
 an outsider I imagine it would have looked like 
 the abomination of desolation, the camp and 
 our quarters. For it was so dark, and the rain 
 was pouring down and there were such pools of 
 water everywhere, and only such weak glimmer- 
 ings of light here and there. As Miss Taylor had 
 not come up from the office, I stopped just long 
 enough to get my rubber boots, rubber hat, and 
 coat. My big great coat was soaked through. 
 Then I paddled happily off to talk things over 
 with Miss Taylor. The hospital had been very, 
 very busy all the time I was away, but everything 
 had gone smoothly. We have over 1200 patients. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 133 
 
 Then afterwards I went down to see Philip. He 
 was no longer in a tent alone, as the hospital had 
 become so busy it had been necessary to fill up 
 the beds in his tent. As he was on the shell shock 
 line the cases with him were not bad surgical 
 cases. We had a nice talk over in his corner and 
 read the letters that had come for both him and 
 me in my absence. 
 
 It has been raining here every day for the past 
 ten days and is very cold. We all are wearing 
 sweaters and all our heavy things. The dampness 
 is so penetrating. The sweater Mother and Bab 
 made arrived safely and is exactly right. I have 
 it on this moment and shall probably not take it 
 off until it falls apart. The bloomers are very 
 nice too and I think will be useful with the serge 
 uniform in rainy weather when I pin my skirt 
 up. We are soon to have gray wash uniforms, 
 which will be much more suitable than these 
 white ones, but they won't be so very much 
 warmer. We are to have "spencers" or "woollies" 
 to wear under them. 
 
 Phil has now been moved into a bell tent which 
 was an office of Dr. Schwab's. It is a tiny little 
 affair, but looked most cozy last night when I was 
 down to say goodnight to Phil. The rain was pour- 
 ing down on the canvas with a pleasant sound and 
 coming through the opening on the wood floor, 
 but Phil was as warm and comfortable as can be. 
 
134 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 He has no electric light, but my candle lantern 
 held on his lap not only makes sufficient light to 
 read by but warms his hands. This cold is no joke. 
 I suppose we shall get used to it, but these first 
 days of it are very trying. 
 
 My children at the front are having such won- 
 derful times. They are working terribly hard, 
 sleeping with helmets over their faces and enamel 
 basins on their stomachs, washing in the water 
 they had in their hot-water bags because water 
 is so scarce, operating fourteen hours at a stretch, 
 drinking quantities of tea because there is no 
 coffee and nothing else to drink, wearing men's 
 ordnance socks under their stockings, trying to 
 keep their feet warm in the frosty operating 
 rooms at night, and both seeing and doing such 
 surgical work as they never in their wildest 
 days dreamed of, but all the time unafraid and 
 unconcerned with the whistling, banging shells 
 exploding around them. Oh, they are fine! 
 One need never tell me that women can't do as 
 much, stand as much, and be as brave as men. 
 And to-morrow another of my finest goes up, 
 keen as keen to do her bit and only hoping she 
 will be equal to it. It's Miss Claiborne to-morrow. 
 She is packing her things to-night after a hard 
 day in the operating room here. First, she has a 
 long, difficult trip, then plunges into the maelstrom 
 up there. Five more went for the gas training to- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 135 
 
 day to be ready to substitute if any of the nurses 
 at the front have to be relieved for sickness or 
 accident. And all these five are just pawing the 
 air for a chance to be sent up, even after knowing 
 all they do about what it is like up there, and in 
 all this cold. And oh, how I want to go myself. 
 
 Our meeting in Paris was very pleasant, and 
 worth while too. There were thirteen of us Chief 
 Nurses there. Six are with the B. E. F. and the 
 others with the American Forces. They, the latter, 
 have not had any real work yet. Some of us 
 Britishers could not help laughing when some of 
 the others said they were beginning to be right 
 busy as they had about a hundred patients ! The 
 night before I left here we admitted over £00. 
 To-night on several lines one nurse and one orderly 
 are taking care of over 100 patients (not the 
 sickest). We have so many awfully sick patients 
 now. But to go back to the meetings, we had 
 lots of things to discuss. We sent back to Wash- 
 ington suggestions about uniforms and equip- 
 ment. We decided on what we wanted for dis- 
 tinguishing marks for Chief Nurses, black bands 
 on the white caps and red bands on the cuffs of 
 the uniforms. We had to take up the matter of 
 the Army Efficiency Records, which were open to 
 many interpretations. Then matters of social life, 
 dancing, going out with officers, leaves, a hotel in 
 Paris, etc., were talked over. The question of 
 
136 FINDING THEMSELVES] 
 
 dancing is a very warm one. The English nurses 
 in military hospitals are not allowed to dance. 
 Some of us think our nurses should be allowed to 
 do it for their good and the good of our own 
 officers. The question was left over unsettled until 
 our next meeting in February. It will now go on 
 according to the ideas of the heads of each Unit. 
 
 Mrs. Sharp, the wife of the American Ambassa- 
 dor, entertained us at dinner elaborately. The 
 Lyceum Club gave us a reception, after an open 
 meeting when we heard of the Red Cross baby 
 work, tuberculosis schemes, surgical dressings, 
 division, etc. I saw several very nice people that 
 I know, and had various meals and doings with 
 them, so the time we were not at meetings went 
 very pleasantly. It is surprising how one can en- 
 joy fancy food when one gets it, even though all 
 along you have been thinking that food is very 
 unimportant. I noticed that lobster and sweet- 
 breads and souffles and oysters, and once, really, 
 corn on the cob, made a pretty big hit with me. 
 But all the same I was so awfully glad to get 
 back to my job. The day to-day has been pretty 
 full of problems and I am a bit tired, so I guess 
 I'd better turn in. 
 
 Phil had a nice little walk to-day in his clothes, 
 but he is pretty well used up to-night after a long, 
 mean dressing done in the operating room, from 
 which he walked back alone, which he should not 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 137 
 
 have done, but insisted to his nurses that he 
 wished to do. I am furious that I was not on 
 hand to prevent it. But he was warm and cozy 
 and comfortably reading in bed awhile ago when 
 I went to say good night. This is not much of a 
 letter, but it must go as it is, I think, without 
 waiting for additions. 
 
 Thanks so much for the book and for your 
 dear letters. "Carry On" is wonderful, and we 
 love to read such things over here. I'm lending 
 it around now. Bab's music came to-day ; it was 
 dear of her to send it. It has been played already 
 with much success. The violin is such a comfort. 
 I played last evening right straight through the 
 book. I've never enjoyed playing so much before. 
 
 Oceans of love, 
 
 Julie. 
 
 Sunday evening, October 14. 
 
 Dearest Dad and Mother : — 
 
 Miss Taylor and I are in our cozy office waiting 
 for the time for the evening report, which won't 
 be for about half an hour yet. We have both been 
 to first supper and will now rest ourselves a little 
 for this half hour. She has decided to do a picture 
 puzzle. I wish you all could see how nice our 
 office is. We have the tiniest coal stove that ever 
 existed, and yet it is just the right size for this 
 place. We have been having a fire in it for the 
 
138 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 past few days, for it has been very cold and raining 
 almost every day. An orderly with a lantern has 
 just come in out of the darkness to tell us that 
 sixty cases are on the way to the hospital now and 
 sixty more are coming at midnight. We are just 
 about full to capacity, but every day we send out 
 some, so every day we can take more in. I have 
 been off duty a couple of hours late this after- 
 noon, the first time off since I got back from Paris 
 last Tuesday. 
 
 Phil, who is walking a little with me every day, 
 came up to our mess for tea this afternoon and 
 afterwards I walked with him around the race 
 track. He was pretty glad to get back to bed after 
 this rather lengthy expedition. His wound is very 
 nearly closed. It has done remarkably well. After 
 I left him being put to bed by the nice convalescent 
 patient who looks after him, I went down to the 
 evening service in the Y. M. C. A. hut, the Sun- 
 day evening Episcopal service that comes just 
 before the Non-conformist service. 
 
 Dean Davis conducted the service, and how I 
 wished that some of his St. Louis parishioners 
 could have seen him. His audience in that rough 
 hut was about 200 convalescent patients in their 
 blue suits, with heads or arms bandaged, or 
 coughing, coughing the way so many of our poor 
 gassed men cough. There were a few English 
 Sisters and V. A. D.'s there, but I was the only 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 139 
 
 American, this evening. I wish you could hear 
 these men sing. There is nothing like the singing 
 that I've heard the Tommies do. Their deep voices 
 singing in unison, and with great earnestness 
 such words as "Plenteous grace with thee is 
 found, Grace to cleanse from every sin, Let the 
 healing streams abound, Make and keep me pure 
 within," can never be forgotten. The Dean spoke 
 briefly, but right out from the shoulder to them 
 from that chapter in the letter to the Ephesians 
 about, "Lie not, for ye are members one of another, 
 and let him that stole, steal no more but rather 
 let him work, that he may have wherewith to 
 give to him that hath need," etc. There was more 
 about tenderness, and growing in grace. 
 
 Speaking of tenderness, I have never in all my 
 life seen such tenderness as these men show to 
 each other. If you could see, as we so often see, 
 men with horrible leg injuries reaching way over 
 to feed the man in the bed next to them, who 
 may have arm injuries and be helpless. And 
 always the up-patients are so good to the bed- 
 ridden ones. Our hospital simply could not run 
 without the help of the patients themselves. 
 They fetch and carry and bathe and scrub and 
 hold legs and arms for dressings, and joke and 
 jolly each other along till it would break your 
 heart, for they themselves are sick men. For our 
 up-patients here have been mighty sick or they 
 
140 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 would have been sent on to England, unless they 
 are some of the few that are going back to the 
 Convalescent Camp and from there back into the 
 lines. So often, too, we see a man reach way over 
 from his bed to give his neighbor a puff at his 
 cigarette. 
 
 I have felt so rich recently, for I got such a 
 wonderful lot of letters, all in one batch. How I 
 did enjoy them. All the family ones I took right 
 down to read with Phil in his little tent. We had a 
 regular orgy. $ 
 
 It's now Friday, the 18th, and such a lovely 
 day as it has been, clear and sunny and cold. I 
 had a little walk with Ruth just after lunch and 
 it reminded us of November days at home, ex- 
 cept for what we saw. For all we saw was camps, 
 camps, camps and soldiers of every sort. We did 
 not have time to go beyond the area of camps, but 
 off in the distance we could see the lovely ridges 
 that make the edge of this little basin that Rouen 
 is in. When we came back, I walked a few minutes 
 with Phil. It takes a long time for his strength 
 to come back, poor boy. He is awfully good and 
 patient and as little trouble as a person could be. 
 I think he is a little depressed to-day by his feeling 
 of mimsiness, and the being out of things. He 
 finds it harder to be up a little every day, for, as 
 he says, when he is dressed he looks like every one 
 else, and then he can't do like them at all. When 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 141 
 
 he was in bed all the time, he did not mind his 
 incapacitation so much. Now is the time that 
 he needs petting and amusing and fussing over. 
 His injury was no little thing and he is being a 
 marvel of goodness about it all, but it is beastly 
 hard for him, to have to hang around and wait 
 to get strong. After a little while I am going to 
 see what can be done about convalescence in 
 some better place. It is hard to know whether 
 a convalescent home for officers in the south of 
 France, alone without his friends and me, would 
 do him more good than these plain doings and 
 all of us. When he can get about a bit more, he 
 will find it more interesting; for then I can go 
 down town to meals with him and take walks, 
 and he can do those things with other people too. 
 He has had a hard experience, but it is doing 
 big things for him, I can see that plainly. I am 
 so glad he is here with me. I can never be grateful 
 enough. 
 
 Our great busyness has continued all week 
 though we have not been quite full to the limit. 
 On Monday last, Major Murphy and his team, 
 and Capt. Post and his team, returned from their 
 Clearing Stations. Each team had one nurse. I 
 wish so much you could know what those people 
 have been doing and going through. You really 
 would hardly believe their tales. They are all 
 absolutely tired out. Major Murphy seems to be 
 
142 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 in the best condition, but he said he was dread- 
 fully tired. The nurses are almost all in. We made 
 them stay in bed 36 hours and have started them 
 off on the easiest places we could find for them. 
 But it will take a good many weeks, I am afraid, 
 before they will sleep properly and not dream 
 about stopping hemorrhages, and stop smelling 
 the smells they smelled up there. What with the 
 steam, the ether, and the filthy clothes of the men, 
 which they had to cut off before they could begin 
 to start, the odor in the operating room was so 
 terrible that it was all that any of them could do 
 to keep from being sick. One of my nurses was 
 sick at her stomach all night long the first night 
 she worked there, and just ran in and out all 
 night, but kept right on with her work, though she 
 says that if she lives to be a hundred and fifty 
 years old, she will never forget that night. One 
 doctor and one nurse work at each table and you 
 can imagine what surgical work the nurse has to 
 do, no mere handing of instruments and sponges, 
 but sewing and tying up and putting in drains 
 while the doctor takes the next piece of shell out 
 of another place. Then after fourteen hours of 
 this, with freezing feet, to a meal of tea and 
 bread and jam, and off to rest if you can in a 
 wet bell tent in a damp bed without sheets, after 
 a wash with a cupful of water. 
 
 The trip down from the front was very hard. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 143 
 
 They all came by train this time. One team after 
 a long train trip arrived at a fair-sized coast town 
 at 2 p.m. The doctor tried to get a room at the 
 hotel for the nurse, who was dead with cold and 
 fatigue, but all the rooms had been taken by 
 officers going through on their way to posts. 
 Their train was to go out at one a.m., so the doctor 
 only wanted the room for the evening for this 
 nurse. Finally the proprietor said he would let 
 the nurse have the room of an officer who had 
 gone out for the evening but he was expected in 
 at twelve. But that seemed fine, so the nurse 
 had a little rest in this man's room, but at twelve 
 was called, for the officer had come back and was 
 waiting outside the door. The rest of the night 
 she sat up in a freezing French railway carriage, 
 the only woman with her doctor, her two orderlies, 
 and two Tommies. The Tommies and the orderlies 
 piled up on each other and went sound to sleep, 
 but she and the doctor waggled and jolted through 
 the ^miserable, damp, cold night. They reached 
 here at one o'clock the next afternoon, and really 
 had come so few miles as the crow flies. How I 
 wished for a warm bathroom and a quiet cozy 
 sleeping place for these weary, dirty, splendid 
 women of mine. But willing, eager hands brought 
 pitchers of hot water and put hot-water bags in 
 little beds that are clean if small, and brought 
 trays of food, and now after two days both of 
 
144 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 the nurses are looking a little less green and 
 black around the eyes. And how glad and grate- 
 ful we are to have them back. There are two 
 more away, and another is probably to go soon, 
 and she is none the less eager after hearing the 
 tales of the others. Major Murphy says the ex- 
 perience is, of course, very wonderful, but it is 
 brutal. He means brutal on the teams. But 
 English men and women have been doing this for 
 months and months. This was a very big push 
 that these two teams have been through. It is a 
 marvel to me that human beings can stand it all. 
 
 October 30, 1917. 
 
 Dearest Dad and Mother : — 
 
 It is quite a long time since I last wrote any- 
 thing more than just short handwritten notes. 
 It was the 14th that my last letter was dated, I 
 find. Since that time we have been pretty hard 
 at work. We had very little let-up at all for about 
 six weeks. Our numbers have kept over the 
 thousand mark all along, which means for us 
 very little time for play. 
 
 I guess I will tell you about to-day which was 
 rather typical. It was bright and shiny when I 
 went over to the Mess hall for breakfast. I can 
 tell you it is good preparation for an Arctic 
 exploration expedition to be living as we are. 
 I sleep every night in woolen stockings and 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 145 
 
 knitted bed socks, woolen pajamas, that lovely 
 light blue sweater mother made for me, my 
 Jaeger sleeping bag, which has two layers over 
 and one under, and then three folds of blanket 
 on top of all that, topped off by my heavy bath- 
 robe, all this on me, the regular old hotbox that 
 I always used to be. Well, after a nice warm 
 night in all that, with a hot-water bag inside, it 
 is not the nicest thing in the world to get up into 
 an utterly unheated room. The water from my 
 hot-water bag makes very comfortable bathing 
 water (for all the bathing that I do then). But a 
 few vigorous arm exercises start up my blood 
 enough to make me fairly comfortable by the 
 time I have on all my woollies. Over in the Mess 
 hut there are two nice little coal stoves, which 
 make the place very cheerful. There is a big coal 
 stove in all our sleeping huts, but none of the 
 heat from the one in my hut can get as far as my 
 end room. I hope to get some kind of an oil 
 stove that will heat things up a bit. I now have 
 a little single-burner coal-oil lamp on which I can 
 heat a small kettle of water, but it doesn't do 
 anything in the way of heating. 
 
