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 Published by FISHER & STEWART 
 
 Shady Avenue, East End. 
 
 1887. 
 
1 
 
fit) Essay 09 /T\ar>, 
 
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 With what we reckon trash. 
 
 POPE 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress in the year 1887. 
 
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 /In (Jssay 017 /T\an. 
 
 
 ^introduction.. 
 
 by, and man now pass 
 M onest Muse proposes ' gassing," 
 -iiice that vapor so profns. 
 ^ter if he choc 
 F stump or rostrum — fool or scholar— 
 
 puff it out for half a dollar, 
 why not she, my Muse, at pleasure, 
 out the same by metre measui 
 Lgh metres have men's eyes astonn 
 eing bills on them compound* 
 my Muse, she brims with knowi* 
 
 -■■ I through Female i 
 no silly quirks or qna\ 1 
 h of the " dudish" maiden sa\ 
 I bile Minerva taught, she listened, 
 
 ich pearl of wisdom glistened, 
 land she'd grasp the trink 
 Ive and drink it. 
 
f\T) Essay 09 /nai). 
 
 m & » % e ^ • 8 
 
 PROL< 
 
 d empty cb 
 I'm not in league with long 
 I have no liege lord when I worry, 
 With hopes some day to kindly bu 
 But for the good of all who hear m 
 With confidence that right will clea 
 1 take the clay which nature form 
 And into life, by breathing, warm 
 To show him where his course is t< 
 And point him to a better ending 
 For now the puffed up silly create 
 Unlil pt in feat- 
 
 Denies his God, with orat. 
 money first, and then fo^ 
 
 THE TONG1 
 
 >f all man's parts the ton- 
 It droppeth poison while he smileth : 
 It shuns good language, love 
 But that, perhaps, it got from Bab 
 Therefore that all may comprehend ; 
 
 h jargon , I've had some one K 
 Although I know not what m 
 let fall 1) 
 
 it means a seat in 
 which a few, near by, hav 
 -tars and gartei 
 
M ^5Say 09 /T\ai?- 
 
 v v., M M. &% J* J»% 32ft i\"i 
 -„>> -/,>= =»S? W? -">- %■ ** '">" 
 
 THE Ml 
 
 " In 
 
 e, wise men sporte 
 are, and jesters jolly : 
 re tools, by golly. 
 
 •els of funny men 1 ? I are quoti 
 oted. 
 in a shhu 
 ,vith rhetoric mingle, 
 
 an, hush, or rather 'CI 
 It on't do to squeeze it,' 
 
 for it surely ' Played 
 niug to young lad 
 
 THE EAR. 
 
 men is daily failing, 
 - his art bewailing 
 
 nse harped and sin 
 . uile still they young a 
 n march and dam 
 ; and love-lit glan 
 ound while ' Shoo Fly' thrum 
 1 irch while 'Dixie' drumm 
 still is lying 
 
 ght worth bu> 
 h, Spirit i 
 1 for one moment hear it ? 
 »ped your ears in 
 
 4 
 
f\y Essay 09 /T\ai?. 
 
 Still hoping for a better morrow ? 
 
 ■1 11 never-more be gladdened, 
 For hotch-potch songs man's ears have mad 
 
 THE VA 
 
 " The eye, as well as ear is lacking 
 In fine perception, 'tis from its backing, 
 A cartoon now a masterpiece is, 
 And Raphaelistic art decrease 
 If Hogarth's pictures — in suppression 
 Could be in every one's possession, 
 but the dimes, to please the milli< 
 te would open a pavilion, 
 And in his window, just for laughl 
 Hang side by side 'Before and After.' 
 
 , how sad to be a painter 
 With prospects daily growing fainter. 
 
 will have to paint on hoi- 
 To purchase patches for his trouse 
 And if a female, 'tis much sadder, 
 he can't paint upon a ladder. 
 Poor Art, I fear will lose her 
 Unless she hides her, for a season 
 In some unthought of deep seclusion 
 Until man wakes from his delusion.'' 
 
 THE EYE AND EAR. 
 
 " Tl n*d ear love entert; 
 
 since they've had so much d 
 
 5 
 
f\T) Essay 09 War?. 
 
 ait and tear it ; 
 bout and bell< 
 
 :i clap-tra 
 
 waddle 
 still forward bend 
 s and brea 
 vhieh like the moi 
 r which sways th< 
 
 Lrds, with bab 
 join in shoul 
 
 ;;] than poor Tarn O'Shant 
 t'ward home did 
 as others see us, 
 irselves t 
 
 THE HEART, 
 human heart ' is what's the matt 
 ! mean t 
 mkerous, rotten, 
 dl forgotten, 
 
 ' the cloth,' — the | 
 reature, 
 lfish lust 
 uen dust- 
 wear to hide old rain 
 gain a paym< 
 
 6 
 
/3r? Essay 09 (flag. 
 
