PS 635 
 .29 
 W783 
 Copy 1 
 
 I 
 
 A 
 
 SUFFRAGE 
 
 RUMMAGE 
 
 SALE 
 
 Five cents a copy 
 Six cents postpaid 
 
 J 
 
 Dramatic representations of "A Suffrage 
 Rummage Sale" cannot be given without 
 the permission of the author, Miss Mary 
 Winsor, Haverford P. O., Pa. $1.00 fee is 
 charged for one production (including four 
 printed copies of "A Suffrage Rummage 
 Sale," and one typewritten copy of "The 
 Auctioneer's Speech.)" The former may 
 be kept but The Auctioneer's Speech must 
 be returned to Miss Winsor after the 
 performance. 
 
©CI,D 32276 
 
 TWP*52 
 
 -007659 
 

 A Suffrage Rummage Sale 
 
 To BE Sold at Public Auction : 
 
 A choice lot of prejudices, superstitions, 
 fallen idols, curios, second hand costumes, 
 worn-out ideals, cast-off toys, antique furni- 
 ture and Anti-quated notions. 
 
 Articles to be auctioned : 
 
 An image of Buddha, a Turkish flag, a 
 pair of Chinese shoes or an Oriental veil, a 
 screen, a spinning wheel, home-made pre- 
 serves or fancy work, a set of china, a suit of 
 armor, a shillalah or big stick, and a vacuum 
 cleaner. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 Some Practical Suggestions 
 
 All the articles sold at the auction should be 
 donated. Business firms and department stores are 
 generally willing to donate if promised that their 
 names will appear on the Program as having contrib- 
 uted the goods. As the public may not realize that 
 this is to be a bona-fide auction, it is wise to enclose 
 in each invitation the Program with a list of the 
 articles for sale. At the time of the auction the 
 articles to be sold should be put on exhibition in a 
 conspicuous part of the theatre and the aids or ushers 
 be instructed to exhibit the articles. When the sale 
 is about to begin, they should be arranged on the 
 stage in the proper sequence for the auctioneer to take 
 them up in order. As each is sold it should be 
 handed over the footlights by the auctioneer so as to 
 leave the stage clear for the entrance of Mrs. Grundy, 
 etc, A certain article should be agreed upon as Mrs. 
 Grundy's cue, and she should enter after that article 
 has been auctioned off. 
 
THE AUCTION INTERRUPTED 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONAE: (In the order of their 
 appearance.) 
 
 The Auctioneer 
 Mrs. Grundy 
 Mrs. Partington 
 The Mad Hatter 
 
 SCENE. 
 {There is a small table in the centime of the stage. 
 One chair to left of stage — one to right, but iione ?iear the 
 table. The Auctio7ieer is finishing the last sale.) 
 
 Enter Mrs. Grundy {Right) 
 
 {She is a small, ''weli-preserved''' woman, with ringlets 
 and rosy cheeks, rather tightly laced, wears a gaily colored 
 poke bonnet with a wreath of roses under the brim, crinoline, 
 lace shawl, white stockings with black slippers, lace mitts, and 
 with fan dangling from her waist. Her manner is mincing, 
 honeyed, patronizing , very determined and dictatorial, occa- 
 sionally spiteful. She is quite aware of her own importance. ) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy. — {Right Ce7itre.) I am here to 
 register a protest against the modern point of view. 
 It is an outrageous assault on womanhood. Let those 
 of us who belong to the privileged classes be content 
 with our privileges and not join in this vulgar clamor 
 
 3 
 
for "rights." We must never forget that 7na7i is man 
 and woman is ivoman. Ah! let us leave woman where 
 Heaven has placed her — on a pedestal! Don't let us 
 drag her down into the mire. I am scandalized at the 
 indecorum of the present day, — especially the bold 
 young girls of the present day, who demand a college 
 education just as if they were men, and some of them 
 actually want to earn their living in horrid masculine 
 ways — typewriters, or doctors, or lawyers, or farmers, 
 or gardeners. Why, in my time, if a girl did not 
 marry she was quite content to stay at home and do a 
 little sewing in a state of genteel starvation. That 
 was the proper thing for a well-bred woman. 
 
 Auctioneer : Is this Mrs. Grundy ? 
 {^Mrs. Grundy curtsies?) 
 
 Auctioneer : {^Advance?) {To the Audie^ice .) 
 Ladies and gentleman, this is the celebrated Mrs. 
 Grundy — the arbiter of fashion — the mould of form — 
 the guardian of propriety. {Crosses to Airs. G., lays 
 a hand on her arm confidingly) Mrs. Grundy, are you 
 a Suffragist? 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: I — a Suffragist? {Auctioneer 
 quickly retreats.) Oh, no indeed. How could I be 
 anything so promiscuous ? Why if I could vote, my 
 cook could vote, and I might meet my cook at the 
 polls. How vulgar! Suffragist? No, no! 
 