 By the time we had finished breakfast (bread 
 and butter, coffee, scrambled eggs, and marmalade 
 this morning) it was pouring, so we all ran for 
 our raincoats and hats, and then the six of us, 
 Miss Taylor and I and the two day and two night 
 
146 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 supervisors, walked down to my office in the 
 grand stand. There the batman had already- 
 started my tiny stove and a cheerful little heat 
 was beginning to make itself felt. It takes about 
 half an hour or more to read about the admissions, 
 discharges, operations, the condition of all the 
 "S. I.'s " (Seriously 111) and "D. I.'s" (Dangerously 
 111), and to hear that there did not seem to be 
 enough blankets for the outgoing convoy, many 
 of whom were stretcher patients, that there is 
 difficulty about coal for some of the tents at 
 night, about this or that nurse's good work when 
 so and so had such a terrific hemorrhage, and 
 that an incoming convoy is just being unloaded, 
 apparently very badly wounded cases, but no 
 report on them as yet. Then the day supervisors 
 go off to their lines to see about the new admis- 
 sions, see if the head nurses have everything they 
 need, tell this head nurse to send one of her 
 assistants, who has such bad chilblains on her 
 hands that she can't do the surgical dressings 
 that she has been doing, to report to a head nurse 
 on one of the medical lines, where she won't have 
 to be doing quite so many wet things, etc. At 
 nine Capt. Rainey, the acting head of the surgical 
 side, comes for the written report that the Night 
 Surgical Supervisor has made out for him of the 
 most important cases. Then Major Fischel comes 
 to ask about sick nurses. We had told one nurse, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 147 
 
 who had reported a sore throat, to be here at nine, 
 and she was and was examined and advised. We 
 had heard of another nurse who had lost her 
 voice, so she was sent for. Miss Taylor got her 
 figures of number of nurses on duty, number of 
 yesterday's operations, etc., ready and took that 
 and our big Night Report to the C. O.'s office and 
 came back to check up her list of the new S. I.'s 
 and D. I.'s, to all of whose families it is her job 
 to write a personal letter. One day she wrote as 
 many as 25 of these letters. She had been out for 
 "last hours" yesterday, so there were a number 
 for her to add to her list. The official telegram is 
 sent to all families, but it is one of the regular 
 jobs of this office to do all the personal corre- 
 sponding with families. Miss Taylor has learned 
 to use a typewriter since she has been over here 
 and can write very fast on it. She does not like 
 to have the little secretary write these letters, for 
 she often sends messages from the boys to their 
 families and likes to do them all herself. I begin 
 by writing my regular army form about nurses off 
 duty. Then I made out several formal communi- 
 cations to the Colonel, about the need of a sink in 
 the Nurses' Mess, the need of a special new hut 
 for sitting-room purposes for my 104 women. 
 We now have just the 12 feet at the end of the 
 Mess Hall which is quite inadequate. All the 
 other hospitals in this vicinity have special sitting- 
 
148 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 rooms, and I am going to keep at the R. E.'s 
 (Royal Engineers) until they give us one. I §£| 
 At 9 : 30 the nurses and V. A. D.'s begin to 
 come up from the lines for Red Cross supplies, 
 which are handled through this office and a little 
 supply room we have next door. Pajamas, socks, 
 mittens, old linen for handkerchiefs for the 
 patients, oilcloth, treasure bags, writing paper, 
 gramophone needles and records,, razors, shaving 
 soap, tobacco, record books, magazines, cologne 
 for rubbing backs, chewing-gum, back rests, pic- 
 ture puzzles, cards, draughts, pipes, toasting 
 forks, metal polish, brad boards, sweets, irrigator 
 cans, etc. All these things are actually handled 
 by us, not all the time, but some at one time and 
 some at another. The British Red Cross sends 
 us these supplies on our requisition every week. 
 This morning we had very little to give out, for 
 our supplies for this week had not come. We 
 keep store only from 9 : 30 to 10 : 30, but this 
 morning there were a number of other things than 
 supplies that various nurses wanted to see me 
 about. A V. A. D. wanted to see me about special 
 leave to England because her aunt is dying. 
 Another V. A. D., who knows better and should 
 have reported at 9 a.m., came to tell us of another 
 bad boil on her arm and had to be sent to the 
 operating room and Capt. Rainey looked up. 
 Several wanted to know if they could go to a 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 149 
 
 special concert to be given in a neighboring camp 
 to-night. The general invitation to all had come, 
 but had not been posted, or these need not have 
 asked for permission. Then it was time for the 
 mail, which was huge this morning, and always 
 has to be sorted in this office, because no one else 
 knows just what to do with a number of letters 
 each day that have to be specially looked after. 
 This of course is just nurses' mail. We still get a 
 lot of mail for the English Sisters who were here 
 before us. We often get many letters intended for 
 other American Units. I have the lists of nurses 
 of all of the Units that are with the B. E. F. and 
 can readily send on straying letters. We have 
 nurses away at C. C. S. and some in the Con- 
 tagious Hospital and we must see to their forward- 
 ing. The mail this morning took a long time. 
 As soon as it is sorted it is sent up to the Mess, 
 where the nurses will get it at lunch time. My 
 own six or seven personal letters I could not look 
 at till near one. 
 
 \ The Red Cross Supplies came along about 
 11 : 50 and had to be put away. [Miss Taylor had 
 gone down to the lines to see the supervisors, see 
 how we needed to man the operating room for the 
 afternoon, etc. Simone, the little secretary, had 
 been helping all morning with supplies, letters, 
 etc., and very quickly we got the things put 
 away. Then a sergeant from the O. C.'s office came 
 
150 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 to ask about a missing package of "knickers " 
 which should have arrived from London. He had 
 found it and had that too dumped in my office. 
 As it contained some instruments that I wanted 
 right away, I wanted it unpacked here. Then 
 Phil came along to share some mail with us, but 
 I told him he would have to come back later, for 
 it was just time for the O. C. to come for this 
 morning's interview, so just as he and Ruth C, 
 who] had also dropped by to tell me about her 
 wonderful birthday mail, cleared out, along came 
 Major Murphy. There were several matters to 
 take up with him, such as the possible removal 
 of a bed or two from several too-crowded tents, 
 the matter of the insufficient blankets, a little 
 misunderstanding that some of our American boys 
 had had with the British Y. M. C. A. people, 
 about which the latter had come to see me yester- 
 day afternoon. When the Major left, I had to see 
 about some notices for the nurses that I wanted 
 them to read at their lunch. Miss Taylor came 
 back, Simone went off for her lunch, and we sat a 
 moment or two and looked at the headlines of 
 the two-sheet Daily Mail and Paris N. Y . Herald 
 and read our home letters. 
 
 At one we went up in a pouring rain to our 
 lunch. We had baked beans, cold bully beef, 
 which is canned corn beef and not half bad, 
 lettuce salad, tea, bread and butter, and cheese, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 151 
 
 and stewed prunes. Miss Taylor was to be off 
 from 1 : 30 to 4 : 30 to go down town to do some 
 errands, so I came on back to the office and 
 started some accounts, writing of checks, etc. 
 They were to have a big afternoon in the oper- 
 ating room, but all was working out smoothly. 
 For the next two hours I worked steadily at my 
 desk, acknowledging supplies, doing accounts, and 
 writing business letters. Simone was doing all 
 sorts of routine things for us on her typewriter. 
 She is very useful and saves many steps as well 
 as many minutes. Miss Taylor and I have been 
 trying to be very punctilious about going off 
 duty these days. She has been after me most 
 severely, and the only way to keep her quiet is to do 
 as she says, so off I go every day, alternating her. 
 
 Nov. 1, 1917. 
 
 I had to stop on my account of day before 
 yesterday before I had finished the day. At five 
 I went off in the rain with the Ford with one of 
 the nurses I like very much — to bring some 
 mail and things to our isolated nurses in the 
 Contagious Hospital up the road. (They are 
 diphtheria carriers — three of them.) On the way 
 up the road we met an ambulance convoy bring- 
 ing in wounded men. There must have been 
 over a hundred of them from the long line of 
 ambulances. And passing them, marching out, 
 
152 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 were companies of men walking along in the 
 mud and wet and thinking of course that that 
 was the way many, many of these would be com- 
 ing back, as those mangled things were in the 
 ambulances. One can't get used to these sights. 
 It chokes me every time I see the men march 
 away. We can always tell when they are going 
 to the front, for on top of all that they carry on 
 their backs is a little white bag — containing 
 limited rations. 
 
 After we had left our things at No. 25, we went 
 on down town, did our errands, left a gramophone 
 to be repaired for one of the wards — then went 
 into the Cathedral for the evening service at 6. 
 It is most wonderful, for only a few low lights are 
 lighted, and the shadowy arches, the several 
 hundred kneeling black figures, the clear tenor 
 voice of the priest, who sings most of the service, 
 the hundred responses, make it all seem like 
 something unreal — till one realizes that the 
 unreal part is that it seems so strange and un- 
 usual to us, for there have been going on just 
 such services as that in that Cathedral since 
 before America was discovered ! Many of us go 
 there often to the six o'clock services, the only 
 trouble is that one gets frozen stiff after a 
 few minutes. After leaving the Cathedral we 
 wandered about the little narrow, wet streets, 
 looking into windows, — clattering along in our 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 153 
 
 nailed boots, so that we sound like soldiers (but 
 our feet are dry, though the streets are very wet). 
 Then came a nice supper of hot, thick soup, steak, 
 crisp fried potatoes and a salad, — then back to 
 the camp in time to hear the evening report and 
 see the night supervisors before they went on 
 duty. That evening I wrote in the office. 
 
 To-day is Nov. 1st, and Phil's birthday. I can 
 imagine how you all are thinking about him. I 
 am going to play somewhere with him this after- 
 noon and do whatever he wants to do. Yesterday 
 I could hardly speak to him at all, I was so busy 
 all day. At 5.30 I went with him for three fourths 
 of an hour to hear a lecture in the Y. M. C. A. 
 tent — It was by that fine Dr. Kelman — the 
 Edinburgh Presbyterian minister, who has been 
 talking in the U. S. He spoke on "Why America 
 Is in the War " — spoke most wonderfully — to the 
 British the evening before when I was in town, 
 and Phil could not go because he wanted to 
 attend a medical meeting here — But to-night 
 we will have dinner down town. 
 
 Loads and loads of love, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Nov. 2, 1917. 
 Dearest Mother : — 
 
 You are all so good about writing — I cannot 
 
 thank you enough and if only there were more 
 
 free hours I'd write everybody, but I just can't. 
 
154 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Our hospital again is almost full to capacity, 
 and such badly hurt men, — amputations, two 
 or three of them, every day out of sixteen or 
 seventeen operations every afternoon. Day be- 
 fore yesterday they had a man on the operating 
 table before they decided which of his legs they 
 had better take off ! Such a price as is being 
 paid for the new world — but it is not too big 
 to make the new world and liberty and peace and 
 brotherhood and democracy mean something. 
 And how small a share we are having in that price 
 and how we'd give more if we could. I wish E. 
 wouldn't think that anything we are doing is 
 worth} 7 of admiration — it isn't — we are doing 
 so little. We love being here and would not 
 leave our jobs for anything that could be offered 
 us. I am writing in bed; it is very late but I 
 don't feel like sleeping yet. It is very comfortable 
 here in my little bed with my good light hanging 
 beside me. The light is such a comfort. I have 
 bought an oil stove to try and heat this room. 
 I think it will make things more comfortable. 
 
 Please tell B. the music she sent me was dandy 
 — the Kreisler piece is a beauty. I cannot play 
 the double stops well yet, but I'll do better with 
 them after a bit. It's a stunning thing and stays 
 in the mind. One of our nurses made a hit at a 
 concert for the privates singing "Over There," 
 which was new to us all here. We'd like to have 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 155 
 
 all the patriotic new things you can send like 
 "Goodby Broadway, Hello France'' — we haven't 
 that yet. Tell B. I love the College news and 
 want to know all she is doing. 
 
 Now I guess I'd better try to sleep a bit. I've 
 had a lovely time talking to you. God keep you 
 all, my dear ones. 
 
 Julia. 
 
 November 16, 1917. 
 
 It has been a pretty long time since I last 
 wrote a regular letter. It has not been because 
 we were so terribly busy, for in the last ten days 
 our census has come down a little and things 
 stopped being quite as strenuous as they had 
 been since the first of October. Sometimes, how- 
 ever, I find it hard to write and I put it off, think- 
 ing that I'll be feeling more like doing it the next 
 day. I usually love to write. These last few days, 
 however, we have been most busy, for on the 13th 
 at noon we had notice that our long-expected 31 
 nurses would arrive that afternoon. Capt. John- 
 ston and I went down to meet them, leaving the 
 people here scurrying around trying to get enough 
 food to feed all those extra people and to work 
 out the plans we made long ago, as to how we 
 would house them until the V. A. D.'s were taken 
 away. 
 
 The next day most of the V. A. D.'s were taken 
 
156 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 away to the different hospitals in this neighbor- 
 hood, and to-day we are beginning to settle down. 
 The details of the records that are necessary, 
 both for the outgoing people as well as for the 
 new-comers, have been very numerous and compli- 
 cated, but Miss Taylor and I and the little stenog- 
 rapher have put things through in fai/ly rapid 
 shape. I have yet many payrolls and traveling 
 expense vouchers and pay allotments and lists 
 galore to attend to, but the most immediate and 
 important ones are finished. 
 
 We have started the new ladies all off on the 
 wards and they seem very much interested and 
 thrilled and glad to be here. Since it is almost 
 three months since they left St. Louis, they are 
 mighty glad to arrive somewhere and get started 
 to work. Poor things, they have to go through 
 the adjusting that we all had. They never will 
 get used to some things, such as the awful wounds, 
 the appalling cheeriness of the men, and the 
 sight of the troops marching off to the front. 
 
 There is a perfect hubbub outside now, for the 
 new enlisted men who arrived to-day with the 
 officers are celebrating with a couple of drums. 
 I have been so occupied all day I have not had a 
 chance to see the new officers, but I have seen 
 Dr. Thomas for half a second. So E. may know 
 that her package will doubtless be forthcoming 
 pretty soon. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 157 
 
 One of my children has just been in here. A 
 little while ago she received a cable that her 
 father is not expected to live, which she can't 
 help interpreting to mean that he is dead, as 
 she does not think her family would have cabled 
 otherwise. She is a night nurse and is, of course, 
 going right on with her work to-night. She is the 
 first of our group to whom a big sorrow has 
 come. Of course, we all know they must come, 
 but when they do, we feel so far away. 
 
 I have been making many speeches this week. 
 Just a little while ago I had a long talk with all 
 my American nurses ; then of course I had to 
 have a farewell talk with the V. A. D.'s ; and then 
 all the poor new nurses had to have me tell 
 them, not rules and regulations, for they can read 
 those on the bulletin board, but a little about 
 the way we all feel after six months and some 
 of the processes we have been through, which 
 they are pretty sure to have to go through too. 
 It is very curious with a group of people such as 
 I have here, how they light up and are moved 
 when they are interpreted to themselves. It is 
 the greatest delight to me to try to make them 
 see themselves and what they are doing, in large 
 terms. I try to fit the daily trials and depressions 
 and difficulties, and the way they take them, 
 into their right place in their sense of patriotism. 
 I tell them how they felt when they were at 
 
158 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 the wonderful service at the Cathedral at home, 
 and at places where the bands played and the 
 flags waved, as in London, and such places, and 
 then I try to show them how their daily work 
 can be a part of such feelings. And when I told 
 them of the change that had come over most of 
 us in the six months we have been here, I sur- 
 prised them so much. I told them we had come 
 glad to pay that part of the price that was con- 
 venient. We had been quite willing to give say 
 six months' service, and give up our big pay for 
 a while, and to stay as long as our future plans 
 were not interfered with, and as long as our 
 health did not suffer, and so long as it really 
 was not a hardship to any one. But I had seen 
 the change coming to us all, that a bigger price 
 than that was expected of us. I told them how 
 proud I was to see them all coming to the con- 
 clusion that no price would be too big to pay for 
 what we were working for. I told them of the 
 peace that I knew had come to them because 
 individually they had decided that their future 
 plans did not count, their hopes deferred were of 
 no importance, or their health, so long as their 
 efficiency was not impaired, or their families, 
 or their salaries, or their whole lives. 
 