 .M, ,<-«. fife *•', ;\"- S!& £& >"'i 
 
 *5e %? -.,-- v,.- '..>• ■* w w 
 
 Lich frauds hi 
 nd themselves completely busl 
 
 THE PR] 
 
 "The Press, I mean religious pap 
 not exempt from worldly capers ; 
 They humbugs advertise for mon 
 And then advise with words of k 
 Would have their readers think them teachers, 
 While they're but money-grabbin 
 The secular I need not mention, 
 
 I • soul make no pretention : 
 i if they did their words would damn 
 They're full of filth as type can cram 'em." 
 
 THE HOySE OF GOD 
 
 " The churches now are marts for trafl 
 Since money is the great specific— 
 
 ere, though Christ drove out tli 
 it'll find young women, sv. 
 
 imcs of chance, with bags of swu 
 id matches which eruptions kind: 
 ; the Lord's day some are pay 
 the privilege of prayin 
 not to pray, for priests di in, 
 
 To Him, God don't expect th 
 
 times fear. Christ at His coining 
 I find Pagoda worship booming. 
 
fit) ^SSay 09 (i\ aT)t 
 
 w B 
 
 J wh «e man is born 
 
 ^•'He's mad e tomourn ., 
 
 «a=sHS« 
 
f\t) Essay 09 (T\ar;. 
 
 'j ^ i& -% t& & 
 
 bring two hands well skill 
 heir pompous, ha 
 11 her friendly for 
 urt, where they perform d 
 1 she may live a happy creatn 
 : prove herself a valued teaelu 
 May have her husband's heart com] 
 And pass her hours of labor sweetly. 
 
 In good old times, before for faslr 
 The female mind conceived til ti : 
 
 The woman was, as God intern 
 An helpmeet, and her lov 
 Throughout her life, but now hen 
 3 will spend the last ] 
 ] when 'tis gone — the curtain 
 Hides scenes to modesty appal' 
 PRESCRIPTS 
 Ml evils are, and have existem 
 use the mass make no resistan 
 The simple for their healiui 
 
 Just turn to honest, manly de 
 Throw off the mask, the stolen 
 Which hides the stinging, hiss 
 And own all men to be your broth,. 
 And spurn to take what is ano 
 Live as you can, not as you would, 
 Don't pride you on your ' bluish bl 
 When this is done,, and comfort's 
 
fit) Essay 09 (l\at). 
 
 t rogues as drones in hives are tre 
 And own that God has all created. 
 Th ell as king instated ; 
 
 ry man is worth his hire, 
 Though he be clad in mean attire ; 
 Be honest, let me say once more, 
 And drive dissembling from your doi 
 
 MORAL. 
 
 bail's days are few, and full of son 
 by a moment's trouble borrow^ 
 he smiles like summer ro 
 the grave his form incloses ; 
 To-day he has a chance of heaven, 
 To-morrow saved, or unforgiven. 
 Then take no chances on your winniti 
 By just a little hidden sinning." 
 
 P. S. 
 
 1 This is a box of shoes, of leather ; 
 lited for all sorts of weather ; 
 And those who choose may freely wear 'em, 
 And if they pinch, just grin and bear 'em 
 The pair I wear is my selection, 
 To which sometimes I have objection ; 
 But well I know I need reminders, 
 Though fleshly weakness never liintK 
 If what I have in love indited, 
 
 your good, your mind excited ; 
 
f\[) Essay 09 (\\ai). 
 
 ~«r '/.o ■*;$ 
 
 on Fame 
 I ■ 'U grim \ 
 
 pish soldiers turned to 
 shut down to paupei 
 On woman— bless her — pui 
 
 hand-in-hand with man f< 
 
 My Muse, like all who lives by I 
 
 ■ her piece and gone out walk 
 And if as "Agent" I must 
 1 hope I never more may - 
 
 there as cash sup] 
 But dead-heads flocked, and pr 
 thick as bees round cider 
 And of the lecture made 1 
 
 to the public 'tis submit; 
 To judge if she has wrong commit! 
 - she said — and spok< 
 which I give her credit du1 
 Mirselves as others 
 rce believe oursel 
 Yours, etc., 
 
 J- v- 
 
piT) ^ssay 09 mai?- 
 
 Fisher & Stewart, 
 
 Printers^ 
 
 /{as/ End, Pittsburgh. Pa. 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS