PR0WPTNES8 will be sent by ^"atSes sUt free. An7Play: Dialogue Book. Speaker ' ^ Guide Book. Wigs and Beard^.-in/act a'^^S^'^i/ ni,l o A. D. AMES, Dramatic Publisher Clyde, Ohio. LU ^ AMES' SERIES OF STANDARD AND MINOR DRAMA, pS^3S ND. 225. ,^3R615 \ CUPID'S CAPERS ( FARCE-COMED Y. ) WITH CAST OF CHARACTERS, ENTRANCES, AND EXITS, RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE PERFORMERS ON THE STAGE, DESCRIPTION OF COSTUMES, AND THE WHOLE OF THE STAGE BUSINESS, CARE- FULLY MARKED FROM THE MOST AP- PROVED ACTING COPY. PRICE 15 CENTS. ^ac CLYDE, OHIO; A. D, AMES, PUBLISHER, j^ No goods sent C. 0. D. Payment MUST accompany all orders. ^ ALPHABETICAL LIST DP ^ ximBs' Editian of Plays. •* »vSe^T- — •♦" FIFTEEN CENTS EACH I^NLESS OTHERWISE MARKED. 2 164 39 43 luo 125 89 113 226 14 160 161 60 152 173 143 176 162 117 207 52 76 141 26 191 194 <1 46 227 211 l(i3 9] 36 34 229 22.3 81 85 S3 196 29 18 10 45 79 144 b7 97 119 92 112 71 105 7 201 193 200 121 DRAMAS. A Desperate Game 3 2 After Ten Years 7 5 A Life's Revenge 7 5 Arrah de Baugh 7 5 Aurora Floyd 7 2 Auld Robin Gray 25c ....13 8 Beauty of Lyons 11 2 Bill Detrick 7 3 Brae, the Poor House Girl.... 4 4 Brigands of Calabria 6 1 Conn; or. Love's Victory 11 3 Dora 5 2 Driven to the Wall 10 3 Driven from Home 7 4 East Lynne 8 7 Emigi-ant's Daughter 8 3 Factory Girl 6 3 Fielding Manor 9 6 Hal Hazard, 25c. .-^.10 3 Heroic Dutchman of '76 8 3 Henry Granden 11 8 How He Did It 3 2 Hidden Treasures 4 2 Hunter of the Alps 9 4 Hidden Hand 15 7 Lights and Shadows of the Great Rebellion, 25c 10 5 Lady of Lyons ,...12 5 Lady Aud ley's Secret 6 4 Man and Wife 12 7 Maud's Peril 5 3 Midnight Mistiike 6 2 Al ilium's Crime 5 2 Michael Erie 8 3 Miller of DerwentAVater 5 2 Mistletoe Bough 7 3 Mountebanks (The) _ 6 2 Old Honesty 5 2 Old Phil's Birthday 5 3 Outcast's Wife 12 3 Out on the Woild :.... 5 4 Oath Bound 6 2 Painter of Ghent 5 3 Poacher's Down 8 3 Reverses 12 6 Rock Allen 5 3 Spy of Atlanta, 25c 14 3 Thekla .; 9 4 The False Friend 6 1 The Fatal P.low 7 1 The Forty-Niners 10 4 'I'he Grntlmian in Black 9 4 The New Magdalen 8 3 The lieward of Crime 5 8 Through Snow and Sunshine 6 4 The Vow of the Ornani 7 1 Ticket of Leave Man 9 3 Toodles 7 2 Uncle Tom's Cabin 15 / Will-o'-the-Wiap 9 4 41 Won at Last 7 3 192 Zion 7 4 TEMPERANCE PLAYS. 73 At Last 7 75 Adrift 5 187 Aunt Dinah's Pledge 6 202 Drunkard [The] „ 13 185 Drunkar I's Warning 6 189 Drunkard's Doom 15 181 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 'ard's Life 13 183 Fruits of the Wine Cup 6 104 Lost 6 146 Our Awful Aunt 4 5;;! Out in the Streets ~... 6 51 Rescued 5 59 Saved 2 102 Turn of the Tid» 7 63 Three Glasses a Day 4 62 Ten Nights in a Bar-Room... 7 58 Wrecked 9 COMEDIES. 168 A Pleasure Trip 7 A Legal Holiday 5 An AlHicted Family 7 Caste 5 199 Home 4 174 Love's Labor Not Lost 3 149 New Years in N. Y 7 37 Not So Bad After All 6 237 Not Such a Fpol as Ue Looks 6 126 Our Daughters 8 114 Passions 8 219 Rass and Bottles..: 4 221 Solon Shingle : 14 87 The Biter Bit 3 TRAGEDIES. 16 The Serf 6 FARCES AND COMEDIETTAS. 129 Aar-u-ag-oos 2 132 Actor and Servant 1 12 A Capital Match 3 1G6 A Texan Mother-in-Law 4 30 A Day Well Spent 7 169 A Regular Fi.x 2 80 Alarmingly Suspicious 4 78 An Awft.l Criminal 3 3 65 An Unwelcome Return 3 1 31 A Pet of the Public 4 2 21 A Romantic Attachment 3 3 123 A Thrilling Item 3 1 20 A Ticket of Leave 3 2 175 Betsey Baker 2 2 8 Better Half 5 2 86 Black vs. White 4 2 22 Captain Smith 3 3 84 Cheek Will Win , 3 225 Cupi 's Capers .„, 4 4 49 Der Two Surprises 1 1 136 124 178 jfi CUPID'S CAPERS. A FARCE-COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, BERT RICHARDS. Author (jf "Fvuliiuj With The Wron. — aside) Gee, but ain't it a paralyzer ? {exiti..\¥.. Mrs. D. {siltino) Nannie is a perfect angel of a child, .md I'm sure that Mr. Duffer cannot helj) thinUiiig the world of hor after he gets to know her a little better. Lucky it is for me that MoUie has succeeded in getting married at Inst to tiiat Jack Frcdson, because if Mr. DufTer had ever found his son Jim iiere courting one of my daughtei's the chances are that he would have been frightened away never to return. It reall}- does seem very strange though that Nan enters v. d. hnrriedbj, and puts arms around Mrs. Duskx- BERKOf's neck. Mrs. Dusenbkkry's hair falls down and Nan picks up wig and puts it on. Mrs. Dusenbei!I!V screams. Nan. Oh, ma! Chawley came just now and Katrina ran against him and bumped her nose and it bleds and I guess she can't go, and Chawley fell down and tore his pants and he can't come in. Stands on back of chair; Mrs. Dusexbekry rises and the chair fnlls over with Nax. Mrs. D. Why, you crazy child, do you know what you've done? {tries to fix, hair Nan. But I gave him a pair of pa's old pants to put on and he will be in in a minute. Now you ain't mad, are you, ma? Tickles Mrs. D. under chin; Mrs. D. slaps her and she (joes under table. Mrs. I). Why you horrid cliild ! Mr. Duffer coming in here and luy hair looking like this? Tell him 1 will be down in a minute. {exit hurriedly, L, 3 E. Nan. (cominij from under table) Don't git excited, ma! Well, I declare! things is gittin' a little mixed, ain't they? Guess I'll go and find Chawley. {exit r. 1 e. Mrs. D. enters l. 3 b. caatioashj, ijets icig from chair, and exit l. 3 e., hurriedly. Mr. D. and Nan enter r. 1 e., arm in arm. Nan. Oh, my! Chawley, it w;is just awful ! I just came in to tell her that you'd come and 1 hugged her and her hnir all came down and she couldn't stay and she iiad to go and she said I might stay with you until she came back and she said she'd be buck ii^etty soon and— (stops to take breath Mr. D. {heaves siijh of relief) Guess 1 won't wait, CUPID'S CAPE US. 6 Goes R. 1 K. Nax 'imlls him back by coat tails, and gtts camhj and gum out of pockets. Nan. Jfow don't git uneasy cause ma'U be down in a minute and said j'ou was to Avait. Wiiy, she used to be longer than this lots of times when old "Deacon Brown" used to come here. Say, ain't you awful glad I'm here to entertain you? Why, you wouldn't know where to sit, nor nothing. Xow, there's that chair over there is all busted. Mollie and her feller s:it down on it and broke it and we don't use it no more, but ma Just keeps it in here 'cause it matches with the sofa. I'll bet 'twould a bin just like you to flop yourself right down onto it and knock tlie very last leg out. Say I s'|)ose you try it! I won't tell. Oh, you're afraid to — you're afraid. Well, here's a picture book, then; if you're sure your hands are clean, (takes album from table) Ma allers tells me that, 'cause the albunt gets daubed sometimes. (Duffku sleeps) There, this is her picture. You know it's her, don't you? It's like her; but she ain't half as good looking, of course ! This is me. Now ain't that a daisy? It's the best in the whole .album; but say I you'd never thought I was ever little as that, now would you? (puts book down; pvts gum in mouth and sighs) Say, Chawley, it's awful wearisome tryin' to entertain big folks, ain't it? Well, there, I declare, I for- got to take your hat. itakes hat off' of 'Mil. t).'^ head and Jinds him asleep; puis hat on table and ^cakes him) S;i|ft, Chawley, does big folks allers go to sleep when tliey is visitin'? {sits on Mr. D.'h knee) Have you got real awful good teeth? Mr. D. No. Xan. Then I guess I'll leave my gum on the back of your chair 'till I come back, (sticks gum on back of chair) I've got to go now 'cause ma '11 be down in a minute and she's liable to think I'm get- tin' too gidt siimfin'. Mas'r .lim done sent me down hyarjes'on purpose to go t«i iht post office an' dis chile hab don gone an forgot all about it. (Jo-h, hut I's tirel ! I's workin too hard for,, a coin- mon ordinary culiud m;in. But say! I ain't no nigger and if you'll agree not to give if aiway I'll tell you all about it. Well, yoii see, me and some more of de boys was down practicing for a minstrel show last week and AVink Ellis he done stole all de w.iter so we couldn't wash; dat's a fac, but of course, you don't have ter be- lieve it. Well, I's oIIIlc boy fer ole massa Duller and massa Jim— dat's his son — and 1 wouldn't be white man again fer thousand dollars— no ind.ed ! Well, I mus' hustle back to de po-t otfice an' git de mail fer uiassa .lim. I's glad dat I's got ter work pretty hard any how, i-oz when a man ain't got nuHin' to do he's allers a gittin' into trouble sonu; way or other. Adam and Eve had a soft snap whendey was in parailiso, but (ley couldn't hold de iob down G C'ifi'ID'S CAP.EES, coz dei'e wasn't nnf terdo; yoii see if (ley had done been busy a pickin' cotton or suffln' like dat dey wouldn't a had no time to fool away stealin' apples and a monkeying wid de snake. I think I kin reach dat post otJice in abo\it free steps, {exit v,., takimj lonrf strides SCENE III— Law office 0/ Duffer & Sox, second (jrooves.