 The change has really come. It has been most 
 noticeable. I felt it in myself of course, and no 
 longer am restless and questioning. And the 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 159 
 
 questions of so many that came to me for the 
 first few months about the possible length of 
 time, etc., have entirely ceased. About two weeks 
 ago I had to tell two nurses, for whom I had ap- 
 plied for discharge after six months, that it was 
 refused. One was to go home to be married and 
 the other to join her husband whom she married 
 one hour before we left St. Louis. Both were so 
 splendid about the matter, and acted as though 
 this was the decision that they themselves would 
 have made; I was most impressed. And that is 
 the spirit of the whole group. Nurses say all the 
 time, "I couldn't be hired to go home now, know- 
 ing what I know now." Oh, they are so fine. The 
 new group seem so surprised to find us so happy. 
 They also seem much surprised to find us so well 
 off for food and general conditions. We all look 
 more husky and rosy-cheeked and fat than they 
 do. 
 
 I am going to send this much along with Phil's, 
 as there is no telling when I can continue. The 
 Gerard book and "The Chosen People" we are 
 glad to have. Thank you so much. 
 
 With loads and loads of love, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Nov. 25, 1917. 
 
 We had our first military funeral on the 23d, 
 for our little boy Sergeant who died of pneumonia. 
 
160 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 It was most impressive. At two o'clock all who 
 could be spared from the wards assembled in 
 front of the grand stand. The procession started 
 there, first the group of sergeants who were 
 honorary pallbearers, then all the Officers, then 
 American enlisted men, then British enlisted 
 men, then about fifty blue-coated nurses. We 
 marched in twos down to the mortuary and lined 
 up along the road ; then the quaint French hearse, 
 driven by a man in a three-cornered hat, was 
 driven through the long line of his friends. His 
 brother, a little private from the Canadian Army, 
 accompanied by one of our men, walked just 
 behind, and the six active pallbearers, his best 
 friends, walked on the two sides. Then we all 
 fell in and marched the mile through the mud to 
 the military cemetery. It is just a big field, nearly 
 filled with small wooden crosses, each bearing the 
 name of a soldier. Ours was the first American 
 laid there. The two padres were waiting for us 
 in their surplices, the dearly loved British clergy- 
 man, Dr. Page, and our new young American, 
 Mr. Taylor, who came to relieve Dean Davis. 
 This special place has been set apart for Americans. 
 It is a lovely, quiet place outside the wall of an 
 old French burying-place. Far off to the West 
 were the blue, blue hills that are on the other 
 side of Rouen, and nearer a long double row of 
 bare, black poplars. And near were the rows and 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 161 
 
 rows of others who had given their all and gone 
 on Before. One could almost feel a welcoming 
 stir as we laid our first American among them. 
 A little group of French people had gathered to 
 see what had brought so large a cortege to a 
 place where there are daily interments and where 
 every day the firing squad gives the last salute 
 for the brave boys from our hospitals. The beau- 
 tiful words of the service had new meaning to 
 them. Then the salute from the firing squad, 
 and "Taps" from the bugler. While the officers 
 and most of the nurses marched away, his Masonic 
 "brothers," led by our Rabbi, held their symbolic 
 ceremony. There were many flowers, weird French 
 wreaths, which were hung all over the outside of 
 the hearse when it left the mortuary. If only 
 Evart's mother could have been here, it would 
 have comforted her to feel the love and respect 
 of all his friends and to see the quiet, lovely 
 place where he is laid to rest. 
 
 We know that both the American groups have 
 been most fortunate to have had no deaths be- 
 fore this. In the natural course of events they 
 are bound to come, and to have our first not till 
 after six months have passed since we left home, 
 was not to be expected. We will have others, 
 but oh, if I could only bring all my nurses back 
 home safe to their families ! Of course, it can't 
 be, some will have to be sent back because of ill 
 
 M 
 
162 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 health ; there is a question about the lungs of one 
 now, and some we shall have to leave behind. It 
 is a fearful thing to have the responsibility of one 
 hundred women so far away from home. Some- 
 times it all seems so much, too much for me, — 
 their health, their happiness, their reputation and 
 morals, their general safety and welfare. I try 
 to remember that the responsibility is not all 
 mine. There are strong men helping me, but 
 they only have the important things to attend 
 to about them; I have the accumulation of all 
 the little things as well. 
 
 f' All our recently received patients have been 
 so tremendously elated and excited about the 
 advances made towards Cambrai. It has been 
 wonderful to see their enthusiasm. We have been 
 quite busy taking care of the poor things, 71 
 operations in 48 hours, a couple of days ago. It 
 has been raining again, and such a wind and rain 
 storm as we had all last night and this morning, 
 but this afternoon it cleared up beautifully and is 
 very cold. 
 
 A few days ago an interesting little incident 
 occurred. There was a knock at my office door. 
 When I opened it, there was a patient in his 
 clumsy blue suit, steadying himself against the 
 wall. "Can you tell me where I can find the 
 Matron?" he said. "Yes, right here," I answered. 
 "I am the Matron. What can I do for you ? " He 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 163 
 
 was so wobbly he almost had to lean up against 
 the wall. "Somebody told me,'' he said, "that 
 you had a violin. I am a professional violinist 
 and I have not touched a violin for five months, 
 and to-day I couldn't stand it any longer, so I 
 got up out of bed to come and find you." I made 
 him come in and sit down. As it happened I had 
 a new violin and bow, which had been bought for 
 our embryo orchestra, here in my office. The 
 violin was not tuned up, but that didn't matter. 
 The man had it in shape in no time and then he 
 began to play, and how he could play ! We let 
 him take the violin down to his tent, and later I 
 sent him some of my music. He was a shell 
 shock, and all the evening and the next few days 
 until he was sent to England he played to wrapt 
 audiences of fellow patients. In our wards we 
 have lots of kinds of music, from gramophones 
 to comb-and-tissue-paper bands. The men are 
 keen about anything that makes a tune. A lot 
 of harmonicas would be a great blessing. 
 
 We had such a wonderful lot of letters this 
 morning. I got 12 and Phil 9. I had four from 
 Mother — October 29, November 1, and No- 
 vember 8, and I forget the other date, as Phil 
 has it with him. We had a wonderful time read- 
 ing each other's mail. I could not finish until way 
 into the afternoon, I had so many things to do. 
 Letters do make such a difference. I was so glad 
 
164 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 all these came this a.m., for it is very cold and 
 we admitted 250 patients at noon, but letters 
 will counteract most anything. Somebody wrote 
 in the only copy of the Survey I have seen since 
 I left home that the two things that did troops 
 the most good were letters and singing, and it is 
 true about nurses too. Speaking of singing, can 
 you send me some copies of the new Army and 
 Navy Song Book — say 2 or 3 dozen, if they 
 are not too expensive, or more if possible? I 
 have 100 women, but of course we never can all 
 get together at one time. The October 6th Survey 
 mentioned that book as excellent. I'll answer the 
 letters soon. They were wonderful and full of 
 juicy bits. You are all so very, very dear to write 
 so much and your letters make such a difference. 
 Phil has his "Board" to-morrow and will soon 
 know what is to happen to him. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 December 8, 1917. 
 
 Dearest Dad and Mother : — 
 
 I wonder if this will reach you before Christ- 
 mas, if so it brings you all my love. It is just 
 beastly not being able to send presents, but we 
 found so few things that were not dutiable and 
 worth the trouble you'd have to take, so hardly 
 any one in the Unit is sending gifts. I have been 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 165 
 
 writing notes and letters as much as I could, but 
 I have not sent half on my list, for I have been 
 feeling quite badly the past week and for the 
 past three days have been in bed. It's just an 
 inflammation or infection in my trachea, — not 
 really bronchitis but quite an acute affair which 
 has made me very sick. I have been having 
 wonderful care here in my own room and people 
 are just spoiling me. Steam and benzoin inhala- 
 tions have done me the most good. Major Fischel 
 and Lieut. Praetz, the throat specialist, have been 
 seeing me every day and I am about to be well, 
 and hope to be up to-morrow. It began with 
 terrific hoarseness and the trouble has stayed 
 below my throat, and also there has been a bad 
 cold in my head, — but with chills and a little 
 fever; it might have been much worse if I had 
 not had such good care. It has been very cold" 
 and damp and many of my poor children have 
 had very bad colds and coughs. I was awfully 
 embarrassed to have to go and do likewise. My 
 cough is much better, and I really don't feel as sick 
 to-day as I did yesterday and before. 
 
 Ruth has been doing so much for me and look- 
 ing after me and lots of others too. Phil is here 
 beside me now, reading. E.'s eiderdown jacket 
 came just in the nick of time, and I've looked 
 very smart in it, my Jaeger bag and darker brown 
 blanket. My little oil stove has made the room 
 
166 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 quite comfortable (for me in bed) ; not so much 
 so for my callers, as the floor is quite cold. Every- 
 thing was frozen solid yesterday morning, — I 
 mean fire-buckets, etc., but to-day is milder and 
 I*m not needing the stove at all this afternoon. 
 I have been showered with flowers and books and 
 all sorts of things, but I am keen to get up. 
 
 To-day Miss Taylor brought a lot of mail, a 
 few letters, and packages of all sorts. It's being 
 very hard to keep track of all the things that are 
 being sent to us. I am trying to keep a list. It 
 is down in the office now. But lots of strangers 
 are sending things. Some day I'll write you a 
 story about missionary barrels ! But I'll surely 
 send you a list of things that have been sent. 
 We do appreciate gifts here, but, oh Mother, 
 some have been so funny, and never in the whole 
 of our lives have we seen so much candy and 
 chocolate. 
 
 This is not a good preamble to say thanks for 
 your dear things which have been so thoughtful. 
 The white cap and wristlets came to-day and are 
 wonderful, so soft and nice. I shall very probably 
 wear the cap nights. I have been using one of 
 the khaki crocheted caps you sent Phil as a 
 sample and model for some dark blue ones for 
 my nurses. I am having them made in town. 
 They must be dark blue to be uniform and to 
 go with the dark blue sweaters. My night nurses' 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 167 
 
 heads nearly freeze. Phil let me have two of the 
 brown caps right away till I can get blue ones 
 made. I am having my two night supervisors 
 wear them. Just think, they are out of doors 
 these freezing nights practically the whole twelve 
 hours. You see they go from tent to tent and 
 all over the place, looking after the sickest and 
 the dying patients and helping the nurses any 
 way they can. Often it is just comforting the 
 nurses that is their main job. Night before last 
 on one line two men died suddenly almost at the 
 same moment and the poor little nurse could 
 hardly stand it, but the supervisor just had to 
 comfort and brace, as well as help physically. 
 These supervisors have a hut to go into where 
 all the night nurses have suppers and where there 
 is a little stove. They write their reports there, 
 but it is almost twelve solid hours out of doors 
 every night for a month. We have them all 
 bundled up with gaiters and knickers and two or 
 three sweaters and caps and coats and mittens, 
 but they do get chilled through. If you want to 
 knit us some regulation wristlets with a hole for 
 the thumb, please do. We need lots of them. 
 They can be either gray or dark blue. Our nurses 
 are not wearing anything on duty that isn't 
 gray or dark blue. The sweaters were too awful 
 until this rule went out, lavender, old rose, yellow, 
 green, dirty white, etc. 
 
168 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Well, so much for caps, — you could send us 
 more of those too, if you want to, or mufflers, 
 all gray or dark blue, preferably dark blue. The 
 wristlets with thumb holes can be worn working 
 and the fingers are left free. I've knitted several 
 pairs here myself. 
 
 s Well, to return to presents. The Cross hand- 
 kerchief case with the beauty handkerchiefs also 
 came and I just love them. They are so dainty 
 and wonderful and so unsuitable for active service 
 that I know that is the reason you sent them 
 and I'm so glad. I shall use them too, and not 
 let them get lost and they'll be so inappropriate 
 held in a gray-mittened hand mopping a frozen 
 nose, but so nice ! I have a weenty bottle of 
 rose perfume that L. put in my medicine case, 
 — I'm sure for just such a contingency ! 
 
 We love your letters so much. The Nov. 1st one 
 with all its inclosures was fine. 
 
 We are so glad people are sending us things for 
 our men for Christmas. Oh, they need them so 
 badly, the poor, poor things, and we want them 
 to have a wonderful Christmas, and they are 
 sure to. For many of our friends are sending us 
 things or money for them. The underwear I have 
 heard from, from Paris, and it ought to arrive 
 soon. The Outlook has begun to come and is 
 fine. We shall enjoy that tremendously, for it 
 condenses things for us in a way we need. I could 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 169 
 
 use some more bed-socks, high ones. We have to 
 wear them in bed, and I find that by putting the 
 pa jama leg inside the sock, my legs and feet are 
 very comfortable. I'd like them to come nearly 
 to the knees ; any color will do. 
 
 We were so glad to know about your service 
 flag. I wish we could have a picture of it, as we 
 don't know what it is like. The cold cream you 
 sent I wanted very much. I have to use quantities 
 of it to keep from chapping, and we can't get any 
 glycerine over here. Some of my nurses have such 
 dreadfully chilblained hands and feet, and they 
 are so painful. 
 
 D.'s letters are very interesting. Please thank 
 her for them. I just can't write and answer them 
 all. You've no idea how many strangers I have 
 to write to, — in the States, I mean, — answering 
 questions and acknowledging gifts; but I just 
 love to get the letters from the girls ; I can't 
 write them often. I'm snowed under now with 
 letters that need to be answered. 
 | You must think of us over here as having one 
 of the happiest Christmases possible. Our work 
 is pitiful, but we are at peace in our hearts and 
 very happy to be here. I never felt so at peace 
 and quiet in my mind. We have a very big and 
 vital work to do right here and that is enough, 
 and we are blessed beyond all words to be here 
 and able to do it. 
 
170 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 I believe there is more real peace on earth in 
 men's and women's hearts now in the midst of 
 this world turmoil than has ever been known 
 before. No one should be sorry for us, for any 
 of us who are here in connection with the army. 
 You can't be sorry enough for the wounded and 
 sick, but most of them too are very peaceful, 
 undisturbed, and unafraid. Oh I wish I could tell 
 you what all this is meaning, as I see it. Maybe 
 some day I can, for every day I am seeing things 
 more clearly, but as yet I can't write it all down, 
 
 — after a while perhaps. We talk about it, from 
 time to time, some of us, every once in a while, 
 and oh, dear people, no greater thing can ever 
 come into any one's life than this chance of ours, 
 
 — to get away from little things and self and to 
 know what the things of the Spirit are, and what 
 true values really are. 
 
 A happy Christmas to you all and oh, so much 
 love. I can't bear to stop writing when I think 
 that this will reach you at Christmas time. (Phil 
 is going to Paris to-morrow and may not be back 
 by Christmas.) But together or apart, we'll be 
 thinking of you all and praying to God to spare 
 you till we can see you again. But if it can't be 
 that way, it won't matter so much, for if any one 
 of you goes on before, you will be just so much 
 nearer to us, for you will understand the end from 
 the beginning and be content as you watch how 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 171 
 
 we fight our fight, and we'll feel your nearness 
 and get strength and comfort from it, and there 
 won't be anything but complete love and under- 
 standing between us. It is going to be a long 
 time before we come home, but it doesn't matter, 
 miles make no difference. You are wonderful, and 
 we, of course, must be wonderful too. 
 
