NEW TEMPERANCE PLAY S^15 Cents Each, — n 5 Bottle, - - • • 11 6 12 5 I Drunkard's Doom, • - ^o S ,r ,10 4 Aunt Dinah's Pledge. • '' PS 1794 . 6 3 Temperanee Doctor, - 10 i Fruits of the Wine Cup, .63 Drunkard's Warning, (c) 6 S NO. CCCXVII. .lENCH'S MINOR DRAMA CROWDING THE SEASON: A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, By E. TRUEBLOOD HABDY, A. M COUNSKLOtt AT LaW. SEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH, PUBLISHER, 122 Nassau Stbebt. BOOKS EVERY AMATEUR SHOXTLD HAVE. AJIATEUR'S GUIDE ; or, How to Get up Home Theatricf is and to Act In fhem^lth R^'es. By- Laws. Selected Scenes, Plays and other useful information for Amateur Societies. Pnce -5 CM. tiUIDE TO THE STAGE. 15 cents. ART OF ACTING. 15 cents. AnyOUng on thit cover sent by mail on receipt o/price. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. Price 1 5 Cents eaclV"~Boiind Volumes $1. 25. VOL. I. lion 2 Faiio 3 The Lady of Lyon« i Richelieu 5 The Wife 6 The Honeymoon T The School for Scandal 8 Money VOL. II, 9 The Stranger 10 Grandfather Whitehead 11 Richard III 12 Love's Sacrifice 13 The Gamester U A Cure for the Heartache 15 The Hunchback 16 Don Caesar de Bazan VOL. III. 17 The Poor Gentleman 18 Hamlet 19 Charles II 20 Venice Preserred 21 Pizarro 22 The Love Chaio 23 Othello ■U Lend me Five ShIllingg VOL. IV. 25 Virginins 26 King of the Common! 27 London Assurance 28 The Rent Day 29 Two Gentlemen ofVerona 30 The Jealous Wife 31 The Rivals 32 Perfection VOL. V. [Debts 33 A New Way to Pay Old a Look Before You Leap 35 King John 36 Vsrvous Man 37 Damon and Pythias 38 Clandestine Marriage 39 William Tell AO Day after the Wedding VOL. VI. tl Speed the Plough 42 Rompo and Juliet 43 Feudal Times U Charles the TweUth 45 The Bridal 46 The Follies of a Night 47 Iron Chest [ Fair Lady 48 Faint Heart Never Won VOL. VII. 49 Uoad to Ruin 50 Macbeth 51 Temper 52 Evadne 53 Bertram 5* The Duenna 65 Much Ado About Nothing 66 The Critio VOL. vin. 67 The Apostate 58 Twelfth Night I 69 Brutus 60 Simpson & Co 61 Merchant of Venice 62 Old Headsfe Young Hearts 63 Mountaineers [Ti&ge 64 Three Weeks after Mar- VOL. IX. 65 Love 65 As You Like It 67 The Elder Brother 63 Werner 69 Gisippus 70 Town and Country 71 King Lear 72 Blue Devils VOL. X. 73 Henry VIII 74 Married and Singlt 75 Henry IV 76 Paul Pry 77 Guy Mannerlng 78 Sweethearts and Wives 79 Serious Family 80 She Stoops to Conquer VOL. XI. 81 Julius Caesar 82 Vicar of Wakefield 83 I/Cap Year 84 The Catspaw 85 The Passing Cloud 86 Drunkard 8" Rob Roy 88 George Barnwell VOL. XII. 89 Ingomar 90 Sketches in India 91 Two Friends 92 Jane Shore 93 Corsican Brothers 94 Mind your own Business 95 Writing on the Wall 96 Heir at Law VOL. XIII. 97 Soldier's Daughter 98 Douglas 99 Marco Spada 100 Nature' s Nobleman 101 Sardanapalus 102 Civilization 103 The Robbers 104 Katharine and Petruchlo VOL. XIV. 105 Game of Love 106 Midsummer Night's 107 Ernestine [Dream 108 Rag Picker of Paris 109 Flying Dutchman 110 Hypocrite 111 Therese 112 La Tour de Nesle VOL. XV. 113 Ireland As It Is 114 Sea of Ice 115 Seven Clerks 116 Game of Life 117 Forty Thieves 118 Bryan Boroihme 119 Romance and Reality 120 UgoUno VOL. XVL 121 The Tempest 122 The Pilot 123 Carpenter of Rouen 124 King's Rival 125 Little Treasure 126 Dombey and Son 127 Parents and Guardians 128 Jewess VOL. XVII 129 Camille 130 Married Life 131 Wenlock of Wenlock 132 Rose of Ettrickvale 133 David Copperfleld 134 Aline, or the Rose of 133 Pauline [Killarney 136 Jane Eyre VOL. XVIIL 137 Night and Morning 138 .^thiop 139 Three Guardsmen 140 Tom Cringle 141 Henriette, the Forsaken 142 Eustache Baudin 143 Ernest Maltravers 144 Bold Dragoons VOL. XIX. 145 Dred, or the Dismal ^ Swamp 146 Last Days of Pompeii 147 Esmeralda 148 Peter Wilkins 149 Ben the Boatswain 150 Jonathan Bradford 151 Retribution 152 Mineral! VOL. XX. 153 French Spy 1 J4 M'ept of Wish-ton Wish 155 Evil Genius 156 Ben Bolt 157 Sailor of Franc* 158 Red Mask 159 Life of an Actress 160 Wedding Day VOL. XXI. 161 All's Fair in Love 162 Hofer 163 Self 164 Cinderella 165 Phantom 166 Franklin [Moscow 167 The Gunmaker of 168 The Love of a Prince VOL. XXII. 169 Son of the Night nORorv O'More 171 Golden Eagle 172 Rienzi 173 Broken Sword 174 Rip Van Winkle 175 Isabelle 176 Heart of Mid Lothian VOL. XXIII. 177 Actress of Padua 178 Floating Beacon 179 Bride of Lamermoor 180 Cataract of the Ganges 181 Robber of the Rhine 182 School of Reform 183 Wandering Boys 184 Mazeppa VOL. XXIV. 185 Young New York 186 The Victim? 187 Romance after Marriage 188 Brigand 189Poorof New York 190 Ambrose Gwinett 191 Raymond and Agnes 192 Gambler's Fate VOL. XXV. 193 Father and Son 194 Massaniello 195 Sixteen String Jack 196 Youthful Queen 197 Skeleton Witness 198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 199 Miller and his Men 200 Aladdin VOL. XXVI. 201 Adrienne the Actress 202 Undine 203 Jessie Brown 204 Asmodeus 205 Mormons 206 Blanche of Brandywine 207 Viola 208 Deseret Deserted VOL. XXVII. 209 Americans in Paris 210 Victorine 211 Wizard of the Wave 212 Castle Spectre 213 Horse-shoe Robinson 214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 216 Glance at New York VOL. xxvin. 217 Inconstant 218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 219 Guide to the Stage 220 Veteran 221 Miller of New Jersey '222 Dark Hour before Dawn 223 Midsum'r Night's Dream [Laura Keene's Edition :;24 Art and Artifice VOL. XXIX 225 Poor Young Man 226 Ossawattomie Brown 227 Pope of Rome 228 Oliver Twist 229 Pauvrette 230 Man in the Iron Mask 231 Knight of Arva 232 Moll Pitcher VOL. XXX. 233 Black Eyed Susan 234 Satan in Paris 235 Rosina Meadows [ess 236 West End, or Irish Heir- 237 Six Degrees of Crime 238 The Lady and the Devil 239 Avenger.or Moorof Sici- 240 Masks and Faces jly {Catalogue continued on third page of cover.) VOL. XXXI, 241 Merry Wives of Windio 242 Mary's Birthday 243 Shandy Maguire 244 Wild Oats 245 Michael Erie 246 Idiot Witness '/ 247 Willow Copse ■~ People's Lawyer VOL. XXXII. 249 The Boy Martyrs 250 Lucretia Borgia 251 Surgeon of Paris 252 Patrician's Daughter 253 Shoemaker of Toulouse 254 Momentous Question 255 Love and Loyalty 256 Robber's Wife VOL. XXXIII, 257 Dumb Girl of Genoa 258 Wreck Ashore 259 Clari 260 Rural Felicity 261 Wallace 262 Madelaine 263 The Fireman 264 Grist to the MUl VOL. XXXIV, 265 Two Loves and a Life 266 Annie Blake 267 Steward 268 Captain Kvd 269 Nick of the Woods 270 Marble Heart 271 Second Love 272 Dream at Sea VOL. XXXV. 273 Breach of Promise 274 Review 275 Lady of the Lake 276 Still Water Runs Deep 277 The Scholar 278 Helping Hands 279 Faust and Marguerite 280 Last Man VOL. XXXVI. 281 Belle's Stratagem 282 Old and Young 283 Raffaella 284 Ruth Oakley 285 British Slave 286 A Life's Ransom 287 Giralda 288 Time Tries All VOL. XXXVII, 289 Ella Rosenburg 290 Warlock of the Glen 291 Zelina 292 Beatrice Neighbor Jackwood 294 Wonder 295 Robert Emmet 296 Green Bushes VOL. XXXVIII. 297 Flowers of the Forcrt 298 A Bachelor of ArU 299 The Midnight Banquet 300 Husband of an Hour 301 Love's Labor Lost 302 Naiad Queen 303 Caprice 304 Cradle of Liberty VOL. XXXIX. 305 The Lost Ship 306 Country Squire 307 Fraud and its Viotlnui 308 Putnam 309 King and Deserter 310 La Fiammina 311 A Hard Sf.'uggle 312 Gwinnetf Vaughan VOL. XL. 313 The Love Knot [Judg* 314 Lavater, or Not a Bad) 315 The Noble Heart 3l6Corlolanus 317 The Winter's Tale 3l8Eveleen Wilson 319 Ivanhoe >0 Jonathan In England ' KO, CCCXVH. FRENCH'S MINOR DRAMA ^ < i^*-* ^ CROWDING THE SEASON: A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS. By E. TRUEBLOOD HARDY, A. M Counselor at Law. -.V OF CO,^ NEW YORK: S A INI U E L FRENCH, PUBLISHER, 122 ^f A s s A u Street. CEOWDING THE SEASON. ACT I. SCENE I. — Elegant parlor at Mr. Discount's, gas, small table, at either side of which are seated Mr. and JIrs. Discount, the former reading a newspaper, the latfer knitting. Mrs. D. knjihin^ new, my dear ? D. No ; nothing that I discover, worth reading to you, dear. Mrs. D. Why, is there nothing further about that runaway affair? D. [Turning over the paper.] Why yes, here is the continuation of the investigation in that case and quite rich I dare say. Mrs. D. It's just like you not to notice the most interesting articles in the paper ; but as you have to look so closely to the financial col- umns, you will have to be excused, I suppose. I). Yes ; and moreover, dear, if I overlook them, there is an inevi- table discovery in the glance of your scrutiny, that denies the power of escape to any spicy little item, however modestly it may hide itself in small print and on the inside, and most unreadable and inaccessi- ble part of the slieet. Nay — it is nothing to thy discredit, Avife, for you must needs watch the gossip market as closely as I do the finan- cial, and bless you, I like to hear your prattle over it, as well as ever. So, as soon as I have waded through the stock and bank accounts, I'll turn to the iniquity, you hinted at, and give you the particulars of the forty-ninth days proceedings. Mrs. D. Ah ! I thank yon, and we shall have such a delightful, cozy evening to ourselves, as soon as Carrie and the boys have left. D. They are for the play, I presume. 4 CROWDING THE SEASON. 3Irs. I). Yes ; they say that Miss Vaudeville is to play a charming new comedy this evening, and they almost persuaded me off. But as we have been out so much lately, I thought it better to enjoy a little home. I). So might you very sweetly, and I am much obliged for the decision, for we have really been dissipating too much this month. We must take a little rest too you know in the spring, preparatory to the v/atering season : do you know it is the thirty-first of ilarch? Mrs. I). Time slips apace, yet people as happy as we never realize its progress. D. No, and I trust we shall never have cause : and why should we? We have three good, obedient, clever children, spirited all, because they have never had on puritanical lacings, but clever and tractable as Morgan colts Mrs. D. Nay, I can't allow the darlings to be compared to colts : conceive a more refined simile, my dear. D. True, it may be a little rough, but they are fine steppers, and if they do not travel up to the collar in all their rational duties, then I'll explode my own pet system, and acknoAvledge the hopeless fallacy of kindness and confidence in the training of children. True that Joe is a little tough and larky at times, but he has the right heart at the bottom of it all, and will settle down as steady as a iDook keeper by and by. Hey ! by Jupiter ! what's this ! Central has gone up like a balloon — why my dear, I shall, in the course of a few days, make a good year's income, for I made a large investment in that upon the recent decline. 