E 
 
 S^5 
 
 THE 
 
 RECESSION OF THE UATS; 
 
 K FABLE TO SUIT THE TIMES. 
 
 Irandated frmn the Coptic, and roipectfully dedicatf'd 'o the Boys of the U. 
 
 BY A SOUTHERNER. 
 
 ^^ WASniN-pxTON^ 
 
 18()1-. 
 
Glass EAS"? 
 
 Book 'S ^3 
 
THE 
 
 SECESSION OE THE RATS; 
 
 A FABLE TO SUIT THE TIMES. 
 
 Iranslated from the Coptic^ and ntpectfidly dedicated to the Bot/s of the U. S. 
 
 BY A SOUTHERNER. 
 
 Of WASr 
 
 €4> WASHINGTON, 
 
 1861. 
 
Entered acconlinp: to Act of Congress, this 8th day of February, 1861, by F. H. Sage, 
 as publisher, in the Clerk's UtHce of the District Court of the District of Columbia. 
 
 
 •s 
 
THE SECESSION OF RATS. 
 
 About the time of^ yEsop, when animtils are supposed to have 
 possessed a great deal more intelligence than they do at present, 
 a number oF rats having been sorely harassed and annoyed by 
 their old enemy Grrimalkin, resolved upon coaftderatiwi for mu- 
 tual defence. Accordingly, about tlurfii-thrce of them having 
 met in convention, did, after mature deliberation, enter into a 
 compact, by which they bound themselves to act in concert in 
 all matters involving the welfare of their little commonwcaltli. 
 The instrument in which this compact was recorded, ^T^ls duly 
 ratified by the signatures of the members present, and rtn-eived 
 the name of the ConstUvtion of the, Eats. It was then solemnized 
 by the oaths of the parties, taken in proper form, by virtue of 
 ■ which they bound themselves to preserve their Constitution in- 
 violate, even at the expense of blood. The government thus 
 formed was to go into immediate operation; and experience 
 proved it to work most admirably. The rats flourished and grew 
 fat under the influence (^f its benign provisions. r)nce or twice 
 indeed, Grimalkin made assaults Tipon their serried ranks, but 
 met with such savage biting and scratching, as convinced him it 
 was.worse than folly to attemi)t it again. To tell the truth, I 
 am afraid they were getting a little too |)roud, boastful, and 
 saucy ; for whenever they saw their old enemy lurking about, 
 they would throw themselves into a solid phalanx, stroke their 
 whiskers, look contemptuously, and make mouths at 1dm, as 
 much as to say, " Come, old bully, we are ready for you." Things 
 went on smoothly for some time; but at length events occurred 
 which proved that some rats have their idiosyncracies, as well as 
 human beings. In the ranks of the confederates there happened 
 to be a Utile rat, who was of a most dissatisfied and restless (lis- 
 position, and was always peering about for something at which 
 te take offence. On a certain occasion, this self-im})ortant per- 
 sonage started out on a pleasure excursion ton neighl)oring gar- 
 ret. There, to his astonishment, he discovered a beautiful h(Mise 
 made of wire, of convenient dimensions, and painted in the most 
 
tasteful manner. He walked around it, and examined its pro- 
 portions with infinite satisfaction. He very soon came to the 
 conclusion that it was the work of some benevolent individual, 
 and evidently, from the size of the door and the internal arrange- 
 ments, intended as a domicil for rats. But what chiefly excited 
 his admiration, was a large lump of toasted cheese lying in the 
 middle of the apartment. The odor of it was truly delicious, 
 and, by a natural sequence, affected his stomach, and through 
 hrs stomach reached his imagination. Immediately visions of 
 huge lumps of toasted cheese, of individual rights, of future pros- 
 perity, of a new confederacy, of which he would be the head, 
 floated through his mind with the rapidity of lightning. "Zooks !" 
 said he at length, " but everything looks tempting here. I have 
 a notion to walk in and take a cold cut, while nobody is about." 
 And suiting the action to the word, he was about advancing to 
 the door, when, fortunately, conscience interposed with her ad- 
 monitions, and brought before him the memory of his oath — not 
 to take independent action without the consent of the Federal 
 powers. Here was a dilemma ; conscience on one side, toasted 
 cheese on the otlier. The scales were so nearly balanced there 
 is no telling what the result would have been, had not mother 
 wit come to his relief " I will .secede," quoth he, after ponder- 
 ing the matter maturely for about tliirty seconds. " I'll secede ; 
 that's the word ! But tlien I must have a pretext for it, and not 
 wound my conscience." This our little friend was not long in 
 finding, as the secjuel shows. It so happened that among the 
 confederates there was a long gaunt rat, with black whiskers, so 
 black as to be considered by many quite unbecoming. To him 
 our little friend had a strong antipathy, because of the com- 
 plexion of his whiskers ; or, as the phrase was in those days, be- 
 cause his whiskers were not of the right platform. Now, it so 
 happened, that the black whiskered gentleman was at this very 
 time a candidate for the chief ofiice of the confederacy, and the 
 election was actually to take place on the next day. 
 