 I believe this will be one of your happiest 
 Christmases, as it is ours. 
 
 Good-night, good-night, dear ones, 
 
 Julia. 
 
 Dec. 15, 1917. 
 
 My little Corona has come back from London 
 where it went to be cleaned and I feel as though 
 an old and dear friend had come back. It's a cold 
 Saturday night. Up in the Mess nurses are mak- 
 ing Christmas stockings, one thousand of them, 
 so that they can be filled with all kinds of nice 
 little things that we are receiving from all over 
 the country, and be given, one to each man on 
 Christmas morning. It really is quite a job for 
 each nurse to make ten stockings, but they are 
 getting done. The hospital is not quite so heavy 
 as it has been very steadily all autumn, and 
 temporarily, at least, the pressure has let up a bit. 
 I have sent five nurses away on leave. After six 
 months' service each nurse is entitled to 15 days' 
 leave with pay, but up to now we have not been 
 
172 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 able to spare the nurses, for we have always a 
 few who are sick. I have six sick ones over in the 
 Sick Sisters' Hospital now, but if things stay as 
 they are now, I won't have to send for the ones 
 who are on leave. My sick ladies are not very 
 sick. One has an infected finger, another an in- 
 fected big toe, and the others have slight fevers, 
 or very bad colds which are really the grippe. 
 It is such a blessing that we have such a splendid 
 place to send our sick nurses. 
 
 To-night I want to tell you a bit about gifts 
 and givers. All the mail for the nurses has to be 
 brought to my office to be sorted again : some to 
 be forwarded to English sisters or V. A. D.'s who 
 have left, some to be taken out to be brought up 
 to the Sick Sisters, some to be put away until 
 those on leave return, and some to be hunted up 
 on lists and forwarded if possible. A man brings 
 the papers and packages in large sacks. Some- 
 times there have been three or four sacks full on 
 the same day. He empties them on the floor and 
 Miss Taylor and I sort it out. I wish you could 
 see what we have had here on the floor. There 
 have been jam, coffee beans, and pounds of 
 ground coffee, lump sugar and granulated sugar, 
 cocoa and chocolate by the pound, hard candies 
 and soft candies, cookies, and fruit cake, 'chewing 
 gum, cigarettes, woolen underwear, shoes, knitted 
 things, magazines without wrappings or covers, 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 173 
 
 bits of glass bottles, letters without envelopes, 
 talcum powder, Christmas cards "with love from 
 Aunt Mary," "Merry Christmas and don't for- 
 get me," from John H. Jones, Jr., Kansas City, 
 or Roanoke, Va., and toothpaste. You just ought 
 to see what a tube of pink toothpaste can do to 
 a bag of mail, but the worst of all were the jam 
 and the talcum powder. You would not believe 
 that a large can of Colgate's talcum powder 
 could break right in two, but I have seen two of 
 them broken clean through the middle. And as 
 for the comfort bags for soldiers, you ought to 
 see the way some of those have arrived, sans 
 paper, sans string, together just because the 
 things were in a bag and the address was tied to 
 the bag string. Cardboard boxes never arrive 
 intact. Tin containers get stove in. (I don't know 
 the past participle of that word, maybe it's 
 stiven.) If a tin box with sharp edges is nicely 
 wrapped in paper, it is apt to arrive without the 
 paper, which the sharp edges have worn through. 
 Even wooden boxes are frequently broken. Every- 
 thing is crushed and then of course the strings 
 come off and the contents begin to shake out. 
 The long, long journey is what does the damage, 
 the many weeks of rubbing and shaking. A five- 
 pound box of Maillard's candy packed in a round 
 tin box, arrived for me the other day without 
 the cover of the tin box and with the cover of 
 
174 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 the inside box broken, the candy just protected 
 by the tinfoil inside. But not a piece was missing. 
 There really have been very few instances where 
 we have not been able to identify the person for 
 whom the package was meant, but sometimes, I 
 can assure you it has taken considerable ingenuity. 
 
 The British and the Australians have discovered 
 that the best way to insure the arrival intact of 
 any article is to put it in a box and then sew it 
 up in cloth. If it gets mashed or jammed or 
 "stove in," the contents are very likely to remain 
 inside the cloth covering. Just ordinary heavy 
 unbleached muslin does beautifully. I'd hate to 
 have Dad know how his lovely electric pad arrived, 
 or E. her pretty brown bed-jacket. Magazines and 
 papers should be rolled and wrapped and tied 
 around and through. The parcel post is the 
 quickest and safest and entirely the most con- 
 venient way for us to receive things. For express 
 packages we have to go to town and usually pay 
 charges, even if they have been paid before. 
 And express is very slow. 
 
 People are sending us wonderful things. We 
 really are being too awfully spoiled and are getting 
 so much more than we deserve. Fortunately lots 
 of people are sending us things for our patients' 
 Christmas, which is what we like best of all. But 
 oh the acknowledging ! I really am so swamped 
 with the list I have already made of strangers to 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 175 
 
 whom I must write, I have decided to use a 
 regular form letter and have Simone write this 
 for me on the typewriter. I am sure people will 
 forgive me; they would if they knew what a lot 
 I have to write and how little free time I really 
 have. Here in the office daytimes there are things 
 to be done every minute. I have been trying for a 
 week to get my accounts ready to be audited, just 
 merely to put the receipts by months, and I have 
 not had a chance till late this afternoon, and then 
 I was interrupted a dozen times, once to take a 
 sister of a very sick patient down to the lines to 
 see him. She had just come from England. On 
 the way down she said, "My, but this is different 
 to London, but give me London." Other times I 
 had to stop to give knitted caps to nurses. I 
 have just had some made here in Rouen. Another 
 time it was to help a Y. M. C. A. worker look up 
 a patient's record, another time to let a little 
 night nurse tell me about a patient who had died 
 on her line last night, and how he had said to 
 her, "Sister, stay with me," and she had sat 
 beside him and held his hand, and how she wouldn't 
 have missed this opportunity of working with the 
 English for anything in the world, and although 
 she has a cough which hangs on pretty long she 
 is feeling fine and well and just loves night duty 
 here, the nights are so wonderful, and last night 
 the searchlights on the clouds were most beauti- 
 
176 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 ful and gave one such a feeling of protection. 
 She's a little, slender, 25-year old Virginian with 
 such a pretty speech. Such are the constant 
 interruptions, but they are of course what I am 
 here for, just such interruptions. 
 
 And now I want to tell you a little about givers. 
 To begin with, there was an old lady in an Old 
 Ladies' Home in St. Louis who wrote to ask if 
 she might make for me and my patients some 
 bookmarks with verses on them. Of course I 
 wrote back that she could. After a while along 
 came a box of about a dozen long ribbon book- 
 marks, all the colors of the rainbow, with cross- 
 stitched verses on them like "God is love," "Be 
 of good cheer." I got a wounded soldier that I 
 knew pretty well to write her the best note of 
 thanks he knew how, and I have since heard 
 from her that she received his letter and felt 
 fully rewarded for her pains. The padre said he 
 would help distribute some of them. I saw the 
 soldier's letter. It was quite typical and was full 
 of such expressions as "fed up with," "carry 
 on," "stick it," "Blighty," etc., and I am sure 
 would be a real object of interest and curiosity at 
 the Old Ladies' Home ! 
 
 Then there was the King's Daughters of Pilgrim 
 Church, dear kind people, who sent 40 lbs. of 
 sweet chocolate to Ruth and me, also I don't 
 know how many pounds of coffee. The chocolate 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 177 
 
 was in four ten-pound cakes : delicious chocolate 
 about two feet long, a foot wide, and two inches 
 thick, Hershey's. We've given it away in hunks. 
 Nobody in all the world ever saw such cakes of 
 chocolate. We pounded it up, or rather cracked 
 it up with a hammer, and many people enjoyed it. 
 R. never can have too much. I have another 5 
 lbs. of sweet chocolate unopened as yet (Maillard's), 
 put away for the time when rations fail us. There 
 is also a three-pound box of Chicago candy in 
 storage on my shelf. We'll eat it all after a while, 
 you may be sure. Then the fruit cakes, such 
 wonders. Mr. C. sent some simply perfect ones 
 to both R. and me, and I have another from 
 Scruggs in St. Louis being saved. People are so 
 dear. Mrs. H.'s box of salted nuts, dates, and 
 raisins struck a most popular chord, they were 
 such good things. A dear Jewish lady in St. Louis 
 who hardly knew me at all sent a box of cookies 
 and little cakes, which didn't arrive in very good 
 condition, as they were all in crumbs, but wasn't 
 it kind of her? We feel like missionaries getting 
 barrels. The Sorosis Carol Club's comfort bags 
 have been coming and coming. They are now 
 stacked up in my sitting-room waiting till Christ- 
 mas, when they are going to give lots of pleasure 
 to sick boys, who are so much like little children. 
 Think of a whole tent-full of men howling to have 
 some powder put on their backs because a nurse 
 
 N 
 
178 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 had just put some on a very sick man's back 
 when she was rubbing his back for him. I have a 
 letter to-day that the St. Louis Comforts Com- 
 mittee of the U. S. Navy League is sending us 
 100 wristlets. Well, we can use them. 
 
 It is snowing to-day (Sunday the 16th) and you 
 can't imagine how lovely the camp looks. It is 
 very cold. But I think all my people are warmly 
 enough dressed. They are funny-looking nurses 
 and not much like the fancy pictures of nurses, 
 as they paddle around to-day. They have on 
 round, blue, tight-fitting knitted caps, sweaters, 
 and wristlets, gray dresses and aprons. Some 
 have on their rain-coats and rubber boots, and 
 some have on leather gaiters and heavy boots. 
 They all have knickerbockers under their uni- 
 forms, and some, I know, have knitted sleeveless 
 Jimmy shirts on top of two sets of underwear. 
 But they are as happy as can be and make all 
 sorts of fun about being sewed up for the winter 
 and not needing to brush their hair if they keep 
 their little caps on both night and day, as many do. 
 
 Getting up in the mornings is great. The fires 
 have just been started and have not heated things 
 up a bit and frost is all over everything, and it 
 is a real stunt to get dressed. Over in the Mess 
 at breakfast sometimes the nurses eat with gloves 
 on. But soon the two little stoves warm things 
 up, and groups gather around each fire to make 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 179 
 
 toast, "just to get the frost out of the bread," as 
 one said this morning. Then they bundle up and 
 go chattering down to the lines to look after their 
 boys. The tents are really quite cozy when they 
 are shut up tight, but the air in them gets very 
 bad. The night nurses have the hardest time 
 because they can't move around so much and 
 they find it hard to keep warm, but the Night 
 Supervisors make hot cocoa and toast for them 
 in the Night Duty Hut over their little stove 
 there, and give each nurse a chance to get warmed 
 up about four o'clock in the morning. They have 
 a hot supper in the Hut at midnight. We have a 
 big basket of food sent down from the Mess each 
 evening and one nurse who is "Jane" for a week 
 at a time prepares it and makes coffee. It is no 
 end primitive, for they have no running water 
 and just a tiny stove and an oil lamp, but I bought 
 some pretty dishes for them and they seem to 
 enjoy their night suppers very much. When the 
 doctors operate late, they drop in for a bite too. 
 Many, many nights the nurses have scarcely a 
 moment in which to eat. They can't always be 
 relieved by a supervisor or another nurse, and 
 may have to leave their lines in charge of the 
 orderly while they go to eat. But almost every 
 nurse likes night duty, the nights are so beautiful 
 and so varying and the experiences are so vivid. 
 But to go back to gifts and givers. The packages 
 
180 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 for soldiers are waiting to go into stockings. The 
 Washington University nurses sent such nice boxes 
 to all of us W. U. people, — sleeveless sweaters, 
 bed socks, nuts, candies, and nut cake, with 
 coffee and chocolate. A stranger who had heard 
 some of my letters is sending a gramophone. Maga- 
 zines and notes and cards galore come all the time. 
 People are so good. And we are just being spoiled. 
 We have heard of lots of other things on the way. 
 I am just worried that I will neglect to make a 
 note of some of these things that come and the 
 kind giver won't know how much pleasure and 
 happiness the gift has brought. 
 
 I suppose most of you have read Donald 
 Hankey's book "A Student in Arms." We have 
 had a lot of discussion about the chapter called 
 "Discipline and Leadership." The Major says 
 he has changed his point of view entirely since 
 he has been in the army, and now he agrees with 
 the book entirely. I have not reached that point 
 as yet. I am sure that I must be wrong, but I 
 can't get away from the feeling that you can do 
 the most with people when you appeal to the 
 best in them, and don't insist on discipline for 
 discipline's sake. Army life is altogether different 
 from civilian life, and what held there does not 
 hold here. But in my dealings with the nurses I 
 am probably on the wrong tack, and will un- 
 doubtedly come a cropper before we get back 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 181 
 
 because my discipline has not been rigid enough, 
 and I've been getting results because of my 
 "personality" rather than because of my "orders." 
 It is an interesting matter for discussion. 
 
 This letter has grown to be very long because 
 it has rambled all over the field. It must call a 
 halt now, for soon it will be time to have supper, 
 then practise hymns for Christmas Eve. 
 
 J. 
 
 Dec. 28, 1917. 
 
 The wind is swirling and howling outside and 
 it is very cold, about the coldest day we've had, 
 I think. I have put a little table over nearer the 
 stove than my big desk-table is and here a couple 
 of feet away from the fire, the heat is quite notice- 
 able. It's an amusing sight to see Miss Taylor 
 and me doing our work down here mornings with 
 mittens on. With those nice fingerless ones, we 
 can typewrite or write most comfortably. It's 
 the wind that is making things so cold this eve- 
 ning. Not that it has been warm on the days when 
 there was no wind, for it has been for over two 
 weeks that some fire buckets in my sitting-room 
 have been solid ice. Useful in case of fire, I can 
 hear some one say. Yes, but to-day some chemical 
 fire extinguishers, that I have been making a 
 big howl for, have arrived upon the scene and I 
 shall sleep more peacefully, for our huts are like 
 
182 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 match-boxes. Every morning the water in our 
 pitchers is frozen and the ink in fountain pens. 
 We have to jerk our tooth-brushes out of the 
 glasses and pry the soap off of the soap-dishes. 
 In the Mess, our drinking-water bottles have 
 ice in them, like the Waldorf. There is one story 
 that some believe and some don't, but the nurse 
 swears it is true, and that is — that her hot- water 
 bottle was frozen solid in the morning in her bed. 
 I asked about it and learned that it had been 
 placed outside her sleeping bag and had slipped 
 down to the foot of the bed where the blankets 
 were loose, but it was frozen. It is most amusing 
 the howls one hears in the mornings ; it is so hard 
 to get up. The fires don't get things warmed up 
 a bit, for a long time, and it is like getting up out 
 of doors. We all have schemes about how to dress 
 at night so that dressing in the morning will 
 necessitate the least exposure and the least chang- 
 ing. It is awfully funny and doesn't hurt us a 
 bit. The chilblains hurt and are awful, but heroic 
 treatment helps. There are parades of barefoot 
 ladies who go and walk in the snow nights, then 
 come in and rub and roar; then there are the 
 cold-water foot baths, which are said to be worse 
 than the snow treatment. Occasionally a day or 
 two off duty is necessary for very bad hands or 
 feet. Almost everybody wears two pairs of woolen 
 stockings and monstrous shoes, aDd oh! the 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 183 
 
 money that is being spent on having shoes made 
 to order — very high ones with extra thick soles. 
 But on the whole a stranger would think our group 
 looks mighty fat and well. There are a lot of 
 coughs that hang on. To-day, for instance, out 
 of my 99 women, I have just three off duty sick, 
 
 — one has an infected thumb ; another an in- 
 fected toe; and the third, poor dear, has been 
 having a painful attack. But at home in steam- 
 heated apartments, we could not do better than 
 that. Some dear lambs walk with a good deal of 
 a limp when they first go on duty in the morn- 
 ings, but as the days progress their feet feel better. 
 I have been awfully lucky, though I came near 
 getting some trouble started. I walked downtown 
 with Major Veeder last Sunday, when we were 
 going down to dinner, and that night the balls 
 of my feet and the heels got very burning and 
 swollen, but vigorous treatment stopped the 
 trouble. 
 
 This is a very quiet Sunday — Dec. 30th, 1917, 
 
 — and every nurse is having a full half day 
 off duty. We have over eight hundred patients, 
 but there are not so very many that are desper- 
 ately sick. I want to tell you all about our wonder- 
 ful Christmas and I hope I won't be much dis- 
 turbed, for I am in the office, as Miss Taylor is 
 off duty. The nurses and doctors, helped by a 
 few home gifts, raised about $600 to be spent 
 
184 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 for Christmas. About $200 of that, it was decided, 
 was to go to some Rouen charity for children. 
 So one cold day, Major Murphy, Major Veeder, 
 and I went to look up the names of some philan- 
 thropic organizations that had been given us by 
 the Mayor. I forgot to say that the first move 
 was a call that Major Veeder and I made on the 
 Mayor to get a list of the accredited charities. 
 You would have been amused and proud ( ?) to 
 hear me explain in slow and careful French who 
 we were and what we wanted. But I got it over, 
 and the list was sent us with many respectful 
 salutations. When we visited some of the societies 
 on the list, we had a most interesting time. We 
 three would take turns in speaking the French 
 and explaining what we wanted. We'd rehearse 
 on the front door steps like so many kids. We 
 visited a refuge for little boys — such a poor, 
 bare place, managed by a priest and some sisters ; 
 then a sort of industrial school; then the office 
 of the Society for the care of war orphans. Here 
 we got the names of ten families to which we 
 could send special New Year's baskets. We de- 
 cided to give something to each of these societies, 
 and, in all, spend about $200. There has been 
 lots of fun about the baskets, for the doctors 
 auctioned off the privilege of having a family, 
 and with each family there went the name of a 
 nurse who was to help. Many of the families 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 185 
 
 got visited yesterday, and baskets of clothes 
 and toys and food were purchased, and on 
 New Year's morning, they are going to be 
 delivered. « 
 
 Then for our patients, we bought pork, extra, 
 for their dinner, and beer. The English Govern- 
 ment sent them plum puddings. We wanted turkey 
 or chicken, but found we could not afford it for 
 so many. But they loved the pork. We had been 
 making fancy Christmas stockings for days, and 
 a committee, of which Ruth Cobb was chairman, 
 had been having a very bad time trying to buy 
 and get delivered enough supplies to fill them. 
 There had been great fun filling them. We had 
 requisitioned all the candy and cigarettes we 
 could from the officers, and we got them to help 
 fill, so by Christmas Eve, when we had about 
 750 filled, we thought we were quite safe, as a 
 great many patients had been sent out, but that 
 evening we were notified to be prepared to receive 
 two convoys of a hundred each, during the night. 
 The Committee almost wept, but they got very 
 busy and by 10 o'clock on Christmas morning 
 every patient in the hospital had received a stock- 
 ing with fruit, tobacco, candies, nuts, and some 
 kind of a present in it. Only one of the convoys 
 had arrived by noon — the other one got delayed 
 somewhere. The patients were just like little boys 
 with their stockings, and the nurses had just as 
 
186 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 much fun with them as though they had been. 
 The one-armed men could not untie the necks of 
 their stockings, which had to be tied up tight, 
 and so their shouts all through those tents : "Oh, 
 Sister, come and snip mine next." The Sisters 
 dashed around, snipping and untying and pulling 
 snappers and fitting on paper caps. The British 
 Red Cross sent us a lot of decorations and things 
 we could use for the stockings, and the Australian 
 Red Cross gave some money as did the American 
 Red Cross. The boxes the St. Louis Chapter 
 of the American Red Cross sent for the Unit 
 have not arrived yet. 
 
 Now about the singing on Christmas Eve, 
 which was the loveliest part of the whole Christ- 
 mas to me. At 8 : 15 about 50 bundled-up nurses 
 left the quarters and walked down across the 
 snow, each carrying her candle lantern. It was 
 the loveliest sight, for the night was perfect. It 
 was not too cold and the snow made everything 
 so bright. I had my violin to start them with 
 and keep them on the key. We began at one corner 
 of the camp and just as soon as we had started 
 we were joined by all the officers and a number 
 of the enlisted men, and soon up-patients gathered 
 around too, so as we went from place to place 
 between the lines of tents we must have been a 
 crowd of over 200 people. I wish you could have 
 seen what I saw. I knew the tunes so well I could 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 187 
 
 watch the others as I played. Officers and nurses, 
 and patients and nurses looking together over 
 one sheet of words (we had had the words mimeo- 
 graphed, for we have only two hymn books of the 
 same kind), while one of them held the lantern 
 so that the light fell on the paper. And all were 
 singing so intently and so happily. One group of 
 patients, who said they wanted to learn those 
 'Yankee tunes," pushed and shoved to be by me 
 every time because they said they wanted to be 
 near the "band." We sang — "Oh, Come, All 
 Ye Faithful." That everybody knew ; and "Hark, 
 the Herald Angels," and "It Came upon the 
 Midnight Clear," and "Oh, Little Town of 
 Bethlehem," and "Holy Night, Silent Night." 
 We sang in eight places. It is something I shall 
 never forget if I live to be a hundred, and I imagine 
 a good many felt the same way. If there only 
 were some other way we could have community 
 singing. There is nothing like it. I was worn to 
 a frazzle afterwards, but it was worth any amount 
 of effort. The night nurses said the patients loved 
 it, only there was not enough of it, though we 
 sang for an hour and a half all together. 
 
 After the singing we in our hut had a little 
 hut party. We had a little Christmas tree, with 
 fool presents on it for each one of us with a rhyme. 
 You don't know what lovely tree decorations 
 can be made out of the silver-foil out of candy 
 
188 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 boxes; a bit of gilt fringe which was carefully 
 raveled was a great find. We had a nice little 
 family party, ending with cocoa and little cookies ; 
 then parted for the night. At midnight Ruth and 
 I went with a group of the Catholic nurses over 
 across the road to the midnight service in their 
 chapel. 
 
 Christmas night we had a party in our Mess for 
 just our American officers and nurses. The Mess 
 had been beautifully decorated with holly and 
 greens and we had our dinner early (4 and 5), 
 so that all the tables could be taken out and a 
 stage set. Three or four of the doctors and a 
 couple of nurses acted a little burlesque which 
 they adapted from something they saw in Punch, 
 It was full of local hits and was very amusing and 
 clever. Then we had a monologue by another 
 of the doctors, which was very good; then some 
 songs by another doctor. Do you know "Joan 
 of Arc, They are Calling You" ? That was one of 
 them. Then came the "Army Alphabet" written 
 by two of the nurses and read by me. It wound 
 up with a scene about "TJ is us as we used to be" 
 and gave a chance for a bunch of pretty girls 
 to dress up in mufti, and how pretty they did 
 look after all this somber uniform stuff. They 
 had a little business about going to say good-by 
 to a friend of theirs who was just off for France 
 as a nurse, then when I got to — 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 189 
 
 "Y's for the years and years till we've done, 
 When we've healed every Tommy and killed every 
 
 Hun, 
 Then old and decrepit and wrinkled and gray, 
 To America's shores we'll wend our way. 
 They set dogs on old ' Rip ' — 
 He was gone twenty years — 
 Oh, what will they do — 
 When this Unit appears ?" 
 
 Then they had a scene to show how we would 
 appear. It was killingly funny and brought down 
 the house. Then we wound up with a dance. 
 Lots of the group said it was the nicest Christmas 
 they could possibly imagine. I was so glad, for 
 it might have been so different, for Christmas is 
 a lonesome time and nobody had time to be 
 lonesome here. We have not had any mail for 
 ages. Some packages came through the week 
 before Christmas, but I have had no letters 
 from the States since those that came written 
 about November 24th. We keep hoping every 
 day that a big batch will arrive. 
 
 All the hospitals around us are entertaining a 
 lot this week. They are having "at homes" 
 or concerts or little plays, and there seems to be 
 something doing every afternoon or evening. 
 It is an awfully good thing, and I really suppose 
 we ought to give some sort of an affair here, but 
 how I don't want to ! 
 
190 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Now good night and loads and loads of love to 
 you all, you very dear ones. The Red Cross card 
 Mother sent nearly broke me up, — especially 
 what she wrote on the back. 
 
 Jule. 
 
 January 22, 1918. 
 
 I have just realized that it is about three weeks 
 since I last wrote. I don't know how it happened 
 to be so long, except that I guess there has not 
 been very much of special interest to say. I have 
 not done all my thanking for Christmas presents 
 yet and I have been getting along with those 
 little by little and so had not noticed that I had 
 not written a regular for so long. The past two 
 weeks have been very mild, in great contrast to 
 the month before. The warmish, damp weather 
 has not been any too good for the general health 
 of the group, for we have continued to have a good 
 deal of the "flue," as the British call the influenza. 
 But the chilblains are all better. 
 
 The hospital has continued to have about the 
 same number of patients right along. We vary 
 between eight and ten hundred, sending out some 
 every day and getting in convoys nearly every 
 night. We get such a lot of medical cases now and 
 such a lot of trench feet, which are such dreadful 
 things. They are the result of wet and cold and 
 are often very serious. They are very painful 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 191 
 
 and sometimes result in gangrene. To-day one 
 poor lad had to be told that he would have to 
 lose both feet because of this trouble, and he is 
 simply crushed. To-morrow he will buck up, 
 but to-night it seems too much to be borne. We 
 have some terribly sick men, but not so large a 
 proportion of them as awhile ago. I am sending 
 as many nurses away for their leave as I possibly 
 can while the work is not so dreadfully heavy. 
 I have had about thirty away for their fifteen 
 days already. Ruth Cobb is in Paris now with 
 Miss Watkins. Most of the nurses go to Paris. 
 Three have been down to Cannes, but they were 
 sent through the British authorities. In a few 
 days my splendid assistant is going to Paris with 
 three of her pals. I shall miss her very much as 
 she is a wonderful right-hand man, and one I 
 depend on a lot. After she gets back, which will 
 be Feb. 8th, I expect to go for my leave. I am 
 planning to go to London, for I want to see Eliza- 
 beth M. and I want to get away from nurses. 
 I could not do that in Paris, nor at Cannes, nor 
 at Mentone ; besides which I don't want to go to 
 any of those places alone, and I can't go very well 
 with any nurses from here. So it's London for 
 me. I don't mind the Channel trip, nor possi- 
 bilities of air raids, nor bad weather. 
 
 I find I am right tired though it is not from hard, 
 physical work of any kind, for I certainly am 
 
192 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 not doing that. I guess it is from responsibility, 
 and more or less of a long-continued strain. 
 Anyway a change will do me good. We all get 
 fifteen days every six months if we can manage 
 it. You see we are all overdue here, and there 
 are so many of us I can't possibly get around 
 before the second fifteen days will be due. I will 
 cable from London some time while I am there 
 just to let you know I am there safely. 
 
 More strange gifts still come along. ... I 
 am not properly grateful for cast-off clothes, I'm 
 afraid, especially when they are flung at one 
 without a word. However, I ought to be ashamed 
 to growl. But so many, many people have been 
 so wonderfully good to us and have sent us such 
 superlative things with dear notes saying that 
 the best was none too good for us, I am afraid we 
 are plain spoiled. 
 
 You can't imagine what fun we have talking 
 about what we will do first when we get home. 
 It is a favorite game. Some want theaters, some 
 want real concerts, like symphonies, some want 
 warm, marble bath-rooms, some great big soft 
 beds, some lovely fluffy evening clothes, some 
 automobile rides in parks, some ice-cream. A 
 whole lot want some kind of bread stuffs, muffins, 
 biscuits, popovers, waffles, pancakes. That is 
 what I want among other things, but most of 
 all I want to see my family and my friends. The 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 193 
 
 days go by rapidly, but it seems years since we 
 left, and it is going to be a long, long time before 
 we get home. We play games at the table about 
 the food, pretending that it is something else. 
 We have awfully good food considering, but of 
 course it gets monotonous and tiresome, and one 
 needs to be good and hungry all the time to enjoy 
 it. But most of us are very hungry at meal-times 
 and have good appetites ; it is when you are a 
 bit off your feed you think how nice it would 
 be to have some good milk toast with real butter, 
 real milk, and real bread. To-day, for instance, 
 I'll tell you what our food was. Breakfast : good 
 oatmeal with boiled milk and sugar, coffee, 
 war bread, which one of the group toasted before 
 the fire for our table, "bacon" the eternal, which 
 is fried ham, and not very good. Lunch : a 
 kind of meat loaf, rice, with cheese (which we 
 have about every other day), bread and butter, 
 cocoa, and stewed figs, stewed without sugar. 
 With the meat and rice was creamed yellow turnip. 
 Dinner : brown meat and gravy, boiled potatoes 
 and beets, coffee and a kind of chocolate bread- 
 pudding, which somebody said was bread soaked 
 in left-over cocoa. This really was not a very 
 good day for food, but you see it was all nourish- 
 ing, and it was cooked well, but it is not fancy. 
 After lunches and dinners like that, if we have 
 some candy or fruit cake in our rooms, we go and 
 
194 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 have some of that for dessert. Mother's box from 
 Charles with all the fancy things for a tea-party 
 came yesterday. It had been opened and not very 
 well repacked, so that the crackers and cookies 
 were a bit the worse for the journey, but I think 
 I can freshen them up. It is queer that any one 
 should have found it necessary to open a box of 
 crackers to see what it contained. 
 
 The music E. sent and the songs that Mother 
 sent all came safely and I am so glad to have it 
 all. Sunday night I had a beautiful time with 
 one of the nurses, playing through the new book 
 of duets. The new songs are being used constantly. 
 Mrs. McB.'s box of books arrived this week after 
 its long wanderings. It was most welcome. The 
 books are already giving the greatest pleasure. 
 I have already read three of them myself. Even 
 the doctors come to me for books every now and 
 then, so it is fine to have some good ones on hand 
 to lend to them as well as the nurses. 
 
 I see Phil every once in a while. He was down 
 last night at a little dance in our mess which I 
 did not attend. I have learned both the onestep 
 and the foxtrot over here in my old age ! I was 
 down to dinner twice the week before with him. 
 It is very pleasant to walk down with him late in 
 the afternoon, wander around a little, get a good 
 dinner, then walk back again, talking over all 
 the latest news from letters or camp gossip. He 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 195 
 
 seems to be enjoying his work at No. 25 Sta- 
 tionary Hospital very much, though he does not 
 find the work at all arduous. 
 
 This is a very dull letter, but it is meant to tell 
 you that we are all "carrying on" as usual, are 
 all "in the pink" and feeling "champion." A 
 few of our number have been a bit "seedy," but 
 are "going on fine." We are all wondering "where 
 do we go from here," but rumor says that we won't 
 be moved before Summer, which we hope is true. 
 We have very few among us who are "grousers," 
 but even they would not like to leave this place. 
 
 Tell Elsie, please, that I use her brown jacket 
 every night and it is the nicest thing. I don't 
 need anything for my sitting-room now that it 
 is so comfortable and attractive. It has a little 
 coal stove in it now, which makes it awfully nice 
 for evenings. I am not there much in the day- 
 times except for French lessons. I am always 
 having some flowers there, people are so nice. I 
 have some white lilacs ( ! ) there now — lovely 
 forced things that are really sweet. 
 
 It is getting late and I must beat it to bed. 
 I'll try to write sooner this next time. 
 
 With loads and loads of love, 
 
 Jule. 
 
 Dad's letter dated Dec. 25th is the latest I 
 have heard from you, I think. A nice letter 
 
196 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 from Isabelle dated Dec. 13th arrived a few days 
 ago. 
 
 Feb. 6, 1918. 
 
 A draft of men is marching by singing and 
 whistling and shouting, which shows us that 
 they are off to the front, for that is the way the 
 troops leave to go to the trenches. I am very 
 tired and spunkless to-night, and I haven't any 
 lofty thoughts and inspirations, for the needs of 
 the flesh are seeming to predominate, and what 
 I want more than anything else is a wonderful hot 
 bath in a beautiful warm bathroom, and then such 
 a long sleep in a beautiful big bed, where I can- 
 not hear any bugle-calls, any breakfast bells, any 
 coughing nurses, or anything except perhaps 
 soothing, joyriding automobiles. You can see 
 my state of mind. Miss Taylor has been away on 
 her leave for almost a fortnight, which has meant 
 that things have been a good deal harder for me, 
 even though I have had a very capable nurse to 
 assist me in the office. But I am edgy and irri- 
 table and need to get away myself. 
 