3Irs. D. Ah ! that is glorious ; so there'll be no doubt about Sara- toga, or Newport or the Virginia Springs ? D. There was none before : whilst well able, and you desire it we shall always take a turn at some watering place for the change of air and habits. Hah ! but what's this again ! The Pheasant Valley gold stock has burst and wilted to ashes. Well, I certainly did a rich thing on that to-day. Mrs. D. Not made a loss I hope dear. D. Not on my own account. Mrs. D. Oh ! And I hope you have not been the instrument of loss to another. D. No, but of one of the narrowest escapes that a man ever had. Mrs. D. That is a happy circumstance : may you ever be the agent of good fortune. D. I will surely never lead a man to his injury, if my poor judg- ment can prevent it. That has always been a maxim (f mine, and people saiJ I was too honest to live in Wall Street ; but I find I have dropped many of the sharpest on my way up the hill of fortune, and see no cause to repent. Mrs. D. Well what about the gold stock ? D. Why, you see, my dear, a neighbor in Wall Street, a good, honest minded fellow, but rather tough headed, a bill broker, who has by industry and economy, accumulated a pretty little fortune, CROWDING THE SEASON. 5 fell in lately with the agent of this concern, one of the rnoot pla,usible fellows in tlie city, and despite his usual extreme caution, was s) in- fatuated with his description of the scheme and apparent profits of this concern, as to he led to invest a large amount in it. Now, he was in to see me this morning, and being more than usually coramu- nicative, spoke of his investment, and luckily asked my opinion of it. I say luckily, for I do not usually volunteer my opinion,?. I vms perfectly aware of the the character of the agent, for I had witnc sed his conduct at theaters, watering places and others, where my t;o:^.d, puritan neighbor would not be seen for the world. S') I immediately advised him, that if he desired to save his money, he had better leave the stock witli me for sale on the first real offer. He did so, and the stock being quoted high in the paper and many persons looking to it for a speculation, I put a quiet notice in my window, and just before I closed I had a purchaser cash down at the market quotation. I could not urge the bargain, but merely stated that it was left for sale. The purchaser will lose enough on it to keep us richly for a year. Mrs. D. Why, dear, that would be a two year's income if it were yours. D. I could make it if I chose ; the sale is not reported, and no one at my office, knows anything of the transaction. I merely noted it in my pocket-book, and carried the check to the bank at which it was payable to secure the money to my credit. In truth I thought I would send my neighbor a note to-night informing him of it, for he lives not far hence, but now I think I will wait till he learns the decline in the morning ; for strauge to say he does not take an even- ing paper, as in his economical way he thinks one paper a day is enough. He will be astonished when I do report. Mn. D. So he will ; but did you say, husband, that you could make— could have this money, if you chose? D. Yes, certainly : to-morrow I could report the sale at a rate that would leave ten thousand dollars in my hands, and no one ever be the wiser. Mrs. D. And with that we could buy that pretty little country scat up the sound. D. That is true ; or refurnish our house from top to bottom, car- riage, horses and all. Mrs. D. That is almost, not quite— you know we have added some etceteras since we first set up housekeeping. D. But ten thousand would go a long v*ay towards it. Mrs. D. That it would ; and some gentlemen, persons of high standing and the utmost gentility, nay, moving in the very first circles, would save that money. D. So they would ; that's worth a thought — what would you advise my dear ? {Rise^. She rises and walks. Mrs. D Advise dear — why — ten thousund dollars— all in hand — and impossible to be know— it surely seems to me very queer— but — a— country seat— I have often longed for that little gem on the sound — in truth if every gravel upon it's beach were a diamond and every 6 CROWDING THE SEASON. blade of j;ra?s on its sloping lawn an emerald, I could not have coveted it more. Why my dear — sh — I'd advise— sh — [Meets his ej/e.] that you act like nature's nobleman as you always have, and pay every cent. Z>. Saving my commission — that's a glorious decision, my dear old wife : come to my arms. ['^'lei/ embrace. 3Irs. D. Not so very antiquated either. Enter Carrie, Albert and Joseph. Joseph. Why — hello! what's got into the old uns? Mrs. D. Joe, you scapegrace, I've just been checking your father for calling me old, and have you the impertinence — Carrie. No, dear mother, they shall not ; no one can grow old in such a happy, cheerful house, where all keep as busy as bees and as gay as larks. Albert. Aye ! some larks ; Joe and I — especially Joe. D. You may say that boy — Joe seems determined to have a degree in larking and you are not far behind him : I warrant you will both be graduates in less than ten years. C. They are already graduates of Yale, pa. J. Assuredly, and with the first honors on moral science. D. Oh ! I dare say, but Yale is nowhere to Bowery. J. Ah ! ha ! ha ! Bert, there's at you for running wid der machine. Why he's elected captain of number seven. 3Irs. D. Dear Bert, will you never leave those vulgar fellows? A. Why mother they would'nt let me if I wished to. They say no one ever managed an engine as I do, nor kept peace among the b'hoys. They would make me a captain whether or no. J. Captain Bowery, ha ! ha ! D. Shut up, you hurdy gurdy, you rowdy ; you had better be first brass rubber to number seven, ithau constantly dangling about that actress. J. You know I'm writing for the stage, pa. D. Well go 3'our ways, you imp, but let Bert alone : and remem- ber that your name is Joseph — Joseph Discount, do you hear. J. Ay ! Joseph at a discount or Joe Discount. I hear you father and heed you too ; inasmuch as I am a Joseph by constraint, for this Miss Vaudeville is a very Lucretia. Mrs. D. There, say no more about it, my son ; Pa knows you will get into no mischief. I hope you procured good seats. J. Yes, the best in the dress circle. \_Bcll rin.gs.'\ Ah ! there's the bell ; we had best be off, lest some one come in to detain Carrie. Enter Servant, ushering in Mr. and Mrs. Plummet, Emma Plummet and Theodore Plummet. D. [Aside to Mrs. D.] The very man of whom I spoke, but caution; not a word ; let him find out his good fortune to-morrow. Welcome friend Plummet. Mrs. D. I am very happy to see you my dear Mrs. Plummet, and CROWDING THE SEASON. 7 take it very kindly of you to come in the evening in a social way; and you Miss Emma — ah ! Carrie you must chew a little disappoint- ment about the theater ; but you will be well repaid in dear Emma's company. C. Kichly, for I love her dearly ! and would rather have her spright- ly conversation than half a dozen plays. Emma. I fear yon Hatter, dear Carrie, but I know your heart, and feel that you speak from the clear foundation of love and truth. C. In all sincerity ; for vv-e are both only daughters, and have learned to love as fisters ; come take off your bonnet and shawl and let's occupy this sofa. A. No 1 thank you sis, Miss Emma and I had a sparkling en- counter of wits, when we last met, and she decidedly worsted me, and I feel too sore to rest so badly whipped. E. Yes, his jokes are so creamy, they froth up with great ambi- tion under a whipping. T. It is most suitable as Albert suggests, and presuming that Miss Carrie will make no special objection, I would take the place offered to Emma with great pleasure. C. Do not presume that you could fill her place in my heart Mr. Presumption. T. [Aside to her.'] If the truest love and most devoted admiration could fill it, it were full long ago, for you know they are yours, though you will not respond to them. O. Be patient, perhaps I shall yet. I have not consulted Bert about you yet : he knows gentlemen better than I. T. You are diffident of appi'oaching him on the subject. Do let me speak to hfm, or — C. Sh ! — Pa' 11 hear you, and then there would be a kettle of fish. J. Well, I suppose I shall have to go to the play by myself. Mrs. D. Why might not the young folks all go? I'm sure if it is so charming a piece, they would spend the evening there as well as here : not doubting however their ability to entertain each other. J. That's the very idea ; let's all go. D. A good proposition ; then we elders can have the room and a card table to ourselves, and discuss our special topics with freedom. C. I am willing if Emma likes it. A. And I with hex approval. E. I would be charmed, but you must ask pa. J. What, ask pa? now that's a go : he'll consent I warrant, and be glad to get rid of your company. . F. On the contrary my young friend, it is against our principles. , D. What? you don't mean to say tbat you seriously object to the young people going to sec an elegant, charming comedy. It is no more than a picture of social life, as it should or might be. P. I've always regarded it as a bad place for young people. D. Do you go yourself ? r. Never, I never had the slightest taste for it. 8 CROWDING THE SEASON. D. Then might it not be better to reserve your judgment, until you have had some experience of it ? P. Tliey are very immoral, very dangerous. D. Hovv' know you that ? P. I was so taught from a boy. D. And were you never at a play ? P. But once, and then by stealth ; for my father was very rigid with us. E. And was it immoral or disagreeable ? P. No, on the contrary, very interesting, and it seemed to have a good moral. D. And were your judgment based on that adventure, of which doubtless you have heartily repented long since, you would not pro- nounce so absolutely against plays. P. That play I have always regarded as an exception. D. Be assured it is nothing of the sort. The best dramas are characterised not alone for the charm of sprightly conversation or action, but for the excel lent principles they are intended to impress in an elegant and interesting form. For my own part I never came away from a good p'ay without feeling improved and br.iced up in my principles. And now if you will permit our young friends to accompany Carrie and the boys, I will warrant them against all evil consequences. P. Oh ! dear no : how can I a deacon ? what would our minister think ? D. He'd v.'ish he could put on the face to go himself, if he knew anything about it. Mrs. P. I v^'arrant now dear, so let them go just this once, it will be such a gratiiicalion, and Mr. Discount says it is so innocent and moi'al : you know Theodore and Emma are not deacon's yet. J. Good for Mrs. Plummet, I should say not And you Theodore, you rogue you, do yoa pretend (hat you never visit the theatre? T. Very rarely, dear Joe, and then I never make a special report of it when I go home, knov\dng father's aversion to it. E. Oh ! dear, then you hive been broLher ? T. I have indeed, more than once. E. And we knew nothing of it ? T. Very true I never spoke of it. C. Surely you have not deceived them all ? T. Never ; I was never questioned, and should not have hesitated to answer if I had been. any more than I do now. But I certainly avoided broaching a subject that I knew to be very disagreeable to father. P. Saints deliver us, and have I been dreaming at such a rate? Mrs. PI. Well, my dear, it does not seem to have had any bad effects upon Theodore, nor on these excellent young friends, unless perhaps Mr. Joseph is a little wild or so. J. Oh! wicked, I confess madam with bitter penitence; a very high flier ; I can't help it. You can't stop a gale of wind with an CROWDING THE SEASON. awning ma'am. My spirits ma'am are a perfect hurricane and there is no resisting them. , , -, x c 3Irs. D. Now did any one ever