 Auctioneer : Then may I ask what are you 
 doing here? 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : I have come here to protest 
 against the brazen woman who makes herself conspic- 
 uous on a public platform. May I have the doubtful 
 pleasure of saying a few words of rebuke to the un- 
 manly men and unwomanly women whom I see 
 before me? 
 
 4 
 
Auctioneer : Certainly, our platform is always 
 open to Anti-suffragists, for we believe in free speech. 
 
 {Back centre.) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : {Advancing to the front of the 
 platform centre, looking penetratingly at the audience 
 with a winning smile.) Do you ladies really think 
 you need the vote ? Look at me. I have never had 
 the vote, and yet I ask you, doesn't Mrs. Grundy rule 
 the world? I am sure there are a great many persons 
 who would like to come out openly for woman suf- 
 frage, but they don't dare! Why? They are afraid 
 of me. I am proud to think that my influence is 
 keeping millions of women in their proper sphere. 
 
 {Back to left as Airs. Partington enters.) 
 
 Enter Mas. Partington {Right) — with a large broom. 
 
 [She is tally gaunt, respectable, middle-aged, muscular, 
 belligerent, with a gruff voice and determined manner. Cos- 
 tume — that of a scrub woman.) 
 
 Mrs. Partington: {Cejitre.) {To the audie^ice.) 
 
 The Woman Movement must be stopped! 
 
 I'm here to stop it. 
 And Woman Suffrage must be dropped — 
 
 I tell you, DROP IT! 
 Though like the sea you fume and fret 
 With my good broom, I'll stem you yet. 
 
 {Looks arotuid the audie?ice — Sweeps — ) 
 Fie on your brazen faces — 
 You suffragettes may fume and frown, 
 But if you rise, I'll put you down 
 And keep you in your places. 
 
 {Braiidishes the broom,.) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Crosses to Mrs. P.) Dear Mrs. 
 
 Partington, I am glad to meet such a womanly 
 
 woman. In this violent age of unsexed females it is 
 
 5 
 
a pleasure to see a gentle creature like yourself who 
 believes in quiet lady-like methods. 
 
 Auctioneer: Ladies, really the rummage sale 
 must go on. {^Centre between them.') If you insist on 
 remaining, I shall have to auction you off as curios. 
 
 {Seizing the auctioneer' s hammer from the table.) 
 
 {Front.) We have for sale two very valuable 
 pieces of antique furniture — slightly shop-worn and 
 somewhat moth-eaten, to be sold to-day at greatly 
 reduced prices. 
 
 {From behind the right scenes are heard shouts.) 
 
 I protest! Shame! Stop! Stop! 
 
 {Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Parting to7i look alarmed 
 and withdraw to one side, back to left.) 
 
 Auctioneer : Oh ! What is that ? Did any one 
 speak ? 
 
 Enter Mad Hatter — {Costume as described in Alice 
 in Wonderland.) 
 
 Mad Hatter: {Rushing on the stage.) Yes, I 
 spoke, and I intend to go on speaking. It's my 
 business to speak and women should listen respect- 
 fully. W^oman's place is in the Home. She should 
 stay there and attend to her children. Her domestic 
 duties should occupy her entire attention. No matter 
 what calamities befall the nation, like Werther's 
 Charlotte she should go on cutting bread and butter. 
 
 Auctioneer : Is that a slice of bread and butter 
 I see in your hand? 
 
 Mad Hatter : Yes; and it's the best butter. 
 
 Auctioneer: {To audience .) Ladies and gentle- 
 men, permit me to introduce that celebrated character — 
 the Mad Hatter. 
 
 Mad Hatter : ( Tosses the bread and butter into 
 6 
 
wings, takes off hat, makes low bow.) {Oratorically .) 
 I have come here this afternoon to represent the silent 
 woman. 
 
 Auctioneer : The silent woman? I don't know 
 the lady. 
 
 Mad Hatter: {Vociferating.) Of course, you 
 don't know her— none of your friends are silent. 
 Suffragettes talk all the time. I represent women 
 like Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Partington— the quiet 
 stay-at-home kind that never appear in public. 
 
 Auctioneer : They seem to be here, and this is 
 a public meeting. 
 
 Mad Hatter : {Not paying the slightest attention.) 
 There is nothing so horrid, so disheartening to a 
 manly man Uke me as th£ sight of a female on a pub- 
 lic platform. Shocking! Real women are domestic, 
 demure and reticent. As for speaking in public, Mrs. 
 Grundy and Mrs. Partington would rather die than do 
 such a brazen deed. 
 
 Auctioneer : Mrs. Grundy and Mrs. Partington 
 are both present. {Mad Hatter much embarrassed 
 crosses Right.) {Mrs. G. and Mrs. P. look displeased 
 and haughty.) And both ladies have put aside their 
 reticence and favored us with a speech. 
 
 Mad Hatter : They had to do it. Their sense 
 of duty compelled them to speak. The Anti's are 
 obliged to talk all the time in order to keep the other 
 women quiet. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Mrs. G. and Mrs. P. bow and 
 smile, cross Right to Mad Hatter.) The Anti-suf- 
 fragists are like Thomas Carlyle— we preach the vir- 
 tues of silence — in forty volumes. 
 
 Mrs. Partington : We do not wish to appear in 
 7 
 
public. I speak for all good housekeepers when I say 
 we would rather remain in the Home. 
 
 Mad Hatter : The Anti-suffragist never leaves 
 her home. She never goes to the theatre, or the 
 opera, or concerts, or lectures, or bridge-whist parties. 
 No, never! Nor luncheons, nor dinners, nor suppers, 
 nor teas, nor bargain counters, nor white goods sales. 
 She remains in the Home hermetically sealed there 
 like a fly in amber. 
 
 Mrs. Partington : {^Fanning herself with her 
 broom?) {In a sepulchral tone .) Woman's place is in 
 the Home. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy, Mrs. Partington and Mad 
 Hatter in chorus : Forever in the Home. 
 
 Auctioneer : Then all the hundreds and thou- 
 sands of women whom we meet in the theatres, the 
 opera, the department stores, the railroad stations, the 
 streets and the churches — are they all Suffragists? 
 
 Mad Hatter : Every one of them. 
 
 Auctioneer : How the cause is growing! {drosses 
 Right to Mad Hatter, very close to him, looking into his 
 eyes?) Don't you think that all nations will soon 
 grant their women the franchise ? 
 
 Mad Hatter: If Woman Suffrage were adopted, 
 it would bring about — it would bring about — the 
 down-fall of civilization. {Auctioneer backs toward lejt, 
 Mad Hatter follozas,) It would take us— it would take 
 us — straight back to the caves of our primeval an- 
 cestors. {Auctioneer backs to a chair, Left, falls into it 
 exhausted?) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Right.) {Loftily.) I would 
 have you know ??ty ancestors were too aristocratic to 
 live in caves The very first one of them was born in 
 a palace. That's why I don't want the ballot. Women 
 
of wealth and social position can get along very com- 
 fortably without it. I don't want it myself, and I 
 don't intend other women to have it. 
 
 Mrs. Partington: {Centre.) No good house- 
 keeper wants it. I would rather scrub the floors for- 
 ever than undertake the heavy and burdensome task 
 of voting once a year. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : Mrs. Partington, you are the 
 greatest living authority on house-cleaning, and I 
 would like to inquire, do you approve of this nasty 
 new-fangled Vacuum Cleaner? 
 
 Mrs. Partington : No, madam. Like Nature, 
 I abhor a vacuum. With my broom I scour the seas 
 and sweep away modern inventions. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : The restless women who want to 
 gad abroad claim that a Vacuum Cleaner would save 
 them time and trouble. 
 
 Mad Hatter: {Left.) A mere pretext to escape 
 their Home duties. What's their time worth ? I agree 
 with the farmer who was asked to buy an incubator 
 because it would save the hens so much trouble. 
 "Pshaw!" said the farmer, "what's a hen's time worth 
 anyhow?" That's what I say about the women. Let 
 them go on toiling and moiling — scrubbing and sweep- 
 ing — in the good old-fashioned way. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Approvingly.) As their great- 
 grandmothers did before them. 
 
 Mrs. Partington : We want no change. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : We need no vote. 
 
 Mrs. Partington : We have all the rights we 
 want. 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : With the immortal poet, Alex- 
 ander Pope, we say, "Whatever is, is right." Con- 
 servatism—that is the key-note of the Anti-suffrage 
 movement. 
 
 9 
 
Mrs. Partington : But it is not a movement. 
 It is a concerted and organized effort to stop move- 
 ments — to sweep back movements. {Sweeps furiously .) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Right.) Our mission is to make 
 these restless, modern women cultivate repose of 
 manner and true decorum — to teach them how to say, 
 "Prunes and Prisms" — how to sit — {Sits) — and 
 how to rise gracefully — {Rises) — how to receive a 
 gentleman visitor — {Greets the Mad Hatter who skips 
 across the stage to bow and scrape before her) — how to 
 tread a minuet — {Dances a few steps with the Mad 
 Hatter as partner) — {Mrs. Partington beats time with 
 her broom) — how to manage a fan bewitchingly and 
 how to attract men — That is more important than to 
 vote. And of course, no woman can do both. {Co- 
 quettes with antiquated graces.) 
 