— Bell and hooks on table, r. v. f..; desk and chairs. — Tim seated irith feet nn desk examininrj letter. Jim. Well, I must at least "give the devil his due." Jack has certainly sustained, in a most adniirable manner, the reputation which he gained at college, of always taking the lead in "catching on" to every bit of interesting information; but when I \yrote him of my contemplated marriage with iSroHie Dusenberry, which 1 explained was to be an affair of both love and policy, little did T think ot receiving such a reply as this, (reads) "Dear old Jim; You will, iierhaps, be somewhat surprised to learn that when your very welcome letter of the 0th, came to hand that it found me in the act of writing you upon the very same subject. The co- incidence can be accounted for, liowever, in this way. I learned, some time since, that you were strielcen by the fair "Mollie," and fearing from what I knew of your financial condition tiiat you might be influencad, to a certain degree, by the reputed wealth of her mother, the widow Dusenberry, I was about giving you a few "pointei-s' about her affairs. The ditliculty is just this: Ever since the squire's demise they have been searching in vain for tlie Avill which he is supposed to have made, and in ease the will is not found shortly, the bulk of the fortune will go to that scape- grace of a son, by a former marriage, Clarence Dusenberrv, alias "Two Aces," the gambler and thief, and the family will be left almost penniless. You will readily see from this that your future prospects are not apt to be brightened perceptibly, by such an alliance. Begging you to excuse the presumption on mj^ part in olfering you this advice, I remain .is ever, your friend, Jack." P. S. I forgot to mention the fact that Miss Mollie and I were married on the Stli, so you will readily "tumble" to the source of my information; but don't grieve, Jim, Nan is left yet. J." He can have her and welcome, curse him ! I shall now do all in my power to find that will for Mrs. Dusenberry— only if luckily I should discover it. Jack may rest assured that it will not benefit him in the least, for if it ever gets into my hands it shall certainly be destroyed. (rin>is) I will go down immediately and ofter mj' services to the dear widow. Confound my luck anyhow! I never suspected there was the least danger of Mollie's playing me false, but it seems she has, and "there's no use crying over spilled milk." Enter Rastus n. 1 ic. Jiastus. Did yer ring dat ar' bell for me, massa Jim ? Jim. Y^es, Rastus, I am going out for a short time and want you to remain here in the office until I return oi- until the Gov- ernor gets back. Do you understand? Jiastus. Yes, massa Jim, Rastus luierstiui' all 'i..'u. ir. aside) Gosh, but won't dis hyar nigger hab a daisy lini • all niuiie in dis q^e. Whe'svl but I'i gwan ter hev a circus. {•hmc.'s a fe>': steps CUPID ^S CAPEBS. 7 Jim. If an}' of our clients shoukl happen to call, you may re- quei=t thorn to wait, and inform them that one of us will be in .sl)ortlv. Vastus. K'reot, massa Jhn. {exit Jim p., 2 e.) Gosh, but ain't dis hyar jes' elegant? Dis hyar nigger am done gwan ter be a lawyer his; elf, jes' same as white folks, fer a little while, {takes booi from tnhle ami sits v:it]t feet on desk) Fotch in de suckers now, an dis nigger '11 skin 'em to perfection, jes' same as massa Jim or de Guv'nor. {reads) "Where a hereditament, (Gosh, but dat word auj most a corker) consists entirely of an estate entailed, the principle involved difiers, somewhat, from ti»e one previously mentioned." (scratches head and reflects) Yes, I's convinced dat am a fac', {reads from cover) "Blackstone's Commentaries." — I guess dat am not jes' de look dat dis hyar chile wuz a lookin' for. (rises a)td puts book avay) Gosh, but dis hyar bratn work am tough; it am berry much worse dan pickin' cotton or hoeln' corn. {takes bottle and (jlass from table, looks at (jlass and puts it doicn and drinks from bottle.) Guess 1 better take a lay otf an go out in de fresh nir fer awhile. Gosli, but I's tirod I {exit n. 2 e. SCmXE IV — Street in first (jroores. Katrixa e»fers l. xi^ith band- ai/e on her nose. Katrina. Veil, I vas got away after all without bringing dot leedle 2als along mit r.ie. I dinks »lot if fodder vas ever haf von leedle gals so bad like dot, he vas make dem onp into bologna sau- sage, or do soniediiigs like dot. Say, I youst dinks I vas know der oldt lady vas like to haf me dake dose leedle kid along mit me. I dinks dot she vas going to caunnj mit dot old Dufler und she vas afraid of being disturbed. Veil, they vas got married for all I care. I vas got married mj'self somedimHs, w lu'n my Karl Grocer come back. . He vas my fellers, but I haf not seen him for a long times already. Maybe he vas got struck after some o ler leedle "Deitcher gals." I guess I vas go tlown by der boist office ouet und see if my Karl haf write mc a letter already by dis time. {exit r. SCPJXE V—Same as scene first. Miis. D. and Duffeu on sofa. DrFFKR's head is bound up and Mrs. D. is bathiivj it u-ith cam- phor. Mrs. D. It is really terrible to think of your having lain here all this tinje in a swoon . and no one near to help you; but I thought surely that you had gone. Xannie came and reported that you were in in a hurry and couldn't wait for me to come down. Xax enters r. u. e., and stays up stage. Mrs. D. Does the camphor make your head feel any better "dovie?" ' ' Xan. (aside) Yes, dolling, I feel much bettah now. Mr. D. Yes, my dear, a considerable better, but there is such a violent ringing in my left ear. . Nan. (aside) Poor thins! / S CUPID'S CAPERS. Mrs. D. Don't you tlilnk you had better lay your ear over on my shoulder, sweetest? {piits Dukfer's head on her shonWler) There, isn't that much nicer, love? Xiin. {as lilt') Oh, rats, ma! Entpv Jim, n. V. K., and stands in front of Nan. Duffeu spreads handerchief in front o/Mks. D. and kneels. Siusivoons and falls into Nan's arms. Nan screains. Mrs. D. and Dufff.r run of x.. Nan helps Jim to sofa and (jets camphor bottle. Xan. Ma's got Chawley pretty solid, ain't she? {J lU groans) Oiiess he ain't had enough camphor yet. {ponrs camphor on Jim's hi-ad) Say, tills is just lilce them, ain't it, Jim? You ain't afraid though, are j'ou? {yets candy from Jim's pocket) Say, do you think I'm too fresh? Jim. Oh, no I quite the opposite, {aside) I wonder when it escaped. Xdii. Didn't you feel awful wlien Mollie got married to that otlier feller? You was clean gone on her, wasn't j'ou, Jim? {lays head on Jim's shoulder) I Ivinder like j'ou some mj'self. (takes ijnm out of month and offers Jim part) Don't you want half of my gum? Jim. Thanks, awfully, but I'm suffering from a violent tit of the toothache. Xan. {rubs camphor on Jim's /ocfi) There, don't that make it feel better? You can chew gum now pretty soon, can't you? Jim. {risimi) Excuse nie, but 1 came to see your mother on very imix)rtant business. Will you please send the old Lady in for a few minutes? Xan. No. I don't believe she'd come now 'cause she's got 'por- tant business with your pa, an' I don't think they '11 git through very soon either, but you can go out where they are. Ma won't care. Oh, sa\'! do you know that your i)a and my ma are going to git married, and then me and you '11 be relation and we can have just dead loads of fun. Don't you think I'm kinder nice anyhow, and ain't you stuck on having me for a relation? Jim. {aside) She would be quite a valuable addition to the fam- ily, {aland) I^et us go and see ma and then we can talk over other