PS 3545 .E533 R76 m <' r "^ a\ v^ O . » . \J V^ ' e , S .'> > O \ ';i' ,* > i^/A .v>^ ^> "v/^. .^ 4 O ^ V- ^i^>C^^• o.^ (TV V^ ^. <-^ unsm M n? V p Rubaiy^t of a Motor Car 1 Rubaiyat of a Motor Car By Carolyn Wells II Antfaor of Idle Idyls, Folly For Tfie Wise, A Nonsense Antholojjy, &c. Witfi illustrations by Frederick Strothmann New Tort Dodd» Mead Company 1906 LIBRARY of CONGRESS Two CoDies Received APR 28 1906 . CopyrlKht Entry OiKSS/7^ XXc.No, Gopyriubt, 1906, By Tbe Gartis PaBIisbini^ Company Copyrij^Iitt 1906, By Dodd, Mead and Company PaBIisBed. MarcB, 1906 f To tbe crank tbat makes the machine go Rubaiyat of a Motor Car Wafce! For tte "Honfc/' ttat scatters into fhgbt Tbe Hens before it in a Flapping Frigbt, Drives straigbt up to your Door, and bids you Gome Out for a Morning Hour of Sbeer Dehgbt ! Gome, fill tbe Tank, adjust tbe Yalye and Spring, Tour Automobile Garments 'round you Fling; Tlie Bird Of Time wants but to get away; (I tliink tbat name's a ratlier Glever Tbing!) And as tte Cortscrew drawing out the Cork, I crank my Car and try to make it work. You know tow little wbile we have to Ride; And once departed, may go to I^ew York. whether at Naishapur or Baby- lon, Whether the Car shall jerk or sweetly run, The Wine of Life is in a j Motor Trip, (Though all the Parts keep breaking One by One!) Wlty^ ii tde Soul can know this Glorious Game, All other Stunts seem dry and dull and tame; This is the ultimate, triumph- ant Joy, Automobile Elation is its Name! Would you your last remaining Thousands spend About the Secret? Quick about it. Friend! A Hair perhaps divides This Make from That— And on that Hair, prithee, may life depend! Now the New Year reviviiig old Desires, The thoughtful Soul to Cata- logues retires; He scorns his Last Tear's Runabout, and to The Newest, Biggest Touring Car aspires! EacR Year a Hundred Models brings, you say; Yes, but wbo buys the Car of Yesterday? And every Mail brings in New Catalogues Tbat make a Last Year's Model fade away! W^te not your Hour nor in the Vain pursuit Of Demonstrators who wiB loud Dispute; "This one is Best, because it's painted Red!*' "Tliat One, because it bas a Louder Toot!" 'Tis only a Beginner, young and green, W^io Thinks he wants an Odor- less Machine; What Fragrance is to Rose or Violet, So to the Motor-Gar is Gaso- lene. Some advocate Gear-Driven Cars, and Some Siyfi for a Joctey-pulley yet to come; Oil, crank your Gar, and let tte old tfiing Go! Nor fieed ttie Brake upon your Sprocket Drum. 'Tis but a Toy on wfiich one spends a Pile, And Brags about it for a Little WMe; Ambition rises — and tbe Fool- ish Man Sigbsy and prepares to buy Another Style. Tfiey say The lion and TFie Lizard keep The Record for Hill-climbing, rough and steep; I do not know those Makes. rn hunt them up. Fd like to Buy one, if they're not too Cheap. You know, my Friends, witR wliat a Brave Carouse I put a Second Mortgage on my House So I could buy a Great Big Touring-Gar, And run down Chickens, Dogs, and even Cows! For it my Future Income did I owe, And witt mine own Hand wrought to make it go ; And tbis was all tbe Wisdom tfcat I reap'd — "We cost like Tdunder and like Ligbtning go!" And those "Accessories" Adver- tisements That oder you Supphes at slight Expense; You read them oyer, and they always make Your own Belongings look like Thirty Gents. Look to tbe Blowing Horn before us— "Lo/' *'GaiIy/' it says, "Into tke Woi^U I blow!" Bebold its lovely Bulb, and Sweet-toned Reed, — (Ttie most Expensive in tbe Garden Sbow!) I had to Iiaye a Snakeskiii Auto-Goat, A Leather Foot-Mufl, lined with Thibet Goat; A Steering-Apron, and a Sleeping-Bag; For these things Help a Motorer to Mote. And tfien my Luncheon-Kit, and Hamper, swell. Robbed me of Many a Hard- Earned Dollar! Well, I often wonder wfiat tbe Dealers buy One-Iialf so Easy as tfie Folks tfiey Sell. Myself wfien Young, did eagerly frequent Garage and Glub, and beard Great Argument About it and about, — yet evermore Game out more Addled tban wben in I went. Indeed, with my big Gar IVe run so long It seems to me there's Always something Wi^ong; Faulty Ignition, or a Blown Out Shoe, Or maybe the Compression is too Strong. Then to the Laughing Face that lurks behind The Veil, I hfted up mine Eyes to find Two pouting Lips, demurely murmuring, **I don't see why you Ever bought This Kind!" Indeed, IVe learned to treat it as a Joke Wl^en Nuts work loose, or Car- buretors choke; And then, and then — the Spring, and then the Belt, A Punctured Tire, or Change- Speed Leyer broke! A Look of Anguisli underneath the Car, Another Start, — a Squeak, — a Grunt, — a Jar! The Aspiration Pipe is work- ing loose! The Vapor can't get out! And there you are! For I remembeir Stopping by tfie Way To tinker up tfie old Machine one day, And with a Reckless and Unbridled Tongue, I muttered,— Well, 1 Wouldn't like to say! Wty> even Saints and Sages would have cuss'd If, speeding tEirough tfie World, tdeir Tires bad Bust! Like Foolish People now, whose words of Scorn Are utter'd while their Mouths are Stopt with Dust, Wfien suddenly, an Angel Sfiape was seen Approaching in an Dp-to-date Mactiine, Bearing a Vessel wfiicfc fie otf ered me, And bid me smell of it. Twas Gasolene! The Stufi ttat can witt Logic Absolute Tte Two-and-Seventy Jarring Parts confute; The Sovereign Alcdemist that in a trice A Drop of Oil will into Power transmute. Wliose Secret presence through the Motor's Veins Running Quictsilver-hfce defies our pains; Gutting up tricks from here to Jericho, — We try to start the Car, — but it Remains! Strange, is it not, that of tde Myriads who Have Empty Tanks and know not what to do, Not one will Tell of it when he Returns! As for Ourselves,— wfiy, we Deny it too. Wtat! Out of Oily Nothing to invofce A Powerful Sometbing, bom of Fire and Smoke! An Unremitting Pleasure, if it goes; An Everlasting Worriment, if broke. We are no otter ttian a Moying Row Of Automobile Cranks that come and go. And what with Goggles and Tale-windowed Veils, In Motoring Get-up, we're a Holy Stiow! But (lelpless Pieces of the Game bestowed Upon tte Gliecfcer-board of Hill and Road; Hitfier and Tliitter moved and sped and stopped. And One by One back to ttie Garage towed. Tlie Car no Question mates of Ayes or Noes, But Here or There as strikes its Fancy goes. But the Bystander, odering Advice, He knows about it all — He knows— He KNOWS! And if in Vain down on tlie Stubborn Floor Of Eartb you lie. And weary, cramped and sore, You gaze to-day; you may be jolly sure To-morrow 'twill be worse tban 'twas before! Yesterday's Troubles made you Mad for fair. To-morrow's Trials too, will make you Swear. Crank! For you know not What's the tiitct nor W^y ! Grank! For you know not W^en you ^o, nor WIiei*e ! Each Mora a Thousand Trou- bles cause Delay. Yes: but you left Some unfixed Yesterday; And this first Impulse that should bring the Spark — Confound this old Igniter, Any- way! You Tliaw your Freezeless Circulation first; Tden mend your Puncture Proof Tire wtiere it Burst. Helpless you Skid upon your Anti-Skids, But Starting a Self-Starter is tKe Worst! Perliaps you get out your Repairing-Kit, And try to Regulate tfie Tting a bit; You test the Coil, adjust the Shifting-Gear, — And then it Goes? Not so you'd Notice it ! And ttat Inverted Man, wfio seems to lie Upon tfie Ground, and Squints with Practised Eye. lift not your Hands to fiim for Help. For fie As impotently works as you or I. All, Love, couM You and I witd dim conspire To Fix this Sorry Scheme of Things entire, Would we not take it all apart, and then Remodel with no danger of Back-Fire? All, make tde most of Time we yet may spend Before we too, into tte Dust descend; Dust unto Dust. Under tbe Car to lie, Sans Goat, sans Breatb, sans Temper, and — sans Friend! And tliat Reyiying Herb, yydose Tender Green Upon the Julep Gup is some- times seen. Ah, interyieyy it lightly, for you knoyy You U need your Wits to man- age your Machine. Ahy my Beloved, fiD tbe Lamps that sded A steady Searcblight on our Path ahead; To-morrow! — Why, To-mor- row I may be Myself with Yesterday's Seven Thousand Dead. WV> if your Gar can fling the Dust aside, And flying, througb tbe Air of Heaven ride, Were't not a Shame, were't not a Shame, I say. Within Speed Limit, tamely to abide? Wbat! Without asking, stop our Speed immense? And, without asking, Jadward (lunried hence! Oh, many a Cop of this For- bidding Mien, Must rue the Memory of his Insolence! And fear not lest a Smashup closing My Account and Yours, Machines no more shall fly; The Eternal Motorist has ever bought [illions of Bubbles like ours, and will buy. I sometimes tliink tbat every Sfiining Star Is but tbe Tad Lamp of a Motor Car; WIiicK leap'd from Eartb in its mad Ecstasy, And into Space went Speeding Fast and Far. And tbis I know. Tbougli in a Magazine Perfectly-running Motor Gars IVe seen, It's quite a Ditferent Propo- sition wden They're on the Road, and filled Witli Gasolene! Tde Moving Motor speeds, and haying Sped, Moves on. Nor all ttie Cries and Shrieks of Dread Shall lure it back to settle Damage Claims; Not even if the Victims are Half Dead! And wden at Last youVe mastered Belts and Bolts, Wfcen witfi no fear of Side- Slips, Jars or Jolts, Tour Sixty H. P. Racer licks up Miles At Ligbtning Speed, — ^turn on a few more Volts ! Tben in your Glorious Suc- cess exult! WIten your Gar plunges like a Gatapulty Sit tight! Hold hard! Pass Everything in Sight! And you will be Surprised at the Result ! ^. .0 >0' /^^ "^ ^ O^ - „ , o Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide Treatment Date: Sept. 2009 PreservationTechnologies A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 111 Thomson Pari< Drive Cranberry Township, PA 1 6066 (724)779-2111 1^1%^fv '?\t