0" . 1? <*> DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. Price 15 Cent! Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price is Given. COMEDIES, MELODRAMAS, Etc. All That Glitters is Not Gold, 2 acts, 2 hrs *'... 6 3 Arabian Nights, 3 acts, 2% hrs. 30 min 4 5 Aunt Dinah's Pledge, temper- ance, 2 acts, 1 hr 6 3 Beggar Venus, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min (25c) 6 4 Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs/ 25c) 9 3 Bonny bell, operetta, 1 br.(25c) 2 5 Caste, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 5 3 Chas. O'Malley's Aunt, 50 min. (25c) 5 8 Chimney Corner, 2 acts, 1 hr. 30 min 5 2 Consort of Heroines, 3 scenes, 35min 16 Cricket on the Hearth, 3 acts, lhr. 45min 7 8 Danger Signal, 2 acts, 2 hrs.. .. 7 4 Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 30min (25c) 8 4 Early Vows, 2 acts, 1 hr. (25c) 4 2 East Lynne, 5 acts, 2 hrs 8 7 Elma, The Fairy Child, 1 hr. 45 min., operetta (25c) 5 8 Engaged Girl, 3 acts, 30 min.. 2 7 Eulalia. 1 hr. 30 min (25c) 3 6 From Sumter to Appomattox, 4 acts, 2 hrft 30 min. . (25c) 6 2 Fruits of the Wine Cup, tem- perance, 3 acts, 1 hr 6 4 Handy Andy, Irish. 2 acts, 1 hr. 30min I.. 8 3 Home, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 Indiana Man, 4 acts, 2 hrs. (25c) 6 4 Iron Hand. 4 acts, 2 hrs. . . (25c) 5 4 It's All in tt s Pay Streak, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 min (25c* 4 3 Jedediah Judkins, J. P., 4 acts, 2hr.30min (25c) 7 5 Lady of Lyons, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 8 4 Let Love But Hold the Key, musical, 1 hr (25c) 2 2 Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2& hrs. 15min (25c) 7 4 London Assurance, 5 acts, 2 hrs. SO min 9 3 Los 1 is London, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 m/u. 6 3 Louva, the Pauper, 5 acts, 1 hr. 45 min 9 4 Man from Borneo, 3 acts, 2 hrs. (26c) 6 2 Michael Erie, 2 acts, 1 hr. 30 m. 8 3 Miriam's Crime, 3 acts, 2 hrs... 5 2 MHsu-Yu-Nissi, Japanese Wed- aing, 1 hr. 15 min 6 6 Money, 5 acts. 3 hrs 9 3 My Wife's Relations, lhr 4 6 New Woman, 3 acts, 1 hr 3 6 01. r. Not a Man in the nouse, 2 acts, 45 min 5 Not Such a Fool as He Looks, 3 acts, 2 hrs 5 3 Odds with the Enemy, 4 acts, 1 hr. 45 m 7 4 Only Daughter (An), 3 acts, 1 hr. 15 min 5 2 On the Brink, temperance, 2 acts, 2 hrs 12 3 Our Boys, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 4 Our Country, 3 acts, 1 hr lo 3 Ours, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min 6 3 Out in the Streets, temperance, 1 hr. 15 min 6 4 Pet of Parson's Ranch, 5 acts, 2 hrs 9 3 Pocahontas, musical burlesque, 2 acts, lhr 10 2 School Ma'am (The), 4 acts, 1 hr. 45 min 6 5 Scrap of Paper, 3 acts, 2 hrs 6 6 SeaDrift, 4acts, 2 hrs 6 2 Seth Greenback, 4 acts, 1 hr. 15 min 7 3 Snowball, 3 acts, 2 hrs 4 3 Soldier of Fortune, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 20 min 8 3 Solon Sbingle, 1 hr. 30 min 7 2 Sparkling Cup, temperance, 5 acts, 2 hrs 12 4 Sweethearts, 2 acts, 35 min 2 2 Ten Nights in a Barroom, tem- perance, 5 acts, 2 hrs 7 4 Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 2hrs (25c) 6 4 Ticket of Leave Man, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 45 min 8 3 Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2 hrs. 30 min (25c) 7 4 Toodles, 2 acts, 1 hr. 15 min. .. 6 2 Topp'sTwins,4acts,2hrs.(25c) 6 4 Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 15 min , (25c) 8 3 Under the Laurels, 5 acts, 1 hr. 45 min 5 4 Under the Spell, 4 acts, 2 hrs. 30min (25c) 7 3 Wedding Trip (The), 2 acts, 1 hr 3 2 Won at Last, 3 acts, 1 hr. 45 min 7 3 Yankee Detective, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 8 3 A successful list. T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. The Light Brigade A COMIC ENTERTAINMENT FOR LADIES BY MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY AUTHOR OF 'Humorous Monologues," "Fun on the Podunk Limited" and il The Third Degree." CHICAGO T. S. DENISON, Publisher 163 Randolph Street SEP 4 . 1908 ^JjJ /335Z>3 THE LIGHT BRIGADE CHARACTERS. Grandma Light Deaf and Determined Ma Light Fat and Forlorn Lucindy Light Man-Struck Old Maid Lorinda Light Severe Suffragist Louisa Light Inclined to Invalidism Lucretia Light Eloquent Elocutionist Letitia Light' A Winning Widow Lena Light ) The Twins Lina Light J Lovey Light Baby of the Family Time of Playing — About Forty Minutes. STAGE DIRECTIONS. R. means right of the stage; C, center; R. C, right cen- ter; L., left, etc. The actor is supposed to be. facing the audience. COPYRIGHT, 1908, BY T. S. DENISON. 3lOtfN THE LIGHT BRIGADE. COSTUMES. Grandma — Hair powdered very white, black lace cap, very plain black dress, white kerchief around neck, black lace mitts, a handbag in which are spectacles, a sandwich, a bag of bright-colored stick candy and a large white hand- kerchief. Ma — Must be made up to be as fat as possible. If pos- sible, wear quite a fussy silk dress of old style, a lot of jewelry, hair twisted and rolled back from face, a small bonnet with strings that tie under chin. Handbag with at least three handkerchiefs. Lucindy — Regulation old maid costume, corkscrew curls, very much-trimmed dress of bright colors and of old style. Carry a fan and lace-trimmed handkerchief. Lorinda — Very plain tailor suit and made up as mannish as possible. Carry long revolver in pocket of dress. Letitia — As showy and attractive as possible, with a very large flower-laden hat. Lucretia — A fancy white or light-colored party dress, suited to the stage, with a large bow in hair. Louisa — Made up as an invalid, with loose wrapper and a thin light-colored shawl around shoulders. Twins — Dressed as girls of about fifteen, with hair braided and tied with bows, dark colored dresses trimmed with light or some bright color. Made up to look as much alike as possible and hair, dresses, etc., just the same. Lovey — As small as possible, very short dress, quite fancy, bright stockings, slippers, wear glasses. Personate child about eight years old. At the last, before she speaks she goes off and pulls stockings just like those she has on her feet onto her arms and puts slippers on her hands, then comes on stage wearing a large cape or a shawl. Before taking her seat she puts this around her again. THE LIGHT BRIGADE. REMARKS. As costumes help greatly make them as effective as possi- ble. Ma Light should be very fat and preserve at all times a very sad and forlorn manner. Some of the girls should be tall and others short. Let each one strive to act her part during the entire performance. Lorinda should be stiff and severe in manner, Lucindy simpers and "puts on," Letitia giggles and is continually happy. Grandma sleeps most of the time, but once in a while makes a great effort to hear what is going on. Lovey "cuts up" and wiggles and makes fun., Louisa has eyes shut part of time, is lan- guid and does not pay attention to what is going on. Groans occasionally. Twins sit with arms around each other most of time and are continually wrapped up in each other. Lucretia should be affected and "stagey." Aim to "over-do" parts and put snap into them — do not allow things to drag. THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Scene : Across back of stage are placed ten chairs. The first one, at right side is for Ma Light and should be a large arm chair. The one nearest left of stage is for Louisa and should be a rocker with a lot of pillows. The next to Louisa's is for Grandma and should be a high-backed up- holstered chair with cushions. Room must be left back of cliairs for the Brigade to march and a space left so they can come down center of stage thus : As the curtain rises the members of the Light family stand at one side out of sight. Ma Light begins to talk, in a loud, shrill voice. Ma Light. Now, are we all ready? Lorindy, do straighten grandma's cap for her — it's all cocked to one side. Letitia, straighten your face — don't giggle on a sancty- monious occasion like this. Is my hair on straight? Ready to march now. Left foot first. Forward the Light Brigade. (Music, a march, begins and the line enters, single hie at left corner of back of stage, in the following order: Ma Light, Lorinda, Lucindy, Letitia, Lucretia, Lena, Lina, Lovey, Grandma, Louisa. Ma keeps time to music by bringing left foot dozvn hard, some walk with mincing steps, some with long steps, some slow', some fast, Grandma walks lame and Louisa zvalks with great effort as if half dead. The file passes across back of stage, then from right comer of back to left corner of front, across front and then in diagonal line from riglit comer front to left comer of back. At the right comer of front Louisa faitits and falls to the floor. The rest do not notice and march on as if nothing had happened. Pass from left corner of back across 5 6 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. to center of back of stage, then down center to the front. As the line comes down center to front Ma discovers Louisa at the right corner of front. She gives a scream and runs down to center of front then to right comer, the others following in various stages of excitement.) Lorinda. Oh, what a catastrophe ! Lovey {indifferently). Oh, this isn't much of anything — only a mere kittenastrophe ! Ma. Poor Louisa ! I was afraid she'd drop — being weakly. Get something to revive her. Lucindy, Lorinda, get camphor and water. (Lucindy, Lorinda and Lovey run from stage.) Grandma {weeping). Poor girl! She'll die some day. Lena. Yes, she's sure to die some day. Lina. For we must each one pass away. Ma. She'll be all right in a few minutes. {To audience) Don't git uneasy, friends. This won't hurt our perform- ance a bit. Enter Lucindy and Lorinda each with a bottle and Lovey with some water in a cup. Lucindy. Here's some campfire. {Holds bottle to Louisa's face.) Lovey. Here's some water. {Throws the water up and lets it fall in a shower over Louisa.) Ma. Oh, Lovey, what a bad girl you are ! Ill give you a punishment if you don't look out. Lovey. Well, if you do I won't take part in the perform- ance, so! Lorinda. Here's some consumption cure for Louisa. Ma. Consumption ! Who's got consumption, I want to know. There's no consumption here. Lorinda. Humph, consumption of valuable time, I should say ! (Louisa groans and sits up, all the rest take hold and assist her to her feet.) Ma. What is it, poor dear? One of your spells? Louisa {weakly). Oh-h-h-h-h, my mind went blank and my breath stopped coming and my heart stopped beating. I'm all right now. THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 7 Ma. Then we'll perceed with our march. (They get in line up the right side of stage, Lina and Lena holding Louisa up and Lovey walking behind her trying to boost her along. Pass across back of stage and then along in front of chairs and sit. Music stops. Ma coming to center of stage and making a low bow.) Honorable ladies and gen- tlemen and everybody in this highly renowned and beautifer- ous audience, I bid you all welcome in the name of the Light Brigade, to the scrumptatious preformance we will now per- ceed to give for your eddyfication and eddycation. We are the Light Family! (Turns and zvaves hands at the rest who all stand up and make low bozvs. Louisa falls back in a faint into her chair after bozving.) We have been called the shin- ing Lights and I humbly hope we are all that and more. We call ourselves the Light Brigade because we are a com- pany, with me as boss. Lorinda (severely). I guess you don't boss me, ma. I'm old enough to do as I please. Lovey (jumping up, dancing a little jig). And so do I, or I'll know why ! Lena. She has to know the reason why. Lina. Or else she makes the fur to fly. Ma (reprovingly) . Girls, be still while I do my speechi- fying. Let it be all serene along the Potomac while I finish my addressibus. Friends, one and all, great and small, let me first interdooce myself. Ladies and gentlemen and everybody, I am Mrs. Lydia Light, the forlorn widder and mourning relict of Leander Light, who seven year ago sailed off into the great unknown, drifted silently through the shadowy portals, crossed the great divide, departed this mundane speer — in fact died! (sobs and weeps in her hand- kerchief.) Grandma. What is Liddy a cryin' for? Lovey (indifferently). 