T. S, DENISON a COMPANY PUBUSHERS CHICAGO DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. Price ISc each. Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is Given DRAMAS, COMEDIES, ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. M, F. Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs (2Sc) 8 8 Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 15 After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ hrs (25c) 1 9 All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 4 4 All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 2^4 hrs (25c) 6 10 American Hustler, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (2Sc) 7 4 As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 254 hrs (25c) 9 7 At the End of the Rainbow, 3 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 14 Bank Cashier, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 8 4 Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 h. (25c) 9 3 Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, V/i hrs. (25c) 17 Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 7 3 Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 7 4 Burns Rebellion, 1 hr....(25c) 8 5 Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 7 4 Civil Service, 3 acts, 2^/4 hrs, (25c) 6 5 College Town, 3 acts, 2% hrs (25c) 9 8 Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs. . 7 4 Daughter of the Desert, 4 acts, 2^ hrs (25c) 6 4 Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 21/4 hrs. (25c) 5 5 Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2^/$ hrs (25c) 8 4 Dream That Came True, 3 acts,- 2^ hrs (25c) 6 13 Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 Enchanted Wood, 1^ h(35c).Optnl. Everyyouth, 3 acts, 1^ h. (25c) 7 6 Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 hrs .(25c) 4 4 Fun on the Podunk Limited, ^ IVs hrs (25c) 9 14 Heiress of Hoetown, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 8 4 Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 acts, 2_ hr^ ■ ' " ~'^' {Zn ' " rxigh School Freshman, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 12 Honor of a Cowboy, 4 acts, 2*/i hrs (25c) 13 4 Indian Days, 1 hr (SOc) 5 2 M. F. In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 6 4 Iron Hand, 4 acts, 2 hrs.. (25c) 5 4 Jayville Junction, lYz hrs. (25c) 14 17 Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 214 hrs (25c) 10 9 Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. ..... . (25c) 6 12 Laughing Cure, 2 acts, 1^ hrs. (25c) -4 5 Lexington, 4 acts, 254 h..(25c) 9 4 Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. CSc) 7 4 Lodge of Kye Tyes, 1 hr.(25c)13 Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 5 2 Mirandy's Minstrels (25c) Optn!. Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 acts, 214 hrs (25c) 4 7 New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr.... 3 6 Old Maid's Club, lYz hrs. (.25c) 2 16 Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 8 6 Old School at Hick'ry Holler, \% hrs (25c) 12 9 On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 21/2 hrs (25c) 10 4 Out in the Streets, 3 acts, 1 hr. 6 4 Parlor Matches, 2 acts, V/z hrs. (25c) 4 5 Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 4 4 Prairie Rose, 4 acts, 2y2 h.(25c) 7 4 Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2^ hrs, (25c) 10 12 -Savageland, 2 acts, 2j4 hrs. (50c) 5 5 School Ma'am, 4 acts, 1^ hrs. 6 S Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs. . 6 6 Sewing for the Heithen, 40 min. 9 Southern Cinderella, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 7 Star Bright, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 6 5 Teacher, Kin I Go Home? 2 scenes, 35 min 7 3 Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 6 4 Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2i/$ hrs (2Sc) 9 16 Tonv, the Convict, 5 acts, 21/^ hrs (25c) 7 4 Town Marshal, 4 acts, 254 hrs (25c) 6 3 Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2^ hrs. (25c) 6 18 Trip to Storyland, Wa. hrs.(25c) 17 23 Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 hrs (25c) 7 10 Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 6 4 When the Circus Came to Town, 3 acts, 2% hrs. (25c) 5 3 T.S.DENISON & COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St.. Chicago WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE A SATIRE ON SHOPPING BY SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS AUTHOR OF 'Mirandy's Minstrels" and "The Colored Suffragettes. CHICAGO T. S. DENISON & COMPANY Publishers WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE INTRODUCING LoTT A. Coyne The Proprietor Peter Hudson A Customer GussiE Shanks The Floor Walker ''Smoke''^ Johnson The CJimtffeur Bobbie A Young Hopeful RosiE Shayne ) s^i^^ Q-^i^ Sallie Brady, j Mrs. Potts In jam A Fussy Customer Mrs. Hightower A Shopper Gertrude A Bride-to-Be Dorothy Pert and Pretty JosiE. ... ~) Mabel... ' ^^^^^;^ Angie ... Flossie. . J Note : Bobbie and Dorothy may be given more to do, accord- ing to their capabilities. Or these parts may be eliminated without injury to the play's success. Scene — A Department Store, Time — Today. Place — Any City. Playing Time — About Fifty Minutes. COPYRIGHT. 1917, BY EBB^ H. NORRIS. 2 OCT 20 1917 CI.D ^48099 WALK THIS WAY. PLEASE COSTUMES AND CHARACTERS. LoTT A. Coyne — A foppish, youthful and likable Eng- lishman of the high-hat and monocle type. He is droll in speech and slightly eccentric in actions ; lately come into money and invested it in the "smart shop" and general department store business, of which his knowledge is ex- tremely limited. He wears same clothes throughout, fea- turing high-hat and monocle. Peter Hudson — A crabby old man, aged about sixty. Ruddy face, gray side whiskers and hair. Wears English walking suit, derby hat, gray silk gloves and walking stick. Is old but still has young ideas, and fond, perhaps, of the girls. GussiE Shanks — Strongly feminine in speech and ac- tions. Wears extremely tight clothing, but withal a proper and dapper young man in his own estimation. "My dear, you should see him." "Smoke^"' Johnson — A droll young darkey. He is at- tired in chauffeur's uniform, leather leggings, etc. RosiE Shayne — Typical shop