matters later. Xan. All riglrf, then, come on. I'll show you the way. (theji exit I... Nan leadina Jim b)/ the hand SCEXE VT — Street in first fjrootcs. Sign u of ^^ Jail." Enter Kauv «., looks at sifjn and laitfjhs. Karl. I vas in dere but I haf come ouet. {pause) Veil, uf j'Oii don't bolief I haf come ouet, I vas go pack und I come ouet again. Yes, indeed ! You see 1 vas youst going down der street youst like dot; see? {crosses i,.) und I va« see von leedle ilster ofercoit or somedings like dot, und I youst take hold of him like dot, see, und I git a crimp in mj' hand uiid don'd could let go of der lister, see? Yell, I youst got down by Yawcup Eiii.»tL'in's ouet und der bolice he come along git a crimp on me und he couldn't let go. Yes, indeetl Yell, 1 git thirty days, {pause) Yell, I deetl Shim-- CUPTD'S CAPEnS. inetta, but my heart vas all broke up in little pieces, yes, indeed! You see peforo I vas ni>tii>;.iting in der pie house, here, (points to jail) I vas pooty sleek on der turf; yes, I vas quite Jtop and I vas haf more as fifteen gals alrea So help me gracious, but here gooms Katrina now 1 By der great horned spoon, but I must look pooty sweot now. (jixes tie and hat and smiles, Katkixa enters i,.) Vy, Katrina, how you vasV Katrina. None of your peesiness, Karl. You don't like rae any more und 1 vas hear dot you haf lots of more gals und I dinks dot vas so, for you haf not been to see me lor efer und efer so long. Fodder hat' heard you vas a bad mans, too, und he won't let you come any more. KarJ, (shov'iHf/ jist) See dot? Dot would feex der olt mans. Katrina. Wh.nt! You wouldn't hit my fodder und knock him down, would you? Kari. Veil, ufl hit him und don't knock him down, you can youst bet dot I oxamine und see vat telegraph pole he vas tied to. Katrina. Yell, I haf gotanuder fellows und he vas cut you ouet, und uf you don't like dot I suppose you know vat you can do. Karl. Yes, I can snook ouetside, but I no snook uf I know my- self, und I tink I do. Oh, I vas too flop! (crosses Katrina. You better go, cause I don't like you any more. Karl, (kneeling) Oh, Katrina! I luff you! Katrina. I don't care. I don'fe want anything more to do with you. Karl, (goes r., aside) Some feller haf ben giving her tiffy. {aUrud) Dot's goot! You may go mit dem Oder rooster. I'm niy own chickin now. (pidls hat over eyes and goes j..) I go mit Keety Boompfernickle now py der nic-pic ouet und buy her lots of tings. I dinks we vas go all py ourselves ouet und got married a leedle next Thursdav. Katrinn. (ptits arms around Karl's 7ieck and tickles him itmhr chin) Oh, Karl, I don't vas mad mlt you ! I vas youst make a leedle foolishness, dot's all. I don't vas care for no uder mans but yon, Karl. Now you vas like me a leedle, don't it, Karl? Karl. Und don't you vas go mit dem uder roosters ouet any more somedimes already ? Katrina. No, Karl, I don't vas luff nobodys but you, Karl. Oh, dot vas bully ! dot vas nice! Nftw we vas go down und congratulate der olt mans. Katrina. AVhat for, Karl ? Karl. Pecause he vas git a nice son of a law. Dot^s me! Katrina. Come on, then. ((Aey exit I-., Karl goes last und tries to tickle hlmselj binder chin CURTAIN. ACT ir. SOSNE I— Drawing room at Mrs. D.'s, same as before, Jim seated t,. c. Mrs. D. enters r. 2 e. Jim rises. Mrs. D. I am informed. <\v, tliat you wish to see me upon a matter of business, but all me to say at the start that you will please be .as brief as i)0ssii);.. is it is entirely owing to the friend- ship existing between your tathiM- and myself, that I h.ave concluded to listen to you at all. Indeed, it would be serving you as j'ou ileserve if I were to call the servants and have you put but of my house after your 50 far forgetting yourself as to enter heie in the way you did. It shows that you had very poor bringiwj up, to say the least. Jim. (aside) My prospects don't ^seem to be very promising. (aloud) I am truly sorry, madam, that I have ofiended you, but really, nothing of the kind wns intended, I can assure j-ou, but being quite well acquainted here, an 1 as I supposed, upon the best of terms with you, I fail to see that I made any great breach of ettiquette by 'walking in unannounced, after having tried in vain for half an hour to summon some of the servants, who by the waj', must be otf to a pic-nic to-',lay, as I found it utterly impossible to ring any of them up. Mrs. D. Well, it is true, come to think about it, th.at my servants have been given a half holld.ay, and so perhaps I have been too hasty in arriving at the conclusion 1 did, and will therefore, pardon you, provided however, that you promise me faithfully never to mention to any person what you may have seen here this afternoon. Do you i)ronu:(%l tlui.-; far whleh may possibly prove of any value. Mrs. I). I am afraid I cannot give you any information which will materially assist you. In fact, 1 do not even knoAV positively that iMr. Dusenherry ever made a will, although it seems to me, after studying the matter over thoroughly, that he must certainly have intended to make one, even if he did not; and as his death was not a sudden occurence, he probably did not neglect to do so. M}- reasons for thinking as I do are these. In the event of his not mak- ing a will the grea;er part of the fortune of which we all believe him to have been i)0ssefesed, would of course, go to my step-son, Clarence Dusenberry, who has al ways been such a scapegrace that his father h.ad driven him from home long before we were married .Mud always led me to believe that he woidd disinherit him entirely. At ^Ir. Dusenberry's death, however, Clarence came here and re- m.-iined lor nearly a week and appeared to grieve very much over his lather's de.-itli, I eveii had hopes tliat he would permanently re- form .-uid break oil" from all his bad associates and upon the strength of this 1 invited him to make this house his home, but he ended by leaving very m3-steriously one night, and you may imagine our sur- prise next day at tinding that Mr. Dusenberry's private desk in the library had been broken open and ransacked. Of course it was ini- possil)le for us to tell whether any of the ])apers were missing or not, but it is reasonable to suppose that such was the case. This, I believe, is all I can tell you about the matter. Jim, But was there no record kept of the will? Mrs. I). No. I had your father investigate the matter and he reports that he found no record of it, neither could he And the notary who drew np the document or the persons who were wit- nesses to it. Jim. The prospect is certainly not very promising then, as it will be absolutely necessary to our s;;cccss that we get the document itself into our hands and that is not going to be an easy thing to do. Probably the only feasible plan that still remains is to proceed upon the supposition that Clarence stole the will and has not yet destroyed it. If he still has the paper in his possession I think that by resort- ing to a little strategy, we can recover it; and even if he has de- stroyed it it might be possible to frighten him into confessing the theft, which would answer about as well. Mrs. D. But Avhat course would you follow to accomplish this? Jim.. I hardly know. Perhaps it would be best to procure the services of some person who can ingratiate himself into the good will and confidence of Clarence, and through this person we can peihaps recover the paper or at least satisfy ourselves as to whether he lias really stolen it or not. Nan enters l. 3 e. cmUiotishj and sits on sofa. Mrs. D. Yes, that does seem to be about the only course now left 12 f'rPTD\'=: rAPKJi.9. open, but tlio rliancc? for siicccsi do not. look to be very encour- aging. N((n. (aniile) Guess ni.i ain'r. so mail as she was. Jim. True, but still I believe the plan is worth trying. Enicr K.vTinXA r. d. KatriM, There v.-is a nians ouet here wants to see you on }ieesiness, Mrs. t). Who is he? Have you his card? Katrina. No. He don't vas hafany keards, but I vas know dot fellers youst der same. Mrs. D. Well, who is he then? Katrina, It vas "Two Aces," dot glmbler mans who vas here l)efore. Mrs. D. Let the gentlenian wait a few moments, please. Tell him I will be down directly. Katrina. 1 haf somedings to tell you pesides dot. Mrs. D. Well, what is it; but be quick about it. Katrina. You vas haf to git anuder gals cause mein Karl fxrocer he haf come pack, und we go i)y ourselves ouet und got married already after a leedle vile. Jim. (aside) Seems to be getting contagious around here ! Mrs. D. Never mind about your getting married, Katrina, but go down and request the gentleman to wait, as I told you. {exit Katrina, r. d. Jim. {glancing around room) Is there a side i-oom where I can secrete myself? I don't think it would be best for us to let Clar- ence see me here as he might suspect something. Mrs. T). Don't be alarmed ! I will receive him in another room and try to prevent his seeing you. Jim. But in case he should see me, what excuse would you offer for my presence here? Mrs. I). Say that you were engaged to one of my daughters. Jim. Yes, but Mollie is married now. Xan. What's the matter withwe.^ Mrs. D. {svr[>rised) Why, Nannie, how in the woi-ld did you get inhere? Xan. Oh, Ijes' walt/.ed in. {to Jim) How about me, Jim! .Tim. Well, you're quite small, but I guess you'll answer. Xan. You've got to give me a diamond ring then, 'cause I ain't a going to be engaged unless I get a ring. Jiin. {fal,-es off ring and gires her) Here, take this then, but remember to return it when the engagement is broken, (aside) This is the fifth time that ring has been used for the same purpose. Mrs, D. Excuse me for a short time, please, and I will see what that fellow wants. (exit r. d. Xan. Oh, Jim! we are really and truly engaged, ain't we? Jim. (sighs) I'm afraid we are. (sits at table Xan, (examines ring) Say, Jim, ain't this the same diamond ring that you gave to Mollie? ^ Jim. No^ This is not the same one, but of course, it is somewhat like it. All diamond rings are alike, that Is, they sparkle just the same, (aside) This one lias got it's sparkle in soak. Xan. Say, Jim, if we are engaged don't you think we ought to ACt kinder — well — kinder like engaged folks? CUPID'S CAPERS', m Jim, Excuse uie, but I've never had much experience In that line. '~:ide) I never told .1 lie in my life! Nan. Come over here then an' I'll try and teach you. {pause) James Henry Duffer, is you don't come over here on this sofa this very minute, I'll break ti>e engagement right now, go I will! and I Avon 't speak to you never any more, so I won't! Jim. (sits on other end of snf a) How is this? JVrtH. Well, that's better, but that end of the sofa ain't very strong. /iw. I gue.ss it will hold me all right. Kan. Well, maybe that Is the stoutest end after all, (goes close to Jim Jim. (aside) I'm in for it now ! Nan. Oh, this ain't much lilvc engaged folks! You ought to squeeze my hand a little. (Jim squeezes hand and 'Na's jumps up and screams) You horrid mean tiling, you ! You must not squeese so hard like that ! You don't know how to canart/ a, little bit. Here, something like this ! (shows Jiim hoir) Now try it again. There! That's better ! I guess you'll learn. Jim. (aside) Don't see liow I can help learning, (aloud) Be careful of that ring, please, (aside) I've got to use it on another girl to-morrow. Nan. I guess you can kinder put your arm aroinid me now, but be very careful at first until I git used to it. Jim. (puts ar.n around her) How is that? Nan. Oh, this is just lovely ! (lat/s head on J iM^s shoulder) I've a notion not to break the engagement at all. Jim. (aside) It '11 go lianl with me if I don't get that ring back. Nan. Tills is mucli nicer tlian huggin' big girls, aint it? 'cause it don't tire your arm so much. Mks, D. enters R. D. Jim goes to chair across stage, and Nan hugs the air. Mrs. D. (calls Jim aside) It is really Clarence who has called, and what surprises luc is that he denies iiaving stolen the will, but admits Iiaving broken into tiie desk with tiiat purpose in view, but did not meet witli success in tiie search. He seems very repentant just now, but of course 1 know liini too well now to put any con- fidence in him; but 1 wished to speak to you particularly about a strokeof diplomacy tliat 1 liave just made in connection with' the affair. It is just tiiis. 1 apiieared to bt-lieve him sincere in all he said, and invited liini to remain iiere with us for a few days and he has really accept-d tiic invitation. This will give you a capital opportunity for searching his rooms without his being any the wiser for it. Luck has evidently turned in our favor, and now let us hope that you may succeed in finding tliose precious papers. Jim. Tills really is good luck, in fact it is almost too good to be- lieve; but I'm afraid it will be rather difficult to gain admission to his rooms. But hold! I have it! If you can only get him to send a note to ids landlady, informing her of tiie fact that lie will be absent for several days, then I could send a man there to rent the same rooms. AVhat do you think of this plan? Mrs. D. It is a capital idea, and I tliink that by using a little caution there will be no difficidty in getting him to send the note. f4 CUPliy'S C'APEBS. Jim. And do you know of some trustworthy person whom we could send there? I think it would be best to have a confederate to guard a.cjainst discovery and a consequent frustration of our plans. Mrs, D. Happily there is a man here now who will answer the pnrpose, I think. Karl Grocer is Ids name and he is the German lad of whom Katrina "was speakijig. lie is remarkably intelligent for a green Dutchman, and would be just the man, I tliink — but I will send him in and you can judge for yourself, (exit R. D, Xan. Wasn't you kinder skeercd wlien ma came in ? Oh, I know you was or you wouldn't have skipped as you did. I was a little rattled myself, but I don't hardly think I'd a let go anyhow. Guess I'll keep the ring a little Avhile yet — you kinder want me to, now don't you, Jim? Oh, Jim, don't Ave get along together just boss though ? Jim. Yes I — I — guess we do, Enter Karl, is. u. Nan. What in the world is that, Jim? Karl. Yas, dot vas me, Karl Grocer, Jim. You are the man that ]\Irs. Duscnberrj^ sent in, arc you not ? Karl. Yas, j'ou can youst bet yum- life dot 1 vas dose mans all der times already. Jim. {aside tolvAKL) 1 can explain in a few words what I Avant of you. You are to go to a boareling house on Longworth street, Icept by a Avidow by the name of McGiiniis, No. 721 I believe is the place; you must talic a strong rope Avith you — Karl. Vat for? Jim. I Avill explain that later on. You must engage board and lodging tliere for a Aveek and contrive to secure i-oom nuniber eight; then after every one in the house if fast asleep, you must let the rope down from the Avindow and pull me up. Karl. Nixey ! IfyouAvant ter sleep niit Karl Grocer you vas haf to get in early and cooni oup der stairs, my frcund. Jim.' But I don't Avant to sleep with you, 1 only want to sec you. Karl. Veil, you vas looking at me. Jim. Oh, you don't understand I 1 want to call and .see you oil business during the night, and don't want the landlady to sec mc. Karl. You must be oAving her a Icedlc poard bills; uud py der Avay, how vas 1 going to scLLle nut ni3' [toard bills'^ Jim. {(jicintj iiioney) Here is money enough to pay j^our board for a week in advance and still have scA'cral dollars left, but you may keep the balance for your services and if you serve me Avell I shall give you more. Karl, {counts moiie;/) 'I.cven tollars and a pool check. Dot's pootygoot! I vas solid on der poard und lager beer for a leedle Avhile. Say, I vas your mans I Xan. Did you kiiOAV lliat nie and Jim was eng.aged? Karl. Vatishdot? Nan. Oh, we're going to git m;irried I Karl. IshdotsoV Veil, I vas goin' to got married a leedle my- self pooty soon, (aside In Jim) Did you vas kiss your gals yet? Nan. ISo ! He ain't got sand enougli ! Karl. Sand? Vas ish dot? CUPID'S CAPERS', X8 I^an. Oh, lie's too bashful! Karl, r haf got sand. Jim. Did you kiss your girl'? ■Karl. Yas, more as feofr.y timf.«. Xan. Oil, my! wasn't that just lovely! Karl. Yas, but the faist time I kiss my gals, .shingcr und gees- wax ! she come agin mj^ lips so hard und sweet dot uf slie'd cfler ;i hit a ginger eakc dot time it would a knoeked all der molasses ouet uf it, but r ean stand all of dot kind cause I haf had oxperionce, I haf been married peforo. Jim. You are a Avidower then, are you? Karl. Veil, I guess I vas somedings like dot. Jim. {asidf) Those old "chestnuts'' are getting rather thick around here. Karl. (pHts hand on Nan's li'^nJ) Yas, I haf been married und I haf got von leedle poys youst about like dot. He vas only four years olt. (Xax i/nes vp siaa.' (inririi) liast Thaustay vas his baeth- daj', und as he vas four years olt I think all to myself, I will got him a bacthdaj- present. Veil, I vas go all around by der stores ouet und all I could find vas a leedle dog. You see it ain't every ding dot would be a nice present for poys like dot cause he vas only four years olt. Veil, I dakes der dog home und der leedle shafer he vas telighted und he clap his hands und he jumps oup und he laugh all over, und der little feller vas only four years olt; so I say, Willie ! You seeder poys name vas AV'illie. I say, "Willie, jest you dake der dog und snook ouctside und haf fun und make monkey- iloodle peesiness mit der dog." lie vas only four years olt, but he go ouet, youst der same, ^'ell, I vas sit myself down und read my paper ouet und pooty soon der poy pring der dog in der house und he say, "i'ap! you play mit der dog und haf fun und make monkey-doodle peesiness." VnW, I w;is older as der poy vas — oh, yes, I vas der oldest! You see der leedle poy, he vas only four year olt. Veil, I dinks to niysclf, youst to please der poy, dot I make monkey-doodle i)eesiness, und so I say, "Willie, vat you vas haf me do?" Veil he say, "Pap, you git down on your hands und knees;" veil, der poy vas only four years olt luid so 1 git down on my hands und knees und he say. "now, pap, j'ou growl." Veil, I dect growl, und den he say, "Jlats! catch 'em, Boze!" Veil, uf you don't tink dot dog seek me, den you vas mistooken ! He v.as grab nic py der seat of my oxpenders und he drag me ouet doors und ni der house, oup stairs, down der cellar und all around der whole [leesiness, und all dot leedle son-of-a-gun do vas to clap his hands und say, ".Stick to him, paj), you'll be der makius of der pup!" Und dot leedle pill vas only four years olt! Katiuxa enters v:Hh bruoin, and as he jlnishcs she runs him ojf h. SCFNE II — Street it first grouces. Kakl runs in h., follvwed bij Katrixa, and stops it. c, out of breath. Karl. Oh, 1 vas all ouet of chewing tobicco! I vas never run another step for all der gals in der whole peesiness; you can youst t»et your life on dot ! 16 CUPID'S CAPERS. Katrina. Veil, Karl, you can youst bet your life, too, dot I ain't goiii' to haf you in clot place a makin' a fool of your.self any more, so I ain't! and you don't need to go around und tell everybody dot you vas married pefore und haf von loedle boys dot vas four years olt already, either. Karl. Veil, uf you don't like dot, you know vat you can do? Katrina. Yes, but I don't want eferybody to know dot you vas a "Widower und haf von leedle poys. Karl. Oh, shiminy gracious! don't got oxoited about a leedle ting like dot. I tink you vas better be glad dot I haf got dot poys cause, you see, Ave vas haf a nice leedle family right avay queek already, as soon as we are married. Katrina. I never thought about dot. Karl, (taking Katrina b>j the arm) Come on mit me und we vas go ouet und promenade in der chestnut grove und list&n to der twitter of der canar}"^ birds, und fees cvcryting up all right. (they exeimt R. SCENE III— Mr. Duffku's office as he/or .JlA)i-yvs seated Kith feet on table. Bastus. Gee whillakers I but I'se done got a big case on my hands now. An olc bum done come in hvar an' say his name am Two Aces, an' how as ole Massa Duffer done got a will hyar lougin' ter him, an' if I's a mind ter git um for him he's gwan ter give me fo' dollars an' a half, an' if 1 don't he'8 gwan ter shot me. I done i-oped dat case in mighty sudden,! tole you. Cole day when dis nigger's gwan ter run any chances of gittiu' shot like common Avhite trash! (noise heard h.) Come in dar, or else shove your money under de door ! Enter Mu. D., l. 2 k., eery drunk — smashed hat in, one hand and bottle in the other — sinys and dances. Uastus goes xaider table. Ikistus. Gosh, but de ole ujan hab done got um agin ! Dis uigger ain't gwan ter take no chances doin' bizness wid liim jes now. DuFFKR drinks from bottle, and sees Rastus under table. Throws hat at Kastus. Mr. Duffer. Come out here, nigger, and take a drink! I'm-hic- engaged ! I am ! (shouts) Set 'em up in the other alley ! (dances; Uastcs comes nut cautiously and drinks liasius. (Jan't miss a chance like dis, even if I is skeered! Mr. D. Shut up the-er ofhcc and take -er-hic-vacation for fo'-hlc- years. Bastus. J clar' to goodness, massa Duffer, whar you git dem pants ? Mr. D. (looks at jiants) Tljosc-/-new pants — hie — wedding pantS — trifle too long-hlc-let's go home and celebrate! {they exeunt c. d., arm in arm CIKTAIX. CUPID'S CAPEBS. li ACT III. SCENE I — Kitchen in second rjrooves. Mrs. McGinnis seated l. c, pealing potatoes. Knock heard k., and Kakl enters loith large valise. Karl. Vas dees tier McGHnnis' hotels? Mrs. MgCt. Yis, sor, this is the iligant palace, boardino- and lodg- ing establishmint kept by the widdy ]\IcGinnis, that's meself. Did yez "wish to be after stoppin' wid me? Karl. Veil, dot depends ! I vas pooty much bardicular all der dimes abouet vat kind of agomodations I vas going to haf already. Jlrs. McG. Sure an' the loikes of yoursilf had ought to be satis- fied to shlape wid the pigs. Karl. You vas mistooken in der person, ray dear. I vas von of der pig guns, (aside) Yas, I shoot snipes! Mrs. JlcCr. Sure, an' [ think Ave can be after suiting yez ony way. ' Karl. A^ell, to goniencc mit, I always haf to sleep alone all py mineself pecause 1 haf got corns. Mrs. McG. An yez can shlape alone if yez have a nioind to. Karl. Und I vas always haf to sleep in number eight youst to remind me to gotoupat eight in der morning, (aside) Und ate oup all der brickfast. Mrs. McG. Faith an 1 hev a mon in thotroom this long toime. Karl, (starts tovard drmr) Yell, I vas go down py fiiist street ouet und poard mit der Junction Hotels all der vile. Mrs. McG. Well, yez kin hev thot room if yez be only goiii' to sthay u few days. The mon wlio occui\ves thot room hev gone to a wake an' he '11 niver come back aforo Saturdaj'. • Karl, (comiiir/ hade) A^ns der clock in der room? Mrs. McG. jSTo, but I'll be atter bringing wan oup fer yez if yez must hev it. , Karl. Don't you vas got oxcited abouet der clocks yo'ust now right away. I don't vas want a clocks. In der hotels dot i vas stop in der last time, der vas a clocks vat teek so loud it keep all der beoples avake und all der vay I could sleep vas between der teeks. Yes, indeetl Yas der any bid bugs in dees hotels? Mrs. McG. (angrij) Xo, sor! Karl. Any i-ats ? Mrs. McG. Xo, ye spaliteen, Ihcro is not? Karl. Any mice? Mrs. McG. Xo, sor! Karl. Ober dere might be some skeeters all dev vile? Mrs. McG. Xo, sor! sure an' there be nothing of the kuind in this house. Karl. Yell, I guess 1 vas stop mit you a leedle vile und 1 vas like ter go to bed right avny (lueek cause I vas go ouet to see my gals last night all der dimes, und 1 vas got pooty sleepy, (aside) Yas, I vas in jail last night! Mrs. McG. Come on thin an' I will show you the way. (theg exit h. 2 E. IS CUPID'S GAPERS. SCENE II — Interior in first yrooves vnth door ij. and l. Card on l. D. showing number nine, undone on k. d. showing number eight. Karl enJej-s l., %oith valise and candle and goes to k. d., but card turns down and shoios number nine, and l. d, shows number eight. Karl goes r. and l., and mtmbers change ad lib. Karl, (sits on valise, c.) Veil, I giies.s dot Karl Grocer lIllI.■^t pe drunk again. Guess I vas see uf I can set my breath on fire, (holds candle up and blows it out) My breath vas too strong for der can- dles I (lights match on seat of 2)ants) You sec I vas built this way ! (rises and exits l. d. SCENE III — Interior in third grooves. Bed an floor up- stage C. Table and chair l. Candle on table. Kakl discovered taking off shoes. liemoves hat, coat, vest, etc., but remains undecided as to pants. Karl. Veil, I guess I vas leave dose pants on cause der might pe a lire, und I vas like to got u]) (jueek. (takes revolver out of valise) I guess I vas better use dose disoligcr for a pillow, (calls) Land- lad j' ! I^andlady ! Mrs. McG. \i\. 2 k.) An' phatdo yez want noAV? Karl. Vas der any rats here? Mrs. 31c G. Xo. Karl. Any bid bugs? Mrs. McG. No, Karl. Goot night I Mrs. McG. Goodnight! Karl, (takes off one sock) Xo, I guess not! It might run away I (puts sock on foot)^ Ladylady ! Landlady I Mrs. McG.' (without i?. 2 K.)'\Vliat 'II yez hev? Karl. Vas der any skeetcrs hcrei' Mrs. McG. No, sor! Now go to sleei» and don't bother me ony more. Karl. Goot night! Mrs. McG. Goodnight! I2at runs in, r. u. e. Karl shoots it and picks it up bg the tail. Karl. Oh, no! Der vas no rats here! (goes to bed) Veil, I vas dry und sleep a Iccdie, youst for instance : (calls) Landlady I Mrs. 3IcG. (r. 2 E.) Won't yez iver kape still? What do yez want? Karl. Goot night ! Mrs. McG. Good night and plisint dramcs, but don't call me again or you'll wish yez hadn't. Karl. Vas dot so ? Bed bugs comedown the wall and Karl strikes at them ivith pillow and kills afevj. 31osquitos come; Karl thruv:s pillovj at Litem, and they carry pilloio up and, away, Karl gets up and, rats come in and run officith bed. CUPID'S CALEBS. 19 Karl. Veil, 1 don't vas care much abouet sleep any way. I dinks it vas abouet dimes to helup dot mans in der window. Lets out rope mul pulls -up Mrs. McG., armed with a broom. She runs him (iff L. 2 E. -u'j's. McG. (ioot night! goot nig-ht! SCENE IV— Street in firU grooves. KxKi. enters J.., cnrryinrj shoes, coat, hat and valise. Karl. Whew I but dot vas a glose calls ! I iiefer pulls in a fish line niit der fisli on der wrons; end of der line pefore. Dot feller Jim got a tookit for der stone yard sure, cause a bolice haf a dead sure crimp on him. Dot feller .rim say he vas after a wills or some- dings lilie dor, und said I vas i>ctter go down to der office luid told der olt mans all abouet it, but I vas sliowum. I gits dose will my- self i-ight avay queek ouet, all by mineself. I must go down to der glue factory und get der landlady leexed onp faist. 1 vas broke der landlay all to pieces. Exit r.., drcKjijiitij Inii'i rope with dummy tied, to end, representinrj Mrs, Mc'G. vnth broom. SCENE V — Dh^kker's o_ftice as before. Rastus discovered dancimj c, and dressed as a dade, weariwj sa)ne pants that Duffer ioore preriottshj. % Iiastus. Golly I but dis liyar nigger am lucky I Ole massa Duffer done got ter feelin' so ga}' dat he done went and bought cloze an' togged dis chile up in great sIi:ipo. Oh, I'm a "dude from Arkan- saw!" (dances) Guess dese hyar pants done got pulled too soon, kase dey is a trifle coluptious in de legs. Wonder if de ole man don lef any terbacker in de pockets, (ptits hand in pocket and gets clay pipe) Dat's purty slick I [finds the lost viill in another pocket, .^cratclics head thought jnUij, then sitsat desk and examines it} Whoop! I's don struck ile ! {Junips -u^i) I clar to goodness! if dis ain't de beriy ting what dat ••Two Aces" feller done tole me ter git fer him. AViioop : I'se gwan ter git dat four dollars and a half now !) (kisses will. IvAiiL R. •i E. tmobserred) Golly I but I's mose a millionaire now! (sings) I's a dude, dand}- dude Karl. Yasdotso! Iiastus. ANHiat j'ou doin' in hyar, white man? Gn on away from hyar. Karl. Don't got oxcited, my freeiid. Vas ish dose bai)ers you haf got dere? Iiastus. Dat am a letter I's done got ter keep fer a gemmen. Karl. Who vas dose feller? Eastns. He don tole me hoAV as his name am "Two Aces." Karl. Veil, you vas gif me dose bapers right away qneek ouet. Hasttis. Look out dar, white man ! I's don gittin' riled, I is and when dis hyar nigger git mad, he's gwan ter hit somebody so 20 CZTPID'S C'APEBS. hard dey '11 spit ink. {takes meat a.r from desk and stands on the defensive) I's got dis hyar paper an' I's gwan for ter keep um, too. Nothing am gwan ter git um but "Two Aces." You hear me? Karl, (draios revolver and Rastus (/oes under table) Veil, I vas a "Dutch Flush" all by mineself, (uul I dinks I git dose bapers. {points revolver at Rastus liastus. {offering Kat^t. the will) Dat'sgood! {aside) He never touched me ! Karl, (examines xoill) I dinks dot T vas a pooty flop detectives. I tole you I vas got dose wills right avay queek. Say, nigger, I vas der boliee, und I haf to arrest you right avay. Hastus. (falls on knees) Oh, niassa policeman I dis yer chile am a berry good nigger! I's never don nuffiin' in my life, sure I ain't. Karl. Vat you vas do mit dose bapers all dere dimes, eh? Where you vas got dose bapers ? JiOStus. I don find um in dis hjar bocket, sure. Karl. Where you vas get dose bocket, eh ? JRastiis. Massa Dufter don gib me dem pants, an' lie don git um down ter ole Dusenberry's house. Sure's I's born dat am a fac'. Karl. Veil, you vas go mit me, und wc vas arrest der olt mans right avay. Snook ouetside now. liasius. {aside) He ain't nuf Irish fer a policeman, (then '^yif' K. SCENE VI — Street in jirst ijruuoes, Jim enters l. Jim. I've had a hard lime of it getting away from that police- man and the Irish landlady, but I fnial^ succeeded and now I must hurry doAvn to the widow's and see wlflt lias become of that crazy Dutchman, Karl Grocer. I declare, the fun I had seeingjthe Irish woman run him out witl; a broom, would ahnost repay me lor being put in jail. (exit R. SCENE VII — lioom at Mks. D'b same as hefore. Candle on table, It. u. E. Mrs. D. is discovered arranging toilet at mirror. Nan enters l. 3 e. hurriedly, v:ith doll. Nan. Oh, ma! there be two men out here and they 've got guns and lots of awful things, and tliey'vegot Chawley and he's awful skeered, and they're goiii' to shoot him and kill him, and he's goin' to die and he ain't goin' to Hve any more, and he can't come here any more and bring me candy and black jacic and — saj% ma, ain't you kinder skeered? lam. (puts doll On table) Say, ma! let's hide ! 3Irs. D, Surely you must be mistaken, Xanniel This cannot be true, (noise heard l. Mrs. D. goes i.. and looks off) The3''re bring- ing him here a ijrisoner ! Nan. {pulling Mrs. D. back) You'd better stay back liere or you '11 git hurt. Enter Me. D., folloived by Karl und Rastus who are armed vjith guns, meat axes, revolvers, etc, Mrs. D. breaks away from Nan and Q'ushes toioard Mr. D., but Karl steps in front and she runs against him. Nan goes under table. CUPID'S C'APEnS. SI Mrs. D. Oh, my dai'liiiii;! Karl, {tnjiwi to embrace her) Veil, T don't care nf I do, but what will Katruia say? Mrs. D. {goes to Mr. D., r, c.) AVhat in the xrorlj does all this mean ? 3Ir. D. This is all some horrid mistake. Karl. Shut onp dair or I vas preak onp dare whole peesiness mlt yon. (^0 Mrs. 1),) Dot mans vas dev big'oest rohl)er vat efer live, 3lrs. D. Xo! I'm snre it cannot be so ! Jim enters l. Jim. Why, what is all this excitement about? ]\an. (coming from under tahJe) Guess I hain't skeered now quite so bad as t was, 'cause Jim's here now. {goes to Jim Jim. (aside to Kari.) Well, Dntchey, we didn't succeed verv well in our plans, did we ? Karl. If at first yon don't succeed — suck eggs ! I haf found dose wills all py mineself. Jl/rs. D. But what has Mr. Duller done? Karl. He vas haf dose wills in his pants pockets all der dimes, und so I vas arrest him. liastns. Dat am a fac. Dat will wuz in dose pants, an' olc massa Duller done gib um ter me liisself. JVan. Why, ma, tliose are the same pants that 1 gave to Chawley when he tore his'n. They arc a pair of pa's old pants. ?Irs. D. This explains the matter, then ; but have you reallv "'ot the will, Karl ? Karl. ( giving papers) Dot vas der leedle documents. Mrs. D. (delighted) Oh, Karl, I ^ciVi embrace you now I (goes to embrace Karl Karl. 1 vas go you one uf I lose I K\rtny\ enters n., and pulls Karl ami;/. MiiH. D. sighs and em- braces DUFFKR. yan. Guess I'd better be grabbin' un myself I (puts arm around .Tim) Let's turn the lights down, ma ! Jiastns. I's done got ter love sumtin'. Tal-es doll from table and lights ^lire-cracker as he does so — embraces doll and it explodes — ni?is off r. Karl. I dinks our friends here haf discovered by dis time dot, "love vas like der leedle bid bug"— it haf no wings at all but it vas git dair all der same, I dinks^ too, dot when our freends haf got married as many dimes already as we haf, dey will cease to "pe astonished at any of "Cupid's Capers," PICTURE. s[ax, r. Jim. R. C. Karl and Katrina. c. Dufpkr. L. c. Mrs, D, L. CURTAIN. HAL HAZARD; OR, THE FEDERAL SPY. A M'ditaru Drama of Oif lute inir nf the Itflirllinn, in four actt, BY FRED. G. ANDREWS. This drama is a great success, and is publislied now for the first time, from the author's original manuscript. There has been a deniiiini for a play wh cli coiild be used by Grand Army Posts, Military Coiuputiics. etc.. which would be ctiective, and yet not difficult to represent. This want lliil ll;i.zard will supply. It has eight male characters and three female. A few s ddiers both U. S. and C. S., may be used, but there is no elaborate drills or dillicult stage business to try the patience of the manager. It takes from 1% to 2 hourii to present it. The loading character isa double one— "Ueorgo Clarendon," who assumes the char- ter of "Old llal" a very deaf and shrewd old man, who is equally at home in the Confederate or Federal Camp. As the Spy he is always on hand at the proper time, and always comes out ahead in all places where h s services are needed. The other characters are all good, consisting of a captain and lieutenant in the U. S. Army, and four Co.ufederates. Generals Sherman, iitoueman and Garrard are represented, but may be omitted if desired. There is also an excellent Leading Lady; Old Wo- man and Negro Comedy Woman. Those who order and produce this play will be more than pleased.— Price 2oc, "Simply Ii'imense!" is ihe verdict of every company ichich produces if, and every one xclio read3 it! Two lioiira of continual ncreamaof laughter! I 'Ihe funniest of all modem comedies, entitled, AN AFFLICTED FAMILY; OK, A DOCTOR WITHOUT A DIPJ.OMA, BY MALCOLM S. lAYLOR. There is always a demand for a Play which is funny, and written in such a way as to be easily represented as regards scenery, and not to difficult in its representation. This Comedy will be found all that is desiri*l. The following is a description of the characters: C. Crotchet, a retired merchant, tick inthe spleen. B. Frizzy, a barber addicted to punning and scrapes. Dr. G, Linton a practical physician, troubled withpatients, L. Staple, a young merchant, subject to bashfnlness. Clarence, a student, inclined to ale. John Henry a manservant complaining of nothingto do. I. Seizer a constable, used to take aipay bad effects. Mrs. Crotchet an invalid, illwith nervousness. Daisy, her daughter, "I Jof^ affected with a diseaseofihe heart, called love. Dolly, her neice, j Dorothy, a maiden aunt, afflicted with deafness, knitting, and a poodle dog. Betty a maidservant, suffering out of sympathy for Frizry. Each one of the above characters is worthy the talent of the best comedy ropre- ientatives, either in or out of the Profession. Amateurs especially will find the Play eminently suited to their wants. It is in four acts, each act consisting of only one scene. The costumes modern, .and scenes all interiors, enabling companies with a limited stock of scenery to produce it easily. Nothing like a description of the ludi- crous and laughable situations can be given here— but we can truly assure our friends that nearly every speech is a signal for roars of laughter and rounds of applause. If you want something pathetic don't send for it, but if you desire fun from the rise of the curtain on the first act, till its fall on the last act, you may be sure of not being disappointed if you order this. Price 15 cents per copy. A T TT7 A 'XTC^ r'T?T' TUT? besti red, white and green ALWAYS ^^ -•■ -L n-t-^ TABLEAU LIGHTS. We are now put- jrxj—l VV J. X X k^ ting up our lights in tin boxes, expressly to go by mail— ear.h box contains enough material for one light, with a fuse for lighting, and full and cx- plirit directions for burning them. These lights are not excelled by any for brilliancy — they burn steadily and slowly — they do not contain a partieal of sulphur, and are free from otlensive odors, and are sure to give perfect .satisfaction. 4®- Do not ruin your tableaux by an inferior light when it is so easy to prooure good ones. Price 25 cents per box. Orders filled by return mail for cither color. Address. A. D. AMES, PUB., Look Box 108. GLYSE, OHIO. New Temperance Cantata for the Little Ones! ■O' •^ -BY- IDA M. BUXTPy. This Cantntn supplies a. wiiiit. Ions: felt. Nearly all published nre cithpr too Inn?, or Irotn *\v (lifTiuult, music, or complex st!iirc business <|intc beyond the ri-iK li oF^ the ! eneriil jnyenile compiitiies. Tiiis one was written especially to obviate ;ill tlirs; (litheiiltics, and a':, oiiec ftivo to those desiring', a, takins and effective piece. It is designed for .rnvenilc Temples, f^abbath Schools, etc., and requires only a I'latlorm, no scenery beins necessary for ifs production. 'I'he words are all set to old . airs, familiar to every one. 'J'ho stapre directions an; plainly siven, and no diflculty will be c.xperieuced in preparing it for i)ublic presen- tation. The [olloiving arc the characters represented. UNCLE SAM. — Dressed in a suit ol' Eed, White ami Blue. DRUNKARD'S DAUGHTER. —In ragged clothes. DERORAH.-~\N\io lead^ theehorus of girls. CAPT. PR OIIIBIT/ON— Who leAthiliG chorus of boys BROTHER. SISTER. EOUR GIRLS, dressed in white, representing Maine, Kansas, Iowa and Khode Islaivi — the latter being ;■ small girl. Each one carries a shield with the nanie of her state. Oil OR US OF BOYS. CHORUS OF GIRLS. The Choruses may consist of any number convenient. Please order a sample copy, look it over carefully and see it does not please you. PRICE 523 CENTS PER COPY. --^ THEATRICAL (Sifc.- AND FANCY COSTUME WIGS, Attoiition is called to this list of WIGS, BEARDS, MUS- TACHES, WHISKERS, &o. We employ a wig-maker especially to manufacture goods for our trade, and can guarantee satisfaction. All goods made under our personal supervision. In orderiug bo careful to state every particular, i. e. size, color, etc. special cliaracter or occasion can be made to order. Any wig for White Old Man S4.50 Iron Gray 4.50 Yankee 4.50 Irish 4.50 Crop [all colors] 4.50 Fright 6.00 Negro 90 " [white old mMii] 1.50 " [grey " J 1.50 " [with top knot] 1.50 " [wench] 5.00 Sir Peter Teazle 5.00 Shylock 4.50 Court Wig with Bag 4.50 Tie 4.50 Paul Pry 4.50 Dundreary 5.50 Light Dress AVig, with parting 5.50 Hough Irishman 4.00 ]''laxen Country Boy 3.50 Phy.sician or Lawyer [white] 5.00 Dress Wig with Eycbr'ws & Whisk'rs 5.50 Dress, without parting 4.00 Duplex; can he worn either as a male or female Wig; very convenient; in reality 2 Wigs inl 6.00 Flow Wigs, Long Hair, suitable for most Shakesperian characters. Fairy Plays, &c 5.50 Dress Scalp, with parting $5.00 Scalps 2.75 Gentlemanly Irish, with parting 5.00 Bald Wigs. Grey or White 4.50 Rip Van Winkle 4,50 Grey Dross Wig, with parting 4.50 White " " " 4.50 Clowns, in colors 4.50 Pantaloon, Wig and Beard 5.00 Robinson Crusoe 4.50 Monk ; 4.00 Box and Cox, 2 Wigs, each Wig 3.50 Chinaman, with Pigtail 5.00 Dress Wig, superior 5.00 Red and Brown Bald Wigs 4.50 LADIES. Court Wig 6.50 Grand Duchess 6.50 Lady Teazle 7.00 Marie Antoinette 7.50 Mother-m-Law 5.50 Female, plain, Long Hair, so that lady can do up as she wishes, a really fine Wig 10.00 Nigger Crape Masks, a substitute for blacking the face 2.00 Ladies' Wigs, Blonde, Light and Dark Brown and Black, made up in pres- ent fashion 6.00 Comic Old Woman's Front Piece $2.50. BEARDS, WHISKERS, MUSTACHES, &c. Side Whiskr's k M'stache on wire SI. 25 Side Whiskers and Mustache, on wire, superior 1.50 Side whiskers, no Mustache, wire 1.00 Side Whiskers & Mustache, Gauze 2.00 Side Whiskers and Mustache, on gauze, superior 2.25 Side Whiskers, without Mustache, on gauso 1.50 Side Whiskers, without Mustache, on gauze, superior 1.75 Full Beard 1.75 " " superior 2.00 Full Beard without Mustache 1.50 Full Beard, no Mustache, superior 1.75 Mustache and Chin Beard, combined.. 2.00 Imperials 30 Full Chin Beard 1.25 Mustaches on wire 35 " gause 40 CRAPE IIAIR-For making False Whiskers, Mustaches, &c. Colors— Black, White, Light Brown, Dark Brown, Iron Grey & Red. Price per yard 20 Address A. D.AMES. PUB'R, LOCK BOX 102. CLYDE, OHIO. JimES^ Plays— LantinuEd, 72 19 42 ls>-i 220 14S 218 224 233 IM 184 209 13 66 116 120 103 50 140 74 35 47 95 11 99 82 182 127 228 106 139 231 2:^.5 69 1 158 23 208 212 32 186 44 33 57 217 165 195 159 171 180 48 138 115 65 232 137 40 3« 131 101 167 68 54 FAECES CONTINUED. Deuce is in Him 6 1 Did i Dream it 4 3 Domesiic Felicity 1 1 Dutch Prize i'i>;hter 3 D.itchvvs. Nigger 3 Eh? W^ at Did You Say 3 1 Everybody Astonished 4 Fooling with the Wrong Man 2 1 Freezing a Mother-in-Luw... 2 1 Fun in a Post Office 4 2 i'amily Discipline 1 Goose with the Golden Eggs.. 5 3 Give Me Mv Wife 3 3 Han?, the Dutch J. P 3 1 Hash 4 2 H. M. S. Plum 1 1 How Sister Paxey got her Child B;iptiz d 2 1 How Sue has Own Way 1 3 How He Popped the Quest'n. 1 1 How t:> Tame i\i-in-Law 4 2 How Stouc Vour Getting 5 2 In the Wrong Box 3 In the AVrong Clothes 5 3 John Smith 5 3 Jumbo Jum 4 3 Killing Time 1 1 Kittie'- Wedding Cake 1 3 lAvk Skillet Wedding 2 2 L iiderbach'.-i Little Surprise 3 ]j(iiUings for Two 3 Matrimonial Bli.ss 1 1 Matcii *Qra Mother-in-Law.. 2 2 More Blunders than one 4 3 Mother's Fool 6 1 Mr. and Mrs. Pringle 7 4 Mr. Hudson's Tiger Hunt 1 1 My Heart's in Highlands 4 3 .» y Prec'ous Betsey 4 4 My Turn Next 4 3 M> Wife's llelations 4 4 My Day and No\v-a-Days 1 Obedience 1 2 On the SIv 3 2 Paddy Miles' Boy 5 2 Patent AVashing iMnchino 4 i Persecuted Dutchman 6 3 PoorPilicody 2 3 Quiet Family 4 4 Rough Diamond 4 3 Ripples 2 Schnaps 1 1 Sewing Circle of P>rio J 5 S. H. A. M. Pinafore 3 3 Somebody's Nobody .1 2 Stage Struck Yankee 4 2 Taking the Census 1 1 That Mysterious B'dle 2 2 Tiie Bewitched Closet...- o 2 The Cigarette 4 2 The Coming Man 3 1 Turn Him Out 3 2 The Sham Professor 4 (i The Two T. J's 4 2 204 15 172 98 222 214 145 190 27 230 153 24 23ii 77 88 128 90 61 234 150 109 134 177 96 107 133 179 94 25 92 10 61 122 118 6 108 4 197 198 170 216 20(5 210 2U3 205 156 17 1:iO M F 2 1 3 1 2 3 Thirty-three Next Birthday.. 4 Tit for'i'at 2 Vermont Wool Dealer 5 Wanted a Husband 2 AVaen Women Weep 3 AVooing Under DifiSculties..... 5 AVhicuwillhe Marry 2 8 AVidower's Trials „.. 4 5 AVaking Him Up „.... 1 2 Why they Joined the Re- beccas .._ 4 Yankee Duelist 3 1 Ya kee Peddler 7 3 ETHIOPIAN FARCES. Academy of Stars >.... 6 An Unhappy Pair 1 1 Black Shoemaker 4 2 Black Statue 4 2 Colored Senators 3 Chops __ 3 CufE's Luck 2 1 Crimps Trip 5 F'etter Lane to Gravesend 2 Hamlet the Dainty 6 1 Haunted House 2 Handy Andy ^ 2 Hypochondriac The 2 Joe's Vis t _...«..... 2 1 Mischievous Nigger > 4 2 Musical Darkey 2 No Cure No Pay 3 1 Not as Deaf as He Seems 3 Old Dad's Cabin 2 1 OldPompey 1 1 Other People's Children _ 3 2 Pomp's Pranks _ 2 Quarrelsome Servants _ 3 Rooms to Let „ 2 1 School _.„ „ 5 Seeing Bostingr~~_...„ 3 Sham Doctor 3 3 16,000 Years Ago 3 Sport with a Sportsman „.. 2 Stage Struck Darkey «. 2 Stocks Up, Stoclis Down 2 That Boy Sam „ 3 The Select School 5 The Popcorn Man -..«.... 3 I'he Studio ^.. 3 Those AAvful Boys....-...„ 5 Twain's Dodging .«...«.«. 3 Tricks -.„-«_...... 5 Uncle Jeff. -...-.....».»..._ 5 U. S. Mail 2 Vice Versa 3 Villkens and Dinah „ 4 . Virginia Muu my 6 1 AV'ho Stole tht, Chickens 1 1 AV'illiam Tell 4 Wig-Maker and Uia Servanta 3 GUIDE BOOKS. Hints on Elocution „ Hvnts to Amateurs...-........^ Si. CANTATA. 215 On to Victory (with chorus) 25 cents 4 6 jfi LIBRARY OF CONGRESS PLAYS RECENTLY PU Lp PRICE 15 CENTS EA< 219 Rags and Bottles. An original comedy 016 103 881 7 Taylor, 4 males, 1 female. A play by the author of The j.^^^^^^^^ ^„„..^ guarantee of its excellence, liags and Bottles are two street waifi, and the play follows their fortunes through good and bad. An opportunity is given to introduce gongs and dances. The balance of the characters are good. Costumes modern. Time of performance 1 1-2 hours. 220 Dutchey vs. Nigger. An original sketch in 1 scene, by James 0. Luster, 3 males. A landlord lias two servants— one a Dutchman, the other a negro, who are continually playing tricks upon each other, which are very laughable. Time in playing about 20 minutes. Costumes modern. 221 Solon Shingle; or the People's liaiiryer. A comedy in 2 acts, by J. S. Jones. An excellent play, and easily put on the stage, the scenery not be- ing difficult to arrange. Some of the best Comedians have starred in the character of Solon Shingle. Costumes modern. Time of performance 1% hours. 222 The Colored Senators. An Ethiopian burlesque in 1 scene, by Bert Richards, 3 males. Avery laughable experie-.ue of two darkey's, who became dead broke and hungry— their schemes to get a meal of the landlord of a hotel, are very amusing. Costumes modern. Time of performance, 25 minutes. 223 Old Honesty. A Domestic drama in 2 acts, by John Madison Morton, 5 males, 2 females. An e.vicollent play with a good moral, showing the truth of the old saying that "Honesty is the best Policy." Scenery, interiors. Costumes modern. Time about 2 h<.urs. 224 Fooling -with the Wrong Man. An Original farce in 1 act, by Bert Richards, 2 males, 1 female. Charauter- are an Irishman who is not such a fool as he looks, a dude, and a society belie. The situations are very funny, and the farce must be read to be appreciated. Costumes eccentric to suit. Time of perform- ance 35 minutes, 225 Cnpids' Capers. A f.irce-comedy in 3 acts, by Bert Richards, 4 males, 4 females. Overtlows \> itli fun from beginning to end. A lawyer, his son, a Dutch- man, ;ind a negro are the ma'e characters. A giddy widow and her beautiful daugh- ter, a Uerman servant girl, and the Irish hotel proprietressareth^ females. Costumes modern. Time of performance about 1 hour. 226 Brae the Poor House Girl. A drama in three acts, by C. L. Piper, 4 males, 4 females. The character of Brae, is a capital one for a ssnbrette, after the style of Fauchon the Cricket, etc. All characters are good. It abouii Is in fine situa- tions, and is a great success. Costumes modern. Time of performance 2 hours. 227 Maud's Peril. A drama in 4 acts, by Watts Phillips, 5 males 3 lemales. A very popu I or drama of the present time. Strong and sensational. English Cos- tumes of the prwent. time. Easily put on the stage. Time 1 1-2 hours. 228 Liauderbauch's liittle Surprise. An Original farce in one scene, by E. Henri Bauman, 3 males. A roaring piece, the humor being about equally divid- ed between a Dutchman— a negro digu.sed as a woman, and a negro boy. Costumes modern. Place anywhere. Time of performance 20 minutes, 229 The Mountebanks- A Specialty-drama in 4 acts, by Fred. G. An- drews, 6 males 2 females. Twoof the charucteis assume various disguises, at once effective and artistic. The drama is replete with fine situations, and unlooked-;or developments. Mirth and sadness are well combined. Costumes modern. Time of performance 2hours. An Aiuerican dram i of the present time. 230 Hamlet the Dainty. An Ethiopian burlesque on Shakespeare's Hamlet, by Griffin, 6 males, 1 female. Burlesque costumes of Hamlet. Very fun- ny. Time I'l minutes. 231 Match for a Mother-in-Lia-w. A Comedietta in 1 act, by Wj'bert Reeve, 3 males, 2 females. Tiie heniiecKcd husband, his friend, a servant, the wife and the mother-in-law, constitutes the dramatis persouaj. Very suitable for private and amateur use, as well as professional. Costumes modern. Interior scene. Time 35 minutes. 232 Stage Struck Yankee. A farce m 1 act, by 0. E. Durivage, 4 males. 2 females. i-~cenes, interiors. A Yankee becomes badly stage struck, by seeing a play in a barn, discards his affianced for an actress. The manner of his becoming disenchanted, is shown in the play. It is full of laugh. Time 45 minutes. 233 Freezing a Mother-im-la-w. A farce in in 1 act, by T. E. Pember- ton,3 males, 2 fema es. Costumes modern. One interior scene. Old man 2 walk- ing gents, old woman, walking lady. A mother-in-law is to be frozen in order to gain her consent to her daughter's marriage. She discovers the plot, substitutes water for the freezing fluid, yet preti'nds to be equally afifectual by it. Time 46 minutes. 234 Old Dad's Cabin. An Ethiopian f.aree in one act, by Charles White, J males, 1 female. An e^cel cut darkey plav, full of good situations and sparkling dialoKue. Costumes modern. Time 40 minutes.