'Cause her husband's dead. Grandma. What about bed? Does she want to go to bed? Lovey (gets up, goes over to Grandma and yells). Not bed ! Dead ! Her husband is dead ! 8 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Grandma. So is mine. Been dead for nineteen year. (Weeps.) Letitia (laughing). So is my husband dead. But I don't weep about it (laughs). Lorinda. I fail to see that it is a laughing matter to have your husband dead. Lucindy. So do I. (Simpers.) If I had a husband and he died I — I should die, too. Letitia. I wouldn't die too — I'd hustle around and get number two (laughs). Ma (zviping eyes and frowning at the girls). Who is making this speechibus, you or me ? Hain't you old enough to be still yet? (To audience.) As I was saying, my hus- band died (chokes up and wipes eyes) and left me to bring up this family of seven girls and one boy. My boy married Letitia here (points) and — and — it killed him. So now I've got one more girl and no boy. (Weeps.) Letitia (laughing) . Cheer up, Mother Light. Why not make the best of a good thing ? Ma (horrified) . Do you call it a good thing to lose your husband ? Letitia. Well, it's a good thing for him, isn't it? (Laughs.) Ma (sighing). Yes, he's better off, poor dear. (To audience.) To perceed and continuate with my discoursita- tion, I want to say that since my beloved Leander left his mourning Liddy to walk alone in this vale of tears, alone with my eight daughters— including Letitia, the wife of my departed son, and my aged mother commonly known as Grandma, I have tried to earn a modest competunce for us by traveling tip and down the country, over hill and down dale, giving illimitable preformances called the Light Brig- ade entertainments. Prehaps some of you here have heard tell of the Charge of the Light Brigade, but I will say the only charge we make is the charge at the door to get within the sacred precincts of this incom-pa-rar-able gathering. Sence I was left alone with my eight daughters — one of whom is a darter-in-law — my life is dark and dreary, like a cell. THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 9 Lorinda. Oh, ma do not talk about cells. The folks will think you mean our entertainment is a sell. Ma. I guess they'll find out diffrunt 'fore we git through with 'em. (To audience.) To continuate and perceed and go on with my narratitive, I want to tell you my life is for- lorn. I'm all forlorn. If it warn't for my eight daughters — including a darter-in-law — and my mother, commonly called Grandma, I wouldn't have anything to live for. Though I am surrounded by Lights I still live in the dark- ness of widdered dejectation. I can do nothing but sigh — in fact my sighs — Lovey. Goodness gracious, ma, you don't need to men- tion your size — it speaks for itself and if folks don't hear it they'll sure see it. Lena. Our ma forlorn she sits and sighs and sighs. Lin a. And the more she sighs the greater grows her size. Lena. Till some day with great honor she will rise. Lin a. And as the fattest woman take the prize. Ma. You'll have to excuse Lena and Lina. They was born — Lovey. Oh, they was born at Bingen, at Bingen on the Rhine ! Ma (indignantly). They was not. They was born at Trenton, New Jersey. Moreover they was born with poetic temperments. They git insperations of poetry, and when the Muse moves 'em they has to speak in poetry. Oh, dear, I keep gittin' switched off the track of my addressibus all the while. As I have been trying to say, each one of us Lights takes some part in this preformance and my humble con- trarybution is a tender pome I wrote all unaided, unassisted, and all alone with only my feelin's to prompt me. The name of it is "A Widder All Forlorn." (She goes over to her chair, opens hand-bag, takes out three clean handker- chiefs and tucks an end of each in her belt, letting them hang, then comes to front and recites:) Alas, my husband he is gorn, And left me here, sad and forlorn ; 10 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Now, like the wind among the corn, I sigh, "I wish I had not a bin born." (Weeps into one of the handkerchiefs theji wrings it out and hangs it back in her belt.) No joy in life I more can know, Like cattyracts my wet tears flow; I sigh at night and sigh at morn, Sence I'm a widder all forlorn. . (Weeps on another handkerchief as before.) Oh, I'm a mournin' mournin'-dove, For my Leander's gone above ; Yea, all my fun in life is gorn, And I'm a widder all forlorn. (Weeps copiously into third handkerchief, wrings it out and hangs it at her belt, then braces up, with great effort and continues'.) Friends and audience all, I will now interdooce to you Grandma Light, a Light whose flickering light will soon be extinguished. She has lived her three-score year and ten and some more, and though she is somewhat old and feeble she is still pretty tolerable smart. Lovey. Oh, Granny's all right except her ears don't work very well. Lena. Oh, Grandma she is old and thin, Lina. And soon her grave she'll enter in. Ma. I now take great joy in interdoocing to you the aged participater in this Brigade — Grandma Light. ( Turns with a flourish to Grandma and finds her fast asleep.) Lovey. Te-he-he-he-he-he, she's asleep ! (Pokes her in the ribs.) Ma (going over and shaking Grandma). Come, Grand- ma, come ! Wake up ! It's time to make your bow. Grandma (rubbing eyes). How? Ma. Bow ! Time to make your bow. Grandma. Plough? I can't plough. Ma. No — no. It is time — THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 11 Grandma. Dime? I ain't got a dime. Didn't you take in any dimes at the door? Ma (yelling). It is time for you to get up and make your bow and speak your piece. Grandma. Oh, all right! (Gets up, comes to front, makes a lozu bow, then turns to Ma and