girl. The kind you have seen and always will see behind a counter. With her, gum-chewing is an indoor sport and the latest face make-up and hair-dress, an art. Sallie Brady — Of the same brand, but in addition to the "crimes" mentioned in Miss Shayne's category, has added the agony of "keeping her hair on straight." Josie, Mabel, Angte and Flossie — Four stunning, beau- tiful and modish young maidens. They have no lines in play and are selected because of their beauty and their ability to wear clothes. They are demonstrators of the last gasp in feminine creations. Mrs. Potts Injam — A matron of about forty. Wears handsome gown and highly cultivated manners. Her limou- sine is at the door and she doesn't care who knows it. Mrs. Hightower — One of our newly rich, aged about thirty. She tries to be swagger and dress accordingly, and 4 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE almost succeeds. Of course you know she has just returned from abroad. Gertrude — An extremely nervous young person, but pretty and stylish and therefore easily forgiven. She is shopping for a trousseau and has "such a time." She might even have to go abroad for her outfit — one never can tell. Bobbie — About twelve years of age and has lived every minute of it. Somewhere he has a fond mama and papa, which means that he is allowed to roam at large in our store — which he does. Dorothy — A "perfect little lady" of ten or twelve. You know the kind. You observe her and then wonder "who brought her up." Wears a fetching little frock and a dim- pled smile, so perhaps you may like her after all. Note to Producers : "Walk This Way, Please," is a smart little comedy as written, and may easily be adapted to musical com- edy by the introduction of song numbers, ad lib, also by adding several more style models as a chorus. The stage setting and dressing are vastly important to make a successful production, and the possibilities for a stunning effect are unlimited with the idea conveyed in this vehicle. Your local shops may be called upon to supply you the latest modes in men's and women's apparel, for which credit on program may be given. More than four models for finale may be employed if available, but if more are used, quicker action in displaying them is suggested. The appearance of "Smoke," instead of the expected girl, is a great punch finale and should not fail to evoke gales of laughter and applause. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Scene Plot. SCENE PLOT Elevated Display Rack P latfor m Display Rack Curtains at Counter Counter i 1 i — i -^ ' Table ' ^''^"' ^ E^^t LIST OF PROPERTIES. Men's and women's wearing apparel in profusion. Style charts and mode pictures to hang on wings and back drop. Comedy hat with long feather for Coyne's business. Roll of paper money for Coyne. Shopping list for Gertrude. Cigarette and silver case for Coyne. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Scene: A section in a department store. (See scene plot.) At back of stage are racks on which are displayed gowns, skirts, coats and general apparel for women. On counters R. and L. is a line of drygoods, gloves, handker- chiefs, jewelry, toilet articles, etc. Also two or three boxes of men's shirts and fancy haberdashery. On counter L. are tzvo or three boxes of women's shoes. Table at C. is used for the display of millinery. At back C. is a raised platform, reached by tzvo or three steps, and zvith draw- curtains at front for the display of the girl models at near finale. At rise Rosie and Sallie .are discovered back of coun- ters engaged in the arranging of goods on display. They move languidly about their tasks, Rosie vigorously chewing on a wad of gum, while Sallie patises every few seconds to arrange hair-dress. Rosie (yawns and stretches in exaggerated manner). Oh, dear! Sallie. I'm not keeping you up, am I ? Rosie. Subside, my dear ; subside. (Loftily.) You may speak to me merely after I speak to you. You are not to intrude yourself upon my personality, Miss Brady. I shall soon fly far above you, socially and otherwise. Watch me jkfly, my dear. Watch me fly. (Moves arms to imitate bird \ on wing.) ^ Sallie. Well, I never saw a bird yet that didn't have to come down to roost once in a while. Rosie. Ah, my dear, he smiled at me — actually smiled at me. Sallie. Who smiled at you? Rosie. Mr. Coyne. Sallie. Mr. Coyne, our new proprietor — he smiled at you? 6 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 7 RosiE. Uh-huh ! Sallie. I don't blame him. The first time I saw you I laughed right out loud. RosiE. Aw, you're jealous; or two-faced. That's it — you're two-faced. Sallie. Say, do you suppose if I had another face I'd be wearing this one? Rosie (laughs). Cheer up; maybe you'll be invited to my wedding. Sallie. Maybe I will, but I won't have to go. Enter Gussie, R., followed by Hudson. GussiE {effeminate zvalk and voice). Walk this way, please. Hudson (testily). Say, I couldn't walk that way in a thousand years. (Suddenly discovers the girls, prepares for flirtation.) GussiE (to girls). Have you seen Mr. Coyne in this part of the store this morning? RosiE. No, sir. Sallie. It's too early for him. Hudson. Too early? Eleven o'clock too early? I'm up every morning at seven. Sallie. So is Mr. Coyne, but only when he hasn't been to bed the night before. GussiE (to Hudson). You see, sir, Mr. Coyne is not particularly fond of business. But, otherwise, he's a lovely man. RosiE. Indeed he is. Hudson. I don't care how lovely he is. I came in to purchase some merchandise. RosiE, Sallie and Gussie (in chorus). Certainly — de- lighted — charmed — Hudson (interrupting) . But I prefer a human being to wait on me. (To Sallie.) You're not a bad sort, young woman. But as for your friend there — (indicating Rosie) her extreme cruelty to a stick of gum makes her an outlaw with me, commercially and socially. Rosie (haughtily). Sir! 8 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Hudson. After witnessing your expert mastication, it's easy to understand why gum manufacturers become million- aires. {To GussiE.) As for you, I give you a fond pooh- pooh. (Lifts hat and kisses finger tips at Sallie, then exits L. RosiE gasps and Sallie laughs.) GussiE. The scoundrel ! I shall throw him out ! Sallie. Too late, my hero. He's already out. Enter from R., Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower, Bobbie and Dorothy. They come on ad lib. chatter and con- fusion. Mrs. H. (as she enters). Really, Mrs. Injam, the per- sons you come in contact with, in the shops nowadays is the height of something. You krow, I don't believe I've met you since I returned from abroad. Mrs. I. Oh, you've been abroad? I hadn't heard. I suppose you saw the Dardanelles? Mrs. H. Oh, yes ; we took dinner with them twice. Bobbie (to Mrs. H., indicating Gussie). Oh, mama, look at the funny man. Mrs. I. (reprovingly). Hush, Bobbie. That isn't a man. That's a floor walker. Dorothy (to Mrs. L). Ask him something, mother. Maybe he can talk. Gussie (haughtily ignoring the children — to Mrs. H.). Are you looking for service, madam? Mrs. H. Certainly. What do you suppose we came in here for? Mrs. I. Did you ever hear of such impertinence ! Gussie. I beg your pardon, madam. I'm not myself today. Mrs. H. We don't care who you are, today or tomor- row. Dorothy. Oh, mother, he can talk, can't he? Mrs. I. (to Gussie). If you wish to make yourself use- ful, you may go down to the door and tell James — James is my chauffeur — tell James — you'll find him in a big blue limousine, silver trimmed, most completely equipped tour- ing car ever imported — tell James to — that car cost a fabu- WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 9 lous sum, I can tell you — well, you run down and tell James, and please hurry, won't you? GussiE (bezvildered) . Yes, yes, madam; but what shall I tell him? Mrs. I. Why, I've forgotten now : but run down and tell him something — clear out ! GussiE, with hand to head, staggers dazedly off R. Bobbie and Dorothy begin to paw articles over on coun- ters. RosiE and Sallie attempt to restrain them, hut finally give up in despair. Mrs. H. {to Rosie). Young woman, I'm not certain whether I shall make a purchase today or not. But whether I do or not, you will please show me only the most expen- sive articles. Nothing but the most expensive. Under- stand ? RosiE. Yes, ma'am. But whatta you want to look at ? Mrs. H. (haughtily) . That is no affair of yours. Miss — (Gasps and Sallie smothers a laugh.) Mrs. I. (to Mrs. H.). These shop persons are becom- ing more and more intolerable every day. Mrs. H. You are quite right, my dear Mrs. Injam. Nothing like the sales persons they have abroad. Suppose we have Mr. Coyne wait on us. He's from abroad, you know. Mrs. I. Splendid ! I hear he's a delightful young man. (To Sallie.) Please summon Mr. Coyne. Sallie. He's not to be summoned. He ain't down yet. RosiE. In the meantime, ladies, you might buy some- thing from us. It wouldn't give you a headache. Mrs. H. Who said anything about buying, young woman ! Mrs. I. No, we are merely shopping. Come, Dorothy. Mrs. H. Come along, Bobbie. (Going L.) Mrs. I. (going L.). We'll have a look at some of the other sections while we wait for Mr. Coyne. (Dorothy and Bobbie reluctantly leave the mussing up of articles and follozv the zvomen. They exeunt L., chatter- ing ad lib.) 10 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Sallie (laughingly). Well, wouldn't that blow your hat in the river ! RosiE (meaningly). Thank goodness, my time here is extremely limited. (Both busy themselves in straightening articles on counters.) Sallie. I know what you mean, girlie. But you'd better sidetrack that idea of kidnapping Mr. Coyne. There ain't a chance in the world for you. RosiE (loftily). Oh, I don't know. What has been done can be done again, I guess. Sallie. No wedding bells for me, my dear. Marriage is like riding in an auto with a flat tire — you journey through life, but you bump all the way. Gussie (off R.). Walk this way, please. Sallie. Oh, he's in again ! Enter Gussie, R., follozved by Gertrude. Gertrude (to Rosie and Sallie). Good morning. I am so glad to find you disengaged. (To Gussie.) Thank you for directing me. I shan't need you any further. (Gussie smiles and exits R. Gertrude, to Sallie, confidentially.) You know, Vm going to be married — Sallie (interrupting). Are you quite sure you are? Gertrude. Why, certainly. Sallie. Well I didn't know. (With a meaning glance at RosiE.) Some folks only think they are. (Rosie grim- aces.) Gertrude. I came in today to select my trousseau. I'm — I'm so very nervous I don't know what to do. Rosie. We're showing some awful nice things for brides this season — azvful nice ! Gertrude. So I hear. I wanted mama to come, but she had a headache and I just couldn't put it ofif another day. So — by the way, is Mr. Coyne about? (Rosie and Sallie grimace.) I should so like to have him show me — I've heard so much about him, you see, that I would just love to — Sallie (interrupting, wearily). Yes, ma'am. But you'll WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 11 have to take your place in line. There's a lot of people ahead of you. RosiE (sighing). He's so popular! Gertrude. Oh, I don't mind waiting. (Produces shop- ping list.) Let me see. You know, I made a list of every- thing. Isn't it awful the things one needs? Morning ap- parel, afternoon frocks, evening gowns, hats, shoes, slip- pers, gloves, lingerie — oh, I wonder if I've spelled lingerie correctly ? Sallie. You'll find dictionaries in the book section — third floor. Gertrude. I do wish mama had come with me. This is such hard work. I believe a cup of hot chocolate would cheer me up. Yes, I know it would. I'm so awfully ner- vous. Please page me when Mr. Coyne is at leisure. Thank you. (Exits L.) Sallie (laughs). Aren't we the popular little sales girls? We nearly sold something today. RosiE. I don't blame them for waiting for him. (Rap- turously.) I'd wait all my life for him! Coyne (off^ R.). All right. I'll see you after a bit. Come along, Smoke. Sallie (to Rosie). Tell it to him, dearie. I'm going to lunch. (Exits hurriedly L. Rosie hesitates an instant, cast- ing longing eyes at R., then follozvs Sallie.) Enter Coyne, R., followed by Smoke. Coyne. My word ; what I cawn't understand — what quite overcomes me is, why you hit that beastly telegraph pole. Answer me ! Didn't you see the bally old pole ? Smoke. Yes, sah ; I seen it — after we hit it — after, sah ! Coyne. But I say, y' know, you told me you jolly well knew how to drive a car. Smoke. I does know how to drive a car, Yo' gotta admit we was goin' along jus' beautifully till we struck dat pole. Coyne. By Jove, y' know I cawn't put up with this sort of thing. First you knock over a man and then you attack that pole. Didn't you see the man, either? 12 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Smoke. Sure thing I seen him. Dat was yo' fault I hit dat man. Coyne. My fault ? My word ! No ; it was not my fault. I said to you, "Smoke, give him the right of way." Smoke. Lordy, man ! I thought yo' say, "Git him right away." Coyne. You will have to be more careful, old Smoke. I cawn't have you scratching the paint off my car bumping into every strange man you meet, y' know. Smoke. Yes, sah. I expects de reason am because I ain't tasted food fo' several days now. Coyne. Well, old top, you haven't missed anything. It's the same old taste. Smoke. Den again, it may be 'cause I ain't had no great amount of salary from yo' of late. I don't even remember like I git a tip from yo'. Coyne. Now that's a bally libel. I nevah forget to tip you, old Smoke. And my tip is ten dollars or nothing. Smoke. Yes, sah; mostly nothing. I ain't complainin', sah, but if yo' ask me I nevah even see 3^0' tip yo' hat. Coyne (as the point slozvly dawns upon him, laughs heartily and slaps Smoke on the shoulder.) Bah Jove, that's a beastly clever thing, Smoke — awfully so ! I shall try and remember that one. Now let me see — ah, yes. I nevah even see you raise your hat. {Repeats line to firmly plant it, then again laughs heartily.) Smoke {disgustedly). And dey shot men like Lincoln and McKinley. Coyne. That's a jolly pun, my word ! Smoke. Den suppose yo' hand me some jolly money — yo' knov/ I gotta live. Coyne. Yaas, but do you consider it important that you live? Smoke. Yes, sah — it is to me — Coyne. Now, Smoke, old top, permit me to inquire — I am curious to know what you did with the ten dollars I gave you yesterday. I gave you a ten dollar bill yesterday aftahnoon, did I not? WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 13 Smoke. Yes, sah, I remember now yo' did, and I done spent it all. Coyne. Ah, you acknowledge the fact, do you? Very good. Now you will please tell me how you spent ten dollars since yesterday aftahnoon. Smoke. Well, sah, I spent fo' dollahs fo' whiskey, three doUahs fo' gin and one dollah fo' cigarettes — Coyne. Yes, yes ; four for whiskey, three for gin and a dollar for cigarettes; that's nine dollars. What did you do with the other dollar? Smoke. Has you got to know dat? Coyne. Yaas, what did you do with that other dollar? Smoke. Well, if yo' must know, I reckon I spent that other dollar foolishly. Loud and excited talking is heard off R. and enter the four models, Josie, Mabel, Angie and Flossie. They are attired in charming negligee costttmes. They encircle Coyne, chattering industriously. Four Models. Oh, Mr. Coyne, Miss Gottrox is in the store — she's to buy a complete trousseau — spend thousands — just to think she should select this store, etc., etc. Coyne (finally restoring order). Now, now, my very deah young ladies, what is this bally old thing all about? No, no ; don't talk — don't disturb yourselves. I gather that some young lady with money is within our midst, and is quite willing to release it on consideration that we supply her with a few articles of wearing apparel suitable to array her for her forthcoming nuptial ceremony. (The girls pan- tomime conversation.) Smoke (aside). By golly, and he told the girls not to talk. Coyne. Very good, my very deah young ladies. We shall attempt to captivate the moneyed eyes of Miss Ger- trude Gottrox, and suffer her to depart from our establish- ment with far less money than when she entered it. I sug- gest that you disappear forthwith to the privacy of your dressing parlor and don some fetching, bewitching and ex- pensive finery calculated as best appropriate for the cere- 14 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE mony or ordeal that Miss Gottrox is shortly to undergo. Shoo! Begone! {He shoos them off R.) Smoke {aside, gazing longingly after girls). Oh, boy! Dat tall dark one I Coyne. Now, Smoke, old top, if you are not exactly satisfied with your employment here, you may seek else- where for a position. Smoke {still gazing in direction girls have gone). And dat blonde lady — oh, oh ! Coyne. Did you heah me, old Smoke? Smoke. Yes, sah, de fust time I heard yo'. I'll dare yo' to discharge me. Say, yo' been cheatin' me, boss. I didn't know yo' had dem birds cooped up in here. Oh, where have I been all of their lives ! Coyne. Now, now, Smoke, remember you are black, and they — well, you nevah can be anything in their young lives. Smoke. Yes, I knows dat, boss ; but yo' can't stop me from lookin'. I gotta a right to look, ain't I? Coyne. No, not even look. They are not for you — entirely out of your class. Smoke. Look heah, boss. If I'm ridin' on a train sec- ond class and yo' is on de same train ridin' fust class, ain't I gotta right to admire the same scenery as yo'? Coyne {produces cigarette from case and taps end thoughtfully zvhile his slow wits grasp the point). Old Smoke, I can jolly well see where you are correct. Bah Jove, that's a ripping comparison — stupendously ripping! {Searches pocket for match.) Although I feel jolly sorry that you must ride "second class" and "view the scenery" all through life — Smoke. Oh, I don't mind. There's a whole lot of fel- lows in de same coach with me. Coyne {fails to find a match.) I say, old Smoke, have you a match? (Smoke produces match. Coyne attempts to ignite it and fails.) I say, that bally match is no good. It won't light. Smoke. Dat's funny. It lit all right dis mawnin'. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 15 Coyne (throws match disgustedly). All right, old Smokie, I must stop this spoofing and attend to business. I suppose I shall have to be a blighter clerk, don't y' know, and have all sorts of vulgar persons ask me silly questions and all that sort of thing. My word ! Smoke (imitating Coyne). Yaas, my word! (Yazvns in bored manner.) Coyne. In the meantime you might look about for a garage. You should jolly well have a garage for the car at night. Smoke (retiring to R.). We don't need no garage to put dat car in at night. Coyne. And why should not my car be housed in a garage at night? Smoke. Because it's a runabout. (Exits R.) (Coyne struggles to absorb the point and fails, finally turns to millinery table, picks up a hat trimmed zvith long feather and altogether a screaming satire, dusts his cloth- ing and shoes.) Enter from L., Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower and the children. Mrs. I. (breathlessly). Mr. Coyne? (He bozvs ceremo- niously.) I am Mrs. Injam. Coyne. I am quite sure I am deeply surprised. Mrs. H. And I am Mrs. Hightower. Haven't I seen you somewhere? Coyne. It's possible, madam. I've been there quite fre- quently. Bobbie. Oh, mama, he's only got one glass eye. Papa has two. Dorothy. Ask him som.ething else, mama. He talks so funny. Mrs. I. Hush, child, you will embarrass him. (Sud- denly discovers feathered hat in Coyne's hand.) Oh, Mr. Coyne, do let me see that hat! (Takes hat, holds it up admiringlyf.) Isn't that a dear? Mrs. H. Exquisite ! So chic ! Why, it has Paris written 16 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE all over it. Just what I've hunted the shops here for. {Reaches for hat.) Mrs. I. {withdrawing it). You will excuse me, my dear Mrs. Hightower, but I discovered it first. Mrs. H. Oh, it wouldn't be at all becoming to you. You're much too old for a chic creation lilce that, you know. Mrs. I. {frigidly). Thank you. {To Coyne.) How much is this hat, Mr. Coyne? Coyne. I don't know. Mrs. I. Don't know? Is it imported? Coyne. I don't know. Mrs. H. It's a very late model, is it not? Coyne. I don't know. Mrs. I. Haven't you any brains? Coyne {absent mindedly). I don't know. {Gives his attention to the children, pantomiming a playful conver- sation.) Enter Gussie, R. Mrs. H. {appealing to Gussie). Perhaps you can give us information regarding this hat. Gussie {gigglingly) . Really, you know, you flatter me. But isn't it a hat, though? Mrs. I. Now that's what I call real information. He tells us that it is a hat. Mrs. H. {to Gussie). What's the price of it? Gussie {looking hat over for price mark). Why, really, there's no price on it. They must be giving it away. Te- hee ! Te-hee ! Enter Sallie and Rosie, L. Sallie goes back of coun- ter, R., and Rosie assumes pose for Coyne's benefit. Mrs. I. {to Coyne). Really, Mr. Coyne, this is a queer establishment. Nobody appears to know anything. Coyne. Y' know, I believe you're jolly well right. Sallie {to Mrs. Injam). Oh! Were you looking at that hat? {Comes dozvn to her.) Mrs. I. Humph ! That really is a clever girl. She saw WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 17 at a glance that I was looking at this hat. Maybe you can tell me the price. Sallie. Yes, ma'am. Forty-five dollars. Mrs. H. (gaspingly). Forty-five dollars? Mrs. I. (witheringly). How ridiculously cheap. Coyne (to Sallie). YouVe made a mistake, Miss. Forty-five is merely for the hat. The feather is extra (Mrs. Hightower gasps.) Mrs. I. Oh, that's different. I thought the young woman didn't know what she was talking about. How m.uch is the feather ? Coyne. That feather? Y' know that feather — did you ask me what it was — no, no ; of course it's a feather. We all know it's a feather, so why discuss it further? Mrs. H. Is it a 1918 model creation? Sallie. No — nineteen seventeen. (This hit is done as though they were bidders at an auction.) Gussie. Nineteen eighteen. Mrs. I. I say, nineteen seventeen. Mrs. H. Humph! Nineteen fifteen. Sallie. Nineteen seventeen — nineteen seventeen! Coyne. And sold for nineteen seventeen. (To Mrs. In JAM.) Any alterations you suggest in the bally old hat, Mrs. Injam? Mrs. I. No, I shall take it as it is. Mrs. H. No, it won't make any difference. She'll be back tomorrow to change it anyhow. Coyne. Quite right. They all do. Anything else today, ladies, before I go to lunch? Mrs. I. (produces hill and extends it to Coyne). I don't know. I'll look around. Coyne. I wish you would. I'm ashamed to take the money while you are looking at me. Mrs. I. (putting hill in purse). I've changed my mind. You may charge it. Come, children. I'll take you up to the animal section, and you may play with the cute little bear cubs. 18 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Coyne (to Gussie). Direct them, Mr. Shanks; but, mind you, don't let the children bite the baby elephant. Gussie. Walk this way, please. (Gussie, Mrs. In jam, Mrs. Hightower and the children exeunt R. zvith much chattering and confusion.) Coyne (to Rosie, and Sallie). Ah, good morning, girls. (They smile their greeting.) Y' know, bah Jove, I'm get- ting to be a regular business person — a jolly well salesman and all that sort of thing — JosiE (interrupts). Oh, Mr. Coyne. (She is partly con- cealed by curtains or raised platform, and the curtains are draped artistically about her so that only her bare neck and shoulders and a silken-clad ankle are visible.) Coyne (turning about, zviih monocle hastily raised to eye). Hey? Bah Jove — what a vision ! What a potato — er, I mean, pippin ! JosiE. I just wanted to tell you that we are preparing a demonstration for Miss Gottrox. Don't go away, will you? (Disappears from view behind curtain.) Coyne. Go away? I should jolly well think not. (To the girls, significantly.) Ah, you may go to lunch now. RosiE (haughtily) . We have been to lunch. Sallie (laughingly). But of course, if Josie — well, I know where a dollar buys the best lunch in town. Coyne (produces tzvo or three bills). You're a jolly clever feminine. Here you are — and don't hurry back. (Sallie takes money, grabs Rosie and forcibly rushes her off R., Coyne following them with a self-satisfied expres-.. sion and jaunty step.) Enter L., Gertrude and Hudson. Gertrude. I'm sure I left word to have Mr. Coyne noti- fied I wished to see him just as soon as he came in. Hudson. So did I. (Sighs and glances admiringly at her). And so you are to be married. Ah, me, would that I were to be the happy man ! Gertrude (laughs). You? Why, Mr. Hudson, you for- get the difference in our ages. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 19 Hudson. Yes, I know I may be old, but I have very- young ideas. {Sighs loudly.) I suppose it's too late now. Gertrude. Yes, quite. I am selecting my trousseau. But thus far I have been so disappointed in what I've seen. One should go abroad I really think to obtain genuine sat- isfaction. Hudson. Quite so, quite so, Miss Gottrox. I am of the healthy opinion that some women should go abroad and stay there. I know I felt that way regarding my wife. Gertrude. I am surprised. I never knew you were married. Hudson. Oh, yes ; but I don't go around bragging about it. We've been divorced five years. Gertrude. Gracious ! I do hope my affair doesn't termi- nate in a divorce court. You and your wife didn't get along well together, then? Hudson. No ; the only time we ever went out together was when our gasoline stove exploded. (Gertrude starts L.) What? Going? Gertrude. Yes, it just occurred to me that there were two or three articles on the second floor I had failed to price. (Exits L.) Hudson (staring after her in admiration) . By George, but she's a heart breaker. Enter Coyne, R. Coyne. Oh, I say, and were you asking for me, don't y' know? Hudson (whirling and facing Coyne). Yes, and it's about time. Is the buyer in? Coyne. No, the buyer's out of town, but the cellar's in the basement. (Removes coat.) Pretty hot day, isn't it? Hudson. Yes, it's hot ; but what's pretty about it. Coyne. Bah Jove, that's deucedly well put. I must re- member that, y' know. Let me see. A chap says to me, or I say to chap, "Pretty hot day, isn't it?" Then I say to the chap, or the chap retaliates by saying, "Yes, it's hot, but what's beautiful about it?" (Laughs.) 20 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Hudson. You have a remarkable sense of wit. English, are you not? Traveled much? Coyne. Jove, yes. Look at the mud on my shoes. Hudson. I suppose you are proud of being an English- man? Coyne. My word, yes. Hudson. What one thing did you English ever put over on this country? Tell me just one thing, sir. Coyne. Well, old top, we have the flag we captured at Bunker Hill. Hudson. Yes, but we have Bunker Hill. Spoofing aside, show me a shirt. Coyne. A shirt? Oh, yes, to be sure. A shirt, of course. {Goes to counter and paws over goods.) Strange. I'm jolly well positive I saw a shirt somewhere today. Perhaps I was wearing one. {Discovers box of shirts.) Ah, yes, here we are. Here we have a shirt. {Takes shirt from box, holds it up for inspection.) Beautiful shirt, isn't it? Hudson. Not bad. How much? Coyne {cons box for price mark, notes size of neckband and mistakes it for price mark). Ah, yes; here we are. Seventeen. Hudson. Seventeen? Seventeen dollars for a shirt? Outrageous, sir ! Seventeen dollars for one shirt. Coyne. My word, it does seem a fabulous sum for a shirt, doesn't it? Hudson. I won't pay it. Coyne. Bah Jove, I don't blame you. I wouldn't pay seventeen dollars for any blooming shirt I ever saw. But that's the price marked here. You can see for yourself. Seventeen. What? {Displays figures on box.) Hudson. Why, you fool, that's the size — the neckband size. Coyne. My word, so it is ; so it is. Hudson. It's my size all right. How much? Coyne. Candidly I don't know. Suppose we say one poun(J. WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 21 Hudson. You mean five dollars? Say. I can get a shirt like that at Kelly's for two-fifty. Coyne. I dare say you're right. Why don't you go to Kelly's? Hudson. Because Kelly is out of them just now. Coyne. Well, you come in here when I haven't got any and you can have one for two-fifty. Anything else I can show you today, old chap? Hudson. No ; it's getting late. I'll come in again to- morrow morning. Coyne. Quite right, old chap. Let it go till morning. Think it over tonight. Things always look different in the morning, I've heard. Personally, I don't know — I never get up till aftahnoon. (Yazvns in bored fashion.) Enter Gertrude, L. Gertrude. Mr. Coyne? Coyne. Yes, to be sure. Pardon me. (Dons coat, smiles.) Gertrude. I am Miss Gottrox. I am to be married, you know. Coyne (zvlth mock pathos). My, my, what a pity!^ And so young, too. Is there no escape for you from this im- pending calamity? Gertrude. But I do not wish to escape, sir. Hudson. By George, to marry her wouldn't be my idea of a calamity. Gertrude (to Coyne). Besides, I have fully determined that you shall assist me in the selection of my trousseau. Coyne. Oh, your trousseau — that's another matter. Um ! Just where shall we begin? (Glances helplessly ahont.) Gertrude (just as helplessly). I'm sure I haven't the least idea. I do wish mama had come with me. Hudson. Ah, have you a mother? Gertrude. Surely. Coyne. My word, of course she has a mother. The young lady here is a daughter on her mother's side. Now don't get nervous. Miss Gottrox ; you may just spend all the money you wish. I shall bear up under the strain, y' know. 22 WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE Enter Rosie ajid Sallie, R. They burst in excitedly. RosiE (to Coyne, eagerly). Everything is all ready for the trousseau display, Mr. Coyne. Sallie (to Rosie). Yes, and that's the nearest you'll ever get to one — seeing it on some other girl. Coyne (to Gertrude, placing chair for her). Be seated, please, and keep your eye on the curtained platform imme- diately in the rear — thank you — now look pleasant. We will demonstrate the different costumes with the aid of live models. Good idea — what? Gertrude (indicating Hudson). Is he — this gentleman — to remain? Hudson. Live models? I'll dare anybody to put me out. Enter Mrs. Injam, Mrs. Hightower, Gusste and the children, R. They group themselves hack of Gertrude at L. Mrs. I. (excitedly) . Oh, I just can't wait. Mrs. H. What a wonderful treat this will prove — pro- viding they carry out the Parisian idea. Hudson. If they don't I'll call for a rain check. Coyne. And now we are quite ready to begin. Hold tight, everybody ! (Orchestra breaks into a soft, pretty strain of music, Coyne claps his hands, all stage ligJits are entirely extin- guished and then a strong spotlight is throivn on platform, the ctirtains are drazmi, disclosing one of the girl models in stunning afternoon gozmi. She slozvly turns around tzvo or three times and then comes dozvn steps, zvalks gracefully about stage to music's rhythm, then exits R. Coyne de- scribes her costume in detail from the moment of her first appearance until her exit. All lights up at her exit, zvJiich is follozved by an outburst of applause from the otJiers.) Bobbie. Oh, mama, buy me that. Mrs. H. Perfectly exquisite. , Mrs. I. Ah, they didn't have such clothes as that when I was a girl, did they, Mr. Coyne? WALK THIS WAY, PLEASE 23 Coyne. Really, I cawn't say. However, I should imag- ine they had some sort of clothes or something to wear, y' know. Gertrude. You may mark down that gown for me, Mr. Coyne. Hudson. Rather expensive, if I am any judge. Imagine a man dressing a wife in a govv^i like that. Coyne. My dear chap, it isn't the original cost — it's the up-keep. (Coyne claps his hands, all lights out, to music, spotlight is thrown on curtains and a second girl is disclosed, attired in evening gown. Coyne details her costume zvhile she walks dozvn steps, about stage and exits L. The curtains have been closed and are now drazun again, shozuing the third girl in a somczvhat daring costume. She, too, indulges in the same business as the preceding models, to detail talk by Coyne, and exits R. Again the closed curtains open and the fourth girl is shown in a nifty bathing costume. Same business as other girls, but instead of exiting she goes R. and assumes effective pose. The other three models enter from L. and R. and also assume poses. Curtains are now closed and all lights up full.) Coyne. Now, before we go any further, I wish to say that if any of you are inclined to be — ah, nervous, or — well, you have likely observed that each costume shown has been a little more daring than the preceding one, so I warn you that there is time for the timid or prudish ones to leave before we proceed further. What? (There are cries of ''Go ahead!'' ''Proceed T "IV e are all with you," "Style is style,'' etc.) Hudson. Throw her into high speed. I wear shock absorbers. (Mrs. In jam suddenly grabs the cJiildren and hustles them off L., then returns to her former place. Coyne claps his hands and at the signal the curtains part, disclosing Smoke. He grins broadly and starts to imitate actions of one of the models. General consternation, to — Quick Curtain. The Spark o£ Life By HARRY L. NEWTON Price, 25 Cents Fantastic comedy in 3 acts; 4 males, 4 females. Time, 2 hours. Scenes: 1 interior, 1 exterior. Characters: Herman Heinie, a German doll maker. Bud Barlow, a college youth. Tommy Tucker, the "darling child." Willard Peck, the mysterious stranger. Clarice, Bud's sweetheart. Toots Snodgrass, the house- maid. Mrs, Heinie, the old doll maker's second wife. Dora Mee, a neighbor's daughter. SYNOPSIS Act I. — Herman Heinie, the eccentric doll maker of Happy Hollow, searching for the Spark of Life with which to put the breath of life into his Masterpiece. Toots the maid of all M^ork, who is afraid of work but knows how to extract a tip. "Ain't he just splen-did." The Mephistophelian plot which brings the doll to life. Everybody happy but not for long. The mysterious stranger "I beg your pardon." The dream comes true, but — Act IT. — In which Mrs. Heinie falls in love with the devil, and the road of true love has many twists and turns. The mysterious stranger who will not "stay put." A new recipe for Angel Food, spoiled by too many cooks. The Masterpiece disappears. Sixes and sevens. "I'll paint my face and be a real lady." Act III. — "Everybody hates everybody they shouldn't and everybody loves everybody they shouldn't." Bud, the cause of it all, as popular as an Indian with the smallpox. The deception dis- closed. Herman turns over a new leaf. "I bought a new pair of trousers yesterday and by golly I'm going to wear them from now on. The worm turns, back to the kitchen where you belong. The fifty thousand dollar legacy sacrificed for love. A triple court- ship. "All my life I've been searching for the Spark of Life and now at last I've found it — it's love, that's what it is, love." "Ain't he just splen-did." Happy School Days By JESSIE A. KELLEY Price, 25 Cents Humorous entertainment; 14 males, 11 females. Time, about iy2 hours. Scene: Easy interior. The old school entertainment has long been a prime favorite with societies, churches, etc., as a sure means of raising money. This is a new phase and breaks away from the traditional setting — the little school at the village, or at the country cross-roads. It being more cosmopolitan., depicting the humorous trials of the city principal and the teachers of the various grades. Introduces impish and fun-craving youngsters of many nationalities; their parents with ridiculous complaints and absurd ideas of our school system; janitor, school physician, truant officer, etc. More characters could be easily introduced. Drills, recitations, etc., may be added according to talent. The comic effect will be decidedly enhanced if played by prominent or elderly people. T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers 154 W. Randolph Street, CHICAGO DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS Prlc« 15 Cent* Each, Postpaid. Unless Different Price Is Given M. F. Winning Widow, 2 acts, IJ^ hrs. (25c) 2 4 Women Who Did, 1 hr...(25c) 17 Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 FARCES. COMEDIETAS, Etc. All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 April Fools, 30 min 3 Assessor, The, 10 min 3 2 Baby Show at Pineville, 20 min. 19 Billy's Chorus Girl, 25 min... 2 3 Billy's Mishap, 20 min 2" 3 Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min.. 5 Borrowing Trouble, 20 min 3 5 Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 Country Justice, 15 min 8 Cow that Kicked Chicago, 20 m. 3 2 Divided Attentions, 35 min 1 4 Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min.... 4 2 Family Strike, 20 min. 3 3 First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 For Love and Honor, 20 min.." 2 1 Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 Great Pumpkin Case, 30 min.. 1 2 Hans Von Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min. 3 2 Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 Is 'the Editor In? 20 min... 4 2 Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 Mike Donovan's Courtship, 15 m. 1 3 Mother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 Mrs. Jenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 My Wife's Relations, 1 hr.... 4 6 Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 Patsy O'Wang, 35 min 4 3 Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 Persecuted Dutchman, 30 min. 6 3 Regular Fix, 35 min 6 4 Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 Shadows, 35 min 2 2 Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 Taming a Tiger, 30 min 3 That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 Those Red Envelopes, 25 min. 4 4 Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 min. 3 6 Turn Him Out, 35 min 3 2 Two Aunts and a Photo, .20 m. 4 Two Gentlemen in a Fix, '15 m. 2 Two Ghosts in White, 20 min . . 8 Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 Uncle Dick's Mistake, 20 min.. 3 2 Wanted a (Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 Wanted a Hero, 20 min 1 1 M. F. Wide Enough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES, MON- OLOGUES, ETHIOPIAN PLAYS. Ax'in' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 Booster Club of Blackville, 25 m.lO Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 Cold Finish, 15 min 2*1 Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 Coon Creek Courtship, 15 min. 1 1 Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m.l4 Counterfeit Bills, 20 min 1 1 Darktown Fire Brigade, 25 min. 10 Doings of a Dude, 20 min.... 2 1. Dutch Cocktail, 20 min 2 For Reform, 20 min 4 Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 Glickman, the Glazier, 25 min. 1 1 Good Mornin' Judge, 35 min.. 9 2 Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 Hey, Rube! 15 min 1 Home Run, 15 min 1 1 Jumbo Jum, 30 min 4 3 Little Red School House. 20 m. 4 Love and Lather, 35 min..,.. 3 2 Marriage and After, 10 min.. 1 Memphis Mose, 25 min 5 1 Mischievous Nigger, 25 min.. 4 2 Mistaken Miss, 20 min 1 1 Mr. and Mrs. Fido, 20 min 1 1 Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 Oshkosh Next Week, 20 min . . 4 Oyster Stew, 10 min.. 2 Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 Pickles for Two, 15 min 2 Pooh Bah of Peacetown, 35 min. 2 2 Prof. Black's Funnygraph, 15 m. 6 Sham Doctor, 10 min 4 2 Si and I, 15 min 1 Special Sale, 15 min... 2 Stage Struck Darky, 10 min.. 2 1 Sunny Son of Italy, IS min.. 1 Time Table, 20 min.; 1 1 Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min.. 1 Two Jay Detectives, 15 min.. 3 Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 Uncle Jeff, 25 min 5 2 What Happened to Hannah, 15m. 1 1 A great number of Standard and Amateur Plays not found here are listed In Denlson's Catalogue T. S. DENISON & COMPANY, Pub»shers,154 W. Randolph St. . Chicago LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 018 349 448 A 4\ POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 30 cents each IN this Series are found books touching every feature in the enter- tainment field. Finely m a d e, good paper, clear print and each book has an attractive individual cov- er design. A Partial List DIALOGUES All Sorts of Dialogues. Selected, fine for older pupils. Catchy Comic Dialogues. Very clever; for young people. Children's Comic Dialogues. From six to eleven years of age. Country School Diaiogues. Brand new, original. Dialogues for District Schools. For country schools. Dialogues from Dickens. Thirteen selections. The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. Over 50,000 copies sold. From Tots to Teens. Dialogues and recitations. Humorous Homespun Dialogues. For older ones. Little People's Plays. From 7 to 13 years of age. Lively Dialogues. For all ages; mostly humorous. Merry Little Dialogues. Thirty-eight original selections. When the Lessons are Over. Dialogues, drills, plays. Wide Awake Dialogues. Original successful. SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES Choice Pieces for Little People. A child's speaker. The Comic Entertainer. Recitations, monologues, dialogues^ Dialect Readings. Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. The Favorite Speaker. Choice prose and poetry. The Friday Afternoon Speaker. For pupils of all ages. Humorous IVIonologues. Particularly for ladies. Monologues for Young Folk^. Clever, humorous, original. '• Monologues Grave and Gay. Dramatic and humorous. Scrap- Book Recitations. Choice collections, pathetic, hu- morous, descriptive, prose, poetry. 15 Nos., per No. 25c DRILLS The Best Drill Book. Very popular drills and marches. The Favorite Book of Drills. Drills that sparkle with originality. Little Playa With Drills. For children from 6 to 11 years. The Surprise Drill Book. Fresh, novel, drills and marches. SPECIALTIES The Boys' Entertainer. Monologues, dialogues, drills. Children's Party Book. Invitations, decorations, games. The Days We Celebrate. Entertainments for all the holidays. Good Things for Christmas. Recitations, dialogues, drills. Good Things for Sunday Schools. Dialogues, exercises, recitations. Good Things for Thanksgiving. A gem of a book. Good Things for Washington and Lincoln Birthdays. Little Folks' Budget. Easy pieces to speak, songs. One Hundred Entertainments. New parlor diversions, socials. Patriotic Celebrations. Great variety of material. Pictured Readings and Tableaux. Entirely original features. Pranks and Pastimes. Parlor games for children. Private Theatricals. How to put on plays. Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades, and how to prepare. Tableaux and Scenic Readings. New and novel; for all ages. Twinkling Fingers and Sway- ing Figures. For little tots. Yuletide Entertainments. A choice Christmas collection. MINSTRELS, JOKES Black American Joker. Minstrels' and end men's gags. A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. Monologues, stump speeches, etc. Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. A merry trip for fun tourists. Negro Minstrels. All about the business. The New Jolly Jester. Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. Large Illustrated Catalogue Free T.S.DENISON & COMPANY^Pubiishers,154W.Randolph St., Chicago