have such a dear, sweet rogue ot a boy ? " His spirits are high my dear Mrs. Plummet, hut they never led him to do anything that would shame his doating mother. J. There, that's the way she contrives to take all the animation and wickedness out of me. What has a rogue to do with honor, mother? ., „ , . j- C. Hush brother, enough of that, you will spou all by pretendmg to be worse than you are. Come we will all go, and I \vill take the responsibility. J. There's a trump of a girl for you. You are a very Amazonian Alexander, sis. for cutting Gordian knots. P. Well I shall hold Miss Carrie accountable. a Oh! dear, Mr. Plummet, I'll return every package in good Mrs. P. I am sure she will, my dear, and they'll all be delighted : you know there's no fear of their getting into bad company it they are with each other. P. True, but you will remember that I protest. What will our good minister the Reverend Mr. Sanctity think when he hears of it ? Oh ! conscience I , , ^ x i J. If Mr. Plummet will go himself, I'll get the orchestra to play Old Hundred whilst the stage choir sing it. Mrs. P. Oh ! ray son ! C. Oh! brother! D. Joe, you reprobate, remember sir, where you are. J. AVcU, I beg his pardon, but it popped right through before I could shut my mouth upon it. D. It is time you had on your cloak. a We are all ready, so let's go. E. I presume ma and pa will have returned home before we can get back, so we will bid good bye to our friends, and return directly home from the play. Oh ! Carrie, I am so charmed the ice is broken : perhaps we shall be able to go often now. C. I trust so. , . , T. . T • \ Exeunt KiM^ViX, Carrie, Ekjlv, TnEODORBflnt/ Joe ; the Vh-c^mY:^ taking leave of Mr. and Mrs. Discount. Mr. Discount then arranges a lahle with cards, &c.] ^ ^. ■, Mrs. D. I never beheld such a lot of happy faces. Did you ever notice, Mrs. Plummet, how well our young people seem to interest each other? They seem in fact to take to each other naturally, like ducks to water : now we might imagine, were such a fancy to strike any of them as to fall in love with each other, that true love would display a smooth tide for once. . . , , i Mrs. P. Oh ? dear Mrs. Discount, you are surprisingly agreeable and kind. Do you know that husband and I both came to the con- clusion that you were— that is to say— might be— proud or po, and might object to an alliance between our families. 10 CROWDING THE SEASON. Mrs. D. I am proud, madam, as you are p^ain ; proud of my hus- band, proud of Carrie, of Bert, and even proud of Joe : proud of our iatcgiity, honor and family affection ; and feci congenial with others, that possess the same traits and sentiments ; hut by no means vain of our fortune or style of livinpc, which might at any time be changed by adversity. I should he equally as proud and cherish the like sentiments, if I had to wear the same calico frock from end to end of the year. F. Merciful goodness ! how Mrs. Discount does astonish me. Now Mr. Discount, 1 am as much puzzled about the cards, as V was about the play. We never have cards about our house, and I have, by the advice of the Reverend Mr. Sanctity, always discountenanced the in- dulgence in them. But if Mrs. Discount desires to play — though I shall have to learn — D. Oh ! Mrs. Plummet would enjoy a game I am sure. She and I will be partners against wife and you. 3Irs. P. Yes, my dear, just this once : you know we must play a quiet game of — what do you call it, Mr. Discount ? Oh ? a quiet game of rubber, I believe. Mrs. D. Oh ! dear no. That is not the name of the game. It is whist — we say a rubber of whist — the rub being the test game. Mrs. P. How ignorant I am. There is another game called "all fours, ' ' is there not Mr. Discount / D. Assuredly, madam, a very neat little game. P. Yes, but we need not play that to-night. It is a real gambling game, I've been told. Mrs. P. Well then we'll have a game of "whist" now, and the "all fours " at our next meeting. D. With all my heart, madam, cut for the deal. Curtain. ACT II. SCENE I. — Neat h&Iroom at Plummet's. Mks. Plummet dressed, arranglnq her hair at a mirror. Plummet in slippers, pants and dressing gown at the washstand, &c. Enter Bltty. Bettif. Here's the morning paper, sir. P. Ah ! let me have it; I must look over the stock list immedi- ately. [Takes t.\e paper and sits to read. Mrs P. My dear, would you not best finish dressing first? A few minutes can not make a great difference in your business. The bell has rung for breakfast already, and everything will get cold. P. 'Jiie space of a few minutes makes or breaks men sometimes; causes happiness or misery. Mrs. P. Yes, but whilst waiting breakfast— CEOWDINQ THE SEASON 11 P. Zaunds ! and furies ! my dear, a few hours has well nigh broken me: look! see! read! Oh! I am lost ! ruined ! broken! Mrs. P. Oil ! what can it be to move, to excite you in such a man- ner ? My de ir husband, you look wild ! P. I am near to distraction ! will you look ! read ! Mrs. P. What this item you mean / " Pheasant Valley gold stock sold at the evenin^j board at two and a half. There seems some mystery about this stock, much saught of late by shrewd speculators, that requires explanation. Doubtless this will soon be forthcoming, when the scrip will look up again." Well, dear, what of that? Gold stock is not in your line. P. Yes, but it is in my line, and I have a large amount invested in that very company, and the stock yesterday was worth twenty-live dollars a share. Stop ! might it be twenty-two and a half! No, the item is in print and the ligare.3 in the list are the same, two and a half. I can now realize, my dear, what poor Job suffered. Mrs. P. Still, I hope there will be something left. You know my dear husband, you always make a great fuss over even a little loss. P. Yes, but this is no s nail affair. I sh ill lose largely over a j'ears income. In fact, it will make a large hole in my capital. Hold ! by the bye ! Discount has that very stock in his possession, to sell for me. I happened in to his banking house yesterday, and, with- out thought, as it were asked liim his opinion of it. Mrs. P. And what did he say .'' P. He advised me instantly to leave them with him to be sold to the first real offer. Now I wonder if it is possible, he could have re- alized before the decline ? No, or he would have certainly reported to me last night, if he had not sent a memorandum of the sale before closing his business. His house has the reputation of being the most punctual and honorable in Wall Street. Mrs. P. But the street has altogether a very ugly name, my dear. Could he make anything by the affair? P. A cool ten thousand. Mrs. P. This is dreadful ! horrible ! P. Wretched ! miserable ! 3Irs. P. I can not believe he would be so dishonest. How agreea- ble he was last evening, my dear, and I am sure the children must have enjoyed themselves delightfully. Did you hear how they laughed and chatted when they came home from the theatre. They seemed as hearts without an earthly care P. Ah ! that's it now ! we sinned in allowing them to go to » theatre: and how soon a just retribution has overtaken us. Mrs. P. Not for that, I trust in mercy ! P. Call for Betty please, my dear; I'll send word of this immedi- ately to Discount. Mrs. P. Betty ! \Calls. Enter Bettt. P. Betty, is Theodore down yet? 12 CROWDING THE SEASON. Betty. No sir; I have neither seen nor heard him this morning. r. Ah ! he sleeps kite, on account of being up last night. "Well Betty, go to his room and tell him I wish to see him immediately. Mr.i. P. Never miad, my dear, I'll go myself and call him. \E:cmni Mrs. Pl. and Beti'Y. P. Was ever a man in such a scrape ? Why that Gilltuft was the sweetest talking man I ever saw; and the plans and figures he ex- hibited showed a clear profit of fifty per cent without any demands on the stockholders or expense of any sort, as plainly as Trinity Church shows the time of day. I had better have flung my money in the dock than to have contributeJ to fatten such a plausible sharper. But how is it with Discount? Perhaps he's interested, lie di 1 seem very gracious and lively last night, as if he had done something fancy. But it's impossible. If he had been in the scheme, he would naturally advise to hold, not to sell. No, his conduct was condid and honorable; and he had possession of the scrip scarcely long enough to put a notice at his door before the smash took place. This Gilltuft will have made enough money by this operation to ren- der him independent. I can fancy him now glittering in splendor, and making the tour of the v/ate ring places with all the style and luxury of a lord. Eriier Mrs. Plummet and Betty. What's the matter now ? Mrs. P. Why. my dear, neither Theodore nor Emma is at home ! They must have left the house at a very early hour this morning, and where, where can they have gone ? P. Gracious heavens ! is this true ? Mrs. P. True as the gospel, my dear; Betty is the only person that seems able to form any conjecture about them. She says, she thought she heard them say something as they were parting with the Discounts last night about a trip to Rockaway, but had no idea that there was any harm in it, nor that it would take place to-day. Belly Yes, sir, and I thought you kuew all aboutit of course: the young 1 idy and Mr. Theodore is so very particular. P. I know nothing, Betty, they have deceived me ! Oh ! horror! misery! despair I what! what shall I do ! [Bell rings.'] There's the bell, Betty, sec who it is calling at this hour. [Exit Betty. Mis. p. We must try and make the best of it, I suppose, but I can not imagine why they should wish to mnke a trip to Rockaway so e;\rly in the season, and to start too before breakfast. Perhaps there is some matrimony in it. V. What, Iheodore and his sister ! Mrs. P. Oh ! no ; but perhaps he is privy and consenting, in fact aiding an:l abetting the whole affair. You know you have always kept the dear chiklrcn at a distance like, and Emma would be likely to look to her brother for sympathy and confidence in any affair that you would hv. likely to discountenance. P. But to run away ! CROWDING THE SEASON. 13 Enter Betty. la/biisine*'^ ^^' '^^^^^^ Discount, sir, wishing to see you on particu- ■f; ^JJ ^^} ponJectured I'm sure. Shew him up here Betty ' Mrs. P. Oh ! dear no, not into the chamber ' r/; ^^""^^ ask him into the parlor and I'll be down in a moment. SatX'cL^r' "' '""■"^"" ^^^ "^ ^°^*^'^^ ^^"-'-^ Mrs. P. Why, you have not washed yet. P. Oh ! dear, I can^t wait; the occasion is too urgent ; I must be «n^'^ f"l^*''-?f^- l^^'!-' on hu cravat.-] There, nevermind the boots and coat, he will not mmd seemg me in slippers and gown. SCENE SUIFTS. SCENE II.— Parlor at ]Mr. Plummet's. Job Discount seated, hat in hand; having also a coach whip. J. I think I will make him open his eyes wider than he ever did before at this time o' day. Enter Plummet. P. Ah ! my young friend, the occasion is urgent, I know to fetch you here so socn; arc they run away? J. Unfortunately, sir. but verily. P. And what can wcdo? the unfilial girl to leave her doating father, whose pleasure it was to grant her every comfort of life that our regulations would allow; and to bring her up in the ri-id discip- Ime of strict ordinance. Oh ! delusion ! and vanity ! who is the par- ticipator of her crime ? j ^ yai iii' F.