says:) I don't want to speak a piece tonight. I guess I'll dance a little instead. Ma (horrified). Merciful sakes, grandma! The idea of dancing — and you a church member for thirty year ! Grandma. Well, I'm going to dance. I used to be a real good hand at it. (Lifts skirt at one side and puts foot out as if going to dance.) Ma. Grandma, don't you do it ! (She and Lorinda and Lucindy and Letitia all jump up, run to Grandma, take hold of her and keep her still.) Grandma. Guess I can jig if I want to! Lorinda. Why, you might drop dead if you danced — you have heart trouble. Ma. I'm afraid she's got a spell that's gone to her head. Lovey. Go it, Grandma, and give us a dance ! Letitia. I don't think it has gone to her head — it seems to have gone to her feet. (Grandma tries to dance. The others hold her. Ma screams.) Lena. Poor Grandma must be daffy complete, Lin a. For all her action has gone to her feet. Ma (speaking very loud). Come, now, speak your piece or the folks will go home. Grandma. All right, I spose I'll have to. Lovey. Don't be afraid, Grandma. Your age will pro- tect you. Grandma (speaks in a shrill, high, piping voice). ■ Mary had a little — (she stops, deliberately opens her hand bag, gets out a handkerchief, bloics her nose long and loud, puts handkerchief back in bag, then begins again ) Mary had a little — (stops, rubs her eyes, opens her hand bag, gets out her glasses, puts them on, looks audi- ence over, then speaks) 12 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Mary had a little beau, Who wore a necktie white as snow; And everywhere that Mary went, The little beau was sure to go. "What makes the beau love Mary so?" The wondering people cried; "Because she's got a lot of cash," The financier replied. He followed her to church one day, The preacher he was there, And straightway he did tie them up, And marry the fond pair. Months sped by and finally Mary had a little lamb; They named him for his papa, And called the baby Sam. (At the close Grandma makes a stiff bow. Ma and the girls, who stood back of her zvhile she spoke, beam upon her, pat her on the back and conduct her to her seat, where she goes to sleep again. All the others except Ma sit in their places.) Ma (coming forward). The next on our program is a song by poor Louisa. She has never been well. She's had these weakly spells ever sence she was a girl, but lately she's been worse, and instead of being weakly spells they have been daily ones. She is feeling so poorly now that we will wait and have her song later. (Louisa groans, Letitia and Lovey giggle, Grandma snores, Lucindy leans forward in her seat and gases intently at the audience, smil- ing and simpering.) Lorinda. Goodness sake, Lucindy, what are you looking at? Lucindy. Oh, te-he-he-he-he-he, there is a man down there who looks just like a fellow I used to go with in Mis- souri. He's watching- me as if he thinks I'm awful nice. THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 13 Te-he-he-he-he-he-he ! (She waves her handkerchief and simpers.) Ma. And now the next on our performance will be a very line speechibus on "Wimmin's Rights," by our eddy- cated sufferigist, Lorinda Light. This addressitation always moves a audience very greatly. The governor of Minnesota said he'd never heard anything like it in his life. I now interdooce Miss Lorinda Light. Lorinda (coming forward and making low bow). Ladies and all females of this audience assembled — I don't care whether the men listen or not. (Speaks in a loud, deter- mined voice with many flourishing gestures.) I come not here to talk. You know too well the story of our thraldom — we are slaves ! Us wimmin should be given our rights. We are slaves to the tyrannical oppression, insiduous, can- tankerous man, who won't let us vote. The Lord created man and saw that he could be greatly improved upon, so He tried again, to get something better. The result, my friends, was woman, an improved product of the Creator, and she ought to be at the head of this universe and stand at the helm of the political. wheel. I tell you it is time for an arduous struggle. -Let us not bow to subjugation and submission. We have petitioned and remonstrated and supplicated for our rights. We have prostrated ourselves before the throne and implored the men to set us on the lofty pinneracle of power, where we should oughter be, but they have spurned us with contempt. If we wish, female women, to gain the inestimable privileges for which we have been contending — we must fight! (Pulls a revolver out of a pocket in her skirt and waves it.) I repeat it, we must fight ! They tell us we are weak — unable to cope with so formidable an adversary ; but when shall we be stronger ? Shall we gather strength by irresolution? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope until our enemies, these flabbergasted, wily, merciless, rancorous, fraudulent, malevolent, malignant men shall have bound us hand and foot? Our chains are forged. Their clanking may be heard from Maine to California. War is inevitable and 14 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. let it came ! ( Waves revolver. ) I repeat it : Let it come ! We must have our rights and be allowed to vote! Is life so dear as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery ? I know not what course others may take, but as for me give me th'e ballot or give me DEATH! {Waves revolver. Makes profound bow and returns to seat.) Ma {to Louisa, anxiously). Louisa, dear, don't you feel well enough to sing your song? Louisa {weakly). No, no, no-o-o-o-o ! Ma. Oh, just try to stand up and see if you can't sing, poor dear. Louisa. Oh, I shall faint if I try to stand up — I'm so weak. Lovey {very suddenly jumping up and screaming) . Oh, Louisa, there is a mouse under your chair ! Louisa {instantly screams, jumps up, runs rapidly around stage, jumps up and down and yells in a loud voice). Why don't you kill it ? Ma {running to Louisa). Oh, my poor dear, you'll kill yourself. Louisa. Never mind me — kill