.cs:^;;^ FOREST ACRES Price, 35 Cents I WALTER H. BAKER COMPANY BOSTON 5 4 kJ!k,.A. ^k. AiA^^^^M^A^A^A ija^ ^A^ A:;A jrfiua kA^A^^ ik^aK.:^^^ Plays for Colleges ; and High Schools w « Males Females Time Pr/(« RofaUi > 12 4 I>^ hrs» 35c jJlO.CX) r > a 8 4 2 « 35c $5.00 Free i II 7 ^Vz «< 35c ^ The Colonel's Maid 6 3 2 «« 35c M [ Daddy 4 4 i>^ « 35c «« ^ \ The Deacon's Second Wife 6 6 2^ <4 35c Si 1^ > The District Attorney lO 6 2 M 35c Si The Dutch Detective 5 5 2 <« 35c «! I At the Sign of the Shooting Star lO 10 2 <« 35c «ci \ The Elopement of Ellen 4 3 2 « 35c (SI I Eng'iged by V/cdnesday 5 II «K <« 3SC *n ^ i The Chuzzler/itts, or Tom Pinch 15 6 2X « 35c M ) For One Night Only 5 4 2 ^ «« 35c *< \ % Let's Get Married 3 5 2 (4 60c 1 10.00 \ London Assurance 10 3 2 « 25c Free Lost a Chaperon 6 9 2 « 35c « A Foul Tip 7 3 2 « 359 « \ The Man Who Went 7 3 2K « 35c $10.00 ^ The Man Without a Counin 46 5 I^ « 25c Free Master Pierre Patelij 4 I I>^ «« 60c 4« r J How Jim Made Good 7 3 2 «< 2se (J r Just Plain Mary 7 13 2 (1 35c «3 jT Line Busy 5 19 I>^ « 35c (8 r 5 Mr. Bob 3 4 I>^ « 25c e* fl^ Mrs. Briggs of the Poultry Yanl 4 7 2 ^ i| Sally Lunn 3 4 I>^ « 25c Free ^ The School for Scandal 12 4 ^% « 25c « f i She Stoops to Conquer 15 4 ^A « 25c « \ k Step Lively 4 10 2 M 35c " \ The Submarine Shell 7 4 2 <« 35c lio.oc f The Thirteenth Star 9 IJ^ «< 35c Free \ The Time of His Life 6 3 2^ « 35c ** L Tommy's Wife 3 5 I>^ « 35c M r The Twig of Thorn 6 7 I>^^ « I!^ " The Amazons 7 5 ^% (« 60c Jio.oc L The Conjurer 8 4 2X lj4 SEP I5IS2I NOTES ON CHARACTERS Lemuel Crockett, Mrs. Crockett, Hiram and Andy are typical New England farmer folks. Hiram to be a bashful, clumsy youth. Andy, if possible, to be a fat, good-natured, rather stupid " country Bumpkin." His movements and speech to be as grotesque as possible. Hepsy Crockett should be a pert, forward " smarty," with two " pigtails " hanging down her back. A girl about twelve years old. Elizabeth Crockett is a young lady about nineteen. A more cultured and refined type — a person who has made the most of her opportunities. Miss Ruggles is a sharp-tongued, sour-visaged spin- ster. "A typical school-ma'am," whose " bark, how- ever, is much worse than her bite." Jeffrey Brixley, Mrs. Brixley, Constance Loring, and Mr. Arthur are all typical, high-bred New Yorkers. Constance to be a girl of charming personality. If de- sired, Hiram may " double " for Brixley's part. Evelina is a rather silly young thing. Nora is a good-looking, capable Irish housemaid, with whom Evelina may " double " if desired. SCENERY For Acts I and III the room should be furnished as would any dining-room in an old-fashioned New England farmhouse. Old pictures on wall. Mantel shelf at one side containing various bits of old bric-a-brac, ink bottle, pen, blotter. Long dining table up r. with chairs scat- tered about. Rag rugs on fxoor. Old-fashioned rocker at one side. Cheap Victrola in corner. In Act III the refurnishing of the room may be as simple or as elabo- rate as desired. Besides the things mentioned in the text, the author suggests, among other things, a handsome 4 PROPERTIES sewing basket for Mrs. Crockett, a tea wagon, some decorative draperies, one or two lamps, and any other furnishings to make a room comfortable and attractive. For Act II room should be richly furnished as would befit the home of a wealthy man. Telephone on small table at one side. Papers and books scattered about on library table. Lamp on table. PROPERTIES For Act I. Small tin box, presumably holding papers. For Act II, Wheel chair and crutches for Jeffrey Brixley. Numerous suit boxes, hat boxes, large bun- dles, etc. Brand new steamer trunk. For Act III. Same trunk, boxes and bundles as in Act II. Suit case containing toilet articles for Miss LoRiNG. Suit, several dresses, hats, for Elizabeth. Silk dress for Mrs. Crockett. Gingham dress, slippers and hair ribbon for Hepsy. Two new rugs and various house furnishings as described elsewhere. Ladder, ham- mer, nails, some pictures. New graphaphone, with sev- eral records, one of which should be " What's the Mat- ter With Father— He's All Right." COSTUMES For Act I. Shabby clothes of the present time, suited to a summer in the country. For Act II. Modern, up-to-date, stylish clothes, such as people of wealth would wear. For Act III. Up-to-date, smart-looking clothes for Elizabeth, Mrs. Crockett and Hepsy. Constance and Mrs. Brixley mav make change of costume or not, as desired. Nora in conventional garb of maid. Forest Acres ACT I SCENE. — Dining-room in Lemuel Crockett*s farm- house. Table up c, dining-room chairs scattered about. Cupboard for dishes at wall back l. Two windows right wall flat. Old-fashioned sideboard be- tween. Door in rear wall, l., leading outdoors. Rag rug on floor. Everything generally shabby in appear- ance. Ancient pictures on wall. Cheap tin-panny victrola in one corner. Exits up r. and down l. (Curtain rises on empty stage. Enter Elizabeth, l., colored table-cloth of hideous pattern hanging over arm, holding great pile of dishes, table silver, etc. Comes to c, depositing dishes on chair with a loud noise. Acts as though very angry. Shakes out table-cloth with unnecessary force. Proceeds to set table, making great noise. Voice of Mrs. Crockett heard loudly calling off stage.) Mrs. Crockett. Lizziebeth, Lizziebeth! Elizabeth {moves to door holding some dishes in hand). Well, Mother, what is It now? Mrs. C. Come out here and help me with these clothes. Eliz. All right. I'll be right there. {Comes back to table with dishes. Exits through door, returning immediately with Mrs. C, the two carry- ing between them a clothes-basket with " wash,") 5 6 FOREST ACRES Mrs. C Land o' Liberty, but we suttinly did have some big wash this week. {They put down basket. Elizabeth returns to former task.) Thank goodness it was such a good drying day. I kin fold most o* them things right down now and get 'em ready fer sprinkHn'. (Sinks into rocker and fans self with hat.) Oh dear! Guess I ain't as young as I used to be. I declare wash day clean tuckers me all out. Eliz. (angry). Well, you oughtn't to have to do it at all. It just makes my blood boil. Mrs. C. There, there, honey, now don't get yerself all het up over the same old thing again. I know yer father's a hard man, and sot in his way. I ain't lived with him nearly thirty years without findin' that out ; but he hez got his good points; only he's like a chestnut burr, the outside's so sharp that very few hez courage to find out whether the inside's good or not. Eliz. Well, if he's got his good points, he's taken mighty good care to hide 'em from his family. Look at you — just clean worked out and dead beat — what with lookin' after this tumble-down shanty, and taking in sum- mer boarders, and washing and everything! Mrs C. Yes, I know, Lizzie, but I'm used ter work- ing, you know. I guess I wasn't cut out fer a lady. Eliz. (angry). No such thing! I guess you could be a lady all right if you only had half a chance. (Fin- ishes at table. Goes to basket and helps mother fold clothes.) If you only didn't have a husband that was (Holds up sheet and shakes it.) stingy (Shakes.), and mean (Shakes. ) , and stubborn and hard-fisted Mrs. C. Now, Lizzie, I can't let you talk about your pa. I know yer peeved and disappointed 'bout the new dress, but mebbe Eliz. Disappointed? I should think I ought to be. Look at me. I'm sick and tired trying to turn my old clothes inside out so's to make 'em over. And look at you. You ain't — I mean, haven't had a new dress since Mrs. Noah came out of the ark. And look at this place ! Would any one ever believe that it belonged to the richest FOREST ACRES 7 farmer in Gresham County ? Everything tumbling down about our ears just because he's too much of a crumb to spend a nickel on the place. Mrs. C. Yes, I know, but you mustn't fergit, Lizzie, that it costs a pile o' money to keep Eliz. Yes, I know all about that. A pile of money, nothing! The only thing that ever costs a pile of money round here are farm implements, tools, mowing-machines, threshers, milkers, anything to improve the farm. Sure they cost a pile of money. They're the only thing the money ever gets spent on. Nothing else is of any im- portance. Doesn't matter if the rug has a hole a yard square, or if the table stands on one leg, or if you break your back over the wash tubs. There's never enough money to fix up anything for us. It all has to be used to improve the farm. I'm just getting sick and tired of it all. Mrs. C. There, there, honey, now don't get yourself all riled up. I know jest how ye feel. I don't reely care about clothes and sech things. I guess I've kind of fergot how to wear anything but a kitchen dress; but I'd suttinly like ter see you have some purty things sence your heart is so set on 'em, but you know (With a sigh.) how hard it is to git yer father to see things anybody else's way. But there now (Brightening), don't you give up hope. Maybe I kin figure out how to save some off'n the tgg money so's you kin have a brand-y, spand-y new dress. We'll see. Eliz. (gives mother hug). You darling old mummy! You'll do nothing of the sort. I'm sorry I complained. I know you've got a lot more to put up with than I have, and I ought not to say a word. But he makes me so mad, the old skinflint. He's closer than the bark on the tree, even if he is my father, and I'm (Interrupted by shrieks of laughter.) Good Lord, what's that? Mrs. C. Sounds like Hepsy. What devilment is she up to now ? (Starts to rise. Enter Andy on all fours, Hepsibah on his back holding clothes-line for horse reins.) 8 FOREST ACRES Hepsibah. Gid-up there {Slapping him.), gid up Andy {shaking himself free, gets up and mops his brow). No, I guess there's no more " git " in this hoss. That's all fer now, Hepsy. How-do, Miss Crockett. H'Uo, Liz — er — er, Lizziebeth. Mrs. C. Good-day, Andy. (Elizabeth 7tods a greet- ing.) Whatever are you doing with that young un? (Hepsibah meantime trying to untie clothes-line which is twisted round Andy.) Andy. The mail's in, Miss Crockett. I jest seen that stage go by as I wuz comin' up here. Be you expectin* any mail ? Mrs. C. Well, now there might be. Father's cata- logues fer the farm ought ter be comin' along soon. Andy. Wouldn't you like fer me ter git 'em fer ye? Mrs. C. Why, yes, Andy, if ye're going down that way and it ain't puttin' ye out too much. (Hepsibah at last frees Andy from rope.) Hepsy. Puttin' him out — ha — sure, Ma, he Just hangs round all day waitin' ter git a chance ter do some'n fer Liz. Hepsy. Well, I ought ter know. Didn't he pay me ten cents ter let him be my horse so he could have an excuse ter come up here! (Mrs. Crockett makes mo- tion as if to slap Hepsibah. Latter runs out with rope, calling hack at door.) He's stuck on Liz — ^ha-ha, ha-ha. [Exit Hepsibah. Mrs. C. {putting folded clothes in basket). I'll just take these things out o' here. It must be gittin' near sup- per time. Lizziebeth, you kin walk down fer the mail if ye want to 'stead o' Andy. Eliz. All right, Ma. [Exit Mrs. Crockett. Andy. Say, Liz— I mean lAzzi&htih— I— {Bashfully. ) FOREST ACRES 9 I really cum over to ask you a question. Would ye — will ye — er — would ye — go to the church social with me — Thursday ? Eliz. Why — oh, thank you, Andy, it's nice of you to ask me. Andy. Oh, no, it ain't — not a bit. Ye see, I reely want ye to go. I'll buy you lots of refreshments, and I'll bring ye a big bunch of posies frum my back yard. Gee ! you'll be the purtiest gal there. Eliz. I'm afraid not, Andy — because, you see, I won't be there. Mr. Arthur, Ma's city boarder, asked me ter go with him, but I can't — 'cause — well, you see, I haven't anything to wear. (Bitterly.) I might as well tell the truth. Andy. Gee, that swell ! Did ye reely turn him down, Liz? Well, then I s'pose I ortn't ter feel so bad, but I was sure you'd go along with me. Ye know, Liz — I mean Lizziebeth — ye know I — I — ye know — well (Enter Hepsibah, pell-mell. Sunhonnet hanging, hair flying, followed by Mr. Arthur, holding flowers.) Hepsy. Whoop-ee, here's the mail. I been down and back while you two been gabbin' here. I brought my ** gentlemen friend " back with me. Eliz. Hepsy, how can you talk so? Mr. Arthur. Oh, don't scold her, Miss Beth. Hepsy and I are real friends. (Pats child's head.) She's my little guide round here, and she shows me where all the prettiest flowers grow. Here's a little bunch of posies I brought back for you. Eliz. Oh, thank you. I'll put them on the tabic. They're very pretty. (Arranges flowers on the table.) Andy (standing awkwardly, shuffling feet}. Well — er — I got to get hum. Mr. a. Don't let me drive you off, Andy. Andy (hastily). Oh, no, I got ter be goin', I really got ter. Bye, Lizziebeth, bye, everybody. Eliz. Good-bye. [Exit Andy. Mr. a. (sorting mail). Well, most of this seems to lO FOREST ACRES be for your father. Three catalogues, one newspaper, one letter. No, hello, here's one for you. {Holds out magazine.) Eliz. (snatches it hastily). Oh, yes, I clean forgot. I didn't think. Excuse me. {Rushes from room in haste.) Mr. a. (surprised; to Hepsibah). Well, well. I hope I didn't say anything to make your sister angry. Do you know what the matter is, Hepsy ? Hepsy. Oh, sure, I always know everything that's going on round here, though Liz don't think so. Sure, I'll tell you. You see. Dad's so plumb close-fisted that he won't give Ma ner Liz no money fer nothin'. Ma saved some cash out of her tgg money and gave it ter Liz ter send fer a fashion book, and Liz tried ter git Pa ter give her some extry money fer some cloth fer a new dress, but he wouldn't. I could of told her so before she asked, 'cause it's hayin' time, and he's always crosser than a crabbed stick in hayin' time. She an' Ma's afraid ter let Pa know that they get the fashion book, 'cause he'd holler loud enough ter raise the roof. But Liz Mr. a. Yes, but Hepsy, you must not tell me all these things. These are family affairs and should not be talked about in public. Hepsy. O Lord, they ain't no secret! (Pulls an apple from sunbonnet and proceeds to eat.) Here, want a bite? (Mr. Arthur shakes head.) Everybody round here calls Dad the stingiest man in town. But do you know (Seats self on stool at his feet.) 