^ ^^nfoitwJiate and most unworthy fraternal relative' That bert, sir, is still and sly; not open and candid in his roguery, like fZ v?T'f • 1 7^'" TT. ^i"' y^"' Tlieodore. sir. YoS know he told >oii he had been to the theatre and other bad places o'nights without your approval or knowledge. ' P. Yes, he is the criminal abettor. rf .?,^^ ^^^^^^ • ^^'^ "^ ^^"'^^ *^^^^ ^^^c Others; for he— perhaps you didn't kno^v that part-took off sister Carrie. P^xuapb you P. Oh, horror !^ misery ! worse and worse ! a double disgrace ! Oh my dear young friend, beware ! beware of such folly ! They'll have us all in the papers sure-Bennett, that wretched vulture, and other inn!' 'TS'/'' 'P^l.'^l^^o^ "«. «^^er infiiiite columns of Heralds and buns and Stars in their most imposmg and startling grenadier type J. Aye ! I presume we must make up our minds to cut a swell in a few sensation reports; but it will soon blow over, and the news world forget us m as deep an oblivion as though we had never existed. i^. Oh I I just bethink me, my good young friend ; do you know U CKOWDING THE SEASON. whether your father, my most esteemed friend, Discount, has sold those little stocks, I left with him yesterday? J. Oh! you mean the Pheasant Valley ? were those yours? P. Yes, my young friend, are they sold ? J. How could they be? you only left them at noon, and I didn't put up the notice until one o'clock. Wc rarely get rid of a stock like that in a few days. P. Oh ! dear, but are you certain ? I really thought you might have called this m' irnhig about them. I am ruined if they are not sold. J. [Aside ] The dickens ! Why here is more than I bargained for. I am as certain of it, sir, as I could be of any transaction in our busi- ness, for usually I am the lirst to know of these sales, and myself de- liver the majority of memorandums of such sales to the owners. My fatUer s.iid nothing about the Pheasant Valley before leaving the ofilce, nor has he since; and it is simply impossible that they can have been sold. Moreover he would have mentioned it to you last night, if not to me. But what's out about it ? jP. Ah ! have you not seen the paper this morning ? J. No, really; Father had it, anw and then a good horse to embellish his stable with some semblance of quality and blood. P. And it is half a mile to the next stables at least: what shall I do? J. Well I could accomodate you myself, if the company would be no objection. P. How my friend ? Angels preserve you ! J. Why, you know, I always keep a fast horse, and back-biters say other fast creatures too. Now Blood Morgan can take the i>;xradc out of anything that kicks iron, and is so gentle that a girl can drive him. If you but saw him of an afternoon jiuss over the Blooming- dale road, you'd thinly it was a thunderbolt; yet if you say whoa I however gently, it sto])s him like the brakes on an express train. P. I am ratiicr skittish t)f fast horses it is {rnc, but I must try him pcrforci;. (Jive me a little instruction my young kind friend in the management of this noble Morgan steed. CROWDING THE SEASON. 15 J. Oh ! it's as easy as sniokius; a segar. He will stand like a statue of varnished mahogany until you are seated, get the reins in your hand and speak to him. P. Ay ! speak to him ; and what would I say, Mr. Joseph ? J. Why just say ''Blood Morgan" or "Morgan" in a spirited en- couraging sort of a tone, or cluck thus, or whistle through your teeth thus, and draw the reins hack a little smartly so; and you will see his ears Hying back, quiok, so, and immediately forward again, and feel a jerk as if the world was slipping from under you, hut the reins will save you from tumbling out. Then the houses, windows and signs will all go into ribbons, and you will have a sensation as if the wheels had lost their spokes and the rims were foolishly playing around the hubs without any support. You'll have nothing to do then but to lay back and guide him. See that you cut through the by- streets, for Broadway or any of the principal avenues would be dan- gerous. Should you meet obstructions, however, just say "Morgan" again in a gentle expostulating manner, and slacken the reins; and he will qualify his gait into a gentle, nervous little trot at once and take you through safely, and will not wait to be admonished again when the coast is clear. When you get out on the road just lie back on the reins with all your might, as if you were trying to hold a bull team, and see that you don't pitch into anybody; for if you do, I needn't remind you that there'll be a smash. So shall he carrry you down to Rockaway in an hour and a half by Trinity. P. But if I am to pull so hard to make this noble Blood Morgan go ; how hard, in the name of heaven, will I have to pull to make him stop ? J. Why that is a joke ; you must not pull at all. P. How then, my friend ? J. Whenever you wish him to stop, just speak out whoa ! so that he can cleverly hear you, and slack up your reins altogether. P. Why that is wonderful. Where I was raised down in Connec- ticut, w^e always slacked up the reins and chirked up the horse to make him go ; and pulled hard upon him and bawled out whoa ! half a dozen times to stop him. J. Oh! coldblooded, plough stock, Blood requires a different style; aye! and always did: for, do you know the recital of that story about Phseton, and what a devil of a runaway and smash up he had with his father old Phoebus' s team? P. Somethina: perhaps I do faintly remember of such a story told in Ovid or Virgil or some of those tough old poets. /. Yes, it is in Ovid, and do you know I have often thought the horses ran away wdth him simply because he forgot his father's direc- tions to slacken the reins w^hen he wanted them to stop. Instead of which he pulled back on them as hard as he could. YV'hat youth do you suppose could stop such a blooded teim in that way, with spirits as rash a3 the flash of the sun reflected from a wobbling piece of mirror ? P. True, very true ; I think I see the simile. 16 CROWDING THE SEASON. J. Then ho heedful of the precedent, for no horse is incoriiptible. But after all, no special caution will be neces.'^ary, for your companion will instruct you or drive you either ; if you will have no objection. 1\ Oh ! !:ir, don't name it ; I couldn't possibly have an objection in such a case. J . Perha[>s not to the driving, but to the person. P. Oh ! impossible ! on snch an occasion I would go with a thief, a pick -pocket, a jail-bird, with an ordinary sized highwayman, if he had no v>'eapons with him. J. But this is a thief, a pick-bosom, a jewel-bird and a highway- man of no ordinary character, and goes always fully armed. Nay, Bhe is worse than all put together, she is an actress. L\ An actress !! Oh ! horror !!! I ride with an actress ! and right in the public streets too ! ctiis is too bad ! What ! what ! what would Mr. Sanctity say, if he should see it ? And the way leads right by his house too. J. Aye ! and an excursion to Eockaway too ! But it must be done, for I promised last night to drive her down to see her sister, who lives within a mile of Rcckaway on the very first opportunity, and as the opportunity offered this morning to follow the governor in his pursuit after Carrie, I sent her word to meet me here in half an hour, which she vvill be punctual to do. /-'. Oh ! heavens ! was ever a poor forlorn creature in such a strait ! almost broken in fortune, my daughter eloped with a young man, and my son with a young lady ; and I, in this distraction, to have to pur- sue them in company with a stage player ! Oh ! my dear young friend, she'll, she'll, she'll — J. She will that I can tell you, and savage enough at that. Why if she turns upon you those burning, searciiing eyes of hers, and you let tbem get fastened in yours for about two seconds, if you have any heart in you she'll drag it out. F. Oh, if that were all, I could escape any such calamity by turn- ing the other way. J. That is all, and easily avoided as you say. I was not so fortu- nate however. Ah ! here she is. Betty xislien in MiS3 Vaudeville. P. {Aside.'] What a splendid creature ! And I to manage her and Blood Morgan both, going along a crowded turnpike at a two twenty pace, and only two hands to do it with, oh, Mr. Sanctity, what com- pany your deacon has got into ! Ah, good morning, m.idam, I trust you will excuse my apparel. My young friend informs me that you were going to accompany him on a little elopement. Miss V. A what, sir / Good heavens ! P. No miss, that is to say — J. Was about to take her down to see her sister near Rockaway. Miss V. You have a very loose tongue, Mr. Discount, which state- ment am I to take ? J. Whichever you like best. CROWDING THE SEASON. 17 Miss V. It is truo I have a sister living near Rockaway sir, and he has been luider i:)romisc for several weeks to take mc down there in his wagon as he terms it, v.ith his wing footed Blood Morgan, but until within a day or so, the weather v.-ould not admit of the trial. P. But you have driven Blood Morgan he says, and are competent to manage him. 31iss V. I see; he does give me the reins occasionally, when we arc riding in the Park ; but why ? F. Why my good young friend has proposed that I should accom-^ pany you to Rockaway instead of himself: that is, I should say, I have to go down there on an errand of mercy ; or rather I should say — J. That is, he should say, his daughter, Misr. Emma, v/hom you eaw last night, has run away with Bert, as y\x11 as Sis Carrie with his son Theodore, and he wishes to reach Rockaway, where it is said they have all gone, at the earliest moment. So I proposed that he should take Blood Morgan and drive you down in my place ; and as he expressed some doubts of his capability to manage that Pegasus, I told him that if he could not drive you, you would drive him. Miss V. Well, supposing us safely over the ferry, I think I could manage very well ; for he certainly is as gentle as a dog, though an awful goer, like his wicked, and much more unmanageable master. [Bell ; Exit Betty. J. Well, there he is now, so get off as noon as possible, and I hope you may overtake the runav\'ays on the road and upset all their plans. I trust you to Providence : you are better than a sparrow, you know. J/iss- F. But who ever heard of a Providence f jr actres-^es ? P. So I'll just return to my chamber finish my toilet, and be with you in a minute. [Exit. Miss V. And I will step to the door and have a look at Morgan. [Ex:it. J. There will be a cozy pair, as ever graced a skeleton vragon, with scarcely more than room for one in it. Why he will go through all the fires of an anchorite, dreaming the temptations of a Mahomedan paradise, with all the remorse of Gethseraane, and if he dares to look towards her, his face will paint all the hues from burning scarlet, to a mellow cadaverous, quicker than a prism. Enter JIr. and Mrs. Plummet. Mrs. P. There, my dear, I hope you will be very comfortable. P. Oh ! I shall. I am sure. Good bj'-e, my dear, there, you need not come to the door. 3Irs. P. Good bye, dear, and may you bring our poor deluded wan- derers back safe and un contaminated. [T/icj/ embrace. Exit Plummet. Mrs. P. I trust he will be successful in his mission. Oh ! what a deplorable event, my good young friend. He tcdls mc that your un- fortunate sister has gone oif to the sxme place with our Theodore. Now that would not be so bad an affair, were it not for the clandes- tine manner. I am sure I should have offered no objection to an open marriage between them 18 CROWDING THE SEASON. J. Nor, as to that matter, not much to the other match, I pre- sume. Mrs. P. I do not know that Emma could do better, if Mr. Albert were only steady. J. But'to elope! to run off before daylight, as wild as a pic-nic party of brazen faced Auroras. iVr?. P. Yes, they are roarers, to cut up such antics, after being brought up to such propriety and particularity of deportment. Why, I thought 'I'heodore would scarcely glance at a young lady seriously, and as for Emma, she was as meek as a nun. But is it so swift a horse that you have lent to Mr. Plummet ? J. Aye ! madam, swift as a locomotive broke loose from a train. Mrs. P. Oh ! gracious ! and will he be safe, do you think ? J. Safe, ^ladam ! as an oxteam with a load of hay, or an omnibus without an inch of standing room in it. Mrs. P. And U the driver so skillful ? J. The driver ! What ma'am ? the driver did you say ? Mn. P. Assuredly, the person, that is to accompany him. Mr. Plummet told me that you gave him every assurance that his com- panion was an excellent driver, and could manage your horse almost as well as yourself. J. And do you really not know who his companion, or driver, as you call her, is ? Mrs. P. What! her! she! and has Plummet gone off with a what did you say ? she a woman ! and that woman not his wife ? oh ! heavens ! what a world ! J. It is most certain, madam, that he is to drive a lady down to Piockaway; it was his only recourse. You see he had to take my place, or lose much time; and I was under promise to take her down to see her sister, who lives near Rockaway. Mrs. P. Oh ! that i^ not quite so bad. Oh ! Mr. Discount I was dreadfully shocked , my nerves are so sensitive on such an occasion. And who U this lady ? J. Only Miss Vaudeville. Mrs. P. What ! Miss who ? J. Miss Vaudeville ; Kate Vaudeville. Mrs. P. What ! the actress ! the notorious creature, that has her name posted all over the city ! a publican ! a sinner! [She screams: J. A public character, it is true, Madam, but not a sinner, I can warrant. Mrs. P. A stage player ! they are all sinners. [ Screams and falls into his arms. J. Oh ! dear Madam, you fiiint, you are weak. Mrs. P. Oh ! yes, my good young friend, dreadfully, helplessly weak ! Oh ! help me ! tell me what we shall do ! J. Oh ! I\Iadam ! I would do anything to soothe, to comfort you; but I fear, I am the sinner ; it was I that proposed ; but if you really feel so serious about it — Mrs. P. How? trust him with such a creature ? a meteor! a con- suming fire ! it is like flax and flame. Shell bewitch, she'll fascinate him ! then what will become of poor me ? abandoned and desolate ! CEOT^T)IXG THE SEASON. 19 and tie not to tell me who it was, the sneak ! I should be sers-ing him right to take my revenge of him. /. That will not be necessary, Madam, for I can warrant his inno- cent sobriety, so far as relates to Miss Vandeville, not doubting her ability to bewitch or fascinate any man, after having performed that operadoa on me quicker than it U.ok you to recover from your faint. He will have to be smarter, handsomer, and altogether more engag- ing than I, if he gains the slightest v/liimper of acknowledgement from her. beyond a sigh or two to set him all afire with hopes, never to l3e realized. But it is easy for you to knov\- all their proceedings at Eockaway, for I can procure from a friend in the course of half an hour, a horse and wagon almost, though not quite as fast as Blood Morgan. Mrs. P. Oh ! relief! Oh ! my dear young friend ! you are so good, so clever. I shall be forever indebted to you. Let us follow them at once. J. Certainly, Madam, I shall be glad to accommodate you. I am sure you will feel so imeasy until you see them ; until you recover your husband, and restore me to Kate Vaudeville. Mn. P. Oh ! don t, don't speak of her, my dear, good, kind yonng friend. Now you go down for the horse and wagon, and I will retire to make preparations for the journey. 1 vdll bring back the poor, de- luded wanderer from the path of propriety myself : and wont I make PJummefs ears buzz for this .' Why couldn t he have taken me, and let you, Mr. Joseph follow afterwards with this creature, this actress? ACT III SCE^^nT^ I. — The Ryclcaicau Hotel. Lvxdloiid, Misses Carrie Discotrsr and Emma Plummet, Albert Discouxi and Theodore I'lummet. Lawl. I'm sure you are all very welcome to Eockaway and the best I can do for you. though you really are crowding the season upon me. We rarely have many visitors, you know, before June. You will have all the rooms however to yourselves, and the best dinner I can get up. A. Oh I we shall be satisfied, I warrant you, and about the season, there is a sort of a joke in that matter, which we shall let you into before we leave. Now, wo aid you be good enough to send your cook to me : this pic-ni^, so we call it, is intended to be of a special character, ha%ing reference to a time honored, a highly venerated in- stitution ; and the requirements of the occasion enforce on me the necessity of ordering certain dishes, compounded in a very peculiar style. Land. Oh ! ah ! Jews perhaps ? A. Nay, no, neither He-brews, nor the feminine thereof. It is a secret, which you can only know, when we get ready to let the cat jump. Send me the cook. [Exit Landlord. C. Oh ! 1 am sure we shall have such a delightful day. It is more 20 CROWDING THE SEASON. like summer thsn sprin.'^ ; and was not the air soft as wc drove along the.ro id ? The birds seemed to appreciate it with all their hearts, for ithey sang, as though they would split their merry, loving little throat'^. F. Yes, and everything was balmy and fresh with sprouting ver- dure. How lovely the country is in spring ! , A. Well, we are in for a jolly day, and if we do not enjoy it, you shall not hav^e to blame your conductor. I wonder how long it will be before father comes steaming and fuming along ! Oh ! how angry he wi;l be, until he gets in sight of our smiling physiognomies. We shall have ample time to pacify all the elders as they come along, and then i)artake of a sumptuous repast and a glorious dance, before time shall call us back. T. Oh ! plenty, an 1 get home in good time for the play. A. So you'll go again you think? T. Well I guess so, and often whilst Miss Vaudeville is playing. A She is really a very c'.iarming player, and apparently as intelli- gent and polished off the stage, as she is accomplished on it. Joe is awfully gone with her. T. And no one of good taste could blame him much. I dare say she has many suitors. A. Aye ! a train of them ; but she seems to care for none but Joe ; because, she says, Joe is sincere and a gentleman, and knows how to conduct himself to a lady if she is an actress. T. Well, there's something in that. C. Yes, I warrant, a vast deal : for the mere matter of choosing a profession, that requires her to face an audience every night, should not change her feminine nature or delicate demeanor, any more than it Avoald change a man's. E. You are perfectly right, dear Carrie, and though I know less of these matters than you, 1 can feel that a lady can preserve her mod- esty and refinement in any position, connected with a legitimate pro- fession. I am sure, I coul 1, and I saw nothing done last night, that I could not have done, without losing a shade of those nice sensibili- ties, by which every lady professes to be troverned. C. And yet Kate was witty, jocose and spiightling as the merriest imagination could demand. Fnter LAiroLORD and Cook. A. Ah ! stip here a moment, I would have a private conference with you. Can you keep a secret ? Look. {Holding out his hand slibj.'] Tliat depends if it's specie. A. Well look at this. [flandinfj him a gold piece. Cook. Oh ! yes sir, 1 can keep that, until I spend it ; and anything (hat backs it. A. Ah ! well, I sec yoii arc all right ; now take this slip of direc- ti ms, read it carefully, then put it in your kitchen lire, and prepare your dinner accordingly. Cook. I'll do it brown sir, and to a turn. [Exit. Land. A very trustworthy man ; and as you seem to desire some- CROWDING THE SEASON. 21 thing special for dinner, I will let you have your own way about it, if the materials can be procured. A. So shall we have a jolly time. Land. But who is this, driving this way now? Why he looks like an oldish, middle aged s^ort of a well to do gentleman, and a lady, perhaps his wife : he'll call her so, I warrant. I wonder if he's on a pic-nic too. I must step down and welcome him. [Exit. A. Oh ! it's father and mother : brush up your most penitent and imploring countenances until I smile aloud. Here kneel, all in a line, bow your heads and set your eye pumps agoing. Here they are. Enter Landlord, Mr. a7id Mrs. Discount. ]ifrs. D. Where are they ! C. Here, dear mother. D. You villains and scapegraces to frighten and torment your old f.ithcr and mother so ! How dare you to run oflf in this way ? A. We confess, you have caught us in the very act ; but do be merciful, charitable, lenient in judgment— ha ! ha ! [^4// 77'^vj, lawjlx and emhrace the elders. D. Why you miserable scamp, wdio could have imagined, you would undertake to play so iniquitous and trilling a joke on your old father ! and — Mrs. D. There my dear, you must forgive hiin ; you know it is a rare thi;ig for Bert to be engaged in practical jokes : bnt you. Miss Carrie, I thought would have l)een above lending yourself to such an affair. Consider into \\o\y undignified a position you place yourself, and your doating mother too. C. Now pa, don't let her scol I ine much. It was this Mr. Theodore and Joe, and, and Berl, and all of us -persuaded each other off on a grand pic-nic ; and Joe said he'd contrive it so as to fetch the old people too ; but I had no idea he'd be so cruel as to lead you to sup- pose that we had run away. What an idea ! And what a scamp to deceive you all so ! D. Then Joe is at the bottom of it ? 3Irs. D. Oh! it's Joe is it? All. Oh ! it's Joe ! Only Joe ! D. Then I suppose he will be posting down here himself pretty soon ? Mrs. D. Perhaps with that Miss Vaudeville to help him laugh at us, the v.icked boy ! C. Oh ! no, she would not laugh at anything, that would hurt your feelings, or cause you the least mortification ; and as for Joe, he'd trick her if he could, to make a laugh, E. AVhat a bright hearted, brilliant young gentleman he is. A. Yes, but steady as a ferry boat at his business, and quick too. Why it would do you good to see Joe run over a string of notes and scrips, sort them all and make the calculations, entries and notices for each : or tell out money over a bank counter. T. And he's full of genuine charity. A. What ! Joe charitable ! now that's good ! T. It is true nevertheless as you may know. 22 CROWDING THE SEASON. A. Well, I have known him tip a mudsweep a quarter or such a matter and laugh at it ; but I never saw a fellow so down as he was on a pair of Feejee and Dahomey missionaries about ji month ago. He was as angry as a bull and used such language, that I was posi- tively ashamed of my brother for once. a & E. Oh ! dear ! oh ! dear ! C. But what do you know, Mr. Theodore ? T. 1 know for one thing, that I am deeply indebted to him for con- triving this delightful holiday, which would have been nougbt with- out your society. But I was passing along Water street one day and saw Joe pick up a poor, ragged, miserable looking girl, that for some cause was in a contest with a lot of villainous boys. They were act- ually chunking her with stones and bits of wood and dirt, and it was in returning their fire, that she slipped, for she was barefooted, and fell upon the. pavement. What are you about, says I, Joe? Let her alone ; you had better. Not yet, says Joe : and he sat her do^vn, on a door sill, walked up to one of the boys and boxed him flat then took another the plumbest kick I ever saw, and then foamed around like a caged bear, because the others got out of his way before he could finish with them. 61 Why that was right. K It was elegant — so he gave the girl a pair of shoes of course. T. Yes, and a frock too, for she was positively more than half. — a Oh! dear! F. Oh! brother! ■Mrs. D. Oh ! xMr. Plummet ! T. Half denuded, was all, I was going to say, ladies ; I was com- pelled to express it in some way or stop the narrative. AIL Oh ! go on ! go on ! 2". Well, Joe didn't take her to a Broadway gaiter store, nor a fashionable milliner's to fit her out. Who can be the possessor of such misery ? was his first exclamation after cooling down to a talking point. C. And what did she say. T Say, why she burst into tears and seemed for about two minutes as if she would cry her life out. />. Aye ! a very natural revulsion of feeling, after being so indig- nantly angry as she must have been. F. Oh ! heavens ! pelted by a lot of rude boys ! C. So she said nothing. T. Says Joe— well then trot along home, and I'll go with you and find out for myself. It is needless to go into minute particulars, but he discovered that she was a poor waif, living only for a sort of pro- tection, with some of the lowest of the low. D. And never said a word to me about this ! and what did he do, then? T. He was dreadfully puzdcd. as he informed me, for I did not ac- company him ; for, said he, "If I had attempted to befriend her there, she would have been n)ade the instrument of drawing money from me for others ; so I concluded to get Ponder, the drayman, whom I knew to be an upright man, to find some good, needy woman, who CROWDING TEE SEASON. 23 would take care of her, whilst she could attend school and learn to read and write. ' ' She proved very tractable and grateful, is improving rapidly, and by the assistance of the good woman, whom she calls mother, and who treats her like her own children, is beginning to do much towards her own support, "Which," says Joe, "is the sole end and object of the movement." Mrs. D. Ah ! what a glorious, good boy ; and we to want to scold him so for bringing us out on a delightful pic-nic this elegant spring day. I feel more like thanking liim. Enter L.^ndlord. L. Why ladies and gentlemen, here's another pic-nic party coming down the road like a lightning express. If you would like to see a fast team just step this way. If it isn't Bonner, it must be Hiram Woodruff, But no, it doesn't look like a sporting concern. Why bless ray stars ! it's another elderly gent ; and, though she's dressed very plainly, I know it's Kate Vaudeville with him. C. Why do you know her, Mr. Landlord ? L. Well I should think I do : she v,as brought up within a mile of this, and has a sister living on the old place now ; one of the very best ladies in this neighborhood, or any other. But besides, haven't 1 seen her playing often enough in York ? Bless my soul, and ain't she a smasher too ? why we know Kate hereabouts as well as we know our Newfoundland dog. Mrs. D It must be Joe with her, I am sure. L. Well if Joe is an elderly, starchy, sober-sided, straight faced looking gentleman, then it's Joe, she's drivmg, for on my soul, she has the reins ; and as fine a piece of horseflesh as ever smoked of a frosty morning. Mrs. D. Joe is not like that ; but it must be he ; be has disguised himself in that antiquated style for some nonsense or humbug. Yes, it's his horse — ah ! here they come. C. It must be he, for he would not lend Blood Morgan to any one. A, Yes, I should think it must be Joe, if it is his horse and Miss Vaudeville, for the three are inseparable in the driving business. T. Oh ! I presume there is no doubt about it. E. They are quite devoted. Enter Plummet with Miss Vaudeville on his arm. Mrs. D. Oh ! la ! it is not Joe after all, but Mr. Plummet. Gra- cious mercy ! how came he to be driving down here at such a furious rate with Miss Vaudeville ? AIL Oh! it's Mr. Plummet! Goody dear! &c— P. Her'^ landlord ! 4 L. Here Sir ; I was about to wait on you at the stoop, but you W were too nimble for me. I hope vou will excuse me, sir. And how^ are you Miss Kate ? Miss F. Oh ! in fine spirits, my old friend, and I hope you are the same. P. What I do my eyes deceive me ! why to be sure it is Mr. Dis- count and Mrs. Discount, and all the reprobates. Weil did you get down in time to prevent mischief? 24 CROWDING THE SEASON. D. Yes, it seems it was all a joke of the young people : and though it is taking great liberties withtheir elders, we will try and make the best of it, and spend a cheerful holiday. p. So we must, so we must, I presume ; but I was terribly angry. Mrs. D. And where is Joseph ? and where is Mrs. Plummet ? Mm V. You see, Madam, your son had made an engagement to bring me down here a month ago, and thinking the occasion fitting, sent me word this morning, intending that we should follow you : But Mr. Plummet was so desperately afraid that tliey would all be mar- ried before he could get here to give his sanction to it, that Mr. Joe gave him up his buggy and so here we are. Mrs. D. And Avill he not come down here himself ? after sending us all down here on this wild goose chase ? that would be rather too much of a joke. Miss V. So it would, and I warrant you he'll be here before many hours : for he said he would certainly come if he had to charter a truck to fetch him. How funny he is. P. So they are not married, nor going to be. A. Not married certainly ; but for the other, the going to be, that will depend entirely upon the consent of this most excellent, sweet young lady. E. Hush, Mr. Bert, you are really impertinent ; and right before everybody : there's no pic-nic in that. A. Oh! it's all included in the programme. T. And I am only waiting to make the best terms for a capitulation to this young lady. C. I thought you had surrendered at discretion long since. T. So I have, but you do not seem inclined to take possession of your conquest. G. Oh ! we shoot our birds quick as they fly ; but we pick them up at our leisure. T. You will be sure to find me at the same spot where I fell. C. If the crows don't get you. T. Nay, you will not allow it, for such a soul does not hold dan- glers for sport or exhibition. C. You say truly, and do credit to my nice sense of honor, even in dealing with danglers ; so you can consider youself dismissed. T. Not so long as there's a hook in my gills. C. But Miss Vaudeville, what sort of a time did you have with your newly assorted beau ? D. Oh ! aye ! friend Plummet, how did you get along with Miss Vaudeville? Wliat with so sprightly a young lady, and bo swift a horse, you must have had your hands full. P. Oh ! we managed excellently, and were altogether as comfort- able as you could imagine. I had no idea that one of her profession could talk so seriously and consistently on philosophical and other Bolemn topics. L. What she ! Kate Vaudeville ? why she can talk well on any subject from a fishing excursion to transcendental theology. P. She certainly exhibited intellectual endowments of no ordinary character, and a superior cultivation. I would really like for our good CROWDmG THE SEASON. 25 minister, Mr. Sanctity to have an hour's conversation v.ith her on the propriety and morality of stage exhibitions ; for I confess she has shaken iny conrideuce in former opinions and prejudices to the very foundation. Miss V. Ah ! Sir, I can not express to you how gratified it makes me to have you say so. Not that I value the triumph of my powers a particle, but truth and reason must prevail where they have access to inteUigence. It is that access, which is denied to our profession by the prejudices and prohibitions of many good people against it. But Mr Plummet is disposed to dwell upon the serious part of our journey ■ and intercourse. Believe me, we had fun enough besides to charac- terise it as a jolly excursion. B. Oh! ah! A. & T. Oh ! Phew ! L. I should think you might wherever you were of the party. Miss V. You see, Mr. Plummet is not used to fast horses. T. Ha ! ha ! I should think not. 3Hss V. So Mr. Joseph gave him specific and exact directions how to manage him. Well, he did very well, until having gathered the reins in his hands, he drew back on them and spoke up to jMorgan to go — when, depend on it, he would certainly have tumbled over back- wards, if 1 had not caught him by the coat : for Morgan starts like a \>o9. trom a catapult ; and then moves like a steam engine. E Dreadful ! but you caught him ? Miss V. Yes, and landed him safe back in his seat ; which by the bye, is not over roomy, is it Mr. Plummet ? F. Not more than space for two —ha ! ha ! All. Ha ! ha ! that's jolly for an old gent — kc. D. Ah that Joe, how cunning : he ordered that wagon himself. Miss V. He is a suit of clothes full of iniquity. Sir, and deserves a vacation in a house of correction. r. With you to manage him I think he would be soon tamed. Miss V. Oh ! dear ! I am at the head of no such institution, unless you allow the term " house of correction " to our theatre. But to our journey We did very well after Mr. Plummet v»\is righted, though we did run through the streets at a fearful rate, several times just avoiding a smash by the breadth of a shaving. Mr. Plummet kept his courage, however, except at a particular point in a particular street, when I observe«l a cold chill run over his frame, and his eyes set tov.'ards the windows of a house, as though he were in expectation of being shot from it. D. Why, what could possess him ? iMiss V. So I asked him. Oh ! said he, did you notice my glance at the house ? Mr. Sanctity, our excellent divine lives there. At which of course I rallied him well. After we crossed the ferry I took the reins for some distance ; then he ventured to drive again : and so vv'e alternated all the way down. But v.'orst of all, when I was doin:^ some of my most stylish driving and Morgan bounding like a thunderbolt past a light curricle, whom should we see in it, but Mr. Sanctity himself, and we brushed close enough to shake hands. But didn't he stare and open his winkers and wipe his spectacles ? Well 26 CROWDING THE SEASON. if he didn't you may take my place in the play to-night at tho theatre. D. So he J3 on his way down here too ? Oh ! that Joe ! but I for- give him in virtue of that girl. Miss V. That what, Sir ? D. That girl I say that he has been keeping. Sliss V. What ! girl ! keeping ? Oh ! I'm lost ! Oh ! me ! [She faints. Albert bears her to a so/a. All. Oh ! dear ! what is the matter ? &c. P. What a pang ! poor, dear lady, how she takes it to heart. Mrs. J). Who would have thought it. One might suppose by her conversation, that her sonsi!)ilities were frittered away in gayety. It is only a poor child that lie is educating out of charity. J/i.ss V. Oh! my! that's all! C. She has a true heart I warrant. E. As ever lived in a gentle bosom. Enlcr Job Discount and Mrs. Plummet. L. Why, here is another pic-nic party. To be sure the whole city is crowding tlic season on a grand pic-nic. Mrs. r. Where i.i Plummet/ Where is my vagabond husband and the other runaways ? r. Here dear. Mrs. P. Just to think. J. And wlicre, where is Miss Kate? Miss V. Why that must he Mr. Joseph ! [Rising. J. Oh! there slie i5. I did not knov/ but that Mr. Plummet had dropped you out by the way. You krow he has an aversion to riding with actresses. Mis. Yes, but we must learn not to cry over spilt milk. 3Irs. P. So we should dear, and I am almost reconciled about you and the young lafly. J. But Miss Vaudeville, what was the master with you when I came in ? I was fearful you might have been hurt, you looked so pale : and you were reclining too. 3Iiss V. Oh ! nothing that concerns your enquiry. T. She was only a little sick about Mr. Joseph. Miss V. Oh ! Mr. Theodore ! how perfidious I J. Oh ! oh ! ah ! now I wonder ! Miss V. Are you going crazy, sir ? J. Oh ! no ; only going happy. So you had a faint ? 