 { The Mad Hatter becomes very gallant. Takes her 
 hand^ slips his arm, around her waist a?id chucks her 
 gently under the chin. Mrs. Partiyigton shows signs of 
 impatience and disapproval. ) 
 
 Mrs. Grundy : But we old-fashioned women 
 know how to repel a forward suitor whose attentions 
 are too pressing. {Repulses the Mad Hatter, who falls 
 on the floor. Mrs. Partington comes forward clearing 
 her throat. { Centre fro7it. ) 
 
 Mad Hattkr : {From the floor.) One of the 
 "silent women" wishes to speak again. 
 
 Mrs. Partington : Man is always Woman's 
 superior. No matter what position he occupies, 
 Woman should look up to Man and treat him respect- 
 fully. {Plants her foot firmly on the prostrate form of 
 the Mad Hatter.) Women can not vote because they 
 can not fight. 
 
 Mad Hattkr : {Jumping to his feet and almost 
 upsetting Mrs. P.) Can not fight? But what about 
 
 10 
 
Mollie Pitcher in the Revolutionary War, who manned 
 her husband's gun? 
 
 Mrs. Partington: {Angrily.) Women can not 
 fight. 
 
 Mad Hatter : Well, of course, ladies, I am an 
 Anti-suffragist. In my capacity of Mad Hatter {rolls 
 his eyes and laps his forehead) I couldn't be anything 
 else ; but I must take exception to the physical force 
 argument. {To Mrs. Grundy.) Think of the Maid 
 of Saragossa ! Think of Joan of Arc ! Think of 
 Boadicea and the Amazons! Just think! 
 
 Mrs. Grundy: {Wilh intense concentration.) I 
 won't think! And you can't make me think! If I 
 thought, I wouldn't be an Anti-suffragist. But I 
 know that Woman's place is not on the battle-field. 
 
 Mad Hatter : What about Clara Barton and 
 Florence Nightingale? 
 
 Mrs. Partington: {Threate?ii?ig him with her 
 broom.) women can not fight! We are too weak, 
 I tell you! (Mad Hatter: Weak? Ha! Ha!) 
 Woman's strength is her weakness. We are miserable 
 timid things. We are not strong enough to force our 
 way to the polls. {Chases him arou?id the table.) 
 We can't defend our vote. Ballots and bullets go 
 together. I am a poor, weak woman, and I need 
 protection. How dare you say that women can fight ? 
 It is a libel on the sex. Women can not vote because 
 they can not fight. {Beats him with her broom.) I am 
 now using the physical force argument. 
 
 Mad Hatter : Yes, madam, I feel the force of 
 your arguments. I assure you that they make a deep 
 impression on me. {Rubbing his shoulder. Gets the 
 broom away from her. Holding up the broom ^ With 
 this domestic implement you have conquered me. 
 {Front.) {Apostrophizing the broom.) Ah, broom! 
 
FEB 10 1913 
 
 Symbol of Domesticity ! How well you grace a 
 woman's frail and trembling hand! {Mrs. Partington 
 shakes her fist at hini.^ How much better you look 
 clutched in the female paw than that monstrosity, the 
 ballot! Ah! Ladies, promise me that your lily-white 
 fingers will never be contaminated by sordid contact 
 with politics. {Murmurs of " We promise'' from Mrs. 
 Partington and Mrs. Grmtdy.) {In a sermonizitig 
 voice to the Auctioneer.) If the housewives of this city, 
 instead of clamoring for that vain bauble, the ballot, 
 would only grasp the broom and go out into the 
 streets and sweep, and sweep, like our friend, Mrs. 
 Partington, how soon the streets would be nice and 
 clean, in spite of politics and politicians. 
 
 Auctioneer: {Taki?ig the centre of the stage.') 
 Suffragists think the vote in the hands of women 
 would be a broom with which we could make a clean 
 sweep — not only of the streets, but of all unclean 
 things. Therefore, the last thing I have to offer you 
 to-day is the most precious of all — the ballot. {Hold- 
 ing up a sample ballot.) Look on it with hope, for 
 Heaven willing, it will soon be yours. Look on it 
 with reverence, for it is the symbol of power. When 
 it comes to you, may you use it well; but before it 
 will come to you, you must be willing to bid for it, 
 and bid high. Not only money must you bid, but 
 courage, and devotion, and self-sacrifice. You must 
 be ready to contribute your youth, your charm, your 
 ability, your name, your personality and your heart. 
 And I will ask those who are ready to lay this great 
 price on the altar of their country to give their assent 
 by a rising vote. 
 
 12 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 III 
 
 015 793 212 3