the mouse ! Lovey {laughing). Oh, there wasn't any mouse, but now you sing that song. Louisa {marching over and giving Lovey a sound slap). You little smarty! {To Ma.) I guess I can sing now. Ma. We will now continuate and perceed with our pro- gram and have a song by Louisa Light. Lucindy, Lorinda, Lucretia, Letitia, Lena, Lina and Lovey Light will help with the chorus. Louisa {some one plays and she sings to tune of "March- ing Through Georgia," begining in a strong voice that gradually grozvs weaker. She stands at center of stage and Lucindy, Lorinda, Lucretia, Letitia, Lena, Lina and Lovey stand in a semi-circle behind her to help zvith the chorus). A soldier of the Legion he lay dying in Algiers, There was lack of woman's nursing, there was dearth of woman's tears ; THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 15 A comrade stood beside him while his life blood ebbed away, And sadly bent for to hear what he would say. Chorus. (Girls helping.) The dying soldier took that comrade's hand, And said, "I'll never see my native land, Take a message to some friends, some distant friends of mine, For I was born — for I was bom — Lucindy (weepingly). For I was born. (Takes her seat, crying.) Louisa (weakly). For I was born. (Goes to seat, weeping.) Lorinda (weeping). For I was born. (Takes seat.) Letitia (sobbing). For I was born. (Takes seat.) Lucretia (zveeping). For I was born. (Takes seat.) Lena and Lina (crying). For we were born. (Take seats.) Lovey (zveeping). I 'spose I was born, too. (Takes seat.) (The eight of them sit sobbing and zveeping. Grandma zvakes up, looks at them in astonishment, then gets up, takes a package from her hand bag, goes along and gives each one a stick of bright colored candy. The girls all cheer up and eat the candy.) Ma (rising). Ladies, gentlemen and audience all, I am glad to say that among my dear children I have a noted elocutionist, who speaks pieces jest beautiful. She learnt it at the district school back in Indianny and took her fin- ishin' in Bosting. She will now speak for us one of the most wonderful selections you ever heerd. (Sits.) Lucindy (waving handkerchief at some one in audience. ) Oh, te-he-he-he-he-he-he, there's the sweetest man down there by the door who is just struck on me. Te-he-he-he-he- he-he ! I'm going down and get acquainted with him. (She jumps up. The others grab hold of her and make her sit dozvn.) 16 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Lorinda. Shame on you to try to- break up our pro- gram. Lucindy (angrily). That is just the way you always spoil my chances. (Stands up and says simperingly.) I know not what course others may take, but as for me give me a husband or give me death. Lena. Of all sad words that we can't or can, Lina. The saddest are these : "She can't get a man." Lucretia (coming to center of stage). Ladies and gen- tlemen, the selection I shall give you is entitled "Hash." (She speaks with great power and elocutionary effort, with changes from slozv to fast, childish simplicity to tragical gusto, and with many striking gestures.) How dear to my heart are the scenes of my childhood, Where the boy stood on the burning deck, Whence all but him had fled, And under the spreading chestnut tree They tucked me in my trundle bed. An hour passed on, the Turk awoke: That bright dream was his last ; He woke to hear his sentries shriek, Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are, Up above the riderless mule going homeward From the fight of Paso del Mar. Flashed all their sabers bare, Flashed as they turned in air, Where Maud Muller, on a summer's day, Raked the meadows sweet with hay ; While the Assyrian came down like a wolf on the fold, And over Barbara Fritchie's grave Flag of Freedom and Union wave. England's sun was slowly setting o'er My country 'tis of thee, When Leander swam the Hellespont, • 'Neath the shade of the old apple tree; THE LIGHT BRIGADE. * 17 For I was born at Bingen, fair Bingen on the Rhine, In the old oaken bucket, the moss-covered bucket, The iron-bound bucket that hung in the well. Three fishers went sailing out into the west, Out into the west as — Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard, To get, blessings on thee, little man, Barefoot boy, with cheek of tan ; For men may come and men may go — but We gazed though not a man could speak, With horror all aghast, In groups with pallid brow and cheek We watched — Little Jack Horner Stick in his thumb, And pull out a Christmas plum. Lives of great men all remind us John Brown's body lies a mouldering in the grave, While young Lochinvar is come out of the west, And who shall dare to chide me for loving The old arm chair? Homeward then went Hiawatha, While the shades of night were falling fast, As through an Alpine village passed The wonderful one-hoss shay, That was built in such a logical way It ran way down upon the Swanee Ribber. Murmuring "Curfew must not ring tonight," For men must work and women must weep, Rock me to sleep, mother, rock me to sleep. (Makes sweeping bozv and takes seat.) Ma (rising). You did speak that jest splendid, Lucretia. I think you say it better every time. When I hear how lovely my daughters do public things it almost makes me forget I'm a lone, forlorn widder with my Leander on high. 18 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Lovey. Oh, say, ma, how do you know he's on high? Maybe he struck an elevator that was going the other way. Lucindy (jumping up and simpering). Oh, a man down there in the corner just threw me a kiss. Te-he-he-he-he- he-he ! Lucretia (pulling Lucindy back to seat). Well, you better sit still if you want it to hit you. Lena. Oh, sister thinks it would be bliss, Lina. To get hit by a nice man's kiss. Grandma. Say, aint it gitting most time to go home? I'm gitting sleepy. Guess I'll have a lunch. (Takes a sand- wich from hand bag and eats it.) Ma. I've been standing here a long time waiting for a chance to say something. I wish the rest of you would keep still. Lovey. Hush,- be still as any mouse ! Ma (to audience). The next number on our incom-pa- rar-able program is a instrumental solo by my dead son's wife, Letitia Light. She began to take lessons on the melo- dyon when she was nothing but a little girl and I guess she's had as many as fifty lessons all told. Some folks says she plays most as well as Padyroughsky. She can play "Old Black Joe" with varigations that most make you cry — it's so sort of lonesome like. I now interdooce Letitia Light, the merry widow musician. (Ma sits. Letitia goes to instrument and plays some dashing instrumental. Wher- ever there is a change in the music she puts in some simple piece; in one place "Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater," played with one hand; in another place a monotonous five-finger exercise, etc. All the Lights keep time, in various ways, to the music as she plays. When she finishes she comes to center of stage, bows and takes her seat.) Lena. Oh, the way our sister Letitia can play, Lina. Drives all our cares and sorrows away. Ma (rising). I will now interdooce my oldest daughter, Lucindy. She aint never got married, Lucindy aint, though I don't say as that is her fault. Lucindy. Why, ma, you know I never have cared about the men. There's been oceans of them wanted me but I THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 19 never wanted any of them. I think men are awfully dear but— Lovey. I guess they are always so dear she can't afford to buy one. Ma. Lucindy will now recitetate for you. (Sits.) Lucindy (fussing around and simpering, finally comes forward and bows, then gazes at sonic man in the audience, simpers at him and throws him a kiss. She simpers and puts on airs while speaking.) Oh, the lovers I have had, You'd never guess, I know ; There was Charlie back in Fargo, And Will in Chi-ca-go. There was Henry in Topeka, And Joseph in Eau Claire, And Peter from Toledo, Who had the bright red hair. There was Sammie in Detroit, And Horace from Duluth, Who loved me but was bashful And dared not speak the truth. There was Jack in Cincinnati And Fred in Kankakee, And though they all did love me I still am fancy free. There was Robert in St. Louis, And Walter in St. Paul- Yes, all of these have loved me, But I somehow lost them all. Yet some day a brave lover Whose eyes shall flash with pride, Will come to woo and win me, And make me his fond bride — te-he-he-hc-hc ! (She bows, then stands gazing at audience.) 20 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. Lucretia. Why don't you come and sit down? What are you looking at? Lucindy. Oh, there's a man in the second seat with the loveliest eyes who looks just as if he wants me, te-he-he- he-he-he ! Lena. Our sister Lucindy, if she can and she can, Lina. Is trying her best to capture a man. (The Twins - go to front, take hold of Lucindy and take her to her seat.) Ma {rising). The time has come and arrived for me to interdooce my twinses, Lena and Lina. They are twins to one another, each a twin unto the other. What one does the other wants to do. If one sings the other does. If one speaks, the other does. I am real proud of 'em, being twins and such nice ones. They will now do their part. {Sits.) Lena and Lina {come forward and bow, keeping close together and doing just the same things. They first speak, Lena speaking a verse of one piece while at the same time Lina speaks a verse of a different one. Then they sing, Lena singing a verse of one song while Lena sings some- thing else at the same time. While singing they stand with their arms around each other. Then they bow and take seats.) Ma {rising). And now at last we come to the last one, the baby of the family, Lovey Light. She is a real nice child but she is a little spoiled, being the last of the lot. Now, Lovey, come speak your piece. (She looks over at Lovey' s chair, but it is vacant, Lovey having slipped from the stage while the Twins were speaking. Ma calls her several times.) Enter Lovey with a shawl around her to conceal the shoes and stockings she has on her arms. Lovey. Well, what do you want? I am ready to go home. Ma. Well, Lovey dear, just say your piece and then you can go. (The Twins hold a sheet up folded so that it reaches from Lovey' s shoulders down to the floor. She stands behind it and after she gets in place she drops the shawl to the floor. She speaks the verse and then at the THE LIGHT BRIGADE. 21 refrain she crouches down behind the sheet and holds up her arms with the shoes and stockings on. She wiggles her hands and turns them from side to side. This gives the laughable appearance of standing on her head. Be sure to have a heavy enough sheet so the shadow will not show through.) LOVEY. When Ma gets cross or Lorinda scolds me, I kick up my heels as light as a flea, And stand on my head — just like this, you see. Refrain. Oh, I stand on my head, yes, stand on my head, Though Ma may object, I stand on my head. (Rises.) When Lucindy gets foolish, or Letitia gets gay, Or the twins have too much poetry to say, I relieve my feelings on my head just this way. Refrain. I am a very bad girl, so folks say, I don't like to work and I do like to play, And I think I'll perform in a circus some day. Refrain. (Lovey and Twins return to seats, then musician gives chord, all sit up very straight, at second chord all rise, at third they bow. Then sing the "Good Night'' round, Ma, Lorinda and Lucindy starting, then Letitia, Lucretia and the Twins taking second, and Grandma, Lovey and Louisa the third part. Then bow and march from stage or curtain falls.) 