3Iiss. V. I was a little sick for a moment ; but I have been sick of you for a long time. /. Well the physician is not far off, that can cure you once for all. Miss V. Who is that, impudence ? J. The Reverend Mv. Sanctity. I left him about a mile back. Miss V. Then you want him to preach my funeral? He would scarcely condescend for an actress. J. lie'll condescend to officiate for her in a more agreeable ofiice, for the proper douceur. Miss V. Sh — then, say no more; let's all take a stroll on the beach. J. [Walking aside with her on his arm.'] I say, I say, Miss Kate, I have been long anxiously waiting, as a poor invalid by the pool of Bethesda. I have abided patiently, though with little show for hope, until this happy accident, the fall nature of which I can not yet fully under- stand. I saw and heard enough however to cause mc to smell a mice. Mis3 V. Aye ! and I dar^ say, I can recognize the cruel Grimalkin, that would be glad to pounce on the poor little innocent on sight and shake its life out. Now come you here. Tabby — here— there— now crouch you down right here. J. But what is this for ? Miss V. Do as I tell you. There you need not get ou your bones— crouch down, I say. J. There then ; anything to satisfy you. JA?s V. Now, direct your eyes just here. There do you see ? /. Nothing but a small hole in the lloor. Miss V. That's it! that's the mouse hole! wait till the mouse jumps yShe runs off ot^d out at the door, hefolloioing. J. Well she can beat mc at a joke yet. [Exit. D. Ah ! wh it a pair of larks ! Did any oao ever see 3U<;h a match ? 28 CROWDING THE SEASON. A. That mouse is pretty well trapped, I should say. "Wliat do you think, Miss Emmn,? K I confess, I think she will he put to her host tricks to make an escape now, Fnter Mr. Sanctity. L. Why, here is still another party. I fear we will not he ahle to provide for so many. A. Never fear. Landlord ; they are all of our party. I will provide for them. This, ladies and gentlemen is the Reverend Upharsin Sanctity, ready at hand to arrest, hind and tie up any runaways and carry them hack to Fifth Avenue rejoicing. P. Oh ! Mr. Sanctity, we are all, I am sure, exceedingly happy to see you ; hut I fear, like the rest of us, you have heen made the sub- ject of a practical joke, by these lively, but most estimable young ladies and gentlemen. I hope you will excuse them. A. In view of the fact that the parson evidently needs a day of rest and recreation, and that we shall give him scon a triplicate Avcdding all at once. C. Now brother you are as bad as Joe : Speak for yourself if you please. A. And all expenses paid. Smdili/. Well my good friends old and young, it is very true, but for the interruption of the eighth division of the fourth general head of my next discourse ; of a correspondence with Bishop Gorilla of Dahcmcy and Eishop Pophagus cf the Fecjec Isl -nds; and a dozen or so of calls on some of the mcst respectable ladies of my flock, living just in your neighborhood, Mr. Liscouiit, I am sure I should have felt it raJ.her a relief than otherwise irom the constant strain cf arduous labors. And whenever our young friends, these charming young ladies and mcst cstimal>lc young gentlemen feel the inclination to be joined in the holy bonds oi' wedlock, I shall be most happy to wait on them and be the humble instrument of their happy and congenial unions. But I see only apparently two young couples. "Which is the thhrd? Fnkr Joe Discount and Miss Vaudeville. A. Lo! and behold! D You know Jce, Parson ? S. Y/eil yes sir ; that is, he h your younger promise ? J). Just so, a high lark. Everybody l:nous Joe. S. And a most cleg?.nt. charming looking young lady v/ith him. Mrs. I). Ch! that is iMis,j- r. Yes, that ij Miss Vaudeville. Jlrs. P. An aclrco3 at — S. An actress ! ! a stage player ! ! and with your son, and in com- ■pany with such erainently respectable members of my flock? Oh! mercy ! what will the world come to next? C. Ycs,_ l)ut rcllect, Mr. Sancity, Miss Vaudeville is as respectable and ladylilio as anyone ; a person of elegant education and the most refined mauncvi. S. I can scarcely conceive of such an inconsistency, my dear young CROWDING THE SEASON. 29 friend ; but if you say so, I must abide the consideration of my good friends your parents and the Plummets. What congregation docs she attend V C. The Reverend Dr. Bing's, I believe. S. Oh ! ah ! a most respectable and refined congregalion, and very wealthy. Do you know they contributed ten thousand dollars to the Dahomey mission ? J. And much to their credit, Parson. Come let's all stroll out upon the boach until dinner is served. D. So we will : come all. [Exeunt. SCENE SniFTS. SCENE ir, — The dining rocr.i at Rockaway. A dinner table spreid unth various dishes ; also decorated with vases of flowers &c. Enter Mr. a7id Mrs. Discount, Mr. and Mrs. PLUMMrx, Carrie, Emma Kate, Albkrt aiid Jon Discount, Theodore Plummet, PiEv'd Upiiar- 8IN oANCTiTY, LANDLORD, AVaitzrs djc. T, ey take i-cats 'it the tabh, Mr. Discou.-T at t.'.e upper end. Hr. Plu.mmet at tne hiver end. On t.'ie right of AIr. Discount, Mrs. Plummet, IJanctitt, Carrie, end TnEOcoRE; on the left Emma, Albert, Kate, Joseph end Mrs. D:scou:;t, in the order m u-/iich they are nmned. The Landlord superintends. A iCrge tureen of soup infrojit of Mr. Discount. L. I really do not knov/ Mr. Discount, v/herc he got the materirJs at such short notice, but my cook seems tj have made a very good spread by v.hat I lcc in the kitchen. D. Oh ! I darj say v/c shall all do very well. Albert says he made out the crdcr v.ich great particularity, and he is an excellent caterer, i always leave such matters to him v.'hen v.^c travel together. [IIJps to the soup. Mrs. D ITiat soup has a pretty stout flavoring if one is to judge by the aroma. D. My dear! Mrs. D. Do you not discover it? D. Well perhaps a little too spicy. P. [lasting. '\ Gad ! i should say so ! Mrs. r. [Tading.] Mercy! What's in it! J. \ d(.n't know, I)i;t it's the latest agony, I warrant. A. IIov/ do you like it, Mr. Sanctity ( .J. 1 confess it is rather richer and of a higher flavor than that which usually grates my humbb and simple bjard. Mri}. 1\ Oh! horrur! it's like poison ! a 0:1 ! dear I E. its killing! Ka e. Av/fiil ! T. DrcadlVd I D. I must own that it baffles my own best manners. Here land- lord, you may order it off and give us the next course. Albert, 1 think you were decidedly unfortunate in your selection cf soup. A. Perhaps, but there's better to come. Wc procured some ele- gant fish. [Soup is removed: fish brought on and served 03 befoTf. 30 CEOWDING THE SEASON. Mrs. D. I hope the fish is better ; 'out there io a pungent odor of garlick to announce it. I am afraid it will fare like the soup. If it is ail like this wc shall not fare very luxuriously. D. Mv dear, .try il before you speak. Mn. D. i beg to be excused, the odor is enough. Mrs. P. [Tadinj.] Oh! misery! I wish I had been satisfied with the smell too. F. Great heivens ! it almost takes away the breath ! I shall cer- tainly never get clear of the garlic ! L. It is truly stunning. The cook surely deals in fiery com- modities! D. Yes, ray mouth is in a blaze too ! C. Joe, I am afraid this is a part of your programme. J. No, Dert ordered the dinner you know, before I came down. D. Landlord, wc c?.n do no more with your fish than with your Eoup; but what is in it ? A. Perhaps the c.ok has put too much onion and garlic with his fish, or . Vv'ell I'm r.ure lu me^.ny no harm. J. Iley ! v.hat is this in Mr. Plummet ;; pie? look here! ribbons! a whole sv/ad of them ! all the coL.rs of the rainbow. P. Most true ; tho most extraordinary mitcrial for a pie that I ever heard of ; look ! [Pulls out a bt of ribbons. CROWDING THE SEASON. 31 D. Here, we may as well clear off this mess of dry crusts, Land- lord ; and if not aire idy prepared, let us have soma dinner witliout nonsense or liumbr.g in half an hour. \Ex.H Landlord. A. You will be reconciled presently. J. To he sure you will, Governor. Mrs. D. They didn't mean any harm, my dear, I'm sure: So think no more ahout it. D. But to treat a party of ladies and gentlemen in this way ! It is the height of absurdity, I am ashamed of them ! and must apologise to our good friends Mr. and Mrs. Plummet and the Kev'd Jlr. Sanc- tity and the ladies for such incalculable and unwarrantable rudeness. Enter Landlord. S. I am sure I forgive my young friends very cheerfully. Mn. P. We feel no malice tovv^ards them I am sure : do wo my dear ? F. Not the least in the world, but I hope the dinner will soon be ready. S. It is waning into the middle of the afternoon, and my humble me.