 What, then, does our little rat do but proclaim forthwith, that 
 if the whiskered candidate should be elected, he would consider 
 it as a direct personal insult, and secede in due form. 
 
 Time rolled on, and in its revolution brought on startling 
 events. The very next day he of the black wliiskers was elected; 
 and before night came on with its dusky mantle, to cover the 
 dark deed, our little rat had seceded, and was safely domiciled 
 in his new home. Behold him nibbling at the lumps of cheese 
 with the gusto of a confirmed epicure. He nibbled and paused. 
 
5 
 
 and then nibbled again, until lie was enlarged very mucli beyond 
 liis usual dimensions. His repast Avas at length finished, but 
 still a large lump of the cheese remained. " Now for a nap," 
 said he ; and down he lies to enjoy a refreshing siesta. Tn the 
 mean time five of the confederates, particular friends to our little 
 hero, resolved to call on him, to learn how this doctrine of se- 
 cession worked when in full operation. They arrived just at the 
 moment when the little rat had awakened, and was in the act of 
 dressing his whiskers. " How fares it, friend," said one of the 
 new comers. "O valiantly; nothing to do but to eat and sleep. 
 Come in, come in; plenty for all of you. We'll have a glorious 
 time of it : we'll live like"^ kings here', with no cursed Constitution 
 nor Federal powers to grind us down — secession for ever ; hurra 
 for secession^ '' By my eai's," quoth the new comer, '' I have a 
 great notion to secede. What say you, friends, suppose we all 
 feave that old hulk of confedei'ation, where the substance has 
 been pinched out of us, and set up a f/rand little commonwealth 
 of our own." '' Agreed," cried one and all. "Hold on a little, 
 friend; suspend your operations on the cheese, until we run in 
 hot haste and proclaim the act of secession, and we will be witli 
 you in a trice." Off they start, and in a twinkling they are back 
 again, having seceded in what they considered the most ap- 
 proved and orthodox style. They enter one after another, in 
 regular succession into the new domain, and without ceremony, 
 several of them, like real trencher- rats, fall aboard of the lumj) 
 of cheese. Two of them, however, only nibbled a little at the 
 corners of the lump; for the fact is, that just before leaving the 
 confederacy, they had paid a short visit to the pnhlic crib, and 
 had eaten the last grain of corn it contained ; in consequence 
 whereof their skins were now fall to repletion, and the lew mor- 
 sels they now ate were not taken to satisfy hunger, but mainly 
 in compliment to their hospitable entertainer. In due time the 
 repast was finished, and also the cheese. " This is glory enough 
 for one day," said the little rat. "Yes," responded another, 
 "glory and' and toasted cheese for ever, say I; and now three 
 cheers for secession." The cheers were given with a will. 
 "Come now, friends," quoth one, "let us deliberate upon mat- 
 ters and things in general." " No deliberations on full stom- 
 achs," remarked a big rat, with a full, round belly. Sleej) first 
 and talk afterwards; that's my maxim." "That's sound doc- 
 trine," cried they, " and we'll act on it;" and stretching them- 
 selves out, they "^slept as only rats can sleej). At the crack of 
 day they were up and astir, with appetites as keen as if they had 
 