'tain't that he's really stingy; it's just this farm. He's just crazy 'bout this place — his hobby, he calls it. Wants to have the most up-to-date farm in the county. He'll spend heaps of money on tools and machinery and things for the farm, but when it comes to furniture and clothes and things fer just livin' — well — he calls all that foolishness. Mr. a. But your sister does a lot of work here on the farm, doesn't she? FOREST ACRES II Hepsy. Yep. Sure she does. But it ain't because she Hkes it. She hates it, and she ain't goin' to do it much longer, Fll tell yer — just till her bargain is up. Mr. a. Her bargain? Why, what do you mean? Hepsy. Oh, I mean the bargain that Liz made with Pa. Yer see, it's funny. Some ways Pa's real fond o' Liz — proud of her, I should say. He let her go through the High School, and he wouldn't let Hiram. Made him quit in the seventh, 'cause he said farm help wuz so scarce he'd hev to git ter work. But Hiram didn't care, he's jest cut out ter be a farmer, and that's what he wants ter do. He hated school anyway, so 'twasn't no hardship ter him ter git clear of it. But Liz — well, she's different — she's got high and mighty notions about gittin' an eddication, and bein' inderpendent, and she kicked up sich a rumpus and Ma sided in with her, that fer once Pa hed ter giv' in. But he made Liz promise that if he let her go through, fer a year anyway after she finished she'd stay home here and help with the work, so she's doin' it, but 'tain't coz she likes it. Mr. a. Oh, I see. And how about you? Do you like it? Hepsy. Me? Oh, sure, I like it all right. I have bushels of fun. Course, I hev ter work too, once in a while — when I can't git out of it — but mostly I hev a good time. I pick berries, and I sell 'em and I save the money. Mr. a. Well, I never knew you were such a good business woman Hepsy. And say, Mr. Arthur, want me ter show yer something I found one day when I was out berrying? Mr. a. Why, of course. I'm interested in every- thing that you do. (Hepsibah goes to cupboard, brings out small tin box,) Hepsy. Here, look. I found this box down in the south pasture last year when I was berrying. (Business of opening box, looking inside, taking out contents.) 12 FOREST ACRES There's some papers inside with all kinds of funny marks and figures. {Enter Mrs. Crockett, l. Seats herself, shells peas.) Mrs. C. Oh, now, Hepsy, are you fillin' Mr. Arthur full o' stories about that box again? I don't believe it amounts to anything. Hepsy. Well, Liz says that she thinks it's important, and that some day somebody'll come looking fer it. Mr. a. Well, it looks to me like plans or figures such as surveyors would make. I don't imagine that it can be very valuable or you would have heard from it long ago, but it won't do any harm to keep it, Hepsy. You never can tell — you know the old saying — keep a thing for a hundred years and it will be sure to come in handy. Mrs. C. Well, if it ever turned out ter be valuable, I'm sure I don't know who would own it — coz Hepsy found it, but it was on Lizziebeth's land. Mr. a. Miss Beth's land? Why, what do you mean? Hepsy. Why, didn't I never tell you that neither? Guess I'd better be takin' something fer my memory, sure. This farm don't all belong ter Pa; though you'd never know it, ter hear him sputter. Mrs. C. Now, Hepsibah, don't be unrespectful. Hepsy. Well, I'm tellin' the truth, ain't I, Ma? Yer can't be unrespectful when yer tellin' the truth. Mrs. C. Oh, yes, it's the truth all right. Yer see, Mr. Arthur, this farm used ter belong ter Lem's father, and Granddad always were a great hand fer bringin' up children ter be thrifty, so when he died he left the big- gest part of the farm to Lem, but he left a little parcel of land to each of the children. The South Pasture he give ter Lizzie — oh (Apologetically.), I mean Lizziebeth, — yer see, sence Liz's been ter the High School, she don't want ter be called Lizzie no more — and he left the East Meadow ter Hiram, and Hepsy here got the old pertater field down back of the barn. Hepsy. Yep, and when I'm of age I kin hev all that FOREST ACRES I3 land to do as I dam please, and Dad can't say a word about it. Mrs. C. Hepsy! Hepsy. Well, it's so, ain't it? Didn't Granddad's will say that when we was twenty-one. Dad was ter give it over to us ab-so-lute-ly. Mrs. C. Yes, you're right, dear, but you mustn't be saucy. (Hepsy makes face. Puis box back in cupboard.) Hepsy. I wasn't bein' saucy. Ma, was I, Mr. Arthur? (Latter shakes head.) I was only tellin' Mr. Arthur how I hev bushels of fun with the summer boarders. Mr. a. Like me, I suppose. Hepsy. You? Oh, no, you're a regular feller. I mean boarders like Miss Ruggles and Evelina. Say, ain't Miss Ruggles a sketl:h? I'd hate ter have been in her room in school, wouldn't you ? Mrs. C. I've got ter git out in the kitchen if you folks is to have any supper at all. Now, Hepsy, don't you bother Mr. Arthur with no more of your foolish talk. Hepsy. All right, Ma. (Exit Mrs. Crockett, l.) But say, Mr. Arthur (Loud whisper.), want I should tell you something? Mr. a. (loud whisper). Sure. Hepsy. Her hair — Miss Ruggles' — don't grow on same's mine. She jest pins it on. I seen her. Mr. a. Oh, but come, come, Hepsy, you mustn't tell me things like that. That's prying into Miss Ruggles' private affairs. Hepsy. Well, my sakes, Land o' Goshen, she's got her nose inter everybody else's private affairs. 'Twas her put me and Liz wise that Evelina was shining up ter Hiram. Ha! Ha! Evelina come down here fer two weeks fer her health, and she's been here six, and I don't see her movin' yet. Mr. a. Well, Evelina's a nice little girl and I should think (Enter Elizabeth, carrying various articles for table. Business of putting them in place.) 14 FOREST ACRES Hepsy. Well, I guess I'll be gittin* the dinner gong. Must be pretty near time to ring it. [Exit, r. Eliz. Don't you want to sort the mail, Mr. Arthur? Most of the magazines are farming catalogues for Father. (He sorts them.) You might put them by his place. The newspaper is for Miss Ruggles. She has it sent out from the city every day. Put it over the back of her chair. {He obeys, and quickly places his hand over hers.) Mr. a. Did I say something to displease you, Miss Beth? If I did I'm sorry. Eliz. Oh, no, it wasn't anything that you did. It was just my own foolishness — you see, you see, that magazine Mr. a. I know — Hepsy told me. I wish I could do something to help you. Eliz. Well, you can't. Nobody can. I know I ought not to complain so about Father, but I do believe that it's just that he doesn't realize. It's mowers and milkers and tractors that fill his mind so full that he just hasn't got room for anything else. I actually have gotten so that I hate the sound of the old things. Why, Mr. Arthur, the money that he sends to the Brixley Shovel and Plow Works in one year would refurnish this whole place and give Mother and me a brand new outfit and a trip to Europe. Mr. a. Is that really so ? Eliz. It positively is. He buys all his farm imple- ments from them, and you know those things are ex- pensive. They are forever sending him these catalogues, and every once in a while one of their agents comes down here to demonstrate some new thing. I'm ashamed to even ask them in here, this place is such a sight, but Pa don't seem to mind, he just buys anything they show him to improve the old farm. But never mind the old house, or the old woman, or {Aside.) the young one either, for that matter. There, now you know how horrid I am, but I can't help it. FOREST ACRES I 5 Mr. a. Well, really, I don't know as I can blame you, little girl, and you know I don't think you are horrid at all. Eliz. Well, I am, and I know it. I just seem to get all ** het up," as Mother says, whenever I talk about Pa and his farm tools. I just wish I knew that Mr. Brixley that is the head of the Brixley Company. I'm forever reading in the papers about his wife and daughter, and where they go, and the beautiful gowns they always wear. I'd like to tell him to stop sending his men down here and wheedling Pa into giving them big orders. Maybe then Ma and I could get a new dress once in a while. Mr. a. {after a pause). Well, upon my soul, I don't think that's such a bad idea at all. Why don't you do it. Miss Beth ? Eliz. Do it? Do what? Mr. a. Tell him, Brixley, I mean. Write to him if you can't go to see him, and tell him about all the things that you've wanted and had to do without on account of him. He's not a bad chap, really, if you know him. I think h'd see the humor of the situation. Eliz. Humor? Well, I fail to see anything very funny about it. Besides, I was only fooling. I'd never think of doing such a thing. I'm sure now that you're making fun of me. {Enter Hepsy, l., ringing dinner gong. Goes to door, rings loud, long.) I must go now and help Mother with the supper. [Exit, l. {Enter from outside, Lemuel Crockett, Hiram. From R. Evelina. Hepsibah puts away hell, comes to table. They all sit, some facing, others with hack to audience. Hepsibah helps self to generous slice of bread, butters it, proceeds to eat.) Lemuel. Well, well, what are we waitin* for? I thought I heerd the dinner bell. Hepsy {mouth full). Oh, keep yer shirt on. Pa. Ma an* Liz is gettin' it ready as fast as they kin. There's yer magazines. They just come. Lem. Oh, sure 'nough. I never noticed. l6 FOREST ACRES (Business of getting out specs, cleaning them on table- cloth, opening magazine, sundry exclamations, tip- ping back in chair, etc. Meantime Evelina and Hiram exchange lover-like glances, hold hands un- der table, etc. Hepsibah nudges Mr. Arthur.) Hepsy. Guess Miss Lucy Ruggles must be pinnin* on her — (Mr. Arthur shakes head at her.) well, anyway, something's keepin' her. Mr. a. {takes paper from Miss Ruggles' chair). I'll just glance through her paper for a moment as long as she isn't here. (Reads. Enter Miss Ruggles, who glances quickly round. ) Miss Ruggles. Evening, everybody. All. Good-evening. Miss R. Humph ! Very interesting company, I must say. (Seats self.) Didn't my paper come to-day? Mr. a. Oh, pardon me. I was just glancing through it. I do enjoy the daily paper. Miss R. (sharply). Well, if you like it so well, why don't you take it ? Mr. a. (smiling). I do — as you see. Miss R. Humph ! (Enter Mrs. Crockett and Elizabeth with steaming dishes of food which they place on table. Mr. Ar- thur rises and holds chair for Mrs. Crockett, then for Elizabeth. Company proceeds to pass food and all eat.) Mrs. C. I*m sorry to be so late, but you know this was wash day, and I was pretty tired. Lem. Humph ! Ef you folks ever did a day's work in the hay field along o' Hiram and me, you'd hev something to be tired fer. Evelina. Oh, yes, and it was so interesting, Mrs. Crockett. Hiram showed me how the new cutting ma- chine worked, and he let me ride home with him on the hay team. Wasn't that sweet of him ? FOREST ACRES 17 Miss R. Yes, it was. Too sweet to be wholesome, I should say. Hepsy. Well, that's better than being sour, and havin* a shape like a pickle. (Mrs. Crockett shakes finger at Hepsibah.) Miss R. When I was young, children were supposed to be seen and not heard. Hepsy. Yes, but that was so long ago. [Note. — Supper scene may be prolonged ad lib., intro- ducing any local topics of gossip, puns, jokes on neighborhood folks, etc., Elizabeth rising from time to time, removing plates, bringing in aaditional courses. Hiram brings in bucket of water from well, Elizabeth passes around pouring it. Farmer Lemuel peruses his catalogues between bites, rous- ing every now and then to offer some remark.] Lem. Well, I see these Brixley folks is advertisin' that new kind o' threshin' machine that's been interestin me so much this season. They've already writ me one letter about it, and said they was goin' ter send one of their men down ter talk ter me, and now I see they've got it advertised. Mrs. C. But Pa, you did say as how you might put up a sink in the kitchen this year, and draw the water in. Haulin' it in from the pump is awful hard work. Lem. Well, I did think o' doin' it, but I don't see how I kin do everything. The farm's our bread and butter, so the farm's got to come first. Hepsy. Well, let's have our bread without any butter. Liz wouldn't mind, would you, Liz? Eliz. No indeed, I'd gladly give up butter if I could have a few other things I want. Lem. Othei things! Other things! What in thun- der do ye want now ? It seems to me yer always wantm' something. These women do beat the Devil. What do you say, Mr. Arthur? l8 FOREST ACRES Mr. a. Well, pretty girls must have pretty things, you know, Mr. Crockett. Miss R. H'm-m. Well, handsome is as handsome does, was what I learned when I went to school. Mr. a. Yes, I'm sure it must have been in your case. Miss Ruggles. Hepsy. He-he-he-ha-ha ! Lem, Wall, good looks never set the world on fire yet, and ef you f olks'U excuse me (Wild shout from outside. Enter Andy, hatless, coatless, red.) Andy. Hey, Lem Crockett, that tarnation Betsy cow o' yourn clean stampeded through our whole field, knocked over the milkin' machine and spilled the whole day's milkin'. My ma's fit to be tied, she's so mad. Lem. {jumping up, knocks over chair in excitement) . Demnition and tarnation ! Them female critters is the darndest! Where's my hat? {Seizes hat.) Come on, Hiram; we got some job ahead of us. Eve. Oh, Hiram, please, please, may I go too, just to watch? I'll promise not to be in the way. Hiram. Sure. Come on, Evelina. [Exit Lemuel, Evelina and Hirah. Hepsy. I got to go too. Ma, and see the fun. I'll be back to do the dishes later. Come on, Miss Dill Pickle. {To Miss Ruggles.) I'll take you down to the pasture to see the battle. Miss R. Well {Nervously.), you're sure It's not a wild steer, Hepsy? I'm dreadfully afraid of those creatures. Hepsy {scornfully). Gee! You'd make a fine hero- ine in a play! No, Betsy cow couldn't hurt ye if she wanted to, and besides {Affectedly.), I'll be yer per- tecter, little one. Come on. {Exit Miss Ruggles and Hepsibah. Others laugh.) Mr. a. Well, there's nothing backward about Hepsy, is there ? She'll get along in this world all right. FOREST ACRES I9 Mrs. C. Yes, but I'm thinkin' she's getting very bold and saucy. She's not the least bit afraid of any one — not even her father. Eliz. Well, she's the only one around here that isn't. (While talking, Elizabeth and her mother take out dishes, clear table, etc. Mr. Arthur reads paper.) Mr. a. I see Miss Ruggles left her paper behind in all the excitement. I suppose she'd have no objection to my reading it now. Eliz. Oh, no, I don't think she has any real objection at any time. Her bark's a good deal worse than her bite anyway. But she is queer, isn't she? If school teach- ing's done that for her, I'm glad I decided not to be one. {Exit Mrs. Crockett with last of dishes and does not return.) Mr. a. Is that what you intended to do ? (Elizabeth takes off table -cloth and shakes it out doors; comes back to c. Mr. Arthur takes two corners, Elizabeth the other two. Business of folding cloth smaller and smaller.) Eliz. Yes, when I first persuaded Pa to let me stay in school, I thought I'd like to be a teacher, but now I've changed my mind. Mr. a. And what v/ould you like to do now? {He shows inclination to take her hands as cloth is folded smaller. Elizabeth evades him, puts cloth in drawer, places flowers on center table. Both seat themselves.) Eliz. Now? Oh, I want to open a tea-room. I've had the idea in mind for a long time, particularly since we've heard so much talk about having a railroad built through this part of the county. The county's done a lot to improve the roads around here in the last few years and we have quite a little automobile travel passing here 20 • FOREST ACRES now. I figured that I could get quite a bit of trade from them, and then if the railroad should ever run through and they should have a station anywhere near here, I could surely build up a paying business. Mr. a. Well, you surprise me, Miss Beth. I see your father hasn't any monopoly on the business ability in this family. Your plan certainly does sound like a good busi- ness proposition to me. Eliz. Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say so, Mr. Ar- thur. You see, Father " pooh-poohs " the whole affair, and I'm delighted to think that you, with all your busi- ness experience, should not think that it is entirely fool- ish to attempt such a thing. Mr. a. Foolish! No indeed. Women to-day, more and more, are going out into the world of men and com- peting, and making a success of it too. I am a firm be- liever that every girl should know how to do something whether she has to or not. Why, one of my very best friends has a niece, a young girl, an orphan, whose par- ents left her more money than she can ever spend, and she has gone to college and taken up a business course, just to fit herself for something useful in this world, al- though she'll probably never need the money. She's getting through this year, and she plans to do something with her training, although I haven't the least idea what it is. But I bet she'll make a success, whatever it is. Eliz. (looking at him sharply). Oh, is that so? Mr. a. Yes, and I'll bet the same thing about you. Miss Beth. I think you have got a very level head for one so young, and I'm sure that you'll win out in any venture you undertake. Eliz. Well, thank you for saying such nice things. I'm afraid I haven't quite as much confidence in my own ability as you seem to have. However, I mean to try as soon as I get the chance, but I can't for at least a year on account of my promise to Father. Mr. a. Well, at least you'll be getting good experi- ence in tea-room work while you stay at home. (Eliza- beth makes face.) By the way, I didn't know that there FOREST ACRES 21 had been any talk of running a railroad line through this part of the town. Tell me more about it. Eliz. Well, there isn't very much to tell. There has been talk about it for a long time, and last year some men came to Father to see if they could come to terms about buying a strip of his land in case the plans went through ; But you know Dad and his farm. He asked so much for a square inch that they told him they didn't come to buy the farm, and Dad got mad and said he wasn't fussy about selling anyway, and so the whole thing fell through, and we haven't heard any more about it. But I could make a tea-room pay, I think, even if we don't have the railroad. Mr. a. I think you could at that, and if you ever get it started, I'll promise you one very good customer. Eliz. Thank you, Mr. Arthur; it's awfully nice of you to be so interested. {Picks up paper and glances through it.) Mr. a. Well, you didn't get very far in telling your father what you wanted at supper time, did you ? Eliz. No indeed, and now he'll be so cross over that old Betsy cow there will be no use asking him at all. Why, look here. (Mr. Arthur comes and looks over her shoidder. Enter Mrs. Crockett wiih basket of mending, and she looks too.) Here's an article about Jeffrey Brixley of the Brixley Shovel and Plough Works. He slipped stepping out of his automobile the other day and is confined to his home with a broken ankle. Mr. a. Why, bless my soul, I'm sorry to hear that. ■ Mrs. C. You talk as if you knew him, Mr. Arthur. Mr. a. I do. I have met him a number of times, and he's really a very fine fellow. Got a nice wife, too. Eliz. {reading on). Yes, it says here: " His wife has cancelled all her engagements, and Mr. Brixley is under her personal care." Very nice, I'm sure. I suppose he sits in a nice soft easy-chair, with his leg up on a foot- stool, wearing a handsome silk dressing-gown, probably bought with some of the money my father's spent in his 22 FOREST ACRES old Shovel Works, and his wife's all dolled up like a Paris fashion plate. It's very easy to " give him her personal care and attention" when you've nothing else in the world to do. Mr. a. Well, you know what I told you. Miss Beth. Eliz. What's that? Mr. a. Write and tell him your grievance. I'm sure he'd be interested. Eliz. Oh, that's foolish. I'd never do such a thing. Mrs. C. No, I hope not, Lizziebeth. Your pa would suttinly be madder'n a setter pup. Eliz. Not but what there's enough I'd like to tell him! He certainly would get the shock of his young life if he ever read the letter I'd like to send him. Mr. a. Well, suppose you let me see it instead. I'll bet you could handle the King's English in great style. I've got some letters to write too, and this is as good a time as any. We'll share the table. Miss Beth, and per- haps it will relieve your feeling a little to see what your thoughts look like on paper. Eliz. I've half a mind to do it just for fun. I don't know as I know myself just what it is I do want, but if I write it you must tear it up as soon as you've read it. {She goes to shelf, takes down pen and ink bottle, comes to table.) Mr. a. Cross my heart and hope to die. Isn't that what Hepsy says? (Takes fountain pen, paper and envelopes from pocket; both seat themselves at table and begin to write busily. Mrs. Crockett, in rocker, sews. Hums little tune. If desired, some simple old-fashioned melody may here be introduced.) VXiz. {finishing letter with flourish) , There! I guess I've said everything that's been on my mind for a year. {Blots letter hard.) Mr. a. Well, am I to read it? FOREST ACRES 23 Eliz. Oh, yes, but not just this minute. I'd feel too foohsh ; but if you have one of those envelopes to spare, ril put it in, and you can put it in your pocket and read it when you are alone, and then later tell me that you think that Vm an old silly ** goop." Mr. a. I promise to do nothing of the kind. (Passes her an envelope. She puts letter in and passes it hack to him. He imites on envelope.) "Mr. Jeffrey Brixley, c/o Brixley Shovel & Plough Works, New York City." There, now I'll know that's yours and I won't get it mixed up with any of my other letters. Now I'll just put the address on my own letter. It's going to my lawyer, and then (Starts to write. Loud yodel from without.) Hepsy. Oh, you — o-o-o-o! Oh, Ma and Liz, come on out and see what they've done to that Betsy cow. And Mr. Arthur, come on out too. {All three go hastily to window and door. Mrs. Crockett laughs loudly.) Mrs. C. Well, now, kin yer beat that Lem Crockett fer thinkin* o' doin' things. That poor foolish Betsy cow. Come on outdoors and see what they're goin* ter do next. {Exit all three, leaving both letters on table. Enter Miss Ruggles and Evelina, fanning themselves.) Miss R. Well, I never did know that a cow could be such a fool critter. I've lost all the respect that I ever had for the animals. Eve. Yes, but Miss Ruggles, wasn't Hiram brave? Did you see the way he ran after her with the rope ; and his father let him go, too? Why, my heart was in my mouth for fear that something would happen to him. Miss R. H'm, brave, nothing! Why, the poor crea- ture didn't have enough get-up-and-go to her to know enough to run when she saw him coming. Brave ! Well, 24 FOREST ACRES may the saints preserve us. Love is blind, all right! And now if you'll excuse me, Evelina, I'm going {Enter Andy, rear.) Andy. Got any mail, anybody? I got my team all hitched up ter take my ma down ter the Center. She 'lowed that she needed a ride ter cool her off after chasin* that fool of a cow fer a half mile. Miss R. Oh, yes, thank you, Andy, I've got a letter all written. I'd be very much obliged to you if you would take it. I'll go right up and get it; it's in my room. [Exit, R. Eve. Oh, and Andy, here's some letters on the table. I suppose they want them mailed, though there ain't any stamps on them. Andy. Well, that don't matter. I'll git *em stamped at the Post Office. I don't mind. (Evelina hands him the letters.) This one ain't stuck. I suppose I better doit. {Business of licking the letter with loud noise , sealing it, etc. Enter Miss Ruggles.) Miss R. Here's my letter, Andy, and thank you very much. It will go so much quicker if you mail it down in the Center. Andy. Oh, that's all right, Miss Ruggles; I don't mind. [Exit Andy. Eve. {at window). Here they all come back again. Farmer Crockett's as mad as a hornet over losing the whole day's milking. {Enter Lemuel, Mrs. Crockett, Hiram, Elizabeth, Hepsibah, Mr. Arthur, all laughing and talking except Lemuel, who appears to he angry.) Miss R. Well, you can hardly blame him, can you? Hepsy {to Miss Ruggles and Evelina). Say, you two, why didn't you wait and see the finish ? Gee ! That was some show, wasn't it, Liz ? Lem. {angrily). Yes, it suttinly were. 'Course it FOREST ACRES 25 means nothing ter you young folks that the whole .day's milkin' wuz lost. Consarn that 'ere critter. Mrs. C. Now, Lem, you know yer always quotin' that there ain't no use in cryin* over spilt milk, so yer jest better try and fergit it, and we won't none o' us mention it no more. {Gives meaning look at all.) Miss R. Well, I'm going to try and find a quiet spot and read my paper at last, I hope. Mr. a. Why, yes, and that reminds me that I've got a very important letter that I'm most anxious to read. (Looks at Elizabeth, goes to table.) Why — but where is it ? I left it here — left both of the letters on the table when Hepsy called us. I don't see them here now ! Eve. Oh, those letters. Why, I gave them to Andy Hobbs to mail. He was driving his ma down to the Center and he offered to take them. Eliz. Good heavens! You don't mean — you really didn't (To Mr. Arthur.) mail that letter! Mr. a. I'm afraid it looks very much like it. I'm very much afraid so. You see, I left it here with mine. There were no stamps on either of them. Yours wasn't even sealed. I never dreamed that any one would touch them. We were only gone such a little while. Eve. Well, Andy sealed one, and said he'd get the stamps down at the Center. What's the matter ? Didn't you want 'em mailed? Mr. a. Well, I'm not so sure that I didn't, but I don't think Miss Beth Mrs. C. (anxiously). Lizziebeth, Lizziebeth, you don't mean that that letter (Elizabeth and Mr. Arthur both silence her with a look. Meantime Lemuel, looking over catalogues, has heard nothing of all this. Lemuel comes to c.) Lem. Come on, come on, clear out o' here all on ye ! Vm sick and tired o' female critters anyways, and I want ter talk ter Mr. Arthur. He's the only one that's got any sense, anyway. (Miss Ruggles glares at him, Evelina and Hepsibah giggle, Mrs. Crockett and Elizabeth 26 FOREST ACRES shake heads, all exit, various directions. Lemuel and Mr. Arthur seat themselves, c, Lej^iuel holding cata- logue.) I'd like ter hev yer opinion on this new Brix- ley tractor, Mr. Arthur. I know ye ain't no farmer, but somehow er 'nuther, ye appears to hev a leetle sense, jest the same. Now, you say this Brixley feller is a purty decent chap (Mr. Arthur nods.), and no doubt he'll be lookin' ter hear from Crockett's farm round about this time Mr. a. Well, I'm sure he won't be disappointed. Lem. Wall, now, I'd like ter show yer, Mr. Ar- thur (Continues talking during fall of curtain.) SLOW CURTAIN ACT II SCENE. — Library of Brixley home. (Enter Nora, the maid. Looks about hastily. Goes to door. Looks out. Comes back. Goes to tele- phone. Gives number.) Nora. Hello, hello — is this the Granard Hotel ? Oh, it is! Well, is Joe McDermott there? What? Is he one of the guests? Say, don't get fresh — course not — he's the head waiter. Oh, ye'll see if ye can find him. Well, don't keep me waiting too long, dearie. (Pause.) Hello — oh, is that you, Joe? Yes, this is me. Say, Joe, I'm awful sorry about that dance last night. Honest I am. Now, Joe, you know I'd rather dance with you than with any fellow I know. Sure I would. What did I do it for? Why, it was a test — what — no — a test. Testt — t-e-s-s-t — (Spells.) Yes. Honest it was; but of course if you won't believe me — well — yes, I know — but — shhh. I hear some one coming. I'll call you by and by. Good-bye. (Hangs up hastily and busies herself about room. Enter Jeffrey Brixley in wheel chair, pushed by Mrs. Brixley. His foot is bandaged. Their ap- pearance follows closely description given by Eliza- beth in Act I. Mrs. Brixley arranges his foot on stool and puts rug over knees. Wheels him to table.) Mrs. Brixley. There, dear, are you quite comfort- able? {Gives him the paper. Bell rings off stage. Nora answers.) a; 28 FOREST ACRES Mr. Brixley. Oh, yes, thank you — as comfortable as I suppose I can expect to be with this foot of mine. Such a confounded nuisance! {Looks at paper.) Mrs. B. {seating herself with magazine). Yes, I know it's hard, dear, but just try to make the best of it. There's one consolation; it can't last forever. Mr. B. Good heaven. I should hope not. One week of it has been more than enough to last me for the rest of my entire life. {Enter Nora witn numerous letters, magazines, etc.) Nora {giving them to Mr. Brixley). Here is the mail, sir. {To Mrs. Brixley.) Is there anything else, ma am Mrs. B. No, thank you, Nora. That is all just now. [Exit Nora. Mr. B. {sorting letters). Two for you, my dear. {She rises to get them.) That top one looks as though it might be from Constance. I suppose she'll never get over the fact that we didn't get down to class day to see her get her sheepskin. Well, she couldn't feel any worse about it than I did. Confound this old foot again. Ouch! {As he attempts to move it.) Mrs. B. {anxiously). Jeffrey! Do be careful, dear! {Reads from the letter.) Yes, you are right. It is from Constance. And of course she is disappointed. How- ever, she says : " I understand of course how impossible it was for you and dear Uncle Jeffrey to get here for commencement and I'm so awfully sorry for his unfor- tunate accident. However, since the mountain couldn't come to Mahomet, Mahomet will do just as in the olden tale, and come to you. So expect me by the twenty-fifth at the latest." Why, Jeffrey, that's to-day ! Mr. B. Why, so it is! Yes. Well, I'll be mighty glad to see Connie here. She's a dear girl. Mrs. B. She surely is. And listen, Jeffrey: {Reads again from letter.) " I shall of course play around a bit this summer, but after that I hope to prove to my be- loved uncle and guardian that my sheepskin is more than FOREST ACRES 2g just a bit of parchment and that my desire to be useful is more than just an idle whim." So, she's really going to stick to that ridiculous plan of hers to go to work. Mr. B. Well, now, Elise, I don't know that it is ridic- ulous. I'll admit that I didn't thmk very well of it at first, but Connie's a girl with brams; and we can hardly blame her if she wants to make use of them. Mrs. B. But a girl with her money, and looks. Just think of the social success she could be. I'll wager that she'd have every eligible man in town in her train inside of six months. Mr. B. Well, if there's to be a Mr. Right in her life she'll find him anyway ; and besides she's young enough ; she's got plenty of time for that. (Leans head back and closes eyes.) Mrs. B. (goes to him hastily and puts hand on head). What's the matter, dear ? Do you feel ill ? You haven't even read your letters. Mr. B. No, Elise ; I'm all right. Don't bother about me. I was just picturing Connie to myself, as she used to be as a youngster. Can't you just see her, Elise, that summer we spent at their country place? She certainly was a beautiful child, and her father idolized her. Mrs. B. Yes, poor Adrian, he certainly did — but then, every one likes Constance — that's one of her charms — she just makes people like her. Why, even those hard- headed farmers down there at Shoreham would always give her an apple. They'd chase anybody else a mile if they caught them even picking one up from the ground. (Both laugh heartily.) Mr. B. Yes, bless her heart ! I remember too, how the most crabbed old duffer in the town turned his horse and team round and went back half a mile to get her hat that blew off when she was learning to ride her pony. She was a great young one, God bless her ! Mrs. B. Well, she'll be here soon, so we need not 30 FOREST ACRES spend time talking about her. Shall I open your letters for you, dear ? Mr. B. My letters ? Why, bless me ! I almost forgot all about them. Mrs. B. Well, Connie's the only one that can make you do that. I ought to be jealous! Mr. B. Now, my dear, you know better than that. (Pats her hand affectionately.) And now let's see what the postman has brought. {Opens letters one after an- other. Mrs. Brixley picks up knitting.) Hello! Here's a letter from Gaines and Harcourt about that line of rail- road we were trying to put through down in Gresham County. Mrs. B. You never heard any more about those plans, did you? Mr. B. No, not a word. You see, we were afraid to advertise and say much about them for fear of letting too many people into the secret of what we intended to do. And then again we didn't want to let old Crockett know anything about it or he'd be asking a million dollars an inch for his land. Funny old party, he certainly is ! I might have taken a little run down there with you this summer if this confounded leg Mrs. B. Now there you go again, Jeffrey. How many times must I tell you that I don't mind staying in the city one bit, so please don't fret on my account. But tell me, have you given up all plans for that road? Mr. B. Oh, no ; not at all. Just letting it lie quiet for a while. In this letter Harcourt says that he thinks we better advertise and offer a substantial reward for the plans. He figures that will be less expensive than sur- veying all over again and making new ones. It's going to cost us something either way; so I suppose the easiest way is the best. Mrs. B. Have you finished all your letters, dear? Mr. B. No, here's just one more and then I think I shall take a little nap. (Opens letter, glances at it; looks puzzled, looks for signature, begins to smile, finally bursts into hearty roar. Leans back in chair and laughs loud FOREST ACRES 3 1 and long. Gasping.) Well, God bless my soul if this isn't the funniest thing I ever heard of. Mrs. B. But do tell me, Jeffrey, what is it ? Fm dying to laugh too. Mr. B. Well, well, ha, ha, {Wipes eyes.) yes, my dear, you shall hear it. It's far too good to keep to myself. Listen to this. (Reads.) " Mr. Jeffrey Brixley: — President, Brixley Plow and Shovel Works. Dear Mr. Brixley: You are probably not nearly as well acquainted with me as I am with you, for in my home your name has been a household God ever since I can remember. This letter will serve to bring to your notice one Eliza- beth Crockett, of Crockett's Farm, daughter of Lemuel Crockett. Said Elizabeth is the possessor of 1. Red(?) hair. 2. A temper to match. 3. A little brains, and a lot of nerve. Said Elizabeth is not the possessor of :' 1. A great many comforts of life. 2. A great many more luxuries. Reason therefor : The Brixley Shovel and Plough Works. No doubt the above is all Greek to you but it's much worse than that for us. My mother and I have figured out that my father, Lemuel Crockett, has paid to the Brixley Company on an average of $6,000 a year for farm machinery for the last six years. Because of that fact we have had to do without about everything else that makes life worth living, and so perhaps it might interest you to know that this year instead of selling my father a threshing machine, I take upon myself the privilege of advising you that your efforts would be much more appreciated if you would supply us with the following: — 1. A new rug for the dining-room. 2. A black silk dress for Mother. 3. A dress, hat, gloves, parasol, for me. (Size "36'* please.) Suitable to wear to a church social. 32 FOREST ACRES 4. A pair of white slippers (I wear fours; and stock- ings, real silk if you don't mind). 5. Lots of lovely underthings and anything you can think of that a red-headed female of twenty might want who had never had a decent " brand new " dress in her Hfe. No special hurry about this — only — the church social is next week. P. S. — Oh, yes, I forgot. Add one item more. A gingham dress for Hepsy, aged 10. Thank you. I knew you'd understand, and be glad to know just what we wanted. Yours, in the interest of " good business/* Elizabeth Crockett/' {Just as he is beginning to read this letter Nora shows Constance Loring in. Latter motions for silence, and remains in doorway at rear, listening. Nora retires. ) Mr. B. Well ! How do you like that ! Constance (row^^ ^0 c). Bully! Mrs. B. f {together). Constance! (She kisses them both affectionately, removes wraps, Mrs. Brixley rings bell for Nora, who comes and takes them away. Constance seats herself close to Mrs. Brixley.) Con. Well, Nunkie darling, so here you are cooped up in town in June. Mr. B. Yes, worse luck, and Aunt Elise with me. Con. Well, it's not half bad, I should say, if you get letters from Interesting young females like that every day. Mrs. B. Oh, so you heard it ? Con. Most of it. Enough to convince me that there is one young woman who has spunk enough to ask for what she wants. FOREST ACRES 33 Mr. B. Well, this is a new one on me. 1 11 confess that it's rather taken my breath away. Con. Do you know the girl at all ? Mr. B. No, I've never even seen her to my knowledge. I've only been down to the place once, and then I didn't go into the house. Her father is one of our best cus- tomers — he has bought a lot of stuff from us, just as she says. Con. Well, then she probably has plenty of cause to complain. Mrs. B. She must want things pretty bad to write a letter like this. Mr. B. Oh, I imagine it was probably done as a joke; but let's not talk any more about Lemuel Crockett or his daughter. What about you, my dear? Tell us some- thing about yourself. We've simply been pining for a sight of you. Con. (rising and going to him). Well, darling, you certainly " pine " most becomingly. You are at least fifteen pounds heavier than when I saw you this winter. Mrs. B. (warningly). Shhsh ! Don't remind h'im! Especially since he hasn't been able to play golf, or get to the Turkish Bath on account of his foot. Mr. B. Well, nobody loves a fat man, you know, my dear. Con. (airily). Don't you believe it, Nunkie darling. In the language of the poets, " The fatter they get the harder they fall." Mr. B. (making a wry face). Well, 1*11 say so, you bet. Mrs. B. But Connie, dear, are you really going to persist in this foolish scheme of yours about going into business ? Con. Foolish ! Why, Auntie darling, please don't dis- courage the " sweet girl graduate." Here I am with an honest-to-goodness sheepskin that I earned all myself by honest toil. Why! I'm afraid I have permanently ruined a perfectly good complexion getting it. I had to drink so much black coffee to keep me awake when I 34 FOREST ACRES was cramming for exams. And as for hair! Why, I tore so much of mine out that I never expect to possess a respectable marcel wave ever again. Mr. B. Fine work, my dear, fine. I never knew just how these modern young women went about the job of earning a degree! And pray, what does this precious sheepskin qualify you for? Con. Efhciency expert and business adviser (With a little curtsey.) at your service, sir. Mr. Big Business Man confides in me all his big oi little woes and worries, and I solve them for him ; or, if I can't, I find him some one who can. Two heads are better than one, you know. (While she is speaking, Nora enters with suit case marked C. L. She lingers a moment listening, then exits R.) Mrs. B. And do you really expect to get a position : to find any one who will need your services? Con. Why, of course, Auntie dear. I shall probably have several (Ahem.) "clients," (Aside.) that's what we call them, to choose from, once I get ready to settle down to real business. (Hugs Mrs. Brixley.) Now don'^ be like the old black crow that you always used to tell me about when I was little, that forever would cry out " You Caw-n't, You Caw-n't." I know you don't believe that I can do it ; but we'll show you, won't we, Nunkie darling? You'll have a little faith in me, won't you? Mr. B. Well, I suppose I'll have to say so anyway, if I value my life, but my dear little girl, take Uncle's advice and don't get ** too confidential " even with Mr. Big Business Man. You don't know them as well as I do. Con. Don't worry, darling. I promise to be most circumspect and careful. You'll give me at least a rec- ommendation, won't you? Mr. B. a recommendation! Good Lord! What could I say? Con. (laughing). Oh, just say: (In a businesslike tone.) To whom it may concern: — This is to certify FOREST ACRES 35 that Miss Constance Loring, having successfully managed me all the days of her young life, is hereby guaranteed to manage anybody. Mrs. B. (laughing). Well, youVe come pretty near hitting the nail on the head this time. I guess you are the only person who can really manage him. Why don't you give her the recommendation, Jeffrey, and word it just as she told you to? Mr. B. I'll do better than that, by Jove ! I'll give her a job. Here you are, Connie. Here's your first com- mission. You said you were qualified to solve Mr. Busi- ness Man's worries. Well — here's one of mine. This letter — (Holds up Elizabeth's note.) It puzzles me to know just what to do about it. I don't want to lose Lemuel Crockett as a customer, true enough, but I'm not sure either that it would be wise to ignore the letter either. Here it is. You're the doctor. Con. Really! Uncle Jeff. Oh, Nimkie, you darling! (Hugs him, knocking off his glasses.) I know just what I want to do — just exactly how I would like to handle the situation. Mr. B. (pretending to he cross). Well, I don't care what you do as long as you don't break my eyeglasses or lean on my sore foot. Con. Darling! Did I hurt you? I didn't mean to, truly. (Scans letter.) Umhmmm! (Half to herself.) Size thirty-six — ummhmm, about a nine I should say, — and perhaps a twenty-two for a Mrs. B. Well, whatever it is you are talking about, I suppose you understand it. I am sure no one else does. Con. Oh, excuse me. Aunt Elise, I was just thinking out loud. That's one of the bad habits I got into at college. Mrs. B. And not the only one, I'll wager. But now, Jeffrey, you really must have a little nap, or I am afraid that all this excitement will be too much for you. Con. (quickly). Yes, that's the very thing for you, Uncle Jeff, for I'm going out, and I'm going to take Aunt Elise with me. 36 FOREST ACRES Mr. B. Out! Why, you have only just come in! Where are you going now, child? Con. Why, shopping, of course, dear man. We are going to buy every last thing mentioned in that letter, and a v^hole lot more, too. Have I carte blanche. Uncle? Mr. B. Oh, go the limit as far as I am concerned. (Mrs. Brixley throws up her hands in surprise.) Con. That's fine ! Now hurry up, Auntie dear. Get Uncle all settled as quickly as possible, and come right back. We'll have to hurry. (Mrs. Brixley starts to wheel Mr. Brixley out, r., Constance gently pushing her to make her hurry. Rings hell for ^ORA. Puts on hat. Nora appears.) Nora. Did you ring, Miss ? Con. Yes, Nora, bring Mrs. Brixley's wraps, please. We are going out. And Nora, have Thompson bring the car around right away. Tell him we are in a hurry. {Exit Nora, returning in a moment with hat, wrap, gloves, etc., for Mrs. Brixley. ) And Nora, I shall send home a number of packages this afternoon. You and Sims look after them between you, will you? And have them all put in here. We'll make a place for them now. (Together they remove all furniture from one corner of room leaving large empty space. Enter Mrs. Brixley. ) Mrs. B. Gracious, Constance, what are you up to now? Going into the furniture moving business? Con. {laughing). Not quite^ Auntie; but come, we haven't a moment to spare. {Hands her hat and wrap.) We've got a big day's work ahead of us. {Puts on her own wraps.) Don't forget all I told you, Nora. Nora. No, Miss, I won't. Con. All ready, dear? Well, let's be on our way. (Exit. Sound of auto horn as they leave.) FOREST ACRES 37 Nora (in doorway, watching them go). My! Isn't she the grand young lady ? Real sweet spoken too, she is, and not a bit high and mighty like some of her kind would be. I wonder if she's got a beau too. I'll bet if she has, he's not as nice as Joe McDermott is. (Looks about quickly. Listens. Hastens to 'phone. Gives number as before.) Hello, hello, is this the Granard Hotel? Oh, it is? Well, is Joe McDermott there? No, I said Joe McDermott! What's the matter, Cutie, are you hard of hearing? What? Is he one of the guests? Say, are you the same fresh " hall-room " boy that asked me that question before? Oh, you are, are you? Well, then for the last time on this earth I'd like to inform you that he ain't a guest. He's the head waiter; and I'd like to speak to him. (Pause.) Yes, yes, I'm still waiting. What? He's gone. Gone! What d'ye mean, he's gone? He left! Left his job! Well, where did he go? You don't know? Oh, o-o (Half crying.) Oh, noo-o-o, it don't matter, go-o~o-d-d b-y-y-ye ! ( Weeps and throws herself into a chair.) O-h-o-o-h, I only meant it for a joke, and now I've 1-o-s-t him. (Weeping.) (Lower the curtain here for a moment to denote pass- ing of time. Rises on Nora. Loud voices of man and woman in corridor. Woman speaks very sharply and angrily. Man's voice protests.) Man's Voice (off stage). But he's asleep, I tell you. He can't be disturbed. Miss R. {off stage). Well, who wants to disturb him, my good man ? I am not In the habit of disturbing gen- tlemen in their sleep. I came here to see Miss Loring,and I intend to see her ! Man's Voice (off stage). But she's out. Miss R. Well, why didn't you say so before? Very well, I'll wait. (Comes in red and angry.) Good gracious ! These overbearing servants. I never heard of such impudence ! Asking me if I wanted a position ! (Spies Nora. ) Good Heavens ! What's the matter here? (Shakes Nora.) Why do you weep, my good ^8 FOREST ACRES girl? What is wrong with you? Where does it hurt you? Nora (dramatically, putting hand on heart). Here! Here ! Oh, Joe, Joe, I've lost him ! I've lost him ! (Stumbles from room, u) Miss R. {in horror). Great Caesar's Ghost! Another lovesick female! May the saints protect me. I thought I was through with all that kind of nonsense when I saw Evelina safely delivered into her mother's arms. But it must be in the air. Thank goodness, I never was affected that way. (Sits, fakes out knitting. Talk aloud.) Not but what I was quite a belle in my day and had many young men paying attention to me. Indeed! (Rises and preens self in mirror. ) I was considered quite a " catch " and could sing and dance with the best of them. I be- lieve I could do it still. There's no one around now. I've half a mind to try. (Here introduce a little specialty song and dance. The author suggests at this place a song, entitled, "It Happened Years and Years Ago, But I Like to Talk About It." Any other, however, may be used. As song is ending, loud noises and voices are heard again in corridor.) Man's Voice (off stage). Well, all right! He's asleep, but you can go in and wait. We'll soon look like a ward in the Psycopathic Hospital, I'm thinking. Here, you might as well make yourself useful. (Loud scraping and noise. Enter Andy Hobbs, per- spiring and bent nearly double under the weight of small steamer trunk. Deposits it on floor, straight- ens up, mops, etc.) Miss R. (amazed). Andy Hobbs! Good gracious! Am I seeing things? Andy. Sure. Howdy, Miss Ruggles. You're seein* me, that's who ! Guess ye never expected ter see me up here in the city, did ye ? FOREST ACRES 39 Miss R. No, I certainly did not ! And in this house of all places. Whatever are you doing here ? Andy. Well, ye see, my ma, she got kind o' jealous o* hearin* everybody talk about Lem Crockett and the won- derful things he had to v^ork his farm v^^ith, so she jest thought she'd investigate a few o' them herself. She sent me up to this here Brixley place, coz I'm the man o' the family, I am. Miss R. Oh, really, I never should have guessed Andy. And she give me strict orders ter talk only ter the boss himself,- — Mr. Brixley. Well, down at his office they said he wuz home sick but when I said I hed to see him, they sent me up here. So here I am, and ez long ez I said I wuz comin' in anyhow, that French Duke out there 'lowed I'd better make myself useful. I never cal'lated ter do no furniture movin* up in the city, that's sure. It's different down home. Miss R. Well, it looks as though we both have to wait, so we might as well busy ourselves. (Takes out knitting. While she is speaking enter Nora, staggering under load of bundles, boxes, etc. Various noises outside as of bundles being thrown in front door.) Andy. Could I help ye, miss? I'm good and strong, and I don't mind carryin' bundles fer to help a lady. Nora {very glum). Well, you can get busy if you like. There's plenty more out in the hall. (Andy goes out. He and Nora make several trips, each time returning laden with boxes and bundles.) Miss R. Great Heavens ! Looks as though some one here was going away to Robinson Crusoe's island, and was purchasing all the supplies beforehand. (Auto horn outside.) Con. {outside). Thank you, Thomas. No, that is all to-day. {Enters with Mrs. Brixley.) Thank good- ness it is all. I'm so tired I don't know which foot to put down first. 40 FOREST ACRES Mrs. B. And so am I. I fairly ache all over. Oh, {Seeing others.) I beg your pardon. I didn't know there was any one here. Con. Why, Miss Ruggles. You old darling, I'm de- lighted to see you. I never dreamed that you'd get here to-day. I thought that you were away in the country on a farm somewhere. Miss R. Well, I was. And I'm going back again. But I had to come to the city with a young — ahem — fool, I was going to say : but I suppose I better call her a young lady; so I thought I would drop in and see you for a little while. Con. Well, I'm delighted that you did. I want you to meet my aunt, Mrs. Brixley. Auntie, this is Miss Lucy Ruggles who was my governess that summer that you and Uncle were in Europe. (To Miss Ruggles.) Aunt Elise has often heard me speak of you. Mrs B. I am indeed very glad to know you. Miss Ruggles. Constance has told me of the very pleasant summer that you spent with her. And who is this young man? (Turning to Andy who stands sheepishly twirling his fingers.) Is he with you? Miss R. Oh, no, I came by myself, thank you; but I know him. He's waiting to see Mr. Brixley. Andy. Yes, I got ter see him. Ma told me not to do business with anybody but him. Mrs. B. But Mr. Brixley is ill. He is not attending to any business himself. You should not bother Mr. Brixley. Mr. B. (wheeled in by Nora). Who's taking my name in vain? I got tired of waiting for you to come in for me, Elise, so I just had Nora bring me in here. I was afraid I might miss something. What's doing? Con. Uncle, this is my former governess, Miss Ruggles. My uncle, Mr. Brixley. Miss R. Very pleased to meet you, sir. Mr. B. I am very glad to know you. Miss Ruggles. You'll forgive my not rising, I know. You see, I'm a " wounded soldier " just now. FOREST ACRES 4I Miss R. Oh, yes, I knew all about your accident. Everybody down at the Crockett Farm used to read all Mr. B. The Crockett Farm! Mrs. B. The Crockett Farm! Con. The Crockett Farm! Mr. B. My dear Miss Ruggles, do tell us Mrs. B. What do you know Con. About the Crockett Farm ! Miss R. Why, I've just come from there. Andy {interrupting) . And me too, and {Hurrying on before any one can stop him.) I live down there in Gres- ham County, and our place is right next to Lem Crock- ett's, and they're our next neighbors, and I want ter buy some farm tools, and my ma, she said as how I wa'n't to talk business with anybody but the boss himself. But gosh darn it all, I can't get anybody round this here place ter even listen ter me long enough ter find out what I reely do want, from that French Duke out there, by the door, ter you folks in hero. {All laugh.) Mr. B. Well now, young man, if you'll just have pa- tience for another few minutes, I promise that I'll listen to you as long as you want me to. I'm Jeffrey Brixley, or the boss, as you say. Andy. Wall now, that's something like. Fm Andy Hobbs. Mr. Brixley, put it there. {They shake hands.) Con. And now. Miss Lucy, do tell us how you hap- pen to be at the Crockett Farm. Miss R. Why, I'm spending the summer there. Con. Really I Oh, how wonderful. Miss R. Well, I must say that I haven't found any- thing very wonderful about it so far, but I'm going back there to-night. Con. You are! Well, then I'm going with you. Miss R. You! Why, what in the world ? Con. {with a warning look at Mr. and Mrs. Brixley). Well, you see, I have been transacting some of Uncle's business for him since his accident, and Aunt EHse and I had planned to go down to-morrow anyway ; so we might 42 FOREST ACRES as well go to-night. {To Mrs. Brixley.) Run, darling, and pack your grip. Better be prepared to stay a week — it may be necessary. Miss Lucy, you go along and help her, and I'll tell you the whole story on the road as we go. Mrs. B. But darling — ^your uncle Con. {laughing). "But me no buts," Auntie dear, I'll fix everything beautifully for Nunkie {Gently propels Mrs. Brixley towards door, r.) Send Nora to me here, Auntie, please. Mr. B. Well, Constance, since you seem to be man- aging everything so beautifully, I am going to turn our young friend Mr. Hobbs over to your care. {To Andy.) Here, my young friend, is my business representative and adviser. You just tell her what you wanted to tell me, and I know that she will do everything to help you and do it even better than I could myself. Con. Uncle, that's perfectly darling of you, and now, suppose you just take Mr. Hobbs out into the other room for a little while. I want to see Nora about some of these things. (Andy starts to wheel Mr. Brixley to exit R.) And, Mr. Hobbs Andy. Gosh, ma'am, call me Andy. Everybody down home does. I don't rightly know myself, being " Mis- tered " like this. Con. {laughing). All right then, Andy it shall be, and we'll consider ourselves good friends from now on, shall we ? ( Offers him her hand. They shake. ) I was going to say, Andy, that you can tell me about everything on the way down. We'll all go down in the big car, Uncle, and these things can follow in the small truck. I'll ar- range with Thomas about it. Mr. B. Any way you wish, my dear. I've abdicated in your favor, and I'm going to give you a free hand. Con. You're a brick, Uncle Jeff, and I {Business- like tone.) certainly trust that my services in this matter will meet with your approval. {Both laugh.) But re- member, Uncle {Aside.), not a word about the letter. That's to be a dead secret. FOREST ACRES 43 Mr. B. All right, my dear, your commands shall be obeyed. Con. You can send Andy back here in a little while. He may be able to help us with some of these bundles. Andy. Oh, sure, ma'am, I'd be glad to. I'm right smart 'bout loadin' and unloadin' teams. Hed lots o' practice down home. So long, ma'am. Mr. B. We'll leave you now, dear — see you later. Con. (kisses her uncle). All right, darling. Run away now for a little while. I have just bushels of things to do. (Exit Andy and Mr. Brixley. Con- stance takes shopping list from bag, scans it, talking half aloud, half to self, sorting various bundles. ) That's all settled. The two dresses — yes (Crosses out on list.), the shoes — that's the hat for the light dress — ummhmm — those are the " unmentionables " — yes — yes — that's all right — ummhmm. Yes, I think we got everything. My, my, what a day this has been. (Stretches arms as though weary.) I wonder where Nora can be. (Enter Nora, L., picture of woe.) Oh, there you are, Nora. I was just going to — why, good gracious, child, what has happened to you? Are you ill? Have you lost any- thing? Nora (bursts out crying). Deed and I have, Miss Loring. I've lost the only thing in the world I wanted to keep, and it's all my own fault, too. . Oh, Miss Con- stance, I hope as you won't be angry, but I couldn't help hearing you a-telling Mr. Brixley that you learned in col- lege how to advise people out of their woes and worries — won't you please advise me. Miss Constance, p-1-e-a-s-e, because I — certainly am worried. Con. Why, you poor girl, of course I'll advise you, but you mustn't have too much faith in what I can do. I really am in an awful hurry to get these things packed and loaded on the truck. Nora (eagerly). On, but it won't take a minute, honest it won't, and — (Sniffles.) it's so important. Con. There, there. Of course it is. That was very selfish of me. Of course I can take a minute, but you'll 44 FOREST ACRES make it short, won't you, Nora? Well now, out with it. \They sit.) Nora. Well, ma'am, you see I've a young man, Joe McDermott by name, and he was the head waiter at the Granard Hotel. You know him. Miss Constance. Sure he was always telling me how he seen to it that you al- ways got the best table whenever you came in there for lunch, and you give him the nicest smile. Oh, he was that fond o' you, Joe was ! Con. Well, I'm glad I made a good impression. Nora. Well, Miss, I'm that foolish ! I went to a show the other night and I heard them say that the way to make yer beau love yer is to keep him guessin'. So whin I went to a dance with Joe last Saturday night I danced with all the other fellows and only give Joe one dance, and — I've — lost — him. (Throws apron over her face and cries aloud.) Con. But what did you do that for, Nora ? Nora {sniffling). Why, it was a test! Con. a what? Nora. A test. T-e-double s-t {Spelling.), test. Con. Oh, I see! A test. But why do you say you have lost him? Nora {crying again). Because I have. When I called him up this morning they told me he had gone — left — and I don't know where. He never said go-o-od- by-y-ye — oh — oh I Con. {deep thought for a moment). Nora, stop your crying at once. I know exactly what to do. You are coming with me. Run up-stairs and put a few things in a suit case and come back as soon as possible. Every- thing's going to be right as right can be. Nora. And Joe? Con. You leave that all to me. I'll have everything fixed up fine. Nora. Oh, Miss Constance, how will I ever thank you? Con. Well, don't try now, anyway. I'm in too much FOREST ACRES 45 of a hurry. Run along now and don't be long, and on your way run in and tell Mr. Brixley to come in here at once, please. Nora. Til fly, Miss. (Exit Nora, r. Constance busies herself with bun- dles, etc. Enter Mr. Brixley and Andy. ) Mr. B. You wanted me, Connie? Con. Yes, Uncle Jeff. You see, dear, I have decided that Thomas must have an assistant at once. Mr. B. Thomas! The chauffeur! But what on earth Con. " Doctor's orders." Business doctor, I mean. Mr. B. (resignedly). Oh, I see. Of course. Well, what next ? Con. Next? Oh, I shall send a young man to you, and when he comes you will please engage him at once, and when you send the car down to Gresham County to bring us home, be sure (Very emphatically.) the new — young — man — comes — with — Thomas ! This last is most important. Mr. B. Oh, I see, but (Aside.) Til be damned if I do. I'm to send the new young man down with Thomas to get you. Anything else? Con. Yes. Will you give me the telephone number of Gaines and Harcourt and then (Mysterious.) listen f Mr. B. Of course. " Chatham 6297." I'm all ears. Con. (gives number at 'phone). Hello, Gaines and Harcourt? Mr. Harcourt, please. Miss Loring speak- ing. Miss Constance Loring. Yes, very urgent. (Smiles.) Hello, Mr. Harcourt, how do you do? This is Miss Loring. Yes. I have a little matter to put into your hands. I am speaking for my uncle, Mr. Brixley. (Winks at latter; he throws up his hands in despair.) Yes. You will please send some one out at once to locate Mr. Joe McDermott, who up to yesterday was the head waiter at the Hotel Granard. Find him and send him at once to Mr. Brixley at his home. He has a position for the man. Yes, thank you. That is all. Good-bye ! 46 FOREST ACRES Mr. B. (titter consternation on his face). But, my dear — a head waiter — a chauffeur — really, I do not see. Con. (flinging herself into chair). And Auntie was worried that no one would " need my services." QUICK CURTAIN (Second Picture) (All except Mr. Brixley zvith hats and wraps on. Miss Ruggles, Mrs. Brixi.ey in background. Andy and Nora_, carrying bundles out, Constance directing them. Mr. Brixley in chair, r. c.) SLOW CURTAIN ACT III SCENE. — Same as Act I. (Curtain rises on Mr. Arthur seated, reading. Enter Hepsibah with hop, skip and jump. ) Hepsy. Oh, I say, Mr. Arthur, I just heard the most wonderful news. Mr. a. Indeed, Hepsy! What was it? Hepsy. Well, I just met Abner Stiles comin' up from the Center and he told me that two men come in on the train this morning and they was asking fer news of any- body findin' a box round here. 'Course I don't know if it's my box they mean, but sounds pretty much like it ter me ! What do you think ? Mr. a. Why, I think you are right, Hepsy. Perhaps they are after it at last. Where did Abner say they were? Hepsy. Well, he says they just come in this momin' and they're stayin' down to the hotel in the Center. They've posted a notice up in the hotel office and Abner says that they's a reward. Gee! I'm so excited! But I never told Abner a word about me finding a box. I thought maybe he'd be wantin' to claim some o' the re- ward, so I just run like blazes back here to tell you about it. Gee, but I'm warm ! (Fans herself. Enter Mrs. Crockett Tvith pan of potatoes.) Mrs. C. Hepsy, Hepsy, haven't I told you not to use any saucy words ! Hepsy. I didn't know I did, Ma. What did I say? Mrs. C. Well, it doesn't sound nice for a little girl to say " run like blazes/' That's slang. 47 48 FOREST ACRES {Seats herself and pares potatoes.) Hepsy. Well, I guess you won't blame me when I tell you why I had to " run like blazes " to git here. (Mysteriously.) Some one's come fer the box. Mrs. C. Mercy gracious ! Mr. a. Yes, and I really think there's more to this than we realize. Mrs. Crockett, if you are willing to leave the matter in my hands, I shall be glad to handle it for Hepsy. Mrs. C. Oh, yes, do, Mr. Arthur. I'd be fussed up to know what ter do, and Lemuel's too busy to bother. (Goes to R. ; calls.) Liz — Lizziebeth, come in here and git the latest news. (Enter Elizabeth, enveloped in bungalow apron, wip- ing hands on towel; smudge of flour on one cheek and arm.) Eliz. What is it. Mother? I was just getting tke cookies ready. Hepsy. Well, I guess you won't have no mind for cookies when you hear what's happened. They've come looking for the box! Eliz. Who? What box? Hepsy (in disgust). What box — ain't that just like her? Well, if that's all the brains ye get in a High School eddication, I ain't goin'. Why, the box I Our box — that I found down in your berry patch. Eliz. Really? Who's looking for it? Mr. a. Well, that's what I shall make it my business to find out before the day is over. Hepsy. And say, I didn't tell ye everything either. Abner says there's a big bunch o' strangers came to the hotel last night. He says they're all swell New Yorkers ; but. Lord! he don't know a swell New Yorker from a Wild West cowboy — ha, ha. And say, Liz, ye'd never know Andy Hobbs. He's actin* so queer. I just seen him fer a minit this mornin' and I thought he'd gone crazy. Acted as mysterious like; just as though the " spirits " had got him. FOREST ACRES 49 Mrs. C. Well, I suppose his little trip to New York's gone to his head a bit. Andy's a good boy, just the samee. Eliz. No doubt he'll be over here by and by to tell us all about it. He never can keep anything to himself very long. Well, I must get back to the cookies. Hepsy. Well, I don't think Andy'll be comin* over here right away, coz I yelled out to him ter come on over, and he yelled back ter me : " No, I can't come, and I ain't tellin' all I know neither." Now what do you think he could o' meant by that? Eliz. Well, if we wait a while we'll probably find out, and meantime I've got to get into the kitchen or there'll be no cookies. Mr. a. Yes, and Fm going to stroll down to the Center and see what I can find out about the strangers who are after that box. You still have the box safely hidden, haven't you, Hepsy ? Hepsy (going to cupboard and taking out box and showing it). Oh, yes, it's all here and fine and dandy, and everything's in it. Mr. a. {looking out window). Hello! Wonder what's happened now. Here comes Mr. Crockett run- ning as hard as he can go. Mrs. C. Lem running! Some'n awful's happened. I've never knew that man to move a step quicker'n he wanted to, unless the evil one himself was pursuing him. Glory be! What d'ye s'pose is the matter? {Enter Lemuel, rear; breathless; flings himself into chair. Fans with hat; breathes heavily; all stand expectant.) Lem. Well, by the Great Jiminy Jump Up's, and what d'ye suppose has happened now? Mrs. C. {fearfully). Oh, Lem, do cell us right away. I can't bear waitin'. Is it very bad news? Lem. Bad news. Bad fiddlesticks. Who said it wuz bad, and who's keepin' yer waitin', I'd like ter know? Ain't I talking ez fast ez my tongue kin travel? 50 FOREST ACRES Mr. a. Well, what's happened to Farmer Crockett? Lem. Well, jest about a quarter of an hour ago Peterson's boy came over after me, and said ez how I wuz wanted on the telephone over ter his store. I won- dered who in tarnation would be calling me right in the middle o' the day's work, but o' course ye never can tell, so I pelted over there, and who do ye think it wuz? All. Who, oh, who? Mr. a. I haven't the faintest idea, I'm sure. Lem. Wall, it wuz the head of the Brixley Shovel Works; himself. Mr. a. Jeffrey Brixley! Eliz. Impossible ! Lem. Impossible nuthin' ! I tell ye it was him a-callin* right down frum Noo York. Said he hed ter git me on the nearest tel-ey-phone, and he was surprised such a big man in this town as I wuz shouldn't have a 'phone in his own place. Hepsy. Sure pop, we've said that lots o' times. Lem. Wall, perhaps it mightn't be sech a bad idee to hev one in. ^«|C-] What! Lem. Why, sure. Ef it's goin' ter be used fer farm business, strikes me it might be a good investment. Mr. a. And what did Mr. Brixley want you for? Lem. Wall now, Fm comin' to that. He called me ter tell me that his wife, Mrs. Brixley, and his niece and business representative, Miss Loring, happened ter be in our neighborhood and would give themselves the pleasure of callin' on my wife and darter this afternoon. Mr. a. Well, I'll be d— ahem— de-light-ed. (Gives Elizabeth meaning look.) Mrs. C. Here — oh, Pa! Eliz. Not really, Father! What shall we do? (She and her mother look at each other in despair.) Lem. Not really. Well, by Heck, I guess it is really, and I don't know what we're all standin' round here like FOREST ACRES 5 1 a bunch o* do-nothin's. Get busy now and fix this place up a bit. {Starts to dust furniture with hat and pocket hankerchief ; Elizabeth, Hepsibah and Mrs. Crockett fiy round frantically putting things in place and dust- ing, etc.) Now I got ter go and git washed up a bit. Mr. a. I'll go along too, Mr. Crockett. I want to see a couple of men down in the village. (Starts to go with Lemuel.) I'll be back soon. I want to meet your guests. [Exit Lemuel and Mr. Arthur. Eliz. (taking off apron, revealing very shabby dress). Oh dear, what ever shall we do ? Just see the way I look, and my hair! (Goes to mirror; tries to rearrange hair.) Mrs. C. Oh, Lizziebeth, do ye think it has anything to do with that Eliz. (silences her. Looks at Hepsibah), Of course not. Mother. Don't be absurd. Oh, if it had only been any other day but this; just when I've been trying to make up my mind to go to the " social " to-night in my old rags. Well, if they're coming, they're coming, and I suppose we'll have to make the best of it. {Enter Miss Ruggles from rear. Auto horn heard outside. Miss Ruggles with voluminous auto veil tied about hat.) Hepsy. Oh, hello, Miss Ruggles. We never ex- pected you back till late. Hiram was goin* to hitch up and meet ye on the four-fifty-five train. Miss R. Well, I'm here, and I didn't wait for a train. Some friends brought me in their machine. Hepsy. Oh, some o' those swell dames you was al- ways governessing about? Miss R. Yes, the very same. And, my dear, I have {To Elizabeth.) some wonderful news for you and your mother. Eliz. For me ! Heavens ! I don't think I can stand another thing. What is it now? 52 FOREST ACRES Miss R. You are going to have some very distin- guished company in a very few minutes. Mrs. C. Well, we know that; but mercy on us, how did you know it? Hepsy. Huh ! Her ? She knows everything. Miss R. Well, I know it, because I came down with them. Miss Loring, who is Mr. Brixley's niece and busi- ness adviser, used to be a pupil of mine, and she gave me a message for you. Eliz. For me? What is it? Miss R. She is outside in the machine now, and your father is talking to her. She wants to have a few min- utes in here alone with your father before she meets you and your mother. Do you mind? Eliz. Mind? I should say not. I feel as though I shall scream right out any minute. (Goes to exit l. with Miss Ruggles.) Hepsy. Come on, Ma, we got to beat it, too. I guess we're what you would call " dee tropp." (Exit Mrs. Crockett and Hepsibah. From rear enter Lemuel and Constance, busily talking, Mrs. Brixley following.) Con. Yes, as I was saying, Mr. Crockett, I was very much surprised to find such a model farm tucked away down here. I had no idea that I was coming to such an up-to-date place. You see, the first glimpse of the house would hardly lead one to expect it. (Pauses expressively.) Lem. (rather sheepishly). Wall, I s'pose that's so. Yer see, I ben so busy gettin' things fer the farm thet I s'pose T hev rather let the house go. My wife and darter's allers tellin' me that. Where are they, by the way? I'll call 'em. Con. Oh, wait just a minute, Mr. Crockett. You see FOREST ACRES 53 I do SO enjoy having this Httle talk alone with you. We seem to understand each other so well. {Smiles at him. Mrs. Brixley shows admiration and amusement. ) Lem. Wall, I will say you're a purty bright young pusson fer a female. I ain't got much use fer most on 'em, but you do seem to make me feel real comfortable talking to you. I'll say that. Con. Oh, I'm so glad to hear you say that, because I felt the same way about you. I knew I was going to like you the moment I met you. Lem. (throzvs out chest). That's awful nice of you, ma'am — but I'll call the wife. Con. Oh, just one minute, Mr. Crockett. I wanted to say just one thing more. You see, I am representing my uncle during his illness, so he has commissioned me to talk to you about a little matter of business. I was so glad to hear you say that you had not bought anything for the house lately. It proves that my uncle has very good judgment. Lem. I don't quite git what yer drivin' at, ma'am. Con. Well, you see, it's this way. The Brixley Com- pany have adopted a new plan of doing something each year for their very best customers, in order to show their appreciation of the business that they give them. Now you know, Mr. Crockett, you are one of their very best customers, isn't he, Auntie? Mrs. B. Oh, yes indeed, one of the very best. I have often heard Mr. Brixley say so. Lem. Wall, I guess I hev given them a few good orders in my day. Mrs. B. Indeed you have. Con. Yes, and they appreciate it and they wished to do something to show that appreciation; so my uncle thought that since you had been buying so many things for the farm all these years Mrs. B. And we knew you had a wife and some girls in your family. 54 FOREST ACRES Con. That it would be much nicer to make you a gift of some things for the house. Mrs. B. And pretty things that the women could en- joy. Don't you think so ? Lem. {puzzled). Wall, I suppose it is pretty nice o' them, but I jest don't quite understand; but I'll call 'em and you kin talk to 'em yerself. I got ter think this thing out a bit. {Goes to l. ; calls loudly.) Liz, Lizzie, I want that you and yer mother should come here right away. {Enter Mrs. Crockett, Elizabeth, Miss Ruggles and Hepsibah.) Miss R. {going to Constance). My dear, I want you to meet Mrs. Crockett and Miss Elizabeth and Hepsy Crockett. Elizabeth, this is Miss Loring. And Mrs. Brixley. Miss Elizabeth and Mrs. Crockett. {They all acknowledge introductions and shake hands. Mrs. Brixley engages Mrs. Crockett in conversa- tion. Exit Lemuel, r.) Con. I'm so glad to have an opportunity of talking to you. Miss Crockett. Miss Ruggles has told me so much about you. Eliz. Well, I hope she has said nice things. You see, it was quite a surprise to me to find that Miss Ruggles knew you at all. Con. She knows me very well, I'm afraid — knows all my faults, too. Miss R. Well, they're not very bad ones, I must say. Hepsy. That's the nicest thing I ever heard Miss Ruggles say about any one. You must be " teacher's pet." Con. {laughing). Oh, I hope not, and I even hope more than that. I hope you are going to like me too, Hepsy, when we get to know each other a little better. Hepsy. Well, if I didn't like you, I'd be sure to like the duds you wear anyway. My, but them is swell FOREST ACRES 55 clothes. That's the kind you wanted, ain't it, Liz — ter wear to the Garden Party to-night ? Eliz. (embarrassed). Hepsy! Hush. Con. Oh, don't let it trouble you, Miss Crockett. Every girl likes pretty clothes. She wouldn't be natural if she didn't ; and I know that you do. Eliz. Oh, Miss Loring, please, please don't let's talk about clothes. I suppose Mr. Brixley has told you Con. (interrupting her quickly). Of course he has told me. He tells me everything. (Aside.) Not a word about that letter to anybody — and don't be a bit sur- prised whatever happens. (Mrs. Brixley rises and comes to c.) Mrs. B. You see, Miss Elizabeth, I have just been explaining to your mother that we came down here on a little matter of business for Mr. Brixley. You know he is laid up with a broken ankle. Eliz. Yes, we read of it in the paper. Mrs. B. Well, Mr. Brixley desired to (Enter Lem- uel.) send your father a gift of some sort as a mark of appreciation of the amount of business he has been giving the Brixley Company these last few years, but Constance and I thought that since he had bought so many things for the farm, that it would be so nice to have the gift take the form of something that you and your mother could enjoy. We even asked Miss Ruggles* advice too, and she agreed with us. Miss R. Yes, after being around here for four weeks, I certainly did. (Lemuel collapses speechless in chair.) Mrs. B. (spies Lemuel). So you see, Mr. Crockett, this time you are going to be left out in the cold. Con. (turning to him). Have we your permission to bring the things in, Mr. Crockett? Nora and Andy Hobbs are waiting outside till we give the word. Mrs. C. Andy Hobbs ! Good Land o' Goshen, what does he know about it? 56 FOREST ACRES A Hepsy. Hep oh! Now I begin to see it all. He's been to New York, and I suppose he was in on the secret and that's why he acted like a ** crowin' rooster " when I saw him. Gee! I don't understand this whole busi- ness one bit. I hate mysteries. Con. Is it all right, Mr. Crockett? May we bring the things in? Lem. (resignedly). Oh sure, don't ask me. I ain't in this party. You women folks suit yerselves. I'll not interfere. Con. Oh, Mr. Crockett, that's so nice of you! But then I knew that we could count on you to help. (Goes to door and waves.) All right, Nora. Come in, Andy. (Miss Ruggles and Mrs. Brixley motion all others to various positions about the room. Enter Andy and Hiram, each with large rug rolled up. Drop them to floor, pick up old rugs, throw them out of way, put down new ones. Enter Nora, laden with bundles. Mrs. Brixley, Constance and Miss Ruggles take them from her. She goes out, returns with more ; also Andy and Hiram bring in steamer trunk, suit case, etc. Con- stance, to Elizabeth and Hepsibah.) Don't you girls want to help us too? (Gives them new curtains to put up, arranges number of potted plants, Madiera cloth for table, several sofa cushions and decorative draperies. If possible, one or two new chairs, sections for a bookcase, etc. A victrola to replace the old one, with a number of records. Several good pictures. Every one excited, run- ning back and forth, bumping into each other, laughing, all talking at the same time. Hiram brings in step- ladder; Constance climbs it to hang a picture; Andy helps her up, hands her hammer, nails, etc. Constance, from toj) of ladder. ) Come now, Mr. Crockett, we can't do all this without your help. Have I got this picture quite straight? Lem. Wall, I cal'late you hev, accordin' to my eye. (Looks around.) But I swan, I never did think that fixin's could make so much difference in a place. (Enter Mr. Arthur, rear.) FOREST ACRES 57 Mr. a. Hello, what's all this? Well, w-h-e-w-w-w. (Whistles.) (At sound of his voice, Constance turns round on ladder, looks astonished, and sits down on top rung of ladder, dropping hammer in surprise, and nar- rowly escapes hitting Lemuel with it.) Con. Well, Franklyn Arthur, where under the sun did you drop from ? Mr. a. Drop from? Why, my dear young lady, I've been staying at this farm for nearly a month. Con. You have! (Looks at Miss Ruggles.) Miss R. Good land, child, I clean forgot all about telling you that. We had so much to talk about that it clean went right out of my head. Hepsy. I'll bet it's the first time in her life that she ever forgot to pass on any news. Mrs. C. (zvarningly) , Hepsy! Mr. a. But I say, who's the fairy here whose magic wand has changed everything like this ? (Shakes hands with Mrs. Brixley.) Eliz. Oh, it is Miss Loring and Mrs. Brixley. They've both been just wonderful, Mr. Arthur. Mr. a. Mr. Arthur? I thought we had decided that it was to be " Franklyn " after this ? (Elizabeth looks embarrassed. Constance looks at him sharply and descends ladder. Mr. Arthur of- fers her his assistance. She waves him aside and takes Lemuel's hand to help her down.) Con. Fairy! Nothing! Why, we haven't even be- gun yet. You have yet to meet the original " Fairy Godmother." (Points to Mrs. Brixley.) We've got the house fixed up. Now you are going to see how the people look. (Enter Hiram and Andy, Nora and Hep- sibah with more boxes and bundles. ) Now, Miss Crock- ett, will you go to your room, please, with Nora, and let 58 FOREST ACRES her leave some of these things there? (Opens trunk. Holds up suit, dark dress, shoes, etc., one after another.) These are what the Fairy Godmother has brought to you, but if you will go with Nora, she'll have you back here in fifteen minutes, and I promise you that you will not miss a thing of what's going on. Eliz. Well, we've put ourselves in your hands, as Father says, so I suppose I must obey orders. [Exit, L,, Nora and Elizabeth. Mrs. B. And now, Mrs. Crockett, if you will let Miss Ruggles and me go with you to your room, we promise that you, too, shall be back in fifteen minutes. Mrs. C. Oh, but really I can't be Lem. Oh, go 'long. Ma. Don't alius be argyfying 'bout something. Mrs. C. Very well, Lem, if you say so. (Mrs. Brixley takes a box, and Miss Ruggles a bun- dle. Exit both with Mrs. Crockett.) Hepsy. Gee! I must be a stepchild round here. I feel as if I wuz goin' ter bawl. Con. {quickly). Why, Hepsy, child, of course you are not going to do any such thing. I only kept you here until the last because I am going to fix you up myself. Hepsy {delightedly). You are! Really, Miss Lor- ing? What am I going to have? Con. You just wait and see! Andy, please open my suit case and give me the brush and comb that you see there. (Picks up bundle and starts to open it.) Now, Hepsy, you come over here behind the curtain, and I'll have you changed in less than two shakes of a lamb's tail. Do you know how long that is, Mr. Crockett? Lem. 'Deed I do, ma'am; 'deed I do. (Chuckles.) Purty smart gal, that ; purty smart. (Constance and Hepsibah retire for few moments while Hepsibah's dress is being changed. This may be done in any way convenient.) Con. (from behind curtain). Oh, Franklyn, will you FOREST ACRES 59 please find me a bundle containing a pair of slippers for Hepsy? It's right there on top. Mr. a. Why, yes, gladly, but how will I know it ? I wouldn't dare open most of these bundles. Con. Oh, you'll know it by the shape. It's all " stick-y out " and irregular. Andy. Yep. I seen it. Looks like it had warts on the top. Here, I'll help ye find it. (Hiram, Andy, Lemuel and Mr. Arthur all search frantically for parcel.) Lem. Here it be. I got it. {Attempts to straighten up. Claps hand on hack.) Ouch! Gosh all tarnation. I jest dropped a stitch in my back. Guess I ain't ez young ez I used ter be ! Con. {coming out from behind curtain with Hepsibah, the latter all arrayed in new gown). Nonsense, Mr. Crockett; you're still a young man. Mustn't talk about getting old for the next twenty years yet. (Lemuel grins. Constance takes brush and comb and ribbon.) Now, Hepsy, just get into these slippers and then sit down here while I fix your hair. (Hepsibah slips on new shoes. Business of having hair combed, pidled, twisted and arranged while four men look on, expressing opinions, disapproval, offer- ing suggestions, etc., such as: "I shotdd think it ought ter be hoisted a leetle over the left ear," or " Why don't yer tie the ends with a red ribbon like we put on the end of Betsy cow's tail, ha, ha!" When work is finished, enter Mrs. Crockett, Miss Rug- GLES and Mrs. Brixley from r., Mrs. Crockett arrayed in silken gown, hair becomingly dressed; vast improvement in appearance.) Lem. {looking at her in astonishment). Wall, I snumb! Hiram. 1 (5^3},, Gee! Andy, j Hepsy. Lordy, Ma, you look almost as nice as I do. 6o FOREST ACRES (Pirouettes around.) Con. Well, you certainly do look awfully nice, Mrs. Crockett. Now we can see what a pretty woman you really are. (To Lemuel.) Don't you think so? Lem. Holy Jumpin' Jiminy! I don't know what to think round here any more. It just don't all seem nat- ural ter me somehow. I ain't quite got this thing figgered out ter my own satisfaction yet. Why should (Scratches head as though thinking hard. Con- stance smiles at her aunt and Mr. Arthur.) Mrs. B. Oh, well, Mr. Crockett, that's because it's all new to you just now. When you see how nice they all look when they are dressed up you will want them to look like that all the time. Con. Well, just wait. The best is yet to come. I'll wager you'll be proud of your daughter when she gets to the Garden Party to-night, Mr. Crockett. Look at her. (Enter Elizabeth in beautiful summer costume, hat and parasol to match. Nora follows with wrap. All stand in admiration.) Mr. a. (going to her and leading her to c). My word, but you are a picture, Miss Beth. I shall be mighty proud to be your escort. Eltz. Oh, Miss Loring, I think it's all so wonderful. I don't dare to begin to thank you or I know I shall break down. I've got a big lump in my throat already. Hepsy. Well, look at me, and fergit it. Don't I look like a real Fifth Avenoo millionaire kid? Eliz. You surely do look very nice, Hepsy, and oh! Oh! Mother! (Runs to^ Mrs. Crockett, puts head on her shoulder and cries. Mrs. Crockett begins to dab eyes with handkerchief. ) Miss R. (briskly). Here, here, this will never do. We can't have any water works here. Stop all that FOREST ACRES 6l nonsense right away. Do you know I've got to go to that Garden Party, or I know I shall just burst out of sheer curiosity. Not for the world would I miss seeing the natives stare at the whole pack of you. Now {Look- ing round. ) who's going to take me ? Con. Well, I have decided to go with Auntie, and Andy has offered to be our escort. Miss R. Well, then, Hiram, I guess you'll have to take me. As long as Evelina's not here I'm sure it won't matter, and I know Evelina wouldn't mind anyway. {Aside.) I'm not inclined to rob the cradle anyway. Hepsy. Well, I'm going to that party too, and I'm going to take some o' my own money along and spend it, and celebrate, and have a high old time. Say, Mr. Ar- thur, I'd never dare ter go down ter the berry patch in these duds, would I? {Laughs.) Mrs. C. Land o' Goshen, child, I should hope not. Mr. a. Well, your mother has answered for me, Hepsy, but you folks have been giving me so many sur- prises and shocks since I came in — one after the other — that the news that I had to tell you went completely out of my head. Hepsy, where's that box you found last spring ? Hepsy. Oh, I got it in the cupboard. Want ter see it ? Mr. a. Yes, let me have a look at it again. (Hep- siBAH goes to closet, brings box to Mr. Arthur, who opens it and looks at contents.) Well, I guess you have won the prize, little girl. These certainly must be the plans they are looking for. Mrs. B. {excited), Plans^found around here — in a tin box — why, Mr. Brixley is offering a reward of a thousand dollars for the return of those papers. Mrs. C. Good Land o' Goshen, don't tell me that ! Mr. a. Well, it looks as though Hepsy gets the money. She found the box, and from what I heard down in the village to-day, these certainly are the miss- ing plans. This is going to mean considerably more than a thousand dollars to you. Farmer Crockett. It will mean that the railroad is going to need a strip of 62 FOREST ACRES your land to put their line through. They'll pay you well for it, I haven't a doubt. Con. Well, well, and so Hepsy found the box. Good for you, child. I'm glad you are going to get the thou- sand dollars. Hepsy. Oh me! I don't want the money. I don't need it. I make all I want off o' the summer boarders. (IVinks at Mr. Arthur.) Let Liz have it. I found the box on her land anyway; so she'd be entitled to a half at that. She kin hev it all, and then she kin open her tea-room that she's set her heart on so. I don't want it. Eliz. Hepsy! (Hugs her.) You're a dear generous child ! But, darling, I couldn't take the money from you, and besides — well, you see — I — well, I — don't Mr. a. (coming to c. and taking her hand). Well, you see, folks, Elizabeth's not quite so sure now about wanting to open a public tea-room, because she's prom- ised to share a private one with me very soon. (Elizabeth, blushing, goes to her mother and father and kisses them. All others crowd around, laugh- ing, congratulating her. Babel of voices. Auto horn sounds outside. Man's voice heard calling. Andy runs to rear door and assists Jeffrey Brix- LEY to hobble in on crutches.) Mrs. B. Jeffrey Brixley ! Whatever made you do this? Con. (going to him). Nunkie darling, you're a brick ! Mr. B. I just couldn't resist the temptation. I had to come down and see the fun. (They put him in a chair. Nora brings pillows, footstool. Miss Ruggles puts nezv record on graphophone and winds it up.) By the way, Constance, I came down over the road in the machine. Thomas drove, but he has a new assistant who came down with us. He's a very nice chap, and he's waiting outside all alone! His name is Joe McDermott. (Nora drops crutches which she is carrying, gives a loud shriek, runs to Constance and seises her hands. ) FOItEST ACRES 63 Nora. Oh, Miss Constance, you darling, you darling. You did it, you did it, just as you said you would. Oh, how can I ever thank you, how can I ? (Hugs Constance.) Con. There, there, Nora, that's all right. Don't waste them on me ! Save them for Joe. (Nora rushes out, rear. Auto horn gives one long wail, then is silent.) Lem. (comes to c). Say, Miss Loring, I've jest about got " hep " to all this here business now. 1 am t no dunce, yer know, and I kin see that it wuz all meant fer me. Wall, ye've learned me a lesson, and I amt likely ter fergit it. I ain't a man ter do things by halves, neiiher, so I don't guess there'll be any cause fer com- plaint round here after this. I've got my eyes opened now So let's shake hands, young lady, jest ter show there ain't no hard feelin's. (They shake hands.) Con. Mr. Crockett, you're a trump. I knew you could be depended on every time. (All laugh.) (Miss Ruggles starts music, playing ''What's the Matter With Father— He's All Right." Hepsibah begins to dance. Constance seises Andy and starts a jig. Mr. Arthur takes Elizabeth and joins m. Miss Ruggles, with an air of desperation, takes Mrs Brixley and they dance. Finally, with a loud " Whoop," Lemuel Crockett takes his wife and they all do an old-fashioned Virginia Reel, Mr. Brixley thumping the floor with one crutch and slapping his knee with his free hand, keeping time to the music.) SLOW CURTAIN [Note.—// Hiram is doubling for Jeffrey Brixley he may exit at any convenient time to make the neces- sary change of costume.] •a for Junior High Schools illy Luna r. Bob ^e Man from BraMoa Box of Monkeys Rice Pudding lass Day hums k Easy Mark a's New Housekeeper k>t On the Program he Cool Collegians le Elopement of Ellen immy's Wife .hnny's New Suit lirty Minutes for RefreshflieBW A^est of Omaha jhe Flying Wedge 'My Brother's Keeper The Private Tutor Me an' Otis Up to Freddie My Cousin Timmy Aunt Abigail and the Boyr I Caught Out Constantine Pueblo Jotiw The Cricket On the Hearth The Deacon's Second Wife Five Fe-t of Love The Hurdy Gurdy Girl Camp Fidelity Girls Carroty Nell A Case for Sherlock Holmci The Clancey Kids The Happy Day I Grant You Three Wlshe* Just a Little Mistake The Land of Night Local and Long Distance The Original Two Bits An Outsider i Fudge of Trouble ious Pickle ,,ut irst National Boot /His Father's Son i The Turn In the Road J A HaH Back's Interference The Revolving Wedge Mose |#«/«i F*maln Tims 3 4 i>^. ^i^s. 3 3 2 2 4 3 5 3 3 3 4 3 2 4 4 3 5 , 5 5 % 2 9 9 lo 6 6 5 9 s 4 4 3 3 3 2 2 2 3 4 3 5 5 3 3 5 3 3 4 6 8 2 2 4 7 6 6 9 II 15 lo 14 7 14 .1 6 7 7 6 6 5 7 2 % IX " 1% * H ' H ' J < H ' ^/^ ' 2 * K ' 'A ' 2 2 I 2 ^A 2 ^A 2 2 I y^ H iX ^/ >^ >^. /2 BAKER, Hamilton 14 9 lo 5 3 II lO I Place, Boston, Mass. Pric0 I 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 35c 35c 25c 25c 25c 25<3 25 c 35*- 25c 25 c 25c 25c 25c 35c 25c 35c 25c 35c 35c 25c 35c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 25c 35c 25c 25c 25c 2''JC Jl LIBRARY Plays and Novelties Camp Fidelity Qirl8 Anita's Trial The Farmerette Behind the Scenes The Camp Fire Girls A Case for Sherlocic aolmes The House in Laurel Lane Her First Assignment 1 Grant You Three Wishes Joint Owners in Spain Marrying Money The Original Two Bits The Over-Alls Club Leave it to Polly The Rev. Peter Brice, Bachelor Mf ss Fearless & Co. A Alodern Cinderella Theodore, Jr. Rebecca's Triumph Aboard a Slow Train ioMlzzonry Twelve Old Maids An Awkward Squad The Dlow-Up of Algernon Blow The Doy Scouts A Close Shave Tbe First National Boot A Half- Back's Inteifcrence His Father's Son The Man With the Nose On the Quiet The People's Money A Regular Rah I Rah I Boy A Regular Scream Schmerccase in School The Scoutmaster The Tramps' Convention The Turn in the Road Wanted— a Pitcher What They Did for Jenkins Aunt Jerusha's Quilting Party The District School at Blueberry Corners The Emigrants* Party Miss Prim's Kindergarten A Pageant of History The Revel of the Year Scenes in the Union Depot Taking the Census in Bingville The Village Post-Office O'Keefe's Circuit BAKER, Hamilton Place. Boston, Mass. fir^v 181778