^1 is usually spread about an hour jTcvious to the present time. J. But what is this in Mr. Plummet's pie ? look ! P. Vv'hy it seems to be a naj^kin folded about a paper, having much the appearance of a commercial account. Why, merciful heaven ! what is this.' What ! my eyes grow dim — read it some one and let my ears bear witness to the testimony of my eyes [Hands the paper to Joe, who hands it to Mr. Sa-ictit//.] J. Mr Sanctity suppose you read it, he will certainly believe your te-stimony. S. It seems nothing more than my friend has suggested, a mere mercantile account. [Peads.] Account sales of five liundre;! shares of Pheasant ValJeygold mine stock at tu-enly-(ive dollars per share for account of Ilosca Plummet, twelve thousand five hundred dollars, less com-.iiission one quarter cf one per cent, thirty-one, twenty-live ; balance by check on the city bank for twelve thousand fonr hundred and cixty-ciglit dollars and seventy-five cents. And here is the check inside. That is a paper, which even I can pronounce correct, as ignorant as I may l;e of commercial formalities. P. And is it really so ? and i ■> there no mistake ? D. It is assurcdlv true my friend, just as it reads. It was the first thing I ordered Bert to do v.hen he was to have gone to the ofUce th'u morning, explaining to him what a surprise it would give you. He requested me not to say anything about it. an 1 said ho would make the surprise more remarkalle still. I promised ; and this I presume, is the denouement ; but it is surely attctided with a vast deal cf unnecessary bubble and superfluous humbug. Try and do your legerdemain neater the next time, my son. J. Aye ! legerdemain is not an inappropriate term ; but, Mr. Sanclity, you fjrgot one little item in reading, which on the present cccAsion is of some importance, as a plea for the apparently silly situation in which Bert and I have placed our ixiends — and ourselves worst of all. 82 CROWDING THE SEASON. P. Ha ! an omission ! what can it be ? I hope no discount. J. Not a cent. 1 assure you. P. Rcarl, what can It be ? J. TicaLl the date, Mr. Sanctity. S. The first of April. All. The first of April ! that explains all . P. And to think we should none of us have thought before that it was all fools day ! Mrs P. And they have been joking us all day l(>ng ? Miss V. Yes, indeed, I believe they are humbugs themselves ; this Mr. Joseph especially. I shall be afraid to trust a word he says after this. J. No you will not. A. [2b Emma.] And will you mistrust me too ! E. Well — no I can not. C. Were you ia this scheme, Mr. Theodore ? T. Why, Miss Can ie? C. Because, if you were — 3[iss V. There, no, he was not in it, dear Carrie, and you must not look so at him. Joe and I were the real projectors of the scheme, though we had to let Albert into it in order to insure its full success, and more especially to retain your confidence and Emma's in what was going on. D. Well Joe and you are a couple of gay larks, I vow. Mrs. D. Nay, Joe i.j a high Lirk, but Kate— D. She is a lark too, a graduate. E. I wish I could sing like her. J. Or I wing such llights into the empyrean. Miss V. Take care Mister — J. I take cure in taking you, as one that has to manage a zebra. J/'.ss V. I dare say, I should be striped if I intended to submit to you : but von' 11 find me— J. I bargamed for a degree of tragic ferocity — Miss V. And I for a degree of comic stupidity — B. Ila ! ha ! Joe, you are well matched I see : she turns you smooth. A. Well now. Landlord, apprise your cook that we are ready for his real dinner — L. At your service, sir. A. And now we will have a dance in spite of crowding the season, and tljca return to a real dinner, and still leave time to reach tho theatre where Miss Vaudeville is advertised to appear to-night. [Exit Landlord. S. And I shdl have actually spent the day with one of those beings usually regarded as so godless. [T/iei/ dance a reel or some livcli/ stq) at the end of which the curtain drops.} THE END. A 4®-SE^r> FOR A XEW DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE. VOL. XLI. 321 The Pirate's Legacy 322 The Charcoal Burner S'.'S Adelgitba 324 Seuor Valiente 325 Forest Rose 326 Duke's Daughter 827 Camilla's Husband 328 Pure Gold (Catalogue contL'^Hfd VOL. XLIT. 329 Ticket of Leave Man 330 Fool's Revenge 331 O'Neil the Great 332 Hanrly Andy 333 Pirate of the Isles 334 Panchon 335 Little Barefoot 336 Wild Irish Girl from second page of cover.) VOL. XLin. 337 Pearl of Savoy 838 Dead Heart 339 Ten Nights in a Bar-room 310 Dumb Buy of Manchester VOL. XLIV. 345 Drunkard's Doom 346 Chimney Corner 347 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 348 No Thoroughfare Fards 341 Belphegortheilountebankj 349 Peep O'Day I Life " ... — . J 312 Cricket on the Hearth 313 Printer's Devil 344 Meg's Diversion 350 Everybody's Friend Hamlet, in Three Acts Guttle & Gulpit Cts. THE GREAT SECRET OP SHADO^W PANTOMIMES ; or, Harlequin in the Shades. How to get them up and hovr to act them. With full and concise instructions, and numerous Illus- trations. By ToXY Denier. Price 25 PARLOR TABLEAUX; or, Animated Pic- tures, for the use of families. Schools, and Public Exhibitions. By Tony Denier. Price 25 I AMATEUR'S GUIDE TO HOME THE- ATRICALS. How to get them up, and how to act in them; to which is added, "How to get up Theatric.ils in a Country House," with By-Laws, selected Scenes, Plays, and everything useful for the information of amateur societies. Price 25 THE GUIDE TO THE STAGE, by Leman TH0.MA9 Rede. Containing clear and full direc- tions for obtaining Theatrical Engagements, with complete and valuable Instructions for beginners, relative to salaries, rules, manner of going through Rehearsals, securing proper Dresses, conduct at a first appearance, &c., &c. Price 15 THE ART OF ACTING; or. Guide to the Stage. In which the Dramatic Passions are de- fined, a alyzed, and made easy of acquirement; also the requisites necessary for performers of both sexfs, htroes, gentl^nen. lovers, tradesmen, clowns, lieioines, fine ladies, hoydens, characters of mlddlJ and old age, etc. Price 15 Cts. MASSEY'-S EXHIBITION RECITER AND DRAWING-ROOM ENTER- TAINMENTS. Being choice Recitations in prose and verse. Together with an unique collec- tion of Petite Comedies, Drai-nas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schools and Families. Two numbers per number, SO The two numbei-s, bound in cloth, School style "5 THE OLIO ; or Speaker's Companion. A col- lection of Recitations in Prose and Verse, Dia- logues aud Burlesques, compiled for the use of Schools, Thespian Societies, etc., and for Public Declamation or Reading. In three parts., .each, 15 DRAMAS FOR THE DRAWING- ROOM. By Miss Keating. Two parts, each, 40 PLAYS FOR THE PARLOR. By Miss Keating. Two parts each, 40 ACTING CHARADES. By Miss Picker- ing 40 COMIC DRAMAS, for College, Camp, or Cabin (Male Characters only), four parts each, 40 DRAMAS FOR BOYS (Male Characters only), by Miss Keating 40 HOME PLAYS FOR LADIES (Female Characters only) , complete in three parts each, 40 AN EVENING'S ENTERTAINMENT, an original Comedy, a Burlesque and Farce 40 THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA. (NEW SERIES.) 1 Blinks Klid Jinks 2 Lucky Number 3 Somebody s Coat 4 Trip tc Paris 5 Arrivf.l of Dickens 6 Black Ole Bull 7 BlaoSest Tragedy of All NO. 1 Robert Make-Airs 2 Bex and Cox 3 Mazeppa 4 United Stales Mail 5 The Coopers 6 Old Dad 8 Cabin 7 The Rival Lovers 8 The Sham Doctor 9 Jolly Millers 10 VilUkinsandhisDinah 11 The Quack Doctor 13 The Mystic Spell 13 The Black Statue 14 TJnole JefT 15 The Mischievous Nigger 16 The Black Shoemaker NO. 8 Tom and Jerry, and Who's been Here 9 No Tator. or Man Fish 10 Who Stole the Chickens 11 Upper Ten Thousand 12 Rip Van Winkle NO. 13 Ten Days in the Tombs 14 Two Pompeys 15 Running the Blockade 16 Jeemes the Poet 17 Intelligence Office 13 Echo Band NO. 19 Deserters 20 Deaf as a Post 21 Dead Alive 22 Cousin Joes Visit 23 Boarding School 24 Academy of Stars 17 The Magic Penny 18 The Wreck | ny CUpids 19 Oh HushI orTheVJTgin- 20 The Portrait Pairier 21 The Hop of FasbOu 22 Bone Squash 23 The Virginia Maftany 24 Thieves at the M' H 25 Comedy of Brrol i 26 LesMiserables t 27 New Year's CaUw^ 28 Troublesome Sc >ant 29 Great Arrival 30 Rooms to Let 31 Black Crook Btf tesque 32 Ticket Taker NO. 33 Hvpochondrlac 34 MilliamTell .35 Rose Dale 36 Feast 37 Fenian Spy 38 Jack's the Lad 39 Othello 40 Camille 41 Nobody's Son 42 Sports on a Lark 43 Actor and Singer 44 Shylock 45 Quarrelsome Servants 46 Haunted House 47 No Cure, No Pay NO. 48 Fighting for the Union 49 Hamlet the Dainty 50 Corsican Twins 51 Deaf— In a Horn 52 Challenge Dance 53 De Trouble begins atNine 54 Scenes at Gurney's 55 16.000 Years Ago 56 Stage-struck Darkey 57 Black Mail (Clothes 58 Highest Price for Old 59 Howls from the Owl Train 60 Old Hunks 61 The Three Black Smiths 62 Turkeys in Season Tony Denier's Parlor Pmtomimes.— In Ten Parts, 25 Cts. each. No. v.— The Vivandiere ; or, The Daughter of the Regiment. Dame Trot and her ComicalCat: or, The Misfortunes of Johnny Greene. No. VI.— GODENSKI ; or. The Skaters of Wilnaa. The Enchanted Horn; or, The Witches' Gift. No. VII.— The Soldier for Love ; or, A Hero in Spite of Himself. Simeon's Mishaps; or, The Hungarian Rendezvous. No. VIII.— The Village Ghost; or. Love and Murder both Found Out. The Fairies' Frolic; or, The Good Wife s Three Wishes. No. IX.— The Rose of Sharon ; or, The Unlucky Fisherman. Pongo. the Intelligent Ape, and the Unfortunate Overseer. No. X.— Mons. Toupet, the Dancing Barber ; or, Love and Lather. Vol ait Vent and the Millers ; or, A Night's Adventures. No. I.— A Memoir of the Author. By Sfilrester Sleeker, Esq. How to Express the V/ jsious Passions, AcnoNs, etc. The Four Lov«".ls ; or, Les Rivales' Rendezvous. Thk Frisky Coi 'Bler ; or, The Rival Artisans. No. II.— Thi Rise and Progress of PAN-fOMiME. The Schoolmaster ; or the School in an Jproar. Belle of Madkid; or, a .Muleteer s Brifie. La Statue Blanche; or. The Lovers' StratagJm. No. III.— M. Dechalumeau; or, The Birthday Fete. The Di mov Lover; or. The Frightened Family. Robert Macaire ; or, Les Deux FUgitifs. The No. rv.— Jocko, the Brazilian Ape; Mischievous Monkey. The Conscript ; or. Bow U Avoid the Draft. The Magic Flute ; or. The Ma gician's Spell. Samuel French, Publisher, Any of the above sent by Mail or Express, on reCTlpt of price. 1 22 Nassau Street (Up Staies). ;8tS* New and explicit Desc' ^ive Catalogue Mailed Free on bequest. FRENCH'S MINOR DRAMA.. Price 16 Oeucs each.— Boi vol.. I. 1 Th^ Irlib Atu>nt07 3 BbuU kt the &W4B 5 How to |i«7 (h« B«Bt 4 The l.oma of » LoT«r 6 Tb* Ueki Hhot 6 >IU tMt Lost T Tb« Inr'tlbl* Prlztee 8 The (>iitd«n f^MKMr V<»t, II. 9 '•'■y:vrk«l U9Co 150 Up 151 Dn 16 NTatch VOL. HI. IT The Aecr«t ll>«r» II Whlt« Horse of Um Pep- It The jMobUe 20 The BoiUe 21 Boi ainl Ci.« It Bkmbooihof MWHow. \lcUm M Bol>ert Macaire VOL, IT. SS Spcrct Serrloe M omiilbae }T Irl>b Lion aSMki! ' rCroiM/ t9Tb« Old Onu-d aOK>.:Pp.iV^ Ftrit i' 1 8J» 1 ■ • .> ■ ..• :. ...-k ;r 40 All tlix (ilitUTt U V'll. VI. 41 Grlm*h«w. Kkgaiiair Rradahaw 43 RouKh Diumon 1 43 Pl...iP-rf i--::r,e .< ver I land I2:'. IBO Aiii.1t. 92 Our JemlniT tSMiller-iMaid 94 Awkward ArrlTal 96 Croaatnii the Line 96 Conjugal LetBon VOL. XIII. 97 llT Wlfei Mlrr.T 96 Life in New York 99 Middy Aihore 100 Crown Priuee 101 Two Queens 103 Thampiog Legacy lOS Unflnlihed tientleuian 104 Houne Do( VOL, XIV. IiOd Matrimony 107 Id and Out of Plaoe 106 I Dine with My Mother lino Hi » *a-tha ;, ' '-«* iii«.'»^ Uuiub'li^riu"* "' -under DlfllcS»MLlBerlck Boy .wL. XV. '. "^'"''- ^'^^^ ,113 Uue Cuatfor^HuIto Ill4 A Decided Case ]}}!> nin:|fhtrr 'nnr!t 'otAmiia I and Actora |2'- VOL. XXI. I 161 Promotion iual'v: 162 A FucioaUni IndlTid-,^ - 163 Mn. Caudle 164 Hhakipearci Dream 2:' 165 Neptune' I Defeat u:- 166 Lady of Bedchamber !2.«a i uwuhb |l67Take Care of LltUe, 239 Mr. and Mm. White )68lrtah Widow (Charley '240 A Quiet Family I VOL. XXII. I Vni, \x.\I. 1 169 Yankee Peddlar {24: .rbar ITO Hiram Hlreont (.'* I»tj 1171 Donhl.'-B-ldM Rnom -'* ■!■ • '"•• Ilr.,.,, ri..f... .1... .SI ,.ff ibook Pocket- (•lon I ii t r u- VOL. XXIII. MlU. jOgB Riirnev tho Rhn.i . OL. XXXII. 1349 Dr. DUworth ;.'»» Out to Nur«o rletquel uiiun ^vert III. h a Tiger .e Jn*tic« iirt»hlp ' iraoj 121) l'or»cii«tii Married andlm rhlMr»>ii In »h« Wo<»d |SelU«l,lM>«' II,,-..,., 134 ^ jcettiio ;i:^UU--h:cf Making ,JIlUi 130 A Lire WomaB In th 181 Th.. C.«r»alr >aucb- 7; 114. 144 1 '•T-Wayt' iai« Y<.ub«wir«4 bf«na "rf r«M« ■■■• Itj •••« M Tk.ia*>Mip>i « 1»4 l>M f»d*t ** Imm IMT»MaAtare«4NM. u Boy •>rr»t VI (i4 ('or«rMiwru««to. 4af«*«af •« <4m rw*» —" f'— h **m'> •■ r*—