6 
 
 fasted for a week. " Hello, my little friend," cries the big bel- 
 lied individual, " what's the condition of your larder ?" " Our 
 larder is empty.'" re})lies the little rat ; "all eaten up last night." 
 " Shocking !" cry one and all. " Provisions out already, and no 
 way t(j replenish the larder ; shocking 1 shocking ! all gone at 
 one meal ; no glory now but secession and empty bellies ; shock- 
 ing! "This sort uf glory won't suit me," says one. "It won't 
 me," says the big-l)ellied rat. ''Come, come," rejoined the little 
 rat, "cheer up, cheer up; we have had a glorious Irolic of it, and 
 now, as the cheese has run short, why Ave will just go back and 
 join the coufederacy again." " Maybe they won't take us in," 
 rejoim^ the big-bellied rat, dolefully. " Not take us in ? I 
 w^JJriike to see them at that game." " If they refuse, we will 
 cmwf^ them, ^^ said the little rat, bristling up and looking fierce. 
 As they n<jw all found themselves in a bad box, they came to 
 the unanimous conclusion to return, and endeavor to make their 
 peace with the Confederation ; and the little rat, who was the 
 author of their present ti-ouble, was appointed to lead the way. 
 Ofi'he starts towards the door; but, O! dreadful to relate — that 
 door, smooth and ]jolished, and of easy access from without, was 
 found bristling with sharp-pointed wires within, whi(;h thi-eat- 
 oned to im})ale anv one wlio should ap])roach it. One tried to 
 force his way, and then another; vain was the eftbrt. All ho])e 
 now deserted them, and consternation came in its stead. The 
 door ol' relief was closed, and famine stared them full in the 
 face. Nothing Init a miracle could relieve them, and no miracle 
 was ]"»erformed. To aggravate their sulferings, dissentions sprung 
 up, and they fought and tore one another. The little rat, being 
 the iirst secessionist, Avas also the first victim. Soon they were 
 all slaughtered but the big bellied rat, who, from having a fund 
 of nourishment within him, seemed to })Ossess a greater tenacity 
 of life, and lingered on for several days. At length the King of 
 Ter]"ors approached and grap})led him. The struggle was long 
 and fearful, but tlesh and blood had to yield. In his dying ago- 
 nies, the last words he uttered were, " for one mort pull at the 
 pnhlic crib r " The ruling passion strong in death." Thus ended 
 the secession of the rats. 
 
 MOKAL. 
 
 This fable teaches us two important lessons : 1st, That rats, al- 
 though they have /o?//- legs, have no moj-e sense than men Avho 
 have only two. 2d, ''I'hat rats, as well as men, before they get 
 into trouble, should wisely consider how they are to get out of it. 
 
KoTE BY THE Traxslatoe. — The term " little ml'' so often 
 used in this fable, is not a literal translation of the original, and 
 the reason why I have departed from the author in this particu- 
 lar, needs some explanation. The reader must he informed that 
 the little rat and his co-secessionists were not the natives of the 
 country, but came originally from the remote province of Di- 
 yeh-Moch. They were inferior in size to the other members of 
 the Confederacy, and were also distinguished lor having sharp 
 muzzles, small heads, and for being extremely ra])acioiis in their 
 habits. Owing to their diminutive proportions, they enjoyed 
 many advantages over the more bulky confederates. If, for 
 example, there was so much as a small knot-hole in the pub|^ 
 crib, they could enter freely and regale themselves, while the 
 natives, poor devils, had to remain on the outside, and be 
 content with licking their own chops. This, too, in the very 
 face of a clause in the Bill of Rights, which expressly declares 
 that all rats are born of equal size^ and were entitled to certain 
 inalienable privileges, &c. A word, now, as to the term little 
 rat. I might, it is true, have called him the rat of Di-yeh-Moch, 
 or Dey-Moch, as it would be pronounced in our language, but 
 this was objectionable on account of unnecessary circumlocution. 
 One alternative remained, which was to put the Dey-Moch be- 
 fore the rat, and said Dey-Moch rat, as in the original ; but I 
 considered this as likely to be offensive to a large party in our 
 country, who have been pleased to designate themselves by a 
 term which, though different in orthography, is almost identical 
 in sound. Nothing was left me, then, but to substitute the 
 phrase " little rat," which is done, as I trust, without in the least 
 impairing the interest of the fable. 
 
 It is my opinion that the complexion of the gaunt rafs whis- 
 kers can be assigned as only the colorable ground of secession. 
 The real cause was of far greater magnitude. There had been for 
 several years a small knot-hole in the 2>ublic crib, through which, 
 by the aid of the little rat and his compeers, the corn had disap- 
 peared so rapidly as absolutely to threaten the land with famine. 
 Now it was intimated that the gaunt rat would, as soon as inau- 
 gurated, plug u]) this dangerous orifice, and in future distribute 
 the " corn" equally through the door, which was the only legiti- 
 mate channel. It was the dread of this that produced the great 
 secession. In making an application of this fable to human affairs, 
 I arrive at the conclusion that, although it may take giants to 
 construct a government, it requires only pigmies to pull it down. 
 

 
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