22 THE LIGHT BRIGADE. GOOD NIGHT. (Round) kind ■ "good night" Sweet -ly sleep till morn - ing light, Till morn- ing j i r^ j i j m j j i .j ^ i i light, To all "good nighty 3 Sweet - ly sleep till P j-^h J I J M * * j I jjj ^j morn - ing light; Good night. To # 3 B }\J J I J fc^fcEfc 5 PH all a kind good - night, To all good night. All A Mistake By W. C. PARKER. Price, 25 Gents Farce- comedy, 3 acts; 4 m., 4 f. Time, about 2 h. Scenes: Easy to set. Lawn at "Oak Farm" and drawing-room. Characters: Capt. Obadiah Skinner, a retired sea captain. Lieut. George Rich- mond, his nephew, who starts the trouble. Richard Hamilton, a country gentleman. Ferdinand Lighthead, who falls in love don- cherknow. Nellie Richmond, George's wife. Nellie Huntington, a friend. Nellie Skinner, antiquated but still looking for a man. Nellie Mclntyre, a servant. SYNOPSIS. Act I. — The arrival of George and his bride. A friend in need. The old maid and her secret. Ferdy in search of a wife. George's jealousy. The sudden appearance of a most undesirable party. George's quick wit prevents discovery. Act II. — The plot thickens. Cornelia in search of her "Romeo." The downfall of Ferdy. Richard attempts to try the "soothing system" on a lunatic. George has a scheme connected with a fire in the furnace and some pitch tar. Richard runs amuck amid gen- eral confusion. Act III. — The Captain arms himself with a butcher knife and plans revenge. Nellie hopelessly insane. The comedy duel. "Ro- meo" at last. "Only one Nellie in the world." The unraveling of a skein of mystery, and the finish of an exciting day, to find it was "All a Mistake." A Busy Liar By GEORGE TOTTEN SMITH. Price, 25 Cents Farce-comedy, 3 acts; 7 m., 4 f. Time, 2*4 h. Scenes: Easy to set, 1 exterior, 2 interiors. Characters: Simeon Meeker, who told one lie. Judge Quakely. Senator Carrollton. Macbeth, a hot-headed Scotchman. Dick, in a matrimonial tangle. William Trott, a re- cruit. Job Lotts, another one. Mrs. MacFarland, everybody's friend. Tennie, with a mind of her own. Janet, a Scotch lassie. Mrs. Early, a young widow. SYNOPSIS. Act I. — Off to the war. A paternal arrangement of marriage. Janet of the Macbeth clan. Some complications. Meeker and the Widow. A lapse from truth. Meeker made captain. "You are afraid to go." "Afraid? Never!" Act II. — In camp. Captain Meeker and strict discipline. The Widow, the Judge and the Senator court-martialed. The Widow wins. Another lie and more complications. An infuriated Scotch- man. "You held her in your arms." "She is my wife." Act III. — The ball. "Not military matters, but matrimony." "Another of Meeker's fairy stories." The Captain in kilts. "The funniest thing I ever saw." The Widow untangles a tangle of lies. A lass for every lad. Peace proclaimed. Meeker remains "at the base of supplies." f. S. DENISON, Publisher 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO The Heiress of Hoetown By HARRY L. NEWTON AND JOHN PIERRE ROACH. Price, 25 Cents A rural comedy, 3 acts; 8 m., 4 f. Time, 2 h. Scenes: 2 ex- teriors. Characters: Jimmie Blake, a physical culturist. Jack Wright, a civil engineer. Ezra Stonyboy, the postmaster. Count Picard, waiting at the church. Corporal Cannon, a veteran. White Blackstone, dealer in titles. Congressman Drybottle, a power in politics. Doolittle Much, constable and proprietor of the village hack. Mary Darling, an heiress. Jane Stonyboy, with ideas. Tillie Tung, the village pest. SYNOPSIS. Act I. — Borrowing a screen door. Blackstone, a dealer in titles. Mary comes back home. Blackstone wants Jimmie to travel for his health. "One hundred thousand dollars as expense money." "No, I am going to a strawberry festival and that's worth more to me." The lost necklace. The proprietor of the village hack discovers something. "She's a fine gal, she is." Act II. — The Strawberry Festival. Blackstone schemes a quick marriage. A busy time for Doolittle Much. "Search that man, Constable!" The necklace is found on the wrong man. "Any man caught with no visible means of support can be arrested as a com- mon vag." The Count is "pinched." Act III. — The siege of Hoetown. The Count works out his fine on the highway. "Shark, you're a liar!" The financial panic and the loss of Mary's money. The Count and Blackstone get "cold feet" and hike for old Broadway. Mary loses her home. "Come on, kid, I've got carfare." Mirandy's Minstrels By SOPHIE HUTH PERKINS. Price, 25 Gents A Female Minstrel entertainment. A complete ladies' minstrel show, full of novel ideas for costumes, finale, etc. Contains new jokes, gags, cross-fires, monologues and stump speeches. Ending with a most laughable farce, "Mrs. Black's Pink Tea," for 10 female characters, which is a gem of humor. Those that have "put on" female minstrels and know the difficulty of obtaining suit- able material, will be delighted with this book. It is highly humor- ous, yet refined enough for any audience. The Third Degree By MAYME RIDDLE BITNEY. Price, 25 Cents A female burlesque initiation; 12 f. and any number of members. Time, about 40 m. Scene: Any lodge room. Characters: Head Officer, Instructors, Assistants, Marshal, Doorkeepers, etc. It is unique, as it can be used as an initiation for any society or lodge or as an entertainment. Brim full of fun and action, yet not too bois- terous. Will please all women. T. S. DENISON, Publisher 163 Randolph Street, CHICAGO DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS. Price 15 Cents Each, Postpaid, Unless Different Price Is (liven. FARCES AND SKETCHES. M. F. Assessor, sketch, 10 min 3 2 April Fools, HO min 3 Bad Job, 30 min 3 2 Bardell vs. Pickwick, 25 min... 6 2 Beautiful Forever, 30 min 2 2 Betsy Baker, 45 min 2 2 Blind Margaret, musical, 30 m. 3 3 Borrowed Luncheon, 20 min... 5 Borrovviug Trouble. 25 min — 3 5 Box and Cox, 35 min 2 1 Breezy Call, 25 min 2 1 B"mble's Courtship, 18 min... 1 1 Cabman No. 93, 40 min 2 2 Christmas Ship, musical, 20 m. 4 3 Cobbler, 10 min 1 Convention of Papas, 25 min. .. 7 Country Justice, 15 min 8 Cow That Kicked Chicago, 20 min 3 2 Cut Off with a Shilling, 25 min. 2 1 Deception, 30 min 3 2 Desperate Situation, 25 min — 2 3 Documentary Evidence, 25 min. 1 1 Dude in a Cyclone, 20 min 5 3 Fair Encounter, sketch, 20 min. 2 Family Strike, 20 min 3 3 First-Class Hotel, 20 min 4 Freezing a Mother-in-Law, 45 min 3 2 Great Medical Dispensary, 30 min 6 Hans Von Smash, 30 min 4 3 Hard Cider, temperance, 15 m.. 4 2 Happy Pair, 25 min 1 1 Homoeopathy, Irisb, 30 min.... 5 3 1'llMay Awhile, 20 min 4 I'm Not Mesilf at All, 25 min.. 3 2 Initiating a Granger, 25 min... 8 In the Wrong House, 20 min. . . 4 2 Irish Linen Peddler, 40 min. . 3 3 is the Editor in? 20 min 4 2 John Smith, 30 min. 5 3 Just My Luck, 20 min 4 3 Kansas Immigrants, 20 min 5 1 KJss in the Dark, 30 min 2 3 Larkin's Love Letters, 50 min.. 3 2 Lend MeFiveShillin^s, 40min. 5 2 Limerick Boy, 30 min 5 2 Little Black Devil, 10 min 2 1 Love and Rain, sketch, 20 min. 1 1 Lucky Sixpence, 30 min 4 2 Lucy's Old Man, sketch, 15 m. 2 3 Madame Princeton's Temple of Beauty, 20 min 6 Mike Donovan, 15 min 1 3 MisseB Beers, 25 min 3 3 Mistake in Identity, 15 min... 2 Model of a Wife, 25 min 3 2 Mrs. Gamp's Tea, sketch, 15 m. 2 My Jeremiah, 20 min 3 2 My Lord in Livery, 45 min 4 3 My Neighbor's Wife, 45 min 3 3 m. r. My Turn Next, 50 min 4 3 Narrow Escape, sketch, 15 m... 2 Not at Home, 15 min 2 Obstinate Family, 40 min 3 3 On Guard, 25 min 4 2 Only Cold Tea, 20 min 3 3 Outwitting the Colonel, 25 m.. 3 2 Patsy O' Wang, 35 min 4 3 Pat the Apothecary, 35 min 6 2 Persecuted Dutchman, 35 min. 6 3 Pets of Society, 30 min 7 Played and Lost, sketch, 15 m. 3 2 Pull-Back, 20 min 6 Quiet Family, 45 min 4 4 Realmof Time, musical, 30 min. 8 15 Regular Fix, 50 min..., 6 4 Rejected, 40 min 5 3 Rough Diamond, 40 rain 4 3 Row in Kitchen and Politician's Breakfast, 2 monologues.. . 1 1 Silent Woman, 25 min 2 1 Slasher and Crasher, 1 hr. 15 m. 5 2 Taming a Tiger, 20 min 3 That Rascal Pat, 35 min 3 2 To Oblige Benson, 45 min 3 2 Too Much for One Head, 25 m.. 2 4 Too Much of a Good Thing, 50 min 3 6 Treasure from Egypt, 45 min.. 4 1 Trick Dollar, 30 min 4 3 Turn Him Out, 50 min 3 3 Twenty Minutes Under Um- brella, sketch, 20 min 1 1 Two Bonnycastles, 45 min 3 3 Two Ga\ Deceivers, 25 min 3 Two Gents in a Fix, 20 min 2 Two Ghosts in White. 25 min.. 8 Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 Two Puddifoots. 40 min 3 3 Uncle Dick's Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 Very Pleasant Evening, 30 min 3 Wanted: a Correspondent, 1 hr. 4 4 Wanted: a Hero, 20 min 1 1 Which Will He Marry? 3(> min. 2 8 W r hite Caps (The).miisical,3om. o 8 Who is W ho, 40 m in 3 2 Who Told the Lie? 30 min,.... 5 H Wide Enough for Two. 50 min. 5 2 Woman Hater (The), 30 min... 2 1 Wonderful Letter, 25 min 4 1 Wooing Under Difficulties, 35 min 4 3 Yankee Peddler, 1 hr 7 3 The publisher believes that he can say truthfully that Denlson's list of plays is on the whole the best se- lected and most successful in the market. New Plays will he added from time to time. For Ethiopian Plays see Catalogue T. S. DENIS0N, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS Price, Illustrated Paper Covers, 25 cents each. ¥N this Series are found books touching every feature in the enter- tainment field. Good paper, clear print and each book has an attractive in- dividual cover design. DIALOGUES. All Sorts of Dialogues. Selected, fine for older pupils. Catchy Comic Dialogues. New, clever; for young- people. Children's Comic Dialogues. Bright, original; for children from six to eleven years of age. Dialogues from Dickens. Thirteen selections. The Friday Afternoon Dialogues. Twenty-five original pieces; 45,000 copies sold. From Tots to Teens. Dialogues for vouths,children,little tots; pieces for special occasions. When the Lessons are Over. Dialogues, drills, plays. Wide Awake Dialogues. Brand new, original, successful. SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES. Choice Pieces for Little People. A child's speaker. The Comic Entertainer. Recitations, monologues,dialogues. Dialect Readings. Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. The Favorite Speaker. Choice prose and poetry The Friday Afternoon Speaker. For pupils of all ages. Humorous Monologues. For amateur and professional mon- ologists. Particularly for ladies. The Patriotic Speaker, Master thoughts of masterminds. The Poetical Entertainer. Choice poems for reading or speaking; fine illustrations. Pomes ov the Peepul. Wit.humor.satire; funny poems for reading or speaking; illustrated. Scrap-Book Recitations. Choice collections, pathetic, hum- orous, descriptive, prose, poetry. 14 Nos., per No., 25c. DRILLS. The Best Drill Book. Very popular drills and marches. The Favorite Book of Drills. Drills that sparkle with originality. The Surprise Drill Book. Fresh, novel, drills and marches. SPECIALTIES. The Days We Celebrate. Entertainments for all the holidays. Good Things for Christmas. Recitations, monologues.exercises, dialogues, drills, tableaux, etc. The Little Folks, or Work and Play. A sem of a book. The Little Folks' Budget. Easy pieces to speak, songs. One Hundred Entertainments. New parlor diversions, socials. Pranks and Pastimes. Parlor games for children. School and Parlor Tableaux. For school, church and parlor. Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, Charades, and hew to prepare. Tableaux and Scenic Readings. New and novel. For all ages. Twinkling Fingers and Swaying Figures. Finger plays, motion songs, catchy music; illustrated. HAND BOOKS. The Debater's Handbook. Bound only in cloth, 50c. Everybody's Letter Writer. A Handy Manual. Good Manners. Etiquette in brief form. Private Theatricals. Selecting plays, cast, ' rehearsals, stage setting, rain, lightning, etc- Social Card Games. Complete in brief form. MINSTRELS, JOKES. Black American Joker. Minstrels and end men's gags. A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy, Original cross fire conversations, monologues and stump speeches. Negro Minstrels. All about the business. The New Jolly Jester. Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. Large Illustrated Catalogue Free. T. S. DENISON, Publisher, 163 Randolph St., Chicago. w ^°* "bv' ^ ' ju r& / • ***^ * *' ^V>k> "^ c^ .'■ 0^ o^lf* ^O "*• % A* - •w \& >1* A> © •» • <$> rt^ » t,# * O * 8> .••*♦- ^ ^o* .* .4? <>c ^>^<^y.^>:-Zm- ^* w • ° 4^ * ^ *e l°o v^ .•,* HECKMAN BINDERY INC. Hfc JAN 85 N. MANCHESTER. S*' INDIANA 46962 ^o *• • » * A \> ' • • • ,