 We have had a lot of perplexities to deal with, 
 and I have needed to use continuous alertness 
 of mind to keep up with the details. For instance, 
 it requires five separate papers for each nurso 
 who goes on leave, and I have had fifteen gone 
 at a time for over two months, the group changing 
 every day or so, and I must see that every paper 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES^ 197 
 
 is correct or something will go wrong; the Ford 
 won't be there to take them to the train, they 
 won't have the papers which enable them to get 
 the military fare on the train, or they won't have 
 the proper form of request for a new serge uni- 
 form which they can order and get fitted in Paris, 
 or they will arrive back at the station with a 
 heavy suitcase and no way of getting home except 
 with much difficulty ; or some one won't be sched- 
 uled to take their work in the wards, or they won't 
 have received their salary before they left, or 
 they have not told at which hotel they were plan- 
 ning to stay, etc. etc. 
 
 Ah well, I will be a much nicer person when I 
 get back from my leave. I am due to go on the 
 11th to London to be with Elizabeth M. 
 
 The present group that are on leave, at least 
 most of them, had the experience of being in a 
 bombed city. Ruth was there and thought it all 
 most interesting. Their hotel was near enough 
 to the bombed district to make the experience 
 unforgetable, although they were not in any way 
 alarmed or hurt. 
 
 Will Elsie please thank little Alice for her fine 
 letter ? I didn't know that she could write so well 
 and use such big words. I hope she will write 
 me again soon. I am crazy about my little service 
 flag. It is quite a curiosity here. The cold you 
 have had over there has been far worse than ours. 
 
198 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 So far we have had only about a month of really 
 cold weather. Some of my Jewish nurses — I have 
 three or four — were much interested in the 
 "Chosen People." I am so glad that there is a 
 chance of Dad's getting the song-books for us. 
 We had a great sing a week ago Sunday evening, 
 only such hymns ! regular revival ones. 
 
 It is late and I must get to bed. I do feel 
 your love and I need it so much. 
 
 Loads and loads of love. 
 
 Feb. 10, 1918. 
 
 It is a glorious, sunny, mild, Springy day here. 
 The patients who can walk are crawling out into 
 the sun. Many beds have been carried out so 
 that some of the sickest may have the benefit 
 of the warm rays of the run. The nurses walk 
 around with a kind of sauntering air that shows 
 that they are able to appreciate the lovely day and 
 the precious lack of rush. This afternoon there 
 will be many walks. Last Sunday afternoon I had 
 a perfect walk. We were gone from two to six- 
 thirty, and walked miles through lovely country 
 roads and lanes. Pussy-willows are out and bushes 
 show budding leaves, and it feels as though Spring 
 were really here. But we are likely to have more 
 cold weather yet, we are told. I am on until about 
 four-thirty. Miss Taylor is back and I am due 
 to go to-morrow. Phil is coming down soon to 
 play basket-ball with our officers against some 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 199 
 
 Canadian officers. There is a good place to play 
 right in front of the grand stand on the track, which 
 is all turf. I am looking forward most eagerly to my 
 leave. I need to see new faces for a while. Phil 
 and I had dinner together down town a few days 
 ago. I had many errands at the Base Cashier's, 
 banks, etc., and met him at our favorite rendez- 
 vous — the Cathedral ; then we wandered around 
 together, did little errands, had a nice dinner, 
 and were back here by eight-thirty. 
 
 That evening we had a lecture in the Mess 
 by one of our young officers — a very brilliant 
 young fellow — on the war. He has been giving 
 a series of talks to us. The first was on the West- 
 ern front and its changes, and the second was on 
 the Balkan States. The nurses were much inter- 
 ested. We are too near to be able to get any kind 
 of a good view of the whole situation, and we have 
 not time to hunt for it in periodicals. 
 
 We have no further word about the Vassar 
 proposition. It would be a fearfully hard thing 
 to leave this Unit. 
 
 I shall have such a nice time with Elizabeth 
 in London. Food is scarce there; the paper says 
 they in London can have only one meat meal a 
 week! But what do I care? I'm bringing E. a 
 present of sugar ! I'll write you from there. 
 Loads and loads of love. 
 
 v v Jule. 
 
£00 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 London W. 
 Friday, February 15, 1918. 
 
 I want to tell all the details about going on 
 leave to England, for it is something of an experi- 
 ence. On Monday morning the eleventh, when I 
 left, I had to report at the office of the D. D. M. S. 
 in Rouen to get my travel warrant. Although 
 I had asked for leave to England with permission 
 to go on my own expense, because we are not 
 asking leave permission from the British, I was 
 told that that was not going to be possible, but 
 that I would be sent through just as the English 
 Sisters are. The Havre train left about half past 
 ten and reached Havre about twelve-thirty. I 
 was held up at the station when I wanted to leave 
 and had to show my identification papers, but was 
 soon let through. I learned afterwards that if 
 I had been with some English Sisters that were go- 
 ing to England too, I'd have been met and con- 
 ducted as the others were. As I did not know 
 that and was not with the others I went off by 
 myself and was rather glad I did as I had a very 
 interesting time. I went to a near-by hotel, that 
 I had heard was the best, and had a very good 
 lunch. Strangely enough, in the dining-room I ran 
 into Mrs. Christy, the Chief Nurse of the N. Y. 
 Presbyterian Unit, who was on her way to Cannes. 
 I had only two words with her, as she was just 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 201 
 
 leaving, but when I told her I was going to Eng- 
 land, she said she wasn't allowed to. It is most 
 strange how different rules and regulations get 
 through to the different Units. 
 
 As I had the whole afternoon before me to spend 
 in Havre I went to the nice women at the office 
 and asked their advice as to the best promenade. 
 They spoke no English, but we were able to under- 
 stand each other beautifully. They directed me 
 by means of two trams and a funicular railway 
 to a very high part of the town, with a lovely 
 view over the city and harbor. It was a glorious, 
 sunny day so I had a beautiful time wandering 
 about by myself. After walking quite a long way 
 I found myself near a cemetery as a pitiful 
 little French procession was entering. I followed 
 just to see how this sort of thing was done in the 
 French way. The funeral was for two tiny babies 
 which were borne in tiny boxes on small litters 
 carried by two men each. Two priests walked 
 ahead and behind followed the relatives and 
 friends. This was not really a cheerful way to 
 spend part of one's holiday, especially as I could see 
 at a little distance the interment of an Australian 
 soldier, but it was interesting. I wandered around 
 and talked to little children and watched people 
 and gazed at aeroplanes sailing over the town 
 for over three hours, then I went back to the hotel 
 and had tea and then read until dinner time. 
 
202 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 At dinner a Frenchman engaged me in conver- 
 sation, much to my interest, as he spoke not a 
 word of English and was just going over to Eng- 
 land. He was as nervous and excited as could be 
 and seemed so glad to talk. He had been wounded 
 and was now permanently out of the army. 
 At dinner we had had, among other vegetables, 
 something called "soissons," which I had dis- 
 covered to be a kind of bean. In the cab which 
 the Frenchman and I took together to go to the 
 quay he told me that he had been wounded at 
 "Soissons" and that was why he always took 
 "soissons" when they were on the menu. He 
 showed me the watch charm he had had made 
 from the piece of shell that had been taken out of 
 his chest. They are so cunning, some of these 
 French people. I lost him on the boat and didn't 
 see him again except in the distance the next 
 morning. 
 
 On the boat I found that by paying a reasonable 
 sum I could have a stateroom by myself instead 
 of having to share with six English Sisters the 
 ladies' saloon, which has had berths put into it 
 which are perfectly comfortable, but which afford 
 no privacy. I had a splendid night and slept like 
 a top almost the whole night through. I woke 
 once to find that the boat was tossing a little, but 
 I was too tired and sleepy to care and promptly 
 went to sleep again. I had not undressed very 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 203 
 
 much, but even the discomfort of day clothes 
 could not keep me awake. I was quite surprised 
 when the stewardess called me at six-thirty, and 
 we were approaching the docks of Southampton. 
 I don't know what time the boat left Havre. 
 We went on board at eight-thirty and I was 
 asleep before we left. After a breakfast of sorts 
 on the boat we landed about seven-thirty. As the 
 train to "town" didn't leave till nine-thirty 
 there was plenty of time to send telegrams back 
 to Rouen and on to Elizabeth in London. I came 
 on to London with the English Sisters, who told 
 me they had been met and taken care of and put 
 on the boat and fed with a spoon almost every 
 minute since they got off the train at Havre. 
 I was awfully glad I was not with them, but was 
 also glad to know that that was the way nurses 
 traveling to England are looked after ordinarily, 
 if they are not as exclusive and standoffish 
 as these English ladies thought I was. I took 
 pains to show them that I had not meant to 
 be, but I simply had not expected to be looked 
 after. 
 
 London is just as fascinating as ever. There 
 has been no sunshine since I have been here, but 
 the weather has not been at all bad. It is just 
 dark and smoky. It is wonderful to be here with 
 Elizabeth in a home. Jim is so awfully busy with 
 his hospital work we scarcely see him at all. 
 
204 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 He often does not get in for meals, and so far he 
 has had to be out every evening. Elizabeth is 
 doing some very hard work on the American 
 Committee at the Embassy. This is regular social 
 service work for Americans in difficulties and is 
 a part of the continuation of that big committee 
 that did such splendid work at the beginning of 
 the war. The committee that E. is on takes care 
 of the women and married men with children and 
 it still has plenty to do. 
 
 I have just been reveling in the civilization 
 and comfort of this home. E.'s china and silver 
 and linen are a perfect joy which I never appre- 
 ciated in any home so much before. The food 
 question is getting pretty serious, but at present 
 there is enough to eat, though Jim says he doesn't 
 know how long there will be. It is very difficult 
 to get things, as only small quantities can be sold 
 at a time. There is no milk to be had except for 
 invalids and children, there is scarcely any butter, 
 sugar is sold by cards, and in a few days almost 
 everything is going to be rationed. The sugar 
 card that was issued to me before I left France 
 allows my hostess to buy for me sugar not to 
 exceed one and one seventh ounces a day for the 
 exact time I am to be here. I brought E. a present 
 of some domino lump sugar which you would 
 have thought was a box of diamonds. When one 
 is to lunch out anywhere one produces one's own 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 205 
 
 sugar from one's pocket ; otherwise the meal would 
 be sugarless. 
 
 I have been sleeping and sleeping ever since 
 I arrived. I have my breakfast in bed almost 
 every morning and lie abed afterwards in lazy 
 sloth. The roar of the city is utterly soothing to 
 me. Am I not an urbanite? Sometimes it is too 
 dreadfully quiet at our camp at Rouen. My room 
 is very high up in this narrow, tall English house, 
 so that the noise of the streets is somewhat less 
 than it would sound down lower. I have not 
 wanted to be energetic yet, but I have been hav- 
 ing such a good time, mostly doing nothing. E. 
 and I have made pleasant pilgrimages out of the 
 need of doing several small errands, and we have 
 been to the theater twice already. I just ache for 
 the theater and am leading E. a quite willing 
 martyr right up to as many shows as I can get 
 in. We have seen Charles Hawtrey in "The 
 Saving Grace," which was very entertaining, and 
 not too much about the war, and this afternoon 
 we went to the Colosseum to a variety show which 
 included Mrs. Lillie Langtry and Vesta Tilley. 
 To-morrow we are going to see Mrs. Patrick 
 Campbell in "The Thirteenth Chair" — all of 
 which you see is the greatest dissipation. 
 
 I have not seen a single American nurse so far 
 as I know, and I have not visited a single hospital 
 and don't mean to. This morning I went to pay 
 
206 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 my respects to the British Matron-in-Chief. 
 She was less formidable than the last time I saw 
 her and was really quite cordial. She took me to 
 see General Goodwin, who is to be Director General 
 of the medical forces and who has recently returned 
 from the States. He was most charming and I had 
 a delightful talk with him. I was glad of a chance 
 to tell these British officials how fortunate we 
 think we are to have been sent to work with the 
 British, and to tell them how we have appreciated 
 all the innumerable courtesies they have shown 
 us and the way they have helped us. 
 
 E. and I have had lunch down town one day 
 and we have had her mother-in-law and brother- 
 in-law here to dinner. I have had a splendid real 
 shampoo for the first time since we left London 
 last June. We have several pleasant little things 
 planned to do next week, but I like best just sit- 
 ting around here on real, soft-cushioned sofas. 
 E.'s two little boys are darlings. I don't see them 
 much as most of the time they are off with "nurse." 
 Jim is four and a half now and John just two. 
 
 You see I am having a wonderful rest. Good 
 night, and loads of love. 
 
 Jule. 
 
 Rouen, March 14, 1918. 
 
 Here I am back with my children, very happy 
 that I am not to return to the States, and per- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 207 
 
 fectly content to stay here where I know I am 
 needed and can be of use. The future is on the 
 lap of the gods. If I get orders to go to Paris, 
 or anywhere else, I will go, leaving these dear 
 people with the greatest regret. But I have nothing 
 to worry about and can go about my work with 
 the greatest peace. 
 
 We are having a great number of the most 
 pitiful cases these last few nights ; gassed men in 
 terrible condition. Nearly three hundred the last 
 two nights, and a hundred and fifty due to-night. 
 Major Murphy said that last night's convoy was 
 the worst he has seen since we have been here. 
 Ambulance load after ambulance load of stretcher 
 cases with bandaged eyes and burning lungs. 
 The men tell awful stories of whole companies 
 affected so that not a man, an officer, or a doctor 
 is able to do a thing for anybody else. It seems to 
 be a new kind of gas. At any rate the effects seem 
 to be different from those we have observed before. 
 The masks have not seemed to protect the men. 
 We have had so many put on the Seriously 111 and 
 Dangerously 111 lists to-day, Miss Taylor has been 
 writing letters to families all day. 
 
 March 18, 1918. 
 
 Dearest Mother : — 
 
 It is such heavenly weather here and things 
 are so beautiful. Everything is quiet and happy 
 
208 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 and peaceful here with us though our work seems 
 to be increasing pretty steadily. I cannot help 
 feeling more or less agitated inside, for I know 
 that an order to leave this Unit and go to Paris 
 may come any minute. When the order actually 
 arises, there is not going to be anything but 
 approval, I think, among my nurses as far as my 
 action and my duty go — for they'll know this 
 is an order and not a choice in any way — but 
 there is going to be a bad time when it comes to 
 parting. I dread it fearfully, for I know they all 
 care for me and won't want me to go from a per- 
 sonal point of view, and I shall feel dreadfully 
 about leaving them. We have all been through 
 so much together we feel very close. Same way 
 about the officers. I shall hate to leave them. But 
 it is coming. Phil won't like it either. 
 Such is life in the army ! 
 
 Loads of love, 
 
 Jule. 
 
 March 25, 1918. 
 
 This typewriter is almost hot, it has been worked 
 so hard to-day. I think Miss Taylor and I have 
 written over forty Dangerously 111 and Seriously 
 111 letters to-day, from which you may infer that 
 we are busy. We are busier than we have ever 
 been before. I am snatching a few moments 
 while the day and night shifts change to tell you 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 209 
 
 a little about things, then in a little while I must 
 go down to the lines and see how things are and 
 send off to bed the many day nurses I am sure 
 to find on duty still. The nurses all hate so ter- 
 ribly to go off when there are so many things 
 remaining to be done, but I cannot have them 
 working both day and night, for in a few days, if 
 they keep that up, they won't be able to work at 
 all. No one has had a minute "off duty" for five 
 days now and they are beginning to show it, 
 but they have got to keep this up for a while 
 longer and so I drive them off with many things 
 left undone. Of course there are always night 
 nurses to go on with the work, but they are usually 
 only one to a hut or line, where in the day-time 
 there may have been four or five. 
 
 Our excitement began last Thursday the 21st 
 with an order that for all ranks Rouen was to be 
 "Out of Bounds." This was because they had 
 Smallpox there. We have maids, French teachers, 
 stenographers, and sewing-women coming back 
 and forth every day and things looked compli- 
 cated — and were. But only for a while. Every- 
 body was vaccinated, and the important civilians 
 were given daily passes, and so our work goes 
 on about as usual. I made temporary arrangements 
 for four maids to stay here on the grounds with us. 
 
 That very day we were given an hour's warning 
 in getting our next team off for a Clearing Station. 
 
210 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 The people had been designated but they were 
 not packed. You never saw any woman packed 
 in more double-quick time than our dear nurse 
 was. We have been a bit worried about her ever 
 since she left, for disquieting reports of great 
 activity in her vicinity have been coming to us 
 every day since she left. She has six good Ameri- 
 can men to look after her, which is a comforting 
 thought to us. 
 
 That day patients began to pour in upon us. 
 We were told to be prepared to receive unlimited 
 numbers. Well, they have been coming. Day 
 before yesterday we operated on fifty cases, yes- 
 terday fifty-one, to-day they had seventy-three 
 scheduled. I have just been down on the lines 
 and to the operating-room. You would not believe 
 me if I told you how that place looks. They have 
 at least forty more cases to operate on to-night. 
 Both the day and the night shifts of nurses are 
 there, but the day shift promises to go up in an 
 hour. As more convoys are due to-night, there 
 may be even more to be operated upon than are 
 scheduled. The doctors are about dead. They 
 are working in shifts as much as they can. The 
 stretcher-bearers are dead tired, but as cheerful 
 as monkeys. I was just at the "Point," where 
 ambulances are loaded and unloaded, and a con- 
 voy of stretcher cases was just going out to be 
 shipped to England,, I think. Our American boys 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 211 
 
 were jollying the Tommies who were on the 
 stretchers, and it all sounded so cheerful. 
 
 It is not so cheerful when the convoys come in. 
 Last night we had a convoy come in that seemed 
 to be all D. I. cases, many were too badly off to 
 be operated on. It still makes one sick at the 
 stomach to read on a man's card : " Gun-shot 
 wound, face, chest and right arm, amputation 
 both legs." Major Fischel has just been in to say 
 that since there must be two hundred "walking 
 wounded" ready to go out by ten a.m. he wants 
 to know if I can have nurses to help dress their 
 wounds early in the morning. I said " Yes, if he 
 meant by early, 7:30" because I wanted the 
 nurses to have something to eat before the start. 
 Seven-thirty will do, so £00 walkers who came in 
 to-day will have fresh dressings put on their in- 
 juries and be ready to be shipped along at ten. 
 
 So it goes. We have no time for sore vaccinated 
 arms, but fortunately I have heard of only one 
 that is sore so far. People are such bricks under 
 pressure like this. It is perfectly marvelous. I 
 cannot say how glad I am that we managed 
 to give every nurse a whole day off a week or so 
 ago; they certainly needed any reserve strength 
 they could store up. Two nurses just got back 
 from leave in Paris this evening. For the past 
 three days they have been bombed and raided. 
 Most of the past three nights they have spent in 
 
212 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 cellars. But they have had a wonderful vacation 
 and are so glad to get back. We need them here 
 all right. All leaves for all ranks are now stopped 
 until further notice. I don't see Phil at all these 
 days, for he too is tres occupe. He was here a 
 minute to-day and left mother's letter of Feb. 28, 
 but I did not see him as I had dashed down town 
 in the Ford (with special duty pass) to do some 
 necessary banking and to get some Carrel tubing 
 from the British Red Cross stores. Our supply is 
 exhausted and new lots have not come through 
 and we are using it by the mile. I got some, and 
 other necessary things too. 
 
 You ought to see the way we are using up 
 supplies. But so far we seem to have enough of 
 the necessities. We have long since ceased to 
 attempt to change sheets between patients. A 
 good many patients have been in beds without 
 sheets at all, but that is a minor matter. Major 
 Fischel just gave me a guess on the number of 
 patients we have taken in or sent out to-day. I 
 said five hundred, and he replied, "nearly double 
 that." We have taken in and sent out all day 
 long, and to show the spirit of the men, Major F. 
 repeated the remark of the head Sergeant of the 
 records, who said he wished we could get in a few 
 more before midnight so that he could say it had 
 been over a thousand. It is a stupendous piece 
 of work and it all goes so smoothly. Now I must 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 213 
 
 go to bed for I am weary, but first I must see 
 about the nurses for the morning. 
 
 It is the next evening now and we are waiting 
 for the Night Supervisors to come to get the 
 evening report and to be told the arrangements 
 for the night. Things have been keeping up the 
 same way ever since last evening. Only, two of 
 our men have died and we were so glad to have 
 them die. The sister of the man with the double 
 amputation has arrived from England after such 
 a rough, cold trip. We have had a case of diph- 
 theria develop to-day among the nurses and she 
 has been sent off to the contagious hospital, where 
 Phil will probably have charge of her. She had 
 a throat yesterday and we isolated her until a 
 report from her throat-culture could be obtained. 
 Of course we are taking cultures from the " con- 
 tacts," but hope there will be no more positives. 
 Still no bad arms from the vaccinations ! 
 
 The men tell such dreadful stories and are so 
 glad to get into bed and to be made clean. Often 
 we cannot get them bathed even the least little 
 bit before they have to be taken to the operating 
 room, but we try to wash them up as soon as 
 possible. Just think of the problem of hot water 
 to bathe five or six hundred patients in a camp 
 where all the hot water has to be heated on camp 
 stoves after being drawn from about a single 
 pipe. The "walking wounded" are so pathetic. 
 
214 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 They go limping off to the tents to which they 
 have been assigned, leaning on each other and 
 helping each other all they can. A nurse told me 
 a few minutes ago that one of her incoming pa- 
 tients who walked in was a young boy who had had 
 his right arm amputated four days ago ! Another 
 one said he had had nothing to eat but cigarettes 
 and tea for four days ! Another with an amputated 
 arm was so troubled to have a sister bathe and 
 shave and shampoo him. She is a cracker jack at 
 shaving, and all the orderlies are carrying stretch- 
 ers. But oh, she was so glad to make him clean 
 and comfortable. Our dietitian, Miss Watkins, 
 is doing regular nursing work and doing it so 
 well. One of the nurses told me that before Miss 
 W. gave her first bath she said, "Now, I'll just 
 pretend that this is my brother." She takes 
 temperatures and pulses and bathes and feeds 
 but does not do dressings yet. She is so fine, 
 but says she does not ever want to go back to 
 cooking. Here are the night people, and I must 
 stop. I have been down to the camp since I 
 started to write. 
 Much, much love, 
 
 J. 
 
 April 6, 1918. 
 
 I last wrote on March 25th, and now it is nearly 
 two weeks later. Our rush has kept steadily up 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 215 
 
 until day before yesterday. Yesterday was the 
 very first day in two weeks that any nurse had 
 any time off duty. Yesterday, because of reinforce- 
 ments that arrived, we were able to send every 
 nurse off to rest for three hours. It was the most 
 extraordinary Easter anybody ever spent. For 
 two nights before we had over two hundred 
 patients sleeping on the benches on the grand 
 stands. These were "walking wounded," but 
 wounded, you will notice. On one of those days 
 we had over fifteen hundred patients. We never 
 kept any "walkers"; they were sent right on to 
 the Convalescent Camps, where they were able 
 to expand more. We dressed every case here, 
 though, before they were sent on. We certainly 
 found out not only what we can do in an emer- 
 gency, but what the British Army system can do. 
 We are constantly marveling at the efficiency, 
 speed, and lack of waste with which the English 
 manage their business. 
 
 We all physically were so hard pushed Major 
 Murphy wired for help, and just a day before this 
 lull we received a mobile Unit from the A. E. F., 
 fifteen nurses and thirty-odd enlisted men. You 
 may be sure we were glad to get them, though 
 fifteen nurses were just lost in the shuffle and 
 did not seem to make the slightest difference. 
 They all were very young, inexperienced, little 
 things from Kentucky, who had only recently 
 
216 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 landed and had not seen a patient since they 
 had been over. Some of them are only twenty- 
 one (the age limit has been lowered; it was 
 twenty-five when we left) and have only been 
 out of a training-school a very short time, 
 and had only been in very small Kentucky 
 hospitals. So it seemed a heart-breaking thing 
 to thrust them into this unbelievable hell of 
 a hospital. 
 
 Such a baptism of fire as they got that first 
 afternoon ! I tried to prepare them all I could, 
 but no words could convey anything like the 
 reality to their inexperienced minds. It was 
 pouring when they came at 12 : 30 a.m. (and me to 
 meet them here, and feed them, and find them a 
 place to sleep with a half-hour's notice of their 
 coming !) and it was pouring rain the next after- 
 noon when the Supervisor started off with the 
 little rubber-coated-and-hatted group to drop 
 one here and another there according to assign- 
 ments we had made here in the office. A little 
 later I had occasion to go down in the lines, and 
 I looked in one of the huts just to see what the 
 little new thing looked like. Just before I got to 
 the hut a little procession had come out of the 
 door. First two of our men carrying a stretcher 
 covered with a Union Jack, then a second stretcher 
 also covered by a flag, then our Supervisor walk- 
 ing behind accompanying them to the mortuary. 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 217 
 
 People along the line stood rigidly at attention 
 as they passed, and saluted. Then I went into 
 the hut. The odor that hit me as I entered was 
 terrific, for most of the cases in this hut have 
 penetrating chest wounds which drain. The little 
 nurse was standing by the stove stirring some- 
 thing in a cup on it with a spoon. She was green- 
 white and looked utterly nauseated. I did not 
 dare speak to her, for fear she would lose any 
 control she had left, so I told the weary head 
 nurse to be as gentle with the little thing as she 
 could and try to realize what she was going 
 through. f 
 
 That evening I spoke to their group for about 
 ten minutes and told them that it was not going 
 to be like this always, and about the mitigations 
 and the happy part of it all. Then I asked them if, 
 after all, this was not what they had come for, 
 and weren't they glad they were here. A most 
 sincere response made me feel that they would 
 be all right soon. Like all young things, they 
 are adjusting wonderfully and are already mak- 
 ing themselves felt, and are going about as 
 chipper and happy as monkeys. But oh, the 
 poor little dears, they will never forget that 
 first day. 
 
 The night after these fifteen arrived another 
 contingent appeared at 1 : 15 a.m. in the pouring 
 rain ! This time I had known it about three hours, 
 
218 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 but at that time of night there was very little 
 I could do to make preparation, for I simply- 
 insisted that my poor tired nurses should not be 
 disturbed. I lay on my bed part of the evening, 
 but as a nurse was sick and I had to get Major 
 Fischel for her, it was not for long. When they 
 arrived, weary and miserable, I fed them hot 
 soup, made from bouillon cubes that some kind 
 person had sent us, and gave them bread and cheese 
 and jam, and then put them to bed in the night 
 nurses' beds in their separate huts. They could 
 not even have a wash, but they said they did not 
 care, all they wanted was sleep. 
 
 These poor souls had been ordered to leave their 
 Unit that morning with a couple of hours' notice 
 only and were sent off in several different direc- 
 tions, fifteen to us here and fifteen to the Cleve- 
 land hospital up the road and somewhere else. 
 Naturally they are the homesickest, bluest group 
 of nurses you ever saw. You can just imagine 
 how we would feel if we were suddenly ordered 
 to scatter. The reason for their scattering is 
 pretty obvious to us here, but I cannot write 
 about it. These nurses are a real help, for they 
 have been in a busy British hospital as long as 
 we have and they are all experienced, well-trained 
 nurses. But how they are all hating us at present. 
 For my ways are not their Matron's ways and 
 everything about this hospital is far inferior 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 219 
 
 to theirs. I have seen their hospital and they are 
 right in lots of ways. Their former quarters were 
 far superior to ours, and of course all these last 
 comers are having only make-shift quarters. 
 We have erected three marquees for them, but 
 they are pretty dreary. They have no lights but 
 lanterns as yet, and their luggage has just come 
 and some of it has been lost, and it rains, and 
 you can see the picture. They will settle down 
 pretty soon, and my people are being as kind as 
 they can be to them and are trying not to mind 
 their grumbling. I tell them they would grumble 
 worse if the positions were reversed, or I don't 
 know anything about them. 
 
 Well, so much for the war, except that to-day 
 we have had no convoys in and are catching our 
 breaths. I cannot tell you the details of the days 
 that have passed since I last wrote. There were 
 so many deaths and so many awful cases and such 
 pitiful things going on all the time it was hard 
 to keep steady, especially as every one was much 
 over- worked. Miss Taylor and I had to stick 
 pretty tight to the office work or it would have 
 swamped us ; so we tried to keep up with ourselves 
 each day, and never left at night until we had 
 every S. I. and D. I. letter written. Of course 
 the end of the month came along just then, and 
 all the regular monthly things had to be tucked 
 in also. And of course_there was no possibility 
 
220 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 of having a clever man-stenographer for two days 
 to do my complicated British payroll, as I have 
 had before, for every available man was working 
 night and day, hence I had to squeeze that in 
 also. So a job that takes about two solid days 
 of an uninterrupted clerk's time had to be put 
 into the midst of an office where people were 
 running in and out every minute ; but it got done, 
 and I was a bit proud when I finished the thing 
 at ten o'clock that night when the first reinforce- 
 ment arrived. 
 
 We have certainly learned what we can do. 
 I don't mind for myself, but it breaks my heart 
 to see my children get hollow-eyed and white, 
 and see them one by one succumb, at least tem- 
 porarily, and have to be sent to bed. They have 
 done wonders. To-day, for instance, with 130 
 nurses here, after all they have been through, 
 I have just three in hospital; one with diph- 
 theria, one with a kind of trench fever due to 
 exhaustion, and the third, my dear, brave soul 
 who came down from the evacuated C. C. S. 
 She has just "exhaustion" for a diagnosis. She 
 was sent down without baggage or the rest of 
 the team, 48 hours after arriving. The last ten 
 hours of her trip were standing in a freight car 
 packed with refugees. She arrived here at five 
 one morning dead to the world. She had slept 
 on the floor the two nights before as much as she 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 221 
 
 could and been operating sixteen hours straight 
 before that. We were so thankful to get her back 
 safely. The men arrived safely later. Her CCS. 
 was captured. She went on duty 36 hours after 
 she arrived here apparently as good as new, but 
 she could not stand the strain and could not eat, 
 so we sent her to the Sick Sisters' Hospital for a 
 rest. In quarters I have one nurse recovering from 
 gastro-enteritis and another with a bothersome 
 knee, and all the rest are working ! Isn't that 
 doing pretty well for women? After my two 
 nights up until after two and going each morning 
 as usual for very, very busy mornings, making 
 arrangements about new nurses and seeing to 
 their records, I had a bit of an upset myself 
 and felt pretty miserable. So one afternoon I 
 went to bed at four and stayed there until the 
 next morning and have been much better since. 
 It has all been something of a strain. 
 
 Then the morning after the second night up 
 (April 4) Major Murphy brought me in my order 
 to go to Paris to be Chief Nurse of the American 
 Red Cross. It was almost too much, but I was too 
 busy to think about it, so I put it in my pocket 
 and tried to forget it. To-night I am going to tell 
 my original group. I am appointed by the Chief 
 Surgeon and am still in the Army. It is an order, 
 and there is no disputing it. When I get away, 
 I shall be glad of the opportunity it presents, 
 
222 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 but just at present I cannot seem to bear it. 
 These were just the American orders, and I must 
 wait for the British ones, which will probably 
 come through in a few days. I am "relieved from 
 further duty at No. 12 General Hospital B. E. F. 
 and will proceed to Paris, France, reporting on 
 arrival to the Chief Surgeon, Am. Red Cross in 
 France, for duty as Chief Nurse with the Ameri- 
 can Red Cross." 
 
 I saw Phil yesterday a moment and told him 
 of my order, and strangely enough he had just 
 received an order to go to Paris for duty with 
 Dr. Blake's hospital. Curious, isn't it ? But won't 
 it be nice for us both to be there? Paris is not 
 such a sweet little health resort just at present 
 as it has been. But bombs and long-distance guns 
 are nothing to me. 
 
 I guess you don't need to be told how I feel 
 about leaving my children here after all we have 
 been through together. It is quite beyond words. 
 I am just trying to steel myself to it, and to get 
 it over as fast as possible. Now it is time to go 
 and break it to them. How can I make them glad 
 to have me go ? For I must do that. 
 
 It's the next day now — a quiet, sunny Sun- 
 day. Everything went all right last night, and my 
 nurses are bricks. They weep, but they are glad 
 to have me go. I am trying to get ready to leave 
 in a few days. I am so sorry for all your uncer- 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 223 
 
 tainty about me. It was a grand mix-up. Miss 
 Taylor is to be Chief Nurse here. 
 Loads and loads of love, 
 
 Jule. 
 
 It was getting dark as I went down between 
 the A and B lines of tents. Ducking under the 
 entrance of A. 3 tent, I stopped just a moment 
 inside the door, to get used to the darkness in the 
 tent. The fourteen beds in the tent were all full 
 and I thought at first that no nurse was there. 
 Then I saw her. She was kneeling beside the 
 low cot of a lad whose whole head was bandaged. 
 The tight starch bandage covered his ears and his 
 eyes, and came down under his chin. A glance 
 at his face showed that he was not far from the 
 end. "Robert, lad, what are you trying to say?" 
 she was asking, bending over him with her arm 
 across his shoulder and her face close to his lips. 
 "Say it again, boy, so that I can hear you. Did 
 you want me to do something for you?" Slowly 
 pulling his arms out he reached up and drew her 
 head down to his and kissed her on the cheek. 
 "I think," he said, "you must be like my sister." 
 Just then she saw me. "Oh, excuse me, Matron," 
 she said as she rose, "I didn't hear you come in." 
 We walked through to the connecting tent while 
 the other thirteen men stirred and pretended to 
 wake up. 
 
224 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 A nurse stopped at the office to leave the notices 
 of two new "Dangerously 111" cases. As she 
 handed me the slip she said, "Of the sixty-four 
 new stretcher cases we got in last night, all have 
 bandaged eyes. They are the worst gassed men 
 I have ever seen. I've done nothing but irrigate 
 eyes all the morning. One man discovered that 
 he could see a little when I got his lids opened 
 and his eyes washed out, and he burst out 'Oh, 
 sister, I can see, and I am not going to be blind 
 after all, am I?' Then I realized what an agony 
 of fear there must be in the minds of those sixty- 
 four motionless men, not one of whom had even 
 whimpered — so since then I've been saying to 
 each one that he was sure to see after a while, for 
 you know if they live they nearly all do get back 
 their sight, and probably not more than those 
 two D. I.'s will die. But think what they have 
 been suffering ! " 
 
 Another nurse was giving a bath to a man who 
 had just been brought in on a stretcher, "Oh, 
 but you are the dirtiest man I ever saw," she 
 laughed at him, "absolutely the very dirtiest." 
 "Oh, sister, don't say that," he said. "How could 
 I help it? I haven't had a bath nor a change of 
 underclothes for twenty-two days." — Quick came 
 the answer, "If that's the case, I call you clean." 
 
 The orderly came up to the sister and said, 
 "May I have a piece of gauze and a bandage?" 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 225 
 
 "Surely," she said, as she handed it to him, " and 
 what do you want it for?" "For the Hun there 
 at the door who has cut his finger." Looking down 
 the hut to the door, she could see standing just 
 outside a Boche prisoner and his British guard. 
 The orderly took the dressings outside and band- 
 aged up the finger. When he came back, some 
 of the patients who had been watching said, "I 
 wish his finger were off, and why didn't you cut 
 off his head? etc." Then a man in a near-by bed, 
 whose leg was stretched out in a weighted exten- 
 sion, said, "Oh, boys, don't talk like that; we are 
 fighting the Huns up the line, but we are not 
 fighting them down here." 
 
 When he came up with the rest of the blue, 
 hospital-clothed men for final inspection before 
 being signed out for Convalescent camp, the 
 Major noticed that he had a D. S. M. ribbon on his 
 coat. "How did you get this, Jock?" the Major 
 asked, pointing to the ribbon. "Oh that, sir," 
 he said, "there were a few occurrences, sir," 
 and he went on his way. 
 
 His right leg had been amputated, his right 
 hand was badly wounded, and his left foot had a 
 hole right through it, but he was always smiling 
 and cheerful, and had a come-back for every 
 foolish thing that was said to him. One day the 
 Padre asked him how he could keep so cheerful 
 all the time when he must have so much pain. 
 
 Q 
 
226 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 "Oh," he laughed, "it's in the book, Boy Scouts 
 Manual, page 8, paragraph 3, 'Smile and keep 
 whistling.'" 
 
 Here's the copy of a telegram I got Major M. 
 to send last week. "Director General of Volun- 
 tary Offerings, Scotland House, London : Num- 
 ber Twelve General Hospital urgently needs 
 three thousand each, two, three, and four inch 
 roller bandages, thousand each abdominal, chest, 
 shoulder, hip, elbow, head triangular and T band- 
 ages. Two hundred each, elbow, arm, and leg 
 splints, two hundred sand-bags, three dozen pairs 
 crutches, five hundred limb pillows, thousand 
 pneumonia jackets, five hundred arm slings, five 
 cases each absorbent wool (in America, 'cot- 
 ton') and absorbent gauze, also unlimited gauze 
 dressings." The next day we got the message : 
 "Bulk of all articles named being shipped immedi- 
 ately." Pretty good business? We have received 
 notice of twenty bales sent from London already. 
 
 Paris, April 12, 1918. 
 
 If I don't hurry and write I shall not be able to 
 remember a single one of the really memorable 
 things that have happened to me since I last 
 wrote. I am getting new impressions so fast I 
 can hardly straighten out one from another. 
 I last wrote April 6 just after I got my orders to 
 move. On Sunday the 7th the British orders 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 227 
 
 came, and I decided that I would be ready to 
 leave Wednesday the 10th. — Just then Philip 
 was announced and I went down to see him. 
 He had just arrived in Paris. It was a curious 
 coincidence his being ordered here, too, just as 
 I was. 
 
 Sunday evening we had one of the finest sings 
 up in our mess that ever anybody had. Every 
 Major, including the two English ones, was there, 
 and all the young officers too, and the mess was 
 full, and there was much amusement, as they all 
 tried to ask for their favorite tunes at the same 
 time. We used the new Y. M. C. A. service hymn- 
 books that Aunt M. sent and they proved most 
 acceptable, and everybody seemed to find his or 
 her favorite hymn in it. I played my violin and 
 a fine player played the piano, and I can tell 
 you we made the welkin ring. It was a bit hard 
 for me, especially when some idiot asked for "God 
 be with you till we meet again." But nobody 
 could know how badly I was feeling. 
 
 Monday was very busy all day. That eve- 
 ning was our usual little family dance, which I 
 attended. The next day I finished turning things 
 over to Miss Taylor, went up to Sick Sisters' Hospi- 
 tal to say good-by to the nurses up there, and the 
 afternoon, packed. The D. D. M. S. came to say 
 good-by and the Acting Principal Matron, which 
 was nice of such busy people at such a busy time. 
 
228 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 The nurses were full of mysteries all those last 
 days and that afternoon I found in my room a 
 wonderful fitted dressing-bag, the kind my soul 
 has always longed for. It is like a small suit-case, 
 is black, and has a cloth cover and is a perfect 
 beauty. That was from my whole family. Then 
 the original 64 gave me a lovely little gold mesh- 
 purse to go on my watch chain with my other 
 dangles. That too was another thing I had been 
 hoping to have some time. 
 
 I forgot to say that on Saturday evening I had 
 talked to the 64 and told them about my going. 
 They were all splendid about it and are glad that 
 I am going to have this position which they think 
 needs me. They told me individually and collec- 
 tively how badly they felt about my going, but 
 they all think it is the right thing and there has 
 not been one murmur or horrid feeling about it. 
 They are giving me to the bigger cause freely and 
 gladly, though with truly sincere sorrow, I know. 
 So that has made things easy for me, in a way. 
 
 That last evening they all had a big reception 
 for Miss Taylor, Miss Claiborne, the new assist- 
 ant, and me. The officers sent wonderful bunches 
 of roses to all three of us. The party was a wonder. 
 After everybody was there, three Majors came 
 for us three over in my sitting-room and escorted 
 us over to the mess, where we were lined up, and 
 everybody came up and shook hands and said 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 229 
 
 nice things. After some general talk we all sang 
 songs out of the back of Aunt M.'s books, " Old 
 Oaken Bucket," "Swanee River," "Auld Lang 
 Syne," " Juanita," and the like ; then Miss Taylor 
 and I ran away and it was all over. My four dear 
 Majors gave me the most beautiful charm to 
 wear on my watch chain. It is a round, flat un- 
 polished crystal, about as big as a quarter, with 
 a^red cross in the center, made of large garnets. 
 It is a perfect beauty. Major Clopton got it at 
 Tiffany's in Paris for me, and the four of them 
 all signed the dearest note that went with it. 
 They have been such wonderful friends to me and 
 I am so horribly lonesome without them. No 
 woman leaving a job ever had such things said 
 to her as I have had, this past week. 
 
 But, oh, I need to remember them now, for if 
 ever there was a desolate soul, it is I. My prede- 
 cessor left before I arrived. Her assistant has 
 been sick and away from the office ever since I 
 have been here, and I have been simply flounder- 
 ing. Miss Morgan is a great help, but, I wish it 
 was a month from now and I knew something 
 of my job, which is huge. One can only sit tight 
 and not let oneself be discouraged. It's got to 
 come out right. Our job is, I am sure, to do our 
 job and wait patiently. 
 
 Lovingly, 
 
 Jule. 
 
230 FINDING THEMSELVES 
 
 Paris, May 17, '18. 
 
 Now to go back a bit. Last Sunday I was down 
 in Rouen ! By Friday the 19th I was so home- 
 sick and lonesome for all my children and the 
 hospital that when some of the officers blew 
 into my office and said they were going back 
 Saturday evening at five, after their meetings 
 were over, I decided I would go with them. 
 It was very easy to arrange, and oh, I was so 
 glad I went. Our train was late and we did not 
 reach the camp until about nine-thirty, but I 
 got a welcome all right ! It did me more good 
 than anything else possibly could have done, and I 
 came back renewed in courage and strength in 
 a most remarkable way, and perfectly sure if so 
 many dear people loved me so much and had 
 such confidence in me, maybe I could manage 
 this awful job after all. Sunday morning I played 
 with Ruth and talked with lots of other people. 
 That noon we had Maj. Murphy up to dinner 
 with us. Before that I went to the office and talked 
 "shop " with the "Little Matron," as my children, 
 who are now her children, lovingly call her. I 
 stayed with her in my old rooms that night and 
 we talked long into the night, much to the easing 
 of my heart and mind. She has a bed in the sit- 
 ting-room, used as a couch, which she says is 
 ready for me any time I want to use it. Later 
 I met lots of people, officers and nurses, for t^a 
 
FINDING THEMSELVES 231 
 
 in the mess. Then M. T. (Miss Taylor, the little 
 matron) and I had early supper together in her 
 sitting-room. Then Maj. Murphy said that he 
 had been planning to go up to Paris the next day, 
 and he would go a day ahead, so he came along 
 with me. We left at seven and arrived at ten. 
 Phil met me and we came home to this nice apart- 
 ment into which Phil had moved all his and my 
 things that day. I am going again to Rouen just 
 as soon as I possibly can, because I need so much 
 to see them all. They don't need me, for every- 
 thing is going wonderfully smoothly, but I need 
 to see them. We don't talk about their shop, 
 for naturally I am not doing a single thing about 
 their local business, but M. T. talks over my shop 
 with me and helps me lots. That is certainly the 
 most wonderful group of men and women it has 
 ever been my privilege to work with. The more 
 I see and hear of other groups, the more I realize 
 how exceptional ours is. And oh, how good they 
 have been to me. Most of them, I feel, will be 
 my friends forever, and a few of them will be 
 some of the most precious possessions that a 
 person could ever have. Sundays are my own, 
 and so I want to go down there often. The anni- 
 versary of our leaving [May 17th] will be my next 
 visit, I hope. 
 
 Printed in the United States of America. 
 
'T'HE following pages contain advertisements of a few 
 of the Macmillan books on kindred subjects. 
 
A War Nurses Diary 
 
 By M. E. CLARK 
 
 Illustrated, cloth, $1.25 
 
 High courage, deep sympathy without sentimentality, and an all- 
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 the salient features of this diary of a war nurse. She has been "over 
 the top " in the fullest sense ; she has faced bombardments and aerial 
 raids ; she has calmly removed her charges under fire ; she has tended 
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 "Unlike most volumes which have dealt with this subject, the 
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 "To say that 'A War Nurse's Diary' is an unusual book, the only 
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 — Chicago Evening Post. 
 
 THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 
 
"The Good Soldier"- A Selection of 
 Soldiers' Letters, 1914-1917 
 
 With Comment by N. P. DAWSON 
 
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 third year of the great conflict. He writes of famous battle- 
 fields which he visited, of distinguished people with whom he 
 conversed and of the spirit and temper of the times. 
 
 Not the least compelling section of the volume is the final 
 one, occupying nearly one hundred pages, entitled The American 
 Contribution and the Democratic Idea. 
 
 "Coming as it does at a most timely moment, it is a great 
 document. . . . Mr. Churchill has written a chapter in the 
 history of American thought, and one to be considered faith- 
 fully by all true Americans." — N. Y. Times. 
 
 THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 Publisher! 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 
 
H. G. WELLS' NEW BOOK 
 
 In the Fourth Year 
 
 By H. G. WELLS 
 
 Cloth, $1.25 
 
 "He pleads the cause of the League of Nations idea with all his 
 well-known vigor, daring, forcefulness and unconventionality. . . It is 
 as a forceful argument for the establishment of a League of Nations 
 and for seeing to it at once that such a league shall be under demo- 
 cratic control rather than under that of men of the old-style diplo- 
 matic school, and as a vigorous setting forth of the alternative, that 
 Mr. Wells' new book challenges and merits attention." 
 
 — N. Y. Times. 
 
 "... The abundant thought which Mr. Wells' genius has clari- 
 fied and presented to his readers with his usual bold lucidity. The 
 book is replete with vision and modernism, and affords a tremendous 
 amount of solid food for thought." — Philadelphia Public Ledger. 
 
 "A brilliant and suggestive volume. . . . For the popularization 
 of what is most genuinely liberal in the best general thought of his 
 time, Mr. Wells has assuredly no equal." — New Republic. 
 
 "Most stimulating perhaps of all the new books about peace." 
 
 — Boston Post. 
 
 "He represents better than any one else, perhaps, the reactions 
 of the war of the keen-thinking, broad- visioned English publicist. . . . 
 His function is to turn upon his subject the searching light of truth, 
 directed by a keen and active mind." — The Independent. 
 
 THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 
 
MASEFIELD'S AMERICAN LECTURES 
 
 The War and the Future 
 
 By JOHN MASEFIELD 
 
 Author of " Gallipoli," " The Old Front Line," etc. $1.25 
 
 This volume contains the two lectures which Mr. Masefield 
 delivered in this country in 1918. Their subject matter has 
 been widely discussed, relating as they do to the war and its 
 successful prosecution and the future of war, and there will 
 doubtless be many who will welcome the opportunity of pos- 
 sessing them in permanent form. 
 
 The Old Front Line 
 
 By JOHN MASEFIELD 
 
 "AN ETCHING OF THE BATTLE OF THE SOMME " A 
 
 $1.00 
 "What Mr. Masefield did in print for the Gallipoli campaign 
 he now does for the campaign in France. The new work meas- 
 ures up to the standard set by its companion both in vital 
 interest and in literary quality." 
 
 — Philadelphia North American. 
 
 Gallipoli 
 
 By JOHN MASEFIELD 
 
 Illustrated, $1.35 
 "A splendid tale of bravery splendidly told ... a minia- 
 ture epic." — N. Y. Post. 
 
 THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 
 
 Publishers 64-66 Fifth Avenue New York 
 
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